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spitdrunken · 1 year

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Rollo corruption kink???🤨🤨🤨

I wanna ruin him so bad but bros probably worse than me PFFFT

notes: corruption

PLEASE. MAYBE HE WOULD BE?? i'm still trying to figure out what type of horny he is... i just can't see him as the type of 'desperately repressed' guy, personally. to me he just kind of feels like hm,,, sex or masturbation has just never particularly interested him, and he would probably not know much more about it than what's told in mandatory school lessons. (not to mention, if it really is as pleasurable as he’s led to believe... someone such as him would not deserve it.) PLUS he spends most of his time around magic students nowadays and maybe he just wouldn’t wanna fuck them lmao. ANYWAY, ENJOY.

Rollo is a horrible kisser. Mere pecks on the lips already have him freezing up and leave him unsure of how to handle himself, much less anything more. He wouldn’t want you to stop, not even close, but he’d never be able to ask you to continue either. His own inexperience hadn’t crossed his mind much before dating you, but now he’s growing more self-conscious with every touch you bestow upon him. As diligent as he is, he would use the same strategies here as when he’s struggling with anything else: copious amounts of research.

It starts with him searching kissing tips online, trying to memorize the things one is ‘supposed’ to say or do in these scenarios. He watches kiss scenes in movies, reads how they’re described in novels, and tries to find variables that determine a good kiss. In reality, he’s not getting much better. He knows that if he were to try and copy scenes he’s seen, it would feel so unlike him that you’d likely start laughing. Perhaps he should just ask you to help him practice, and yet... His online searches eventually lead him to filthier content he’s never had much interest in viewing prior.

Watching two people making out is enough to get him slightly flustered, but only because he imagines doing such things with you. The two strangers on the screen touching each other, seeing their tongues and their spit... Makes him feel vaguely ill. It’s filthy. But your tongue caressing his own, the tip of your tongue rubbing against the top of his mouth- It makes him squirm. Rollo is no stranger to getting random erections, every guy his age gets them occasionally, but he’s certain this one is not merely random. Never before has the urge to touch himself been as strong as now. The scene on his phone screen has long since been abandoned, and all he can think about is you. He tries to pace around and wait until it goes away.

His building thoughts culminate into a single moment, where he finally makes a move while you lean in to kiss him. Rollo, despite all his research, has no idea what he’s doing, and simply pushes his tongue against your closed lips. Immediately, he pulls away.

“Ah... I, I- My apologies.” Rollo fumbles to pull his handkerchief out of his pocket, and nearly drops it to the ground in doing so. His face is burning up like never before. He feels a little better after taking a deep breath or two. “I shouldn’t have done that without asking. Was it- Are you alright?”

You smile at him, and it has his heart fluttering. “I’m fine, really! I barely felt it.” You laugh a little, but he doesn’t feel like he’s being made fun off. “But, please be honest- I know kissing isn’t like your favourite thing in the world, so you aren’t just doing this to make me happy, are you...? You don’t have to force yourself for me. In fact, please don’t.”

“I can promise you that’s not the case,” Rollo says. “This was something... Of a personal desire of mine, yes. I’ve never minded your kisses in the past either.” He crosses his arms and presses them close to his chest. “I will admit that I simply didn’t know how to respond yet. I’ve tried to educate myself further on the subject, but, ah... I’m not certain I’ve made much progress yet.”

Something in your expression, your smile, shifts a little. “The only way to get better at kissing, is through practice. Nothing else. Should we try?” Rollo’s throat suddenly feels a bit dry, but he finds himself nodding nonetheless.

When you press your lips to his, and your warm cheek presses against his cold skin, he’s already content. You mirror his previous action, the tip of your tongue brushing against his mouth. He parts his lips without hesitation. Your mouth makes a little noise as you readjust your head, tilting it a bit further to the side as you slide your tongue in. For a moment, Rollo’s surprised at how well he’s still breathing, until it feels awfully obvious.

Your tongue inside him feels both bigger and smaller than he expected. He tries to reciprocate, and though he’s sure the way he’s swirling his tongue around yours is clumsy, he hasn’t felt this good in ages. When you slide over the top of his mouth, a noise he’s never made before gets pulled from his throat. It’s a much more sensitive spot than he could have imagined.

Your kiss swept most of coherent thoughts from his mind. Once it’s over, Rollo is a little dazed and breathless. He leans forward to try and chase your touch when you pull away, without even realizing it. He doesn’t even try to hide his face. Nor does he clean it, despite a dribble of spit sliding down his skin. (It’s not filthy, as long as it comes from you.) All at once, he becomes conscious of just how warm he feels within, and folds his hands over his lap in a flurry of motion.

It’s such a sudden and suspicious movement, that you know instantly what’s happening to him, and it’s all just a little too much. He gets up in one jerky movement, pulling away from you and staring straight past you before excusing himself. The exact words he uses are immediately forgotten as soon as he says them. You don’t have a chance to protest before he’s gone and, the moment the door closes, he regrets it. Ah, he’s really hopeless, isn’t he...?

#cha.rollo #rollo flamme x reader #rollo flamm x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #cw.corruption

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unhappytimeleaper · 7 months

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This is part of my just random blurbs I post on the servers I’m on but no one understands so I’m forcing it on all of you.

Truly unedited thoughts. Gender neutral reader; no age is mentioned but the idea is reader is around Kei age.

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

No warnings outside of yes, it is vague but it is still yandere and possible spoilers for part 8 of Jojo

Kira himself was weird. At least hard to deal with, his narcissistic nature and OCD being one side that you could manage, within small doses, but the other being his naturally cold demeanor made it much harder. Somehow, you did manage to keep some form of a friendship. It was always hard when you would bring things up, and he would brush it off or tell you to just cut them out. You had him; why waste your time with others. Correction, you occasionally had him; you knew he was fond of his own personal time and interests, plus sometimes you just need a break from his personality. Sure, it made him a little more grumpy when you called this out, but amends usually were made quickly, and you'd fall back into your routine with each other. In his own weird way, Kira knew she was more fond of you than pretty much any other person outside of his family, even if it was hard to tell. Something you probably only ever learn from his sister after his disappearance.

Josefumi always felt abandoned and left out less you were around. You checked in on him in conversations, invited him to plans, walked alongside him, and overall did your best to consistently remind him that he had value. Was it wrong for him to be sort of selfish when it came to you and how much you seem to want to be with him? It meant something special to have you around, even if only as a friend, and it wasn't like with Sakunami. Josefumi was, after all, who you always turned to as a close friend when Kira and you were doing your own thing. Although his brutally violence fighting was something you shouldn't forget, or could really as the aftermath of some of them had been burned into your mind, he overall was a kind and caring young man you admired a lot and took pride in being friends with. It wasn't hard to see his crush, a very apparent one, but nothing could ever come from it as soon as he up and vanished.

Enter Josuke, or Gappy, nicknamed by his two front teeth. An odd fellow who appeared from nowhere with what seemed no memories. Not to say he wasn't smart, but he lacked a sense of self and the world around him. And despite this. Not knowing who he is, who anyone is really, he notes there is something strange about you. Not in a bad way, but like your fates are connected. That he cares for you even if he doesn't remember who you are. And despite everything, those feelings from both Kira and Josefumi only seem to be brought more and more to the front as you spend time. There is no memory of who you were to them; they are all separate people after all, but the care he has seems deeply burned into his soul. Something he doesn't want to lose, no matter what it takes.

You knew this wasn't them even as you learn and piece together this was the two friends you had lost. Gappy was someone new, and you couldn't push the life you had in the past with "them" onto him. It crushes you to be around him at times, you admit to yourself. The loss of both Kira and Josefumi was devastating; after all, even with the troubling nature they both could have, you did care for them as friends. And Gappy himself wasn't bad; he had many good traits and was fun to be around, but it's not like he could fill the hole in your heart. But even with the distance you tried to put in, acknowledging to him it's nothing he did or didn't do, you just needed space. Time. One day, maybe things would heal more, and you'd be able to truly befriend the new boy.

Distance isn't possible, though; the feelings of Kira and Josefumi, even without memories of who they are, are ingrained in a way he can't understand or explain. Like an invisible string connecting those they held dear to each of his fingers, he can't see what makes them special; he just feels it to his core. And he can't let it slip away, let you slip away when you hold the secrets to his past and to the weird drumming of his heart. Please, just stay a little longer? His drive is relentless, and while he can play cute to keep you around if what it takes, he does have other means he'd be willing to try if you keep pushing him away.

#jojo.leaps #yandere #yandere writing #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere character #tw; yandere #yandere jjba #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere josuke #Yandere Kira #kira yoshikage x reader #josuke higashikata x reader #Yandere Josefumi #Josefumi Kujo x reader

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frenzys-show · 4 months

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In Defense of Pharma

Guys I'm really tired of seeing ppl shit on Pharma solely for the incident with Ambulon. Seeing people defend Ratchet against him. Tired of people being awful to him because of things he couldn't control. People will really support the toxic ones because of the simple fact they are a popular character that everyone loves. I'm tired of pretending I like Ratchet (I adored TFA and G1 only). I don't. He's an awful guy when you look at the case with Pharma. And personally I just don't find him interesting like other characters. Ratchet fucking ruined Pharma pre-Delphi. He was this sweet guy who did his best and I strongly believe Pharma may have BPD, so that only makes what Ratchet did so much WORSE. The way Pharma attached to Ratchet reminds me of one with their FP (Favorite Person). He believed so much in Ratchet, looked up to him, considered him one of his closest friends, his FP if you will. He cared deeply about Ratchet, and it deeply affected him when he just up and fucking left without a proper goodbye. And so began a long fucking chain of him getting fucked over. Another point that gets used against him was the virus he unleashed, that wasn't his fucking fault. Tarn was pressuring him. He was stuck in an incredibly hard point. The DJD would after him if he didn't feed Tarn's addiction, he'd still be fucked even witht he fact he did it. Pharma gets stuck in the middle of nowhere with two people he doesn’t care for, and one of them is a direct target of the group blackmailing him into killing patients. There was nothing he could have done to make the situation better. And I fucking find it such BULLSHIT that First AId went to Ambulons side rather than Pharmas DESPITE THE FUCKING FACT Amublon is a ex-con, he could very well have been conspiring with Sonic and Boom. The fact Pharma got immediately blamed pisses me off. He was just doing his job, trying to keep his job, and juggle his issues with Ratchet appearing. His FP that fucking abandoned him. This is a STRONG example of how mental illness can fuck oneself over. As someone with BPD, I heavily relate to Pharma, so I am very defensive over this (no shit I'm writing a whole thing defending him). I understand his panic. His stress. The need to prove himself. A case too is with the incident of Ambulon. Yes, the way he handled the situation was awful, but think about it. He wanted to prove himself, to prove he was better than the asshole who left him behind. So how does he do it? Give a prompt to Ratchet that he KNOWS he can't fix, prove that Ratchet is not as good as he thinks he is. And as for Tryest, it's another situation of lose/lose. I didn't pay much attention to that bit of the story but I can say that Pharma was dealing with that whole 'I need to prove im better than these jerks so everyone will like me and need me' BPD mess he has going on. A person with BPD often seeks validation from others, needing FPs to love them and respect only them, which is why he usually claims himself as the best medic. He needs the validation, that boost to his fragile ego that is crumbling with every second. Plus Tyrest promised him a place in the forged only world he was planning. It made him feel valid and needed. He chased that feeling. And then Ratchet came along and started to derail his mind. Leading him to do something that ultimately painted him in a bad light. And he proved he was stronger within the Lost Light comics. Issue 4 showed him hurtingTyrest in such a fashion that not even the best medic, not even his "beloved Ratchet" (his words, not mine), could figure out how he caused so much damage. He was pissed off. He was having a split. He was damaged. I believe we should focus more on the goods of a character, the compexity of their issues, rather than honing on one specific thing that was not that big of a fucking deal. This fandom is awful with painting certain characters as awful awful people for simple issues that can be explained very easily. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUUUUSE ME. I'm going to take a moment to nap because I am so frustrated and overstimulated and angry rn.

#transformers #pharma is the best #pharma #pharma mtmte #mtmte #comics #transformers mtmte #rant #angry rant #apologist #bad characters are not truly bad sometimes #maccadam

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okkottsus · 1 year

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I usually dont mind ppl having different interpretations of characters and relationships, but this is just an insult to my boy’s character and his connection to nagi.

Reo may have developed an interest in nagi bc of his talent (and i find the notion of him doing the same thing he hated his family for at the start very interesting btw), but since then he obviously has developed an emotional attachment, and to him, it has to be nagi. he’s met people with even more skill than him in blk but he still hasnt spared them a 1/100 of the attention he gives to his best friend.

ofc i think it was important for them to improve on their own and maybe it was premature of him to go back to devoting himself to nagi so quickly, but i truly believe its bc he understood nagi’s perspective since he “abandoned him” and his true intentions.

the difference in their perspectives is very clear even before they enter blue lock:

at that point winning the world cup was just reo’s dream but even then, to reo, the most important thing was for them to be together until the end (nagi was the one who made him promise that would be the case too !!) , while nagi was content with just going along with him bc he started caring abt him as a person

until they lost to isagi’s team. from that moment, he decided (and was right imo) that they need to do whatever they can, even if they have to take separate paths for some time, to get stronger.

and nagi didnt “lose sight of their og goal” what are they talking about?? nagi literally mentions/thinks about their dream to be the best together every chance he gets?? he even got mad at reo cause he thought his friend was the one who forgot about their dream. he thought he was taking the vital steps to make it a reality and was frustrated reo couldnt see that:

reo felt betrayed because he cared about nagi himself as much as he cared about their dream and thought that nagi used him as a stepping stone to move forward alone, when actually it would be more accurate to say that nagi views everyone except for reo as a stepping stone. (i dont blame reo for this, since even tho nagi tried to communicate that hes doing it for them, he did a terrible job of it).

but during their latest talk reo had already worked on himself and had acknowledged the fact that he was in the wrong for assuming that them being together no matter the cost was the right thing

so when nagi approached him and explained himself a little better this time (boy was shocked when he realised how reo took their separation and put in a little bit more effort lol)

reo finally understood how their desires intertwine now. how can people claim that reo sees nagi as a tool when its more of the other way around; meaning reo sees himself as a tool for making nagi the best striker in the world and he already declared that to Ego before:

and again now:

plus saying that he and nagi arent friends and they are just using each other is so out of touch with everything we’ve seen so far. reo’s devotion to nagi aside, nagi too cares for reo a lot outside of soccer. even after he left reo, he still got excited to see him and talk to him despite everything; to him it was obvious they would continue to interact no matter which team each of them was on:

and he also felt bad for hurting him and expressed the hope that he would forgive him

the only thing that i wish would happen now is for nagi to apologise to reo face to face instead of only doing it in his own thoughts, and for reo to also talk about why he was hurt. but i feel like they understood each other either way without many words, because in the end, their bond is just that strong.

they now both want to succeed more than they ever have before and have stopped being their complacent selves we met during the first selection. they are both thinking far into the future and not just within blue lock, so whether they keep moving forward together or separated from now on, it will be knowing they are working towards their shared dream.

#blue lock #blue lock spoilers #nagireo #reonagi #if u read all this u're a hero asdjk its all over the place like my feelings #but yeh. i love them #hope this shows in the tags now...how am i supposed to share my thoughts with the 15 ppl who r as obsessed with them as i am huh

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northlight14 · 9 months

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Numb Little Bug

Summary: Hajime gets invited to a party filled with ultimates as Kazuichi's plus one. However, after being abandoned by Kazuichi at the party, he finds himself spiraling, leading to a very interesting (and annoying) conversation on the roof.

Tw: panic attack, alcohol and drug mentions, talk of suicide but it’s just a misunderstanding, depression, cursing

Ships: Hajime X Nagito focused, Kazuichi X Leon, Chiaki X Fuyuhiko, and Peko X Ibuki all mentioned (because rare pairs my beloved❤️)

Takes place in a non despair au

Also on ao3

—

Hajime wandered through the crowded room, the stench of alcohol and sweat infecting his nose. He held his red cup awkwardly as he pushed past the mob of dancing bodies and the occasional couple making out. He recalled kazuichi’s words with bitterness. “Don’t worry soul bro, I won’t leave your side the whole night!.... well, unless one of us needs to pee or something. But other than that, I won’t leave you alone! You have my word!” only for that to have immediately flew out the window the moment his eyes spotted some red-haired dude from another class who he guessed was Leon. Had Hajime been close to anyone else at the party, it might not have been as bad. However, he couldn’t spot anyone from the reserve course, the party seemingly being for the ultimates, Hajime only getting invited as Kazuichi’s plus one. Chiaki and Fuyuhiko had opted for staying in Chiaki’s dorm to play video games as a date night, just the two of them, neither really being interested in alcohol. And while Hajime did sort of know Peko because of Fuyuhiko, she seemed busy talking with a black-haired girl dressed in a rock style (Ibuki was her name, right?), and Hajime didn’t feel comfortable inserting himself in their conversation, nor did he think Peko would appreciate it if her blush as Ibuki spoke to her was anything to go by.

Long story short, Hajime had been completely abandoned at the party. After a few more shoves of the large crowd, he pushed his way to one of the walls, taking the occasional sip of his drink and watching the scene unfold. He wasn’t particularly interested in whatever drink he’d grabbed but having it to hold meant he had something to do with his hands, making him look less awkward. The music playing was some generic pop song, blasting so loudly through the speakers Hajime could feel the floor beneath him vibrate to the beat. He glanced around the room, taking in the various faces. A lot of them were familiar from when Hajime would go to his friend’s classes to meet them, however he wouldn’t say he actually knew any of them, instead only their fame and reputations. As he began to recognize more and more of these teenage celebrities, he found his heart begin to race in his chest. It didn’t matter how long he’d been attending Hopes Peak, or the fact he had befriended some of the ultimate’s himself, Hajime still couldn’t help but be amazed by all they do and inspire. The raw talent of each of them took his breath away and it wasn’t uncommon for him to get star struck. And here he was, in a room filled with his idols.

Ok, maybe I should try talking to someone? He thought to himself. It was then he spotted a tall, buff man with short black hair. He was smiling widely as he spoke to a small crowd of others, clapping them on the back every now and then. There was something about him that made Hajime feel confident enough to approach him. So, Hajime gulped before begging to walk on wobbly legs towards the man. However, as he walked, he began to become far too aware of the voices around him. A group of people cheered as one of their friends guzzled down several drinks at once. More groups laughed too loudly. There were couples making out messily on various surfaces. There was someone passed out on the couch, and no one bothered to check on them. And it was fine. This is fine. It's so hot? Why is it so hot? This is supposed to be fun. Why aren’t you having fun? Everyone else is! What is wrong with you?! You’re making yourself look like an idiot in front of all these ultimates! They all already know you don’t belong here with them and yet here you are embarrassing yourself even more! Why can’t you just be happy for once in your miserable fucking life-?

“Hey watch it!” A small girl with blonde pigtails yelled. “You just spilled my drink! Are you blind you idiot?!” Hajime opened his mouth to speak but the words were jammed in his throat. “Well?!” She accused and Hajime was pretty sure there were people in her group speaking as well, likely defending her but he wasn’t sure. Great job, dumbass. It’s too hot in here. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? I’m dying. I need to leave.

Suddenly, Hajime bolted for the back door that led out onto the balcony, the screams of the small blonde girl echoing behind him. He fumbled with the door handle, hands shaking too much to really be helpful, but eventually managed to pull the handle down and push his way outside onto the balcony. The cold air hit him hard, smelling fresh rather than like greasy pizza and teenagers. He took several deep breaths in and out, vaguely recalling the breathing techniques he’d seen Chiaki use for Fuyuhiko when he had a panic attack. Gradually, he felt his body begin to relax and fully absorb his surroundings. There was a slight wetness on his shirt, presumably from knocking into that girl’s drink. That girl… I should probably go back in and apologize…

As he turned to leave, he spotted someone on the roof. Due to the darkness and the distance, he could only make out the silhouette of a boy standing, arms outstretched, his fluffy hair blowing in the wind. Panic gripped onto Hajime at the sight. That boy, is he going to?

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Hajime yelled before he could stop himself. The boy turned and looked down at him. Through the darkness Hajime could only just make out his confused expression. It was then he recognized who it was he was now talking to.

The ultimate lucky student: Nagito Komaeda.

Hajime internally groaned but decided that given the situation, it wouldn’t be the best idea to leave Nagito alone. Using the railing of the balcony, Hajime lifted himself up onto the roof to join him.

“What are you doing?” he asked again, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Oh, it’s just you, Hajime.” Nagito said in a slight mocking tone, sitting down on the roof. “Just getting some air. Figured they wouldn’t miss trash like me at the party. I assume you’re in the same boat.” Hajime rolled his eyes.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re on the roof!” he snapped.

“I felt like it.” he shrugged. “The air is cooler up here and I can smoke without it bothering anyone if I want to.” he said, lifting up his joint and waving it a bit to show it off. “Why’d you join me if you think being up here is such a bad idea?” he said, smirking.

“Because I was worried, you asshole! I thought you were gonna…I don’t know…”

“Kill myself?” Hajime stayed quiet. Nagito laughed. “Ha, I’m flattered that you worry so much about me. But don’t worry, I’d never cause such an inconvenience for the ultimate’s and ruin their night.” Hajime stayed quiet, a little shaken by the fact Nagito never dismissed doing such a thing, only the place and way of doing it. “Shame though,” Nagito said, mournfully. “That if I had been doing something like that, it would’ve been you that came to stop me. Just my luck I guess.”

“Ok you know what?” Hajime said, irritated, before going to step down from the roof to head back inside.

Then suddenly, Nagito spoke again. “So why did you come out here?” Hajime didn’t know why he stopped in his tracks. It’s not like it was some groundbreaking question or anything. It’s not like he had to entertain Nagito’s insults. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have an array of better people to converse with back inside. And yet, despite all that, the question made him stop in his tracks, and turn back around to face Nagito, the only rational explanation he could come up with being that he was alone at a party, feeling anxious and like an outsider, and he’d finally found someone who he could speak to with relative ease, even if the conversation made him annoyed.

“Getting some air, same as you.” He answered simply. Nagito kept his gaze off into the distance of the night and nodded once before turning to face him.

“I’ll admit, I’m surprised you’re here. I’d assumed only ultimates were attending.”

Hajime joined Nagito sitting on the roof, still keeping some distance between them. “Yeah, I think that was the original plan, but Kazuichi invited me.” Hajime shrugged, looking off into the night.

“Where is Kazuichi, then?”

“Chatting up some dude, I think.” Hajime shrugged. Nagito laughed a bit at that.

“Aren’t you friends with Fuyuhiko and Chiaki? Why aren’t you with them?” Nagito asked.

“They didn’t wanna come. And I guess I know a few other ultimates, but I didn’t want to bother them, I guess.”

“And what? You couldn’t introduce yourself to other ultimates because you were too star struck?” Nagito mocked.

“I’m speaking to you, aren’t I?!”

Nagito breathed out a short laugh. “My talent can hardly be called a talent. It’s not surprising you’re not as intimidated by me as you are the others.” Hajime could think of a million ways that statement was wrong but decided not to voice them right at that moment.

“What about you? Aren’t you going to socialize with the other ultimates? You’re in the same class as some of them, right? Why aren’t you talking to any of them?”

Nagito was quiet for a moment, considering his answer. “Because I’m as pathetic as you, I guess.” He said, looking downward and smiling sadly to himself.

“Excuse me?”

“My talent is hardly anything special. It causes so much greatness and misfortune, nothing I’d want to subject my fellow classmates to. And yet, I can’t help but admire each and every one of them. Their talents truly are the embodiment of hope. It’s truly beautiful.” Nagito hugged himself as he spoke, getting lost in his own words. It scared Hajime, slightly. And yet he had no intention of leaving.

Suddenly, Nagito’s expression became bitter. “As much as it pains me, we’re a lot alike.”

“Hold on!” Hajime spluttered. “I am nothing like you! I don’t blow up buildings or scare people or do any of the creepy shit you do!” He yelled. Despite his outburst, Nagito remained perfectly calm.

“You understand that you’re inferior to those around you. You yearn to be close to those that inspire you, all while fearing being rejected or hurting them. You aspire desperately to create even a fraction of the hope they create.” Nagito looked him up and down, analyzing him. Hajime averted his gaze and shifted slightly from the discomfort of having Nagito look at him in such a way. “You feel so much self-hatred and loneliness and yet can’t help but hold onto the hope for something more, which is why you came to this party in the first place. It’s really quite beautiful.” Nagito sighed, looking up into the night.

Hajime felt his face burn. Of all the things he’d been expecting tonight, getting psychoanalyzed and called beautiful by Nagito Komaeda of all people hadn’t been one of them.

They were both silent for a while, Hajime fully taking in Nagito’s words. He’d been right, annoyingly. But there was one detail that was bothering him.

“If we’re a lot alike, does that mean you’re lonely too?” He asked. Nagito stayed still, not responding. A few more silent moments passed until Nagito spoke again.

“You should go back inside. Kazuichi will be missing you.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Hajime questioned, not in a mocking tone. That took Nagito off guard a bit.

“Why wouldn’t you want to?” he asked, confusion slipping into his voice.

“The air is cooler out here.” Hajime shrugged and smiled slightly. Nagito smirked in turn at the reference to his earlier comment.

“Does that mean I have to endure such a talentless nuisance for even longer?” Nagito mocked.

“What can I say? Must just be your luck.”

—

Thanks for reading!! This is my first time writing these characters so I hope I wrote them alright.

I haven’t watched the anime so if there’s any inconsistencies with it then oh well.

As always, I take constructive criticism

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stromuprisahat · 1 year

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Goodbye, S&B Genya!

Siege and Storm- Chapter 2

This time it is Genya, who earned the position of honour, acting as Alina’s babysitter. Last they saw each other properly, Alina treated her abominably. Unfortunatelly, Genya doesn’t seem to remember that, or she’s so desperate for companionship she doesn’t mind, or worse- mistakes it for affection.

I love Genya’s teasing. It’s her way of lightening the atmosphere, distracting Alina from her negative moods. She could come across as uppity bitch, except she never really means it badly.

The worst thing about toxic people in our past is missing them.

Alina wants to know, if Genya was her friend, but was she hers? We always saw Genya being the giving side of their relationship, Alina did exactly one (1) nice thing for her. How little’s enough for Genya to call Alina friend? A bit of attention, not even a shoulder to cry on, because the moment Alina’s forced to face her “friend’s” reality, she shames and abandons her for own comfort and love interest.

Are you sorry for someone else’s actions you had no control over? But then again Alina likes to feel responsible for Malyen’s decisions, so it’s only fair to expect the same from others.

Huge fan of Alina’s pose of wise and experienced know-it-all. She knows better, because someone else told her. It’s been so long... like few weeks. The Darkling’s what, not who. Baghra’s words are automatically the truth. And the Darkling’s only concern is power, because why would anyone do anything, right? (Plus he’s evil and evil people like power!) That’s the scenario that fits Alina’s worldview, and it’s just so much easier to keep an eye on interpretation, than change your mindsets.

Alina’s thinking rarely goes further than a step ahead. No wonder whole speech the Darkling gave in the Fold didn’t leave any trace in her mind. Novokribirsk’s destruction is immediate effect. That’s where it ends for her. Why would anyone cause something so horrible? For their ego! (Reminds me of saying in Czech- Podle sebe soudím tebe.- something like “I judge you by myself.”)

There’s also the issue of Schrödinger’s Novokribirsk- when both the size of the inhibited area and its destruction kept changing through the books. Even with that on mind, Alina sounds pretty delusional.

No! Don’t bother Alina with these questions! She doesn’t want to think about it!

A few soldiers from the First Army made it back...

Conveniently silenced, I suppose. Wouldn’t want anyone to know the bright new Sun Saint’s a murderer and a traitor...

How many people had been aboard that sandskiff? Thirty? Forty?

Sixty at least, but nevermind... Alina feels sick? Wow, I’m sure those dead are relieved you’re not feeling well. Certainly helps with their situation. ... and that’s the difference between “doing what you have to” and being a monster, isn’t it? At some point you should make sure you mention how bad you’re feeling...

I’d sacrificed those people for Mal’s life, for my freedom, and in the end, they’d died for nothing.

Malyen’s life 96 %

“freedom” 4 %

Why was it all for nothing? Whose fault is that? It’s not about bad luck or circumstances, but (Malyen and) Alina’s stupidity.

No! Why would you say that?! You’re talking to a traitor, deserter, who doesn’t give a crap about anything but herself! How is this the same person as the one few lines earlier, asking about the skiff?! Some character consistency, please?! If Genya tried to comfort her with “You did what you thought/believed you had to do.”, I’d let it pass, but this way?!

Alina's conctantly doing her best to upset Genya. For trying to comfort her.

harsh bark of laughter ... yanked my hand away... She looked down at her lap, pleating and unpleating the folds of her kefta.

Loud, abrupt noises and actions trigger nervous tic in Genya. She turns defensive.

Something about this passage doesn’t sit well with me. As if the King were some minor antagonist, not a fucking rapist leech. As if Genya should’ve considered him as a choice.

So, Alina thinks Grisha can just freely emigrate?! Start a new life somewhere else? This sounds like they’re just visiting Ravka for holidays...

How much does Genya know about the pogroms?

Ahahahaha... We all serve someone. Grisha are always Crown’s property, their uniform doesn’t free them from service!

Protected? Do you mean possibly not beaten to death by an angry mob, but allowed to die on front? Favoured as in eating well and better supplied, because their general cares? But realizing that would require Alina to take interest in other people’s lives...

Earn the right to wear red? It’s NOT a fashion statement! She was a part of Queen’s household! The Darkling needed to get her out before changing her kefta! The only way to take royals’ toy away from them is to make sure they’re no longer in position to make you regret it. There’s no red kefta for Genya with Lantsovs at helm!

Once again, Alina’s list of priorities is just astonishing!

Genya’s already re-written here. She doesn’t conveniently mention the Darkling gave her the chance to send the letters later. What’s this Genya’s play?! Why blame him, denying her own agency?

“You decide,” he says. “I’ll have the letters brought to you.”

“You kept them?”

“Post them. Give them back to her. Do whatever you think best.”

I watch him closely. This feels like some kind of trick. “You can’t mean that.”

He looks at me over his shoulder, his gray eyes cool. “Old bonds,” he says as he gives the horse a final pat and pushes off from the fence. “They can do nothing for Alina but tie her to a life long gone.”

The paper is starting to fray beneath my fingers. “She’s suffering.”

He stops my fidgeting with the briefest touch of his hand. His power flows through me, calming, the steady rush of a river. Best not to think where the current may take me.

“You’ve suffered, too,” he says.

...

I think of Alina’s too-thin fingers gripping the edge of the sheet, the hope she can’t hide in her pale, expressive face as she writes out the tracker’s name. I open the black wood box, and I feed the letters to the fire, one by one. It hurts, but I can bear it. Because I am a doll, and a servant. Because I am a pretty thing and a soldier all the same.

In The Tailor, Genya thinks the Darkling’s testing her somehow. I’d argue he took it as an educational opportunity. Genya’s one of his most promising spies, he’s teaching her to make tougher choices, counting with her for higher position with greater responsibilities that would require making less palatable decisions. Even as an ordinary spy, she’d need to lie to and hurt people she personally likes.

Because friendship with a girl, who takes and takes and takes, but never gives (except for that ~one~ moment) should always come before duty, vengeance and better life for everyone.

Also love those moments, when Alina admits the Darkling’s right somehow, but doesn’t let it bother her, just keeps going on...

Wow, I almost feel bad for her. If only Alina got her head out of her ass and gave ~anyone~ a reason to care about her...

Once again, huge fan of choice of words...

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bookworm-2692 · 20 days

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hmm you already answered 1 in your tags. so 19 and 4, perhaps, for the mcyt ask game

thank you for the ask!!! :D

19: Have you picked up any vocabulary from mcyts?

Hmm, that's a tricky one? Like. Probably, because I was twelve when I started watching. But it's hard to know specifically. I have started using -ificate, but that's currently more a conscious effort because it's fun to say rather than normal so far. I do remember back in the day feeling like I was picking up vocab but now I can't remember it. "Hadjah!" is also fun to say. I am honestly more aware of picking up vocab from a specific friend of mine, but like. I've probably picked up mcyt vocab because I've watched so much over the years.

4: Do you play minecraft yourself? If yes, for how long have you been playing it?

Well, I don't regularly play these days, but I have played in the past. My account was created in March 2012... so that means my cubito is twelve years old now. My cubito is half my age. My brother got minecraft in Dec 2011, so me and my sister also shared his account for a few months until my sister and I got our accounts, and back then we played a LOT together. I remember not really understanding much, and trying to plan my house down to the block on grid paper while waiting for my turn to play minecraft. I tried to create two portal rooms in my basement because I didn't understand the nether and the end and didn't know you couldn't just build the end portal in your basement.

Friends at school would also play pocket edition minecraft so I joined in but bemoaned that the functionality was worse than computer minecraft. Bedrock minecraft in my head is still like 2012 pocket edition, even though I know it can't be true. A lot of minecraft in the early years and then from 2014 I probably stopped playing as much, and in 2016 when my Mindcrack interest died (because Mindcrack basically had died, and ZPM was all I was watching until it got abandonned), I also lost interest in playing minecraft too (and my friend had gotten me into danganronpa and then zero escape and then I just had other interests).

And then just before whenever the nether update happened again (2019??) I got nostalgic and opened it again and made a minecraft server with my siblings and friends again and it was great fun but then the server stopped working for people outside my network which was frustrating so then that stopped after only a few months and I didn't play any minecraft again for a few years and then I re-entered mcyt fandom in June 2022 with Double Life and I've watched SO MANY videos since then but not played much minecraft.

I opened a new world one day to open it to LAN so I could play with two friends but then one of them, her java edition looked like bedrock and she couldn't find the multiplayer window, and the other one could open multiplayer but her minecraft couldn't find my LAN world. so we instead played new single player worlds for a few hours, and then a couple of times over the next weeks I opened it and did small amounts, but then I haven't touched it in another year or so.

So like. Yes I've had minecraft for half my life now (which is WILD to realise) but I don't play frequently like at all. I would love to play but with a full time job + sportsball 1 + sportsball 2 i don't actually have much free time, and what I do have i instead spend on reading fic or watching videos or cross-stitching while watching a vod or playing dnd with my friends etc. playing minecraft would eat up so much time and i dont think i could just play like ten minutes at a time. plus i currently dont have a desk. or a mouse. so i'd be playing on a laptop on mousepad. which i've *done* but. Oh wait I did also play some MCCI briefly, but got bored on account of doing badly on account of playing with a trackpad and thus having terrible movement. and also being bad at pvp.

so i guess the short answers to those questions are "no" and "for twelve years" which are incongruous answers without the long explanation. and i'm now noticing just how long, so i shall be nice and add paragraphs for you.

#thank you so much for the ask #i hope the rambly answer satisfies haha #ask #mindacracka #(bonus extra tag bc idk if its true that things later than five tags wont show up in the main tag but i hope thats true)#(because this is so rambly but i still need to tag this for blog organisation reasons)#mcyt #hermitcraft #minecraft

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snifflesthemouse · 1 year

Text

It's making sense now... I see now what I am missing. This whole time I have been looking at the dastardly duo everyone loves to loathe.

I got so wrapped up in what they were doing that I forgot an important rule... the people at the top always know way more than they let on. We get the bare minimum of the need-to-know stuff.

Plus, I forgot the Golden Rule of critical thinking... Occam's Razor states the most simple reason is the most likely reason.

Sometimes, we miss the truth in front of our faces because we forget the lens we are looking through skews things. When we always look at things the same way, we miss things we'd otherwise see.

Let me give you an example non BRF related... I stayed with an abusive murderer for six years too long (ions ago, as my life has been on track and a blessing for almost a decade now, we do recover). WHY?

Because I was too busy looking at things with my own feelings, personality, and opinions. You MUST learn to think objectively if you desire to see truth. Truth is not relative to the observer. Truth is truth. And, the truth doesn't change with the interviewer or the day of the week.

Instead of seeing lie after lie, I would make excuses for him based on how I perceived things. I would make judgments based on how things made me feel or how I could save someone even. SPOILER ALERT: You cannot save anyone from anything without them first wanting to be saved from themselves.

Instead, I should've pulled myself back and looked at things with objective perspective. I should've put myself in his mindframe. I should've looked at things from the lens of the murdering con artist.

This author has been looking at things from a witnessing perspective. Not in the mindframe of the true decision makers.

Harry and Meghan seem to always find a way to not only stay relevant as horrible people, but also have entire flocks of people charged with wearing away at people who criticize them until they abandon ship. (i.e. Mia Farrow) There seems to be only two extremes these days where people either worship or loathe them. Where is the healthy middle?

So... going back to the link I shared... why is King Charles III leaving all these people out of the Coronation and offending the aristocracy? He's already upset the Church, as well as alienate a whole nation with a photograph.

I'm sorry, but I want my energy to match. If I can sit and scrutinize one member of the BRF... is it not ONLY FAIR to use that same level of scrutiny and interest on all others? That's the problem with blindly supporting things or people. We lose sight of our standards when the faith is completely blind.

I need to chew on this some more... Charles has suggested when he became King he would set aside his own personality and uphold everything his mother upheld.

But, it seems so odd that BP could possibly "forget" an invitation. Make it make sense to me.

Dukes, ladies, etc being left off of the invite list... Meghan and Harry (W/O kids) are part of the souvenier olive tree book... well I guess in all those private visits during the Funeral and Platinum parties there was never a time for a grandpa to get a decent picture with his grandkids to use?

I guess nobody wanted a group picture?

Maybe I need to read Spare or that Robert Johnson book and look for more clues. Maybe reading Harry's own ghost-writer's words will give some insight...

PLEASE remember that there is no such thing as a good or bad person. People are just people, and they all have the capability to be equally horrible and honorable. As a famous author once said, "Even Hitler loved dogs"

FINAL NOTE: Real recognizes real. That is a prison/street saying that means creatures of the same species can always find their own kind. Please remember I am not the one to judge anyone. The only reason I can point out things others fail to mention is because I used to be a pretty terrible person. Great con, terrible person. I had to lose everything and then some, then work harder than hard to rebuild. I can spot a me a mile away, people.

Unless you've been to prison or dated the dumpster fire of burning dog turds I have, you probably see things in a less cynical light. I've been counseling, teaching, and exposing people for over half a decade. Before I turned my life around, though, I was a horrible person.

I know people. I know the worst of the worst kind of people. I survived being stabbed and beaten and so much more because I am good at knowing how these outlier personalities operate.

Don't take my words for gospel. Don't be so weak minded you just nod and accept everything someone peddles as truth, either. We have to stop and think.

So... what's really good?

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octoberland · 6 months

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I've been digesting the Loki season 2 finale and have a lot of conflicting thoughts. I'm hesitant to post here because I feel like I always end up upsetting people when I share my candid thoughts. But where else is my autistic ass gonna brain fart this shit? I feel an overwhelming need to share my love of fandom with people but it's not something I can often indulge in in real life. So here goes, in no particular order.

I ended up having to mute a particular tag here. I firmly believe that everyone has a right to ship what they want. But it was difficult for me to find posts that were just about the show or character. It seemed like every post was about that particular ship. FWIW, I don't have a particular canon ship regarding Loki. I'm ecstatic that he's bisexual but other than that he is not a character that I feel needs romance. In my fanfic I do ship him with Darcy. I'm sad they never got to meet onscreen. But not because I think they would fall in love. I just think they'd be really funny together.

Anyway, that finale. I am a fan and reader of the comics though if you quizzed me I don't know how well I would score. So my thoughts are mostly around the MCU plus a bit about Norse mythology.

I liked season 1 better than season 2. Season 1 had a very cohesive narrative both visually and with the story. For me, there was not a disappointing episode in season 1. I think that was in large part due to Kate Herron's passion for Loki and the amount of thought and research and hands on work she did for that season.

As much as I love Justin Benson and Aaron Moorehead, I think their chaotic style - combined with changes in the writers' room- led to a disjointed season 2. Some episodes were great. Others felt like they dragged.

Here are some of my chief complaints/disappointments overall of the finale and season:

Season 1 built up this romance between Loki and Sylvie as though it were a key focal point and then it pretty much got dropped in the second season. I don't ship them but I would have appreciated at least one realistic conversation between them about how he felt. Or even a conversation with someone else about how he felt. It just seemed like the whole thing was sort of abandoned? I know he looked for her and cried a bit but it was all very vague.

The crying. He seemed to cry a lot this season? And of course we do need to see more men crying onscreen but it felt like a little too much. Kind of out of character. The opposite of rage isn't crying. So if they were trying to show growth by having him cry a lot it just didn't hit that way for me.

It honestly felt like it ended on a low note. I don't just mean for Loki. Everyone seemed kind of sad and unhappy. And I know it's not a show about happiness but I guess for me there's just so much bad in the real world right now that I needed to see a message of hope. I needed Mobius on a jet ski. I needed Sylvie doing something nice for herself. I needed the people at the TVA to do whatever would be fulfilling for them.

And honestly? I needed to see Thor and Loki together even if it was just quickly. Loki had the power to go anywhere and any when and not once in all of that did he go see his brother to say a proper goodbye? Or even to his mother for that matter? I understand he loved his friends at the TVA and that's a good thing but it felt like everyone else in his life was forgotten. He never even made mention of them.

All that being said, I LOVED seeing Loki come into his power. Though it's interesting that both he and Thor only truly came into their powers after losing everything. Which leads us back to the sadness of the ending. I'm glad they didn't kill Loki. And I'm glad they didn't kill Sylvie. But I'm sad that Loki is stuck doing the one thing he came to fear most: living life alone. He has not had one single moment of happiness in this arc and I hate that.

In a way, his ending is reflective of the Norse mythos. True, he's not bound by a snake and being tortured by venom. But he is essentially trapped. And were he to let go then all the worlds would end.

So what does the future hold? I'm not sure. I think we've seen the completion of Hiddleston's arc as Loki. He might pop up here and there again but doubtful as the main Loki. I'm guessing we'll see either kid Loki or Young Avengers Loki. Personally, I'd love to see Agent of Asgard Loki. Whoever it is, they will have some big shoes to fill.

So these are just some of my thoughts. Not gospel. Just one person's feelings about the show. I will say, ironically, I do feel inspired to write which is something I haven't done in a while. Ironic because of him becoming the God of Stories. Though I gotta admit, the way he kind of sneered at Ouroboros for being a writer stung!

#loki #spoilers #loki season 2 #tom hiddleston #mcu

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stasisarbiter · 10 months

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Maerwyn's Adventures in the Hinterlands

A brief (maybe) write up of my thoughts on my latest MSQ Journey in Heavensward

I'm glad we got a member of the Scions back. I wasn't too familiar with Y'shtola to be honest, besides her being a popular waifu online. I don't recall her ARR voice but her HSW voice works real good for her, and so does the new outfit. This is probably the first time I see her as a character? Rather than an NPC? Idk it's hard to describe but she's much more noticeable, maybe it's just the waifu factor though, which I definitely feel this go around in interactions. Also is she blind now? She looks at people and otherwise looks fine, but I feel like her eyes are whiter than before, but it's honestly been awhile since I've actually seen her around so maybe I'm just tripping. Plus she mentions something about Alphinaud's aether being different.

I've only gotten to see Sharlayan (the city) at night as that's when it was when I got there but it looks cool, the once bustling city now overrun by nature (and the Illuminati I think is what they were called? I think Brayflox stole cheese from them or something).

Idyllshire is much different than what I was expecting, I had seen the Aetheryte on the map before and heard about it from the internet (mostly beginner videos/blogs about the free trial) but I expected idk something greener, but instead it's treasure hunters and gobbies living in an abandoned square.

I WOULD DIE FOR KHLOE AND ZHLOE

I feel like I've heard the name Matoya before but I honestly can't recall. Maybe I've just read the name in a conversation in the past in ARR that I've long since forgotten.

Time is real screwy in FFXIV but idk how long we've been away but the Pope and friends must have made hella headway in Azys Lla by this point, for all we know the world could be ending right now.

Overall nice to get Y'shtola back, and having done the summoner questline I got some nice small nods to knowing Y'mhitra already so that's cool. Heavensward as a whole is for sure better than ARR (which I liked anyway). It has certainly veered into an interesting path after the whole Dragon's debacle back into Allagan shit, I wonder if the Allagan's are just gonna be a part in every expansion.

I'm bad at ending things and my mind has ran out of things to dump

#stasis plays ffxiv #heavensward spoilers

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terrence-silver · 2 years

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How would Terry Silver react to his daughter dating John?

You kidding me!? It is the best thing could ever happen!

...Well, to Terry in the 80's, anyway. Sure, somewhat unplanned, but, if Terry can have one extra way to tie John Kreese to himself then yes, becoming actual family is a jubilant affair and Terry couldn't have thought it out better himself, almost like this was meant to happen, because around this time, his opinion of John is immensely high, he holds him in great esteem and regard, he admires him, feels murderously and vengefully protective of the man and the man's interests (however misguided said interests may be in actuality), has an almost manically enthusiastic flare in doing an endless onslaught of favours for him and the sentiment is genuinely warm between them (if not burning). If Terry can't literally marry John himself, then his daughter is really just an extension of himself through which John can be his, platonically, through the lenses of camaraderie and brotherhood, hero worship, obsession, controlling tendencies, years of undisclosed yearning and want --- you name it and yeah, Terry might just be a bit pushy and get the bright idea to turn dating into marriage really quickly in a 'So, should I be preparing a ceremony, Johnny?' type of way? Their dynamic is infinitely complicated even now and Terry becoming John Kreese's actual father-in-law (something he jokes about with an infinite air of giddy glee) is honestly, to Terry anyway, the crowning moment of everything they went through together in Vietnam and the ultimate payback for all John has done for him. John saved his life countless times, so in return, Terry gives him his daughter, which, for all Terry's concerned, there's really no son-in-law that can measure up to the draconic standards he'd set...nobody but John Kreese. Ironically, John's the only son-in-law Terry would be pleased with even if John's material resources aren't up to par with the Billionaire's exuberant, lavish tastes. But, John's John and that makes John excellent by virtue of being John. Everyone else can own half of the world and still not be what John is to Terry; which is pretty unfair, but undoubtedly true.

Old man Terry? Oof.

Putting aside the fact that Terry would've been responsible for deliberately putting away his possible, maybe, perhaps son-in-law and oldest friend behind bars on trumped up charges, there's thirty plus years of extremely layered baggage between these two, which involves feelings of heartbreak, bitterness, resentment, love, abandonment, toxicity, promises made, promises kept and a whole Pandora's box of messiness. Messiness Terry might not wish a child of his involved in because he knows the stakes it comes with. This entirety of everything is between him and John, and nobody else, so to know that John is with his daughter brings up feelings. Not necessarily bad ones, but not necessarily good ones either. He loves this man. Hates this man. Feels indebted to this man. Would die for this man. Would kill this man. Would build him up and cast him back down and he feels somewhere deep down, John was gone for three decades, leaving Terry dry and forsaken, only to come back and take his daughter too, outside of bringing him back to run Cobra Kai with him, only to go about putting him in his place. See how it is all a great big chaotic whirlwind? See how the timing of John being with say, Terry's daughter is very off indeed? Don't get me wrong, Terry won't go about breaking this relationship, no. Not directly, anyway. It'll break itself, he feels. John Kreese still is dangerous and he goes about assaulting people left and right so it really isn't prudent to stay in touch, you see. Wink-wink. John still gets put in jail for supposedly beating up Stingray, and while his daughter cries on his shoulders, begging her papa to help her Johnny. Terry coos and lends all the comfort in the world, promising to get his best lawyers on the case while Johnny's unavailable, for his, quote on quote 'own mental wellbeing'. Which, this help he promises never comes. Because he's behind this whole entire scheme. An eye for an eye. John breaks Terry's heart for a second time, Terry retaliates by keeping the dojo and keeping his daughter right where she belongs. With her old, trusty, devoted dad.

If Johnny simply acted right, he could've had it all; the princess and the castle.

#terry silver #kk3 #cobra kai #john kreese #silver!daughter #daughter!silver #silver family #implied cobra husbands #tw; all the warnings #tw; family dynamics #old man terry #80's terry silver #80's john kreese

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lacktastrophe · 2 years

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Your analysises are always interesting to read and have made me think a lot about the characters and plot and made me reconsider some things after first reading new chapters. I wanted to get your opinion on Lucy's feelings for Mike since that's one developement that I still think about. They have a complex friendship but it really seemed like he had pushed the last straw with December plus her attitude after she came back then it turned out she still loved him in Eternal Flame. 1/2

I can probably give a somewhat condensed version as opposed to going through every single thing that might have influenced how Mike still remained central to Lucy, but it goes without saying that Lucy is wrought with issues, those ranging from her co-dependancy on Mike to the various traumas she's had to endure over the course of her life, those in particular including those moments where she put her trust and faith in others and was wronged, or when receiving unconditional love, abandonment, ptsd from the trip in the other town, being objectified.... the list goes on.

Even after being a massive prick to Lucy in December, Mike still retains this very big place in Lucy's heart, and the main reason for that is because he's been there for her when the others haven't in the past, and no one thus far has been able to fill that hole and Lucy has not been able to become independent of it either. Mike was there as her first friend who accepted her for who she was (albiet, begrudgingly at first, and for the longest time until he convinced himself otherwise), making a huge difference when the others around them wouldn't. Further cementing his place was when she had a brief taste of what it would have been like without access him, she felt vulnerable, and safe to say it was the loneliest and most depressing part of her life, until she found Yashy's egg. But about the same time, when Mike found his way back to Lucy, the co-dependency between them started to form. That trauma though of being alone, not so much abandoned though stayed with her since, she seemed to have forgiven him for that at some point, it seems.

Lucy would start to open up to the others around the time when it was revealed Sandy was back in the picture. Though, I would feel that was a thing she wasn't doing so much because she needed to at the time (as when things started to really take off after Zachary's involvment), but because that was a convenient reason to get away from hearing about Sandy from Mike, as she would later start even hanging around Augustus whom was the worstly because the others weren't meeting her expectations. It was that bad!

Following Zachary's talk with her, Lucy would try to invest more in the others, but through various bad luck, distractions, and people just assuming she'd fix herself, she would find none of them becoming fruitful and past grieviences and traumatic events would give reason to Lucy to lose faith in them, and she would shut herself off. She could not bring herself to trust them, and that was ever more the case in Double Down when Paulo starts to probe into the reasons why she doesn't open up, and starts using things against her.

Augustus' presence in Lucy's life is not so indifferent from how Yashy kept Lucy preoccupied in Mike's absence back in the third grade, as she's basically allowing herself to be distracted by him and is able to function normally at the school, she has something to look forward to.

This maternal relationship is hinted a lot in Double Down too as Lucy is almost motherly with how she sees Augustus off like her own child...but only to be reminded of her own...uh...problems.

and again when she's disappointed that Augustus is...well, he's getting a life outside of her.

We do see some improvement in this same chapter as though it's almost as if Jordan will transcend Mike as that supportive figure she can rely on that Mike used to be, although we have yet to see how that will pan out.

But going back to Mike, the meeting in Eternal Flame probably isn't too different to how they reconciled in the past when Sandy left the first time. We could expect Lucy was just about independent from Mike, but like back then, a Mike in need caused the co-dependency to reappear. Lucy does appear to have completely gotten over Mike, there's showings that Mike had completely forgotten aspects to Lucy just to rub salt in the wound after all these years.

But, Lucy is willing to get over all that on the possibility of things going back to how they were when she only needed to depend on Mike and he only ever was attentive to her. It might have only been in a sense of duty given Lucy had no other friends at the time, and during that time Mike had been obviously substituting his memories of Lucy for Sandy instead. But it's all fine for Lucy, because she was blissfully unware, and those were the years when she was undeniably happy. With Sandy out of the picture again, this time appearing like it had been for good, maybe they can go back to how things were like when they thought Sandy was gone forever?

But anyway, yeah, it's just that; the answer is Lucy was willing to forgive Mike for everything for her own happiness and for things to go back to what they were like in the past when she was undeniably happy, even if she was blissfully unaware of why Mike was remaining her friend. He was simply Lucy's first and best friend, they've known each other for years. She doesn't feel vulnerable around him at all unlike the others and he's apparently the only person she can bring herself to trust about herself. She's confided everything about herself to him. And none of her other friends have been able to fill the void he left behind for various reasons, both their own faults and through the traumas she hasn't been able to overcome.

Though, now that's Mike's gone ahead and betrayed her again, it's a question of what's to come now.

#bcb #bittersweetcandybowl #bittersweet candy bowl

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butterflydm · 2 years

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wot reread: lord of chaos (chap 10)

spoilers for lord of chaos

1. “For a moment Rand wished for the days when he could have strolled the Palace corridors alone”. What? This never existed, Rand. The last time you were here, pre-Dragon knowledge, you were under guard the entire time, on account of being a potential threat to the Daughter-Heir and/or security of the palace. I guess he means it in a more general way -- he doesn’t like always having his bodyguards around but... he’s never been allowed unguarded in the Caemlyn Royal Palace. So it just strikes me as kinda funny, I guess.

2. Rand on his duty here in Caemlyn: “it was like being beaten to death with feathers”. lol. Anyway, I’m glad he’s thinking about making sure that the pensioners’ are still getting their payments. He notes that he’s put the Waygates here, in Tear, and in Cairhien under guard, but he doesn’t know if he’s got them all covered since some of the knowledge is lost.

3. Haha, he does think about how he would definitely still have been under guard in the old days, “when he had to worry about providing a coat for himself”, okay, I take back my ??? from earlier. He just needed some time to get there.

4. Taim showed Rand the trick about not letting the heat touch you, so Taim has now taught him that trick plus how to detect men who can potentially channel but haven’t touched the Source yet. Aww. Rand notes that the Maidens are Making An Effort to understand wetlander humor.

5. It’s interesting that Rand is very aware that his own complete disinterest in the Two Rivers is done because he’s trying to protect it from people who might otherwise tried to use it against him as a hostage, but he doesn’t wonder if Bashere’s apparent disinterest in what is currently happening in Saldaea might have a similar basis. I don’t know if it does or not, but it’s interesting that the possibility doesn’t seem to occur to Rand. But Rand does feel like he’s abandoned the Two Rivers and feeling that way had added another weight to his self-hate -- now he wonders that if he were able to find a way out of his fated death, if he even deserves to take that escape.

6. Rand thinks about how his strong ta’veren nature twists luck to the breaking point for others’, both in good and bad ways, and also thinks about how Masema (who has made doubting Rand a crime) needs to be reined in. Yeah, you probably should do something about that. Probably personally, since you’re the only person he would take seriously.

7. Bashere brings up the rumors being spread that Rand is a false Dragon who killed Morgase with Aes Sedai help (ah, the one that reached Gawyn, or similar to it). Aww -- “Andor would be the one land he did not split apart in war. He would give Elayne a land as unblemished as it had come to him. If he ever found her, he would.” Once again, my frustration against the Aes Sedai as a group is incredibly high. If Elayne had come to Caemlyn with that upcoming embassy, Rand would have been so happy and relieved to see her that he probably would have been willing to make a deal with the Salidar Aes Sedai on the spot (but if Elayne had gone to Caemlyn with the embassy, there wouldn’t have been narrative room for Rand & Min to happen, which is the main reason that she did not get the chance, imo).

8. Three of the Ladies & Lords who had originally been loyal to Morgase (and tossed out of the city during Gaebril’s time, for that loyalty, to isolate her) have returned to the city, though they have not yet answered any messages. Rand also learns that there are two Aes Sedai arrived, who have taken rooms at an inn in the New City.

9. When he goes out into the Palace gardens (no longer kept green by Elaida’s use of the Power), he spots Aviendha, and wonders if he loves her. He thinks about her, then Elayne, and ‘even Min’, and then LTT gets consumed by thoughts of Ilyena. “What he did know was that he was dangerous; he had nothing to offer any woman except pain.”

10. “The few occasions he found to just enjoy anything were precious.” BABY! He is a whole baby. He never has time to do things just to enjoy them. No wonder he’s getting harder and tighter and all wound up. Some moments of relaxation are needed just for the human brain to work properly, Rand.

11. When Rand goes to the inn to meet the two Aes Sedai, he is shocked to find a whole bunch of Two Rivers girls, including Mat’s sister Bode. There are a dozen women that he recognizes to one degree or another. re: Bode - “The only thing about her that looked at all like Mat was a mischievous something around the eyes.” Rand learns that the only thing that “Lord Perrin” told them of him was that he was off having adventures and wearing fine coats. Bode anxiously asks after Mat and says their mother worries over him, and Rand says that Mat is well.

12. Rand is kinda ??? about “Lord” Perrin but doesn’t get a good explanation tbh, just that everyone corrects him “in the perfunctory way they might someone who said horse when he should have said sawhorse”. Rand regrets the potential deaths that might not have happened if he’d gone to the Two Rivers himself instead of letting Perrin go, but reminds himself that all his choices come with a price, at this point in his life. He cannot be everywhere at once. Aw, this conversation is actually a really sweet break for Rand, even with his guilt. I’m pretty sure it’s about to be ruined tho.

13. Alanna and Verin show up to say that the girls are not going to Tar Valon at this time. He says that they must have heard the Tower is broken, and they tell him that it needs to be discussed privately. After some discussion, it is just the three of them, with no Warders or guards.

14. Awww. Rand does want to know if the rebels will support him, but he really really wants to know if Elayne is there. He tells himself that it’s just about Andor, because he’s Too Dangerous To Love, but he wants to see her so badly. Rand is disappointed but not surprised when they tell him that even if they knew where the rebels were, they would not let him know.

15. Then Alanna tricks Rand into letting her bond him as her Warder. Because she believes that it does him no harm, she can tell him “nothing I do here will cause you any injury” despite it being something he absolutely would not want and she did not ask permission to do. He’s immediately aware of both himself and Alanna in an intense way and feels dizzy and confused. After bonding him, she attempts to shield him, so he immediately shields her and Verin instead. He sees that Alanna feels contentment after bonding him, even after she can see how upset he is.

16. Outside the bubble of the void, Rand can feel shock and rage. He tries to force himself to be calm, but part of him is blaming himself for trusting her even enough to potentially heal him. Rand tells them that they WILL be staying in Caemlyn and should be grateful he’s not planning to tie off their shield and leave them that way. He tells them that they must stay away from him and the Inner City is barred to them. If they try to go there, he will shield them again, leave them that way, and dump them in a cell.

17. Outside the room, Bashere has told the Emond’s Field women about Rand being the Dragon Reborn and, when he is questioned on this and told that he’s making it up and lying to people, Rand snaps and scares them by using the Power on them. Bashere says it’s probably for the best that they’re scared of him, and Rand reluctantly agrees. But he wishes he could have talked to them “a little while longer” about home. “Best that they were afraid of him. Best that he forgot the Two Rivers”.

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #lord of chaos #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers

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pineappleciders · 2 years

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Hello! I'm also coming for an Omori match-up! (however don't push yourself to do mine if you have too many requests, please!!)

So um, physically wise, I'm a very short guy (around 1m47/4'9" last time I checked), bit chubby? short messy brown hair, plus glasses and green eyes. Even if I'm transmasc and very small, most people gender me as a guy (which is good!).

Personality wise, I tend to be pretty moody I think. I'm also always worried to hurt people and constantly say "sorry" (and maybe tend to put other people before myself). Never looking people in the eyes and not getting hints is my thing too. I'll also try to stand up for what I think is right even if I get easily overwhelmed by confrontations (+ rather be honest than lying). I'm generally basically a therapist to the few friends I have, but I'm pretty mentally unstable myself too lol. Don't go toward others first much but I try to be friendly to people that comes toward me. Oh and I can get *extremly* clingy, like REALLY clingy. (and, if that changes anything, I'm also autistic).

My n°1 hobby is to not do anything of my life and just vibe/daydream, usually to game OSTs, and procrastinate. Else than that I love spending time with my cat, I like drawing, playing games, playing piano, or sometimes I would try coding, sewing or learning languages. I like creating stuff in general I suppose. I rarely read because of my low attention span.

I suppose I'm the closest to either INFP or ENFP. If I *had* to chose, I would say I'm maybe more introverted than extroverted, but overall I'm not really much more drained by socialisation than by staying alone (and still feel the need to socialise). And, I'm a libra.

Sorry for the big wall of text, didn't knew how to make it shorter.. Once again, please take as much time as you need! Hope you'll have a nice day, and, thank you very much if you ever read/do this one! :3

I MATCH YOU WITH...

(i made this while playing roblox so sorry if its shit)

REALWORLD AUBREY

she tells you to stop apologizing a lot

notices that you avoid eye contact and stuff, so she already suspects you're autistic before you tell her

she doesn't mind though, in fact she herself probably has autism

she thinks it's nice but also concerning when you get clingy,, like who abandoned you to cause this?? she doesn't get everything at first

she's impressed when you stand up for what you think is right, she sees a bit of herself in you

kind of feels bad that everyone only comes to you for help, so she always tries to be there for you

you show her your interests and you two listen to game OSTs together

she helps you with stuff you're procrastinating on

#omori #omori aubrey #aubrey omori #omori x reader #aubrey x reader #aubrey omori x reader #omori aubrey x reader #omori headcanons #omori matchup

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agirldying · 2 years

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2022 has been pretty rough for me so far. I graduate soon which is nice and all to not have to worry about school, but outside of school I don’t have much, especially recently. A few months ago, a really close friend of mine decided to cut me off and not long after, their friends made fun of me and also cut me off (which I’m not that upset about tbh because I never liked those guys anyway plus they always have excluded me from hanging out with them). I have other friends and all but they’re not like my ex-best friend sadly. In short, I’ve been stuck at home for pretty much my whole life and not really going out except for when I really need to. My ex-friend did visit me at home or would invite me out and since they’re gone, my oldest friend has been trying to fill their spot by hanging out and taking me places. I appreciate them, but sometimes I feel as if we don’t click as much. They work a lot and they’re mostly busy so we don’t hang out often, but I have a lot of time on my hands and most days I feel alone and lonely. I want to make more friends, but I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t have many interests and I have a lot of trust issues so I don’t think I’d be able to feel comfortable around people who won’t care much for me, the person who doesn’t talk. On top of that, I’m autistic and mask constantly and I already experienced being apart of a friend group while masking for years, they all made fun of, berated, and abandoned me and I don’t have the patience to deal with it all again.

My ex-friend was pretty much the only person I felt the most comfortable with and they cared about me the most, but I still felt the need to mask when I was around them, not so much before I got cut off, but I also wasn’t my full self due to not wanting to potentially be seen as weird or get any other negative reaction (which I knew probably wouldn’t happen, they were an amazing friend and adored me, but I was still scared of them). I tell my best friend about how much I miss my ex-best friend a little too much, but they usually tell me that they (ex-friend) were never a good friend to me and that I deserved better and that they (ex-friend) don’t care about me or that I was being manipulated and abused. I’m stuck between believing them (best friend) and thinking that my ex-friend will come back, but it’s frustrating to think about and that’s the only thing I really care about or find myself focused on. My best friend is surely tired of hearing about my inability to move on, but I really can’t help it. My old friend was my primary source of happiness and motivation; bad, I know, but what can I say…

I can’t really get back to how I was before no matter how much I try. I don’t have much energy, so stuff makes me tired really easily and I spend most of my time sleeping or lying in bed, also because I don’t have much else to do. I don’t like any of my old hobbies like drawing, animating, sewing, or cooking, I just want to stay in bed all of the time. I’ve been feeling this way long before the friend situation, but it surely hasn’t helped. I also just don’t have much enthusiasm for the future and all. I can’t drive because I’m not stable enough and I’m also unemployed currently so there’s not much I can do but go to school and come home repeatedly. It’s bumming me out really, like I don’t like doing any of this stuff anymore and outside of my social life (or lack thereof) things aren’t any better really. I feel trapped and I don’t want to feel that way, but there’s not much else to do, but sit and wait really (this is something people made fun of me for thinking, but it’s the truth, I can’t do much while making sure I’m comfortable or that my boundaries aren’t being violated). Sleeping is pretty much the only way for me to get by, but I hate sleeping so much but I also feel like I need so much of it. It’s a battle existing the way that I do and I hate it.

In sum, everything is frustrating. The world isn’t getting better, nothing is interesting, I feel like a burden, I can’t ever really be honest about how I feel and what I want, etc. I also just feel like a bad person through and through; I feel bad for having boundaries and wants and preferences, I feel bad for missing a person who doesn’t care about me, I feel bad for venting rn, it just feels selfish, but I don’t have much else going for me. I’m sorry I’m traumatized and neurodivergent and had a rough upbringing, I’m sorry my family doesn’t care about me, I didn’t mean for that to be an inconvenience I guess.

(Sorry for the long tangent.)

Hi anon,

First of all I'm sorry to hear about how your "friends" treated you, as well as the devastating impact that has made on you. It sounds like you have several symptoms of depression, namely with losing passion in activities you once enjoyed and feeling unusually lethargic.

As someone who battles with clinical depression, I feel compelled to recommend you seek professional guidance for it if you have the means to do so. I say that because depression is gnarly, and often needs a professional to diagnose and treat, possibly even medicate since it can be a chemical imbalance. You deserve to be happy and have passion for things you enjoy, so if you can afford it I'd strongly recommend looking into a therapist or psychiatrist in your area if you haven't already.

I'm actually wondering if you've looked into or might consider looking into befriending fellow autistics. I think this could work especially because I know as an autistic myself, we tend to be straightforward, honest, and loyal, and it sounds like those are qualities that have been severely lacking in your (presumably) allistic friendships. You could potentially look into various online groups just for autistic people, and perhaps go from there. At the same time I completely hear and understand the exhaustion surrounding making new friends, especially after the fallout of your previous.

Either way, I really hope you can get the help you need to not only feel more active and emotionally engaged in activities but to trust new friendships, as I think they could potentially be a significantly better replacement. I'm here if you want to update me on any of this or if you need anything in general.

#text #asks #trauma #trauma vent #vent #ptsd #depression #chai anon

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