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honeybeefae · 11 months

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Forgotten Ties (Eris Vanserra x Reader) PT. 2

Summary// After seeing Eris and subsequently running away, you make sure to board up your entire house as soon as you arrive. You didn’t want him, didn’t need him, wandering around. However, when did fate ever listen to what you wanted?

(PART TWO IS HEREEEE!! I am literally BLOWN AWAY at how much you guys wanted a part two and I hope you enjoy it! And be on the lookout for a possible part three?))

Part One / Part Three / Part Four

Playlist for Story

WARNINGS: Angst, Talks of Trauma & Abandonment, if you like drama this is GIVING it

You had never been more grateful to be home than you were now. Helena was still chattering up a storm, watching as you deadbolted the door and shut all the curtains to the windows. It felt like your entire world, this safe haven you had built for the two of you, was shattering and you couldn’t stop it.

“Mama?” She said softly, watching as you tried to take in deep breaths. “Mama, are you okay?”

“I’m, I’m fine.” You said between pants, a hand over your heart as you angrily wiped away the tears threatening to fall with the back of your hand. “I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“Who was that man? I liked his hair!” Helena giggled, running her fingers through her own. “It was like mine!”

Her comment had you stopping in your tracks to look at her. Your poor, sweet innocent child. She had no idea the gravity of the words she spoke nor the importance of the man with the red hair. You squatted down to her level, holding her hands gently as if she were made of china.

“He did, didn’t he?” You smiled brokenly. “Just like yours. The prettiest head of curls in all of Prythian.”

Helena grinned with all her teeth, a dimple popping out on the left side of her cheek as she threw her arms around your neck and snuggled into you. You squeezed her just as tight, lifting her into your arms.

“I love you, mama. I had so much fun today.” She whispered into your ear. You felt your heart mend at her words.

“I love you too, darling. Let’s go get a bath and bed, hm?” You pull her back so you could kiss her cheek, leading her into the bathroom to start your nightly routine.

If there was one thing you could thank the Mother for was how easily Helena slept. She had been a great sleeper since she was born. You had late nights and early mornings, of course, but overall she was perfect. The bath had been quick as you kept having to look over your shoulder, still not feeling completely safe, and the bedtime story had been the same.

As you reached the door of her bedroom she called your name, asking about the red-headed man once more. You knew she was only curious. She had seen maybe a handful of people with red hair like hers in her entire life, so it was only natural that she wanted to meet him. Especially since he was with Rhys and Feyre, two people she knew well.

However, you didn’t want to entertain the thought. He was going to know nothing of her or of you. You weren’t going to put her in harm's way and meeting Eris was one of the most dangerous situations you could put her in.

You had brushed off the question with a promise to go out again tomorrow, shutting the door quietly and leaning against it with a heavy sigh. The living room and house were dark, the moonlight barely peeking through the covered windows. Fire danced on your fingertips as you lit the lanterns scattered around the room, gathering a pillow and a blanket and making a place for you to sleep on the floor.

It had been a couple of hours since your run in but you knew him and you didn’t trust him. You sat there, staring at the door while drowning in your thoughts, and struggled to stay awake.

A quiet knock woke you up, making you bang your head on the table as your hand slipped from underneath your head. You glanced toward the clock, noting you had only been asleep for a few minutes before the interruption.

Another knock followed after you didn’t answer and your heart dropped into your stomach. It was Eris, you could smell the scent of embers and leaves, and you knew he could smell you as well. You looked towards your daughter’s door and squared your shoulders.

Whatever happened, you weren’t going to let him hurt her. You would kill him before he had a chance.

Your steps were quiet as you approached the door, standing up on your tiptoes to peek out the peephole. Eris was standing there, his face clouded with some unknown emotion as he raised his hand up to knock again.

“I am only going to say this once before I physically remove you myself. Leave me alone.” You ordered with your fists clenched tightly by your side. “You have no business here.”

“You and I both know that is not true, Y/N,” Eris replied softly. He was speaking slowly like one would do when talking to a cornered animal. “I will not harm you. I give you my word. I just want to talk.”

A low, unamused snort came out of your nose. “What good is your word to me? It means nothing. Get the hell out of here.”

The air moved around you as you felt a soft breeze, your mouth snarling in anger when you realized he had winnowed into your fucking house. You move quickly, grabbing a blade from the cabinet beside the door, and lunging at the shadow a few feet away from you.

Eris easily caught your wrist, the dagger inches away from slicing his throat. “You haven’t changed a bit, little fox.” He hummed, the corner of his lip tugging up in a smirk.

“Then you should remember I always strike twice.” You grunt and raise your knee up as high as you could, nailing your target between his legs. He immediately let go of your wrists and stumbled, groaning low in his throat.

You took advantage and pressed your foot onto his chest, pinning him as he stared up at you in equal parts awe and fear. “I told you to get the hell out of here.” You growled, holding your weapon so tight that your knuckles were now white. “You’ve got one more chance before I bury this down your throat.”

“Y/N, please,” Eris pleaded, holding his hands up in a show of surrender. “I need to talk to you about what happened, about our daught-”

The heel of your foot pressed painfully hard into his rib, making him wince as you narrowed your eyes. “She is not yours. Do not even dare speak of her, do you understand me?”

Before you could react Eris had conjured a rope of fire, wrapping it around your leg and pulling until you fell flat on your ass. He used another to seize your wrists which made you drop the blade. Whatever upper hand you thought you had was disappearing quickly as he made quick work of tying you up until you were immobilized.

“Gods, you are so fucking stubborn.” Eris snapped, his amber eyes turning molten with anger. You watched him, pain blooming in your heart at the look on his face. It was the same way he had looked at you the day he had left when he had cast you aside in front of his brothers.

“It seems you haven’t changed either.” You murmur, frowning.

Eris paused, his shoulders rising and falling as he caught his breath. He studied you for a few moments before his face softened ever so slightly, the bonds around your wrists and legs burning just a little less.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He said quietly, kneeling before you. “Ever since I became High Lord, the very same day, I sent out men to find you.”

You roll your eyes, not believing any lies coming from his mouth. “I’m sure you did. And probably every other whore you’ve fucked along the way.” You sneered. “Tell me, is this some grand plan for a concubine? Is there a home being made for all the women you’ve bedded to stay in? How sweet though I must decline. I’m not in the habit of fucking leftovers.”

“It was only you, Y/N!” Eris snapped. “Ever since the mountain, ever since I met you, it has only been you. I wanted, needed, to fix things and find you. I’ve spared no expense, no time in trying to get to you.”

“And I find you of all places here, in the fucking Night Court, with a child,” He stops suddenly, looking around until his eyes land on a door covered with various stickers and crayon markings. “My child. My daughter.”

The air was still as he clenched his jaw, letting the fiery bonds around your body fizzle out. You gingerly rise to your feet, your gaze never leaving his body as he stood as well.

“Don’t take her from me, Eris.” You beg softly. “Don’t hurt her.”

“Hurt her?” He repeated, astonished. “Do you truly think that I would harm a child? An innocent soul?”

All of the anger, hurt, resentment, heartbreak, and sadness that you had squashed down since under the mountain came surging forward like a tsunami. It had you seeing red.

Who was this man that suddenly cared about you? About your child? What sick, twisted game was he playing that you weren’t catching on to? You couldn’t take it anymore.

“You did hurt an innocent soul, you fucking bastard!” You shouted, shoving him backward with all of your might. Tears ran down your face as a sob broke through your screams of fury. “You left me. You hurt me. I worshipped the ground you walked on, I built novels out of what little words of love you gave me, I loved you.”

Eris stood there, feeling like he was two feet tall as you unloaded on him.

“The mountain was brutal to us all. It left us all with scars and you made sure that mine would never heal. Do you remember what you said to me when I came to find you after Feyre freed us? How you treated me in front of your brothers?” You asked, nostrils flaring as you angrily wiped away your tears. “Fucking say something!”

“I couldn’t let them know who you were, what you meant to me. Y/N if they knew-” He tried to explain but you laughed incredulously and threw your hands up in the air.

“I don’t even know why I’m listening to you at this point, Eris.” You run a hand through your hair, shaking your head in disbelief. “I tell you how you hurt me, what you did, and all you can do is make excuses?”

“I’m not trying to make excuses, I’m not.” Eris defended, frown lines appearing atop his forehead. “I know how much I hurt you. Do you not think I’ve lived with that regret every single day since? I told you I cared about you.”

“You’ve got a real fucked up way of showing it, High Lord.” You snarked, crossing your arms. “This is why Helena will never know who you are. I won’t let you break her heart too. She’s too good, too pure for this world already and I won’t have you destroying her-”

However, all of your threats seemed to go over his head as he blinked slowly, glancing towards the door once more.

“You named her Helena?”

You paused in your ranting, watching him. “I did.”

“I remember you saying that that’s what you’ve always wanted to name your daughter,” Eris murmured, looking down at his feet. “You said you had it picked out since you were a child.”

“It felt right.” You replied, some of your anger fizzling out. “And it still does.”

“Y/N I know what I’ve done to you, the things I’ve put you through, I can never make up for it.” He spoke urgently, his voice sincere. “But I did things for a reason, I had to protect you. And now that they’re gone…”

“I didn’t need protecting from them, Eris.” You sighed. “I needed protecting from you. You are the one who did this to me, who made me who I am. How do you expect me to just forgive and forget that?”

“Pretty words and apologies aren’t enough to sway me. I don’t want to be burned by you again. I barely survived it the first time.”

“I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I’m not asking you to come live with me. I just want you to give me time, give me a second chance, let me be your-” He began but stopped as the door to Helena’s room slowly creaked open.

The two of you shared the same shocked expression as she blearily walked out in her nightgown, clutching her stuffed fox close to her chest. “Mama? You woke me up…”

You bent down and scooped her into your arms, hiding her away from Eris as you shushed her and kissed her head. “I’m so sorry, my love. I was just talking with someone. How about we go tuck you in, hm?”

“Who were you talking to?” She asked, trying to peer over your shoulder while you desperately tried to keep her still. However, she was too quick for you, wriggling around until she was out of your arms and staring at Eris.

Her eyes widened and a bright grin graced her face as she looked at him, pointing towards his hair. “It’s you! The man with the red hair!”

He gave her a genuine smile, bowing slightly. “It’s nice to meet you, Helena.”

“What’s your name?” She asked but you shut him down before he could answer, shaking your head.

“Helena it’s very late and we have a busy day tomorrow, remember? We’re gonna go for a walk and ice cream? Let’s leave the man alone.” You tried to gain her attention back though it was impossible now. She was entirely fixated on him.

“But-” Helena tried to argue and you gave her a pointed look, giving the same one to Eris as she sighed and started walking towards her room.

You let out a breath of relief, pointing angrily toward the door and giving him a look that said, ‘If you don’t leave by the time I’m done I will finish what I started.’ He rolled his eyes and turned around only to pause when he heard Helena call for him.

“Do you wanna come with us tomorrow, sir?” She smiled, cocking her head to the side. “It’s just me and Mama but you can come to! Mama can buy you ice cream!”

“I really don’t think he-” You began only to glare when Eris interrupted.

“I would love to join you tomorrow, Helena.”

She squealed in delight and immediately ran back to her room, blowing you a kiss before shutting the door and bouncing back to bed. You waited a minute to make sure she was tucked in before spinning around on your heel and raising your finger at him. “Eris, I swear to the Gods-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” He smiled, vanishing into thin air and leaving you dumbstruck in the living room.

Taglist: @clairebear08 @capbuckyfalcon @azriels-mate123 @icey--stars @theviewfromtheotherside @goldenmagnolias @cmay25 @katherine-2007 @feiwelinchen

#acotar #eris vanserra #acomaf #acowar #eris x reader #eris fic #eris imagine #eris x reader acotar #eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra acotar #eris vanserra fic #eris vanserra x reader smut #eris vanserra x reader acotar #acotar fic #acotar imagine #eris acotar

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tswaney17 · 3 years

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I Do Bad Things with You - Part 30

Has it really been almost two months since I lasted posted an update to this fic? Shit, I’m so sorry! This part really was a bitch to write. It fought me at every corner and I’m still not 100% happy with how it came out, but it’s time to move on and accept it for what it is.

My head has been a bit all over the place with fic ideas and lack of motivation to write - it’s been awful to say the least. I feel like I’m slowly coming out of my slump, but I’m not totally out of the woods yet. I do have some other things in the works that I hope to finish and get posted here soon. One may or may not be a sequel to my Oh Baby headcanon, but now I need to decide if that headcanon should become a full fic first too...

Anyways, I’m rambling. Mind the warnings and the length. This is a steamy, long piece. So grab a snack and enjoy! 😘

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💙💜💚

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, language, NSFW

Word Count: 8,523

Light filtered in through the sway of the curtains. The distant sound of traffic carried in on the breeze from the open slider attached to the balcony.

Elain’s eyes fluttered open. The steady rhythm of Azriel’s heartbeat pattered against her cheek. Her body was pressed into the side of his, leg slotted between his thighs, head on his chest.

Azriel had an arm wrapped around her, his palm splayed over the curve of her behind.

She smiled to herself, knowing he had a thing for her ass—he was not subtle when he checked her out whatsoever.

His warm breath stirred the hairs at the top of her head and she took the opportunity to just look at him.

At his relaxed face. His hair had gotten slightly curlier than from high school. He wore it longer too, just enough for it to settle against his forehead. Long, dark lashes brushed the tops of his cheeks—lashes women would kill for. His mouth was parted slightly, lips plump and soft. Though she was aware of how bruising they could be. The night they went to Cash’s set told her as much.

Her eyes traveled down the strong column of his throat, to the arch of his trapezius muscle, and over the swell of his bicep. She realized then that he wasn’t wearing a shirt—he must’ve taken it off in the middle of the night when she was asleep.

Not that she was complaining.

His tanned, tattooed skin was warm under her cheek. Elain curved her head closer to him and kissed his chest. Her eyes peeked up at him through her lashes, seeing if he stirred. When it was clear he hadn’t woken, she rocked herself up higher over his torso and dropped a kiss to his sternum.

He moved then, arms tightening around her. His hand flexed on her ass and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from giggling.

Elain pushed herself up against his body even further and pressed her lips to the dark ink of his collarbone.

At last, hazel eyes blinked open and found her gaze. A sleepy smile crossed his face. “Good morning,” he murmured, voice deep with sleep.

It sent a shiver racing down her body; warmth pooled low in her belly. Elain had forgotten how husky he sounded early in the morning. “Hi,” she breathed, letting him get his bearings with reality.

His body shifted as he stretched underneath her and she saw the moment when he realized exactly where his hand was. Azriel snatched his hand back almost as if she had burnt him, muttering a profuse apology.

Elain laughed; the sound thick as honey. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to realize where exactly your hand was at.”

His cheeks turned the most adorable shade of pink. “Truly, Elain. I apologize—”

She snorted, cutting him off. “There is no need to apologize, Az. Not when you and I both know that your hand being on my ass, conscious or not is no accident,” she teased. “You have always been an ass man.”

He made a sound of protest, but again, she interrupted with a wave of her hand. “You are so not subtle when you check me out. I think yesterday proved that.”

His fingers caught her chin and he brought her mouth down for a slow kiss. “It’s not my fault you’re so damn beautiful I can barely breathe.”

Elain scoffed against his lips. “What a fucking line,” she laughed.

With her distracted, she didn’t realize he had hooked an ankle over her leg until he flipped them. She let out an ungraceful yelp as she landed on her backside, glaring up at his stupidly, perfect face.

Azriel nudged her nose with his making her breath catch. His hands were in her hair, on her jaw, tilting her head up to give him access to her throat. Soft lips grazed over her fluttering pulse. “It’s not a line if it’s the truth,” he whispered onto her skin. “Exquisite,” he breathed dropping a kiss to her jaw. “Stunning,” he said onto her throat. “Intelligent,” he breathed onto her cheek.

Elain’s heart had begun to beat at what she would consider medically unsafe levels. Her fingers slid into his hair, grip tightening enough that he groaned.

“A fighter.” A kiss to her full lips. “And stubborn as hell.”

“Hey!” she pushed him backward, making him chuckle.

“I never said it was a bad thing.”

Her brow raised in defiance. “Really? You want me to be stubborn? I have never, in my life, heard of a male who wanted their woman to be stubborn.”

Azriel let out a huff of air, eyes rolling, but a grin turned up the corners of his mouth. His thumb stroked down the side of her neck. “Of course, I want you to be stubborn. You want to know why?”

“Do enlighten me.”

He flicked her lightly on the nose for the smartass comment. “I want your stubbornness because I want you to challenge me on things. To not just roll over with what I say and do. I know we’re going to fight sometimes, but I need you to be able to call me out on my bullshit, Elain. To go toe-to-toe with me.”

She blinked up at him, the pads of her fingers tracing down his temple. “And you think I’ll be able to do that?” she asked quietly, almost as if she was afraid to hear the answer. She had been passive with Graysen. Too passive. It was what made her weak to him.

Az smiled softly down at her like he could read every thought and emotion running through her mind. “You already have, Elain. You did that night at the club when you held me back.”

She expected herself to flinch at the memory and was surprised she didn’t.

“And at the fundraiser. And the fucking Gala when you almost broke my nose and threatened to throat punch me.”

Elain laughed. “I’m sorry about that.”

He grinned down at her. “Don’t be. I deserved it and you know it.”

Her fingers caressed his cheeks, feeling the stubble of his five o’clock shadow. She mapped the contours and lines of his face. The bridge of his nose. The shape of his lips and cupid's bow. “Maybe a little.”

He caught her hand in his and pressed a gentle kiss to her digits.

Honey-brown eyes traveled down the column of his throat to his broad chest. “You took your shirt off last night,” she stated, obviously.

“When I picked up last night after you had fallen asleep.”

Her eyes snapped back up to his and she turned her head to look over at her now empty nightstand.

“I sleep warm, but figured the pants with the slider cracked would make you the least uncomfortable.”

Elain’s neck twisted to look over at the open balcony. That explained why she could hear the faint callings of early morning traffic.

Azriel’s hand had slowly crept its way down to her hip, his fingers lightly tracing over the bit of skin peeking through on her waist. Even if it made her body heat, the feeling of his presence there was comforting.

She moved her hands to his shoulders, feeling the strength there. Fuck, he was so strong. He’d been holding himself over her for gods how long now? “What do you normally sleep in?” Elain asked though she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

His wicked grin gave it to her anyway.

She let out an undignified snort. “Figured as much.”

Az laughed, the sound deep and husky enough that made something slither along her bones. “I had no idea you were curious about what I did or did not sleep in.”

Her fingers tugged the hair at his nape hard enough that he purred sensually, which did nothing to help that tugging feeling low in her gut.

“I would be curious about what you sleep in, but I’m pretty sure I already know.”

Elain raised a brow. “I’ve worn my pajamas here before. I don’t know what you mean by that.” He had stripped her out of those pajamas after her nightmare and cleaned her up.

“Yes, but it wasn’t my old gym shirt from high school.”

Her cheeks flamed. “Oh my god, no.” Her hands fell from his neck to cover her face as embarrassment swallowed her. His chuckled reverberated through her body, but it made her peek through her fingers, eying him suspiciously. “Wait, that was in my bedroom. Why were you in my bedroom?”

His entire body tensed at the question. He fingered the fabric of the shirt she wore, his Adam’s apple working as he swallowed hard. The sight made something in her chest tighten—like what he was about to say was difficult for him.

Which didn’t make sense because they were talking about pajamas…right?

“I went to your apartment after you were taken.” Az kept his eyes downcast. “I was told what it looked like but I needed to see it myself. To assess the damage.” He moved his hand up to brush her hair away from her brow with his thumb. It was the gentlest of gestures. “I checked your bedroom, to see—” he cut himself off, unable to voice what he thought may have happened. “I needed to make sure…”

To see if they had done to her what Graysen had attempted.

Elain’s hands went back to his arms, sliding upwards over his shoulders to his neck and jaw. “They didn’t.”

It was like some unknown relief flooded his body and he relaxed slightly against her. Azriel let out a heavy breath that kissed her lips. “I know the kind of men that he employed, and fuck, I was so scared of what they’d do to you just to hurt me.”

She brushed her thumbs over his jaw, hating that he couldn’t even seem to look at her in guilt. “I don’t blame you for what happened, Azriel.” He still refused to meet her eyes. So, she decided to give him her truth. “I’ll admit that I think he would’ve toed the line had I not broken his nose.”

That made his gaze snap to hers. “You broke his nose?”

Elain nodded; a small, satisfied smile found its way onto her mouth. “I did, with a move Cash had taught me to use as a last resort because it likely would end up hurting me too, and it did.” Her fingers dipped to touch her forehead briefly before she returned them to his jaw. “But I refused to be weak again. Not like I was with Graysen. He needed to know I would fight back. It made him hesitate. Enough so that none of his men even came near me and neither did he. Not to that degree.”

Azriel leaned down and kissed her forehead, right where she had busted his nose. When he looked back down at her face, his hazel eyes were a golden blaze. “You are not weak, Elain. You have never been weak.”

He had always been a wordsmith and as an adult, it was no different. Even the simplest of phrases seemed to break through her barriers, always knowing what to say to her. Though something still nagged at the back of her mind—something she needed to ask. “I’m glad he’s dead,” she whispered. His face gave nothing away. “Does that make me a bad person?”

A scarred hand cradled her cheek and he let his thumb swipe over her the apple of it a few times. “No, Elain. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I don’t know of anyone who could’ve gone what you went through and not wished the same.” He let the words wash over her. “You are the strongest person I have ever met, Elain,” he began. There wasn’t an ounce of waiver to his voice and she had to swallow back the lump in her throat. “It’ll take time for you to move on from this, but I know you can and you will. Some days will be harder than others. And on those days, I’ll be here for you in however you need me. But as time moves on, you’ll find that those days become few and far between because you’ll replace them with new, happier days. And I hope that I get to stand there with you during those days as well.” The hand still on her face, wiped away the tear that rolled down her temple.

She chuckled; the sound rattled in her chest with her unshed tears. “Why do you insist on saying such nice things that make me cry?” she complained.

Azriel’s grin was blinding and he leaned down to kiss her softly. Just a gentle brush of his lips over hers. Before he reached back to take one of her hands from behind his neck and slid it down his chest over his heart.

Elain could feel its steady rhythm beneath her fingertips and palm. She let it steady her as she matched her breathing to it. “I can feel your heartbeat,” she murmured, breaking the silence that had settled over them. “It’s strong.”

Azriel let his other hand trail up her bicep to her shoulder and down the side of her body to settle back onto her hip. “It’s yours,” he answered honestly.

She could only blink up at him, the words catching in her chest. They had soothed the rough edges of her soul, but he wasn’t finished.

“My heart is yours, Elain. My whole heart has always, and will always belong to you.”

Her eyes glistened, but his thumb continued its sweeping motion to catch the tears that fell down her cheek. “I don’t think I ever got mine back from you. Even when I was engaged to him—” It was a truth she had never admitted to herself, and never out loud. “I think I knew, deep down that, that marriage would be doomed from the start. That I couldn’t give him my heart fully because it wasn’t mine to give anymore.”

Azriel touched his forehead to hers, taking a breath deep into his lungs. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but there is nothing I regret more than leaving you on the front porch, getting into my truck, and driving away. You trusted me with your heart and I broke that. I promise you that I won’t ever betray that trust again.”

“I know,” she murmured, eyes searching his. “I know you won’t, Azriel. I trust you.”

He kissed her then, more urgently than before. It was hot and needy. A clash of teeth and tongues; one that she reciprocated. But just as quickly as he kissed her, he pulled away, breathing heavily. Hazel eyes were swallowed by lust-filled black pupils.

There were words, she realized, sitting on the tip of his tongue that he was holding back because she knew he wasn’t sure whether or not they would make her uncomfortable. Her fingers curled slightly, nails digging into the flesh of his chest as she said what he wanted to. “I’m yours.” His entire body shuddered above her. “And you’re mine.”

The tether he kept on himself snapped. His hand on her face tilted her jaw up as he crashed their mouths together once more. The softness of his lips always surprised her—such a contrast to the roughness of his palms and the hardness of his body. But the demanding way they molded against hers made her chest flutter. His teeth drug her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on the tender flesh.

Elain felt the sensation of that pull on her lip low in her belly. She moaned softly. On instinct, her body reacted, arching against him. The hand at his nape tangled in his hair, her fingers threading through the inky strands to tug him down, greedily taking more. Elain’s mouth opened for him, sighing at the first stroke of his tongue.

He released her hand from his chest to let his wander down her body, lightly touching at her waist until it joined his other at her hips. Azriel settled himself over her, still holding most of his weight through his knees and elbows, but she could feel everything.

Every hard edge of his torso pressed into all of her soft curves. Even through the t-shirt she wore, she could feel the heat of his body, the essence of him. It seeped through her skin and warmed her down to her bones.

And yet, she wanted more.

More, more, more.

Azriel’s scarred hands were on her bare waist, having slipped under her shirt. His touch was like a brand in the best of ways. The movement of his mouth sent shivered promises wracking through her body. Promises of where else that wicked tongue might one day ravish.

The idea only fueled her on more. Her hands couldn’t sit still. They were in his hair, on his shoulders, scratching lightly down his back. Without thinking, her hips rolled into his, feeling every hard inch of him press into her aching center.

The moan that left her throat should’ve embarrassed her, but it didn’t.

And it clearly only spurred Azriel on more as his lips left her mouth and traveled down her jaw to her throat. His hands were sliding up and down the length of her torso, over her ribcage, but never quite reaching up to where she wanted him to.

“Off,” she whined, her voice a husky whisper. Dark eyes snapped up to look at her face, his breath caressing her lips. She knew what he was looking for, what the golden ring left of his irises was searching for on her face.

He knew what she was asking without her even needing to elaborate. “Are you sure?” he questioned through his heavy breathing.

Her breasts tightened at the hungry look on his face. She dropped one of her hands to fist the front of the shirt she wore. “Take it off,” she told him definitively.

Azriel’s hands left her heated skin to tug her t-shirt up.

She helped as best as she could, arching her back at first, then lifting her head and shoulders until the grey fabric was slipped off and tossed behind him.

His gaze met and held hers, not letting his eyes wander until she gave him the okay. Once she nodded, his normal whiskey-colored eyes swept downwards.

Elain was pretty sure she stopped breathing as he looked his fill. Her cheeks heated and she knew that blush had extended to where his eyes were focused on. Could feel his stare burning into her skin, but when finally looked back up at her face, it was adoration she found lining his features. Adoration and devotion.

“You are so beautiful, Elain.” He leaned forward to kiss the center of her stomach, then slowly slid his mouth up until he hovered between the valley of her breasts. “I can’t tell you how much you tormented me in that dress.” She knew which one he was referring to. “Every time you wear it, I’m seconds from getting on my knees before you.” He dropped a kiss to her heated skin, making her squirm beneath him.

One of his hands slid up, over the slope of her waist, across her ribcage to the underneath side of her breast. The soft brush of his thumb made her breath catch in her throat. His eyes shot to hers, watching her carefully as he crept his palm up higher until his thumb could circle over her pebbled nipple.

Her back arched under his touch, sultry sounds escaping her parted lips. Elain’s eyes fluttered closed as she focused on the circular motions of his thumb. The bed dipped as Azriel’s sinful mouth returns to her neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there, then let his tongue lap the hurt away. Her hands slipped back into his hair, gripping hard.

He growled against her throat, the sound vibrating into her and making her shiver, but he kept his pace steady. “Fuck, you’re so soft,” he breathed, thumb and forefinger pinching at her nipple.

Elain cried out at the quick, sharp pain that sent bolts of pleasure running straight to her core. As Azriel continued to worship her neck and breast, she felt herself begin to drip. Her hips bucked up slightly, searching for him to relieve the ache that was building.

A scarred hand gripped the back of her knee and pulled it up onto his hip, allowing him to sink further into her. They both gasped when his hard length pressed into her and on instinct, Elain brought her other knee up giving him more room to thrust into her.

And advantage he took. Azriel’s movements were slow, dragging out the pleasure of it.

He did everything right. Had stroked every ember in her until that warmth had turned into an inferno. It was hotter than what she had felt the night after the fundraiser. Her body was ready, could feel the moisture that had seeped through the boxes she wore. But even with every part of her body was primed to go forward, something nagged at the back of her mind.

The awful sound of a belt tinkling flooded her brain made her body go cold. Glass shattering and the smell of tequila and cheap cologne invaded every thought. She knew it wasn’t real—the sound was purely from her memory—but it didn’t stop the goosebumps from erupting down her skin.

“Elain.”

She heard the change in his voice, felt him lift his head off her neck.

Azriel’s movements stopped and his hand left her chest immediately. “Elain, take a breath.”

Had her breathing changed? Shit, it had. She wasn’t panting in need anymore; her breaths were far too short. “Wait,” she finally got the word out that probably should’ve been said a while ago. Elain would be eternally grateful that Azriel could read her body better than she clearly could.

Her eyes were still shut and her fingers hadn’t left his hair, but she slowed her breathing.

He brought a hand up to her jaw again, stroking it lightly. “Talk to me, Elain.”

She slowly opened her eyes to find him looking down at her with concern. Her cheeks-tinged pink under his scrutiny. “I’m sorry—”

“No,” he stated adamantly. “Do not apologize for not being ready. Ever.” When she gave him a confirming nod, he rolled off her to retrieve her shirt from the floor and handed it back to her.

Elain’s cheeks burned as she shucked the fabric back on and sat crisscross on his bed, fingers fiddling with each other in her lap.

Azriel settled in front of her. “Tell me what’s going on,” he said softly.

She met his gaze. Saw much of the hazel color had replaced the lust that was there only moments before. It amazed her how he could control his body and bring it down like that, knowing her own was not doing that at all. “I was okay for the most part. My body reacted how it should’ve. It was my mind that suddenly took a turn.” She let out a heavy breath, feeling emotions clog her throat and she dropped her eyes back to her lap. “I don’t what exactly triggered it, but I just started hearing things from that day. The sound of his belt. Glass shattering. Then the smell of the alcohol he drank and the cologne he wore.” She shuddered at the memory.

This had always been her fear. That she wouldn’t be able to let go of the past and it would affect her future relationships. And while she knew that Azriel would never let something like this come between them, she couldn’t help but feel like this was just another piece of her past coming back to haunt her present and trying to ruin any chance for happiness.

He was silent long enough that her curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked back up at his face. “It was too much all at once.”

And it was, she realized. If her anxiety hadn’t flared, Elain would’ve let Azriel fuck her senseless. Had wanted to take that step. But he was right. It was too much too soon. Realizing he was still waiting for her response, she agreed. “I think so.”

Azriel brought his hand to his mouth, thumb swiping over his plush bottom lip. “So, we take baby steps. When you’re ready to try things and move forward. But I need you to promise me something.”

She nodded.

“If at any point during whatever we’re trying, you become uncomfortable or you start not to like what is happening, I need you to tell me to stop. I don’t want you to push yourself to try and move past something when you’re not ready. And I definitely don’t want you not to say anything for my benefit.” There was a seriousness to his authoritative tone that made something inside her come alive. “Promise me you’ll tell me to stop.”

Elain reined in whatever it was that purred in response to that. “I will.” A twinge between her legs had her shifting on the bed uncomfortably.

Something that the male sitting in front of her noticed. “What’s wrong?”

Her cheeks heated. She knew she shouldn’t be embarrassed. The man has seen her naked before and they were talking about sex right now. But the last time she told him she was frustrated, she rode and came all over his thigh. Gods she was so awkward.

“You have a lot going through your face right now, I can’t keep up. What’s going on?”

She glared at his smirk. “I didn’t realize I wore my emotions on my face.”

“You do, just so you’re aware. But seriously, there’s something else. I can tell there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Elain sighed heavily, her face growing impossibly hot. “My body hasn’t quite come down yet.”

Az’s head cocked the side, dark hair sliding across his forehead. “I can help with that if you want me to.”

Honey-brown eyes blinked at him. “Didn’t we just talk about baby steps?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I was talking about just my hand, Elain. You wouldn’t even need to remove your clothes.”

“Oh.” She blushed.

“Or, I can draw you a bath. Or I can just step out of the room if you would like me to. Whatever you wish for me to do.”

Gods, this male was the epitome of respectful. If her body wasn’t desperately needing a release, she would’ve probably started crying. She still might. “Um, you or, your hand. I’d like to try your hand…that sounds weird,” her face scrunched in embarrassment.

He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her. Pecking her nose once, he got up and walked around to settle behind her against the headboard. His arm banded around her waist as he hauled her against him like she weighed nothing. He gathered her hair and pulled it over her shoulder to give him access to the side of her throat. “What are you going to do?” he asked

With his warmth pressing into her back, Elain momentarily forgot what he was talking about. “I promise I’ll tell you to stop.”

Az kissed her cheek. “Good girl,” he murmured.

The praise lit a fire inside her, one she had no idea existed.

“Relax into me.”

She did, reclining back into his chest. Elain laid her head back on his shoulder as he splayed his one hand on her stomach, high enough that his thumb again brushed under her breast.

He let his lips suck on her jaw and slowly glided them down her neck to her fluttering pulse. “Prop your knees up and lean them against my legs.”

Again, she did as she was told. Elain was surprised at how much she didn’t mind being told what to do. But with Azriel, she freely handed over the reins of her will and let him drive her. Especially when it came to her pleasure. It was different when you trusted somebody wholeheartedly.

His fingers stroked at her stomach, slowly making their way higher between her breasts. She breathed in deeply, her body going more languid against his as he inched his other hand down her side towards her hip before dipping inwards.

But instead of going where she desperately needed him, his fingers curled, tracing teasing lines on the inside of her thigh.

“Az,” she mewled, body squirming.

He clicked his tongue, kissing at her jaw. “Not yet,” he murmured, sucking at her skin.

Elain’s head tipped more, giving him better access to her throat.

Azriel smiled against her. “You’re such a sweet girl,” he said, his hand coming back up her leg, teasing over the damp fabric between her thighs before venturing down her other leg.

She let out a frustrated sound, one that quickly turned into a cry when his thumb found her nipple once more. The texture of the t-shirt adding to the sensitivity as he circled it a few times until finally, finally, his other hand cupped her sex. The heat of his palm and the pressure were like an explosion of fireworks that danced in her blood.

He added more pressure before—gods bless this male—he let his thumb part her folds through the damp fabric and slide from the top all the way down and back up. Her body lurched, but he kept her held tight as he set a steady rhythm to his movements, sliding down and up, down and up until she was a mewling mess.

“Easy, baby. You’re doing so well,” he murmured into her temple, kissing her gently. And when he knew she had reached the edge, he focused his thumb into circular movements over her clit until she exploded.

Her back arched, but he was quick to hold her, never letting her get too far from him as she moaned loudly. Elain wasn’t sure if people on the street could hear her, but frankly, she didn’t care. Not as his thumb kept circling her jewel and his other fingers slid along the soaked slit of her boxers. Not as he rang out every ounce of pleasure from her, yet still had her craving more. Even with the orgasm, she still needed more, was still wound too tight.

And that was how she found her hand moving on its own accord, clutching Azriel’s wrist like her life depended on it, and pulled it from between her legs before sliding it down beneath the waistband of her boxers.

“Fuck,” he breathed as the pads of his fingers danced over her bare center, feeling the wetness from the source. But he didn’t move, kept his hand still even with her hips wiggling against him. “Are you doing okay?” he asked, checking in.

Elain wasn’t sure when her eyes had closed, but all she could do was focus on the sensation of his hand and his mouth and where they ravished her. “Yes,” she whined, breath heavy.

He brushed his fingers over her glistening slit, teasing. “What do you want me to do, love?”

Her hips jerked, searching for friction against his hand. “Please.”

Az bit down on her shoulder lightly, enough to grab her attention but not to mark her. “Please what, Elain? Use your words?”

She had a few choice words for him, but none that could come to mind when she was this hot and needy and desperate for another release. Nor any that would get her what she wanted. “Please, Az. Please touch me.”

He smirked against her throat. “Such a good girl.” His other hand came up to turn her head towards his so he could claim her mouth as his thumb pressed down on her clit.

Elain moaned into his mouth.

He took full advantage of the access, letting his tongue sweep in to claim her as his thumb toyed her nub. His middle finger circled at her entrance once, twice, three times before slowly he pushed it inside of her.

“Oh gods,” she cried, hips snapping up. Elain’s hand shot out from within her underwear and went straight for Azriel’s hair, grabbing the dark strands on the side of his head in a death grip that was likely painful, but he didn’t seem to care. Her knees closed together, adding pressure between her legs.

Az’s mouth worshipped at her neck while his finger set a steady pace, plunging into his farthest knuckle and back out. “Relax, baby. I need you to relax,” he purred. “Put your feet on the outside of mine.”

She was nothing but a whimpering mess. Legs shaking, she managed to do as asked and realized why he wanted her feet there. It gave him more control over how far her legs were spread.

Azriel shifted their feet slightly farther apart, giving his hand more room to move between her thighs.

Elain’s breath shuddered as he quickened his pace, thumb flicking over her clit with a renewed vigor. When he curled his finger deep inside her, sweeping over that sweet spot she couldn’t even remember the last time was touched, her entire body pitched.

She fisted his hair, her other hand coming down to clutch the arm wrapped around her torso, nails digging into tattooed skin. “Please, please, please.” She was nearly sobbing. It was too much. It wasn’t enough.

He would drag out her pleasure, she knew that. But fuck, she needed this drop. Needed to find that blissful edge.

Elain had gone years without an orgasm and here was Azriel, drawing out the second—well, technically third—one in less than a month, and they weren’t even officially a couple.

Increasing the pressure of his thumb and the curl of his fingers, Az tugged on her earlobe between his teeth. “I’ve got you, El. Let go for me.”

And she did. Elain shattered, screaming out a slur of words and syllables that she’s pretty sure was Azriel’s name. Her body arched, but he tightened his grip on her, keeping her pressed into him as his fingers worked her through her high.

Her walls clamped down on him and the boxers she wore were soaked with her release, but he kept moving until she went limp against him, her shaking legs slumping heavily against his muscled thighs. Honey-brown eyes fluttered open as she caught her breath.

Azriel pulled his hand from her underwear.

“Don’t rub that in your hair,” she teased, looking up at him.

He flashed her a sly grin. “And waste a perfectly good meal. Absolutely not.” Making sure he had her gaze locked, Az sucked his middle finger into his mouth, tongue sliding around to catch all of her juices dripping down his knuckles. He pulled his finger from his mouth with an audible pop. “Delicious.”

Elain’s mouth dropped open as she watched him lick all of her essences from his hand until it was clean. It was possibly the filthiest thing he had ever watched him do before and gods did it make her cheeks flush a warm pink.

Fingers gripped her chin and he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. She could taste herself on his tongue. It was surprisingly erotic.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better. Relaxed.” A little turned on again after she watched him suck his fingers clean—not that she was going to say that little bit out loud. They had explored enough today and she needed to get a better grip on herself. Elain blamed it on the fact that she hadn’t had sex, or any sort of pleasure, in years.

He kissed the side of her head. “You did so well, my love.”

She was also going to blame her uncontrollable hunger on the stark realization that she had a little bit of a praise kink. That was new to her. Some uncharted territory that had never been explored before, but she had a hidden desire to. Especially if it was Azriel saying those things to her.

“You’re quiet,” he stated, guiding her face to look back up at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Elain smiled softly at him. “Yes, just thinking.”

“What about?” He let his thumb stroke her jaw, swooping down the curve of her neck. His heartbeat echoed against her spine.

Her cheeks heated under his intense gaze. “Some of the things you said…during.”

His brows furrowed briefly, then raised as he realized what she meant. “The praise.” When she nodded, he asked, “Did it bother you?”

She knew if she had said yes, he wouldn’t continue doing it and that’d be the end of it. But that was definitely not what she wanted. “Quite the opposite actually.”

It wasn’t often Azriel was caught by surprise, but her response clearly did. He tipped his head back and laughed, a deep, beautiful, lovely sound she wanted to bottle up and keep forever. “I’ll admit some of it slipped. I wasn’t sure if you’d like it or not, but I’m glad you did.”

“Where did you even learn to do something like that? Videos online again?” she snarked, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.

Azriel’s face turned a dark shade of red, possibly the darkest she’d ever seen before. “Oh my god. It’s been ten fucking years and that is still coming back to haunt me.”

Elain giggled, leaning forward to kiss him softly, shifting slightly against him. The soaked underwear she was wearing was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. “I should really go clean up,” she breathed onto his mouth.

“You stay here,” he kissed her briefly again. “I’ll go draw you a bath and then will make breakfast while you freshen up.” He rose off the bed, replacing himself with a pillow behind her back. “What do you want to eat?”

Her traitorous eyes dipped low, below the low-hanging waistband of his grey sweatpants to the peaked area that was far beyond what would be considered morning wood.

Holy fuck. The erotic dream from a few weeks ago had not been playing her. Elain felt her entire body clench around nothing. It made her bones go molten at the mere idea of how large he was—how he’d make her feel. Her toes started to curl.

“My eyes are up here, Elain,” he chastised, playfully.

Her cheeks flamed at being caught checking out a very private area, and she spat out the first, morning food she could think of from her heated brain. “Pancakes,” she squeaked.

Az grinned at her blushing face but didn’t call her out on it. “I knew it.” To be fair, pancakes were her favorite breakfast food. Bending forward, he kissed her one last time before he slipped into the bathroom and shut the door.

She heard the tub turn on first. It drowned out most of the other sounds, but after a few minutes, he returned to the bedroom, hardon gone, and went over to his dresser. It didn’t take her medical degree to know what exactly, he did behind that closed door—not that she blamed him. She didn’t exactly offer to “help” him this morning after what he did for her.

He pulled out a clean t-shirt and pair of boxers, then padded his way back into the bathroom and kicked the bathtub faucet off. When he came back into the bedroom, he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. “I’ll text Nuala and Cerridwen and see if I can get an update on when we should expect an arrival of your belongings. I’ve left you a clean pair of boxers and another t-shirt in the bathroom. I also turned the jets on in the tub to help you relax.” His fingers brushed over her cheek. “Take your time and help yourself to anything in there.”

“I’m sorry,” Elain blurted.

Azriel frowned. “About what?”

“For not reciprocating,” she admitted with a nod towards his lap.

The fingers on her cheek moved to cradle her face. “Elain, you don’t owe me anything. I was more than happy—and willing—to do that for you this morning. I do not expect you to reciprocate anything. I don’t even want you to think about doing anything like that until you’re comfortable too. Please believe me when I say that I can handle myself. I have been since before you came barging into my office.”

Her jaw popped open. When she went barging into his office? That was months ago. He hadn’t been with anyone since before then? “You haven’t…?” she couldn’t even finish the question.

The corner of his mouth curled up. “After you reentered my life, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Everyone else was unappealing at that point.”

His words made her heart trip over itself.

Bringing her head forward, he kissed her softly. “Go clean up. I’m going to go start breakfast.”

Without another word, he rose from the bed and left her to her business. Elain had to give herself a minute to sit there and process everything he had just done and said.

Gods, she loved this male.

~~~~~

Azriel had no idea why he shared with her that he hadn’t been with another woman. It was true, he technically hadn’t fucked another female since, shit, even a month before Elain had returned to his life. He’d been too busy to even go to his club to look for female company. Aside from that one girl who he picked to try and get his mind off Elain, but that had been the night Amarantha showed up and everything had changed before anything could happen. And even then, he wasn’t into it or her. It was always Elain.

He supposed he could be grateful, in a way. Because it brought her back into his life, though not in a way he would have liked. While they still weren’t technically a couple—that was something he would let her bring up when she was ready—he hoped that his overshare didn’t cross any of her boundaries. Didn’t make her uncomfortable in any way.

Az had given her about ten minutes before he went back upstairs to change into clean clothes. He'd forgone jeans in favor of sweatpants, knowing they weren’t leaving the penthouse today. He couldn’t remember the last time he lounged in sweats all day long.

Elain padded her way down the stairs right as he was pouring the last bit of pancake batter onto the griddle. She donned on a pair of his black dress socks and the sweatshirt he purchased when he went to his first professional soccer game with his brothers after he returned from overseas. The black fabric drowned her small frame.

“Cold?” he asked, flipping the pancakes.

She nodded, perching herself on one of the barstools. “I stayed in the water too long. It cooled off.”

Azriel went over to the thermostat and kicked up the temperature a few degrees. Fall was coming into Velaris fast. He could feel the briskness of his bedroom when they first woke, though it quickly warmed up with their morning activities. He shook the thoughts from his head. “How was your bath?”

“Your tub is excessive.”

A joyous laugh rumbled from his chest as he flipped the last few pancakes onto his stack and carried them over to the set table where the rest of their breakfast awaited. “Excessive how?”

Elain snorted, following him. “Aside from the size that could fit three people easily?” She narrowed her eyes at his raised brow. “Don’t even think about voicing whatever dirty thought is running through your head.”

“I wasn’t even going to say anything!” he exclaimed, laughing.

She just rolled her eyes, but he saw a small grin fighting its way onto her lips. “And the number of jets is atrocious.”

“You say that now until you have an awkwardly pulled muscle,” he stated, loading her plate up with food and then his own. He didn’t miss the shy smile that tugged her mouth at his antics. He may have been fussing. “Did you at least enjoy it and relax?”

Elain shoved a piece of pancake into her mouth, her eyes nearly rolling into the back of her head. “Yes,” she began after swallowing, “I did. Thank you.”

“I’m—”

The elevator pinged interrupting his sentence.

Everything happened so quickly, he hadn’t even realized she moved until he felt her. Elain had shot out of her chair so she was standing behind him, her hand clutching at the sleeve of his bicep.

Azriel was up a half-second later, his massive frame blocking whoever entered his place from seeing her. He had momentarily forgotten what Rhys had told him about how Elain acted after she was attacked by Graysen. How she would flinch at a cupboard door closing too loudly. He slid a hand to her cheek, the other on her waist. “Hey,” he whispered low enough that the person who entered the apartment wouldn’t be able to hear him. “You’re safe here.”

He was grateful that whoever had entered, read the room, and kept quiet.

It cut him profoundly to see her shoulders shaking slightly. He ducked his head to catch her gaze. “You’re safe, El,” he repeated.

The worry that weighed heavily in her eyes settled at his words and she inhaled deeply, calming herself. Once she collected herself, she took the hand from her waist to lace their fingers together. “Thank you. I’m okay now.”

Az’s eyes flicked over her face, looking for any sign that she wasn’t being honest with him. When he found nothing, he brought their linked hands to his mouth, brushing his lips over her knuckles before they turned to whoever had entered his place.

Fenrys stood in the entryway of the penthouse, holding a box of what he assumed was Elain’s belongings. His head was down, likely an attempt to give them some privacy.

“Hello, Fen,” Elain said, moving them both forward.

The golden twin looked up at them. “Good morning, Elain, Mr. Knight. I apologize for interrupting. We should’ve texted or called when we arrived.”

“It’s no interruption, Fenrys. And please, call me Azriel.”

A charming smile lit his face though it didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Con and I were asked to bring over some of Elain’s things. He’s loading up a few more boxes in the elevator now. Where would you like us to put these?”

Elain glanced at him, the hesitation of where she should put her belongings evident.

That was another discussion they needed to have. Where she wanted to live and whether or not it was temporary. He hadn’t been lying when he said she could live with him. Whether she chose the guest bedroom or his, he didn’t care, he just wanted her here with him. “Right there by the foyer table is fine, Fenrys. We’ll take care of it from there.”

The male nodded, setting the box down as the elevator doors dinged, revealing his polar-opposite twin.

Az was grateful that Elain didn’t jump at the sound this time. That would be something else they had to work on to help her during her healing journey.

Connall beamed, eyes flicking between the two of them and their joined hands. “Hello, Elain, Mr. Knight. How are you both doing this morning?”

He huffed a laugh. “I’m not ever going to get you guys to stop calling me ‘Mr. Knight’ am I?”

“Nope.”

“Not likely,” the twins said in unison.

Elain covered her mouth with a hand, trying to hold in a giggle.

Azriel rolled his eyes, releasing her hand to help the twins unload the elevator. There wasn’t too much here, a few boxes of clothes, textbooks, toiletries, and other essentials.

“Do you guys want to stay for breakfast?” Elain asked once they had finished.

He may have gone a little overboard on their breakfast for two with pancakes, bacon, fresh fruit, coffee, and orange juice. There was plenty for the twins to join them. But Az knew she loved her pancakes and would likely munch on cold ones throughout the day.

Connall hooked an arm around his brother stopping whatever response he was about to say. “Thank you for the offer, but we’re okay. We’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Thanks again for everything,” Elain murmured, reaching out a hand towards each of them, and for a minute, Az wondered just how much the twins knew about her history.

“Anytime, Elain.” There was genuine love and emotion in those words. Az could hear it. And the way she smiled softly at the twins, he knew Elain could hear it too.

She glanced at the boxes that littered the floor when the elevator doors closed, sweeping the twins back down to the parking garage. “I guess we should have a conversation about living arrangements.”

“Later,” he said, taking her hand and guiding her back to the table. “Let’s finish breakfast first and then we’ll worry about all of that. Sound good?”

Elain plopped back down in her chair.

“They really care for you,” he said once they started eating again. “The twins I mean.”

She sipped at her coffee. “We grew attached to each other while they chauffeured me around.”

He snorted. “Is that what you called it?”

She raised a brow. “Wasn’t it? What would you have called them driving me to and from work?”

“Escorting you.”

Elain wrinkled her face in the most adorable way. “Now it sounds like I’m paying them for pleasure.”

Az really couldn’t just help himself. “I think we both know where you get that from.” He flashed her a self-satisfied grin.

She wanted to argue it—he could see the retort sitting on her tongue. But in the end, she just rolled her eyes and came around the table to perch herself on his lap.

His hands went to her waist to steady her, but he was surprised when she leaned forward and kissed him softly. Her arm slipped around the backside of his neck, hand sliding into his hair. It wasn’t a kiss to spark a fire—nothing like the ones they shared this morning—but simply to convey her love.

“I think we do,” she finally answered him, brushing her nose along his.

Azriel couldn’t help but smile at her, at his world. Not letting her leave his lap, he kept an arm around her, feeding her bites of pancakes, bacon, and fruit straight from his plate. The simple domesticity of the action wasn’t something he had shared with anybody else; nor had he ever wanted to until now. It was something he loved sharing with Elain and her alone—enjoying the comforting presence of each other.

It was the best morning he had ever had—one he wanted to continue having for the rest of his life.

~~~~~

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fawnandshadows · 2 years

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Me, ready to fall asleep and getting struck with the realization that Azriel knows what Elain’s arousal smells like and Elain knows what Azriel’s arousal smells like

#they are already prythians prettiest and hottest couple #elriel #elain x azriel #azriel #elain archeron #pro elriel #pro azriel #pro elain archeron

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gopeachllama · 3 years

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elriel are just so hot for getting everyone so mad about them 😌

#acotar #elriel #pro elriel #their book is gonna be just #*chefs kiss*#i expect nothing less from the prettiest couple in prythian

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daisymydaisy · 3 years

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Prettiest Prythian couple

Both quotes from ACOSF

#acosf #acotar #azriel x elain #azriel #elain archeron #elain x azriel #pro elain #elriel #sarah j mass #prettiest couple #prythian

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jungleslang · 3 years

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So I decided to make my own ACOTAR fancast because I've been seeing a lot of them lately, and I just can't understand why some people are casting white men as the bat boys. I've been seeing people casting Matthew Daddario and Tom Ellis as Azriel or Rhys and Henry Cavill as Cassian and I'm like???? The fancasts for Mor and Amren bother me a little, too, because they're usually pale. Amren is clearly described as having tan/brown skin, and although Mor is blonde, she also is described as having golden brown skin. Newsflash, people of color can be naturally blonde. If you want proof, look at Sofia Vergara.

However, I can understand why people might fancast Mor as a white woman because I know we don't often see blonde women of color, and when we hear that someone is blonde, we tend to just assume they are white as most blondes are white. But for me, there's no excuse for making Amren pale or have white skin. There are plenty of darker skinned East Asians out there, whose complexion unfortunately makes them targets of ridicule because of colorism in Asia. I understand that people aren't doing this with harmful intentions, but I just wanted to point this out because it is problematic. It is especially frustrating to me as a person of color to see white people being cast as my fellow POCs, so I made my own fancast. I hope you guys enjoy!

Akash Kumar as Rhys & Lauren de Graaf as Feyre

Vito Basso as Cassian & Yulia Rose as Nesta

Marlon Teixeira as Azriel & Bridget Satterlee as Elain (The prettiest couple in Prythian✨)

Zeline Prabowo as Amren & Sierra Skye as Morrigan

Rania Benchegra as Emerie & Madeline Ford as Gwyn (My babies 🥺)

I hope you guys enjoyed my fancast! And please for the love of god stop casting white men as the bat boys. Please. It literally shaves 10 years off my lifespan whenever I see it.

#acotar #acosf #rhysand #feyre archeron #feysand #cassian #nesta archeron #nessian #azriel #elain archeron #elriel #amren #mor #Morrigan #emerie #gwyn #gwyneth berdara

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offtorivendell · 3 years

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The Significance of Elain and a Cup of Tea 🍵

Do not screenshot this post.

Disclaimer: these are my own interpretations, and obviously not canon - though I do think that the text supports Elain and Azriel ending up together. I'm sure I'm not the first to see this connection, but I had fun writing it, so... here you go.

It's another long one, sorry. Again, maybe go and make yourself a cuppa first.

In stories that involve Seers, they often read tea leaves, using the patterns they leave at the bottom of a tea cup to predict the future.

Elain, a Seer Made by the Cauldron, seems to have an interesting relationship with tea - it symbolises her/her life, and her reactions to her surroundings while she's written with a cup of tea appear to predict her own future.

The tea predicted Elain being Made

Elain lifted her teacup. “Whatever the reason, Feyre, we are happy to see you. Alive. We thought you were—” I pulled my hood back before she could go on. Elain’s teacup rattled in its saucer as she noticed my ears. My longer, slender hands—the face that was undeniably Fae. “I was dead,” I said roughly. “I was dead, and then I was reborn—remade.” Elain set her shivering teacup onto the low-lying table between us. Amber liquid splashed over the side, pooling in the saucer.

- Feyre, ACOMAF, chapter 23

When Feyre, together with Rhys, Azriel and Cassian, visited her family's estate in the human lands, Elain (and Nesta) discovered that Feyre had been Made into a high fae after she died at Amarantha's hands. They are grateful that she's alive - they'd understandably thought otherwise, but rattled by her transformation.

More water than seemed possible dumped out in a cascade. Black, smoke-coated water. And Elain, as if she’d been thrown by a wave, washed onto the stones facedown.

Alive, she had to be alive, had to have wanted to live— Elain sucked in a breath...

Elain’s ears were now pointed beneath her sodden hair.

Elain was still shivering on the wet stones...

From however Elain had been Made… Nesta was different.

- Feyre, ACOMAF, chapter 65

Later on in ACOMAF, after it is revealed that Elain and Nesta were kidnapped by the King of Hybern, Elain is lifted into the Cauldron by the Hybern soldiers, then washed over the edge a Made being, left shivering on the stone floor; in her relief that Elain was alive, Feyre noticed her newly pointed ears - a direct call back to Elain's reaction to seeing Feyre for the first time since she was Made. Feyre was shocked, this time around, and Elain was shivering on the stone ground, as opposed to her tea cup on the low-lying table.

The tea predicted Elain's failed engagement to Graysen

Nesta looked to Elain, still silent and wide-eyed. The tea she’d prepared—the finest, most exotic tea money could buy—sat undisturbed on the table. Elain thumbed the iron ring on her finger. “It is your choice,” Nesta said with unusual gentleness. For her, Nesta would go to Prythian. Elain swallowed, a doe caught in a snare. “I—I can’t. I …”

- Feyre, ACOMAF, chapter 57

Elain, raised to be a fine lady, the prettiest (most exotic) of the Archeron sisters, will eventually lose the life for which she was "prepared," and is left "undisturbed on the table," i.e. Graysen, represented here by the iron engagement ring that he gave to Elain, refused to marry her after she was Made against her will. The ring is also important in that Elain spends a lot of her time in ACOWAR touching it, while she mourned what she lost with Graysen.

Her too-thin shoulders seemed to curve inward. “No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.” A bramble of words. Her voice strained to a whisper. “He did. He saw me. He will not now.”

- Lucien, ACOWAR, chapter 24

Here Elain predicted, heartbreakingly, that Graysen would refuse to See her again - that her being Made fae would prevent him from not just loving her, but identifying with her. There are a couple of great analyses out there that discuss whether and why Elain truly loved Graysen, but what we cannot deny is that they shared a goal, and that goal gave her purpose.

All of that aside, I think we can all agree - his loss!

The tea predicted that there was nothing wrong with Elain

Nesta, sharp-eyed in the corner, had kept quiet. After a long minute, Madja asked us to join her in fetching Elain a cup of tea—with a pointed glance to the door. We both took the invitation and left our sister in her sunlit room.

“What do you mean, nothing is wrong with her?” Nesta hissed under her breath as the ancient female braced a hand on the stair railing to help herself down. I kept beside the healer, a hand in easy reach of her elbow, should she need it.

“What I mean,” Madja said at last, sizing up Nesta, then me, “is that I can find nothing wrong with her. Her body is fine—too thin and in need of more food and fresh air, but nothing amiss. And as for her mind … I cannot enter it.”

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 28

Madja, the Night Court's chief healer, informed Feyre and Nesta that there is nothing she can find wrong with Elain, other than a lack of food, which she is still refusing at this time. Nesta's words, to me, symbolised the concern that the IC and Lucien have for Elain - they're not 100% sure that she came out of the Cauldron with a sound mind - but Madja reiterated her point: there is nothing medically wrong with Elain, and she cannot enter her mind.

Is it because Madja is not a daemati, or something else entirely?

The tea appears to predict a failed relationship - and potentially a false bond - with Lucien

She’d [Jesminda] seen him not as a High Lord’s seventh son, but as a male. Had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been… thrown at him. He glanced toward the tea service spread on a low-lying table nearby.

Forced his hands to be steady while he poured himself a cup of tea and sat in the chair opposite Nesta’s vacated one.

For a long moment, Elain’s face did not shift, but those eyes seemed to focus a bit more. “Lucien,” she said at last, and he clenched his teacup to keep from shuddering at the sound of his name on her mouth.

But Elain blinked slowly. “You were in Hybern.” “Yes.” It was all he could say. “You betrayed us.”

She did not love him, want him, need him. Another male’s bride. A mortal man’s wife. Or she would have been.

- Lucien, ACOWAR, chapter 24

The only time we've had Lucien’s POV (so far) in this series is significant, in that he almost immediately compared Elain to Jesminda, his late first love, and he mused that, while Jesminda had chosen him, had loved him without hesitation, Elain had been thrown at him - very romantic - and she certainly goes on to hesitate in any interactions she has with him. It follows, then, that Elain might not choose Lucien.

Additionally, Lucien forcing his hands to remain steady while pouring the tea, then clenching the tea cup (read: dealing with Elain), could be read as symbolic of the bond between them restricting them both. Lucien then went on to call Elain "another male's bride," which is (potentially, of course) Very Important.

Who might that other male be? We have our suspicions. 🦇

When discussing Elain's health, Madja said the following:

The ancient healer jerked her chin toward Lucien. “See what he can do. If anyone can sense if something is amiss, it’s a mate.” “How.” The word was barely more than a barked command. I braced myself to warn Nesta to be polite, but Madja said to my sister, as if she were a small child, “The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.”

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 28

The beginning of chapter 29 in ACOWAR had Feyre experiencing "the most uncomfortable thirty minutes" that she could recall; Elain and Lucien were having tea, so that he could attempt to sense if "anything was amiss" - as Madja had instructed.

Lucien and Elain sat in stilted silence by the dim fireplace, an untouched tea service between them. I didn’t dare ask if he was trying to get into her head, or if he was feeling a bond similar to that black adamant bridge between Rhys’s mind and my own. If a normal mating bond felt wholly different.

A teacup rattled and rasped against a saucer, and Mor and I glanced over. Elain had picked up the teacup, and now sipped from it without so much as looking toward him. In the dining room across the hall, I knew Nesta was craning her neck to look.

The sound [Amren in the other room] seemed to startle Elain, who swiftly set down her teacup. She rose to her feet, and Lucien shot to his. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “What—what was that?” Mor put a hand on my knee to keep me from rising, too. “It—it was a tug. On the bond.”

Elain sidled toward Nesta, who seemed to be at a near-simmer. “It felt… strange,” Elain breathed. “Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib.”

“There’s a bond—it’s a real thread,” he said, more to himself than us.

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 29

The words that signify what is between Lucien and Elain here seem quite telling - stilted, dim, untouched - a call back to the "undisturbed" tea service that Elain laid out for their meeting with the queens, which foreshadowed the end of her relationship with Graysen.

The stilted silence and dim fireplace suggest that there is no communication down their "bond," and that they lack the fire of other truly mated couples. More specifically, they could be referring to Feyre/Rhys (bond communication) and Nesta/Cassian (fire between them). Will touch play an important role in Elain's eventual romance?

Elain sipped her tea - read: will live her life - without looking to Lucien at all, while Nesta, Feyre and Mor all watched her/them. Feyre took a moment to wonder if a "normal mating bond" felt different to what she shares with Rhys, not knowing that what Elain and Lucien have may not be normal at all.

Not long after this, Lucien attemped to reach Elain down the "thread" (singular) of their bond and startled her; Elain quickly stood up, then shared that her bond felt strange - almost as if she was answering Feyre's thought. A "normal" mating bond should not feel "strange." What is wrong with the bond between Lucien and Elain? He was unable to sense anything, as Madja said a true mate would, and a little later on, Azriel figured out that Elain was a Seer.

I found my sister in the kitchen, watching the kettle scream. “He’s not staying for tea,” I said. No sign of Nuala or Cerridwen. Elain simply removed the kettle from the heat.

I knew I wasn’t truly angry with her, not angry with anyone but myself, but I said, “You couldn’t say a single word to him? A pleasant greeting?”

Elain only stared at the steaming kettle as she set it on the stone counter.

“He brought you a present.”

Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

“No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.”

“He doesn’t know me.”

“You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.”

Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.” She wanted a human man.

- Feyre, ACOFAS, chapter 18

I felt like this passage is partly prediction, and partly a way for SJM to let us into Elain's head; for Elain to speak her truths. A couple of lines did stand out to me, though:

I read Elain "watching the kettle scream" as synonymous with what must have been going on in her head at the time. Scream is an odd choice of word, as most would describe a kettle as whistling. As an aside, there is an interesting parallel that exists with Azriel, in his bonus chapter of ACOSF, where being with Elain makes the noise in his head quiet down.

Elain staring at the steaming kettle seemed to indicate that she might be evaluating her life - could the steam be a metaphor for the mist she will have to See through to find the fourth Dread Trove item? Lucien "not staying for tea" (read: Elain's life) sounded like confirmation (to me, of course) that they will not pursue a romantic relationship together.

Elain’s declaration that Lucien doesn't know her, and that he cannot buy her time or affection with gifts is *chef's kiss* good, though please don't read this as anti Lucien - it's more anti Feyre's poor choice of words.

I have discussed '"I don't want a mate. I don’t want a male.” She wanted a human man.' here, in depth, but a quick summary is that I think Elain wants someone to See all of her, including her humanity, and that her humanity will probably be helpful with her future love interest.

The tea appears to predict Elain's eventual relationship with Azriel, and maybe even a mating bond

She looked away [from Lucien]—toward the windows. “I can hear your heart,” she said quietly. He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing, and drained his tea, even as it burned his mouth. “When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?” He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.” Her too-thin shoulders seemed to curve inward. “No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.” A bramble of words. Her voice strained to a whisper. “He did. He saw me. He will not now.”

- Lucien, ACOWAR, chapter 24

Firstly, and so significantly, Elain looked away from Lucien, and towards the windows, instead. We know that, earlier in that scene, Elain was talking to Feyre about being able to see the sea from where she sat, but I think that when Elain is mentioned as being around tea, her words tend to take on a deeper meaning - I interpreted this as Elain removing herself from the conversation she'd been having with Lucien. The next words out of her mouth, then - that "In my sleep, I hear your heart beating through the stone," appear to be spoken not to Lucien, but someone else.

Who do we know who always seems to be looking out windows to the garden, in search of Elain? Who could potentially be flying over Velaris, to or from the House of Wind? It looks like our flower grower might have started the trend!

Who sleeps at the House of Wind, where Elain and Nesta also stay? Aside from Lucien as a guest, there are two longterm residents. One of them is mated to Nesta, while the other one displays some strikingly familiar behaviour towards the middle Archeron sister.

Secondly, the tea burnt Lucien's mouth, then he thought to himself that there's a good chance Elain might not have been addressing him, may have intended to say that to someone else.

Lucien himself told us what was happening, which brings us to:

Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones, sunning his wings and reading what looked to be a stack of reports—likely information on the Autumn Court that he planned to present to Rhys once he’d sorted through it all. Already dressed for the Hewn City—the brutal, beautiful armor so at odds with the lovely garden. And my sister sitting within it. “Why not make them mates?” I mused. “Why Lucien?” “I’d keep that question from Lucien.”

- Feyre and Rhys, ACOWAR, chapter 24

In direct contrast to the tea that Elain and Lucien shared - stilted silence, dim fireplace, untouched tea service (i.e. their bond) - Elain and Azriel sit comfortably - we can assume, due to the lack of negative adjectives - in the sun, a cup of tea (read, once more: her life) "before her." The wrought iron table could potentially be symbolic; that Elain will be hammered into shape by the events of her life, ultimately becoming strong.

Elain is, however, "silent," which may have been indicating that she will spend some time not voicing her own wishes/being passive in her life - we have seen this throughout ACOWAR and ACOFAS, until ACOSF, where she finally started to speak up. It might also mean something else, which I mention further down.

Azriel is even sunning his wings. If you haven't seen it, this is how birds sun their wings - and they look hilariously comfy as they do.

Image source. Can someone please draw the Rhys/Cass/Az version of this?!). 😅

The pose makes them vulnerable; we know exactly how sensitive and possessive Illyrians are about their wings, and how private Azriel is in general, but he trusted Elain enough to expose himself (figuratively - and also, sort of literally) right from the start, just as Elain trusted his reactions at the first "family dinner," back in ACOMAF.

I discussed the relevance of how Elain, the sun, lays bare Azriel's shadows in this post, but the mutual trust and comfort here is, in my opinion, more evidence that Elain and Az share some sort of bond, be that mate or other, that makes him feel innately secure around her. Outside the Night Court, Rhys only ever showed his wings to Feyre, and while Azriel's wings can't be summoned at will like Rhys' can, the same principle stands - protect at all costs, so the parallel is there.

I also think Az may have been showing off his wings - just a wee bit. This is when Feyre uttered her iconic - and maybe prophetic - line, "Why not make them mates?" Feyre, who had thought from the start that Elain and Azriel would make a handsome pair. This is yet another parallel to a canonically mated pair, as we saw Cassian (not so) subtly showing off his wings to Nesta in chapter 29 of ACOWAR.

Oh, and Azriel knew Feyre was watching. So did Cassian. Perhaps they didn't care?

I know Elain x Azriel is not the most popular ship for either of them, but the evidence, to me, has been here all along - not just for a chosen relationship, but also a potential bond. Of course, this shouldn't stop people from shipping who they want. 🖤

The tea predicts that Feyre will become too overprotective of Elain

Rhys smiled at me over his shoulder. Enjoy your tea, you overbearing chaperone.

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 29

" You think I stifle her?"

- Feyre (in response to Rhys), ACOSF, Feyre's bonus chapter

No matter who you ship, the one thing that almost everyone can agree on is that ACOSF demonstrated that Elain is frustrated with being coddled, protected, and not seen; she wants to grow, to come into her own and to have her help be both welcomed and valued.

Unresolved/potential predictions

The following are just bits of text that jumped out at me, that could hint at future events (or could end up being nothing, of course).

Elain thumbed the iron ring on her finger. “It is your choice,” Nesta said with unusual gentleness.

- Feyre, ACOMAF, chapter 57

A hint that Elain's story will be revolve around her making her own choices, both in terms of her love interest and role within the Night Court.

"And as for her mind… I cannot enter it.”

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 28

Elain apparently has an impenetrable mind - will this be important when she deals with Koschei, the queens and other future enemies? Is she an anti-daemati?

But Elain blinked slowly. “You were in Hybern.” “Yes.” It was all he could say. “You betrayed us.”

- Lucien, ACOWAR, chapter 24

Future foreshadowing?! I really, really hope not.

Slow blinkers tend to have quick reflexes, let's hope that this is suggesting Elain will be quick on her feet.

- Feyre, ACOWAR, chapter 24

Will Elain become involved with Azriel's spy service, or work with him in some capacity? Spies must be able to stay silent, to keep secrets - and we know from ACOSF that Elain is adept at secret keeping.

#elain archeron #seer #elriel #pro elriel #anti elucien #feyre archeron #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #lucien vanserra #divination #acosf #tea #tea leaves #spy elain #anti gwynriel

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wessahelvar · 3 years

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Friendly reminder

Elriel is the prettiest couple in Prythian.

#elain archeron #elriel #flowers #azriel #pro elain #acotar #acotar 5 #pro elriel #sjmaas

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duskcowboy · 2 years

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🌙 A Sleepless Night 🌙

AC: 🎨 siyana_art & commissioned by azriel_elain on insta!!

“Elain’s now going to have dreams about ripping ivy out and the ivy creeping in through the window to strangle her at night, because let me tell you, that ivy does not want to go.” (interview with SJM published in original paperback edition of acofas)

“Cassian let it drop, knowing Az would have told him already if he’d wanted to share what had been hounding him enough to exercise at night, rather than in the morning with them.” (acosf chp 23)

“But sleep so rarely found him these days. Too many razor-sharp thoughts slice him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike. Too many wants and needs left his skin overheated and pulling taut across his bones. So he only slept when his body gave out, and even then only for a few hours.” (acosf Azriel bonus)

A huge THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to the lovely artist, siyana_art, and especially to azriel_elain on insta who commissioned this gorgeous piece.

Please go show the IG post some love!! ❤️❤️

#elriel #elain archeron #azriel #pro elriel #elain x azriel #death and the lovely fawn #the flowergirl and the shadowsinger #elriel art #elriel fanart #can you believe how gorgeous this is???? I’m dying I love it sm #Elain’s hair?? Az’s back muscles??? 🤤🤤🤤#the prettiest couple in prythian 😏#I find something new I love about this art every time I look at it 😆

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tswaney17 · 3 years

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We know Azriel kneel to Elain, and I can only imagine so. Because our babies are soft in the end.

She caressing him and he looking for a comfort he never had.

Again, I apologize for taking so long to get to this. I’ve been in a bit of a writing slump and I’m trying hard to kick it. But you got my mind going...

When Azriel comes home after spending time in the depths of the Court of Nightmares, he's always a bit stiff. A touch raw.

Elain knew that it wasn't that he needed to talk about what he did, she was well aware of what was required of him by his court. What it cost him. The toll it took. He just needed the comfort of her presence. To feel her.

When he returned to their cottage, it was the drawn look on his face that always tugged on her heart.

"Come here, my love," she’d murmur, rising and holding her arms open.

Azriel would trudge forward, sinking down to his knees in front of her, his arms around her waist.

Elain instantly embraced him, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, a hand sliding into his hair.

She’d hold him tightly to her, comforting him with her touch.

They'll stay like that for a while. Sometimes it's only a few minutes before Az is able to collect himself. Other times it's much longer before he can get a grip on his inner turmoil.

But no matter how long he needs, Elain will continue to stroke his hair until he's ready to face whatever has its hold on him.

She never asks him to explain himself; Azriel will tell her when he’s ready and if he needs to. He doesn’t like to get too into the details of what that part of his job entails, mostly because it requires him to relive it and when he’s with Elain, he prefers to look forward, not backward.

It’s these moments that bring them closer together. It just reiterates that they don’t need words to communicate - just their silent presence.

~~~~~

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tswaney17 · 3 years

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Secret Sessions - Part 1: The Scry

This is based off of @wingedblooms headcanon: “Elain is doing a bunch of training on the side - and tracking down Bryaxis would be part of that - and she’s caught by someone.”

Thank you for letting me take this idea and run with it! I’m very excited with out this turned out. 🥰💙

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💙💜💚

Trigger warnings: Just some language I believe.

Word Count: 3,481

Azriel landed smoothly on the terrace of the townhouse. The rays of the summer sun beat down on his membranous wings, warming them and adding to the exhaustion he always felt.

It had been a few months since Nyx had been born and the new parents had handed over the reins of their responsibilities to the rest of them as they learned to adjust to having a newborn.

Which meant Cassian and him were in charge of wrangling the Illyrians—much to his dismay—among keeping a close eye on the human queens and searching for Koeschi. Not to mention that they still had the fourth Dead Trove object to find, one task Az had a feeling would land on Elain’s shoulders, being the only other Made Fae in existence.

Something in his chest ached at the thought of her. Of their almost kiss on Solstice. It plagued his dreams whenever sleep found him. Of Elain’s open expression, the offer and permission on her face. Her sweet scent that nearly had him on his knees begging for a taste, a touch.

Perhaps if Rhys had caught him like that, he would’ve seen it differently. That he wasn’t just a dog begging for scraps from the table. That he had real feelings for the other Archeron sister, even if he could barely admit them to himself.

The Shadowsinger rubbed at his eyes. He knew dark circles had become a staple on his face. Cassian had looked at him with worry the last couple of weeks—asked him if he was okay. Of course, he lied and said he was, though he knew his brother hadn’t believed him. Granted, his brother had a right to be concerned. Az hadn’t slept a full night in years. But since Solstice, it had progressively gotten worse. Those few hours of dreamless bliss had turned into full-on productions of Elain and that night. The possibilities of what could’ve happened.

He usually woke up hard, aching for her company, and denying it until his body forced it away. It was a different kind of frustration. His own personal hell. It shortened his temperament fuse to minuscule levels, which he, unfortunately, took out on Cassian when they trained—or on the females he helped teach, pushing them until the general told him to step out.

Even Nesta had watched him with concern. He couldn’t take their looks of pity. So, he spread his wings out and shot into the sky, soaring towards the townhouse knowing it was sitting unoccupied since Rhys and Feyre had moved into the River Estate.

When he landed on the cobblestones and started making the trek to the back door, he froze.

Elain’s scent hit him hard, nearly knocking the wind from him. It was fresh, meaning she was still inside and he wondered what she was doing here alone.

Not knowing if he could face her, he began to step back when a second scent caught him.

Blood.

Elain’s blood.

A new wave of anxiety and worry washed over the roaring in his head and he hurried into the townhouse. He threw open the back doors and was assaulted by the two scents, the potent smell made his stomach twist with fear.

If she was hurt and he didn’t know… What kind of spymaster was he if he couldn’t tell when the female he cared for was in danger?

“Elain!” he called out, not the slightest embarrassed at how shaky his voice came out. His shadows exploded out of him searching the townhouse for her, for potential threats. He followed her honey and jasmine scent towards the dining area when his shadows returned to him. No signs of a threat, but they did confirm Elain was behind the closed doors.

Shadows wretched open the doors to the dining area with enough force that he’s surprised they didn’t come off the hinges.

But there sat Elain, her back to him, at the head of the table.

“Elain,” he said again, his feet moving him closer to her. Like an insect attracted to an open flame.

But there was no response from the female, and it took him getting to her side to realize why.

Elain was scrying.

A map of Prythian was laid out in front of her. A dagger, painted red with her blood, sat on the edge of the parchment. Elain’s bloodied fist gripped a handful of rocks until her knuckles had turned white. Red liquid dripped from her curled hand onto the map. Her eyes moved behind closed lids as she searched and searched for what, he didn’t know.

But what terrified him the most was the scarlet drop that was slowly leaking from her nose—a sign that she was pushing her body too hard. Her magic was taking its toll on her, but she continued to force it. To bend it to her will.

Azriel gripped her shoulder and shook her. “Elain, stop. Snap out of it.”

Whatever trance she found herself under, it did not like his interference. She—or her body really—shook off his grip with brutal efficiency, teeth bared in a threatening manner. Her magic, one he had never felt before deflected in a burst of bright light, forcing him back a step.

Shadows gathered at his ankles, ready to defend their master and he shot one out to snatch the dagger lying on the table. He gripped the handle. The metal was cool to the touch, telling him that Elain had been under a lot longer than she should’ve.

“Elain,” he tried again, using more urgency in his voice. His siphons flared but bounced uselessly off the boundary her magic created. Whatever Elain had been doing here, she had obviously grown more into her unknown Fae magic than the rest of them knew. Because it wasn’t seer power she was using. It was something different.

Something much older.

It was warmth, and life, and birth. And yet, it was also something deadly.

With no other option available, the Shadowsinger dropped into a chair a few seats down from her and waited for the Seer to finish.

~~~~~

Ancient trees and murky waters. Darkness settled over the small lake like dreary shadows that sucked the life from everything it touched. The chill penetrated to the bone, making her entire body ache. It was worse than the harsh winters of the human lands. The unfulfilled ache in her belly as her body began to consume itself.

It was pain and bleakness.

It was worse than the nightmares it fed off of.

But across that lake was a pair of glowing eyes. Fear itself watched her like it knew she was looking. That she was searching for it.

Because not even Bryaxis could outrun the eyes of the Seer.

Nothing could hide from the Mother when she sought it out.

A tendril of its darkness reached out towards her, caressed her cheek in both curiosity and affection. It was a different kind of darkness than what Rhys possessed. Different than the shadows of the Night Court Spymaster. It seemed to say, see me, find me, love me, Kingslayer. I shall show you the way.

~~~~~

Elain’s eyes shot open as she sucked in a gasp. Her fist unfurled and the rocks dropped over the map she had laid out. Chest heaving, Elain’s gaze didn’t settle on the map to see where the rocks had landed like she had expected it to.

No, she found herself looking at the Shadowsinger sitting two seats away. His head was bent, scarred hand twisting the dagger point down in the table. But she knew he was aware she had come back up from her scrying—the shadows swarming him also indicated he was not thrilled.

That made two of them.

“What in God's name do you think you’re doing?” His voice was ice cold. Never once had he used that tone with her before.

The magic eddying inside her snarled, but Elain reined it in. “You’re the Shadowsinger, surely you can figure it out.”

His head snapped up to look at her. Surprise and anger warred on his face. A shadow curled around his ear, likely sensing that ancient magic swirling in her chest. “Do you know how dangerous it is the scry, let alone by yourself—”

“I’m not alone,” she interrupted.

The Wraith twins stepped out from the shadows behind her, likely having hidden when their Spymaster appeared.

It was utter wrath that filled his face. “You two helped her do this and didn’t even warn me?” he admonished.

Both Nuala and Cerridwen bowed their heads.

“Apologies, Spymaster.”

But Elain was beyond her limits. “Don’t apologize to him. I asked you to help me without the other’s knowledge.” She turned those flaming brown eyes onto the male a few seats down. “If you want to yell or punish somebody, then it should be me. But don’t you dare take it out on them when they were just being loyal to me as their friend.”

Hazel eyes darted back to the Wraiths as he set the dagger flat on the tabletop. “Can you two give us a minute?”

Nodding, Nuala and Cerridwen stepped back through the wall and disappeared.

He took a deep breath to settle himself. It was not often she would catch him with his emotions not in check. “Why are you even scrying, Elain? Do you not remember what happened to Nesta the last time she did it? Her magic overwhelmed her and Cassian had to pull her back down. What if the same happened to you?” he demanded, though his voice remained steady.

Elain crossed her arms, needing some type of protection from the way his eyes assessed her. “I was fine. And if something did go wrong, they were instructed to contact either you or Rhys.” She didn’t miss the way his face twisted at his brother’s name.

Interesting. But not what she needed to worry about.

“And how far along in this process were they supposed to wait before they reached out to us?”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I said I was fine.”

“But you’re not!” he exploded, rising out of his chair. “The blood dripping from your nose tells me that you were pushing yourself too hard! Magic has repercussions, Elain. If you let it get too out of control it will consume you.”

Her hand touched her face, and she looked down to see her fingertips were indeed stained red.

Shit.

She ducked her head to clean the blood off her lip with the back of her hand. Her nose had bled before, but it never got to the point where it dripped down towards her mouth. She tucked that piece of information away to puzzle over it later.

Azriel procured a towel from somewhere and sent it on a shadow over to her.

Elain took it gratefully and cleaned herself up.

The Shadowsinger strolled towards the windows, looking out at the garden beyond. The one she singlehandedly built. It needed some maintenance. But she had been too busy training with the twins to really care about the townhouse garden. He sighed loudly. “Elain, why are you scrying?”

She dropped the soiled towel onto the table and twisted to face where he stood. “I’m not blind. I know we still need to find Koschei and the fourth Dead Trove.”

He whirled around. “You’re searching for Koschei and the Dead Trove?”

“Of course not. I’m still training my magic to search for those.”

It was relief that washed over the Shadowsinger’s face.

“I’m scrying and searching for Bryaxis.”

Azriel turned a ghostly shade of white. “You’re what?”

Elain’s fingers tapped on the tabletop in a repeated rhythm. “I’m searching for Bryaxis. If we’re to face a death god, we need to have every asset available in our arsenal. Bryaxis is a vital ally. We need it on our side.”

“But Bryaxis!” he spluttered, wings flaring out wide enough to knock a vase off a shelf. It shattered on the floor of the dining area, not that he seemed to notice—or care for that matter. “You do realize that even Cassian is scared of it, right?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m not frightened of Bryaxis. It’s almost like it wants me to find it.”

Dark brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

Elain rubbed around her eye sockets, a headache forming from her scrying. “It reached out to me during my scry. Like it could see me—wanted me to find it.” Her eyes finally went to the map and she let out a small sound of frustration. “Dammit.”

“What is it?” he asked, moving closer to peer at the parchment.

“It keeps dropping in this area,” she pointed to a small circle the rocks had formed. “But I see water, like a small lake, when I scry and there isn’t anything in that realm that could be a body of water.”

The Shadowsinger’s eyes flicked over the map. “How many times have the rocks dropped here?” he indicated with a scarred finger.

“Three, including today.” She peered up at his face, studied the way his entire body went taut.

“You found it, Elain. That’s the Bog of Oorid. It’s like a swampy, marsh area. There’s a small lagoon-like lake there.”

Her brows furrowed together. “Why isn’t it labeled on the map?”

“The Bog is a very dangerous place. It’s where the Fae have herded deadly monsters over the centuries. It’s a lawless area protected by some ancient magic in the Middle. Most who dare to trek their way through don’t come back. It’s nearly uncharted territory.”

Elain was on her feet. “Then let's go. He’s been there for at least a week. Who knows how much longer he’ll remain.”

But Azriel’s hand shot out and pressed down on her shoulder until she sank back into her chair. “We are not going to the Bog.”

“Don’t push me off to the sidelines,” she snapped, shoving his hand off her. “I found Bryaxis. It wants me to come to it, I know it.”

“I didn’t say that,” he argued. “I’m not taking you to the Bog by myself. It’s way too risky to go there without backup. Let me talk to Rhys and Cassian and we’ll come up with a plan. But I need somebody else there with me because I will absolutely lose my mind if something drags you into that swamp, Elain.”

Her breath halted in her lungs and she blinked up at him, at his words.

He seemed to realize what he had said and stepped back, the high arches of his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. For a minute, they just seemed to stare at each other as a tense silence draped over them.

It prickled her skin in a way that had her magic singing.

Azriel stepped back again and ran a hand through his hair. Black strands stuck up in disarray.

It was hard for her not to think about that night when those hands were in her hair. The way he tilted her head up to meet his mouth. His musky scent that told her he wanted her in the same way she wanted him.

And then he said those words that twisted her heart until she wanted to cry.

This was a mistake.

It seemed that that was all Elain was doing. Making mistake after mistake. She knew she could be valuable to the Night Court. Wanted to desperately make them see she belonged here.

He shook his head, shoulders slumped forward in a way Elain recognized as utter exhaustion. She could see it on his face, by the way he held himself told her just how tired he was. “You shouldn’t be scrying,” he breathed.

The tension between them snapped like a rubber band. “Don’t. Don’t start trying to coddle me like everyone else.”

“I’m not trying to coddle you, Elain.”

Elain pushed up off her seat. “You are!” she shouted. “Everyone here wants to shy me away from the truth, but you all seem to forget that I was made too! I’m the only other person who can find the fourth trove. And I’m more powerful than you want to hold me to.” That newly unlocked power rumbled from her chest down to her feet.

Blue siphons flared at the threat of her magic. Shadows swirled around the talons of Azriel’s wings and curled around his ear. He cocked his head to the side, likely trying to determine what exactly flowed in her veins. “You’ve been training. With the twins I presume?”

Elain lifted her chin in defiance. “Yes. It’s been limited to what they can help me with, but we’ve made it work.” Her fingers curled into fists at her sides. “I’m not going to play housewife to Lucien like everyone seems to want me to.”

The Shadowsinger’s face paled. “Nobody wants to force you into accepting the bond with him, Elain.” There was an emotion in his tone of voice that she couldn’t place.

“Bullshit,” she cursed. “Don’t stand there and tell me that there isn’t some political agenda going on behind my back in regards to my bond with Lucien. You all might not tell me things but that doesn’t mean I’m not aware of what’s going on.” She hated the way her voice cracked. At how desperately she just wanted to be seen—be heard—by someone.

Azriel took a step forward. Then another until he was right in front of her. “Elain…” he breathed, hands sliding to her jaw. He tilted her face up until she was looking into his hazel-colored eyes. His thumb brushed under her lashes, wiping away the lone tear she couldn’t hold back. “You do get a choice. You will always have a choice.”

It very much didn’t feel like that some days.

He seemed to debate something internally. His eyes flicked back and forth between hers until he finally said, “Let me help. Let me help you. I can train you to use your magic, likely better than the Wraith twins are able to.”

It was like a knife to her heart. She had originally wanted to ask for his help, but after Solstice, she threw that idea away as fast as she returned the necklace to him. Elain still wondered what happened to it, but pushed that thought away. “I’m sure you’re plenty busy with the Valkyries, and that they’re missing your presence.” She couldn’t help the bitterness of her tone.

“They’ll be fine without me. Cassian can handle them on his own.” His thumbs swept across her cheeks. “Please, let me help you. I’m choosing you.” There was a desperate tone to his voice—one that broke her heart.

Elain smiled sadly up at him. “Except you didn’t. Because that was a mistake.” She saw the words hit their mark as the Shadowsinger flinched. Pulling herself from his grasp, she stepped back, needing to add some space between them.

His arms fell uselessly to his sides.

“It’s fine.” It was a lie. “I’m not some delicate flower that wilts because somebody else doesn’t want me.”

He reached out for her hand, but she stepped out of his range. “That’s not it at all.” Hurt flashed across his face. “Elain, please. Just let me explain—”

“I respected you enough to not demand an answer. Can you respect me enough to not force me to listen to an explanation?” There was no stopping the tears that fell down her cheeks, but she was quick to wipe them away. She couldn’t go down that road again—had cried over it months ago. Elain had locked her heart away after Solstice and wasn’t sure when or if she’d ever take it back out.

Unable to look at the emotion that lined his hazel eyes, she dropped her gaze to the floor. “Let me know when we’re heading out for Bryaxis.” She turned away from him and headed towards the doors that led out of the dining area.

She couldn’t be in the same room as him right now. It hurt too much—opened too many wounds that she didn’t have the energy to heal. Elain paused on the threshold, her hand touching the doorframe. There was one more thing she had to tell him. Something she had seen in a vision and couldn’t exactly explain, but knew he needed to hear. “Azriel,” she began, turning to look over her shoulder at him.

Surprise and devastation lined his typically gorgeous face.

“I hope you’re using the earplugs I gave you for Solstice.” At his incredibly puzzled face, she added, “Bryaxis isn’t the worst monster out there.” Without any further explanation, Elain left him in a swish of lilac skirts, ignoring how he called out her name, and the pull in her chest.

~~~~~~

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