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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

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NIGHTMARE - PROLOGUE (BUCKY BARNES)

PROLOGUE - CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU

Next Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @calums-betch @bangtanxberm @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!Reader

Word Count: 3,616

Summary: You were only in New York for a recon mission. Seek out and assess the threat. But when you get distracted by a handsome soldier, plans change.

Notes: I’m so excited for this series. I’ve been working on it for a long time and it’s one of my favorites!!

You were sneaking through the crowd, trying to get a spot close to the stage. You were assigned to the Modern Marvels Pavillion to check on what Howard Stark was working on. The information you were given was that he was a threat and though you weren’t allowed to engage, you had to see what he was unveiling. You didn’t protest when your orders told you to only observe. You knew it’d be too public to make any sort of attempt on the potential inventor’s life. Upon your arrival, you quickly realized it was the best decision.

You figured no one objected to you pushing past them since you weren’t really tall enough to block anyone’s view. You kept your head down and muttered an ‘Excuse me’ and ‘Pardon me’ as you crept through the tight-knit group. You reached a point where it was too tight for even you to squeeze through, so you settled for your spot with a silent disappointed sigh.

“What’s the matter?” The man beside you asked. You turned your head and had to lift your eyes to see his face. “Don’t tell me your boyfriend bailed on you.”

He was nothing short of beautiful. He wore an officer’s uniform and a smile of pure joy. You could tell that under his cap, his hair was neatly combed. He carried himself with an easy-going pride that said he knew he was pretty, but he knew he was more than that. You were stunned into a momentary silence while his eyes scanned your face. He wasn’t necessarily searching for something, but more likely just seeing you.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. And trust me, if I had a boyfriend, he’d know better than to stand me up.” You finally answered with a nervous smile. “I just wanted to see a bit better is all. I’ve heard a lot about Howard Stark’s advancements. Can’t blame a girl for being excited.” You shrugged, as if to accept your defeat.

“In that case… You can go ahead and stand here.” He gently took your hand and pulled you in front of him. You offered no resistance as your feet took those few steps. “How’s that?”

From your new position, there were fewer heads in front of you. You were able to see the entirety of the stage and Howard’s project. At the moment, it seemed to be a plain old car. You noticed quickly that the boy hadn’t taken his hand away and you found your stomach doing flips. Part of you didn’t want him to, but a bigger part knew he was a distraction.

“Yes, much better.” You said honestly, refusing to take your eyes from the stage. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” He said simply and even though you weren’t looking, you could hear a proud little smile in his voice.

The display was quick and seemingly failed. Howard had introduced his project, which was a flying car. You were amazed that that was even a possibility. In your head, that wouldn’t be possible in your century. You had to admit that his progress was impressive, even if the display collapsed on itself.

You decided Howard wasn’t an immediate threat. You discounted the so-called inventor as nothing more than a basement tinkerer at the moment. You did recognize that he had potential to be dangerous, but at that exact moment in time, he wasn’t something to be concerned about. You would report that he should be monitored, but no immediate actions were necessary.

“Did you have any plans tonight?” The boy asked once the applause had ended and the crowd began to dissipate.

“No, not really.” You shook your head as you turned to face him. “Really, I just came to see this.” You nodded behind you towards the now empty stage, save for the demonstration vehicle. “I’m a bit of a technology and science enthusiast.”

“Incredible, isn’t it?” He beamed. You couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. He was so enthralled with the future of technology. It was rather cute. And now that your assignment was complete, you could enjoy your night.

“Yes, truly.” You chuckled. “And you, Soldier? Where are you off to?”

“If I’m lucky, dancing with a beautiful little lady.” He flirted shamelessly. He reached for your hand again, his thumb gently stroking your knuckles.

You cleared your throat in a lame attempt to regain your composure. His simple touches flustered you more than expected. “Are all the men in the Army so forward or is it just you?” You teased, lifting a hand to flick the crooked bill of his hat. “Cute.”

“Well, I ship out to England first thing tomorrow so I wouldn’t want to miss my chance.”

“Tomorrow?” You tilted your head in question. You were almost disappointed. “What unit are you with?”

“The 107th.” He nodded proudly. You hoped the answer would stick in your memory, just in case you needed him later. Or he needed you.

“And you want to go dancing?” Your brows arched. “With me?”

“If you’ll have me.” He gave you a kind smile.

“I’m not the kind to fall for a guy who flashes a smile.” You teased with a smile of your own.

“Ooh.” He feigned offense. “That one hurt, Doll.”

You couldn't help but laugh.

“I have to admit, I don’t know how to dance that well.” You toyed with a coy smile.

“I’m sure I could teach you a thing or two.” He replied with a playful smirk. He offered an arm to you and you paused as if you were still contemplating. You knew your report was expected immediately, but a slight delay wouldn’t be the end. It wasn’t as if Howard Stark would suddenly threaten your superiors within the next few hours.

“Do I get to know the name of my dear hero?” You asked with a laugh as you hooked your arm through his. “Or should I come up with a nickname of my own for you? I’m sure I can think of something.”

“Sergeant James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.” He smiled widely. “And you are?”

“Y/N.” You replied. “Y/N Cervantes.”

You glanced over for his reaction and saw his brows raise, clearly taken back by your answer. You weren’t sure what he was expecting. You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. Your own laugh made him laugh as well.

“My family’s not from New York.” You explained. You knew that you should keep your identity secret, come up with some alias so no one could find you later. But you doubted you would see the boy again, being that he’d be gone the next day. And you knew you wouldn’t be around if he came back. “We’re from California, actually. We moved a few years ago when my father got transferred to a factory here.”

That was the lie you told everyone, no matter where you ended up. You were never around long enough to see when or if people discovered that you had no parents.

“Y/N… I like it.” He smiled.

Something about that smile made your heart skip a beat. He was truly the most beautiful boy you had ever seen. It almost disappointed you that you’d likely never see him again. You couldn’t keep your eyes off him.

As you two were leaving, you noticed his attention caught elsewhere. Following his line of sight, you saw a small, vaguely familiar figure. He was a short, skinny boy with a head of cleany styled blonde hair. He had a determined set to his shoulders as he stood in the recruitment tent. Your new friend, James, sighed heavily.

“Are you going to introduce me to your friend over there?” You asked finally, breaking his stare from the boy. He looked over at you and chuckled, nodding his head towards the tent.

“Anything you wish.” He replied happily, though you could tell there was an underlying annoyance. You weren’t sure if it was directed at you or the blond’s actions.

“Seriously?” James asked his friend as you two approached. “How many times are you going to try this?”

“Who’s your friend?” The blond tried to change the subject.

“Y/N Cervantes.” You smiled with a polite nod.

“Steve Rogers.” He nodded in return. “How’d you end up with this guy?”

“He gave me a better spot to see Howard Stark, so I figured I owed him a dance at least.” You shrugged casually. “And you?”

“Grew up with him.” He smiled fondly. Clearly, the two were very close and you momentarily longed for that type of friendship. You quickly shook the thoughts, remembering that you had given that life up when you began to fully participate in the organization your family left you with.

“How quaint.” You smiled slightly.

“You know lying on your enlistment form is a federal offense.” James commented, staring at Steve in annoyance. You couldn’t help but examine his features. You noted the angle of his jaw, the curve of his lips as he spoke and the way his eyebrows punctuated his words. “Who you gonna be this time? Steve from Ohio? They’re gonna catch you, or worse, they’ll actually take you.”

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!” Steve groaned, trying to cut off his friend. “There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them.”

“To be fair…” You tried. “You’ve gotta admit it’s rather admirable to be so determined.”

“Thank you, Y/N.” Steve smiled proudly, as if your input was what he needed to win. James looked over at you, his expression showing amused surprise.

“Who’s side are you on, little lady?” He teased and you smacked his arm lightly.

“This isn’t about me.” Steve added.

“Right.. Cause you got nothing to prove.” James challenged.

“If I may, one more time..” You tried. You noticed at the check in podium a man who resembled a photo you had seen floating around your organization, but his name escaped you. He was watching your interactions with interest and part of you worried he knew who you were or who you worked for. “I don’t think you can stop him, James. He seems very persistent. I think it’s sweet.”

James looked between you and Steve before sighing.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” He said reluctantly. James gently took his arm from yours and hugged his friend tightly.

“How can I?” Steve replied as he patted James on the back affectionately. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“And don’t win the war till I get there!” Steve called as you two started to leave.

You wished Steve good luck before hooking your arm through James’ again and following his lead. He took you to a small club, alive with music and cheers. You noted there were maybe dozens of boys in military uniforms, chatting up girls and obviously flirting. It was likely their last night too.

“So you’ve never danced before?” James asked while he led to the dancefloor.

“I have.” You nodded slightly. “The dances I know are just… different.”

“Just follow my lead, Doll.” He winked before pulling you close. His hand pressed against your lower back gently, sending a tingle along your skin. A gasp escaped you at his sudden movement and you noted his small smirk that followed. You followed his lead during the music, letting him direct your steps.

“Sergeant Barnes.” You smiled, partly in amusement and partly in embarrassment. “Are you this forward with all your dates?”

“Only the ones I really like.” He shrugged casually, taking his cap from his head and placing it on yours. “Which doesn’t happen all that often.”

“A boy as good looking as you?” Your brows raised in a slight challenge as the hat tipped forward and covered your eyes. “You should have to beat the women off with a stick.”

He tilted his head back to laugh. “You think I’m good looking?” Was his only response while he repositioned the hat.

“I’m here with you, aren’t I?” You said softly. “Y’know, I don’t usually swoon but I’m over the moon.” You smiled.

“Fallin’ for me already, hmm?” He teased lightly.

“Head over heels.” You giggled. “I’m gonna be your girl.”

“I can get behind that.”

A couple songs later, the music slowed after the singer announced that it was the couples’ turn to enjoy a dance. James smiled softly and pulled you close again. You wrapped your arms over his shoulders while his hands were respectfully on your waist.

“What a gentleman.” You teased slightly. You paused before your next statement, thinking if you really wanted to say it. It would likely ruin the evening, but maybe that needed to happen. “Tell me, James..”

“Yes?”

“When you leave, will you forget me?” You asked simply. The logical part of your brain was hoping for a yes. You knew it’d be better for you at least if he didn’t look back. You hoped he had a list of girls that would be waiting for him when he came back. The emotional part of your brain was hoping for a no. That part of you wanted him to be interested in seeing you after the war. But largely, you knew that wasn’t possible.

You didn’t expect to be in New York much longer. The war was changing everyday and sooner or later, you’d be needed with your organization overseas. You had heard rumors from the crowd that Howard Stark would be working with the U.S. Army soon, so once your superiors got your report, you’d likely be required to leave. But dammit it all if James didn’t make you want to stay.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” He asked lightly. You wondered if he was trying to lessen the blow.

“If you’re implying that I have other commitments, I told you earlier that I don’t, Lover Boy.” You replied. Even though you did have commitments, it wasn’t the type of commitments the conversation was referring to. “I just figured that it’s only one night and you’ll be gone tomorrow. I tend not to make lasting impressions.”

A small chuckle shook his chest. “You think I’ll ever forget the way those eyes look at me?” He asked softly. The low tone of his voice caused a blush to creep across your cheeks. “And that smile? Oh boy! I couldn’t forget that if I tried.”

“Well don’t try too hard then.” You smiled giddily. You had never felt those kinds of feelings, and you never wanted to lose that spark in your chest.

“Is my girl gonna forget me?” He teased with a smile.

“Not if I tried.” You sighed fondly. And you knew you would have to try.

The night continued into the late hours, dancing and talking and drinking, and James was kind enough to walk you home. He put his arm around your shoulders this time around and your arm was around his back, the other hand reached up and linked your fingers together.

The more you were around James and the more physical affection you two shared, you knew it would only make it harder for you. But you supposed since you were both heading off, him to the US Army and you to the opposing side, it would be something you both let fade from memory over time. No matter what words you exchanged tonight, it wasn’t in the cards for you two to stay together. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with enjoying something for yourself for once.

“I had a good time. It was enchanting to meet you.” You told him sweetly as you approached your front door. You took his cap from your head and spun it a couple times before placing it back on his head, positioning it at the crooked angle he had it at earlier. “Thanks for letting me stand in front of you.”

“Best decision I ever made.” He smiled proudly. He pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles and you couldn’t stop the smile coming to your lips. You reached behind you for the knob and leaned against the wood.

“I don’t really want to go inside.” You chuckled nervously. You knew once you crossed the threshold, you’d lose James.

“I don’t really want to leave either.” He returned your sentiment.

“Promise me something, Handsome.” You tried. You regret the words as soon as they left your lips but it was too late. You already said them.

“Anything you wish.” He replied softly.

“You gotta write me..” You smiled slightly. You didn’t need to keep layering your facade but you really did want to keep contact with James as long as you could. “Whenever you can… Just so I know you won’t forget me.”

“I’d never forget my girl.” He nodded. “But I promise.”

“Your girl, huh?” You teased with a quirk of your brow. “That’s the second time you’ve said that tonight.”

“Yeah.” He said proudly. “My girl.”

“I like the sound of that, actually. As long as I’m the only girl you’re sayin’ that to.” You confessed. “Wait here a minute.”

You stepped through the doorway and grabbed the small notepad and pen you kept on the side table. You wrote the address you were currently at and drew a quick heart. You went back outside and held the paper to James. “So you know where to send the letters.” You winked.

He took the paper slowly, letting his fingers brush over yours. “Good night, Y/N.” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your cheek. You knew your face had instantly turned bright pink.

“Wait.” You said suddenly. “If you’re gonna do it, do it right.”

You put one hand on his shoulder and the other behind his neck. Standing on your toes to meet him halfway, you pulled him in for a real kiss. Your mind was racing, scolding you for giving in but enjoying the sweet moment. His hands found your hips, pulling you that much closer.

You were the one to pull away, slowly and only because you knew the moment couldn’t last. You put your arms around his shoulders tightly and his arms circled around your waist. Everything in your heart was telling you that James was something special, that there would never be a man you connected with like him. But your head overruled your heart and told you to let him go.

“Good night, James.” You said finally, backing away from him. “My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again.”

With that closing sentiment, he headed off. You leaned in your open doorway for a few minutes to watch him go. He turned a couple times and caught your eye, only able to offer a wide grin in return. You saluted him and blew a kiss his way before ducking back inside. After a few moments spent reminiscing on your sweet night with James, you refocused on your assignment.

You sat at your dining table and scribbled your report. You wrote what you had seen, what you concluded, and the rumors you had heard. You quickly folded the paper and tucked it into the usual envelope before rushing to your room.

You pulled the trunk from under your bed and threw it on top. Undoing the clasp, you opened it to your uniform. You traded your skirt and button up blouse for a pair of slim fitted pants and a zipper-front long sleeve top. Both garments were black to blend in with the shadows. You pulled on your usual boots and threw on your hooded cloak.You wiped your face clean of your lipstick and pinned your loose hair out of your way.

You kicked the trunk back to it’s hiding place before grabbing the envelope from the table and leaving. You flipped up your hood and kept your head down as you wandered to your designated meeting place. You tried to keep to side streets and alleyways, hoping to avoid any interactions.

“You’re late.” Your associate commented as you reached the position.

“I’m aware.” You rolled your eyes under your hood as you pulled out the envelope. “I have my report and that’s what matters, isn’t it?”

“The boss won’t appreciate that it’s late.”

“Then I’ll deal with the boss, which isn’t you in case you forgot.” You threw your hood back in annoyance before you waved the envelope. “Do you want this or not? I’m very busy.”

“Who were you with?” He challenged as he snatched the envelope. “You reek of a cheap bar and men’s soap.”

“A soldier I met on assignment.” You shrugged. “He walked me home.”

“You’re going to compromise us all.”

“He’s shipping out in the morning.” You spat quickly, too quickly. “He’ll be dead in no time, most likely.” The words tasted bitter in your mouth but you had to say them, if not to protect James’ identity than to protect yourself.

“You better hope so.”

You prayed for the opposite.

“He won’t even remember me… It’ll be like a fever dream.” You reasoned.

“No.” He shook his head with an amused chuckle. “More like a Nightmare.”

You bit your tongue from commenting on your alias. You didn’t mind being called Nightmare. In fact, you thought it fitting due to your uniform choice and terrifying promise in your organization. But when your associate said it in regards to James, it made your blood boil.

“Hail HYDRA.” Your associate nodded as he tucked the envelope in his jacket.

“Hail HYDRA.” You nodded before throwing your hood back on and heading back to your place.

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

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NIGHTMARE - ONE (BUCKY BARNES)

ONE - DEVIL TOWN

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist // Meet Nightmare

Tags: @writingsbychlo @bangtanxberm @calums-betch @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll @tgirljeep388

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!Reader

Word Count: 7,697

Summary: Small missions lead Y/N quickly through the ranks and she takes her place at the Red Skull’s side. Though she can’t quite get her heart to follow the same path.

You were sitting at your desk when the knock sounded at your door. You were sitting with your cloak across the surface and you were picking apart the seams around the hood. You had found small weights, about the size of a coin but as heavy as five, and decided to sew them into the fabric with the intent of keeping it in place. You pushed the project away and stood, checking the peephole before opening the door so you knew which version of yourself was supposed to answer.

“Next assignment?” You asked as you welcomed your associate inside. There was never a need for pleasantries between you and your associates, though it made every interaction quite impersonal.

“Relatively local.” He nodded as he stepped in, glancing at your bunched fabric where you were working. “Issues with your uniform? You chose that little hood so you don’t have to wear it if it’s giving you problems.”

“No.” You shut the door and stepped around him to continue your work. “Not an issue, per say. Things are going to pick up quickly from here on out. I thought I’d weigh down the hood so I don’t have to keep adjusting it.”

“You truly want to remain a secret?” He asked, an amused smirk playing on his lips. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were ashamed to be with us.”

“Need I remind you, I didn’t exactly choose this life.” You rolled your eyes. “I’d like a normal retirement when the time comes.”

“Is that resentment I hear?” He challenged. “You should be thankful for your opportunity with us. You’ve grown exponentially as an agent since you’ve truly joined our ranks. Imagine where you would’ve ended up without us.”

“I’m thankful I wasn’t left for dead after my parents were killed, yes.” You admitted with a reluctant sigh. “Just tell me why you’re here so you can be on your way. What’s my assignment?”

“Ah, always straight to business.” He shook his head. “Dr. Erskine.”

You let out a disbelieving laugh. “No, seriously.”

“I don’t joke.”

“What about Erskine? You’re telling me he’s trying the serum again after what happened to the boss? No way he’d be so foolish.”

“It seems he’s perfected the formula and has a candidate in mind. A local boy, recently enlisted. Though if you ask me, he seems more so a child than a man.”

“Great.” You shrugged, letting his words go in one ear and out the other. “Leave the folder on the front table. I’ll do my recon and report back when I have something.”

“Some say you know him, this perfect man. They believe you have met him.”

You tensed instantly. Your mind quickly pictured James, his bright smile and hopeful eyes. You heard his voice, imagined the warmth of his hands on your waist and the gentle kiss. You blinked the thoughts away and forced your hands to continue their nimble movements. Sure, he was perfect, but he couldn’t be perfect for Erskine… Could he?

“They?” You finally said, allowing the disbelief to leak into your works. “Whoever they are, they have no idea what they’re talking about. I don’t get out much. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have friends.”

“Of your own design, mind you. No one forced you into this solitary lifestyle.” He responded and you heard the smack of the folder on the wood table. “You’re not allowed to engage Erskine. Find the candidate and procedure date. We’ll send a more trained operative to handle the rest.”

“The boss doesn’t think I can handle an old man like Erskine?” You questioned. “Or is that your stipulation?”

“You’re not in any position to question your instructions. From the boss or from me.”

“I hear he’s working with the Army, him and Howard Stark.” You commented as your associate had reached your door. You turned from your hood to look at him. “Some additional science and design branch. You think I can get close to him on that base? How do you expect me to get on the base at all when American men shove their women into the kitchen and don’t listen to them when they speak?”

“Make a friend on the base then. You could use one.” He shrugged and left.

“If only you knew, I made two.” You mocked him once the door had shut behind him.

With a groan of annoyance, you turned and finished your project. You tucked your hood away in the trunk before opening the folder. It mentioned the serum, Howard Stark’s projected involvement, and a specific military base - Camp Lehigh. You flipped through the pages, looking for something of interest or something that you could use as a real starting point.

You stopped when you found the picture of Erskine. You knew you had seen him before, but it took a moment to figure out where. When the mail came through your slot and you saw the first envelope was from James, you realized where you saw him before. He was at the recruitment center that night, while you were on your Stark recon. When James introduced you to his friend, Steve. You doubted those two incidents overlapping were a coincidence.

In a hurry, you flipped the pages again until you found a few photos from the camp. You scanned the faces looking for someone familiar. No one really stood out until the last two photos. The first was a group doing jumping jacks, practically showcasing the small boy who was struggling. The next was that same tiny frame, hunched over on the ground.

“Oh my god.” You mumbled, your thumb tracing his figure. “Steve Rogers… Why am I not all that surprised?”

You spent the next couple weeks posing as a reporter, claiming to create a series on different military installations and highlighting the true strength of the US Army. You were able to get onto a handful of bases but learned nothing of substance. No one knew of what was going on at Lehigh, or no one wanted to spill.

Finally, you got a lead. You found out when the procedure would take place and where, an underground laboratory in New York. Multiple government officials would be in attendance, as well as HYDRA’s assassin since you sent your report in with just enough time to send someone. You didn’t know if he would strike before the procedure or after. You just wanted Steve to survive, no matter what HYDRA intended.

You trailed the car through the streets that day in your street clothes. From a distance, you saw Steve and a stunning woman enter an old antique store. Your associate was likely already inside, but you couldn’t help but linger. Deep down, you knew you should step in and protect Steve. But you knew you wouldn’t make it out if you went in.

So, as selfish as it was, you left the building and headed to the Pier while you scolded yourself for being a coward and not taking a stand. You knew the submarine was hidden in the waters below, but that’s not what you were there for. You liked to watch the water and forget what was going on.

You liked to forget you were a HYDRA operative. You liked to forget that you were good at it, at spying and lying and the occasional fighting. You liked to forget that your parents were fools and got themselves killed but HYDRA took you in all those years ago. Raised you. Trained you. You had even hoped to forget Steve and James, but that hope was long abandoned.

Their names echoed in your head every day since that fateful night, their faces flashed in your dreams every night. Their voices were what you heard instead of your own sometimes. They had unintentionally burned themselves into the deepest crevices of your brain after that night. And maybe it was because you were so deprived of social interaction that you were desperate to cling to some sense of normalcy, but you didn’t want to lose those memories. They gave you hope for a life outside of HYDRA, but you’d likely never be able to tell them that, to thank them for that.

From your side, the sub began surfacing. You glanced over as he jumped in and dropped beneath the surface. You shrugged to yourself, as if to say good riddance and he wasn’t your problem. The sooner that mission was over, the sooner you could find a way out, and the sooner you could live a normal, domestic life as Y/N. As you were turning back to the water, you saw someone dive after him.

You watched in interest. That had to have been Steve, but he definitely wasn’t built like Steve. Clearly, Erskine had been successful. But judging by the pursuit, your associate was as well to some degree. You hurried to the edge to try to see what was happening, but they were too far. All you could see was a bubble trail from the sub.

Suddenly, your associate came flying over the edge and knocked you over. He landed on top of you and you felt your clothes getting soaked. You heard the water sloshing and hands hitting the metal ladder.

“Get off of me.” You groaned, trying to push him off but the flailing of his own limbs made it more difficult than it should’ve been. His shoes were slipping from the water while he tried to escape and his soaked clothes seemed to stick to each other, making it near impossible for you to grab any of it. “Pop that damn capsule before you expose us all.”

“How do you know?” He muttered before he was yanked off you and you breathed a small sigh of relief.

You heard a glass shatter and turned to see the vial of serum in pieces at your side. You cursed silently and secretly slammed a fist to the ground when you saw all that effort was for nothing. You heard the man’s final “Hail HYDRA” and turned your attention up to them.

“Thank you.” You faked heavy breaths to come off as relieved and slowly pushed yourself to your feet. You shivered honestly, growing cold from your now wet clothes. “Who- who are you?”

He turned to face you and there was no denying. It was Steve Rogers.

“Y/N?” He asked in surprise, his eyes squinted as he examined your features.

“Oh my god.” You smiled in honest delight. “Steve!”

“Y/N!” He laughed in surprise.

You giggled in excitement and hurried to hug him. You were grateful that he had survived the serum, but partially regretted that it was him. You knew soon, he’d be your most formidable enemy. But for now, he was a memory of a simpler night. For now, he was just your friend.

“You’re… taller.” You laughed nervously when you pulled away. “And broader, wow.” Admittedly, you were impressed with his new physique. “What happened to the skinny kid with asthma?”

“He’s still here.” He laughed as he gestured to himself. “Somewhere.”

“So that’s what the Army does to you then? I can see why James didn’t want you to enlist.. Now you’ll have to protect him.”

“Don’t tell that to Buck.” He joked.

“How is he, by the way?” You regretted the question once it left your mouth. “James..”

“On the front lines, I assume.” He shrugged, almost sadly. “When was the last you heard from him?”

“Last letter I got was a few weeks ago.” You nodded slowly. “Time wasn’t in our favor, it seems.. But I’m sure you’ll run into him soon enough…”

“Yeah, yeah. Probably.” You knew the words were meant to comfort you, but it seemed like he needed it too. “Are you okay? That guy didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Oh, no.” You dismissed his concerns with a wave of your hand. “Just some wet clothes. Which I’m going to get home and change out of before I catch my death.”

“Right, yeah.” He nodded. “I’d offer you a jacket but I don’t have one and it would just be… wet anyway. Did uh- did you want me to walk you home?”

“I’m a big girl, Steve.” You smiled playfully, flexing your arm slightly. “I’ll be alright.. Besides, you seem to be missing your shoes.” You pointed down to his bare feet. “And I’m sure you have other commitments. Maybe I’ll see you around. Oh! And give James my love when you see him.”

“See you around.”

You hurried home. Your mind was racing. Steve was Erskine’s perfect man and it didn’t surprise you. Though you knew very little of Steve, you didn’t need to know everything to recognize he had a heart of gold. The normal part of you was proud of Steve and in another life, you’d be able to truly show it.

But in your current lifetime, you were disappointed. You were disappointed in where your path was headed. Likely, you were now on a collision course with Steve Rogers and there were no brakes to slow or stop it.

By the time you got back to your apartment, you felt soaked to your bones as your teeth mildly chattered. You quickly moved across the porch, one of your associates already waiting for you. His shadowed figure nearly gave you a heart attack when he moved.

“You’re wet.” He said simply as you invited him in behind you.

“Yes, I can thank your ‘more trained operative’ for that.” You replied with an eye roll. “Erskine is dead, I assume.”

“But the soldier was made.” He answered regretfully.

“Yes, I saw and the one you sent to end it is also dead. He popped the cyanide before the soldier could get anything from him.” You nodded, shutting your door most of the way while you changed. “Why are you here?”

“You’re wanted by the boss.”

Your body froze. You were sure he had somehow found out you knew Steve. He found out about James. He knew you were questioning things, challenging things. He was going to kill you, make an example of you.

“What did I do wrong?” You asked fearfully. Not much could scare you but you knew the boss had eliminated operatives more useful than you. “I thought I executed everything to near perfection throughout my entire career. My record is exceptional, is it not?”

“Nothing wrong, little Nightmare.” The tension melted so you finished pulling on fresh clothes, though you didn’t fully believe him. HYDRA had trained liars other than you. “From what I gather, he thinks you can serve HYDRA better if you’re more involved in the fight. I suppose he’s considered your parents’ contributions and hopes you’ll follow their footsteps. Given your past training records and exceptional performance, it was only a matter of time.”

“If he intends for more combat situations, I’d like to make requests for my uniform. The look I have now, I like it, but it won’t last long in a fight.” You came out of your room and pulled your design notebook from your front table. “I’ve taken the liberty of adding all the needed measurements and even sketched the patterns. The armory only has to cut and sew.”

You opened the book and flipped to the page with the face mask. “I’d like a face mask, molded to fit me and only me. Preferably with magnets on the edges so I don’t have to worry about losing it. Unless the armory can come up with a better idea to keep it in place.”

The next page.

“A higher neckline on my top with magnetic boning for the magnets on the mask to connect to.”

The next page.

“A more functional belt and holsters. I can fashion my own equipment to fill the belt once I’m there.”

“I’m sure the results will be better if they can see what your vision is. Can I bring these to the armory?” He asked, leaning to see your designs better. “But I have to ask about this hidden identity thing… Why are you so secretive? It’s all very tedious, is it not?”

“How can I be Nightmare if everyone recognizes my face?” You countered simply. “Anonymity will allow me to do more and will leave a larger mark. Secrecy will be my greatest ally.”

“You were born for this, for us.” He said proudly as you slid the notebook towards him.

“Born, bred, and raised.” You quoted what your parents would tell you as you grew up and nodded respectfully before he reached for the door. “It’s quite literally in my blood… All I’ve ever known.”

“Transport will be here for you before noon.” He said simply before walking out. “Take only what you can carry. Everything else will be provided.”

You sighed slightly and headed back to your room. You quickly packed a small bag of clothes and tossed it to your bed. You went to the trunk under your bed and pulled it out carefully. You opened it and pulled your uniform out, tossing it to the bed as well. You gently lifted the envelopes and leaned against your bed while you read one of the more recent letters again.

“hows my girl doing? im not doing too bad over here. i look forward to you writing me back every time i send you these :) i gotta say im not sure when ill be able to send you another one after this. its getting a little crazy on this side of things but know that im coming back to you. i miss you. im counting the days till we go dancing again. forever yours, bucky barnes”

You closed your eyes and let your head fall back against your bed. You dropped the letter back in the trunk with the others and sighed heavily.

You didn’t know it was possible to miss someone that much. Especially someone you didn’t really know. But something about James just felt right. And seeing Steve earlier, it made that hole in your chest ache. It made the ghost of sparks travel across your nerves.

James was the only person you met - on or off assignment - that seemed to actually see you. It was so easy with him. And Steve seemed the same way. Both were so welcoming and accepting, but you hated that you had to lie to them.

But that was the life you were given.

You put your uniform back in the trunk and shoved it away. You dropped your other bag of clothes to the side and laid on your bed, hoping to sleep the thoughts away.

The next day, you met with the associate responsible for transport and headed overseas. Once you reached the HYDRA outpost, you were thankful to ditch the skirt you had to wear in the States.

You opted for your dark colored pants, fitted and tucked into your knee height boots. Your shirt was tucked into your waist and secured with your belt. You wore your short jacket and kept it fully buttoned. Your hair was neatly braided and pinned out of your way. Most of the time you opted against your hat and no one seemed to mind. Either that or no one had the stomach to say something about it.

“Little Y/N!” Schmidt greeted excitedly. “It’s so good to finally meet you. You were our most reliable operative in the States, which is no surprise given your parents’ reputation.”

You nodded respectfully. “Thank you, Sir. It’s an honor to be here and an honor to be compared to my parents.”

“And I’ve seen your uniform ideas.” He nodded with an impressed smirk. “I think they’ll fit you well in your new role.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, Sir, what will my new role be?”

“I believe it is time to take your training up a notch.” He wagged his finger as he spoke. “Your talents are- are wasted as a simple spy! No, you should be fighting for HYDRA. The driving force of our conquest, don’t you think?”

“That all sounds very exciting.” You nodded along. “I’ve been itching to be more involved if I’m being honest. Espionage has its delights but I would like to do more, yes.”

“How would you feel about a combatant role?”

“Honestly, I would love it.” You smiled slightly. “I think I was born for it.”

You had always wanted to be the one to engage in the fight, not just relay information. You were a good intelligence operative, arguably one of the best on the current roster. But you always had a feeling you could do more. And getting away from the memory of your boys would do you some good, especially if you had the opportunity to punch it out.

“Perfect!” He exclaimed. “I think it’d suit you beautifully. There’s a certain… fire in you. You know, I worked with your parents in our youth before their accident. And I must say, I’ve never seen promise quite like yours, little Nightmare. You’ll make all of us very proud in your new role.”

You spent the next few weeks training with the better combatants. You learned the techniques easily. Though it was rigorous and your muscles ached and burned a little more everyday, it was nice to be doing something other than gathering information. Plus, it kept you distracted from the looming idea that you’d run into James and Steve in the coming days. You spent your off days in the armory, assisting with bringing your designs to life. You needed to keep your hands and your head working.

Most of your requests were well on their way by the time you arrived. The material for your new top was still being debated, but you brought your hood and suggested it match that material. It was a lightweight and breathable ballistic material that was also fireproof.

They completed your holsters and added more pouches to your belt. They even upgraded your boots to be more supportive in your ankles and quieter as you stepped. You also lined the side seams of your hood with the same magnets in your top to keep your mask more secured.

You truly embodied what you imagined the alias of Nightmare to be. Dark, quick, and deadly. It was easy to forget Y/N in your new outfit, to embody Nightmare and truly create her persona.

When you got word that there was a force being sent to Azzano, you were quickly offered one of the first spots. You were excited to try out your new pieces in the field. You had a gun at your hip, two blades in the front of your thigh. You had a secondary gun in a holster under your arm, a few small explosives in your belt as well.

Once you had captured what wasn’t killed from the US unit, you were in charge of securing the prisoners. You had pushed the soldiers into the cages, save for the one that had been transferred to a special room before you took over.

“One of these days, I’ll have a stick of my own.” One of the soldiers threatened and you pushed him into the cage.

“Pray for a miracle then.” You said simply, slamming the door shut. You watched his eyes go wide once you spoke and realized you were a girl. “You’ll need it.”

You had been looking for Dr. Zola when you heard the screams. A pained exclamation of a man who you suspected didn’t deserve it. You repositioned your mask to your face and drew your hood before you stepped into the room.

“Who do we have here?” You asked simply, your voice muffled behind the mask.

“An officer from the 107th.” Your colleague explained. Your chest tightened aggressively and you felt like you would throw up once the knot spread to your stomach. “He had the most promise of the lot.”

“May I?” You asked, gesturing to the man on the table. They nodded and you stepped closer, examining his facial features.

He was muttering to himself with his eyes closed. Despite that, the curve of his lips and angle of his jaw was hard to ignore. Your eyes scanned his figure and saw a torn name tag on his chest that matched the ones around his neck.

BARNES

“What are you doing with him?” You asked, attempting to keep a neutral tone. You were thankful you had added the mask to your ensemble, being that it could hide the disgust that was on your face. “Will you kill him?”

“I’m afraid we cannot tell you that, little Nightmare.”

“I understand.” You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your fingers discreetly ran down his arm and paused at his hand, wanting to give a gentle squeeze. You thought the better of it and pulled your hand away, knowing that was a road you couldn’t afford to travel, not now. “Can you tell me where Dr. Zola is?”

It was days before any action happened. You had quickly become Schmidt’s right hand in that short amount of time. You weren’t even trying, but you were a natural. And you hated yourself for it at times.

Seemingly, a single man had broken through the barrier. It seemed impossible, being that your outpost was thirty miles deep and heavily guarded, but your gut told you who it was. It could only be one man. The only man that the Red Skull was interested in, the only man he saw as a threat.

“What is happening?” Schmidt asked, watching the event unfold on a small screen.

“The American super soldier.” You mumbled, pressing your mask to your face. It had become very much an instinct since you began using it, to hide behind the molded metal and slip into your persona. “How did he get in?”

“Nightmare?” He said as he flipped the timer switches.

“Yes?”

“Stop him.” He instructed. He reached over and held your chin gently. You bit your tongue to maintain your neutral expression and avoid saying something you would regret. “Find us when it’s done. We have big plans for you after this.”

You nodded silently and yanked your hood on quickly. You ran through the narrow halls, knowing if the prisoners were released, Steve knew of the isolation ward. He would be looking for James. This might be your last chance to do the right thing before everything would be out of your hands.

You had intercepted Steve at the hall that led to James. You nodded for him to follow you to his room and you had to pray he wouldn’t fight you. When you entered, you heard James groaning. You weren’t sure if he was in pain still, but it made your stomach flip either way.

“My dear James…” You whispered. “I never wanted this… I had no idea.”

He was staring blankly at the ceiling when you moved to his side. You gently placed a gloved hand against his cheek and sighed regretfully. You wished you could’ve stopped whatever HYDRA did to him but there was no time to dwell.

Steve burst in quickly and you put your hands up in surrender almost instantly. You wanted to remove your mask and hood, but you knew better. Your anonymity was for a reason. If Steve or James saw who you truly were, they’d never forgive you. And then you’d have nothing left…

“You came for him, didn’t you?” You said simply, stepping away for Steve to get closer. “He’s what this has all been about, though it is impressive that you did it all on your own.”

“How did you know?” Steve asked carefully. “Who are you?”

“I can’t tell you that.” You confessed. “Take him… Please. Before Schmidt finds us all.”

“Bucky?” Steve said quickly, desperately. “Oh my god… What did you do to him?”

“They wouldn’t tell me… And rightfully so. Just believe me when I say that I never wanted him to get hurt. I didn’t know until it was too late. Steve, please.”

“Steve?” James asked. You would’ve given anything to hear him say your name.

“It’s me.” Steve’s focus changed. “Come on… I thought you were dead.”

“I thought you were smaller.”

You smiled fondly under your mask. You remembered your similar reaction to Steve’s new build.

“You have to get out of here. There’s not much time before this whole place goes up in smoke.” You spoke from the doorway. “And you can’t tell anyone I didn’t stop you.”

“Why?” Steve asked as he helped James out the room. “Why would you help us?”

You stepped into the hallway and turned the opposite direction from them.

“No one will believe you.. Nightmare doesn’t do the right thing, but the girl beneath it all does. Just remember that, no matter what happens.” You said too much. “Now go!”

Once they were out of sight, you knew Schmidt wouldn’t believe that there wasn’t a fight. You let out a heavy, regretful sigh and slammed your forehead against the brick wall which drew a sharp yelp. You groaned in pain and hit one more time, feeling the skin split and the blood leak down your face and the tears welling in your eyes. You leaned heavily against the wall until you shook the vertigo and then ran to find Schmidt and Zola.

The explosions began going off as you approached your superior and they shook the floor underneath you. He lifted the edge of your hood and clicked his tongue at the trail of blood.

You knew your eyes reflected an angry fire. Schmidt would likely believe it was directed at Steve for your apparent injury. But it was directed at him, for ordering whatever torture HYDRA concocted for James. For pulling James - the only person you truly cared about - into something he didn’t deserve. It all felt very purposeful, as if Schmidt wanted to get some sort of reaction out of you. But you couldn’t grasp how he would know of your night with James since you were very careful to not say his name out loud.

“Captain America.” He announced as Steve was on the other side. You stood beside him, your hood now discarded but mask in place. You were silently pleading that the magnets would hold steady. You couldn’t afford to be exposed right now. “How exciting. I am a great fan of your films! I assume you’ve met my little Nightmare. Isn’t she a delight?”

You lifted your head slightly, offering no verbal response. You didn’t acknowledge the steady blood trail and it leaked over your mask and dripped to your cloak.

“Isn’t she wonderfully terrifying?” He smiled proudly at you. “My crowning achievement is her, quite frankly, and she will only get better from here.”

You nodded in thanks before he turned back to Steve.

“Dr. Erskine managed it after all…” He continued. “Not really an improvement-“ He told you over his shoulder as he crossed the distance between the two. He turned back to Steve. “-but still, impressive.”

Your eyes were stuck on James. It was so different from the last time you had seen him. His eyes were bright and hopeful that night, but now clouded with pain and fear. He seemed physically weaker, likely drained from whatever he had been through and still fighting that influence. His eyes met yours and you swore you saw curiosity and maybe even recognition flash across his features. His words played back in your head and felt like a hot poker in your chest.

“You think I can forget how those eyes look at me?”

You wondered if he knew. But the mask, the distance, the blood, and the inconsistent lighting had to conceal enough of your identity. It had to. You chalked any recognition up to the time when you visited when he was first separated. You figured a girl in a hood and a mask wasn’t exactly something that slipped the mind.

You flipped your hood up before you followed Zola and Schmidt behind the metal doors of the elevator without a word. Your stomach was doing flips, your mind racing. If James figured you out, all of your efforts would be a waste. If he knew you were Nightmare, it wouldn’t matter what disguise you wore. You’d lose him before you really had him.

Schmidt left you and Zola with the key to his car while he took his own way. You sighed to yourself when the doors shut again.

“Doctor?” You finally said. Your mouth still felt dry, but there was a question burning in your mind. You pulled your hood back slowly.

“Yes, Nightmare?”

“Schmidt said there were big plans for me…” You gently wiped the blood from your forehead, containing your wince to a slight hiss at the contact. “What did he mean?”

“You will be the one to bring down Captain America.” He said, almost in awe. “And we have something for you to even the odds.”

“How… exciting.” You sighed inwardly.

On the US side of the fight, Steve returned to a warm welcome with the rest of the 107th.

“Told you.” Bucky beamed as his friend came back. “They’re all idiots.”

“What about you?” Steve asked. “Ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

“Hell no.. The little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run from a fight, I’m following him.”

A minute of silence passed while the boys took a drink from their beer bottles.

“God, you know what I can’t stop thinking about?” Steve said with a shake of his head. He tried to keep it to himself but the thought was playing consistently in his mind and he had to get it out.

Bucky hummed in response.

“The girl with the hood and the mask.. It was like she knew us.” Steve continued.

“You didn’t see her eyes…” Bucky commented. Not looking at his friend, but staring at the bar top instead while he thought back to the mysterious girl. “She seemed so… familiar.”

“She was more worried about you getting out. Think you met her before?”

“Yeah.. I think- I think she came to see me once when I got separated..”

“Why would she be worried about you?” Steve paused. “No offense.”

Bucky chuckled. “Something about her.. Did she have a name or say anything?”

“She just said that we couldn't tell anyone cause no one would believe us… And she said something about a nightmare doesn’t do the right thing...”

“But the girl underneath does…” Bucky finished.

“I don’t get what a nightmare has to do with it. What does it mean?”

“That’s what she’s called, Nightmare.” Bucky realized. “She called herself that. Schmidt called her that. And one of the other soldiers called her that..”

“How about we talk about a different girl?” Steve smiled slightly. He could tell the Nightmare conversation wasn’t exactly what Bucky wanted to participate in. “Y/N.”

Bucky smiled widely and a light pink tinted his cheeks. “Y/N…” Her name rolled off his tongue so naturally, as if her name was only ever meant for him to say. “You heard from her?”

“I saw her before I came over here to save your ass.” Steve said fondly, remembering the last interaction with his new friend. “She asked about you.”

“Yeah?” He asked in amusement. “What’d you tell her?”

“Only the good stuff.. She sends her love. It’s like she misses you or something.”

“God, a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t think about her since I left her…”

“You really like her, don’t you?” Steve teased.

“I miss her…” Bucky nodded. “If I could just hear her voice again.”

The singing in the bar died as Peggy walked through to Steve. They flirted for a few minutes before she left again, seemingly only coming in to relay a small message to Steve.

“Rub it in, why don’t you?” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“You’ll get back to her, Buck.” He patted his friend on the back with a proud smile.

Meanwhile, you were continuing your training. You had gotten stronger as Steve and his team made their way closer and closer. You had received a series of injections with the promise that it would level the playing ground. You were promised more information once they knew your body wouldn’t shut down and that made you regret your involvement in the trial.

You wouldn’t run into Steve or James again until that fateful day on the train. You knew it was coming but you had no idea what would happen when the time finally came.

You were the first to hear them land and quickly snuck off. You secured your mask with one hand and pulled on your hood with the other, all in one swift motion as you crept through the cars. When they were separated, you closed the doors and locked yourself in the car with James.

It took all of your control to not remove your disguise and try to explain everything. You didn’t think he would listen if you tried. His gun was aimed firmly at your chest. You kept your breathing even, not allowing any sort of reaction.

“Sergeant Barnes… You look better than the last time I saw you.” You said flatly, walking against the opposite wall of the car. You had to constantly remind yourself that it wasn’t Y/N he was speaking to, but Nightmare. You would have to try to not take any of his words to heart.

“You look the same.” James said simply. You chuckled in mild amusement. “Why did you help us?”

“To get to right here, I suppose.”

“I think you’re lying.”

“I don’t quite care.”

“You came to see me… Why?”

Your mind instantly answered because you missed him. Because you felt drawn to his room before you even knew he was in it.

“You stood out. I wanted to see why.” You swallowed your hesitation. “I saw nothing special.. But what do you see, Sergeant, when you see me?”

“A girl afraid to show her face.” He answered simply. “Who can’t own up to what she’s done.”

“I’m not a coward, if that’s what you see.” You scoffed.

“Who are you then?”

“Most call me Nightmare.”

“And the rest?”

“They’re dead before they can ask. Consider yourself lucky.”

The next events unraveled so fast, you couldn’t stop them. Steve came back and knocked you on your back. A blast came from the next car and left a massive hole in the car. The next blast sent James tumbling through the opening.

“No.” You whispered desperately, throwing your hood back and running to the hole. Steve was already climbing the ruins, trying to save his friend. All you could do was watch. There was nothing you could do, no sort of help you could offer. You were useless as he plummeted further and further away from you.

You would never forget the way he screamed.

You hid yourself in the last car, waiting for a chance to bail. You were crouched in a corner with your hood drawn low. You were careful to make no sounds as the cries left you, careful not to reveal your hiding place. The tears were hot, a stark contrast to the coldness of your skin from leaning into the wind.

You couldn’t believe you had watched him tumble to his death. You couldn’t save him… He wouldn’t be coming back to you. You screamed silently, an open mouth cry that you didn’t allow to make a sound other than a strangled whine. You lost the only thing that kept you from losing yourself, that prospect of a normal life with James was the light at the end of your tunnel.

Now that light was gone. Your reason to fight, to hold on to your heart, was gone.

All you could do now was get off the train before the Captain and his unit captured you as well. You wiped your eyes and cheeks before pushing yourself back to your feet. Zola would be caught by now, but you had to worry about yourself.

You pressed the button to open the door and watched the tracks below. The train was still moving at top speed and didn’t seem likely to slow. With a regretful sigh, you jumped. You tucked your arms to your chest and continued to roll across the tracks until your momentum finally stopped and you were laying face down on the tracks.

“Son of a bitch!” You groaned as you sat up on your knees. Your body ached but you were impressed your mask had held strong. You were dusting the gravel and snow from your uniform when you saw Steve looking at you from the open doorway.

You lazily saluted him before sprinting the other direction. You hid out behind one of the larger rocks for a few minutes, waiting to see if Steve or one of the others would come after you. When no one did, you removed your mask and took a deep breath of cold air.

You went to the side of the tracks and peered over the edge. It sure was a long way to fall. You closed your eyes and sighed heavily. You felt your body teeter forward and waited, considering the drop. You decided against it and sat back, dangling your feet over the edge instead.

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” You said honestly. You didn’t know if you were speaking your thoughts or if you were talking to your fallen admirer. “I’m so sorry, James. I wish I could’ve done something to save you… I don’t know how but I’ll try and make this right.”

Days later, you were inside your outpost. The main door blew open and you quickly dawned your mask and hood before leaving. By the time you stepped outside, Steve was cornered by two of HYDRA’s flamethrowers. You walked under the flames and dropped your hood.

“Good to see you, Captain.” You nodded slightly. “Grab him.”

You turned and led him to Schmidt. You stood off to the side while the two talked. You didn’t quite care what they were saying. You just had to make sure Steve made it out alive. You couldn’t save James, but maybe you could help Steve.

You had to turn your head when Schmidt brought Steve to his knees. But Steve was wrong to think he was ordinary… There was something special about him. He was truly good, not a perfect soldier but a perfect man.

Schmidt raised his gun to Steve’s head and you quickly tensed, ready to react. You reached for one of the blades at your thigh and was going to aim for Schmidt’s wrist. With enough force, you could sever the veins and see the blade come out the other side. Before you could move, you caught the sight of Steve’s colleagues heading towards the window.

“Get down.” You announced and dropped to your knees, throwing an arm over your head. By the time you looked up, Schmidt was gone. Steve was heading out the room too.

You had to hurry.

You ducked under the swinging barrels of the US soldiers’ gun, knocking their feet from under them as you passed. They grunted and groaned but you paid them no mind.

You found Steve in the hall and grabbed his wrist.

“I can tell you where he went.” You said quickly. Steve stared at you for a moment before nodding. “This way.”

“If you’re really HYDRA, why are you helping me?” Steve asked quietly. You watched your corners before you turned, checking for any of HYDRA’s soldiers.

“I’m sorry about your friend.” You said honestly. You cleared your throat to clear the lump forming. “He seemed a good man.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” He grabbed your forearm and stopped in front of you. “Why do you care so much about Bucky?”

“Head down this hallway and find the biggest aircraft. He has multiple bombs and suicide pilots on board, along with the Cube.” You explained instead, yanking your arm free. “If you don’t hurry, you’ll be too late… Again. You have to stop him, Captain.”

You hurried down the hall in the opposite direction. You took down small groups of American soldiers with ease as you passed by. It was easy enough to maintain compliance when the bigger plan was still so far away. But now it was nearly complete. All you could do was trust that Steve could stop him. And if Steve could succeed, you could fake your death on that aircraft and get out before your hands were stained with blood you didn’t want to spill.

You wouldn’t find out till long after what had happened. You couldn’t save either of them. You had nothing left to fight for and you were left with nowhere to go but to stay put, to stay with HYDRA.

On Steve’s end, stopping Schmidt was exactly what he did. Schmidt was dead and now he had to land the plane before it reached New York. He spoke to Peggy while he planned to put the plane in the water.

“There’s a friend of mine, Y/N Cervantes.” He began sadly. “I need you to find her, let her know what happened to me and to Bucky… She’s waiting for him to come back.”

“She’ll be proud of you.” The pain in her voice was obvious.

“And I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.” He tried as he forced the plane down.

“Alright.” She paused, hoping to gather her composure. “A week, next Saturday at the Stork Club.”

“You got it.”

“8 o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?”

“Yknow, I still don’t know how to dance.”

“I’ll show you how… Just be there.”

The line cut out in the middle of Steve’s sentence. Peggy knew he was gone. But what she didn’t know was that there would be no trace of Y/N Cervantes anywhere in New York. She never really existed.

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - FIVE (BUCKY BARNES)

FIVE - SOMEBODY THAT YOU USED TO KNOW

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @calums-betch @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll @bangtanxberm @tgirljeep388 @spideysimpossiblegirl

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 10,983

Summary: She thought she could retire the mask and be done, but when she’s framed for a blatantly amateur attack, she has to put it back on and clear her name. Can she keep her friends in the process?

Notes/Warnings: sorry it’s late! i’ve been so tired lately! anyway, blood mention, language, and violence. also, i wanna develop her backstory a lil more so send asks about her

About a year later, you had made little progress on your quest to find James Barnes. You had been calling in favors and asking the right people but almost every net you cast came up empty.

“Yeah, he was here but we haven’t seen him in months.”

“No, he’s not familiar.”

“I’ve never heard that name before, sorry.”

“I’ve been wondering where he went myself. He just disappeared one day.”

The best lead you had was ‘somewhere in Romania’ and that was just what a girl who had a homegrown fruit stand said she overheard. You thought about whether or not it would be better to leave him alone, to not find him. Maybe that’s what the universe was trying to tell you. After all, you had a hand in what would be the worst chapter of his life. You were considering giving up if your current lead took you nowhere.

Maybe James really didn’t want to be found.

You stopped off in London once you heard about the funeral from Sam, and he only told you because he knew Steve would need another friend. You stood off in the back, not feeling it was right to push to the front to be with Steve - even though he was the only reason you were there. You just wanted to check on him but since you didn’t know Peggy Carter personally, it would’ve been wrong to claim a front row spot. After the funeral, you found him still in the Cathedral even though everyone else had left.

“I thought I’d find you here.” You said gently as you approached him and placed a comforting hand on arm. “You okay?”

“When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I knew was gone.” He said simply. “And then I found out she was alive. I was just lucky to have her.”

“She had you back too.” You offered. “Come here.” You smiled softly, moving in to hug your friend.

“What are you doing here?” He asked with a thankful smile while you pulled away. “I thought you were looking for Bucky.”

“Yeah, I’m on my way to chase down a lead but to be honest, I don’t know how reliable it is. At this point, I feel like I’m just grasping at straws.” You said regretfully. You wished you had better news for him. “I'm not sure if I should keep going though. I owe it to him, I know. But it’s like he knows someone is looking and he’s slipping through my fingers…I had to make a stop to check on a friend before that though. And it looks like someone else had the same idea.” You smiled as Natasha joined you.

“Who else signed?” Steve asked after a small pause. He assumed she was here on business and that made you a bit sad. They were closer friends than that, weren’t they?

“Tony, Rhodey, Vision.” Natasha answered.

“Clint?”

“Says he’s retired.”

“Maximoffs?”

You frowned. What had you missed that had everyone so divided?

“TBD.. I’m off to Vienna for the signing of the Accords. There’s plenty of room on the jet, for both of you.” She turned to you with a pointed look.

“Oh no.” You shook your head quickly. “I won’t be at someone else’s disposal, not until I fix what HYDRA did to my head. People have agendas and those change. Plus, I have no idea what’s going on. I’m sorry..”

“You don’t have to apologize, Y/N.” Steve said gently, patting your arm.

“Just because it’s the path of least resistance doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path.” Natasha continued. “Staying together is more important than how we stay together..”

“But what are we giving up to do it?” He countered sadly.

“I’ve been in that boat, y’know.” You jumped in. “Trying to stay together, not concerning myself with how I stayed with them… The ends don’t always justify the means.”

Steve sighed and shook his head, looking at his friend with a sorrowful expression. “I’m sorry, Nat. I can’t sign it.”

“I know.” She nodded.

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t want you to be alone.” She said softly before pulling him in for a hug.

You slipped away during that interaction. You were glad Steve had someone else to check on him, so you left him in Natasha’s care and went back to your chase while making a mental note to look into the Accords situation after. If you had known how out of control the rest of the day would get, you probably would’ve stayed with Steve. Granted, you probably would’ve ended up in the same place, but you’d be wearing a different suit.

You hadn’t even boarded the train when you saw the news. The United Nations in Vienna was bombed. King T’Chaka of Wakanda was dead. Nightmare and the Winter Soldier were being blamed.

Your mind was reeling as you boarded your ride. There was no one looking at you or even concerning themselves with you, so why did you feel like you would be arrested?

Why was your heart racing?

Was that guy staring at you?

Why were your palms sweating?

Did you zip your bag all the way? What if someone saw your mask?

But you hadn’t done it. And you knew James wouldn’t have. There was no reason to be so tense. No one was looking.

When you finally reached your destination, the first thing you did was call Steve.

“He didn’t do it.” You said as soon as he answered. “Neither did she. You have to know that, Steve.”

“Did you find him?”

“Not yet.” You began and headed down the streets to the hotel you booked. It was local, small, partially secluded. Good thing too, easier to bring Nightmare out. “They’re not letting a lot of trains in or out right now.” You lied.

“Maybe you should wait a little while then. I would hate for you to get mixed up in all this and get hurt. It’s gonna get messy.”

“Steve, I’m a big girl. You’re talking like we didn’t fight together in Sokovia.”

“If he’s this far gone, I should be the one to bring him in.”

“He’s not gone.” You nearly pleaded. “Please, you know him better than anyone. And what if I could get through to him too?”

“It’s gotta be me, Y/N.”

“You know she’s gonna be there too.” You tried to warn him. It seemed like a terrible time to tell him that you would be there, so that reveal would have to wait a little while longer. But maybe if you could get him to agree to meet with you before he tried to find James, Nightmare would keep her distance. “She’s not gonna let her name get tarnished and make her look so amateur. She takes pride in her work… You sure you don’t want me to come?”

“I’m counting on her being there. She worked with Buck for a long time. She’ll want to help him too.”

“She’s selfish. She’ll only care about her image and her reputation.”

“If we can clear Bucky, it’ll clear her name too. I think I can get through to her.”

“You sure about that?” You challenged slightly.

“I have to try.”

“Just be careful.” You sighed. “I can’t lose you guys again.”

“She’s had plenty of chances to hurt me.” He chuckled. “I don’t think she’s the person HYDRA made her to be, not anymore.”

“Keep me updated, please. And don’t do anything stupid.”

“Stay safe.”

You quickly checked into your hotel and once you entered the room, you dug through your duffel to find the familiar uniform. You laid it out on the bed and hesitated, staring intently at the fabric. It felt so foreign but so familiar at the same time. So inappropriate but so natural. Wrong but also so right.

That’s what happens when you practically lived in that suit for decades.

The dark blue top with plated forearms. The black pants with reinforced knees. The red belt with the HYDRA emblem. The dark grey boots. The black and grey gloves. The dark grey hood. The black mask.

You pulled one of the knives and used it to pry off the HYDRA emblem before snapping it between your hands. You left the space open, as if to symbolize that you didn’t need to fill the space that HYDRA took up in your life. You added some of the new equipment you had made with Tony Stark before Ultron to your belt. You considered using the new cloak and the connectable staff with concealed blades, but those would be too much of a dead giveaway to Steve.

Truthfully, the only reason you had your old uniform with you was because you planned on telling James the truth when you found him. There was a lot of doubt in your mind. Whether he would believe you to be Nightmare,. Whether he would remember you as Y/N. Whether he would even want to see you again. You had to push the doubts to the back of your head and focus on the task at hand.

Find James. Get him somewhere safe. Find out who bombed the UN. Clear your names. Tell him and Steve the truth.

Easy… Right?

You quickly changed clothes, pulled your hair back, and snuck out the window and down to the alleyway. You pulled up the hood and dawned your mask before heading out. Keeping to the shadows and alleys, you made your way across the city to where you had heard James would be. But Steve had beat you there.

“Captain.” You greeted as you pushed your hood back.

“Nightmare.” He nodded. “She told me you’d be here.”

“Yes, I heard all about Y/N’s escapades as an Avenger. I’m glad she got the chance to do something good. She deserved that. She was always the better one between us.” You nodded. Your eyes scanned the room for any sign of James. You landed on a notebook on top of the fridge. “Y’know, I wasn’t sure if you survived that day after the helicarriers went down… Until I saw you on the news, of course. Busting HYDRA bases one at a time.”

“I thought you would’ve retired. I heard you wanted the simple life.”

“I tried.” You nodded. “Someone’s trying to use my name and I worked too hard to create this image to have someone drag it through the mud... Captain, would you believe me if I told you that I didn’t do it?”

“I believe you.”

You flipped the pages as he came to look over your shoulder. He didn’t seem afraid of you, as if he knew who you were under the mask. Surprisingly, the idea of that didn’t seem to bother you since it’d be one less confession and it wasn’t as if he was holding it against you. You read through James’ notes, figuring out it was memories, bits and pieces that came back during his time alone. You saw Nightmare written multiple question marks.

The next couple pages were about Y/N and Steve. There was a picture cut out of each of you and one of you two fighting together in Sokovia. You saw small notes written beside your picture but the writing was too rushed for you to make out. You couldn’t help but smile softly.

“Understood.” He said suddenly.

“What?”

“German Special Forces incoming.” He explained.

“Damn it.” You mumbled. “And here I was thinking it would be in and out.”

You glanced around and met James’ eyes. You hadn’t even heard him. You handed Steve the journal and took a couple tentative steps forward.

“Long time no see.” You said carefully, drawing Steve’s attention. “Do you remember me?”

“Nightmare.” He nodded. “We were partners.”

“Do you know me?” Steve asked.

“You’re Steve.” James answered and you felt relief in your chest. “I read about you in a museum.”

“I know you’re nervous.” You continued, moving in closer. “There’s plenty reason to be, but I know you’re lying, James.”

“I wasn’t in Vienna. I don’t do that anymore” He turned to you. “You know that.”

“That’s why I’m here.” You nodded. “I wasn’t there either.”

“The people who think you two did are coming here now.” Steve warned. “They’re not gonna take you alive.”

“That’s smart.” James said flatly. “Good strategy.”

“I wouldn’t want to take us alive either.” You agreed.

“This doesn’t have to end in a fight.” Steve offered. You could tell his offer was genuine, but you also knew he was wrong.

“It always ends in a fight.” James sighed. He was so tired of it and you couldn’t blame him. You knew exactly what they feeling felt like.

“You pulled me from the river.” Steve urged. “Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” Steve challenged.

“You know something, Soldier.” You interjected, pulling your hood back over your head and trying to keep your voice monotonous. “Cause you only made sure he got out… Didn’t look back even once.”

You caught the look he gave you and you instantly regretted your words. His eyes were regretful, almost enough to convince you that he wished he had gone back for you. Obviously you didn’t know, but the more he was able to remember about Nightmare, the more he realized something. You actually did look out for him the best you could when you were yourself and not the inoculated weaponized version of yourself.

You trained him, but you weren’t as brutal as HYDRA wanted you to be. You called it your ‘constant act of defiance’, to not treat him as a weapon but as an equal. You were his partner, and you prioritized his safety and him every single time. You cleaned him up and tended to his wounds. You answered all of his questions, sometimes vaguely but you still answered.

Two grenades came through the windows first, one after the other. Steve smacked the first one aside with his shield and James kicked the second to Steve, who used his shield to contain the blast. When they tried to open the door, James threw the table to wedge it in front so it couldn’t open.

Two men came flying through the windows next. You used your cloak to protect James from the bullets from one of the soldiers shot at the two of you. He turned to face you after knocking out the one he was fighting. His eyes were wide, as if he didn’t expect you to still protect him. You shot him a quick wink and moved back into the fight once the bullets stopped.

A third came through the backdoor but Steve pushed the barrel of the gun away. You and James landed a tandem front kick that sent the soldier flying.

“Stop.” Steve said to both of you. “You’re gonna kill someone.”

You and James shared a look before moving together. You each put a hand on Steve’s belt and the other under his arm. Together, you lifted and slammed him to his back. James put his hand through the floorboards and pulled out a small getaway bag.

“I’m not gonna kill anyone.” James said firmly before flinging his bag to the neighboring rooftop.

“If you weren’t gonna trust us, you shouldn’t have come.” You told Steve simply, turning your head to hide your eye roll. “We can’t sit here and walk on eggshells.”

Steve grabbed your arm quickly. “You may not be the villain, but don’t act like you’re a hero.” He said firmly.

“A hero?” You scoffed. “What, like you? Like Y/N?”

Before Steve could offer a rebuttal, the shots rang through the room.

You knelt and pulled your cloak up to block the bullets while Steve shielded James. You saw a man entering from the side window so you slid across the floor and planted your palms to use as a push off. You leaned into your palms and kicked your feet out to connect firmly with the man’s chest. The force you kicked with was enough to send you through the opening as well so you added a solid punch to knock him unconscious.

You heard the three shots at the door and figured out they were blowing the hinges off. You jumped back through the window and pushed past Steve to stand beside James. Your fingers itched to grab your blade but you resisted. Instead, you turned to James and raised your eyebrows.

“We just gonna wait for them to get in or what?” You asked with a playful smile beneath your mask.

He chuckled lightly and shook his head, seemingly amused. Maybe he didn’t realize until you were standing in front of him but he missed having you around. He liked your little jokes and comments during a fight, having fun with what you did. He liked how you were still playful and teasing, despite going through everything you had. He didn’t know anything about your life before HYDRA but he wondered if you were always that light-hearted or if it was just a facade so everything else didn’t seem so bad. Something about that chuckle made a heat climb your cheeks under your mask. It had been so long since you heard that sound.

The slams outside the door reminded you of your current situation. He dropped his shoulder and ran through, likely knocking down whoever was behind it.

“After you.” You commented though he was already gone and Steve was moving after him quickly.

You considered following and fighting with them. The three of you would be able to handle whatever force was out there. But something told you there’d be more of a fight outside the building. You went for the backdoor instead, looking to where his backpack landed. You estimated the distance and decided it wasn’t smart to make the jump from there. Even if you made it, the landing wouldn’t be pretty. You had to get lower and give yourself a better angle.

You went out through the main door just in time to see a man crashing through the skylight. While James had his arm up to protect from the bullets, you stepped to the top of the hand rail and jumped. You put both feet on his stomach and held to his wire of balance. You swung him to the opposite side of the stairwell and unlatched the wire from his belt, throwing you both into the wall.

You groaned slightly and leaned against the wall. The impact jarred your head and knocked some of the wind from your lungs. You took a deep breath and winced slightly. Looking down at the sharp pain in your side, you saw the tender flesh leaking blood and something reflecting the light sticking out. The glass must’ve cut you when you went through the window. You clenched your jaw as you ripped the glass out and let it clatter at your feet.

A cold hand was under your arm and you let him haul you to your feet. You turned your body away discreetly, blocking the wound from view. He must’ve seen the look on your face because his eyes scanned your body for injuries.

“You worry too much.” You nudged his shoulder slightly. “There’s no time. We gotta go.” Nodding that you were okay, you led him down the stairwell and into the seemingly never ending fight. You knew he didn’t believe you but he didn’t press the issue.

While he and Steve kept fighting through officers, you had to get out of there. You needed space to actually examine and clear your wound before you lost too much blood. Using one hand as a focal point, you hopped over the railing and began falling. The shots rang out as you passed the lower levels but none of them hit. You quickly connected your wire to your wrist and shot it around the bottom poles to catch yourself. You kicked your feet to throw yourself to the ground before retracting the wire.

The jolt of the impact made your side burn wildly and forced you to your knee while you grit your teeth to avoid any sound. You pushed through the pain and moved into a jog down the hallway before leaping across the gap to the next rooftop. You rolled through your landing multiple times, each rotation jamming small rocks and gravel into your open wound.

You cried out in pain since you were alone and laid flat on your back for a few moments until the worst of the stinging went away. You crawled to put your back against the ledge of the roof and threw your hood back. Gingerly, you ran your gloved fingers over the wound to clear the small rocks. You couldn’t keep in the hisses from the burning feeling that shot up your side. It may have only been a small shard but it danced along the line of being a very abrupt end of your day and it had landed in a very tender area. You blinked a couple times to clear the tears once you realized they were threatening and clenched your jaw to prepare yourself.

You removed your gloves and tucked them into your belt quickly. You placed both hands over the wound and took a deep breath before pressing your palms down hard. You groaned through your clenched teeth and dropped your head back, closing your eyes tightly. A small whine left your throat as you counted in your head, counting to 30 in hopes that would be enough to stop the bleeding.

You pulled your hands away after you finished your count and saw no new blood leaving the wound, though your hands were stained red. You let out a relieved laugh and wiped your hands frantically on your pants before you shoved your hands back into your gloves. As you were fastening the clasps, you noticed the hems of your sleeves were stained red. You groaned in annoyance but put it out of your mind once you saw James rolling through his landing. You jumped to your feet and fell into stride with him. Every step sent a jolt through the wound but you would manage.

“What took you so long?” You teased as you saw the incoming shadow. “Oh shit.” You mumbled before shoulder checking James to send him to the side.

You spun on your toes and staggered your stance, knowing there was going to be enough force in the coming impact to send you backwards. The figure tried landing with his feet first, so you grabbed his ankle when he made contact with you and dragged him to the ground with you. James was quick to help you to your feet as the figure across from you stood and brandished sharp metal claws.

“The Black Panther.” You muttered in awe. “I thought you were a legend. What uh, what are you doing all the way out here?”

He ignored your words and made a beeline for James. The two attacked each other intently, James more on the defensive side. The Black Panther was able to get James on his back so you had to move in. You rolled forward and threw a plated forearm in front of James. He quickly ducked out of the way but your plates weren’t enough.

The claw on his thumb sliced through your arm. You cried out and used the other hand to secure his wrist. You yanked your pierced arm away and forced the claws into the metal James was backed up against. You spun on your knee and swung a hook kick against his spine so his face hit the same metal.

You stepped on his back with one foot and the extended arm with the other and used the points as push offs for a backflip that had enough force to make him bash his face again. You yanked a hand out of your glove and shoved it in your belt before pressing your palm against the slice and wrapping your fingers around your arm tightly. James was by your side and attempted to check your arm but you pulled it away.

“I’m fine. There’s no time to worry about me.” You elbowed him away slightly. “That’s what we need to worry about.”

As soon as your words finished, the Black Panther came running towards you two. He moved through the small space between you two and reached around both of your necks. He jumped up and threw his body into a move similar to a kip, slamming you both to your backs.

You groaned but had no time to recover after you smacked your head. He leaped to gain height and put more force behind his claws. You turned your feet towards James and kicked off with all the strength you could, sending him in one direction and you in another. You threw your legs up to move into a backwards tumble and drew a knife from your belt, having to grip it tightly to compensate for the blood that coated your palm.

Before you could move in, gunfire came from a helicopter. Sam kicked the tail into a spin before the bullets could reach you so you tucked your knife, got James to his feet, and took off running. You and James hopped over the ledge and landed lightly on an overhang.

He turned to watch for the Black Panther, who was completely unscathed by the bullet barrage from moments ago, but you weren’t waiting. You guys couldn’t afford to. You grabbed his wrist and jumped again, forcing him to move with you. You reached for him again after you both landed and led him into traffic.

The sirens blared behind you, threatening and echoing throughout the tunnel. James gripped your hand a little tighter as you two ran. You wondered if he was scared, maybe scared of getting caught. Maybe scared of losing you again. Regardless, you kept pace with him and refused to let go.

“We’re doing great.” You panted as you dodged vehicles, desperately trying to make an escape. “This is fun. One hell of a second date, yeah?”

You forgot you were supposed to be Nightmare and cursed yourself slightly. It had only been a year but evidently the persona you had so carefully fabricated around James was already forgotten. You snuck a peek at his expression but saw no change, and you breathed a small sigh of relief.

James commandeered a civilian’s motorcycle, pausing for you to join him. He didn’t say anything about your comment so you hoped he didn’t hear it. You jumped on behind him, both arms wrapping around his waist. With your arms around him, you fit your other glove back to your hand despite it still being relatively slick with your own blood.

You peaked behind to see the black SUV quickly approaching, the Black Panther on top of it. You quickly spun your body and flattened one palm between your legs to apply the suction to the seat, using the other to catch him by his throat when he jumped for you two.

He managed to flip himself over you and pull the bike to its side. With a yelp, you had to maneuver your legs quickly to place yourself in a crouch on the upright side, letting go of his throat to utilize your other glove’s suction. James used his metal arm to catch the bike and push you two back upright once you were able to kick the cat-themed man away.

Sitting back where you originally were, you released both suctions and used one hand to hold on to James, the other went for your belt. You grabbed one of your explosives and threw it to the edge of the tunnel above you. It went off as soon as you passed it and you allowed yourself to believe you had made the escape.

Something knocked out the back tire and you both went rolling across the road. You closed your eyes as your body traveled across the road aggressively, rocks digging into your wounds and leaving a trail across the pavement. Both were now bleeding again and you could feel it slowly soaking your shirt. You made a small exclamation of pain and annoyance as you felt the warm liquid soaking your shirt so the fabric now stuck to you. The grunts and groans of the guys fighting was the only thing that told you that the explosion didn’t help. You slipped one of your electrical charges into the waistband of your pants once you saw the officers blocking your escape route. You had a feeling that you wouldn’t be able to get to your belt as a whole later.

James helped you to your feet as the sirens approached. He opened his mouth to ask a question but you patted his chest before he could speak. You nodded slightly, smiling softly under your mask, hoping to signal it would be okay. You knew it probably wouldn’t but you weren’t going to tell him that.

After all, lying was your strong suit.

You two held eye contact longer than you probably should’ve and you saw it. You saw the recognition flash behind his eyes. You felt a slight dizzy feeling in your head and you wobbled on your two feet. You allowed yourself to fall into James while your assumption of what he noticed floated about your brain.

You think I’ll ever forget how those eyes look at me?

“Congratulations, Cap.” A new voice said. Looking over James’ shoulder, you saw War Machine, Tony Stark’s buddy. “You’re a criminal.”

You were roughly pulled away from James and forced to your knees while your arms were yanked behind your back. You let out a small groan when the officer’s hand closed around the slice from the Panther’s claws and you instinctively tried to pull away. Another officer knelt in front of you and eyed you carefully. You glared back in response but said nothing as the officer behind you yanked your hood back.

The hand of the officer in front of you reached forward and attempted to pull your mask off. The magnets didn’t waiver so your head went forward with it. He placed a hand on your forehead to keep your head steady while he tried to pry it off again. You turned your head away to hide your expression of annoyance - and mild pain - and caught a glimpse of James, who had been forced to his stomach. You were only left on your knees because they wanted to see who was under the mask.

“Я в порядке.” You nodded, trying to gather your composure for your lie. “Просто царапина.” (I’m alright… Just a scratch.)

“Много крови за «просто царапину».” He replied in accusation. (A lot of blood for “just a scratch”.)

“Я вернулся с худшим.” You winked playfully as you were hauled to your feet once the cuffs were in place. (I’ve come back with worse.)

“А как насчет этой крови? На твоей рубашке.” He nodded to the slice on your side. (What about that blood? On your shirt.)

“Ах, я не беспокоюсь об этом. Я так тебя искал…” You lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug. “Ты знаешь, что я бы сделал это снова.” (Ah, I’m not worried about it. I was looking out for you so… You know I'd do it again.)

You and James were both shoved into single occupancy glass boxes. Thick metal restraints crossed your wrists and heavy metal crossed over your chest. You felt like you were on display, an exhibit for all to see. The infamous Nightmare, finally caught by the government. You felt yourself growing weak from the blood loss, but you knew your healing would take care of you soon and it wouldn’t hurt for much longer.

The ride was long and no one said a word. You were tempted to allow yourself to give in to the heavy feeling in your eyelids, but every time your head bobbed, you caught from the corner of your eye, James shifted anxiously in his seat. So, you fought through it and stayed awake. Instead, you rested your head back and stared at the roof of the truck. You were tempted to talk to James but there was nothing you could think to say.

You finally reached your destination, pausing in an unloading area long enough to see Sam, Steve, and Prince T’Challa talking with a small group. You pieced together that T’Challa was the Black Panther. When you thought about it, it made sense. He attacked you two because you were supposedly at fault for his father’s death. You offered a limited wave to Steve from under your restraints. He sighed with a suppressed smile and gave you a small wave in return.

You had to wonder… Did he already know? Why would he seem amused that you acknowledged him if he didn’t know? You let a small chuckle of disbelief when you realized just how likely it was that he figured it out. He was already hinting at it during the Ultron situation and you had your suspicions earlier in James’ apartment.

The room they brought you two into was dark for the most part. A worker busied himself behind you with cables until the small cases you were in lit up.

“This is much better.” You mocked. “Thanks. Very homey.”

They ignored you, like almost everyone else did. No one said a word to either of you until the supposed psychiatrist entered the room. Though, he didn’t strike you as a doctor.

“Hello, Mr. Barnes.” He greeted. “Miss Nightmare.. I’ve been sent by the United Nations to evaluate you. Do you mind if I sit?”

“Actually, I wanted to sit there.” You rolled your eyes. “We can’t exactly stop you, can we?”

“Of course.” He nodded as he sat. “Your first name is James?” He asked him. You turned and kept your attention on James for a moment. He looked to you with uncertainty in his eyes and all you could offer was a shrug, attempting to tell him that you didn’t know what to do either. When James didn’t answer, the doctor kept going. “I’m not here to judge you, either of you. I just want to ask you a few questions… Do you know where you are, James?”

Silence.

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, James.”

“My name is Bucky.” James countered, drawing a proud smirk from you.

“No one told us anything.” You almost laughed. “We don’t know where we are because we were given the silent treatment. We’re criminals, remember? Officers don’t treat criminals with respect.”

“Miss Nightmare..” You turned to face him. “You do have a legal name, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask what it is?”

“You can ask but I won’t tell you. And it won’t mean anything to you anyway.” That time you did laugh. “He doesn’t even know and he was my partner.”

“And why is that? Does it relate to your reason for the mask? It’s a safe place here… You can take it off.”

“I couldn’t take it off if I wanted to with my hands locked up like this.” You pulled your wrist to emphasize your point before you paused, noting the way he was looking between you two and his tablet. For someone who claimed he would help you two, he sure was distracted.

“What is it that you want to hear, Doctor?” You challenged plainly to draw his attention back to you. He looked over at you with brows raised in interest. “You want me to admit to some sort of mania? Some sort of dissociative identity condition? You want to hear how we can bring the devil to his knees or that I wiped all of their blood away with a smile? No, because that’s not what happened to either of us. We were manipulated and made into something we’re not.”

“Something you’re not?” He repeated. “So you’re not the most dangerous thing HYDRA ever created? You’re not the ‘one from the shadows that never misses’? And the story is that’s who you were before your enhancements. I can see the devil in your eyes, miss Nightmare.”

You scoffed. “Of course that bullshit rumor is all you know. You’re a real shitty shrink, yknow that?”

“Tell me, Bucky.” His attention shifted. You hated the way it sounded to hear him use James’ nickname. “You’ve seen a great deal, haven’t you?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” James said simply.

“You feel that if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop… Don’t worry. We only need to talk about one.”

“We don’t need to talk about any.” You challenged, pulling against your restraints again. The metal creaked but didn’t give.

As you said that, the power went out, but you knew it wasn’t your fault. Your mind began racing. Admittedly, you were scared. This doctor had an ulterior motive. And you were at his mercy. The way he looked at you two, like you were new toys… It made your skin crawl.

“James?”

“What the hell is this?” James asked, surveying the room. His eyes lingered on yours, and you knew yours betrayed the panic you felt.

“Why don’t we discuss your home?” The doctor continued. “Not Romania. Certainly not Brooklyn. No, I mean your real home.”

You saw him pull the red notebook from his bag. An old HYDRA notebook. Last you saw it was in Siberia, and not only did it have the words to unlock the Winter Solider, but it had the words to trigger the real Nightmare. How did he have it?

“Where did you get that?” You asked quickly, panicked. “Answer me, goddammit!”

“Желание, Ржавый, Семнадцать.” He read from the book, pacing around James’ cell.

“Don’t do this to him.” You begged. “Please! I- I’ll tell you whatever you want to know! I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t do this!”

There was nothing you could do and it made you sick. You watched helplessly as James tried to resist, but it was no use. This man was going to bring out the Winter Soldier, which only meant you would be next. You desperately pulled against the restraints, hearing the metal creak and groan, but not quite breaking. You tried to kick out the front, but your legs didn’t reach.

“Leave him out of this!” You screamed, a desperate crack in your voice.

“Рассвет, Печь, Девять, Добросердечный, Возвращение на родину, Один, Товарный вагон.” He finished and James broke free of his containment. “Солдат?"

"Я жду приказаний.” James answered.

Both of their attention turned to you. You suddenly felt very small and very powerless.

“Get hers open.” He nodded to you before turning to a different page in the book.

“Solo, perfeccionado.” He began while James slammed his metal fist against the door. You closed your eyes tightly, willing yourself to shut out his words. You banged your head on the headrest behind you repeatedly while you muttered a desperate ‘no no no no no’ to yourself, hoping to make it stop. “Trece, sombras, enigma, dos.”

“Stop!” You screamed, a last ditch effort of an attempt to help yourself. But it was too late. You had only been free for a year.

You felt the familiar pressure in your head, forcing your free will to shut down. The sharp sensation that began deep in your brain and spread, seemingly expanding your brain to the edge of your skull until it would pop like a balloon and be replaced with something else.

“Please.” You mumbled sadly. You had nothing left in you to fight.

You let out one scream of pain, one scream that took everything you had. It was a scream of frustration too, anger at being powerless. Of being at someone else’s mercy, again. It was a scream that you hoped was heard throughout the building and you hoped some part of James - not the Winter Soldier - heard it.

“Servicial, aventurera, uno, pesadilla.” He finished.

When your eyes opened, Y/N was no longer in charge. The pain was gone. Instead, you felt nothing.

“It’s been a while.” You smirked deviously as the Winter Soldier broke the restraints on your wrists.

You slipped your fingers under the waistband of your pants and grabbed the electrical charge you stashed before you were arrested since you had been stripped of your belt, placing it on the restraint across your chest. You smashed a fist against it and felt a small shock through your palm. You shook it off and lifted the restraint and stepped out from under it.

“Mission report.” The man said, standing in front of you both. “December 16, 1991.”

“You want to know about Siberia? The Stark mission.” You checked, squinting your eyes suspiciously. You glanced at James for confirmation but he wasn’t looking at you. “An odd request to know about the Serum acquisition...”

“Mission rep-“ He tried again.

Your partner cut in and went through the report. Even though you knew what happened, you weren’t there so you had nothing to report. Instead, you examined the slice on your arm and the wound on your side. Of course Y/N would be careless enough to hurt herself. You winced as you pressed on the tender skin around the open gashes before your attention was pulled back.

“I want you both to get to Siberia and don’t let anyone stop you.” He said. “But first, make it look like you broke out.”

“I was hoping I’d get a chance to do this.” You said honestly before throwing a sharp left hook that knocked him to the floor. “Something tells me you deserved that.”

You and your partner left the room and easily handled the guards. You found your belt, cloak, and thigh holster waiting for you so you fitted everything back into place just in time for the incoming footsteps. You knelt down while the Winter Soldier pressed his back flat against the wall and waited.

You threw a quick elbow to the man’s stomach, which made him double over. He leaned right into your partner’s hand so he was flung into the next room by his face. Steve came at you two quickly but you ducked his swing.

You and your partner moved into an aggressive offensive barrage. You kept applying more and more pressure until you were able to back him against the elevator. Steve caught your partner’s fist and started pushing him back. You took a few steps back before running in.

You ran in and ducked your partner’s arm, slamming your shoulder into Steve’s stomach and sending him through the elevator doors. You turned on your toes and reached for the Winter Soldier. He just barely caught your hand and pulled you back to flat ground. You nodded in thanks before heading to leave.

You two had practically gotten to the lobby with almost no issues. It was easy enough to handle the guards. The Widow and her friend put up a good fight, but it wasn’t that hard to knock the blonde on her ass. When she spun into a high hook kick, you grabbed her ankle and flipped her over your shoulder and through a nearby table. You pressed your knee against her throat, slowly applying more pressure as she coughed and wheezed and clawed at your leg. You watched as her eyes began to flutter and her resistance faded.

Meanwhile, your partner handled the Widow fairly easily.

The issues didn’t come until the Wakandan Prince wanted to go another round. After a fairly even match, he kicked your partner over a railing and to the ground floor.

You quickly jumped over after him and followed his lead out the building. He took you to the landing pad on the side of the building where a helicopter was waiting. He got into the pilot’s seat and you stood in the open space behind him. You two had nearly gotten away until Captain America was single-handedly holding the chopper in place.

“What are you waiting for?” You asked from behind him. “Go for it.”

He hesitated, only slightly but enough that you noticed. You rolled your eyes before leaning over his shoulder and forcing his hand, driving the helicopter towards Steve. The collision sent the helicopter into a spiral on the concrete landing pad, but it teetered dangerously close to a free fall towards the water. You regretted your decision to stand when you were thrown about the cabin during the spin. You wondered in the back of your mind if your mask would hold up if you went down, but something told you it wouldn’t and you couldn’t take off your mask with the Captain there. That would be a problem.

The Winter Soldier reached his metal hand through the front glass and caught the Captain by his throat, pulling him into the fall with you. You quickly used the suction palms of your gloves to secure yourself as best you could. You heard a loud thud followed by a groan so you looked over to see he had gone unconscious.

Once you hit the water, you released the suction and moved to free him. The Captain was there to help, and though everything told you to kill him then and there, you let him because you knew he would help your partner. And Captain Rogers wasn’t your mission today.

However, you learned the hard way that water could definitely get under your mask. You realized that the shock that went through your palm earlier had disabled the sensors when you turned away to remove it. Your mask wasn’t coming off.

While the Captain dragged your partner out of the water, you felt the liquid creeping into your lungs.

You couldn’t breathe. The pressure of holding your breath was building in your head and in your chest. You wouldn’t last much longer.

You tried to swim to the surface but you didn’t have the strength to make it. Instead, you fell unconscious and began sinking lower and lower.

The next time you opened your eyes, you felt a heavy pounding in your head. You coughed violently, still feeling the water in your lungs and realized your mask was still on. You looked around and saw James with his arm in a vice. Your own hands were cuffed behind your back and around a heavy pipe. You saw your stained red gloves on the ground beside you in a puddle of water and blood and you felt the soft gauze on your side and forearm. You had to wonder who took the time to dress your wounds.

“James?” You tried hoarsely. He turned his head in your direction while you cleared your throat. You tried to shake the loose wet hair from your face but they clung to your forehead. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?” He asked instead.

“I’m myself, if that’s what you’re asking…” You said with a relieved sigh though your lungs burned with every breath. “Nothing worse than before. Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“You busted your face on a helicopter windshield.” You emphasized. “Are you sure?”

“I’m fine.” He insisted.

“Hey Cap!” Sam called before entering, Steve quickly behind him.

“Which Bucky am I talking to?” Steve asked. You tilted your head in acknowledgment, thinking it was a fair question to ask. You two did just attempt to kill him with a helicopter.

“Your mom’s name was Sarah.” He answered. “You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.” He chuckled lightly. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he could remember some of his life.

“Can’t read that in a museum.”

“Just like that we’re supposed to be cool?” Sam asked, in slight disbelief.

“What about you?” Steve said, taking a couple steps closer to you.

“I can’t tell you any real personal stories like he did.” You admitted. “But I can tell you this… When you came looking for him in Azanno, I led you right to him. I told you that I never wanted him to get hurt, but you couldn’t tell anyone because no one would believe you. Because Nightmare doesn’t do the right thing.”

“But the girl underneath it does.” You and Steve said at the same time. Part of you wondered how he remembered exactly what you had said - Had he thought about that interaction often? - but it seemed like it was enough for him to relax some distrust.

“Maybe it’s time you told us who the girl underneath it is.” Sam tried.

“They’d hate me.” You said sadly. “Please understand. It’s just not the right time.. I’m sorry.”

“What did we do?” James asked to change the subject. You were sure he wanted to know the same thing, to know who he had spent decades beside, but he likely heard the sadness of your voice. He wanted to know but he wanted it to be your choice to tell him.

“Enough.” Steve said simply.

“I knew this would happen.” James sighed heavily. “Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words.”

“I didn’t know they did it that way to her, too.”

“Yeah, Y/N was pretty vague on that.” Sam added.

“What?” James asked, genuinely shocked. He tried turning to face you but couldn’t. You didn’t know if the surprise was due to hearing that Y/N was alive or that HYDRA would do to you what they did to him. “You guys talked to Y/N? She’s still alive?”

There was a breath of relief in his voice and you felt your heart twist. He was happy to know you’re still around and you were literally a few feet away from him. You had been beside him for decades and he never knew. You couldn’t help but feel guilty. It never clicked in your head that he would’ve believed Y/N to be dead.

“Well, they didn’t… Not exactly.” You explained carefully when you saw Steve and Sam were looking at you expectantly.

“You’d better get exact.” Steve warned. “Because we don’t have time for games anymore.”

“I came from scientists, white men who played God.” You began. “They did complex physiological experiments in the name of public good. They taught me everything, just like they taught my parents. I was like their first born, HYDRA’s cut-throat dream. Born, bred, and raised to kick your ass. And I was good at it, the best HYDRA had, really.”

“I made a point to be good at it because I wanted to do something great like you.” You nodded towards Steve. “And the real tragedy is only half of it was true… I wanted to represent something bigger than myself and I had nothing else. So I became the weapon HYDRA needed. I became that symbol.”

“And you didn’t care about what you did.” Steve continued.

“No, I didn’t. I had no light at the end of my tunnel, but once they brought him in, I realized how wrong everything about them really was. James was innocent and shouldn’t have been involved... Anyway, I started acting out more than I usually would. Subtle comments, threats, and small acts of defiance. I got away with it too until the 90’s. I was restationed in Ohio and that’s where they did it.”

“What did they do to you?” James said sadly.

“HYDRA was working on something to go in conjunction with the Winter Soldier program, something to completely shut down free will. They were working on studying and taking apart the basal ganglia which does procedural learning and voluntary motor control… What James went through was more psychological conditioning and physical torture. What I went through was a beta version of complete chemical subjection. I was always fully conscious and I knew what I was doing and I was doing it with intent but it was like two different sides. Even now the line that separates me from her gets blurred every time we switch and I-” Your voice wavered. You had never admitted what you were about to say, never out loud at least. “I’m not always sure which side is really me and which side HYDRA made...”

“I’m sorry..” Steve offered. You knew it was genuine but you didn’t want pity. “But I don’t think you would be here if you were more Nightmare than yourself.”

“I doubt it’ll matter in the long run…” You shrugged and leaned your head against the wall behind you. “Lucky for me, it was still in early development and the facility was burned to ash before its completion. And before you ask, the organization that did it hasn’t been able to be tracked down in years. It’s quite literally the most covert operation and there’s rumors it’s not active anymore.”

You thought momentarily about the Red Room and the rumors that Natasha had killed Dreykov. Though those rumors were quickly silenced when the Widows were still being used, unintentionally competing with you and James for most lethal assassins in rotation.

“Anyway since it wasn’t perfect, it’s not constantly active so I can be in control more often than not. But like James, there’s a set of words that triggers the version of Nightmare they always wanted. It’s like a Pavlovian response and only a hard reset of my head will get me back to normal in that moment, otherwise I just have to wait until everything balances out. Sometimes it’s days, sometimes longer..” You finished.

“A hard reset?” Sam asked.

“Knocked unconscious, pretty much.” You shrugged. “It shuts down my conscious mind and that voluntary free will center is allowed to re-regulate. Putting Nightmare in the backseat and me in the driver’s… This time it was nearly drowning. Last time, Cap choked me. A really hard hit to the head would probably do it too.”

“Who was he?” Steve asked, looking more to you. “The doctor.”

“Never seen him before.” You answered simply. “But he knew a hell of a lot more than he should’ve about us.”

“People are dead.. The bombing, the set up.” Steve urged. “He did all that just for ten minutes with you guys. I need better than that.”

“He wanted to know about Siberia.” James added. “Where I was kept… He wanted to know exactly where.”

“God, that base was probably the worst one we had.” You commented.

“Why would he need to know that?” Steve asked urgently.

“James wasn’t supposed to be the only Winter Soldier.” You explained. “Can you-“ You shook the cuffs behind you. “Please?”

Sam sighed and moved over to release your hands. Steve loosened the vice and freed James’ arm. You nodded in thanks and moved across the floor to sit closer to James after wringing out your gloves and bringing them with you. While you spoke again, James had taken your arm to look over the wound dressing.

“Who were they?” Steve asked.

“HYDRA’s elite death squad.” You said, turning your attention to him.

You remembered that group very clearly. Strong and aggressive, but out of control. They reveled in their newfound strength and thought themselves invincible. Though you had put their top prospect in his place, you knew HYDRA wouldn’t shut it down based on that.

“As a group, second most kills in HYDRA history and that was before the serum.” You continued. “Second only to me and that’s just counting my individual assignments.”

“They all turn out like him?” Sam nodded towards James.

“Worse.” He said simply.

“Can the doctor control them?” Steve asked.

“Enough, maybe. But not perfectly.”

“He said he wanted to see an empire fall.”

“With them, he could probably do it.” You nodded. “30 languages, can hide in plain sight. Infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. That’s their whole M.O.”

“They can take down a whole country and you’d never see them coming.” James agreed.

Sam moved closer to whisper to Steve but your mind was still putting the pieces together. He didn’t strike you as a man who wanted to rule. James moved to sit on a crate so you put yourself on the ground between his legs, leaning your back against his leg.

“What empire?” You questioned quietly, thinking back to what Steve said. You looked up at James and saw he was already looking at you. “What empire does he want to fall?”

“Does it matter?” He asked simply.

“It’d give us a better chance, no? If we can figure out where he’s going after Siberia, we can beat him there.”

He didn’t answer. You noticed the blood on his head from when he was knocked out in the helicopter. You frowned slightly and reached to wipe it away. To your surprise, he leaned slightly into your touch.

“I hate when you hurt.” You mumbled, more to yourself than him. “Always have… Cause your dumbass thinks you’re some badass and always tries to protect me.”

“Coming from the one who got hurt more?” He joked lightly and pointed to your wrapped side. “Who’s really the dumbass?”

“Ha ha.” You said sarcastically, drawing a small smile from him. “It’s not my fault it got the one spot that’s not protected.” You defended. “I can handle myself and you know that, James.”

Oddly enough, it didn’t feel like Nightmare and James. It felt like Y/N and James, the way it should be. And you knew that’s what it was, but he didn’t. But he was so comfortable around Nightmare… Maybe it would be okay if you told him…

“I know.” He nodded with a small smile. “What about this?” He tapped your forearm.

“How am I supposed to defend against Vibranium?” You chuckled.

“By not jumping in front of every bullet meant for me?”

“Not gonna happen, Soldier.” You shook your head fondly. “You should know that by now.”

“I didn’t know.” He said gently, reaching for the hand closest to him. You scrunched your eyebrows in question. “I didn’t know you really didn’t have a choice..”

“You just thought I wanted to be a trained killer?” You challenged lightly. “It’s fine… It wasn’t until later so I guess I kinda did.” You reasoned as you looked down at the floor.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I usually just did what I was told to make things easier. HYDRA was all I knew, like a mouse born in a cage. I could only run on the little wheel… Mom and Dad were there and were killed, so I worked hard to be the best because I wanted to honor their legacy. HYDRA saw an opportunity in that and raised an elite spy and then weaponized me…”

You paused to look back at James and found his eyes were already on you. He was listening very intently to your backstory and you felt a comfort in your chest to get it out there, to have someone truly listen to what happened. And even though it was the mask telling the story, you were glad you could finally tell him. It’d be one less thing to explain later.

“When they brought you in, your friend Y/N asked me to look out for you when she couldn’t because HYDRA never let her get too close. I always did because she was the only person there that still had a heart and it just became habitual after a while. I wanted to look out for you. I guess in some twisted way I kinda thought of us as friends after all.”

“I know you tried to help me. It wasn’t your fault, Nightmare.”

“That’s not my name.” You whispered sadly.

“So tell me.”

“I don’t think you’d like me very much if I did.”

“You really think that would happen?”

“It’s just not a risk I can take right now. I’m sorry.”

“There’s something familiar about your eyes.” He admitted. “It’s like… Something I should know.”

“But you don’t remember why?”

“Not yet.”

“Then my secret’s safe for a little while longer.” You squeezed his hand gently before Steve and Sam came back to you.

Later that day, you and James were cramped in the backseat of a small Volkswagen. Sam sat in the front while Steve drove. He stopped off to meet with the blonde agent from before, the one you threw through a table.

“Can you move your seat up?” James asked Sam.

“No.” Sam said firmly.

You chuckled lightly as James slid over to the center. You crawled over his lap to switch seats before leaning forward to talk to Sam.

“Who is she?” You asked. “I kinda almost killed her.”

“Sharon Carter.” He answered simply.

“Carter? Like- Like Peggy Carter?”

“Yeah, that’s her niece.”

“Hmm.” You nodded. “A bit odd, don’t you think?”

“He likes her.” Sam said with a shrug. “Let him be happy.”

“I never said he couldn’t be.” You added defensively as you dropped back into your seat.

You crossed your arms in annoyance and leaned your head back. You felt a tap on your leg and looked to see James looking at you. You raised your brows and he smiled slightly, shaking his head. You rolled your eyes, though you were smiling too.

You did want Steve to be happy. You wanted to be happy too. And with James, you were. You just couldn’t stop thinking that once you told him the truth, you wouldn’t be.

You’d only have your memories. That night before he left, the sound of his laugh. The way he kissed your cheek tentatively. You’d have the letters, safely tucked away at home. But you wouldn’t have James.

You all ended up at the airport and met up with the Maximoff twins, Clint Barton, and a man you later learned to be Scott Lang.

“Good to see you two made it out.” You told the twins. “I heard about what Strucker did with the Scepter and how many didn’t make it..”

“You’re…” Pietro breathed. “Holy shit. I thought you were made up.” He smiled in awe while Wanda eyed you with interest. You thought you saw red swirls around her fingers but figured it was just a trick of the light.

“Yeah.” You nodded, not sure if you should be embarrassed or not. “Nightmare… But I’m not as scary as the stories. Not always.”

“What timezone is this?” Scott said as he got out the van. “Wow, Captain America! I’m shaking your hand too long.”

He turned to the twins.

“I know you guys too.” He smiled. “You’re great.”

He looked over at you. “And I’ve heard about you. You’re terrifying.”

“Yup.” You nodded. “Get that a lot.”

“They tell you what we’re up against?” Steve asked.

“Something about some.. psycho-assassins?” Scott answered.

“We’re outside the law on this one. You come with us, you’re a wanted man.”

“You didn’t bring Y/N?” Wanda asked suddenly. Your head turned to her quickly and you cursed yourself. You forgot she could read minds and she was already looking at you. “She fought with us against Ultron. Why isn’t she here?”

It definitely wasn’t a trick of the light.

“She’s tired of fighting.” Steve explained. “I told her to stay away from this and focus on something else.”

“Are you sure she listened?” Wanda teased, raising a brow to you.

“Y/N is a smart girl.” You cut in, shooting Wanda a warning look. “She trusts the Captain. I bet she listened.”

“And what about you?” She countered easily.

“Don’t do this.” You tried, close to pleading.

“If you don’t tell them, I will.”

“I am going to tell them. If you looked deep enough, you would’ve seen why I haven’t. You think they would trust me if they knew?”

“Show me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll keep your secret.”

“Wanda?” Her brother tried.

“It’s fine.” You sighed and came around the car to stand beside Wanda. “For the record, this hostility is why I didn’t say anything to everyone else.”

She placed her fingers by your temple so you closed your eyes. The first thing that showed behind your closed lids was the night you first met James, his smile and his laugh.

“I thought you hadn’t danced in a while.” James teases with a wide smile as he lifts your hand above your head to spin you.

You giggled in surprise before you came to face him again. “What can I say? I guess I’m naturally light on my feet.” You shrugged.

“You keep talkin’ like that, I’m gonna fall in love with you.”

“Is that a promise, Sergeant Barnes?” You winked.

“Y’know, Y/N Barnes has a nice ring to it.” He tried with a cheeky smile.

“You wanna give me a ring already?” You smiled widely. “I need at least three dates before I consider wedding proposals.”

“I’d take you on a hundred dates if that’s what it took.”

Then you saw when you helped Steve get him out of Azanno.

Next, he fell off the train.

You trained him.

You were in that lonely yellow room. Your brain chemistry was altered. You screamed at God and cursed the skies.

You stood up to Pierce.

“Oh my god.” She whispered.

The images stopped so you opened your eyes.

“Do you get it now?” You asked sadly. “They were all I had to hold on to..”

“I won’t say anything.” She nodded, gently squeezing your hand in reassurance.

“Thank you, Wanda.” You smiled softly beneath your mask. “I promise I’m going to tell them.”

“I know you will.”

The announcement over the P.A. system halted all conversation. You listened to the German words before groaning in annoyance. This just got a lot harder.

“Evacuation orders.” You explained.

“Stark.” Sam sighed.

“Stark?” Lang asked.

“Suit up.” Steve instructed.

116 notes · View notes

petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - SIX (BUCKY BARNES)

SIX - GRUDGES

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @calums-betch @ladyyystark @bangtanxberm @buckyys-doll @tgirljeep388 @spideysimpossiblegirl @whattheheckisevengoingon

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 10,012

Summary: Nightmare joins forces with Team Cap and Y/N has to make a quick decision for the better of the mission. With things not quite going to plan, will she be able to clear her concious before things get out of hand?

Notes/Warnings: We are so close to the end! Keep asking questions and giving feedback on her and this story. You guys have made it so fun to keep going. (Violence, blood, language) Also, merry early christmas if you celebrate!

“They’re gonna take down that chopper first.” You said to Steve. “As soon as they see us going for it, it’s done.”

“Yeah… But they got here some way, right?” Steve countered, looking over his shoulder at the helicopter.

“Probably a Quinjet.” You nodded before you smiled slightly. “Well aren’t you clever?” You joked once you realized his point.

“How are we gonna find it?” James asked.

“I’ll send Redwing.” Sam smiled proudly as the small device began hovering.

“Cute.” You nodded. “If you can find it, I can get to it.”

“You’re not going alone.” James said firmly.

“I doubt they even know I’m here.” You reasoned somewhat defensively. “I have the best chance of slipping past Stark and whoever else he has with him.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “You’re not going by yourself.”

“That’s not up to you.”

“No one is going alone.” Steve cut in. You huffed in annoyance and crossed your arms. “I’ll distract them while Sam finds the jet.”

“And then what?” You challenged slightly. “Punch our way through?”

“If we have to.” Steve nodded before leaving.

You rolled your eyes and muttered a complaint in Russian, forgetting you weren’t the only one fluent. James chuckled slightly and nudged you but you didn’t turn your head. You waved him off and sighed slightly.

You knew Steve was probably right. If you all went together, that’s more people watching each other’s backs and a more level playing field, considering you had no idea who Tony was going to bring with him. Your team was collected more to face off against the soldiers in Siberia, but if they had to face off against Stark’s team just so they could get there, so be it.

“Nothing’s ever easy, is it?” You mumbled before pulling your hood up.

“Tell me.” Sam tried while he navigated Redwing. “What did Wanda see?”

“The truth.” You shrugged. “She saw how it started for me and how Y/N was involved. She saw who I am under this mask and all the gritty details that made me.”

“But you won’t tell Steve?” He turned to look at you before quickly putting his attention back on his screen. “I found it. The Quinjet’s in hangar five, north runway.”

“Great.” You said quickly, leaning over Sam’s shoulder to see. “I can get there the easiest.”

James grabbed you by your arm and pulled you a few feet away from Sam. You yanked your arm away and threw your hood back as you eyed him in anger. You pulled out your earpiece before crossing your arms defiantly. You removed your ear piece for two reasons. One being you didn’t want what anyone else was saying to distract you and two was that you didn’t want what you had to say to be broadcasted for your whole team to hear.

“You’re not going alone.” James said firmly.

“Are you serious?” You laughed but James clearly wasn’t amused. “Tony and whoever else he brought doesn’t know I’m here. I have the best chance of getting through. Yes, Pietro is a lot faster but he’s not gonna leave Wanda.”

“You’re not-“

“That’s not up to you!” You snapped quickly. You took a moment to take a deep breath and recollect your composure. “It’s not your call, James.”

“What happened to following my lead?”

“You’re not thinking of the big picture here.” You countered easily and shook your head in disappointment. “You’re worried about me when you shouldn’t be. We need that jet to get to Siberia. If I can get it-“

“Of course I’m gonna worry about you!” He interjected firmly, to which you rolled your eyes. “You’re the closest thing to a friend I’ve had since the 40’s.”

“You’re wrong..” You groaned as you ran a hand down your face.

“What?”

“I said you’re wrong. I’m not the one that’s been your friend.” You said carefully and you could’ve sworn you saw hurt flash across his face. “Y/N was. She was the one always looking out for you. She was the one that cared.”

“Y/N…” He said your name softly. Sadly, almost.

“You really don’t remember anything about her?” You tried, your stomach dropping. You were nearly begging.

“I only remember you being around.”

“Don’t say that.” You whined quietly. The tears gathered in your eyes, blurring your vision slightly. You tried to blink them away, but that only made them fall down your cheeks. “You’re not supposed to only remember me…”

“Nightmare, I-“ He tried to reach for your arm.

“She said something interesting once, y’know… Something about you.” You redirected the conversation and wiped your eyes quickly, taking a small step away.

“What’d she say?” He almost smiled, maybe finding solace that Y/N would talk about him. Maybe there was some memory of her floating around in his head.

“That you two went on a date and you told her that you wouldn’t be able to forget how her eyes looked at you.”

You were pleading that he would remember that night. Remember your eyes. Or if he already knew, you were silently begging for him to say it out loud, to tell you that he knew you. Would it be easier if he figured it out instead of you having to say it? Would he forgive you now that he knew that you lived essentially two different lives? As two different people?

Please. Please, remember me.

He shook his head sadly.

“It’s alright, Lover Boy.” You shrugged in defeat. “I’m sure it’ll come back to you.”

“What’d you just say?” A small flash of recognition crossed his features.

“What?” You felt hope spark in your chest.

“If you two are finished.” Sam called. “We need to move.”

“Yeah.” You nodded quickly and replaced the small device in your ear. “Right behind you.”

The three of you began running through the terminal. Your mind was reeling as you kept pace with the boys. You were trying to figure out what made James question you, what was so familiar. You replayed the conversation to the point that the words didn’t sound right. Nothing you said stuck out. Not even repeating what he told you that night seemed to ring any bells for him.

HYDRA had taken that moment right out from under you two.

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you jumped slightly when you heard the thud on the window. Looking over, you saw a red and blue themed person crawling along the windows like a bug.

“What the hell is that?” James asked, voicing your own confusion as well.

“Everyone’s got a gimmick now.” Sam answered in annoyance.

“Coming from the bird-man.” You laughed before being tackled to the ground.

You lifted your head quickly to see the red and blue figure standing over you. They were momentarily distracted by James, catching the punch he threw.

“You have a metal arm?” The clearly young hero exclaimed. “That’s awesome, dude!”

You connected your wire to your wrist and shot it at his ankles. Once it looped, you pulled hard enough to knock him to his face. Sam came flying in and carried him off so you retracted your wire and got to your feet.

“That’s gotta be a kid, right?” You asked when you met with James and replaced the wire cartridge to your belt. “Fifteen, maybe?”

“Sounded like it.” He agreed. He didn’t seem upset that it was a kid. Surprised probably, maybe disappointed. “He was strong though.”

“About as young as I started, give or take a couple years.” You shrugged a shoulder and nodded for him to follow you to catch up with Sam.

The kid was nimble, easily swinging between the beams. He dodged Sam’s shots with grace and even avoided the debris James threw to try and knock him down. You spun behind an information post when the kid sent it right back where it came from.

“Gotta admit, the kid’s pretty good.” You nodded in acknowledgment. You pulled your stun gun from the back of your belt. “Let’s see if he can dodge this.”

You put an arm’s length between you and the post before coming around and aiming the gun. You watched the kid shoot something into Sam’s pack that caused him to crash through a magazine kiosk. While he was spinning, you shot at his spine. He groaned loudly and flailed as he went to the ground.

“I’m gonna get Sam.” You told James. “Watch my back. It’s been fun but we can’t keep playing with this kid all day.”

He nodded so you took off towards Sam.

“How old are you, Kid?” You asked once you saw the hero get to his feet. You figured you could distract him long enough to get your teammate up.

“Holy shit.” He coughed. “What the hell was that?”

“Concussive energy gun.” You explained as you tucked it away so you could help Sam. “Self-sustaining power source and highly concentrated. Made the whole thing myself.”

“That’s-“ He coughed again and rubbed his back. “That’s awesome.”

“How old are you?” You tried again.

“Fifteen.”

“What are you doing here?”

He shot quick bursts at Sam’s hands before aiming at yours. You glanced down and noticed it had a web-like pattern. You pieced together he was supposed to be spider themed.

“Is this stuff coming out of you?” Sam asked.

“God, I hope not.” You scrunched your nose in disgust.

“Those wings carbon fiber?” The kid asked instead. “It would explain the rigidity to flexibility ratio, which I gotta say, that’s awesome. And what’s the power source for that gun?”

“I don’t know if you’ve been in a fight before, but there’s usually not this much talking.” Sam said in annoyance while you answered “It’s a reconfigured arc reactor.”

“Right, sorry.” The kid answered before swinging towards you two.

You braced yourself for the collision and saw James coming to block you before you went tumbling over the edge. Once you hit the ground, you let yourself roll until James stopped your momentum and you laid flat on your back. He had one hand on your arm when you heard the thwip and felt your arm be pushed to the ground. You looked up and saw the spider-kid peering down.

You carefully reached your free hand for your stun gun while he talked. You waited until he was about to take off before firing at his stomach. He coughed violently and began to fall when his wrist was caught by Redwing. The small bot carried him out the window and dropped him.

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” James asked in annoyance.

“I hate you.” Sam sighed.

“What happened to watching my back?” You groaned as you dropped your gun and reached for one of your knives.

You cut the webbing that stuck you to the floor before cutting James free. You slid over to free Sam before dropping to sit down and tuck the blade away. James handed you your gun and you nodded in thanks.

“Stark’s recruiting kids so he’s gotta be desperate to stop us.” You commented, rubbing your forehead while you spoke. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

“Let’s keep moving.” Sam said simply, flicking off the remainder of the webs.

Your group met up with Steve and everyone else running towards the Quinjet. Your progress was stopped by a beam from the stone in Vision’s head. While he gave a short speech, Tony’s team gathered in front of you.

“What’s the move, Captain?” You asked from beside him.

“We fight.” He said firmly.

The two teams moved towards each other, slowly picking up the pace until they were in a full sprint. You had to decide quickly if you were going to fight on your own or stay with Steve or James.

Tony went straight for Steve and T’Challa went straight for James. You hesitated, only for a moment. Before you had time to think, Natasha was in front of you.

“The Black Widow.” You commented simply. “We are due for a rematch, aren’t we?.”

“I thought you retired.”

“I had a compelling reason to come back.”

You threw the first punch and she leaned out of the way. You dropped and slid forward on the side of your leg to hook a foot behind her knee. You yanked that foot forward to drop her on her back. You spun quickly and trapped her in an arm bar.

She quickly walked herself around so she could get her knees under her and force your arms apart in the process. You attempted to push yourself into a backwards tumble, but you were hit with a sharp shock from her wrist gauntlets that made you collapse.

“Yeah.” You nodded as you got to your hands and knees. “I probably deserved that.”

When she moved in close enough, you spun your leg and knocked her to her chest. As she went to stand, you pushed yourself into a hard kip so your feet connected with her back and sent her reeling forward. She groaned as she hit the floor and you used it to your advantage to get to your feet and find the boys.

You found James locked against T’Challa. James had the new king by his throat but T’Challa didn’t seem bothered by it.

“We didn’t kill your father.” You heard James say as you caught up.

“Then why did you run?” T’Challa countered.

T’Challa pulled James’ arm away and flipped the pair over. Once James got to his feet, the King landed a hard kick that sent James flying. You somersaulted forward to block T’Challa’s path just after he brandished his Vibranium claws.

You landed a quick combo of body shots before planting your palms for balance and connected a sharp hook kick. You spun on your knees and threw an elbow up into his stomach. When he leaned over, you reached up and wrapped an arm around his neck. You used your other hand to lock that arm before you got your feet underneath you and spun you two so he was behind you.

You quickly moved into an explosive front flip and threw the Prince forward. You rolled once through your landing and pulled the stun gun from its holster. You fired square at his chest and sent him reeling back. You hurried to your feet and ran to catch up with James.

“You okay?” He asked once you got close.

“Yeah, why?” You nodded as you shoved the gun away.

“Just checking.” He smiled softly.

You smiled beneath your mask and grabbed his wrist so you could pull him with you. You two met up with Steve a couple hundred feet from the Quinjet. It was a seemingly open path to get there, but you didn’t doubt Tony’s team had something in the works.

“We gotta go.” You commented, glancing at the fight on one side and the jet on the other. “He’s got a huge lead already.”

“She’s right.” James agreed. “He’s probably in Siberia by now.”

“We gotta draw out the flyers.” Steve said, analyzing the best course of action. He was definitely meant to be a soldier. “I’ll take Vision. You two get to the jet.”

“No.” Sam said over comms. “All three of you get to the jet. The rest of us aren’t getting out of here.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, if we’re gonna win this one-“ Clint replied. “-some of us might have to lose it.”

“This isn’t the real fight, Steve.” Sam added.

Steve looked to you and James for help. You shrugged slightly, telling him that you didn’t really know what to do. You didn’t want to leave everyone behind to face whatever they would have to. It wasn’t their mess to clean up but you knew you were against the clock. You also knew it wasn’t your team so it wasn’t your call to make

“Alright Sam.” Steve agreed after the small hesitation. “What’s the plan?”

“We need a diversion.” You said simply, patting your belt to see what you had. Though nothing you had would be big enough. “Something big.”

“I got something big.” Lang said excitedly. His childlike glee was probably the brightest part of that otherwise gloomy day. “But I can’t hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell. And if I tear myself in half, don’t come back for me.”

“What the hell?” You muttered as James asked “He’s gonna tear himself in half?”

“Please be careful, Lang.” You told him over comms.

“I got this.” He replied, feigning confidence. “I’m the boss. I’m the boss. I’m the boss.” He tried hyping himself up.

The next thing you knew, the man - who had previously been shifting between normal size and bug size - was now massive, as tall as a skyscraper. You stood in awe for a moment, your eyes wide with amazement. You let out a quiet chuckle and nodded in approval. After a few moments of admiration of your friend’s new trick, you gave the boys a slight shove to get them moving.

The three of you took off in a sprint and were nearly cut off by Vision. Wanda held the debris up long enough for the three of you to make it just in time. However, you came face to face with Natasha, who was already there waiting for you.

“Agent Romanoff, please.” You said carefully as you pushed your hood back. “Let us go.”

“You’re not gonna stop.” She commented to Steve with a sad expression.

“You know I can’t.” He said honestly.

“I’m gonna regret this.” She sighed, lifting her fist and aiming her shot.

“Natasha..” You tried.

But she shot right past you. Turning, you saw the Black Panther was closing in. You cursed yourself for not realizing but pushed the thoughts away. You reached for your stun gun as you took careful steps backwards, not taking your eyes off T’Challa.

“Go.” Natasha told your group.

The boys ran towards the jet but you stayed planted. You lifted your gun and fired on T’Challa. You and Natasha alternated your blows. She shot you a look of uncertainty so you nodded, hoping to convey that you knew what you were doing, that you were going to help. That you weren’t going to fight her. You thought for a moment, what could be quick enough to ensure she could trust you.

You took a deep breath and used the glove that hadn’t shorted out. The other hand kept your gun raised and was ready to fire. You reached for your mask and released the sensor. You tucked the metal under your belt and offered her a nervous, embarrassed smile. Her eyes went wide for a moment before her shoulders slumped forward slightly. Relief maybe, or disappointment.

Both of your focuses returned to T’Challa, but you knew there was a conversation that needed to happen between you two.

“Nightmare.” You heard James call from behind you, the hesitation plain in his voice. You tilted your head in acknowledgment but didn’t change your line of sight. You couldn’t turn to face him now that your mask was off and you couldn’t afford to take your eyes off T’Challa. “C’mon.”

“Go.” You said simply, firing again. “I’ll meet you guys there.”

“We’re not-” James tried.

“There’s no time to argue, James!” You shouted quickly. “Go!”

You and Natasha fired at the same time, landing the shots to the center of his chest. It gave the boys enough time to get the jet off the ground, shoot away the debris that blocked them, and begin to take off. T’Challa tried to grab onto the wheel but it retracted before he could get a grip. You let out a sigh of relief as he fell to the ground and the boys were able to leave.

“I told you I’d help you find them. Not catch them… There’s a difference.” Natasha said to T’Challa.

You quickly climbed over the fallen tower and watched the Quinjet leave. You knew you’d be taken into custody soon so while you watched Tony and Rhodes take off after them with Sam right behind them, you knelt and tucked one of your electrical charges into your boot. You wiggled your foot around until you managed to get it to slide under the elastic of your sock. You watched as Vision blasted the reactor in Rhodes’ suit and neither Sam nor Tony could catch him. You felt a pair of hands pinning your arms behind your back and shoving you towards the rest of your team.

You followed without a fight. You watched the looks you received from your team with a brave face. Sam and Clint both looked betrayed and you accepted that. Wanda looked at you sadly, empathetically almost. She already knew your truth, but maybe she felt bad. She very likely could tell that your reveal wasn’t exactly how you had hoped, but it was already done. Her brother looked at you like he was impressed, like he never would’ve guessed but still thought it was cool.

Meanwhile, Steve and James were on their way to Siberia.

“What’s gonna happen to your friends?” Bucky asked carefully.

“Whatever it is, I’ll deal with it.” Steve answered simply.

“And Nightmare?” He tried. A certain sadness laced his words, a loneliness. “What about her?”

“She’s a strong girl, Buck.” Steve replied. “She’s figured out how to get out before. She’ll do it again.”

Steve had a strong hunch that Y/N and Nightmare were the same person. He figured something was up back when Y/N came to Tony’s party and he saw her fight. Then in Sokovia, she repeated something Nightmare said to him a long time ago. But it didn’t seem like she remembered saying it so he didn’t bring it up. When she said that line again the day before, that the girl underneath the mask does the right thing, he had more reason to believe than not to. But he also knew that Bucky didn’t know, or at least didn’t remember. And that wasn’t his secret to tell, so he would play along until she told him.

“What happened to Y/N?” Bucky asked suddenly.

“I asked her not to get involved.” Steve said honestly. “I know she’s strong and I know she can handle it, but she… She wasn’t looking to join another fight.”

“But she’s okay?”

“Yeah.. She’s alright.”

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this, Steve.” Bucky sighed.

“What you did all those years…” Steve offered, hopefully as a comfort to his friend. “It wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice, either of you.”

“I know.” He nodded. “But I did it, and so did she.”

Back on your side, you were all placed in cuffs and transported to the Raft prison. You were stripped of all your gear when you arrived and you were each placed in a single cell that circled one massive room. Wanda and Pietro were placed in collars that blocked their powers and you found that to be disgusting.

“You’re pathetic, Secretary Ross.” You sneered as you were walked past him. He held up a hand for them to stop you and the guards turned you roughly to face him.

“Am I?” He countered easily. “I’m not the one in cuffs.”

“No, I suppose not.” You chuckled. “But tell me something... HYDRA operated under your nose for years. I operated under your nose for years.” You mocked with a sly smirk. “How does it feel to know that you couldn’t catch me until I gave myself up? And you don’t have Sergeant Barnes. Must feel pretty shitty.”

“How does it feel knowing you’re gonna spend the rest of your life in this place? And no one knows who you really are so you’ll be alone.”

“I’ve gotten used to being on my own, Mr. Secretary.” You shrugged as he nodded to the guards.

“I suggest you watch your back.” You called over your shoulder. “Grudges are more fun, believe me.”

You were thrown roughly into your cell before the door slammed and the guards were quick to leave.

“So when were you gonna tell us?” Sam challenged after you all sat in silence for a while. “Or were you always just gonna let it reveal itself?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged in defeat, offering your lame response. “I planned on it. Just needed the right moment.”

“The right moment.” He laughed.

“You know what, this is exactly why I hadn’t said anything!” You groaned, running your hands through your hair. “If this is how you are acting and you don’t even really know me, how do you think Steve and James are going to react? You really think it’s gonna be sunshine and rainbows when they find out? … I am sorry, to everyone. I was just scared..”

“You have to tell them.. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that. I have every intention to.” You nodded. “But I can’t do that until we get out of here.”

“The Futurist is here!” Clint announced bitterly. You turned quickly and saw Tony entering the room and your interest was piqued despite how your blood was boiling. You couldn’t believe the audacity he had, to stand before you all as if he hadn’t had a hand in locking you up. But then again, he was a Stark. Arrogance was what they did best. “He knows what’s best for you, whether you like it or not. Gotta watch your back around him.”

“Give me a break, Barton.” Tony tried. “I had no idea they’d put you here.”

“No, but you knew they’d put us somewhere.” Clint challenged.

“This is a place for maniacs, for…”

“Criminals?” Clint pressed. “Criminals is the word you’re looking for… That didn’t used to mean me. Or Wanda and Pietro. Or Steve… But here we are.”

“You got a wife and kids. Why didn’t you think about them before you picked the wrong side?” Tony urged before moving on.

He bypassed Scott and stood between your cell and Sam’s. By the time he reached you, you had sat on the floor with your back against the door.

“How’s Rhodes?” Sam asked.

“They’re flying him to Columbia Medical tomorrow so fingers crossed… You need anything? They feed you yet?”

“You’re supposed to be the good cop, now?” Sam mocked.

“You must feel real good right about now.” You added angrily from the ground. “Putting the infamous Nightmare behind bars after almost a century… The only real criminal here and yet I was actually trying to do the right thing. And look where I ended up. Guess it serves me right, huh?”

“I'm not here to fight, alright? I’m just the guy that needs to know where Steve went.” Tony said simply.

“I’ve held my secrets from men scarier than you.” You laughed bitterly. “You think you’re so great, don’t you? Go find him yourself.”

“You’re gonna have to go and get a bad cop because you’re gonna have to go-”

“I just knocked the A out of their AV.” Tony cut in. You hopped to your feet when you heard that. “We got about thirty seconds before they realize it’s not their equipment.”

“I’d say at least sixty.” You countered. “They’re not that bright.”

“Look.” He lifted a hologram from his watch and you saw a man slumped over dead in a bathtub. His eyes lingered on you for a moment before refocusing. He didn’t seem all that affected by seeing your face, and for some reason, that hurt more than him being angry. “This is the fella who was supposed to interrogate those two. Clearly, I made a mistake… I was wrong.”

“I bet that’s a first.” Sam mocked.

“Starks tend to realize too late.” You rolled your eyes.

“Cap is gonna need all the help he can get.”

“If I tell you, you have to go alone and as a friend.” Sam warned.

“Easy.” Tony nodded.

“Wait.” You cut in as the idea hit you. “If you can cut the V in that AV for say thirty seconds, I can take you right up to the front door.”

“You think they’ll let you walk out of here?” Tony countered with a raised brow.

“They won’t even notice till it’s too late.” You smirked. “Loop this video feed and they won’t even notice till we’re long gone.”

“Y/N.” Sam tried.

“Timer’s ticking, Tony.” You urged. “What’s it gonna be? You get there and those soldiers are awake, you don’t stand a chance.”

“You’re not gonna pull a double-cross and take us both out in that chopper, are you?”

“Ouch.” You rolled your eyes. “You don’t trust me anymore?”

“Not even half as far as I can throw you.”

“But I think you know I’m your best chance.” You smirked slightly. “Like you said, Cap can use the help and I know that facility better than anyone. What’s it gonna be?”

“I’m gonna regret this.” He muttered as he tapped his watch before he waved his hand towards you. “Make it snappy.”

You reached into your sock and pulled the small but powerful, electric impulse devices you had stashed. You pressed it against the door before leaning your palms flat on the floor behind you and slamming the heel of your shoe against it. It buzzed and you heard a faint click of the door lock releasing. You pushed the door open and hurried to leave with Tony. You turned once to face Wanda, who was looking over at you sadly.

“I’m gonna come back for you.” You nodded and patted your chest, as if to show how honest you were being. “All of you. I promise.”

You followed Tony out and found all of your team’s equipment. You rolled your eyes at how amateur it was to keep the gear so close to the prisoners, but it’s not necessarily easy to get out of those cells, so you supposed it made sense. You hurried to grab the thick, dark case labeled Nightmare and popped it open. After a quick inventory, you found everything you came with so you slammed it shut and looked around for the ventilation system.

“Bingo.” You smiled. “I’ll meet you at your chopper. Just keep Ross distracted for a couple minutes.” You nodded before pulling off the cover and pushing the case in first.

“You sure about this?” He tried.

“Doesn’t matter.” You shrugged. “It’s too late to turn back.” You hopped up and pulled yourself in before replacing the cover.

You crawled your way through the vents as Tony walked the halls. You pushed the case ahead of you, carefully avoiding the grates but taking a peek through each one so you could plan your return. Only you would be crazy enough to plan a return to the prison you were breaking out of.

After a few minutes of crawling, you reached the helicopter. You went to the vent on the far end of the room and you carefully opened the vent. The tricky part was getting the case out quietly. You held the case tightly and went out feet first, landing lightly on your toes. You crept over to the open helicopter door while Tony talked to Ross for a moment before joining you and leaving the Raft.

“So where we going?” Tony asked finally. “And please don’t say to a watery grave that no one will ever find.”

“As tempting as that would be.” You rolled your eyes. “Siberia.” You answered as you replaced your prison jumpsuit with your Nightmare suit. You motioned for him to back off while you typed in the coordinates on his window-screen. “There’s an old HYDRA base there and it’s home to the five other Super Soldiers. The guy wants-”

“Zemo.” Tony cut in.

“Bless you. Anyways-”

“Zemo is the guy’s name.” He explained, flicking up a hologram of the file he collected for the man who claimed to be the psychiatrist. “Sokovian guy who killed the actual psychiatrist and posed as Barnes to bomb the UN.”

“Right… Woah, Echo Scorpion..” You examined the information for a moment. “Anyway, he said he wanted to see an empire fall. We have to stop him before he wakes those soldiers.”

“And if we’re too late?”

“I was able to put one of them on their ass when they were in early training but that was decades ago.” You said honestly. “If they were unstable back then, I don’t know what they’re gonna be like now.”

“I gotta ask.” He said suddenly, as if it had been dancing on his tongue for an eternity. “When were you gonna say something about all this?” He gestured vaguely to your uniform.

“Like I’ve explained about a dozen times already, I don’t know.” You shook your head with a sigh, tapping your mask against your palm. “I wanted to tell you guys but I was scared that you guys wouldn’t want me around. And judging by the looks the rest of the team gave me when they saw, I was right.”

“What about Steve?”

“Him and James don’t know.” You said regretfully. “But I have a feeling Steve figured it out already, if I’m being honest.”

“Yeah, well, he’s more observant than you think.” He nodded in agreement. “Why?”

“Why what?” You leaned back in the seat and stared at the metal that sat in your lap.

“Why the whole getup? The mask and hood like you’re some sort of vampire. Was that just standard issue HYDRA assassin stuff?”

“No, it was a choice. I designed the uniform myself.”

“Mmm.” He hummed and motioned for you to continue.

“Do you think a kid who just lost her parents knows what to do on her own when she’s thirteen?” You began. “Where was I going to go? I didn’t know if I had any other family and Mom and Dad were now resting comfortably six feet under. I didn’t have any real options other than the number they left me if they didn’t come back.”

“So you wanted to hide?”

“I wanted a chance to live outside HYDRA.” You recanted your story for what felt like the millionth time. “I met a guy and I really liked him… For just one night, I felt like a normal girl and I saw potential for normalcy. More than a spy or a killer in training. I thought if I could separate myself from what I had to do, I could get out and just have a nice and quiet domestic life. But then HYDRA took him too and twisted my arm into staying.”

“You didn’t wanna just cut your losses and bail?”

“I thought about it but I couldn’t.” You shrugged. “HYDRA didn’t exactly pay me a salary. I wasn’t a contract-killer that earned money. My reward for doing an assignment right? A scratchy blanket, a flat pillow, and a sorry excuse for food. Running water, but not always hot. Borderline sadistic medical care and constant training to be more dangerous…”

“You never thought of just shooting your way out? You probably could’ve done it.”

“I could’ve.” You agreed. “And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. But I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him once they brought him in and I couldn’t say no to what they wanted me to do. They put a chemical in my head and managed to override my free will.”

“What kind of chemicals?”

“I don’t know, Tony.” You sighed, rubbing your eyes gently while his questions continued. “Can we just- Can we stop talking about it? It’s bad enough that we have to go back to Siberia. I really don’t want to relive every detail.”

“Let me help you.”

“Oh please.” You scoffed.

“I’m serious. We can run some tests. Blood tests, lumbar puncture, CT scan. Whole nine yards.”

“Yeah, okay.” You shook your head. “I’m not falling for that.”

“Let me help you get that out your head.” He insisted.

“C’mon.” You laughed slightly in disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“Why would you wanna help me?”

“You didn’t have a choice, right?” He said kindly. “Besides we’re on the same side.”

“I’m not putting my name on that document, if that’s what you’re gunning for.” You tried. “I don’t want your help if it comes at a price.”

“God.” He shook his head. “Why do you think I want something in return?”

“Why would I not?” You countered. “Everything has a price.”

“I think you’ve paid enough prices, Y/N.”

“If you’re really offering to do this-“ You leaned forward to rest your elbows on your knees. “-that’d be nice… But you may not like what you learn. James and I have had our hands in a wide range of deaths, some more personal than others.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you may not really like the person you’re trying to help.”

“I’m helping the girl that fought in Sokovia.”

“Let me ask you this.” You leaned back. “Why aren’t you angry?”

“What about?”

“This.” You gestured to your clothes. “Me.”

“You’re trynna do better, right? Yeah, me too. When I saw what the weapons my company produced were doing, I shut it down. I changed paths. And I think you’ve been trynna do the same thing.”

“You have a lot of faith in someone you barely know.”

He shrugged slightly with a small smile.

“It hasn’t bit me in the ass yet.” He joked. “How do you think the Avengers started?”

“That was Fury, wasn’t it?”

“Yup. But we didn’t really know each other. To be frank, we didn’t even really like each other when we started. We trusted each other though… We did trust each other. And right now, I’m trustin’ you.”

“Thanks… That means a lot, Tony.”

The rest of the trip was filled with mild conversation, nothing too personal but nothing too generic. By the time you two got to the facility, you had fitted your mask in its place and you appreciated the warmth it offered. The doors were already unlocked and there was snow tracked in by people who had already come. There were no prints going out, so it was likely that whoever was there was still there.

“Good news is that no one has left.” You commented as you carefully snuck through the familiar halls. Being back in that place left a bitter taste in your mouth. Your nerves felt like they were one fire, every muscle fiber was tense and your stomach was tightening itself into a knot. “Bad news is that whoever is here is still here.”

“Let’s find them before they find us, yeah?.” Tony nodded before he noticed your tension. “Hey.” He put a hand on your arm. “You okay?”

“Mhmm.” You nodded quickly and took a deep breath in a small attempt to settle yourself. “Just haven’t been here in a while and I don’t have the best memories in this place..”

“C’mon, you’re alright.” He tried. “They can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I’m still surprised you’re not more mad at me.” You added as you began leading Tony around again. You felt you needed to talk to keep your mind focused on something other than that place.“After all, I lied. I was sent to kill Steve and Natasha, and we almost did it.”

“Yeah.” He agreed. “Yeah, you did, but once HYDRA went down, you’ve been trying to do the right thing. And I for one believe in second chances. I mean, c’mon. Look at me.”

“Thanks… It’s nice to know that not all my bridges are burned.” You smiled softly. You paused at the huge metal door, shivering slightly due to the cold. “It’s not much further after these doors.”

Tony stepped in front of you, covered completely by his suit. He pulled the doors open and stepped through, motioning for you to hang back. You contemplated ignoring him but you figured he saw something or someone that you didn’t. You pressed your back against the wall and listened, waiting for a sign to come out.

“You seem a little defensive.” Tony began casually, which made you cock your head in interest. Who was he talking to?

“It’s been a long day.” You heard Steve answer. You felt relief untangling the thick knot in your chest.

“At ease, Soldier. I’m not currently after you.”

“James.” You whispered, to which Tony gave a discreet wave for you to wait. You weren’t quite sure why. Maybe he just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t going to be a fight if you came out and were seemingly on Tony’s side.

“Then why are you here?” Steve challenged.

“Could be your story’s not that crazy…” Tony said casually instead of admitting that he was wrong. You rolled your eyes with a shake of your head. “Maybe.. Ross doesn’t know I’m here. I’d like to keep it that way, otherwise I gotta arrest myself.”

“Well that sounds like a lot of paperwork.” Steve joked flatly. “It’s good to see you, Tony.”

“You too, Cap.”

You let out a small sigh of relief as the tension dissipated between the two. You were about to step out when Tony spoke again.

“Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you’re killing me. There’s a truce here. You can drop the..” Tony said lightly. After a pause, you leaned around the corner slightly and saw Tony waving you over. “Also, I have a peace offering slash back-up.”

“Nice to see you boys again.” You greeted as you met up with them and pulled your hood back.

“Nightmare..” James said softly to which you waved slightly.

“How did you..” Steve began.

“I had a highly connected friend help break me out of prison but that’s completely off the record.” You shrugged casually. “It’s this way.”

You led the small group through the familiar halls and to the holding area. You tried to ignore the memories that begged for your attention as you traveled the facility and you did your best to ignore the echoing sounds of James’ screams. You knew it was your mind playing tricks but that didn’t make it any easier. To keep your fingers busy, you pulled one of the blades from the front of your thigh. As you entered the massive room, Tony explained that he only had one heat signature.

“Welcome to our personal hell.” You announced as you entered the room.

Initially, it was dark and cold. But as the four of you crossed the threshold, the lights in each soldier’s containments lit up and the eerie mist leaked out. The fake doctor - Zemo - spoke through the PA system but his words didn’t quite process in your head. You walked around the room and looked at each containment, a bullet hole in each one that pierced their foreheads.

“You didn’t want to use them.” You commented numbly. You should be relieved that they were dead, but instead you felt sick. Maybe it was because their bodies were there, as if on display. “You wanted to kill them.”

“Little Nightmare.” He said with an odd admiration.

“Little?” You quirked a brow in interest. “Only the Red Skull addressed me as such. Who do you think you are to talk to me like that?”

“You, I am surprised to see here, I must admit.” He continued.

“You really shouldn’t be.” You moved to stand beside Steve in front of the glass. You tapped your blade against it as you talked to keep his focus up. “This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? Nightmare and the Winter Soldier together, in Siberia. Though I’m not so sure what you hope to accomplish now. You’re not in control.”

“Aren’t I?” He challenged.

“You’re not.” You insisted. “And you’d be dead before you could try again.”

“I can still see the devil in your eyes, but you are not under anyone's command...” He spoke as he examined your features from behind the glass. You didn’t know what about you had him so fascinated but it sent a chill down your spine. And you wondered how many other men - or women - put Nightmare on a pedestal, how many others had an unsettling admiration or even obsession with her. The thought had never occurred to you before but now it mildly terrified you.

“You lured me back to Hell.” You quirked a brow. “What else did you expect?”

“It was nothing personal.”

“It sure felt personal.”

“I assure you-“

“I suppose I should thank you… For getting rid of them, I mean. I hated them.”

“You didn’t come to save them?”

“Why would I?” You used the hand with the already damaged sensors to reach into a side pouch and grab a handful of the corrosive powder you had made with Tony. You smeared it on the door, just below the view of the window. “I could best them in any contest. They were unhinged and quite frankly just as pathetic as the man who created them.”

“Surely you don’t mean this man.” He challenged before the small TV beside you started playing. “An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again but one which crumbles from within?”

You turned your attention to the screen and saw the date flash. Your mind raced to remember what happened on that day while you tucked your knife in it’s place and took a few careful steps forward.

“It’s dead.” Zemo finished. “Forever.”

“I know that road.” Tony realized.

“James?” You turned to ask. He simply shook his head.

You turned back to the TV and without taking your eyes away, you threw one of your electrical impulses at the smudged powder and waited for it to go off. You understood what you were seeing after a moment. The familiar road, the dated footage, the blur of black clothes and silver sliver that broke it up.

Howard and Maria Stark. The Winter Soldier right behind.

You couldn’t look away. You knew the story of what happened. You knew James was successful with the usual condition of no witnesses - he hardly ever failed, same as you. But seeing it now, when you both were so disconnected from HYDRA, it horrified you. To see what HYDRA made him - from an unfiltered and outside perspective - it made you hate them and your past all the more. You had no one to direct your anger at so you had to bite it back as you heard Maria’s pleads.

“Tony, wait.” You moved in front of him once he made a move for James and Steve reached to help. “Please. Let me explain.”

But what would you explain? That James killed his parents but not by choice? That HYDRA was going to kill them anyway? No, there was nothing you could say to stop Tony’s rage. But you might be able to redirect it.

“Did you know?” Tony asked quietly, looking between you and Steve.

“That footage is fake.” You lied, but you didn’t think he believed you. “It was me. HYDRA doctored the footage to keep my work secret.”

“I didn’t know it was him.” Steve tried.

“Don’t bullshit me.” Tony warned angrily. “Did. You. Know?”

You nodded quietly and Steve answered with a small “Yes.”

“I was supposed to do it.” You tried again.

You wanted to redirect Tony’s anger towards you. You knew that would truly burn the bridge between you and he wouldn’t help you anymore. But you couldn’t stand by and let Tony go after James because the pain in Tony’s eyes told you that he wasn’t going to stop.

“I told them to send me but-” You continued.

Your words were cut short but a hard shove to your chest. Tony smacked Steve away right after and went after James. You lifted your head and saw Zemo was gone but your powder was steadily eating away at the metal he hid behind, just enough for you to squeeze through and go after him. You had to make a quick decision between helping James and going after Zemo. The missile that flew past your head made that decision for you.

You hurried to help Steve get to his feet before looking back to the fight.

“He won’t stop.” You said quickly, almost panicked.

“What are we waiting for?” Steve replied. “He’s gonna need us both, Y/N.”

“What?” You grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving, looking in his eyes for something other than anger or hatred. You reached up and pulled your mask off for a moment, as if to confirm with yourself that he knew. “You really do know but… You’re not mad. You- You don’t even care.”

“The girl underneath the mask does the right thing, doesn’t she? You said that in Azzano and you said that in Sokovia. It’s time to prove it.” He said simply before running after his friends.

“I haven’t already?” You said in disbelief as you fixed your mask back in position. “On those helicarriers when I tried to help you get through to him. In Sokovia when I saved that kid and I saved your ass. Back in Germany, when I gave myself up so you two could get here. What else is there for me to do?”

“You can start by telling Bucky the truth.” He answered quickly before running back into the fight.

You wanted to scream in frustration but the falling pieces of the facility were a more pressing matter. You rolled out of the way and ended up beside James. He helped you to your feet and you nodded in thanks. You hit the button to open the top hatch and he started pulling him with you.

You two hurried away, trying to climb as quickly as you could. You heard the sound of Tony’s suit coming so you braced for impact. Tony landed a swift kick that sent you both down a level. You shook the vertigo and grabbed one of the small explosives from your belt. You lazily tossed it so it would go off right beside Tony’s head. The explosion was big enough that it knocked Tony back and against the wall, causing him to fall about three levels down.

“He’s not gonna stop.” Steve commented. “Go.”

“I’m right behind you.” You told James. Once he started going, you turned to Steve.

“You can’t really blame him.” You said sadly. “Those were his parents.”

“Who’s side are you on?” Steve challenged.

“Oh, right. I forgot that I haven’t proved it yet.” You scoffed. “Y’know what, let’s make it easy. No one’s.”

Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head in what seemed like disappointment. He made a move for Tony, shooting a wire around the man’s neck and dragging him halfway down. You were halfway between James and Tony with not enough time to get to either of them. All you could do was watch. Tony shot out the hinge for the roof door so that came crashing down on James. The two came tumbling down and Steve - who had begun climbing and was a few levels above you - jumped in, causing the three to separate.

You quickly clipped the wire to your wrist and jumped. You shot the wire and caught James by his arm as you swung across the opening. You two hit the metal platform hard and you retracted the wire as you groaned, rubbing the pain out of your hip while disconnecting the cartridge and fitting it back to your belt. You leaned over and saw Steve and Tony on the ground level, maybe twenty feet below you.

“You okay?” You asked, swinging your feet over the edge. Something in Steve’s challenge of your loyalty made something disconnect. You felt rather empty, the familiar feeling of isolation creeping into your chest. If Steve didn’t even trust you, what was the point anymore?

“Yeah.” He groaned. “You?”

“Unfortunately, I’ll live.” You shrugged and slid down. You landed between the two and turned to face Tony.

“Tony.” You tried carefully. “I know you’re angry… I get it. I do. But please, he didn’t have a choice. We never had a choice. You know that.”

“Move.” Tony said firmly.

“I can’t do that.” You shook your head. “I have to protect him… Listen to me, I know what your mom meant to you but just hear me out for one goddamn second!”

“Y/-“

“When my parents were killed, I wanted to find the man that did it.” You began quickly, desperately. “And I did. Years later, I did. And I killed him. You know what changed? Nothing.”

“Final warning.” Tony said flatly, looking past you. “Move.”

“HYDRA was going to do it either way. This won’t change what happened.”

“I don’t care.” He answered. “He killed my mom.”

Tony moved in quickly. You yelped slightly as you lifted your plated forearms to block his heavy punch. Steve had moved in behind to help you but you elbowed him away. You kept Tony focused on you, dancing around his attacks and landing calculated kicks and attempted takedowns so he couldn’t pay attention to anything else. You knew you couldn’t go hand to hand with him the way you would against anyone else. His suit was too solid for that. But if you could weaken some of it with your knives, you could make something happen.

You grabbed a knife from your front holster and gripped it firmly. Your eyes scanned quickly for a weak spot, a seam where the plates met or a gap meant to allow range of motion. You found a decent place to start, the border around his arc reactor. If you could disable that, you could shut down his entire suit. Tony wouldn’t be dumb enough to go hand to hand with three Super Soldiers if he didn’t have his suit, so you had to shut it down.

You ducked his swinging arm and hooked your own around it. You jumped up and over the arm, wrapping a leg around his shoulder and jamming the other knee into his back. You leaned over the opposite shoulder while your elbow was shoving his head out of your way and you shoved the tip of your blade between the metal. You used the heel of your hand to slam the knife deeper. While you were trying to pry it apart, Tony shot a quick, singular blast from his palm that served to send him into a spin. Your hold broke and you were sent rolling along the floor while your knife was flung in the opposite direction.

James came back into the fight at that point. Him and Steve collaborated on a tandem attack, alternating blows that brought Tony to his knees for a moment. He quickly recovered enough to blast Steve away and focus on James. You wiped the gravel off your forehead while you turned to figure out what was going on. You saw Steve on the floor and James had Tony pinned against the opposing wall.

You figured James picked up on what you were trying to do earlier - likely because the scratches around the centerpiece of the suit from your blade were hard to miss - because he was reaching to pull the reactor out of Tony’s suit. But you noticed the reactor began a glow a little brighter and Tony wasn’t fighting back anymore.

“Tony, wait!” You cried desperately.

You hurried to your feet and moved to push James out of the way, only you were too late. Tony had blown James’ metal arm off and the remaining energy from the blast had whipped across your cheek, leaving a hot and stinging sensation in its wake. You cried out loudly, dropping to a kneel as you ripped one of your gloves off. Your shaky hand went to your cheek and you gingerly placed your fingers against it. You whined and pulled your hand away instantly. m

Looking at your fingers, you saw a thin coverage of blood and pus covering the tips. You could smell the burnt stench under your mask and the hot sensation spread across the entirety of your cheek. Your tears only stung the tender area so you used your naked hand to wipe them away quickly. Ignoring your throbbing and burning injury, you found James on the floor not too far away from you.

You made your way across the ground and helped James to sit up. You positioned yourself behind him and let him lean against your chest. You brushed his long hair away and gingerly reached down for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. You felt the tears welling in your eyes again and you didn’t know if it was from your own pain or James’.

“You’ll be okay…” You said weakly. “You’re okay.”

“Your cheek.” He said softly.

“Don’t worry about me.” You shook your head, ignoring the tears as they fell despite how they burned. “We gotta get you out of here.”

“What about you?”

“I’m a big girl, James.”

You turned your head quickly and saw Steve pulling his shield out of Tony’s reactor. You had nearly forgotten that the fight wasn’t finished. Steve came over and helped James to his feet, guiding him out and leaving the shield behind. But Steve didn’t turn around to make sure you were following. He left you behind as well.

Probably for the best… For now, at least.

You pulled your knees up to your chest and sniffled. You removed your mask and let it clatter to the ground beside you before reaching up and wiping away the loose tears.

“I’m going back to prison, aren’t I?” You asked quietly, turning to look at Tony.

A petty part of you wanted him to see what he had done, the burn he left on your face. You knew it wasn’t his fault and you didn’t fully blame him. You had jumped in front of another bullet meant for James and got yourself hurt yet again. So really, you couldn’t hold it against Tony and you didn’t think you would.

“Ross isn’t supposed to know I’m here.” Tony answered, still trying to regain his breath. “If I bring you in, he’s… He’s just gonna wonder how I found you and I don’t have a- have a story for that right now.”

“Right.” You nodded slightly and turned away. “So I’m on my own then. I’ve done it before so I can handle it… Thanks for the jailbreak.”

“I’ll still help you.” He spoke numbly. You could tell he was still processing what just happened. “Just gotta- Gotta give me some time to…”

“It’s okay, Tony.” You replied, grabbing your mask and getting yourself to your feet. “I wouldn’t feel right… Just do me a favor and take care of yourself.” You turned to leave.

“Hey, wait!” He called. You turned your head but didn’t turn to face him. “Look, I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- to hurt you with that shot. I-”

“I know… It uh, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to hurt you either by bringing you here. I didn’t know there was any video of that. I’m truly sorry, Tony, for all of this.”

“Where you gonna go, Y/N?” He sighed. “Do you- You have a job or money or anything?”

You could tell he was trying to get you to come back with him, to go to the Compound. Maybe he thought it was safer for you and he could keep you away from Ross. Maybe he just felt guilty. Maybe he was being genuine. You didn’t care to figure it out.

“I could go anywhere, I guess.” You shrugged. “I think Natasha is out there somewhere… Maybe I’ll try to find her. She could probably use some company.”

“If you ever need anything or you want to come back, you can call me at the Compound.” He offered. “Take care of yourself too, yeah?”

“Yeah, you too. Thanks… See you around.”

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - SEVEN (BUCKY BARNES)

SEVEN - PRAY

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist // Hybrid Outfit

Tags: @writingsbychlo @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll @calums-betch @bangtanxberm @tgirljeep388 @spideysimpossiblegirl @whattheheckisevengoingon

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 10, 448

Summary: Siberia is behind her and while she plans her return to the Raft, she makes a new friend. Setting out on a course for answers brings her to an unexpected place

Notes: This chapter is more of a filler, meaning there’s little to no Bucky other than a little bit of mention. It’s more about Y/N and a little development for her. Enjoy! Only one more chapter after this!! So excited but also sad itll be over!

You had been set up in your safehouse for a couple weeks since Siberia and leaving the Raft. Everyday so far had been spent mapping out the facility and placing markers where you remembered seeing guards from your crawl through the vent. You noted the channel for communications that you got from Tony’s helicopter. You also began creating a list of things you would need to get them out. You fully intended on keeping your promise to Wanda and everyone waiting for you. You just needed a bit more time to get your ducks in a row. The most important and hardest thing to get your hands on was a mode of transportation.

Getting to a high security prison in the middle of the ocean isn’t as easy to get to as Siberia was.

“I know you know I’m out here.” You heard a familiar voice say in your hallway. The simple sentence pulled your attention away from your notebook and had you hurrying to see who was out there.

You didn’t realize how desperate you were for someone familiar.

Peeking out the peephole, you saw the ghost of red hair entering the apartment next to yours. You had seen the blonde enter a few days after you did and she seemed nice enough with a round face and a noticeable accent. Though you two never really talked other than pleasantries exchanged in the hall, you knew she was in the other safehouse that your buddy Rick kept in Budapest. You thought you should mind your own business until you heard the heavy crashes, groans, and thuds coming from the blonde’s place.

On the way out the door, you grabbed one of your knives. With the blade in hand, you carefully entered through the cracked doorway.

“Hello?” You tried carefully as you took calculated steps across the room. “I’m your next door neighbor… I know it’s not my business but just wanted to see if you were in trouble.”

By the time you entered, you saw the blonde was wrapped up in the curtains with the redhead you saw before. You rolled your eyes and hurried over. You knelt on one side and stepped on the other before yanking your knife through it and pushing the two apart.

“Sorry for intruding.” You told your neighbor before turning to Natasha. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh great.” The blonde exclaimed as she got up, clearly annoyed by either your presence or Natasha’s. “You know each other.”

“Be nice.” Natasha told her before looking back to you. She grabbed you by your chin and turned your head to examine your newest feature. “Don’t mind her.. What happened to your face?”

“Uh.” You gingerly grazed the still sensitive patch of skin once you pulled away from her grip. “Tony, actually.”

“On purpose?” Her eyes went wide and a spark of anger flashed in her eyes.

“No!” You defended quickly. “No, I think Tony actually liked me there for a bit.. He was blasting off James’ arm and I just got myself caught up in the shot.”

“That looks like it hurt.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “It hurt like a bitch. But you didn’t answer my question, Natasha.”

“I came to talk to her.” She pointed at the blonde over your shoulder. She stood and moved to stand by the other girl.

“Okay, uh, before we get into that.” You cut in. “Can I get a quick introduction? Cause I get the feeling that something big is going on between you two.”

“Right.” Natasha nodded before gesturing between you two. “Y/N, this is my sister, Yelena.”

“Y/N?” Yelena repeated as you said “Sister?”. You figured she was trying to piece your name to some other Avengers incident or she was trying to think if she knew you on your own. But given that you did nothing other than Sokovia, you doubted she would figure it out.

“Or Nightmare.” You shrugged and used one hand to mimic your mask. “That’s probably more familiar.”

You realized that that was the most casual introduction as Nightmare that you had ever done. Usually, she was a closely guarded secret that a select few knew. But you just threw it out there to Yelena like it was nothing. Either that meant that you weren’t as worried about people knowing or you didn’t think it would come back to bite you in the ass if Yelena knew.

“That was you?” Her eyes went wide with disbelief. You nodded slightly and lifted one of your hands to cover your mouth and mimic your mask. “Huh… Do you remember when you tried to kill me?”

“That was you?” Your hand went to your lower abdomen where you remembered you had been stabbed that day. “Holy shit.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Natasha said and glanced wildly between you two.

“A while ago I was- well, Nightmare - was sent to kill her.” You gestured to Yelena, who nodded. “HYDRA was tired of her getting in the way so they wanted her gone. But I was tired. I was Nightmare for a couple months by then and I hadn’t slept a lot. They had me on an IV for nutrients so I hadn’t actually eaten in that long either. My body was just exhausted.”

“Oh shit.” Yelena sighed.

“Sounds brutal.” Natasha added.

“Yeah, it was.” You breathed slightly. “So I had her pinned and I was about to kill her but I wasn’t paying attention and she got me back. She stabbed me here..”

You pointed to your lower stomach, just below your belly button.

“It was so deep that it sliced my uterus and I almost bled out before I was retrieved.” You finished. “And then HYDRA gave me a hysterectomy and claimed the damage was too severe and the Super Soldier healing wasn’t helping…”

“Same.” Yelena nodded. “But from the Red Room.”

“Guess it’s only fair you got me back, right?” You laughed bleakly. “No, it doesn’t bother me anymore… One of those things you can’t change, yknow?”

It’ll be easier for you without your menstrual cycle to worry about now. We’re sorry you won’t be able to carry on your family’s name and legacy but it was to save your life, little Nightmare. We hope you understand that we had no choice.

“Yeah, well. It’s been fun but enough of memory lane.” Yelena changed the subject. “What bullet does that?” She gestured to three holes in the wall behind you.

“None.” You stared for a second. “Arrows?”

“Bullseye.” Natasha agreed before slamming a pack of red vials on the table. “Now what the hell are these?”

“Oh, neat.” You leaned down and looked at the bright vials. “What is it?”

“You brought it back here?” Yelena asked in shock.

“You need to tell me what that is.” Natasha said firmly.

“It’s a synthetic gas.” Yelena began as she left the room.

You examined the vials for a moment, taking in the bright red contents as your fingers dragged gingerly across the cool glass. You pulled one out carefully and held it to the light to watch the particles move around. You couldn’t help but wonder what it could be for and why there were multiple. Your mind automatically assumed it was a weapon so you hurried to replace the vial before getting to the room where Natasha and Yelena went, catching her annoyed synopsis that she said in Russian.

“What kind of mind control?” You asked tightly. A knot had found its way into your chest and you were finding it hard to breathe.

“Chemical subjugation.” Yelena repeated. She squinted at you in suspicion, noting your obvious shift in body language. You made no effort to hide your discomfort. You didn’t care.

“Okay but what kind?” You pressed urgently. Desperately almost. “Like what- what kind of chemicals? Where does it alter the brain?”

“What does it matter?” She sighed tiredly.

“Because HYDRA played with the chemical balance in my head decades ago.” You explained. “Since the mid-nineties, I’ve been at the mercy of whoever knew the phrase to trigger a goddamn Pavlovian response that flipped Y/N off and turned Nightmare on. I thought it was hopeless to counteract it but what if this gas can help me too?”

“Shit.” Yelena breathed after a moment spent processing your story. “I- I don’t know the details. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You sighed in defeat. “Just gives me a reason to stick around and find out, right? That is, if you guys are cool with me tagging along.”

“You know, I was stuck with that too.” She tried to comfort you. “Only mine didn’t stop.”

“How did it happen to you?” You asked, realizing things didn’t add up based on what you knew. “The formula was stolen after it was used on me and I didn’t get a perfected version. Who worked on it?”

“Dreykov.” Yelena said simply.

“Dreykov?” You repeated. “As in Red Room and the other Black Widow assassins, Dreykov? HYDRA wanted to take him down years ago but could never catch him. We suspected he took the formula from Ohio but we didn’t have any real proof.”

“I thought I would see Captain America bringing down the Red Room.” She told Natasha before sneaking past you and back into the main room.

“Taking down the Red Room?” You questioned as you followed her. “I haven’t heard anything about them in years. I heard he got blown to hell.”

“Yeah, because Dreykov is dead.” Natasha added quickly. “I killed him.”

“You sure?” You question.

“Yes.”

“Tell me what happened then. Tell me exactly.” Yelena urged, clearly knowing something Natasha didn’t.

“We rigged bombs.” Natasha began.

“We?”

“Clint Barton. Killing Dreykov was the final step in my defection to SHIELD.”

“Simple as that?”

“If you call imploding a five story building and shooting it out with the Hungarian Special Forces simple.”

“I remember hearing about that.” You cut in. “HYDRA had been interested in the Red Room for years but could never find it, then everything happened here and they’re hardly heard of again until me and Yelena went at it. There were rumors that Red Room operatives were the ones that took the formula but we could never track them down. Dreykov was always too slippery.”

“You think the Red Room used the same base formula?” Natasha asked.

“It would make sense.. Complete subjugation when affected. Absolutely no way to resist but still consciously aware of what you’re doing and doing it with intent to do it right. That sound familiar?”

“Too familiar.” Yelena nodded.

“Anything else is too coincidental to not line up.”

“Where did you say it was taken from?”

“The northern facility in Ohio.”

“Were you there when it was taken?” Natasha tried, seemingly trying to piece together her own puzzle.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “A few days after they hit me with it and were conditioning me, they sent me and a small team to chase them down, sort of like a test run. I shot through the plane window and got the pilot but it didn’t take them down… I remember there were two little girls in the plane but it didn’t matter. I was told no one was supposed to survive.”

“What did the girls look like?” Yelena cut in.

“The older one had short, dyed hair. Green maybe or a faded blue, I couldn’t tell in the dark. The other was younger and blonde.” You answered quickly, trying to remember the night that seemed so long ago. “There was this guy too, he was shooting at us from the wing of the plane. I’m guessing he was some knock off Super Soldier but I had no idea who he was. What are you guys… Oh shit. It was you two, wasn’t it?”

“Sounds like it, yeah.” Natasha agreed.

“Why is it that I’ve been sent to kill both of you on two separate occasions because you were getting in HYDRA’s way?” You tried to joke.

Before either of them could answer, an explosion went off in the kitchen that collapsed the roof. Natasha and Yelena took off and Natasha yelled for you to follow. Sensing yet another fight was coming your way, you ran back into your apartment first. You grabbed your duffel that housed all of your equipment for Nightmare and everything from when you fought with the Avengers in Sokovia. You also snagged the last notebook you had left from your HYDRA days that had the letters from James safely tucked between the pages and all your planning for the Raft break.

You met with the girls in the back alley and took one of the other bikes near Yelena’s. You followed them until you were knocked off the bike and over one of the concrete walls. Yelena scared a man away from his car so the three of you climbed in while Natasha scolded Yelena for stealing. The car was soon launched into the subway so you all bailed and hid in the vents. Once the coast was clear, you all left.

You weren’t exactly sure how or why you were adopted by Natasha and Yelena but you were glad to not be alone. Even though you chose that isolation after Siberia, it didn’t make it any easier. It was different when you were alone before because you didn’t think anyone would trust you if they knew you. Steve knew and it ended up that he didn’t fully trust you. Tony knew and he thought you were going to kill you both. So, alone it was.

But it was different when you found Natasha and Yelena again. You weren’t on our own anymore. Not only physically, but to have someone understand the state of consciousness where you’re watching yourself make choices that aren’t yours to the point that you start to believe that that was who you truly were. To know what it feels like to not know who the real you was, the one who could spill blood without a second thought or the one who couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.

Sure, you had James most of the time during it all but it wasn’t as if you could hang out with him late in the night when you couldn’t sleep because when you closed your eyes, you relived your past missions. Or when you weren’t sure which version of you you were. You couldn’t help but think that you and Yelena could actually be friends when all was said and done.

Later that night, after a quick stop at a corner store, you all sat at a bench outside a small family restaurant. Yelena was explaining a bit more of the gas while you were thinking, thinking about how many others were given the perfected version of the serum. How many haven’t had control of their lives since they were children? How many were stuck in that compliant state?

“What about you, Y/N?” Natasha asked, snapping you from your thoughts. “Did you know your parents?”

“I think so.” You nodded carefully. “Maribel and Santiago Y/L/N… Born and raised in Mexico City till I was ten, then we moved to California when their HYDRA stuff picked up. They were killed when I was thirteen but by then I was already learning three languages and some basic fighting stuff. Once they died, I got picked up by HYDRA and they took me in so truthfully, I don’t really consider myself as raised by my parents. But even then, they were raising me with the intent of me being in HYDRA so the organization raised me either way.”

“Why do you say you think so?”

“I thought HYDRA didn’t mess with your memories.”

“They didn’t. I just don’t really know if they’re my biological parents or if they’re just who happened to raise me.” You shrugged. “But I do remember something my mother told me… She told me that in my heart, I would always know the right thing to do.. What about you guys?”

Yelena began explaining her own created family. Since the Red Room destroyed her birth certificate, she fabricated her own life. You thought it was rather cute that she decided her own story. You had your own fabricated backstory from years ago but you never thought to create your own life.

“What do you think?” Natasha turned to you with a grin. “Want to take down the Red Room with us? I mean, you couldn’t help me and Steve take down HYDRA but how does the Red Room sound? ”

“If I help you guys with this, I need help with something too. Well, two somethings, but one would be mutual so it might not count.”

“What’d you need?”

“The mutual thing would be getting everyone off the Raft. The Maximoffs, Clint, Scott, and Sam. I promised I’d go back for them and this isn’t a promise I can break.”

“Yeah, I think we can pull that off. What else?”

“I want to see if we can tweak this gas formula to help me too. I’m tired of being afraid.”

“You seem fine to me.” Yelena noted.

“Yeah, for now, I am. But if someone says those ten words in order, I get locked in the trunk. You guys don’t-” You sighed. “What do you know about Nightmare?”

“She never failed a mission.” Natasha started. “Perfect record, kills scored somewhere close to triple digits if not more.”

“No, not a perfect record.” Yelena insisted. “She failed killing me.”

“They didn’t count it.”

“What?”

“They didn’t count it.” You repeated with a shrug. “The doctors said it was the handler’s fault for not taking better care of me so they struck the mission from my records… Basically, if you ask anyone else, it never happened.”

“How is that fair?” She exclaimed and you had to giggle.

“Anyways.” Natasha laughed as she guided the conversation back on track. “She was the Winter Soldier’s partner but was way more dangerous than he was because she didn’t care.”

“Ruthless.” Yelena continued despite her pout. “The scenes she left were brutal sometimes.”

“Right, yes. Exactly.” You nodded. “She is all of that and so much worse… She has no limits and is the perfect killing machine. With all of HYDRA’s files publicized, even though it was encrypted, I don’t know who knows the phrase and who’s just waiting to find me.”

“But no one knows you without the mask, right?” Natasha tried to console you.

“And you have that pretty cool scar now too.” Yelena added playfully.

“The mask was never a perfect disguise.” You rolled your eyes with a small chuckle. “I’m sure at least one person - other than Steve - has figured it out by now… Y’know what, just forge-”

“No, don’t say that.” Yelena reached across the table to put a hand on your arm. “We’ll help you.”

“It all sounds like a shit ton of work.” You sighed with a smile.

“Yup.” Yelena nodded in agreement. “But it could be fun.”

“Yup.” Natasha smiled.

“Where do we even start?” You tried while Natasha came around to clean and dress Yelena’s wound from earlier. “HYDRA couldn’t even find the Red Room and we had eyes, ears, and agents everywhere. Right now we have- Well we have the three of us.”

“I think I know someone who might know.” Natasha said vaguely.

“Who?” You and Yelena asked at the same time.

“You ever hear of the Red Guardian?” Natasha leaned closer to ask you.

“Oh god.” Yelena groaned in annoyance while you were thinking.

“Wait!” You exclaimed. “Was he the Russian guy who swore up and down that him and Steve were rivals even though Steve was busy as a Capsicle? I’ve heard of him once or twice but nothing really about him other than he was a liar.”

“Bingo.” Natasha nodded. “We’re gonna need a jet. You want to come?”

“How about you call me when you need a fighter?” You tried. “I have some details to sort out for the Raft thing.”

“Same number?”

“You know it.”

A day or two later, while you were making some alterations to your Nightmare suit, you received a message from Natasha. She told you to meet her and Yelena in St. Petersburg and that she knew someone who would have more information about the chemical subjugation. You focused on finishing your new design for the night before taking off in the morning.

You added a red star to the left side of your cloak in honor of James. You ditched the full hood but used the fabric to reinforce the knees of your pants and reupholster the plates in your vest. You stitched gold accents on the plates as a nod to Tony Stark and all the help he gave you. You added a red star belt buckle and carved JB into one of your forearm plates. You fashioned another thigh holster for the two staffs you created back with Tony and you kept the mask with you. You didn’t know yet if you wanted to wear it so you kept it with you just in case. You also finally got around to fixing the short in your glove so the suction palm and mask sensors were functional again.

You took a motorcycle down the path and was wondering where exactly you were supposed to be going in St. Petersburg. You stopped off to call Natasha and find out more details when a plane came falling from the sky behind you. You turned and saw Natasha, Yelena, and a large man exit the plane. After a moment’s hesitation, you fixed your mask in position.

You had gotten so used to having it and hiding behind it that it was almost strange to be on a mission and not have it on. You knew you didn’t have to hide right now and wearing your mask would probably only make it more obvious to someone who you really were but you wore it anyway because you weren’t sure if you could trust him yet.

“This must be the Red Guardian.” You commented as you gave him a onceover. “He’s wider than I imagined.”

“Did she just call me fat?” He asked.

“I like the white.” You told the girls with a nod. “A little something different.”

“I think my vest really brings it all together.” Yelena joked and tugged the material.

You laughed slightly and nodded. “Yeah, I agree. It’s definitely the best part.”

“Thank you!” She exclaimed. “It’s so cool! And the pockets- There’s so many pockets. Do you know how much stuff I can put in here?”

“More than I can fit in my belt, I’m guessing. Y’know, I might need to change to a vest now.”

“Please don’t.” Natasha sighed.

“No, if she wants to be like me-“ Yelena tried.

“Don’t- Don't encourage her.”

“It’s a really cool vest, Natasha.”

“Oh my god. Okay.” Natasha turned to you and was quiet for a minute while she took in your new outfit. “You put the two looks together.” She said after a minute. “It looks good.”

“Well.” You began to explain. “Nightmare is as much a part of me as anything else is, as much as I hate to admit it. And while I hate most of what she’s had to do, she’s the reason I survived so long so I thought I shouldn’t hide her and try to ignore what I’ve done. I should accept it instead and let it make me something better.”

“Wait.” The Red Guardian spoke suddenly. “You recognized me! Ha ha! I knew it. I knew it.”

“No.” You shook your head. “I’ve never seen you before or even heard of you, really. Not until Natasha brought you up… I just kinda assumed.”

“Oh.” He said softly as the disappointment crossed his face.

“Ignore Alexei.” Yelena said, grabbing your forearm to pull you away while Alexei spoke to Natasha on her own. “I know I try to.”

“Hey!” You called after a small laugh at Yelena’s comment. “Where exactly are we going?”

“You’ll know.” Alexei said simply before imitating a pig.

“You’re a weird man.” You said plainly.

The walk wasn’t long but it seemed to take an eternity off your life listening to Alexei drone on and on about being Steve’s adversary.

“If he says one more word, I swear to God, I’m going to kick him in the face.” Yelena said tiredly.

“You haven’t seen either of us in twenty years and you’re only going to talk about you?” Natasha asked in annoyance.

“All I ever did was love you girls.” He defended, which made even you roll your eyes. “I did! Yelena, you became the greatest child assassin the world ever saw. No one could match your efficiency or your ruthlessness.”

“No, but I bested it.” You bragged slightly before questioning yourself silently.

Why would you brag about that?

Natasha pinched the underside of your arm discreetly and you winced.

“And Natasha. Not just a spy that toppled regimes, but an Avenger.” He said proudly.

“Is that all you ever talk about? Like, is the only thing you can do is make a conversation about yourself somehow?” You asked suddenly, cutting off his undeserved praise of Natasha. “Because none of that makes sense. Captain Rogers was on ice for seventy years.”

“We were- I wouldn’t say adversaries. We were more like, uh, co-equals.”

“Ha!” You scoffed. “He didn’t even know you existed. If anyone was a co-equal-” You mocked. “-it was me or the Winter Soldier. You’re begging for it.”

“Begging for it?” His voice betrayed he was offended. It seemed no one talked to him that way, though someone clearly needed to.

“Begging for some relevance.” You continued.

“Okay, you know what, that was unca-“

“No, you listen to me.” You cut in. “You trot around trying to relive your ‘glory days’ as the- The what? The Maroon Crusader? Burgundy Comrade?” He opened his mouth to answer but you kept talking over him.

Maybe it was unnecessary and a little rude, but that didn’t really bother you in that moment. You took it personally that he would try and insert himself into Steve’s narrative. He didn’t deserve to associate himself with your friend - if you could call Steve your friend anymore. Regardless, his stories were a fiction.

“No one wants to hear it because it doesn’t make sense. You never knew Steve Rogers!”

“It happened!”

“In what universe?” You yelled in exhaustion. “When would you have been Steve’s “adversary”? In the forties when he was fighting me and HYDRA? Or in 2012 when he was in New York fighting Loki? Just because you were Dreykov’s and Russia’s dancing monkey doesn’t put you on the same level as Steve Rogers.”

“I like her.” Yelena smiled and patted your shoulder before walking again. “Can we keep her?”

He seemed to recant a lot of stories that you knew to be fluffed up and dramatized, but you didn’t quite feel like arguing anymore so you tried to ignore him. He adamantly insisted that he knew Steve and as much as you hated that - that idea of using Steve and Captain America for clout - you knew your words were falling on deaf ears.

As you got closer, you could hear the faint sounds of pigs. Suddenly, Alexei’s impression made sense.

“Honey.” Alexei told the woman. “We’re home.”

You followed her into her house and you all sat around a table. You tapped your foot under the table, trying to maintain your usual coolness. Something wasn’t sitting right with you but you said nothing as the four talked about their “family ruse” and had a very family-like argument.

“You’re going to tell us the location of the Red Room.” Natasha said firmly. “Killing Dreykov is unfinished business.”

“You cannot kill a man who controls the very will of others… Who is this again?” Melina asked, gesturing to you.

“Most call me Nightmare.” You waved slightly. “I was-”

“HYDRA’s favorite weapon.” She cut in, nodding slightly in a knowing way. “You and the Winter Soldier. Yes, I know your story.”

“Let’s cut the shit the , okay?” You said plainly, leaning forward onto your elbows.

“Hey!” She exclaimed and your brows raised in interest. You immediately assumed she was going to challenge you but her next statement took you by surprise. “No elbows on the table!”

“What?” You questioned. “Who cares? That’s not even-”

“Listen to her and take your elbows down.” Alexei added.

“I don’t have to-”

“And Natasha, don’t slouch.” Melina told Natasha.

“I’m not slouching!” She defended.

“That’s enough!” You shouted, slamming the tip of your knife into the table and you stood.

“This is a nice table!”

“I came here for answers and you, Melina, are the only one who can give them to me. So enough playing house and acting so domestic, yeah? Because I grow tired of these games.”

“What do you want to know?” She said calmly. “You want to know about the Red Room as well or something else?”

“I want to know what you took from the Ohio Institute before I put a bullet in you that night when you .” You said carefully as you sat back down, twisting the point of your blade against the table. “The facility was burnt to the ground and a certain project never recovered. What exactly did you take?”

“We didn’t take weaponry or technology.” She said fondly, almost proudly, and it made you want to slap the expression off her face. “We stole the key to unlocking free will. In conjunction with the Winter Soldier program, HYDRA devised the first and only cellular blueprint of the Basal Ganglia, the hub for cognition and voluntary motor movement.”

“Yes, I was there for all of that.” You rolled your eyes. “What changes did you make to the formula?”

“None.”

“Bullshit.” You grumbled.

“We didn’t have to change anything.”

“Then why is it permanent on everyone else but me?” You challenged quickly. “Hmm?”

“Really?” She asked in amazement.

“Stop looking at me like I’m a science experiment and answer the question.” You said flatly.

“I don’t know.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I don’t, okay? Dreykov has chemically subjugated agents planted across the globe and there’s never been any issues. I don’t know why you’re special.”

“You call this special?” You scoffed. “You call losing control of years of my life and taking dozens of lives special? You have to be joking.”

“Do you know who they test it on?” Yelena asked shakily.

“No, that’s not my department.” Melina shook her head.

“Don’t lie to them.” Alexei pressed before him and Melina began arguing about their positions with Dreykov.

“Enough!” Natasha cut in. “You are an idiot.” She told Alexei before turning on Melina. “And you’re a coward. And our family was never real so there’s nothing to hold on to.. We’re moving on.”

“What?” Yelena breathed.

“Natasha, you should stop.” You said quietly.

“That wasn’t real.” She said firmly, ignoring your suggestion. “Who cares?”

“Natasha!”

“What?”

“Don’t say that.” Yelena pleaded. The pain in her eyes and her voice made your heart hurt. “It was real. It was real to me. The best part of my life was fake… And none of you told me!” She took a deep breath and banged a small fist against the table. “And those agents that you chemically subjugated around the globe… That was me. And you?” She focused on Natasha. “You got out. Dreykov made sure no one could escape after you. Are you going to say anything?”

After a moment of silence, she scoffed and grabbed the bottle of vodka before leaving to the next room. Alexei made a move to go after her but you got up first. You blocked his path and pushed him back slightly. He stared at you in disbelief but you stood firm. You held one hand straight out and the other hovered around your belt. You didn’t know what you would grab - probably nothing - but you didn’t really know what else to do with that hand.

“Do you really wanna try that?” You questioned with a head tilt when you noticed Alexei’s clenched fist. “I’m not threatened by you.”

“She’s my daughter.” Alexei tried. “Get out of my way.”

“You abandoned them.” You countered angrily. “You think you deserve them? You don’t deserve to lick my boots, let alone call those girls your family. You don’t deserve-“

“Y/N.” Natasha said calmly. You turned and saw her eyes were glossy with unshed tears that she tried to force back. “Leave it alone.”

“What made me different, Melina?” You asked carefully instead, not breaking eye contact with Alexei.

You were reaching the end of your rope. So far you had nothing. Melina had no answers for you other than what you pretty much already knew. You didn’t think Melina could really answer your question about why you were different, but you had no other leads.

“Why is it inconsistent for me and no one else?”

“You are a Super Soldier, hmm?” She tried. “Maybe that interfered with the serum. I don’t know, I didn’t design what you were injected with. HYDRA is the only one that can answer that. I only recreated the formula we had.”

“This was a waste of time.” You sighed before heading to the same room Yelena went to.

“I came in here because I didn’t want to talk.” She said from the floor.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you...” You nodded. “But I didn’t want you to be alone and I’m not making progress with anyone out there so…” You shrugged. “Besides, I’ll do all the talking if you don’t mind listening.”

She smiled slightly as you took a seat on the ground beside her. It was probably nice for her to have someone who may not know her but still wanted to check on her. You never would’ve thought that your decades of suffering would lead you to a friend that you connected with almost instantly, a deep connection based on something that not everyone understands.

“I get what you’re saying about the best parts not being real…” You began sadly. You brought your hand up and took off your mask, dropping it in your lap while you crossed your legs. “I met some guys before I got the Red Skull’s Super Soldier serum but I was still HYDRA. I was on a recon mission in New York… Supposed to be just in and out, you know how that goes.. But the universe seemed to have other plans for me. Their names were James and Steve, and I had never felt anything like what I felt with them. It just felt right, y’know?”

“Like none of the bad of the world could touch you.” She added gently.

“Like there was no bad in the world.” You smiled fondly as you recalled what you decided was the best night of your life. “They were truly incredible and not a day goes by that their names haven’t echoed in my head… Steve was really the first true friend I’ve ever had and James.. Geez, I- I never believed in soulmates or destiny or anything like that. And when you’re trained to be a spy and a killer, who can blame you?”

“Yeah.” She agreed. “It’s hard to see a bright side when you’re born in the dark.”

“But that first night with James?” You dropped your head on the bed behind you. “You could’ve convinced me otherwise. I swear, it was like the universe rearranged my fate to bring me and him together.”

“What happened to them?”

“James was turned into the Winter Soldier and Steve became Captain America.”

“Where is he now? The Winter Soldier?”

“I have no idea if I’m being honest.” You blew out a sigh. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. After the incident in Germany and then Siberia a few weeks ago, he went one way and I went another. And god, do I miss him… I spent so long trying to protect him from the brunt of HYDRA’s torture, but I still couldn’t.”

“You blame yourself?”

“A little, yeah.”

She gave you a pointed look.

“Okay, a lot.” You confessed. “But it’s hard not to when a boy’s life is thrown completely off track right after he meets you.”

“You shouldn’t… Unless you handed him over to HYDRA, then it’s different.”

You chuckled slightly. “No, nothing like that. ”

“Then it wasn’t your fault, not what happened to him and not what happened to you.”

“Some nights I felt like I might as well have. Like I was… Like I was a curse and no one was safe.”

“You’re not a curse.” She countered gently. “I actually kinda like you so I think you’re more of a friend than anything bad.”

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you either, Yelena.” You said gently, putting a hand over hers and giving a gentle squeeze. “I may not know a whole lot about you, but I can tell you have a good heart.”

“Are you going to find him?”

“I don’t know if I should…”

“In your heart, you’ll know what the right thing to do is.” She nudged you softly. “Y’know, that’s kinda cool you knew them both before they got famous.”

You laughed slightly and turned your head to see her smiling already.

“Yeah, it is.” You agreed with a chuckle.

“The boys may have been my first real friends but I would consider you a friend now, too.”

“You’d be my first.” She said sadly. “First that I can really think of anyway.”

“I’d be honored.” You sat up and held your arms open. She shook her head in amusement before leaning into your chest. You smiled honestly as you wrapped your arms around her.

The moment was broken up by Alexei knocking lightly before entering the room. You two quickly pulled away and you instinctually placed your mask on your face. It was likely more of a comfort thing than an identity thing at that point, maybe a little for protection. But regardless, you knew it would still be part of your missions for a while longer.

“I’ll let you two talk.” You nodded before leaving and shutting the door behind you.

You landed a hard shoulder check on your way out, as if to prove your point from earlier that you would take on Alexei if need be. You weren’t sure why you held a grudge against him - maybe his treatment of Natasha and Yelena, or maybe his persistent need to be comparable to Steve - but you chalked it up to your itch to be in a fight.

You found Natasha and Melina in the kitchen. Melina was in Natasha’s white suit and Natasha was in her usual black. They were in Melina’s weapon closet talking about the plan. You caught something about severing a nerve.

“Were you going to clue me in or was I supposed to figure it out on my own?” You asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Problem.” Melina said suddenly. “I only have one earpiece set.”

“Oh, or you can ignore me.” You mumbled and rolled your eyes.

“I’ll give it to Yelena.” Natasha answered.

“Wait.” You reached into one of the side pockets of your belt and pulled a small case. You opened it to reveal another set. “Let me tune it to the right frequency and then you and I can have one too.”

“You’re coming?” Melina asked.

“I’m not staying here with the pigs.” You chuckled as the case beeped, telling you it was locked on. You handed one ear piece to Natasha before fitting your own into place. “What exactly are we doing though?”

“Melina is going to land the Red Room.” Natasha explained quickly. “I’m going to kill Dreykov. You and Yelena are gonna free the rest of the Widows.”

“Simple as that?” You nodded with a hidden smirk.

“Yeah.” Natasha smiled. “Simple.”

“They’re here.” You said, hearing the low whir of engines. “You guys go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Dreykov’s not going to let her just march around the Red Room.” Melina said with a motherly scold.

“I’ve broken out of places more guarded than the Red Room.” You rolled your eyes as you studied a general blueprint of the facility. “I’ll be fine.”

You all finished just in time for Natasha and Melina to turn on the disguising tech and put on the wigs. Yelena came out of the room soon after and Natasha had to fire on her quickly. You kept yourself tucked away in the pantry of the kitchen since Melina was knocked out in the weapon’s closet. You peaked out of the small crack and saw the familiar armored figure walking through the room. They were the same one who chased you three in Budapest and attacked Natasha on the bridge for the gas. But who were they?

“Let’s not keep him waiting.” Natasha said.

Once they were out of the kitchen, you carefully opened the pantry and followed them into one of the jets. You kept yourself crouched behind the farthest seat. In that moment, you wished you kept your hood for a more shadowed look but no one seemed to notice you in the corner. You kept a palm pressed against the seat beside you for suction until you finally landed. Since it was night when you landed, it was easy to sneak off the jet and into the facility. You hopped into the ventilation system at the first chance you had and began moving through the ducts.

You paused above Dreykov’s office for a moment, watching him interact with Natasha disguised as Melina. You watched him call Natasha a traitor and claimed to have given her love. If there wasn’t a bigger plan in motion, if there weren’t more people involved than just you, you would’ve jumped down and killed the man yourself. But it wasn’t your business to finish, not your revenge to take.

But Natasha couldn’t do anything if Dreykov’s “special project” - as Yelena put it - was still in the room. So, you dropped in.

“Hope I’m not interrupting.” You joked as you landed. “But I wanted to see what all the fuss was about… So, you’re Dreykov?”

“Well well… Маленький кошмарный.” Dreykov smiled. (Well well… Little Nightmare.)

“Call me that again and I will rip your tongue from your head.” You threatened as you drew your blade. “For a man so slippery, you’re not the shape I expected you to be.”

“You think mocking me will do anything?”

“Well I was hoping to annoy you until you try and attack me.” You shrugged. “Or you send your lap dog.”

“It’d be easy for my Antonia to kill you. She fights like all of your friends.”

“I don’t have any friends.” You closed the distance carefully as you spoke.

“But imagine… Imagine what I could do with Nightmare under my control.” He smirked.

“I’ve done the whole subjugation thing for a long time.” You said flatly as you stood before the man. “And I’m not going to do it again.”

“How easy it must be to take control of you, isn’t it?”

Those words were the last straw. You gripped your knife firmly and threw a quick punch to his nose. You smiled wickedly as you spun and whipped Dreykov with your cloak. You flung your electrical impulse the Antonia’s suit before hurrying back to the vent you entered from. You tucked the blade and turned to face Natasha.

“Think he’ll send her after me?” You asked with a wink.

“Get her!” He screamed while she pried the small disc off her suit. “I want her alive.”

“Yeah.” Natasha nodded. “I think he will.”

“Keep me posted.” You saluted before jumping into the vents and crawling back to your original route.

You didn’t hear or feel any attacks coming at you so you figured you were safe for the time being. You put your focus back on finding and helping Yelena. After a few minutes of crawling, you found her.

“Hey blondie.” You teased from your viewpoint. You hadn’t dropped in quite yet. “Miss me yet?”

“Yelena, it’s me. It’s mama.” Melina said gently. “There’s a two-inch blade concealed in your beltline.”

“What?” Yelena said quickly, drawing attention from the doctors. “What are you going to do to me?” She recovered.

“Nice save.” You continued to tease.

“Outside, right hip.” Melina instructed.

Once Yelena pulled the blade and cut the straps, you dropped in from the vent and joined her in her fight. She took down one doctor and you easily took down the other one. You handed her her vest as she grabbed some tissues to clean the marker off her forehead.

“Where did they take the vials?” Yelena asked as she scrubbed her forehead.

“Probably down to cold storage.” Melina answered. “Dreykov still has the Widows under his control so you have to expose them to the antidote.”

“Yeah, sure.” Yelena nodded slightly. You nudged her and pointed to the vents. “Easy.”

“It's how I got in here.” You shrugged. “C’mon.”

You let Yelena lead you as you crawled through the vents. She dropped down first and landed in a very Black Widow-esque pose. She shuddered in disgust as you landed in a low crouch beside her. You two quickly rounded the corner and you slid across on your knees and landed a sharp upper cut that pushed him into Yelena. She hooked an arm around his neck and jumped over you, snapping his neck in the process.

She grabbed one arm and you grabbed the other. Together, you drug his body to the sensor and pressed his hand against it. It scanned and beeped, opening the storage doors and allowing you two to enter. After a minute or two of looking, you found exactly what you were looking for. While Yelena exchanged updates with Melina, you used the tip of your knife to pop the case open.

You followed Yelena down the halls towards where the Widows were supposed to be. Only you came up empty. There was nobody in the room. You grabbed one of the grenades and Yelena grabbed the staff.

“Natasha?” You tried as you followed Yelena again. All you heard were grunts and exclamations of pain.

“Dreykov’s office.” Yelena told you before breaking into a sprint.

As you were running, you wrapped the vials around the grenade and secured it with the rubberband. By the time you got to the office, Natasha was surrounded. You could tell she had fought them off for as long as she could, but there were just too many of them. You pulled the pin on the grenade and tossed it over the crowd so once it went off, they were all exposed to the gas. Yelena went in to help Natasha to her feet.

The next few minutes happened so fast. A deep explosion rattled the building. You and Yelena led the Widows out while Natasha stayed back. You hesitated for a moment, offering to stay with her, but she shooed you away and told you to help Yelena. You two hurried through the facility and found the runway with the remaining jets. The Widows were able to get away and you saw Dreykov boarding with his small group of guards.

“Natasha?” You turned towards the facility behind you. “Where are you? Our window’s closing.”

“Right behind you.” She groaned before she dropped in and rolled to be in front of you.

“Holy shit.” You exclaimed with a relieved laugh. You hauled her to her feet. “You’re insane, you know that?”

She chuckled lightly before nodding and running off. “Where’s Yelena?” Natasha asked as you two ran.

“Up there.” You said in shock as you realized where she was. She had climbed to the top of the wing and was positioned over the engine.

“Yelena!” Natasha cried out while you kept going. You thought you could stop her. “Don’t do it!”

“This was fun!” Yelena yelled back.

You had reached the top of the wing just a moment too late. She was already driving her staff into the turbine and the explosion sent you two flying in separate directions. You hurried to connect your wire to your wrist while you threw yourself over the edge and aimed for Yelena. The wire wrapped around her midsection so you yanked her towards you. You caught her and threw one of her arms over your shoulder as you tried to find something to fire the wire towards to slow you fall. You were hit hard from behind and saw Natasha had caught up with you and was strapping Yelena into a parachute so you helped with the opposite side. A few moments after it opened, Natasha had thrown herself away before you could stop her. You went to follow her but Yelena caught your arm and hooked her legs around you.

“Let me go!” You struggled. “Let me help her!”

She ignored your struggles and wouldn’t let you go until you were a few feet above the ground. You rolled a few times and looked around in a panic, trying to find Natasha. She found you two first as she was searching for Yelena. The two shared a sweet moment before you helped Yelena out of the harness and to her feet.

“What now?” You asked Natasha as you saw Ross and his motorcade hurtling down the road.

“You guys go.” She said. “I’ll stay.”

“I’m not leaving you.” You said firmly. “We made a promise.”

“I also made a promise to help you.”

“I’m not going anywhere unless everyone else is with us.”

“He had Widows planted across the globe..” Natasha began as she pulled out a small hard drive and what seemed to be the last vial and handed it to Yelena. “Melina will have to copy the formula but you should be the one to tell them it’s over.”

“I’m sure I can rework the formula so it’s not affected by the Super Soldier serum.” Melina offered while Yelena gave Natasha her vest. “But you’d have to come with us.”

“I can’t.” You sighed.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready to get them, alright?” Natasha offered. “Just give me a little bit of time to get my ducks in a row.”

“Promise?” You asked sadly.

“I promise.”

It took about two weeks for Natasha to call. In those two weeks, Melina was able to isolate what component of the Super Soldier serum made the chemicals in your head temporary. She also figured out what she had to do to the original antidote formula to immunize your head to the manipulation. After an admittedly terrifying time of being exposed to it and a test with your trigger words - one where you had Yelena on stand by to knock you out if it didn’t work - it worked. You had no way to thank her that you felt would be enough. For the first time in your life, you were truly free.

“How’s it feel?” Natasha asked as you two were piloting her borrowed Quinjet. You wore your newest look that combined Nightmare and Y/N, but you left the mask in your bag today. You didn’t need to hide this time.

“I’ve never been this clear-headed.” You smiled widely. “For the first time in my life, no one is in my head. No one is telling me what to do except me.”

“I’m happy for you, Y/N.” She said genuinely.

“I wouldn’t have this without you so thank you.” You offered. “So who are we heading for because this is not the way to the Raft?”

“Some back up.” She smirked as she began descending the jet. She opened the hatch and waited a moment.

Once you heard the footsteps, you turned in your seat. Your eyes went wide when you saw Steve walking in. You had no words. You hadn’t seen nor heard from Steve since Siberia and as far as you knew, he still didn’t want to talk to you. He seemed so indifferent towards you after the fight, and you felt that hurt more than having him mad at you.

“Y/N.” He nodded.

“Hi, Steve.” You said quietly.

“Let’s go break our friends out.” Natasha smiled excitedly and followed the original route to the Raft.

You swallowed hard and got out of your seat. You grabbed Steve by his wrist and pulled him away from Natasha so you could talk to him.

“Nice to see you without the mask.” Steve smiled slightly. “It’s good to see Y/N and not Nightmare.”

“You’re still mad, aren’t you?” You asked simply.

“I was never mad.” He answered.

“Oh, bullshit, Rogers.” You rolled your eyes. “You can’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” He defended quickly.

“So asking who’s side I was on wasn’t you being pissed off?”

“Look, it was a tense situation that day. There was a lot going on and I was more worried about helping Buck than anything else…”

“That’s a pretty lame excuse, Rogers.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You’re my friend and you always have been. I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

“You’re damn right you shouldn’t have.” You said firmly, crossing your arms in a huff. It was hard to stay upset with Steve, especially when he seemed to be genuinely sorry. “I know I was wrong too... How is he?”

“He’s getting some help to get everything out of his head.”

“That’s good.”

“But he thought he should go back into cryo until then.”

“And you let him?” You raised your brows in a slight challenge.

“It was his choice, Y/N.”

“Where is he?”

“I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry… But trust me, he’s in good hands.”

“Of course you can’t.” You scoffed. “What about his arm?”

“We didn’t talk about that.” Steve examined your face for a second. “Is that from the fight?”

“What?” You reached up and felt the still rough patch of skin. It was currently in a scab phase and was growing more itchy everyday. “Oh, right. Yeah, it was from that last shot from Tony.”

“God, Y/N.” He sighed, turning your head so he could examine the burn. “And you wonder why he was always checking on you.”

“Yeah, well.” You gently pushed his hand away. “I guess you didn’t take all the stupid with you when you left.”

He chuckled and threw an arm around your shoulders. You let him pull you in for a hug and for a moment, you allowed yourself to enjoy the sentiment. You didn’t expect to see Steve that day, let alone clear the air. But it was a huge relief that he wasn’t mad, James was okay, and you hadn’t lost the two people that meant the most to you.

For the remainder of the trip, you and Natasha told Steve what you had been up to and what taking down the Red Room was like. You talked about the trials with Melina and no one could get inside your head now. He kept saying. how he was proud of you and how he knew you’d figure out a way to beat it.

Once you were close enough to the Raft, you flicked on your signal jammer and hacked their system so you could allow your group entry. There were a few guards waiting for you with guns drawn so before any of you exited, you tossed a smoke grenade and gave your group some cover. The three of you moved quickly and knocked them out with ease.

As you moved through the prison, your group cleared the way easily. Even though it was supposed to be the most heavily guarded facility in the world, the guards seemed rather amateur. You burst into the room for the cells and found everyone you were looking for. Well, almost everyone.

“Where’s Scott and Barton?” You asked Sam and you swiped the stolen security badge to open his cell.

“They took some plea deal.” Sam said, mildly annoyed with their choice. You moved over to Wanda. “Two years house arrest or something.”

“They have families.” Natasha commented. “It makes sense.”

“It’s a coward’s move.” You mumbled to yourself as you opened Wanda’s cell door. You scolded yourself silently for judging their choices and reminded yourself of the choices you’ve made.

You entered and tossed the badge to Steve so he could open Pietro’s. You knelt behind Wanda and placed your small electric impulse device on the collar. You pressed your thumb against it to set it off and winced slightly as the shock ran through your hand as well. The collar popped off and you helped Wanda to her feet.

“You came back for us.” She said weakly. You couldn’t help but wonder if the collar was more than just a deterrent, something more cruel.

“I promised, didn’t I?” You smiled.

“You told them.” She gestured to her own face, referencing your usual mask.

“I told him.” You nodded to Steve. “I didn’t get a chance to tell James.”

“You will.”

You smiled before turning to remove Pietro’s collar. He enveloped you in a quick hug and you couldn’t help but laugh. With the addition of your friends, it was easy to get back to the Quinjet and get off the Raft. There were conversations about where to go and how everyone was going to hide once you had landed somewhere secluded.

“It’d be easier for me if I go off on my own.” You said towards the end. “Probably easier for you guys too.”

“We’ve been over this, Y/N.” Natasha tried.

“I don’t care.” You shook your head. “I need to figure stuff out. Things are different now. I’m different.”

“You’re still our friend.” Steve insisted.

“I know.” You smiled softly. “But I’ve done a lot of bad things and I can’t ignore that. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen and I won’t blame anyone else for it.”

“So what? You’re gonna go on some self-discovery journey in the Himalayas and find yourself?” Sam asked teasingly.

“No.” You chuckled. “But I am going to spend some time where no one's gonna find me so I can figure things out. I’m not Nightmare anymore but I’m not fully Y/N anymore… I thought I could keep them separate but that line I drew got so blurred over the years that I’m not sure who is who anymore.”

“You’re not Nightmare.” Steve tried. “You’re the same girl that believed in me all those years ago. You’re the same girl that Bucky always talked about.”

“That girl was still HYDRA.” You corrected, though the thought of James talking about you made your heart swell. “This is the first time in my life that I don’t belong to or work for anyone.”

“If you’re sure about this, then go ahead.” Natasha said gently. “Take care of yourself and check in every now and then, alright?”

“Yes, mom.” You teased with a smile. “But phones go both ways so don’t be strangers.”

“Can we drop you somewhere?” Steve sighed.

“Indonesia.” You nodded. “I can catch a ride from there.”

A couple days later, you were setting yourself up in Madripoor. You spent the past few nights at a decent hotel that danced the border between High Town and Low Town. One night, you were walking back to your room when you felt someone watching you from the shadows. You followed a modified route while you pulled a knife from the back of your belt. You knew that place well and never wandered without protection.

“I know you’re back there.” You told the figure. “And I should warn you now that I’m not as easy a target as I look. So if you get hurt, I’m not responsible for that.”

“What are you doing here?” The vaguely familiar voice spoke back. You turned with hopes of putting a voice to a face but they were still hiding.

“It’s off grid and I need to lie low.” You said as you moved in a slow circle, canvassing your surroundings to find the figure. “It’s a little rowdy but that’s what makes it fun.”

“No Avengers to back you up either, eh?” The voice mocked. You could place the voice as a female’s but nothing else was clicking.

“I don’t need them to back me up… Are you afraid of them?”

“No.” She laughed. “But I realize now they’re a sham.”

“Interesting take.” You saw faint movement in one of the shadows, a foot pulling back.

With a small smirk, you flicked the knife towards the shadow and heard a cry of pain. Hurrying over, you found your knife stuck in her shoulder, exactly where you intended for it to go. You pushed on her forehead to lift her face and recognized her.

“Sharon Carter.” You breathed as you pulled your knife out. “What are you doing here?”

“Like you said.” She said between heavy breaths. “It’s off grid.”

“Why are you tailing me?”

“I want your help.”

“I don’t do that anymore.”

“Then why are you here?”

“What do you want, Carter?” You rolled your eyes.

“I’m looking to come up in this place.” She explained. “But I could use someone on my side.”

“So you don’t want my help.” You nodded in understanding. “You want Nightmare.”

“No one in this place would even consider standing up to her.” She reasoned. “Think of the power. The respect.”

“Thanks but no.” You began to walk away. “I don’t need power.”

“Fine.” She hurried to catch up with you. “Think about the money.”

Admittedly, that had you interested.

“Go on.” You said regretfully.

“You and I could be living in High Town without a second thought. Not some crappy hotel.”

“I’m not killing anyone.” You said firmly. “I know you don’t come to power in this place without spilling some blood but I’m not going to just go around killing people… Not unless it’s my call.”

“Deal.” She nodded almost immediately. “Anything else?”

“We’re equals. No one has more power than the other. We work together, not for one another.”

“I can roll with that.”

“And it’s not gonna be Sharon and Y/N.” You chuckled. “Too easy to catch us and not really intimidating… So Nightmare and…?”

“The Power Broker.”

“Alright, Power Broker.” You stopped and held a hand out for her to shake. “You got yourself a partnership.”

“High Town here we come.” She shook your hand with a devilish grin.

You wondered if you were going to regret that deal.

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - FINAL (BUCKY BARNES)

FINAL - ALWAYS BEEN YOU

Last Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @ladyyystark @calums-betch @bangtanxberm @buckyys-doll @spideysimpossiblegirl @tgirljeep388 @whattheheckisevengoingon

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 10,321

Summary: It’s been a long time since Y/N has seen her friends. When she tries something bold to end Nightmare once and for all, can she be forgiven for what she’s done?

Notes/Warnings: This series was so much fun! Feel free to send in comments, feedback, theories, opinions, anything really! Also, I’m not super thrilled with the ending but I couldn’t really figure out which direction I wanted it to go in.

How long had it been? About seven years in Madripoor, maybe more. It felt like an eternity, to the point where the days ran together. Or maybe that was because you didn’t sleep as much as you used to. It was a busy lifestyle to keep Nightmare and the Power Broker at the top of the food chain, but the work had its rewards.

You and Sharon moved into a massive loft with a hefty rent. As day jobs and covers, Sharon was an arts dealer and you ran security at a local club. However, your scar was far too obvious so you used one of the facial masking sheets that you had seen Natasha use. You only used it to give the illusion of clear skin and slightly different colored eyes, just to ensure no one caught on.

“Have you heard the rumors?” Sharon had asked as you were on your way out. You had come back between your shift at the bar and your self proclaimed recon assignment to grab your equipment.

“Why do you think I came for my stuff?” You answered simply.

“What are you going to do if it’s true?”

“What, you expect me to shoot him?” You chuckled. “I’m gonna make sure they don’t get too much information and then I’m gonna lead them to you.”

“Secure channel two?” She asked as she took her ear piece off the side table.

“Channel two secure.” You nodded and positioned your device. “Mainstream channel three. I’ll use them to redirect but I’ll call everyone off once they’re close to you.”

“Alright.” She nodded. “Let me know when they leave.”

“Copy.” You threw your bag over your shoulder and headed back to the bar.

You had gotten wind of a rumor only a few hours ago that the Winter Soldier, the Smiling Tiger, and the Baron Zemo were headed for Madripoor and they wanted a meeting with Selby. The only problem with that was that Selby knew a lot about what Sharon was up to as the Power Broker. You went to ensure there wasn’t too much of a leak in Selby, and if need be, cap the leak.

You hadn’t killed much since you moved to Madripoor. You had drawn a fair amount of blood but they hardly ever died. You could only recall a handful of deaths at Nightmare’s hands so at least you could say that.

You ducked in your usual alley and peeled the sheet off. You laid it in your bag and positioned your usual mask. You loaded your belt and tucked your bag under the usual dumpster. You slung the additional rifle over your back and hauled yourself up the ladder so you could get to your vantage point. You hopped the couple rooftops to get across the street from the club before setting yourself up.

You laid flat on your belly and set the rifle against your shoulder. Using the scope, you could see Selby and the boys talking. You pulled the surveillance device that was linked to a hidden microphone within the room that you had placed years prior and flipped it on so you could hear the conversation. You slide up on the sensor on your ear piece to switch to your secure channel with Sharon.

“Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you wanna thank.” Selby explained casually.

“Nagel’s been outted.” You said quickly. “Permission to fire?”

“Negative.” Sharon answered, to which you rolled your eyes. “You shoot Selby and shit’s gonna hit the fan.”

“Selby is going to give them everything.” You argued while you watched the scene unfold and listened to the conversation. “Again, requesting permission to take the shot.”

“I said no.” She said firmly. “We need her.”

“I’ve disobeyed handlers much scarier than you, Carter.” You chuckled as you positioned your rifle. “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission anyways.”

“I swear to god, if you-“

“Who’s Sam?” Selby questioned accusingly.

“Their covers are blown. I’m taking the shot.” You said quickly as you heard Selby give the kill order.

Without waiting for a response, you squeezed the trigger. The bullet went straight through her chest and her body crumpled to the floor. You didn’t know if you were thankful that the instinct to protect James was still there or if you cursed it.

“What the hell did you do?” She asked angrily.

You groaned in frustration and changed to the main channel.

“Selby’s dead.” You explained quickly as you slung your rifle over your shoulder and waited for the boys to exit. “I have three targets leaving the Brass Monkey but no confirmation on the shooter. Keep all eyes high. I want them to follow me and I want them alive.”

You received a choir of responses, all some form of “Copy that.” or “Understood.” You watched them leave, trailing them carefully until you had to get in front. As word spread of Selby’s death, you watched as citizens glared at them with almost a feral hatred. You weren’t the one who advertised Selby’s death but you had a feeling you knew who did.

Your men were quick to fire warning shots, chasing them down the alleys you led them towards. It wasn’t long before you were closing in on Sharon’s location so you had to switch channels.

“Incoming in less than a minute.” You said as you ran. “I have all three headed your way.”

“Copy that.” Sharon answered. “Already in position.”

You dropped from your rooftop and utilized a fire escape so you could easily land in a low crouch on the ground. You switched back to the main channel for the final time for the night.

“Stand down.” You said but two men continued to chase. “All units, stand. Down.”

When they didn’t stop, you fired two quick shots. The boys turned quickly and caught a glimpse of you sneaking back into the shadows. You heard Sharon’s voice greeting them so you made your way back to your original alley and towards your duffle.

“A note to everyone.” You spoke into your earpiece. “When I give an order, I expect everyone to follow.. And if you think you’re above that, you will be removed.”

You removed the piece of tech from your ear and placed it back in its case before anyone could say anything otherwise. You pulled your duffle and quickly changed in the dim alley. You replaced the masking sheet back on your face and tapped the sensor near your temple. With your alias tucked away, you threw the bag over your shoulder and headed back to your loft.

“Hey, sorry I’m late!” You announced as you stepped into the front room. “Work was insane. Did you hear someone shot Selby?”

“Yeah, I heard the Power Broker is pissed.” Sharon said in annoyance.

“I bet.” You nodded, pretending not to notice the three men in the room. “I’m sure whoever did it had their reasons. Selby did a lot of under the table deals so one of them was bound to bite her in the ass.”

“I’m sure they were told not to. Selby was important around here.”

“I’m sure they didn’t care.” You said tightly while you stared down the blonde. “I heard she was selling out the Power Broker so they should be thankful that leak was capped.”

The quirk of your brow was intended as a challenge but she simply scoffed and pushed past you. You had the thought of sticking your foot out to trip her but Sam’s voice broke your focus.

“Y/N?” Sam spoke finally.

“Sam.” You greeted.

“Y/N?” James repeated, as if it hadn’t clicked in his head that it was you.

You spun to face him and your heart swelled at the sound of your name. “James.”

“This is where you went? And what happened to your sc-“

“Helmut Zemo.” You said plainly, standing in front of the man and cutting off Sam’s question. “Sokovian covert ops, Echo Scorpion… The man who killed a King and flushed HYDRA’s deadliest out of hiding, all with the same bomb.”

“Do I know you?” He asked carefully.

“Admit you did it.” You said firmly.

You weren’t exactly sure what you wanted him to admit to. Maybe you wanted to hear that he had used you and James. That he took advantage of you both.

“I’m sorry?”

“We all know you did it.”

“I’ve done quite a few things to make enemies, but I assure you I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

”You had an accomplice that day in Vienna. Who was she?”

“Vienna? … I don’t see how that matters.”

“Of course you don’t.” You laughed slightly. You quickly pulled your arm back and threw a hard right hook against his jaw. You knelt to be at his level after he crashed to the floor and you heard the aggressive scrape of a chair. “You’re lucky they’re here otherwise you’d be dead already.” You said lowly.

“Who- Who are you?”

“She should’ve killed you when she had the chance in Siberia. Do you still see the devil in my eyes?” You smirked before standing as you saw realization cross his features. “I’m gonna get changed right now and I’ll meet you up at the party?” You asked Sharon.

“Hurry up.” She shooed you away. “You’re hosting this thing too.”

“They’re your clients. And you know I hate these things.” You corrected before ducking into your room. You heard their conversation about Sam giving up the shield and Karli’s small army.

You shoved your bag under your bed and turned to your closet, looking for a decent but quick outfit. After a few moments of silent contemplation, you heard a light knock.

“Come in.” You called, not turning away. If it was Sharon, you wanted it to at least look like you were trying.

“So this is where you decided to go?” You heard Sam ask as the door clicked shut.

You peeked over your shoulder to ensure he was alone. When you saw exactly that, you answered honestly.

“Yeah.” You began. “It’s off grid. No one cared before since no one came looking for me. What difference does it make?”

“I saw you tonight… I thought you were done with that.”

“It’s not the same this time.”

“How is it different?” He challenged. “You’re still killing people.”

“Selby was the first person I’ve killed in years and I did it to save your asses. And the two after that, well… I don’t like being ignored.” You laughed bitterly. “I’m in charge of what I do around here and what shots I do or don’t take. That’s how it’s different.”

“So you decide who you kill? How is that any better?”

“Because no one is inside my head and pulling the strings like a goddamn puppeteer.”

“I thought you were better than this.”

“Yet no one seemed to care before.” You scoffed.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Like I said, no one came looking for me.” You replied in annoyance. “But that’s fine. I guess I came here so no one would find me. But no one even called and no one checked in. You all forgot about me but now that you’re here and you see me, you want to act like you care. You never cared, Sam, and you never knew me and you damn sure never liked me. So you don’t get to say shit like ‘I thought you were better’ because as far as you knew, she is who I really am. She’s who I always was. You didn’t know me before you knew her.”

“I’m pretty sure Bucky and Steve knew someone else, didn’t they?”

“Look.” You spun quickly on your heel to face him. You hadn’t realized how tight of a fist your hand was in until you felt the sting on your nails digging into your palm. “Who just saved your asses, hmm?” You relaxed your hand and flailed it to punctuate your point. “You think Selby was gonna let you live after your cover was blown? She literally ordered them to kill you.”

“But you didn’t have to-“

“Yes, I did!” You shouted. “God, Sam, you can’t be that naïve. That’s how it works around here! You pull the trigger or you end up in the ground… I’m not the same girl you fought beside seven years ago.”

There’s a small pause, as if he was letting your words sink in. He spoke after a small sigh.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. But after the Blip and the chaos, I-“

“Y’know, I didn’t get blipped away with everyone else... Instead, I got to wake up every morning and wonder what the hell kind of game of chance did I lose to still be alive? James and Yelena were the ones I considered my closest friends and they were gone. But the ones who were still around? Where were they?”

“Y/N..” He tried but the words were spilling from your lips before you could stop them.

“After everything I have done and everything I have become, I’m part of the side that was still alive… And even though Steve and Tony and Nat were around too-“ You said sadly. “Not a word…. Not even a rumor that they were looking. Do you understand what it is to be forgotten?”

“They might’ve thought you disappeared too.” He tried to comfort you.

“It was two years of fighting and power struggles around here when I got here. The Power Broker and I saw an opportunity to not live in the dirt. But they didn’t want me. They wanted her.. And the past five years has been maintaining that power and whatever project is going on with Nagel.”

“Why did you agree to it? You could be more than a hired gun.”

“It’s really all I know how to do.” You shrugged. “There’s not exactly a lot of job opportunities for a hundred year old highly trained Super Soldier assassin.”

“You could’ve gone back to the Compound with Tony.”

“No, I couldn’t.” You scoffed.

“Why not?”

“Because I walked away from the Avengers, remember? Ross would’ve had my head on a platter if I was caught near that place. And sure, I could’ve spent two years on the run with your guys, living in shitty motels and only having the clothes off my back, just so I could spend the next five seeing only half the faces I should’ve. And that is assuming I didn’t snap after seeing half the team go poof.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“I credit myself with what is realistic… The better option was for me to stay here and have everything I could ever want… It wasn’t really a hard choice to make at the end of the day.”

Sam turned his head with a scoff and you saw his attention snag on the photo frame on your nightstand. It was a photo of James that you swiped from a HYDRA file decades before. It was tattered on the edges and had a worn line across the middle from the fold. But it was still James. It was still your small token of a simpler time and you were going to keep it for as long as you lived.

“You just don’t get it, Sam.” You shook your head sadly.

“You have everything, huh?” He challenged gently, nodding to the picture. “You’re hiding the scar because he doesn’t know yet, right?”

“Yeah.” You sighed in resignation and leaned against the frame of your closet. “Things got so hectic in Siberia, I- I didn’t get the chance.”

“You have the chance now.”

“Yeah, let me just walk out there and show him the scar on my face and tell him ‘I’ve had a hand in all the shittiest moments of your life. Hope you don’t hate me.’ after I’ve been M.I.A. since he saw me in 1945. That’ll make it all okay, right?” You rolled your eyes.

“If you really cared about him-“

“Enough with the hero lecture!” You groaned and turned back to your clothes. “Steve gave you the shield and you gave it away. You don’t get to try and get me to take the high road when you ran away like a coward.”

“A coward…” He scoffed. “I’m the coward here?”

“I can admit that Steve was wrong about me.” You said simply, masking the sadness in your heart. You didn’t want to believe it before but all of your actions seemed to lead to more painful paths for those around you. “But he was so sure about you, it almost hurts me to see his shield given away.”

“If you don’t tell him before we leave here, I will.” He said before leaving and slamming the door behind him.

You picked things from your closet with no real purpose. Truthfully, you didn’t care anymore. You didn’t even want to go to the stupid party in the first place. You ended up in black fitted dress pants and a maroon silk button up. As you were putting the shirt on, another knock came at your door. You turned your back to it as you busied your fingers with the buttons.

“What do you want now, Sam?” You called flatly before you heard the door creak open. “I’m not gonna argue with you about it anymore so you’re wasting your time.”

“Ah, well, that was my whole plan.” He joked. You bit back your grin as you turned to face him. “Hey, Y/N.”

“James..” You said gently, still in disbelief that he was in front of you after so long apart. “I like the haircut.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckled, almost nervously, as he ran his hand through his short hair. “Just thought I’d.. do something different.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “You and me both, I guess.”

You motioned for him to sit on your bed while you finished getting ready. You opted to leave the top two buttons undone for a bit more of a flirty look. You tucked your top into your pants and adjusted the tuck in the mirror before rummaging in one of your drawers for a belt.

“How’ve you been?” You asked casually as a lame attempt to make small talk. You were tip-toeing around the elephant in the room, the duffle bag under your bed that practically screamed like a siren to you. “I uh- I heard about that Vienna bombing being pinned on you... And that thing in Germany.... And going back to Siberia.”

“It was rough, not gonna lie to you.” He began with a sigh. “Went to Wakanda for a while after that.”

“Wakanda?” You replied in honest surprise as you found the accessory you were searching for. “Y’know, I saw the new King’s press conference. They’re really that advanced?”

“Oh yeah.” He nodded. “You would’ve loved it.”

“You think so?”

“Well yeah.” He shrugged. “I remember how excited you were at Howard’s display.”

“I’m a little surprised that you remembered.” You smiled softly.

“Course I did.” He smiled proudly. “But yeah.. Fought Thanos and his army. Turned to dust and now I’m here. Oh, and I’m seeing a therapist.”

“Therapist?” You questioned as you sat beside him on your bed. “Does it help?”

“Yes and no.”

“You gonna tell me more?” You chuckled.

“I don’t know, I guess…” He sighed. “She has me making amends and I guess it’s supposed to be so I can accept what happened.”

“Can I be honest with you?” You asked and he nodded. “Sounds like a load of shit.”

He laughed loudly and nodded, as if he was agreeing. You smiled widely and took a moment to just admire him. His hair was shorter than it was in the past, but it suited him well. The black suit was an amazing look on him and you couldn’t ignore the glint of his tags around his neck. You felt your heart swelling in your chest and it was hard to disregard the sparks, a feeling you hadn’t had since 1945. And you really didn’t want to lose those sparks, that energy, the excitement.

“I’m serious!” You exclaimed with a giggle. “She wants you to take responsibility for what the Winter Soldier did, but that wasn’t on you, James. You may have done it, but the blood isn’t on your hands. You don’t have to apologize or make amends for something you couldn’t stop. Trust me, I know what it’s like to not have a choice…”

You reached over and laced your fingers through his. You leaned against him slightly and looked up at him with wide eyes and raised brows. His eyes met yours for a silent minute, just admiring each other. Though you could tell he was searching your eyes for something and there was a question behind those eyes, you didn’t quite care what he was looking for. You just cared that he was there with you and you let yourself revel in those moments, in that innocent contact.

“Please don’t be in love with someone else.” You mumbled. You knew it wasn’t fair to assume James hadn’t found love, but you also knew you couldn’t take it if he did.

“What?” He asked softly.

“Nothing.” You shook your head and leaned your forehead against his arm. “I like the new arm too, by the way… Vibranium?”

“Mhmm.”

“And this suit?” You used your free hand to tug on his sleeve. “I love it. You look very handsome, James.”

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Lover Boy?”

“I missed you… A lot. I- I thought you were dead.”

“I missed you too.. More than I could ever put into words. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

“Where did you go when you got out?”

“Here and there, never one place for too long.” You said honestly, lifting your head to sit up. “I wanted to find you years ago, and I almost did. But then everything in Vienna happened and Steve told me to stay out of it and that he would handle it.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” You lied. “I just stayed away until Steve told me it was clear.. But I didn’t hear from him and then I ended up here.”

“And now you and Sharon are best friends?”

“We’re work friends, if anything.” You chuckled slightly. “No, I don’t think she really likes me all that much.”

“But you stay at her place?” He raised a brow.

“I put in more work to pay the bills around here than she does.” You laughed and laid flat on your back.

You dropped your hands over your stomach and sighed happily. Having those calm moments with James, it reminded you of a much easier time. When you weren’t hiding behind a mask and when your fingers weren’t dripping with the blood of your past. It was like you were just two people that managed to find each other again after what seemed like a lifetime, not two trained killers who were linked together in a way that could never really be severed.

“What do you do for work around here?” He laid beside you. You readjusted so your head was on his chest and you pulled one of arms over you so you could toy with his fingers.

“I got a security gig at the Brass Monkey.” You explained and it wasn’t a lie.

“How come I didn’t see you earlier then?”

“I was told you were coming but not you you, the other you. I was supposed to keep an eye on Selby but I was helping at the bar when she got shot.”

“You mean the Winter Soldier?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you hear that?”

“She told me… Nightmare is here too.” You said carefully. “I guess she didn’t want me to interfere with what you were doing so you wouldn’t be at risk… All this time and she still protects you.”

You thought this would probably be the chance to tell him before Sam spilled the beans. You were trying to steer the conversation to the topic of her so you could slip it in without it seeming like a grand reveal, but it always seemed like no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get the sentence to leave your lips. Your brain always stopped your mouth from admitting the truth.

“I thought I saw her earlier…” He said tightly and suddenly, your chest felt like it was being squeezed. The sparks had fizzled and all you felt now was the smoke of what had been so lively only moments before. “How long has she been here?”

“She got here a little after I did.”

Your words were a faceted version of the truth. You and Nightmare traveled together but only one of you was truly present at any given time. Ever since you got the help from Melina, Y/N was the face and person that you presented to the general public. You didn’t have to watch your back and constantly create a new backstory because no one knew you and Nightmare were linked. But once the sun went down and deals were being made, Nightmare came out to play. Now that you two were no longer separate entities, you felt less disconnected with what the hooded figure did, and you had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not.

“Y/N!” Sharon called from the other side of your door. “Hurry up! The party’s started.”

“I don’t care.” You grumbled as you pushed yourself up. “Come on, Handsome.” You tapped his side before you slid your feet into your boots. “I’m pretty sure she’s gonna try to bust down that door if I’m not out there.”

You felt his cold, metallic hand around your wrist. He pulled you gently back to him and you turned to face him, your faces only inches apart. When you couldn’t fully feel his breath across your cheeks, you were reminded that you were still hiding from him. You were hiding the truth… The scar.

His hands went to either side of your face gently, his fingers sliding into your hair slightly. You were silently praying that he wouldn’t hit the sensor of the mask. If it turned off and he saw the scar, everything you had worked so hard to hide and wanted to explain on your own would be out in the open. There’d be no chance to explain. You wouldn’t deserve it. Despite that looming possibility, the screaming in your head to be careful and pull away, you leaned into his touch as his fingers ignited your skin with a passionate tingle.

“Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” He said quietly. There was a pleading look behind his beautiful eyes and it melted your heart.

You couldn’t help but smile softly as you dropped your forehead onto his shoulder with a small chuckle. The movement was enough for his hands to slide out of your hair and away from the sensor. He placed his hands at your waist instead, giving a gentle squeeze as if to ensure you wouldn’t have an answer that took you from him. Your hands were between your bodies and gripping his jacket. You were weakly pulling yourself towards him, desperately trying to find a way to keep him with you.

“When I was trying to piece together my life, you were one of the few things that felt right… I didn’t remember everything right away but I remembered how it felt to be with you.”

“I’m glad I made a good impression.” You joked, your voice slightly muffled against his body.

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “But I bet you have a whole thing set up here already, huh?”

“This isn’t exactly the kind of place to raise a family if you mean that.”

“A family?” He replied. “You thinking of kids?”

“Not anymore.” You sighed and lifted your head. “I can’t have kids.”

“Oh..”

“Don’t feel bad.” You shrugged. “I was on a mission for a Black Widow assassin, the most ruthless child assassin since Nightmare. HYDRA was tired of her meddling so they sent me to kill her. When I tell you she was good, she was good… I was about to kill her when she stabbed me here.” You stepped back to point to your stomach, just below your belly button. “Her knife punctured my uterus and she got away. But by the time I was extracted and got back to base, the doctors said the damage was too severe. They performed a hysterectomy and said it was for the best.” You sighed sadly.

“I thought you didn’t do field missions.” He scrunched his brows.

“Yeah.” You replied as your mind raced to come up with a cover. You had totally blanked on the fact that you told them you just did the tech developments. “It was uh- They thought they would try it out again because if I failed, I was expendable. They didn’t want to send anyone who actually mattered.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay.” You nodded slightly. “I got used to it… Oh, and by the way, if you’re implying that I have other commitments.” You wondered if he would remember that you had used that line before. “I don’t, Lover Boy.”

“Lover Boy.” He repeated with a small laugh, a hint of disbelief - maybe even challenge - in the small noise. “Y’know, Night-”

“Y/N!” Sharon yelled angrily.

“I’m coming!” You turned and yelled back. “C’mon.” You grabbed James by his hand and led him out of your room and up to the party.

He never got the chance to finish that thought and you were thankful for that. You had an idea what he was going to say and you didn’t really want him to finish that sentence. Unbeknownst to you, James was piecing your truth together.

You and Nightmare always managed to be in the same area, but never the place at the same time. You two seemed to treat him the same way, as if he was the only thing either of you wanted to focus on. As if he was all that mattered to you. Not only that, but you two talked to him the same way and had even used the same names. Not that many people called him James, and no one - besides you two - has ever called him Lover Boy. He was starting to wonder if you two were more connected than he knew before. But what really tipped him off were your eyes. He may have forgotten most of his past at one point, but there was one memory he couldn’t lose.

You think I could ever forget how those eyes look at me?

The color of your eyes was just slightly different. There was something off about your face and he noticed it almost right away. It was as if there was a film over you that made your features blurred, ever so slightly that surely no one else would notice, as if there was a haze that swept across your face to hide something. At first he thought it was the lighting, but it remained even as you two arrived at the party. But what would you have to hide? He told himself that no matter what, you were still his girl, though there was a small part of him that wasn’t quite sure that it was that simple anymore.

“I’m sending the boys to Nagel in the morning.” Sharon said lowly from beside you once you two managed to slip off by yourselves.

“You’re gonna sell out your golden goose?” You scoffed. “Bold move, even for me.”

“I need her to be there too to make sure it doesn’t go completely south. If they get enough info on Karli, they’ll be out of our business and we can do damage control.”

“Damage control?” You challenged.

“Since you wanted to go rogue and kill Selby, I have to clean up your mess.”

“Ha.” You scoffed again. “You’re really on a roll tonight, Carter. I told you when we started years ago that I call my own shots. I had to protect the boys. But I say that she’s not getting involved.”

“She’s going to.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’m going to tell your precious little James everything.”

“You open your mouth about any of it.” You quickly turned to face her. “And the only thing that comes out of it will be your tongue. Understand?”

“Looks like I found the right button to press.” She smirked and you rolled your eyes.

“If I go, there’s no guarantee I protect your precious Nagel.” You shrugged. “I protect myself and those boys first.” You motioned to Sam and James. “I don’t give two shits about Nagel.”

“You should give more than two about the serum he’s working on.”

“Fuck him and fuck that serum.” You said firmly. “What good has it done for anyone?”

“It’s given you two another chance, hasn’t it?”

“You really don’t get it, do you? I do not care about what the Power Broker is doing here.”

“The Power Broker gave you an opportunity to get out of Low Town and live the life you’ve earned.” She countered. “You worked with the Avengers and HYDRA. You’ve killed and fought in more battles and you got nothing from it. You’re really gonna throw away what you’ve found here? And for what? For a guy that you barely know but can’t let go of?”

“Keep his name out of your mouth.” You stepped closer as you spoke and you noticed a falter in her demeanor. No matter how tough she acted, she was still afraid of you. “You don’t deserve to talk about him. You’re lucky I didn’t knock your ass to the ground for that little ‘pet psychopath’ comment you made earlier.”

“If you care that much, then you’ll be at the shipping yard in the morning.” She smirked proudly. “Because I just know that every bounty hunter in Madripoor will be.”

“I’ll go but it’s going to be the last time Nightmare is ever seen.” You rolled your eyes and walked away.

You made your way through the crowd and back to your room. You laid on your bed and let out a loud sigh. Even though you were free, you were still having your arm twisted. You were still being manipulated. And you were tired of it.

You picked yourself up quickly and began gathering your things. You grabbed your duffle bag filled with Nightmare’s equipment and tossed it on your bed. You grabbed another small bag and filled it with whatever clothes would fit, your notebook that was home to the letters from James, and the framed photo from your table. You were leaving Madripoor.

You texted Sam and asked if there was room for one more on whatever crusade he was currently on. You set an alarm for the early morning and got changed while you waited for Sam to answer.

To be truly free, you had to get away from people who only wanted her. You should only have to answer to yourself, make your own choices. You wanted to be with James and you wanted to do the right thing. So, you would try to join Sam and head back to the States.

big bird: you tell him yet? cuz we could really use your help

y/n: im gonna meet you @ nagels. i’ll tell him then

big bird: as long as he knows, you can come

big bird: cuz im not keeping your secret anymore

y/n: thanks but i’ll probably need one of those pardons you offered sharon. govt isnt as forgiving as you and ol man rogers was

y/n: and i need you to trust me with whatever happens

big bird: i dont wanna regret this

The next morning, you were seated atop one of the many shipping crates. You were dawned in Nightmare’s suit and your feet dangled over the edge. You had put yourself a few crates away from Nagel’s lab so you could watch the boys enter and watch when they exited. You also tuned into their channel for comms but turned off the microphone from your end. You knew you couldn’t say anything to them or Sharon so you went for radio silence. As Sharon led them to Nagel, you noticed James was looking around as he walked, glancing up and around. You weren’t sure if he saw you at one point so you offered a small wave in acknowledgment, but all you seemed to get as a response was a small frown.

“And here I thought he’d be happy to see me.” You spoke to yourself as you scanned the area. Your rifle was sitting in your lap when you saw the first string of bounty hunters coming their way.

You quickly moved into a kneel and pressed the butt of the gun against your shoulder. You took simple shots, avoiding lethal injuries. Just enough to incapacitate them so your friends could get in and out safely.

“Every bounty hunter in the city is here.” Sharon told the boys. “And I’m pretty sure I saw Nightmare.”

You rolled your eyes and nudged your shoulder against your ear to hit the sensor. The small beep in your ear told you that your mic was on. You figured it would’ve been smarter to keep the mic off and just do what you went there to do, but something told you Sharon was going to try and make you the villain.

“Hello boys.” You said with a sly smile that no one could see as you took a shot at a man that was approaching Sharon from behind. “Miss me?”

You listened to what Nagel confessed to as you hopped down from the crates. You disassembled your rifle and tossed the pieces in different directions. Once you landed lightly, you grabbed one knife from your thigh holster and held it tight as you headed to Nagel’s crate.

You put away the blade so both hands were free to place your small explosives across the wall and you could hear Sharon struggling against the various bounty hunters. You shrugged it off and decided it was her own fault for having the Power Broker send that text.

You took a couple steps back and picked up a palm sized rock. Though it was intended for the explosives, you had to spin on your heel and throw it at someone who was coming up behind you. You hurried to meet them and swept their legs out from underneath them. When you had them on the ground, you knelt with a knee on their chest as you pulled your fist back.

“I thought you-” She struggled to say with your weight on her chest. “-worked for the Power Broker.”

“With.” You corrected before slamming your fist into her temple and knocking her unconscious.

“Get down.” You told them once you heard the rapid beeping of the center explosive, triggering a massive blow that was sure to destroy everything Nagel was working on. You broke into a sprint and came around the other side so you could find your friends.

“Hey.” You smiled in relief when you met up with James and Sam. “You guys okay?”

“Where’s Zemo?” Sam called. You glanced around the wreckage but saw no one.

“Are you insane?” Sharon yelled in anger. “You could’ve killed us.”

“Hmm.” You glared at her. “If only.”

“Nightmare, what are you doing here?” James asked quickly.

“We look out for each other.” You shrugged. “Besides-“ You glanced over your shoulder to Sam. “-I made a deal. James, there’s something I have to-“

Another explosion - that wasn’t yours - went off and cut your sentence short. You were quick to grab James by his arm and pull him away. With the other hand, you lifted your cloak to offer some protection from the flames and smoke as you made your way to Sam’s new position.

While the boys argued about who was right and what was the best direction to go, you were looking for a way out. Your brain was formulating the best escape routes but every path you found involved blood shed, and if you really wanted to end Nightmare today, you had to do better than that. You noticed a gas line and four bodies. You reached for one of the few explosives you had left and made a run for it before anyone could stop you, though you doubted anyone would’ve tried if they had noticed.

You hopped the barricade and threw your explosive at the gas line. After it blew, you ducked under the flames and knocked one of the men’s legs out from under him before a quick jab rendered him unconscious. You borrowed a page from Yelena’s book and reached your arms around another man’s neck and swung yourself around to snap it. As you landed, you grabbed your knife and sliced upwards across the next one’s stomach as you stood before slamming the blade into her neck.

You landed a sharp hook kick against the last woman’s temple and her body crumpled to the ground. You retrieved your knife from the woman’s limp frame and you noticed your hands were covered in blood. It wasn’t enough to soak your gloves but it was enough that you could smell the metallic scent under your mask. You wiped your hands against your pants in a useless attempt to clean them when you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders.

So much for being better.

You turned quickly and pressed the blade to their throat, only to see Sam and James behind you. You took a step away and gripped your knife a little tighter before you nodded to them to signal that you were okay but you doubted either of them were convinced. Though you could feel the tremble in your hands, you had to keep moving.

“What did you need to tell me?” James asked, likely as an attempt to change your focus.

He could tell something was off. He didn’t need you to say anything about it because he could see it in the way you desperately were trying to get the blood off your gloves and how you periodically rubbed them across your pants. What he didn’t know was why. That was definitely not the first time you had killed so why did that blood seem to rattle you so bad?

“Not the time, James.” You answered flatly.

Your mind was still preoccupied. Something about seeing that much blood on your hands at once - something you didn’t even understand - felt eerily disgusting. Maybe it was Sam’s words lingering in your head, that Nightmare wasn’t who you were and you weren’t supposed to do that kind of stuff anymore. Or it could’ve simply been out of shock. You had never really been the type for up close and personal slasher film style kills. Covert, distanced shots or up close but subtle takedowns. Regardless, you didn’t have time to linger.

“Buck!” Sam yelled and your focus was instantly pulled back.

You heard the gunshot and so you dropped to your knee and spun so you could fling your knife into the bounty hunter. It landed square in their forehead and you found yourself to be disgusted again. Something felt relatively sick about the ease of taking life of your own accord and you hated that it was so foreign. If you were going to be sickened by what you’ve done, you couldn’t have had those issues from the beginning? No one was forcing your hand this time but you still did it without hesitation. You turned back to the fight just in time.

You shoved James into the open container that Sam and Sharon were waiting in after he threw the pole like a javelin. The female had let off one final shot and you felt the bullet meet your torso as your arms were still up from the push. You saw the panic in James’ eyes as they pulled the doors shut.

You gasped and let out a small whine of pain as you collapsed to your knees. You pressed both hands against the wound and scooted to have your back against the crate behind you. Your breathing was ragged and shallow as you tried to get the head under control. You threw your head back and let out a strangled groan as the searing hot pain shot up your side and deep into your body.

The doors to the crate burst open and James was quick to get to your side. He gently removed your hands to inspect your wound before replacing your hands. Sam came around and knelt at your other side. You could see in his eyes that he didn’t know how to help. Sharon stayed back and you thought you saw something vicious glint in her eyes, like she was happy you were bleeding out.

“Hi.” You offered with a lame chuckle. “Hell of a reunion, yeah?”

“You’re insane.” He shook his head. “Why would you do that?”

“I look out for you.” You tried to shrug. “That’s what it’s always been about.”

“I don’t… What are you talking about?”

“James..” You tried weakly. “I need- need to tell you…”

“Maybe it can wait.” Sam offered from your other side. “Now might not be the best time.”

You fell over slightly and winced at the pressure. James had his arm around you in an instant and moved so you would be leaning against his upraised knee as he stayed close to your side.

“I’m not gonna die with- with this secret.” You tried to laugh.

“You’re not gonna die.” James nearly pleaded. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, moving one of your blood soaked hands up to your mask. “For everything. And if you hate me… after this that’s- that okay… I will love you either way…”

You removed the metal carefully and let it fall to your side. You watched his face for some reaction and there was no anger in his expression. No disbelief. No hatred. No disgust. Only fear. Panic. Pain.

“If we can’t stop the bleeding, we don’t have to fake it.” You nodded with tears in your eyes. You quickly peeled off your blood soaked gloves and reached a stained hand to his cheek. “It’ll be okay.”

“No, Y/N.” He begged, his voice cracking when he said your name. He turned into your touch and kissed your palm gently before speaking against your hand. “Don’t leave me yet.”

“It’s okay.” You whispered as you turned him to face you again. The wound didn’t necessarily hurt anymore. Now you just felt an ache in your chest at his heartbroken expression, a dull stinging was still in your side, but there wasn’t any pain. “It was… enchanting to meet you.”

“Please.” He begged quietly. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “I still need you..”

“I’m sorry.” You whined slightly. “This is… where our story ends…”

“Then why can’t I kick the feeling that we were supposed to be together?” He said as a rushed response.

“In another life.” You nodded before your eyes closed.

James had to be pulled away by Sam. Sharon tried to take your body from his arms and she promised she’d give you a nice ceremony but he shoved her away. He wasn’t ready to let you go. He just got you back.

Why did you have to jump in front of that bullet? Why wouldn’t you - just for once - stop risking your life for his? He didn’t think he was worth it, worth all the pain you endured for his sake.

But finally, after silent tears and a tight embrace that left his suit stained with your blood, he walked away.

When the car revved out of the shipping yard, you opened your eyes and sat up.

“What a show.” Sharon commented as you wiped your hands on your pants.

“They needed to believe it.” You said sadly. You picked up your gloves and began slicing the fingers to destroy the sensors. “Once they find these, there shouldn’t be any doubt that Nightmare is dead.”

“The cloak would be more convincing… Or the mask.”

“The mask and cloak are staying with me.” You defended quickly. “I worked hard on those.”

“So what’s the story I’m supposed to tell?”

“She betrayed the Power Broker so she was killed. Her body was dumped in the water and only the gloves washed up.”

“You sure about this?”

“I can truly be free.” You nodded.

“And you think they’ll take you in?”

“I have to try.”

“Good luck, Y/N.”

“Thanks…” You had turned to leave when a final thought came to you. “Oh, and if you get in my way with them, I will shoot you.”

“You better shoot to kill then.”

“Hmm.”

A few days later, you had cashed out all of Nightmare’s accounts. Everything she was owed was paid out and you were about to head back to the States. You had what remained of your equipment, though you had burned her blood-soaked clothes from the shipping yard. The rumor of her death flooded the streets and there was a division between those mourning out of respect and those celebrating in relief.

“Either this is a really cruel joke or I’m talking to a ghost.” Sam answered the phone.

“Hello to you too.” You said simply. “Where are you guys?”

“You wanna explain how you’re not dead?” He insisted. “Cause last I checked, you died in his arms.”

“Nightmare died that day, not Y/N… I want to tell him myself.”

“I hate you and all your secrets.”

“You and me both, pal.”

“I won’t say anything if you help me out with something.”

“Sure.”

“Karli threatened my sister and her kids… Can you get to New Orleans and keep an eye on them?”

“Yeah, definitely. Send me an address and I can be there by the end of the night.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You spent the next few days with Sarah and her kids. You helped her work on the boat and did the tough jobs that normal people wouldn’t be able to do. You bonded with the kids and told the three of them everything. The kids thought it was cool that you could do what you could.

They watched you work on the boat and loosen overly tightened bolts with ease. They whooped in excitement when you separated panels that were long stuck together and how you endured the foul smell of old fluids from the engine. You couldn’t help but smile when you heard their little voices speaking praises and cheers.

You thought it was cute.

When Sam and James finally made their way to New Orleans, you made yourself scarce. You had packed up all of your things and gotten out of Sarah’s house as soon as you heard they were coming. The boys were back just in time to complete a few finishing touches to the boat - with the help of the local community - and were hosting a huge event as a celebration and a thank you.

You arrived at the party a little late. You had stopped by the corner store and picked up a small gift box, just big enough to hide a certain molded piece of metal. You had the intent of giving it to James, as if the gesture would show that you were done with Nightmare and you were giving him a piece of yourself.

“Hello, Sam.” You smiled as you found him in the massive crowd. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to actually see you, Y/N.” He said gently, giving your shoulder a kind squeeze. “You doing okay?”

“This is probably the best I’ve been in decades.” You nodded. “I know who I am and I know what I have to do, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified.”

“He talked about you… Every day.”

“I don’t know if he’ll see anything other than Nightmare when he looks at me.” You said sadly as your eyes found James across the pier. He was talking to Sam’s sister with his Vibranium arm extended as the kids hung from it. “I probably don’t deserve it anyway.”

“Can you stop with the pity party for five minutes and get him to stop flirting with my sister?”

“He sure moved on quick, didn’t he?” You sighed and let your feet carry you to James.

“I didn’t-“ Sam tried but you were already waking away. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

You easily snuck through the crowd, sidestepping and avoiding the locals in your way. They smiled at you and thanked you for your help - to which you smiled brightly and nodded in acknowledgment - but none of them really stopped your movement.

“Excuse me.” You said as you got to his side. “You kids don’t mind if I steal your jungle gym for a few minutes, do you?”

“What the hell?” He muttered as he saw you.

“No!” They groaned.

“Hey, Y/N.” Sarah smiled before turning to her kids. “Why don’t y’all go fix Y/N a plate?”

“Oh no, I-“ You tried but they were already running away. “I don’t plan on staying long, actually.”

“Oh come on!” She insisted. “You did as much for this boat as anyone else. Hell, probably more. Stay. Please?”

“I guess I can hang around for a bit.” You sighed in defeat.

“I’ll go find my kids with your plate.” She smiled knowingly before heading in the direction of the food table.

You smiled nervously and held a hand out to him. It was a silent request for him to follow you, for him to trust you. Hesitantly, he took it and allowed you to pull him away from the crowd and to a quieter location.

“Hi.” You offered nervously.

“Hi?” He scoffed. “That’s all you can say right now?”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re-“

“No, you don’t know.” He interjected suddenly. Your mouth closed immediately and you felt yourself shrink down a bit. Something about the sudden interruption made you feel small, your normal arrogance slipped away. “You don’t know what I’ve been going through.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered as the tears began to threaten. “I needed everyone to believe she was dead.”

“That you were dead.” He corrected.

“Just let me explain.”

“You were her the whole time? Since I first met you?”

You nodded silently as you pressed your lips into a fine line.

“And you never told me?”

You shook your head.

“And you think a death bed confession - a fake death bed confession - makes everything okay?”

“I was scared!” You shouted, voice cracking. “How was I supposed to- to - to tell you when I was involved in everything? James, you were all I ever had to hold to.”

“Don’t give me that shit.” He rolled his eyes.

“It’s true! I never wanted to hurt you!”

“And I’m supposed to believe that? If you were always her, since we met, then how do I know that you weren’t planning something from that first night?”

“You really don’t trust me… I-” You realized sadly. “Tell me. What do you see when you look at me?”

His eyes scanned your face. You watched as his attention lingered on your scarred cheek before tracing the line over the bridge of your nose where your mask would sit. His focus went from one eye to the other before scanning your figure. He looked back at your eyes before looking at the top of your head, no doubt picturing the hood that sat low across your forehead for so many years.

“You only see her…” You spoke finally. He said nothing.

“Then I guess this was all for nothing.” You nodded as you shoved the box into his chest. “I don’t want it anymore but I can’t trust to get rid of it so I just thought…”

“What is it?”

“I thought that if I gave it to you, it would prove that… That she’s gone. And I’m still here. I always thought there’d be enough of me left that we could have a real chance but I- I guess I was only kidding myself.”

You hesitated for a moment as he opened the box. His eyes lingered on the familiar mask before looking back to you. You shrugged slightly as you took a couple backwards steps.

“And Sam wants you to stop flirting with his sister.” You added before turning on your heel and leaving.

Every step brought another tear falling down your cheeks. You kept your cries silent and your head down as you put more distance between you and the man who owned your heart since the moment you met him. And now, you found a chance to be free. To have a happy, quiet, domestic life. No kids, but that wasn’t what made a family.

A family was people who cared for each other. Who did things that should be impossible to protect those closest to them. Who would go to the ends of the earth and put the ones they loved as a top priority.

You had no family. Not anymore.

“So that’s it?” He asked as he caught up to you. He grabbed your wrist and stopped your feet, though the tears still ran. “You’re just gonna leave?”

“Why should I stay?” You squeaked before facing him. You knew your eyes were red. You knew your eyes were growing puffy and your cheeks flush and wet. But something in you wanted him to see how you were hurt. Maybe then he’d believe you. “You don’t want anything to do with me. This isn’t my family. It’s Sam’s… I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to! You only see Nightmare when you look at me and you only see the worst of her. You don’t see the girl who was beaten to a pulp when she stood up for you. You don’t see the girl who put your life and your safety above her own every single time. You don’t see the girl who stayed in a place she hated because she always felt like it was her fault.”

“What did you expect me to say?” He shouted quickly before running a hand over his face. “What do you want from me?”

“Nothing.” You whispered before you yanked your arm away. “Maybe you were right, hmm? Maybe I- I- I shouldn’t have jumped in front of every bullet meant for you. Cause what did it get me? A few scars and a broken heart.”

“Don’t- don’t go.” He tried as you hurried to leave. “Wait!”

“I never should’ve came here.”

“I’m sorry, alright? Just don’t go.”

“Goodbye, James.”

A moment of silence passed as you took a few steps.

“When you leave-“ He called after you, freezing you in place. No matter how you tried to leave, he kept pulling you back in and you wondered if he knew that… If he was doing it on purpose. “-will you forget me?”

“What?” You asked quietly.

“You think I’ll ever forget the way those eyes look at me? And that smile? Oh boy… I couldn’t forget that if I tried. And believe me, I tried.”

“Why are you telling me this?” You asked tiredly.

“Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I left you that first night.”

He carefully began to close the distance, as if you were a wild animal and a sudden move would scare you off. You noticed he still had the box in his hand.

“I thought about you every day, even when I didn’t know it. You were the constant in my head that I couldn’t get out.”

“Stop.” You took a hesitant step back.

“I thought you were dead.” He continued. “And then I saw that news story about you in Sokovia, but I didn’t know if it was really you. And when you talked about yourself before Siberia, I- I just wanted you back.”

“Just stop, okay?” You insisted. “I know I messed up a lot. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I see that now. After everything I’ve been a part of, I can’t just show up and expect you to forgive me.”

“Now I have you back.”

“I’ll go.”

“I can’t lose you again.”

“I just wanted you to know the whole truth.”

“Stop talking for a minute and listen.”

“I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“Okay, that’s great. Now can I-“

“It’s not fair to-“

“No? Okay. Y/N?”

“-think that you-“

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“Please shut up.” He smiled gently.

“I should’ve left you alone.” You confessed. “All those years ago, at the Expo… I never should’ve-“

“Will you stop?” He said softly, tucking the box under his arm so he could put one hand over your mouth and the other behind your head. “You messed up. So have I. But Y/N, it’s always been you.”

“whatareyoutalkingabout?” Your question was muffled by his hand.

“I mean.” He chuckled softly and pulled his hand away, placing it on the side of your face instead. “Some part of me always knew that it was you by my side. I trusted Nightmare because I trusted you.”

“But I lied to you.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve hurt you.”

“I know.”

“So you forgive me? Just like that?”

“No.” He shook his head with a chuckle. “No, I don’t forgive you for faking your death in my arms.”

You laughed once - nervous and relieved sound. You leaned into his touch slightly and that drew an enamored smile from him.

“I’m so sorry.” You said gently.

“I missed my girl… More than anything.”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I missed her, too.”

#jamecember #jame-cember #ptyy nightmare series #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #mcu bucky barnes #bucky x yn #bucky x y/n #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x hydra!reader #mcu fic #mcu x you #mcu x reader #mcu winter soldier #winter soldier x hydra!reader

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - TWO (BUCKY BARNES)

TWO - DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @bangtanxberm @calums-betch @buckyys-doll @ladyyystark @tgirljeep388

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!Reader

Word Count: 7,729

Summary: Nightmare has earned her position and the respect that comes with it. She also has been tasked with training the Winter Soldier. How long will be able to defy HYDRA until they take action to subdue her?

Notes/Warnings: From here on out, we’re getting a little violent so as a precursor for the rest of the story, there’s blood, violence, and curse words. If the Russian is wrong, blame Google Translate :/ Sorry it’s a later post! I was at work all day. Xx

A knock sounded at your door. You had been laying in your small, stiff bed and thinking. You thought about that day on the train, how his screams as he fell had rattled you down to your bones. It was the most gut wrenching moment of your life so far and it was permanently etched into your memory. You thought about Steve and how you had wanted to be like him in a way, a symbol for something bigger than yourself. And maybe you already were.

“Come with us, Nightmare.” The soldier told you when you cracked your door enough to hear. “There’s something you should see.”

You fixed your mask to its place and grabbed your hood before stepping out. As you walked, you threw the fabric over your shoulders and fastened the buttons at your collarbone. You pulled the hood over your head and followed your colleague to a far off, practically secluded room. You knew HYDRA was very secretive, but this seemed excessive even for them.

He opened the door and motioned for you to go in, signaling he wouldn’t be following you. Hesitantly, you stepped inside before the large metal door slammed shut behind you. The clang of the metal reverberated through the room and caused goosebumps to creep across your arms.

You looked around the room and noted the yellow glow left by the old bulbs. It created an eerie feeling in the air as you stepped deeper. The various machines were buzzing and humming as they served their purposes, though you had no clue as to what those purposes were. It was as if the laboratory was alive and the sounds of the machines were it’s heartbeat.

“What am I doing here?” You asked as you wandered the lab, eyes scanning for some sort of clue to what was so important that it was in the furthest corner of the base.

It seemed like the room was endless. The people bustling around never seemed to bump into each other like you would expect. They moved in a choreographed fashion, as if they could anticipate the others movements. You wondered how long it took for the crew to grow so accustomed to each other. It was almost sweet that they could anticipate each other’s moves.

“Come, Nightmare.” A familiar voice said. You turned your head to see Dr. Zola standing before you. “I think you’ll quite enjoy this.”

“What the hell is this?” You asked in horror when you saw what the supposed doctors were working on. You didn’t have to be at the table side to see what the secret was. A heavy nauseous feeling settled in the pit of your stomach. “What have you done to him?”

“You two will be the new fists of HYDRA.” He said proudly.

“How did he survive the fall?”

“The same way you would’ve.”

“The injections?”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“What were they?”

“We were able to isolate the serum in the Red Skull’s blood and recreated it for you two.” He explained proudly. “Your partnership will be unchallenged. This is what Schmidt wanted for you. I- I thought you’d be more excited..”

“How can I be excited when you’ve mutilated an innocent man?” Your voice was weak, bordering broken. You spoke so delicately that it wasn’t heard behind your mask.

Your fingers itched to take revenge, to wrap themselves around Zola’s throat and take his life for what he’s done. Though it wasn’t your typical response, you wanted to be the one to bring the Doctor’s life to an abrupt end. But there were too many people in the room that’d be on his side. You were outgunned.

You stepped closer to the table and pulled your hood back. Your fingers delicately traced the line where metal met man. He was still unconscious while you examined him and you were thankful for that. If you had to look into his eyes, you didn’t know which part of you would react.

Your heart thumped violently in your chest. Your mouth went dry. Your hand stopped at the metal wrist, the cool temperature a stark contrast to your burning skin. There was so much you wanted to say but there was nothing that could be said to change what had already been done. You closed your eyes and wrapped your fingers gently around the wrist, trying to gather your thoughts.

You were truly amazed that he had survived such a massive fall. Your mind flashed the scene behind your closed lids, replaying the echoing scream as he got further and further from the train. You really didn’t know if you were thankful he was alive. What kind of life was he shoved into as the ‘new fist of HYDRA’? What kind of path were you going to be pushed down by being his partner?

“You’ve outdone yourself, Doctor.” You said slowly when your mind finally settled, feigning being impressed instead of disgusted. You stepped away, allowing another doctor to take your place. “Yet the ones who taught me are dead. Tell me. How will you train him?”

You were hoping for a flaw in the doctor’s logic, an obstacle to buy you time to get James out. You had to be calculated if you were going to give you and him a chance. It would take time and you knew you could play along. But you were terrified to think of what they could do to James in the meantime, or if you got caught

“You will.” He said simply. You cursed yourself silently. “That way your combat styles will compliment each other.”

“Maximize efficiency.” You nodded. At least that way, you could keep an eye on him and try to protect him. “And if he refuses?”

“We have that covered. Don’t you worry about that.”

You turned your attention back to him. Regret flooded your thoughts in place of the horror and anger. You felt guilt for not stopping what had happened to James so far, but in the back of your mind you knew you couldn’t necessarily change it. You were glad you didn’t know ahead of time, but you hated that you found that way. You hated that he was sucked into your world without a choice, a world you were abandoned in where not even you really had a choice.

“I’m not worried.” You lied easily. “I’m interested… I have a feeling that he’ll be a hard one to break.”

“Not all are as willing to participate as you were.” He agreed. “But we have our ways.”

“Make no mistake, I wasn’t willing.” You turned on him quickly. You felt a strange feeling in your chest - pride maybe - when he backed away from you nervously. Schmidt and Zola wanted to make you a weapon and maybe they succeeded. He deserved to be afraid of you. “It was either do as I was told or be executed… I just chose the path that gave me a chance to live because it was the path my parents set up for me.”

The commotion behind you made you turn. James had his metal hand around the throat of the doctor who was standing where you had been. You moved quickly, shoving other people out of your way. No one went to stop you, but you assumed they had no worries for what could happen to you. You weren’t even worried about the doctors. You were worried for what the Doctor had in mind to make James compliant.

You grabbed his wrist with both hands and pulled downward to break his grip. You elbowed the doctor away as you tried to force James’ arm back down to the table.

“Don’t fight me on this.” You muttered, your eyes pleading. “I’m probably the only one that can make this easier on you. Let me help you, please.”

“Where am I?” His voice was raspy, almost inaudible.

Before you could answer, he was injected with a heavy sedative. Maybe it was better that you didn’t have a chance to say anything. You didn’t have an answer that would put him at ease while maintaining Nightmare’s heartless persona.

“Put him on ice.” Zola instructed before turning to you. “See? You are a force to be reckoned with on your own.. Put you two together?”

“Unstoppable.” You repeated and you hated that you saw the potential of your pairing. “Answer me this… Would you do to me what you do to him if I wasn’t cooperative? Or if I stop cooperating?”

“We don’t need to think about that.” He said with almost a fond smile. “You always carry out your tasks perfectly.”

“Right…” You nodded. “And how will you hide him?”

“Same way we hide you from the world… With the Red Skull gone, it will be your time to lead HYDRA into a new age of power. This is what we’ve been training you for.”

“Is that all then?” You wanted to get out of that room. The yellow glow was beginning to suffocate you. “You just wanted to show me what you’ve done to Sergeant Barnes?”

“You don’t approve? You two were his most brilliant idea, his crowning achievements.”

“The Red Skull was never that bright. He was just charismatic and white… And he was so goddamn sure he had the right.” You ranted. You didn’t regret the words coming out of your mouth and your brain was moving too fast to process any potential consequences. “He was ugly and I’m glad he’s dead. There was no candle in that bright red pumpkin head.”

“You should thank him.” Zola clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Without the serum in your veins -the serum we extracted from his blood - you wouldn’t be who you are today.”

“I should’ve killed you. I had every right.” You stepped closer to him, forcing him to cower away from you again. Only slightly did you enjoy watching that fear in his eyes.

“You just caught me off guard this time.” You pointed to James. “You’re not special for winning a game with people that you know were never playing.”

“I think you’ll grow to appreciate the gift we’ve given you.” He said smugly.

“I don’t think I will.” You shook your head. “But go ahead and keep telling yourself that.”

You glanced over to see the two guards at the door had gripped their guns a bit tighter, fingers hovering the trigger as they stared you down. You quickly realized they were ready to fire on you. How had you not realized them when you came in?

“How long until I begin training him?” You asked in resignation. Zola backed you into a corner and he knew exactly what he was doing.

The time between James being on ice and actively training with you was always scattered. They would unfreeze him, toy with his head, and send him to you. It was as if they thought they could push him to some ferocity, some feral state of mind. But it didn’t quite seem to work, not for long at least. And definitely not in the beginning.

They had begun moving you and James often. Different HYDRA camps across Europe, time spent training the Winter Soldier and accomplishing your own missions. When SHIELD began in the 60’s, you had access to so much more information and technology. You began the continuous task of updating your gear and the ingrained HYDRA agents kept your activities off any records.

One day, you were supposed to teach him to fight with handheld blades. He wasn’t completely hopeless with the weapons, but he definitely needed work. You could tell when he was himself and when he was fresh off HYDRA’s torture. There was more intent when he was the asset HYDRA wanted him to be.

You had ducked a thrown blade and rolled through a tumble to bring yourself right in front of him. You elbowed the back of his knee to force him down and swiped your blade quickly, cutting a slice from the center of his chest to his shoulder. You wiped the blood against the sleeve of your shirt before tucking your blade away and getting to your feet.

You held a hand for him to take and pulled him up.

“Clean him up and bring him back.” One of the scientists told you.

He quietly followed you down the familiar path to your room. He entered behind you and shut the door. He took his usual place at your desk while you got your supplies from the bathroom. You could tell by the regretful look in his eyes that he was James in those moments and not the Winter Soldier.

“You did well today.” You said simply as you came back to the main room, pretending not to notice the switch. “You’re picking up on everything pretty quick but truthfully, there’s still a lot left that you could learn. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started sending you on field missions soon.”

“I don’t want to do this.” He mumbled, his eyes stuck on the ground.

“I noticed that you attack mostly with your left hand when you come to me after being with the scientists…” You commented, acting as if you didn’t hear his confession even though you didn’t need to hear it to know. “Did you always fight that way?”

“I’m actually uh, right handed.” He sighed in resignation, as if to express that he knew you wouldn’t care. “I don’t want to do this.” He said again.

“I know.” You answered simply, gesturing for him to remove his shirt while you tossed your hooded cloak aside. “God stood us up… You’re too good a man to be here. I’ve always known that.”

“I don’t think you’re as bad as you pretend to be.” He offered a small smile as he discarded the torn fabric. You could tell he was trying to build a foundation for a friendship, but it was safer if you kept each other at arm’s length.

“No. Unfortunately, I'm worse… I got you good, didn’t I?” You ran your fingers under the long slice that was still leaking blood and truly felt bad. “I didn’t mean to.”

He simply shrugged it off before changing the subject. “I’ve been meaning to ask you… If it’s alright with you, of course.”

“You ask too many questions, they’ll know you’re yourself. It’s dangerous to be yourself around here.” You said honestly. You used your knee to push his legs apart to allow you to stand closer and pulled a couple gauze pads from your kit. “But since it’s just us, go ahead.”

“What’s with the mask and the hood?”

“Anonymity.” You gently placed gauze along the cut and it instantly stuck to the deep injury.

“But why? What are you hiding from?”

“Hiding from the truth, I guess. Believe it or not, I didn’t choose this.” You stood and placed your hand along the gauze. The other hand went to his shoulder. “Brace yourself.” You said before putting pressure to stop the bleeding. “I’m only here because my choices were either to fully commit to HYDRA or die on the streets, thanks to my parents.”

You peeled the gauze back and switched to an alcohol wipe before continuing. You spoke while you cleaned the area of the drying blood.

“Anyway, I'm pretty good at what I do here and I guess it just comes naturally. And usually, I hate myself for it but I do take a certain level of pride in my work.”

He winced when the wipe came into contact with the open wound and gripped your wrist. You ignored it and switched hands to keep working. You knew someone would be at your door quickly to take him away and if he wasn’t patched up, there would be issues.

“The mask and hood hide who I am so maybe I can get away from this and have a normal life someday. Only the Red Skull and Dr. Zola know who I am without it and now I only have it off when I’m by myself… But the Red Skull died the same day Captain Rogers did so that just leaves the doctor, and he walks a fine line between living and dying at my hands. Especially after the stunt he pulled by doing this to you.”

You watched his face for a reaction about Steve Rogers. When you saw nothing, you wondered if he was putting on a brave front or if HYDRA had managed to mangle that much of his memory of Steve.

“So what, you wanna retire with a family?” He asked gently.

“Not likely… Last guy I actually liked, he died in the war.” You lied. “And one of the few friends I had went out the same way.”

You tossed the wipe with the gauze and carefully threaded a needle.

“What side were they fighting for?”

“The side I couldn’t help them on… And I guess it’s for myself too. Nightmare does all the terrible things so-“ You paused. You thought about your real name, something you hadn’t spoken in so long. You couldn’t even remember how long it actually had been. Months? Years? Everything had blurred together so quickly since the war ended. “-so the real me doesn’t have to.”

“And who is the real you?”

“Someone you’d hate if you knew the truth., assuming you don’t hate me already.” You began stitching the gash up. He hissed slightly, clenching his jaw and making a fist. You snuck glances at his metal arm as you worked, ensuring no sudden moves at your expense were made. You weren’t necessarily scared of the arm, since he was more himself than Winter Soldier, but the potential of a sudden jerk reaction was still there.

“And very few - if any - know my real name around here. I was very adamant about it not in any of the computer systems or on any files… HYDRA only keeps record of Nightmare so don’t think about asking around.” You joked lightly. It seemed like even after everything, James had a way of making you forget your circumstances. You couldn’t help but adore him for that.

The knock sounded as you were knotting the end of the stitches, suddenly reminding you of who and what you were. You wondered how many were waiting and if you would be able to take them out. James could help you… You two could escape… You could tell him the truth.

A harder, more urgent knock sounded less than a minute later.

“And soon, those records will contain the Winter Soldier as well…” You said with a tight smile, having to put that wall back up between the two of you. You had teetered too close to being Y/N with him, and it was a risk neither of you could afford. “This is where our time together ends, Soldier. Until next time.”

“For someone so secretive-“ He commented as he stood, pulling his shirt back over his head. “-you sure told me a lot.”

“Something tells me it won’t be a very prominent memory later...” You admitted sadly.

You trained and patched up the Winter Soldier for decades. You accompanied him on high-risk missions occasionally during the time that HYDRA wasn’t completely certain that the programming would stick. You could tell he trusted you, and whether that was because you were the only constant or because you had met in another life, you didn’t know.

You were glad that you were able to stay close to him because you could keep an eye on him and protect him, but that also meant you were the one to prep him for the scientists to meddle in his head. You were always quick to leave the room before the torture began, sometimes quite literally running out of the room.

In the late eighties, he was transferred to Siberia. There was a bunker that would hold not only him, but the five other prospective super-soldiers. You were sent there years later to check the status and see how they compared to you, to decide if they were an endeavor worth pursuing.

Through it all, you were still HYDRA’s go-to weapon. You had the most vast and deadly repertoire of skills, trained by the best the organization had to offer. You were the quickest and quietest combat operative on the roster. Only the Winter Soldier’s strength rivaled yours but you attributed it to the difference in muscle mass. You also held the record for most completed kill missions in HYDRA history.

You were an expert in multiple forms of hand to hand combat. Your accuracy with throwing knives was perfection, as was your shot with a gun. You mastered a few forms of gymnastics and acrobatics. When you weren’t training your physical skill set, you were studying various sciences and upgrading your technology and weaponry.

You had developed an unbreakable magnetic seal between your mask, hood, and shirt that could only be disrupted by a multi-factor sensor embedded in the jawline of your mask and the trigger was in the fingertips of your gloves. You had worked on suction palms for your gloves, allowing you to hang and attach to practically any surface. You fashioned a high energy stun gun, compact - yet powerful - explosives, handheld blades that could be dismantled with handles that doubled as dart shooters. You were also known for using whatever was around you to substitute as a weapon. To put it simply, Nightmare lived up to the name.

The day you arrived in Siberia, it was quiet. There wasn’t the usual bustle of HYDRA operatives, but maybe that’s how this bunker usually was. You were guided through the facility by three soldiers, one in front and two behind. They held their guns at the ready, but you suspected the weapons weren’t for you. As you got closer to the training cage, you heard the grunts and groans of combat that began to dull.

You were let in the gate and observed silently. There were a few security guards scattered through the enclosure, one soldier was ready to display his skills, the other four sat on the bench to the side. Between the men standing, you wouldn’t have been able to guess who had just been going against one another. You saw James on the other side with who you assumed was the man in charge of the facility.

You quickly realized it wasn’t James you saw. It was the Winter Soldier. His hair was longer than the last time you saw him, but you figured HYDRA didn’t keep a barber on hand. Other than that, he physically looked the same, maybe more muscular. You figured the difference was something you couldn’t see. You crossed the distance to the two and pulled your hood back. The general smiled at you before looking over your shoulder to the soldier standing behind you still.

You nodded in understanding and undid the button on the front of your hood. You handed it to the general, who passed it to James. You had to refrain from rolling your eyes so you turned on your heel and tilted your head while you studied your opponent.

Tall. Broad shoulders, thick muscles covering his body. There was an aura of arrogance around him and you assumed none of the other four had won against him yet. You wondered if the Winter Soldier had gone against him yet. He eyed you like you were dinner while you were distracted momentarily by your thoughts. You couldn’t help but smirk under your mask when you realized he had already discarded you as a threat. Even though you despised what you had to do, you did tend to find joy in putting men like him down.

You moved quickly. He swung a heavy left hook and you blocked it with your left forearm. You used your right for three calculated body shots aimed for pressure points before using both hands to grip his shirt front and slam him to his back. Using one hand flat on the ground, you slid on the side of your leg to close the distance.

You swung a leg over his torso and squeezed your legs together to secure your position. You leaned forward and used your head to push his to the side. The background sounds of enthusiastic hoots and empathetic exclaims echoed against the empty walls. You stuck your fingers under his shirt collar and used the corresponding forearm to press against his neck. Your other hand slid behind his neck, placing your thumb between the fingers of your fist. You leaned into your elbows to give your hips room so you could tuck your knee and press it against his stomach. In a quick move, you swung your legs to reposition yourself above his shoulders.

Your forearm was still against his throat and your hand had twisted his collar to wrap around his neck. From your new position, you pulled up and propped his torso against an upraised knee. He coughed and wheezed, clawed at your forearm and kicked his legs, but no escape was successful. You were going to wait until the man tapped, until his ego was broken and he had to yield unless he wanted to choke to death. You yanked your hands back, applying more pressure to his throat, which also silenced his buddies on the bench.

You saw his hands reaching back, trying to grab your hair or your shirt, anything he could get a hold of for leverage. You slid over to be directly behind him before dropping flat on your back and pulling him down with you. You flattened out your feet and pushed off to flip him to his stomach. Without letting go of the grip you had, you placed a knee between his shoulders and leaned your weight into it. He wouldn’t survive much longer if he refused to yield.

The only reason you broke your hold was because you heard the general tell you to let go. For a moment, you contemplated ignoring the command, but the guns around you made that decision for you. You released your fingers and held your hands up in surrender as you left the man on his face. You pushed him to the side and stepped over his back to stand in front of the general again. You held a hand out for your cloak and it was handed over in silence.

“Если это лучшее, что вы можете предложить…” You said simply, glancing over your shoulder to see him still on the ground with a hand rubbing his throat. “Он жалкий.” You laughed. (If that’s the best you can offer… He’s pathetic.)

“Они будут более чем готовы в следующий раз, когда вы их увидите.” He nodded, nearly embarrassed of his soldier’s poor performance. (They will be more than ready the next time you see them.)

“А он?” You nodded to James. “Как он прогрессирует с тех пор, как он у тебя был?” (And him? How is he progressing since you’ve had him?)

“Хочешь убедиться в этом сами?” He raised his brows before turning to James. “Солдат.” (Would you like to see for yourself? Soldier.)

“Ах, зимний солдат.” You smiled beneath your mask, amusement dancing in your voice. “Ничего не сдерживайте.” (Ah, the Winter Soldier. Don’t hold anything back.)

Admittedly, you were a bit excited to spar with him. You couldn’t quite place why but it made your nerves ignite with anticipation. You stepped to the now empty space where the man had previously been on his face, fixing your hood to it’s rightful position over your shoulders. When you turned back to face him, he was already staring at you, seemingly waiting for you to make the first move.

You knew you were at a disadvantage. While training him, he learned your fighting style. He knew what moves you favored and what moves you could pull out if you were desperate. He knew how to counter your attacks and how to work in tandem. You, however, did not know what had changed with his fighting style, so you stayed in your position until the general grew impatient and told him to attack.

He came in with a heavy left hook. You leaned away from it but he came back with a hard elbow. You spun away from it and leaned into a high hook kick that connected with his jaw. You recovered in a kneel and came up with a hard uppercut. He landed a punch square in your chest that sent you wobbling back and coughing. You nodded your head slightly in acknowledgement of that contact before reacting.

You closed the distance and began trading blows. You kept your arms tight as you threw body shots, targeting the soft tissue under the sternum and at his sides. He caught some of your punches, but you would drive a knee instead. He knocked both of your hands away and reached in, putting his metal hand around your throat.

You heard the general laugh and you were backed against the metal bars. You chuckled slightly as you wedged a knee between your bodies to plant the idea of an attempted break of his hold. You grabbed his left forearm with both hands and made sure you were on your toes with your other foot.

“Funny.” You commented as a distraction, to which he tilted his head in response. “You told me you were right handed.”

You dropped your knee and turned into the Winter Soldier’s chest, forcing his elbow and wrist to bend. He couldn’t maintain the grip on your throat, but you kept hold of his forearm. As you spun more, you pulled him with you so you were no longer against the bars. Instead, both of your backs were towards them.

You reached back with both hands and gripped his shirt. You dropped into a kneel and drove your right shoulder down to throw him over and to his back. During the flip, he reached out and caught hold of your upper arm which pulled you through the flip as well. However, he added his own strength to it and sent you rolling across the floor.

You had to admit, you were impressed that he was so quick to counter your takedowns. You got yourself to your knees as you slid about another foot. You watched as the Winter Soldier got to his feet, eyeing you carefully. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

You stood quickly and lifted your fists, as if telling him that you weren’t done yet. There was no change in expression and you complained to yourself. Your attention was drawn away from the Winter Soldier as the five new super soldiers suddenly stood from their spots on the bench. It was unsettling how in synchronously they moved.

You turned your body fully towards them, fists still raised. You were sure that you could take them if the Winter Soldier fought beside you. But the general had other plans. He was quickly beside you two with a gun drawn, telling you two to get him out. You took a glance at the Winter Soldier for a confirmation, but again, there was no change in expression.

If you had to pick one thing you missed the most about James, it would’ve been the light in his eyes. Or maybe his smile.

You two worked through the soldiers, who were mainly distracted taking out the security guards. One had tried to stop you and made the mistake of reaching for you first.

You quickly twisted your wrist from his grip and drove an elbow into the front of his throat. While he coughed and held the fragile body part, you landed a hard spinning kick to throw him into the Winter Soldier. He threw a hand left hook against the man’s jaw and using that same left hand, threw him to the side and continued on his path.

The three of you made it out relatively easily, leaving the armed guards to deal with the super soldiers. The groans and screams continued and echoed until you three were in a different room.

“They’re too unstable to be trusted on any assignments.” You said simply once you made it to the general’s office. “I don’t want to see them active unless you can control them, and I doubt you’ll be able to do that anytime soon. Shut them down, General”

“I don’t think that’s your call.” He countered easily, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk. “They’ll be fine. We’ll just readjust their frequencies and it’ll be taken care of.” He waved his hand as if to shoo away your concerns.

The fact that he was dismissing you made your blood boil, made your skin itch. Not everyone in HYDRA liked you, that was fine. You knew you carried yourself with a certain arrogance as Nightmare. But everyone knew to respect you.

You shoved his feet off in annoyance, which earned you a look of warning from the Winter Soldier, who was lurking in the back corner. You didn’t acknowledge him and kept your focus on the general, though you made sure to keep him in your peripherals. The General stared at you in shock, as if no one had dared lay hands on him before.

“I was sent here to evaluate them, so I was given the authority to make that call. Regardless of that, I’ve been here long before you, General, and I’ve killed men far more dangerous than you.” You corrected, pressing your palms flat on the desk as you leaned in. “Do you want to know what I’ve seen here today?”

“Enlighten me.” He leaned forward on his elbows, hands neatly clasped in front of him. “Since you feel so entitled.”

“Entitled.” You repeated, nodding slightly. “I’m entitled, am I?” You challenged.

“What would you call it?”

“I served under the Red Skull.” The words burned in your mouth but you had to play that card. You usually didn’t brag about your past, but with men like him, they only respected power. Strength. Brutality. So that’s what you would show him. “I was his right hand, his pride and joy. I’ve killed dozens of men and they never saw me coming. I’ve paid my dues and spilled enough blood to paint the walls of this facility inside and out, and have some to spare. So tell me, how am I entitled when I have been the one to keep HYDRA on top?”

“What have you seen, Nightmare?” He asked tensely.

“I’ve seen exactly how incompetent you are. You are incapable of controlling them because you chose terrible test subjects.” You said, a mocking tone laced in your words. “They should be iced until further notice.”

“You don’t get to-”

You rolled your eyes and quickly slammed his head down to his desk. You heard a sickly crack and you suspected it was his nose. You put your hands up in surrender and took a few steps away as the Winter Soldier took quick steps forward.

“Don’t look at me like that.” You said to your partner. “He had it coming.”

Your shoulders shook with your silent laughter as you watched the general sit up with red dripping from his face. He wiped the blood and looked at you in shock, as if he thought he was untouchable.

“No, go on.” You mocked, waving for him to keep talking. “I just put your most promising of the five on his face without breaking a sweat. But I don’t get to… What?”

He groaned and wiped at the blood leaking from his nose. He shot you an angry look, glaring at you in hatred. If he didn’t like you before, he definitely didn’t like you now.

“I thought they were pathetic.” You commented as you crossed your arms. “But I guess it’s you.”

“They will be put on ice once the riot calms.” He said angrily.

“Consider yourself lucky I don’t retract him as well.” You nodded to the Winter Soldier. “It’s been a long time since we’ve been together.”

“You have that authority?”

“It’s embarrassing that you still don’t get it.. He was made to be my partner, after all.” You said with a smirk beneath your mask. “Why do you think our little match was a stalemate?’

“All due respect, Nightmare… I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, but you did mean to disrespect me and even discredit me.” You folded your hands neatly behind your back. “If it were up to me, they’d be removed from the organization completely. They’re too volatile.” You shook your head. “But it’s not. I’m giving you the chance to clean up your mess.” You gestured to his face. “And if you don’t, I’ll be back with six bullets. One for each of them and one for you.” You threatened before leaving his office and the facility.

A few years later, in the mid-nineties, you were sent overseas to Ohio. You thought it was an odd assignment but figured it would be an interesting change of pace. Though you had an unexplained hatred of the midwest, maybe it would be nice to be somewhere new.

You were told to report to a SHIELD building so you waited until nightfall and met with one of your implanted agents. They ushered you through the building to the basement levels, so deep below the building you thought you heard the dead talking to you.

You were thrown into an isolated room, practically a prison cell. You were deeply confused but showed no sign of it. There was a toilet, shower head, and sink behind a sad excuse of a privacy screen. There was a cot in the corner with an embarrassingly flat pillow and scratchy blanket. The only light in the room came from the yellow bulb in the center of the ceiling and the blinking red light from the camera in the corner.

You were in that room for at least two days, nothing to keep you going other than the water from the tap. You spent most of the time talking to the camera, saying that you would kill everyone on that floor if they didn’t let you out. That you would kill everyone in the building once they did. You let off various threats and grievances, even admitting that it was things like that that made you hate HYDRA.

“Too bad you already put protocols in place to keep him from hurting me.” You wandered in a circle and spoke to the camera. “I bet you would love to see the Winter Soldier end my life. Save you all a headache, right?”

“I guess it was a matter of time, right?” You mocked. “The Red Skull died a long time ago so really-“ You began to laugh, a manic and twisted gurgle of a sound. “-you could’ve gotten rid of me a long time ago but you needed me to train the Winter Soldier as my replacement.”

“I wonder if I could drown myself in the toilet that way none of you get the satisfaction of killing me.” You said wickedly.

“God, I hate it here!” You shouted, throwing your fist into the wall.

You were tempted to remove your mask. Your cloak was long discarded, tossed haphazardly over the flimsy screen the first day you were put there, and your belt was stripped of all equipment. You wanted to renounce Nightmare and let HYDRA kill you. Let them wipe their hands clean of the weapon they so skillfully created, the weapon they so meticulously trained, but you didn’t. You didn’t because if they killed you, you could do nothing to help James. Not that you had much of a chance from your lonely yellow room, but it was something to hold on to.

You were finally retrieved from your isolation after what felt like an eternity. You maintained your composure - despite your completely disheveled appearance - as you were guided through more hallways, around corners, and up stairs until you made it to whatever room they wanted you in now. The agents that guided you forced you into a chair and fixed the leather restraints. There was one around each wrist, one across your chest, one over your thighs, and one around each ankle. You pulled on them just to test the integrity and you figured you could break them if you tried hard enough.

But you knew you wouldn’t get very far. Armed guards were stationed every ten feet down every hall you travelled so far. A security camera was in every corner, You assumed every level had the same protections if not more so you knew you wouldn’t get far. You eventually just gave in to the idea that HYDRA had no use for you anymore and they would finally kill you.

They had the Winter Soldier. They had their five other demented Super Soldiers. You were too argumentative, too challenging. You were a nuisance because you saw right through their facade, and they were going to rid themselves of the problem.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Instead you were given an injection into the side of your neck and instantly felt the reaction.

Your head instantly felt an intense pressure, like something was being pulled out through your ear with a coat hanger. You closed your eyes tightly, opening your mouth for a silent scream of pain. Your head fell forward as you felt tears burning in your eyes. The pain travelled like a forest fire down your spine, burning through every nerve and making every muscle in your body contract violently. It was as if the substance was coating each and every nerve with a hot, slick substance that seemed to try and disconnect you from your body.

“Solo. Perfeccionado. Trece. Sombras. Enigma. Dos. Servicial. Aventurera. Uno. Pesadilla.” The one who you assumed injected you said. They repeated the ten words like a chant, drilling it into your mind and seemingly trying to associate it with the pain you were feeling.

The voice seemed to be getting louder and louder, as if they were screaming the words at you. Though the words seemed to mean nothing to you, you could feel something in your brain slipping. Nothing physical or structural. Something was chemically changing, like it was being blocked or broken down. It burned through to the deeper structures of your brain, though you had no idea what exactly it was headed for.

“There’s been a certain…” The voice said. The words bounced around your brain as the ten words continued to be heard in the background. It was if those ten words were intended to block out the rest of the world and have a tunnel-vision type effect. You tried ignoring them by banging your head on the padded headrest behind you but that only seemed to punctuate the words. “Resistance in you that we’ve noticed… We always knew you were lively, but this is just unacceptable. We didn’t want to break you how we broke the Winter Soldier… No, you’ve paid your dues and earned a more respectable treatment. Instead, little Nightmare, we had to take a less brutal route but equally effective..”

“What did you do to me?” You managed through a seemingly tightening throat. You could breathe just fine, but when you tried to speak, it was like your voice was a trigger to close your windpipe.

“Hush now…” They replied. “You’ll get used to it… Now we will have a true nightmare. Uninhibited and unstoppable…. Your will to accomplish whatever treasonous deeds you had planned will soon cease to exist. With these words-”

You were beginning to lose consciousness, your head bobbing forward lazily. You fought to keep your eyes open but it’s like someone was pulling you away.

“No.” You mumbled. “No, I- What did you do?”

“With these words, the true Nightmare will be unleashed… Rest now. You’ll need your strength.”

You felt your hold on reality slip and allowed yourself to drift into a state of darkness. No pain. No voices. Little did you know that you would wake to a whole new, darker version of yourself. Nightmare was going to be fully realized against your will, fully disconnected from Y/N’s heart, but not separate from Y/N’s head. While you were unconscious, the definitive mental line you had drawn between Nightmare and Y/N was being erased and so was your control over what you did as Nightmare.

Before that, you two were like oil and water. You could coexist and intermingle, but at the end of the day, you remained separated. But now it was like you were constantly being mixed together, swirled to the point that it was impossible to pick out one or the other. You became a jumbled mess of morally ambiguous and perfectly lethal.

You were thrown back into the yellow room for a few more days and you felt yourself lose your mind. The speaker played the same words over and over and over.

“I don’t deserve this.” You cried, tears falling down your face as you rocked in the far corner of the room. You cried from the pain, the pain in your head and the break in your chest. “This isn’t fair.”

By the time they came to get you, you had put your fist through the privacy screen. You had torn the pillow in half and ripped the blanket to shreds. You had snapped the frame of the cot and tried digging through the door with it. You had shoved another piece of the frame through the porcelain sink. But by the time they opened the door again, any fight you had left had melted away.

You had hardly slept in that time. Every time you closed your eyes, it was a fight between Y/N and Nightmare. She was brutal, relentless. She pinned Y/N every time and you had to use every ounce of strength you had to fight back. To get up and stay in control.

“How are you feeling, Nightmare?” The agent asked, hands folded neatly behind his back.

You grabbed your cloak after you stood and straightened up. “I feel great.” You said numbly. “Can I leave?”

“We have a mission for you.”

“Perfect.”

117 notes · View notes

petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - FOUR (BUCKY BARNES)

FOUR - TO BE SO LONELY

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist // Y/N Suit

Tags: @writingsbychlo @bangtanxberm @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll @calums-betch @tgirljeep388 @spideysimpossiblegirl

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 11,295 (i really went crazy 🤪)

Summary: The mission hits its peak and Y/N makes her choice and she lets James make his. When they walk away from each, where can Y/N go? What friends does she have left?

The next morning, you two were leaving the SHIELD facility. The helicarriers were already in the air so you two had to find your own way up, which wouldn’t be a problem. You were crossing the flight deck when a handful of pilots were already on their way.

“We’re the only air support Captain Rogers has got.” He said into the walkie.

You and the Winter Soldier began firing down the planes before most pilots could get into them. A few had someone in them when you took them down. You tossed the larger gun aside and switched to one of your hand guns. You liked the smaller gun because it was easier to maneuver and allowed for one hand use.

A grenade rolled to your feet but your hands were full with a SHIELD agent. Instead, you whistled sharply to get your partner’s attention. Once he looked, you kicked it to him where he could catch it and throw it into the loading bay of one of the jets.

“We need a way up!” You told him as you met with him near one of the last jets. “Take your pick.”

He climbed to the top and shot the pilot through the glass before ripping the side door off. You went to the open side and used the suction in your gloves to stay on the side while you stood in the open space. Lucky for you, your partner was a great pilot.

You dropped off the jet before he landed. Hooking your wire to your wrist, you shot it around the step rail and jumped off. You retracted your wire with a few feet to spare so you rolled through your landing and hopped to your feet. You weren’t even paying attention to if he did land or if he simply bailed out, so you pressed your back against a stack of crates while you waited for the Winter Soldier to meet you at your position.

“You’re a lot heavier than you look.” You heard Steve’s friend say.

“I had a big breakfast.” Steve answered.

You two moved at the same time, him going to the Captain and you going for the friend. The Winter Soldier shoulder-checked Steve off the edge of the helicarrier and you tackled his friend to the ground. He rolled and hopped to his feet, running after Steve. You were right behind him, grabbing one of his wings while your partner grabbed the other. You both pulled at the same time and flipped him in the opposite direction before he began shooting.

Your partner flipped acrobatically to avoid the bullets while you simply slid on the side of your leg to take cover. You pulled one of the explosives from your belt and set the charge once you saw him head back to Steve. You waited a moment to time it and lazily threw it, watching it go off right beside him to throw him off balance.

Your partner used the wiring pack you usually used to catch yourselves after a sudden fall. It latched to one of the wings so he could pull the man back to the ground and towards you two. Pulling a knife from your holster, you ran to where he landed with your partner right behind you. You slammed the knife into the base of the wing and angled it towards his flight pack before yanking down to snap the wing off.

Once the man was on his feet, you spun on your knees out of the way so your partner could land a solid front kick and send him plummeting over the edge. You waited to watch only for a moment, some deep part of you almost thankful that he had a chute.

You frowned in annoyance before nodding to the Winter Soldier to keep moving once you noticed Captain America had found a landing to catch himself on. You two made your way to the lowest level easily, waiting for Rogers to show. As you waited the few minutes, maybe less, there was a question dancing in your brain, but you couldn’t quite piece it together. Was it a question that Nightmare needed to ask or something Y/N was trying to get out? Either way, there wasn’t enough time to figure it out.

“People are gonna die, Buck.” Rogers tried to reason with the man he still believed to be his friend. “I can’t let that happen.”

“He’s not who you think he is.” You spoke from his side, hood drawn and knife in hand. “Not anymore. You can’t save him.”

“Please don’t make me do this.” He nearly begged and you felt something sharp in your brain, like a sharp crowbar trying to split your brain in two. “I know you’re better than this, Nightmare.”

It was a reaction to his words, as if the sentiment had sparked something in you as well. You winced inwardly but made no really outward response. You gripped your blade tighter, surely tight enough to turn your knuckles white. You turned your head and let out a strangled groan, drawing your partner’s attention for a moment. You shook it off quickly and tried to recover.

“People have already died.” You said simply as you waved your knife, as if to be some display of how casual it was. “Are you willing to die with them?” You pointed your blade at him.

“No.” He shook his head and you scoffed. “But I’ll die for them.” He corrected.

“How noble.” You rolled your eyes and flipped your blade. “Let’s see if you keep your word.”

The Captain was the first to act, throwing his shield towards you. The Winter Soldier stepped in front of you and blocked the disc with his metal arm so it bounced back to Rogers. He fired a close round that was deflected off the shield, exchanging blows until he could graze him with a shot. The Captain slammed his shield into your partner's chest, sending him crashing to his back.

You jumped in then after tucking your blade away for the moment once you realized it would be close quarters and you’d need to get that shield away from him if you wanted to have a real chance at completing your mission. You spun a hard hook hick that connected with the Captain’s jaw. You left no time in between and went with a combination of body shots and punctuated it with a sharp upper cut that sent him stumbling back. With the new distance between you, you moved into a slide to hook your feet around his ankles. With a hard twist of your hips, you slammed him to his back.

You got yourself to a kneel and placed your weight on the Captain’s chest as you reached for your knife again. That was your best chance to complete your mission and be done. A blade through the chest wasn’t your usual style but then again, this wasn’t your usual target. You were greeted with a sharp left hook that sent you falling to the side just as your partner was coming to your aid. You groaned in annoyance as you got yourself back up to find another opening. The two fought in an almost choreographed way, countering each other without much of a thought until Rogers was able to get breathing room and unlock the chip boards

You closed the distance and threw an arm around his neck from behind with your back against him. You had intended to flip him over so you could follow and be done with the damn thing, but his reaction was quicker than you expected. He reached back and grabbed at your cloak, using it to throw you over his shoulder and into the Winter Soldier. Your head also smacked the metal flooring, making you feel like your whole brain was thrown around in your skull.

Your partner groaned in annoyance as he roughly shoved you off him. You kicked at his leg slightly as you scooted away to lean against one of the metal railings.

“Oh shut it.” You complained and winced as you stretched out the tight feeling in your back from the collision. You were sure your body hit his metal arm before you hit the floor. “You think I like being used as a projectile? Just get the damn thing done already.” You rolled your eyes, trying to shake the vertigo and now building pressure in your head.

He ignored your comment and jumped back into the fight. You, however, needed a minute to find your focus. You leaned against the railing, gripping it tightly to maintain your balance, while you tried to settle the uneven feeling in your brain. You pounded your fist against the railing in a rhythmic pattern as you tried to gather your wits.

You heard your trigger words echoing in your brain, like the words were bouncing off your skull. You could hear James’ voice from that first night so many years ago, like a distant memory that was calling you back. It quite literally felt like Y/N was clawing her way out, literal streaks of pain burning through your head.

You had to push through the haze in your mind when you saw your partner tackle Steve over the railing. You hopped over soon after, landing on a lower level platform just before the glass bottom. You moved in tandem with the Winter Soldier, you two alternating as to who would throw the punch. You ducked quickly so he could land a hard backhand that sent Steve sliding down to the edge of the platform. You both dropped to slide down and meet him, but while the Winter Soldier jumped to throw punches, you stayed low to take his feet out from under him.

Once he kicked your partner's legs from under him and sent him towards the glass, you went between the Captain’s legs. You wrapped an arm around the back of his knee and used the other to grip his belt. While your hands found their grip, you positioned your feet beneath you. You pushed yourself forward, using your shoulder to brace you against the ground and control your somersault. Your hold on the Captain sent him in a backwards fall and you quickly released your hold and attempted to control your own fall.

You landed on your back with a hard thud and your head seemed to bounce and land twice. You thought you heard a crack, and you couldn’t place if it was the glass or your skull. You realized how close you landed to the shield so without much effort, you tossed it to the Winter Soldier so he could use it. You followed him back into the fringe quickly, even though every step led to another pounding pain in your head. He knocked the flying shield away from you two and you quickly spun to fling a knife at Steve in return. It buried itself deep in his shoulder and caused him to let out a groan of pain. Once you all met up and he was too worried about your partner’s incoming blade, you took advantage of the distraction.

You forced your knife deeper, practically scratching his bone. He cried out again and slammed an elbow into your nose before landing two head butts against your partner. The Winter Soldier shoved the Captain away while you turned and saw the SHIELD chip that he was supposed to install. The Captain was on you quickly after putting substantial distance between you two and your partner, grabbing you by your throat and lifting you off the ground.

You gasped slightly, kicking your feet to find some sort of footing but came up empty. You were flipped to your back with your arm now twisted outward and a hand pushing your face away. You kept a firm grip on the card while calculating a way to break the hold.

“Drop it!” He struggled to say. When you refused, he yanked your arm harder and you exclaimed in pain. “DROP IT!”

You had gotten your feet under you and jumped up, tucking your knees in an attempt to flip yourself and Rogers. As you were in the air, the Captain dropped to his back with a grip on your wrist still and moved a forearm to be across your throat. You could feel your lungs struggling to get enough air. When you tried to peel his opposing hand away, he used his leg to pin that arm.

You tried to call for your partner, to yell for help, but you had no air to speak. You thrashed violently and tried to throw your legs over your head and roll backwards but every movement was blocked by the Captain’s heavy musculature. You felt a sharp pain in your head before you gave in and let yourself fall nearly unconscious, the tech slipping from your hand with a small clatter.

Your partner got to your side as Rogers was making his way back up. He checked your pulse when he got to you and felt a sense of relief to find you were still alive. He didn’t quite understand it himself but he knew he didn’t want to go back without you. He knelt beside you and had lifted you to be leaning against his upraised knee and he kept your arm draped over his waist so you wouldn’t slip back down. While waiting for you to come back, he fired a shot into Rogers’ leg. The next one he fired got his arm. The sound of the gun and the smell of gunpowder was enough to bring you back.

As you were getting a feel for your surroundings, your blurry vision cleared and you felt a dissipating pressure in your head, like a ripple clearing through a lake. The cold feeling of his metal arm through your shirt sent a shiver down your spine and you looked up to see his attention wasn’t on you. It didn’t take long to realize Y/N was back in charge. The loss of consciousness must’ve served to reset your brain and allow you to return to normal.

You tried to remember what you were doing, what your assignment was. Once James looked down at you and you saw relief flash in his eyes, you pieced together everything. You were supposed to kill Captain America and you had nearly done it.

“I’m okay.” You said as you got back to your feet, a bit shakily. “Good to know you care… At least a little bit.”

He almost smiled when he looked at you. When he stood, you noticed a wobble in his movement and with a quick scan, you saw the injury to his leg. You ducked under his arm almost instantly once you noticed and helped support him, despite the wild look he gave you. It was as if he didn’t know why you would help him while the mission was so clearly incomplete or maybe because he knew you were relatively hurt yourself. He likely still expected you to be the unfettered version of Nightmare, the version who didn’t care who got hurt during a mission so long as the job got done. You didn’t explain anything because you didn’t think you had time and he didn’t give you a chance.

He lifted his gun and fired one more shot, hitting the Captain square in his stomach. You gasped lightly, watching blood stain his uniform. You felt a deep sadness in your chest, almost enough to make you cry. It was the same kind of sadness that hit your heart when you watched James fall.

Did James really just kill his best friend?

You saw Steve struggle through his mission, replacing the tech before collapsing. It just wasn’t worth it to try and stop him anymore, nor was it fair to kick a man while he’s down. You let out a small sigh of relief and turned your attention back to your partner.

“We need to get out of here.” You said gently.

Before you two could find a way out, the helicarriers began firing at each other. A huge metal support beam had fallen where you two were standing. James had quickly shoved you away, leaving himself pinned. He yelled out in pain and that actually made the tears well up in your eyes. You moved quickly to jump over the beam and get your hands beneath it.

“You idiot.” You said in a panic as you found a place to position your fingers. You tried to lift it yourself but you couldn’t. Every time you had your feet beneath you for leverage, your boots were slipping against the glass. You weren’t strong enough.

“Why can’t you look out for yourself for once?”

“We look out for each other.” He said quickly, as if it should’ve been obvious.

Desperately, you looked around and saw Steve looking from the catwalk above. You saw concern in his eyes but also uncertainty. You didn’t blame him for being unsure but you needed the guy who still believed in James, the guy who believed in Y/N.

“Please, help me.” You cried as the tears fell steadily down your cheeks. You glanced over at James and saw him trying to contain his pain, only groans escaping as he tried to free himself. “Please!” Your voice broke. “I can’t lose him again!”

“Just go.” James muttered.

“I’m not leaving you.” You shook your head as you desperately surveyed the scene and tried to figure something out.

“Nightm-“

“Forget the mission! I don’t care about that!” You shouted as you saw Steve making his way over. “I’m not leaving without you. I’m not going back there if you’re not coming with me.”

You saw the uncertainty in his eyes as Steve approached and he began again to try and push it off himself. Even with his assistance, the two of you couldn’t get it up enough for him to get out.

“What do you mean, again?” Steve asked breathlessly when he made it to you.

“We don’t have time for my life story.” You groaned and you did your part to lift. James was able to climb out and you dropped it with a couple heavy breaths. “Just know that I’m not really the devil they made me to be.”

You pushed yourself across the glass to be beside James. You put both hands on his cheeks and turned his head to look at you. You chuckled in nervous relief before - without thinking - you threw your arms over his shoulders. He tensed quickly before a subtle melt as one arm came around you gingerly.

“You know me.” Steve told James once you had backed away.

“No I don’t!” He yelled angrily, throwing a solid punch to Steve’s jaw that threw him to the ground.

“You do!” You added suddenly, finally revealing that truth to him. James looked at you in shock, disbelief as you continued. “That is Steve Rogers. He’s your best friend.”

“Bucky.” Steve continued. “You’ve known me your whole life.” Another swing, a desperate attempt to shut Steve up.

“Your name-“ Steve added, refusing to give up on his friend. “-is James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Shut up!” He cried in pure desperation.

“James.” You tried calmly. He turned on you quickly with wide eyes. You held a hand out in front of you, an offering for him to take and to go with you. “It’s true. Please believe me. I should’ve told you sooner, I know. But if you come with me, we can-”

He shoved you away towards Steve, who threw off his helmet and dropped his shield before helping you to your feet so you avoided the huge gaps in the glass that you nearly went through. You looked at him in shock but he wasn’t looking at you. His eyes were locked on his friend.

“I’m not gonna fight you.” He said finally. “You’re my friend.”

James made a quick move to tackle Steve. The two landed dangerously close to a huge opening in the glass.

“You’re our mission.” James said firmly, as if to convince himself more than anyone else.

He landed punch after punch after punch, but Steve made no effort to fight back despite the sickly noise that the collision of flesh and metal made. You hurried to kneel at their side and caught James’ fist with both hands, trying to hold the metal arm back and keep yourself on solid ground.

“Don’t do this.” You pleaded gently.

“Then finish it.” Steve said weakly. You looked over your shoulder and saw the swelling and the blood across Steve’s face. “Cause I’m with you till the end of the line.”

You saw the realization set in, the fear of what he had done set in. You took that opportunity to push him off of Steve but it was too late. The helicarrier above had collapsed and shattered what was left of the glass. You were all sent tumbling to the water below. You tried to find James as you were going down, but all you saw was the debris. You turned to find Steve but saw no one.

You quickly brought your hand to your mask and triggered the release as you repositioned your body so you’d enter the water feet first. You doubted you’d be able to survive under water with it on and you tucked it into your belt and flattened your arms at your side just as you hit the water. You didn’t really know why you made sure to keep it since you didn’t plan on returning to HYDRA, but something about that mask floating around didn’t feel right to you.

You made your way to the shoreline and moved into the bushes. You coughed slightly, trying to clear the water and smoke from your lungs. You heard the sounds of footsteps behind you so you crouched down and halted your noises. You saw James dragging Steve out of the water and you were flooded with relief, so much so that you nearly revealed yourself, your mask long forgotten. That relief was short-lived when you saw him drop Steve and keep going.

He didn’t turn back. He made a small circle and glanced at his surroundings but he didn’t really look for you. He didn’t call out for you. He was leaving and he didn’t care to see if you had survived. You didn’t get up and go after him either. Maybe it was better for him to have some time to himself… With a heavy heart, you let him walk away.

“Goodbye, James.” You said to yourself as you began to leave the area. You’d need to get some dry clothes and get out of your Nightmare suit as soon as possible. “Hopefully, this isn’t where our story line ends…”

You had walked by Steve’s hospital room the next day, bare faced with nothing to hide. You didn’t go in, knowing that would be harder to explain, but you were happy to know he survived and Sam was looking out for him. You watched the news stories of all the HYDRA operatives that were caught by the FBI and you watched Natasha Romanoff’s trial on Capitol Hill. You had respected her before but after that, you were impressed as well. You appreciated her confidence.

While the world searched for Nightmare and the Winter Soldier, you knew they wouldn’t find either of you, even if all of HYDRA’s information on you two were available to the public. They plastered your masked photos all over the news and on the internet, but they had no name. They had no face. The world has nothing but proof of a ghost.

What you didn’t know, not immediately at least, was that Steve was going to keep looking for you and James. You wouldn’t know that until about a year later and given that lapse of information, you were relatively surprised no one found you in that time. But it’s hard to find somewhere to start when there’s nothing real to grasp. You kept tabs on James during that time, always knowing the general area he was in.

You had planned on meeting up with him as yourself and telling him everything. And if he didn’t believe you, you’d show him everything. You still had all of your Nightmare equipment because you didn’t trust the idea of getting rid of it. If someone found it and recreated that persona, it’d be your fault if that person got hurt when your enemies chased the mask. If whatever scraps were left of HYDRA tried to recreate it, that’d be even worse. So you kept it stashed away. Besides, you never knew when you might need it or what you could repurpose if you ever decided to be a hero instead. Maybe it was just a reminder of where you came from, something nostalgic to prove to yourself that you weren’t just a trained killer.

It was easy enough to find Sam Wilson, the man you learned to have been Steve’s new friend in the fight. You didn’t have to corner him in a back alley or creep through his window. You didn’t have to do extensive, covert research on him and hood wings and his military past. You simply met up with him at his gym.

You had gotten a membership there a couple weeks ago but it seemed like your workout schedules didn’t quite overlap. So you tried different times on different days - using that time to keep up your strength and embarrass the pervert men that started- until finally, you two crossed paths. He was the one to strike up the conversation, which worked for you because you hadn’t figured out a way to say “Stop looking for those two” without it sounding threatening.

“I gotta say. and I mean this in the best possible way-” He began when he reached you.

“Not a great way to start a conversation.” You chuckled as you were adding plates to the bar for your bench press.

“You’ve gotta be a lot stronger than you look.” Sam continued with a small bow.

“Oh, yeah.” You laughed. You laid on the bench and began positioning your hands. “I guess it’s genetics. All the strength but none of the typical bulk..”

“This I gotta see, if you don’t mind.”

“You can spot me if you really don’t believe me.” You commented with a shrug, though you knew you wouldn’t need a spot. You braced your core and lifted the bar off the pegs. “If you think you can handle it, that is.” You teased.

You got through your reps easily and reracked the bar before sitting back up. Sam nodded to you in respect while he leaned his elbows across the bar.

“Okay.” He laughed. “I’m impressed. You training for something specific or is this Olympic level lifting a casual hobby? Oh, let me guess. You’re an Avenger?”

You had to laugh at that. “Actually, in case I ever meet with an old flame of mine…” You said carefully as you sat up from under the bar. “Him and/or his best friend.”

“You in some sort of trouble?”

“No, not at all.” You dismissed his concern with a wave of your hand. “I know how it sounds but he wouldn’t hurt me. I’ve known him a long time and it’s just always been an up and down kind of relationship, y’know?” You shrugged before continuing. “But uh, now that you mention it, you might be.. In trouble, that is.

“Uh- Okay… I’m gonna need a little more than that.” Suddenly, the light conversation was replaced with mild hostility as he leaned away and crossed his arms.

“Just hear me out, please?” You tried with your hands up in surrender, to which he motioned for you to continue. “You’re Sam Wilson, right?” You asked and he nodded. “And you’re asking around about the Winter Soldier and Nightmare, right? You and Captain Rogers.”

“Do you know something about them?”

“Pretty much anything and everything.” You shrugged. “So believe me when I say that they’re not the type of people you find. They’ll find you if they want anything to do with you.” A perfect example was the current meeting. “And is not always a pleasant interaction.”

“Mhmm.” He nodded slowly in disbelief. “And how would you know that?”

“That may not be as easy to explain.” You laid back beneath the bar. “Especially if you’re going to run and tell Captain Rogers what I say. I’d hate for my story to be misconstrued and have him turned against me.”

“How about you come tell him yourself?” He offered as you lifted your bar and leaned over you. “There’s a party at Avengers Tower tomorrow night. If you can make it, I’m sure Steve would love to hear your story. It could help a lot, ‘specially if it comes straight from you and if you have as much insight as you claim.”

“Yeah.. I’ll think about it.” You agreed before finishing your set and heading to the locker room.

You figured it was as good a time as any to meet up with Steve, tell him you were still alive and give him a parallel idea of what happened, because you knew deep down that not even you could hide from him forever. If you told him you were Nightmare, you deeply believed that he would hate you for it and it was fair. Nightmare had been involved in a lot in regards to him and his best friend. She had nearly got both of those boys killed. So maybe you’d leave that part out. For now at least…

You arrived at the Tower the next night, wearing a sleek and short black party dress that had a long sleeve on the left side and no sleeve on the right. You bought the dress months ago because it reminded you of James. Under the dress, you had a single blade in your thigh holster, just in case things went sideways. Obviously you wouldn’t kill any of the Avengers, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d need it. You also brought one of your old notebooks, filled with designs for your equipment and notes on James’ status.

You wandered the crowd, eyes searching for Sam or Steve. You saw practically every other Avenger as you crossed the room, catching bits and pieces of different stories and conversations. When you didn’t find them among the bustling crowd, you moved to the bar, where you found Natasha. You leaned on the bar-top and conversated lightly with her.

“Ms. Romanoff.” You smiled. “I saw your work against the Winter Soldier and Nightmare back in D.C. and I have to say, it was impressive.”

“Well.” She smiled widely at your flattery. You realized that was the first time you had seen her smile, and she was rather pretty. “They definitely didn’t make it easy. They’re good, not gonna lie, but not even they could kill me.”

“No, of course not.” You laughed. “And that- that shooting at him from the shadow of the bridge? Genius! He never saw it coming! And I adored your response at your Capitol Hill trial.”

“You sure know your stuff.” She said with a mild accusation. “Who’d you come with? I’ve uh, never seen you around before.”

“Sam Wilson invited me, actually.” You tapped your book against your palm. “I have what he and Captain Rogers have been looking for.”

“Ah, I see… I’m assuming you’re on their side. But how do you have that?” Her eyebrow quirked in a teasing challenge. “If I may ask.”

“I knew Steve before the war, when he was still the 95 pound asthmatic lying on his enlistment form.” You smiled honestly. “And I just happen to have a great skin care regimen. No one would ever guess I’m about a hundred years old.”

She laughed loudly before pointing to the upper level. “Your guys should be up there. I think they’ll be very happy to talk to you. I told them not to tug that string, but you know men. They never listen.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” You chuckled.

“It should be fun though.” She winked and passed a full shot glass your way.

“I’m sure it will be.” You sighed, not really looking forward to it. You nodded in thanks before downing the drink and heading up the stairs hesitantly.

You approached the guys slowly, suddenly feeling nervous as the distance closed. You weren’t completely sure how the night would go and the uncertainty set your nerves on edge. You had the book behind your back as you finished closing the distance, taking a deep breath to settle your nerves. Your brain quickly flipped through your worst case scenarios and all the reasons you had to justify your fears. This was the moment you had waited decades for, to stand before Steve and tell him you weren’t dead. That he wasn’t alone. But you didn’t quite know how much of the truth you could bring yourself to reveal. You’d just have to figure it out as you went along.

“Excuse me?” You said in a small voice that shocked you. You cleared your throat and spoke with more confidence. “Steve? Sam? Hi.”

“Hey.” Sam turned to you and smiled. “Steve, this is the girl I was telling you about from my gym. The one that might be able to help us with our missing persons cases.”

“Wait… I know you.” Steve pointed out after a moment of silent examination of your features. “We met at the- the museum, right? Yeah, you were at Bucky’s little corner.”

“Actually, we met a little while before that… We met when you were enlisting.” You corrected carefully, though your mind was screaming about a more recent interaction that had nearly killed the three of you. “I went dancing with your pretty best friend after and the rest, I guess, is history.”

“No way.” He smiled in disbelief. “Y/N?”

“Like Y/N Y/N?” Sam asked with wide eyes. “Like the first friend you ever had after Bucky, Y/N?”

“Yeah.” You smiled widely and nodded excitedly. His own excitement was enough to extinguish the fire of your nerves momentarily. “It's me.”

You held your arms out and he moved in for the hug. You felt a huge rush of relief as you wrapped your arms around him. It was immensely comforting to have that hug in those moments. He pulled away and looked at you wildly, still in disbelief.

“Wait, was I really your first friend?” You chuckled teasingly.

“Yup.” He nodded proudly. “And I’m glad it was you.”

“Such a softie.” You joked and nudged him with your elbow.

“Why didn’t you say anything that day?” He asked. “And why couldn’t I find you before?”

“Well…” You said with a nervous chuckle. “Cervantes isn’t my last name. It was just a cover… My last name is actually Y/L/N.”

“Huh.” Steve huffed. “Why would you need a cover?”

“To make a long story kinda short, I couldn’t say anything before.” You said honestly. “Since before I met you and James, I was working for HYDRA. It started with my parents but when they were killed on assignment, I had nowhere else to go so I was practically born into it… Those walls were all I knew up until you and Miss Romanoff publicized everything and HYDRA pretty much collapsed, save for the random outpost here and there.”

“That must’ve been an interesting childhood.” Sam commented.

“There was nothing in those files about you.” Steve pointed out.

“Yeah, no kidding.” You agreed before turning to Steve. “I was basically a glorified secretary when I wasn’t being used as a spy so there was no reason to associate me with anything and risk my covers.”

You were relatively surprised at how easy the lies came from you, but it was what you originally trained for after all.

“I was given the same serum injections that were pulled from the Red Skull’s blood before they gave it to James and Nightmare. I had the skill, just not the killer instinct they wanted so they scrapped me from the Winter Soldier program and used me as a scientist instead.” You handed them the notebook. “Said my brain was worth more than my fists so that’s what I contributed.”

“What’s this?” Steve asked as he took the book and thumbed through the pages carefully.

“One of my log books.” You explained. “I was in charge of designing all of Nightmare’s equipment and tracking James’ progress as the Winter Soldier so a lot of what you see in there is gonna be familiar… I know it doesn’t talk about where he is now but maybe you can understand him better if you ever see him again. You might actually be able to help him with that.”

“Did you always know they wanted him?” Steve said as he thumbed through the pages.

“You didn’t scout him for HYDRA, did you?” Sam suggested.

“No and definitely no.” You said honestly. “I was in New York that night to scout out Howard Stark. I didn’t know they had him until after they told me about the train incident. I thought he was dead but then they brought him in and told me I was to understand him and record as much as possible. I guess they wanted more than one Winter Soldier, but I didn’t see the point in that since they had Nightmare already but.” You shrugged. “God, nothing was worse than the first time seeing what they did to his arm.”

“Speaking of Nightmare… What’s her deal?” Sam asked, leaning over Steve’s shoulder to look at the pages.

“Very secretive..” You began. It was nice to tell some truths, even if there were a few omissions. “She didn’t trust anyone to know her real name or see her full face, not even me and we were the closest thing to friends you could find in HYDRA. For both of them - even though it was done differently - there’s ways to trigger those HYDRA personas of the Winter Soldier and Nightmare. They each have trigger phrases that set them off like a switch, a specific set of words in a specific language in a specific order.”

“What made them treat Nightmare different?”

“She was more compliant because she really had nothing to fight for.” You shrugged. “Or maybe it was just because she was the Red Skull’s favorite. She also had nothing outside of HYDRA to my understanding, but she wanted more. So she figured if she did what she was told, she’d be able to get away with retirement somewhere down the road.”

“That explains why she helped me back in the war. She helped me get Bucky out the first time and told me where to find Schmidt.” Steve nodded, stuck on one page. He turned the book to show you and it was the design for Nightmare’s mask. “How did hers never come off?”

“With all the aerials and the stunts she likes to pull, I had to develop very strong and particular magnets.” You explained. “There was a lining in the collar of her top that would interact with the magnetic polarity of her mask. There were specialized sensors in the mask that were triggered by the fingertips of her gloves to release. Nothing else can break that magnetic pull.”

“And you came up with that on your own?” Sam asked, wide eyed and brows raised. “She might give Tony a run for his money.”

“Yeah.” You laughed nervously. “I uh- I had a lot of free time.”

“This could help us a lot. We can add it to the file we already have. Thank you.” Steve waved your book.

“What file?”

“A friend of ours called in a favor from- Where was it?”

“Kiev.” Sam answered.

“Natasha helped you.” You nodded slowly. “Look, I just want to do right by you and James…” You sighed sadly. “I really hated being there. I would’ve gotten out so much sooner if they didn’t take him. I’m still not sure if they knew that I liked him or if it was just coincidence. Either way, I stayed because I felt like I could protect him until I could get us out… Guess I did a pretty shit job of that.”

“Hey.” Steve said softly, handing Sam the book and putting an arm over your shoulders. “You helped him the best you could. What matters now is what you can do for him when we find him… You’re gonna stay around till we find him, right?”

“I don’t think I can face him, Steve.” You nearly whispered, shaking your head quickly. “I’ve done a lot of morally questionable things and I’ve hurt him. I’ve hurt both of you and-”

“We aren’t always dealt the best hand. So yeah, we all make mistakes.” Sam tried. “We gotta learn from them and keep moving.”

“I don’t know why I feared this so much.” You admitted with a nervous laugh. “I was scared you’d hate me for how I’ve lied and how I hurt people you care about.”

“There’s times when we don’t have a choice.” He said comfortingly. “I can’t hold that against you.”

“Thanks, Steve.” You smiled honestly for what felt like the first time in decades. “I’m really glad to have you back.”

You stayed for the rest of the party and Steve convinced you to hang out with the rest of the Avengers afterwards, “to make up for lost time” as he put it. Thor even gave you some of his fancy Asgardian liquor, which surprisingly gave you the slight dizzy feeling drinking used to give you. You laughed as they all tried to lift Thor’s hammer, the game you adamantly refused. Your gray and ambiguous morality was its own answer.

Tony didn’t believe you were actually friends with Steve, claiming you were too much fun to know him. You noticed Steve gave you a strange look when you hid your face behind your hand when you nearly choked on your drink from laughing at some jab Natasha took at Tony. You ignored it but you couldn’t get rid of the paranoia that he saw the resemblance to Nightmare. Did he really figure you out that easily?

It wasn’t until a mangled Iron Legion bot came into the room and changed the tone of the gathering completely. They tried talking to it, trying to understand what it was saying. Steve stood in front of you and you sighed inwardly in annoyance. Discreetly, you slid your fingers beneath the hem of your dress and pulled your knife out, gripping it tightly with a reverse grip.

Once the other bots crashed through the wall, you took a couple steps back. You timed your move and found an opening. As one of the bots flew past you, you raised your hand to catch its wrist. Once you had a grip, you jumped up and pulled yourself to be on its back. You hooked your fingers under the chest plate and wrapped one leg around the waist, using the other leg to lock around that ankle. You wondered if you were accidentally flashing everyone else in the room, but figured they were all too busy to notice anyway. And if they did notice, well…Oops.

You slammed your knife into the gap between its arm and shoulder, using it as a lever to break the arm off. You held your knife between your teeth while you wrapped the arm around the neck and yanked the head free. You crashed to the ground hard but rolled through it and came up in a crouch to survey the rest of the scene. For good measure, you slammed the blade through the chest, twisted, and pulled it back to tuck it away, all without taking your eyes away from the chaos in front of you.

“We’re keeping her!” You heard Tony yell aa you were re-positioning the fabric at your thighs. You turned and saw him dismantling his own bot with something like a butter knife, or maybe a letter opener. An ice pick? He crashed to the stairs once he succeeded so you moved to help him to his feet. “Can we keep you?”

“Avenging isn’t really my thing.” You said simply, looking at what remained. You saw the last bot eyeing Steve and also saw his shield across the room.

You hurried over and stomped your foot on the edge to flip it up to your hand.

“Heads up, Rogers!” You called before flinging the shield to him. He caught it easily and launched it through the center of the last bot.

The original Legion bot - Ultron - began giving another monologue about change and peace and how the Avengers aren’t good for the world. The Avengers needed to become extinct. You had picked up one of the broken table legs off the couch, deciding it could be more effective than your knife, though it did its job. You had pulled it out again, maybe more of a comfort than anything.

“You.” It pointed at you. “You don’t belong here.”

“Same could be said about you, Tin Man.” You answered smoothly. “What’s your point?”

“You think you can hide?” He taunted, causing your blood to boil and your muscles to tense. “You think you can switch back and forth whenever it suits you? No bec-“

You cut his words short, spinning outward to gain momentum and flicking your knife through the center of its head. You followed with using the table leg like a javelin and sending it through its center. You sighed loudly, knowing it connected you to your past somehow. You knew your disguise wasn’t perfect but it was a hit to your ego to see a robot figure it out.

“Sorry, should I have let him finish?” You joked after Thor threw his hammer to punctuate your previous assaults.

“Seriously, we need to keep her.” Tony said, pointing at you. “Imagine how useful she would’ve been against Loki.”

“No offense guys, but I wanted out of the fight.” You said carefully. “Good luck with all of that.” You motioned to the pile of scraps.

“We could use your help, Y/N.” Steve tried.

“I’m sorry, Steve.” You shook your head and began heading to the elevator. You stopped off at the shattered Ultron bot to reclaim your knife. “I already told you I didn’t have what it took.”

“That’s not what I saw.” He challenged.

“Then you weren’t really looking.”

“Wait.” He tried. The rest began to leave the room, following Tony. You didn’t know if they were giving you two privacy or if they were going to try and figure the situation out. “That thing pointed at you specifically. Any idea why?”

“It connected me to HYDRA?” You shrugged. “Or maybe it could tell I’m not and shouldn’t be an Avenger. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I’m done.”

“Something tells me you’re leaving out quite a bit of your past.” He challenged slightly. “Because I saw some very similar things that contradict some of what you already said.”

“Yes, I am leaving things out.” You answered simply. You assumed it told the truth without actually saying it. “And I’m doing it for good reason so I suggest you leave it alone.”

“Help us with this and maybe I will.”

“You expect me to jump on this grenade for a maybe?” You laughed.

“I’m hoping you’ll do it for a friend.”

You paused. Your list of friends was rather short nowadays, though it always had been. It was your own doing. You knew that. But that didn’t make it any easier to handle. To go through everything you had, and to do it alone, it took a toll on a person. But you didn’t have to be alone anymore. No one was pulling your strings.

“Damn you, Rogers.” You sighed before holding a hand out for him to shake. “You’re lucky I don’t have many friends right now and I like having you around.”

“Maybe you’ll like us all enough to stay.” He chuckled before shaking your hand and nodding for you to follow. You two met up with the rest of the Avengers in Tony’s lab where they were talking about Ultron and had an orange hologram on display.

“This isn’t strategy.” Dr. Banner explained. “This is rage.”

“Can I see what the original programming looked like?” You asked, examining the hologram. “Code doesn’t just disappear, not completely. You guys know that and if- sorry, what was his name?”

“JARVIS.” Tony answered as he pulled up the original structure. “You don’t think Ultron would’ve absorbed whatever was left of his code?”

“Right, JARVIS. Ultron could’ve done that but if JARVIS was as deeply integrated into the building as I assume he is, Ultron couldn’t just walk out the door with him in his pocket without triggering some sort of response. My guess is that a good handful of systems would’ve shut down and made their collapse known.” You continued as you moved the holograms to overlap. “There’s a core code to JARVIS right, same as any system? And it doesn’t look like there’s any pieces of that here.. Meaning that potentially, there’s still a whole lot of JARVIS somewhere in your systems, if not the entirety of his core matrix.”

There was a moment of silence while everyone processed your words. Steve looked at you like you were speaking a different language while Natasha nodded slightly with an impressed smirk on her face. Bruce and Tony stared with slack jaws before Tony turned back to the hologram to think before facing you again.

“Where did you say you were from again?” Tony looked at you in bewilderment. “Because you are like the third smartest person in the room and I find it hard to believe I’ve never met you before. And you’re friends with Capsicle? Nah, I’m not buying it.”

“I didn’t say yet.” You smiled proudly. Something about Tony Stark being impressed by your intelligence felt a lot better than being praised for spilling blood. “But Brooklyn. What I can’t piece together is how this even happened. Ultron recognized you guys because you’re Avengers so you’d be in his database, and you’re a very public and popular team. But how did he seem to know anything about me when I’ve been underground for decades?”

“Well he’s been in surveillance, files, pretty much everything.” Natasha explained. “Escaped through the internet.”

“Which means he matched me to her photos.” You muttered to yourself before pressing a palm to your forehead out of stress.

“Okay.” You sighed and dropped your hand to smack your leg. “So Ultron found some trace of my work deep down.. But that stuff is long since buried. How could he reach it?”

“Loki’s Scepter.” Steve answered. “Maybe it gave him some sort of insight?”

“We weren’t even close to integration!” Tony defended.

“You toyed with the Scepter and you made Ultron by accident?” You questioned. “That’s probably worse than doing it on purpose. At least what Strucker did with the Scepter, he owned up to.”

“How do you know what-“ Tony tried to challenge.

“Oh my god!” You interrupted. “I’m old. I know a lot of people. Moving on. I didn't get how Ultron could pick me out of the crowd but now I do.. That Scepter gave him more understanding and power than you could possibly guess.”

“Y/N?” Steve tried. “What do you know about the Scepter?”

“Pretty much nothing.” You shrugged. “All I know is it enhanced these twins, the Maximoffs. It’s powerful and has similar properties to the Tesseract. Anything after that, I’m as in the dark as you guys are. Strucker did his work well after I was gone. You guys want my suggestion? We need to find him before he finds us, that way he can’t be ready.”

“The world’s a big place.” Steve agreed. “Let’s start making it smaller.”

Days later, a lot had happened. After the team got back from Africa, you were able to begin your work. You had used Dr. Banner and Tony’s knowledge to help you recreate and upgrade some of your equipment while they were hiding out with Barton. Dr. Banner didn’t question a lot other than an amazed “You designed this yourself?” occasionally, but Tony questioned almost everything.

Where’d you get this?

How’d you come up with this? There’s now way you designed that on your own.

What powers this?

Who gave you the stuff for this?

I like this. Can I steal it?

When you all met up again, you were able to make your explosive more powerful without adding any size. The suction on your gloves was given improved sensitivity to allow for quicker release and replacement. You repurposed the blinding powder formula - you hardly ever used it anyway - with more acidic properties if exposed to strong electrical currents, turning it corrosive enough to eat through even Vibranium. Tony helped design electrical charges that should short any circuitry. With a redesign of Tony’s reactors, you upped the voltage on your stun gun and reconfigured it’s core to be self-sustaining, holding more power than the arc reactor at a fraction of the size. You added two connectable staffs that could release long, machete-like blades. Tony even helped you add a charging streak to your belt so your charges could be reused.

You were tempted to recreate the hooded cloak, not to hide behind but to use it defensively. It was all but indestructible and you knew it would be useful in the looming fight, not to mention you got used to having it protect you. So you redesigned it and cut out the hood completely. It was more of a poncho than a cloak but you knew it would serve its purpose, plus it added a certain look to your new uniform that you really adored. And with the help - and color input - from Tony, you were able to fabricate a new plated vest.

After a brief altercation with Ultron on the public streets, Steve ended up recruiting the Maximoffs to help fight against Ultron. And you knew you would need as much help as you could get. Romanoff was taken and Bruce, Tony, and Thor ended up bringing to life what Ultron had started in the cradle. Before you knew it, you were all in Sokovia. The evacuation mission was cut short by the city being torn from the ground so you had no choice but to fight while Stark tried to find a way down.

You stayed with Steve and fought at the edge of the bridge. You two made a pretty solid team, especially when one car with a woman still in it teetered over the edge. Steve caught the car by the bumper while you tried to help her out the door. The car broke off from the bumper before you could get her back safely. You slid your wrist along your belt to attach your wire line while you stepped off the edge without a second thought, ignoring Steve calling your name and the tug you felt on your cloak. You caught her by her arm and pulled her back to you before you turned back to the rock and shot your wire near one of the thick metal braces for the bridge while the car plummeted to the ground below.

Once the hook caught hold, you wrapped your hand around the wire and held to it tightly. You looked up and saw Steve peering over the edge and calling your name. You quickly thought if Steve was thinking of that day on the train and was scared to watch a second friend fall to an untimely and rather violent death. You had to shake the thought and focus on your current task. You attempted to pull yourself up with one arm, but with her additional weight, it wasn’t going to work.

“Listen to me very carefully.” You told the woman in your arms. Through her panic, she nodded that she was listening. “I want you to climb up to my shoulders, okay? Use the wire to keep you steady and reach for him but don’t let go of my hand until you have that wire. He’ll pull you the rest of the way up, alright?” She looked up to Steve and back to you, hesitation in her eyes. “I need you to trust me, okay? I’m not gonna let you go.”

She began to climb up your body unsteadily. You tried to use your knee or even your leg as something for her to get footing, but it was very tricky when dangling in mid-air. She slipped back a couple times and you could see her relief when you hadn’t let her go. She finally made her way to standing on your shoulders for Steve to lift her the rest of the way. Once her weight was gone, you began swinging your body to gain momentum. You kicked your feet hard to flip yourself up and over the edge. You released the wire from your wrist and went rolling across the pavement.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Steve said with a sigh of relief as he came to help you to your feet.

“Yeah, well, maybe you didn’t take all the stupid with you.” You nodded from the floor, rubbing the back of your head with one hand and holding the other out for him to help you up with. “That was a harder landing than I thought it would be.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He laughed and took your outstretched hand.

“Such language in front of a lady.” You teased and bounced on your toes. “Shame on you, Steven.”

“How’d you know about that?” He shook his head in amusement. “And I thought you said you weren’t a soldier.”

“I said I wasn’t mean enough for HYDRA.” You corrected while you brushed the dust off your suit. “I never said I wasn’t trained.”

There was a small lull between rounds. During that gap time, Tony explained that he could vaporize the rock but everyone on it wouldn’t make it off. Steve said he wouldn’t leave so long as there’s civilians there. You agreed, deciding that you hurt enough people so it was time to help.

“I’ve lived a long enough life.” You shrugged. “Time to give it back.”

“This is SHIELD?” Pietro asked when he saw the helicarrier that Nick Fury brought and the lifeboats that were sent.

“This is what SHIELD is supposed to be.” Steve said with a proud smile.

“I really was on the wrong side, wasn’t I?” You chuckled before helping guide the remaining Sokovians out of their hiding places and to the boats.

Tony quickly called you all back to the church, where Ultron was waiting for you. The Avengers -including yourself - fought tirelessly, protecting the core from Ultron and his soldiers. The assault was seemingly never ending, one after another after another. It only ended when Tony, Vision, and Thor were able to weaken Ultron and the Hulk launched him far away so the rest of the boys ran in an odd, automated terror.

“We gotta move.” You said after a deep breath. “I can’t be the only one noticing the air’s getting thin.”

“Yeah, I can tell too.” Steve agreed.

Wanda insisted that she should stay and protect the core, saying it was her job. You admired her determination and you could see how she survived Strucker’s experiments with the Scepter. You could tell, without even really knowing her, that she was going to grow into her powers and be a true force to be reckoned with.

It seemed like everyone was on the boats, ready to be guided to the SHIELD helicarrier. It seemed like you could all call it a day and let Tony finish what he had planned and blow the rock to pieces.

Until you heard her cries.

A woman was crying that her son was still back there. You turned and saw the small boy clinging to a metal pole. Barton saw him at the same time and headed that way first. You were the only one to notice the incoming Quinjet, and the pilot wasn’t an Avenger.

You had only moments to process what was happening. Ultron was going to open fire and that little boy and Barton had nowhere to take cover. You had to draw the fire away. Pietro tried to make a move before you but your brain formulated the plan before he could take his first step.

“There’s a hole in the windshield.” You commented to yourself before running from the lifeboat, ignoring Steve trying to call you back. “And I never miss.”

You pulled one of the explosives from your belt and set the charge while you ran. Once you felt comfortable enough with the distance you stopped behind an overturned car and there was just enough time to throw the explosive perfectly through the hole. It went off in Ultron’s face and drew his wrath towards you.

You quickly knelt down and turned your body away. As you were turning, you unbuttoned the new cloak and pulled the excess up to cover your head. You braced for one of the bullets to hit, but you weren’t ready for three to puncture your body. You cried out only once before the assault stopped and the dust settled.

Steve was quickly by your side, but you had fallen to your back by then. He hesitated when he saw the blood that was quickly staining your shirt. You offered a weak smile as he carefully scooped you into his arms and carried you back to the boat. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Barton and the little boy make it back as well.

“You should’ve let me do it.” Pietro scolded. “I would’ve been fine.”

“Oh shut it, Sonic.” You rolled your eyes. “Just make sure everyone else is okay…”

Steve set you down gently as Pietro left, muttering a quick rant, and you nodded in thanks. You saw the worry in his eyes and it was enough to bring you to tears.

“It’s okay, Steve.” You said weakly. “I lived a long enough life… Just tell James that I’m sorry, okay? I wish I-” You groaned slightly. “I wish I could’ve told you guys everything…”

“You can tell him yourself.” Steve insisted, scanning the boat for an available medic.

You felt yourself losing blood fast. You hadn’t even inspected your wounds so you finally looked down and saw the three spreading crimson blotches. One was through your left shoulder, another through the lower half of your ribcage on the left side, and the final one was near your right hip. You winced slightly as you straightened up as best you could and put a hand over Steve’s.

“It’s okay, really.” You nodded. “I’ll walk it off.”

Suddenly, the city began to fall but Steve wasn’t on the boat. You instantly dropped to your stomach and reached over the edge, catching Steve by the wrist with one hand and using the suction in the other palm to keep you both from going down. You groaned loudly at the pull of his weight and the pain that blossomed from throwing yourself onto your wounds, but you ignored it. You pulled Steve up with all the strength you had until he could grip the ramp and pull himself up the rest of the way.

“Told you the girl underneath does the right thing.” You said quietly as you rolled onto your back. “Besides, this is a pretty cool way to die.”

Your eyes fluttered closed as your breathing slowed… Slowed… Slowed.

You woke up the next day - maybe multiple days later - in the new Avengers compound. You sat up carefully and remembered what happened, your bullet wounds and blood loss. Though when you looked under your new shirt, there was almost no proof. Helen Cho, the doctor that started creating Vision in the cradle, smiled at you as you swung your feet down so you could get up.

You wandered outside and found Steve and Tony as Thor was leaving. You smiled and approached them. Steve opened his arms for a hug while Tony talked.

“…hope nobody blows it up.” Tony finished.

“Well maybe don’t put your address on television and dare someone to come get you.” You joked.

“The simple life.” Steve nodded.

“You’ll get there some day.” Tony said kindly.

“I don’t know.. Family and stability? The guy that wanted that went into the ice seventy five years ago.” Steve explained. “I think somebody else came out.”

“You alright?”

“I’m home.” He nodded.

“And you?” Tony turned to you. “Little miss appears-out-of-nowhere-and-kicks-ass. I heard what you did for Barton and the kid. How you feelin’?”

You chuckled softly and patted where the bullet hit near your hip. “Good as new.. I don’t think I deserve this second chance but I know I have to make the best of it now.” You said honestly. “I think this opportunity to help people has really helped me figure some stuff out, so thanks Tony.”

He smiled softly and nodded with a quick pat on your arm. “Don’t be a stranger, alright? I promise I’ll only let it ring three, maybe four times.” He joked before getting into his car and leaving.

“You gonna stick around?” Steve asked. “We could use someone like you.”

“Actually, there’s someone else I need to find and make amends with.” You said carefully. “That’s assuming you and I are good?”

“Y/N, you put your life on the line without a thought to save that kid and Clint. You saved me even though you were hurting.” He said proudly. “No matter what you did in the past or who you were, that’s who you really are and it’s who you’ve always been. That’s the girl I’m proud to call my friend.”

“That means more than I can ever put into words.” You smiled widely. “And hey. You ever need me, I’ll be around.” You pulled the piece of paper with your phone number that you had put in your boot before you left the med wing. “But unlike Stark, I won’t just let it ring.”

“Where you gonna go?” He asked as he took the paper. “You do have a plan, right?”

“I’m not completely sure actually.” You said simply. “He’s gonna be a tricky one to track down but I’ve gotta find him… You think he’ll be happy to see me?”

“You kidding?” He smiled. “He’s gonna lose it when he sees you again.”

As you began your adventure to find James, you understood something. You were Nightmare, but she wasn’t all you were. You did a lot of bad things when HYDRA was all you knew, all you had. But now… You had so much more.

Tony and Steve giving you the chance to be an Avenger, if only for that fight, allowed you to prove to yourself that there was so much of Y/N left when Nightmare was out of the picture. And honestly, you liked who you were without her, but you knew you’d never fully be rid of her and you knew you’d be okay with that eventually. The only thing left to close that chapter of your life completely was to come clean. First to James, then to Steve.

Hopefully they could forgive you.

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petertingle-yipyip · 2 years

Text

NIGHTMARE - THREE (BUCKY BARNES)

THREE - LAST ONE STANDING

Last Part // Next Part // Masterlist

Tags: @writingsbychlo @bangtanxberm @calums-betch @ladyyystark @buckyys-doll @spideysimpossiblegirl @tgirljeep388

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x HYDRA!reader

Word Count: 10,287

Summary: Her short time of peace is brought to an abrupt end. After a small interaction with someone from her past, will Y/N keep her compsure long enough to complete the most conflicting mission of her career? Does she choose Nightmare and HYDRA or does she choose Steve and Y/N?

Notes: Can we talk about the quality of this gif? I’m obsessed!! Anyway, it’s a violent chapter (maybe blood mention) and talk of scars w/ mild cursing. Once again, blame Google if the Russian is bad :/

The next couple years left you in pieces. You were the product of an attempted chemical agent to dismantle free will. Lucky for you, it wasn’t perfected yet and the facility was destroyed before it could be. You remembered chasing down the plane of those who burned the building to ash, but they had just barely gotten away. You hadn’t thought about it much since, but every now and then you wonder what happened to the two little girls because you knew you didn’t kill them.

And while they could easily trigger a fully compliant Nightmare, it wouldn’t last forever. Y/N would come back naturally after a couple days, but every time it seemed to take a little longer for your brain to rebalance itself. You were always aware of what you were doing, acting purposefully in regards to the assignments you were given. You were intentionally looking to complete your missions and to complete them well, but you knew you didn’t want to. Only it wasn’t about what you wanted anymore. Sometimes on simple missions when you were Y/N acting as Nightmare, it was hard to tell what was fake and what wasn’t.

It wasn’t until Rumlow and Pierce were fundamentally running the show that you had some semblance of peace. They told you that they didn’t need Nightmare for now so you were able to be yourself. They expected your full cooperation if and when that time came and they told you to keep a low profile until then.

It was a relief to be in conscious control of your actions for the time being. The only pain now - other than the weight of what you’ve done - was the constant wonder of what was happening to James. Was he still in Siberia? Was he on ice? You hadn’t heard any new stories of the Winter Soldier so you assumed he was on stand-by. Though a small part of you hoped he got out, you dreaded the possibility that the Winter Soldier was gone entirely.

Your feet took you through the familiar halls of the Smithsonian without much of a thought. You passed by people and kids, enjoying the freedom. It was those kinds of situations that made you glad you had created Nightmare. You didn’t have to hide in public, to duck in alleyways and sink into shadows. The blood on your hands wasn’t visible to everyone without the mask on, and even then, most wouldn’t know what you’ve done. You - like the Winter Soldier - were passed off as a ghost story, a made up figure as HYDRA’s scare tactic.

That was almost true.

You wandered the known path to the ever-popular Captain America exhibit. It was busy as usual with kids on friend trips and soldiers, both enlisted and veterans. Everyone pushed through to read Steve’s biography and find a seat to watch the short film that featured Peggy Carter. You had seen the film a few times and it was nice to know that she didn’t spend her life stuck on him. Though truthfully, a part of you envied her. How nice would it have been for your head if you had been able to let go of those feelings for James? Your service to HYDRA would’ve been an achievement then rather than a burden. But maybe it was better that you had something to hold on to…

You replayed the familiar thought as you snuck through the nearly feral crowd of school age children. They clamored to the gift shop to see what Steve replica memorabilia they could buy. They screamed at each other and shoved each other as they bumped and tripped their way through the museum. You chuckled to yourself as the teacher frantically tried to control the rabid children. You, however, weren’t there for the cheap souvenirs or to hear a relatively mutilated recap of Steve’s story. A recap that didn’t include Nightmare.

You learned that the first day you visited and part of your ego was bruised a bit, but you supposed it made sense and was better for you. Peggy Carter and Howard Stark seemed to be the main sources for the exhibit so of course they had no real knowledge of you. And what they did know, they probably didn’t have much proof to show. So your existence was omitted completely.

There was a small display at the exhibit for James and the rest of his unit, the Howling Commandos, that you always found yourself at. You weren’t even sure if it was intentional or some subconscious attempt to bring back the boy who so easily held a candle in your lonely heart. You stood in front of his section and sighed inwardly, gently running your fingers over the plexiglass that covered his photo. You hadn’t seen James in so long, only the Winter Soldier and even that was years ago.

“Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country.” The announcer ran through the familiar words.

Every time you heard that line it felt like a hot poker in your chest. You knew it was a lie. He was alive. It wasn’t much of a life, but he wasn’t dead, though you weren’t quite sure which was better. Selfishly, you tried to convince yourself that working for HYDRA was better than being dead, but that was only because that was the choice you had made when you were a child. You tried every day to reason that your lifestyle was better than death, but nearly everyday proved to give you nothing to support that claim. Maybe everything would’ve been better if you had chosen the other path and let your parents’ legacy end with them.

“You’re probably the first person I’ve seen over here.” A familiar voice came from your side and pulled you from your spiraling, pessimistic thoughts, making you pull your hand away quickly as if you were touching something you shouldn’t have. Something that wasn’t yours. “Well, to really stay over here for more than a minute..”

You turned quickly to see Steve standing beside you. He wore a cheap ball cap and had a pair of glasses tucked into his shirt collar, as if to hide from the public eye. You couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight. He was just as welcoming and warm as you remembered and you almost let yourself run into him for a hug. You noticed that time really hadn’t touched him while he was in the ice. Sure, you had seen the film and news stories from when the aliens came to New York years prior and he seemed like the old Steve, but seeing him in person, it really proved that physically, he was still the same.

You hadn’t seen Steve since the war. You had felt your heart drop when you heard that he didn’t make it off the plane that night. Part of you felt that you had sent Steve Rogers to his death by putting him on that plane, that that was the first real blood on Nightmare’s hands. But then, decades later, he was still alive. Preserved from his time and dropped into a whole new one.

“Yeah.” You said finally, after realizing you were taking too long to answer. “I’ve always liked this piece better… I prefer his story, but the ending is kinda unfair. The only Howling Commando not to make it back.”

“Why's that, if you don’t mind me asking.” Steve asked with a warm smile. He was touched that someone else cared for his friend’s story.

“Everyone cares about Steve, y’know? Yay, Captain America and all that.” You began with a shrug. “Not to say that I don’t care, but him- James Barnes.. Shouldn’t we care about him just as much?”

“A lot of good men died in that war…” He agreed sadly. “This group was probably some of the bravest men that fought.”

“Speaking from personal experience there, Captain?” You teased lightly. He chuckled and shook his head, as if in disbelief you knew. “The hat probably won’t work on someone shorter than you, which is almost everyone. But your secret’s safe with me.”

“Gotta try sometimes, right?” He laughed lightly.

“He was your best friend, right?” You nodded to the picture of James. He sighed regretfully - likely remembering the day James fell - and nodded. “Would it be weird if I said he’s very pretty?”

“Oh trust me, he knew.” Steve joked, making you laugh in return because you knew Steve was right. “He got almost every girl he wanted without having to try very hard.”

“Almost, hmm? Guess you can’t charm them all.” You tried to sound playful, but that line seemed to upset you a bit. If he got every girl he wanted, were you really that special?

“There was one girl, right before the war.” He explained. You listened intently while you watched the small screen play a quick video of James laughing with Steve. The wide smile on his face made your heart ache while it beat a little faster at Steve’s words.

God, when was the last time you heard James laugh? Seen a real, honest smile from him?

“Her name was Y/N Cervantes.”

You turned back to Steve quickly. You thought you were made. You didn’t have a cover story thought up already. You’d have to run. How quick could you get to the exit?

“He uh- He died in the fight before he could make it back to her..”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Were you friends with her too?” You spoke carefully, not allowing any emotion into your voice. Only innocent curiosity. You were interested to know what story Steve knew.

“A little bit, yeah.” He shrugged casually. “We didn’t get to hang out a lot before everything.” He gestured to himself.

“I’m sure she was proud of you both.” You wished you could tell him you were proud of him. “I doubt she ever forgot you… Or him. Especially with a heart like yours and a smile like his.”

“I tried looking her up when I got out of the ice, see if maybe she was still alive...” He began softly, regretfully almost. You felt the guilt stinging in your chest again. You never wanted to reveal yourself more than in those moments. “Never found anything. It was as if she never existed… Maybe I got her last name wrong, I don’t know.”

“Or maybe she just didn’t want to be found..” You offered. That part, at least, was true. Only Cervantes was never your last name. Y/L/N was the reality. He couldn’t find Y/N Cervantes because she never really existed outside of his memory. “Could've been too hard to lose you both so she started over somewhere new.”

“Y’know.. You seem familiar. Have we met before?” Steve asked suddenly. Making eye contact with him, you realized he was studying your face.

You knew you looked pretty much the same, only now you had a different haircut - longer with loose curls and face framing bangs and when he knew you, your hair was always neatly braided and pinned up. You wore little to no makeup and simple, nondescript clothes. You weren’t intended to stand out, you never were.

You laughed slightly with a small shrug, backing away a few steps after one last look at James’ smiling image. The potential recognition was your cue to leave. “Maybe you knew my grandma.” You joked and offered a lazy salute before leaving the exhibit.

You didn’t realize how nice it would feel to talk to someone as Y/N, talk to someone other than HYDRA operatives. And of all people, running into Steve Rogers felt like something more than just a chance occasion.

You wondered what else that interaction would lead to, what type of investigation into your sudden disappearance and questions would arise. You thought about if it could lead Steve to the HYDRA agents embedded into SHIELD, leading him to Nightmare. To you. It was too late to change any of it so you just had to trust that Steve would let it go. But something in your bones told you that you’d be seeing the Captain again. After all, he wasn’t the type to give up so easily.

When you got the call for an assignment, there were mixed feelings. The peace you had up until then had been nice but it made you uneasy. HYDRA wasn’t one to forget something as dangerous as yourself. You had begun to wonder if someone had gotten the entire organization exposed. But you dismissed that thought, knowing you would’ve seen something on the news about SHIELD’s big HYDRA bust, likely with Captain America leading the charge. You didn’t know how much of Y/N would be left when HYDRA inevitability goes down and you wouldn’t need to be Nightmare anymore but at least you didn’t have to face that yet.

You were given your assignment, head of SHIELD operations Nick Fury. You were told the plan, that undercover agents would pose as NYPD and attempt to end it before you had to get involved. But being that he was a high priority target, you were called for support. Not only you, but the Winter Soldier as well. It was a relief to know that nothing bad had happened to him, but you didn’t quite feel happy to see the Winter Soldier.

You and the Winter Soldier were waiting a few blocks away from the initial interception point. You were told that if things didn’t go as planned, they would lead him to you and you didn’t have a lot of faith in your associates. So you two waited in the alley until you heard anything. You watched the screen in your hand while you sat on a pile of discarded pallets, kicking your feet aimlessly.

“It hasn’t been too bad for you since they relocated me, has it?” You tried asking James as you waited for further instructions. You peaked up from your screen and saw he wasn’t looking at you.

He said nothing, only stood opposite of you and leaned against the wall behind him. His head was tilted down, either in thought or zoning out. You hopped off your seat and closed the distance, gently lifting his chin so he would look at you.

It must look odd to anyone else, two figures in dark clothing with masks covering their faces. One with a hood drawn to hide her eyes and the other with dark goggles to hide his. But in a world of Avengers, no one paid anyone a second glance.

“If only we could’ve gotten out together… Imagine that.” You said softly. He tilted his head in question and you let out a soft, defeated sigh. Your words were going in one ear and out the other, meaning nothing to him.

Your screen beeped before anything else could be said and when you looked down, you saw the red dot getting closer and closer. You glanced back to the Winter Soldier and nodded for him to follow you into the street as you shoved the device into a pocket. It was easy to locate the beat up SUV as it drew closer. Beside you, he lifted the massive gun and took the shot. The disc attached to the underside of the vehicle and blew, sending it toppling upside down.

He reached his arm out for you and pulled you to the side, out of the way of the now airborne vehicle. Using the material of your cloak after you unbuttoned it, you stood in front of him and pulled it up to block the smoke and loose gravel. You knew he didn’t care for the protection, but you hoped part of him was thankful.

You two moved through the smoke quickly, the gun in his hand and a blade now in yours after replacing your cloak. By the time you reached the vehicle, Fury was gone. He escaped through a hole he cut into the roof and went underground.

You slammed your blade into the tire and huffed in annoyance. He looked over at you and you wished he wasn’t wearing the goggles so you could see more of what he was thinking. It really annoyed you in moments like that. At least with your hood, people could still see your eyes at some point.

“Either we track him ourselves or we go back with nothing.” You said simply, yanking your blade free and shoving it into the back of your belt. “What’s it gonna be, Soldier? Your call.”

You held a hand out for him, asking him to follow you. You were afraid that if you went back with nothing, Pierce would shut you down and bring out Nightmare. He would think it was a flaw in Y/N’s thinking and that you purposefully let Fury get away. And you didn’t want to think what he would do to James.

After a moment, he took your hand and you let out a sigh of relief. You even smiled at him but you knew he didn’t see it. But maybe he saw it in your eyes.

You ignored the attempts Pierce made to contact you. Your phone’s screen flashed with his messages but you ignored them all, tapping to delete each one. It took the rest of the day, but you eventually found Fury in an apartment building on the other side of town.

He had the shot easily, but something told you to wait. You told him you wanted to see where he went, to see who would’ve helped him so you could see if they were a target as well. You pulled your binoculars from your small duffle and set up beside him, focusing on the apartment. It was too dark to see anything yet, until a momentary flick of light. It was enough for you to see him through the cracks in the blinds. Steve Rogers.

“Of course he went to the Captain.” You complained before shoving your binoculars away. You tightened the bag over your shoulder and turned to him. “Take the shot.”

Four shots rang out and you waited a moment but there was no response, no one looking through the window or yelling. So you and the Winter Soldier took off. As you two were leaving the rooftop, you heard the shatter of glass. Turning, you saw Steve jumping across the building gaps.

“Son of a bitch.” You groaned before turning back to your escape route. “The guy doesn’t know how to quit.” You complained as you caught up. He looked over in question and you simply waved him off.

You two jumped down to the next roof level and rolled through to get back to your feet. As you two were reaching the edge, Steve burst through the door a few behind you. You turned to say something but the Winter Soldier had his arm around your waist and pulled you away as Steve launched his shield.

It was caught easily by his metal arm. You dropped to your knee to allow him to throw it back hard enough to push Steve back.

“Nice to see you again, Captain.” You mocked before stepping backwards off the ledge. The Winter Soldier went with you before Steve could gather himself. You two were gone before he had a chance to look for you again.

You two had gotten back to your outpost and the HYDRA scientists were checking on you two. You waved them off and stood from your chair. You noticed they were rather cautious with him, examining him from a distance.

“Enough.” You announced, pushing past them. If they weren’t going to do the job right, they didn’t need to be there. You pulled off your gloves and tucked them into your belt as you moved in to take their place. “Leave us.”

“But-“ One of them tried weakly.

You turned quickly to face them, leaning in slightly to punctuate your words. They cowered back slightly and their eyes went wide with fear.

“That wasn’t a request. Leave.”

You stood between his legs, calmly reaching to take his mask off as everyone else cleared out. You smiled softly as you placed it on the small tray next to you. You picked up the small towel and dipped it in the water bowl before turning back to him. You placed one hand on his jaw while you wiped the black away from his eyes gently.

“Did you know him?” He asked softly.

“Know who?” You asked simply. “The workers? They must be some new recruits or transfers.”

“The guy with the shield.” He corrected.

“I did, yeah.” You confessed. You chose your words carefully to not push him in one direction or the other. There was an uncertain vulnerability in his eyes and though you ached to tell him the truth, you didn’t want to put him at risk. Not until you knew for sure you could get both of you away safely. “I met him before you joined us.. We didn’t really get along then either.” You joked.

“Who is he?”

“Captain America.” You switched hands to clean the other side of his face. You figured if you said Steve Rogers, it would trigger something that he couldn’t afford to be triggered. You could tell Pierce and Rumlow weren’t the type to handle things kindly, especially something like this. “Nice guy, just different sides... You’re staring.” You noted after a moment of silence between you two.

“Sorry.” He muttered, almost inaudibly. “Can I.. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” You nodded, tossing the now smudged black rag to the tray. You turned your attention back to him, placing your hands on your lower back and tilting your head in interest. “Ask me anything.”

You figured he would ask something about you. Your past, or maybe about his. Usually, when you two were alone, he asked a couple questions that you could answer vaguely. You didn’t know what answers survived HYDRA’s tortures and which were gone, and though you shouldn’t, you didn’t mind indulging him in some truths every now and then. If you couldn’t tell him everything, then he deserved the truths you could tell him.

“Did I know you before? I just- I can’t get over how familiar you are...”

“Is that what you see when you look at me?” You asked gently, kneeling in the space you were standing. You crossed your arms over his lap and leaned your chin on your forearms while you waited for a response.

“Someone I should know…”

You nodded slowly as you leaned back, a gentle smile playing on your hidden features. He had asked you that a couple times. Whether he wasn’t sure or if it was something he just liked to hear, you didn’t know. You never asked. You kinda liked that you were what he always wanted to know about, but you wish you didn’t have to reintroduce yourself to him… You wanted him to hold on to your memory the way you held on to his.

“Before these?” You tapped his metal arm with one hand and your own face mask with the other. He nodded quietly, bracing himself for your answer. “Yeah, we knew each other a little bit… That’s the theory on why you trust me so much and so easily. I always cleaned you up and helped train you when I was around. Why do you think we work so well together?”

You watched a small smile cross his face. Almost a smile of relief. You had left your hand on his forearm while you spoke, a small gesture that you paid no mind to because you didn’t think it meant much. But to James, it showed that you weren’t scared of him the way everyone else seemed to be and that meant more than he could ever really explain.

“You’re not scared.” He commented.

You almost laughed. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me..” You said reassuringly. “I trust you, J-“ You stopped and cleared your throat. “I trust you.” You nodded.

“I don’t know your name.” He said, almost as it was a confession.

“Don’t feel bad.” You shrugged, hoping to offer some sort of consolation as you stood. You understood it was your choice - and it was probably for the best - but that didn’t mean you didn’t yearn to hear a certain broad-chested, blue eyed, brunette say it. “No one does… I’ll tell you one of these days.”

Meanwhile, Steve was following up on his own hunch. He went back to the hospital for the flash drive he had hidden in the vending machine days prior, only to find out Natasha took it. After a quick, tense conversation, Steve was able to get something on the mystery shooter and his mouthy accomplice.

“I know who killed Fury.” Natasha admitted, making Steve hesitate. “Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. Those that do call him the Winter Soldier. He’s credited with more than two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years. And if he’s around, there’s a girl that’s usually with him that’s at least twice as brutal.”

“Yeah, Nightmare.” Steve finished. “She was HYDRA during the war but she wasn’t anything like that. She had a good heart back then.”

“People change.”

“Not that much.”

“I did.”

“Your guy- He just sounds like a ghost story.”

“Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran.” Natasha explained. “Somebody took out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went right over a cliff. I pulled us out but the Winter Soldier and Nightmare were there. I covered my engineer and he shot him through me. Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye bye bikinis.”

“Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now.” He mocked.

“Going after them is a dead end. I know, I’ve tried.” She tried. “There’s nothing on Nightmare other than her kill record, which is extensive. No name, no face. Only a mask and hood and expertise in almost any weapon imaginable. If she was your friend, she’s not anymore.”

“And what about him? Nothing?”

“They make one hell of a tag team because they don’t care about the mess they leave behind. You don’t want to get involved in that, Steve.”

“Let’s find out what the ghosts want.”

A couple days later, you got word from Rumlow that the Black Widow and the Captain went to Camp Lehigh. They activated the old Zola program and would likely be going after one of the embedded HYDRA agents to get more information. You went to Pierce’s home that night at his request and waited quietly. If Pierce wanted to keep HYDRA’s power, he’d need to make a decision quick.

The Winter Soldier sat at the table with his gun laid out but you weren’t quite sure if he was intended to use it on Pierce or if he just had it out. You stood behind him with an arm on his shoulder while the other hand absentmindedly toyed with a blade, flipping it and spinning it over your knuckles. He came without his mask but you, of course, never left without it. You waited for his housekeeper to leave before speaking.

“Want some milk?” Pierce offered.

“Who drinks straight milk?” You rolled your eyes.

“Our window is limited.” He explained, ignoring your comment. “Two targets, level six.”

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about that. They already cost me Zola.”

“Bullshit.” You laughed. “You sent us after Fury and the Captain was there, which you didn’t warn us about but I have a feeling you knew would happen. Two level six targets? I want to know who they are or I won’t do it.”

“You really want to go this route?” He stood before you. “It’s very easy to make you change your mind.”

“Tell me who they are.” You said firmly despite the jump in your pulse.

He turned to the Winter Soldier. “Shut her up.”

You looked down at him as well with raised brows, waiting for him to move. The Winter Soldier simply looked at you, tilted his head in silent examination, and turned back to Pierce, completely unamused. You nearly laughed at how deadpan his expression was.

“Are you listening?” Pierce tried.

“He won’t hurt me.” You said proudly. “We were made to be partners, ‘an unstoppable team’ as Zola so constantly put it. Of course there’d be precautions so we wouldn’t be turned against each other, since people like you have agendas and agendas change. He won’t hurt me and I won’t hurt him.” Not that you wanted to, but Pierce didn’t need to know that. “Don’t you feel stupid?” You mocked.

“I want death confirmed in ten hours.” He continued his original instructions.

“And I want to know who they are.”

“You don’t need to-“

You slammed your blade into the table, less than an inch away from his hand. He stared at you in disbelief while you met his eyes with a serious glare. The stare down lasted only moments, but you could feel the Winter Soldier tensing beside you. If Pierce made any action to hurt you, you knew James would come to your aid.

“Am I scaring you yet, hmm?” You chuckled darkly. That was one of the moments where that definitive line didn’t seem to exist. “Oh, I should play along, act like you’re a tough guy, right?”

“We all have our roles to play in this organization.” He tried to reason.

“We’ve paid our dues.” You said seriously as you leaned forward and flattened both palms against the table. “Tell us. I can promise you, you won’t like me when I’m mean.”

Before Pierce could reply, his housekeeper came back in. You turned to her and saw her eyes go wide with fear. Admittedly, the scene probably was terrifying for someone who didn’t know. It was probably even more terrifying to those who did know too. Pierce picked up the gun and shot her twice without a second thought. You never understood how someone could be so heartless but it was HYDRA after all.

“Ten hours.” He repeated.

“I’ll do it in twelve.” You countered easily as you put your blade back in it’s rightful place.

“I said ten.”

“And I said twelve. If you won’t tell me who we’re after before we get there, I’m not doing it in your timeframe.” You shrugged. “Call it a compromise.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t say the words.”

“If you really wanted to-” You realized with a slight laugh. “-you would’ve already… You either don’t remember them or can’t say them since you don’t know Spanish… You have nothing to use against me.”

“I have him.” He said slowly, pointing to the Winter Soldier. “Something tells me that I can use him to get to you, can’t I?”

“Twelve hours.” Was all you answered with. You knew your avoidance was enough of an answer, but you wouldn’t dignify that accusation with any real words.

The next day, you and the Winter Soldier found yourselves on a highway bridge. The first target you were told about was Jasper Sitwell, a HYDRA agent who spilled the beans to Captain America and the Black Widow. You were utilizing the suction palm gloves to keep yourself on top of the speeding SUV.

“I’ll follow your lead.” You leaned forward to tell him. He turned to look at you but his expression was hidden behind his goggles again.

He landed with an audible thud and you saw Sitwell’s body be yanked from the car. He was thrown into traffic on the opposite side of the divider and that was the end of that leak. You watched from your position as he stood on the roof and began firing into it. The car suddenly came to a stop and he was thrown off.

You watched as he rolled to a quick kneel and used his metal arm to slow his slide. You smiled proudly as you remembered when you taught him that maneuver. Your SUV slammed into the back of the car and the Winter Soldier jumped over to the top of the car again. He reached his hand through the windshield for the steering wheel before turning back to the SUV.

You released the suction in your palm to allow yourself to slide to the hood. Replacing the suction to the windshield, you reached out for his hand. He took it - though you doubted he needed it - and let you pull him to you. You two watched as the car spun out of control after your SUV slammed it again.

“They bailed.” You said with a mock pout as you saw three figures escape the now airborne car.

You two jumped off the hood when the SUV came to a stop and one of the agents sent with you handed the Winter Soldier an explosive launcher. You pulled your stun gun from your belt and followed his lead. He shot at Steve, who was sent flying off the bridge. You almost laughed at how cartoon-ish it looked.

Truthfully, you didn’t want to kill Steve or the Black Widow or their new friend. But you knew Rumlow would likely show up at any moment and if you didn’t look the part, they’d use James against you. You had to protect him.

While you got closer to the Widow and their friend, the four agents sent to assist were firing nonstop. You waited until you had a clear shot because emptying bullets into cars did nothing but keep them in hiding. He fired again which made her jump the barrier and the third sent her over the edge. He traded to a different rifle as he approached the edge from your side.

You pushed your hood back before you peered over and down, waiting to see the Widow. He was scanning for the Captain so he didn’t see her beneath him. You were quick to kneel out of the way and reached for him as you went down. A bullet caught his goggles as he dropped so he pulled them off in annoyance as they were now cracked.

You swung a leg over his so you could kneel in the open space between his knees. You quickly checked the side that got hit and the other side, using one hand to push his hair from his face. His eyes seemed to soften a bit when they met yours, which you were sure betrayed the concern you had. He nodded, telling you he was okay. So you patted his cheek - or you should say his mask - and moved out of his way.

He stood and began firing over the edge, disregarding the fact that other people could’ve gotten hit instead. The Widow fired at him as soon as she saw him, but you stayed low. You held yourself just high enough that your line of sight and elbows cleared the concrete barrier and aimed for the Widow.

You shot the energy beam at her and hit her square in the chest. The blast was strong enough to send her flying back, likely knocking the air from her chest. It would take her a minute to recover from that.

“Я возьму ее. Ты его находишь.” You told the Winter Soldier as you hopped up to the top of the concrete and tucked your gun into its holster. (I’ll take her. You find him.)

“Что случилось с моим руководством?” He replied flatly and grabbed at your wrist. (What happened to following my lead?)

“А, ну…” You began, turning to face him. “Думаю, ей будет весело, как в Одессе.” You winked before stepping backwards. (Ah, well… I think she’ll be fun, just like in Odessa.)

You spun quickly and landed light on your feet on the ground. You heard a heavy crash beside you and when you looked, he had landed on a car roof and collapsed it.

“Was that necessary?” You teased with an eye roll. “I taught you better than that.”

He waved you off and nodded for you to go ahead.

“We go together.” He said simply.

You went to where you saw the Widow hit the ground but she was gone. You let out a huff of annoyance and gripped your stun gun once again. You moved carefully, listening for steps or bumps into vehicles or the click of a gun. He tapped your arm to get your attention and pointed in the direction of a voice.

He knelt down and you stayed standing, your back to him so you could watch for any surprises. He rolled one of the compact explosives you designed in the direction of the voice. Once it went off, she came from your direction.

She kicked your gun out of your hand and grabbed the back of your neck. She threw herself around and climbed up your shoulders. She kept one knee bent behind your shoulders, the other hooked around your arm. She used a wire in an attempt to choke you, but you managed to get your forearm underneath it in time.

You backed up until you came in contact with a car to brace your back. You reached up and gripped her jacket sleeve. You threw yourself forward through a hard tumble but let go of her sleeve once you felt her leg unhook from your arm. She went flying into the next car while you came up in a crouch. You looked up to see a small disc coming to his metal arm, releasing an electrical current that disabled his arm.

You reacted after only a second’s hesitation and moved to pull the disc off. A small shock went through your glove as you crushed the device before you tossed the disc aside. He stared at the ground for a moment, as if in shock of what just happened. He shook it off after a moment and rotated his arm quickly before nodding to you that he was good before you could ask. You both grabbed your guns again and went after the Widow.

As she ran through the crowd, she warned as many of them as she could. He fired a shot through her shoulder and she had to duck behind a car. He climbed on a trunk to end it when Steve came barreling in. You pulled the barrel of his gun towards where Steve was coming from to change his attention and save the Widow.

You fired your stun gun at Steve, causing a falter in his step but not enough to stop him since he had his shield up. You fired again before you spun out of Steve’s way just in time for the Winter Soldier to throw a solid punch that Steve blocked with his shield. The Winter Soldier pushed the shield to the side and landed a hard front kick that sent Steve flying back. He fired off more rounds, using two additional guns.

“Enough with the guns!” You complained loudly, shoving your own weapon back into its holster. Though he didn’t look at you, you knew he heard you and was likely annoyed by your comment. You glanced back to where the Widow had hid but you couldn’t see her anymore.

The two began going hand to hand, him catching the shield and flipping Steve over. You moved in then, meeting Steve with a swift hook kick. The shield was taken out of Steve’s hands so you used that opening to your advantage. While the Winter Soldier had the shield and used it against Steve, you kept applying pressure.

You connected with a quick combo of body shots, ducking Steve’s sloppy swings. You caught one of Steve’s punches and twisted his arm outward. You drove your elbow down into his arm and then back against his jaw. You dropped so the Winter Soldier could land a solid jab to his chest.

You reached up for Steve’s shirt and pulled him down while you rolled to your back, getting your feet between your bodies. You extended your legs hard and released his shirt to send him flying into the side of a car while you continued your momentum through a backwards tumble.

Steve ran back in quickly and he was met with his own shield being thrown at him. He had no choice but to dodge and let it be wedged in the back of a van. You pulled a knife from the holster at the front of your leg and ran back to meet Steve. You were behind the Winter Soldier so when he heard your feet coming, he ducked and allowed you to roll over his back for a long attempted slash while he pulled a blade of his own.

You both alternated between swipes and stabs at Steve, who could only attempt to dodge and block your quick attacks. There was a point where you and the Winter Soldier were almost crossed up so you both tossed your blades over the other’s arm and switched so you wouldn’t lose momentum. You were impressed by the small trick, considering you two had never practiced anything like that.

There was a small opening for Steve while you pulled your arm back that he landed a sharp jab to your nose. Even with your mask, you felt it crack. It wasn’t long before the blood began to leak to your mouth and the sharp contact brought a few tears welling in your eyes. The cheap shot served as a slight distraction and the Winter Soldier was sent flying by one of Steve’s kicks.

Steve came in quick with a knee that connected and forced James back against a truck. He blocked Steve’s next punch and you inserted yourself back into the action. You came up from behind and kicked out the back of Steve’s knee. Once he dropped to a kneel, you put your hands on your shoulders to brace yourself as you jumped up to hook your legs around his neck.

You twisted your body around and threw yourself back. Once the motion was started, you released your legs and braced yourself to hit the ground. But you didn’t. You were caught by your partner while Steve was sent rolling away.

“This is fun.” You told him as he set you back on your feet. “We’re doing great.”

He rolled his eyes in what you assumed was amusement before getting back into the fight. Steve went straight for the Winter Soldier and the two traded blows for a minute until Steve caught him by the arm and flipped him to his back. You quickly grabbed the second knife from your holster and flung it so it would zip right by Steve’s head as a distraction. It gave your partner enough time to get up and grab Steve by the throat and throw him over the car.

You both moved over the car and attempted to land a devastating blow, but Steve was able to roll out of the way so all that resulted was a divot in the asphalt. He got to his feet quickly and you moved in before the Winter Soldier could. You threw shots at each other that the other seemed to counter easily and all it did was make you more annoyed. You brought your knee up into his stomach and once he doubled over, you followed with the same knee to his chin. You had to spin quickly out of the way to allow your partner to move in, knife in hand.

He connected a solid front kick before attempting to use the knife. Steve barely caught it in time and redirected the blade into the van he was pinned against. Steve moved down the side of the van and straight into the right hook you had waiting for him. He grabbed his shield and smacked you with it before moving back into his fight with James.

After a quick minute, he was able to flip him over his shoulder and the move caused his mask to come off. You froze for a minute, anxious to see what would happen. You had no idea what to expect. All you could do was move from the ground to your partner's side. When he turned to face Steve, the blond instantly straightened in disbelief.

“Bucky?” Steve asked wildly. “What did you do to him?” He accused you.

“That hurts my feelings.” You answered easily. “I’ve been good to him, Captain.”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” He asked quickly before he pulled a gun. You weren’t sure if you were relieved with that reaction or disappointed.

You heard a sudden whoosh and pulled him to the ground, narrowly missing Steve’s new friend. When you both stood, he looked back at Steve with confusion plain on his face before he raised his gun again. He realized the Widow before you did so this time, he was the one to pull you to the ground while used his metal arm to block any debris that came from the Widow’s shot at you with one of the discarded explosive launchers.

“We have to go.” You told him quickly as you heard the sirens. “The STRIKE team will take it from here.”

With one hesitant look back, he nodded in agreement and let you take his hand. You threw your hood back on and ran before the smoke could clear. You paused when you were a good distance away to turn back and see what happened. Steve, the Widow, and the new guy were taken into custody. There was a moment where it seemed like it would be an execution instead of an arrest, and you knew you couldn’t let that slide, but Rumlow stopped that before it got too far. So you turned your attention back on your escape and began running once again. You didn’t have time to wait.

You and James made your way to the underground lockup where you were told to go after the mission. You were examined by the doctors and cleared to resume whatever action you were needed for next. You watched their bustle and fuss around James. You stayed close by and remained silent while they worked to repair his arm. Your eyes travelled along the seam of the arm, where it met his chest. You looked at the scar and tried to remember if it had always been so prominent. It almost looked like he had been cawing at it at some point. You stepped closer for a better look when you felt an unpleasant but familiar tingle in your nose. As a kid, you would get nosebleeds due to the dry air so you knew what it felt like when the leftover blood and the slimy clot was ready to go.

“Can I get a tissue?” You asked instead of mentioning the scar, reaching one hand to the sensors in your mask.

You were handed a tissue without anyone lifting their head to see you. You rolled your eyes as you took it, thinking that they could at least pretend to care.

You turned your back to everyone and repositioned your hood before removing your mask. You blew your nose forcefully to get the remaining blood and clot out of your nostril. You heard the gate open as you were folding the tissue to trash it. Without realizing your mask wasn’t on, you turned to see Pierce and Rumlow entering.

You tossed the tissue in the trash and dropped your eyes to replace your mask. However, you couldn’t hide your face before James saw. You caught his expression change from your peripherals and felt your stomach sink as you fit the metal to its usual position.

He knew.

He had to. All those times of your truth being at the edge of his thoughts, knocking on the door for him to answer. It was always just out of reach but now that he saw the entirety of your face… It was impossible for you to disregard. You had given yourself away.

“You good over there, Nightmare?” Rumlow asked as your eyes lingered on James while you saw he was processing your face. He was trying to figure out who you really were. You shook your focus quickly and turned to face Rumlow. You dropped your hood as you answered.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You nodded. “The Captain got me in the face with the shield so I was checking for anything broken.”

“Ain’t that what the mask is for?” Rumlow scoffed.

“Not quite but it’s not like any of you listen to me anyway.” You mumbled

Pierce waved for everyone to drop their guns as he got deeper into the room. You moved closer to James, your hands folded neatly behind your back while you watched Pierce carefully.

“Mission report.” Pierce asked. Neither of you gave a response, but you could tell he wasn’t asking you. You put a hand on James’ shoulder gently but got no response. “Mission report now.”

“Sitwell is dealt with.” You spoke up as he moved closer. He leaned forward in front of James and didn’t acknowledge your words. “STRIKE intercepted the Captain, the Widow, and their new friend. The Widow left with a gunshot wound to the-“

Your words were cut off as Pierce connected a quick backhand to your partner’s face. You acted without a thought, grabbing his wrist and twisting it outward. You slammed your foot to his knee and connected a right hook of your own. You heard the guns click and glanced up to see every barrel pointing at you. You had to quickly calculate the risk and you decided you were going to flesh the instance out. How long exactly would they let you go until they try to stop you? And how ruthless would they actually be?

“Let him go, Nightmare.” Rumlow instructed. You lifted your head and saw his pistol aimed at you. You quirked a brow in challenge and twisted Pierce’s arm out further, causing him to groan in pain. “Let him go!” He yelled.

“How pathetic.” You mocked and wrapped the fingers of your free hand around his throat, squeezing slightly. “For us to work for a man who can’t even defend himself.. My partner and I can bring the god of war to his knees and when there’s hell to pay, they’re cursing our names. Yet we are at the mercy of Alexander Pierce… Go ahead and pull the trigger, Rumlow.” You urged with a challenging twitch of your brow. “He’d be dead before you got the shot off.”

“She’s right.” Pierce tried and clawed at the hand you had around his throat. “Put the guns down.”

Once the guns were lowered, you leaned forward to whisper in Pierce’s ear. “You touch him again and I will kill you. I don’t care who’s around.” You threatened lowly before pushing him away.

“You all should know by now.” You announced as you moved to take your place besides James again, holding your head high. “You treat us both with respect, or I won’t hesitate to put you on your ass in front of everyone. Or else you’ll regret doing the Devil dirty. And there is nothing I do better than revenge.”

“The man on the bridge.” James spoke up gently. “Who was he?”

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.” Pierce answered simply.

“It’s more than that.” You mumbled.

“I knew him.” James mumbled. “And I know you.” He turned his head to you.

“Yeah..” You nodded sadly. “You know me.”

“Your work together has been a gift to mankind.” Pierce tried to redirect the conversation away from his memories, and you wanted to punch him again but you decided not to tempt Rumlow’s trigger happy fingers. So you stood by your partner and let him talk. “You’ve shaped the century. And we need you two to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos so tomorrow morning, we have to give it a push.”

“You can’t seriously believe that.” You laughed.

You had reached a tipping point of your own. You had gone through a lot and did everything HYDRA had asked of you for decades. But you had enough. You couldn’t sit there and follow orders anymore. You were tired of the lies, of the blood you had to spill. You were tired of being on your own because of what you had done.

It felt like mania, like you had finally snapped. It was terrifying but also freeing. You hadn’t stopped to think of what could happen to you, what Pierce or Rumlow could do. Would they put you through the same torture they put James through? Would they find a way to make James kill you, something slow and agonizing? Or would they do it themselves?

Pierce didn’t have the stomach for it and Rumlow favored brute force. If anything, you thought they’d tie your hands behind your back and let the STRIKE team beat the hell out of you. They’d beat you within an inch of your life and find a way to get the Winter Soldier to finish it. Maybe if they mangled your face beyond recognition, he wouldn’t know it was you. Maybe they could turn him against you if they were desperate enough.

“Choose your next words carefully, Nightmare.” Pierce warned.

“Or what?” You challenged, taking a few steps to put yourself between Pierce and James. “We’re so fucking mean and elitist. Your proposal is insane! God, I fell for all the flamethrowers and the tech, the circuit boards and rocket ships. If only you could be what you pretend you are.”

“That’s enough!” Pierce exclaimed.

You were met with a sharp backhand, but it didn’t stop your mouth. Your words were already spilling out. Nothing could stop you now. You heard the rustling behind you but you used a hand behind your back to tell him to wait. If you could draw the brunt of his wrath, maybe James could get out of it unscathed. It wasn’t his fault you had enough.

“You forgot I fight back.” You said with a tilt of your head before you landed a hard right hook. “You should know that I can take a beating. I do this all the time.”

One of the nearby STRIKE members slammed the butt of his rifle against your jaw and your stance faltered. You quickly gathered your wits and kicked out at his chest, sending him flying into the wall behind him.

“My position was earned by blood so I might deserve your fate or worse.” You admitted with a nod as you surveyed the rest of the men in the room. “As someone guilty of the game, if any girl on earth should get to make a call about this, it’s me. And as I see it, you’re a dick.”

“Enough!” He shouted again over you.

“You think you can tear humanity apart with the same machines that should’ve been a brand new start!” You yelled, voice breaking. “So fuck your rockets and your tricks. This entire operation is pathetic!”

“And yet here you are.” He said simply. “Hiding behind a mask, behind a persona you created so you didn’t have to own up to what you’ve done.”

“I know what I’ve done.” You said carefully, backing away to your original position. “And I’ve tried to make up for it in whatever ways I can.”

“You need to do your part so I can do mine.” He said firmly. “So HYDRA can give the world the freedom it deserves.”

“And yet we have none.” You scoffed. “Our hands are the bloodiest and yet we get the least freedom!”

“But I knew him.” James said again. You placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He looked up at you with a sad smile as his hand reached across for yours without thinking of the consequences. He was relieved that you were there for him, there to support him and not dismiss him.

“Prep him.” Pierce said suddenly as he stood to leave.

“You can’t.” You replied in terror, gripping his hand tightly. “He’s been out of cryo too long… The man you get out may not be someone you can control. The effects could be devastating… I won’t let you do that to him.”

“Then wipe him and start over.” He looked you dead in the eyes. “And I want her to press the button.”

“I won’t do that either.” You said softly. “I won’t. I don’t care what you do to me anymore. I’m done hurting him.”

“Like I said…” He said simply, spreading his arms in a grand gesture. “I can use him-“ He pointed to James. “-to get to you.” He pointed to you.

Pierce looked over to Rumlow, who hesitated for a moment before nodding. A small sigh seemed to leave him before he turned his attention to you.

“Solo. Perfeccionado.” He said carefully. You instantly felt the pressure building in your head but you fought it. You fought to keep control of your mind but you couldn’t combat the chemical imbalance for long. “Trece. Sombras.”

You cried out in pain as the pressure grew. Your stomach twisted to the point you wanted to vomit. You could barely breathe under your mask but you refused to remove it. Your knees shook and begged to collapse but you forced yourself to stand, to try and fight it. You wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of unmasking Nightmare.

“Please stop.” You begged as you pressed your hands to your ears in a pathetic attempt to block the words. “Please!”

“Enigma. Dos. Servicial. Aventurera.” Rumlow continued. You were nearly lost, kicked to the backseat while Nightmare was the new driver. “Uno. Pesadilla.”

You let out one more cry, your hands holding either side of your head. You stared at the ground as the tears welled in your eyes. Then suddenly, it was gone.

You lifted your head as the tears fell, the last thing Y/N had to offer the scene.

“Welcome back, Nightmare.” Pierce smiled deviously.

“Good to be back.” You said confidently, flicking the tears away in annoyance. How pathetic to cry in front of everyone. “What’s the assignment?”

“Tomorrow morning, HYDRA will give the world the freedom it deserves.” He explained again. “You two will have a part to play in that, if you’re willing.”

Your hands were folded behind your back as your head was high as Pierce spoke to you. You kept your attention forward, so you didn’t see the Winter Soldier looking at you. There was a sadness in his eyes, one you would’ve attributed to your mentality switch. He recognized there were two different versions of Nightmare, one more deadly than the other. One with less restraint than the other. But he had never seen the switch happen. He definitely preferred the other version.

“Of course, Sir.” You nodded eagerly. “And until then?”

“Wipe him and start over.” He pointed to your partner.

Without a word, you turned and held a hand out for the mouth guard. With the other hand, you pushed on his chest to make him lean back in his chair.

“I know you.” He said quietly before you put the guard between his teeth. As you moved to place the mouth guard between his teeth, you caught an angry, almost spiteful, expression on your partner’s face. It was as if he was trying to get through to her, to Y/N, even though he didn’t really know her. And he was angry that he didn’t.

“Of course you do.” You nodded. It almost gave him hope. “I’m your partner.”

You moved away and went to the computer screen, first pressing the button to trigger the arm restraints. You then hit the button to begin the process. Once the machine began to whir, your feet were taking you out of the room. It was if your body wanted to run before you heard him scream, but Pierce caught you by your arm.

“I think you should stay for this.” He said, turning you around so you saw what was happening.

There were no words you could say. His screams echoed through the yellow room and you had to turn away. You closed your eyes in regret and flinched from his cries of pain, remembering the way he screamed as he fell from the train all those years ago. You normally didn’t care who cried out and what pain you caused people. Nightmare wasn’t supposed to care. But for some reason that escaped you at that moment, you didn’t want to hear his cries. Maybe it was something leftover from Y/N.

“This is sick.” You whispered to yourself in a horrifying realization.

There was a sharp pain in your head, but you did your best to ignore it. You couldn’t show anything to Pierce or Rumlow. They’d only make it worse for you. You could feel your systems trying to correct the switch, trying to rebalance your head to center Y/N at the controls. But Y/N would only get killed if she showed up now so you forced her back.

“What was that?” Pierce asked.

“Should do the trick.” You replied tensely. “I’ve never seen it done before… I don’t think I like how it sounds. How he sounds…”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“No.” You shook your head. “I don’t think I will.”

“Tomorrow morning.” He patted your back. “Both of you.”

“Yessir.”

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