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rootbeerworshiper · 1 month

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anti-social

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summery: what matt was really doing instead of attending tara yummys party

warnings: smut!!! um car sex, p in v, thigh riding, dom!matt, not proofread

a/n: kinda ditched u guys for a week hopefully this makes up for it ily

love, sienna <3

parties were not your scene in any capacity.

it’s not like you’re overly introverted, but the pure chaos that comes with parties was never something that spoke to you—and oh my god getting hit on by a bunch of gross men added to your discernment towards the large, alcohol fuelled events.

this all being said, you’re also an influencer in LA and that comes with a territory that was unfamiliar to you when you first moved to the sunny state.

it’s difficult to get your name out there in a space filled with people just like you, people hungry for any form of relevance they can gather from their peers.

for whatever reason, influencer parties were a way to get yourself out there, creating more opportunity for youtube collaborations and just overall friendships.

real friends aren’t easy to come by out here, too many people becoming easily blinded by an amount of recognition and it’s easy to become fake—especially when you see friendships as transactional.

this was your least favourite part of LA, the part that was more different than anything else you’d experienced back home.

regardless of all the cons you could continue to list for LA parties, they were needed and encouraged by your manager, so you went, more often than you’d like to.

like tonight.

a few weeks ago one of your friends in the space, Tara, invited you to her one million celebration along with her birthday party and it’s not something you could pass up, so you RSVP’d instantly.

you first interacted with the girl when a few of your fans began telling you how funny of a duo you two would be together, and she dm’d you not long after.

she was real. amongst all the fake in this city she was very much herself, and she took you under her wing as you navigated this new lifestyle which you were eternally grateful for.

the one thing you did opt out of was going in the party bus to the party, if you were going to have a fun night you needed peace and calm right before you entered the chaotic headspace.

it takes a while for you to get ready, spending special time on your makeup and hair in order to present yourself properly—plus, it’s a tara yummy party, you sort’ve have to go all out.

you finish getting completely ready, giving yourself a moment to look in the mirror— it’s safe to say you feel stupid.

sporting a small dark red lace camisole and a black leather mini skirt along with chunky black boots that cut off just below your knee is completely out of character for you but that’s not necessarily a bad thing for a night like tonight.

if you stand here too long hyper analyzing the whole outfit you’ll inevitably change into something more you, so you’re quick to throw on an oversized leather jacket and head out of your apartment.

the uber ride is short lived because of the surprising lack of traffic littering the well lit streets.

soon enough you were at the venue, the loud music pouring through the small spaces in the door frame. you sigh, taking in one last moment of silence before opening the door and engulfing yourself in the complete chaos of a tara yummy party.

if the sound wasn’t overwhelming enough, the bright lights flashing throughout the space took the cake for what caused you the most grief.

it was a conscious decision to come pretty late, the later you come the less people are gonna ask why you’re not drinking, most of them distracted by the alcohol that pools in their kale-filled stomachs.

as you walk in you look around for familiar faces but struggle to see anyone you actually know, opting to grab a soda and lean against a random wall—people watching was a skill that definitely came easy to you.

drunk people were annoying to an extent, sure, but part of you envied the care free nature of it all, and as long as they weren’t pressuring you to take shots you actually preferred it to completely sober interactions.

its hard to hear anything in this environment, screams and music fully encapsulating your body, but soon enough you hear a mumble to your left.

you immediately turn your head, detaching the drink from your lips to look at the figure who’s standing next to you.

you’re sure you’ve seen him before, but the lack of proper lighting or a name to the face leaves you lost for a real identity.

“sorry what did you say?” you yell over the music, leaning in slightly to the boy next to you, your ears now focused on whatever words may leave his mouth.

he leans in too. “is that a rootbeer?” he inquires and a smile forms on your face.

part of you was worried his only plan was to hit on you, or make fun of you for something out of your control, but the innocence of the question was endearing. “it is, it’s my favourite drink ever, i could have so many and never get sick of it”

he smiles, sipping on his drink that looks all too familiar. “mine too. how do you know tara?” he yells again.

“i met her a few months ago for a collab and we just sorta clicked, im not too good at the whole influencer thing” you laugh a little to yourself at your self deprecating humour. “what about you? you look familiar”

“i only met her a few days ago, me and my brothers do youtube and everyone wanted a collab so we’ve just been hanging out” he replies, fingernails making their way in between his lips.

“oh fun! i’m y/n by the way” you reach your hand out to shake his.

it’s hard to ignore the tension that forms from a simple handshake. “Matt” he says simply, introducing himself.

you’re hands linger for a moment longer before you remind yourself to pull away from his grasp.

his eyes take a moment to dart down at your silhouette taking in the sight of you as your own gaze focuses on your surroundings, completely oblivious to the way Matt’s licking his lips—he can’t think about anything else but you.

the random girl he saw standing alone at a party filled with annoying people holding up camera, holding his favourite drink. “so are you from here?” he says, breaking open the tension.

you let out a small sigh of relief, it was always easier for you to talk to people that carried the conversation, especially when they look as good as he does. “no i just moved here a little less than a year ago?” you question momentarily to yourself. “i’m from Boston”

his eyes widen at your statement. “no way, me too” he smiles, running his ring covered hand through his hair.

it’s impossible not to stare at least a little bit, his fingers could genuinely put you in a trance—how good you’re sure he is with them, how much of your throat they could cover-

you can’t get ahead of yourself, these are thoughts you need to keep in the comfort of your own home.

“do you wanna give me your number? maybe we could continue this conversation when we can actually hear each other?” you ask, a sudden boldness coursing through your veins.

“sure id like that” he reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone, but before he can even hand it to you a familiar hand is dragging you into the crowd.

“you need to loosen up y/n its a tara yummy party cmonnnn” tara groans, fully encapsulating you in dancing bodies before you can even look back at Matt.

you shake it off, forgetting about the cute boy and refocusing on not looking like an idiot in front of so many people.

dancing is definitely a lot easier when you realize no one cares what you’re doing, and when you like the song that’s playing.

so you let loose as tara suggested, arms swaying in the air while you grin looking at your friend, your hands taking turns groping your sides as your hips move to the rhythm of the music.

for once you feel confident, hot even.

not a care in the world because it’s just you—and the brunette boy who’s leaned against a wall with his arms crossed, entranced in your dancing without your knowledge.

you’re actually having fun, singing along to numerous songs on the dance floor alongside influencers who are all wasted out of their minds.

for a moment, through the loud music and the abundance of shining lights you feel a hand place itself on your lower back with a sense of firmness that made you shutter.

before you can even fully turn around, you establish that it’s Matt’s hand based on the way he leans into your neck, speaking in your ear. “back doors in 5” he walks away, his fingers lingering on your bare back longer than you knew what to do with.

what changed?

Matt was a cute nervous guy who loves rootbeer and now he’s whispering your ears and turning you on without even looking at you.

you watch him walk away, joining the mess of a crowd and getting completely lost out of your sight.

5 minutes.

you just have to act completely normal for five more minutes and then your casually meeting up with some guy you just met.

this kinda thing usually fills your stomach with anxiety and fear of the unknown, but right now? you’re more excited than you’ve ever been.

thoughts of Matt flooded your brain and soon enough the five minutes were up, it’s safe to say you walked through the crowd a little faster than normal, eager to see what the boy had in store.

after what feels like forever you get to the back door, the brunette no where to be seen.

you feel like an idiot, getting your hopes up for some youtuber who probably just had fun messing with your innocence, toying with it like a fucking slinky.

after what you consider to be a desperate amount of waiting at the door you give up, the last thing you are is a lost puppy awaiting its owner’s arrival.

you let out a small sigh of disappointment, trying to ignore the lump in your throat that forms as you make your way back into the crowd.

before you get far, you bump into someone who’s practically running through the open space cluttered with people dancing, a light sting entering your shoulder. “what the fuck is your problem?” you say, a little more pissed off after you got stranded.

this is until you make eye contact with the body you collided with, a familiar set of blue eyes looking down at you. “i’m sorry i was coming i swear but Chris needed me for something and-“

“you’re okay, i just thought you left me” you smile grabbing his shoulders to stabilize his rapid thoughts that are clearly over taking him.

he lets out a breath of air, smiling back at you but still licking his lips with a sense of hunger that made you melt beneath his gaze.

“let’s go, yeah?” he places his hand in your own and begins to lead you out of the venue. in all actuality you shouldn’t be leaving with him, but he’s hot and he’s kind and the way his voice puts you in a trance has you needing him in ways unfathomable.

it’s a short walk to outside but you immediately feel better with the fresh air entering your lungs, your chest expanding the moment you leave the sweaty party space.

Matt seemed to feel the same relief, you can also see him a lot better now, the street lights illuminating his face making you realize just how attractive he is.

you weren’t even entirely sure what his plans were, but being anywhere but that party was all you needed. “i hate parties so much” you say, beginning to walk along the sidewalk, most likely walking to his car parked somewhere on the street.

“me too, my brothers are always convincing me to go to them but it’s actually my worst nightmare” he replies, hands placed in his pockets as you walk.

“how many brothers do you have?” you ask.

he smiles, as if the mere thought of his family was enough to bring him joy. “i have three but i’m a triplet actually”

“no way!” you grab ahold of his shoulder, an excited habit of yours that you haven’t been able to kick. “that’s so fun i wish”

he presses the key fob latched onto his jeans by a clip and you see an suv unlock ahead of you as you walk, its lights brightening up the space around the vehicle.

you open the door to the passenger seat, the boy walking around to enter the driver seat. “do you have anywhere you wanna go?” he asks, looking at you as you buckle your seat belt.

“anywheres fine with me i just could not be at that party any more” you reply, now fully situated and earning a nod from Matt.

it’s tight street parking and it definitely will not be easy for him to pull out, but he turns on music, mac miller now playing softly through the speaker as he reaches his arm back behind your seat to back out.

you try to focus on anything else, but the way his hand grips the gear causing his veins to become more defined has you shifting in your seat, subconsciously trying to relieve the tension forming between your legs. “i like your rings” you say shyly, failing to mention the ways you want to feel the cold metal inside of you.

“yeah?” what you don’t know is the way his pants are straining from the sight of your plush thighs squeezing together on his leather seats, how badly he wants to be in between them. “i like em too”

you cough, trying to mask the way his words made you feel. “how come you don’t like parties?”

he checks over his shoulder, changing lanes before turning into a park parking lot. “i’m a little anti social when it comes to that kinda stuff”

“just social with me then?” you ask, hoping to keep this conversation going in the right direction.

he scoffs with a smile on his face, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning back into his seat, spreading his legs slightly as he makes himself comfortable. “yeah just you”

it’s silent for a second, you let different responses to matt’s words linger in your head before finally speaking, your own seat belt now unbuckled as well. “what made me so approachable?” you lean into him slightly, placing your elbow on the centre console and holding your chin up by your hand.

he holds your eye contact, leaning in slightly closer. “well at first it was your smile” he lifts his hand to trace along your jaw, you immediately swallow the lump in your throat.

“then it was how you look in that skirt” his hand makes its way to your hair, fingers grazing your scalp as he mumbles.

“and then” he leans in now, lips aligned with your ear. “it was the way your hands traced over your own body, how desperately you wanted me to see you like that, how desperately i wanted those hands to be mine” his left hand grazes over your bare leg, lightly swaying it back and forth causing you to shiver.

he doesn’t break eye contact once. “Matt please” you beg, not specifying what it is that you need from him.

“what do you want?” his lips make contact with your neck, placing soft kisses along every sensitive spot. you bite your lip to drown out any pathetic whimpers that threaten to leave your mouth, the sensation of the neck kisses alone have you soaked.

you breath pretty heavily, focused on the way his cold rings threaten to make their way to your inner thighs as he speaks. “i want-“ his thumb places a teasing pressure to your clothed aching clit. “i want those hands to be yours”

“there you go, wasn’t so hard was it?” he teases, your legs spreading apart subconsciously, your core begging to be touched.

but he continues his slow movements, his mouth now working its way to your bare collarbone, your back arching into his delicate touch.

before his lips can make their way to you chest you stop him, your finger interfering with his actions, guiding his face up to yours. “kiss me please” you whisper, begging for a sense of intimacy and innocence.

he smiles, breaking his tough guy persona slightly as he leans in to meet his lips to yours. somehow, although you were strangers a mere hour ago, it feels comfortable.

the comfort switches to passion quickly, his hand squeezing your thigh as your tongue slides into his mouth.

it’s short lived before he’s leaning out of the kiss and moving his seat back in one motion, legs spread with room for you on top. he motions for you to come over but for whatever reason your mentally stuck in your seat, frozen in fear at the realization of what’s happening.

“don’t act all shy now baby c’mere” his hands place a light pressure to the sides of your hips guiding you over the console and onto his thigh.

you look down at him, smiling like a goof because you’re on top of a hot boy in a parking lot. “hi”

your arms find solitude on his shoulder to balance yourself, his hands still on your hips as his thigh bone has you weak on top of him.

he keeps one hand on your lower back, the other reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, fully taking in the sight above him. “you’re so beautiful”

your eyes widen at the sentence, taking compliments was never easy for you especially not in this setting. “okay stop” you push him slightly, breaking eye contact to avoid getting flustered.

he turns your chin forcing you to look at him again, leaning into your face. “you are beautiful” he kisses you before you can even deny it. his fingers are quick to toy with the hem of your small shirt, the same shirt that had his mouth watering earlier—the same shirt your delicate fingers ran over as you danced.

“lift” he mumbles, causing you to lift up your arms without a second thought, completely forgetting that you made the decision to not wear a bra tonight.

the look in his eyes is one of pure hunger, your chest displayed right in his eye-line, it takes everything in him to fight back a small moan from the sight alone.

he places a few more teasing kisses along your collarbone while his hands make small circles on your exposed chest. “are you gonna use me to get yourself off pretty girl?” he asks, now taking on hand to guide your hips, rocking them on his thigh with a smirk on his face.

you just nod, too embarrassed to say the words out loud and his mouth immediately makes contact with your left nipple, using the tip of his tongue to lap around the bud. without further hesitation you begin to grind your hips into his leg, his hands now pulling up your skirt lightly to allow more movement.

the consistent pressure of his upper thigh on your clothed clit has you hiding your face in the crook of his neck, not wanting him to see your face as it’s riddled with looks of pleasure.

his hand continues to guide your hips onto him, your fingers interlaced in his hair as let you out muffled moans into his neck. his lips can’t help but form a smirk as the pace of your hips increases, the pleasure building in your stomach at the continues sensation. “such a fucking slut for me, getting off on some strangers thigh” he mumbles, his hands grabbing your ass, squeezing it under the skirt.

you squeeze your legs around his thigh, body chasing more pressure as the pleasure continues to roll through your hips. at this point your a moaning mess, as embarrassed as you are you physically can’t hold back. “mmh fuck matt”

the whiny words leaving your mouth have an effect on his that he wasn’t expecting, his length only increasing at the sound of your noises. he shifts you up slightly, selfishly placing your clothed core on his own center, the buldge giving you something to grind on. “fuck just like that there you go”

he fights back his own moans, still using his hands to force you closer on to him, your pace going faster as a familiar throbbing in your clit signals your closeness. “i’m-“ you let out yet another moan. “close”

Matt lifts his hips slightly, his bulge hitting you exactly where you needed, your legs squeezing around him as you reach you high, his hands not stopping the motion once as your fingers pull on his hair. “okay okay” you sigh, out of breath and exhausted.

you kiss him again, it’s safe to say you’re addicted to it and he definitely does not mind, what he doesn’t expect though is your hand that cups his bulge mid kiss, causing his open to open slightly, unable to kiss you back at the sensation of your hand on him. “fuck don’t tease me baby”

you giggle slightly at how easily you were able to make him fold. “you gonna ride me or what?”

you don’t even answer, instead your lips find comfort in kissing his neck while his hands make their way back to your chest, your nipples completely hardened above him, his hot breath making you squirm under his closeness.

he takes his shirt off and you can’t help but stare for a moment, the vast amount of tattoos are a turn on you didn’t know applied to you. “stop staring and do something” he demands, causing you to unbutton his pants and slide the down slightly, just enough to spring his length free.

you waste no time spreading the pre cum on his tip causing him to shutter slightly. “cmon baby you know what to do”

deep down you know you could give in, you know you could immediately sink onto him and give him what he wants—but that’s no fun.

so instead you time your time, running his tip along your underwear so that you can still receive a small amount of pleasure from your teasing, licking a stripe along his jaw.

what you weren’t expecting was Matt’s hand interfering, sliding your underwear to the side and immediately inserting himself into your center, thrusting upwards without giving you a chance to adjust. “if you’re gonna act like a brat you’re gonna get fucked like one”

you can even mumble out a reply, the feeling of his length hitting your g-spot repeatedly at a speed you have yet to experience has you practically biting his shoulder, squeezing onto his sides as his pace doesn’t let once.

the sight of your tits bouncing up and down with every thrust is enough to make Matt crazy, and the combination of your moans, he could be here like this forever—but he can’t because the way you rolled your hips on his clothed dick already almost made him cum, and him inside of you? he won’t last.

you’re close too but still unable to speak coherent sentences, Matt’s hand sliding down in between your bodies to play with you clit while his thrusts continue.

you are fucked out of your mind to say the very least, eyes rolled back, toes circling, just gone.

lifting your head, you make eye contact with him, the sight of his face that’s currently lost in pleasure is enough to send you over the edge, his fingers still gliding along your puffy clit as he fills you up.

this time he’s the one leaning in for a kiss. “you’re amazing” he mumbles, fully encapsulating your lips with his own once more.

it’s peaceful like this for a moment, soft kisses being shared back and forth, music still playing through the speakers—this is until you hear a phone ring.

Matt’s getting a facetime call. “fuck” he mutters, reaching for his phone to see his brothers contact photo. “just be quiet please?” you nod, smiling slightly.

he answers the call for a quick moment, a camera on the other end pointing at his face temporarily. he simply assures his brothers that he’ll be back to pick them up and he hangs up as soon as possible. “sorry” he leans into your neck, kissing softly.

you just laugh in return. “it’s okay we did kinda ditch everyone”

“i’d do it again in a heart beat” he smiles into you, completely let go of his intense demeanour from earlier.

you trace small lines on his chest, his hands laying softly on your sides. “i still need your number” you mumble, biting your lip as you look at the boy.

“you think?” he teases, grabbing his phone and going to the phone app.

“fuck off Matt”

a/n: i cannot end fics for the life of me and im too lazy to proofread this! @luv4kozume respectfully it’s time for you to write❤️

taglist: @lolasnoww-blog @tastesousweet @ivypoison @disturbedwoodelf @sturnswift @junnniiieee07 @ellie-luvsfics @sturnified @s7urnfilms @madsdogst @justlivinglive @sluttycupsworld @flowerxbunnie @mbsbaby @sturniolossmut @lustfulslxt @69isabella69 @dracoflaco @mattslatinagf @raekensluver @worldlxvlys @lacysturniolo @greatooglymooglyyy @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic

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soaringwide · 29 days

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PAC: Love reading - In what way are you self-sabotaging this relationship and how can you change course?

Today I wanted to do a Pick a Card love reading and focus on the ways you are self-sabotaging a specific romantic relationship, with a second part focusing on how to change course.

The idea is that sometimes we get in our own way and we can't see the pattern. The whole point of this reading is to realize what it is you're doing that is blocking yourself and how to better act in order to improve this relationship.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: IV of Pentacles + Dreams + Erotic Bliss + 9 of Pentacles Rx; Strength + Resentments + Loving Yourself + X of Cups Rx; X of Swords + Renewal Rx + Unrequited Love Rx + V of Wands Rx

Your pile has intense erotic feelings, perhaps even dreams, about this person, but reality doesn't match the height and perfection of your desire, in the sense that it exists mostly in your head. It makes you feel diminished and lacking and you retreat within yourself, shielding yourself behind your walls. You may be holding onto your sensual daydreams and enjoying them in private and you may find some bliss that way, but it is also very frustrating. Regardless there is a big sexual blockage here that's stopping you from expressing your desire towards your person, and it seems a big part of it stems from your own relationship with your body and sensuality.

You feel unsatisfied emotionally as well, but I think this stems from the fact that you are lacking in the self-love department. You rely too much on external validation for your sense of self-love and when you don't get that gratification, you feel rejected which leads to resentments. Again there's the imagery of building a wall around you, this time covered in barbels. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, keeping bottled up emotions surrounding rejection hidden within.

This is shown in the next message as well. You have this deep rooted fear of being stuck in an unrequited love, of being rejected and humiliated. I have this image in mind of a boat filling up with water and you keep trying to empty it but there's a hole and it keeps filling up at the same rate. There is no renewal (healing of yourself) possible because you're not fixing the hole and it keeps you in misery, in a state of constant struggle. There is also a component of comparing yourself to others and assuming you're not good enough for your person.

How to change course?

Cards: Knight of Swords + Forgive; 2 of Cups + Fear Rx; The Moon + Relieved Rx; Magic

I think part of you reaaaaally wants this relationship with your person but you're not accepting it. You need to understand that you're doing nothing wrong, that it is not shameful, it is normal and natural, beautiful and human even. You may be feeling guilty about this situation because you FEEL you're doing something wrong, and you really need to forgive yourself. Try to focus on the beauty of it instead.

You also need to get over your fear of intimacy. I see the two figures of the two of cups approaching each other mutually. It's a beautiful and sweet card, it's a card of union and happiness, and you know that's what you want, but you're so scared of it that you won't let it happen.

The overall message is to examine your subconscious for biases and shadows, in particular when it comes to fear of intimacy and sexual shame, so that you can relieve that pressure and come forward in love. Perhaps for some of you it stems from a lack of experience, so you might want to educated yourself from trusted sources to help you get a healthier and more balanced picture in your mind. But overall nothing will beat learning yourself, but you got to make way to learn without judgement and shame.

Desire is a beautiful power of nature. It is magical. It is yours. Stop underestimating or undermining it, or thinking it is not yours to have because it's not true. I'm getting that for some of you it might be stemming from religious trauma and shame regarding sex, so you might want to look into that as well in order to heal.

PILE 2

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: 6 of Cups Rx + Sorrow Rx; Page of Swords Rx + Fear of Abundance + Change; 8 of Swords Rx + Intuition Rx + Page of Cups Rx + Relieved Rx

The way you are self-sabotaging is, first, by not being able to let go of past pain surrounding love and to cling onto the past. Perhaps you are nostalgic for sweet memories that are long gone, something that felt pure and simple and that you feel you may never find again.

I feel that you somewhat lost your sense of adventure. You overthink about your past loss and make the false logical conclusion that you'll never receive anything good in matters of love, or that no change is possible. You are stuck in a negative, overly defensive intellectual stance which became like some type of reflex you have a hard time detaching from to progress on your journey.

It's similar on the emotional side since you seem to be over protective of your old feelings. Like, the past seemed so great you feel like nothing will ever compare. You can't seem to release and accept that something new and beautiful in a different way may arise. Which means you have a hard time opening yourself to new messages of love. The curiosity is buried under a pile of fear.

On that note, you are not listening to your intuition at all because it is so polluted by your negative spiraling thoughts. You feel disarmed but you don't see that you have everything that you need to break free. To be more precise, you know yourself, you know what you've been through, but you get lost in the maze of your own mind. And if we add the blocked feelings you hold onto, I see that the problem you have is not so much about external things but rather, the way you deal with your thoughts and emotions.

How to change course?

Cards: The Emperor Rx + Nurture Rx; King of Cups Rx + Your are Deserving Rx; The Lovers + Creativity Rx; 3 of Wands Rx + Anxiety + Manic; The Lover (oracle)

Interestingly, you got a lot of swords in the struggle part but none in the advice part, which makes me thing that the first things you need to do is get out of your head a bit.

With the Emperor, there is this idea that you need to become a good ruler to yourself. Right now you are some type of old tyran that keeps talking about the old times without caring for the present. You need to nurture your present needs, be kind and empathetic with yourself and take the action needed for your own good. How would you feel if someone treated you the way you are treating yourself?

With the King of Cups, there is an extra-emphasis on the realm of emotions. I think that part of why you emotionally stay stuck in the past is that you lack self-worth making you feel undeserving of love.

The Lovers popped up but I think it talks about yourself, about how you need to merge the gap within your own heart. It may seem like a convoluted and difficult task that requires skills and experience, but really, you just need to come forward as you are and communicate where you are at. Be true, be metaphorically naked in front of the other and let them see you for who you are.

Lastly, you are being warned about where you're putting your mental energy. It's like as I said, part of you is stuck in the past, but the part of you that focuses on the future is looking at it wrong. You're feeding it with distorted information, and this creates a storm of anxiety and erratic thoughts that keeps on escalating with no end in sight.

Last advice you got the Lover again (oracle deck) with the sentence ''it is safe to surrender to the good feelings''. So to wrap up with what i was writing earlier, rather than follow your fears and regrets, the best course of action is to follow your bliss! Feed your mind and heart with sweet things to create the change you're wishing for.

PILE 3

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: Ace of Swords Rx + Unknowing + Shame Rx; Empress Rx + Courage Rx; 8 of Swords Rx + Intrusive Thoughts; Page of Wands Rx + Bottled up + Manic Rx

There are some areas of uncertainty in this relationship that makes you feel confused about the situation. It's taking your power away a bit and makes you feel like you don't know what to think or how to act. But I think some of this has to do with a lack of communication that makes you think that this situation is unexplainable where it could actually be if you stepped out of that stance. I feel like you would feel ashamed to bring some subjects up but it's a faulty reasoning.

You lack the courage to express your needs and boundaries, to speak up about what would make you happy and fulfilled. I think you know clearly what you want and what you need but you're just not defending that and you're letting yourself get treated differently than you would need.

I think it makes you feel powerless, like you have no control of the situation, but you don't see that it's the result of a very deeply ingrained pattern of thinking that you can totally untangle if you put in the work.

Lastly, I think this lack of being able to stand up for your needs is leading to a lot of frustration and bottled up feelings that may result in outbursts of anger or fights that may look a bit erratic from another perspective. You might have a tendency to jump to conclusion when it's not what you need in the moment.

How to change course?

Cards: 10 of Swords + Creativity Rx + Wounded Heart; 4 of Swords Rx + Love; 5 of Cups + Trauma Rx; Page of Cups + Anxiety Rx + Forgive Rx

I think a big message is to air out your worries, talk about them or express them in one way or another so they can get resolved. You might even benefit from therapeutic art making I'm getting. But yeah you've got a lot of pain to process and you need to start working on that if you haven't already, and you might want to reach out for help in order to speed up the process.

Love can and will play a part in your healing journey, but you shouldn't have to hide you you are in order to live this love. Find those who inspire you to blossom in order to grow together and heal each other in an act of reciprocity. You need to learn to be authentic and not hide because you are scared you are going to be judged for something that is not your fault. Pay close attention to how someone makes you feel after you left them. Do you feel at peace or at war? Learn to listen to that feeling and you'll be guided towards what you need.

PILE 4

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: The Chariot Rx + Wish Fulfilled + The Protectress Rx; The Empress + Hope + 2 of Pentacles Rx + Energy; Judgement + Shame + 5 of Cups Rx + 8 of Swords

The first message is that you are extremely eager to see your wish fulfilled in exactly the way you want, not allowing things to run their natural course. In that situation, the desire to be in full control is not the way to go about it. It seems that this situation is winding path full of detours, and you try too hard to rectify the trajectory instead of going along the ride. The reason for this is that you're trying to protect yourself because you're scared of the pain inflicted by disappointed love, or love that has no place to go, but you don't see that this over-protective behavior is the very thing that inflicts you pain.

The second message talks about depletion, about an imbalance within yourself that stops you from standing in the full power of the Empress, who embodies grace, abundance and safety. The oracle card ''Hope'' is quite signification here, as it shows a hand crossing fingers to make a wish, illuminated by rays of light. I think that the very thing you're not allowing in your garden is hope. If we link that to the previous message, it's your lack of hope that make you frantically try to do things in a specific way, because you will like if you don't act NOW you will lose everything, because you lack faith that you will get this love in your own time. I don't think this hope is totally dead though otherwise you would have given up, but you don't let it blossom enough, you're stepping all over it in your awkward dance to juggle too many things at once.

The third message talks about your struggle to overcome your own limiting patterns and beliefs. I think you've been through past losses and defeats regarding love and you feel somewhat cursed regarding that area of your life. Like things are never going to get better and you're doomed to be alone forever. You feel really ashamed about this situation, thinking there must be something wrong with you. The card shows a hand floating in the emptiness, with an open eye crying. It's like, you have so much to give but in so much pain that all that flows are tears. You feel isolated and powerless and you direct that towards yourself. You feel like you're unable to see or act and that creates immense tension within yourself because you want to break free, but you're doing it wrong by resisting this transformation that needs to happen within yourself first and foremost.

How to change course?

Cards: Temperance + Reflection + Optimism Rx + Space, time and self; Ace of Swords + Anger Rx + Slow Down + 4 of Swords Rx + The Servant Queen; Yin and Yang; 10 of Wands + Knight of Cups

I think you would benefit from being more patient and let things flow more. Let things progress gradually. There is this idea that you are guided towards what you need and you need to learn to listen to this guidance more. Spend time thinking about what it means to you and develop that, find that inner balance and harmony, that gentle optimism. Things will grow in due time.

You have a tendency to be restless and this is exhausting you. So I see that one big thing you need to do as well is being mindful of your energy levels and take time to rest, cool and slow down. The clarity you need will happen naturally once the clouds have parted and you're in a better headspace. Right now you're just going round and round making dust, let it settle.

You are worthy of love, of receiving beautiful things, you need to understand and believe that. Especially when we saw that the patterns and beliefs that were holding you back where rooted in those past losses, you really need to heal that, not just for this love connection, but for your own well-being.

Really there's a strong overarching message that you need to trust your guidance more, to switch from an erratically active mindset to a more receptive and flowy one. The goal is to balance both energies, not to be one or the other exclusively.

Once you unburdened yourself, you'll be able to express and let your feelings flow without restrain. I think that's the goal for you and what you're not able to do at the moment. But I was shown what comes before that because you can't run into this with the mindset you currently have. You really need to shift it before you can embody the Knight of Cups.

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #love tarot reading #love pick a card #love pick a pile #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot

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haastera-001 · 7 months

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There are quite a few ways UZI's partially repaired ship could become relevant.

If Tessa is an enemy to the main cast it's relevancy is pretty straightforward as the only way UZI can get off world.

If Tessa is an ally to the main cast N, V, and J's old ship's relevance to the plot requires more explaining. Perhaps Tessa's ships are destroyed or hijacked by some resurrected Murder drones under CYN, leaving UZI's modified ship as the protagonist's one way off the broken world.

Regardless, its eventual relevancy to the plot is highly probable as it's deliberately shown to be progressively more repaired in the background.

#murder drones #murder drones details #murder drones theory

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constantlymisspelled · 8 months

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3 - Adoption Law as it currently stands

[Text in image is as below]

i) The Legal Definition of Foundling;

a) A foundling by definition is a child or young person who’s either cannot be located, are not safe to return to, are deceased, have lost parental rights, or is otherwise an orphan. b) A foundling can only be adopted when all possible kin are declared unfit or show no interest in raising said child. c) If another member of the child’s family claims to be acting as guardian, but does not meet Galactic or Mandalorian Parent Guardian Standards, the Child will be available for adoption.

ii) Foundling Procedure;

a) When a Foundling is discovered, they are to be taken first to the Clan Armourer to ascertain their fit with the clan. b) If a Foundling has been found by a Mandalorian who is unable to legally act as a parent, they can place the Foundling in Clan Care. c) After the Goran has seen to the child, they are to go through appropriate medical and legal clearance in order to create a medical profile and procure the best form of education for the child in question.

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iii) Disownment of Parent;

a) A child – adopted, biological, or otherwise – can disown a parent at any age. b) Disowning a parent requires witness from either a Goran, a Journeyman Protector, or a Clan Alor of relevant standing. c) Disowning a parent can be for a variety of reasons, such as abuse, negligence, the parent being declared Dar’manda, or for differences in views and values. For example, if the parent attempts to force the child into a marriage, into a specific political leaning or agenda, or to lay down their armour, arms or give up their religion. d) Disownment of a parent cannot occur due to criminal action on behalf of the child. For example, a child can not steal from a dependent member of their clan, and disown their parent to escape criminal responsibility.

iv) Community Adoption;

a) In the case of a foundling or adoptee who cannot accept a parent for psychological reasons, or refuses to accept new parents upon the deceased, or lost previous parents, a communal adoption can be made. b) Communal adoptions can include

[Text in image is as below]

v) Adoption regarding criminal activities

a) In the event of a parent being under arrest, or having been charged and incarcerated. b) In the event of a child who has previously been convicted of a crime c) In the event of a parent have been previously incarcerated, charged, or suspected of a crime.

vi) Adoption regarding marital conditions;

a) Adoption of a partner’s children can be confirmed before a marriage is settled upon. b) When a married Mandalorian wishes to adopt a child, their partners, as long as there is no Separation filed, will be automatically upgraded to at least guardianship status. c) Children from previous marriages, if the Mando’ade in question is adopting more, will be considered equally as much the Mando’ade’s children. d) Marrying a non-Mandalorian who has children can automatically qualify their children for a full Mandalorian education, regardless of whether or not their parent swears the resol’nare.

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vii) Adoption Consent;

a) If the child is over the standard age of thirteen, or verdgoten equivalent of their species, a verbal, written, or recorded consent must be filed for their adoption to be recognised. In the case of illiterate, non-verbal, or non-seeing Mando’ade, a Goran can be contacted to make the official note of the adoption, and becomes signatory for both parties. This Goran then must be contacted if the child decides to disown a parent, or acknowledge another parent. If the Goran in question is deceased, or declared Dar’manda, another Goran, or even a Journeyman Protector can be used in clause. b) A child cannot be re-adopted by a disowned parent once that parent has been declared as disowned. c) A child must be awake at the time of adoption, even for those below the age of consent, and must not be under the effects of mind-altering substances, reactionary drugs, or Force Related Suppressants.

[As always, any thoughts, comments or criticism is welcome. As you know, this is the draft!!]

[Back to main Codex]

#mandalorian culture #true mandalorians #jaster mereel #mandalorians #mandalorian law #haat mando’ade #haat'mando'ade #Jaster Mereel's 70k long legal document that changed the galaxy #supercommando codex #mandalorian code #mandalorian language #mandalorian lore #mandalorian adoption

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chaifootsteps · 6 months

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Just wanted to say to the anon who asked about me and why Viv picked on me when I seem like a literal who?? - I am a literal who. On my old accounts, I only ever got up to about 600 followers right before I deleted them, that was on Twitter and anything else was less than that. I have caught back up in a much shorter amount of time and finally surpassed that, but only by like 20 followers. I am not a big artist. My webcomic still gets the occasional subscriber since ending, and it's only at 220 subscribers. I am so proud that anybody looks at and likes my work, it makes me genuinely happy that somebody does regardless of the number of somebodies, but on a grander scale I'm not anybody relevant. She used to pick on people who had the smallest inkling of a following, and I think that's what annoys me the most about the situation, is the huge power imbalance. She only ever picks fights when she feels she has more power on her side. In the grand scheme of things, I should be a nobody to her, and she chose to send her friends to bully me and so many other people that would have been so much better off if she'd never injected herself into their lives. She chose to bring cruelty to people, and she gets mad when those people speak out about her choice.

And thank you, Chai, for posting my entire response ;v; I feel like a lot of it is important, I didn't mean for it to be as long as it was but there's a lot to unpack there. It's really ironic-hilarious in hindsight that Viv's sister referred to her cyberbullying and how destructive her cult is as "Mammon mentality" and now that's what her crew compare her to.

Thank you for talking about this!

It's true, you never see her go for the people with the big followings, the ones capable of hitting back. It's disgusting.

#kedikatzen #vivziepop #vivziepop critical #actual blog post

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messenger-of-stupidity · 11 months

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I saw content about shipping Caelum, so I'm going on a tangent rant.

I know the chances of me saying anything and changing the idiotic minds are extremely low, but I can't keep my mouth shut.

Erik has all rights to his characters as he's the original creator. All rights belong to him. We as a fandom are *extremely* lucky that we're able to consume the content he produces for free. We already know that what we say can affect the content (i.e. Bright Eyes and Fred.) And that includes disregarding what he says and by extension, disrespecting him.

He has explicitly stated that we *SHOULD NOT* ship Caelum in a romantic capacity. Regardless of biological age, he has the mentality of a child.

If you want to argue that he's probably close or over David's age of 30 or whatever... I'll bring in legal law. And I'll supreme court-ify it. (Sorry non-americans)

Let's look at the 8th amendment. No cruel or unusual punishment. The death penalty falls under this. There have been several cases about the death penalty. Simmons v Rover decided legal minors could not receive the death penalty. Another case in the state of Louisiana decided those who were deemed mentally incompetent for whatever reason also couldn't receive the death penalty. This Louisiana case was looked at when the judges made their decision on the legal minors death penalty ban. They deemed that minors were under that mental incompetence.

Returning to Caelum. One of the rules for the mental competence is whether or not they are fully aware of the situation and are able to make an official decision to participate. Given as Caelum has been explicitly stated to have the mentality of like a six year old, he wouldn't have a full understanding of romantic relationships. Six year olds also can't consent. So he wouldn't be able to agree to being in a relationship.

Now that brings up a lot of points with consent also thrown in the pot.

If you want to try to argue that Caelum is aware...

The daemon can't pronounce some simple words. He isn't aware. He may "feel" the emotions that come off of Freelancer when spending time with Gavin, but his main focus is on their happiness since that's what he feeds on. He doesn't have that full understanding of romantic love. He feels a platonic love for people, but even I think it's limited. (That's a whole other story and not relevant)

Tldr; Caelum can't understand or consent to romantic interactions, Erik owns his content and therefore decides what's allowed and what's not allowed thanks to copyright, he told us not to ship Caelum or involve Caelum in any explicit sexual interactions, Caelum is canonically considered a CHILD. Don't. Ship. Caelum.

Please ignore any typos or grammatical errors it's 1 am and I'm fucking tired and hungover.

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted audio #redacted caelum #redacted freelancer #redacted gavin #redacted damn #redacted damn squad #messy rambles

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booksandwitchery · 1 year

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Revering Nature

Throughout my search for science-based pagan books to help me on this path of mine, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer kept popping up--so I finally read it.

I would recommend it to most people, especially those who feel a special connection to the natural world but don't exactly know why. I can see this book offending a lot of people on the right side of the political spectrum, but if you fall into that category I'm betting you found this blog in an accidental or ironic sense anyway.

Ultimately this book is all about reverence for the natural world and the importance of maintaining a spirit of respect, reciprocity and responsibility for the gifts given to us by nature. It makes a strong case for maintaining balance, which is a) weaved throughout pagan religions, b) arguably foundational to them all, and thus c) deeply relevant to my studies. Kimmerer also explains the importance of ritual and ceremony to human beings, regardless of our beliefs (or lack thereof.)

Bits of wisdom I marked down from this important book (just in case this isn't clear, everything inside quotation marks is taken directly from the book) separated by theme:

I. Exploitation of Natural Resources

Kimmerer disapproves of the belief that the natural world is human property to be produced and sold: "The commodification of the natural world is just a popular story told by humans. Strawberries belong to themselves."

II. Indigenous Wisdom & Animism

Thirty percent of English words are verbs, but in many indigenous American tribes this proportion is as much as seventy percent (as with the Potawatomi tribe). The language does not divide between masculine and feminine, but rather between animate and non-animate. We can learn from Potawatomi and other indigenous "ways of knowing" because even their very language acts as "a mirror for seeing the animacy of the world," and honors the universe as "a communion of subjects."

III. The Power of Balance

The author stresses the need to maintain balance with nature and life in general: "Balance is not a passive resting place--it takes work, balancing the giving and taking, the raking out and the putting in." Kimmerer suggests that we should temper our desires with self-discipline, which "builds resistance against the insidious germ of taking too much."

IV. Capitalism and the Death of Contentment

Kimmerer comments on consumer society's tendency to see contentment as a "radicalist proposition" and capitalism's dependence on the creation of unmet desires. This reminded me of The Door to Witchcraft by Tonya Brown, when she writes that we should try our best to have an abundance mentality rather than one of scarcity. We should take from nature only what we need, and give back whenever we can.

V. Importance of Ritual and Ceremony

Kimmerer beautifully explains humans' innate need for ritual and ceremony: "Ceremony focuses attention so that attention becomes intention. . .ceremonies transcend the boundaries of the individual and resonate beyond the human realm. These acts of reverence are powerfully pragmatic." This is deeply reminiscent of my post last year on the psychological benefits of ritual ceremony. This affirmed my belief of why these behaviors are ubiquitous despite all varying forms of thought and belief.

VII. Pessimism in the Environmentalist Community

Regarding the fatalist attitude that has crept into many environmentalist conversations: "Environmentalism becomes synonymous with dire predictions and powerless feelings. Despair is paralysis. It robs us of agency. It blinds us to our own power and the power of the earth."

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cemeterything · 1 year

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Re the laces thing: yeah ur good fam, to he fair to that other person there IS still a lot of heavy debate over how relevant lace code is these days/whether it's been fully reclaimed yet or not, and many ppl (jewish folks in particular) are still understandably v uncomfy with/wary of the red laces thing even if it's only being used for fashion, but i looked at the photo in question outta curiosity and given that you A) did red AND blue instead of just red B) have funky lil bat things on there obscuring part of the laces anyway and emphasizing the fashion aspect and C) didnt ladder lace the boots (which is another BIG component of whether red laces are a hate symbol or not), im pretty sure you're good in this instance.

yeah, it's a tricky subject; i wasn't aware that it still made some people uncomfortable regardless of context due to past associations but i can definitely see why. thanks for your perspective, i really appreciate it.

#still gonna keep my boots but good to know for being thoughtful and aware reasons

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thevegasystem · 6 months

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please read

tw syscourse, grooming, and cults we went through all of those sources provided in that thread sent to us yesterday, and we wanted to follow up. this will be a long post, but regardless of if you are a traumagenic system or an endogenic system, we believe you can find some benefit from hearing us out. let's start by listing our takeaway's (again, based on the sources provided to us)...

plurality exists beyond did/osdd (with udd only being implied by relevance).

hypnosis/hypnotic states (specifically through hypnosis and mediumship) are possibly responsible for this divide between aversive plurality (often dubbed traumagenic, but not stated as such in the source materials) and non-aversive plurality (often dubbed as endogenic, but also not stated as such in the source materials), as argued by Dr. Nijenhuis (looks to be a Doctor from the Netherlands) and Van Der Hart (looks to be a Professor, Psychopathology of Chronic Traumatization from Utrecht University, also from the Netherlands)

Dr. Richard Loewenstein (looks to be a Clinical Professor, graduate of Yale University School of Medicine) stated the symptoms that a relevant individual is going through presents itself similar to an individual with dissociative identity disorder, but due to lacking aversion ("distress"), does not qualify for a diagnosis

separately, the icd-11 states the following...

The presence of two or more distinct personality states does not always indicate the presence of a mental disorder. In certain circumstances (e.g., as experienced by ‘mediums’ or other culturally accepted spiritual practitioners) the presence of multiple personality states is not experienced as aversive and is not associated with impairment in functioning. A diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder should not be assigned in these cases.

however and separately, the dsm-v-tr states the following...

Dissociative amnesia, dissociative identity disorder, and depersonalization-derealization disorder may or may not be preceded by exposure to a traumatic event or may or may not have co-occurring PTSD symptoms. When full PTSD criteria are also met, however, the PTSD “with dissociative symptoms” subtype should be considered.

[besides some contextual information clarifying details on trauma, etc. in the dsm-v-tr, we could not immediately find clarifying information on what is meant by "(dissociative disorders) may or may not be preceded by exposure to a traumatic event"]

regardless of how previous debate was handled, with the information now in hand and understood by us, we wanted to layout some things...

we are firm in our interpretation of what the icd-11 meant by referencing cultural or spiritual phenomena, HOWEVER...

it is very apparent that non-aversive plurality (often dubbed endogenics) is a growing field of study with scientific backing.

we (our system) were wrong to write off the entire endogenic community as a cult / religion ("neocult" and "neoreligion"), and we will be deleting / editing that original post and anonymous question responses, HOWEVER...

we believe traumagenic and endogenic systems alike NEED to be critical of ANY system that is attempting to misrepresent information relevant to plurality, such as calling endogenics a diagnosable condition, or that it should be treated the same way as aversive plurality, such as with did/osdd/udd.

we understand that there are already systems present in the community that have already been doing so, but we wanted to take this opportunity to make that a focus here in order to further encourage it.

we need systems (both traumagenic and endogenic) to be vigilant to not give in to delusion (no we are not referencing any previous debates).

we believe systems (both traumagenic and endogenic) need to be vigilant of ANYONE attempting to label and diagnose others, and to encourage individuals requesting mental health assistance to seek professional guidance.

finally, and most importantly, we believe systems (again, both traumagenic and endogenic) need to be EXTRA vigilant of predators among our community as plurality poses a unique challenge in that regard.

thank you to all dissos and endos that have assisted in helping our system reach this understanding. again, we are sorry for being so hostile. hope to get to know and understand endos more as time goes on. we're removing our "dni endos" tag from our bio and will be working on removing strictly anti-endo content from our blog. Sincerely, 🌟 The Vega System edit: we've also gone ahead and unblocked a bunch of blogs too! hoping to talk with all systems!

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