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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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(ch.1) what it takes to heal

it was fine until it wasn’t

pairing: james potter x female! reader

summary: your relationship with james potter is purely platonic; he's a serial flirt incapable of commitment. james is determined to prove you wrong. when you’re assaulted at a party and he’s not there to protect you like he promised he’d be, he apologizes to you the only way he knows how to—by helping you heal.

warnings: sexual assault (clearly described), implied spiking of a drink, alcohol, use of coercive language, mutual pining and mutual idiocy

w/c: 5.1k

a/n: a lot of this story stems from my own experiences and what i wish would’ve been said to me and what i wish would’ve happened. to other survivors: you are so brave. there are moments in the story where the reader is being reminded of their strength, and i hope those words resonate with u

“You are… pathetic.” Dorcas flopped onto her stomach, landing right in the center of Marlene’s poster bed amongst a mountain of thick-knit red and gold pillows. The latter girl barely looked up from her Transfiguration dream journal as she chuckled in approval.

“Am not!” You cried, feeling around from your place on the carpet for a pillow of your own. You threw it at Dorcas’ head with as much force as you could muster; unfortunately, your aim was very much off and Marlene was very much the unsuspecting target of your attack.

“Why, you-” she shrieked, jumping from her comfortable position against the headboard. “My inkpot was right on the nightstand and your bloody pillow nearly stained my duvet! Not to mention, I was in the middle of journaling a great dream for Professor Trelawney…”

“Alright, the girl’s sorry. Now tell us about your ‘dream.’” Dorcas adjusted herself to fit snugly in Marlene’s new position.

“Well, in my dream,” Marlene began, clapping her hands together dramatically. You and Lily listened eagerly, always enjoying Marlene’s falsified dream journal entries for Divination. “Our Lily here finally worked up the nerve to approach that pretty blonde Slytherin girl… oh, what was her name? Nadia?”

Lily’s cheeks darkened furiously, as did her expression. “Marls! There’s nothing going on between us, we’re just Potions partners!” She huffed, hiding her face in her hands. “…And her name is Narcissa,” Lily mumbled from within her shield of fingers.

“Just Potions partners, huh? Would you say that you two have a lot of chemistry?” You giggled, batting your eyelashes and pretending to swoon.

“Bugger off! I could say the same about you and James!” You sobered up very quickly, which did not escape the watchful eyes of Marlene and Dorcas from their bed top perch.

“Wha- Are you mad? Lily, that git’s been completely obsessed with you since the second year! I’m pretty sure James doesn’t even know there are other girls in existence except for you.” You looked at the flushed redhead with bewilderment, whose head turned to Marlene and Dorcas for support. They shrugged back.

“Did Sirius not tell- oh Merlin,” Marlene laughed, her head falling forward and her hair dangling over Dorcas’ face. “James quit the chase almost a year ago when Sirius and Remus got together. I’m pretty sure he took one look at Frank and Alice, then saw Sirius and Remus, and realized that his infatuation with our lovely Miss Evans here was nothing more than a childish pipe dream.”

“Are you sure? Because I knew about Sirius and Remus but I could’ve sworn he continued to flirt with Lily for months afterward.”

Lily groaned. “He stopped flirting with me after he realized I was interested in Narcissa, you twat!” Marlene’s eyes widened comically as her hands flew up to her mouth, unsuccessfully hiding a loud gasp.

“I knew it! I knew there was something going on between you- Dorcas, didn’t I tell you?” Marlene looked down at Dorcas, who patted the enthusiastic girl’s cheeks lovingly.

“Yes, you did, Marls. You’ve got a real knack for these things, haven’t you?” Marlene beamed under Dorcas’ soft gaze and sweet words.

Dorcas turned to you, all of that softness gone. “But no more beating around the bush! Would you just put us all out of our misery and snog him already?” Your mouth gaped.

“First of all, who is ‘us?’ And who is ‘him?’ And what in Merlin’s beard does snogging have to do with this?” You pursed your lips, squinting suspiciously at Dorcas’ completely ungrounded accusation.

“We’re talking about James, you idiot! James Potter! Godric, you are so deep in denial that you’re bordering on delusional!” Marlene whined, fed up with your antics. “Look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don’t feel anything for him.”

You looked her in the eyes. You turned your head to the side jerkily to hide the heat creeping up your cheeks.

Lily yelped victoriously. “You are so full of shit!”

“He asked you to go with him to Hogsmeade, literally last week!” Dorcas whined, exasperated.

“No, he asked me if I needed any new quills or more parchment! And I didn’t!”

“Don’t play dumb, he quite literally invited you to go to Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop with him and then offered to take you to Honeydukes!” Lily screeched.

“Well, you know he and Sirius and Peter aren’t the most organized! I swear, Remus probably has four spare quills while the other three pass around one—and so they probably lost the one and needed to purchase a replacement! And Remus loves chocolate, you know that. I’m sure there’s a perfectly rational expl-”

“This is exactly why you aren’t a Ravenclaw!” Dorcas flung herself off the bed, pillow in hand, and tackled you. You both resurfaced with mussed-up hair and big grins.

“She rejected me last time, remember?” James laid on his back, arm draped over his forehead, lost in his own self-pity.

“Mate, this is just sad. Remember how cheeky you were with Lily? Now you’re too scared to ask a girl out?” Sirius called from the connected bathroom as he ran gel through his perfect curls, admiring his reflection in the mirror.

“But look how that turned out for me! Nothing ever happened between me and Lily and plus, this girl is different! She’s not Lily, she’s- I can’t explain it! But I’m not a stupid first-year anymore. I can’t just get plastered and get up on a table and confess my love to the entire common room!”

Lupin grimaced. “Wasn’t that the whole reason you planned this party?”

“Fuck off, Moony.”

Peter scurried into the room with a bottle of firewhiskey in each hand. “Guess who just nicked the best part of the night?” Sirius cheered, emerging from the bathroom in all of his glory.

“Alright!” He wrapped his arm around Remus’ waist and curled up against his side. “James, m’dear boy, why don’t you run off now and let the girls know about the party?” Sirius turned his head questioningly as James refused to move. “Oi, mate. Are you alive, or are you off having pre-pubescent wet dreams about her?”

James’ head snapped up. “You- don’t walk away from me!” Sirius and Lupin snickered and snuck off to the bathroom, presumably to finish Sirius’ multi-step hair care routine, but anything could go. James sighed, finally getting off his bed. “Do you have any final words, Wormtail?”

“Well, if you’re not gonna make a move, you don’t mind if I ask her out tonight, do you?” Peter smirked, arms crossed as he watched James’ figure disappear behind a slamming door.

“You lot know there’s a party tonight, right?” Dorcas sat cross-legged in front of a full-length mirror, her eyes closed as Marlene applied mascara for her with gentle hands. One eye fluttered open at the sound of Lily’s indignation, prompting a new dissatisfied huff from Marlene.

“Yes, I know, which is very inconvenient because I was going to be doing my homework but-”

“Cut the rubbish, Lily. You were going to go find Narcissa to do some extra credit, except Narcissa will be in the Gryffindor common room this evening partying with the three of us, so… any change in plans?” You interrupted, smugly.

Lily was silent, before heaving a heavy exhale and whipping her head around at you. “Fine. But only if you promise to do my hair!”

A knock on the door broke the flow of conversation. Dorcas jumped, much to Marlene’s frustration once more, and the former girl jumped up to answer the door with one eye of mascara finished.

“Evenin’, ladies! Messieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,” he gestured towards his body at his own name, prompting a chorus of amused groans, “would like to cordially extend an invitation to tonight’s party, hosted by none other than the Maurauders themselves!”

Lily scoffed, though there was clear delight behind her eyes. “You four still using that ridiculous group name, I see?”

“It’s not ridiculous, m’darling! Merely a representation of our charming, boyish spirits.” He caught your eye and sent you a dazzling smirk. “And I hope to see all of your radiant faces there.” He held your gaze for a few moments more, before retreating from the doorway with a flourished bow and a light laugh. You heard his heavy footsteps trail off as you started into the space where his eyes had just been, seemingly peering into your soul mere seconds ago.

“You can stop with the heart eyes, now.” Lily snapped her fingers in front of your face a couple of times to break you out of your love-stricken trance.

“Sorry! I zoned out for a second…” You forced a few blinks, trying to remember what you had been discussing last. “Oh, sure! I’ll do your hair for the party. Do you wanna grab your things?”

You tied Lily’s hair into two long plaits, fidgeting with the front few strands to help accentuate her heart-shaped face. You smiled. “You look beautiful, ‘Lils.”

“As do you.”

You feigned offense. “Are you insinuating I don’t always look beautiful?” Lily broke into a laugh, scrunching her eyes closed. Marlene scurried over.

“Hey! You’re going to smudge your makeup all over, let it all set for a minute!”

It was always fun to get ready with your dormmates. They had become your best friends and closest confidants. So perhaps it would be wise to let them in…

“Do you really think he likes me?” You muttered, fidgeting with the straps of your dress. It was as if the three girls’ heads turned in synch, so quickly you swore they should’ve cracked.

“Likes you?” Lily wailed. “Not this again! Please, he adores you!”

“The bloke would jump off the astronomy tower in a heartbeat if it meant you’d go out with him. No, if it meant you’d even give him the time of day.” Marlene chimed in.

“I do give him the time of day!”

Marlene’s hands found a place on her hips, her trousers still halfway up her legs. “As if! He asks you out at least once a week and you always say no, insisting that it wasn’t even a date in the first place. You are literally blinder than he is!” Marlene squashed her face together in irritation, returning to her abandoned trousers.

You smoothed out your dress, turning to look at yourself in the mirror. It wasn’t anything special—a red slip you had borrowed from Lily, who insisted it looks better on you. green’s more my color anyway— but it was still unfamiliar to you. You looked wonderful, that you were aware of; the cowl neckline exposed the slopes of your shoulders and the shadows of your collarbones, where a small necklace with a lion charm rested just over your clavicle, a gift Peter had given you last Christmas when you had spent the holidays at the Potter’s. It was light and flowy and the fabric gleamed under the candlelit fixtures.

Dorcas came from behind you and pulled your hand into hers, sensing your slight hesitation, holding it between the two of you reassuringly. You smiled, speaking lightly from the corner of your mouth. “Dorcas, I think I might l-”

The door burst open to reveal Peter in outrageous house colors, with Sirius looking dapper behind him in a well-fitted hat. Your face broke into a splitting grin.

“If it isn’t the two most handsome boys of Gryffindor house!” You laugh, throwing an arm around each one’s shoulder. They were considerably taller than you, and you found your toes brushing the ground. Sirius noticed your frustration and swept you up, perching you on his right arm as his left came to wrap around your waist, steadying you. You shrieked, your hands immediately burying themselves in his freshly styled hair to find leverage, much to his chagrin.

“Sirius Black, you scoundrel! I’ll shove your pretty face into the common room fire if you drop me!”

He chuckled, making his way down the stairs carefully with your chest still smushed against the top of his head, refusing to watch your descent. “Don’t let James hear you calling me that, he’ll push me into the fire before you even get the chance.” The raucous laughter and steady pounding of the music seemed to set your heart into a steady metronome before you even hit the floor. You found your footing, trying to muster up the will to scold Sirius but finding the situation quite funny.

“I’ll admit, Sirius Black, that you are an entertaining method of transportation. But try that with me again, and I will do more to your hair than just mess it up.” You threatened, struggling to stay straight-faced.

The party looked nearly at full capacity by the time you and your roommates had arrived. A few people continued to trickle in from other houses, but as you surveyed the room, you were met with the faces of many strangers.

“We invited more of the other houses this time,” Peter piped up from behind you. “So you might not recognize everyone. But Sirius’ younger brother is here, he brought his Slytherin friends, if you want to go-” Peter was cut off by James’ booming laughter.

“Potter!” You squealed, feeling his strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into his chest so he could rest his chin on your crown for a hug. He smelled faintly of butterbeer.

“I saw Padfoot here carry you down; you tryna’ steal my girl, huh?” He looked pointedly towards Sirius, relishing the feeling of you in his arms and being able to call you “his girl.”

“Your girl, is that right, Jamie? I’m yours?” You wrangle yourself away from his tight grip, jutting your chin upwards to meet his eyes before Sirius can respond. In your peripheral, you can see Marlene and Lily wiggling their eyebrows and snickering not-so-subtly as Dorcas wanders off to grab drinks. He leans over you with a smirk, swaying slightly as his head drops to take you in, enjoying the flush on your cheeks. He knows it can’t be from the alcohol—you’ve only just arrived.

“That’s right, you could be m’girl you wanted to be.” He looped a hand around your shoulder, clearing a path through the crowd as he guided you towards the drinks. He had to shrink himself slightly to hear your voice through the roar of people.

“What’s in it for me?”

“What’s in it for you?” He looked miffed. “Other than being the object of all my affections, you’d have the famous James Potter as your arm candy.” You laughed at that. “Plus, I’d make all your drinks for you.”

He tipped his head toward the drink table. “What do you want?”

Your eyes flickered over the various juices and liquids, some colorful, some carbonated, and you felt out of your element. “I dunno. What are you having?” You met his gaze again, which had never left your face. Have his eyes always been that intoxicating? I remember them being really weird-looking when he was helping me with Charms yesterday.

“I’m trying not to drink too much tonight, actually,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, shooting you a lopsided smile. You raised your eyebrows.

“Is that so, Pots?” His long arm flexed over the table to get you a cup, concocting you a drink with a practiced hand. “You look like you know what you’re doing, Potter,” you mused, leaning against your elbow to observe his hands in motion. “You been taking Potions lessons with Lily?” He shook his head, unruly brown curls bouncing happily.

“Nah, just making sure I can treat my favorite Gryffindor right.” He handed you the drink, which fizzed quietly and smelled of oranges.

“Otter’s Fizzy Orange Juice?” You asked, watching as the corners of his eyes crinkled, with the semblance of pride in his eyes.

“Yep, with a dash of firewhiskey. I know you’re not a big drinker, so it shouldn’t do anything more than make you tipsy.” You smile gratefully, this time being the first to initiate contact. You loop your elbow through his and pull him through the crowd merrily, hoping to reunite with your roommates and perhaps take up Peter’s offer of meeting Sirius’ younger brother.

The crowd was all sharp jostles and limbs and bony joints, and you could feel yourself being tossed around as a natural consequence of the business of the party. James frowned, watching as you struggled to keep ahold of his arm as you practically dove into a sea of bodies, your face dipping between his line of sight as you dodged taller partygoers. You abruptly halted, realizing James had stopped walking and that you were no longer able to drag him around without his help.

“Do you want me to, uh,” James looked uncharacteristically shy. He gestured his chest, and you couldn’t help but laugh as he made grabby hands to entrap you as you moved closer. He held you up against his jumper for a couple of seconds, his hands ghosting over your exposed back with such grace that goosebumps grew from the skin where his fingers had kissed. You inhaled deeply, appreciating the welcoming scent of his cologne; he was all lazy Saturday mornings and freshly baked bread and a newly started fire. He was the indulgent beginning.

“Here, I was thinking I could just pick you up.” He bent down to whisper into one of your ears, lips not quite touching your skin (but his breath made it feel as if they were). He looked down at you from the lenses of his glasses, which had begun to slip off his nose. You pushed them back up his face, the both of you giggling stupidly as your hands traced from the tip of his nose up the bridge. Good Godric, he really did have nice freckles.

“You know what? It’d be unfair to deny you the privilege of being my personal chauffeur when I’ve already graciously dolled that out to Sirius. Please, be my guest.” In one fluid motion, he hoisted you until you were practically seated on one of his shoulders. Immediately, you hated it.

“James! I’m gonna fall!” You exclaimed, half panicking, half loving the adrenaline of being so tall that you could swivel and survey the entire room. He positioned your legs so you were seated squarely on his broad shoulders, supportive and muscled from quidditch. You felt his chest shake with laughter, which only made you cling your legs around his neck tighter. One hand clutching your drink, the other arm nestled against the side of James’ head, you could feel the heat radiating off of him and you could feel his hands pressing firmly onto your calves, making sure you didn’t fall.

As the crowd thinned and you found yourself by the couches surrounding the fireplace, where your and James’ roommates, alongside Regulus, had congregated, James made no effort to set you down. You were antsy for solid ground, however. “James, at some point, I do need to return to the ground. I wore trainers for a reason.”

“If you’re not gonna let me hold you all night, at least let me wingardium leviosa you. You’re too out of this world to be walking.” There he was, that flirty, cocky James.

He slowly sunk to the ground in front of a plush velvet armchair, which left you at the perfect height to clamber off of him and onto the chair without much effort on your end. For a second, you thought James might want to come and sit in the chair with you. But he wiggled himself comfortably in front of your seat, slouching so that his head could occasionally pull back to rest between your thighs so he could look at you. You found that you didn’t mind.

Remus, squished into the corner of a loveseat by Sirius, leaned over. “This is the first time I’ve ever heard you call him James.” Your lips parted and eyebrows furrowed as you tried to recall any other instances in which you’d called him James. Remus was right—there were none.

“I was just caught off guard, ‘cos he picked me up, and-”

James tapped your knee, trying to get your attention. You pulled away from Remus, who still managed to sneak in a knowing look before he returned to his boyfriend’s side. “Hey, I’ve gotta go check on something. Sniv- Severus and some of his friends are here, I’m gonna make sure everyone’s fine.” He murmured lowly, so that only you could hear. From this close, you could see the way his eyelashes fluttered as he spoke so quietly to only you, as his index finger ran swirls into the velvet cushion on a spot just next to your knee.

You resisted the urge to brush your fingers over the scrape on his cheekbone, the one he obtained last weekend after he tried waving to you in the stands while holding a quaffle in the other hand during practice—another chaser snatched it right out of his grasp, sending him spiraling. It had seemed funny then, but up close, you could see the peach hairs dusting his face, the freckles over his nose, and the faintest stubble beginning to creep along his jawline (defining it even more, to your fury). When he was up close, he seemed real. He was no longer “The James Potter,” but James, the silly boy who tried to hold both your and his books but would end up dropping them all, the smart boy who’d lend you his notes and edit your essays because he always got top marks (even though he insisted he didn’t care about academics), the sweet boy who had asked your mom for a home recipe so he could prepare it for your birthday.

“Bye, Potter!” You shoved his face away from yours and waved to him aggressively, heart pounding. You took shaky breaths, desperately trying to return your pulse to normal. To your horror, the first thing you saw once regaining possession of your soul was a crowd of slack-jawed friends, both yours and James’, who had observed the entire interaction.

“Holy shit,” you breathed. “I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you bloody are!” Lily practically apparated before you, considering the speed at which she had fumed over, cheeks tinged red. “He likes you so much! He likes you lots! I mean, he probably loves you!” Then, it was your turn to blush.

“Lily, you’re drunk. I can tell because you just left Narcissa alone to come and berate me and sober Lily would never make such a foolish decision. Go back to your lovergirl, now.” You shooed her, and she pranced off very willingly.

You picked up the drink that James had made for you off the side table you had left it on, swirling it a bit before downing the last of its contents. It had become lukewarm and a little flat, but you enjoyed the orange enough to want more. You excused yourself, rearranging your dress a bit before hurrying off to pour yourself a second, hoping to be back in time to catch James.

A sweet Ravenclaw boy had his back to you, topping off his drink. He turned, and you both jumped at each other’s closeness.

“I’m so sorry!” He laughed, “Forgive me if I’m a little out of it. This is my second.” He extended his free arm to you, which you took. He had a firm handshake, like James, and big, round glasses, like James. You liked that about him.

“I like your glasses,” you said flatly. He seemed to find your bluntness charming.

“Want me to help you with yours?” He used his own cup to point to your empty one, and you smiled gratefully.

“My friend said last time it was the orange soda and a bit of firewhiskey.”

“It looks like they’re out of orange…Otter’s, right? I like him too. There’s grape, if you like that. Or I could pour you some gigglewater?”

You were a fervent anti-grape flavoring person. “I think I’ll try the gigglewater! Now tell me, will it really make me giggle?” He swung an arm around you good-naturedly just as Sirius and James had, and steered you to meet his friends.

You were faced with a group of kind-looking Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, with a Slytherin who vaguely resembled Lily’s Narcissa in the back. You waved nervously, but they were more than happy to welcome a new member to their circle. They seemed like people you’d like to remain friends with. You made an effort to remember their names, but names had never been your strong suit, and you found them slipping out of your mind even more so today. You figured you should probably work on that; it does get a bit awkward asking somebody for their name the third time around.

Your drink-pourer was very gracious, asking if you felt comfortable, offering to hold your drink when you needed to use the loo, and he even handed you his jacket when he noticed you beginning to tremble. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much to drink before,” you giggled, living up to the name of your drink. “Am I drunk?” You were a little dizzy, your fingers digging into the shoulder of your drink-pourer, who smiled kindly down at you.

“Yeah, honey, I think you are drunk. Let me take this out of your hands.” He took the cup from you, placing it carefully off to the side, returning to you with full attention. His hands rubbed small circles on your knees, as you fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket.

“Are you still cold?” He fretted, trying to pull his clothing around you more securely.

“Yes, but it’s fine, it’s not your jacket,” you puffed. “It’s this bloody dress. Well, it’s not bloody,” you giggled, “it’s red. It’s my friend’s dress. It’s nice, isn’t it? I think I look pretty. I think James thinks I’m pretty too… I don’t like how breezy it is though,” you confessed, putting your hands over his to stop them from moving as you pushed further into your mind for a train of thought. “I don’t like not wearing trousers. Wearing trousers are nice. You can just move around. Who even invented the idea of undergarments being a shameful thing anyways? They’re just fabric, and…”

Your drink-pourer brought a hand up to cup your face. His fingers were cold, and they dug into your cheeks. “Hey, everything’s gonna be fine. You’re with me now, got it?” He pulled you to his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist comfortingly. He smelled of quills and ink and alcohol.

“James?”

“Mhm?” The boy didn’t meet your eye, the arm around you only pulling you closer until you were on his lap, flush to his chest, the other inching closer to the hem of your dress.

“Can you take me back to my dorm? I’m sleepy.” His fingers slipped under the fabric of your dress, leaving teasing goosebumps as they crept up your thighs. The chill was a welcome respite from your burning skin.

He only hummed, patting your back as you settled your chin into the crook of his shoulder. He kissed the exposed flesh along your neck, and you sighed in contentment. He chuckled breathily, the hand under his dress finally coming up to fiddle with the waistband of your panties and the other toying with the slim strap of your cowl neck. You cleared your throat meekly. Before you could speak, the boy hushed comforts into your ear.

“It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you. We’re gonna be good to each other, you hear me? You’re gonna help me feel good because that’s the nice thing to do.”

You nod mindlessly, his droning voice becoming static. “James, I think I lo-”

“What the fuck, Padfoot? She’s been gone for how long?” It’s as if a lighter is trying to light itself in your mind, but can’t get past the sparks. Something’s happening, you think, but you can only see it through minute bursts of light.

“You know that she doesn’t drink much! Why would you let her run off and get one herself? Are you daft? What the fuck, mate?” No matter how hard the boy whose lap you were currently in could try, the commotion around the fireplace had wormed its way into your mind. That far away, angry voice seemed much more familiar than James right now.

But this wasn’t James, was it? James would never kiss you. James was a good person, he’d never do that to Lily. So who was this? Where were you?

“Sorry, I think-” you begin to lift yourself from the boy’s embrace.

“Hey, where are you going? You can’t just leave alone, you’re drunk,” his hands tighten around your forearms until you yelp, beginning to flail in his grasp like a fish suffocating on air—with no regard for appearance, just sheer panic.

“I don’t know you! I can’t see anything,” you wept, chin quivering as fat tears began ruining’s perfectly done mascara. Godric, she’d be so upset. Your eyes burned as the makeup began irritating your tear glands.

Nobody liked a crying girl at a party. He let go of you without warning, sending you forward with too much momentum until you tripped onto the floor, the world spinning. Black was beginning to dot your vision as if small shadow fish were swimming across your line of sight, and when you looked around, the small fish grew into an entire school. It felt as if the whole school watched as you fumbled around the common room, eyes pinched shut and black trails running down your made-up face, your arm swinging wildly like a blind man’s cane. You heard something crash. Godric, I hope that wasn’t Alice’s new chess set.

“James? James? Can anyone hear me?” You were desperate, whimpering. You had stopped producing tears of sadness long ago—you were too dehydrated for that—and now, the only liquid on your face was that of your eyes trying desperately to eject everything that was preventing you from seeing.

You crashed into a wall. Great.

At least the wall smelled a bit like James. It shifted from beside you, but you were too tired to care. “Can I go to sleep?” You whispered, tilting your face upwards with your eyes still closed, not really asking permission from anyone. Because within the next few seconds, your head lolled and you drifted into a dreamless slumber.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

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#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james & peter & remus & sirius #james potter x y/n #maurauders era #mauraders #maurauders series #the marauders imagine #the mauraders #sirius black #peter pettigrew #remus lupin

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sweeterthansammy · 3 years

Text

What Are We? || Sirius Black

Young!Sirius Black x Fem!Reader; Reader plays the role of Sirius’ ‘plaything’.

Genre: Angst & Fluff

Written in third person point of view.

Summary: When pushed away in front of his friends, Y/N questions where her relationship with Sirius stands.

Warnings: Smoking, sexual innuendos (little to none in the beginning), brief mention of alcohol consumption, & mild language

Word count: 2.0k

Removing the cigarette from in between her lips, she let out a thick ball of smoke, running her tongue along her bottom lip before taking another pull. She rested against the edge of the Astronomy Tower, watching as the stars twinkled against the pitch black sky.

Godric, where is he? It’s been over twenty minutes, she thought to herself, stepping on whatever remained of her cigarette once it hit the floor.

“There you are! I was just about to leave,” she exclaimed, greeting Sirius with a hug.

He smelled strongly of sleeping draught, earning a furrow to the eyebrows from Y/N. It wasn’t his usual scent - sugary smoke. And then her eyes trailed further down, landing on the tiny mark beneath his jawline. Surely it was a hickey, yet she disregarded it. She hadn’t seen Sirius for over two nights.

He said that they were just “laying low,” as he didn’t want everyone to know that they’d been sneaking around for a few months. She looked back into his eyes and as he opened his mouth to speak, she attached her lips to his, easily pushing him against the cold stone-wall of the tower.

“Pads, don’t tell me that you don’t see the way Mooney looks at Minerva,” Peter chuckled, taking a sip of the fire whiskey in his flask.

“Shut up,” Remus groaned, frustratedly running his hands over his face.

“You’re only telling him to stop because you know it’s true,” James elbowed Sirius, the three boys erupting into a fit laughter all while Remus’ face grew red as a tomato.

Hearing her voice from the front door, the boys easily grinned to themselves, wanting nothing more than to tease Sirius for seriously falling in love with someone. Only they knew about Sirius’ deep infatuation with Y/N, yet he found it so hard to set his pride aside and just admit it to her.

“Hey, boys,” she mumbled, giving the boys their individual forehead kisses as she always did.

As a greeting and a goodbye, they received forehead kisses. They wouldn’t trade it for the world. I mean, who would? Passing up a forehead kiss from the hottest girl at Hogwarts was something that someone stupid enough would do.

As she laced her fingers with Sirius’ raven locks, he tensed beneath her, cheeks flushing a bright pink as she leaned into his side, placing her forearm against the nape of his neck. Instinctively, his arm wrapped around her waist, protectively pulling her body closer to his.

Hearing a few snickers from the other boys instantly brought him back to reality, his eyes widening as he dropped his hand from around her waist. Y/N particularly chose to not be phased by the sudden change, continuing to engage in her discussion with James and Remus. She felt her chest tighten and her throat go dry when Sirius pushed her figure away from his.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

She glanced at Sirius abruptly before turning back to the boys, only to find that he was staring right into her soul.

Does he want me or not?

As the hour of 4 o’clock approached, she said her goodbyes to the boys, claiming that she was providing other students with help in Defense Against the Dark Arts, ignoring Sirius as he held his arms out for a hug. She simply walked away, not saying a word to the big black dog as she found her way out.

“And you, Sirius Black, have fucked up big time,” James stated, tutting as he slapped his hand onto Sirius’ back.

“W-what’d I do wrong?”

“Oh you goddamn idiot! You pushed her away from you when she was near you,” Remus explained, shaking his head as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

Sirius’ face dropped in realization, putting his head down while all of the boys urged him to make it up to her.

“I’m pretty sure that she hates me now, makes no sense trying to make anything up to her.”

“Sirius, you’re so utterly stupid, I have never been more amazed,” Peter sighed.

All of the boys turned to him, eyebrows furrowing.

“Look who’s talking,” Sirius mumbled to himself, earning a snicker from James and Remus and a punch to the arm from Peter.

“She’s in love with you. I don’t know if there’s something wrong in your little head or if you can’t see the signs, but she would do anything for you. She’d literally die for you before anyone else,” Peter went on even further, trying to somehow make it make sense to Sirius. “All you have to do is acknowledge the fact that she’s trying to show you that she loves you. Stop pushing her away or else she’ll be gone for good.”

“And when did you suddenly become Cupid, Wormy?” James retorted, ignoring the deadly glare he was currently receiving from his best friend.

“But he is right, Padfoot. She left after a minor action, imagine what’ll happen when something more damageable happens,” Remus chimed in, looking back and forth between Sirius and Peter.

“So...w-what do I do? Do I just leave a bunch of flowers at her door and say sorry?” Sirius asked, allowing his tongue to toy with his teeth.

“Why do women even go crazy over you?” James asked, squinting his eyes at Sirius.

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship!”

“I, for one, can definitely tell! You don’t just get her things, she’ll think that you want to buy her love. Think of something heartfelt. What does she like to do? Take her out on a date after figuring that out. Play with her hair, stargaze with her - I don’t know, just do something meaningful with the girl!”

Everyone looked at James, stunned by his suggestion.

“Lily’s rubbing off on you, aye?” Peter asked.

“Well, she’s given me a few tips for when I’ve pissed her off,” James explained quickly and quietly. “Beside that, do you understand what I’m telling you, Sirius?”

All of the boys turned their attention to him, supportively patting his back while muttering words of motivation.

Astronomy Tower at 8? - Sirius

Y/N clutched dearly onto the note that Sirius had attached to his owl, sending the owl back once she’d given it a few feathery strokes to the head. Kicking back and laying in her house’s common room, she engaged in a conversation with a few boys that she was closer to than anyone else in her house - Orion, Gilderoy, and Augustus.

“So, what does it mean when a boy pushes you away? He shows all of the signs that he likes you but then he just changes and...doesn’t want to be near you at all.”

“Well, for one, he’s either in denial of his feelings for you,” Augustus started.

“Or two, he’s not interested in you at all and he just wants to be friends,” Orion continued.

“Oftentimes, it’s the first one - he’s not really sure of what to do about his feelings,” Gilderoy explained.

“Now, is this about Sirius Black - your best friend, boyfriend, whatever he is? Because if it is, then we cannot help you at all. He’s a closed book so it’s harder to tell where he wants to stand with your relationship.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Orion,” she groaned, remembering when everyone had teased her back in their third year when they had first discovered that she had a crush on Sirius.

“Whatever he is, we all know that you two are in love but you’re afraid to admit it, more so Sirius than you.”

“And how do you know that?”

She peered down at Augustus, leaning on her elbows to get a glance at the trio sitting on the floor.

“Have you not seen the way he looks at you on a day to day basis?!” Gilderoy’s eyes were practically bulging out of its sockets as he looked at her in disbelief.

“How does he look at me?”

Oh, how young and naive she was.

“He basically eye fucks you in every class that we have together,” Orion said bluntly, nonchalantly leaning back so he was resting against the foot of a sofa.

Her cheeks grew a bright shade of pink, her eyes widening for a moment before she turned back to the boys.

“He asked me to meet later...what do I do?” she asked, panic clearly written on her face.

“Go, silly! He obviously wants you to know that he’s got some sort of feelings in his heart bottled up for you,” Augustus suggested, leaning back onto Orion.

She smiled at them, thanking the three of them for the advice.

A heavy trench coat kept her warm as she waited for Sirius, the rain coming down harder and harder.

I can’t do this again.

She was about to leave, droplets of rain soaking her from head to toe when she felt a pair of hands firmly position themselves on her waist.

“Sirius, I’m tired of doing this! I can’t keep coming up here and waiting for you!”

She competed with the sound of the rain pelting down onto the stone padded floor.

“Y/N, I-I need to tell you something,” he said, holding onto her wrists as she tried to pull away from him.

“What is it?!” she asked, trying to fight the tears that were flooding her eyes.

“The moment I laid my eyes on you, I fell in love. I knew I would love you forever. I didn’t know that I would have fallen in love with you any harder than I already had. Please, I need you to be by my side no matter what happens. Will you be my girlfriend?”

She was stricken by his words, her waterlines beginning to fail and letting her tears flow, mixing with the raindrops that lay upon her face.

“Sirius, before I give you an answer, answer me this - why don’t you like being seen with me in public? You claim to have loved me so much yet I can’t figure out why you seem to be bothered by my existence half of the time.”

She watched as he dropped his head, sighing as he looked back up.

“I never meant to make you feel that way. I-I thought that if I’d just push my feelings for you aside, it’d help, but...” he paused, motioning his arms around them. “Clearly it didn’t.”

“One more thing.”

“What is it?”

“The hickey...the sleeping draught. Sirius, I know you were out with another girl, don’t even try to lie to me. You promised me that it was me and me only, even before you asked me to be your girlfriend. Why couldn’t it just be me?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I mean it. I just needed to get you off my mind for a couple of days but no matter who I was with, it wasn’t you so it didn’t help with anything. Y/N, I love you with all of my heart and I’m truly, truly sorry.”

With the soft look that rested on his face - the tip of his nose red, eyes glossy with tears, lips soft and pink - she couldn’t say no. She easily wrapped her arms around his neck, perfectly molding their lips together in a soft kiss.

His large hands dispersed over her back, holding her tightly to his body as they kissed under the rain. With a flick of his wand and a quick mutter of the word “apparition,” they appeared in the center of his dorm room, the boys laying in their own beds.

“So...I’m assuming she said ‘yes’?” Remus questioned, flipping the page of the book that rested in his lap.

“I had to. The eyes made me feel so weak,” she chuckled, sniffling as she wiped the teardrops and raindrops from her cheeks.

“Well, he is a dog after all. Their specialty is manipulating with the eyes,” James snickered.

“No it’s not,” Remus argued, eyes still pasted to his book.

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#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black imagines #sirius black angst #sirius black fluff #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #harry potter #marauders hp #marauders #marauders era #platonic!remus lupin x reader #platonic!james potter x reader #platonic!peter pettigrew x reader

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rekrappeter · 4 years

Note

🎵 into it by chase atlantic with sirius black

Inspired Song: Into It by Chase Atlantic Character: Sirius Black Themes: Marauders Era, Sirius being a wh*re, suggestive WC: 474 Titles: “come and go between my bedsheets”

The string of giggles made you want to claw your eyes out as they echoed around the empty common room, the sound of familiar voices made you sink further into the armchair that you were lounging in. Your knees were tucked up comfortably against your chest and you tried to hide your body from the view of Sirius Black and his midnight snack of the week. This girl was pretty, her long blonde hair tied up in a messy bun and the sparkle was evident in her eyes. You pitied the girl, knowing that come Monday morning, Sirius will be on to his next task.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, darlin’,” his smooth voice whispered empty promises to her, but she fell for it, just like every other person does. When the portrait closed, the night went silent again. It was nearing two a.m and like most nights, you found yourself unable to sleep in the dorm room. Your roommate was a heavy sleeper, she snored a lot but she also spoke. It’s how you found out about her infatuation for Remus Lupin and it’s why you usually found the comfort in the same armchair each night.

You listened out for the black-haired man’s footsteps, waiting to hear him retreat back to his dorm but when the silence was prolonged, you peeked over the head rest to find his eyes already in your direction. You rolled your own eyes and settled back down, letting your legs drape over the side.

“That was Rebecca, lovely girl,” Sirius said, making his way to the chair across from you. You hummed in reply, letting your eyes flutter shut. “Trouble sleeping again, love?”

“That’s none of your business, Black,” you yawned, keeping your eyes closed. You could hear him sit down, his leg bouncing erratically.

“If the problems your bed, you are always welcome to use mine,” You could hear the smirk in his tone.

You opened your eyes, looking at him in disgust, “And where would you sleep, pretty boy?”

“Beside you, of course,” he winked.

“And would this involve having to engage in sexual activities with you?” Your words sparked something in Sirius, his jaw hanging in shock and the excitement bubbled up inside him as he watched you stand up and make your way to the entrance of the dormitories.

Sirius was hesitant to follow you, swallowing back the shock. “Are you for real?”

“The offer expires in 30 seconds,” you hid the smirk on your face by wiping your lips with the palm of your hands, and your nose scrunches in amusement watching him jump from the chair and darting over to you, “Oh, Sirius,” you chuckle, pushing his body away from yours, “You’re so horny and naive.”

Sirius groaned in annoyance, watching you slip away from him and disappear to your own dorm.

#freyas1k #sirius black x reader #sirius black blurbs #sirius black imagine #marauders era #harry potter imagine #stfukie

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moonysmagic · 3 years

Text

“I’ll never move on from you”

(Jily Fanfic Final Part)

She liked it. She liked his attention, his jokes, his smile. Even though she turned him down. She like him and now she was too late cause James Potter didn’t bat an eye at her anymore. He moved on. So, she cried. She cried at her own foolishness to not realize what she could have had if she just accepted for once. Her eyes were swollen, she couldn’t think, she just wanted to curl up in a ball in her own self pity.

Remus found her in the library. In their usual spot, but Lily’s eyes were bloodshot and swollen. Her nose was red and tear stains were still on her cheeks. He asked her what wrong and she just repeated, “I messed up. I messed up.” Soon enough Lily told Remus everything from the last day before summer up until that very morning.

Remus was torn. He knew James still had a very big infatuation with Lily he just decided to leave her alone for once since for 6 years straight he’s been rejected. But, Remus was sworn to secrecy by both of them. Lily not wanting to accept her feelings and James being embarrassed that he still can never move on.

He decided that he needed to get them together. It was necessary to protect Remus’s sanity. He could handle James wallowing over Lily but he could not survive Lily moping around the school and wallowing in self-pity. That’s not a side of Lily anyone would want to experience.

He planned to get James and Lily together for a long period of time, so he made a plan and got some of the girls in on it. Lily shared a dorm with Marlene and Mary so Remus got them to lock Lily out for a short period of time, so when He, Sirius, James, and Lily were in the common room, he can convince Sirius to leave with him (wolfstar ;)) leaving Lily and James together in the common room to sort themselves out.

Getting Sirius to ditch James was easier than expected. He simply said that he was going to bed and Sirius just said “same” and left with him. (Sirius just wanted a cuddle and he knew where to get it) Now James and Lily were alone, in the common room, with the fireplace one give the room a very romantic mood lighting. They both tried to start a conversation, but they both knew what the other was thinking. So eventually James got up and sat next to Lily.

“I know you wanted me to move on and leave you alone, but I-I can’t. I really like you Lily. I always have. I’ll ask you one more time before I finally give up. Lily, w-will you go out with me?” James said. Trying to come across as serious as possible. He was tired of being a joke to her. He had real feelings and it hurt to be rejected even though he pretended to brush it off.

“Yes, Pot.. James.” Lily said trying to hide her smile. James looked shocked. He had expected a no, predicted another rejection to add to the bunch, but not this time.

“Wait, really? You’ll go out with me?” James said still shocked.

“Yes James. Yes I will,” Lily said finally smiling at him with a blush visible on her cheeks. “I thought you moved on actually. I thought you decided to move on from me.” Lily said looking at her feet. She was happy but still stuck on the idea of him moving on. James grabbed her hand and looked her straight in the eye.

“I’ll never move on from you.”

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sirius · 7 years

Note

Hello! Prompts: 52,35,17, with a 7th year Marauder's Era Remus Lupin? I've been struggling with people insulting my appearance a lot lately and it really hurts,so having my favorite character comfort me would help loads! Thanks 💓

I am really on a roll today! I tried a slightly different writing style, just for fun. Enjoy

52. “Wow I can’t believe he said you were ugly, hun he is clearly blind.”, 35. “You don’t deserve this.” And 17. “What happened to you?”

When (Y/N) (Y/L/N) asked Remus Lupin for help with her Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment, Remus almost choked on his pumpkin juice.

(Y/N) asking him for help when she was easily the top of most, if not, all her classes? It didn’t make any sense. Maybe it was a trick question? A joke? He searched her expression and found nothing to suggest either of those were her true motive. But he laughed anyway, mostly because he was nervous.

Her expression shifted from meek curiosity to puzzled offense, and Remus stops laughing immediately.

“Er– did I hear you right? Did you just ask me for help?”

“Yeah,” she remarked, “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked…”

“No, I’d love to help you!” Remus blurted, and he wants to slap himself for sounding so desperate. But a smile fills her lips and Remus stays on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

One assignment turned into two, and then three, until he was spending his Thursday afternoons with (Y/N) in the library. The more he saw of her, the more his fondness for her grew, until he found himself constantly thinking of her. It made being friends with his fellow Marauders torturous, especially Sirius, who likened Remus’ perfectly platonic feelings for (Y/N) to James’ infatuation with Lily Evans.

“Soon, you’ll be following her around like a lost puppy,” Sirius smirked, “Just…don’t take any advice from Prongs, he clearly knows nothing about women.”

“Blasphemy, I tell you!” James snapped, defensively, “Moony, don’t listen to a word of Padfoot’s slander.”

“If you knew anything about women, you’d have Lily Evans on your arm…”

“It’s a work in progress, okay?”

“You gotta admit though, Evans has warmed up to Prongs over the past year,” Peter piped up as he tossed a tennis ball against the wall.

“Exactly, Wormtail. Wormy is what we call a true friend…”

Remus snorted, shaking his head. He tuned out to most of James and Sirius’ argument, his mind drifting back to (Y/N)…

“Listen, I’m going to the Library. Don’t wait up for me…” Remus interrupts, collecting his books and hauling them out of the Dorm.

“Moony’s getting some tonight!” Sirius bellowed from behind him, his gleeful quip followed by childish snickering. Remus rolled his eyes but allowed a wry smile to tickle his lips. Sometimes, he really hated his friends…

When he found (Y/N) in the library, it almost didn’t feel right. There was something about her demeanour, her posture, maybe her expression that was strangely grey in contrast to her usual bubbly spirit.

“Hey, Remus,” (Y/N) mumbled, and Remus dropped into the seat beside her.

“Hey, (Y/N). Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she snipped, too quickly for his liking, “Let’s begin, shall we?”

Remus nodded and opened his books, turning to the chapter. They read in silence, (Y/N)’s head bowed in concentration, and Remus couldn’t help but send her furtive glances. Something is wrong, he thought, as he watched her bite her lip and turn the page, and it irritated him like an itch he couldn’t reach because she was usually so radiant.

“Remus, why do you keep helping me?” (Y/N)’s voice splintered his reviere and he looked up at her, confusion knitting his brows.

“What?”

“Why do you keep meeting up with me? Is it because you pity me?”

“W-What?” Remus stuttered, stupidly, “What do you mean?”

(Y/N) sighed, exasperated, “I mean, why do you keep coming back to me when I’m nothing but an ugly, stupid bitch who doesn’t deserve your attention–”

“(Y/N)–”

“–Because that’s the truth, isn’t it? I’m just a disgusting wart who isn’t worth a second glance, because I’m dumb and no one likes me, and no one will ever like me–”

“(Y/N)–”

“–And I’ll just end up fat and alone because I’m ugly and no self-respecting wizard will ever want to marry me–”

“(Y/N)!” Remus interjected, and (Y/N) jumped at his tone, “Where is all of this coming from? What happened to you?”

(Y/N) stared at him, and it was then that he realised her gaze was watery, her eyes glassy from unshed tears. She gave a heavy sigh, blinking back the tears.

“Tracy Burton is what happened to me…” (Y/N) finally mumbled, staring down into her lap.

“Tracy? As in…my ex-girlfriend Tracy?”

“Yes,” (Y/N) whimpered, and a stray tear slipped from behind her lashes and rolled down her cheek. “She cornered me in the girls bathroom and told me everything that I already know. That I’m not smart or pretty…”

Tears poured from (Y/N)’s eyes and Remus wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his chest. She sobbed onto his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt, and Remus held her close to him like reassurance. She was none of the things Tracy claimed she was, and for (Y/N) to believe her made everything worse.

“Wow I can’t believe she said you were ugly, she is clearly blind,” Remus mumbled against her hair, “Tracy is a blind liar. And that’s why I broke up with her.” (Y/N) sniffled and gazed up at Remus, her eyes pools of melancholy.

“But she’s not the only one who has told me I’m ugly…” (Y/N) choked, “I’m constantly reminded of how pathetic I am, and that’s all I see when I look in the mirror; a failure of a witch who thinks she can play with magic…”

Remus sighed as (Y/N)’s body wracked beside him. He wanted to slaughter everyone who had ever insulted his (Y/N), because she deserved so much more than this. She deserved to be happy, not lied to and ridiculed. In his eyes, she was more beautiful than any sunset he had ever seen, any constellation sprawled across the night sky, any flower in all the rose gardens in the world. He planned on telling her so.

“You don’t deserve this…” Remus muttered as he began to unbutton his shirt, and (Y/N) leaned back, confusion shifting across her face.

“What are you doing?” She croaked.

“I’m going to show you something,” Remus explained, “I haven’t shown many people this, so please, keep this to yourself…”

“Of course,” she whimpered, wiping away her tears.

Remus shed his shirt and (Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock, her lips parted. On display for her eyes only was his bare chest, littered with scars. (Y/N) reached out and traced one with a nimble finger, her eyes following the curve against his skin.

“I’m very self-conscious of my scars,” Remus murmured, “Not only because they’re hideous, but also because they are a simple truth that I will always be hideous. I’m cursed with this…disease…and there is no cure. It’s a living nightmare, and I hate it.”

Remus slipped back into his shirt and buttoned it up. (Y/N) was still silent, so he continued. “This is ugly. Not you. And even if you were, I wouldn’t care. You don’t have to be pretty to be smart and strong, good looks is just an added bonus!” Remus reached up and cupped (Y/N)’s face, his thumb smearing a stray tear, “You are more beautiful than anything I’ve ever known, because you remind me that there is still beauty in this world. You give me hope, and that is worth more than anything you can buy.”

A weak smile graced (Y/N)’s features and Remus mimicked it, before he leaned in and kissed her.

She tasted like strawberries, like a gulp of fresh air, like chocolate after a full moon, and Remus couldn’t help but melt into the warm embrace of her lips. His hands tangled in her hair and her arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed her and she captured the air in his lungs. He wanted to do this forever, until the day he died, he wanted to kiss (Y/N) and feel her kiss him back too.

When they broke apart, and Remus’ eyes fluttered open, he found (Y/N) beaming back at him, her cheeks damp and her lips rosy. He loved the sight of her; he wanted to wake up to her and he wanted her to be the last thing he saw before he fell asleep.

“Woohoo, go Moony!” cheered voices from behind him, and Remus turned to find James, Sirius and Peter lined up in a row, beaming at him. (Y/N) giggled and Remus blushed bright red. The three Marauders sauntered toward their table in the empty library, and Remus scowled at his friends as they threw themselves into a seat.

“Told you they’d end up snogging,” Sirius winked, “Perfect location, too. You’ve chosen well, Moony, (Y/N) is quite the looker!”

“And if Sirius thinks you’re a looker, than he means it,” James grinned, “He doesn’t just go throwing compliments around aimlessly,”

“I didn’t realize it was such an honour to be complimented by Sirius Black!” (Y/N) remarked, sarcastically, her lips twisting into a grin.

“You best believe it, love,” Sirius smirked.

“Not that I don’t like you guys being here but…well…I actually don’t like you guys being here,” Remus grumbled and James leapt to his feet.

“Oh, of course! Our bad. We’re interrupting,” James waggled his brows suggestively, “As you were, children. And keep it chaste, I’m too handsome to be someone’s grandfather!”

The three of them slinked away, snickering to themselves, and a wry smile tugged his lips as he watched them go. With his arm slung around (Y/N), and her head on his shoulder, everything felt right.

Who knew Defence Against the Dark Arts could be so rewarding?

no more prompts, pls.

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