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Kid Loki: I spy with my little eye, something that starts with an ‘s’.
Classic Loki: Salt? A snake?
Slyvie: Sand?
Loki and Mobius: [staring at each other from a distance]
Slyvie: Sexual tension?
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incorrectbatfam · 6 days ago
Conversation
Tim: The child of a mermaid and a centaur has a one in four chance of being a normal human.
Damian: And a one in four chance of being a seahorse.
Barbara: I'm glad we remembered our Punnett squares.
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incorrect-trekquotes · 25 days ago
Conversation
alien of the week: put your weapons on the ground!
kirk: how exactly do I put a scathing wit and sex appeal on the ground?
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 19 days ago
Conversation
Paladin: Isn't the idea supposed to be "you saved my life, now I owe you a debt"?
Warlock: Nope. Other way around. You saved my life, so now I'm your problem. If you don't like it, then kill me.
Warlock: The gods wanted me dead, now you get to find out why.
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lesbian-deadpool · 14 days ago
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Peter: Drive straight? Drive straight? Officer your homophobia is showing let me swerve into oncoming traffic. Bi rights, baby.
Peter: I owe $37,000 in traffic violations.
Natasha: Love wins.
Y/N: But will it win your court case?
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incorrectfmaquotes · a day ago
Conversation
Ed: Mustang just took the wheels off of my heelys, I feel like Lucifer stripped of his wings.
Ed: I have to walk down the hallways like a common wench and I am LIVID.
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Loki: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for psychical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance.
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incorrectbatfam · 12 days ago
Conversation
Bruce: Your dog needs meat and your kids need vaccines. End of discussion.
Diana: Also your dog needs vaccines and your kids need meat.
Clark: Also your meat needs vaccines and your kids need dogs.
Hal: What these are all true—
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f1incorrects · 27 days ago
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Lando: *Gasp*
Carlos: wHAT??
Lando: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Carlos: *inhales*
Dan, in another room with Max: Why can I hear screeching?
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lesbian-deadpool · 16 days ago
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Natasha: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
Yelena: 
Natasha: Vroom vroom, come out already.
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superdogbiter · 28 days ago
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Loki and Mobius on an undercover mission
Guard:”You two! What are you doing back there? Who are you?”
Mobius:”I’m Mister Smith-”
Loki,simultaneously:”I’m Doctor Smith-”
Guard:................................
Loki:...........................
Mobius:.........................
Loki,holding Mobius’s hand:”We’re Mister and Doctor Smith”
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incorrectbatfam · 10 days ago
Conversation
Dick: Why is it that from 12 A.M. to 4 A.M. water enters a state where it is so much better in every way?
Tim: Because when you are tired your higher brain functions shut down, leaving only your ancient fish brain. It likes the splash.
Jason: Can confirm, I had two glasses of water in one sitting and it was the shit.
Damian: You have pleased your fish brain.
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lesbian-deadpool · 27 days ago
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Peter: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?
Y/N: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
Peter: 
Peter: *Sobs*
Tony: You fucking scared him, you dumbass!
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previously-on-hsmtmts · 16 hours ago
Conversation
Seb: In High School Musical 2, Sharpay very clearly states that they have "towels imported from Turkey, and turkey imported from Maine".
Seb: In order to import an item, it must come from another country. The series is set in Albequerque, New Mexico, and as New Mexico and Maine are both part of the USA, they cannot have their turkey imported.
Seb: As most of the leading characters are white, they all speak English, and none of them celebrate the Fourth of July, this clearly indicates that High School Musical takes place in an alternate universe where a second civil war has split the nation, and New Mexico is no longer part of the Union.
Carlos: Honey, this was supposed to be your English essay.
Seb: I'm getting there.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 11 days ago
Conversation
Bard: How do I passive-aggressively say 'fuck you' in flower?
Druid: So you'd need a bouquet of geraniums (stupidity), foxglove (insincerity), meadowsweet (uselessness), yellow carnations (you have disappointed me), and orange lilies (hatred). It would be quite striking! And full of loathing.
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incorrectfmaquotes · 2 days ago
Conversation
Al: Scooby says “ruh roh”, Shaggy says “zoinks”, Velma says “jinkies”, and Daphne says “jeepers”. What did Fred say?
Ed: Fred says “fuck”.
Al: HE DID NOT!
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Conversation
Wanda: I’m jealous of you, you know.
Pietro: [smirking] Why?
Wanda: Because your twin is SO much smarter than mine.
Wanda: [walks away]
[an hour later]
Pietro: Wait but-
Pietro: But I’m your-
Pietro: WANDA GET BACK HE-
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