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snowy-vee · 2 months

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밤양갱 (Bam Yang Gang) Ellie W.

n/a: I wrote this today, 1.7K words, I have zero idea why but since my inspiration is not going towards my published on going stories, I decided to be writing things and posting them, to not lose the fun. ENJOY!

warnings: emotional eating(? mostly like binge behaviour but not like BED.

DON'T FORGET YOUR DAILY CLICK

You were running behind her trying to catch up to her but her steps were firm, and by the way she walked, you knew she was truly angry. You had messed up this time.

All your friends stayed in the bar after the scene you caused ¿Was it truly all you though? That girl was too close to Ellie, giggling, touching her arm, whispering things in her ear and you had to watch that from the other side of the table, having to endure the occasional glances from your friends. They were seeing it too but there was no way they were going to say anything, they just wanted to know if you were okay with what was happening.

How could you be? Why was Ellie letting that happen? Why was she smiling too? Her face was slightly red, you wanted to assume that it was the alcohol and not the words that were mutter in her ear by the girl, a pretty one… No, you couldn’t stay calm, not when it felt as if you were the one who didn’t belong. So when you stood up and your drink was emptied on the girls’s head, everyone gasped.

She screamed calling you ‘crazy bitch’, Jesse had to hold you to not jump over the table and show her how crazy you could be. Ellie grabbed your arm, dragging you outside of the bar, you were still screaming harmful things to her.

The cold breeze of the winter hit your hot face but you were fuming and you would’ve have kept screaming if it wasn’t for the demanding tone on Ellie’s voice telling you that it was enough, that’s how you were now running towards her. She stopped her walk and turn around, making you stop to and catch your breath.

There was a big gap between you two in that alley that you two end up with only some lamppost with low lights, she scoffed “You always want way too much. If I even look away for a sec, It’s like my brain’s on fire, you are way too intense, but you did there was just embarrassing, not only for me but for you, I hope you are aware of that”

You bit your lip, nodding slowly, trying to hold your tears while she was looking down at you. You had words stuck on your throat waiting to be thrown up, all your feelings, your mind was sending them as if it was keyboard smashing but when you opened your mouth only three words came out “Yes, I’m sorry”

“I bet you are” She simply said turning around and start to walk away again, leaving you there, cold hugging your bones making you shiver as you saw her vanished in the shadows of the night. The lights started flickering which made you come back from your little trance, swiping the drops that escaped your eyes.

You started walking opposite direction of her, not back to your friends, you couldn’t bear the humiliation that you brought by ‘‘overreacting’’ and if you saw that girl again you would not hesitate to break all her bones even if the rage had left your body after the glacial words of Ellie. The green neon lights of some 24h store made you enter it without saying hello, straight to grab a basket and fill it with a lot of sweets, not even caring about the price.

It look tasty? In. It had chocolate? In. Was it sweet chestnut red bean jelly? One of Ellie’s favourites, you had to have it in your stomach, maybe it would reach your heart and it would feel complete since Ellie liked the candy. You’ve watched her devour them throughout your relationship, maybe this would devour your heart the same way she was doing and make it explode because of all the sugar.

The walk to you house was entertaining as you chew slowly the fifth chocolate bar, this one had prunes in it, which made you gag a little bit, but you still ate it. It was gross but sweet at the same time, like a toxic relationship, like yours with Ellie ¿Right? Your relationship was addictive like chocolate but prudes came along and made it gross.

¿What were you doing? Comparing your relationship with food was stupid but as you enter your home, kicking off your shoes and sitting on the floor with your back resting on the couch, your thighs touching your chest and your mouth wide open while throwing half bag of acid candy inside of it. Your eye twitched, your mouth got out of your mouth involuntary and instant regret filled your facial expression but you laughed it off watching your reflect in the TV.

The memories when Ellie and you made stupid mistakes that later on would become in little stories that made you laugh when in the moment of the heat, it made you both cry, be mad, storm off the room but the moment your eyes met again it was all hugs, kisses and little ‘I’m sorry, I love you’. Thinking about that while you opened the cream buns and started munching one by one.

You bought two packs that came with three buns each, so you end up eating six buns. Your stomach was starting to feel weird and it made you feel nauseous but your mind was pushing you to keep eating, there was a void to fill and nothing you were eating seemed to satisfy the need, you were getting more desperate as the salty taste of your tears mix with the sweetness of the strawberry puffs.

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of speaking your mind when the confrontation comes, things would be different but you were so scared that your words would drive her away that you just kept silent and apologized seconds later after your mistake, even if it wasn’t your fault, even if it irritated Ellie that you never spoke your mind, you just bottled up and exploded later on overdoing it. The thing was, that she knew what stuff made you act up and she still do them to get any reaction from you.

Tonight was not the first interaction Ellie had with the girl, all those other hangouts she clung on her as if she was the girlfriend and not you, pushing you away or sitting besides Ellie before you could, etc. You kept silent, swallowing all your thoughts, creating a pot of full venom on your stomach that you blurred out this night.

¿Why Ellie wanted to push you to show that she was yours? She should’ve created space between them two too. You sighed, you should’ve told her that, you needed to start communicating much better, stop eating your feeling and making you sick for days.

You look at the deflated plastic bag, anxiety running through your body ¿There was nothing left? ¿You ate everything? That was impossible, you needed to replace what was missing in your heart. You grabbed the bag upside down, shaking it until a red plastic envelope fall… the sweet chestnut red bean jelly, the last candy.

You wanted to eat it slowly, you were chewing and swallowing, barely feeling what was entering your belly, but this one? You had to. You took a small bite and started chewing slowly, feeling the soft jellied texture of it with the right level of sweetness letting the red bean flavour shine with its earthy taste and a hint of nuttiness.

Ellie’s face while eating it appeared in your head, a big smile, her cheeks full of it and begging you to try it, which you’ve never did, always thinking that it was a weird combination of flavours. The shine in her green eyes whenever she could find them in any store, buying at least three pack, the time she wanted to dye her auburn hair the same red as the bean jelly but you talked her out of it, the day she tried to bake it and almost got intoxicated…

The candy was halfway done. You looked at your phone, it’s been hours since you two went different directions ¿Did she arrived okay at home? Did she turn around and try to come back at you? ¿Did she go back to the bar? It did not matter, you missed her, you wanted to talk to her, you both needed that to go to sleep, you knew it. She was not going to call first, she was stubborn, so it was in your sweaty hands as you dialled her number.

��

…

She picked up, you could hear her breath, no words. You wanted to be firmed, not cold but neutral, one ‘We have to talk, be matured about this, communication’ and that was it, but maybe because of how sticky the jelly was around your tongue, your next words were completely different:

“So, I have half a red bean jelly and I know how much you liked them, I was thinking that maybe I could save it for later but It would go bad, Can I go to your house and give it to you?”

You facepalmed yourself mentally, closing your eyes and letting your head rest in the couch seat, looking at the ceiling, repeating the word ‘stupid’ all over without making a sound. Ellie clicked her tongue and you heard the zip of something and the sound of some keys.

“I’m on my way” She said ending the call, your eyes almost popped looking at your phone’s screen. Your tired body suddenly was hit with an energy boost, you stood up and looked at the floor full of packages of sweets, you looked at yourself in the mirror, you looked like a disaster.

The way you cleaned everything and still had time to cleaned up yourself a little bit made you think that maybe you acquired a new power, you were sure it had a name…

Knock, Knock. There she was, you don’t needed to check, you knew it because of the way your heart jumped pushing you towards the door, opening it and letting her in.

As she walked in, her eyes not even checking you, your body felt weak but excited at the same time. You were more than ready to speak your mind, you were so ready that the word you were searching before came through your mind.

Sugar Rush.

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