#still the optimistic lovable fool after all this time

[redrobin-detective]

you want a revelation, some kind of resolution

Well this was one shitty creek of a situation he was knee deep in. Not that Jason tended to expect any better from the dumpster of his second life.

“Boss, what do we do?” Petey asked, his voice higher and squeakier than normal with fear. “We got Bats coverin’ us from all sides.”

“Just keep cool, I know how to take care of Bats,” Jason growled out trying to keep his skittish gang in line. Though it really wasn’t much of a gang at this point, since Jay had offed most of the major players and their associates. Right now the Red Hood Gang was just a bunch of snot nosed kids with issues, anger and whole lot to prove. That included their boss. 

“We got a bunch of ammo here, none of it armor piercing but it should provide enough cover for you and the youngins to scram,” Tristan said. He was actually the oldest of them all at 26. Jay didn’t want to admit how hard it was to resist the urge to fall in step behind him. He’d mentioned once he had 3 younger siblings, sometimes talking to him made Jason think of better times with Dick...

“I told you we were doing too much, too fast,” Marco spat as he hastily loaded up empty pistol magazines. “Now we got the whole goddamn Bat Circus waiting to pounce on us.”

“Nah, it ain’t the body count they’re pissed about,” Jason mumbled to himself as he did his own double checks and loosened himself up for brawl. 

Alf had helped him with his 8th Grade production of Macbeth, he’d played Banquo, and had told him to find the happy middle ground of drama, between dull and maudlin. In his grand revenge scheme of leveraging his memory to hurt Bruce, he’d definitely overshot the mark and gotten everyone’s blood up. Hence this very aggressive show of force of trapping them in their current safe house. Only something about this whole thing wasn’t right.

“What I want to know,” Jason, Hood, said as the hairs on the back of his neck tingled. “Is why we’ve had Bats on our ass for 8 whole minutes and not one of them has made an appearance.”

“Maybe they’re already in here, hiding y’know like they do,” Mikey piped up.

“No, I’d know,” Hood responded purposefully enigmatically as he tried to pinpoint what was throwing him off. Something was different. Something was wrong and he couldn’t say what... There was a polite but insistent knock on the entrance of the warehouse.

“They’re knocking?” Big Mike, completely separate from Mikey, gaped incredulously. Everyone else drew their weapons onto the entrance while Jason concentrated on the sounds of warehouse, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He heard the near silent creaks of footsteps on the roof but no one was using the distraction to break in. Had Bruce changed up his MO that much while Jay had been gone?

“Let me in, dipshit, it’s cold out here,” a voice came from the other side of the door. “You got a choice between me and a whole lot of angry Bats. Trust me, I’m prettier.”

“Fuck,” Jason swore, lowering his weapon as he thought about how to get out of this situation. He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready for this. “Back up gents, weapons up but if you fire the next shot is in your skull, capisce?” Behind his hood, he pursed his lips and glared at the closed door. “Doors open,” he called. “No Bats, just you.”

The door was opened casually, like their guest was walking into a party instead of a den of murders and thieves. He stepped with no trace of discomfort, opening and closing the door with his foot while his thumbs were looped through the beltloop of his jeans. Blue eyes scanned the area, his face was neutral but calculating as he took in Jay and his men. God his face...

“Hood,” the man nodded at him then the guys, “Gentlemen. How’s it going?” 

“He’s just a brat, lets ice him,” Booker growled, aggressively posturing with his pistol. The man eyed Booker with an amused half smirk, not moving from his comfortable slouch. He didn’t need to, all he had to do was open his mouth.

“Fucking cool it, that brat can take down Superman,” Jason hissed. His weapon was still deliberately pointed down at the floor. He was having trouble keeping eye contact with his former best friend, no way was he gonna aim a gun at him. “So the Bat realized he and his child soldiers couldn’t take me alone so he called in the big guns, huh?”

“Nice to see you too, Hood,” Billy Batson, grinned with too many teeth to mean it as anything but a threat. “And no, your Dad got a location on you and ditched the weekly early. Didn’t realize I followed till he about to break in. I convinced him to stay outside for a minute while we talked, like old times.”

“Batman’s your dad?” Petey squawked, lowering his weapon to gape over at Jason. The others guys mumbled amongst themselves while Jay just growled at Bill’s small, shit eating grin. Damn bastard knew he had all the cards which was why he was here in his human body and not as the big guy. Hell of a lot easier to shoot at an invulnerable god then his best friend in a beaten leather jacket.

“I’m adopted, not that it made much difference in the end,” Bill’s smile slipped a bit. “What do you want, B?”

“I want you,” Bill stated. “If your guys put down their weapons, I can keep the Bats off them long enough to let them escape but only if you come with me.”

“And why the fuck would I go with you?” Jay asked through gritted teeth. As if he didn’t drive to Fawcett after every major fight with Bruce. As if hadn’t felt completely safe flying high in the sky in Marvel’s arms. As if Bill wasn’t the last person he talked to before he left Gotham for the last time, a lifetime ago...

Bill’s eyes, a faded sky blue with little streaks of gold and brown in them, glared back at hood. Once upon a time, they’d had similar blue eyes but now Jason’s eyes were more green than blue. Just another thing separating them.

“Because I had to skip dinner hunting down your ass so you owe me.” Looking like an overconfident ass, and just a tiny bit cool, Bill walked past them and opened the back door. “Boys, weapons down and you’re free to go. Hood, grab your coat, it’s cold out and I’m way too pissed at you to be your cuddle buddy.”

XxX

Bill tried not to stare at Jason sitting across the table but it was hard. He’d missed his friend so much, wasted so much grief wanting him back even for a moment. And yet what was supposed to be a joyous moment was spoiled by the boiling anger he was barely keeping a lid on. Instead, he stared intently into his coffee as he stirred in more cream while Jason looked intently at the menu.

“It’s funny you’re studying that so hard when we both know you’re ordering a chili dog,” Bill said impatiently when he grew tired of the tense silence. Even Atlas’ stamina wore out at some point. Jay flipped the menu down and sneered at him and god for a moment it felt like old times. Except Jason was older, he had new scars Bill didn’t recognize and old ones that were simply gone. His hair had gone partially grey and his eyes were different but the freckles on his nose wrinkled the same way they always did when he was annoyed.

“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought, short stack,” Jay sniped back. He had one arm stretched over the back of their booth and his legs sprawled out but there was a tenseness that said he was ready to run at a moment’s notice. Like he no longer trusted Bill anymore.

“Sorry I don’t look like a linebacker on venom,” Bill countered. Jay had always been a bit taller than him but not by much. But whatever had happened to him (the Pit Bruce had, he didn’t want to think about how much that had hurt) it took away all evidence of Jay’s rough childhood living. Bill, on the other hand, was still scrawny, his height small and his immune system shit. 

“You boys ready to order?” Their waitress, Marcy, asked with a gentle smile. 

“Yes Ma’am, I’ll have some of your 24 hr breakfast with a ham and cheese omelet extra cheese and home fries. Jay?” 

“2 Chili dogs,” he grumbled, handing over the menu even as Bill hid his smile in his coffee cup. “How’d you get B off my ass?”

“I work alongside him on the team. He knows when to push me and when not to, he knows that he owes me,” Bill replied with a shrug before setting his coffee down. “Jason,” he sighed, “what the hell are you doing?”

“Oh shove off with your holier than thou shit,” Jay growled, turning to face out the window. They both knew that Bruce and most likely the others were casing the place but, for now, they were out of sight. “You don’t know what I’ve been through, what that man did to-”

“Then maybe you should tell me,” Bill frowned, gripping his cup. “Maybe instead of announcing your return with a duffle bag of heads you could’ve come to us and we’d have helped you get your shit together.”

“B-”

“Almost broke when you died,” Bill cut him off. “Jay I don’t know what you think happened but we almost lost him. If it weren’t for Tim,” Jason’s eyes turned menacingly dark so Bill diverted. “Jesus Jay, I took a leave of absence for almost a month. I never had many friends, losing you, it was like the world dropped out underneath me.”

“Yeah, well you recovered real well,” Jason huffed, leaning over the table to clench and unclench his fists. “Everyone moved on.”

“Did you think the whole world would stop for you?” Bill accused with a scoff. “Grow up, it may have felt like my world died but there were still villains to be foiled, civilians who needed saving. We moved on because the only other option was to dig a grave right next to yours. God knows Bruce did his damndest to do just that.”

“Here ya go, loves, give me a shout if you need anything else,” Marcy said, depositing their meals. Despite having had food security and his own money in his pocket for years, the sight of a full plate before him still gave his heart a little skip. He wondered if Jay remembered the feeling or if he’d forgotten that too.

“Whatever, you don’t get it so I don’t want to talk about it,” Jay grumbled, hunching over and biting into his hotdog. “The fuck you been up to, outside of capes?”

“Got my GED because the League of Babysitters were breathing down my neck. I do odd jobs here and there, whatever I can get with flexible hours. I’m thinking of doing online classes at Fawcett CC to get my degree in social work.” Jason paused for a moment before continuing to devour his dog. Bill, who learned better manners on the streets, ate like a normal human being. 

“You’d be good at that,” Jay said as he polished off the first hotdog. “I thought I might do that, back in the day.”

“I know, we talked about it,” Bill nodded, “can’t say I wasn’t thinking about that when I started filling out applications. There’s a memorial case for Robin in the Cave, a Library in Gotham named after Bruce Wayne’s son but I wanted the memory of Jay, my idiot friend, to carry on too.”

“Bill,” Jay heaved out a heavy sigh. “Why am I here?”

“In this diner? on this side of the veil?” Bill questioned, “can’t really answer the second one but as for the former, maybe I just wanted to watch my best friend make a slobbery mess out of chili dogs again.”

“I ain’t your best friend,” Jason said grabbing his second hotdog.

“Fuck you, yes you are. You never stopped being my best friend which why I’m so mad I could scream at you for the shit you pulled. I can see being mad at the world, I can even see why you’re mad at Bruce but me, Jay?” he asked, not disguising his hurt. “I had to hear about you coming back from a League debrief as Marvel. Had to go a whole shift being calm and composed before I could change back and completely fall apart.”

“The hell was I supposed to say?” Jay asked a bit too loudly. Marcy glanced over at them from across the diner. “I’m not, fuck, I’m not that snot nosed kid anymore who thought being a hero gave him magic. He died and I’m the one who crawled into his carcass and came back. Those times we had were good but they’re gone.”

“Well that’s up for me to decide, isn’t it?” Bill said with a bite of his potatoes. “So as your former and current best friend, it is my duty to tell you that you need to get your head out of your ass. Stop doing stupid shit to piss people off and do things that will actually help you because you know what? I’m not the same person you left either. You’re not special, you’re just as mortal as the rest of us.”

“Says you,” Jason snorted. He reached over and grabbed Bill’s coffee and took a swig. “You still take your crap coffee the same, drowned in cream with not a drop of sugar.”

“And you still can’t buy your own coffee and order it how you want,” Bill said with a smile, stealing it back. The atmosphere was good, calm and silent as they finished their dinners

“I’m not going back with B,” Jason said quietly. 

“I figured,” Bill nodded as he signaled Marcy for the check.

“And I’m not stopping what I’m doing in Gotham, cleaning out the filth the way Batman never could,” Jay growled resolutely.

“I don’t agree with your methods, never will. I won’t be complicit to your demons but I will be your friend. Just think about what it is you want, Jay, that’s all I ask. Oh and keep in contact this time, asshole,” he scribbled his address and phone number on one of the napkins. “Come by anytime but leave the hood at home or you’ll have to deal with the other guy.”

“Shit you’re tougher than him any day,” Jason said, shoving the napkin roughly in his jacket before standing up. “It’s been - Good to see you again, Bill. I missed you.” He stuck out a fist which Bill bumped in return.

“Not as much as I missed you. Take care of yourself, Jason and try to imagine my disappointed face next time you think about killing someone.” 

“Won’t need to imagine, I’ll see it myself when I come to check out your digs. Now I gotta avoid a whole host of flying rodents, see ya,” he said with a lazy, backward wave as he left via the back entrance. Feeling full and content, Bill waited patiently for the check.

“Oh baby, you’re all settled up,” Marcy said as she swung by the table. “Your friend gave me a 50 while I was seating you.” She chuckled and refilled his coffee. “Stay as long as you like and if I were you, I’d keep that friend. He’s a good one.”

“Don’t I know it,” Bill cheered, raising his mug in appreciation as he sipped the hot coffee. It was starting to rain outside but Bill was in no hurry to leave. So he sat at his booth and enjoyed his second cup while basking in the glow of a right wronged. No matter how far astray he went, Jay was still Jay. Bill didn’t need the Wisdom of Solomon to tell him that he just had to wait for Jason to come around. 

#billy batson #jason todd #wow ok wow this just came out #i swear I was just gonna do the gang confrontation #i couldnt get Jason warning his members that some skinny brat could defaet superman out of my head #and then there were feelings! #at some point it dribbles bc I let my mind go blank and just started typing #just let the characters tell me what to say #i still have special feelings about Jay and Billy's friendship #and how Jay coming back affects it #Bill never can and never will agree but he can see the grey and still be there for Jay #still the optimistic lovable fool after all this time #adult billy also gives me feels #like fuck yeah that kid deserves to grow up and not feel so scared and unable to save himself #he pulled himself up and he'll drag Jason to his redemption by his hair if he has to #i have so many emotions Im going to lie in the rain and die see ya #oh title is from No Light No Light by florence + the machine #every lyric is so post resurrection jay and billy i could scream

[angelsleepinggurl]

𝐒𝟏: 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟏 | 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓: 𝘕𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘪 𝘒𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

As a young woman  who has spent a good portion of her work years at home, you were tired. After all,being cooped up in your apartment all day, wearing the same optimistic smile on your face and being positive with customers even when they cuss you out; it wad hard. You needed a change.

Sometimes change is good. It can feel like diving from the edge of a cliff on a hot sumners day, into the cool depths of a lake. Other times, it feels like being on the Titanic, without a Jack, just rich people who would push you off your only chance of survival in a heart beat.

No matter how this change will impact you, whether for better or for worse, it's still needed to be done to keep you from going insane.

A soft meow can be heard around, and as you open my eyes, tou're greated by Gigi, your very lovable white cat. She stands on the table in front of you then leans in and rubs against your chin.

"Aw Gigi" You coo, hugging her agaisnt myself as well.  You wouldn't know what to do if Gigi was not there in your life, perhaps you'd crumble. "I wonder when my delivery will arrive" You ask her, looking at the clock for the time.

It's been 2 hours.

Like a miracle, the doorbell rings and a  series of repetitive knocks follow shortly after. Practically leaping out of my chair, you scramble to the front door, nearly falling every time you take a step. Once you arrive at the door and swing it open, an involuntay smile stretches ypur lips upwards, only until you're met face to face with your best friend, Naalia.

"Why are you smiling?" she deadpans before gasping. Naalia then proceeds to pounce on you with her hands wrapped around your neck, tumbling you back into the house "IS IT BECAUSE YOU MISSED ME? AWW THERE THERE Y/N-"

" GET OFF OF ME NANA!" You scream, struggling to push her hands off of you until she finally decides  to let go.

"Alright, alright jeez relax." She rolls her eyes,the both of you stand up to adjust yourselves.

"I thought you were the delivery guy." You sigh, slumping down into your sofa a remote in hand.

"What he's still not here?"

"Apparently not." Naalia and Gigi snuggle up beside you as you flick through channels on TV.

"Y/N you seem nervous,is it because of the interview?" The black haired girl asks, adjusting herself slightly to face me.

"No why would I be nervous?That's ridiculous"  Truth be told you were  actually as nervous as some middle schooler asking out her crush, but she didn't need to know that.

" Y/N you look as scared as a middle schooler about to ask her crush out, you don't fool me." Naalia responds. "Listen, even if you don't get that job, so what? You can just get another one, who's stopping you?"

You open your mouth to make a counter argument but she places a slim finger agiasnt your lips to shush you. "I don't wanna hear it you have places to be, off you go."

Reluctantly you rise to your feet, to get ready, as she shoos you upstairs. You had pretty much planned out every single step the night before, nothing was going to go wrong. Until of course the delivery guy decided not to show up, which isn't entirely helpful because the only pair of office style attire you have seems to be a size too small.

"This is fuckin great, just what I need to make my day." You groan to myself in annoyance. A couple knocks on the door can be heard.

"Come in" you shout,swiftly sitting in front of your vanity mirror to apply quick layers of mascara.

Naaila steps in and leans against the door frame, watching you get ready. Her eyes stop and arrow at the sight of your blouse. "Where did you get that from?" she takes a couple steps towards you to investigate the tight blouse.

"I don't remember where its from, all I know is now this is the only suitable thing I can wear in these disappointing circumstances."

"Woah big words" she mutters, looking around the room before picking up a pair of shoes for you. I thank her quickly and pick up my bag before rushing out the house.

"Remember being a stripper is always a good second option."Naaila shouts swinging out  of your front door as you scramble into the car.

"NAAILA!"

#jujutsu nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #fanfiction #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami x reader #kento x reader #smut #ao3 #wattpad #personal assistant

[rianzodiac]

A thank you to the signs

[thank you for all being so freaking legendary]

Aries

Aries, yous are some of the most head strong people alive, but that is you strength and why you are so admirable. Aries make the change in the world. You are assertive in your beliefs and you may not always be right, but you will always, without fail, fight for what you think is right which is what makes you truly heroic. Your charismatic personality makes you likeable and your excitable, carefree character is contagious ensuring that people always feel great around you. Your ambition and drive is heartwarming, never stop trying, the world will surely end when yous Aries give up.

Taurus

Yous are truly the fuzzy blankets of astrology: soft, comforting, reliable and everyone should have one in their lives! You guys are the warm hugs we all need when life gets tough. You are genuine and are not afraid to tell us how it is, but you won’t be mean about it, you’ll tell us what we need to hear and still be there to mop up our tears after. You are the definition of a loyal friend; you will be by our sides even as we walk through hell, just so we can fight the demons together. I would like to say a thank you to the sign we all need to hug back every once in a while.

Gemini

Geminis, yous are the life of the party, the popular, witty, outgoing icons we all love - and for good reason. Your electric personalities are enticing and addictive, you draw countless people in but your real power lies in making them stay. As soon as people have you as a friend, they hold on and never let go. You are the ray of sunshine we all need on our darkest days. You know that you may not be able to solve all of our problems and so you resort to the next best thing - distracting us and reminding us that life is for living. You reignite the love and happiness many lose in their hearts through your humour and joy of making others laugh. But there’s another, more hidden side to you, you are smart and curious of the world around you. You never stop wondering about the places and people that surround which is why you lead such stimulating conversations. Never stop educating us and making us happy, we needs you more than we ever let on.

Cancer

Not everyone can be so in touch with their emotions, only the brave have the power to do that and you manage to do it with such grace and beauty. Never let them tell you that you’re too dramatic, showing emotion is the bravest thing many of us are too scared to do. Your openness with your emotions fools many into believing you are weak, but never will they make that mistake again as you are one of the most fiercely loyal and protective friends with the kindest hearts. You know what it’s like to be hurt and never want others to suffer that way. Your experience with emotions enables you to pick up on others; trust your intuition, it serves you reliably. And along with your humble and optimistic attitude to life, you make some of the most loving people to ever walk the earth.

Leo

Leo’s are the ones you notice as soon as they walk in a room, your liveliness and contagious high energy is a huge reason so many love you and crave your vibe. Never underestimate your influence as you have the ability to change the atmosphere of a room just with your presence. Your passion for what you love is admirable and your bravery when facing the world makes you one of the most inspiring signs of whom we could all learn a lesson from. They say you’re confident and you have every right to be, stay strong our powerful little lions.

Virgo

Virgos, you strive for an excellence that many never thought possible. Your complete faith in what can be accomplished enables you to emerge victorious in anything you set your mind to. Your work ethic is motivational, whenever you do something, you fully commit to it which is why the rest of us know we can always rely on you. Your organisational skill are enviable and that’s why you’re probably known as the parent of the group, you are on point at planning group days out. Your forward thinking is why many of the gestures you make, even if you don’t think they are, are incredibly thoughtful and appreciated more than you will ever know. So thank you Virgos because without you, we’d never get anything done and our lives would be filled with a lot less surprises.

Libra

Libras, yous are the sign that can get along with anyone. Your adverse reaction to conflict is perhaps what makes you so lovable and why everyone enjoys to be around you. You’re always tactful and diplomatic which highlights your immense strength as not everyone can contain themselves as well as you, especially when faced with tension. You are the sign that is a friend to all and makes sure no one is left alone. Never mistake your easy going and peaceful manner for being submissive for your ability to thrive with all is what makes your character so powerful. You play such a vital role in the world, you are the glue that holds so many relationships, families and friendships together, and don’t you forget it. We all turn to you when we need a friend we can trust so thanks for being there.

Scorpio

Hello the fearless warriors of the zodiac. The absolute determination and perseverance you have when approaching anything and everything is a testament to your power as you really can do anything you set your mind to. You’re clever and that gives you the skill set to complete any goal and challenges that come your way. You come off as mysterious, use that to your advantage, everyone loves a good mystery. Just as you are powerful and strong, you are also selfless and caring, you always seem to put others before you. Your life is full of altruistic acts, and as much as we always admit it sometimes, we love you for it.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius, you are the spark that never dulls. You teach us all to approach life with a true ‘go get it’ attitude and you will never lead a boring life because of it. Your wild but friendly nature makes you so much fun to be around. You are the friends to take us out on a late night expedition to the beach just for the fun of it. Your truthfulness is also greatly appreciated and your judgment is trusted fully. You are the friends who push us out of our comfort zone and change us and make us great. Thank you Sagittarius’ for being the best, most fun and courageous and wild, version of ourselves.

Capricorn

Capricorn’s are the workers. You are the people who have already or will achieve greatness in the world. You’re ambitious which allows you to set high goals for yourself and that, mixed with your discipline, often sees these plans set into motion. The practical side of you knows your capabilities and what is possible which makes you an effective leader as you have found the perfect balance of promoting hard work but whilst not overwhelming others with pressure; that along with your charismatic way with people makes you rather persuasive, you hold more influence that you believe. You do tend to place high standards for yourself to live up to, but you needn’t, your hard working and diligent nature enables you to achieve success because of who you are. Maybe you don’t realise how extraordinary you are - you are capable of completing tremendous feats, we see it everyday, it’s time you did too.

Aquarius

You’re the people that get people thinking. Whether it be your new look, your new view on a topic or your interactions with others - people will be left with you on their mind for a while. Your courage to be who you really are in a world that isn’t always accepting is admirable. You remind us that we should never have to live up to anyone’s expectations but our own. Your mind works both creatively but also analytically which means anything you create has a deeper meaning and any solution you have come up with is innovative and ‘out of the box’. Though typically considered ‘lone wolves’, you serve people with the purest spirit and care about mankind more than we deserve. Thanks for being the hand to pull us up.

Pisces

Pisces. You remind the world what it is to dream, to create, to love without expectation or applause or recognition. You teach us to express our truest self in a world where that can be frowned upon. You’re wise beyond your years and seem to be born with knowledge of people. Your compassion to everyone you meet reflects your pure, selfless spirit. Your gentle nature reminds everyone that it’s okay to be soft every once in a while but the utter bravery embedded in everything you do inspires us to be tough also. Pisces, you sometimes are a walking contradiction, but of the best sort, you are the soft fur of the wolf but also the forbidding warning of the teeth. Pisces, you teach the world that’s it’s okay not to know entirely who you are, but to express who you feel you are, so please Pisces continue to create, to inspire, to live for us all to follow in your footsteps.

#astrology #12 zodiacs #zodiac #aesthetic #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #thanks guys #thank you #writing #beautiful words

[dwestfieldblog]

A VERY REMOTE ENGLISH TEACHER

Where meditations, rants, reverie and absent seizures cross over... closer to one gun with one bullet, the rose of ruby and the cross of gold...uff, and MENTACIDE IN THE TIME OF MASQUES. Although I have never suffered from the guilty masochistic torture of ‘pleasure anxiety’, Bacchus hath indeed drowned more men than Neptune.  So I stopped drinking for 18 days to fool myself I was doing something positive and threw away enough things to be minimalist again. Arf. Beauty and/or function uber alles.  

Been treading water for three years and trying not to drown...big round of one hand clapping for the former poet. Meanwhile, in this temporary world and perception I have created of it, I am looking at a very possible exile one way or the other...my ‘plan’...a long phased withdrawal or hasty retreat. My wish is to stay, but once I leave, it might well be very hard to return.  Read as many metaphors as you want into that but in spite of my dislike of the conservatively minded Aristotle’s ‘either/or’ nonsense, there do indeed appear to be only two this time. And appear is the operative word. Appearances can be deceptive and emotions (unless raised and focused) cloud over what should be clear. Pain has a tendency to breed worry and fear too but let’s draw a veil over that for now eh? Suppress, suppress, release comes later...breathe deep and try not to cough, onward we go where the game gets rough...Just like Tom Thumbs Blues 65.  

Remember Roman Protasevich...As Lukasenko himself said...‘Belarus stood at the edge of an abyss and I helped it take a step forward’. Look good on your tombstone that will Al. Fecking outrageous the Indian PM only admitted in May that covid was transmitted in the air. He needs removing... as do two thirds of all the other world leaders East and West. Hello Bollsanaro. People are very easy to manipulate when they’re are scared or angry...and right now the world majority are both. But, ‘there is a crack in everything... that’s how the light gets in’... and ‘things could change’, doesn’t have to be for the worse. It can take decades to realise this as actual truth, but still nice to read and try internalise the following last week.’The odds actually favour the optimists, since dissipate structures are more likely to evolve into more information rich (intelligent?) forms than into primitive or chaotic forms.’ All my friends bar my best one are optimists..Hello you:-)

Ever onward deeper downward with Orban in Hungary and his mission of ‘Christian values’, which involves a familiar routine of arresting, beating and disappearing dissenters in the name of Christ and taking over the universities to replace professors with those who understand on which side their bread is buttered. Decent judges long gone. Nice fascist communism...and ex soldiers in France and the Czech republic warning of civil war...

And now spiraling we go into the black hole vortex of Disaster capitalism, ‘Let the bodies pile high’. There’s gold in them thar ills....ISLAND PARANOIA and PERFIDIOUS ALBION! A country which demands a contract, agrees, signs to it and then refuses to honour it. We look worse than ridiculous, we look deceitful. Gentlemen, your places please. Boris Johnson is a clumsy, inept, disgraceful charlatan, con merchant and LIAR. A blustering master bullshit artist, the only decent thing about his recent secret wedding is that now he legally has one less bastard child.  

Recently I read that British people are displaying signs of Stockholm syndrome...in that they dislike those who hold power over them and make the rules but during the time of pandemic, they are the ones who will release the saviour vaccine and get everything moving again. So rather than rocking the boat and daring to express dissent at the DIABOLICAL handling of the last 18 months, they have mostly kept quiet and voted for the same endlessly failing, corrupt and venal politicians who made a bad situation far worse. (That said, it bears repeating that there are a few million in the UK who didn’t quite understand that that the spread of a highly contagious airborne virus can be slowed by the wearing of masks/applying basic hygiene and even took offence at being told what should have made sense to any adult homo SAPIENS half capable of cogitating for themselves. Morons and scum. Same where you are?

By the way BBC...the colossal dearth of stories about the endless government failures in relation to Covid, death, corruption and the NHS...ever since they blackmailed you with threats of revoking the TV licence fee and got you to change Directors has been noted. Long may Have I Got News For You continue the satire and balance needed in a DEMOCRACY. Obey your public servants? Why, when they do not serve few but themselves? Power OF the people? Which ones...the mob? The same bleating pricks who follow populists?

Four eyed beanpole fop Rees Mogg, with his wonderful line that the benefits of Brexit will be seen ‘over the next fifty years’...well yes, that is why most people vote in democratic elections eh?...So they will be dead or ancient before the change they hoped for comes...and the politicians who lead them now, will have all long moved on to revolving door chairman of the board offshore limited liability company paradise. Bread today jam tomorrow fairytales. What I tell you three times is true.  

O, but the English do so love to be told what to do by dumb posh boys who treat them like dirt. Some are forelock tugging and some are self flagellating middle class upper class wannabes who will never get there but still feel proud they are not street level proles. Doby the house elf alien hamster Michael Gove found guilty of breaking the law. Nothing. Internal inquiries run by those connected to the money changing hands find nothing illegal. Corruption for all to see...and ignore. ‘Well, what can we do?’ The uselessly inept serial failure Dido Harding to be in charge of the National Health Service? (she of the collapsed Woolworths, Talk Talk and the 22 BILLION pound loss of the Covid Track and Trace program where non working consultants/insultants, were paid 1000 pounds a day). American style privatisation is coming where only the wealthy or criminal can afford to be repaired and well. Sick.  

Meanwhile, All our imported nurses out, and all the lobster red fat Spanish costa de la sol criminals back in. Great exchange, fair trade and forward thinking. The Kremlin are manipulating/supporting Scottish independence... I read years ago about their base in Edinburgh for Russia Today (the foul insert in The Daily Telegraph) and they were already encouraging it. Rees Smug has accelerated and supported their freedom with his snobbish utterances on countries in the UK other than England and their ‘foreign languages’. With every patronising, arrogant pronouncement, the Eton trifles fuel the fire in Scotland which has a long bitter history of being tortured, murdered and subjugated by their southern masters. Perhaps the chumocracy in Downing Street believe the Celts to be as easily cowed as the middle and working classes down south. Here’s hoping not. ‘Rebellious Scots to crush’? Not this time pal.

As for the future of Britain? A dystopian open prison where the lower social classes toil only at the pleasure of their masters. The higher caste getting richer and all others cast into a living Hell of debt, crime, and sickness. Serve until you die and be thankful we allow you to exist. Increasing in utter irrelevance to the world, other than as an example of how wrong a former democracy can go. This future started decades ago...its baobab roots truly deep now. Better education and critical thinking for the masses in the UK (or anywhere else) is highly unlikely now. Optimism huh? As long as I am not in England, I will still be able to tap into it, but once enclosed long term in the group mind there...trapped in a grey quagmire. Keep smiling...

Several weeks ago, I watched a video on YT of apparently English protestors running after the police in London, some attacking and throwing things, one pulling off the pandemic mask of an officer and all shouting abuse at the outnumbered cops who had to keep pulling back. As always, to get my caffeine rush of fury going, I read the comments and was surprised to see two or three from Chinese names. Almost all comments were against the government (fair enough) and dumb against the lock down, masks, vaccinations etc. Checking again, I saw the video had been posted by CGTN...a media company owned and run by the communist party in Beijing...and not one author of diatribes had mentioned this, nor speculated with a critical thought as to why such an organisation might enjoy turning people against their own democratically elected government (however mind rippingly foul and corrupt they are).

I copy pasted the Wikipedia paragraph about the company onto the page and hoped someone else would make the connection. I wouldn’t mind so much IF there were a credible and decent alternative other than the diseased populist poison for which the demonstrating goons chant. China really cares about the standard of democracy in Britain eh? Persuade your enemies to weaken themselves. Destroying countries by encouraging their ‘patriots’.

(That was written on the anniversary of Tienanmen Square...a few days later Xi Jinping gave a speech saying ‘...a lovable and respectable’ China must be presented to the world and must ‘expand its circle of friends’. Tell that to your teenage ‘dissidents’, Muslims, Falun Gong and Tibetans being tortured and brainwashed in prisons or being used for organ harvesting. Tell it to Hong Kong and Taiwan.) 

Unholy America...against abortion and the pill, sex education’s not Gods will and in the Name of Christ they kill...if truth be known, we’ve failed the test...but Jesus was a Socialist and Republican conservatives hate them. The founding fathers of America were Very clear about separation of church and state with damn good Reason. Another part time Christian, Mike Pompeo wants to be president. Q Onan deepstorm morons/Kremlin stool pigeons aka POLEZNYYE IDIOTY continue to push for Trump and his Big Lie...He with the brain where ‘In the left, nothing is right and in the right, nothing’s left.’ Arf.

Over the last two decades, the dumb have been finding their voice and are now louder and prouder of their dumbass ignorance. 74 million in the US alone, their egos unable to retreat in the face of endless evidence to the contrary, they all double down. Like children sticking their fingers in their grimy ears sing songing ‘la la la can’t hear you’. 74 million versions of Eric Cartman, loud, proud and wrong. And uuff, Megan Markle,  Majorie Taylor Greene, walking Picasso collage (bad car driver) Caitlin Jenner and Ivana Trump in politics...not exactly holding a proud lantern for women eh? I’d like to buy them for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth. Not very PC?  

That was the point. Could easily been written about all of the men written about here too. Next examples follow...

Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones compete for who can be as mentally ill as trump. The Miami school where the husband and wife directors told teachers not to return if they had HAD their vaccine shots because their proximity to students was interfering with menstrual cycles and uuuufff...The sickness of utter mind buggering stupidity. I had my first shot, now waiting to turn reptilian when the 5G masts triangulate my position. Fnord. Covid appears to be killing more overweight meat eating males than females...perhaps testosterone is not useful for the coming Race of non binary mutant hermaphrodites...and look out for the end of the Y chromosome, coming to a temporary universe near you...in 4.6 million years. Yes, really.  

Glad Netanyahu is out at last, smug corruption is never a good look unless one is a rich criminal. Ha.  The Promised land of Israel...If I was in court for serial murder, breaking, entering and stealing and then defended my actions by saying that God had told me to do it, would the Judge; A. Call for a psychiatric report, B. Disregard the statement as unprovable and pass the appropriate sentence, C, say Ok mate, you’re free to go, good luck to you. ? Moses had a good schtick.

The law is only to punish the poor, do you feel as if you suffer from empathy? Once you know, you no longer need to believe. What does ‘reality’ seem to be? The more certain you are, the stupider you get and belief is the death of intelligence. The machine is running the engineers. What is the definition of rationality...the quality of being based on or in accordance with reason or logic. 

Nothing is, but thinking makes it so. Epicurus.  

EVERYTHING NOT COMPULSORY IS FORBIDDEN.

The glamour illusion of the mass of pointless hot influencers needs a constant renewing of the Banishing Ritual as much as all the pigslop bile coming from Fox News and Sky. Bloody long haired commie liberal faggot they cry against any not identical to them. Some days I have only flamethrowers of hatred for these idiots. Other days...not exactly self doubt, just questions...most of us seem to believe our opinions are more valid when there are emotions connected to them. Including me. Again, this seems like a very weak version of ‘truth’, unless disciplined, channeled and focused to a certain end.

Life appears to exist in order to become via chaos.

Most of us are working only not to be homeless, some because of the joy in our chosen work regardless of finances. Until ‘reality’ kicks in the door...the bondage gets tighter when you struggle. How much hardship is the individual willing to endure these days by choice? Surrounded by a universe of distraction and destruction, Maya mewling for our attention. Five years of Trump, rampant populism and Brexit doing a Hexagram 23 on democracy, compounded by the pandemic...all on top of ‘normal’ daily life. The ego feeds and the immune system breaks down. Hard to ignore without being on a mountain or in a parallel dimension and emotion free other than compassion. But BY GODDESS IT CAN AND WILL BE DONE. Ladies of Life Nin Khursag, Isis, Kali, Aradia...Love one, Love ALL. At very least have respect for thyself but be not thou proud of thine arrogance nor thy suffering.  

Or just Remember where you came from, what you were, seem to be and will become.

Heal, heal, more work to do, more love to give, more love to feel, Heal. Stay in drugs, eat your school and don’t do vegetables. Impose your own reality upon and through yourself, breathe, exhale, repeat, and continue, LOVE UNDER WILL. Experience and absorb but ‘It’s a house of tricks, ignore the world’’.

Stay well, be seeing you:-)

[circe-poetica]

Natal Venus Neptune aspects

All Venus-Neptune aspects in the natal chart point to a movement towards spiritualizing the love nature. This comes naturally to those people with Venus-Neptune conjunct, sextile, and trine. It can be an ongoing struggle for people with Venus-Neptune square, opposition, semi-square, sesquiquadrate, and quincunx.

Venus conjunct Neptune

Those with Venus in conjunction to Neptune in their birth chart are generally sensitive, creative, and attractive people. An impractical nature when it comes to love, money, and personal possessions is notable, even if Venus-Neptune people approach the rest of their lives in a more sensible manner. They are giving, and usually “give” more than they receive in close personal relationships, ready to make sacrifices for the one they love, generally loyal, and exceedingly kind-hearted. Sentimental and compassionate, natives with Venus conjunct Neptune are easily touched by others’ kindness, music, poetry, dance, and most any art that evokes emotion. Some might say they are gullible in love, as they are inclined to forgive easily and trust that others are as good-hearted as they are. They may attract people who take advantage of their giving nature, or who elude commitment, or who are troubled or needy.

As ready as they are to forgive, they are also easily hurt, and even shocked, in matters of the heart. They dislike crude, rude, and crass behavior and situations. Still, they are drawn to love relationships like moth to flame. Their imaginations and fantasy worlds are rich, and Venus-Neptune people believe that there is something out there for them, even after disappointments. There’s an ethereal or mysterious quality to them that is subtly seductive and very attractive. As loving as they are, there is an ethereal and universal quality to their love that keeps them oddly out of reach, yearning for something magical and ideal, that can make their lovers feel strangely excluded–their love almost borders on impersonal. These very creative people are often artists.

Alternate Interpretations:

^Love is the force that shapes and sustains your life with Venus conjunct Neptune. Your romantic nature inspires you to believe in the ultimate possibilities of love, and you may have very definitive fantasies about loving. When you’re in love, your compassion knows no bounds. You may feel that you could sacrifice anything for the man you love, and sometimes do. Yearning for a soul mate, you expect the same high ideals from your partner, although you may not always find them. Your emotional boundaries can be quite flexible, which allows you to feel what others are feeling, but which can also be confusing when you’re trying to determine what’s going on with you individually. You may not always feel confident taking the initiative in love, and may spend more time fantasizing about possibilities than you spend acting on your desires. You need a love which honors your spirituality and sensitivity, and need to safeguard against falling into situations which would abuse your kindhearted care and concern. From the Astrology Profile for Women report.

*You are very romantic, idealistic, and imaginative about love. You yearn for your “true love” or “soul mate” and may become disappointed in others who never quite live up to your dream image of the perfect lover. You frequently fantasize about love and often fall in love with someone you can only love from afar. You may avoid making a definite personal commitment. Gentle and sensitive, you do not like to be approached in a very direct or aggressive manner. You are attracted to those with artistic or mystical inclinations.

#You tend to fool yourself where change is concerned. Thus, you are able to drift into and out of spiritual grace without even knowing it. Don’t mistake erotic dreams for the energy of tantra, and distinguish your personal desires from the teaching itself. From the Your Spiritual Path report.

Some Famous People with Venus conjunct Neptune: Kirk Cameron (Venus conjunct Neptune in Scorpio), Pierre Cardin (Venus conjunct Neptune in Leo), Diahann Caroll (Venus conjunct Neptune in Virgo), Jimmy Carter (Venus conjunct Neptune in Leo), Paul Cezanne (Venus conjunct Neptune in Aquarius), Bill Clinton (Venus conjunct Neptune and Mars in Libra), Bo Derek (Venus in late Libra conjunct Neptune in early Scorpio), Jodie Foster (Venus conjunct Neptune in Scorpio), Sophia Loren (Venus conjunct Neptune in Virgo), Robert Redford (Venus conjunct Neptune in Virgo), Christopher Reeve (Venus conjunct Neptune in Libra), Meg Ryan (Venus conjunct Neptune in Scorpio), Cheryl Tiegs (Venus conjunct Neptune in Libra), Barbara Walters (Venus in late Leo conjunct Neptune in early Virgo).

Venus square or opposition Neptune

This aspect indicates a suggestible romantic nature. Being “in love with love” is a strong possibility. Natives with hard Venus-Neptune aspects are naturally compassionate and are generally willing to go over the top for a loved one. It’s hard to say whether their expectations in personal relationships are too high or too low. On the one hand, they tend to easily accept behaviors in their partners that others wouldn’t accept, as they are compassionate and even drawn to people who others might consider trouble. On the other hand, their romantic dreams may be so powerful that they are easily disappointed with the reality of relationships. Deception in love is possible, but self-deception is even more likely. In love, they see what they want to see, rather than what is. Feelings of being used or deceived may come up for these people more than for most. However, if a distinct pattern exists in their love lives that involves them being let down, deceived or used, it will be especially worthwhile to examine whether self-deception was at work.

The possibility of clinging to romantic delusions is very high with this position. For example, some with these aspects cling to a romantic notion that someone loves them when in reality that person doesn’t return the affection. Or, they may cling to a romance that has lost all hope. Another possibility is devoting their love to someone who is unattainable or who is unable to commit. Yet another Venus-Neptune scenario is loving someone who treats them badly, all the while clinging to an idealized image of the partner. No matter what the scenario, romantic yearning and longing, as well as delusion, tends to be the theme. The expectation here is that loving someone requires self-sacrifice. The result is an attraction to relationships that are co-dependent and even abusive. Venus-Neptune people are drawn to victim/savior relationships, and they can play either the role of victim or savior! Dependency or neediness in a partner can be confused for love. In an attempt to love unconditionally, they may too readily sacrifice their own needs and eventually feel used.

The challenge for these people is to truly love a partner for who he or she is, not for his or her perceived potential. Because they yearn to be loved, it can be hard for them to see that they are actually afraid of a complete, committed relationship. One symptom of this fear is loving someone for an idealized image they have of that person, as they are effectively choosing fantasy over reality. Another symptom is loving someone who is inaccessible or unattainable, as this keeps them “safe” from a true and realistic commitment. At the root of this fear is the awareness of their own vulnerability in love.

Venus rules money as well as social relationships, and a person with hard Venus-Neptune aspects can just as well lose money due to the tendency to gloss over problems. Just as they tend to ignore warning signs in personal relationships, they can let money slip through their fingers because they neglect to keep records or account for their belongings. They may have problems with “borrowing from their future” because of overly optimistic attitudes. They may continuously get the short end of the stick as they lend money to people who never pay them back, or invest in unrealistic projects.

Alternate Interpretations:

^In square aspect to Neptune, your Venusian expression takes on an otherworldly quality. Your yearning may be for that perfect lover whose spirituality, passion, purity of spirit and drive all stem from the highest possible level. Loving in such a manner would seem to remove you from the bondage of ordinary life and transport you into true bliss. Although this seems possible in fairy tales or movies, it’s really difficult to find those elements in another human being. You may also operate under the illusion that you must first sacrifice yourself before you are worthy of love. It’s all too easy to project unrealistic feelings onto your lover, and it is just as tempting to try to alter yourself to please a man so that he will love you. Whether those alterations are in your behavior, your appearance or your attitudes, if you submerge your real self beneath the illusions of what you feel will make you more lovable, you’re selling out. If you want to experience the ecstasy you dream about, you’ll surrender to a love which honors your real needs and learn to avoid situations where you become addicted, co-dependent, victimized or abused. Forgiving the shortcomings of the man you love is one thing; allowing him to deceive or victimize you is another! Know when and how to give help, but be careful of emotional rescue ventures!

^Your projections about the man you love frequently overshadow the real person with Venus in opposition to Neptune. Even though you may not want to admit it, you are more likely to see only what you want to see when you’re in love. That feeling of being transported into another world when you’re in love is actually quite accurate. But it’s not the guy who’s gotten you there all by himself – it’s the energy inside you that allows you to soar! It’s not easy to separate your dream lover from the real person standing before you. You may always project some of your own power and tenderness onto the man you love. As long as you can allow the reality of the person to emerge into your field of vision, you stand a chance of having a relationship which can truly serve both your needs. Otherwise, you may fall into the trap of delusion, deception or emotional abuse. Just because he’s the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, it may not necessarily follow that he is what you really need – or that he’s REAL for that matter! In all your attempts to become as beautiful as possible, just to make sure that the right man will be attracted to you, you can also lose yourself. You really do not have to sacrifice yourself to know love, but when your heart is filled with love, you’re willing to drop all your boundaries and merge completely. There’s a difference between a soul connection and codependency or emotional addiction. It’s drawing the line that’s difficult. By allowing for periods of privacy and contemplation, you can maintain your connection to your own inner self, which will allow you to keep your emotional boundaries reasonably intact.

Alternate, short interpretation: Venus square Neptune or Venus opposition Neptune: *You have a very romantic, idealistic vision of love and may be disillusioned to discover that no real, flesh-and-blood human being ever quite lives up to your dream image of the Perfect Love. Though you frequently fantasize about love and romance, you may avoid becoming intimately involved with anyone or making definite commitments. You can be evasive and dishonest with yourself and others, when it comes to love. Some of your love yearnings may be expressed through art, music, or an involvement with mysticism.

#Sexual relationships tend to arouse your idealistic nature and may have little foundation for a long-term relationship. Once past the initial stage of love however, your imagination fuels the flame of intense spirituality and you are capable of ecstatic insights. Mystical practices can enhance your sex life. From the Your Spiritual Path report.

Some Famous People with the Venus in Hard Aspect to Neptune: Squares – Loni Anderson, Pamela Anderson, Joan Baez, Nicolas Cage, Danny DeVito, Charles Dickens, Robert Duvall, Jane Fonda, James Joyce, Stacy Keach, Diane Keaton, Marilyn Manson, Marie Antoinette, Stevie Nicks, Al Pacino. Oppositions – Sonny Bono, Michael Bolton, Mia Farrow, Alison Moyet, Uma Thurman, Venus Williams, Debra Winger, Tammy Wynette, Jessica Simpson.

Venus sextile or trine Neptune

Romantic, creative, gentle, and adaptable, people born with Venus sextile Neptune or Venus trine Neptune naturally express the finer qualities of mysterious and dreamy Neptune in their love relationships. Their imaginations are rich and their fantasy worlds well-developed. They are turned off by rudeness and crudeness, and are drawn to beauty in its many forms. They are very giving and generous, but may be a little on the submissive side, or sometimes downright lazy, failing to take the initiative when situations call for it.

The trine aspect is the more dynamic of these two harmonious aspects. Those with the sextile can call upon these traits when needed, and those with the trine between the Venus and Neptune have incorporated the traits of the aspect into their personalities, expressing them naturally and consistently.

Alternate Interpretations:

^When you love, you love deeply and completely. With Venus in sextile aspect to Neptune, you have the capability of surrendering totally to the essence of Love. Your gentle, caring manner attracts a partner who will desire to love and protect you. You know when you’ve found your true love, because something deep inside you opens up and transports you. Although you have some tendency to hold unrealistic expectations of those you love, you do it in such a caring manner that people are surprised by apparently miraculous changes. You may know when it’s time to forgive and move on, which allows you to remain open to feelings of joy even in the midst of change. Your devotion to high ideals also plays a part in your love relationships, and you are capable of sustaining a love which originates at a very powerful level and which will last through eternity.

^Your romantic nature is enhanced through the influence of Venus in trine aspect to Neptune. When you’re in love, you create at atmosphere of magical possibilities which transport you into another dimension. Love can be a purely transcendent experience for you, since you are capable of opening your heart to a true feeling of compassion. Your gentility, creativity and artistry can be especially attractive, and when you’re involved in a loving relationship, you are comfortable sharing the secrets of your heart. Allowing love to flow as you follow its course is quite natural for you, and you will be happiest in relationships which support your sense of divine harmony. Forgiveness and acceptance keep the energy of love flowing freely. From the Astrology Profile for Women report

Venus sextile Neptune or Venus trine Neptune: makes an inspirational musician. It gives a fertile imagination and deep emotions, a nature that is pure and chaste, hence occasionally it leads to platonic unions and companionship of the most ecstatic nature. From The Message of the Stars by Max Heindel.

#Your receptive nature allows you to gather information from your surroundings through psychic osmosis. Study situations to get past the shallow mystical veneer. From the Your Spiritual Path report.

Some Famous People with Venus in Harmonious Aspect to Neptune: Sextiles – Lucille Ball, Joan Crawford, Jeremy Irons, Jesse Jackson, Geraldine Page, Gregory Peck, Peter Sellers, Donna Summer. Trines – Hans Christian Anderson, Richard Dean Anderson, Beau Bridges, Anita Bryant, Carol Burnett, e.e. cummings, Geena Davis, Bridget Fonda, Robin Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Larry King, Gladys Knight, Nick Nolte, Ivana Trump.

#venus neptune aspects #tricky #astrology #cafeastrology

[lunaraen]

“I’d rather spend Christmas with you.” with f!jesse n olivia? if that’s ok ofc,, ;v;’

There’s no perfect invention, nomachine or set-up that’s entirely foolproof or without some kind of potentialfor error. Still, an inventor strives to recognize errors and flaws, and it’stheir duty, surely as it is to create and invent at all, to twist mistakes intopositive aspects rather than detractors if and when they can’t, or shouldn’t,be removed.

Olivia’s biggest flaw is herpessimism. It’s also her biggest strength, something that’s oddly easier to seethe more confident she becomes.

Is she a flawed person?

As flawed as redstone isincredible, as flawed as the snow is beautifully cold, and as flawed as thewind is noisy and biting on frozen winter nights like this.

(Surrounded by trees but feelingfar more like she’s wandered into the tundra than a city built in the middle ofa forest, winter makes its presence known from the frost on the windows to thefading numbness where the cold had soundly nipped her nose. Olivia can, noweven more than when she arrived, understand why Lukas has been walking arounddraped in at least half a dozen blankets.

Inside is warm, but outside isn’thalf as far away as they’d all liked, loud and cold and desperately darting inwhenever the doors open and biding its time as it seeps through the windows,slow and insidious instead.)

It’s important to see and knowshe’s flawed, to acknowledge it without letting it drag her down.

It’s good at dragging, and betterat yanking down and down to a stateof trying nothing and bemoaning all, and Olivia consciously chooses to insteadlet it ground her the way some of her idols never seemed grounded.

(Olivia’s not trying to speak illof the dead and disappeared, but Soren never seemed to find himself at faultenough to make him solve the problems he caused, and Ellegaard, bright andbrilliant and amazing as she was, seemed to have a similar problem when it cameto seeing herself as infallible.

Olivia’s mostly sure there’s no long-lasting grudge bleeding into thatassessment, distantly wounded by how Ellegaard had brushed her off but notincensed the way Axel still seems to be about what he heard of their firstencounter.

Ellegaard will always be one ofher favorite heroes, someone to look up to and admire, but she’s not beingidolized by Olivia anymore, not as she once was.)

“I love Redstonia, but,well… I’d rather spend Christmas with you.” She tugs at one corner ofthe blanket wrapped around her and Jesse’s shoulders, readjusting her hotchocolate to keep it from spilling and the marshmallows from tumbling out.

It’s after a moment’s careful butvital deliberation that she ends up setting the mug down on the coffee table,close enough to grab but not as risk of being knocked over by anyone’s knee,and the next moment is just as important because she hasn’t seen Jesse inperson in weeks and she’s going to do more than just relish being able to kissher on the cheek.

Relishing the way said cheekturns pink, along with the rest of Jesse’s face, is a different but whollyrelated bonus.

“I’m sure avoiding another fancy Redstonian ball has nothing to dowith it.” Jesse’s brief, posh tone is made all the more brief by thesnicker that kills it, though Olivia’s following jab to her ribs makes sure itstays dead, replaced by a wounded but sheepish tone. “Ow.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt. I’vehad enough of fancy events and pompous people to meet this year, thanks.”Olivia turns her head, squinting over her shoulder as she tries to look pastthe thick cover of frost coating the windows to get a better, if stilldistorted, look at the many multicolored lanterns and displays on the tallerbuildings. “Beacontown celebrations seem a lot more lively.”

“Lively? I thought it wasplenty lively for you guys last year– didn’t Sandy’s machine explode?”

Olivia wants to say she doesn’twince at the reminder.

Olivia wants to lie.

“Everyone still blamesMabel– she was the closest to it, at the time.” Olivia’s chuckle is weak,faltering as she shrugs before finding a gentler smile to replace it with.“Okay, so lively isn’t the right word. I love Redstonia, I really do,but… Beacontown seems a lot more carefree, when it comes to thesethings.”

“Only because it isn’t yourcity.”

Jesse grins, all teeth andenthusiasm and put-upon exhaustion, and Olivia fears her hot chocolate’s notout of the blast radius of a tickle fight or whatever whimsical, shove-ynonsense Jesse’s going to pull.

“Oh?”

Her raised eyebrow might notprevent or protect much, but she has to try.

“I’m just saying you mightfeel different if you were the one in charge of setting up the events andcelebrations.”

“Please. We all pitched inthose first few years.” Not that Jesse made them, but Jesse was even moreinexperienced back then, just like the rest of them, and somehow determined todo it all on her own even when she had friends perfectly willing to help.“If you want to spend Christmas with Axel in Boom Town and leave things tome and Radar, we’ll handle it just fine.”

Olivia’s voice goes mockinglyposh, a close replica of Jesse’s own attempted accent. It gets her anothernudge and a wider grin.

“And leave poor Calvin withall the work for your city? I’ll let him know as soon as I pack up for BoomTown.” There was a brief pause for the sake of letting them both giggle asthey settled more onto the couch, Jesse’s head finding its way to resting onOlivia’s shoulder. Her voice is still warm, still joking, even if it’s softer.“So, you want to stay just for my city?”

“I can’t imagine why elseI’d want to stay here.”

“Hot cocoa and warmcuddles?” Another shift, Jesse’s chin now on her shoulder as the toothygrin returns. “Eyelash kisses and mumbled carols?”

“You’re as sickly sweet asthe eggnog.”

“You like eggnog.”

“And I like you,”Olivia’s lips are on her cheek again for half of a moment, chuckle breakingthrough the smile that breaks through the kiss itself, “believe it ornot.”

Jesse’s head is back to restingagainst her shoulder, fingers playing with one of Olivia’s sleeves.

“I don’t know; you almosthad me fooled.”

“I love you. Even if you’remore gullible than Axel gets when cookies are involved.”

Jesse’s nose scrunches at thecomparison, but they’ve known each other too long and Jesse doesn’t try to denyor keep up that line of teasing.

“Is he still hunting forthose?”

“Who knows?” While notstaying here for the entire holiday season– not yet, anyway, though his plansare as volatile and prone to change as anything else he does– he’s beenenjoying what’s already set up in the city, the attractions and decoratedstores and some kind of crazy cookie hunt only he could get involved with.“I’m sure he’ll let us hear all about it.”

Jesse snorts, saying nothing asshe slumps, curling up on herself and hogging more of the blanket.

Olivia’s favorite hero,personally, above Ellegaard but more closely ranked among the rest of Olivia’samazing friends, is Jesse.

Because Jesse, who still doesn’tknow two licks about redstone and sees the best in everyone to an almost naivedegree, is anything but naive, has been hurt and beat down in so many ways, hasclawed her way to this happy ending, this break, this peace for herself and forthe rest of them and still manages to be so warm and kind.

It’s what only fools would call aflaw and what is ultimately her best trait.

It’s out of bravery that Jesseforgives so much, and it’s times like this where it seems to have paid off, thetwo of them curled around each other and enjoying a peace they haven’t gottento known in the face of adventure and danger and the ultimate trial that ispaperwork.

Olivia’s thoughts may be morenegative than she cares for, but it’s because of them that she recognizes justhow lucky she is to have Jesse.

Jesse, who’s forgiven the oldOrder, who’s accepted Ivor as one of them and helped him become part of theirodd misfit family, who’s always insisted on checking on the Blaze Rods whenevershe visits Sky City, who’s given Harper a world to call home and a family torely on, has always seen something in Olivia.

That sort of optimism, not trulyblind but searing in its kindness and so strong, is something Olivia herselflacks and something Jesse has always had.

For the best, really, given wherethey started, three misfit disasters and a pig.

Axel, for all his pranks andjokes back then and his more clever spins on old tricks now, is more realisticin the way Olivia is, optimistic but with understandable breaking points, andOlivia wonders how long the two of them would have struggled to stay afloatafter so many failures and in the face of so much disaster without Jesse.

Jesse’s always been the lifeline,there to keep them together and whole and happy.

It’s not that Olivia can’t standthe idea of spending Christmas without her, but the idea of staying here, ofbeing home and with Jesse rather than surrounded by lovable but eccentricinventors, is beyond tempting.

(Avoiding any seasonalexplosions, because Sandy might be better this year but Mabel has so manybrilliantly reckless ideas, helps.)

So, because Jesse never said no and won’t stop grinning like she’sfully aware of that, Olivia resolves to send a letter to Calvin, who’s alreadycompleted most of the setup with her and has assured her he’s used to, if notslightly possessive of, handling the finishing touches on his own, in themorning through the portals and to enjoy her first taste of Beacontown holidaysetup in a while. Tomorrow.

Maybe late tomorrow morning,depending on how much cuddling she can get out of this.

If nothing else, Olivia’s sureRadar, as much of a wreck and as high-strung as she used to be without theexperience of holding it back that she’s struggled to get, would like thebreak.

#My Stuff #fanfiction #mcsm #Minecraft Story Mode #Olisse #Anonymous

[dimpled-doll]

Modern-Day Crutchie Headcanons

• HOH!Crutchie who began gradually loosing his hearing after the car crash that paralyzed his right leg when he was 9 years old. He can still hear a tiny bit but he is expected to be completely deaf by the time he turns 30, if not sooner. He can still talk normally though, though he will still use ASL often, and is an incredible lip-reader. • Orphan!Crutchie that in same car crash that he lost his leg and his hearing to also took away another important aspect of his life- his mother. His father abandoned them when Crutchie was only 3 years old, and he was left with only his mother to care for him. Him and his mother were extremely close, so, naturally, he was completely devestated when she passed away, especially during the time when he needed her the most. Crutchie, or Charlie as is his birth name, and his younger sister Charlotte, who he grew very close to after the accident, were sent to live with their grandmother in New York City, which is were he met the other boys. • Crutchie is short. And when I say short I mean SHORT. He tries to intimidate people with his 5'1 staure, but he just ends up looking like an angry puppy. (Plus his boyfriend makes up for it with his monstrous 6'3 stance.) • It is a well known fact that Crutchie is a complete musical theatre nerd, it being his major says enough, but Crutchie has another obsession in his life- reading. He has 3 giant booksleves packed to the brim with well-loved books and they are scattered all throughout he and Jack's tiny Manhattan apartment. He loves just about every genre- from classics to ancient history to dystopian YA and he has a designated reading chair in the corner of their bedroom, right next to Jack's art supplies (they are constantly squabbling about the other hogging the lighting). • Since he is also a closeted nerd (though he's honestly fooling no one), Jack took Crutchie to see DWSA while it was still on Broadway for their anniversary. Crutchie bawled his eyes out, not only because of the beauty of the show, but because of the representation of both the deaf and disabled communities and the pure hope it gave him for his own future. He waited at the stage door afterwards and talked to Ali Stroker and got a kiss on the cheek from Joshua Castille (which Jack was not thrilled to hear about when Crutchie screamed about it in the taxi). • Crutchie LOVES winter. Sure, the cold causes his leg to cramp up more than usual and transportation becomes a bit more difficult for him, but those facts are overweighed by his extreme love of caroling, pine cones, fuzzy sweaters, and, most importantly, snow. He absolutely adores the sight of snow and will play in it for ages until he can't walk anymore and his nore turns pink and he's a shivering mess (Jack has to lure him inside with promises of cuddles and hot chocolate by the fireplace which instantly has him moving). •Though he is known to be an avid puppy lover, as well as a fierce fan of cats and all other animals, he has a particularly soft spot for bunnies. He loves how soft and adorable they are and he has a light gray bunny named Snowflake (because yes Crutchie would name his bunny after his favorite form of weather). He treats Snowflake like his own child, as he does with all of his pets, and you can just about always find them snuggling while Crutchie reads or cuddles in bed with Jack. • Crutchie has severe anxiety and panic attacks, as well as extreme OCD. He was diagnoised with anxiety and panic disorder a few years after his traumatic accident, and was diagnoised with OCD during his first year of college. Crutchie is extremely self concious about his mental illnesses, as he is about every other aspect of his life, and is constantly afraid of burdening anyone with his problems. It took him over 4 months to admit to Jack about his mental illnesses and he ended up having a breakdown because he felt so bad about hiding it, and he also confessed about feeling worthless because of all of his disablities. The boys all came over the next day and gave him lots of love and cuddles as well as insurance that they love him as he is and that he should never be ashamed of who he is. • Crutchie is secretly amazing at Cards Against Humanity. He was always assumed to be the most innocent of the group, but that theory quickly died as Blink and Race started up a game of CAH at their weekly get together. As they start dealing everyone in Crutchie noticed and asked to join. The boys were a bit hesitant at first, but were quickly astonished as Crutchie proceeded to win just about every round with the most shocking and sexual cards. (Jack may or may not have pushed him into a closet afterwards and asked him to demonstrate some of the acts...) • He is an amazing hair braider. Growing up with a younger sister he claims it was enevitable, but clear talent is obvious to anyone who witnesses it. It is mostly a habbit he takes up when he's bored, but it is also a coping mechanisim for him when he gets anxious or on edge. His usual victim is Spot who swears he despises it, but secretly finds it endearing (because who can resist Crutchie when he breaks out those huge puppy dog eyes?) • Crutchie who seems to have the whole world against him, yet he presses on with extreme courage and bravery. Crutchie who persistantly loves and shows kindness to everyone he meets, even though they are often rude and ungrateful in return. Crutchie who has seen the darkness of the world but still chooses to stay optimistic and hope for a better future. Crutchie who is constantly at war with himself and often deems himself worthless, yet inists that everyone is beautiful and deserves all the happiness in the world. Crutchie who is constantly being beaten down, but he keeps getting back up and pushing on, despite his pain and fears. Crutchie who is so strong and couragous and lovable and adorable and just so so unappreciated and deserves so much more. (let me know if you want more because I have SO MANY headcanons for this smol bean)

#sorry I'm jackcrutchie trash #crutchie defense squad #crutchie #newsies #newsies musical #newsie #jack kelly #spot conlon #racetrack higgins #kid blink #mush #david jacobs #davey #jackcrutchie #jack x crutchie #musical theatre #broadway #musicals #headcanon #headcanons #andrew keenan bolger