#that's SO COOL and im SO SAD NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT

[aroaceleovaldez]

reminder that the only reason the "ADHD is actually demigod BATTLE STRATEGIES" and "dyslexia is DEMIGOD BRAINS HARDWIRED FOR ANCIENT GREEK" things exist in the PJO universe is because it's a very direct reference to early 2000s teaching/parenting techniques for neurodiverse and disabled children, which aimed to frame childrens' disabilities and hardships as a "superpower" or strength so that the children would feel more positively about their disabilities or situations. This technique has fallen out of favor since then for the most part since more often than not it just results in kids feeling as though their struggles are not being seen or taken seriously.

Yes, demigods are adhd/dyslexic (and sometimes autistic-coded) in the series. This is extremely important and trying to remove it or not acknowledge it makes the entire series fall apart because it is such a core concept. Yes, canon claims that their adhd/dyslexia is tied to some innate abilities, which is based on an outdated methodology. It's important to acknowledge that and understand where it comes from! But please stop trying to apply it to other pantheons in the series like "oh, the romans have dyscalculia because of roman numerals!" or "the norse demigods have dysgraphia for reasons!" - it's distasteful at best.

A better option is to acknowledge the meta inspiration for why that exists in the series, such as explaining potentially that Chiron was utilizing that same teaching methodology to try and help demigods feel more comfortable with their disabilities and they aren't literal powers. In fact, especially given Frank, there's implication that being adhd/dyslexic isn't a guaranteed demigod trait, which means it's more likely to be normally inherited from their godly parent/divine ancestor as a general trait, not a power, and further supports the whole "ADHD is battle strategy" thing being non-literal. It also implies the entire greco-roman pantheon in their universe is canonically adhd/dyslexic - and that actually fits very well with the themes of the first series. The entire central conflict of the first series fits perfectly as an allegory about neurodiverse/disabled children and their relationships with their undiagnosed neurodiverse/disabled parents and trying to find solutions together with their shared disability/disabilities that the kid inherited instead of becoming distant from each other (and this makes claiming equivalent to getting a diagnosis which is a fascinating allegory! not to mention the symbolism of demigods inheriting legacies and legends and powers from their parents and everything that comes with that being equivalent to inheriting traits, neurodiversity, and disabilities from your parents).

anyways neurodiversity and disability and the contexts in which the series utilizes representation of those experiences particularly during the 2000s symbolically within the narrative is incredibly important to the first series and the understanding of what themes it means to represent. also if i see one more "the romans have dyscalculia instead of dyslexia" post in 2023 i'm gonna walk into the ocean.

#pjo #riordanverse #percy jackson #analysis #meta #adhd #dyslexia #also this symbolism recontextualizes the relationship between demigods and their godly parents so much #particularly Percy and Poseidon and the whole ''I'm sorry you were born thing'' like DAMN that's an ENTIRE DIFFERENT IMPLICATION #honestly in general the first series' meta analogy of being a demigod as symbolism for being neurodiverse/disabled ROCKS SO HARD #that's SO COOL and im SO SAD NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT IT #i could write a whole essay on that alone like COME ON GUYS #can we PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE COOL DISABILITY METAPHORS.... #anyways i didnt proofread this cause. re: dyslexia so if it doesnt make sense dont worry about it #i can try to explain further in supplementary posts if people so wish

[intergalacticaquarium]

Tumblr stop recommending me such earnest criticisms of season 4 I only want people who see other people's failures as kinda funny on my dash from here on out

#like we dont need to pick apart every little thing that proves it sucked because 100% of it literally was bad! #like cant we all just look out at this trainwreck and say.....yeah #that seems about right #i have been on tumblr way too long to keep seeing detailed breakdowns abt why something was offensive #when the whole of what it was incased in wasnt good #and also these takes are on tumblr but always seem very argumentative and its like #either ur talking to ppl that agree with u on tumblr or go to twitter and tweet at the duffers #like....does...does anybody actually think this show was *good* after season 1? #like ya were here cuz we love the characters and the vibe but its not GOOD #like....literally rhe last two episodes had me literally laughing hysterically the entire time bc #when ur like me and youve been burned by one too many media properties and youve written one too many detailed and earnest criticisms #for nobody that can do anything about it #i usually go in expecting shit to he bad bc either im pleasantly surprised or i feel vindicates #this? this was worse than i ever couldve imagined #and thats funny! its funny that these dudes with unlimited budget a guaranteed fanbase and really good characters #could do something so terrible and so easily fixable! thats funny! objectively thats funny! like they had the easiest possible setup #and they beefed it so so so hard they fucking were on the lowest diving board and bellyflopped #dont be sad bc it was bad #be happy bc u just got to witness somebody putting out some really hackjob shit and everybody knows it and thats great! nobody was happy! #like...the show isnt even cool anymore and it hasnt been for years and yet still every time they roll it out they are given #a golden oppritunity abd they churned out trash bc they did a bad job and whether or not there are consequences they know it too! #they were looking at it and watching it and seeing fan reactions and are probably thinking about so many mistakes rn #bc like regardless of their talent theyre still artists and artists hate doing a bad job and i think they know they did bad #and if they dont that might be funnier bc theyll be going to their hollywood gatherings #and everybody will think that they suck and they might not even know thats awesomez #hey am i a mean spirited person #as i was writing it im realizing that might not be normal but also like it is funny #like they didnt put in as much effort as you are going to put into ur bullet list of how wills story was homophobic. it was bad #and everybody watching knows that. why havent we kung pow penised the ads yet like cmon fam this is tumblr we know what to do #dont put more thought into why ur upset than they put into making the choices they didnt earn it

[tokio-motel]

HEY HEY HEY LOVERRRR5🥰🥰🥰

dawg these r one of the worst ideas ive ever had but wtvvvv

IMMA ORDER UHHHH MILKSGAKE AND FRIES ALONG WITH 20 PIECE CHICKEN NUGGETS(full band separate headcannons😋) who got a bf and he's not a model singer or anything bro and it gets out in the public but thing is the band doesn't necessarily care cuz half of the fandom was wayyy nicer back then(check the comments of bill being accused of liking men they were so supportive) but reader is freakin out cuz of the backlash the band is getting again which is barely any people

ok so reader is prolly pacing around in his room and what he's fr doing is practicing the break up out loud and spoiler alert a member walks in and only hears the part '(insert band member) we need to break up' and they're jus mad confused and hurt and reader is making up lies on why he wants to break up when the only reason is because he doesn't want them to fail as a band bro loves them too much

OH u can choose if the ending is good or bad(pls dont make me cry too much)

BAND X READER : BREAKING UP

hiii 😻 im so tired oml

BILL:

・He needed to ask you a favour.

・Most likely having to due with washing the hairspray out of his hair for him, since he was too lazy to do it himself

・He heard muffled voices comin from your room. He didn't want to eavesdrop but from what he could make out you sounded..worried or scared.

・Walks in your room, opening the door slowly so it doesn't creak.

・He watched you pace back and forth, your head in your hands. He stayed silent for a second, listening to you more carefully. Only to hear..

".. I'm sorry but..we need to break up, Bill."

・Oh. Oh.

・Stays silent for a minute before he shuffles on his foot, the sound of his shoe hitting th floor making you turn around with a small gasp.

"Bill! I thought you were out with-"

"M/N..what the hell were you saying?"

・Through sniffs and shaky breaths you'd explain how you just didn't want his career to be fucked, how you just wanted him to be safe

・He's arguing through tears, pointing out how truthfully nobody cares ever since it has gotten out you two were dating.

・He'd cry and sob and he would keep telling you that he loved you too much to let you go, how even if it messed up his career he'd always pick you.

・But..he was so disappointed you went to break up with him instead of talking it out.

"If you really want to break up them I guess.."

"Bill please I-"

"No. Stop."

・Walking out of the room holding back sobs and cries, running to the bathroom when he feels like he's gonna throw up.

TOM:

・He was actually going to tell you something too!

・What? Did you forget it was your guy's one year anniversary?

yess im doing tha idc if its dumb

・Wanted to ask you about your favorite restaurants so he could pinpoint a location.

・Only thing best for M/N, right?

・Anyways, walking towards your room he can't help but keep the grin off his face. He's already prepared a gift for you downstairs.

・He's hearing muffled noises from your room, so he thinks at first your just calling a friend. Cool, thats fine-

"Tom this just...isn’t working anymore."

・He stops mid step, grin fading off his face as his heart stops.

・He doesn't know how to feel.

・He feels sad and nauseous and angry all over, his body trembling a he gets overwhelmed with emotions

・Tales a second before barging in, watching you stop pacing an look at him with big eyes.

".. What?"

・He can hardly choke out, feeling a if his legs will give out on him. He feels like he's gonna fall and crash on the floor, curling up in a ball as he sobs

・He can't make out anything you're saying, only half listening to your continuous 'sorries' and pleas for him to just hear you out and listen.

"But Tom, all of the backlash and.. -"

"WHAT fucking backlash?!"

・He's mad mad. Can hardly look at you as tears well in his eyes. He can hardly make out your own face, you're all blurry in his vision.

・Storms out of your room, slamming the door and ignoring you when you scream and beg for him to come back

・He doesn't, and probably never will.

GEORG:

・He was bored, so tired of just sitting around the house all day!

・Wanted to bring you down to the lake, maybe have a picnic and listen to music...yeah that seemed nice. He knew you loved this lake, you'd always talk about it everytime you drove past it.

・Walking to your room, nearly skipping as he was going to tell you to put your boots on and get changed. It's been quite a long time since you have been out of the house yourself.

・You, on the other hand, weren't looking forward to hanging out with him right now. You weren't sure why you were so caught up about the fact dating him got out, nobody really cared.

・He was too giddy to knock, instead he strolled right on in with a big smile on his face. You were turned away, walking back and forth in your room as you muttered to yourself, although he could only make out a few words.

"..I can't do this with you anymore, Georg.."

・His heart drops at the same time his smile did, he feels like he's frozen in place. He can't move his legs, hands, nothing.

・Watching as you would look up at him as you stopped your steps, eyes tinted a shade of pink as your jaw was slightly dropped, neither of you being able to form words.

・Only takes a few seconds for your rambling to start, telling him your sorry and trying to make up an excuse.

"I..i was just practicing this thing for school about breaking up and-"

"That's such goddamn bullshit!"

・Can't look at you, hands giving to cover his face as his breathing is ragged. He'd stay quiet as you spoke, not absorbing anything.

・Doesn't bother to argue or intervene, just listening to your dumb excuses and desperate apologies that didn't mean anything to him anymore.

・Although if you mentioned something about your relationship being outed, he'd be furious. Doesn't quite show, he doesn't yell, but he's fuming.

・Truly doesn't get why you don't understand how much he loves you. So what if a few people dislike this? You were his boyfriend and you mattered to him so much..

・Well- you were his ex boyfriend now.

"If you wanted to break up you could've just said so! How long have you been feeling like this?"

・He's hurt and distraught and sad all at the same time, he's unable to process all of this.

・He doesn't actually say "We're breaking up" but it's so damn implied it felt like he was screaming it at you in the back of your head.

・Can't bother to look at that dammed lake anymore, taking another route if his original went past it.

GUSTAV:

・He wanted to watch your favorite movie with you today!

・He knew you have been stressed recently, although he didn't quite know why. He just wanted to be there for you and help you get through this.

・You didn't want him to help you at all though, huh?

・You've wanted to break it to him for the past couple weeks that you needed to seeperate from each other, but it was hard considering that's not what you truly wanted.

・Although you gained so much positive feedback when your relationship got outed, those snarky,rude comments were getting to you.

・Anyways...Gustav had already gotten the popcorn ready, along with some of your favorite candy. Skittles, chocolate, starbursts..

・He had set up everything perfectly in the living room, making sure it was all neat and gorgeous. He couldn't wait to see your eyes sparkle with joy!

・Walking to your room, whistling quietly under his breath. Slowly opening your door. You were faced away from him, which gave him the perfect opportunity to scream "SURPRISE" if he wanted to!

・Yet he wanted to wait, he could hear your voice tremble as yo whispered to yourself. He could make out hardly anything, but a few words stood out to him

"Gustav..we should break up."

・He felt like he'd been hit with a brick. His heart beat sped up and he wanted to vomit.

・You turned, feeling like something was watching you. You were right. There stood Gustav, frozen in place as he started at you with glossy eyes

・Tears pooled in his eyes. He felt as if all the moisture in his mouth suddenly disappeared and he found it hard to swallow. It was like there was a rock lodged in his throat.

"Gustav, I didnt-"

"..you didn't?"

・His voice was barley above a whisper and he had to hold back sobs. He couldn't stand properly, leaning against the bedroom door for security.

・He didn't know what he did wrong! Why didn't you love him..why did you want to leave him..did he do something?

・Listening to you make up lies, he wanted to believe them. He wanted to think he heard you wrong and that you meant something totally different.

・But no matter how hardvhe tried to ignore it, there was a voice in the back of his head telling him that the things you were spewing were bullshit.

・His body trembled as he hit back another sob as you went in to tell him that you just wanted his career to be safe and easy, for there to be no backlash or hate.

"Please, M/N. Just..stop."

・Doesn't say anything as he staggers out the room, tears streaming down his cheeks. He ignores your pleas of forgiveness and sobs to listen to you. He had already listened to you and you had lied again and again.

・Can't sleep for days, thinks that you lied about wanting his career to be okay and really he had done something wrong.

#hhhhhhhhhhh why did i put so muchhhhh #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x male reader #tokio hotel x you #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x male reader #bill kaulitz x you #bill kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x male reader #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz x y/n #georg listing x male reader #georg listing x reader #georg listing #gustav schäfer #gustav schäfer x male reader #gustav schäfer x reader #gustav schafer x reader

[toecrust69]

I love the Batsis that’s obsessed with cat woman, can we see how she Interacts with Selina in person?

A/N: OMG IM LITERALLY SO GLAD U ASKED. Also, sorry if this took a long time to answer!!

Oh and ur like 13 or 12 in this and Bruce and Selina are in a relationship (sorry if this was a stupid thing to metion)

I feel like it definitely depends on the situation, yk?

By that I mean whether or not batsis knows about Selina being Catwoman

If she doesn't know about it, she'll definitely fangirl about it to her

Since nobody else in the manor wants to talk about it, she's your last resort

It doesn't make her uncomfortable tho, she actually finds it kinda amusing

Like

Can you imagine your boyfriends daughter fangiling about how hot, badass, cool, and iconic you are without even knowing they're fangirling over you?

She'd listen closely to every word you say, pride swelling up in her chest

"She's so cool! I'm honestly kinda jealous of Batman." She smirked and looked over her shoulder at you before responding.

"Really? How so?" She asked curiously.

"I dunno man, I think it's the fact that he gets to hang out with her everyday. If I ever see batman I'm gonna ask him for her number."

"Hang on, how old are you? And how do you know Bruce won't blow up?" You stopped chewing on your cereal for a second, thinking about what you'd say next

"First of all, Bruce should be proud of me! I just got the phone number of one of the hottest and most iconic people to ever live. If he doesn't feel proud or at the very least jealous, I don't know how he'd feel" you shrugged mindlessly

"Ok, but how old are you?"

"... old enough"

Your definitely her favorite, but she'll never admit it

About the body pillow...

She'd probably buy you more just to piss off Bruce (he had no idea you bought it)

She'd also buy you a bunch of merchandise of her

This includes shirts, shoes, pants, hats, pillows, underwear, glasses, posters, socks, etc.

Are you sad?? Don't worry, she has a catwoman mug in her purse custom made just for you :))

On the other hand, if you already know who she is, it's gonna be a bit of a mess

You'd definitely figure it out after fangirling about her for almost 6 months

You'd feel a bit embarrassed for a second before quickly recovering and going back to normal (for the most part)

To say the least, you'd constantly try to get her number or at the very least flirt with her

You know those tiktoks talking abt poetic rizz? Just imagine that if they were brought to life and now it's you

You'd follow her around the halls of the manor and batcave while reading out one of the latest poems you either read or made just for her

She ends up having to stiffle a laughe whenever your reading it to her and Bruce comes in with a huge frown on his face

He'd tell you to stop only for you to continue shortly after he leaves the room

" I would rather swim in a stormy sea than sail calm waters without yo-" you were quickly interrupted when Bruce came busting through the door with a huge frown on his face

"Stop it! She's almost 20 years older than you, leave her alone"

"Oh my bad, I'll stop" you answered dryly

"Good" He said sternly before walking out the room, leaving you and Selina alone. You turned around to look at her with a cocktail smirk, "I think he's jealous I'm trying to steal his girl and it's actually working ;)"

Yea no Bruce absolutely hates it

He doesn't like the fact that her daughter is getting more attention from his gf than him😭😭

But he knows that she'd never leave him for a 13 year old girl with amazing rizz like you, right?

... right?

Every time she comes back from a mission without you, you'd ask he about it

You'll listen intently to every word she says, making tiny comments every now and then

Once you turn 18, you'd rent an apartment and let her know so she can visit whenever she wants (yea ur still obsessed with her)

One time, you ended up not going on patrol for a whole week because you were sickand she came to visit you with chicken soup in her hands

You thanked her profusely and kept on offering her some stuff like water or food but she always declined

She was your guest after all

Am iconic one at that

She'd watch movies with you for a while before eventually forcing you to sleep

Then next day she'd invite you to go rob some jewelry stores with her, ivy, and harley

Speaking of ivy and harley

they absolutely adore you!!

Ivy never fails to notice how all the plants around you seem to lean into you when you walk past them

Your like a magnet and she seems to have gotten stuck onto you as well

I REALLY HOPE THAT MADE SENSE😭😭

Harley also can't help but notice the way her hyenas cuddle up to your legs whenever you come over to her apartment

She'd smile softly from the kitchen as she watched you play around with Bud and Lou

Oh and Selinas cats also like u

You're actually kinda fond of cats but you've never met any until one day when you can over to Selinas appartment

You'd only ever seen cats on TV or on the internet but never in real life

You were having fun playing around with her 10 cats until you began aggressively sneezing lmao

You ended up spread out on the floor, arms outstretched as the cats began surrounding you

You were still sneezing, just not as bad anymore

That was until one of the cats walked up to your face and began licking your face

You could feel a strong sneeze coming up but you didn't want to scare him away so you ended up having to hold your breath so you wouldnt sneeze

You held it in for such a long time that even Selina wondered how you were still alive

But you couldn't hold it in for too long so you ended up sneezing anyways lmao

Sorry if this was kinda short, should I make a pt.2??

Oh and credits to @thesharktanksdriver , she inspired me to make this and u can tell bc I used the same layout as her. Her writing is amazing and I highly recommend you read it!!

#fake scenarios #fanfiction #batfam x reader #batfam x batsis #selina x bruce #selina x reader #cat woman x reader #headcannons #lovely anon #answered #catwoman #selina wayne #pt2??? #im definitely better at headcannons than actuall stories lmao

[kasaneteto]

that one post i reblogged the other day about feeling annoying for messaging ur friends has been rotating in my brain ever since because its literally me like. not with every friendship bc i have more friends than i can count tbh but whenever im the one thats always reaching out my brain goes “oh my god they hate me and they wish i would just die and theyre talking about me and saying how stupid and annoying i am and i should just kill myself” which is SO FUCKING STUPID LOL because i literally have other friends that are the exact opposite (they are the ones always reaching out to me) and im not like secretly talking shit about them behind their back. if i felt the need to do that i just wouldnt talk to you. so why should i assume other ppl are any different. ik thats not how the world works and like obvs there are going to be ppl who dont like me but pretend to be my friend anyways & to that i just say i am sorry that you are probably so so sad 👍 im talking to you because i think youre cool so hopefully that makes you feel better ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ & hopefully im the luckiest guy alive and nobody hates me everybody loves me & wants me to live forever and would die for me they love me so much

#txt

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

#tw abuse #discourse #vent

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

#not culture

[branmuffins22]

of all the things to just not bring up again about the events of kings tide, im surprised to see that luz being very nearly petrified didnt make that cut. like, she was seconds or less from being irreversibly turned into a statue, while nobody was around to help, completely at the mercy of belos.

sure, we saw this once before with eda, at the end of season 1, but shes a full grown adult, with a lot more experience being transformed against her will (what with the curse and all), and she had at least a whole day to come to terms with her impending demise, not to mention the years shes known she had it coming.

not luz. shes a child, the closest experience she had to this body horror was when she bodyswapped with eda for an afternoon, and she had maybe a minute, tops, between when her petrification was started on a whim and when it wouldve been complete. she was just a kid trying to convince an old bastard to stop his religiously-motivated genocide.

and somehow, she kept a cool head, cool enough to find a way out, cool enough to talk her executioner into stopping, and cool enough to turn the situation around on him right afterwards, flawed though that plan ended up being.

luz seems to have become the kind of person to be remarkably calm and competent under life-threatening pressure, only to pass that dread into the future. we saw this near the end of season 1 when she managed to walk all the way from the emperors castle to the owl house before finally breaking down, again when she was run ragged at the blight expo before coming home and crashing, and another time when she broke down as soon as the action stopped after the trip into the emperors mind.

ever since the end of season 1, she hasnt done a lot of panicking under duress like she used to do (like running away during the duel at the covention, and running from grom, to name a few), but she almost always brings it up again eventually, from her pride over the piece of the emperors mask she chipped off in their first fight, to the constant angst about the revelations in hollow mind, she clearly processes the emotions from those scenarios eventually.

not so with her petrification.

i suppose i can chalk it up to another casualty of the cut, but its really a huge shame that all we get to worry about from the events of kings tide is "the child god is running loose on the boiling isles while were stuck on earth, unable to ensure the safety of our loved ones", and then theres the whole new/old thing of belos somehow still being around, and it just feels so disconnected from that plot.

their time on earth couldve been a deeply emotional unpacking of all the stuff theyve been going through while they try to make it back, mixed with whatever adventures can be had, repeated failures and lingering repression leading up to luz's attempted narrative suicide, but instead we got "look how sad this all is, but look at all the fun times weve had, but now look how much sadder luz still is than everyone else, despite all those fun times we just showed you, and wOAH WATCH OUT! BELOS!"

idunno, one of the biggest reasons ive gotten into fanfic in the last month has been to explore the emotional consequences of all that stuff. one of my favorite oft-overlooked traumas is that luz had to endure the encroaching effects of a rather horrific death while simultaneously lying her way out of it, succeeding by such a small margin that it may as well have been a fluke that she survived at all. lots of potential for angsty nightmares and such, but none of it explored.

#the owl house #toh #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #emperor belos #toh spoilers #season 3 spoilers #thanks to them

[cosmica-galaxy]

COUGH perhaps this is a strange thing to say but tysm for writing your skibidi fic not only bc its amazing but also because it makes me feel less cringe about being in this fandom 💀 im a firm believer in putting cringe culture in its grave, but i was also around on the internet (and at a very impressionable age) whenever calling people 'cringe' just for their interests was at its peak so i, unfortunately, have that mindset a bit engraved into me. but seeing a piece of writing so genuinely well made and with so much love put into it that comes from a 'cringe' source material makes me go ":D man this is so cool this is so sick all the haters are stupid and sad" yk? so. thank you for that, really

ANYWAYS mushy stuff aside. my favorites from your fic (so far) are Vee and the veteran cameraman!!! (who i, creatively, refer to as Vet in my mind. or Captain, Chief, and/or Boss. basically any name[s] that mean "this-is-a-high-ranking-person" in any capacity) im always a sucker for stoic characters who have a soft side for a particular person, so vee was immediately up my alley, but me liking the vcm kinda took me as a surprise!!

tbh i think it comes from me accidentally imagining a scenario where y/n calls him "dad" on accident. do you know about that one scene from the show brooklyn 99 called "thanks dad"??? theres plenty of animatics of it for different characters in different fandoms so my mind kinda. defaulted to it akjdhjadad. if you dont know wtf im talking about but want to, just look up "brooklyn 99 dad audio" on youtube :) OR if you dont know and dont wanna know you can just. ignore that lmao /lhnm

EITHER WAY just. y/n accidentally calling the vcm dad ONE TIME and then never living it down (hint: its mostly because nobody ever LETS them live it down. especially vcm) okay thats all tysm for reading this mess of an ask asdsfasfdsg

I'm glad I changed your mindset, even just a little! Your praise for my fic warms my heart~!! Vee and Veteran are easily the more popular characters in the fic, judging by how many people are fans of them. I'm just glad that peeps have favorites and my "OC" (really just units with some unique designs to help them stand out in a crowd) characters! That is actually a pretty funny scene...now I think I may include it into my fic at some point. The human needs someone to lean on...so why not Vet? Thank you for the idea! ; ) Also, thanks for finding my fic enjoyable! I really appreciate feedback and comments! : D

#haxorus imp #hax speaks #cosmica galaxy #cosmica-galaxy #anonymous #anon asks #skibidi tag #anon ask

[marlesbian]

How i perceive Remus Lupin

disclaimer: im not gonna talk about his life after the war, after he lost all of his friends bc i don't want this to be depressing.

Basics:

Remus John Lupin

Born March 10th 1960

Bisexual and Demisexual

he/him cis male. (Love the trans hc though)

Gryffindor

REMUS LUPIN WAS A DISABLED MAN. HE HAD A PHYSICAL DISABILITY!!!

WELSH white/jewish/arab/black idc i love all of these hcs he just HAS to be born in Wales.

Life, family and history:

His family was working class, his dad worked a minimum wage job at the Ministry of Magic and his mother was a History teacher.

He was born very loved, he was so welcomed and celebrated.

He spoke welsh fluently and had a very strong welsh accent.

Hope and Lyall’s marriage was happy and it was obvious they loved each other. They were that leftist couple where the woman was treated like a person and the others would get all surprised. They went to protests and riots together, they were very open minded and believed that love was the answer for everything.

They lived on a farm, a small cottage on wales. The house itself was small but they had a garden and a huge space in the back where they raised chickens and an old dog who grew up with Hope.

His parents were maximalists, their house was small and full of stuff, full of books, candles, mugs on random places and cute decorations.

He was a mummy's boy, his mother was his best friend. He and Hope always had their afternoon tea together, each reading a book or gossiping about their neighbors. She loved to hug him. She always made him biscuits and she was an awesome cook.

Lyall was also a great dad, he read to Remus every night, he took Remus on walks and taught him carpentry (because that was his hobby).

Lyall made every single furniture in the house, their favorite was the bookshelf he made as a wedding gift.

They married at 22 and had Remus at 25.

They spent their weekends making picnics, playing in the grass, watching the sunset. They took Remus to the beach on the last sunday of every month for good luck and to wash away bad energy, starting the month right.

Whenever Remus got sad or had a bay day Lyall would make him hot chocolate and bring it to him.

After the attack on Remus, their relationship got a bit rocky but they got through it. Their love for their son was the greatest thing so they worked it out.

After the attack, they got extremely overprotective of Remus. Wouldn't let him go out, wouldn't let him make friends, they doomed Remus for a lonely life out of fear that their son would suffer.

Lyall didn't leave them after the attack, yes the guilt and regret almost took him, but he stayed. Because his son needed to be taken care of, he needed to be loved and so did his wife.

Their house was very secluded, they didn't have any neighboring farms or houses, so nobody noticed the screams of the change and they were safe. Remus did not go to school and was homeschooled until he was 9.

He had a cool lesbian aunt (Lyall’s sister)

They only let him go to Hogwarts because Dumbledore himself went to convince them to, saying that Remus would be safe and everything would work out. Dumbledore did not do this because he was good, he did it because he knew someday there would come a war, and that having a werewolf on his side would be useful. It was part of his strategy.

Hope got very sick when Remus turned 16. She had breast cancer. She died when he was 20.

They both accepted Remus warmly after he came out. Lyall always knew ever since Remus was a kid. When they first met Sirius they figured out he was in love with their son and that their son loved her back.

Lyall died in 1997. He helped his son all throughout the 80s, he took care of him, he helped him, loved him.

Hogwarts years:

His first friend was Peter. Peter was quieter than his other two roommates and easier to talk to at first, because he was not as agitated and as nosy. They befriended playing chess (Remus was terrible at it but he wanted to try)

Remus was very smart but he studied really hard, nothing in life came easy to him. He was hard on himself and craved academic validation.

His favorite teacher was, of course, Prof McGonnagal. He had Madam Pomfrey as a motherly figure (even though nobody would even come close to his mam)

He loved DADA and care of magical creatures, he was actually quite terrible at potions and it was his worst subject.

He was the prank master, he always came up with their best ideas, but he rarely got detention because he was a great liar and had an awesome poker face.

He got extremely close to James in 3rd year, for some reason, in 1973 they were inseparable (probably had a crush on each other). James always followed him to the library and Remus went to see him at quidditch practice. James was his best friend in the whole world, they could talk about everything with ease, no shame and no filters, James was always accepting.

His platonic soulmate girl best friend was Lily, though. Lily was one of the first people to figure out he was a werewolf, she was the first person he came out to. They just understood one another, just with a look they shared a whole conversation, he could read her better than anyone. The whole school thought for years that they were dating, but their relationship was exclusively platonic. They were like brother and sister.

Every single person had a crush on him at least once in their lives. It was impossible not to.

He taught younger students with subjects they were struggling. He made sort of a club and many people joined in, specially on exam season.

Random headcanons:

Remus is actually the most complex and interesting person. He is so soft and easy to break, he loves tea and hot chocolate and reading in the rain, he is also hard and brute and loudmouthed, he fights people when he is angry and he can be mean if he wants to.

He drinks whiskey and smokes cigarettes and pot, he listens to loud music and goes to protests and he also reads romance novels from the 1800’s and talks about philosophy and greek tragedies, Remus has layers, PEOPLE HAVE DEPTH. He doesn't just have one aesthetic or one shallow personality, Remus is much more than the soft boy or the cunt.

He started smoking marijuana at 15, his Da gave it to him to help soothe the pre moon pain.

His disability was an intrinsic part of himself, it affected his mood, the way he behaved around people, it affected his social life and as he got older, it affected his mobility as well.

He started using a cane at all times to walk when he turned 27, before that he only used it after bad moons or before when he was too sore.

He had an absolutely filthy mouth, swore like a saylor.

He appeared to be quiet and shy but when you got to know him he was actually very easy to talk to and always managed to surprise you. To people who didn't know him, he seemed very mysterious but in all honesty he was just secluded. He had trouble talking about his feelings, about his thoughts, about everything, he thought he was a burden and a mistake, but he knew how to put up a face.

He listened to rock, glam rock, hard rock, rock n’ roll and punk (and jazz when he was with his mam)

He did a lot of drugs, it was the 70s and Remus loved drugs, he snorted coke, he took shrooms, he smoked weed ALL THE TIME, he took acid, and every single hallucinogen you can think of. It was just a phase in his life, he only used them socially, on casual occasions, after he turned 19 he just stopped. He had a high tolerance for alcohol but he didn't really like to. He used drugs to keep his mind quiet but he was very uncomfortable with it because he lost control of himself, of his mind and he had enough of that feeling of helplessness once a month.

He was a marxist-lenininist, a big radical leftist (like the rest of his family) and he went to protests, walks and manifestations. He gave everything on those and sometimes got a few hits from the police. He mainly fought for workers rights and unionized since he was 15.

His laugh lit up the world.

He secretly loved puns and make terrible jokes sometimes. He was great at self deprecating jokes.

Sarcasm KING.

He ate a lot, everyone was scared of much much he ate and never seemed to gain any weight (because of the werewolf metabolism).

He loved reading the news.

He drank his tea with a slice of lemon and drank it unsweetened (when he was feeling sick he sweetened it with honey) and put just a spoonful of milk in it. He wasn't much of a coffee person but he drank it occasionally.

When he and Sirius moved in together, just the two of them, Remus gave them a wooden spoon he carved himself. He carved little stars on it and a moon, a half moon because that was his favourite, it meant that he was himself, and that he had full control over his body and mind.

He always wanted to be a teacher. He loved helping and teaching people but he was very insecure about it.

Physical appearance:

Tall, 193cm. Big nose wonky nose (he broke it a few times, either punches or the moon). Freckled face, light brown eyes and sandy wavy/curly brown hair. He was very skinny had some muscle. Ugly hot (so so so so hot). Crooked teeth and the most beautiful smile. His lips were full and soft and deeply red, almost purple.

Style:

Grandpa sweaters, wool sweaters, jeans, overalls (especially when he was taking care of the farm). Caqui pants, plain white shirts. Didn't really like wearing clothes that showed his scars, so he avoided wearing shorts and short sleeved shirts around people he didn't know well, when he became an adult he decided to not give a fuck. He wore loads of oversized band t-shirts and jean jackets.

Color pallet: Brown, beige, olive green (and green variations), petrol blue (and blue variations), mustard yellow.

Sirius was literally the love of his life, they were connected by the red string. Their love was the most raw, pure, intense, true love in the world. They were each other's soulmates. He never stopped loving Sirius, not even for a second, not even after all the mistakes he made, his love for Sirius was unconditional. They understood each other, they talked about everything. He literally worshipped the ground his girlfriend walked on. Stan wolfstar forever.

(this isn't very long but i want to add on this in a few days when i get more inspired)

#remus lupin #remus john lupin #moony #moony toast #wolfstar #the marauders era #marauders #marauders era #remus lupin headcanon #remus lupin supremacy #remus solos your favs #remus and lily #remus and james #remus and sirius #remus x sirius #bi remus #bisexual remus lupin

[imahoeforsokka]

TTPD LIVE REACTION

1. Fortnight

I AM SO SAD

THIS HURTS

POST MALONE YAYAYAYAY

bro fucking cheated

WTF HAPPENED IN FLORIDA

2. TTPD

oh my god he fucking cheated

is he insane

genuinely

NO-FUCKING-BODY LMAO

CHARLIE PUTH AWW

this is so awful

i’m drowning

YOU TOLD LUCY WHAT????

SHE TOLD JACK WHAT?!!!!!????

he would not marry her i hate him

who else decodes you is insane

3. my boy only breaks his favorite toy

oh?? this is hot??

ok lana del rey relax

OH MY LORD

PUT ME BACK ON MY SHELF???

SAND CASTLES

THIS IS SO PRETYY WHAT

HE SAW FOREVER SO HE SMASHED UP.

HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND.

not ken

HE TOLD ME IM BETTER OFF BUT IM NOT. OUCH OUCH

4. down bad

ooooooo pretty

cosmic love ok

I MIGHT JUST DIE IT WOULD MAKE DO DIFFERENCE

HEAVEN STRUCK

HOW DARE YOU THINK ITS ROMANTIC

FUCK YOU IF I CANT HAVE US OH MY GOD

jesus he’s gone

5. so long, london

already brutal bc it’s a track five

rip london boy

oh this is COOL

OH MY GOD HER VOICE

oh the tragedy

YOULL FIND SOMEONE

GAVE YOU ALL THAT YOUTH FOR FREE.

ILL FIND SOMEONE.

quiet resentment

not sure if he wants to be THERE

YOU SWORE YOU LOVED ME, WHERE WERE THE CLUES?

I DIED ON THE ALTER WAITING FOR THE PROOF. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

cause i loved this place for so long, london.

that was insane holy fuck

6. but daddy, i love him

wait

is this about

no way??

is this

i feel like im wrong

ok update i was wrong

oh my god this is ouch

BEDROOM EYES LIKE A REMEDY

this is strangely fearless coded?

like mature fearless

this feels like love story got punched in the face?

BITCHING AND MOANING YES

VIPERS DRESSED IN EMPATHS CLOTHING!!!!!!

this is so pretty wow

but brings lovers,,, closer

okay wait i might have been right earlier omg

TRAVIS?

WILD BOY

i’m having is baby is HILARIOUS i love her

i think that was the transition of joe to travis and i’m obsessed

7. fresh out the slammer

ok wild west

pretty baby

another summer, taking cover

he was with her in dreams OK JOLENE

for just one glimpse of his smile

swirled you into all of my poems omg

AMERICAN DREAMS

IMAGINARY RINGS

i did my time

wow.

jack is KILLING IT HOLY HELL

8. Florida!!!

im already scared from track 1

weed or little babies is crazy

is one hell of a drug

hey florence

CHEATING HUSBAND DISAPPEARED

NO ONE ASKS QUESTIONS HERE

is that a bad thing to say in a song? OH MY GOD

ok DRUMS

they have a fun mix woah

ok we like florida cool ok

ok

cool cool cool

ok

shitstorm in texas

that’s so cool omg

9. guilty as sin?

ok hey drums

i have a love song inkling?

oh this is so pretty

mine on my upper thigh omfg

ok this is gorgeous

romantic asf

hey bible

i keep recalling things we never DID

ouch

downtown lights 😭

10. who’s afraid of little old me?

why is bro killing her geez

ok SPOOKY

what scandal

i’m so invested

we could all laugh until i cry

real

oh you SHOULD BE BITCH

ASLYUM

DRUNK ON MY OWN TEARS

oh this is CAMP

ok blank space

her VOICE god

that did not feel like 5 minutes wow

wow.

11. i can fix him

i’m so scared omfg

hello FOLK

this is so pretty wow

ok we are talking’ TEXAS

this shit is SOUTHERN

he just hadn’t met me yet

my man

wow

her VOICE

oh this is HOT

hey jack missed you

WOAH? MAYBE I CANT?

oh my god that was so

wow

12. loml

i. am. scared.

the time i was away??????? rep????

i felt i was better safe than STARRY EYED. OUCH

ONE KISS TO GETTING MARRIED

THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

A MILLION TIMES

you took me to hell too

cinephile

black and white

YOU SHIT TALKED ME UNDER THE TABLE

BRAIDS OF LIES

ILL BE NEVER LEAVE NEVER MIND

LOSS OF MY LIFE.

JESUS.

ARRON GOD DAMN YOU

13. I can do it with a broken heart

hey pool

ok mastermind

oh my god tour

this hurts

geez

BITCH SMILE

HE SAID HED LOVE ME ALL HIS LIFE

CROWD WAS CHANTING MORE

IM SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY

IM OBSESSED WITH HIM BUT HE AVOIDS ME

SHE IS SO PRODUCTIVE

i love the voices in the background so much omg

i’m glad she’s proud of herself

CAUSE IM MISERABLE!

AND NOBODY EVEN KNOWS!

ok that was awesome

i laughed out loud

14. the smallest man who ever lived

i’m scared

again

oh god

Jehovah’s witness suit lmao

ha they ghosted him

oh damn.

RUSTING MY SPARKLING SUMMER

OH DAMN

the breath christ

NOT THE PUSH PENS

showed her off barely

this hurts actually

i’m scared for the bridge

oh hello bridge

WOW

A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED

WOW

WILL THIS ALL BE DECLASSIFIED

WOW

YOU CRASHED MY PARTY AND YOUR RENTAL CAR

NORMAL GIRLS ARE BORING BUT YOU WERE GONE BY THE MORNING

holy

actual

frick

wow

wow

wow

15. the alchemy

hey beat ok

touch down ha

ok comeback song

THESE BLOKES WARM THE BENCHES

THATS HILARIOUS

AW

hey LOVE SONG

she had her american revolution song

16. clara bow

i’m scared pt. 3927237

ok guitar

aww cute

hey taylor! pls don’t die, thanks!

DAZZLING

STEVIE NICKS

oh wow

this is stunning

demanding ‘more’

it’s hell on earth to be HEAVENLY

WOW

HEY TAYLOR SWIFT

you’ve got edge she never did

is crazy

ok that’s all bye (until 2 maybe?)

EDIT:

OKAY MAJOR UPDATE SHES INSANE

15 MORE

17. the black dog

oh my god

his location

it’s A BAR

i just don’t understand how you don’t miss me

she’s too young to know this song

do you hate me

was it hazing

six weeks of breathing clean air i miss the SMOKE

wow

wow

wow

18. imgonnagetyouback

ok skirt

you knew the price going in ohmygod

get him back olivia rodrigo??

this is so pretty

oh god the BRIDGE

ERAS FADING INTO GREY

19. The Albatross

ok hey FOLK

CROSS YOUR THOUGHTLESS HEART

oh my god this is GORGEOUS

this is so evermore???

idek

her voice wow

19. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

this opens quick wow

just say “i loved you the way that you were” christ

jesus

this is so beautiful wow

THE GLINT IN MY EYE TRACED THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SIGH

WOW

SCARLET MAROON

this is wow

will i always wonder

20. how did it end

we herby conduct this post mortem!!!

southern accent maybe a little??

this is so pretty wow

oh my god OW

DIDNT YOU HEAR THEY CALLED IT ALL OFF

THE BRIDGE OUCH

d-y-i-n-g OK JUST STAB ME TAYLOR

wow wow wow

21. so high school

CUTE???

SMOKING YOUR JOKES ALL NIGHT

this is so 90s???!???!??!

YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL, I KNOW ARISTOTLE!!;!,!,!,$;$;

TOUCH ME WHILE YOUR BROS PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO?,?,!:!,,$,’

ok this is so cranberries

AMERICAN PIE IS SO CUTE

WOW

this is like making me giddy

ok AWWW

22. i hate it here

QUICK QUICK

AHHH

i’m there most of the year cause i HATE IT HERE

the 1830s w/o the racists and bids real

electriciTEE

obsessed

23. thanK you aMIee

okay here we go

i’m fearing for kim’s life

hometown

OH

hey bully

fucK you aMIee is so funny

kim is shaking

this is kinda country

taylor is so sweet

DAMN ANDREA

that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

wow

beat my spirit black and blue

wow

LMAO

AND SO I CHANGE YOUR NAME AND ANY REAL DEFINING CLUES

HA

NORTH LMAO

okay she’s bat shit crazy for that

24. i look in peoples windows

pretty

hey jack!! (found him)

down down down down

im addicted to the “if only”

GOD

one more time

25. the prophecy

oh, but it’s gone again

I GOT CURSED LIKE EVE GOT BITTEN

ok we are in our religious parallel era wow

god WOW

still dream of him

howl like a wolf at the moon

coven around a sorcerers table

NO SIGN OF SOULMATES

GREIGE

sweet lord

26. cassandra

wow wow

i have nothing else to say

just

WOW

do you believe me now?

THE CHRISTIAN CHORUS LINE

not a single word was heard

27. peter

is it something i did?

god

promises oceans deep, but never to keep

this is beautifully tragic

you said you were gonna grow up

28. the bolter

oh my god.

town car speeding!

slam of a door, then he’ll call her a WHORE!!!!

ouch

this is so different

there’s escape in escaping

then came out alive

29. robin

you have no idEA

this is so bittersweet

wilder and lighter. for you.

30. the manuscript

hey piano

i’d give you my heart if you needed it

but soon it was over

and couldn’t sleep unless it was in her mothers bed

wow

ouch

all that’s left is the manuscript

ok i’m done that’s a perfect album

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ttpd #the tortured poets department the anthology #double album #taylor’s version

[salted-caramel-tea]

i dont care if you don’t like dream . you are purposefully choosing to ignore the point im making because you don’t like dream which is in fact proving my point .

the mcc community has a huge issue with hate and hypocrisy so let me take a deep dive into what i mean by that and why these guys ^^^ are dumb cunts

example 1- buildmart .

“ what’s your favourite game and why is it not buildmart”

that’s all i said . it’s a joking post about the fact a lot of people complain about buildmart . let’s talk about the response to that, which if needed i will tag blogs who participated in this behaviour .

• i was being whiny and needed to get over it bc buildmart if just a game

• i was clogging the mcc tag with negativity

• buildmart hate wasn’t allowed in the tags

this is the big one right

• i was asked to delete my post because the mcc tag is not a place for any sort of negativity, people don’t want to constantly see discourse in the tag which was from them on to remain discourse free

read that again . and a third time. as many times as you need for it to get through your skull .

let’s look at how the community reacted to that

- sent me death threats

-harassed me for 3 days after the post was made

- eventually made me take about a week away from tumblr bc i was tired of being harassed every time i made a post and there’s only so many times i can hit block anon

and that was justified right ???? that was okay ! because i made a little joke about not liking buildmart .

example 2- dream team hate

imagine the sheer murderous rage i felt watching the event that saturday to

“ugh i fuckinf hate sapnap he doesn’t deserve his 5th win get him out the event”

or this event to

“i hate dream stans”

“dream us dishonouring technoblade and this person is doing it better “

“dream should be permabanned because i hate him and i don’t agree with what he said”

and so many other posts .

you all complained about the dream fans using th tags but i didn’t see anything from dteam fans in the tags . just you lot complaining about how awful they are .

let’s look at how this hate was handled

- nobody cared .

-hate clogged the tag

- the mcc tag was not discourse free

- and i am being harassed again for calling that out

so let’s get into why i’m calling it out .

i don’t care if you hate dream . hate him for whatever reason i do not give a shit. i’m not asking you to suck his dick. the issue is that you are purposefully straying away from the topic of conversation bc i like dream and you think it can all be boiled down to that . it can’t .

so what’s the issue if it’s not the fact that people hate dream? it’s that you’re awful people .

not even joking . this is what it’s come to . this is how i’m gonna be describing the mcc community from now on . which is sad bc i love mcc .

how are you awful people ?

let’s recap

• a joking post about buildmart gif a blog bullied off the platform for spreading negativity and clogging the tag with hate

• the hate that actually clogs the mcc tag does not receive a similar energy and is let slide bc ppl think they’re cool when they hate dream

so what does this say to me ? it says to me that you didn’t ever care about the tag being clogged with hate. it says to me that you are either liars or hypocrites who only care about defending your own interests . it says to me that i never should’ve gotten any of the “helpful criticism” i got from people like (i removed the tags bc it felt cruel but test me again and i’ll tag them) for clogging the tag and spreading negativity. unless you two want to open up and start talking about how the dream neg is ultimately worse for the mcc tag , since that’s genuine negativity and hate and actually clogging the fuckinf tag . and i’m calling the two of you out not because i hate you i don’t have anything against you but because i remember you . you spoke Big enough to me about how i was impacting the mcc community and turned a blind eye to everything else .

i was harassed and threatened for days . “i’m sorry that happened to you but” but nothing . don’t sit and apologise to me for shit. if you want to do anything, uphold the values of the mcc tag that you were so desperate for me to stick to with a little buildmart joke. call out people posting neg in the tags, tell them that this is a discourse free tag . go on .

but you’re going to find every reason not to . bc dream neg is allowed . and every justification i’ve gotten from you lot is completely useless . it all boils down to i hate him and that’s okay i’m not asking you to feel otherwise despite the fact you’re desperate to say i am

i am asking you to uphold your fuckinf values . principles arent principles when you pick and choose when to use them . so either stop lying to me, or get a fuckinf grip and tell people posting dteam neg in the main mcc tag that they are breaking the rules of the tag .

just to clarify for a third time because i know people won’t have understood yet- i don’t care about what you think of the ace race drama . i don’t care what you think about dream . i care about the fact the etiquette of the tag is being abandoned yet again to justify a bias against certain communities. but if i was in there posting anti buildmart memes, what would happen?

either shut the fuck up when ppl say they hate buildmart (ace race is just a game remember) or keep your neg out the main mcc tags

#mcc

[starrrberry]

hii ash what is the phantom of the opera? ive heard of it and it sounds so fucking badass and i am Curious

okay. gonna write a rambly type essay. SUMMARY: so poto is originally a novel written by gaston leroux in 1909 set in france, centering a mysterious masked man, erik (aka the phantom, the opera ghost, angel of music) and a naive, kind girl who's ridiculously brave and selfless called christine. from now on ill be talking about the musical version as i am yet to read the book ! also, the pair have INCREDIBLE music ability - christine has the voice of an angel, and the phantom is incredibly skilled at many instruments as well as have the kinda voice that probably wouldve awoken smth in me when i was ten. -christine is an orphan, her father died when she was.. eight? ish. and shes just very sad and lonely. -when her dad died, he said he'll send a angrl of music to her -erik is super super obsessed with christine and kinda stalks her. but -shes like kinda chill with it at the beginning and she even follows him into his lair? which like okay you go girl or smth. -but then she finds out oh shit !!! hes kinda freaky man. and she faints <3 -if erik had his way he'd probably just force her to marry him, but problem! -another man, raoul, who is christines childhood bestie, is here. and -hes in love with her! christines also in love with him, but imo its only because he reminds her of her father (woop woop daddy issues) -THINGS HAPPEN and i cried. just trust me on this idk how to do summaries. CHARACTERS: erik - MY BOY !!!!!! hes so traumatised and he was abused a lot because he was born with a facial deformity and nobody ever touched him ever. so he just grew into this really angry, resentful but also strangely hot dude. he gets a MILD mild redemption at the end of the movie/musical, and hes the most pathetic silliest sewer man in the world im so so obsessed with him. hes a really complex character and i could get into it but i wont because its 12am. christine - in the musical/kinda movie, shes portrayed as very meek and mild. however shes really brave and kind of a badass! like "this haunted face holds no horror for me now. its your soul in which the true distortion lies" um okay?? callout i love that. shes not wrong, his soul is fuuuucked. poor boy. her mother died in childbirth, her father died when she was young, shes alone in the world apart from a scarily hot stalker whos teaching her to sing, and shes a ballet rat in the opera populaire. ill delve more into different interpretations of her in different media. raoul - pretty rich boy. also christines childhood best friend and suitor. my boy has no thoughts in his head i was him for world book day.

meg giry - christines current best friend! shes so cool in the movie shes a side but shes loyal, brave, and probably a lesbian. also shes cares so sososo much for christine im just. ough. la carlotta - they hate to see a girlboss winning :( shes literally done nothing wrong ever i adore her shes so extra and such a bitch aa <3 there are more but the first three are the most important

DIFFERENT MEDIA: theres a movie (2004) which stars gerard butler as erik and emmy rossum as christine who are both SO OSOSOSOSOOSO PRETTY !!!!!

in the movies, erik is portrayed as quite suave and dramatic, as well as agressive and fiercely obsessive. basically, the same as how he's portrayed in the rest of the media. also ! his name isnt included in both the movies or the musical. its also very aesthetically pleasing speaking of ! theres also a musical which is pretty well known, written by andrew lloyd webber. i would say my favourite actors, but it may be a little doxxy, so i'll refrain. however, i will say that sierra boggess, one of favourite christines is WOW ! she's fiesty and seductive, not as mild as the other portrayals. thats why i love the musical version, one because it is MAGICAL to watch irl and two becuase you can play around witht the characters to fit your eye. theres a book, which gives more insight into erik's past, and also several adaptations of the novel, the most notable being susan kay;s "phantom" CONTROVERSY: i will say that the toxic relationship between christine and erik is heavily romanticised, christine experiences a lot of stockholm syndrome (shes also swedish!) and she just has a Bad Time. however. its fiction and my taste in men is fucked up beyond belief! but many people dont see it that way since erik is a kidnapper/murderer, people are NOT happy that he is shipped and loved by so many people. but like man we know ! if this happened in real life we'd be outta there like a shot, if this was a REAL PERSON we would NOT be doing this! its ridiculous to me that so many people cannot grasp that this is fiction, an escape from the rules of the real world. CONCLUSION: its more than just a romance, its a study of so many different things, like how trauma can affect different people, how growing up in certain types of environments can shape a persons life. its more of a tragedy really, not a romance as much, so if you like media which leaves a hole in you only fanfic can fix this is def for you. if you want to get into it, i recommend starting with the musical or movie, probably the musical. i didnt do it justice with this ramble, honestly its incredible and theres endless interpretations and endings (i havent even mentioned the book!)

also all the songs slap and theyre majority operatic but modern!!!!!!!

#poto #asks #long post #phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #i could talk abt this for daysss #i havent even mentioned like most the stuff #or the spinoff sequel disaster

[lenighorl]

I Missed You, George!

A Joji fanfic because there’s not a lot on tumblr, it makes me sad.

Here I am celebrating the release of Joji’s New Album.

Themes: Smut ; LDR ; Break Up ; 18+

—————-

This is how our relationship ended.

“This is not working anymore. I’m sorry, Y/N. This is too much for me.” He said, hurtful yet filled with sorrow.

His thumb gently touching my arm as if to comfort me with this news. Shocked is one way to put it. I tried my best not to let my jaw hang along with the tears that started to stream down my face. It was so sudden. I was so confused. We were doing so good but ever since i shared my thoughts about wanting to go back to my home country, he seemed so bothered by it although he did try to hide it. But it was just a thought, I definitely would push that thought aside if he asked me to.

“Why are you being like this? Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough?”

“Of course, you’re enough! But I just can’t right now.”

Feeling my eyes burn from this, I pushed his hand away from my arms lightly and immediately wiped my tears away.

“Y-yeah, no, you wouldn’t even tell me why? I-I don’t deserve this, George.” I stood up and left his apartment.

Few messages were sent asking how I was, after answering coldly a few times, the messages eventually stopped coming in.

I figured, of course, he’s this world renowned musician, he had probably moved on. Besides, with his status, he could easily get whoever he wanted. I don’t even know how he liked me in the beginning. Im not the model type. I look like an average girl. I am an average girl. I am a nobody. Why did he make me feel this way only to break up with me without an explanation? My body is far from perfect but the way he touched and kissed and looked at me felt like I was the most beautiful thing in the world. But I guess, I was just a chapter in his life, and he was ready to turn to the next page.

————— one year and three months pass

“—the Japanese-Australian singer, Joji is finally coming here this coming Monday for his much awaited concert! Oh, I’m so excited for this!” says the local celebrity news caster on the tv.

I gasped. Joji knew where my home country was. We’ve talked so much about my culture and my family and he knew how much I missed them when I was in the US. The concert’s in a few days and although I have no intention of watching, I did think about how it would be like to be with him again. To touch him and kiss him. To cuddle and smell him again.

I miss you so much, George. You have no idea.

I miss you so much that it tears me up every time I would think about the pretty moments we shared. I remember everything. Even sitting on your lap and helping you shave, taking hot baths together when you’d come home to me tired from making music. Making you try a new recipe i made and you loving every dish because you’re such a foodie. Coming home and immediately laying almost on top of me in the couch, resting your chin on my chest, looking up at me with a pout and me kissing the pout away. I just wanna lay right by your side again, Joj.

*ding*

I checked my phone as I escape my thoughts of Joji. And— wait! Oh my God! No way!

Hey, Y/N! I heard you’re in (Y/country), come say hi to an old friend. I miss you.

A whole 15 minutes go by just thinking of a cool way to answer this. Of course, there’s nothing else I want in this world but to see you again, Joji but I must be cool and not look like a complete idiot puppy.

We set up the specifics and decided to meet at the hotel he’s staying at for dinner. The dinner will be served inside his hotel room to avoid getting seen by other people. He can’t have bad press or rumors now, he says. It made me sad but I know how fragile his mental health gets and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I had no right to.

—————

The pressure of choosing what to wear and how to present myself after over a year of not seeing Joji is intense. I put on a comfortable A-line dress, Sandals and some light make up. I don’t wanna seem like I put too much effort. Besides, things are over between us, right?

—————

1702. I knocked at his hotel room door and it didn’t take long until he opened the door. As the door opens, I put on a smile to maybe mask the nervousness I feel inside.

“Hey, Y/N!” He immediately envelops me in a tight hug, pulling me up slightly. I missed your scent, my georgie.

“I missed you too, Y/N. Even if you don’t want to say it.” Joji says smiling at me. He looked happy. It broke me a little seeing his smile because it’s probably not because of me.

“I missed you, Georgie!” I said passing him the bottle of wine I brought with me.

“Oooh, wine! You’re a changed woman now, Y/N. This used to be a bottle of tequila and cheap weed.”

I laughed as I sat in his bed.

“I love your new music, Joj. I’m so proud of you.” I stood up connecting my phone to the Bose Bluetooth Speaker in front of the TV.

I played “Ew” off of his new album.

“This is my personal favorite.” I look back at him, he nods as he sits on the end of the bed. He looked different, his face more serious.

Ooh, teach me to love just to let me go..

I sit beside Joji.

“How have you been, y/n?”

I froze a little seeing how serious he was and just like how I deal with stressful circumstances, I decide to act playful.

“Miserable without you!” I laughed slightly punching his shoulder. Well, this is awkward. But Joji, It was the truth.

While looking at the floor, a smile creeps up his face and says “Same.” He looks at me straight in the eyes, i avoided his stare and looked at the floor. My smile almost disappearing.

“Wanna order some food?” I said,

“What I want is to kiss you, Y/N.”

I feel my cheeks start to burn as I look back at him. Are we in a movie? I’m pretty sure this happens only in movies. Yes, George. I want to kiss you. I want more than just to kiss you.

I met his eyes and seeing his face look so tired and sad and lonely all of a sudden, I leaned in and kissed him.

Joji’s kisses were always deep, there’s a pull to them. Hard but gentle. Sensual and sweet. The kiss was slow. I held his face and his hands were on my waists.

He starts to go down on my neck. He felt so hungry. And like before, he didn’t care about what people would say if he marks his territory. His hands slipped inside my dress and he’s groping my thighs. My hands entangled in his hair. He gives a low groan as he pulls me to sit on his lap.

Oh, how I’ve missed this.

As Im Starting to feel myself well up and I feel George’s hands start to pull on my dress, I let him take it off of me. This leaves me in my bra and underwear. I stood up, and took his hands to motion him to stand too. I undressed him. And I kiss him again as I trace all of my favorite tattoos on him. I push him lightly to sit on the bed and knelt down in front of him.

I felt the hunger. This is really happening.

I stroked his hard member slowly and looked up at him. He’s looking down at me with those sleepy looking eyes. He grabbed my hair and pushed me on his throbbing cock.

I sucked on his cock like it was the end of the world. Between his moans and groans, i feel his hips move up and his hand on my head push me down until I could no longer handle his length. Seeing his legs twitch a little, I stopped.

I stood up. His eyes following my every movement. I looked at him too, just wanting him inside me. I took off my bra, took his hands and made him pull my panties down. I straddled him, kissing his lips and neck. Gently biting his ear when he’s busy with my breasts, feeling the tip of his hard cock poking my belly button.

“I’m so fucking wet, Joji.”

“Mmhm..” He says.

“I want you inside me, now.”

He stops licking and kissing my breasts and flips me on the bed until he’s on top of me.

“I missed you so much, baby.” he says as he trails kisses on my body. I let out a moan as his tongue reaches my clit. I grabbed the sheet with my left hand and put my hand on his head while he eats me.

“Oh fuck, you’re so good, baby!” I let out as i am running out of breath. My hips rotate along with his tongue on my clit. Pushing his head down as if there were still space to fill. He fingers me as he continuously ears me. He growls at my wetness. I moan louder and breathe heavier. I start to reach my climax, shaking as he licks me. He suddenly stops and that made me open my eyes and say “What the fuck, bitch?” He laughs. I notice his mouth and nose glistening from my wetness. He bends down and kisses me.

I break the kiss to say, “Please, Joji. Put your dick in me!” I plead.

“Yes, your majesty.” He chuckles then positions his dick at my entrance. He looks at me and kisses me as he enters me. I moan in between the kisses as he plays with my nipples with his fingers. He growls as his pace quickens.

“Yes, baby!” I let out. He grabs my arm and makes me turn around and be on my knees. My upper body and face on the sheets. Moans and groans fill the air. His grip on my hips are hard, the type where it might leave a bruise after but it’s fine because his dick was divine. It was worth the wait.

He grabs both of my arms as he fucks me senseless. I am now kneeling but my body is against his. I hear his growls. “Fuck, Y/N.” His pace starts to get sloppy. I moan out of pure satisfaction. “I’m so close, baby.” And As i said that, i started shaking. My hand on his nape as he palms by breast. As I moan, he starts groaning and with this I felt his hot cum shoot up inside me and start to drip down my inner thighs.

I turn around, we’re both out of breath. I give him a peck on the lips. His hands on my butt.

“I still love you, Joji.” I said breathlessly.

He didn’t reply. He looked at me deeply, but sad. I figured, Maybe he really doesn’t want me the way I wanted him. Saddened, I got up and cleaned myself in the bathroom. I came out and I see him laying under the sheets and just before I grab the first item of clothing, he says,

“Come here, Y/N.”

I went to the bed and hugged him. I rested my head on his chest.

“I’m sorry I broke up with you. Its just that when you said you wanted to go back home, I didn’t want to be the reason for you to stay. I know how much it killed you being away from your family.”

So that was the reason.

“But you were my family too, Joji. Still is. And maybe, you’re right. I would’ve stayed there with you but at least I wouldn’t suffer losing you.” I look at Joji with tears in my eyes.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you more, George.”

“Can we try again?

I laugh at his words. He wipes my tears away. I kiss him again.

“As long as you give me tickets to your show tomorrow.” I giggle.

“Fuck you!” He says in between his laughter as he gets up and lights a cigarette.

——————

Hope you like my first fic!

Ps. I used “Ew” for the storyline, alright?

Feel free to let me know about your thoughts.

❤️

#joji smut #george miller #joji fanfic #joji fic #joji miller #joji miller smut #joji miller fanfic

[chanstopher]

fam: something about fam always makes me think of a 2010 early K-pop vibes so in a way it is a nostalgic sound for me to hear again. we all know how cute the lyrics are and I am reminded how cute for a change, instead for the fans, they be penning for each other and making like a compliment relay. honestly who are skz's biggest fans if not skz themselves? - helloskz anon

ok im gonna put all of these under this ask and use a readmore so i dont have to bother anyone else by trying to answer these one at a time.

 i adore both versions of this song, i love that they really compliment and tease each other in the song, it really speaks a lot about their relationships as members and as friends. and i think the really electronic track definitely leans to a 2nd gen sound thats so true!

connected: this feels like a song that has the whole aesthetic of being secret lovers and taking the hidden, lesser roads to get away and be alone together in some 3 star motel where nobody knows the both of you and you talk to each other through 'body language'. 10 out of 10 vibes of one person in fwb catching feelings. not me listening and thinking well christopher, magnets are not the only things that can be connected :)

im so obsessed with this song the whole vibe is so good, i t makes me think of early zayn music which i know chris is a fan of. the song does have a really good vibe of being almost a secret i can totally see that, im just praying i never have to see what kind of choreo would go along with this song because i dont actually want to die thank you very much

limbo: it feels like the song is much shorter than it actually is even though it is 3 minutes but that is maybe the turmoil and emotions i went through while listening to this song idk. limbo makes me think of like someone going through the memories of their ex in their head and the more they keep going through the memories, the more the memories fade or wear off over time because of how often it is looked back on and you know how people say our memories are not reliable because we can remember things differently from what actually happened. they know they should move forward but they are stuck in limbo as looking back is the only way to see them again 😔

that is such a good theory, i havent really had the ability to take the song in in that way because i think im still just so focused on minhos vocals and like FINALLY getting a solo from him that i spend the entire song just squealing lmao but the darker meloncohlic vibe is not what i expected at all. honestly i assumed his and chris' song styles would be flipped because danceracha keeps putting out the more r&b songs as a unit and chris is sad™️ but this song really showed off minho's vocals which i appreciate because ive been screaming to no one for so long at how amazing he is

doodle: is that song where you can imagine in an underground club where all the cool, alternative kids hang out and give each other tattoos or something idk i was never cool. or alternatively, it gives me the vibes of changbin standing in the middle of like cars circling around him while he is rapping and there's fire burning around somewhere to show how fire he is. maybe some monster trucks thrown in here and there, dmx tricks somewhere. 10 out of 10 nobody will ever be cooler than changbin ever, confirmed.

doodle is exactly what i expected from changbin, it goes hard and fast the entire song and something about the way he says doodle really tickles my ear in the best way!

alien: to be very honest, i had only listen to alien once it first came out and i know, i know, it sounds like blasphemy for me to say that but i guess i was not in the right mind and mood to properly listen to it and i did not want those factors to spoil my actual feelings on the song. now that i am listening back to this, i can better appreciate him having made this song, a song that many of us have related to but still holding for a brighter tomorrow

alien is literally one of my favorite songs ever actually! its brought me a lot of comfort since he first released it so i listen to it constantly! if it had counted toward my music wrapped this year it would have been like my 3rd most listened to song lol its also the reason i have a tattoo for jisung

because: the song that is like the embodiment of a warm hug, hot chocolate and reassurances. especially remembering how this song came out around the time we had our hyunjin drought? this makes the song all the more special and sweet to me. to get a song with just changbin and felix on it, especially hearing them sing? we are blessed and spoiled by them, really. 

i think because perfectly sums up changlix and how soft they are together and toward each other! they’ve always has a particularly cute bond since the beginning and i think this song really suits them. and like u said its really like a soft hug

piece of a puzzle: now this, this is the song when i heard the snippet of it during that variety they did that is slipping my mind at the moment and 3racha was at chan's room working on this and up all night- ANYWAYS. sure the song got released on youtube but it's not the SAME as compared to being able to save it on spotify and experience the song completely. even though the lyrics are rather sad, in a way, it oddly comforts me.

to me this song sounds so much like its supposed to be an ost, something about the emotion of it really just feels like it should be playing in the background of important moments, and i agree being able to hear it crisp really amplifies just how amazing it is

wish you back: it is at this song that i had the realisation yet again for han's passion for music for not only the genres he explores but also how he has the most songs on this album as he is constantly working on music. music really does make him happy huh. we can always appreciate the interesting ways the boys are able to mix genres and even right now, the best i can think of is acoustic guitar tropical dance hall for this song? only these boys. 

HaPpY: if you were beautiful or letting go by day6 had an angsty but somehow chill lofi hip hop younger sibling, it would be this song. you can always depend on han to have generally upbeat sounding songs and then having lyrics that are the complete contrast to them. he really has us guessing his next move every single time and not knowing what to expect.

i think something about jisungs writing style is just so perfect, i always find myself drawn to the songs he writes the most. his solo things and the songs for their albums. he seems to be able to hit the nerve of hopeful melancholy so perfectly. i think he really knows how to embody the feeling of being someone in their 20′s trying to navigate their life and emotional changes

up all night: the best i can describe this feeling this gives me is you attending a halloween party and everyone that you thought that are just dressed up as these odd, mythical beings are just that, costumes but they are in actuality all these odd beings and the weird adventures you have at this party from dusk to dawn. 10 out of 10 more than willing to hang out with vampire skz even though they probably suck at it 

this song is so cute and fun and the fact that it was one of the first songs chris ever made makes it even more special, like he had it saved on his computer all this time to make something silly and cocky at the same time during a stressful time for everyone

drive: i think enough has been said and joked about drive and i have nothing else smart and witty to add to this conversation. but the two eldest knew exactly what they were doing and they can be all hehe coy about it but we know. we know they know. they knew what they were doing

so true, and its just such a good song, and as a massive minchan stan i live for it and appreciate it so much lol

ice cream: what a palate cleanser to have this as the last long huh? what more after drive. simple, sweet, melodic. they saw we needed peace and they delivered us ice cream. much appreciated and needed. i can attempt to peacefully go to bed despite the roller coaster ride of emotions this entire ass album put me through. but would i sign up for it again? exactly

hyunjin and his soft artful sweet voice finishing the rollercoaster of an album is truly perfection on their part.

#drm.ask #helloskz anon #these are all the ones i got i just saw ur newest ask

[transpecter]

sorry i'll go back to being horny in a minute but i just realized that i'm really, really, really fucking lonely. lonelier than ive been in years. this blog is the only thing that has ever made me feel desirable and yet i know the only reason why that's happening is because you don't know what i look like, and nobody ever will, because there is no outcome that results in anything positive. im not fishing for compliments either, i don't want people to know what i look like and i don't want to be told "noo youre beautiful" when it doesnt even matter.

whenever i'm feeling insecure about how i look it's always the same answers from my friends. they always talk about something i chose. your hair is cool, thanks it's dyed, i chose it. you have a good sense of style, thanks, i chose it. every thing anyone ive ever met has liked about my appearance has been chosen, not something i can change. and i feel like an asshole for being picky about it. i should be glad they have anything good to say about what i look like, but for once i wanna feel like i'm attractive because i look the way i do, not in spite of it. I am thankful that they think these things about me. i just never hear it when i'm feeling good about myself.

so i look however you all want me to look. some skinny twink, sure. a big bear with a beard? alright. some muscle hunk? whatever floats your boat. it's not about what i look like, because for once, people can get past what i look like and go straight to my words. which i think have infinitely more value than my face or body.

sorry. i know you guys come to the porn blog for the sad self loathing posts haha but youll get your fix soon, promise. for now i just sorta wanna stare at the ceiling.

#vent post #personal tag #delete later #probably.