Some ramblings down below about my weekend...
Ok so, I'm (unsurprisingly) the introvert, at home by 10pm type, I gave up on dating apps a long time ago, never been in a relationship.
But I'm on training right now and with a load of people around the same age/a little bit younger and we've been going out once in a while to the same pub together, everyone has their own little group, so we don't all know each other that well. So I went with my friends on the course on Saturday to the pub and after a while other trainees arrived there too.
There was this guy who was friendly with some of my friends (who are way more social than me/more extroverted), and we got talking.
I didn't think too much of it at the time, but I didn't want to look at him too directly, I didn't think too much of it, I'm just shy especially around people I find 'good looking' (to me, I thought he looked cool). He came off a little awkward as well, which put me more at ease. He's neurodivergent like I am and we related a bit over that and he and some others started a back and forth of puns that were funny.
It was great getting to know him and the other more familiar faces to me, so I was having a relatively good time being social, (teensy bit anxious but that was more about other things going on rather than the social situation).
Anyways, our mutual friends pull me aside later on and then start going on about how they've never seen me so comfortable with someone else and they know I'm single already, and started theorising about matchmaking us two together, I found it very amusing at first, thinking they were teasing mostly, but they were fairly serious saying that they knew him and our personalities we'd be a good match, just raised my anxiety up and I was quite tired (and tipsy), because I totally wasn't expecting them to bring anything like this up. My insecurities just rapidly took hold and I ended up leaving not soon after. I'm kind of kicking myself over it cause I'm happy being single and done a lot for myself in being open to something romantic happening for me, but it being brought up so suddenly ended up spooking me!
It's only been a day, but now my friends pointed it out, I can't stop thinking about how easy it was to talk to this guy. I have no idea what to do or say to my friends either ...
I can't really tell my parents, they're very supportive, but I know they'd have nothing constructive to say about the situation 😅 I've been single for too long apparently, and would go nuts if they knew I liked him a little, sooo that's why I'm venting here ...
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
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ramadan mubarak to all those who are observing. may this holy month soothe all of the aches lingering in your heart, wash away whatever burdens that may be weighing you down, reward you for all of the sacrifices that you have had to make in order to survive, shine light through whatever darkness that has made you doubt your place in this world, and grant you the inner peace, genuine happiness, and relief that you have been praying so patiently for.
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