#that's why I'm becoming a psych major

[solaariia]

the self-concept

hellour! this is gonna be a long post!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

i was studying for my social psychology course today (for context i'm a psych major) and read something that might be helpful for everyone who's been having doubts about manifestation subconsciously being part of our everyday lives—as opposed to something made up by the internet.

the information i'm about to provide is from actual sociologists and psychologists, so this is rooted in studies. i promise i'm not about to pull info out of my ass! this is mainly just a very very brief summary of the self concept chapter we're reading about in class.

side note, i named all the researchers in case you wanna check out their work yourself! i made this post to provide insight about our self-concept and clear limiting beliefs. :)

what is self-concept?

so we hear the term self-concept a lot in the manifestation community. Neville, Edward, Sammy, Dr Joe Dispenza, bloggers on tumblr… all of them talk about it all the time. but what does it actually mean?

the self-concept refers to the total sum of beliefs that people have about themselves. it consists of cognitive molecules that social psychologist Hazel Markus called self-schemas. these are the beliefs about ourselves that guide the processing of self relevant information. but what does this actually mean?

well, self-schemas are to the self-concept what books are to a library. if someone asks about yourself, you will probably answer with something quick like: “i am a woman” or “i am a student.” those simple attributes are part of your self-schema; if we want to go deeper, body weight is also a self-schema. for people who regard weight as a crucial part of their beliefs, something simple like a gym trip with friends or buying stuff at the supermarket may trigger thoughts about the self. but if a person is aschematic (not concerned by a certain attribute) about body weight, no thoughts will pop up.

we already know that the self is a special object of our attention. whether its a thought or a song, our consciousness is like a spotlight. this means that it can shine on one object at one point in time, yet shift rapidly from one object to another and process information outside of awareness. in this spotlight, the self is at the forefront of our minds. its what's most important to us at that moment. keep this in mind for later!

to finish with the explanations, neurologist Oliver Sacks highlighted two important points about the self:

🩷 there is a private “inner” self, and an “outer” self we show to others. if we don’t self reflect to understand how were feeling, how will we understand our emotions and actions?

🩷 the self is heavily influenced by social factors.

now–what does that last point mean? well, what we think about ourselves is rooted from childhood. if we grow up hearing “you’ll never amount to anything” or “you’re my favorite child” (extreme examples i know), then that's what we’ll ingrain in our self-concept. this notion brings me to the fun stuff–the studies!

is self-concept scientifically proven?

psychologist Gordon Gallup performed a series of studies where he put animals in front of a mirror to test if they could recognize themselves. at first, they vocalized and greeted themselves in the mirror (my dog did this too when he was a pup, he would bark at his own reflection and play with it), but after several days, only great apes seemed capable of self recognition, using the mirror just like any other human would. grooming themselves, making faces… in short, they recognized themselves!

why do i bring this experiment up? well, this proves that the concept of “me” is necessary to define our self-concept. we must first recognize ourselves as Something to become Someone.

using that same study in humans, this process of self-recognition begins between 18-24 months. which means that from this point onwards we start to define Self (consciousness).

you might read this and–admittedly–think: “oh this blog post hasn’t said anything about manifestation!” true, but i want to present the basics or self-concept first to understand how it affects our daily thoughts!

there was another experiment we talked about in one of my lectures (i do not remember who performed this study specifically, but Dr Patrick Heck did one similar to this one and the results were the same), where participants were told to take a test. half of them were told to boast about themselves, and the rest were instructed to describe themselves modestly. naturally, participants who spoke highly of themselves scored higher on these tests than participants who didn’t. so… you all see where i’m going with this.

remember how i said to keep the “consciousness is a spotlight” paragraph in mind? i’ll finally touch on it with this next and last thing i’m gonna talk about (in this post at least!).

we already established that the first step in the evolution of our self-concept is the ability to recognize ourselves as Someone. the second step, however, involves social factors. sociologist Charles Horton Cooley introduced the term looking-glass self to suggest that other people serve as a mirror in which we see ourselves. and another sociologist by the name of George Herbert added that the only way to know ourselves is by imagining the opinions of our significant others and applying them to our self-concepts. sounds familiar?

how do i change my self-concept?

Neville mentioned the “mirror-self” on his conferences too. he said that one of his favorite techniques to better his Self was to imagine a loved one speaking kindly of himself. in his book Your Faith is Your Fortune, Neville wrote: “Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.”

since the self-concept is a library (our perception of Self) made out of self-schemas (books brought to us by our peers), we can see that sometimes, what we think of ourselves is just an amalgamation of beliefs implanted to us by the people in our lives. so if we were given these books we don’t like, why should we keep them in our library?

to change these negative beliefs we have about ourselves, all we have to do is replace them with positive ones. i know, i know, this is what every person who studies loa and manifestation regurgitates over and over. its nothing that hasn’t been posted to numerous blogs or twitter threads before.

however, the point about this whole post is to tell you why that is the only way to change your self-concept. if your daily thoughts are filled with phrases like: “my sp doesn’t want me” and “i’m so broke” or “what’s the point? this is all worthless anyways.” STOP. DROP. CHANGE.

journal. write your limiting beliefs in your ipad, paper, wood, stone–whatever.

use your hands to apply muscle memory. once you have them, CROSS THEM OUT!

i can’t manifest = I CAN MANIFEST EVERYTHING I WANT

i hope i shift tonight = I KNOW I SHIFT EVERY NIGHT

i wish i had money = I HAVE ALL THE MONEY I WANT AND MORE

just those small changes are enough to rewire your entire self-concept. also, exposure. the more exposure you have to something, the more insecure it will make you. if you’re having a hard time manifesting, remove all blogs, twitter accounts, and people that limit your beliefs. less exposure to negativity = less negativity reflected in your self-concept.

problems with the Self will always be there. if you remove a negative belief, another will pop up. all you can do is learn more about your “inner” self and recognize how you’re feeling. what you can do is focus on the positives, and automatically, your self-concept will change.

persist in the assumption until it becomes your reality!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

thank you all for making it this far! just in case, the book i got this information from is Social Psychology 11th Edition authored by Kassin, Fein and, H.R. Markus. there’s a lot of interesting information on this academic book that is similar to the ones Dr Joe Dispenza has written, so i could make another post like this in the future! take care!

#loa tumblr #law of assumption #loassumption #self concept #informative #social psychology #neville goddard #reality shifting #psychology #shiftblr #reya singh #shifting #edward art #quantum jumping #void state #research

[soylikethedrink]

Forbidden By Nature

A bird and dog shouldn't be together. You knew that. But you found it hard to resist against the handsome drinksmith at the bar. If people were to know about your secret relationship with him, it wouldn't look too good for you, a Halovian from the Oak Family. And it wouldn't be too good of news to your two siblings, Robin and especially Sunday, who strongly detested the 'despicable and wicked' dog.

⚠️ Tags & Warnings: GN Reader, Infidelity, Major and Minor Character Deaths.

⚠️ Note: Major spoilers from the 2.1 patch. This was also written before the release of 2.2 patch. I'm 100% cooked if Gallagher is actually a nice guy.

Sunday prided himself in his leadership. One could not deny that he was a man of many fortes. His great wit, and his erudition, and his unbreakable composure, these qualities made him worthy of being the head of the Oak family. 

And then there was sweet-faced Robin. While Halovians were naturally born with an attractive aura, Robin could easily draw crowds and crowds of people from different planets with just her voice alone. It wasn't much of a wonder that she climbed her way up in stardom with little effort.

Unlike your siblings, you weren’t interested in the spotlight. Being in the center of the spotlight means that you must possess the voice that the people want to hear and listen to, you must have a face that is easily distinguishable among rows and rows of people, and you must have a heart that naturally desires to be adored. And frankly, none of these appealed much to you. 

But one should not presume that your lack of interest in the world of celebrities implied that you weren’t promised for greatness. 

You were well-versed in the world of business. Your social networking skills were of top-notch quality. Negotiation comes naturally to you. While Robin found joy dancing and singing on the shining stage, your happiness lied under stacks and stacks of wealth and luxuries. Your riches were forged by your own sweat, blood, and tears and most knew that. 

Though some people would have assumed that greed would eventually have spoiled your heart to the rotten core, you would continually prove them wrong. As someone who knew the language and the culture of business, you decided to pass it all to Sunday. At young, he became well-acquainted with the mortal psyche. He knew about the worlds that they wanted to walk on, the lullabies that they wanted to hear of, and the lives that they wished they had. With the help of your connections, he easily made his way up. And before you even know it, he became the head of the Oak Family. 

And this went the same for Robin. As you weren't very fond of the life of celebrities, you faced some obstacles in conditioning her up for success. But you disliked failures, hence why Robin managed to become a top star at a young age with your help, despite the disagreements and disputes that you faced by the people in your surroundings. You then received Sunday’s assistance, who helped his sister to adapt to the life of a star. 

Because of you, the two of your siblings were well-known figures in Penacony. 

Your achievements alone served as the evidence of your success, thus bringing some clarification towards your prestige in the world of the rich. 

But you didn’t reach this elevated level of success overnight. You had some help here and there. Met a few people, some that you shouldn't even acknowledge. 

“Gallagher?” Your voice was pitched with curiosity, as you swirled the drink inside the glass by the stem. “Gallagher, the member of the Bloodhound family?”

Your maid nodded her head in confirmation. “He shared with me that he would like to meet you soon, and asked when you will be free.”

The sip from the drink trickled down to your throat. But the sip could not muster a quick answer out of you. You thought deeply on how you should approach the situation. The kick from the aftertaste finally booted out a response out of you. 

“There's no need for such a formal arrangement. We were close friends,” you said calmly.  “He can meet me right now if he wants to.”

Your maid gave you a second nod, before walking around. As her hand rested around the doorknob, you loudly said, “Actually, he doesn’t need to see me. I will see him myself. It would have been easier for both parties.”

Your maid pinched her eyebrows together confusedly at your suggestion. “But what would they think about—”

Her question was interrupted by the clinking sound of the glass against the table. Raising from your seat, you gathered your purse in your hand. You reassured her, “Don’t fret about it.”

When the door opened, you swung your car keys between your fingers. “I’ll be home around 8 PM. You know what to do if I'm not home by then.”

Before your maid could even argue against your departure, the door behind you was already slammed shut. 

You were an individual who marched forward with a well-strategized stride. It was an uncommon sight to see you standing still, feeling lost. You always knew what to say, when to act. It was almost as if living was natural for you. 

But anyone who observed you from a distance, knew that there were rare moments where there was a crack in the facade you wore. 

Heels clicked against the marble floor, turning the heads of the few customers in the bar. You sat at one of the empty seats, before placing your purse on the table. You wiggled yourself out of your coat, folding it neatly before placing it on the seat next to you. 

Closing your eyes, you indulged in the noises and chatters of the bar. The bar didn’t have too many attendees. But you were hardly bugged by it, as a quiet bar had a greater appeal to you. 

A glass was placed in front of you. It was filled to the brim with a pink juice, in which you suspected it to come from the finest of strawberries. Lemon slices were floating on the surface, with a sticker of the top-star celebrity of Penacony being plastered at the corner of the drink. The presentation of the drink was endearing, you would say. Especially given your background. 

Strangers would have been confused by the strange gesture. But you were no stranger to this place.

“Aw, how sweet.” Your hand reached out for the drink, as the ice cubes clinked against the glass. Even by a simple glance, you could easily guess it. Rose In Rain. 

Before you could even have a sip of it, you can already taste the flavors of the drink melting into your tongue. “It’s not a wonder that the bar has managed to retain its popularity among people of all classes.” 

With a very composed air, the drinksmith pronounced his response, “This is simply a part of my job. There’s no need for such flattery.”

He grabbed a towel, as he began drying the newly-cleaned glasses.

“Surely, a part of your job does not include you offering such a special treatment to his customers,” You teased, as you brought the drink close to your lips. “And why, I wonder. Are you interested in me, Mr. Gallagher?”

He kept the towel away, and you noticed that the folds were rather uneven. His lack of verbal response might imply disinterest, but his body language was telling you a different story. 

“Yes. Because no member from the Oak family, who are raised with wealth and riches, would spend the night in such a shabby, gloomy bar with moody bartenders. How could I not be interested when met with such abnormality?”

“Abnormality,” you repeated after him playfully. “How awful! I used to be addressed by such endearments, now I’m reduced to an abnormality. Do you detest me that much, Mr. Gallagher?”

You attempted to tease an answer out of him, as you slowly stroked his leg with the tips of your heels. 

“And here I thought that you would have a change of character after successfully climbing up in the social hierarchy,” he commented flatly. 

“Let me hear it.”

“Feisty, birdie,” he said in a voice that was tinged with slight amusement. With arms crossed against his chest, he asked in a huff, “Don’t say you come all the way here for that?”

“No,” you denied. “My maid came here telling me that you would like to discuss some matters. I just thought that it would be convenient to come here instead of the other way around.”

“Well, the discussion is not bar-friendly, I would say. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

An exasperated sigh came out of your mouth. “I’m assuming it involves Sunday.”

When your younger brother’s name rolled out of your tongue, there was a slight disdainful glance towards you. “Spot-on. Quite impressive, really.”

“Give him time.”

“And will time grow him out of tyranny?” asked Gallagher. 

“Tyranny?” You repeated him again. But instead of uttering it in a playful chirp, your tone was raised in frustration. “You’re speaking nonsense. He is controlling and demanding, but none of that fits what people might consider a tyrant. You need to kill someone to become one. And I don’t recall my younger brother getting involved in a manslaughter case.”

You slowly pushed the drink away from your sight. You continued, “I come here with the intention to have some fun. Let’s not sour the mood with such hostile arguments.”

“Sunday is young, and inexperienced in this kind of position. But he’s fast-learner. With his wits and charms, it wouldn’t take that much time for him to grow and become a proper man,” you defended.

There was an unusual pause in the conversation. And for some reason, the hairs on your arms stood up from the freezing air around you. Too cold for your liking. Not only the air, but also the man in front of you. Too cold for your liking.

“A higher position comes with higher ambitions, and followed with a higher price,” your voice dropped at a lower note, while shrugging your shoulders. “It’s just the way it is.”

He hummed in response. “It comes naturally out of you.”

Your forehead wrinkled at his remark, but before you could question his comment, he cut you to it: “Almost as if you are speaking about yourself.”

“Funny,” you said, feigning amusement. You heaved out a sigh of exasperation, your gaze fallen on the shiny counter. Your tongue no longer longed for the sweet, pink juice that was served earlier. “Let’s settle this with civility. We don’t need to jab at each other’s faults and families. To be insulting and mocking one another relentlessly is very unprofessional of us, who are known as the people who oversee all of Penacony’s matters.”

“Ah, I see. We are colleagues now.”

You closed your eyes, as you swallowed the rising anger that nearly escaped from your throat. “Yes. What else would we be?”

“Old friends?”

“Stop,” you commanded. Though your lips curled into the sweet smile, the white feathers on your wings started slicking down out of fury. 

“Stop?” He raised his eyebrows, amused at your attempt in concealing your anger. “I’m pointing out facts. There’s no need to get riled up over the truth. As someone who values honesty, I don’t understand why you are upset at the mention of our relationship.”

You exploded in fits of laughter at his provocation. The hand covering your mouth was an attempt in restoring your graceful image. And though the corner of your eyes wrinkled in delight, there was a mischief gleam shining in your eyes.

“Ah. I see it now. Well, forgive me for acting all uptight earlier. I seem to have forgotten that dogs need plays and treats in order to feel fulfilled in life,” you mocked. 

“And where’s my treat?” he asked, playing along with you. 

You grinned back at him, with your nose scrunched in slight repulse. “You will get your treats when you shut up about us. Alright, puppy?”

“No problem, birdie. As long as you could convince your bird friends that they wouldn't be chirping around about our reconciliation. ‘Don’t want to be on the bad side of your spouse. ‘Heard that they’re a scary person.”

“Fine,” the smile on your lips was now hanging loosely. “If that’s what you want the most.”

“Now, here’s where you are wrong. That’s not what I want the most.”

Your face scrunched into confusion, but how the corner of your lips twitched implied that you were not very happy with the way he was leading the game. 

“Then?” you dared yourself to ask. “Tell me. What is it that you want?”

He took out the container of washed blueberries, tossing them in the blender. 

“You,” he answered. It was such a plain reply that was pronounced in a flat tone but it had such a strong effect on you.

The chair that you were sitting in was very uncomfortable, you suddenly noticed. 

“You are a little quiet. Bet your mouth dry,” he asked. He threw out the first drink that was served for you, as he replaced it with a new one. You observed the drink, as the radiant, yet somewhat gloomy, blue color of the juice was toned down by your shadow that loomed over it. “Drink up.”

“Do you mean it?” you asked. “Do you want me?”

“Yes,” he answered. 

“After all these years?” again, you asked. But this time, with the intention to confirm. 

The toughest challenge in the world was no longer convincing the other four families that your brother was not a despicable, hellish being. But rather maintaining a simple eye contact with your first love at his bar.

He nodded his head. “How is that shocking to you?”

“It’s shocking to me because it has been so long. Was it like, 9— no, 12 years?” 

“13 years,” he confirmed. “I waited for 13 years. For you.”

“That sounds ridiculous,” your wings tucked closely to your neck, as they hid in your hair. “Not only that, this seems like what? A poor attempt to lure me in your little trap? But this. This whole thing— it’s not something that you could blurt out so loudly. Especially in a bar where we have eyes everywhere. What would my spouse think about this, what would Sunday and Robin think that their older sibling is out fraternizing with the drinksmith while their spouse is waiting for them at home?”

“You already spelled it all out. There’s not much for your ‘baby brother Sunday’ to figure out why this reunion was such a big deal,” Gallagher teased. With a shrug, he corrected you, “You got one part wrong though.”

This man. 

“Mind telling me?” You were greatly exasperated at this point. 

“I don’t like how the drinksmith sounds. How about your ex-boyfriend?”

Your hand reached out for your purse, and then the coat that you threw over on the next seat. In a hurry, you rose from your seat. “If this is what we are doing, then I’m leaving.”

As you turned your back against him, he walked around the counter as he chased after you. “Hey,” he called. “Don’t get all pissy about it. Teasing used to be our language. Remember?”

At the corner of your eyes, you took notice that one of the bartenders immediately took over Gallagher’s job. You had a hunch that they had been observing you two in a while. Even guessing what they could have heard gave you a headache.

But the man who was following you from behind was ticking you off even more. Even when you were both outside of the bar, he was still trailing you behind like a puppy. 

Finally, you spun around, now facing him. Baring your gritted teeth, you hissed, “I’m not going to lose my dignity tonight just because you—” You pointed your finger towards him, “—couldn’t move on from the past. I have a reputation, Gallagher. So do you. But unlike you, I care deeply about my image. So, let’s just bid our farewells. It’s for the best of us.”

He seemed to be taken aback by your fierce statement. With his hands placed on his hips, he dramatically tapped his foot against the ground a few times before shaking his head, “Wow. People weren’t lying at all. You changed.”

“So?”

Your jeer was barely registered into his head. With his chin slightly tilted upward, he continued, “You really did lose yourself to the riches and fame.”

The feathers of your wings hackled in anger. “And you changed too. It’s hard to believe that the lone wolf of Bloodhound family has now decided to be gossipy, and the first thing that he did is to believe some moronic rumors. Fuck off, Gallagher.”

“Did your partner teach you that?”

“Teach me what?”

“Teach you to curse,” he said, as he pulled out a cigarette box from the pocket of his pants. “Because I’m tellin’ you right now, they’re doing a poor job.”

You shook your head in disbelief. You huffed, “Why are you so against my marriage? Do you hate to see me happy, is that it?”

With nonchalance, he nodded his head in confirmation. “Yes. I’m unhappy that you are with them.”

“And so? Do you want me to toss my future away with them just because of what?” You gestured towards him angrily, “Some man?”

“Now it’s some man. Back then, you used to call me cuter names than that,” he teased. “Actually, it sounded even better when you moaned it out in bed,” a muffled groan escaped from his lips as he thought of all the good times you two shared. Well, it was all funny memories now. 

“Should I list it all down right now, birdie?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. “How would you prefer me to do it? Should I yell it out so that the whole world knows about your secret scandal with the drinksmith from the Bloodhound family?”

You leaned forward towards him, as he pretended to flinch. Your wings flipped angrily, messing up your hair. “Cut it, dog.”

“Oh, I will,” he agreed, with the tone of his voice now lowered. “But only if you tell me why you left me for that stupid chicken you married to.”

“They’re Halovian, not a chicken,” you exasperatedly corrected him. 

You look at a distance, as you wrung your brain out for an appropriate answer. While you thought deeply on what to say, Gallagher caught a glimpse of the wedding band around your ring finger. 

“Are they wealthy?” he risked another jab. “Old money, or new money?”

“Old,” you answered flatly while rolling your eyes.

He hummed. “So I guessed it right.”

Gallagher pulled out the cigarette out of the box, before putting it between his lips. He patted on his pockets for his lighter.

But you were quicker. You pulled out the lighter from your purse, as you lit it up the end of the cigarette. The light from the fire shone on your face. 

And out of sudden, his intense hatred towards you slowly burned away along with the ashes from the cigarette he was smoking.

You were annoying, that was for the first fact. While the second fact, you were dangerously beautiful. 

“Maybe if I wasn’t much of a social climber, I wouldn’t leave you,” you suddenly confessed. “But I wanted all the fame and the wealth. Because I have a family to support. If I were to run off and marry the guy I actually liked, there’s no such thing as Sunday the Allegedly Tyrannical Leader of the Oak Family or A-List Celebrity Robin in the news and other media outlets. They were out there, taking jobs of some rich pigs. Not living comfortably as today.” 

Now, his mouth felt dry. And the air around him felt hot, making him sweaty and uncomfortable.

With your arms crossed and your wings slightly droopy, you continued, “I saw the ring in your pocket when I was cleaning the house before we broke up.”

Gray smoke escaped from his cracked lips. “You did?”

By the tone, it was clear that it wasn’t your confirmation that he needed. Rather, he wanted your clarification on why you decided to ditch him out of nowhere. 

“You never told me that you wanted to be more than just that,” you said.

“Sucks to know that you hate surprises right now.”

Even in moments of a heated dispute, Gallagher would try to twist it into a comedy. 

“I wanted to make a name for myself in the Penaconian society. And the only way for me to do so was to make myself seen by these prominent people. At the banquet, at the ball, at the party, or at the bar,” you explained.

“I didn’t want to be a nobody. I wanted to become somebody. In that way, my siblings can live an easy life, without some rich snobs telling them what to do, and what to say. How to dress and when to speak. I lived that life. That was how I realized how irksome it was, and how I refused to let it happen to my siblings.”

You looked down to your feet, as your shoes reflected your face. All the treatments you received to retain your youthful beauty, but yet you hardly felt that your younger self was with you. Your younger self wouldn’t make that many excuses. They weren’t avoidant — they faced all obstacles head first with a feisty spirit. But nowadays, even a confrontation from a past lover can get you this upset. 

“It wasn’t a part of my plan to be pinned down by marriage. I was just taken aback by the sudden shift of our relationship, so I left. I worked for a few more years, then I received a marriage proposal from them. Old money, goal-oriented, business-minded. I knew two things when I saw them. That marrying them means that I could finally retire from all that social-climbing and establish myself among the elites. And marrying them means that my siblings have a greater chance to become successful. It would be a great investment, really,” you explained. 

“But I didn’t like them that much.” you reassured him. “They were good, but only enough to make me feel wanted. To them, I was just an accessory for him to flaunt off to his rich friends. They lie sometimes, even to me. I can see it right through them,” you admitted. “They lie to feel respected and liked. To fit in, sometimes. And I guess whatever they say about marriage is true. You will slowly become them, whether you like it or not.”

“So let me get this straight. He didn’t teach you to curse, but he did teach you to lie so  you could look better than everyone?” Gallagher joked bitterly. He looked at you up and down, “Yeah, I see it now.”

You decided to ignore him. 

“I liked you because unlike other people I have met, you were truthful. You didn’t treat me like a sweet candy meant to be tasted, or an object that was meant to be possessed. You were honest and you were genuine. I knew it by the first time we just met, when you dissed me about my drink order,” you laughed a bit. “What was it? My first order? Oh, dearest Xipe, I think I forgot about it.”

“Mungbean Soda. With that distressed look on your face, I knew that a few shots of Stellar Champagne was all you needed to keep yourself composed while dealing with those aristocrats,” he answered.

“So then I decided to take your recommendation.”

“Which was Rose In Rain. A classy and sweet choice, but strong enough to make you forget all your miseries for the night.”

“And it was delicious. That tipsiness made me realize how kissable you were, especially under that dimmed, yellow light,” you finished your sentence. 

“Am I still kissable now?” he teased, as he blew the smoke from his mouth. When he took notice of your irked glare, he raised your hands up in defense. “Hey, ‘just confirming.”

“Annoyingly kissable,” you replied. 

You watched the direction of his eyes fall to your lips. And just by a simple stare, you could feel all the blood from your feet and legs go up to your face, making your cheeks and neck feel hot. 

When he removed the cigarette from his lip, he slowly leaned forward. Your breath hitched up in response, he noticed. So he stopped. 

What filled in the air was the strange silence, the acrid smoke and your guilt. 

“What’s stopping you, then?” he asked softly.

Honestly, it was a difficult question to answer. Could it be that it had been an hour past eight. Or it could have been the wedding ring around your finger. Or it could have been because the way your stomach churned at the bitter smell of his cigarette reminded you of why you left Gallagher that day.

“I don’t know,” but your eyes told a different story.

His hand reached out for you, and as he interlocked your fingers with him, he played with the ring, twisting and turning it. But he knew what was your answer when your fingers curled in your palm, suggesting that you refused to let go of the ring.

“Oh, but I think I know,” he answered.

A worried sigh came out of your mouth. “I can’t leave all of this behind. I climbed too high, I’m not sure how to get down. If I choose to go down with you now, the fall would be too painful. And I don’t even know if I could survive through it.”

There was too much running in his head. His thoughts fly from one extreme to another. It was impressive that you could easily turn a decisive, composed man into such a mess: where he struggled to feel pity for you or just kill you off on the spot. 

“Why didn’t you want to be with me?” he asked, losing the childish accents in his voice.

“Marrying you was a choice, marrying them, however, was a necessity,” you answered. The softness in your voice felt like a sharp piercing through his heart. “A bird can’t be with a dog. That’s unnatural.”

Quietude witnessed the way you looked at each other longingly. While your heart weighed with guilt and shame, his mind was congested with frustration and anger. But yet, both secretly longed for each other. 

“But  I refuse to accept it as the truth. No, not when I keep on missing you for all these years.”

Before he could come up with a cheeky reply, you shushed him from his sarcastic remarks by resting your hand on his cheek, bringing his face to yours. Your soft lips pressed against his bloodless and dry ones. The heat from a sinful kiss engulfed the two of you closely, burning the part of your skin on your back that he gently touched. His hand rested on your lower back, bringing you closer to him. You could feel his beard tickling your chin, and he could smell your perfume in his nostrils. The bitter taste of his alcohol that he downed melted in your tongue, causing you to groan in delight.

The kiss lasted a few minutes, but you wished it could go on for hours. 

“For the last time,” you reminded him, your thumb rubbing his cheek in circles. “There will be no longer us after this.”

You stepped away from him, as your wings shyly closed your mouth while you were cleaning off your lips with the back of your hands. 

“You sure?” he asked breathily, his pale lips now stained with a crimson-colored lipstick. He might have to lie to everyone that he was drinking too many bottles in the Soulglad in the past few days (though Soulglad was clearly orange.)

“Yes,” you confirmed. You took a few steps backwards. With your hands gathered together, you gracefully bowed your head towards him. An act of courtesy which also served to restore your damaged dignity as a married person from an honorable family. 

“Goodnight, Gallagher.”

You waited for his response, but all he did was stare at you. The light from the lamp above you started flickering, before it completely went out.

Was it longing on his face? It was difficult to make out his expression, especially when the shadow covered him.

You guessed that it was hard to bid goodbyes after such a kiss. 

But for some reason, you felt shivers running down your spine. Beads of sweat were forming on your neck from the cold. Your mind was sending rapid signals to your legs: alerting it to run immediately.

Though your sudden instinct to run was scaring you, you calmed down your nerves by guessing that it could have been because of the kiss. 

Your thoughts were quietened when you saw the shadow of Gallagher rolling his thumb against the metal wheel of his lighter that he pulled out of his pocket.

Yes, yes. It must have been the kiss.

You were scared of your partner leaving you. Or Sunday being humiliated at his work because of his older sibling’s infidelity with some member from the Bloodhound family. And it could be because that person happened to be his colleague who kept on riling him up at work. Or maybe you were afraid that your scandal could create a blemish on Robin’s reputation as a celebrity. Now the whole world assumed that she was a dirty popstar.

But it didn’t seem that your body was agreeing with any of those guesses. 

Gallagher’s frustrated grunt at the stubborn lighter shushed your thoughts again.

You came to notice that your white wings were quickering badly. 

There was too much happening at the moment. You were so overwhelmed by the urge to flight, that you felt that you could vomit on the spot. 

Suddenly, a thought came to you.

His cigarette was already lit up. So what could be the reason why he pulled out his lighter?

The flame from the lighter brought some light to his face, but the sight of the man you used to love led to you gasping in horror. It was gloomy with burning hatred, the glare alone could almost kill you on the spot.

But before you could ask, a mysterious sound of ringing pierced through your eardrums. It belonged to no other but Memory Zone Meme, a secret from The Family that were kept away from you. You could feel it slowly spread its wings, which resembled the terrible noise of bone-cracking. 

You gathered the courage to turn around. But it perceived the sudden movement of its prey as an attempted fight. Feeling threatened, it stabbed its stingers through your body. The ground was splattered with a mysterious blue liquid, followed by the sound of your wedding ring rolling and spinning in circles. 

Your purse that was hanging around your arm was now on the other side of the ground. 

The outside of the dark bar that was filled with heated arguments and sweet confessions earlier died out, with only silence remaining. 

Well, only for a few minutes.

A melodious voice of Robin was heard, muffled by the zipped purse. Your phone rang a few times, playing the same music. It appeared that the caller was worried. Or angry. 

Gallagher crouched down, unzipping your purse. He groaned in repulse when the blue liquid stuck to his skin, as he wiped it down on his pants. He took out your phone, as the name of your spouse filled his vision. 

Your phone was flooded with notifications of your worried partner, asking about your whereabouts. 

Ah, you were supposed to be home by 8 PM. He looked at the time, it was already 9:30 PM.

In your defense, he would also be sneaking around to kiss a drinksmith at the bar if he had an overbearing partner like yours.

He thought of sharing the news of your infidelity.

But then, he scrapped the thought. He wanted to respect your wishes. Something about how the story of tonight was going to destroy Sunday and Robin’s image. Or something similar to that. He didn’t remember much because he hardly cared about your siblings.

It was not like all your siblings had the time to process your death, especially when they were next in line.

So he came up with a different plan. Your password was easy to guess. It wasn’t difficult with the help of your maid who used to work under him. 

A flash from the camera was heard. The phone captured the scene of a mysterious liquid splattered across the ground, with the gold-colored wedding ring shining brightly under the light, with some being covered by the puddle of your remains. 

Along with the picture, he texted, “Not coming home tonight, sorry.” 

He later pressed the send button, before tossing the crushed phone into the trash. 

The plan was to kill you off in your house. But you made it easy for him instead. He was amused, really. 

But his amusement was short-lived. He was disgusted at the sight of your wedding ring, which stared back at him menacingly. He kicked the ring into the trash as well. He wasn’t an expert in the art of interior designing, but he hated the ring being near his bar. It was ugly, hardly matched the aesthetics of his business.

But your finger wouldn’t be too lonely without the ring. Not when he still had the same wedding band from 13 years ago in his pocket right now. What was left for him was to wear it around your finger in the real world, then he could truly move on from his past. Just as you asked him to. 

And just like that, his mission was done.

#gallagher x reader #gallagher x gn reader #gallagher hsr #honkai: star rail #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #gn reader #halovian reader

[xxxbabyinatrenchcoatxxx]

I love Andrew Minyard as a criminal justice major. Just imagine the possibilities that could happen!! He'd 100% write a paper about nature vs nurture that is about himself and Neil (only if you read between the lines can you tell that tho)

Oh man!! An idea is coming into my head as I think about this!!

Okay, okay, so imagine the following.

Andrew is in his The Serial Killer's Psyche class when he learns about the more recent recent killers, including The Baltimore Butcher.

He lowkey becomes fascinated with the whole thing.

(It's the knives)

And goes down a rabbit hole looking into anything and everything regarding the Wesninski family.

He learns that Nathan was married and had a son, Nathaniel, with a member of another known mafia family from across the Atlantic, Mary.

The son would be the perfect killing machine for these two.

But then he learns that Mary and Nathaniel died tragically in an unknown form.

"The family wants to keep their privacy in these hard times." The press says.

Despite Andrew researching for days (he even went to the library once!) He can't find any record of how they died, but their death certificates have the same time stamp on them so at least he knows they died at the same time.

After finding out as much as he can about the family, he is (and he would never admit this to anyone at all ever) solely on the side of the cops in believing that Nathan Wesninski is The Baltimore Butcher despite there not being enough evidence, etc etc.

Having learned all he could, he all but forgets about the Wesninski family.

Fast forward to the next semester when Kevin tells him they are going to Arizona because he found them a new striker.

As Neil is trying to catch his breath from Andrew hitting him, Andrew is suddenly excepiencing a new phenomenon to him "familiarity"

For some reason, this flight risk reminds him of someone, but he can't quite remember who.

This is new.

Not remembering something.

Is his memory failing him for the first time ever?

He blames it on his meds and moves on

Everytime he sees Neil after he moves to Palmetto, he has the same feeling.

Ever. Single. Time.

It is increasingly aggravating and intirely too intresting.

After weeks spent trying to remember who Neil reminded him of, filing through every person he's ever encountered, and Neil's skitish behavior, he decided that Neil must be a threat.

Why else would his instincts tell him not to trust Neil?

Why didn't he react to the Moriyamas coming south that fall?

Why couldn't he fucking remember where he knew Neil from???

His shell cracked a little bit and he decided on impulse that Neil was going to Eden's with them

Andrew was practically vibrating with rage by the end of that night.

"Who are you?" Andrew asked.

"Wha- I don't understand? I'm Neil?"

"No. I know you, but I've never seen you before." Andrew watched as Neil tensed, wondering what was running through the runners head.

"We don't know each other." Neil made as if to walk away, but he didn't make it far before he had to grab the wall to stabilize himself.

"I know you." Andrew said, grabbing his shoulder.

"No, you don't." Neil shoved him.

"Do you work for the Moriyamas?"

"You think I'm a mole?" Neil scoffed, but it was more slurred with the drugs in his system.

"You're something. And I know how to properly dispose of a body." Andrew said lowly, threatingly, putting both hands on either side of Neil, caging him him.

"So do I." Neil's voice was steady, and he shoved Andrew back as far as he could before taking off.

Neil feeds Andrew half-truths the next day at Wymacks, saying that he must have seen him on the street somewhere. He honestly had no idea why Andrew recognized him.

Andrew doesn't believe that, but he believes Neil's half-truths about his family and lets him go.

Eventually, the familiar feeling is exchanged with actual recognition, and the books continue on as normal

UNTIL

Andrew gets out of Easthaven and sees Neil with his blue eyes and Aubrun hair and brused face, and Andrew freezes for only a moment.

But for that moment, it's like a Christmas tree lighting up in Andrew's head.

Neurons firing and connecting dots he didn't know went to together.

Nathaniel Wesninski stood next to his family

Nathaniel Wesninski protected his family while he was in rehab

Nathaniel Wesninski has been alone with Kevin every night for the past 4 months

Nathaniel Wesninksi was a runaway

Nathaniel Wesninski was alive

Nathaniel Wesninski

Andrew doesn't know what to do with this information yet, so he does nothing

He goes about his decided itinerary for the day

He still doesn't know what to do until "I never understood why he liked knives."

Everyone else was thinking Riko, but Andrew was thinking Nathan.

He decides then and there that he's not going to say anything until Neil tells him.

Neil's "I'm Nathaniel" hits Andrew like a gut punch.

He already knew it but now it's confirmed.

When Neil goes missing, Andrew was the first to tell coach about Nathan's release from prison.

He persuades Coach (read: stares down repeating "Baltimore") to take them to Baltimore because that's where Neil is.

Books go on as normal

Life seemingly goes back to normal after summer break.

They start the new semester with significantly fewer worries, and Neil is figuring out his newfound freedom.

Andrew is in his Advanced Psychology class when Nathan Wesninski is brought up again.

The professor - fortunately for her sake - doesn't mention Neil or Nathaniel at all but assigned them an imaginative assignment

They are to pick a serial killer and study what is known about their at home life and write a paper about what it might be like to grow up in that kind of enviroment

Andrew was going to ignore this assignment, but Neil found out and thought the whole thing was hilarious.

Neil finds out that Andrew was entirely too fascinated by the Wesninski family.

"You liked me before you even met me."

Eventually, they decided that Andrew didn't have to write the paper.

"Mr. Minyard. It is your turn to present."

Andrew and Neil walk to the front.

"This was a single person assignment, Mr. Minyard."

"I think a first-hand account is better than anything I could have come up with. Don't you think?"

"First hand?"

"Hello Andrew's classmates. I'm Nathaniel Wesninski, but please call me Neil. Fair warning. If you ever call me Nathaniel, I will kill you."

They spend the rest of the class basically ragging on Nathan the entire time

#aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxes #aftg neil #the foxhole court #andriel #the raven king #the kings men #aftg au #criminal justice major Andrew Minyard

[chaisshitposts]

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐀 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

glad to meetcha. my name's chai and I'm just your friendly, yet angry, neighborhood homie. my pronouns are it/that, I am an experience. I'm forever 23 until I decide it's my time to age up. I've been manifestin' my whole life, but have consciously been manifestin' for a good few years now, and only recently have i decided to get serious about it and live life in creative mode as intended. i am a law of assumption fiend and stand by that. also, i'm a major nerd when it comes to anime, cartoons, and anything animated in general. no, i promise i'm not a disney adult.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𖤐 𝐘𝐀 𝐃𖤐 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

i make shit posts, post about ways to interact with yourself on a subconscious level, post about my own personal void journey, and sometimes like to rant. i am not a strictly void based blog. before anyone sends me asks about what they can and cannot manifest— imma answer ya right now, the answer is yes ya can have whatever ya want, even the unbelievable shit like magical powers and monster sps (don't judge me). if ya can think about it, then ya can literally have it. there's no limitations, for real.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐈𝐍' 𖤐𝐍 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

currently, I've been on a new void journey using psych-k consistently, as well as using psych-k to change my own limitin' beliefs about myself and my perceived limitations that should have never existed in the first place but were put in place by society and those around me. i want nothin' more than to help others become the best they can be. however, i am exceedingly blunt and can be mean on accident or on purpose, sugarcoatin' shit is just not my thing. you've been warned if ya choose to interact with me.

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ ) 𝐖.𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐀 𝐏𖤐𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

psych-k, affirming on a deeper level

muscle testing yourself & others

dear subconscious...

got questions about psych-k? read this before sending in an ask.

did your ask not get answered? this might be the reason why.

building a manifestation foundation

using code words for manifestation

more posts to come!

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ ) 𝐖.𝐇𖤐'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐓 𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

void 'n victory

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐'𝐒 𝐆𖤐𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

how do i know if i have resistance?

explaining psych-k in portuguese.

when did i first learn about psych-k?

are we supposed to put our strong side over our weak side?

what was the very first thing i manifested?

how long should i do psych-k?

what i can look up to better understand the whole brain state // psych-k?

how i do psych-k to the uptomst efficiency, when in doubt, cover all your bases.

psych-k for appearance change??? :O success!!!

trust your instincts

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𖤐 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐍𖤐𝐍𝐒 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

🐇 ,,, 🐠 ,,, 🎀 ,,, 👛 ,,, 🍓 ,,, 💌 ,,, 🦦 ,,, 🫀 ,,, 🍫 ,,, 🫶🏻 ,,, 📼 ,,, 🍵,,, 💫 ,,, 👙 ,,, 🌷,,, 🧝🏿‍♀️ ,,, 🌼 ,,, 🍞 ,,, 🐧 ,,, 🎀🧸 ,,, 🦁🐻🦒 ,,,

ᐡ ⊃ ·̫ ⊂ ٠٘⌇. ꩜ 𝐖.𝐇𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐃 ?!!

︶ ︶ ︶ ︶

appearance change shifting success

lucid dreaming void success

void success (2) exam success

longer lashes void success (charlie)

void success (charlie) shifting & wands

void success void concept success

ideal sp scenario time traveling

lucid dreaming void success

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙧 2023

#— navigation. !!~ #SoundCloud

[clawbehavior]

we're five episodes into Shogun, which means we're halfway through the series and all the major plotlines have been introduced and the characters characterized. and i'm starting to notice things. 

namely, toranaga is becoming increasingly unlikeable. it started when he abandoned blackthorne to die after being saved by the man hours earlier, but it reached its peak with the return of the young heir's mother and the reveal that she's using the council against toranaga to protect her son. because then what is toranaga going to war for? we were told via the dead king's widow that toranaga needs to protect the young heir against the council, but clearly that's not true. so what's he doing? it bothered me that toranaga could be so kind to the young heir, playing with him and advising him, while neglecting his own son, whose insecurity around his father was so transparent that he was easily manipulated into starting a war. but then i wondered if toranaga was showing his true self (his third heart) to his son. that scene where he says "you categorize everyone as enemies and friends when you only have yourself" implies that he sees everyone as a potential enemy, which can only happen if his self-interests are at odds with everyone else's. seeing the end of episode five, i think toranaga is not what he seems. we know he can be duplicitous. he plays uncle and nephew against each other so easily, getting rid of the problem of their growing power by doing so. i think the falcon motif that's ever present in the show represents toranaga, flying against the sun so his prey can't see him until it's too late (episode one). he's fooling everyone, including his allies, which brings me to my next point. 

mariko's story is not going to end well. i didn't know why this was a limited series with no chance of a season two until we got her backstory. mariko is straight up suicidal, just looking for a purposeful/honorable way to do it. if blackthorne can see this within days of meeting her, across a huge cultural divide and despite language differences, then toranaga has clocked this about her too, which doesn't bode well for her life. the mariko-blackthorne-husband love triangle subplot serves a deeper function of revealing her psyche to us.  she can't let go of her feelings of injustice and dishonor from her family's deaths. (the flashback we get of her past shows her father's haunted expression because that's how she remembers the event, with horror rather than disgust for his actions.) this is why she tells blackthorne the truth about her family when ordered to by her husband, even though blackthorne tells her to lie and tell him something else because her husband won't know. mariko can't let go of what happened to her family (and her husband doesn't let her). she's been spiritually dead for ages and the return of her husband from the dead not only means she cheated, which someone with her honor code can't live with, it means she cannot be happy with blackthorne. her tragic past coupled with her strong feelings towards honor/dishonor makes her easy for toranaga to use, though it's unclear for what.

interestingly, mariko and blackthornes' opposing ideologies are why they survived and found each other. mariko resists quietly, inside her soul (the eightfold fence), turning to her Christian faith and becoming devout and learned in Portuguese to speak with the priests. this is how she ends up as blackthorne's translator, a position of power and later romance. blackthorne, in contrast, resists outwardly and every step of the way. that scene where toranaga tells him to give up because he's outnumbered and blackthorne replies "unless i win" captures his character perfectly. he's going to fight until the last second, which is why he survives the journey to Japan, and why he gets separated from his men and integrated into a foreign culture, and why he steers the ship to safety rather than being left behind to die. that stubbornness to live shows up as a tendency for breaking all the rules, the result of which is meeting mariko and unintentionally getting her to fall in love with him. it's so fascinating how their ideologies have set them apart from their own people and brought them together while indicating their incompatibility. 

the show does a good job of layering characters and keeping them consistent, so i have faith that they'll return to yabushige's scary character. him torturing a sailor to death in pursuit of an existential question in a way so barbaric that it scares even the villagers did an excellent job in setting the tone of the show in episode one and setting the show apart from other historic period dramas. so it's disappointing to see him turn into a conniving goofball. hopefully this is a short term thing. 

i haven't been so intrigued by the political machinations within a show in a long while, probably since GoT. can't wait to see how the rest of it plays out 

gif below courtesy of @yocalio. look at toranaga's face shadowed in the sunlight. we don't fully know him.

#shōgun #fx shogun #shogun spoilers #shogun #toda mariko #john blackthorne #yoshii toranaga #analysis

[acorpsecalledcorva]

*Maladaptive Daydreaming is the disordered form of Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption (which I believe is the foundation of endogenic plurality experiences), therefore would only really apply to "disordered plurals" that don't have a CDD, similarly not all pwMD would identify as plural the same as most pwCDDs don't use that label

*"Plural Dissociative Disorder" is used here as the best phrase I can come up with to communicate disorders that involve systems of parts/alters/headmates as it wouldn't be a CDD. Although I recognise many do not like this term, everyone hopefully understands what I mean by it

This is the best summary I can find that I feel argues for why it should be included as such:

Arguments against: As a concept it may err ever so slightly too closely to the fantasy model of DID or give credibility to many aspects that the community has worked very hard to move away from.

Overlap: Early reports put comorbidity of MD and DID at only 12.8% but more recent reports have it at more like 40-50%. Prevalence of MD, that is the disordered utilisation of immersive daydreaming/dissociative absorption as a form of escapism, increases dramatically during periods of global unrest, the COVID 19 pandemic saw a marked increase in communities seemingly built around utilising Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption such as the reality shifting communities which used guides very very similar to switching and imposition guides shared by the Willo/paragenic communities

Possible explanation for rift in community: many people simply do not have the ability to immersive daydream, and it would seem that the majority of DID research and literature has been written about and focuses on pwDID that don't have this innate ability. A lack of inner world and phobia of the inner experience such as no knowledge and access to parts are commonly described in literature but are at odds with the majority of online presentations of CDDs. It may be that more CDD systems are utilising an immersive daydreaming capability in a more (mostly)positive way thanks to community sharing of experiences, while those who do not have this ability are left dumbfounded by how much the online community doesn't match their experience. Similarly, those with CDDs who can and do utilise this ability would find more shared experiences with the wider plural community including identifying as mixedorigin because immersive daydreaming would be an ability that predates trauma development of a CDD or becoming disordered due to later trauma

Personal experience: I have both DID parts/alters and Immersive Daydreaming headmates. I find this a very useful framework to understand my experience as it allows me to differentiate the needs of both and ensure that one doesn't negatively impact the other. I also believe it's very important to differentiate between them in form and function, while not viewing one as more valid than the other. Treating all ID headmates as alters can quickly become overwhelming if healing is a goal while treating alters as ID headmates can be very damaging and make them feel like they're being exposed and need to retreat further or have protectors and persecutors lash out. I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that right now there are pwCDDs who mistakenly believe they're endogenic plurals and disordered plurals that mistakenly believe they have CDDs (and potentially therapists misdiagnosing as well).

Psychs: Nijenhuis, Ross, Dell, and Somer all seem to be dancing around this issue from slightly different angles right now, Nijenhuis trying to differentiate purely trauma based pathological dissociative experiences, while Ross has explored a proneness to dissociation, Dell has explored a proneness to hypnotisability, and Somer first identified maladaptive daydreaming whilst also being one of the key researchers into trauma and dissociation over the last few decades. Outside of these there are many psychs that have noticed a marked shift in presentations of patients that supposedly have CDDs resulting in increased research into things like Imitative DID and Malingering/factitious disorder as it relates to DID. Identifying immersive daydreaming as a contributing factor to this change in presentation may help reduce the number of false negatives AND false positives.

I can also very much understand why some might find the particular language of "daydreaming" and "character" to be invalidating towards their headmates, there are cultural connotations to those words. This may largely be due to the research being done into non plural patients but that is clearly changing. There certainly seems to be acknowledgement of the autonomy that can be found when analysing MD through a plural lens though so this language may certainly change as endogenic plurality is brought into the literature more.

#syscourse #dissociative identity disorder #system community #plural community #endogenic #pro endo #maladaptive daydreaming

[talisidekick]

I need to ask you for some serious help.

I have a transgender friend who needs help. Her name is Andrea and her username is @faulty-radio. She says she can’t find anyone who can help her get away from her abusive household or anyone who can help in any other way. She’s desperate for help and approaching suicide. I was hoping you can help spread awareness of her dire situation. Any help is appreciated. Thank you in advance <3

I'm not sure how much I can help. My hearts been ripped out of my chest (metaphorically speaking)(entirely my fault). But if this is the last fuck I have to give today, or this week ... I've checked @faulty-radio 's blog.

An ultimatum has been set. January 24th. She/it turns 16 in December. HRT or Death.

To make this clear in advance, to the asshole bigots who love saying "anyone less that 18 is too young to make life-altering decisions", and "transition is permanent". If a child can make the conscious decision to kill themselves, well thats a pretty life-fucking-altering decision and entirely permanent. This is why we advocate for puberty blockers and social transition until 18 or allowed earlier after a few years of consistent psych eval. When that isn't available: this happens. You don't get to see this, but this is what I get in my asks, my DM's, and in my reblogs daily. I'm -not- a psychologist. I'm -not- a therapist. I'm just the last person that people think will listen. When I became the recipient of the last dying hopes of children, I don't know. But I hope for a day when I get fewer. I dream of the day I realize I got my last "is it really worth it?" message weeks ago and it becomes months or years.

@emilyreblogsbridget , does @faulty-radio have a donation link, and have they roughly detailed their plan? "Spreading awareness" means nothing if there isn't an avenue to help. All "spreading awareness" does is the equivalent of major media reporting on tradgedy and not sharing the fundraiser for the hurt victims. I'd suggest a direct ko-fi/patreon link.

I would ideally like for her to see a psychologist or doctor so it can be properly assessed prior to getting access to HRT or blockers, much like I was. It's important to be able to make a clear decision. Not just on medical transition, but on not medically transitioning as well. This is a two-way street of both determining if estogen puberty or testosterone puberty is correct. Having suicidal ideation or intent is something to assess where such feelings are coming from. Just because HRT may help, that doesn't mean there isn't more that needs working on. Transition doesn't solve all your mental health problems and concerns. I'm not sure of the intended path or process given I'm unfamiliar of her countries laws.

So if you want me to help then get @faulty-radio to reblog what they're trying to do in some specifics beyond "get HRT".

#trans #transgender #talisidekick #talisidekick things #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia+ #2slgbtqia+ #2slgbtqia #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #tw suicide #cw suicide

[mania-sama]

“always an angel, never a god” and why it only works with gojo, not geto

ft. gojo & geto

Not Strong Enough - boygenius, Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus

The song lyric "always an angel, never a god" from the song Not Strong Enough has been making its rounds on SatoSugu TikTok and I'm here to talk about it (mainly why I think the general interpretation of the line referencing Geto's POV is wrong, and that it only works well with Gojo's POV).

Here is an example of the popular interpretation (Geto's POV):

On an entirely surface level analysis, without any deep-diving or true understanding, this makes sense. Gojo became the strongest and left Geto behind. Geto was strifed with this, knowing it would be impossible to catch up. Therefor, he is the "angel" that can never become a "god"; Geto can never be Gojo. He can't even match him.

This interpretation implies that Geto was jealous of Gojo. Jealous of the power that allowed him to be better than everyone, exercise more curses, and do more right in the world. Jealous that Gojo left him behind. Jealous that Geto can never catch up or be on the same level as Gojo. Jealous of the fact that Gojo got to live a life Geto can't even dream of achieving.

I disagree with this analysis of Geto entirely. To put it simply: it's wrong. The only jealousy Geto felt comes from one of the much more glaring issues I'm about to talk about. Geto's problems never came from Gojo. It all has to do with curses, depression, and jujutsu society, not the fact that he and Gojo have differing power levels.

Geto is special-grade sorcerer. Need I remind you that, before the Culling Games revived hundreds of sorcerers, there were only four special-grade sorcerers in jujutsu society. Yuki Tsukumo, Okkotsu Yuuta, Gojo Satoru, and Geto Suguru. Sure, you can make the argument that Gojo far surpasses everyone else on this list, but that's not the point. The problem here, in relation to Geto's internal conflict, is that both he and Gojo are too strong. Shoko's cursed technique makes it so she doesn't go on solo missions. After Gojo ascended in Hidden Inventory, jujutsu society deemed that Gojo no longer needed to, nor should, work with a partner. With Shoko out for the count, that meant Geto was also stuck fighting alone. He felt like he was drifting away from his friends, and instead of reaching out, he was worsening it by pushing them further and further away and refusing to let them in on his struggles.

Cursed Spirit Manipulation. As I've stated, Geto's strong, and this is mainly due to his cursed technique. He has said on numerous occasions that swallowing curses is horrible. "The taste of a cursed spirit that no one else knows... like swallowing whole a cloth that was used to wipe up vomit...". Even this quote alone exemplifies how ostracizing this experience was for Geto, and he'd already ingested hundreds, if not thousands, of cursed spirits at this point. No one else can understand him. No one else can understand how much of a toll this takes on his psyche. It's clear why he was pushing people away. He never felt that they could share his burden.

His gradual development of depression. Geto sunk away from his friends as they were put on more solo missions. I can't reinstate this enough: his mental condition worsened every day, and he turned to no one but himself. He felt as though he was climbing a grueling, tall mountain with the pointed summit obscured by clouds. This isn't an analysis based solely on dialogue, either; physically, he was drawn with slouches, eyebags, a quiet demeanor, taking long pauses to do something as simply as lift his gaze, as though that takes his body too much energy to complete. He was severely depressed and utterly alone.

The inherit flaw of jujutsu society. Alone, depressed, and fighting the never-ending battle, Geto confronted the elephant in society that everyone ignores: it will never stop. Humans have negative emotions. These normal people, the majority of humanity, cannot fight the curses they create with their negativity. It's inevitable. Only people that can see curses and have cursed energy can deal with this problem. There is only one way to fix this, so Geto would never have to swallow another curse again, so he can be friends with the people he loves -- turn everyone into a sorcerer, and kill them if they don't comply.

This is Geto's character. Gojo is in it very little, because you know why? Gojo was never the problem. Gojo was just another knight being used to capture pawns by the higher-ups of jujutsu society, but never to checkmate the king. Geto's infamous line "Are you the strongest because you're Gojo Satoru, or are you Gojo Satoru because you're the strongest?" has nothing to do with jealousy. In fact, Geto felt quite the opposite. He saw the Gojo for what he was (what I just mentioned), and felt his hatred for society rear it's head. He was seeing his best friend be used, and he wanted nothing more than to end both of their sufferings. I do believe that people comparing "always an angel, never a god" to Geto & his strife with Gojo is a consequence of people misunderstanding the aforementioned "Are you... the strongest?" line. He never wanted to be as powerful as Gojo. He wanted them to be happy. And they could never have been that in jujutsu society.

Now. Here's where this essay gets BETTER. Because I am going to tell you why I think this fits Gojo much better than it would ever fit Geto. And you're probably thinking: "But Gojo is a god. He ascended and became the Honored One." Yeah, he did that, and he said that, but Gojo also said he would win. And he didn't. So. His words are worth nothing to me. Let's take a deep dive into Gojo's POV:

Before I get in further, this interpretation is not of Gojo believing that Geto is the god, the being higher than Gojo, because, while there is merit to the interpretation, that's not what I'm going for. This analysis is about Gojo and a reflection upon himself and jujutsu society, not necessarily comparing himself to Geto.

To me, this is a much better interpretation of this lyric. We all know Gojo is better than everyone else. The narrator of Jujutsu Kaisen will explain someone's ability, say they are the best in an aspect, then say "except for Gojo Satoru, of course." Gojo is simply better. I know this, and that is exactly the point I'm going to make using this song lyric.

Gojo is the Honored One. He's better, he's faster, he's smarter, he's stronger. In theory, there is no limit to his power. As Geto said during the KFC break-up, Gojo could achieve the goal that he claims is impossible for others - he could kill all of humanity, or force them to become sorcerers. Everybody knows he is stronger. Everybody knows that he can do whatever he wants, and if he wanted, he can force other people to do what he wants, too. But in reality, he can't.

Corruptness of jujutsu society and the exploitation of love. The problem with Gojo is that he has two enemies: 1. The higher-ups. No matter what, no matter how hard he fights, jujutsu society has placed a shackle over him. If he wants to save those he loves, he has to operate within those bonds of society. But yet, the higher-ups hate him. They hate that he doesn't respect those weaker than him. They hate his power. They see him as a threat that must be contained. So they contain him. They put the ones he loves into precarious situations that force his hand. In his effort to work against the higher-ups, he is forced to work within their bounds, too. There is no winning. Gojo once said, "Love is the most twisted curse of them all." He knows this because he has experienced it. The ten years he and Geto were separated was because of the chains of jujutsu society. What is a god, if he is strapped to the mortal plane? What is a god, if he has no control over his position on the chess table?

Those that don't wish to be saved. Gojo's second enemy: the human psyche. To put it simply, if they don't want to be saved, then Gojo cannot save them. This is what happened with Geto. Geto became depressed, and he pushed Gojo away, and there was nothing Gojo could have done. It isn't any more complicated than that. A god could save the ones he loved. Gojo is no god. He is an angel. His hands are tied behind his back, and all he can do is watch as the one he loved was stripped away from him.

Gojo is always the angel, never the god. He is a responsive unit to the ones above him, and an observer of those that have turned away from him. In truth, despite the popular belief of other characters, he cannot force anyone to do anything. Physical power can only go so far. There is a limit to limitless. An angel can have limitless power, but it can't use all of it unless comanded.

Conclusion: This is going to be hard for you to hear, but I really need to say it. Not every popular audio or emotional quote can fit your fav. I know. I know it hurts. It's the toughest pill to swallow. I, too, force my favs into songs that don't fit them. But we need to leave SatoSugu alone with this one unless it's done right. There are other parts of this song that REALLY fit Geto well: "Every clock's a different time. It would only take the energy fix it." ; "I don't know why I am the way I am." ; "I tried, I can't stop staring at the ceiling fan and spinning out about things that haven't happened." Then there's this line that fits the ship really well: "Skip the exit to our old street and go home. Go home alone." Here is an example because this is actually such a banger lyric:

The accompanying trend: "Know it's for the better // All I wanted was you" fits them. So much better. I also think that "always an angel, never a god" fits a lot of other JJK duos, just not SatoSugu. It works with Mai and Maki especially well.

Conclusion Part 2: WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS PEOPLE. SatoSugu is heart-wrenching. Keep making it heart-wrenching.

A link to the Tiktok that inspired this whole shipwreck: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8nG9gox/

#god help me #satosugu #geto suguru #gojo satoru #being able to make my rants public will cause irreperable damage #stsg #rant post #fandom #gojo x geto #always an angel never a god #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk rant #jujutsu kaisen rant #literary analysis #boygenius #not strong enough

[aeroplanestouchthesky]

I'm reading The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere and I don't know if there's a name for this style of prose, but I love it. You have this winding explanation about the sun's creation, why the sun was important to humans, how in this new world humans recreated the sun in both form and function, and how this lamplight is sometimes rejected by a person's body. Each paragraph's content is distinct, but its purpose seems fully expository until you reach the succinct end--our main character has rationalized that they prefer rainy weather because of this lamp-rejection phenomena and, returning to the present-story, is walking pleasantly in it. Su even humorously muses that she may simply prefer the rain because she's gloomy, rendering the entire explanation irrelevant.

It reminds me of those meandering stories you only realize are jokes once the teller reaches the snappy punchline, but with more crafty worldbuilding.

Text of the passage is under the readmore

Once, before the final days of the Iron Epoch and the collapse that followed, the old world had orbited a local star referred to as the 'Sun'. A massive ball of plasma fueled by the hydrogen fusion process spat out of a molecular cloud at some point in the foggy distant past of the universe, it had been a major part of the cosmological miracle that had given birth to life, and, later, the cosmological disaster called the human race.

Like the majority of land-based life, mankind had evolved to depend upon the sun in a variety of ways, both as a mechanism to regulate behavior - sleep patterns - and as an agent to actively assist in biological processes, most notably the conversion of cholesterol into secosteroids via 'cooking' them on the skin with ultraviolet radiation. As a result, relishing in sunlight became, to an extent, a desirable trait in the psyche, becoming deeply embedded in the reptilian parts of the mind.

The Great Lamp, created by the last of the Ironworkers during the construction of the Mimikos - the highest plane of the Remaining World, and the primary home of humanity - had thusly been built to emulate the sun in not only function, but aesthetics and perceived behavior. It crossed the firmament over the course of the day, traveling from the east into the west. The pathway it took even changed with the seasons, as it had in the old world based on the axial tilt of the planet.

But the human brain is a observant and fussy thing, and some brains are even more observant and fussy than others. Inevitably, in some individuals, a small part of them remained aware that it wasn't quite right, producing an uncomfortable dissonance that had at this point become a widely-recognized phenomenon. I understood there were even groups to help treat it; you'd go out on nice trips to parks and to the seaside in broad daylight during summertime, to help you form happy memories associated with the lamplight. (This was a concept that seemed nightmarishly saccharine and dystopian to me, but that's neither here nor there.)

Because I'm the type of person who likes to rationalize and pathologize everything, I'd always assumed this was the reason I preferred night time and rainy days to clear daylight, although it might just have been because I'm naturally a gloomy person. Either way, as Ran and I walked down the high street outside the university, I found myself feeling surprisingly calm and light-hearted.

#the flower that bloomed nowhere #tftbn #aeroplanes talking

[psychewritesbs]

Food for thought but here's an interesting video about the psychology of the trinity and I'm curious as to what your thoughts on this and how Gege might be applying this in JJK considering the concept of threes is arguably prevalent in the series.

https://youtu.be/LAR6FPBPbmA?si=61IoNkA2M7w8dPIb

ohoho anon. I even made a little diagram about it that I just absolutely have to share because the brainrot was so good.

This is the thing, maybe this amounts to something, maybe it doesn't, but these are the things my nerdy brain lives for in jjk. ESPECIALLY because they show Gege's level of metaphorical thinking.

I remember this one time this jjk anti told me "I am sure Gege does his research, but jjk is not that deep". Bro... this isn't research, this is deep understanding of the dynamics of the psyche.

Anyways, Analytical Psychology in jjk under the cut'o.

In fact... MBTI anon, this one might be for you... I'd be curious to read your thoughts.

God I missed using that meme.

First things first. Max Derrat! YES. I've only seen a few of his videos, but what I've seen has always been very, very interesting stuff. Guess how I found him?

Dun dun dun...

Jacob's Ladder.

I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS MOVIE.

So, anyone reading this, go watch the movie and the yt video shared by anon if interested. The movie is a mindfuck, my favorite kind.

About the video...

TLDW; Max basically talks about why the number 3 is considered a sacred number in numerology. For example, Max argues that we often see Gods that come in triads (i.e. Zeus and his brothers Neptune and Hades), but argues that 4 is actually a number of wholeness.

I had rambled about numerology and the significance of 3 and 4 before here. But here's the text again (context: mind = body = soul in jjk as representing the 3 major clans):

Thing is, we are ideally meant to think of it as if this holy trinity (3) makes up one whole together (4). This "whole" is called the Self in Jungian terms, and it is thought to be the entirety of our existence (mind (includes the shadow) + body + soul). Also, from a numerology and esoteric standpoint, you also want to consider that four (the Self) symbolizes stability and order, where three (mind + body + soul) is harmonious but not balanced.

But I really like that Max brought up the Kabbalistic tree of life for his example of why 4 = wholeness. I'm not going to go into all that tho. Suffice it to say he brings up Jung's Answer to Job, which I have not finished reading, but I understand the book is basically Jung rambling about why God is basically an asshole.

Don't quote me on this.

Part of the conclusion that Jung came to is that if God (1) represents "good" then he is not omnipotent because there is an opposite energy to "good", and that is "evil", or Satan (2).

Now, Max talks about how the Holy Trinity (3) represents aspects of God (or something like that), but that Satan, who is on an equal level as God (because good vs evil are opposing energies), got pushed into the shadow (4).

Again, Max does a much better job at explaining how this works, but the whole thing totally reminded me of Jungian typology.

Excuse the chicken scratch.

In the diagram above, you can replace mind (spirit), body (the son), soul (the Father) and (?) with one of the functions from the MBTI.

Mind you, I haven't studied Jungian typology in depth, and I am totally not well-versed on MBTI typology. But the gist of it is that there's 4 functions thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition. For one reason or another, one becomes dominant, two support the dominant one, and a 4th one is underdeveloped or pushed into the shadow.

You see the pattern?

This is where we come to jjk and the one who might "emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. [And] purify that which is impure."

Jujutsu Kaisen

Now. I don't have the most coherent thoughts on the topic tbh. Everything is kind of a bunch of ideas floating around that I'm having a hard time grounding.

But I think of particular interest is the idea of the bath's goal being "being near evil."

But in the original Japanese text, the kanji Ura Ume uses is the kanji for devil/demon, not evil. You know, the function that got pushed into the shadow.

魔

So there's defo something here pointing at the need for wholeness and for bringing the contents of the shadow into consciousness in order to achieve said wholeness.

And what is in the deepest depths of the shadow? The devil himself. Your own worst enemy.

If you haven't already, I recommend you read Ant's meta of Megumi's character (hi Ant). Of particular interest to this whole ramble, is the idea that at the core of individuation, Megumi is being tasked with merging with his shadow and how that has greater implications...

God I love Jujutsu Kaisen...

Anon. THANKS for this ask. I am spoiled with brainrot inducing asks and I am very grateful for it.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl #god i love jujutsu kaisen #megumi kaisen

[lanternzz]

rambling about various bsd characters and things every day for a month :: 6/31 :: jouno

🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡

stamps my feet and points ^ i love this man so much.

I've seen so many people in the fandom completely characterize him and it drives me NUTS. No, he isn't just a sadist. No, he isn't inherently good. For fuck's sake, no, he isn't just "misunderstood."

Jouno genuinely does not "care about everyone deep down." He IS a sadist, he enjoys seeing people in pain, being tortured, but that's not all of it.

He doesn't give two fucks about good and bad or morals. I'm sure, being a part of the hunting dogs and everything, Jouno has had ideals of justice and morality impressed upon him, and he understands those concepts, he just doesn't care.

I'd like to just draw a parallel between him and Dazai really quickly. Both of them are considerably morally gray, that's widely accepted. However, in this comparison the difference is illustrated really well; Dazai spent a lot of time in the port mafia, right?

During his time in the PM, Dazai has tortured people numerous times (see his conversation with Kouyou) but that was all for a purpose. Dazai tortured people for his own gain, to reach his goals; Jouno does it just because, for his entertainment. Dazai also understands the concept of morality, and he's constantly trying to become a better person like Oda wanted. Dazai cares about good and bad, and right and wrong to a point.

Jouno, on the other hand, doesn't. Though he's part of the HD, and his job is literally in the pursuit of justice, he doesn't care. He does his job not out of pride for what he does, nor does he strive to become a better person.

Sorry, that was a lot but it drives me crazy when people call him misunderstood or not really a bad guy.

My next point is about the better (?), or the side of Jouno that we associate more with good. His character development, so to say, can be seen in chapter 92.5 (i think? correct me if i'm wrong), when he saves the old woman.

I think he honestly felt appreciated by her, and that caused a major change in his psyche, or at least, triggered it. In all these years of working as a hunting dog, I'm sure that somewhat subconsciously, a sense of justice has reached him. Yes, it isn't very strong, yes, we don't see it much, and yes, it hasn't stopped him from continuing to do horrible things, but it is still there nonetheless.

This just shows part of his motivation, or why he betrayed Fukuchi at the airport. The smallest sense of justice he felt drove him to arguably save the world.

And finally, this is more speculation than fact, but I think this betrayal also seemed like redemption to Jouno. Think about it: Jouno KNOWS that what he does and feels is "wrong" by society's standards, he just doesn't care (i just wrote 6 paragraphs about this help-), but the smallest bit of morality, along with how he felt at the bank, drove him to move a little towards good.

All his life, Jouno was aware of how twisted and horrifying his nature is, and I think he started to see himself as a monster or inhuman at some point (to be fair, the hunting dogs ARE inhuman, because of the surgeries and whatnot). This was his atonement.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd analysis #character analysis #citrine rambles #character study #jouno saigiku #jouno bsd #i put a ridiculous amount of effort into this #if this flops i will go against the geneva convention/jov #hunting dogs bsd

[justmenoworries]

Lore Olympus Episode 252 Spoilers

Trigger Warning: Discussion of sexual assault and sexual assault mention!

Why is there never a trigger warning on these goddamn episodes until someone yells at RS???

This is the third episode where SA is thematized pretty heavily and yet RS doesn't feel the need to take two fucking seconds to warn readers who might potentially be negatively affected. Does this woman ever sit down to think about what she's written???

Also, why the hell are we pretending Persephone was ever interested in Apollo? What is with this retcon bullshit concerning Apollo lately??? @genericpuff made a post a short time ago that explains what's wrong with the Apollo-thing better than I ever could and I encourage you to read it, but to abbreviate: It's disgusting how victim blame-y the narrative has become when it comes to Apollo and Persephone. Persephone was never interested in Apollo, if anything she actively disliked him from the start. Apollo is denying that's the case, because of course he is. He's a rapist, that's what the majority of rapists do, they put the blame for what they've done onto the victim to escape consequences. The narrative should not be backing him up on his point of view like it's currently doing.

On another, slightly lighter note.

I like this comic's depiction of Kassandra. Her relationship with Apollo showcases how much a narcissist he is and how he's all take no give brilliantly. Giving Kassandra her powers largely so she can be his personal prophecy-machine, but making it so nobody ever believes her and so her powers are only of use to Apollo is a really clever way of showcasing Apollo's selfishness and cruelty.

Loved Kassandra giving him sass and I'm totally rooting for a Kassandra/Psyche friendship in the future.

So the child in Tartarus is Melinoe. That... raises several questions. Did Hades magically impregnate Persephone? How??? And why and how are Melinoe with Kronos???

#lore olmypus spoilers #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #tw sa mention #lo critical #anti lo

[wonderinc-sonic]

You saw this coming: I demand you tell me more about your ideas for "Robot Therapy", especially Omega's, please and thank you

Its a silly concept came up with in a text post I made once, a first chapter of it here. I can do you an excerpt of the Omega chapter, or what got done of it?

"Thank you. Unit E-123 Omega, please describe in your own words why you are here today."

Omega narrowed his pupil covers at Hopper.

"You should have records. This unit's time is wasted."

Hopper adjusted her seat momentarily to buy herself time to find words. One trick she had learned from the psych team, apart from how to cheat at cards, was to match tone to create a favourable atmosphere. Most robots were not good at identifying when a person was being false, like some non-mechanical patients would, so it was usually safe. But it took thought, too. More accurate words. Monotone. Direct speech, no symbolism.

"Cognitive assessment must confirm defendant is aware of both: results of fact-finding hearing, and allegations made against them. Assessment is not complete without their given statement, which is then confirmed with Defence Attorney."

Omega blinked, and fiddled with his chair. It occurred to Hopper that just after she scratched her nose, he swept dust from face. She turned her neck as he thought, and sure enough his turned too.

[Keenly aware of my behaviours. Watches me watch him. Assessment of empathy warranted - could be indicative of unusually high social need for his kind. Or he's trying to get me comfortable enough to kill me.]

The objective of the series was to explore a few concepts:

How regular society is trying to fit Robots, ex-roboticised people/ animals, and people with robot-based trauma into the modern world.

How the unequivocal existance of intelligent machines changes the definition and understanding of thought and personhood.

How are fave robots would react to someone trying to psychoanalyse them, which is what we sit and do here on tum bler dot com.

Omega's appointment is with a very machine-minded doctor, who is trying to perform an assessment for the judge as he has been found guilty of committing major property damage and resisting arrest. The intention was to explore some of my ideas about how the criminal justice system is handling Omega and others like him who by our (well, UK, idk the whole world) standards would not be responsible for their own actions.

The intention is not to actually provide any counselling/ mental health advice. I'm not a doctor, just a bitch who's had a lot of different types of counselling. And the intention is also not to evolve the world in any way - Metal stays loyal to eggman, as does Orbot. Omega will not become unviolent. It's just a way to study them I guess 🤷

#thanks for the ask! #this is such a silly idea tbh i know omega would throw me down the stairs for being so emotional about him #e-123 Omega #writincs #wonderincs #measlyfurball13

[donnerpartyofone]

I keep thinking about this experience I had where it was apparent that somebody was attracted to me, and after I learned a little more about him I realized that he was chiefly attracted to a quality I find pretty repulsive and that was definitely not something I deliberately cultivated, that was in fact something I struggle to suppress. And even though I had no interest in that person I had all sorts of strange feelings about this experience: On the one hand I really resented that someone would like me for a reason I found pretty gross, and this made me feel fetishized or something in a way that was very uncool in my view. Then on the other hand I wondered if I was just being a snob and I should realize that everything about oneself can be lovable...and inevitably I'd just swing back to finding the whole thing kind of insulting. It's like being told, I don't know, "I love how dirty you are and how bad you stink," the fact that the speaker means it as a high compliment doesn't mean you have to appreciate it, just as you're under no obligation to be grateful for attention in general. Plus I don't think I can do the whole unconditional love of the entire self thing, I think self-criticism is what actually drives me to improve and become more aware and responsible. And then there's matters of taste, he has a right to his preferences and so do I even if mine seem more judgmental or "negative" or something.

My last shrink, who was so incompetent that she triggered a rolling psych episode that got kind of scary, would do this abject positivity thing to me that literally made me crazy. I'd be trying to untangle some difficult experience and she'd just bombard me with all this stuff about what a good person I am or "what if it's not YOU that's wrong, what if THE WORLD is wrong!", and I'd think...OK fine but that's beside the point? I just wanted to talk through this thing that fucked me up but never mind, you're right, I'm OK You're OK and as long as we agree on that then nothing is worth discussing. And then I was trying to talk to her about how I used to have this major dysfunctional behavior that was derailing my life and I recognized this and got control of it and I'm really proud of myself for that, and my shrink just kept going "But why are you saying behavior X was BAD? Why does it have to be WRONG?" like she was really sad and disappointed that I was criticizing myself and I just wanted to scream in her face It's bad BECAUSE I SAY SO! I'm the one who was harmed by it WHICH I JUST TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT and that's a perfectly good reason for me to say it was WRONG!

TL;DR:

1. Sometimes things about yourself are crummy and it is totally rational and even a form of self-care (🤢) to judge these things and want to change them.

2. Don't involve people in your fetishes if they aren't expressly interested; this includes just making it kind of obvious that you like a casual, platonic acquaintance for an unpopular sexual reason. It may not make them feel as complimented as you personally think it should.

[firendgold]

Dumbledore for the unhinged character bingo?

but of course!

whew boy, no bingos but this was a lot.

guess we'll go left to right row by row?

Daddy Issues: um, yeah. It might be glossed over in canon and fanon, but it seems pretty clear that Albus has at least some. Percival Dumbledore was taken from him early, after a moment where he lost control and inflicted violence on those who were both crueler and weaker than him, all in the name of protecting his family. That probably left very deep impressions on the young Albus' psyche: both I can't let myself be locked away like he was, my family needs me and doing the right thing means suffering.

Adult!Albus takes many risks and makes many choices that lead to unhappiness twined with safety, and I think it all comes back to his parents and his home life. We also don't ever see him with a mentor: we know he "worked with" Nicolas Flamel but we don't have a clear idea of how close they were, how long they worked together or anything like that. Like many men in the HP series, he's probably another one who searches in vain for a father figure to replace his original one.

*Incoherent sobbing*: me every day since I finished Half-Blood Prince as a kid, honestly. I'm still not over it. Deathly Hallows was the second of the one-two punches. And then more Dumbledore and Dumbledore family meta is coming out all the time, digging into just how lonely Albus must have been for years and years. Think about how the people he let himself love toward the end of his life all either died or nearly died. Think about how major themes of Albus' life story are trust and love and betrayal. You'll start crying too.

Angst Angst ANGST: So, Albus never gets to be a child past the age of about ten. His parents' combined choices mean that he has to spend all his school years lying to most of his acquaintances about the most intimate parts of his home life and his sister. He also learns a lot of direct and indirect fucked up lessons that stick with him until he's at least seventeen. His brother resents him. His father dies in jail with people cursing his name. His mother is killed by his sister as he graduates school. Then, at seventeen-almost-eighteen, Albus falls in love!... with a budding fascist and future genocidal murderer. They plot to Take Over the World, but in a nice way maybe?

And then The Big Fight happens, Ariana dies too, Aberforth becomes estranged from him, Grindelwald leaves and his whole worldview gets upended. Rather than take some time to go to therapy, Albus spends the rest of his life overachieving to make up for what he did, never allowing himself the weakness of personal attachments... that is, until he finds himself having budding fatherly feelings for Harry. But since he didn't do any of that therapy stuff, he fucks up at a critical moment and chooses his long-dead family over said potential-son by putting on an old ugly ring, and then he dies to try and save the wizarding world with a convoluted plan that worked by miracle's light. The end.

God fucking damn it let them be happy: This is directed more at the fandom than it is at That Woman. Can y'all please write something nice about Albus and Harry for once instead of the same mustache-twirling manipulative fascist-fucking greater good garbage? I'm so sick of it lol.

I want to cradle them gently in my arms: I mean... Albus would not let me. He's almost allergic to intimacy. But if he would...

Go to FUCKING therapy: ...self-explanatory in my other answers. I am firm in my belief that if Albus had just gone to fucking therapy he would be alive today, searching google for funny Muggle cat videos and sending them to his hot old French boyfriend. And he and Harry would meet up for tea and biscuits every week because they would have long since sorted out all their issues and moved on to just loving each other. *sniff*

WHY Are They Like This: tru. I mean... I have a general idea of Why Albus Is The Way He Is, but it doesn't mean I don't still ask this question often. The fact that we got a whole movie called The Secrets of Dumbledore but we didn't learn any of Albus' important fucking secrets kind of supports my unhinged obsessed researching though.

I'm SO normal about them: ...*nervous laughter*

I would take a bullet for them: ...or, you know, I would if he wasn't dead already. But if we're talking about all the incorrect and unnecessary shots he takes from the fandom, then absolutely this applies.

LEAVE. THEM. ALONE!: seriously, fandom, holy shit. Don't y'all want to attack some people who have slid past morally gray territory and into "actual irredeemable monster" territory once in a while? You know, like some of those green-robed fellows you lust after?

Mommy Issues: oh, broooo. if Albus has daddy issues then he for sure has mommy issues too. Kendra Dumbledore shaped the majority of his life by virtue of being the only parent around in his formative years. All the things she taught him keep cropping up in his mannerisms and decisions even a hundred years later. Secrets, misdirection, hiding people and things and ideas away... draw a line back to his mum and you've solved half the puzzle.

Hey do you want to hear a ten hour speech about this character: because I don't like going outside, it would be more of a "five hour tumblr post" that's a billion paragraphs, but yeah. I can almost always find something new to talk about with Albus. ^^

And that's everything! Thanks and sorry it took me so long!

#thanks for the ask! #Albus Dumbledore #unhinged character bingo #bingo board #not fireandgold #dumbledore meta #the dumbledore family #Albus and his family

[gnome-minion]

Thinking about how much disability is a core theme of Insignia. The four most plot important characters (Tom, Wyatt, Blackburn, and Vengerov) are all disabled, or are implied to be.

Blackburn's pretty obvious. He's a paranoid schizophrenic. And though that's mostly under control, the experience and the trauma of that sticks with him. And the entire series he views himself as an irredeemable monster. He's caught in what he did when he had that psychotic break.

(Also as a segue, it impacts the way he treats other mentally ill/neurodivergent characters, he even warns Wyatt before she receives her processor that it would change the way she thinks.)

Wyatt's is also pretty obvious. Although not directly stated, Wyatt is obviously autistic. She's canonically neurodivergent, as confirmed in Allies. For the most part, her arc is growing confident in herself, and comfortable with who she is. And also learning more social skills, while never becoming something different. Wyatt's autism is probably my favorite portrayal of autism I've ever seen.

Tom's disability is more subtle. The obvious thing about him having no fingers is explored. How it can aid him (like how the cybernetic fingers can move even if he's in the process of dying), and how they hinder him (they can be taken away, they lack sensitivity, and they're not his actual finger

But also Tom is clearly mentally ill. Even before Catalyst confirmed he was- he shows symptoms of a trauma disorder as early as Insignia. And in Vortex and Catalyst it's pretty blatant.

Catalyst is where all of his erratic behavior gets more explanations. His brain had the same problems that led to his mom developing psychosis and delusions. And while he had a neural graft to enlarge his frontal lobe, I don't think that would be a cure to whatever he's got, like most psychiatric treatments, it just helps with the symptoms .

Also regarding the fact that he wouldn't pass a military psych eval, he generally lacks empathy, and has been generally implied to be a "psychopath", i think it's probable that he's cluster B as well.

Thats not even mentioning him having OSDD or DID considering he has an alter. I'm not throwing out the possibility of him having DID just cause no other alters besides Vanya are shown, cause there is some evidence he could have it in previous books.

And of course- Vengerov.

Major catalyst spoilers up ahead. But Vengerov as a child is heavily implied to be developmentally disabled in some way. After the processor was given to him around the age of 7-8ish he changed completely. Being able to recognize the pain being pushed upon him, and his own ambitions. I'll be honest I can't wrap my head around why this is, outside of a mashup of what happens when you give a young young child a processor, and the computer filling in for Vengerov where his brain wasn't developing as much.

This could easily be used to villainize Vengerov, to show he is an unfeeling, uncaring monster. But Neil's theory at the end of Catalyst changes that. Cause he points out that Vengerov was trying to basically take over the world, yes, but because he lived in a world full of awful evil people in power - he became the worst of them. If he lived in a world run by pacifists? He would be a saint. He would change the world for the better. It's not his, or anyone's nature to be evil. It's their nurture.

It's a really poignant moment. Not only for the political messaging but I think for the explicit sympathy it gives to Vengerov. It never diminishes or undercut how awful what he does is. But also acknowledges how the creation of such an evil person is a product of the system and the world around them, rather than the person's inherent "evilness"

It so wonderfully shows how much of a feedback loop this oligarchical system is. And how the world shapes people into monsters. Only getting worse and worse as time goes on.

Insignia is great, you guys.

#insignia #s.j. kincaid #insignia trilogy #insignia series #tom raines #thomas raines #james blackburn #wyatt enslow #joesph Vengerov #should i tag vanya #vanya