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tightjeansjavi · 2 months

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The Rite of Movement | drabble

“blooper reels with my baby love”

A/N: the wife @strang3lov3 demanded (endearingly) for Joel and baby love to have silly fun sex, and silly fun sex they shall have! If you ain’t gigglin’ and tootin’ in the bedroom, then tf are you doin’, baby love? 🤭

~word count: 1.8k~ (don’t ask…just smile and nod)

Summary: sex isn’t always sexy and blooper free, baby love.

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: none, fluff, smut, domestic intimacy, real sex, amateur porn video, normal bodily functions, bloopers, established relationship, unprotected piv, flirting, teasing, intimacy, creampie, cock warming, mommy kink??, Joel is in his 40’s and reader is in her 30’s, reader has no physical descriptions (mentions of readers breasts being big) readers nickname is baby love, +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

Everything that could have possibly gone amiss during yours and Joel’s filming session for the day went wrong. It started with the UPS delivery driver giving Joel a funny look when he had to sign for a box that was clearly from Pornhub due to the painfully obvious black and orange packing tape.

What made the situation even more awkward is that the driver looked at Joel’s face for a hard minute, trying to decipher if he had seen his face somewhere…and then Joel watched the driver grow flustered at the realization that he did in fact see Joel’s face somewhere before.

But before Joel could even tell the poor guy to have a nice day, he was scurrying back to his truck and speeding off down the street.

“Amateur.” Joel mumbled to himself, chuckling under his breath and closed the door before locking it. He set the box down on the nearest available surface and headed upstairs.

He found you naked, and sprawled out on the comforter with Artemis curled up on your chest, using your breasts as her own little personal pillow while you gently stroked her fur.

“I think the UPS delivery driver has watched our stuff before, baby love.” Joel announced from the opening of the bedroom door, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his bare chest.

You glanced over at him, grin playing on your lips as you listened to Artemis’s happy little purrs. “Oh? What gave the poor guy away?”

He pushed himself off the side of the doorframe, making his way over to the bed and plopped down beside you, making himself comfortable on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbow, “Well, I think it had to do with the non discreet packaging that Pornhub decided to use, and the way he was lookin’ at me?” He reached across you with his freehand and gave Artemis a few scritches behind her ears.

You giggled softly, picturing the poor delivery driver's face when he realized that he had seen your boyfriend on the hub before. “Was the packaging discreet at all? Did you open it?”

“Nah. They had the Pornhub orange and black tape plastered all over the damn box. And no, I didn’t open it. Didn’t wanna waste another second when I knew that my baby was waitin’ for me. M’shocked I didn’t get a hard on jus’ thinkin’ of ya down there, baby love.”

You laughed again, reaching over and gently swatted at his bare shoulder. “You’re a dork, Joel. And an insatiably horny one at that.”

He snorted under his breath, shaking his head with a grin. “Well, can ya blame a guy? Got the most gorgeous woman laid out in my sheets. You best believe that my cock is always ready for you.”

“Joel!” You scolded him, covering Artemis’s ears with one hand, “Not in front of our child!”

He laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling in the corners as he threw his head back, giggling like the buffoon he was. “Baby love, that ain’t even the worst she’s ever heard from us! She’ll be fine.” He reassured you.

“She’s still a child, Joel.” You said with a huff, kissing the top of her furry head.

“Yes, she is, and unfortunately our child is gonna have to leave the premises now unless she wants to be scarred for life.” He said playfully.

“Well, I’m not gonna move her. You see how comfy she is right now? She’s in heaven.”

He snickered, “yeah, well no shit sherlock. She’s using your tits as her own personal pillow. Don’t worry, baby love. I ain’t jealous or anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure you’re not feeling jealous right now Joel.”

“I ain’t!” He reiterated in a non convincing tone, and as soon as he reached for Artemis to gently lift her from where she was laying on your chest, she hissed and swatted at his hand with her paw.

“Hey!” He softly yelled, “I know her tits are like two fluffy clouds for ya, but there’s no swatting at me, young lady!” He scolded her as if she truly was able to understand what he was saying.

She hissed and swatted at him once more before she dashed out of his reach, ducking right under the bed before he could grab ahold of her.

You were in a fit of giggles over the whole thing until he looked over at you with a narrowed glare, lips pouted and looking extra kissable. “Think that’s funny, do ya?” He scoffed, “I’ll show you funny, baby love.”

When you and Joel finally got to business after messing around with one another for nearly an hour, he was having camera issues and of course the damn ring light stopped working halfway through!

This resulted in Joel fiddling with the switch, checking the wall outlet and adapter while you kept yourself stimulated. He looked rather silly being hunched over, balls hanging heavy between his thighs, muttering under his breath when the ring light still wasn’t working.

“Damn, baby. If only you could see my view from here!” You said teasingly with your hand between your spread thighs. He looked over his shoulder at you, narrowing his eyes and shook his head. “When I fix this damn thing, you are toast, baby love.” His threat was playful, but you knew he was dead serious.

“…If you ever fix it, that is.” You added.

“Hush up over there. I’m gonna fix it, dontcha worry your pretty little mind or pussy about it.” He gruffed out, giving the side of the ring light a firm smack! (As if that was going to fix it)

By some miracle, Joel smacking the shit out of it actually did work and he wasn’t going to waste another second before he practically launched himself back on the bed like a big cat pouncing on its prey. You’re both a mess of tangled lips, tongues and moans when he slips back inside of your messy cunt with ease.

The obscene squelching sounds your pussy made around his cock, and each heavy, deep thrust of his hips, spurred him on further as he withdrew his cock halfway. The thick, veiny girth of his cock was coated in a thick ring of your milky arousal gleaming under the soft glow of the ring light. He took a lungful of air, gearing up to give you his all: the grand finale as he slammed his hips forward, punching his cock into your cunt with a force that nearly knocked the own air from your lungs, eyes rolling back slightly when the head of his cock kissed your cervix, keening your hips to meet his deep thrust. And then you hear it. The sound is unmistakable, and the sudden growing redness on Joel’s already flushed cheeks confirms that you’re not having an auditory hallucination.

“Did you just…?” Your question hangs heavy in the heady, sex stained air.

His brows are furrowed together, sweat beading along the ridges on his forehead. He lets out a huff of air, cheeks turning an even brighter red. His head hangs between his shoulders in shame, and it’s hard for you to suppress the giggles from slipping past your lips.

“‘Scuse me, baby love.” He wheezes out an apology just as Artemis lets out the faintest gagging sound from the smell and darts out from under the bed and immediately runs to the door, slipping past the small opening in a successful escape.

You thread your fingers through the back of his hair, pulling him down so your faces are close together, “better out than in, ain’t that right?” You said with a giggle, rubbing your noses together.

He goes all bashful, cheeks still flushed red as you pepper his face with adorning kisses, “you fucked it outta me, baby love. My bad. ‘Scuse me again.” He grumbled.

“Baby, I don’t care that you farted. It’s natural, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but you need to make me come, otherwise I’m gonna have to do it myself.”

“Oh, heavens! I can’t! Not after that! I’m so embarrassed right now, baby love. You’re just gonna have to continue without me.” He said dramatically, burying his face into your neck.

“Oh, baby. There, there. How about you roll over, and I’ll ride you the rest of the time? You can just lay there and look extra pretty for me.” You suggested.

You could feel his lips curve up into a grin against your glistening skin where he began to press light open mouthed kisses. “Okay. That’ll work, baby love.” He said in agreement.

What kinda man would he be if he turned down getting to see your pretty tits bounce while you rode his cock? Only fools would turn down that opportunity! Joel may have been a little embarrassed from passing a bit of gas, but he was no fool.

So, that’s how you ended up seated on his cock, giving him the perfect view that men dreamed of experiencing with you, but would never have the chance to. But of course your boyfriend was still feeling bashful over the whole incident and refused to look you in the eyes as you rode him. He brought his arms crossed over his face, hiding his eyes from your view until you had enough and grabbed his wrists in your palms, pinning them on either side of his head.

“Hey, you’re gonna look me in the eyes right now, or you don’t get to come.” You warned him. And between your stern tone, and his wrists clasped in your hands, he was in absolute sub heaven.

“Okay, mommy.” He said in his best sub voice.

You both burst into a mess of giggles, unable to take the moment seriously as you gently fell on top of his chest, tears welling in the corner of your eyes from how hard you were laughing. “Oh my god! Of course Tommy is the one with the daddy kink, and you’re the one with the mommy kink!”

Joel was mortified as he buried his face between your tits, hoping they would suffocate him and put him out of his misery.

“Shuddup. I didn’t say that! I never—okay, so it slipped. Big deal!” He scoffed between your breasts, blowing a light raspberry against your soft skin. “For the record, we are not uploading this.”

“Oh, fuck off! We absolutely have to upload this, Joel. We’ll title it, ‘blooper reels with my baby love’. And people will eat that shit up!”

He let out a strained groan, burying his face further into your breasts. “Fine.” He gave in, wrapping his strong arms around you, hugging you tightly to him before he thrusted upwards into your spent cunt with no given warning. “Only after you come all over my fuckin’ cock, baby love.”

Banners made by the lovely @saradika-graphics 💗

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anonymouswriter2022 · 2 years

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New Fanfiction “The Blooper Reel”

Outtakes of scenes from the Hotel Transylvania movies in the style of Pixar bloopers

The Blooper Reel (chapters 1 - 4)

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sohannabarberaesque · 1 year

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And you thought Bill Dance Outdoors had it rather crazy in the "blooper" department!

For some reason, the Catalina Diving Clowder, those feline diving queens resident in Avalon and fond of the diving experience off no less than Santa Catalina Island, have been known to have the odd flub or outtake in their diving videos. Which can be quite a pain when you consider that diving underwater requires much coordination and skill of the highest order.

Hence, imagine "Bubbles," the ever-spritely leader of the Diving Clowder, introducing a "blooper reel" video of diving gaffes and outtakes from their diving videos, thus:

Hello from "Cat"alina, all ... in a sport like diving such as requires serious skill and coordination, you can't have room for error or poor judgment lest serious issues ensue. But on several occasions, when we go out diving and produce video records of these experiences as translate into our diving video series, things can sometimes get hilariously uncontrolled.

With that in mind, the Clowder came up with some of our best mistakes and miscues from our dives ... not to mention narration as has been known to miss the mark. In enjoying these miscues, just remember that we're old hands at this game, so, number one, don't attempt these stunts at home ... and number two, if you're looking to consider diving yourself, get some serious instruction.

(And you thought the diving demonstrations during the salad days of the glass-bottom boat tours of the Submarine Gardens back in the day were rather cheesy themselves!)

As reminder, the Catalina Diving Clowder is my own creation of original characters inspired and influenced by Hanna-Barbera Productions back in the day.

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @railguner34 @jellystone-enjoyer @catalinablog-blog @archive-archives @themineralyoucrave @princessgalaxy505 @thylordshipofbutts @thebigdingle @screamingtoosoftly @warnerbros-blog1 @catalinachamber @theweekenddigest @joey-gatorman @warnerbrosent-blog

#hanna barbera #original characters #fanfic friday #fanfiction #catalina island #diving catalina #diving cats #catalina diving clowder #diving video #blooper reel #outtakes #ng's #no good #diving misadventure #hannabarberaforever

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acidthecorvid · 6 months

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random danger force things

[because i wanted to write fanfiction for them... but then i didnt... because im lazy...lmao]

-The Danger Force kids are the type to fake wedding proposals to get free deserts at restaurants except it never works because they're too young

-[They probably get Schwoz and one of his girlfriends to do it and it works everytime]

-Bose and Miles play roblox constantly... they tried to play horror games except that resulted in Bose hurling his phone halfway across the man's nest

-Mika runs one of those "aesthetic study motivation" tik tok accounts where she just gives study tips and romanticizes school and the account is 100% called "Studyw/Shout0ut"

[she tried to rope in the others to help her with videos but they goof off a lot so they make good blooper reels]

[one video is just: Shoutout "hey can you light this candle we're gonna study until it goes out :D"; Volt "yeah sure-" *lights it and immediately blows it out*]

-When they have sleepovers Chapa is surprisingly the first one asleep- this is because the rest of the group figured out they can lull her to sleep by rambling until she nods off [which usually comes in the form of Mika infodumping about algebra or Bose babbling about Adventure time] because they know if they don't she'll stay up all night

-i feel like Miles is genuinely really talented but he never talks about it so no one knows

[miles is the type of kid to be amazing at a variety of things like art, music, dance, whatever but he just literally never says anything about it so only mika really knows]

-Mika and Chapa are unironically such a power duo when they go on missions together like they literally get things done so quickly

-[theyre the "can i kill them? "let me finish questioning them first" type of duo]

-There fully was a time when Chapa tried to scare Bose by jumping out from behind a door or something except he was with Mika who pulled him out of the way... which promptly resulted in Chapa stumbling over and falling face first onto the floor

-this one is really random but villain!bose and chapa are hella stu macher and billy loomis coded idk how to elaborate on this one

-Say whatever you want you and I both know Miles was super into hyperpop when that was a thing- like he didn't dress to show it but you just know his playlist was loaded with 100gecs and KevinKempt

-theres a variety of holes on the wells of the mans nest but a good chunk of them are from one time there was a spider and no one really knew what to do

[one hole is from mika screaming when she discovered it, two are from chapa trying to zap it, and three are from bose throwing shit at it (he threw WAY more than three things but only three of them slammed into the wall)]

#i would go on but this post is getting long #can i make a part two???#lowkey wanna spam the danger force tag #danger force tag as been lowkey dead :(#danger force #dangerverse #mika macklin #bose o'brien #chapa de silva #miles macklin

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hecckyeah · 7 months

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in my many many (many many many) years of constantly hyperfixating on new media, I've discovered the steps of obsession

C O N S U M E. Don't let anything stop your ravenous media consumption. Who needs to eat, anyway? You live and breathe this Thing, the dopamine and serotonin are pumping, it's all you can think about until it's finished, whether that's hours or days or weeks.

Enter the Fandom. This is where you start exploring the avenues of fandom content: fics, gifs, art, it all goes. You follow blogs, start talking with fellow fans, and discover the history of this Thing. You learn ALL the shipping drama and latch onto your faves. Your icon changes, maybe even your username. Nothing is safe in the wake of your journey.

BTS CRAZE. Oh, the Thing itself wasn't enough?? Now you're diving headlong into the Behind The Scenes of it all. YouTube blooper reels become your best friend, you learn all the actors' names and dates of birth and favorite colors. You can recite all the facts and trivia from memory.

Fanfiction BABEYYY. AO3 becomes your new best friend. You're up into the wee hours of the morning, scrolling like your life depends on it. Your username becomes some fic writer's wake-up email as you leave Kudos on e v e r y t h i n g. Fix it fics, hurt and comfort, you name it.

Creation. Now you're so invested in the fandom that simply consuming isn't enough. You must. CREATE. Ideas are bursting out of your brain faster than you can catch them. Whip out those crusty art skills and composition notebooks from the seventh grade, because it's going down and your followers are in for a ride.

Relive. It's all been consumed, every blog dug through for grainy gifs, every YouTube channel combed for behind the scenes and blooper reels, so now it's time for the next logical step: Re-consume everything. Again. (Rinse and repeat steps 1-6 until every last bit of serotonin has been wrung out of the Thing that can possibly be extracted.)

Level Off. You've watched every video, read every word, seen every gif, joined every Discord channel. It's finally time to rest. It's hard to let go, but you're comforted by the fact that this Thing will resurface before too long, consuming your mind yet again in due time.

...Ooh, a new shiny piece of media!!! "SO THERE'S THIS THING--" (see step 1)

#katie's sleep deprived ramblings #adhd things #hyperfixation #audhd

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lazlolullaby · 2 years

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ROTTMNT season 3 wish list, “Cassandra Jones in ‘Quest of the Vigilante’“

This isn’t an episode. It’s a full-blown arc, baby~ @help-i-need-a-cool-username

There’s a Short Film Competition and everyone decides to enter as a Clan. Shenanigans ensue.

Episode 1: Outline

Everyone tries to write out a script.

Leo wants a space adventure, Raph wants a historical drama, Donnie tried to mash together “all recent award winners” in a disjointed script, Mikey has concept art but no actual words or plot, April wants to film at a beach so she can have a vacation, Cassandra wants a documentary about her RISE TO THE TOP, and everything Junior comes up with is in the horror genre despite his best efforts.

Splinter, in a show of going “full circle” actually writes a film script after not doing it for the last ~25 years. It’s a “throwback” to Lou Jitsu films and martial arts wuxia action comedies. His Rat Flu induced Fanfiction was greatly appreciated to keep his skills sharp, but he doesn’t consider them to be for film, just for himself and his sons.

Everyone loves it and agree that Splinter has to direct.

Episode 2: Filming

The plot of the film: The Protagonist, martial arts enthusiast CJ has a twin brother, KC. Ninjas attack and steal him away and she goes on the rampage to rescue him. She joins up with her next door neighbor, AP, and her kappa friends all named after colors, to get him back.

They film in the Lair, in back alleys, April’s apartment, and at Todd’s Puppy Retreat. Everyone agreed that the Hidden City was supposed to be secret.

Junior is the dedicated camera man, since he’s so good at keeping up with the Turtles. There’s a blooper where Mikey points out “Found your bro, he’s been here the whole time~!” and grabs the camera and points it back at Junior. Everyone loses it.

Mikey becoming obsessed with the lighting and timing everyone's interactions so “they don’t lose the golden hour” and him having Beef with Raph who forgets his lines.

They just treat the script like a guideline because these kids are all improv kings. Cassandra was supposed to lose a fight and she just kept winning, so they had to write around it.

Episode 3: Cast and Crew Stories

Hypno-potomas and Warren show up and Warren is giddy to be in front of a camera again. They agree to be the Villains of the film and promise to not be jerks for a while. Which was good, because Splinter had originally had “Rat man” be the final Villain.

Something about Splinter continually letting go of the fact that his rat form isn’t evil or terrible, it just is.

Leo preening for the camera, because it’s in his blood. Donnie getting “lost in Kappa character” and balancing a bowl of water on his head and demanding cucumbers with people’s names carved into them.

Episode 4: The Cameo

Splinter been knew about people Speculating What Happened to Lou Jitsu. He likes watching documentaries and laughing about what they got wrong.

Because “write what you know” is a thing, he puts Lou Jitsu in the film, played by himself, with a cloaking brooch. He says that KC was taken to be part of an unwilling underground fighting competition that Lou escaped from.

He takes the brooch out for a spin with his kids and actually hates that paparazzi are a thing. Doesn’t like all of the phones in his face, decides its worse than being a rat.

Episode 5: Film Premiere

They miss the submission date for their film by 3 months. The cast party is legendary, so that makes up for it.

Michelangelo and Donnie just decide to upload it to their personal accounts. Donnie has the film proper and Mikey has the blooper reel.

There are so many memes. The Lou Jitsu disappearance gets trending again. If the boys are seen they’re just assumed to be nerds who love that one web video.

They’re all exhausted by the end, but Junior pipes up and is like, “I think I have an idea for the sequel?”

Everyone grins.

#rottmnt #lou jitsu rottmnt #fanfiction #splinter rottmnt #leo rottmnt #rottmnt raph #rottmnt michelangelo #rottmnt april #save rottmnt

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autismtana · 10 months

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bored so here's a pseudo-blooper reel of things i had originally planned to put in my fics and then didn't

the lima fried chicken manager in iltwylbihtwistlyb was going to play a more important role (she was originally going to be the person to take santana to the hospital in chapter 7)

puck's arc was going to be wayyyy darker in laylltitb

i was going to give santana type 1 diabetes and celiac (in the end i figured i'd already done so many shitty things to her in my fanfiction that i didn't want to deprive her of her safe food on top of that ... i have thought about giving queen maribel diabetes and it's not completely off the table at this stage ... based on how poor santana's executive functioning is in iltwylbihtwistlyb and (ttdp)twgwig i think her being diabetic would be problematic)

bwioibsmsisufl was going to have a slight complication with quinn inviting brittana for a sleepover at her house and the girls feeling uncomfortable because russell fabray scares both of them - i had a dialogue set that originally was going to go in band class fic that i then put on the backburner to go into 2009 fic but i forgot i had and didn't end up using (it didn't fit the narrative that queen maribel doesn't allow santana to stay at quinn's house bc russell fabray is creepy)

santana's dad was going to say something homophobic when he was watching the spurs-grizzlies game in chapter 9

santana was going to have sam's menty-b from chapter 8; sam was actually going to have a mild heart attack but i didn't want to trigger myself too much (medical stuff gives me anxiety)

there were some songs that the troubletones were going to sing that i sadly had to cut ("on the willows" from godspell and "i love music" by the o'jays were the most memorable/egregious cuts)

#unholybinchicken #my fics #my blooper reel #might be more stuff added we'll see

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mythos-writes · 3 years

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Blooper Reel

Jared Padalecki x (Female) Reader, Jensen Ackles x (Female) Reader (platonic), Misha Collins x (Female) Reader (platonic)

Plot: Shooting scenes and getting them done are nice, but getting onto the blooper reel is even better

Supernatural Masterlist

Warnings: none

Word Count: 557 Dabble

(Y/C/N)= Your Character Name

Divider by @talesmaniac89

I do not give permission for anyone to repost/ post my stories, with or without credit. Reblogs, comments, etc. are more than welcomed, but please DO NOT copy and paste my stories that you may like onto another platform.

You were standing beside Jared, waiting for Jensen to walk in to start the scene when we heard something break, then it was followed by laughter. You two quickly got up and followed the laughter and saw Jensen laying on the ground and Misha bend over laughing.

“Looks like someone misstepped,” you say while trying to hold your laughs. The crew then quickly came on and reset anything that had gotten moved.

“We might need extra spotters for Jensen this scene,” you comment while walking back with Jared to the other side of the set.

“HEY!” was yelled from the door, causing both of you to laugh. Jared quickly high-fived you before sitting down in his original spot.

You were sitting in between Jensen and Jared in Baby. Sam Dean and (Y/C/N) were going on a hunt.

“So what do you think it is? A pack of werewolves? A nest of vampires?” Sam questions. (Y/C/N) leans forward to be in between the two brothers, so she can talk to both brothers.

“From what is shown in the newspaper, it could be linked with the… umm… god damn it!” you yell, causing the scene to stop and the three of you start to laugh.

“Sorry I was really trying, what was the line?”

“I think it was supposed to be linked with the British Man of Letters,” Jensen says. You glare at him, but the director agrees with him, causing Jensen to stick out his tongue at you. “Oh whatever,” you say while sitting back into the backseat of Baby.

(Y/C/N) and Sam was supposed to be returning to the motel room when Dean opens the door and punches Sam in the face. Both (Y/N) and Jared were looking discouraged as they came up to the door. But got quickly thrown off when instead of seeing a punch coming, Jensen tackling the two into the bushes behind them. Laughter quickly following the three.

“Jensen!” (Y/N) calls out while still laughing.

He gets up off his co-stars before Jared gets up, and (Y/N) tumbles over the bushes. She comes around and Jared brings her into a hug. He kisses the crown of her head before they had to reset.

“I am assuming that we are doing that again?” she asks jokingly.

(Y/N) wasn’t in this scene, but Jared, Jensen and Misha were doing a scene where they were trying to figure out what was happening in the town, but Misha wasn’t really feeling like doing the scene right and decided that he would make a paper airplane and throw it at the two. Only Jared was facing him when he threw the paper, causing Jared to break character and bend over in laughter. Clueless Jensen turns around, having a feeling that Misha had one something.

(Y/N) quickly ran onto the set with a tissue. She then starts to pat the tears away.

“Jared you can’t mess up your makeup,” she says, playing it up a little, now causing Jensen to chuckle.

Just as (Y/N) was finishing her little joke, she turned as Misha threw another paper airplane at her. This caused everyone to start laughing again. As she walks off the set she looks into the camera lens.

“Just another normal day on the set of Supernatural.”

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castel #Jared Paladecki #Jensen Ankles #Misha Collins #jared padalecki x you #jensen ackles x reader #misha collins x reader #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x y/n #castel x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #blooper reel #blooper #dabble

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pandoraborn · 3 years

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You know what fanfiction trend I want to see more of?

Blooper fics. Like taking from the source material or another fic you've written and making a bloopers reel out of it.

Do you know how fun that'd be?

Especially when you pair it with the angstiest fic ever.

#fanfiction trends #spencer speaks #for example: someone writing a passerine bloopers reel

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masterweaverx · 5 years

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The Brunswick Blooper Reel

“I’m not useless!” Maria snapped, waving off Oscar as she turned around. “I’m just a little hard of hearing. And blind without my eyes. And I have a chronic case of arthritis.”

Oscar blinked, staring at her. As she went on, though, a disbelieving grin formed on his face.

“In fact, it might be osteoporosis. And don’t get me started on the menopause! Actually,” Maria mused thoughtfully, “I might have Alzheimer's too, come to think of it, I don’t remember. Who are all you people again?”

By this point Oscar was hiding his laughter behind a glove. The others, just off screen, were not so discrete.

“That bastard!” Yang stepped forward angrily, pointing a demanding finger. “Bring him back!”

“I can’t!” Oscar cried furtively. “It’s not like before, it’s like he’s locked himself deep inside his head! My head? Oh, I hate this!”

“Actually I just went down to the bakery,” Ozpin explained, walking onto the scene with a wide grin. “Apology cookies anyone?”

A series of groans (and scattered laughter) went up, the annoyed director calling for a cut. Ruby eyed the bag in his hand. “You did get strawberry scones, right?”

“Like I would forget them.”

“Sweet!”

The door to the Brunswick farms was locked shut. And then--

*THWACK*

“Ow! F--sh--raaaaarg...”

“Oh wow,” came Ruby’s voice, “that’s one tough door. We did unlock it for this shot, right?”

“I’d be a little more worried about him,” Blake replied. “You alright there?”

Qrow groaned. “Medic....”

“What do you think?” Blake asked seriously.

Ruby solemnly shook her head. “I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right--”

A shriek came from upstairs--

“Weiss!”

--followed by a loud “GODDAMNIT!” and a laughing “Oh my god, really?”

Blake blinked. “That’s... not in the script--”

Weiss came storming down the stairs, blushing furiously. “Excuse me, I need to go scrub my eyes.”

“I’m sorry!” called a voice from upstairs.

Yang was chuckling as she descended. “Well, I mean, the bed is supposed to have dead people in it anyway--”

Ruby covered her face with her hands, trying to hide her disbelieving grin as Blake groaned. “Again?! Those two...”

“Welp,” Maria quipped, “I guess shooting is done for today.”

“Is this going in the blooper reel?” Blake asked plaintively.

Yang smirked. “Hell yes!”

Ruby descended into embarrassed giggling.

“Tell you what. You keep that fire going, and I’ll find us a story to read.”

Oscar smiled faintly as Maria hobbled over to the bookshelves.

“Oh look! The kama sutra!”

Baffled laughter escaped the boy’s mouth. “Wh--what? Seriously?”

“It’s a good read,” Maria pointed out.

“No, no no, nooooo.” Oscar held up his hands. “Waaaay too young for that!”

“Huh,” Yang mused, “the workshop is getting really good with these puppets.” She poked one of the inert Apathy experimentally. “I mean, these have got to be the creepiest ones yet.”

“Oh yeah,” Blake agreed. “And have you read the script? These things are just terrifying, really.”

Yang turned to her with a nod. “Yeah, I’m glad these aren’t real. I mean, zombie grimm are bad enough, but the whole will-draining thing--”

Bony fingers brushed her shoulder. “BRAAAAAAAINSSSSS...”

Yang spun around, fists at the ready. “GAH WHAT THE--”

“BRAAAAAAAAAAINSSSS!” Ruby repeated, waving the Apathy’s arms around with a huge grin.

Yang lowered her fists with an angry laugh. “Damn it, leave that kind of trolling in Chibi!”

"Hey, I think I found something,” Yang said. She smiled as she looked down at the trailer, her eyes drifting up to the window--and then she let out a horrified gasp.

One which quickly descended into helpless giggles. “Turn, heehee, turn the camera!”

The camera turned to the window. Through it, in the snow, Adam Taurus could be seen... dressed as a belly-dancer and performing actually quite well.

Yang threw the window open. “Damn it, you’re playing a psychopath! You’ve got to stop doing things like this!” She turned to the camera, helplessly gesturing at the man with a grin. “This guy. This guy!”

Blake sighed. “Adam... Adam always knew how to get into--”

“Mrrrw...”

“--how to get into people’s heads, and--”

“Mrrrrooooooow!”

Yang snorted.

Blake glared at her. “Do you think this is funny?”

“I didn’t say that!” Yang protested, desperately trying to hide her amusement.

Blake rolled her eyes, turning to the shelves and spotting the black cat with yet another dead bird at his paws. “I already told you: I am not interested!”

Yang couldn’t hold it back anymore, bursting out in peals of laughter.

With a sigh, Blake turned to the camera. “The glamor of acting, people.”

“Mrrrooooooooow?”

She gestured at the persistent feline. “Can we get my stalker off the set?!”

Yang’s laughter redoubled as she collapsed out of the shot. Blake glowered down, her leg moving slightly and producing a small thnk sound.

“Ow! Okay, hahaha, fair, but, hee, but still, hahahahahaha!”

With one final long-suffering look to the camera, Blake left the shot.

"Ruby, are we... are we really still going to Atlas?”

Ruby turned, a confused horror subtly creeping into her expression. “Weiss, what are you saying?”

“It’s just--”

“~Oooooh let’s go digital! Yeah let’s go--~”

Ruby fumbled with her scroll for a bit, before pressing the answer button. “Uh, hey there!

“Salutations! I just found this convenience store nearby, do you want me to pick something up for you?”

“Oh, that sounds great, um, definitely some trail mix--no beans or seafood--actually, would it be too much of me to ask you to get some subs or something for everyone on the way down?”

“Not at all! Are there any specific orders you would like?”

“I still don’t like mayonnaise,” Weiss interjected.

There was a moment of silence.

“Did I call you in the middle of a shot again?”

“Yeeeeah.” Ruby chuckled. “Sorry--”

“No no no, it’s my fault entirely. I’ll get the food, and I’ll be down in a bit, alright?”

“Alright. Love you!”

“Love you too! See you soon!” The scroll clicked off.

Ruby shook her head. Then she caught sight of Weiss’s look. “What?”

“I’m happy for you,” Weiss assured her with a grin.

Ruby glanced away. “Mmmrngh...” She couldn’t help the corner of her lips twitching upward.

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall and started rolling across the ground.

After a moment, Ruby sighed. “It didn’t shatter, did it.”

Four of the Apathy strode on stage, wearing hats and wielding canes as team RWBY expertly puppeted them through a dance routine.

“~Spooky scary skeletons send shivers down your spine, Shrieking skulls will shock your soul and seal your doom tonight! Spooky scary skeletons speak with such a screech, You'll shake and shudder in surprise when you hear these zombies shriek!...~”

“We’re all tired,” Oscar pointed out wearily.

“Maybe if we’re all so exhausted we should eat?” Blake suggested.

“Yeah,” Oscar agreed. “A nice bowl of cereal.”

“Pancakes,” Blake added. “Two plates.”

“Crispy bacon, prepared juuuust right.”

“Eggs over easy, on top of french bread.”

“Cinnamon toast.”

“What?”

“It’s cinnamon toast,” Oscar said seriously. “French bread is the baguette.”

“Well, you can use a baguette to make cinnamon toast, right?”

“I mean, sure, but then where does the madness end? Cereal in orange juice? Syrup-slathered ham? Breakfast burritos slathered in chocolate?”

“Actually,” Ruby interjected, “that last one sounds pretty good.”

“I once had a deep-fried stack of pancakes,” Weiss mused. “Not actually that bad.”

“I subscribe to the ‘take five cans of anything, dump in some noodles, and boil it all’ philosophy of cooking,” Yang added.

“You’d be surprised what kind of crazy combinations people can come up with,” Maria added. “Ever hear of muffin pizza?”

Oscar looked at them all in horror. “My god... you’re all insane.”

"Look, we can just drop it in the well,” Yang suggested. “Sure, the Grimm might find it, but it would take time. A year... ten... it may not even happen in our lifeline.”

There was a moment where everyone processed that.

“...Damn it.” Yang facepalmed. “I didn’t even mean to say that!”

“Yarr maties,” Blake growled, “batten down tha hatches, there be a storm a-comin’!”

Weiss snorted. “See, my mind went to ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.’”

Ruby turned to the camera with the biggest of grins. “I’ll take Grimm Studies for three hundred, please!”

“Alright, alright!” Yang rolled her eyes. “Come on, let me give this another take.”

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall, landing on its base and waggling to a stop.

Ruby glanced over her shoulder, then turned to the camera with an expression of utter deadpan.

Ruby dropped into the well, shortly after followed by her teammates. She took her scroll and raised it warily... and then moved her thumb with a mischievous smirk.

“~Cause this is THRILLEEEEEER! THRILLER NIGHT! And noone’s gonna save ya from the beast about to strike--~”

Ruby was already dancing and, after an amused glance, the other three joined in. Then Maria moonwalked into the scene with a huge grin.

“Having fun without me, dearies?”

“Woo!” Yang shouted. “Rock it granny!”

She did indeed proceed to rock it.

Maria clutched at the stairs, looking up desperately. “An exit!”

Weiss rushed past her--and ended up knocking her over with a loud THWUMP! She turned around, caught sight of the old woman, and covered her mouth with her hands.

“Oh my gosh, I--I am so sorry!” She walked back down slowly. “Are you alright?”

“...Medic...”

Ruby reached out desperately to her teammate, collapsed in front of the oncoming horde. “Blake...”

Blake looked at her, eyes... glittering with mischief, as she put a hand on her hip and adopted a catlike smirk. “Draw me like one of your french girls.”

Instantly everyone cracked up, one of the Apathy even clapping sarcastically.

“Oh come on, you were all thinking it!”

Ruby picked up the golden bottle. Her face contorted with quiet rage, and she flung it away.

It bounced against the wall and--

"OW! Ow ow ow, damn it!”

Qrow blinked, turning to her. “What? What just happened?”

“The bottle bounced against the wall and hit her head,” Oscar helpfully provided from off-screen.

“The hell? Are these things made of rubber or something?” Qrow gave Ruby a concerned look. “Kid, you okay?”

“I think I’m bleeding,” Ruby reported in amused pain. “Ow. Medic?”

Ruby glared angrily, her teeth clenched as she peered at her foes.

“Aaaaaand cut!”

She turned to the camera with a bright smile. “Now see, that’s going to look a lot more impressive once they edit the silver eye stuff in in post.”

The camera focused on the metal cellar doors, zooming in dramatically on the chain--

--which jerked briefly.

“OW! Damn it, what the hell is that chain made of, adamantium?”

“Uh,” came Blake’s voice, “you doing alright there?”

“It’s an easy shot, they said. Punch open the door, they said! Damn it, I think my hand’s dead.”

“So...” Ruby mused. “Do you need a medic, or a technician?”

“My other fist is still working fine, missy.”

"We need to go!” Ruby cried.

“Not yet,” Weiss decreed, grabbing a bottle off the shelf. She threw it overhand at the cellar...

...and it bounced off the head of an Apathy, landing cork-first on the ground without spilling a drop.

“...What the hell?!”

“I know, right?!”

"They’re called the Apathy,” Maria explained morosely. “They’re not strong, or ferocious, or cunning. They just drain your will--”

The entire trailer suddenly jerked to a stop. A moment later, Bumblebee rolled behind it, engine cutting off.

“You all alright?” Yang asked.

“Yeah,” Ruby sighed. “We’re just going to have to hook this up and start this shot over.”

"Isn’t it obvious, girl?” Maria turned a sad smile on Ruby. “I have silver eyes.”

There was a moment where they all processed that.

“Um...” Ruby held up a finger. “Don’t you mean ‘had?’“

“Oh, I still have them,” Maria replied brightly, “they’re in my pocket here, let me show you!”

Everyone else broke out giggling, Ruby feebly protesting with a wave. “No, ew, gross! I believe you!”

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