#the idea of logically coming to the conclusion that «I have combed through everything on this Earth and determined that there are something

[schreiwen]

The Projectors are Bright

This was always a matter of contention with my ex. I can understand not many like hearing they project, yet they wielded such vehement defense surrounding the mere topic that you couldn’t bring it up even as a hypothetical, and barely the word itself. Any real, non-combative communication about it was impossible. They would claim repeatedly: “I know exactly what I’m feeling; it’s you who’s wrong/is projecting.”

I’d typically only bring it up when certain things made no sense to me. They would bring up things they said I was thinking or feeling that I genuinely wasn’t (cue the confusion), and being the over-thinker I am, I run all the “how, what, why”s through my head. In the end, projection seemed one of the possible conclusions. Not in a judgmental way — but a “if we recognize things, we can work through it” way. But their lash-back was oddly cold and inflexible and I was shut down and often targeted as the projector myself, by whatever logic they were working with. There were a few instances I observed most often, but the most commonly said that were entirely off-base;

“You’re always the one getting defensive.”

“You shut down whenever I try to talk about my feelings.”

“You’re trying to make me feel like I’m crazy!”

“You / They hate me.”

Since we couldn’t properly communicate about it, or get to where we were both coming from without my ex going into that vehement defense mode, I researched projection to check that I was in the right ballpark with these instances, and found quotes that felt like they applied to what I was experiencing with my ex / what they seemed to be going through:

“Through projection, they call you what they are. They accuse you of doing what they’re doing or planning on doing. They throw all the uncomfortable feelings onto you because they don’t want to deal with them. They throw their shame on you so they don’t have to deal with it. They make you feel guilty for who they are and what they’re doing because they’re unable to feel that guilt themselves.”

“Delusional projection occurs when you are noticing things about your environment (whether they are actually present or not) that lead to making concrete assumptions about your reality.”

“Psychological projection is usually a subconscious action. Your brain isn’t ready to process what you’re feeling, but it still wants an outside perspective of what’s going on.”

One of the many situations I remember hurting me was at the time I was finally able to end our relationship, and it was my ex’s sudden, adamant demand I “better not damage / trash [their] things,” that I return it all to them immediately, and that if I didn’t, they’d contact lawyers. Out of everything in our history of knowing each other, this was the most bizarre, out-of-left-field reaction I’d ever experienced with them, like they thought they were dealing with a complete stranger with whom they knew nothing about in the way of my entire character, my sense of morality.. simply who I’ve always been as a person.

It made me question if they had ever paid attention to who rather than what I was to them throughout our years of knowing each other, through all the friendship & love, because how could they think this if they truly knew me? I wished to understand what reasons they felt pointed to signs I’d ever be the type of person to vaguely consider vindictive behavior to begin with. I was thrown off & to be transparent—truly offended (which isn’t common for me - by nature I let most slide off me) by the idea they had such a massive disregard for someone they claimed to love.

It hurt me enough, I remember going into a sort of shutdown mode. Admittedly one of my worse coping mechanisms that I do my best to avoid, but this instance really got me.

Only long after our relationship’s end did I really recognize what power my ex held over me in this regard; they would back a person so far into a corner, whether intentional or not, that any form of relief or escape from their own tailored idea of reality they’ve forced you into begins to feel like a lost cause. You might at one point feel there’s a way out, or a way to explain your own reality, but they’ll cut you off or wear you down to the point it’s easiest to stay buried in their little corner, while they turn to the crowd nearby, pointing and screaming in your direction. Shutting down wasn’t my ideal and I always aim to utilize better coping mechanisms, but at the time I had reached my limit, so from then on all I could manage was a detached politeness to protect myself when interacting with them, almost like a business exchange. It was like being worried to move in the vicinity of a poised snake.

I wondered if these ideas existed in my ex’s head because it’s what they would’ve done to me if the situation had been reversed? Thinking this somehow hurt most. Would they have destroyed my possessions out of spite? Would that thought actually make them feel better? Did they destroy all of what they did still have of mine? I remember I’d already had a plan to return their things, but after the unprompted legal scare they dragged even their own family into despite me showing zero resistance to the matter, my anxiety was at its peak and all I wanted was to get everything back to them asap. I had to budget, so some of it took time (I’d already spent most of my money moving both our possessions to our new location), and in the end spent almost $800-900 shipping it back again, at no expense of their own. At a point during that terrible process, they insisted I was “legally obligated & responsible due to emotional trauma,” and I already felt defeated.

It was difficult to describe the sensations that lingered even throughout my shutdown; I felt like my soul had died at the realization my ex didn’t seem to see me as a person themselves, and could truly imagine me in this destructive way, whether because they truly believed it or another defense mechanism. I remember being physically sick over these thoughts for months.

The question still gets in my head: was my ex projecting, or was it being out of touch?

#toxic behavior #toxic relationship #emotional immaturity #projection #journal #manipulation #people of my past

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I've been seeing a resurgence of the EDITH discourse, so I guess I'm throwing in my two cents that no one asked for

I really don't think the whole thing 'ruined' Tony's character development.

Tony's Entire Thing was his desire to save everyone. Ultron was intended to be a 'suit of armor around the world'. That's...not inherently a bad thing. It's a logical thing, when you consider everything that's happened in the mcu. And the main argument is that after Ultron and Sokovia he should've given up...and I think he did!

Tony originally wanted to armor the world because he knew the Avengers wouldn't be able to handle everything. He was paranoid about it. But after everything with Ultron, the team managed to take the threat out and they were still together, save Banner and Thor. So I think through his guilt Tony was able to come to the conclusion that maybe the Avengers would be enough.

And then Civil War happens.

So the teams gone, and while they clearly didn't stop helping people while they were in hiding, it was on a much smaller scale. Anything else would've gotten them caught. Tony was the only person left to handle high level threats. And we can assume he kept up with that- Steve called him Earth's Best Defender for a reason.

But Tony has also always known that Iron Man would end up killing him one day. So I really don't think it's that out of left field for him to start planning a way to help people after he's gone? And the thing is...Ultron was supposed to be different than his other AI's. That's why Bruce and him gave up on the project before they had the idea to advance him with an infinity stone. But Edith....isn't different from Jarvis and Friday and Karen at all. She's exactly the same as them- she's amazingly advanced, but she can't make decisions by herself, she needs a person to work with.

Now we also know after Civil War, when Tony was likely making his backup plan, he was getting closer to Peter and watching Peter grow into a better hero. Tony always knew Iron Man would kill him, but he also thought of Peter like a son, and you always think you have more time with your family than you end up getting. He probably thought, he's still in the prime of his life, he can handle defending the world for a bit, by the time he croaks Peter's gonna be an adult, an official Avenger, and completely ready to handle a leadership role. We know he made Edith before the snap because he gave them to Fury to pass on to Peter- he probably didn't want something like that in his will in case that got leaked, because having everyone know there's a defense system and who exactly is in charge of it could get messy. Beck and his team only found out Peter inherited Edith because some woman was illegally combing through files. Tony was trying to protect Peter's identity while also insuring that he'd definitely get Edith.

And then....the snap happened. Fury died to, and it's likely he had the glasses on him when he died (not exactly the kind of thing you leave laying around). And...Tony quit. Literally everything he ways tried to prevent happening happened. He likely didn't think anything worse than the snap could happen, so he gave up on trying to protect the planet. And he didn't entirely realize he had to die until Strange let him know on the battlefield. He's out of retirement for less than a week before tbe finale battle, and was working nonstop the whole time...it's not like he had a chance to change his plans for after his death.

My point is, I think Tony making Edith was definitely in character, not inherently a bad plan, and he certainly never expected Peter to be put in charge of the program while he was still a teenager. He thought he had more time to help Peter grow- if Peter had been mentoring under Tony for 7 years instead of the two that they got, he would've been less doubtful about Tony's faith in him. Hell, he probably even would have been made aware of Edith and prepared to accept the responsibility. And he'd probably understand how the program works and know how to use it properly. I don't think it was a mistake to make it...honestly the only mistake I'd put on Tony in this situation is not taking enough actions to ensure angry ex-employees didn't try to get revenge.

anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk

#marvel #tony stark #iron man #spiderman #sm ffh #molly mumbles

[muddyhippy]

Night Terrors, Chapter 5: Check-ins and Check-ups

A Lily Of-Many-Names Mechanisms Story

(Re-posting again because Tumblr refuses to have this pop up in the mechanisms tag and I am determined to try all the things I can think of before I give up!)

Summary

Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

Featuring;  Some science officer observations, discussions of nightmares, lots of comfort, medical practice, some past Jonny whump, and some soft mechs at the end!

Check-ins and Check-ups

 There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

 Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

 Ah.

 Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

 “Jonny not in his room?”

 Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

 Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

 “You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raph.

 “It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

 Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

 “Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

 “Quite.”

 “I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

 “I see.” Raphaella frowned.

 Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

 The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

 “Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

 Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

 It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

 Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

 Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

 Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

 “Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence?  

 “It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

 “An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

 “We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

 “Promise?”

 Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

 “On my honour as a scientist.”

 Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

 “Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

 Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

 The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

 Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

 It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

 She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

 He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

 He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

 Maybe a hint.

 He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

 Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

 Still, it felt, well, nice to see her improving.

 The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

 She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

 He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

 Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term.  Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

 It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

 She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

 Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a mortal bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with his family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

 He didn’t have to like it though.

 Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

 She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop.  She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

 Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

 Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

 Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

 The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

 Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

 Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

 Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

 That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

 “Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

 Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

 “But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

 The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

 Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

 Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

 Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

 He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from anything.

 “How do you know?”

 Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘It’s what comes after’ remained unsaid.

 “Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

 Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

 Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

 “You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it.  

 Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

 She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

 “Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

 “That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

 Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

 Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

 He swallowed. “Sure.”

 Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

 Jonny gave her tiniest nod.

 This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she could but she wasn’t armed right now and she liked his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

 He wasn’t strapped to a table.

 He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

 He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It was fine.

 The disc made contact.

 It took everything in him not to bolt.

 “Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

 Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

 “I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

 Fucking Hell. That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

 Lily was.

 This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

 It took two tries to speak.

 “T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

 “I am?”

 “Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

 Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

 Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

 Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

 “It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

 She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his spicesmokewhiskey.

 It was okay.

 She was safe.

 They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

 All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

 “There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

 Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it would hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt them when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

 She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

 “It didn’t hurt!”

 Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

 “You did!” Lily beamed wider.

 “Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

 Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

 Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

 With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

 “Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

 Lily did the best she could.

 After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

 Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

 She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

 The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

 “Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

 “Really?” Lily perked up even more.

 “Oh yes.”

 “What?”

 “I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

 The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

 Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

 Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

 She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

 Jonny still endured it for her sake.

 Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

 The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

 It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

 Most notably of course was Jonny.

 His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, centred, for lack of a better word.

 Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

 Think of the devil…

 Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

 She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

 The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

 “Come in Jonny.”

 The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

 The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

 She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

 As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

 Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

 Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

 “Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

 “Well congratulations.”

 “She been here long?”

 “Only half an hour or so.”

 “Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

 “How did you lose her this time?”

 “I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

 “And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

 “Because I wasn’t!”

 “Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

 The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

 “Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

 “A secret something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

 “You won’t find it.”

 “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

 Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

 “No.”

 ‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

 “Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

 “Fuck off Raph.”

 “I could just wake her.”

 “I could just shoot you.”

 “You know you won’t.”

 The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

 “Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game.  

 “What was it about this time?”

 “Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

 “Oh, standard then. Good.”

 “Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

 Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

 He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

 So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

 Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

 The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

 It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

 “Jonny?”

 He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

 He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

 “Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what I,” she corrected, “do here?”

 That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for reassurance, reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

 He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

 He couldn’t do it.

 If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

 He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

 “No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

 Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

 “Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

 Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

 That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

 “What do we do when that ends?”

 “We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

 Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

 So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

 Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

 “Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

 Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

 “It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

 Jonny began to open his mouth.

 “You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

 Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was her saying it.

 Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

 Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

 She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

 She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

 He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

 He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

 They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

 Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

 Otherwise, what even was the point?

 Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

 Raphaella found that only pleased her more.

#the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #raphaella la cognizi #Lily Of-Many-Names #I really hope this posting works #I am sick of tumblr screwing me over #I just want my mechs content to make it on to the mechs tag #IT'S NOT HARD TUMBLR #Just post it like I tag it! #Argh!

[iwontstayhidden]

Inadequate.

Summary: After Putting Others First, Logan believes that the other sides have wanted him out of the picture all along. Fortunately, Virgil, Patton, and Roman help him to see how much he is truly appreciated. [We’re gonna address all of the insecure!Logan stuff that's been building up and validate him with Platonic LAMP and wholesome talks.]

Read on Ao3

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Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don’t want to talk about it. I’m just here to deliver one last fact, and then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company.”

Logan sank out with a heavy sigh. His intentions were to return to some new research on an unusual stellar explosion, but he found himself distracted by recent events with Thomas and the sides. Logan thought that by reducing his physical presence to a text bubble for the latest episode, he would decrease the likelihood of the others becoming irritated with him. But this did not seem to be the case at all, based on the evidence mounting in Logan’s mind. Roman said that he “very much did not succeed” in being less invasive. Patton expressed gratitude that Logan’s factoids (an inaccurate term that set Logan even more on edge) were optional this time. Had they always been so vexed by Logan’s facts? And as his function in the group was to provide logic, did this further imply that they are always aggravated by Logan himself? By his mere presence?

Logan found himself pacing back and forth, an activity he usually deemed futile after seeing Virgil work himself up while pacing countless times. But the more he allowed himself to review previous interactions, the more he became sure of this pattern of detestation. And the worst part was that each of the sides had generously attempted to inform Logan that they did not want to hear from him; did not require his assistance! But he was so caught up in his facts. In sharing everything he knew with those he considered to be his companions. Perhaps he had been mistaken in thinking that their feelings for him were affectionate. This certainly wouldn’t be the first time Logan was fooled by the complexity of human emotion and relationships. His friends had been clear all along…

                          “Logan? Shut your ever-flapping gobtalker.”

                                    “Oh hush, sub-astute teacher.”

                                       “Not a good time, Logan...”

                                    “Oh shut up , nerdy Wolverine.”

                             “I’m afraid this is a benched trial for you.”

Logan felt himself losing physical and mental control as these memories grew louder and more insistent. He backed up, feeling vaguely dizzy, and registered that he hit the edge of his bed.

Simultaneously, there was a knock on the door. “Logan, are you in there?” Virgil. Logan sighed, which sounded like a loud gasp for air. Perhaps Virgil might be useful in this moment, at least for temporarily grounding him and decreasing this budding anxiety. “Yes, you may enter, Virgil.” Logan thought that his response sounded quite normal, a decent cover-up for his current state of mind. He was proven wrong immediately upon Virgil’s entrance. “Are they still- woah dude, what’s up? You look like me at 2am” Logan swallowed, which felt considerably more difficult than it should, considering humans swallow saliva an average of 500 to 700 ti-

Virgil interrupted Logan’s racing thoughts. “Okay, I can basically hear you thinking, and it’s making me anxious. What the hell happened up there? I leave you guys alone for one freaking episode and you come back looking like you’re about to put me out of a job. Who do I need to punch?” Logan offered a weak smile, and Virgil raised an eyebrow. “I am- I’ve discovered- I am experiencing some...unpleasant thoughts which appear to have induced some level of physicalized anxiety” Logan rushed out, looking away. A pause. Now you’ve done it, Logan. You’re the embodiment of logic, this display of emotions is unfitting! Virgil is going to be just as baffled as you are, and he won’t fix it because he thinks you’re a freak. Let him leave now so you can continue to reflect upon how useless you’ve been to Thomas and the others.

“Logan, hey. Can you hear me? You don’t have to look, that’s okay. Can you feel what you’re sitting on right now?” Logan closed his eyes. “Th-this feels like the floor? But I wasn’t- I wasn’t here a minute ago…” Logan flushed, frustrated by his stuttering and rapid heart rate. “Yeah, you slipped down there a minute ago. L, I don’t want to freak you out but it seems like you’re having a minor panic attack. Luckily, you’ve stumbled upon the expert. Heh. Cause I’m...ok, nope, wrong time for dark humor…” Logan willed himself to glance up at Virgil and started laughing in spite of himself. Virgil joined in after a minute of half-hearted glaring. “Okay, deflections unfortunately don’t work in the long-term. It uh, usually helps me to do some deep breathing if you wanna try that?” Logan nodded, guilt tugging at him for making Virgil deal with this.

Afterwards, Logan did feel more in control, at least in a physical sense (he should have thought of that, he knows how to address a panic attack, why couldn’t he just think-) “Thank you for your assistance with this...minor anxiety attack, Virgil. I do feel badly that you had to witness and address it, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I’ll be fine from here since you wish to leave.”

Logan looked up again as he heard Virgil scoff loudly. “What the hell gave you the idea that I want to leave? Did you leave your self-esteem upstairs, pocket protector?” Logan’s breath caught in his throat. “It would be impossible to ‘leave my self-esteem upstairs’, as self-esteem is not a physical entity-” he started. Virgil held up a hand, cutting Logan off. Shouldn’t you be used to getting cut off by now Logan? He wants you to shut up! “I really don’t get why you STILL take everything I say so literally. Seriously though, what’s going on? Do I need to get Patton in here?” “NO!” Logan yelled, wincing at his voice. Virgil raised an eyebrow and left without another word. Logan sighed. Having Virgil’s company to ground him in both a literal and figurative sense had been comforting, but it also made everything more painful. Logan realized more than ever how much he would truly miss Virgil’s presence when he finally ducked out, how much he genuinely enjoyed being around the other sides…

“Heyyy there kiddo...Virgil told me that you’re kinda off right now so I wanted to check in! This isn’t about earlier, is it? You know that we care about you!!” Logan willed himself to avoid snapping at Patton, but he didn’t want to risk being vulnerable in front of another side. “Don’t worry about me, Patton, I have simply realized belatedly that I am-” Logan swallowed, looking everywhere but at Patton“-undesirable as a friend and a side of Thomas’.” Logan finally looked up, and saw what he could only describe as pity reflected on Patton’s face. Don’t be melodramatic, Logan. Just explain that you finally recognize your inadequacy and share your intentions to duck out.

“You can’t really think that, LoLo-” Patton started, at the same time that Logan said “I have realized-” Patton opened and closed his mouth a few times before nodding at Logan to continue. “Thank you for allowing me to finish, it’s greatly appreciated. I have realized that my knowledge is disagreeable to you all, and as that is both my primary function and my singular skill, it would be best that I...duck out.” Logan finished, looking up to see Patton’s eyes fill with tears as Virgil and Roman burst into the room, practically falling over each other.

"NOT SO FAST, MICROSOFT NERD" Roman bellowed. "I don’t know where you got such a ridiculous idea, but we certainly don’t want you gone!” Logan adjusted his glasses, uncomfortable. He should have expected this sort of protestation from the others, despite his accurate statements. It is unlikely that the other sides would acknowledge their true feelings about Logan to his face.

“Falsehood. Perhaps you hadn’t specifically considered my ducking out, but I am not daft, Roman. I have noticed your eye rolls and reactions to my presence. I apologize for not arriving at this conclusion sooner.” At this, Logan’s voice cracked slightly. Patton’s eyes widened. “Oh Logan, that’s not true!! Roman and you may have your little arguments here and there but it’s mostly in good fun, right Roman? We totally value all the cool stuff you bring up!” Roman nodded, eyes fixed on Logan as if he didn’t recognize the side behind his insecurities. Logan took a shaky breath, trying to count to four silently. But it was not in his nature to allow false information go without a debate. The voices in his head were pounding, growing louder and more furious, more wild, more hurt. Logan glanced up and met Virgil’s worried stare, Patton’s bewilderment, and Roman’s passionate fury.

“Falsehood, again. As I stated, it took me far too long to recognize that I am….unwanted. But I will not be lied to now in some attempt to spare my feelings...”

“Lo, we are not lying when we say we car-”

                                                      “ENOUGH!!!!”

Logan began pacing again, hands switching between combing through his hair and flailing frantically. “I have compiled specific memories of each one of you asking me to shut up, to exit conversations...for example: just today Roman, you told me that I did NOT succeed in being less invasive, and quite literally slashed my words in half, which Patton thanked you for because you had ‘cut the tension’. Patton, you just said you ‘value all the cool stuff I bring up’, but earlier appeared quite relieved that I had made my presence and voice optional, which you took advantage of by hitting my ‘skip all’ button! I am not useful in providing logic, I am...not useful as a friend seeing as I can’t read social cues or provide joy, s-so….” Logan closed his eyes as he felt tears slide down his cheeks. The barrier had broken. He tried pushing past the others to leave, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around him.

“Logan, I...apologize for what I said earlier. And for anything in the past that has made you uncomfortable. We may have our moments not seeing eye to eye, but at the end of the day you keep me, and all of us in check. You balance us out! And that- meaning YOU- is something we could never live without, you nerd. I’ll admit we have all hit some rough patches recently. Even I, your dashing prince, have been dealing with some...insecurities. So perhaps we have been harsh, and haven’t made enough room to appreciate each other. Especially to appreciate you, Logan. You are...truly amazing.” Logan looked up to see what he could only classify as genuine care and sincerity reflected in Roman’s eyes.

Patton moved to sit beside Logan and Roman, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder. He spoke after a moment, voice wobbly and eyes bright. “Roman is 1000% right, LoLo! And I am so sorry that I didn’t realize you weren’t feeling needed sooner. That is a horrible feeling...But you know what? You are a fantastic friend.” Logan interrupted, “Earlier you said that one can’t learn to care for others from a book, Patton. You were correct-” Patton shook his head, taking Logan’s hand and squeezing it once. Logan...did not hate it. “I shouldn’t have said that. But I did mean it when I said you’re a fantastic friend. You didn’t learn that from a book, Logan. You learned it from being with all of us! You show us you care in all those fun little ways that just scream ‘Logan!!’ And we absolutely love that! And we love you, exactly as you are. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit.” At that, Logan finally smiled.

Patton shot a pointed look at Virgil, who was still standing nearby. “Oh come on, I thought we agreed that my compliments are unspoken??” Several pointed looks. “Fine. Listen...I know where you’re coming from. I don’t think anyone is surprised to hear that I’ve gone through the whole ‘should I be here’ thing on basically a daily basis. But I don’t think Thomas, or these weirdos, or I could function without you. And yeah, you’re not mushy or affectionate in your friendship, which I actually relate to and appreciate because Patton’s hugs are already overwhelming enough-” “VIRGIL-” “-anyway, you show us that you care in other ways. And the fact that we’re saying we couldn’t do this without you means that you are a good friend. We just all show it in different ways.”

Logan stood up, wiping his tears quickly as he approached Virgil. They tried some combination of a hug, back pat, and hand shake before simultaneously deciding on finger guns. Patton started laughing, and they all joined in as Roman yelled “You absolute NERDS” fondly. “Do you believe us, Logan?” Patton asked after they quieted down. “I have reason to believe that these types of things take time to work through, but yes, I do find your words to be genuine and...moving. Thank you all, from the bottom of the heart that I apparently do have.” They all smiled at that, making no comment about the light blush that tinted Logan’s features.

The rest of the night was filled with BBC’s Sherlock, trivia games, and laughter. Once the others had gone their separate ways, even Janus and Remus made an appearance, and Logan found that their chaos was surprisingly comforting. He’d have to unpack that more later. For the moment, he felt content, knowing that while he still had much to learn of emotions and friendship, he actually knew a bit more than he thought. And that was adequate (at least for now).

#the working title for this was VALIDATION STATION #STARRING LOGAN SANDERS #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #platonic LAMP #sanders sides fanfiction #thomas sanders

[remywrites5]

I'm literally obsessed with your spideypools please do moreeee ily

           Peter just barely made it through the window before collapsing on Wade’s bed. He thought that crawling into Deadpool’s bed might not be the best idea considering how often Wade flirted with him. It felt a bit like leaving cookies on a plate for Santa. It was an invitation.

           He hoped his current predicament might dissuade Wade from any sexy thoughts. He should have known that hardly anything could dissuade Wade from sexy thoughts.

           “Petey, is it my birthday already?” Wade asked, leaning casually against the bedroom doorframe, clearing having come to see what the noise was. “I would have preferred you gift wrapped but I’ll make do.”

           Peter winced as he chuckled. “Fuck, Wade, don’t make me laugh,” he said, clutching his side.

           Wade immediately softened and hurried over. “Everything okay?” he asked, his dark eyes examining Peter’s body and not in the usual predatory way. “You hurt, Spidey?”

           Peter sighed and attempted to sit up. He didn’t quite make it and dropped back against the pillows. “Rhino did a number on my ribs,” he explained, pressing the button to release his suit so he could push it down and take stock of the damage. Definitely a few broken ribs but those would be healed by morning. That seemed to be the worst of it. Luckily there didn’t seem to be any bleeding, just a fair amount of bruises. “I couldn’t go home. If May saw me like this…

           “You don’t have to explain, Petey,” Wade said, sitting down on the bed next to Peter. “I told you there was an open door policy for you here. I meant it.”

           Peter glanced over at Wade and smiled softly. After Peter had told Wade his secret identity, Wade had offered up his apartment as a safe haven in return. It wasn’t like Wade had a secret identity to offer in return or even much in the way of secrets. He was notorious for spilling the beans – which was why Mr. Stark had warned Peter against letting Wade get too close – but for whatever reason Peter trusted him. And Wade had come through as far as Peter knew, keeping his secret.

           “Just let me crash here for a bit and then I’ll get out of your hair,” Peter said, letting his eyes drift shut.

           “I don’t have any hair for you to get out of.”

           Peter chuckled and then cringed when it felt like being stabbed in the side. “What did I say about making me laugh?”

           “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening,” Wade said honestly, dropping down next to Peter and turning his face towards him. “I was a bit distracted by having a half naked Spidey in my bed.”

           Peter rolled his eyes. “No funny business, Mr. Wilson.”

           “Of course not,” Wade said, making a face. “This is a full consent household.”

           Peter tugged at Wade’s hoodie until he got the message and moved closer. “I guess a little cuddle wouldn’t be so bad.”

           “You sure, baby boy?” Wade asked, chewing on his bottom lip. “If I hurt you I’d saw my arm off James Franco style.”

           “Don’t be dramatic, Wade,” Peter said, burying his face in Wade’s neck and sighing softly.

           “I don’t know how,” Wade teased, holding Peter gently like he was something small and frail instead of a guy who could catch a car in midair. Still, he had to admit it was kind of nice. It didn’t take long for his breathing to even out and drift off to sleep.

                                                           ***

           The next time Peter dropped in on Wade unexpectedly, Wade wasn’t home. Disappointed, Peter crawled into his bed and hugged Wade’s pillow. It took him forever to fall asleep and when he did it wasn’t very restful. He’d kick the covers off one moment only to be freezing the next. It felt like no matter how he positioned himself he just couldn’t get comfortable. At four in the morning he managed to close his eyes for more than a couple of minutes.

           A few hours later, Peter felt the bed dip beside him and Wade’s unmistakable large frame caged Peter’s in a hug. “This is a nice surprise,” Wade murmured, pulling Peter back flush against him so they were spooning. “If I’d known you were coming I would have gotten back from Guatemala sooner.”

           Peter didn’t answer because the moment Wade held him he finally succumbed to sleep.

                                                           ***

           The third time Peter visited Wade he wasn’t injured or anything. He was just bored and kind of missing Wade. He knew a lot of it was an act but Wade made everything seem so easy. You never had to worry about keeping a conversation going with Deadpool even if sometimes all you wanted was for him to shut up. Still, Peter considered himself one of the few people that could keep up with Wade. The only part Peter didn’t like was Wade’s propensity for making him blush.

           “Baby boy you stay on my mind and baby boy you are so damn fine!” Wade sang in front of the microwave as he heated up some burritos.

           Peter dropped down from the ceiling right in front of Wade, making Wade squeak in surprise. “That song about me?” Peter asked with a knowing grin.

           “Damn baby, it’s not just anyone who can get the drop on me,” Wade said, clutching his heart. “And of course the song is about you. Who else?”

           Peter grabbed the strings of Wade’s hoodie and began playing with them nervously. “You sing about me when I’m not even around?”

           “I sing about you all the time, Petey,” Wade said, crowding into Peter’s space. “I’ll see you in my dreams.” He continued to sing before laughing.

           “Wade, do you want to hang out Friday night?” Peter asked, saying the words all in one go in an effort to get them out before he could stop himself.

           Wade pointed to himself. “You wanna hang out with me?” he asked incredulously.

           Peter chuckled. “Yeah, I mean we have been.”

           Wade looked for a moment like he was going to reach out and touch Peter but instead he shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “You know you have a standing invitation, right, baby boy? I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t drop if you asked me to. I’d drop my own grandma off a forty story building.”

           Peter ducked his head down to hide the damn blush that refused to stop crawling its way up from his neck. “No need to kill your granny.”

           Wade shrugged. “I was more thinking of Wolverine in a nightie. Play a little Red Riding Hood. He’d get over it fast.”

           Peter laughed at the mental image in his head. “You’re ridiculous,” he said fondly.

           “I know.”

                                                                       ***

           Peter doesn’t want to say he obsessed over his appearance for their date – not a date – Frday. He doesn’t want to say it but he totally does. He spends more time in the mirror than he has in his entire life, circling through his wardrobe looking for anything decent to wear. Somehow he either looks too formal or too casual with no in between. If he dressed up would it be obvious he was thinking of this as a date – but it’s not a date – don’t be stupid Parker.

           Somehow he ends up in a button down shirt with his hoodie zipped up over it and his nicest pair of jeans. Life would be much easier if he could just wear his damn Spidey suit.

           He combed his hair about twenty times, not able to get it to fall just the way he wants it to. He then put a beanie on, only to immediately take it off. By the time he said goodbye to May and hurried out the door, he was sweating.

           When he got to Wade’s door he was so nervous he felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. He could barely raise his arm up to knock on the door. “Petey!” Wade said excitedly as he opened the door. “We going out of staying in?”

           Peter’s face paled. He hadn’t actually thought ahead that far. His main priority had been getting Wade to agree to this and getting here in one piece. He didn’t know he had to do all that and figure out something for them to do together.

           “Whatever you want to do,” Peter said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. It ends up cracking anyway and Peter cringed.

           Wade studied him for a moment. “Peter…” he said slowly as if coming to some kind of conclusion.

           Peter felt himself tense up as Wade used his real name. Wade never called him Peter. Petey, Spidey, baby boy, sweet cheeks, dat ass and sweetums, sure. But never Peter. Peter’s brow broke out into sweat as he waited.

           “Is this a date?” Wade asked, his face breaking out into a huge grin. “Are you trying to date me?”

           Peter shuffled his feet. “Why is that so funny?” he asked defensively. “We’ve been spending time together and I like you. It’s only logical – “

           Wade grabbed Peter and yanked him forward before kicking the door shut. “You didn’t really think there was a chance I was going to say no to you, did you?” Wade teased, gently sliding his fingers through Peter’s hair.

           “There’s always a chance,” Peter said softly, pressing into Wade’s touch.

           “I thought you were supposed to be some kind of genius or something.”

           Peter would have minded the insult but Wade chose that moment to press his lips against Peter’s. As Peter melted against Wade he found he didn’t mind much of anything. The city could have been on fire behind them and Peter wouldn’t even go to help. Okay, fine, he would help but he’d be extremely annoyed by it.

#spideypool #i write things #fluff #get together #friends to lovers #peter parker x wade wilson #my-url-is-questionable #long post

[vannahfanfics]

Hey!! I gots ya a prompt request! Lucy-centric (ft), light angst, and some Graylu mixed in! You can make it an AU if you want depending on how you go about this? Okay so could you write about a first time holiday event Lucy never got to experience during her childhood (gasps from holiday lovers) but is doing with the gang? Maybe you can make it more angsty if you do it in a Modern AU? Ooohh there’s so many ways you could write this!! You’ll make something great I know!! You’re awesome! Have fun!

Ayo-Kay! Here your actual requested story! :D I hope you enjoy it!

Sunshine on a Winter’s Night

The sweet scent of gingerbread wafted up Lucy’s nose, preceding the arrival of a serenely smiling Mirajane delivering a plateful of the artistically crafted, frosted little cookie men to the table where Lucy was in avid discussion with Natsu, Gray, and Erza. Mirajane’s cooking in all capacities was always delectable, and so Lucy’s mouth was watering in anticipation before she had even plucked one of the cute pastries off the plate. As she bit down onto the head of her choice, she instantly melted into a contented sigh as the sugary-sweet icing mingling with the sharp taste of ginger spread over her tongue. She mumbled her approval around the half-eaten head of the little cookie man, because truthfully, she didn’t even want to remove the yummy treat from her mouth to speak. Erza, Gray, and Natsu were in similar states of rapture approaching food nirvana.

“Teehee! Thank you, you guys!” Mirajane flushed under the praise. With her composure so sweet and innocent, sometimes it really was a wonder that it belied such a dominatrix, murderous alter ego. Lucy munched happily on the little cookie, simply savoring it, before the white-haired woman’s continuation piqued her interest. “I just wanted to get feedback on the new recipe I’m trying before Elfman, Lisanna, and I start on our annual gingerbread house!”

“Oh, right!” Natsu grinned as he scarfed down his fifth cookie. “Your gingerbread houses are always awesome, Mira!” He looked at Lucy with child-like delight. “Lucy, you’ve never gotten the chance to see it, have ya? Mira and the others make this huuuuuuge gingerbread house and then we eat it!”  His sharp teeth glinted in ravish desire as he likely imaging tearing them into the side of a gingerbread mansion. Lucy looked up at Mirajane with a bright smile.

“Wow, Mira! You’re so talented. I can’t wait to see it- and taste it, if it’s as good as this!” she laughed while licking gingerbread crumbs from her lips. Following another giggle of glee, Mirajane chatted with them for a few minutes before wandering off with her plate of remaining cookies to gather more opinions from the other members of the guilt. Now that her mind was absorbed with dancing visions of little gingerbread men and their candy houses, Lucy suddenly realized something. “Hmm… Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever built a gingerbread house.”

“Really, Lucy?” Erza looked at her in mild shock. She then frowned slightly. “Well, it is tradition here in the guild… Many members have helped with the process in some capacity over the years… But that doesn’t mean it’s every family’s holiday tradition, I suppose.”

“My family didn’t have many holiday traditions,” she sighed while pursing her lips in a pout of self-pity. “My father didn’t really believe in them… He said they got in the way of productivity.” Though she and her father had since made amends before (and after, thanks to Lucy’s soul-searching) his passing, her childhood still stung in many ways, including it seemed her lack of holiday cheer. The three of them looked at her with owlish eyes and gaping mouths. Erza’s arms then surged forward to wrap around Lucy’s head and literally pull her across the table to smother her into her chest; it would’ve been comforting, if Lucy’s cheek had not instead met the cold and unforgiving surface of her steel armor. Oblivious, she nuzzled into Lucy’s blonde waves while crooning supportive encouragements. After a bit of worming about in her iron grip, Lucy was able to push herself up onto her hands with a huff. “It’s not that big of a deal! Honestly, guys, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything!”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I am totally missing out!” Lucy wailed in dismay as she flopped face-down onto her bed. Ever since the conversation about the gingerbread houses, Lucy had been plagued with a blue feeling that made everything less sunny to her. Upon arriving home, she had tried soaking in a bubble bath, putting on fluffy pajamas, and working on her novel notes, but nothing had alleviated her mild depression. With a frustrated shout, she had slammed down her pencil and jumped up with angry tears in her eyes; no matter how much she had tried to deny it, missing out on the holiday tradition got to her. With a low, miserable whine, she turned her head to the side to stare miserably at her bedroom wall. Lucy was not normally one to be melancholy over trivial things, but as she thought about it, it really wasn’t trivial; the gingerbread house was merely a representative of another aspect of her rough, soulless childhood following her mother’s passing. She knew there was no use sulking over it, but somehow she just couldn’t will herself to crawl out of bed and stop entertaining the gloomy feeling.

That is, until she heard the doorbell ring.

She knew it wasn’t Natsu, because he never bothered with the door and much preferred breaking in through the window like some common vagrant; her next logical conclusion was Gray. He stopped by from time to time by himself when he needed a change of pace, and would enjoy a cup of coffee and some small cookies with her every now and again. It had grown to the point where she had begun bouncing ideas for her novel off him, and though he didn’t really read for fun or know the intimate details of her story, he always listened attentively and gave her his honest opinion. Sometimes he had some really insightful things to say; she had incorporated quite a few of them into her work in progress.

“Coming!” she called as she retracted herself from her cozy, warm covers like an inchworm moving backwards, throwing her head back with a small sigh and a jiggle of her shoulders as if she could literally shake off the gray cloud of dejection around her. It clung annoyingly to her, like a heavy cloak. The sky outside wasn’t helping, as it was eclipsed by oppressive dark clouds that sapped the light and life out of everything and made the winter chill seem even deeper. Still, she couldn’t keep Gray waiting too long or he would impatiently start pounding on her door, so nonetheless she slid from her bed to walk barefoot down the hallway and to her front door. She swung it open right at the moment Gray was going to start knocking wildly, as she caught him with an embarrassed expression and his arm raised in a fist. “Hey, what’s up?” She tried to push as much false cheer and her usual optimism into her voice as possible, not really wanting to talk about her issues at the moment. Gray gulped slightly and then looked shyly down at his feet, which was unusual for him; it was then that she noticed he was hiding something behind his back. “Whatcha got?”

“Here!” he grunted and suddenly thrusted it into her hands, pushing her back out of the doorframe onto her hallway rug. Reeling at the abruptness of his action, it took her a moment to recover and actually look down at what he had presented her with. Her heart instantly scrunched in her chest with gratitude. In her hands was a small make-your-own gingerbread house kit, complete with all the decorating essentials. The gesture was overwhelmingly thoughtful. She found tears of a different kind brimming in her earth-brown eyes as she looked up at him with a genuinely moved smile.

“Gray, I… Thank you so much…” Apparently he had surpassed his initial timidity and awkwardness, because he now flashed her a pleased smirk. He slid one hand into the pocket of his coat while he raised the other arm to prop himself up against the doorjamb, and if one happened to pass by, it would not look unlike a man flirting with his lover. Lucy was too touched by his simple but considerate gift to even consider such notions.

“Of course. You didn’t think I wouldn’t notice how sad about it you were, did you?” Lucy’s smile warmed and now she was the one who shyly cast her gaze to her toes, which were digging into the fluffy fibers of her rug as happiness sang through her nerves. Gray really did have a way of seeing right through her. Natsu did too, a lot of times, but there were also instances where she had been able to conceal them well enough for it to go unnoticed by her best friend… But somehow, Gray was able to sniff out her melancholies or worries like a bloodhound. He would appear out of the blue like this to present her with some little trifle or words of encouragement; in fact, one such occasion had been the springboard for his afternoon and evening visits. He pulled his hand out of his pocket to reach out and very gently rustle her tousled blonde hair, causing her to look up at him. The smile on his face was so impossibly sweet that Lucy practically melted on the spot. Her heart rate quickened and her body temperature climbed a few notches as a little voice in the back of her mind quipped that the emotion he was wearing could only be loving adoration. “I just can’t stand to see you so sad, Lucy. You’re the sunshine of our guild, you know.” Lucy had to look down again because her face was crumpling as she fought back tears.

“Thank you,” she whispered again with a voice like a fleeting breeze. She was just so overcome by all this, her emotional responses heightened due to her already tumultuous state. Gray just continued to soothingly comb through her blonde tresses with his fingers as she recollected herself. After a few minutes, she was able to take a deep breath and raise her head to smile sweetly at him. “Gray, will you make the gingerbread house with me?”

“Of course,” he smiled back at her and walked inside. As he brushed past her on his way to the kitchen in an action that could only be deliberate, Lucy breathed in a sharp, barely audible breath as electricity skipped over her skin where his coat had lightly made contact. Clutching at her heart as it refused to still, she stared at the winter scenery beyond the ajar door. She had the feeling then that tonight, things would change…

After regaining her senses, she shut the door and joined him in the kitchen; he had deemed it necessary to strip off his coat and assemble the house bare-chested. Given it was one of his personality traits she had long since grown used to it; however, to her shock and mild horror, the sight of his shirtless stole all the breath in her lungs and she had to use all of her willpower to keep from ogling at his sculpted body. Of course she had always known Gray was attractive; many of the men of the guild were- but this was the first time that it was painfully apparent and threatening to derail her focus. Gulping, she attempted to redirect her energy on opening the gingerbread house kit to inspect its contents. It wouldn’t be a fancy, homemade creation like Mirajane’s, as the gingerbread sheets came pre-cooked and packaged in plastic to ensure freshness alongside a sizeable container of frosting and various varieties of candies. Her anxiety was just beginning to subside as she anticipated the revelry of assembling the thing- that is, until Gray leaned over her shoulder to likewise inspect the goods and involuntarily pressed his abs into her back. Surely he must’ve felt the shiver that crawled up her spine, but if he did, he made no mention of it.

I’m going to die before this is over, she lamented with a small groan. If Juvia doesn’t bust down the door and kill me for crushing on Gray first! Lucy was not oblivious to what was happening to her. She almost wished that Juvia and Gray were a confirmed item so she could squash all hopes of shenanigans happening her, but though Gray cared very deeply for the water mage, so far he had refused her many advances… Meaning that devilish little voice in her head could sing that she had a chance with him. Oh my, she just sighed silently and began opening the gingerbread packages with a quick prayer to preserve her sanity.

A floor, four walls, and two panels for a roof were contained in the packages. Lucy cracked open the jar of frosting and gave it a sample. It was surprisingly good considering it was in a cheap cooking kit, and she held up the jar for Gray to sample. She tried to keep her hand from trembling violently as his head dipped down next to hers to stick his finger into the frosting and scoop some up, looking at her as he very unnecessarily slowly drew it over his tongue.

“It’s good,” he remarked casually as if he hadn’t done the most seductive thing Lucy had ever seen in her life. She turned stiffly from him as she felt her soul leaving her body. She wasn’t going to survive this, no sir. All she could manage was a weak, shaky chuckle as she set the jar down, gripping it so hard the plastic would crack any second. I can’t tell if he’s flirting or just so comfortable with me he doesn’t care! She wailed silently. She inhaled deeply as panic began to bubble up inside her. Calm down, Lucy. Just treat this like any other night with Gray. Yeah.

That was so goddamn hard to do with Gray looking like a bigger snack than the gingerbread house.

Lucy’s hand was trembling the entire time she piped the icing across the gingerbread. It didn’t help that Gray decided that the easiest way to put it together was for him to stand directly behind her and reach around her on either side to hold up the pieces while she generously applied frosting glue. Lucy knew for damn sure they looked like the intro to some cheap adult film, but what could she do? Gray was either completely ignorant of the implications or thoroughly enjoying playing her like a fiddle, but she didn’t know, because his face remained stoic the entire time, except for when he would smile and make some comment that had no suggestive undertones whatsoever. By the time she finished icing white tiles onto the finished roof, she was exhausted- and they still had a heck of a lot to do!

When it came time to apply the candies, Lucy was able to relax just a little bit, because it was actually kind of difficult. Sometimes the candies were a little heavy- especially the gum drops, those annoying squishy bastards- and would fall from their spot, requiring her to stop what she was doing and apply more icing to try and secure it. Little by little, they applied the rainbow of candies, and when they were finished, she stepped back to admire their handiwork while sweeping the back of her arm across her forehead with a tired “phew.”

It was actually pretty cute, now that she got a good look at it. They had a little gumdrop fence leading up to the front door, which had a window of glass-like candy and a little chocolate-chip doorknob. Gummy flowers decorated a small garden with a gardening gingerbread man (which she had iced herself and thought she had done damn well with all those little lines!). The roof tiles were made with the same glass-like candy as the windows, in a menagerie of colors to make an effect like stained glass. Finally, cotton candy puffed from a small chimney. Lucy could not help but beam broadly at their creation. She whirled around to throw her arms around Gray’s neck in a hug, forgetting the earlier sexual tension in her glee. “It’s wonderful! Thank you so much for this, Gray. I feel lots better!” Indeed, the cloudy gloom had finally subsided and she was her sunshiney self again. As she fell back onto the pads of her feet to look up at him, he smiled and swept a stray hand of hair from her face.

“No problem. I’m glad I get to see that smile of yours again.” Ba-bump! went her heart like a drum against her ribs. The tension didn’t take long to return. A blush dusted her cheeks like sparkling pink sprinkles that shifted further toward red with each second he spent staring thoughtfully down at her. Suddenly, he grabbed her lightly by the chin to turn her face to the side. “You’ve got frosting on your cheek,” he remarked with amusement. Oh my God, I really am in some cliché teenager’s fantasy, Lucy groaned inwardly but secretly relished it. She expected him to sweep his finger over it and pop it into his mouth and look hella fine while doing it, but instead he did something that no cheesy teenage novel could prepare her for: he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss into her cheek. Lucy’s breath rattled as she drew it in, chocolate-brown eyes going wide.

“Gray…” she whispered. The longing in her voice called him forth, peppering kisses over her skin before arriving to her lips. His mouth feathered lightly over hers for a moment as stormy gray eyes greeted her, silently asking permission. She indicated such with her eyes fluttering closed and leaning her body against him, hands pressed against his chest. Despite her knowing it was coming, it was still such an explosive feeling once his mouth melted over hers like chocolate over her lips, soft and warm and sweet with the faint hint of the frosting. She inched herself up onto her tip-toes as she leaned dramatically into the kiss, simply drunk on the sensation of his mouth moving rhythmically over her own. He reached up to clutch a fistful of her hair to very gently twist her head to deepen the kiss, and though she thought it not possible, she swooned even further. They kissed like that for several minutes, deeply, passionately, before he pulled back. Her eyes opened to see him smiling wryly down at her, and his fingers teased through her hair in loving caresses.

“You’re my sunshine, too, y’know,” he breathed in a low voice aching with honest, raw emotion. Lucy’s eyes scrunched up as she smiled so hard her face hurt, but she simply couldn’t help it; God, she loved him, she loved him for what he was doing to her and saying to her. She circled her arms around his neck and fondled the ends of his dark hair, her eyes never leaving his for a single millisecond. Still on her tip-toes and unsteady, his other hand gripped her hip to keep her stable. Tracing a finger across his sharp jawline, she smiled cutely at him.

“You’ve really got some smooth things to say, y’know? Do you know the things you do to a girl?” she asked teasingly. He snorted in laughter before bringing her into another soft, sweet kiss, and Lucy shined brighter than the burning sun to chase away the gray clouds and winter chill to make a little warm space just for herself and Gray to inhabit…

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to perusemy Tableof Contents!

#fairy tail #graylu #grayxlucy #gray x lucy #lucyxgray #lucy x gray #lucy heartfilia #gray fullbuster #romance #cutesy #fluff #fanfiction #fairy tail fanfiction #fanfic #fairy tail fanfic #fairy tail graylu

[timeagainreviews]

The Filler Fluff of the Cybermen

When is a two-parter not a two-parter? When the first part is tonight’s episode "Ascension of the Cybermen." As stories go, that was pretty damn sparse. I’ll be honest, friends, I don’t have a lot to say about tonight’s story. But that’s not why you come here, so I will try my damnedest to find something to talk about in this latest episode of Doctor Who. Right, now, how many words was that? Sixty-seven? Christ. This is going to be a slog.

I honestly shouldn’t be surprised. It had to happen. I was saying just last week that I hadn’t seen an episode I outright hated so far this series. We were due. That’s not to say I actually feel hate for this episode, more accurately, I feel very little about this episode. Usually, I endeavour to do more than simply trash an episode, but tonight, it’s either that, or I end the review here. So apologies ahead of time.

The episode opens on a Cyberman head floating in space with some knucklehead voiceover telling us about how the Cybermen have been mostly wiped out and what remains of humanity isn’t much better. The episode will now spend the next fifty minutes reiterating this point ad nausea. It was like a Star Wars title crawl, except in Star Wars, the crawl isn’t the plot of the movie you’re about to watch. Funnily, a lot of tonight’s episode reminded me of "The Last Jedi." Our heroes get split up. A slow chase ensues. No new information is gained. And it ends leaving us feeling like not a lot happened.

The Doctor and her companions come to a small human colony in the distant future. There are only seven of them left. The Doctor sets up a series of relays to help this ragtag bunch of humans kill off an oncoming Cyberman attack. Only thing is, they had never accounted for the Cybermen to first send out "Cyber Drones." Now, say you’ve got a room full of artists who love Doctor Who. And you tell them all to design drones that will be utilised by Cybermen. You can imagine they might have some rather impressive designs. Now, gather up all of those beautiful and creative drawings into your arms and throw them in the bin. Instead, we’re going to just use floating Cyberman heads. Was this because Chibnall is the kind of guy who thinks a dude with teeth pressed into his face is creepy or is this because reusing Cyberman heads is cheap? I’ll let you decide.

The Cyberheads and their eye lasers do quick work of the Doctor’s relays and sends everyone scattering to the wind. With three of the humans dead, Ryan, a young boy named Ethan, and the Doctor get left behind. Yaz and Graham, find themselves aboard a rickety gravraft with the remainder of the humans. With the TARDIS too far away, the Doctor decides they need to hijack a Cybership. I gotta give it to the Cybermen, they take better care of their ship than they do their own bodies. It’s almost as if there was no continuity in the design. Or maybe it’s like when you see someone whose life is a total mess but they have a dope car. I’ll let you decide.

After Ethan hotwires the Cybership, the Doctor pilots the ship to the most logical destination- her TARDIS. No, I’m just kidding, that would have made sense! Instead, she goes somewhere. I just double-checked with my boyfriend and we honestly couldn’t remember why anyone was doing anything at this point in the episode. After combing the episode I finally found a bit of throwaway dialogue where Ethan programmed the ship to go to a place called "Ko Sharmus." Meanwhile, the other group of protagonists are floating listlessly in space, making them the most relatable characters in this episode as that’s exactly how I felt.

By now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t gotten to the B-story happening in this episode. I guess here is as good a place as any, as it made just as much sense crammed anywhere in the episode it pleased. We see a young man and woman find a baby. This baby grows up to be their adopted son, Brendan. Brendan becomes a cop. Brendan gets shot and falls off a cliff. Brendan wakes up unscathed. Brendan’s dad looks at him like he’s creepy. Brendan grows old and retires. Brendan’s dad and boss, seemingly having not aged, wipe his memory. It makes as much sense as a wicker toilet and gives us no new information. At one point I thought he may have been Captain Jack’s kid, but then he grows old, so I don’t know what to think. What I do know is that you could have edited it down and made it into a far better cold opener than that Cyberhead floating in space shit.

The humans aboard the gravraft get stranded next to a giant Cyberman ship where a battle has gone down. Remnants of Cybermen ping the hull of their vessel like tiny asteroids. They get the bright idea to use the airlock to give the gravraft an extra thrust into the Cybership. I don’t know if it was intentional, but having Graham say "Don’t panic," right before they release the airlock was a nice little Douglas Adams reference. Or maybe it wasn’t at all, but I’ll take any joy from this episode I can get. Much like the idiotic hip bounce from "Can You Hear Me?" that knocked the sonic screwdriver up into the Doctor’s hands, the gravraft makes a million in one shot directly into the Cyberman ship’s docking bay. If they have that kind of luck sinking shots like that, they should really take their skills to the minigolf course.

The second I saw the ship, I knew that they were going to do the rows upon rows of sleeping Cybermen emerging from their tombs. It’s a Doctor Who trope as old as the Patrick Troughton era. My boyfriend was enjoying these bits as he is less familiar with the history of Doctor Who, so I let him have his fleeting enjoyment. I couldn’t even get jazzed about the new Cyberman design as they had already spoiled it with online photos. Basically, aside from the head-scratching B-story, the plot to tonight’s episode could be gathered by looking at promotional photos. There were new Cybermen. The Lone Cyberman was there. Nothing new to be learned here. Though, I will admit those new Cybermen are genuinely awesome.

The Doctor has a brief encounter with a hologram of the Lone Cyberman, or "Ashad." We learn that Ashad doesn’t just want to destroy all humans, he wants to destroy all life in the universe, for reasons. So I guess it wasn’t all a wash. Ashad heads to the Cybership where he begins waking up the Cybermen by what looks like torture. I have absolutely zero idea why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not at all made clear. Was he giving a titty twister so the Cybermen would accept him as their leader? Because after waking up the rest of them, they all seem to fall in line. Honestly, what the hell was he doing to that Cyberman? It makes no goddamn sense.

One thing I will say that made me happy was that one of my predictions from before episode one came true. They gave Graham a bit of a love interest. I called that shit. This possible love interest came in the form of Ravio, one of the human colonists. I found it rather amusing that in the future humans would still speak with British accents but have lost all context for Cockney rhyming slang. It was a cute bit of dialogue that falls apart if you think about it too much. The Cybermen force the humans into a corner to barricade themselves from the onslaught of Cybermen, and that’s where they’re left until next weekend.

Meanwhile, the Doctor arrives at Ko Sharmus which ends up being a person’s name as opposed to a planet. Chris Chibnall’s ability to name characters has not improved. Seriously, there are characters named Feekat and Yedlarmi in this episode. It hardly matters though as they’re all rather forgettable. I had to comb the episode and the internet just to figure out who was who. The Doctor never even introduces herself to Ethan. I had to figure his name out through one of the many throwaway lines of dialogue. That’s not to say that they don’t have real bits of character development. But you can take all of the character development in the world and wrap it around a hollow plot and it equals a lot of me not giving a shit.

Ko Sharmus was a welcome addition, simply because he was played by the charismatic Ian McElhinney. Turns out he’s a human colonist who stays behind in case any more humans might one day also come to this planet. There’s a sort of gateway or “boundary” out of the galaxy where many humans have gone to escape pursuit by Cyberman. Ko Sharmus’ job is to act as a guide to any possible newcomers also looking to reach said boundary. However, the Doctor quickly learns that the boundary is actually a gateway to Gallifrey. Only now it shows Gallifrey as the Master left it- in ruins.

Did I mention the Master? Well, here he is, making a "grand" entrance. The only thing at this point that was grand about the introduction of the Master to the story was that I was excited that something of substance was actually about to happen. Instead, this is our cliffhanger- this not at all surprising reveal that the Master is still alive. Of course, he is, he’s the Master. It’s a season finale with the Cybermen, of course, the Master is going to be there. It’s been that way for the past two Cyberman season finales. I guess the third time is a charm? What about any of this is supposed to be surprising? Remember how I said I was afraid they were becoming far too reliant on big reveals? This ending is the epitome of that. I think they expected to blow our minds by having the storyline they set up at the beginning of the series come into fruition. Try harder Chibs, this shit was weak.

The biggest shocker here is how little happened. What we were left with was akin to a classic filler episode where the Doctor gets captured. They padded out everything because they didn’t want next week’s episode to be ten minutes longer. Tonight’s episode exists purely because Chris Chibnall couldn’t edit down the script of a single episode into something shorter. This wouldn’t be so egregious if at least one storyline came to some sort of conclusion. If the B-story with Brendan had gone somewhere it might have made the entire episode feel somewhat worth the time and effort. Instead, we’re forced to watch a team of talented actors fill time.

I can’t help but feel like last week’s episode should have been this week’s episode with maybe a bit more setup for the finale. In place of this forgettable fluff, we could have gotten a single contained episode in its place. Something that had a beginning, middle, and end. Because of this, it’s almost as if we’ve been shorted an episode. Because of all of the wasted time in "Ascension of the Cybermen," I can only think of two outcomes for next week. One is an episode crammed so full of exposition that it will feel messy and disjointed. The other is an episode that is as equally underwhelming as tonight’s effort. Do you really mean to tell me they’re going to fit a Cyberman battle, Captain Jack, the Master, Gallifrey, the Timeless Child, and possibly Ruth into an episode and it not be a mess? It’s hard to have faith that there is a reason behind this much wasted screentime. I could use some of Graham’s optimism because at this moment it’s looking a bit hopeless.

#Doctor Who #ascension of the cybermen #Thirteenth Doctor #Jodie Whittaker #Graham O'Brien #Bradley Walsh #tosin cole #Ryan Sinclair #yaz #yasmine khan #mandip gill #bbc #tardis #sacha dawan #the master #gallifrey #cybermen #cyberman #the lone cyberman #Time and Time Again

[of-bug-and-beast]

Okay, before we go anywhere with this, I do not wish MatPat any actual harm. He may have annihilated the last of my brain cells with his most recent theory (as of 2:27 PM, 07/07/19, when I started writing), but I will not advocate actually hurting him for all that. His channel is run for fun, and dare I say, attention. And I can understand that to an extent.

But with that said, he pissed me off this close to my birthday and I am having none of that shit.

Second, I will be calling the player character (the Knight) Ghost, as this is how Hornet has named them, and it has more or less become their name at this point.

So, are we good? Then let’s get started with this.

There is no way Ghost is the Pale King’s reincarnation.

I will concede that, as @take-a-bug​ has brought up here, this would make an excellent AU. But as a theory, even by MatPat’s standards, it literally has more holes in it than a block of Swiss cheese.

First and foremost, Ghost is literally seen about five feet away from the Pale King himself in the flashback cutscene, as most of the comment section of the video has brought up.

If Ghost really was simply the reincarnation of the Pale King, there would have been no reason for them (who is clearly moving and doing things without him) to be in the same room as the clearly-living Pale King. Quite in fact, it solidifies that we were indeed a rejected vessel.

But let’s pretend this never happened, as MatPat clearly had. Surely the “theory” holds water now?

No. It sure doesn’t.

Let’s progress as he had.

Point #1: The Lore Tablets.

The tablets indeed refer to “Higher beings.” Now, the answer to what are the “higher beings” is a subject that, as far as I’m aware, has not actually been closed, especially with the Wanderer’s Journal that was published. But the one most seem to follow- including myself- is that the Higher Beings are the god-like beings of Hallownest, as this is supported by Team Cherry’s dev notes and AMAs[1] as well.

The Pale King is among the ranks of the Higher Beings, then. But how would Ghost be able to read these tablets, if they weren’t officially called such? Godseeker sure doesn’t recognize them as a god, at least not until they become the Shade Lord. This fact also makes the “theory” very suspicious; if they really were the Pale King’s reincarnation, where’s the godly aura? She should have recognized them as such.

Admittedly, her behavior as a whole kinda throws everything for a loop. But in the end, there’s still this.

Ghost, along with every other vessel to exist, is child of the White Lady and the Pale King. Or perhaps the term might be was, as they were kind of dumped into the Abyss, and the Void kinda seems to hate the Pale King’s guts and likely his kids too. But may they be a reanimated corpse filled with void or simply a product of not one, not two, but three incredibly powerful entities, the White Lady claims Ghost as her own spawn. This is directly stated with her stating that “Your companion's eyes burn with a familiar flame... Success then for the scarlet heart, and irony, to use my spawn to grow its own.”[2]

Likewise, Hornet- daughter of Herrah and the Pale King (the White Lady confirms this by bringing up how she was born of a dalliance between the two aforementioned parties)-  refers to the Hollow Knight as “Our birth-cursed sibling.”[3]

Not “my.” “Our.”

She is the vessels’ half sibling, sure, but this shows she recognizes them as the children of the Wyrm as well.

And being born of such powerful beings, it would be strange if they couldn’t read the text at all.

Now, the alternative possible meaning of “higher being” is those given mind by the Pale King, or similarly originated from Hallownest. Ellina from the Wanderer’s Journal book had shown no signs of being able to read the tablets in the Basin[1], which begins with the same phrase as those in the cliffs.

That in itself means nothing; after all, she is no god. But there is a lore tablet in the Howling Cliffs that rather supports this.

Higher beings, these words are for you alone.

These blasted plains stretch never-ending. There is no world beyond.

Those foolish enough to traverse this void must pay the toll and relinquish the precious mind this kingdom grants.[4]

It seems odd that the gods would so heavily rely on the narrow range of Hallownest, and since none (save for maybe Grimm, who has definitely not been here the entire time, judging from the looks of things but also has a very good knowledge of what has transpired) actually seem to have left, it seems near pointless to have the tablets.

However, we do know a bug that has left Hallownest, and came back with impaired memories besides Ghost themself: Quirrel. Now, perhaps it has to do with Monomon’s mask as well, but most likely being of Hallownest himself, he could have easily have been affected by the beyond. Those who were implied to have come from elsewhere (such as Tiso[5], Cornifer[6] and Iselda[7], Cloth[8], Ze’mer[9], and Zote[10]) have also shown no signs of memory loss despite having to have made the trek through the wastelands.

Now, Ghost has been out there, and apparently has memory loss, which does support that the wastelands do indeed strip the minds of some. Being born in Hallownest (or the Abyss, to be a little more specific), they would have been among those that would have a mind originating in the kingdom.

“But no mind to think!” you may cry, if you are one of the few people who actually think Ghost is a pure vessel. “They don’t have a mind!”

Au contraire. All the other vessels have shown to be imperfect, so they must have had at least one of the traits they were supposed to lack: will, voice, and mind. The Pure Vessel- later Hollow Knight- was tarnished by “an idea instilled”[11], which is likely tied to the cutscene at the end of the Path of Pain. But even then, the moment they had paused to glance back at Ghost, they were clearly impure; a creature without mind would have not hesitated to follow its master, yet they did. And they were judged the purer one between Ghost and themself.

In addition, if we take into consideration what we do in-game, they have made strategies to defeat enemies (or just rammed headfirst into fights until it finally worked out, which requires will and mind as well) and can choose to listen to what others say and retrain the information for their own use. They have a mind. They have a will. And what memory and knowledge they had was locked away, only able to be unlocked by some more forceful means.

So, conclusion to Point 1? Ghost can read the tablets not because they’re the Pale King, but because they are inherently tied to him and the kingdom. This can still be wrong, but it seems likelier than the suggested alternative.

Point #2: SOUL

While the Pale King has been suggested[12] to have a great ability of SOUL manipulation, it’s not far off to suggest that his kids might be able to do something similar. Hornet’s silk, as shown by the Silksong demo, seems to have a parallel to the SOUL meter back in Hollow Knight, mainly in part that it takes blows against enemies to fill it up.

But let’s ignore that for now, because there’s a more pressing thing at hand.

Guess where Ghost learned most of their spells from!

The snail shamans.

Hell, Ghost didn’t even know anything related to SOUL besides Focusing (healing), and it was only after meeting Mr. Snailman in the Ancestral Mound did they have any combative use for it. But even after getting all the spells (and out of these, Howling Wraiths, Shade Soul, and Descending Dark are likewise given by Snail Shamans, albeit dead ones), it doesn’t compare to what the Pure Vessel has.

Why do I bring them up? They were the one to be raised under the Pale King. SOUL manipulation seems a likely part of training. And between the “Focus” attack and the two “light lances” attacks, they do seem to have a firm grasp on SOUL. In fact, Ghost’s spells like quite untidy in comparison. But they weren’t the Pale King, either, and likely his abilities outshone their own. So, as the Pale King was likely a master with SOUL, why would he fall so low to be worse than his void child? Losing memory might at least leave him with something more than a rather sloppy heal.

So, as shaky as my arguments are here, it seems a little more plausible that Ghost just has the ability to manipulate SOUL because they are the Pale King’s child, and Hornet seems to support this as well, as mentioned before.

Point #3: Elegy for Hallownest and Ghost’s First Appearance

I’m not going to deny that the poem is directed to the Pale King. I mean, it clearly is.[13] But that being said, while MatPat’s logic seems at first glance slightly plausible, I remembered something that reftes this entirely. The first thing we see directly after the poem is actually the Hollow Knight in their prison, not Ghost.[14] Does this mean the Hollow Knight is the Pale King? No, it doesn’t, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise because the Pale King sure as hell locked up the kid with the Radiance in their head. It’d be kinda dumb to also be in the Hollow Knight beside his enemy, and as messed up as he was, the Pale King never struck me as that stupid.

As for the cutscene, I know this for a fact, because besides seeing the many videos of the game on YouTube, I’ve spent a lot of them playing this game, and I have seen a lot. The intro is no exception to this. So screw you and your misleading words.

Point #4: Usage of the Word “Dream” and “Ghost”

Surprisingly the most solid of his work, it’s a little harder to refute.

But this said, Elderbug may very well be meaning “dream” of grandeur, not the Radiance’s, or even the Pale King’s. His usage of the word “ghost” for the vessel is not unique either, as Ghost is given this moniker by Hornet as well[15]. Since her first pieces of dialogue in Greenpath, she refers them as “ghost” or “little ghost,” before eventually even calling them “Ghost of Hallownest.” While she gives no real explanation for the name, Ghost’s silence could easily be a main part in this.

Dreams and ghosts are also not always tied to the Radiance or the Pale King, either, as the Pale King’s palace is in the Dream realm (yet still away from the Radiance), and there are a lot of ghosts in Hallownest, if you know where to look.

So, do these words really have a deeper meaning? Not necessarily.

Point #5: Being Compared to the Pale King

Also a little hard to refute, but I’ll do my best.

The lines used to support this idea were “I almost feel like I'm once again in the presence of my beloved Wyrm,” from the White Lady and “Your noble bearing reminds me of our dear King,” from Ogrim, the Dung Defender (or White Defender, if you’re picky).

Let’s start with the first. Now in full, it actually goes “Ahh! So it bears our once-fractured soul, now complete. Such strength, such resolve, such dedication! Is it more than simply a Vessel? I almost feel like I'm once again in the presence of my beloved Wyrm.”[16]

She refers to the Kingsoul, the charm symbolizing the holy union of two higher beings[17], in this text first, before saying she almost feels like she’s in the presence of her husband. The Kingsoul would, by some degree of logic, have something that reminds the Queen of the Pale King, as half of the union was him. Besides that, Ghost has the Wyrm’s heritage, which could hypothetically amplify the effect.

But most important is still the Kingsoul. Half of it is based on the King, and that’s enough reason to remind the blind White Lady of the Pale King.

Quite in fact, she recognizes both Grimmchild and Carefree Melody to be linked to the Grimm Troupe (she tells them that “[… Ghost has] been consumed in the ritual of that scarlet clan.”[2]), so the actual presence of the primary higher being linked to the charm is unnecessary.

As for Ogrim, he says, “How funny that I see you in my dreams too, little one. Your noble bearing reminds me of our dear King. When he returns, I'll ask him if you can become a Knight! What jolly adventures we will have...”[18]

Noble bearing. Ghost literally could literally be holding themself up as if they were noble. In addition, Ogrim also recognizes Ghost as a vessel like the Hollow Knight, as he realizes that “...So there were others...” and even apologizes for the “cruel means” the Pale King used, despite his otherwise near-blind loyalty to the King.[19]

As for the Royal Retainers bowing to Ghost, there’s not much to say. While, yes, they do bow to you regardless of having the brand or not, it’s not far off to think they would have still bowed to the Hollow Knight back when it was a child, as it was the product of their beloved King. Ghost resembles the Hollow Knight, so it could easily be that. That said, since most would actually have the Brand by the time they go to the White Palace, it could also be a coding oversight. With the King’s Brand, Ghost is the King. This does not mean the Pale King, of course, but the King as in the ruler, as the brand has marked them as such.

And what does their Hunter’s Journal say about them, as MatPat so clearly points out? “The most loyal and devout servants of the King.”[20] Not even the Pale King, but simply the King. Doesn’t argue against the aforementioned points much, does it?

So, does it have to be that deep? No. Absolutely not.

Ghost’s heritage and the fact they hold the Kingsoul could essentially cover all the bases here.

Point #6: The Pale King Can Transform

This is a true fact. However, the most damning evidence here is that the King’s Brand in the Wyrm’s corpse seems to be on an egg, as Ellina states in the Journal.[21] This is likely the place the Pale King “hatched” from. Since we find no such egg near his corpse in the White Palace, it appears he’s pretty damn dead and isn’t coming back.

Bardoon may say that the death of a Wyrm may lead to “More transformation methinks,”[22] but that’s not quite solid enough to say that the Pale King had molted again. Bardoon also shows no signs of thinking of Ghost as a Wyrm, despite recognizing the Pale King and his brand being linked to such.

Point #7: Void

Let’s make this simple. The Void hates all forms of light, as seen by the lighthouse. The Pale King was using Void as well, and the Void hates his guts for that. To be reborn as a being primarily made of Void? He would probably self-destruct.

The Pale King also left the Kingdom in stasis, as Hornet states,[23] which could easily explain the “But yours is potential, eternity potential, force that could deny Time,“[4] quote.

MatPat also said he believed the egg near the throne room is where the Pale King hatched, and I think this has already been mentioned to likely be otherwise.[21]It’s more likely a failed attempt to hatching vessels in his little lab, as this resembles the egg Ghost had presumably hatched from.

Point #8: The Nursery Musicbox

This one’s also hard for me to explain, but it could also be MatPat made it illegal that leitmotifs are apparently not allowed to just be a callback.

I’m one to hate refuting a theory with another theory, but it has been suggested (and mentioned above) that the vessels may be the reanimated corpses of children of the Pale King and the White Lady. In this case, it would mean the children they had once been may have heard the song long ago, and the Shade remembers this past life.

Alternatively, the way Ghost and the Hollow Knight’s tales are entwined may also explain this, as it could have been the Hollow Knight’s room, once. But it’s shakier than the theory above.

Point #9: No Cost Too Great

This is the man who sacrificed millions, if not more, children just to contain a problem he caused. The cost was never directly tied to himself. Also, sure, maybe he’s redeemable somewhere, but I really cannot see him reincarnating into an even shorter entity.

And again, Ghost had hatched while the Pale King was still alive.[24] So. No.

Point #10: Ghost Can Wake Up Bugs from the Infection

I know we rouse Sly and Bretta from the infection’s clutches. But if we could really do this to any bug, why didn’t we do this with Myla? Or anyone else infected?

The first two seemed in a very early stage, maybe like sleepwalking at most. They could likely have been awaken by anyone else, had not the world been filled with infected individuals already.

Point #11: Monarch Wings

This is more my headcanon territory, but I would like to think that the Pale King could summon his own wings, and that set of wings? Might have been the Broken Vessel’s. Besides, we’re never given the opportunity to see if someone else can use the item.

Point #12: ...Father…?

Cut dialogue should always be taken with a grain of salt. That said, this could be a plea to their father, who Ghost does apparently remind some others of. Their mind has long since fell to the Radiance, so it’d be no surprise if they can’t distinguish the two. But this doesn’t mean Ghost is their father. The Hollow Knight was given a purpose by the Pale King, and they seemed to have loved him, and wanted to please him by being perfect, so to call out to their father in their weakest moment, wondering if he’s even out there…

Well, they were given the World Sense.[4] If they couldn’t find him that way, their resolve might have been shaken, but they’re still trying.

The rest of the cut Dream Nail dialogue[25] reads as if from the Radiance instead of the Hollow Knight, which leads to some interesting things. While “usurper” and “ancient enemy”[26] could hypothetically be linked to the Pale King, the Void is as much her enemy. Through Myla, she calls Ghost “the Empty One”[27] instead of “Wyrm” or some other term. She also states that “...THE LIGHT CANNOT BE CONSUMED...” The Pale King never consumed the Radiance and he is also of his own pale light.[28] But (while it can be held back by light) the Void wishes to snuff such radiance. In both the Dream No More and Embrace the Void endings, the Radiance is literally consumed by the Void. This makes it seem that in the end, she’s not talking to the threat of a Wyrm, but of simply a being of Void, no longer affiliated with Wyrm or Root.

Conclusion:

MatPat is a little shit that really should research more.

This is not to say I’m correct. Hell, I’d be glad if I’m even half correct. But when I can piece together an argument against that without too much issue, there’s something wrong here.

I need a source on this, but I remember seeing a post on Tumblr on how Hollow Knight is a game of acceptance, of who you were, of your past, and ultimately, your fate. It’s not about redemption.

It’s just achieving peace with your regrets and moving on, stronger.

Or at least, that’s how I’ve seen it.

I don’t see myself as right, but at least, I think I wrote something vaguely more solid, and found evidence to back it up. If nothing else, it was an excellent writing exercise. And for that I am thankful for the video.

I hope this was an enjoyable read for you, and I thank you for persisting this long.

SOURCES

1: https://youtu.be/dofQaoqecDk?t=920 – Mossbag brings this up. I do not own the book, nor have dived that far into either code or reddit.

2: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#The%20Grimm%20Troupe – source of quote.

3: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#Black%20Egg%20Temple – source of quote.

4: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Lore_Tablets_of_Hallownest – source of quote.

5: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Tiso#Dirtmouth – while I have seen all his dialogue, the fact remains he never outright says that he is from beyond. However, his line of “Hallownest... What challengers await in its ruin?” does seem to imply such.

6: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Cornifer#General – the fact he has only recently moved to Dirtmouth and expresses such wonder about Hallownest gives the impression he is from beyond the kingdom.

7: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Iselda#Additional%20dialogue – Iselda likewise supports this with her statement of “Of all the places to end up, we've picked this dreary town. I'd thought it a temporary stop, then my husband became obsessed with that old ruin.”

8: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Cloth#Ancient%20Basin – though vaguest of the list, her use of “this kingdom’s beasts” does imply she’s seen some others.

9: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#Delicate%20Flower – while she herself never said such, the White Lady says, “Not of me that flower, nor of this kingdom. Far it travelled to reach this place, brought by one beloved, fair knight of lands serene.” The Grey Mourner, presumed to be Ze’mer, was the one to give you the flower, and refers the blossoms as hers, with her words of “Che's sacred, precious, one of its kind flower,” at the quest’s fail.

10: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Zote#Colosseum – while the article likewise states he’s from beyond, he does outright say he came to this kingdom. Hard to come into a place you’re already in.

11: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#General – source of quote.

12: I have no memory of a source, but the entire fandom seems to have taken it as at least a headcanon, and it’s bound to have reasoning somewhere.

13: To those who may not remember the poem, it goes as follows:

In wilds beyond they speak your name with reverence and regret,

For none could tame our savage souls yet you the challenge met,

Under palest watch, you taught, we changed, base instincts were redeemed,

A world you gave to bug and beast as they had never dreamed.

- From 'Elegy for Hallownest' by Monomon the Teacher

14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y6DKBqXlmU – intro footage; self-explanatory.

15: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#Greenpath – the page also has all her other dialogue pieces, but this is the first of her many uses of the name.

16: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Lady#Reacting%20to%20Charms – source of quote

17: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Kingsoul – has charm description.

18: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/White_Defender#Defeats – source of quote.

19: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Dung_Defender#After%20the%20fight – source of quote.

20: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Royal_Retainer – source of quote.

21: https://youtu.be/dofQaoqecDk?t=735 – Mossbag brings it up; again, I do not own the book.

22: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Bardoon#General – source of quote.

23: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Hornet#The%20Abyss – Hornet says, “A difficult journey you would face, but a choice it can create. Prolong our world's stasis or face the heart of its infection,” as seen here.

24: https://youtu.be/kOHdVy1BFNE?t=295 – Birthplace cutscene.

25: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Hollow_Knight – the cut dialogue is in trivia.

26: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Radiance – the Radiance’s own dream nail dialogue is found here.

27: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/Myla – Myla’s dream nail dialogue is found here.

28: https://hollowknight.fandom.com/wiki/The_Last_Stag#Additional%20dialogue – while I do not actually remember who said “pale light” (I do remember hearing it), the Old Stag also called the Pale King “bright and radiant in visage.” So it works.

#hollow knight #The Not-Quite-Fluffy Queen (OOC / Mun) #//i said i'll write a paper and there you go #//six hours of screaming #//and almost 4k words including sources #//i'm going to die #//also i am a more casual completionist so while I have indeed radianted Markoth I am no lorekeeper. #//so bear with me #//i am big dumb. #//but this is my best effort!! #//no beta we die like men

[andthentimestops]

Steal My Heart And Soul (pt 2) [Dad!Connor X Mom!Reader]

A/N: I’m finally back!! :D — Tags: @qtmeryr @heartsarecompatible @connorshero @ev3e @liveloveandbekind @sternenreigen @valeriedark10 @deathbyhollywood @dbhconkarmar @kotonei-molyneux @corbynscabbitch @pancakejournal @imaginovator @dragonqueendany @heartos @nikkidawnlight @deviantsupporter — Babies were... pretty dumb, as both you and Connor had come to learn in the past few months in which your children were introduced to the world.

They were small, fragile and had no sense of self-preservation. They were curious to a fault; curious about what everything tasted like; curious about what would happen if they peed while their diapers were being changed etc. They were loud and noisy whenever they got upset they wouldn’t stop crying until either you or your husband coddled them or gave them whatever they made grabby hands at.

But they were also sweet and beautiful. They looked at everything with shining eyes, as if the world was perfect. They smiled whenever you smiled and laughed when you laughed. They loved falling asleep on top of their father and adored the way you played peek-a-boo before bedtime.

Briar and Cole were like any other babies, dependent and fragile and insufferable when they cried in the dead of night but they were beautiful in every sense of the word and you loved them, as did Connor.

Thus, when both your maternity leaves were over, Connor found himself unable to stop thinking of them and you as he sat at his desk, unknowingly staring blankly at Hank dead in the eye. The android sighed while he checked the time.

Connor sighed again.

2 more hours until he could visit the three of you at your workplace.

He wondered idly how you were doing with Briar and Cole at the bakery. Connor imagined them covered in patches of flour while they wreaked havoc in the small establishment and a smile spread across his face as his heart swelled with affection, completely unaware of his partner’s concerned stare.

“You alright, Connor?” Hank asked from across their desks.

The android blinked rapidly as he straightened up, his hands instinctively reaching up to tug at his tie while his eyes met Hank’s.

“Yes, I’m alright, Lieutenant,” Connor replied swiftly and calmly though his LED shone a bright yellow, indicating otherwise. But even if the light didn’t exist, Hank knew his partner well enough to be able to tell what he was feeling.

“Homesick?” The older man asked with a smirk, his voice only slightly teasing. He knew what it felt like having a family waiting for him, it was a bittersweet sensation, a kind of yearning that tugged harshly at his heart; it was a feeling he wanted very desperately to experience again.

“I suppose you could call it that,” Connor replied, his eyes trailing down to look at his hands as he began to mindlessly flip through a file, trying to force his mind to concentrate on the information before him. He found it astounding how task-minded he used to be in the past; before you swooped in and stole his heart and soul.

How the hell did he manage to think about nothing but his work? How boring had he been when he was still a machine designed to do nothing but solve cases? How the fuck did you become interested in what must have definitely been the most boring individual alive?

Slowly, his mind wandered off as he fondly recalled the day you first asked him to go on a date with you.

It was soon after you’d witnessed him march out of CyberLife Tower with an army of deviants behind him on TV. Within the chaos of everything, you’d opted to hide at home until the streets became safer; with nothing to do, you spent most of your time watching the news in order to keep yourself updated on whatever the hell was going on.

Once it was declared that laws to ensure android laws were to be put in place, people began returning to Detroit and soon everyone resumed their everyday lives. Slowly but surely, things were getting better.

Connor could remember seeing you enter the precinct looking nervous and tense. His assumption that you were there to deliver some baked goods to his colleagues was proven wrong when he noticed that you were empty-handed. The android recalled feeling a sense of dread wash over him when he came to his final and most logical conclusion:

You were there to report a crime.

His eyes instantly scanned your vitals once, then twice. He left no stone unturned as he looked for any bruises, tears, cuts or signs of psychological damage; but before he could finish his analysis, you’d approached him. You glanced up at his face, your own was stricken with worry.

“What’s wrong—“

“Will you go out with me?”

Both of you stared at one another, frozen, as he processed what you’d just said. Connor could practically hear his mind whirling as thoughts raced through his central processing unit.

You wanted him to… go out with you? What did that mean, exactly? Did you simply want someone to accompany you somewhere? Or did you mean your question in the romantic sense? That you wanted to go on a date with him? But why would you want that? Didn’t most humans feel disgusted at the idea of being in a relationship with an android? Why him, too? What made him worthy of your—

“Y’know what?” You quickly blurted out, your cheeks now burning with embarrassment. You took a few steps back. “It’s okay,” you said, “you don’t have to… I was just… I kinda like you… so…” You tore your eyes away from his. Connor felt a strange sensation in his chest when he realised you were tearing up. “I’m just gonna… go.”

Before he could reach out to grab your arm, you quickly walked away. The commotion had garnered some attention now from his colleagues who watched as you sped off, your head ducked so that they had a hard time seeing your face.

“Wait, (Y/N)!” Connor called out, his thirium pump regulator had begun to function irregularly; it thudded within the confines of his chest in a way that could almost be described as painful. You stopped walking but didn’t turn around. “I… I will go out with you!” He cried out.

A chorus of gasps and incredulous “huh?”s rang throughout the room as all eyes fell on the both of you.

Your body started to shake as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

Connor felt his heart drop as his stress levels shot up to an incredible height; and before he knew it, he’d ran towards you. He grabbed your shoulders gently to turn you around while he mentally prepared himself to see your tear stricken face… but alas, you were laughing.

The android stared at you, worried and confused as you snorted wildly. The sound of your laughter made him feel… happy.

“That was really cheesy,” you said breathlessly, “it’s like we’re the main characters of a cheesy romcom.”

Connor remained silent, his mouth now slightly agape as he processed your words and his emotions. On one hand, he was extremely relieved that you weren’t upset at him but on the other, he was confused at what you meant.

“(Y/N)…”

“Yes?”

“What’s a… romcom?”

A warm hand touching his shoulder snapped Connor out of his reverie. He didn’t even need to look to know who it was: Hank. The latter sighed lightly as he leaned against his android partner’s desk and crossed his arms.

“Lunch break just started, you can go visit them now,” Hank said with a nod of his head towards the entrance of the building.

“How did you know—“

“It’s written all over your face,” the man chuckled, “go on, get outta here, you’re wasting precious seconds.”

Connor made it to the bakery in under a minute. And all the while, he wondered something he never really stopped to think about before:

Why did you ask him out in the first place?

He loved that you did and he loved you but still if he was being honest with himself, your request came out of almost nowhere. Sure, you two had been friends for a while and he’d grown quite fond of you and you he but it still didn’t really explain your sudden confession, did it?

As Connor approached the entrance of the bakery, he pushed the question to the back of his head, the thought of seeing his loved ones again outshone everything else in his mind. He straightened his tie and combed his slender fingers through his now unruly hair before he pushed open the door.

#dbh #detroit become human #imagines #connor #connor x reader #rk800

[voidequine]

Of News and Distress

Discord Therad with @dilldaydreamer  In which Horuss gets some distressing news and things progress.

PI Today at 7:32 AM

You sit at your desk, chair and tea ready. This is never an easy subject to broach, much less with one of your own officers. And doubly so considering his relationship status.

But...he is also at the time one of your most reliable and...no pun intended...stable leads.

Leaning back, you sigh and stare at the ceiling. Half this day had been running around, talking to people, perhaps making a few semi unscrupulous deals with some other people...but you're starting to get some idea. With the help of Skylla you expect...well perhaps best not to get your hopes up too much.

One thing at a time.

So for now you just busy yourself with paperwork Officer Zahhak arrives.

Horuss Today at 7:46 AM

You yourself need to take a marement to steady the uneven rhythm of your chest before you make your hay to the Inspector's office.

You are worried. Anxious. Expecting the worse.

But there is neigh use in panic or allowing your emotions to run rampant. So you simply... disregard them for the time. Push them down into that void you hoof nestled deep in your chest and proceed.

You knock at the door within minutes, long purposefoally even steps hoofing carried you there swiftly, and await invitation inside.

You are fine. Deep breaths. Calm. Even. Undisturbed. You are fine.

PI Today at 7:55 AM

"Come in." you say in response to the knock. Alright. Here we go.

You adjust the paperwork on your desk and take on a posture of calmness. The last thing you want is to give an impression you are upset or they are somehow in trouble. Also, you have noticed your indigo officers are a wee bit skittish at times. And by at times, most all of the times.

"Thank you for coming so quickly. There have been some developments on the Missing Person's case that I wanted to discuss with you personally." you say gently. While impersonal sounding, chances are mentioning things as developments and Missing Person would be more likely to imply that the person was still missing and progress was being made.

At least you hope. With a gesture to the chair, you wordlessly ask him to be seated.

Horuss Today at 8:01 AM

You step inside and keep yourself silent, you are fine, you are composed you are –

Developments.

Neigh there are many things developments could mean there was neigh need to jump to the worst case scenarios, none at all. Developments could mean a lead, a witness a chance he was still alive and you were neigh deluding yourself into hoping for a lie. Developments were good.

You unfreeze yourself enough from where you had halted to take the seat offered to you, focusing on the Inspector with intent eyes hidden beneath tinted lenses. "What kind of developments?"

You are focused and present, a good officer, a good indigo.

PI Today at 8:30 AM

As he sits, you rise to your own feet as you take on a more serious and professional tone. "Before I start, I need to state that what we're about to discuss is not to leave this room unless Redglare or myself give the order."

A necessary precaution, though likely not something to help with your officer's nerves admittedly so you turn to avoid direct eye contact.

"There was a recent investigation of a young troll lady who had been murdered. Purple blooded, from the Mirthful church. Not the most pleasant of deaths, physically bludgeoned with a bat or some blunt object. From the scene it seems like there was two others present besides the victim. One who was involved in the skirmish and one who stood by and walked off with the attacker afterwards."

You take a moment to give him time to process this information as you picked up a folder off your desk.

Horuss Today at 8:40 AM

"Of horse neigh," confidentially, keeping information close until such a time that those that need to be made amare are done so. You understand that completely.

The rest of what the Inspector tells you though, oh deer. Oh deer oh neigh, please neigh this. You can neigh...

Neigh, neigh you need to breath, in and out keep breathing, there is neigh need to panic. Panicking is bad form and you are marely jumping to conclusions again and that is neigh something you should be doing, neigh something you should be doing at all but...

But you really do neigh like the sound of where this going. Neigh at all. Just breath, breath Horuss everything is going to be ok.

"That is... I do neigh..." come now you know how to make sentences from words, you do, you even know how to hoof them make coherent sense. Do better. "You believe this has something to do with Gamzee." You had meant that to be a question but your voice is refusing to make those inflections for you, leaving it a stiff statement.

PI Today at 8:48 AM

You drop your professional demeanor for one more sympathetic as you sit on the edge of your desk with folder in hand. More than an officer, everything has given you the impression that this troll before you is a good sort...and it is much like having to tell anyone that their loved one may be in danger or charged with something...it is a very delicate subject.

At his statement not quite question, you frown with a slight nod. "The victim did not go down without a fight. There was a fair amount of blood at the scene. Her's and anothers...also purple. We also were able to find a coat at the scene...which is why I wanted to talk with you...."

From the folder you pull out some photographs.

"...if you feel able I can take you to where it is actually being held...but I also realize this may be incredibly distressing." you say as you set the photos face down in front of him, allowing him to pick them up when ready. "The blood in the fabric matches with the blood under the victims nails..and between the threads of fabric and the cuts in the coat...there is little reason to doubt whoever she was fighting was wearing the coat at the time of the incursion."

You frown.

"Based on the embroidery...there is a suspicion. And I am sorry to say that the reason I called you in was as Gamzee's morail, you would be the most qualified to identify the garment."

Horuss Today at 8:52 AM

...

Neigh...

Neigh neigh no no no nonono

Your fingers shake, you do not want them too, but they do.

You can neigh make yourself look anywhere but at the photos. Because then you will break and you need...

You need not to right now. You can not break now. You can not. You will not.

But you are. You can feel it.

"That is - " you voice breaks, fragile confused, overwhelmed, words close to descending into little more than noises of distress.

Take a breath Horuss, pull yourself back together.

"His yes..." you would recognize it anywhere, you hoof seen it enough for that. You... you do not want to see it in it's physical state, you can not do that.

"I do not -" throat closing on a choked click. No you need to focus and continue, there is no place for anything else right now. "I can not... believe he would act in any way against... not the Church..." Gamzee may have many conflicting feelings regarding the Church but he would not have done anything to risk being cast out or unwanted by them.

You know that. You do.

Or do you? You do not know right now. It is all awful and confusing in your head.

PI Today at 9:14 AM

You feel your heart break a little. It isn't the first time you've had to do this kind of discussion with someone. And not even the first officer. But..it is on that list of things that never get easier.

"Deep breaths Horuss....inhale.......exhale..." you say, prioritizing calming him first and foremmost. "Just focus on counting to five as you breathe...and another five as you breath out. Focus on the numbers." As you say this, you pour some water for him just in case. After a moment, you crouch so you are more eye-level.

"I won't deny things don't look ideal...but. Nothing is confirmed and there is a lot that could still be. None of us have any plans to jump to conclusions, we fully intend to sort this out with a fine tooth combed. Which is also the reason for confidentiality. There is a lot at risk, especially when it comes to the Church matters." You turn, to give him as comforting a smile as you can. "We're here for you as well. And equally important is making sure you're alright in this time."

Horuss Today at 9:22 AM

Yes. Breath. Focus. You can do that at least. one, two, three, four, five

It is very, very hard but you manage. one, two

It is hard to hear the Inspector through the fuzz in your own head. five, one, two But you manage. four, five

Yes, yes this should not, oh the Baron can not know. He will go after Gamzee himself and then one two three four, five, one, two, three, four, five you can not bare to think of that right now, focus on the numbers instead just like the Inspector said. Orders, orders are good.

one, two "I think," four, five "I am not alright." two, three, four

PI Today at 9:30 AM

"Understood. Keep with the steady breaths...one two...three..." you count with him as you try to slow the numbers down lest he start counting too fast.

"You may be having an anxiety attack. That is normal, it is alright. Your body is reacting to a percieved threat...but you are in control. One....two...three....four... it is going to pass. Just steady...steady breaths Horuss...Focus on the counting..."

You crouch so that you're a bit below eye level, far less imposing...though not as if you had much an imposing figure to begin with. Though you take caution to not touch him as you don't want to risk startling him.

Horuss Today at 9:40 AM

It takes... far more time than it should. You should be better about controlling yourself you are not some wriggler that - no... no that is just an Alternian mindset and not a very good one. Just like the Inspector said this is normal, this is fine, you are fine, you are behaving in a perfectly logical manner at the current point.

Well, a manner that is a perfectly logical reaction after weeks, months of stress and over-working yourself in the vain attempt to neigh descend into panic without your main support structure. This is terrible. You hate this.

You just... want things to be ok again.

You drop your head into your palms once the worst of the tightness in your chest has passed, you taste iron on your tongue. "I am sorry," still shaky but better. "I did not mean to... my sincerest apologies." You want to escape, get your hands on something, break or build, a distraction please.

But you need to be present here now. "Do you believe... he can be located from this?" You will worry about the dead or alive part at a different point in time, namely after he has been found.

PI Today at 9:54 AM

"I understand. It is a lot to take in and you did not do anything wrong. You have been under a fair bit of stress and your body needed a moment to release that tension." A truth, and goodness knows you have had your fair share of mental shake-ups or breakdowns.

At his question, you reach over to pick up the cup of water as an offering to hiim as you speak. "I do. In fact that is the primary reason for the need for secrecy. We have a very strong set of leads and as long as things remain un-entangled I expect we are very close." In that you have a neighborhood that you are fairly certain is the area based on tips and sources. Just a matter of figuring out where.

"Is there anything I can do to help you right now?"

Horuss Today at 10:01 AM

You take the glass, more to have something to hold than because you want to drink. Because you do not right now, but the cool feeling of the glass is nice.

Even more so accompanied by his words. "Good." You will take that, you will, you have had so little to go on to keep hope in that that is... more than enough. It is everything.

"I do not," you stop yourself from saying you do not need anything, because that would not only be a lie but a very poor one considering what just occurred. "I think... is there anything that needs attending to? Something so I can..." not think, not feel, just focus on the task at hand.

PI Today at 10:14 AM

The wheels in your head turn as you nod. "I do, in fact I actually had a task I was hoping to ask of you later on...but there is no pressure to complete if at any point you feel yourself unable to." Getting back up on your feet, you wander over to one of your filing cabinets...sifting through a drawer until you pull out a fairly hefty folder. "I had been wanting to restructure and organize Storage Room D for a while...but between the cataloguing, moving items to their new respective rooms, and dismantling...and remantling various shelving units...it's been low on the priority list. Especially with all that has been happening. "

Walking back, you set the folder down. "If you feel up for a bunch of drudgery and cobweb combat, you are welcome to take the lead on this task." You refrain from adding any comments that would imply himself unsuitable or unable to handle the task....it would likely feel insulting and the last thing anyone wants to hear is something tha tmay make them feel like others think them weak. And goodness knows you can empathize with the desire to lose oneself in a task.

Horuss Today at 10:23 AM

Yes. Good. This is exactly what you want right now. Distraction, menial in it's simplicity.

"Yes, thank you. I will get started immediately." You reach and pick up the folder, handling it much easier than the Inspector had. This is yours now, your task, yours to focus on and lose yourself in. It is good.

"Do you... require anything else from me?" Are you allowed to escape now?

PI Today at 10:31 AM

"That is all. You are dismissed." comes the response. Not meant to sound so impersonal, but you can't help but feel like he'd like to be anywhere but here and now...and you don't have it in you to dawdle on any further questions or lines of thought.

Especially considering how much the current information has unsettled him. No, you can always ask if he has any hair samples or things for forensics to compare to the blood later if need be. Right now, him being able to process and recover is more important...and if all goes well you may not even need to ask something like that anyways.

"I'll stop in later to check on your progress and to see if you require any tools or assistance, but I'll let you get to task. Good luck."

Horuss Today at 10:38 AM

You are standing the moment he says you can and almost out the door before you remember yourself. You turn to the Inspector and drop your head in a very stiff, jerky nod, "thank you Inspector."

Do you mean for the task or for the little bit of hope that your diamond is still alive somewhere? You are, unsure. You are thankful regardless.

Now time to continue your escape to the store room in question. You will be unlikely to emerge for a long while of your own volition, you have something to focus on now. You will be fine.

PI Today at 10:43 AM

You watch him go and a worried frown finally reveals itself. Not an enviable situation in the least. And as much as you hate to do it, you mentally set aside the note to keep a watch out on him. For his own health but also that unfortunate knowledge of how things can get more prickly when matters of the heart are concerned. Learning one's moirail is going from missing to possible murder suspect is...not really ideal for anyone.

Sitting back at your desk you think a few before opening up your phone.

#Missing (Story) #RP Log #Discord RP #dilldaydreamer #// the gamzee plot progresses and i hurt my horse #// is a good day

[ardenttheories]

what classes and/or aspects do you think fall under the INTP type?

INTPs are brainiacs. There’s no two ways about it; they are prideful of their intellect, and tend to be involved in the sciences due to their creativeness.  

They are some of the best theorises our planet has, their unrelenting logic ensuring that for just about everything you could think of, they’ve got a way to explain it. They are quick to tell when someone is lying, since they tend to focus on patterns to such a degree that they’ll be able to tell when a statement doesn’t make sense. When it comes to themselves, however, you have to be careful about what they say; they use other people as sounding boards for things they’re trying to work out, theories that are only half developed, so assuming that they know exactly what they’re saying 100% of the time may not be entirely true. 

They tend to be less interested in the running of day to day things, and most of their energy goes into the fields that they enjoy most - the things that stimulate them on an intellectual level. It is in this way that they tend to make unique solutions to problems, as they pretty much obsess over something and throw ideas at it until something sticks.

They tend to live their lives in their own minds, and thus can seem as detached from the world around them, lost in thought as they are. Once you get to know them, however, you see their passion as well as their relatively relaxed personality shine through. This relaxed personality can change quickly if they think something they’ve create - especially a theory - is being criticised, as they tend to become combative. 

Trying to understand what they’re saying can be… hard, since their thoughts come out all in one rush when they explain it. Something that is completely logical to them may make no sense to you simply because the effort it takes to spell out every tiny thing they thought to create it is too much. 

They tend to dislike emotions, at least in a logical sense. They’re not the most helpful of tools when it comes to theorising, after all, and they tend to have little tolerance for anything that can get in the way of their thought process. This can mean that, while they’re great at coming up with ways to resolve an emotional issue, they likely won’t understand the emotional issue at all.

The biggest drawback for the personality type is fear of failure. They obsessively go over the things they’ve thought of, reassessing the situation and their processes and the things they know, in the worry that they’re missing something crucial. They tend to obsess to a point that they stagnate, never actually using their logic and reasoning to a suitable degree because they’re so lost in thought and worry of what they might have done wrong.

So if you’ve read anything about the Mind aspect, this should strike down hard as what Mind is as a whole. Everything from the logical deductions to the struggles with emotions is a purely Mind experience. 

There’s also an argument for Space to be a partial aspect for this personality type, too, because of the creativity and the way they thrust themselves into the sciences. Not only are they thinking, they’re also making, applying what they know in a creative way - and that’s what Space is all about!

I would say for classes there’s a case for Mages as well as Knights. It seems that a lot of this personality type is experiencing everything you possibly can and creating something unique out of it; it’s the sort of thing a Mage would do on the daily. Dive into something, try to piece it together, realise that doesn’t work and try something else instead. 

As for Knights, that entire last paragraph is a Knight explanation. Someone who thinks they’re not as good as they are and obsess over that because of a fear of failure? It doesn’t even need explaining, really. I was a little surprised by how well that came across, honestly! 

So, in conclusion? Mind, Space, Mage, and Knight all fall under the INTP personality type!

#ardenttheories #anonymous #classpect analysis

[muddyhippy]

Night Terrors, Chapter 5: Check-ins and Check-ups

A Lily Of-Many-Names Mechanisms Story

(reposting because Tumblr refused to have this pop up in the mechanisms tag before!)

Summary

Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

Featuring;  Some science officer observations, discussions of nightmares, lots of comfort, medical practice, some past Jonny whump, and some soft mechs at the end!

On AO3 here

Check-ins and Check-ups

 There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

Ah.

Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

“Jonny not in his room?”

Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

“You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raphaella.

“It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

“Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

“Quite.”

“I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

“I see.” Raphaella frowned.

Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

“Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

“Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence?  

“It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

“An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

“We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

“Promise?”

Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

“On my honour as a scientist.”

Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

“Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

Maybe a hint.

He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

 Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

Still, it felt, well, nice to see her improving.

The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

 She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

 He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

 Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term.  Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

 It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

 She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

 Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a mortal bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with his family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

He didn’t have to like it though.

Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop.  She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

 Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

 “Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

 Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

 “But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

 The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

 He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from anything.

“How do you know?”

Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘It’s what comes after’ remained unsaid.

“Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

“You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it.  

Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

“Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

“That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

He swallowed. “Sure.”

Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

Jonny gave her the tiniest nod.

This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she could but she wasn’t armed right now and she liked his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

 He wasn’t strapped to a table.

 He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

 He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It was fine.

 The disc made contact.

 It took everything in him not to bolt.

 “Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

 Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

 “I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

 Fucking Hell. That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

 Lily was.

 This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

 It took two tries to speak.

 “T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

 “I am?”

 “Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

 Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

 Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

 Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

 “It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

 She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his spicesmokewhiskey.

 It was okay.

 She was safe.

 They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

 All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

 “There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

 Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it would hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt them when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

 She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

 “It didn’t hurt!”

 Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

 “You did!” Lily beamed wider.

 “Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

 Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

 Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

 With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

 “Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

 Lily did the best she could.

 After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

 Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

 She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

 The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

 “Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

 “Really?” Lily perked up even more.

 “Oh yes.”

 “What?”

 “I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

 The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

 Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

 Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

 She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

 Jonny still endured it for her sake.

 Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

 The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

 It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

 Most notably of course was Jonny.

 His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, centred, for lack of a better word.

 Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

 Think of the devil…

 Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

 She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

 The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

 “Come in Jonny.”

 The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

 The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

 She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

 As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

 Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

 Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

 “Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

 “Well congratulations.”

 “She been here long?”

 “Only half an hour or so.”

 “Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

 “How did you lose her this time?”

 “I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

 “And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

 “Because I wasn’t!”

 “Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

 The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

 “Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

 “A secret something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

 “You won’t find it.”

 “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

 Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

 “No.”

 ‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

 “Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

 “Fuck off Raph.”

 “I could just wake her.”

 “I could just shoot you.”

 “You know you won’t.”

 The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

 “Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game.  

 “What was it about this time?”

 “Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

 “Oh, standard then. Good.”

 “Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

 Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

 He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

 So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

 Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

 The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

 It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

 “Jonny?”

 He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

 He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

 “Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what I,” she corrected, “do here?”

 That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for reassurance, reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

 He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

 He couldn’t do it.

 If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

 He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

 “No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

 Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

 “Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

 Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

 That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

 “What do we do when that ends?”

 “We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

 Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

 So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

 Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

 “Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

 Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

 “It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

 Jonny began to open his mouth.

 “You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

 Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was her saying it.

 Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

 Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

 She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

 She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

 He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

 He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

 They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

 Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

 Otherwise, what even was the point?

 Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

 Raphaella found that only pleased her more.

#the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #raphaella la cognizi #Lily Of-Many-Names #the mechanisms fanfic #This is deliberate soft!mechs content and I do not apologise #Lily is an original OC child character who was accidentally rescued by the mechs #She's a creation by the Hello Ladies tumblr group chat #And she lives with these space pirates now and makes them have emotions #Jonny is basically a Dad now #And Raphaella has become Mum #Again I make no apologises #fluff #angst #nightmares #more fluff #soft!mechs

[salty-medley]

After all that time wondering what those strange 5 letters personality things meaned...

EDIT :  I didn’t know this thing could have so much reactions ( don’t laugh, you tumblr celebrity who have 13258 comments at each post, 1 comment is a lot for me ! ) and be se more seriously than the random personality test you could find in any feminine magazine. So to be clear : NO I don’t take any test seriously, as I said in the comments if it fits it’s cool, if not well... It’s ok too. But that post revealed something I already know : lot of people took everything too seriously. All the things which are in bold are true for me. Coincidence ? Maybe. But seriously who cares ? And it taught me something: if you want to have comments, just put “ #16 personalities” in the tags, it worked well today.

I jumped on it instead of working. Jk it’s my break time.

So apparently I’m a INTP - T , or a “Logician“, an analyst .

“  LOGICIAN PERSONALITY (INTP, -A/-T)Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.The Logician personality type is fairly rare, making up only three percent of the population, which is definitely a good thing for them, as there’s nothing they’d be more unhappy about than being “common”. Logicians pride themselves on their inventiveness and creativity, their unique perspective and vigorous intellect. Usually known as the philosopher, the architect, or the dreamy professor, Logicians have been responsible for many scientific discoveries throughout history.Logicians are known for their brilliant theories and unrelenting logic – in fact, they are considered the most logically precise of all the personality types.They love patterns, and spotting discrepancies between statements could almost be described as a hobby, making it a bad idea to lie to a Logician. This makes it ironic that Logicians’ word should always be taken with a grain of salt – it’s not that they are dishonest, but people with the Logician personality type tend to share thoughts that are not fully developed, using others as a sounding board for ideas and theories in a debate against themselves rather than as actual conversation partners.This may make them appear unreliable, but in reality no one is more enthusiastic and capable of spotting a problem, drilling through the endless factors and details that encompass the issue and developing a unique and viable solution than Logicians – just don’t expect punctual progress reports. People who share the Logician personality type aren’t interested in practical, day-to-day activities and maintenance, but when they find an environment where their creative genius and potential can be expressed, there is no limit to the time and energy Logicians will expend in developing an insightful and unbiased solution.Wisdom Begins in Wonder They may appear to drift about in an unending daydream, but Logicians’ thought process is unceasing, and their minds buzz with ideas from the moment they wake up. This constant thinking can have the effect of making them look pensive and detached, as they are often conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads, but really Logicians are quite relaxed and friendly when they are with people they know, or who share their interests. However, this can be replaced by overwhelming shyness when Logician personalities are among unfamiliar faces, and friendly banter can quickly become combative if they believe their logical conclusions or theories are being criticized.When Logicians are particularly excited, the conversation can border on incoherence as they try to explain the daisy-chain of logical conclusions that led to the formation of their latest idea. Oftentimes, Logicians will opt to simply move on from a topic before it’s ever understood what they were trying to say, rather than try to lay things out in plain terms.The reverse can also be true when people explain their thought processes to Logicians in terms of subjectivity and feeling. Imagine an immensely complicated clockwork, taking in every fact and idea possible, processing them with a heavy dose of creative reasoning and returning the most logically sound results available – this is how the Logician mind works, and this type has little tolerance for an emotional monkey-wrench jamming their machines.Let Those Who Would Move the World First Move ThemselvesFurther, Logicians are unlikely to understand emotional complaints at all, and their friends won’t find a bedrock of emotional support in them. People with the Logician personality type would much rather make a series of logical suggestions for how to resolve the underlying issue, a perspective that is not always welcomed by their more sensitive companions. This will likely extend to most social conventions and goals as well, like planning dinners and getting married, as Logicians are far more concerned with originality and efficient results.The one thing that really holds Logicians back is their restless and pervasive fear of failure. Logician personalities are so prone to reassessing their own thoughts and theories, worrying that they’ve missed some critical piece of the puzzle, that they can stagnate, lost in an intangible world where their thoughts are never truly applied. Overcoming this self-doubt stands as the greatest challenge Logicians are likely to face, but the intellectual gifts – big and small – bestowed on the world when they do makes it worth the fight.

Strenghs

Great Analysts and Abstract Thinkers – People with the Logician personality type view the world as a big, complex machine, and recognize that as with any machine, all parts are interrelated. Logicians excel in analyzing these connections, seeing how seemingly unrelated factors tie in with each other in ways that bewilder most other personality types.

Imaginative and Original – These connections are the product of an unrelenting imagination – Logicians’ ideas may seem counter-intuitive at a glance, and may never even see the light of day, but they will always prove remarkable innovations.

Open-Minded – Logicians couldn’t make these connections if they thought they knew it all – they are highly receptive to alternate theories, so long as they’re supported by logic and facts. In more subjective matters like social norms and traditions, Logicians are usually fairly liberal, with a “none of my business” sort of attitude – peoples’ ideas are what matter.

Enthusiastic – When a new idea piques their interest, Logicians can be very enthusiastic – they are a reserved personality type, but if another person shares an interest, they can be downright excited about discussing it. More likely though, the only outward evidence of this enthusiasm will be Logicians’ silent pacing or their staring into the distance.

Objective – Logicians’ analysis, creativity and open-mindedness aren’t the tools of some quest for ideology or emotional validation. Rather, it’s as though people with the Logician personality type are a conduit for the truths around them, so far as they can be expressed, and they are proud of this role as theoretical mediator.

Honest and Straightforward – To know one thing and say another would be terribly disingenuous – Logicians don’t often go around intentionally hurting feelings, but they believe that the truth is the most important factor, and they expect that to be appreciated and reciprocated.

Weaknesses

Very Private and Withdrawn – While Logicians’ intellectualism yields many insights into their surroundings, their surroundings are ironically considered an intrusion on their thoughts. This is especially true with people – Logicians are quite shy in social settings. More complicated situations such as parties exacerbate this, but even close friends struggle to get into Logicians’ hearts and minds.

Insensitive – Oftentimes Logician personalities get so caught up in their logic that they forget any kind of emotional consideration – they dismiss subjectivity as irrational and tradition as an attempt to bar much-needed progress. Purely emotional situations are often utterly puzzling to Logicians, and their lack of timely sympathy can easily offend.

Absent-minded – When Logicians’ interest is captured, their absence goes beyond social matters to include the rest of the physical world. Logicians become forgetful, missing even the obvious if it’s unrelated to their current infatuation, and they can even forget their own health, skipping meals and sleep as they muse.

Condescending – Attempts at connecting with others are often worse than Logicians’ withdrawal. People with the Logician personality type take pride in their knowledge and rationale, and enjoy sharing their ideas, but in trying to explain how they got from A to B to Z, they can get frustrated, sometimes simplifying things to the point of insult as they struggle to gauge their conversation partners’ perspective. The ultimate insult comes as Logicians give up with a dismissive “never mind”.

Loathe Rules and Guidelines – These social struggles are partly a product of Logicians’ desire to bypass the rules, of social conduct and otherwise. While this attitude helps Logicians’ strength of unconventional creativity, it also causes them to reinvent the wheel constantly and to shun security in favor of autonomy in ways that can compromise both.

Second-Guess Themselves – Logicians remain so open to new information that they often never commit to a decision at all. This applies to their own skills as well – Logician personalities know that as they practice, they improve, and any work they do is second-best to what they could do. Unable to settle for this, Logicians sometimes delay their output indefinitely with constant revisions, sometimes even quitting before they ever begin.

And it finally gives...

Mind 83% introvert  Introverted individuals prefer solitary activities and get exhausted by social interaction. They tend to be quite sensitive to external stimulation (e.g. sound, sight or smell) in general.

Energy 69 % intuitive  Intuitive individuals are very imaginative, open-minded and curious. They prefer novelty over stability and focus on hidden meanings and future possibilities.

Nature 86% thinking  Thinking individuals focus on objectivity and rationality, prioritizing logic over emotions. They tend to hide their feelings and see efficiency as more important than cooperation.

Tactics 87% prospecting  Prospecting individuals are very good at improvising and spotting opportunities. They tend to be flexible, relaxed nonconformists who prefer keeping their options open.

Identity 72% turbulent  Turbulent individuals are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are likely to experience a wide range of emotions and to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve. “

Last thing but not least, “  If you ever watched “The Big Bang Theory” TV series, take a closer look at Sheldon for an example of an INTP. Sure, he may seem rude, harsh, and sometimes even mean. But when his friends have a problem, he is the first person they seek. His intelligence, honesty, and hardcore reasoning are mesmerizing. “ . It’s highly true in my case, I’m often described as cold, harsh or mean. But it’s not to hurt people, I’m just more logical than emotional. It does not mean that I haven’t any emotions, it’s just that those emotions don’t restrain me. Never ask me if you are fat, ‘cause if you are I will tell you the truth and not what you want to hear. It’s for that I don’t like when people use “curvy” instead of fat for example, it’s like being ginger and pretend that you are blond. It’s two different things, why not telling the truth ? Vexing people isn’t a problem for me, as long as I’m honest I still can look at myself in the mirror. It’s a real problem in some communities, like tumblr - and it’s mostly for that I never take part of events or discussions - or some games like Star Stable Online where people are mostly snowflakes. 

It’s not I have nothing to say, it’s just you who are not ready to hear what I have to say.

#personal #16 personality types #16 personalities #intp thoughts #intp problems #intp

[plasma-paints]

The Detectives Office: Items of Interest

(This is mostly going to be an information dump, feel free to use any ideas from it to fuel your own theories, but some of this took literal hours to decipher, please be nice and give some credit... Or don’t I don’t control you *Shrugs* )

I’ve been going over every inch of the detectives office with a fine toothed comb the last couple days. Taking note of literally anything that could be remotely significant to the plot, or some of the mystery still surrounding WKM.

Honesty, I don’t know what in the world the detective was trying to accomplish. None. Nil. Zit. There is such a mess of evidence it seems like this could be several cases worth of evidence, or I’m missing a piece still that connects everything together.

Alright, I’ll start with the piece I have the most information on: The map on the detectives desk:

Or better yet, here’s the original without the million scribbles. (Although, some of those scribbles will be important in a minute.)

As the titles says, it’s a map of LA, but the circles on it are focused around locations of a murder mystery author’s novels and movies. There are a lot of maps of LA, why teamiplier decided to use this one may just be it’s simple nature, but theorizing never keeps things simple. So why this map when there are so many maps of LA? This is a slightly warped map of LA, it’s technically fictional, but this may be a clue to the universe we’re in. This slightly warped version of LA is commonly referred to as Richard Chandler’s Los Angeles.

Next is the scribbles on the map. (Told you I’d get to those.) The rough scrawl in the top corner says: “Unlikely but maybe worth spreading the force out to search,” next to a circled section of Hollywood. Now, Mark Fischback is supposed to be an actor in this universe so him living in Hollywood would in fact make sense, thus searching the area for his missing corpse would also be a logical progression. This despite the actual filming location being 82km (51 Miles) from Hollywood. 

The second point of interest on the map is one of the points of interest circled in the bottom right hand corner of the map. It’s circled with several arrows pointing to it, might just mean that it has some significance. This location, through finding a higher resolution map then the one above, I figured out to be the LA Athletic’s Club, which was Los Angeles’ first private club. The club was founded in 1880 and has been a go to place for many prestigious figures in the city. 

The next biggest clue, or at least the one I’ve been able to do the most theorizing on is The opened envelope and (Y/n)’s sealed invitation. 

First thing: they both share a seal, a very specific seal, an official seal. (It says right on the seal itself actually.)

Official Seal: The name that is given to the imprint or seal that is placed on an official document by the public official.

Now what makes this interesting is that there are two public servants in attendance to the party: The Mayor, and (Y/n). (The detective is a private investigator so he doesn’t count.)

Now, while the red envelope (tan in video) of course could have been an official document, an party invitation is certainly not. Nor should Mark, an actor, have access to official ones, we can assume there supposed to be real, due to the one being present on the envelope. (Unofficial ones can be purchased online). 

Now, there’s the new paper articles referring to Mark and The Mayor being involved in Shady business. (Note: They never refer to the mayor by name, only title so no confirmation it’s Damien.) (Y/n)’s ‘invite’ says they are a district attorney, an alternate name for this appointed occupation is ‘State Prosecutor’, and is the chief law enforcement officer and top prosecutor of that state's jurisdiction. In simple terms, they have a lot of power in the law community.  

(Y/n) takes a sealed envelope to a party disguised as an invitation, handing it to the butler, who also never opens it, as it’s still sealed on the detective’s desk. As well, the butler leaves promptly afterwards to ‘fetch you a drink’, despite Colonel William entering right behind you, is there a specific reason for him not needing an invitation as well? Perhaps that there were no formal invitations, as this is a gathering of 6 people after all. My conclusion is that you, being friends with both the defendants in a high publicity case, tried to assist them.

(Also quick note on the whole illegal activity: If the butler did just casually have cocaine around to mix you a ‘seltzer and cocaine’ the shady business may be drug trafficking, I’ve thought this since the first episode was released.)

Third thing that I spent a while considering, all of the images in the room are of individuals we know from within WKM except three. 

1) The man in the “safari hunt gone wrong” front page story:

2) The man in this shredded article:

3) Finally, Detectives and Damien in the corner:

Note: The first two are clearly newspapers while the third appears to be a magazine due to the glossy paper and barcode. 

Now, how in the world do we connect them to anything in the plot of WKM, I’ve got some vague connections, but nothing solid. It’s hard to base anything around a single blurry photograph, but I still have ideas.

1) Notice the clothing, it was expected that we were likely to assume this was/is Colonel William, but the build, nor the ethnicity match. As well, unlike The Colonel, this man is not military as there are no indications of rank on his clothing (or is the lowest rank officer E-1 Private). Although, it is referred to in the detective’s investigations that The Colonel does have charges laid against him for, or at least accused of, poaching, murder, and resisting arrest. Also again with the official seal, not that it should be placed directly on a legal document...

2) Two notes: The suit, and the post-it note. The suit would imply higher status perhaps, or even to stretch the idea, an associate of the mayor. The note implying that the detective could not find any information on him, but also gave no indication as to why he was involved in this case at all. 

3) The men in that image can be seen in the same picture sitting on the ledge that’s torn to pieces, the Damien with his cane as well. “Celebrity Actor in Cahoots with beloved Mayor” Also the post-it note “Ulterior motives” is pinned to the bottom of the image.

A character name mentioned that has not been referred to at all appearing in one of the news papers on the wall:

In the bottom right hand corner of the article, where the page appears to have been burnt as though someone was trying to eliminate the evidence, is the mention of the name ‘Mina’. “Mina also said” and then the rest is burnt. Mina could be the CPD spokesman, but Mina is not referred to by name earlier, so saying ‘also said’ is confusing.

The odd focus on this Polish monarchy’s blood line in this image:

No, but really, there is NOTHING else in this image that is in focus enough to read, and all of the photo’s are information we already had access to. Why the polish monarchy of all things? 

The charge lists for each guest:

The Chef: Charges covered, 4 listed. The Butler: Public Nudity. The Colonel: Charges include: 1 Resisting Arrest, 6 poaching, 1 murder. (List is burnt there may be more.) The Seer: Thief (and something long I can’t make out) The Detective: None. Mayor Damien: 1 account including the name Meyers- Charge scribbled out.

Other odd things to note: 

-The inclusion of mugshot like photo’s of every guest and staff member -The times the mayor visited Markiplier Manor -The orange/yellow note on the desk with the tic-tac-toe game on it (If anyone can make that out it would be greatly appreciated) -The repetition of words on many papers (Is the detective crazy, was this Mark? Seriously why do that? Other then for dramatic effect.) -The writing on the post-it note that says “who had eyes on the chef between 11pm- 3am?” is in a different hand writing then the other post-it notes. (Note: The detectives writing of W’s is curvy) -The note saying “Spotted Mark in Study @ 5pm (Last Seen?)” Can’t be related to murder, as he was seen at 7pm and onwards.  -”What’s a let’s play” note as well as dabbing post-it note (This Mark is not a Youtuber, and this seems to be set before that craze) -”Call me and number”  -”Missing Undies” note posted over chef’s accusations. 

That is everything I’ve found so far in the detective’s little nook. Good luck coming up with something explaining all of it, I feel like there are a lot of discrepancies.

#who killed markiplier #whokilledmarkiplier #wkm theory #WKM #mayor damien #markiplier #markiplier manor #who killed markiplier theory #wkm evidence

[crackabookwithtina]

The Empire's Ghost by Isabelle Steiger - Review

The Empire's Ghost by Isabelle Steiger is the first book in the Paths of Lantistyne series. An epic fantasy with returning magic, power-hungry rulers, and mysterious events.

The Empire's Ghost Summary

This is a super oversimplified summary. But there is so much that it will explain the gist of what sets everything in motion. Elgar is a very ambitious man and wants to unite the whole continent under one ruler. He has taken Valyanrend, Aurnis, and Lanvaldis under his rule. He just needs Reglay, Esthrades, and Issamira. It's been 3 years since Elgar took Lanvaldis. It took a lot more supplies and men to take Lanvaldis then originally anticipated. But now both are rested up and replenished. It is time to strike Reglay and Esthrades. But there are rumors that the new ruler in Esthrades can weld magic, so battle plans need to be perfect. But the ruler of Esthrades isn't the only rumor of magic. Elgar thinks he could get the upper hand if he would find and possess a possible magical item. If this item is what he thinks it to be he could easily unseat Esthrades. Until he gets Esthrades, Issamire with be impossible to overtake. So he turns his focus on finding this magical item and battle plans for Reglay. But like all wars, not everything goes as planned.

The Empire's Ghost Review

Characters The characters were kind of all over the board. There were some I really cared about. Like Seth, Seren, Lucius, and Roger kinda. Roger gets annoying but I think that is intended. Then there were some I had no idea why they were in the book. Like Monkey, Monkey's sister, at this point but I'm sure he has a big part to play later Shinsei. Kel at first I did not care about a all. But at the coronation, he changed and became an interesting one to watch. There are a lot of characters. It got to the point where I was logging the characters to tract them. Then halfway through it started introducing a whole new set of characters, I was like forget it because it was to much work. Atmosphere: This is where the book shined. The world-building was well thought out. Each area and people were unique to one another. You felt sad when someone would talk about a fallen city and lost culture that is now under Elgar's rule. Especially with Lucius who was from Aurnis. I found his culture super interesting. Writing/Plot/Logic The story is told from several different points of view. It jumps from person to person often, picking up where you left off but sometimes not. It can be hard to keep track of. There are also subplots that don't make sense to me at all. I'm assuming they will be explained in the coming books. I don't feel like the book ended. I don't feel like there was a strong enough conclusion. So if you just follow the storyline of Elgar figuring out who he will attack next then yes he does attack and then there was a result but that was kind of it for me. I don't need a nice neat ending where everything is explained but I do like more then what this book gave me. It is really slow to action for the first 60 something pages. I was pretty annoyed that there was a big build-up to a fight scene and then it cut to the end of the fight scene. If felt kind of gypped, for over 50 pages we are strung along with an adventure, and then we get to the end of it. Then she cuts to after the fight happens. I wanted to see what happened. How did they accomplish what they were set out to do? Nope, just the bloody mess after. That was super irritating. Intrigue

It wasn't until the coronation that I got super sucked in. Then a lot of characters got together. There was a good dialog. There was posturing, power plays, mysterious things started to be revealed. I would say this is where the story came alive. Enjoyment I did enjoy parts of this book. the second half much more than the first half. I also enjoyed reading it will the audiobook. I'm interest to see what the second book brings. I hope that it answers most of the questions I still have.

Reading Diary

I have started to make a chart of the characters. Page 45 Valaren's inner monolog is my favorite. "My Lord you are being-- Petulant or childish would try Elgar's patience needlessly, and even deliberately combative wasn't safe enough to risk." Varalen wasn't sure whether to laugh or to bang his head against the table, but he wisely decided against both. I herd this book was slow but man! Chapter 5 Finally we get some action! Jail Break P 67 Sneaky there Elgar. Sending Lucius and crew on a quest for a vaguely explain item that he doesn't trust his own guards to get. But holding their friend's hostage so they can steal it for there get out of jail free card. Finally some action!!!!! Page 90 Page 100 there are storylines that are still kind of stagnant and I don't yet understand. For example Kel has only whined about his sister having to marry a prince in another country to form an alliance. And so far that is his whole plotline. Shinsei has a mental episode but nothing is explained. Arianrod Margarine who is ruling Esthrades is super feared but we have only met her in the prologue. Totally digging Almsay. Seth's innocence is sweet! "I'd rather live the way I choose, without leaving anything I want undone because I'm too weak or scrupulous to accomplish it" Seren I'm wondering how Morgan and Broddock got unchained? Oh I get it nevermind. She skips over the shrine action and just skips to the conversation after? There better be a good reason for this. A little irritated but still digging Seren Almsay. p146 We are finally taken to Esthrades on p165 Seren was not entirely convinced. "When was the last time you held a blade?" Arianrod laughed. "Why, several hours ago, when I cut my cheese. It was a valiant battle, but I assure you the cheese came out the worse for it." p 176 Arianrod Margarine is great. More characters? How many more can this book have? I just got used to the first set of characters now there seems to be a whole new cast. Loving the coronation! Kel is holding his own! Elgar and Arianrod's posturing is comical! Nooooo😭😭😭😭 "No hair in the soup that indeed is true wisdom" hahahaha Gravis your a bad Mama Gama!!!! Read the full article