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#emotional immaturity
family-trauma · 1 year
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I can totally see this in my family members who say emotionally abusive things to others at home and dismiss that they are being toxic at all. I think emotional immaturity and lack of self awareness does tend to cause people to say very toxic things and not realize or accept that what they are doing is wrong.
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The past few days have been very difficult for me. My mental health has been at an all time low leading me to stay in bed even during work hours. I realize how depressed or burnt out I have been but I also feel like I have 0 energy to get up and do anything I need to. Living in a negative and toxic environment really does bring down one's soul and energy down, to even try doing basic things to stay afloat.
Taking it 1 day at a time this week....
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puddle-turtle · 1 year
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"unfortunately, being counted on isn't the same thing as being loved"
adult children of emotional immature parents - lindsay gibson
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twelvemonkeyswere · 2 years
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I have been reading this book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson.
It's mostly aimed at people looking to heal from emotonally immature parents, as the title says, and I really like that in order to discuss emotional immaturity she takes the time to define what emotional maturity means and what it looks like, citing the multiple sources on which it has been studied.
I thought it was a handy reference to assess how I'm behaving and how the people around me behave, so in case it turns out useful for anyone else, here's a summary of the section she wrote on emotionally mature people.
Definition of Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity means "a person is capable of thinking objectively and conceptually while sustaining deep emotional connection to others" (pg. 28).
Traits of Emotionally Mature People
In summary, emotionally mature people:
can function independently while also having deep emotional attachments, smoothly incorporating both into their life
are direct about pursuing what they want, yet do so without exploiting others
have differentiated from their original family relationships to build a life of their own
have a well-developed sense of self and identity
treasure their closest relationships
are comfortable and honest about their own feelings
get along with other people thanks to well-developed empathy, impulse control, and emotional intelligence
are interested in other people's inner lives
enjoy opening up and sharing with others in an emotionally intimate way
deal with others directly to smooth out differences when there's a problem
cope with stress in a realistic, forward-looking way, while consciously processing their thoughts and feelings
can control their emotions when necessary
anticipate the future
adapt to reality
use empathy and humor to ease difficult situations and strengthen bonds with others
enjoy being objective
know themselves well enough to admit their weaknesses
(These are largely verbatim as they come in the book)
Also, as I understand it, these behaviors/techniques/characteristics are supposed to be learned from the adults in your life, so if you lacked a guide to teach you, it makes sense if you don't know how to do all these, either. But it is your duty to teach yourself now.
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tiktok-singularity · 15 days
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Control your emotions in the moment. It’s so important for your well being and your life.
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moonlit-positivity · 3 months
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There is such a cold, raw anger that can come from being abused as a kid and then leaving that shit behind one day to inevitably learn that the entire reason you're supposed to be alive is to do exactly the opposite of how they brainwashed you to be as a child. What the fuck you mean I have thoughts and feelings??? And now I gotta talk about them??? Were you not there when they smacked my lips as a kid and told me to shut the fuck up anytime I opened my mouth to speak??? Were you not there when I had to hide myself away time and time again because I said and did something that went against the Standard Child NPC dialogue and that made them mad at me for basically existing out of the realm they expected of me and they beat my ass for that????? Like, what the fuck do you mean the solution to all my problems is to talk about it???? Out loud???? Where other people can hear me???? Like fuck, that shit is like ripping your skin off inch by inch. And I dont know what's worse, the fact that it's not gonna move unless you acknowledge and talk about it, or the fact that everyone else in society already knows how to do shit like that and is leagues ahead of you, because theyre off expecting you to be a "normal functioning adult" by this time in your life and well well well would you know it?? No, I'm actually NOT functioning, I'm actually anything BUT FUNCTIONAL!!! I'm still stuck in my childhood when my mother would beat my ass just for breathing the wrong way!! How TF are we expected to know and understand that without experiencing the gut wrenching pain and reality that we were fucking abused as children??? Other kids were off playing and laughing and having a blast, meanwhile we were getting beat and yelled at on a daily basis and told to shut up and stop crying about it. How TF do you talk about that???
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ladyy--lazarus · 1 year
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My mom is 53, and she hasn't taken care of her health like ever. She complains of pain from her job, etc, but refuses to stretch, eat well, or work out at all. She also likes to blame having me when she was 19 as to why she gained weight, which was 33 years ago. I'm an only child and she's helped me some financially and currently, but my god, she's an explosive, emotionally immature child and it's so fucking exhausting and sad dealing with her in any emotional matter. She's also a Capricorn. I've been an adult 30 years of my 33 year-long life. I keep reminding myself that what I'm currently going through is temporary, but just being around her makes everything so much more difficult. I'm leaving a situation that is similar to the one I grew up in around her. This is truly a test period of my self-love, determination, and strength.
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vroomvroomwee · 8 months
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Are you a people pleaser because you weren't praised or complimented enough as a child or are you a people pleaser because you were praised very much and very often and then when you reached teen years it abruptly stopped because your parents were emotionally immature and couldn't be arsed to show you patience and empathy when you were going through a major biological change and that made you believe that you were doing something wrong and the reason they are always so dissapointed was all your fault so you started actively seeking their approval in an attempt to reach the love they gave you before even at your own detrement so much so that it has become a natural habit which has ingrained itself so deep in your psychology that now as an adult you don't know how to break out of it?
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schreiwen · 5 months
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“Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in.”
— Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You
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snonkerdoodledreams · 11 months
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An inability to have uncomfortable conversations is what makes everything a stalemate.
I cannot have these conversations with my mother without making her upset. I haven't tried, because that would cause the biggest ass blowout anyone has seen. When she is upset, she gets extremely defensive and attacks anything she can in hopes of riling up the other person. She does not absorb what the other person is saying.
It would be nice if she was willing to listen, and/or somehow realized, the issues she has.
Unfortunately, she cannot.
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loveandthepsyche · 1 year
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What is your orientation to truth?
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Let’s be honest, it’s not really peace we’re keeping, is it? It’s an insidious form of codependency: I don’t think you can handle the truth, so I’ll withhold it… or I don’t want to deal with your reaction or upset to the truth, so I'll withhold it… or I don't want to take responsibility for what I’ve done, so I'll withhold… I am afraid of the potential outcome if I speak the truth…
Whatever the reason, this weakness of character ( 🚩) will ultimately contribute to the downfall of the relationship if it's not brought into your conscious awareness for healing. If you are committed to true union, speak the truth and confront what arises as a team, thereby resolving the issue & quite possibly creating an indivisible union. Otherwise, your silence poisons your relationship with the ongoing internal war you fight by squelching your truth, only to come out later as resentment, passive aggression and most times, contempt and sheer rage. Eventually resulting in the utter destruction of your relationship. You will project these pent up internal emotions at "the other" because by now your emotional imbalance is overflowing like a volcano ready to spew hot lava. And, it is 100% your responsibility and could have been prevented had you dealt with the issue at the onset and acknowledged the warning signs (your feelings) along the way.
So let’s be real: avoiding conflict has nothing to do with keeping or creating peace. You are lying to yourself when you tell yourself that. It’s actually avoidance of taking responsibility, simply not wanting to deal with the current reality present. The conflict doesn't disappear because you withhold the truth. It’s simply hidden, and more accurately, postponed in a subtle form of [self] deception. And this character weakness has the power to sabotage every area of your life if you don't hold yourself accountable and develop the tools to communicate with an orientation towards the truth and confronting the issue together, not confronting each other like you're in a war zone.
When the next opportunity arises, you have the power to choose--speak your truth and evolve your relationship and your being, or you can continue to run away and postpone that which is in the ultimate act of self-sabotage and emotional immaturity. The difference is creating the partnership your heart dreams of versus the torture, heartbreak and regret the ego so easily exploits.
~ Monet Euan
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outstanding-quotes · 2 years
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For emotionally immature people, all interactions boil down to the question of whether they’re good people or bad ones, which explains their extreme defensiveness if you try to talk to them about something they did.
Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
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nopenonoaaaahh · 9 months
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Immaturity in The Summer I Turned Pretty
I think tsitp is really interesting, mostly because of the immaturity of the three main characters, and that leaks into the Fandom space as well. Each one of the characters is very immature at this current moment but in very different ways, and I really hope we'll get to see how they grow and mature next season.
First off we have Belly. Despite a lot of her actions I really like her mostly because of her space as an unreliable narrator. You have to read into scenes with a more precise lens because we're being fed false information as fact based on how Belly is feeling at the current moment. Which shows her maturity level. She is very insecure but also very self involved. She inflates her importance but often times in a negative way, which leads her to making these incredibly rash decisions and has her flip-flop on her feelings all the time cause she feels like she'll never get her chance again and tries to shield herself from hurt. With Conrad she never trusts his intentions because she's spent so long telling herself he is a fantasy that she can't trust he genuinely loves her or wants to be with her. And with Jeremiah you have kind of the opposite thing happening she never really entertained the idea until he brought it up so now she feels like she can always trust him to be there and love her despite the fact that he's been trying to move on.
With Jeremiah, he is competitive and overconfident. Belly's relationship with Conrad forces him to face both of those without him really wanting to. He does genuinely care for Belly but he gets jealous and scared that he won't be good enough because she's always been in love with Conrad. And it being Conrad just makes it worse for him, because we see that he's always felt overshadowed as the younger sibling and that Conrad was 'the golden boy'. We see with how he reacts to Cam. He is jealous, but he'd be willing to let her date him, barring a little teasing, because he wants her to be happy. But that doesn't happen with Conrad. The only reason he gave them his "blessing" is cause he didn't want to look pathetic. It's a competition and a way to prove he can truly win out over Conrad, and every time she chooses Conrad over him it's a hit to his ego. He wants Belly to be happy, but only if it's not with Conrad.
With Conrad his immaturity is shown in a very different way. Whereas Belly and Jeremiah are immature because of lack of experience and needing to learn, Conrad has had a lot of responsibility. Both of his parents aren't reliable. His dad's never around, and though I love Susannah, she is not flawless. She has a very common belief that you don't talk about hard things you plaster on a smile whether or not you're actually happy because you don't want to bring the people around you down. The problem with that is if you cannot express your emotions or how you're feeling you will either be completely unable to address and understand your feelings or you'll blow up. Conrad is immature in the way he refuses to address his feelings even when he's hurting people because he doesn't know how.
I just think it's really interesting to see especially how the Fandom reacts to it because a lot of us are immature in similar ways and we're going to relate to and care for the characters that act in ways we would.
Anyways I want to hear what other people think of this and any counter arguments to these ideas cause I really like analyzing these characters and their actions.
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vizthedatum · 3 months
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If someone cares about me, even if they have whatever attachment style, trauma, personality type, culture, etc., then they will care about how their actions made me feel.
It is a sign of emotional maturity and alignment with me for this to occur. I consider it love and consideration… and I acknowledge that it’s hard to do if it hasn’t been modeled for you or if you’re emotionally unregulated. A lot of people may not consciously be emotionally toxic or harmful, but that doesn’t lessen the hurt or even the amount of repair that needs to be done for a relationship to thrive and continue.
What’s not emotional maturity based on misaligned relationships of my past? Here are some of the red flags I’ve encountered:
If they say they’re not good enough or not doing enough when you express hurt over them not meeting your needs (an example: I needed emotional support and healthcare support during a pregnancy scare (which is still ongoing - I still feel pregnant, and I am still awaiting one more test result to clinically confirm either way)).
Reversing the conversation to talk about all the struggles they’re facing when the conversation was initially about how their actions and beliefs impacted you negatively. (An example: my former best friend shutting down every conversation by talking about her hectic work schedule and how her father’s death impacted her… when both things were not relevant to the issue at hand. While these are valid things to go through and I’m not trying to minimize, they allowed her to not take any accountability for her hurtful behavior for several years (it started before her father’s death, to be honest). She would throw tantrums over completely unrelated things when the focus wasn’t on her, especially if she did something to either belittle, gossip about, or actively hurt someone else.)
Telling you that you’re too much, controlling, needy, mentally unwell, mentally unstable, reactive, unreasonable, crazy, manic, emotionally unstable, etc. when you’re expressing needs for more time, attention, and prioritization over things that you value in your connection. (I have had multiple exes deflect in arguments by distracting me from my reality of being hurt or unfulfilled by questioning my mental state.)
Causing you to feel lonely or feel that there’s something wrong with you. (If this happens, relationship repair must occur - people need to talk and figure it out. Otherwise, it can be a perpetual thorn in the relationship. It may be a sign to break up if people continue feeling this way after multiple attempts to repair.)
Telling you that they don’t know why you’re upset or continuously pushing aside (or ignoring) your hurt, when you have told them multiple times. Feigning ignorance or exasperation that you’re still upset.
Having you agree to things that goes against your personal boundaries - such as having to agree to keep parts of your relationship quiet. People often do this to gain control over situations or to cover up their careless behavior. I’ve unfortunately fallen for it and agreed to several such agreements because u thought I was being considerate, even if I was the one trying to express how hurt or silenced I felt. (Example: an ex told me not to tell my friends how hurt I was over his cheating and how he didn’t think my body type was good enough to be his girlfriend while secretly dating me.)
(Another example: my most recent ex-partner asked me to not tell my metamour about my pregnancy when I was the one who was extremely upset/distraught that they hadn’t told anyone what I was going through for weeks. I had been going through a serious pregnancy scare for at least 2-3 weeks at the time, and we were kitchen table poly. My ex-metamour also was actively reading my blog, and I knew they’d find out one way or another anyway. They were also my friend at the time. My ex-partner, marred by their thoughts/feelings of me not being pregnant, even though I plead to them that I was - framed the situation by saying that I wasn’t even sure I was pregnant (they gaslighted me multiple times) and they eventually told their other partner this information under that framing. They told their partner after I broke the agreement due to my ex-metamour guessing what I was going through. I was already going through an incredibly isolating experience where my partner wasn’t treating my experience with the level of seriousness it required, I agreed to a ridiculous agreement, I broke the agreement by telling my ex-metamour “yes” when she wanted to guess what was going on with me, and then I got yelled at… they’re still upset that I broke it while completely ignoring that I had to change my whole entire way of caring for my health while I face pregnancy symptoms for weeks.)
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tatuzinho-de-jardim · 10 months
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Emotional Immaturity: Meaning and Examples.
Being Emotionally Immature means that you have a certain difficulty in controlling your emotions, accepting responsibility for your actions, coping with difficult situations, and more.
Some examples;
when your emotions take over you and your actions, and basically 'speak for you'. Just imagine: someone did something you didn't like, and now you're angry. Like, really, really angry. And, instead of trying to calm yourself down so you could to talk to that person about what they did, you decide to ignore them out of anger and despite. You'll only know if that person did that accidentally or on purpose, if you talk to them, ignoring them isn't a good solution, the chances of you loosing a good friend or even partner, are pretty high.
Now, about accepting responsibility for your actions. You and your friends were hanging out, but, you decided to tell everyone one of your friends biggest secret, and instead of apologizing, you try to ignore it or to just keep saying that "it wasn't your fault". This is not good. Even if you know that you're wrong, if you keep trying to maintain your ego, you'll lose some or all of your friends, and even everyone's confidence. The best thing you could do is: admit you are wrong, and try your best to not do it again. Mistakes happens and it's okay.
Now, let's use one of my own experiences to talk about the last one. Imagine that you're in a Discord server, and someone sent anonymous death threats to one of the members, which is friends with almost everyone in the server. Three of this person friends (that are your friends too), start to look for the person who did that. They're mad and scared and with no evidence at all, they start to accuse everyone. In the end, they didn't discovered who sent that messages to their friend, and only made every accused person sad/have an crisis. What did they do wrong? Well, they were desperate. It's pretty hard to do anything while being at this state, so they didn't had the opportunity to manage the situation in the right way.
Conclusion.
Emotional Maturity is something you gain with time. It's common to see little kids ignoring their friends because of something they did to them, it's common to see teenagers not assuming their errors, etc. But, everyday, we can see young adults and adults not being Emotionally Mature enough to even hear different opinions from theirs. Parents needs to work their child's emotional since they're little, but it's common to see them emotionally neglecting their kids, because that's what they learned from their parents, they were emotionally neglected too, and it's hard for them to realize it and try to change their habits.
If you want me to add anything in here or to change some information, tell me. This was written by me, based on what I've learned from my research. If you want to learn more about Emotional Immaturity, click Here.
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Português (🇧🇷)
Ser Emocionalmente Imaturo significa que você tem certa dificuldade em controlar suas emoções, assumir a responsabilidade por suas ações, lidar com situações difíceis e muito mais.
Alguns exemplos;
Quando suas emoções dominam você e suas ações, e basicamente 'falam por você'. Imagine só: alguém fez algo que você não gostou e agora você está com raiva. Tipo, muita, muita raiva. E, em vez de tentar se acalmar para poder conversar com aquela pessoa sobre o que ela fez, você decide ignorá-la por raiva e aversão. Você só saberá se aquela pessoa fez isso sem querer ou de propósito, se você falar com ela, ignorá-la não é uma boa solução, as chances de você perder um bom amigo ou mesmo parceiro, são bem altas.
Agora, sobre aceitar a responsabilidade por suas ações. Você e seus amigos estavam saindo, mas você decidiu contar a todos um dos maiores segredos de um de seus amigos e, em vez de se desculpar, tenta ignorá-lo ou apenas continuar dizendo que "não foi sua culpa". Isto não é bom. Mesmo que você saiba que está errado, se continuar tentando manter seu ego, perderá alguns ou todos os seus amigos e até mesmo a confiança de todos. A melhor coisa que você pode fazer é: admitir que está errado e tentar o seu melhor para não cometer o mesmo erro novamente. Erros acontecem e está tudo bem.
Agora, vamos usar uma das minhas próprias experiências para falar sobre o último. Imagine que você está em um servidor do Discord e alguém enviou ameaças de morte anônimas a um dos membros, que é amigo de quase todos no servidor. Três amigues dessa pessoa começam a procurar a pessoa que fez isso. Elus estão braves e assustades e sem nenhuma prova, começam a acusar todo mundo. No final, elus não descobriram quem mandou aquela mensagem para o amigo, e só deixaram todos os acusados ​​tristes / em crise. O que fizeram de errado? Bem, elus estavam desesperados. É muito difícil fazer qualquer coisa nesse estado, então elus não tiveram a oportunidade de administrar a situação da maneira correta.
Conclusão.
Maturidade emocional é algo que você ganha com o tempo. É comum ver crianças pequenas ignorando seus amigos por causa de algo que fizeram com elas, é comum ver adolescentes não assumindo seus erros, etc. Mas, todos os dias, podemos ver jovens adultos e adultos não sendo emocionalmente maduros o suficiente, nem para ouvir opiniões diferentes das deles. Os pais precisam trabalhar o emocional dos filhos desde pequenos, mas é comum vê-los negligenciando emocionalmente os filhos, pois foi isso que aprenderam com os pais, eles também foram negligenciados emocionalmente, e é difícil eles perceberem e tentarem mudar seus hábitos.
Se você quiser que eu acrescente algo aqui ou que mude alguma informação, me diga. Isso foi escrito por mim, com base no que aprendi em minha pesquisa. Se você quiser saber mais sobre Imaturidade Emocional, clique Aqui.
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Español
Ser emocionalmente inmaduro significa que tiene cierta dificultad para controlar sus emociones, asumir la responsabilidad de sus acciones, lidiar con situaciones difíciles y mucho más.
Algunos ejemplos;
Cuando tus emociones te dominan a ti y a tus acciones, y básicamente 'hablan por ti'. Imagínate: alguien hizo algo que no te gustó y ahora estás enojado. Como, muy, muy enojado. Y en lugar de tratar de calmarte para poder hablar con esa persona sobre lo que hizo, decides ignorarla por enojo y disgusto. Solo sabrás si esa persona lo hizo sin querer o a propósito, si hablas con ella, ignorarla no es una buena solución, las posibilidades de que pierdas a un buen amigo o incluso a una pareja son muy altas.
Ahora acerca de aceptar la responsabilidad de sus acciones. Tú y tus amigos estaban pasando el rato, pero decidiste contarles a todos uno de los mayores secretos de tu amigo y en lugar de disculparte, intentas ignorarlo o simplemente sigues diciendo "no fue tu culpa". Esto no está bien. Incluso si sabes que estás equivocado, si sigues tratando de mantener tu ego, perderás algunos o todos tus amigos e incluso la confianza de todos. Lo mejor que puedes hacer es: admitir que te equivocaste y hacer todo lo posible para no volver a cometer el mismo error. Los errores ocurren y eso está bien.
Ahora, usemos una de mis propias experiencias para hablar sobre la última. Imagina que estás en un servidor de Discord y alguien ha enviado amenazas de muerte anónimas a uno de los miembros que es amigo de casi todos en el servidor. Tres de los amigos de esa persona comienzan a buscar a la persona que hizo esto. Están enojades y asustades y sin ninguna prueba, comienzan a acusar a todos. Al final, no descubrieron quién envió ese mensaje de amigo, y eso dejó a todos los acusados ​​tristes/en crisis. ¿Que hicieron mal? Bueno, estaban desesperades. Es muy difícil hacer algo en ese estado, por lo que no han tenido la oportunidad de manejar la situación adecuadamente.
Conclusión.
La madurez emocional es algo que se gana con el tiempo. Es común ver a niños pequeños ignorar a sus amigos por algo que les han hecho, es común ver a adolescentes que no reconocen sus errores, etc. Pero, todos los días, podemos ver a adultos jóvenes y adultos que no son lo suficientemente maduros emocionalmente, ni para escuchar opiniones diferentes a las suyas. Los padres necesitan trabajar las emociones de sus hijos desde pequeños, pero es común verlos descuidando emocionalmente a sus hijos, porque eso es lo que aprendieron de sus padres, ellos también fueron descuidados emocionalmente, y les cuesta darse cuenta y tratar de cambiar sus hábitos.
Si quieres que agregue algo aquí o cambie alguna información, házmelo saber. Esto fue escrito por mí, basado en lo que aprendí en mi investigación. Si quieres saber más sobre la Inmadurez Emocional, haz click Aquí.
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tiktok-singularity · 3 months
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“Emotionally immature people won’t apologize”
here’s why!
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yourmentalhealthpal · 8 months
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Emotional immaturity holds back personal growth and relationships. Learning how to manage your emotional struggles helps a lot in opening ways for growth. Read more about Good Mental Health Practices
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