#enmeshment

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@haileypaigemagee

#boundaries #healthy boundaries #enmeshment #codependency #self compassion

[serenityquest]

#healing #mental health #healthy boundaries #codependency #enmeshment #self love

[brotherism]

Cain and Abel, Keith Vaughan / Andrew Kozma, Song of the Insensible

#the brothers <3 #comparisons #brothers #brother quotes #literature #art #keith vaughan #andrew kozma #cain and abel #like. sure #home is a person / whose bloody hands match yours. #*me #enmeshment

[thepeacefulgarden]

And those aren't your people.

#find your people #friendship #relationships #romance #love #detachment #letting go #breakup #divorce #singleness #dating #family #low contact #no contact #dysfunctional family #enmeshment #codependency #mental health #self care #self compassion #you are enough #you are worthy #self respect #boundaries #recovery #people pleasing #fawning

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Look my mother regularly violates me in an emotional sense.

Like, being 14 years old and coaching your mother through a divorce and all the messy feelings involved is not something I should have ever had to do.

Listening to her talk about how she sometimes thinks about committing murder-suicide in regards to your life and her own is not something I should have ever had to do.

Listening to her regularly shit talk every single family member we have is not something I should ever have to do.

I'm tired of being her therapist, her pseudo spouse, and her best friend all rolled into one. I am her child, and she never thinks about how her emotional dumping might effect me.

#childhood trauma #parentification #enmeshment #toxic mother #toxic mom #dysfunctional family #toxic relationship #toxic parents #toxic family

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

This is in no way a hate post towards middle and oldest siblings, because we all got freaking traumatized by our parents, just in very different ways. Please, don't shower this post with hate. Thank you.

Being the youngest is carrying the weight of your family's trauma, and fearing them when you don't even know half of what they've done and said because no one will tell you.

Being the youngest is also being told that you're an eavesdropper because you overhear information you definitely shouldn't all the freaking time because you want to know what's going on and you have no other way to learn, and sometimes you pass the information on to other members of the family and then get chewed out for it, or you unintentionally hurt the person who was told because it was about them and you didn't know they didn't know.

Being the youngest is also searching across the internet for something-- ANYTHING-- that relates to being a youngest sibling beyond "youngest siblings are often the smartest and the funniest" crap or the eldest and middle siblings getting angry with the youngest.

Being the youngest is feeling guilty for everything. That you got more of your parents' attention, that you got things sooner, that you got things at all, it's feeling like "that guy" when all you're doing is breathing. (because THEY weren't allowed to breathe.) it's feeling constantly "privileged" and "spoiled" and hating it.

Being the youngest is being told to "never grow up or get taller" because they don't want to see you old. it's being perpetually too young, but yet too old. it's constant isolation because people don't want to be with the "baby of the family"

It's learning the tricks of the trade with everything the older siblings do and then having crippling anxiety at the idea of getting it right the first try. It's accidentally stealing your older siblings hobbies and feeling terrified they'll yell at you.

It's feeling constantly trapped between your parents not wanting you to leave and using you as a support and your siblings not wanting you to be successful, but your insatiable need to get yourself out of the shadow of your siblings keeps that impossible.

it's being either treated as an equal to your siblings and parents or a child. You're expected to be as mature as your siblings, so you act like an adult at twelve or ten. it's fearing criticism and constantly feeling the need to be perfect so there will be nothing to criticize. Everything you do doesn't feel like it means anything.

But oh gosh you just want to get out of your house but you're not old enough. you're never old enough. Everyone's voices and sounds are horrifying, terrifying. you're terrified of them, but they don't hurt you like they used to.

Being the youngest is waiting for a bomb to go off without knowing there was a bomb in the first place. it's being the one who sees the scattered remnants of the shrapnel, and wishes they knew what happened. You weren't there for the actual explosion.

Every moment is exhausting.

#childhood trauma #trauma #emotional abuse #emotional neglect #youngest sibling #youngest sibling trauma #highly sensitive people #thinking #anger #fear #toxic family #enmeshment

[family-trauma]

How many of you can relate?

I most def can...

#absurd #dysfunctional household #dysfunctional parents #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional relationship #enmeshed household #enmeshment #enmeshed #toxic #toxic people #toxic household #toxic family #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mental wellbeing #survival #trauma recovery #self therapy #family-trauma #family trauma

[moonlit-positivity]

Here is something really hard to hear: you're so attached to your FP (favorite person) because the adults in your life as a child failed to give you a safe, stable, and secure attachment while you were growing up, and maybe there was even a lot of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction present or maybe you spent your entire childhood having to prioritize your parent's emotional needs while your needs as the child went neglected, so now as an adult you are constantly seeking that missed connection, that missed safety, in those around you to fulfill that. And the harsh reality is that inevitably your FP will let you down because other people cannot fulfill what our parents should have been there to give us. You're closeness to your FP, your thoughts and feelings of just wanting to be utterly consumed by their presence? Thats your childhood speaking. You're fears of being alone and abandoned again? Your child self is cowering in fear constantly reliving the heartaches of your parent's instabilities and neglect. Take a lot of that guilt and pressure off of yourself, but inevitably we will have to confront the fact that our parents have failed us and that other people cannot fill that void in the way we are needing that void to be filled. That void can only be filled by replacing this dysfunctional definition of enmeshed love with the healthier definition of you finding your own strength and autonomy and reclaiming your individuality from that of your parents. This is what the emotional work of codependency & attachment theory healing looks like.

#ptsd #recovery #trauma #mental health #healing #bpd #relationships #toxic relationships #borderline personality disorder #codependency #enmeshment #emotional work #healing thoughts #trauma informed #childhood healing #personality disorders #bpd thoughts #communication #boundaries #self love #self esteem #self improvement #growth

[askmadcomcrew]

What happens to a s3lf after a grunt becomes a zed?

Oh, finally, someone interested in the art of enmeshment, I take it? Allow me to explain. Basically, the S3LF becomes bound to the corpse, unable to leave or escape except through death. It still exists, which is how the body can be reanimated, but in most cases cognitive function is severely limited. Obviously, due to my status as a prophet of Buoyancy, I was blessed to keep my sanity and my mind.

#Crackpot #enmeshment

[softnoodlesdoodles]

#sense of self #cptsd #people pleaser #mental health #enmeshment #I'm posting this comic to distract myself from an email I have to send

[venting-town]

I’d really appreciate it if my dad would stop depending on my existence to make him feel better

I am your child. I am NOT your therapist

I’m not, and should have NEVER been, obligated to call you or talk to you for you to be able to function

I’m 21 years old and you’ve been dependent on me ever since I was a toddler ( maybe younger! )

YOU are in your mid 50s, and you STILL “ need me “ to be able to have a good day

I wish that you would get a therapist and start working on yourself BY yourself, because this is BEYOND ridiculous

I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to be happy and functional and a better person than you are ( because this also goes beyond all the enmeshment/child neglect/manipulation/child abuse in general you’ve committed ).

But you need to STOP depending ON ME for YOUR HAPPINESS!

#vent #tw vent #vent 9/15/22 #tw dad #enmeshment #emotionally immature parents #bad parents #bad parenting #tw child abuse #tw child neglect #tw emotional manipulation #tw father #dad mention #tw dad mention #toxic parents #toxic dad

[safe-haven-safe-place]

#mental health #enmeshment #dysfunctional family #dysfunctional parents #codependency #trauma #cptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder #trauma healing #healthy boundaries #childhood trauma

[femmefatalevibe]

hi.

tw: abuse.

don’t hesitate to delete this. i understand the sensitivity of the topic.

so,

i’m still a minor and i’m sorry i didn’t know where i could get advice from. my dad and i had a fight because i jokingly told him he should quit smoking (i could remember telling him this statement since i was five but he never did) because he’s old and we are having financial difficulties. we can’t afford risking his health and his destructive habits won’t help. he got mad and thought i’m being a b*tch just because he didn’t gave my full allowance that week but he can buy a pack for his cigs (which is tbh partly the case of my frustration but most of all, piled up resentment why our family struggle because he coped through gambling and smoking but most of all was the fact that he keeps me in a situation of why must loving him had to be this hard)

now, in an asian household culture, they really held respect in eldest highest regard even if they don’t make any sense anymore (to me at the very least). it didn’t get better that i’ve always been strong-headed with my opinions, i will argue my point to bits to my parents as attempts to be the adults i needed them to be and they didn’t like my approach because i have the tendency to be blunt, i present the faults as instincts in hopes to figure the solution. they didn’t like that very much, maybe because of my unfiltered delivery as well. as a result, i’ve been told i’m too arrogant and a know-it-all, selfish and uncaring. i’m afraid that what if they are right? i value fairness and i believe respect should go both ways. he wanted to raise his hand and i dared him to hit me like he used to. all just to prove him that my outburst was beyond materialistic stuff such as my allowance he could barely provide. he couldn’t but he was screaming at my face, telling me to talk. telling me how ungrateful i was, telling me to speak up and i said no. i begged that we do it once he calm down. and i can’t do this any longer. i was drained. but he was shouting and telling me to speak up. even my mom back him up and how did I become so heartless.

i love my dad. he loves us in ways he knew best. i wanted to apologize but i don’t know what i should apologise for, not at least in the way he would like to. because i don’t think i’m wrong. i want to apologise, perhaps because i could have approach it better, i’ve tried. but should i even apologise? i would leave this house if i could. basically, how can i resolve the conflict if he thinks i’m attacking him? how can i say sorry when i don’t think i’m wrong. he won’t even apologise for what he did to me. i’m their daughter, not just their daughter. i’m a human first, and their kid second.

Hi love! I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to deal with this!! Please know that you deserve better and are dealing with people who do not have the capacity to support you in the ways you deserve.

"i’m their daughter, not just their daughter. i’m a human first, and their kid second." NEVER forget this!! You're absolutely correct.

I'm not a therapist by any means but have dealt with similar dynamics, so I'm linking a few resources below and a direct link to a great book on the topic, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents:

Hope some of this resonates and that you can leave this unhealthy environment soon, surround yourself with loving individuals, and get a therapist to help you build the fulfilling life you deserve.

Sending love xx

#femmefatalevibe #q/a #family advice #narcissismawareness #enmeshment #self healing #trauma healing #boundaries #self improvement #self help #inner work #inner voice #inner child #personal growth #femme fatale #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #adult children of emotionally immature parents #emotionally immature parents #life advice #interpersonal relationships #self worth #note to self

[thepeacefulgarden]

#family #people pleasing #fawning #codependency #enmeshment #boundaries #self care #self compassion #self respect #self love #make yourself a priority #be yourself #self care is not selfish #authenticity #find yourself

[enmesheddaughterparentified]

Sometimes I think I exaggerate how bad it is. Other times I wonder if I would even recognize the signs of it being bad

#childhood trauma #parentification #toxic parents #enmeshment #toxic mother #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic relationship #toxic mom

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I'm no longer angry. I'm just tired.

Brain numbingly tired.

it's hard to focus because I'm just so tired and I just don't care anymore. I should have empathy, but I just can't anymore. I'm exhausted at the idea of caring.

So so tired of eggshells.

so tired of waiting.

I just want out.

But I'm scared I'll do this with everything else too. I'll tire of that eventually, like I have with my life here.

But most people don't even know this is happening. They don't see how scared I am of my family. They don't understand why, because it's "not that bad" but they haven't seen it when it is that bad. People seem so angry when you talk about going no contact, but they don't understand that speaking with those members of your family is like ingesting poison.

Parents aren't supposed to feel like school counselors.

They chose one child to protect and it wasn't me.

And I'm tired of them pretending that sibling "isn't that bad"

Even though I feel sick at the thought of interacting with them because I never know if today is the day I get murdered.

#trauma #childhood trauma #tw emotional abuse #emotional neglect #emotional abuse #emotional suppression #numb #emotions #feelings #toxic family #depersonalization #high functioning depression #highly sensitive people #adhd problems #adhd #emotional #whump #angry #tired #mentally tired #actually mentally ill #mentally exhausted #healing journey #self awareness #therapy #burnout #writers block #writer stuff #writer problems #enmeshment