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sakurayumekun · 21 days

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PRO-ANA GUIDE HANDBOOK

An anorexic mind

First of all, let's work on the psychology first. Be sure to fuck up your relationship with food from the start. You want to make yourself as neurotic as possible about food, eating, kitchens, cutlery, refrigerators, restaurants, and hey, why not stretch this out even further and start hating the actual source of foods, in other words the actual animals and plants. I myself am utterly opposed to factories. Any kind of factory. Even pillow factories, hell they're all the same. But you! Spread those bad thoughts! Hate that chicken!!! Unless of course, you're going for the sympathetic, oh the poor animals, vegan slant. That's a good one too. Firstly, reaffirm your mission. Immortalise it. Buy a fat, blank notebook, this will become your own personal anorexic sanctuary of sorts. Write down WHY you want to lose weight. Be sure to include things like how you will feel when you're 10lbs lighter, the glorious clothes you will fit into, an occasion that you would like to be thinner for like your sixteenth birthday, etc. Give yourself a final goal, and break it up into several, smaller, goalpoints. For example, if you weigh 140lbs and would like to eventually be 90lbs, list points along the way which signify a victory for you. For example, 130lbs, and then 115lbs, then 110lbs, then 100lbs, and so on. Re-read this again and again for inspiration. You will be using this notebook later to create tackytown anorexia-inspired collages and other paraphernalia.

Visualisation. Following the same strain as NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming, we must use the principles of association to retrain your consciousness, and sub-consciousness, to turn food into one of the greater evils of the world. (Read: the greatest evil!!) Start by associating food with disgusting things. For your first ever fast, it may be helpful to draw pictures of juicy red apples, somehow morphing into giant dead rotting pigs. Plaster these all around your house, preferably on the food itself. Never underestimate the power of images. Put pictures of fat girls on your fridge, or better yet, pictures of yourself; you're pretty fat. Conversely, stick pictures of rakish models everywhere you can see them, for inspiration, and a bit of productive self-loathing. Also, practise writing things like "I'm fat" over and over. You want to drill this into your brain. "I will be thin" is a good one, as well as other "I will" affirmations. These are positive statements and very conducive to big time weight loss. Now create a list of suitable punishments either for thinking of food, or for caving in and eating food itself. A good one to try is to keep a rubber band on your hand and flick your skin whenever you think of eating. Eventually you will have a swollen hand, and a shrunken body; you will have ceased thinking of food so much. Other punishments include ridiculous amounts of exercise, purging, self-mutilation, isolation, basic denial of necessary comforts such as blankets on a cold night, or shelter when it is raining... Or simply menial, disgusting tasks such as cleaning the bathroom. Remember, you need discipline. Invent pain and hassles for yourself. Trick yourself into believing your life sucks. Be mean to people so that they instigate fights, just to make you constantly on edge, or nervous, so you cant eat. After all, you'll be light-headed and dizzy, and irritable from not eating, so you have an excuse. I used to love when dad got mad at me because it meant I was so upset I could not eat. Become an angst ridden teenager. You'll be making yourself nauseous from worry and self hatred in no time. Find another anorexic to consort with. Whether this be in real life, or on the internet. You can swap tips and indulge in your little sordid anorexia world together, force each other to exercise, pat each other on the back when you reach goals, etc. You want to completely surround yourself with all thoughts of anorexia. Find pro-anorexia websites, or create your own. Sign up for one of the dozens of pro-anorexic mailing lists at Yahoo! and you'll be bombarded daily with like minded individuals. Now, immerse yourself further in anorexia propaganda, read anorexia or otherwise 'thin' inspired literature, listen to anorexic music, watch as many triggering films as you can get your delicate little mitts on, look up to very thin hollywood stars and supermodels. Also, visit as many of the aforementioned pro-anorexia sites as you can to get a bunch of quotes and mantras to write in your anorexia notebook, and repeat inside your head daily. I have compiled a list of such sources of thinspiration.

Thinspiration

Triggering music

This is essential. You must familiarise yourself with the very teenage and angstyartists and be sure to play the music over and over to thoroughly depress yourself. Ones to keep in mind are:

Fiona Apple - "Paper Bag" ... Hunger hurts but starving works...

Silverchair - "Ana's Song (Open Fire)" ... And I need you now somehow, and I need you now somehow ... On my knees for you... In my head the flesh seems thicker...

Juliana Hatfield - "Feed Me"... Oh baby if only you knew, I'm down to 102...

Tori Amos - "Jackie's Strength" ... You're only popular with anorexia, so I turn myself inside out, in hopes someone will see...

Anorexic mantras

You must collect as many of these as possible. Write them in your anorexia notebook, memorise them, let them comfort you. Some examples are:

"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person."

"You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you will enjoy yourself hugely in the 20 minutes or so that you will be consuming the excess calories, or whether you will dislike youself cordially for 2 or 3 days for your lack of willpower."

"I'm not starving myself...I'm perfecting my emptiness."

"I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I gasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. Jesus! I never realised how easy it was!"

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

"The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh,"

Devour literature, not food

Words and text are very very triggering when it comes to not eating. For one thing, it gives you a world to inhabit, your very own private, magnificent anorexia world which nobody else around you can touch, and you shall have characters to understand you. You will be so riveted that you will not need to eat. Books to check out include:

The best little girl in the world by Steven Levenkron

Wasted by Marya Hornbacher

The fountainhead by Ayn Rand - not about anorexia per se, but Dominique

Francon is the fucking epitome of ethereal, insubstantial, bony grace.

I am an artichoke by Lucy Frank

Starving for attention by Cherry Boone O'Neill

Hunger scream by Ivy Ruckman

Diary of an eating disorder by Chelsea Smith and Beverly Runyon

My sister's Bones by Cathi Hanauer

Stick figure by Lori Gottlieb

Eve's apple by Jonathan Rosen

Thinspiring films and TV shows

These might be about anorexia itself, or it might simply be glamorous and include very thin beautiful people. Movies and television programmes I know others find thinspiring are:

Girl, Interrupted

For The Love Of Nancy

Ally McBeal

Role models

You need somebody to idolise. You must research him or her to the bones and become as close to her as possible. Become obsessed. Some suitable examples include those in the following list, who are either very skinny, or have, or have had anorexia:

Kate Moss - 90's waif

Angelina Jolie - skinny sexy actress, e.g. Girl, Interrupted and Gia

Christina Ricci - actress, had anorexia

Calista Flockhart - Ally McBeal

Lara Flynn Boyle - glamorous and snobby, never eats

Tracey Gold - actress who suffered from anorexia

Karen Carpenter - musician and classic anorexic

Portia de Rossi - actress on Ally McBeal who went through a stage of dangerous dieting

Geri Halliwell - formerly Ginger Spice, engaged in a 'thin war' with:

Victoria Beckham - formerly Posh Spice

Courtney Cox - actress on Friends, bony and gaunt

Twiggy - iconoclastic model

Mary Kate - had anorexia... perfection

Jodie Kidd - impossibly thin model

Nicole Richie - Thin thin thin

Audrey Hepburn - quintessential class, very petite

This should be enough to sufficiently fuck up and cloud your perceptions. Above all, convince yourself you are above others, a hero, owing to your spectacular powers of restraint. Feel elitist. Feel as though you are somehow super-human for resisting the urge to eat. Feel better than the other mere mortals who dig in to their cereal and their donuts. Believe in the power of starving as though it were a religion.

Extreme dieting

Now we can move on to the actual act of excessive dieting itself. First off we should establish clear limits. Make up rules you cannot deviate from. Only eat yellow foods on Monday, and brown foods on Tuesday. Or only eat every other day. Or only eat at night. Or only eat on days with the letter "u" in them. Or become a vegan. Or a fruitarian. Or follow your own version of a well known diet, such as the ever popular low carb diets, e.g., the Zone Diet, Atkin's Diet. Use your imagination. I knew a model who swore her secret was living on sushi, candy, oranges, cigarettes, and water. Another tip to try is to only allow yourself one food a day. You will get sick of the taste and therefore eat less due to boredom.

Now, compile a list of safe foods. Here is a fairly comprehensive list:

Low Cal Jelly (or Jello, for you Americans)

Celery - it is composed highly of water, it is crunchy, which is said to cause you to eat less, owing to the amount you have to chew it, it is considered acatabolic food

Carrots are also another safe vegetable (although most vegetables can be on your safe list, these are merely the safest of the safe)

Salsa and mustard - dieting staples. You can dip vegetables in them, they are fat free and low cal, and salsa brings cravings to an abrupt halt.

Spicy foodsare also thought to fire up your metabolism

Vinegar - thought to thoroughly reduce your appetite. It is suggested you drink a tablespoon or two before each meal.

Lemons dipped in a sugar substitute such as Splenda or Nutrasweet. (note: In some anorexia circles, even fruit is no good, besides oranges, which are a 50cal food)

Broth (only 5 calories per cube!!)

Egg white - much needed protein

Pickles

Lettuce - an absolute 'nothing' food

Cucumbers - very very low cal

Soup

Safe foods are merely foods that are safe to eat if you are craving foods outside your set meals. They are extremely low cal, or no cal. As for your actual daily intake of food, most wannabe anorexics tend to stick within the 500 - 1000 calorie range depending on how much exercise they do. Never be shy when it comes to considering taking certain drugs to reduce or diminish appetite. Some antidepressant medication such as Wellbutrin have this effect, as well as Topamax, which is originally an anti-convulsive but has been and can be prescribed for things such as ADD and bipolar disorder. Steal your little brother's ADD medication. Dexedrine is gold when it comes to killing appetite. Just ignore the paranoia and nervousness that comes with it. Think about diet pills and supplements such as Metabolife and Ephedra.

Day to day

Now we move on to the ever important area of ritual and habits, tips & tricks, to get down to a science.

Graze constantly throughout the day so that your metabolism never gets the chance to rest and become sluggish. Eating 100 calories five times a day is better than eating one meal consisting of 500 calories.

Fool your metabolism by constantly changing the number of calories you consume daily. This will prevent your body going into starvation mode, meaning that lesser amounts of calories will make you gain weight. For instance, eat 500 calories on Monday, 100 on Tuesday, 800 on Wednesday, no calories on Thursday, and 400 calories on Friday.

Get a full night's sleep, at least eight hours. Although staying up late does make you burn more calories, don't become sleep-deprived or your metabolism will become sleepy. Your appetite will even increase by 15%.

Record everything you eat in your anorexia notebook. This serves to motivate you, as well as to be aware of all the extra calories you may not be aware you are consuming. It may also let you identify emotional or environmental triggers, such as boredom or sadness.

Take vitamin pills frequently so your body doesn't crave nutrients, causing binges.

Diet coke and other diet sodas cause that bubbly, full feeling in your stomach, for about 1 calorie per glass.

Brush your teeth and tongue all the time. The feeling in your mouth will ease cravings and additionally, food will taste yukky with toothpaste, so whats the point of eating it?

Drink water like a fish. Drink a glass of water, or a diet soda, every hour on the hour. Drink water every time you have the urge to snack. Ice water is better because your body will burn more calories to heat it up. Drink water with meals to prevent overeating. Bear in mind that often we mistake thirst for hunger.

Caffeine will speed up your metabolism. Have two or three servings a day, in the form of black sugarless coffee, or caffeine pills, or guarana. If stacked with ephedra and aspirin, a synergistic effect will occur that imitates the effects of speed or other amphetamines. Do be aware that this practice can be rather dangerous.

Exercise. Not only will you burn off the calories you consume when you do eat, but it will increase your metabolism for some time afterwards. As well, the consequential muscle mass will increase the calories you burn at rest. It also suppresses appetite. Try running, or buy yourself a skipping rope.

Stand up and move about constantly. Compulsively fidget. It does add up to an estimated extra 500 calories burned a day. Twitch your leg while studying, for example. Also, sit up straight - you'll burn more calories.

Have a very busy and active schedule. It will burn more calories than sitting in your room thinking about not eating, and make sure you don't have enough time to binge.

Find a something other than food to satisfy your oral fixation. Choices include things like smoking, chewing gum, water, iced tea, sugarless mints, and diet coke.

Put a small coin in a jar every time you resist a craving, or exercise when majorly exhausted, etc. This will motivate you, build up confidence in your starving abilities, and keep track of your successes. As well as give you extra cash to splurge on some fantastical treat when you reach your first major weight loss goal.

The type of music you listen to while you eat affects how much and how quickly you consume. The faster the music, the more you eat. Try to listen to nice slow music when you eat.

Eat sweets and the foods you crave early on in the day. This will give you more time to burn them off and it will eliminate cravings later.

Eat while in the front of the mirror naked. You will be completely repulsed, and repelled from the food. This is a good thing.

Feel your hunger..don't try to suppress it. If you're hungry that means you're losing weight; you WANT to be hungry. If you're not then you're not doing it right. In time you will get a wonderful high off of being hungry and thoroughly enjoy the sensation. Hunger is not your enemy! The sooner this is understood, the sooner you will reach your goals.

Did you know that there are 2 pounds of dead skin on you right now!!?! Thats right! 2 POUNDS! ...if you're underweight or in starvation mode your body does not "shed" its skin the way it should. It holds on to it. Use an exfoliator for your face, and a loofah brush or scrub for your body. Make a stack of magazines that weighs the amount you want to lose. As you lose, take off the appropriate amount of magazines. Seeing the weight like that may help you realise what a difference it will make when it is all off. When you're feeling weak Here are some things which will help when your willpower is very feeble, to ward off the urge to eat, or worse, binge!

Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.

Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.

Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.

If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.

The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.

Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.

If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.

If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away! (Anorexics are known for retrieving food from bins, or stealing food from strange places).

Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.

Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you.

Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.

Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.

Become a teenage artist. Write anorexic poetry, tragic little verses about bones and stomachs and evil evil capsicums. Anorexics are ever so creative.

Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook. Draw pictures of painful bony girls with tear stained faces and their head in their hands (their spines sticking out). This will take up most of your time.

Hiding it

Anorexia is supposed to be a private and tortured place, dontcha know. Deny it at all costs. Pretend you have not noticed the pounds dropping off you. Don't be suspicious. Here are some relevant tips:

Spend time making yourself look healthy.

Drink lots of water and apply a fake tan.

Wear makeup so that you have some colour, and keep your hair looking nice and shiny, take vitamins.

Smile.

Whenever you do decide to eat, do it in the company of others.

That way they can't say they never see you touch food.

On your way out, heat up a slice of pizza or prepare a snack to 'eat on the run'.

Of course, you will dispose of the food at your first convenience.

Leave a dirty plate lying around every so often for your parents to yell at you about.

Drink out of opaque cups, and spit your food into it whilst preteding to drink. They'll never know.

Eat really slowly because if everybody else is on their third slice of pizza, they'll assume you are too, even if you're still finishing your first.

Sign out of Hotmail and clear the history before you get off of the Internet. This will eliminate autofill being ever so helpful while your mum is researching aardvarks, and coming up with www.anorexicsanonymous.com for her. In short, don't leave traces lying around for others to find.

I trust that this guide to becoming a better anorexic will serve you well on your quest to being emaciated and ahem, gorgeous.

Remember, think thin, and try not to faint too often or die.

#an@rexi@

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nasa · 7 months

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For the Benefit of All: Assistive Tech Developed from NASA Tech

What do modern cochlear implants and robotic gloves have in common? They were derived from NASA technology. We’ve made it easier to find and use our patented inventions that could help create products that enhance life for people with disabilities.

October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, which highlights the contributions of American workers with disabilities – many of whom use assistive technology on the job. Take a look at these assistive technologies that are NASA spinoffs.

Low-Vision Headsets

The Joint Optical Reflective Display (JORDY) device is a headset that uses NASA image processing and head-mounted display technology to enable people with low vision to read and write. JORDY enhances individuals’ remaining sight by magnifying objects up to 50 times and allowing them to change contrast, brightness, and display modes. JORDY's name was inspired by Geordi La Forge, a blind character from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” whose futuristic visor enabled him to see.

Cochlear Implants

Work that led to the modern cochlear implant was patented by a NASA engineer in the 1970s. Following three failed corrective surgeries, Adam Kissiah combined his NASA electronics know-how with research in the Kennedy Space Center technical library to build his own solution for people with severe-to-profound hearing loss who receive little or no benefit from hearing aids. Several companies now make the devices, which have been implanted in hundreds of thousands of people around the world.

Robotic Gloves

Ironhand, from Swedish company Bioservo Technologies, is the world’s first industrial-strength robotic glove for factory workers and others who perform repetitive manual tasks. It helps prevent stress injuries but has been especially warmly received by workers with preexisting hand injuries and conditions. The glove is based on a suite of patents for the technology developed by NASA and General Motors to build the hands of the Robonaut 2 humanoid robotic astronaut.

Smart Glasses

Neurofeedback technology NASA originally developed to improve pilots’ attention has been the basis for products aimed at helping people manage attention disorders without medication. The devices measure brainwave output to gauge attention levels according to the “engagement index” a NASA engineer created. Then, they show the results to users, helping them learn to voluntarily control their degree of concentration. One such device is a pair of smart glasses from Narbis, whose lenses darken as attention wanes.

Anti-Gravity Treadmills

A NASA scientist who developed ways to use air pressure to simulate gravity for astronauts exercising in space had the idea to apply the concept for the opposite effect on Earth. After licensing his technology, Alter-G Inc. developed its anti-gravity G-Trainer treadmill, which lets users offload some or all of their weight while exercising. The treadmills can help people recover from athletic or brain injuries, and they allow a safe exercise regimen for others with long-term conditions such as arthritis.

Wireless Muscle Sensors

Some of the most exciting assistive technologies to spin off may be yet to come. Delsys Inc. developed electromyographic technology to help NASA understand the effects of long-term weightlessness on astronauts’ muscles and movements. Electromyography detects and analyzes electrical signals emitted when motor nerves trigger movement. Among the company’s customers are physical therapists developing exercise routines to help patients recover from injuries. But some researchers are using the technology to attempt recoveries that once seemed impossible, such as helping paralyzed patients regain movement, letting laryngectomy patients speak, and outfitting amputees with artificial limbs that work like the real thing.

To further enhance the lives of people with disabilities, NASA has identified a selection of patented technologies created for space missions that could spur the next generation of assistive technology here on Earth.

Want to learn more about assistive technologies already in action? Check out NASA Spinoff to find products and services that wouldn’t exist without space exploration.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

#NASA #space #tech #technology #spinoff #robotics #physical therapy #disability #disabled #accessibility #a11y #inventions

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onceuponatown · 5 months

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The history of Christmas traditions kept evolving throughout the 19th century, when most of the familiar components of the modern Christmas including St. Nicholas, Santa Claus, and Christmas trees, became popular. The changes in how Christmas was celebrated were so profound that it's safe to say someone alive in 1800 would not even recognize the Christmas celebrations held in 1900.

Washington Irving and St. Nicholas

Early Dutch settlers of New York considered St. Nicholas to be their patron saint and practiced a yearly ritual of hanging stockings to receive presents on St. Nicholas Eve, in early December. Washington Irving, in his fanciful History of New York, mentioned that St. Nicholas had a wagon he could ride “over the tops of trees” when he brought “his yearly presents to children.”

The Dutch word “Sinterklaas” for St. Nicholas evolved into the English “Santa Claus,” thanks in part to a New York City printer, William Gilley, who published an anonymous poem referring to “Santeclaus” in a children’s book in 1821. The poem was also the first mention of a character based on St. Nicholas having a sleigh, in this case, pulled by a single reindeer.

Clement Clarke Moore and The Night Before Christmas

Perhaps the best-known poem in the English language is “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” or as it’s often called, “The Night Before Christmas.” Its author, Clement Clarke Moore, a professor who owned an estate on the west side of Manhattan, would have been quite familiar with the St. Nicholas traditions followed in early 19th century New York. The poem was first published, anonymously, in a newspaper in Troy, New York, on December 23, 1823.

Reading the poem today, one might assume that Moore simply portrayed the common traditions. Yet he actually did something quite radical by changing some of the traditions while also describing features that were entirely new.

For instance, the St. Nicholas gift giving would have taken place on December 5, the eve of St. Nicholas Day. Moore moved the events he describes to Christmas Eve. He also came up with the concept of “St. Nick” having eight reindeer, each of them with a distinctive name.

Charles Dickens and A Christmas Carol

The other great work of Christmas literature from the 19th century is A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. In writing the tale of Ebenezer Scrooge, Dickens wanted to comment on greed in Victorian Britain. He also made Christmas a more prominent holiday and permanently associated himself with Christmas celebrations.

Dickens was inspired to write his classic story after speaking to working people in the industrial city of Manchester, England, in early October 1843. He wrote A Christmas Carol quickly, and when it appeared in bookstores the week before Christmas 1843 it began to sell very well.

The book crossed the Atlantic and began to sell in America in time for Christmas 1844, and became extremely popular. When Dickens made his second trip to America in 1867 crowds clamored to hear him read from A Christmas Carol. His tale of Scrooge and the true meaning of Christmas had become an American favorite. The story has never been out of print, and Scrooge is one of the best-known characters in literature.

Santa Claus Drawn by Thomas Nast

The famed American cartoonist Thomas Nast is generally credited as having invented the modern depiction of Santa Claus. Nast, who had worked as a magazine illustrator and created campaign posters for Abraham Lincoln in 1860, was hired by Harper’s Weekly in 1862. For the Christmas season, he was assigned to draw the magazine’s cover, and legend has it that Lincoln himself requested a depiction of Santa Claus visiting Union troops.

The resulting cover, from Harper’s Weekly dated January 3, 1863, was a hit. It shows Santa Claus on his sleigh, which has arrived at a U.S. Army camp festooned with a “Welcome Santa Claus” sign.

Santa’s suit features the stars and stripes of the American flag, and he’s distributing Christmas packages to the soldiers. One soldier is holding up a new pair of socks, which might be a boring present today, but would have been a highly prized item in the Army of the Potomac.

Beneath Nast's illustration was the caption, “Santa Claus In Camp.” Appearing not long after the carnage at Antietam and Fredericksburg, the magazine cover is an apparent attempt to boost morale in a dark time.

The Santa Claus illustrations proved so popular that Thomas Nast kept drawing them every year for decades. He is also credited with creating the notion that Santa lived at the North Pole and kept a workshop manned by elves. The figure of Santa Claus endured, with the version drawn by Nast becoming the accepted standard version of the character. By the early 20th century the Nast-inspired version of Santa became a very common figure in advertising.

Prince Albert and Queen Victoria Made Christmas Trees Fashionable

The tradition of the Christmas tree came from Germany, and there are accounts of early 19th century Christmas trees in America, but the custom wasn’t widespread outside German communities.

The Christmas tree first gained popularity in British and American society thanks to the husband of Queen Victoria, the German-born Prince Albert. He installed a decorated Christmas tree at Windsor Castle in 1841, and woodcut illustrations of the Royal Family’s tree appeared in London magazines in 1848. Those illustrations, published in America a year later, created the fashionable impression of the Christmas tree in upper-class homes.

By the late 1850s reports of Christmas trees were appearing in American newspapers. And in the years following the Civil War ordinary American households celebrated the season by decorating a Christmas tree.

The first electric Christmas tree lights appeared in the 1880s, thanks to an associate of Thomas Edison, but were too costly for most households. Most people in the 1800s lit their Christmas trees with small candles.

The First White House Christmas Tree

The first Christmas tree in the White House was displayed in 1889, during the presidency of Benjamin Harrison. The Harrison family, including his young grandchildren, decorated the tree with toy soldiers and glass ornaments for their small family gathering.

There are some reports of president Franklin Pierce displaying a Christmas tree in the early 1850s. But the stories of a Pierce tree are vague and there doesn't seem to be contemporaneous mentions in newspapers of the time.

Benjamin Harrison's Christmas cheer was closely documented in newspaper accounts. An article on the front page of the New York Times on Christmas Day 1889 detailed the lavish presents he was going to give his grandchildren. And though Harrison was generally regarded as a fairly serious person, he vigorously embraced the Christmas spirit.

Not all subsequent presidents continued the tradition of having a Christmas tree in the White House. By the middle of the 20th century, White House Christmas trees became established. And over the years it has evolved into an elaborate and very public production.

The first National Christmas Tree was placed on The Ellipse, an area just south of the White House, in 1923, and the lighting of it was presided over by President Calvin Coolidge. The lighting of the National Christmas Tree has become quite a large annual event, typically presided over by the current president and members of the First Family.

Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus

In 1897 an eight-year-old girl in New York City wrote to a newspaper, the New York Sun, asking if her friends, who doubted the existence of Santa Claus, were right. An editor at the newspaper, Francis Pharcellus Church, responded by publishing, on September 21, 1897, an unsigned editorial. The response to the little girl has become the most famous newspaper editorial ever printed.

The second paragraph is often quoted:

"Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS."

Church’s eloquent editorial asserting the existence of Santa Claus seemed a fitting conclusion to a century that began with modest observances of St. Nicholas and ended with the foundations of the modern Christmas season firmly intact.

By the end of the 19th century, the essential components of a modern Christmas, from Santa to the story of Scrooge to strings of electric lights were firmly established in America.

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#christmas #christmas tree #christmas traditions #victorian christmas #victorians

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little-mouse-gardens · 6 months

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Yandere vampire rottmnt au concept/idea

A rottmnt au that popped up in my head (romantic)

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, kidnapping (I do not condone this behavior in real life. I Do not condone anyone to do any of these actions in real life. this is only for entertainment purposes only.

I don’t normally do character x reader writing (mostly because I’m not great at it) I mostly do character x oc stuff.

However I got a random idea for yan vampire turtles au idea?

Thought about this a day or two ago and got some great ideas on discord. Saying thank you and Crediting at @lexiechr and @astral--horrorshow for inspiring some of my ideas!

Reader is an upcoming mystery thriller novel writer seeking inspiration for the next book they want to write who moves into the local village far, far away from the city.

Reader Hear legends about vampires and decided they want to stay a little while longer to write their novel and see what All the fuss is about and one night while they are out and about on some late night errand.

The turtles (separately) spot them and instantly fell in love with their personality, the way their eyes sparkle with emotions and the way they spoke. Making them want to make reader their bride. To love and to cherish them in their castle for the rest of eternity no matter who gets in the way. Suddenly reader notices strange things occurring around them that are quite hard to ignore.

- a local bookkeeper reader was talking to the other day? Suddenly disappears and is later found in the river. The only calling card being the turtles family name emblem carved into the bookeepers flesh. A dire warning to stay away.

- The turtles visiting reader outside their cozy cottage at night, talking with them. Trying to sweet talk them into letting them in and being theirs with equally sweet promises of love and anything reader desires. Though reader is clever enough to not let them in.

- the villagers suddenly being extra nice to reader. Offering them free things to them, letting them have special privileges, life is made easier for them. It’s very confusing to reader, but the villagers know they have to unless the turtles decide to go after them.

Reader, after another string of vampire based murders and disappearances, does their research on each of the turtles and discovers more information about them based on the emblem. Wandering into the local library one late evening and finding a book on them.

The turtles are a bloodline of vampires that dated back for many years.

- Raphael, dubbed as the brawn’s of his brothers and the most feared by the town. Actively known to hunt down and brutally maul people and livestock. Occasionally steals soft things like fabrics and plushies. However he is the only one recorded to have actually spared some peoples life

- Leonardo, the charmer. Everyone in town knows his tricks, he charms and flirts with his victims before delivering the finale blow. Has been known to enter the local tavern when it’s not busy, or even steal from local tailors and jewelers to buy new shiny expensive things to add to his collection or himself.

- Donatello the mad scientist. The second most feared. His methods are simple, grab and torture his prey with his experiments in his laboratory. Villagers will not hesitate to give him the things he needs and or wants for his inventions. Leaving them outside their homes at night in an effort to get him to leave them alone.

- Mikey the artist, he will use his victims blood to decorate the streets with messages to taunt those who don’t give him what he wants. Sweet but not unwilling to cause mass chaos. Every craft store and bakery will always find something missing by morning, and sometimes he will leave different paintings on the walls of the town as a reward for their offerings.

Then, reader leaves the library that night, they are kidnapped by the turtles (separately) and brought back to their castle to be their partner for life. Promising to make them immortal, to give them all the love and joy they possibly can and making the clear vow that they won’t escape them.

However reader is clever and determined to find their way out. Even if it means playing along for now.

- Forcing themselves to Cuddle with raph and accepting his gifts and tokens of affection

- letting Leonardo shower them in compliments, dolling them up in silks and jewels while they compliment him on his attributes

- listening to Donnie speak of his inventions and praising his genius no matter how diabolical it may seem

- painting with Mikey, eating all the treats and snacks he makes them while he paints their portrait

The ultimate sacrifice for reader, other than their freedom, is to let the turtles have a taste of their blood and agreeing to be their partner for life. The turtles (separately) are much more gentle with reader, or at least they try to be.

- they’ll make sure reader comfortable. Each turtle (separately) will praise them for being brave and shower reader with compliments, cuddles, gifts after they finish. Soft blankets, their favorite snack or comfort food, a nice warm bath scented with flowers. Name it and reader can have it so long as the turtles get a taste.

Each yan vampire turtle has a different wing in their castle. Each with a specific set of theme colors and decor. Each place being huge, full of secrets for reader to uncover and secret entrances for them to potentially use so long as they don’t get caught.

Leonardo’s wing = Soft blues. Golds and silvers. Jewels encrusted everywhere you go, silks arranged around as if you were walking through a kings palace. So many drapes and screens that make it very Easy to hide what isn’t meant to be see. All the jewels and fine clothes for him to dress reader in. To shower them with compliments and sweet promises, making sure that his beloved will never want to go looking for the secret passages in the castle

Donatellos wing of the palace = Reader never dares to get to deep into his Lab, lest they find the many remains of the missing villagers turned into something sick and twisted. Donatello prefers to keep his beloved partner close to his side, showering them with endless gadgets and gizmos to impress them. Keep them distracted and their interest away from his sources of food and morbid curiosity that would put victor Frankenstein to shame.

Raphael’s wing = His halls are expansive, almost never ending. A place for the brute of the vampire brothers to wander at ease, lest his rage be incited. Rooms full of soft things and others full of little objects he collects. Objects he will gladly show and shower reader with if it means they’ll stay with him as his bride for all eternity.

Mikey’s wing = All down the halls, throughout every room reader will find art of all kinds. All of which he painted, sculpted and crafted himself with delicate yet skilled hands. He will spoil the, with all the beautiful sights and delicious smells. How can they search for the secret corridors out if they’re too distracted by Mikey’s art and him forcing them to sit for another portrait or sculpture? Or making them try all the fine delicious foods and drinks?

Most of the time reader is able to get alone time, which would be when they leave at night. Though occasionally one will stay behind to watch them, reader mostly spends their time in the ornate guest room or exploring the shadowy halls of the old castle.

Using their clever mystery novelist mind to come up with plans of escape. Writing down things about their captors and potential routes of escape in a journal they keep under a floorboard beneath their bed.Reader is kept in the highest point in the castle. That Overlooks the village and forested mountains below. Reader can only see their freedom from a distance while they bide their time.

Now, if reader managed to escape? All hell would break loose. Reader running for their life and packing any important belongings to get out of town while the loud roars and shouts of the turtles don’t linger too far behind.

- Raphael wouldn’t hesitate to reign destruction upon the village in a blind panic rage. Demanding his beloved be returned to him unless this whole town gets stomped down to the ground.

- Leonardo who is portaling to every corner of the town and nearby woods to get his beloved home safely or even threatening to portal the villagers into the gator infested swamps and wolf infested forests unless someone spills the details.

- Donatello who actively starts torturing people until someone gives him answers on where his darling went to

- Mikey who is literally using his powers to tear apart houses and farms looking for his lover

No place is left unturned, and it wouldn’t shock reader if the villagers came hunting after them to bring them back or snitched about their where about’s and to be honest, reader couldn’t blame them either.

Once and if reader is brought back to them, they are never let out of their sight if they can help it. If reader wasn't smothered before, they’ll definitely be smothered now and the wedding date will be bumped up closer from a year to a few months time.

Anyways, that’s just my random take on it. Hope you guys enjoy!

#rottmnt #vampire au #yandere rottmnt #yandere donnie #yandere donatello #yandere leonardo #yandere michelangelo #yandere raphael #vampire Donatello #vampire raph #vampire Leonardo #vampire Michelangelo #yandere tmnt x reader #rottmnt x reader #headcanon #rise of the tmnt #tcest dni

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stargazing15 · 2 years

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Girlfriend

Hangman x Fem!Reader

Summary: You really don’t like Hangman’s girlfriend, why did it have to be your high school bully. You were not the shy girl anymore from your high school days, so you had to do something about that girlfriend.

Your callsign: Cider

Warnings: Hangman is an idiot (in the beginning, he’ll come to his senses), cursing, mentions of bullying, smut 18+

A/N: Inspired by the songs Girlfriend from Avril Lavigne and Misery Business by Paramore; you’re a wso, graduated together with Bob, who’s like your twin. (For the story: you grew up in a town that about a 2 hour drive from base). This is my first time writing smut, so bare with me. Oh and sorry, things got way out of hand. Enjoy!

***

High school reunions, who invented them? Until two days ago you were convinced you were not going, until Bob, your best friend since the academy, convinced you otherwise to show your bullies they were wrong. You had changed dramatically after high school, you were not that shy wallflower anymore that was an easy target to pick on. You had grown some serious balls in the Navy, you were not obnoxious loud as Hangman, but you could stand your ground when it was necessary. In the dagger-squad, you and bob became a mischievous duo, pulling off pranks with the rest. This is how the two of you became known as the twins. People had asked if you two had tried dating, which you did, but kissing each other had felt like kissing your sibling so you both reacted with a “tried that, failed terribly” at the same time. The squad had become a big family where you felt welcomed, but was the only one who knew about your time in high school.

Now, here you were, back at the gate of your high school, with sweaty hands, letting the awful memories sink in. Your thoughts went back to reality when you felt your phone buzz in your purse.

“Okay, here we go” you thought as you entered the school. Everything still looked the same, just a bit modernised.

Bob🤓: OWN them!

Bob🤓: I can hear your thoughts all the way over here, snap out of it dude

You: Yeah yeah, if they're mean, I'll accidentally send a missile towards them during our next exercise.

Bob🤓: That's what I'm talking about! Have fun!

You’d hoped to see Trudy, she was the secretary during your time at high school and helped you through your worst days as she once heard some of your classmates going down at you. The bullying was never physical, they belittled you, called names, embarrass you in front of everyone, it was just awful. As you let your eyes wander around you noted a lady behind a table welcoming everyone, but she’s too young to be Trudy, as she might have reached retirement age.

“Hi, can I have your name, so we know who’s here” the lady smiled, you didn’t recognise her.

“Oh, that’s Y/L/N Y/N.”

“I’m Daphne, I’m the new secretary since 4 years. Partner?”

“That explains why you don’t seem familiar, nice to meet you and no, just me.”

“Have a nice evening, and maybe, you’ll find someone nice here.” She winked at you.

“We’ll see.” You smiled at her. But I doubt that you thought. As you let your eyes scan the people around the room, you already found out where to go and which people to avoid. After joining a nice group, you started to feel at ease as they started to tell their stories. When it was your turn, you had everyone’s attention immediately as your career was the most exiting one.

“The Navy did you good, you’ve changed for the better.”

“Thanks” you smiled as you kept on chattering about your job, the pilots (the girls in the group were very interested in this topic) and fighter jets (the guys were hanging on your lips when you were describing how it felt flying with one).

“Do you have one those names?”

“Ha, yes, it’s Cider”

“Nice, how did you get that?”

“You don’t wanna now” you smirked. Nope, no one needed to hear your drunken of hungover stories.

“Oh my God, the bitches have arrived.” Nate, one of the ‘nerds’ back in the day, noticed.

“They’re as pink and annoying as I remember” you scoffed. Please let them not come here, I want a nice evening. But they were making their way over to your group. Oh fuck

“Who do we have here, the nerds and the uglies. I can’t believe some of you found partners. Poor you.” Ashley, one of them, started.

“Ashley, Melissa, Lucy, hello.” You hoped by taking the word they would leave the rest of the group alone.

“And you are?” Melissa, your worst bully replied.

“What you can’t read, I thought you graduated high school. Did you really forget who you bullied?”

“You won’t talk like that anymore when you see my boyfriend, you’ll be scared of him.”

“Oooh I’m shitting in my pants already, maybe you should be the one who’s scared.” You couldn’t help yourself to keep Bob in the loop.

“How dare you even talk back to me, you, you” You just smirked back at her, she really was not used to somebody talking back, you loved this new feeling and the fact they were staring in disbelief of the reformed you. Your moment of joy got interrupted when Melissa started jumping up and down like the nutjob she was “My hero, I’m here! This, this bitch here was insulting me, can you do something about it?” As you turned around to see which unlucky guy her boyfriend was, you almost let your drink fall on the ground.

You: the bitches have arrived

You: & I should be scared of her boyfriend 😱

Bob🤓: Ha bitch doesn't know you anymore

You: Let's kick her ass

“Hangman” You looked at him with a puzzled look and you couldn’t help to notice a blush creeping up his cheeks as he noticed you, not in your uniform. You had one massive secret that even Bob didn’t know (or at least you hoped he hadn’t noticed it), you were deeply in love with Hangman. The endless teasing of him - he was teasing everyone so you thought - with the pranks you and Bob did and sometimes scaring the shit out of him, made you enjoying his company a little too much an hoping he would ever notice you. But all your hopes got crushed a couple of weeks ago when he announced he had a girlfriend. When you congratulated him you hoped he wouldn’t notice your disappointment. You quickly grabbed your phone and kept Bob up to date.

“Cider, hi, I didn’t expect to see you here, you look good.” Hangman blushed. Oh it’s the first he’s seeing me wearing a dress, maybe I could use this. Bob was the best confidence booster there was. Apparently he knew about your crush, but you didn’t care at this moment about that as you and Hangman were still staring at each other, forgetting for a moment that there were other people around you. What you didn’t know was that Hangman had always loved you too. When he met you, you were still shy, but he, just as the rest, thought you and Bob were an item so didn’t dare to do anything. After you and Bob made clear that the two of you could never be an item, he couldn’t help himself and started teasing you even more, just so he could get your attention as he secretly liked to be the prank target of you and Bob. He just didn’t dare to confess his love to you, in fear of rejection, yes the mighty Hangman could be afraid. But Hangman was still a man and had his needs, so when he met Melissa in a bar, he hoped just for one night, but the girl had already announced the next morning she was his girlfriend. The only way to keep up with the relationship was imagining she was you.

You: it’s Bagman

Bob🤓: WTF! you're fucked dude

You: I wish I was

Bob🤓: Ha busted

Bob🤓: go for him, you're better

“So, Melissa, that’s your girlfriend. Jeez Hangman.” You looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“You two know each other? And his name is Jake you dumbass. ” Melissa broke you and Hangman out your moment.

“Navy” you commented.

“How’s that possible, you mop floors or what? At least you’re good for something then.” She tried to be the smartest, but instead got warning looks from Hangman.

“Nah, I’m a WSO, I aim the missiles, so watch your back.” You smirked at her, even Hangman couldn’t to laugh at your comment, he wan’t going to admit it yet, but he loved you like this. After your last comment Melissa ran crying with her clique to the toilets, probably hoping Jake would follow, but she was dead wrong about that.

“I’m so sorry about her Cider, I didn’t know she was that mean.”

“You do realise that she was my high school bully?” You asked while crossing your arms sternly.

“Oh shit, and I poured some salt in that wound by becoming her boyfriend, I’m sorry, I honestly didn’t know. But I’ve gotta say, you certainly became mouthy, I like that.”

With your newly gained confidence and the last comment Hangman made you couldn’t help yourself anymore.

“What do you actually see in her, I mean why her?” Hangman started to look at his feet becoming all shy in front of you. You finally had him where you wanted.

“Why her and not…” you paused for a second, fighting with everything you had in you to not let your brain chicken you out of it. “Me?” Hangman looked at you, something in him started to shift, like he realised what kind of big mistake he has made.

“I don’t like your girlfriend.” You added, hoping he would finally say something. Like some sort of gift from heaven, Melissa came back, mascara spread out, finally the tables were turned around.

“Jake, we need to talk, you cannot talk anymore to that bully, do you know what she has put me through?” She stood in front of Hangman arms crossed and standing on her toes hoping to get a kiss from him. At this moment the odds started to like you, a lot. Hangman’s attitude changed, he just put his finger on her pouty mouth.

“Melissa, sweetheart, there is something you don’t know. I don’t date bullies of your type.”

“What? How could you even say something like that, I’m the victim here!” She interrupted him.

“Jeez, you’re annoying.” You interrupted their breakup session.

“Y/N is right about that. Oh and now that there are witnesses here, it’s over.” Those words have meant everything to you. “And don’t disrespect her ever again.” You could honestly kiss the man right here right now, let’s just say the past was now forgotten and buried as Melissa ran off crying. She finally got what she had coming.

“Cider, do you mind going outside for a minute?” Hangman asked nicely while already taking your hand in his. You nodded. Once outside and the cool evening breeze wrapped around you, you quickly slid on your jacket you had hanging on your purse.

“Cider, you look really good, I mean I’ve never seen you in anything else than your uniform. I like it.” Hangman confessed.

“Thanks Jake” you blushed. “Please call me Y/N, I like it when you use my name.”

“Same here, did you mean what you said earlier?”

“Yeah, I wished it was me. God, I feel like a teenager.” You said quietly almost whispering. Jake didn’t say something, as his brain was processing he had always hoped you’d say. Yup, the one and only Hangman was starstruck. You took a step closer to him so your chests almost touched as you kept looking in his eyes. Fuck, even on my toes, I’m too small to kiss him. There was only one solution to this little obstacle, so you just grabbed him by his face as you guided it to yours so your lips could collide. You felt Jake coming back to earth from his thoughts as he started to respond to your kiss by asking permission with his tongue to enter your mouth. As things started to get heated, you both felt your phone buzz. Apparently your purse got stuck between your bodies. “Fuck, must be Bob.” You panted after interrupting the kiss.

Bob🤓: did you kiss already?

You showed Jake the text, laughing at Bob’s timing.

“You guys really are twins.”

“Yeah, he’s the evil one, I swear, don’t be fooled by his looks. Let’s keep him in the dark for now.” You smiled while switching your phone to ‘do not disturb’.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Hangman asked, still with a dazed looked, sounding a bit drunken - yeah drunken on love.

“Uh yeah, of course.” He’s got you really curious now.

“The only way I was able to keep up the relationship with you know, was to imagine she was you, but she was such an awful kisser and the rest, well, that too.”

“Oh, basically, you need someone to forget the bad memories, huh?” You teased him.

“What, no, that’s not - oh you little tease come here.” He said when you started to run away from him, but he immediately caught you and started tickling you until you surrendered.

“I’m gonna ask you officially. Y/N do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“You just broke up with your ex, you’re a fast man mister Hangman.” You teased him, he used to tease you a lot, so you were even now. “Yes, I want to be you girlfriend Jake.” You said while wrapping your arms around his neck. He took the signal and lifted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. Like this it was way easier for you to kiss him, so you did.

“You’re becoming bold.” Jake said while kissing you. “Love it though.” As the kissing started to get heated Jake made his way to the nearest wall. He pushed your back against the wall, resulting in a small groan escaping from your lips. Jake started exploring you body with one hand as the other one kept you in place. When he started kissing down your neck, you got back to the realisation you were still in you former high school. “Ja.. Jake, uh, fuck, we, we can’t here” you were able to murmur out while enjoying Jake’s kisses a little too much.

“You don’t want to get fucked in your high school? Why are you so addicting?” He stopped kissing you looking at you with eyes filled with lust.

“If we would’ve been together for a while, I wouldn’t mind. I just, still hate this place.” You said while burying your face his neck so you could take in his scent. “I booked an airbnb nearby, I didn’t want to drive for 2 hours at this hour.

"Smart girl, let’s get out of here.” Jake already had your hand in his as he started dragging you out of the school.

“Wait up horndog, I took a cab here, my car is still at the airbnb, your car here?”

“Yup, came apart, in case it got boring, or exciting, as you can describe it now.” You both smirked at his last comment, this man was going to be the death of you. As you reached his car, he pushed you against it and started kissing you again, it started with hungry kisses on your neck lowering to your chest where they started becoming more aggressive and probably be hickeys in the morning. He let his hands first roam around and squish your butt as he finally started assaulting your mouth with hungry kisses again. You couldn’t help yourself anymore as you pulled his leg between yours in need to feel some friction. “Fuck, Jake” you moaned.

“That sound … stop me now, or we never gonna make back to your airbnb, Jesus you’re so much better than I’ve imagined.” Knowing he was right, you broke off you moment of pleasure to grab his keys out of his pocket, he always kept his keys at the same place, you’ve been, let’s say observant. After typing in the address, Jake kept his hand on your upper thigh during the drive.

“I would have never guessed you were this hot, when I met the shy you.”

“You know what they say about the quiet ones.” You commented with a big grin, resulting in Jake sliding his hand under your dress dangerously close to your throbbing area. You could only moan under his touch.

“Fuck Cider, you’re lucky we’re almost there. If I knew you could sound this heavenly I would’ve taken you a very long time ago and I wouldn’t have made the Melissa-mistake.”

“I swear to God, if you mention her one more time, you’re gonna have blue balls tonight.”

“Duly noted. We’re here.” You rapidly made your way out of his car so you could open the door, before you even got the chance to turn on the light, Jake was already in front of you lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around him and picking up where you left off.

“Bedroom?”

“Second left. Hurry.” you mumbled in between kisses.

“Are we getting impatient?” Hangman couldn’t get enough of you being all hot and bothered for him. He softly laid you on the bed removing your and his shoes. When he joined you on the bed, you quickly straddled his lap taking the lead getting a surprised “Whoa babe” from Hangman but he certainly didn’t mind it. After removing his shirt you need a second to admire his torso up close at what you couldn’t help but licking your lips. “I don’t wanna boost your ego, but you’re hot as fuck like this under me.” You felt Hangman’s erection get even harder, if that was even possible, underneath you. You started kissing him again, you felt him groping your ass and eventually getting his hands under your dress.

“This, off.” As he tugged on your dress. You quickly got out of it and tossed it somewhere on the ground, you felt Jake wiggle himself from underneath you so he could take off his trousers leaving him too in just his underwear. Now Jake back in control removed your bra and panties a little too easily and laid you on your back so he could admire his girl.

“All mine now.” Even though you were quite confident a moment earlier, you started feeling a bit uneasy being fully exposed to him. Realising you were feeling shy he started peppering sweet kisses all over your body to keep your mind off overthinking. As his kisses were arriving at your thigh, he started sucking on the spots where he left first planted kisses, marking you up, leaving you moaning his name. When he spread your legs, your shyness was not completely gone yet, so you had to come up with something to boost yourself.

“Why I’m a the only one naked?”

“Does my girl wanna see the merchandise?” You nodded eagerly. When he slid his boxers off, your mouth fell open at the sight of his thick shaft slapping to his stomach. Fuck he’s big. Before you could say or do anything else Jake was back between your legs.

“Wait, Jake, can you, uhm, take it easy, it’s been a while, I’m dry like a desert. And fuck, you’re gonna rip me apart with that thing.”

“Dry like a desert, yeah right, I can see that. You’re so wet baby.” Jake smirked while teasing your clit. “Jake” you moaned. “Only for you.” you could gasp as he slid one finger between your folds. He pumped his finger in and out of you and he started kissing and sucking on your nipples. “Ja.. Jake” you moaned, sounding more desperate than intended. “More, please.” “Yes, darling, anything for you.” and he added one more finger and hitting that wonderful spot. You couldn’t even scream anymore as you felt yourself getting closer to your orgasm.

“Close?” He asked sweetly but eyes completely filled with lust, you nodded as you were trying to moan a yes. His next action caught you off guard. He stopped abusing your nipples and started sucking your clit to send you completely over the edge while you grabbed his hair. Jake felt your walls clench around his fingers as you orgasmed. “I almost came just from your moans, you’ve got any idea how fucking sexy you are?” You smiled at his confession “That would be so hot.” You admitted coming down from your high.

“Do you have condoms? I didn’t bring any, I needed an excuse with you know” Hangman said while scratching the back of his neck.

Maybe in my bag, one sec.” As you rummaged in your bag you found an envelop with ‘just in case’ written on it and a small note with drawn glasses on it “fucking Bob” you told Jake as you threw the envelop to him. Joining Jake back on the bed, you took the condom out of his hands and ripped the package open with your teeth. After lazily stoking him a few times, you rolled the condom on his shaft and you could just wish he was in you already.

“Lay down for me baby.” You did as you were told. Jake let his hands roam around your body, admiring once again what was finally his now. Letting your hands stop at your tits, he cupped them and played with them. “They’re so pretty, they fit way too perfect in my hands.”

“Don’t tease, please. Fuck me.” “Getting eager there baby?” You nodded, he didn’t need to be told twice to start fucking you into oblivion. He entered your pussy carefully while massaging your thighs, “So perfect, so warm, you okay?” “One sec, adjusting” You panted out, Jake started kissing you passionately to give you time to adjust, the man definitely knew how to take care of a woman. When you felt ready a couple of seconds later, you nodded in the heated kiss, hoping he would get the message. He did get it as you felt him thrusting in you, at first he was careful, but after you started moaning he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. “Fuck, you take me in so well, you’re so, so perfect.” Jake said while pounding in you like an animal and you didn’t mind it at all. As loud moans and skin slapping were filling the bedroom, you were both getting close. So Jake focused on letting you come first by giving your clit some extra stimulation while pounding into you. As your orgasm hits you, you screamed his name out of the top of your lungs, what send him over the edge too, you felt his dick twitch in you as he filled the condom. Jake immediately collapsed on top you murmuring “I think I might love you, best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, you’re just here for the sex.” You played along.

“Duh, what did you expect” Jake laughed at your comment, “that door the bathroom?” you nodded “one sec, be right back for you.”

You got up on your elbows to see what he was doing, but you knew it as soon as you heard water in the sink.

“Come here, let’s clean you up.” Yeah, you were never letting go of him.

After cleaning you up, you were both still naked laying on the bed opposite to each other, staring in each other eyes still enjoying what just happened, when it got interrupted by the buzzing of Jake’s phone.

“Melissa, let her. I’ve got someone way better here.” Hangman said as he moved over, now back on top of you. “Ready for another round baby girl?”

The next morning when you woke up, you hoped everything that happened last night was not a dream and as soon as you tried to move under the sheets, you knew it was very real. Maybe the two of you should’ve stopped after round 3, but you were both too addicted to one other.

“Morning sunshine.” Hangman said with a rasp voice and he looked ridiculously cute with his hair sticking to 100 different directions.

“Morning” You said while kissing your nose. “I’m so sore Hangman, but last night was so good, thank you.”

“Come here baby” You snuggled in his embrace. “I love you Cider, I mean it.”

“I love you too.” You replied happily.

“I’m never dating a civilian again, I love your stamina, the things the Navy is good for.” He smiled.

“So you think you’ll ever get the chance to date someone else?” You slapped his arm that was wrapped around you playfully.

“Nah, you’ll be able satisfy me for the rest of my life.”

“Jake, last night…” “Was amazing, I know.” He interrupted you.

“That’s true” you laughed, “I think during round three, did you, pick up the phone while you were fucking me?”

“That might have happened.” He blushed as he thought back what he did and he very much liked the memory. “She wouldn’t stop calling, so why not let her hear what I was doing and I have a very good explanation for it.

“So that’s why you were screaming my name extra loud. And what’s your explanation?”

“I was Cider-drunk.”

“JAKE! What? You big idiot.” you almost fell off the bed from laughing.

“Your idiot and as I recall, you didn’t mind it. Wait, what did you scream most of the night? Jake, yes right there, oh fuck.” He tried mimicking you, but with an extremely slutty tone to it.

“Mister Jake Seresin, you dirty fucker” you grinned “but indeed, I did not mind at all, that was actually the best revenge ever.” You said before kissing him.

When you took your phone to turn off the do not disturb-mode you notice the notifications from Bob, he tried calling you 3 times and a dozens of texts asking if you were still alive and if he needed to murder anyone.

You: Still alive, phone died :) No time now, gonna head out the bnb.

Bob didn’t need to know the details from last night yet. “Come, shower time, we have to leave this place in two hours and with the mess we made, we need the time.”

“Y/N, we should prank Bob when we get back.”

“Yup, and I think I already have idea how.”

#jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #hangman #hangman x reader #top gun: maverick #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x reader #hangman x y/n #jake seresin x y/n #hangman x you #hangman fic #jake seresin smut #jake seresin imagine

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twistedkans · 8 months

Text

j’en ai rêvé (part one)

→ Yandere! Neuvillette x Reader in which he receives a mysterious letter...

Warnings: Fontaine Spoilers? Not really. Dragon! Neuvillette, Reader isn’t human. Also writing this before the rest of the AQ is completed. (As of 4.0) Characters: Neuvillette, Sedene, + mysterious admirer... Word Count: 620 (A/N: I haven’t written something in a long time and I am quite sick but I hope this will suffice! The title is inspired off of the French rendition of ‘Once Upon A Dream’! :) Also, this is relatively slow-burn for this first part, but it will get more yandere later on. I promise! (Well, hopefully.) -🪞) Comment below if you would like to be added to the taglist.

The envelope being creased in the places that the Melusine had usually handled wasn't a surprise in the slightest to the Chief Justice, but how the paper was presented. It appeared to be tinted a sky blue with tasteful gold and white accents, a wax seal of a Romatime flower symbol pressed onto the back. When he opened the envelope, a dewy and aromatic perfume graced his sharp nostrils, surprising him.

It certainly wasn’t quite like any of the numerous letters of complaint and formal documents that sat neatly on his desk. It wasn’t like he hadn’t received such things before, but most of the time they were never forwarded to him. Most of the time, they contained feelings of confession or bribery within. And most of the time, his attendants weeded them out and threw them in the waste bin.

Why had this one been forwarded to him?

Curiosity festered in his mind, and he drew out the letter with a steady hand. This one hadn’t been typed up on one of the latest and most popular inventions in Fontaine, rather handwritten in a neat and calligraphic penmanship.

Greetings, Monsieur Neuvillette!

It is such a pleasure to know that this letter has graced your prestigious eyes, as I have made sure that no other being has touched this parchment other than you and I.

I am writing to you in great concern, as I have noticed that the rain storms have been very frequent and quite intense. While I usually do not mind the water, the amount and times it has been occurring is a little worrying. Have you been doing alright? Probably not.

I wish I could give you more care directly, but all I can say is that you are one of the strongest people I know, and I know it must be hard to keep being that way with how demanding your job is, even if you do not show your vulnerability outright. I know you feel that something is amiss.

Dry your tears, hydro dragon. Do not worry about yourself any longer.

I am here for you, and will watch over you as best as I can.

Warm regards,

Romatime.

(P.S. No need to write back! Fret not, I shall meet you soon.)

Neuvillette felt chills go down his spine, blankly staring at the contents of the letter. How did they know of his identity? How did they know of his feelings so well? He thought he had done a good job at hiding it, the only people knowing of this being Focalors and a select few of the Melusine that have heard his weeping from behind closed doors. Their ears were always sensitive to noise, no matter how muffled it may be.

He stood up from his cushioned seat, robe tassels touching the floor as he made his way to the door, and called for Sedene. She rushed over as quickly as she could, leaving her station, and approached his side.

“Yes, Monsieur Neuvillette? Whatever you need, I may help.”

“Thank you, Sedene.” He started, bringing out the letter. “Did you perhaps leave this on my desk this morning?”

Sedene thought it over, squinting at it and curiously touching her chin in thought. “No sir. I checked all of your documents and had your office cleaned this morning. I haven’t seen that before. I’m not sure who the sender is.”

“How intriguing. Whoever sent it didn’t write their name, only an alias. Could you possibly trace who sent this to me? I would like to talk to them.”

“Of course.” She bowed, and soon left his vicinity to pass the message on.

Whoever it was, they needed to be dealt with, and fast.

#˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ mod vivian #˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ j’en ai rêvé #genshin impact #yandere #yandere neuvillette #neuvillette #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #reader insert

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urupotter · 11 months

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One of the reasons I find Snape kind of unique as a character in the stories I've read in that his particular combination of traits is... rare. By this I mean in that A) he has virtues and skills that would normally appear in a main character, a hero, hell even a teen boy power-fantasy, completely larger than life demonstrations of competence and virtue, while at the same time B) having traits that would normally be given to petty villains in order to make them look lame/pathetic, in order for the audience to laugh at the loser. (petty villains are not the same as regular villains, it's the difference between Filch and Voldemort. Voldemort is infinitely more evil but is rarely someone you pity/think is a loser the way you do Filch).

For A) he is a genius immensely skilled at magic and is hyper competent, inventing spells and potions as a teenager, is self sacrificing and brave to ridiculous extremes, over and over again, more than any other character bar the protagonist himself, is a spy that constantly makes the main villain look like a fool, is so virtuous he risks himself to save people he hates because it's the right thing to do, has tons of sarcastic one liners and witty jokes, is intimidating and smooth and has presence, I could go on. All these are traits you give to the Harry Potters of the world.

For B) he's ugly in a very visceral way, he bullies children who did nothing to him and makes them cry, he's bullied and never truly gets his revenge, in fact the girl he's in love with gets together with his bully, he's constantly humiliated (i.e. the Neville boggart scene where he's made to dress in an old woman's clothes, Dumbledore telling him that he disgusts him, the SWM scene). All this is stuff you give to the Filch's of the world.

More interesting than gray morality of whatever the fuck, which I've seen before, Snape is unique to me in that he's as much of a classical hero, larger than life teenage hyper-competence power fantasy made to idealize and try (and inevitably fail) to live up to as he is a pathetic petty tyrant loser made for the audience to laugh at and feel sorry for while hating him at the same time. It's like if you fused Harry Potter's virtues with Argus Filchs flaws. And he never really stops being either of these things throughout the story, he is cool and pathetic always. It's what makes him so incongruous to me, and part of what makes him inspire such strong emotions. People, whether fans or people that hate him, don't really know on what traits to lean into more: Is he cool or pathetic? Lame or awesome? The reality is that he's both. At both extremes at the same time, writing Snape correctly requires toeing the line between power-fantasy and masochistic self-flagellation.

#severus snape #hp #harry potter

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mimble-sparklepudding · 1 year

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Little OC Creation Ask List

I am trying to help a friend with their creative block around creating a FFXIV OC. So I thought I might try putting together a quick Ask List on the topic and maybe they would find people's responses helpful. Also it might be interesting to learn about how people approach the creative process!

How did you decide on the sex and/or gender of your OC? Was it important that it was the same as yours? Or the same as what you personally find attractive? Or did it not make much difference either way?

To what degree is your OC a self-insert? Are they in any way an aspirational version of yourself? Or perhaps a way to explore feelings and behaviours you suppress in yourself?

Is it important to you that you "like" your OC (as in consider them likeable)? Or is it more important to create a distinctive character, even if they are unpleasant or evil?

Do what degree did you intend your OC to be canon-compliant? Did you end up sticking to this or did you veer off into unforeseen territory over time?

How important is it to you that your OC is attractive? Does that mean attractive to you personally (sexually or just for purposes of playing dress-up!)? Or do you aim to make an OC over which others will inevitably thirst?

To what degree do you use the OC creation process as a way of exploring your own strengths and flaws?

Is your OC based upon another character or person? Or aspects of several? Is this just in terms of their appearance? Or also their personality?

Do you create the OC first and then the backstory? Or do you have a backstory lined up and then create an OC that will fit this?

Have you ever retconned your OC's story or situation? What inspired this? Did you just fancy a change? Or were you bored with them as they were? Or did you regret your decisions on first creating them?

To what extent does your OC function as a mouthpiece for your own views when it comes to describing their opinions or reactions? Do you quite like exploring how someone with very different values to your own might respond to a situation?

What is your main focus when creating an OC - making a character for yourself and your own enjoyment? Or do you try to create a character that will be popular with others or attract a lot of attention?

How much importance do you attach to humour when creating a character? Are there inevitably comic elements? Or are you more focused upon angst or drama?

Does your OC need to be believable (within the context of the fictional world in which you place them)? Or are you more interested in pushing the boundaries of what you can invent?

How do you want other people to view or react to your OC?

Is there anything you regret about how you designed your OC or their backstory?

Do you have the same OC (broadly speaking) across multiple fandoms or settings?

Did you design your OC with a specific aspect of RP in mind? Such as shipping, NSFW things, attending in-game social events, hosting events or entertaining others?

Has anyone ever reacted badly to your OC? Why was this?

Do you want other people to become invested in your OC? What would this look like ideally?

Is it important to ensure your OC has flaws or negative traits? Or do you try to make an idealised character as far as possible?

Do you want or enjoy your OC having in-game interactions with other people's characters? Or do you prefer to keep things more distant (like Ask Games on Tumblr!)? Or is your OC private and just for you?

How do you feel about others making art of your OC or writing about them? Do you feel like you need to vet their creative process? Or does anything go?

Was there a location in-game that inspired your OC (like Ishgard or Hingashi etc.)?

Was there something in the MSQ or even a side-questline, that inspired you to create them? Perhaps meeting the Sylphs or the Namazu? Or visiting the Unsundered World? Or even something to do with crafting or gathering?

To what extent does their appearance in game match your vision of them creatively? Are there things you wish you could change about them in this regard? Or possibly do, if you knew of a way to do so...

Do you have a voice claim for your OC? Did you have this before you did anything else? Or did you decide on it later?

Which OCs that are not yours do you most admire? What is it about that character that you find impressive or engaging?

To what extent have other people's OC influenced your own? Perhaps in the sense of inspiring your ideas? Or giving you "permission" to create a character you might not otherwise have done? Perhaps a lore-breaking one, or an overtly sexy one, or a self-insert, or a villainous one etc?

What do you try to avoid when creating an OC? Are these things you dislike in other people's OCs? Or purely your own personal preference?

What is your favourite thing about your OC or OCs? Is there something about them of which you are particularly proud?

To what extent does it matter that you are being "original" when you create an OC? Or is it OK to base them on an existing character or celebrity, so long as you enjoy it?

If you're stuck for ideas when creating an OC, what do you do to inspire yourself? (if you never have this problem, then what would you advise to someone that did!)

Is there an OC you would love to create in-game, but currently you are unable to do so, perhaps because that race is not playable or that sex is unavailable (hello female Hrothgar)?

How many OCs do you currently have? If you have multiple OCs then how different are they from each other? How often do you create new ones?

What things do you most want to see in someone's OC? Or what do you always find the most interesting? Or stimulating, if you're in that sort of mood?

#ffxiv oc #ffxiv ask game #oc creation #helping a friend #creative process #ffxiv wol #ffxiv character creation #ffxiv #ff14 ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14

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ynscrazylife · 1 year

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Hi ml! I have a request!

Reader is always a super happy person, even when overworked and sick. Wanda is trying to pull R out of her school work, but R replies with something cute and happy like "don't worry your pretty head about me, I'm fine! " which makes Wanda blush, but still worried. Eventually R gets the flu or something, but is still working. Wanda is surprised at how happy and cheerful R is even though their miserably sick. Eventually R starts to cry at their desk from feeling so sick, and Wanda is finally able to get R away from their desk, and helps R feel better.

Them!

Magic Kisses

Summary: Your feelings are revealed when Wanda takes care of you when you’re sick.

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

Main Masterlist | MCU Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

“Y/N, did you need something?”

Suddenly hearing F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice through the lab’s speakers made you let out an undignified yelp as you promptly fell off your stool. Landing in a heap on the floor, you grunted at the pain that spread all over your body and decided to just lay there for a second. Glancing up at the speakers, you said, “Why would I need something, Fri?”

(Even the sound of your own voice made you cringe. You were so nasally with your runny nose).

“You’ve been staring at your blueprints without moving for the past few minutes and from what I can detect, you seem to be developing a cold,” the AI answered matter-of-factly.

You bit back a sigh. You may have been able to hide from the team just how overworked their resident teammate and engineer was, but there was no fooling technology. As much as you loved tinkering around in Tony’s expensive lab, it was times like these that made you second guess your decision to be an Avenger and an aspiring engineer whilst in your senior year of college.

“Just zoned out for a bit, that’s all. I’m alright,” you assured F.R.I.D.A.Y. as you picked yourself up. But as you went to climb back onto the stool, a throbbing pain in your ankle made you hesitate.

You grit your teeth, intent to ignore it, until F.R.I.D.A.Y. piped up. “I’d suggest that you visit Dr. Cho, Y/N.”

You gaze shot to the speakers with a glare. You didn’t want to be pulled from your work now — the blueprints for Tony’s next invention was almost finished! “You do realize that I fell because of you, right?” You snapped at her.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. didn’t respond after that.

You went to get back to work, glancing over the blueprints for the umpteenth time. However, when the pain showed no sign of letting up, you knew that as self-destructive you were, you had to do something about this. You could already hear Tony in your head now, whining all about workers’ comp because you had injured yourself in his lab whilst working for his company.

Dragging yourself to the medbay, you froze in the doorway when a certain redhead caught your eye. Wanda, a close friend and your subsequent crush. It was hard not to like her—she was insanely powerful and, for lack of a better term, hot. The way she was affectionate with you made butterflies swarm in your stomach and you swore her smile was as bright at the stars. When she looked at you, it was like everything fell away, and you had become almost addicted to that feeling.

“Y/N! Everything alright?” Dr. Cho asked and a smile lifted up your face at the sight of Wanda.

“Oh, uh, yeah — I was just hoping to get some ice, I fell off my stool,” you explained, showing them your ankle.

Dr. Cho nodded and went to grab the ice from the freezer. “I can examine it if you need,” she offered.

You glanced at Wanda. “I’m fine, don’t wanna interrupt you guys,” you said, unable to help but wonder what the redhead was doing here.

“You’re not interrupting anything. Dr. Cho just needed me to update some info for my medical file,” Wanda assured you, matching your smile.

You accepted the ice from Dr. Cho with an appreciative nod. “You sure you don’t want an examination? You’ve been holed up in the lab for a while now, might be good to take a break and make sure your ankle’s alright,” Wanda said, eyeing you carefully.

You blushed at the fact that Wanda had noticed. Taking a chance, you said, “Don’t worry your pretty head about me, I’m fine!” Your voice was cheerful, which wasn’t uncommon for you, but there was some force, a push, to it.

Wanda, however, didn’t notice because now she was the one blushing. She went to respond, but it seemed like her brain was short-circuiting, and she just stifled a noise and smiled. Thankfully, Dr. Cho came in to save the day for the redhead.

“Well, if you do want an examination, I’m here all day, okay?” She said, prompting you to nod.

“Thank you,” you said, sparing one last look at Wanda before returning to the lab.

For the rest of the day, Wanda couldn’t seem to get her mind off you. Not only was she flustered by your comment (little did you know, she did reciprocate your feelings for her), but she couldn’t help but note how long you stayed in the lab.

When it was getting close to dinner time, Wanda caved and went up to the group, most of them hanging out in the living room. “Hey, has anyone seen Y/N around?” She asked.

A chorus of “No”s went around, making her hope deflate. “Check the lab,” Tony suggested.

Oh, she was definitely going to. As she set out for the room, Wanda found herself wishing that you weren’t there. Maybe you had gone to your room to rest — though she knew that was wishful thinking. Once she turned the corner and reached the lab, Wanda’s heart absolutely shattered.

There you were, hunched over on the stool, still hard at work. But it wasn’t that that made Wanda break—it was the fact that she could hear and see you crying, muttering to yourself angrily. She resisted peeking into your mind, no matter how loud your thoughts were or how tempting it was.

“Y/N,” she said softly, gravitating towards you. You seemed to perk up a bit at her presence, but not in the way Wanda hoped. Instead of realizing that she was here to help, you began hurriedly wiping your face and gathering your strewn papers, as if wanting to hide this from her.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Are you alright? What’s going on?” She cooed, delicately taking the papers from you and putting them into a neat snack.

Your shoulders slumped, looking away from her. “It’s—” you began, voice small and cracking.

“Don’t tell me that it’s nothing,” Wanda cut in quickly, stern but not unkind.

You relented with a long say. “I’m just—I’m so tired. I have so much work to do, but my ankle hurts so much and I think I’m coming down with something,” you admitted, wiping your nose. There was a little bit of a whine to your words, but Wanda didn’t care. You could whine all you wanted with her.

“Oh, honey. Take a break with me, okay?” Wanda said, not waiting for an answer before she fixed up the things at your station and put the papers away. You watched her, not arguing against it, but some part of you still felt guilty about it.

“I have school and work for Tony—” you began. It was a weak argument and you knew it, but something inside you was compelled to say it.

“There are always extensions and Tony would much rather you rest than continue to work yourself sick,” Wanda pointed out, turning around when she finished organizing your things. She offered her hand out for you to take.

Deciding to give in (this was Wanda, after-all. You’d never say no to her), you accepted her hand and stood up. But when you tried to walk, you ended up stumbling. The pain in your ankle had gotten much worse with it being untreated.

“Okay, first stop: medbay,” Wanda said, doing her best not to get frustrated that you had neglected your health. She knew that you were only trying to do your best and hadn’t meant to hurt yourself.

You nodded. Deep down, you knew it was needed — not just for your ankle, but also for whatever you were ailed with. Wanda looped one of your arms around her neck and one of her arms around your waist, allowing you to give her most of your weight as she helped you walk to the medbay.

It took some time, but the two of you made it there. “Hey, Dr. Cho. I have a patient for you,” Wanda greeted as they entered, causing Dr. Cho to turn around from her computer.

“Of course, sit up here,” Dr. Cho said, gesturing to an examination table before she went to grab her medical bag.

Wanda wasted no time in lifting you up and setting you down on the table. “Do you want me stay for this? I can wait outside if you want,” she asked, not wanting to invade on your privacy.

“Only if you want to,” you said. Normally you weren’t so shy, but when it came to Wanda? She seemed to have some sort of power over you.

Wanda smiled and waited with you while Dr. Cho grabbed her things. She walked over and instructed you to lift your leg up on the table. After probing around the ankle and seeing that it was swollen, she determined that it was a bad sprain and wrapped it up. Then, she grabbed her stereoscope. Wanda watched as you breathed in and out patiently. When she was done, she grabbed a thermometer to take your temperature.

“You do have a fever, 101.2. It is a little high, but I’m not too worried about it right now,” Dr. Cho said, before looking in your ears and throat. “I think you’re just going to need plenty of rest and fluids. Rest your ankle, too. You can take some medication for your fever and any pain.”

“Thank you,” you said, throat a little croaky.

She smiled. “Of course.”

Wanda helped you off from the table and to your room. You were content to rest on your own, but realized that wasn’t going to happen when Wanda propped up pillows for your back and ankle and went into your bathroom to grab some stuff.

“Y/N, you don’t have any medicine in here?” Wanda called, making you chuckle.

“I’m fine, really—” you cut yourself off with a string of your own sneezes that soon dissolved into violent coughs.

Wanda immediately reappeared, walking over to rub your back. Once the fit was over, you leaned back, suddenly tired. “Okay, I’m feeling it now,” you muttered, sniffling.

“Aw, poor thing. I’ll be right back, okay?” Wanda said, brushing some of your hair back. You didn’t want to see her go (you got clingy when sick), but just nodded.

Somewhere along the way, you must’ve dozed off, because soon you woke to the smell of hot, delicious soup. Blinking your eyes open, you found a tray with soup being placed in front of you and your favorite sitcom playing on the TV.

“Oh, Wanda, you didn’t have to,” you said, heart warming at the kind gesture.

Wanda was sitting next to you with a large smile. “I wanted to. Is there anything else you need?” She asked.

Your shook her head. “I’ve got everything I need right here,” you said.

“Me, too — now eat up!” Wanda urged, making you laugh.

Doing what she said, you began eating the soup. “Did you cook this yourself? This is amazing,” you complimented between slurps.

Wanda giggled. “I did,” she said, leaning back against your bed and stretching an arm out. You gladly leaned against her, relishing in her warmth.

Meanwhile, Wanda was freaking out on the inside — you had leaned into her touch! She couldn’t be more happy and did her best to pay attention to the sitcom (though her mind kept on drifting to you) as you finished the soup.

When you were done, you found your head falling onto Wanda’s shoulder. The Scarlet Witch did her best not to freak out but when she noticed, out of the corner of her eye, your grip loosen on your spoon, she dared to look over.

A smile lifted up her face when she saw you fast asleep on her shoulder — god, you were the cutest. Wanda very gently went to maneuver you so your head leaned on your pillow, but a whine from you made her stop. “No, want you,” you mumbled, clearly out of it with sleep, as you just nuzzled your head against her.

Wanda blinked. This was just sleepy nonsense, right? “W-what?” She said, laughing it off.

“I want you, Wan. Don’ leave,” you said.

Her smile grew brighter. “I’m not leaving you, just gotta move the tray, okay?” She said.

You nodded a little at that and allowed Wanda to move your head onto the pillow. She moved your tray and put it on the table. When she turned back to you, you moved closer to her, your arm draping over her stomach.

Wanda just giggled. “You want me to stay?” She asked quietly, so as to not disturb you.

You nodded. “Mhm,” you said, eyes still closed.

Wanda turned off the television and laid down, fixing the blankets over you and herself. Just before she put her head on the pillow, she took a second to look at you. You warmed her heart. This was perfect. Wanda had an idea and her instincts, her gut, told her to make the leap and go for it.

She dipped her head and pressed her lips to your forehead, giving you a sweet kiss. She went to pull away, only to hear you say, “Could you . . . Could you do it again?”

She leaned back in. “On your forehead?” She asked.

Now, your eyes fluttered open, meeting her gaze. “Nope,” you said, smiling yourself.

Wanda kissed your lips this time and you kissed back, your arm tightening around her.

When you leaned back, you were a little dazed. “Wow,” you whispered. “Your magic even extends to your kisses.”

“Does it?” Wanda asked, teasing.

You nodded and leaned your head back against her. Wanda wrapped her arms around you and in minutes, you had fallen back asleep. She didn’t even care that you had kissed her when you were sick, she was just happy to hold you. Which was what she did, looking over you, until she fell asleep herself.

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Wanda Maximoff Taglist: @kacka84 @eichenhouseproperty

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lurking-latinist · 1 year

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I just saw this awesome post about including mobility aids in fantasy writing, and I do not want to create a tangent but I *do* want to share some things I learned about disability in ancient Greece when I was researching that paper I wrote on the Philoctetes, so I am making my own post.

Philoctetes is a mythical figure who was one of the Greek heroes going to the Trojan war. Before they got there, he suffered a wound in the foot which would not heal. The other Greek leaders were unwilling to have the noise of his screams and the stench of the infected wound in their camp, so they abandoned him on a deserted island with only his famous weapon, the Bow of Heracles. He survived there for ten years. Now the war is almost over, Troy has almost fallen, but the Greeks have heard a prophecy: they cannot win until they have the Bow of Heracles. So wily Odysseus and young Neoptolemus (the son of the recently dead Achilles) go to the island where Philoctetes is still living, still dealing with his injury. Philoctetes is eager to escape the island, but can he trust the community that abandoned him ten years ago? Can they ever make right what they did to him?

Now that’s the type of story that someone might very well point to who was arguing that disabled people have to be neglected and excluded in a “historically accurate” story. And it’s definitely not an example of casual inclusion. But what that person would be missing is that Philoctetes’ abandonment and isolation in this play was intended to be shocking to its Athenian audience. The audience is invited to identify with Philoctetes and to be horrified at how he does not receive the support from his community that real-world people with similar disabilities did receive, as we can tell from both textual and archaeological evidence.

Martha L. Rose’s book The Staff of Oedipus: Transforming Disability in Ancient Greece emphasizes this. Look, here’s what I wrote in my paper, why should I rewrite it:

Rose approaches her material “though the lens of disability studies, which approaches the phenomenon of disability by assuming that there is nothing inherently wrong with the disabled body and that the reaction of a society to the disabled body is neither predictable nor immutable” (1). In other words, it is necessary to see what attitudes and assumptions about disabilities are actually recorded, rather than projecting any of our own assumptions. ...

Also unlike today, Greek concepts of disability were not medicalized. “Permanent physical disability,” writes Rose, “was not the concern of doctors in antiquity beyond recognition of incurability” (11). This does not mean that disabled people had no resources or were simply left to perish, of course. Rather, they were often cared for within their households and their communities (28), which means that both Philoctetes’ abandonment and isolation form a shocking exception to the norm. The importance of community support suggests that Philoctetes’ joy at being reunited with humanity comes from practical as well as emotional needs. At the same time, the wide range of tasks and trades in the Greek economy meant that many disabled people were far from economically dependent (think of [the god] Hephaestus the lame smith), so that “[a] physically handicapped person earning a living would not have been a remarkable sight” (39). People unable to walk at all rode donkeys or were carried in litters, while those who walked with difficulty used a staff or a crutch (24-26).

So for writers: the ancient Greeks didn’t invent the wheelchair--but they had the wheel technology (I suspect the issue may have been with roads and pavements instead), so your Greek-inspired fantasy world totally can (which was the point of that earlier post). Or maybe your protagonist goes on their adventures with a faithful donkey sidekick that helps them get around. Maybe they are respected for their skill in a craft, making their home and workshop a lively meeting-place for customers. If you’re writing fantasy, you could be inspired by one of the myths of Hephaestus, in which he creates metal automatons--basically, magic robots--that not only support him as he walks, they also act as assistants in his workshop!

Anyway, the point of this post is basically just that I agree with the other post about including mobility aids in fantasy and I had some relevant knowledge in the back of my head. And also that you should read the Philoctetes. Look, here’s a recent free modern English verse translation: https://johnstoniatexts.x10host.com/sophocles/philocteteshtml.html

Oh, and if you would like to see my term paper or the relevant section from The Staff of Oedipus, message me, I will share them.

#philoctetes #writing #I should add that Rose also has information about things like blindness and deafness in her book #I just happened to be writing a paper about mobility

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letteredlettered · 3 months

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Since people expressed interest in the comments about the music I used to write my current fic, I wanted to share some of what I explored to write it. I don't think that you need to know this canon or have read this fic to read this post, though I do spend a bit of time talking about how canon influenced the choices I made. Anyone who has been following this fic knows that it was supposed to be porn, and largely, it really still is for the most part a fic about sex. But I did do a lot of research on music with which I'm frankly not very familiar, and the process was really rewarding.

The fic is Time Signature, if you're interested. This post has a lot about music, electronic music, Chinese music, and music theory, as well as some links to music that interests me and inspired portions of the fic. I don't expect anyone to read anything this long, but it was nice to write it.

Canon. One of my favorite things about both book and drama canon is how in synch WWX/LWJ are cultivation-wise. It’s not just that they can predict the talisman the other will use or the seal the other will cast; they also have the same hunches solving mysteries, the same instincts protecting others, the same ideas about where to go. When writing an AU, it’s important to me to show that synchronization (beyond physical attraction and sex), mostly because I think it’s hot.

In canon, however, WWX revolutionizes cultivation, inventing a whole new method when no one ever thought that possible. I also think this is hot. I also think it’s hot if LWJ thinks it’s hot. Look, canonically, LWJ disapproves of demonic cultivation because it will injure WWX’s spirit and body, but imo there is a reason LWJ is so into WWX, and it’s not just because WWX bugs him. It’s not even just because WWX is really cute and happy and exuberant and everything that’s the opposite of his upbringing. I also like to think that it’s because WWX is a fucking genius, and LWJ doesn't mind the idea of upending tradition and the entire cultivation world as much as it really seems at first that he would; he just struggles with anything that could hurt WWX. So anyway, WWX being revolutionary, in basically a technological sense, is important to me.

Wangxian both play music canonically. LWJ’s playing is noted to be particularly powerful, and WWX’s chosen music is at least one part of his revolutionary cultivation method. Additionally, the song LWJ writes for them is an important plot point. It makes sense that in a modern AU, music is a point of connection, so that is what I chose for their careers.

The final point about canon I want to make in connection to the music for this fic is that this is a Chinese canon with Chinese characters set in China. I don’t think it’s wrong to write AUs set in the west. I have done so, and I think there is value in examining a Chinese canon that has become very popular in the west through the lens of the Chinese diaspora. But I also think that there is a lot of value in a western person such as myself trying to learn and understand the cultural context for a canon that I really like, even if I sometimes get it wrong.

I had decided to set this fic in China because I thought the setting would not strongly feature, which would give me an easy “in” to write something set in a place I don’t know much about. Directly after choosing the setting I chose their careers, which made me realize I needed to do a lot more research—both about the careers but also about the setting--than a fic that was supposed to be mainly porn should have really required.

Music genre choice. Lots of AUs I’ve read have Wangxian’s mutual interest be that they both play western classical instruments. This baffles me, but it’s what I’ve seen, so I loosely started there—ie, I spent some time thinking about what would be revolutionary in western instrumental music, which entailed doing some research on contemporary classical music. There are obviously pioneers in any music genre, folks doing new things, but it turned out I just did not know enough about this genre to really understand what would be truly avant-garde.

I took a step back and thought about the instrumental music I have personally heard that feels really new and different, and Philip Glass was the first thing that came to mind. I first heard of Philip Glass when I saw The Hours, for which he wrote the soundtrack. I still think that soundtrack is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard, and I did use it as inspiration for music in this fic, particularly LWJ’s. More on that later.

Philip Glass is great, but for all his eastern minimalist influences, he is a strong figure in the western paradigm. I did some research on Chinese contemporary instrumental music, but most of what I found had a really western flavor. I think there are two reasons for this—one is that I am in the west searching for articles in English; for all that we like to imagine the internet is universal, search algorithms and search history is actually making it far harder than it used to be to find material with which you are completely unfamiliar. Secondly, western music did in fact have a notable impact on Chinese music, which is fine, it’s still Chinese, but I worried about everything I wrote just sounding like it was about western classical, which is a concern of mine I’ll address more later.

Since I wasn’t finding what I wanted, particularly for WWX, in the “art music” (aka, lowercase “c” classical music, which Wikipedia says is also known as “cultivated music, serious music, or canonical music”—ie, instrumental music with strings, winds, percussion) scene, I realized I needed to examine the other contemporary music, by which I mean everything else. Since I am most familiar with rock, Radiohead immediately came to mind, but Radiohead is a band, and there are lyrics. Though the lyrics are not where the meaning of Radiohead songs lie (the vocals are treated as largely instrumental), if there were lyrics, I’d need to write about them, and I didn’t want to. More importantly, Radiohead is singular in what they do, which makes them difficult to categorize, and this makes them difficult to describe textually. You can say that Radiohead revolutionized rock, or even reinvented it, but that is not really addressing how fundamentally avant-gardeRadiohead is. Describing how revolutionary Radiohead is on paper really is just saying “but they’re different!” over and over again.

What I needed for WWX was a music genre that was revolutionary, an entire school of music that felt cutting edge and frankly, unfamiliar, and for that, I realized I needed my brother.

Some stories about my family. My brother is a music artist who creates electronic music. If you want to understand why it took me this long to get to my brother in this thought process, you should understand a few things about him. First, I love him a lot, but we’re not very close. Second, my brother is probably the quietest person I know—like, idk, LWJ levels of non-talking. Last, I do not understand my brother’s music. I’ve tried! I listened to it a lot! But when I didn’t understand, I asked questions, and my brother cannot explain any of it. He’s an expressive guy! Just not verbally, and as a very verbal person, I have a tough time when people cannot use their words. Like, even asking him what type of music he plays, he’ll say something like, “It’s complicated.” (This is a lie. He’ll look at me and say, “Type?” And I’ll try to explain what I mean. And he’ll say, “I don’t know.” And if I said, “Okay, but if you had to label it?” He’d laugh and say, “Why?” And if I said, “So I can better understand your music,” he’d think for a long time, then look very frustrated, and laugh, and say, “I don’t know?” I think we’ve literally had this exact conversation).

Anyway, possibly through one of these type of exchanges, where I’m grilling him like a school marm and he’s acting like I’m making him take a standardized test he hates (I’m his little sister. Would it be easier to subject him to these horrors if he was my little brother?), I learned that one of my brother’s influences is Aphex Twin. My brother loves Aphex Twin. I . . . don’t. I’ve listened to a lot of him (in order to understand my brother better); I do not like it, and I do not understand it. My brother talks about Aphex Twin like he’s a genius (if and when my brother talks at all). Now, my brother is a very smart guy; it’s not that I didn’t believe him when he said Aphex Twin was a genius, but he also gets . . . swept up by things, and as previously discussed, he doesn’t talk a lot, so I didn’t really understand what my brother meant by this. It took hearing about Aphex Twin randomly, in a couple other places, for me to realize Aphex Twin is a Big Deal. When I looked up Aphex Twin at some point in order to better understand the music my brother makes, I found that Aphex Twin is considered by many to be a genius and also a pioneer. Apologies to all of you who already knew that about Aphex Twin.

Sidenote, my brother’s wife is also a musician, though not professionally. She could have been, considering that she was ranked as one of the top flute players in Texas, and Texas is fucking huge. But no, professionally, my sister-in-law is in cognitive science and linguistics, which you may remember was the career LWJ had in Say More (my fiancée is also a linguist. I also know a few other linguists. My life is convenient for my Wangxian AUs, I gotta say). I mention my sister-in-law because my sister-in-law has enough musical acuity to also recognize that both my brother and Aphex Twin are geniuses, which really helped me to understand that even though I’m not really into this music at all, it really is a Big Deal.

So, I researched Aphex Twin and also went to my brother’s website for his music to find out what the hell this type of music is called, and it turns out there’s not a good name. IDM, which stands for intelligent dance music, is a label Aphex Twin himself famously does not like, and my brother labeled his own music as “acid, techno, house, electro.” Wikipedia said that Aphex Twin is known for techno, ambient, and jungle.

Anyway, into this confusing morass of electronic revolutionary music is where I decided to plunk Wei Ying.

Electronic music. Note for this section that I know nothing about electronic music. I’m writing this post partly to document the journey of discovery I went on to write this porn. I’m not really trying to educate anyone so much as I’m trying to provide insight as to what I researched for this fic and what the references are, in case the fic interested you.

When you really get down to it, music made with electronics has as many genres and styes as music made with more traditional instruments, and the labels are just as confusing (see this Wikipedia list of electronic music genres). For instance, “electronica” just means music made with electronics to some people, but to others it’s more specific. You’ve also got a bunch of other terms: ambient, EDM, techno, house, IDM.

This is all based on what I learned from Wikipedia, but here are some loose definitions as I understand them: There’s ambient, which is really made for background listening, and then there’s EDM (electronic dance music), which is made for active listening—ie, dancing. Within EDM you have lots of genres, such as techno; techno is usually characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, and house, which . . . is also characterized by a specific tempo and repeating structure, but the tempo is different. From what I can gather, house is also a bigger tent than techno; ie, many different genres and styles can be house, but techno is more often just techno. (Note that part of the reason all of this terminology has so much overlap is that it originated in different places; techno was invented in Berlin, house in Chicago.) Meanwhile, the list of genres of house is so big that it also has its own Wikipedia page, which is almost as large as the list of electronic music genres.

Note that there is such a thing as “house ambient”, which explodes the entire concept of ambient vs EDM. To aid in that explosion, IDM is described on Wikipedia as including styles such as ambient techo, and “is regarded as better suited to home listening rather than dancing.” What stands out about IDM, and the reason it is featured in the fic, is that it’s known for being experimental. (I’ll add that it emerged in the 90s, which isn’t great for my fic. Whatever WWX is doing, he is on the edge, and 90s music already old to him, even if he’s Aphex Twin’s biggest fan! But alas, my research could not tell me what is happening right now, because you really have to be involved in The Scene to understand what’s new. By the time it’s documented, it’s already really a little old.)

If you are researching electronic music and how it is revolutionary, you’re probably going to get into its evolution and history, since this is a new style of music. And if you are looking into the origins of this kind of music, you’re going to find Brian Eno. And if you’re looking into Brian Eno, you’re going to find minimalism.

Minimalism. Brian Eno is an extremely famous dude. I’d probably heard of him before, but I am very good with big concepts and pretty bad with details, so because I didn’t know anything about the bigger concepts behind ambient/electronic music/minimalism, I never paid attention. Now I’m hearing about him literally everywhere, which is funny, since it’s not like he’s new news. Ezra Klein was literally waxing poetic about Music for Airports just a month ago.

Eno is famous for his pioneering work in ambient music and electronic music, and, as one might expect, electronic ambient. Eno was always doing experimental, avant-garde stuff, and early on he embraced a minimal style. He later coined the term “ambient music.”

What’s interesting about this is that around the same time as Eno was doing this in later 1960s/early 1970s, a new kind of art music was being born in classical circles. This is the capital “M” Minimal music, for which—you guessed it—Philip Glass is really famous. And when you look at Philip Glass’s influences, he was deeply influenced by the minimalism of eastern music, especially Indian and Tibetan music. I couldn’t really find anything saying that Brian Eno was directly influenced by traditional eastern music, but Eno is definitely a fan of Glass and vice versa; they really build on each other.

This ended up just being a very cool intersection for the fic that I didn’t plan. I didn’t end up using it very much, but I must say I was stupidly pleased that the kind of music I was looking into for both of these characters has such deep roots in eastern music traditions. So now let’s talk a little bit about eastern music, specifically Chinese music, since that’s where this fic is based.

Chinese music. I did read a bit about Chinese music for this fic, and I have to say that I still don’t know a lot about it. As stated above, I’m in the west, using my western search techniques, looking for primarily articles in English (though I get Google to translate some things). I also just have a western understanding of music and music history, and it turns out, surprise, different cultures are different, and my entire paradigm for understanding music does not really apply to music from other cultures.

I, and many of us, want music to be a universal language, something that can move through all barriers and touch us in our souls. And it is! I have listened to and loved music not from my culture! But thinking of music as something intrinsically universal and therefore immediately moving to everyone really collapses the rich history of musical tradition all cultures have. Music really is like a language, in that it is built on the culture that creates it; it has its own internal logic; it has style and meaning that depend on the history of that tradition and the understanding of its audience. The brief reading I’m going to do to write some porn will not give me to understand the deep and rich tradition of Chinese music, but also, frankly, even if I turned all my efforts and career to learning and understanding this right now, I still would not have the best comprehension. I don’t even comprehend western music, and I grew up with it. So, forgive me for the paucity of my understanding and knowledge, and please correct me if I make mistakes.

When I think about Chinese music that I know about, I think of two things: modern and traditional. The modern stuff I’m thinking of is stuff like C-pop, but also the things you might hear on the soundtrack for a drama or movie. To me, none of this music sounds that different than western pop or western soundtracks. There are a few reasons for this: one, there are tons of Chinese music that is not reaching me. Two, maybe I just think it doesn’t sound that different because I can only really process what I recognize. Three, in a similar vein, maybe I’m thinking “that sounds like what I know” when really what I know sounds like what I’m hearing. Globalization is definitely doing things to music; if you’re telling me that Asian pop is not influencing western pop right now, I’m going to think you’re crazy, considering the influence and popularity Asian pop has in the US and Europe right now. And four, western music did have an impact on Chinese music, so there’s that.

Obviously, the music genre I chose for Wei Ying falls into the modern sphere, and I certainly looked into the techno/EDM/IDM/electronic/ambient/house scene in China. Articles I found stated it took a little longer for EDM to pick up steam in China, but now it’s definitely going strong. There are some great electronic music festivals, EDM clubs, underground EDM scenes, and EDM music artists (composers and DJs!) in China. Researching these artists was pretty difficult, especially because I wanted Wangxian’s musical discussions to be highly technical, and for highly technical discussions about EDM you are wandering into some very niche spaces. I’m sure such spaces about EDM in China exist, but they’re most likely to be in Chinese.

As I’ve said, globalization is a factor when it comes to cultural difference in music, and I’d add here that because this genre of music is so new, globalization has even more influence, from what I can tell. That said, I do not want to diminish how much influence very specific locations have to do with this type of music. EDM is very tied to clubs (because of the dancing) and performance (because of deejaying, and also because of things like live coding/algorave), which is probably why we get so many granular genres of house—Chicago house is different from Detroit, just for example. Regardless, I stuck with researching a lot of western artists for both the music and musical discussions in the fic, mostly because the music is supposed to be so new and avant-garde that is should not be something overly familiar to the reader, even if they’re steeped in electronic music genres.

Then there’s traditional music.

Traditional music. Traditional music obviously had a huge influence on Chinese modern music. The influence of traditional eastern music on modern eastern music, as well as traditional eastern music itself, is what really influenced a lot of western minimalism of the 1960s and 70s (and onward). To be clear, not all “eastern” traditional music is the same. It’s just as richly diverse regionally as traditional western music, if not more so, given “the east” is fucking huge—though I will say that a lot of people think of western music as pretty monolithic, because folk is characterized as a separate tradition than classical. When you consider ancient western folk, there’s a shit ton of it, and it’s quite diverse. There is also folk music in eastern music traditions, and this is different than music that would have been played in courts and palaces, so there’s really a ton going on.

Traditional music is what people think of when they think of eastern music being “weird,” which is something I really hate. Look, I love being weird; I think weird is cool; it’s great. But weird means unusual, and traditional music is very usual; people who say that just mean it’s unusual for them, and they should think about their words. What they’re trying to say is that traditional eastern music will sound very different for many western listeners, even though, again, we like to think of music as so universal, actually!, because it’s based on math, actually!, and math is so universal!!! The truth is that math is patterns, and patterns are things that your brain recognizes when there are familiar elements, and when there are unfamiliar elements your brain has trouble recognizing the pattern. So, again, music is a way to communicate across all kinds of boundaries, but it is not a universal translator. (But it does make you wonder . . . if Lan Zhan played Inquiry, could Aeneas answer???)

Regarding the unfamiliar math, what we’re talking about is scales. I think most people know this part. Eastern scales are based on math, just like western scales, but the frequencies are divided up differently. Among other things, traditional Chinese music did not use equal temperament, which means depending on what note you start with, the intervals for all the notes on the scale were be different. A way of thinking about this, at least as I understand it, is that a piano is even tempered. All the notes are always the same whether you’re playing in C major or B flat, because you have no control over the frequency produced when you press the key. But if you’re using just intonation—say you’re using an instrument with just a few strings—you’re adjusting the frequency of the note to match your scale. It requires extremely precise hearing and playing ability.

Notation for traditional Chinese music was really different than how I as a westerner understand it. For one thing, it didn’t include rhythm, and for another, it represented more a framework for improvisation than every single precise note. (See Gongche notation, Wikipedia.)

Authorship was also thought of pretty differently. When I googled “great Chinese composers,” the only results I was getting were twentieth century. There are some great ancient Chinese composers, but I had to do a lot of digging to find them, and trying to find someone like the Chinese equivalent of Beethoven is just the wrong approach. When you get right down to it, this really seems to be about the fundamental difference between western individualism vs eastern collectivism and community-based thinking. The individual artist is not the hero of the story. That said, the tradition of the music is very heroic. For instance, the notation allows such variation that the same piece can really build and grow through different artists, much like a story through oral tradition. Additionally, for an artist in an ensemble piece to stand out would really be quite rude; the point is not the individual talent of the musicians but the fundamental beauty of the piece. (This was a particularly hard thing to research, and I mostly found out what I laid out above from various folks answering questions in forums. The best one I found is here.)

Another thing is that harmony, as we think of it, was just not really a thing in traditional Chinese music. The focus was on a melody, which is where minimalism comes in. I’d add here that the “as we think of it” is pretty important, because the western paradigm, including western music language, is not super great at really capturing the nuance of Chinese music. I am terrible at tracking my sources when I research stuff for fic, so I was trying to find some of them now, and I came across this article, which examines the harmony that did exist, but how different it is from what we think of when we think of western harmony.

Despite the reading I did on this subject, very little about Chinese traditional music made it into the fic. I do have Lan Zhan reading a book on traditional music that he hates. This isn’t based on a book I found, but rather to show that Lan Zhan isn’t really into the idea of musical “purity,” that is, ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do with music. That said, I’m not really aware of what strictures around traditional Chinese music are like, or what the Chinese thought is on that. I am aware of how deeply restrictive western thought is regarding music theory, and that’s really where that part of the fic was coming from.

I’d originally had Lan Zhan reading a book on western music theory and very deeply hating it, but I also felt like having him read a book on western theory could reinforce the idea that he’s working within a western paradigm, when really the whole point is that this Lan Zhan very intentionally uses traditional music values. Due to his inspiration from Wei Ying, he’s breaking the norms of how that music works, but he's not necessarily making it western; he’s making it avant-garde. Basically, my inspiration was a Chinese Philip Glass, but I didn’t want to say that because as mentioned above, Glass is still western, no matter his influences. That said, Wei Ying does compare Lan Zhan to Philip Glass and also Tan Dun, who you might recognize as the guy who did the soundtrack for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, among many other very famous projects.

Tan Dun has in fact been called the Chinese Philip Glass, which is probably not very respectful to Tan Dun, who is himself an incredible (and experimental!) composer. I should note, however, that Tan Dun is Chinese American—he was born in China, but got a degree at Columbia and has lived in New York since. Also, he is particularly famous for marrying Eastern traditionalism with western style, and that really wasn’t what I wanted for Lan Zhan. I didn’t want Lan Zhan to be incredible because he was using western traditions, though he is familiar with them and can make very talented use of them. A lot of very famous Chinese modern composer are famous for that, and that music is still very Chinese. That said, I felt that if I made that Lan Zhan’s style, it would feel like I was saying Lan Zhan’s music is special because it’s western, and that was something I really wasn’t keen on.

In the end, I possibly did the fic and traditional Chinese music a disservice by having Lan Zhan read his book and hate on it. One of the whole reasons western music theory sucks is it can be pretty racist, and that’s what I was trying to avoid, but by conflating my rage at western music theory with eastern, I didn’t really help things much. But anyway, since I’ve now mentioned it, let’s just take a slight detour to talk about what I mean by racist music theory.

Western music theory racism. There’s a scene in the movie Tár that really solidified my feelings on the subject. In it, a student who identifies as BIPOC and pangender, says they don’t really have much use for Bach because of Bach’s misogynist history. The extremely famous director, Tár, played by Cate Blanchett, lambasts the student for “cancelling” Bach because of Bach’s personal life. The student goes on to say that they really just don’t have much interest in cis male white composers, and Tár continues to lambast the student for considering things like gender and race in conjunction with the art.

My understanding of this scene was that it was demonstrating that Tár is a jerk, so full of herself that she can’t listen to other voices, and so steeped in her 18th century western ideas of genius that she’s literally silencing the music voices she’s supposed to support. That was not most people’s reading of the scene, and in retrospect, possibly not the intention of the film. It seems rather telling that not a lot is known about Bach’s misogyny or lack thereof; there are plenty of other “great” western composers that are known to be worse in terms of misogyny and abuse, and yet the film did not make this scene about them. In retrospect, maybe that scene wanted to paint this student as kind of ignorant for cancelling Bach, and Tár really puts them in their place when she describes how art is more important than the artist.

Fuck that. I certainly believe that art is more important than the artist. JK Rowling sucks; that doesn’t mean I will stop loving HP fic and the part it’s played in my life. But the ugliness of the scene is that it hinges on importance of Bach, and look here, shocker, Bach is not essential, just as JKR is not essential if you decide you don’t ever want to familiarize yourself with the literature of TERFs. Even if you want to be a musician and create or conduct music, Bach is just not essential.

He’s pretty important if you want to be a western music historian, true, but when we talk about music there are many, many music traditions that are incredibly worthwhile and important that not only weren’t created by cis white men, but also weren’t ever derived or influenced by cis white men. If you think that you need Bach to know and love and create and perform and conduct music, it’s because you’re operating in a single paradigm that has become yes, universally known, but also for that reason oppressive and imperialist. I am not saying western classical music is bad because it’s imperialist, just to be clear. Bach’s great! Hate ‘im, but I do love me some Beethoven and he was also very cis and male and white and also a complete douche! What I’m saying is that forcing this music tradition on others is deeply imperialist, and it happens all the time.

Anyway, this is really a tangent, because despite my very good intentions to write about Chinese music, as I have stated, almost everything I used for reference was western, even a lot of the stuff I listened to. Maybe I just wanted to acknowledge that that’s a little racist, even though I tried not to be. Maybe I also wanted to hate on Tár and leave you with this interesting video about white supremacy in music theory.

References. Finally, we’ve reached the part I had originally intended to post, which is why I started writing this. Below are the essays and articles I used to write this fic. They were used in three ways: 1) to describe the music (though I also listened to things, see next section), 2) to inform Lan Zhan’s critiques and Wei Ying’s ideas—though I read a lot of essays to do that, just a crazy amount considering how little of the fic is actually about that, and 3) to describe the reading material Wei Ying and Lan Zhan exchange.

Music Beyond Airports – Appraising Ambient Music

This is a series of essays largely focused around Brian Eno’s Music for Airports, though there’s a lot of other stuff as well. I didn’t read everything in here, but the collection is absolutely fascinating. “Ambient House: “Little Fluffy Clouds” And The Sampler As Time Machine” is one of the “articles” Wei Ying sends Lan Zhan; meanwhile, the collection as whole is what Lan Zhan sends Wei Ying when he says he’s been reading about ambient house. Additionally, “Adaptive Game Scoring With Ambient Music” really influenced Lan Zhan’s commentary about arpeggiation, the first time he comments on Wei Ying’s music.

Counterpoint - Tracking in the Music of Aphex Twin

I have some embarrassment about this, given that the article is about counterpoint, and as I have discussed above, eastern traditional music doesn’t really employ that in the way westerners think about it. However, it’s also pretty backwards to restrict Wei Ying to traditional eastern music, as modern Chinese music includes plenty of counterpoint, and part of the point of the fic is that Wei Ying is doing entirely new things that haven’t been done before. Well. They’ve been done by Aphex Twin, as described in this piece, which also describes the first piece that Wei Ying plays for Lan Zhan in the fic, in the car. I did lift the phrase “pedagogy of counterpoint,” and could not decide whether it was long enough or significant enough to credit in the fic.

Unequal Temperament: A Review of Aphex Twin’s SYRO

I can’t remember what I used this article for. It’s an interesting read.

Reverb Machine (the entire website)

This is the site I kept returning to over and over and over again. Most of the articles about electronic really focus on either the equipment used or chords. In the fic, Lan Zhan isn’t supposed to know much about equipment or how any of it is used, because he does not do electronic music. Also, I didn’t really want to talk much about chord progressions, because those discussions are steeped in western music theory, and I wanted it to be possible for Wei Ying to be using the kind of scales traditional Chinese music used, even if a lot of modern Chinese music does use an even-tempered 12-tone scale. However, this site has a lot, and I ended up returning to it again and again so Wei Ying could say an offhand thing about reverb, and to describe certain things.

Notably, Wei Ying’s track, sex.mp3 is loosely based around Trent Reznor’s and Atticus Ross’s soundtrack to The Social Network. I haven’t even talked about Trent Reznor, but he was also someone I considered deeply when I started thinking about making Wei Ying do electronic music. In case you don’t know, Reznor was the artist behind Nine Inch Nails, but in later years he moved on to more experimental things, including movie soundtracks. Side note, movie soundtracks and video games is where a lot of these experimental artists doing either minimalism, ambient, or electronica, or a combination of all three end up, and I ended up reading a lot about video game music.

But anyway, when I saw the Social Network, I came out of it 1) admiring Aaron Sorkin and wishing I didn’t admire Aaron Sorkin because he’s kind of a douche, 2) shipping Mark and Eduardo way too much for my comfort, 3) going HOLY SHIT THAT SOUNDTRACK. Turns out I was not alone in finding that soundtrack totally different and new compared to anything I have ever heard, because as it turns out, it really was—wait for it—revolutionary. I understand that I have now said that about Glass, Eno, Radiohead, and Aphex Twin, but hey, people are doing things in music. Like I get that pop and hiphop artists are revolutionizing their genres all the time, but also it is possible for music as we know it to be redefined, and it’s not just the weird shit you hear that sounds like noise (there is a place for the weird shit that sounds like noise, and Brian Eno is closer to it than any of the above mentioned; I am not dissing weird shit that sounds like noise, because it is part of how we get where we are going).

Anyway, I used this website’s essay about The Social Network’s piece, “In Motion” to describe some of the music and inform some commentary on it.

“East Meets West: A Musical Analysis of Chinese Sights and Sounds, by Yuankai BaoSounds, by Yuankai Bao” by Jiazi Shi

This was the only essay I found that really had the extremely niche technical jargon that I really wanted for the fic that was also about Chinese music. You’ll note that it’s about a Chinese composer who is, again, famous for marrying eastern and western tradition, but this was what I could find in English, and I searched a lot. You’ll note that Lan Zhan’s very specific comment about the key change is something very directly inspired by this grad school dissertation. You’ll also note that this is where I found “Flowing Stream,” including a description of the song and the lyrics.

Music. A lot of fics like this one will link you to a specific piece that the character is playing. I could not do that, because the music in my fic is very intentionally made up. As I have been saying, the whole point is that Wei Ying is pushing the boundaries, inventing music that does not exist. So is Lan Zhan, by the end. I listened to music to inspire the descriptions, but it is not what they are playing, and almost none of it is Chinese. I’d be very interested in finding some Chinese music that is working on some of the principles of minimalism and electronic that these pieces employ.

Aphex Twin – Stone In Focus

Now you’ve come to the climax—this is really the story of how I learned to love Aphex Twin. This piece makes me cry. It’s what I used to describe the piece that has the remix of Lan Zhan’s guqin piece from 12 years ago. Obviously, the guqin piece mentioned in the fic is the canonical piece, Wangxian, but I find Wangian in the drama cheesier than I want it to be, and this Aphex Twin piece doesn’t have the Wangxian part. It’s just the sad longing part before Wangxian enters, but you’ll also notice that there are no flutes! Again, this is not the piece Wei Ying wrote; it’s just what I used for the description.

I didn’t link to the YouTube video I was watching, because the video was a collection and this didn’t come on until after minute thirteen. But that video just has this very sad tunnel that looks like maybe it’s for a train, and the rain is falling, and that makes me cry as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHl4NVytGpo&t=1074s

Book featuring Ndidi O - Hold On, I'm Coming

Wait, you’re saying, this is not electronic/house/ambient at all; this is just a trick to get me to watch one of your favorite wangxian vids! You’re right! But frankly, I was not focused on the genre when describing the music; I was focused on getting the feel of it that I wanted. The opening sequence to this was what I used to describe the track they make love to. (Lan Zhan starts making out with him and kind of slowly humping him to the track with the wangxian remix, but then Lan Zhan demands he plays something else, and this is what I listened to to get the feel for it.)

This pieces is a cover, and frankly, I can’t find out much about it. But just thinking about it turns me on and makes me cry and makes me feel so much, I can’t do it too often.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – “In Motion,” from soundtrack to The Social Network

As noted above, this piece inspired sex.mp3, but I will say that the article I linked above about this piece, as well as the memory of the soundtrack itself, inspired descriptions more than listening to the piece itself. In the fic, sex.mp3 is initially described as “violent.” This was because I didn’t know if the track would play a big part in the fic, and then when it did, I really had to change to both to fit the meaning and the flavor I wanted; it became “anxiety inducing,” and that’s when it became “In Motion.” “In Motion,” however, is kind of too bright and peppy to really be sex.mp3, though I will say I was trying to listen to it just to write this section of the post, and I had to turn it off. It makes me SO anxious.

Philip Glass – soundtrack to The Hours

I’m linking the whole soundtrack, because in the fic Lan Zhan writes several related pieces, which is what this soundtrack is. I can’t even recommend one piece on this soundtrack, because it’s the thing as a whole that really makes you cry, and I can’t say I listened to a specific part of it to describe Lan Zhan’s music, because I know it so well that I only have to listen to a small piece to get all of it.

Flowing Water, played by Chen Leiji

The part this played in the fic is obvious. I listened to at least five versions of Flowing Stream/Flowing Water, and this is the one that I like the best. However, like all the renditions I listened to, the piece eventually becomes pretty complex and different than I wanted for Lan Zhan. In fact, what the narration describes as “showing off technique” is what I found in all recordings of this piece. I guess if you’re going to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on YouTube you’re going to do something impressive with it, but I will say this piece is still very close to what I wanted.

I will also say that when I searched for this piece, as well as several other traditional songs, the search results had a lost of stuff that said you can listen to these pieces for tranquility and calm and meditation. I suggest listening to this one as extremely passionate and longing, and you’re going to get a lot more from it. If you resign it to the background, yeah, it’s kind of nice. If you let each note really speak to you, you’re going to really ache in a beautiful way.

Brian Eno – Ambient 1, Music for Airports

After hearing so much about Eno and Music for Airports, I was a little afraid I wouldn’t like it. After all, this isn’t really my genre, and witness how long it took me to find something I liked by Aphex Twin. However, I really needed some inspiration for the piece Wei Ying composes after Lan Zhan breaks them up, so I started listening to it.

The opening to this album is not the heartbreaking thing that the fic describes. It in fact does break my heart, but that is because there is something so sweet about it, lonely and sweet, but also perfectly fine being by itself. This piece is like a child alone in a room, figuring out blocks. This piece is like a cat on a piano, content with its nonsense noise. This piece is what it’s like to be alone and to be fine with that, to love from afar and be fine with that. It still brings me to tears, listening to it.

Radiohead – Everything in its Right Place

Apparently I did not succeed in writing all the music without Radiohead. I will say it happened because I happened to be watching a TV show that just happened to use this song right when I needed something powerful. I was already thinking about them, because my BFF was listening to a podcast about In Rainbows, which explains the children shouting “Yay!” in 15 Step. I really wanted something other than rain to get sampled in Wei Ying’s music, and my brother has specifically used his children talking or his babies crying as samples. Once Lan Zhan knows about A-Yuan, I wanted to use that idea, so I listened to 15 Step again, which is far too peppy for what I needed. But then Everything In Its Right Place came on, and it’s actually way too melancholy for what I needed, but that doesn’t really matter; I just needed to get a few notes described, so this is what I used for inspiration for what Wei Ying plays Lan Zhan after he admits to being in love with him. I will just say that re-listening to this song really does remind me of just how much Kid A means to me, but also how much it means to, like, music. There was really nothing like it at the time.

I will end this post by saying that I am not, in fact, a "music" person. So many people need and rely on music to get them through tough times. I mostly don't care about it. I don't have a Spotify account, and I can't imagine taking the time to really curate playlists.

But one thing I can say about me and my tastes is that I'm interested in learning. I want to try new things and hear things that I haven't heard before. To be a little self-aggrandizing, I think that that's a good thing. I think it makes me a better person to work on listening to things that I'm a little unfamiliar with and learn what's great about them. I think I got to do that quite a bit writing this, even though in the end I used a lot of pieces I was familiar with to do the actual writing. I hope that maybe someone reads this and decides to listen to something new, just like I did.

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