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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Being an Agender, 1st-Gen Indian-American

I’m a first-generation immigrant, with both my parents being Indian immigrants. My mom immigrated to Canada before she came to America (when she was in her late twenties), and is a Canadian citizen. She was born and raised in Ahmedabad, a city in Gujarat. My dad moved to India when he was in his early twenties. He moved from Ahmedabad to Mumbai in his fifth standard, and moved from a Gujarati-medium school to an English-medium one.

My dad is more fluent in English than my mom, though they both are fluent and speak mostly without an accent. I speak Gujarati more-or-less fluently, since that’s what we spoke at home, but I can barely even write my name. I’m Hindu, as is my family, and a strict vegetarian. I’m agender, but I use she/her and they/them pronouns.

Beauty Standards

One of the biggest issues in the Indian-American community is the issue of body hair. I’m AFAB, so I was expected to have smooth, hairless legs and arms. The reality was rather different. Since the age of ten, I had more body hair than the boys in my class. I was mocked and called by the name of a TV animal character, whose name was a mispronunciation of my own. No one ever did anything about it. I was eight. My mother, though she meant well, pushed me into waxing and threading and other forms of hair removal since the day I turned eleven. Even now, as a fully-grown adult with my own apartment and my own life, I can’t bring myself to wear shorts or capris without having spent hours making sure my legs are smooth. Body hair is a huge issue that needs to be addressed more, and not just as a few wisps of blonde hair in the armpit region.

Food

It’s complicated. Growing up, we had thaalis (with roti, rice, sweet dal, and shaak [which is a mix of vegetables and spices]) for dinner almost every night. When we didn’t, it was supplemented with foods like pasta, veggie burgers, and khichdi. We made different types of khichdi each time, based off of different familial recipes that were all named after the family member who introduced them. My mom had to make milder food for my sister, and while my sister loves spicy foods now, I’m still not a big fan. A side effect of growing up in a non-white, vegetarian family is that no one in my family has any idea of what white non-vegetarians eat. Like, at all. It’s kind of funny, to be honest.

Holidays/Religion

My mom is a Vaishnav, and my dad is a Brahmin, so the way they both worship is very different. My dad’s family places a huge emphasis on chanting and prayer, as well as meditation. They mostly pray to capital-G G-d, as the metaphysical embodiment of Grace. My mom’s family, however, places emphasis on– I don’t want to say “idol worship" because of the negative connotations that has– but they worship to murtis, statues that represent our gods. My mom’s favored god to pray to is Krishna, and we have murtis in our home that she performs sevato every day.

We celebrate Janmashtmi, Holi, Diwali, Ganesha Puja, Lakshmi Puja– too many to count, really. We don’t always go all-out, especially on most of the smaller celebrations, but we do try and attend the temple lectures on those days, or host our own. We also celebrate Christmas and Easter secularly. I didn’t even know Christmas was a Christian holiday until I was in elementary school, and Easter until I was in high school.

Micro-Aggressions

Whooo, boy. Where do I start?

When my sister was in first grade, she had a friend. I’ll call her Mary. Mary, upon learning that my sister was not, in fact, Christian, brought an entire Bible to school and forced my sister to read it during recess, saying that otherwise, she wouldn’t be her friend anymore. Mary kept telling my sister that she would go to hell if she didn’t repent, and that our entire family was a group of “ugly sinners.” When my sister came to me for advice, I told her that Mary wasn’t her friend, that Mary wasn’t being nice, and that my sister wasn’t going to go to hell, and that we don’t even believe in hell. When my sister finally stood up to Mary and told her that she wasn’t going to listen to her anymore, Mary got angry and dumped a mini-carton of chocolate milk on her and told her that “now she looks like what she is– a dirty [the Roma slur term].” Not only was that inaccurate, it was extremely racist, and Mary was only reprimanded for the milk-spilling, not the racist remark that came with it.

On top of that, since I have long hair, I’m always getting asked if so-and-so can touch it, or what I do to get it so long, or why I allow myself to be “shaped by such backwards ideals of women.” My name is never pronounced correctly, and I’ve been asked to give people my “American name” to be called by instead of my actual name. I’ve been called a terrorist, asked why I wasn’t wearing a hijab (by white people btw), and mocked for my food. I’ve been told that I wasn’t “really Indian” because I didn’t have a dot on my forehead. I’ve been told I wasn’t “really Hindu” because I had milk on my plate, by a white boy whose mom was a leader of a local choir.

I grew up in a town where only 4-5% of the population was South Asian, and there were a total of five South Asians in my grade level. The school administration consistently and intentionally placed us in different classes, and I never made a friend that was South Asian until 7th grade. When I came to the school, I was placed in ESOL without even being tested, while also being in the Advanced Readers class. The school didn’t even care to look at my school records before placing me into ESOL based on the color of my skin.

Things I’d Like to See Less/More Of

I’d like to see less of the “nerd” stereotype, of the “weak, nonathletic” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “prude” stereotype, of the “I hate my culture/feel I don’t belong” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “rebellion” stereotype, of the “my parents are so strict and I hate them” stereotype. I never want to see the “unwanted arranged marriage” trope. Ever.

I want to see bulky, tall Indian characters. I’d like to see Indian characters confident in their sexuality, whether that’s not having sex (for LEGITIMATE reasons like risk of STDs, general awkwardness before and after The Deed, and wanting to wait, not “oh my parents said so and also I’m sheltered and innocent”), or having a new sexual partner every night.

I want Indian characters (especially children/teens!!!) proud of their culture and their heritage and their religion, whether that’s Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, or anything else. I want to see supportive Indian parents, I want to see more than chiding Indian grandmothers and strict Indian fathers. I want to see healthy arranged marriages, or healthy mixed-marriages. I want to see mixed Indian-POC couples, I want to see queer Indian couples.

I want to see body hair on female-presenting characters, I want to see more of India that isn’t “bustling market with the scent of spices in the air” and “poor slums rampant with disease” and “Taj Mahal”. I want to see casual mentions of prayer and Hinduism and Indian culture (a short “My mom’s at the temple, she can’t come pick us up” or a “what is it? i’m in the middle of a holi fight! eep! ugh, gulaab in my mouth” over a phone call, or a “she won’t answer until 12– she’s in her Bharatnatyam class/Gurukul class/doing seva/at the temple” would suffice). I want to see more Indian languages represented than just Hindi. There’s Tamil, Gujarati, Marathi, Nepali, and Kashmiri, just off the top of my head. The language your character speaks depends on the place they come from in India, and they might not even speak Hindi! (I don’t!)

I hate that Indian culture is reduced to “oppressive, strict, and prudish” when it's so much more than that. I hate that Indians are stereotyped to the point where it is a norm, and the companies reinforcing these stereotypes don’t take responsibility for their actions and don’t change. I hate the appropriation of Indian culture (like yoga, pronounced “yogh”, not “yo-gaaa” fyi, the Om symbol, meditation, and Shri Ganapathidada) and how normalized it is in Western society.

This ended up a lot longer than I had expected, but I hope it helps! Good luck with your writing :)

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caerulea-divilu · 3 years

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FYI: Spoilers ahead.

So, I know people are praising this weeks episode because they decided to give us fodder for the king. Yay he showed up. He was on screen. We've finally seen him. He's talking to Ahsoka at the end. He's helping start the rebel alliance. Big whoop dee do.

But we seem to be overlooking what everyone's been saying they wanted in exchange for yet again glorifying the deus ex machina on the show.

I read comment after comment about we want to see Echo and Rex on screen, we want them to talk about Fives, we want discussion between them.

Fun fact: they speak what one passing line to each other in regards to Fives and then it's back to Oh-hell-no.

This show is centered on that twerp. Don't believe me? Hunter literally says to Rex "its not about us anymore". As if this show was ever anything more than recyclable plots where Oh-shut-up goes against what Hunter says and then saves them anyway. Which is interesting for a special force team who's gone on so many missions Hunter's lost count and had a 100 percent success rate, yet now they can't figure out which end of the blaster is up. And people will argue that they've never dealt with the Empire, but we forget the Seppies are the Empire and so far were batting just about 0-7 on how well the team can handle things. (While Oh-my-Gawd has a perfect 7-0) But I digress.

My point is, I read so many posts about Rex and Echo's reunion and what people wanted. Now people are wearing rose colored glasses because Rex shows up in ONE episode and we've forgotten we wanted all these other things.

Where is Crosshair? Do the creators even know he exists? I do. I remember. I'm still looking for you, Crosshair. I want your story. I want to know what you're up to. I want to see your redemption arc. And if they kill you off as part of that shame on them.

Why did Rex and Echo act like they pretty much didn't know each other? Sure, Wrecker gave Rex a big hug, but Echo? Echo who he spent countless hours with? Echo who he created strategies with? The same Echo he watched grow from shiny to ARC trooper? Echo who he went on a crazy mission just to save because only HE believed Echo has to be alive? THAT ECHO???

And then we just sweep Fives under the rug. How much does Filoni hate him to keep doing him so dirty?

And why is Echo yet AGAIN getting sidelined? Every single week. I've read how people are upset because he's disabled, etc. Totally support. We also forget that Echo is an ARC trooper. He's capable of so much more than they've currently reduced him to. Funny how Pixar could show Nemo with his fin doing great things, or Hiro was allowed to be a smart kid but also grieve over Tadashi. Echo, on the other hand or socket, seems to be worthless to the writing team (and I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up dead in order to save the brat). Clearly there's no regard for him and never was.

Wrecker, who laughed when the LAAT/i was going down in s7e1, was suddenly terrified of crashing in an earlier episode, which brings me to another side note that the writing and characterization is SOOOO inconsistent. Like, they can't remember anything they've done.

Case in point Rex is suddenly a generation 1 clone? There's evidence to prove otherwise, but okay.

Tech is shoved off to being some stereotypical asshat who finally remembered to finish the chip machine this week because the plot suddenly needed it. Usually, he's just short and snippy. A far cry from his character setup in season 7 where he was intelligent and adorably nerdy.

Hunter is...dad. That's it. He's not a leader. The only time he shows off his skills is when Oh-kill-joy is gone. I mean, I really have never seen him use the enhancement they said he has. God forbid I see the awesome knife throw maniac this man is and fully see how his enhancement works.

Again, all the boys have to be shoved into the background to let the Mary Sue shine since week after week comes to the rescue of boys who are supposed to be an elite squad.

What was marketed, is not what was given. We were told it would be about The Bad Batch and you might argue that it is, but again, Hunter says this week it's not about them. When a character is telling you something like that, it's best to listen to the writers. They're letting us know god-sue will continue to save them week after week and I wouldn't be surprised if the others died to spare her.

She is no Grogu, but they're pretending like she's that loveable and important.

I might reorganize these thoughts later. Might add. I like pictures, they make things pretty, but currently, I'm so irritated over what happened between Rex and Echo and how they did my boys dirty I could spit. I'll probably rewatch stupid for my boys and say something later about that.

Anyway, what a pity.

At least there's fanfiction...

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shiggityontherocks · 5 years

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Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I hate the episode Family Ties. Like I hate 90% of it. The beginning to me is very cringe worthy the exchange between Cam and Sam and Vala is almost patronizing. Like, I’m a team player, I’m all for team bonding and stereotypical woman things being appealing and fun for all women--like these two women kick so much ass and it’s cool they can relax with Starbucks and shopping--but it just seems so force fed and patronizing. Like “oh there’s something you don’t see everyday” like no shit cuz I’m here saving the world with you so no I don’t wear high heels and get a chance to wear scarves because the last time I did, Daniel fucking took it.

It just could’ve been written SO much better.

Also like WTF is up with everyone just trusting Vala’s dad more than they trust her. She’s been with the team for about 1 1/2-2 years and she’s never been off base without anyone (except for when she lost her memory, and a scene in this episode oddly enough), but like her dad just gets a fucking apartment, and money, and multiple chances to stop the conning?

And all the men, all of them except for my precious Teal’c, tell her to go and talk to her dad.

NO.

That is NOT how toxic relationships work. She’s obviously distanced herself from him, she doesn’t plead, but asks that he not be brought back, and Landry tells her to go talk to him, Daniel takes her to go see him, and then admits that yeah her dad is trash, and he literally says that Jacek isn’t his dad so fuck that noise amiright.

Like fuck all y’all.

What should’ve happened is:

that Daniel should’ve apologized to Vala for his part of taking her there, and allow her the right to choose if she’d like a relationship with her shit bag papa.

Cam, as the team leader and friend, should’ve done everything he could to limit contact between Jacek and Vala, I don’t know how it is in other countries but in my country we have workplace regulations where you can go to your boss and be like, “Hi, so my dad is an abusive piece of shit and I don’t want him anywhere near me” and your boss, if they aren’t a garbage factory, will be like, “Thanks for telling me. If he shows up I’ll have the police escort him safely off the property” (FYI this could be for stalkers or exes or anyone you don’t feel safe around). Also Cam DEFINITELY would have done something to help the poker ladies out, because he loved his grandma and they’re all his grandma now.

Landry should’ve seen her at the end of the episode or the next day and been like, “Look I was projecting some shit on you cuz I kinda suck as a dad too, but like you’re doing good kid” and Vala could’ve been like, “you do kinda suck but you’re actually trying you Rygel looking mother fucker, you’re doing good too” and they would’ve had more respect for each other.

Sam and Teal’c were perfect angels and I’m video taping them from the audience and crying because they’re so good.

Anyway, this ends my Ted Talk on why this episode is a piece of misogynistic shit and definitely do not suggest anyone (who values your opinion) should ever reunite with an abusive (emotionally/psychically/mentally) parent/family member.

Now I’m gonna rewrite/add certain scenes to make this an acceptable and woman loving episode.

#Family Ties #stargate sg-1 #Stargate #SG-1 #vala mal doran #cameron mitchell #Daniel Jackson #teal'c #Samantha Carter #General Landry #misogyny #Bad Writing #Not really victim blaming #Maybe a little

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rantingnbanting · 5 years

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It’s finally time

Spider-Man: Far From Home Movie Review

Hee hee i had a shit ton of this done already and then my dumbass accidentally closed the tab so yeah :’)

For some reason, this took me so long to want to write. I saw the movie this afternoon, and it’s almost midnight as I’m writing this. Granted, I am on vacation and was a little busy, but I just needed time to process this movie. The movie seemed really dense to me, and I just had to scroll through tumblr looking at other posts to finally get the nerve to write this.

So, the moment you’ve all been waiting for...

***SPOILER WARNING. MAJOR PLOT POINTS AND THE ENDING OF THIS WILL BE DISCUSSED SO IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS DO NOT CONTINUE***

Just as an FYI, I saw this with my sister, a fan of the MCU, and my dad, a diehard DC fan but just saw this for shits and giggles. And I will be referencing endgame a lot during this too.

- Did I like it?

Yeah!!!! I loved the humor in it, and the plot was well written. Mysterio is an awesome character in this, though he is a villain.

- What didn’t I like?

(I’ll go into more detail later) The cgi in this, the lack of some of the topics introduced in endgame, the casts’ age, and some of the Peter X MJ scenes (I said some! I do love Peter and MJ together!)

- Pacing?

Honestly? Pretty good for a marvel movie. Marvel usually has some issues with pacing *cough cough endgame cough cough*, but I was thoroughly impressed with this one. Everything seemed well drawn out, and I was never left feeling that a certain scene was too long/short. Kudos because that I am very picky with pacing lol

- Humor

This movie is probably one the funniest movies in the MCU, and it was one of the most memorable aspects of the movie. The morning announcements made my sister and myself wheeze and I had tears rolling down my face as I cackled. Ned and Betty were the truest presentation of Highschool romance I have ever seen. Starting on a whim, being attached to the hip for a few weeks (maybe even a few months), and then breaking up. I honestly loved them together. I’m happy they didn’t go down the “sad and neglected best friend” route with Ned because he deserves so much better. “I’m strong and sticky” made my stomach hurt because I was laughing so hard. PETER BITCH-SLAPPING FLASH WHEN HE WOULDNT GIVE BACK THE GLASSES. AHDHDBDJDHDJ

- plot?

I thought the plot was really clever. Like I said earlier, anyone could see mysterio’s real side from a mile away, but the way they went about the conflict and the climax of the story was very interesting as well. The only thing is that when they were first explaining the secret plan and thinking everyone, I got a little lost. I did finally realize how the bots produce an illusion, but I kind of had to figure that on my own. I was confused how things were being broken and destroyed by the creatures, but the team said that nothing was actually getting broken because it’s all just an illusion. Idk there were some plot holes, but they got mostly filled, so I’m not worried about it lmao.

- Favorite character?

While I do love Ned with every fiber of my being, he just didn’t have the same spark that he did in homecoming. Maybe that’ll change as I see the movie again, but my favorite character in this movie was definitely Mysterio. Jake Gyllenhaal is a phenomenal actor, and I don’t think anyone could have pulled off Mysterio like he did. As I assume most of the internet knows, Mysterio is an actual villain in the Spider-Man comics, and he has powers that create illusions, and I thought that this was a really cool way to portray Mysterio with making him a person. Even without knowing that Mysterio is a villain in the comics, it wasn’t that difficult to predict that he would reveal that he’s a villain. Thinking back, there was a part during the the fight with the fire monster in Prague when something broke off of the Ferris wheel, and I thought to myself “damn, it was almost like the Ferris wasn’t really there” And the illusion scene was by far the coolest scene in the entire movie. It gave me strong Doctor Strange vibes (I wonder why I like I so much lmao) and it showed how vulnerable Peter is. But Mysterio has the aura that just made you love to hate him, and I love characters like that.

- Soundtrack?

It was awesome. Mysterio’s theme is definitely the best. I actually listened to the soundtrack before I saw the movie, and it was cool to hear some of the familiar tunes. It would fucking awesome to hear an ensemble perform the Far From home suite live.

- Peter and MJ

Okay, I understand what they were trying to do with their relationship: display a typical, awkward high school relationship. Ngl, they kind of overdid the awkwardness. Not every relationship is both people constantly stuttering and muttering when they’re next to each other. And that fuckin kiss. It made me so uncomfortable. Me and my sister literally looked at each other and said, “That was the most awkward thing I have ever seen in my entire life” after the kiss. I like that the writers were trying to break from the stereotypical high school relationship, but I do think they overdid the awkwardness a bit.

- WHERE THE HELL WAS MORGAN STARK

HOW DARE YOU RIP A FATHER FROM A BOY AND GIRL AND NOT HAVE THEM INTERACT AT ALL. This is probably one of my biggest critiques because this movie makes it look like they introduced Morgan just to take her away. Same with Harley! Imagine how awesome peter and Harley could be together.

- CGI

Okay, I blame my dad for this. He was the one who introduced me to CGI (Computer-generated imagery) and how to spot it. In marvel movies, CGI is not uncommon, especially in the fight scenes. And I honestly did not give endgame enough credit when it came to CGI hulk. He looked absolutely phenomenal, but I have to say that a good amount of the CGI in this movie was rough. I always say, if you can tell it’s CGI, then it’s bad CGI. It’s really hard to explain, but if something looks like it belongs in a video game rather than in a live action movie, then the CGI is pretty rough. It takes experience to learn how to point it out. Mysterio didn’t look bad the entire time, but some shots of him floating (like the rooftop scene) just looked so fake. And the swinging scene at the end was absolutely horrendous. It looked like MJ was swinging with the peter from the ps4 videogame. The background imagery and the elemental monsters looked real for the most part, and they looked great and real. Just some character mods were really wonky.

- Cast

Okay, I’m going to just say it. What the fuck was that cast? To me, everyone looked so much older than the first one. Like I get it that some of them were “blipped” and aged, but holy shit Ned and peter looked so much older than in the first movie. And, holy shit, Peter is ripped in this movie. I know Tom mentioned in an interview that he was more buff in this movie compared to homecoming, but he was so much more, for lack of better phrasing, wide.

I mean, come on

If the next movie is set in high school again, I honestly have no idea what they will do because, right now, Tom is 23 and Zendaya is 22. And yes I get it that it’s not that old, but if the next one is going to wait 2 years at least for the next Spider-Man movie, they’ll be less like high school students and more like adults.

And while I would have been extremely pissed if they changed the cast, I’m just kind of peeved on how mature the cast looked.

- Ending?

The first ending was what everyone wanted. I could have left the theater then and would have been perfectly fine. But I had to watch the end credits scenes. And then my world crumpled. Hearing Mysterio reveal Peter was so surreal. Almost too surreal... but that’s for another post ;). It provides for a great cliffhanger, but it makes me wonder how they’re going to continue the MCU from here. Obviously, they’re going to do the Black Widow Movie and Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 (hopefully) but what next? Is there going to be another “avengers” movie? If so, what about Peter? Bc he’s in quite the pickle rn. And the pair credits scene just confused me ngl. So, Fury and Hill were never actually there? It does make sense why fury didn’t catch onto some things, but it does allow for some interesting conversations. This plus BARF equals who knows what for the future because this stuff is practically the reality stone. No one knows what’s real or not. And that’s scary. Also, does the multiverse exist? I know Beck and his crew made some stuff up for the purpose of tricking Fury and Peter, but the avengers still used the quantum realm to time travel, and who knows what types of alternate universes that created.

What does the future hold? No one knows

But it does allow for interesting theories ;)

Side note: I really noticed the resemblance in these in ffh

Hey marvel please introduce Deadpool played by Ryan Reynolds into the MCU thansk ily

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bellinghamfree-blog · 5 years

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Estranged, Gay, and Unforgiving

I truly do not understand the mentality of how society continuously pushes everyone to forgive and forget. For me, it is a sham to think I am in the wrong with I did nothing wrong in my life to deserve to be treated like an after thought and a second rate human being just because I am gay. I’ve never once stabbed anyone in the back, never betrayed one’s trust, never plotted or implemented anything that could be considered “malicious”, “evil”, “abusive”, “cruel” in any mental, emotional, financial, or physical way. It simply goes against everything I believe that I cannot HURT anyone in any way because I know from experience what as I call it, a “slow” abuse is about.

I was never abused in any fashion by my parents or my brother and I did have our skirmishes but what I noticed is that as I entered my 30′s (I’m 40 now) is after I came out to the family 12 years ago, I was consistently treated as they were ashamed of me. Whenever there was a family gathering...no input needed from me about what I thought, whenever there was a dinner/birthday, etc...no input needed from me again. I literally watched as I was slowly and methodically pushed out of their lives piece by piece, family event after family event, and on and on it went. Then of course was the shame of me, the youngest of two sons (no sisters), who didn’t have a date to bring or a boyfriend. And not ONE SINGLE TIME did they ever ask “have you met anyone”..you know..at least try and show you give a partial shit about me...something my cousins did and still do to this day. Never once. I mean, who the hell does that to their child? Then of course for every event/gathering I just didn’t feel like being at since I began to be treated like a fifth wheel, they would throw the guilt at me “Oh you missed your sister in laws parents birthday party (like honestly who cares about that anyway!)”, or if I didn’t agree with them on the same politics, or religious views. Yeah, about that last one..

No matter how much they said they “loved me” they made it abundantly clear that I “chose” to be gay and how no matter what good I did on this Earth, that I would burn in hell for eternity. Its amazing how people can master the art of convincing themselves that they are perfect and never make mistakes or some even have a self awareness of their faults, but they still treat their own family like an outcast. I came to the conclusion 3 years ago that I was ignored and I should accept my brother was doing a little better financially, and he was the golden child, he was the straight man who was married with kids and I was the piece of shit single faggot who just needed to “go away”. Its a story that’s been played out across the country too many times. And so in 2016 I reached the end of my patience and began the plan to relocate across the country more than 2,800 miles away to a whole different life.

After I informed everyone of my intentions..you guessed it... their judgement at near universal agreement of: “That’s stupid, why leave when your family is here, you’ll never be happy there, figures you would go to a more gay friendlier part of the U.S.,” and about 50 other different reactions, but you get the picture here.

In early 2018 I left, and at that point I hadn’t spoken to my parents or brother in nearly a year. Even when my dog passed away in February, and he was my kid as I had him (a resue) for 11 years and everyone knew how much he meant to me, guess who never called once...yup..the same 3, even after my cousins and coworkers...yeah..my coworkers for crying out loud, all offered their sympathy..but not a peep from the three people supposedly closest to me.

Upon moving across the country, I had to admit to myself that as a gay man, I was never going to be loved by my parents or brother again and their ignoring of me all but proved it. After I got settled in my new home, a year went by when yesterday I called them, and instead of the classic “oh you need to forgive them, just to allow yourself to heal”. Lord knows I didn’t do anything of the sort. You see, there is no way when the day comes when I have a child that I could ever turn my back on them because of who they are. For me, to do such a thing is about the lowest thing one can do to another person especially when that person is your own damn child. Sure everyone has to grow up and move on with their lives but when you have only one sibling, only 2 parents, and you live in the same town, one would thing.. YOU DON’T IGNORE THEM! Never once did I take any actions towards them or anyone else in my life to have any judgement placed on me that I was a bad person. I never made bad personal choices that were self destructive. Drugs, alcohol, crime...sorry...never had any experience with it. I made a few bad financial decisions..but nothing catastrophic and I learned from them, but I never brought any of those issues to them as if you are an adult, you make any bad decisions, you deal with them as they are YOUR responsibility especially when your independent as I have been my adult life.

Back to that phone call... So yesterday instead of getting all “i understand your not comfortable with me” or some other cliched speech many would tell them if in my place, I unloaded on them. What I thought was going to be a very emotional call in terms of me just balling or getting all into “well listen to mom and dad and let them say how you are wrong..yadda yadda yadda” never materialized. I cut loose and let them have it. And I didn’t mince words. The one thing I told them and I think it might have literally broke the hearts was when I said “I look at what you two and your true son whose also a sellout to money have become and it sickens me that you three are nothing more than charlatans in every sense of the word” “You three are such hypocrites that over the past 12 years you wanted me to be there to make you all feel better at your convenience but to make sure I keep my gayness away as long as I don’t stir up anything” (FYI, I have never fit into any gay stereotype as I am just a gay man who you wouldn’t even know was gay unless I told ya...the guy who loves bowling, sports, hunting, fishing, hiking, the gay guy who never has been ONCE into pride, drag, fashion, etc). And then at the end of the phone call I told them how I felt...that I truly hated them and any love for them died 2 years ago and how I want to hold on to that anger, hate, rage inside of me for the rest of my days, not so I can use it against them, but to use it as a reminder of how they have made me feel for years. In holding to that anger and wearing it like a badge of honor, I can use it as a reminder every day for the rest of my life of how NOT to treat people I encounter. I have always believed in the golden rule and to treat others as you want to be treated.

And then I hung up. And that was and forever shall be the last time I talk to my parents and over 2 years since I last talked to my brother. Now that I am estranged from my family...sure it hurts...knowing I had to end my 40 years of knowing them when no child truly wants to leave their family. But in my case I did what most people all through history didn’t have the guts/balls to do.. know when to just walk away and shut that door on the life that was more full of misery than happiness. As for forgiving them for the way they treated me for over a decade...nope...that will NEVER happen. They are adults and they can make choices and with those choices they can reap the rewards or consequences of their decisions. In their case, when they are on their death beds, I will not be there. If my brother dies early, they won’t have another son to reach out to. I simply will not go into that life again. Too many people deal with that type of “slow abuse” to some of the most obscene physical/mental abuse imaginable, and yet they stay only because its the only life they have known and they are too scared to just leave it all. Since my move, I have been much happier and experienced more joys in the past year than in the previous 20. And finally confronting my parents once and for all and taking charge of that phone call so they could hear my anger in all its pure fury form gave me the release I have so needed. It took a massive weight off my shoulder and now the future is what I, and I ALONE make of it. Will I find a guy to finally share my life with and have a family..who knows. But if I do, you can bet when they ask about where I come from I will simply answer, I have no parents or siblings as I will never expose them to the hate, disgust and intolerance of my family.

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retro-pure-jdonica · 6 years

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Everything Wrong With The Peathers Pilot

Ok so I wrote this as I was watching the pilot so there’s probably a lot of spelling errors but just bear with me here

CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER PLOT ISSUES

The episode opens by playing Que sera sera and zooming in on a croquet set on a front porch before going into the house where we see Shannon Doherty with a red scrunchie, all things that suggest that Heathers (1989) occurred and this is Heather Duke now but then they’re like lol jk that’s jds mom

Speaking of jds mom, they have her kill herself by lighting the house on fire and shooting herself, nothing involving his father’s business which messes with why jd dislikes his father

They COMPLETELY switched the characters of Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. When Heather McNamara starts talking in the lunchroom Heather Chandler says “god Heather, are we already making this about you?” But says nothing bitchy to Heather Duke

Heather Chandler is some social justice warrior and it’s awful. We meet Ram when he is in the cafeteria wearing a shirt that says “Remington squaws” with a (very very red skin toned) depiction of a Native American and Heather is like “ummmmm that’s so offensive. I know that kid over there and he is 1/16th “First Nations peoples”” and when the kid stands up to say it doesn’t offend him she yells at him “this isn’t about you” (bonus in the background they tried to recreate that airy chime kinda music from the original and its shit)

J.D. has been in Sherwood for a while. He doesn’t move from school to school because of his dads business, he keeps getting expelled

At the art exhibit (equivalent to Remington party/Kurt homecoming party) Veronica meets this guy named Jacob who they very purposefully dressed like jd (trench coat, dark hair) and then she asks him if he has a car and then it cuts to him eating her out in a car while she sits on her phone?????? I don’t even know?????

Instead of throwing up on Heather Chandler, Veronica dumps a giant bottle of hull clean on her

Jd and Veronica don’t have sex???? They are in no form of relationship so when jd kills Heather Chandler, Veronica has absolutely no reason to stay with him at all which is just SHIT PLOT PEATHERS GET IT TOGETHER

Jd has only lived in THREE states, NOT SEVEN, NOT TEN, THREE!!! They totally screwed over his background with this and with his mom’s Suicide so now he only has shitty motives. Also, his dad isn’t Big Bud Dean Construction, it’s Big Bud Dean Oil and Gas????

Jd and Veronica don’t give Heather Chandler a bottle of drain cleaner, he pulls an ich luge type thing with some “vomit inducing pills Hitler carried around”. Then when Heather Chandler “dies” he’s like oh crap I must have given her the wrong pills but it’s GENUINE. JD SERIOUSLY DID NOT TRY TO KILL HEATHER CHANDLER but then SURPRISE at the end of the episode we see Heather Chandler wake up because she actually didn’t die because jd did give her the vomit pills, the pills just somehow made her pass out which they weren’t supposed to. Also, she saw that Veronica and jd tried to fake her Suicide (they posted her Suicide note on Instagram and she would remember them coming to her house) but then sees that the post got 27 million likes so she decides to not snitch them out because she’s famous but from now on ANY PERSON THAT “KILLS THEMSELVES” AND JD AND VERONICA SET UP TO LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE, HEATHER CHANDLER WILL KNOW IT WAS JD AND VERONICA SO I DONT KNOW HOW THEY’RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING WITH THAT BUT ALRIGHT

You may be thinking, how did JD get Heather Chandler to take a pill? Well, HE PUT IT IN A BAG OF CORN NUTS AND DARED HER TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG IN FIVE SECONDS OR ELSE HE WOULD POST A PICTURE OF HER WITH A NAZI CAP ON. Also on this topic, they had Heather Chandler start gagging before crashing through the glass table but she shouldn’t be gagging, if anything she should be choking from the food and she would have bitten into the pill while eating the corn nuts and it’s a whole mess peathers please get your story straight

At school after Heather Chandler’s “suicide” all of the students are like “omg this is so sad(for the most part, they are still kinda making it about themselves)” and Mrs. Flemming is like “look at all of the publicity about this” which is just??? So wrong????

After Heather Chandler “dies” Betty Finn takes over the role instead of Heather Duke???? AHHHHH WHAT and when Veronica invites betty over for croquet she’s like “Ummm, I’m busy” like wtf peathers you cant make up an ENTIRELY new character and just call her Betty??? This Betty does not have a single similar characteristic to the original Betty except for the fact that she and Veronica were friends in elementary school, like this Betty used to be friends with Heather Chandler and UGH

Okay jd SMILES while telling Veronica in detail how his mother killed himself, Do I even need to explain how wrong this is??

MISUSED AND ALTERED QUOTES

Lick it up fatty, lick it up (bonus, which was followed by: d-did you just fat shame me in public??)

If you’re gonna openly be a flooze

What is your bother wound, Heather? (What does that even mean????)

Corporate monogamy keeps me sane

Big Bud Dean Oil and Gas

I’m gonna be experimenting with lesbianism at (some place) instead of (another place)

SHITTY REFERENCES

The matches jds mom uses to light the house on fire say “hot probs” on the box

At the art exhibit, Veronica and Heather Chandler go to, two of the pieces are a bottle of “hull clean” liquid drainer and a massive replica of the book “The Bell Jar”

Big fun is a chip brand

MISCELLANEOUS

They replaced “very” with “just” and only in this episode they said just 4 times, JUST IN THIS EPISODE

J.D. literally says the phrase “my dear” 4 times JUST IN THIS EPISODE and he’s giving off these Walmart Great Value knockoff type Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo and Juliet vibes and I hate it it’s so weird

Heather Chandler refers to Ram as “the Auschwitz of hate that goes on in Westerburg”

Heather McNamara isn’t even a lesbian! She lied about it to seem cool (Do I even need to explain how terrible and inaccurate and demonizing this is?)

Heather Duke literally says “oh my clit”

Heather Chandler literally says “what the queef”

“Let’s snort Adderall, make out, and get slushies”- JD, again, do I even need to explain?

Kurt gives Ram all of the shit jd and Veronica use at the fake Suicide in the movie to cheer him up (the candy dish, stud puppy, etc) also if you haven’t heard by now, Kurt is gay

Okay, at the 7-11 when JD is saying “a pile of dirt” he looks Veronica up and down liKE WHAT?????

“Sad face emoji, pill emoji, the powerful last words of Heather Chandler” -some teacher

When jd and Veronica are going to post a video on Heather Chandler’s Instagram to make the Suicide more believable (Okay it literally pained me to write that), Veronica says “oh my god I can’t believe we’re doing this, also trim the video it will get more views if it’s under ten seconds”???? This is so terrible (bonus jd responds to this with “That’s my girl” and ew) (bonus bonus after they finish setting up the Suicide Veronica says “come on, we’re gonna be late for school” ugh peathers stop making the show into a massive joke)

FOR LIKE A THIRD OF THE EPISODE VERONICA IS WEARING THESE OVAL SPARKLY BLUE SUNGLASSES AND THEY LOOK LIKE THEY’RE STRAIGHT OUT OF 2007 AND I HATE IT

When writing in her diary, Veronica starts to write “I’m just a … girl who has been manipulated by a guy into-“ which is very true for actual Heathers but then cuts off and says “no that sounds like I’m enforcing gender stereotypes” and I don’t know if that was supposed to be some shitty commentary about the original but WHAT

They tried to pull a dream scene for Veronica where everything is weird but it was terrible, everyone was wearing red plastic glasses and pointing at Veronica and pop music was playing, it was a mess

Okay the Heathers keep doing this thing where they unnecessarily say the other one’s name while talking (like in the opening for Heathers (1989) where Heather Chandler says “no Heather, it’s Heathers turn” but they do it almost every single line and it’s really annoying)

Also I don’t know if this was on purpose, judging by the mental capacity of the producers it probably wasn’t, but after Heather Chandler dies when Betty is walking down the hall with her gang it plays the same music that was playing when the Heathers first walk into the cafeteria and I don’t know if that was meant to show that Betty is officially the new Heather Chandler but I HATE IT

When Veronica goes to jds house after Heather Chandler’s “death” jds dad walks in with a FUCKING SHAKE WEIGHT and they do the weird father-son switch thing but jd gets his dad to leave by saying some shit like “your presence was wonderful but my girlfriend and I would like to engage in sexual intercourse now” and just, what the fuck?????

YO I DONT KNOW HOW THEY GOT AWAY WITH THIS BUT FOR THE CLOSING FRAME THEY JUST SHOW THE WORD HEATHERS AND LITERALLY PLAY A SLIGHTLY SHITIER VERSION OF THE STRANGER THINGS OPENING TRACK BUT ITS ALMOST THE EXACT SAME

Just FYI, this in Arial font size 11 is FOUR PAGES LONG and this is just the first episode

#heathers #peathers #not my heathers #heathers 2018 #heathers tv show #heathers the musical #burn it #kill it with fire

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theanxiouscupcake · 6 years

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2/7!!! SERIOUSLY WHY DO I NEED THIS SO BAD

Oh boy, this took a while, I’m so sorry. Tough times, if I’m being honest with you.

The prompt mash-up of - Royal AU + Florist AU - from this list.

And also it took a lot of debating, choosing who was to be royal and who was to be the florist. Jess seemed right for the princess and also the florist, but Nick seemed not at all right for a florist. (Don’t @ me about male stereotypes, I promise it was simply because it didn’t seem very in-character for him, lol.)

So here it is!!! (I wrote this in a haze so there’re bound to be loopholes. Forgive me.)

[ This is really fuckin’ long and my fever addled brain cannot be bothered to cut it down lol (would be a slow burn fic if written, so you can imagine), and if this pops unwanted on your dashboard and if you want to skip this, press the ‘J’ key. I’m not able to, for some Tumblr-y reason, insert a cut here. ]

Title: Lilies

Nicholas II is set to get engaged to Caroline (an American, not a royal), daughter of his mother’s bestfriend. He doesn’t want to get married but Caroline does.

Nick has always been private, and the state he’s from is quite small, so he’s not particularly “famous”. Everyone knows the Royal Miller family because of Walt’s flamboyancy, though.

In an effort to get him more involved with the wedding, Bonnie gets Nick to take up responsibility for at least one aspect

N: *eye roll* Like I actually have a say. Do what you want, Ma.B: Of course you have a say! It’s your wedding!!N: How about we change the bride?B: Nicky! N: *mutters* I was just… joking…B: *glares at him* N: Fine. I’ll be more “involved”. What do you have for me?B: *completely relaxed now, excited even* I still haven’t decided on… the flowers?N: *sighs* How about… I don’t know… Lilies? B: Are you sure? I was thinking roses would be- *cue turtle face* Alright, fine. Lilies. You’re in charge of the flowers for this wedding, then. N: What? Ma, come one, why don’t you just-B: Nick, you need to be more involved. I’m asking you take care of just the flowers for the wedding or would you rather handle the guests and-N: No! Fine. Flowers. Flower only.

He does a little research online and finds Jess’s flower store, which recently gained popularity in lilies - procuring fresh ones as well as in floral arrangements; he books an appointment online.

Jess and Cece conversation about the exciting prospect of having a royal as Jess’s client; Spencer is uninterested; Cece clearly doesn’t like him and think Jess is too good for hi

Nick and Caroline meet at a restaurant - breakfast date - sort of updating each other on the wedding stuff. It’s very clear that Caroline is very interested in this marriage and Nick really isn’t.

After the “date”, He shows up at Jess’s store - Here, he bumps into her outside as she’s carrying multiple bouquets of lilies with Spencer trailing behind her, hands in his pocket. The lilies fall and Jess is really angry because they were for a “client” and she yells at Nick (who is at the moment, looking at Jess like “omg so beautiful”) and both of them have a yelling match eventually till Jess huffs and muttering that she’s late, hurries inside.

Jess changes out of her stained clothes and hurries to the office where she’s shook at seeing Nick; but still doesn’t really apologize or anything.

J: *shrugging* Prince or not, it was your fault.

Nick is amused by her “IDGAF who you are” attitude and is purposely cheeky as hell with her. She tries to ask him what sort of bouquets/lilies/arrangements he needs so she can pre-order and she realizes that he literally has no idea what he’s doing.

J: You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?N: *sigh* No. I mean… they’re flowers, I thought I was just supposed to pick but Ma made me in charge of The Flowers and Everything to do with it.J: Why don’t you ask your fiancee to help?[ Don’t have the entire convo in my head, but it’s clear Nick is trying to get her to offer to help him ] N: *turtle face* She wants me to be more… involved. I need to do this myself.J: Well, alright then. Just FYI, you’re terrible at it :)N: I’m aware. If I could just…. *sigh* I don’t know…J: Alright, fine. I’ll help you out with this, you’re welcome.N: Great. I will pay you double. I’ll see you at Orange Blossom Cafe tomorrow at 8 am and we’ll drive to the wedding location.

Next day, Nick and Jess drive down to the venue location - a lakeside open place, perfect for summers.

Jess is clearly entranced and while Jess walks around in awe, Nick watches her in, you know, awe. Struck by her eyes, the contrast with the lake, her yellow sundress against the green grass and such. - “This is just an objective observation,” he tells himself.

On their way back, she brings up Nick’s disinterest (displayed by how he doesn’t have an opinion about things about the wedding, or doesn’t have any idea as to what is hapening.)

He is like it’s none of your business and starts to get mad -

J: Well, if your Royal Majesty thinks it’s a private issue, just say so. There’s no need to yell. N: That’s not even the right title! And it’s not an issue. I’m marrying my childhood…friend. J: *laughs, unable to help herself* You’re marrying your friend? N: *purses his lips and drives quietly, clearly disturbed*

They part ways; Caroline comes to Jess’s office to have a look at the plans - they small talk - Caroline’s nice. A little worried and nervous; she might actually have some feelings for Nick - Caroline seems happy that Nick came up with this stuff though it’s actually Jess and Jess feels a little bad, even feels a little guilty for lying. That’s who Jess is.

Jess later talks to Cece how messed up it is because Nick only thinks she’s a friend while Caroline actually might feel otherwise (Remember that so far, Nick is just a royal/client that Jess speculates about with friends. Dare I say, gossip? Not mean spirited though. She wonders how difficult it must all be, the obligations and stuff like that)

Bonnie decides to organise a small engagement party - a second one - for the benefit of Caroline’s American friends. Since it’s an impromptu decision, Jess is called in for a great pay for the floral arrangements (+ invitation to the engagement) and she works late nights for three nights in a row.

With Nick overseeing it of course, and also because he’s being courteous. Over prep nights, they become friends; also interactions between Jess and Caroline, Nick and Spencer.

Over these nights, they get closer and they talk about things - Nick wants to be an author, Jess’s mother wanted her to be a teacher but this just appealed to her more; her father had a green thumb.

They talk about exes, Nick’s friendship with Caroline, Jess’s relationship with Spencer.

(In their heads: Jess can see that Nick doesn’t care for Caroline that way and wants to tell him that he deserves love but zips it. Nick feels Jess deserves better than Spencer)

Night before the Engagement 2.0, Jess finishes early so Nick offers to drop her back home. He waits in the driveway till she disappears into the house and drives away. When Jess enters the house, she realizes Spencer’s been cheating on her.

Cece forces Jess to go to the party and is also Jess’s +1 because she needs to get her mind off Spencer. (Cece meets Schmidt here). Jess looks hella pretty (Like in Season 1′s Wedding episode) but Nick notices that something’s really off with her and eventually finds her crying in the toilet.

Conversation in the photobooth - flipped Wedding - Engagement party ends with Jess dancing the chicken dance to Groovy Kind of Love. Reluctant Nick joins as Cece drags Schmidt in, who peer pressures Nick. Caroline on the sidelines, watching quietly.

Next day, like in the show, he and Cece help her get her things back (Nick even plays the “I’m a royal” card). Cece notices the seemingly soft corner Nick seems to have for Jess.

Cece and Jess talk about it like in Cece Crashes but Jess is like “He’s getting married Ceec” and Cece brings up the conversation about Nick’s platonic feelings for Caroline. Jess is dismissive.

Couple of days later, they’re driving to the wedding location again (for whatever reasons. Maybe another recee type of thing?) and parallels to Cece Crashes. Ends with Jess just fleeing home after he buys her red roses. She is spiralling now, y’all.

Confused Nick shows up at her (and Cece’s door), demands an explanation - enter a lame ass excuse - She goes to the bathroom to collect herself and they head out again but she’s weirdly on edge, battling this in her head. When they reach the wedding location, she’s able to calm down because they were where he was going to get married. Cece’s wrong.

More stolen moments as he watches her quietly do her job, instructing different people what needs to be done. Nick is feeling things and that makes him very confused and even dazed.

Work done. On their way back, of course the car breaks down. Nick calls Schmidt to pick them up - They’re silent and Nick feels like he would burst with all the thoughts in his head, so:

N: Why lilies? J: What do you- Oh. I… They were my dad’s favourite. He used to buy them for my mom when she was mad, or sad or just to celebrate. She liked wearing them in her hair. Reminds me of… happier times. *tears up a little, waves her hands but the tears come anway* A-And the colours that they come in, it’s amazing. That’s one of the reasons why I think any place can be made to look great in just lilies because of the variety.N: That’s… sweet. *Quietly hands her a handkerchief - obviously has his monogram in gold hueuhe*J: I’ll give it to you, fresh and clean. I promise. *sniffles* (She never would)

They stare at each other until Nick clears his throat.

J: What about you, why lillies?”N: “Honestly? Because they’re the first thing they came to mind.” *pauses* *looks at her* I’m glad. I’m glad you’re around.

Cue an almost kiss and Nick’s phone rings - a worried Caroline. Explains the situtauon and mild tension when she realizes he’s with Jess. “Are you okay? Why do you sound so out of breath?” “No I-I’m fine. Caroline, can I call you in a while?” “Sure, Nick. Of course.”

They won’t make eye contact. Furiously debating in their heads if they should talk about it. Schmidt’s timely arrival.

Schmidt drives them back. Jess dozes off in the back and Nick keeps looking at her in the rearview mirror. Schmidt: Thin ice, buddy, thin ice. Nick shushes him but decides not to talk about it, thinking of the kiss, but outwardly is completely dismissive.

At Cece-Jess’s apartment - awkward goodbye - doesn’t go unnoticed by Schmidt

Jess tells Cece about the almost kiss and nearly cries because she can’t do that. The whole “cheating thing”. Begs Cece and Winston (also a childhood friend) to just come with her everywhere and be the buffer.

Enter Ryan Geaxinue, a cousin of Nick’s who has arrived for the wedding. ;) - Jess doesn’t have feelings for him per se, but they do have a one night stand. Nick is damn pissed when he finds out. [ A week before the wedding ]

They argue a lot about it, starts with passive aggressive comments and ends in a huge argument - How it ends:

N: Jess, come on, I can’t be the only one feeling this way! J: Nick, you’re getting married. Married.N: I don’t love her, Jess.J: *scoffs* What and you love me?N: *is stunned and quiet*J: *bitter laugh* Let’s not get carried away, Nicholas. *shakes her head and leaves*

Cue angst. Lot of it.

Nick and Bonnie have a HUGE argument, Walt intervenes but that only pisses Nick off even more and he storms off. Caroline and Nick are on lunch date and she tries to coax it out of him - “…Nick, we’re friends. You can talk to me.” - but he is tightlipped and denies anything is wrong.

Jess is sad too. Two days of running into each other awkardly while she’s workingts to avoid a run-in with Nick. He knows he should just stop visiting but he loves pain and wants to see her.

Third day, she can’t take it and decides to just go to the venue really early to make plans and delegate later. Unfortunately, as she’s wrapping up he arrives - he wanted some peace.

She starts to leave but he calls out to her, and she reluctantly joins him by the lake

N: Hey Jess, what if I wasn’t getting married…J: What? *startled*N: You kept saying that I was getting marrieed… When I said I can’t be… the only one…J: Nick….N: Jess, please. What if I wasn’t getting married?J: But you are….N: That doesn’t answer my question.J: You are getting married. My answer doesn’t matter. You’re getting married in four days. Next week this time, you’ll be on your honeymoon. It doesn’t matter. N: What a mess… Why is everything so complicated…J: Not really, Nick. Caroline deserves love. You deserve love. N: *mutters* It’s not that simple….J: It is. When it comes to love, it is simple. N: Jess…J: Here are the final plans. *hands over papers*. I’ll have Rose contact you and she will take care of the rest. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be around each other. Goodbye, Nick. *kisses his cheek and stands up.* Nick watches her leave and is sad.

Nick goes home where Walt is waiting for him. Talks to him about love and stuff + parts of ‘don’t think about it’ monologue. Nick is worried about Bonnie though, but Walt says that he’ll make sure she comes around - “I owe you that much, son.” [ The amends that Walt and Nick never really made properly on the show ]

Nick talks to Caroline and they break off their engagement. Caroline is sad, but she gives it up gracefully. Caroline has a condition - “Only if I can still go to our honeymoon trip, by myself.” Nick says that they both deserve love and Caroline laughs “Wow you’re in love with her aren’t you” - Glimpse of their friendship.

Next morning, he shows up at Jess’s door and tells her that he’s called off the engagement.

Lot of fluff. LOT OF IT. So much fluff.

Some drama with Bonnie but everything’s okay in the end.

They get married two years later. Caroline’s found somebody too, and everyone’s happy.

Notes [ Important to the story’s finer details but not key. If I included these arcs as well, this post wouldn’t never end lmao ]:

Winston and Jess are also childhood friends. He’s Jess’s partner at the florist store. Business-wise. Owner of a security firm. Meets Aly, in charge of the royal family’s security.

Bonnie isn’t a fan of Jess, especially when she starts suspecting Nick’s feelings, but Walt loves Jess.

Jess encourages Nick to write and Nick starts to write The Pepperwood Chronicles. Caroline happens to read it once and when she reads aboiut Jessica Night, that’s when she realizes his feelings for her. A substory plot would be her internal conflict and unsurety after this.

Oh boy that’s long. Not gonna lie, this fic escalated so much in my head and boy was it a lot of work. I have half a mind to actually write this, lmao. This would be a 2-part, really fucking long slow burn fic :3

Feel free to ask me questions!! I might have missed a lot of things because I didn’t re-read it, so whatever you think I might have missed out on, do ask!!

#new girl #new girl fan fiction #royal au #florist au #ness #nick x jess #nick miller #jessica day #prompts #ask

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flying-elliska · 3 years

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Cont.... at him and Lucas is 🥵😰😱💥💗 shit i'm still in love... mission abort....MISSION ABORT..oh crap. 😆 i loved always thinking just how whipped he was from moment 1? And then you went and gave me his POV. 😘 Also i loved re-reading the chap where Eliott met Valles and learnt about that world/heirs. Such a godfather-esque atmosphere and i was excited watching Eliott get his Michael Corleone on throughout. 😍 i love how you've shaped his character in order for him to lead that world 🤩

add to my ask before about diamants. Looking for some full meta here FYI 🙌 but i mentioned Michael Corleone in that ask. But i genuinely feel that Eliott is this archetype, except he actually hates his father. 🤗 but there were several scenes that gave me that vibe. E.g. the first club scene with Valles, the botched assasination attempt with Lucas's father, how Eliott had been kept on the periphery of the business but wanted to prove himself (take out his dad) but it all feels very GF trilogy?

Hey dear anon, I think tumblr ate your first ask, sadly...but anyway, I can still answer what I got ^^ here is some full meta haha :

Now to be honest, I have seen the Godfather movies a loooooong time ago, so I’m basing my response more on a vague memory than anything else. Yes, it’s somewhat inspired by it, of course. Especially Vallès as a character. The family/loyalty/violence/father-son relationship themes are also very much there. It’s definitely a vibe I got inspired by. But it’s also meant as a subversion of it, like it’s meant to be a subversion of the James Bond movies. We are borrowing the vibe/surface aspect (like, action, glamour, drama, explosions, cocktails for JB and a sort of old world aura for the GF) and working around similar themes ; but we are changing the core, the meaning, the worldview. I mean I don’t want to get too pretentious about it lmao, this is just a fic after all. But it is very much born of my love/hate relationship with these types of action movies that I grew up with and find appealing in certain ways but I am still aware that the core worldview is fucked up and alienating for me as a queer woman (eg, the sexism, whether ‘benevolent’ or not, the glorification of a certain type of ultraviolent masculinity, the imperialism, etc etc).

So this story is very much me writing an action movie I would enjoy, with the thrill of dangerous/tense situations, action and glamour, beautiful setpieces, badass action heroes, competent people with tragic pasts everywhere ; but at the same time, there is a space for queer rep, actual feelings and complex relationships, women who are more than either sexual objects or possessions to protect, minority characters who aren’t stereotypes, etc. (I’m thinking about the Old Guard there, who very much did this as an actual movie so I feel things are changing.)

At the same time there is sort of a meta commentary aspect - especially with the Godfather. Because I’ve said several times that the people of the Shadow seem to think that they are in a movie ; this was inspired by something I read about real life mobsters loving the GF movies because it was romanticizing their life, still tragic and violent but in this sort of grandiose way. So this is very much about having this sort of ‘old school code of honor’ thing that creates a smokescreen for what is happening behind it and the allure of power that often seems like it’s validating itself. And then there is Vallès, who tried to hang on to a shred of decency, who actually wanted to believe that code of honor, but it’s actually impossible, and he is too much of the old world to escape it, so he has to pass on the attempt to somebody else.

And the Eliott/Michael Corleone comparison is very interesting ! Because from what I remember, the GF movies are very much about how you can’t escape your family/your family is your fate. And this is something that weighs on Eliott, a lot. He is both afraid that he is too much like his father - charming, charismatic, visionary, but also manipulative, entitled, heartless - and not enough like his father ; not strong enough to measure up. In a sense I feel like the GF movies are almost more about family than organized crime (or maybe it’s just me projecting lmao) - family as a curse, especially for men, violence that perpetuates itself, endless feuds, etc...So this is something that weighs on Eliott and Lucas both, but for Eliott there is this added dimension of prestige and power ; but I’m also thinking of ways for them to escape this and break the cycle. And also (from my vague memories) Michael Corleone is a more thoughtful, intellectual character than his brothers (and ultimately, strategic) and what starts by setting him apart ultimately makes him more capable. And that fits Eliott very well.

Eliott has tried to get some distance from his family, but it was always at the back of his mind and I think he’s always known that at some point, he would have to confront his father. And to do that, he has to, for a while, play by his rules, and see the Shadow from the inside to take it down. He’s walking a path similar to that of his father but making different decisions. (We’ll see a lot more about that later.) There is an element of ‘you can’t run from your family...But that doesn’t mean you have to be like them’. And there is an element of ‘when you’re born with privilege, pretending you don’t have it is useless, but facing it head on and understanding it so you can help dismantle it and also using it to help people in the meantime is a lot better. But there is also an element of ‘Eliott is finding himself more at ease in this world than he would like because he was raised for it and it has a lot of allure.’

‘Son either kills or remplaces his father’ is one of the oldest stories and it often has to do with either the replication or the overthrowing of a specific social order, a clash between the old and the new world. So it’s a fascinating dynamic to work with, especially since Armand Demaury is a very political character.

So I would say that Eliott’s arc is somewhat similar to Michael’s; but it’s going to get more and more different after a certain point of inflection.

Lmao thank you for these questions ! Always available to write a small essay on cue haha. And I am glad you are enjoying it so much.

#diamants!au #diamants meta

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asagimeta · 7 years

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Pack Mom Stiles And You: No, It Isn’t As Bad As You May Have Heard

The Teen Wolf fandom is a very ficcy, very tropey place- wich, let me start by saying, is not a bad thing, I like it, personally- you can take just about any charector and any trope and anything that RESEMBLES a trope and make into A Thing

There's good-freind!Scott, bad-freind!Scott, good-Alpha!Scott, bad-Alpha!Scott, bad-Alpha!Derek, good-Alpha!Derek, Unicorns-Love-Derek, serial-killer!Derek, serial-killer!Stiles, assassin!Stiles, BAMF!Stiles, magic!Stiles, virgin!Stiles, sex-crazy!Stiles, Omega!Stiles, Alpha!Stiles, and - ... I'm not even coming close to scratching the first layer of the surface, but there's one trope in particular that always gets my interest- good and bad:

Pack Mom Stiles

Because here's the thing- I. freaking. LOVE. Pack Mom Stiles

It has GOT to be one of my favorite tropes, so why does it always put me on edge? Because people have such a negative perception of Pack Mom Stiles, and I've seen some really, really rude, and insulting things said about people who like Pack Mom Stiles- and I mean, sure, there's a *level* of this to be said of all tropes, all kinks, all ships, but there's a certain level of discourse with Pack Mom Stiles that I rarely see outside of ship or kink centric tropes, or tropes that seriously damage a charector (like the Derek Is A Bad Alpha trope or the Evil Scott McCall trope) Pack Mom Stiles is... really very innocent, but it gets alot of flack and actually raises alot of controversy, and there's a reason for it, but first, I want to address why I'm making this post to begin with:

Pack Mom Stiles isn't always the trope that people think it is

Generally, from what I've seen of fandom, people see "Pack Mom Stiles" and assume it's Stiles in an apron, making sure Isaac has his homework and always making pack dinners and having essentially no ability to defend himself against enemies- often being called "Mom" unironically, and wile yes, there are SOME Pack Mom Stiles fics like this, that does not define the trope as an entirety, and it doesn't invalidate the reading of Pack Mom Stiles as a canon thing

People see "Pack Mom Stiles" and alot of them automatically think it's the trope listed above- and sometimes it is, and there's nothing wrong with writing that if you want to write it, kink and let kink, ship and let ship, trope and let trope- but there are plenty of times when that isn't the case, and in particular, when talking in a canon sense- in a current-canon sense especially- that usually *isn't* the case

The thing is, people are hesitant about Pack Mom Stiles (and I use "hesitant" politely) because of gender stereotypes and heteronormativity, Stiles, being the young, funny, human who has been shown to be sqeumish and nerdy, who is physically smaller than most of the men on the show (not necessarily shorter, but less overtly muscular) is usually cast in a stereotypical female role- the homemaker, the bottom, the sub, the Omega, the gentle voice of reason to his more stereotypically masculine partner's quick temper, and this isn't *good*

Individually, there's nothing wrong with homemaker!Stiles, bottom!Stiles, sub!Stiles, Omega!Stiles, level-headed!Stiles, or even Stiles who likes to wear make up and high heels on the weekends, often, it's less the trope/kink/role, and more the way it's presented, often erasing Stiles' personality for someone quiet, defenseless, and stereotypically feminine, and often presenting it as the *ONLY* way it can be, I still remember the "Bottom Derek Is Wrong" controvsery of 2014 and it's exactly *THAT* reason why people are, rightfully so, a little tense about Pack Mom Stiles

Additionally, Pack Mom Stiles is one of The Olden Tropes from before I was even reading Teen Wolf fic, you know, the season 1-2 tropes like Derek coming in through a window and rough-sexing Stiles or werewolf!Lydia or Stiles Has A Bunch Of Drag Queen Freinds, tropes that are fun but didn't really survive the fandom-wide transition between seasons two and three, Pack Mom Stiles is one of the few survivors of that era and alot of people take issue with the political incorrectness of it, the trope name came out of two places:

1. Stiles is The Mom Freind, everyone knows what The Mom Freind is, it's a very, very real thing in real life and Stiles very easily fits the bill, this in it's *SELF* is not necessarily heteronormative or feminizing, if you're a caretaker to your peer group you're called The Mom Freind, and it CAN be heteronormative or feminizing but it isn't that way by definition, I've been called The Mom Freind, I've also been called Daddy (I am a 22-year-old girl who's favorite color is pink and sleeps with stuffed animals, FYI) because I can sometimes get Over Protective of my female freinds in a stereotypical dad way- and because my dog is glued to my mom until something scares her, then she won't get off of me to save her life, but I digress

2. See, in The Olden Tropes era of the Teen Wolf fandom, Stiles Is Pack Mom wasn't your only parent-related trope, you also had Pack Dad Derek, and, less commonly starting in season three, Pack Dad Scott, wich, you guessed it, is *much* more heteronormative and gender stereotyping, these are the fics where Derek trains the pack and Stiles bakes cookies, or where Scott is trying to give sage advice wile Stiles tells him to get his feet off the coffee table, and again, if these float your boat, cool, I'm not saying they can't be a thing or that they're the type of Inherently Wrong Thing that shouldn't exist, but this is a large part of why people make assumptions about Pack Mom Stiles

(As a note, I've seen Pack Mom Stiles recently renamed as Pack Dad Stiles wich seems much better received, if not pretty uncommon)

The reason I'm making this post is because fans of Pack Mom Stiles seem to be ... ashamed of it, and I get why, I've had hate sent my way for liking Pack Mom Stiles too, fans of it treat the trope like a guilty pleasure the way you would treat an X-Rated kink or a Bad Wrong ship, always quick to say "Not in canon but-" or "I know it isn't canon but-" or "I know it's OOC but-" as if Pack Mom Stiles is *inherently* the same thing as the OOC Stiles who bakes cookies wile Derek is training the pack and lint-rolls Isaac's scarves for him after making him lunch with the crust cut off- it isn't

Part of it too is that moms themselves are stereotyped this way, seen a hell of alot more often as June Cleaver or Carol Brady and alot less as Beatrix Kiddo or Molly Weasley, in fact, it was hard of me to think of an easily nameable "good" mom who WASN'T more stereotypically like June or Carol, and I'm still not entirely confident about my choices, I often gripe to my own mom when Mother's Day rolls around that the advertised Mother's Day gifts are always the same- gardening, cooking, or clothes- and not especially *nice* clothes either, things like- you guessed it- hats, aprons, t-shirts with "I Love My Kids" on them and the like... as if women lose their personalities once they become moms, but again, I digress

Stiles is not June Cleaver, and alot of people assume that's what Pack Mom Stiles fics try to turn him into- and some do, but then you have the Pack Mom Stiles *I* like, that I wish more people were aware of, that I fully believe fits well with canon!Stiles, no personality warping or heteronormative gender stereotyping required: The Beatrix Kiddo Stiles

The Stiles that, yeah, makes dinner sometimes, and sure, tells the werewolves to kindly take their rough-housing OUTSIDE before they break ANOTHER of his computers..... but who, mostly, will tear someone's eyes out if they hurt someone in his pack, who rolls threats off of his tongue like a song, who is quite frankly DONE with everyone else's BS and is THIS. CLOSE. to screaming about it, who takes care of his pack and protects his pack against threats- be it with his bat or emissary magic or just by wrestling a werewolf to a ground and punching them in the face, the strategist, the planner, the "I make everything work even if it means I have to cut off someone's fingers or go without sleep for six days because none of you would be able to sniff your way out of a cardboard box without me", he's the one who makes the hard choices to protect his pack even if he comes up short because of it, who, once he loves someone, is going to keep them alive weather they like it or not for God's sake! Pack Mom Stiles is....

#Teen Wolf #Stiles Stilinski #Pack Mom Stiles

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llampacaeatingguppy · 6 years

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Aspects of winter life that might not occur to you

Maybe you’re writing a book about someone in The North but you live in The South, maybe you’re moving somewhere cold, and maybe you just want to know. I don’t really care, I’m just a long-time resident of Wisconsin who wants to write a bunch of stuff, so I am. (Please note some of this might be Wisconsin-exclusive)

First of all, let’s talk about that little transition from summer to winter. There are literally maybe two weeks of a stereotypical “not too hot, not too cold” temperature, sometimes not even that. Fall is mostly unpredictable weather hell and it’s hard to be sure when they will truly decide to stop. For example: our last warm day was December 4, and it was almost 60 degrees (15.5 C). On my sisters birthday, December 6, it was 20 degrees (-6.5 C) and snowing, which was far more normal for that time of year.

Women’s clothes are the dumbest things ever, especially jeans. Your top half gets additional insulation through your coat. Your legs do not, and women’s jeans are thin. Leggings and/or long socks under your pants pretty much every day are a must if you don’t want you legs to turn into icesicles. And if you must either wear leggings or jeans by themselves, I feel warmer in leggings. Sweatpants are the best, but I usually use those as pajamas.

On the topic of women’s clothes and coats, my classmate was cold in class once and I offered her my fall coat (which I wear if it’s about 40+ degrees (4+ C)). It’s a hoodie that I found in the men’s section. You know what she told me? It was warmer than her fall coat. Let me tell you something: that thing wasn’t even marketed as a coat. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it was warm, that’s why I wore it, but I didn’t realize it was that warm. Women’s clothes vs men’s clothes. Yay. And people wonder why men on campus are still walking around in sweaters when women are wearing their winter coats in the fall.

One more thing about clothes to get all the salt out of my system and then I’m done with clothes, I promise. If you want some women’s clothes actually suitable for the weather, your best bet is secondhand stores or small local shops, because those clothes are from people who also actually have to endure this climate. Any sort of chain of stores just don’t have clothes designed for cold weather. Heck, some of the stuff that I’ve seen in Target for “winter” I wouldn’t wear until May or June.

There is a confusing temperature where you’re not sure whether to wear your fall coat or your winter coat. It varies per person, but since my winter coat is literally a cleared for -30 degrees (-34 C) heavy duty stuffed trench coat (that I had to scramble for while it was on sale, cheap coats are not made for Wisconsin-level cold. People do it, but I have no idea how) and my fall coat is a men’s hoodie, the choice between roast and freeze is particularly present because the range of temperature those were made for is so different.

If you go outside and the snot in your nose freezes before you’ve taken two steps, you can safely say that it’s really cold without anyone arguing with you.

Also, “You know it’s cold when your snot is frozen in two seconds” and other variants is kinda a local meme. Probably has been for decades. I’ve lived here 18 years and I don’t remember ever not hearing it.

A lot of people seem to assume that sickness season is in the winter. It’s not. It’s the Times of Horrible Weather (aka spring and fall). People get sick in winter, sure, but it’s spring and fall where over half of the people you know all get sick at once, although it’s milder cold-like things. The exception to this is the explosion of influenza that happens around January, but one month is a small chunk of winter, believe me.

Spring is really similar to fall, just an fyi. I keep saying fall because we’re in the thick of winter now, it’s -17 (-27 C) outside, and spring looks like an impossibility, but they’re really similar in terms of awful temperature fluctuations. Most people are more tolerant of its obnoxiousness because when it ends the weather won’t be trying to kill you. I personally like it less because all that snow melting makes everything wet and muddy and all the litter that the snow hid is now visible and I never know if it’s hot or cold outside and it feels like nothing really grows until the week before summer so it’s just naked and ugly and inconvenient. I hate spring. Can you tell?

I’m just now realizing that it probably sounds like I don’t like winter, but I actually do. Like yeah it’s annoying, but I like it? It’s kinda like that character you love who’s a complete asshole and you’re not even sure why you love them but you do.

The. Car. It gets cold. And it doesn’t warm up right away, either, because of how cold the engine gets. And you might need to jump start it, too, depending on how good your battery is. Also there’s ice and snow and fun stuff that you have to scrape off after it snows. And it’s cold outside while you’re doing it. And you’re probably also late because the world hates you. And the roads are probably bad.

10+ inches (25.4+ cm) of snow = elementary and high schools have to close. -40 degrees (which is the same in Celsius, crazy right?) or lower windchill = elementary and high schools have to close. Both happen a few times a year. College classes don’t have that rule. You walk to class in -50 degree (-45.5 C) windchill anyways and try to ignore the fact that you haven’t been able to feel your face pretty much the whole time.

If you’re on your period, things can get really cold and uncomfortable down there. Changing your pad more frequently than usual helps some. Tampons might also do the trick, but I can’t tell you for sure because I don’t like to use them.

If you’re like me and get chilled easily, winter is kinda nice because nobody will judge you for wearing an ungodly number of layers. Are you still cold when you go outside? Probably, at least some of the time. But you’re comfortable while indoors, which is a nice change of pace.

Folks farther north try to assert their dominance over you, and you do the same to those who live farther south than you. This is achieved by bragging about the bad weather.

Snowing on Halloween is a very real thing. When you’re a young trick-or-treater, it’s beyond frustrating because unless you’re literally going as a scientist living in Antarctica or your parents don’t care if you get sick by running around without a coat, good luck having people see your costume because it’s coat time.

Bugs are small. The largest spider I regularly see is a little bigger than a quarter, and most of that’s legs.

My dad loves to tell the story about how when he lived in Virginia, they got two feet of snow and they still expected him to come to work because he was from the north, despite the fact that the state was essentially in a state of crisis. But we don’t drive in two feet of snow, either, because a crap ton of snow plows go out every time it snows. It’s not perfect, and the roads are bad for a while, but there isn’t literally the total amount of snow accumulation just sitting on the road for us to drive through. So please don’t ask your employee from the north to come in to work when it snowed two feet overnight and there are not nearly enough snowplows, because then there literally is two feet of snow on the road and that’s dangerous for anyone, north or not. (He didn’t go in, by the way.)

When the roads aren’t great, seeing cars in the ditch is normal. People don’t even bat an eye and they’re often used as a measurement for how bad roads are. (ex: “I saw three cars in the ditch on the way here” = roads are bad) This is just normal, car swerved a little bit and ran off the road stuff, though. If it’s more serious (like if the car flipped upside down or hit another car or something), then it gets regarded as a car accident, not as a car in the ditch.

If you’re asthmatic, the cold can induce asthma attacks. It doesn’t always, but when I was diagnosed with asthma a few years ago, the doctor told me to be careful because it’s a very real problem for some folks. The worst it does to me personally is makes me cough a few times if it’s less then 0 degrees and I breathe too deeply through my mouth, and if I cover my face with a scarf it gets rid of the problem altogether.

I have never in my life successfully made an igloo. I don’t think most people have. They always caved in at the top the few times I tried. What I did do all the time as a youngling was dig tunnels under the snow and army-crawl through them.

Later in the winter, when the temperature starts to ease up but it’s still not spring, just the top layer of snow will melt a smidge and then freeze back over, making a hard shell. It’s oftentimes thick enough for kids to walk on without breaking it and I thought it was one of the coolest things ever. Even now, if I find a place that can support my weight as an adult, it gives me this odd sense of giddiness and usually makes my day.

Electronics were not made to handle cold and leaving them out in it can be a nightmare on your battery.

There are quite a few people who eat summer-coded desserts in the winter, especially ice cream. Winter gives enough people negativity without the added sadness of certain sweets being off-limits.

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tf2headshotcanons · 7 years

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What kind of body's do the mercs prefer their female partners to have?

Soldier: Well, the bloke has Zhanna. Using Zhanna as focal point, it's clear that he likes a bulkier woman, be it muscle or fat (though a combo of both, he prefers the muscle ratio a bit bigger). Zhanna is also quite curvy for her build, so it's safe to assume that he likes both arse and tits. So he likes them both curvy and athletic, or either or. He may also favour strong facial features (like his own) yet femininity (Zhanna wears makeup - look closely - and has rather long hair). Overall, his physically perfect woman seems to be a blend of feminine and strong. As for height, Zhanna is rather tall if she can rival Solly's height, so he likes a tall woman. He likes dark eyes.Scout: Scout likes to think he likes the 36/24/36 ratio, otherwise known as the hourglass. If we're going on RED, he probably likes black hair too. Sound familiar? Well, it's scientific fact that people are USUALLY attracted to those that both physically and/or characteristically remind them of the parent of the opposite sex (on the premise of being straight). He's not wrong, but he ain't right either. It's true, he likes black hair. It's also true that he likes women with face shapes similar to heart or triangle (heart would be his mothers, triangle would be more closer to Pauling). However, Pauling isn't an hourglass. It true, she does look rather curvy, but it feels more like a stylistic thing more than anything. But we don't know that. HOWEVER, unlike his mother, Pauling doesn't have that sexy confident air about her. If you listen to her voice lines, she's more friendly, awkward nerd. Oh! And she had glasses, which Scout confessed to finding attractive in "Expiration Date". Final thoughts? Scout likes black or dark hair. He also likes glasses. Heck, he does like curves too, though a straight body type may more be his thing (or Pear if we're going on him loving motherly types and the fact that Pear is the typical "Mother" body type). He likes a frame he can protect. Finally, it's hard to determine her height, though she's usually portrayed quite short. Meaning, he loves a shorter woman, or at least shorter than himself. He likes lighter eyes.Pyro: I don't think it's relevant for Pyro. Why? He has Pyrovision. He sees everyone in weird cartoons, so much different than how they actually look. As a result, this will warp their appearance. Enemy BLU are cherubs, his CEO job had his colleges low-key look like Roblox. So appearance... Is whatever makes a lady look "cute" in his world. I honestly think he sees Pauling as cute or angelic in his world. It's also personality warped, so the kinder you are, the safer you look. However, scrapping the concept of his goggles for a moment, I think he'd probably prefer someone fatter. They're bigger, warmer, spongier (that's what I call me mums arms, before people get arse hurt) and overall cuddlier. They're easier to hug, and more comfortable to hug. Something as trivial as that would affect his judgement (and it's not a bad thing!) so I'd say a bigger gal. She's cuddly, and that's attractive to him. Height would have to be short than him (there was a blog about his real height, I'll have to find it, but I think it's something like 5"7). Also, if she had dyed hair, that would amaze him. Maybe even tattoos and piercings? He likes unusual eyes. Also, he may prefer women of colour.Demoman: In the comic where Soldier and himself went to the game, he had his arm hung around a lady looking suspiciously like Scout's Ma. Judging on his personality and that photo alone, I picture him loving a woman with curves. He loves something to cuddle and grab. He's a cheeky one. Though I like to think he loves curvy or big women in general. Not as big as Heavy, per say, but maybe slightly chunkier (kitkats) than himself. He loves to hold and cuddle, and although the motion of a thin woman seems appealing, he wouldn't have enough to cuddle. Though its Demo, I think he's open to most. I think the average height may be perfect for him - not too tall or too small. Overall, he likes a happy medium. He likes boobs, tum and legs. I also like to imagine he likes wacky hair, such as Afros or beehives. If his mom is anything to go by, he may like them short too. And he dies prefer women of colour over whites, and no that isn't racism. That's just his preference. Or at the least he likes enough colour to say she looks healthy (ie, pale may worry him). He likes Amber eyes.Heavy: I don't think he'll go for a woman who's slim. He'd be much to worried to accidentally hurt her. That and he's grew up with very muscular and strong beauties. He doesn't really think that modern models are the best icons for all women. Though he prefers someone on the shorter side, he likes her to be muscular or chubbier. I'm having at it that he may prefer dark eyes, lighter/medium skin and pale hair. I also imagine him liking shorter hair or hair in a bun. He'd like someone who doesn't look like his sisters, because he'd feel weird. Engineer: One of the trickier ones. I don't really know where to begin. However, I think he'd want someone shorter but because that's kinda tricky, he may find a woman much taller somewhat sexy. Especially her legs. I'm actually struggling with him, but I think light to medium hair, done in a 50s style. Brown eyes. I actually think he'd be into someone who looks like a housewife. That's probably watching too much Green Mile and my Southern stereotype, but I'm actually real stuck on him. I think he may think he likes slim women, but may favour someone chunky like him. He'd like a faintly looking woman he could protect.Sniper: Tricky dicky. There's 3 options MAINLY. One, he likes someone like his adoptive mum, Two, he likes someone like his real mami, tres, he likes a combination (most likely). His real mum is very tall, very thin, tan skin, dark eyes and dark hair. Personality wise, she seems miserable, nihilistic and a bit of a selfish rut. His adoptive mum, short, loveable chunky (mate, don't argue with me, she looks like she gives corker hugs!), light hair (possibly age but when Mundy landed, it was light... Oh! And she was thinner! More on that-), possibly lighter eyes, pale skin and a loving and selfless personality. After all, Mundy looks a lot like his real mum and a hell of a lot like his adopted dad (even acts like him). One thing to note, is that young Mrs Mundy had a pear shaped body - stereotypical mothers body in fiction. This leads to the beginning. He'll either like someone who looks like his real mum, his adoptive mum, or a mix of both. Genetically, he may prefer someone who looks slightly more like his real mum, but definitely someone with the personality of his adoptive mum. Overall, it can go either way.Medic: The hardest one for me, the Medic. After seeing the fanart of his "wife", I can only picture her tall, pale, skinny and blonde, with blue eyes and a snarky face. Skinny, sexy and with attitude his is go to. That's how I imagine it. However, if you want my two cents, I actually think he'd like the physically fit dame. Basically perfect BMI (a shitty scale if you ask me), perfect figure, basically the pinnacle of peak health. Actually, out of all the Mercs, I'd say he's the most strict of demanding on the physical looks of a lady. He has the "perfect" one mapped in his mind. Oh, and since we're talking physical, I'd imagine he'd want her to have all her organs and properly functioning. What? He didn't say he was perfect to date ;)Spy: He's difficult as he's probably been with the good, the bad, and the ugly. He's had a wide range and apparently a preference to them all. His type could be anything... But we have Scout's Ma to fill us in~ It's safe to presume what his son likes is highly influenced by himself. He's picked a woman with dark hair, black specifically, which means he prefers dark haired women. She's also very curvy, so it's a safe bet to say he loves curves to run his hands over. She also has a sexy air but NOT a skanky one (think: Fried Chicken Girl, who he clearly voices is a "tramp"). He LOVES sexy, but hates "trampy". So he has good standards, and can tell the sexual from the low esteem. He doesn't like women who do it for attention and to fill a hole. Another thing is that she appears somewhat tall. So... He probably likes women in the range of 5"6 - 5"11. Another key note, he's probably aware of psychology, so he knows that's Scouts type too. That and he's probably more drawn to a woman in red - ie, what science calls the most attractive colour on a woman... According to men (and for women it's blue on men, fyi). He likes deep eyes, ones you can get lost in and are complex.

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jjamspace-blog · 5 years

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Gifts That Last

So here’s another blog entry. This time it’ll be about my mom’s stories about her childhood. Actually, it’ll be about one story that’s more like a combination of multiple stories. Essentially, it was about how her mother, her aunt and uncle (and pretty much her entire family) became her entire parental unit after her father passed on early in her life. She talked about how her uncle left for Japan to work so that he could send her to university. She even talked about how her aunt would leave with a few pesos and somehow come back the same day with enough food to feed the house (a secret that she admits she has never figured out). She talks about how her mother acted as the mother figure (cooking and cleaning and other typical motherly stuff) not only for her but for her cousins as well. Not really too much to tell. These acts are things that happened regularly in her life. My mom told me these stories the same way we would talk about having a good day at school or work: always happy and always with peace of mind.

This same view also passed onto me. When I was a kid, I never saw her aunt and uncle as a grand aunt or grand uncle. I always told the other kids that I had two grandmas and one grandpa on my mom’s side. They always looked at me confused and it was only years later (teenage years) that the concept of a grandaunt or granduncle was something that I understood. These trends essentially shaped my views on family. Your family isn’t the people directly related to you like your siblings, parents or children. It’s the people who are there for you when you need help and hang around anyway when things are fine because they enjoy your company and you enjoy theirs as well. I guess I have already been keeping them going. With my friends from high school, I essentially see them as my siblings. The that’s closest to me is someone I call my little sister (mainly because of the way she acts and because I’m way taller than her so it looks like I’m older).

Hey, sis. (Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia, the twins from Critical Role)

As a matter of fact, I commonly tease her the way an older brother would. My favorite past time with her is keeping track of all the boys she’s had crushes on. In a span of five years, I’ve counted nearly twenty. I’ve even calculated her rate using the basic formula for speed in Physics which speed = distance/time. Distance (being the boys which is around 16)/time (5 years). This means that she has liked around 3.2 boys per year. Truly a record. Other times, I’ve also shared sandwiches with her and helped her out with her homework. Heck, I even egged her on to ask her crush as a date to the 9th grade dance (an hour long pep talk mind you). She’s been of my best friends for almost 6 years now and that’s thanks to fact that my mother taught me how family isn’t about blood but bond.

I think this is a great time to talk about me as well (I don’t like doing this). Another story (this time from my father) was about how he’d take me out for rides in a car when I was around two years old. He’d drive around the neighborhood and I’d sit in his lap. Sometimes, he’d stop and bounce me on his knee like I was riding a horse. There were other times throughout my childhood where he’d wrestle with us (my younger brother and me) or even turn our beds into slides. I think it was this consistency of fun and enjoyment that pretty much said it was okay to be me and that my parents would take care of me. For Erikson’s stages 1 to 5, I really learned to trust my parents during my first stage. I also developed my autonomy as my parents would ask me if I wanted to do these things (the car riding, wrestling and knee horse) and there were times when I would not want to. So yes, my parents gave me more than enough space for me to develop my autonomy. I also developed my stubborn streak during this period (that I and my parents both say I have inherited from both of them). Though I got to choose, my parents also sort of nudged me towards the stereotypically boy things like Power Rangers, robots and Star Wars (Thanks mom and dad!). This is now the third stage and yes, I would say I did see the differences between the sexes here. I even got into the age old “boys are better than girls” argument. From here, I got into the 4th stage and I would say that the positive reception I got from the previous 3 stages did help as this was the time I started taking my school work very seriously and I became grade conscious. This did pay off as I actually got good grades throughout middle school and high school, helping me get into college a year early and even get into an Honors course. Even now in college, I am feeling more unmotivated compared to my past years because it’s all so new to me (the people, the profs, the size of the environment) and so my grades dropped.

ME IN HIGH SCHOOL VS ME IN COLLEGE

(I am not a D- student though) (FYI I am mostly a B to sometimes B+ student)

Even then, I’d still consider myself on the more academically well off among my course and department as there are students who are just fighting to stay in the course while I’m well above the cut off. I just wish my grades were higher. Besides that, I’m still looking for my motivation again and I can feel it coming back (in extremely small amounts but baby steps, y’know?). Right now, I’d say I’m in the fifth stage of development going to the fifth. I’m very much secure in my identity as a grade conscious student and eldest son (because my brothers JUST HAD to be the socially outgoing little munchkins going into the performing arts so guess who’s stuck in the natural sciences as an aspiring Physician?). This is a great time to talk about my dream as a doctor y’know? I tried out theater, sports and the humanities (like the vast majority of my family) but for the longest time, I couldn’t see any of them as my vocation or calling the way this medical dream has. Just the idea of helping people regardless of their background and fixing them up and making them feel better is something I have gotten behind. The politics? The social justice? The liberalism? The conservatism? The communism? Democracy? Libertarian? Honestly, it bores me and disillusions me. I feel like being a doctor is one of the last few professions that does good just for the sake of good (in it’s ideal form of course). Every other profession I can think of has so many labels and causes that go with it. But a doctor? Just keep them alive. Make sure they wake up. When they come to you sick, you simply treat them with all you have. I will have that white coat adorning my shoulders one day as I become a competent Surgeon who’ll help just because it’s the right thing to do. And yes, I will treat people regardless of their background. I mean it. If politicians, soldiers and social justice warriors and hardcore conservatives wanna fight, they can do it outside of my operating room. Everyone gets fair treatment from me.

Overall, I’d say I’m a nine to ten among the first five the developmental stages that Erikson’s theory has described. Specifically, 10 for the first two stages then a 9 for the the third and fourth then a 10 again for the fifth. I hit some rough patches in the initiative and industry stages because those stages required some socializing of me that I just could not put out as an introvert. Honestly, I’d say with the utmost conviction that I’m syntonic and trustful because of the good stuff and bad stuff that made me “me”. Thanks to my mother’s version of family and my father finding ways to entertain me and my siblings, I’ve lived a gifted life so far. I’m the smartest. I have my lazy moments. I am not particularly athletic. BUT I am functioning individual with just the right mix of qualities that I need (like academic knowledge, determination, etc.) so that I can make my way in the world to one day help people as a good Surgeon. So yes, my parents gifts of family and fun do last and I fully intend to pass them on in my own unique way.

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kurlykayaker · 5 years

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gaping hole

So, FYI - this is not my typical entry. In the long ago past, I tried a combination of writing poetry and prose (kind of stream of consciousness). See how it reads. My confidence in prose is zero. Haha, so if you have feedback (positive or negative), I have open ears. Thank you for reading. the world spins faster in grad school, but the days still feel long the more i stare at a screen/diagram i can feel my neural synapses tangling themselves together to find the right connection, “okay, i see how that works,” a semi-friend tells me “you lead an interesting life” with disdain. lead implies choice, interesting means ambiguous i wonder what it’s like “to be made” with just the right amount of egg, milk, butter, vanilla flavoring and flour, heated to the right temperature range. your mold never left the cookie cutter, you arrived “perfect” to this world, i rarely have negative feelings about my trans male identity these days, i embrace my pansexual orientation, and i don’t hide who i am, but why did i get angry? why am i hurt? why am i frustrated? perhaps the lack of sleep and food does not help, but i can tell you it’s more than just these things, it’s more than just these things. ....(moving to prose) I don’t share everything with everyone. I am selective about what I choose to share - ensuring that there is some level of trust between myself and the other person. I have become very comfortable with my “circle of friends” in PT school, but it has taken so muuuuch time and so many baby steps with all of these beautiful people, and I wouldn’t do it any differently. Even among these friends, there is always some level of ignorance, poor awareness, and ability to understand on their part; note, that I am not angered by this nor upset. It just is - which can be hard for a highly sensitive person to digest. I have traveled, I have walked and learned the ability to keep my heart neutral. Alas, there is emotion that still has to be released. Before I can reach that “well-balanced”/neutral state. My friends do not know the depth that I can feel alone at times - especially when I fail an exam (which does happen), during breaks when most people travel home/go somewhere with their significant other, or sometimes just on a Friday night. I prefer to be among smaller crowds - especially if I drink. The “being alone” is so multi-factorial. - being an ISFJ on the Myers-Brigg scale (not many of us), being very sensitive, having lost my father and aunt to suicide changes you ...being a trans guy (mostly attracted to other men), and add the whole graduate school thing on top. And please do not misunderstand, I absolutely love who I am. I love the beauty and richness it brings to my life, but there are moments - particularly painful moments, being a cookie cutter seems okay...haha I have been dedicated to therapy and found it to be very helpful. For the last 2 years, when I returned to therapy, I have been released twice now been told “I’m ready to fly free.” I went to a drop-in session about 3 weeks ago after failing an exam that I DID study for, haha. Words sometimes stick in my mind, from therapists - like they do for Bible verses from some people. Her words were, “It sounds like you have excellent coping strategies you’re using well..” and just like that, the smile erupts from my face... I know myself well - to know what works well for me, in life. I know that I find incredible meaning from helping others in my career. People freak out when they hear I have 3 part-time jobs, but each one brings SO much meaning to me - that I find MORE meaning in these jobs than what I find in some friendships and even some familial relationships - which is SO sad to admit, but truthful. The random patients I meet at the hospital, am able to interact with, and have organic moments with - mean the world to me. I have friends- and some of them ONLY study, study study - work out, meal prep, and then drink; this is the stereotypical health-related student. I stay up late. I eat unhealthy meals. I write poetry - art, woaaah. I go to dances alone - and dance (without having to be drunk). I don’t necessarily enjoy the parties with my cohort. I enjoy the “awkward conversation.” Things I have had to explain to my mom in the last week despite being out to her for nearly 5 years: a) how a trans athlete is trying to help U.S. states to legally allow trans people to play for the gender they identify with my Mom, “how is that fair? me: Sighs on phone b) what the ACLU is (she teaches ESL) c) that having sex with someone when you first meet them can be intimate (but not in her eyes) - i didn’t try to explain this one d) Re- this conversation was about 4 months ago, but we had a lengthy conversation about how President Trump’s decision to define gender legally as someone’s biological sex essentially is his attempt “to erase trans people.” My whole family - mother, stepdad, and older brothers ALL voted for him. Meanwhile, my Mom, “Well, what’s wrong with that?” me: very audible sigh, *rolls eyes*, and with fire, “REALLY, Mom? Does it matter that I came out to you as a trans guy almost 5 years ago and we had these hard conversations about gender then? Have you forgotten all of that?” Mom: “Don’t attack me. I just....don’t understand. “ me (still upset): “You know...if I don’t stay in this country, you can’t say you didn’t know, because I have explained this to you before. I’ve given you recommended books to help you understand. And, I’ll explain it again but you voted for someone who would prefer for me to use the female restroom. How would you feel Mom, seeing someone like me...in *your* restroom? (She’s fired up now....) The conversation continues. I calm down and explain it to her. I was trying to review some orthopedic information that day, in preparation for my clinical week. I couldn’t study after that- I recall going back to the coffee shop, sitting down and being so fucking frustrated. The feelings sunk in like the weighted Titanic - anger, complete frustration, annoyed, tired, so emotionally tired, alone- very alone, and void of hope. My hands are shaking, I can’t tell if I’m going to cry or hit something. I excuse myself from the coffeehouse, and go home - to cuddle myself in my bed. After my dad passed away and when I got to high school, I was afraid to leave home and go to school. It was a weird stage and feeling to experience at that age because most teenagers want to be the farthest thing from their parent. I later realized - I was afraid that I would come home, after school, and she’d no longer be there in the physical form. It was a rational fear; essentially, that’s what happened with my dad - I went to school (and never really left school) to find he .... was suddenly gone. Essentially, I’m always aware - this could happen at any moment. Despite sometimes my mom’s lack of understanding, I love the hell out of her and put these differences aside (despite wanting to educate her and try to help her understand more).... Yet, these are still things I continue to talk about with my mom - whom I consider VERY close to me. The pertinence of this story is that feeling of being alone. I can spend hours alone - studying, writing, meditating, listening to music and not feel alone. The context of the word is important; I don’t like the word, “lonely.” Lonely in my opinion, carries a connotation of co-dependency, unhealthy attachment, lack of self-resolve (emotionally, possibly mentally) and lack of self-comfort. What the fuck is the meaning of my word, “alone” then? I am comfortable in myself and my independence, but I feel so disconnected from the people around me- from some of my closest friends, from my very own mother, from my classmates. A close trans guy friend of mine, who lives in NC is doing an internship in Ireland; and he jokes that, I should “move there with him” (that’s his plan to move there). Which is a HUGE change; and I don’t normally place great emphasis on where we live. I think that internal happiness and connection is more abstract than that- it’s about a state of mind, and how you see life. But, maybe a change in culture would be healthy for me? That is something, I am unsure of - and don’t have an answer to. I know that when I go to my favorite Latino restaurant in Athens, I feel a sense of connection and love - that I don’t feel elsewhere. The waiters will just talk to me- they’re not in a rush, and I enjoy this greatly. ... The hardest aspect of writing sentences/prose to me is that I feel so academic and feel I need a sound “ending.” Poetry allows me to end the poem with a beautiful decrescendo. You’re not getting that here, haha. People try to tell me that “I’ll find someone” (re: partner) or ...”to just have faith.” I’m not looking to find someone tomorrow or even in 3 years - it’s so much more than being in a relationship. It’s about feeling connected to the people around me. When people provide this kind of “broken record” of a response, I’m tempted to start a conversation with this- the words you’ve been reading, what I’ve been expressing in this entry - but even with people that are close to me, when I’ve attempted, only so much is absorbed and understood. And so this, entry ends with a hole - a fucking gaping hole in which my Mom replies, “That is life, Jordan. Life is hard.” I laugh to myself, “You don’t think I don’t know that Mom?” ....

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ruffsficstuffplace · 7 years

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The Keeper of the Grove (Part 36)

Avalon.

A realm of some of the most powerful wellsprings to be found anywhere in the Aether.

A realm of life and wonders rarely seen elsewhere.

A realm of boundless potential, where your wildest dreams and fantasies have the best damn chance of becoming reality.

You could say that it was pretty much inevitable that you'd have people trying to fuck it up, locals and foreigners alike, which is why all of them tend to have some sort of agreement and organization trying to keep things in check, make sure that no one person or group can grab all that power, and do whatever the hell they'd like with it.

The Humans over at the West and North ends have the Triumvirate Treaty, the Acropolis Accord, and the Armed Forces of Avalon. The Eldan Fae have the Three Truths, and the Orders of the Watchers and the Seekers. The rest over in Celestion and some parts of Sekhmet have their own ways of making sure their streets are nice and orderly, ensure that there's no one actively trying to make it so that there's not a (mostly) free, safe, and sane Avalon tomorrow.

But sometimes, something or someone grows so powerful, so cunning, and so insidious that even if these three get over their differences and in-fighting to join forces, they won't stand a hope in hell of winning.

Sometimes, you need a new force altogether, a band of misfits and outcasts so different they couldn't give a shit about what the other guys are so long as they can help, who are the right mix of bravery and stupidity to charge headlong into danger, and never realize or just not give a fuck about how bad the odds really are.

In those times you need…

The Rune Rangers.

“Wow,” Weiss said, “you have your Uncle Qrow narrating everything?”

“We used to!” Ruby replied, “but now we just have a golem of him doing it, in case he can't be around. I can't sound as cool as him.”

“It's fucking ADORABLE when you do, though!” Yang said.

“Do we really have to him?” Weiss asked.

Hey! I'll have you know that no story of adventure, action, and world-threatening danger isn't complete without a handsome, well-spoken narrator with a sexy, sexy voice.

“I like him!” Ruby said.

“Punching magical bad guys to death isn't the same without Golem Qrow telling me how awesome I was, yeah,” Yang hummed.

<I've learned to ignore him,> Blake said, subtitles of what she said in Nivian popping up before Weiss' face.

“And I think it pays great homage to the inherently ridiculous and over-the-top nature of Rune Rangers!” Penny chirped.

4-1, princess—looks like you lose by majority vote.

Weiss sighed. “Fine. When do we stop being disembodied voices talking over a montage of stock footage?”

Right about… now.

Rune Terra, Somewhere in the Viridian Valley

Our brave heroes hoof it through the grossly incandescent halls of Rune Rangers' HQ, giving their newest member the grand tour.

Weiss and Blake groaned.

Get used to it; Yang's way worse.

“That I am~!”

Ruby was pointing out the various facilities as they passed them by. “… And that's the Training Room, where we can make pretty much prepare for any sort of situation, and also relive awesome battles again; next door is the Theater, where we can just watch them all over again, and sometimes review footage from our helmets' chronicles in case we missed something; and finally we have the Core, where we meet with our Guardian and get told about whatever's going down now!”

FYI, the “Guardian” is whoever gives the Rangers their powers, and makes sure they don't accidentally blow up the realm with them.

“Thanks Golem Qrow!”

It's what I'm here for, Rubes.

“I think you'll really like her!” Ruby said as she put her rune to the door, those big-ass slabs of carved rock sliding open. “After all, you know her already, kinda.”

Weiss shielded her eyes as bright light poured out of the Core, blinding her. A deep, echoing voice rang out from within, the sound of a woman who's replaced her lungs with liquid chocolate—the really good kind.

“Welcome to Rune Terra, Weiss! I, Eluna, formally and heartily welcome you to the Viridian Vanguard.”

The 24/7 light show that is Eluna's hair turns down a few notches, enough for Weiss to actually see her as they enter the chamber.

She stops, stares at her new boss with a dumbfounded look.

Maybe it's the fact that who she thought was just a myth is actually real, and she's not a literal white wolf, but a wolf Fae that also happens to be wearing the fur of a giant Lunar Wolf. (There's a not terrible, awful story behind all that, don't worry!) Maybe it's the aura of radiance, of authority, of power she's giving out, the kind of presence that only comes when you've been training constantly and growing stronger for the past couple of millennia. Or maybe it's the fact that she's about 7 feet tall and 300 or so pounds of pure muscle, flawless skin like caramel, and all her body-fat seems to be concentrated in that kickass rack of hers.

“Golem Qrow!” Ruby yelled.

What? It's true, isn't it?

“Fret not, I'm quite aware that seeing me in person can be a very overwhelming experience,” Eluna said, smiling. Her face turned deadly serious. “But I suggest you recover soon, for we've got a situation on our hands.”

Penny offered Weiss a drool rag to clean herself up with. She can't do anything about your face being on fire, though, sorry.

“Relax, princess,” Yang said, “everyone's got the hots for Eluna! Even asexual golems like Penny.”

“I do indeed,” Penny said. “She's such a fascinating Fae specimen!”

“Why does she look exactly like Guadalupe Garron...?” Weiss asked.

“Because I am her,” Eluna said. “Or more precisely, it's one of my many assumed identities over the centuries.”

Turns out there's something in you humans' brains that makes it infinitely easier to just accept that someone's wearing fake ears and a tail, than them being an animal person, let alone immortal and the actual Eluna.

“Indeed!” Eluna said. “I used to make my disguises much more complex, before I decided to walk into into the Nexus on the Eve of the Ether on a lark, and everyone wanted to know who made my 'costume,' how much it cost, and if they made designs of different animals. And don't get me started on when I lost a look-a-like competition at a convention...

“Talk of my adventures in immortality will have to wait, however, for we've got a much more urgent, dark business to attend to:

“Dr. Nefarious is back.”

A holo popped out of the crystal, the face of your stereotypical mad scientist: nose that puts bird beaks to shame, one eye larger than the other, completely bald, and with a face that looks like he's lived through a couple of strokes.

“Hello again, Rune Rangers!” he said with his awful, terrible voice—seriously, that sound should be illegal.

Weiss groaned. “Stop, stop, stop!”

The whole world around them froze, faded and washed out.

“Something the matter, Weiss?” Ruby asked.

“Are you serious with this villain?”

“Well, uh, yeah! Dr. Nefarious is kind of what we've been using all this time...”

“He looks and sounds like something a 3-year old would make as the Evil Villain of their story!”

“Ruby was actually 2 at the time,” Penny said. “Fae generally mature faster than humans in a lot of ways.”

Yang stepped up to her, looking a little pissed. “You have a better big bad in mind, princess?”

“Yes I do, actually!” Weiss said as she held out her hand. “Temporary admin privileges, please!”

Yang rolled her eyes, and gave it to her.

The world unfroze, colour seeped back in like me at last call for Happy Hour.

“… Or, at least, he was, until the man funding all of his crazy experiments finally decided to show himself,” Eluna said.

“That's quite enough, Dr. Nefarious,” Jacques Schnee said as the camera drone turned to him. “The… Rune Rangers, were you? I've recently gotten word that you've kidnapped my daughter, as you believed the foiling of my expedition was not enough.”

Freeze.

“Wait, wait, WAIT—you're making your own dad the Big Bad?” Yang asked.

Weiss turned to her. “Yes, do you have a problem with that?”

“Only if I can't punch him in the face!” Yang said, grinning.

“You can, but I get first strike.”

“How about we punch him together?”

“Deal.”

“Sweet. I'm starting to really like you, princess!”

<… Me too…> Blake said.

Unfreeze.

“We sent those men and women back to Candela unharmed, Jacques!” Ruby snapped. “Well, mostly unharmed, and it's not like you can't just give them cool robot limbs!”

Jacques scowled. “Those are still billions in equipment, contracts, and medical expenses I'm never recouping! Make no mistake, Rune Rangers: I will not let anything stop me from claiming that Valley and all its riches for the Company and Avalon!

“Not even you, Weiss.”

Weiss winced.

Too real, too soon?

She nodded.

Sorry. Rewind!

“… I will not let anything stop me from claiming the Valley and all its riches for the Company and Avalon! And though I sincerely hope you will come to your senses before it reaches that point, I will do my best to get you away from these terrorists, and back where you belong:

“Here, in Candela, safely in your room, and under the watchful eye and guidance of your father, like every child should be.”

Weiss scowled. “I'm never going back to you!”

Words in Nivian with an Actaeon translation popped up in front of Blake's face. She spent a few moments reading them, before she said, “Yeah! You... better close up shop while you're still in the black, Zhock, because we're fur… far… forecasting big lossesses in your next quarter report!”

Freeze.

Blake sighed, her ears drooping. <I was terrible, wasn't I…?>

“Terrible is right!” Weiss cried. “Those puns were awful!”

“Hey!” Yang yelled. “I worked hard on those! Legitimately!”

Blake blinked. <You mean I didn't totally butcher what I just said...?>

“You kinda really did,” Ruby said.

<Oh.>

Weiss put her hand on her shoulder. “Look, how about the next time I'm learning Actaeon with Penny, you help me, and in exchange, we help you with your Nivian?”

Blake smiled. <Sure.>

“Great! And to start you off, you can try saying this instead...”

Unfreeze.

Weiss scowled. “I'm never going to back you!”

“She's not your propereey, you monster!” Blake cried. Her eyes darted to Weiss.

“Close enough,” she mouthed.

“True, but she is still my daughter, and until the day she turns 18, the Acropolis Accord states that is my legal and moral responsibility to keep her away from corrupting influences like you.”

Yang snorted. “Hah! Like you're the poster-boy of Good Behaviour...”

Jacques scowled. “I tire of this. My second expedition into the Valley is just about to arrive—I suggest you surrender my daughter, and step aside before they have to mow you down, too.”

The holo disappeared as alarms began to flash.

Eluna frowned as she pulled up a map of the Valley. “I'd suggest you all hurry, this group looks MUCH better armed than the first.”

“We'll take care of it, Ellie!” Ruby cried. “We're the Rune Rangers, we've got this!”

Eluna smiled. “I know you do.” She walked over to Weiss, a frown on that pretty face of hers. “Weiss, I am so sorry your first mission pits you against your own blood...”

“Don't be; I've always wanted to stick it to my father in a way he can't ignore.”

“Then do not let your rage cloud your judgment,” Eluna snapped. “It'd be DANGEROUSLY ironic if our Sapphire Ranger, the embodiment of Wisdom, does something incredibly stupid in the heat of the moment.”

She pressed a sapphire gem into her hand, funky symbols carved into its face.

“This Rune is but a key to the power that lies within you, Weiss—within all of you. Guard it well, for it has been far too long since it has had an owner.”

“Wait, what?” Yang said. “What happened to Lifi?”

Eluna's face contorted in confusion. “Who is this 'Lifi' you speak of?”

Yang slowly turned her eyes over to Ruby, who was totally, absolutely acting completely natural standing there stock still, beads of sweat slowly dripping down her face.

“Who is Lifi?” Weiss asked, looking at her, too.

“'Lifira' was what we named the golem we used in place of a fifth member, should Ren or Nora not be available,” Penny explained.

“Yeah, and we totally don't need to use her anymore since we've got Weiss now!” Ruby yelled. “How about we all teleport out of here, guys?” her rune appeared in her hand. “That new expedition could be trying to find some parking spots in shade like right now!”

Yang grabbed her wrist and stopped her she could raise her arm all the way into the sky. <Oh, Ruby... my dear, darling little sister Ruby, you are not getting out of this that easily~!>

<Nope!> Yang chirped. She turned to Weiss. “Weiss, get ready to meet your predecessor, the former Sapphire Ranger who is also totally not Ruby's golem girlfriend:

“Lifira!”

A flash of blue light appeared, spiraling downwards around a figure who was quickly forming back into existence…

“Hi!” a pale-skinned, white-haired, amethyst-eyed human girl about Ruby's age said. “My name's Lifira, but you can call me Lifi! Nice to meet you.”

#rwby #white rose #fanfic #the keeper of the grove

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gingerambition · 7 years

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Ginger vs. Bumble

I’ve downloaded Bumble, and not like the first time I downloaded Bumble when I wanted it for the BFF side to watch Bachelor with someone other than my cat. I ended up getting rid of it (the app, not my cat) after a girl asked me to get coffee after we mutually complained about skinny jeans for only two minutes. Idk about you, but we have to agree on hating at least five different things before we meet up IRL. If you dislike 5 of the following then maybe we can be bestie sans testies: skinny jeans, thick ranch dressing, dick pics, sushi, Guitar Hero, movies that take place in space, guys in sweatpants, drivers that don’t use turn signals, animal adoption commercials, and women that push strollers in the road when there’s a sidewalk.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I still have my fingers crossed I meet someone the old fashioned way. Like I adorably rear-end his car at a red light because, silly stereotypically female me, I have poor depth perception and I suck at driving. In this scene I get out of the car all flustered and apologetic, our eyes lock, we live happily ever after, and he rear-ends me till death do us part. But that’s not real life, that’s a 90′s movie starring Freddie Prinze Jr. with a soundtrack featuring The Cranberries and Sixpence None The Richer. (Swearing and near constant radio station changing aside, I’m actually a great driver). But instead of 1996 it’s 2017, year of the rooster, which is hilarious considering our president is a cock, so these things don’t happen any more, hence Bumble. You may come across my gingerness among the sea of girls using five year old pictures from college and filling their “about me” section with booze emojis.

I haven’t been on Bumble very long, but I’ve already learned quite a bit. For example, HOLY SHIT, the mirror selfie is alive and well. I thought that died with MySpace, it should have, but it did not. Also, if I see one more pic of a guy holding a fish or a deer I may ask to borrow his hunting rifle and just shoot myself. Pictures of dead animals do not get me going. Maybe it’s a guy’s way of showing he’s so GD masculine that he can hunt, he’s a provider, to appeal to some subconscious hunter-gatherer-era female desire. This might just be me, but my inner cavewoman would find a guy holding a $20 in front of a McDonald’s Dollar Menu, suggestively wiggling his eyes at chicken nuggets, significantly more attractive.

Now if a guy doesn’t have a mirror or hunting pic, he has a picture of himself as a groomsmen. Love a guy in a suit, so no complaints here. Wait, one complaint – if, from the million professional wedding pictures you’re in, you pick the one holding up your pant leg to reveal “crazy socks,” that’s fucking stupid. Left swipe. It’s just such a forced reaction. The only people that excited to see socks aren’t people, they’re house elves.

WHY DOES EVERY GUY’S BIO INCLUDE THE WORD “OUTDOORSY.” I fucking hate that word, like I enjoy the three minute walk from my car into Nordstrom, and sometimes I look at the clouds without taking a picture, does that make me outdoorsy? Are you outdoorsy in that you have apartment roof access and a two-story beer bong, or outdoorsy in that you’re so obsessed with nature you’re trying to be on Survivor? FYI I will keep my air conditioner on until it snows, I do not do heat. Sweating is only acceptable during or after seeing a “50 Shades Darker” commercial. Also, something about guys who say they're wine drinkers makes me think their favorite position is missionary.

Bumble is a lot like a High School graduation party. Everyone just keeps asking where you see yourself in five years, your goals, and about your family. My current about me section is, “Every time I follow my heart I end up at Taco Bell.” I am about to change it to, “Recently moved home, one sister in Chicago, parents are still together, freelance but looking to work in an entertainment related field, I like baseball, and yes I can cook.” But I’m not sure that will fit. One of the first guys I talked to opened with, “What’s your best and worst Bumble story?” To which I said, “This conversation, and also this conversation.” Then he unmatched with me.

When I was in a relationship I would “play” Bumble for my single friends. I would swipe right on guys that looked like Draco Malfoy or went to art school (out of solidarity). Needless to say they did not let me pick guys for them after that. Now that I am the one ridin’ solo (thank you Jason Derulo, I have listened to that song so many times on my “Single Bitch Anthems” Spotify playlist I may get the lyrics tattooed down my rib cage in fancy script and tell people it’s a Bible verse), I let them play Bumble for me. I ended up matching with a bunch of guys holding guitars or standing on boats with their arms out like the cover of a rap demo CD sold out of a dude’s trunk in a Kroger parking lot.

My girlfriends said I should always swipe right on a guy that owns or has access to a boat, or any guy that attended Harvard or Yale. I don’t care if you went to Harvard, own the yacht from “Below Deck,” love Stevie Wonder or check any other perfect dude boxes – if the glass in your mirror pic is dirty, boy bye. Sack up and buy some Windex, take your elbow deep arms out of your pants, and clean. Speaking of dream man, maybe I am meant to be alone. In middle school I determined the perfect guy for me would be an Irish firefighter, Boston accent, and a borderline alcoholic that takes care of his mom. Yep, that’s what 12-year-old, Limited Too pajama pant wearing me prayed to God for each night at 8:30pm.

Not that I am having a hard time finding matches on Bumble. I mean if you make your age range 18-80+ and max out your distance range 100 miles, you too can find the single dad of your dreams, or at least attend another prom.

#kellyannwargo #bumble #blog #gingerambition #ginger #dating #datingapps #loveandsex

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