#these motherfuckers are all so creative they are GONNA get silly with it

[mishapen-dear]

no but its so crazy to me that “intense character driven plotlines were interrupted by intense insane event the admins put on” is even a complaint we can HAVE. like. god. We have it so good. invested creators AND invested admins AND sickass storylines AND fucking incredible storytellers everywhere we look??! we have it so good we have it so so good

#qsmp #neg #<- mentioned but idont care honestly every time theres a bad thing i dont like about the server i just go wait #why am i upset aboutt the fly in the creme brûlée IVE GOT CREME BRÛLÉE #i remember yesteryear when all there was to sustain us was three peas a slice of bread and an entire cake that rotted slow #theyre all so invested theyre all godtier actors and storytellers and are addicted to the same server i am like #hot diggity damn!! #i cannot wait to see where this event goes and how its gonna effect the characters #these motherfuckers are all so creative they are GONNA get silly with it

[autumnaaltonen]

How do you think alucard would react to a gen z humor? For example: would he enjoy tiktok and vine? Would he be confused by our memes? How would he react to our self-deprecating humor?

This will be a running theme in my fanficiton, so I'm all for this. Also, I am barely Gen Z, and continuously learn new slang from my students, so excuse the cringe 😅

In my personal opinion, Alucard very much gives supportive grandpa vibes.

He's happy to view whatever "KidToks", "YouViews", or "Bumblr" memes you shove in his face. He's not going to understand it, but he's happy to watch if it makes you smile.

He really loves BookTok for reading material when he's chillin in the dungeon, especially murder mysteries and modern fantasy.

When he first got a taste of your Vine-Vocab, he legit just thought that was the way you spoke.

Seras delivering you a birthday gift: "so you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?"

Giving the Hellsing taskforce driving directions for their next mission: "Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does."

Joining him in the shooting range for target practice: "Don't fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side!"

When you eventually informed him it was from a dead meme-site that defined your generation, he was very impressed that you young-folk have such an extensive reference log to communicate with each other.

Like I said, grandpa vibes.

His favorite moments are when your Gen Z slang is directed at him. He has no idea what you're talking about, but he loves it cus it's you. You love it too, because you can use it to your advantage and flirt with him incognito.

"Alucard, I admire the 40s coat and sunhat drip, but it's a little camp these days. We really need to give you a glow up."

"I saw the footage from your last mission, and I have to say, you were an absolute snack. Totally bussin'."

"You high-key live in my head, rent-free, Alucard."

He enjoys your silly words. Such admirable youth.

But when it came to your self-deprecating humour, it was kind of 50/50 for him. He understands it with no issues, and as long as it wasn't too hurtful towards yourself, he thought it was hilarious.

"Sorry, demons! There’s no room inside me because I’m self-possessed." Hella relatable for him.

"I question my sanity a lot of times. Every now and then, it replies." He's like, "same."

You'd think he would enjoy it all, given his dark-humour streak. However, when you talk too poorly about yourself, it really puts a damper on his mood.

Even though he's a grandpa, we have to remember that Alucard is incredibly intelligent. So whenever you're shitting on yourself, he plays your game to his advantage.

You: "I'm the human equivalent of a typo."

Alucard: "But you'll always be my type."

Wait. What?

You: "If I remember correctly, the last time that I was someone’s type was when I was donating blood in the blood drive."

Alucard: "I had it for my dinner last week, it was one of the best bags I've ever drank."

Motherfucker. There more you try to put yourself down, the more creative he gets. It's like a ping-pong game of put-downs and affectionate counter-attacks.

You: "My life’s purpose is to be a cautionary tale for others."

Alucard: "I'll just have to be your happily-ever-after."

You: "I wouldn’t even settle for me, so why would you?"

Alucard: "Because we could be settling together in my coffin when we sleep."

You: "When I’m ready to sleep, I don’t bother checking if my foot is hanging off the end of my bed anymore. Come get me, demons."

Alucard: "Is that a proposition?"

You finally admit defeat, as your red cheeks and blood pressure could only handle so much.

Damn that sexy old man.

#hellsing #hellsing ultimate #alucard #alucard x reader #I had way too much fun writing this

[creativebrainrot]

Open Journal Entry - New Years (2023)

okay so i canNOT be coherent but fuck theres a lot on my mind right now.

this year was the worst fucking year of my life- it's atLEAST in the top 3.

We faced near-homelessness, awful food insecurity, the death of two beloved pets, the death of our abuser, of 20+ years, after he had only been out of our lives for two/three years at that point, and he did it to himself.

Our car broke down, our debt got worse, our abuser's family tried to take out home from us, they were such cunts. We had been trying to sell our house all year, we didn't succeed until a month ago.

I lost my first ever cat and it still hurts that she might be here right now if we had only had more money saved. She had a great life but I wasn't ready to let go of her, and I don't think losing BK will ever stop hurting. I miss her sweet little face so much. I miss her sweet little chirps and her silliness and just her presence so fucking much. it's agonizing. I miss her.

This year was one in four awful fucking years.

I don't know if 2023 was worse than 2022 for me. They feel like the same year. It was fucking awful.

But.

Last december, I forced myself to reach out. I made myself make a little "hey does this fandom have any guilds or discord servers for/by gw2blr?" post before I went to sleep for the night. I made myself reach out right before I had to sleep so that I couldn't panic and take it back.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I made my first ever friends from that decision. In fact the person (hi silv ily silv (/platonic)) who invited me to the gw2 server I hold so dear (hi slei ily slei and stuu ily stu /platonic kissy ur forehead) Is one of my closest friends now.

I have, a lot of issues. with trust and self-love and self-worth and I still struggle so much with thinking im not good enough and that everyone will find someone better etc etc I've made insanely good progress AND i have never before had people in my life that I feel like I know I can trust with myself. i am staring directly at my good friends Silvesi and Wynn/Straywyvern. shoutout to you to Specifically.

AND

im throwing affection directly at all of my friends. sorry im just like this not sorry receive affection for the new year CUNTS-

I absolutely love talking with Silv & Wynn & Del, you motherfuckers understand me on a very specific and unique autistic level ily and i love talking to you and infodumping to you and shitposting with you etc etc we need to be more insane with eachother more often beloved friends etc etc my besties <3

I've met so many people who while im not as close with them I love and am so fucking happy i met them and got to be friends with them regardless. lieflet, stu, slei, mabi, dot, lynx, fox oh my god theres so many of you.

youre so creative, kind, fun, chill, I feel safe with you and I love being stupid with you and im so glad I met the lot of you.

I've met so many fucking artists I admire so much through slei's gw2 server and that server is so relaxed and fun and chill I miss being able to hang out with you all in game. "your idols are your peers" lives in my head rent free as quote because its so true and I love. I Love.

im rlly hoping this next year my dad and I can fucking relax. for TWO minutes. oh my god.

I miss being able to relac. I miss feeling safe. I miss, so much. But not the last four years, and not that shit house I grew up in.

What I look forward to is pestering my besties more and more as I become more and more confident in myself and what others seem to see in me. I can't see it, but I'm gonna try and trust the words you say to me more and more.

Even if I end up being right, my worst fears come true, eventually. I'm gonna put in the effort like this is "forever" because we deserve to try the best for ourselves Right Now.

here's to the new year At The Very Least not getting WORSE.

#creativelyrottedmind #rotthoughts #theres some negative stuff in here and heavier mentions #pet death #abuse #theres so much on my mind and i cant wait for january because it can all reset for a second

[space-apples]

along with zera, i also wrote a silly little thing <333

@whilmsy :D

Space’s head hurt.

He had been getting more and more nauseous throughout the day, periodically blanking out and needing to sit down for a while.

“Don’t wait for me, man,” he had told Wilm, getting frustrated with himself by needing to stop to hold a hand to his head. “I’m just gonna get some sand for some TNT.”

He grinned softly to himself before wincing. It said something about him to know he found comfort in a block that caused nothing but carnage. Space didn’t remember where they met Zera, or perhaps Zera came to them. Either way, it didn’t matter. It never did with Space, did it?

The world had froze— or at least to him it did. Space didn’t even have the chance to feel the pain of losing a life until it was gone.

Space’s head hurt, his head hurt, and he couldn’t see the skeleton. Was he burning? It felt like every inch of his skin was engulfed in something he couldn’t name, and suddenly—

Suddenly Space was back in spawn.

He wanted to scream in frustration. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, he couldn’t remember.

Space couldn’t register the messages that were spamming in his comn, he was too light headed, was floating too much outside of his body to even register.

It was fine. He was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was fine, and— Zera. Zera. The parrot spawned next to him, fresh burn scars littering their face.

“Z-Zera, oh my gods, how did you—”

“Lava.”

“O-oh.” Space scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Was the erm… was the boogey chosen?”

“Yea, actually! Chem, they- it’s how Wilm lost their blue life.”

Space was Yellow, but they felt like seeing red. How dare they, how dare they. It was a Boogey, it wasn’t like Chem had much of a choice, but Wilm was his friend, Wilm was his friend, and Space wasn’t there to help, Space wasn’t there to help, Space wasn’t there to help; maybe it wasn’t Chem he truly was angry at.

Zera had left, probably back to Jay, but Space couldn’t remember. His memory tended to worsen when he had migraines. Space opened his— not really his, not really his, it was his little brother’s— comn, quickly messaging the friend that had gotten… in their words, “sillied.”

< bleedingpheonix4 > whispers to 0rPh3u5_… where are you?

(Space’s little brother liked the imagery of a being who’s reborn from death, that to even be reborn in the first place you have to bleed. The motherfucker was poetic.)

< 0rPh3u5_ > whispers to you… -222 18

< bleedingpheonix4 > whispers to 0rPh3u5_… i can come to you?

< 0rPh3u5_ > whispers to you… sure!

He put the comn down only to put a hand to his forehead once more. He couldn’t look at the thing right now, not with this ridiculous migrane.

-

Everything was fine. Truly, it was! He was on two hearts, but it was fine! He had a bird now, that’s all that mattered. Space creatively named it Feathers, because he couldn’t think of anything else. In fact, his head was throbbing too much to even think.

Which is why when the zombie snuck up behind him he once again didn’t have the chance to defend himself.

Gods, there was something wrong with him. There was something incredibly wrong with him. He woke up at spawn for the third time that day, oh gods the third time that day, the third time that day, he was an idiot, he was an idiot, breathing heavily. His frown grew he brought a hand to his forehead for the umpteenth time.

Space’s head hurt. His head hurt so much.

#5llsmp #spaceapples writes #should i make a spaceapples angst tag <//3 #spaceapples #5ll space #5ll wilm #5ll zera #death duo

[eccentricastrologer]

An Introduction to Me:

Hey, I'm Emily and I'm an Astrologer.

Here's some info to get to know me:

I'm an Aries Sun, Gemini Moon, and a Scorpio Rising.

My birth chart, will be shared with mutuals only. Especially my friends as well. Mostly my friends actually.. So..

Sorry it's nothing personal. I just don't trust people with my birth chart like that.. Sorry. Maybe, one day I could do a comparison of it?

Like a post on Synastry; I could show my chart.. Or something?

I don't know, I guess it's not that harmless.

Just don't want people stealing my identity or some shit...

Which is why I'm not gonna say my last name right now.

My personality is a bundle of random and down right crazy bitch.

I have resting bitch face, okay? Remember, my placements make me a bitch. Like an annoying and clingy one too.

That's what Scorpio Rising, Gemini Moon, and Aries Sun does to a motherfucker.

MBTI: INTP - T

Enneagram: 4w5 

Instinctual Variants: SX SP SO

TriType: 458

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw 

Ilvermorny House: Horned Serpent

Patronus: Little Owl

That's basically my personality.

Here are some of my traits:

Good Traits;

Creative, Eccentric (ofc), Silly, Cute, Easy to understand, Good music taste, Enjoys Astrology thoroughly so much I've become an expert on the subject alone, Genius, Random, Weird, Fun, Loves people, Imaginative, Quirky, Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving, Literally a Ravenclaw (stop calling me a Hufflepuff before it becomes my next trigger.), Talkative, Such a type 4 it's not even funny, Did I say creative? I meant CREATIVE!

Vs

Bad

Paranoid, Talks way too fast, Has multiple mental illnesses, Likes shitty obscure music no one knows about, Likes Astrology as a Christian, Triggered easily, Anxious, Depressed, Rambles way too much, Wastes too much time on potential lovers, Only to be disregarded or ignored or even blocked by them...

My gender is Demigirl, though I am also a bit genderfluid. I have a hard time accepting who I am a lot. I'm a girl though, and I love all genders. Graypansexual without any preference. I'm also panromantic. Though, that should've been obvious. I mean, come on.

Anyway, I hope this post helps you. It's my first original post so enjoy!

#All about me #get to know me #tarot readings #astrology moodboard #synastry #astro observations #astro notes #natal chart #witchblr #tarot #get to know the blogger #get to know them

[phantomphangphucker]

DannyMay Day 3: College Days - Scientific Peculiarity - Chap.1: It’s Such A Delight!

Typically, university/college wasn’t much of an interest or in the cards for Danny. But when the kid’s actually REALLY FUCKING GOOD with ghost hunter gear and tech plus super creative, and then you add in Vlad’s deep DEEP pockets… Meanwhile, Tadashi and co. think the new face is a little… strange. Hiro’s friend or not.

“Wait, you mean you’re going to be coming down here!?! SICK!”.

“Yup! Vlad wrangled me in, I’m not asking how but I’m in! I’m honestly really excited even if it means being outside of Amity for a while. Though… getting away from my folks is probably for the best”.

“Yeah”, he winces, he knew that Danny’s parents weren’t the greatest. Hiro might be ‘a fourteen-year-old kid’ but he’s not stupid. Someone can only mention their parents forgetting to feed them so many times before it’s obvious that it’s a habit. And their lab safety sounded really sad. Hiro had enjoyed bugging his brother by randomly mentioning whatever latest thing Danny’s parents had done, leaving his big brother practically ranting about lab safety.

And now Danny was coming here. To San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. To work on lame nerd stuff but still. Maybe Hiro’ll actually go to the labs there, like Tadashi’s always wanted him to, just to watch Danny harass everyone with his goblin energy and Fenton style ‘lab safety’.

“I’m honestly just surprised that I got approval to work with ecto and all that”.

Hiro chuckles, “yeah, you always make that stuff sound super dangerous”, smirking, “and fun”. Aka really cool in Hiro’s opinion. Even if he’s not… entirely sold on the whole ghost thing. But it would be really neat! And the possibility of seeing the dead again… yeah, he’d like that.

“Oh it is. All the chaos. Speaking of dangerous and fun, win any bot fights lately?”.

Now that, that gets Hiro grinning, “you know it! Tadashi was mad and totally got thrown in jail”.

“HA! Nice! Gotta stick it to those overbearing siblings sometimes! When I get there and finally meet that brother of yours I’m going to immediately ask when we goin’ bot fighting and when he tries to ask if I’m into robotics to try and steer the conversation away from illegal activities, I’ll tell him that ‘nope! Interdimensional travel to the land of the dead’s my thing!’ and he will cry ”.

Hiro is actively laughing hard enough to be tearing up a little, “he actually might!”. His big brother was probably the most anti-things-that-haven’t-been-proven-by-science guy he knows! And Hiro’s pretty sure that if someone tried to argue if leprechauns were real just to be silly, Danny would respond with ‘oh I don’t know, probably?’. You could say you rode a unicorn and he’d just judge you for not having pictures. Just the same, Danny was the only one who didn’t go all mother-hen on him about the bot fighting.

“Anyways, I gotta finish packing this mess. Before my dad offers to help”; Danny’s cringe is very noticeable.

“Cool, bye”. Hiro smiling down at his phone. Oh he hopes Danny’s lab space or whatever gets put in with Tadashi’s!

---

Danny lounges, feet up on the dashboard of Vlad’s expensive ass car. Hands behind his head, “Ancients this is gonna be so awesome”.

“I’m glad you’re excited”, Vlad side-eyeing Danny, “and that you let yourself go”. Making Danny shrug, “eh, I’m on good terms with a lot of ghosts now so I know they won’t do any serious damage, any others Val’s tough enough to handle and she can call me if she needs help”, smirking at the older man, “you know I’m a fast-flying motherfucker”.

“Language”.

“Boo to you. Boo”.

Vlad rolls his eyes as they finally pull into the university’s parking lot, “well now you can get out and stop scuffing up my dashboard”. Danny smirking and making a point to just scuff it up more as he opens the door and gets out. Vlad gets him back by managing to make the back door open just right to smack Danny in the face. Danny sticking his tongue out at the man while Vlad smirks. Vlad rolling down his driver's side window, “got everything?”.

“Yup! You can so totally go back to your silly mayor duties”.

“And I will. Just remember, ghosts might be an open secret, but they’re not ‘having a ghostly sparring match in broad daylight in the middle of San Fransokyo’ levels of an open secret”.

Danny waving the man off with a piece of luggage, “pffft I know, I know; old man. Geez. But if, say, Cujo decides to haul ass through whatever lab or one of the probably evil head professors decides to do shit; who knows”.

Vlad quirks an eyebrow, “‘probably evil’?”.

“Callaghan seems super sketchy”.

Vlad sighs, “well he is the one who let you in to work on ghost tech. So that would line up with your very unlucky track record”.

Danny laughing and beginning to walk off, “yup! Evil therapists! Evil doctors! Evil carnival! Evil mayor!”.

Vlad just rolls his eyes with a chuckle before smoothly backing out and driving off.

-

Danny lets out a long breath when he gets inside, smiling. This was gonna be nice! Sure he was the only sixteen-year-old here probably and was probably going to get that ‘child prodigy’ treatment/label, but fuck it. First! To find his dorm! Which he thankfully doesn’t have a roommate for due to ‘health concerns’ regarding ectoplasm and probably the school or whatever looked into what happened to the last person who played roommate to any Fenton. Aka, Vlad getting hospitalised for seven years. Jazz just got her own apartment too; which Vlad also paid for. Their parents had set up college/university funds but not very big ones, most of their money went to their work, not his or Jazz’s futures; though Jazz got all the money from the fund, since they didn’t think Danny would ever go. But pretty much entirely thanks to Vlad being the decent but kinda crazy uncle he was, Danny was fucking HERE. At basically one of the best tech schools out there so that he could work on ghost tech that was all his own. Was Phantom Grade.

Pausing his walking and staring a little, holy crap there was a bar attached to the building. Too bad he can’t legally drink… in the living realm anyways. Either may he chuckles over the little not-so-hidden find, before hauling ass again.

-

His dorm room… is tiny. Oh well. It’s just for one person so it’s probably the smallest in the building. Shrugging and stuffing things away before being smart and putting some (invisible) ecto-proofing spray all over basically everything. It would be really bad form if he contaminated the place too horribly or ecto-burnt a hole into the carpet or accidentally brought his dresser to life.

And now… Lucky Cat Café! To let Hiro know that the problem has arrived! And was late! Like usual.

---

Hiro, and Tadashi for the first time in a while, were currently helping Aunt Cass out with the workload at the café, when Danny basically kicks in the front door. Him sauntering in like he’s trying to cause problems, rough blue steel-toed doc martins, patch-covered beat-up crust-pants, a leather jacket with dick-shaped studs on the collar; in short, he looked like trouble. Him throwing up his hands and shouting, “Hiro!”.

Hiro throwing up his hands too, “Danny!”, dropping his hands, “dude, did you put on makeup to make your scar more obvious?”, and laughs. Danny grins stupidly, putting his hands in his pockets as he walks over, “hey now, I had to look like the definition of a ‘bad influence friend’ for meeting your family for the first time”, and snickers before waving at a curious-looking Aunt Cass and cautious-looking Tadashi.

“You’re such a Problem”.

“Why thank you dearly for the compliment. Also!”, Danny sticking up a finger while also pulling out a little paper, “since Tadashi goes to SFIT, he can tell me where my lab space is”.

Tadashi blinks, frowning a little, “you’re going to SFIT?”, he sounds both impressed and less than impressed.

“Yup! Richest man on the planet paid my way! That, and being on the cover of genius magazine and being raised by tech geniuses probably helped. Even if I am, like, four years younger than you”, waving him off, “my sister went to Yale. Lame, I know. Pioneering some new branch of psychology or something”, and shrugs.

Tadashi looking to Hiro with a fond quirked eyebrow, “now when did you go befriending a child genius?”. Aunt Cass adding in more judgingly, “and why have we never met before?”, her looking to Danny, “how do you like your coffee?”.

Danny smirking, “as caffeinated as you’re willing to make it, legal or otherwise”, sticking up a finger at her while Tadashi does actually take the lab assignments paper from him, “I’m from Illinois, Amity Park specifically”. She nods acceptingly and quickly goes to make him something real quick.

Hiro blushes a little awkwardly while Danny turns his attention on Tadashi, grinning devilishly, “and we met over battle bots”, and looks very very smug when Tadashi practically gives him a death glare. Tadashi sighing after a beat, “well I’m glad you’re doing more with your intellect than just that”, quickly giving Hiro a look, which the teen rolls his eyes over, before looking back to Danny, “and I take it you’re into robotics then?”. Making Hiro facepalm, since Tadashi just walked right into this like Danny said he would.

Danny, somehow, looks even more smug, “oh no, I’m working on ghost hunting tech and interdimensional death portals”.

Aunt Cass blinks, handing Danny off a ludicrously strong coffee, “well that’s certainly intresting”. While Hiro bends over laughing at Tadashi looking like he just bit a lemon.

Danny waving Tadashi off with a smirk, “both my parents are ghost hunters, Jazz is doing work on ghost psychology and ghost envy, there’s even a few witch hunters in the family tree”, and grins open-mouthed. Knowing full well Tadashi officially hates his guts.

After a bit… “tell me that’s a joke”.

Hiro starts laughing, hard, again. While Danny just snickers, “I don’t know, guess you’ll just have to find out”.

Tadashi hands back the paper politely at least, “well you’re in the same lab as me”; everyone can feel the ‘unfortunately’ tacked on the end there. Danny saluting with his cup, “well I guess lll go wander around the lab area until you come and lead me there like a lost little puppy”, gives him a mocking pout and walks out.

Tadashi blinks, looking back to Hiro, “ghost hunters? Really? Really”. Hiro shrugs, “he’s admitted himself that his parents are crazy”.

“Oh thank god”.

---

Danny wasn’t kidding, he did actually just… wander around aimlessly. Unnerving a lot of people. Tadashi shaking his head before waving Danny to follow him; smiling slightly at the excitable first year… even if he was a little strange.

Which the teen proceeds to prove as soon they get into the lab by sticking out his hands and shouting, “I AM HERE TO SAY HELLO TO MY COLLEGE YEARS! HA HA!”. Everyone pausing what they’re doing to look at them.

Tadashi resisting sighing purely to avoid discouraging the teenager. Absently realising that this was that friend with parents that had truly horrible lab safety tendencies, that Hiro had mentioned more than once. Watching the teenager walk off to the only open lab area and slam his hands down hard enough to make

everything on it bounce. Alright, he’s not entirely sure how he feels about this.

#Danny Phantom #phandom #dannymay #dannymay 2022 #day 3 #college days #CrossOver #big hero 6 #danny fenton #Vlad Masters #tadashi #hiro #aunt cass #college #danny's a little shit #Mentor! Vlad #the fenton's a+ parenting #fanfic #phanphic #my writing #have a fic suck my dick #phantomphangphucker

[wifegideonnav]

well i… finished act 5 act 2. gonna have to rewatch cascade a bunch of times and probably read the act summary on the wiki but i have officially reached the end of the act

still enjoying it a lot but it’s getting harder and harder to read. summing up a rant i gave my friend, i’m not super in love with the sense of predestined futility - or more accurately, i don’t feel that the narrative has properly addressed that yet and justified why i should be reading about these characters who were like 100x doomed from the start.

there are so many characters and so much happening that nothing is lingered upon, which is nice pacing-wise but not so nice emotional-impact-wise. i also think the “everybody dies a bajillion times and it’s fine until all of a sudden it’s not” thing works against it in a sense, especially when the narrative doesn’t stop to mourn anyone who’s actually dead, bc by the time you realize hey wait maybe like. vriska or dad or feferi/nepeta/equius etc are dead for real it’s been like 200+ pages and you’re like well ok. what do i do here exactly.

and i know that that’s an intentional choice hussie made for how he wanted to craft his narrative - im wishing for things that he deliberately chose not to give. im not trying to say that these choices are flaws in his writing, just that as an audience member i tend to prefer the tlt method of dealing with death, where one main character dies and then the entire next book is about another ripping herself apart because of it.

im not giving up by any means, or even saying that this is what’s dominating my reading experience. like i said im still enjoying myself and appreciate most of the creative decisions that hussie is making. it can just feel very draining i suppose, watching these characters i’ve come to care about - almost all of whom are literal children - fighting so hard so futilely, and so far, imo the narrative hasn’t paid that off. however, with that out of the way, here are (some of, bc this shit was long as hell) my thoughts on the act, more or less in order:

i have literally no interest in johnkat. probably partially bc my friend is so into davekat that ive been conditioned to just wait for that to happen but also bc they have no chemistry. sorry to any johnkat shippers out there but idc it’s boring

i have slightly more but still negligible interest in john/vriska. probably bc i… don’t really care about john. sorry to any john stans out there but idc he’s boring

karkat and terezi sharing a keyboard to argue my beloved

rose my beloved. but also. sweetie :/

vriska my beloved. but also. SWEETIE :/

kanaya my beloved. you’re doing great no notes

oh yeah dave and terezi manipulated the stock market. still don’t 100% understand that but whatever good for them

yeah ok the dream bubbles. christ. like ok i GET it but they’re still annoying

i love jade’s dynamic with karkat she really goes from “teehee im just a silly little girl haha” to “im going to eviscerate this motherfucker”

bec prototyping himself was genuinely such a good reveal

is it just me or is john's power like. way lamer than the other kids' lmao. like it's still cool, def better than nothing, but come on

not too much to say abt the exiles but i love them

also with all the fucking timeline bullshit that's going on i literally can't wait to reach the end and reread with the uhsc mod that lets you follow a specific person's timeline. i canNOT keep track of what's happening when for who

it is literally so funny that vriska has been the cause of jade's narcolepsy this entire time. like wow girl you really took the opportunity to be a massive dick to her huh

LET'S BE SANTA

frogs. ok sure. why not.

fuck doc scratch all my homies hate doc scratch. i will say though. he is a fantastic character.

holy shit eridan and gamzee snapping and killing like everyone. that was buckwild what the fuck. not gonna lie idc that equius is dead, and nepeta, feferi, and tavros were never my faves. but got damn it sucks that they're dead. (ostensibly. still not one thousand percent convinced)

sad karkat :(

murderous kanaya :D

WV "DRIVING" AHHHH

oh god the ancestors. sorry but i simply do not care about that shit. like i know that they're actually relevant but. :/

also i don't like the trope of chains of events being echoed across generations. like damn get your own plot. also it ties into that determinism and futility that i'm grappling with

i will say though. mindfang mentally thanking redglare for taking her arm because then her battle against his honorable tyranny because it made it "a fair fight"? hot. i'm brave enough to say it.

aradia is cool as fuck. i wish we got more of her/her personality

aradia's ancestor is also cool as fuck. sucks that literally nothing she did to resist her fate worked or mattered

the scratch stuff is genuinely interesting narratively/in terms of a plot device. again it still sucks that the beta kids aren't actually going to get to win the game themselves. like i assume they'll be talking to/guiding the alpha kids but like. god it's so unfairrr i bet there'll be angst about this

rose going grimdark is so fun. also LMAO john trying to chat with her in that flash game portion

TEREZI god i love her. sucks that she killed vriska tho bc i love her and also i ship them. oh well murder is not necessarily a roadblock to them getting together. troll romance sure is weird. i have hope in my heart.

vriska isn't dead forever bc no she isnt <3

the betty crocker shit. is funny. and also stupid as hell.

SAD KARKAT :((

ok i guess the stuff about karkat's ancestor and the history of the troll race is kinda interesting. whatever.

everyone's in love/hate with gamzee all of a sudden?? literally why. troll romance sure is FUCKING confusing

that was a pretty anticlimactic climax to the gamzee situation, gotta say

cascade was confusing as fuck i don't have thoughts on it yet

so yeah that's it! if you're still reading, why? let me know what your thoughts on act 5 act 2 were when you read it, or your thoughts on my thoughts lol. just pls no spoilers for anything past cascade!!

#hs #op

[theoldaeroplane]

jouwnaling

had a really, really nice day yesterday, was just in a lovely mood all day. I think it may have been related to the fact I did not get high the night before, so I'm going to try to test that theory and dial my usage down. I really enjoy weed and think it has a lot of benefits, especially for neurodivergent folk, but I'm recognizing that I used it as a way to cope with my situations last year. I'd like to wean myself off it a bit and be more present now that my life is starting to not suck. Still gonna keep it around for fun and really bad ruminating though. Weed makes it so much easier for me to hang out with people in person for a long time, and to go into overstimulating spaces.

Been having tons of fun rotating my version of Link in my brain for Antebellum (the WIP name of my LoZ fic). He has so many problems. He is a dumb motherfucker. I'm also consciously putting a lot of things I've been struggling with into this story, both to process them for myself and to give the fic, you know, that extra layer of authenticity, relatability? It's nice, I'm excited to be excited again. I'm gonna fuck up that elf boy so bad.

Had my second yoga class last night, it was nice. I'm not sure if I can afford to keep going but I'm going to try to. In a way it feels silly to pay for something I could technically do for free at home with a YouTube video, but I think the atmosphere makes a significant enough difference to be worth paying for.

Finally made a vet appointment for the dog. She needs her shots and I can't put off the fact she needs dental surgery any longer.

I really, really need to reopen commissions, but I still feel burned out on art. I'm trying to make some adoptables and YCHs as a middle ground. Haven't had a lot of success there yet. That said, I've been putting a lot of my energy into cleaning up my house and taking care of myself. The house is coming along really well, and hopefully soon I'll have it leveled out enough to make it a nicer space for my creative endeavors.

I applied for another job this week, one totally out of my field and experience: house cleaning. It's not something I'd ever considered, but I found the listing by chance and it occurred to me that a job where I just clean and listen to podcasts sounds like heaven. Especially for my autistic ass. No constant stream of customers. No dress shirts. No repeatedly explaining terms and price sheets. Just show up and clean. I'm sure such a job has its own frustrations (hard on the body, exceptionally gross houses, telling people when something is not in my job description, driving a lot), but, like. My current job---while I genuinely like a lot of the work, and I really love my boss and coworkers---the customer service aspect is killing me, the dress code brings back bad memories, and even though I'm working full time (over full time, even, I'm there 8:30-5 because I take a thirty minute lunch break) I'm not making enough to fully support myself. I keep getting sent home early because there's nothing for me to do, and my boss is only a regional manager and has been very forthcoming with the fact I am already at the absolute highest end of the payscale for my position without taking on more responsibilities.

The fact that I can be working full time and still have to rely on a side hustle, and even THEN can't put anything aside for savings, is awful. I can't do more hours, I can't take on more responsibilities, and I can't get a second job. Any of those things would seriously compromise my mental health and I have to take care of myself. I've always dreaded it when I'm asked to take on more responsibilities at my jobs. I don't want advancement, I don't want to manage anyone (I can barely manage myself!), I don't give a shit what my title is. I want to do my work really well, get paid, and go home.

And the cleaning job, at the absolute lowest end, still pays about 5k more per year than my current position.

So, currently, yeah, housecleaning sounds like a dream job. Show up. Clean. Leave. Repeat. The company in question also has glowing employee reviews on Glassdoor, with the worst things being "could pay better" and "sometimes there's favoritism." I don't have any qualms about """being a maid""" on like a social level or whatever. I like the idea that I would be making a tangible difference for individuals, instead of printing out hundreds of advertising mailers that are going to go directly into the trash. I finding cleaning very satisfying. I like the idea of not sitting around bored because there's no customers and nothing to do and I'm not allowed to have my phone out, and then getting sent home early so I miss out on half my pay for that day. And so much less masking! My god! It sounds like paradise!

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but sometimes that's because it really is better grass.

So. Hoping to hear back about that soon. I filled out a questionnaire thing for them yesterday that seemed like it was basically checking to see if I was a narcissistic sociopath or not. I have a weekend without any Special Events happening for the first time in like a month, just my tabletop games and my volunteer work. My clothes and bedding are all washed, I got most of the dog piss smell out of the carpet from when I was too exhausted to take her out often enough, and I cut my hair. I have a writing project again. I've been making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I adore going out to the barn every saturday. My therapist says I'm doing really, really well. Everything's coming up Corgi, for now. Fingers crossed :)

[goblinrockcandy]

hey guys im BACK baby and i have some words

here are links so you can still find everything, but be wary that these links are probably gonna break any minute when i start moving everything around. lets hope i can remember to fix them and that i dont take a year to get to doing that: ARCHIVE    MY ART    OTHER ORGANIZATION TAGS

IM STILL ALIVE. i like to think that i never rlly left, but I havent posted in a damn while and part of that is because life stuff caught up with me and moreso because uhhhhhh Well im not quite satisfied with the way my blogs formatted right now, it makes posting and organizing and navigating harder than it has to be and it makes it Not Fun to post things.

SO. what we're gonna do is revamp things a lil bit. we're fucking doing this we are Making It Happen. what this'll do is itll make it easier for me to post things without having to remember every silly tag and rule i have set up here, and ill also just have a bit more of a laid-back and fun kinda art blog. i tried to do an elaborate tagging system, but MAN i am too forgetful for that.

so im just gonna keep it simple. character, fandom, content warnings, and maybe some other flavourtags. the sorts of things thatll make it easier for me to just pop up a quick drawing on even a busy day without having to go through a silly step by step process on how to tag things. because i love sharing my art and posting :)) but not so much when it is difficult </3

but hell who knows how thisll go after i reboot my bloggo. i think she was due for some maintenance for a long while. *pats the sidebar like you would soothe an agitated horse* there there girl, its gonna be alright. maybe ill even start making... casual posts? text posts? things like that??? damn Maybe.

im also gonna private some organization posts until i can properly wrangle then and sort out their kinks and oddities, and im gonna disable my blog theme for a bit. when i get a braincell on how to do an html and a css properly, THEN i can have a pretty theme. in the meantime, ill probably just set myself up with one of the tumblr defaults.

anyways. *ahem* for anyone who doesnt know me and this is their first stumble upon my blog while i move things around. feel free to click the read more if you want to subject yourself to the silliest introduction i could make for myself possible.

hi. i like to draw but lately my art skills have been a bit shakey, i think im out of practice so im probably gonna start out doing some studies. my styles and designs for characters are always changing, but lately ive been trying to cement some designs that are in my brain Onto Paper.

im goblinrockcandy but you can call me GRC if that's a mouthful (thats what i call me because i do not have time for 5 syllables). im a Knight of Heart and sometimes that gets shortened to KoH and so sometimes people call me koh. now KOH is also the chemical formula for potassium hydroxide, but no one calls me that (a real shame, it flows right off the tongue and i think its a lovely set of sounds), but potassium hydroxide also goes by another name and that is lye. so sometimes people call me lye. i don't have a name so if you want to refer to me you have to get creative or pick up my blog by the scruff of its handle like a really ugly cat and point at it and say "this motherfucker right here".

same goes for pronouns. my pronouns are none/applicable. you gotta BE CREATIVE if you want to refer to me... pronouns are a crutch. they were your training wheels and now im the final boss. you have to fight me with your other words, this is what you have been training for.......

im trans queer person of colour, painfully unfunny and addicted to bad jokes, and i love homestuck. my faves switch up every once in a blood moon but right now i really fuckin love jake english. you might have discerned that by the very subtle hints of I talk about Him all the time & dirt striber avatar.

#announcement #intro post

[beauregard-s]

Cherry Vodka [Part I] | Richie T. + Eddie K.

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader x Eddie Kaspbrak (21+)

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: language, nsfw material but no explicit sex (yet), alcohol, polyamory mention, kind of a modern au too

Anon said:  “ okay so based off that art you reblogged of the richie x bev x eddie, what about like a reader x richie x eddie fluffy smut based off that (i hope that makes sense bahahha)”

A/n: Yeah, I had to split it in two parts because 7k words... I’m sorry it took me so long to post it, dear anon, if you’re still outta there. I rewrote and changed the plot of this one three times and it’s inspired by this post and by the song Sleep Apnea by Beach Fossils, by the way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Richie…” “What, doll?” You felt his hand trailing down the small of your back, slowly and treacherously. 

You rolled your eyes from your book to meet Richie’s little smirk. He had his black wayfarers on, even though the sun was down in the horizon now, and behind those you knew his eyes have been glazing all over you. He was all careless laying on his side right next to you on the towel, unruly wind-dried curly hair, head up resting on a hand, the other free one teasing you because he just couldn’t help it when you’d put on that black high-cut swimsuit of yours. Eddie shared the curly-haired boy thoughts but, on the other hand, he laid peacefully flat on his back by your right side. Arms resting under his head, eyes closed, but here and there he’d peek at your and Richie’s constant bickering. You, laying on your stomach in between them, were still in your swimsuit from earlier. After lunch, it was Richie’s idea to go to this lake nearby by his parents' vacation house. It was also Richie’s idea to spend spring break there. Usually, your break trips would include their other friends, who ended up being your friends too over time, but that was being a harsh semester for quite everyone. With Bill and Stan stuck with their academic duties, the best idea was to drive to the Tozier’s vacation house in a small town in Pennsylvania. It was a simple, untouched, two-floor house. Richie told in the car his parents bought it when he was a teenager so they could travel and spend some time there, but ended up not doing that as much as they intended on once it was too far from his city. “For fuck’s sake, Richie!” Laughing was not what you intended, but you did it and you heard Eddie giggling behind you. Richie’s hand had finally made its way to your hips now, while he leaned closer. “Come on, toots. Just one kiss…” He whispered in his best charming tone, but you pushed him away, playing cool although you felt your cheeks burning, the known hots already hitting you like a truck. “No! Fuck off… I already told you we should stop doing this,” you muttered. “You always say that,” it was Eddie who reasoned, and you turned for him, eyes threatening him with no words while he shrugged. “Yeah, and I’m sticking to it,” you retorted. Indeed. It had been over a month since you last… Did what you did. “Plus I think Stan has been suspicious…” Richie snorted, “yeah, like lil old he would give a single fuck about it, y/n.” You breathed out, closing the book because now your concentration was ruined. Richie, Eddie, and you met at the creative writing class, 8 am on Tuesdays, your first semester of college. You remembered as it was today how you found them “lost” less than 10 feet away from the lecture hall but arguing like an old couple without realizing that. You helped them find the right way, and Richie flirted with you as you walked into the class, while Eddie scoffed at him for making them get lost and almost late. You knew those boys had been friends their entire life, but from that moment on the three of you became inseparable. If someone needed to find one of you on the campus, the other two would probably be found at the same place. The pureness of your friendship didn’t last long. It only lasted until the first party you went to together, when you lost to Richie at a snooker game and he claimed a kiss as his prize, the smooth motherfucker he was. You kissed him and only that, but ten minutes later you were making out in the bathroom. You made him swear he wouldn’t make things complicated between you two and he had been keeping his promise ever since. Eddie was a whole out of the curve story though. After what happened at said party, you noticed how fidgety he got about the matter of you and Richie been together once, although he did a great job hiding it. Took a while for him to leave it alone, but you didn’t. Something pestering inside wouldn’t let you. You were at his dorm, studying for a complicated final exam while the sky fell apart in rain outside when you asked him why he got upset. He denied to his death he had jealousy of you and Richie running through his veins, but you knew he was lying when his eyes started to avoid yours, saying ‘Richie’s a better ladies' man, anyway’. You shoot your shot without really thinking about it, told him ‘he was just as desirable as Richie’ and it seemed to light a spark between you two. You were the one who leaned closer but he closed the gap, nervously, pulling you into his lap as soon as you kissed him back, building up his confidence. Just like when Richie and you had your thing, you felt no need to hide from him what happened between you and Eddie. It was an embarrassing talk, but it worked. The three of you quickly and naturally warmed up to the facts: you were friends with benefits with both of them and there was nothing complicated about that for you. But you wanted to keep it low because casually making out with your best friends regularly here and there over time whenever you all desired to was none of people business. Eddie rolled over to lay on his stomach, just like you were, shoulder to shoulder. After a couple days constantly under the sun, you noticed he had more freckles than usual over his nose and cheeks, a few on his shoulders. “You’re being more uptight about it all than me, and everyone knows that being more uptight than me is a big deal...” His self depreciative statement made you flash a half-smile, but didn't stop you from leering at his soft lips because you remembered how he tasted like mint whenever you’d kiss. And it had been a long time since you did for the last time. “I’m just being cautious, Spagheddie.” He smiled at the silly nickname, just when you freed yourself from Richie’s grip, grabbed your book and got up, leaving them on the grass while you walked towards the backdoor. “Where ya’ goin’?” Richie called, but you didn’t look back. “Taking a shower!” You shouted. ‘I fucking need to cool down,’ you thought to yourself. In your silly head, about a year ago, this whole situation was a great idea. Now you found yourself utterly screwed. There was pining going on since the very first beginning in between you and them. You always knew it was there, you just didn’t expect it to escalate like it did. You thought once you had tasted from Richie and Eddie, you’d be done. Checked them out of your possibilities, life goes on, but now you were bonded to them in a way you never intended on. You fell for them. For both of them. And that was making you act up. Since your high school years you understood you were an afraid-of-commitment kind of person. No big deal, no attachments, no pain, so you weren’t ready to fall for a single person alone. Falling for two at the same time made your brain short circuit. You had debated the matter with yourself multiple times before. Since you became aware of it happening, you weren’t able to choose between them, you didn’t even know someone was capable of splitting their feelings like that. Your only solution was to stop it somehow. You couldn’t just leave them completely, so you decided to break the colorful side of that mess of a friendship. It wasn’t easy because it was not just about physical bonds. They were everywhere around you. Eddie would buy you coffee on the test mornings he knew you were tired after studying the whole night and hand it to you kissing your forehead. Richie would always hold your hand, keep you close and protect you somehow, doing that thing where he’d distractedly run his thumb over your knuckles. You knew that maybe you were not just an arousal let-out for them too and that made things even worse. You ruminated the facts the whole time you were under the cold water upstairs, and when you came down later, all damp hair and sleep clothes, you found them both in the kitchen, struggling with dinner although it was just frozen lasagna for three. Beach Fossils played from Richie’s phone, open vodka bottle on the wood table in the middle of the small kitchen. Richie was the one who first noticed you there, smiling over his shoulder. “Gonna leave you watching Eds so he doesn’t implode the house while I take a shower, doll. Help the poor man.” he said, walking past by you and running upstairs. “You’re talking like you weren’t the one struggling to turn on the oven!” Eddie shouted at him. You laughed just like Richie did at distance, joining Eddie by the stove. “Do you want a hand there?” “Never mind,” he said, closing the oven door with a proud grin, “it will be ready in twenty, I guess.” “Talented boys you two are!” you scoffed. “Oh shut up!” He faked a disgusted face at you. Your eyes laid over the cherries you bought the day you arrived, placed in a fruit basket on the counter and, while Eddie sat down at the table you grabbed a glass, the vodka, and a handful of cherries. He didn’t ask you what you were doing, but your peripheral sight allowed you to know he was keeping full attention on you while you fumbled around. You mashed the fruits in the glass until they were a reddish pasta, collecting the seeds and pouring alcohol over what lasted in there. As you swayed everything together, you remembered drinking it once, but not quite where was it. You gulped it turning around to finally face Eddie, and he was splayed in a chair, a ghost of a smile on. “The hell you doin’?” he asked lowly and you shrugged. “I don’t know… But it worked.” He raised his brows, getting up and walking towards you. “Yeah? Is it good?” You hummed in response, feeling it burn down your throat. In the deep of your mind, watching Eddie coming closer and closer, you knew what was about to happen, but you didn’t act fast enough against it. “Let me taste it” And he did. Not from the cup but straight from your lips. Eddie leaned in and kissed you softly, an arm around your waist while his free hand went for the back of your neck. And you ease in melting into him was embarrassing, leaving the cup onto the sink as soon as he pressed you against it before the glass ended up shattered on the floor. His tongue slid over yours, hands going to grab your hips, lifting your shirt a bit in the process. You instantly wished he took it off, already built up after spending that time alone in the middle of nowhere and with that aching tension all over the place. You had sex with Richie twice already over time, one of them a bit drunkenly, the other completely sober and thirsty for it, but you had never done it with Eddie. And you wanted it bad. Been wanting for a long time now, since that fucking rainy day in his dorm. But you knew you couldn’t, not when you shouldn’t even be kissing him like that after managing to stick up to your chastity for over a month now. So your hands palmed his chest and gently pulled him away. “Holy fuck…” Richie’s whispered voice made both you and Eddie startle. He was right there, at the kitchen entrance with a towel around his waist, mouth agape looking at both of you and you had no idea of how much time was standing there now. But he for sure saw shit happening. “That was the fucking fastest shower ever,” Eddie said, so casually it disturbed you. “N-no… I just came back to grab my phone.” Richie muttered. You froze, having no idea of how to move or what to say now. Yes, they were pretty aware you messed around with both of them, but one never saw the other in the act. Never, nor even a peck, and now Richie just witnessed a goddamn show. You were ready to tell him how you were sorry because you had just denied him a kiss when you were sunbathing outside and you have been constantly denying him for weeks now, but he didn’t give you the chance. Richie grabbed his phone over the table and stopped the music. You had the hint that maybe he wasn’t upset once he had that little mischievous smirk of his while he made his way out of there and upstairs again. Of course you didn’t talk about the matter over dinner, but Richie acted like nothing happened and Eddie just followed the lead completely unbothered. You tried to go on as naturally as they did, but something about Richie’s furtive looks over you made you think he was definitely not cool about catching you and Eddie together in the kitchen. You just couldn’t tell if either he was jealous or whatever was that and it pinched you from the inside the rest of the night while you watched old TV shows reprising until it was past one in the morning. That was when Eddie started yawning and decided to go upstairs, to the room that’d be Richie’s formerly, kissing your forehead and smiling nonchalantly before shoving Richie’s shoulder. So it was Richie, you and silence in the living room lighten up by TV flashes here and there. He was already sleepy, laying on the couch he had been sleeping since he insisted on leaving his parents’ bedroom for you, claiming he'd be a terrible host if he had you or Eddie without a bed. You, curled in the armchair, hated unsolved matters and worse than that, you hated when said unsolved matters had to do with Richie because you knew how he internalized everything he felt if it was slightly messed up. So you went straight to the point to avoid any evasions from him. “Did you get jealous of me and Eddie?” You asked right away, eyeing at him from your safe place. He looked at you, dead in the eye, no single sign of emotion perpassing his face. “Not at all, sweet thing,” he said, shrugging. “Why would I be?” You didn’t explain it, because you knew he knew where you were trying to get at, so your raised eyebrow was enough. But Richie raised his back and you had to get up because the lack of words from him, the one who’d never shut up, was bothering you beyond belief. You walked over the couch, passing a leg over his, straddling the Tozier boy for his slight astonishment, his reddish lips curving in a half-smile. Richie also had freckles, darker and more numerous ones than Eddie’s, all over his nose and cheeks, some across the rest of his face and none on the rest of his body. When he sat up with you still in his lap, you could smell that cologne you didn’t know exactly which was, but that you loved. Loved how its scent would stay ghostly on your clothes after you made out in his truck like a mark of his, just like the hickeys he’d give you sometimes, on hidden places so only you could see them. “Don’t fucking play dumb with me,” you whispered now, “I’m sorry, okay?” Richie snorted. “I’m not lying to you, y/n/n. I’m definitely not mad at you nor at Eddie. You’re making up things in your pretty head, doll” His hands drifted up your thighs. “I miss you, that's true. But it doesn’t make me jealous of that hell of a scene I saw earlier.” You noticed how he swallowed dry. “So you trying to convince me you’re not utterly disgusted and hurt?” Richie snorted once more at your tease and the light air of his relieving a lot of pressure from your chest. “Far from that, y/n/n...” The way his voice slowed down and his eyes drifted away from yours to his restless fingers on your skin...You finally understood where the problem laid on. And you wouldn’t even need the light pink shade of his cheeks to assure that. “Oh God, you liked it…” You whispered in disbelief and Richie laughed, hands on your hips now, pulling you closer. “What if I did, doll?” He didn’t let you answer, lips on yours before you recovered from your shock. He kissed slowly and passionately, it was always like that, kisses that after a few seconds already got you wanting to rip his clothes off. He was warm against you, bare chest pressed against still clothed yours. As earlier with the Kaspbrak boy, you had the urge of pulling away from him for your own sake, but you couldn’t this time. Richie peppered kisses all the way from your mouth to your jawline, kissing the spot that got your underwear ruined every time, earning himself a low whimper from your lips. You felt dizzy. “Eds is my best friend, toots,” he whispered against your skin, “there’s no one I’d be more glad to let spend time with you, touch you...” His hands ran up your sides underneath your shirt and your nails dig into his shoulders. “Kiss you.” He sucked a hickey on the crook of your neck that finally had you moaning out loud. “Richie-” His name. You could feel him smiling at that. “Or have you.” “For fuck’s sake, Richie…” You knew how to read in between his lines and in his darkened eyes when he pulled away to look into yours, glasses off. You knew he couldn’t see you quite well, but you could see him. If Richie was implying what you thought he was… “I told you I’d never lie to you, and I’m sticking to it.” Richie didn’t smile this time. “And believe me when I say I wish Eddie had taken you right on that counter.” You were the one dry swallowing now, thoughts running a mile a second. “For you to watch?” You scoffed, trying to hide how flustered you were. Richie remained serious when he laid down again. His moves underneath you let you feel him hardened under you. “No. I’d for sure join.” You read him again, tried to find whatever proved you he was just teasing. But he wasn’t. And that left you speechless, made him smile, tapping your hips gently. “But go to bed, toots. We can talk about it any other day. When you're ready and the cat doesn’t get your tongue.”

#it #it imagine #it fanfic #it fanfiction #it smut #richie tozier #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier fanfic #richie tozier fanfiction #richie tozier smut #it fic #richie tozier fic #eddie kaspbrak #eddie kaspbrak imagine #eddie kaspbrak fanfic #eddie kaspbrak fanfiction #eddie kaspbrak fic #eddie kaspbrak smut #richie tozier x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #beauregardwrites

[cowboyshit]

Pisces, Planets, Pluto 🥰

pisces- Describe someone you love without saying their name.

yo I’ve been staring at this question for like five minutes while I scarfed my burrito down because like there’s so many people I could describe? how serious should I get? how flowery should I be? cause my creativity is on the Fritz right now so I know I could be poetic and sappy as a motherfucker right now. okay my first idea was to describe three people I love so I’m just gonna stick with that even though that’s cheating cause it’s supposed to be someONE. i’m sorry I’m such a lovey bitch damn.

anyways first one up. our first interaction was the sort of conversations I’ve only felt with a few people in my life, one that felt like we knew and understood each other on levels that went beyond something you could explain with words. it was life experience meets life experience. they’re honestly one of the most amazingly talented people I’ve ever met, and their work inspires me, as does my conversations with them. and of course they’re beautiful, inside and out. they have eyes I once told them remind me of beautiful, colorful little rocks you find in the mountain streams, that have veins of green or blue running through them. they have a heart of gold, and give so much kindness back that it always inspires me to keep doing the exact same. 

another person I love is... very cruel and hard looking. he walks with a stature that clearly says “don’t fuck with me” and has on multiple occasions scared people enough that they’ve told me I’m insane for liking him. but that’s not how he is with me. with me he blushes when I tell him he’s handsome, and he smiles big enough I can see his laugh lines. he acts goofy around me to get me to laugh. he knows how to talk to me, he knows how to be patient to get me to open up about harder things I don’t like to talk about, and just what to say to comfort me, and even how to tease me to help lift my mood up again. he has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen, and a thick, strong body that makes me woozy every time I think about him. 

the third person, I’ll pick someone I don’t personally know, but feel I understand the character he’s presenting to the world. he’s got a head filled with doubts and more talent than he may ever come to accept. he has a silly sense of humor, but often uses that as a defense mechanism and lays it on too thick, purposefully. he yearns to be loved and accepted so badly, but hasn’t learned how to love and accept himself, yet, leaving him feeling the stranger at the edge of a circle of friends, and can’t understand how they might see him as another part of that same circle. he’s handsome, with blond curls and blue eyes and a smile that makes me weak in the knees. 😉

planets; if you could go anywhere, where would you go?

do I have all the money in the world or am I limited by what I have now? if it was limitless, definitely somewhere in europe. A few months in each country and major city I’d wanted to live in, so I could experience everything I’ve wanted to see in the world. if I’m limited to what I have now, probably up to oregon to spend some time with my dad since I haven’t seen him in a year and a half now and our communication sucks online and through text... which is really fucking funny since we’re both ya know, computer nerds. for some reason we just communicate better in-person.

pluto; if you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

oh geez I don’t even know tbh. I mean I guess hangman? even though I’d probably not get anything across that I’d want to because I’d be so anxiety-ridden. I’d probably come across like a total lunatic LOL but I would like to meet him just to tell him I think he’s cool and see how cute that smile looks in person.

space asks!

#unabashedwrestlefics #buddy shenanigans #long post #lmao dont ask me to describe the people i love when i'm high and emotional ok #weed tw #ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THE ASK I LOVE YOU

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

For that ask meme (If you don't want to answer them all feel free to pick and choose): 3, 6, 7, 8, 12, 14, 21, 22, 24, 26, 30, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 42, 43, 45, 47, 50, 51, 54.

3. Favourite thing to write? Well, I’m not sure. Mostly I just like found family type stories, or elaborate nonsense. (As you may have noticed, all my stories are nonsensical bs lmaooo).

6. Where do you usually find inspiration? My bed, or the shower, inconvenient times. Sometimes it will be music, or a weird what-if. But you can blame the lovely @grezzirossi for a lot of my fics, as they tend to come out of weird conversations and headcanon building we do in chat. 7.  Do you listen to music to help you write? Sometimes. I mean, sometimes you need a certain kind of music to help you think. Sometimes you need the background noise of youtube etc.

8.  What’s the biggest “challenge” for you as a writer? ...writing.

12.  What’s your favorite thing that you ever wrote? I’m not sure, I really like a few of mine. Mostly because there was one killer pun or joke in there the whole fic was based around. Maybe ‘Spy Is My...’ it’s not even good, but I remember how i felt when the headcanon came to life. 

14.  What’s your favorite character/person to write for? I love Scout from Team Fortress 2, but all the mercs really. They’re all unique and ridiculous and an excellent mass murdering found family.

Lot of others tho. I have a few half-written fics i will one day finish, and your minds... they will be, disappointed. 

Would like to do some Witcher or Overwatch fics eventually. Getting to it, promise.

21.  What’s your favorite AU trope?

+Nobody Died/Everybody Lived +Superpowers +Some sort of soulmate au? Or even Hanahaki? +Found Family/Fight to Protect FAmilies +When someone assumes no one is coming... and then everyone comes to save them. 10/10 yes. Thanks. Probably others, can’t recall anything else off the top of my head...?

22.  A fanfiction cliché you can’t help but love? Oh no... I cannot love them both! Surprise motherfucker! You can!

24.  Have you ever had an idea for story and forgot about it? ...yes. The ghosts of half-recalled fanfics past haunt me in the eerie hours of dawn...

26.  How did you find out you like to write?

Not sure if it counts but like, in grade 2 I wrote a harry potter fanfic with no idea of what fanfic was. Just a creative writing/short story thing, which apparently meant ‘me and best friend at time meet harry potter and fight vampires, and save people from vampires then go to hogwarts’.  Also wrote a version of ‘the chicken who made bread’ that was like, ‘the pale blue unicorn made barley sugars’ in the same grade.

But proper fanfic? I can’t recall the exact moment... but it also involved harry potter and fanfiction.net. And I would rather die than relieve that terrible mess. Gods I thought I was SO GOOD and now it’s so YIKES. Lmao.

30.  What would you say it’s the most “famous” fic you’ve ever written? Not sure... I don’t think any are really that well known?

34.  What’s your favorite font to use when writing? The default. It legit never occurred to me to change it.

35.  Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? I tend to aim for shorter and always get longer. I aim for longer, and never finish them because I am a disaster of a human being.

36.  How do you keep yourself inspired?

a) write it in one sitting; b) re-read it a million times and occasionally type an extra word; c) have a lovely friend telling you that You Can Do It! or d) despair at being a lazy bitch with no time... ugh

37.  Have you ever written something you didn’t like but posted anyways? Yeah, most of it lmaoooo. I never feel its good enough to post?  It’s silly, but like, that’s the Mood I have.

38.  What is your “strong suit” as a writer? Being able to just like, bullshit my way through anything I guess.

39.  What’s your favorite trope? Found family / Supernatural as Normal Everyday Shit (Like oh god dammnit i phased into the 6th dimension again and i’m gonna be late for work’) / HORROR

42. What is your weakness as a writer?

Not good at describing certain things, like kissing or postures or whatever. Feels like I’m often repetitive. I dunno, it just feels repetitive, I guess? Often., even.  Also lack of time and motivation to write, after work, where constant typing is a Thing.

43.  Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you wrote? Yes. Also occasionally blindside myself with dumb jokes i’ve hidden in the fics. AS if my brain erased their existence after I typed them out, so it’s Always Fucking Funny when I read them.

45.  One thing you love about fanfiction.

That it can hold shitty canon at knifepoint and demand a better ending. That there is no real limit to the whole thing... you want to rewrite Lord of hte Rings in space? Fucking GO FOR IT. 

47.  What’s your favorite thing about writing? It feels like painting with words? Just getting lost in the story in your head, realising character A was holding a sandwich three paragraphs ago and now its a gun so you have to swear and find a part to slide in where they switched it, etc. lmao.

50.  One thing you don’t like about fanfiction.

People who are like Super Into inc*st, p*doph*lia and r*pe fics, but get defensive when people are like The fUck? Or people who ship REal Life Actual People, and get weird, or even frightening about the whole “Well these two actual human beings MUST be together so I will send death threats to their real life partners” thing. 

Also what the FUCK was with the wattpad fic phase where everyone’s mothers were selling them to 1Direction. Lmaoooo.

51.  Least favorite trope? Violently out of character fics. Where it’s straight up, ‘author has removed their personalities and added in generic uke/seme personalities from like 2009 or some shit’. And everyone’s acting super weird. (M/m and f/f/ and m/f fics alike). 

Very frustrating. Just... learn about the character, use it, it makes things way more fun to write and read. 

Also A/B/O. It’s weird, lads. I love Teen Wolf but some of you got WEIRD Weird. 

54.  Do you usually like what you write?

I get stressed that it’s never good enough. Sometimes, yeah; mostly nah.

#Anonymous

[collectedbooks]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

name:  olivia. nickname:  olive is my nickname and generally what i go by anyway. faceclaim:  uhhh i use critical role caps for reactions and i’ve used brittany robertson in the past bc she has my vibe. pronouns:  they / she. height:  5′4″ birthday:  may 1st. aesthetic:  practical, moody, and a little wannabe punk, usually with a pithy t-shirt. last song you listened to:  salt - bad suns. favorite muse(s) you’ve written:  my three all-time favorites have been gabriel from supernatural, john constantine from hellblazer, and fake ah crew ryan haywood from gta / achievement hunter vids.

GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT.

what inspired you to take on this muse:  i actually made this blog like six years ago!! aziraphale has always been a favorite of mine, writing him is where i could just ramble about books and be nice to people. so when the tv series came out and was SO AMAZING like, ofc i’m gonna come back to my sweet boy! on top of that, i’ve just been in a really positive space in my life and his hopeful mindset and determination to be his own person have really resonated with me.

what is your favourite aspects of your current muse(s):  aziraphale is so overwhelmingly kind. in general, my muses tend to be the bastardly ones with hearts of gold, often regarded in fandoms as secret sweethearts, but aziraphale is really more kind than dickish, or he’s dickish in a way that still lends itself to helping others; betraying heaven for the sake of humanity, for example. i like a lot about him: i adore his passion for books, i love the way he cares so much about the world, i love that the ballsy motherfucker straight up lied to god’s face, and i love that he threw his safe, comfortable life away to save humanity. but more than fucking anything, the fact that he just wants to Do Good and Help People hits me right in the gut.

what’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing:  talking to people and rereading the book! the book will always put me in the right mindset for some dry, hopefully actually funny humor, and just bouncing ideas off of other people leads to some of the most absolutely fucking fantastic ideas and headcanons that i never would have thought up on my own! everyone on here is wonderful and talented and creative and i would not have nearly as much muse without them!

favourite types of threads:  anything that we’re having fun writing! i’m an angst goblin and a fluff fiend, personally, but anything where we’re passionate and excited about the writing is automatically going to be a favorite.

biggest struggle in regards to your current muse:  for me, there’s this pressure to writing aziraphale to like, match the tone that good omens sets. that dry kind of humor that blends wit and pure silliness. sometimes i get really caught up in that and psych myself out about how i’m just not funny enough to write him the way terry pratchett and neilman intended. i also just put a lot of pressure on myself in general! but i have a LOT of fun when i get that thread of humor sounding right in my head. i also just don’t have fuckin TIME to write anything, but that’s just my biggest struggle in general, not specifically with aziraphale!

tagged by:  @fakehappied​! tagging:  anyone who wants to!

#( mun stuff. ) ABBA ENTHUSIAST AND LESBIAN.

[theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly]

Escapade- Chapter Eight of Eight

A/N: Well, guys! Here’s the final chapter of Escapade (or should I say Escapeight???)

If you’re still reading despite that disgusting pun, I’d like to thank you personally for a) dealing with the pun and b) sticking around long enough to read this entire fic. This was my first ever piece of fanfiction, or any completed work of fiction that I have ever written. And I have to say, it’s been oddly therapeutic. Your kind words and enthusiasm have helped me to no end; you guys really helped to lift me out of dire mental health straits. 

Sincere thanks goes out to @celiawhatsherlastname​, who was not only the one who gave me the prompt that morphed into the fic, but who also provided me endless support as she patiently listened to me trying to get my thoughts and ideas together. Love ya, Celery

You can read…

The fic in its entirety on my AO3 (the link will take you to the beginning of the story)

Chapter One on my Tumblr (this will take you to Chapter One only)

Chapter Two on my Tumblr (this will take you to Chapter Two only)

Chapter Three on my Tumblr (I think you get the drill at this point)

Chapter Four on my Tumblr

Chapter Five on my Tumblr

Chapter Six on my Tumblr

Chapter Seven on my Tumblr 

Please let me know through a message or a comment if you want to be added to the taglist for any Sanders Sides fics I may write in the future (this goes for all of you who are currently on the Escapade taglist as well)

Tagging people at the end.

All three of the other sides rose early the next day, though the circumstances by which they arose were quite unusual for a household that was normally so quiet at eight in the morning.

Logan was the first to actually open his eyes. It was a rather reluctant action because he was incredibly comfortable and couldn't remember a time when he felt so warm. His vision was blurry without his glasses, and he moved so as to reach them on the nightstand, but the heavy weight of Patton on his chest made him pause. Stretching his arm as far as he could without disturbing the sleeping Patton, he snagged his glasses with his fingertips, and put them on.

He blinked, and looked down at his sleeping boyfriend beside him. His heart ached in what he now recognized to be unadulterated love, but also pity. After his small emotional outburst after burning the cookies, Patton had been unable to stop crying. He had to be led to bed, almost entirely inconsolable as he confessed to Logan all of his worries about Roman and Virgil, and how Thomas would be affected if the creative side were to die. Logan was relieved that Patton was learning to open up to him about his feelings, but he was still deeply concerned that Patton felt in that way.

But he had managed to get Patton to sleep after the moral side had cried himself out and finally experienced his first post-caffeine crash. And now, the moral side was curled up against him, his fingers curling and uncurling every once in awhile on Logan’s chest like a cat. That aching feeling called love welled up in Logan’s chest, and he found a wide grin forming on his features. The feeling throbbed and pulsated any time Patton’s lips moved to form sleepy words in his dreams, or any time he let out small puffs of breath that warmed Logan’s bare chest.

Logan sighed, closing his eyes as he buried his nose into Patton’s hair. He was just drifting off, Patton’s warm, sweet scent lulling him back to sleep when he heard what sounded like a body falling out of bed next door.

He blinked awake, his brow furrowing. The only being next door was Virgil. Perhaps he was having a nightmare, and had-

BAM!

Logan let out a shout of shock when the door to his bedroom was flung violently open, the door knob no doubt leaving a dent in the plaster. Patton jerked beside him, letting out a high gasp of shock, arm scrambling for his glasses.

“Guys, wake the fuck up!” Virgil shouted from the doorway, looking obnoxiously excited for eight in the morning.

“Nikola Tesla!” Logan groaned, handing a groggy Patton his glasses and staring torpidly in Virgil’s direction,

“What on earth is the matter, kiddo?” Patton asked, focusing blearily on the excited figure in the doorway with concern.

“Can’t you dopes feel it too? Roman’s alive!” Virgil said, standing in the middle of the room and uncharacteristically bouncing with vivacity.

Logan and Patton listened hard. A feeling of deep exhilaration spread from their chests to the rest of their bodies. They could almost feel the adrenaline that was pumping through Roman’s body pumping through their own. Perhaps that was why Virgil was so excited; as the most connected to Roman, he felt the creative side’s emotions with trebled intensity. Regardless, all three sides heard a powerful heartbeat, and felt pure joy at being alive.

“Oh, well thank goodness!” Patton sighed, his silly grin plastered on his face as he slumped against Logan in sheer relief.

Logan’s eyebrows shot up in astonishment. “I must say, I am pleasantly surprised.”

There was a few moments of sweet silence as all three sides listened intently to Roman’s overwhelmingly happy aura, and sent forth their happiest, if not sleepiest thoughts, in his direction.

“See, Verge?” Patton spoke up finally, his chin resting on Logan’s shoulder, “I told you Roman was going to be alright.”

Virgil shrugged, a sheepish smirk on his face as he rubbed his neck. “...I know...I know, you were right again...I just worry. I bet you’re totally surprised to hear that.”

Logan yawned. “Virgil, while I am very pleased to hear that Roman is alive and that you have had your mental burden lifted from you, I think I speak for Patton as well when I say we’ve all had a long night and would love to go back to sleep.”

Virgil blinked, and glanced at the clock on Logan and Patton’s nightstand. He was absolutely disgusted to see that it read eight in the morning.

“Alright, yeah, sorry...That motherfucker woke me up at eight in the morning?!” he grumbled to himself as he threw his casual salute to the other sides, quietly shutting the door behind him as he left.

Logan sighed, closed his eyes, and immediately flopped back down. He put his hands behind his head and groaned. Normally, he was an early riser, but he now felt no motivation to do anything but sleep for at least another three hours. He felt Patton shifting next to him, and he squinted up to find the moral side’s face inches from his own.

“What?” Logan whined, feeling very puerile for a moment as he bit his bottom lip in a pout.

“You were wrong, Logan,” Patton crooned teasingly, using his thumb to pull Logan’s lip from his teeth, “You though that Roman was gonna die.”

“Hey,” Logan said, nibbling gently on Patton’s thumb and looking reproachfully into his eyes, “I can’t be right about everything, otherwise I’d really be a robot.”

Patton smiled, and leaned down to steal a kiss, moving his hand to cup Logan’s jaw. Logan closed his eyes, letting that aching love heat up his cheeks in a blush.

“Oh my goodness,” Patton said as he eventually pulled away, his eyes gleaming, “You still blush everytime we kiss.”

Logan couldn’t help but smile. “It appears that I am unable to control it.”

Patton settled back down, taking off his glasses and handing them to Logan, who took off his own once again and placed them together on the night stand. He shifted until he was comfortable, Patton curling once again into his side.

“...I’m glad everything is working out so good,” Patton sighed into Logan’s neck.

“Well,” Logan corrected, his eyes already closing.

“Yeah. Working out so well.”

Logan buried his nose once more into Patton’s hair, the warm, familiar scent lulling him back to sleep.

“Me too,” he whispered, but Patton was already asleep.

As Roman traveled farther east, the terrain changed drastically. The lifeless, rocky soil that marked the boundaries of what was the Dragon Witch’s territory melted seamlessly into a scrubby chaparral, a dry land that was dotted with small shrubs and thorny bushes. After that, the land became more and more familiar; as the sun passed its zenith and began to sink, Roman began to recognize his homeland more and more; it was a vast grassland with occasional groves of ash trees, the gentle eastern breeze making the grasses sway and dance. The scent of burning and decay seemed to wash away the closer and closer to home they got.

When the endless grasslands gave way to reveal a forest growing in the distance as the sun was beginning to set, Roman nearly cried. That was the forest that surrounded his entryway to the Mind Palace, the forest that hid his castle. Eagerly, he slapped Maximus’s reigns, but the horse needed no urging; already he put on an extra burst of speed despite his exhaustion, for he too knew that they were close to home.

The closer to home he got, Roman could more clearly feel the other sides. As the forest loomed closer and closer, Virgil’s overwhelmingly swift heartbeat seemed to pound in time to his own heart. He could feel the excitement building in Virgil’s gut building in his own, and he could hardly wait to see the anxious side once again. He couldn't wait to burst through the door and race into the Mind Palace commons, showing them all the tooth of the Dragon Witch. But most of all, he couldn’t wait to just hold Virgil.

It turns out, Roman didn’t have to wait that long to do all of that.

Roman was daydreaming about his triumphant return when Maximus suddenly let out a rollicking whinny. Roman, jarred from his daydreams, looked around wildly, expecting there to be danger. But Maximus wasn't stopping, and his ears weren’t pinned, so what could it be?

The horse flickered his ears forward, and Roman followed his guide. He gasped.

There, on top of the hill standing just before his forest, were three figures waving their arms with varying degrees of vivacity. One was dressed in black with a distinct blue tie, one was wearing a bright blue shirt and jumping like a maniac, while the third was bouncing and wriggling, clad in a patchwork hoodie. All three of them had bright purple hair. If Roman listened carefully over the pounding of Maximus’s hooves, he could hear them shouting his name.

“Yah, Maximus!” Roman cried, “Almost there!”

The horse pounded up the hill, and the three figures began to run down to meet them. The one in the tie picked his way down carefully, but the others were tumbling all over themselves to meet him. The figure in the purple hoodie tripped and momentarily disappeared into the grass, but rose quickly and doggedly tried to catch up.

Roman pulled on the reins sharply, and Maximus reared up on his hind legs, whinnying. Gracefully, Roman slid off the horse and stumbled only slightly when he hit the ground running. Maximus bolted by Logan, Patton, and Virgil, running far too fast to stop in time. There was a great collision of arms, bodies, and purple hair. All of them began talking at once.

“Roman! Oh my goodness, you’re home!” Patton shouted, wrapping his arms around him and screaming into his shirt.

“Your presence was dearly missed!” Logan cried, slapping Roman on the shoulders.

Roman pulled away, grinning hugely. He was stumbling at the impact of Patton and Logan running into him. But his face quickly fell. He looked frantically around; where was Virgil?

Patton and Logan looked over their shoulders as they heard a rustling in the grass, and dove to the side just as a sprinting Virgil was about to knock them off their feet. Roman let out a shout of joy upon seeing him, but that quickly devolved into one of fear as Virgil slammed into his arms, and he felt himself falling backwards.  

Logan and Patton watched with both concern and deep amusement as the pair tumbled down the hill, a tangle of limbs and shouts until they landed at the bottom, sending up a cloud of dust.

Roman lay flat on his back, gasping for breath as he lay winded. Before he could even open his eyes, he felt a heavy weight descend on his stomach, and someone was shaking his shoulders, babbling almost entirely incoherently and without stopping for breath.

“Roman Sanders you absolute fucking knucklehead, I oughta smack the shit outta you, you dramatic ass punk, holy fuck I missed you, I-I-I” Virgil chattered with delight, only stopping when he had to pause to suck in a huge lungful of air. He ended up just staring down at the man lying spreadeagled on the ground beneath him, a silly grin on his face.

Roman, covered in ash, dust, sweat and other debris, looked like he was about to cry. He sat up, his eyes roaming feverishly up and down Virgil, who was straddling him, almost like he couldn't believe he was there. He reached out, gathering fistfuls of Virgil’s hoodie-his real hoodie- and squeezed. He hadn't realized how much seeing a fake Virgil tied up and eventually eaten by the Dragon Witch had affected him until he felt the living warmth of Virgil beneath his fingers, and breathed in his minty, cinnamon scent.

Suddenly, it was all too much. All of his physical exhaustion, along with the shaky relief and tension he had been bottling up all released at once as the dam in his eyes broke. He pulled Virgil into a fierce hug, squeezing him close so as to reassure himself that he was actually there and not in the jaws of the Dragon Witch.

“Oh, Virgil,” Roman croaked, his voice shaking as he curled his fingers into Virgil’s hair,  “you have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

When Logan and Patton carefully tramped to the bottom of the hill, they did not expect to see a slightly panicking Virgil cradling an absolutely sobbing Roman in his arms, the Prince burying his ashy head into Virgil’s shoulder and shaking violently.

“Oh my goodness, what’s wrong?!” Patton yelped, falling to his knees besides the slumped form of Roman and wringing his hands fretfully, looking helplessly to Logan, who quickly knelt down to better examine the situation.

But before any of them could say another word, Roman lifted his head, and all three of the terrified sides were immensely relieved to see that his filthy face was split by a huge smile.

“I’m sorry, friends,” he said, wiping his tears away “This venture has been very taxing, both upon my body and my mind. I’m just a bit wound up; and I’m just so happy to see you all, j-just...I’m just-just-”

His stammering broke off into a strangled sob, and he quickly buried his head back into Virgil’s shoulder, crying his eyes out but still having the grace to shoot a hasty thumbs up before squeezing Virgil with all his might. Though they were both deeply, deeply concerned (Logan was recalculating furiously- how could he be sobbing but still shoot a thumbs up sign, a gesture that usually boded well? It didn’t make any sense), they all began to understand that Roman had undoubtedly gone through a lot, and was experiencing a sensory overload.

The others all breathed huge signs of only slightly concern-tinged relief.

Later that night, after he had finished crying, taken care of Maximus, showered, changed into comfortable pajamas, and been fed a huge meal, Roman collapsed upon the sofa, the other sides gathering around him to hear his tale. He smiled as looked into each face; Patton sitting pretzel style and facing him eagerly, Virgil sitting on the armrest, his hand absently brushing through Roman’s  hair, his legs stretched out in Roman’s lap, and Logan sitting on the ottoman, his hands folded in his lap.

“Tell us what happened!” Patton urged, kneading Roman’s leg in an impatient gesture.

“Hey! Don’t rush him!” Virgil hissed, the hand in Roman’s hair involuntarily tightening. Roman chuckled and took Virgil’s free hand, squeezing it while he gently kissed Virgil’s knee, the closest part of him he could reach without moving much.

“It’s alright, love,” he said to Virgil, and, looking around, began his tale. He detailed how far he had to travel, admitted how lonely he felt on the first night, and how the river was so swollen that he had a rough time crossing it. He explained how awful the Dragon Witch’s territory was, and how he couldn’t breathe without tying on a cloth mask. As he told his story, all of the sides listened in enraptured silence. Patton squeezed his arm, gasping and grinning at all the right places. Virgil was so enthralled that he didn’t realize that he was sliding off the armrest, but when he did notice he settled on eventually curling up in Roman’s lap, his head on Roman’s chest and his eyes shining. Logan listened with his face propped up in his hand, his eyes sparkling, doing his best to not interrupt out of respect for the creative side.

The telling became more difficult when Roman reached the part about fake Virgil.

“I thought for certain that this was going to be my final battle with the Dragon Witch,” Roman said, his voice growing heavy, “There was just a feeling in my gut that this was to be the final showdown. There was no way she was going to terrorize my dear friends anymore, and there was no way she was going to prevent any more Disney sleep overs between you and I, my dear Virgil.

“But...she just...she found a way to get to me.” he said, his gaze dropping, “...she had cupped her claws together, and there was a flash of light. When she moved her claws apart…”

Roman swallowed thickly,beginning to fidget with difficulty under Virgil.

“Go on, Ro,” Virgil said quietly against his chest, leaning up to pepper his jaw with reassuring kisses.

Roman blinked, and gazed at Virgil. He continued to speak to the room, but he found himself wanting to explain himself only to Virgil.

“...She had you, gagged and bonded to a chair, Virgil.”

There was a tense silence.

Logan blinked, his brow furrowing. “But that’s impossible. Virgil hasn’t left the commons for the entirety of your absence, Roman.”

“Well, I certainly didn’t know that!” Roman responded, “I thought that she had somehow managed to kidnap him. Obviously, the Virgil she had tied to a chair was a fake, but fuck…”

Roman looked down at Virgil, his eyes reddening again. “You seemed so real.”

There was a heavy silence as the sides digested what Roman said. Roman rested his chin on Virgil’s head. With a shuddering breath, the Prince continued.

“I obviously was willing to do anything to get you free, love. The Dragon Witch gave me two options. One: I could either sacrifice myself, dying with knowledge that the Dragon Witch would promise keep you alive despite her plans to utterly destroy Thomas’s mind. You would…”

Roman swallowed again, and cleared his throat several times. He shook his head to clear the image of the Dragon Witch wrapping her tongue around fake Virgil’s shoulders, a perverse gleam in her eye “...She said you would make a fine slave. You’d be...a slave, but you’d be alive.”

Virgil’s fists balled in his lap, and he bit his lip. He shuddered, trying not to imagine what being the slave of the Dragon Witch could be like. Chewing on the string of his hoodie, he nestled his head closer to Roman’s chest and fiddled nervously with the golden embellishments on the creative side’s uniform.

“And Two: I could fight her, and I would inevitably lose and she would kill us both, and also ravage Thomas’s mind.”

“What! I don’t believe that for one second,” Patton said indignantly, “You certainly could have defeated her, Roman!”

Roman chuckled dryly. “Not in mono-a-mono combat. You guys only got to see her once, and not as closely as I did. She is massive; her very breath could knock me over. How the heckity heck would I be able to kill her if she could just exhale and knock me flat on my ass? No, I had to think of a better way to kill her, a way where she’d be too distracted.”

Patton grumbled something about believing in yourself, but quieted down when Roman continued.  

“Of course I couldn’t let option two happen.” Roman said quietly, “I had to go with option one.”

“But evidently you didn’t. Your presence here is testament to that fact,” Logan said, his features tense in concentration.

Roman grinned and turned to face Logan. “You’re right. I didn't take either of the options because I created a third option that the Dragon Witch couldn’t refuse.”

He paused to take a breath, savoring in the tension build-up.

“Care to elaborate?!” Virgil snapped as he pawed Roman’s ribs, growing very invested in the story.

Roman leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to Virgil’s forehead. “Please don’t be mad, love...but I made a deal with the Dragon Witch. I begged for my life, acted like a total coward, a traitor to my title,. I told her she could...told her she could do whatever she wanted to you, Patton and Logan, my kingdom, and Thomas, only if she spared my life.”

Virgil blinked, and let the words sink in. His face twisted with rage, and he was about to surge out of Roman’s lap and prepare to slap him when Roman held up his hands defensively and quickly interrupted the swear that was forming on Virgil’s lips.

“But I knew at that point that it wasn’t really you who was in the chair, love. Because of that, I wanted to fool her into thinking she had won over me. She would gain self confidence, and that would make her vulnerable enough for me to kill her. It was easy enough; she has...had quite the ego.”

“But how’d you know that that Virgil was phony?” Patton asked.

“Yes, how did you?” Virgil snarled, still looking venomous.

Roman grinned, leaning slightly away from Virgil all the same. “Because the Dragon Witch modeled you to look like your old self, love. Virgil 1.0.”

Logan looked at Patton, and quietly whispered “Does Virgil update in the same fashion as a computer?”

Patton shook his head, and Roman sighed. “No, Logan. I mean that the fake Virgil still had brown hair and the huge black hoodie and jeans. He also had that old eye pencil as opposed to eye shadow.”

“Ah, yes. That makes sense.” Logan said, rubbing his chin and nodding minutely.

Virgil buried his head in his arms. “Oh god, that’s so cringey.”

“It’s not cringey, it’s you, love!” Roman cried, kissing Virgil’s hair.

“But what if Virgil had just changed into his old outfit?” Logan asked, frowning in frustration.

“And dyed his hair back that quickly?” Roman asked, arching an eyebrow, “No, Logan. I was absolutely certain that the person the Dragon Witch had wasn’t Virgil. Plus, the fake Virgil just...he didn’t act like the real deal. You know? It is difficult to explain.”

He gazed fondly down at Virgil, who was still hiding his face in embarrassment. “I just knew it wasn’t Virgil. It was just something in my gut that knew.”

Roman smiled at the distinct blush that still tinted Virgil’s cheeks. The anxious side had uncovered his face, and had resorted to chewing his hoodie string while scowling.  Roman wrapped his arms protectively around him, and cuddled him closer to his chest.

“Besides, I know my boyfriend when I touch him.” he murmured, and Virgil’s blush flared once again. The anxious side giggled, a gentle smile on his face, limply smacking Roman but snuggling his head more comfortably into his chest nonetheless.

“So then what happened?!” Patton urged, sounding just like a child being told a bedtime story, but the story was being told at an insufficient pace.

“The Dragon Witch assumed that she was getting a great deal. She...She gobbled Virgil up, chair and all. But while she was chewing, I took my sword and drove it directly between her terrible eyes!” Roman declared, raising a fist in a triumphant gesture, “The Dragon Witch is no more. She is gone.”

“...I guess you could say that she is...Dra-gone,” Patton snickered. Roman and Virgil both groaned in unison while Logan tittered his mechanical laugh indicative of an urge to leave this godforsaken timeline for one with less dad jokes.

Roman sighed. “...I should clarify...I would never give any of you up for dead so that I myself may live. I would never willingly sell you out, Virgil, and I would never do anything that would indirectly cause your deaths, Patton and Logan.”

He blinked, tears forming once more in his eyes as he furtively glanced from one to side to the next. “I’d rather kill myself than do that.”

Logan blinked several times, an indicator of shock. “You did not need to clarify that, Roman. We all know this very well.”

“Yeah, of course! We already know all that! You’re the bravest, noblest, bestest of us all!” Patton cheered, squeezing Roman’s arm in a hug and giggling.

Virgil was very quiet, ignoring Logan’s gentle lecture to Patton on why ‘bestest’ was the incorrect term. He sensed that there was something else motivating his boyfriend to say this. As he tried to catch Roman’s eye, he noticed instantly that the Prince had his self deprecating expression, an expression one had to train very hard to be able to detect. Roman would say something, and glance to each side, as if yearning for...validation.

“Ro…” Virgil said, cupping Roman’s cheek and gently tugging so that the creative side was forced to look at him, “...You don’t need to keep validating yourself to us. You don’t need our approval for every little thing. We all love you and trust that you know how to make the right decision.”

Roman blinked, a startled look forming on his features. He held Virgil’s gaze, searching for some kind of lie, but he couldn’t find any simply because there was no lie.

And also because Virgil flicked his gaze away, his cheeks flushing as the discomfort of looking someone in the eyes for too long washed over him.

Roman laughed in relief, and leaned down, capturing Virgil’s mouth in a kiss.

They only separated when they heard Patton grumble “...So, you’re telling me the bestest way of saying ‘bestest’...is just ‘best’?!”

Roman laughed. Everything was forgiven, and everything was going to be alright again.

“Well, Verge, I think we both can agree that you were right in saying that my venturing into the land of the Dragon Witch was indeed a bad idea.”

It was night, long after Roman had recounted his adventures of the past three days. Logan and Patton had retired to their room, the room that was previously purely Logan’s, after giving Roman strict instructions to sleep late the following morning. Afterwards, Roman and Virgil had returned to the sleeping quarters of Roman’s room, feeling safe to do whatever they pleased now that the evil presence of the Dragon Witch was gone.

Virgil, lying on his side, looked from his phone screen to Roman, who was lying next to him once more, his arm curled protectively around the anxious side’s stomach. Virgil was certain that Roman had fallen asleep.

“...Yeah it was a bad idea, you dumbfuck. You shoulda listened to me,” Virgil whispered. He chuffed when Roman made a hurt nose and spooned Virgil closer to his chest.

“No, I don’t mean that...much. It turned out to be a good idea because the Dragon Witch is gone and I don’t have to worry about her sending some weird monster in here when we’re trying to have a moment.” Virgil murmured, shifting so that his back pressed against the comforting warmth of Roman’s torso.

“No, you’re right, love,” Roman murmured sleepily against his neck, “I should listen to you more.”

Virgil hummed in agreement, his eyes suddenly becoming very heavy as the living warmth of Roman engulfed him. He had worked himself up for the past few days, and all of the mental and physical tension was taking its toll. He was suddenly exhausted.

“...I’m sorry I worry you so much, Virgil,” Roman murmured in his ear.

Virgil blinked back into wakefulness long enough to turn his neck as far as it could go and squint at Roman. The room was too dark for Virgil to accurately make out his features, but he could almost guarantee that Roman was looking self deprecating and apologetic again.

“Don’t be,” Virgil murmured, cuddling even closer to his boyfriend so that their legs became entangled under the blankets, “Anything you do that worries me is always either for my own benefit or everyone else’s. And though it can be really fucking awful sometimes, worrying so much, I’m always grateful when you finish whatever it was you were doing. Like right now, because of you killing the Dragon Witch, I finally feel…”

Virgil was lost for a good word to describe the utter complacency he felt in that exact moment.

“...Peaceful?” Roman offered, his voice fading as he was falling asleep.

Virgil grinned, taking the hand that was holding his chest and gently kissing it.

“Yes,” he whispered, “Peaceful.”

The hand squeezed his, but after a few moments, gradually loosened its grip. Roman’s deep breaths were smooth and even. He must be asleep.

“Goodnight, dork,” Virgil said, turning off his phone and closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, love,” Roman responded promptly yet sleepily, taking Virgil by surprise.

There was a few moments of peaceful silence.

“I love you, Roman.”

“I love you too, Virgil.”

Summer crickets and katydids could be heard outdoors, and a calm Western breeze blew in from an open window. The two figures curled close together were lulled off to sleep by the gentle sounds of their beating hearts.

This time, they did not have to strain themselves to hear the other’s heartbeat. Here, their heartbeats were together. Here, their heartbeats were peaceful and safe.

Here, they were home.

~fin~

@celiawhatsherlastname @monikastec@jordandobbertin@greymane902 @lostgirlgwen @kittenvirgil@iamahumanwaitnothatsalie @logan-logic @jet-black-hearted-girl@gay-ace-trash@shadowjag@thestoryoferissur @lexboydfandompanda

(if any of you nerds want to be added to my general taglist, please message me or comment on this post, gods bless you all)

#escapade chapter eight #escapade #escapeight #prinxiety #logicality #sanders sides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #my fics

[rogue-rook]

many highlights from The Stolen Century from a first-time TAZ listener (here there be spoilers)

oh hot damn a flashbacks episode!!!!!

“everything begins, and i mean that quite literally, with the light of creation”

the IPRE has some real nostalgic space exploration nasa vibes to it

travis: “i would like to state that, canonically, magnus calls him “cap’nport” because magnus, like I, loves portmanteau”

suggested names for the ship boat thing: boaty mcboatface, spinnaker (which just means boat), stinky spinnaker, laser spinnaker, hyper spinnaker, flying boat, tail spinnaker, fighting spinnaker, lightbringer, sky spinnaker, sky boat, sky weaver, star dancer, starblaster! the winner! starblaster!

the way they arrived at “starblaster” was such peak mcelroy Creative Nonsense

the reporters at this IPRE press conference have had increasingly silly names

justin: “taako and lup go to a bar and do what they always do at a bar, which is hustle people at pool” i love them so much! i didn’t love taako all that much for the majority of this story but now i think he’s cool as shit

I’m so SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED for lup to be a part of this and be a real character and not just a fucking GHOST haunting taako’s umbrella

magnus wants to go train with the bear of power and that’s the most on-brand thing for him to possibly want to do

travis: “magnus doesn’t kill animals if he can help it” not animals, but of course he has no problem killing dwarves, elves, liches, wizards, ya know, all those PEOPLE he’s killed

justin: “taako and lup are gonzo, they're out of here" magnus: “i’m like checking on bear cubs and making sure everyone's okay" merle: “im like increasing everybody’s speed with spells’ very on brand of everybody here

travis: “okay griffin i have a very important question that i should have asked before-” griffin: “is about your fucking hard candy supply?”

the entire set up of this arc is so fun and good 

justin: “yeah i've got a fucking genius plan and I'm gonna fix everything! come close, griffin, because I'm about to blow your game wide open. I’m going to make a fake light of creation. I’m gonna spend this year like a survivor contestant on their last legs, crafting a false hidden immunity idol. I’m going to craft, to the best of my ability, a fake light of creation. a decoy, if you will!” THIS IS GENIUS

taako: “okay, that’s all well and good but lup and i are going scrapping. this is the most civilized- this is the most technologically advanced place that we’ve been to yet, and I wanna load the ship up with all the valuable mechanical components I can find, so I’m going fucking looting, I’m gonna destroy as many robots as it takes, I’m gonna take these motherfuckers apart piecemeal, so I can take whatever cool magic is powering them. I’m going to loot this motherfucker to brass tacks, I’m gonna just loot and pillage” merle: “burnt earth” taako: “yes exactly”

lup: “i believe one of these times we’re going to get this right. and we’re going to find a way to defeat the hunger and save everybody inside of it. I have to believe that to keep doing what we do, becasue I have to believe that I’m going to get those 15 dollars back from greg fucking grimmaldis” lup is as cool and funny and DOPE as I was hoping she would be

one of these eps, they just kicked it on a beach for 35 minutes and were shitheads about merle’s attempt at gifts. the literal goddamn definition of a bottle episode. im only like 75% sure davenport was even in this fucking episode

travis has named magnus’s fish, magnus’s father-in-law, a rando reporter at the IPRE press conference, and a kid at one of the stolen century planets “steven”. all of those people/fish are called steven, because apparently travis has a thing for that name

clint just called lucretia “lucinda”

well now i understand why merle’s died 50 million times

taako: “i got bad news for everybody. our arch-nemesis is MORRISSEY”

magnus gets excited to learn to carve wood bc its something he could do with knives and weapons and shit and im like oh THATS the most magnus thing he could possibly do!!!

hey cool so barry and lup’s adorable love OWNS MY ASS

that was the sweetest falling-in-love story ive ever heard and it was like 5 fucking minutes. @ fanfiction writers throw all your barry/lup friends-to-lovers fics directly at my head PLEASE

davenport: “lup can you blow it up?" lup: "can i...blow up a mountain?....well, YEAH! but lets save that for a last resort" the legato conservatory person: “i'm going to firmly request that you don’t blow up our sacred mountain”

taako: “hey I’m taako, from TV” griffin: “uh okay-” justin: “what?” griffin: “you haven’t been on tv yet” clint: “it’s aspirational” justin: “yeah, its aspirational. hey I’m taako from TV. you’re all pretty wanged. you’re pretty fucked. there’s good news and bad news, and the bad news I’ve already covered, with the fucked-ness that you are”

jesus, shit got DARK

oh my god the voidfish that magnus saved in the stolen century is the same one on the bureau of balance base. that’s some heart-tingly shit. that’s that GOOD STORY SHIT

griffin: “your adventures in the back half of these cycles are more fraught than the first half” OH IM SORRY? MORE FRAUGHT??? REALLY, GRIFFY?

griffin’s judge character dude: "magnus, you have fought with others your entire life, throughout your adolescence you celebrated strife. i didn't mean to make that rhyme"

one of the future crimes accused of the IPRE crew is “cruelty to a child who loves them” and im like oh. maybe i shouldnt have wanted somebody to call them out on being mean to sweet ango

oh man i wanna hug lucretia so bad and take care of her and make sure she’s okay

griffin: “she wouldn’t go on to found the bureau of balance for decades, but this horrible lonely year, that’s when she became Madame Director” okay, yep, i love her, and i just remembered i was worried for SO LONG that she was hoarding the relics for her own gain and jesus christ IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT THAT, EVERYBODY, I REGRET IT SO BAD

magnus reading fisher the voidfish a story more like GREAT JOY AND HAPPINESS

justin: “taako like walks by [the voidfish] and you just hear him shout ‘give him the complete works of nathaniel hawthorne next!” griffin: “YOU FUCKING HATE THAT GUY!” justin: “fuck that guy” clint: “what do you have against nathaniel hawthorne???” justin: “he is the worst writer and everybody has to read him and it makes kids HATE reading” clint: “last of the mohicans???” justin: “thats- not him, thats james fenimore cooper” griffin: “BOO-YAH!!! [singing] take him toooo schoool” justin: “yall i know the name of TWO authors from that time period, and he did the ONE pull, that’s gonna sound so fucking smart” oh man maybe I really need to reevaluate my ranking of Favorite Mcelroys, justin just reached for the Deepest Cut To Make Me Love Him

magnus: “i don’t find anything useful in this library, so let that be a lesson, kids, you’ll never find anything useful reading books” yeah take that, you punk ass book jockeys

griffin: “I base it on just how much i like the scene, right? so take plus two bond” whoa what GRIFFY DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SYSTEM FOR THIS SHIT?? HE’S JUST HANDING OUT BONDS AND ASSETS WILLY NILLY????

magnus: “oh, could i have been learning magic instead of feeding books to my buddy?” griffin: “your scene was really good though” magnus: “oh man i could have become a wizard” yeah and break the continuity of THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SHOW

this Lup and Taako’s Greatest Day chaotic destruction is the most fun shit that’s happened in this show

taako: “I pull off her blindfold to reveal this planet’s ONLY DMV. there’s one DMV on the entire planet” this planet has no people and no animals and no living anything besides the 7 ipre crew and yet there’s a DMV leftover from whatever civilization used to be here. UH UH UH SURE JUSTIN

jesus christ i can’t believe lup’s lich form dabbed in the goddamn middle of this ritual

travis: “griffin, i know this wasn't in the instructions you sent us, but I want to make a lightsaber, can I do that?" griffin: "absolutely not!"

the KrebStar is a dope name

griffin: "so like a lotta bear stuff, then, huh?" travis: "look im leaning into it"

travis: “I’m going to name the helmet BearFace- ya know, naming stuff isn’t magnus’s strong suit- and I’m going to call the pendant 2th Necklace”

griffin: “and she’s holding an umbrella” justin: “fuck you” THIS MOMENT IS SOOO GOOD

justin: "I think i speak for the rest of us, and like the entire audience, when i say I cannot wait to see what these fucking 7 items are"

“that was the last conversation you had with your sister” hey griffin. fuck you

“not all exits are equal” HEY GRIFFIN. REALLY REALLY FUCK YOU

oh man lucretia. i can’t believe you did that to everybody. man that’s. that’s rough

this is heartbreaking holy shit. barry begging his bestfriend TO KILL HIM so he won’t forget the love of his life is SOME GUTWRENCHING SHIT HOLY SHIT

this is a really amazing story and I’m so impressed with the way it evolved from a goofy mcelroy joke podcast into such an amazing compelling story

#the stolen century #balance arc #the adventure zone #taz #taz highlights #mcelroys #mine

[embracetheapocalypsewithme]

A Slippery Situation

This fic was borne out of a silly conversation with @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash on this post. I hope that I did the idea justice. :)

Summary: Negan eats some questionable soup while working late and encounters an alternate version of himself. This “Other Negan” may be a little older and shorter than him, but he might just have some things to teach Negan about oil wrestling and the love that a man can share for his ruggedly handsome TV clone. 

Word count: 4,301

Warnings: Smut, Negan, Negan being Negan, Comic Negan being Comic Negan, submission, domination, anal sex, unsafe sex, oral sex, semen, drugs, mention of incest, mention of masturbation, and oil wrestling! Enjoy!

A Slippery Situation

From the very first spoon-full, Negan knew that the soup tasted funny, but went right ahead with his meal anyway. Hell, most things that came in cans had started to taste funny as they exceeded their best before dates by months and years. Besides this, the Sanctuary’s cooking staff were notoriously terrible at their job, so everything that left their kitchen tended to taste a slightly “off” at best, and barely edible at worst.

“I’ve gotta find some new kitchen bitches like fucking yesterday,” he grumbled to no one in particular as he raised the spoon to his lips and grimaced at the slightly sour taste that invaded his mouth.

The soup was so bad that on another day he probably would have had one of his men bring it back to the kitchen and tear a strip off of whoever was in charge of that night’s meal, but he was far too busy for those kind of shenanigans today. He braved his way nearly to the end of the bowl, trying to fill his empty stomach with the disgusting liquid while actually tasting as little of it as he could manage. He mostly succeeded and only retched once near the end when the soup had begun to cool to room temperature and the taste could no longer be masked by its initial scalding temperatures.

“Fucking good for nothing, lazy asshole fucking, so called fucking cooks. Fuck, fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck!” he exhaled a long sigh of profanity after regaining control of his gag reflex, and pushed the nearly-empty bowl of soup away in disgust.

As he sat alone in his room, going over battle plans in preparation for another day of squabbling with Alexandria, he felt his mind wander back to the god-forsaken soup. Fucking Christ, how he wished he had time to personally march down to the kitchen and force-feed the cold leftovers of his meal to the first member of the staff he laid eyes upon. A tension headache began to gnaw into the centre of his forehead and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, slamming his eyes shut.

“Oh fucking great! Just fucking marvelous! A fucking headache is all I need now…”

But it wasn’t just a headache that he was feeling. His stomach turned over and he felt another wave of nausea hit him as his vision began to dance slightly. Staggering to his feet, Negan shuffled toward one of the long, velvet couches that sat against the wall of his office. These were typically inhabited by a wife or two, but he had dismissed the women in order to focus on his work this evening, and was totally alone.

“Just need to lie down for a minute and let it pass. I’ll be right as fucking rain if I can close my eyes for a goddamn minute. Not like I have a fucking choice at this point.”

He let his large body drop into the couch dramatically and groaned in frustration at his plight. Of course he would get food poisoning the night before he had to deal with Rick the Prick and his merry band of dickwads. This did not bode well for them at all.

“Well, shit, you fucking pussy! Why don’t you just bash another one of their heads in and break his spirit a bit more. Get him back in line, man!”  

The voice that came from inside the room was deep and not entirely dissimilar to his own, but it had a strong southern drawl and was rougher around the edges. Negan’s deep brown eyes sprang open and he sat bolt upright, ready to confront the intruder.

His gaze fell to a man he knew he had never seen before, and yet he felt instantly familiar to Negan. This was because he was dressed in his characteristic uniform of green pants tucked into black boots, a white t-shirt with a leather jacket draped over it, all topped off with a bright red scarf around his neck. He was even carrying his beloved Lucille in his hands. The man was several inches shorter than Negan and much slimmer, but still managed to look imposing as he loomed over his current place on the couch.

“Good morning, sunshine!” the man drawled smoothly as a shark-like grin spread across his face, which was undeniably handsome and adorned with a fair amount of silver-tinged scruff. He leaned back at an angle that seemed just a little bit too extreme to be comfortable and slung the wooden symbol of the only bitch Negan had ever loved over his shoulder.

“You must have a fucking death wish, asshole!” Negan bellowed, springing to his feet, ready to follow the man’s advice and start cracking skulls at this disrespectful display, “What the fuck is this? Halloween for Doucehbags? Get my fucking jacket the fuck off of you and get the fuck on your knees! Now!”

“Oh, sweetheart, you know I can’t do that yet. Ya gotta buy me dinner first!” the man said, taking a step closer, “Besides, this ain’t your jacket, prick. Look down.”

Negan did as he commanded, against his better judgment, and was stunned to find that he was still wearing his leather jacket. In fact, he was wearing the exact same outfit as this man, right down to the biker gloves that partially covered his large hands. He gaped in confusion, at a momentary loss for words, before his head sprang back up to meet the other man’s hazel eyes.

“Alright, fucker, who put you up to this? Was it Dwight? Is this some kind of weird dominance display to retaliate for fucking Sherry? Because if it is, I’ll Freddy Kruger the other side of his ugly face!”

The slightly older man with the scruff scoffed at this, “Do you really think Dwighty-Boy has enough creativity to pull this shit off? Not heckin’ likely! I’m you, Negan.”

“What the ever-fucking-shit are you talking about? You’re not me. I’m me. The world can only handle one fucking Negan and I am it!” he bellowed at the man.

“Well, shit. Tell that to Scott Gimple,” the Other Negan said with a smirk.

“Scott who?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied dismissively, stepping uncomfortably close to his younger and taller counterpart, “Let’s just say that I’m an alternate version of you. I’m kinda like…what you would be if they made a TV show of your life.”

“Well, it’s fucking flattering that they think I’m so goddam handsome,” the larger, Original Negan said, inspecting the Other Negan’s face, “but I’m not nearly as old as you are, asshole.”

“That may be true, darlin’, but that just means I’ve got more experience,” the handsome TV Show Negan drawled, placing an arm around Original Negan.

Original Negan ducked out from under the arm, shaking his head, “If you’re me then why don’t you fucking swear. I swear all goddamn, motherfucking, cocksucking day! It’s kind of my thing.”

“Censorship,” TV Negan said simply, looking slightly annoyed, “Jesus, I wish I could swear like you. Might get rid of some of these anger management issues I seem to have. Maybe I’d stop having to bash in so many heads.”

“Nah, there’s sadly always some fucker who needs to be put in their place,” Original Negan sighed, “It’s unfortunate, but some pricks just deserve it.”

“Well, at least that’s one thing we can agree on. That, and the fact that I’m fucking handsome as shit!” TV Negan said, the grin returning.

“Uh, yeah. Ok. Fine, we can agree on that. I’m man enough to admit when I find another man attractive. Nothing fucking wrong with that…” he trailed off in thought for a moment and then came back to himself, “How-fucking-ever, I am going to need you to return my lady-friend you have there. I don’t like other fuckers touching her, even if they do look a bit like me.”

“I’m afraid that I just cannot do that, sweetheart. This Lucille is mine, and I am not letting her go for anyone.”

“Well, it looks like we’re at a fucking impasse here because if you don’t return Lucille this fucking instant, I’m gonna have to kick your ass, and I’d rather not do that tonight. Got shit to do. You know how it is,” Original Negan said as a cold look spread across his eyes.

“Rick the Prick being an asshole again?” TV Negan asked with a twinge of sympathy.

“You fucking know it. God! He’s such a fucking dick sometimes!”

“He does suck ass. A whole lot of ass.”

“Fuckin’ A!” chuckled Original Negan, “You’re alright in my books if you hate Rick, but the fact still remains that I’m about ten seconds away from stabbing you in the gut and taking Lucille back by force if you don’t hand her over.”

The shorter man held up is free hand in a placating gesture, “Calm down, ya big asshole! I think there’s another way to go about settling this.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Original Negan asked, skepticism creeping into his tone.

“I’ll wrestle you for her,” TV Negan replied, his expression grave, “Whoever wins gets to keep the fair lady, Lucille. How about it?”

Original Negan stroked his smooth chin with two gloved fingers, considering the other man’s proposition for a moment, “Yeah…Ok! You got yourself a deal. Hell, I’ve got at least a few inches and more than a few pounds of muscle over you. This ain’t gonna be much of a fucking challenge!”

“Plot twist!” TV Negan exclaimed as he stripped off his leather jacket and tossed it aside, “This isn’t just any kind of regular wrestling, you know. That’d be too easy. This has to be oil wrestling, just to even the playing field.”

“Are you fucking shitting me right now?”

“Do you want the chance to win Lucille back or not, asshole?”

Original Negan shook his head slowly, “I can’t believe I’m actually gonna do this…” he mumbled as he pulled off his own jacket and tossed it  into the couch, followed shortly thereafter by his t-shirt and pants, “I’m not ruining perfectly good clothes just because you got it in your head that getting all greased up gives you an advantage. I suggest you follow suit and we do this in our fucking undies.”

“Whatever you say, big boy, only there’s a bit of a problem with that plan,” TV Negan said as he unbuckled his belt and tugged his zipper open.

“And what exactly is th-“ Original Negan’s words cut off abruptly as he quickly discovered the issue for himself.

“I’m not so much a fan of underwear, ya see,” TV Negan said with a grin that contained not even a trace of bashfulness.

Original Negan stared blankly at the other man’s naked form, taking it all in before stripping off his own underwear and squaring up to his opponent.

“Ok, so where’s this fucking oil then?” he asked.

“Behind you,” TV Negan said matter-of-factly.

Original Negan turned to see a large bottle of baby oil sitting on the end table beside the couch, its powder pink label blaring out at him. He reached for it and grasped it in his hand, turning it over hesitantly before flipping open the cap with a shrug and pouring a generous amount of the viscous liquid over his chest and arms.

After passing the bottle to TV Negan, who followed suit, he began to lather the oil across his upper body, eventually trailing his rough hands down to his thighs and calves. He took in the sight of his muscles glistening in the light, the oil highlighting every curve, and then raised his eyes to look at the other man just in time to watch him finish applying the oil to his own body.

Somehow, looking at the attractive older man naked and covered in oil caused an unexpected flood of arousal to take root in his stomach, and Original Negan felt his cock twitch to life ever so slightly. Hoping that TV Negan hadn’t noticed, he shook off the feeling as best he could and readied himself for the fight.

“Ready for me, big boy?” TV Negan inquired, licking his lips slightly and looking Original Negan up and down. Shit! Had he noticed after all?

“You fucking know I am, asshole. The question is: are you ready for all of this?” he responded, gesturing to his large frame.

Without saying a word, TV Negan lunged for him, tackling him to the floor and straddling him before pinning his hands down next to his head. Caught off guard for a moment, Original Negan stared up at the man in a daze, wondering how someone smaller than him had managed to knock him on his ass so quickly.

After he regained his composure Original Negan used his legs to flip the man off of him, causing him to land with a thud on the floor to his left. Before TV Negan could get up, Original Negan had climbed on top of him and used his knees to pin the other man’s hands by his side.

“Well, shit! You’re pretty fast for such a big guy!” TV Negan’s gaze drifted down Original Negan’s body, landing firmly and obviously at the man’s crotch, “And I do mean big! Holy shit, man! You appear to be a grow’er, not a show’er,” he said with a wink.

“What are you-“ Original Negan looked down at himself, flustered by TV Negan’s accusation,  only to find that the part of his body he affectionately called Lucille Two had betrayed him again and was standing firmly erect, pressed fast against his lower stomach. In the heat of the moment, he hadn’t even noticed.

TV Negan used this temporary distraction to break free, his slick body pressing into Original Negan’s as he escaped his grasp, sending the larger man scurrying forward in an attempt to re-capture his opponent. Original Negan’s oil-soaked hands slid out from under him on the wooden floor, causing him to sprawl forward and his chin to connect with the hard surface with a thud as he crashed down.

“Ha! Made you look, shit head!” TV Negan called out from behind him. Fuck was he ever fast!

Before he could get back on his feet, Original Negan felt the other man land on top of him from behind. His chest pressed into his back as he threw his whole weight into Original Negan, ensuring that he would stay on the floor.

“So, I take it you like what you see, huh?” TV Negan practically purred into his ear, his mouth was less than an inch away and his silver-streaked stubble brushed against Original Negan’s smooth cheek, “You might try to cover up your…tendencies…behind that harem of wives we’ve got going on, but your dick ain’t doing such a good job of keeping up appearances, Neegs.”

Original Negan felt his hips buck almost involuntarily as another wave of arousal hit him at the older man’s words, and his ass connected firmly with something hard yet soft behind him. TV Negan’s cock dug into him from behind as the he ground his hardened member against Original Negan.

“Heh. That’s what I thought. You like this, don’t you?” TV Negan inquired.

“Fuck you, douchebag!” Original Negan boomed from below, his face still pressed against the cold wooden floor as TV Negan continued to pin him down. He tried to sound furious, but his voice wavered. He knew the truth, just as TV Negan did, that he was in fact very into this.

“That’s the idea, dollface,” TV Negan replied in a low tone.

With that, TV Negan lessened the pressure against Original Negan just long enough for him to roll over before straddling him again, this time higher up on the large man’s muscular chest, which brought his sizeable cock within inches of Original Negan’s mouth.

“You sure do have a pretty mouth, you know,” TV Negan beamed down at him from above, “It’d be a shame if we didn’t find out how it feels wrapped around my dick, now wouldn’t it?”

“I-uh…what the fuck?” Original Negan felt his eyes go wide as his face grew hot with embarrassment, a sensation he had not felt in ages.

There wasn’t much that could embarrass the boisterous man, and yet the sight of TV Negan straddling him and offering him his cock was almost too much for Original Negan. Oh sure, he had done some same-sex experimentation in college. Lord knew that the long nights on the road with his table tennis team had led to some pretty wild shenanigans, which often devolved into homoerotic romps with some of the other men.

Original Negan hadn’t ever really thought hard about his sexuality or put a label on himself. His motto had always been “If it feels good, do it!” So why was he balking at the chance to literally go fuck himself now? Or, at least to fuck an alternate version of himself.

With these thoughts racing through him mind, Original Negan locked eyes with the man on top of him and raised his head off of the ground far enough so that his mouth hung just in front of the head of TV Negan’s cock. Without breaking eye contact, he trailed his tongue over the slit, flicking it up quickly at the end. He felt a shudder of pleasure radiate from TV Negan as a small moan, almost too faint to hear, escaped the man’s lips.

“Mmm. Good boy. I knew you would find a way to put that mouth to use.”

TV Negan lessened his grip on Original Negan just enough for him to free himself. Once his large arms were able to move, his first instinct was to flip the older man to the ground and fuck his shit up royally for pinning him down like that. Instead the lust won over, and he grabbed the other man’s ass firmly and forced his cock closer to him so that he could fully insert it into his mouth.

The sensation of TV Negan’s thick cock filling his mouth caused another wave of lust to hit him and a slight whimper made his throat vibrate against it. TV Negan must have enjoyed this because his rough hands quickly found their way into Original Negan’s thick, dark hair where they grabbed on tight and forced his mouth even further down the shaft.

A sigh of contentment left TV Negan, “Mmmm…Now how did I know you’d be so good at this? Must be that slutty, filthy mouth of yours? Hmm?”

Original Negan continued to suck the other man’s cock vigorously, taking him all the way into his throat, but his rhythm was broken by a sharp tug on his hair that forced his face to look up at the man who was still perched above him, “Answer me when I’m speaking to you!” TV Negan warned, slowly extracting himself from Original Negan’s mouth with a pop.

“Yes!” Original Negan answered.

“’Yes!’ what?” TV Negan asked.

“Fuck yes, my filthy mouth is great at sucking cock. Now, can I get back to it?” he replied, more than a little bit annoyed.

“Oh, I don’t think so, darlin’,” TV Negan grinned down at him, “I think I’m good and warmed up now, and I want at that ass of yours. Is that gonna be a problem for you?”

Original Negan considered TV Negan’s proposition for a brief moment before giving his answer in a low growl, “Fuck no, it’s not. Let’s fucking do this.”

“Good!” TV Negan said simply, standing. Original Negan relished the sight of the man looming over him, his cock bobbing just above him, glistening with his saliva. TV Negan’s eyes darkened as he regarded Original Negan, who was still sprawled on the floor below, ”Get on the couch and get that cute, little ass in the air for me then.”

Original Negan did as he was told, placing his knees on the cushions and gripping the back of the couch. Within only seconds he felt TV Negan take his place behind him, his body radiating heat against him and the hair of his happy trail brushing across his ass slightly as he lined himself up with Original Negan’s opening.

“Now, normally I’d use some lube, but…extenuating circumstances seem to have left us fresh out of such luxuries…so I guess I’ll just have to improvise!” TV Negan said gleefully. Original Negan heard the unmistakable sound of TV Negan spitting into his hand, and only a few seconds later he felt the man’s hard, slick member pushing against him from behind. A sharp gasp of pain caused him to jerk forward as TV Negan’s tip trespassed his tight hole, and suddenly the man’s hands were on his hips, pulling him closer.

“Ah! Fucking fuck! Be gentle, asshole!” Original Negan growled in anger.

“I’m sorry, baby doll. I’ll go easy on ya. Just relax,” TV Negan cooed.

Original Negan took a deep breath and allowed his muscles to relax a bit as the other man pushed himself further inside. Now fully buried in Original Negan’s ass, TV Negan began to thrust into him slowly but firmly, his fingers digging deeper into the skin of Original Negan’s hips. Original Negan moaned deeper, letting the initial discomfort melt into pleasure as TV Negan quickened his pace.

“I knew you were gonna like this! What a filthy, little slut you are – just letting me waltz in here and fuck you right away,” TV Negan punctuated this with a playful slap to Original Negan’s ass.

Original Negan moaned deeper, feeling his cock dripping with arousal, desperately needing release. As if he was able to read the large man’s mind, TV Negan grabbed a handful of his hair with one hand and pulled him backward far enough to force him into an upright position. With one arm across Original Negan’s chest, TV Negan slipped his hand down to grab the other man’s cock, never slowing his pace as he fucked the younger man from behind.

“Oh fuck, that’s perfect! Keep fucking me and make me cum!” Original Negan moaned, lying back against TV Negan’s chest as the man pumped his cock expertly.

Shudder after shudder of pleasure coursed through Original Negan’s body at the feeling of his cock being milked while his ass was being fucked relentlessly by TV Negan. He knew that he was close to orgasm as his large thighs began to shake uncontrollably with each pump. His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes shut tightly while a low growl left his mouth.

“That’s right, baby. I know you want to, so why don’t you just cum for me?” TV Negan whispered in his ear.

The feeling of the other man’s breath against his cheek was just the sensation that Original Negan needed to push him over the edge. In a flurry of curses that would make a sailor blush, he released himself all over his lower stomach and TV Negan’s hands, the streams of fluid pooling into the fabric of the couch.

Once the last few aftershocks of orgasm had subsided, he felt TV Negan slowly pull himself out of his ass as he simultaneously pushed Original Negan back down into the couch so that his ass was in the air. Seconds later, Original Negan felt TV Negan’s copious, warm release hit is ass and upper back as the man came against him, his breath erratic and labored.

“Oh fuck that was good!” TV Negan allowed himself to slump against Original Negan, still breathing heavily, “You have such a nice, tight ass. I couldn’t help myself. Had to mark my territory. Now everyone will know that I screwed you raw.”

“Mmmm. You know what? I think I’m fucking ok with that. Quel fucking surprise,” Original Negan admitted.

It was at this point that some of the Saviors burst into his office, but Original Negan was too far gone to notice them. They had been sent on an urgent mission to notify him that the cooks had added a special ingredient to the soup that evening: wild mushrooms. Unfortunately, the person who had found the mushrooms growing in a field that morning was not a very adept mycologist, and had mistaken psychedelic mushrooms for edible ones. In doing so, roughly half of the Sanctuary’s residents had been accidently dosed and were tripping balls. Evidently, this number included Negan.

They found Negan alone and naked, slumped against the back of his couch, and completely covered in baby oil and his own semen. As they toweled him off, throwing subtlety amused glances at one another, they caught a few words from the dazed man about “alternate time lines” and a “sexy, fucking old dude” who “needed to shave that shit”.

At one moment, Negan locked eyes with a young man in a moment of apparent clarity, “Hey! You! Riddle me fucking this: If you fuck your clone, is it masturbation or incest?”

The young Savior’s eyes widened momentarily, preparing to answer one of the most important philosophical questions of the post-Apocalypse, but one of his comrades managed to quiet Negan down first, and he was spared that pleasure.

After finally getting Negan to lay peacefully on his couch and covering him with a blanket, the Saviors who found him vowed to one another to never speak of the “magic mushroom incident” to anyone for fear of Negan’s wrath. The next morning, their leader woke up with a splitting headache and vague memories of some very sexual, homoerotic dreams involving a man with a greying beard and dimples for days. He smiled to himself over coffee with his wives, deciding to keep the dreams to himself as future spank-bank material.  

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