#these two put me thru so much pain [enjoying the drama of it all]

[grahamcarmen]

#red crackle #red crackle thoughts #carmen x gray #gifs #carmen x graham #gray x carmen #graham x carmen #see i can't help but go OOOOOH PETTI SPAGETTI SANWHICHES [while i eat popcorn] #but also the way dark! carmen slumps before getting up and calling him a traitor [whens the other traitor in her eyes IS important #and she never really got over it] #and ughh it sounds so petty BECAUSE she's hurt #or even how gray is distancing himself too when he says it #:( armed and dangerous and putting on his smugness #like he isn't gonna soft face twice smh #GAH he's like :( the cafe meant nothing but he's scoffing and smiling before putting it aside #also i was a loser and said wow...they're a pretty couple- #these two put me thru so much pain [enjoying the drama of it all] #if they can't be soft at the end of all this nonsense it will have been for naught i fear </3

[am-artist]

the wilds s2 e5 discussion (tw SA from previous ep)

i really did not need for josh to go through this man

seth being the inside man sure is a choice. now i wonder what kind of fucked in the head he is to have agreed to the role and done what he did to josh, since it clearly was not part of some scheme.

also, this makes 2/4 operatives who have siblings in their control groups, which feels wild considering you’d think they get found out instantly. luckily for gretchen both sibling pairs have massive underlying tension ig!

still do not care about gretchen can we cut back faster

rachel getting to a place where nora’s funeral being suggested while we’re still stuck with 0 body is making me think that she is not in fact dead.

is shelby losing her faith? is that what we’re getting here?

kirin may yet be the #true leader of the group, which is kind of annoying considering what a macho chad type he’s been presented as thus far. stil glad the others are making an effort re josh despite how annoying he is (esp w the tryhard lib backfire racism).

so far gretchen’s inside agents have 1) died 2) ‘died’ 3) purposefully sabotaged the whole operation after assaulting another candidate and 4) been her shitty son, so that’s another point for the “gretchen is a total flop” argument. absolutely incompetent.

45 days in is ig a time to discuss what people back home think about their missing daughters. fun times.

gretchen name-drop! woopsie! (everyone immediately looking at leah after this reveal is so funny)

kirin at least believes josh. future besties set up ig.

again narratively i just do not enjoy the way the SA is inevitably going to destroy any authentic dynamics that could have arisen between the group esp re leadership. the tensions that breed just of the clashes of personalities and approaches are so much more compelling to me than the constant gross tension coming from this shared secret.

henry holding out on the #establishment is very in-character. and him just saying the lyrics to black parade…… is so funny to me. im sorry.

bad skin on the girlies, applause again for the MUAs

shelby’s internal drama is… painful. not painful enough to make me forget she put out that fire two eps ago tho!

oh wait shes going there too. oh fuck.

wow okay toni is so accepting. i do not think i would have been the bigger person so easily. but then again yes the likelihood of the boat spotting their tiny campfire is low.

oh the guys are having this confrontation NOW already?? i was not mentally prepared to have to sit through this debacle.

the boys are all acting exactly as i would have expected which makes the whole thing even more mystifying to me. so they deal with this within the space of one episode, and now that’s just lying there between them hanging over everything else they do. it really doesn’t feel like this served any greater purpose than being a twist villain reveal, at the cost of more natural character evolutions. & from an audience pov anyone interacting w seth now makes me like skin-crawly uncomfortable which is def intentional but doesn’t make me want to watch a lot of the guys’ segments. now hes been banished i assume he has to go into straight villain mode, but having an explicit antagonist to bond against makes the guys have a less interesting island life. and flattens seth out too obv but fuck his character.

random note i feel for henry bc seth *is* family but also it feels like their backstory may involve some badness by the way he reacts to this whole situation.

kirin did come thru tho thank u kirin.

as for josh i hope hes going to do well after this display of solidarity even tho he is very understandably traumatised & not happy abt the way this affects the group’s relationship to him (i will say this for this storyline i do think from josh pov it handles male SA sympathetically and realistically). & it makes sense that no one says anything abt this now, even for as reluctant to discuss it i would assume them all to be about it anyways.

future josh makes me not super confident he evolves positively from here tho.

+ sidenote i do enjoy kirin and ivan acting as opposite energy team parents despite josh not particularly appreciating either approach in the moment.

love the amount of rachel introspection this season but wish it wasnt all about her presumed dead sister. the character has so much inner conflict.

fatin going leah mode (more successfully than leah) is good stuff

welp called it. nora girl i get it but WOW have you done a lot that i would not forgive you for putting me through if i was your sister. hoping this was not your choice

#the wilds #the wilds s2 #the wilds spoilers

[youtiaoshutiao]

i just finished "the romance of tiger and rose" and i have nothing to watch now :( do you have any cdrama recs?

hello!!!! sorry i got to this a week late my tumblr is like... neglected currently

anyway i’m so glad u enjoyed tiger and rose!!! i love it so much too :D for cdrama recs, omg it really depends on what u’re looking for!!!! i find it so hard to narrow down dramas that are my faves to recommend because i actually watch very little HAHA and i only watch to completion dramas that i really like anyway xD anyway i’ll just list a few that i’ve watched recently (meaning like... from mid 2019 till now) and really enjoyed!!!

period dramas:

- joy of life 庆余年 (2019): hard to describe this tonally because it’s v irreverant and hilarious yet moving and deep and suspenseful?! the first 15 episodes are fun and enjoyable but i think i really really truly got into it after that and became invested 100%. in my eyes it felt like a fervent love poem to life and the human condition especially towards the end. the characters are all very fascinating and there’s a lot of twisty plot twists. excellent acting and script writing. only caveat is that it’s the first season out of a planned 3 season series so it ends on a cliffhanger, and the female lead doesn’t really have as much agency compared to the other supporting female characters (mainly due to her circumstances and the role she plays i guess).

- young blood 大宋少年志 (2019): YOOO THIS is a huge lovelovelove for me, you have the most lovable squad consisting of 6 very different and generally lonely teenagers who get roped into this secret services thing where they deal with top secret government plots and stuff. and they start off all on the wrong foot and grow to LOVE EACH OTHER and RELY ON EACH OTHER and HAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. *sobs just thinking about it* has many supporting characters that are interesting and whom u also get invested in. It’s an original script written by Wang Juan 王倦 who also wrote the joy of life script, except young blood is 100% original and not adapted from a webnovel! just like tiger and rose’s script, which is also an original script written by Nan Zhen. this is SUPER SUPER rare nowadays in cdramaland which is why i stan these 2 dramas so hard hahaha. caveat: young blood also ends on a kind of cliffhanger/open ending, but it still felt like the arcs that the entire series covered in terms of character development were well completed so i was okay with it. plus there are lots of hints that there’s also gonna be a season 2, though I think Wang Juan is still writing the script for that.

- under the power 锦衣之下 (2019/2020): this is the drama that tiger and rose is sometimes compared to in terms of how it became so popular unexpectedly. i would wholeheartedly recommend this 100% solely for the OTP which is a Tsundere Embroidered Uniform Guard (Ming-dynasty secret police) ML x Bubbly/talkative/street smart Constable FL. they are SUPER SUPER cute and the leads (who are both my faves) play them super well and their romantic development is presented really organically. the outfits esp the male lead’s are A+++ also and make him look super super hot. i like the OST too. however everything else is quite mediocre lol especially the special effects and the meandering sideplots and there was a whole plot arc that didn’t really make much sense because a lot was edited out because of censorship. STILL VERY ADDICTIVE THO

- the story of ming lan 知否知否应是绿肥红瘦 (2018/2019): a very long drama (but quite normal by cdrama standards lol) basically about the ~journey~ and ~growth~ of our protagonist minglan, unfavoured daughter of a concubine of a relatively high ranking civil servant. it’s a very different vibe to a lot of other cdramas in that it’s very slice-of-life and slow paced, but i think it’s fascinating how it showcases how women deal and work with the internal dynamics of a household in a patriarchal society, and how that affects societal and political affairs as well. her OTP with an unfavoured son from another family (lol) is also very very delicious as it’s basically 2 people who have gone thru a lot of Trauma as children treasuring each other/learning that they too are treasured by the other and them building their own family and household against all odds and evil family members. it’s v long and slow paced as i mentioned earlier but it’s very very rewarding!! and i think many of my tumblr mutuals would agree it’s quite a favourite :D

modern dramas:

(i’ll admit that i’ve only had the brainspace the past 1 year for fluffy brainless modern dramas so all these are just for the FLUFF)

- skate into love 冰糖炖雪梨 (2020): uni drama where the FL re-picks up her true love speed skating after abandoning it for Reasons and gets back into it competitively. her OTP is her primary school deskmate who is an ice hockey player. the otp is very very fun!! the ML has a lot of resentment towards FL initially because FL was quite the bully in primary school but i really like how they resolved it and eventually the ML falls first and falls Really Really Hard and it is Delicious. the career aspects was quite well done also and i really rooted for the FL to rediscover her passion and pick it up again, and also for the ML to become better at his craft. caveat: i actually still have 10 episodes to go as i stalled because i know there’s a couple of episodes coming up that are going to be frustrating because of typical Misunderstanding and Miscommunication blablabla. but that’s pretty common lolol and overall it’s still a cute watch.

- the 致我们 series consisting of 3 dramas : 

1) a love so beautiful 致我们单纯的小美好 (2017): high school drama basically tsundere male lead x bubbly female lead, they’ve been classmates since young and are next door neighbours, female lead has a crush on him since forever

2) put your head on my shoulder 致我们暖暖的小时光 (2019): set in uni, female lead’s doing an internship far from her school, male lead is a physics student and his parents have a flat for him that is near female lead’s internship place, BAM THEY ARE FLATMATES!

3) the love equations 致我们甜甜的小美满 (2020): uni drama, female lead is a chinese language major who loves writing forensic novels online, male lead is a forensic science major.

all 3 are really cute lolol. i put these 3 because i just watched the third one two months ago and i feel like i have to mention it in the context of the first 2 haha. the first 2 were definitely hits both domestically and internationally. i feel the 3rd one kind of flopped? in terms of reception compared to the first 2 and a lot of my drama mutuals couldn’t get into it, and i can understand why because it did feel more unpolished? in terms of directorial choices/the editing/the acting/the script. but i still somehow really loved it for some reason, i think some parts of the ML’s life esp his relationship with his mum really resonated with me, and i loved FL and her friendships with her dormmates so so so so much. so i really rooted for the OTP.  i think objectively in terms of quality i would rate them 2 > 1 > 3, but in terms of feels... i loved them all. and it’s all just pure fluff anyway at the end of the day HAHA.

ok i’m running out of time writing this hehe but also a quick shoutout to my 2 favourite youth/high school dramas forever - With You 最好的我们 (2015) and My Huckleberry Friends 你好旧时光 (2017) which are sister dramas/set in the same universe and imo, are the pinnacle of youth dramas and what it means to capture the anxieties/stresses/mundane joys/pain/beauty of the Chinese/Asian high school experience. 

there are many others from before 2019 that i watched and enjoyed but i didn’t put them in hehe. and i’m sorry HAHA i actually don’t have much trust in my own taste LOL but i hope it helps!!

ohhhh and i’ve been trying to avoid starting on new dramas because of Exam Prep but there’s been SO MANY airing lately that i’ve been interested in:

The Bad Kids 隐秘的角落: apparently super well done suspense/thriller drama that’s receiving rave reviews everywhere!!

Love A Lifetime 暮白首: an original wuxia starring ren jialun (ML in under the power) whom i love so much and zhang huiwen

My Girl 99分女朋友: this is a modern day cdrama written by nan zhen!!! (who wrote tiger and rose) so i think it might be worth checking out :))

#recs #cdrama #joy of life #young blood #the story of Ming Lan #under the power #skate into love #a love so beautiful #Put Your Head On My Shoulder #the love equations #with you #my huckleberry friends #the bad kids #love a lifetime #my girl #mine #drama watching #replies

[pinkykitten]

INHALER

Marvel 

Peter Parker x asthmatic! female reader

Warning: asthmatic symptoms 

Specifics: fluff, romance, comedy, one-shot, race neutral reader, asthmatic reader

People: peter parker / spider-man, mj, ned, mother

Words: 1,198

Request: By anon Hi!! 💕 Could I please request a Peter Parker x Reader who has Asthma? Something where they’re in the cafeteria and Pete sees the reader take her inhaler and he is like “!? What !?” So now he makes it a mental note to make sure she’s okay and one day when they’re hanging out he sees a Spider-Man sticker on her inhaler and he’s all ☺️💘? Thank you for your time and consideration!

Authors Note: i loved this so much! its so fluffly its fluffier than cotton candy yall!!!! i put what i personally have to go thru in this story because i have asthma so im sorry if its not what u were looking for it was kinda more personal. tysm again for ur request i love writing for peter cuz hes someone for some reason i dont write about alot but i adore him 

It just became. It was never a starting point that you remember. It was not recent either. You had asthma since you were little. Your mother would make sure you had your inhaler with you at all times. Sometimes, when the asthma got worse you would have to take a puff everyday but recently you were feeling better. Your breathing was almost normal and barely had you felt a shortness of breath. 

Peter wanted to know everything about you. Everything. And you assumed telling him about your asthma was not of great importance. Its not like you had a killing disease. It was only asthma. 

You were sitting in the cafeteria with Peter and his friends, Ned, MJ, when you felt the harsh feeling of breathing again. It was as if your lungs were getting constricted, like you couldn’t breathe; almost the feeling of drowning. 

Their conversations were muffled as you quickly got your inhaler out of your pocket, shook it and breathed it in twice. Your heart settled and you felt at ease knowing this would help you. 

You didn’t know a certain doe brown eyed boy was peeking at you. “Are you okay y/n?”

You didn’t realize he saw the whole thing and you were one who never enjoyed the attention or wanted sympathy. “I’m fine Pete, thanks.” You smiled. 

Peter gently guided his hands to yours and took a hold of them. He wore a look of concern and worry. “No I saw you take a puff out of...” Peter knew what it was but he had forgotten the name. It was on the tip of his tongue. “That.” He points to your inhaler.

“My inhaler?”

“What? Thats kinda cool if you think about it.” Peter squinted his eyes as he shrugged. 

“It’s amazing to have to keep something close to you cause if not then you might die by having an asthma attack,” you said sarcastically, closing your lunchbox. 

Peter messed up with his wording. “I’m sorry y/n. What I mean is you don’t need to hide it from me. I think it makes you stronger knowing you feel pain and not at ease sometimes yet you always have a smile on your face. And that you worry so much about others instead of yourself. It’s cool.”

“Yeah you’re super cool y/n,” Ned chuckled, proceeding to eat his food. 

MJ pointed her finger at you, “I and the rest of the dweebs here are gonna make sure you always have it with you and if you don’t I will personally run all the way back and get it for you then slap you so you will never forget it again.” All was silent as she opened up her book to continue reading. 

“You’re all drama queens!” 

You understood they loved you and wanted you safe and protected but it got a bit out of hand. You forgot your inhaler once and MJ did indeed slap your face. You were afraid this time because once again, you forgot your inhaler. 

“Why don’t I learn?” You thought as you scrambled over to Peter in an empty science class. “Peter I need your help.”

“Whats wrong y/n? Is it your asthma again? Do you have your inhaler?” He was very much anxious. His arms wrapping around you almost as if to keep you safe. All he wanted, he needed in his life was you, safe, in his arms, with him. 

Twiddling your thumbs you scratched the back of your head, “well. The good news is no I’m not having issues right now with my asthma. The bad news is I forgot my inhaler.”

“Oh, don’t tell MJ this. She will not like it one bit.”

“I know Pete! Thats why I need your help. Can you please get it for me?” You fluttered your eye lashes to entice him. 

Peter smirked, crossing his arms, “depends. I need a little something before I get you your inhaler.”

“What is it?” You genuinely asked. Not getting the hint it was supposed to be romantic. 

“Silly, you gotta give me a kiss.”

“Oh okay, like this one,” you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and landed your lips upon his chapped ones. You and Peter were still young so the kiss was a little sloppy but you two were inexperienced. You gave little pecks to his lips. His eyes were closed and so were yours. You always enjoyed kissing your boyfriend. You two parted, giggling. 

“That was a surprise. I always love when you kiss me.”

“Me too,” you felt flustered and a bit bashful. 

“Alright I’ll get your inhaler baby girl,” Peter kissed your forehead and ran ahead super fast. 

“He’s always so fast?” You shook your head. How dare this boy leave you feeling like this? All putty because of the nickname. It was a sin.

Peter swung around New York as Spider-Man to get to your house. It was quicker that way. He still hasn’t told you about his secret. (i know ur secret ur dirty little secret srry i just recently watched it 2 if u seen it u’ll understand) He was afraid to. What would you think? How would you react? It all made him nervous. 

He lifted your window up and crawled on your ceiling. He flung his mask off to get a better look at your room. It was cute and very much fit your personality. Peter sniffed the air, grinning widely. The room smelled of your beautiful scent that Peter could not get enough of. “Alright y/n,” clapping his hands together, getting to work, “lets see where you put this thing.”

Peter looked on your dresser, on your nightstand, in your bed, in your drawers and still nothing. Finally as he twisted his body he saw it on your desk in a mason jar. There was a sticky note on the mason jar that read “INHALER’S HOME.” Peter laughed out loud. He was totally going to bring that up to you. It made him love you more if that was even possible. He saw you as someone so cute and adorable. But something caught his eyes. 

Dipping his hand in the mason jar to retrieve the inhaler he spotted a Spider-Man sticker on it. His heart pumped loudly, hard. He had butterflies, fireworks all of it in his stomach. You were so precious! You meant so much to him and it made him almost fangirl to know that you loved not only him as Peter but you also were a fan of Spider-Man. Now he had to tell you. 

He cradled the inhaler in his arms and just stared at the sticker. Completely in love with you. “My y/n,” he whispered as he gave a kiss to your inhaler. He swung back to school to give what you had lost. He promised himself from now on he would always make sure you had it with you no matter what. No matter if he was fighting bad guys, Thanos it all wouldn’t matter to him, not just yet because you had to come first. In Peter’s life you would always come first and he will always make sure you are safe and protected. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @marwantr, @divaanya, @wassupitschloe, @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag), @spycii, @eminemsgiraffe (wont let me tag)

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

#marvel #marvel fic #marvel imagine #fanfiction #imagine #x reader #spider-man #spider-man x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #spider-man imagine #tom holland #peter parker x asthmatic! reader #race neutral reader #peter parker fanfiction #spider-man fanfiction #requested #inhaler

[celmation-gibson]

Hello, Well 2018 was a Great time for Cinemas, and what a Year for such Creature Features such as the ones I will be reviewing here, and now may I present to you some reviews of the movies that I've observed on the Big Screen that year.

Pacific Rim: Uprising – My First movie to see in Theaters since I couldn’t find a Perfect time to see Aardman’s ‘Early Man’, but I’m pretty sure this Year would be a Monster of a Movie experience in the Cinemas. Since I’ve have and Watched the First film on DVD, I would think that I should enjoy its Sequel that has been made, and even though Mr. Guillermo Del Toro (the first film’s Director) didn’t direct this Film, he Helped Produce it as well. And as I said before, I do Love a Good Giant monster film, and this film was always filled with Suspense, Action, & Drama, and I would Fear that there won’t be any Hope left if those Giant Monsters win. Also it breaks my Heart wide Open to see a Character who I say and Liked in the First film died in this one. And that one Villainous Character is sure a Wicked Dick (*pardon my Language*) about this one being Possessed by a Kaiju Masterminded Brain. And surprising how that Rouge Jaeger was controlled by a Kaiju Brain, Hit him once & he’ll hit you back Twice as Hard. But I’m glad the heroes win in this Battle, and it took near the Tail end of the Film for the Movie’s Title to appear, unlike the First one where you wait 15-20 minutes for the Main Title to appear in a longest prologue, but for Me, I would almost stick with the Original Film.

Rampage – As I said before, I do Love a Good Giant monster Movie, and this is one of them. And it was a God-Epic monster Mash, even had some hilarious Moments, like when George flips the Bird, and I was like “Did that Primate just flip a Bird?”, though I do know another Ape who can Flip a Bird. And not to mention that the movie is actually based off an Old Arcade game of the same name, and if you Look very closely in the Office Building of Energyne, there are Arcade Cabinets of the Original ‘Rampage’ game, and ‘Rampage: World Tour(?), though I’m not quite sure what the other one is. And the monsters are Hardcore Badass, I don’t know which one(s) are Great (though I pick all of them), and for Bonus, there was another Creature in the Beginning of this Film that was a Rat Test subject. And the Sequence where they hunt the Giant Wolf Down was Awesome and it gave me Goosebumps completely. Plus some Good Elements from the Game is Included as Well, such as Eating People, Tearing down a Building from top to bottom, the military being involved, and Destruction of the monsters themselves. Even when me and my Dad were watching it in the Theaters, and when Dad watched the Commercials for the Film, one of his Favorite Quotes from the movie was “And of course the Wolf Flies”, LOL! And the Lizard Monster in the Film was so Massive & a “Pain in the Ass”, there was no End in that Creature, even when you plant an Explosion in his Ears & throw Missiles at him, he gets back up again, and I thought the Impalement on George would have Killed him Completely, but it was just thru his Shoulders and Thank goodness not the Heart Area or Between the Chests. But still, this film was an Epic Fun Thrillride, the characters are Great & Fun-filled, and I guaranteed this Year would be a Monster Movie Experience in the Theaters.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Well, me and my Dad seen the first 'Jurassic World' in Theaters back in 2015, so we figured since we love Dinosaur movies, we go this this latest update, and to our Surprise, Original Jurassic Park star Mr. Jeff Goldblum (the big Chill, the Fly(1986)) will be starring in Guest Role, and it was a Surprise seeing him in a Honda(?) commercial to promote the Film. And That my Foodtown was already selling products, even sodas & Chips in Promoting the Features, and it featured some of my Favorite Dinosaurs in the Film such as the Classic T-Rex, and boy was that Opening Scene in the Pouring Rain so Intense, the Surviving Raptor of the Original JW film Blue, who is one of my Favorite 'Good Guy' Raptors, the Comical Dino Hard-head Stiggy, who I find entertaining & Funny in the Movie, and My Favorite Villainous Dinosaur, the IndoRaptor, and if you think the Indomenous Rex in 'Jurassic World' was Terrifying, this IndoRaptor is one Badass Creep, even when she(?) smiles while playing Dead while one of the Soldier guys was about to Chip a Tooth off her, kinda gives it like a Cartoon-y feel to it like the minor ones in 'the Adventures of Pinocchio'(1996). And that Epic moment where the Island was in Volcanic Eruption was so Frantic, even one scene in the Film was shot in One single Lengthy shot during those Round Vehicle Thingies, an I thought the Part where one of the Brachiosaurus was Left behind on the Island while Massive smoke was covering him was the most Disturbed sequences in the Film. Well i certainly enjoyed the film, while my Daddy didn't, cuz he thought there wasn't much action or creature footage in the film, as he thought there was more of some "Love Stories" being put into it, that's why he might like 'Rampage' more, where they showed some monsters earlier in the film, but you might say that some Critics praised Pratt's and Howard's performance, Bayona's direction, the visuals, Michael Giacchino's score and the "surprisingly dark moments", while others suggested the series had run its course, criticizing the screenplay and lack of innovation.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation - Well, Mr. Genndy Tartakovsky Never Fails to impress us with this Three-times Charmer, and how Lucky was I to reserve a Seating to see this on my Birthday of 2018, after a Good Morning at the Meadowlands flea Market, and a goof Lunch at Taco Bell, I hit the Theaters with my Dad, and the Movie was Fantastic, and since Mr. Genndy Tartakovsky Co-written this Film (along with one of the 'Austin Powers' writer), I know what some Moments in the Film, there are certain scenes that are free of Dialogue, just like the ones in 'Samurai Jack'. And it was a-bit strange to see a Character from one the 'Hotel Transylvania' shorts that I've never seen, and that short was "Puppy", but in order to watch the short (even for myself), I have to watch that Gross-out 'Emoji movie' for it. But for HT3, the Climatic part of the DJ Battle with Professor Van Helsing (Drac's old Nemesis, and was surprise to see him still Alive in Machine parts) & the Kraken was Awesome, I didn't remember the first Official song played, but I do know the second being 'Don't Worry, be Happy', and the Final one was none other than the 'Macarena' and supposedly it's the Extended River remix version of the song which I have on my I-Tunes and have no regret in Purchasing it, along with Daft Punk's 'One More Time'. So I like the Film and can't wait to get it for Christmas, along with 'Rampage' this Year. And I even heard that Genndy will be working more at SPA where he will be set to Direct an R-rated animated feature titled 'Fixed', and an Adventure Film named 'Black Knight'.

Smallfoot - When I saw some Preview ads on CartoonBrew, I thought this looks kinda Weird and thought I'd just pass on it, but after seeing some TV Ads for the film, and seeing how interesting it looks, I thought I'd give it a shot, and kinda find the movie very Interesting if you wanna feel Young at Heart, and was Lucky to see it on Columbus Day, the only Actor(s) in the Cast i know were comedian Danny Devito & Basketball superstar Lebron James, and to my surprise seeing the closing credit of the film that Cartoonist Justin Roiland voiced in the film as well as one of the Yeti folks in the Kingdom, and I only know the names Common & Gina Rodriguez starring in the film. And the Music and songs in the Film are Nice, and I like how some Advance the Characters or Advance the plot, and it was Hilarious hearing one Song being sung in the tune of Queen/David Bowie's 'Under Pressure', and since Common is a Rapper in real-life, he did a Good Singing on when the Stonekeeper himself tells Migo that Humans & Yetis were Enemies in the old ages. And the other reasone I like watching this film is that I'm also Fascinated with Yetis and Drawing them, as you can see from my old 'YETI & other Stories' story in my Gallery, and one of my Yeti inspirations was the old Unfinished/soon-to-be-Finished David Allen film 'the Primevals'. And don't forget that the SF film was inspired by a book called 'Yeti Tracks', which is a good thing that some Films were based on Books such as 'Mr. Popper's Penguins', 'Home', & 'the Adventures of Pinocchio(1996)'. And I like how the Film was promoted "from the Studio who brought you 'Looney Tunes'" in which case, it is made by Warner Bros., and also the people who worked on 'Storks', and this film now made me think of two Environmental Animated films from 20th century Fox such as 'Ferngully: the Last Rainforest' & 'Once upon a Forest'.

Halloween(2018) - I never even heard that the Original 1978 classic is getting a Remake, although It may not look like a remake, but a True sequel to the Original film, and avoiding stuff on what happened in 'Halloween II(1981)', 'Halloween 4 -Curse', & 'H20'. And I read that the original star Ms. Jamie Lee Curtis will be in this Film, as well as being executive producer for the feature along with the Original 1978 Film's Director Mr. John Carpenter, as in they want to make it look Perfect as the original Monsterpiece, and they did succeed in it in Keeping the Spirit & Atmosphere like the 1978 movie. And I gotta say, Micheal Myers is one 'Pain-in-the-Ass' monster in this Film, like he always is in the original series, and I feel sorry for the People who got killed by that Creep, the Podcasters, the Boy who was equipped with a Gun along with his daddy, and a Woman who Micheal murdered and left a Baby behind. And an amazing thing my dad found in a Twist of Story is when Micheal got hit by the Sheriff, the Sheriff and the Late Dr. Loomis' student professor went out to investigate and kill Micheal, only for the Sheriff to be killed by the Professor, and when the Professor dude wore Micheal's mask, my dad thought that he was gonna be the New Micheal Myers, but Micheal resurfaced and soon killed the Professor afterwards. And one part in the Film which left the Audience in an applause is a Sequence that was based off the Original film, when Micheal attacked Laurie and pushed her off the Balcony, he saw her Body Lying there, but when Micheal turned away and looked back again, she was gone, just like what happened in the 1978's film ending. even after watching this film with my dad, he still had alot of Questions need to be Answered about some parts in the film, and I wish they showed more of the Ending with Micheal being Burned alive in the Cellar. And this may be one Creepy Classic that i might never watch again, but I just stick with the original Masterpiece of Fright & Shock.

the Grinch - Man, I am seeing alot of Good films in 2018, and this one may be the Last that interest me that Year, and this one was an Adaption of Dr. Suess' Classic Holiday Tale, 'How the Grinch stole Christmas', or simply titled 'the Grinch'. And seeing how Interesting it looks after seeing some Previews and TV Ads, especially that part where the Grinch whispers to Max and Fred "This is the Loudest Snow I've ever heard in my Life", I've decided to give it a Go, and hoping to see if it's Fascinating like the Original 1966 Animated Classic and more Better than the 2000 Live-Action Jim Carrey one, and it was. How lucky i was to see this movie on a Day off afternoon on a Wednesday, and I thought i would be the only one seeing the Film in Theaters, but it was also some Girls and their Parents & Guardians, possibly had a Half a day off. But for the Film, I Loved how the Narrator of the Film narrates in Rhyme, like the Original Dr. Suess books, and how the Writers improvised the Story using the same Lines in the Books, and It had a Great choices in Christmas soundtrack, especially in the part with Grinch Wake-up Radio with some Familiar tunes I know and Cherished. And it was a Great Film produced by the Wonders of Illumination, the Wizards behind 'Despicable me', 'the Secret Life of Pets', & 'Sing', plus they did another Dr. Sues adaption such as 'the Lorax', even some of the character designs in the film made me think of the Designs from Disney features such as 'Wreck-It Ralph' & 'Monster University'. And some of the Voice Cast in the film I know of was Keenan Thompson of 'All That' & 'Keenan & Kel' voicing Bricklebaum, a jolly citizen of Whoville, and Angela Lansbury as the Whoville's Mayor, and how Surprised/Not Surprised to hear another Familiar Voice in the Film playing one of Cindy Lou's Friends, who that boy is none other than Mr. Sam Lavagnino, the Voice of Baby Grizz in 'We Bare Bears' & Pepper and Alien King in 'Summer Camp Island'. And I'd thought Ms. Cindy Lou Who would have a cute design just like the one in the 1966 Classic, and she did have a Cuter design in this Film when it comes to the Creative Artists of Illumination. And Yet, this has become another Holiday Classic, and when I told my Mother how much Fun it is, she might be hoping to get the Film on DVD for my Niece to Enjoy.

There was a Movie called 'the Meg', though I may have interest to see that, but I wasn't sure how much interested I will be with the Whole thing. And sorry if I didn't felt like seeing 'Ralph breaks the Internet' or 'Into the Spider-Verse', I go for the Obscure & Non-Disney taste in the Cinemas as of now.

#2018 #best of #movies #smallfoot #the grinch #pacific rim uprising #rampage #jurassic world fallen kingdom #hotel transylvania 3 #Halloween #george #reviews #cindy lou who #indoraptor #my artwork #drawing

[uniformbravo]

a bunch of winter 2020 anime first impressions from Me

Koisuru Asteroid / Asteroid In Love

ok ive already professed my love for this one so i wont get too much into it but basically it’s Extremely cute & im way invested in the two (HOPEFULLY romantic) leads bc their relationship is so sweet so far aaaaaaa

like do u SEE this shit im actually tearing up hgnfhrognfghdjfnjg

this show is Pretty and Cute and Space-Themed and Probably Gay what more do u Need. i love it 10/10

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

so fucken good, this is the one i was most excited for based purely on the art style/animation and god did it deliver, everything is such a treat to look at i fuckin LOVE a setting w/ just as much personality as the characters

and My Goodness the Characters, 3 distinct girls w/ strong designs & personalities that aren’t like super moe/catered to cishet dudes heLLO

we Love a gremlin protag & her chaotic neutral best friend & the “fuck you dad i want to make anime” dreamer they meet........

also HELL YEAH it’s about making anime and they don’t even use that as a gimmicky set piece, the art is a huge part of the story and the detail with which it’s explored in the first ep gives me high hopes for the rest of the show aaaaa so excited to see where this one goes after that BANGER of a first episode

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

switching gears to a less great one lol..... so the thing is this show’s visual aesthetic absolutely fucking slaps in a way that’s so rare to see in a sea of samey anime art styles, like the character designs are unique and everything is so damn colorful, the backgrounds alone blow me away w/ how fuckin Pretty they are??? LOOK at this shit

and just. this show has a lot of stylistic flourishes that make it like 100/100 Certified Good-To-Look-At Anime

which makes every other aspect of the show that much more disappointing lmaoooo like ok i can deal w/ a mediocre story if the visuals slap, which they Do, but also these characters look 10 & we’re doing the whole sexualizing minors thing which fucking BLOWS it’s so uncomfortable to watch........... i feel like it’s one of those things where they’re trying to justify it by being like “o well hanako’s like a thousand year old spirit or whatever so he’s not REALLY underage” but fuckin. fuck off he looks and sounds like a Young Boy yall know what ur doing ugh

it’s not a thing that happens Constantly throughout the episode, really just a few moments here and there, but it is in the op pretty prominently so i feel like it’s gonna be a Thing that keeps happening so idk if i’ll stick w/ this one in particular which is a Damn Shame bc it really is such a gorgeous looking show im mad

number24

ok ngl just from the character designs alone i rly didn’t think this one was gonna make as good a first impression as it did??? i guess the huge ensemble cast of pretty boys reminded me of last season’s actors: songs connection, which uh. was Not great,

so i went into it totally expecting it to be all shitty but it rly surprised me, i found it so intriguing? the characters are actually really endearing so far...... i love how it doesn’t try to shove the entire cast in our faces in the v first ep but instead starts out w/ a small handful and lets us spend a lil time w/ them while only giving assorted Hints and passing impressions of the others, that was nice

also love how very not “generic sports anime” it is right off the bat by dropping us right into the middle of these characters’ story instead of doing the whole “bright-eyed first year joins the team and fights his way to the top” sorta deal- which you’d think would be a confusing and awkwardly paced approach but in this case is handled surprisingly well, especially because it seems like it’s gonna have a lot more elements of a character drama than a straight up classic sports anime (which i am Super here for)

(there is a lot of rugby in the op though so we’ll see how things go, it’s only been 1 ep after all)

the air drop into the characters’ established lives makes introductions a lot more organic as well; since the characters are already familiar with each other we don’t have to sit around watching everyone introduce themselves to the protag, we get to infer their relationships and general opinions of each other through their various interactions & it’s a thousand times more engaging imo!!

i mean we do have this other first year joining as a manager and our protag did deliberately say he learned everyone’s names/info after deciding to become a manager so im sure we’ll be getting those character introductions anyway, but well. we’ll cross that bridge if/when we come to it

also i believe this takes place in college rather than high school?? i couldn’t pay attention to every detail but i definitely got that kind of vibe in which case Hell Yeah another welcome deviation from the norm babeeyyyy (i just checked and it Is college yeehaw)

basically what im saying is im tired of tropes & number24 just no clipped past the first 25 chapters of the sports anime formula and also it’s set in university AND it seems to be character-driven & im living thanks thank u

Pet

ok ill be honest i completely forgot that i watched this one lmaooo (which should give u a hint as to what i thought of it *thinking emoji*)

the art style’s whatever and the animation’s whatever, nothing special there. the show is like, dark?? more stupid than dark idk it feels a little bit “welcome to my twisted mind” but the twist is homophobia w/ a mild side of ableism, and also an entire episode of suspense wondering if im gonna have to watch this black side character die (he doesn’t, so there’s that at least)

honestly i cant even remember what drew me to this show enough to put it in my plan to watch, i guess the premise sounded interesting enough (something about controlling minds and erasing memories?), but mature psychological shows usually aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re executed.... Like That. i did kind of enjoy the twist at the end, mildly, though i feel like it was pretty obvious in hindsight and the only reason i didn’t see it coming is bc i can be astoundingly shortsighted when it comes to things like that (aka im DUMB)

since it took until the very end of the episode to Really introduce our dynamic duo tho, i feel like this ep was more of a prologue than anything and the Real show is gonna begin in ep 2, which is great n all but uh. idk if i care enough to give that a watch tbhhhh. i might just to see what the show has to offer but really truly honestly cant see myself sticking this one thru to the end lmao rip

--

hate to end on a bummer note like that but hey that’s all i got for this post ! i have more shit to watch so i’ll probably end up making like a part 2 w/ more impressions but this is getting long enough that it’s becoming kind of a pain to keep adding more so thats it for now boiyoeiyeoii

#i kept wanting to talk abt my thoughts & figured this format would be more efficient than making a bunch of scattered text posts #also this way i get to include pictures to help identify each show #which is a lot more fun and probably way easier to understand wtf im talking about #so thats my gift to u ur welcome #retag later #ani blogging

[zalrb]

Hey Zal, I went thru the archives but haven’t seen whatI was looking for. Could you do a post on how Goblin & Buffy did a good job showing immortality vs. humanity whereas TVD failed ?

It’s interesting to answer this kind of ask in the midst of the debate that’s sort of happening with me and followers about TVD and daylight rings because with BTVS, I mean, the show isn’t flawless but one of the ways Joss and the writing room encapsulated immortality well through the lens of vampirism is that they created a culture. It’s not as consistent or prevalent or detailed as True Blood but there’s still a culture.

Like if daylight jewellery in TVD is non-transferable and can be only linked to a single person then that should be played up more instead of it just being a piece of jewellery that keeps them from being burned, it should have a lot of importance for a vampire, it should be like a part of the vampire, it should be something very personal and the only time it’s ever sort of shown that it’s personal is when Kai melts Elena’s but the sentimental value is related to Stefan not the fact that it’s a part of her.

In BTVS they don’t have that but they have a world, they have a culture that is rooted in how long they’ve been alive

Like from this entire exchange, the viewer understands that every vampire says that they were at the crucifixion in order to seem venerable, in order to seem ancient, in order to seem powerful.

Even Mr. Trick, one of the most underrated BTVS characters I think, when he thinks the Mayor is going to tell him to leave Sunnydale he brings up how he’s always been unwelcome in the community and that the speech got old long before he became a vampire thereby bringing up a legacy on anti-blackness that he had to live through as a black vampire.

On a more comedic note, when we’re introduced to BTVS in the pilot, Buffy can automatically tell who the vampire in The Bronze is because their clothing is out of date.

On the flipside of that, Giles shades both Angel and Spike for only being a couple centuries old, their age isn’t actually what makes them unique within the context of demons and vampires and monsters, it’s the fact that they’re both supposed to be unusually cruel.

And the concept of immortality and vampirism is brought up quite consistently and how it actually isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be

because vampires aren’t people

With Angel, his age is constantly brought up

One of the Halloween episodes is dedicated to Buffy having a romanticized idea of what women were like when he was human and being transformed into one

The age never goes away, the fact that they’re from a different time, that they’re not human and that they’re old never goes away, you never forget that.

With TVD, it’s mentioned once or twice and it feels like a checklist, like Caroline brings up the fact that Stefan is still going to be hot when Elena is old and that happens once in 2x04, in 2x20 Stefan talks about how sadness can turn into despair and it’s hard keeping your switch on when you feel everything so deeply. And yet Jeremy and Ben and other emo, angsty humans wanted to become vampires to shut everything out but then we find out that you can never really shut out your emotions as a vampire so is that the big secret about vampirism then, is that the big weight of immortality, that you feel?  OK but so what? What does the show do with that? Humans feel and vampires feel and ... ... ... ....

With Goblin, I find that it’s more in the physicality and the reactions that Kim Shin and Reaper have as well as the reactions to the both of them. You can feel the weight of their conditions and their immortality through how they navigate the world.

One of my favourite examples of this is when Reaper finds out that he’s actually Wang Yeo because his response is chaotic, he’s crying hysterically, he throws things off the table, his pain is fresh because his memories are fresh:

And then it cuts to Kim Shin who is just sitting there quietly in despair because he has been living with the memory of what Wang Yeo did to him and his family for 939 years and it’s not fresh and it’s not new, it’s an anchor that’s been dragging behind him for his entire existence so he’s just like

but that’s not always how he deals with being alive for so long, his reactions to things are erratic and shift

And he consistently visits the people in his life who have died and on one of the tombstones his own picture is there

and when Sunny figures out that in her past life she was his sister she wonders aloud how come it doesn’t feel like a memory for him, how come he’s acting like his life continued since the tragedy

and it’s because it has so he has nearly 1000 years of rage and sorrow so when he hugs Sunny, it’s like he’s holding his sister from a millennium ago and he reacts that way

to the point that Sunny has to remind him that she is not Kim Sun (his  sister), she is still a different person with her own personality.

There are even small details such as the fact that Eun Tak asks him what his actual name is and he has to change identity every so often

or sometimes Eun Tak or Deok Hwa will listen to him speak and ask why he’s talking like he’s in a historical drama (and this never happens with TVD. Once in 1x04, Stefan speaks more formally and Elena kind of gushes over it but their speech is never confused, there is no wonder or awe about watching the world change around them)

Modernity is often mentioned

historical figures are often mentioned

time and age are mentioned

When he comes back from the in-between world, it’s in the clothes he died in from the Goryeo era

and when someone he loves dies, which always inevitably happens, Eun Tak empathizes with the amount of death he would have to endure in a lifetime of immortality

With TVD, we could’ve done this because season 1 had the beginnings of everything I’m mentioning and then they never followed through on it.

Like Stefan goes back to high school for Elena, I get that premise and they have Damon say a couple of words about him joining the football team but if we actually saw how bored Stefan was interacting with vapid teens when he’s been around for so long, it would not only endear the SE narrative even more to its shippers because he’s suffering through mundane ongoings of high school for her being over 100 years old but it would also reiterate the fact that while he is 17 he also isn’t 17.

Even during the double date, it would’ve been cool if Caroline and Matt remarked at how calm Stefan is being throughout the entire night because it’s all pretty high school. Caroline is putting Matt through a test to see how over Elena he is, he mentions making out with Elena in a sports car so Caroline gets irritated, Elena is doing the friend duty (poorly) by seeing if she’s OK, Matt’s like oh shit my bad, and Stefan is being incredibly mature for a 17 year old in the situation being like, you guys have a history it does no one any favours to ignore that. I’m not saying teens can’t be mature for their age but THAT mature in this situation, that should’ve had Matt be like … …. wow, you sound like a grown up?

I remember a while ago we were were discussing on this blog that Klaus is legit 1000 years old and he doesn’t come across as 1000 years old, he’s way too well-adjusted, there is nothing to suggest that he’s been around that long, like Shin is tired and spends time just drinking because he is SO exhausted

and yet when the possibility of him dying comes up his reaction is strong

and TVD vampires aren’t provided with this kind of nuance when it comes to immortality and the amount of time they’ve been alive, they’re just OK and if they’re not OK, if it’s Damon yelling about how he misses being human so much he can’t stand it,

the show hasn’t done anything to substantiate Damon’s claim.

I understand why Stefan would miss being human because Stefan is the only vampire where vampirism is actually seen, where hunger and blood and despair and darkness actually manifests

so I can see why he would want to be human but why would Damon in that moment? With Goblin, we see the sadness and depression that comes from the fact that everyone around Shin dies and that Wang Yeo is a Grim Reaper so his job is death, which is depressing, with Shin he’s still in the state of sorrow and rage because the person he served and loved massacred his entire family and he just wants the rage and pain to end, death is meant to be peace and life is meant to be a punishment

but with Damon everything is wrapped up in Katherine and Elena which doesn’t explain wanting to be human, it’s more about Damon’s choices in women, so it comes out of nowhere.

And of course that’s if we’re going the emotional route. Because I enjoy the way vampirism is portrayed in True Blood I usually draw comparison between the two of them because with True Blood it’s about losing their capacity for emotion through immortality

and it depends on the age of the vampire.

Godric is 2000 years old and just done with the world, he’s over it, it’s just time to die

Eric is 1000 years old and is super uninterested and bored, nothing really excites him anymore (except Sookie and getting a rise out of Bill) but he’s not over living yet

Bill is over 200 years old and he’s doing his best to remain as human as possible

Jessica JUST turned and she’s in this everything is new, I’m going to live forever, this is awesome phase

Then you have characters like Russell, I’m not sure how old he is, who just want to eat humans and subjugate the world to vampires

And then you have TVD where they legit just act like humans who sometimes have super neat tricks.

#goblin: the lonely and great god #the vampire diaries #buffy the vampire slayer #true blood #stefan salvatore #kim shin #wang yeo #angel #spike #buffy summers #stelena #kim shin x eun tak #eun tak x kim shin #kdrama

[martinlawless]

National Masters Circuit Race Championship 2021. Age Category 45-49 Race.

British Cycling, National A Race E1234 Leicester Cycle Circuit Sunday 4 July 2021

The National Masters Circuit Race Championships… a chance to win a proper National jersey for the year as recognition by British Cycling. There are separate category races in 5-year bands from 30+. Men and Women.

This year is my last in the 45-49 year band. Everyone’s UCI birthday is 1st Jan, so I’ll be 50 next year on the final bong from Big Ben. I did this race two years ago and really enjoyed the event and scene. So I made it a priority to sign up to this one early on and focus in on it.

The race would be on the Leicester Cycle Circuit. I’d never been there before. Turns out to be a very good 1km loop. Tarmac quality excellent and good safe run-offs onto grass (take note Colchester). It’s not technical, really. Though racing makes things technical. A simple circuit means more speed. More speed means more reaction times required on challenges and opportunities that appear in the bunch. And, as ever, the wind and weather makes a virtual hill - turning a stretch into a danger zone that can challenge riders and generate a split. The course is dumbbell shaped, with the northern loop being tighter than the southern one. The northern one rises a bit too.

I set off in the car in very good time. I didn’t have anything to hold back for and get there to see teammate Chris in his 40-44 category race. His field is smaller than ours. Maybe 25 riders. It’s a tough race. Chris goes heroic and into the first break of four from the gun. Hauled in and blitzed, he finds it hard to stick at the back recovering while fresh breaks occur. It’s a reminder to me that in my 75 mins race there will be several attacks. If I find myself in a break, it has to be decisive - or I’m bailing out back to the bunch. I’ll burn up easily otherwise.

I’ve got my crit wheels on. New second-hand Dura-Ace C35 tubular wheels. Ramped up to 110psi just to feel extra bad-ass. Super quick and nippy. I sign in. Pin up. I nearly forget to put on the transponder, which would be a disaster. There’s a good chance of a heavy shower, but it’s warm. So race suit only. Becoming less racy with every wash. Factor 50 suncream. I love my Koo eyewear, but for close-quarters crit stuff, I prefer my “100%” wraparounds that give me brilliant peripheral vision and eyes in the back of my head. I feel like a bit of a doofus Daft Punk wannabe. But - hey, safety first. I do a regular back garden workout. I always add in stretching around the neck and shoulders in simulation of the constant need to look around you in a tight race. I should do pilates and yoga as I get older too.

I have a good little chat with James from Cinnamon-Contour. He’s bandaged up like Roglic having had a crash in the sprint at Hillingdon in one of the rehearsal races last week. I’m impressed he’s back. I also bump into Chris from Verulam. I’m confident he’ll do well. The course suits his atomic finishing sprint power. He finished 3rd in one of the rehearsal races. Other than that, I don’t really know anyone - jut a few of the usual faces and backsides. It’s a good thing: it means the race is bringing in people from all regions - not just the south and east. I hear all sorts of accents. I’m concerned by how fit looking some of these old boys appear!

Our race is the most popular. I’m unsure why, but I have a theory it’s because mid-life crisis is peaking as people get to 50. One last chance to pretend to be Sam Bennett, Cav or Caleb.

This is a proper British Cycling event. The briefing is more stringent than the usual “rock-up with a banana and go” race. This adds nicely to the drama ahead. It feels significant. Points go down to 15th place. The top-third will score today. I am in a bit of a downward points spiral from my current 2nd Cat licence. The points started late this season - early races were zero-points post-COVID. And now I can’t see where I’ll get them from. I simply can’t find the time or BC events. To be honest though: a gentle relegation into 3rd Category doesn’t bother me at all. I’ll have more options to race.

There’s always something to forget or nearly forget. It’s a gel at the start this time. But I remember in time on the start line. I will have another halfway I reckon. I put my finger on my Wahoo to ensure I don’t forget to start the all-important Strava. We have two neutralised laps behind the car to get used to the bends and we’re released.

It’s a steady start. I expect we are all mostly unfamiliar with the course and each other and just want to walk into this one. Eventually, there’s a break and the peloton cranks up.

In a rather unconventional prep, I’d ridden a Hilly TT the Sunday before, a Zwift crit Monday, a tired chaingang Tuesday. Then did the Fred Whitton loop in the Lake District on Thursday with three friends. I’m unsure 110 miles featuring the toughest ascents in England, three sleeps before a short high energy effort, is in any training manual. After the Fred, I did not turn a pedal. I was unsure where my legs would be. In the first few laps I’m relieved to feel they are fine. A sports massage helped. In fact, I feel good. The Fred had raised my pain threshold it felt. When asked to dig deep, it was no problem.

I’m pleased to be lolling around the top third or so in the bunch. The first break gets a third of a lap gap. But the bunch aren’t really bothered. All the same, there’s always a rider or two getting frustrated about the lack of coherence in hauling them in. The laws of physics prevail, and the first break fizzles out eventually.

I can hear Chris cheer me on each lap which is motivating. I concentrate on my line, holding it, seizing gaps where possible and generally keeping my nose clean. As expected, I don’t feel I can be in a small break. I just need to watch out for a big split. I can feel this isn’t going to happen though after a while.

The wind is a bit tasty. As much as it’s valuable to look at those big flags you get at events for the direction, you can’t beat throwing a bit of grass up in the air before a race for the truth.

It gets tight at times. This Leicester doesn’t feel that wide. I go onto the grass on one lap to avoid a clash. In these situations you don’t panic, just glide back on and everything is all right. I get a good backside push on another lap. No problem. ‘On your left’, ‘On your right’. All the good calls you want in a race. No daft riding here which was appreciated.

A second break is brought in. Then on 37 minutes, the decisive break from Ian, who everyone seemed to fear, was made. He would take another rider with him and the bunch would let him go pretty easily.

The last laps approach and the race dynamic changes. The bunch gets top heavy as people prepare for the sprint. The last few laps are very twitchy. We are wide across the lane and very tight as everyone jostles for the sprint. I find myself in the middle of the bunch at times and hate it: locked in shoulder to shoulder. There’s few oohs and aaahs as riders barge each other. I see one rider barged and he has to unclip to save himself. He skips along the road on foot at 30mph+ and re-clips without losing too much momentum. It’s impressive control regained. I can see Verulam Chris inching forward. I want to keep on his wheel but the way through is blocked. It’s always remarkable how you might have a few laps to make a simple move up a few bike lengths - yet it’s just not doable. Stuck.

Into the final lap and final bend, it’s high speed but I’ve got something extra in the tank to give. I am forced wide if I’m to apply any sprint. This puts me out of the draught, and I lose momentum, but I gain a clean run. My sprint is OK. I can hold a decent effort for 10 seconds, albeit I won’t be strong enough to gain ground. The front of the tight sprint pulls away while I come in just off the back of it but ahead of the string of others behind.

I replay the last moments over and over. It’s hard to see what else I could have done except to maybe find more confidence in my endurance to move up and hold a premium position early on. I eventually scan the data. I’m 21st and ahead of me are many names I know to be strong. I’m happy with that.

I return to the car park and change. I have a good post-race chat with Chris. He has crazy high power and he’ll smash a race soon, with a bit of luck, choosing the right break. I decide to have a peep at the Cat 3-4 race going on after ours. As I rock up, there’s a crash at the most basic point of the course. Four riders down. Three get back up gingerly, one a lot slower. I’m thankful our race ended safe and well. Take out the neutralised laps and our race is well over 27mph average. Dynamic and speedchess-like reactions required at all times.

Tired of sugary things, I crave salt, so stop off at the nearby McDonalds on the way back. The most biblical thunderstorm kicks off in the drive-thru. I wonder what would have happened to our race in such conditions. As I carefully navigate the motorway with Lance Armstrong’s ‘The Move’ on Spotify, I wonder if they black flag circuit races for lightning as we all go around a big open field sat on quite metallic things.

I think about next year’s Masters and take a look at the results for this year’s 50-54 category. I’m slightly disappointed to see names of strong riders I know struggle to reach the points. It’s a useful reminder that it never gets easier - we just get older.

Strava link: https://www.strava.com/activities/5574763935

[sapphicspaceknight]

Fairy Lights and Saturday Nights

okay so this is kinda angsty so you’ve been warned, but I wanted to contribute to the Pinkberry tag, so this is what I have for you all! This takes place in their senior year (like halfway thru it :) I hope you guys enjoy!! - 💕queen 💕

Saturday nights for Chloe and Brooke had been a ritual since they’d met. They would grab Pinkberry to-go, rent a movie from the Red Box nearby, and then head back to Chloe’s place where they would curl up on the brunette’s bed and watch the movie as they ate the frozen yogurt from their favorite place in the world. It was sacred to the two girls, something that was just for them.

Junior year had flown by, the whole getting drugged at the play made it go by much faster somehow, and senior year was going by quicker than the two would’ve thought. They were only a semester away from leaving high school behind and moving on with their lives. It scared both of them, but they made sure not to let the other catch onto the hidden fears.

Brooke didn’t know what she was going to do with her life. Her grades were average and the only extracurricular activity she did was drama club. She didn’t exactly want to go to some big college, believing a simple community college would suit her much better. She watched as her friends sent in applications to colleges, some far away and some instate. The blonde would congratulate them once they did it. She was happy for them, they were ready to move on.

She was not.

Brooke had watched as Chloe sent her applications away, nearly all of them being out of state colleges, and congratulated her with a pained smile. She was proud of her best friend, but she wasn’t ready to give her up yet. She wasn’t ready to let her go. The blonde was afraid of the future, what her life would be like without Chloe by her side.

There would be no more Pinkberry, there would be no more Red Box movies, no more cuddling as they made stupid comments as the movie played, no more joyrides in her mom’s car, and no more late night talks on Facetime where they would bid their goodbyes with ‘I love you’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’.

It made Brooke tear up every time she thought about it. The blonde wasn’t ready to say goodbye to all of that. But she had to let Chloe go, the brunette was ready to move on. To leave New Jersey along with Brooke behind. The blonde would be a distant memory as the brunette moved on in life.

Without her best friend she would be alone.

Chloe had spent days and nights contemplating if she was ready to leave. She was scared of not being good enough and getting kicked out of school or failing at what career path she wishes to take. She was so scared of growing up and having to face the real world. She was 18 and she was having to make a decision that would determine the rest of her life.

The brunette wasn’t ready to take the next step of her life. Sure she had a few more months of high school, but after that… she’d be packing and getting ready for the long road ahead. Chloe still wanted to be young and stupid with some of the decisions she made. She wanted to be a kid while she still could.

She wanted to spend her Saturdays with Brooke as they talked about anything and everything they could think of as they held one another’s hand, Chloe’s fairy lights dimly lighting her room. She wanted to continue to instagram their adventures together as they tried to discover the ultimate Pinkberry combination. Chloe wanted to continue to be with her best friend.

Chloe was scared, and Chloe Valentine was rarely scared of anything, but the future was uncertain. She didn’t know when she would see Brooke depending on what college she was going to go to and she didn’t know if they would be able to have anymore Saturday nights once she goes away.

Chloe didn’t want to lose her best friend, she didn’t want to lose the most important person in her life.

She couldn’t just say goodbye to her world, the person she was (secretly) in love with, without destroying herself in the process.

Without her best friend she would be lost.

–

Saturday rolled around again and the two girls were in Pinkberry, ready to begin their weekly ritual.

Chloe watched as Brooke squinted at the menu (even though both of them had it memorized by now) and tapped her lips. The blonde was deep in thought and Chloe smiled at it. Finally Brooke ordered some odd combination of berry flavored frozen yogurts. Chloe had went with a simple mixture of chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.

They got back into Brooke’s mom’s car and drove to the nearest Red Box. Brooke had reached her hand to grab Chloe’s in her own as she squeezed it and held onto it. Chloe smiled and gave a gentle squeeze back. They held hands until they pulled up to the red machine, letting go only to get out of the blue car. They then bantered back and forth over what movie they wanted to watch.

“But Chlo, we watched a horror movie last time!”

“Your point?”

“I’m just saying, I think I should get to pick the movie this time,” Brooke said, tugging on Chloe’s jacket sleeve.

Chloe looked at Brooke’s pouting face and crumbled as she sighed and nodded.

“Fine, but we are not watching another Barbie movie.”

“Oh stop, I know you secretly love them,” Brooke smirked at Chloe as she went and picked out a rom-com.

Chloe rolled her eyes, but smiled. They paid for the movie and let it dispense before they resumed their positions in the car and began the drive over to Chloe’s house. Brooke grabbed the brunette’s hand once more and let her thumb stroke the back of it. Chloe stared at the thumb, watching as it went back and forth. She bit her lip.

10 minutes of silence passed until they finally pulled into Chloe’s long driveway. Brooke parked and as she was turning off the car, Chloe spoke up.

“Brooke?”

“Mhm?”

“Do you ever think about what’s going to happen after school ends? Between us?” Chloe looks off after she finishes her sentence.

The thumb on her hand stops its movement and Chloe feels the warm hand go stiff. She looked over to Brooke and saw as the other girl’s smile fell.

“I think about it every single day Chlo, everyday I see you I think about it. About you leaving and not coming back. About how Saturday will become just another day. About how I’ll just become…” The blonde didn’t finish.

Brooke had a sad smile on her face, Chloe noticing it as the blonde looked over to her. She placed her other hand atop of Chloe’s and patted it.

“But let’s not worry about that and just enjoy tonight okay? We only have so many of these left,” Brooke said, quickly turning off the car and leaving Chloe alone in it.

The brunette watched her friend make her way into her home and she let out a shaky breath. Brooke was just as scared as she was. But scared about different things. She reeled herself back in and got out of the car and made her way into her house.

–

Hours into the Saturday night, the girls had changed into pajamas and curled up on Chloe’s bed, turning on the movie. They hadn’t spoken of their brief conversation in the car, but it was on both of their minds. The two girls sat next to each other, Brooke’s head resting on Chloe’s shoulder and Chloe’s arm around Brooke’s back. The movie played and they would make comments now and then, but things seemed more tense than usual.

The minutes passed and the credits eventually appeared on screen. Neither made a move to exit out of the finished movie, allowing the computer screen to go black before eventually shutting down. The two remained still and listened to the quiet breathing that filled the silent room.

Chloe’s fairy lights shined gently, casting a warm glow over them. On the wall underneath the lights were pictures of the two girls together. The one farthest to the left was one of them in 6th grade, when they first met, and the one farthest to the right was of them not even two weeks before. In between were random pictures from throughout the years. One was of Brooke lounging on top of her mom’s car in a field near Chloe’s house, as she pointed at the sky. Another was of the two of them at Pinkberry, feeding each other spoonfuls of frozen yogurt.

Chloe took a deep breath as she thought of the pictures on her wall. She let the breath out, hearing it was shaky. She felt Brooke nuzzle into her shoulder. The brunette closed her eyes.

“Brooke I’m terrified of what’s going to happen after senior year. I don’t know where I’m going to end up and I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at where I do go. I’m so scared of leaving everything behind. Of leaving you behind. You don’t understand how much you mean to me. I’m so scared of the future and I’m even more scared that I’m not going to see you in it. I want you in it Brooke. You’re my whole world, my ride or die, the only one who knows how to put up with me. How can I say goodbye to that?” Chloe rambled, squeezing her eyes tighter as she felt tears slip down her cheeks.

Brooke closed her eyes as she listened to Chloe, feeling her heartbreak towards the end and let a few tears slip down her cheek. She bit her lip as the brunette continued.

“Honestly, I don’t care if this is the worst time to say this but Brooke, I want you in my life forever. But not as my friend or my best friend, but as maybe something more? I care about you so much Brooke, more than all of the froyo flavors at Pinkberry and more than anything on my phone-” Chloe let out a small, teary laugh before continuing, “- I want you as something more Brooke. I want to be selfish and have you as mine.” Chloe finished, tears slipping down her cheeks.

The glow from the fairy lights continued to shine. It shined as Brooke’s head lifted from Chloe’s shoulder and it shined as she put a hand to her mouth and let out a silent sob. The lights shined as Brooke’s eyes widened and she got off of Chloe’s bed. They shined as she looked back at Chloe, the brunette’s eyes full of sadness and confusion as the blonde shook her head. The lights shined as Chloe tearfully sobbed out as Brooke ran away.

The glow continued to shine as Chloe cried in the dark, alone on a Saturday night.

–

A week passed and the two girls didn’t talk to each other. Chloe became colder and more vicious than she’s ever been. No one dared to go up to her, not even Jake. Jenna decided against spreading gossip for this incident, in fear of having her life ending short.

Brooke was resigned and navigated her way through the halls unnoticed and made sure not to come in contact with Chloe. She wasn’t sure why she ran. It was sudden and she didn’t know how to respond, and it overwhelmed her. She knows she probably shouldn’t of, but to have your best friend tell you she wanted something more? It was a lot to take in and Brooke needed time.

Chloe wasn’t mad, she was just… hurt. Very hurt. She knows she shouldn’t of thrown it on Brooke how she did, but at the same time Brooke didn’t have to run. She could’ve just talked to her. Something other than run. Chloe had spent the past week building up her defense system, becoming cold and callous to everyone.

It wasn’t until Saturday rolled around that Brooke truly felt the ache in her heart. She had sat at Pinkberry for an hour, waiting for someone who wasn’t coming. The workers gave her concerned looks, offering her free froyo. She ate 4 cups before driving off.

Once again she felt her heart break as she absentmindedly pulled in front of the Red Box. Resting her forehead onto her steering wheel, she cried. She cried for what she lost and who she lost. She cried because she didn’t think her and Chloe’s Saturday nights would be over so soon. She pulled herself together with a few deep breaths and decided she needed to fix things.

She drove with a purpose as she made her way to Chloe’s house in record speed, making a stop beforehand. She drove up the long driveway and she parked. The blonde quickly ran up to Chloe’s door and banged her right hand on the wood.

“Chloe Valentine!” She shouted, ringing the doorbell twice.

A minute passed before the door swung open, a disheveled brunette stood in front of her. Brooke looked at her best friend and felt as the tears fell down her cheeks and she slammed herself into Chloe. She wrapped her arms around the brunette and hugged the tall girl.

Chloe stood there, her hand still on the door as Brooke hugged her. She didn’t know what to do, she was still kind of mad at the blonde, but she missed the other girl. She felt the debate in her head before she finally wrapped her arms around Brooke. The blonde clung to Chloe’s shirt as she calmed her tears.

Brooke backed off and smiled up at the girl. She quickly apologized as she ran back to the blue car and grabbed two cups of Pinkberry before running back to Chloe.

“Can we talk and enjoy another one of our special Saturday’s? Please?” Brooke asked, stretching out the fro-yo.

Chloe looked between the two cups and Brooke, she sighed and accepted one of the cups. Brooke smiled as she walked in. They walked up to Chloe’s room, and shut the door. They ate their froyo and shared awkward glances. When they finished, Brooke was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry for running last week. I was just… overwhelmed and I was scared because I don’t know what to do with my emotions sometimes. You already know how many times I’ve been hurt in the past Chlo. And you telling me all that scared me. It scared me because I feel the same way about you. I’ve been scared of what will happen after senior year because I’m afraid of what I’m going to be without you. You make me better Chloe. I mean- now you do, after the whole ecstasy scare and shit. But Chloe, I’m yours in every way you’ll have me.” Brooke grabbed Chloe’s hand after she finished.

Chloe looked at the shorter girl and smiled. She pulled the other girl into her and kissed the blonde. She put one of her hands on the back of Brooke’s neck and the other on her cheek. Brooke smiled as she let herself kiss back, placing her hands on Chloe’s hips. They parted for a second before their lips met once more, smiles on both of their faces. They parted with a few short kisses before they laid down facing each other.

Brooke ran her hand gently through Chloe’s hair and Chloe had wrapped her arms around Brooke’s waist. Their lips met more than once as they simply stared at each other, talking about everything they could. They smiled and laughed and eventually just cuddled up with each other and closed their eyes.

It had become dark and Chloe’s lights were off, all except the gentle glow of her fairy lights. The light continued to shine as the two girls fell asleep in each other’s arms, at peace with what their future may hold because now they know they’ll always have one another.

#be more chill #bmc #be more chill the musical #chloe valentine #brooke lohst #pinkberry #fics #queen writes #queen posts #angst #kinda? #i love this ship :) #cubby was the one who gave me the prompt line thingy to start this #its the only line in italics #ty cubby ily

[saiblln]

Story of Sai: A Two-Time Cancer Survivor

By Marisse Lee

Sai Belloan, a young lady aged 21, is one of those souls I happened to meet by serendipity in the virtual world of Facebook. A twist of fate, I would like to call it that way.

If you check out her FB profile she would strike you as just another normal young woman who likes Game of Thrones and, most likely, has a crush on Kit Harington (lol, now, who wouldn’t anyway?); dogs; Justin Bieber (oh go and love yourself); Friends(again, who wouldn’t?); and must have, once recently, fall madly in love with K-Drama(Korean drama TV series) and the Ken-doll like Korean actors. Pretty much like everyone in her age in this country, I bet.

She is blessed with a lovely face and a lovely family. She is the youngest of two siblings borne from a family who earns their living from manufacturing shoes and bags. She was, therefore, living a normal and comfortable life until this huge challenge came along in her life at the age of 15.

She was afflicted with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The Mayo clinic described it as: “a cancer of the lymphatic system, which is part of your immune system. In Hodgkin’s lymphoma, cells in the lymphatic system grow abnormally and may spread beyond the lymphatic system. As Hodgkin’s lymphoma progresses, it compromises your body’s ability to fight infection.” Its symptoms include fever, night sweats and weight loss and oftentimes, the presence of a non-painful enlarged lymph nodes in the neck, under the arm or in the groin area. Feeling tired and itchiness may be felt by those affected with this type.

In Sai’s case, the symptoms consisted of itchy skin, persistent dry cough for 3 months (the phlegm was laced with blood in the latter stage), fatigue and a lump in her neck that was biopsied (via sample taken thru needle-aspiration) but with negative result. However, after surgery and another biopsy, the lump turned out as positive. She went through a treatment consisting of 4 cycles of chemotheraphy. Note that HL type of cancer has a high survival rate especially in the case of young patients. She recovered and was cancer-free for the next 4 years. She graduated valedictorian from high school and went to University of Sto. Tomas to study BS Finance. She was enjoying a carefree life like any teenager…but, BOOM! Just like that, cancer re-appeared.

Everyone had, one time or another, a brush with pain and sorrow. We all learn to deal with it, let go and then move on. However, nothing will ever prepare for anyone to have another tryst with the same demon. That would be devastating to say the least. You already looked this devil in its eyes. You weathered the storm…and yet, it is back. Staring you in the face.

Initially, Sai worried that she might undergo stem-cell-transplant, a treatment that is being touted as highly effective in treating cancer cases (I have different un-expert opinion on this matter but it is irrelevant to discuss it here so let us save that for another day) but it is quite expensive in the Philippines (approximately $50,000 or more). Fortunately (financially speaking), her doctors put her under the first-line-of-defense treatment which means she had to undergo 6 cycles of chemotheraphy to get rid of the cancer cells.

A trip to the hospital for each cycle which is equivalent to 2 sessions is a “trip to hell”according to Sai. She was in constant pain. What with being poked by needles so many times to insert the IV-line…when a battered vein refused to take in the meds, they will simply poke another one to go on with the treatment. I will never understand how a 21-year old was able to handle all that. But she did. After each session, she would hurt from the side effects of chemotherapy: bone/muscle/body pains, shortness of breath and soreness of veins. Alongside with that, she had suffered “moon face” (steroids side effect), uncontrolled eating and insomnia. But, thanks to God, she is, again, in remission – free from cancer once more.

Now, why the heck am I writing this story? Well, people, cancer is not just like having a flu, recovering from it, then going back to your routine. NOT AT ALL. Sai was in college when her HL cancer recurred. She was building her dreams…looking forward to finishing school because she remembered how happy and proud her parents were when her older sister graduated from the university. She wanted to make them proud of her also. A typical dream of a child who dreamed of somehow paying back their folks’ sacrifices. She hoped to get ahead in life as that is what we were raised to do. One has to make a place under the sun. Cancer provided her a choice-less choice but to quit school.

She is cured, yes…still, she lives life with Damocles sword over her head afraid that the cancer may recur a third time. She is scared of having dreams for herself again because one day she might wake up losing them once more. She worried about her parents because they are getting old and she would not like to see them earning and putting up money for her treatment. She posted a long recount of her cancer tale on 22 July 2017 putting up a brave face against this odd…what she did not tell you much about is that she lives everyday like someone near a cliff…anxious, frightened to fall in that abyss.

Cancer changes a person. It makes you brave because you have no other recourse but to embrace courage. It makes you treasure life more because you have tasted what it is to almost lose it. It makes you cherish the people in your life because you are not sure how long is your time to share and spend with them. Nonetheless, at the same time, you always live with fear…less for yourself but more for the people you love and might leave behind. It is a harrowing tale that will continue to unfold every day of her life. It will take a very long while for her body to completely recover and regain back its maximum health…it will probably take double that time for Sai to be completely confident that things will be really okay.

She is thankful for the friendships she gained (strangers and otherwise) while she has been going through this challenge. Misery loves company, true. It may be “misery” but, from there, compassion and love bloom that only show our humanity in the face of adversity.

Right now, she is taking her time to recover. She would have wanted to go back to school right away to avoid the additional two years (thus, additional expenses) she may incur as a result of the implementation of K-12 Program in the Philippines. However, I tried to reason out with her that there are more important things other than college education…and that, at this time, priority should be given to her health; it, being given back to her for yet another chance. I love to mention here that Sai learned watercolor drawing by herself from the YouTube University (pun intended) while she was sick. When I asked her the other day what is she keeping herself busy with, she said: “Painting my bedroom.” Oh, the kid must be doing a Michelangelo on her ceiling, who knows?

She also continue to share stories of her friends that are still battling with cancer and seeking financial assistance in the hope that by sharing their posts she might be able to help find a charitable soul who may be willing to extend help. She established a Facebook group for HL and non-HL cancer patients which you can find through this link https://m.facebook.com/groups/1465490123521821.

Lastly, Sai never lost her faith that God is there for her and her family.

My goal in writing her story is not to educate you about cancer. Google can provide you with tons of information if you would like to read about it…neither am I seeking pity and consolation from you although understanding and compassion is very much welcome. If you are reading this, I am knocking at the door of love and kindness that reside in your heart, please hear my prayers:

1) I am begging you to show support to people who are suffering from cancer by sharing their stories especially those who are in need of financial assistance…that is the least we can do. By doing such, perhaps our efforts might lead to someone who has the means to help. It is shooting in the dark, yes, but who knows an arrow might find its way to the right heart.

2) If the cancer-patient is selling items to raise the money required for their treatment, we can either patronize his/her product or, again, help in the selling campaign (I do not have to remind you, though, to check authenticity of any such campaign before diving into it…Heaven knows how the Internet works these days).

3) If you have the financial means, kindly donate to their Go-Fund-Me

4) If none at all, sincere prayers will do. Humans are beings made of energy. Prayers are energy. You get the picture.

Having said that, please start with Ramon Christopher “Casi” Ramos Burgos. He is Sai’s friend…another soul suffering from non-HL cancer that she happened to befriend in the cancer community. Originally, we intended to write a story for Casi but he has been confined in the hospital and not available to provide details that we need. By sharing Sai’s story, you will be sharing Casi’s battle with cancer as well. If you are able, please check his Go-Fund-Me at https://www.gofundme.com/2ce3sqdw. Your financial help, whatever the amount, will be most appreciated.

Or, if you are interested in ordering cancer-awareness t-shirts, you can check this link to place your order https://www.facebook.com/iamcasimon/posts/1592362204139378.

PLEASE, I BEG YOU…share Sai’s story (and by that, sharing Casi’s plea) or kindly re-post Casi’s Go-Fund-Me link or help him raise the US$50,000 (it only has $500 so far, a loooooong way to go) by promoting the sale of his t-shirts. A simple click, a simple share is all we are asking from you. Maybe somehow, somewhere it would get result.

#hodgkins lymphoma #non hodgkins lymphoma #lymphoma #survivor #cancer #cancersurvivor #gofundme

[springtear]

2019-01-14

days before his too-formal request took place, reenie had had a dream. with heavy steps, she walked toward the door the maid had opened; gabriel was there, and his smile was fake, she noted. with each step, each glance at him, it seemed her heart was tearing apart slowly.

indeed, he’d become distant as of late. up until his birthday in november 2018, they had enjoyed a heart-fluttering relationship, almost like that of a romantic movie. reenie and gabriel often when on dates to pricey restaurants and ended the night drunk on expensive white wine, many times making love and waking up to have breakfast while adoring the outstanding view of the city from reenie’s penthouse. though the richness of their relationship laid within, of course — gabriel loved her as much as she loved him, perhaps he loved her more; and this was draining him, maybe. but it wasn’t her fault; it was nobody’s fault. sometimes relationships get worn out, like clothes or articles of any type that you handle and fumble way too much when you shouldn’t. reenie didn’t quite feel worn out herself, but gabriel was, though not visibly. so, reenie did not notice the teeny shift in their relationship.

during his past birthday, nothing out of ordinary had taken place — well, not in the eyes of reenie. for gabriel, a new window had been opened. that evening was spent at gabriel’s apartment with guests from different areas of his life, though mostly they were colleagues. also not out of the ordinary was lux’s attendance, which was a bit unpleasant for both reenie and gabriel; luckily, lux had come with a friend who distracted her enough from causing drama. when reenie went to the restroom at some point during the evening and came back to the living room, she saw gabriel enthusiastically chatting with lux’s friend — reenie did not find this odd at all, so she approached them; but when she did so, the vibe between them shifted, suddenly becoming awkward. the girl, whose name reenie later on learned was scarlet, was slightly shorter than her, skinnier, had angelical features and long dark brown hair. it was at some point during the night when their eyes encountered that she knew there was something eerie about her, something that felt like a threat on a deep level. reenie was not jealous, she was frightened, for a moment, as she locked eyes with scarlet — eyes that seemed to turn wholly pitch-black. the threat of scarlet’s presence was enough for reenie to disregard completely the most evident threat posing over her nose; scarlet was not there by accident.

the coming weeks, reenie sent one of her trusted private detectives to  investigate scarlet. there was not much he could find out as the girl, though korean of ethnicity, had not been born in south korea, so there were no records of her in this country. the detective also told reenie that scarlet was just settling in seoul, living alone in a rented apartment in a middle-class area of seoul. from pictures he’d taken of her, it could be seen that she frequented herbal shops — this gave reenie a better idea on who or what she could be.

after a month of reenie’s detective following scarlet around and not finding out anything else that could be of importance, she thanked him for his work and informed him she wouldn’t need any more of his services. during that month, reenie was so intrigued about scarlet that she had seemed to forget about gabriel’s (or anybody else’s) existence. on his part, gabriel was far too entertained chatting day and night via text messaging with scarlet; like a puppet, he was being pulled by scarlet to serve a greater purpose, but such a thing never even crossed his mind — for gabriel, he was simply re-encountering a friend from his childhood, a friend he had liked a lot back then, but whom he couldn’t date as he was far too troubled by his situation with lux. also in his mind, his late night chats with scarlet were innocent things; he was not doing anything wrong, was he?

a month later, gabriel, who had not spent new year’s eve with reenie, was calling her, asking her out for dinner. what was coming was no surprise for neither of them — they weren’t speaking like before, they hadn’t talked for almost two weeks as gabriel had not the decency to reply to reenie’s messages or would reply with blatant lies, poor excuses. when he called her asking her out, she chuckled and questioned him whether a dinner was really necessary, but agreed on it anyway as it’d perhaps be the last.

neither had said a single word during their thirty-minute drive to the restaurant, and when they were already settled at the table gabriel had reserved, they started eating and drinking wine without saying anything, though perhaps it is more appropriate to say reenie was only poking at her food with the fork — of course, she could not eat. a day ago, when gabriel asked her out, she thought this would be easier, but now that he was in front of him, looking at him, at that face she had kissed for so many years, she couldn’t stand it, a knot formed inside her throat, it almost felt as though she could not breathe. gabriel noticed this; he had been eating, though without really an appetite at all, chewing on the food and swallowing it like a puppet, or a body that needs the nourishment in order to survive, but that is not able to enjoy it. gabriel put down his fork.

“please, eat something,” he begged reenie.

with a slight, almost unnoticeable frown, reenie did not manage to respond and she sat frozen in place, hands holding the knife and fork lifeless by the sides of her plate. she finally set them down on the table and simply grabbed the glass filled with white wine — tonight would most likely not end up like most nights for them, and she needed the alcohol to help her get thru.

“out of all things, i think having dinner together is the less appropriate for what’s to come from your mouth, gabriel,” she gulped down more than half of the content from her glass and set it down. “so, go on, just spit it already. i thought i’d be able to sit here and watch you—watch us eat as if nothing happened, but i can’t. so, go on, speak.”

it was gabriel who then set knife and fork on the table, picking up the napkin to clean the corners of his mouth. it was difficult to bring himself to look at reenie directly in the eye, so he hesitated and the incessant chatter of people speaking and laughing around them made them feel as though they were on a pit, like a rock sinking, sinking, sinking. gabriel sighed and reenie finished the contents of her glass, signaling the waiter to refill her glass, to which he did so obediently and with a smile. but reenie did not look at the waiter, not even once — her eyes were glued to gabriel’s filthy face, plastered with lies the past month, trying to hide the ever so evident truth from her. there was so much rage within her she could barely feel her sadness anymore.

“i’m sorry, reenie,” he finally managed to mutter, and struggled to find the next words. but reenie was impatient, burning inside.

“sorry about what, exactly?” with one arm crossed over her stomach, the other holding her glass up, she squinted at him.

“i did you wrong. i’ve—” gabriel shook his head in frustration. he also couldn’t believe what he was about to blurt out. “i’ve fallen for another. i’m sorry.”

suddenly, all anger left reenie’s body and only a freezing sadness was left in place. she felt empty, cold and miserable, the little alcohol she had had dizzying her already as she had previously eaten nothing. rushing thoughts passed thru her mind and it was hard to pick just one for her to articulate; her lips parted as if to make a sound, but none was made. gabriel blinked too many times in a few seconds and his eyes filled with tears just as reenie set the glass on the table, almost on top of the fork; she was trembling. this had been so much easier in her imagination, but the shock of it seemed to be hitting her just now.

“please, say something,” gabriel pleaded and reached for her hand over the tablecloth, but she avoided his touch.

“i want to leave,” she murmured before quickly gathering her coat and purse and sprinting out of the place.

gabriel was only able to mutter ‘wait’ and leave cash over the table to pay for the dinner bill, after which he grabbed his coat too and chased after reenie.

“wait!” gabriel grabbed reenie by the forearm and made her face him. “we need to talk about this. i need you to... understand. i don’t want it to end like this for you.”

“understand? understand what? that you want to fuck another now? there’s nothing i need to understand about this! nothing! whatever you say, it will end badly for one of us, and it’ll clearly be me. you can’t change that, no matter what you say; it’s over, and it’s painful no matter what you say,” as reenie spat these words against his face, tears escaped her eyes and she struggled to let go of gabriel’s hold, and in the end did. she walked nowhere in particular and was again stopped by gabriel, who stood in her way and wrapped her arms around her.

“it’s cold, put your coat on, at least,” he said these words seemingly devoid of emotion, when in reality tears were also streaming down his cheeks. he dried it with the sleeve of his coat and sniffled.

“you’re gonna regret this, gabriel. you’re so gonna regret this,” reenie sunk her face into his chest and sobbed against it, grabbing onto his coat tight with her fists.

gabriel wrapped reenie’s coat around her shoulders and took her to his car, where they finally sat in silence for maybe half an hour, seeing people past by and cars park and go next to them. both had stopped crying, but reenie just wasn’t able to lift her eyes and look at him, she could only look at her hands and fingers, playing with them nervously.

“i wish there was a way of doing this that wouldn’t hurt you,” gabriel sighed and shook his head, holding onto the steering wheel as if that’d make him feel more in control of the situation.

“just take me home. i want to go home,” reenie’s voice faltered, she was trembling out of pure sadness. “i know it’s over... it’s over between us,” she cried silently whilst staring out the window, though in the end she had to cover her face because the pain was far deeper than anything else.

“don’t— don’t say it like that, i—” gabriel failed at finding the correct words to soothe her; he couldn’t even soothe his own troubled soul. he felt as though he were back to the unstable boy he was before he started a relationship with reenie, so he was scared. was it really worth it, ending this beautiful relationship with reenie, for someone he barely really knew? he gulped. “just... give me some time, alright? i… need a break to... think things through.”

“that’s bullshit, gabriel. if you came this far to ask me for some time, it only means— it only means you no longer love me,” reenie chuckled in the midst of her tears and couldn’t believe her own words: he no longer loved her. a sob escaped her before she opened the car door and stepped out of it, running toward the nearest car and getting on it. she had forgotten her coat in gabriel’s car, but not her purse. there was a man in the car she’d gotten into, her make-up was ruined from the tears as she opened her purse and offered him money. “please, take me home and away from that man,” she begged the stranger, who stared at the money and chuckled before starting the engine of the car.

“where to, miss?” the stranger man passed his phone to reenie, who typed her address in the phone’s gps. she did not mutter a word. “i won’t get nosy about what just happened to you, but i really hope you’re well, or that you can recover from whatever this is pretty soon,” the man spoke into the silence and darkness of the inside of the car. reenie seemed lifeless; she opened the car window, she needed air, lots of it, and the wind hitting her face felt just like what she needed. the man took a couple of glances at her and chuckled silently; she’s cute, he thought.

that night, she was dropped home safe and sound by the man whose name she never asked, and who didn’t accept the money she offered and kindly left her with a smile on his face.

the next weeks were spent in misery both by reenie and gabriel. true, gabriel had scarlet to keep him company, but somehow something did not feel right — perhaps he felt far too guilty for making someone like reenie suffer, someone who had accepted and loved him for who he truly was, someone who had made him so happy during a difficult time in his life; gabriel surely thought reenie deserved better than this. as for reenie, she had nobody to really take care of her, as marla was not in south korea during those days and she had no other friends she could entirely trust in. therefore, she decided to focus on work — she would work as many hours as her body and mental strength allowed her to, so much that by the end of the day she were so exhausted she’d have no time to think about gabriel; it worked on some days, but most days turned out hellish as there were not many clients in town, most of them celebrating new year’s far away from the country. nonetheless, within those hellish days, reenie gained a couple of new clients, among them a man of russian nationality and korean ethnicity, who had come to spent new year’s with his family in seoul — he had brought along his son as well. reenie had to look twice to realize the man’s son was the same stranger who had brought her home the night of her break-up with gabriel.

“my name’s vlad. tis a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” he stretched his hand to shake it with reenie’s, whose lips were at first parted in awe (both from the shock of seeing him again and from realizing how charming he actually was), though then quickly she switched it into an affable smile.

that night, the thought of gabriel didn’t make her too sad. instead, she wondered whether that vlad had come with his father to see her by mere coincidence, or if he actually had planned it all along, because he wanted to see her again. she shook her head and sighed, there was no use giving it much thought. after she fell asleep, she dreamed of scarlet — the girl left a message for reenie in her dream. maybe, just like reenie had feared, gabriel was in danger.

#sp.

[mccarsonsmind-blog]

Technology in my opinion is such a wonderful gift in today’s world. I don’t know how many times I’ve said that I would have loved to have the tech tools and toys we have today when I was growing up. I’m the nerd that has camped out at Apple Stores and always thinks I have to get the first of whatever new hot product is being released next, so when I say I’m really in to it, I’m not exaggerating. Unfortunately, when it comes to many things that go hand in hand with new phones, tablets, etc., I have very mixed or maybe even negative feelings. I guess my biggest complaint is the whole social media hype. Now please don’t take this out of context and know that I’m not hating on social media as a whole by any means and feel that as a whole, it’s been a great tool and if utilized correctly can produce some fantastic results in several aspects in the professional world as well as personally. Of course, with every great thing, there’s always a downside. The following are just a few ingredients that I feel contribute to the “downside” of social media and in some cases, have the potential to give the whole platform a negative stigma. These things that I speak of are not just my feelings or thoughts, they are real life experiences or extended observations and research. The first and probably more bothersome of the two negatives I find with the social media addiction is the many people who seemingly become instant advocates for the less fortunate or maybe they suddenly become a “voice” or spokesperson” for an injustice or atrocity that they recently read about via social media of course. Now I say instant advocates or spokesperson totally out of sarcasm and without any belief at all that these people would comprehend advocacy anyway. I’m talking about these people (we all know one or many) who see something sad, unfortunate, or maybe an injustice and make a comment or post something on their social media account in reference to whatever it may be. After doing this they get all of these likes and thumbs ups or whatever it is, basically they get patted on the back as if they just saved a small village from a pack of hungry lions. My question or complaint really is why? Why are people encouraging and cheering for someone who just made a comment about something sad or wrong. I mean of course most humans don’t enjoy seeing others suffer so when did a person become a hero for saying how sad it is for someone to be homeless or whatever it may be? This person is no hero at all!!! In fact, this person is worse than the person who says nothing about whatever it may be. My point is, if you want to do something to help and really feel bad about all the less fortunate the surrounds us everyday, next time your walking down the street posting about the sad homeless person, put your phone in your pocket and pull out some cash and give it to the homeless person you just walked by, looking the other way. I mean seriously people, stop encouraging this behavior. If you want to help or feel so passionate about something, donate or volunteer and REALLY make a difference. Practice what you preach, I guess is one way of putting it. You are NOT special because you posted a comment or reposted something referring to someone in need or in pain. You are NOT a hero and don’t deserve a pat on the back because you have done NOTHING! Now don’t misunderstand who I am speaking about. I’m not referring to the individuals who want to make the public aware of a tragedy or injustice, usually those people are not only bringing awareness but they are taking action or providing some type of assistance. I’m referring to the “false advocates” that ignore atrocity when exposed to it but will happily repost a comment about how sad it is. Stop encouraging these people!!! To encourage them or “like” their insincere comment is only saying that it’s okay to not actually do anything about the world’s issues because posting a comment about how sad it must be is basically just as good. One more thing on this, if you do decide to actually do something rather than write a comment, do it and keep it to yourself. Don’t post your good deed for everyone to see. Seriously, you will be rewarded one day, you don’t need all the attention and reassurance for doing something that we all should be doing anyway which is serving others when and if we are able to do so. Social media isn’t supposed to be a platform to boost or grow our egos and create false impressions of ourselves, at least I don’t think it is. For those that feel otherwise, I will enlighten you to this, you are only a hero and superstar in your own mind when it’s all said and done. The second behavior flaw that I’ve observed with social media is the false sense of popularity or hope that people get based on their social media account. Seriously, when people start believing that the number of “virtual friends” or “likes” they have determines their personal success or popularity in life is, for lack of a better term, just pathetic. Again, I say this from my own experiments on social media in addition to much observation and research. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t really believe at one time that I actually had over 1000 friends that really liked me and thought I was a cool guy, but I’m a realistic person who sees things for what they really are and not how they virtually are. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case with many. These people who have realistic and virtual lines blurred are often publicizing their relationship issues, personal problems, family drama, and information that should otherwise not be broadcasted to hundreds, thousands, and sometimes more, just depends on how dirty or how entertaining it might be. Here’s the thing, these aren’t just teenagers doing this, I’m talking about grown men and women, professional, educated people in many cases! Why can’t these people see that this behavior has so much potential to result in humiliation, heartbreak and often even more destructive consequences? I mean really?!? Does it take a genius to realize that the majority of your “virtual” friends probably hardly know you to start with and to disclose such personal and private information about yourself or your family’s life is nothing but entertainment or a reason for these people to pass judgement on you? Maybe I’m wrong, but it just doesn’t seem like that’s a healthy and productive way to overcome or solve one’s personal and private matters. Sure their going to get feedback, comments, and attention from doing this and maybe that’s what they are starving for and genuinely need, but they have to know that very little of the response they receive is sincere! I’m not saying it’s all bad and it doesn’t have it’s positive aspects in some rare circumstances. I’m speaking primarily about the single guy or girl who dates someone for a few days and posts about how they’ve met an angel and they’ve finally found the “one” so perfect! Within 30 days they are posting how they just can’t understand how anyone could be so hateful and mean and thoughtless, all men or women are spawns of satan and they’ve never been so hurt in their life, and they will never love again. Then the exact same scenario is often repeated many, many times over the years. I mean do people not see what they’re doing? If you are doing this and think that you aren’t being mocked and judged by all these “friends” you think you have, you are sadly mistaken. Here’s some free advice, just because you have a high number of friends in the virtual world does not, by any means, reflect that you have a high number of friends in the REAL world, and that is okay. Believe me one or two true friends is 1000x better than the hundreds of fake virtual friends! Just use good judgement on the material that you broadcast to the world and remember, not everyone is concerned about or cares about the same things that you care about and I assure you, your issues will work out just fine and without prejudice if you handle them with faith, prayer, and talk with your real friends in private. Your personal problems are called “personal” problems and not “public” problems for a reason. When you broadcast on social media, it goes from your personal problem to others entertainment or fun. It’s unfortunate but many people in our society find joy in hearing about others downfalls or mistakes. Don’t feed these people, let them watch the news or read a magazine at the grocery checkout to get their satisfaction. You are better than that and I promise you can get thru whatever it is your dealing with by praying, having faith in God, and leaning on the few real friends that God has blessed you with. Disclosure This is by no means a bash on social media or anyone who is on social media. Hopefully this article will be taken, not as an insult to those who participate on social media, but as a caution or wake up call to those who have a false sense of what social media is and more importantly what it has made you think you are or are not. I personally think there are many positive uses for social media such as business networking, public awareness, advertising, communicating, organizing, and providing information. There’s a fine line in some cases I guess, so don’t let that line get blurred.