#they’re certifiably insane about each other and each other is all they think about for 20 years

[jamietwat]

Time loop fic set during season 2 when Jamie’s back around but Roy isn’t coaching yet where it takes Jamie and Roy an embarrassing amount of do-overs before they finally realize they’re both caught in it because for days Jamie goes over to Keeley’s place and antagonizes Roy in basically the exact same way because he thinks making the same stupid old man jokes all the time is funny anyway and any slight changes in conversation he just assumes is because he showed up at a different time or worded his own end of the conversation a little differently but Roy’s still basically saying the same grumpy old man shit anyway

And Roy makes basically the same retorts every time because he stands by it and he assumes Jamie shows up at slightly different times looking for Keeley as a butterfly effect of his morning with Keeley being different but that there’s no escaping him showing up to be a little bitch at some point

And like they both sometimes tell people but not the same people on the same version of the day so Keeley individually thinks that both of them are losing it on different versions of the day before eventually they both mention it

And then on like day 5 of the same day over and over Jamie doesn’t show up and Roy is irrationally angry about it but thinks it must be somehow connected to the fact that he was acting absolutely insane with Keeley trying to explain what’s happening while she thought he was fucking with her and somehow that made her brush off Jamie and him not show up or something?

And it takes Jamie showing up at 100 and just tearing Roy apart and going on about what a dick he is (which isn’t unusual but isn’t how this routine goes) and weirdly fixating on how he was excited to meet Roy but then he ended up just being an old washed up prick that never even gave him a chance because Jamie figures he can just show up, yell at Roy for all the reasons he’s so fixated on being a little asshole with a grudge against Roy in particular to get it out of his system, and then never have to deal with any consequences of Roy finding out about the whole embarrassing having been a big fan and expecting it to be so cool to play on a team with him just to immediately get offended that Roy didn’t give a shit about him and his bullshit and so Jamie ended up hating him thing

But instead Roy just scowls at him and is like “that’s not what you’re supposed to say” and Jamie’s like “…what.” And Roy’s like I’ve done this day like ten times already and either I make Keeley think I’m certifiable first thing in the morning and you don’t show up or else you show up looking for her and then make the same completely uncreative old man jokes at me and Jamie’s like what the fuck I’ve been doing this same day over and over and you’ve been making the same shitty jokes that weren’t funny the first time over and over again

And Keeley’s just sitting there watching this like “Are you two fucking with me? I can’t believe you two got along long enough to plan whatever the fuck this is.” And honestly, the fact that she couldn’t imagine them ever getting along to plan this stupid joke and agree on it is the main reason she actually starts to believe them that time in an okay either I’ve completely lost it or you two are stuck in a time loop kind of way and when she starts going on about how every time loop movie there’s like a moral the person has to learn and maybe they’re both caught in it because they’re supposed to learn how to get along and be friends and Roy’s supposed to take Ted’s offer and that’s how Jamie finds out about the Ted trying to convince Roy to coach thing

But they’re both like fuck no absolutely not, that’s not it and I’d rather be stuck in this stupid fucking loop forever than voluntarily spend time with him let alone get along (as if Jamie hasn’t shown up to annoy him practically every version of the day and Roy hasn’t just been sitting there waiting for him every time) and then they actively avoid each other for like a week’s worth of versions of the same day before they start considering that Keeley might have been on to something but it still takes three more days of pointedly not seeking the other out and waiting for the other to give in first before they run into each other at Ted’s place anyway and finally start actually swapping information they’ve picked up from their loops and what they’ve tried changing to try to get out and discussing ways to try to get out of it while Ted’s just sitting there cracking jokes and making annoyingly similar to what Keeley said comments about how in time loop and body switch things it’s always that you have to learn to see things from another perspective and be nicer to someone you don’t usually see eye to eye with before you can get out (Ted doesn’t actually believe they’re stuck in a time loop though, he’s just going well weird hypothetical but I’ll play along if this almost certainly made up scenario is what it takes for them to have an actual conversation with each other)

#Roy’s going to be PISSED when he shows up agreeing to coach and start right then one of the versions of the day insisting he’s only doing #it to get out of the day or rule it out as the answer and instead he LOVES IT and then wakes up on the same fucking day anyway #So he not only has to admit that he actually wants to coach and other people were right but he’s also right fucking back again anyway #But he’s also still in his coach everyone but Jamie era at that point and he’s gonna have to not be before they get out #I have more thoughts but I am tired #Jamie not showing up actually had nothing to do with anything Roy or Keeley did he was just trying doing other shit #Might eventually write this as like a pair of fics in a series one from Roy’s pov and one from Jamie’s pov where their versions of the same #days get posted in the same chapters of each #This is another thing for the pile of things I might turn into something eventually #Ted Lasso #Jamie Tartt #Roy Kent #RoyJamie #Keeley Jones #Roy x Keeley x Jamie #Mine

[comradekatara]

okay i just finished reading the yangchen novels and i need someone to talk to me about yangchen/kavik 🙏 does it count as a rarepair because nobody has read the yangchen novels 😭

ikr there are like 5 yangvik fanfics on ao3 which is crazy you guys should be going insane over them. like it should NOT count as a rarepair it’s literally the central romance of these books and it’s hetero (hetroooo jessica that’s her name) how is it so unpopular. i mean kyoshi/rangi being popular is good tho bc i do love to see dykes winning but yangvik fucking rules i am sorry to say. like i think they might be more compelling than the lesbos i can’t believe i am saying that but.

they’re both so insane and in really similar ways (extreme younger sibling complex) and sooo smart and manipulative and scary it’s awesome. i love that yangchen is always making kavik her bitch and she refuses to admit that it’s because his skills are useful to her and she likes having him around so she’s always just like “im doing this to make you suffer >:D” and he fully believes her. and then once he’s finally fulfilled his contract (by literally getting stabbed for her) he’s like “ok well i think i am going to move back home and become a healer now” and she’s like “omggggg NOOOO you CANT go I NEED YOUUUU” like she simply did not consider the being nice and honest approach until she could no longer extort him to get him to work for/with her she’s so fucking funny for that. also I love the line where she’s like “well. he has nice teeth.” what a strangely horny thing to think about someone, like okay you dentally-minded freak.

meanwhile kavik is constantly oscillating between “she is the all-powerful avatar” and “she’s just a sopping wet poor little meow meow. why won’t anyone help her????” and that scene where he tries her tea and it has like. amphetamines in it is so fucking funny. he’s just like damn bitch you live like this???? also that scene where they’re playing sparrowkeets and yangchen is like “oh my god kavik is actually so bad at this game he totally oversold his abilities he’s literally a fucking fool and i was a fool to trust him” meanwhile kavik is sitting there like “wow this is so obvious and i am in complete control of the situation. i love how we are both on the same page about how i am totally fucking playing this guy rn :)” when he spins her around in the air and the rest of their team gets so fucking mad that he’s treating her like a girl and a friend instead of the supreme leader of the universe and they’re just like “um. what. we’re literally buddies. and yes we are also extorting each other. what about it.”

they’re so fucking crazy. and the fact that they never even so much as kiss is even crazier. kyoshi and rangi are like so much more confident with each other and yangchen and kavik (literal heteros) who are constantly dancing around their latent feelings and sublimated desires and for what. they’re both young and attractive the world is literally their oyster. what’s with all the fucking secrecy. oh right. they got that spy grindset. can’t even admit you have feelings because that’s a card that can be played against you. gotta act like you don’t even care about your best friend in the world because they’re a really good liar so what if they’re just faking their affection as part of a long con. never act on your feelings because that’s a weakness that can be exploited. they’re like the gay people of m/f ships but also what they’ve going on goes far deeper than that like they’re literally certifiably insane. both of them.

#creampuffqueen #asks #yangchen novels #yangchen #kavik #kavikxyangchen #I truly love them so much

[catindabag]

That’s it. Here are my personal Top 10 favorite TBOSAS fanfics to read on the weekends.

PS: Most of them were published even before the trailer for the upcoming movie premiered.

So here are my recommendations:

1. The Plinth Prize by Redex

This oneshot is a certified classic angsty Snowjanus/SnowPlinth fic. And honestly, this is why I support my fellow SnowPlinth shippers, cuz this story could definitely replace the last 3 chapters of TBOSAS and I wouldn’t even question it.

2. Nothing to lose by HopelessRomantikk

This oneshot is another Snowjanus/SnowPlinth fic. However, this one is quite romantically sweet as cinnamon with lots of kisses. Just play the song Say Yes to Heaven by Lana Del Rey in the background and you’re good to go.😘

3. Reflections of the Garden by madzdolin

This one is an angsty SnowBaird fic that actually gives you one of the best bittersweet endings ever. It also gave the readers a proper closure to Coryo’s relationship with both Lucy Gray and Sejanus. You might even cry a little when you read the last chapter. Just saying~.😚

4. Saving Each Other by flipflop_diva

This oneshot is one of those unique SnowBaird fics that gives the readers a good “What if” scenario to seriously think about, cuz in this AU, Coryo doesn’t escape the Arena with Sejanus. So he’s basically stuck with Lucy Gray as another “tribute,” until they both won by waiting and poisoning everybody else. And yes, Reaper was not amused.

5. You Complete Me by gaytriforce

This oneshot is another classic Snowjanus/SnowPlinth confession fic. Moreover, I really loved the simple way of how they got together. And to be honest, this short fic could replace the whole Peacekeeper arc and I wouldn’t even notice the change.

6. Pursuit Predation by evaerobics

This oneshot is that rare Snowjanus/SnowPlinth AU fic that deserves another 50 chapters. It basically gives the readers a “What if” scenario where Coryo was chosen to Mentor District two’s male Tribute, Sejanus Plinth. And yes, Sejanus kissed Coryo in front of his classmates before entering the Capitol Arena.

7. The last two loves of his life by boneslen

This one is a good bittersweet angsty SnowBaird/SnowPlinth fic. Basically, Lucy Gray was forced to become an Avox by Dr. Gaul. Sejanus is still dead. And Coryo is busy having a mental breakdown every second of the day. The newly elected President of Panem just really wants both his girlfriend and boyfriend back, ok. The Bi-panic is real with this one.

8. Roses and Nutmeg by PliaPlia

This Snowjanus/SnowPlinth oneshot features a very stressed out malnourished AF Coryo, who became quite ill because he keeps giving away his food to a very busy Tigris. Seriously, somebody give the poor cabbage boy some soup. Sejanus, call your Ma and feed your future boyfriend.

9. Feverish Dreams by Cordeliadumaurier

Let’s just agree that this long ass SnowBaird fic has the craziest story of the season. I mean, the revenge plot alone is amazing, and every single character is insane in their own way, even Lucy Gray. Moreover, everyone is just borderline obsessed with Coryo’s dead dad, Crassus Snow. Even dead Dean Casca Highbottom was freaking in love with Snow’s dead dad! So yeah, they’re all obsessed, depressed, and crazy. Everyone needs therapy, but Snow still lands on top. #Crasca4ever

10. The Sound of Snow Falling by PRES_CS_HGT

This HG/TBOSAS fic is one of my personal favorites. The plot alone is great and unique in its own way, because it features a very young and confused 5’4 and a half Coryo Snow waking up after the end of the Second Rebellion. Also, the new President, Alma Coin wants to place him inside the Arena as a Tribute for the crimes he doesn’t even remember committing. And his assigned Mentor, Katniss Everdeen hates him for some reason. And what the heck happened to Tigris?! Why is she so old?! And why does she look like a literal tiger?! Who knows, Coryo Snow.

Special Mention:

1. I’m so sorry, Coryo by HopelessRomantikk

Basically, this features Sejanus Plinth’s angsty POV in TBOSAS, and how he was secretly in love with Coryo Snow since forever. However, he still meets the same fate here.

2. The needle in the brain by Sweetlit

This TBOSAS AU fic is already wild and spicy like some Lana Del Rey album. The plot alone is great and full of mysteries. Moreover, this story’s “What if” scenario features a very desperate and depressed Coryo Snow seducing a heartbroken Dean Casca Highbottom to let him stay in the Capitol after winning the Hunger Games. And let’s just agree that if ever Crassus Snow reads this fic, he might as well burn Panem to the ground.

3. The Hanging Tree by SirFanfic

This oneshot features a regretful Coryo Snow, who decided to have a last minute change of heart and saved Sejanus from being hanged.

#coriolanus snow #president snow #coryo snow #tbosas #bosas #hunger games #lucy gray baird #sejanus plinth #casca highbottom #dean highbottom #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #suzanne collins #thg #fanfic #thg fanfiction #thg fic #thg fandom #snowbaird #snowplinth #fanfiction #fic recommendation #ao3 #ao3 link #fanfic rec #fic rec #coriolanus x sejanus #snowjanus #crassus snow

[thisismysecondrodeo]

Twitter Famous (Jason Sudeikis x Reader) - Chapter 2

wc: 1.2k

Story Page | Story Tag

You paced the kitchen while Andie made the two of you coffee, your phone sitting a safe distance away as if it was radioactive. Andie handed you the mug and you paused only briefly to take a sip before continuing your walking. 

“Okay, so walk me through it again. Why are we freaking out in a bad way and not a good way?”

“Andie,” you sighed, finally stopping and hopping up on your kitchen counter across from where your friend leaned against the stove, “he’s going to fucking hate me. The man doesn’t even tweet and he’s getting harassed on Twitter on my behalf.”

“It’s funny! He’s a funny guy, he’ll get it. Plus, so many people think you two would be hot together, they’re shipping it, dude. Did he DM you or anything?”

“No, he followed me though.” 

“See! He wouldn’t do that if he was pissed off. You know you’re allowed to have a little fun.” Andie finished the last of her coffee and stood on her tiptoes to kiss your cheek. “I’ve gotta run, I’m flying out to New York tonight. I know you have to call Kayla, but please can you just live a little? If you can’t meet your favorite celebrity then what the hell is the point of being famous?” 

You chuckled, sliding off the counter to walk her to the door. “Alright, alright, but when Kayla has to manage a PR crisis…” 

“It’s my fault, and I accept that gladly if it means you get to meet the love of your life, Jason Sudeikis,” Andie grinned and you rolled your eyes—there were so many ways for this to go and almost none of them were love, but Andie’s energy was addicting. It was nice to have someone that constantly pushed you to just have a good time; and sure, you hated to make Kayla’s job harder but it wasn’t like she was against you having a good time either. 

You took a long, hot shower before you gave Kayla a ring, thankful it was Saturday and you had nowhere to be. 

“Sooo this is cute, this is fun,” Kayla said and you could hear the smile in her voice. 

“I’m glad you think so,” you laughed, “I was kind of freaking out and I thought you’d be pissed.” 

“Hey, my only job is to get you where you wanna go and if Jason's where you want to go, you have my full support. So what do you think? Let me help you plan?”

“Honestly, I feel bad I made him go viral, but he’s liking every tweet, he can’t be THAT upset…maybe? I don’t know, it's hard to know what he’s thinking when he doesn’t tweet at all.” 

“Okay so use that to your advantage.” 

“How?”

“He’s trending, he’s clearly looking at the tweets, and everyone’s waiting for his next move but he can’t make it because he doesn’t tweet…so you make the move. Tweet and ask him out. See if he likes it.” 

“And you’re okay with this?” 

“I’m not your enemy, Y/N! I want you to be happy and that’s it. You get to decide what that looks like…and I’m here to clean up your mess.” 

You laughed, “I’m sorry Kayla, I know you’re not the enemy. I appreciate you. I’ll talk to you later.” 

When you hung up you couldn’t believe Andie and Kayla weren’t telling you that you were insane; accidentally sending a legion of your fans to tweet at Jason Sudeikis because you couldn’t connect to feelings of romance unless you were looking at his pictures or watching his movies and shows seemed certifiable to you. 

You took out your phone, looking at his name in your notifications, in your followers list. It gave you a thrill that at least he knew you existed. You audibly giggled as you tweeted. 

You didn’t actually expect him to respond, didn’t really believe that he would tweet for the first time to respond to some singer he didn’t know asking him out on a date. But you thought he’d like it and people would hoot and holler again, and then it would all fizzle out. Maybe you’d get asked about him in an interview or he’d get asked about you and you’d circle each other for years until finally the two of you were at an event together and you’d snap a photo and all's well that ends well. 

Except he didn’t like the tweet. 

You worked on rewriting a couple of songs, toyed around on the piano with some new stuff, tried to read a romance novel on your Kindle to get you in the second-album-spirit and he still hadn’t liked the tweet. 

Andie tried to settle you down over text but you couldn’t help but think you’d ruined it. 

Andie: Do you know he’s online?

You quickly switched to Twitter and looked at his likes and he was still liking tweets about you, tweeted after you’d tried to ask him out. Somehow in all the hubbub of should you tweet him, should you not, you never considered how it would feel to get publicly rejected��you certainly weren’t in the mood to sing love songs now.

Y/N: He’s still liking tweets! Ugh, why did I do this again?

Andie: It’s fun to have a crush! Maybe he tried to message you, do you follow him?

Of course you followed Jason. Why wouldn’t you, especially since he now followed you. But now that you think about it… You quickly swiped through to look, might as well, and…you didn’t follow him. You felt like an idiot as you checked the message requests folder you never looked at and saw a message from Jason in your DMs. 

Jason: You’re in LA right? I’ll be there next week, so maybe next Saturday instead of this Thursday 🙂 

Jason: Also hi, nice to meet you. I’m Jason. 

You didn’t know what to do or how to respond and you wished Andie was here to tell you what to do. She certainly wasn’t texting back quickly enough for your liking. You’d already left him on read for an hour, you had to say something. 

Y/N: Oh my god, I am so sorry for all this.

Y/N: But not that sorry 🙂 I would love to hang out next Saturday

Y/N: Also hi, I’m Y/N

Jason: Oh, I know. Big fan. Like, you-were-on-my-Spotify Wrapped kinda big fan ;) 

Jason: Also, do you want to maybe tweet something so I can stop getting roasted for not shooting my shot? No pressure

Y/N: LOL good call, happy to

BIG FAN. He had to just be humoring you, there was no way…but those were some very specific details to include. You were giddy with the excitement of actually getting to meet him, that he actually wanted to meet you. Despite trying to manage your own expectations, it felt like a date. You texted Andie the rundown but you knew she wouldn’t be able to respond from the plane. 

You almost forgot you told Jason you’d tweet something. You purposely left the date out, and you didn’t suggest a location because there was no way the two of you could hang out without drawing a crowd on a good day, let alone if you tweeted it like a meet and greet. You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face as you typed it out and hit send. 

Jason liked it. 

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.

-

AN: Okay so this is a slow build, don't kill me lol Also I'm posting every day but if you want a taglist let me know and I will happily tag you <3 Y'all have been so lovely and excited for this series it's awesome 🥰

#jstwitterfamous #jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis writing #jason sudeikis fan #jason sudeikis fan fic #jason sudeikis reader insert #jason sudeikis x yn #ted lasso #ted lasso cast #jason sudeikis x reader #jason sudeikis x you #my fanfic #rpf #jason sudeikis rpf

[opalsiren]

i am once again going insane about tiny zikki moments from mostly unrelated episodes. today's installment is their moments in 2x24 'three's company'

let's talk about the moment he finds her on the beach and calls out 'hey stranger!!' and she immediately gives him this familiar and fond smile. he wants to hang and she's trying to be all cold and distant but you can tell she is so happy to see him like when he offers to take her to the movies and holds her hands and does the little thumb-rub thing not once but TWICE tumblr user hoziersgf found deceased she can't stop smiling even though you can tell she doesn't want to be. then rikki is like 'some other day okay' and kisses his cheek and it is undisputably adorable and he just. leaves her to it. lets her have her space even though he misses his gf because he knows she's going through it with mermaid shenanigans and respects her boundaries season one zane would NEVER

also litch really wrote an entire post about this one (1) exchange but to recap when rikki goes to see zane after taking a step back from the girls and he 1. grins at her like she hung the moon and 2. instantly clocks she's had a fight with the girls since he knows both her AND her friends sooooooo well plus they have a cute little kiss they are in love your honour

we as a society NEED to talk about the moment they’re strolling down the beach with their arms around each other teasing each other and zane is like i’m better company than your friends and rikki is like ‘it’s debatable’ and they both just laugh like they’re so happy and comfy around each other just. doing nothing. plus they are both clearly so mad when emma and cleo interrupt their kiss. can we also talk about the little moment when they say they need to talk to rikki and he patiently waits for her to come back. when she goes back to him her expression instantaneously turns from sour to totally happy and relaxed she’s all ‘where were we’ and he’s like ‘kissing’ and puts his arm around her again and kisses her on the cheek and they laugh together AGAIN. they are disgusting i literally hate them so much.

can't not comment on the other beach scene where rikki is clearly a little restless after excluding herself from the group and zane instantly knows what's wrong and suggests they go to lewis's party. then when she shoots him down immediately he is like 'you don't have to let charlotte win you can go back (to the group) whenever you want' and rikki looks all thoughtful and introspective because she hadn't considered that before. i am the furthest thing from a charlotte hater but in this moment zane reminds her who she is, that she won't let people walk all over, that she's rikki chadwick and she won't be the loser to someone else's winner. zane truly knows her so well that, by simply being there, he never lets her forget who she is. *screams for one thousand years*

i am thinking about the little moment when they're sitting sipping their juices at the juicenet being both adorable and iconic when ash calls rikki. for a sec she meets zane's eye and is like 'hi ash how's the party 😉' because she knows charlotte has probably done a piss poor job throwing a party for lewis sorry charlotte baby i love you dearly but that was a certified mess <3 and wants zane to be included in the joke. when she hangs up she's like 'cleo and emma have left lewis's party' and immediately zane matches her tone like 'that's not like them' just as concerned as her. not only does my guy know rikki chadwick like the back of his hand he knows her friends too!!!! immediately she's like 'exactly' and they rush off together to see what's going on because they are a team and it's fine i'm fine i'll be fine

plus when they’re outside charlotte’s pool room when ash is trying to burst in on cleo and emma and zane is the one to get him to leave them alone when rikki can’t like he leads him away saying it’s ‘secret women’s business’ or what have you. king shit. i also personally think that zane was at least a little bit involved in putting the party boat together for lewis since you can see him checking his watch and staring at the water as if waiting for something right before it gets there i am connecting the dots etc.

anyway in conclusion i believe in zikki supremacy <33

#this is just a worse version of dizzystqr's rikma crumbs series tbh <3 #if you read all of this on all levels except physical we are holding hands #h2o just add water #.txt #h2o #queue #zikki

[munchflix]

HELLRAISER TIER LIST

Munch: This is, I say regrettably, my favorite franchise. That being said, my version of my favorite franchise ends abruptly at the fourth installment.

Biscuits: This your boy??? This your man???

M: Yeah...I know.

B: This one took a while because...we had to watch the movies. I wish we hadn't. I wish I had not watched the movies. I will never forgive me for making me watch ALL OF THESE FUCKING MOVIES. Each one took years off my life span. I'd already seen the first four but...

M: They're bad. They're direct to video bad. They're 3 dollar bin at Walmart bad and I still want my money back. 

B: They'd be walk out of the theatre movie bad but you can't because most of them weren't in theaters. They're turn it off and watch some porn bad.

M: That being said...I am a huge Hellraiser fan. I love the lore, I love the mythology. I own the comics, I own the movies, I love Doug Bradley so much. Pinhead is my absolute favorite boi. But alas....we must review this shit. So here we go. PART THE ONE. A woman discovers the newly resurrected, partially formed, body of her brother-in-law. She starts killing for him to revitalize his body so he can escape the demonic beings that are pursuing him after he escaped their sadistic underworld. That's a weird version of things IMDB. 

B: Those are things that certifiably in the first movie, if you've never seen Hellraiser you're probably confused. 

M: The first, arguably the best, our introduction to the cenobites, to Kirsty, to the entire mythology and the Lament Configuration ( the iconic box ). My only gripe is that like so many of the Hellraiser movies, not enough Pinhead. The special effects, for 1987 are off the fucking chain, and they still hold up, honestly. This movie still looks better than most of the shit we watched. S tier shit.

B: The fx are really impressive for the time it was made and the fact that they didn't have much of a budget. You know what I liked about this movie? Stuff happened in it. There was a plot. The cenobites, the Lament, it was part of the plot. It was significant to the story.

M: Well this one was actually made to be a Hellraiser story, unlike six others in this series. PART THE TWO. Kirsty is brought to an institution after the horrible events of Hellraiser (1987), where the occult-obsessive head doctor resurrects Julia and unleashes the Cenobites and their demonic underworld. This one is probably my favorite, ten times more crazy cenobite shit, way more Pinhead.

B: We get to see their weird liminal space hell and Leviathan, the giant rotating space diamond. It's weird and out there, and that's pretty cool. Clive Barker created such a unique impression and aesthetic of Hell. So weird and distinct.

M: It's amazeballs, some more really iconic lines from our boy Pinhead, and nobody but Doug Bradley could say that shit and make it sound cool. We know, we've heard other people try. It's bad. Also S tier.

B: Yup.

M: PART THE THREE. An investigative reporter must send the newly unbound Pinhead and his legions back to Hell. This starts the eternal trend of fucking detective/investigator/reporter nonsense in this series.

B: Like they couldn't think of ANY other plotlines. This movie is balls out, batshit insane. It's hard for me to delineate in words how bizarre this movie is. There's a guy who looks like Hulk Hogan who gets turned into a cenobite who kills people with his telescoping eyeball lens? There's Pinhead in a statue in a nightclub that just happens to be an art museum?? And Pinhead is just like, hey Nightclub guy you should just kill people.

M: It's fantastic. It's just utter chaos from the moment it starts. Pinhead spends half the movie trapped in a statue, he's so great. Sassy and unhinged Pinhead. The main character is some redhead named Joey who does stuff but we don't care because there's a fucking dude shooting cd's out of his cenobite mouth hole. I love this movie. Tons of Pinhead, tons of cenobites, some of the most iconic lines in the series here. S tier as well.

B: That's understandable. I'm willing to put it in A tier, but I like it an S tier amount. I will acknowledge it's not a great film, but it's fun as hell.

M: PART THE FOUR. In the 22nd century, a scientist attempts to right the wrong his ancestor created: the puzzle box that opens the gates of Hell and unleashes Pinhead and his Cenobite legions.

B: I can't lie...this kind of H.R. Giger shit that happened in the 90's...I fucking hate it. It's so fucking visually boring. Alien movies were good but ugh, I watched Event Horizon and it was BORING. This movie falls into that trap and I don't like it. Compared to the other movies in this franchise after this one, this movie is great. It's high cinema.

M: You're entitled to your wrong opinion about Giger and Event Horizon. I love this movie. It's so stupid. Hellraiser in space, c'mon. Most of the movie is about LeMarchand and we don't really care, but Pinhead has some of the BEST lines in the whole series.

B: " Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?" I love how Pinhead is this like, very serious Hell priest but then at the same time is very sassy.

M: Sassy Pinhead is the best Pinhead. Unfortunately after this, everything went straight into ass tier. I'm not willing to S tier this. This is at best B tier. Compared to the rest, this is still like...the best movie.

B: B tier is fair.

M: PART THE FIVE. INFERNO. A shady police detective becomes embroiled in a strange world of murder, sadism and madness after being assigned a murder investigation against a madman known only as "The Engineer". This is the first one where they made an entirely different movie and then slapped Pinhead into it. No really, they did that for like four movies. It's also the second movie that centers around a fucking detective.

B: I feel a visceral hatred for this movie. It is a GRUELING experience. At the beginning, I was like, I'll give this a chance. It's not going so bad, it might be alright. But no, it just drags on. It's so, so fucking boring. You stop caring about this detective like a quarter of the way in. And this is the movie that begins the HORRIBLE, AWFUL, I FUCKING HATE IT trend of having fucked up shit happen and then have it be like OH IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. It was a hallucination or something. That's half the movie, stuff that isn't happening!

M: The original movies had a ton of fucked up shit happening, but it was ACTUALLY HAPPENING. That's part of why it was so insane. This movie is....painful. It is blindingly dull. They bring in the chatterer but he's just a torso. They throw in the wire twins and some like...slenderman motherfucker but it's just the detective.

B: They quit making new cenobites after this, they just recycled the same ones. They got rid of chatterer and butterball and female cenobite, kinda rude tbh. There's barely any cenobites in this.

M: Pinhead is here for like...literally two minutes.

B: It's a four course meal of just Saltines. Bland, dry, and unfufilling. Hell tier. Piss hell tier.

M: Whatever the worst, lowest part of hell is, this movie belongs there. PART THE SIX. A shady businessman attempts to piece together the details of the car crash that killed his wife, rendered him an amnesiac, and left him in possession of a sinister puzzle box that summons monsters.

B: At least this time, he's a shady businessman!

M: There are detectives tho. This movie brings back Kirsty, but like....she's a side character. The movie would have been way more interesting if it was about her. She manipulates her husband into the cenobites hands but WE DON'T GET TO SEE ANY OF THAT. It's all told from her stupid husband's point of view.

B: I remember him throwing up a lamprey but that was the only gross thing. If I wanted to watch a white guy lose his grip on reality I'd just go watch Hannibal. Or go look in the mirror.

M: SELF BURN. This movie is so boring. AND - it does the fucking this didn't really happen bullshit hallucination crap even more than inferno. It's slightly, and I'm measuring this is in millimeters, less boring than Inferno.

B: This one does have a lamprey coming out a man's mouth. It's still bad though. I have a hard time putting this is anything but shit tier as well. If I had to choose between this movie and staring at a blank wall for the same duration, i'd pick the wall, because then I could at least imagine a better Hellraiser movie. Still D tier.

M: I agree. It's awful. And now... PART THE SEVEN. Deader. A journalist uncovers an underground group who can bring back the dead and slowly becomes drawn into their world.

B: The cover for this one also looks like ass, look at that fucking photoshop glow around the cube, now just slap that girl's face on it. Who's more dead?

M: Yet another fucking journalist detective and we don't know what's really happening and what's not.

B: This one actually feels shorter than the other ones. The pacing isn't quite that slow but it's better than the other things. There's one or two visually interesting things. The guy on the train was kinda interesting. The scene where she has the knife in her back is compelling, the stark white of the bathroom and the blood. The scene with the dead girl in the bathroom also has tension. That's more than any of the other shit movies in here.

M: You're gonna give a rank up for not feeling eternal??? It's still awful. It is slightly less awful, the plot is really out there, there are holes you could drive a mack truck through. This one, like the past two though was also just another fucking movie that they threw Pinhead into and called it Hellraiser. Like...why does Lemarchand's ancestor have the ability to raise the dead?

B: It has a bit more merit as a piece of cinema than Inferno, which has nothing. It's like that gold star meme that says - not as bad as you could have been.

M: But can we rank it above hell piss tier? I mean really. We have like two rankings here...the first four, which we can't even compare these to, and then the rest against each other.

B: Compared to the originals, it's not good. It could be C tier, I guess.

M: I'm willing to go along with that, but it's still really really bad. PART THE EIGHT. HELLWORLD. Gamers playing a MMORPG based on the "Hellraiser" films find their lives endangered after being invited to a rave, the host of which intends to show them the truth behind the Cenobite mythos.

B: I'm almost willing to move Deader to C tier after remembering this one. This one is piss hell tier. Plot, that word doesn't apply to this movie.

M: The plot is....shaky...at best. This isn't remotely a Hellraiser movie. This is the WORST offender here.

B: The entire movie only has a Hellraiser themed party until the VERY END when Pinhead shows up for like a cameo and cuts a guy to pieces. It has nothing to do with hellraiser. The plot is a dude who's mad at his dead kid's friends because his son killed himself and he's seeking revenge.

M: It's more like a Saw movie tbh. Henry Cavill is here tho. There's a lot of banging and even more of the fucking this didn't really happen trope and also Pinhead is wearing a neck brace.

B: And at the end it's implied that a ghost used a phone to save his friends? There's nothing at all to do with Hellraiser. You could remove all the hellraiser iconography and it would still be the same movie. You could remove Pinhead and it would be the same movie.

M: Piss hell garbage tier. It's irredeemable.

B: These movies feel like being tortured by the cenobites in real life.

M: PART THE FUCKING NINE REVELATIONS JESUS CHRIST. Imdb won't load the synopsis. We already reviewed this one.

B: Jerma cries a lot, the movie.

M: I hate that I have to elevate this absolute piece of shit in the rankings, but it's at least a Hellraiser movie??? It's at least about Hell???

B: This one at least has some moments that are funny bad and not just bad bad. The unnecessary baby murder.

M: That's funny??

B: It's so hamfisted, it's so edgy, it just becomes comical.

M: This movie was made entirely so that they didn't lose the rights to hellraiser. Clive Barker said - and I quote - "I have NOTHING to do with the fuckin' thing. If they claim its from the mind of Clive Barker,it's a lie. It's not even from my butt-hole"

B: The makeup is so bad. He looks tacky, like if I reached out and touched him, he would be sticky. I don't like sticky airbrushed Pinhead.

M: They also messed up his eyes, it's just weird. This movie is laughably atrocious, but at least it's laughable. You can't even laugh at Inferno. You're too busy pulling your hair out. Regrettably, C tier.

B: It's poopy garbage and I don't like it, but compared to the other fecal matter I've had to review, it's slightly better.

M: PART THE FUCKING TEN OH MY GOD. JUDGEMENT. Detectives Sean and David Carter are on the case to find a gruesome serial killer terrorizing the city. Joining forces with Detective Christine Egerton, they dig deeper into a spiraling maze of horror that may not be of this world. Hey guess what? Fucking detectives.

B: This movie is really gross but it just feels way overdone. It loses it's shock value when you're being nasty 24-7. and I would know. A lot of these movies I was like - not nasty enough! This one...maybe build up a little.

M: This is a different kind of nasty tho, like there's barfing. A lot of barfing. And playing in barf. And drooling, and splashing blood on naked chicks and it honestly feels a WEE BIT FETISHY to me.

B: You're talking about Hellraiser, it's always been kinda fetishy.

M: I don't feel like it was Hellraiser fetishy, I feel like it was director fetishy.

B: They blew their load way too early. You can't just come out of the gate swinging like that. It's not as bad as some of the other ones. There's some Hell stuff in it at least.

M: I kinda like the Auditor.

B: I liked the weird butcher guy. The auditor guy is kinda cool but you can tell he can't hardly talk with that makeup on because he can't move his upper lip. I hate all the detective shit. There's no explanation of why this one detective guy went bonkers. I don't like the angel chick, she feel really out of place.

M: The Pinhead is at least better, though I wish they'd never showed the actor without the makeup. He also looks way overdone, like they hit him with some flocking.

B: Way too airbrushed. His lips are kinda blue. Blue lips, pale face, I hate the entire human race.

M: Still...in the grand scheme of things...not the worst. I still can't even go to B tier. I could go C tier.

B: B tier has four, we're not going there. It's still bad and I wouldn't advise that you watch it, but comparatively....it's better.

M: And the bar is SO LOW. Like we got excited that Deader didn't feel six hours long. That's how low the bar is. I will never forgive these people for what they did to my boy, MY BOY! But thank you Doug and Clive for giving me the first four. We are tentatively very excited about the new Hulu version.

B: "Look how they massacred my boy!" - The Godfather, 1972.

#hellraiser #hellseeker #deader #judgement #hellworld #pinhead #cenobite #clive barker #revelations #bloodlines #my boy #munchflix #review #tier list

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

bestie I'm asking this for u to rant. WHAT is wilds about? I have never heard of that show and it's on Netflix right?

i am so impressed that you’ve apparently been seeing me say the most inconsistent and incomprehensible things about this show for days and have only just now decided to see what i’m on about…. ok i’ll explain it to u, ur gonna want to sit down it’s a lot

ok so at it’s core it’s about how being a teenager sucks and about how insanely good it would feel to be able to scream as loud as you possibly can for as long as you need to and just let out everything. but in terms of the actual plot it’s about these two groups of kids (8 girls and 8 boys) who are in two “plane crashes” and are stranded on two separate islands as part of a larger science experiment led by this crazy evil milf. it’s like kind of a thriller so there are a lot of twists that really make the whole thing a fun experience to watch but i’m assuming that if you’ve been watching me talk about it all this time you don’t care much about spoilers. but anyway i’ll still keep it vague <3

so. season one is all about the girls island, and it’s incredible. they’re gay, they hate each other, they’re best friends, they’re family, something really weird is happening and only leah notices but she is like certifiably insane so no one believes her. also one of them is a plant from the people running the experiment and she’s there to make sure the rest of them don’t find anything suspicious or whatever and she like reports any problems to the observers and you don’t find out who she is until like the last episode. but anyway. all eight of them (even the double agent) have backstory episodes that really flesh out their characters and why they are the way they are and how they ended up at this supposed “feminist retreat in hawaii” they were meant to be at before the crash. and it’s SO good, every single one of them is sympathetic and lovable and three dimensional, even the ones that might have been considered boring are still interesting it’s sooo good. and the whole time it’s cutting between three distinct times, there’s the girls on the island, their flashbacks, and the present where the girls are being interviewed by who they think are a detective and a therapist, but they actually work for the evil milf scientist i mentioned earlier. the specifics of her experiment are incredibly vague though, she’s basically trying to prove that young women are capable of banding together in a survival situation and creating a peaceful and practical society by themselves, while i guess young men are not? and this proves…. um, that girls rule and boys drool? idk what she thinks is going to come out of this extremely unethical and gender essentialist research but it’s whatever i guess. and the season ends with finding out there was also a whole deprecate island of boys the whole time as a control group to the girls island

and then season two is where it gets a bit complicated. the timelines are way more muddled (the whole timeline of the experiment doesn’t make any sense to me i can’t even begin to explain any timeline stuff in season two because they clearly did not put much thought into it in the writers room) and at the end of the day, the boys are just not as well done as characters, like collectively. like some of them are really good but they fail as a unit because not all of them got fleshed out with backstory like the girls did. and also they just don’t like each other that much. some of them are buddies but they’re not like a friend group the way the girls are. and one of them is a total maniac on a power trip because he also happens to be in on the experiment and it’s super fucked up

anyway i do think it’s a really good show that you should definitely watch if you’re interested even though i’ve definitely been talking shit about it… it’s still mostly very good i promise!

#also it’s on amazon prime not netflix which is good because netflix would have cancelled it lmao #also i’m sorry this took several days for me to respond. i was gathering my thoughts and then i forgot this was in my drafts and then etc yk #asks #anonymous #the wilds liveblog

[robertsbarbie]

HI ERIS !!!!!! i listened 2 roses by the band camino while ago and loved it so much and just now i heard know it all and lovedd it and thought of u !!!!! what other songs would you recommend to get into their music btw ? <3

literally all of them because they’re amazing alakaksjsjsj but also

Song About You (obviously) - jeffery jordan loves taylor swift and wrote this song in her writing style which i think is very cool and definitely sounds like a song you’d hear on lover, speak now, ect i LOVE it

Get it Your Way - it’s just such a sonically interesting song like! the layering that went into it drives me certifiably insane it makes me feel like i’m in a dramatic movie while also like my heart is being stomped on a billion times i love it

Just A Phase - solely because bisexuality. okay technically it’s about mental illness but we can ignore that and just focus on the queer implications

See Through - this was the first song i ever listened to by them and it’s a very fun sad song if that makes sense like you can’t listen to it and not want to scream

2/14 - solely cause it’s about Starstruck (also the best crush on a best friend song)

some other songs that i don’t have a long out explanation for them i just love them: Help Me Get Over You, Berenstein, Less Than I Do, Haunted, My Thoughts On You, Something to Hold Onto, 1 Last Cigarette, and i’m gonna stop before i list their entire discography

i truly love every one of their songs and one of my favorite things is they’ve never heard of sonic cohesion but it works! like their production choices are so catered to each song specifically and i’m literally in love with them

#i love that you thought of me 🥺 #but i cannot recommend them enough their my favorite band (tied with parachute of course but nonetheless) #ask: augustgf #mutuals: jiya #also thank you because i’m now shuffling my band camino playlist

[ozma914]

Crunching Letters to Synopsis Satisfaction

 I'm continually surprised that editors and agents in the publishing industry expect novelists to write short stuff, like query letters, outlines, and synopsis ... synopsis's ... synopsi? Just a sec.

(Huh. It's synopses. Who knew?)

Asking a novelist to write short is like asking a politician to spend less money; asking the Wicked Witch to be less cackle, um, cackle-y; asking me to skip dessert. My novel manuscripts tend to be short, but that doesn't make me freak out any less when I have to reduce it to a 1,000 word synopsis. My latest manuscript is 82,000 words: It's like taking a full size pickup truck and reducing it to Matchbox size with your bare hands.

Hey, I have this one! Wouldn't want to build the real thing from scratch.

Now imagine someone trying to write a synopsis for one of George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, which are so big they're registered as lethal weapons. Seriously, even putting it on your Kindle adds two pounds. When I tried to read the newest one on the couch, I broke my hip. And the couch. Of course, no one would ask him to write a synopsis. In fact, he probably has an assistant that does nothing but write synopses ... seses ....

In theory the best way to write a synopsis is to write one paragraph for each chapter, then trim where necessary, as if it isn't going to be necessary. I tried other tactics. For instance, removing every "the"; putting into the synopsis only the third and fifteenth word of every page; and hiring George R.R. Martin's synopsis writer. None worked. (You wouldn't believe what that guy charges.)

So I looked the manuscript over again. While Martin's books are high fantasy, my newest story is apparently low fantasy, and yes, I'm aware of the possible jokes. That means it's set in our real world, but magical elements intrude into it; the best known example would probably by the Harry Potter series.

How low can you go? Well, you could have an entire school full of kids who could turn their parents into warthogs, for instance.

 My story, The Source Emerald, is about a young FBI agent on her first assignment, who tries to track down possible gem smugglers in upstate New York. Magic ... intrudes.

All I had to do is boil down her personality, the plot, the stakes, and the major supporting characters into 800-1000 words, or less than two pages. Or shorter, depending on who you ask. Oh, and in your own unique voice ... with plot twists ... and the ending ... I'm going to go lay down, now.

Okay, I'm back. Almost all authors hate writing a synopsis, and those who like it almost always turn out to be heavily addicted to something and/or certifiably insane. I don't have the exact statistics on that. All I know is that on my first whack at it, I spent half a page describing why my main character, Lilly, absolutely doesn't believe the little girl she encounters is Dorothy Gale, made famous in the Oz books. I had to reduce that to, like, four words.

"Dorothy is brunette, and a teenager, and not a princess, and it was all a dream, anyway. Stop pulling my leg--I've seen the movie."

In the final version the whole thing boiled down to: "Lilly doubts Dorothy's story."

It took me three days to come up with that sentence.

In reality I got the whole synopsis done in "just" a few days, not counting my nightmares of being chased by an editor with a sharp red pen. My first version was about 3,500 words, which really wasn't too shabby. My second was around 1,500--I was slashing words like a horror movie villain.

And then--finally--920 beautiful, short, on-point words. That's it. If you want a shorter synopsis from me, I'll just cut from the bottom and you'll never know the ending, pal! (Or lady, since most of the agents and editors I've queried have been female.)

But I did it. I'm relieved, and proud, and surprised, but mostly relieved.

Now I have to write a query letter.

Hm ... or maybe I should tackle a short story. What do you think?

Find all our books here:

http://markrhunter.com/ https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

#writing #On writing #oz #wizard of oz #synopsis #humor #fiction writing #writing community

[phoenixyfriend]

Commander Buir

Follow-up to this post. Not in any particular order, just spitballing ideas, with contributions from several friends on discord.

Like presumably it takes long enough for them all to meet up again that Anakin and Cody do, in fact, end up treating each other like family, just so I can have that good good "well, guess I'm Dad now" energy. Shmi isn't entirely sure what's going on but she's not a slave anymore and her kid seems to like this rando mando, so.

Anakin gets to have a mom and two dads, though one of the dads is arguably younger than him.

Also when they all meet up again and Cody explains the "General Skywalker got shrunk" thing, there are three reactions: (General) Obi-Wan: Oh, Anakin. Obi-Wan: [gestures to take him, ends up with an armful of clingy padatoddler] Anakin: You can't blame this on me, Obi. Obi-Wan, a little teary, because babies cause emotions: Of course I can, you absurd human being. ------ Rex: That's... my general. Anakin: I am, Captain. Rex: Cool cool cool I'm gonna go stand where I can't, uh, break you. Anakin: I'm not THAT fragile! ------ Ahsoka: [gasp] Skyguy is SKYKID! Anakin: Padawan, this is-- Ahsoka, grabbing him and cuddling: Oh my goodness you're adorable this is the best day ever. Anakin: This is humiliating, Snips, put me down. Ahsoka: Never.

Anakin hates being a toddler because of the lack of independence but Cody keeps picking him up when he's cranky and just holding him until he falls asleep and that's... nice.......

- The brain limitations aren't quite as bad as the situation with Sokanth and Ylliben in the other AU, but - Even if his brain is mostly adjusted he’s still got a tiny body with different needs that he’s not used to. Like, he needs to sleep more but he’s got more energy than usual when he’s awake and it’s all weird.

Cody carrying around toddler Anakin like "God you give me ulcers but you're adorable, you little shit."

Inconveniently tiny body aside, Anakin has a pretty great time in this au. His family are all together and safe and within reach. His wife isn't around, but toddler brain means he doesn't have the Romance Drive, so that's not as bad as it could be It could be significantly worse.

@atagotiak asked: Does Anakin get annoyed about being called cute? - To which I say, He bites the first few times but Shmi tells him that's Naughty so he stops. - Babies are cute so you packbond with them before they’re annoying, Anakin is cute as a self defense mechanism - He’s extra annoying so he needs to be extra cute

You know how you need to keep an eye on toddlers so they don't, like, fall down the stairs or put something toxic in their mouth? - They need to keep an eye on Anakin specifically so he doesn't rewire the ship they're in while they're in hyperspace. - He has less self control on account of being smol. He still has all the mechanical knowledge! Just less comprehension of y’know, consequences.

Anakin, with a sippy cup: This is demeaning. Ahsoka: Your hands don't work great enough to avoid accidents yet. Anakin: It's still embarrassing.

General Kenobi can't just kill Maul, not when Maul is baby right now (sixteen, which is baby enough) so he just. Kinda. Kidnaps a baby Sith. (It's fine. He's fine.)

General Kenobi (not to be confused with Padawan Kenobi) decides to declare Maul his new padawan because someone has to deal with this teenager, and Plo already claimed the rest of Ahsoka's training. And Anakin's three, so.

"What do we do with Maul?" "Eh, I can handle him. I dealt with teenage Anakin getting arrested for illegal pod-racing twice a month, I can work with this."

Maul bites, but only slightly more often than Anakin, it's fine

Ahsoka definitely bullies Maul whenever possible

Consider: Rex holding very still because Anakin wanted to be tall, so he climbed Rex. Being unexpectedly climbed is better than being unexpectedly yeeted. It's still extremely nerve-wracking. - Cody is perfectly capable of running around with a backpacking toddler General, but Rex freezes like a statue. - Ahsoka finds this hilarious

You know how little kids like to be thrown around and swung in circles and stuff like that? This must get even more ridiculous with force users. Can throw a child real high and catch them safely. - Rex panics whenever Ahsoka throws her chibified Master

Literally everyone except Rex loves being yeeted. Even Maul can appreciate a good tactical yeet no shut up he's not having fun this is TRAINING - Rex is Suffering - Cody, a very Tired Dad, deserves to mock his vod'ika a little, as stress relief - Rex, a certified Little Brother, shoves Cody off something tall. Jokes on him, Cody thinks freefall is fun too.

Tia asked: So the people who didn’t exist yet got flung bodily back in time and Anakin did the mental time travel. Why did Obi-Wan not become Padawan Kenobi? (I mean “because I want it that way” is def a good enough answer I’m just wondering if there’s any reason.) - Which, well, it really was mostly "I want to" but here's two options, both of which come down to Blame Daughter and Father. 1. They figured a responsible adult Jedi Master was needed to convince people. 2. Nobody was supposed to get de-aged but Daughter figured they needed to make Anakin less liable to kill things for a few years. - Also IDK the Force God-Manifestations also took away any risk of rapid aging and early death from the clones because uhhhhhhhhhhh I said so

Rex and Ahsoka are fumbling their way through a relationship where ages are just really confusing and awkward, so they're keeping it to just kisses and cuddles for a bit.

Cody is so tired he doesn't even realize anyone's hitting on him until it's been three years of co-parenting with Shmi and his General. - Somehow Anakin knows Cody is in a relationship before Cody does. Cody has never been so embarrassed. - How did he manage to be less observant than Skywalker? -- it was sabotage; all his brain cells were taken up in managing said Skywalker -- Because Skywalker was up at three in the morning whacking a training droid with a stick so he didn't have the energy for Relationships

Also Shmi's come-ons are super subtle, while the General's are... well, Cody's gotten very used to ignoring anything ambiguous on that end because fraternization rules, and also because Obi-Wan flirts a lot with everyone. So.

Please imagine Cody and General Kenobi walking around with Anakin tucked into a toddler sling while they do whatever work they've ended up with at the Temple. - Yes, Cody is helping the Jedi figure out the best plan of attack to take down this slave ring because his grasp on tactics is phenomenal and he knows how to deploy people at greatest efficiency, but also he's got a nosy toddler on his hip who keeps offering his own insane-but-competent ideas. - General Kenobi ends up with a Council Seat just on account of, like, being the kind of person he is. As often as not, he's got Anakin tucked into his robes, chewing on the ear of a stuffed tooka or something.

IDK what Shmi's doing but apparently Legends had it that some of the administrative and support positions in the Temple were held by non-Jedi civilians? So probably something like that.

GENERAL KENOBI LECTURING PADAWAN MAUL WHILE ANAKIN'S BALANCED ON HIS HIP AND GLARING AT MAUL FOR STEALING HIS DAD

General Kenobi: Ahsoka's babysitting. Anakin: I'm her master, I don't need babysitting, this is-- General Kenobi: Fine, then you need supervision, so that you don't blow up a training salle again. Anakin: And you think Ahsoka would stop me? General Kenobi, eye twitching: Fine, I'm leaving you with Plo.

Even if he’s mentally an adult Anakin always needs supervision Look at canon! Anakin was left without supervision for like two days and he became a Sith

Quinlan gets distracted by how attractive General Kenobi is and tells Obi-Wan "dude, you're gonna be so hot once you can get rid of the stupid haircut" and Obi-Wan pushes him into the nearest pond.

They end up with this weird "Uncle Jango" situation (uncle to Anakin, via weird brotherhood-ish to Cody) because Rex and Cody are just like "Uhhhhhhhhh yeah okay" about him eventually, and Jango just like. Drops by. Trying to Earn Affection Of Blood Kin by bringing weird gifts for them and their (ugh) Jedi.

"Okay, Rex'ika, I stopped by Shili--" "What?" "--and apparently this is a delicacy there, so just... your girlfriend will like it." "She's not my girlfriend." "..." "Okay, I can't call her my girlfriend. Jedi have rules about that sort of thing, and--" "This will make your Jedi happy, probably. Just take it, kid."

Baby Anakin got his arm back but for some inexplicable reason still has The Eye Scar. He matches Buir.

#disaster lineage #Anakin Skywalker #CodyWan #Commander Cody #Obi Wan Kenobi #Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Shmi Skywalker #Maul #Darth Maul #Rexsoka #time travel #de aging #baby characters #Quinlan Vos #Phoenix Posts #Commander Buir

[cogentranting]

The best part of the live action 101 Dalmatians (the 1996 one) is that Roger and Anita are certifiably insane. 

They meet in the park where she thinks he’s trying to steal her dog so she hits him in the face with a bag full of bricks and then they both accidentally end up in the lake so they go back to his place to dry off and their dogs lie down next to each other and they think ‘oh guess our dogs are in love’ so what do they do? Do they shrug it off and say ‘well too bad--they’re dogs, they’ll get over it’? Do they set up a doggy play date? Do they decide to go on a date with each other? All things that are reasonable courses of action, but no. No, they get engaged on the spot. They decide to get married having known each other for a few hours at most during which time she physically assaulted him. 

Then their dogs have puppies. Fifteen of them. And they decide to keep all of them. Now, not selling to Cruella? Completely reasonable. Not selling the puppies to anyone, much less so. That’s seventeen dogs. Seventeen. In a London townhouse. That is too many dogs. Now, granted, maybe they just hadn’t made plans to rehome the puppies yet. Fair. Except then we reach the end of the movie and the police officer, having apparently spent a whole twenty minutes trying to find where the other puppies belong, gives up and just offers them to Roger and Anita, they accept. They take in eighty-four more dalmatians and buy a gigantic dalmatian-themed house in the country. And at they still don’t get any of their dogs fixed it seems because they talk about the different generations of dalmatians they have. 

Just absolutely wild to think what goes into their decision making processes. 

#101 dalmatians #disney #and if you're wondering-- yes hitting someone in the face with a bag of bricks COULD be considered assault with a deadly weapon #at least according to one minute of research

[internalsealpanic]

Love Through the Ages (Tim Drake)

Summary:  Love like baggage needs to be declared.

a/n: This is part two of a series that is a fic rec list disguised as a fic. For these fics, most of the characters will be speaking different languages, so unless specified otherwise assume that the characters are speaking in the first language I mention. They’re all vampires with centuries under their belt. Why wouldn’t I make them all polyglots.  Also, thank you to the proof reading gang for putting up with my shenanigans.  I will have links to the fics I recommend in the fic itself.

Warnings: Everyone is dramatic.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist. 

You watch the rusty green of the warehouse wall disappear behind a spray of orange paint. There is nothing more satisfying than watching paint make old things new. 

A whistle interrupts your reverie, making the can slip from your hand. You swear, the harsh syllables echoing in the empty air. The can bounces down the scaffold and lands in someone’s hands. Tim’s face gets sprayed with a mist of orange. He makes a noise and rubs at his face. You bark out a laugh and he grimaces at you. The begrudging fondness obvious on his face. 

He waves at you, eyes still stinging from the paint. Giddiness flourishes in your chest. “I knew I’d find you here!” He shouts in a dialect of Mandarin that you hadn’t heard in ages.

It takes you a moment to understand him. You’re honestly extremely rusty. It takes you another moment to realize that it made no sense for him to find you. “How?” You shout back in Romanian. 

Tim shakes his head, throwing his hand over his shoulder. “Open canvas.”

You snort, looking down at him. Tim’s breath catches as he stares up at you, your smile. You’re haloed by sunlight. You look like an angel descending from heaven.

Tim’s forced to pick up his jaw when he hears your voice again. You’re tapping your watch. The words are lost to him.

“What?!”

You shake your head, strands of hair coming loose from behind your ear. “I asked...” You shout in a coarse frawl. “... Isn’t it a bit early for you to be here?”

It was. 

He was only 30 minutes early. No big deal. 

He shrugs. “I just wanted to watch you paint.” He says, trailing off. Oh God, Tim thinks. Does he sound lovesick? Is Cassie right? He pushes the thoughts down, opting to look at the building instead. On the side of the building was an immaculate portrait of the Red Hood rendered like a saint, haloed in golden light and surrounded by your orange marigolds. It would look at home in any grand cathedral. Your talents never ceased to amaze him.

“Should I ask why you’re defacing a building?”

You turn back to the building picking up a can of yellow paint. You tilt your head. “It’s a massive improvement, yes?”

Tim looks around. The pavement is littered with wet trash mixed. The buildings were rusted. Everything else is covered in grime. “You’re rude…  but not wrong.”

You preen, electing to ignore the first half. You turn back to your canvas before Tim can get another word in. He knows he’s lost you. 

“So, why *the* Red Hood?” 

You look away from the portrait, setting the can of yellow spray paint. It sprays your sweatshirt and Tim laughs. You stick your tongue out at his face flushing. You liked this sweatshirt. He gave it to you the last time you had meandered into Gotham. “Why not? We’re in the Bowery. He’s like a saint here.” You snip, switching to Russian. Ok, that made sense. You toss your sweatshirt into Tim’s face. The fabric is lousy with the smell of paint and of 5-hour energy drinks. It was an improvement over the pungent odor of garbage. 

He tries to rub the orange paint on his face away before he tucks your sweatshirt beneath his arm. You’re still looking down at him, wry amusement on your face. “I’ll paint your beloved Red Robin when I get to China Town. Heard he was quite popular in those parts.”

Tim’s heart flutters.  He stutters out his next question. “Why are you using spray paint for this type of illustration?”

“Kon said I couldn’t do it.”

Tim snickers, “As if Kon could tell the difference.”

You frown only realizing your mistake. You curse under your breath. Tim doesn’t stop laughing at you. “Shut up!” You snarl.

Tim dodges the next paint can you throw but the next one hits him square in the face. You grin triumphantly. Tim raises a middle finger at you and you giggle in response. You feel bad, seeing him wince in pain. You’d buy him apology tea later but for now, you clasp your hands and call out to him sweetly. “Sorry, Timmers!”

Tim, equally as mature and well aware that you’re only half sorry, blows out a breath, muttering something colorful before shouting back: “we should get going if we wanna eat out after looting the museum.”

At that, you launch yourself off the scaffolding, your body feeling weightless as it falls. Tim drops your sweatshirt as he holds his arms out to catch you. He catches you easily. You two spin as you wrap your arms around him. 

“You are certifiably insane.” He laughs. His nose smooshed against yours. 

“And so are you.” You snort, hugging him. 

He hugs you back. You hum so softly into his hair that Tim wouldn’t be able to tell it from a breath if he were human.  Tim holds you close, hugging your waist tightly. He doesn’t really want to let you go. You don’t either.  You and Tim stand there for a bit when you hear his cell beep. 

“Why does your phone sound like a pager?” 

“Because Babs told me how to.”

“That literally explains nothing.”

“I’m not taking crap from the gremlin who had ‘Baby Shark’ as their ringtone for 12 months. WILLINGLY.”

You pout at him, your face so close to his. Tim’s only half paying attention to your defense. To be fair, it basically boiled down to ‘it isn’t that bad’ and ‘Bart’s ringtone is worse’. 

After a short shopping trip and a cab ride later, you arrive at the museum in fresh clothes and less paint on his face for Tim. 

“All the World’s a Stage. They botched it! The nerve! The barbarity of it all. It's just like when they botched ‘Words with Friends’ or ‘In Ice We Trust’ or even ‘Tomcat’. That last one was pretty much gift wrapped for them!” You say throwing up your hands nearly hitting Tim and whatever poor bastard was unlucky enough to be behind you. 

“For someone who isn't invested in modern media, you're getting fired up.” Tim chuckles, eyes flickering behind you. You had managed to miss the people behind you but you do have a rather conspicuous space behind you. 

“They had such good material to work with”  you say, gesticulating wildly. “And- and they butchered it.”

“You need a 5 minute breather?” Tim asks, resting a hand on your back. 

 “Shut up,” you laugh.

Tim grins at you as if he had no idea what this ultimate betrayal feels like. 

Determined to prove him wrong, you say : “C'mon, Timothy,  you ranted like this when they botched the star thingy.”

“It’s Star Wars, you heathen.”

“Star. Thingy.” You repeat, crossing your arms. 

Tim squints at you. You know he’s not gonna blow up at you but somehow that’s scarier. 

“You can pay for your own cab later.” He grumbles. 

“Star. Thing-Y.” 

Tim turns to leave. This always worked. Always without fail, you grab at his hand, lacing your fingers with his. Tim tries not to smile.

“Fine.”

“Was that so hard?”

“It was excruciating actually.”

“You're being dramatic.” He says, showing the woman behind the ticket counter your passes. 

“Excuse me, I left all my drama in the Renaissance.”

“Oh really?”

“Ok not really but admit that both Andromeda and Stars, Forgive Me have better writing.“ You bite out.

 “I- That’s unfair,” he says. You raise your brow in response. 

“...”

“Fine,” he sighs. “But admit that Andromeda should have been named ‘Space Whores’.”

You squint at him then smile. “Oh abso-posi-tute-ly.”

 “Have you seen this dirty old hockey mask?” You ask, tapping the glass as if the hockey mask would react if you just agitate it enough. 

 “What is that?” Tim asks, looking over your shoulder. His brows crinkles when he sees the mask. “How is that romantic?”

You hum. “Ask the curator?” You suggest, looking around. He was usually out and about. He could never sit still even if he tried. You lean down narrowing your eyes at the plaque. “Says here some dude called Jason terrorized 3 kids over summer.”

“That’s very romantic for our Jay to do.” Tim says, crossing his arms and switching to Cantonese. It was a weird habit but you knew why. Apparently for all Jason’s skill in languages he somehow could not get a handle on Cantonese. 

 “Not that Jason.” You say, smirking. 

“You sure?” Tim asks, leaning closer to you. 

You snicker,  “As in character as that would be...”

“True,” he says, edging closer and closer to you. You rock on your heels nervously at the proximity. “It’s a shame, I thought there would be a machete to match too…” You can feel Tim’s breath on your cheek. 

“OH LOOK AT THIS.” You say twisting away and pointing to a black and white photo. Tim’s hands leave his sides to grab for you, to pin you to his chest, but he has enough self control not to. Instead, he follows you.

“It’s just a man and a woman in business suits. Yanno something you can see in any metropolitan city.”

“Yes but,” you say, tracing a nonsensical pattern into the air, “I’ve heard a story about this, they were both extremely rich and heads of their companies, went from enemies to lovers - my all time favourite.” 

Tim looks closer at the photo of the man and woman with their backs to the camera just holding hands along the NYC sidewalk. It’s cute. “I thought your favorite was lovers to enemies.”

“Well of course, it is! The drama, the absolute tragedy. It’s better than any trope in existence. But I love that this is just black and white. You don’t need anything else to indicate they’re in love with each other.”

Tim is all too tempted to point out that that likely wasn’t intentional, that it was a limitation of the time, but the look in your eyes robbed him of his breath, so he swallowed his thoughts. 

Your eyes rove over the room frantically in search of something. 

“So is there any reason you wanted to go to this exhibit instead of watching lavalantula 10 in theaters?” Tim says, tapping another case. 

You turn to look at him, shock etched into your features.“10? We've seen lavalantula 1 through 9 in theaters? Why did I agree to that?”

“Cus you love me?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Probably not.”

Tim gives you a hurt look. 

You scowl at him. You have no idea why everyone thinks he’s the nice Wayne sibling. He is a manipulative little shit who plays you like a fiddle. And yet here you are falling for it. An absolute buffoon. 

You grumble an apology under your breath before continuing. “This is more cultural Timmers and lord knows we need more culture.” You wave sarcastically. 

“I think we've lived enough culture.”

“it cannot hurt to experience more Tim,” you snort. He rolls his eyes. You grab onto his arm and look up at him bright eyed. Two can play it at that game. “Please Tim....”

He scowls at you. “Fine-”

“Yes!”

“-but you owe me a movie marathon.”

“Fine. Fine,” you nod, “just don’t pick something dumb.”

“I just got the new star trek box collection.” He beams. 

“You could just shove me into a grave.” You sigh dramatically. 

Tim grins. “The Renaissance called-”

“Oh fuck you, Grackle.”

He snorts and you hate that you fall in love with him more every time he laughs. 

You cross your arms giving him a hard look. “Fine but we have to have an intermission of my choice.” You say, offering a hand. 

“Deal.” He says, shaking your outstretched hand. 

“Great, you've just agreed to watch the Great British Baking Show with me.” You say smug. 

Tim curses himself. 

"Are you still looking for that one painting?"

You tip your body back to look at him, your eyes wide and startled. It takes no time at all for them to shift to their usual angry shape. "Yes," you say quietly. It's Tim’s turn to be startled. Your hands curl into a fist. "It wasn't done and those bastards took it." 

Tim reaches out to put his hand on your shoulder. 

You cast your hands up to the sky dramatically.  "The barbarity of it all!"

Tim smiles, letting his hand fall to his side. You would be ok. 

You two walk on as Tim rants about StarGate  could have had a bigger fanbase if it hadn’t excluded so many people. You add StarGate to the list of things to not remember. 

You stop.

Your heart presses a bruise in your throat. 

Framed in  wood laden in ivy and marigolds is a painting that was painfully familiar.  Even unwashed, you can still see the bright reds of rose petals, the wild greens of the women’s skirts, the brilliant oranges of marigolds, and the blinding whites of cobble stones. The image was a practice in entropy made into perfection. The chaos of Valentine's day in a small town square reduced and captured in an infinitesimal moment.

Damian told you that people had started calling them Warsaw’s Faceless Sweethearts. You hated that.  A part of you wants to scream. You want to tell them that this wasn’t for them. This painting was made for one person and one person only.

You’ve been staring at it too long. Tim looks at you. You’ve known him too long to not know that he’s worried. That he’s feeling that stupid surge of protectiveness he always does when you go quiet. It’s in the cautious way he reaches out to you, slow and steady the way you approach a spooked animal. You want to lash out at him but he’s your Tim. Besides, too much of your mind is trapped in the painting, in the white gazebo, in between the couple who’s stuck in the moment before a kiss. 

Tim stands closer to you, his fingers lacing into yours with centuries worth or practice. He looks at the painting. “This painting looks familiar.” Tim says for the lack of anything better to say. It was yours. He knew that with only a few seconds of looking. 

“I… I don’t think so,” you say clumsily, “that’s definitely not the painting I’ve been looking for. Yup that one looks completely finished. Yup definitely.” You tug at Tim’s arm. 

He gives you a look, staying perfectly in place, before turning back to the painting. His gaze draws low. In a glass case sits scraps of paper lined with charcoal.  It takes an embarrassingly long time for Tim to realize that they’re sketches the artist did. Tim recognized the baker, the blacksmith, the seamstress, and even the constable. Most glaring of all he recognizes your marigolds.  His eyes drift to the sketches of the couple in  the gazebo. They were numerous, haphazard and unsatisfied. You were clearly frustrated with the groom’s face. Tim wonders who the poor guy could be. 

In the corner of the page in the center, he sees it.  “Wait… is that me?”

“NO!”

“Is that you?” He asks, pointing to the figure next to his. In the sketch, your lips are brushing against his. Tim’s lip tingles trying to replicate the sensation. 

You’re frozen stiff. You try to pull your hand away. You want to bury your face in them. Scratch that, you wanna be buried six feet under. Tim doesn’t let go of your hand. 

“That’s the umbrella you lost back in London.”

“I lost a lot in London, Timmy.” 

“Well...” Ok. Yeah, you did. Hence why he can’t get you to London even with the promise of letting you ‘improve’ Buckingham palace. But that isn’t the point. “(Y/n), this is gorgeous.” He says, turning to you. You look at him stunned and scared. He squeezes your hand.

You shake yourself out of his grip. Tim lets you. He knows when to back down. 

You step forward leaning on the rope separating you from your work. “I told you it wasn't finished.” You say, glaring at the painting as if willing the colors to move. 

“What happened?” He asks, bumping his shoulder against yours.

You bump your shoulder against his. “Warsaw.”

“I don’t follow.”

“That little town in Warsaw. It was kind of hard to finish the painting when soldiers were setting fires to houses. Ok, they didn’t do it directly but there was smoke.”

“Yeah kind of.” Tim agrees, smiling sadly. He looks back at the painting. “I want to keep it.”

“What?” You blink not quite following the shift in conversation. 

“Darling, I think we should have it. It’s ours after all.” Tim says holding your hand in his. Your mind is bouncing between too many things. He called you darling. He’s holding your hand. He’s smiling so sweetly at you. You’re addicted to that look in his eyes, pure unadulterated adoration. 

You cover your face with your free hand, feeling the smile on your face go uncomfortable wide. You feel something on your forehead, a kiss like a raindrop. It comes again and you feel like you’re going to collapse. 

“It’s yours..” He trails off hesitantly. “..if..” You look up at Tim, waiting with bated breath. Tim squeezes your hands. “...if you’ll be mine. ”

@batarella​, @anothertimdrakestan​, @lucy-roo​, @multifandomgirl-us​, @bungunz​, @birdy-bat-writes​,  @boosyboo9206​, @americasmarauders​ , @l-inkage​, @arestorationofbalance​ , @cloudie-skay​, @wunderstell​   @hyp-oh-critical​ @glorified-red​

#Tim Drake #tim drake x reader #tim drake imagines #vampire au

[adenei]

Ch. 3 - How to Win a Witch in 10 Days

Thursday - Pt. 3

Just when she thinks her life can’t get any stranger, James Potter walks back into it. How was she just sitting at the bar, scouting out potential men to dupe, when a blast from the past shows up at her side and asks her to dinner? Of all the nights and all the bars, they run into each other tonight.

Lily’s completely shaken on the inside but forces herself to remain calm, cool and collected. James Potter is the one that got away. The one who fancied her at Hogwarts, had asked her on countless dates—which she turned down—and by the time Lily finally realized she had feelings for him, he’d moved on. It hurt more than she expected it to, so when he walked up to her just minutes ago, Lily wasn’t sure how to react.

She intends to say no when he asks her to dinner, but something stops her. It takes a lot to admit to herself that she’s missed him over the past few years. After all, they were friends before he started dating Bridgette, and they had to work together as Head Boy and Head Girl. The lack of James’s presence left a gaping hole in her post-Hogwarts life that she never expected, and it’s only now that he’s here with her that she realizes just how badly she misses him.

“C’mon, Evans, it’s just dinner. Catching up can’t hurt, can it? I’ve missed you.”

Missed me? Seriously? Does he even realize that he was the one who changed everything? Years of incessant invitations to go on dates, and he finally wears her down only to yank the rug from underneath her by choosing someone else.

Part of her wants to slap him for being such an arsehole, but not if he doesn’t know he played with her heart three years ago. Not to mention that a physical altercation would certainly ruin her chances of picking up another guy. The more sensible thing is to tell him it was nice seeing him, but she’s meeting someone else, but what happens if he stays and realizes that it’s a lie? No, that wouldn’t do, either. Then, an idea pops into her mind. It’s certifiably insane, but if she plays her cards right, it could be the perfect opportunity for revenge.

There’s something so devilishly captivating about James Potter, and Lily decides she does want to get dinner with him. In fact, her mind is set on spending the next ten days with him. This could be Lily’s chance to prove to herself—and James—that they were never meant to be.

She glances up at him to see that he’s waiting for an answer, although he’s not pushy. He knows better than to press for a response. It’s funny how easy a single moment can bring her right back to the Great Hall or the Gryffindor common room. Her traitorous heart begins to beat in her chest as she tries to avoid the piercing hazel eyes that are begging her to let him in.

Well, you know what, Potter? Maybe I will let you in. I’ll let you in long enough to play with your heart like you played with mine, and we’ll see how you like it.

The plan continues to build in her mind, and then some. Luring James Potter into a relationship only to drive him away seems easy enough. After the debacle in school, Lily knows they’re better off apart, and maybe she’ll even gain the closure she didn’t think she needed. Plus, she supposed a snog or two in the process wouldn’t hurt anything if it came to that.

Lily visualizes the checklist sitting on her desk at work and mentally adjusts some of her ideas to make the game she’s playing more believable. Once all is said and done, James will realize it was a mistake to ever have approached her tonight, and Lily can have a bit of fun toying with James in the process. So, the hardened look she forced herself to give earlier now softens, and Lily even chances a smile. She sets her almost empty glass on the bar and glances around to see if she can find Alice and Marlene. They’re mingling on the other side of the room.

Well, they know I’m out to snag a man, so if they see I’m gone, they’ll know why. Lily shrugs as she turns back to James.

“Well, Potter, how can I resist when you put it like that? Lead the way.”

He holds out his arm, and Lily takes it. A smirk plays at her lips as she looks back in the direction of her friends one more time. She catches Alice’s eye and gives her a wink before turning back toward the door.

Let the games begin.

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” Lily admits as she tucks into her basket of fish and chips.

James has taken her into muggle London to grab a bite to eat, and Lily’s quite shocked by his choice. It’s a small hole in the wall shop that serves the greasiest food, but it’s delicious. The walls are laden with modern art murals and the wooden tables are covered in carved names. It’s a place Lily is sure University students go for a late-night snack or on their way home from a pub crawl. Aside from Lily and James’s semi-formal attire, they fit in well with the crowd.

“Why? Am I still as irresistible as I was at Hogwarts?” James still possesses the same air of confidence as Lily rolls her eyes.

Still as cocky as ever, it seems.

“No, I meant that I’m impressed that you know your way around muggle London.”

“Sirius and I discovered this place on one of our nights out a while back. I come here at least once a week.”

Lily smiles at the mention of another old friend. “How are Sirius and Remus anyway?’

“Brilliant! We were all living together until recently. Finally decided it was time to get our own places.”

“The Marauders have finally split?” Lily feigns shock.

“Nah, not entirely. We still work together.”

“Now, why doesn’t that surprise me?”

James laughs. “We work for Alastor’s Ads. I work mostly with clients from magical games and food, but I’m looking to branch out a bit more.”

“Fascinating. I always did think you could talk your way out of a paper bag,” Lily recalls.

“Come again?” James’s eyebrows crease and one side of his face scrunches in confusion.

“It’s a muggle saying.”

“Ah. What are you up to these days?”

“I write for Witch Weekly,” Lily keeps her explanation short. If he doesn’t know, then there’s no harm in keeping the How To column from him completely.

“Lily Evans, Head Girl, so much promise to do some good in the world, writes for Witch Weekly?” James says.

“It was a job. Now that I’ve got my foot in the door with a company and I’m gaining some credibility, I’ll be able to branch out and actually write what I want to write soon.”

“Soon? How long might that be?”

How does James always see right through her? It’s been three years, but he’s still as frustrating as ever.

“As long as it takes to find an opening in a position I want. I’m not looking to make a lateral move just to keep writing pieces I’m not passionate about.”

“And what are you passionate about?”

Lily fights the urge to answer him right away. She needs to keep the mystery there if she’s going to succeed in her endeavors.

“I could ask you the same question. Do you really want to be selling pitches to restaurateurs or quidditch teams for the rest of your career?”

“That’s a fair question.”

“And your answer is?”

“It depends. I’m working on branching out to different companies right now. I’ve submitted a proposal for Zabini’s Jewels and am hopeful I’ll get the pitch. Should know within the next week or so.”

“Interesting,” Lily responds.

“So, are you going to answer my question now?”

Of course, James doesn’t forget that she dodged his question, but that doesn’t stop her from feigning forgetfulness.

“What question?”

“What you’re passionate about,” James smirks at her, indicating he sees right through this act.

Lily sighs and figures she should answer him. “I want to write articles that can truly make a difference in someone’s life. I’m over the superficial bullshit.”

James leans back in his chair and smiles at Lily.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing. It’s just been nice spending time with you again.”

She returns his smile. “You know, as much as I might regret saying this later, you’re right. I got so wrapped up in finding a job and navigating life in the magical world that I wasn’t very good about keeping in touch with my friends.”

“I suppose I can forgive you for that.”

“Ah, I can die happy now, knowing you’ve forgiven me,” Lily winks at him.

“I aim to please,” James finishes their banter as they gather their things and get up from the table to head for the door.

They walk in silence for a while, and Lily basks in the enjoyment of James's company again. She wonders what he’s thinking about and whether their night should continue or if she should wait until tomorrow. Their feet lead them down a deserted alleyway in preparation to apparate out of muggle view. James pauses behind a dumpster and Lily follows suit.

“Do you want to come over?” James blurts, taking Lily by surprise.

Internally, she’s screaming yes, but it’s late on a Thursday and she still has to work tomorrow. She bites her bottom lip as James ruffles his hair with his hand.

“I’d like that, but I’m not sure if it's a good idea with work tomorrow.”

James lets out a gruff laugh. “Right, yeah, sorry—I just thought—”

“I had a good time tonight,” Lily reassures him. “Enough that I’d like to see you again if you’re interested?” She knows it’s ballsy to make the first move like that, but time is of the essence.

James’s eyes widen at her boldness. “Really?”

“I know, shocking, right?” she keeps her voice light and airy, while adrenaline is shooting through her body.

“Well, I’ve got tickets to the quidditch playoffs tomorrow—Arrows versus Magpies at seven. Perks of signing Appleby as a client,” James shrugs, trying to play it cool. “Just as friends, you know? I don’t want you to think it’s anything—”

“I’d love to!” Lily cuts him off.

She’s surprised that he’s backpedaling so much. He was never like that in Hogwarts. Then again, he probably figured he’d have a million more chances to wear her down. If he only knew….

“Really? Brilliant!” James’s tone sounds pleased, and Lily can sense a hint of relief in his voice. “There’s a Portkey leaving from the Leaky at six if you want to meet me there?”

“Sounds great.”

They both stand there awkwardly. Lily’s wondering if maybe she should have accepted his invitation to join him at his flat. She doesn’t want to kiss him on the first night, but after his invitation to the quidditch playoffs as friends, she knows she needs to do something to show him she’s interested in something more than that.

“So, I guess I’ll see you to—”

Lily realizes she’s out of time, and needs to do something so James is aware of her intentions. This is an act, and she has to play the clingy woman that moves before the time is right. Before she can talk herself out of it, Lily’s lunging toward James, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his with purpose. Her eyes close, so she doesn’t have to be disappointed if his reaction is anything less than eager.

She always imagined that the first kiss she’d share with James Potter would be soft and slow and sweet, with him instigating, and this is anything but. Thankfully it’s not forced, but it is awkward as she feels James freeze at the contact.

Shit. Maybe he really is over me. I must have read the signs wrong.

Lily pulls away and turns her head to the side in an attempt to avoid his gaze as mortification begins to set in. She’s about to berate herself more for making a terrible decision and losing a whole day for her article when she sees a flash of black hair out of the corner of her eye as he leans in to regain the previous closeness.

His lips are on hers again, and his hands are splayed against her back. Lily’s hands find their way back to their previous position as the kiss takes her breath away.

James Potter is kissing her back, and it’s everything Lily’s dreamt about since her seventh year of Hogwarts. His breath is hot against her as his tongue grazes her lip before tentatively slipping into her mouth. She parts her lips enough to invite him in as her tongue meets his. Lily presses herself against his body as James groans in response.

Suddenly, it’s as if a switch flips in Lily’s mind, and she remembers why she kissed him in the first place. Reluctantly, she pulls away. James looks just as awestruck as Lily feels, his chest heaving up and down much like her own. Lily forces the thoughts of being back in his arms from her mind despite how much she misses the contact. Once she’s gained enough composure, she chances a glance toward James. He looks as windswept as she feels.

“So, I’ll, er, see you tomorrow?” James’s tone is more cautious than she remembers from their time at Hogwarts.

He looks completely thrown off balance. Good, Lily thinks, knowing she needs to keep him on his toes.

She shoots him a coy smile. “Absolutely. As more than friends, I hope?”

It can’t hurt to solidify her intentions.

“Y-yeah,” James stutters.

Lily doesn’t think she’s ever seen him rendered speechless before and feels rather smug that she can accomplish the feat.

“Brilliant. See you tomorrow,” she winks at him before focusing on her flat and apparating away.

#jily fic #jily fanfiction #jily au #james x lily #inspired by how to lose a guy in 10 days #james potter #lily evans

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine - Chapter Two

Alright people, say it with me: Trust Issues. Also Finn goes from zero to one hundred real fast.

This is definitely a filler chapter; we’ll get to more spy stuff next chapter.

@lumosinlove

Chapter One

.

Finn made sure to get to the office early enough to have time for a trip down to the Archives, his second cup of coffee in hand as he took the elevator up to the fifth floor of the building. He needed intel. Not on the Snakes – they were getting briefed on them later today. No, he was looking for files on his new partners.

Granted, he could learn a lot from observing them on his own time, but that could only give him so much. In order to get the full picture, he needed their hometowns, history, information about their families, jobs they’d done in the past, you name it. Because, for one of the only times in his life, he was stumped. His entire job was based on how well he could read people; this was frustratingly unusual.

Unusually frustrating? Finn questioned as elevator opened with a ding.

It was both frustrating and unusual. There.

Figuring Logan out was harder than he’d thought it would be. Finn was having a really hard time connecting the Logan he knew from two months ago to the one he was trying to get to know now. He was so different compared to the version of Logan he’d met at the New Year’s party… but alcohol tended to have that effect on people. The guy who cuddled with him on that ratty old couch while nursing a rum and coke now kept his distance. The easy smile and contagious laugh Finn remembered hadn’t been seen or heard since. He was so guarded. About everything, it seemed like. That made him hard to get to know, hard to predict. 

And then there was Leo. Leo made absolutely no sense, in Finn’s opinion. With constant movement but controlled, practiced actions, he was a paradoxical combination of restless and serene. His nerves pointed towards inexperience, but his eyes told a different story – one with complete confidence of his capabilities. He was an enigma. And Finn couldn’t seem to get a read on him.

That was important to Finn. He needed to be able to read and understand his partners. He needed to be able to know their thoughts, predict their every move, trust them. They wouldn’t work together otherwise.

So he woke up at a god-forsaken hour – it was still dark outside – and here he was, outside the Archives.

Staring at the back, broad shoulders, and brown hair of one of his new partners.

Fuck.

He put on a smile. “If I’d known I was meeting you here, I would’ve brought coffee for you.”

Logan didn’t tense, exactly, but his shoulders stiffened slightly. He turned and smiled back. It still wasn’t the smile Finn remembered from that night, wasn’t the one he wanted to see again so badly. “Hey. I see you had the same idea as me.”

“And what’s that?”

He shrugged, indifferent. “Getting intel on your new partners.”

“Nah,” Finn lied as they walked side-by-side to the front desk, “I’m here to brush up on the previous missions against the Snakes’ before our briefing this afternoon. But it’s nice that you want to do your research on us.” He winked. Logan’s lips twitched in an attempt to withhold a smile.

“Can I help you boys?”

Finn turned his bright smile to Lily Potter, who was manning the Archives desk. “Hello, my fellow redhead! We would like the files on past Snakes’ missions, and then the files on Knut, Tremblay, and yours truly, please.”

She arched an eyebrow. “How much time do you have on your hands?”

“Don’t have anything on my schedule until this afternoon. Why?”

“The missions will take you at least two days to get through. It’s probably eight, ten years of files.”

Finn whistled lowly. “Holy shit.”

He hadn’t really thought this through. In his defense, though, it was a spur of the moment idea.

“Well, just the other files, then. Someone over here wants to do research on his new partners.”

Lily sent Logan a curious glance, but left to grab the files. Finn turned to Logan with a flirtatious smile, resting his arm on the desk. “So, what all do you want to know? I’m an open book.”

“I seriously doubt that.”  Logan snorted, nose crinkling in the process.

Finn’s smile turned more genuine. God, he was cute. “Ok, then ask away. Here, I’ll help you out. I’m a Gemini, I graduated from Harvard, I’m a sucker for green eyes, I enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach as long as there’s no seaweed-”

“Why would you think any of that is relevant?”

“I give you all this information and that’s the first question you ask? I’m offended.” Lily chose that moment to return with three files, two significantly thicker than the other one. Finn thanked her and grabbed Logan’s file for himself before passing the other two to Logan.

“Have fun researching!” Finn said as he turned to head for the elevator again. He paused before looking back at Logan and adding with a wink, “Oh, and pass along Nut’s file to me when you’re done reading it.”

***

Remus stepped foot into the briefing room to find Sirius already there, messing with a laptop. Where he got said laptop was unknown. And a little worrying, seeing that he’d shown up in Gryffindor with a bag of clothes, some cash, and nothing else.

He glanced up at Remus and looked him over with a smile. “Good afternoon. Long time, no see.”

“What are you up to?” Remus asked as he set his bag down, clutching his cup of tea in his other hand and looking back at Sirius. There were bags under his eyes, reminding Remus of the fact that he was still sleeping on his couch. Sleeping was a loose term, though. He had also been awake when Remus had gone to bed and when he got up in the morning. Did the man ever sleep?

“Oh, nothing much.” Sirius said, hitting a few keys on the laptop in rapid succession. “Getting ready to brief the cubs.”

“The cubs?”

“Your logo is a lion. And they’re the youngest ones here, right? Hence the cubs.”

“Cute.” Remus sat down in one of the chairs with a sigh and took a sip of his tea. “So what are you briefing them on today?”

“Members of the Snakes. I have a powerpoint with pictures and everything.”

“Oh god.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Better than me droning on and expecting them to stay focused.”

“They’re spies. Sometimes, that’s part of the job.”

“Sure. But it doesn’t have to be.”

Remus smiled a little at that. “How thoughtful of you.”

“I try.”

He hummed, cupping his mug with both hands. “You know, if you were really thoughtful you’d stop leaving your dishes in the sink.”

That startled a laugh out of Sirius. “Now, why would I do that when it’s so fun to get on your nerves?”

“You don’t get on my nerves.”

Sirius arched an eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” He took another sip of tea to hide his smile. “I’m a very patient man.”

Sirius was still laughing by the time Knut, O’Hara, and Tremblay entered the room. They all sat side by side, not really talking much and still a little unsure of each other. That needed to change soon. You couldn’t afford to be doubting your partners while on missions like the ones they’d be getting into.

“Alright, cubs! Let’s get started, shall we?” Sirius asked, connecting the laptop to the room’s projector. “Today we’re going over the members of the Snakes and what all you need to know about them.”

An animated picture of a snake in a party hat showed up on the projector. Remus sighed.

“Ok, so we’ll start at the top.” He switched to the next slide. “This is Riddle. Fuck Riddle. He’s in charge of every little detail of the Snakes, and very paranoid about handing over tasks to other members. He’s got a lot of messed up ideas about ethics and – well, pretty much everything.”

“What’s wrong with his eyes?” Logan asked, still staring uncomfortably at the yellow eyes on the screen.

Sirius shrugged. “I think it’s a genetics thing. Something about liver issues. I never really paid attention. On to the next member!”

A picture of a greasy-haired man with a sour expression on his face glared back at them.

“Snape.” Remus said with disdain. At Sirius’ look, he just shrugged. “Pots has gone up against him a few times. He hates the guy and makes sure everyone knows it. He works in the drug side of their operation.”

“Exactly.” Sirius smiled, which proved to be more distracting than Remus thought it would be. There had been teasing smiles, flirty smiles, sarcastic smiles, but this one was new. This was one of the first genuine smiles he’d seen from the ex-Snake. “I think I like Potter a little more now.”

“I think you two could actually be really good friends, and that terrifies me.”

“Ok, next is Bellatrix. Please, please avoid her as much as possible. She’s certifiably insane.”

Finn frowned. “She’s got one of the flash drives, right?”

“Unfortunately, yes. So it’s going to be up to you to distract her and Leo to grab the drive, probably.”

Both boys paled a little, then looked to each other, seeming to have a silent conversation all their own.

Sirius moved on to the next slide, where a man with cold eyes and a feral smile looked back at them. “This is Fenrir Greyback. Don’t fuck around with this one, he’s ruthless.”

Finn and Logan’s eyes snapped over to Loops, who looked pale and slightly nauseous. His hand was on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, massaging the muscle absentmindedly. Not for the first time, Finn wondered what exactly happened on that mission. All he knew was that Loops was supposed to take Greyback down and he came back with a mutilated shoulder and new cuts on his face that were sure to scar. He hadn’t been back in the field since.

Leo’s gaze moved from one person in the room to the next, slowly piecing together the story. He didn’t know all the details yet, but he knew they couldn’t be good.

Sirius, who was still talking, finally seemed to connect the dots. His eyes got wide and his sentence trailed off to remain incomplete. He stared at Loops in horror. “Fuck.”

“I think that’s enough for today.” Leo said quietly but firmly, getting out of his seat while giving Remus a meaningful look. His partners followed suit. “We can pick this up again tomorrow.”

The three of them left in a hurry, leaving Sirius and Remus alone. Remus started grabbing his meticulously organized notes and shoved them in his bag. He could feel Sirius’ gaze on him, but he refused to look up.

“Listen, Remus, I had no idea –”

“Of course you didn’t.” Remus cut in calmly. “How could you have known? Hell, you probably congratulated him after that mission –”

“That’s not true –”

“But you were there. You knew what he did to people and yet you just stood by.”

“Why do you think I left?” Sirius demanded, his voice raising. Remus finally met his gaze. “You weren’t the only one who got screwed over by the Snakes. I grew up watching that shit, just assuming it was normal because that’s the way it’s always been there. And then I realized my parents were monsters and started thinking for myself and realized how fucked up that organization is. Do you really think I’d be here if I condoned that sort of shit?”

“Honestly? I wasn’t sure you cared. The only motivation for wanting to take the Snakes down that you’ve deigned to share with us is that you want your brother safe. You’ve never said anything about how you feel about the organization itself.”

“What are you smoking?” Sirius asked with an incredulous laugh. “I want my brother safe because he’s in that hellhole. What other reason –”

“Then tell us that!” Remus shouted, finally getting Sirius to stop talking. “You keep everything so close to your chest, you don’t seem to want to interact with any of us, and you don’t tell us anything but the bare minimum. How are we supposed to get anything done if we can’t trust you?”

“That’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? I swear, you’re one of the most guarded people I’ve ever met!”

“Well, you don’t really need to get to know me, do you?” Remus fired back. Sirius froze. “You’re here to take the Snakes down. That’s it. When all this is done, it’s not like you’re going to stay. You don’t have to trust me as a friend, but trust me as an agent.”

“That’s it, huh?” Sirius asked, voice dangerously blank.

“That’s it.”

“Fine.” He said gruffly, slamming the laptop closed and grabbing his jacket from the back of a nearby chair. “I’m headed out. Don’t wait up.”

Remus sighed, staring down at his mug and swirling the now-cold contents. Even though they’d gotten along surprisingly well the past couple of days, they weren’t friends. And they didn’t need to be friends. This was business. They were working together to get a job done. That was all. 

Remus knew that the two of them getting along so well was like an already-lit fuse - it was bound to blow up in their faces sooner rather than later. 

***

Finn walked into the safe room, whistling lowly as he looked around. He’d never been in here before – he hadn’t had a reason to. There were safes of all different types and sizes littered around the room. On tables, on the floor, embedded in the walls. He wondered how many safes there were total, and how long it had taken to collect them all.

Leo was seated criss-cross-applesauce in front of one, pressing a stethoscope against the door of a safe and rotating the dial slowly. Finn smiled a little at the sight. This made more sense, seeing it in action. The constant fidgeting was replaced with stillness, the only movement being those of deft fingers against the dial. All that motion and pent-up energy were now focused solely on the safe. 

He walked up to Leo, completely unnoticed, and tapped on his shoulder. Leo jumped a foot into the air, yanking the stethoscope out of his ears and whirling around to look at Finn. “Fuck, you scared me.”

“Sorry, Nut.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Coming to see you, obviously.” Finn said with a wink. “Tremblay and I were wondering if you wanted to get dinner with us. You know,” Finn made a weird motion with his hand and then cringed, moving his hand behind his back and grabbing it with his other hand to keep from performing any more weird, random movements. “Get to know the team and all that.”

Leo’s smile lit up the room. “I’d love to! Y’all headed out right now?”

Y’all.

Wow, his genteel southern-boy routine could really take him places in this profession. With that combined with his looks, no one would ever think he could possibly be guilty of anything.

“Probably. It’s almost seven.”

Leo blinked, confused. “Is it?” At Finn’s nod, he uncrossed his legs and stretched, his back popping in the process. “Guess we should get going then, huh?”

“Yeah.” Finn held out a hand and helped the blond to his feet. He really was just a giant. How did he find clothes that fit him? Finn glanced down at Leo’s shirtsleeves and - sure enough - they were an inch or two above his wrists. He realized he was sort of staring at this guy’s wrists, of all things, and his eyes shot back up to meet kind, albeit confused, blue eyes. “We were thinking Sid’s for dinner? You been there before?” When Leo shook his head, he groaned. “You’re missing out, Nut. We’re fixing that right now. Come on.”

He led Leo back down the hall to the bullpen, where Logan was still pouring over files. How he ever expected to get through the huge pile of files on his desk, Finn had no idea. “Look alive, Tremblay. We’re getting pizza.”

Logan instantly looked up with a hopeful smile. “Sid’s?”

“Where else?” Finn laughed as Logan shot out of his seat and grabbed his coat. He’d never seen the other agent move so fast. “Hungry?”

Logan turned to look at him, his arm getting stuck in the sleeve of his coat. He grumbled under his breath in a language that definitely wasn’t English and shoved his arm into his sleeve. “I’m going to eat an entire pizza and you can’t stop me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

They stepped out of the building together, taking a right and heading down the street. It wasn’t actually that cold outside, for a Gryffindor winter – only thirty-five degrees or so. But Nut still shoved his hands into his pockets and nuzzled his nose into his coat. Finn couldn’t hold back the smile at the sight, noticing red-tipped ears and a slight shiver.

“Cold, Nut?” Logan asked, also noticing the blond’s hunched shoulders.

He looked at his new partners, then buried his nose again. “Don’t judge me. New Orleans winters aren’t nearly this bad.”

“New Orleans, huh?” Logan questioned, although Finn knew he was already aware of Leo’s hometown. It was in his file, after all. “I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“Ooh, yes!” Finn agreed, leading them around a corner. “The home of Mardis Gras.”

Leo shrugged. “If we’re being technical Mobile, Alabama had the first Mardis Gras celebration in the States. We just do it better. There’s a ton of people, though. If you really want to see the city, come at a better time in the year.” He sent the other two boys a smile. “Maybe summer, so you can experience real southern heat. And humidity.”

“No thanks.” They said in unison, making Leo laugh. The conversation trailed off as they waited for the sign at a crosswalk.

“Where are the two of you from?” Leo finally asked as the red hand morphed into a walking man and the ticking from the crosswalk speakers changed tempo. They stepped into the street with Logan staring down cars that could potentially start moving again and hit them.

Finn thought that was cute.

Maybe Finn was looking at his personality the wrong way. Guarded wasn’t the right adjective for him - protective fit much better.

“New York City.” He rushed to answer Leo’s question as they reached the other side of the street, pointing out the Sid’s sign for Leo.

“Canada.” Logan said a bit gruffly, but you could hear the fondness in his voice.

Leo arched an eyebrow. “Now I understand why you’re so accustomed to the cold.”

Finn held open the door to Sid’s, motioning for the other two to go on ahead. “You’ll get used to it, too, Nut. Logan, can you believe he’s never had Sid’s before?”

Logan went off on a tangent about the perfection that is Sid’s margherita pizza as they were led to their table by a young waiter, who eyed them curiously. They sat down and Finn noticed Logan choosing a seat facing the rest of the restaurant, back to the wall. He looked around at the others in the building, only relaxing when he deemed the coast to be clear.

They quickly looked over the menu, Finn and Logan giving recommendations about their favorite dishes (practically all of them) and began telling lighthearted stories about where they were from and how they grew up while waiting for their food. Leo’s leg was constantly bouncing under the table, but he looked happy and relaxed, which Finn took as a good sign. Finn finally, finally got one of those rare New Year’s party smiles again, as well as a new sunny, dimpled smile from Leo - both of which he really wanted to keep seeing.

He didn’t understand why he was making such a big deal of causing his partners to smile.

Ok, he might’ve had a slight idea. But he didn’t want to think about it too hard. Not yet, at least.

It was only when their pizzas arrived that Logan brought out the big guns.

“So what made you decide to do this for a living?” He asked, sticking his tongue out to catch a stray string of cheese from his pizza slice. Finn tried not to follow the motion too closely, for his own sanity. “For me, it was Dumo. He was our next-door neighbor growing up, after we moved from Canada. I remember he was always away on business trips, but he would  come back looking exhausted and a little beat up. I’d go visit Celeste while he was away – she was always so worried, so I knew something was up. I can’t remember exactly how I found out, but I think I was thirteen or so when I figured out what his job was.” Logan shrugged. “Nothing else really interested me after that.”

“You guys are close, then?” Leo asked, maintaining eye contact with Logan and grabbing the container of red pepper flakes, liberally adding it to his pizza. Finn watched on in horror. Had he previously burned all his taste buds off or something?

Logan smiled. “Yeah. He’s like a dad to me. The whole family’s great. I babysit their kids all the time.”

That was a mental image Finn would be thinking about for the foreseeable future. God, he was screwed, wasn’t he?

He hurried to talk and take his mind off of it. “I got recruited right out of college. I’ve got a good memory and a knack for predicting people and how they’ll react to things. I jumped at the opportunity.” 

He smiled fondly at the memories his mind brought up. “My brother and I grew up on James Bond movies. How cool would it be to do that for my career? So I joined. The obvious next step was becoming a conman, I guess. It’s where I fit best.”

They looked to Leo, who seemed mildly embarrassed. “My Mama caught me pickpocketing on Bourbon Street.”

Logan and Finn took a moment to process that, and then cracked up. Leo waited for them to calm back down, smiling sheepishly before he continued, “She said if I was going to do stuff like that, I should at least be doing some good in the world. So she googled and found Gryffindor and asked some recruiters to meet with me. I came home from school one day to Blizzard and Talker sitting on my couch, eating my mom’s jambalaya.” Logan and Finn laughed again while Leo dragged his crust through some marinara sauce. “Next thing I knew, I was driving a moving truck across the country.”

“Do you miss home?” Logan asked, finally shoving his plate away.

Leo shrugged, looking back and forth between the other two knowingly. “Doesn’t everyone miss home, in one way or another?”

Finn wasn’t even sure what home was to him anymore. Maybe he’d figure it out one of these days. He glanced over at his new partners. Logan also looked pensive, apparently grappling with Leo’s words as well. 

Leo seemed completely unfazed, his leg bouncing again. “Does anyone want dessert?”

#lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #coops #sirius black #remus lupin #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #leo knut #clandestine

[absolutepokemontrash]

This took forever…
 (Click for Quality!)
 SO! I finally got a proper fully colored drawing of my Obey Me MC! Character info + her relationship with the bros under the cut so I don’t clog up the tags!

Character info first!

Himiko is the third oldest in a family of seven sisters and is arguably the most responsible of the bunch. You could say she’s the Lucifer of her family, but if you’d like to continue living I’d recommend against saying that. 


She puts on the facade of a proper and polite lady but deep down she’s hiding a metric tonne of snark and sass, and even deeper she’s hiding a caring older sister type who would take a bullet for you.

You may be asking yourself, why is she wearing a devil horn headband? The answer? Spite. She was wearing it pre Devildom too so it has nothing to do with the boys! 


Her family is *incredibly* wealthy, so while she did learn a lot of things, it’s kind of turned Himiko into a bit of a dumbass when it comes to normal everyday household things. Ask her how to understand the political history of Japan and she’ll give you a five hour lecture on the topic, but ask her to cook dinner and you’ll need to call the fire department. 


Her birthday is December 25 and she’s 20 years old at the start of the game.

Himiko has… problems with emotional intimacy. She’s never really had the opportunity to really bond with anyone outside her sisters, so the idea that she could ever care deeply for someone that ISN’T family is absolutely terrifying to her. (Welp, bad news for her because she’s about to be forcibly adopted into a family of crazies) 


When she first got dropped into the Devildom… Hoo boy… her entire life she had been put on a pedestal and no one other than her sisters had dared to say ANYTHING critical of her in her presence and now she’s figuratively AND literally at the bottom of the food chain… let’s just say reality hit her hard in the face.

Relationships!

Himiko thought Lucifer was the one sane person in the entire House of Lamentation. That opinion did NOT last long. After the first attempted murder and the shit he said at the retreat, Himiko and Lucifer’s opinions of each other were in the gutter. Then the London trip happened! Their opinions of each other rose! Then the first timeline’s Belphie incident happened and oh wow would you look at that, back into the gutter. Damn. FINALLY, after all the time travel shit, they both think of each other as a pain in the neck, but if anything happened to the other there’d be blood spilled. It’s tough when Himiko’s biggest flaw is her own pride and she’s actively needling the Avatar of Pride.

Mammon was Himiko’s worst nightmare made reality. This person, widely regarded as a scumbag moron was supposed to protect her??? Uh uh. No. Mammon thought that Himiko was the human embodiment of annoying. At least till the Goldie hostage situation, Himiko mainly went along with it because she wanted revenge for all the eating-related threats and name-calling. Now, Himi’s way to prideful to ever admit this buuuuuut, she was incredibly lonely during her first week. She needed a friend and she needed one FAST. Before the two needed to binge TSL, Himiko took Mammon shopping under the guise of needing him to carry her shopping bags, and ended up buying him a sick new jacket and sunglasses. You can buy affection right? Apparently. Or was it the compliments she gave him while she was making him try on the jacket? We’ll never know for sure. Listen, just because the two of them want to spend a lot of time together DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON EACH OTHER ALRIGHT?! HAND HOLDING SHOULDN’T MAKE HIMIKO THIS NERVOUS UGH-

W E E B P O W E R U N I T E! Well, not at first. Himiko’s a closet weeb! She probably teased the crap out of Levi about how much he obsessed over his “totally stupid” anime. It was all fun and games until Levi walked in on Himiko watching Sailor Moon. “YOU LIKE ANIME?!” “N-NO!” “YOU’RE AN OTAKU TOO!” “W-WAIT! NO I’M NOT!” “WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ANIME????” “…Madoka Magica.” Now the two are anime and gaming buddies! At first Levi was miffed about Himiko’s rampant hypocrisy buuuuut they both moved past it for the greater anime good.

Satan and Himiko’s joined energy is too much for Lucifer to handle. The two are constantly pestering him to let them get a cat, and they somehow found the time to collaborate on a 50 slide PowerPoint presentation on why Lucifer would suck 55% more if he didn’t let them get a cat. At first, Himiko was low-key intimidated by Satan, and he generally seemed pretty disinterested in most of the shenanigans she got up to until they made a pact. Now they’re pretty good buddies and think quite highly of each other.

Himiko: The circumstances of one’s birth is irrelevant, it’s what you do with your life that matters.

Satan: Thanks Himiko. That’s nice of you to say.

Levi (whispering to Himiko): Are you quoting Mewtwo???

Himiko (whispering): Shut up! It’s making him feel better isn’t it??

If this were a musical, Asmo definitely would sing a rendition of Popular with Himiko. Before the pact was made, Himiko *really* wanted to be Asmo’s friend but would never admit it, his sass was impeccable! Asmo thought Himiko was cute yeah, but nothing special. After the pact, total besties. It takes a true friend or a certified insane person to tell the Avatar of Lust that the shade of blue he’s going to go clubbing in isn’t doing him any favours and he should change into different shoes. The Himi/Asmo duo is to be feared by all who come across them.

For the love of all things good in the world DO NOT LET BEEL AND HIMIKO NEAR YOUR FRIDGE! At the start, Himiko found Beel’s near constant eating annoying as HELL. Like, he’s the avatar of gluttony but all that *gross* junk food must be wreaking havoc on- Holy shit junk food is amazing. After the hiding Luke incident where Himiko’s big sister instincts ™ kicked in and she got between Beel and Lucifer, Himiko had to come to terms with the fact that she may *actually* care about some of the people she had met. After all the other shenanigans, Beel is basically her thousands of years older little brother.

 Belphie… hoo boy… strike one: He took advantage of Himiko’s rarely seen sweet side. Strike 2: he fuckin killed her dude! Belphie is yet to hit strike 3. I like to think there’d be a mini lesson between 16 and 17 where the two hash out their issues. After that, their relationship is probably the closest to an actual sibling relationship. They annoy and tease the everloving shit out of each other but if anyone messes with one of them the unfortunate soul will have to deal with the other AND Beel.

I might do the undatables if anyone actually cares and I’m not just talking to a brick wall lol. Thanks for making it this far and reading all my OC brainrot!

#Obey Me #Obey Me! #Obey Me! MC #Obey Me MC #Obey Me Lucifer #Obey Me! Lucifer #Obey me mammon #Obey Me! Mammon #Obey Me Leviathan #Obey Me! Leviathan #Obey Me Satan #Obey Me! Satan #obey me! asmodeus #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me! beelzebub #obey me! belphegor #obey me belphegor

[peach-pops]

Hi I just saw the Ukai request thing and I was wondering if I could get some head cannons of anyone on the team, falling hard for ukais daughter or niece

This was so fun to write! I never actually imply this in the request but the reader is adopted cause it’s more inclusive that way! I chose Daichi and Tanaka cause they seem like they would have Ukai react way differently!

Daichi & Tanaka Going Out With Ukai’s Daughter HC

➣Daichi

Okay so Daichi, being the captain and all, if there’s one thing he is really good at, it is respecting authority and understanding the chain of command

He’s worked from being a mere first-year peasant to being the daddy captain we all know and love

That’s why when he starts to catch feelings for Ukai’s daughter, he does his best to never step over the line because he doesn’t want to disrespect his family in any way 

It all started when you would show up to practice since Ukai didn’t want you alone at home but he gave everyone the speech to keep their eyes off of his kid

He made it a point to point out that you were his only child, his only daughter and that he would crack skulls without hesitation if any of the boys made you uncomfortable 

And yes, He looked at Tanaka and Noya the whole time because I swear they’ll simp for anything with two legs and a heartbeat 

Daichi doesn’t catch feelings for you right away though. He acknowledges that you’re pretty but it isn’t until you two slowly started to get to know each other more and more when Daichi realizes how hard he is falling for you

He’s sometimes a bit scared to make a move during volleyball practice since your dad is always like two feet away but you two share a class so you can bet your ass that he’s always sitting next to you and making up any excuse to talk to you

The two of you aren’t even dating but he is already so whipped for you 

Exhibit A

One day before practice, you complained that you had broken your headphones so without even asking you, he rushed to his house to get his pair and came back all sweaty and red, handing them over to you 

Exhibit B

Your favorite drink was stuck in the vending machine and you couldn’t shake it hard enough to make it drop but Daichi went over and bought four drinks so that way it could knock yours over 

Like you’re telling me that isn’t the cutest shit ever? Are my standards just low? ANYWAYS 

You eventually catch feelings for him cause duh look at him he’s perfect but you know that if it were to get more serious, Daichi would have to talk to your dad 

You knew you couldn’t go behind your dad’s back so telling him was the best and only option 

The whole time during practice, Daichi was nervous as hell. He really liked you but he also really respected his coach so he wasn’t even sure exactly how to go about it 

But when you gave his hand a light squeeze, it gave him a big boost of confidence cause screw it, you were worth it

So Daichi sucks it up and the two of you go up to Coach Ukai and he is such a confident and respectful dude he doesn’t even stutter

“ Coach Ukai, I want you to be the first to know that I have feelings for your daughter and she feels the same way about me. I know you’re protective of her but I would never do anything to hurt her, I can promise you that. If it’s okay with you, I’m planning to take her on a date this weekend if you would let me.”

“ Nope.” Ukai said simply as you whined and gave your dad the biggest puppy dog eyes

“  DAD!” You scolded as Ukai rolled his eyes,” Come on, wouldn’t you rather me date  the captain of a team that you can always keep an eye on than I don’t know, some asshole from a different team?”

“ Why does he have to be in volleyball in the first place? Better yet, why do you even need to date a boy? Are you trying to kill me?” Your dad asked as he looked between the two of you 

Ukai did realize deep down that Daichi was arguably the best option you had-He rather you be with Daichi than anyone else around your age group.

A part of Ukai knew that while he loved to see Daichi squirm, he really was a good guy and he just liked giving him a hard time 

“ Fine, have her home by ten.”

“ What about ten-thirty?” You asked as Daichi squeezed your hand and shook his head

“ No it’s okay, ten works just fine,” Daichi smiled back as Ukai couldn’t help but smirk because yep, you picked a good one 

Fast forward to your date and Daichi is outside your house dressed SO NICELY boy has a hot ass button up and everything 

And duh he has flowers for you he’s so cute I’m simping yall 

Obviously, Ukai opens the door and just shakes his head when he sees Daichi all nervous

“ No touching, I mean it kid. There has to be at least three feet between the two of you at all times and remember, if you ever hurt her I will personally bring a bat over to your house and-” 

“ Oh my god please stop, we’ll see you later!” You slip past your dad and grab Daichi’s arm to pull him down the driveway

“  I SAID NO TOUCHING!” 

➣Tanaka

Okay so you know how I said that Coach Ukai wouldn’t be too opposed with you going out with Daichi? Yeahhhh Tanaka is definitely one of the guys he much rather you not go out with at all

I honestly think Ukai sees so much of his younger self in Tanaka and that freaks him out

ANYWAY Lets go to the beginning tho

Tanaka first knows that he is crushing hard on you when he said the stupidest joke in class and of course, you were the only one to laugh cause lets be real, your sense of humor is pretty shit thanks to the internet 

And tanaka is like “ mhm yes I’ll marry you now” cause bruh no one laughs at my mans jokes he is SLEPT ON 

You two start hanging out and pretty quickly, you both are crushing extra hard on each other. It’s only been maybe like a week or two and you two are so uwu with each other it’s insane

One day before practice, you give him a quick kiss outside of the gym but Tanaka is a certified Clingy Boy™ so he pulls you back in for another one that’s much longer 

“ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!” 

You both whip your heads around to find Coach Ukai with literal smoke coming out of his ears as he is glaring so hard at Tanaka 

Tanaka’s headass is like “oh im probably getting yelled at for PDA or maybe I lost track of time and I’m late to practice” but oh boy is he wrong

Idk if you guys collectively share one braincell or whatever but it just clicks now for you that “ oh shit, we are so fucked” 

“ Dad, I can explain-”

Tanaka doesn’t even hear the rest of the conversation like his brain shuts down when he hears you say the word Dad 

And he’s thinking in his head that maybe you just call coaches dad for some weird reason but no, Ukai is actually your dad

There’s so much yelling that the rest of the Karasuno members are outside of the gym doors listening in on the conversation because they’re nosey as hell 

Noya is definitely conflicted because heck yes, his boy is dating a female but he also wants to laugh because of course, Tanaka is having bad luck 

Suga thinks it is HILARIOUS 

But anyway

After a whole bunch of yelling, Ukai just says screw it and starts practice and you promise that you’ll talk to him at home but he makes you stay in the gym so he can take you straight home after

BRUH during the whole practice Tanaka does soooooo bad like hes nervous and he feels so guilty

Obviously, if he knew about your dad he would’ve planned it out much better and even ask for his blessing but it was too late to be worrying about what he could’ve done 

“  Don’t be hard on him please. I swear, it didn’t even click that you were his coach and I didn’t want to go behind your back like that,” You said as your dad sat down next to you on the bench as the boys did drills,” but you overreacted. You know he’s sensitive and he’s going to keep beating himself up about it.” 

“ How do you think I feel seeing my daughter kiss a boy? Why can’t you wait until you’re thirty to have a boyfriend? ” Ukai knew you were at the age where he couldn’t keep you away from boys but he was just so protective 

You were his only kid but because you were his daughter, it only complicated things

I already know Ukai raised such a big daddy’s girl (not in a weird way yall) and while he knows he raised you to be super strong, he just wants to protect you from heartache

“ I really like him and he makes me happy and I promise, we won’t even interact with each other if we are around you if it makes you uncomfortable.”

That wasn’t the most comforting thought to Ukai but he knew he was wrapped around your finger and that he would eventually cave in

It took some time for him to get used to the two of you being together. You two never went on any dates at first because Tanaka wanted to ease your dad into the idea of you two being together

But it wasn’t until Ukai saw how protective Tanaka was whenever you would come along to tournaments that Ukai started to feel better at the idea 

Like Tanaka would go FERAL if a guy even looked at you the wrong way and Ukai was secretly like “ yeah you tell em!” 

It was actually comforting to Ukai that you were dating someone who would literally lay their life on the line for you at any given moment because as your dad, he would do the same

So after a few weeks, it was actually Ukai who went up to Tanaka to talk about the two of you going on dates

“ You have my blessing but just know, if you even look at my daughter the wrong way, I will kill you, no questions asked.” 

Tanaka was actually relieved because to him, that was such an easy request. He couldn’t even imagine hurting you or ever making you upset so he was already thinking of date ideas once Ukai finished his sentence

“ Should I start calling you dad now?”

“ Don’t push it.”  

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