#this coloring is atrocious no one comment on it

[nspired1fanfiction]

Commission for Ichor & Pomegranate

Art by MadBedlam , Fanfic Art

Chapter 3:

"Fortunately, with Marcia's case still being an active investigation, we've been able to keep the church closed. Only the forensic investigator has been in and out of the building since the initial crews came in." He answered as he handed her the crime scene investigation kit. "If we find the pinecone, I'll let you bag it. I want you to make your assessments like you have been."

"Yes, sir," Jill murmured while she studied the contents of the kit before closing it back up.

The double doors to the church were locked and she watched Wesker pull out a set of keys from his pocket before he paused and glanced down at her.

"Did you bring your tension wrenches?" he asked with another cock of his head.

With her mouth dropping open slightly, "Sir, that's a crime." When his eyebrows went up, she quirked her lips, patted a pouch on her belt, and continued, "Of course I did. May I?"

"You may not, Valentine," his tone was colored with amusement when he put the key in the door and pushed it open. "I just wanted to be certain that my little B&E Specialist was adequately prepared."

She smiled at his back from his usage of her previous taunt back in the car and followed him through the threshold.

The tall chandelier hung a good ten feet from the vaulted ceiling and was bright enough to light the rich textures of the following room.

"Beautiful," Jill breathed into the muted atmosphere of the Nave.

Her captain shifted beside her, but he made no comment on the scenery and was instead looking toward a taped off area to the right.

She followed behind him again as he led her down the row of dark walnut pews. Their steps were muffled on the royal red runner carpet. The surrounding floor was made of tile; the polished surface reflected the many angles of the church as they moved.

"The nave, the main room in churches, were always my favorite," she spoke aloud while she followed. "The design was adapted by the early Christian builders from the Roman hall of justice, the basilica. The nave of the early Christian basilica is generally lighted by a row of windows near the ceiling, the clerestory." She pointed even though he wasn't looking back at her.

"You seem to have a continuous religious theme about you. A passion you follow through on Sundays perhaps?" her captain responded after a moment.

They both came to a stop where the crime scene tape marked the beginning of the tracking site.

"No." she winced when her response came out somewhat harshly. "Frankly, I find the levels of fanaticism... worrying; the spoken word of gospel calls for a lot of unnecessary violence. I've seen groups of people cling to some atrocious things in the name of God. Whether I believe or not is my secret, but I do not attend church."

"Yet, you find yourself clinging to the written word of a polytheistic religion." He lifted the tape and motioned for her to step through.

"And what of you, captain? Do you prefer the stories of the gods, one god, or none at all?" She held the tape for him while he stepped through next.

"I believe in knowing them all."

Jill tilted her head up at him and was somewhat pleased for a little more detail, even if it was rather vague.

"For what purpose?" she asked curiously.

"Stories have always been man's easiest weapon." He removed his glasses and set them carefully into his breast pouch on his vest before jutting his chin toward the stained-glass window on their right. "That was the original purpose for windows like these. To teach the gospel to those who couldn't read. What better power than to teach belief, Valentine?"

Grabbing the CSI kit from his hand, Jill pondered the thought while she cracked open the box and handed him gloves before she carefully donned her own.

The silence rang out and Jill wasn't sure he expected an answer from her. He turned from her then and began to move to where they had noted the pinecone in the picture that hung over to their right.

Stooping low, she watched his tall form lower to a crouch as he glanced beneath the pew in the front portion of the corner space.

"You'll need to grab it from your side; it's still here. Are you capable of bagging this on your own?"

Jill glanced over to see him holding out the tweezers to her. Once more, she met his challenging stare before her gloved fingers wrapped around the tweezers and pulled the instrument from him.

"I haven't let you down yet," she murmured and turned for the task.

"Indeed," he said quietly, now behind her when she carefully knelt on her side of the pew and gazed under the wood.

#resident evil #jill valentine #albert wesker #fanfiction #weskertine #greek mythology #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #resident evil 1 #pre resident evil 1 #Madbedlam art

[star-sim]

his "oh" moment ☆ enha hyungs

☆ non-idol! enhypen hyungs x fem! reader ☆ summary: the exact moment that your enha boy realized he loved you. ☆ genre: fluff, down bad boys, very domestic and intimate, can be interpreted as either pre-relationship or established relationship, wtv u want :) ☆ warning(s)? no, theyre all just so atrociously down bad ☆ word count: 1.3k total

heeseung just came back from a little run to the convenience store for snacks. when he asked you if you wanted to come with him, you only smiled and said that you'd stay in his apartment to watch the boiling pot of ramyeon that you were preparing.

it was 3am when he ventured out into the cold, night air, pulling his hood over his ears. as the bag filled with all of your favorite drinks crinkled under his fingertips, heeseung slipped his housekey into the keyhole, sniffling softly from the cold.

as he cracked the door open, he was met with warm, orange light, warm air, and the smell of his favorite ramyeon.

"i'm back!" he shouted from the door, slipping his shoes off. you didn't hear him, so he just made his way into the kitchen.

the sight he saw before him was enough to make heeseung's heart skip a beat.

there you were, humming quietly to yourself as you graced his kitchen. lost in your own world, almost like the only thing that matter to you in that moment was the small pot of hot ramyeon, the same one that you always made when you were with him because you knew that he loved it. the way his kitchen lights shone down on you made you glow, almost like you were a saint to be venerated.

the sound of heeseung's breath getting caught in his throat caught your attention.

you turned over your shoulder, and the moment that you eyes met his, you expression melted into a smile— the one where your lips lifted so that he could see your teeth, your eyes forming thin crescents as your nose crinkled— the smile that heeseung swore he saw in his dreams.

"welcome back, hee," your voice greeted him.

as those words tumbled from your lips, heeseung's eyes widened into saucers as his heart dropped to his stomach.

he wouldn't mind hearing you say that to him everyday for the rest of his life. the thought of him coming home to you everyday, seeing your pretty, smiley face as you said his name, made heeseung light-headed, his face becoming the same color as the red broth of your ramyeon.

shit.

jay didn't think what he just said was really that funny.

it was a small, off-hand comment that he made, a mere remark that was miniscule in the grand scheme of things.

but the way that you keeled over yourself, your eyes squeezed shut yet tears spilled out of them, gripping onto the table as you laughed, told him otherwise. you struggled to form words, constantly cutting yourself off with laughter, wheezing so hard jay was worried that you'd stop breathing.

the sound of your laugh was like music to his ears. jay couldn't help the small, dumb grin that began to bleed onto his face; it started with his chest filling with warmth, rising up his neck, to his ears, and finally his lips. one corner of his lip raised slowly, before the other one did. his lips wobbled, watching you as you wiped a tear from your eye, until he couldn't hold it back anymore, and the smile that he tried so hard to swallow back unraveled across his features.

"st-stop!" you cried as laughter erupted from your chest, throwing your head back. you cheeks were beginning to hurt, but jay's words kept reverberating in your head. "i-i'm gonna pee myself!"

that's when jay laughed.

"shut up," he said, but no matter what he did to push the sound of your laughter to the back of his head, there was nothing he could do.

his cheeks were already too red, his heart already pounding in his chest like a drum, this memory already cemented into his head.

and plus, he already made up his mind: he could get used to hearing your laugh everyday.

or even better, he wouldn't mind being the reason for your laughter.

jake had no idea how his brother did it, how his brother managed to have a kid and not snap into a million pieces.

but as you held his infant nephew, cooing at his small hands and chubby cheeks, jake felt his entire world pummel to his feet.

"hi baby!" you cooed to the child, your knees folded below you as you helped jake babysit his nephew. when the baby babbled back, soft and sweet giggles fell from your lips, you laid on your back, holding the baby over you.

you gently rocked the baby in the air, relishing in the way that it let out small and high-pitched giggles.

jake watched. the way your touch was so gentle, pulling the child to your chest as you cuddled with him. your tenderness was so... soft. so soft that it made jake's brows furrow together, swiping his tongue over his bottom lip, in order to hide the look of pure stupid that was threatening to seep through his expression.

you were so warm, so kind, so affectionate, that it made jake feel all mushy inside, like he was going to evaporate.

he sucked in a sharp breath, trying to keep the palpitations in his chest at bay, trying to keep the ache in his heart from consuming him whole.

"i didn't know you were so good with kids," he said to you, kneeling beside your figure that embraced his baby nephew. his tone was half-teasing, but jake knew better. there was a war raging on in him, and frankly, he wasn't going to win.

the more he watched you, the more everything became clear to him.

maybe he wouldn't mind having kids, if it's with you.

sunghoon had a strict sleep schedule, one that he would do anything to protect.

as his phone illuminated his bedroom, the blue light gleaming so bright that someone could go blind, and as that godforsaken ringtone shook sunghoon awake, he thought that he was going to punch someone.

but the moment his half-asleep eyes traced the letters of your name, his finger darted to answer your call, no questions asked.

"hello?" he rubbed his tired eyes, yawning, yet with no intention of going back to sleep. after all, it was you.

"hooooon," your voice slurred on the other line. he could hear loud music in the background.

"are you drunk?" he asked, worried. his brows crashed together, concern bubbling in his chest. "where are you?"

you laughed, the sweet sound almost making sunghoon feel at ease. "at the cluuubbb."

"shit," sunghoon muttered under his breath.

"don't worry about me!" you reassured him. "not drunk.... hehe!"

sunghoon was already grabbing his coat and keys, slamming his front door.

it was only when you snuggled up against him in the backseat of his car, pushing your cheeks into the crook of his neck and clutching his arm, that everything came crashing down on sunghoon's shoulders.

it was a quiet realization, like the small light that had always been glimmering inside him suddenly flickered on. it was no surprise to him: a silent and hushed wave of fulfillment crashing onto the seashore that was his heart, before fizzling out into white seafoam.

his eyes traced your features under the dim light, taking in the faint scent of your perfume.

you muttered his name, reaching out for him, and all he could do was feel his heart throb for a few pulses, before sucking in a sharp breath and letting a curve form on his lips.

"i'm here," he said quietly into your ear. "i'm always here."

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen fic #heeseung #heeseung lee #heeseung x reader #heeseung fluff #heeseung imagines #heeseung fic #jay enhypen #jay enhypen x reader #park jongseong fluff #park jongseong x reader #park jongseong fic #park jongseong imagines #enhypen jay #jake sim fluff #jake sim #enhypen jake #jake enhypen #sim jaeyun #jake sim x reader #jake sim imagines #sunghoon fluff #park sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon imagines #star-sim

[maggstar]

𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐃𝐢𝐞

───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 18+, mni DNI!

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 365 days since the incident, in which Heeseung's life turned upside down, is today. Will he be able to save her this time?

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: smut, hard angst, veryyy emotional, trauma bonding/coping, cop!Hee (injured reader, guns, shooting, kidnapping, violence, death) kissing, biting, marking, handjob, oral (f. receiving) , fingering, vanilla, very intimiate and loving unprotected s3x, missionary, spooning, lotus.

!!!TW: ED, suicidal thoughts, mentioned attempts, s3lf harm (both characters)

𝐖𝐂: 21k+ (ehm..., yea)

𝐀/𝐍: Finally. It is here. this one is for ♡ anon. ily. I want to say I loved writing this whole fic even though it was emotionally difficult. I wrote about heavy topics, so please be aware before reading as this might not be everyone's cup of tea! Both characters are in pretty messed up mental states, but their love to each other is what keeps them going. I hope you guys enjoy this fic as I never put this much effort into any fic before.

Please leave any sort of feedback: reblogging and commenting is the best for me, so let me know!! ───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────

As Heeseung approached the town, he immediately recognized the steep, rocky road that led to the street of his most ominous memories. Despite the passing of a year, everything remained the same. The familiar layout felt like coming home after years of being abroad. In a way, he had been. 

He found it amusing how visiting his past brought such mixed feelings. Given how messed up things were before his departure, he was afraid to face all the negative emotions. Merely thinking about the events crawled an uncanny sensation. 

Yet, here he was, letting the comforting sentimentality alight on his heart and beam at the faint breeze entering through his window as he soaked up the evocative atmosphere. It had a hint of gloom as the rain amplified with his reappearance, making the ominous night colder than usual. Goosebumps took over his body, observing the surroundings while the car shifted its gear to neutral. 

The park was abandoned at this time, reminiscing on the children's laughter in the evenings, playing for hours without a care. He liked to come there after work, sit for a few minutes, and listen to them. They still had the monkey bars and pirate-themed wooden ship in the middle of the playground, which he helped paint. 

He examined the residences next to his old one, all appearing the same. Looking at the colorful houses with picturesque gardens pierced an arduous nostalgia. A few had undergone reconstructions as the previous owners seemed to have parted. 

Some even had new furniture or repainting, their garages containing bigger and more luxurious vehicles. New additions like swings or slides for children were also notable. A small number of areas were also seemingly building new homes for the future, expanding the population in the tainted town.

With a glance beside, he examined the house he spent his student years in. 

"Would you look at that," he scoffed, studying the untouched exterior, still covered in that sensational buttermilk paint. 

Even the pecan concrete tiles on the roof were there, with additional solar panels. The current owners also installed a masonry chimney to the side - something he had always wished for but couldn't afford. 

They were definitely more knowledgeable in Botanics than he was. The garden looked completely different. The condition Heeseung left it in was atrocious, with dead flowers and dried weeds scattering the place. Zora Neale Hurston once quoted: "Trees and plants always look like the people they live with." He didn't know if this disclosure was comical or tragic, heavily soughing instead. 

Currently, the place had more of a Japanese style: a little lake in the middle underneath beautiful white lotuses. Oak and cherry trees surrounded the layout, whereas perfectly cut bonsai trees greeted passers-by in the front. The family likely had their roots there because it was uncommon to opt for this type in this area. Yet again, he was inexperienced in this topic, so who was he to say anything? 

He sighed, lowering his head to take a deep breath to process all the garnering memories reaching the surface from the seabed. It was bound to happen, and he still didn't manage to prepare for it. 

Back then, there was too much weight on his shoulders. From college to his family, there was only so much a teenager could handle. 90% of his memories were the ones he sincerely wished to omit evermore. He didn't want to rub salt into his wounds by reliving them, aiming to concentrate on the better side.

After all, it was this place he achieved and lost everything at once. The city that welcomed the lost pup with open arms after the death of his parents, soothing with empty promises and fraudulent head pats. 

Back then, he was too naive to differentiate malicious intentions, foolishly jumping onto every proposition. He thought people wanted to help and not take advantage of his incapacity, that they would aid the broken one with the loving words he needed. 

Fundamentally, he was an emotional wreck, emptiness and numbness following him all day. 

There wasn't anyone left in his life, just miscellaneous pictures gathered in a photo album and recollections of happy moments in carton boxes. Going through their belongings hurt more than anything, smudging their smiles with tears and repeated callouts to which no one could respond anymore. 

In other words, it was the worst period of his life.

His nights were established on puffy eyes, a terrible headache, and a stuffy nose, suffering in silence for months. The money he was supposed to spend on food went to tissues, trashing the whole place. Getting up in the mornings was incredibly demanding, failing often at convincing himself. Staying in and laying in his PJs permanently tolled more promising.

No one seemed to care about his late arrival to classes anyway. The teachers were the exclusive individuals, questioning his defect of attendance and interest. They often came to various false conclusions. They didn't consider asking for the real reason behind his struggles at handing in assignments and essays on time without lying to dodge admonitions. 

In the same way, no one doubted the sunglasses he wore every day. They assumed it was part of a fashion trend when, in reality, it was an excuse to hide the redness and semicircle exhaustion. 

The clothes that fit him weeks ago began loosening, appearing enormous on his underweight body. When his friends pointed out his lack of appetite during lunch, he put it behind him and led the conversation in another direction. That way, he felt he had control over reality. 

In reality, he knew it was avoidance. He wasn't ready to concede he was struggling. Something wasn't alright, and he deteriorated with each passing day. 

Reminiscing on the past, optimistic Heeseung wearing a warming smile mirrored the numb motionlessness, not containing enough confidence to face the drastic and tragic change.

The only courageous people were the Choi family. 

He turned his head to the left, catching a glimpse of the elderly couple sitting at the table inside their closed terrace. They were laughing and enjoying dinner, accompanied by two other people, handing out the freshly grilled food on their plates. A little boy was attending the meal as well, gesturing widely. He leaned forward to examine the guests, scanning their faces. For some reason, they were so familiar...

"No way," a gasp forsake, realizing that turn of events. 

The handsome, tall young man with an athletic build was no other than Choi Hyun-woo, the son of the married pair. Heeseung facepalmed himself for taking so long to figure out his identity, doubting his dexterities.

His parents had introduced the two after a few weeks of Heeseung visiting. Around that time, he was in a custody battle with his dangerous wife. That adjective was an understatement when considering her malicious threats. They were predominantly about hurting their son if he didn't leave her alone or running away with him.

That wasn't the only crazy part. The more unsettling information he learned, the more he feared for the safety of the small boy. Besides being mentally unstable, she also struggled with psychosis. The doctors warned her countless times, but she didn't reflect on any of their words when entering a new relationship. If anyone was the victim in this situation, it was Hyun-woo. 

Seeing them reunited was all he could have ever wished for them, smiling at the cheerful sight. 

"Thank you for being here for us, Heeseung. We just want you to know we're also here for you," he could hear the oldster sighing while patting his back, sensing the weariness from the mere flicker.

"We're all humans in the end. Even the strongest ones cannot lift the weight the world pushes on us." The stogie burned further whenever he would take a whiff, passing it on for a moment of peace.

"Life hasn't been easy on you, has it?" the bearded man turned to face the youngster, quietly sitting and observing the night sky. 

"No, sir, it hasn't," he took the long roll of tobacco to try it out, analyzing its shape and thickness.

"Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is an example of how strong you are as a person, Lee."

"Never doubt your strength, you hear me?" he repeatedly swung his index finger to reprimand him. 

"Yessir," Heeseung nodded before inhaling the cigar, not foreseeing its power. On the other hand, the veteran couldn't help but enjoy the outcome, laughing as he expectorated. 

"How can you smoke this?" he punched his chest numerous times to get the bubble of smoke out of his system. 

"Times were different back in my days. We had nothing else."

"Still..."

"Do one thing for me," the senior flipped the page, taking another load and slowly exhaling a white cloud into the cold fall night. Heeseung faced him after successfully getting rid of the awful irritation in his throat. He sat there, waiting for another round of sagacious words from the wise man. 

"Don't give up. Whatever it takes, don't give up, son. Even when you feel like there's no purpose, don't because nothing lasts forever. It will get better."

It was those words that made Heeseung push through the days. It was almost unbelievable how much of an impact it had on him. Never in a million years would he have thought a motivational speech could get him back on his feet. Then again, he never gave anyone a chance to see behind his facade.

Although they were the ones who required assistance, Heeseung ended up receiving all of the help. 

"Have you eaten? No? That's unacceptable! Come over as soon as you're done with school!"

Mrs. Choi's disappointment still rang through his ears, envisioning her in her French kitchen with a spatula in her hand. It was a vista he missed, alongside the delectable smell of her exceptional cooking.

She constantly checked on him, calling once his school was over and asking if he needed anything. Cooking him meals became a habit whenever he stopped by to help in the garden, practically shoving packets of food into his chest. She knew it wasn't much, but for Heeseung, it meant the world. Knowing that someone actually appreciated his company and cared about his well-being without solely thinking about theirs was unknown. 

So unknown that in the beginning, he assumed the lunch boxes in his backpack ended up by accident and that Mrs. Choi had mixed it up. 

That's how messed up people have been to him that his mind found it unbelievable. Every bit of aid had to have a twisted meaning behind it because why would anyone care about him? No one was there when he was bereaved. No one came to say their condolences or ask if he was alright. It was just him in the columbarium as he placed the ceramic pot with the last remains of his loved ones into the repository. The sole visitor on his free days, leaving the deceased ones' favorite snacks underneath their memorial. He was the boy the guard always had to wake up and send home. 

"It's just thee, thy, and thou, huh?"

"Yes, Mr. Choi."

It is how he achieved his dream and became a successful officer and the person he is now. 

All the hardships and woes he underwent in his early adulthood built up the future he worked for without resting. The mornings and nights would meld into one, struggling to distinguish AM from PM. Around that time, his coffee intake started slipping out, and he tried out every possibility to stay awake and finish everything. 

So much he had to do in such little time. Heeseung didn't understand how he finished it, but his body did. It was giving up, slowly but gradually, because he wouldn't stop pushing the limits. He thought he could do more each time, twisting the meaning of "just a bit more."

One day, the strings finally tore off, and his body had enough. 

Without looking back, it gave in. It handed in the shattered pieces of his soul to the unknown, streaming down like a feather. Nothing had left within, no recollections to reflect on his actions. All his hopes had dashed, molding his fears into a vase of entrapment. The more he tried to climb out of the well, the deeper he fell back, the walls elevating. He screamed into the darkness, the exclamations reflecting due to the scarcity of allowance. 

The next thing you know, he woke up in an unfamiliar and cold environment, with doctors coming in and out. They kept asking various questions and filling out some forms before leaving. The 

He expected the nurses checking up on him now and then to answer the question marks in his head, watching them flush the tube in his nostrils.

It was when he opened his mouth to ask about it that one of the nurses responded, explaining its essential purpose.

She called it "Nasogastric tube feeding". A line delivering nutrients directly into his stomach through his nose. Heeseung kept listening while the woman cleaned the skin around his nose with a warm washcloth, describing his situation. 

Apparently, he had been in the ICU for a few days, and the doctors ran various tests to unravel his deficiencies. The stats showed the deceleration of cardiac activity, leading to low heart rate and blood pressure. They also mentioned low body temperature, which Heeseung had been battling for centuries. It exemplified why he felt faint and weak all the time. Maybe it even answered his apathy toward life.

The results of his BMI indicated severe underweight, whereas the blood test showcased micronutrient imbalances. Heeseung couldn't fathom all of the details his doctor kept streaming, closing his eyes in a vain attempt to ignore the consequences of his stubbornness and lack of eating. 

Not only did he have to wear a plastic tube, but he also had to talk with dietologists and healthcare professionals to make changes in his life.  

Heeseung loathed it and didn't listen to anything they had to offer because, in his mind, he had already decided what was best for him. Suggestions like attending occupational therapy gave him a laugh, not comprehending the reason for such an absurd and useless alternative. There was still a belief that everything was alright, and the situation was being blown out of proportion. 

Even after all that information, he refused to accept reality. If he did, he would have to reconcile with his aggravating condition and shape. He would have to acknowledge how bad the situation was. That if he didn't take action now, it could end terribly. 

And Heeseung wasn't prepared to admit it aloud. Admit he had been suffering for so long that he lost track of days because they began blending into one endless loop where he couldn't live in peace. Confess the terrible feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, and emptiness. The feeling that he woke up to bypass that motivating bright sun hiding behind those dark, self-destructive clouds. The ones which slowly perished his soul.

Disclose the deep yearning for love, tenderness, and affection lingering in his sore throat. Reveal the hope to knit his tattered heart, wrapping around his neck so delicately that he didn't want it to stop. Divulge the need to end everything trussing in the back of his head, increasing whenever an obstacle occurred, doubting everything about himself. Concede the crossing between life and death, questioning the meaning of existence. 

Relent that the word suicide kept repeating in his mind like an old cassette player, seeing the curse inscribed over everything. Allow the guilt to take over and condemn him for leaning towards the balcony whenever it whispered the word "jump". It conveyed it so alluringly that it made him go crazy, holding onto the railings in pure despair. 

Describe how sharp blades appeared veracious. Explain why he deleted the Google search history to hide the questions on overdoes. 

He wasn't ready, but he had to be. Otherwise, he would ultimately lose himself in the hollowness and disperse forever. 

So, he decided to bite the bullet and push through by turning the page.

Thanks to his determination, he could now sit in a police car and help those in need. Do a job where he could be the person he needed others to be at his lowest. 

There had been one. However, Heeseung was forbidden from ever thinking about that person. 

Why? Because he made the biggest mistake of his life, which he atoned for till today.

A beautiful mistake that he deeply missed every hour, every minute, every second.

"Dispatch to Patrol One," the sudden statistic transmitted through the two-way radio, pulling back the officer from daydreaming. 

"10-04," he quickly responded, grabbing the transmitter and acknowledging the callsign. 

"Are you alright, sir?" the worry conveyed, belonging to none other than Seo-Jun. 

"Yes," He sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel. 

"Sir, pardon me, but you don't sound like it," the young officer evoked, tentative about probing her senior. 

She could hear him repeat the proverb: "Curiosity killed the cat." It wasn't her best trait, and she knew it. It was always these times she couldn't help but push it forward and let concern get the better of her. 

After all, it was Lee Heeseung, the guy who managed to turn her life over. 

If he hadn't helped her escape from her toxic ex-boyfriend last summer, she wouldn't be sitting in the obsolete office now. She was lucky to dial 112 in time and come out alive. If he had been a few minutes late, she could have suffered to death from the undying abuse. The memory was deeply engraved in the depth of her heart, recalling him standing by her side during the hospital procedures. He never wanted to admit it, but he was the town's hero for saving the mayor's daughter. 

Therefore, her gratitude towards him was prodigious. And for the same reason, she wanted to be there for him during tough times. No matter how hard she tried, her approach would emerge unsuited and unfit each time. People told her to get ahold of her steps countless times, and she still made the same slips every time. Nevertheless, she didn't give up and reached out to dial the official. 

"Seo-Jun, I-"

"My apologies, sir. I've crossed my line," she hastily tried to cover up her actions, slapping her forehead for being nosy and pushy. 

"I'm not okay," the voice on the other side emitted into the discomfiting silence, a heavy sigh following the statement. Seo-Jun opened her eyes to perceive the sentence, staring at the floor beneath her as the declaration reiterated in her brain. She widened her pupils when she finally realized what he had uttered, almost falling off her chair after swiftly turning and grabbing back the radio. 

"Sir, is this about the note you've received?"

"What note?" he frowned, backing up. 

"Well, you've got a message on your account, and you know it goes through me first, so I might have accidentally read what was on it-"

"What note are you talking about?" The stern change in speech startled her, contemplating if it was due to her admitting her horrible demeanor or the want of information. 

"The one that states: Broadway 123, 11:30 PM," she reread the email, stuffing her mouth with another strawberry-flavored lollipop. At this point, it was a miracle her teeth hadn't fallen out yet. 

"Any signatures?"

"Just two initials: K.J."

Heeseung's stomach dropped at the revelation, which only confirmed his prior thoughts. It was the 13th of March, after all. What was he thinking?

He looked at the time on the display, typing in the coordinates to the navigation. It showed an estimated arrival in 15 minutes. His jaw clenched, attempting to pulverize the inexhaustible alarm ringing in his skull.

"Fuck, why didn't you tell me earlier?" his panic disseminated into anger, hastily starting up the car. He grabbed the gearstick, his leg pressing the accelerator. 

"I'm sorry, sir. I thought you knew about it."

"You know goddamn well I never check my email," he shifted to 3rd gear already, turning on the emergency lights on the car. They switched from one color to the other, the sound of sirens following right after every blick. 

"I'm really sorry, sir, but what does it even tell? It sounds dangerous."

"Cause it is," Heeseung cut her off, "and that's why you should have told me earlier." 

Seo-jun's voice went quiet, the time on the call prolonging without either side speaking. 

She had nothing to say, as she realized the severity of her actions. 

Frankly, she had difficulty understanding the whole situation and why it aggravated Heeseung this much. She stared at the email, trying to find a hidden clue or something that would cure her curiosity. 

Despite her attempts, she ended with disappointment, leaning back on the chair with a loud sigh. 

She turned her head to the side while Heeseung turned his back on the road, which was moderately clean, with no traffic jams preventing him from reaching his destination. Most cars quickly reacted to the situation and pulled to the side of the road. 

He looked in the rear mirror, seeing a silhouette sitting in the backseat with blood all over her face, a faded smile visible. 

"Help her, I beg you," The voice echoed in his ears as he made a left, entering the mentioned street. 

He fought the unwanted shakiness in his body, the sentence replaying like a broken cassette, causing him to break down the walls he had built in the past months.

He had to be more collected. His duty was to stay calm under pressure and not to invoke panic, but here he was, gripping the wheel too much. His nails began to hurt from the prolonged force, eyes ungluing from the road for a split second. He looked at his image in the mirror, sensing a faint taste of blood. There, he could see the deep cut on his lip, his teeth responsible for choosing the wrong coping mechanism. 

He could also see the same hopeless look as the one on that day, anger building up from within to curse him for being a wreck in such a crucial situation again. The consequences of it taunted him, internally punching him for his incompetence. An officer who couldn't control his emotions was the same one trying to rescue someone. He couldn't even stop himself from deteriorating, and here he was, seeking to thwart others.

It was all foolish, just like he was at this moment. 

What a fool he was for wanting a chance to right the wrongs. 

Without a second thought, Heeseung immediately parked near the reported location, practically jumping out of the car. He checked if his gun was locked and loaded again before heading out. 

He looked around, eyes looking for potential gang associates in the surroundings. He expected at least some bodyguards or watchdogs near the building, but no one was around. Grabbing his flashlight, he took an overhand grip, shortening the distance to the building with each cautious but fast step. 

The residence was outdated, definitely abandoned by the looks of its upkeep. What seemed like a factory was now an empty, deserted residence. No one had visited this place for a long time. 

He approached the door, reaching the porch to see if anything was happening inside. 

The front door was locked from the other side, the darkness concealing the image inside. Heeseung had to go through the back to enter, listening for any noise on his way. It was too quiet for his liking, not a single peep emanating from the residence. He climbed over the wire fence, sucking up the pain the metal left after puncturing his skin. 

Nothing was more important than reaching inside.

He did suspect the message, wondering if it was another prank pulled by the bored teenagers. Sadly, it happened quite too often, with them lining up the emergency number and creating false stories to bring out the hirelings for their entertainment.

Still, none of them knew about his past, so the chances were nearly impossible. Not even his colleagues knew why he decided to take a day off today. They had zero keen on why this day was so important for him. They had no idea it was this day that turned his life around.

He took a position behind the wall as he glanced for the back door, peeking out carefully. To his surprise, it was wide open, bestowing him an entrance. 

He approached it slowly, looking out for a possible intruder since the unusual stillness wasn't preventing the tension in his muscles from stiffening. When he met no obstacles, he determined it was clear to proceed, stepping inside.

The uneven concrete underneath welcomed him back, permitting a path towards the middle. Just like last time, he thought to himself, before approaching the cursed center. 

Here.

It all happened here.

It was where he found Seo-Jun. Right here. 

He could see the silhouette in the wooden chair, bound by duct tape. He could still feel the hopelessness and helplessness.

A supposed rescue mission turned into a shootout, in which he had zero back-ups to overcome the opponents. 6v1, and Heeseung barely came out alive, with one bullet shot in his right arm. The female he was supposed to save bled out on the spot because of fatal injuries, and there was nothing he could do to help her. He tried so hard to stop the bleeding and apply as much pressure as he could in his injured condition. All just to witness her slowly part away in his arms with a painful "thank you".

Heeseung blamed himself for her death till today. After all, he was the one to blame for it. That's what her parents kept repeating.

"Murderer! It was your job to protect her!"

"She's dead because of you!"

"It should have been you who died, not her!"

They were right. 

He agreed with everything they said. It was the truth. He had failed, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. 

Nightmares of the terror night practically became the fairytale of his sleep. He would wake up drenched in sweat, pushing himself to successfully save her in his dreams. He was so close but so far away at the same time. 

It was all humorous. How returning to this unfortunate place stirred the wrong memories. How it managed to discern the familiar gut-wrenching feeling in his system. The one he had to take medication for every day to keep his head clear. To stop seeing the silhouettes of her everywhere. 

"Seo-Jun, don't do this to me," his head dropped to his feet, refusing to reexperience his trauma. 

"You're not here anymore," he bit down on his lip, gulping down the ascending guilt.

"But it's not me, Heeseung." 

His eyes rose, staring at the silhouette. They struggled to decipher the person in front of them, barely having the energy to stay open. 

He stepped closer, his heavy steps echoing through the enormous vacant room. He was expecting it to disappear as it was a part of his imagination. However, it stayed there, clear as a day.  

It was her.

Not her her, but her.

The voice that haunted him every night in his nightmares. The one that begged him to save her sister from those psychopaths, putting the last bits of hope into him. The screams replayed in his nightmares when he had come out with her sister in his arms, barely holding the victim as he was close to passing out himself. They soon turned into weeps, coughing up the pain in her system, unable to stop her body from shaking at the sight of her sibling in agonizing pain. 

He remembered the way she looked up at him while the paramedics carried her inside the ambulance, face covered in shock and desperation. 

It was as if both knew the outcome awaiting them in the hospital, not prepared to admit the painful reality. They wanted to pretend like they didn't know, even if it was only for a minute. 

He recalled her running after the car, legs giving out in the middle, getting up over and over again without thinking twice about the damage on her knees. 

The same pain he felt back then kicked in right now, pounding into his stomach because despite disappointing her, she was the one who checked up on him in the ER. She was the only person who turned up. The only one worried about his condition, holding in the tears.

"I know my sister was glad someone tried. That someone cared and wanted to save her."

"I'm happy to know that the last face she saw was yours and not those bastards'."

"Mr. Lee, thank you. Thank you for everything."

Despite everything, she said those words to him, managing to smile at him before leaving. He felt her release the painful ache through the door, mourning for the lost one as the hospital tiles created a path stained with sorrow. 

"It's your chance, Heeseung."

"To do what you couldn't with me."

He looked around to glimpse a ghost of Seo-Jun, to believe it was all real and not a part of his disturbed imagination. 

But she was nowhere to be found. 

It was Y/N instead, encircled by the cause of her sister's death.

The same person he stopped visiting every day after the incident, too thoughtless to leave her all alone in that big city while the perpetrators roamed around freely. 

He thought it would have been for the better to give her space to grieve properly, without him appearing at the door to remind her of the incident. 

She never complained, though, but rather showed her gratitude for the concern, not managing to function alone with her parents passing on their sadness to her. 

It was a difficult time for her to be in, especially alone. That's why Heeseung's presence brought her the peace and comfort she needed. He helped her move out her sister's furniture, going as far as to seclude a deal to sell the apartment so the family could have a proper funeral, which he ended up attending himself. 

Her parents weren't exactly hiding their anger at his presence at such a personal event, holding him accountable for the happening of the ceremony. 

However, she was the one who had invited him. She chewed their disapproval and asked him to stay beside her. She needed someone to hold on during the event, both mentally and physically, thankful for his hand lingering on hers as she watched her other half disappear into the ground. 

He stayed with her for a long time after that, coming every morning to help her get out of bed and get ready for the day, becoming her caregiver for the following weeks. 

She was suffering inside, and he could tell by her blankly staring into the walls, movements so slow it looked like it hurt. It was difficult to convince her to eat, noticing the loss in appetite she kept ignoring, blaming it on her stomach troubles. 

Nonetheless, she never protested when he wanted to feed her, always cooking or ordering something from outside. She felt like a baby in those moments, with him practically begging her to open her mouth, putting a smile on her face instead. 

They talked a lot over those weeks, with Heeseung opening up about his past and traumatic childhood, sharing the fragments of his parent's death and how it has affected him. He talked about the car accident, the one he was also in. He was the sole survivor, the sole person to exit the hospital and not be transferred into the morgue.

He had never told anyone before, and conveying the lingering heartache was such a relief that he couldn't stop talking, gathering up every detail he had in his memories. 

In a way, it connected the two more, having gone through the tragedy of losing a loved one. Y/N couldn't help but notice the feeling of safety in his company. The more he transmitted, the closer she felt, like she could trust him with her whole life.

While she was fully aware of the effects he was having on her, Heeseung was too busy focusing on her condition to catch the sparkles of joy. 

Whenever she opened the door to him, he couldn't help but beam. His heart would fill up with contentment, dopamine levels increasing at the brief touches they shared, hiding the butterflies amassing inside. It was wrong for him to catch feelings after everything he caused her, and the guilt expanded in his chest at the realization.

Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who had caught up on the situation. Soon enough, her parents personally contacted him and asked to meet without their daughter's knowledge. They were the real reason for his departure, the why for abandoning her when she needed him the most. 

He never had the opportunity to tell her the truth, to tell her he didn't go on his will but was forced into that decision. He wished he could have told her he was threatened with being sued and losing his career forever due to their belief about his negligence on the mission. Either that or he had to leave her alone and go as far away as possible if he didn't want his life to be over. 

That is what he meant when he said he was a coward: a coward who couldn't even tell the truth. It followed him wherever he went, the mere image of her constantly transmitting in his thoughts.  

And now, the image was trapped in another nightmare with little time, falling into his hands yet again. 

This wasn't how he wanted to meet up, but fate had its way of managing things. The only thing Heeseung knew was that he couldn't let her down again. 

She had to come out of here alive.

No matter what it would take.

"You came," a raspy voice loomed from the darkness, causing Heeseung to hastily stand up and point his gun at its origin. 

His stomach dropped when he locked gazes with the criminal. 

"Kang Joon-Woo."

"It is I indeed," he fixed his tie covered in a fleur de lis pattern, showing off his wealth in the black tuxedo. His auburn slick hair drew attention to his green eyes, which turned stone cold once his gaze landed on the officer in front. They were empty, vacant, without any emotion. It was like staring into a deep well at night, manifesting fright and unpleasantness. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Lee." his silver crown shone as the moonlight sheathed his face, lowering his head before looking back at him again. He exuded the same stare that day, slicing through deeply and threatening with its lethal power. 

Kang Joon-Woo, one of the lead rings of the cooperation of Kang Holding, was the chairman and the mastermind of the whole operation a year ago. Kang Jun-Seo was his right hand, more like a lap dog. 

They were both known criminals in the district he used to work in, successful businessmen who led one of the most influential companies in the city. They ran many hotels scattered over the country, using them as a front to conceal their actual intents by managing and commencing new deals. 

Beneath the surface, they hid several classified secrets, ordering various exchanges between dangerous parties. Some reports revealed drug usage and distribution, contacts with the black market, and even active participation on the deep web.

However, their main focus was on sex trafficking, exploiting young women for their income. It has been going on for many years, with the two predators selling out females to different countries, motivated by the big numbers on the cheque. They were both aware of how these girls would end up, forced to become objects for whoever had bought them. That was the twisted part in itself. The fact that the two went off to doing this.

He found out himself when he got ordered to take over one of these cases since the department had a lead and had a high chance of uncovering the trafficker's location, hopeful about the retrieval. So was Heeseung, especially after the Chief of Police had picked him out personally for the case along with two other ambitious corporals as the sergeant was sick that week, unable to operate. It was his biggest chance to prove himself and stand out amongst his coworkers. 

"Months of searching, and now I have you both at my feet," the snarky laugh punctured through.

"What have you done to her?" Heeseung looked back at Y/N from the corner of his eye, unable to bypass her drugged state. He knew he had to act before it was too late, struggling to piece a plan together at the revelation. 

"I just gave her some candy. You know the ones that bring you to another dimension?" he pulled out a pack of Arrirangs from his pockets, finding the whole situation hilarious. It was uproarious to watch the terror in Heeseung's eyes, darting from the girl back to him. 

"You fucker," Heeseung quickly hovered over her, checking her pulse and breathing. 

"Calm down," he scoffed in amusement, taking a whiff of the toxic elements his body lacked. "I need her to be alive as well." 

"What do you want?"

"Come on, Heeseung. You're smart enough to know," a sigh parted in the heavy ambiance, playing with the cigar between his fingers.

"You know goddamn well someone has to pay for the losses you caused on that day."

"Leave her out of it. She has done nothing."

"Who called you on us?"

"She did the right thing. They just chose the wrong officer."

"Fucking pathetic indeed. You couldn't even save her in the end, could you?" the man burst into laughter, brushing back his hair. He was loving every second of this.

"Since you failed to save her. Now, we need someone to replace her place."

"Jun-Seo was thinking about this beauty right here, but I told him it was too dangerous. Didn't I, brother?"

Heeseung froze at the callout, feeling the mentioned one's presence behind him. He also felt the weapon pointed at his head, threatening to be blasted at a slight movement. Every possible curse flashed in his mind, all pointing towards him.

He was screwed.

"Drop it," the baritone ordered. 

Before he could even look at the famous criminal, the man punched him in his back, amplifying his directive. Heeseung had no other option but to comply, slowly placing his gun on the floor. The guy immediately kicked away the weapon, far away from their reach. He stood there with his hands aloft, looking back at the man ahead.

"And what did I also say?" his tongue clicked, putting on a pair of black leather gloves.

"To have her, we must get rid of the cop."

"That's right." He snickered, approaching the injured girl. 

"Poor girl, she has no idea what's happening," his fingers wrapped around her neck, snickering at the beauty. He turned her face to the side, his filthy eyes scanning her features.

"Don't touch her!" Heeseung shouted, attempting to step closer.

"You better calm down." 

"Or do you want my brother to pull the trigger already?" her hair twirled around his finger, "I want her to see it first." He quickly pulled onto it, causing her head to fall with the snatch.

"No, she has nothing to do with this. I killed your men, not her. Let her go, now!" 

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Heeseung. My client wants a replacement for his previous loss."

"And we decided to give him the other sister," the twin snickered, licking his lips. 

"You're fucking sick." Heeseung looked at the man above Y/N, passing on a distrustful smile. 

"I think we have waited far too long for this one," The snarky laugh punctured through, running his hands on her exposed thighs. 

"I said don't fucking touch her!" 

The delinquent just laughed and took a knife, putting it under her neck. He played with her hair, leaning closer to her ear, whispering something, and smirking right after. Whatever it was, Heeseung was sure it was appalling and lewd. 

"So," the edge of the weapon traveled down her T-shirt, "I'm going to have my fun." He sneered as its sharpness cut the clothing in two, exposing her body to the filthy losers. 

"And you're going to watch."

"You fucking piece of shit!" he jumped the guy, not thinking twice about it. They both rolled down the floor, one trying to keep the weapon, whereas the other risked to grab it. 

"I'll kill you. Right here, right now," Heeseung hissed, head-bumping him as soon as he had the opportunity. 

"You fucker," Joon-woo immediately covered his nose, staining his hand with his very own blood. He was sure it was broken, but it wasn't enough to stop him from returning the favor. 

Heeseung looked back at the other brother, who attempted to shoot the man in black, raising his arm to carry out the movement. 

However, Heeseung was quicker, avoiding the fatal hit by rolling over in time. He still had Joon-woo on his back, getting on his hands to perform a leg sweep. With that, he fell on his back, pushing all the air out of his lungs with a curse.

"You are dead meat, Mr. Lee," the man coughed out, barely having the energy to properly look him in the eye.

Heeseung knew he was minutes away from another blast from Jun-Seo's gun. Without wasting time, he quickly stood up and ran into the other perpetrator with full force. He successfully knocked both of them over, the firearm vanishing in the far distance. The stunt in the movement allowed him to yank and throw the firearm into the far distance. 

"Get him!" the other twin ordered, quickly taking out his Glock 19 to point it at Heeseung. Jun-Seo got on his feet again, shooting a death glare. Despite not having anything to defend himself with, he relied on his strength, rushing to him. His arm extended toward Heeseung's direction, and a sudden hand appeared in front of his face. 

"I should have killed both of you when I had the chance," Heeseung panted, evading each punch like a pro. It was too easy to fight with such an incompetent loser like him, managing to switch positions in the meantime. 

"We should have gotten rid of you two sooner," Joon-woo yelled, shooting into the brawl. He only didn't predict Heeseung doing the unthinkable by pushing the brother in front of him. The bullet entered the wrong body, disappearing in Jun-Seo's chest with a loud gasp. 

"No!" The shooter yelled at the turn of events, watching his twin fall to the ground right next to his feet. He panted in pain and brought his hands to the wound his sibling unintentionally caused, his eyelids losing their tension as his pupils dilated. 

"You piece of shit!" The scourge unleashed from between his lips, a pair of heartless eyes darting back. He looked back to see the cop with his gun right back where it belonged, pointed at him, the main suspect.

"You did all of this just for this stupid bitch!" He raised his arm, turning in the direction of the abducted innocence. 

"Step away from her," Heeseung yelled, blood rushing through his veins.

It was a relief to have taken down one of the obstacles in his way without getting his hands dirty. Nevertheless, there was still the main problem standing in front of him, aiming to assassinate his victim. 

He knew the sicko could pull off a dangerous stunt since his actions were unpredictable, scanning the expressions on his face. He was expecting furrowed brows, hands clenched into fists, or a death glare at least. 

All he got was a loud sigh, followed by a prolongated laughter. The kind of laughter you would hear The Joker do in a quarrel with Batman whenever the two would argue. It was almost as if he was amused or pleased with the outcome, even though his brother was lying inches away in a puddle of blood, practically minutes away from dying.

"You really are a jokester, Mr. Lee," he lowered his gun, ignoring the confusion on the cop's face.

He just passed on a stare and a scowl, fidgeting with the weapon in his hand like it was a toy with no bullets in it. His behavior was so bizarre that Heeseung couldn't help but stare at him in confusion. 

The thing was, the stare he carried didn't belong to someone who had just given up. It wasn't of someone who just surrendered and accepted his fucked-up fate. 

It was the complete opposite of what it was supposed to be -malicious, daring to some degree as if he was taunting him with his capability. He challenged him with a gradually growing smirk. 

At that moment, Heeseung realized it wasn't a renunciation but a part of the plan. The plan that had been constructed from the beginning. Composed to every little point to lure out the enemy. She was his weakness, and they damn well knew about it. They were cruel enough to use it against him. 

With another look, he noticed the turnabout in Joon-Woo's glare, the shade of wrath igniting. 

"For thinking I would let her off so easily," the loud bang emitted through the silence, a sharp "pop" following right after. The noise yielded Heeseung to register the situation, his eyes widening as they quickly scanned for the landing. His gaze landed on the girl in the chair, uncovering a bullet point of entrance on her chest. 

Heeseung's heart dropped as he looked over to the side. 

His eyes widened in horror, staring blankly at the injured girl.

His body went numb, but he still tried to remain as stoic as possible.

All he could do was stare, frozen in fear, as the girl's white shirt slowly turned red.

Heeseung knew he couldn't repeat the same mistake, not hesitating to respond as he pointed his gun directly at the shooter. It was what had to be done. Jun-Seo was going to die today, next to his brother.

His heart skipped a beat as the adrenaline rush towards his veins intensified. He pressed the trigger, watching the evil twin staring back at him in shock, falling back. 

The loud thud confirmed the man was no longer alive, the bullet in his head adding to reason. 

Heeseung slowly approached the corpse, looking at him one last time to ensure himself. 

At that moment, he indeed felt the unbearable weight on his shoulders falling off, all of it evaporating in the air. 

Heeseung finally exhales, dropping his gun to the floor. His heart rate slows down, but the poundage in his body becomes heavier, almost as if the world was collapsing in on him.

"Where-" he quickly turned around at the origin of the sound, his eyes meeting the girl's.

Heeseung instantly rushed to her side, trying to assess the damage.

Her blood flowed onto his hand as he pressed it on the entrance wound, attempting to stop the bleeding.

"I'm going to save you, just hang on..." he whispered, applying pressure after dialing his collegaue. 

As she struggled to remain conscious, her eyes locked into his.

She was unable to express her gratitude with words, so she gave his hand a light squeeze, letting him know that she understood his intentions.

She trusted the man for some reason, even though she couldn't see his face. Everything was pitch dark.

She hoped for the misery to end soon, letting her eyelids rest.

She only waited for the moment to end, for the afterlife to welcome her.

Heeseung was overwhelmed with worry and fear. He knew how close she was to dying, watching her breath grow shallower and more shallow after each passing moment.

He saw her eyes flickering in and out of consciousness, but all he could do was gently stroke her hair away from her face, hoping and wishing for a miracule. 

His hand rested on her chest, feeling her heartbeat. He desperately implored it to keep going, pleading with the higher powers, begging them not to let her slip through his fingers.

"Don't leave me, please," he whispered, kissing her hand.

Heeseung noticed her breathing pattern becoming erratic, her pulse slowly becoming weak, indicating that she was losing the battle for her life.

"Don't go," he whispered, placing his face closer to hers, willing her not to leave. The tears rolled down his cheeks, shaking his head in denial. He desperately tried to keep them from falling again.

"Please stay with me," he beged, unable to handle the thought of her dying in his arms. He continued to caress her cheeks, his voice muffled as his face grew redder and redder.

"Please..."

He recalled all the memories they encountered, the bad and the good, and burst into tears again. He didn't even try to stop them, unable to hold it in any longer.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you..."

Heeseung's voice filled with anguish, and ha piece of his heart ripped out of his chest. 

His desperation grew as her heartbeat grew weaker and weaker. Her chest rose and fell, labored. 

Each breath was battle for her life, and her body was not winning the fight. It started to grow cold, and her heartbeat became even fainter, as if it was trying to slip through his grasp.

"I'm so sorry." 

"I should have protected you," he cried, pressing into her chest. 

"I love you, Y/N."

Her hand rested on his, a faint smile spreading across her face. 

---------------------------------------------

"Y/N," 

"You-"

"It's you?" her brain refused to believe the alternative, pacing back and forth, forth and back, like a spectator at a tennis match. 

Lee Heeseung? 

Her Lee Heeseung?

No, that's impossible.

She foolishly wanted to hold onto the strand of hope even though it was perilous. She knew it would relish on painting her walls within in qualm, scribbling various disquietude lines, and doodling frightening visions.

It appeared so compulsive, eyelids concealing the water amassing beside. The droplets traced her rubicund cold cheeks, reaching the corners of her quivering mouth. She tasted the woeful hopelessness accumulated over the past months. 

How hopelessly she wished for it to be real.

For him to be with her. 

If there was one thing she had been yearning for, it was his return. 

Somewhere deep down in her shattered soul, she dreamed of a reunion. A reconvene in which she could hold onto him without fear. Without having to worry about him letting go once she would look away. Without being afraid of falling asleep because he wouldn't be there in the morning. 

It was the only thing she had been longing for. 

"No. You're not here. I'm seeing things again, right?" She looked around, laughing while groping the mattress. Doing so, she failed to detect the unknown material, repeating the same motion. It wasn't the same at home. It wasn't the latex filling she was used to. 

She swiftly looked around, eyes darting around the unknown layout. They glanced over its walls sheathed in snow without a single trace of a painting, the dim lamp gleaming in the corner. It smothered the gloominess in a soothing tint of beige, strangely comforting. 

It was so familiar, yet so unknown. 

Was it because this wasn't her first time being in this room?

"Why am I here?" Her rapid breathing complicated the question's delivery, hands clutching onto the duvet to prevent them from shaking even more. 

You fool.

She looked down, studying the IV line inserted in her vein. Her eyes popped out of their sockets, desperately trying to recall what had happened to put her in this situation in the first place. 

"Calm down," the man beside appeased, holding her hand. 

Compared to her ice skin, he was a burning flame. 

He wanted to believe it was because of his anticipation and not because of her declining health. 

He didn't want to be attentive to her paper skin or her bones visibly sticking out. Oh, how much he wanted to believe her knuckles weren't poking out next to his hand. 

However, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to denial when these were all the signs he harbored before. 

The last time he saw her, his thumb couldn't reach his pinky finger. When he wrapped them around her tender wrist now, they managed to join. 

All of these signals were so familiar that he couldn't ignore them. They weren't normal and he knew from experience what effects it could have if not properly treated. Consulting with the doctor during her sleep was a necessary procedure, but he couldn't tell her everything now. 

For God's sake, she couldn't even acknowledge it was him caressing her hand. 

He felt like a stranger sitting there, with a worried expression and no response. He didn't know what to do. The only thing he wanted was to hold her and tell her everything was over. That he had finally accomplished what he should have done a year ago. Something he owed her from the day they met.

Where was the feeling of joy he was supposed to encounter? First and foremost, he executed an outstanding performance on the job tonight. Thanks to him, the case that was open for years had finally come to an end. It was due to his commission the two criminals now lingered behind bars.

"Is this one of those dreams again?" she suddenly grasped his shirt, unable to distinguish fantasy from reality. She held on to the cotton fabric with dear life, knuckles beginning to hurt as the grip amplified. The oaky fragrance disbanded into the air, entering through her nostrils to allow a segment of remembrance. 

Her fingers slid against the black clothing, studying the outlines of it, tracing down and up again. His chest rose with each unanticipated touch, brows sliding upwards to inscribe a few lines. Worry was written all over them when she gaped at him in confusion, refusing to accept his existence.

"Where I hopelessly look for you and never manage to find you?"

The headache was overlapping her brain in confusion, and she struggled to fathom her surroundings. She didn't comprehend the quick change of emotions on his face, looking at her as if she had announced the death of a close relative. In the end, she went through these nightmares almost every night. So, it wasn't abnormal to her. Yet, his stare was intense and frightened, screaming in concern, the complete opposite of her disclosure.

It wasn't.

It couldn't be after all.

He left a long time ago.

"I'm tired of those dreams," her voice broke down, replacing it with a weep, "because I never manage to find you." She broke down, releasing the suppressed pain gathered in her system. 

The mere thought of them ran shivers down her spine, completely despising the state they left her in. The number of times she woke up crying, desperately trying to hold onto the comfort beside was too much to count. The way she would open her eyelids only to realize there was nothing but a cold and untouched bedside. 

She would always look at the empty spot with hope. 

Hope he would come into the room with that dazzling look and hop back in the bed to hold her tight in his embrace. She wanted him to say everything would be okay, just like he used to. She wanted to hear his smile again, see his laughter, and feel his love in her hands. 

Was it that selfish to ask for the undoable? 

It was.

After all, he had always been a far stretch - an unreachable beauty, like a star in the sky she could only admire from afar. Too unreal to be authentic. Too perfect to exist. Too good to be true. Just like their relationship. 

Even stars die eventually and gradually start fading away. It was simply natural for them to end as well. 

So why was it so hard to say goodbye?

Over 365 days have passed since the day, and Y/N still stood at the beginning of the road. It was as if her feet were glued to the floor, trapping her in the moment she desperately tried to eradicate. 

If a samurai's katana could slice through her stomach now, it wouldn't manage to do more damage. Nor his bow stricken to embed in her lungs. It would simply sting for a second before disappearing into the mist, just like everything else in her life. It would form a pool of blood beneath, assembling a shattered reflection. A reflection she would reach for and fall into its never-ending well of hatred and pangs of conscience.

"I did something wrong, right? That's why you left. I was so annoying with my constant mood swings, wasn't I?" 

Heeseung closed his eyelids to prevent the accumulated sadness from firing, trying to stay collected so as not to evoke more sorrow. 

His hands turned into fists, aching to swing on the coward's head.

What a selfish idiot he was. 

He was going to cry? Him? When he was the reason they were both in this room right now?

It was his decision that caused all of this. He wouldn't be right back at the start if he hadn't given her up for his stupid career. If only he had just listened to his inner heart, things could have been different, better.

It was like someone was ripping him open, cutting and slicing with the sharpest blade, puncturing endless rebukes. Not only was he screaming from the pain, but also from witnessing Y/N uncontrollably crying in front of him. 

Her petite hands held onto her hospital gown, slanting over to let out all the misery he had caused her. She couldn't stop herself from wailing in agony and torment, feeling so hopeless and confused with him reappearing in her life. It was a hard pill to swallow. The kind that gets stuck in your throat, and water cannot drown it. 

"I'm so sorry I couldn't control it," she sniveled, clutching her hair tightly and pulling it to inflict more pain on herself. 

"I'm so sorry," she screamed into the duvet, countlessly snuffling. Her cries were muffled, the airways between her lungs and nose becoming tighter with each one. She was practically yelping for air, hyperventilating. 

"I love you, Lee Heeseung. I love you so much that it hurts," her trembling index pointed towards her heart, repeatedly tapping her chest.

At this point, she was out of breath, wailing and gripping her clothes as if they could release the painful embrace around her chest. She lifted her gaze to meet the apples of his eyes. They were glutted with sorrow and guilt, heartbreak and commiseration. They were merely reflecting his feelings - complete hopelessness. 

"I can't live without you, Heeseung. I can't-" Her sob got cut off by his sudden maneuver, palms gently cupping her cheeks before drawing her face closer to him. Now, he stared into her chocolate eyes, gazing at his hickory ones with surprise. 

"I love you more, Y/N." His nose rubbed against hers, foreheads aligning with one another to create an intimate moment between the lovers. They used to do this often, almost every morning, just holding each other and laughing in joy. It was like a routine, something mandatory before getting out of bed.

"More than anything else in this world," his tears caressed hers, tracing them upwards with his lips. He replaced the traces of sorrow with caring pecks, making sure to collect every drop. 

"Heeseung," her hand clutched his shirt, trying to stay sane even though, deep down, she was melting in his touch. 

He lightly tilted her head back, gaining access to her quivering mouth. She had it slightly ajar, huffing the compressed air through the small gap. Waves of electricity were dashing down her cells, causing an upheaval of homeostasis. The more he looked at her, the harder it got to breathe without a strain on her lungs. She had no choice but to say, "Please, just kiss me."

There was no time for that request to have been adequately thought through, as the circumstances deemed the opposite effect. For once, Y/N didn't want to think over her decisions. She wanted them to happen and worry about the consequences later. 

"Can I really?" his hand slid back, holding her head to grant her maximum relaxation. 

"You fool, I just told you to do it."

"I only want to make sure," he murmured, his lips automatically attracting with hers, like two magnets of opposite poles. 

Perhaps it was a lofty comparison, but the way neither side hesitated before carrying out the deed proved otherwise. They have been yearning for this moment ever since they have parted ways. 

Hell, they spent all of their time convincing themselves they weren't a match made to last for centuries when they were. Their love was so powerful that the glue in their bond never dried out. 

Even though they were two completely different people, it was their love that brought them together. No one could change that.

"No one."

"Not ever," he whispered while he damped her lips with his wet and warm tongue, panting with each smacking sound.

It was like entering heaven. 

He could almost feel the bright rays of happiness encircling them with its mighty power, not to mention Y/N's whimpers, which were like music to his ears.

Or maybe it was his poetic description of this incredible ecstasy that made it appear so illusory. 

He felt like a teenage boy again. His hormones were all over the place, and his heartbeat was agitated with an uncomfortable tension in his boxers.

God was cruel for putting his body into this state, especially in this situation. However, he couldn't control it. A whole year without Y/N meant a year full of bottled-up pain and tension. He never went out and slept with someone else because he knew too well no one could compare to her. 

Fuck, no one could be her, so there was no point in doing anything reckless. Plus, his heart wouldn't be able to do something so dishonest. It was loyal, unlike him, and it never erased nor forgot the name of his soulmate.

"I missed you so much," she cried, her grip around him tightening, so afraid he would let go and the feeling of safety would disappear with him.

"I know, Y/N. I missed you, too." Heeseung's hand slid up her arm, then her neck, until his hands rested on her cheeks, and he gently pulled her closer.

"But I'm here now," he continued, his voice filled with tenderness and affection. "And I don't plan on leaving your side ever again."

She looked up with red eyes, swollen and aching from the pang inside her heart. "You promise?" she asked innocently, not ready to receive a no for an answer. 

"I promise." His voice was firm, his words soothing. 

He kissed the top of her head, feeling her grip tightening around him while tears still ran down her wet, rosy cheeks. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, refusing to let go. 

"I'm not going anywhere. Not this time."

As if by instinct, she buried her face in his chest yet again, breathing in his scent and feeling his warmth as he enveloped her petite body in his warm embrace. 

Y/N felt her heart beating faster, the rush of emotions overwhelming and confusing her in the process. God, how much she has missed this. Being held, taken care of, and loved. For the first time, she allowed herself to feel vulnerable and let out a pained sob. She had held it for so long.

"Breathe," he whispered in her ear, noticing her shallow breath in a poor attempt at composure.

Her body couldn't stop shaking in his arms, the waves of emotions and shock deluging her.

"I'm here." The man of her dreams whispered, his words soothing out the bump of worries in her head. He stroked her lusciously dark hair once again, caressing her cheek as she leaned her head on the crook of his neck.

"I've got you."

That was all she needed to hear. 

They both remained in each other's arms, the silence broken only by their heavy breathing. At the same time, Y/N leaned in for his hands, holding them in hers. They were big and mighty next to her small and delicate ones, swallowing them in his palms. She played with his fingers, wrapping her digits around each one like an adorable baby. 

She has done this so many times before. It felt so natural each time as if their hands were sculpted to fit between the gaps of their fingers. Every insertion and removal was smooth like butter. She repeated it over and over because she couldn't get enough of it.

It was his hand she was holding and her hand he was kissing.

"Is this alright?" he asked foolishly.

She replied with a passionate kiss instead, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling the strong man as close as possible. Her body pressed against his, so gentle with each movement that it made him shiver. He leaned into the squeeze, letting go of his worries once and for all, only focusing on her warmth blending with his. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, the heat of her against his own sparking lascivious ideas. 

Her lips pressed softly against his skin, enticingly murmuring her name as a result. 

"Y/N..."

"I missed hearing you saying my name," she whispered into his ear before gently biting onto its helix.

Heeseung closed his eyes and exhaled a deep and long breath. He leaned closer and caressed her chin, tilting it upwards so he could meet her eyes again.

"I want to be with you forever," he said softly, hand gently caressing her hip.

"I want to wake up next to you every morning and sleep with you by my side."

"I want to hold your face and feel your lips on mine every chance. To feel our love growing more and more each day."

"I want to spend my life with you. To know you're my home, my heart."

She gaped at him in shock, not expecting to hear such a meaningful trail of confession after everything. It contradicted his ambiguously lengthy absence in which Y/N went through hell thinking about what she had done wrong. 

Now, he sat before her, eyes full of ardor and sincerity, brushing his devotion on her like a naked canvas. 

"I've made the mistake of letting you go once," he held her hand, placing it on his chest. She felt his rhythmic heartbeat gradually increasing with each prolonged second of his speech. 

"I won't make the same mistake twice, Y/N." 

Heeseung's voice is filled with sincerity and truth, determined to finally carry through his feelings to her like he should have done. 

"I can't promise I will always be perfect," he expressed, his hand intertwining with hers. "But I promise, I won't let anyone tear us apart again."

He squeezed her even tighter as if she was the only thing holding him together.

"What do you mean? Who tore us apart?" her face changed instantly, confusedly staring into his apprehensive eyes. The cat was out of the bag, and Heeseung finally had to face the harsh side of reality.

Instead of answering, however, his gaze drifted away. 

His expression became darker, pupils dilating from the rise of anger within. It wasn't directed towards the reason, but himself. He was furious for preserving this crucial information from her for so long.

He looked away, his hand still over hers as he tried to find the words. He took it and brought it to his lips, gently kissing it as he spoke.

"Your parents..." Heeseung said quietly.

"They never approved of us, and I knew."

Heeseung paused, unsure of how to proceed or what to say next. He didn't want to ruin her relationship with her parents or affect their reunion. Telling the truth was the best choice, but he wondered if she would forgive either side.

"They threatened to sue me and ruin my career. They said I was negligent on the mission. That I wasn't a good enough person to be with you."

He stared at her, doubtful of how much information to share. 

"They didn't want me to talk to you ever again," he disclosed, his tone guarded. "They told me either I stayed away from you or they would ruin my life."

He sighed and looked down at the ground, a slight sense of shame on his face. 

"It was their disapproval, combined with the threat of losing everything, that forced me to leave."

"So you chose your career over our love?" she scoffed, pushing his arms away.

"Your career was more important than our relationship?"

She shook her head in disappointment. 

"No..." Heeseung quickly replied, stunned and hurt by her sudden change of attitude. "You know I'm not like that."

The truth was that he completely understood her reaction. He responded to his terrible decision the same way, turning against himself for being such a selfish prick. 

Nevertheless, so much was at stake that he couldn't have done it differently. That's what he wanted to explain. To make her see his point of view and hopefully make her understand. 

"You're the only person who knows what I had to go through to become an officer, Y/N. You know what kind of future I envisioned for myself, for us."

He wavered, rethinking his wording so as not to make it sound wrong. His voice slightly trembled, incredibly scared of what might come after all of this. "It would have been my entire future they would have destroyed."

She shook her head in denial, not wanting to believe her bloodline would stand in the way of her happiness. She couldn't believe her mother and father put her into that misery and pretended to be clueless. 

They blamed him for everything, constantly pointing out how right they were about him from the beginning of their relationship. They kept telling her that he would eventually leave and never look back when, in reality, they were the ones who would cause it to happen. They were pulling the strings behind her back. 

This whole time, while she deteriorated from the uncontrollable pain all alone, they were the culprits of her suffering. 

"I," she covered her mouth, the urge to vomit intensifying at the repulsive revelation. 

"Why," she looked up at him, anger and resentment burning in her eyes. 

"Why didn't you tell me right away?" she whispered, her voice hingeing from the lack of power.

Heeseung shut his eyelids, unable to speak at first due to the words choking him up. He couldn't even look his love in the eyes as he lowered his face in remorse.

"I thought you wouldn't believe me," he replied calmly, his voice full of emotion. "They are your parents, after all."

Heeseung searched for the correct words to express what he felt in those moments right before he took the decision to leave her for good. 

"I thought me leaving would be the least painful, the least harmful choice. I didn't want to ruin your family for one incompetent coward like me."

"Bullshit!" she yelled, throwing all of his attempts away. She was so angry at him and her parents all at once that it molded into one tangled wool of wrath that gushed obstreperous amounts of ire. 

"I would have believed you, Heeseung. These are all just excuses-"

"How can you say these are just excuses," Heeseung oppugned, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

"You think I liked being forced to make that decision? You think I liked seeing you in pain because of me?"

He sharply inhaled, almost hissing when exhaling. The words were pouring out of him as fast as a waterfall, and no one could stop him from speaking his mind now.

"Don't you think I regret all of it? Don't you think that I wished every single day that I had just told you the damn truth?" he snapped back, his tone rising at each word. 

"Do you have any idea what I went through this last year?" she shut him down, firmly pushing him away.

Do you have any idea what I was thinking this entire time?" she panted, the wrath inside her escalating through the roof.

"I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I couldn't even make you happy, that you left because I only rubbed off my bad mental state, and you couldn't handle it anymore. This entire time, I thought it was MY fault you were gone, and I wanted to die." The curses escaped her chapped lips, fists hitting the mattress out of frustration and lack of control over her emotions. Her eyes burned with ire and disarray, quivering from undergoing sudden shock.

"Every day, I dreamt about dying. Every night, I hoped I wouldn't wake up the next day and that I would just die." She shouted into his face, her yells soon enough turning into painful sobs. 

"After you left, Hee, there was no point for me to live anymore."

Heeseung stared at her, totally awed and stunned by her words. He was blind this whole time, ignorant about what was happening behind the curtains.

He couldn't form a sentence, experiencing such strong and intense emotions that he couldn't even find the words to describe them.

"I tried to end my life so many times," she cried, covering her face with trembling hands, entirely losing control of her body.

Chills ran down his spine at the weight of the last sentence, which unraveled the extent of her suffering. 

His worst fear became true: she was hurting because of him. 

From the start, he tried to do what was best for her future. Yet, he only made it all worse. He ruined her and became the cause of her nightmares, of every second of her affliction.

His heart broke into a million pieces. The amount of guilt he had never experienced before struck him intensely, leaving him breathless.

Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks as he realized he had worsened her depression. 

First, he took away the person who loved her the most and then disposed of the one she loved the most. All at the same time, because of him. 

He wanted to shout, to kick himself for being so oblivious. He wanted to hug her and hold her, cry with her, and beg for forgiveness.

But all he could do at that moment was stand like a deer caught in the headlights, completely speechless.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured.

"I never wanted to cause you... pain." His voice broke as he said those words, the guilt eating him alive.

"I-I should have been there for you, I-" Another sigh parted away.

"I failed to protect you."

"Yea, you fucked up. Now, go," her tone drastically changed, sitting up as she crossed her arms, head turning towards the window.

The world outside seemed so much calmer than the one in the room, the tension sticking on the walls.

Heeseung didn't know what to say. He tried to protest, to say something, to do anything to fix things, but after your dismissal, he knew he had to accept the fact that he had messed up beyond all reasoning.

He walked towards the door, waiting for her to change her mind and ask him to stay. 

However, his wish was replaced by a soft "go."

No other words were necessary for this goodbye.

He turned to face her one final time, his eyes full of regret and misery. They couldn't even match hers for more than two seconds before a tear rolled down his cheek.

He had to look away, refusing to see the pain in her eyes and her trembling face.

"No," he said, turning around.

Heeseung was frustrated and felt misunderstood, lost in the words of frustration and anger thrown his way. 

It broke his heart to hear her say these things. Although he expected the worst possible scenario, he couldn't come to terms with this alternative. There was no way he would let her go again. 

He paused, taking a deep breath to process what he was hearing.

"I failed you as a lover and a friend," he whispered, the tone in his voice filled with sorrow and disappointment. 

"I should have been there for you, I should have stayed and fought."

Her stare was still focused outside, refusing to communicate with him further. There was a lot of bitterness and pain inside her to pursue a polite conversation. Any minute, she would go off like a bomb. He was pushing the time until detonation.

Heeseung took a deep breath yet again, looking around the room in disbelief.

He had never seen her so angry before — not even when she was angry with her parents. This was a whole new level of anger.

He couldn't bear the thought of leaving in such a condition while being furious and hurt. Even if he thought she no longer wanted him around, he needed to prove that was not true. He wanted to prove to her his love was real and was not as shallow as she thought.

"Don't make me call the staff and get you kicked out," the threat set a foot on the floor, directly aiming at him.

She finally made eye contact, handing a cold glare, her brows furrowed and her nostrils flared.

For a few seconds, Heeseung was utterly stunned by her sudden threat and the intensity of the stare. Once she made eye contact, he saw deep down the pain and hurt that she was frantically trying to mask.

"I just want to say one more thing before I leave," he whispered, his tone gentle and apologetic. He looked away, unsure if he was doing the right thing.

"I don't want to hear anything from you," she sat up and got her slippers, aiming to stand up and walk him out.

However, a sharp groan escaped instead, her hand automatically positioning on the ache in her chest. His heart sank once again as he noticed the sudden wince in her facial expression.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice full of worry and concern.

He wanted to reach out but knew he did not deserve to comfort you in such a critical moment. It was all his fault.

Therefore, he remained standing, but only a meter away, as his worries grew over.

"I just need you to leave me alone." her expression changed nattily, practically hissing out the sentence.

He remained silent, not saying a word.He could hear her breathing and the slight wheezing with each inhale. Other than that, there was only the silence of the room.He couldn't find any words to say in such a situation, not when her voice bore hatred and disdain.

Slowly, he backed away from her, his feet making light sounds on the floor, almost unable to hear them. She winced when attempting to slightly move, each muscle in her body tensing at the unexpected action.

Tears summon in her eyes, crawling back from the overlapping ache and sorrow combined into a deadly mixture. Heeseung noticed how her body reacted, recalling the doctor's orders. He couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't stand idle.

"Wait," he said quickly, his tone filled with worry and panic. He rushed to her side, putting a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from getting up.

"God, you're such a-" Her whine swallows the curse word, shutting her eyelids due to the ascending pain.

"You can hate me as much as you want, but you must lay down this instance," Heeseung sighed, noticing her effort at resisting his actions even if it was all for her safety. He tried to lay her down slowly but firmly, making sure he didn't hurt her any further.

He gently pushed her backward on the bed, hoping the pain from the movement didn't worsen.

"You're a pain in the ass," she coughed, eyes still closed to avoid any form of direct eye contact. His presence beside was enough to rile her up and clench her fists.

He had to hide his smile as her attempts to push him away and the occasional bursts of insults were adorable. She might have been furious at the moment, but her actions gave away the small hint of weakness underneath.

It made him want to apologize for coming back at the wrong time, but he remained silent and waited by her side for the pain to subside.

He sat on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window with a heavy pang in his heart. He stayed silent for a while, content with sitting in silence, even if she was still furious at him.

He occasionally glanced at her with a sorrowful look, as if he was sorry for causing you so much pain and distress.

Slowly, he turned his head back towards the window and exhaled, the only noise he made for the following minutes.

"I should be furious and mad at you for everything," she whispered, "Yet, I can't because it hurts even more."

Heeseung's eyes widened once she spoke up. She might have not looked at him, but he heard her perfectly.

She still sounded angry, but it sounded more like regret than anything else. It was the first time he saw her defenses crack, and he was starting to wonder how long until she completely broke down.

"I prayed every night to see you again, to be held in your arms," she paused, suppressing the wave of tears from flushing down her face.

"I-" she put her arm over her face, fighting herself from speaking up further.

He remained silent, watching her struggle with her emotions. He couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart seeing her trying so hard not to break down in front of him.

With a light, tender gesture, he wiped the tears away from her cheeks and put his hand over her fist, trying to hold her fingers while remaining careful about the injuries.

"I hate you," she whimpered.

"I hate how much I love you after everything."

Those words hit him like a knife to the heart.

Hearing her confess her love and hatred towards him was a bittersweet feeling. Although her words still harbored anger, there was no denying his heart was aching for her.

He looked at her, not saying anything, just staring, his eyebrows furrowing, waiting to hear what else she had to say.

"You broke me, and somehow-" she lingered on her words, snuffling, "you're the only thing I think about."

Heeseung's heart ached with each word she spoke, hearing the emotional confession.

He didn't quite know what to say. Her love for him seemed just as conflicting as her rage and hatred as if both were trying to take the throne as the primary emotion in her heart.

Her tearful, trembling voice made him feel vulnerable too, his entire being consumed by the emotions that made him want to hug her so tightly, wanting so desperately to make everything better.

"You turned me into a mess," she covered her face with her palms, refusing to be seen this vulnerable and weak again.

He couldn't even argue with that statement because, at that moment, he knew she was right. He had turned her into a mess. He had left her without a single thought about if she would be alright, what it would do to her given her psychological condition. 

He had forgotten how much she loved and needed him and how his sudden disappearance would affect her. He was unable to stand her vulnerable state any longer.

He grabbed both her wrists, pulling them away from her face, letting his eyes meet hers.

"Look at me," he said in the softest way possible.

He was doing exactly what she didn't want him to do.

She was concealing her reckless emotions from him, forbidding him to see her like this any longer.

At his words, she reluctantly let go of and slowly lifted her face. She didn't want him here, but she did. She craved, no, needed him.

She looked directly into his eyes, feeling her heart ache, not wanting this moment to end but also wanting to escape it. His orbs had the most solemn expression, looking at her with sorrow and empathy.

He couldn't help but feel how her emotions were constantly switching between rage and sadness, and although she didn't say the words, his heart was still willing to believe that she still loved him.

Because she truly did.

And that's why she hated herself so much.

Heeseung's heart couldn't take it anymore.

When she looked away from his eyes, he saw how much she was still struggling to keep her emotions from breaking down completely. He wanted to help her, he wanted to make everything better, but he didn't know how.

With a light tug, he pulled her close and tightly hugged her. The warmth from his body spread to her, the smell of his cologne filling her nostrils.

As if the whole world had turned upside down, she had officially reached her limits. There were no barriers in her way anymore and she let her emotions burst out.

At last, she allowed herself to cry in front of someone again. In front of him. In his arms, in his embrace, in his chest.

With the sound of her trembling breaths, Heeseung could feel how real this moment was. Every tear falling from her cheeks, every sniffle, and every sob.

He didn't mind one bit. He didn't care how vulnerable she was right now or how weak this moment made her look. To him, her hugging hugging him back and feeling her body pressed against his was all that mattered right now.

She was finally home.

She was finally safe again.

She was where she was supposed to be all along.

With her lover, her soulmate, her other part.

She could finally smile again.

Heeseung tightened the grip on her body, wanting to bring her as close as possible to fill the space of loneliness in her heart.

The feeling of her warm body against his was all he needed to feel complete again. It was like he found the last missing piece of the puzzle. With it, the picture was complete. His heart was finally beating again. 

He kept his arms around her, not letting go of her for a single second. He hoped that this was just the beginning of their second chance.

Her hands rested on his chest as she lifted her head, inches away from his lips.

He brought her closer, making the space between their faces even shorter. He slowly lowered his head to meet her lips, his breath slightly trembling as his heart pumped rapidly in his chest.

She moaned into the kiss, closing her eyes and letting him take control. She was so tired, both mentally and physically, but craved him intensely.

Their tongues collided against each other leisurely and intensely at the same time, desperate to have one another as close as possible. 

The kiss was hungry, both despairing for each other that they were practically devouring each other rather than just simply enjoying the moment.

Heeseung's arms tightly wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his body, his lips moving with a steady pace alongside hers. There was no need for any words, as their entire bodies had already expressed everything they needed to.

His hands ran under her hospital gown, sliding upwards on her back. She arched her back at the contact, moaning and lightly biting onto his lip.

Heeseung couldn't help but moan at her reaction. The feeling of his hands on her skin sent shivers down her spine, his fingers feeling like little sparks of joy spreading through.

He moaned against her lips again, wanting this moment to last even longer.

She was all his, and he was all hers.

There was nothing that could stop them from being so intimate and together right now. All the anger and hatred that lingered inside was washed away by the sheer joy of being reunited.

He began tracing her spine with delicate, light touches, sending a chill down her back despite the warm sensations that the gesture caused.

When his hands moved further up, her back began to arch involuntarily, breathing becoming heavier.

His fingers found themselves tangled in her hair, pulling back as the kisses became even more passionate.

"Someone could come in any moment," she panted as he pulled away for a minute, gripping his shirt for stability since she was in a daze. Any hospital staff could barge in, and she certainly didn't want anyone to catch her engaging in lewd activities...

Heeseung let out a chuckle at her reminder, still feeling his heart pump and his lips vibrating with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

"I don't mind," he whispered, his lips hovering near hers again, teasing.

At that moment, the kiss felt so perfect for him, so right that he didn't care if anyone saw them in such a vulnerable state. He looked around the room and back at her, a small, mischievous grin appearing on his face.

"You're crazy!" she wanted to protest, but he kissed her again, sliding his hand behind her neck so she could fully transfer her weight onto his hand.

"Don't worry," he said, getting up and heading towards the door, getting a "do not disturb" sign out of the shelf and putting it on the door's front handle before locking themselves in.

He was glad he had decided to take her to a private hospital, not only because the surgery was done quickly, but he could also stay the night with her.

She couldn't help but feel a little bit of relief wash over, knowing that they wouldn't be interrupted by anybody walking by. The two of you could finally have some privacy to let the passion and desire run free.

With the heat between both of them building up, Heeseung returned to the bed, this time straddling on top of her.

"Oh," she gaped at him from below, her hands holding onto his arms next to her.

Her gaze landed underneath his shirt as he hovered over her, allowing her to fully see his abs. They were still as sculpted and defined as she remembered, perhaps even more visible now. Her mouth slightly hung loose, biting her lip to conceal her arousal.

He looked down at her, seeing the intent stare at his abs as her finger lightly trailed towards the edge of his shirt.

With a soft smirk, he lifted his arms, letting her expose his entire upper body, the abs, and pecs flexing slightly as he moved. He let her admire and touch every inch of his muscle, even letting her trace the veins on his arms.

For some reason, seeing him suddenly topless caused a couple of fireworks to set off in her stomach, immediately looking away to hide the wave of heat mantling her cheeks.

Heeseung couldn't help but giggle softly at her shyness, finding it utterly appealing. He still got butterflies each time she blushed like this, finding it to be one of her most endearing characteristics.

He leaned closer, lifting her hands off her face and caressing it with his own hands.

"So beautiful," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Don't be shy. You can touch any part of me you want."

"Hee," she panted, feeling breathless from the lewdness of his words.

He chuckled, noticing how overwhelmed she got.

"I can't believe how easily flustered you get."

He paused for a few seconds before placing one of his hands on her pink cheek.

"It's okay to be touched like this, you know," he whispered into her ear.

"You've touched my heart so many times already, you can touch me as much as you like."

"If you keep talking like that, I'll melt," she sighed, placing her hand on his face as his gaze only evoked more attraction.

Heeseung laughed, finding her response to his comments sweet. He could see her already trying not to blush and feeling quite embarrassed, which made him want to tease her even further.

"Is that so?" he inquired, looking at her with a teasing smile on his lips.

"Well, maybe it would be better to see you in liquid form. Then I could at least drink in your beauty all at once."

"What are you even saying!" She widened her eyes, slapping his arm and covering her mouth out of embarrassment.

Heeseung smiled and played with a strand of her hair.

"Am I making you upset?" he teased, "and there I was, planning on making you melt all over me so I could lick it all up." With a smirk, he brought his face closer to hers, letting her feel his breath against her lips.

"You're such a pervert," her head turned to the side on the pillow, closing her eyes as the tip of her ears began to redden.

"You like it, though," his voice was tinged with a teasing undertone, almost daring her to deny it.

"Is this making you nervous?" he asked lusciously, "maybe I should keep kissing your neck until you can't take it anymore."

She moaned and grabbed his back the moment his lips brushed against her neck, breathing heavier than before.

He knew damn well how sensitive her neck was, and he always used that against her. He smirked at her reaction to his kiss, noticing how her body tensed up.

As he continued kissing her neck and leaving hickeys all across it, he could hear how she was trying to repress her moans.He didn't plan on going too far with this, but he was incredibly tempted to make you her out with his touch.

She pushed him away for a minute, her whole body practically shaking from the stimulation.

Heeseung smirked, knowing he had pushed her limits with the kiss.

Still, he didn't hesitate one second to get close to her again and place light kisses across her face.

"Is that too much?" he asked, his voice still maintaining that teasing tone, "I could do even more you know. We have a whole night ahead of us."

"I hate you so much," she grunted, letting him peck her face with smooches.

"Such harsh words coming from such a cute mouth." Heeseung laughed as she kept resisting his kisses, only making him want to tease her more.

"You can hate me all you want, but you can't escape my charm," he grinned at her, kissing her forehead and letting his fingers trail downwards.

"You could have gotten me naked instead of blabbering on."

Heeseung raised his eyebrows and smirked at the straightforwardness of her comment.

"Is that an invitation?" he inquired, "cause if it is, then I accept it completely." He brought her close to his body again, still keeping a firm grasp around her waist.

"Let me make your desire come true."

"Be careful, it hurts," she sat up, holding onto him.

Heeseung smiled softly at her actions, letting her sit up and gently lifting her onto his lap. He saw how tired she was, the exhaustion of the surgery still weighing in on her.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" he inquired in a concerned tone, "we don't have to do anything, and still…"

He wavered for a moment, leaning her body against him.

"I still want to be near you."

She nodded, running her hands on his bare chest before giving it soft and tender pecks.

He let out a soft groan as his chest was bombarded with so many kisses, his body feeling warm at the spot her lips placed on. He let her body lean on him, enjoying the softness of her skin on his own. He couldn't stop but smile at how soft and gentle her every gesture was, making him feel the need to protect her.

She traced upwards, bringing her lips to his neck. She soaked up the smell of his scent, letting her lips slowly brush against his honey skin, licking and biting occasionally.

After kissing his cheek, she let her face rest on his shoulder, sighing at the warmth they were passing onto each other.

Heeseung cuddled her, running his hands through her silky hair as he enjoyed the closeness of her presence. They were both lying in silence for a couple of minutes, letting the quietness of the moment envelope them both. He felt content, and so did she. She floundered to explain it, but being in his arms made her feel safe and protected as if she was in a cocoon away from the outside world.

"Help me take this off, please," she pointed at her gown, slowly kissing him one more time.

"You don't have to say it twice."

He paused for a moment, feeling her tongue gently slide across his lips. It was as if she couldn't wait to feel his warmth all over her body. The thought made him eager to get rid of the clothing, so he began pulling the strings to the side, slowly untying them before she could slip the dress over her shoulders.

She looked down to see her chest wrapped with bandages from the surgery, sighing at the sight. Her eyes darted away, slanting a bit.

Heeseung's eyes followed her gaze, realizing how uncomfortable and self-conscious she must have felt about it. Wanting to ease her tension, he smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders before whispering next to her ear.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I am your lover, and nothing you show me will make me love you any less."

With those words, Heeseung's voice was tinged with kindness, as he wanted to make her feel at ease and wanted.

"I'm sorry for looking like this," she lowered your head, trying to hide her chest.

Heeseung gently caressed her face, lifting it so he could stare directly into her eyes.

"Never be sorry for something you have zero control over." He lifted his hand and placed it on top of her chest, his thumb running across the bandages.

"I was here to support you during the surgery, and I'm still here now to support you through your recovery, and no matter what, I will always love you."

She felt her eyes watering, sobbing as his kind words caressed her soul with love.

He didn't hesitate to pull her in a tight hug, soothing her as he cradled her in his arms.

The comfort of his touch was evident, not only from how her body quivered from the sudden embrace but also from her sobbing. It was clear as a day that she was going through a lot, but the thought of being in his arms was enough to calm her nerves and soothe her soul.

"I love you," she whispered, looking for his lips with hers.

"I love you more, Y/N."

Heeseung brought their bodies closer. It was a tender moment, full of affection and love, as they shared a deep kiss full of care and adoration.

"So you still want me? Even though I look like this," she foolishly asked, worried he could be less attracted to her after the surgery. Not only that, but she had lost a lot of weight, and she wasn't comfortable in her skin.

Heeseung was instantly alarmed at the comment, well aware of her insecurities. The way she was concerned was the last thing he needed to see right now.

"Don't ever think like that again," he placed his forehead against hers, wanting her to understand how he felt.

"Nothing will ever make me love you less. You've been through this surgery and lost some weight, but have I ever told you how beautiful you still look? How much I still want you?"

"Please tell me," she hiccuped, getting goosebumps when he cupped her cheeks and softly caressed them in his big hands.

Heeseung smirked softly before leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"You are incredible to me. Nothing has changed how I feel about you. In fact, I feel that my love for you has multiplied, and I want you more than ever."

He waited for a minute, letting his words sink into her heart.

"You've gone through so much today, and all I want to do is take care of you and help you recover fully..."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing from receiving so much care and affection. She had gotten used to being alone and not having anyone for so long that she forgot how it felt to be loved.

Heeseung saw how his behavior was having a huge impact on her, and although he was touched by seeing her reaction, he also felt a certain joy in it, since it meant she was letting him into her life. The more she let him in, the more he felt satisfied, seeing how she accepted his protection. 

"Let me cuddle you again," he smiled, caressing her hair as he pulled her closer to his body.

"No, make love to me, please," she leaned back, letting him gently hold her close.

"I want you so badly."

Heeseung was a bit taken aback by the suddenness of her demand, but the tone of her voice was tempting and irresistible.

He let his hands crawl down her body until they ended up resting on her hips and butt.

"Are you sure you're feeling good enough to do something like this?" he whispered into her ear, not wanting to do anything that could potentially hurt her.

"As long as you're gentle," she smiled, caressing his face in her palm.

Heeseung let out a low growl as she touched his face, delicate yet sensual, enough to make him harder. The more she touched him, the more he felt his heart racing and his breath speeding up.

He moved in closer, their bodies touching from head to toe as her breath hitched.

"I'm all yours," she whispered.

Heeseung was speechless the moment he heard those words leave her mouth. 

It was the most beautiful thing he could ever imagine. 

Someone who truly loves him and wants to be with him.

He looked down at her, letting his orbs get lost in hers.

"Do you mean those words?"

She nodded, pressing herself onto his erection.

"My heart only beats for you and you only," she smiled, intertwining her hands with his.

He let out a low gasp upon seeing her take control, feeling some blood hastily flowing to his lower regions.

Her words were like music to his ears, and he kept grinning like an idiot. He was so happy she felt this way about him. He lowered his head, kissing the small space between her shoulder and neck.

"Take off your pants, Hee," she grabbed his belt, trying to take it off.

Her command had him on edge. He was so eager to obey that he didn't waste a second and quickly complied, undoing his leather belt and taking off his trousers as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Seeing him completely naked in front of her made her nervous, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear while looking over to the side.

Why did he have to look so ethereal and luscious?

The moment she averted her gaze to another direction and started playing with her hair, urging him to be even closer. He let out a slow breath and took in her appearance from head to toe.

She always had a way of looking vulnerable yet seductive that made his heart flutter with every heartbeat.

He leaned over, gently laying her back on the bed, getting on top. 

She gasped quietly, having him this close making her feel some type of way. Her hand wandered on his neck, pulling him lower to get a taste of his luscious lips one more time.

Heeseung moaned as she tugged him downwards and let her explore his body. It was a feeling that left him with no words.

He let his body rest on hers, making sure she was in a comfortable position as his hands roamed around her flawless body, trailing upwards until they ended up on her breasts.

She hitched once his warm palms held them, cautiously caressing them. Her hands rested upon his, guiding them to cup her breasts a bit more.

His touch was tender and careful, making sure not to hurt her while molding his hands to fit her curves. Her hands encouraged and guided him more, immediately tightening. Nevertheless, he made sure to keep the pressure at a minimum.

The feeling of the heat between their bodies, the sensation of their fingers running over each others' bodies, and the delicate kissing was enough to make his breath pick up pace as he groaned softly.

"You're so beautiful," she breathed out, every bit of oxygen getting cut off in her system whenever he looked at her with that dazzling gaze.

He sensed a deep level of contentment, letting his lips brush against hers. They were warm, and the feeling of her soft body under him left him feeling so excited that his heart would burst.

The fact she even wanted to be with him in that moment made the experience more fulfilling to him, the love only growing with each passing second.

He guided his mouth lower, from her neck to her collarbones, until he had reached her petite breasts, rubbing his face against them. He couldn't get enough of her scent and warmth, kissing and licking her nipples.

The tingling sensation of his tongue made her body shiver, bringing a rush of excitement. Her hands moved upwards to his hair, letting her fingers run through it. She failed to hide her moans, a few escaping, causing a surge of ecstasy to run to her toes, which curled in response. It was quite difficult to maintain her composure.

Her whimpers drove him crazy, glazing her teats tenderly like they were his favorite type of ice cream he couldn't get enough of.

She looked down at Heeseung's erection, grabbing it in her hand. Her fingers wrapped around it gradually, her heart rate racing, mind all over the place. She was lost in passion and had a hard time believing this was happening.

He leaned to her ear, his breath brushing over her after whispering her name. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, but he was also excited at the same time. It's been a while since the last time he had felt the sensation of a woman's touch on him, and he liked it.

She kept guiding her hand, traveling up and down his shaft. He continued twitching in her hand, overstimulated by her touch and existence. She struggled to properly inhale, the intensity of their activities sucking in all the clear oxygen roaming around the room.

Heeseung was going crazy. He was shivering and jolting, all his sensations heightening, and his body was becoming a little sensitive. She didn't have to touch his sensitive area to make him squirm. The way she used her hand to stroke him made any self-control he had left fly out of the window. The pleasure of her touch was overbearing.

"I missed you so much," she confessed, her thumb pressing on the head of his member, causing him to hiss in pleasure.

"I missed you too, Y/N," he whispered, letting a low moan slip out of his lips. She had his full attention. Not even his breath would slip away.

The way she took pride in making him squirm and moan, the way she traced him like a paintbrush across a canvas, made his heart skip a beat, wanting more of her.

He slowly thrust his member into her hand, practically using her to ease his arousal. She guided her palm gently down his shaft, letting him pleasure himself using her body. She kissed his neck, gently biting it. It was fun to care for the dominant one in the relationship.

Heeseung groaned as her lips kissed and nibbled on his neck. The feeling of the kisses left the blood running hot through his veins, sending a rush of heat through, slightly spasming below.

His hands moved down her body, one of them grasping her hips. She groaned as he felt his fingers circling her sacred part, spitting down for easy access inside.

"You shouldn't be doing this," he panted, his index playing with her clit.

"I should be the one pleasuring you," he stopped her from doing anything more, not wanting her to feel as though she needed to compensate him in any way.

His hand moved down to her body, skimming over her skin and body before settling down between her legs. His fingers caressed her folds, sending shivers.

"But I want to," she pouted, attempting to close her legs when his face was inches away from her exposed lower part.

"I know you do, but it's time that I got to return the favor to you," he cupped her thighs, squeezing them gently as he lifted her legs over his shoulders.

She covered her mouth, closing her eyes the minute his tongue brushed over her woman parts, causing her to throw her head back from euphoria.

Heeseung's touch was gentle but firm. He wasn't being forceful, he wasn't being rough, he was merely enjoying the moment of watching her body shake and tremble.

His hand moved lower and lower, his finger tracing your entrance.

His spit slipped inside, alongside his fingers, moving them in and out with ease while licking her clit. He pushed his fingers in more, curling them upwards to hit that sweet spot that would make her moan and groan in pleasure.

"Hee," she panted, drooling over how good she was feeling, tugging his hair since she needed to hold onto something. After all, she was going through cloud nine.

His touch left her gasping for air like a dying woman. She had no choice but to squirm and moan, letting a wave of ecstasy take over. It felt like she was in another world, the feeling extremely intense.

Heeseung's fingers circled and moved inside her, causing her to dissolve. She gritted her teeth, hands forming into fists as the pleasure overstimulated her.

His were moving slowly and methodically, focused on her that the world around him almost didn’t exist anymore.

It was as if the both of them were in their little worlds, enjoying the feeling of being together, their breathings syncing, bodies blending into one blossom. His hands slowly picked up the pace, going slightly quicker while remaining gentle.

"Hee," she called out softly, fighting to contain her lewd sounds, legs shaking slightly as the stimulations were overlapping. She felt like she was going to explode any second.

He knew what you were going through because he could see her expressions rapidly changing with each lick and curl. She was reaching that point where she couldn't hold it in anymore. It made him happy since this was proof that he was capable of pleasuring her to such an extent.

"I love you," she cried from the pleasure, arms crossing over her face to hold it all in. His fingers were quickly moving deeper and faster. He wanted her to experience as much as she could right now.

The words of affection got Heeseung feeling all mushy inside. He wanted to please her, to make her experience everything he could give.

"I-" her mind went blank, turning your head from one side to the other, feeling her climax building up inside. She was so close, and she couldn't hold on anymore. Her hand immediately grabbed his free one, tightly gripping it.

Heeseung didn't stop, speeding up to drive her over that edge.

"Hee-" she called desperately, legs shaking as he kept licking and moving his fingers quicker.

"Relax… Just relax, Y/N… Let go, let go for me," he said, his voice soft but commanding.

Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her body shaking and tugging rapidly as she reached her climax, completely covering his fingers in her arousal. Heeseung smiled, licking all of her cum from his fingers and entrance, edging her with his kitten licks.

"Fuck," she cursed, overstimulated by everything.

She felt like all the tension had left her body - as if gravity had let go, and she was floating in the air. Her mind was blank, body trembling, breath quick and shaky as the feeling of pleasure was running all through your system.

"Heeseung," she whispered, pulling him closer.

He smiled a little as he moved his hand up to her cheek.

She wrapped her arms and legs around his body, kissing his neck over and over again.

"Please, put it in," she begged, resting in his embrace.

The moment she spoke was almost like music to his ears, and Heeseung knew exactly what you were asking for.

He gently pushed her down onto her back, leaning over with his hand trailing down her shoulder and chest to her neck. He let his other hand move lower slowly to touch her properly.

"Are you ready?", he whispered.

She kissed him, letting her actions speak. Her tongue immediately slid inside, breathing and moaning into his mouth.

He matched her energy, his tongue fighting with hers. He wasn't being gentle, neither was he being a beast. He was allowing the moment to unfold, not rushing it. The wet kisses were leaving them yearning for more.

"I don't want to wait anymore, Hee," she conveyed, wholly resting her body on the bed. Her legs were still wrapped around his waist, putting her arms above her head.

It was her way of letting him know that she was ready. That she needed him, now.

Those words sent his blood boiling, causing his member to twitch and jolt from the feeling of wanting her so badly.

He looked down at her marvelous body, noticing the position she had placed herself in for him - the invitation he saw in her eyes made him go wild.

He leaned down to her, his breath handling her with every word that came out of his mouth.

"Are you sure you can handle me?" he whispered, his voice a little low and husky from the intense moment.

"Stop talking and just do it already," her patience was getting thin, rubbing her lower part against his.

He grinned, unable to hold back the smile on his face after she snapped at him. With his body resting over hers, his hands went to the back of her legs, squeezing them slightly.

He looked into her eyes once more before pushing his body forward, aligning his shaft at her entrance. It wouldn't have been Heeseung if he hadn't teased first, rubbing his member against her slickness. He enjoyed watching her whimper in agony and frustration.

Her mind went blank the more he teased, swept away from his touch. There wasn't one single thought in her mind, merely focusing on this moment.

Her hands gripped his muscular arms, moans getting louder with each moment he rubbed against her beautiful body.

Heeseung's mind was on nothing but giving her satisfaction. Her legs gripped his back, voice becoming more breathy and soft as she wanted him to ease her arousal.

He smiled, and without a warning, he put himself in, his dick sliding inside her smoothly, causing both of them to moan loudly.

Her slippery and hot walls trapped him inside, trying to soothe his tugging and jerking shaft. He groaned, his abdomen drawing in at every push, shaking his head from the vigor of pleasure. She was unreal, her beauty, her body, just all of her.

Heeseung opened his eyes after calming down, his breathing deepening. His lips agonized for hers, huffing his compressed desire and longing into a powerful and passionate kiss. It was the longest one of today, sucking her lips in his mouth, his tongue grazing over, between, or under them continuously. He couldn't get enough, cursing at how unbelievable this was.

Her heart was beating so fast she could feel it in her ears, not believing that this was happening to her right now.

"H-Hees…" she could barely say his name as her voice quivered. He was using one hand to hold her against him, his other moving down to her hand.

"Y/N…" He breathed out, his voice husky and shaky. His thumb rubbed her hand, squeezing it gently to the point she could feel his touch.

The feeling of him being inside was a mix of many things, but the main factor was that it felt right. His body fit like a puzzle inside, like two pieces finally joining together.

She had used this expression before, but there was no better way of describing this bliss. It was too perfect to be true.

She was losing her mind, forgetting to breathe.

“Take a deep breath,” he whispered, the words barely audible from being so lost in the moment.

His hips slowly moved alongside her, their bodies now both thrusting together, absolutely lost in the moment.

All of his thoughts disappeared, the rush for pleasure consuming him. His lips met her shoulder between kisses, his tongue licking along it.

She did as he said, inhaling and exhaling filthy noises, turning him on even more. Her eyes were teary, not because it hurt, but because it felt too good.

“Good girl,” he whispered, caressing her hair.

His hips kept moving, taking longer, his back arching as he did. It took everything in him not to lose himself in the pleasure, to hold back and make sure that this was a long and enjoyable experience for both sides.

"Don't ever leave me again, please," she pleaded, realizing how emotional she was getting with each thrust. The fear inside was climbing over her walls, ready to ambush.

"Never," he vowed, kissing her with such desperation that he couldn't control himself any longer. It was like he was craving more of her.

Her hands held onto his hips, nails digging into his skin for support. Her legs were starting to give up, shaking from the intensity and ecstasy of their lovemaking.

Heeseung noticed her legs, moving his hand down to grip her thigh and hold it up slightly. He knew that he had to make adjustments to take it slower and not wear her out so quickly.

“Heeseung,” she breathed out, watching their bodies moving together with every single thrust. How he slid inside her and pulled away, completely disappearing inside her while hitting her hallowed spot. She threw her back, the image sending goosebumps all over.

He watched her body twitch and shiver, nails digging into his back. His breath was growing shaky, incapable of thinking about anything but being inside of her, enjoying the moment when the two of them were connected completely.

She looked at him through her droopy eyelids, toiling to look straight as he kept pushing himself deeper. Her mouth was drooling slightly, a light string of saliva tracing down her neck. This had to be what they meant by being fucked until your brain was empty.

"I love you," he moaned, his voice shaking and his breath increasing in speed. He could barely keep himself from falling in that moment; he was trying his best to keep a steady rhythm.

Her eyes rolled back, completely deteriorating in his thrusts. The deeper he fucked her, the more her insides quivered.

Heeseung pushed even deeper, his mouth open and his breaths coming out in small puffs of white air.

Her nails left long scratches on his back, losing control over herself.

"I'm here," he whispered against her neck. "I'm not going anywhere." Every word he said had a sense of urgency and determination to it. He was there, in her arms and he wasn't leaving her.

"I love you so much, Hee," she sobbed, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. Her moans occasionally slipped out due to his magical thrusts, becoming one with him.

"I love you too," he said quietly as he raised his other hand to her forehead and gently ran his fingers through her bangs. His hand came down to caress her cheek and he looked directly into her eyes. The passion he felt for her was overwhelming, and he couldn't think of anything at this moment but her and the wonderful moment they were sharing.

Heeseung moved his mouth back to her neck, kissing and nibbling softly. This feeling of belonging and unity between the two of them was just incredible.

His thrusts were longer but at the same time slower, his hand moving down her thigh and moving her legs down to his, he needed more grip for the both of their pleasure.

She bit her lips, eyes shutting at the phenomenal experience, throwing her head back and slightly arching. Her chest started hurting a bit, as their intercourse was getting a bit intense.

"Hey," he breathed, pulling himself out for a moment from your body. "Are you okay?"

It seemed that he caught on to the fact that she was beginning to feel some pain. He moved to the side and looked down at her, his face concerned.

"Sorry, it just," she pointed to the wound, exhaling loudly.

He realized that he made her discomforted. He couldn't stop himself from frowning, his face looking concerned.

"Don't apologize," he said, his voice a little low. "Just tell me what I can do to help relieve the pain, alright?"

"Maybe if we lay on our sides," she proposed, struggling to make herself turn

"That's a good idea," he helped her turn, leaning behind her and putting his arms around to help her stay in that position. His body eased into that position, laying his head behind her, arms holding her, and his chest touching her back.

"That's better," she smiled, breathing a bit easier now.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I was enjoying the moment so much that I got a little carried away…"

"No, it's ok, I was enjoying it as much as you," she turned her head back a bit, grabbing his hands and putting it on her stomach.

Heeseung's body relaxed after her reassurance, leaning in more to wrap himself around her, the top half of his body covering her while the lower half pushed deeper into her.

She whimpered when he slid back in, squeezing his hands with a resonant sigh. This time, he was slower and more gentle, kissing from her nape all down her spine, leaving a lengthy trace of ardor. His mouth traced slowly down her back, turning his adoration into a sensational experience.

It was different this time because his concerns about her comfort were clambering. He never wanted to hurt her, only aiming to give her pleasure. Hence, he grabbed her leg, putting it over his so he had more space to enter deeper, to hit that spot that sent her through the roof.

As expected, she let out a deep gasp, the sound escaping from her almost involuntarily. Heeseung's tongue traced another slow line down her spine and back up again, savoring her taste.

He caressed her inner thigh, moving his hand back to her chest to play with her teats. His thumb and index grabbed them, twisting them around. He loved her appearance, but her breasts were the real treasure he never got enough of.

Words weren't able to describe how incredible this moment was, how their bodies connected and merged into one blossom of fervor.

His hands trailed up and down, drafting her marvelous curves. His touch felt light and gentle, yet there was still a sense of urgency and power behind it.

"You're so fucking beautiful, it's driving me crazy," he cursed, squeezing her breast.

"You're… you're so perfect," he spat out in between kisses, his body getting comfortable and used to this position. He bit down more forcefully on her neck, his kisses leaving more and more red marks.

"Hold me close, please," she whimpered, looking for his hands on her body.

"I got you," he said, body shifting to fully align with hers, arms gripping her from behind to tighten. He brought his face into her neck, his breathing speeding up with each kiss he gave her.

"Never let go," she sobbed, squeezing his hands with her trembling ones.

"Never, I promise," he pledged, holding her close to his chest.

She could feel his heart beating in time with hers, both sounding like they were about to explode.

"Never," she repeated, praying it was going to become true.

Heeseung kissed her deeply and passionately, pressing his body up against hers.

He was aware of her intonation, the worries raking in her head. Every kiss was stronger, more intense, and hotter than the last as he had to destroy all of them, one by one. His lips moved along her neck, tongue encircling on her neck, licking along it as he left no spot untouched.

She sat up, pushing him back on the bed. Heeseung's eyes widened, his reflexes quickly grabbing her wrists to prevent her from falling back.

She slightly groaned, lowering her head a little to catch her breath.

"Can you also sit up?" she proposed, wanting the two of you to make love while hugging each other.

He did as she asked, lifting himself a bit, leaning his back against the bed as he sat up with his legs spread. His hands held her back, one of his hands moving down to hold her leg as the other rested back on his. His mouth met hers, giving her a long kiss, not letting go of her in any way.

"I wanted to look at you," she voiced as she guided his shaft back inside her, scrunching her face.

"That's fine," he breathed out, his voice hoarse from being in her again, the constant switching driving his member to aggravate.

His eyes looked at her while her body trembled and twitched, his body feeling incredible. It was almost like being high, heavenly, and divine.

"I can feel your heart beating against mine," she smiled, her chest brushing against his, her perky nipples stimulating themselves.

Heeseung's heart beat faster every time she did that, her soft hands tenderly caressing his body, as if it would break in her delicate touch. She went over the muscles of his leg, his stomach, his chest, and eventually his arms. Her touch sent shivers down his spine and made him moan and sigh, realizing just how much she was driving him crazy.

"I missed you so much," she chuckled, masking the pain in her voice by cupping his cheeks.

"I missed you too," he breathed out, his lips locking with yours, making sure to kiss her deeply to show how much she meant to him.

Every kiss and bite seemed to drive a feeling of euphoria through his body, like every time he kissed her, a wave of happiness and satisfaction coursed through.

She closed her eyes when he caressed her back, circling it with a tender push. He made her feel so comfortable and safe, all with just one look, one touch, one kiss.

His kiss was the sweetest thing, his hands and lips exploring every inch of her. He wanted to feel all of her curves and touch every inch of her skin.

Her fingers wandered into his hair as the kiss deepened, huffing into his mouth while gently moving up and down, making both of them feel the most wonderful fractions inside.

He pulled her closer, their bodies wrapped around each other, unable to let go of one another. Their hands rested along each other's sides and their legs slightly entwined underneath.

Heeseung's tongue slid in and out of her mouth, exploring all of the areas he had already tasted before. He licked her upper lip after moving his hands down her hips.

He firmly gripped them, guiding her up and down his cock while he sucked on her neck, leaving trails of hickeys.

His breath warmed her icy skin and his lips kissed and nibbled along. Her body was starting to tremble and shake, his tongue returning to her lips. His kisses were extremely passionate, the ones where she forgot to breathe or think.

She pulled away, staring into his eyes through her lax gaze, mouth slightly agape, lips covered in their saliva. Her brain was empty, not thinking about anything but his presence and being inside her.

It felt like a deer caught in the headlights, clueless and innocent.

Heeseung smirked, watching her stare back but not knowing what to say. She appeared so pure it made him want to kiss her over and over again, fully swallow her in smooches and happiness.

He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her face towards him again, this time gently kissing her neck.

Her wet lips brushed against his neck, quietly puffing and huffing. Her saliva was pooling on his shoulder since she rested her face on it, unintentionally drooling from the sensation.

Neither of them had any intention of stopping, wanting this moment to be eternal. When he saw how much she was enjoying herself, when he felt how aroused she was and how much he was giving her pleasure his lips curled into a satisfied smile.

His hands moved back from her cheeks to her hips again, squeezing her waist. His kisses still moved along her neck, his tongue occasionally nibbling at her collarbone and leaving it slightly red from the small love bites. 

She was drunk-dazed from his love and affection, from his kisses and touch, from his presence. One man was enough to wreck your entire world over and gather it up back, and that was Lee Heeseung. 

"I love you," he muttered. 

Nothing else was on his mind other than how gorgeous she looked, how incredible she felt, and how good it was to see every expression on her face from pleasure to satisfaction.

"Say it again," she murmured into his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You want me to.. say it again?" he asked, his voice a bit playful, yet his smile warm and genuine.

He moved his tongue to the side of her neck, running it from her ear to her collarbone, kissing it softly.

"I love you."

"Again," she smiled, closing her eyes from the exhaustion.

Heeseung chuckled, caressing her cheeks and running his fingers through her hair.

"Hmm, should I?" He teased, his voice mischievous.

"Should I say it again?" His breath and hand fondled her neck with marks.

"Mhm," she nodded, lazily dragging her lips on his neck.

"I love you..." he breathed out, moving his lips down until they reached hers.

"How many times do you want me to say it?"

"Until the day I die," she mumbled, eyelids shut and mouth still drooling, body completely relaxed and leaning against his.

"I love you," he repeated, giving you a light kiss.

"I love you." Another kiss

"I love you." Another one.

"I love you." The last one, slightly rougher than the rest. 

"How much, though?" her eyelids open a little, giving him a tired, but extremely seductive look, the one he lost himself in each time. 

"Hmm.. let me think," he chuckled, feeling the hotness mounting in himself from her look alone.

"If I could, I would take all of your pain away and replace it with the happiness you deserve. I would give you the whole world just to see you smile in my arms every day. I would give my life to make yours wonderful. I would sacrifice anything just so you can feel safe and loved. "

She whimpered at his words, eyes watering and insides rolling over. Her nails dug into his back again, hiding her flushed, red face in his shoulder.

"I would fight for you and protect you with my life, not allow anyone to hurt you ever again. I would fondle you in love and affection, from the moment you open your eyes till you close them," Heeseung breathed out, her scent intoxicating him.

"S-stop," she whinced in pleasure, eyes rolling back. The more he spoke, the closer she was to cumming, his words messing up her insides.

"You're my world, my life, my home, my reason to breathe every day. I want to take care of you and protect you, make you happy, and keep you warm every single time you feel cold or sad," his breathing shallowed as he spoke, feeling incredibly turned on by her reaction.

"E-enough," she pulled back, throwing her head back. He grabbed her wrists, not allowing her to escape his love.

"Never," he responded, pulling her back into his arms.

"I want to be with you all the time, I want to feel your body against mine, I want to make you feel loved, I want you to be mine and me to be yours until we die."

"S-shut u-up," she stuttered out, knowing she was minutes away from her orgasm.

"Why would I stop? " he asked, moving his thumb over her shoulder, circling and brushing her skin with the slight graze of a nail, leaving little marks on her skin.

He was also close to his climax, so he was more determined to finish the job than ever. His body tightened around her and his kissing became more profound and stronger.

"You need to hear the truth," he hissed in her ear, clasping her buttocks in his hands, pushing her onto his dick. 

"H-Heseung, I'm gonna-" she trembled, biting onto his shoulder to keep her loud moans in.

"Don't hold it in," his mouth ran along her shoulder and her arm, the marks getting darker with every kiss.

"Cum with me, please," she pleaded urgently as if her life mattered to it. 

"I will, don't worry," he kissed her cheek, caressing her head. 

Without another minute, her nails dug deeper, her pussy trapping his shaft in her fully. Her walls spasmed in a periodic pattern, sucking him in. Her clear cum glistened his shaft, wrapping him in its warmth and comfort. 

"Good girl," he whispered, his jaw twitching slightly. He wrapped both of his arms tighter and pulled her into a messy kiss.

His release followed up right after, managing to pull out just in time to cover her abdomen in his crystal white load. He panted as his fingers traced his cum on her stomach, spreading it all across her. 

His other hand gently laid her down, licking all of his mess off of her, the same way he did with her own. 

Perhaps it was the overstimulation he loved to observe on her or the fact that she clung to him more after cumming. Either way, he didn't stop rolling his wet tongue along her body. 

"My good girl," Heeseung whispered into her slick hole, pushing his tongue inside to slurp up all of her cum like it was a treat. 

Did he love her? Yes.

However, was he a bit of a sadist? Yes.

A low moan escaped his lips as he felt his mouth filled with her cum, his free hand gripping hers tightly. 

"H-hee."

He lifted his stare, landing on her adorable one, beseeching him to hug her. 

"You look so cute when you’re all tired like this, Y/N," he smirked, a faint peck landing on her cheek. His hand intertwined with her, the other playing with her hair. 

Sometimes, the amount of love he harvested for her managed to surprise him, finding himself falling apart in her touch and gaze. 

"H-hee," she whispered, closing her eyes. She tried to fight her exhaustion, but it was starting to get to her.

He saw how drowsy she looked, so he pulled her tighter to his body. 

"Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up," he kissed her, his voice very relaxed and comforting.

"You promise?" she murmured, half asleep on his chest. 

"I promise," he assured, kissing her forehead and tucking her against him, pressing her body against his.

His hands stayed on her side, keeping her safely in his warm embrace.

"Until the day I die."

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Taglist: @end-hyphen, @hee-pster, @jakeswifeyy, @gegeetime, @heerated, @jayked, @forjongseong, @enhastolemyheart

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! ^^

───────────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────────────────

@maggstar

#minors: dni #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen smut #heeseung smut #enhypen imagines #enhypen headcanons #enhypen drabbles

[kekaki-cupcakes]

Hiiii! I loved ur Hermes kid!

Could I ask for a male son of Dionysus x either Leo or nico?

Sorry if I got ya wrong and don’t feel pressured or anything!

Have a lovely day!

When there isn't a lot of info in an ask I kinda have to make the reader a personality so that it isn't too bland too read so sorry to y'all that aren't like this <3

Redecoration---Nico di Angelo x Son of Dionysus

»»————-　★　————-««

Nico had been glaring at the roof of skulls for a solid ten minutes, sort of hoping the hatred in his eyes would just poof them out of existence, when someone finally showed up. 

Apparently after an incident in the Aphrodite cabin, people weren’t allowed to just grab a bucket of paint and some new furniture to fuck around and find out, which was why Nico had been sent someone to help him fix the mess that was the Hades cabin.

Apart from the hundred skulls hot glue gunned to the rood, the beds were wooden coffins, the lamps were ancient looking chandeliers, and all of the walls were a dark ugly gray, like there was a serious mold problem. Now that he thought about it, the color might actually be a mold problem. 

“Never fear, goth! For I am here!” 

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Nico took a deep breath and turned around, obsidian eyes already narrowed with dislike as he took in the taller boy trotting over. He was holding a crate in his arms, filled with color swatches and chunks of fabrics, magazines sticking out of the top. 

“Excuse me?”

“You’re the one who needs redecorating, right?” The boy asked, already letting himself into the dim cabin that smelt of rich dark chocolate for some reason. “Yeah… no offense but we have to fix this, even if you're the wrong person.” 

Nico felt a sudden need to defend the atrocious carpet and bat shaped door knocker from this boy, who was wearing a maroon shirt picturing a glass of wine. “I was eight.” 

“No shame here, everyone makes bad decisions.”

There didn’t seem to be any point arguing with this boy, who had already dumped the box of supplies on one of the coffin bed lids, and was staring around at the dark cabin, hands on his hips. 

Nico just followed him inside, shoving his hands into the slightly ripped pockets of his aviator jacket. He peered into the cardboard box, which was promptly tipped out onto the ground. He watched with a frown as the son of Mr D sat on the carpet and began rifling through the empty notebooks and cut up magazines. “What are you doing?”

“Uh, scrapbooking? We can’t just start painting the walls yellow yet, you have to plan this stuff out, goth.” He said, as if it was obvious. Then he smirked. “You don’t like arts and crafts?”

Nico’s frown deepened, but he couldn’t let this mildly infuriating boy with surprisingly cool bracelets upstage him. “I love arts and crafts.”

“Whatever you say,” he hummed, and pulled out a leather bound book containing a few stickers and a strip of torn paper where a page had been pulled out. “Are you just gonna stand there in the corner and be grumpy?... That wasn’t sarcasm, you can if you want, I was just checking.”

Nico wasn’t an asshole, of course he was going to help. Still, he had to glare at the boy for that comment. Then he sat down and opened one of the magazines, which was featuring a life sized Barbie Dream House bed frame, fluffy pillows included. He flicked the page over with a grimace.

“So, what kinda vibe are we going for?”

“What?”

“I’m assuming you're sick of Dracula,” he said, waving his arms at the general doom and gloom around them. “So what aesthetic are we replacing it with?”

Nico didn’t want to admit he hadn’t planned this far into the venture, he’d really just been hoping he could repaint the walls, or maybe burn the whole thing down and start over. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Okay, well… I’m assuming you wanna keep it edgy, but seriously? A roof of skulls? You’re not a caveman. Maybe we should go with an Addams family style.” He shivered. “With less spiderwebs and disembodied hands. “ 

Ah, another gap in his modern education. “What’s an Addams family?” 

All Nico got in return was a gaping mouth and wide eyes. “How do you not- okay, I’m making you watch the entire timeline later, but for now we need to pick a color scheme.” 

Nico opened his mouth.

“Not black.”

Nico closed his mouth.

“Obviously there’ll be lots of black, but you need another color to fit with it, something dark and scary but colorful.” He pulled out a binder of color swatches, and flipped it open, skimming the pages of baby blues and lavenders. “Maybe dark green, or...”

“Red.” Nico said, peering over at the pages of ruby and scarlet. He pointed to the dark one, which had a little title below, ‘Blood red’. It was a little on brand, but it was better than ‘Crimson Tide’. 

“Oooh, nice. If we keep the walls black, and pull up the black carpet, there’ll be floorboards underneath.” He started to ramble, ripping a color swatch out of the binder and gluing it into the leather bound book. He glanced around at the musty cabin. 

“We can get a red rug for the middle of the cabin, and definitely new beds, but if we get Drew to refurbish the chandeliers they’ll look great. Oh, and the coffin bed frames could be a bookshelf if we get the mattress out and ask Nyssa to put some shelves in. Do you read? Because otherwise it’s sort of pointless. But so are the skulls on the roof, so…”

“You’re good at this.” 

It took Nico a moment to realize what he’d just blurted, and when he did the warmth was already in his cheeks. He’d only been a little caught up in watching the son of Dionysus’s eyes sparkle as he talked, pointing to different parts of the cabin, and somehow ruined it. “I mean, you just sound like you’ve, you know, done this a lot.”

The glimmer in their eye didn’t fade, they only grinned harder. “I have. A lot. It’s fun!”

“I suppose so,” Nico said, his lips twitching, and opened another magazine. He skipped a page on clawfoot bathtubs [There was already a white one with gold trim in the bathroom]. There was a large heart shaped mirror, He ignored that too, and found a simple bedframe, painted black. He held it out gingerly. “What about this one?”

“Yes! Good job.” He said, snipping it out of the magazine quickly, and sticking it next to a picture of a glass chandelier. “If you’ve got a simple bed, we could find a zebra print blanket, they always look good with black and red, as long as you don’t have, like, leopard print.”

“I thought you’d like leopard print?”

“And I thought you’d like skulls on your roof and coffin shaped beds,” he teased, with a smug little smile. Nico rolled his eyes, and picked out a strip of dark red fabric, passing it over.

He shook some glitter from his hands, there seemed to be piles of it in the box. “It’s a little over the top, but it’s not as bad as Jason’s cabin. It’s just rock. Everywhere. And a giant statue of his father.”

“Maybe he can be my next client,” he hummed, wiping glue from his fingers onto the molding carpet beneath them. A few shards of rounded glass were taped to the pages of the scrapbook, shining in the light of the dusty stained chandeliers. 

Nico wanted to object. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want the boy in front of him with glitter on his cheekbones and scissors in his hands to be cutting out pictures and teasing someone else. Instead he looked away, feeling something in his chest surge, something like fear. Fear of what, he didn’t know, but he cleared his throat and moved on.

“Don’t you have a sister too?”

The fear surged back forwards and Nico whipped around, his tone sharp. “What?”

“The roman one, I swear I saw her the other day, when Reyna visited to plan something or other.” he said casually, not seeing the pale tinge to Nico’s face. “With the overalls and the bulldog?”

“That’s Frank,” Nico said, his shoulder sinking with relief. 

“No, I’m pretty sure it was Hazel, she had those light up sketchers, with the little wheels on the bottom.” He said, somehow with a moon shaped sticker on his nose as he stuck little cut out paper skulls around the four page collage. 

“Frank’s the bulldog, he can turn into animals.” Nico had a strange urge to reach out and press the sticker on his nose, so instead he held his hands tightly in his lap. 

“Well, is there something Hazel’d like in the cabin when she visits? Does she read?” 

Nico sighed, and reached back for the magazine he discarded. He shook it open, cut outs of fluffy teddies falling into his lap. He found the page with the heart shaped bathroom mirror and ripped it out carefully. He could take a few hearts in his cabin if Hazel would like them. “This one.”

“Oh, that one's cute, Nyssa could totally make it.”

“I can ask Leo, he owes me a favor.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I haven't killed him yet.” 

                                  »»————-　★　————-««

Nico pressed down the front of his shirt. It was a black Camp Halfblood shirt, which he’d gotten from Piper after the Aphrodite cabin had started making shirts in other colors. Apparently there were only so many outfits you could wear with orange. 

Black goes with everything though, so it wasn’t a problem for him. 

He made his bed [closed the lid of the coffin] and dragged the last of the furniture not nailed to the ground out onto the little deck all of the cabins had. His decking only had a few pairs of shoes and a pot of dead roses he’d never bothered to keep alive. Maybe he’d have another go. 

Drew had taken the chandeliers already, to polish them and whatnot, so he only had to wait for his assigned son of Dionysus to show up, and they could start hunting for zebra print blankets and ripping skulls off the ceiling. What fun. 

When he still hadn’t shown up, Nico finished pulling all of the previously made bedding from the coffins and dumping it to the side so that Leo could turn it to a bookshelf [He could read, he just had dyslexia thank you very much], and then set off to the Dionysus cabin. It was easy to find, the only male god on the female side, with trelice’s of ivy decorating the whitewashed walls and a grumpy looking leopard snoozing on the purple swinging chair out the front of the small cabin.

He didn’t really want to knock, but he was sure someone would report him for standing around too menacingly if he just waited. He was saved from indecision when the door opened, revealing a tall sandy haired boy.

“You’re the goth, aren’t you?” Pollux sniffed, his nose red. “We can’t help today, but Butch is free, he can do some heavy lifting, and I’m sure Drew’ll criticize your style if you ask nicely enough.” 

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“I mean,” Pollux started, rubbing his eyes, and Nico only then realized he was still wearing his pajamas. They had an elongated cartoon owl sticking out of a doorway on it. “Skulls on the ceiling is a bit much, and everyone think you’re a vamp-”

“I meant with you guys, not my style,” Nico interrupted, his eyes narrowed.”

“Someone, decided to go visit Lou Ellen even though we all know she has a cold, and now I have it-” Pollux was cut off once again, his mockingly loud voice reaching the people inside. 

“I’m sorry I was concerned for my friend, she wanted soup!”

“She always wants soup!” Pollulx yelled back, and Nico moved past the older child of Dionysus, slipping off his shoes and letting himself into the cabin. 

There was nasally muttering behind him and the door slid shut. Nico peered around, and saw a bundle of fluffy blankets on a couch, only a sneezing head poking out the top. “Why did you get sick?”

“I mean it wasn’t really on purpose,” he mumbled back, wiping his nose with a tissue and sinking back into his cocoon. “I can’t help today, but-”

“I don’t care,” Nico started, and plopped down on the white couch, avoiding a deep red stain that could be alcohol or blood. He couldn’t tell. He also didn’t know how to say he’d rather sleep in the coffin again then have to spend the day with someone else. 

He sniffed, falling sideways a little on the couch and squinting at the square tv, which was showing some old cartoon about cavemen. “Mkay, well you should probably go if you don’t wanna get sick.”

Nico thought for a moment, trying not to focus on how much he wanted to scoop up the bundle of blankets in his arms far too skinny for that sort of stuff. “Why don’t we watch ‘an Adam family’?

He got watery wide eyes in return and a toothy grin, “wait really?”

“No. If I was making a joke it’d be funnier than that.”

“Okay, let’s watch it,” he said, hopping off the couch and moving to a box of DVDs with a lot of energy for someone so sick. “And it’s the Addams family, goth. You have to learn the basics of this culture if you’re gonna have coffin bookshelves.”

He fiddled around with the tv and then a grainy black and white intro came on, tinny music over the top. Nico watched as he danced to the theme tune in his blanket burrito, all the way back to the couch, where he landed, coughing and winded. Nico raised an eyebrow. “I could’ve done that, you’re sick.”

“Yeah yeah whatever,” he mumbled, tucking the fluffy socks on his feet up onto the white couch and wiggling with excitement. Nico watched him for a moment, and then turned back to the TV, feeling his lips twitch into a grin.

Duh duh duh duh, click click. Duh duh duh duh, click click.

Their creepy and they're kooky-

                                      »»————-　★　————-««

“Neeks, this mirror is so cute!”

“You’re welcome,” Nico muttered, rubbing his nose and rolling over, pulling the zebra print doona cover further over his head. 

He heard Hazel’s wheelie shoes click along the floorboards and she gilded out of the bathroom. When he peered out, her hair was in bunchies and she was pulling a purple hoodie over her head. “It’s so much nicer in here now, but how did you get sick redecorating?”

“Uhm..There was a lot of dust. I might be allergic?” 

The door slammed open, the clear chandelier hanging from the roof shaking as Nyssa trudged in, her work boots leaving mud on the fluffy blood red rug. She was holding the glitter covered scrapbook in her gloved hands. 

“So, I know I’m supposed to make everything in this, but what am I supposed to do with the polaroid of you kissing Mr D ‘s kid?”

                       »»————-　★　————-««

#pjo fandom #pjo #heroes of olympus #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #nico di angelo #nico #nico pjo #nico di angelo x reader #nico di angelo x you #nico di angelo x son of dionysus #hazel levesque #Pollux pjo #Hades #Hades cabin #death siblings

[roguishcat]

Conversations with a vampire - part 4/10

Summary: A story told through a series of conversations between Astarion and child Tav, tracing the slow and steady progress of trust and friendship.

Humor/Friendship/Angst

Rating: Teen. Mild language, mentions of abuse in later chapters, some violence.

Setting: Set before the events of the game.

There was a chill in the air and evenings were turning colder, seasons changing with slow grace, first leaves falling and scattering on the ground in a multitude of colors. Astarion started wearing his doublet more, his usual shirt being too light for this time of the year. That is, it would be if he could feel the cold. He supposed that was one of the few perks of his current state.

Tav was autumn personified, wearing an ankle-length coat in shades of bright amber with a brown fur collar which she left unbuttoned, revealing a shirt and trouser ensemble of a lighter shade that matched her leather boots. Her hair was in a low braid with shimmering golden threads woven along the tresses.

“You know, it’s the first time I see you wearing something other than that frilly shirt,” she commented, throwing a pretty sparkly ring into the air, and snatching it quickly before the trinket hit the ground. “You look nice.”

“Well thank you, not that your opinion was wanted or needed,” Astarion rolled his eyes. He didn’t need Tav to know he looked good, though he didn’t mind being admired by all. The doublet was beautiful, although the golden embroidery was a pain to look after. Not all his conquest were gentle when handling him and his clothes had a fair share of wear and tear. He took care of the little he had meticulously and carefully, as Cazador did not see it fit to give the spawn any more than bare minimum.

Yet, flattery would really get people everywhere and his mood was decidedly better now than it was before he set out for the night. Thus, assured of his good looks, Astarion strolled down the street with unhurried steps, keen eyes observing those he passed by. They passed the potion shop and were nearing Wyrm’s Rock. There were more people around for this time of night and not the usual crowd too. Families, children, young couples, their excitement for the fireworks display in celebration of the grand re-opening of Felogyr's Fireworks so palpable he could almost taste it.

“I just don’t understand why you don’t just come and work in Sharess’ Caress, with your looks you could make tons, tons!” she gesticulated wildly in her excitement to show just how astronomical his earnings would be. “And then you could have everything you wish to have, which whoever it is that you work for doesn’t provide. Mamzell Amira is not exactly nice, but she treats everyone well enough, better than you get treated clearly. I am sure-”

“I don’t need your advice. Or your pity,” he spat, cutting Tav off sharply. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Find another charity case if that’s what you are after.”

Tav frowned but did not flinch or move away. She was used to adults having little patience when dealing with her, perhaps understandably. She did go on and on sometimes. Besides, she had her suspicions about Astarion for a while now, and she knew the defeated look of a person who had no power to make their own choices and hated it. It was useless to pry, for now.

“Sorry, that was wrong of me to say that. It wasn’t meant to be pity. I really do say the dumbest things, don’t I?”

Astarion sighed, a little annoyed at himself for this display of emotion. Yes, she was an insensitive, intrusive little idiot, but she did it out of some feeling of misplaced kindness. And whilst he did not necessarily need her kindness, it was quite refreshing to talk to someone who wanted to converse just for the sake of it.

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped,” he brushed his fingers through his silver curls, “your atrocious lack of manners is especially obvious today, that’s all. You should really work on that.”

“Maybe. But at least I’m trying. Wouldn’t hurt you to be nicer, you know. Once in a while,” Tav said petulantly.

“And it wouldn’t hurt me to be less nice, so your point is moot,” he countered.

“Oooh, someone is in a bad mood. Fine, I’ll shut up,” she huffed and turned away, seemingly determined to show that she was upset.

That lasted for a grand total of two minutes before Tav started fidgeting and shooting furtive looks his way.

“Want me to do your nails then? It is party tonight, after all. I have everything with me. Polishes and all,” she asked hopefully.

Apparently, it was physically impossible for the girl to be quiet.

“No.”

“Aw, come on!” she whined in a most aggravating way. “You have beautiful hands! Like the bard with the lyre that played at Sharess’ the other night.”

“Well, I do know which strings to pluck to make everyone sing for me.”

The innuendo went completely over her head.

“So, is that a yes on the nails?”

“Still no.”

She pouted but did not insist anymore.

“The human delivery boy who brings the groceries to Sharess’ Caress asked me to go watch the fireworks with him tonight.”

“Oh?” He looked at her with his eyebrows raised. “Sounds like somebody’s got a date.”

“Eww, gross” Tav scrunched her nose at the suggestion. “He is a year older, but so juvenile for thirteen,” she said, clearly unimpressed with whatever the boy did to try to get her attention.

“Because clearly you are a picture of wisdom and maturity,” Astarion quipped.

“Well, maybe not,” she agreed, “but kids my age are boring. They see one gash on my leg, perhaps bleeding too much and maybe there was a bit of bone sticking out, I admit, and just faint! Wimps,” she scoffed haughtily.

“Not everyone has the devil-may-care attitude you do, it seems.”

“Exactly! And why would I want to hang out with someone bland and boring like that? They won’t be able to keep up.”

“Which is probably a good thing for them, as they clearly have a sense of self-preservation, and you don’t.”

“Whatever,” she smiled, apparently choosing to take his comment as a compliment. Tav flicked her hair over her shoulder, the golden threads making her blonde hair twinkle as if lit up my magic. “Besides, the fireworks are going to be down by the river, not far from Felogyr's Fireworks. I wouldn’t be able to go even if I wanted to.”

Ah, yes. There was the ever-present issue of her having to traverse these streets over and over again without being able to explore the rest of the city.

“You are not missing out on that much, fireworks are frightfully dull, overrated really,” Astarion said with a longsuffering sigh, as if going to a party was such a chore.

“Yeah, baby stuff,” she looked up, catching on quickly.

“Quite so.”

Her lips quirked into a smile. It was a ghost of her usual enthusiastic grin, but better than nothing.

“Ya know,” Tav looked down, suddenly finding the cobblestones worthy of her attention, “I decided I’m going to marry you when I’m older,” she said in a nonchalant manner.

“Are you now?” he snorted in amusement. “And I suppose you didn’t think to ask my opinion on the matter?”

“Just you wait, I’m going to grow up to be strikingly beautiful. Well, maybe not as beautiful as you”, she sighed, accepting that as a fact of life, “but close enough! And I’m going to save you from your master, because he clearly does not treat you as well as he should, and you will fall hopelessly in love with me!”

“Didn’t you say that this isn’t what you really look like? You might be quite a bland thing. Terrible warts on your nose. Missing teeth, bad breath.”

“Stop it, don’t be horrid!” she laughed. “You are just saying that to be mean.”

He was needling her on purpose, that was true. But Tav could take a joke and wasn’t fishing for praise. It was a nice change of pace when he didn’t have to needlessly stroke someone’s ego and come up with artful, empty compliments. Words were usually just another arrow in his quiver, a tool used for seduction to ensure his survival. It was pleasant to talk to someone just for the sake of it.

“Well, even if I am beastly and ugly, and you will not want to marry me, I hope we can still be friends even many years from now. And I am going to set you free no matter what.”

Set him free, she said. And who was going to set her free before that? Because no matter how negligent her family was, she was being educated, provided for, dressed in the best of the best. One did not just do that out of the goodness of their heart. There had to a purpose for whatever this was.

“Well, that sounds like a plan,” he rolled his eyes. “It may be missing the how and when you are going to best Cazador-”

Fuck. He didn’t mean to say his name. The less she knew about him, the better.

“Don’t make fun of me! I may be measly twelve now, but in a few years, I will be old enough to decide my own destiny. One day, I will do something great, really great, and it will change everything.”

“If you say so,” he allowed, relieved that she did not latch onto the name and start asking questions.

The fireworks display started abruptly, painting the sky a myriad of colours. It was obtrusively bright and showy, but seeing all this in his world where colours were muted and dull had a certain appeal.

“Right, whilst you idle away the hours, some of us have things to do, places to be,” he walked off, moving with the crowds that started making their way towards the Lower City.

“Okay,” she ran up to Astarion to hand him a potion, upholding her end of the bargain as usual, “hope your hunt goes well!”

Hunt. Yes, that is exactly what he was doing. And the crowd tonight seemed so ready for the picking, oohing and aahing at the beauty above them, drunk on their excitement and cheap beer. It was almost too easy to engage one, two, three victims in quick succession. Pluck them like ripe fruit, ready to be devoured.

The other spawn quickly caught on to where his hunting grounds were for the night, and he started glimpsing them here and there. Dalyria grasping a tiefling’s chin and bringing his lips closer to her own to whisper something seductively, him following her completely enthralled by whatever she was saying. Petras loudly propositioning a human pair, them laughing and calling him daft, which was obviously not the effect he was going for. Astarion scoffed. Petras was terrible at being suave, he lacked the finesse, the ability to improvise on the spot.

At one point, Astarion had a niggling suspicion at the back of his mind that Tav was watching him from the rooftops, he thought he saw her once or twice. But, when he crossed the bridge yet again and noticed her up on the roof of the potion shop, she was looking at a human family with a wistful expression, the child holding his father’s hand and gesticulating animatedly, clearly excited about being out and about after dark. The mother crouched beside the boy and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, eliciting delighted giggles. Tav scowled and quickly turned, walking away from the edge of the roof and then bleeding into the shadows.

A child without a name, without a family, and without any history.  Astarion supposed that she had little in common with children that sought her company, who had the luxury of enjoying the care and love of their parents, or at least were free to come and go as they pleased on a whim.  

She was a specter that haunted the streets of the city she could never properly explore. It was little surprise that she identified with him on some level. He was a creature who was a ghost of his former self, who was compelled to act as he was bid. A former elf without a past, a vampire spawn without a future.

@ninty900 @dajeong @ayselluna

#astarion tav fanfiction #fanfic #astarion #bg3 #bg3 tav #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate 3 #astarion fanfiction #baldur's gate fanfiction

[bluesylveon2]

vil and prompt 33?

Hi! Sorry for the long wait. It's probably not my best work but I tried. I hope that you enjoy the fic!

Prompt: 33.  you’re a nobody actor who comes in for a chemistry read for the part of my love interest but we end up arguing instead of reading [maybe I like that about you and demand for you to be hired or maybe I’m annoyed that you spoke to me like that so I say that I don’t want to work with you and they hire you anyway]

Note: Modern au and enemies to friends (not lovers yet)

Word Count: 857

Warnings: not beta read, possible OOC characters (Vil is mean for 90% of this), and possibly inaccurate theater knowledge (I watched Tiktoks on it)

"Rook, I have a dinner to attend in less than three hours. Where is this magnifique girl you keep talking about?

Rook sighed as he checked his phone for anything. I apologize, Roi du Poison, but she is on her way. I promise you, she is definitely the one for this role."

Vil rolled his eyes as he touched up his lipstick. "Her talent better make up for her lack of time management."

BANG

The door swung open, revealing a disheveled girl wearing the most atrocious color combination Vil had ever seen, trying to catch her breath. Vil sneered while eyeing her messy appearance. This was so the so-called upcoming star Rook kept babbling about? The one who supposedly matched him? Vil could not hide his disapproved stare as Rook approached the newcomer with a hug. 

"Ah, welcome, Madame Trickster! I'm happy that you made it safely."

The woman smiled and hugged Rook back. "It's good to see you." Her eyes looked over Rook's shoulder and landed on Vil's. "Oh my gosh! You're Vil Schoenheit!" She released Rook and ran up to Vil, who now had a neutral expression, and raised a hand to him. "I'm Yuu. I'm such a big fan of your work! It has inspired me so much to start acting!" She smiled, and Vil saw a golden aura coming off her. 

Vil stared at Yuu's hand before reluctantly shaking it. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you." He turned to the beaming Rook with a haughty look. "Tell me exactly how you know this potato?"

Yuu's mouth opened in shock. The aura broke like glass, and she felt a vein popping on her forehead, "Potato?! I have a name!"

"I watched one of her performances as a minor character in a short film. Her acting was magnifique! A 10/10 performance!"

"I see. Well, I hope your acting is better than your fashion sense. That needs some work." Vil muttered to himself, but it did not go unnoticed.

"What did you say?" Yuu gritted while marching up to Vil.

Vil crossed his arms. "I commented on your looks, Potato. That's all."

Yuu saw red. "THAT'S ALL? THAT IS NOT ALL OF IT, MISTER! I have seen how you looked at me since I entered, and I don't like your attitude towards me."

Vil scoffed. "Your inelegance will not be enough to stand next to me. It would help if you worked on it more to do that, or else you will look like a speck of dirt on my shiny crown. In fact, if you want my approval, then prove to me your worth."

Yuu felt a fire growing inside of her. She stared at him like he was crazy. "I do not need your approval for anything! I KNOW I am worthy enough to even be in the same room as you because SOMEONE-" Yuu pointed at Rook for emphasis, "-saw my worth, unlike you. I can't believe I actually looked up to you when you are nothing but a spoiled, bitchy, prick!" She pointed the finger at his chest during the last part. 

Vil narrowed his eyes while staring at the fire in Yuu's. "What did you say, potato?"

"I said. Fuck. You." Yuu immediately walked off, causing Rook and Vil to stare at her in shock. 

"Where are you going?" Vill called out as Yuu opened the door.

"Anyware away from you." With a final middle finger in Vil's direction, Yuu was gone. 

Violet eyes stared at where Yuu once was in silence. Vil felt the weight of his words crash on his shoulders after she left. He was used to people fawning over him, giving him gifts, or singing his praises. He had never met someone who talked back at him like that or called him names. Each word felt like a stab to his chest like he was the fair princess who got stabbed by the huntsman. 

"Maybe I was too harsh on her…." Vil whispered to himself, a guilty look on his face.

"Did you say something, Roi du Poison?"

Vil sighed, "No, I was just talking to myself. I will go to my dressing room and sit down for a moment."

---

A week later

Ring Ring

"Call from Rook Hunt."

"Answer it, Mira, and put it on speaker," Vil said while applying the nail polish coat. "This is Vil."

"Ah Roi du Poison! I wanted to share with you some good news!"

"What is it?"

Vil could practically hear the excitement coming from Rook's end. "I finally cast your love interest!"

This piqued Vil's interest, "Who did you choose?"

"Madame Trickster!"

If Vil was drinking something, then he would have choked right now. "YUU?"

"Oui! The chemistry was right there! Perfect for my movie! The banter, the passion, the love! It was all there!"

Vil's eyes went wide like saucers. "What?! Are you sure?"

Rook nodded, and his grin only grew brighter, "Oui! Oui! It was perfect! Just as I envisioned! It is perfect for enemies to lovers!"

Vil sighed as he set the brush down. "Rook, I need to ask you something."

“Oui. What is it?”

“Give me Yuu’s number. I need to apologize to her.”

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland and its characters. Those belong to Aniplex, Walt Disney Japan, and Yana Toboso.

©: This story belongs to bluesylveon2 2020-23. DO NOT modify, republish, or plagiarize my work.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twst x yuu #vil schoenheit x reader #vil x reader #vil schoenheit x yuu #thank you for the ask! #bluesylveon 500 follower event

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Heads up for the folks who cook..

Waymo The God is an an anti-Black man who hates and disparaged Black women on social media for years. His misogynoir is atrocious (and he is a lawyer. Imagine being a Black woman represented by him). He just recently rebranded himself as Chef Way, and many Black women found out and pulled up his old tweets and dragged him for filth all over. He turned off his TikTok comments etc so people wouldn’t find out, (but Twitter remembers, lol).  Some say his fiance (an Asian woman..lol of course! Such a cliche preference for dudes like this) is helping to delete negatve comments from people making others aware of his hatred for Black women.

He made a weak ass apology tweet on Twitter claiming that he is cured from his colorism and aggressive hatred of Black women. He only wrote that after folks drilled his ass.

If you love to cook culinary Black foods, do not support this man. Do not buy any products, books, or support any companies or high profile chefs who may partner with him.

Black people everywhere should no longer support individuals who hate, demean, and spread toxic bile publicly about Black women and think they can turn around and use our recipes to get rich. They can no longer profit on our backs.

You can go on Twitter to read his old tweets that people saved. He tried deleting his old comments (as one usually does when they are foul!) but folks are tired of the hateful disrespect. This man is vile. I saw some tweets where even his Mama came online claiming that’s not how he was raised at home with two parents present. But we know how that doesn’t mean much once people get out in the streets and away from Mommy and Daddy.

2023 is the year of yoking people up who are against Black women. Doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman doing it. Shit ain’t cute. I don’t know how this dude thought he was going to market himself when Black women make up a huge audience of the culinary game.

Anyhoo, long-winded, but wanted folks who follow me to know. You see anything by him, please don’t support it if you love yourself and Black women. I don’t have the energy to suggest a redemptive arc for him like I would’ve done years ago to give people grace to change , but now, I don’t care if his cooking bag is stopped. You can’t market yourself to people you hate and think you’ll thrive.

#chef way #antii blackness #misogynoir #colorism #cooking #waymo the god

[hoshigaki]

ok now I have to know the itachi hc's. tell me about his sad n gay youth

like many intelligent and correct people have said before me: itachi is autistic. the one track focus of following the rules because that was his one and only positive reinforcement as well as his inability to keep up with being a "bad guy" because the performance exhausts him. the kid is autism central. he doesnt see himself as being different or an outlier but he doesnt know that 12 year olds arent supposed to be this strict or oblivious about the world as he was.

itachi followed his mom's skincare routine one time at 10 years old because he wanted to mirror her and he still performs that same routine with the same exact materials up until the morning he dies

i think little itachi attached himself to anyone who was nice to him and treated him like another kid, which is why he liked hanging out with older kids who were smarter and more skilled than him, and that came especially in the form shisui who was bright and playful and actually tried teaching itachi how to enjoy life as a shinobi

so aside from being autistic, gay, gender transcended, and emo i genuinely like the idea of itachi being color blind. this plays into the fact that he thinks hes normal wearing black and grey, ie following the orders of social normality, and everyone else is playing in his world as well and he cant conceptualize that his perspective is literally different from others around him. being color blind also excuses why his official fancy outfits are always wildly atrocious yet hes so pretty he pulls it off. this infuriates deidara mostly.

it took itachi like 4 years to realize that orochimaru was preying on him for more than just his skin because itachi didnt know what sex was until he hit 18

i think itachi does know that hes gay and that its something his dad would disapprove of so he thinks oh okay i will simply forget that i am this until the time is relevant to remember and at 18 he unlocks all the memories of crushing on boys and he takes a day to cringe at himself

in a modern au itachi would be on trad wife tiktok just because he saved too many recipe videos and comments on homesteading videos asking about the farm animals

#itachi uchiha #itachi #mine

[mansnovembris]

Third BF package came in today (one more left!). Thankfully, this post person rang the bell so I was able to run out and get it.

OwOToyz delivery! The whole gang together (the 2 on the left, Bastion *now Bump* and Quartz, were purchased about a year ago.)

First and foremost... I keep my dongles in cotton bags, so the lint situation is atrocious. My bad. I am not a professional dong photographer. That being said...

Zeke is so cute! ahhhhhh, my heart!!! so simple, but something about the design is just...

The one thing I did notice is that their galaxy color is a lot darker than it used to be. This is the color I was originally hoping for with the first 2 I got, which to me is more of a deep, dark purple and a little opaque. it's giving me the itch to go ahead and replace the older ones. (Tbh, Quartz is fine, even though I'd probably prefer it a little softer, it's still a great toy in medium. Bump, however, being super textured, at medium, is almost painful and has only recently become available in extra soft.).

Probably not gonna happen, though. I'm already having difficulty selling one toy and I just don't feel right purchasing another without getting rid of the first. And even though I love a deep, dark black, the purple is dark enough to not make me question it and I like the slight opaqueness that's hard to pick up in camera.

And lastly, Valor. I wanted to do a pink fade to galaxy, having no idea that those 2 colors would be very difficult to have fade together. 😂. The shop, bless them, did about 4 tries and had me pick which one I liked more. I believe this is the first one they did and I liked it right away. the others weren't too bad, but this one just seemed to fit the model better. The color melt around the knot is nice. I don't even mind a marble fade.

btw, they DO a wonderful seamless fade on their pastel colors, of which there are 5 to choose from!

A pink, white, green fade on a Zeke. So stinking cute, honestly. I wish I was more into pastel colors, but I'm drawn to the darker ones.

Super happy with this buy! One more to go. decided to not post the first toy I got because ...mmmmmm I think I feel somewhat bad after realizing someone requested it and I got it (granted, i didnt know until they made a comment/post after) but yeah... hopefully the shop does another pour for them, or they were able to get it as a custom. 😬

#dongblr #adult fantasy toys #indietc #osha violation #monster fucker #alien fucker #silicone toys #OwOToyz #spicy silicone

[roboticnebula]

Trick or treat!

You get a… trick?

This is a snippet from a fic concept I’m exploring but still hesitant to actually write! It started out as a silly ‘Barry and Jay are in a passive-aggressive argument and Alan and Hal do not understand how is it the speedsters are fighting instead of them’. And then it got... sad.

Background AlanJay and Halbarry.

Jay is aware he and Barry are arguing over two barely distinguishable shades of beige paint for the guest room, but their fight isn’t really about the paint color anyways. Alan and Hal made themselves scarce a few hours ago, the moment Jay commented he didn’t want his guest room to be the same shade as Barry’s sweater vests, and Barry immediately retorted it was a good thing Jay wouldn’t actually be the one sleeping in the room then.

This was after a long debate over paint swatches, where both Alan and Hal’s inputs that the room should have a nice non-beige color, had gone entirely unheard. The lanterns had realized they were standing in the blast zone and been unwilling to risk becoming collateral damage. Jay is glad to see that after all these long years with them, the GLs are finally starting to be smart about the whole fearless thing.  

It’s a good thing they left when they did too, because paint started flying quickly after. The walls of the guest room are absolutely atrocious right now, randomly sploshed with paint and primer, a whole gallon wasted and spilled all over the floor, but Barry and Jay have retreated to the kitchen to wash up and calm down. Jay is leaning against the counter, waiting for the water to boil for his tea. He’s got paint in his hair, but hasn’t bothered to try and get it off, only rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands. Barry is very quiet as he scrubs his arms and forehead free of the paint, his annoyance is palpable in the air, and Jay doesn’t know why he’s so irritated when he insisted on helping out with repainting the room.

Barry won’t leave him alone these days, it’s annoying.

“Did you go get that extra gallon from the garage, yet?” Jay asks him, gruffly.

Something flashes in Barry’s eyes: sad, scared, quickly buried, and Jay realises it’s not the first time he’s asked.

“Yes,” says Barry.

For the first time all day, his tone is light and neutral, instead of passive aggressive, and the patience behind it annoys Jay even more, a flush of rage crawling up his throat. The phone is deadly quiet on the countertop between them, and Jay vacillates between grateful and irritated that Barry is handling him with kid gloves.

They both know what diagnostic is coming: it’s why Jay hasn’t actually kicked Barry out of his house yet, even if he’s still mad at him for confronting him about this and convincing him to go get tested. Jay didn’t want to be alone when he got the call. Jay didn’t want to get the call at all, doesn’t want to have to break the news to Alan and have Barry, Wally, Bart and the others worry. He wants to stay in denial, wants more time. At 90, Jay hasn’t been bitter about slowing down until this very moment: when it gives his own damned mind the chance to fall apart at the seams.

Barry is saying something about the quality of the wall primer when he’s interrupted by the shrill ringtone of the phone. They both fall quiet and stare at it, their fight entirely forgotten. Barry practically falls in the seat in front of Jay, but doesn’t press: they’re both stretching the seconds of this moment, remain on the cusp of change before it becomes irreversible.    

Jay’s first instinct is to run the phone to the Atlantic Ocean and chuck it, but he focuses on Barry and catches his own reflection in the oven door behind him. They both look ridiculous, the first two Flashes, covered in paint, and childishly arguing. He laughs, slightly hysterical, but also absolutely delighted. He looks at Barry and thinks: this man is my legacy, I would not choose any other and it gives him the courage he needs. He stays standing up, picks up the phone and places it down on speaker between them.

“Mr. Garrick, this is Dr. Brady. I have your test results in front of me and I’m sorry but I have some bad news.”

---

The idea would be to explore speedster physiology as they age/effects of the speed force long term/what that healing factor can handle, but also how chosen family can rally around you when you’re dealing with something like Alzheimer.

Apart from some stray notes and drafts, this snippet is all I have to show for it for now.

Thank you for the ask, I hope you enjoyed! Happy Halloween!

#the flash #barry allen #jay garrick #halbarry #alanjay #trick or treat ask #my writing #my fics #flash greenade #alzheimers tw

[kibasniper111]

i think i'll also use this blog as just a place to put down some headcanons or ideas because i just finished reading the final chapter of higu meguri, and boy, oh, boy, and i mad at how it just gutted itself and need to distract myself. (don't read it. just don't. it takes everything that was interesting from the anime and makes it ten morbillion times worse.)

so, before i was shadowbanned, i had an ask from around summer '22 asking for some camper headcanons! and i had a massive google doc for it, but i never ended up finishing it because of life stuff, so to not let it go to waste, here's a handful of them below the cut! it goes through each camper who i had written up to at that point, and i haven't touched the doc since spring '23 because of, you guessed it, life stuff.

well, hope you guys enjoy because i need to get my mind off this atrocious ending lol. i'm copying and pasting which ones stand out to me, and this might get a bit long. for context, i do consider key aspects from campster as part my personal headcanons such as the ranking system, comments the kids make to each other or about themselves, listed likes/favorite media, etc! campster might be considered non-canon, but it holds a wealth of knowledge about the kids that the game can't touch on, like benny's love of musicals and elka's entire family history! (please excuse any spelling mistakes - this is already long enough lol)

Benny

Although he is a Tender Brain, Benny doesn’t mind being one of the weaker psychics, so long as he’s safe. While he is concerned that makes him a target, especially when Maloof gains power with Mikhail, he’s more content to hide behind others or immediately latch on to the person with power (even if it means struggling to canoe himself to Thorney Towers to beg the coach for a job offer and coming back in shame when it doesn’t happen). 

He focuses so heavily on Bobby because Bobby is like a bodyguard. Benny is able to bully and demean others for the fun of it because he has Bobby’s protection (despite Bobby’s exasperation with his flunky’s excessive behavior).

But he isn’t exactly friends with Bobby. He clings to Bobby because Bobby is, at one point, the person with the most power. Bobby is brash and bold, and Benny enjoys his cruelty because it provides him the opportunity to mock the weaker kids. He’s quick to express his annoyance when Bobby begins showing an interest in Chloe, a kid who provided a genuine interest in Bobby, even if based on a misconception. If Bobby is away, then he has to find someone new to suck up to stay safe, hence why he’s sitting between Maloof and Mikhail at the end - they made him an offer he couldn’t refuse when he found himself isolated.

He’s very much a scared kid. He hates being alone. I like to think he found comfort in the extravagant world of musical theater. Not because his parents are neglectful - his parents are perfectly fine and provide for him and love him - but because musicals show this beautiful side of the world. Dancing, singing, colorful costumes, romance, and drama, it’s the likes of which that draw him in. He tries to write his own scripts as a kid, refining them as he gets older.

Benny grows up to be the Media Relations Officer for the Psychonauts. Although still a pretty weak psychic, he’s got a good head on his shoulders. He’s very persuasive and able to get in a good word about psychics in various types of media such as television and movies - though, he does try to squeak his own script edits in order to get credited, and it’s worked quite a few times! He’s dined with celebrities and socialites, and he wouldn’t change it for the world. Champagne is on him! Now, listen to him talk for two hours about his latest idea for a musical. He’ll be in the director’s chair one day! You can’t leave, of course, it’s just plain courteous to stay!

Although his lyrics could use work as a kid, he becomes a very skilled pianist. He found it a great hobby when he was growing up, and his mom enrolled him in after-school lessons. He prefers upbeat, high-energy songs, but he can appreciate a good melancholy vibe.

He is THE biggest Gloria Von Gouton fan. If Raz had mentioned he met her, Benny would have caught him by the shoulders and seethed, “You met Ms. Von Gouton, and you didn’t think to mention that first?” Raz would’ve been dumbfounded but replied, “Uh, yeah? She threatened me with her trophy.” “And you deserved it!” Benny would scream. Instead of fleeing to join Oleander, he would have jumped in a canoe and row all the way over there to get her autograph AND tell her that her critics were WRONG.

Bobby (content warning for child abuse and child neglect)

Drywell is a total dump. It’s not even on a map. It’s an area where no one should really live, and yet, this is Bobby’s home. Cruel people, hardly sustainable, trash everywhere. He’s learned how to protect himself by trying to be the toughest in this environment, but in the end, he’s the one burned. There’s no one in Drywell who respects him, making him the perfect target for other bullies and horrible kids. He’s the circus freak here. It’s also an area plagued with social issues. 

He’s been in and out of foster care and his mother’s care. No one seems to want him around, and he grows more violent because he’s miserable, and if he’s miserable, everyone else should be. He wants to laugh at their pain and ignore his own. It’s a terrible coping skill, one which he relishes at camp.

Neglect from his mother has caused significant dental erosion, no haircuts, poor clothing, malnutrition, poor eating habits/not having enough to eat etc. Neglect from his foster families has left him jaded. There are too many people who came into his life with the name “Dad,” and almost just as many with the name “Mom,” but they’ve all since blurred together.

He was friends with Lili for a time when she first came to camp. He thought she was really cool, and he liked making her laugh, but they’d grown apart after an incident with Sasha’s training.

Chloe shows a genuine interest in him, even if it’s based on the misconception that his appearance stems from an alien heritage. He’s never had someone show such kindness to him, although it’s based on a firm agreement that she will be his friend so long as he stops hurting kids. This does work because he really begins to care for Chloe and manage his temper. In return, she grows fond of him because Bobby truly believes she’s an alien and listens to her. He even starts making up information about his life as an ambassador from Fath 703 because he sees how happy it makes her. They have fun together talking about space, working together in class, and he helps drawing her star maps because he’s a really good artist! (The artist headcanon stems from a discussion in the Psychowhatsis discord btw!)

He tends to cling to her. Trauma victims may latch onto someone who they believe is important in their lives. For Bobby, this is Chloe. Despite the short span of time they’ve known each other, she’s become an integral figure. He doesn’t want to lose her friendship, so he walks on eggshells around her. His jealousy and anger issues do exasperate Chloe, but he does try curbing them like when Raz punches him, he doesn’t punch back, sighs, and says he’ll kill Raz later. If she thinks he can be a better person, he really wants to try for her because she’s his best friend.

When he and Chloe are both Psychonauts, they go on missions together! Lots of fun times to be had there. They work closely on experiments with Bobby being more of an all-around agent and Chloe specializing in science, astrophysics, etc. Sometimes, he’s her guinea pig for whatever she’s cooking and occasionally lands in the ER because of it. She is so very sorry for messing up the cloning process with him a la The Fly, and he didn’t talk to her for days.

While he is also a solo field agent, mostly working undercover in the psychic underbelly of society, he really likes working with teens who were in the same boat as him. He knows exactly what it’s like to feel like it’s the end of the world, so he wants to use his position as a way to lift up those hopeless teens.

He noogied Chloe the millisecond he saw that she finally joined the intern program. An omg bestie moment.

He loves football. He’s the type who will stand in the doorway and watch if his team is losing. “Chloe, did the Raiders do it?” “Unfortunately, they didn’t make the touchdown.” (He screams.) “We have neighbors please stop yelling.” “Sorry.”

That video where the two guys are shocked when the girl takes off her fake eyelashes are him, Benny, and Chloe. “Do they hurt??” he asks, and she’s laughing.

oh fuck uhhh bobbyraz uhhhh he has internalized homophobia, but mostly deals with it, and when he's an adult, he finally comes out of the closet. too bad kitty is trying to shove him back in but raz has already grabbed his hand to welcome him to the bi boys club, and now they're doing the magnet post and kitty hates it because that's for gay girls only!!!!! (i'm /j but also /srs but also /j)

and MIRTALA that's her boo-boo right there. her metamour. they're both dating chloe, so they have metamour outings like sneaking into the movies lol.

Chloe

Specifically, Chloe believes she’s from Cygnus A, a radio galaxy. It’s why she’s using the coach’s radio in hopes of reaching her people. She refers to herself as a Cygnan and created her own language (believing the words, letters, etc, came from her people). She’s taught it to a few other people, but Bobby is the one who memorized everything. This also becomes a great secret way for them to communicate at camp for privacy or on missions. (When they argue, they sound like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZdwSugMuO4) (also adding mirtala to this in general because chloetala realness etc etc)

Chloe’s parents really do love her. While they are sometimes hurt that Chloe rejects them, citing that they’re not her “real” parents, they try as much as they can to support her. They’re possibly the oldest parents out of the cadets’ families, but that certainly doesn’t lessen the love they have for her. They try to get her as many books, research materials, etc, as they can because they treasure seeing her smile and reaching her goals.

Eventually, when Chloe comes to terms that she isn’t an alien as a teen, she fears that she has hurt her parents by shunning them throughout her childhood. They reassure her this isn’t the case, and she’s able to form a much stronger bond with them.

Chloe’s built her identity around being an alien. While she is studious and interested in all aspects of culture, both human and alien, she finds the cracks forming in herself when she’s made to realize that she made up an elaborate lie for herself. She briefly tries then to be someone she’s not - a “human” without her various quirks or interests, but quickly realizes through the help of her friends that she’s always been Chloe no matter what, alien interests and all.

Relationships astound and fascinate her. She wants to examine them, which is why she loves reality tv. The trashier, the better! Girls yelling over a man who really isn’t shit? Fascinating! She’s crushed when Lili explains that reality tv isn’t a real emulation of reality.

She believed she’d be very tall as an adult because “my people are naturally taller than humans.” She’s average height, and she’s pissed. She will seek areas to be taller. Bobby’s shoulders. A chair. Blasting herself into space to be taller than all of humanity (though she’s also in a rocket because her dream has been and will always be to get to space!)

While she’s so delighted to be in space as an adult, being up there for long stretches of time can bum her out if she doesn’t have her friends. It’s still her dream to bring her friends up there! (And she sometimes is up there for too long that she forgets how to be human when she returns to orbit i.e. holding up objects in the air, letting them go, and forgetting gravity is a thing.)

Chloe is very confident and eager. She’ll talk someone’s ear off with her passion projects, but this is done on *her* time. Distractions or irritants earn her ire, and she’ll dismiss the person in a way that can be construed as rude. Although she doesn’t mean to be, her sometimes blunt personality can make her unlikeable among different kids.

But Lili appreciates this fact in her. Chloe doesn’t try to hide information or secrets. She isn’t one to let bygones be bygones. She’ll seek out the answer, move forward with her research, or just happily pursue her current interest like trying out different things such as painting nails or learning about the “human make-up industry that seems to ensnare girls as young as ten to cover their faces with colorful products!” (This is a nod to sincerelymendacious’ fic Painting Stars on Your Thumb! It’s an excellent Lili & Chloe piece.)

She’s a little engineer! I like to think she’s made a ton of machines at home. Her parents are super impressed! She’s been building, crafting, and making blueprints as soon as she could. Her room is covered wall to wall with her star maps and invention ideas, and her shelves are filled with (safe) tools and (also safe) mechanisms she’s made under her parents’ supervision. She’s on the neighborhood watch list because sometimes when she goes out and tests them, things do not go to plan, and she miiight have to apologize for sending a bottle rocket into Mrs. Thompson’s window (again).

But when she’s too engrossed in her work, she tends to lose track of time. It’s more of a prominent issue when she’s an adult. She’ll develop tunnel vision when focusing too heavily on a project, mission, etc. She might go a little…stir crazy. One time, she lost track of time so badly that two days had gone by without a wink of sleep, and when Milka pointed it out, she fell asleep on the spot in the Yamcha death pose.

On a sillier note, this makes her a bit of an energy drink guzzler. Bobby has come across her in a Mountain Dew haze while making what can only be described as a pseudo-time-splitter atom-crasher, and she crashed five seconds after offering to let him try it. While she once used a spray bottle to make him stop bullying kids, it was his turn to use it on her.

https://twitter.com/KibaSniper/status/1479028936105361408 ngl i just really like this thread i wrote about the negative aspects she causes with her friendship with bobby.

Chops

For starters, he and Lili used to be an item! Last year (one year before the events of PN1), they dated but decided to stay as friends. They’re really firm in that regard, and they’re also pen pals. He still flirts with her a little, but it’s in good nature. Lili thinks he’s fun and charming, and he cracks great jokes! (Again, I recommend the works of sincerelymendacious and the art of the-laughing-lunatic on dA, who has other nice PN artwork!)

He has a talent for psychic boxing, but he is strictly a pacifist. He isn’t afraid of arguing, and he hates when someone (like Elka) tries to talk down to him, but physically fighting isn’t for him. Chops’ talent for psychic boxing comes from his own physicality and his psychic specialty of PSI punches improving to where he can attack with a flurry of PSI punches while standing still. Yes, just like in JJBA. He thinks he looks so cool doing it.

He loves hockey! He’s a super-talented goalie. Nothing gets by him! If he has to get physical, it’s in the hockey rink! He loves ice skating, too. He even taught JT how to do it during the winter session at Whispering Rock.

His parents are divorced, and he lives with his father. His parents have a good friendship and joint custody. Chops would say they’re probably closer that way, too, since they split really amicably. (Just fell out of love, nothing bad!) He has a few older siblings and gets along really well with them. He’s the baby of the bunch tho! (He also gets along well with his step-parents.)

Music is also one of his many passions. When he sets his mind on learning something, he focuses on it. Playing his acoustic is so calming to him, especially when he’s with JT. The quieter, calmer moments are what he strives for when he can listen and enjoy the time with his friend and their song.

At the same time, he really does not like Phoebe and Quentin’s music. He claims it has no rhythm. This has led to a little bit of a playful, non-harmful rivalry with Quentin. He did try to play with the Levitators, but Phoebe had a flare-up when JT skipped again, so he decided to ditch the band when she almost ignited him. This headcanon comes from the PN strategy guide which states twice the Whispering Rockers have bad music lol.

His negative traits are issues of jealousy brought on by feeling ignored or ghosted. He isn’t one to hate someone - only when they’ve shown their nasty colors. When Elka dragged him aside and flatly told him that he couldn’t be friends with JT, it was too much for him, and he let his anger show quietly. He doesn’t raise his voice (but he will online!) because he doesn’t like arguing, but he will make his point known.

In general, he loves sports! He loves watching big games, especially hockey. His dad made sure he was athletic - a trait he shares with Mikhail! If only Mikhail would stop asking him to wrestle, they’d get along way better. He does like chilling while Mikhail wrestles bears. He provides great background music (or backup if Mikhail gets overwhelmed with his boxing skills!)

Separately, he and his dad go on a ton of hikes together. His dad works as an advisor for college teams, but he always prioritizes his son. Through that, he was able to meet a few hockey idols! Alternatively, his mom is a conservationist. She’s usually on the move, so while she doesn’t see him as often as she’d like, she loves her son so much! She always goes to his hockey games!

She was also the one who encouraged him to pick up the guitar! She’d play for him when he was little, and he picked it up so easily. When they’re together, they have little jam sessions.

As for his future, I like to imagine he tried the intern program and decided it wasn’t for him. It’s a lot of cerebral work, and he decided the life of a Psychonaut wasn’t in him, but he honed his skills to a near-professional level. He wants a creative path for adulthood, so his teenage years are spent kind of like how he spent his youth, just with more dating and mingling - maybe even reconnecting with Lili?

Clem (content warning for child abuse)

Clem’s relationship with both of his parents is incredibly strained. While his father is much crueler, preferring insults whenever Clem messes up, his mother will passively observe, not stepping in unless she needs something from her husband. Sometimes, she regards Clem negatively if her husband is stressing her. Because of their distance, Clem tends to give everyone a wide berth and stays secretive for his own protection. His mother is a victim, too, but she’s been verbally beaten down by her husband, and divorce is not an option.

He masks his true emotions under layers of false happiness. While he is kind - to a degree - his mask sometimes slips. He is easily annoyed by bullies or weaker kids. His smile will drop, and he’ll remark rather bitingly, especially toward those who don’t physically harm him such as Kitty extracting arrowheads or Maloof trying to strongarm him into accepting his protection services.

Like Bobby and Crystal, he has insomnia. For him, his thoughts keep him awake at night. He’ll think himself into circles until he can’t get out of them or he’s so exhausted, his brain mercifully shuts off.

But he isn’t always doom and gloom. He does want to try to make friends, and he does have a few good companions. He does like listening to JT and Chops play their music, preferring it over the music from Phoebe and Quentin. It’s something Chops certainly agrees with! Clem wishes he could learn harmonica but can’t because of his teeth.

I think what people forget about Clem is that he is very analytical. Unlike Crystal, he sees the world as half-empty. Although coping with humor and sarcasm, if his buttons are pushed too far, he will say the intentions of the other person in rather sharp detail. An incident that I wanted to explore was Bobby attempting to apologize for his previous bullying when they’re older, which Clem initially takes as another chance of bullying. To that, he bluntly surmises that Bobby is trying to find some absolution from “the kid you used to kick when he was down,” a way to soothe other the guilt in his mind, and Clem will not grant it. He is bitter. He isn’t one to forgive as easily as many would believe when he’s sixteen and digging himself into a deeper isolated hole.

But back to how he is as a kid! As the oldest Tender Brain, his psychic abilities are stunted due to the negativity he endures at home. When he was younger, he explored them in secret, but his father was horrified to find out he was psychic. He didn’t want a damn psychic for a kid, and he makes that fact known. His mother is too worn down to defend him, and Clem understands why. He’s wise for his age, and it startles her when he says something that sounds so grown up. Clem has learned to keep those thoughts to himself to not upset her.

He’s also decently athletic. He can run fast, and if he had control over his levitation ball, he’d probably win Milla’s race all the time. Clem’s energy is surprising despite his insomnia, but it’s because he’s so used to staying up late.

He was pretty surprised when Maloof said all jocks will pay. He decided to stay far, far away from him when he teamed up with Mikhail because hoo boy! He doesn’t want to touch that can of worms! Good thing he’s pretty good at hiding because Maloof remembered how Clem said he was a wuss.

His bond with Crystal is incredibly close, bordering on codependent. From afar, they can sense what the other is feeling. He can tell when her mother is being awful to her. But his telepathy isn’t as skilled, so he can’t reach out to her, and sometimes, there are days when he isn’t allowed to use the phone. He treasures the days they’re at camp and later the intern program because they can be there for each other…even if his mental health declines at the intern program, too. His pessimism, blunt outlook, and his inability to forgive as easily as Crystal begins wearing heavily on both of them. I can see it leading to an argument and mutual exasperation about how the other is handling it. Crystal still tries so hard to please, and he isn’t one for platitudes as a teenager.

For him, overcoming his depression and passive suicidal ideation is a big deal. They’ve been a part of his identity for years. A simple trip into his mind to clean up mental cobwebs isn’t it. It’s months of trying to cope or even finally cry, about the lot in life he had been given. There are people to blame, and he deals with his spite, but for Clem, he really, really just wants to live happily deep down.

Crystal (cw for child abuse)

Regarding her insomnia, her anxiety keeps her awake. She worries about social situations or what tomorrow will bring. She wants to make friends but holds herself back when she’s alone thinking she had presented herself in a way that let herself be mocked like not getting she was being tricked by Bobby.

She’s a people pleaser. She wants to make everyone happy! Because if others are happy, she’s happy, too! It makes her feel connected. Being a member of a group provides a sense of self that she doesn’t get home.

She lives with her mother, older sister, and two younger brothers in a cramped apartment located in a brick building. There is no father. Her mother fawns over her brothers. Her sister often fights with her mother. It’s a chaotic environment with her mother enforcing strict regulations, which her sister tries to break, and her sister also takes her frustration out on Crystal.

In return, Crystal tries to be on her A game at home! All with a smile! (An incredibly strained smile,) She does her homework on time. She does her chores, sometimes without being asked. She keeps out of her mother’s way when she’s ranting and stays in her room, knowing when it’s too much. She just wishes they would stop fighting, just wishes she was anywhere else in the world.

During a moment of high stress, she PSI blasted the couch, her first realization that she is psychic. Her mother is stunned, and her sister remarks she’s like their father (who her mother and sister don’t speak of). Crystal was promptly shipped off to camp at age 8.

Coming off that was one of her happiest memories. She met Clem that summer, bonding with him after a few attempts to coax a kinder response. Clem was surprised by her sincerity, considering he hardly knows anyone genuine at home. They bond over their desire to spread cheer and goodwill, something they lack in their lives. She makes up the routines while he writes the cheers!

She’s very self-critical, but that’s obvious. It stems again from her home life but also because she desperately wants friends. She wants to be included and treated well by her peers. This doesn’t go well either at camp, but to a much worse extent at school. She’s kept at arm's length by popular girls who seek to have her around for a laugh. While she does have friends, she is always putting their needs ahead of her own. Because of that, she fears losing them and cries when she perceives any social faux pas or inadvertently hurting anyone. With emotions in flux, crying is how she copes to release that energy that has been building.

At the same time, she’s very forgiving to a fault. She forgives her bullies time and time again because at least she’ll be close to them again, right? She just has to adjust herself to suit their needs - even if they continue taking advantage of her. This is something that follows her through her teenage years until she learns to make a stand for herself.

To cope with that, I like to imagine she takes to working out. She finds that strengthening her body really does help her mind. It lets her work through her struggles by moving her body, just as cheerleading once did. When she’s active, she’s happy, and through it, she starts to really like herself but also creates boundaries by asserting herself. Getting out in the sunshine is also a way she helps Clem with his bad moods.

She beat Mikhail in arm wrestling at camp, and it confounds him well into adulthood because It Keeps Happening. She keeps winning. The Common Crystal W.

She has a lot of good friends when she’s in her older teens! Chops, Phoebe, Quentin, JT, Elka, and Franke especially! (I see her friendship with Clem on the rocks, but they *do* become good friends again since they’re both at a crossroads in life, and she wants to help him get some good coping skills!)

Crystal/Lili also real. I think Crystal develops a one-sided crush on Lili during her time at camp. She thinks Lili is so cool! She stands up to the bullies with such confidence! She wishes she could be like Lili. Lili can tell Crystal is going through heavy stuff, so she allows herself to be an open source of comfort for Crystal, knowing what it’s like to feel alone. Lili teaches Crystal herbaphony, too.

Dogen

Oh, Dogen, poor Dogen. He doesn’t like to be seen as someone to be pitied. He doesn’t like it when people eye him strangely for his hat or when he mentions blowing up heads. He tries to ignore them when it happens because when he stands up and the situation escalates, heads start to roll.

Puppies and kitties are his favorite. They’re too cute! I like to think his parents kept their end of the deal and got him an adorable cat when he returned from camp. They also had choice words for HQ when Dogen explained to them Oleander’s plot and how he was kidnapped. His mother was NOT happy!!

He’s been friends with Lili since he was really young. Truman and Compton were worried about any trouble, but Lili got along very well with him. She could tell he was a nervous kid, a bit withdrawn, too, so they took things slow in their conversations. Dogen was able to open up to her without feeling like he was being mocked, even though he did believe he was at first. Lili is a very comforting presence in his life, and he’d defend her from anyone saying she’s mean.

But regarding closeness, in addition to Lili, his first friend who makes on his own accord is Raz. Raz isn’t afraid of him, which surprises him. Most of the other camp kids are nice to him, and Quentin is definitely down to do the scavenger hunt together, Raz makes an effort to get to him. For Dogen, it’s a very nice feeling to be wanted, to be acknowledged, not for the fright that he instills.

While Raz and Lili binge True Psychic Tales, he doesn’t care much for them. Sam already told him they’re a bunch of misinformed hoo-hah, so he can’t find it in him to like them. But he *does* like being read to, so when they’re doing their dramatic readings, he’s all ears.

As an adult, he has more control over his emotional outbursts because he’s more aware of what harm he can cause if that anger builds and releases. He’s always wearing a handsome hat, too! Gets the style from gramps (and fashion advice from Elka).

He can nap in the weirdest places. You can find him curled up in a chair in his office or on a nice sofa, but there’s also the off chance he’ll be in a tree among the squirrels. You might even locate him in a cave at camp, its ambiance dark, and you might even trip over him and fall face first in a puddle. Raz knows he has.

Absolutely a sucker for being told stories. Loves Milla’s puppet shows. Love when his sister tells him fairy tales that definitely stray from the original source. He grows up to be a pretty good storyteller in his own right and exchanges stories with Vernon, who I’ll discuss in a bit! (note - i never finished vernon's section. sorry vernon.)

He needed braces since he was a thumb-sucker. He hated wearing them. Sensory nightmare!!

Elka

Elka is the tallest girl when she’s an adult, a headcanon I credit to basic-braining, which made me baffled and laugh the moment I heard about it. She’s putting her hand in the middle, and Clem, Bobby, and Mikhail are putting their hands over hers. Tall Psychics Solidarity. (Bobby and Mikhail are trying so so so sooo hard to claw each other tho, and it doesn’t matter how old they are because they are trying to fucking GET each other!!!!)

She rarely has a bad hair day. She makes sure her hair is always styled to how she wants it, even if she’s feeling lethargic or miserable. But if her hair is bad, then the mental health demons won.

Elka’s backstory was fleshed out in that leaked PN document a few years back, and I subscribe to it. Mabel loves it when Elka starts telling her the awful things that will happen to others. She lives off it. When Elka is much younger, she doesn’t fully get the impact of her words, like, “Their dog will die tomorrow” or “Mrs. Burkowitz will learn she has cancer in three months from now.” But her mother will drum her fingers together and smile in a way that makes Elka think it’s okay to say, and her mother does love her dear Elka so much. They’re like twins in how she dresses Elka.

Barney is wary of his wife’s behavior when Elka gets closer to her canon age. He knows firsthand the exhaustion and depression foresight causes. It wears him down. Only seeing horrible tragedies has left him sullen, a bit cynical, but he makes an effort to appear happy for Elka. Sometimes, it slips, but he loves his daughter tremendously and tries to prepare her for the depths of anguish that will follow when a Doom sees only sorrow.

Her parents are working-class people. Elka’s mom has had a few jobs here and there, and Barney is one of those office worker types. Nothing really interesting happens in their lives except when a vision occurs, and Elka’s foresight is seemingly much stronger than her father’s was when he was a child. This elates her mother, who sees Elka’s visions as gossip and ways to bond with her (and as a way to brighten up her own life), while Barney is fearful of how worse Elka’s visions will get. Mabel is concerned, too, especially when Elka starts feeling the physical attributes (weariness/exhaustion, needing to rest right away, collapsing, falling unconscious, or sitting in a fit of shock), so she does put Elka’s needs above her own when it happens.

But it all culminates to a point when Elka reveals one of them will have an affair. She likes her secrets, but this was too extreme to not say. And when her mother goaded her for it as usual, the color drained from her face when she heard it. Barney was just as shocked, sweating, and they reacted exactly as Elka expected.

This incident is the primary reason why she is obsessed with the idea of her life with Nils. Mabel encouraged her pursuit of Nils when she saw a rare vision of herself being “happy” with him. Although Barney thought it was another omen, Mabel wanted to believe it was nice that Elka saw something fortunate, and Elka clung to it, believing her future is with Nils. Fleeting happiness can be forever. She knows her parents are destined to divorce, but she doesn’t have to repeat their misery.

They divorce when Elka returns from camp. As expected, it comes true. She lives with Mabel and has visitations with Barney. Subsequently, her visions continue to worsen, feeling their effects on a far more physical level that leaves her with, at times, chronic pain and exhaustion. She takes medication to cope with the headaches, ailments, and psychic fatigue, but her prescriptions increase until she’s an adult when her abilities stabilize. Still, she needs them and always will.

Dogen has a cat. Elka has a cat. They bring their cats together when they go on brunch.

oh fuck uhhh elka/kitty/franke uhhhhh they're yuri baby!!!!!!!! i think she still hates kitty's toxic slutch hair dye jobs but puts on a brave face when franke thinks it looks nice.

She likes to go hat shopping with him! He picks out the best ones! “Excuse me, Dogen asked for the discount,” she says, and she will make problems for the retail employee.

Elton

Definitely has an anxiety disorder. He’s skittish to a fault as a kid, but through Milka, he gains a lot of confidence. His connection with her strengthens him, and he’s able to stand up for himself a lot easier through his teen and adult years.

Although anxious, he can be quite blunt. If he doesn’t like something, he’s says it in a way that clearly conveys his annoyance. He might avoid conflict, but he will complain if something keeps agitating him. It does border on passive-aggressive if it really bothers him.

He doesn’t have many memories of his father. He died when Elton was around five, so the few memories are the ones he cherishes. In particular, he remembers that his father gifted him his treasured hat for his fifth birthday. His father took it off his own head and placed it gently on Elton, who never took it off because it smells like the sea he loves and fears.

When his father died, and he learned he drowned at sea, he quickly developed a fear of drowning and hydrophobia. He loves the sea and the creatures within, and he loves calm, lapping waves on the shore. But he definitely doesn’t want to end up like his father, his body never recovered, more likely than not having turned to fish paste.

It’s not a fandom secret anymore that he lives in a brothel. The other women working alongside his mother are incredibly kind to Elton. They treat him with little gifts and trinkets, and through one of them, he learned how to play the accordion. His mother does love it when Elton plays for the girls, clapping along with them while Elton beams. One of the memories he has with his father also was a musical one, in which is father sang a sea shanty to go along with his son’s melody. He remembers his mother was very happy, too.

Because of his circumstances, he really does try to treat girls with respect. He knows his father loved and respected his mom, so the girl he likes deserves that, too. He first fell in love with Lili because of her rebellious, cool attitude, but he never got to know what was under the surface. He tried, but he came off as off-putting. He did her homework, sure, but there wasn’t much of a connection between them. She didn’t want to hang out with him because Elton was awkward, and without meaning to be, kind of clingy. He tried inserting himself in her life way too often without realizing Lili needed her time alone. He took her silent treatment pretty hard, blaming himself for not being good enough and worrying that he hurt her feelings constantly.

The girls cabin is up in arms whenever Elton tried fawning over Lili. Kitty, Franke, and Elka always had a good laugh at Lili and Elton’s expense when he tried “wooing” her. Franke will not let him live down the sexy plant article.

But then there’s Milka! He can’t believe he “reeled in a catch” like her! He was lost at sea, and now he’s found in her arms! Elton is incredibly dramatic about Milka. He wants her to know that she’s the apple of his eye, the brightest star in the sky, the most purple of prose! While they do kiss (a lot), he loves being around her in general. Gossiping with fish, exploring for scavenger hunt items, and even learning invisibility from her, Milka is the best thing to ever happened to him, he’ll say!

He argues with Chloe over whether sea creatures or aliens are better to explore. He insists the sea is better because there’s so much unexplored while humans will never breach alien life. Milka had to physically restrain Chloe. Elton is also not sad that Chloe kicked him out of the spaceship because he never wanted to go.

they never fucking break up. they are at each other's hips all the times as adults. what's weird is that it's not even unhealthy.

Franke

Not initially a bully! She was a shy, clumsy kid before Kitty took an interest in her. Kitty loved her full hair and wanted to help mold her into being someone better than the teased girl wearing pediatric shoes. She might not be the best at insults, but her relationship with Kitty is extremely genuine. She might no longer be shy, but she’s definitely clumsy in both movement and insults.

Based on the cut concept of certain kids roaming around the sanctuary after re-braining, Franke’s identity is currently based on Kitty’s perceptions. She feels lost without Kitty. She’s way different outside of camp, being considerably nicer and less antagonistic but still a bit mean. But at Whispering Rock, she revolves around Kitty, so when Kitty is brainless, she’s in a panic, crying, and really hoping Benny will go the hell away. She is sort of lost without Kitty and unsure of her place in Whispering Rock, so she holds onto Kitty, and Kitty will hold her back because Kitty does cares about her. It is something I wish was kept in the final game since it would’ve shown a really nice difference in how they view their relationship. (Kitty was intended to kind of poke brainless!Franke and meander all, ‘Okay, girlfriend, wake up…’ while Franke was really sad about it.)

While Kitty is a makeup expert, Franke is great with hair! She loves doing all sorts of crazy things to it with Kitty, and Kitty likes styling Franke. Low pigtails, a deep side part, or even a mohawk just for fun!

She lets Kitty do her makeup. She has to wake up early, but it’s worth it to have Kitty’s attention.

I’m not sure if I see Franke as a Psychonaut. I think she’d much prefer a job where she can be creative. I like the idea of a hairstylist for Franke’s occupation. Going to college for a degree in cosmetology, working in the city, going steady with Crystal, etc. She also hangs out a lot with Chops, and they double as wingmen for each other!

And speaking of Chops, he taught her how to play bass! It gets the girls’ attention at house parties. Anyway, here’s Lesbian Wanderwall.

As for her future relationship with Kitty, I do like thinking they end up together. I also like thinking of how they’d stay in contact. If they stay together over the years, Kitty is definitely having her dad fly Franke out for parties and homecomings, etc. Franke and Kitty just want to spend as much time as they can together! And also go shopping and get their nails done.

“You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice???” she shouts. (Kitty is fumbling for the engagement ring at the restaurant - Elka beats her to it and wins Franke’s hand)

okay i had a bunch of sadder franke headcanons that i don't like anymore so sorry her section is shorter, so here's a few ones off the cuff

she has two gay dads, and she's the number one weed smoker when she's an adult. good for her. good for her. i do think she gets other girlfriends, like if she and kitty are on a break, or they have period where they can't be in contact

the open marriage is very important to her! franke is the one kitty trusts the most, which really touches her. if they ever actually get 'married,' it's mostly because kitty wants a big celebration and throw a party to show off franke, and franke is just awww baaaabe!!!!

JT

I mean this in the kindest way possible, but he’s a doormat of a kid. He prefers to avoid conflict, or if he’s in the thick of it, find the most peaceful solution possible. This, however, leads him to avoid his problems if he can’t find an immediate answer, which is what he did when he was dating Elka. It was better to appease her or hide rather than tell Elka he didn’t want to be in a relationship.

His parents are hardworking cowpokes. They instilled a deep meaning to that term when he was young, so he’s constantly working on the farm at home. He can lasso and hogtie the best farm animals. Handling animals is much easier than people.

He learned he was psychic at a very young age when he was PSI blasting in his crib while throwing a fit. His psychic powers come from his grandmother, who was an outlaw before her untimely death. Before she passed, however, she taught JT how to control his PSI blasts and help curb his temper with target practice on hay, which when JT does at camp, makes him feel closer to Granny Hoofburger.

His ten gallon hat is a family heirloom passed down from Hoofburger family head to their eldest child. JT’s father gvae it to him right before he started camp, tho it was a bit too big for him.

Speaking of camp, he started attending at age 7 before Chops, who came a year after. He mostly kept to himself, rather soft-spoken, which made him a bullying target for Bobby. He did PSI blast him near his feet as a warning shot, so Bobby steered clear of him.

When Chops came, they connected pretty casually. It was nice to connect with him through music, and soon enough, they were fast friends! They opened up new worlds to each other (JT taught him how to lasso a pig, and Chops spent a whole day (accidentally) hitting him with hockey pucks to teach him how to be a better goalie, among other activities).

Chops stays over with JT when it’s time to depart for camp. His mom or dad ships him down to the Hoofburgers a few days in advance, so JT and him have time to horseback ride and herd caddle before it’s time to shove off! JT really treasures these personal moments with his best friend.

He’s polite and kind to a fault, tho excessive compliments will annoy him. If he sees someone sad, it tugs at his heartstrings, and he has to help. When he saw Elka weeping on the bus ride to camp, he sat next to her and offered a friendly ear. His ear was promptly talked off by Elka lamenting her woes, and in the middle of it all, JT was somehow her boyfriend by the end of it.

Like a few other kids, JT was a curious subject in the eyes of Sasha. But he declined on account of the rumors. He saw the results of Bobby’s experience within the walls of the GPC, and he doesn’t want it to happen to him. Sasha tries a few times to convince him, viewing his PSI blast skill particularly keen due to JT being a nonviolent individual, but he ends up shrugging his shoulders. Just another kid wary of him. He’ll try when JT is older and wisened up to the rumors, but he’ll still look after him.

And indeed it happens! When JT goes through the intern program, his mentor is Sasha. JT is flatly smiling at Hollis, and she’s not granting him a mentor swap. But the training is actually far different from he expected - instead of child experimentation, it’s further control over his blasting abilities. And poking around in JT’s mental world via the Brain Tumbler because of course Sasha will do that. It’s invaluable research while also helping JT sort through some mental cobwebs and self-confidence and conflict resolution issues!

Although I see him struggling with internalized homophobia through his youth and teenage years, I think he’d come around to accepting his sexuality after seeing how normalized it is at the Motherlobe. 

As for his future, I think a Psychonaut or a settled down cowpoke works for him. While the Psychonauts have experience in therapeutic fields, JT is strictly a field agent. In particular, he uses his cowboy skills to wrangle entities that don’t belong in minds, so he’s commonly placed on teams. But the life of a cowboy with Chops is also fun to imagine, especially with how down-to-earth he is.

His mother taught him how to play the harmonica! It was passed down to her by her mother, and she wanted to teach it to JT the moment he started babbling as a baby. There’s a cute video she keeps showing his friends about tiny tyke JT playing the harmonica (poorly and happily) on his own! He buries his face in his hat when his friends start going “Awww!”

He sometimes spots Milka in the strangest places. It’s surprising, and he’s not sure if it’s a trick of the light. But they live in the same state, and occasionally, he’ll come across her in different towns. There are times when she looks beat, and he tries to be as compassionate as he can since Milka’s been through some hard stuff. (When she had her seizure in the lodge just before canon, it terrified him to bits.) If it’s a friend to just relax with at the local park or supermarket or whatever, he’s fine with looking strange talking to no one there.

He and Milka take care of stray cats when she’s over! Milka has a natural affinity for them, and it rubs off on JT.

Kitty

Kitty is the daughter of a man kicked out of the Navy, who subsequently made it big as a defense lawyer in high-stakes cases. But before his time in the courtroom, she was a Navy brat living from base to base across the world. This was a detriment to her social life as she couldn’t make long-lasting friends nor understand the depths of a solid, strong friendship or relationship.

But the friends (and partners) she made were good during the periods of time when she lived in those different places. She always wanted to be the star of the show, and she was influenced by her father, who rose through the ranks of the Navy (before getting the axe). She saw how he acted, taking charge and ensuring he knew information on others, and took that to heart, so she emulated him to always stay the most stunning, most powerful girl in the room.

Her father showers her with gifts. Expensive jewelry, clothing, perfumes, accessories, limited editions, one of a kind products. You name it; he’s gotten it for his darling daughter. She really is the apple of his eye when he pays attention to her and not his work ventures.

Because of Kitty constantly moving as a kid, her father would have various girlfriends. These relationships weren’t anything special, and the women would try to appeal to Kitty with the same affection her father shows. Kitty just takes their “offerings” and smiles charmingly and promises to chip in with a nice word about the current girl to her father. She never does. Relationships are a lot of work, and she needs to stay on top.

She learned she was psychic purely by accident. She had mistakenly hypnotized a bunch of susceptible kids in her class into doing her bidding when she was seven without realizing it. Her father is also psychic but not as powerful as Kitty. So, when he hears about Whispering Rock, he ships her off to help Kitty control her powers. She, like Bobby, attends Whispering Rock in its opening years five years before canon.

She and Bobby loathe each other. They both hail from vastly different worlds. Kitty knows he’s violent, even as a seven-year-old, so she tries to manipulate him only when necessary. Bobby is quick to her game as they grow up, and his mental walls are far too strong for her to penetrate. However, his expressions show so freely on his face, and she’s already made more friends with the Tender Brains and Psychic Scouts while he has no one in his corner, so he isn’t a threat.

But her first genuine friend came in the form of none other than Lili Zanotto two years later (at this point, Kitty is nine). Lili was far different from the other girls. She was fun and dynamic and bonus points for being the daughter of the Grand Head. Kitty knew she wanted Lili in her court, and she made quick work trying to befriend her…only to see she had already made friends with Bobby. This would start a tumultuous back and forth between Kitty and Bobby over Lili over the summer (who wasn’t having it), and by the end of the summer, after an incident in Sasha’s lab, Lili and Bobby were no longer friends much to Kitty’s delight.

She swooped in and took Lili under her wing after that incident, and she grew to truly care for Lili. She even learned a little herbaphony from Lili. They’d call even after camp, and Kitty would tell her dad to buy her a plane ticket to visit Lili in the west coast from whatever Navy base she was staying at. It was a close, tight friendship…until it wasn’t.

Lili is not a bully. She hates seeing other kids hurt, even if she acts aloof. She didn’t like it when Bobby was picking on kids, and she hates it when Kitty picks on kids. It’s that sense of self-righteousness that earned Kitty’s ire after some time, and realizing she was not making much leeway with Lili and that their friendship had stalled, she cut Lili out suddenly. She stopped talking to her, stopped answering the phone, etc. She dropped Lili like a fly. It hurt Lili, she knows it did, but she’s replaceable.

But the girl who came into Kitty’s life could never be replaceable. Franke was a shy, sweet girl when she came to camp at age nine. Kitty was so charmed by her that she had to take her under her wing just like she did for Lili, but Franke was much more accepting of Kitty. Kitty could tell Franke wanted to impress her, and that earnest behavior, coupled with her genuine kindness and affection, started having Kitty doubt her own ways. She really wanted to make her relationship with Franke work because she saw just how much Franke adored her, and in return, Kitty adored her as well. (Her face is also perfect for kissing, a compliment that would always make Franke blush!)

Lili (this one is long lol)

Child of a recent divorce!! Abandonment issues!! Self-worth issues!! Wants to make friends but feels distanced!! She’s got it all!!

On a serious note, Lili is a fascinating kid. In the first game, we see as far more aloof than she really is. She only starts opening up because Raz has brought a spark back to her life. From the Li-Po doc, there was a lot of pressure seemingly on her to follow in the footsteps of her father, but she would rather garden or talk with the plants. There’s an expectation of greatness placed on Lili because of her lineage, and it’s a deep issue for her. Her name follows her. She’s the daughter of the Grand Head, the grand-neice of a founding member of the Psychonauts. It’s pressure on her to be seen as perfect from certain people like those counselors and teachers at her school or even other agents.

But Lili just wants to be herself. When her father campaigned for the position of Grand Head, Lili was in the limelight. Her family was scrutinized. She was scrutinized. I’d say she was around five, so her earliest memories are feelings of uncertainty and confusion and a little resentment toward these strangers coming after her father and the great-uncle she never knew but kept believing was truly great. It made the Psychonauts feel far more political than it really was because of that mounting pressure faced by her father until he won the election.

As for Lili, she wants to be herself. She doesn’t want to live in her father’s shadow, but she also doesn’t want to disappoint him. She has so many conflicting feelings wrapped up in her head because she loves Truman, but she also wants to explore different possibilities outside of the Psychonauts, feeling as if her life is being planned for her, possibly to even take on the role of Grand Head. She has so many muddled feelings, but she’ll always, always, always love her father and the peaceful times they share together.

Psychic parents trying to win favor with her dad would often offer play dates with their kids. It worked for a bit until Lili realized they didn’t want to be real friends with her. Truman quickly shut that down when he noticed how unhappy was with these “friends” over. It made her wary about new kids in her life in case they or their parents wanted something to do with her dad. 

It’s why Whispering Rock was such a haven for her at first. Truman thought it would be the best place to make real connections, choosing that camp personally out of the others due to the counselors present. He believed she’d be safe to meet new kids. Initially, she thought the kids would try to warm up to her to get access to her dad or some “power” of some sorts, but the campers are just very normal, regular kids. Most of them didn’t know she was the daughter of the Grand Head and treated her as average as possible (except Kitty). It was really refreshing at first, and she began opening up.

“Are you talking to me because you want to get my dad?” “Um, no, sorry, miss. I was just wonderin’ if ya wanted to kick around the hackeysack.” Lili quickly realizes making blunt accusations around these kids isn’t the best way to go about it during her first week, and she does apologize to JT for it. She did have fun kicking around that hackeysack with him and Phoebe!

But her first friend would be Bobby. He was a loner, didn’t have friends either, and they hung back in the coach’s class enough together for Lili to start talking to him. He was surprised at first, but hey, someone wants to be his friend? He’s game. For Lili, it’s nice to have someone to talk to and learn more about the silly rumors around camp (like the lake monster).

There’s also Kitty, who really does like Lili, too, and she’s great at applying Lili’s eyeshadow. Shocked the hell out of her dad on parent’s day, but he kept his mouth shut because Lili was beaming as she introduced her two new friends. And she’s slowly making more friends, not as close, but it’s very pleasant to be around these kids (even if she gets annoyed when it’s obvious Kitty and Bobby are bickering over who gets to hang out with her).

Sasha had set up his lab this year, making it also his first time in camp. He tends to look out for Lili, all while offering advanced training to the kids who show exceptional promise. She hides out in his lab when she wants a break, always denying his chance to use the Brain Tumbler on her because “Dad would kill you if anything happened to me.” Sasha keeps claiming it’s safe, and that’s what helps convince Lili to encourage Bobby to try out the advanced training. (Unfortunately, Bobby would blame Lili for the machine going haywire and hurting him, severing their friendship in a very public, very hurtful way. It was a total accident out of Lili’s hands, but Bobby couldn’t see it that way at the time.)

She is able to find comfort in Kitty, who is able to cheer her up. Though, she is able to use a bit of “influence” on Lili when she gets tired of Kitty sneering at the other kids. Soon enough, though, Lili finds herself alone. Kitty has moved on, and Bobby is still pissed at her summers later, and camp leaves a bad taste in her mouth. There are other kids who are nice to her, and she’s friends with them, but Whispering Rock doesn’t have the same charm.

But it isn’t all bad! She does have great friends with Chops and Quentin. Chops was her first boyfriend, and she really liked his humor and music. Quentin was also fun, even if his singing needed so much work. Phoebe was also cool until she started insisting she help with Lili’s “isolation issues.” Lili is sensitive, but she hides it under layers of controlled confidence.

And of course, there’s Dogen! Being that they’re both descendants of founding Psychonauts, she knows Dogen has a different kind of pressure on his shoulders. She thinks he’s a sweet kid, a bit naive, but very genuine in his own way. She might act aloof about him, but she’s still protective of Dogen. (Also, Sam was her babysitter when she was younger! She let Lili watch PG-13 movies.)

She’s aware that Crystal looks up to her, and that Crystal has issues of her own, so she is ready to stand up for her whenever Bobby and Benny try tormenting her. She’d help Clem, too, but she gets the feeling he’d rather be left alone when his smile slips.

So, it’s kind of drab for Lili for a couple of years. Flowers are much preferable than people. And she can’t pick a favorite flower! That’d be far too mean! Different fauna has different feelings, after all.

Which is why Raz was such a spark of life! A breath of fresh air! He brought excitement back to her life, jarring Lili out of a funk that she stewed in for so long. He made her see how fun being a Psychonaut could be, how fun being a psychic can be in general. That adventure in Whispering Rock helped change her worldview, especially now that she had a friend (and boyfriend! Because she’s tough like that, and she wants what she wants, and she looked at Raz and asked, “Is anyone gonna be his girlfriend?” and didn’t wait for an answer.)

But back to Truman, she regrets that their relationship dwindled. She’ll always be his little girl, even if Truman wishes he could always do more for her. But Lili loves him so much! He’s her hero! Just how she looked at him during Hollis’ speech, she adores her father and wants to do right by him after years of blowing off the Psychonauts. I think the end of PN2 really allows them to connect and be together in a way that they hadn’t had for quite some time. I like imagining them taking up gardening in Lili’s private area, especially with Uncle Bob joining them, really giving Lili this feeling that the Zanottos are a family again.

But let’s get some happier headcanons! Chloe and Lili are really tight friends!! When Chloe told Lili that she would want to dissect her least, Lili was very touched. She knows Chloe is human, but she goes along with Chloe’s alien heritage to make her happy. They’re friends over the years, and she appreciates Chloe’s honest, blunt nature, AND Chloe picks out the best eye shadow and nail polish.

Huge Sonic the Hedgehog fan. “But it takes place in the 80s?” Irrelevant. She has the Shadow the Hedgehog gun statue AND the massive Shadow poster from E3 from circa 2000. Never forgave Bobby for erasing her Sonic Adventure Dreamcast data in favor of starting up a new save file for Mortal Kombat Gold. Lili had a level 100 Chao, stats MAXED OUT, and she had never known a harsher loss. She bit him on the shoulder for it, and Milla had to break them up.

She’s able to become friends with Milka, too. She’s dumbfounded when Milka left that scathing message on the bulletin board because she was trying to ignore Elton’s advances. She didn’t want to get involved with someone really clingy (even if Elton didn’t mean to come off that way - he thought he was being nice). She gives Milka a few of her old skirts the next time they’re both in camp because she remembers the one compliment Milka left in that note. Milka thought it was a trick, but after coming to know Raz, Lili opens up more, and in turn, Milka does as well - the girls are gossiping!!!! And sharing hair tips!! I think they’d smugly parade their guys around each other in good fun all “My Elton can navigate several vessels.” “Well, my Raz can part the seas those vessels are on.” “That’s cute. Elton could kill him. “Whoa, uh…” (Elton shocked but enamored face goes here)

I’m of the belief she looks more like her father when she grows up. A stockier frame, a bit on the shorter side, etc. Though, one year for Halloween, she dressed up like her dad, and there were agents genuinely confusing her for him. Truman tried to nudge his paperwork her way, and she was just, “No, Dad.”

When she’s working on her own paperwork as an agent, however, she’s blasting her dark ambient tunes. She focuses better with background noise and lyricless music, something that’s been happening when she was a kid.

Maloof

Karaoke junkie as an adult. He thinks he’s a great singer, and he has a lot of power to make his men clap even when he’s off-key. Only Mikhail has the guts to tell him when his pitch was off.

Still loves cartoons well into his adulthood. He’ll be in his private limo on his way to a meeting, and he’ll have a portable DVD player with the box set of seasons one through three of Spongebob with him. (He will absolutely criticize the newer art style and how bright it is compared to the earliest seasons. Not a fan of plot-driven cartoons btw. They get too preachy for his liking such as when a character goes on a deep, emotional journey to become a better person. Boring! Instead, he prefers a good gag.)

His mother and father were shocked to realize he was psychic. While they aren’t psychic, through their lineage, they realized it was a recessive gene in both of their families. They’ve employed private psychic tutors to help Maloof master his powers, but it wasn’t successful, so they contended to send him to Whispering Rock. It was against his mother’s better judgment, but his father insisted, believing the Psychonauts would be a good fit for him. If anything happened, all Maloof needed to do was call him, and he’d send over a goon to pick him up (and also collect the name of anyone who bothered him.)

With the way his parents raise him - Maloof’s environment is very upper class considering his father is the don of a familial syndicate - Maloof is sheltered. He’s an only child, and his parents don’t plan on having more kids. His extended family is large, and there are many people employed by his parents (whether they’re butlers or hitmen are different matters). He’s shy around new kids, and he’s very comfortable at home. He’s a mama’s boy and the apple of his father’s eye. They simply adore Maloof, who can do no wrong.

In turn, this makes him a crybaby. He’s used to getting what he wants, so in Whispering Rock, where he’s easy pickings, it terrifies him. He doesn’t want to go to Whispering Rock. It’s scary. It’s dark. He heard there’s a lake monster. The kids are mean to him online. But his father reassures him that he’s just a call away, which is what makes Maloof agree. His pop knows Maloof is a smart boy, and Maloof believes that, too.

Maloof is very aware. He knows what his parents do, and he knows about the mafia. His father wanted to prepare him in case anything happened, so he makes sure to never lie to Maloof. He even brings Maloof to meetings with other mafiosos, letting him see how it’s done (but only in places where nothing bad can happen. Neutral zones, that is.) Watching the Godfather with his dad is a fun pastime for them!

He looks up to his parents and emulates his pop. He wants to follow in his footsteps, admiring what he does and how he expands his control. Maloof listens to what he says and repeats them until he understand the depths of their meaning. He also has a pocket dictionary on him, wanting to learn more as well. (The Canolas are experts in extortion, blackmail, and ‘protection services.’)

If there is another camper who he likes aside from Mikhail, it’s Crystal. She was always nice to him, She never picked on him. She let him cry on her shoulder, and sometimes, when he accidentally stumbled upon her crying, he felt terrible because he couldn’t say what she needed to hear. He knows what it’s like to be weak, and he’s aware she has certain issues, so he has Mikhail look after her from a distance to make sure Kitty and Franke leave her alone.

Though, he was frustrated when Crystal gently refused his offer of “self-protection.” He thought it was the perfect plan for her, and it dumbfounded him throughout the rest of camp because he really thought he was about to help her through her problems.

He is one to hold a grudge. He remembers all the times Bobby and Benny punched and kicked and pushed him in the creek. He remembers all the times Kitty and Franke pulled him into the girls’ cabin to dress him up in tutus and force him to wear lipstick. But if there is someone interesting he holds a grudge against, it’s Clem. He thinks Clem is dragging a nice girl like Crystal down. Making matters worse, Clem is a jock, and Maloof isn’t one for sports, being picked last during gym class. It’s a matter of jealousy.

With Mikhail on his side, he has a much, MUCH more enjoyable time at camp. He might only go for the first summer session, but during that month, he’s in charge. He feels so powerful, and there are other kids coming to him for protection or requests. He receives their Dream Fluffs (he has no use for psitanium), and he and Mikhail go out and finish the job.

Per Mikhail’s request, Maloof uses a camcorder and films Mikhail while he wrestles bears. He is sometimes downright petrified to watch him and the bears maul the hell out of each other for sport, and it doesn’t matter how old Maloof is when he’s doing it.

And per Maloof’s request, at camp, Mikhail would read him Russian bedtime stories via their telepathic connection (that Mikhail focuses on; Maloof is as adept yet).

His psychic speciality turns out to be using his shield. I was initially going to say PSI blast, but he has ways to express his frustration through much more expository manners (ordering a goon, giving a deal someone can’t refuse, etc). He has to protect himself, so shielding felt perfect to me.

He grew up in luxury, and he joins in the family business. Though, I also like imagining him at the Psychonauts pulling double duty in an office job to keep his Canola family affairs away from their suspicion. While his father is still calling the shots, he’s trusted Maloof to do the same work as he does, and Maloof is very efficient at it, managing the goons and other associates while expanding their profits.

He and Mikhail are close friends over the years. There have been many partners in Maloof’s life, but Mikhail stayed the longest. Although I also like Mikhail being a Psychonaut (or a professional wrestler), if he stays at Maloof’s righthand man, he’s the only one Maloof fully trusts as his confidante. He can tell Mikhail anything, even if it sometimes earns a hearty laugh if he’s embarrassing himself.

Maloof has great taste in wine and is an excellent cook. There might be people who make his meals, and he can afford the best restaurants, but he likes the smells of the kitchen and preparing his own dishes. It helps him stay grounded.

Somehow, he’s become friends with Benny. At the end of PN, when Benny returned, shunned by Oleander, Maloof made him a deal he can’t refuse: be his “ears” in the camp. Benny quickly accepted, and for that short period of time, even if Benny grated his nerves after a while with his excessive flattery, they bonded over their mutual enjoyment of power. And occasionally, Benny would make him laugh. Mikhail does graduate out of camp soon after, but with Bobby stuck like glue to Chloe, Benny found himself around Maloof, and Maloof had to admit his company was not terrible.

They’re better friends as adults. They’ve both made something for themselves, and Maloof can’t have a karaoke night without Benny, even if they’re making Mikhail’s ears bleed. “Awful. Horrible. I’m calling the cab to go home,” he says during their rendition of Luck Be a Lady.

Mikhail

Misha!! What a fun kid!! A lot of people deem him very serious or lacking depth, but Mikhail has a strong sense of humor and a nobility to him. He dislikes those who pick on the weak, but he hams it up a lot when it comes to making friends. He says how he’s going to wrestle them as a way to befriend people to stay in character as a “villain.” He was really looking forward to that fight with Bobby! He thought it’d be a great challenge!

He was born to a psychic father and a non-psychic mother. He has a few other siblings (an older sister, two younger brothers, and a youngest/toddler sister), and almost all of them are psychic, too, except for the youngest brother and toddler sister. His big sister is in college during canon, but Mikhail gets to wrestle his little bros and lift his baby sister as a form of training his telekinesis.

His father is a carpenter, and his mother is a former politician. She was a local community organizer and stayed that way until the birth of her third child. She wanted more time with her family, so she stepped out of the public spotlight. His oldest sister is following in their mom’s footsteps, so Mikhail doesn’t see much of her since she’s focused heavily on her education.

Because of his parents’ occupations, they instilled a sense of hard work in Mikhail. He believes that hard work will bring about good results. They also want Mikhail to focus on his goals in life. When he became enamored with the world of professional wrestling, his dad laughed and ruffled his hair and said they’d get him the best training out there. His mom likes to drive him to practices and tournaments and support him! (There is a bit of generational wealth in the Bulgakov family, so money isn’t a concern for them.)

His family travels a lot, so Mikhail is very worldly. He has a decent grasp on a few languages. He’s also invested in many sports like hockey, basketball, tetherball, etc, but wrestling will always be his favorite. He loves the idea of building a persona, hyping up a crowd, and going wild in the ring! He hopes to sign autographs one day.

Mikhail loves nature. He is taking pictures of snails and captioning them effervescent. There is so much beauty in the world. Sending dozens of nature photos to his friends. Phoebe scrolls through them, and there is Mikhail in the far distance looking like a mirage in the desert, but he is very distinctively giving a peace sign. (Shout out to Rem for putting the thought of Phoebe waking up to Mikhail’s snail photos in my head)

He loved bears since he was a tiny tot. His mom thought she lost four-year-old Mikhail at the zoo only to SHRIEK when she found him VERY HAPPILY running into the bear exhibit to tussle with some cubs. (“MY MISHA!!! NO!!!”) But they were happy to see him, too!! He feels a kinship with them in how they wrestle and communicate. He forms a zoolingualist bond with them, tho it’s really the only animal he can speak with, not that he minds. The bears back home are always eager to wrestle! Also, they’re chill. He’s taking naps on them. He’s at Whispering Rock, thinking, “Patricia, I’m weary. Mind if I nap?” And Patricia the PSI bear flops over to rest, too, and he’s asleep on top of her back. Ranger Cruller doesn’t know what the hell he’s looking at. He’s also too wary to tell Mikhail to leave the woods because the bears gang up on him.

But when he’s nearing adulthood, he finds himself at a crossroads. There’s so much he wants to do, but he feels suddenly limited. His parents support his choices, and yet, Mikhail doesn’t know which path to take. He wants to be a wrestler. He wants to be a Psychonaut, but the Psychonauts aren’t what he expected throughout his internship. He excels in field missions, but he isn’t the best at the therapeutical angle. I see him pulling double duty as a compromise - being a field agent in addition to a professional wrestler. Sasha and Milla are celebrities, so for me, it makes sense for Mikhail to be one, too, in a very unique way.

As a Whispering Rock camp counselor (he got shipped there because he kept forgetting to fill out his paperwork), Mikhail ran a fight club for the Astal Warriors at Whispering Rock with Bobby when they were both assigned there. Do NOT tell Phoebe, or she’ll make them disband it. Crystal happens upon it, and they freak out (because they’re also drinking a little while supervising the kids duking it out), but she isn’t a narc, and the kids want her to keep it a secret, too

Mikhail, standing tall and proud. “GG.” (Bobby coughing and sputtering) He crouches. “No RE.” (Bobby groaning and struggling to kneel) He grins wide and holds out his hand. “Shake my hand.” (Bobby collapses in the Yamcha pose with a loud OUGH.)

He’s weak to confusion. He knows he’s susceptible to it, so Hollis’ training was modified for him to help strengthen his mental defenses. I think Kitty would try to manipulate him (like doing part of her intern assignments), and it works for a bit, until he’s able to keep her out of his head. He’s not one to rat someone out, but Phoebe was not happy to hear about Kitty’s dealings! He was also disappointed in himself for being such an easy target.

Milka

Milka was born to a mother alone. The father is not in the picture. She does not know the identity of her father, and she doesn’t care to find out. All she knows is that when she asked her mother about her father when she was younger, she started crying. With her face in her hands, she glared at Milka through her fingers, and Milka quickly went invisible. For that, Milka chose to stay quiet and forget he ever existed. 

It wasn’t always bad with her mother. Milka remembers times when she could be visible around her. There was her fourth birthday party. There was a small group of kids, and her mom didn’t seem upset. She even smiled. That’s the year Milka got her cat, who, much to Milka’s delight, can see her when she’s invisible, and Milka is later adept at turning her pet invisible.

Definitely a cat person. Has multiple cats over the course of her life. She grieves the passing of each one because she had a close connection with all of them.

 I think she crushes hard and fast. This first happened with Quentin, who’s nice to everyone, but he went out of his way to make her feel included. This evoked a special feeling in Milka, the feeling of being wanted, so she started following Quentin via invisibility, hoping to get closer to him (as she would for her mother). But Quentin isn’t interested in romance, already crushing on Kitty, and he’d rather stay as friends. (He was also a bit weirded out by Milka constantly staring at him or lingering without saying a word.) This did upset Milka, fully aware that Kitty was using him, and she set out to use her ability to dump Kitty’s expensive makeup in the lake. And Kitty can’t sue her because there’s no proof she did it.

MIlka isn’t as shy or anxious as she appears. She knows what she wants. She also knows who she wants to be seen by. If she doesn’t want to listen to Vernon’s stories or be caught by him, she’s turning invisible and rushing away. If she wants to eavesdrop, she’ll stand still and be invisible to Elka as she rants about Nils to Crystal, Phoebe, or Dogen. She’s a great lurker, and she likes having control by suddenly reappearing when no one is anticipating her.

Sometimes, it isn’t out of malice. She does prefer staying invisible. It makes her feel comfortable and even wanted. Chloe especially doesn’t mind, believing it’s just part of who Milka is. Milka really appreciates Chloe’s friendship, and they have a strong trust in each other. They can also climb trees really together, with Milka challenging Chloe to contests over who can climb faster or higher, and Chloe isn’t one to say no! (They’re both shocked when Mirtala effortlessly beats them when she comes to camp.)

Milka helped Mirtala see if she was psychic during her time at camp. (Milka did not return to camp a week after PN2, and she met her next year during the first summer session.) While Chloe theorized upon Mirtala’s hidden potential, Milka has more practical solutions such as concentrating really hard on an acorn and trying to move it. She had to stop Mirtala before she could give herself a bad headache when she concentrated way too hard. Mirtala suspects she’s psychic on account that Mirtala always seems to be able to find her general location when she is invisible. 

She has the power of foresight, but it’s unstable. They happen very rarely, unlike Elka’s persistent visions (which still come on at random, but at least Elka knows that they are a possibility). When they happen, she has terrible seizures. Her body will flail, and she’ll begin speaking out what is happening (i.e. stating the words that are being said by the person involved in the vision), which sometimes means she’s speaking a different language. She’s later prescribed anticonvulsants.

Her true love really, really, REALLY is Elton. She was convinced it was Quentin, but that fateful vision changed her life. What she saw was pure delight, a future filled with happiness. They were on the sea enacting out Jack and Rose’s moment on the bow. The sea was wide and blue, melting into the sky. It was in that moment Milka understood freedom, the vastness of the world, and joy bursting in her chest. With Elton, she had fallen in love.

And she stated it so bluntly to him. She skipped the dating stage and went right with her loving proclamation. Elton was fast to accept her, too, so they jumped into their relationship with their heads in the clouds, and their eyes set on each other, and they never left.

She has a really gentle relationship with Elton’s mom. She’s a very keen woman, and she can tell that Milka’s home life has been rough. So, she always treats her sweetly. She gifts her things her mother never would. She takes her shopping when she’s come to visit, sometimes across the country. And she never mistreats her, never wants her gone, and Milka feels at home with her and Elton.

MIlka grows up to be one of the best spies for the Psychonauts. Her exterior might seem reserved and shy, but she’s a firecracker. She can trail an enemy for days without them ever realizing she’s right next to him. Milka’s never suffered a single scar with her talent in invisibility. She goes in, stealths about, and returns to the Motherlobe with the needed information. (And then she stalks off to ignore her paperwork or foist it upon a poor intern).

JT helps her out when he can as a kid, but sometimes, she shows up in his family’s barn to chill out. She chats with the stray cats who hang out there, too. The Hoofburgers are aware Milka is around and give her dinner if she wants to stay the night, but sometimes, she leaves without telling them to make it back home. It is worrying for JT, but she insists she’s fine, and they remain good friends.

She keeps her “Jennifer Aniston” hairstyle when she’s older lol.

Mirtala

“But Rose she’s not a camper-” YET!! Right after PN2, my belief is that she wants to go to Whispering Rock. Problem is, she isn’t psychic. While Frazie joins the intern program, Mirtala pleads her case to Oleander of all people. She really wants to meet new kids, especially psychics, having grown up mostly in the shadows of her siblings. While they’re able to connect with others so easily, she isn’t. She’s a bundle of sunshine and energy, but she’s had trouble maintaining friendships because her family is always on the move, so her longest “friends” are her siblings. Oleander sees how camp can help her, deciding it’d also be in her best interest to attend to see if she has any psychic potential laying dormant. Augustus and Donatella agree, though Donatella is more reluctant as she’s worried about the many miles that will be between her and her little Tala. (in addition to this, hollis would like to make amends with donatella for threatening to burn their caravan, so she personally approves of mirtala attending camp for one summer session whenever she can - free of charge! it's an olive branch that donatella does appreciate.)

So, she joins Sasha, Milla, Oleander, Ford, and Lucy to camp the following week after PN2. Mirtala is less than happy to know Ford will be with her Nona, so she made a show of sticking close to her and glaring at "the bacon man” whenever he tried coming close. She hasn’t forgiven Ford for what he did to her family (and she still has a little trouble understanding it all), and it’s going to take a long time for her to warm up to him. In the meantime, she’s glaring at him when Lucy isn’t looking (but Lucy is aware and simply smiles because MIrtala is her sweet little turnip who can do no wrong!)

Mirtala isn’t psychic as a child. To attend classes, the counselors pulled her into their minds using their own abilities. Mirtala, however, breezed through Basic Braining using her acrobatics. She even finished before a few other Tender Brains, much to Oleander’s pleasant shock. She wears her Basic Braining merit badge with pride! He thinks she’s a real promising agent!!

She has a very keen intuition. She seems to know where everyone is just by her gut feeling. Oleander had speculated that she is psychic, setting up with Sasha a secret test to find out if she could sense them, which after a few bits of trial and error, she was able to look in the direction where Oleander was using invisibility. Later findings would note that Mirtala was able to detect Milka, when none of the other kids could. (This is based on how Raz said sibling detection could be a psychic power and on the cut dialogue where Augustus and Donatella send her out to find Nona)

Though, intuition isn’t a psychic ability. Mirtala would later find out she is psychic when she’s an adult, but she’s an incredibly weak one. As in, she can barely levitate, barely lift anything, can only set small things on fire, etc. She has strong headaches if focusing for too long and nosebleeds if she goes overboard. But she uses brief pushes of her powers to help with her acrobatics, such as controlling ribbons of water, as she decides to stay with the circus as the new Prima Donna - though, her mom is still around. (She can go into a state of subconscious control if over-exerted where she has much more technical prowess based on instinct, though this last a short period and only activates if in a flight-or-fight situation.)

At home, she was the peacekeeper among her siblings. She often tried to soothe fights between her older siblings, sometimes utilizing her tears if things were going south. She’s incredibly close with Raz, so it hurt her very hard when he ran away. She blamed herself for getting mad when he fiddled with her tiara during that fateful performance. She puts her feelings secondary when trouble brews among the Aquatos (sibling spats, arguments between Augustus and Raz over psychics, etc), so she keeps practicing her acrobatics to bring smiles to their faces, especially Nona, and keep everyone together.

But at camp, she gains a sense of freedom. She always put her family first. She might’ve been the star, but she stayed quiet and to herself, often overshadowed by the others. (This isn’t meant to come out as neglectful - the Aquatos love Mirtala, but she put them first over herself). At camp, she doesn’t need to worry about anything, and she can be herself and FINALLY make long-lasting friends!!

And speaking of friends, she wants to be everyone’s pal! It makes her an oddball at the camp with cliques. The first kid she met was Bobby, who stayed at camp during the break period (his foster family didn’t want him anymore). He wasn’t nice at first, but Mirtala made it her mission to befriend him…by following him around. She wouldn’t leave! They were the only kids for that weekend, so Mirtala bounced after him and even got to have a tea party with him…after she eagerly went through what happened at the Motherlobe, in which Bobby learned Maligula was her great-aunt (and also she’s that stupid gogglehead’s sister!! Which means he’s also related to Maligula!! Awful!! They even have a powerful psychic in their lineage, so he’s a little jealous and a little fearful because Lucy gives him this knowing smile all, ‘I know you want to be mean to my little turnip, but my sea serpents will SEIZE you if you so much as pinch her.’)

They end up having a tea party together. He’s so thankful no one was at camp while Princess Prima Donna and Boo-Boo the Clown had scones, but he was willing to gossip about the upcoming kids with her, so Mirtala had a good idea of who she’d be dealing with by the time they showed up. She followed after him a lot during their time alone because she wanted him to play with her, and he kept giving in because “FINE!! FINE. just stop JINGLING.” She purposefully jingled her bells more afterward.

“Oh! Boo-Boo! You have that eye condition! It’s, ummmm…heterophobia!” “Yeah, I got heterophobia. What of it?” “I think it’s neat!” (He thinks that’s the actual world until he tells Chloe his condition, and she drops her telescope, wide-eyed.)

As for the other kids, she made an enemy out of Kitty but simultaneously ended her legal reign over the camp. She bumped into her and spilled orange juice all over Kitty’s white cashmere jacket in front of everyone in the lodge during lunch. She was so furious that she SCREAMED, “My dad is going to sue your family until they’re six feet under!” The other kids tried to intervene, but Mirtala wasn’t deterred in the slightest. In fact, she calls Kitty stupid to her face, and the campers lapse into silence.

“You’re stupid! Your dad can’t sue me. I’m a kid. He’d have to sue my parents, but the lawsuit would be thrown ‘cause it’s frivolous. Also, we weren’t looking at each other when we collided ‘cause we were both distracted. That’s negligent on your part, Kitty. The court would throw this case out in a jiffy.”

Kitty is stunned. Franke is stunned. Everyone is stunned. Mirtala frequently listens when Donatella works on any legal paperwork when the Aquatos are sued for mishaps at the circus, so she filed away the lessons her mom imparted. She might not fully get the history with her family, but she learned a lot from Donatella and the legal world. She’ll inherit the circus one day, so it’s on her shoulders to keep it in tiptop legal shape!

This was a catastrophic event for Kitty because it made everyone realize ‘hey, she can’t actually sue us into oblivion no matter what legal jargon she says’ so her arrowhead scalping scheme is tarnished, and no one takes her seriously anymore (unless she’s trying to hypnotize them). And she can’t do ANYTHING about it because Lucy has made it very clear, VERY CLEAR that no harm shall befall her little turnip. (She calls Mirtala ‘Dirty Mirty’ because of the former ‘water curse’ but Mirtala doesn’t take her seriously at all. She calls her smelly right back because “You’re using perfume to hide your BO!”) 

Aside from making enemies out of Kitty and Franke, she tried to make tons of friends! Dogen was an obvious friend! He told her what the squirrels were thinking, and she’d use him as a jumping board until he told her to stop messing with his special hat. Sometimes, she’d get bored with him because he isn’t the best conversationalist. Dogen often wandered offin the middle of her performance, and she’d stare at the spot where he stood all >:/. They’re better friends as teens because Dogen is able to come out of his shell a little more.

Mikhail thought she’d be a fun challenge until she said he had really skinny arms all innocently. She crushed his spirit that day, but it was back the next day when he tried sneak attacking her…only for Lucy to get involved. Mikhail was like, “Oh?? Well, I accept your challenge-!” He gets snapped up by a sea serpent. He was left staring gobsmacked at the sky while Mirtala giggled.

As for JT, she thinks he’s cool, which is just as Raz saw him! She kept complimenting him as he practiced his PSI blasts and played his harmonica. I think she’d have a tiny little crush on him, but JT is NOT interested in a relationship, so it fades pretty quickly.

Phoebe was a curious case! Phoebe saw this new kid and wanted to give her therapy. Much to her pleasant surprise, Mirtala accepted! No one accepts because her advice is, hm, decent at the best. When Mirtala goes in-depth about her past, she starts tearing up because it’s been a lot on her shoulders, and Phoebe really tries her best to help Mirtala understand what she’s feeling.

But her most special friend at camp is Chloe! She was so excited to meet her the most because of how Bobby described her. She’s going into the friendship truly believing Chloe is this super smart, super cool alien from another galaxy.

“You’re Chloe!” “I am” “Boo-Boo told me so much about you! Like how you make stuff! And how you’re an alien! That’s so cool!” And Chloe immediately looks at him. He’s stammering something, but she gives her attention back to Mirtala because it seems this creature accepts that she;s an alien, which must mean that Mirtala is also an alien due to her enormous eyes, tiny hands, and characteristics belonging to the Zwickians

They become very good friends!! Mirtala is invested in helping Chloe reach her people, and Chloe wants to learn everything she can about Zwickians, so they spend a ton of time together. Mirtala’s support is something that’s different from Bobby’s. While he’s more passive and accepting to anything Chloe says, Mirtala is quick to offer her own solutions, and her perspective is something Chloe enjoys because it’s a new form of knowledge.

She teaches Chloe acrobatics! Her helmet kind of gets in the way, but Chloe concedes that the earth toxins won’t hurt her if it’s only momentarily, so Mirtala is the first camper to see Chloe’s face up close. Mirtala calls her cute reflexively, and Chloe is pleasantly surprised. They also share hair accessories!!

They’re involved when they’re teens, but it’s mostly casual, kind of like what Franke and Kitty have at camp. Hand-holding, not trying to be serious, like a romantic friendship. The distance is an issue, and sometimes, they have dramatic break-ups because of misunderstanding (Mirtala was so upset when Chloe said she wouldn’t love her if she was a worm!!), but they support each other through thick and thin. Mirtala and Chloe have done the MadoHomu head nuzzling gif. Milka is doesn’t see it because she’s currently doing the MadoHomu head nuzzling gif with Elton.

And speaking of Milka, she, Chloe, and Milka are the weird little girls of Whispering Rock! Causing trouble! Making Kitty mad! Throwing her stuff in the lake while Chloe stands guard!!

Also, she’s friends with Linda! Linda has a special bond with most of the kids who returned to camp. But with Mirtala (and Chloe and Bobby, who she’s deemed powerful alien children), Linda takes them down to explore the depths of Lake Oblongata.

She can roll her r’s really well! She and Benny are experts at it.

She and Chloe have The Bachelor/The Bachelorette nights when they’re grown and living together. Bobby does everything in his power to not be home when they’re watching it because they get intense about the show. Milka occasionally joins!

She might not be a Psychonaut as an adult, but she sometimes tags along to be a distraction with Chloe and Bobby! She has her own circus act with Bobby as her “assistant” (unwilling, help him) while Chloe does her spy stuff.

she and raz are EXTREMELY CLOSE!!!!! do not separate. "i'm raz!" "and i'm tala!" THE BOBBY BOTHERERS.

Ni

Oh, Nils, what is there to say about you? Most consider him to be the worst camper due to his “less than savory” ways toward the girls, which is completely understandable. I headcanon him as having grown up in a pretty upper-middle class way. He’s living a very comfortable life, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect.

His parents had Nils very young, and they married shortly after. They’re in a perpetual honeymoon state, so sometimes, Nils is a bit secondary to them when they want to have fun, BUT that doesn’t mean they don’t love him. They just want to have a lot of date nights, so sometimes, they just aren’t home and leave him with a babysitter.

Nils’ mom can be described as the one meme where the woman says “not now sweatie mommy is cyberbullying.” She likes to have time for herself and go out with her gal pals. As for his dad, he’s very much a Silicon Valley type of guy. He wants Nils to be the best he can be and also try to not get in trouble because he doesn’t want their family to have a bad connotation. It’s a little bit of pressure on Nils, but his dad hopes it will give Nils a greater sense of purpose.

It does not. In fact, it kind of has the opposite effect. Nils’ needs really aren’t met by his parents. It’s not a huge case of neglect compared to Bobby or Milka, but Nils isn’t really getting what he feels he needs, and there’s a rift between himself and his parents. It’s not an unlovable rift, as his parents really are trying to give Nils what they think is best for him, but again, it’s not what he really needs. (To clarify, they do spend time with Nils. They go on vacations and shower Nils with gifts. His mom is involved at his school. His dad brings Nils to his job, but there’s an emptiness inside Nils.)

So, Nils seeks affection outside of his parents. Hence, where his flirtations with girls starts to become more prevalent. He thinks being in a relationship will be great. He’s definitely seen too many R-rated movies, and he has, unfortunately, been influenced by those films. It’s a classic case of “way too young to be seeing this.”

Around the same time, his psychic powers developed. It happened one year before canon, with his power of clairvoyance being a staple of who he is. Seeing how others saw him was a way for Nils to examine himself. He first checked himself through the eyes of his parents, and while he saw himself, he was dressed differently. For his dad, he was in his father’s clothes. For his mom, he was a wealthy businessman, ready to take on the world. They were thinking of his future, instead of his present.

That brings us back to how he seeks affection from others. He isn’t attracted to boys at all, and his feelings for girls are…extensive. He thinks he has to be a casanova to win their heart. He doesn’t want to trample on their feelings, so he goes at them one at a time, hoping to impress them. Most, however, are uninterested or are unaware he wants to date them. Lili and Phoebe rolls their eyes at him. Kitty takes Franke away, etc.

But then, there’s Elka Doom. He thought he hit the jackpot. To Nils, Elka was beautiful. She was sweet, and she liked being around him. She liked holding his hand and giving him kisses. It was the affection he wanted, and he found himself suddenly thrust in the middle of it. It boosted his confidence, thinking this was the way to win over girls (or at least, keep Elka as his summer fling because hey, she might be bossy and snooty, but she’s always giving him a meaningful look.)

So, when Elka hit him with a “so, I’ve seen us married in the future, and we’re destined to be together forever,” it scared the HELL out of him. First of all, Nils was way too young to hear that. He, after all, was only eight. He didn’t want commitment. He wanted fun! He wanted a girlfriend! Not a wife! He broke up with her in a messy way, leading him to realize Elka hadn’t really taken care of his needs. He figured another girlfriend would, leading him to pursue others while she blamed him for the break-up, her cryptic warnings that they would meet constantly still in his head. 

Nils doesn’t exactly change his ways as he grows up. His relationships with women are superficial as a teen, but he does have a few good friends. Crystal is always nice to him, and he doesn’t really want to date her after a few years. Clem is chill with him, and his poker face gets so much better as the years go on. Nils ends up losing to him more often than it’s worth to play cards with him. He doesn’t have many close friendships with the teen!campers, but he has friends outside of the Motherlobe and the Psychonauts.

He’s a great surfer! He’s grown up by the beach, so he really likes getting out in the sunshine and hitting the waves.

Like Kitty, he does want to be presentable, so he indulges in high-end clothing. He tries wearing suits as a teen, but people just made fun of him at HQ, so he ditched them for his surfer-esque clothes. Not the best choice in attire to wear in a colder climate!

and i just didn't get to the rest! but i jotted down soe tidbits about them!

Phoebe’s mentor is Morris. She knew him from when she reached out to him to premiere the Firestarters on KLOB a week after PN2.

Both Phoebe and Quentin are DBZ fans are kids. She likes Gohan. She wants to give him therapy so, so, sooo bad.

Phebe takes anti-anxiety medication whenshe's older.

quentin isn't a psychonaut, but he a traveling dj! phoebe joins him for gigs as she chose to become a therapist for the psychonauts

quentin smokes weed as an older teen like that one image of ralsei

d'art is still in that damn outhouse (jk - he's friend with clem and crystal when they happen upon him scurrying through camp, and they all make the mgs ! noise when they see each other)

vernon is a master storyteller, and he's a published author! it's given him a pretty big chip on his shoulder since he proved them all wrong.

[respectthepetty]

i love the way your brain works it is so incredibly fascinating and awe-inspiring

(also you’re so right we DO deserve a pink baby. and he SHOULD be giant)

@ciaraloves, thank you! My friends like my brain too, which is why I don't watch anything with them, ever.

I watch a majority of shows and films at a quicker speed and on mute which doesn't go over well with my friends, but even when I do watch at a normal speed with the sound on, at some point, my friends start watching me rather than the thing we are supposed to be watching.

For example, way back in 2009, I went on a date to see The Princess and the Frog, and after the date, I commented that I really liked that Charlotte was pink coded.

My date was hella confused, so I explained how smart it was to code pretty princess Charlotte as the stereotypical feminine pink only for her to look at me like I was crazy, then to say I "was thinking too deep about a kid's movie" so I responded that kid's movies had more depth than she did because how could she not notice that Charlotte was EFFING PINK!

Basically, the date went downhill quickly, but, surprisingly, we are still friends . . .

who do not watch movies together.

Because at this point, all my friends know my brain is functioning differently than most people's when I'm watching something, so they either think it's a magic trick that they want to see me perform or they get annoyed that I'm clearly pouting about something only I would think is important while they are having the time of their life.

So now that I have the idea in my head that God *should* be pink in Monster Next Door, I need him to be pink.

And because I want Ever 9's favorite color to be pink in Anti Reset, it now must be pink.

Because if not, I will throw a fit in my little corner of the universe over something no one else cares about but me.

So . . . yeah. Thanks for saying you like my brain.

Because sometimes my behavior is atrocious.

#the colors mean things #probably only to me #color coded people in love #who only I recognize #I appreciate the appreciation #but sometimes I'm a pill

[paraliveimaginesblog]

Can I ask for 5 (family prompt) + Anne Faulkner? plss

Anne Faulkner:

“Do not dress them like that!”

“Eh, why not?” Anne gave an innocent little head tilt, like they weren’t about to dress your child in the most atrocious outfit with clashing patterns you’d ever seen in your life. They were always dressed so impeccably beautiful you thought that your baby would match (and sometimes Anne did pick out matching outfits) but it looked like they’d picked through the closet blind to find it for today.

“Anne… Please. Just pick the pants or shirt and match the rest of the outfit to that—”

“But I let them pick their own outfit!” Anne responded proudly, holding up your partially dressed baby who babbled excitedly when they saw you. They were as soft and angelic looking as your spouse, their big eyes blinking up at you innocently as you took them from Anne’s arms to hold them. “I just wanted to see if they’d pick something out and they totally did! We should respect their choices, shouldn’t we?”

“They’d choose anything put in front of them, I suspect… Although I do think their favorite color is red.” Like Anne’s lipstick when they went out to work, but you didn’t say that; your child had always giggled maniacally when Anne left a big red kiss mark on their head before leaving for work, waving happily like you weren’t going to have the fight of your life cleaning off their little forehead.

“I think so too. I just wanna make sure we’re… I just want to know that we’re thinking about them and what they want to wear, you know?” A much deeper-seated issue, as you suspected, but you didn’t tend to push when it came to the topic. You had seen the fear written all over Anne’s face as you waited for your baby to arrive, so scared that they’d screw something up, that they’d have a complicated relationship with their own child that paralleled the one they still had with their mother.

One who had still yet to meet her grandbaby.

“…Fine, they can wear the outfit. I hear one damn comment from Hajun and I’m scuffing up his pretty boy shoes.”

“I fully support that!” Anne held their arms out and beckoned for their baby to be returned, the excited babbling starting up again as they were transferred into their other parents loving arms. Anne nuzzled the top of their head, feeling their soft little baby hairs, the way their chunky hands grabbed at their shirt and narrowly avoided yanking at their hair. “Lets get you dressed!”

If there’s one thing you could be certain of, it’s that Anne would always take your child’s feelings into account, whether they understood their choices or not.

#Paradox Live #Paralive #Paradox Live Imagines #Paralive Imagines #Paradox Live x Reader #Paralive x Reader #Anne Faulkner #Anne Faulkner x Reader #Scenario #Parenting Prompts

[gooneygull]

I do not know how to grieve.

I do not know how to grieve. 

I knew this the day I stared at my great aunt’s corpse. She looked asleep, as most corpses do, and I acknowledged her death with the same mundanity of the newspaper being tossed into the recycling bin or my dad turning the TV off. I knew what death meant; there was no confusion to me. It was just a simple fact: everyone dies, just like how my hot chocolate gets cold if I leave it on the dining room table for too long.

I took a white rose from her bouquet to bring back to my family, sitting solemnly in the front row. My grandmother was aghast and grabbed me, demanding that I put the rose back. She bemoaned curses and hauntings, and I couldn’t understand why that was so bad. After all, didn’t she want her aunt to stay with us? My dad, as amused as ever, gently took the rose from my hand. He led me back up to the coffin, and we placed it on her chest, on top of the rosary forever clutched in her hands. 

Later, I asked him why it was so bad if my aunt stayed and haunted us forever. My dad had laughed loudly, and said that death would change you. The people you love aren't meant to stay with you forever, and people – despite all their words about evolving and acceptance – want things, people, to remain unchanged. I remember nodding despite my confusion, and him giving me a knowing look. He referenced The Walking Dead and told me that when he died, I should stuff his corpse like he was a taxidermy deer and place him in the corner of our bedroom. He will remain unchanged, standing in the corner of the room, and that will be his last kindness to us. I rolled my eyes, and the conversation ended. There were no more talks of taxidermized fathers or ghoulish aunts taking up space in our home. 

When my dad died, I remember feeling nothing. In retrospect, I was far more distressed at the sight of him in the hospital bed, alive but unresponsive. I had tried to wake him up, like I did every time he decided to nap in the most inconvenient places (specifically the nice spot on the couch that got the most sunlight in the afternoon), but I couldn’t rouse him from this type of sleep. I tried regardless. He died a few hours later, without any of us by his side. 

I was playing Minecraft when I learned of his death. My mother came out into the living room, haggard, and confirmed my assumptions. I paused my game, let myself be held, and allowed my mother and sister to cry. I didn't feel like crying then, and after a couple hours, I returned to my game. I fed my wolves and cats, and went back to collecting wood to build my house.

I attended his wake in my favorite yoga pants and old blue shirt. I didn't own a black formal outfit and didn't really understand why I would need one. After all, my dad was lying dead in his sky-blue coffin in a t-shirt in the most atrocious shade of neon yellow I had ever seen. I cited this to my grandmother, who spoke briskly about respecting my elders, and left me feeling more confused. My dad hated neutral and dark colors, I was simply dressing to his preferences. Wasn’t that showing my respect to him?

My mother took us every day to the wake, and I would amuse myself by memorizing his face and wrinkles. It was fascinating to see where my dad ended and where the corpse began. His veins were too prominent, his skin too transparent, and he usually snored when he slept like this. I placed a hand on him, and immediately recoiled. I thought back to his comments about wanting to be taxidermied upon his death, and believed for a second that my mother went through with his wishes. Its chest was too solid, and its skin was too cold. This was not the man I slept on top of every afternoon, or the one who woke up early every morning to cuddle me before we had to get ready for school. I didn't look at the corpse for the rest of the wake. 

I remember distracting myself by playing the piano, located to the left of the casket. The piano was situated to face the coffin, but thankfully, it was too tall for me to see over. I didn't know what I was playing, but there was a need to break the somber silence. I played major chords, which were reminiscent of his pop songs that he loudly sang every morning. I stayed there, hitting the keys with a numbness I couldn’t describe.

My cousins pulled me away shortly after their arrival, and I busied myself with hugs and condolences and Kingdom Hearts. I sat to the right of the damned open casket and was just able to make out the top of his bandana. I fought the urge to snatch it from the corpse and place it back in his drawers where it belonged.

When they closed the coffin, I felt my heart wrench. For the first time, I was struck with an unbelievable feeling of dread and pain. I wanted to scream and cry, and to fight off every priest with their stupid ringing incense and calm voices. I wanted to shake my dad awake, to tell him this was a horrible prank, and that I was sorry for giving him a hard time about kissing him goodbye earlier that week. I wanted to call him dramatic for this frankly extreme reaction to me complaining about how affectionate he was, that I wouldn’t interrupt his naps anymore, that I'd never laugh at his middle name again if he would just wake up. In the span of a few seconds, the coffin clicked shut, and every piece of me shattered at once. 

My mother said that I should have said my goodbyes before they closed the coffin. 

Click.

I should have said "I love you" before I shut his car door that morning.

My dad died on a Saturday, and it was just that. I didn’t grieve, not like how others might’ve grieved, and I moved on without him. I missed him though, I missed him horribly, but I felt no sadness in the way my family described theirs. I pretended not to notice the stares and whispers, and refused to put effort into deciphering any of them. If anyone asked, I missed the consistency and the routine. I did not grieve.

It boiled over on a Tuesday, nearly three years later. The breakfast and dinners my mother prepared didn't taste the same. She burned the eggs and bread that my dad would always make perfectly. She refused to put Vienna sausages and hard-boiled eggs in my chocolate oatmeal because she thought it was gross. There was no breakfast for dinner, no adobo or sinigang waiting for me after my mid-afternoon nap. In my frustrations, I left the dining room table, went to the bathroom, and sat on the sink, just like how I used to when my dad and I were getting ready for bed. 

The only thing keeping me company now is the hum of the fluorescent lights and the shaky rumble of the overhead fan.

I don’t remember anything other than the waves of dread, the rage at the unfairness, and the feeling of loneliness. Every memory rushed forth at once, and in clear, horrible detail, I watched my dad die again in front of my eyes.

 I left the bathroom silently, and grabbed his jacket, and wished it still carried the smell of his cologne. I cried into the ugly stuffed turtle he gave me and wished that it was me that died, or my mother, or anyone other than him that had to go. 

Grief made its home in my ribs, bashing against my heart and lungs, attempting to shatter what remained of me into smaller and smaller pieces. I fell into a restless sleep, wishing more than anything that these past few years were nothing more than a bad dream. I wished I was just sleeping in the back of his red truck, being soothed by the sound of his singing as he drove us down the highway near the Pacific Ocean. Any time now, I would wake up to him picking me up to carry me back to our home that overlooked the sea.

There will come a day when I will be older than he will ever be. I stood on his grave, taller than him now, and felt grief curling against my bones once more. I stared at his gravestone, with eyes like his, and wondered if he had to feel this grief too when his brother, my namesake, died far too soon. 

I offered a quiet hello, and wrinkled my nose at the amount of goose feces littering his grave. He once complained about all the crap we had laying around the bed, and if I was in a brighter mood, I might’ve cracked a joke about him being a hypocrite.

I don’t know how to grieve, and I don’t know how to cope with it.

But as I’m staring at my dad’s grave, over ten years later, I’m beginning to think I’m starting to learn.

I’m starting to learn.

#essays #prose #grief #longing #my writing #original work #death cw #funeral cw

[willkimurashat]

Exactly 0 people asked, but here I am anyway with a rating of Love Island The Game: Ex in the Villa lol!

As you’ve probably noticed, I played each volume as it came out, did not read the spoilers. I always loved litg for giving me escapism from reality I so much craved because it was a fun, problem-free game, where I was the center of attention in a good way, and pixels loved me unconditionally. That is until s5 rolled up. I was really excited about it, even though still not over s4 because they released it so close to each other, but nonetheless wanted to give it a fair go. I was very open to the story and the characters, but about half way through, I just could not defend them anymore. It wasn’t a good time anymore, it was a “how will fusebox piss me off today” time. Anyways, maybe this whole collective trauma of s5 is still very fresh in my mind, and I won’t think it’s so bad as time goes on, but here’s my thoughts on it now.

Disclaimer: All of these are obviously just my subjective, humble opinion - feel free to agree or disagree or add your own:) and if you’d like to use these categories for your own ratings - please, by all means!

Also, potential spoilers ahead:)

So. Let’s break it down into some categories…

Character design: 7/10

This is just my personal taste I guess, but they really went off with Suresh and Gabi. Meera and Johnny made me swoon too. The rest look aight, but I think slight tweaks like aligning Finn’s jaw or Kat’s eyes or making her hair less high up, stuff like that - it would really help. Also, never forget the atrocious outfits (I mean, rubber duckies? Really? The stupid hat? The abominable sandals?? Ugh…)

Character personality: 7/10

I’m probably being too generous, but I do feel like everyone had a distinct personality and a “role” in the villa. Now, where they annoying most of the time? Yes. Were they mean to MC? Also yes, but that’s a completely different point. Did we really get to know anyone or was it mostly just conversations about how Suresh would feel if MC went for someone else and vice versa? I’ll let you answer that one… Disclaimer: MC not included here, she’s an outlier and would skew the score too much.

Character diversity: 4/10

We got some range of characters, but where they done well? Starting with not specifying ethnicities of every single mixed race islander on their applications, perpetuating stereotypes about characters of color and abuse, making them toxic, continuing to make woc villains of the story… LGBT characters being all over the place and, again, villains/unlikeable… Yeah, do better fusebox.

MC design: 6.5/10

My first impression when I saw mc was… not the greatest. My second impression when I played the game - better, but not great. I think my main issue is some expressions, which are just not.. it… I appreciate that they made a curvier body type option, but the face just looks a bit off anyway? Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely potential and so many people were able to make them look hot, but my mc? Idk, can’t help but think that something’s off with her every time I look at her:/ (I figured out who my mc reminds me of btw!)

MC personality: 1/10

It really is a 0, but again, I’m being generous. 16 volumes, 42 episodes and we know absolutely nothing about them. What do they like? Who’s their type? What’s their passion in life? What makes them, well, them? Who is mc? A hologram. A cardboard cut out that only has three preprogrammed comments: yes/no/i don’t know.

MC customization: 5/10

I think overall, the customization was alright and I was pretty much able to make mc look like me, but that being said, I’m a white girl, so I’m privileged enough to not have to run into problems like having ethnic hair gem blocked… And again, I like the curvy body type option, (though it’s still kinda limited), but we still can’t have a choice of feminine/masculine presenting bodies, which I don’t think is too much to ask for (they do it on Lovelink for example). And the outfits… granny fashion and shattered glass bikini? Please just.. let’s just move on.

Challenges: 5/10

The idea for challenges was quite good. Who doesn’t love an obstacle challenge, a snog, marry, pie, a heart racing challenge, or kiss the islander with ___ secret? I know I do! No, we didn’t get the baby challenge or the mean tweets, but it was still a good selection of challenges. However, they were written so… dryly? (Is that a word? It feels like it’s not, but it is now lol.) Anyway, just like the rest of the season, it’s three lines of dry textbook text that just didn’t excite me in the slightest. I read textbooks for grad school every day, I want creative writing in a romance game pretty please! I didn’t feel like I was actually there, doing the challenge. I didn’t care if I won the challenge either because there were no prizes for them anyway and no one-on-one time with our li’s, so… Good idea, poor execution:/

Drama: 3/10

E X C E S S I V E and U N C A L L E D F O R. Of course, it made sense that in a season about Exes in the Villa the main drama will be about Exes in the Villa. I get it, trust me. But you would hope that the drama will get resolved, which in my opinion, it wasn’t. Or it didn’t feel like a satisfying resolution to me personally. It kept going in circles, “hear me out!” “I’m done apologizing!” “Maybe we are different people” “I’m gonna win you back” “How do you think Suresh would feel if…?” “How do you feel now that Suresh is with…?” And the ending was that he wanted to propose to you too, but because of miscommunication it didn’t happen, making this whole drama actually pointless. And that’s only Suresh drama, which if you’re not on his route is tiring, repetitive, and… boring?

Moving on, I wrote a lot of rants about Alfie drama, so I won’t go into it, you all know how I feel. Arlo was feisty with mc for no reason, especially if you constantly reject Suresh’s advances. Drastically changing Meera’s character to an insufferable bitch was unnecessary. Same with Johnny/Nicolas - there was no indication that they are terrible people during casa amor, and the evil master plans came out of nowhere, and only served to further hurt mc. Eddie as a villain was enough for me tbh, we didn’t need the whole villa ganging up on mc. Plus, we shouldn’t be the only ones with drama, I would like to have some fun time at least, thank you very much. Overall, I’m not saying this should be Friend Island - I’ve seen the show, I know how it goes and I know some drama can be absolutely ridiculous, but I just think it wasn’t balanced out at all. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t proportional. (Maybe I’m alone in thinking this, but I think s4 had a good balance of drama/friendships/romance, so it was still there, but it wasn’t overbearing.)

Relationships: 3.5/10

The only points here are for Lulu, honestly. And Gabi, but I might be biased lol. Okay, maybe also Alfie-Finn bromance, I’m a sucker for those. Friendship-wise, the whole season I felt alone and felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. Kat was going back and forth between being my friend and being my rival. Arlo had issues with me… why exactly? I’m honestly not sure… Dana was… just there? Her friendship entailed pulling me for a chat any time I wanted to have a conversation with my li and gossiping or asking for reassurance. Meera was nothing, but an insecure bitch to me. Eddie wanted nothing to do with me, until the very end we’re apparently all buddy-buddy and he’s spilling secrets to me. Don’t forget the blackmailing too. Finn was nice only in one (1) occasion, and that is during Snog, Marry, Pie. Alfie may have been a good friend, but I didn’t do that route with him. Lulu was the only one consistently kind and on mc’s side. Gabi was an interesting addition, it’s a shame we didn’t get to know her at all basically.

Romance-wise, again, felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. It was the first season where I just wasn’t interested in anyone romantically because I didn’t get to know anyone really, and most were horrible to me. When the first character designs dropped, I liked Suresh, then was let down. I liked Alfie, then was let down. I liked Johnny, then was let down. I liked Finn, then was let down. I liked Lulu, but the choice to pick Gabi was just too tempting, and guess what? Lulu didn’t let me down, even as just a friend. (I’m glad I picked Gabi in the end, but I still know nothing about her…) Nobody really wanted mc and mc couldn’t really have anyone either. I think there was a lot of wasted potential with li’s. Like, hear me out: Suresh - enemies to lovers, Alfie/Dana - loyal routes, Finn - slow burn, Kat - friends to lovers, Johnny/Nicolas - partners in crime, Lulu - last-minute-sweep-me-off-my-feet, Gabi - messy, peak drama choice (I mean, come on, two girls wronged by the same ex get together? It’s my favorite part of this whole season - literally why I picked her, and she’s actually a sweetheart:))

Recouplings: 2/10

I remember in s4, I felt like there were too many recouplings, so in s5 they went ahead and gave us the least recouplings possible. Only once (1) can you actually pick someone you want to be with throughout the whole time in the villa, throughout all 42 episodes, all 16 volumes - right at the very end (!!!), unless you also willingly chose to twist switch to someone after casa amor. My main issue is that the whole season can be considered pointless because you can basically never couple up with who you want, casa boys wrong you and leave you anyway, bringing us back to square one with 3 og guys that you might’ve tried to escape the whole time. Or, if you’re on a Suresh route, the whole pining angst, or even, the whole idea of going to love island was useless and pointless because even though neither of them really grow or change as people (sorry my Suresh lovelies, it’s just how i see it), they finally talk it out and make up anyway, so none of these 42 episodes really mattered. Yeah, it angers me.

Finale: 4/10

As contradicting as it may sound, I do believe the team took feedback regarding s4 finale into consideration. We got final dates, prom prep, prom, declarations of love, winner announcements, love vs. money, and even a special vip guest - all components needed for a successful finale, the climactic resolution of the season, right? Wrong. I can live with the sacrifice of afterparty (not that I would want to see anyone from this season ever again anyway), but it seems natural progression of the finale was also sacrificed for the sake of jam-packing everything into the last volume. The events felt like they were happening with a speed of light: recoupling-hideaway (ugh)-date-picking a dress-prom-declaration-winners-money/love. I may be sleep deprived, but this made me even more dizzy. And not even that, but the progression of the relationship felt anything, but natural - it was more of a fever dream, really. I like you, Gabi, I do, and you’re sweet and give me full attention, but other than the fact that you like tattooing and fear squirrels, I know absolutely nothing about you (besides the obvious, of course). So all the plastic rings flying around, “being exclusive” and ahem, a PROPOSAL felt, uh… rushed. This is not Vegas, we are not eloping, and I basically don’t know you, so why, oh why would that even be an option?

Moving on, the resolution of the season overall was quite lackluster. Finn never confronted Kat, continuing on with a perfect illusion of romance for her. Well done, Finn. Suresh leaves (if you’re not with him), and decides to let loose and go to Barbados, clearly indicating that he will resort back to his old ways. Nice. Alfie claims to have become a changed man, even appears regretful about things, but who’s to say if he really did change? A half-assed “we’re friends” speech from Kat really did nothing to me neither physically nor emotionally. Sooo… 16 volumes, 42 episodes later nobody learned anything, nobody admitted they were wrong, nobody really genuinely apologized, and nobody grew as a person. Yet again - the whole season was pointless. Add in the driest, most uninteresting writing and it was enough to leave me disappointed still.

We will not talk about Bobby. I refuse to talk about Bobby. That was not Bobby, he was not canon, it did not happen, and I will not accept any criticism.

Structure: 3/10

The only points here are for casa amor, and even that wasn’t done well (i have a post about it here somewhere). Starting with only 3 couples? Only what, like, 3 recouplings ever? Not a single beach hut moment? Not a single hideaway moment??? (No no, they cannot get away with a lackluster last minute “whatever, you can have your stupid hideaway” scene in the very end of the season) We’ve only been there for what feels like a week?? Are you kidding me? It seems we keep straying further and further away from the format of the actual show it’s meant to be based on and I don’t really like that tbh.

Storyline: 5/10

Tell you what, I was actually really intrigued when they first announced the theme of the season as “Ex in the Villa”. I remember people theorizing how they’re gonna handle it, who they’re bringing in, etc. But, a few episodes in I realized just how limiting it was to constrain the whole plotline to… just Suresh. All the conversations and all the drama got very-very redundant very-very quickly. The only redeeming quality was being able to pick Gabi. Check and mate. Oh, and Lulu. Lulu is my queen:) Here’s alternative ways they could’ve improved it: let players choose who their ex is from given characters; let our ex despise mc and mc despises them back in the beginning (enemies to lovers/enemies to besties); let all islanders be exes of other islanders (it won’t be love island the show anymore, but they weren’t really sticking to the format anyway, so); let mc have multiple exes in the villa (and then those two (or three?) exes fight for them); let players choose the reason why they’re exes.

Writing: 2/10

I’m kinda conflicted because I feel like it did get better, but it also got worse? Like, I appreciate using more of love island jargon and the conversations felt pretty natural, like real people would speak, you know? (But still, I can’t really speak to that, since I don’t live in the UK, my only exposure to different accents is through tv and videos.) But at the same time all conversations (75% of which are about Suresh and MC lol) felt so repetitive and so boring and it dragged on and on and on… and then you look back at the episode and realize that nothing’s happened and you didn’t learn anything about anyone. Character development was minimal, if there at all. Very little character depth, very limited background information. I’m not even going to mention mc… Spicy scenes were basically nonexistent and a massive downgrade from s4 (don’t even talk to me). And even in general, every scene was written so dry, so robotic, and so anticlimactic that it was just constant disappointment. The constant bullying from girls to wear expensive outfits was super annoying and unnecessary as well.

Update: I initially had a higher rating for writing, but after playing the finale, I had to cut it in half for the mere reason that I have reached my limit. The utter disrespect I felt when my eyeballs glanced over the screen and read “NSFW kiss” during a prom scene with Gabi was beyond something I could accept with understanding. Perhaps in some circumstances it could be an acceptable form of writing and communicating, but personally I considered the phrasing as a placeholder, instead of a legitimate description of such kiss. I believe if the company had at least the slightest respect for their players, they would and should do the bare minimum of proofreading the text before releasing it for satisfactory gaming experience. Unfortunately, I had to remove points for personal vindication and emotional damage, which is reflective of how I have been treated as a player.

Replayability: 2/10

Hmmm idk. Idk if I’ll ever replay this one. I never got too attached to characters or the storyline, maybe because they released it so soon after s4 and I wasn’t over that yet. And when I did feel a teeny tiny spark with a character, they went on and did something stupid/annoying/hurtful, so even if I did want to go back and do their routes, I feel like they hurt me and I don’t like them much anymore. The only way I mightttt replay it at some point is to just be a bitch to everyone from the beginning because they all deserve that, honestly…

Overall score: 4/10

Well, and that about wraps it up. I never had this many… negative emotions about a season - me, the person who always tells people to not compare seasons, give it a fair go, and not take it close to heart because it’s a game. I usually love burying my face in a pillow, giggling at my screen, and kicking my feet as pixels swoon over me, professing their undying love, but I was robbed of that this season, unfortunately. I’m definitely gonna miss the memes and the rants here every Wednesday, and being the sentimental ass that I am, I will actually feel kinda sad that it’s over. At the same time, this was the first season that I spent here, as an official member of the litg fandom lol, and I’m thankful to have made friends here, bonding over this season:) Thank you for reading my rants, agreeing with me, and offering your own insights and perspectives! I hope I was able to make you laugh a little bit too:) This season prompted me to write two fics (and maybe more to come) that I’m quite proud of, and it made me want to replay other seasons, so I guess there is some good that came out of it, right? ;) and since we didn’t get a traditional ending this season, in true litg fashion I’ll say it…

…Stay hydrated, islanders xoxo

#well i went off a little bit haha… #i tried to be objective:) #the ultimate rant lol #I’m not going away btw lol! #and if there’s s6 i’ll still play it… #litg #love island the game #litg s5 #litg eitv #litg ex in the villa #litg everyone #fusebox

[captain-astors]

L, R and S please? 💫

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.):

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED PROMPT SPECIFICATIONS, I WILL GIVE MYSELF AN ANEURYSM. It's not exactly a secret I get really uncomfortable when it comes to Kanou or any of the other... folks like that, but I will gladly acknowledge that he's a crucial and interesting part of the manga and plays the role of villain very well! He's multifaceted, capable of being a genuinely well-meaning person and also capable of completely setting aside all emotion to conduct his experiments. I love mad scientists, I love elderly characters that act kind of unhinged, and if it weren't for The Thing I'd probably love him.

Additionally, Tatara and Houji are actually higher up on my list of favorite TG characters, due largely to you, but I'll happily write something about them here regardless. I love their complimentary color schemes, Tatara's devotion to serving Eto and devotion to defeating Houji, both of which slowly consume him until his demise are fascinating. Houji's twisted sympathy towards ghouls, his reluctance to kill Takizawa despite knowing full-well the consequence, both of them just scratch my brain in a certain way you see.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?: The specification of "in fandom" definitely adds another element to this... I like the way the fandom treats Hori and Tsukiyama? If Ishida wasn't a coward and Shuu's character development stuck, I think they'd be my definite favorite friendship in canon as well. I also really like Kanae and Tsukiyama.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged): I like to think Hajime was an absolute menace when the Oggai weren't actively on duty. One adolescent with little to no concept of how to behave and hundreds of barely-sentient zombie children who take orders from him? Nothing is ending well.

Also because I know I can talk about Furutui to you without feeling like I'm unnecessarily dragging my odd little pairing into a post, I've said it before but I really think it's the mundane things mixed with the horror that keep them somewhat grounded. Riding the train back to their office while half-heartedly bickering over logistics, strategizing about eliminating ghouls from another district like they're in this for any reason that's nearly noble, talking over a too-large map with so many notes stuck to it that it's functionally unreadably to anyone but each other, washing liter after liter of blood out of their clothes and hair. There's an element of Furuta trying to uproot any of the stability it provides with terrible comments and awful plans he never intends to act upon unless it serves a purpose, but eventually Koori sort of figures that out. As dramatic as their atrocious relationship-not-relationship is, I really love thinking over the smaller things. They unintentionally end up learning quite a lot about each other, by simple nature of disliking the prospect of seeking out anyone else. Because at that time, from their point of view, who's there to ask anyways? And it doesn't matter how close they get, as long as they both agree they hate each other at the end of the day. That last part's just my own delusion but I like it anyways.

#furutui #miscellaneous not-art things #zeph answers questions about media/characters/ships