#this is a partial lie because i do remember being into andrew's face in the early 2010s | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wisdomrays · 3 years

Text

TAFAKKUR: Part 433

THE MAIN FACTORS IN THE SPREAD OF ISLAM: Part 2

A. J. Arberry has also pointed out that the reason for the spread of Islam is Islam itself and its religious values. (Aspects of Islamic Civilization, p.12)

He writes:

‘The rapidity of the spread of Islam, noticeably through extensive provinces which had long been Christian, is a crucial fact of history. The sublime rhetoric of the Qur’an, that inimitable symphony, the very sounds of which move men to tears and ecstasy…and the urgency of the simple message carried, holds the key to the mystery of one of the greatest catalysms in the history of religion. When all military, political and economic factors have been exhausted, the religious impulse must still be recognized as the most vital and enduring.’

Brockelman, who is usually very unsympathetic and partial, also recognizes the religious values of Islam as the main factor for the spread of Islam (History of the Islamic Peoples, p.37). Rosenthal makes his point as follows: ‘The more important factor for the spread of Islam is the religious Law of Islam (Shari‘a, which is an inclusive, all-embracing, all-comprehensive way of thinking and living) which was designed to cover all manifestations of life.’ (Political Thought in Medieval Islam, p.21).

Besides many other reasons which are responsible for the spread of Islam, it is the exemplary life-style and unceasing efforts of individual Muslims to transmit the message of Islam throughout the world which lie at the root of the conquest of hearts by Islam. Islamic universalism is closely associated with the principle of ‘amr bi’l-ma’ruf (enjoining the good) for Islam is to be spread by Muslims by means of ‘amr bi’l-ma’ruf. This principle seeks to convey the message of Islam to all human beings in the world and to establish a model Islamic community on a worldwide basis. The Islamic community is introduced by the Qur’an as a model community: We have made of you an Ummah justly balanced, that you might be witnesses (models) for the peoples, and the Messenger has been a witness for you (2.143). A Muslim or the Muslim community as a whole thus has a goal to achieve. This is the spread of Islam, conveying the truth to the remotest corner of the world, the eradication of oppression and tyranny and the establishment of justice all over the world. This requires the Muslim to live an exemplary life, and thus the moral and the ethical values of Islam have usually played an important part in the spread of Islam. Here follow the impressions of the influence of Islamic ethics on black Africans of a Western writer of the nineteenth century:

‘As to the effects of Islam when first embraced by a Negro tribe, can there, when viewed as a whole, be any reasonable doubt? Polytheism disappears almost instantaneously; sorcery, with its attendant evils, gradually dies away; human sacrifice becomes a thing of the past. The general moral elevation is most marked; the natives begin for the first time in their history to dress, and that neatly. Squalid filth is replaced by some approach to personal cleanliness; hospitality becomes a religious duty; drunkenness, instead of the rule becomes a comparatively rare exception chastity is looked upon as one of the highest, and becomes, in fact, one of the commoner virtues. It is idleness that henceforward degrades, and industry that elevates, instead of the reverse. Offences are henceforward measured by a written code instead of the arbitrary caprice of a chieftain–a step, as everyone will admit, of vast importance in the progress of a tribe. The Mosque gives an idea of architecture at all events higher than any the Negro has yet had. A thirst for literature is created and that for works of science and philosophy as well as for the commentaries on the Qur’an.’ (Quoted from Waitz by B. Smith, Muhammad and Muhammadanism, pp.42-43)

The tolerance of Islam is another factor in the spread of Islam. Toynbee praises this tolerance towards the People of the Book after comparing it with the attitude of the Christians towards Muslims and Jews in their lands. (A Historian’s Approach to Religion, p.246). T. Link attributes the spread of Islam to the credibility of its principles together with its tolerance, persuasion and other kinds of attractions (A History of Religion). Makarios, Orthodox Patriarch of Antioch in the seventeenth century, compared the harsh treatment received by the Russians of the Orthodox Church at the hands of the Roman Catholic Poles with the tolerant attitude towards Orthodox Christians shown by the Ottoman Government and prayed for the Sultans (T. Link, A History of Religion).

This is not the only example of preference by the followers of the religions for Muslim rule over that of their own co-religionist. The Orthodox Christians of Byzantium openly expressed their preference for the Ottoman turban in Istanbul to the hats of the Catholic cardinals. Elisee Reclus, the French traveller of the nineteenth century, wrote that the Muslim Turk allowed all the followers of different religions to perform their religious duties and rituals, and that the Christian subjects of the Ottoman Sultan were more free to live their own lives than the Christians who lived in the lands under the rule of any rival Christian sect (Nouvelle Geographie Universelle, vol. 9). Popescu Ciocanel pays tribute to the Muslim Turks by stating that it was luck for the Romanian people that they lived under the government of the Turks rather than the domination of the Russians and Austrians. Otherwise, he points out, ‘no trace of the Romanian nation would have remained,’ (La Crise de l’Orient).

The Muslims’ attitude towards the people they conquered is quite clear in the instructions given by the rightly-guided Caliphs: ‘Always keep fear of God in your mind; remember that you cannot afford to do anything without His grace. Do not forget that Islam is a mission of peace and love. Keep the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) before you as a model of bravery and piety. Do not destroy fruit-trees nor fertile fields in your paths. Be just, and spare the feelings of the vanquished. Respect all religious persons who live in hermitages or convents and spare their edifices. Do not kill civilians. Do not outrage the chastity of women and the honour of the conquered. Do not harm old people and children. Do not accept any gifts from the civil population of any place. Do not billet your soldiers or officers in the houses of civilians. Do not forget to perform your daily prayers. Fear God. Remember that death will inevitably come to every one of you some time or other, even if you are thousands of miles away from a battlefield; therefore be always ready to face death.’ (Andrew Miller, Church History; Ali lbn Abi Talib, Nahj al-Balagha)

A historical episode which Balazouri, a famous Muslim historian, relates, tells about how pleased the native peoples were with their Muslim conquerors is of great significance

When Heraclius massed his troops against the Muslims, and the Muslims heard that they were coming to meet them, they refunded the inhabitants of Hims the tribute they had taken from them, saying: ‘We are too busy to support and protect you. Take care of yourselves.’ But the people of Hims replied: ‘We like your rule and justice far better than the state of oppression and tyranny in which we were. The army of Heraclius we shall indeed, with your help, repulse from the city.’ The Jews rose and said: ‘We swear by the Torah, no governor of Heraclius shall enter the city of Hims unless we are first vanquished and exhausted.’ Saying this, they closed the gates of the city and guarded them. The inhabitants of other cities–Christians and Jews–that had capitulated did the same. When by God’s help the unbelievers were defeated and Muslims won, they opened the gates of their cities, went out with singers and players of music, and paid the tribute (Futuh al-Buldan).

To sum up, although most Western writers, under the instigation of biased Orientalists of the Church, have alleged that Islam spread by the force of the sword, the spread of Islam was because of its religious content and values, and ‘its power of appeal and ability to meet the spiritual and material needs of people adhering to cultures totally alien to their Muslim conquerors’, together with some other factors. Some of these factors are the tolerance which Islam showed to people of other religions, the absence of ecclesiastic orders and hierarchy in Islam, mental freedom and absolute justice which Islam envisages and has exercised throughout the centuries, the ethical values it propagates, and Islamic humanitarianism, universalism and brotherhood, and its inclusiveness. Sufi activities, the moral superiority of Muslim tradesmen, the principle of ‘enjoining the good’, and Islamic dynamism and the magnificence of the Islamic civilization contributed of their own to the spread of Islam.

The main religious qualities which attracted people to Islam were:

(i) the simplicity of the theological doctrines of Islam based on the Divine Unity;

(ii) rationalism of the Islamic teachings;

(iii) the complete harmony of the Islamic ideals and values with human conscience;

(iv) the inclusiveness and comprehensives of Islam, covering all aspects of physical, mental, and spiritual life of individuals and societies, hence the harmony of religion and life which it established;

(v) the lack of formalism and mediation;

(vi) the vividness, dynamism and resilience of the Islamic theology, and its creativity and universalism, and its compatibility with established scientific facts;

(vii) the cohesion and harmony of the Islamic principles, and

(viii) the shortcomings of other theological systems.

5 notes · View notes

hallmark-movie-fanatics · 4 years

Text

'Christmas Tree Lane': Alicia Witt & Andrew Walker on Finally Working Together

By Meredith Jacobs

Alicia Witt and Andrew Walker are very familiar faces to Hallmark fans, but until one of this year's "Miracles of Christmas" offerings, they had never met.

That changed with Hallmark Movies & Mysteries' Christmas Tree Lane, in which the two stars play a will-they-or-won't-they potential couple. Witt's Meg runs into Walker's Nate (and keeps running into him) before she learns he's partially why her music store may have to close; his company is seeking to redevelop Christmas Tree Lane. You can guess where the romantic complications comes in.

Here, Witt — who is also an executive producer and wrote an original song for the movie,Christmas Will Never End — and Walker preview their characters' journeys.

Introduce your characters. What's missing in their lives?

Alicia Witt: Meg's going through a period in her life where she's happy, but she senses that something is missing; not only someone special to share her life with, but also her music, which is a great big part of her soul and her spirit. She has long since stopped seeking a life where she's making music professionally or seeking to be a recording artist for a living. She gets great joy out of working with her students and running the family music store they've had for generations, but such a big part of her identity is composing and writing songs and putting those out, expressing herself in that way, and, when we first meet her, that's something she has squelched for quite a long time.

Andrew Walker: When you're met with similarities in your own life ... it's like this exorcism in a way. Nate is very similar to me in a lot of respects. He's constantly on the move, constantly got things happening, but he's been trying to find some sort of peace in his life, hence him moving back home. His dad and him have been working together. He's been going city to city, developing properties for his father. Kids in general have their issues from time to time with their parents and, in this respect, Nate and his father have butt heads for a long time. Nate is more creative. He's trying to find a new sense of what his norm would be, just trying to connect with himself and his family.

Then he's met with this challenge in trying to convince Meg this could be a good thing for her and her family, and also trying to appease his father. He's been a guy that's been on the run from facing reality and maturing, and [I'm] very similar. I feel like I only started maturing after the birth of my first child; I'm still on that journey. ... I do meditate now, and this is something Nate would probably be doing as well, just trying to be a better version of himself and, when he meets Meg, she is the catalyst to him being [that]. That's scary, when you meet somebody who has that much of an impact on your life.

What initially draws each to the other and keeps bringing them together, other than her friend playing matchmaker?

Witt: [Laughs] I'm just remembering how much fun we had filming those scenes with my friend just constantly shoving us together and vanishing. For Meg, a big part of this is what Andrew brought to the role of Nate and how he embodied him. It felt like there was some purpose Meg was aware of without even knowing exactly why. It seemed like she was supposed to be talking to this guy. The fact that they keep running into each other is meaningful enough. Meg, like me, is somebody that pays attention to coincidences that seem too strange to merely be a coincidence.

It's such a strange time, where her whole life as she knows it is about to change with Christmas Tree Lane having been sold and everything she grew up with seemingly about to shift, so it's true when she says, "I'm focused primarily on saving Christmas Tree Lane." But at the same time, this guy's coming in and causing her to feel inspired and alive in a way she hasn't allowed herself to in a few years, and the fact that's happening at the same time as all these other changes, her life is already so strange that it isn't any more strange to have this wonderful, new human that's shown up.

It is, for her, also very scary, and he's also opening that door for her to start creating again and feeling inspired. For myself, when I meet somebody and all of a sudden I can't stop coming up with ideas for songs that I know are largely about them, I know those are some big feelings coming up.

Walker: On Nate's side, being challenged in a relationship is the best place to be. When you're open to that challenge, to change, there's something there. My wife and I own a business, and she challenges me, but as reluctant as I am sometimes, I am open to that. When Nate does meet Meg, he doesn't really realize it, but she pushes him to be open and available and accessible, and that's scary for anybody.

Alicia, what did you specifically want to showcase with that original song?

Witt: I thought the most important thing for Meg to express though that song is this sense that, whatever the future holds, it's going to be alright and a large part of that has to do with Nate, and it's all tied into the history and the memories of Christmas Tree Lane: her whole life spent there, her family, her closest friends. But then there's this sense that this newness is now going to come in, and whether it continues on Christmas Tree Lane or elsewhere, he's going to be a part of future memories and in so doing that, he'll be a part of all the past memories.

There's something about Christmas that ties together everything we've ever experienced anyway, which is what I loved about the idea of creating a story set in this world of vintage stores that have been around for over 100 years, and at Christmastime, we automatically find ourselves flashing back to where we were Christmas Eve when we were 4.

I wanted there to be a sense of hope, and what Meg would want, as I would want, in creating any Christmas song is something that hopefully whoever's listening can relate to, even though it's specifically about Christmas Tree Lane and our love story. And it's also tricky writing a song like that because it's too soon for, "I love you with all my heart and we're going to spend the next 30 years together without question," but it's hopeful, saying, "I have a feeling, you could be all of this, and let's go for it."

You both have been in quite a few Hallmark movies, but you've never worked together before now. What made this one the right one?

Walker: That's a question for Alicia because I feel like I just lucked out in being available and chosen for this role and taken on this journey with her, but she held the power in that.

Witt: Hallmark suggested Andrew. I knew of Andrew's work but I just watched a few quick things to remind me, and I think it took me about a minute and a half to say, "Oh yes, absolutely, 100 percent, no question."

Walker: Two minutes maybe?

Witt: Maybe two minutes. [Walker laughs.] It wouldn't have been two minutes of watching time, it would've just been two minutes of searching time to try to find a sample of a couple different types of roles.

There's such an obvious, genuine, playful, completely guileless, what-you-see-is-what-you-get, but also super-intelligent and deep, and a quality that makes you want to know more. I thought that Nate was such a complicated character in many ways to find the perfect spirit to embody because you need to not be 100 percent [sure] who he is at first, but you have to like him a whole lot, and you have to also question just a little bit where his loyalties lie when you find out his allegiance to Cloverfield.

But at the same time, you have to really root for him and believe what he's saying is true and he really wants to save Christmas Tree Lane and there was every quality and more than I ever could have dreamed of in Andrew. I was so, so grateful he was available and able and said he liked the script. I like him even more now that we've worked together, and I truly can't wait to do it again.

Walker: That's very sweet, Alicia. I couldn't have picked a better person to work with, honestly, coming back from COVID and this journey we've been on and both of us felt so grateful to be not only working but also working together. I had known of Alicia, obviously, for years, and I've seen her work many times, and to work with somebody like her, the caliber of game that she brings in every role, it was nice to see her work off camera and what goes into that and how devoted she is.

It felt like most of our scenes, even though there was a framework to it, we improvised a lot, and you don't get that with somebody you don't trust and feel has your back. I felt we could sit there and not say a word to each other and just feel like there was progress in the scene. I have wanted to work with Alicia, and I feel like this was the perfect time, the perfect project, and I feel so honored she supported Hallmark's decision in bringing my name to the table. I would love to have another opportunity down the road to work with Alicia again.

I made a point of not listening to Alicia play piano or sing before we started this movie because I had heard through the grapevine that she was uber-talented, but I left it for the scene, when Nate and her are sitting there and she does a test run on the piano for me, and you're incredible, Alicia. This movie is your quintessential Hallmark movie, but the added flavor of having her sing and play and the musicality this movie has in it is amazing. And it was nostalgic for me because every single holiday was based around music [for my family].

Christmas Tree Lane, Movie Premiere, Saturday, October 24, 10/9c, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.

Link to full article at tvinsider.com HERE

#interview #alicia witt #andrew walker #link #hallmark movies #christmas tree lane #miracles of christmas #hallmark movies & mysteries

7 notes · View notes

seven-oomen · 4 years

Text

Okay, I’ve managed to scrape back up some of the thoughts that were drifting in and out yesterday. I was trying to think of stuff I remembered from high school (what hasn’t been lost to an ADD haze at this point anyway) that might be interesting/cute to see crop up in the prequel. For example; we know Peter played basketball, but did he or anyone else participate in any other extracurriculars or sports? Student council? Debate team? Academic team? French club? Band/orchestra/choir? Cross country/Track? Ecology club? Gay/Straight Alliance? Martial arts? Science club? Softball? Pagan Student Union (I think that might have been a college thing, but whatever)? Art club? Cheer/gymnastics? Other things I’m forgetting right now?

Speaking of Peter and basketball- Did the gang ever go to his games? Did he have supportive sports boyfriends; did they make cute signs or run to hug him if Beacon Hills won? (Did we ever find out Peter’s jersey number? I legit can’t remember.) Did he bother to get a letterman jacket? If so, did he give it to either of the boys? (Or did he just get two? I forget how/when you got patches, I wasn’t much for that sort of thing. I think maybe I got one for softball at some point?) I love him with the leather jacket, I just thought it was a cute image. Did they get class rings (and exchange them)?

Also, yearbooks. Who all actually had their picture in the yearbook? Did Peter shake his hair over his eyes to block the weird reflective thing (and would that work)? Did they pop up in any group shots or candid pics? I had a mental image of a shot from some sort of home game, maybe for football, or girl’s basketball, or something, of the group of them clustered on the bleachers; Peter between Chris and Noah, with an arm thrown around each’s shoulders, his smiling face pressed into one of them’s hair (I can’t decide which) partially to prevent any reflection, partially just because; Chris holding the hand Peter has wrapped around him with one hand and with the other stretched across to rest on Noah’s knee, smiling in the genuine yet vaguely stilted way of someone who’s not used to being this happy yet; Noah with one arm wrapped around Peter’s waist, his other hand resting on the one Chris has on his knee, staring at the camera with an amused grin that’s flirting right on the edge of a smirk; Claudia cuddled up to Noah’s side, both hands wrapped around the top his nearest arm, head leaning against his shoulder, grin clear and bright and open; Melissa next to her, arms enveloping Claudia in a loose hug, camera catching her mid-laugh. (God, I really wish I had something approaching passable art skills at times like these.) Maybe the kids find a copy of that yearbook in the school library, and make framed copies of the picture for Melissa and their dads for a gift.

Do you have any plans to cover Prom? Or any school dance (Homecoming, maybe?), really, Prom is just the big one. Because part of me with never be over the ridiculousness of that scene with Peter and Allison at Macy’s (as cute as it is). Random middle-aged dude walks up to teenage girl and starts offering her unsolicited fashion advice (as part of an intimidation tactic against her boyfriend, no less), and she not only is not worried or weirded out in the slightest, but she actively takes his advice and buys the dress he suggests. (I legit laughed so hard I snorted when I realized it was the same dress.) (Momentary segue: Do you think she ever described the encounter to Chris? Peter just gets a random angry text one day from an unknown number that just says “Stay the hell away from my daughter!” and he just knows, so he sends back “Don’t blame me, her selections were utterly abysmal. Didn’t your wife run a boutique or something? You’d think she’d have taught her better." Chris never does answer back.) But anyway, yes, school dances with that group could be entertaining. Sneaking off (for various reasons), special song dedications, spiking the punch with assorted substances, inappropriate dancing under the cover of semi-darkness. Lots of potential shenanigans.

Also can’t wait to find out more about how everybody met. One of the things I love about long-running series is being able to go back and compare where characters began their relationships versus where they end up. We’ve seen how Chris met the boys, but not Claudia or Melissa. (Did he already know Melissa? Was she still a hunter at that point?) We know how Noah and Claudia met, but not how Peter and Noah met, or Peter and Claudia, or how any of them met Melissa. Plus all the potential bonus drama because of the supernatural issues involved. When did Claudia and Peter realize what Elias was really like? (Did Claudia ever give either of the other boys a "shovel talk”?) How did Melissa’s relationship with Rafael develop? How did the rest of the gang get along with the assorted Hales (or did they know them at all)? And re: the preview for it you posted - what kind of car does Peter have, and can you comfortably fit three growing boys in the back seat? (I do occasionally remember to ask the important questions, lol.) Is the Jeep still Claudia’s here? What kinds of vehicles, if any, do the others have? (Can you tell I’m excited about the prequel?)

Bonus thought from last night -

Me: *trying desperately to fall asleep so the day can just be over*

My brain: So what about a vaguely, very loosely Breakfast Club inspired Chris/Noah/Peter fic? Like, Chris could be Emilio Estevez’s character, and Noah could be Judd Nelson’s, because Andrew’s damage is more internally focused (I can’t live up to my father’s expectations because I’m not good enough), where as Bender’s is more externally focused (I’m pissed that my dad treats me this way because he’s an asshole, but also secretly worry I actually deserve it). Peter could be Claire; popular, charming, probably more intelligent than they let on, emotionally distant and neglected. Claudia’s probably the best fit for Allison, although you could maybe make Melissa work. Finstock is totally Brian. Could we shove Harris back in time to make him Dean Vernon? It’s fic, you can totally do that sort of thing, right? I mean, you’re already planning to completely redo the relationships, so who cares, right? Who would be Carl, though?

Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BRAIN, NOT NOW!!! PLEASE JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, I’M BEGGING YOU!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! WE CAN THINK ABOUT THIS TOMORROW!

My brain: …okay but seriously; Peter in a peach colored v-neck and overly snug khakis, Chris in that wrestling top, Noah in the trenchcoat and plaid… Do you think Peter could do that lipstick trick with a chapstick?…

Me: AAAAUUUUGGHH!!!

(Thankfully, sleep was at least eventually had.)

I’m glad you’re feeling better today, and hope that work was busy enough to pass the time quickly without being overwhelming, and blissfully free of excessive stupid people. As someone else stuck in the world of heat, storms, and humidity, you have my sympathy. Sending hugs and cooling vibes!

Alright so I finally got some time to sit down (or lie down technically) for this and go through it. I’m excited!

we know Peter played basketball, but did he or anyone else participate in any other extracurriculars or sports? Student council? Debate team? Academic team? French club? Band/orchestra/choir? Cross country/Track? Ecology club? Gay/Straight Alliance? Martial arts? Science club? Softball? Pagan Student Union (I think that might have been a college thing, but whatever)? Art club? Cheer/gymnastics? Other things I’m forgetting right now?

I think Chris was a cheerleader at some point. He wanted to join gymnastics like in his old school, but BH didn’t have a separate gymnastics team, so he joined the cheerleaders instead. His dancing skills are abysmal, but he makes up for it with gymnastic skills, strength, and agility.

Peter’s on the student council I like to think he would do well as the secretary but I also feel like he’d definitely try to run for president.

Noah’s on the Martial Arts team (couldn’t resist) and I like to think he’d participate in the ROTC, as he served in the military in canon. (Obviously due to having children at 17, he never enlisted in this Au.) But the prepping definitely happened.

Chris would also join the swim team, which is a nod to Jackson joining later in Once Upon a Time.

And oh yeah, they went to every game. Chris as a cheerleader and Noah was up in the stands with signs for every single game. Claudia and Melissa often came with. Whenever BH won, Chris would run out and ‘cheer’ the star player, which was almost always Peter, and lift him up on his shoulders.

I don’t think there’s a canon answer for Peter’s Jersey Number. I’ve seen some places sell a shirt with 01 on it, but I kinda wanna say it’s 15. Due to his birthday being May 15 in this au. (Chris’s is July 22nd, Noah’s is September 14th.)

I feel like Peter got a class ring, maybe Noah, but Chris didn’t bother. It would just be one more thing his father could potentially take from him and he wouldn’t need something like that to remember the other two by. He already has the Triskelion necklace. As for the letterman jacket, I think Peter definitely got one, as did Noah. Chris once again skipped it, probably because he still felt like they might move at a moment's notice and he didn’t want to bother with all of these things.

Omg, my heart...

yes to all of this. Seriously <3

Do you have any plans to cover Prom? Or any school dance (Homecoming, maybe?),

I do. In both stories. The canon school dance in Once Upon a Time. And the prequel will feature either a homecoming dance or prom. The potential for drama there is too good to pass up on.

Also, Peter giving fashion advice to the girls is way too funny because of course, he would. And to some of the guys as well. Seriously McCall... that’s what you’re going with?? Wear a fucking tux for Mel, jfc...

I feel really bad, but I actually never saw the Breakfast club, though it sounds like a really dope movie. And those visuals are very nice visuals ^^

I’m also writing all of these questions down for the prequel. XD This is awesome writing fuel <3

No but seriously, I don’t say this often enough, but you are awesome and I adore you <3

Thanks for sticking with me and this au for so long already, I love talking to you.

#ben says stuff #once upon a time comments #life unfolds in chapters comments #submission

1 note · View note

watch-the-whole-world-disap-blog · 6 years

Text

The Queen

I was known around my school as “The Queen”.

No one said it to my face, of course, no one would dare to. But everyone whispered about the queen, the girl who runs the school, who could get any guy, who aces all her classes and shows up to every party and still finds time to be on the cheer team. Everyone knew about the perfect girl living the perfect life.

They weren’t wrong though. I practically am a queen. I live in a three story house with my two rich parents, I was the captain of the cheer team, and I’ve dated half of the varsity football team.

The trouble is, I never wanted any of it.

Plus, I had a secret, that no one knew. Well two secrets really.

The first is that I never wanted to be popular and I hated every single second of it.

The second is that I’m gay.

So, how does a lesbian who loves science end up where I am? Truth is, pure coincidence.

In middle school some guy asked me out on a dare and I said yes. Then a second guy asked me out, just to ask me out.

Turns out he was really good at football, and when we hit high school he got onto the varsity team as a freshman. Dating a varsity football player does great things for your image. Suddenly people actually seemed to care about me, and I guess I got more popular.

I was late to puberty, but I did get lucky when it finally hit. My boobs got bigger, I grew more into my body, somehow got curves in the right places. My pimples multiplied, but my friends taught me how to use makeup. Shortly after that I went from being the freshman dating a football player to being one of the hottest girls in my class.

I loved to dance, I’d been taking lessons since I was in elementary school, and my friend convinced me to try out for cheer for sophomore year. I made the team, plus dumped my boyfriend only to get asked out by a junior. My image exploded, people I didn’t even know wanted to be my friend.

Teachers loved me too, I loved science and topped my class in the subject. When I wasn’t cheering I was in the science teacher’s room, and for some reason that made me even more likable.

I got better at makeup, got even more fit from cheer, and rose in popularity. Without even meaning to I ended my sophomore year at the top of my year, dating the most popular junior, getting invited to parties for people I didn’t even know, and earning the nickname of queen after only two years of high school.

People worshipped me. They loved the idea of me.

The irony was that I was the one person who hated myself more than anything else.

I realized that I liked girls when I was six. I realized that liking girls wasn’t normal when I was seven. And I realized I would never have the courage to come out when I was twelve.

My parents, though supportive, were conservative. They hated the idea of same sex couples, despised even watching news about it. Every time I brought a new guy home, they smiled at me. They always asked me when I thought I would get married, what kind of guy I thought it’d be. I learned quickly they would never accept that they person I would want to marry is a girl.

When Matt asked me out on a dare way back in seventh grade, I said yes. I said yes because I knew that was what normal, straight girls would say. But I’d be crushing on someone else, someone who made me feel light and nervous and giddy. She was cute, she had long yellow hair and blue eyes and had the brightest smile I had ever seen.

Matt never made me feel any of those things; no guy ever did.

So where am I now?

I’m half a semester into my junior year. Andrew, my boyfriend from last year, broke up with me for being distant. I’m currently single, meaning I get hit on about every ten minutes from jocks and nerds alike.

I’m the cheer captain, usually it’s a senior but since I was, as my coach said, “exceptional”, I get the title. Personally I think it’s just because I’m the only girl on my team who knows a thing about proper dance and knows how to use techniques, plus the only two senior girls on our team just use cheer as an excuse to get high behind the school during practice.

My parents pressure me to maintain at least a 3.8 GPA, meaning I’m at a perfect 4.0 and don’t intend to change it. They bring up college all the time, especially ivy league schools like the ones they went to.

I have a hundred friends, only five good ones, and zero best friends. Which I’m used to, since people started being intimidated by me as early as freshman year.

And I have a giant, hopeless, potentially dangerous crush on a girl. Juliana call-me-June Stanger to be specific.

She’s 5’5”, has brown hair that she cut to be shoulder length, green eyes, a love for dogs and Star Wars, and a boyfriend.

However, the final fact still can’t stop me from helplessly crushing on her. The fact that she’s on the cheer team and in four of my seven classes does not make it better.

She’s incredible. And I have zero chance.

“Hey, Lizzie!” My voice sounded strangely high today, no one else seemed to notice. I didn’t do my eye makeup this morning, but my friends had no trouble noticing that.

“Skye! I haven’t seen you in so long!” Lizzie wrapped me up in a giant hug and I just laughed.

“Since when is three days a long time?”

Lizzie fake pouted. “Oh shut up and accept I love you.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled at her. Without saying anything we both started walking to class, following our unspoken morning tradition of walking to chemistry together.

“So I heard that Luke was being very friendly with you at that party on Friday.” As much as I loved Lizzie, she was a bit of a gossip, she somehow knew things about me before I did.

“Yep. But come on, that guy had less game than Alex did.”

Lizzie winced as if someone had slapped her. “Damn, that’s harsh considering Alex was basically the walking definition of ‘undateable’. Glad to hear you dropped Luke then.”

I conjured a fake smile at her. “And you’re calling me harsh!”

It was hard to stay positive and happy around Lizzie sometimes. She liked to talk about guys about 70 percent of the time, and gossip the other 30 percent.

The real reason I had turned Luke down wasn’t because he didn’t have game, in fact he was insanely good at flirting; any other girl would have probably fell for it. No, the real reason was June.

She was at that party, wearing a tight red dress and heels higher than skyscrapers. She even was wearing bright red lipstick.

I have a weakness for bright red lipstick.

I spent the whole night trying and failing to ignore her. The result was getting frustrated with Luke’s constant flirtations and watching June make out with her boyfriend on a couch, so basically not a good night.

As we turned into the chem room I felt myself tuning out Lizzie’s blabbering about how her own crush, Jake, had been making hints all day last Thursday which totally meant something.

The best part of chemistry was that I got to sit up in the front in the corner, my own personal space for just me and my textbook, nowhere near my friends. They all sat in the back, but they knew not to ask when I choose the seat at the front of the room.

Everyone knows not to question the queen.

Forty five minutes of a nice quiet class period later and I was walking down the hallway again, this time in line with Sophie instead of Lizzie.

“Hey Skye!“

Fuck.

There was June, running straight up to me, looking better than ever in a light blue v-neck.

“Awesome to bump into you in the hallway. Quick question so for pra-“

Sophie suddenly interrupted her, pointing to a mark on her neck partially covered by makeup. “Is that what I think it is?”

June let out a sigh. “You guys can see that?”

My heart crumpled a little.

Sophie just smirked and nodded.

“Yeah it’s what you think it is. Things, got a little heated on Friday.”

Sophie oohed and I tried to seem like I wasn’t disappointed.

“Do tell!” Sophie insisted, but June shook her head.

“Maybe later. Speaking of later though, do you know if I can skip practice today Skye?”

Code red, June was not supposed to skip practice today. No one was. I knew this. But I definitely was not going to tell June that.

“I’m sure I can pull a few strings yeah, it’ll be fine.” I was proud of my smooth voice considering the fact it would not be fine and I was a wreck of emotions. My heart was pounding and my stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies.

She finger-gunned at me and nodded her head. “Cool. See you later then!” June was walking away from us and I got the sudden urge to follow her, which I shoved down.

“And you’ll tell us that story!” Sophie shouted after her.

June turned around and winked, and I hoped I wasn’t blushing as I rushed to pre-calculus.

The day that Andrew broke up with me I came home crying. My mom told me that everything was okay, and that one of the worst pains you ever experience is your first heartbreak. I assumed that was probably true for her, but not for me.

I had been crying because I saw two guys holding hands in the hallway, and my friend laughed and made fun of them. I had been crying because I remembered the fact I could never fully accept myself.

I realized it was much more pain to lie to yourself and everyone you love every single day than it was to be broken up with. I learned breaking your heart down little by little each day hurts much more than getting it broken at once.

“What do you mean June isn’t coming?” Coach was mad at me. I knew this was coming, but I couldn’t help feeling panicked at her yelling.

“It was my fault, I told her it was fine if she missed practice. She wasn’t uh, feeling good today.” My voice was shaking slightly, I hoped at least my lie seemed good enough.

Coach looked me up and down. “Fine, but it isn’t like you to forget when a practice is important. Next time we’ll need to talk, I put you as captain to take charge. Now come on, go get the rest of the girls from the locker room.”

I let out a quick breath and jogged back to get our team.

I could barely focus during practice. Luckily, I’d gotten quite good at multitasking, spending most of my time inside my head even while practicing or talking or doing homework.

The only thing on my mind was June. Why the hell had I lied for her? She was nothing to me, barely even a friend. No, not even a friend. We were nothing to each other, merely classmates. She was just my classmate. Just my funny, smart, insanely attractive classmate.

Who was going to be the death of me.

Other crushes before June had been just that. Crushes that through a few weeks of denial had just vanished. Yet June was more than a crush, it was like I couldn’t get her off my mind, I couldn’t even think anymore. She was there, invading my thoughts.

Sometimes I let myself imagine dating her. I’d imagine going to the upcoming homecoming dance with my hand in hers, our dresses in matching colors. She’d do my makeup, I’d curl her hair, and we’d get milkshakes together after the dance. It’d be perfect.

Except, those fantasies could never happen. June would be going to homecoming, but with her boyfriend instead of me. And I’d be there, most likely with some random guy strung across my arm just to keep my parents from asking why I didn’t have a date.

Why couldn’t life just be easier sometimes? If my parents were more liberal, or I wasn’t so scared, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

For about the millionth time, I find myself wishing I was just normal for once. Why couldn’t I have been straight?

“Hey, Skye you’re coming to that party on Saturday night right?” Lizzie had a habit of always cornering me directly after cheer practice.

“I don’t know. Probably. Isn’t it being put on by… Ivy right?” I know I’m coming, I need a distraction from school. We were assigned three project in the past week and I’d take any chance I could get to blow them off even for a day.

“Yeah, and her parents are like crazy rich and are leaving town for a few days. Pretty much everyone’s gonna be there, you better come!” Everyone? Would that include June?

No. I needed to stop thinking of her. “Yeah fine. I’ll see if I can find someone better than Luke there.”

Lizzie giggled and playfully rolled her eyes. “Like it’ll be any trouble for you to get a guy.”

I smiled back and held back a sigh. She didn’t realize that was the exact problem.

When I was ten years old this boy was being strangely rude to me. He made fun of my braces and called me stupid, which was ironic because I was the smartest kid in my class.

I told my mom, but she just brushed it aside. She told me that he was just being mean to me because he had a crush on me.

Now, that didn’t make much sense to me. I hadn’t really gotten the idea of a crush at that age, I thought it was just when you kind of liked someone. And why would you be mean to someone you liked?

The next day I called the really pretty girl in my class dumb. She started crying and my teacher got mad at me.

I spent the next year confused as to why.

“Hear me out: David.” Sophie was over at my house, helping me out with an English project.

“What? No! Isn’t he your cousin!” I had mentioned to her an hour ago that I wasn’t going with anyone to Ivy’s party, and Sophie had made it her personal mission to find me a guy.

“Yeah but he’s hot. I mean not as hot as me obviously, but still hot.” Sophie was joking, I could tell, but I definitely couldn’t disagree with that statement.

Seeing my disinterest, she tried again. “Okay... Joey.”

“Joey?” To be totally honest, I had no idea who that was.

“Joey! He’s a senior, he’s really cute, and he just broke up with his girlfriend and is super available. Plus I heard he’s actually pretty nice, which is saying a lot for the guys at our school.”

I considered for a second, then nodded.

“Joey it is!”

“Hey, Joey right?” It was Thursday, just far enough away from the party to not seem desperate but not too far to make me seem overly enthusiastic or excited. I’ve learned that dating is like a science, just the perfect mixture of feelings, timing, and the right words can do a lot.

“Yeah. Hey there Skye.” So he did know me. Well I mean, that would kind of make sense. Everyone seemed to know the queen.

I flashed a shy-yet-still-flirtatious smile, leaning just slightly closer to him. “I was thinking you could come with me to Ivy’s party Saturday?”

Joey grinned. “Um, yeah, totally. I’d love to.”

“Perfect! Be at my house at… 9?”

“Sounds good to me.” Sophie was right, he was nice.

“Awesome!”

I pecked him lightly on the cheek before turning and making my way to the locker room for cheer practice.

When I was in middle school I saw two girls making out in the hallway. They were brave, considering our town was pretty conservative.

Later in the day I saw them eating together at lunch, sitting hand in hand and smiling at each other. They looked so happy despite the obvious staring from everyone around them.

From then on I began to notice those two girls more. I saw them in the hallway, at lunch, during gym class.

I noticed that they were always together, and they were almost always smiling.

I also noticed that everyone else avoided them like the plague. The other girls would refuse to talk to them, they’d get stares from across the lunchroom, and more than once I saw them clearly getting made fun of and bullied just for being themselves.

I never once spoke to those girls, and I haven’t seen them since the end of eighth grade. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if I had said something, anything to them. Or even stood up for them, helped protect them from the stares and the bullying. Maybe I’d have been a better person and maybe I wouldn’t be so scared now.

Thinking about them sometimes make me feel like happiness is possible for me, but I always remember how I watched them get harassed and did nothing.

I often wonder if I even deserve happiness.

Today was the day. I was wearing a slim black dress and one inch heels that matched, plus a face caked with makeup that included a smoky eye I perfected in ninth grade.

Joey was two minutes late exactly, he just texted me to come outside rather than knock on the door. It certainly wasn’t gentlemanly, but it wasn’t like it was prom or anything.

When I got in his car he told me that I looked amazing, which was guy talk for I looked really hot. I told him he didn’t look too bad himself, which was girl talk for we might have sex later.

Ivy’s house was twenty minutes from mine and in that time Joey played subpar music and we talked a bit. And by talked I mean he asked me about school and cheerleading in an insanely awkward one-way conversation.

Ivy’s house was already filled with people considered we got there slightly later than it started, which as everyone knows it exactly the right time.

As soon as we got there we walked directly outside where people were crowded around a pool and hot tub, most of them with red solo cups in hand. After several people had seen us together, meaning our social obligation to make sure people knew we came together was filled, Joey’s group of friends called him over to them and I found some of the girls on my cheer team. Lizzie handed me a cup with something that smelled like really bad beer.

“I saw you walk in with Joey, you two a thing?” She questioned immediately after greeting me.

“Maybe? We just came together, it probably won’t develop into more.”

“Uh huh.” Lizzie said sarcastically and giggled with the rest of our friends. Then they all started mindlessly chattering about guys while I pretended to listen and did a scan around the area.

Ivy’s house was beautiful, nicely decorated from the outside with full windows, fancy looking plants, and obviously expensive patio decorations. However, I wasn’t really looking for that. Instead, against my better judgement, I was looking for June.

I checked once, twice, and a third time just to be sure, and saw no sign of her. I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I was.

“Hey, we’re gonna go refill our drinks and watch a beer pong match, you wanna come?” Britney informed me.

“Sure.” I couldn’t care either way, but I knew the more I drank the more likely I would be to enjoy this so far uninteresting party.

Five senior guys were standing by the beer pong table, watching these two guys going head to head. One of them was Joey, who waved me over to him slightly.

“Hey want another drink?” I haven’t even realized I had already drained my cup. “The beer out here is awful, but I can probably get you some pretty good stuff I saw inside?”

It was actually kind of nice, and I genuinely smiled and said yes, watching him walk back into the house, failing to hide a smile himself.

“Won’t develop into more my ass!” Lizzie mumbled behind me, and I turned around and lightly hit her shoulder.

I didn’t ever really mean to make guys like me. In all honestly, I was just nice to them and did what I knew I was supposed to do and smiled and nodded and somehow it always seemed to make guys fall for me. I always felt slightly bad, I mean it wasn’t their fault they had fallen for me and I never returned their feelings.

Five minutes of watching the two senior guys play beer pong and getting increasingly louder later, Joey returned.

“Now this, this is some top shelf vodka mixed with a coke. The good stuff.” He was joking, but he wasn’t really funny. I laughed anyways to be polite.

I took a sip, and it was actually fairly good. He seemed fairly proud of himself when he saw I was enjoying it. “It’s good, thanks!”

“Listen this might sound weird, but I really want to kiss you right now.” Usually guys just kissed first and asked questions later. He was a special one.

I didn’t really want to kiss him, but all the senior guys plus all my friends were watching, as much as they tried to hide the fact that they were. So, instead of turning him down, I replied, “what’s stopping you?”

Then his lips were on mine, and he spilled his drink pulling me in closer to him. I had to hand it to him, I’ve kissed a lot of guys, and he was definitely one of the better kissers. He was gentle and soft, but he knew what he was doing. I pulled away first, faking that I needed to breathe. Really I just didn’t want to make out with this guy in front of his friends.

“Wow…” Joey was grinning.

I faked a small laugh, and kissed his cheek lightly. “I’ll be right back.”

Ivy’s house was giant and it took me ten minutes of wandering through crowds of drunk teenagers and somehow downing another glass of beer to find the bathroom, which was on the second floor, the hallway to the left, third room on the right. In that time I had finished my drink and gotten significantly more tipsy. That beer was awful, but boy had it been strong. Plus the vodka wasn’t exactly light either.

Someone was in it when I got there, and I waited for five minutes before some girl finally opened the door. She was short and looked like a freshman, and she had definitely been puking in there, most likely from not knowing her limits with alcohol.

I went in the bathroom and closed the door quickly, not bothering to lock it since no one else was even near the room. I sank down to the floor and just sat there, leaning against the door.

I wasn’t exactly sure how long I stayed there, I just didn’t quite feel ready to leave. I kept thinking about Joey, about all the guys I had taken to parties. How many people have I flirted with, lead on, lied to, just to hid the fact I wasn’t what everyone thought? How many innocent guys had I used like that?

I didn’t realize I was crying until the tears dripped onto my legs. The alcohol was not helping my thoughts at all.

Suddenly I felt pressure on my back that I assumed was someone trying to open the door. I moved out of the way on instinct, and the person burst into the room.

Of course, it just so happened to be the one person I did not want to see right in that moment.

“Skye? Whoa were you crying or something?”

“Oh hey June! Nah just got light headed and was splashing some water on my face.”

She was obviously drunk, she was swaying and smiling with the appearance of a typical drunk person. That would explain why she didn’t question me further.

“You look really nice tonight Skye!” She was slurring her words, but I still couldn’t help but blush.

“Ha thanks. You okay there June?”

She nodded and put her hand on the sink next to her to steady herself a bit. “Uh huh!”

I giggled lightly to myself. I could feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach, but with the effects of alcohol hitting me hard all of a sudden I didn’t really care.

“You’re blushing!” She pointed to my cheeks and I could feel my blush darken despite myself.

She did a half gasp and stepped a bit close to me. “I knew it you are blushing!” She giggled to herself though my slurred mind couldn’t figure out why.

“Are you blushing because of me?”

June suddenly seemed very close to me and I was aware of how flushed her cheeks were and how good she looked in the lighting of the bathroom.

“Maybe.” I couldn’t stop myself from saying it but I immediately regretted it. My self restraint was going down rapidly, this was really bad.

June giggled again, but before I could even think as to why she was laughing, her lips were on mine.

They were soft, softer than anyone I had ever kissed before. The kiss was sloppy, but passionate. I stopped thinking, closed my eyes, and pulled her closer to me. She backed me into the wall behind me and deepened the kiss, giggling into my mouth before pushing even closer to me.

It was perfect, everything I had ever imagined and more. And it was over all too soon, she pulled away laughing after only a few more seconds.

“You’re a good kisser! That was fun!” She kept giggling at me and I just stood there, my face hot and my breathing rapid.

I just kissed a girl. No, not a girl, I just kissed June.

“I’m gonna go find Matt!” She said enthusiastically, and I stopped breathing. “You’re super fun!” She giggled one last time and left the bathroom.

I exhaled sharply when she left and held back tears. For a split second I had fooled myself into believing that the kiss meant something, anything, but she was straight and drunk and it meant nothing to her.

My heart was slightly broken, and my mind was slowly trying to understand what had just happened, but in that moment, I didn’t regret it.

When I looked back on this moment, I wished I had been more observant or had less to drink that night. Because maybe then I would have heard footsteps in the hallway or at least heard Lizzie calling my name several times. Maybe then I would have noticed the door opening and stopped myself from making one of the dumbest mistakes of my life.

But I didn’t.

The night got worse after that. I had stayed in the bathroom for another ten minutes or so, pretty much just in shock. Finally I washed my face off and retreated back down stairs, attempting to find Joey.

When I finally did I realized he was wasted beyond belief, and he was completely passed out on a couch.

Well. There goes my ride.

I decided to just crash down on some chair in an isolated part of the house. I called my parents and quickly told them I was sleeping over at Sophie’s and I’d be home later in the morning the next day. They didn’t even question it.

Finally the whole party washed over me, and I grew exhausted. I felt my eyes growing heavy as my head pounded, and I let myself drift off to sleep still just sitting in that chair, my last thought being the feeling of June’s lips on mine.

“Jesus Christ wake the fuck up Skye!” I woke up to the sound of Ivy nearly screaming at me.

“Oh god please be quiet!” I whimpered, the headache had come already. I must have been more wasted than I thought last night.

“I’ve been trying to get you up for like forever now. It’s eight in the morning, everyone’s gone, you’re the last person I’ve had to wake up, and though I’d love to let you stay and recover here, I’ve had a long ass night and I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of my house.” Ivy seemed hungover too, and very annoyed. I figured it was best to comply.

“Yeah. Awesome party.” I mumbled, standing up and hoping I could manage to walk to Sophie’s house from here.

I made it outside before I puked on Ivy’s lawn. I was definitely more wasted than I thought last night.

The sunlight did not help my aching head, but emptying my stomach did feel pretty good. I mean throwing up in someone else’s lawn is never good, but considering everything it at least felt good to get rid of all that alcohol.

After wiping my mouth with my sleeve I called Sophie, praying she would pick up.

“Hey! What’s up?” Sophie sounded insanely hungover too, though she pretended to be lively.

“Can you come pick me up? I’m still at Ivy’s house and I told my parents I spent the night at your house. Please?”

Sophie sounded slightly annoyed, but she knew she owed me for one time when she got super drunk and almost slept with her ex before I picked her up at two in the morning and let her stay over at my house.

Twenty minutes of sitting in front of the house of one of Ivy’s random neighbors later, and I was trying very hard not to puke in Sophie’s car.

“Wow you’re wasted.” She noticed.

“I thought I only had like two drinks or something. But I guess I just don’t remember having more.” I was really hoping this hangover would vanish, I had a chem project I wanted to get started on this weekend.

“Oh I get that. I don’t remember half of last night, but I do remember Adam. Damn could that boy kiss.”

I pretended like I cared by nodding my head and asking, “Who’s Adam?”

Sophie sighed a bit and then giggled. “He’s this senior who goes to another school. We didn’t have sex or anything by the way, but we did do a lot of other things.” She giggled again, and I shuddered. I was so glad when she stopped talking, I hated talking about sex. Mostly because of the whole I’m-not-attracted-to-guys thing.

The rest of the car ride passed without conversation. I think Sophie might have been singing along to the radio, but my head was pounding so much I just tried to tune it out.

Once at her house we went directly up to her room and I immediately fell on her bed, mumbling a thanks before passing out again.

The second time waking up was much better than the first. I know a lot of people say a good hangover cure is some weird drink or like doing some weird routine, but I prefer to just sleep it off and then chug some water or juice to get the taste of bile and alcohol out of my mouth. It’s worked for me so far.

The bad part of waking up this time was that memories of the night before flooded my memory. Specifically, the memory of kissing June. The thought of the two of us, alone together, finally expressing how I feel through a kiss.

And the thought of how June just brushed it off and probably went to go sleep with her boyfriend. Like it was nothing.

I tried to just ignore that thought and instead pushed myself out of bed and into Sophie’s bathroom. I’d stayed over enough times to know where it was without help, and I washed my face and hands, hoping to clear my mind with the water.

Just like I had before it happened.

I turned the water off and quickly left the bathroom, looking for Sophie in hopes that maybe she could take my mind off of it. Plus at the very least she’d tell me which clothes I’m allowed to borrow so I wouldn’t have to continue wearing my outfit from the previous night.

I found her sitting on her couch in the living room, the television in front of her playing some game show, but she was focused on her phone. I walked up behind the couch, calling out as I did so. “There you are! I’m finally up.” I tried to sound lighthearted, but my kidding quickly ended when Sophie didn’t look up.

“What’s that?” I asked. I could see her phone now, she was looking at Instagram, which was pretty normal.

She didn’t respond, she just held up her phone for me to see. It was open to Lizzie’s account, which was also fairly normal. What wasn’t normal though, was the first picture. I grabbed Sophie’s phone and clicked on it, seeing the full image.

It was a picture of me, pressed against the wall in Ivy’s bathroom, with June’s lips on mine. I hesitantly swiped left and saw there was a video, showing me grabbing June closer to me, deepening the kiss like I had always wanted to. Below was a caption, “I always knew there was something wrong with her. #gay”. She had even tagged me in the photo. I swiped back to the picture and handed Sophie back her phone, not quite processing what had just happened. I was in shock.

How could Lizzie do that? Just walk in on us, and take a video like that? It was so… so wrong. I felt my heart shrinking, my breathing getting faster and shallower. No she wouldn’t do that to me, she would never post something like that of me.

“You’re gay?” Sophie’s soft voice broke me out of my spiral.

I couldn’t speak. How could I deny this? What kind of lie could I quickly create to get her to think it was something else, anything else?

But I took too long. Sophie knew.

“Holy fuck you are.”

I felt like crying. There had to have been some mistake.

“Okay… I um…” Sophie was shocked too. I could see the image still open on her phone. I wanted to just throw it at the wall.

This could not really be happening.

“I think you should leave Taylor…” Sophie looked away from me as she said that, as if she couldn’t stand to look at me. Just because she knew I was gay. I always thought Sophie was more open minded then the rest of them, but if this is how she reacted, that means the rest would…

“But Sophie…” I couldn’t even defend myself. She just shook her head in response, still not even looking in my direction.

I felt myself crying despite the fact I couldn’t even feel it. I didn’t bother checking if I left anything in her room, I just walked through her house to the front door and then continued walking. I walked a few more feet before I collapsed for the second time on some strangers lawn, this time crying into the grass instead of throwing up.

How could Lizzie have done this?

The walk home was a long and slow one. I couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t think straight, and I still was wearing my old, alcohol and vomit covered clothes. I knew my parents would ask questions, but I couldn’t care in that moment.

I kept trying to figure out how to get out of this. Lizzie hadn’t seen everything, had she? How well had she seen my face? Did she see my reaction afterwards? And why did she decide to spread that, why hurt me?

A worse thought lurked in the corner of my mind, like a ticking time bomb. What would my parents think?

I tried to tell myself they couldn’t possibly have seen a video from my friends Instagram, they wouldn’t just assume I was gay from one video. They’d be more worried about how I was drunk. They’d care more about my well being than if I actually was gay even if they had seen the video.

But the thought was still there.

Reaching my house, I had to steel myself. I wasn’t ready to see my parents, but I had nowhere else to go. I took a deep breathe, and rung the doorbell, waiting two beats before my mom opened it.

I watched her face as she did it. First it was surprise, quickly morphing into fear and concern over my outfit and obvious stench of alcohol, again changing into anger, and then settling into a face of disgust and hatred.

Hatred. Hatred of me.

They’d seen it.

She pulled me inside the room and marched me straight into the living room, where my dad was sitting on his computer. Lizzie’s mom had sent them the videos and it was open on the screen.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” My mom said, harsher than I’d heard her in a long time.

“You leave saying you’re going to a party, and you come home drunk and smelling awful, and then this, this video of you and this girl!”

I couldn’t say anything. My mind was racing, trying to come up with a good response. I had nothing.

She rambled on for a few seconds about how irresponsible I was, and how disappointed she was. I barely heard it.

Finally my dad spoke up, concern in his voice though his face was turned away from me.

“Is this true?” He asked softly. “Are you gay?”

I felt tears threaten to spill down my face, and I closed my eyes as I slowly nodded my head. When I opened them again my mom was crying. She stared at me like she didn’t know me.

“No no, my daughter isn’t gay. Skye you better be lying, this better be some joke because I didn’t raise my daughter to be some, some lesbian.”

My dad finally got up from the couch, and he hugged my mom. His face was reserved, like he was holding all his anger inside. Was he mad at me?

“I’m still the same person you’ve always known.” I squeaked out, nervous to even speak.

“My daughter is going to hell.” My mom was muttering, shaking as if she was more hurt by the news than I was. As if telling me this hurt her more than me.

My eyes stung from the effort of holding back my tears.

“Just go to your room. We’ll talk about this later.” My dad said, stern.

I took a second to debate talking back, saying I was still their daughter, but I didn’t. I just turned around, and walked away.

I lost my virginity last year. It was at his house. He was the one who brought it up, and I had agreed, though I can’t remember why. It might have been because he was cute, and he wanted me, and that felt good. Most likely it was because I wanted to prove that maybe I wasn’t gay at all. Maybe it would feel amazing and I’d realize I was straight after all.

He was good at it, I think. I didn’t like it. Some things felt good, but nothing felt right.

I went to school two days later, knowing he’d already told his friends and knowing I’d have to tell my friends as well.

They all complimented me, they wanted to hear all about it, many of them just wanted to know if he was any good at it so they could spread rumors around if needed.

I can’t remember much of what I told them. I didn’t give many details, I didn’t talk shit about the guy, but I wasn’t enthusiastic either.

I do remember seeing a girl across the cafeteria while my friends were interrogating me. She was older than me, and had strawberry hair and freckles that could have made me melt.

I remember wishing, more than anything, that I had lost my virginity to her instead of him.

My parents decided to ignore the new developments. I spent the rest of that day alone in my room, ignoring the flood of questions from people on social media. I ate dinner with my parents, just like normal, but we didn’t talk much. My mom had pulled herself together and instead of disgust on her face when she looked at me, her expression was absolutely blank. I couldn’t decide which had been worse.

After dinner I spent my time agonizing over what my parents would do. Would they continue to be upset over this, would they force me out of the house, would they send me to one of those weird camps for changing gay people? A small part of me had hope that they would see reason and come around to the fact that I was still their daughter, who they hopefully still loved, and they would accept me.

Plus, I couldn’t decide what to do. I told Sophie I was gay, and my parents, but maybe I could find a way to lie through this. If I was enthusiastic enough and kept saying it was just one drunk kiss, maybe I could get through this with just a scratch on my reputation.

But even still, imaging going back to lying about who I was every single day hurt more than any offensive comment ever could. I had to be honest now, it was time for me to be myself. So I promised myself, there and then, that I would be honest.

I couldn’t stop thinking, torturing myself well into the night. I woke up the next morning feeling worse than ever, terrified to go to school but even more scared to stay home.

I changed into my least bright clothes, a grey hoodie with the school name on it and skinny jeans, and prayed that the day wouldn’t be completely awful.

My parents didn’t say goodbye to me as I grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen and headed out the front door, and I didn’t shout out a quick “I love you” as I left.

As soon as I got in my car I started crying. I cried for minutes, letting the tears spill down my face and collect on my hoodie. I would have traded anything for the chance to stay there the whole day, just sobbing out everything I was feeling, but realism set in and instead I wiped my face off, added a new layer of foundation, and smiled into the rear view mirror.

I needed to seem fine, so maybe everyone else would leave me alone. I doubted it would work, but I turned my car on anyways, accepting whatever was about to happen.

I managed to avoid everyone on my way to first period, which was the one class I didn’t have many of my friends in, but that was about where my good luck ended. Everyone had seen the video of me kissing June, and they all stared at me. I could tell they were conflicted, almost all of them seemed like they wanted to talk to me, but they all seemed too scared. I was still the queen they had known.

Finally, one guy I knew was on the junior varsity baseball team, and had definitely hooked up with my friend Chloe at some point, decided to speak up.

“So if you’re gay now, do you think you’d let me turn you straight?” He said, making most people in the room laugh. One part of me wanted to hide away and let the shame I was feeling show, but that wasn’t who I wanted to be in this moment. I remembered who I was before, confident and proud. For all the wrong reasons sure, but I could be those things now for the right ones.

“Only if you let me turn your sister gay.” I said, not looking up as I walked to my desk. I could still hear his exasperated gasp though, and it made me smirk just a little.

“Fucking dyke.” The guy mumbled, shuffling back to his place in the back of the classroom. I didn’t even dignify him with a response, and after that everyone was quiet.

The queen still had power after all.

I knew there was no escape when class ended because the second I walked out of the room Lizzie had turned the corner of the hallway and instantly spotted me. She was being trailed by Sophie, who I assumed she collected on her way to find me. I quietly cursed the fact that I had ever told her my schedule.

“Skye!” She shouted, marching straight through the hallway at me. If people weren’t staring at me yet, all heads turned towards me. I fought the urge to blush and instead moved more into the open. Why bother to fight the inevitable conflict that was about to go down?

I couldn’t read Lizzie’s face as she finally reached me, though Sophie definitely had a mix of embarrassment and guilt on her face. I had a feeling it had to do with kicking me out of her house, but I definitely didn’t feel bad for her. She made it clear where she stood with me.

“So what’s up with you being some lesbo and not telling anyone?” Lizzie asked, her voice strong and mocking.

“You know I thought we were friends Lizzie. What’s up with you walking in on me and someone and taking a video? That’s so fucked up!” I shot back, not willing to let my emotions take control. No more hiding, no more holding back. Lizzie was going to hear what I had to say. “And what’s up with posting it online? You didn’t think how that could fuck up my life, or the life of the other girl!”

Lizzie laughed, actually laughed. “I already talked to June before I even posted it. She said you had convinced her to make out with her ‘just to try it’ and she was drunk enough to try. She said you were the one who was actually into it too.”

Of all the things I thought Lizzie would say, that one hurt the most. I had a feeling June didn’t care about the kiss like I had, but hearing it like this, and hearing that she had twisted it around just so she wouldn’t be under attack to, it shattered my heart. I had a moment where I let the pain show on my face, but I didn’t have time to bother about June now. She didn’t like me, I already knew that, and now that I knew what a bad person she actually was, I could get over her.

“You want the truth Lizzie? I’m lesbian! I always have been! Happy now?”

Lizzie smirked, but Sophie blushed behind her. Why was Sophie blushing?

“So now you’re proud to be a dyke? I hope you realize you’re over at this school, no one’s gonna care about some weird lesbo.”

I sighed. So this was how she was gonna play it? “I honestly don’t give a shit what you say. I don’t want the popularity. At least I’m true to myself, and at least I cared about myself, which is way more than can be said about you.”

I didn’t see Lizzie’s reaction because I turned around and flipped her off, walking to chemistry alone with a new sense of confidence.

I passed June in the hallway after chem, but I didn’t stop to admire her like normal and I didn’t get butterflies in my stomach. Instead I just felt angry, and I kept walking.

A hand on my arm stopped me, and I turned to see Sophie.

“Please talk to me, it’ll only take a second.”

I sighed but listen to Sophie rather than have another hallway blow up, ignoring the way some of the guys around us laughed as we made our way through the hallway together. Sophie dragged me into the girl’s bathroom around the corner that was usually relatively empty.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday. I was in shock and I didn’t know what to do and I panicked. Please don’t be mad at me.” Sophie looked honestly upset, but I didn’t trust her and I hadn’t forgiven her.

“Years of friendship and you kick me out of your house for being gay? Why Sophie?”

“I like girls too.”

I hadn’t expected that. I got silent, knowing my face was betraying me and showing how surprised I was.

“I think I’m bisexual. That’s the term for liking girls and guys right? I read about it online. That’s why I was shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I know you needed a friend in that moment and it wasn’t me, but I wasn’t thinking right and I was panicking and I’m so sorry.” Sophie was rambling, I had never seen her like this.

“I get it. It’s okay.” I mumbled, still trying to piece everything together.

“Please don’t tell anyone?” Sophie asked quietly.

“Of course now. Why did you tell me?” Sophie could have just hidden her feelings and acted like Lizzie, lashing out and protecting herself. But she didn’t, she opened up to me. Even I probably wouldn’t have done that if the tables were turned.

“I thought you would understand.”

I did understand. It made perfect sense, that was why Sophie always seemed so open, that was why she dated so many guys, that was why I always felt we were similar.

“And I promise I’ll keep being your friend, and I’ll try to bring the others around to.” She said, regaining her normal composure.

“Thank you.” I said. And I meant it. Suddenly I felt better, as though as wasn’t as alone as I thought.

That day was one of the worst I had ever experienced, but also one of the best. Everywhere I went there were comments about me under people’s breaths, but I walked with a confidence I never had before. Maybe I wasn’t who they thought I was, but I was who I always wanted to be.

My parents finally addressed things that evening, saying that though they didn’t like it, and they weren’t going to encourage my “habits” as they put it, they still loved me. My mom was much more put together, and my dad didn’t have a dull anger behind his eyes. It wasn’t support, and it wasn’t encouragement, but it was something.

I had many more days like that, feeling the hate of peers pressing on me, but finally feeling free. One and a half more years of those days to be exact.

But finally, high school ended. I didn’t end the “queen” of the school, but I did get into Brown University with my high GPA and SAT scores, plus my essay about overcoming adversity related to my sexuality. I’d be going there in the fall and be studying chemistry.

I also got a girlfriend. Sophie came out, and had much better luck than me since I had already opened the door for her. Still, we bonded a lot over being the only two openly queer girls at our school, and eventually romantic feelings grew. We started dating in March of our senior year. My parents hated it, but I didn’t care much because I already had my acceptance to college and my way out of our small town.

Things got better after that. I found people who would accept me, and I never stopped learning to accept myself and live with confidence.

Now I’m done with my sophomore year of college, I’ve been dating Sophie for years, and I’m surrounded by the right kinds of people. It’s weird to think that the girl I was in my junior year who hid behind makeup, cheer, and popularity she didn’t want would turn into the person I am now.

I guess that’s just what happens when you stop worrying so much about being a queen and instead just try to be.

#original story #the queen #please reblog #please send feedback #writers #writing on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writing #original #short story #original short story #not deh

86 notes · View notes

nekojitachan · 7 years

Note

so, I know you're not on prompts, but I suddenly really feel like reading some neil with a british accent, and I already reread your stories, and I am going around asking this from all of my fav authors, so if you're ever in the mood or have the time, could you perhaps bless us w some neil w a british accent and the team losing their shit over it???

Hmm, I wouldn’t say that I don’t take prompts, it’s just I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had time to do them? I’m trying to change that (and find a good prompt list to post).

*******

It was the reporter’s fault, Andrew supposed. With the fall semester winding down and the Foxes securing a spot in the spring championship playoffs despite being weighed down by the new rookies, Wymack had informed them at the start of the week that there would be a reporter coming to interview them to help build up some publicity, so everyone had better mind their manners and watch their mouths (that might have been directed at a certain sophomore with a tendency to self-destruct whenever his lips parted and sound came out).

At first Andrew had been a tiny bit bemused with the prospect of spending Thursday’s practice listening to the Foxes go on about how hard they’d worked so far that year and their chances to hold on to the division’s title against the Trojans while everyone waited with baited breath for Neil to spout off his usual bullshit (especially if it meant that Andrew didn’t have to do much more than stand around for once). Kevin was his usual fake smiles and torn between gushing about Knox and Moreau and talking up the Foxes, the rest of the upperclassmen were positive as always about the team - Dan was more poised that year and going on about the ‘legacy’ she was leaving behind as well about how Neil would be a great captain once she was gone.

Nicky was a hyper idiot, the freshmen were still unused to doing any sort of interviews and so Wymack hung around to keep their sessions brief and to the point. Aaron managed (barely) to not come across as a surly asshole, and Matt gushed equally about Dan and Neil in a sickening manner. By the time the earnest young British man from Extreme Exy got to Andrew, all he did was give the reporter a flat look while he was asked questions about his goalkeeping record so far that year, his thoughts on which teams would be in the final three and who was his favorite professional Exy team.

Neil so owed Andrew for him putting up with this ridiculousness.

Of course the Foxes gathered around as if a crowd waiting near the bottom of the gallows when the reporter finally got to Neil. Perhaps the young man knew about Neil’s reputation, perhaps he was a bit rattled after dealing with Aaron and Andrew, but his smile appeared a little wan and the hand holding the recording device trembled a little when he began with his questions - Wymack had insisted that nothing about the Ravens be brought up, but that still left a lot of leeway for Neil to drag people.

“Ah, after a bit of a rough start, the Foxes are now second in the Southeastern district. Do you foresee any difficulties heading into the playoffs?”

It felt as if most of the Foxes were holding their breath as they waited for Neil to respond, as Wymack stared intently at Neil as if he could mentally will the idiot to think before he spoke (Andrew could tell the man that Neil would just come up with more inventive insults then). Neil eyed the tall, dark-haired reporter for a moment before he shrugged. “I won’t lie and say that it won’t be a challenge, not when so many of our players are so new, but we’ve gotten this far so I’m confident that we’ll do a good job.” He smiled as he brushed aside the hair falling onto his face. “We’re Foxes, after all. We do best under adversity.”

“Oh my god,” Pris exhaled, while beside her Michalyn nodded in agreement and Sheena stared on in disbelief. As for the upperclassmen, Dan’s eyes were wide and her mouth agape, Allison was grinning as she jabbed her right elbow into her friend’s side and even Renee appeared surprised. Matt… Matt was gazing at Neil so intently that Andrew felt the strong urge to go over and smack the backliner. Hard. Hard and repeatedly.

“What’s up with the funny accent?” Aaron asked as the reporter, with a slight, puzzled smile on his face, asked Neil another question - that one about what Neil thought about the Trojans’ improved defensive line with Moreau on their team.

“I think we’re going to have a real challenge on our hands when we play them again - we won last year because of them wanting to face us with an even number of players, and now we have a bigger line-up. But we’ve learned a lot, too, so we’ll each bring something new to the court,” Neil said, his British accent growing stronger with each question.

“His mother,” Andrew answered his twin as he gritted his teeth over the Foxes’ ongoing reactions; somehow, Allison had managed to sneak a phone out on court and was filming Neil’s interview while Nicky leaned against an almost drooling Matt as if swooning and fanned himself.

There was another question about their upcoming game against Binghamton, which Neil glanced at a stern-faced Wymack for a moment before giving (for him) a mild answer about how the Foxes intended to continue with their winning streak against the team. Still speaking in that damn accent which made Andrew furious over how their moronic teammates were acting and twitchy with the need to grab a certain idiot and find a quiet spot to ask him ‘yes’ or ‘no’. To keep him from speaking with that accent - well, other than a few choice words.

“I will give you anything for a copy of this vid,” Nicky crooned to Allison, who continued to smirk as if very pleased with herself. “Anything.”

“Hell yes,” Matt agreed with a rough voice as he continued to stare fixated at Neil.

“This is stupid, he just wants all the attention,” Jack sulked, his glare strengthening when Pris, Michalyn and even Sheena shushed him.

The reporter for Extreme Exy paused a moment before he asked another question. “So, are you going to be cheering for Cambridge or Nottingham this weekend?” He waved the recorder around a little. “Ah, your mother’s side of the family is British, right?” When Neil stiffened at the question, he had the sense to pick up on it right away. “Oh, right, I wasn’t supposed-”

“Edinburgh.” Neil’s answer cut through the man’s frantic apology. “I actually favor Edinburgh’s team, though they’ll play this week’s winner.” He managed a half-smile as the reporter recovered and Kevin took to scowling in the distance in blatant disagreement. “Their defense is a work in progress, but their goalies are top notch and their offense incredible.”

“Ah, yes!” The reporter laughed a little as if in agreement. “I’m partial to Manchester myself, so let’s hope those two make it to the finals!”

Wymack stepped in to wrap things up then, which left Neil standing there with an oddly open expression on his face. Before Andrew could move, Nicky and the upperclassmen closed in on the junkie.

“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Nicky exclaimed as he draped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “How do you do that? Can you do that like, always? That sounds so hot!” It was right then that Andrew had joined them, and he spared no force in slamming his right arm into his cousin’s abdomen. “Ow!”

“Thanks for closing another bet for me,” Allison said as she reached out to tousle Neil’s hair as if she had every right to be so affectionate. “Actually, two, since you got through today without dragging anyone through the mud for once.”

“We had every faith in you,” Renee murmured as she tugged Matt out of Andrew’s way before Andrew could ‘accidentally’ ram his elbow into the tall backliner’s left kidney.

“Well, not Jack, Sheena, Aaron, Nicky and Roy, but there’s always a sucker or two when it comes to bets,” Allison said with evident glee as she held up her phone. “Between them and this little gem, we’re going to enjoy a nice spa weekend or two.” That was directed toward Renee.

Renee dragged the dealer away before something ‘happened’ to her phone, while Nicky left before he earned another hit and Dan had the sense to remove her boyfriend as well, leaving Neil alone with Andrew. “I seem to remember a time when you didn’t want attention,” Andrew remarked as the rest of the Foxes broke apart and began to walk away, practice seemingly over now that the reporter was gone. “Those were the days.” He wouldn’t mention what type of days, though.

Neil shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I didn’t… it’s habit, I suppose. I used it all the time in Europe unless we were somewhere and spoke French or German. I used it when it was just me and my mum.” His expression was a bit guarded then, since he knew that Andrew didn’t care to hear anything in regards to Mary, to a woman who had fucked up Neil in so many ways and failed to protect her only child. The woman who had abused him even if Neil didn’t readily admit to that fact.

“It’s stupid, don’t do it again,” Andrew told him as he thought about how the Foxes had reacted to it just then.

At first Neil frowned at that, and then he smiled as he stepped forward and brushed his fingers lightly along the hem of Andrew’s oversized goalie jersey. “Don’t do it again, or don’t do it while in public, hmm?” The British accent crept back into his voice as he gazed at Andrew with that almost-smirk on his lips. “I think maybe you like it, just a little. Perhaps you need to hear it again to make up your mind when it’s just the two of us.”

Andrew felt that urge to drag Neil off somewhere private once more, the urge to both kiss him quiet and hear him call out Andrew’s name. “I hate it and you,” he settled on as he shoved his hand in his idiot’s face. “And stop staring.”

Neil laughed as he took a step back. “That’s a ‘yes’.” He hummed a little as they headed toward the locker room. “Okay, later then.”

Andrew shoved him forward, but he didn’t say ‘no’.

*******

Eh… I’m working on keeping things short. ‘Working’. I hope you like it!

Now off for more Ravens Partner….

#andreil #fic prompt #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxes #neil and his accents #andrew's a sap for them

389 notes · View notes

jonesdada · 6 years

Text

"HAIL TO THE KING!” || 2x08: FP’s Speech & Jughead

All day. All day I’ve been trying to figure out how the hell I was going to properly convey my emotions, my thoughts on the matter. This episode gave me more FP than I have had all season, and my mental state, in all honesty, was not ready for it. I waited with baited breath from the second I saw the promo, and I could not have been prepared. I wasn’t. So here it goes. The only way I could imagine to express my thoughts? By analyzing the speech, picking a part every moment and everything he meant in each line.

It’s a wild ride.

“I’ve been in and out of the serpents since I was younger than my son, and it’s been a wild ride. Good times, bad times. Through it all, the serpents stuck by my side while most other people turned their backs on me — “

It comes clear to our attention that FP did not have the best home life, regardless of the fact that his school life was somewhat of a breeze. While he was being a star football player, he was also being a serpent at the young age of 16. While he was among the most popular, in a band, he was also homeless and living where ever he could. Despite this, he says in 1x07 that it was the best days of his life. He was top of the food chain when it came to school, regardless of how it was outside. And the serpents, you can presume, has never once made FP feel the way he did when he was at home. When he was with Fred. Hell, you can presume that they’ve never made him feel the way other’s did with their hatred. Not just his family and other loved ones, but himself included.

It’s also important to make note of how the camera panned, who it seemed to move to as he says it. It moves to Betty and Alice, but most importantly the latter. While we have, quite frankly, no fucking idea what it was the two of them went through, it’d be impossible to write off Alice’s importance to FP. So much of how FP deals with the things he cannot handle is with anger. He’s a man who feels everything, feels far too much, and doesn’t want to. He’s always combated that with anger, with turning many emotions into one. I’ve always mentioned how important it is when he has his outbursts, and how so many of them come after the mentioning of Gladys. He’s never matched that anger, never matched that emotional outburst. The closest, however, is Alice. We may not know what the hell happened, but we do know that whatever it is? It was catastrophic for Forsythe Pendleton Jones the Second.

It’s also important to remember Fred Andrews in a situation like this. I didn’t know on if I should have put him here or in the family section, but God. I can only talk about the Fred and FP situation so many times. In the end of the day? There’s no one in this world who FP feels more turned against than Fred Andrews. Possibly not even Gladys.

“My own family included.”

Ah, yes. Here it comes. The classic FP Jones motif. And, it’s even better this time around because what’s the “betrayal” pulling at each and every heart string at this moment? His son. His pride, his joy, his entire world. But while this is true, let’s talk about the other family for the moment. Jughead will have his time at the end of this, and it will take up far more than anything else, presumably.

We can assume FP lost his mother before he was kicked out of his house by his father, being told to go straight to Hell. It’s very possible that this was the first thing for him to go through to really shift his viewpoint, to make him see the world as black and white. A father is never supposed to be on the outside, never supposed to be the one that damns you straight to Hell. In FP’s case, he was. In FP’s case, he was only the first.

Then you come full circle. You come to where FP had his back turned on by the love of his life and their daughter. Is this logical? Absolutely not. Is this fair? Not even slightly. But FP has never been anything near logical nor fair. He’s always been a man who sees the world as those with you or against you, and once you turn your back once? It’s done until proven otherwise. In FP’s eyes, he gave his family every last thing he had. He drowned himself to keep them treading, to try and keep them afloat. In the end, it didn’t even matter.

Except for Jughead. But that’s something for later.

“The letter of the law says that I can’t be here in the Serpent Den. That I can’t associate with my friends, my real family. My blood! But I’ve been thinking about that. And it’ll be a cold day in Hell before a Snake lets a Pig tell him what to do!”

It’s something I’ve mentioned time and time again. FP’s a leader. He’s a father. He’s a king. The Serpents have always, and will always be an image of the family that he cannot taint. They will always be the family that he was meant for, the family that he can only bring up, not down. He knows they need him, he knows they need him as much as he needs them. Because FP was born for something far greater than to be a foreman for a construction company. He was born to be something greater than a waiter at Pop’s. When it comes to the Serpents? FP is law. He is the glue that keeps everyone together, that keeps everything working. He keeps them in line, he keeps them straight, he keeps them tidy. His domain, his law, his kingdom.

The serpents have been the family he could never have from day one.

With that being said, he was ready to leave it all. The way that his head cocks when he says the part of, “I’ve been thinking about that,” it’s the same way he does when he lies to Keller in 1x12 about the planning up the ransom for Jason Blossom. FP was ready to be on the straight and narrow, the legal side of it all. For his son, he was about to turn his back on the only people who’s always had his. Which is what makes it all the more heartbreaking.

“North Side wants me out of this gang? Well, they better bring a coffin, cause FP Jones isn’t retiring! I am NOT going gently into that good night! I am here to STAY! So bring the fire!”

It’s important to note what the meaning of this reference is, and what it has always been used for. It’s used for a battle cry, it’s used for a call for action. The symbolism, the meaning behind it? Fighting death. And that’s exactly what FP is proving cannot happen. The death of the serpents, the death of the king, the death of the prodigal son. The death of innocence. FP is at a crossroads, and he’s needing to go down many of the options. He needs to protect and lead the serpents, he needs to protect and lead his own son in the road of his life. He needs to protect himself, fix the wrongs he’s done in his own life. And FP knows better than anyone: he can’t do that on the outside.

When he’s not wearing his leather jacket, when he’s outside of the Wyrm? He’s nothing, he’s powerless. And at this moment? He has spent months this way. He has spent months having the least amount of rights, the least amount of power possible. He’s not a good man, he’s not an innocent man, but he’s also not a man meant to be powerless. His reputation, his influence is far too great. And while he was gone? Signs of crumbling already began to be present in the infrastructure of his kingdom. He can’t do that to them again. Especially with his son being involved.

Which brings us to the end of the speech, and to the hardest part of the episode.

“I know about the snake charmer, and the delivery you did, and the debt you owe her. It was the one thing, son, the one thing I asked you not to do. I’m in, you’re out. Penny’s my problem now. You broke my heart, Jughead.”

This is a FP we have never seen.

This is a FP that he never thought he would be. This is a man who’s heart has been broken by the most important person in his life. This? Is the hardest thing that FP has ever gone through, and the agony is written all over his face. It was never Jughead’s job to do the disky things to save him, that was the job of a father. He was in jail, partially for confessing to a crime he didn’t completely commit, for one reason — to protect his son. That’s the only reason that has ever mattered for any and everything FP does. Regardless of where the serpents lie, regardless of where the rest of his family lies? Jughead comes first, and he always has, and he always will.

And for the first time in FP’s life, he has no idea how he’s going to get his son out of this. He has no idea how he’s going to get his son out of trouble. For the first time in his life, he looks at his son and he feels absolute fear. For his future, for his safety, for his present. For the first time in his life, he’s felt as if he’s truly damned his son to hell, just like his old man did to him.

But despite all of this. Despite the pain, despite the heartbreak, despite the agony... His son still shines the brightest of any star he’s ever seen. His son still has every important heart string, still calls all the shots when it comes to his loyalty and love. So he holds him as close as he can, he kisses his forehead, he reminds him of that, regardless of how awful it feels.

And then he takes a drink. Because the show must go on. Because he has people to catch up with, and he has a role to play. And he can’t do that while breaking down, while struggling to pick up all the pieces that his absence left. That’s for the next day, and then the next, and then the next. But hail to the king, tonight.

#i honestly started like #borderline hating this #but #i spent too much time wrting it to over think it so #IF ANYONE WANTS TO KNOW MY ANALYSIS OF THE HARDEST THING IVE EVER WATCHED #HERE U GO #riverdale spoilers #riverdale #fp jones #&. ' GLOWING LIKE THE METAL ON THE EDGE OF A KNIFE ! || ( headcanons. )

13 notes · View notes

cuscuzdetapioca · 7 years

Text

Fandom: that one that includes many but i treat as if it was only one cause really

Summary: we get mary and ced

@potatomcmuffin @digirose

I got lazy and this is barely proof readed

V stood in front of the mansion of the Diggorys. She wasn’t one to care much about wealth but the difference between that house and the places she used to go, was highly different. The city itself looked better than hers, specially that part. And to think people were living with so, so much less...

She pressed the intercom. Soon, a female voice answered. “Hello, what can I help you.”

V looked directly at the little camera device in the intercom as she showed it her credentials. “Police. I’d like to enter and ask some questions.”

Silence.

“... Fine.” The other girl finally said, but didn’t sound so pleased. The heavy gates opened up with a small click. “You can enter now.”

V made her way to the mansion itself, passing through a garden she had no idea was artificial or not. When she arrived by the door, a girl was waiting for her. She was short and had her hair in old fashioned pigtails, that gave her the impression of being younger then she was.

“Are you Mary Diggory?” V asked, even if she knew the answer.

“Yes. Come in. Do you want to drink something?” She asked, leading her to the main room.

“No, thank you.”

Mary sat in one of the chairs and V sat on the one opposed to her.

“What do you want, officer?” She could tell Mary was keeping her tone neutral just for show. It was obvious she wasn’t happy with V’s presence, which made things even more suspicious in the Blade Runner’s eyes.

“Is your brother home? My main questions are for him.”

“He isn’t. But he will be soon. Is there something I can help you with meanwhile?”

V passed her the photo of replicant. “Do you know this man?”

Mary took it, but her face didn’t show much emotion. “Yes. I haven’t seen him in years though. Is it about him?” She extended the photo back to V, making eye contact. She seemed calm, but also as if she was challenging V to see some lie.

“Partially. Did you know about what he was?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He is mostly my brother’s friend. What do you mean by what he was?”

“He was a replicant. One of the old models. He came from the space, rebelling against the orders he received.”

“Really?” Mary seemed genuinely surprised. “Well, he did seem like someone who had seen a lot. But you say was... So, you’re a blade runner then, right?”

“Yes.”

Mary nodded. V had the vague impression that Mary already knew this information.

“He was a good ma- replicant, as far as I know. Even helped people around all the time. On the few occasions we talked, we always discussed the importance of preserving animal life.”

“It seemed like he had helped your brother somehow. Any clue about that?”

“No. He did donate some money to our institute. Could be that.”

“You mean the one you created for restoration of natural fauna and flora? Didn’t seem like your brother was involved on that.”

“He is my partner in the business, even if it’s one my name.” She hugged herself, clearly uncomfortable with V’s presence. “But if this man was a replicant and you killed him, why are you here asking us questions about him?”

“He wasn’t the only one who escaped in his group. We’re trying to find the others and your brother’s name came up during investigation. Maybe he knows something.”

“I don’t think so. He would have told me, he probably didn’t know as well. We didn’t see him that much anyway.

“But you did say he was more of your brother’s friend. Do you know how they met?”

This made Mary delay a bit to answer and when she did, it seemed like she was losing a bit of her cool. “Yes, we met by chance, during our time in the city. Ced was there for business reasons. I don’t think tracing back all my brother’s conversations will help your case. You want to know about the others, don’t you? Why don’t you show their faces or something then?”

“I want to determine what you know first.”

“We didn’t know he was a replicant! If he did mention someone else, we wouldn’t think this person to be a replicant. You should be done already with your questions!”

“I decide when I’m done.” V felt herself going to a rather childish tone and Mary seemed to be joining her.

“Now you’re abusing your power!”

“What? Do you even know what’s that?”

Mary opened her mouth, ready to say exactly what she thought about V’s ‘intrusion’ when a male voice behind them called.

“Mary, who is that? A friend?”

“Never!” She answered, puffing her cheeks at his brother for the idea. “She is an officer. She’s actually here to talk to you...”

“In private.” V stood up quickly. “If it’s not a problem.” She said looking pointedly at Mary.

She delayed a bit, clearly not pleased but went to the other room. “Fine.”

It was not her and Cedric. She looked at him and he extended a hand.

“Hello, miss...?”

“V.” She shook his hand and took her previous place, while Cedric took Mary’s.

“So, how can I help you?”

She took a copy of the original photo and showed to him. “Do you remember this photo?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.” He took the photo, looking surprised. “How do you have it, something happened to Andrew?”

“Did you know he was a fugitive?”

“Fugitive? Well, I know the guy is big but he didn’t seem like a criminal. What do you mean?”

“You didn’t know he was a replicant, then?”

“No. But it wouldn’t have made much difference for me, to tell the truth. I work with replicants. You’re one. I don’t mind them at all. But I would never imagine he was a rebellious one.”

“In the back, is it your writing?”

He turned the photo on his hands.

“Yes.”

“What does that help he gave you entail?”

“I was a bit lost on the city back then, when we first met. I almost lost a very important meeting because I didn’t know where it was supposed to be. He helped me then. That’s how we became friends. I met him the other times I was there and he donated money to my sister’s and mine’s institution. I had a lot to thank him, really.”

“And the next sentence? It seems like you spent a lot of time with him.”

“The last time we were there, I had more free time and we could hang out more. But my business there were done and I didn’t think I’d go there in a while and I really didn’t.” He stopped then his expression changed into a worried one. “Andrew... Is he-- is he dead?”

“Yes.”

“Did you kill him?”

She delayed. His expression made it harder for her to say, somehow. “Yes.”

He nodded, looking to the floor. It seemed like he was restraining his emotions. “I understand.” He said, in a lower tone.

“Did you now any friends of him? Any ‘family’?”

“No one that he had ever mentioned. He said he didn’t have a family.”

V thought a bit about all she had heard. He did seem honest about all he said.

“If you knew he was a rebellious replicant, would you call the police?”

He thought about it for a moment and sighed.

“... I can’t lie to you. I wouldn’t.”

V was left with not much to say.

“Ok. Thank you for your time.” She stood up. “But one last question. Do you know a Jorge?”

“Jorge? I don’t really remember this name.”

“He is a waiter. In the place that photo was taken.”

“Right, the waiter. What about him?”

“Nothing, never mind. Thank you for answering my questions.”

“I’m always willing to help.” He smiled. V looked into his eyes and got a weird impression she didn’t know really what it was.

She made her way to the door and Mary reappeared.

“I will go with her.”

“Fine, then.” Cedric smiled and Mary smiled back to him.

Once they were out of the house, V expected Mary to say something but she didn’t. They made their way through the garden in silence.

When Mary was opening the portal though, she decided to finally say something. “I hope you have learnt to be less nosy.”

“It’s called ‘investigating’. It’s not so hard to understand the concept. Want me to explain?” Answered V, already prepared for any comeback.

“Well, level up your investigating skills and stop losing people’s time. I wonder what your boss will say about you wasting resources to come here.” Mary closed the portal on her face. “You better get going.”

“My boss will be pleasure to know how you treat officers. Don’t act surprised when you receive a note about disrespecting law officers.

Mary huffed and went back to the mansion.

------

On the way back, V thought about all she got so far. Not really much it did seem like she had lost her time, but Mary was far too defensive someone who had nothing to worry. And Cedric... The vibes she got from him...

Following a weak lead, she didn’t go back to the police station. Instead, she made her way to Wallace corporation.

Once there, she approached the reception where she was greeted by cheerful blonde and blue eyed replicant. She was an overweight model, a model that was made a while ago to show some ‘diversity’ but didn’t sell well; People wanted their replicants to be ‘perfect in every aspect’. A replicant who had flaws and could be mistaken by a normal person wasn’t so attractive. Still, V found the model very charming, specially when she smiled at her.

“Hello and welcome! How can I help you?”

V showed her credentials. “I want to check a client’s backstory.”

The girl seemed to brighten up to see she was from the police.

“Of course! It’s an honour to help the law! What’s the client you’re looking for?”

“The Diggory family.”

The receptionist typed in her computer fast. V saw a name tag on her. Patty. It wasn’t uncommon to replicants of this sort of service to have random names to help the clients dealing with them.

“They have a large registre. Most of the replicants bought were for their business of environment monitoring. Want to look someting specific?”

“What’s their most recent acquisitions?”

“Hmm....” Patty typed more things. “Ah. Sorry, their last transaction is marked here as confidential. I don’t really have access.”

“Can you tell me when it was?”

“Around three years ago.”

V thought about it.

“Is there a way I can know if a replicant was the one bought on this date without looking at the registers?”

“Well...” Patty thought about it. “I don’t know if I should tell you that but helping the police is a priority, I think. if you had DNA samples or the code of the model, then I’d be able to see if it was from that one transaction.”

“Hm. I see. Thank you so much, Patty.” She smiled to the blonde, who smiled back.

“You’re welcome! I’m happy to help-- And sorry I couldn’t do much.”

“You did enough.”

V left, with some ideas in her mind and none of then more thank just a weak guess.

#( original. )#( blade runner au. )

2 notes · View notes

badacts · 7 years

Note

your writing is amazing!! could you write Baltimore/post baltimore andreil in the daemon au pretty pls with extra chocolate on top?

There’s faith, and there’s knowing that Andrew won’t leave withoutseeing Nathaniel first.

The real question will be whether Andrew pauses long enough forNathaniel to apologise before taking his head off. It might end up being forthe best – Nathaniel doesn’t know what to say to him anyway.

Browning’s SUV pulls up in front of a Fed-infested motel and theybundle Nathaniel out. Jacinth is curled over his shoulders, partially obscuredwith an oversized jacket and the folds at the back of his hood. The wounds onher haunches are healing faster than any of his, but she’s not moving any moreathletically than he is right now.

“Twenty minutes,” Browning reminds them as he and his badger daemonlead them up the stairs to the second floor. When he knocks on one of thedoors, it opens a crack to show a suited guard with a scowl on his face and abig Alsatian daemon. He looks at Nathaniel before turning to Browning.

“I don’t like it,” he says.

“Noted. Watch him for a moment,” Browning replies, and steps by himwith a brisk clap. “Listen up, people. You’ve got twenty minutes. Let’s keepthis orderly and have only one person up at a time.”

The guard on the door lets Nathaniel straight through – into a waveof protests from the Foxes all objecting as one to Browning’s proposal.

“Twenty minutes? You’re kidding me,” Dan snaps, before she seesNathaniel in the doorway, hood pulled up around his face. The shift in herexpression isn’t anger – it’s relief, pure and laced with fear. “Neil, oh mygod. Are you alright?”

Nathaniel hasn’t got the words to reply. It’s the sight of them thatdoes him in, bruised and exhausted but still here when he thought he wouldnever see them again. And as much as seeing them is a relief like every softthing in the world, he knows that this is a goodbye. He can’t see himself leaving outthat door without breaking into pieces.

There’s Allison and Renee, with a pair of black eyes and bothRenee’s wrists wrapped like she doled out some serious injuries in the riot.Tau and Zyden are perched side by side on the back of the couch in a riot offeathers. Kevin’s throat is bruised dark, and his face plain with somethinglike grief as Onyx preens his hair from her perch on his shoulder. Nicky is red-eyedand crumpled with Esme in his lap; Matt and Dan are holding each other back andupright at the same time, Matt a total mess; even Aaron looks upset rather thanapathetic.

One pair is missing though. No one is meant to be seriously injured,and Wymack has the excuse of shifting the bus, but Andrew and Amaranth arenowhere to be seen.

There is tight fear in Nathaniel’s voice when he starts to say,“Where’s -”

There’s a slam from behind him, bodies colliding with bad-qualitypanelling. Nathaniel turns just in time to see Andrew push his way inside thedoor, Wymack tight on his heels and forcing the guard aside with the bulk ofhis body. Then there’s the distinctive sound of Amaranth’s high-pitched cry asshe tumbles past in a snarling heap with the Alsatian daemon. It’s a whirl ofnoise and shouting, but Nathaniel’s attention locks down on Browning going forhis gun.

He aims directly for Amaranth, reacting to the threat of her sizeand ferocity. Later Nathaniel will think there probably isn’t much chance ofBrowning actually shooting when his own man’s daemon is so close, but right nowhe just moves.

He grabs at Browning’s arm, pulling him off balance. The pain thatgoes through him almost makes him collapse, but it does the job – he’s in theway himself now, hands held to his belly and burning all over again, andBrowning is unlikely to shoot his prime witness either.

“No,” he says, or thinks he says. Then there’s a hand at the back ofhis neck a bare fraction away from Jacinth’s spine, and he’s going to his kneeson the carpet under the weight of Andrew’s presence at his side. When he openseyes he doesn’t remember closing, his vision is blocked by spiked grey fur –Amaranth, head low between her shoulders as she vibrates with aggression andnoise on every exhale.

Jacinth drops down into Nathaniel’s lap, sniffing desperately at hishands there. It feels like there should be blood, but his bandages stay clean.

“Leave them,” Wymack snaps, voice heavy with fury. He’s standingover them because he and Andrew are handcuffed together, but Nathaniel can’tlook at him or the others trying to get around him because he’s so focussed onAndrew kneeling before him.

Andrew’s expression is still, but there’s inexorable force in theclutch of his fingers when he takes Nathaniel’s chin to examine him. His ownface is marked up with bruises, the signs of a hard fight. That’s Nathaniel’sfault, and he can’t stand the sight of them.

Andrew shoves the hood off of Nathaniel’s head, ignoring both himand Jacinth where she’s curling into his thighs in favour of peeling thebandages from his face. The cuts on his right cheek earn nothing more than aglance over the stitched cuts, but the burns on his other cheek makes Andrewpause.

There’s no shift in his face, but the tightness wound into his bodyis a bad sign.

“Neil,” Amaranth murmurs, her tone indecipherable and barely audibleover Wymack’s, “Fucking Christ, Neil.”

She’s quiet, but Jacinth stiffens all over in response. She’s beencurled up, but unwinds, her face tilting in Amaranth’s direction. Andrew’sdaemon is no longer pulsing with fury, though it’s still there in the tightnessof her spine.

“Amaranth,” Jacinth says in a little voice that wobbles like a sob.She won’t leave Nathaniel’s lap, but Amaranth deals with that by dropping herhuge head down to Jacinth’s level so their foreheads gently bop together. Andrew’shand curls into the front of Nathaniel’s hoodie, all of Amaranth’s same anger inthe shape of his shoulders. Nathaniel wants to touch him very badly, butdoesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead.

Andrew’s teeth grind together and his clenched fist draws backbehind his head, but he doesn’t actually hit Nathaniel. It shakes with theeffort – either from clenching his fingers so tight or from holding back. Nathanielsays nothing until his hand uncurls itself within the restraints of the cuff.

“Say that again and I’ll kill you,” he says. He’s all honesty. Hemeans it down to the core.

“That’s enough,” Browning cuts in. “I’ve already warned you – if youcan’t behave -”

“You’ll what?” Nathaniel dares him over Amaranth’s ruff.

“You are only here because I have allowed it,” Browning reminds him.“Another strike and this little meeting is over once and for all.”

Andrew shifts like he means to stand, but Nathaniel darts in to makea square around his face and capture his attention back. As much as Nathanielunderstands wanting to use violence against Browning right now, it’sunnecessary and troublesome when words will do. He’s watery-bones grateful thatAndrew complies with the unspoken request to stay with him, and that Amaranthis too focussed on Jacinth to bother.

Once Andrew is settled again, Nathaniel looks back to Browning. “I’mhere because without me you don’t have a case. Corpses can’t tell you anything,but I can. This is the cost of that, the one you agreed to pay, so take off thesehandcuffs and give me the twenty minutes our bargaining bought me.”

There’s only one option, and Browning knows it. After a long chillymoment, he gestures the guard forwards to remove the cuffs. Nathaniel doesn’thave to look to know that Amaranth watches the guard and his daemon both untilthey’re out of reach again. He’s busy watching Andrew stretch the fingers ofhis freed hand while Browning and the guard retreat to the door.

Once they’re out of reach, Amaranth presses closer again. She says,quiet, “The attitude is real.”

“We were going to tell you,” Jacinth murmurs back.

“Do not lie,” Andrew says, dull.

“We’re not. We wanted to tell you last night, but they were waiting,”Neil replies.

“Who was waiting?” Browning asks.

Without a pause, Nathaniel switches to German. “The ‘guards’ werethere for me – my father’s people. I thought if I kept quiet they wouldn’t hurtthe rest of you. I didn’t know they’d planned a riot.” He taps very lightlyagainst the stark bruise by Andrew’s eye.

“The martyrdom play doesn’t suit you,” Andrew replies.

“So you keep telling me,” Nathaniel says. “It kept you all alivethis time, though. A riot’s more survivable than a bullet.” Because that hadbeen the alternative.

“Shut up,” Andrew tells him.

“I must have made it to ninety-four by now.”

“You are at one hundred,” Andrew says. “What happened to your face?”

“Dashboard lighter,” Nathaniel says, swallowing against the bile inhis throat. Jacinth makes a noise of remembered agony, like a whine. The soundNicky makes is worse, a moan in his throat. When Nathaniel turns to look, heaccidently flashes his burns to the rest of the Foxes.

Kevin flinches so hard he nearly unsettles Onyx, hand to his owncheek. Aaron has moved to Nicky’s side, Celeste letting Esme cling to her. It’sMatt who demands, “Neil, what the hell did they do to you?”

Abby has been hovering at a distance, her helper’s hands twitchingat her sides, but that seems to be the last straw for her. Nathaniel watchesher come around the bed before Andrew presses his face around and turns to herto snarl, “Get away from us.”

“He’s hurt, Andrew. Let me help him,” Abby says, hands out likeshe’s facing off with a wild animal. It’s probably fair: Amaranth has risen andturned to face her, and she’s not growling anymore but her stance alone is awarning.

“Don’t make him repeat himself,” she says in her rough voice,clearly audible. It’s so shocking that Abby pauses mid-step to stare. Amaranthis speaking because Andrew seems to have lost his words again to fury –Nathaniel has shredded his control down to the bones.

It’s an anger that will not touch Nathaniel. He pushes his fingersinto Andrew’s hair and tugs it softly until he has his attention.

“I just came from the hospital,” he says to Abby, without lookingaway. “There’s nothing you can do for me right now.”

“Neil -”

“Please,” Nathaniel says,and it must work, because the tension in Andrew’s fingers at his face finallyeases. Without moving his hand, he murmurs in German, “Did they tell you who Ireally am?”

“I choked the answers out of Kevin before they got the chance,”Andrew replies coolly. “He said your father would kill you. So how are youalive?”

“My uncle had him executed,” Nathaniel replies. Andrew choked Kevin– that explains the bruises, but Nathaniel can’t quite put it together in hishead. It seems impossible, for all Andrew just risked a gunshot wound to get inarm’s reach of them. He tentatively presses a hand to Andrew’s heart over hisshirt, at once certain and unsure of his welcome. “I thought this would all endwith him killing me, too. It seems too easy that he’s dead and I’m alive.”

“Was it easy?”

“Not even he could survive a chest full of bullets,” Nathanielreplies. “My uncle thinks he can make a deal with the people he worked for. Idon’t know if it’ll work, but I hope he wouldn’t have made such a bold move ifhe didn’t have something to offer. Just tell me no one has told the FBI aboutany of this.”

“None of them have said anything since they refused to let us seeyou,” Amaranth replies, pressing her weight into Andrew’s side. There’s solittle space between the four of them that Jacinth finally creeps out ofNathaniel’s lap and into the shelter of Amaranth’s body.

“But why?” Nathaniel asks.

Jacinth says, “We’ve done nothing but lie and put them in danger.They could have all been killed last night. Why protect us now?”

“Because you’re Foxes,” Andrew replies, simple as silence.

That answer finishes the job of cracking Nathaniel through thecentre. He swallows hard through the tightness in his throat, trying to push itaside but failing. His voice is crooked when he says, “They want to take us andhide us so the rest of my father’s people can’t finish what he started. I don’twant to go but – if you tell me to, I will.”

If that happens, the cracks will widen and he’ll shatter. He thinksthat is more than clear from his tone, all yearning, but he knows Andrew wouldhave heard it even if it wasn’t. He feels a burst of protectiveness throughAmaranth and Jacinth in turn, in time with the tug of the finger Andrew hooksinto Nathaniel’s shirt. It feels like a key in his hand. It feels like home.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Andrew says, a promise, in Englishbecause he’s starting a fight even as he ends the one inside of Nathaniel. “You’restaying with us. If they try to take you away they will lose.”

#andreil #the foxhole court #my fic #hdm au #prompts #baltimore #injuries #burns #i've written a shitload today fear me #if this is full of mistakes i'm almost sorry #but not really #Anonymous

262 notes · View notes