#this is why i am very intensely aware of someone when they say i never said something or claim i did or say i said the opposite

[primofate]

Confessions Series - Part 2: Description [Genshin Impact Male Characters]

In a nutshell: He asks if you have your eyes set on someone. You start describing HIS features and watch for his reaction. (Hint: He likes you too)

Other works in this series: (Part 1 - Overheard)

Warnings: The usual, haven't written in a while, please forgive mistakes, bit of angst in Diluc (couldn't help it), I am a sleep deprived mother, some profanity, for some reason did not feel like writing Zhongli though he's one of my faves.

Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Baizhu, Bennett, Chongyun, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Gaming, Heizou, Itto, Kaeya, Lyney, Neuvillette, Scaramouche, Tartaglia, Wriothesley, Xiao, gn!reader

Personal Favourites: Diluc, Wriothesley

Aether

"Yeah, I do," you start. "He's very selfless...He's always running around helping other people,"

Aether nods, intense gaze in his eyes while listening.

"Hmm...He has...a partner. Like a companion he always travels with..."

Aether's brows start to furrow and his head tilts the slightest bit. Paimon flying next to him has no clue who it is whatsoever.

"He's not originally from Teyvat...He's on a journey, you see..." this is where you start getting nervous

You see it click in Aether's head slowly, and his eyes start to widen the slightest bit

"Hey, that sounds an awful lot like you, traveller! Why have we never met this person before, Y/N?" Paimon asks and you only smile.

"P-Paimon," Aether glances at her and then back to you. It's silent for a moment. Paimon is super confused.

But Aether being Aether didn't want to get the wrong idea and racks up the courage to ask you one last question. "He's on a journey...to look for his twin sister?"

You smile the brightest smile you've ever given him. "Correct!"

"Ah...Well..." Aether starts to feel the heat on his cheeks. "That's..." he doesn't say anything else for a few seconds. "Don't get me wrong, I'm just...I'm happy!"

Is basically flustered when he realizes you've technically just confessed to him.

Albedo

"Simply put, I think he's dedicated to his craft," You shrug and smile

"...An admirable trait," he responds.

"He's frequently in Dragonspine. He spends a bit of time in his lab there," you decide to just go straight for the obvious.

Albedo pauses. "I...see..." Turns to you with a small smile "I wasn't aware that you were that fond of me,"

"Now you know," you simply say and try to play it off with a wave of your hand.

He chuckles under his breath and strides over to you while saying. "Well then, I suppose it's my turn to talk about the person I've set my eyes on,"

Proceeds to describe you accurately, down to your likes and dislikes. In his eyes, you seem like something so precious and you can't help but feel a bit embarrassed.

Alhaitham

"Hmm... Sort of," you explain. "He's a little...hard to reach,"

Alhaitham "...and you still pursue him?"

You laugh a bit "I'm hardly pursuing him, I'm just...observing. I like watching him, even though he has the most unreadable face I've seen,"

Alhaitham goes quiet for a moment. He catches on fast, he already has an idea but is cautious about what he says. "...I see," he doesn't ask anything else, but you continue to offer information.

"He likes reading. Really smart guy...but kind of no nonsense type. Very straight to the point," You begin to feel a little nervous so you pretend to read your own book with a small shrug.

The silence is deafening.

"I suspect that type of person will be hard to put up with," he suddenly says aloud and you chuckle in response.

"Possibly, but he seems to be putting up with me too...I guess?"

He suddenly closes his book and leans forward to pry the one in your hands away. He locks his gaze with you. "...'Putting up' is hardly the word I would use." his lips twitch the slightest bit before continuing. "He has little to no patience for other people...so if he keeps you around...perhaps it signals something else,"

"Something else...As in, I'm special?"

Again he quiets for a moment, before he stands up, chair scraping the floor. "...Precisely," he turns to start walking out of the library, waving a hand behind him. "I'll pick you up in the morning tomorrow,"

Ayato

"I do, but he's a very busy sort of man,"

Ayato "Is that so?" he pours tea for you.

"Quite. He's also a very important person,"

He hums and watches the billowing steam from the tea. "It sounds as if I might know this person," but he genuinely doesn't know it's him, he just thinks its another noble.

"...You most definitely know him. He has a sister. Lovely girl." This is where you avert your gaze from him in fear of him instantly connecting the dots.

He talks in pauses "A...sister..." His mind is starting to make connections but he can't be quite sure yet. So he prods further. "...Does she happen to have a vision?"

"A cryo vision holder, yes," you're biting the inside of your lip at this point. There's a moment of silence before you hear Ayato laughing rather gleefully, like he was amused by a story.

"I see." he ends with a chuckle. "I apologize for being so busy, Y/N," he smiles at you "I promise I'll do my best to arrange my priorities in order to spend more time with you,"

Baizhu

"He takes his job too seriously and can be quite reckless...Sometimes he even puts himself in danger,"

Changsheng catches on immediately. The snake had already known for a while. Baizhu was just being dense. "Oh here we go," the snake half whines.

Baizhu gives it a weird look before turning his attention back to you. "That does sound reckless,"

"I've told him a couple of times to think about himself too...but I guess he's just really passionate about his job,"

Baizhu sort of shrugs, "What IS his job?"

"...Well for starters he owns a pharmacy around town,"

To Baizhu the realization hits all too slowly. It's not that he was slow or dense, but he was having a hard time believing that it was him you were talking about, specially when you hadn't said it outfront.

"...You do realize I'm the only one who owns a pharmacy around town?" he asks, eyes piercing through you and awaiting your answer.

Changsheng is the one who answers for you. "Yes you ridiculous doctor, Y/N's pertaining to you!"

It's the first time you've seen him blush and he turns his head away when he does so. "I-I see, well...that's rather, unexpected...but not unwelcome,"

Clears his throat "Just give me a moment"

Changsheng would roll its eyes if it could.

Bennett

"Has a lot of energy...Sometimes I wonder where he gets all of it. I really like him for that though."

Deflates as soon as you start talking about your "crush". What kind of answer was he expecting anyway? That you had eyes for him?

"He has a bit of a...problem when it comes to luck," you continue

Bennett stops, you look at him and you can practically see the gears in his head starting to turn a little faster.

"Y-Y/N? Are you talking about..." then the gears suddenly stop. "Oh what am I saying, it can't be. Ahahaha! Let's go!" starts walking again as if nothing happened

Your jaw drops and you're forced to just DIRECTLY tell him you're talking about him.

"...Oh...Oh! F-For real?! Oh...Sorry... I just thought... there's no way! B-But, I'm really glad! Really!"

Chongyun

"Hmm...He's a little shy...but he's very responsible,"

Chongyun stares at you intently and nods as if taking notes.

"He doesn't like spicy stuff,"

Chongyun nods twice, eagerly.

"He's very dedicated in learning about thaumaturgy,"

Chongyun blanks out, brows furrow but still nods. Slowly.

"He's really good with a claymore too!"

Chongyun stops and stares at you, you see a hint of red gracing his cheeks "Y/N...You can't possibly be...talking about... m-m-m-"

Can't seem to say it, so you outright say that it is, in fact, him.

Combusts into a tomato red

Cyno

"How do I say this...He's a pretty strict guy." The two of you are playing Invokation TCG during this convo.

"Mmhmm..." Cyno is focused on his cards, frankly he doesn't give a craps ass who you're into. He didn't even know why he asked, he just dug himself a hole.

"...but he really only takes his work seriously. It's his job to be serious, I guess. I think that's what Matras need to do," he finished his turn and its yours now, though he's still studying his cards intently. Until you get to the Matra part.

"He's a Matra?" You rarely see a surprised face on Cyno so you focus your gaze on him. "Which one?" He further asks. Honestly he looks about to murder someone.

You blank out a bit at how intense his stare was, "Well...You know. That one, the one who's really into Invokation TCG,"

He immediately follows up without missing a beat "I don't know anyone else who's into--" then it clicks.

It was so damn silent for a good 10 seconds. You clear your throat, tear your eyes off him "Um, it's your turn,"

STILL doesn't budge until he finally goes back to his cards with a whisper, you can't really tell but he looks slightly bashful and you can barely, BARELY hear him "...If I win then we go on a date,"

"Okay, and if you lose?"

Cyno "...I'm not gunna lose,"

"See, I told you he's a really serious guy,"

Dainsleif

"I think he's a very dedicated person," you get lost in thought a little, thinking about him. "Whenever I look at him...Sometimes I feel as if there's a certain sadness in him... Perhaps he blames himself for not being able to protect his nation,"

He IMMEDIATELY knows. And he knows that you hurt for him too. How could he not?

"He searches for answers... I don't know for how long, I suppose a long, long time," you close your eyes, imagining how long he must have been wandering Teyvat.

You only open your eyes when you feel a hand brush against yours. He's looking straight at you, neither happy nor sad. "...You don't have to feel that way, for my circumstances,"

The brush against your hand disappears and reappears next to your cheek, his fingers gently resting on it "...Knowing that you feel that way, has taken away some of the burden that I shoulder,"

His gaze suddenly hardens and his voice drops to a whisper, "But please, just don't end up in the same way as everyone else,"

Diluc (I don't know why I end up writing a whole novel for this guy. I guess he's my OG favourite)

You pause for a moment, wondering how to describe Diluc. "...Sometimes... I feel as if I know a lot about him and yet... he's still far off in the distance,"

Diluc, rifling through paperwork, doesn't even look at you. "...That tells me nothing about him," there's a bit of bite in his statement.

You sigh a little, "I mean, simply said he's a hardworking man. He always has Mondstadt's best interests in mind...but he prefers to work alone,"

He's silent, but you can still hear the paper shuffling.

"....but people love him. They care for him. I suppose I understand why he keeps a distance but..." at this point you don't even realize that you're just rambling and staring into space. Sort of in a daze of thinking out loud. "...isn't it lonely? ...I suppose I shouldn't assume how he feels. Maybe he's fine with it...I just wonder how long till he sees us..." there's silence, no ruffle of papers, you're still just staring at the bookshelf and you continue in a monotone voice. "...or sees me,"

You blink, and all of a sudden its as if a magic spell is cast on you and you wake up to the reality that you've been rambling about him. You sit up straight "Oh," then turn to him with a careful smile. You don't think he knows what or who you're talking about anyway. "I better get going," you stand, "Jean must be waiting for me."

You leave, and he doesn't stop you.

You don't really think anything of it, feeling as if your whole monologue was very vague...but to your surprise he knocks at your door in the evening, there's a bit of rain falling.

"Diluc? You're drenche--"

"I see you,"

The determination in his voice lulls you to keep quiet and only stare up at him, wondering if he had more to say, but instead of saying something, he leans in, wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead on your shoulder, as if he had been defeated.

You only welcome his embrace, and, for the first time in a long time. Diluc finally feels like he's home.

Gaming

"Passion!" You nod your head as you say it. "He knows what he wants to do and is incredibly dedicated to it!"

Gaming looks surprised, has no idea you're talking about him. "Huh! That's really cool!" He thinks he's the total opposite. "Wish I could be as dedicated as him."

You kind of laugh out loud and he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head. "What?"

"Gosh you really sell yourself short," you shake your head "Anyway, this guy, right, he kinda works two jobs," you put out your hand to count one and two "One, for the Secure Transport Agency and two, he's in a Wushou Troupe,"

Gaming instantly straightens his back and looks at you wide-eyed. You figure you had to be direct when it came to him otherwise he'd never get it with how modest he was.

"...You're...talking about...me?" You smile at him sympathetically.

"You know, Gaming, I wish you saw yourself the way others saw you. You're a great person,"

Big smile, but legit looks like he's about to cry. "Between the two of us? I think you're greater Y/N,"

Heizou

"...Honestly he's kind of a flirt," you raise your eyebrows at the fact and kind of question yourself why you like this kind of person. "Makes me wonder if he does that to everyone, you know?"

Heizou hums and puts his hand under his chin in a "thinking position"

"That's not enough evidence to go by. Perhaps we can investigate this guy together to see if he's worthy,"

You look at him, pursing your lips while musing and giving him a suspicious look. You're not sure if he's figured it out.

He's got no idea. I mean, it was a pretty general description. "Any distinguishing features?" he asks.

You look at him in a deadpan manner. "Red hair, I guess. And moles under his eyes,"

He looks back at you with a matching blank face.

Then breaks into a wide, close eyed grin. "I see! From experience, that person is truly trustworthy,"

You sigh a little, "Is he though?"

He chuckles heartily. "I promise you he is," offers you his hand with a genuine smile. "Let me show you,"

Itto

"Ummm... big, tall, strong looking guy. Intimidating at first look but he's actually a dork," you explain.

Itto crosses his arms above his chest with an unamused face. "Tch! No way! Ain't no one taller than me in Inazuma!" Then he looks smug again. "Anyway, keep goin'. What else?" Only asked you because he wants to see what your "type" is.

"...Popular? Nah... Infamous is the word, I think. He kinda gets into a lot of trouble,"

Itto raises a brow "You serious? Whaddyou want with someone like that?" as if he wasn't a troublemaker himself.

"I mean... He also loves life and somehow always sees the good side of things."

Itto "Eh... guess that's a good thing..." folds his arms behind his head and huffs.

This guy is never gunna get it so you drop more obvious hints. "He's an oni who has his own gang."

For a split second he looked like he was going to get it, and then... "WHAT?! There's another oni who wants to challenge the Arataki Gang?"

"That's not what I--"

punches his fist onto his palm "Lead the way Y/N, let me at 'em!"

"I'm talking about you!"

"Huh?"

"Itto, there's no other oni around town!" leave it to him to make you exasperated.

He quiets for a few seconds. "...But Y/N..."

You expectantly stare at him, curious what he was going to say about your confession.

"...Did you just call me a dork?"

Of course that's what he picks up on.

When he finally processes it though, he's stoked and on an all time high.

Kaeya

"...good at talking to people, and he knows it... Exudes charisma like he breathes air," You're saying this with a glare.

He chuckles and rests his head on his fist. "Why, pray tell, do you look angry when saying that?"

"Not angry..." you mumble under your breath, eyes trailing away from him. "Just... probably a lot of people like him,"

"And you don't like that?" He smirks. He totally knows.

"...No...Well...I'm okay with it... It's just... I think he's so much more than what he shows to others,"

That, he wasn't expecting. He actually feels genuinely touched.

"Sure he jokes around a lot...Is good at making people feel comfortable...but he's also kind...and you can always count on him," there's a faraway gaze in your eyes now, a small smile on your face. "To me, he's...a safe space."

Kaeya's smile drops. It looks like he's unhappy and you think that maybe you've made a mistake. Still...there's no way he knows that it's him, right? It was kinda vague...

You're about to stand and excuse yourself but he catches your wrist easily. "...You know..." he starts, meeting you eye to eye. He looks at you as if he's looking into your soul, his eyes the gentlest you've seen them.

"You make it so hard, not to fall deeper in love with you,"

Lyney (I have no idea how this ended up so dramatic)

"He isn't exactly a trickster...but he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve,"

Lyney "Oh?" Raises an eyebrow. Something kind of clicks in him, but he shakes it off. "The good kind or the bad kind?"

You stall a little, thinking of the answer, knowing that he's Fatui. "The...good...kind,"

"You don't sound very sure," he gives you a lopsided smile.

"It's complicated," you admit. "Regardless of the circumstances though, I think he's a great magician,"

You watch his face turn into surprise quite quickly, but he still looks and feels unsure of himself. "Oh, perhaps...I can learn a thing or two from him?"

Your smile turns forced and hard. He can't be serious? He STILL doesn't know, or...what?

"I...Well..." You don't know what to say next, but he seems to get the idea.

"Sorry, have I put you in a hard place? Ahaha..." Scratches the back of his head. "My apologies, I was just curious,"

This, for some reason, really puts you off and you feel as if you've been rejected, even though you technically had not outright told him that you're talking about him.

It seems silly for you to get upset, but you are. So you stand, and make a request of him. "Can we... just pretend this conversation didn't happen?" and you give him some sort of excuse that you need to run an errand or something, and you're off, leaving him feeling...guilty. But he doesn't know why. Or does he?

Lyney would look like the type of person who would be confident about himself. But, really, as a magician, he had to be 1000% sure about something before he went ahead with it, and so...that's where his doubt stemmed from.

Lynnette is really the one who knocks some sense into him. "...and you...let Y/N leave?" after hearing the story from him.

"Oh, Lyney... Regardless of what Y/N feels... For you, next to Freminet and I, is there someone else that you love dearly?"

That's how he ends up at your doorstep. Though you've seen his disappearing rose trick hundreds of times, he was the most sincere at that moment, when he says sorry that he didn't get the hint and to give him a chance.

Neuvillette

"Serious person. He seems to put his work first, above all else," you say. "I respect him a lot for that,"

Neuvillette is interested in what you say, but doesn't know at all that it's him. "He does sound quite respectable," he says while looking through some files.

"A long time ago he said that he feels like he's an outsider...but really I feel like there isn't anyone who knows Fontaine the way that he does,"

Neuvillette, moves the file he was reading downwards, just to look at you questioningly. "He's from Fontaine?" this was surprising to him.

"Well...he currently resides in Fontaine, yes," you nod.

"Ah," he answered curtly. "And I have never met him?" he asks.

"...He's very busy." you bite your lip, about to say something and you know that the next sentence is the point of no return. "He's the Iudex...so it's hard to catch him,"

You swear you can hear your heart hammering in your chest.

You see him put his files down and just stare at you with a sort of...unsure look.

His shoulders relax, he wasn't even aware he had been tense that whole time. "That... must have taken a lot of consideration and courage to say," he clears his throat.

You only nod your head slowly, moving your gaze away from him with an awkward smile. Hand absentmindedly grabbing a book and flipping through the pages...you had no idea what you were doing out of nervousness.

"I apologize...I'm unfamiliar with what to do in these kinds of situations... However," he pauses and seems to think carefully about what he was going to say next. "Please don't take it as a rejection. I'd be honored to navigate this with you, if you would so graciously have me,"

Scaramouche

"He's an asshole," you bite back a laugh.

He instantly knows.

"Actually he acts all tough only to give in to his inner-kind-of-agreeable-personality,"

He snorts

"What? Am I wrong?" you challenge him. You KNOW that he knows. The two of you have been hovering around each other for a while, and there's a certain closeness between the two of you. Though that line was never crossed.

He doesn't answer you back but prods you more. "Is that all? You like that he's an asshole? Are you some type of masochist?"

You almost laugh. "No, you moron. I'm saying he has a weird way of showing he cares. He's always biting my head about not being careful enough. But if he really didn't care he wouldn't be screaming at me, you know what I mean?"

Scaramouche grumbles something under his breath and crosses his arms, turning away from you.

"Say that again?" You ask, not hearing what he said.

"...I said, you're not as stupid as I thought you were," shrugs his concealed embarrassment off and turns back to you all nonchalant again. "Anyway, stop yapping and get going, we got things to do,"

Snatches your hand and starts pulling you to walk with him.

Tartaglia (I feel like this is ridiculously short but I also feel like Tartaglia would have known a LONG time ago if the two of you had the feels for each other)

"Oh man...Probably the most reckless man I know,"

Also knows. Instantly. But shuts his mouth just so he can listen to you talk about him, but it gets deep real quick.

"In my opinion he's a handsome guy. Real charming," you smirk the tiniest bit. "but I don't know if I can keep up with him, honestly. It's a little hard not knowing when he's going to come back...or if he's even gunna come back at all,"

You weren't going to hide the fact that you were scared shitless he didn't return from Fontaine for ages. You legitimately thought he had died.

Tartaglia stops you there, by suddenly cradling your cheek. "Y/N," he's wearing a pained expression. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be, it's your job, right?" You reassure him, and shrug.

He sighs "Yes, but I'll promise this to you as I've promised my family," he smiles, the most confident smile you've seen on him. Even more confident than when he wields his blades. "I'll come back to you, I always will,"

Wriothesley

"Er... How do I say this... He kind of has some... big boss energy?"

"Oh?" he sips at his tea, glancing at you while he looks at today's paper. "So he's a bigshot?" he asks curiously.

"Somewhat, yes. Intimidating at first look, but...he just has a great sense of responsibility," you pick at the selection of cakes and cookies he has.

"Huh," he lets out in a quick huff. In the deepest, DEEPEST parts of his mind there is a NANOSECOND that he thinks its him but it gets erased so quickly he's not even sure that he had thought about it.

"Sounds like a good person... Any interesting, weird quirks?" he grins as he says this, yet again glancing at your expression.

Your lips tremble a bit at what you're about to say, because you're SURE he was going to get it once you say it. You gulp and feel the hairs at the back of your neck stand before you say out loud "He likes tea. I kind of wonder if it's an addiction," you can't meet his eyes.

He's looking at the paper he's reading but nothing.registers.in.his.brain.its.like.it.stopped.working.

You shift in the uncomfortable silence but he calmly folds up the newspaper and places it on his table. "...I'm inclined to ask, because it would be embarrassing if I got the wrong idea,"

"Mmhmm," you pop a cookie in your mouth to distract yourself.

"By any chance, are you...talking about me?"

"Mm," you nod your head, still not looking at him and glue your eyes on the cookies instead, out of embarrassment.

Suddenly chuckles. You brave a peek at him, now covering his eyes with a single hand, head tipped back to rest on his chair.

You're not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

"Sorry, no, it's just... I didn't think it would happen this way." Visibly takes in a big breath and sighs it out slowly. Seems to have regained his composure and is back to his confident self, smiling at you. "Thanks Y/N, I... don't think it's much of a secret that I enjoy your company too. I'm just a little embarrassed that you beat me to it...some big boss energy huh?"

Xiao

"...He takes on everything by himself. I worry about him," You look at the stars as you say this. Xiao doesn't say anything.

"But I'm glad that he's opening up a lot more now. It's great to see him among friends,"

Xiao has a feeling at this point, that its him you're talking about, but he still doesn't say anything and keeps his gaze in front of him rather than on you.

"Yes, the road in front of him is long but...he's also already come a long way," you sigh a little "The time of Rex Lapis has long gone, but he still sticks to his principles. I think his dedication is part of what I like about him,"

This is when he turns to you, blank look on his face, contemplating on what to do. When you turn to meet his gaze, its then that he decides to bridge the gap between the two of you, shoulder to shoulder, leaning in sideways to catch your lips in a chaste and rather shy kiss.

"You should give a bit of credit to yourself, for putting up with me all these years, Y/N,"

End!

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Here’s the Masterlist

#genshin impact #genshin fluff #neuvillette x reader #wriothesley x reader #diluc x reader #alhaitham x reader #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #gaming x reader #scaramouche x reader #itto x reader #aether x reader #cyno x reader #albedo x reader #ayato x reader

[etoilesbienne]

out of curiosity, what are the common qEtoiles mischaracterizations, and the accurate characterizations you wished people used more? Sincerely, an English speaking fan who is re-learning French!

honestly i kind of consider it a mischaracterization when people like... make etoiles into this team leader who always knows what to do and move things forward. or like that he has a bad attitude to like... match his fighting skills. or like the dark knight brooding warrior. he says he is these things. these are lies. he lies about himself constantly. i wouldnt trust a good 2/3 of the things he says about himself to be true. you read him clearer through his actions than his statements.

in my opinion etoiles is more like. sturdy second in command. he's not there to lead, he's there to fill in the holes where they pop up. he's there as cover. he's quick witted in shortchange scenarios, but that is so not the same thing as a genuine strategist. in another expression, if someone is a leader, the leader is a doctor, etoiles's role is more like... the EMS team in an ambulance. He's not there to fix your problem, he's there to keep your problem covered until you can get someone else to fully fix it. but that doesn't mean his role is any less important when he's needed.

Etoiles is also, like, so very much a team player if he respects and trusts a person. And it is so easy to have his respect and trust. His trust starts at 100% for everyone. he's also so very very very good at reading people (gesture to the bbh clip where bbh moves his mouse slightly downward and etoiles calls him out on being depressed). He read Mousey as enjoying dungeons and pvp way more and wanting to hang out with her. He's also one of the only people who like continuously runs in the girlies group and makes all of them pvp with him and they all love it so he keeps coming back to pvp with them. Thats how he started his whole thing with Tina and pvping with her constantly. Reading other people also, he loves finding other pvpers so he attacks roier constantly now bc he knows roier can pvp.

What else OH Etoiles loves whining (and this is because Rayou loves whining) that dude will just complain constantly. You haven't seen an etoiles stream if youve never seen him whine. Can't say I'm not kind of endeared by it. With this too he loves over explaining things (RIP armor powerpoint wish you couldve been given...) because he wants to help everyone....

OH and he's very over exaggerated too in replying to people in a complaining way and a self deprecating way and also likes to try to push the envelope with people and he does all of that to try and get a laugh out of others. like he's well aware people find him going "Oh so you don't give a shit about me and want me to die ? you want etoiles to die ?" fucking hilarious and also loves complaining in the first place thats why he does that. if your etoiles isn't complaining and whining then it isn't etoiles. the self deprecating thing is... its interesting bc he does have full faith in his abilities but will never say it out loud unless its trying to reassure someone who is worried. pushing the envelope is so specific he won't do it too much and its like........... from what ive seen (correct me if im wrong) heavily directed at non francophones where if they laugh at something wack he's done he'll try to do it again to make them laugh more. shoutout to the time he made bbh laugh so much when he cursed he didn't get languaged by bbh so he kept cursing to try to make bbh do it again. the dudes a total people pleaser.

smaller thing ive talked about extensively already (u can prob find it in my q!etoiles tag if i remember i'll edit a link to the posts in here soon lol) etoiles hates losing he looooooves winning he's very intense about it lol. its cute!

on a final note even if you don't become deeply unwell about etoiles like i am i think this highlight clip video has like everything he's like condensed into like 11 minutes. You should watch it. It's a good starting point.

#qsmp #q!etoiles #asks #hope this helps. Ahehe

[cinnamonest]

Yandere Profile - Baizhu

When I tell you I adore this man so much, he's so underappreciated and I intend to do my best to do him justice

ft. Changsheng the enabler and Qiqi the liability

WARNINGS: fem reader, dubcon/noncon, abduction, heavy drugging content, mentions of force feeding against a hunger strike, emotional manipulation of a child, homicide

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

If one had to describe his nature in a singular word, it would be careful.

Incredibly, meticulously careful. There is not one single step taken that has not been perfectly planned out ahead of time, multiple possibilities and issues thought through and accounted for. He would not rush into something of this nature unprepared, and more importantly, his cautiousness comes from another trait he has in abundance: determination. Dedication to seeing a goal through, the firm resolution that he will obtain what he desires, one way or another, with no regard to what measures need to be taken to do so, nor how long it will take.

Not to mention, from a moral perspective, one might be surprised at how indifferent he is to the notion of doing something... unethical. People tend to associate medical professionals with some sort of assumed overall moral good, that someone who dedicates their life to the pursuit of the health of others must be a morally sound person in all areas of life by default.

Well, that is true to an extent. He does want to stay within ethical bounds. He's a generally good and compassionate person, yes, and would never go out of his way to harm anyone for the sake of it. He doesn't bear any malice towards anyone. He will inconvenience or burden himself if it means doing the right thing, when the right thing does not pose any risk to him and his goals. And when it's things he doesn't care too much about, he will relinquish a goal if he realizes it would do harm. So overall, it would be correct to say that he is a morally sound person.

But if violating certain commonly agreed-upon ethical boundaries is necessary to obtain his most fervent desires... well.

He's perfectly well-aware. He's self-aware, for starters, acutely so. He knows exactly what he feels and why, knows it is of abnormal degree, and knows what it will inevitably lead to. He knows that both from a social and ethical standpoint, such things are wrong, that it violates society's conventions and standards (not to mention laws) of what is acceptable behavior by limiting another's freedoms and violating their autonomy. It's not even something he really needs to reflect on. He just notices and becomes aware of an intense emotion, recognizes that emotion and its degree of severity, and draws an immediate logical conclusion as to what will happen depending on how he chooses to handle that emotion and how each course of action is perceived by society. Very simple, really.

It's lamentable — he himself has reflected on this to himself multiple times, often speaking aloud to Changsheng about it behind closed doors.

How troublesome that even I am not immune to these sorts of desires...In the end, the nature and instinct of any given creature is immutable, I suppose.

She rarely has anything to offer other than vague warnings of not letting it spiral out of control, which he assures will not happen.

But oh well. Sure, it's inconvenient, but there is no point in fighting something as innate as one's own feelings in this area of things. Suppressing the emotions would be a waste, so it is much wiser and more efficient to simply accept them, then work through how he intends to handle them.

Cautious, intelligent, perceptive, patient, self-aware, willing to violate ethics, and of an indomitable resolve. This combination of traits is, as you might imagine, more or less one of the worst hands of fate that could be dealt to whoever is targeted by the individual possessing them.

He's an easy person to warm up to, though. Very likable and pleasant. He's not nervous around you or anything, and gives no hint of any ill intent, so you have no reason to suspect anything. Well, he might be just a bit overbearing towards you, just barely noticeably touchy or insistent, but it's nothing that strikes you as indicative of anything you should genuinely be concerned over.

Except for this... aura. While nothing he does really concerns you, there is almost some tangible feeling of something being "off" in a way you can't really articulate nor explain. Regardless, he's been helpful and kind to you, so you brush it off as nothing.

There's also distinct lack of the intense outward expression of emotion usually associated with obsessive lovers and abductors and the like. He's fairly... calm about it all. Perhaps it's an ability stemming from his meticulous and careful planning to eliminate risk, or perhaps it's that he has full and acute self-awareness and accurate perception and understanding of himself and why he feels what he does. Or perhaps it's just his nature. Maybe some combination of all of the above. But even at his worst moments, he has a fairly calm aura about him, nothing seems to bother or upset him too much. He always seems to have calculated for every potential misstep or complication.

He does make an attempt to grow closer to you, though. He's masterful with an ability to orchestrate encounters that genuinely seem to be coincidence, as well as creating inconveniences for you that will lead you to seek him out. If anything, you're usually apologizing for doing so, since he seems so busy... but he dismisses it with a wave of his hand, assures you that it's fine, that he's very happy to be of assistance to you.

This, too, isn't just because he enjoys your presence, but it's also a preparatory measure in and of itself. The more familiar you are with him, the closer you consider yourself to be with him, the easier of a time he'll have handling you when the time inevitably comes that he'll have to take certain courses of action that you may disapprove of, to say the least. He needs all the endearment to you he can get before that happens.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

He's a bit conflicted, can't really decide if he wants to or not. His reluctance isn't really based in morality nor fear; he's not particularly concerned with the former on this matter, and he's fully confident he can successfully pull it off, so no need for nervousness.

Rather, he has the sort of possessive, primal desire to take you all for himself, one that he recognizes as a rash instinct that he needs to carefully ponder, and yet, he realizes that the direct consequence of acting on those desires would cause him to fall out of favor with you. He does love your smiles you give him, how nice you've been to him, your kind words, and he knows that would disappear, only to be replaced with resentment and fear, the moment he takes you away from your life.

He often sighs and mumbles to himself about it. What to do, what to do.... such a frustrating predicament.

Human nature is fascinating, isn't it? He's so consciously aware that this is abnormal and unwell, that he should attempt to resolve it, yet he has no desire to resolve it, only craving to further indulge in it. Yet he wants to be certain that he doesn't take any rash action, that he knows what he's doing through and through.

So, he refrains, at least for some time. However, it's not an attempt to refrain permanently — he knows full well that eventually, he will act on his desires, that it's only a matter of time. But for now, he wants to savor every word, every interaction, every smile, until he knows he will eventually cave in, and those things will be gone. He also reasons that, as aforementioned, by knowing you and being acquainted with you longer under your normal life and circumstances, he can attempt to endear himself to you and grow closer to you in that time, which will, he hopes, ease the transition when you no longer have your freedoms, that you will be more inclined to forgive him and act with empathy for him rather than hostility.

However, should he happen upon a coincidence, the stars align and the pieces all fall into place so perfectly without him having to arrange it, well, he'll certainly take the opportunity that presents itself. You show up complaining of fever or headache or something of that nature, and in your discomfort, it doesn't quite occur to you how unusual and seemingly irrelevant the questions he's asking you are—

I assume you let someone know where you were headed when you left home? ...No? Oh, I see....

You don't by chance have anywhere you'll be expected to be in the next short while, would you?

—and it won't, until it's too late.

Otherwise, should the opportunity not arise on its own, he has to wait. The days pass. A few months in total. But the longing and the ache and the scalding feeling of intense jealousy when he sees you with others, it all becomes too much, and he's forced to put into motion a plan he has now had quite some time to prepare for. Invite you over for "something important" with perfect timing, memorizing your schedule to hopefully ensure that it will happen before you see anyone whom you might inform of where you're going. From there, once he has you inside, it's no effort at all from that point forward.

He has a remarkable ability to give off this calm, nonthreatening aura, combined with a gentle and charming voice that lulls you into a sense of safety, that keeps you from noticing anything strange about what he's doing, even if you do still have that faint sense of unease in the back of your mind. It feels sweet and endearing, really, that you trust him so.

So he goes through with it. Sets up the necessary steps, and executes the plan as predetermined.

And then he tells you about it.

Once it's already too late, of course. You already drank what you were given without any hint of suspicion or distrust, and the way your eyes suddenly widen and your body twitches and slumps forward indicates it's setting in.

That's a regular part of the effect, terribly sorry about that. Oh, don't worry, you're not in any danger. You see, it's just... ah, how should I put it...

Thus he starts to go on elaborating on exactly what he drugged you with, and more importantly, begins explaining exactly why. As in, he openly confesses to being deeply enamored, as he puts it, and that he, likewise in his own words, has—

—some sort of abnormal psychological development that has taken place, although I'm not entirely sure how to best articulate it... regardless, I'm sure you now see that these impulses are inducing problematic behavior, but I'm afraid I have already succumbed to them, unfortunately...

He speaks with this lighthearted tone and whimsical sighs if he's explaining some sort of mild, harmless inconvenience, something of little consequence, all while he's gently going about sitting you back upright, closing your mouth so you stop involuntarily drooling, fixing the cup you spilled over and cleaning up what spilled onto the table. As if it's just a regular, everyday occurrence that he's paying little attention to, and not something of great weight and severity.

What this ultimately means is that you won't actually be leaving anytime soon. While unreasonable on its own, I assume that makes sense in the context of what I've just explained to you.

He turns back towards you, loops his arms under your armpits and hoists you up. There's a slight strained grunt with the physical exertion, but he manages to pick you up without too much trouble. He's still talking while carrying you through the door to the hall, but you don't really hear much it as you begin to succumb to unconsciousness — you only really process one more sentence.

You're awfully trusting, you know. You really ought to be more careful, should someone could have malicious intent...

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

The physical restraints aren't so bad. He keeps a reverse lock on the outside of the front door, and for a little while, a singular chain to your ankle.

After a short while, and a verbal agreement that you will not try anything, he gives you a surprising degree of leniency, gives you the ability to roam to some extent. You can be present at the front where strangers show up to the desk, even. But he'll be watching. He has ways, as he puts it, of knowing what you're doing.

You're not sure what to do. It seems like such an opportunity, and yet, you know that someone as calculated as he is wouldn't give you that opportunity without having a plan he could easily enact if something goes wrong. You know he doesn't really place that much trust in your word through your verbal agreement alone. You want to do something to try and catch someone's attention or something, but there's this gut feeling you have that knows that doing that would be a mistake.

He almost certainly wouldn't harm anyone, you're pretty sure of that being true, but... can you say that with one-hundred percent certainty? If pushed to the point of it being a matter of securing you and your arrangement, preventing someone who saw more than they should from telling, can you really be certain he wouldn't take drastic measures...?

You just don't know. Sure, you're fairly certain of his overall goodness of character... but then again, that's also what you thought when you brushed off the occasional comment or expression from him that used to make you feel some faint sense of alarm or unease — that he was certainly a good person, just a bit eccentric at times. You told yourself back then that he was not the sort of person who would ever do anything bad to anyone. You overestimated his goodness once, and look where that got you. Can you really be sure that someone who would go so far as to do what he's already done, wouldn't hurt or kill someone too, if it came down to it...? And when you think even more about it, doesn't the fact that he's letting you roam so much imply that he is ready to take some other measures if you tried anything?

You just don't know. It's all so uncertain.

And he knows that. You can tell from the soft, content, knowing smile on his face. He knows exactly what thoughts are going through your mind. As long as that doubt is there, hopefully you won't force his hand to make him have to take unsavory measures to ensure your security.

Now if you were to actually successfully, temporarily get away and be caught and brought back again, this is where Baizhu actually has a rather unique reaction, both intriguing and odd compared to how other captors and obsessive lovers would react.

That is, he harbors no resentment or anger over your desires to be free. In fact, provided he caught you early, his reaction is fairly calm. If you managed to get out for a while, he's more visibly panicked when he finds you, but he still manages to calm himself down by the time he brings you back, and doesn't lash out or have any sort of angry outburst.

You still endure some form of punishment — can't just let you get away with it, of course, you'd just be more likely to do it again — but you very quickly notice he doesn't really seem all that angry or anything. At some point, you question him on it, and he's very transparent with his answer.

To tell you the truth, I can't really blame you. You're only following your instincts. It's endearing, in a way.

Being angry, he explains, would be nonsensical, silly, unreasonable. It is only natural for a human to desire autonomy and as few restrictions on themselves as possible. Yet, it is also human nature to want to control others, and to have the object of their desires all to themselves, kept away like a treasure. Both his actions and yours are perfectly natural and reasonable, and since he himself has followed his natural inclinations and instincts, he can't blame you for doing the same and following yours.

And then, he smiles.

But it seems you weren't quite capable of achieving your goal. I suppose you'll just have to hope you have better luck on your next attempt... And I, that there won't be one.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Needless to say, Baizhu is both intelligent and perceptive. Most of the time, he can easily catch you in a lie. More importantly, he knows that given the circumstances, it's obvious you'll be trying to lie to him fairly regularly, so he's on guard about it, making him that much more likely to notice.

But on the rare occasion you do manage to trick him in some way, unless it was something that put you, him, or your situation in genuine danger, he doesn't get too upset. It's just the philosophy he takes, he explains as he shrugs it off— Really, it was foolish of me to not anticipate something like that. Considering the circumstances, I should never have allowed myself to become so unguarded.

Much like with attempts at escape, it's only natural to lie to him to achieve what you want. Likewise, it's only natural for you to receive some form of punishment to deter you from repeating the attempt of deception. Simple. So while he doesn't have a particularly angry or emotional response to it, don't expect to just get away with it either.

He's also very well aware when you manipulate him, acknowledges it even, but similarly to lying, he doesn't seem to mind too much. If anything, as long as it's something mild in nature, he finds it amusing, will chuckle and smile.

Oh, my. I see what you're doing... well, how could I say no when you're being so sweet about it?

That applies only to that which is mild, though. If your request or attempted goal is something that would actually be a risk, he gets far more serious and firm in his approach.

Surely you don't expect me to fall for that, dear. As much as I'd like to fulfill any wish you have, I know better than to take that sort of risk.

It was worth a try. You win some, you lose some.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows that mental stimulation will be important to your ensuring that you remain of sound mind and health for the foreseeable future. There's limits, of course, he's not dumb enough to fall for requests for things that you could use to harm him or break out, but he'll get you what you want, within reason. Especially books, which, as he says, are important for keeping your mind sharp. Those he'll get you even without asking, often bringing you something at random because he thinks you might enjoy its contents.

And hey, he also might as well capitalize on the opportunity. To prevent boredom, you can also help him out. Lots of jars that need organizing and labeling, papers that need to be filled and documented, and so on. Of course, he'll double check to ensure there's no maliciously doing it wrong or anything, but he appreciates it if you're willing and compliant.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

He doesn't like to feel like he's being strict or harsh, but he does set specific guidelines. They're fairly short and simple.

One, you will not attempt to leave, or to rope anyone else into "helping" you.

Two, you will not attempt to cause any harm or damage to himself, his property, or any other residents or visitors you may come into contact with.

Third, you will not attempt to commit any action that intentionally causes, or has a potential to accidentally cause, any danger or harm to yourself.

Violate any of these conditions, and naturally, there will be consequences. All actions have cause and effect, this is just the law of the universe, so it is only fair to enforce a consequence.

He's still pretty forgiving, but if you push his limits, he'll begin enacting those consequences, getting progressively more intense according to the nature of your offense. Confining you to one room, putting you back into an ankle shackle, so on and so on. All done with this self-righteous attitude, telling you how it's for your own benefit that this is done.

But along the same previous lines of reasoning as to why he gives you things to keep you occupied, he knows how important stimulation is to one's psychological well-being, and can just as easily use this against you. If you've been very, very bad, repeated attempts at running away and total defiance, some more intense measures are needed. As with any other ailment, your poor behavior is something he has just the thing to treat with.

The dependency itself, you see, creates bonding. Being forced to rely on another for such basic needs is a process equally humiliating and endearing. The isolation, on the other hand, ensures that your brain associates only him with the positive chemicals and emotions induced by having stimuli to free you from boredom, as well as your needs being met and...

He continues to explain it out to you as he goes. You're still only restrained by one ankle binding, but he doesn't need much in that regard, because he doesn't really have to worry about you moving around in the first place. You can barely move a muscle anyway.

It is quite torturous, isn't it? He almost feels bad for you. You still have some control over your face, and he can see the obvious displeasure in your expression. Unable to move your arms, your legs, anything but the truly important muscular functions like being able to swallow and breathe and the like. Forced to sit there numbly while he brings cups of water and spoonfuls of broth to your mouth, when he wipes your body down in substitution for bathing. Yes, it's clear how much you dislike this, but that's the point, isn't it? This would not have to happen if you could just be a bit more compliant. That wouldn't truly be so hard, would it? He asks in such a patronizing voice.  Should you keep your mouth shut and refuse to eat or drink, he'll sigh, give up for the moment and try again later. If this persists after a few days, though, he'll just have to force it, and is not above doing so.

After a few days of this, he'll allow it to wear off, provided you've proven your repentance and promise you're going to be good in the future. An unlikely promise, he realizes, but at least the sentiment counts.

Oh, and he does establish one other rule out of frustration after a certain incident: no taking his glasses and hiding them. Really, it was quite a childish act of spite on your part, and caused him a terrible deal of inconvenience. Best to address it and forbid that from reoccurring...

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Rivals are actually something you don't have to worry too much about, in terms of them getting hurt. Baizhu is calculated and reasonable, highly rational, and doesn't take any sort of rash action. And in his mind, as long as you're confined, other people are no longer an issue.

If he feels someone is becoming enough of a threat in the pre-captivity stage of his obsession, being aware of any affection another person has for you or vice versa will simply serve as a catalyst in your abduction, and almost certainly expedite that process, out of urgency to get you away from a perceived threat. Provided you are secured, though, he sees no reason to risk the potential consequences of taking any action against a rival, even if he does harbor resentment for them.

Do not, however, mistake that for instinctive reluctance. It doesn't mean he's the sort of person who would be to afraid to kill someone, or, as you might initially imagine he would be, a person who would feel an innate sense of guilt and wrongness, who is averse to doing anything truly wrong. No, he's more than confident in his ability to successfully pull off a homicide if he were to try, and honestly, he's really not that naturally guilty, that is, in the sense of the sort of person who would be haunted by their actions and feel guilty by instinct. Rather, he has to intentionally hold himself back, tell himself he can't do such a thing no matter how much he wants to, as a matter of dignity.

Homicide would, after all, be more or less entirely antithetical to his universal occupational creed. And while again, he doesn't have an instinct against it, he values his own self-image. He wouldn't feel guilty, but he'd feel disappointed in himself, ashamed to have failed to uphold the idea of sanctity of life and all that. And perhaps even more importantly, such an act is one of petulant spite, if you ask him, and he would be somewhat embarrassed to see himself committing such an act, as if it's an admittance of having let someone else's presence bother him so much. It's a matter, thus, of self-respect and dignity more than anything. Therefore, with you secured away, he'll simply leave them be... although he's not above perhaps a bit of pettiness if the opportunity presents itself, such as being able to mildly inconvenience them somehow without it being connected to him.

That being said, there is a limit to his inhibition for the sake of self-image.

There's one circumstance under which he would see it fit to kill: said rival is looking for you after your disappearance, and he gets the very strong sense that the individual in question knows something they shouldn't, or otherwise seems to have some correct suspicion of what has occurred. He feels their eyes linger on him, this narrow-eyed sort of glare. They ask some rather odd questions. Or perhaps they're foolishly upfront about it, asking if he wouldn't happen to have seen you on the day you were last heard from, an accusatory edge to their tone.

Baizhu is actually quite masterful at keeping calm and maintaining an innocent act in such situations. He doesn't get defensive or hostile, rather, he pretends he just doesn't perceive the subtle tone of accusation. No, I haven't. Terrible thing, that. I hope there's some good news to come out of that situation soon...

But to himself, this confirms that he can't afford to leave this individual undealt with. It's not his fault, really. They forced his hand. Not that he's overjoyed to finally have a reasonable self-justification to kill off the person that has secretly always bothered him more than he lets on, though, no, nothing like that.

His method is perfectly simple, although he may have to wait a while to be able to enact it. But no matter, he can bide his time. Everyone gets sick eventually. They'll come to him. And if it's too urgent, they clearly know far too much and he can't afford to wait, he simply makes an invitation, says he has something he heard or saw that may have some connection to you, and that he wishes to discuss it at once.

If it's the former, and he actually has the chance to drug them, he'll easily take that method, as it's the cleanest and the one he's most adept with. And if he invites them to speak with him, well, he'll still poison their tea and all, but he's not going to get his hopes up that it will actually be consumed, given they have every reason to suspect him. Unfortunately, this may mean he's forced to take more unpleasant means.

As much as he enjoys having them out of the way, it turns out the act of killing someone via means other than poison is actually quite unpleasant. He knows he's not healthy and strong enough at the moment to risk being overpowered if he attempted strangulation or drowning, so he just has to go full-on old fashioned and come up behind them and stab them to death. It's a very brutish act, really. Probably looks very awkward and ugly from an outside perspective. Ugh. Blood on his hands and face and the floor and the table... and now he has to wash this shirt, too... at least it will make a decent addition to the compost for herbs. Sigh.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

Baizhu is largely defined by a sort of passive attitude, although it does have its limits. But for the most part, he's very tolerant and patient. Part of it is just a natural disposition, while it's also in part due to years of having dealt with a wide variety of people of varying, and often unpleasant, temperaments, in varying levels of discomfort, and thus not always pleasant to deal with.

This can be to your benefit, in terms of the fact that he's forgiving and somewhat lenient towards you. If you put on a sweet act or a pitiful apologetic act, in particular, after getting caught doing something you aren't supposed to be, it turns out to be a weak spot for him. He knows full well you're doing it intentionally, but in his own words, he just can't bring himself to be too upset when you have that look in your eyes.

While beneficial under most circumstances, his patience and slowness to anger can also be incredibly frustrating if you're the bitter type who tries to make him mad. He knows you're doing exactly that, and he knows that not giving you the reaction you want will infuriate you further, and to be honest, it's rather cute watching you get more and more upset. He can hold out for quite a while like that, as long as your behavior is not something harmful to anyone.

Be careful overusing or abusing his lenience, though, or pushing the boundaries. If you take it a step too far, do something one too many times, that patience meets its end. You can tell exactly when you've crossed that line by the look on his face, narrowed eyes and a stern, unamused expression. He speaks in a firmer tone than usual, and is far more blunt with his words.

That's enough, now. I've been very patient with you. Do not test me further.

The sudden shift and stark difference to his usual demeanor is enough to make you freeze up, and deters you on its own, far more than it would coming from someone who usually speaks in that sort of voice. Should you nonetheless, perhaps out of spite, continue your defiance, it goes a step further.

He's still not the sort of person to show anger very outwardly. Quite the opposite. You know you have truly, royally fucked up because he goes dead silent. Takes a deep breath in, heavy sigh out. Puts down the pen or closes a book or whatever else he's handling with a harsh sound, stands up without a word. You can feel a twisting in your stomach from the aura coming off of him, feel a sort of dreadful tension in the air. When he does finally speak, it's in that same cold, firm voice, as he latches a hand onto your arm and begins to pull you off into another room.

Alright, then. I see you don't intend to make this easy.

You can start to sputter out apologies at that point, but you're not going to get any further words out of him. After all, you've made it clear that words aren't enough to get through to you anyway.

How do they express affection, or attempt to endear themselves to you?

Baizhu is very fond of pet names. Dear. Darling. Love. Even if it embarrasses you, he doesn't really care. It takes a while to get used to, he throws those terms around so casually, it makes you flustered and feel all warm and you're not really sure how to react. But it just comes naturally to him, really, he wasn't initially intending for it to have any effect, although seeing that it does have an effect is quite amusing.

Otherwise, he likes to just spend time with you. The activity doesn't really matter, in fact, you don't even need to be doing the same thing together or anything. You can be doing your own thing while he does his, that's also fine. He just likes being in your vicinity.

Doing things together, though, is very nice. He's fond of doing mundane, routine things with you. Laundry, cooking, cleaning. Helping him restock by handing him jars while he puts them in their proper place, or vice versa. The little things, the things that don't require a great deal of thought or exchange of words, yet allow him to bask in your warmth and the bliss of simplicity in life with someone you love.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Baizhu is a fairly humble man. He's also objective, when it comes to such matters. Love you as he does, he still acknowledges your weaknesses and strengths.

Considering a person to be "greater" or "lesser" as a whole, he would argue, is in and of itself a concept that could only be born from a rather simple brain to begin with. Such a generalization fails to consider the complexity of the individual human existence. It is frankly impossible, or at least distasteful and lacking any respectable extent of intelligent thought, to take a single person — who has a unique skillset, physical and mental attributes, experiences, and a whole array of knowledge unique to that one individual — and condense all that complexity into one simple lump sum of "value", them do the same for another, and compare the two. The very notion itself is lacking intelligence, and only a person equally lacking intelligence and rationality, or perhaps simply a person of a neurotically grandiose nature, would try to claim one person is inherently of greater value.

But he can recognize those individual traits. If he's more intelligent than you are, he's very open to acknowledging it. If you're in better physical shape and health than he is, he'll readily admit it.

A person is what they are, they each have their strengths. If you ever get into the subject, he'll likely start philosophizing a bit about human nature — how tragic it is that so many humans obsess over those strengths that they are lacking, and in doing so allow the strengths they possess to go to waste. It is human nature to be discontent with oneself, perhaps—

Ah... am I boring you? Haha. No, no, it's quite alright.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He fully acknowledges before ever taking you to be with him, that doing so will be detrimental any hopes of mutual affection. That's part of the pros and cons he heavily weighs before going through with that. But alas, it's a necessary hurdle to face, part of the price of having you to himself.

For the short term, at least.

He's not unfamiliar with psychology to some extent, seeing as it and his own field are somewhat related. He's very well aware of the known effects that prolonged isolation and exclusion from the rest of society, as well as forced dependence, will have on a person.

So he's not too worried about it. Sure, you may be resentful now, but he can wait. As he always does. Patient, calculated. He knows eventually there will be a shift, and then a decline. First comes anger, then that will die down, then a period of quiet despond, and eventually, as the soundness of mind deteriorates, you will come back to him, feel the same fondness you did before. It's predictable, linear, like clockwork. The human mind and the human body are alike in that way, often following patterns that can be accurately predicted far before actually reaching that stage of progression. Just as he can heal various diseases and ailments by referencing existing knowledge of the body, so he can "fix" your mind and your sentiments by utilizing the knowledge of the mind.

If you start to become exceptionally discontent and disagreeable at any given time, he'll just go with the foolproof method that works every time — total isolation besides him, dark room, no stimulus, bound hand and foot or kept immobile by drugs. A few days of that and you usually crack. The cycle repeats, but he always knows just how to get you back to the way he prefers you.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Firstly, as aforementioned, he's almost amusingly transparent. He explains a good deal of what he does to you and exactly why he's doing it, what affects it will have, etc. Most captors would probably keep quiet on exactly how they intend for their actions to induce a bond with you or force you into this or that, but not him.

You're smart, see. He knows you'll probably figure it out anyway. What's the point of withholding it then? Besides, he has a habit of thinking out loud sometimes, so it just comes natural to him to sort of mutter about what he's doing as he goes about his tasks. No point in refraining from that when there's no real reason to.

It's not as if you knowing what he's doing or what the intended effect is will make it any less effective. Maybe you'll develop a bit of spite and fight the effects, thus prolonging the procedure, but it will work all the same in the end anyway. If anything, seeing you resist is rather cute. But you'll succumb nonetheless, so, no need to be secretive.

Another obstacle he faces that others in a similar obsessive predicament do not is, well, himself. Baizhu is forced to take his own health and physical capacity into account to a degree most others never would have to give a passing thought to.

You'd think that his frailness might serve as an advantage to you — and you'd be right, sort of. It would serve as an advantage to you, were he to not account for it.

Unfortunately for you, he does account for it, and goes to great lengths — paranoid measures, even — to ensure you cannot take advantage of it. These chronic problems sometimes follow patterns and cycles, and usually have warning signs before becoming worse, so if he knows he's going to be in a weakened state, he gets much heavier on the restraints, and goes ahead with drugging you into immobility, even though you haven't done anything to deserve what is usually used as a punishment. It's also one of the few times he'll give you a very sincere apology. I know it's unpleasant, but I don't have much of a choice right now. You know it's serious from the lack of his usual warm whimsical voice of his, instead speaking in a very blunt voice laden with discomfort. You suppose you can summon a bit of pity, even if you're frustrated.

You also notice, though, that he's always insistent that he's fine and doesn't need help, even if that's blatantly untrue. The man will sound like he's coughing his lungs up for a minute straight and when you rush over with a concerned look on your face, he forces a chuckle and smiles and waves his hand dismissively. No, no, it's fine, really, that's a regular occurrence, it will die down in a minute or s— and breaks out coughing again.

He doesn't want you to see him in a state he feels looks pathetic. You figure that out eventually, given that he always stands up and goes into another room if the coughing fits get too bad, and how you can tell he's forcing himself to act as if he's not in discomfort or pain when he cares for you during his episodes of poorer condition.

It's something he's very stubborn about too. Usually he's so transparent, but even if you push him, tell him you're well aware he's not well or that you're fine and he should lay down, he continues to downplay it and insist it's not that bad. Just a bit of an ache, he says, or just a bit drowsy. He's relentless on this, no matter how much you push.

There's another unique factor to your captivity, but it doesn't have much to do with Baizhu himself.

See, there's plenty of captors or obsessed lovers you might end up with who have companions or accomplices you would meet, but no other quite so... slithery.

And few quite so cold, either. Changsheng, and the dynamic she takes in relation to the both of you, is a very odd experience.

Firstly, she is of no help to you. You weren't really sure what to expect from a literal talking snake, but you at least figured that if she possessed human thought capacity, she would perhaps possess a sense of empathy as well.

But she never brings up or even really acknowledges the circumstances of your situation. You tried once or twice, but she immediately shuts you down if the conversation is headed in that direction.

These sorts of interpersonal relationships are no business of mine. Know that I have no intention of interference.

While a bit disappointing, you did more or less know that even if she empathized, she wouldn't likely be of much help.

She still takes some getting used to. To be honest, she moves so quietly that for the first little while, she nearly gave you a heart attack on several occasions. You'll be going about some idle task, turn your gaze to look at or reach for something, only to come face-to-face with a snake in very close proximity.

AH! Oh, I, um...

What is the matter?

N-no, I just... uh...

You are at unease due to my presence?

No! No, I just didn't... see you there...

She has a bit of a sharp tongue and stern nature, and you initially do feel very uneasy, both out of not wanting to upset her as well as some primal instinct telling you that the creature that sits next to you is a dangerous one, even if your conscious mind knows better.

She does feel the need to comment on whatever you're doing, especially when trying to do tasks to help (or just to have something to do) by doing some work in the storerooms.

By what system of organization are you determining the order to place these jars in, hm?

You are not plotting anything nefarious back here by yourself, yes?

You there... these counters are slippery. I instruct you to place me on the surface over there.

At first, you feel bullied and bossed around... but over time you come to realize that despite the criticisms, she's intentionally seeking you out, whenever Baizhu is busy. In fact, whenever he goes off to a house call by himself or to take care of some task, it's usually only a matter of minutes before she shows up.

And truth be told, over time, you do bond. It's an unspoken sort of thing, something you think she might have started doing without consciously realizing she's doing it, but she begins... scaling you, climbing over and on you in the same way she does her contractual companion. The first time, you were reading over some piece of mail slid under the door when you felt a slight weight on your shoulder.

What is that? Oh, I see...

Gradually, it becomes an unspoken norm, a habit that neither of you really acknowledge out loud, but you understand it's a significant milestone in your relationship to each other, whatever that relationship may be defined as. You'll be standing around, working on whatever, when you feel the cold scales brush against your ankle... and now that cold sensation is spiraling up your leg, then your waist, and she positions herself around your shoulders just as she would Baizhu himself. Often commenting on or criticizing whatever you're doing, but sometimes just... relaxing there. She likes being on a person — humans are warm, and while she wouldn't admit it, she just sort of enjoys the company sometimes. If Baizhu is unavailable, you're the next best option. And sometimes, she's merely using you as a means of transportation, telling you to go somewhere else so she can get off, with you being able to get wherever it is faster, especially if it involves stairs.

Or sometimes, you'll be sitting down and she sees no reason to go around you to get where she's going, instead just slithering right over your lap without so much as a word, either to cross over you to get elsewhere, or to rest on you for a while. Then there was that time you were laying on the couch, trying your best to take a nap when you stiffened and nearly felt your heart stop for the umpteenth time when a cold sensation spread as she slithered her way underneath your shirt, curling up into a ball on your stomach.

It is cold outside and there is a draft. You will have to suffice for the moment.

And you also notice that, although it may feel harsh, oftentimes her criticisms and advice are genuinely helpful, either making a task significantly easier or preventing you from potentially hurting yourself in a specific process. You still can't quite let go of a bit of bitterness over her essentially being cooperative in your captivity, but you can't say you don't appreciate her.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

He's actually quite touchy from the start. It's one of the few things that sort of unsettles you and gives some sense of something being "off" even early on. You're pretty sure you don't know each other well enough for him to have just brushed his fingers over your arm, or to rest his hand on your shoulder, or to clasp your hand between his for a moment as he tells you he'll see to this or that that you've requested. The touches continue to grow more noticeable with time, and they're just so very perfectly lingering for a time that's long enough to be noticeable, but not long enough for you to feel like saying something is a warranted reaction. No, you'd be overreacting if you said anything, right? It's not that bad, it's only for a few seconds, so perfectly timed as if he's knowingly releasing his touch at the right second. Always right on the edge.

Even after that, once you're living with him, he's very casually touchy. He'll run his fingers back and forth over your side or back when you're sitting or lying next to each other, runs his fingers through your scalp, rest an arm over your side or shoulders.

His drive, on the other hand, depends entirely on his current physical condition. Whenever certain chronic problems are flaring up and his health takes a negative turn, as you can imagine, his sex drive also plummets, and he's in too much discomfort to do much movement anyway. Other times, with other problems flaring up, it's particularly frustrating because he does still have a sex drive, but is in too much discomfort to do much... there's some creative ways to work around that, but nonetheless, it's irksome.

He's not particularly reserved about sexuality at all, actually, under the right circumstances. Of course, if asked about his reasoning for this, he acknowledges and understands the cultural sensitivity to such things, and concurs with the topic being something you don't just randomly talk about; that is, he obviously has a firm grasp on what is and isn't appropriate in various settings and doesn't violate conventions of appropriateness. It's just that when it's alone with you, he can talk about the filthiest and most intimate of things without batting an eye or any sign of embarrassment. It's just a natural part of human life, isn't it? If anything, the act is one that should be viewed as beautiful. The poetic sort of people tend to describe it as an ultimate expression of affection between individuals, and if you ask him, that's something that should be treasured.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He views forcing that sort of thing as a behavior that's more or less beneath him. Barbaric, brutish, uncivilized... brute force, that is. Other measures, though, that's another matter. Things like drugs and coercion don't have quite the same vibe of brutality and inhumanity.

Regardless, though, the key factor is your experience. He's the type that can't really enjoy a sexual experience unless you're also clearly enjoying it... the catch being that you obtaining pleasures and enjoyment is not exactly the same thing as outright consent. As long as you cum, it counts as being mutually enjoyed.

He still doesn't really like the thought of having to be physically forceful though, that would make him feel brutish. He'll be sure to sedate you early on. If you're sluggish and barely moving, you can't really offer resistance in the first place... and you're more pliable to his hands, too.

And yes, he will use your pleasure against you, telling you that you clearly don't hate it all that much — just look at what you've done, he says, holding up the fingers coated in your own fluids, pressing them against your tongue, your jaw too weak to prevent him from sliding his fingers in. The mouth says one thing, the body another... but the mouth is capable of lying, the body really isn't, so it's better to trust that which he knows is being honest.

What is intimacy with them like? What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He can't go too hard and fast... well, he sometimes does anyway, his efforts aided by adrenaline, which quickly catches up to him as soon as it's over. He's not particularly rough though, nor does he cause you pain. That's not to say he's entirely without a sadistic side — he does find himself enjoying seeing you in a state of humiliation and anticipation, he just prefers to use pleasures and intense, but not painful, sensations to do so.

Drugging

That is, of course, the one you likely anticipated the most. He's not at all shy about it. Even if you by chance had something consensual going on before being kept captive, he's very open about the desire to experiment on your body by triggering reactions to various substances.

There's a variety of different options to try, lots of combinations and records of the effects different traditional medicines have on the body. This one heightens blood flow and skin sensitivity, this one induced lactation... ah, but his personal preference is this one that gives you a buzzing, euphoric high, accompanied by a voracious appetite for pleasure and orgasms for the next hour or so. He gives you the full history of how ancients in this area used to use it for fertility ceremonial purposes back in the day, explaining it calmly while he ties your hands to the headboard, as you pant and whimper and gasp for breath underneath him. Quite nice, isn't it?

And if you're being less than compliant and agreeable, he can also go the route of sedation. Not entirely, no, he doesn't want you to be fully unconscious, nor forget any of it later. No, what he forces into your mouth makes you more... relaxed. You, after the fact and in an accusatory tone, use the word 'paralyzed,' but he insists that that's an overdramatization. Firstly, it's not the same medication he uses when he actually leaves you fully unable to move, and secondly, you can still sort of move your fingers and toes and head, your muscles are just relaxed and at ease, preventing movement of actual limbs. Your words slur, you feel dizzy and tired, yet you feel every little touch. And see, your abdominal muscles twitched when he runs his fingers over your stomach, so you still have some muscular control... Not to mention, he can still feel your insides spasming and clenching when he curls his fingers inside of you, too.

Oh, and even in general, he makes sure you take a daily dose of tea made from some cocktail of bitter herbs he put together. You're told it's a blend that boosts your metabolism and brain activity and blood circulation, so on and so on, basically like a multi-purpose medicine for overall health. Which is true, it does do all of those things. It just so happens that all of those things also are known to increase sex drive, not to mention a few of them boost hormone production. But that's just a side effect, of course.

Orgasm control

Baizhu has a very specific long-term goal in mind to train you for: getting you to cum on command. It's a fantasy he's entertained in his head quite a few times. No reason to not try to make it a reality, now that he has you here with him. The concept itself is fascinating, the idea that a largely involuntary bodily reaction can be gradually, perfectly conditioned to align with someone else's words. It's such an ultimate power trip and absolute control, the thought is intoxicating.

And of course, being as patient and dedicated as this man has already proven himself to be, you know there's no getting out of it. Hours upon hours of edging, being told not to cum because you can't without his explicitly telling you to. If you do, he pulls his hand away, ruining the orgasm itself, leaving you to whimper and whine, that much more so if, after a few failed attempts, he ends up applying an additional corporeal punishment to try and further the negative association with cumming too soon. If you're good and endure, cum when he tells you to, you'll be likewise rewarded in some way.

Over and over. It goes on for weeks, months, that you have these training sessions, until it's perfected. You yourself are almost shocked by the progress, to realize just how much your body and your subconscious has submitted — it's on one of his better health days, he has the energy and lack of any aches to be able to take you on your hands and knees from behind, and it does feel good, but you're not that close — and yet, when he pulls your upper half up, forces your back into an arch, puts his hand on your throat and tilts his head down to speak directly in your ear and tells you to in the lowest, huskiest voice you've ever heard him speak in to cum for me — and you spasm, it hits you like a punch to the gut with the way the high rushes over your body. It leaves you sputtering and shivering as you collapse onto the bed, wide-eyed in shock. Even he seems a bit surprised too, chuckling as he sees the stunned expression on your face.

Oh, that worked better than even I anticipated...

He can also use orgasms as a form of withdrawal and coercion punishments. Primarily at the times that you're immobilized. You'll begin to grow needy after a time, and that makes you far more compliant. He keeps track of how long it's been since you last got to cum, and makes sure to remind you, just so you know how long you've been missing it, and so you'll be that much more quick to crack under the desperation of need.

Instruction/Obedience

Sometimes, once you've reached a state where he's assured you'll be fairly compliant with him, he gets surprisingly passive when he comes to you for intimacy.

Physically passive, at least. Motions you over with a finger gesture, starts giving you instructions. His voice is always so charming and gentle that it's hard to call it a command, per se, but it's telling you what to do nonetheless. To take this or that off, to straddle his waist, kiss him, put it in your mouth, ride him, touch yourself, on and on as he walks you through each little motion he craves to watch with his own eyes. It gets more specific and lewd with each instruction, starting off with just take your clothes off and eventually progressing to telling you exactly how to touch yourself, rub in circles, curl your fingers, lower yourself down and take him in, roll your hips, bounce on his cock, look him in the eye when you cum, every little thing.

...Eventually, you figure out that he does this on the days where he's not feeling well enough to do the moving himself, yet is still in good enough condition that he still has a sex drive. What a clever adaptation.

Exposure

It's not something he uses often, seeing as there are other people than just the two of you in his residence, but it can make a suitable punishment whenever you're confined to one room, or when everyone else is out. There's something just endearing about seeing you all embarrassed and flustered after being forced into nudity, the way you try desperately to cover yourself with your arms, the way you get all pouty in your humiliation and refuse to look him in the eye as you demand your clothes back.

But this is your choice, he reminds you. If only you would be a bit more cooperative, that wouldn't have to be the case, but that's entirely up to you. Until then, if you want to get out of bed for any reason, you'll just have to walk around as you are. And no, he's not going anywhere. Why would he leave when he has such a nice view? He smiles when you puff your cheeks out and curl your hands into fists out of embarrassed fury. Eventually, you do have to give in, get up and go do whatever it is you need to — and you feel his eyes on you the whole time as you do. When you glare in his direction, he just tilts his head. Oh? Is something the matter?

Such a shameless pervert, you think to yourself. What's worse, you know if you say something, he'll pull some cheesy line about 'examining' you or another. Ugh.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He'd be a bit worried about having any biological children. One one hand, there's a lot to be gained by having something tying you to him on such a deeply emotional level, that would likely cement you in place by making running away that much harder, and suppress your will to leave to begin with, or even accelerate your attachment to him.

At the same time, he has to be realistic. Is he really in any position to be caring for children, a task requiring great stamina? There's also the possibility you could turn children against him, or something like that. And if you were to encounter some sort of gestational health problem and require medical attention, there's no telling whether or not you'd be so stubborn as to to refuse to comply out of fear he'd drug you or something, which could pose very real risks to your well-being if he couldn't get you to work with him. So as nice as the notion seems when pictured in the ideal, there's just too many risks and complications that could take place.

But, there's a solution. One that will easily provide the same psychological attachment, and thereby allow a subtle degree of manipulation.

Once he can be sure you wouldn't try to harm her or anything, he deliberately ensures you and Qiqi spend time with each other. Initially, he tells you to watch over her while she goes about her tasks, help her out a bit. She can be forgetful, you know. Regardless of your sentiment, you can't bring yourself to be cold or rude to what is ultimately, despite the circumstances, still a relatively normal little girl.

Although he does, before leaving you two alone, make sure to give you a very firm warning. Well, the words themselves aren't a a threat, but there's an edge to his tone, when he responds to you raising your eyebrows and asking if he's really allowing this.

It's quite alright. I trust you surely wouldn't try to get a child involved in anything you shouldn't.

The words admittedly do have a bite to them. Would it really be a moral wrong, for you to try and enlist her for help...? It's not like he would ever harm her, but still, you question the sort of psychological damage you'd be risking. There's an inherent feeling of wrongness when you think about putting the kid under a situation that, if you succeeded in getting her to help you, would result in a great deal of distress and confusion and even long-term psychological damage from what would ensue. And when you think about it even further, you realize with a twisting feeling in your gut that if you escaped your captor and got him locked up... what would happen to her...? It's an unpleasant thought, even if you tell yourself you'd make sure she was cared for.

Nonetheless, eventually, on one of your worst and most bitter and resentful days, in a moment of desperation, you do finally crack. It will be fine, you tell yourself. You're doing something good overall. Someone like that shouldn't be responsible for a kid in the first place, right? So if you just get her to run by the law enforcement when she's out herb-gathering...

Listen, I, uh, I need you to do something for me, okay?

Mm...? Okay...

You wait patiently as the hours pass, hoping you look like less of a nervous wreck than you are, hoping you're not actually as jittery as you feel, a whole swarm of emotions of dread and hope and anticipation swirling in your gut. You practically pounce on the poor girl when she comes back through the doors.

Did... did they say anything? Are they coming?

You're met with a blank stare, a long pause.

Uh... who...? Was I supposed to... do something...?

You're pretty sure you gave up either the third or fourth time that happened. Can't really remember which. You start to realize that the reason he seemed so unbothered by the thought of leaving you alone with her wasn't so much his trust in you as much as it was complete assurance there was never any real risk anyway. Sigh.

But you don't hold it against her. You continue watching over her and taking care of her when you can. And the most frustrating part is that you know exactly what the intent is, and yet, you also know it's working.

You find yourself caring more and more about the girl. There was that time she stumbled and fell flat on her face and before you even really processed what you were doing, you'd already rushed over across the room to get her back up. Hey, hey, are you okay...? Or the time everyone else had stepped away for a moment due to some issue or another, leaving the front of the pharmacy unmanned for just a few moments — just enough time to find some big, disgruntled-looking guy looming over the child (who admittedly didn't seem intimidated or anything, just the usual blank stare), going on about some complaint he must have found no one else present to give to, and once more, without really thinking, you found yourself rushing over, picking her up and pulling her away, holding her to your side as if to shield her, finding yourself growing immediately defensive, glaring back. The hell is wrong with you? The owner will be back in just a minute, you'll have to wait. You find yourself a bit surprised at your own sharpness of tongue.

You feel this caring, protective swell in your chest regrading her. You're not so headstrong as to deny to yourself the truth, that you know you've developed emotional attachment towards and even some maternal instinct for the child. That admittedly, you wouldn't want to leave her, and that you'd worry how she'd fare by herself without you, even if you know she was doing fine before you. And most upsettingly, you know that that was exactly what the plan was.

Maybe if it had been one-sided, then, at least you could have shaken the feeling off, but that's not the case either. You make a habit of taking some time to yourself in a specific room every day, a time in the late afternoon when there's always a rush of people coming in, leaving Baizhu himself quite busy, so you get some time to sit and read or whatever task you set yourself to. A routine quickly develops — there's a set of pattering footsteps in the hall, she pokes her head around the door to check if you're there, and quietly shuffles in and sits next to you. Silent, but present. She doesn't say or do anything, she just sits.

Not that that's the only habit that develops. It's one of those situations that progresses subtly yet quickly, so you don't really remember when each starts. You just become aware one day that each little routine or habit has been going on for some time now. That when you walk around the back of the pharmacy going about your day, there's often a little hand clinging to your skirts or pant legs, quietly walking alongside you while latching on. That when you make yourself something to snack on, you get out two plates or bowls and make two helpings of whatever it is without really thinking about it.

She doesn't usually have a lot to say, but it's always pleasant, she's not quite like the stereotypical hyperactive kid, no, she lets you do whatever you're doing and doesn't interrupt much, just seems to want to be around you.

You allow it, of course. You don't have the heart not to, even though you know you shouldn't, that you shouldn't allow the closeness and should push her away because you know it will inevitably lead to exactly what he wants.

You can still pinpoint the exact moment, though, that you knew it was already too late. Sitting there doing some idle task or another in silence when you feel weight leaning over against your side, head resting on your arm, and that soft, monotone voice.

I like having you here.

Dammit. You could physically feel that tug on your heart. If that wasn't the final nail in the coffin, nothing else could top the emotion that gave you. You resign yourself to finally acknowledging that you've already fallen for the scheme.

...Not that she's just an advantageous tool. The flip side disadvantage is that she's also a bit of a liability. He's given her the 'if you tell anyone about her, she'll have to go away forever' talk several times over, and the poor girl always widens her tired eyes and seems very distressed at that notion, but her memory is not exactly known for being that great. There was that time some law enforcement came by to ask about you, saying something about how someone claimed to have seen a young woman in this courtyard area on the night of the disappearance. When your name is spoken, the girl's eyes widen, her lips part and she's just started to raise her arm up to point to the back room and say the words 'oh, I kn—' when she's interrupted by being picked up, hand clamped over her mouth and carried out of the room—

Ah, why don't you go run along—

And unceremoniously set in the hall, the door shut behind.

...Not good for a child to hear something fearful like a disappearance, that's all. Could give her nightmares or something. Surely they understand that...?

Thankfully, the present officials do, just nodding and continuing on, seemingly not taking that as reason to suspect anything. Poor Baizhu, it's one of the few moments he actually nearly lost composure, slumping back into a chair with a heavy sigh of relief as soon as they leave. That surely did not do his heart palpitation issue any favors...

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

One of the most unbearable things is the wait and the dread. It's never immediate. He always says something to the effect of ah, I need some time to think about how to handle this..., which you come to realize is just intentionally dragging out your fearful anticipation. To say he has somewhat of a sadistic side would be a fairly accurate statement, he doesn't really want to cause you physical pain, but he does find himself enjoying watching you squirm and shudder and stiffen, consumed with anticipation, dread and fear, as well as reactions of humiliation and embarrassment. He tries to refrain to some extent, but finds himself indulging in invoking those reactions from you more often than he'd like to admit for the sake of his own perception of his self-control.

It's not particularly painful, though, so you can be grateful for that... although there is a sort of dull ache after a while. Getting the drugs into your system is the only difficult part, as you squirm too much to safely inject you, but refuse to open your mouth, so compliance is a bit of a challenge, forcing him to find some means of holding you still. From there, your body sort of does the punishing for you. It's unlike anything you've ever felt — an unbearable sensation of heat, so intense it leaves sweat rolling down your skin, leaves you panting and shivering and gasping for breath, limbs twitching as they desperately pull against the binds keeping your ankles and wrists taut against the bedposts.

He wouldn't leave you to suffer that alone, of course. Well, maybe for a short while, half an hour or so, to heighten the desperation, but after that, he's right there to help you, affectionately running his hand over the top of your head and speaking to you in a soft voice, all far too gentle to be one and the same as the person responsible for your present state of misery.

What do you need? Tell me how to help you.

You're not compliant at first, of course. You shake your head and clench your jaw and refuse to just make this so much easier on you both. It takes a little while. A little more urging and comforting, running his fingers over your thighs and sides and all the parts of your flesh just sensitive enough to earn a shudder, before you start to melt into his touch, and eventually give in, tell him what you want.

There we go. That wasn't so difficult, was it?

Not that the torment ends there, of course. Just giving in to tell him isn't enough.

But you haven't been entirely... appreciative, have you? If I do this for you, it pains me to think it will only go unrecognized like everything else I do for you. If you ask with sincerity, maybe...

Once you've swallowed your pride entirely, then, you can get some semblance of relief. Although that itself becomes torturous with time. The intensity doesn't die down, the unbearable urge is still there, yet each successive orgasm begins to become painful, each erogenous spot on your body becomes sore and hypersensitive to the touch. You loathe to admit you end up in tears by the end of it. No worry, though, he's right there to comfort you through it... and ensure you this doesn't have to happen, but you continue to choose it time and time again.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Curvature. It's not really any one specific spot, per se, but he would say it counts. The degree of it doesn't really matter, whether it's slight or pronounced. He likes the way his hands feel running over curved areas like your hips and waist, thighs, shoulders. It's something he can appreciate even when his eyes are closed, late at night, just slowly running his hands over the spots and feeling the bends and dips. There's also, of course, the fact that it provides a nice sort of grip, a spot he can lock his arms or hands around and know you won't be able to pull away easily.

#qqi simultaneously being bzhu's greatest tool but also riskiest liability is amusing to me #yandere genshin impact #baizhu x reader

[calaisreno]

Yes and No

“Do you love her?”

It had taken them less than thirty minutes to go from the Rizla game to just asking each other random questions. The only celebrities that Sherlock knew were nineteenth-century chemists and twentieth-century criminals, which had more or less spoiled the game, and Sherlock had declared it pointless.

Then he suggested Yes or No, which at least required some deductive reasoning, and John agreed. But Sherlock was very good at this game, having deduced nearly everything about John in the first days of their acquaintance. Without asking any question, he deduced that John would choose violin, a human liver, Mrs Hudson’s nephew, and Sherlock’s old mouse-coloured dressing gown.

John gives up. “Fine. What don’t you know about me?”

Do you love her is a real question, he gathers— from the look on Sherlock’s face, which is serious and a bit sad.

The answer, which should be yes, of course I love her, instead comes out, “I’m marrying her.”

“People marry for reasons other than—“ Sherlock stops, appearing to realise he is going in a direction that can only lead to bad feelings. “Sorry, not a fair question. Better: When did you know that you loved her?”

He remembers grief. The intense pain of the days after he saw Sherlock die on the sidewalk in front of Barts. There are few details he can recall after that moment. It was as if the pain had receded just enough to let him breathe, and a kind of grey fog had descended. Pain, then sorrow.

Somewhere during the sorrow part, Mary had appeared. She may have been there sooner, but he hadn’t noticed. At some point he became aware of her bringing him coffee, talking to him, urging him to come out for lunch. Always there, cheerfully bullying him back into life. Eventually he noticed that he wasn’t quite as sad, and that she was rather pretty.

But the pain was still there, a tender spot in his memory, and most days he still felt defeated. Mary helped, though, and he thought that if she stayed, everything would be easier. He didn’t need to explain; she understood. He could keep the memories at bay when she was around.

By then he was having sex with her. He didn’t remember exactly how that had begun. Maybe it was a pity fuck one night when he’d had too much to drink. He woke up in her bed hungover, waiting for the darkness to descend like a weight on his chest, and she was there, making him a cup of tea, urging him to have some toast, sweetly solicitous and not accepting any excuses.

Does he love her?

Sherlock is still looking at him, the question in his eyes.

“She was there when I needed someone,” he says. “I just knew.”

He’d known that morning that he needed to move on, to leave what had happened in the past and live his life. And there she was.

“Your turn,” Sherlock says.

John thinks of all the things he’s ever wanted to know about Sherlock, but has never asked because it has never seemed a good time. Sherlock has a way of warding off questions with just a look. An armour that does not allow anyone in, not even John. He’s wondered about a lot of things, but asking has never been an option. Sherlock never has to ask; he simply deduces. John is terrible at deductions, as Sherlock often reminds him.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Sherlock doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. Twice.”

“That was a yes-no question, so I get follow-up. So, the first. Who was he?”

Sherlock smiles. “You’re assuming it was a man.”

“Wasn’t it? I thought… you’re… erm…”

“Gay? Yes, I am.”

“You loved a man,” John says. Obviously.

“Well, a boy. I was twelve. I suppose it wasn’t love so much as infatuation and hormones. His name was Victor. I never told him until I met him again at uni.” He gives John one of those looks that makes him feel like he is being x-rayed. “Have you ever kissed a man?”

“I’m not gay,” he says at once. “I mean, why would I kiss a man if I knew I wasn’t gay?”

“Follow-up question, then. When did you know you were not gay?”

John’s mouth may have been open for a bit. It’s an odd question. Everybody knows they’re straight until something happens and they know they’re not. Isn’t that the way it works? “I just knew. When did you know you were gay?”

“When I was twelve. I was at a stupid birthday party my mother made me attend, and we were playing Forfeit. I was asked a question I didn’t like to answer and took the forfeit. Up until then the penalties were stupid things like singing a song or doing a dance, but this time it was kissing a girl. The girl was willing, and I was curious, so I agreed. That was when I realised girls weren’t my cup of tea, so to speak. I wanted to kiss Victor.”

John says nothing, though it’s his turn. He remembers a similar party, a boy who wanted to kiss him, and feeling terrified that his parents would find out if he did. Harry had just come out, and he was trying very hard to make up for all of her shortcomings.

Sherlock asks, “How do you know you’re not gay if you’ve never kissed a man?”

“I’ve kissed lots of women,” he replies. “I don’t need to kiss a man to know I’m not gay.”

Sherlock shrugs. “I assumed that I was like everyone else, that some day I would meet the right girl, get married, and have children. That was how it was supposed to work, and I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t like girls that way. All my fantasies were about boys, but I thought I would eventually be attracted to girls as I got older. That kiss told me I would never love a woman.”

“You think I should kiss a man just to see if I’m a bit gay?” He laughs.

“It’s your forfeit, for not having an answer.”

“I’m not going to kiss some random bloke just because you—“

“Not a random bloke. Me. Kiss me.”

This is dangerous ground. Somewhere in his libido lies something that he’s thought about. Maybe he’s even fantasised about kissing a man. Having sex with a man. Just a lark, maybe. Don’t lots of men go through that? It doesn’t mean anything.

But, Sherlock. He lived with him for a year and a half, and they’d been friends. And he grieved when Sherlock died. Not grieved like a friend. He’d lost friends before, and this was nothing like those losses. Pain, darkness, unending regret. Even after Mary, some of that darkness remained. Moments when he remembered something Sherlock had said or done, a stab of pain. If it hadn’t been for Mary—

And it came to him. Mary was balm for his wounds. She brought him back from the edge. He is grateful to her. But gratitude isn’t love. Being in such pain for so long, and then a bit of light— that isn’t love, it’s relief. He’s seen patients in physical pain become almost giddy when given a dose of something that takes their agony away, not even enough to make them high. Relief feels like intoxication when pain has gone on so long.

If it hadn’t been for Mary, he would have understood what he’d only begun to see. She helped him, saved him even. But she was a distraction from the pain, not a cure.

He glances at Sherlock, who is pulling back, looking like he wishes he hadn’t just asked for a kiss. Maybe he’ll make a joke about their game, move them towards goodnight, goodbye, see you at the wedding.

“Yes,” he says. It’s an answer to everything— regret, grief, sorrow, love. It’s an apology for not seeing sooner, for the night at the Landmark, for his anger and cruel rejection of the man he has loved for years. “Kiss me.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Sherlock is right. The kiss tells John things he’s tried hard to forget. It tells him that has loved men before, but called it friendship, that he has wanted to touch men and kiss them, and called it lust, or fantasy, or a phase that all men go through. Women attract him too, and he grabbed onto heterosexuality like a life-raft because he was afraid of the alternative. His sister and his father, yelling. Harry thrown out of the house. His father, looking at him, saying not you too. Never you, my boy.

The kiss tells him that has already met the love of his life.

“I need to call Mary,” he says when they break away.

Sherlock looks sad. He nods. “Of course.”

“One more question,” John says. “Who was the second person you loved?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” he says. “I’m about to call my fiancee and break our engagement just days before the wedding because I’m in love with my best friend. So please, answer the question.”

Sherlock’s face does something John has never seen. It crumples and tears fill his eyes, and then he’s laughing and crying and not able to speak.

John kisses him again.

Author note: This is an old ficlet, from Trifles, posted here.

#my fics #johnlock #bbc sherlock #stag night #sign of three #fixit fic

[dark-night-hero]

Imagine being Genshin Men's the one that got away part 2 featuring Kaeya, Pantalone and Thoma.

Kaeya Alberich

Cause now I pay the price.

Imagine being used to be very close to Kaeya and Diluc, with your parents being close to their father, Crepus Ragnvindr. You have always been Diluc's friend every since the two of you were a baby. So the arrival of someone new, someone as pretty and cute and Kaeya was something that both of you were happy and excited of, a new member into te family, a new friend to get along to.

Imagine you were their friend, always hangout out with the set of brothers playing around and causing troubles here and there. The three of you were just unseperatable, and you were also slowly being aware of the feelings you were developing for him.

Imagine Diluc has always been a brother, annoying little brother you never had. And Kaeya, kaeya was different. Maybe it was the fact that you knew he wasn't biological a Ragnvindr and he looked a lot different than Diluc whom you had enough seeing his face of already, but he was different. His smiles lit up your mood, your heart races when he laughs, when he messes with your hair. It was different, you never want to see him as a brother or anything close to it.

Imagine things started to took a turn when Diluc joined the knights and you didn't, Kaeya did follow his steps a little later though. You watch side by side how Diluc becomes the youngest ever appointed Captain to be within the ranks of the Knights of Favonious. "He's awesome, isn't he." "Hmmm." This is enough, just being there by his side.

Imagine pursuing to become a merchant. The three of you going on a different paths with the two closely related to. Diluc was already busy enough tk begin with causing you and Kaeya to be hanging out by yourselves. And those nights, those nights were memorable, it was wonderful. The way he laugh, the way he looks at you, the way the two of you were looking at each other. You can feel it. You might be young, people might say both of you were young, but you knew, damn it, you knew what this is.

Imagine it was raining, it was raining when Crepus died and it was raining when two brothers parted ways with each other with you standing in the middle of it. "Stop it! You're both going to end up hurting each other!" "Did you heard what he said?! Are you deaf?! Crazy?! You heard what he said and you're still sticking on his side?!" "I am not picking anyone's side in here! What I'm trying to say it that you calm the fuck down-! Dilu-! Kaeya!" As you tried to interfere midway, you were pull by the back of your neck backwards as a bird like flame of fires came into yours and Kaeya's direction.

Imagine that night, you gain a pretty deep scar on your side, cause by the burn of your best friend as well as the intense icy frost that comes after it. Not only that, not only did you lost your childhood friend, but you also lost him, Kaeya. "I'm sorry." It was pouring hard as he kneel by your side. "I'm sorry." He spoke once again, his fingers slowly slipping away from yours. "Kaey-" "I'm sorry." Then he left.

Imagine, one of the hardest thing Kaeya ever did was to walk away from you that night, knowing what he- what the two of you coulf have been has now down the drain, and will forever remain their frozen in time.

Imagine that same night the two brothers fell out, so does everything connected to them, you. Dilic left without a word. And Kaeya started ignoring you. Maybe it was because out of guilt, maybe it's because of the things he said that night. But if there was one thing for sure is that he won't see you, he won't talk to you. No matter now much you begged, he never did. He was all that you have now, and you're pretty sure that goes the same way for him, so why is he okay? How could he be okay? Fuck it.

"They left." "I know." "I heard they might not come back." "... I know." "You're not going to see them? They're still waiting for you outside." "... No." And so you left.

Imagine, Kaeya has always been aware that there was something going on with the two of you. You were quite different after all, different when it comes to him and Diluc. And it was quite obvious to be honest. So when he started ignoring you after that night, it was strange and funny. How his heart would often ache just by you calling his name.

Imagine when you left, a part of him left with you too. You were... everything after all. It may not be obvious, but you and Diluc were his everything back then. So as years have gone by, things like his were on the back of his mind, long to be forgotten. Just like what he was always hoping to. Or so he thought.

"One glass of wine please!" He utter with a smile, one way of teasing Diluc as the red hair started serving behind the counter when the familiar bell rings indicating an incoming customer "And one beer for me." And there comes the ache again. As the two head turn, one red and one blue. "It's been awhile." They smiled, the same damn smile they always gave them.

Imagine after a long moment of silence, he manage to hold up a smile. "Back in town?" "Oh you bet! It's been so long!" "You should have given us a heads up before you came back." "Oh please, I don't want to hear that coming from you, who left without a word, Diluc." You joked, even giving Kaeya a side eye as you made fun of the other guy, just like the old times but there was something obviously different. The way you look at him...

Imagine it was a joyful yet silent night for the three of you, with Kaeya just smiling, butting in for a few times but just there by the side, it was quite uncharacteristic of him, just casually playing with the wine on his hand before it was time to go. "Well, I got to get going." "Already?" You pout, Diluc scoffing at your reaction but somehow giving Kaeya a look of concern. "Duty calls." He laughs before giving you and Diluc a playful smirk then walking out of the pub.

Imagine as soon as he did, he let out a deep sigh before walking towards the direction of the headquarters. And just like all those years back, his heart ached every steps he take. Then he stops, look back, then look up then down to his feet as he hold a hand on his mouth. The way you look at him right now. "Oh Barbatos." He suddenly laughs. "I'm late, am I?" He added.

"Kaeya!" Unlike before where no matter how much you called after him, he did not turn around. This time, he turn around to face you. "Miss me already?" "Yeah!" You laughs, and oh celestia. How wonderful that laugh sounds. "Let's grab a drink in sometime okay? When you're not so busy!" "Alright, but your treat, okay?" "Aww! Come on now!"

You were a wonderful experience even if you're never mine.

Pantalone

Can all this mora buy me a time machine, no.

Imagine growing up with Regrator on a very poor neighbourhood, basically in the streets. It was pretty much forgotten how the two of you first met but what was important is that the two of you have manage to stick together in tough times. Being young, broke, and basically has no one to take care of the two of you. The two of you only have each other to hold on and lean on into. That was the childhood of the Regrator.

Imagine, now that he is practically the richest man in Teyvat, there was no other things he couldn't buy at the same time. There was nothing that picks his interest. "What do you think, (Your name). It's such a shame that the gift I was planning to give Tsaritsa was stolen within the warehouse, though. I'm quite thankful the things I've bought for you was safe." "..."

Imagine they said that the Regrator was a man of desire, a man greedy for money for some reasons for they do not know where he have come from nor his goals. He was also quite close to the Doctor, someone almost everyone was too scared to talk into. There were a lot of things that came into mind when asked about the Regrator but if there was something obvious that no one talks about was the torn, ragged and almost faded picture on his office table not fiting for its picture frame that probably causes hundreds, no millions if not much higher cause of mora. And no one was allowed to talk about it.

Imagine, life was tough for you and the Regrator. But you manage to make it side by side. You manage to survive though that poor environment. Then he started making money, he starts finding a way to get you out of then damn place. You were there when he started a new goal. When he started pursuing his goal. Life was tough, it was but at least you have each other by your side.

Imagine, Pantalone was wise. He was greedy, but he was wise. You knew that, you knew him more than anyone else. So imagine one day as the two of you gets back to the old worn house, if you could call it a house. You felt a sharp pain on your chest. Causing you to frown and reach out a hand to massage it. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, just a little tired."

"I kept getting flashbacks nowadays." "..." "It was good- good old days, I suppose." He chuckle in contrast to the fake smiles and laughs he was giving other poeple specially in business. "I don't think I will be back anytime now, (Your name). You'll still be here when I came back, no?" "..." "I'll see you later, my treasure."

"Please... please please I'm begging you. Please treat her I- I'll make sure to pay la-" "Get out! I have no plans to treat beggars like you!" "No ple-" "Get lost!" As the door closes for the fifteenth time that night, and by the harsh impact, he ended up taking a step back that ended up with him falling backwards with you in his arms, keeping his arms around you to protect you from the fall as he could feel you burning up in his arms, quite trembling.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck... Just a little bit (Your name)... Just a little bit." Why does it has to be this way? Eveything was doing fine. The two of you have finally manage to save up some money to start up a business and it was doing fine. In fact you would be having your profit in days to come even though you two were quite broke right now. Why do you have to be sick right now? No wait no no, he's not blaming you. Just. Fuck. If only he has a vision, if only those so called Gods could help right now, create some miracle. FUCK!

Imagine, as a new recruit fatui member carelessly and mindlessly barge in into the office room of the Regrator. Even foolishly touching things here and there in the room, as soon as he took a lift up a book within the shelf, the shelf moved causing the newbie to gasp nevertheless as curiosity got the best of the her, she followed down the road where it leads into a small cozy room but there was something which causes her jaw to drop.

Imagine, in the corner of the room was a glass like container, which contains a doll, no. It was too realistic to be a doll. It was a person. A person who seems to be sleeping but the newbie knew really well that that was a corpse. Talking a few steps to get a closer look. She noticed that the corpse was well dressed, be it on the silk that made up the clothes, the jewellery that compliments the overall looks of it to the shoes and even the (hair color) hair that seems to the styled by the best hair artist in teyvat. It looks like tons of mora was wasted on such corpse.

"I would have understand if they were alive, in fact it would have been worth the mora if they were only alive. Is it the hobby of the Regrator to dress up such thing? Such a weird hobby." "Are you done?" "Ah sir!" As the newbie was about to turn around, she couldn't, already missing her head. "Ah ah, look at the mess you made, Dottore." "You'll make a bigger mess if you took care of it. See the blood already staining the glass of your beloved?"

Imagine Pantalone rolling his eyes at Dottore who just smirk before leaving the room. He already had enough of the thing that was about to happen, besides he just happened to have a new lab rat he just killed because a certain someone wouldn't leave him alone to make something.

"Pantalone." He felt your hand clenching around his. It was warm. "You're warm" You smile. "I wish we could stay like this forever." "The Doctor is coming... Hold on a little more, okay?" Despite the intense pain you are feeling right now was you tried to hold on into every little bit of consciousness you have left. "Pantalone..." "They're coming okay? Just a wai-" "I'm tired." You snuggle even closer to him. "I want to sleep... Can I sleep?" "No... no no no no no no." "Aww. Why?" You tried to open your eyes. Wanting to see him again for the last time. "I lived a good life." "No, I haven't given you that good life yet. Not yet, please. Please please in a moment the doct-" "Pantalone... I'm going to sleep now. Okay?" As you shut your eyes forever, never once did the doctor came.

"I'm sorry, look at how messy the room has become." He apologizes as he approaches and hold on into the glass were you were being contained and preserved. "Since no one is allowed to enter this room other than Dottore, I would have him clean up the room." He sigh before pressing his forehead on the glass. "He said it woulk take time and money to find a cure for you but don't worry. I would be willing to spend all the money in the world as long as you wake up again, okay?" "..." "I cannot wait for that day to come so for now I apologize but you have no choice but to stay asleep."

I'm sorry for leaving so early, for leaving you all on your own to face the world, I love you.

Thoma

In another life, I would make you stay.

Imagine you were his childhood friend, his best friend, his partner in crime and the list could go on for so long as the two of you basically grew up together. His father being on of the servants within your household and him being allowed to stay whenever he would come to Inazuma after the vacation of his father back in Mondstand. To Thoma, you were someone whom he knows very well. After all, you were his first master to serve before the Lord of the Kamisato in present times.

Imagine you were the heir to one of the prestigious clan within Inazuma. And as the heir comes with responsibility, the training was very harsh and strict, you could never let your guard down even for a child who should only be enjoying wonderful things in life. But you are different, those (hair color) hair and (eye color) iris that your clan seems to worship, the true appearance and characteristics of a heir they say that would only come once per generation. It was nothing but a curse to you.

Imagine growing up in a strict environment. With your younger siblings basically neglected from the parental things that one child needed, you were the one to fill in the role for them. Giving them all your free time, making sure not to let them experience the same treatment that was given to you. Basically the puppet of the elders within the clan. To be honest it was exhausting. You knew your parents loves you at the same time the way they are treating you, saying it was for the greater good was something you hate then for. And to add the neglectful treatment of your siblings, you basically becoming the parental figure to them when you yourself is lacking one. And you hate them, you hate the freedom they have that you have and probably would never got.

Imagine that is where Thoma came into. The shy but kind boy from Mondstand who came with his father one day and started interactin with you. Following you anywhere, watching you do what you're supposed to do such as train and studies. It was strange to be honest, but the more he get to know you and the more you get to know him, the more he influences you. You started smiling, laughing. Started enjoying the little things in life you never really looked into before.

"Will you be back?" You cling into the hem of his shirt as he gives you a toothy grin. "I will, little lord-" "(First name). Call me (First name)." As soon as you said that, his eyes widen, then he giggle. "Alright, (First name)." With your little hands letting go of his shirt, "Wait." "Hmm? What is it?" "What's your name." "..." "I've been playing with you for a month and you don't even know my name?" "..." "It's Thoma." "... Thoma, huh." "Yes! Don't forget that!" Although that did earn him a roll of eyes as you turn your back at him. You never forgot his name.

Imagine the more you two grew close, the more you felt freedom within him. Maybe it's because of the land where he came from, Mondstant was it? The city of Freedom as they called it. At the same time, behind the laughs and smiles you express as he comes by. Was the more hasher and strict the rules for you had become. The more you were focused to the goal of becoming the perfect heir for them, as you should have become. It was slowly ruining you, it was slowly killing you from the inside despite the smiles and freedom you have whenever you are with your sisters, but more specially with Thoma.

Imagine, on your becoming of age. Despite the celebration of the whole village, the whole manor. You're not happy. You're not happy at all. All the unwanted responsibilities, the expectations. The lack of freedom, love. Your sisters and Thoma was all you have. They were all you have left and the music that Thoma have taught you. The music that seems to have set you free. But in order to pursue that dream, you must leave. But how could you leave?

"Are you alright?" He spoke as he stand next to you who was in the middle of the hall. "Why won't I be?" "You really look like you want to leave right now." "... Want to dance?" "Right now?" "Right now. Let's go." You urge him, standing up from your seat as you hold up a hand for him to take. And he did, with a smile on his and your face, you let him guide you in the middle of the hall, causing people to move away as you move, probably confused at the same time because this is far from the custom this country has. And this, a dance was something common to his culture.

"(First name)!" It was only after the dance that you part ways with Thoma and meet up with your sister when the youngest came into you with... a lovestruck look on her face? "Who was that guy?" "Huh?" What is this sudden feeling of uneasy? You have never felt like this before. "The one you danced with! Who is he?!" She asked enthusiastically. "I have never seen him before! Who is he?" "Huh?" This time, your lips unconsciously curl up, the feeling of wanting to laugh and throw up was building up all at the same time. "(First name). Introduced me to him, please?" Huh? "Sure."

Imagine things happened fast. One moment your sister came up to you and the next moment you were introducing her to Thoma who seems to took a liking on her. Making you realise that this was in fact the first time they have meet, your sister has always been in one of the spare houses within the village and not in the main manor. On the heirs stats in their and so does Thoma, who happened to be your best friend and one of your close aide when he was on vacation to Inazuma.

"Your sister is very kind. I think... I think I may have liked her." He laughs and so did you. At the same time something inside you broke. Was it your heart? Maybe? But for the first time in your life, the urge to get away finally kicked in as if you have lost all means of any reason to stay. So that night. That night you left, you left as you have no other reason to stay with so many things waiting for you, your freedom.

Imagine how hurt, confused, and lost they all are when you left without a word. Not even a letter. But then again, everyone in your family, sisters aside seems to have moved on easily. But eventually he does too, leaving your family clan into the Kamisato, someone your other sister was once in a relationship with too and work there while being in a relationship with your youngest sister.

Imagine years after you were gone. Came back. As the main family gathered in the estate. With him standing next to your sister, all these years staying strong and engaged. His Lord, Kamisato standing rigt across him with your other sister by his side yet knowing the cold look on his face, he knew his Lord wasn't happy. Your parents currently out the room, greeting you probably who came back after long years of disappearance.

"It's... been so long... everyone." It was a voice he haven't heard for so long. A voice he have long forgotten but knows who it was if he had heard it in the middle of the crowd. And the very moment you emerge into the room. Everything seems to stop, your smile. It was brighter than ever, than those nights the two of you would sneak out to have some fun. This time, he knew you were happy. "Thoma! It's been so long! How are you."

Imagine he don't know how to reply, his heart beating wildly on his chest upon seeing you again. He without thinking, he pull you into a hug, breathing your scent he have missed for so long. Oh Archons, how much he missed you. "Hahahahahaha missed me that much Thoma?" "Oh you little- of course I do! How have you been?! Are you coming back for goo-" Mid sentence were you pulled away from him, a pair of strong arms warped around your waist pulling you away from Thoma. "Too close." Your fiance pout on your shoulder. Huh?

"Darling, behave. Don't embarrass me in front of an old friend." You giggle but doesn't break away from your lover's arms. Huh? "Oh right, Darling. This is Thoma, the one I often told you about in my childhood, the one who taught me how to play instruments? And Thoma, this is my fiance..." he couldn't hear it. But he could hear the a cracking noise from somewhere. Was it his own heart breaking? Why was it breaking? He was in love with your sister. Why is he feeling this way? Should he be feeling this way? Wh- huh?

"What are you doing here?" You spoke as you emerged from behind. It was midnight, and it was right after the banquet that everyone was supposed to sleep when you two happened to see each other from the old stop where the two of you often meet in the past to sneak out. "Can't fall asleep?" You asked and he shook his head. "Don't worry, I'm the same. Probably home sick, I'm glad that my lover was able to fall asleep easily though, probably quite nervous into meeting my family, specially upon confrontation with my parents." You chuckle and sat beside him.

Imagine the comfortable silence, or at least for you as he was drown in thoughts. Thoughts he shouldn't be having but right now, he does. "(First name)." "Yeah?" "Would you leave if I told you to stay?" "Back then? I would probably have." "I see." "But I don't think we would work out." "... What makes you think so?" "My sister was inlove with you, and you were in the process of falling for her. You know back then I would do anything for my sisters" You chuckle, looking from to the sky then on him. "Right?" And then he look away.

"I should get going." "Already?" "Yeah, my lover would be anxious not to see me by their side when they wake up." "You love them alot." "I do." You chuckle. "I do love them alot. I wouldn't come back here if I don't." You shook your head before standing up. "Don't stay up later for so long, you may catch a cold." You spoke then messes with his hair then started to walk outside. "And Thoma?" "... Yeah?" "Thank you for staying by my sister side. It's really good to see you again."

I loved you too early, and you love me too late.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

: Fun fact, Thoma and Ayato fell for the same reader. Another fun fact, Thoma and Ayato's idea came from my fictional novel 'She was' (totally not promoting.)

#dark night hero #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin angst #genshin thoma #genshin kaeya #genshin pantalone #genshin x y/n #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanfic #genshin x you #genshin impact pantalone #kaeya alberich #genshin impact kaeya #thoma imagines #genshin impact thoma #genshin tohma imagines #genshin tohma #thoma x reader #thoma angst #thoma x y/n #tohma x reader #kaeya x y/n #kaeya x you #kaeya x reader #pantalone x reader #pantalone angst

[metalomagnetic]

Snippet for It runs in the blood.

***ok, so the chapter is almost done; I just need to edit it now, and cut some scenes or arrange them around. This scene might get cut, so I decided I might as well post it here. If all goes well, we'll have the new chapter by the end of the week.***

-

“Are you afraid of me, Sirius?” 

They are in bed, Sirius regaining his breath, on top of Voldemort, his forearms supporting his weight, on either side of Voldemort’s head. 

It’s a very weird time to ask such a question, right after Sirius came. He’s still inside Voldemort. 

“Is this what you think of while I fuck you?” Sirius demands, looking down into those focused, sharp eyes. 

Should have let him fuck me instead; or sucked him off. Sirius is sure Voldemort’s mind doesn’t wander on those occasions, as it apparently does when Sirius fucks him. 

“Answer me.” Voldemort’s voice is soft, his gaze curious and intense, impossible to hide from. 

It makes Sirius wonder why he even needs to ask, when it always feels as if Voldemort can see straight into his soul. 

He tries to climb off Voldemort, but one of those deceptively thin arms coils around Sirius’ back and traps him in place, oh so easily. 

“No,” Sirius says. “Not really,” he rectifies. 

One of Voldemort’s eyebrows lifts, questioningly. “Not really,” he repeats. He sounds displeased. 

A cynical part of Sirius almost wants to ask if he’s displeased Sirius doesn’t fully fear Voldemort. 

But he knows it’s the other way around. Voldemort doesn’t want Sirius to fear him at all. 

“I’m not afraid of you,” Sirius clarifies. “But I am aware of…hmm.” Sirius moves one of his arms, his finger smoothing over the frown that appeared between Voldemort’s eyebrows. “Of how powerful you are,” Sirius goes on. “Far more powerful than I am.” 

Voldemort frowns harder. 

Sirius tries to move again, and this time he’s allowed. He lies beside Voldemort, but soon, Voldemort shifts, and now he’s glaring down at Sirius. “One only needs to worry about enemies being more powerful. I am not your enemy.” 

“I know. I’m not worried,” Sirius says. “Just- aware. I- well, you wouldn’t understand, would you?” 

Voldemort hasn’t met, and never will meet, someone as powerful as he is, let alone someone more powerful. 

When he was a child, Dumbledore; but, as he pointed out, Dumbledore was an enemy, in Tom Riddle’s mind, branded as such from a very early age. 

He wouldn’t know how it feels to fall in love with someone so out of his league, someone that could destroy him in a second. Someone that sleeps besides him, cooks for him, but, if it came down to it, someone that could easily annihilate him, on a whim. 

Sirius smiles up at him. “It feels dangerous,” he explains. “But that’s not really fear, and I like danger. Living on the edge, and all that. If you weren’t this ridiculously overpowered, I probably wouldn’t like you so much.” 

'Like' is a massive understatement. Sirius loves him, he’s obsessed with Voldemort to a terrifying degree. There lies the problem. “It’s more - I fear that I will disappoint you,” Sirius confesses. Fucking Voldemort. He knows me too well. He knows Sirius is more open after he comes, more willing to voice things he would struggle with at any other moment. “That one day-"

You’ll grow bored of me. I’ll stop being this new shiny toy. 

Though, truly, it’s been a while. They’ve met two years before. They’ve been fucking for around a year now. Sirius has practically moved in with him for a couple of months. And Voldemort doesn’t show signs he’s bored or disillusioned with Sirius so far. 

“Anyway,” he says, trying to end this subject. “I’m doing my best to catch up to you,” he jokes. 

There’s no catching up with Voldemort. Sure, Sirius is growing stronger every day, seems like it. He feels he left his peers in the dust, behind him. He feels he could destroy most Death Eaters in a one-on-one duel; most Aurors, too. 

He feels it’s possible one day, into a not so very distant future, that Sirius will become one of the most powerful wizards in Britain- perhaps even Europe, if he works hard enough. 

It’s not farfetched. Power is in his bloodline, it’s his birthright, and Voldemort’s tutelage only pushes Sirius further on this path of power. 

But he’ll never catch up to Voldemort. Not even close. No matter how many books he will read, what he will learn, how much he practices -it’s simply impossible. 

Men like Voldemort, men like Dumbledore or Merlin, are anomalies, aberrations of magic- their power is not a tangible goal. 

Rarities, exceptions. Truly, it’s a wonder they got Voldemort and Dumbledore in the same century. One of these freaks of magic usually comes around every other century or so. 

And we got two, in Britain, at once. How lucky. This island is truly cursed. 

Or blessed. 

Depends how one looks at it. 

“At least I scare you productively.” Voldemort still sounds displeased, though less so than a minute ago. 

Sirius rolls his eyes. “I’m not scared,” he insists, and he pushes Voldemort off him, with enough force to make him retreat. “Why don’t you make me something to eat,” he barks, to show he really isn’t afraid of Voldemort. “I’m starving.” 

The fact that he doesn’t get murdered or at least tortured on the spot, the fact that Voldemort actually gets up and heads to the kitchen, proves to Sirius he really doesn’t have much reason to fear him. 

#it runs in the blood #Voldemort is the worst at pillow talk

[astrologylife1]

Personaly Astrology Observation

Someone that has your same Rising to your moon is your match. These two understand emotionally and intensely more. The moon signs feels and the rising lives through it. This is how it plays out:

A Scorpio moon as a child feels intensity based on their surround environment. If a Scorpio moon man saw his mom get her heartbroken by his dad he will be able to emotionally observe this and maybe take on his parents transformation.

A Scorpio rising lives through the transformation. Most people with this placement including myself not only saw their parents toxic relationship but also had a parent emotionally damage them as kids by leaving, with Aquarius being in 4th house.

So when the moon meets the rising they are able to connect on similar life paths emotionally 🖤

In simple terms meeting someone that has your Venus, Moon or Rising this is what I’ve learned

As a Virgo Moon I met a guy that was a Virgo Sun. We were only friends at the workplace. This was years ago so I didn’t know he was a Virgo at the time. He noticed me first and always complimented me. But he would do it in a way I would feel special. As the moon sign I was intrigued by the attention to detail he had when he talked to me. Our humor was always high and we quickly had our own inside jokes. We both made jokes based off judging other people 🤣(VIRGO) I never had feelings or emotions for him but chemistry was there strong based on our similar thinking.

My second real relationship ended January last year but we lasted almost two years. We’re both Venus in Sagittarius. It was very easy to be with him because our love language was the same. We both liked to watch movies, eat and go places together. If I wanted to do something he’d go and vice versus. If he needed place or vice versus no problem. Full of passion and good vibes.

My moms moon sign is Sagittarius and I am a Sun Sag. Growing up my mom was erotically emotionally abusive and intense. I never liked that and get triggered by people who express themselves that way.

I dated a Scorpio moon and I am a Scorpio rising. From the start we both were very aware of eachothers mannerisms and reactions. He was always able to understand me emotionally and why I did or didn’t say something.

#astrology #astro observations #synastry #astro #zodiac #aries #relationship #sagittarius #pisces #scorpio men #Scorpio moon #Virgo moon #family #placements #astrology chart #synastry astrology

[soudakuwunmoment]

About Dirk's role in the downfall of DirkJake

I mentioned recently in a post that I don't like DirkJake as much as I used to, and credited that to how Jake treated Dirk before they broke up. I know it's far more popular to say the breakup was Dirk's fault, but I'm here to add my perspective, because I truly don't think this is entirely the case.

Disclaimer, I am BIASED AS SHIT. I LOVE Dirk as a character, I relate to him on many levels, and his breakup with Jake is one of those levels. I was in Dirk's place a few years ago in a near identical situation, with a partner who was dissatisfied with our relationship and refused to tell me, while simultaneously distancing from me in a way which was incredibly unhealthy. I don't hold it against him now, and neither do I hold it against Jake. Both were teenagers. Immature and scared. However, while this gives me bias, I also think it gives me a unique perspective and experience in this exact situation. I think I have a place discussing this.

So, where to start? Well, first of all, let's establish what the issue was and how it led to the breakup.

After the time skip, we see that Jake is frustrated with how clingy and overbearing Dirk is being. He is overwhelmed by the intensity of the relationship, but is too scared to say anything because he doesn't want to upset Dirk or put them on bad terms. After all, Jake DOES love Dirk, despite what many people think. Having issues with your partner does not automatically mean you don't love them. In response to Jake's distant behavior, Dirk tries especially hard to impress him, make him happy. Dirk is anxious; he has been lonely his whole life, and has loved Jake for 3 years at that point. He is finally physically close with someone who he loves and is having his feelings returned. But now he senses that he might lose that. Dirk is VERY proactive about his problems, and is notoriously a chronic overthinker. So, Dirk attempts to "mend" things. He offers adventures and treasure and tombs; Jakes favorite things. Jake doesn't see Dirk's intentions and is oblivious to how anxious he is. He doesn't read behind the lines and therefore comes to the conclusion that Dirk has just been far too clingy lately. And so, we have a vicious situation. Jake's reaction to Dirk's clinginess is to hide, and Dirk's reaction to Jake's distance is to overcompensate and be more affectionate. It's a cycle that only gets worse the longer it's left unchecked.

So how can this be solved? Communication, obviously. It's the key to healthy relationships. I feel very strongly about that.

Both parties could do to communicate their exact thoughts, but in reality, Jake is more at fault. Sure, it would help if Dirk were to express specifically that he is anxious about the relationship and that's why he's being more clingy. But realistically, Does Dirk know that? Is he self aware enough of his actions? He never makes it clear whether he is. And him saying this to Jake, while it would help, it would only get them so far. The responsibility ends up on Jake. After all, Jake is fully aware of the reason for his behavior, we KNOW this. He tells us why he is doing what he's doing. And if he were to express this to Dirk, it would not only soothe his anxiety ("I see, so Jake isn't avoiding me because he doesn't love me/there's something wrong with me") but it would also spark a conversation about what to do about their situation. Perhaps a "I will give you the space you need so long as you don't become too distant/spend time with me" from Dirk, or an "I will spend more time with you so long as you respect my wishes when I wish to be alone" from Jake. But no, they can't have this conversation, specifically because Dirk does not know WHY Jake is becoming distant. Yes, Dirk DOES know Jake wants space. He is aware of this. But he does not know WHY. This is why he is anxious; he thinks it's because of his own personality or because he is a burden or because he is "toxic" as he often describes himself. And as long as Dirk is anxious, he will become "aggressive" in his clinginess. Sure, you could say this is a negative trait of his, but it can be avoided with communication, VERY easily.

You can say the breakup is Dirks fault all you want, and yes, he plays a role. But my opinion is that if either of them were to be considered a victim of the other, Dirk was the one who suffered more as a result of Jake's refusal to communicate.

#homestuck #hs #dirkjake #dirk strider #jake english #this is one hell of a controversial take #but i stand by it with every goddamn cell of my being #which isnt a lot of cells #but its all i got #so its the thought that counts #i think #anyways yeah fuck jake honestly #im projecting i know #but let me have this

[unicornjoking1111]

Success stories in Neville goddard's book (the power of awareness)

*this is not my work as it is a copy paste of neville goddard's book*

This is the story of a very unexpected result of an interview with a lady who came to consult me.

One afternoon a young grandmother, a business woman in New York, came to see me. She brought along her nine-year-old grandson, who was visiting her from his home in Pennsylvania. In response to her questions, I explained the law of assumption, describing in detail the procedure to be followed in attaining an objective. The boy sat quietly, apparently absorbed in a small toy truck while I explained to the grandmother the method of assuming the state of consciousness that would be hers were her desire already fulfilled. I told her the story of the soldier in camp who each night fell asleep, imagining himself to be in his own bed in his own home. When the boy and his grandmother were leaving, he looked up at me with great excitement and said, "I know what I want and now, I know how to get it." Surprised, I asked him what it was he wanted; he told me he had his heart set on a puppy. To this the grandmother vigorously protested, telling the boy that it had been made clear repeatedly that he could not have a dog under any circumstances . . . that his father and mother would not allow it, that the boy was too young to care for it properly, and furthermore the father had a deep dislike for dogs — he actually hated to have one around. All these were arguments the boy, passionately desirous of having a dog, refused to understand. "Now I know what to do," he said. "Every night just as I am going off to sleep, I am going to pretend that I have a dog and we are going for a walk." "No," said the grandmother, "that is not what Mr. Neville means. This was not meant for you. You cannot have a dog." Approximately six weeks later, the grandmother told me what was to her an astonishing story. The boy's desire to own a dog was so intense that he had absorbed all that I had told his grandmother of how to attain one's desire — and he believed implicitly that at last he knew how to get a dog. Putting this belief into practice, for many nights the boy imagined a dog was lying in his bed beside him. In imagination he petted the dog actually feeling its fur. Things like playing with the dog and taking it for a walk filled his mind. Within a few weeks it happened. A newspaper in the city in which the boy lived organized a special program in connection with Kindness to Animals Week. All schoolchildren were requested to write an essay on "Why I Would Like to Own a Dog." After entries from all the schools were submitted and judged, the winner of the contest was announced. The very same boy who weeks before in my apartment in New York had told me "Now I know how to get a dog" was the winner. In an elaborate ceremony, which was publicized with stories and pictures in the newspaper, the boy was awarded a beautiful collie puppy. In relating this story, the grandmother told me that if the boy had been given the money with which to buy a dog, the parents would have refused to do so and would have used it to buy a bond for the boy or put it in the savings bank for him. Furthermore, if someone had made the boy a gift of a dog, they would have refused it or given it away. But the dramatic manner in which they boy got the dog, the way he won the city-wide contest, the stories and pictures in the newspaper, the pride of achievement and joy of the boy himself all combined to bring about a change of heart in the parents, and they found themselves doing that which they never conceived possible — they allowed him to keep the dog. All this the grandmother explained to me, and she concluded by saying that there was one particular kind of dog on which the boy had set his heart. It was a collie.

#loa success #loa #manifestation #neville goddard #vaunts & affirmations #the void state #void success #void state #law of assumption

[gutterprophet]

Whenever I am critically ill (as happens increasingly frequently these days) I lapse into a sort of delirious dreamstate as my body & brain start shutting down and I stop being able to process information normally

Roommates & caregivers who have watched it happen say that it just looks like I've died, I go glassy-eyed and limp and unresponsive, and turn pale blue as my vital signs tank. But internally I have intensely vivid hallucination-visions the whole time, and when I wake up in the hospital or wherever after being revived I remember them very clearly even while having no memory of what was actually physically happening to me while I was having death-visions

It's hard to describe the experience because it's so unlike anything else ("Jessica has a forehead scar from the bottom of the pool / I ask her what drowning feels like / she says not everything feels like something else"). I meet God and God is a flock of vultures with their beaks in my intestines and I know with more certainty than I've ever known anything that everything is going to be okay when they finish eating my organs. I walk through a field of bones and white trees and the sky is fractured into a thousand different shards of light and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I exist in every moment of my whole life simultaneously, re-experiencing it in vivid sensory detail, and I am wholly present and aware and undistracted in all of them, and each moment carries on in perpetuity. Will happen & happening & already happened. Time and space are no longer relevant concepts. Often there's singing, not like a heavenly choir but like a group of friends drunk and raucous belting out karaoke together, and sometimes distant marching band cadences I can feel vibrating through my sternum. I doze at a cozy house party in a room full of people who love me and I know that when I fall asleep someone will carry me down the hall to bed. I open a rusty farm gate and walk into an empty fallow field and feel calm like I've never felt before. I bleed and bleed and bleed. I look up and the night sky is white with stars. I know how everyone I love is going to die and I know I will be there when they do. I open my mouth to speak but the only thing I ever say is "I don't understand, but I can learn if you will teach me", and I still don't really know why. And then eventually I stabilize medically and wake back into normal perception and just have to keep living my mundane daily life making small talk with the Walmart cashier like I didn't just touch the other side of death.

I don't know if I actually believe that I am seeing something cosmic and true or if it's just random noise my brain generates when sufficiently deprived of oxygen. But the sense of total peace and happiness I always feel is reassuring to me. Up until the point I fall into unconscious dreamstate, illness is miserable and excruciatingly painful and panic-inducing. Whether you are afraid to die or not there's no way to stop that raw animal terror when you feel your heart stutter and your lungs seize. But it's nice to know that at the end of the final terror there will be good dreams. It's nice to feel certain that I am not going to die afraid

#i was up all night vomiting and i feel Bad but in a good way #calm and hazy and syrupy-slow like being slightly drunk. skirting the edge of the dreamstate again. #sleepily watching the neighbor's cattle graze out my window #possum posts #endblogging #i have a deathvisions tag but i can't remember what it is :(

[thecurioustale]

Art Begets Art and the Law Should Respect This

I believe in the tradition of folk art, which is to say: Borrow liberally and lovingly.

It's a practice we've been mostly sterilized from embracing in our modern corporatist society, where all of the big-name, commonly-recognizable "IPs" are imprisoned behind layer after layer of obnoxious lawyers with nothing better to do than torment the innocent. It's a terrible thing, a deprivation of our cultural oxygen—a crime against art and ethics.

As an artist myself, I often have to thread the needle of building upon the inspiring works of others while still remaining within the letter of our outrageous IP laws. It's something I think about a lot.

In Galaxy Federal, for instance, I mentioned last time that the name "Galaxy Federal" was inspired, among other things, by the mention of the "Galaxy Federal Police" title screen of the original Metroid game. When I was settling on this title for my series, I also found that Galaxy Federal is the trademarked name of a bank. I spent considerable time and mental resources, years ago, to determine to my satisfaction that it is permissible under the law for me to use this title.

I have to do way too much of this bullshit, and I know it'll still be for naught: If I ever do become an even remotely successful author, I'm sure I'll be sued anyway, probably for something I never even realized was an "infringement" despite all my vigilance. Because, at the end of the day, for big corporations and for IP trolls, our IP laws are just a racketeering scheme—a side hustle. I mean, Best Western trademarked the word "seniority." If someone wants to sue you, they're gonna find a way.

I am not really a "from scratch" writer. I don't sit down at a blank page and just come up with prose from first principles. My art is almost always inspired by things that I experience in my life, or by the ideas that result from those experiences. Sometimes—frequently, even—my inspirations come from things that are copyrighted or trademarked. I have written in the past about the influence of the video game The Secret of Mana on me as a kid. Among many other inspirations, that game has a neat sandship in it, and that's why the desert easts of Relance are prevalent with sandships.

Over the years I've become a pro at reinterpreting IP-blocked inspirations into usable, original ones—both in terms of the legal research I've done and the skills I've developed at transforming an IP-blocked inspiration into something usable. I've also become more knowledgeable about what I can get away with quoting directly: Certain things cannot be copyrighted, and trademarks have a finite zone of applicability.

It's all a very needless and skill-intensive ballet to achieve something that should be directly accessible. Obviously, there do need to be limits. As an artist myself, I am keenly aware that I wouldn't want to have no special claim to my own work. But if I were to rewrite our outrageous IP laws—and over the years I have amassed considerable material for a book on this—I would make it vastly easier for artists and the public in general to "borrow liberally and lovingly" from the sources that inspire them. Our current IP laws are like a crime-ridden police state: The security is in all the wrong places and just doesn't work. We could relax the laws considerably without hurting artists, and potentially even tighten them in other respects to better combat trolls and thieves.

But in the meantime, here's my advice: Don't let it daunt you. Dance the friggin' ballet. Get good at transformation. Liberate intellectual property from its prison in spirit if not in substance. And, when you're fearless and/or sufficiently obscure, just straight-up pirate. I think society has a duty to reject unjust laws through word and deed.

I don't usually don my pirate's hat, but I do sometimes. When I published the Prelude in 2015, for a limited time I also published a free companion soundtrack consisting entirely of, gasp, copyrighted music. Nowhere is the horror of our modern IP laws more evident than in the realm of music. What I did was basically create a curated playlist, to help set the mood of the story. I don't know if anyone even availed themselves of that soundtrack, yet for me to license all of those pieces to make my limited-time links lawful would have cost me thousands if not tens of thousands of dollars! All for something that it's possible nobody other than me even listened to. That's a crime against art. And it's a crime against artists. Our draconian IP laws hurt small artists the most. If I had had thousands of fans, I'd have been able to pay to play—and I would have done so, or perhaps I would have spent the equivalent money to hire composers to write an original soundtrack. But, as a nobody-artist and a poor person, whose own Curious Score musical compositions are long in the making, the lawful avenues are all unassailably closed off to me. This too is an injustice, of another sort.

Doing the companion soundtrack was the right thing to do in the tradition of folk art. None of those other artists (or, let's be real, the corporate goliaths that hoard most of this "content" in their treasure-vaults) was deprived of a single penny; in fact that's one of the great lies of the IP lawyers and their corporate masters: Cultural interchange usually improves income for people whose work is quoted by others. Borrow liberally and lovingly—and give credit where credit is due.

That's the way it should be.

And, one day, that's how it will be again.

#IP law #IP law is a fucking joke and painfully Orwellian and we should all be praying to the Bermuda Triangle to disappear these corporate lawyers #Prelude to After the Hero

[comicaurora]

I don't wanna stick my head into an ongoing argument especially as a non-artist but it frustrated me how quickly you got dismissed out of hand despite. Idk. Also being a content creator and artist who relies on people seeing and engaging with your work, both with Aurora and OSP

I was not expecting a full adult blogger whose posts I like and respect to publicly dunk on me for things I did not say and opinions I do not hold because my two-sentence post about something unrelated pinged the little "this is about me so I am justified to scold" sensor, and I was not expecting them to double down into condescension, and then I was further disappointed to conclude that they probably blocked me, because my two attempts at reblogging with a de-escalation and apology vanished into the tumblr error dimension and I didn't have it in me to rewrite the whole thing a third time.

Tumblr's reading comprehension is poor for sure, but I think the larger problem is how the platform is optimized for sweeping statements to be read as intensely personal. If a generalized statement crosses my dash that could be read as in some way negative or dismissive of me or an identity I hold, it's easy to feel like there's nothing in the world but me and that poster purposefully sniping at me personally. If that were the reality, maybe it would be fine for me to retaliate. But the fact is, that poster doesn't know me, the post is presumably about what it says it's about, and reading farther into it would require context it's impossible for me to know.

In this case, for instance, this person doesn't seem to know anything about me, so they don't know that I am myself an artist, that I know a little something about building an audience, and that I enjoy having a platform that enables me to draw attention to lesser-known but extremely high quality work. Instead, they saw my flippant two-post "kinda rude and entitled when this very specific rude thing happens" and decided I was an ignorant child who needed schooling because I was being rude and dismissive to the struggles of them and theirs.

I know why this happens. Tumblr, for all its size, feels intensely personal. It feels significantly worse when it actually GETS personal, like their responses were to me. Their post makes good points and I'm glad it's raising awareness for lesser-known artists and workers in need of support, but I don't enjoy being turned into a strawman and paraded for ridicule, especially by someone whose experience on this platform runs deeper than mine. Frankly, I expected them to be experienced enough to be kind.

It feels very shitty, obviously. Like many neurodivergent people - not to play that card, but, ya know - I am very, very used to being misunderstood and then bullied or ridiculed for whatever misinterpretation is funniest or sounds the snappiest for a crowd. I am prone to overexplaining to avoid this - in case this post didn't make that obvious already. Of course, overexplaining is not a healthy solution and it doesn't even work. It took me a very long time to even begin to accept that ultimately I had no control.

The conclusion I eventually came to, after years of trying to find the perfect way to comport myself so I would never, ever be hurt in this way again, is that there is no way to do that. People can always choose to read you in the most uncharitable way possible, to disregard your personhood and turn you into a posterboy for whatever crack or hot take they want to use you for. However, the flawed premise I was operating under was that, if I failed to be 100% understood, I would deserve whatever shittiness followed because I had failed to prevent it.

And I don't. Nobody does, ever. Pain is not a thing made okay by deserving. I understand why they reacted the way they did to me, but what they did was wrong. It was unnecessarily cruel and harsh and it came unprovoked. I feel bad right now because someone hurt me because they thought it was morally righteous to do so, and even if I didn't comport myself flawlessly and beyond reproach, I didn't deserve to be hurt.

So I feel shitty right now, but I managed to have a nice evening regardless and hopefully I can digest this bad mood fast enough that I stop dreading checking my notes. Thanks to the people who unprompted sent me cute pet pics.

#asks #not aurora #personal

[carpisuns]

Now that you are no longer avoiding miraculous ladybug spoilers, can I say that it is absolutely bonkers the way the sentimonster theory started out with just Adrien, but then spread to Felix, and now apparently kagami??? And I've heard there might be another person who is one as well?? Like at this point I think we might as well say that every rich kid in paris (or vaguely related to paris) is probably a sentimonster. I bet it was a top secret Agreste collection back in the day, and all of Paris' wealthiest got a slice of it

OHOOEHEHEHE YES AND IM LIVING FOR IT!! honestly I never thought we would get confirmation of the senti theory that is this clear—like I thought it would be hinted but left open enough for the average child viewer to totally miss and for deniers to be able to deny if they want to. And I guess they could still deny? But man I didn’t expect it to become so central!! the felix eps were insane i was yelling !!

A while back I saw this theory that was basically what you said—that all the rich kids in Paris were sentis. Because of that fancy weird cult party from the episode Gabriel Agreste. Which was so fascinating to me back then and now it feels not unlikely?

It’s so interesting bc we know sentis are created from a specific emotion. It would seem appropriate that Emily created adrien out of love, and that’s why he’s such a kind boy who gives undeserving people second chances and who loves people with all his heart. Im not sure what emotion felix would be?? he’s a pretty complex character but his sense of personal justice is strong, wanting to free himself first and then the other sentikids, and using morally questionable means to reach his mission. So maybe something along those lines. And for kagami, idk, is perfection an emotion? Desire for perfection? That idea is brought up more and more surrounding her and her mother is very concerned with kagami’s perfection.

This gets even more interesting to me when you consider Chloe. Admittedly, she makes less sense as a senti bc the other sentikids have a missing parent (presumably the one who wielded the broken peacock and then eventually died from it??). But im just considering the concept of Audrey making Chloe from her own emotions….which seem to consist solely of selfishness and superiority. So if Chloe was made with such ugly emotions, no wonder she is the way she is. And no wonder that every time she seemed to make a little progress, she backslid into her old behavior. Bc any display of self-awareness and kindness and genuine care for someone else goes against her emotional core—her very essence. Is it even possible for a senti to change their emotional core? that would be an insane display of self-control and sheer force of will that would challenge the very concept of sentis as creatures who are made to be commanded. if it’s possible for a senti to break the bounds of their emotional core, is it also possible to break the bond between them and their amok holder and disobey a direct order? Could they even break their link to their amok entirely? This is all crazy talk bc it doesn’t even make sense in context and I doubt Chloe would end up having that big of a role anyway lol but the implications are interesting to think about! It’s even interesting to think about XY and the possibility of him being a senti—emotional core of greed, maybe? or, like, shallowness? lol. his dad definitely controls him and his image pretty carefully so. Hmm!

anyway insane musings aside I am really enjoying this arc with the senti focus!! felix’s Argo fit is so cool. his villain song. Girl help!!! when he had to kill his sentimoon and cried…oh that got me. That was his SISTER !! and FELIGAMI HELLO???? FELIGAMI PRACTICALLY CANON AFTER 2 EPISODES??? i did NOT have that on my bingo card lol but you know what?? Hell yeah!!!!!! Kagami said if Adrien doesn’t love me I’ll simply fall for his more intense and moody twin who rapidly and rightfully became obsessed with me

#ask #therealslimshady #ml spoilers #ml emotion #ml pretension #i hope im getting these tags right it is SO hard to remember these ep names lol #ml

[snowthornes]

And then his words sunk in, and he stiffened. “The Shepherds?” His words came out rushed, urgent. “You’re— you’re Shepherds?” The dark-haired man blinked slowly, stoic and calm in the face of his teetering sanity. “Yes,” he said, straight to the point. “I am Blade Bronwyn, Commander of the Shepherds. This is my second-in-command, Trouble Alder, and my third, Tallys.” Ah, Thorne thought numbly, nearly straddling the line of hysteria. He could practically see his carefully thought-out plans crumbling before his eyes. So this is Caine’s infamous assassin-commander. He certainly looks the part. Blade looked at him as if he knew exactly what he was thinking. Thorne closed his eyes, took a deep breath… … Then flopped back onto the bed like a dead fish. A snort — a mix of what sounded like surprise and amusement — rang through the room, only to be quietly hushed by what sounded like the Norm woman. Thorne ignored the exchange, staring blankly at the ceiling. Shepherds. He thought bleakly. Of course they would be Shepherds. Of all the godsdamned luck in the world. Thorne had never planned on joining the Shepherds. TW: Panic attacks,  swearing, mildly off putting imagery (Thorne has strange thoughts sometimes).

1 ✦ “No offense, but you look like hael.”

“Do you believe in free will?”

Thorne tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, studying the man with an air of casual inquiry. The man’s apparel was all in black, a wide-brimmed hat — also pitch black — perched on his blood red hair and shadowing his eyes from view. A little smirk was sketched on his mouth. He would remind Thorne of a charlatan, if he didn’t exude such an air of… ominous knowing.

“Why wouldn’t I believe in free will?” Thorne asked, smoothly hopping onto the sudden train of conversation with nary a flinch and responding with a smile of his own, unfazed. He wanted to see where this was going.

The man waved a gloved hand, his slight smirk still fixed in place. “You know,” he said airily, “There’s the matter of the One-God — or gods, if you’re daring enough to admit it. Most believe that Xe has a plan for each of us. Some fate or destiny in mind when we’re created. If that’s the case, doesn’t that mean that every action we take is predetermined, absolute — out-of-our-control?”

Thorne lightly grasped his cup of water, keeping his face politely interested as he inclined his head at the other man in a gesture to continue. He suddenly felt all too aware of everything: the cool touch of the necklaces looped around his neck, the weight of the man’s intense stare.

Hael. Anything that had to do with that damned One-God made his spine itch. But it was too late to escape the conversation, not without exposing how much it had truly bothered him—

The man sat back and took a drink, hair gleaming like blood under the black of his hat. He gazed at him over the rim of his cup, his stare intense and unwavering. “Then there’s the matter of magic,” he said lightly, smacking his lips — Thorne’s gaze snapped coolly to his face, smile sharpening ever so slightly. He must have noticed his eyes. “In a world where anyone could secretly spellbind another — can we ever truly know if what we’re doing is of our own will or someone else’s?”

Lazily, deliberately, Thorne sat back in his seat; now carefully scrutinizing the man with a stare of his own. “Free will, you say?” The man inclined his head in affirmation. His light smile never wavered, but Thorne knew that he was studying his every move just as he was studying him.

READ ON AO3 HERE

Note: If you can't open the link and you get the 'typo in href.li.' error, just delete https://href.li/? from the link in your browser and press enter :D

Hello! Thank you very much for opening my fic :D This won't be a chapter by chapter retelling of SHOH, but more of a fic about Thorne's own experiences in Blest as himself , not as an OC limited by the (very understandable!!) narrative constraints of the game. There will be scenes that weren't directly addressed in the game like Thorne's initiation to the Shepherds, so there will be quite a lot of headcanon-ing going on! This is very much a passion project and something I'm writing for fun — Thorne Briers and the world of SHOH are both very dear to me, and I couldn't resist the urge any longer. I hope you have as much fun following the story as I do writing it!

This is an unpolished work; I'm still very new to writing. Hopefully I'll be able to improve my craft while writing this fic, and have fun doing it!

DISCLAIMER: The world and characters of "Shepherds of Haven" do not belong to me, but to Lena Nguyen. You can find her on Tumblr under the @ shepherds-of-haven. Thorne Briers is a character of my own creation, and the MC of this fic. Due to narrative reasons, there will be several lines lifted directly from the game (ex. when a canon character speaks). Please let me know if this is a concern!

#i finally finished rewriting it!! #it's... different. very different. #there's been a lot more canon divergence #but nothing too drastic! #let's just say that thorne's first meeting with the shepherds is going Very differently #i really hope i managed to keep everyone in character #i'm not very sure about the way i wrote blade speaking tbh #but i rather like the changes i've made!! #aspen writes.txt #shepherds of haven #shoh

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello! I'm an ESTJ (22F) and have had 4-5 incidents in my life where I've upset people badly because of my insensitivity. For example, when I was a teen, a friend wanted to go somewhere for a group outing, but I dismissed their idea and suggested going somewhere else which everyone agreed to, making that friend feel angry and unheard. Things like that. In the moment, I don't realise my actions can hurt people badly because personally, I wouldn't be hurt by that. But after going through several similar incidents, I realised the problem was indeed myself. So I’ve been working hard on being more tactful and considerate of other people’s feelings. Globally, my efforts seem to have paid off and my friends confirmed that I seem to have softened.

However, I’ve recently hurt a new friend (she’s an INTJ, 22F) because of this same lack of consideration. I damaged her trust in me when I told her that I’ve shared a personal experience of hers to friends of mine. At the time, I didn’t think that it was a secret and thought it’d be good to share her experience as to spread awareness. But she told me she was upset, and I could understand why, so I offered a sincere apology, which she accepted.

We started texting again, but only a few weeks later, I joke and say we don’t want to date frail guys because they wouldn’t be able to princess-carry us without getting crushed. I formulated the joke badly, and it could’ve sounded like I was saying that guys would get crushed under HER weight. She tells me that she’s insecure about her weight and even though she said she knew it was not my intention to say “You’re so heavy that guys would get crushed under your weight if they tried to carry you”, I am still told off quite sternly for the joke. I apologise immediately and feel very bad. It’s only been a moment after I’ve hurt once and here I am, hurting her once again.

However, this time, I also feel upset that she chose to interpret my words in the worst way possible. Badly formulating the joke was my fault, but she knew it was not my intention to say something mean. I feel like, in consideration of the previous incident, she still silently holds a grudge against me, so that the moment I slip up, she decides to have the most intense reaction to prove that I have done her wrong once again.

I have two interrogations concerning this:

- How should I deal with this friend? She still quietly holds onto my past mistake and I might have to continue walking on eggshells around her because it feels like she’s a lot less tolerant of any of my slip-ups. However, we don’t have the same type of sensibility from the get-go which highly increases the chance of me saying something that upsets her even if it’s far from my intention to do so. Should I graciously let our friendship go?

- It’s disheartening to see that even after making great efforts to avoid hurting others, I still manage to hurt them in the same way I did in the past. Of course, these kinds of incidents are a lot rarer now, but they still happen and it’s enough to cause damage in my newer relationships and it makes me feel I haven’t changed much… I don't want to upset any more people. Do you have any thoughts or advice concerning this?

Thank you for reading me and for your time dedicated to this blog, I really appreciate it!

---------------------

When a problem recurs like this, it's a sign that there's a lot more to it than you first thought. Are you ready to get into the complexities of what it means to be "insensitive"?

There is no way to speak such that you never offend anyone. The fact of the matter is that you'll never know everything about a person, so you can't always predict what will upset them. The older someone is when you meet them, the more hidden baggage there is to contend with. When you're getting to know someone, you have to accept the fact that toes will get stepped on. IMO, you actually have to welcome and embrace those painful moments as opportunities to learn about each other's preferences. Can you shift your attitude to one of acceptance rather than blame (requires Si)? Whether it's blaming yourself or others, it is always counterproductive because of its narrow focus on shaming and punishing. Blame doesn't help and usually leaves everyone feeling worse off.

If the relationship is meant to progress and thrive, both parties have to be willing and mature enough to work through misunderstandings in order to come out more knowledgeable and better prepared to treat each other well in the future. When someone isn't willing to give you the benefit of the doubt or is absolutely intent on seeing the worst in you even after you've tried to make amends, you can speak up for yourself, make your intentions/desires about the relationship crystal clear, and make a reasonable request of them to be more patient and forgiving. However, you don't have control over people. If they just can't trust you because of their own personal reasons, then they just can't, and then you have to make a thoughtful decision about how much emotion to keep investing in the relationship.

I understand your frustration with this insensitivity issue because I've actually witnessed many ESTJs around me struggle with it throughout my life. At the end of the day, I'm about the furthest you can get from being ESTJ myself, so there's only so far I can get in breaking down the problem for you. The rest is for you to reflect on and put into practice. There are several points to chew on and digest:

I. Lack of Restraint

Te+Ne often produces the trait of being overeager to act, for example: leaping before looking, speaking before thinking, judging before knowing, deciding before deliberating, etc. This can easily be taken too far into social recklessness. Extraverts tend to be rapidly stimulated by socializing and it's easy for them to get caught up in the moment and just blurt out whatever is on their mind.

Unless you've been abnormally sheltered, years of socializing experience should've already taught you that there are certain topics of conversation that are risky to broach due to their potential for inducing conflict, hurt, or suffering. If you need concrete examples, anything related to:

age; ageism; bodily functions; health issues; death; dying

spirituality; religion; religious beliefs and values

politics; hot button political issues/debates

workplace gossip, relationships, or politics

money; income; personal finances; class; classism

physical appearance; height; weight; lookism; disability; ableism

mental health; mental disorders; psychological issues

private sensitivities, vulnerabilities, shames, or traumas

troubling, problematic, or painful intimate relationship experiences

sex; gender identity; sexism; sexuality; sexual orientation; homo/bi/trans erasure or phobia

ethnicity; ethnocentrism; cultural beliefs and values; cultural insensitivity; cultural appropriation; race; racism; xenophobia

social constructs like etiquette; norms; language; intelligence; justice; love

There are a variety of approaches people choose for handling these topics. E.g.: Some people avoid them altogether in hopes of staying out of trouble. Some prefer obliviousness because they have no interest or can't personally relate. Some resist reflection on them and don't want to care about social consequences. Some purposely bring them up to provoke or push their beliefs.

I don't like to dictate how people behave. The most I can say is: Anyone who hopes to have great social skills and increase their odds of experiencing meaningful relationships ought to:

take time to properly understand why these topics are fraught and difficult for some people to talk about

carefully consider what their own beliefs/values are in relation to these topics and whether they are well-reasoned

approach the topics thoughtfully and respectfully in conversation

be willing to listen and adjust their attitude/approach upon receiving negative feedback

have an effective communication strategy for working through misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts

For ESTJs, the remedy to lack of restraint is Si development. There are two aspects: (1) Si awareness leads people to be more attentive, conscientious, methodical, and circumspect - all of which are generally important when it comes to successful risk-taking. When you make yourself more aware of risk and danger, you'll naturally proceed more cautiously. (2) Si encourages you to develop and follow reliable rules of propriety for navigating difficult situations. You get to choose your method of approach. When you don't have a method, you're flying blind, and chaos is not far behind.

II. Lack of Boundary Awareness

Common manifestations of boundary issues include: freely offering up opinions and advice; trying to solve people's problems for them; telling people what to do ("for their own good"); being judgmental and critical of people's shortcomings or vulnerabilities. ESTJs often believe that they are showing care through these behaviors, but that's only true if the behavior was invited and wanted by the receiver. When it is uninvited and unwanted, these behaviors are all forms of trespassing onto the other person's personal space or violating their rights to privacy and self-determination.

When Si and Fi are underdeveloped, ESTJs have a primitive understanding of the concept of "privacy". This can manifest in two common ways:

(1) Generally speaking, they don't think much about private things, let alone talk about them. This means they tend to assume that if someone talks about something openly, it's not considered private.

E.g. What does the word "share" mean to you? If someone shares an experience with you, does it mean that it's now yours to do with as you please? Nope. That experience still doesn't belong to you.

(2) Generally speaking, they don't understand that different people have different privacy preferences and boundaries.

One reason people learn about type is that they want to learn about individual differences and how to reduce conflict when navigating them in a relationship. One of the basic lessons type theory imparts is that applying your own type preferences to someone of another type can lead to conflict if you end up disrespecting their type.

For example, did you know that Ni doms tend to be intensely private people? There are many reasons behind it. One being that they are statistically the least populated types in society. Simply by virtue of being the smallest minority, they are the most likely to feel unseen, unappreciated, or misunderstood by people and society at large. Many Ni doms are wary of opening up because they have a special way of looking at the world that is repeatedly met with some form of invalidation by others. This makes it understandable that they can be slow to trust people and even actively look out for proof of untrustworthiness. Regardless of your intention, acts of insensitivity serve as evidence to them that you don't really understand them and thus can't really be there for them. Knowing this, is there something you can do to reassure them of your trustworthiness?

In other words, some people have a wider privacy boundary than others for reasons that you may not be aware of. ESTJs tend to keep fewer things private than INTJs. Before you talk about someone in their absence, you ought to think twice about whether the information you're about to disclose about them is considered private to them. If you're uncertain, that's all the more reason to be cautious, because it means you don't know them very well and haven't been granted license to talk about them as though you do.

When in doubt, it is best to clarify a person's privacy preferences through good communication and obtain consent before you offer up information about them to others. If you want to show people that you care about them and can be trusted, you ought to take time to understand their personal concept of privacy so that you can guard and protect it as well as they do.

III. Lack of Discretion

ESTJs often don't realize how gossipy they can be. In the heat of conversation, they bring up whatever points they believe are relevant or helpful, without considering the social consequences.

Remember that privacy is necessary because information about people can serve as a kind of currency. It can be traded for personal gain. It can be exploited to hurt someone on purpose. It can be used to treat someone unfairly. Just as you wouldn't walk down the street waving hundred dollar bills around, you shouldn't be careless with releasing information about people.

A simple example: Imagine you suffer from depression but you manage it well and live your life smoothly, perhaps even capable of doing your job better than your colleagues. Would you disclose your depression in a job interview? You shouldn't, because, due to societal stigmas surrounding mental illness, the interviewer might unfairly judge you as an inferior candidate compared to someone without depression, regardless of your actual work performance. Now imagine a friend of yours had talked about your experience of depression to help out someone also suffering, and then that very someone turned out to be one of your rivals for a job position. They could exploit information about your depression to sabotage your chances without you ever knowing.

The word "discretion" is related to the word "discernment", which means "to exhibit good judgment". How is this related to relationships? Due to inferior Fi, ESTJs often have very primitive notions of fairness and equality. They tend to make the logical error of believing that being fair/equal means treating everyone the same or seeing everyone as being the same.

The relationships in your life are not all the same. Some people should mean more to you than others because they are closer to you. Some people should be categorized differently because they serve different purposes in your life. Some people should be treated differently because of the specific relationship dynamic they have with you that others don't have with you.

To exercise good judgment in relationships, you have to understand that 1) each relationship is unique because the individual you're dealing with is unique, and thusly 2) every relationship requires a somewhat different strategy for maintenance and development. Successful relationships require thoughtfulness, which is why they're hard work.

On the surface, it may seem like a noble idea to treat everyone the same, but, in reality, it ends up looking as though people are basically interchangeable to you, to be used or replaced at whim. Why? You don't recognize all the things that make each person an individual. Most importantly, by not properly acknowledging individuality, it doesn't occur to you that it's necessary to learn about and accommodate each person's unique set of needs, desires, preferences, sensitivities, identities, and personality traits.

To know how to honor people's individuality is related to your introverted development. Through developing Si and Fi, you'll better understand the importance of your own individuality, and why it's necessary to nurture and protect it. This then gradually allows you to see, respect, and fully appreciate other people's individuality as well.

IV. Weak or Inconsistent Values

Oftentimes, there isn't productive discussion about "what really happened" when feelings get hurt, people are emotionally reactive, and fingers are being pointed. In the end, the easiest way through the conflict is for someone to apologize and the other to forgive. Or else break up. Are these really the only two options?

Ts tend to understand insensitivity simply as "accidentally saying the wrong thing". However, this is a very superficial way of looking at it. While I understand that T insensitivity is usually not a result of maliciousness, others might not be capable of such insight when they're feeling hurt and emotional. Regardless of what you originally intended, what do others think when you behave insensitively?

Firstly, it shows them a kind of carelessness, thoughtlessness, or even callousness, depending on the severity of the infraction. When you are too loose and casual with something that is of great importance to someone, they will see you as not really caring about it and, by extension, not really caring about them.

Secondly, it shows them that there is something lacking in your moral values. When people observe that you don't value the same things as them, it brings into very sharp focus the differences between you, which makes it easier to lose sight of the commonalities. Without a strong sense of commonality or "being in it together", the foundation of the relationship starts to crack, the feeling of emotional connection erodes, and then the willingness to keep the relationship going weakens. The more that differences of values appear to build up between you, the faster the relationship deteriorates. This is true for friendship and romance.

These two points are meant to explain to you the process of how exactly insensitivity damages a relationship. It's not meant to trigger self-reproach, but to allow you more insight into how you are seen by others, so that you have an opportunity to change how you come across to them.

When Si and Fi are underdeveloped, the fact is that ESTJs don't hold much sacred. While this is a personal choice, it can come across to others as a negative trait if it leads you to unwittingly trample all over what they hold sacred. Developing Si and Fi should help you improve on this aspect of the problem. There are two prongs of attack:

(1) Preventative Measures: As I outlined earlier, be more thoughtful about topics that are controversial but of great importance to the people you're interacting with. Start by clarifying your beliefs and values and what you hold sacred. Then, learn more about what the other person believes, values, and holds sacred.

For relationship development: Appreciate and regularly reinforce the common ground between you. Also work to alleviate the differences between you, either by reconsidering your beliefs/values in light of the new information they provided, or finding a way to agree to disagree about the points that you haven't yet been able to reconcile together.

(2) Healing Measures: There's no use crying over spilled milk, throwing around blame, or punishing yourself with unending guilt. When something has already happened, accept the reality of it, and figure out how best to mend what was damaged or broken.

Healing is usually best achieved through open and honest communication, to properly process the event so that both parties can achieve a sense of closure and move on from any hard feelings. However, remember that you can't control how others feel, and strong emotions take time to fade away. Never expect immediate results. You can only try your best to put hard feelings to bed, and then allow the other person time and space to heal.

The first time you offended your friend, it was over a matter of privacy. As explained earlier, you could show your commitment to doing better by actively learning more about her privacy preferences, understanding the reasons behind those preferences, and making a vow to honor and protect them in the future.

The second time you offended her, it was because you did not give enough thought to or place enough value on something that has a great impact on her life. While it was unintentional, you still have to confront the hurt, otherwise, there's no moving forward. Perhaps you can explain how you didn't see it that way because your personal experience has been different, but, since you've had a chance to hear about how important it is to her, it is now important to you. If you want a close relationship with someone, what's important to them should be important to you as well, as a way to show care, consideration, and solidarity in helping to shoulder their hardships. When people have a strong belief and value system, one important way to show you care about them is to consistently step up and stand up for those beliefs and values as an ally.

To heal a conflict, you must reinstill confidence in the relationship. By taking time to properly understand her point of view and taking steps to show her that her beliefs and values are also important to you, she is more likely to feel reassured and regain confidence that the friendship is worth salvaging and nurturing.

#estj #estj relationships #auxiliary si #inferior fi #entj #insensitivity #communication #conflict resolution #tactfulness #privacy #boundaries #values #empathy #ask

[thecherrytarot]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬.

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

your "injury" is something in your life that has hurt you enough to leave a scar on you. pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

𝐕𝐈. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 & 𝐈𝐕. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥.

Whatever hurt you was something that was very intense, i could almost feel the energy and it got hard for me to even say the question properly.

You may have been in a toxic realtionship with someone, they may have cheated on you (multiple times) and you felt heartbroken, you really loved this person and some of you may have even thought about sharing your life with this person. Thats why it hurts more, your dream turned into a nightmare that still haunts you. You both may have been obsessed (not necessarily in a negative way) with each other during the honeymoon phase of your realtionship but saw reality when it got over. One reason could be low self esstem. For many of you, this may have been your first love/realtionship. Cheating doesn't have to be the only reason for your "injury" it could have been that your partner may have fallen out of love or they dumped you as soon as you started to get serious. You felt used and your ego was hurt too. Some of you may even be divorced and that still affects you. Many of you might use sex as a way of revenge or closure, like you could go around and have many flings or go back to your partner and do it with them. The rebel card came out twice (once while shuffling) so there was something about authority aswell. Jealousy, possessiveness and control, this energy is coming more from your side. You may now act like this in your relationships to avoid getting hurt again. You think that if you control almost everything, this will go your way and you won't suffer. that's not how things work cause at the end of day, you are still hurting (both, you and your partner)

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

𝐗. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 & 𝐗𝐗. 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

i kept thinking about pile 1 while doing this reading so if you felt drawn to that you should check it out too!

Many of you may not have had much luck money. You grew up in a financial unstable family. You may have gone through many changes in life that have drained you. This could include different jobs or changing houses cause you couldn't afford your own (some of you might have lived in adoption/foster houses.) You may be upset cause you don't find stability in your life. I heard the message "a cycle of misfortunes is the only thing that is stable in my life" so take how that resonates. Some of you may even use such sardonically humor to cope up with this. When you were young, you had an image of your future self but now you are afraid that you'll never be able to achieve that and it was just a 'silly dream of an innocent child'. People around you may have judged you or made fun of you for being poor/not having a job. You felt inferior to them and this hurt you even. So to protect yourself some of you might lie about your past to fit in. Some of you may have even been rejected because of this. All of this could be because of past life/generational karma.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

𝐕𝐈𝐈. 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐗𝐈𝐕. 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 & 𝐈𝐕. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞.

TW : mentions of abusive realtionship and addiction.

I asked the universe why did i get the cards awareness and integration in reverse and the card rebel in reverse came out.

Just like the cards, you may feel like the things are in reversal and nothing goes in your favour. You may have lost control of your emotions and thus  lost control of your life.  Something big in your life happened that lead to this, i am not getting a clear message so im guessing that is a "secret" that you don't want anyone to know BUT for some of you this might be because of a broken realtionship or a loss of someone you loved. Some of might have been in an abusive and toxic realtionship, I'm just gonna leave at this so take however that resonates. You are stuck in your past and might refuse to take responsibility of your actions and how it affects you and others around you. Since you are stuck in the past you may not be learning from the lessons/experiences that come your way. You may have many emotional outburst and the emotions that you were trying to repress may come out and you may say/do things things without any self control and later on regret it. You may be addicted to gambling (stock market), alcohol/smoking or shopping. All three cards that you got suggest, lack of sef awareness and control so this is an important message and these cards also give one message of guidance :

"let everything go and start all over again. Release old negative destructive patterns and find a new and healthy way of coping with your emotions."

thank you so much for reading!!!

#free tarot reading #pac tarot #pac reading #fs tarot #love tarot reading #general tarot reading #tarot reading #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a pile tarot