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kiwi2229 · 10 months

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Medicine for my mind

(James Potter / Regulus Black | 997 words)

For @jegulus-microfic prompt: Potion

CW: underage drinking, bad coping mechanism

The silence that filled the room after the door closed behind James is deafening. Regulus was never an optimist, but when every bad scenario he ever could think of became true he found out there was a little hope in him after all. And now it’s gone. Regulus is pretty sure that losing hope is the worst feeling ever.

He sinks to his knees because there is no point in standing. He is done. He lost everything. And he isn’t even surpised. He always knew once he shows James his dark mark the boy will leave him. But seeing him actually walk out of the door destroyed him. It tore him open, leaving him bleeding alone in a cold room. And it’s all his fault.

Regulus waves his wand and summons a bottle of wine. He doesn’t even bother with getting glass. He just opens the bottle and drinks straight from it. “I’m sorry, Jamie.” He whispers and the only answer is the silence.

He can see the moment James finally realised Regulus was lost cause. He didn’t shout at him, he didn’t cry, he didn’t even talk. It was just a simple sentence I can’t Regulus. And with that, James walked out of the room and out of Regulus’ life. Regulus swings the bottle again drinking large gulps. The wine even though is expensive is tasteless in his mouth. It just burns.

It was only a matter of time before they would come to an end. There was never a different scenario for them. But to Regulus, the little time they had was everything. He only got taste of what it feels like to live. Not just surviving. And he doesn’t think he can go back to his old life. The bottle is empty, and Regulus opens another one. He drinks the wine like it’s medicine for his mind. Because the more he drinks the blurrier the world seems. The pain is still there, but instead of eating him alive, he feels like he is slowly drowning in oblivion.

“I’m so sorry.” He chatters over and over. “I was afraid. I’m sorry I was afraid, that I’m not as brave as Sirius.” His words are slurry, but it doesn’t matter. No one is listening anyway. These are just secret confessions that he never got to say out loud. “I wanted to be, you know? For you. But in the end, guess everybody was right. There is no point in trying to save a broken piece.”

His body is cold, and Regulus lost the only person who could ever warm him up. The bottle slips from his fingers and the red wine spills on the white carpet. Regulus doesn’t even bother to clean it. Nothing matters. He just opens another one determined to keep drinking until his mind shuts up.

He is lying on the floor curled up in a ball. “I just believed you for a moment. For one flattering shiny moment, I believed in a different ending. You once promised you would always be there for me.” Regulus wraps his arms around himself. He isn’t even angry with James for breaking the promise. He gave up on himself a long time ago. Sad acceptance filled his body. “I never got a chance to explain. But I guess it doesn’t matter in the end. I’m just so sorry.”

Regulus falls asleep alone on the cold floor surrounded by empty bottles and unfulfilled wishes.

~.~.~.~.~

James comes back to the room several hours later just to find this boy on the ground his body limp, the air filled with the smell of alcohol. It’s almost morning. James spent all night wandering around the castle trying to work this out. He didn’t want to leave his boyfriend alone last night, but he couldn’t stay there. It was too much. He picks up Regulus and lies him on a bed.

We are too young for this. We shouldn’t be dealing with it. We should be worried about exams and how to sneak into Hogsmeade. Not war. It’s not fair.

He wipes the tears from his eyes. Regulus stirs on the bed and opens his eyes. James can see the boy is still drunk. And considering the number of bottles on the ground he isn’t surprised.

“James?” Regulus whispers. And James’ heart breaks from the sadness in his voice. “at least I can see you like this.” James doesn’t understand, nothing makes sense. It all stopped making sense when he saw the mark on Regulus’ forearm.

“What do you mean like this?”

Regulus reaches up to him and the moment his fingertips touch his skin Regulus’ already red eyes swells with tear again. “You even feel like the real him too. I take it. If I can have you only in my dreams, I take it. Anything. Please just… I’m sorry that I wasn’t better.”

“We will fix it. I don’t know how but we will fix it.” James says.

Regulus smiles at him sadly. “Yeah, if you say so.”

James links their fingers together and it feels the same as yesterday. At least this is still theirs.

“My head is spinning,” Regulus whines and closes his eyes.

“Hold on,” James says quickly and summons a sobering Potion, that should help the younger boy. “Drink this and go to sleep.”

Regulus shakes his head. “I don’t want to go to sleep...” James’ heart aches from how defeated Regulus looks. “…not when you won’t be here when I wake up. I can’t do it.”

“I’ll be here. I promised, didn’t I?”

“You left. I let you down and you left.” Regulus whimper.

“I came back. I’m sorry, Reg.” There is no point in having a conversation right now. James shifts so he is lying on the bed and tugs Regulus towards him. “Sleep, I will wait, and we will talk in the morning.”

Regulus closes his eyes, the potion taking over. “I love you, James.” He whispers.

“I love you too.”

#Inspired by song Feel by Fletcher #this one is a little long #but it just took over me #i cried while writing this #I need to write some fluff next time #angst #sunseeker #regulus black #james potter #james x regulus #jegulus #james potter x regulus black #jegulus microfic #marauders #marauders era #first wizarding war #kiwi2229 writes microfics

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catmask · 7 months

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does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like #completion consistancy i am thinking for with this #personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥#i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional #i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic #but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one #it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played #however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music #because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do #so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan #very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay #TO ME 🤫#if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead

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inkskinned · 9 months

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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

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hhhhunty · 26 days

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How funny that she never considered that.

#one piece #boa hancock #monkey d luffy #i really disagree with how oda writes her #i think she likes him in the way a little girl crushes on the first boy to ge nice to her #simply because she thinks that's how it must work #she did not have the time nor was she safe enough as a child to feel those things #this was the first ever man other than rayleigh to not view her as an object #so she thinks she *must* love him #these have been my long-winded hancock thoughts #thank you

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lazylittledragon · 4 months

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you know what fuck it we’re doing dadstarion

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #idk if this is canon to the dorianverse yet but he looks like a little hobbit!!!#this is a Long long long time post brain i think. since they’ve sorted out the daywalker thing #i don’t think he’d be affectionate but i think he’d be VERY protective #they’re not bad parents in the way that they neglect or mistreat him or even just don’t love him #i think they love him to death but you just shouldn’t give your small child a KNIFE #this one is my favourite sister bc she reminds me of robin

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pineapple-frenzy · 29 days

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Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>