#this really is a reminder to myself to save the things that i like IMMEDIATELY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ambrosiagourmet · 3 months

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I love Izutsumi. She's got a great design, she's a fun addition to the main party, she adds some new tension, and she's honestly one of the reasons I read dungeon meshi in the first place. I mean, "the most cat to ever girl" is an extremely appealing hook to anyone who loves cats and girls (me, I love cats and girls).

However, while I have always liked Izutsumi, I finished the story kind of feeling like I didn't really get her. I felt like I had a decent grasp on her character an character arc (she's a traumatized teen given space to feel safe and open up, and because of that she realizes that she can't grow without letting go of the coping mechanisms she once needed). But I didn't feel like I really understood her role in the story as a whole.

She follows the group of her own accord, after a coincidental meeting and a misunderstanding of what they can do for her. She's never super invested in saving Falin, at least not compared to the rest of the group. Though they do help her escape Maizuru's shackles, and are clearly good for her in general, she doesn't really have a healing Moment with the group the way that Senshi does with the hippogriff soup.

And yet, she gets an entire chapter, the third-to-last chapter, dedicated to exploring her growth and future. She's the one who frames much of the falling action, who lets us check in with everyone. She's the one who helps talk Laios into accepting his role as king. She may join the story part way through, but she is there for most of it. So Izutsumi! What's your deal!?

Well, I think I've come up with an answer, at least for myself, that I really like. Two of them, even! Though they both really work together to form the overall point - Izutsumi is the character that most helps the story face towards the future. Here's why I think that.

So the first of these "ah-ha" moments was when I realized that Izutsumi really is the best supporting evidence for Laios' point about the good things that wouldn't have happened if Falin hadn't died.

If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, Izutsumi probably would still be a slave. It was because of Shuro and Laios' parties both being in the dungeon to rescue Falin, as well as Marcille's use of ancient magic in the resurrection, that she got the chance to escape. None of that would have been the case if Falin hadn't died. Shuro wouldn't have separated from the group and joined up with his retainers, Marcille wouldn't have revealed her knowledge of ancient magic, and Izutsumi never would have even met any of them. They are only part of her life because of Falin's death.

Though this isn't explicitly pointed out by Laios or Izutsumi in the scene, I do think you can very much feel the presence of it. For one, when Marcille reflects on the journey and how much it made her realize she didn't want to lose everyone, her relationship with Izutsumi is prominent:

It's the main original group at the top and center, but when you read it right to left, it’s Izutsumi and Marcille who might catch your eye first. And it's specifically Marcille and Izutsumi's relationship on display here, not just Izutsumi's presence in the group in general.

Also, after Laios' statement about how none of their adventure would have happened without Falin dying, it is Izutsumi who gets the final word:

Izutsumi is also the one here who is the most forward-facing. Chilchuck is trying to correct Laios, Senshi is focused on the immediate future, and Izutsumi is talking about her new goal.

And I want to talk about that goal in general as well, because it’s also interesting how it comes up. In that moment, everyone is trying to remind Marcille of her less destructive desires - to eat food, to share it with them, and to meet Chilchuck's family. All of which are previously established, existing desires. When prompted by Chilchuck to join in, however, Izutsumi offers something new:

That's interesting, isn't it? It's kind of funny, of course, to see her rambling on about a completely new thing, her own personal motive, in the middle of everyone working together to reach out to Marcille. Izutsumi doesn't even know who Yaad is! But at the same time, it’s kind of meaningful. Amidst the focus on desires that everyone already had, she adds a completely new one to the mix. It’s even the final bridge that lets Laios reach Marcille.

It is, in fact, even an idea that comes back later to help out another lord of the dungeon. The idea of finding new goals and feeling new desires... this is exactly how Kabru reaches out to Mithrun, after the Winged Lion is gone

So yeah, Izutsumi's presence here, both in what she's actively choosing to say as well as what she represents of the consequences of Falin's death, supports the story's ideas of moving forward. Of accepting the past, and finding new reasons to live.

Which is all really good, and that alone works pretty well as an answer to what Izutsumi's role in the story is.

But oh, oh. There's more. Something I realized after having thought of all this, because I still couldn't let go of the feeling that there was still something I was missing.

And as I reviewed the things I loved about Izutsumi - her sometimes unhealthy ways of coping with trauma, her struggles with isolation, her skill with fighting, her selfishness contrasted with the ways she grows to care for and protect the group, her perpetually guarded nature, born from the seeming impossibility of ever fitting in or finding a safe place to just be herself - I realized something.

Izutsumi...

is a foil to Falin.

Where Falin copes with isolation and trauma by being eternally caring and struggling to say no to people, Izutsumi copes by constantly saying no to everything she can. Falin is often considered selfless, but does have selfish desires that she can’t easily express until a moment of crisis. Izutsumi is delightfully selfish, but chooses to stick by her friends when they need her. They are both transformed, against their will, into partly monstrous hybrids, and they both will have to live with that - there is no undoing what has been done to them.

Falin anchors the group in the past. Izutsumi pulls them towards the future. Neither would find freedom without the other - it is Falin's death that leads to Izutsumi joining the party, and likewise, it is Izutsumi who inspires the realization of how they can save Falin.

And Falin is her future, as much as Izutsumi is Falin's. Both learn to be a little more like each other, even though they never meet. Falin gets a little more selfish. Izutsumi gets a little more willing to bend.

In this context, I feel like I have finally started to understand just how important Izutsumi is to the story. She is a proof that they cannot just go back, and she is a clawed, happy-to-scratch-anyone-who-pisses-her-off reminder, at that. In any conversation about what the group wishes would have happened with Falin, she cannot be ignored or brushed aside.

She is a reminder that, even in the midst of a tragedy so big it feels like a shadow you will never escape, you have yet to met all the people you will love. Hell, some of those people might even be catgirls. We should all be so lucky.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #izutsumi #dunmeshi analysis #dungeon meshi spoilers

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fictionalwh0ree · 4 months

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Hi! May I please make a Billie request where Billie realizes she has a crush on her best friend and starts acting nervous and shy around her, and Billie decides to go live one day and fans are asking about reader since she's usually always around and Bil's like "guys she makes me nervous cause I think she's super pretty" and basically admits her crush? Thank you 🥹🤗

cocktail night- billie eilish

summary: you and billie became fast friends, but the celebrity lifestyle sometimes interferes with your plans. you two finally have a free night and decide to have a cocktail night. with alcohol flowing through her veins, billie can't help but confess her crush on you to the world.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: alcohol/drinking, mild swearing

billie eilish was easily your favourite person in the world. despite having met only eight months ago, you guys had developed a bond unlike any other, spending any free time either of you had with each other. you knew you could spend every waking moment with her, and if you could, you definitely would. however, the celebrity lifestyles often clashed and while there were weeks were you could spend every day with each other, there were times where weeks would go by and you wouldn’t see each other. now was one of those dry spells where you hadn’t seen each other in about two weeks. you planned a little cocktail night together when you were both free. the idea had been your suggestion as the last couple of times you had seen your best friend, she had been acting strange. she was flustered and more quiet than usual. you blew it off as some weird way of coping with the stress and work that goes into writing and producing a new album, but thought that a couple cocktails might help loosen her up a little bit.

finally, the night arrived. you unlocked her door with the spare key she had given you and were immediately greeted by shark, who barked excitedly at seeing you. you bent down to pet him as billie ran down the stairs to meet you. with almost as much excitement as her puppy, she wrapped her arms around you in a hug while a large smile adorned her face. once she pulled away, you followed her to the kitchen.

“soooo, whats new?” she asked you.

“billie, we were on call just before i left the house,” you laughed before stuffing a couple chips in your mouth.

“but actually, this guy cut me off when i was driving and the guy behind me honked at me. i was so annoyed. the only thing that got me through the drive was reminding myself i would be drinking soon,” you vented.

“the thought of seeing me wasn’t enough to get you through the drive?” she joked, placing her hands over her heart dramatically.

“nope,” you smiled.

she kissed her teeth and looked away in fake annoyance, but the large smile on her face gave it away. she looked back over at you, your eyes locking, but only for a moment before hers dropped to the ground.

“i did miss you though, for real,” you affirmed.

“i missed you too,” she said.

“stop being so busy all the time,” billie joked.

“says you,” you laughed.

“you know, i think it would save you a lot of time if you had a muse to write about,” you joked, snagging a couple more chips.

“oh really? and who should my muse be?” she said, raising her eyebrow.

“me, duh,” you smiled.

“you’re already my muse,” she said, sending an exaggerated wink your way.

“aww, shut the fuck up,” you said, shoving her playfully.

“okay, come on lets get to drinking,” billie said, switching the subject.

you nodded in accordance and the two of you worked together, gathering everything you would need. as you prepared your cocktails, you downed a couple of shots each, leaving your prepared drinks, which were supposed to be somewhat aesthetic, a very ugly and delicious hot mess. you took your drinks into the living room and billie put on a movie. the two of you were already tipsy before having even taken a sip of your cocktail, and the movie had become background noise amongst your lively conversation.

before long, the two of you decided it was time to change into something more comfortable. thankfully, you had come prepared with matching christmas pj pants which you had bought earlier in the day. you told her to stay in her place, and she waited eagerly for you as you retrieved your bag. you pulled them out with a ‘ta da.’ she matched your energy, shrieking in excitement. she ran upstairs to get changed and as did you. once you were ready, you met her back in the living room, about to sit on the couch before the alcohol finally got to your bladder.

“i’m gonna go use the washroom quickly,” you told her.

she nodded, fidgeting with her phone. little did you know, she was going on live. the alcohol in her system making it seem like a good way to share your matching pyjama pants. she turned it on and within seconds, hundreds of thousands of people had joined. her live had just barely caught the end of your sentence, leading her fans to question where you were. the comments became flooded with comments along the lines of “is that y/n?” and “where’s y/n?”.

“yes guys, it is y/n,” billie smiled, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks as she slurred her words slightly.

“i came on here to show you guys our matching pj pants but she went to the washroom,” she continued.

her fans quickly picked up on the fact that she had been drinking and they had noticed the blush that got stronger with your mention.

“ouuuu she’s blushing,” one comment said.

“her cheeks r so red rn,” another one read.

“guyssss,” billie whined.

“who’s got you blushing like that 👀 👀” someone commented.

billie read it, mumbling the words slightly, before giggling.

“guys if i tell you this you can’t tell anyone okay?” she smiled, multiple fans agreeing and promising.

“y/n makes me nervous cause i think she's super pretty,” she confessed, giggling like a schoolgirl and throwing her phone. she shrieked into a nearby pillow, not fully recognizing what she had done. she picked up her phone hastily when she heard the bathroom door open. the comments were flooded with excitement and support from her fans, and of course, a lot of teasing as well.

“shhhhh, she’s coming back. remember the promise,” she said, turning back to see you a couple feet from the couch.

“what’re you up to?” you said skeptically.

“nothing,” she said innocently, widening her eyes at the camera to remind them to stay quiet.

“uh huh,” you laughed.

“i went on live to show everyone our matching pyjamas,” she said.

“well show them then,” you said.

she set her phone down against her empty cocktail glass and got up, standing next to you.

the two of you backed up until the camera captured you two fully donning your matching pants and white tank tops. she ran back to her phone and sat on the couch.

“why are you acting funny?” you smiled at her, tilting your head.

“i’m not,” she laughed.

“okay billie,” you laughed back.

you sat down next to her, setting your head down on her shoulder, causing her to blush again.

“my parents 😫😫😫,” someone commented.

“this is too cute,” another one read.

“billie u need to tell her,” one said.

“what’s up with your comments?” you asked billie, looking up at her.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, looking away.

you shook your head and looked back at the screen.

“billie said you made her nervous because she thinks you’re REALLY pretty,” a comment read.

you barely caught it as billie pulled the phone up above your face.

“you guys are snitches byeee” she said, ending the live hastily.

you sat up straight, looking at her in the eyes.

“i caught that, y’know?” you said.

“they weren’t supposed to say anything,” billie mumbled, a shy smile playing on her lips as her eyes locked on the couch cushion below her.

you laughed softly.

“so whats this about?” you asked gently, trying to coax her attention back to you.

“you read the comment,” she said, voice just above a whisper.

“say it,” you said, lifting her chin with your fingers, “tell me.”

she took a moment to meet your eyes, your faces now only inches apart as you leaned forward.

“i think you’re really pretty,” she whispered, “and i think i might like you, in more than a friend way.”

you finally leaned forward, linking your lips in a tender kiss. she leaned towards you and you leaned back until you were barely upright against the armrest. she pulled away for a moment, looking at you with a cheesy smile.

“you’re so stupid, y’know that?”

#billie eilish x reader #billie eilish #billie eilish imagine #billie eilish x y/n #billie eilish fluff #billie eilish x you #wlw

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sampegger · 4 months

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rewatching the first season of supernatural (to remind myself that this show used to be good) and man. sam really did try so hard to get out. he tried so hard to go back to college and leave that family. you'll be watching an episode and it'll be like "who're you texting?" "my friends from stanford, i'm trying to keep in touch with them" and "i'm just taking some time off to deal with jess is all" and every "we need to find the thing that killed mom and jess" is said with such urgency and purpose because it needs to happen now. sam needs it to be done and over with so he can go back to school, coming back to the life was done with purpose and intent to accomplish a single hard set goal as fast as possible so he could move back to stanford and never look back. like, watching the scarecrow episode with meg, seeing sam agree with her notion that at least they're living their own lives and nobody elses, it almost made him ditching her and going back to save dean feel like it came with a sense of... guilt? he's going to listen to john about chasing some random hunt instead of finding azazel because he can't leave dean to follow john's every order all alone. yes, he saves dean, and feels pretty good about his choice to come back in the immediate aftermath, but it feels like a betrayal to himself in the long run, like the edges of that choice were tinged with a wrong feeling deep in your gut. and i feel like that's part of what makes the original kripke era hit so hard, is that, if you stick to the original planned ending, there is no getting out. no matter how hard sam fights to just be normal, things were always going to end with him and dean dying together tied to their inescapable fates. i just. the original kripke run of supernatural was so good and looking at the first five seasons as their own separate entity really. it makes the entire narrative that much more devastating to look at.

#spn #sam winchester #supernatural #early seasons spn #kripke era spn was genuinely so good #i'm rewatching seasons 1-5 and stopping after that because the story it tells is just so #ugh #i hope this is coherent

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putawayurhalo · 1 year

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Brainwashed

Pairing: Modern!Musician!Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (use of she/her pronouns)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Way too fluffy for my usual style but you’re welcome :) ALSO AS ALWAYS I BARELY EDIT THESE THINGS SO TYPOS DEFINITELY HAPPENED SORRY!

Author’s Note: I actually wrote this weeks ago and I’m just now posting this so yeah... enjoy?

Main Masterlist

“So is she here, yet?” Robin asks causing her best friend to jump slightly as he’s drawn out of his concentration of looking around.

“Jesus Christ, Robin you can’t just sneak up on me!” Steve shouts at her as Robin smirks at him, crossing her arms.

“You two have only ever talked over Instagram dms, right?” Steve nods. “You’re so nervous, Dingus, it’s hilarious.” Robin laughs as she looks around the crowd for her own girlfriend, immediately recognizing the short girl with bright red hair standing next to a tall blonde and their curly haired best friend.

“Who’s only talked over Insta dms?” Eddie asks as he finishes tuning his guitar. Steve groans in response before picking up his own guitar and walking away from the duo towards Jonathan, their drummer.

“You know (Y/N), right?” Robin asks Eddie who nods and replies with a “yeah she’s friends with Ivy.”

“Well Dingus here dmed her ‘Hey what’s up? Hello, I’m tryna meet ya.’ AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED!” Robin giggles as she picks up her bass.

Eddie whistles, “Damn Harrington, who knew you had game?” Eddie jokes, earning a laugh from Jonathan.

“It’s shocking that it even worked.” Jonathan jokes.

“Trust me I was shocked it even worked… and then shocked at the words that came out after, I didn’t even recognize myself after that.” Steve mutters as he tunes his guitar.

“What was it you even said? Because every girl I’ve seen you flirt with ends up running away after the first conversation you two have, yet you won’t show me anything past what I read that one time I took your phone from you because you weren’t paying attention to Dustin.” Robin questions her best friend. Steve opens his mouth to respond but is cut off by the lights dimming out front and the small crowd starting to cheer, “Saved by the bell again.” Robin groans before getting to her spot.

“Better not get distracted tonight, Harrington. We’ve all got girls to impress.” Eddie hits his shoulder jokingly as he makes his way to his spot.

“You guys did amazing tonight!” Ivy runs up to Eddie and hugs him, Eddie’s arm wrapping around her waist immediately.

“Yeah, we weren’t the only ones who thought so.” Amelia smirks as she walks over to Jonathan, before turning to look over at where Dani stood talking to another girl.

“Is that her?” Eddie taps Steve’s shoulder, who was distracted with putting his guitar away. Steve slowly turns and his mouth drops open, he had looked for her the entire set but couldn’t quite find her, which seems to be for the better because who knows how many chords he would have screwed up if he took in the sight of her.

“Oh! That’s (Y/N), she really liked your guys' set! Said you guys remind her of her favorite band minus the fact you have a bass player… whatever she meant by that.” Ivy trails off as she looks over at Steve, she smiles at the sight in front of her, “Go talk to her Steve.”

“About what?” Steve turns to look over at Ivy, “Just go over there and say ‘Ivy said you liked our set, said we reminded you of Waterparks’?”

“I never said what her favorite band is called, Steve.” Ivy smirks at him, “Looks like she’s coming over here with Dani anyways, look alive sunshine.”

“Guys, and my darling, this is (Y/N). (Y/N) this is Eddie, Jonathan, my girl Robin, and Steve.” Dani introduces the girl to the band, and she only giggles slightly.

“I already know Steve, he’s actually who told me about the show.” (Y/N) tells Dani before turning to the band, “But it’s still really nice to meet the rest of you. You guys are amazing, almost beat my favorite band for my favorite live show.” She smiles at them all brightly, before looking over at Steve.

“Well, it’s nice meeting you (Y/N) but Ivs and I actually have a date to get to but you’re more than welcome to any of our shows whenever you want.” Eddie smiles at her before patting her shoulder, leaning over to whisper something that Steve couldn’t hear, causing the girl to giggle and reply “No promises.”

“So… Steve, want to go grab a drink at the bar?” She asks him pointing over at the bar with two fingers, Steve quickly nods and grabs her hand leading her over.

“What do you want to drink?” He speaks to her for the first time that night.

“Oh, uh, a vodka cranberry would be nice.” She tells him. Steve flags down the bartender and orders both their drinks before turning to her.

“What did Eddie tell you?” Steve asks her, brushing a hand through his hair.

“He told me not to keep you up too late, said you have work in the morning.” She smiles up at him.

“Well… he’s not wrong but I wouldn’t mind you keeping me up all night.” Steve smirks at her before their drinks are handed to them.

(Y/N) takes a sip of her drink before looking around, “This is awkward isn’t it?” She asks him suddenly.

“A little bit.” Steve chuckles lightly.

“Everything felt, I don’t know, easier? Over text, like I am so nervous right now, I mean look at my hand it’s shaking so much.” (Y/N) held up her hand to show Steve that her hand was indeed shaking.

Steve put his drink down and grabbed her hand and started massaging it, “There’s this trick to getting your hands to stop shaking… learned to do it before I go up on stage so my hands don’t shake as bad when I’m up there… ta da!” Steve finishes and (Y/N) holds her hand up to see that it’s stopped shaking.

“Oh my God, you’re like some kind of God with your hands.” (Y/N) gasps realizing what she had just said, “Oh I don’t mean it like that… I mean I could if you want me to… I mean AGH!” (Y/N) immediately downs the rest of her drink and laughs nervously looking around the venue embarrassed at the words coming out of her mouth.

Steve slowly reaches his hand over to her chin, softly grabbing a hold of it and making her look at him, “(Y/N) relax, I found all of that cute.” He smiles at her as he watches her shoulders relax as she lets out a breath.

“Sorry I don’t know where that came from.” She tells him as she looks at him in the eyes, his hand not having moved from her chin.

The duo stood there for what felt like a few minutes, telling each other jokes and (Y/N) asking about the lyrics in a few of his songs, when in reality it had been about two hours.

“Hey, Dingus!” Steve’s head turned towards Robin, “I’m glad you’re having a good time but could you please help us load the van, the venue closes in ten minutes and they want us out!”

“Yeah! Give me a minute!” Steve shouts at her, “Give me five minutes I’ll be right back.”

“Steve, it’s fine. I should probably get home, don’t want my mom freaking out that I haven’t texted her that I got home safe yet.” (Y/N) pushes off from leaning against the counter and grabs her water bottle, “I had a really good time, Steve, I will definitely be coming to another show.”

“What if you didn’t have to wait for there to be another show?” Steve asks her.

“What do you mean?” She tilts her head in curiosity.

“We’re having band practice at my place on Thursday, the others’ girlfriends are almost always there unless they’re at work… it would be nice to have you there.” He tells her biting the inside of his cheek in anticipation of what she might say.

(Y/N) grabs a napkin and asks the bartender for a pen, she quickly writes down something before handing it to Steve, “Text me the address, I’ll be there.” She smiles at him before she kisses his cheek, “Goodnight, Steve.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” Steve replies quietly as he watches her walk away. Steve found himself wishing he had asked her to stay, maybe even go home with him and stay at least until the daylight, “Fuck, Steve, get it together it’s only been a couple of days.” He mutters as he walks over to Robin and Jonathan to help them load the van.

“Steve, dude, you’ve messed up the last few songs we’ve played. Is everything okay?” Jonathan asks Steve as they finish out a song where Steve completely fumbled on several chords.

Steve turns to answer but his phone dings in his pocket, he pulls it out and groans before tossing on the couch that Ivy and Amelia sat on. “Oh he’s just got his panties in a twist. Isn’t that right, Buckley?” Eddie asks Robin with a knowing smirk.

“Yeah, Dingus here is waiting for a text from his precious (Y/N).” Robin teases him and sticks her tongue out.

“Guys stop teasing the poor boy.” Ivy interjects.

“Yeah babe, I think it’s cute that Stevie here is smitten. He deserves this… so who was that ding from?” Dani says as she walks out into the garage from grabbing drinks for everyone, tossing a water bottle towards Steve.

Steve just shakes his head before opening his water bottle and downing the whole thing. Dani looks over at Amelia and then down at Steve’s phone. Amelia immediately understands what Dani’s saying and picks up his phone, “Ah I see, a tweet notification from the one and only Waterparks. New song in a few days it seems?”

“Seriously, Harrington, you put her favorite band on notifications? You’re such a simp, I wouldn’t even put Ivy’s country himbos on notifications if she held a knife to my throat,” Eddie began to laugh before turning towards Ivy, “Which she would never do because she’s a sweet angel who wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Eddie nervously laughs as Ivy’s expression switches from a glare to a big smile.

“It’s not just the band, Eddie, he even has their lead singer on notifications and got into his ‘secret’ private account since she couldn’t get in, he sends her screenshots of the tweets and links to the exclusive merch all the time. He’s so in love it’s gross.” Robin laughs.

“It’s not my fault they write good songs.” Steve mumbles as he fiddles with the pegs on his guitar. “Besides, I’d do it for any of you chuckle fucks.”

“Sure you would Steve, how about you put Hardy on notifications for me?” Ivy asks him, with a knowing smile.

“Oh absolutely not.” Steve fires back, smiling at Ivy. “Besides, you can always threaten Eddie with that knife.” Steve jokes.

“Oh are we playing scary movie? No please don’t kill me Mr. Ghostface I wanna be in the sequel.” (Y/N) giggles after she says it. Steve laughs a little too hard, before turning back to Robin out of (Y/N)’s view, eyes wide like he’s lost his mind.

“Get it together Steve, it wasn’t that funny.” Steve thinks to himself before turning back to (Y/N).

“Speaking of Ghostfaces, Steve you okay? You look really pale right now.” (Y/N) asks as she walks towards him. Her hands immediately found his face. Steve’s full focus went on her and only her for a few moments getting completely lost in thought.

“Steve… Steve… babe, hello?” (Y/N) lightly taps his face, causing him to blink and shake his hand.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry I’m here. You were saying?” He asks her.

Robin turns to Dani and mouths “Babe?” Dani shrugs and mouths back “I’ll tell you later.” with a wink.

(Y/N) opens her mouth to respond when both hers’ and Steve’s phones ding at the same time, she sighs and pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket, “Oh it’s just Parx retweeting some fans about the snippet of the new song… what about yours?” She asks and Steve shuts his eyes tightly not really wanting to tell her that it’s her favorite band’s tweet notification.

“Oh it’s the same notification, (Y/N/N).” Amelia smiles over at the duo, “Man really loves Waterparks now.”

“You do?” (Y/N) questions him, a bright smile on her face and a look of pure excitement.

“Yeah… it’s a recent thing though, I think their songs are really good.” Steve mumbles out and (Y/N) nods along to what he’s saying.

“Well… I didn’t come here to talk about my second favorite band, I’m here to listen to my new favorite band, the Ahoy Captains.” (Y/N) does a two finger salute and sticks her tongue out jokingly giggling after before stopping and biting her tongue and looking Steve over, “If that’s okay with you…” she trails off, her other hand falling from his face to lightly touching his chest.

“Oh you are going to be the death of me.” Steve whispers to her, it’s like she moved into his brain, it’s no longer his, she dropped her bags in and drew the blinds. “It’s perfectly fine with me, darling.” Steve smirks as he says the nickname.

(Y/N) hums trying to hide the effect the nickname had on her, “Where should I sit?”

“My lap.” Steve thinks, “I think there’s room on the couch but if there’s not, I can always get you a chair.” He replied, nodding his head towards the couch the other girls sat on.

(Y/N) looks over at the couch, “I’m sure there’s enough room on there for us all. If not I can always lay across the back of it like some kind of cat.” she jokes.

Steve chuckles at this joke, “Dingus hurry up with the flirting some of us have work to get to soon!” Robin interrupts them and he nods and (Y/N) finally makes her way to the couch muttering a small “Sorry” as she passes Steve’s band mates before taking her seat.

The rest of band practice went smoothly, Steve had finally stopped fucking up the chords on their songs and Robin and Eddie shared looks with each other wondering where the hell this version of Steve came from.

“No no no Steve, Fuck About It and Self-Sabotage are about two different people, trust me.” (Y/N) laughs as the two of them lay on Steve’s bed, she’s looking up at the ceiling while he looks over at her.

“But the lyrical connection?” Steve begins to question but is quickly cut off.

“Nooooo Steve you don’t get it, in Fuck About It he’s saying that the girl really doesn’t seem to like it when they talk but in Self-Sabotage he’s saying that if she likes when they talk he’ll dislocate his jaw because he doesn’t like it when they talk. It’s right there in the lyrics, babe.” (Y/N) turns to look at him, the two just staring at each other for a few moments, slowly inching towards one another before both their phones go off.

Steve sighs and picks up his phone from beside him, “Oh hey, Brainwashed is out now.”

“Oh shit it’s already midnight?” (Y/N) asks sitting up looking at the alarm clock on Steve’s nightstand. “Shit…” She groans before hiding her face in her hands, “My mom is going to flip. I haven’t texted her, she’s going to think you killed me or something.”

“(Y/N), calm down, darling.” Steve grabs her hands and moves them from her face, “First you’re going to text your mom and tell her your safe, then I’m going to get you a shirt and sweatpants for you to change into, and then we’ll listen to the new song and I’ll tell you goodnight and go sleep on the couch.” Steve tells her before standing up.

“Wait… no you’re not sleeping on the couch, Steve, absolutely not. You’re sleeping on your bed, I’ll take the couch.” (Y/N) beginning to argue.

“Nope, we are not arguing about this. You will sleep on this bed and that’s final darling.” (Y/N) sat quietly as she bit her lip and looked over at Steve as he got her clothes to change into.

“There’s also make-up remover wipes in the bathroom, they’re Robin’s so I don’t know how good they are…” Steve trails off as he walks back over to her.

“Thank you, I’m sure they’ll work.” She mumbles, “But you are sleeping on this bed, rather it’s with me or not, Steve. Understood?” She asks him as she stands up. “I’ll be back in like three minutes, get the song ready! I wanna hear this right away!” She shouts as she enters the hallway, unaware that she’s going to wake up Steve’s roommates/band mates.

Steve smiles to himself and then sighs as he pulls the song up on his computer.. How is he going to ask her to be his girlfriend? He wonders as he pulls up Spotify and hoovers over the song title with the mouse.

“I’m back!” (Y/N) whisper shouts, “I forgot Robin and Eddie live here and Eddie was not happy when I was shouting as I walked past his room.” She walks over to Steve before sitting on his lap, “You’ve got the headphones?”

Steve nods before putting her pair over her ears, the girl having insisted she bring over her pair of cat ears ones to leave there so she can hear the new songs he’s been working on, and then placing his own on and pressing play. Steve tapped his fingers on (Y/N) thighs as the song plays, (Y/N) however was making a complete fool of herself as the song plays, making different faces at certain lines and lip syncing the lyrics to the chorus having already known them from the snippet the lead singer had posted several times. Steve smiles as he watches her but as the song repeated and he listened to the lyrics closer he slowly came to the realization that he heavily relates to the lyrics. It was like Awsten had written about him and (Y/N), rather he meant to or not.

Steve had stopped moving along to the song but (Y/N) hadn’t quite taken notice that he had reached for his phone as she kept listening to the song.

To Band Thingz: Guys we have a new song to learn :)

“(Y/N), oh my, you look so good!” Ivy shouts over the sounds of the opening band. (Y/N) smiles at the blonde girl before twirling around to show off her outfit.

“Oh Harrington is so gonna forget the words to all the songs as soon as he gets on stage.” Becky - Eddie’s sister - laughs and wraps her arm around Chrissy’s waist.

“Guys stop, you’re making her nervous.” Dani tells the duo as she picks up on (Y/N)‘s hands starting to shake and the nervous lip biting she’s doing.

“It’s not too much is it?” She whispers to Dani.

“Girl, definitely not. The skirt is giving Sam Manson from Danny Phantom and between the two of us that was Steve’s favorite show growing up.” Dani winks at her, “Besides if he doesn’t like it I’ll grab Robin’s bass and whack him with it.” (Y/N) laughs, before hearing the crowd cheer one last time as the opening band exits the stage.

“Okay we have about fifteen to twenty minutes before they go on stage. Do you want to go get a drink?” Dani asks her before grabbing her hand and giving her no choice.

The duo get to the bar and it’s less noisy than the crowd, “Sorry for just dragging you, it gets so loud over there and I get overstimulated easily. They usually let us backstage but they told us no today for whatever reason. Vodka cranberry, right? I remember Steve mentioning it when he told me about your unofficial first date.”

“Yeah…” (Y/N) nods her head lost in thought, “Yeah, that’s it. Thank you.”

The girls stood at the bar a little longer after getting their drinks before the lights dimmed, the duo made their way back to the small crowd, finding their way next to Ivy, Amelia, Becky, and Chrissy.

“Hey, do either of you guys know what song they’re covering tonight?” Ivy shouted over the cheering crowd.

“Probably Teenage Dirtbag again, you know Eddie’s obsessed with playing that when you’re at the shows.” Dani shouts back before finishing her drink. (Y/N) nods as she sips her before offering some to Becky who gladly takes it and chugs it.

The group dances and jumps around during the set and being the loudest fans they are were able to capture the band’s attention pretty fast.

“Okay so for our regular attendees to these shows we do, you know this is the part in the set where we cover a song,” Steve takes a sip of his water before closing the cap back up and setting it down, “And we still are but this one needs a special introduction, because for the first time in forever we aren’t playing Teenage Dirtbag.” Steve jokes, Robin laughs away from the mic and Eddie flips him off.

“This song is actually, pretty new, was only released last week but this very special girl loves it and she’s here tonight so… uhhhh… here’s Brainwashed.” Steve nervously chuckles before the band starts playing the cords, and he gets the crowd to start clapping to the beat before he begins to sing the lyrics.

(Y/N) stares at him in shock as he looks over at her with a smirk after he sings ‘Why do I think you’re so cool?’. “What are you doing (Y/N), get up there!” Amelia nudges her and Becky quickly kisses Chrissy’s cheek before grabbing (Y/N)‘s shoulders and leading her through the crowd.

“Sorry, excuse us, the himbo singer needs to see this one.” She mumbles to the crowd as she pushes them out of the way, by the time they get to the front the band was already to the bridge of the song, Steve had stopped playing his guitar and had grabbed the mic off the stand and leans down towards (Y/N), as Jonathan gets the crowd clapping, Robin and Eddie singing background vocals.

Steve turned leaning the microphone towards (Y/N) encouraging her to sing the chorus with him as it was coming up, “I can’t sing Steve you know this.” He points at his ears before reaching his hand out to her, lifting her up on stage with the help of Becky.

“Now I’m having those same thoughts, can’t stop, thinking you got me brainwashed.” Steve tilts the microphone towards her as he continues singing the line “I’m see through, need you, why do I think you’re so cool?”

(Y/N) rolls her eyes before singing the chorus with him, “Everything’s clean except for my thoughts, thinking about me getting you off.” She giggles slightly as Steve wraps his arm around her, “It’s been a week I’m still at your house, I don’t want to leave, it's freaking me out.” They finish off the song before Steve kisses her forehead, taking out one of his in-ears and whispering to her, “meet me after the show?”

(Y/N) nods before turning to go to the side of the stage to get off, Steve watches her before turning back to the microphone stand and putting the mic back in, he’s about to put his in-ear back in when he hears his name called, he turns back towards where (Y/N) stood, “Yeah?”

She walks up to him and pulls him into a kiss, Eddie dog whistles and Robin cheers very loudly into her own mic, causing the couple to giggle as they pull apart, “I think I’m in love with you.” Steve says out loud, the mic picks it up and the duo’s eyes go wide.

And that’s how I ended anywayssss love you guys enjoy this!

#steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #kers writes

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tillthelandslide · 6 months

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Insufferable Arsehole Part 14: Before You Go

Previous Part

Series Masterlist

Chapter warnings: mentions of spiking, forced drug use.

A/n: hello my beautiful people, I hope you're all well. I tried something different in the beginning of this chapter and did it in Matty's pov, I don't know if I like it but I'm sticking with it anyway. This chapter gives a little background into how they were before. I hope you like it :) not long now until this series is over :( if you have any ideas of things you want to see between these characters, like blurbs then please feel free to send them into my inbox :)

She stands across the room from me, the beautiful dress she's wearing, flows gently past her glorious hips and ends at the apex of her thighs, I swear if she spun around too quickly you'd see her underwear. The black fabric dips down against the swell of her breasts, two cups of lace edging the fabric. The little "M" catches the light of the room and sparkles, making my heart beat harshly in my chest. I want nothing more than to run my fingers along either side of the fabric, brushing against her -

"Matty, you're staring" someone's voice breaks me out of my thoughts, the voice of Charli, I feel her hand on my back, the only thing tearing my eyes away from Lou. My hand drops from my mouth, I now realise I had been playing what my lips. Ever since our argument things had been better than ever, I didn't think I could be more in love but here I was staring at the woman I loved wanting nothing more than to walk over to her, fall to my knees and beg her to marry me.

The black haired woman rubs her hand down my back and she laughs, I know why she's laughing and I'm not offended. Her opinion mattered to me and as long as she was happy for me, I truly didn't mind her taking the piss out of me.

"You are so whipped mate" she says and I can't help but chuckle, eyes snapping back over to Lou. George's arm was wrapped around her shoulders as she told a story to Hann and Ross, my three best friends hanging onto her every word, something about her just demanded that of people. "I don't blame you, just look at her"

"yeah…" my voice trails off as I look at her. The woman that commands the attention of everyone in the room with little to (and) often no effort. I'm reminded that despite her being that person, she wanted me, and I feel my chest thump harshly again. I'm easily distracted by her and have to snap myself out of my trance to finish my sentence "look at her"

I turn back to Charli, who I now notice is smiling widely at me, her hand dropping from my back.

"I'm really happy for you Matthew… and for her. I know I haven't said this yet and I'm unsure the boys have either… but it needs to be said" she begins and I feel my stomach soar before it sinks, worried she was going to be the bearer of bad news… and god knows despite the image I attempt to portray, my fragile heart couldn't bare any bad news.

"thank you" she says simply and her words confuse me, which is obvious by the way I tilt my head to the side.

"For loving her… she needed you" both our eyes drift over to her and I can't help but smile widely again.

I know there is a truth to her words, but I know I needed her more. I felt myself slipping, becoming someone I wasn't, she saved me, brought me back to the person Ive always been, or the person I've always wanted to be.

"I needed her more" I say although it's quiet, I know if I looked at Charli again she'd be smiling.

I watch as Lou's eyes snap over to us, her face immediately lighting up and a huge smile coming to rest against her mouth, her mouth that is coated in red lipstick, I hoped it wouldn't come off, because nothing was going to stop me from kissing her.

"Charli!!" I hear her say, she doesn't shout yet everyone seems to fall silent, allowing her to speak. That didn't happen with me, I usually had to shout over people to make them hear me, but people just listened to her.

Her smile makes a smile tug at my mouth, one of equal earnestness to hers. I watch as she absentmindedly plays with the necklace around her neck, a simple act, yet it makes my stomach flutter and my heart throb. I almost feel my eyes soften as I look at her, everything that is her clouding my mind. Especially when I notice the faint M on her chest, the small patch the only bit of her skin not caught by the sun. She hardly took the necklace off and that small detail had me wanting to hold her and never let go.

Her hands let go of the necklace and I watch as it falls, hitting her chest and bouncing slightly, before it swings back and forth, slowly stilling. I hadn't realised Charli had started walking towards her and away from me until Lou was wrapped up in a pair of arms. My vision widens, away from just her and I see her smiling at me, her chin resting against Charli's shoulder.

"come here" she mouths and before I can even register my feet are taking me to her.

"Was wondering how long you'd be standing over there for" I hear Ross say, I see worry etched across his features and I smile, letting him know I'm fine.

"I'm all good mate, don't worry" I say with a gentle pat to his back, I turn, now seeing Charli greeting George with a, not so gentle kiss. But what can I say? Lou and I were no better.

Lou turns my way and I stand for another moment, just watching her, not making any movements towards her. She looked beautiful as always but something about the way she looked tonight was blowing me away.

"Are you just going to stare at me all day Healy?" I hear her say, making my eyes snap to hers. A cheeky and teasing smile strikes my eyes and I chuckle, shaking my head at her, at her teasing.

"I might, yeah" I say, making her chuckle and then she's stepping towards me, arms hooking over my shoulders, meeting each other against my neck, shutting me in, not that I would leave now. My eyes flutter shut with the intrusion of her (a welcomed one), her scent invades my senses and forces me to shut my eyes as I breathe her in, immediately overwhelmed by her. She smells like vanilla and coffee and white flowers and orange blossom and home. She smelt like home, an instant comfort, like stepping through the door after a long day, like curling under the covers or being wrapped up in a blanket.

"Hi" she smiles, her voice sweet and the first time I had heard it all day, instantly feeling happiness flood my body. I had been wrapped up in getting things ready for the show, the first one of this leg of the tour, wanting it to be amazing. Jamie eventually had to tell me to take a break, "go spend time with your girlfriend" he had said, his words making me blush. No matter what, the fact she was my girlfriend wouldn't fail to amaze me.

"Hi… missed you" my hands gently clamp around her waist, pulling her closer, needing her against me.

"Missed you too… had to spend time with boys, how annoying" she jokes and it makes me chuckle. I can sense that she wants to ask me how my day was, but I can also tell why she doesn't, because she knew relaying the details would make me more stressed and I appreciate that. It also made me feel… special, that she knew that about me. That she knew me that well.

"Couldn't think of anything worse, could you?' she's laughing now, leaning forward to place a kiss to my mouth, nearly knocking the air out of me, something that always happens when she kisses me. She's pulling away faster than she leant forward, her lips barely pressed against mine for a second, not that I minded. It was enough, for now.

"How was it? Had a good day?" I ask, wanting to hear about it.

"yeah was good, had a little walk around the venue, not too far… met some lovely fans, all of whom commented on your lack of presence. Messed about for a bit, played some songs with G… was really good" she explains and it makes me grin, truly happy she had a good day.

"Bet everyone will think we've broken up or something" I comment, making her roll her eyes and chuckle.

"Probably, just gotta prove them wrong huh Healy?" She asks and I nod, leaning forward to kiss her again, needing my desire for her to be quenched somewhat. So I press a firmer kiss fo her mouth, taking her bottom lip into mine, not caring if the color stained my own. I tug at it at little, letting it snap back before smoothing it with my tongue, before eventually pulling away. Noting the way her fingers gripped the fabric around my shoulders.

"Would've liked to hear you and G playing some songs, what did you play?" I ask, but I feel myself getting distracted by the look she's giving me. I take in her darkening eyes, and feel her hands drift along the lapels of my jacket, tugging me forward slightly.

"this and that" she comments, I can tell she's just speaking them without thinking, clearly distracted by something, by me.

"We're going for a smoke" I hear George say, Lou's body slightly turning in my hold to look at them, I go to slip my arms from around her waist but her grip tightens on my arm.

"Want to join them?" I ask but she just shakes her head. I hear the sound of a camera in front of us, both our attention being drawn to the sound, seeing Charli holding her phone.

"Sorry you guys are just so cute" she says before George is pulling her with him.

"Come with me" I hear her say, my head immediately snapping back to her. Her voice was floaty and I know what she needs by the way her eyes are drifting along the expanse of my form, not knowing what to settle on, wanting to view all of me at once. I know this because I'm doing the same to her, but my eyes are finally setting on the way her bottom lip is tugged between her teeth.

I feel the desire of her warm my stomach and feel the way my eyes darken as I look at her.

"Need me huh?" I ask, knowing her all too well, she nods simply before she's pulling me somewhere. God knows where she's taking me but we both know I'd follow her to the ends of the earth, blindly and willingly.

She tugs my hand, leading me round several corners, giggling as she does, the soft sounds spilling from her mouth the best I'd ever heard. She halts in a corridor round the back of the venue, our music equipment flush against either side of the walls, leaving a slim gap which she squeezes through, pulling me until I'm flush against her. Her back rests against an amp and my hands quickly clasp around her hips, pulling her slightly away from it so it doesn't dig into her skin. But that's quickly forgotten when she pushes her lips against mine, her tongue finding mine within seconds, making me groan against her.

"god I love you"

They're all backstage, a few of them messing around, some sitting by themselves and doing mundane things. Ross and John are playing ping pong in another room but their laughter can still be heard from where Matty, George and Lou are sitting. Matty smiles at Hann and Carly who are cosied up onto a sofa, reading from a baby name book, throwing out suggestions for the group. His eyes flick from the couple to Lou.

He sits on a large leather sofa, George is sat two seats away from him on the other side, Lou rests against the middle seat, well her bottom does anyway. Her legs are curved and her socked feet are resting in George's lap, her head on a pillow in Matty's. Matty's hand drifts through her hair as she sleeps, the strands are soft and silky under his touch and he smiles down at her as she softly snores, barely audible. One hand is awkwardly hooked behind her, lightly holding onto George's hand, his thumb smooths over her knuckles.

George watches his friend as he stares down at his girlfriend, he feels proud of the man he is today, despite his best efforts to defend Matty's behaviour before, he found himself not liking the person he was around Lou. But now George thinks he's redeemed himself, in fact he's done more than that, he's become a man who is worthy of her love and a man who loves her exactly the way she's deserves.

George doesn't voice his pride, instead he just watches him, looking head over heels for the woman sleeping in his lap. His mind flicks back to one night all those years ago, when George thought Matty might start to redeem himself, when he acted uncharacteristically kind towards Lou, not that she remembers.

"Do you think you'd ever tell her about that night in Manchester?" George asks, his voice quiet, worried about waking her. Matty's eyes don't falter from the girl, he doesn't have it think about what night George is referring to. He knows straight away. It had been years since anyone had mentioned that night. Even now it makes him feel sick. That was the day he swore he'd change, he swore he'd do anything to protect Lou and to show her that too. Of course the day after came and all those promises got pushed aside. But he wishes they didn't.

The club is crowded, packed full of sweaty bodies, most of whom were pressed against each other, dancing and drinking. The room was cloudy, filled with smoke and it smelt like stale cigarettes and she could smell just a hint of weed.

She already feels like she's drunk enough but the girls she's with keep ignoring her pleas to stop buying her drinks, making her feel bad and practically forcing her to drink them. She feels refuge when she hears her name being yelled over the loud music, eyes snapping to her lanky best friend who's walking towards her. She smiles widely, standing and leaving the toxic people behind, she doesn't fail to notice how they practically purr when they see George and his mates, her mates (well some of them were her mates).

She thinks it's pathetic how desperate they were but one look over at the boys she can understand why they were acted the way they were. George wraps a protective arm over her as she meets the group, all (apart form Matty) greet her, Ross wanting to hug her himself, but George makes that a bit hard.

"Look good Lou" Ross says and she smiles, she sees George's jaw clenching and she scoffs at him, telling him to "pack it in". She adorns a black silk dress with a low back, two criss-cross strings holding it together. Her eyes hover towards Matty who is staring at her.

"You alright Healy? Seem a bit... Hmm..." She thinks "Shocked" it's the first time she's spoken to him in weeks and he hates that it makes his heart race. Her efforts to not sound drunk seem to work quite well.

"You wish" he says before he's walking towards the girls she was with, all of whom coo at him as he sits down, arm wrapping round one of the blonde ones. Lou watches as he whispers in her ear and watches the way the tiny blonde giggles like a school girl. It makes her want to be sick.

"Remind me why you're friends with them again?" Ross asks as he looks at the girls, a disgusted look on his face, one that makes Lou chuckle. She was glad someone was on her side.

"I'm not... Rose is but she's abandoned me for some guy... Or girl I don't know" she says, searching the dancefloor to try and find her friend but ultimately failing to do so.

"George come here a second" they hear Matty shout and Lou looks up at him, visibly seeing how conflicted the guy looked.

"You can go" she says knowing he wanted to.

"Sorry Lou, but they're really fit" he says pressing a kiss to her cheek. Lou rolls her eyes before stepping to the side. Ross takes the opportunity to wrap her under his arm now.

"Couldnt be anymore of a guy" she says, making Hann laugh. She looks up at Ross who chuckles too. If she were to look back at the table, she would've seen Matty, staring at the pair with his jaw clenched and hand clamped around the edge of his chair.

"Let's go get you laid" Ross says, pulling her to the dancefloor. Hann, who doesn't want to dance, decides to join George and Matty, not that he really wanted to do that either.

Ross and Lou dance together for a bit before they each find someone else to dance with. Ross finds a petite brunette, she's pretty and she compliments Lou on how she looks and says she recognizes her from some bar she once performed at, explaining how awesome she thought her band was, so gets her approval. Lou finds a guy who is clearly very attractive but is also clearly a douche. He's jawline could cut and his piercing blue eyes could well.. pierce, his brown hair was loose on his head in curls (much similar to Matty's) he was tanned unlike Healy. There were things about him that screamed Matty but others which couldn't be further apart.

Eventually, after some steamy dancing, they find the bar, the guy buying Lou a drink and then they make their way to the rest of the group.

Matty's jaw clenches when he sees the way the guy clamps his hand around her thigh, but what really gets him is the way she visibly squirms and downs her drink, clearly needing a bit more liquid courage to even feel comfortable.

The group talk, well shout over the loud music, and eventually they all get up to dance. His eyes are trained on Lou, so he's the first to notice a shift in her behaviour. The way she becomes clumsy, far too clumsy for someone who had just had one more drink, he knows her, and he knows one more drink wouldn't tip her over the edge, something was wrong.

He finds himself walking over to the pair, the guy practically grinding onto her limp body. Matty grabs him by his collar, making everyone's eyes snap to them.

"What the fuck did you do you douche?" He asks, and although the guy is far from small, he visibly cowers.

"What's going on mate?" George says, clamping a hand over his friends shoulder, who doesn't budge.

"Look at your best friend right now" Matty says, eyes unwavering from the guy and George's eyes snap to Lou. He gently takes her chin in-between his pointer finger and thumb, lifting it up to look at her. Her pupils are blown wide and he can see she has no clue what's going on around her. George really wants to beat the shit out of the guy but he chooses to take Lou in his arms instead.

"You fucking coward... Knew she wouldn't fuck you if you didn't slip her something huh?" Matty says, his grip on the guys collar tightening.

The guy doesn't say anything and that angers him more and in the next blink of an eye, Matty's fist is clenching, before it's swinging to hit the guy square in the jaw. Matty's swipes are relentless, each of the guys staring in shock, having never seen their mate act so ferally. Matty feels his blood boiling and it's as if something, somebody else has taken over his body, unable to stop his movements, until he hears a gentle mumble from Lou.

Despite her state she still manages to get the words out and they make him freeze.

"Matty... Stop" is all she says and his eyes snap to hers, seeing them close after the two words are spoken. He swears it's the first time she's ever called him Matty, usually opting for Healy or Matthew, her words usually laced with venom, but her voice is soft now and he knows he wouldn't hurt the guy again, if that's what she wanted. Matty tears his eyes away from her, his clenched fist, hovering by the guys bruised face.

Ross pounces forward, grabbing his friend and pulling him back before he goes any further. It gives the other guy ampule opportunity to run away, which he does

"Yeah fucking run away you dickhead" Matty shouts, accent very thick.

"Matty" he hears George say, his voice laced with sheer terror and worry. Matty's eyes snap to the girl in George's arms, the girl who's eyes were now closed.

"I don't know what to do" George says and as if a switch is flicked.

"Should we take her to the hospital?" George asks and Matty shakes his head.

"It's Lou, you know she'd hate that come here" Matty takes over. Arms hooking under her knees as he lifts her, carrying her out of the club as if she weighs nothing, the guys following all of them into the back of Matty's van.

"Hann, I need you to get water, lots of it" he says as he lies her down on top of some blankets which are scattered in the back.

Hann disappears then.

"Ross, I need you to take George away for a bit okay?" He says as he sees George panicking. George's eyes snap to his and Matty gives him a reassuring nod, letting him know he had her.

"I've got this okay? You can trust me, I've got her" Matty says and George nods. Every past event completely contradicted this one, yet he knew she'd be safe with Matty.

Ross wants to stay but also knows George can't be there right now, so he quickly fights with himself, Matty nodding at him too, before Ross leads George away and upon Hanns return, Matty closes the door to the van.

It seems like they're waiting for hours outside the van. George and Ross come back at some point, seeing Hann sitting on the floor, practically gnawing at his lip. George paces back and forth whilst Ross stares at the back doors of the van, just waiting until they open. No one knows what miracle Matty performs behind the van doors and despite all of his behaviour before, each of them trusted him with their best friend.

Her eyes slowly flutter open, she's placed in his arms, his hands soothing down her face, her hair clung to her sweaty head.

"Hey Healy" she says, voice still floaty, as if she wasn't truly there with him.

"Hi pretty girl" he says, the first time he's been earnest with her. He knows it's because he can be right now, she wasn't going to remember this.

"I like this face" she admits, grabbing his cheeks and smushing them, making him laugh. Her happy expression disappears a second later and she frowns.

"I dont feel very well Matty" she groans. He frowns down at her, his thumb soothing across her cheek.

"I know darling... I've got you though, you're safe and you'll feel better soon" she smiles up at him, a dopey smile that lasts barely three seconds before she frowns again.

"You hate me... Why are you being nice?" Her words are fumbled and he has to really focus to unscramble them but he does. Her eyes flutter shut and he can tell she's fighting sleep. They open again and her eyes erratically flick around the van, unaware of her surroundings but then her eyes land on his again and he watches as they soften.

Her eyes flick to his hand and her hand shakily finds his, thumb soothing over the knuckles coated in blood, flinching when he flinches.

"Matty...." He wishes she'd say his name again and never stop saying it. He knows in that moment that her saying his name, is his favourite thing in the world.

"Go back to sleep yeah?" He says knowing she just needed to sleep it off now, she nods and her eyes are shutting again.

"Hmm, you smell nice" he smiles at that, heart fluttering.

"Before you go... I don't hate you sweetheart, could never hate you" he knows she doesn't hear his words but they needed to be said.

Matty slowly opens the back door, coming to stand with the other guys. He instantly pulls George into a hug.

"She's alright guys" he says loud enough for all of them to hear.

"I'm going to drive her home okay? I didn't drink anyway. G you wanna come with? Stay with her until tomorrow" Matty says, his questions followed by a demand and of course George nods.

"You two going to be alright getting home? " Matty asks and Hann and Ross nod. Ross pulls Matty into a hug and he thanks him, Hann does the same. George and Matty then get into the van and Matty starts driving home, eyes flicking between the road and the mirror, making sure she was still okay.

"Thanks mate... I was pathetic back there... Thanks for taking over and helping her" George says and Matty nods at him.

"Of course" they sit in silence for a bit before Matty speaks again.

"Hey look... Can you not tell her that I helped her? Just say you did it. Please" Matty says, pleading with his best friend. George looks at him, taking in every feature, every indicator that told him Matty desperately needed this. He couldn't understand why, he knew that if Lou knew Matty was the one that helped, she'd immediately forgive him for everything he had ever said or done... But George still nodded his head.

"Yeah, if that's what you need" George says, feeling sad.

"it is"

She wakes in her own bed, not knowing how she got there. George comes in and explains the events of the night, telling her he was the one that helped her, just as Matty asked.

"Thank you G, you're the best" she hugs him tightly and George frowns. He had just lied to his best friend.

"Don't think it would change anything" Matty says, finally looking at George.

"Think she'd realise just how much she did mean to you back then... Even if you did try to hide it" George says.

"Maybe... I dunno though G... It sounds weird, but... I kind of like, no not like, I..." He pauses to think. He didn't know how to explain what he was thinking.

"I remember it and she doesn't.... And it's not like I like that but... in that moment I got to have her in a way I always wanted... I got to be the one that helped her. And it feels weird to say but I liked it... I guess... Would've preferred it under different circumstances but still" Matty explains.

"But you don't want her to know that?" George asks.

"What if she hates me for it George? What if she resents me?" He asks, fully turning his body to face his friend, Lou slightly stirring in her sleep.

"Hate you for helping her?"

"Hate me for keeping a secret. For making you lie..."

"She's not like that... She wouldn't be like that. She'd be so thankful that you helped her"

"I dunno G"

"Trust me. I know you know her... But she's been my best friend since we were babies.... I KNOW, she wouldn't hate you for that" George says.

A little later on Matty sits her down, she rests against the edge of the bed, Matty stands in front of her and explains the true events of that night and to his surprise, she doesn't hate him for it, in fact, she laughs, which doesn't make much sense to him.

"You know I remember that right?" She says and she laughs when she's sees him visibly nearly have a heart attack "well I thought it was G, guess when he told me it was him, my mind thought it filled in the gaps" she says and his eyes are begging for her to explain.

"I like this face" she says and he remembers it instantly "it makes sense now... I wouldn't have said that to G... I love him but I wouldn't have told him that, he already knows" she says, laughing to herself and he smiles.

"So you remember what happened but didn't remember it was me" he says and she nods.

"And now you know it was me?" He asks.

"Well it makes a lot more sense for one... And it makes me love you even more" she says, pulling him towards her and hugging him tightly.

"I love you" she mumbles against his stomach.

"I love you too pretty girl" he says, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

"You know if you had told me that at the time I would've forgiven you... I would've forgiven you for everything" she says, pulling away to look up at him.

"I thought you hated me too much back then... Thought the fact I was the one that helped you would've... I dunno annoyed you?" He says and she shakes her head at him.

"Youre a silly man healy... But god I love you" she says.

"You know I thought I might lose you that night... Was so terrified of losing you and I didn't even have you the way I wanted... But I knew in that moment I'd do anything not lose you and I thought if I told you, I'd do exactly that" he admits and her face softens, glassy eyes finding his as she grasps his face.

"You'll never lose me Matty, I promise" she says and leans forward to kiss her.

"Promise." He confirms.

"I'm going to marry you one day" she says and it surprises him. He eagerly presses his lips to hers, smiling against her mouth as she giggles.

"I like the sound of that" he says as he maneuvers them up the bed, pinning her to the mattress as their lips bruise against one another.

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @promocodesorry75 @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme @rossgirly @juliardk @you-muppet @moodyyyychickx @k4tie75 @friedlandblog @insidemymind19 @zzzhealy @maybeiwouldlikeyou @at-her-very-foreign @not-alien-girl-v (add yourself using the link in my bio 😊)

#insufferable arsehole matty healy series #matty healy x oc #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fic #matty healy fluff #matty healy imagine #matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #adam hann #george daniel #ross macdonald #matty the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 smut #the 1975 x reader

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save-the-villainous-cat · 8 months

Note

ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS FT. PINING! WITH A HAPPY ENDING! (because the other one wrecked me. how could you)

“You’ll get a cold.” The villain took off their jacket and put it around the hero’s shoulders and as their fingers brushed against the hero’s bare shoulders, both seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“It’s alright, really,” the hero said, laughing awkwardly. And despite their desire to convince both of them that it wasn’t a big deal, they put their arms into the sleeves and pulled the jacket closer. Its smell reminded the hero of their enemy’s bed, of takeout shared in the living room after a rough session and admittedly of the intimacy they yearned for.

“Although I can’t use my telepathy anymore, I’m pretty sure you were freezing. Your whole body was shaking.” It was quite tragic, wasn’t it? To be stripped of your powers. The hero thought about it often and though it hadn’t left physical scars, the hero knew how tormented the villain actually was.

Being destined for greatness hadn’t made the villain untouchable. And neither was the hero. In fact, maybe this privilege, this destiny made them so vulnerable in the first place. Potential and opportunity — what if someone took these things? What would be left?

“You’re very sweet,” the hero said. It was a long walk to the hero’s apartment and since the hero refused to pay for a taxi, the villain made sure to bring them back. Every time.

“If I want to.”

“No, you can’t really control kindness. You’re very sweet. That’s who you are.” The hero looked along the many houses, stretching into the endlessness of the city. God, they never quite knew how to treat the villain when they were alone like this. Sleeping with each other was easy, but this type of exposure was something else.

Somehow, this was an opportunity, too. Most of the time, they talked about nothing in particular but every now and then one of them dropped their guard. Those moments were precious to the hero.

“I’m not gonna mention my body count.” The hero smiled softly. They were close to the hero’s house now.

“I thought your body count is one.”

“Not that body count,” the villain said and when the hero looked at them, they saw a blush on their stoic enemy’s face. God, what a sight. “Christ, you drive me crazy sometimes.”

The villain stopped and looked at the hero for a moment. They wanted to say something, but didn’t.

“What is it?”

“Do you think I’m ruined?” they asked, rather helplessly. Shifting to serious topics was becoming a natural habit. The hero loved it. “Do you think it ruined me when they…you know, took my powers?”

“No,” the hero answered immediately. “No. I…honestly, I believe you lost your way. You lost purpose and a part of yourself. But I don’t think it ruined you. I think you just needed a new purpose.”

The villain stared at them again. They were good at this, staring and saying nothing. Silently, they agreed on continuing their walk.

“I always told myself that if I still had my powers, I’d be a better person. I always told myself that if it hadn’t been for that one thing, I would be perfect. I managed to convince myself that I couldn’t possibly be better than I am, due to the circumstances. But maybe I was just afraid of trying to be good and failing. That’s why I didn’t try at all.”

“Well, that’s the thing. You’re not a bad person. You’re trying to be one but that’s not what you are.” The hero looked at them and, god, the villain’s eyes sucked them in. “You’re wonderful. You just didn’t get that back then.”

They arrived at the hero’s doorstep.

“You really think that?” The hero searched for their keys, so they were surprised when they looked up and found the villain incredibly close to them.

“Uhhh…I think so yeah. Your powers had potential, yes. But it’s not this one thing, this one goddamn thing that decides over what you could be. I think it’s dedication and it’s desire, it’s love and it’s inspiration. It’s something you decide, it’s something you make. I have the potential to save this world but if I am dedicated to saving just this one person…” Their gaze dropped to the villain’s lips. “…then maybe I don’t need to save the world.”

The villain kissed them hard and the hero could barely ask them if they wanted to come up with them.

Of course, the villain said yes.

#I know this room I’ve walked this floor #writing snippet #heroxvillain snippet #heroxvillain prompt #hero #villain #heroes and villains #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request #d-d-d-did you catch how the body counts represent the villain having no purpose and gaining new purpose 👉👈#many bodies killed when they lacked perspective and one person (the hero) laid when they found it again (yes the hero is their new purpose)#goes hand in hand with frustration (killing) and satisfaction (seggs)#d-d-d-did u catch that?? 😩😩

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meganslife · 2 months

Text

Pen pals - p. parker

TASM! Peter Parker x Fem! reader

summary: peter parker is your pen pal.

warnings: none so far!!!

hello helloooo!!! i had this idea because i myself have a pen pal, and it’s honestly really fun and reminds me of peter. this will be multiple parts!! anyhoo, happy reading!

Having a pen pal was fun. It gave you something to look forward to whenever you needed to open the mailbox. It was nice, although your lovely pen pal, Peter, was on the other side of the country. You were in Seattle. He was in Queens, New York. It was a nice arrangement that you two had. No phone numbers, just handwritten letters, and cute little pictures.

When you opened your apartment mailbox and saw that you had a letter from Peter, your heart felt warm. It was the warmest you’ve felt in a while.

Y/N,

My apologies for not writing you back sooner. School is kicking my butt recently, and I moved back in with May (hence why a new address is on the envelope). My old roommate went BALLISTIC on me for little things, so I decided I needed to leave. May is a better person to have around, anyway.

The fall semester ended last week, and I wish I could say that I passed my finals. My professors are just mean, I think. I’ve been super stressed out lately, and writing this letter is helping me. You’re my savior. Also, the pictures you sent me of you in Tennessee are amazing. You should be a model! I’m sure you hear that a lot because of how pretty you are;)

I hope it’s not too cold in Seattle. I took some pictures of random things I thought you’d like, maybe that’ll distract you from how cold it is. I know how much you hate the cold. (You chose the wrong place to live!)

Anyhoo, I’m sorry this letter is short. My wrist is cramping up and May needs help with dinner. Write back as soon as you can.

Much love,

Peter ♥

Photo one: Peter in an obnoxiously large New Year’s Eve hat, grinning from ear to ear with his friend(?)

Photo two: A Polaroid of stray cats bonding in what you assume is Peter’s front yard.

Photo three: A Polaroid of Peter that was clearly taken by May. Peter is holding a tray of muffins, and he looks really stupid in his apron.

You get to writing him a letter right away.

Dear Peter,

I love the pictures. I’ll add them to my growing collection on my wall:)

My day has been so shitty. I wish you were here. It gets lonely, sometimes. I have friends, I’ve told you very little about them. They’re great, don’t get me wrong, but living alone is just lonely. Maybe I should get a cat or something. I need something to come home to. (Sorry for making this portion of the letter sad. I just needed someone to talk to.)

The weather in Queens looks nice. You’re awfully lucky, Peter. It’s cold and slushy here. I’m cold to the bone. Like, nothing will warm me up. It’s annoying. I just want it to be summer again. I hate being pale and cold.

I don’t have any pictures as of right now, so I’m sorry about that. I have some drawings I could give you.

My letter is short too, so I guess we’re even. I need to nap the sadness away.

Cold and loving,

Y/N ♥

The next letter you receive from Peter is about a week later.

My dearest Y/N,

I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling well.

I know we said we wouldn’t exchange phone numbers, and I respect that, but I just need to give you mine. I need to. Just in case. I don’t want you to be sad and lonely and have to wait for my letters to come. I like you. I like you A LOT– And I honestly want to meet you in person but that’s a conversation for another day. I’ve been saving up for it. Maybe you should come during the spring? You’d love it here, I know it. Or I could come to you? Whatever, we can talk about it more over the phone.

My phone number:

(718)-XXX-XXXX

Call me;)

Love always,

Peter ♥

You immediately spring up to your feet and grab your phone. Your hands were shaking as you dialed the number and called it, praying he wouldn’t think it was a spam call.

“Pete?” You ask, voice higher than you meant it to be.

Boyish laughter erupts on the other end of the line, and you already know that it’s Peter. Of course, his laugh would sound so sweet.

“Hi, lovie.”

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writingintheshadowsforever · 1 year

Text

Imagine saying goodbye to Wakanda and leaving with Namor for Talokan

You were in your room packing a small bag of your most cherished possessions. There was probably no need to take your entire room with where you were going. You heard a pair of footsteps approaching your door and a few minutes later someone knocked on it three times.

“Its open” You called out

The door opened revealing and Shuri walked in with a grim look on her face. You dropped the folded up shirt on the bed, and turned around with your arms open without a shirt. Immediately Shuri walked into your embrace wrapping her arms around your neck.

“Please don’t go sister” she pleaded.

“I don’t want to but there’s no other choice” You said.

Shuri pulled back to look you in the eyes. “We can find another way all we need is a little more time.”

“Unfortunately that’s the one thing we don’t have” You whispered with a humorless chuckle. You brought a hand up to wipe away a single tear that escaped from her eyes. “Now don’t do that, this isn’t forever. I’m going to come back home one day.”

“How will that work exactly? Will you spend the three months up here consecutively or will they be spread out?” She asked in a dry tone in her voice.

“I don’t really know yet, but I guess that’s something I’ll have to figure out.”

“This isn’t fair we lost brother and now you’re being forced to leave. This wouldn’t be happening if I had recreated the heart-shaped herb by now.”

“Hey don’t do that this isn’t on anyone but-

“Your future husband,” Shuri said, cutting you off with a glare.

That was the one topic you were hoping wouldn’t be brought into the conservation. You had hoped you’d be able to pretend this was like some messed up mission. Where you were going to Talokan as some liaison or something to build a relationship between them and your nation. But no, here it was the truth: you were going to marry a man you barely knew, and go live in an underwater empire. In order to prevent a war, save a young girl’s life, and convince Wakanda to protect the secret of Talokan’s existence.

“It might take time but maybe I can truly learn to love him. He’s not all bad you know he took you to his home. Shuri you saw what he has to protect” You insisted.

“Yeah and I understand that but can’t he do it without taking you away from us” she replied.

“It was my choice to say yes.”

“It's not like he gave you a lot more options.”

You let out a sigh and pulled her back into the hug burying your face into her shoulder. It didn’t matter what you said there would be no convincing anyone close to you. That this was somehow not basically Namor forcing you into marriage with him. Then again maybe you were trying to convince yourself rather than them to make it easier.

“Come on, you can help pick out all the good stuff from my closet.” You told her breaking free from the hug to head over to the giant walk-in closet

“Oh you know I’m going to give you all the bad options right so I just take the rest for myself once you’re gone” Shuri said with a smirk. You laughed, “I expect nothing less from my little sister.” It was nice to be able to have at least one light-hearted moment with her before leaving.

You and Shuri spent the next hour or so raiding your closet with the occasional argument breaking out over a clothing item. When you would catch her trying to hide something behind her back from your view. In the end she played it's going to be the last thing I have to remember you by card. You reminded yourself you weren’t dying, and made it clear your room better remain untouched for when you return. Eventually the two of you stumbled upon an old photo album on the top shelf, and that’s how Queen Romanda found her two daughters. Both of you were cuddled up against each other on the floor at the foot of your bed with a photo album in both of your laps. As you flip through it, stopping every now and then to reminisce about the funniest and best moments of your childhood.

“Well at least I get to have one more good memory of my daughters together before you leave.” She said alerting both of you to her presence. She took a seat on the bed beside you and reached down to make a mess of your hair.

“You two do know I’m not dying right?” You asked.

“My child you’re lucky I’m letting you carry out this ridiculous mission” Queen Romanda said.

“I guess this means the Council didn’t have a better idea” You said.

She shook her head. “The only thing they could think of was offering up Riri instead.”

You frowned. “That was never an option.”

“I know my child I just wish you would’ve came to me when Namor made his offer”

“Mom you would’ve sent me off to some discreet location with Ayo or something” You told her.

Your mother let out a sigh not denying the accusation.

You felt Shuri squirming against you and turned to see what was wrong. She was digging something out of her pocket. It was a small black box.

“I made you something to take down there with you,” She said, opening the box. On the inside was a simple black ring band obviously made out of vibranium. “I know he’s going to be worried about you having your kimoyo beads on, and any other of our technology. The design is simple enough it shouldn’t attract any attention, and if it helps I made him a matching one.” On her other hand was a similar black box that must hold a bigger ring for Namor.

“There isn’t like a secret feature in there that’s going to let you shock him from up here whenever you want right?” You asked. Instead of just giving you a straight answer Shuri shrugged her shoulders. You took the ring out of the box and slipped it on your finger. It was the perfect fit and she was right about it not standing out. You stuffed the other box in your pocket.

Shuri leaned forward to place a quick kiss to your forehead before getting up to leave. “I’m going to let mother have some alone time with you now. Don’t worry all of us will be escorting you to the beach before dawn.”

You turned too lookout at the sky. It was still dark out but there was a hint of darker blue mixing in with the darkness. In just a couple more hours it would be time for your departure.

“Come up here y/n” Queen Romanda said softly. You obeyed, pulling yourself up onto the bed. She wasted no time wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer. “If you truly don’t want to do this just say the word, and we will find another way.”

“Mom, he nearly killed you. If Wakanda goes to war with Talokan, I might not be able to save you or protect everyone else. At least with this way no one has to die or get hurt.” You told her.

She pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Why didn’t you tell me about your gifts before all of this happened?”

You didn’t answer right away trying to find the reason exactly why you hid your powers from your mother. In the beginning it was purely out of fear the power came out of nowhere and it was so destructive. You didn’t know if the powers were a gift or a curse, so you sought out T’Challa’s aid first. Knowing he would do everything in his power to help you learn how to master the abilities, and if you couldn’t do it. He would help you come up with a way to suppress them so you wouldn’t be a danger to anyone or yourself. After you learned control there really wasn’t anything stopping you from revealing the truth to the rest of your loved ones. So why did you hide them? “I didn’t know what these powers meant or where they came from? I still don’t know till this day I was worried about what the Council would think. They tend to be very superstitious about these types of things. I was afraid it would change things for me” You finally answered after giving it some thought.

“Oh my child I would let this kingdom burn before I let anything happen to you. I can’t-” she paused to correct herself. “I won’t lose another child and I need you to know that if Namor is playing some angle. I will come for you.” You simply nodded and rested your head on her chest. Queen Romanda wrapped her other arm around your body, and that was how the two of them stayed for the rest of the night. When it was just an hour out from dawn you snuck out from the palace to the jets. It didn’t surprise you that both Okoye and Nakia were waiting. Of course you weren’t going to get anything past them.

“So what then no proper goodbye for your family?” Nakia asked with a raised eyebrow.

“We both know if I let them come they're going to try and stop me” You replied.

“And how do you know we’re not going to try and stop you?” Okoye shot back.

“Because both of us understand why I have to do this better than anyone. Y’all know there is no other way out of this without a war” You said adjusting your bag on your shoulder. You hoped you were right and this wasn’t about to turn into a fight to escape Wakanda.

Okoye and Nakia exchanged a look then motioned for you to follow them onto the jet which you did. The trip to the beach was made in silence. When the jet landed there was still ten minutes to spare which you spent with them. “Take care of my mother and Shuri? You said.

“You know I’m going to general or not I will always be loyal to your family” Okoye reassured you.

“Y/N when you do return make sure you find the time to stop by in Haiti” Nakia stated.

“You’re not staying in Wakanda?” It was more of a statement than a question.

She shook her head “make sure you come visit me.”

You nodded.

Okoye made a gesture over your shoulder and you took a quick glance to see Namor hovering over the water, eyes focused on you. It was time.

“Well I guess this is it.” You dug out five envelopes from your bag each of them had a letter encased on the inside. You held them out and Okoye gently took them from your hand. “There wasn’t enough time for me to say everything I wanted to, so I put it on paper. Make sure everyone gets them.”

Okoye gave you a nod and both her and Nakia embraced you before watching you depart to the beach. Namor flew down to the ground to meet you with an unreadable expression.

“You thought I was going to back out” You accused.

He shook his head. “I thought your country would put up more of a fight, especially with them.” He nodded to where Okoye and Nakia were standing.

“Trust me they don’t like this anymore than my mother does, but they trust me and I’m trusting you. Don’t betray that Namor” You told him.

“Of course mi amour let’s go, your new home awaits” Namor replied, holding out his hand. You took it, letting you pull it to his chest. Once his arms were secured around your waist his wings started fluttering and his body rose in the air. In a blink of an eye he disappeared into the ocean.

Tag List: @local-bxbby @nebulastarr @historygeekqueen @lia-losing-it @creamecafe @polireader @inkareds @ellathefriendlyalpacaaa @alinefrank @lullabaesstuff @dngnmstr-blog @pearlsyeaaa

#mcu imagine #marvel imagine #black panther imagine #shuri x reader #queen romanda x reader #namor x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

Note

WIBTA for pulling my younger brother from his bedroom for "sleepovers" in the living room in the middle of the night?

I hate how clickbaity that is, but it really is the most succinct way I can try to paraphrase this. I have submitted here before for similar reasons, so this setup may or may not sound vaguely familiar, but this is pretty self-contained as a separate issue, I think. Quick preface- I am one of four siblings. Ages aren't particularly important for this, save for the fact that the oldest three are within a handful of years of each other, while our youngest is several years our junior. I was 11 when he was born, for reference. We'll call him C, and the two middle brothers A and B.

We somewhat recently (within the past few years) moved to a new house with a few more rooms, which shook up our previous sleeping arrangements. Now, instead of A, B, and C sharing the same room while I had my own for gender-related reasons, A gets his own space while B and C continue sharing a room. This means that my room no longer immediately across the hall from all three. A has a bit of a history of being loud in the middle of the night and getting mad when others ask, request, or tell him to be quiet, so this was a relief.

However, my new room is still just a few feet away from B and C, and now B is doing loud enough things to keep me awake- mainly playing video games and either not using headphones, constantly humming loudly along to the music playing, or saying something about the game. As a "bonus," he insists that C has to watch him play the entire time.

Even though this runs well into the early hours of the morning most nights.

And C still has early-morning school to worry about.

Previously, I'd just resigned myself to shutting up, jamming earplugs in my ears each night, and dealing with whatever weirdness is making one of my ears painfully itchy on a daily basis as a result. However, recently our parents started giving C flak for staying up late. They also made sure we knew they wanted B to stop keeping him up, but I'm not sure B actually knows or cares.

C and I did a bit of kvetching about unrelated topics today, this subject came up, C told me he doesn't enjoy being kept up that late either, and I had the idea that, should midnight come and go without B quieting down, I would interrupt whatever they're doing and "ask" C if he wanted to come sleep in the living room with me. I'm putting "ask" in quotations because I voiced this idea almost immediately, and C agreed this would be helpful just as quickly; me asking would serve solely as a way to have me interject into whatever B's doing and give C a quick way out.

At the same time, B can get touchy if he thinks C is brushing him off or I'm "butting in." I mean, C and I kinda will be doing both those things if we wind up needing to do this, but B seems intent on monopolizing as much of C's time and actions as he can get away with. I don't really think they need to fully stop interacting, but maybe B needs some time to himself instead of constantly wringing attention out of the baby of the family.

Then again, B is an adult. Like, legally. He'll be able to drink in a few months. He doesn't need to act like I'm interrupting his playtime with his favorite action figure whenever I remind him C isn't required to pay attention to him 24/7.

Idk. As far as sleeping arrangements in the living room would go, there's enough furniture to go around. I'm just not entirely sure if butting in would be an asshole move. Justified? Almost certainly, I think. An asshole move? That, I don't know. Whatever the case, I'm hoping these things work out quickly enough that we don't lose much more sleep. We're tired of finally managing to get to sleep at 3 AM.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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unseededtoast · 1 month

Text

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Eight

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. Link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted!

Though he is a man of few words, his actions speak for his character.

Heading west, I keep walking through the night, though it's less than ideal. I take my time, wanting to stay quiet and undetected by both infected and people. The silence of the night allows my mind to mull over what I found today and how everything is supposed to fit together.

My mind can't seem to figure anything out that makes sense. The map is the only thing that makes the most sense to me. The notes, the game tallies, they all seem so odd but there has to be some connection. There has to be some reason these people were tasked with killing a specific age range of children in QZ's across the country. There has to be some reason they're connected to the Fireflies. I'm seeing bits and pieces of the picture, but not the full painting.

But what if this is all a bit bigger than I can take on? Am I walking myself right towards a death sentence? Maybe. Could I be making the wrong decision to go to Nebraska? Possibly.

The other alternatives are either to retreat back to the QZ and be stuck wondering for the rest of my life, or try to track down which QZ the others went to, and I could miss them and have wasted time. But if I guess which QZ they're going to next, I could possibly save more lives. I've never been good at gambling, and yet I find myself playing at the highest stakes.

Each step seems to take ten times the effort as normal as I consider my options, trying to see which is the most logical, which would give me the best odds of finding these people. As soon as I think I've made a decision, I second guess myself. It feels like there's no right decision to be made.

I stop walking in the middle of a street and stare straight up at the dark sky, the stars shining brightly down. If only they could give me the answer. The sound of a clicker in a nearby skyscraper gets me moving again, towards the interstate. It seems I've made up my mind, and only time will tell if this was the right decision.

Readjusting my backpack and yawning, I take in my surroundings so that I'm not ambushed by infected. Sometimes it seems like they come out of nowhere. My thoughts seem to run in circles until it starts to drive me mad. I have to think of something else or I'm going to go insane. And after searching for something, the green sign above the road distracts my mind and reminds me of the stranger I met only yesterday.

I wonder how Joel is doing, how his journey is going so far. He seemed seasoned to life outside a QZ, his time away from Boston likely forced him to adapt. Whatever job it was that he took to get out of Boston must have caused him to not want to return. But no matter the reason, I hope that he has a safe journey, I'm sure whoever is waiting for him is worried sick.

My path leads me to a roadblock where an old FEDRA checkpoint used to be, just before the entrance ramp of the highway. Cars are parked bumper to bumper and there's sandbags stacked on top of each other supporting a thick line of barbed wire. Knowing I can't climb overtop of it, I take a right and decide to go around. Sure, this is going to delay my trip slightly, but it's better than trying to go overtop of barbed wire. I don't really feel like nursing open wounds on my way to Nebraska.

As I go to turn left to get back on track I immediately stop moving. Standing in the street are three runners, all hunched over with quiet sobs. A clicker cries out somewhere close, its screeches ricochet off the buildings and echoes into the open air. My heart hammers in my chest and I take careful steps backwards so that I can keep my eyes on them. Thankfully, they don't see me and I'm able to get back to the front of the barricade.

I take a left instead, and hope for a better outcome. Bracing myself, I turn the corner and am in disbelief with what I see. There are four runners standing in the road. My eyes trail down the street and I see that they're all trapped here. The FEDRA barricade extends down the streets so that the infected in the Boston area can't use this ramp to get onto the highway. On one of the barricade sections I see the telltale sign of a door, there's a giant FEDRA sign hanging above it. That door would be a direct path to the road if it weren't for the infected. It seems that there's no unobstructed way for me to get to the highway. I'm up against seven runners and a clicker, at least. Even during the day I don't know if I could take this on.

Ducking back behind the building I try to formulate some sort of plan. How can I get through this barricade without the infected noticing me? I know the door is to the left, but there's no way I can get past all of those infected and open it. Even if I do sneak to the door, I know it's going to make sound when I open it, and that's like ringing the dinner bell for them.

Sound would be like ringing a dinner bell. An idea comes to my mind and I spot an abundance of bricks laying beside one of the cars. If I can get those bricks to all fall at the same time across the street, it should draw them away long enough for me to get to the door. It's still risky, but I think it's my best shot. But how do I get them to fall at the same time?

I don't see a way that I can pull that plan off without considerable time, and I don't have time to be stopped up here, not with all the infected. I stare at the pile of bricks and another idea crosses my mind. What if I use them to get over the barricade? I could lay the bricks in a way that I could get over the barbed wire. It might not be the most sophisticated plan, but it's going to have to work.

Quietly, I walk over to the pile and begin picking them up slowly. The barricade is at least six feet high, so I'm going to have to bring bricks up to the top of the sandbags and lay them there before I can construct something over the wire. I slide my backpack off my shoulders so that it's easier to get the bricks to the top of the barricade. Clutching three bricks under one arm, I climb the sandbags and drop them on top. Thankfully, the sand masks the sound of the bricks landing.

I take another trip up with three more bricks without incident, and feel more confident in my plan. On my last trip up with bricks, I drop them on the sandbags, but one of them hits the corner and falls down to the road with a loud crash. The infected hear it and I can tell they're rushing to investigate. I drop down to the road to pick up my backpack and see them coming towards me on both sides. Shit.

With the speed of lighting, I put my backpack on and start climbing the sandbags. I hear them getting closer as I reach the top, their carnal breaths loud in the night. I'm about two inches away from pulling myself to the top when I feel one of them grab my foot and it yanks me down.

My fingers slip on the sandbags and I fall a few inches before I'm able to grab ahold of something. Wildly, I kick my feet in an attempt to get them off of me, but there are too many. In a last ditch effort, I grab my gun from my thigh holster and shoot the ones who drag me down. The shots ring out in the night and I know it's only going to attract more.

The few runners I've shot collapse to the ground, which gives the clicker more space to reach for me. Clickers are infinitely more terrifying than runners, and they're about ten times stronger too. Runners take one bullet to kill, clickers can take at least two or three. I aim my gun towards the clicker and pull the trigger, but it just clicks. It's empty. Quickly, I shove the gun back in the holster and use both hands to grab onto the sandbags.

Adrenaline pumps in my veins and I fight harder to pull myself away from the feral infected. My pant leg rips at the bottom from their clawing and I feel my fingers beginning to slip. Clenching my eyes shut, I grit my teeth and pull with all my might to get away.

Just as I'm about to accept my fate, a shot rings out and one of the infected crumples to the ground. Four more shots hit the clicker, and it falls as well, body twitching on top of the others. Without thinking I pull myself on top of the barricade and whip my head from side to side to see who shot them. I grab my curved knife from my belt and hold it in front of me.

My chest heaves with each breath I take as the adrenaline begins wearing off and the panic sets in. Whoever shot them could be coming for me next. What if it's the T group?

From the shadows I see a figure approaching, slinging a gun behind them as they quickly jog towards me. Once they get close enough, I recognize who it is immediately. It's Joel.

He runs to the barricade and holds out a hand. I put my knife away and offer him my help up the sandbags. We both start using the bricks to construct a makeshift bridge across the barbed wire, the screeches of a dozen approaching infected rushing our movements. Joel takes bricks from my shaking hands and practically stands me up on his own and pushes me across the bridge, my other pant leg ripping from the barbs.

My feet hit the ground with a hard thud, quickly followed by Joel. His hands push on the back of my backpack and one word is clear over the coming stampede.

"Run." We take off sprinting down the highway's entrance ramp. He's slightly faster than me but I keep up well. Joel points to an abandoned car that crashed into a guard rail and I nod, showing him I understand the plan.

We yank open the doors and climb in. If the infected make it over the barricade, they shouldn't see us here and eventually will disperse. The two of us are out of breath and we sit in silence, trying to regain our bearings.

After a few minutes of steadying my breath, I take my backpack off and sit it in my lap. I rest my head on it and lean forward, closing my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down.

"Thank you." I say, slightly breathless. Raising my head from my backpack, I look over to Joel, who's glancing in the mirrors to see what's behind us. His eyes flicker to mine and he gives me a stern nod, opting to stay quiet.

If it weren't for him I'd be some infected's dinner. That fact sinks in and I feel an immense amount of gratitude. He didn't have to save me. He could've left me for dead. Most people wouldn't stick their neck out for someone they barely know, but he did. Though he is a man of few words, his actions speak for his character.

My gaze turns to the mirrors as well, the two of us anxiously wait to see if the infected are going to make it over. The runners would have no issue scaling the wall given the proper motivation to do so, but they're less likely to if they can't immediately see something that grabs their attention.

After hours of us hunkering down silently in the car, Joel opens his door and gets out. He slings his bag and rifle on his back, looking behind him one more time. I get out and gear up as well. And just like the first time I met him, the silence is almost overwhelming. The morning sunlight begins rising, and I realize we spent almost the entire night in the car.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I debate whether or not I should say anything. Seeing as how he just saved my life, I decide it's the least I can do. I clear my throat and scratch the back of my neck, looking down at the ground to avoid awkward eye contact.

"I just want to thank you again for saving me back there. You really didn't have to put yourself at risk, but I appreciate it." I find the courage to look up, only to see him staring at me already with a fierce intensity.

"I thought you were headed towards that camp?" He asks, totally disregarding my appreciation.

"I was. I mean, I did. One guy was left but he was infected. I found clues though, about where they might be going." I tell him, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. He nods,

"So where're you headed?" He asks again, and it throws me off. This is the most talkative he's ever been.

"Omaha, Nebraska." I say, recalling the city where the large 'T' was located. Joel's eyebrows raise.

"That's quite a ways from here." He points out and I sigh, knowing I'm severely underprepared for the long road ahead.

"Yeah, I know. But I have to do this. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't." I confess to him. I'm well aware my choices defy logic, but, the alternative of letting the guilt eat me alive is worse.

Joel rests his hand on the top of the car and looks down the highway. He shifts his weight around like he's deep in thought for a few minutes. He's probably trying to think of a way to ditch me. Feeling like I'm intruding on his venture home, I speak up again.

"Listen, I appreciate what you did for me back there, all of it. But I know you're trying to get home so I'll get out of your hair, for real this time." I say and extend a hand out to him again, probably for the last time. Like before, he stares at my hand.

"I'm headed west and go right by Omaha." He says, squinting in the sunlight. I drop my hand once I realize he isn't going to take it, meaning we aren't splitting quite yet. My eyebrows draw tightly together in confusion as I try to understand what he's trying to get at. I think I understand, but I need to hear him clarify.

"Meaning what? We tag along 'til Omaha?" I hear the insecurity in my own voice and I hate it. Joel takes his hand back from the top of the car and nods.

"Safer that way, for the both of us." He confirms my thoughts and starts walking down the highway. I follow him, accepting his offer.

We walk side by side down the road, the only sounds being the birds in the sky and our gear rattling around. My mind is buzzing with questions I want to ask him, but I respect that he's a quiet, reserved man.

Every few minutes I check behind us, feeling paranoid that we're being followed. There's never anything there, but I'd rather check and see nothing than not check and be surprised. Joel is less paranoid I think, he walks with a silent confidence that tells me he's no stranger to the outside world. He understands it far better than I do.

The two of us walk for miles without saying a word until we come to an exit ramp. I recognize it as a suburb outside of Boston, but I've never been there before. Joel veers off the highway to the exit and I follow without question.

Off the ramp, there's a small town to the left and a bunch of housing complexes to the right. Seems like the perfect place for infected to be lurking about. But for some reason, I put my blind faith in the man leading me and trail him into the town.

He looks over his shoulder at me and points at a small brick building. I nod and approach it with him, preparing my knife for use. He stands on the opposite side of the entrance doors with his knife in hand, looking to me for confirmation that I'm ready. Silently, I nod and watch as he swings the door open. I wait for the sound of infected, but am pleasantly surprised with silence.

Joel seems to know where he's going though, he heads straight for the back room. I take my time to look around at the front room, seeing if there's anything of use. Most likely there isn't, but every once in a while I get lucky. The sound of whatever Joel is moving is enough to catch my attention, and I stand in the doorway. He's moving a large piece of plywood that's on the floor. There's a hole in the ground, and he drops down into it.

Curiosity gets the best of me and I go over to peek in the hole, seeing a small stash of supplies. Joel rummages around and picks up ammunition, a few cans, and another knife. He turns around and sees me staring above him, and he hands me items he can't carry himself; some cans of food and ammunition, before he pulls himself back out of the hole.

"You stashed that?" I ask quietly. He huffs as he puts away the extra supplies.

"A while ago." He answers and the two of us quickly shove the items in our bags. My bag feels like it gained fifteen extra pounds, but I can't complain. The extra weight means we have better survival odds.

Wordlessly, Joel moves out of the store and heads towards the suburban side of town, only a few miles walk away. The cookie-cutter houses remind me of the neighborhood I used to live in. A small, idyllic place at one point in time, turned to nothing but a ghost town now. Joel approaches the porch of one and opens the door. Luckily, it's empty and I follow him inside.

He blocks the main entrances to the home without a word, and I move to help him. I shove a strong chair underneath the handle of the back door and try to turn the handle to test its durability. After that, I make my rounds on the curtains and close them all. It seems like we're making this our base for the night. Once we've taken all the safety measures that we possibly can, Joel finds his way to the living room and unloads his stuff on the old, worn-down couch.

I place my backpack on the floor next to the couch and lean against the doorframe that connects the living room and kitchen, watching as Joel straightens his back out on the floor. His arms reach above his head to elongate his spine, and I hear the bones pop and crack. Wincing slightly, I turn my attention elsewhere in the house.

My eyes catch the fading family portrait on the wall and I go to look at it. The black frame houses an old photo. There's a man, woman, two kids, and a dog. They're all smiling, even the dog looks happy. My heart tugs at the sight of the happy family, and I can only assume what happened to them, just like so many other families. Sighing, I look at the other photos on the wall, seeing the slow growth of the children through still images. They look like they were probably high school age. My fingers find their way to the necklace that adorns my neck and I squeeze it tight.

A sound from behind me snaps me out of my thoughts and I turn back to see Joel staring at me. I offer him a polite smile and go to take a seat across from him on the floor, resting my back against the old couch. I fiddle with the torn edges of my pants, and can no longer restrain myself from asking questions. There are too many things I want answers to.

"How did you find me at that barricade?" My voice is soft. Joel clears his throat and shrugs.

"I took the long way 'round so I wouldn't interfere with whatever you were doin'. I was plannin' on taking this highway back home anyways. Guess it was just a coincidence." He plainly answers and I nod, accepting his answer.

"What a lucky coincidence." I smile, trying to break through the tension that always seems to hang over us. It's going to be a long trip west if he keeps things this short. He just shrugs in response,

"So what did you find 'bout those people?" He asks. I'm surprised he even cares, but I reach for my bag to show him what I've found. I spread the documents out in front of me and let him look. I explain to him what I know and what my theories are.

"Whoever they are, they need to be eradicated. Those kids, they were-" The tightness in my throat constricts my ability to talk and I take a shaky breath, remembering what it felt like to cradle the dying girl's head. Joel just nods, not needing further elaboration. He holds up the scraps of paper I found in the fire and reads the simple words.

"I'm not sure what those have to do with anything, and I'm not sure there's any sort of connection." I speak up, truthfully not knowing if they're of any value.

He puts the scraps down and picks up another piece of paper, the one with the Firefly insignia on it. As he reads the paper it's like the blood is drained from his face. My eyebrows knit together,

"What is it?" I ask and his startled eyes look deep into mine with fear that he tries to mask. An uneasy feeling settles in me. He looks back down to the paper and re-reads the note before he says anything.

"These bastards aren't going to live much longer." Is all he says before handing everything back over to me. The look on his face is unsettling, so I don't push anything further.

There has to be something he knows about this.

#joel miller #joel tlou #the last of us joel #joel miller fanfic #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou fanfiction #tlou fanfic

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hannahssimblr · 4 months

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note: you don't need to know how to pronounce Garda Síochána - just know it's what we call our police force in Ireland. Any mention of garda/guards is in reference to the cops. Jude is saying the Síochána bit (the full name) to be funny and emphasise the fact that they are entirely unarmed. If you do want to know how to pronounce it then here is someone saying it right.

We are greeted at the doctor’s waiting room by two familiar faces. Shane and Joe look up when we enter, and the biggest, dopiest smile I’ve ever seen spreads over Joe’s face. “What’s up guys! You got ticks too?”

“Um, yeah.”

He fist bumps me, then Jen, “Hell yeah! Tick friends. Four thicks with ticks. We should get that tattooed.”

“Good idea,” I slump into a creaky seat and immediately start fidgeting with a ballpoint pen on the table. While the others chat to one another I begin to draw random shapes onto the corner of a magazine.

“So we lose four tents,” Shane is saying, “And we all get ticks. Would ye say that’s the biggest failure of all time?”

“We can go back and get the tents though, lad,” Joe says, “Sure I can remember where we were and all.”

“They’re in the dump by now for sure,” Jen says, “So annoying because I actually really liked that tent, and the sleeping bags too. Like, we lost a bloody fortune worth of stuff that we could have used to go to a music festival or something.”

A fat pigeon lands on the windowsill and I quickly sketch it out, not realistically, but a stupid cartoon version who is trying to swallow an entire loaf of white sliced pan in one gulp. I cock my head. It’s actually a bit grotesque. Maybe I should scribble it out.

“Man, I’m just glad that Jude made it out of there alive,” Joe says, “We didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

“What, like, do you think I was going to get shot to death by the Garda Síochána?”

“No, I dunno, like.”

“Thanks for abandoning me, by the way.”

“Oh stop it Jude,” Jen punches my arm, which throws my line off, “He’s in a huff because we saved ourselves instead of coming to find him, but anyone would have done the same.”

“Well you were fairly busy!” Joe protests, “Off with Clóda.” I’m not looking at him, but I can practically hear the exotic wiggle of his eyebrows, “C’mere, man, did you ride her?”

I glance quickly at Shane who is staring at the floor, “Nah, I didn’t.”

“What? You had the chance and you didn’t take it? You’re crazy, Jude. If that’d been me I’d have-”

I zone out as Joe, the chronic virgin, starts describing what he would have done and not done, while dimly aware that Jen is giving out to him for being disrespectful. The pigeon drawing is coming along. Maybe I’ll make this guy into a new character and put him in different scenarios. I draw a newer version of him on the next page with eyes looking in two different directions and I chuckle to myself at how stupid it looks.

“That’s a cool drawing,” Jen murmurs, peering over my shoulder, “you should bring it home and glue it into your sketchbook.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“-Oh yeah, and that reminds me,” Joe goes on, moving fluidly from his thoughts about Clóda to the next topic without so much as a pause for breath. He’s like a tap that never stops dripping. “I’ve been thinking of getting a tattoo, like an actual tattoo, you know I was joking about the Thicks with Ticks thing before, but now that I’m sixteen I’ve been like, maybe I should get one if my ma or da lets me, and like, I was thinking that Jude is really good at art and all, so it’d be cool if I got him to draw something for me that I could get tattooed on me, you know?”

I sit up wielding my biro, “Where, man?”

“Huh?”

“Where’d you want your tattoo? I’ll do a sketch for you now.”

“Oh cool, yeah, like maybe my neck, like here?” He runs a finger from his ear to his shoulder, “Like something cool, a dragon or whatever, breathing fire, and maybe with its tail curling around like that.”

“A dragon, yeah?” I lean across Jen and push his head to the side to stretch out the skin and I start drawing.

He glances at Jen after several minutes, “How’s it look?”

She keeps a straight face, “Yeah, unreal. It’s a dragon alright.”

I finish it off with a few flourishes and then Joe shows it off to Shane, “Well?”

Shane splutters.

“Is it cool?”

“C’mere give me a proper look,” he turns him all the way around and stares intently at the drawing. “Man, that is the most detailed penis I’ve ever seen.”

Jen and I cling to one another cackling.

“Even the spurts of cum, fuck sake, you’re sick,” Shane starts shaking with laughter too while Joe panics and tries to wipe it away with his hand. “Aw, are you serious? Is it just a dick?”

Shane looks again and shrieks “The veins!”

“No, you’re going to have me go into the doctor with a cumming dick on my neck?”

“You don’t like it?” I pretend to be offended and clutch my heart, “That wounds me, really.”

Jen joins in, “Yeah, he worked hard on it, how could you be so cold?”

The doctor comes to the door, “Joseph Roche?”

He stands up and gives us all the most aggressive middle fingers he can muster. “Fuckers,” he says, and follows the doctor out while we all collapse in fits of hysterical laughter.

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy #someone explain to me why teenage boys (and actually adult men too) are obsessed with drawing dicks on everything #i agree it's hilarious #but please ya'll are so weird #tw:sex mention

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petorahs · 2 months

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because i will protect him.

Persona 3 FES/Portable/Movie/Reload: Closing Thoughts.

When I first experienced Persona 3’s story last year, it was at a time that I was beginning to figure out my life. It broke down my walls and seized me by the heart, but it cradled it lovingly as well. It reaffirmed all the personal philosophies I held at the time - in other words, my values.

Going into it I only had a vague idea on what to expect. I’ve only recently played Persona 5 Royal the same February before that, so I knew instead of its themes of ‘rebellion’ it would be themed around ‘death’. Instead of fallen ‘stars’ like in P5, P3 would be based around the ‘moon’ and all its phases. What also convinced me to play P3 so soon after just finishing P5 was its main character- Makoto Yuki. He was voiced by Akira Ishida in the japanese version which I immediately caught on to… I had to see it for myself since I was in an Ishida phase at the time (lmao). I expected to love him as far as liking silent protagonists/player avatars would go.

What I didn’t expect, however, was how deeply I latched onto the characters and main character in particular. I think it’s the way the friendships are a bit complicated and none of SEES really like eachother at first but learn to care and help despite that. It’s the way its messages are written in a clear thesis. I’ve written about them before, but it’s the way the only thing Death ever yearned for is life. That life and death can’t exist without the other. It has life palpable everywhere in the game.

And Makoto Yuki. It’s the way that Makoto Yuki symbolizes the apathy one experiences in life but learns to find so many things worth living for anyway. I wouldn’t say I related to him because I’ve always enjoyed life while he was content to throw it away, so it’s another thing: Pure unbridled affection. To me, he’s someone I would devote myself to. To me, he reminds me of my little brother a lot. Shy, introverted, deadpan. To me, he’s every beautiful thing in this world. He’s like the moon, pretty and distant. Deep and emotional. He’s also like sakura blossoms. Transient. But still, so, so beautiful and precious. He represents a life worth protecting no matter what.

It’s in Aigis. Someone who echoes my sentiments with Makoto so perfectly - I didn’t understand anything about life and thought it was all about being “optimal” and that it can be replicated, replaced, redone. But I know now that it’s so precious; that life is so precious. I never found Aigis latching Makoto to be out of place or particularly fanservicey. To me, it’s like a natural progression of both of their character arcs. She didn’t have anyone in her life before. As someone who struggles making deep relationships out of my own nature/how I was built, I understood it. She delivers one of my most favorite lines in media ever, that “philosophy” I held so dear - "You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.”

And that’s literally it to me. There is no grand meaning behind it all. What matters to me is to hang out with my friends and family and be the kindest I can be to them. I want to be a light in their life, however small - kinda like how Makoto was to Aigis and all his other friends. I, too, would spend my whole life by his side just to follow in those footsteps. It’s pure and beautiful. An actual bond,

But then he dies.

The thing about Persona 3 is that it never once romanticized death to me. Them shooting themselves in the head represents resolve, yes, but it’s always but gratuitous and framed in an unhinged way. Nyx Avatar, the final boss and actual symbol of Death in the game, has the face of a nightmare that made my heart drop when I first saw her. It knows that death is scary to everyone, so it represents that well. But it was clear what exactly it wanted to portray to its players: that despite death being scary, it’s not something to be feared. It can be peaceful, so long as you remember to live your life to the fullest. To quote my own post, “the meaning of life is hanging out with your friends on a mundane, sunny day during a graduation ceremony”.

But that doesn’t stop the grief.

I can’t explain what it’s like to see my favorite character’s corpse rotting in real time. It’s actually horrifying. But the thing is - it wasn’t done without purpose. I accepted it, just like how I accepted everything about “The Answer” or, “Aigis’ Story” in JP.

I quite literally put myself in the shoes of the one character who mirrored my own sentiments so clearly as she fought with the grief of losing the one person she swore to protect as he died in her lap. I was kinda crying the entire time. It’s so fucking real to me. The way that she reverted back to her “robotic state” but it was literally just her numbing herself to the pain. The way that Yukari had to escape by acting indifferent. The way that Junpei tries to act upbeat for everyone’s sake. Mitsuru’s quiet grief. Akihiko's respect. Ken and Koromaru's silent strength. But most of all, Aigis… and the way she’s so lost and confused.

I lost so many family members in the recent years prior to playing P3. It’s never easy. Playing The Answer especially (and all of P3) put it all into perspective. I don’t know how, but all of these elements and plot beats in the game represented my feelings so perfectly.

Seeing its remake announced in June was actually serendipitous. I basically got to relive it quite recently. A year’s worth of nostalgia is still nostalgia. I loved a lot of the changes, and hated some others.

But every time I experience Persona 3’s ending, I end up crying though. Unfailingly. And I’ve experienced it many times by now. Every time I think I’ve “gotten over it” I literally do not. Prior to P3 the only media that started making me cry was The Good Place’s ending.

I think Reload’s was the worst. What they did with player proxy death in this one felt way more insanely real I think. Or Maybe it’s the sea. How Ryoji says in FeMC’s route and in Reload to Makoto how “the water is going on a journey, too. It must be having fun”, “The waters all converge to its source, like us.” Maybe it’s how the sea and moon are so intimately connected. Just like how life and death are. Maybe it’s the way that even nihilism represented by Strega isn’t actually wrong as framed by Reload, it’s just not the message this time around in this game. Or maybe it’s hearing the voices of everyone (social links) who loved him and was touched positively by him also echoing my thoughts. Maybe it’s the way that the ending felt way more personal when you choose to not romance any of SEES, especially Aigis. That platonic love goes beyond any of that and makes every act of devotion and speech about bonds feel actually real (despite how cheesy it seems!).

All I can think about after playing it every time is that I will love the people in my life so, so hard from now on. So much that they wonder why. For a game about death, it sure does make me live my life more fully.

It’s just… real. This game and all its themes was perfectly concocted. The moon, the sea, spring, rebirth, and the sakura blossoms. And you. It’s all so precious and beautiful. I want to remember and protect it, always. I want to live for it all.

#memories of him.#persona 3 reload #aishi.exe #aishi.docx #persona 3 #makoto yuki

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