what a time - k. kozume
A/N: why am i just doing angst?? bc i can 😈 did i listen to this song on repeat for an hour?? ...yes
Synopsis: Sad memories are bad, but good memories worse.
Warnings: Cheating, Mentions of s*x but no graphic descriptions, Crying
I feel a little nauseous and my hands are shaking, I guess that means you're close by
“I don’t think I can do this...” you mumble to yourself. You glance at the apartment door, then back at Kuroo. He places a loving hand on your shoulder.
“Hey, you got this. Remember, I’ll be right here the entire time.”
You nodded and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath before reaching one shaking hand towards the handle.
My throat is getting dry and my heart is racing, I haven't been by your side, In a minute, but I think about it sometimes
You don’t make any attempt to turn the handle.
“I feel like I haven’t seen him in so long, Kuroo. I don’t want to think about it but... I miss him so much,” tears prick at your vision, threatening to fall. You squeeze your eyes shut hard. If he was even there, Kenma didn’t need the satisfaction of seeing you cry.
“We don’t have to do this today, y/n,” Kuroo says sympathetically.
“No, I- I want to. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it.”
With that resolve in your mind, you inhale and push open the door.
Even though I know it's not so distant, Oh, no, I still wanna reminisce it
The door swings open with a loud thud, but other than that silence fills the apartment. You take a step inside and glance around.
Almost nothing has changed. Your pictures are still hung up all over the walls, your plants are still on the tables. You walk over to the nearest photo and carefully pull it off the wall. It was a blurry picture of you in the dark, staring up at the stars.
You smiled at the memory. Kenma had dragged you up to the roof of your building that night, just so you could see the night sky.
In the photo, you could just barely make out Kenma’s arm wrapped around you. He had always taken pictures at the weirdest angles, but he had said this one was his favorite.
I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark, And we stayed up for hours, What a time, what a time, what a time
“Whatcha looking at?” Kuroo asks, curiously peeking over your shoulder.
“He promised me that night- promised me that he would stay with me forever. He said he wanted to marry me.”
Again, tears welled in your eyes. Furiously, you rubbed them away.
“Y/n,” Kuroo hesitates, then wraps his arms around you, “Let’s get your stuff, yeah?”
He pulls away and nods towards the hallway that had once led to you and Kenma’s bedroom.
“Yeah,” you swallowed thickly, “let’s just get my stuff.”
You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever, What a time, what a time, what a time
Stepping into the bedroom was the hardest part and it took Kuroo at least five minutes of convincing to you get in there.
Seeing the bed, all made up and empty made you break down. You fell into Kuroo’s side, crying quietly.
Memories of the last night you had seen Kenma flashed through your head.
You remembered coming home from work, tired and just wanting to cuddle your boyfriend. You remembered hearing it before seeing it. Hearing the sounds of skin slapping and moans. You remembered throwing open the door, still not wanting to believe it, only to see your boyfriend and the love of your life in your bed with someone else.
Everything else up until now seemed like a blur. Running out, calling Kuroo, the weeks you spent at his house, it all faded to a dull mush in your head.
“I wanna leave, Kuroo,” you whisper. He nods, hand rubbing up and down your arm both supporting and soothing you.
“Let’s just get some clothes, okay? I’ll come back later and get the rest of your stuff.”
You nod at him, and he guides you to the closet, allowing you to throw some clothes in the bag he brought.
“Ready to go?” Kuroo asks, zipping the bag up. You look around the room once more, eyes landing on the picture sitting on the bedside table. Two pinkies interlocked, your’s and Kenma’s. You remembered taking that picture on your anniversary.
“This means we’ll always be together, alright?” he said.
What a lie, what a lie, what lie
Taglist: @sunbeamx @suckerforsugawara
COPYRIGHT OF @/suniken 2022
DO NOT COPY, REPOST, OR TRANSLATE
Hello! I love your writings! They're really cool! If you don't mind, I would like to request glamrock Freddy x animatronic reader. She's like a really bubbly nice ambivert animatronic who's always trying to make the place fun for everyone! And Freddy is just admiring her with loving eyes. She noticed someone crying, then she's so gentle and loving to them and Freddy might just shut down. The crew notice that Freddy was having a crush on their friend, but their friend didn't notice/know. But loves Freddy too!
Sorry that's pretty long-. But if you do this thank you! Remember to take breaks and take care of yourself ❤️<3
Thank you so much, dude! Ngl, I’m not the best of taking care of myself. I’m on and off with it. But thank you so much! This animatronic reminds me a lot of Sayori from DDLC and we love that here- Really enjoyed writing this one!
Freddy with a fem!ambivert animatronic who’s very bubbly and nice S/O
Right off the bat, you reminded him of Chica. Not in a bad way, of course! Chica was one of his best friends, and to be frank, the Pizzaplex needed a lot more positivity around there.
Foxy and Bonnie were the glue take kept the entire gang together, and with them out of the way, it wasn’t the same. And in fact, everything just started to get more worse from there.
First it was Foxy, then Bonnie was gone. Chica had started to stress eat, Monty developed bad anger issues, Roxy’s self esteem and act were a sky high, and Freddy kept to himself a lot.
It doesn’t really help that Bonnie and Freddy used to date. However, you were there for him. You helped comforted him, and encouraged him to talk more about his feelings. While Freddy does act like everyone’s dad, he went into himself when both of them, well died.
You were based after a chicken, like Chica was. So, right off the bat, you two were best friends. But you and Freddy got closer and closer, to the point of where you two just started dating. Freddy loved the fact they were so positive, and saw the good in everyone. He also loved that you stayed the calm during most situations.
During the day, he would help Freddy make some songs, and even sing along. You were the drummer of the band, and you played some pretty sick rifts. Freddy loved how passionate and lively you were about music. It was so cute.
And one day, you were going on and on about how excited and pumped up were for the next show, and goodness, Freddy’s heart almost exploded. It was cuteness overall. Everyone made fun of Freddy for it.
Freddy was an introvert, while you were ambivert. You loved socializing, but sometimes you just needed some downtime to yourself. Which was fine.
Freddy and you spent a lot of your days just talking and walking around the Pizzaplex. You guys played arcade games together, you guys even had a date in Fazer Blaster. You won. Not to mention, even got a date to your section.
It was called Y/N’s Rockin’ Dance Party. Similar to DJMM’s place, but more interactive with the kids, and Freddy’s programming glitch for that went into overdrive for it. You thought it was funny.
His heart beamed, and had a warm smile at you comforting Roxy with her self esteem issues. You told her it was gonna be okay, and that she was so beautiful, confident, and an overall good friend.
You were now the new glue keep everyone together.
did you get enough love, my little dove
why do you cry
and I’m sorry I left
but it was for the best
though it never felt right
my little Versailles
Hiii lovely ❤️ just saw that ur Taking requests for Matt M and I have two prompts u can choose from, I hope they spark inspiration 😘 tysm
1. Breed crows and they will gouge your eyes out.
2. I'll be damned if I let you die.
of course!! i hope u enjoy <3 this rly took an enemies to love kinda road i can't lie to u
matt murdock + "i'll be damned if i let you die"
tw; mentions of injury + canon-typical violence
You and Daredevil had been enemies at one point.
Back before you knew him as Matthew Murdock and way back when your relationship was just meeting on a roof-top every night, he'd hated your guts. The feeling was mutual. You had shared interests - the greater good, justice, yada, yada, yada - but he got in your way and you, in his.
But you were clumsy, you see. Tripping and falling was one thing but when guns and knives became involved? What was once a quirky trait was now...mortally threatening. That concerned Matt deeply; it wasn't personal, it was just that he was a man of religion and leaving you to bleed out on a roof top wasn't very Catholic of him.
Dragging you back to his apartment to bandage you up wasn't his idea of fun. Your sarcastic quips and jabs at his life choices didn't stop, even when he was shakily stitching up your wounds.
It was during those times that you became to know him as Matt. He wasn't just a vigilante - he was a lawyer, and he went to Church as much as he could. You learnt that his favourite artist was Bowling for Soup, but he told everyone it was The Beatles. The only song that could make him cry was Vienna by Billy Joel, and his favourite show to have on in the background was Friends. Ross was his favourite, apparently (god forbid).
You'd seen him outside of the mask as well. Your only observation of that particular event was that he was hot.
It was in a cold Tuesday night that you injured yourself worse than you had before. You'd run into a bullet, as you'd so eloquently put it. Matt preferred the term 'got shot' but...tomato, tomato.
"God, that hurts so fucking much," you murmured. "Shit. Sorry. I'm not meant to use the Lord's name in blasphemy-"
"- you nearly died," Matt cut you off, safety-pinning up your bandages. "You could cry to every god there is and I wouldn't be offended."
You smiled. "Thanks, Daredevil."
"I hate when you call me that," he muttered.
Matt stood up, gently lifting up your legs from the sofa so that he could take a seat. He put them back down over his own thighs, a large hand resting on your calf.
You'd definitely got touchier over the last few months. You didn't always notice. It was natural, now that you were friends - if you could call it that. You never saw Matt outside of him stitching you up.
"It's less syllables than...what did they used to call you? Satan of Washington Heights? Evil Knievel of the Upper East Side-"
"- Devil of Hell's Kitchen," Matt cut you off with a laugh. "You're a real pain in the ass."
"Maybe you should let me bleed out. You'd get some peace of quiet then."
Matt reached out a hand, intertwining your fingers and softly pulling you to sit up. His other one rested on the small of your back, guiding you so that you didn't strain your injuries too much. He didn't say anything - just softly smiled.
"I'll be damned if I let you die."
He pulled you further towards him and into his lap. You followed his cues, pressing your lips to his and tangling a hand in his hair. His lips were soft, which you hadn't expected - his hands were calloused, voice gravelly and skin scarred. It was a welcome feeling; he was a good kisser. Gentle, but still enough to knock the air from you. A little like him.
So much for being enemies.
Okay guys have this rough concept to whatever the Bee Duo super villain au is.
Aka: Tubbo and Ranboo rob a bank, Tommy wants them to buy Shroud some clothes while they're out.
Tubbo paced across the floor, steps echoing off the gleaming tiles as he surveyed the group in front of him. They were cowering against counters, trying to disguise the tremble in their bones as Tubbo’s smile only widened.
He shifted his head towards his partner, a wicked sparkle in his eye. Ranboo returned it, a grin splitting across his face. A small gasp echoed throughout the bank at the sight, but Tubbo payed them no mind. Fear was a very useful motivator, after all.
“As I am sure you are all aware,” he started, adjusting the straps of his mask, “This is a robbery.”
The threat of conversation pulled at the lips of the hostages. They shook with the desperate look to cry out or plead for mercy, but one sharp look from Ranboo silenced them. Tubbo shook his head in amusement, they always were so terrified of Ranboo.
They saw him as the monster. Horns shot up from his head, and each laugh or grin revealed a jaw that split far too wide across his face. And with midnight skin on one half, and a stark white on the other, he always shone out even amongst a world of terrifying villains: a monster amongst even the most monstrous of men.
However, it was strikingly ironic, for out of the two of them, Ranboo was the one who always tried to restrain from violence.
“If you all do exactly as we say, I promise that you will all make it out of here unharmed,” Tubbo twisted the weapon in his finger tips: a laser weapon of his own design that would pulverize anything it got close to, “Well, alive, at least.”
The crowd froze, terror washing over them in a perfect chorus.
“Now, my friend Amalgamation over here is going to keep watch over you lot while I go check the vaults,” Tubbo took a few steps away from the group, before he turned back with a sharp grin, “And I wouldn’t make any sudden movements around him. He startles easily.”
The crowd turned towards Ranboo with frightful eyes, and Tubbo simply laughed.
“Oh!” He cried out, “And I almost forgot—“
His speech was split by the sharp echo of a phone ringtone, piercing the uncomfortable silence of the bank. The sound continued, droning on uncomfortably as Tubbo, Ranboo, and all of the hostages awkwardly waited for it to finish.
Once the melody finally stopped, Tubbo took a deep breath.
“As I was saying—“
The melody interrupted the speech once again, and everyone froze. Tubbo let out a small annoyed breath, as Ranboo laughed lightly.
One of the civilians, a rather brave one apparently, shuffled uncomfortably.
“Uh…Mr Buzzkill, sir?” Tubbo turned towards the hostage with sharp eyes, “Is that—is your ringtone that ‘You spin me right round’ song?”
Tubbo took a few steps towards him, looming over him threateningly, “Yes. Yes it is.” Without another word he backed away. He turned towards Ranboo, sighing slightly.
“I have to take this.”
Tubbo threw his phone up to his ear as he stalked into the other room of the bank, leaving Amalgamation alone with the hostages.
Ranboo surveyed them, a small smile threatening to spill onto his face, “Just so you guys are aware, that man he’s talking to is one of the worst people I’ve ever met. He’s worse than Buzzkill, worse than me, that man…he’s on a level of his own. Buzzkill is currently talking to the most terrifying, malicious, unhinged—”
“Tommy I’m in the middle of a bank robbery! I can’t fucking buy your pet spider clothes right now!”
Tommy lounged on the couch, phone precariously balanced on his arm as he stroked the back of Shroud.
“A top hat,” Tommy corrected, “I want to buy Shroud a top hat.”
“What the fuck—you know what? I don’t care.”
“Aw come on, Tubs!” Tommy cried, “I’m sure you could swing it somehow! You’re right by downtown, aren’t you? Oh! Maybe one of the hostages knows a good place! Could you ask one?”
“Tommy, I am not going to ask a hostage if they know a good arachnid tailor.“
Tommy threw Shroud a baffled expression, as if he couldn’t understand why Tubbo was so opposed to the idea, “Okay then just put me on the phone with one of them!”
“What??” Tubbo cried, pressing his hand against the phone, “I’m sorry, I think you’re cutting out???”
“I am not fucking cutting out you bitch now put me on the phone with a hostage so I can ask them where the best place to buy Shroud clothes is!!!”
“I—cutting—phone—pshhhhhhhh” Tubbo hung up before Tommy could echo another word of protest. He cringed slightly at the phone. It’d be fine. Yeah. It’d be fine.
He intimidatingly strolled back into the room to find Amalgamation awkwardly perched on a table.
“So…how about that New Jersey, huh?” Ranboo murmured, twisting his hands. The hostages all looked at him confusedly, most likely fearing that it was a trap of some sorts. Tubbo, however, knew otherwise.
He simply knew Ranboo was hopeless with conversation.
“Alright then!” Tubbo announced, “Let’s get on with it, shall we?”
He turned towards Amalgamation, eyes narrowing with a short nod. Amalgamation returned it and stood up from his position.
Without another word, Tubbo strolled into the vaults, planting his safe cracker on the vault lock. He’d designed it himself, it could break through any safe, any key pad, any lock. Anything that these idiots could come up with to protect their money, his technology could match easily.
The vault opened with a small click, and Tubbo grinned as he slid open the vault doors. His eyes widened as the perfectly lined safe-boxes stared back at him, each no doubt filled with any sort of riches and treasures.
He was going to take all of it.
He methodically cut into every safe, placing the contents neatly into a simple black duffel bag. In all honesty he didn’t know how much it was all worth, but every time a box yielded diamonds or golden watches, something giddy bubbled up inside of him.
Once the bank was stripped he headed back out to find Ranboo watching the hostages silently, an impassive look on his face. The bag was heavy on his back, digging into his shoulder, and he let out a small sigh of relief as he handed it off to Ranboo. Amalgamation carried it lithely, as if the weight barely even bothered him.
Then again, it probably didn’t.
“Well, it’s been fun!” Tubbo declared, giving them a mock salute, “But I’m afraid we have to make our leave.”
The hostage, the same brave one from before, stuck out his chin, “The SBI will be here any minute. I dialed 911 while you weren’t looking. They’re going to catch you both.”
Tubbo turned towards Ranboo with an amused smile, before returning his gaze to the hostage, he reached into his utility belt, bringing out a small remote device, “It’s and electromagnetic disrupter. It hacked into the banks security cameras and played the footage on loop, not to mention disrupted any communication to the outside. So no. I don’t think they will catch us.”
With one last smile, Tubbo turned away, and Ranboo moved to follow him to the van they had parked out in the alley way. Tubbo felt something small twist in his gut, and he stopped himself, turning back to the group of hostages.
“One last thing,” he started, shaking his head in disbelief of himself, “Do any of you lot know where I can buy clothes for a spider?”
Before I Leave You (Part 1)
(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)
Summary: Yoongi Disappears- leaving behind a shattered pack. 8 months later, Jimin finds Yoongi in an H-mart of all places.
Pairing: Beta! Yoongi, Omega! Reader, Omega! Jungkook, Omega! Seokjin, Alpha! Namjoon, Alpha! Hoseok, Alpha! Taehyung, Alpha! Jimin,
Tags: Angst, hurt/comfort, low-self esteem, themes of abandonment, betrayal, anger, anxiety, panic-attacks, brief implied suicidal thoughts (Tae) but it's heavily implied, not the slowest of burns but it’s as slow as im willing to make it.
A/n: It’s a little early but I hope you like it! alot of angst but the ending is worth it I promise! you guys finally meet the m/c! the next few chapters will show how yoongi and the m/c met and all that shit. PLEASE READ THE PROLOGUE BEFORE YOU READ THIS PART.
Previous part --- Masterlist
Part 1: Sweet Regret
He was only supposed to be gone for a few days.
When he’d left to visit his familial pack (the pack he’d been born into), It was a sudden trip, one-day- Yoongi had given himself one extra day at home, the last day he’d get to love them before he’d left. It was all his anxiety would allow.
To his packmates, it had felt a little like Yoongi was just distracted, often they’d turn to ask him and found him anxiously looking down on his phone. And then in the morning he’d had to get on the next train, No one had thought anything of it- of course they were okay with him going. Of course Yoongi had to go for his family.
He’d left a heavily scented shirt for Jungkook to hold onto to make sure his seizures didn’t get too bad while he was gone. But the omega had his whole closet too.
The best lies are one part lie and two parts truth. Yes, Yoongi's grandfather was dying and telling them that didn't feel like a lie. But on the other hand saying "I'll be back in 2 weeks, maybe 3 at the most" tasted like acid on his tongue.
It’s not a lie when Yoongi looks at Jin and pouts, because even if he wants to cry as he drinks in his omega getting ready for work thinking it could be the last time he sees it, tears aren’t expected of him and It would give it all away.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Jin kisses the frown off of his lips.
Maybe looking back on it, Seokjin would recognize the heaviness in his gaze as something that wasn’t caused by a simple three week absence. They’re kinda used to having their nest absent of at least one of the packmates (Jimin has a buisness trips sometimes, whenever his clients necessitate it). And Sure it’s going to suck but they’ll be alright.
(They won't be, and Yoongi knows this and leaves anyway, because he doesn't have a choice.)
“I’ll call you if it's any longer okay?” he’d kissed Seokjin so quickly. Seokjin would have pulled him in for longer if he’d known this was the last he’d see of the beta for so long. (Seokjin would have also probably tied the beta to the bed if he knew he was about to leave, but that's neither here nor there, it's not a true kink if it’s born out of desperation).
Yoongi walks out their front door, trying not to cry. He Calls Namjoon to let him know. Namjoon can barely hear the betas voice over the noise in the emergency room. A three-car crash just come in. Blood on the linoleum and the bottom of Namjoon’s shoes. “Yoongi? I’m sorry baby but I can’t hear you?” If Namjoon had known it was the last time he’d hear Yoongi’s voice. he’d have gone to another room, would have begged and bartered. Would have run out of the hospital to drag Yoongi back.
he hears static, and then disconnects the call, sending him a quick text back where he tells him he’ll call on his break, if he even gets one today. Weeks later Namjoon will sob as he realizes he never got to say a proper goodbye.
But they hadn’t known. None of them had. In later months they’ll hold onto that and hate it. “If it was the last time we were supposed to see him- we would have felt something minnie” Hoseok will say, always the most superstitious one in their little family.
Yoongi had always been so cagey about his family that the others never knew too much beyond the fact that all but his brother were dead and that he hadn’t been home since he was 18. They didn’t even know their names or have a number to call when a week passes without any calls from their beta, only a text here and there, Yoongi stops responding to the messages after the 5th day.
And then the day Yoongi said he would return passes without the beta showing up at their door and they all know that something has to be wrong- irrevocably wrong. Yoongi used to say even if he was dying in a ditch somewhere he’d still claw his way towards them.
They leave dozens of calls and voicemails, pleading long form texts. Some that they regret and some that ring with truth. “Please, can you just tell us if you’re okay?” “I hate you for this, I swear to god Min Yoongi if you do not call us soon im going to drag you back here by your ear”
That was the only explanation for it. That he was hurt- or hurting somewhere. The only other possibility is that he left them- and that just isn’t possible. They’d always counted on one truth; that Yoongi loved them, And now not even that seems true.
Every call to Yoongi’s phone going to voicemail until the box is full and then it just beeps dolefully until the number gets disconnected on the third week. Hoseok doesn’t want to hear “this number has been disconnected” anymore. He just wants to hear the voice of his beta. Misses it. He tries to be strong for the others but Jungkook still catches him sniffing over his phone late at night.
After the first month, they have to address the possibility that Yoongi isn’t going to come back.
Maybe he was trying to let them down gently. Maybe Yoongi had found a new pack and moved on to them- had figured this one was complete enough without him.
One of Hoseok’s Coe workers at the record store- the one that filled Yoongi’s position catches Hoseok crying in the bathroom during his break. and when Hoseok makes the mistake of confiding in the other alpha, he dares to say, “What did you expect to happen? That he’d stay with you forever? He’s a beta Hoseok.”
Like that justifies it at all, like gender holds a candle to love. A Love like they had but don’t now that Yoongi’s broke it. Hoseok doesn’t know what he’d do if he saw the beta again, if he’d fall into his arms and beg him to take him back or if he’d bite his head off.
Namjoon makes him quit the job at the record store when Hoseok tells him what the coworker said. Hoseok wants to hold onto the one place that was just his and Yoongi’s but it’s not really healthy. Hoseok looks for Yoongi in the stacks of records, always about to turn- about to comment on the weird album art or on one vinyl over the other, only to find the store empty accept for him, Yoongi’s name hovering on the tip of his tongue.
So Namjoon encourages him to leave- Because Hoseok is having a rough time in general. They all are. Some time off will be helpful for Hoseok, and Jungkook too honestly.
Jungkook cries all the time, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the seizures coming back with a vengeance. He ends up having to take a few weeks off of work, just until he gets a better handle on his diet and sleep schedule again. But it’s hard when he can’t sleep- keeps reaching out for a scent that’s slowly fading from their bed.
Jungkook's seizures feel more like withdrawal symptoms, a barely susceptible tremor in his hands. Namjoon has seen his fair share of addicts at the hospital. And he can't help but recognize the same in Jungkook, only Namjoon can't fix this with love or medication.
Even when Jungkook's doctor tells the younger about a new medication that could help him. "Kookie” Namjoon had pleaded, looking at Jungkook like he’s more of a pup than an adult that can make medical decisions for himself. He’s pack alpha, Jungkook has to remind himself (though he’s never had to remind himself of that fact before Yoongi left) he’s just doing what he thinks is best for me. Even if it pisses him off when Namjoon treats him like a child.
“I've seen these medications in action before, a lot of the time their symptoms are worse than the seizures," the alpha had gripped Jungkook's sleeves. hands hitting the sensitive scent glands at his wrists to try and comfort him. "Please kookie, we can find a better way to handle this, you've got us" Jungkook doesn't say anything, but Namjoon can read his expression. They might be able to support Jungkook, but at the end of the day, they're not Yoongi.
He just wants Yoongi back. To say ‘Koo’ when he walks in the door from work and sees Jungkook sitting at the coffee table. The words are so cutesy and make jungkook feel like melted chocolate (not unlike yoongi’s scent- the one he saves just for Jungkook that makes him feel like he’s melting too).
It starts to feel hollow when the others call him ‘Koo’ instead of ‘Kookie’. He yells at Tae about it. Koo was just for them- Just for Yoongi to call him. It doesn’t sound the same when they say it.
Koo- soft and sweet, the same way he’d said Minnie at the end of a long day too. The Jimin of years ago would have scoffed and growled at being referred to as anything but his name. So used to having to posture to prove he was alpha enough for his mates. But now Jimin craves it- the way the elder would bring him down to his lowest and most hidden instincts. The part of Jimin that was just a puppy- that wanted pets and kisses and everything in between- to be a good alpha for his beta.
Those hidden moments when Yoongi’s dominant streak seemed a mile wide and Jimin was nothing but a pliable force under his hands. “There you go baby- I knew you could be good for me.” Jimin wakes up more than once with those words ringing in his ears. Memories of Yoongi’s voice play like a song that he can’t get out of his head.
Jimin struggles not to close up for the others, they still need him. But it’s hard to be the same way when they’re all this sad, when his inner alpha is yelling at him that he’s failing to keep them happy. Jimin can’t fulfill his most basic instincts as an alpha and provide for his pack. Certainly couldn’t provide for Yoongi.
Namjoon helps. Twines his finger with Jimin’s under the table and doesn’t ask him what's wrong except to pull him in for a scent mark. Jimin lets himself get hazy, tries to believe it when Namjoon says, "There we go Minnie, let alpha make it all better" when he finally lets out a choked purr. Reluctantly brought into a scent happy haze.
There is something intoxicating about the pack alpha; how much larger he is than jimin and the way he drags Jimin in and reminds him how to be soft after he’s spent the week bickering and getting angry over the small things. Jimin might spend his 9-5 protecting people, but it's nice to let someone else do the same for a change.
The others relax. His isn't the only unhappy scent at the table but Jimin's gunsmoke angry unhappy scent has always been one of the more pungent. Making Jimin relax helps all of them do the same.
Through dinner Namjoon’s phone sits on the table waiting for a phone call that never comes.
Their predicament isn’t exactly uncommon- most betas have a few packs that they stay with periodically. Maybe he finally got too frustrated with putting down roots. Wanted to branch out. They couldn’t fault him for that- even if they are angry he left without a word.
As much as Jungkook tries to think through it, it just doesn't make any sense. Yoongi wouldn't do this to them. He would never leave them hanging unless he had to. But that anger becomes bargaining as the weeks become months.
Taehyung puts his longing for Yoongi into words.
It’s been years since he wrote so much, since college when he finally got tired of the pessimist attitudes of his professors (according to them his works were always a little too grammatically incorrect and fanciful, a cross-section between poetry and prose). His creativity was too intimate and vulnerable to survive an appraising eye for long. He decided to protect that soft side of him that had something to say and save it only for Jimin.
The pieces of his sensitive heart hidden in longhand love letters that they’d sent back and forth before Jimin had finally signed with a protection agency and moved to the city with him.
Now he writes those longhand love letters for Yoongi- shoves them in-betweens pages of books so that he doesn’t have to think about them. compartmentalizing his hurt into sentences and paragraphs. No one loves me quite like you did he writes, red ink that might as well be his blood for how much it hurts to pen the words that Yoongi might never read.
And yet, that pain is still a papercut compared to how much Taehyung hurts without Yoongi by his side.
These letters aren’t like the ones he wrote for Jimin all those years ago. No- those are saved and shared between the two of them when Jimin snaps at him and they fight (this happens more after the stress of Yoongi leaving and a very bad rut season- a perfect storm for their worst fight in years). They only open the shoebox that holds the love letters when he and Jimin need a reminder that the foundation of their love isn’t something that can be damaged by petty words.
But Jimin had never abandoned him the way that Yoongi has; not when he wanted to go to an expensive school in the city away from their hometown. Leaving Jimin to work at the same martial arts studio as always. Not when they were so poor that they could only see each other when jimin saved up enough money to take the train into the city. Once a month if they were lucky.
In one of the first love letters Taehyung ever wrote, it goes; ‘I wish I could meet you at the train station my love. I crave the easy look you give me the first time you see me in months, where I am the earth and you the moon. And it feels dizzying like I am the person who you love most, your tornado and your torrent. under your eyes, I feel like a force of nature. Kissing you tastes like colors I don’t have words for.’
Losing Yoongi feels sort of like that- disorienting, and Tae is unable to find a pattern in life without him. Sometimes he goes weeks without writing letters, other times he writes Yoongi three times in the same day. The papers and backs of receipts and napkins Stained with as many tears as they are stained with ink.
One night Namjoon finds Tae asleep at their dining room table, back hunched over some of them with a pen still in his hand. Tae wakes with a start when the pack alpha skims a hand down his back. Waking him up softly to drag him back to the nest. And Tae knows just from the soft look in Namjoon’s eyes that he’s read some of the words. Maybe the ink has bled onto Taehyung’s cheek where it was pressed to the letter.
Words like the tattoos on his soul, each of their names written over and over again. There is no more room left on Taehyung’s soul, no more room for another name and no room left for another person to make a home out of his heart- the same way Taehyung had found a home in Yoongi’s.
(That’s a little bit of a lie- Taehyung just hasn’t met you yet).
Tae’s worried about what namjoon might have read, he doesn’t know if he could handle Namjoon trying to talk to him about his feelings right now. He hopes that Namjoon didn’t read “You were the knife to my cadaver. I understand that you had to leave, but what I don’t understand is why you had to take so much of me with you. if you weren’t planning on treasuring me, the least you could have done is leave me whole. Tossed me back into the ocean like a piece of sea glass that needs more polishing.”
Or even worse, the lines that aren’t as pretty but just as true, “if I ever see you again, I think I’ll start crying on sight because I don’t think we’ll ever really meet again. Maybe we were just soulmates that met a lifetime too soon. Maybe in the next life, I will hold onto you better. Maybe at the pearly gates, you will be my only sweet regret. If you’re already dead, I’ll wish I was too. I wish I could hate you as much as I love you.”
Because no matter the words- Tae knows he’s better off having known Yoongi. however fleeting their love story was.
But that doesn’t mean he’s not fucking angry.
His hand crumples up one edge of a newspaper before namjoon has the chance to see it. The words that Namjoon absolutely cannot see. The ones he doesn't let any of them see. I think it's a good thing that I never showed you that side of me, knowing how indelicate you where with leaving. At least you loved me once, This version of me. I guess I shouldn’t be so angry..
Afterall, I lied to you first.
Namjoon doesn't notice Tae throw out the tiny slip of paper and Tae knows from experience that it will go unnoticed and unturned over in the wastepaper basket.
They look back and try to remember the last few months Yoongi was in their lives and think through what might have gone wrong but none of them can put their finger on it. Why did Yoongi leave and where did he go? Sometimes they’d settle for just knowing that he was alive and safe. Seokjin can't shake the feeling that something must have happened to Yoongi, something bad, for him to leave.
Four months pass without a word. Sometimes Seokjin wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, the taste of blood and rainwater on his tongue.
They all feel like they did before Yoongi collected them and made a home out of their house. Made people out of the fragile souls that they are. And they don’t move, they can’t move because what if Yoongi tries to find them again? What kind of packmates would they be if they went to a place where he couldn’t follow?
Maybe they should have expected this Seokjin thinks, maybe it was all they could do to keep Yoongi for as long as they could- hold onto a star until it burned out and he wasn’t theirs anymore.
“Do you think he’ll ever come back?” Jungkook asks Seokjin late at night- curled up in the nest room. Their alphas are all piled in the living room for a movie night. But both omega’s agreed they would rather just get some quality one-on-one cuddle time. The youngest omega has always been so so sweet and that sweetness seems twofold underneath the light of the moon spilling through the window, the lights off because it just seems warmer that way.
In the darkness- Seokjin can pretend that Yoongi’s there. The memory of yoongi haunts all of them in different ways, right now he’s a ghost in their room.
if Yoongi were here would he be asleep between the two of them? Would Jungkook pull the betas legs between his knees just to get a little closer. Hands playing on the half almost abs softness that Yoongi's always had on his tummy, the perfect medium between plush and hard. Would he toy with the softness while Seokjin tucked his face into Yoongi's neck? Would they each take one of his hands in the darkness?
Yoongi's hands where always a sensitive part of him. And now- Seokjin grasps at the bedspread and pretends, just for a second. This far into the city there aren’t a lot of stars to see this far into the city outside the window- But the moon is always there.
“I’m not sure” Seokjin kisses the distressed curve of Jungkook’s jaw, smoothing away the listlessness as best he can with his hands. He and Jungkook made the nest earlier to curl up in just the two of them. And yet- it doesn’t ease the pain in Seokjin’s heart. Doesn’t comfort them as much as it should.
Items of Yoongi are put sparingly in the nest, They don’t smell like him anymore. they’ve given up preserving Yoongi’s scent for Jungkook’s seizures. Unlike those first few weeks when it still felt like he was all around and Seokjin only had to close his eyes and pretend that his life partner- the man he’d been with for almost 5 years- was still there.
No one aches over Yoongi’s loss more than Seokjin, and no one misses him more. The others do their best to comfort their oldest omega, to be home at certain times so that he doesn’t get too nervous. But it only takes a small break in their schedule to get Seokjin pacing back and forth in front of the door. Nearly brought to tears at the thought that they might not be coming home.
His anxious spirals take him to dark places. There is no limit to tragedies that could befall them, hit by a car, or a victim of a train derailment. Many a day when they get stuck in traffic have the others stumbled through the door and into Jin’s arms.
The eldest omega bursts into tears the second he sees them, “You were late- I thought you were- I thought I was-“ I thought i was alone again, “I know my love I’m so sorry- it was just an accident on the road, traffic- you know I’m safe- you know I never speed.”
Seokjin couldn’t handle losing another one of them. It would destroy him and he knows it. He knows what this is, a common symptom in omegas after they lose a pup or a packmate. He learned about 'nest anxiety' when he was in university, but knowing what it isn doesn't help him cure it in himself. Making a nest doesn't give him the same satisfying rush it used to. And won’t again until all his packmates are inside of it- and impossibility now.
Regardless, Seokjin holds Jungkook but even then he wishes he had his beta there to hold him and guide him, to show him the best way to do this. Maybe it was a terrible breach of the pack contracts to want a keep to beta for your own especially when it wasn’t in their nature to be sedentary. But Seokjin would always want Yoongi as his and only his. Seokjin feels sourness in his heart at the fact that he wasn’t able to hold onto Yoongi.
Whatever way you cut it- they weren’t enough. The 6 of them didn’t give Yoongi enough love- that he had to go find it somewhere else.
Missing Yoongi has carved a hole out of his heart- a space where nothing can fit besides fond memories, placed there delicately. Like to remember them too frequently would dilute them, make the love they had feel less real. The more Seokjin wants him back- the more he feels like it never happened at all.
like their love story was only a good dream.
They all feel like they did before- before Yoongi was there and made a home out of their house, and a person out of the souls wants, and desires that lived inside of their bones. They feel like graves, shaky and unsettled. The fallow ground where once there was fruitful love.
Hoseok and Yoongi planted flowers in the window boxes on the balcony last spring- and when they come up again Hoseok can’t even look at them without crying. It gets a little bit better when he starts to notice them around the city, spring is starting to come. And every hint of yellow in the grey winter landscape feels like a soft reminder of healing.
Hoseok gets a job at a flower shop, and it feels good to have a reason to go outside of the apartment again. To make bouquets that make people smile. roses and peonies, daisies and daffodils, like Yoongi and Hoseok. It didn’t matter that distance separates them. Hoseok will always be the sunflower pointing in the direction of his sun.
Hoseok lets himself smile and Heal with the coming flowers of spring. He knows to appreciate a good thing even though it’s gone. He’ll always have memories of Yoongi; how he was the kind of lover to make your intrests his own. Yoongi was always the kind of person who’d do something with you just to make sure you didn’t have to enjoy it alone, the perfect company.
Hoseok rides the train to work, always with one headphone in, the other headphone is meant for Yoongi. The same way they did when they worked at the record shop together.
(He’d never know because he switched jobs, but on the rainy days when fog sinks into the city like a fresh sheet, there is a figure outside the windows of that record store looking in. The record store owner is just closing up the day Yoongi finally decides to confront him. locking the door when he lifts his head against the rain. “He quit.” is all he says, all he needs to say before the figure slinks away without a word.)
Yoongi finds the flower shop, and Hoseok. the stolen moment when he lets himself look through the foggy windows at the unmistakable red head bobbing to unheard music. One headphone in like always, it makes Yoongi smile. He leaves before hoseok can spot him looking in. A spare 10 feet away, but Hoseok would never know.
Yoongi is their ghost- and he haunts them in more ways than one.
When Hoseok looks up from his phone, he finds a palm print pressed into the fog of the window. But when he goes outside to look- the streets are completely empty. He doesn't tell the others. Can’t- he won’t get their hopes up when it was probably just some creep looking in. Hoseok needs to stop seeing Yoongi everywhere he goes, really. He feels like he’s gonna go crazy if he doesn't stop daydreaming about the beta.
They never move apartments- they can’t. What if Yoongi tries to find them again and he shows up at their door? What kind of mates would they be if they went to a place where he couldn’t follow? Months pass. And Namjoon wakes up on the 6-month anniversary of the last time he saw Yoongi and just feels off. he goes to work and sifts through the day, the rotation of patients in different rooms but always namjoon.
On his way home, he passes the parking lot that he and Seokjin and yoongi did donounts in the first night they met. it’s being ripped up to make room for more retail space. namjoon remembers the way it had smelled, chocolate and cream mixed with the smell of burning rubber and french fries.
Namjoon’s hands tighten on the wheel and all he knows is that he’s crying too hard to drive home. He calls his pack so someone can come and pick him up because he can’t drive right now and though they hold him so gently. Wiping away his tears. Namjoon is a wreck- absolutely destroyed. He cries so hard he burst a blood vessel in his nose, staining the front of hoseok's shirt with blood in the back of his car while Jimin drives.
At every red light, he meets hoseok's eyes in the mirror. silently reassuring him that everything will be okay even if they both know that's a lie. things haven’t been alright since yoongi’s left.
He needs a full week off work to get back to where he was before; a different one of his mates uses their sick days on a different day of the week so that Namjoon’s not alone.
They’re all healing at different speeds, and for Namjoon- it just took a second for it to hit. To know that they’d be okay even when he broke. Even loving the others doesn’t feel as sweet. No hand is complete without Yoongi there to hold the other one.
Namjoon craves the ease at which the beta used to find his hands at the worst and at the best of times. How Yoongi’s hand always seems to find his in the happy moment. He remembers it sliding down his palm, tracing the lines there when they used to watch Jimin and Hoseok dance in their crowded living room- everyone keeping their feet tucked into their seat to give them both more room. Yoongi pressed tight against his side.
Namjoon remembers holding Yoongi’s hand when they would walk through the neon streets at night, a bottle of soju that they would switch back and forth, from lips to hands, to another set of lips. Indirect kisses.
The others never let Namjoon feel neglected when he pulls away. It takes him a while. But eventually, things start to feel a little bit normal. Not quite the way that they used to be. But not straight terrible either. Spring is coming again. The daffodils are just starting to come up. And Namjoon gets up in the morning, knowing that even if Yoongi never comes back, he’ll be okay.
And then after nearly a fucking year- Jimin sees him- at a fucking h-mart grocery store at 4 pm on a Tuesday.
For weeks he'll think through what would have happened if he'd come into the store just a few minutes later, he could easily have missed Yoongi. Would have if he hadn’t been weak to the requests of his packmates who’d sent Jimin out for the usual stables as well as papaya and melona ice pops because it was starting to get nice out. Jungkook looking up at him and whispering “Please hyung?”
Jimin stares at the crowd of people and picks him out in a second, for a second Jimin just stares- blinking, not believing it as he recognizes the way the beta moves. Watching his ex-pack mate move slowly around the store, almost like he’s trying his best not to hurry. Jimin's mind has been trained to pick up the little details like that, Yoongi's foot taps an anxious rhythm as he waits for an old lady to move her cart.
He picks up some 3 for 2 green onions then moves onto the fruit aisle. Someone asks Jimin to move his cart and he just leaves it, tailing the beta. keeping pace with him on the other side of the aisle, trying to make sure that yes, that really is Yoongi. Alive, in the flesh and in a moment of unexpected domesticity.
There are bags under his eyes that weren’t there before- probably from stress. His hair a little overgrown too, black and falling into his eyes tickling his shoulders and the back of his neck, His burgundy long grown out. But it's him.
He’s buying more food than could possibly be for one person, Yoongi’s never been a big eater and the amount of food in his cart is more than could be for just him.
He reaches the end of the isle and Jimin doesn't think, just crosses the store and grips Yoongi by the lapels of his shirt, pushing him up against a stand of tangerines hard. pinning him there. A few of them fall, rolling across the washed-out linoleum floor like little suns.
He needs to know that Yoongi was real- that their love wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. Jimin needs to know- needs to see in his eyes that recognition, to feel Yoongi under his palms. Jimin sees his expression shift from open-mouth shock to understanding. His chest aches with the strength of- what are those? sobs or growls? Jimin's hands dig into his shoulders hard. Like he's trying to imprint the feeling of Yoongi on his fingertips.
The anger of an alpha is a fearsome thing and several people shoot Jimin looks at the aggressive angry pheromones sparking out, gun smoke- as aggressive and angry as any alpha scent can be. Several people shoot him worried looks like he might try to punch the beta. Wondering if his anger is because of a rut or because of something else.
Between the apples and the fucking bitter Melon- Yoongi and Jimin stare into each other’s eyes for the first time in months. Jimin’s anger extinguishes just as quickly as it came when Yoongi’s palms close around his narrow wrists.
Jimin opens his mouth, grasping at words, he doesn’t know what he wants to say first. And what comes out isn’t a demand or an accusation of why he’d left them. Why had he left Jimin to pick up the wreckage of their family? why hadn’t he stayed and fulfilled his promises?
There are no accusations or demands for explanations. Instead- what comes out is a sob and Jimin is scrambling to pull Yoongi close and get all of his Scent on him. The coolness of the ocean quieting him, salty tears that smell like the ocean brought to life by Yoongi’s presence. And Yoongi, like always, holds him up. A hand coming up to lace in his hair and hold him close. Jimin presses his nose to Yoongi’s scent gland, a noise that is half snarl and half sob wrenched from between his lips.
“I’m sorry” is the first word that comes out of Yoongi’s mouth- pressed against the place where Jimin wants kisses. A spot Yoongi’s kissed countless times before. The grannies and mothers with pups give the two reuniting men a withering look and then move onto their shopping. Whatever scene they're making not as important as the food in their carts.
Jimin can’t speak through the tears, can’t do anything but let Yoongi soothe him with his endless stream of those same two words- I’m sorry- over and over again. like a mantra that will suddenly make things better.
Jimin won’t leave his side. And Yoongi wouldn’t want him to. Jimin pretends not to see the moment when Yoongi reaches out to grab his hand or when the beta turns away to wipe at his eyes in the check out lane.
Jimin doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to ask, where did you go and why did you leave? His instincts flare, telling him not to let his beta out of his sight again. Clogging his throat and making it impossible to demand the answers he's owed. If Yoongi leaves his sight for even a moment jimin will go feral.
But Yoongi doesn't make Jimin leave, no, Yoongi accepts his help to carry his groceries home. Yoongi leads him to a wealthy neighborhood (all places where you can buy a house even remotely close to the city are wealthy)
Jimin thinks he should be more surprised by the house but it’s so Yoongi, the beta had always been a fan of fixer-uppers (both people and places). The outside paneling is chipping in some places, it’s garishly painted a dark teal with lime green and yellow trim thats coming apart from their sills and eves. But still, it’s an impressively large house even if it looks like it’s on it’s way to being condemned. With A second story that Jimin can see looking windowed and bright, a balcony that looks over the street below. Half of the wrot iron railing missing.
Yoongi’s a little too close to his neighbors- the quiet sound of movement from next door as they linger on the porch while yoongi digs through his pocket for his keys says as much. But Yoongi says the walls are thick and you can’t hear much from the inside. Jimin isn’t really thinking about that- more wondering after just how much money Yoongi had needed to buy a house so big, Even lots of land without houses go for 500 thousand dollars here.
And Where Yoongi had gotten that kind of money only confused him further.
There are pizza boxes and takeout containers stacked up just outside the heavy wood door- the old-fashioned door knobs that jiggle with metallic clinks. Yoongi says that the house is old- nearly 150 years and in need of some serious restoration.
Jimin’s first impression of the inside is that it’s a little empty. At first, it seems kind of like a cave with high ceilings and not enough windows but Yoongi jumps into his plans for the house instantly when he sense that Jimin is less than impressed by the interior. Yoongi is the first to admit that the house needs a fuck ton of work.
It has nice bones he says, most of the windows are too rotted out anyway so it only makes sense to make them larger. There will be more natural light once Yoongi’s decided why style he wants. Jimin has always been a fan of natural light, and Yoongi knows this.
They still don't address the elephant in the room, its easier for jimin to ask questions about the house.
Jimin definitely doesn’t say that that would only lead to privacy issues. Here in suburbia where the houses are on top of each other- but the thought sours when it hits him. It’s not his house- he won’t be living here with Yoongi- so why does it matter what Jimin thinks of the space?
But that only begs the question of who will be living here. It’s too large for just Yoongi. There are too many questions between the two of them. And though at first Jimin had been silent except for his sniffles now he feels like the questions are going to burst out of him.
But it sort of feels like Yoongi’s waiting for Jimin's approval. He makes a non-committal noise as he tries to kick off his shoes. but they’re closed with a zipper and Jimin doesn't even move to set the groceries aside before yoongi’s stooping to his knees to unzip Jimin’s heavy combat boots. Yoongi looks up from below Jimin, and for a moment Jimin thinks that maybe this is the moment that Yoongi will beg for forgiveness.
But then Jimin see’s the shoes by the door, a second pair. The oversized chunky shoes are something that jungkook would wear. But they’re not in Yoongi’s size, They’re- someone else's.
trying not to let himself cry Jimin extinguishes the moment by juggling the paper bags in his arms, “where should I put these?” Yoongi straightens, hiding his blush in his too long hair. “Over here, the kitchen’s a mess but we’ve got a makeshift set up.”
Yoongi doesn’t call out to anyone when he leads Jimin through the house. Whoever they are- whoever Yoongi loves in this house they’re probably not here, why else would no one come to the door? Why else would Yoongi not call out to them?
The kitchen is the first thing being redone- the walls and the floor already gutted and ripped up. Part of one wall taken out to make the space more open, connecting the kitchen and living room spaces. Most of it is carefully sealed by a layer of thick plastic.
“To keep out the dust,” Yoongi explains when he sees Jimin looking. “We’re not really sure if this has asbestos yet- thought I had someone come in and test it, we won’t know for a few more days.” a large wooden table holds a induction cooker and a microwave, the fridge tucked into a wall. a makeshift kitchen in a place that should be the living room. Jimin sets the bags there, a little hard.
Jimin’s noticed the constant ‘we’ in Yoongi’s sentences. How could he not? The owner of those shoes that has already taken more from Jimin then seems possible for a stranger. He can’t help but feel some hatred towards the person who stole their Yoongi away from them. “You’ve got to be careful with your- person” he tries not to let the words come out aggressively but fails by a mile.
Jimin feels vindictive, he wants to talk about how Jungkook’s seizures got worse, about how for the first few months, they were ghosts but then they were fine. They don’t need Yoongi to love each other no matter what Jimin’s treacherous heart says.
Yoongi doesn’t look surprised at the anger. And Jimin doesn’t say anything more than that- he doesn’t really want to hurt Yoongi even though he could. Jimin has never been one to be cruel. Jimin is owed answers, and he could wait until now- until they weren't making a scene in public but now he needs them.
He opens his mouth to ask, but before he can- he hears a small intake of breath and turns. But Jimin can’t get a good enough look before the figure is retreating, only catching the sight of blue fabric as trailing on the ground, quickly disappearing around the corner.
You take off in a run- away from the new alpha- away from the threat.
You wish you could stay- Yoongi could need help- this strange sweet-smelling alpha could be sent to kill the two of you and yet your instincts of self-preservation are thundering in your ears. Your instincts saying to go into the back room crawl into the little cabinet or something- hide until they’re gone. Or maybe the attic. Any space they couldn’t find you.
Yoongi calls your name but you’re already hiding.
Yoongi gives Jimin a tired but sad look. Setting the unpacked groceries onto a lone chair, And gestures for him to follow. They tread back through the house, past a few doors and a steep set of stairs.
Jimin doesn’t know how he knew to look in the closet, but one-moment Yoongi’s nostrils are flaring and the next he’s uttering comforting words. Yoongi’s voice is soft, like he’s trying to calm a startled animal. “Baby, it’s okay, Jiminie’s not here to hurt us. He might look scary but he’s actually really kind. Don’t you want to meet him?”
Yoongi turns to look at him, an encouraging but gentle look on his face, a face that says 'please don't say anything too harsh' “And I’m sure he’d love to meet you too. Will you come out sweetheart?”
Jimin bristles, because honestly he can’t imagine anything he wants less. He used to call me sweetheart Jimin thinks bitterly. Stomping down the grief and yearning as Yoongi slowly nears the closet door. Jimin can hear slow shifting inside.
Yoongi should have known that bringing a strange alpha home would startle you and make you hide, any surprise tends to do that to you- least of all your worst nightmare. Someone you don't know and don't trust in your only safe haven. But in the moment all he was thinking about was Jiminie- that he missed them and that he’d do anything to get a few more minutes with the alpha again, a taste of that life back, just for a moment.
He has a lot to do in order to earn them back in his life- Yoongi knows that. And Seeing Jimin again today had felt like seeing shame and damnation, a stolen special treat.
Once he opens that door again he’ll have a lot to prove, a lot to heal. This- Yoongi does on the daily- when the hurts he had and hadn't caused were one in the same with you. There is a lot to mitigate, balancing his hope and your feeling of safety. It's not easy.
You’ve seen Yoongi sit up late at night more than once- staring out the windows at the rows of houses. Out here in suburbia where the 18th-century homes have been turned into Large packhouses that stretch into the distance just like this one. Each window that shines with light is a seperate love story.
You and Yoongi are just one box of light in the sea of houses. Your house is dark with just the two of you, but it aches to be filled with like like the others. This is a pack house, made for 6 people that live across the city, maybe it’s falling down But Yoongi’s going to make it a home if its the last act of love he’s allowed.
In many ways, this house will be his apology. Jimin just wasn’t supposed to see it until it was done.
The empty places in Yoongi’s heart hurt almost as much as the broken places in yours. A house is not a home without love and you know Yoongi loves them. And you guess, if Yoongi trusts him- then you can trust this alpha too.
Yoongi feels the release of tension when you let go of the doorknob and takes it as permission to open the door.
Yoongi opens the door, and you’ve got the edge of a sleeve on your head from the jackets hanging in the closet. The blue blanket clasped around you hides your mouth as you and Jimin lock eyes, his appraising and yours scared. You're terrified, but you can handle being scared for Yoongi.
He's your mate after all.
Jimin feels his heart skip a beat. /Oh/ he thinks, just /oh/, And tries not to let the world fall down around him. The room is spinning and Jimin can breathe, he like someone just tore a rug out from underneath him. And then- his foot actually does hit a soft spot in the floorboards.
A crunch, a crack, his foot goes through the floor and Jimin loses his balance.
Series Masterlist ~ Donate ~ Twitter
Please Reblog and Comment!
jungkook as your boyfriend
to be in my taglist click 📍
if you enjoy my works please consider buying me a coffee in here 💌
he's shy at the beginning
he may be giving us all the 'body' content because he's getting confident about it day by day
but we can't deny the fact he has an all romantic loverboy inside
he is so lost on you
you could see it in the endearing smile he has when you're doing the most ordinary things
i see him as giving small pecks while smiling at you, you'd had no idea that it was coming
oops i got emotional and it's only 6 sentences fck
he loves the comfortableness when he's with you, all cuddly
he'd take you his fav places to eat, my man l o v e s eating as we all know
everyone... here's a game addict
plus he doesn't like to lose and you can read it on his face it's so obvious
kiss that mf if you ever win at something cuz he'd be low-key sad
would get competitive
and you better learn how to play computer games
cuz i'm telling you he spends so much time playing
would reply your messages at fcking 5 AM because of it
has special playlists for you, love songs that he hums when you're together
would play the songs he learned on guitar to you
he'd take you to karaoke, would hug you from behind and sing, slowly dancing while you're in his arms
would kiss you like his favorite movies
i'm not crying you are
you two would be exploring local stores, buying clothes etc.
you'd have so much quality time together, always funny
even it's only texting
sticker, meme wars hehe
in some of your free time you'd sit and draw things, he'd show you some moves from their new dance
if you ever fight he'd get silent and probably wanna be alone
he'd overthink and be so sad about it, wanting you to do something
and if you two are stubborn - well he already is - somebody else would try to make you up
you'd both regret having that fight and promise it won't happen again
he'd be all touchy afterwards cuz he missed you a lot
warning : yup, it gets mature from now
he's getting buffer
and worse...more confident
would start all romantic and sweet, long kisses when his hands slowly exploring your body
not ending the same way babe
you'd live the duality
he'd be fucking you senseless while saying how beautiful you are
loves to use his strength on you
would prove it in different positions, making you breathless
lives for the lovemaking
he'd not leave a place that hasn't been kissed
gets turned on by your whimpers, moans
his moans would be deep, almost melodic
he'd love how small you are in his hand
.·´ request more of these in here
the warmth of winter || finale
Summary: You’re home for the holidays after landing your dream job. When your dad’s old army friend stops by for the month, he makes waves immediately. Your little vacation is disrupted... for better or for worse? Nobody has to know.
Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x (F) Reader
Based on the Song: ‘Illicit Affairs’ by Taylor Swift
Warnings: 18+ ONLY; unprotected sex; strong language; age difference kink (Reader is 25, Bucky is 39); tiny bit of angst
Word Count: 7,800+
A/N: We have reached the beautiful end. Happy Holidays, everyone. May your literature and dreams be filled with the wonderful woes of DBF! Bucky Barnes. Love you all. xx
The overhead bell dings, announcing your arrival. Clint looks up from the counter briefly and the stack of papers he’s signing, but once he double-takes he drops the pen and stares back. You shrug.
But Clint is Clint, and the second he readjusts his hearing aid, he smiles and says, “You look like shit this morning.”
Slowly, a smile cracks on your face. You can’t help it.
“Hey! Got you smilin’!” Clint hops the counter and wraps you in his arms, squeezing tightly until he thinks you’ve had enough. But you feel like shit, and even though you reject Clint’s bear hugs on a normal day, you really want him to give you another one this time. “Gonna buy those flowers now?”
You shrug again. “Yeah, I’m trying to support more small businesses.”
Clint makes a loud ‘pfft’ noise with his mouth and shoves you lightly. “Fuck outta here.”
He knows exactly what to get. It’s a combination of orange tulips, daffodils, and one vibrant, red amaryllis stuffed in the middle of the bouquet. Clint organizes it like a recipe, similar to how someone would add ingredients to a pot.
The fact he still knows the order, even after all these years, makes you feel thankful and guilty at the same time. He holds out his hand expectantly, opening and closing his fist until you roll your eyes and place your debit card in his palm. He does this weird bow before swiping it at the register, then grabs the bouquet and plumps the petals before he hands it to you. “Go apologize to your old man.”
“You know this is only the first step.”
“Happy to be of service either way… I’ll tell Wanda and Pietro you’re doing good.”
Now that makes you sad all over again. Your hand is almost entirely purple, but the painkillers are doing their job. And you’ve had your night of crying — Kate can attest to that. She played with your hair through your breakdown until you finally fell asleep.
“Hey, Clint.” You grab his attention before he has the chance to get back to the New Years Eve orders. “For what it’s worth, I wanna thank you for keeping our secret. I know that was a shitty thing to make you guys do this whole month.”
“You’re thinkin’ too much of it,” Clint says with no hesitation. He gives you a genuine smile and picks up his pen. “Anything for you, Bumblebee.”
The general rule of thumb in your household was that if there was ever a fight or a disagreement, the opposing party would have to allow the departing party space and time to be sad or angry on their own terms. In this case, your dad is the departed and you’re the opposing party. In high school it was almost always the other way around, and the disagreements were mediocre at best. If you could time travel and tell your teenage self that you could definitely one-up whatever it was they were moping about, you would.
Hey past me, don’t stress about this little thing now. You and your dad will get over it. In the future, maybe you shouldn’t fuck one of his friends to avoid all this, but what the fuck do I know?
All you did last night was gently knock on his bedroom door to tell him everyone left, including Bucky. There was no response, but you weren’t really expecting one.
Now, you stand outside the same door with an apology bouquet and his Christmas present. It’s better late than never. You rock back and forth on the balls of your feet a couple more times before finally knocking.
Your dad answers with a quiet groan, and there’s the faint noise of bed sheets shuffling.
You turn the knob and peek your head in. At least the curtains are drawn. He’s hiding underneath a pile of blankets. You can’t tell if the mass even has him under it, really. “Can I come in?”
He grumbles and the blankets shutter, signaling life. “Have I moped for more than twelve hours?”
“Give or take a few minutes.”
There’s a pause. Slowly, he drags himself from underneath the self-made mountain. He mutters things under his breath the whole time he does it. It’s obvious you got your dramatics from him. “Come in.”
You enter and sit on the edge of his bed. He immediately focuses on the large bouquet in your hand. He battles with himself for a moment before sighing and grabbing it from you. “Dad—”
“I don’t even know what to ask or what to say.”
You didn’t exactly practice what you were going to say either. But you at least afford him the right of your words coming naturally. If you claim the affair came naturally, then your explanation should too. “I’m sorry for keeping this from you. I’m sorry that it even happened. But it’s not just… sex. Bucky and I—”
“You know what, Bumblebee? I don’t wanna know about it. Don’t want details. Don’t even wanna know when this was happening. But just tell me one thing — does he treat you right?”
“Then the rest is none of my business.”
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. It’s not that simple; it doesn’t feel that simple. “But it is… he’s one of your friends.”
He shakes his head fast. “Not like Sam. Not like Bruce. There’s a huge difference, but I get what you’re trying to rationalize. Hell, I’m trying to use the same excuse.”
Your dad takes the time to smell the flowers. There’s a knowing smile growing, like he’s reminiscing the first time you gifted him these.
You think about Bucky. You think about how he left his childhood home after the accident because he believed it would make your dad more comfortable. You think about how he ultimately accepted his invitation to spend the holidays with him, even if they hadn’t spoken truly in years. You think about this, and watch your dad smell the flowers. He’s still dressed in his outfit from the party, and his hair is an absolute, ruffled mess.
“He really cares about you, you know?”
“If he really did he would have thought twice about this,” he mutters. He’s not wrong. He turns from the flowers to you. “I’m not gonna stay mad forever. Just let your old man wallow.”
You nod slowly, then remember his present in your hand. You hold it out for him. “I’m sorry I ruined Christmas.”
He releases a dry chuckle. “You didn’t ruin anything. James didn’t ruin anything. I’m smart enough to blame the one person who wasn’t invited and tried to assault my daughter.”
“Yeah, Peter texted me that Pepper fired him this morning.”
“Good. I wouldn’t have let you go back to New York otherwise.”
He looks to you then to the presents. You know he just wants to lay back in bed and play some video games for a while. You give him a quick hug, tearing up as his fingers grip the fabric of your shirt the tighter he holds you.
You don’t leave the room feeling like everything is good and done, but it’s definitely a beginning.
You walk down the stairs slowly, running your fingers through the wreaths on the stair rail or trying to reach the snowflakes hanging on the ceiling. Everything is still the same way everyone left it last night, give or take a few items. Clint and Wanda stayed behind a little later to help clean the kitchen and shove any leftover food into the fridge. And everyone’s presents are still under the tree.
As much as you want to scream around town that you’re sorry for being a catalyst in the destruction of your dad’s traditions, you don’t think you have enough energy to do that and give everyone their gifts. You’ll find the time. It’s just not right now.
Still, you go to sit beside the tree after turning the heater on. The sun outside is hidden behind gray clouds and the world is quiet. The neighbors are either sleeping in or hungover from drinks and food. With the lack of sunlight, you click on the lights for the tree. The lights are simply gold, still brilliant, and you think about how often Kate (the resident interior designer) keeps trying to get you to buy the colorful lights. But your dad claims that much colorful shining would contrast the colorful matte of the room. Kate says he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
The mini tree in the bar has colorful lights. So Kate really did get what she always wanted.
You count the presents and make a mental note of when you'll probably see each person next. Peter’s gift is back in your New York apartment, as is Scott’s. You count nine in total.
Your dad. Wanda. Pietro. Clint. Sam. Kate. Bucky. Your dad’s present to you.
That’s eight, but there’s nine.
It’s a heavy, rectangular-cubed present, wrapped with shiny green wrapping paper and topped with a gold bow. You turn it around in your hands a couple times, then shake it lightly near your ear. The contents thump against the sides of what sounds like hard cardboard. There’s no tag saying who it’s for.
You chance it. It’s either for you or your dad, no one else.
The cardboard is easier to destroy than the wrapping paper, surprisingly enough. Then it’s like the mornings of every Christmas you had with frizzled hair and sleepy eyes and dry saliva at the corner of your mouth. You get the catapulting happiness in the lock of your knees and the joints of your knuckles. You’re just a kid again, opening your presents and counting down the minutes until your dad lets you call Wanda to rave about them all, and to ask if she liked the gift you got her.
The snowglobe is slightly bigger than your hand, base made from dark wood and engraved with a short quote.
‘The wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile.’
But it’s the globe that has you reeling. The scene is simple: a sculpted model, who looks a little too much like you, lying back on a couch with a book raised over her head; the scene, even though it gives no other evidence that the couch is ‘outside’, is surrounded by fallen snow. And once you shake it, the scene of course springs to life.
The tiny humanoid figure even has a fluffy, forest green cardigan and fluffy red socks on.
You shake it excitedly a few more times, completely enthralled by its stunning appearance.
Snow… couch… round.
He did it. Bucky actually did it. Those three random words paved way for such a remarkable and lucky-as-fuck gift. A wet laugh bursts from your mouth. You hug the snowglobe to your chest, smiling so wide your cheeks begin to hurt.
You know Bucky’s not here and hasn’t returned since last night. Scrambling to stand from the floor and trying to rewrap the snowglobe in the bubblewrap you had discarded is a messy struggle, but there’s only one thought on your mind.
You have to see him. You have to thank him for the gift. And you have to give him his.
Grabbing your phone and Bucky’s gift, you practically sprint through town to the hotel Sam mentioned he was staying at.
It takes less than three rapid knocks before Sam pulls open his hotel door. Perks of a small town is that everyone knows everyone, so a couple sweet words with the front desk and they let you on up.
“Sam?” You glance over his shoulder, bouncing on your heels. “Hey, where’s Bucky?”
Sam sighs and crosses his arms, leaning his right shoulder against the doorframe. “He left.”
“What do you mean he left? His stuff is still at my house—”
“He went by to pack everything when you left early this morning.”
You swallow hard. “He didn’t wanna talk about it?”
“He feels like he really screwed up, kid,” Sam admits. He didn’t get much out of Bucky last night, but he did manage to scrape a ‘I knew better and I still took her down with me’.
“But I told him I would talk to him later.”
Sam chuckles, low and quiet. “Have you met men? We think that’s code for ‘give me space, I’ll call you’.”
“Well, it does but not in this case,” you mumble, then release a heavy sigh. Your shoulders suddenly feel incredibly heavy with the weight of everything that has happened this past month.
Sam huffs another laugh. He leads you into the room and goes to retrieve the complimentary notepad on the desk. His bags are packed and the TV is on mute. He scribbles an address onto the notepad. “Here.”
“The bar’s address. He lives in the apartment above it.”
“Sam…” Your mouth parts in shock.
“It may take a while for me to come to terms with this relationship. But you should have seen him last night, man. Never seen him like this.”
He may be hesitant, but Sam is sincere. And when someone has Sam Wilson’s blessing, whether it be for something small or huge, they should consider themselves grateful.
“I’m sorry I lied to you.”
Sam rolls his eyes and reaches for something else on the desk. “Apologize some more later. Here.” He hands you an envelope. “Leaves in two hours.”
You open the envelope and gawk at what you see. “You got me a plane ticket?”
Sam shrugs, “Traded mine for this one. My truck’s in Pietro’s garage and your dad already said I can use the guest room since his last tenant bailed.”
You can’t help but laugh at his attempt at a joke. Still, you shake your head and hand him the ticket back. “But Sarah and the kids…”
Sam shoves the ticket back into your chest. “I’m leaving tomorrow with my own ticket. I’ll still make it back in time to celebrate with Sis for New Years.”
You just look from the ticket and back to Sam. “Don’t worry about me, kid. Go get your man.” Sam acts as if he’s giving up, the serious expression falling from his face and replaced with a massive grin. He laughs in between words. “Hey! I love those Hallmark movies just as much as the next person!”
You hold the tears in, and leap up to wrap your arms around his neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” You plant random kisses all over his cheeks and forehead, straining on your tippy-toes as you do so. Sam groans and wipes at his face once you dash from his room.
He yells down the hallway. “You’re paying me back!”
After racing back home and packing an overnight bag (because let’s face it, you didn’t pack much in means of clothing for this vacation and you can always stop by your apartment if you need anything else), you hop on the plane and practice your speech in your head. It’ll be a short flight. You’ve got Bucky’s present and the snowglobe smuggled in your carry-on.
The flight’s full but there are no families on board — just people returning alone from their small vacations or business trips. It makes you feel sad, even if your dad encouraged you to chase after Bucky when he emerged from his room in the midst of your chaotic packing for this first meal of the day. You told him you’d be back for New Years Eve, even if you had to drive your ass back. He made you promise, and said he expected you to return with a plus-one.
You really hope you’ll be able to swing that.
You practically fly through the terminals, jumping over overturned suitcases and rushing to security. One of the TSA agents even leans in close after inspecting your driver’s license to whisper, “Running through an airport during the holidays to talk to someone?” All you do is flush with embarrassment and nod.
Your life, you’ve come to accept, is a Hallmark movie. In the distant back of your mind, as you run to the exit doors and hail a taxi, there’s the faint sound of every Taylor Swift song you can match up to this moment. Kate’s influence, no doubt. You let it fuel you.
You hand the driver Sam’s scribbled note and lean back in the seat, legs bouncing in anticipation.
The day after Christmas in New York must be one of the most chaotic days ever, after Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. There are people all over the place, bundled up in their winter coats and hailing taxis like their lives depend on it. If you had to bet, you’d say half of these people are returning Christmas presents. Still, it’s kind of refreshing to be back in the middle of your fast-paced city. You’ve missed it.
Bucky’s bar is located in between a tattoo shop and an antique store. The sign outside reads ‘The Alibi’ in big gold lettering.
Once inside, you feel as though you’ve been transported to the wild, wild west. Or, partly. The floors and bar itself are made from this dark, rustic wood, that if you had to guess, you’d say is either oak or maple. The walls are almost all covered with sketches and paintings that vary in style and design, as well as various pictures. In the first picture you see, you recognize Captain Rogers, who’s hanging off Bucky’s right shoulder and laughing into the camera. The rest of the wall displays are flags, kids drawings, and quotes. There is no main theme, but that seems like something Bucky would do. He’s got a ton of interests and loves a lot of things.
But the people in the room, who are all staring at you and taking sips of their drinks in between, are what really captures your attention.
Damn, you think. He wasn’t kidding when he said this was a biker bar.
You’re not entirely out of place. There are some young customers sitting in the booths near the front. They too watch as you stroll on in, watching as you eye the walls and lean over the bar. The bartender isn’t here, must’ve went to go get something from the back, and Bucky’s probably upstairs in his apartment—
He emerges from the back, hair fluffed like he’s been constantly running his hands through it, sighing heavily and carrying a massive milk crate full of bottled beer. And because your life deserves another cliche, time stands still when he spots you.
You smile to show you’ve come with good graces, and give him a tiny wave. Bucky stumbles when he steps forward but balances just in time to not spill the beer. You stifle your giggle and wait for him to set everything down, dust himself off, and turn his attention back to you. No one speaks — the customers in the room provide the much-needed noise of conversation you both need to gain the courage to speak first. Finally, you reach into your book bag and take out the carefully bubble wrapped snowglobe, placing it on the bar counter.
Bucky’s mouth opens, then closes. He stares at you, then the snowglobe, then clears his throat. “... I see you got my gift.”
Hearing his voice after casting him out is otherworldly — it damn near makes you cry. You huff a surprised laugh. “Three words? Those random three words and you got them all?”
Bucky shrugs, then looks down at his feet. “It was really pure luck, but.”
Bucky shrugs again. He doesn’t know how to start apologizing. He figures he should go back to the beginning, stating how he should have stayed away that night in the bar, or how he should have planted his foot down after you two crossed the ultimate line. But he also wants to describe your time together as poetically as he can, using all the positive adjectives in the world and standing there as you tease him for it.
You take that awkward moment to sit down at the nearest barstool.
“You first,” Bucky says.
Breathing in deeply, and for lack of a better expression, you pour your heart out. “I should have told you that I didn’t think this was gonna end well. I guess I was just too caught up in the fun of it all. Peggy… you remember Peggy? Um, she just told me to live in the moment and to stop living in my head. And for the first time in a long time… I was happy with someone else. I got to enjoy that happiness with another.” You smile down at your hands and see that you’ve picked the skin of your cuticle a little too much on your thumb. “I’ve never had that.”
“Me neither,” Bucky admits.
“Thank you for giving my dad the space he needed.” Bucky nods, and pulls a beer from the crate. He cracks it open and places it in front of you. Confused, you lift it up and take a sip.
“I felt like I had to do something with my hands.”
You snort around the bottle neck and quickly swallow so you don’t choke. Bucky’s grin is wide.
“I talked to him, by the way.”
“He gonna kill me?”
“Give it another day, but I think he’s fine,” you say, scrunching up your nose.
“Yeah,” you sigh, taking another drink. “Just like Sam, I think they need to come to terms with it first.”
Bucky bites his bottom lip, chews it softly, and runs his metal hand through his hair. He winces when the grooves pull at a few strands. He places his palms on the counter, fingers bending slightly, like he doesn’t know what to do with them. “So… there’s something to come to terms with?”
You place your beer to the far side and lean on the counter with your forearms, closer to him. “Yeah, Bucky…” He doesn’t move, but his eyes are locked with yours. “I don’t want this to end.”
Bucky releases a shaky breath and cups your cheeks. You place your hands over his. “I missed you.” And suddenly he’s hoping to lean in and learn the curve of your lip with his tongue, just one last time, if you’ll allow it.
You grin, feeling as your cheeks resist lifting in Bucky’s grip. He kisses you sweet, pulling you in and biting your bottom lip. It’s long and hungry but it’s obvious you both feel constrained by the limits of such a public outing. It only takes Bucky another second to realize that hey, we’re in New York, no one here knows you, and this is my own goddamn bar. He nips softly, grinning when the soft sigh you produce slowly becomes a quiet moan. You press your lips against his a little more firmly, lingering for another second or two before pulling away to chuckle. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
“Shut the fuck up, I missed you still. I miss you always,” he breathes against you. “I’m sorry I ignored you. I’m sorry I didn’t get Rumlow out of there sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t have the self-control to stay away from you. I’m sorry I bailed and ran back here.” He confesses all this while molding your lips with his again. He hears and feels the hitch in your breath, and now he must restrain himself. This may be his bar and you’ve both got some serious kink with fucking around people who are clueless, but it isn’t the time or the place.
“I got you a present, too. You left it under the tree.”
He takes the present as you offer it, marveling at the shiny gold wrapping paper. He knows what it is before he even opens it.
But he’s still astonished at what he finds. “Where did you find this?”
“Bookstore off of Page. I think it’s one of a hundred ever printed.”
Bucky gapes, eyes literally sparkling. “It’s old as shit. And look at the pages! Look at this cover, huah!”
You smile big with your top teeth slightly biting your lip; there’s a soft beating in your chest that travels to all your extremities, and the indescribable melting sensation occurs — all while looking at Bucky. Maybe you were a little too harsh with how authors describe the feeling of love and admiration. Because it does feel like your heart is about to burst red out of your chest, and it does feel like all your limbs are subject to a heady numbness, and it does feel like honey and sugar and the delectable taste of them mixed in whiskey.
But it also feels like the first shiver of winter when you are least expecting it, but hoping for it. It feels like the proud knowledge of seeing a painting and recognizing the brush strokes, like you knew the artist themselves. And it feels like the first warmth of winter, when you cuddle under a heavy blanket and push away the forgotten strands of stray hair and rub your palms together to create the mild friction your warm blood craves.
That’s the moment. Peggy’s words ring loudly in the back of your head. Bucky turns the book over in his hands, marveling at every minor detail… he’s just given you your first flower: a pure look at a moment of happiness.
“Do you like it?”
Bucky has all the praise ready to spill from his tongue but he can’t quite get the words out. Because you’re standing there, illuminated by the soft yellow light he still needs to replace and chewing on your bottom lip that he has claimed as his multiple times. Multiple times. He thinks if he doesn’t join the voyage to conquer that bottom lip right this instant, he’ll go crazy.
So he holds his new book tight to his chest, takes your hand, and tells the only other person behind the bar that they’re in charge.
Stumbling up the stairs is reminiscent of the first time you were together, and it’s accompanied by the same stifled laughter and giggling. It’s not until Bucky closes his apartment door with the heel of his foot and snags you by the waist that things heat up severely, playful nature still present in the multitude of giggles in between kisses and little nose snorts as you both struggle to remove the heavy clothing you're wearing. Bucky teases you for it, and strips quickly as he was only wearing jeans and t-shirt. The voice that was always nagging, screaming at you to think twice about what you and Bucky were doing, is now silent. There’s no weird duplicate of your voice, no false words of guilt — this feels right, period.
There’s nothing rushed about this either. There’s no race to get to the finish line because there’s a time stamp. No, Bucky takes his time and deepens every kiss straight away, loving the feeling of your hot, wet tongue against his. And what a lovely, wet tongue Bucky also has.
You kiss long and deep, savoring the taste of each other and the sensation it brings. You’re going mad with the prospect of finally, simply, holding Bucky’s hand out in the general public. Your hands roam freely, cusping and grasping every available naked inch Bucky is offering. Bucky tries not to slam you too hard into the wall, effectively caging you in and returning the favor as he roams higher, hands climbing the expanse of your back and holding you close.
“I know you said I sounded ridiculous, but I really did miss you,” Bucky says. You have one hand on the back of Bucky’s neck, pulling lightly at his wavy hair, and the other gripping his impressive waist. “Fuck, did I miss you.”
The one hand you had on his waist drops even lower now, snaking its way to his backside and gripping his firm ass. You give it a tight squeeze, your small hand grasping as much as it can, and swallow the prolonged groan Bucky releases against your mouth.
“I missed you, too,” you admit, palming his asscheek harder so it presses him firmly against you and the wall. “I’ll tease you about it later.”
This is what unhinges Bucky, restraint practically flying out the window. You, ever so witty, challenging him at every moment you see fit. He doesn’t think the kink of your young age would still be inside his head — he figured that would die off once the secret was revealed and the adrenaline settled. But it’s still there, fresh, causing his cock to spring up behind his boxers, blood running south, erasing all other thoughts. Now that he knows his feelings extend beyond the kink, Bucky feels it’s safe to indulge in it.
Bucky surges forward, lips attacking yours, and finally steers you away from the wall, through a short hallway, and into his bedroom.
It’s the stupidest fucking thought you’ve ever had but it pops up and you have to acknowledge it. Bucky is the first man you’ve done the dirty with, who brought you back to his apartment, that has a bed frame. Stupid fucking thought but it’s true and it just makes you adore him more.
Once you two topple onto the mattress, Bucky’s hands work their magic. It’s like clockwork now — he knows your asks and tells. One hand goes in between your legs, rubbing your bottom lips slowly through your underwear while the other, his metal one, reaches up to grip the side of your head, carefully tilting your chin up to mold his lips with yours. You trade dozens of sloppy kisses, both your aims a little off, like the scent of your desperation has made you both careless. And perhaps that’s the wrong word to use because these kisses, no matter how uncoordinated they may be, are careful and shared with the most desirable intent.
Bucky needs to be inside of you before he has an aneurysm.
“Fuck,” you gasp out, Bucky’s lips tender and ticklish as he kisses down your neck. You turn so he has easier access. Bucky lifts you slightly, reaching behind your back to unclasp your bra. Once that’s out of the way, he puts his tongue to work after he gets a look at your naked torso. You delve into that delectable feeling, as well as the constant circular pressure he’s applying to your sensitive nub. You wrap your arms around his neck instinctively, holding him in place. He leans into your warmth.
“Stay with me tonight,” Bucky breathes. His breath is hot against your skin for a second, but once he detaches from your breasts, you’re exposed to the cool chill in the air and your nipples harden. “Stay with me.”
“I will,” you agree, pulling him a little harshly by the hair at the back of his neck to give him a desperate kiss. For Bucky, it’s a signal to get this show on the road — to enjoy being with you without the shoulder crumbling guilt, without restrictions or censors. The answer, you’ve come to realize, is simple. Whatever Bucky wants, Bucky gets. It’s a profound feeling you develop while underneath this man, bombarded with bold and frantic kissing, absolutely littered with them, and from simply hearing him speak, grand and real all at once. His plea, simple enough, sounds like scripture in your ear.
“Bucky, promise me something.”
Bucky pulls his lips from your skin to meet your eye. Bucky’s on the same page — anything you were to ask for, he’d venture through snow and wind for. “Anything.”
“If we’re going to treat this as real, then we hold each other as equals. We’re not each other's secret anymore.”
Bucky is so overcome he leans down to capture your lips with his again. Your noses bump messily but that doesn’t quite bother you. Bucky’s moving your body up higher on his bed and treating you well. He can bump his nose with yours a couple more times in both cute and embarrassing ways if it makes him happy.
“Yes,” Bucky promises, slipping your underwear off while you aid him with his. He takes a second to marvel at your body, now illuminated by the harsh yellow light of his bedside and the moonlight from the open window. Somehow, it still makes you shine.
“Perfect... Look at you,” Bucky whispers, running his thumb over your bottom lip. The soft pad ignites both your heart and the tight coil at the base of your stomach. Slowly, you stick your tongue out and trace his thumb as it travels along your lip, mouth circling around it once it reaches the middle again. Bucky’s breath hops, and his whole body shudders. “How can you ever be anything else?”
You kiss again, but this time it’s less frantic. Now completely exposed and relying on shared body warmth to protect from the cold December weather, there’s the presence of a promise.
Bucky pushes your legs apart and settles between them. He rubs at your clit for a while, slowing each time your breath starts hitching more often. There’s nothing cruel about the edging this time — it’s anticipation, it’s care, it’s presence.
Looking up at him through the dark curtain of your eyelashes, you hope it signals Bucky nonverbally that you’re more than ready. Bucky settles again, his chest briefly brushing against yours as he drags the head of his cock through your wet slit. He doesn’t even try to stop the moan from escaping. Whether he knows it or not, Bucky’s whines and groans are lethal. They shake your reality, like you’re not supposed to hear something so precious and carnal, like they are whirls that escape Pandora’s box and bless the world. Because even though the myth is known for a more negative outcome, Bucky’s pleasure is definitely one of the few positive releases.
Those pink, luscious lips of his part again with another sweet sound, just by your ear. By the time Bucky slowly slides in, tip of his cock stretching you deliciously and inviting the rest of his girth, you’re losing your mind.
“Oh, Bucky,” you gasp reverently, clutching at the skin of his strong back. You’re always tense at first, trying desperately to take him all in to get comfortable much quicker. Bucky’s cock is delectable, providing such a wonderful stretch and burn that you never want it to end. Your abdomen quivers with need, your chest lightly heaving with each strangled breath prepared to turn into a cry.
Bucky takes his time. You try not to roll your hips in order to push him in deeper, not that he could make it much further in all honesty, but you want Bucky to be in control right now. It’s like you’re apologizing once again for comparing him to someone you absolutely despised. So Bucky having control right now, able to turn and fuck your body however he sees fit, is important to you.
All that tight, wet heat is doing something to Bucky’s brain. God, he’ll never lose this rush, that’s for sure. It’s a rush he’s rarely ever felt with another lover. But looking down at your face — eyebrows furrowed, lip curled in a delicious silent moan, nose slightly scrunched — he wonders if what he’s feeling is the combination of sex and love. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched. Bucky’s already been theorizing whether it took him merely one hour or the whole month of December to fall in love with you. He just knows it happened quickly.
Incrementally, Bucky quickens his pace, his slick cock pushing deep and long into your heat. He dips his head down to steal a kiss, even if he is enjoying the small puffs of air you were voicing. Bucky’s hands go to grasp your waist, holding you up just a little so the angle is better. Then he pounds you deeper, swallowing each and every moan that slips from between your connected mouths. Bucky’s going at it like this is his favorite activity in the world, and it damn well may be.
The wave is already building inside of you, heavy with ecstasy and such overwhelming intensity. Bucky’s fingers dig into your skin, holding you in place as he drives in. But the coil is just wound so tight, so severely, that you feel as if you have to take matters into your own hands. Bucky’s had his fun — now it’s time for yours.
Almost expertly, you hook a leg around his waist and use the momentum to flip over so you’re settled on top. This startles Bucky, and he looks up at you with both surprise and a dash of curiosity. The fact that you haven’t played in this position before, on a bed at least, is a goddamn shame. But there’s a first time for everything.
You place your hands on his chest, only squeezing his pecs just a little to elicit that strangled moan you knew he was trying to hold back. Your weight is perfect on his sturdy frame: Bucky, beneath you, looks so splendid and willing. His golden skin calls out to you, begs for your silky tongue and the press of your lips. But Bucky’s erection is full and your pussy has somehow developed a heartbeat of its own, so you slowly lift yourself up and back down again, watching Bucky’s beautiful face each time you do it.
Bucky revels in it, loves being caressed and used, taken apart when all he has to do is lie back and take it. He watches as you bounce, hands squeezing his tits, the position making your arms push yours together. You fuck him faster, riding yourself down with a swivel of your hips and a hungry call of his name. Bucky writhes underneath you, his hands traveling anywhere and everywhere he sees fit: your shoulders for a mini and uncoordinated massage, your nipples to tweak and harden them, your waist to grip and dig his nails in, your clit to tease and cause you to shudder harder. And all the while the metal hand generates a stream of goosebumps.
Bucky’s writhing only spurs you on. He whines, and he moves to clutch at the bedsheets. He almost bursts through the seams when your hands travel over the crest of his ribs, to his toned stomach, and back up to his defined pecs, where you finally, finally, play with his tits like he once asked. Bucky’s skin is hot and flushed, turning redder by the minute.
“Doll… oh fuck,” Bucky whimpers. He cries out again as you pinch his hardened nipples, turning them expertly like the way he does yours. He’s so hard inside of you it’s like he’s holding out. It certainly looks that way considering the faces he’s making. It contorts ever so lovely, then his jaw goes slack, and he puts extra energy in pounding away upwards, hitting your sweet spot head-on. With one particular twist of your thumbs, Bucky arches off the bed and licks his dry lips. “Wait, wait!”
You pull away completely and stop your hips.
Bucky motions for you to bend forward, hands interlocking behind your neck to drag you down himself. Once your lips are connected, after what seemed like ages for Bucky, Bucky drives upward and fucks you harder than you thought possible.
“B—Bucky! Oh, oh!” You’re incredibly loud, and Bucky makes the (sort-of) sick joke that maybe this is how Clint went deaf, because you’re yelling at the crook of his neck, right beside his ear, and he fucking loves it. “Oh, fuck! Oh my god.”
Your breathing comes in short little gasps, each one getting shorter than the other, your velvety heat starting to constrict uncontrollably as you near your end. Bucky just moves faster, metal hand grasping one asscheck while the other is halfway wrapped around your back. You try to match his pace, his rhythm, but it’s a lost cause. You thought you were taking control by riding him into the mattress, but Bucky is Bucky and he, without a doubt, will always get what he wants. He retakes control, pumping his hips, pulling out and pushing back smoothly. The whole room feels hot; both your moans are louder than the slapping sounds of your sweaty skin. Your chest is damp and so is Bucky’s, and it’s starting to feel like the friction of both your bodies is becoming more silky than grounding. But that’s the last care in the world for you two. Bucky wants to live with his cock buried deep in your cunt for the rest of his days, mark his damn words.
Rolling his pelvis, Bucky grinds in fast and unrelenting. His body rocks with all he’s giving, his head thrown back in the pillows as he focuses on hitting your spot over and over and matching each of his grunts with yours.
“More,” you breathe, your hands finding balance against the bed. You hold yourself up the best you can and are determined to aid in the cause. Bucky’s bed is sturdy, able to handle a much harder pounding. So you decide to test it. Grasping the headboard with both hands, you roll your hips and bounce in time with the pistoning of Bucky’s hips.
“Oh, god, yes!” Bucky cries, sweating as a result of the effort at this point. He grits his teeth and follows your nonverbal command, speeding up and driving in deeper.
You’re yelling nonstop now, one right after the other, incoherent nothingness after every short gasp and guttural moan. Bucky is right there with frenzied need. One look at you clenching your teeth and Bucky rams deep inside your sweet hole that’s pressing around him endlessly, exploding with a short cry. The paralyzing satisfaction is not enough to stop his momentum, his common sense, so he pummels into you a few more times until you too are coming around him, thighs clenching around his hips and shaking almost comically. Your arms shake as you ride it out, knuckles purpling around the headboard. You eye your injured for a moment — holding the headboard, even if you’re going to have to take another painkiller, was worth it.
He catches you as your limbs give out, but you’ve still got some mind not to crush him. You lift yourself off him gently, hissing from the stretch now, and roll over to lay beside him. Bucky immediately scoops you into his side. You try not to think about getting up to clean yourself off too soon. Bucky’s warmth is just so addictive.
Bucky kisses the top of your head, his hot breath warming even the forgotten parts of your body. “Fuck, sweetheart. You learn some new moves?”
You giggle unexpectedly, like a flood of serotonin has just attacked your brain and spread throughout every nerve ending in your body. You snuggle closer and breathe him in. “If you think so, then I think I’m doing something right.”
Bucky chuckles deeply. He dwells in this feeling: peace. There’s no running to clean up, to fix everything as you left it, nothing to change or modify. All he needs to do is softly trace his fingertips over your shoulders, taste every word your mouth can form, and then close his eyes to wake up and do it all over again.
“I’m surprised you haven’t teased me about your gift yet,” Bucky says.
Confused, you tilt your head up so you can look at him. “What do you mean? I teased you about the three word game we did.”
“No, the quote.”
When your response is simply a scrunch of the eyebrows, Bucky tries hard not to let his mouth split into the biggest shit-eating grin he’s ever had. “You don’t know where that quote is from, do you?”
You shake your head, already starting to laugh. “You better fucking tell me before you choke on your laugh!”
Bucky sits up and helps you up as well. “I’ll give you a hint. Charles Dickens.”
“‘A Christmas Carol’? Are you kidding me?”
Bucky bursts into a fit of hard laughter, clutching at his sweaty chest and everything. You push him lightly, laughing along with him, and get out of bed to rush to the bathroom.
“You’re an editor!”
“I avoid Dickens because I got a C on a college report about him once. I have a grudge, sue me!”
“You can’t deny the quote though!”
You flush the toilet and speed-walk back to bed, naked as the day you were born and feeling the cold air like the Gods originally intended. “I’ll admit… There's truth in it.”
“Like this, like that. As this, as that. Similes run our lives.”
Bucky envelops you in his warmth again. You trace your finger over his chest, watching as he breathes in slowly, out. “You make me smile like you just gave me my first flower.”
Bucky meets your eye, eyebrow raised. “Where’d you hear that one from?”
“A friend,” you admit. “It’s cheesy. But it makes sense.”
“Shower me in similes!” Bucky exclaims, rolling the two of you over until you’re trapped beneath him as he presses scattered kisses all over your neck and chest.
~ 5 Days Later ~
“Clint, stop hogging all the apple cider!”
“You’re twenty-four, Kate! Drink the fuckin’ champagne like an adult!”
“But I want apple cider!”
“Will you two shut up?” you yell, rolling your eyes and leaning further back into Bucky’s chest. Everyone’s lounging in the living room, watching the countdown as it hits the two minute mark.
“I brought plenty of apple cider!” Pietro cheers, already a little drunk on the champagne he did not bring. “We drink to the new year and to new relationships!”
Everyone raises their glasses to that. Wanda chugs her champagne and refills it, eyeing the television just in case she needs to speed up her pouring. She’s already far gone, and you just know she’s going to somehow levitate up the stairs and into your own bed like there isn’t a perfectly good, empty bed in the guest room.
Your dad raises his glass, meets your eye, and shares a tiny smile.
One step at a time.
“It’s starting! It’s starting!” Clint announces, stumbling over Pietro who’s criss-crossed on the floor. Clint almost flies into the TV before your dad yanks him back by the shirt collar.
“Apple cider, huh?” your dad chastises, shaking his head. Clint mumbles a tiny apology and goes to sit beside Pietro, clinking his glass with his.
“Let the boy drink! In a few years he’s going to miss the feeling of being blacked-out drunk without a clue how he ended up in one of the guest rooms of Buckingham Palace,” Peggy says, relaxing in her own chair in the corner. She nurses an apple cider — how she even managed to rip the cold bottle from Clint’s hands is a mystery.
“That’s… oddly specific,” Bucky comments. He tries to hide his chuckle behind your head.
Peggy shrugs, smiles at the two of you, then looks back at the television. “Surprisingly, not the snazziest place I’ve woken up in.”
“To a new year, doll,” Bucky whispers near your ear. You squeeze your hands around his forearms that are wrapped around you.
“To a new start… together.”
Bucky smiles at you, kissing your temple.
He plants a kiss to your cheekbone, to the tip of your nose, to your chin.
To a brand new beginning.
All the love. xxMoni
can i request headcanons for kaeya, diluc, childe, and venti on what they would while their s/o dies in their arms? (if thats okay with u <3)
thank u sm! :))
BESTIE THE PAIN I FEEL RN!!! Omw to make hurt some of my faves hope you enjoy <3
Also guys I’ve been here for a day how are there almost 50 of you following?!
Pairings; (Separate) Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Venti x reader
Warning(s); hurt, big hurty, reader death, vague wound description, cursing, talk about dead bodies
Keep reading under the cut!
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were meant to live forever with him. You were supposed to grow old with him and become a parent to your future children. You were-
“Kaeya” you choke out smiling at your partner above you. The man shakes his head mentally pleading with you to not die “Kaeya I will always be on the wind” you tell him, a shaky, bloody hand raised to his cheek to weekly caress it
“Please” he pleads “Please don’t die on me [name]” you smile at him feeling the breaths in your lungs disappear
“I’m sorry Kae--ya” you apologise before passing away in his arms
He doesn’t move for a long time. He doesn’t feel for a long time. The one person he could share his secrets and his love to gone. Away with the wind
Kaeya doesn’t remember the last time he cried, but he’ll remember this one.
Your beaten, bruised, broken, dead, and beautiful body slumped in his arms as his tears fall from his face as he feels an absence in his heart
How is he supposed to live on if this is the pain he feels right now?
Jean eventually stumbles upon Kaeya out in the wilds, still clutched to your now cold and even more lifeless body
Jean manages to get the man up with your body held close to his chest
“Jean, I can’t, I can’t let them go” he pleads as if he’s waiting for you to simply wake up in his arms
“Kaeya...” Jean says in a concerned tone having never seen him in such a state, even he seemed to quickly recover from his fathers death
Eventually Jean coaxed Kaeya to go back to the city and leave your body in the hands of the sisters. Where they dressed you up and prepared a funeral service for you
The funeral was larger than Kaeya was expecting, you had affected a many more people than he realised from your small jobs around the city. Kaeya can’t help but be awed at how many people you’ve helped while you were in Mond
The usual chatter of Mondstat is quiet and in a time of grieving for about a week or so, many people have wonderful memories of you and Kaeya seems to be collecting them all, that and bunches of flowers. Many of which find themselves laying on your tombstone as Kaeya tells you about his day
A month passes and it seems like everything's back to normal, Kaeya is back to his outgoing self. He spends more nights at the tavern, but even Diluc doesn’t have the heart to cut him off.
Jean seems to pick up on the smallest things, goddamnit Jean, the extra nights at the tavern, the eyebags, the weeping she can hear from his room. In it’s own right is heart-breaking, the acting Grandmaster cannot imagine what it’s like to be actually experiencing that kind of pain
No, not like this
You had both decided that night to join each other in your little vigilante escapade. Which was fine you had both done this before, but tonight resulted in something very different
Here you are, head on Dilucs lap. This could be considered romantic, and often was, were it not for the fact you felt like you choked up a mixture of your lung and your bloody supply
“Diluc” you speak with a much worse for wear voice, the red-head looks into your eyes, eyes already gaining moisture. A similar scene has befallen him before, a Diluc knows how this ends
“Please” he pleads his voice wavering “Please don’t leave me” he chokes back a sob and tears fall off his face the salt hitting your own
“I love you so much” you start, Diluc shakes his head. Must you hurt him so with last words? “Don’t blame yourse-” another set of hacking befalls you as you lose more blood
“Please” he pleads again as the grip you had on his arm goes slack indicating your loss of life
Diluc screams, he cries and he hugs you close. He screams into the air of Mondstat until his voice hurts and he cries until all he’s doing is dry sobbing and he holds you close until you’re broken body is pried from his own broken mind
A wondering Jean heard his screams into the night sky and hereby answered them. She never expected to see Diluc, still in his vigilante getup, crying over your body
She calls for more guards who take your body from his and Jean helps Diluc get back to the estate. At one point during the walk Jean can feel DIluc shaking and hyperventilating. So they stand for a moment, Jean holds and comforts the wine-master before they move again
Jean has never seen such emotion from Diluc before, and she wholeheartedly hopes she’ll never have to see it again. Seeing Diluc so raw and rife with emotion is enough to make anyone cry. And Jean nearly did on more than one occasion.
Your funeral is small, much to Dilucs request and really only were attended by the estate and Jean. Diluc didn’t want to cry again in such a large audience
Though the maids often hear pained sobs coming from Dilucs room as he contemplates and often blames himself for what had transpired. Maids daren’t speak up about what they hear though, Diluc’s pain is more than understandable
Diluc throws himself into work opting to man the bar most days of the week and fighting for the city as often as he can. People around him are more than concerned
Diluc’s stoic nature seems to be intensified now, not wanting to let another person in and die in his arms. He’s seen enough death for his life and wishes not to lose more loved ones
Everything seems to have moved back to what life was before you arrived in your life, depressive, monotonous, boring, mundane for the most part and sad. So very sad
He wishes for a day where his heart isn’t strife with grief, but he doubts that day will not be coming anytime soon
You grin up at him, feeling close to naught pain coming from the gaping wound thanks to the excess of adrenaline that’s pumping through your body
“Childe” you say the smile still on your lips in an attempt at not making the situation as dark and horrific as it is. Childe speaks your name in return
“I love you” you tell him mustering the strength to cup the mans cheek, who immediately nuzzles into it. The situation almost doesn’t feel real to him. He’s going to be shaken awake by a very unwounded you in just a moment and inform him he’s having a nightmare
But that moment doesn’t come. Nor do any words come from you. Your slow rhythms of your heart remind you that he’s still got time, but you’ve expended all your energy. Your smile you’re wearing seems to be dropping
“I love you [name], I love you so much, you are everything I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you” he rambles bringing your body to his chest
“Live for--- me” you sputter out into his chest, a dying wish that Childe isn’t too sure he can uphold. Is it really living if he’s an empty vessel.
You go limp in his arms and he can no longer sense your heartbeat. Death had finally laid claim to you
Childe sits with you for hours, you’d expect him to be wailing like a banshee if you knew his personality but that’s rather not the case. Sobbing quietly is a better word for what happens. Most of his sobs and hacks for air are hidden in your hair. He pulled your body to his shoulder just to weep
Eventually he finds himself mustering the courage to walk back to Liyue Harbour. You firmly held in his arms. He knows that if he walks too plainly the Millelith would pry and ask too many questions for his fragile heart to answer
Childe ends up barging into the wangsheng funeral parlour, which surprises Zhongli a little. He’s about to go on a rant to Childe about how he must book an appointment, until he sees your lifeless body in his arms
The funeral is arranged quickly and neatly. There aren’t many people who attend, Childe is okay with that, he secretly wants to see his family and cry on their shoulder a bit
Instead he opts for a letter, which arrives to the family tear stained and lacking the usual penmanship ‘I’m sorry, you won’t be able to see [name] after all. They passed away not too long ago...’ he basically writes your arbitrary in the letter. And his whole heart is in every word he writes
Determined not to let anybody in Childe finds himself in a pattern, when he’s not throwing himself into battles he’s doing paper work or yelling at his subordinates and when he’s not doing that he’s doing his weekly fight with the traveller. Childe gets next to no sleep and instead opts to reading and rereading every letter and note you’ve ever given him
If Childe passes out at his desk nobody bothers him either in fear of getting yelled at by the harbinger or an understanding of losing a loved one
They never said being a harbinger was fulfilling work. Yet, he let himself believe that he could be fulfilled and content with a lover. What a shameful lie
He’s awfully quiet. He hasn’t experienced death in so long. Especially one he thought would be forever.
He couldn’t even get to you to hear your last words. Ironic isn’t it? He hadn’t heard that guys last words either. And yet this pains him so much more
Sure mortal lives are fleeting but he was certain he had more time with you. More time to see you grow old, more time to put off your inevitable mortality. More time to-
He’s hyperventilating, Venti’s body shakes as he finds nothing to ground himself not even the person he loves so dear is there for him. He feels like he could explode, breaths caught in his throat refusing to surface and come up for air. Despite being an immortal archon, the breaths that refuse to surface don’t fail to make him feel like he’s choking
A bard he is. And one that knows every song from the past, present and future. Suddenly the pained songs from the future make sense to him. He knew what was written. A love lost
Suddenly he finds himself crying and hunched over your deceased form making promises to the wind that he’ll never forget you. Much like he’ll ever forget that bard
He isn’t sure how long has passed but he’s still sobbing over your form, there aren’t many tears left for him to cry but he can’t find himself stopping. He feels like they’ll never stop.
Maybe he could lay beside you and sleep for another thousand years. But that would only delay the inevitable. The inevitable sinking feeling.
Maybe it was his fault for letting himself fall in love with a mortal, but in the moment he could truly see you living life with him. He could see a marriage, children. He wanted you to have it all.
Damn celestia and all things above for not letting you ascend, at least when he inevitably ascends you’ll be there to greet him. Curse that and your mortality
Jean eventually stumbles upon him during a recon mission to find him covering your body in various flowers, a crown made of cecelias don your head. He’s quiet, but he’s saying goodbye. Who would blame him? Jean doesn’t interrupt him and only wishes you a farewell
News of your death spread around town like wildfire, your grave donned with more flowers than Venti can count. He almost feels bad about not doing a public service after seeing how many people are truly in mourning
Diluc doesn’t push Venti to pay his growing tab no matter how much he should. And Diluc doesn’t say no to Venti singing his happy tunes in the tavern
It feels like his life has retuned to normal. Though Jean can’t help but look out the library window to see Venti sat atop his statue with an expression, as Jean can only guess, of sadness.
Venti finds himself going back to an old schedule again but he can’t miss the nagging feeling of somethings missing. The something being you
Sometimes he half expects you to hug him from behind, or join him up at the statue, or kiss him on his nose, or-
Venti can’t quite comprehend how he feels, he just knows there’s a hole in his heart where you belonged. And he doesn’t want to let anyone find their way into there
He doesn’t want to lose again
It’s happened too much
Wrong Place At The Right Time - Otto Octavius x Reader Chapter 4
Chapter 4 - Extraordinary in the Ordinary
Things had been going surprisingly smooth with Otto.
Well, as well as could be expected considering that he had technically kidnapped you. But as far as kidnappers go he could have been so much worse. He still had his scary moments but he always snapped out of it and apologised immensely for frightening you. When he went out to “get some things”, it was his way of saying going to do sketchy stuff without ever actually saying it, he would occasionally bring you something to try and keep you happy. Pencils, paper, a book he found. It was almost sweet.
But the thing you were starting to really enjoy was talking to Otto. When he was working he tended to go silent, humming a song to himself but when he took a rare break the two of you would just sit and talk. Talk about whatever popped into your head, within reason of course. Otto tended to avoid questions about his work or his past and you couldn’t blame him. He never pushed you to talk about your own past either, an unspoken agreement between the two of you.
This was the most interesting thing that had ever happened to you in your whole life. That’s right, getting kidnapped by a supervillain was your high point.
You had always been almost painfully unordinary even in your own family, cousins and aunts and uncles were always much more talented. The only exception to this was your grandmother, the only person who saw something extraordinary in the very ordinary.
As you sat and thought you started to wonder, had anyone even noticed you had vanished? Were there newspaper articles and reward posters about you? You wanted to know but at the same time you didn’t want to. You’d feel guilty if people were looking for you, guilty for causing worry and panic. But if there was nothing then it would be the final nail in the coffin, that there was nobody searching for you.
You contemplated asking Otto if he had seen anything about you vanishing. But how would he react? Would it be Otto? Calm and understanding or would it be Doc Ock who responded?
The man in question looked up from his work noticing that he could no longer hear the sounds of your pencils moving against the paper. It was a sound that had started to become almost comforting to him, something to keep him grounded.
“Y/n? Are you alright?”
You blinked a few times and looked over at him “y-yeah I’m ok…” your voice wavered and you heard the arms making noises and moving as close to you as they could with Otto still at his desk. But that soon changed as Otto stood up, lifting his glasses off his face and sat next to you on the couch. “Y/n… what’s the matter?”
You hesitated for a moment before finally starting to talk about the worries on your mind “Otto… when you’ve been out… are people looking for me?”
Octavius tensed up, the voices in his head whispering louder but he ignored them as best as he could. You were already clearly upset about this and him getting angry or yelling wouldn’t help. You needed comfort. “And don’t lie to me.”
That’s what really cemented his thoughts about your current mood. You needed honesty about this situation, a lie would only hurt you more.
He took a deep breath and spoke very quietly “I…. haven’t seen anything about you…” You were silent for a moment and then for the first time in the week you had been with Otto, you cried. You had no one and that loneliness finally got to your heart.
Then you felt something nude against your elbow. You looked and saw one of the actuators. It had bumped against your elbow and was almost nuzzling into you. That made you cry even harder, covering your face with your hands and hunching over a little.
Otto wanted to say something, to say something that would end your tears but no words came to him. He just sat next to you as you cried until he carefully pulled you into his arms, holding you against his chest. Words would not help but this action might, some warmth and comfort.
So now you were crying against the bare chest of Otto Octavius. His arms and hands were warm and you could feel his heart beating. “Otto… I understand that is probably messed up to say all things considered but… I think you’re the only person in New York that cares about me on some level”
That surprised him, you were bright and kind. He found it hard to believe that you were so alone. But he knew better than to judge people and make assumptions based on the limited idea he had of a person. But for now all he could do was hold you close to him.
“Y/n… you’re a talented person, you have this… way of looking at things, of looking at me. You’re extraordinary” You tensed up and wrapped your arms around him as best as you could without accidentally touching the actuators. You didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, you say as you are pressed up against his chest. He rubs your back and whispers softly to try and calm you down.
The warmth between the pair of you was nice.
For you it was comforting and warm. Otto smelt like a mix of leather and smoke and it was oddly comforting.
And for Otto? It was the first kind contact he had had since… since he lost Rosie. He felt a pain in his heart by remembering his late wife but that was a pain he could deal with. Right now all that mattered to him was looking after you. But eventually you let go of Otto. Wiping your tears away and taking a deep shaky breath “Thank you Otto… sorry for-”
“There’s no need to apologise Y/n. You’ve been through a lot, no thanks to me. The most I can do is look after you when you need it.” He carefully cupped your face and wiped away any loose tears with his thumbs “I’ll get you some water, you need to hydrate after your tears”
Otto stood up and walked away, the warmth of his words and embrace had warmed your heart. He was a good man.
You just had the feeling he didn’t see himself in such a light.
PARINGS: Brother! Tamaki Amajiki x Female! Sister! Reader
CW: yandere, incest, stealthing, con to noncon, quirk play, riding, manipulation, possessiveness, slight angst, implied kidnapping
AN: thank you to @suzuki-violin-school for beta reading!! @sightoru @bonesoftheimpala come get y’all juice
You always had a strange relationship with your big brother, seeming to be just a touch close for your parent’s liking. But the pair of you never paid too much mind to it. Something about it just felt natural and right. You were thick as thieves, always confiding and comforting each other when no-one else seemed well enough to do the job.
When you ran to your brother’s house the second your first boyfriend broke up with you for a completely arbitrary reason, leaving you to cry on your nii-san’s shoulder to deal with your heartache.
“I told you he was no good for you, bunny. I knew from the start that something was wrong with him. There’s no one that’s good enough for my baby sister.”
Then it happened again. And again. And again, until it seemed like every partner you’ve ever had lost interest after the first few months of your relationship. It was devastating to feel unloved and unwanted, but at least you had your big brother to make everything better. Tamaki always reminded you how much he loved you, how smart and intelligent you were, how anyone would be lucky to have you, and the people who have dumped you were complete fools to not see what a gem you were.
And anyone would be lucky to have your big brother; you reminded him as well. The number seven pro hero who had finally blossomed into a confident, top-tier hero with a heart of gold. He was so strong, not to mention a heartthrob. Maybe it felt wrong to be jealous of the attention he gets from the media for his work along with his looks. Still, maybe it was because you knew better than anyone else that one day, the devotion he showed towards you would be the devotion he showed towards his own partner.
Not that you ever planned to tell him you didn’t want his undivided attention to be cast elsewhere, but just like everything else about your relationship, it flowed out naturally when you were crying about your recent first date that had ghosted you after dinner.
“Tama-nii, I’m never going to find someone! Why does no one want me?”
You sobbed into his chest, clinging to him like you did when you were a child, searching for the lost innocence of your youth in his arms. His strong hands embraced you without question, without judgment, as he kissed the top of your head tenderly while shushing you gently.
“Oh, bunny. That’s not true at all-”
What could he know about your struggle? The media treats him like the very man who hung the stars in the sky, and how could you blame them? He was the moon, the very embodiment of tenderness that waxes and wanes with a gentle, shimmering brilliance that you can’t help but hide in the shadows of.
“Yes, it is! What could you possibly know of not being wanted when you’re just going to end up leaving me like everyone else does?” His silence spoke louder than your own sobbing. “One day, you’ll find someone and leave me to be alone again because no one wants me!”
His hand, that touch you’ve become so familiar with, gently strokes your lower back.
“Who said I don't want you? You're making assumptions, little bunny.”
His words tickled your ear, got your heart racing as he quelled your cries of anguish. “Because I certainly do.”
Nimble fingers tilted your chin up to meet his soft gaze, lust clouding his eye like the calm before the storm.
“B-But not like that-”
“Exactly like that.”
His words lit a fire in your core, but forced ice to run through your veins. Your brother could never have you in the way you wanted him to, the way you needed him to.
“It's not that simple.” You choked out, straining to contain yourself from your fleeting desires. This fleeting feeling of weakness can't let you risk your relationship with your brother, or worse, let him be your everything for just a moment and watch him walk away when he's done. “We can't.”
“And why is that? Isn't it obvious that I'm not going anywhere unless I'm with you?”
His face inched closer to yours, a blush splattering his pale skin up to his ears.
Your eyes flicked to his lips for a brief moment as you found yourself frozen.
“Not if I love you.”
Plush lips sealed over yours, enveloping you in the tenderness you'd had always envied him for. The love, the obsession he had for you had come crashing down in waves over you as you kissed him back, eager to feed off his affection and attention.
Teeth and tongue clashed together in a messy display of the taboo; hips pushed flush against each other as you whined into his mouth, sobbing in the relief of finally feeling yearned for.
The question of whether or not it was right wasn't plaguing you anymore, not like it did you when you scorned yourself for the infectious desires that coiled in your core late at night. His love cleansed you, cured you of your ailment as his tongue and lips made their way to your neck.
Sweet nothings tickled your ear as he nibbled and kissed along your tender flesh, leaving bright pink spots in his loving wake. The tears from your eyes dripped onto his hair, but neither of you seemed to care.
“Don't cry, my love.”
His words were like a symphony, enthralling you with the melody that he carried in his voice and the song he sung to soothe your overwhelmed state. “Let your big brother take care of you, okay?”
Clothes were discarded in a flurry, tossed somewhere beyond the couch the two of you were grinding on. His hands were so strong, yet so gentle as you were carried like a princess, his princess, to his bed where he no doubt intended to indulge in every one of your desires.
Your knight in shining armor kissed you breathless under the moonlight that trickled through the window, casting his shadow over you. Even now, he stole the limelight but you couldn't find it in yourself to care this time, not when he touched you so lovingly.
Nimble fingers kneaded and pulled at your plump flesh, making their ways down to the wetness between your legs. Shame flushed your face as he throatily chuckled. “Wet for me already, imouto? You're flattering your nii-san.”
The pad of his thumb circled your clit gently, sharp eyes watching as your body jolted and twitched at the sensation. “You’re acting as though you've never been touched before.”
You hear the smile in his voice without even seeing it. It only served to flush your shame even further, avoiding the eyes that were fucking you with everything they had.
“Don’t take those pretty eyes off of me.”
His middle finger prodded gently at your hole, teasing the twitching thing with circles of his forefingers. Shyly, your eyes turned to him, begging, pleading for him to stop teasing already!
And how could he deny such an unspoken request from the love of his life? Tamaki already knew what you wanted before you even did, he always did. He’s been able to read you like a book, already knowing what would be on the next page before it was written.
Still, he liked to tease, or more so needed to. It would fuel him like no other to finally hear you beg for him, beg for the love only he knew how to give you. Not that he would be so selfish to deny you of all that you wanted, he was more than prepared to spoil his lovely princess.
But, the man couldn't deny the inklings of his insecurities coming back to bite him. There was a chance that you could regret this later, that you would run far from his reach the second the realization that you slept with your brother donned on you. Tamaki wouldn't have it, now or ever.
Your moans drew him back to the present as his finger pumped in and out of you, dragging along your spongy, wet walls that gripped him oh so nicely. He could hardly handle the anticipation of getting to feel you around his cock.
“N-Nii-san! I can't wait, want you inside!”
Your broken cry sent a shudder down his spine and a jump to his cock. Such a desperate little thing you were, but you were his desperate little thing.
Maneuvering the both of you, he sat you in his lap while holding your ass flush to his hips.
“You know what to do, pretty girl.”
Swallowing thickly, you pulled his cock out of his boxers and positioned yourself to sink down on it.
“Y-You’ll pull out, right?”
“Of course, imouto.”
That was all you needed. Determined to please him, you pushed just the tip in before sitting all the way down on it. A choked gasp filled the space as you felt the fullness of your brother’s cock inside of you.
“S-So full, nii-san!” He stretched you perfectly, letting any pain fade comfortably into pleasure.
It was then that Tamaki decided he would ruin you, not only for himself but for anyone else who dared to think they would be able to please you.
As you ground your hips down into his, you couldn't help but start to feel him grow inside you. Was this normal for sex?
“Ah! Hold on, it's really starting to hurt nii-san.”
Your hips lifted off of his, only to be slammed back down by those strong hands you've come to love.
“Just relax, princess. I'm doing this because I love you.”
Admittedly, this was his first time to try to manifest this part of his body, but he had to try for you, didn't he? Your future with him depended on it. The kiss he pressed to your temple was to soothe himself more than you, focusing on the horse meat he had eaten early that day just after you called him.
He shushed your struggles, hugging you close and stroking the ever-growing bulge in your stomach as he completed his manifestation.
“There we go.” He kissed your cries of the pain away. “It’s okay, you’re okay, princess.”
You had to understand that he was doing this for both of you. He’d ruin that cunt of yours, make it so no man other than Tamaki and his quirk could ever satisfy you.
“You were made to my cock, and mine alone, princess. I'll make you see that.”
The pain was nearly unbearable as he began to thrust up into you, hitting your cervix with the strange cock head he had produced. His hand stayed flush to the bulge on your stomach, stroking it gently as he pounded into you from below.
Your cries and moans meshed together in a perfect melody, one that was always destined to be sung by the both of you, together as one.
Neither of you were going to last long, not with his quirk in play.
“Oh God, I'm gonna cum, princess!” His thrusts became erratic, pounding into you with a new vigor.
“Y-You promised to pull out!” You cried in frustration, feeling his cum fill you up to the brim and dripping out of even with his cock still inside. Tamaki thumbed at your clit to help push you over the edge as he shrunk his cock back down, feeling you cum around him with a cry and shaky legs.
He pulled out, looking at the bulge his cum inside you left behind as he pushed on it gently, watching it gush out of you.
“Now no one else will ever want you.”
Hi! I’d like to request a Tom imagine where he becomes distant and not the same Tom you knew before so when you lay in bed on opposite side facing different directions, you start to silently sob and he doesn’t notice. It goes on for a couple of nights and you leave early in the morning but one day Tom wakes up and sees the tear stained pillow and feels awful because he’s been so cold to the reader. Thanks :))
A/N : This took me forever apologies for that. Based on the song ‘false god’ by TS. Hope you like this.
Pairing : Tom Holland x Reader
Warnings : angst
Everything seemed perfect until it wasn’t. Your rather happy and prosperous life was crumbling in front of your eyes and you didn’t know what to do. A rift has been forming between you and Tom and it is getting wider day by day.
Since the day Tom has returned from filming he has been acting distant. Your long late night conversations where he used to pour his heart out to sharing each and every thing that happened with him while he was away has come down to bare minimum only if it's necessary. His hugs no longer had the warmth you were familiar with; neither were his kisses. It felt forced and deliberate.
You knew that being in a relationship with a world known actor like Tom would be tough. He is always travelling to different places around the world to make more movies but never you’d imagine that distance would become the weak point of your relationship. Everybody had warned you about times like this when the distance between you would feel way too much as if you don’t know the person anymore. It made you question your decisions, maybe it was crazy of you to rush into a relationship. The promises you made to be there for each other now feels stupid and childish.
After finishing all your daily chores you headed to your shared bedroom. Tom was already in bed glancing at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts as you walked to your side of the bed and laid down. Everything was so still only the shallow breathing of yours could be heard the silence cutting to your core. You tried to take the initiative and went to wrap your arms around him and snuggle close as you always used to do.
“Not tonight baby I’m tired” to your surprise Tom pushed you away with a hint irritation in his voice as he turned to his side facing his back to you. You retracted your hands in guilt of coming off as clingy. You turn to your side as you sob silently, the fact that you were so close to each other but it felt he was out of your reach.
You hoped that things would get better, maybe he needed some space but it just got worse for you. It looked like he was avoiding you as he spent most of the time outside of the house. Is this what everybody warned you about? The guy who used to follow you around like a lovesick fool suddenly you feel you have become an eye sore for him. But still you wanted to hold on to the last straw. You were blinded by the faith in him and the love you had that made you keep your hopes alive that this shall pass and soon he come running back to you.
You didn’t want to give up so easily as you tried to make him talk to you about whatever it was bothering him but he was always cold and resilient about it.
“Hey hon let's go out for dinner tonight what do you say?” you ask thinking that you both needed to blow of some steam and enjoy.
“Nah I'm good babe” he turns down your offer plainly engrossed in watching whatever was playing on the TV while sitting on the couch.
“Oh ok” you say gloomily as you turn to go back to your room when you hear his phone ring.
“Hey Haz what's up mate?” Tom sounded cheerful as he talked to his best friend.
“At the pub? Yeah sure why not. I'll be there by seven” he confirms before hanging up the phone.
That hurted you immensely has your relationship come to this where he’d rather not go out spend a little time with you. Has his dislike for you gone to that extent? you thought fighting back your tears. The last blow came when the other day you accidentally overheard him while he was in the study speaking to someone on his phone.
“No I can’t do this anymore. I’m fucking tired!” Tom said with distaste in his voice.
That was it you couldn’t bear to hear anymore as you ran to your bedroom with tears in your eyes. You sat on the bed as your eyes went to the framed photographs of you and Tom as memories flashed in front of your eyes. You looked so happy around each other everything seemed so perfect but now he is tired of you. You are no more his favorite thing to look at. If it is so then why pretend? If he’s eventually gonna break your heart why not get it done already you don’t want to be a burden in someone’s life.
With these thoughts you cried yourself to sleep only wishing if this was a bad dream and once you wake up you will find yourself in his arms.
Next day you woke up early in the morning to find Tom sleeping next to you peacefully, a loose curl falling over his eye. A smile formed on your face as you went to brush it off but stopped when the memory of last night returned back to you. You felt suffocated as the air in the room felt heavy. You wanted to scream and vent out everything you had inside you, you just want an answer to why is he acting like this? What was your fault?
Your head started to ache and after a lot of thought you decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air to clear your head.
Tom stirs in his sleep and turns around on his side, his hand reaching out to pull you closer out of habit but he is met with thin air. He pats around your side of the bed with his eyes still closed to find the sheets cold. His eyes shoot open realizing you weren’t there as he sits up.
“Y/N” he calls out, rubbing his eyes. His eyes went to your pillow, the fabric of the pillow case covered with wet blotches as realization dawned upon him. You were crying and he was the reason behind your tears.
“Shit..” he was overcome with guilt and slid off the bed.
“Y/N! Y/N!” Tom called out to you rushing down the stairs but you weren’t in the living room
“Love, where are you?” he frantically searched everywhere for you in the house but you were nowhere to be found. He dropped down on the couch letting out a deep sigh in regret. He himself knew that he had been distant to you for a reason that he cannot say to you which was eating him up from inside. He hurt you to the extent that now you are gone. He had no idea what to do now, where to go and find you. He was about to call Harry when the front door unlocked and you walked in with Tessa by your side.
“That was a nice walk isn’t it Tess?” you say catching your breath as you slip off your running shoes when your eyes went to a very devastated Tom.
“Tom are you alright?” you ask with concern. His eyes darted towards you as he stands up and sprints to you engulfing you in his embrace. Oh how much you missed this you thought closing your eyes in content face nuzzled into his chest as you inhaled his faint cologne. You pull away after some time and gazed into his eyes red and puffy. A few tears of joy of seeing you again slipped down them.
“Is everything ok bubs?” you ask him again cradling his face wiping his tears with your thumbs affectionately.
“Where were you?” his voice comes out broken.
“I woke up early so thought to go on a walk with Tess. Plus I was feeling very cooped up in the house so needed some fresh air”
“I-I saw the empty bed then I saw your pillow I-I thought you left, I got so scared Y/N” he sniffled.
“Truth be told I was actually thinking of leaving. I can't live like this anymore, Tom. You and me living under the same roof acting like strangers it’s becoming mentally strenuous for me” you finally vent it out.
“I know- I know I have been a complete jerk to you lately. I was so wrapped up inside my head-”
“It’s ok Tom if you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore just say it I won’t bother you anymore” you say bitterly.
“What are you saying love?” Tom looked at you in disbelief.
“Last night I heard you, Tom, that you’re tired of this, of me. Tom you should have just told me I would have left then and there”
“No that wasn’t what I was talking about” Tom shakes his head dismissively as you tried to stay calm.
“It’s ok Tom people fall out of love I’m not blaming you but you should have told me first instead of telling about it to someone else”
“You don’t understand Y/N. I-I…” he slumps on the couch holding his forehead feeling mentally drained out. You sit beside him holding on to his arm.
“Then make me understand Tom. What is it? Just talk to me baby” you pleaded your hand went to cup his face as you made him look at you.
“Derek, my PR manager wants me to break up with you” he finally lets it out as you gave him a confused and surprised look.
“What? But why?”
“Apparently he thinks our relationship is affecting my social image” he sighs sadly.
“Do you think that too?” you mumble looking down.
“What? No, love. I would never. You are the best thing that has happened to me” he reassures you “Since the day he told me had me so stressed I didn’t know how to handle this whole thing and in that process I pushed you away, I hurt you...” he rambles.
“But what are you gonna do?”
“Nothing. I told him I can’t do this and I’m tired”
“So you weren’t..?” you looked at him with doubtful eyes.
“Yes honey I was telling him that I can’t do whatever he is asking me to do” he cradles your face with his large palms “I can never get over you, not in this lifetime at least. And I’m sorry I acted like that. Can you forgive me love?” he looks at you with guilt in his eyes. You break into a soft smile as you hold to his hands.
“I can never be angry at you dummy. Just please don't do this again if anything bothers you just talk to me okay?” Tom nods in understanding “I don’t like to see you like this. You mean the world to me you know that right?”
“And so are you to me love. I promise this won't happen again” he says pulling you in his embrace.
Redemption 01 — JJK. (M)
→: This is book two to my story Desperado. Read that one before continuing on to read this one.
→ pairing: Mafia!Jungkook x reader
→ genre: Angst, smut , a bit of fluff
→ Word count: 4k
→ summary: It’s been 4 years since everything that happened. If he could re-do everything he would, but cannot. With Won-Shik dead, and everyone’s back’s turned against him.. what can he do? You took a toll on him to the point where it’s hard to function without you and everyone’s concerned. Another gang has entered their teritory and is giving them a run for their money. The heir to the mafia thrown is now in charge with everyone waiting for his first big move. Yet, how can someone so broken inside take care of business though?
Warnings : This honestly isn’t for the light hearted and the weak. Drug dependency, drug mentions, high angst, mental illness, depression, anxiety, assault, gore, guns, usage of weapons, daddy kink, bigdick!jk, hair pulling, soft sex, rough sex, squirting, mouth fucking, overstimulation, consensual drunk/tipsy sex, protected & unprotected sex. I may be forgetting some so sorry in advance!
Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken.
Play this song after :)
“ What do you want.”
The boy watches his brother inhale the perfectly rolled blunt and then exhale the cloud of smoke with a bland look on his face. Sungmin hates that. He hates that Jungkook has picked up a weed addiction and can’t come back down for anything. Rehab? Jungkook literally paid his way out by bribing the administrator and security guards when Eunji put him in there. She sent him there once more, and yet he did the same thing except for he gave head to the owner who fell head over heals with his sex appeal. She meant nothing to him. He just wanted to go back to his new home and get high, yet again.
“ Eomma said to come eat dinner with us.” Sungmin coughs, fanning the smoke out of his face. “ You promised her you’d eat with us today.”
He can’t disobey a promise to his mother. She’d be angry at him for atleast three days. Jungkook had to learn that part the hard way. Today wasn’t a great day. Today was the fourth year anniversary of your viewing in Korea. Your funeral was held back home in Canada where the rest of your family are. Jungkook wasn’t invited to neither, and it killed him everyday inside to know he will never properly say goodbye to you.
Sungmin sighs, taking the blunt from his brother and putting it inside the ash tray. This side of Jungkook is in no doubt, toxic. “ I know what today is. I know it’s hard for you. Please just.. I wan’t you to better yourself. I know we don’t get along but I hate to see you all doped up everyday Jungkook.”
As if he said something insulting, Jungkook glares at him daring him to say another word about himself. “ You got to say goodbye. I didn’t. Don’t tell me how to regulate things when you aren’t as broken inside as I am.”
“ I’m just as sad as you, that I lost a friend..” Sungmin sits next to him and in return Jungkook glares at him once more for sitting on his bed without permission. “ Tonight we’re going to Hanuel park and doing our paper lantern release for her…”
Every year on the day of your passing, Crystal organizes a lantern release event for you. Everyone involved in that night writes their messages on it, wishing that you’re doing good up in heaven.The ones close with her write their favorite memories. Jungkook never attends. Staying at home under his covers and crying till he has no tears left seems to be a much better way in his mind. The boys always try to get him to come, but he doesn’t. Instead they all send videos and pictures to him which only tend to make things worse about himself. Besides, why would her murderer go to such a thing anyways.
“ I don’t want to be reminded of this day so why would I go.” Jungkook sighs, leaning back on his bed. Sungmin doesn’t bother with egging the conversation on anymore. He realizes that Jungkook wouldn’t listen to him anyways.
“ You know.. I’m leaving for a week. Back to my University in Los Angeles.They want me to come teach a class and I know you don’t care but can we atleast do something together. Like when we used t-”
Sungmin lets out a groan, throwing his head back in defeat. He’d been dreading ot ask the question but he did want to have atleast some time with him. “ You liked painting with me. I don’t understand why you won’t do it anymore.”
He did. It sort of relieved the stress and anxiety. Sungmin had taught him about abstract painting. Let your feelings take over the brush. It’s Jungkook’s favorite method. He’d painted himself only because Sungmin suggested to not paint you, as it would affect the whole healing process.
The two had painted often after Jungkook’s first session with him. Likewise in return there were days where Jungkook would teach his older brother some tips and tricks on pottery. Sungmin isn’t the best at it, but he was glad that Jungkook had started acklowedging his presence. For the past four years, they hadn’t seen each other often but Sungmin made sure to visit on holidays.
He’d gotten accepted into University of Southern California while Jungkook got accepted into Seoul National University. Granted, Sungmin moving in the new Jeon Mansion after graduating wasn’t supposed to happen at all. Eunji wanted her boys to live together with her if she had to stay with Jungkook. So she was the one who gave Jungkook the ultimatum that if she were to live with him, Sungmin would have to come too. The two boys aren’t married yet so she thought it wouldn’t be much of a big deal. Jungkook being the mommy’s boy he is, caved in and now the brothers get along just a little bit more than what they tolerate.
It’s been a long four years.
“ Alright Jungkook. You win. Have fun moping around.”
Jungkook lets out a sigh when the door to his room closes. Nothing else matters today but you. Pulling out his phone, he sighs once more checking his lockscreen. Its a mirror picture of you in the girl’s bathroom from your guises old highschool. He’d manage to get that picture from your social media before the account went private after your death. It wasn’t so hard to search for you. He went through Crystal’s following and eventually found you. Jungkook wasn’t and still isn’t the type to be on social media but he had created that account after your death to look at the many, many pictures of your instagram. To him, you looked happy. Astonishing. Beautiful. Cheerful. Most importantly, loved.
You were happy in all your photos. A smile in each one of them. Cute little quirky captions to match the theme of the picture. There were plenty of nights after studying for tests or classes in general in college where he’d just scroll through them as if you were still alive. You were though. In his heart you definately are still alive.
The little voice startled him a bit, causing him to drop his phone on his lap. Standing at the door is his baby sister, with her thumb in her mouth batting her eyelashes. “ Oppa.” Jungkook says, correcting her grammar.
Shes the new addition to the house as well, and quite frankly she’s the only one who keeps Jungkook up and on his feet. Her mother had called Casper desperate and in need for him to take Eden because she had gotten into some big trouble with the law. She had been set up by her new mafia boyfriend. Nari was at risk of being put into a foster care system because the boyfriend of hers didn’t want to take care her small child. Casper was her last and only hope, and for the sake of pure luck he did answer that phone call that night.
It took some convincing on Jungkook’s end, as he never even seen the child nor wanted one waddling around his brand new home. Eunji couldn’t have been more excited to have a little step daughter to take care of. Since she wasn’t there to raise neither of her two sons fully, having full custody and acess to a new beginning at parenting felt like such a great thing for her. She was on board, Jungkook had to be convinced that Eunji would do all the parenting while he handles mafia business.
Yet it’s been one year since her arrival to the house and her older brother secretly loves her presence more than anything. He’s known for taking her out the house, which is his excuse to get his mind off you, and buying her anything her eyes set on. He’s the first one she goes to at night if she has a nightmare and there he is opening his arms for her to climb in so he can pat her back to sleep. Eunji says no to her? Jungkook will say yes. Four years old and she has him wrapped around her finger.
“ What are you doing..” She says, tilting her head to the side. Jungkook mentally laughs at that. Her sentance structures are way too advanced for her age. Thats all thanks to the private tutoring Eunji has set up for her.
Laying back down on his bed, his eyes wander to the ceiling. He can’t tell her he doesn’t feel like eating with everyone cause she’ll for sure snitch. “ What are you doing.. you are supposed to be eating.”
Before he knew it, the small body was now climbing ontop of him to sit on his stomach. Jungkook doesn’t mind it, as she does it all the time when wanting attention. His favorite girl, besides you and his mother, can get anything she wants.
“ Wanna play dolls with me?”
He raises an eyebrow up at her, “ Go downstairs to eat.” Playing dolls with a four year old is where he draws the line. The last time he tried that, she nearly had a tantrum because he wasn’t following along with the story.
“ Carry me!” Nari raises her hands high above her head with a big smile upon her face. He can’t say no to that. If it will get her to go eat then so be it. “ Lets go then.” He says, a small smile forming on his face.
With each step he takes outside the room and down the stairs, he regrets it. Today isn’t his favorite day and eating with the family is rather annoying. The thing he really wants to do is look at your eulogy and reminisce of your presence. For the sake of not being yelled at though, Jungkook quietly eats his dinner with the thought of you in the back of his mind, and avoids any question or conversation trying to be held with him.
That is until the constant vibration of his phone in his pocket interrupts his walk back to his room. The sound of the front door alarm announcing Sungmin had left, lets Jungkook know that Casper should be nearby to follow behind his car. Theres been trouble recently. A new gang that Jungkook is unfortunately aware of. Their small, but know exactly how to do things to where Jungkook can’t pin-point the leader or location. With the recent influx of kidnappings and killings recently, Jungkook has ordered a new security team. Bangtan doesn’t really need it, but the boys understood when a zoom meeting was called by their leader. Although the gang might not be as active, business is still business.
And someone is fucking up the plans on the turf of Bangtan Boys.
Breakings News! Recent restaurant fire at Hongdae Galbi. Police have no suspects as of right now. A fight broke out between two customers outside while the fire broke out inside. Two fighters weren’t seen ever going inside the restaurant. Police say the two men aren’t suspects. The public thinks otherwise.
Jungkook knew the story was bullshit. This is the second fire within two weeks in Hongdae. It’s starting to become really consistent, a little too consistent for his liking. Unlocking his phone, the text is from Namjoon. He’s found out the news too and is just as speculating as Jungkook.
Namjoon : We really need to call for a meeting.. the recent events are starting to look like we have opponents on our land.
Locking his phone, Jungkook sighs heavily while throwing his head back. Bangtan is something that has been on hold due to your death. Part of him doesn’t want to bring it back just because what if the dangers of losing someone close to him becomes true again. He doesn’t trust himself. Things are going good behind the scenes as he is still the big boss now. His duties are still being taken care of by himself for the Jeon mafia.
There just hasn’t been any killings by his boys or himself within the past four years. Stocks and the drug ring has been holding everyone well off with the thousands of money they make per month. Granted, no killings mean no big money is being made. So the boys have been assigned other duties and tasks to complete with their drug ring. Easy money for them.
Tell them to meet up at Temptation at midnight. We’ll discuss details then.
Walking back into his room, he makes sure to close the door behind him and lock it. The last thing he needs for anyone, especially Nari, to see is him loading up his glock and tucking it into his pants. His hands shake with each bullet loaded in. It’s been way too long since he’s carried it out the house. Guns threw him off completely because of your death. He no longer wanted anything to do with that deadly weapon that spews blood all over the place. Instead, he had been carrying his pocket knife around. A little more discreet and doesn’t painfully hit his dick sometimes the way his gun did.
Tonight since he will be in a big crowd within the his own club, it’s only right to be strapped up and alert. The boys would be too anyways. Shooting a text to Casper, Jungkook lets him know to be on high alert when he arrives to the club. With the recent things that have been going on, who knows what place is set next to be blown up.
It’s been a while since he’s been here. The smell of colognes, perfume, and alcohol mixes together creating an unkown scent. A friday night and it’s packed for sure due to one of the hottest DJ’s in Seoul playing tonight. If it were up to him he would have picked any other day to have this meeting. Today is his day to mourn you but business is calling so he must answer.
“ Have a great night boss.”
Jungkook nods his head at the security guard who lets him through to his private section. This section in particular is familiar to him and all the boys since they occasionally hold business here instead of one of the two private rooms upstairs.
Immediately his eyes dart over to the girl sitting in the section. That voice. The voice that holds mistakes, regret, fuck-ups and fuck buddy nights. She knows when she’s wanted by him. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Her beautiful fair skin shines perfectly against the strobe lights that compliment her long wavy hair that falls right above her ass. Her lips were once a favorite attribute of Jungkook, until those sinister lips betrayed him. Her dress is tight against her body making sure her figure stands out. Little black dress. The one that always got her in trouble by him. She wants something.
“ I tried to keep her away but the brat always gets what she wants.” Namjoon rolls his eyes, sitting back in his spot. He brings the light blue cartridge to his mouth to inhale a long drag just before exhaling in a slow motion.
Jungkook smirks a bit, “ Of course. You want something that you know you can’t get. Why are you here Emelia?” The boy sits down next to her to which Emelia’s hands travel up and down his chest making Jungkook tense up.
“ I was only dropping by at the club with my friends. They left me for some dick, but my dick is here at the club right next to me.” She says, batting her eyelashes at him. Jungkook slightly rolls his eyes. Sex. That’s what she wants.
“ So you bothered us to get fucked by Kook?” Taehyung laughs, shaking his head at her. Emelia doesn’t care for his smart comment. Instead she flips him off and goes right back to Jungkook who seemingly uninterested at the moment.
“ When will you come over tonight?”
Definately not tonight. Not on your death anniversary... but maybe the sex could chase the never ending pain away for a temporary moment. No. That’s disrespectful to you. Especially on this night alone.
Leaning down to whisper in her ear, “ I’m handling business right now, not tonight. Don’t think I’ll let you off though. You wore a dress that you know you can’t wear around my men. I’ll drop by soon.” Jungkook’s voice is husky but dominant lead by a kiss on the jaw to her afterwards.
She’s satisfied with the promise. She’s satisfied with anything to do with Jungkook really. It’s been only a year of them hooking up with each other. It started with Namjoon introducing her to Jungkook to get him out of his depressive state. She’s one of Crystal’s friends. Soon she became one of Jungkook’s girls. One of his favorite girls to say the most. Yeah the rest might of been strippers who give him dances here and then buy Emelia is consistent within his life.
She makes herself be consistent, always there when he needs whether it be for his needs or for someone to talk with about how life is cruel. She’s there. Soon friends led to fuck buddies who are friends and haven’t stopped since. She betrayed him by going and messing around with another gang member when they had taken a break from each other. Secrets could have been told to that other member, which is why Jungkook got rid of her for a month. Until he needed sex again and there she was offering sex and playing therapist to all his emotions.
Part of him wants to fill that deep hole in his heart that contains you. The piece of him that nobody can take or fill. It’s your space and your space only. Everyone else is just a temporary high. Emelia understands what business means and so she gives Jungkook a kiss on the cheek before heading out the VIP section and into the partying crowds of people.
“ Can you stop bringing your bitch to work.” Yoongi grabs the blunt from Namjoon awaiting his smart remark. “ She could be giving out information to that one boy.”
“ She isn’t. She also isn’t my bitch. Just a friend.” It takes Jungkook all his might to be on his best behavior tonight. Considering they know what day it is.
“ A friend who’s your bitch who you fuck to get yn out your h-”
A loud boom grabs everyone’s attention that comes from Jungkook slamming his hands on the table with a scowl upon his face. In one swift movement he’s up and over to Yoongi grabbing him by his shirt collar. Namjoon grabs onto Jungkook in order to pull him back but he’s got a good stance and grip onto Yoongi.
“ Do NOT speak of her like that when today is her death day you fucking idiot.”
Yoongi smirks, “ I know what day it is. You are the one disrepecting her because your bitch just came in here and-”
“ Keep speaking. I dare you.” Jungkook growls, tightening his grip. “ Stop! You two are always going at it. Pipe down we all need to talk about what we’re gonna do about this rival we have!” Namjoon yells.
Jungkook gives one last glare before pushing him back down into the seat. Today is definately not the day to be tampered with.
“ Not my fault princey pooh can’t control himself.”
Which is the last straw for Jungkook. “ Fuck it. You all figure it out by your damn self. I don’t need this shit today. Fuck you Yoongi and fuck everyone else for not speaking up on yn’s behalf! She may be dead but today is not the day to say slick remarks with her name in it.”
His head hurts from interacting with people and he’s entirely over it and exhausted from anything and anyone. All he wants to do is have a couple shots, smoke, and go to bed. Nothing went as planned today and the last thing he needed to happen is this entire situation.
“ Namjoon relay the plan to Casper. He’ll tell me after. I’m fucking over this shit.”
Namjoon sighs heavily, leaning his back against the booth while he watches Jungkook leave. Truth is, Jungkook has been putting more and more stress on to Namjoon this past few weeks. If Jungkook can’t do something right away then he would pass it over to him. Ontop of that, Crystal has been bugging him to spend more time with her. She’s beginning to get tired of the late nights he comes home.. or if he even comes home at all. He’s there for her during the day but it’s somehow cut short sometimes when business needs to be handled. She misses being with him the way they were in college. With her being an solo idol and all, her schedule barely matches his now-a-days. All she wants is the old relationship back and a more emotionally available boyfriend.
There has been countless nights where she stayed up overwhelmed and crying. Whether it be from being a popular singer or just her over-analyzing her relationship. Everytime she cries she wishes he would be there and hold her, but she does know that he has to handle business.
“ Need a hit?”
The voice startles him. Turning to his left, there’s a girl with short cut hair, a maroon colored body-con dress with matching heels holds out the golden cartridge. She has a golden bracelet with words that Jungkook can’t make out. Might be her name.
It’s been a long day so what the hell right? Taking the cart from her, he takes a long drag, holding it in to fill his lungs, then exhales the smoke. “ You aren’t a beginner. Nice.”
He nearly chokes when she speaks again. She sounds familiar. He knows that voice, but it sounds different. Different yet familiar and he can’t put his finger on it. Possibly one of his drunk night flings. It would be bad if he’d ask her name if so. “ Yeah well.. you know...”
“ You came storming out there...” She grabs her cart back from him, taking another hit. “ You alright dude? Was it girlfriend drama?”
He doesn’t make a noise. The voice is too familiar so he studies her movements. That’s something he always remembers of people. So far her leg keeps shaking as she leans on the concrete wall with her hands crossed. Anxiety maybe?
“ Just going through grief and life. Any suggestions on how to manage the two..”
The girl chuckles, grabbing his hand to place the cart back in it. As a reflex Jungkook tenses up and jerks his hand away. She doesn’t mind it though because she tries again but shows him the cart first before putting it in his hand with a slight smile.
“ Just make the world your own and live in it because right now you look like a lost puppy.”
Is the last thing she says before walking past him and into the dark nightlife of Hongdae.
Yeah that reminded him of you. Lost puppy. His lost puppy that had to be buried 6 feet under.
So he thinks.
A bad bitch never dies though right?
(Jealous! Kojiro Nanjo x Reader Smut)
People were used to coming to Sia la Luce for the amazing food, women were used to coming for the incredibly hot head Chef, and now men were used to coming for the adorably cute waitress. You were used to the uncomfortable eyes of men and women, sure you weren’t as attractive as most but you walked with confidence and understood your worth so men always wanted a piece of you. You were a natural flirt as well, which annoyed one particular person in the restaurant, you’d feel his angry ruby eyes digging into the back of your head so often throughout the day it was almost amusing but you had a job to do. Joe was furious watching you serve those touchy perverts with just a simple smile, “Are you stupid or do you just not care that they’re touching what’s mine?”, he growls to himself getting back to cooking before the food burned.
Once the day has ended and everyone’s gone home you’re left behind cleaning the tables and front while Kojiro is in the back. A shiver runs down your spine when footsteps suddenly stop behind you, you’re aware of who it is but you’d rather go home than do it here in his restaurant.
“Seriously what Kojiro?”, you hum finishing off your last table.
“Seriously, I can’t believe you’d just let those bastard touch and eye you like that. You should’ve told them you were taken.”, he growled leaning against your hips and pinning you to the table with his weight.
You whine feeling his fat cock rub against your ass, he’s only aggressive like this when he’s mad and unfortunately for you he got jealous. Whimpers and moans slip past your lips as he continues to dry hump you against the polished tabletop. His chin rests atop your head as he focuses his hips on humping at what is his, you hate how much his size turns you on. He’s a whole foot taller than you, built like a chiseled god that even Zeus would be envious of, and somehow still blessed with a fat cock that always made you whine when it split your tiny cunt in half.
“It’s not safe to wear a skirt in a kitchen you know? Your legs could get burnt or cut...or worse fucked by your boss~”, Joe grunted against your ear pulling your skirt up to allow his hardened cock to fuck you through your thighs.
“J-Joe...i-its brushing up against me. I’m gonna stain your pants and then you’ll be more mad.”, you pouted gently bouncing your hips in hopes that he didn’t notice.
He grunted against your ear, thick calloused fingers wrapping gently around your throat squeezing ever so slightly to make your body shudder in pleasure. “Yeah that’s it. My little beautiful slut, bring her out so I can fuck My little Princess.
Your hips bounced and grinded against his crotch attempting to get the friction your weeping cunt craved for. His grip around your throat became just a little tighter and you smiled for him, “My gorgeous slutty princess.”, Joe chuckled leaning your head back so he could kiss you sweet plump glossy lips. He continued to pound into your thighs as your fluids began to soak his pants, the feeling of your wet pussy through your underwear was just to fantastic.
“J-Joe I want it inside please.”, you whined for him.
“Course princess, but first we’ve gotta prep you. If you can’t take three fingers comfortably then you’re gonna hurt when I fuck you.”, he chuckles deeply against your ear as he kisses down your back to the flesh of your ass. Soft whines leave your lips as he strips you of your skirt and panties, he spreads your folds with two fingers and smiles at your wet little hole that’s so ready to be filled. He kisses your small clit and drags a long lick up to your greedy cunt, your breathless from his tongue pushing into your core, it’s thick far bigger then yours and it’s rough inside of you. Joe moans to your taste driving the sensation into your plump walls, his rough hands dance up your curved back enjoy your soft flesh before returning to your thighs and holding them open.
“S-stretch me Joe. Come one stop teasing.”, you whine reaching behind you to hold his head in place, your hips bounce in the rhythm you were looking for fucking your cunt onto his tongue as he moaned and drooled for you. That all to familiar sensation is building up but it’s just not enough yet, Joe slaps your ass signaling for you to stop, he pulls away panting for breath and teasingly spits in your hole to act as extra lube, without warning he’s drilling two thick fingers into your tiny cunt. You whimper to the feeling, Joe loves how wet you are, how beautiful you are for him. He was jealous sure but knowing that he was the only one that could see you like this always seemed to put him at ease.
“Hear that honey? All wet for me, sucking me in like a good little whore. You can take two surprisingly well today, want to try for three?”
“You better abuse my gspot, I know your fingers can reach it.”, you growl growing more and more impatient.
His third finger pushes into you, the delicious stretch making you wetter then you already were. His middle finger quickly found the little dip in your inner wall and began to press into it stimulating your little pussy. Your body trembled against his hand as he pressed soft kisses against the fat of your ass giving his fingers a curl or two to make your cry out for him.
“J-Joe so close. Y-yes right there...right there!”, you cried out.
“That’s it slutty baby, cum on me.”, he chuckled plunging his fingers deeper and faster inside of you until your first orgasm washed over you. Your legs shook violently from the sensation in your cunt, you could feel each squeeze your walls made against his fingers and he smiled knowing that you were cumming so hard, “I’ll make you cum on my cock for sure.”
He pulled his soak fingers from your cunt and ordered you to suck them clean, his cock awaiting its snug crevice twitched with anticipation. Your taste was strong on his fingers but it made you excited knowing that his cock would soon taste just like you, if you were lucky he’d let you clean him off. Joe’s free arm hooked under your knees and pulled you up against his chest, you were folded against his muscles like a piece of paper. The head of his cock slapped against your wet cunt as a warning, you hissed feeling it stretch your little cunt until you were full. At least three inches of his cock still remained to enter you but he’d fuck it in to you soon.
“All warm and gushy for me. My perfect little cock sleeve, to small for daddy but just so perfect.”, Joe chuckled.
His hips didn’t move, his arms moved you instead. Your hand slapped over you mouth in an attempt to keep you quiet, his veiny cock rubbed all of your spots and your puffy little clit didn’t even need to be teased. “Remember honey, no one can fuck you like I can. Even if you walk around all cute and seductive I’m the only one that can please you like this.”, Joe smiled using his free hand to push your head down so you could enjoy the show of being split on his fat cock. Just as the head would pop out he’d slam you back down on it not once slipping out, you moans were so delicious to his ears better then any desert he could ever make. Each grunt he made against your ears made you clench tightly around him but it just made the feeling better for him.
“Horny bitch, so wet for me. God I love you.”, He hummed kissing your shoulder softly while your fingers tugged at the hair on the back of his head.
You weren’t even sure when he managed to slip the other three inches into your pussy but seeing the head bulge against your stomach drove you crazy. “So full. So fucking full!”, you squealed arching your back against his chest. Joe smiled to himself as an idea came into mind, he stopped for a moment not once pulling out of you and walked you to the bar counter. He positioned your knees on the round seats and pressed you into the counter top, his hips began to snap into you. If it wasn’t for the counter keeping you in place he probably would’ve fucked you through bar. Your juices dripped down his coated shaft smothering his thighs and balls in your slick, and he only earned more the faster he pounded into your cunt. He stopped for a moment, completely filling your cunt, and slowly rolled his hips stirring up your cute little insides. Your hips moved in unison to his making the sensation so much better for both of you. He moaned your name like a song, gently slapped your thigh and then returned to sinning in his restaurant with you. A small pool of your slick now stained the floor but he didn’t mind, it was hot knowing how turned on you were because of him.
“J-Joe it’s too much.”, you whined taking his hand and pressing it to the bulge he created in your stomach.
“Hush baby you know you like it.”
His grip on your hips was soft yet bruising, he’d pull you back onto his cock as he thrusted back in making his balls slap against your puffy little clit. All wet and perfect for him he had long forgotten why he was mad, in this moment he just wanted to enjoy your cries even if they were in his restaurant.
“Cute little girl, my small little princess all wet and sloppy for me.”, he teased sliding a hand over your thigh to attack your neglected clit. Your back arched deeper feeling the overwhelming stimulation from your little bundle of nerves. The song of your heated passion echoed in the empty restaurant and Joe was drunk from it. He wanted more and more of you until either you couldn’t take it anymore or his dick hurt from overusing it.
“Joe gonna cum.”, you whined feeling the knot in your stomach come undone.
“Do it baby. Do it you deserve a nice orgasm on my cock.”, your lover quickly filled you with his cock and rolled his hips letting his thick member stir your insides like cake batter. You whined feeling it so deep inside of you but the orgasm that it brought you was just so incredible. With your walls contracting around him and your cum coating his undeserving cock Joe couldn’t hold back loud groans mixed with your moans until you both finally collapsed from exhaustion.
“God so perfect.”, soft kisses cooled your heated back earning a delighted moan from your exhausted form.
“You’re cleaning my everything hurts.”, you giggled trying to compose yourself as his hard cock still twitched inside of you.
“Of course anything for my irritatingly gorgeous princess.”
miya atsumu x fem reader, sakusa kiyoomi x fem reader
you, the mere msby manager, are desperately in love with sakusa kiyoomi. the only problem is that he has no idea you exist... or perhaps he just doesn’t want to acknowledge your existence
yeah this is a vent fic <3 potentially very triggering so plssss be wary!!
nsfw, dubcon, insecurity/body issues, alcohol/under the influence, sakusa being an asshole
He’s the most beautiful man in the world.
You could stare at him all day. He’s so tall, and especially in comparison to you. Your neck cranes to get a good look at him, but god, you wouldn’t mind if it got stuck in that position. His face… perfectly sculpted yet so soft. His hair, dark as night, curled around the pale complexion of his almost moon-colored skin. The two little moles that adorn his forehead are like constellations.
Perhaps you romanticize him too much.
Your heart stops in your chest every single time you see him. “H- hi, Sakusa-san!”
In your mind, he stops and looks at you for a second. He gives you a smile he gives no one else, bows his head, maybe even says a hello. In a perfect world, he’ll come and put his hand beneath your chin and whisper that you’re the one, you’ve always been the one.
But instead, he merely glances at you before continuing his way into the gym, pulling his mask tighter on his face and scrunching his shoulders.
You settle back into your chair, smiling in an effort to either trick yourself or not make yourself look like a fool. He’s so dreamy, you whisper to yourself. Sakusa Kiyoomi… even his name is just beautiful--
“Hey!” Rattles Atsumu. “What’s got you lookin’ like that?”
“Hmm?” You raise your eyes, blinking to snap yourself out of your tizzy. “Like what? I’m fine! Just… um… doing paperwork.”
“What a cute little secretary y’are!” He leans over your desk. “Always doin’ the most for us! Why don’t we repay ya?”
“I’m…” you don’t even acknowledge the fact that he could be flirting with you, because… who would flirt with you? “I’m just a secretary, Miya-san.”
“How many times have I got to tell ya?” He shakes his head. Bokuto, Hinata and Meian make their way into the building behind him. “Just call me Atsumu--”
“Are you harassing our secretary again?” Meian grabs Atsumu by the collar. “I’m surprised she hasn’t quit already.”
“It’s no big deal, Meian-san!” You laugh. “I enjoy working here with all of you.”
“I’m glad.” He bows, still trying to pull Atsumu along. “We are going to go out for drinks after practice if you would like to join us.”
“Hey! I was gonna ask her that!” Atsumu dangles in Meian’s hold.
“Oh yeah, you should definitely come!” Hinata jumps into the scene. “We’re all going! Me, Bokuto-san, Atsumu, and even Sakusa-sa--”
“I’ll join you!” You stand from your chair to bow. “Thank you for inviting me.”
Once they’re gone, the fantasy plays in your head.
You and Sakusa talk all night while the others party. You learn more about him; stuff you already know but he doesn’t know that you know. You tell him a very clean story about your life, about how you just love volleyball and cleanliness and masks… and he takes you to his apartment.
The thought of what might ensue at his apartment-- if this situation even happens at all-- makes your thighs press together beneath your skirt. You smile, face burning hot. You’re glad you’re alone in the foyer. You’re glad you’re alone to dream up every possible scenario of what could happen tonight.
But like always, things never go exactly as the thousands of ways you’ve planned.
You’re sat between Atsumu and Meian, across from Sakusa, much to your dismay. The bar is rather loud, so you’d feel rude to try and shout across the table to try and get his attention. Plus, you’re too nervous to speak up. You can only fiddle with your fingers.
“You want something to drink?” Meian asks.
“You don’t want a beer or something?”
“Um… I don’t drink usually.”
“C’mon!” Atsumu’s voice is in your other ear. “Just one? I’ll buy it!”
You look over at Sakusa. He’s not paying attention, just on his phone.
And so now you stir your drink, in between a loud conversation about volleyball rivals and connections. You bring your eyes up to look at Sakusa from across the table every once in a while. You can imagine what it would look like if his eyes were on you, but he is always looking the other way.
You look back down, taking a sip of your own drink. It doesn’t taste good.
“So!” Atsumu leans down to talk to you. “What d’ya usually do after work?”
You cringe at the brashness of his voice. Sakusa’s is much softer. At least you think it is.
“Um… go home.”
“Ah!” He nods. “Nice. Usually I go out with the boys! Or I go home too.”
You do your own share of nodding, inhaling a sip of your drink. You cough, eyes watering as the alcohol infiltrates your lungs. This catches the attention of the entire table, sending you into even more of a panic. You hide your face in your elbow, trying to expel the liquid.
“You okay?” Atsumu pats your back. “Hey, you okay?”
The burn of everyone’s eyes on you is worse than the one in your throat and lungs. You wave your hand, trying to say you’re fine, but the coughing continues. Tears fall from your eyes… from the coughing of course. Your nose starts to drip… from the coughing of course.
And once it stops, you raise your face, seeing Sakusa’s eyes on you. The expression on his face is indescribable. You try to forget it so that you don’t have to think about it any longer.
You grope the table for a napkin, bringing it to your face and wiping the snot from your nose and the tears from your eyes.
“You okay?” A few voices ask, not Sakusa’s.
“Yeah, just- just choked on my drink.” You laugh, tears still in your eyes. “Sorry.”
The voices murmur and then go back to their conversation. Your face burns. You try to blink the look of disgust out from beneath your eyelids.
“You sure you’re okay?” Atsumu is there again.
“Yeah!” The word is practiced. “Yeah, I’m fine! Just got… um… my throat is sore.”
Instead of a drink in your hand, now you have water. It soothes a bit of the itch.
“Holy fuck!” Bokuto suddenly roars, and you nearly choke again. “This is my fucking song!”
“I love this song, too!” Hinata chimes in.
“You guys know this song?” Atsumu quirks a brow.
“You guys wanna go dance?” Meian chuckles, tilting his head to the dance floor.
“Yeah!” Bokuto and Hinata push out from the booth. You’re pretty sure Hinata jumped the table. Meian follows; to supervise if anything.
You stand so Atsumu can get out from the booth to join them.
“You not coming, Omi-Omi?”
Sakusa shoots him a look.
“As I thought.” Atsumu adjusts himself and looks back at you. “You comin’?”
“Oh, no…” you shake your head. “I don’t dance.”
“C’mon, you’ll have fun!”
“I’ll stay here… with, um, Sakusa-san.” You give him a hopeful glance. He’s on his phone again.
“Suit yourself. We’ll be back.”
You sit back down, watching the boys. As soon as they are far away enough, you turn back to Sakusa. He drinks from his bottle.
“I--” you start. “I didn’t think you were the drinking type.”
“Why’s that?” He doesn’t quite look at you while he talks.
“Well…” your face heats up. “Since you’re so healthy and- and all.”
He doesn’t answer, finishing the last of his drink. His eyes look over towards the bar. “I’m gonna get another drink.”
“O- okay, Sakusa-san!” You perk up, forcing a smile and nodding.
He doesn’t acknowledge it, just getting up and swaying to the bar.
“Okay…” you whisper to yourself, keeping the smile up. Once he gets back, I’ll say something really interesting! I’ll… maybe I’ll call him by his first name instead! We are acquainted, aren’t we?
You wait, staring at the spot where he once was. The whole booth is empty, save for you. Once Sakusa-san gets back, though, once he gets back…
What’s taking him so long?
Slowly, nearly mechanically, you look over your shoulder and to the bar. You don’t see Sakusa-san where you think you’d see him. The smile leaves your face, and you search the bartop for him… he’s not hard to miss. Did he…?
You see him on the other side of the bar, leaning over the counter and smiling… at another girl.
It’s only a split second you take to look her over before you force yourself to look away, screwing your eyes shut. She… she was really pretty. Her clothes were really cute and… trendy, you suppose. Her makeup was done all nice and perfect. Her hair was beautiful, she was… she was beautiful.
You feel a splinter of resentment. But it’s not her fault, you tell yourself. It’s not hers or- or Sakusa’s fault--
Of course it’s not. It’s yours.
You just had to be ugly. You’re wearing office clothes for god’s sake. You don’t know how to put your makeup on right, you don’t really like your hair, you don’t really like the way you look… so why… how could you ever believe that Sakusa would want you compared to her?
In a matter of seconds the facade… your resolve is breaking down.
“Hey!” A cheery voice calls for you. “Hey, wait, are you okay?”
You look over, suddenly feeling the tears roll down your face. Fuck, are you crying? This is so pathetic, you’re so pathetic… you’re so fucking insecure that you can’t even handle this. Maybe this was never about Sakusa, maybe this was about you. Maybe you’re just so fucking pathetic--
“I’m- I’m fine.” You try to force the smile, but you end up crying more. “I should… I should have never come with you guys.”
“What?” Atsumu crouches in front of you. “No, no. What’s wrong, beautiful?”
The word is like a punch in the stomach because… because that can’t be true. He must be lying. He just wants to get in your pants. He doesn’t care about you because no one cares about you. Men only care about one thing and Atsumu must be desperate if he wants to fuck some ugly girl like you.
You stand, making Atsumu stagger on his already drunk legs.
“I have to go.” You announce to no one in particular. It’s just the nice thing to say and god forbid you’re not nice because you don’t have much else going for you. “Thank you for inviting me.”
You find yourself stumbling on your way out. One second you’re in the restaurant and the next you’re in the cold streets. It’s dark. You left your coat in the restaurant but there’s no way in hell you’re going back now.
Tears stream freely down your cheeks, the image of Sakusa and some other girl forcing bile up your throat. He’s not even yours, he’s not even yours, you’re not sure if it’s all in your head or if you’re actually voicing the words. Why do I feel like this?
You trip over the sidewalk, nearly face planting into ground. You feel your legs scrape the surface, ankle twisting and falling out of your flat. The physical pain makes you cry more, crumpled in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of the night.
It feels like this will never end. You should have just stayed at your little desk, dreaming and desperately hoping that he loves you back.
“Stupid!” You yell at yourself, feeling the insides of your wrists burn. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
Your face falls into your hands, smearing tears and snot. Your ankle throbs a bit, as well as the other injured areas, but you can’t find yourself to think about them. You’re already hurting inside.
Even with everything that has happened, the fantasy comes into mind.
Sakusa noticed that you ran out crying. He tells the girl sorry, and chases after you. He’ll be here soon, hand on your shoulder and making you look at him, concern in his eyes…
But when you try to picture his face, you can only see the disgusted look he made towards you.
You try to get up, to tear yourself further away from the point of incidence, but you hiss as soon as you put pressure on your bad ankle. You crumple once again, landing on your palms. Your head comes down, feeling the coolness radiate from the concrete.
Yet, you try again, because you’re nothing if not persistent. You fall again. And again. And again.
“Hey! There you are!”
In a perfect world, the voice is dark and clean. In this world, it’s sweet and sultry.
“Holy shit, you okay?” You can barely see him in the dark, but you can tell by the voice that it’s Atsumu. “Let’s get up, okay? I brought yer jacket.”
You’ve stopped crying a bit. You’re deadweight as he pulls you up, only making a noise when you put pressure on the ankle you’ve hurt.
“That hurts?” Atsumu adjusts, tilting you onto your other foot. “Better?”
“Good. Here…” he sweeps your jacket over your shoulders. “Yer freezin’! Let’s put yer arms through.”
You stand there like a dumb child while he helps you put it on.
“Good! Hope it’s not backwards or anythin’... alright… let’s get back--”
You grab his arm, shaking your head. “Wanna go home.”
“You wanna go home?” He blinks.
“M’kay… you live far from here?”
You point in the direction you think you live.
“Y’mind if we go to my place? I live pretty close. I don’t want ya puttin’ too much weight on that ankle there.”
You don’t say anything, but he starts leading you in the direction opposite of where you pointed. He holds you up while you limp along, falling into a dream.
In the dream, Sakusa did chase after you. He sees Atsumu dragging you like this and becomes jealous, realizing his true feelings for you. He grabs you, there’s an altercation, and you have to beg them to stop fighting. You don’t want to choose between the two of them.
This fantasy has happened several times before, but you don’t remember feeling like you had to make a choice. It was always obvious… you would choose Sakusa. Now you’re not too sure.
It’s not like it matters anyways, it’s not like either of them want you like that. They have a plethora of girls to choose from anyways. Why would they want you? Atsumu has had plenty of girlfriends… so many that have snuck into the gym after hours while you were still sitting at your desk.
They were all pretty and petite and--
“Home sweet home!”
The lights of his penthouse turn on, revealing a rather modern flat. You blink. He must have some sort of housekeeper… it’s so nice. Your apartment is probably the size of his bathroom. You’re not sure if that means your apartment is big or small.
“Alright, let’s sit ya down.” He drapes you over his couch. “I got some stuff in the bathroom… don’t know how many times have had to wrap myself for a swollen ankle… don’t tell Coach that.”
You sit there as he scurries away. You look around, trying to push away the feeling that you’ve ruined your life in a matter of moments. You like the fuzzy feeling of oblivion.
“I’ll be honest, my brother was always better at wrappin’ ankles than I was…” Atsumu crouches before you. In his hand he has some tape bandage and a bag of cold peas.
Your mouth opens, but you can barely speak what you want to say.
“What was that?” He looks up, readying his supplies.
You cough a bit. “You have a brother?”
He smiles. “Twin brother.”
You blink. “I didn’t know that.”
“There’s a lot ya don’t know ‘bout me.” He laughs a bit, grabbing your ankle.
You hiss, flinching at his touch.
“Sorry. Trust me here.”
You let him place the frozen package on the brunt of your injury. It hurts, weighing down your limb before he wraps the tape around your skin. You watch, teeth clenched as you feel the soreness spread.
“Sorry… there we go.” He pulls off, and takes pride in his workmanship. “Better than I thought.”
You blink. “Thank you.”
He shrugs, falling into the spot beside you. “So… you wanna tell me what got you s’upset?”
The disgusted expression of Sakusa rebrands your mind. Tears fill your eyes once again.
You want to say no, but you also want to let all of it go in a flurry of words. You teeter on the edge.
“You don’t have t’say,” he says, but you know he wants to know.
“Um…” your voice breaks.
“Hey, don’t cry…” but you already are. “It’s okay, you--”
“Sakusa-san,” you cry. “He was with some girl and he- and he- and he looked at me like I was some- some embarrassment and I- I- I--”
“Hold on.” He blinks. “You and Sakusa are…?”
“No!” You nearly yell. “I… it’s pathetic… he doesn’t want anything to do- do- do with me.”
Your face heats up and your heart clenches. It’s embarrassing… you’re an adult; adults don’t have crushes, they have sex and affairs, they have everything figured out and you don’t. You probably sound and look like the most pathetic girl in the world.
Atsumu shifts, biting his lip. “You wan’ a drink?”
You felt buzzed just by the one drink from the bar, but you indulge him. You probably drink more than you can handle, but anything is better than having to think about it too hard.
“And… And…” you laugh a bit, downing more of the fiery liquid. “And he just doesn’t even care.”
“That’s Omi-Omi for ya.” Atsumu drinks straight from the bottle. “You wan’ more?”
“Mhm!” You hold out your little cup, letting him pour it in. “Thanks, Tsu- Tsumu.”
You look over at him, not having noticed that he removed his jacket, only dressed in a form fitting shirt and sweatpants. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe you’re just vulnerable, but something flames inside of you.
“Take a picture.” Pronounced pit-cher. “It’ll last ya longer.”
“Hmm?” Your face flushes. “I wasn’t looking.”
“Yeah ya were.” He grins, finishing off the bottle. “Totally checkin’ me out.”
“Look, baby…” he turns his body to face you. Your eyes zero in on how the shirt clings to his trim body. “I know yer whatever with Omi-Omi… but… maybe ya need someone to take ‘im off yer mind.”
The mention of Sakusa makes your heart clench faintly in your chest.
“And I don’t mind being that guy.” Atsumu leans towards you, stopping before he can get too close. “Let me just say that I’ll fuck you better than Omi-Omi could ever think of. Guy’s probably a huge virgin.”
You laugh a bit before looking him in the eye. Atsumu is good-looking; you can’t deny that. He’s always been nice to you, never treated you badly… your heart belongs somewhere else, but your body doesn’t.
It moves on its own, scooting towards him, trying to close the space. Your lips feel heavy with desire, thighs clenching together beneath your skirt, and skin hot to the touch. Although your heart aches from sadness, your body aches from lust.
“You wanna kiss?”
“Mhm.” You hum dumbly. It’s been so long since you’ve felt someone’s lips on yours… so long since you’ve felt wanted by someone… by a man. “Please.”
His hand splays over your cheek, holding tenderly. “Please? You’re such a good girl.”
It’s all you’ve ever wanted to be. You’re about to say it, but Atsumu grants your wish, placing a kiss on your lips. It’s sweet only for a second before it turns into something ravenous; you pulling him closer in disparity while he latches onto you like a leech.
His muscles ripple under your fingers as you cling onto his shoulders. Both of his hands cradle your face, controlling the rate at which your teeth crash into each other and tongues lock. It’s hot and messy, much like the both of you, but you can’t find yourself to care. Your brain is in overdrive, feeling doped up from the alcohol and attention. It feels good. You want more.
“Atsumu,” you moan into his mouth.
“Fuck.” He hisses, pulling away from you. “Yer voice is s’much hotter when it’s moanin’ my name.”
You seize the opportunity to reach for the hem of his shirt, hungry to see more of him. He follows your movements, removing the garment and revealing his torso to you. Your hands reach to run over his skin, feeling every working muscle. He grins.
You nod, eyes dark with lust. His fingers seem practiced as they pull apart the buttons of your blouse, forcing it off and revealing your bra. His mouth latches onto your neck, and you don’t have the room to think about marks. If anything, you welcome it; leaning your neck to the side and letting him have more to bite on.
Sloppily, your hands come to your back, unlatching your bra and letting your breasts be free. You push it off you, letting Atsumu take a look at your bare chest. You laugh out a moan as his firm hands grope your breasts, squeezing and pulling. Your hands fall at your sides, puffing your chest out and letting him pay attention to your tits.
“Mm.” Your legs wrap around him, pathetically humping at him. “Atsumu…”
“Fuck, you’re so hot.” His eyes are nearly wild. “Wanna play with your tits all day.”
“Atsumuuuuuuuuu!” You whine, still doing something akin to grinding on him. “Please.”
He gives your breasts one last squeeze before moving down your body, grabbing at your hips and pushing them down onto the sofa. Your legs fall on either side of him as he pushes your skirt up, taking a look at your panties.
“Such a pretty baby…” he hums, pushing deft fingers against your clothed cunt. “I wanna eat ya out.”
You huff, lifting your hips up and pulling down at your panties, eager to have your desire satiated. Atsumu helps pull your underwear down the rest of your day, watching your legs spread and show off your pussy for him.
He settles himself between your legs, arms wrapping around your thighs and shoving his face into your heat. Immediately your hips thrust up as he makes out with your lower set of lips. A finger finds itself inside of your mouth, and you suck and moan lazily, circling your hips into Atsumu’s face.
The sounds of wet sucking only get you off more, his eyes looking up every so often to watch your face. When he adds a few fingers, you can’t help but squirm, feeling your release dangerously close.
“Tsu- Tsumu…” you slur his name. “Atsumu! Feels good…”
He hums into your cunt, lapping at your clit while his fingers work inside of you. Your eyes roll in your head, legs shaking around him.
“Gonna cum, Tsumu!” You cry. “Gonna cum, gonna cum gonna cum--”
With a few strokes of his fingers you’re gone, thrown off the edge and into oblivion. Your eyes screw shut and your body scrunches up as he delivers you the ultimate pleasure. Tears blossom in your eyes and you whimper as he pushes you through.
Once he’s done, his mouth is on you again… well on your face, to be exact. He kisses sloppily at you, whispering things that you can’t quite catch save for good… so good… you think maybe it’s praise. It’s only then you realize you’re crying.
“Think you can do one more?” He whispers directly into your ear. “Let me fuck you?”
“Y- yeah.” Your voice is a bit scratchy; hoarse. “Fuck me, please.”
“Good girl.” He wipes away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Let’s take the rest of these clothes off.”
He pulls your skirt off your hips rather gently, whereas he yanks his sweatpants off of himself (as well as his boxers). Your chest rises and falls heavily as you look at his cock; big, hard and throbbing. Your pussy drools for its attention.
Atsumu settles himself between your legs, using his thumbs to pull your cunny lips apart. You and him both watch in anticipation as he maneuvers his hips to slide himself inside of you. He watches your face as he presses himself as far as he can go, your jaw falling open and huffing breaths.
His hands move to grab your legs, pulling them together and up as he’s buried inside of you. Your back arches at the change, looking up at him between your ankles-- one of them wrapped in lukewarm vegetables-- whilst he begins thrusting.
“Feels good, baby?” His face is lewd, from the redness in his cheeks to the look in his eyes. “My cock feel good inside you?”
“Uh-huh,” you whine, unable to form real words. You like the way your feet dangle over his shoulders, but like even more the way the head of his cock meets with your cervix and stuffs you full.
“Yeah? Yeah?” He mimics the keen in your voice, but it does everything to make you even wetter. “You like that?”
You nod your head, forcing your finger between your teeth, only for it to be pulled away.
“If you wan’ somethin’ in your mouth, I’ll give it to ya.”
He pushes your legs further against your body, effectively stretching you. One arm wraps around both of your legs while the other forces his middle and ring finger inside of your mouth. You drool around them, becoming a mess rather quickly.
“So fuckin’ hot, baby…” he grins, pumping into you. “I’ll let ya know now that I’m a better fuck than that bitch’ll ever be.”
His image flashes in your mind, but it’s quickly overwhelmed by the existence of Atsumu, around you, inside you…
“So when ya go home ‘n touch yourself… you think of me… not ‘im.”
The memory of having your fingers inside you while you moan his name flashes in your mind, but it’s quickly pushed out by Atsumu going in.
“Don’t think about him anymore, think of me.”
The breath is nearly knocked out of you as his fingertips reach into your throat, almost if he’s going to pull your heart straight out. Your eyes lock, and something unspoken happens; what it is, you’re not quite sure. Yet, it sends you straight over the edge.
“A-u-mu!” You call out around his fingers, throat and cunt clenching.
He watches with dark eyes as you lose it over him, whole entire body breaking down beneath his hold. He presses his fingers a tad deeper, spearing your throat and making you gag before he pulls them out with strands of saliva following. It’s all one fluid motion as he slams his hands on either side of your head and folds your legs over your chest, fucking you harder than anyone ever has before.
You choke on the breath he breathes into you, drowning in the pleasure he bestows on you. A part of you hopes you’re doing a good job, hopes that you’re making him feel as good as he makes you feel. You want to be a good girl, you want to be a good girl.
“You want me to cum, bunny?” He says in his sweet, airy voice. “You want me to cum inside your little bunny pussy?”
You nod, up and down up and down, almost wagging your head and panting. The pet name makes you heat up, cheeks burn and heart thump in your chest. He smiles like he knows exactly what he’s doing to you. You’re sure he does.
“Pretty bunny,” he whispers. “You’re gonna make me cum.”
“Please.” Your tears are cool against the fire that is your face. “Please cum in me.”
His lips latch onto yours, even messier than before. He pants and groans into your mouth as he empties himself inside of you, filling you up with his thick cum. You blink up at him, still heaving for breath as he does.
You feel more drunk than before.
I love the song Pretty boy by the neighborhood and I think of Timothy
what a beautiful song! i hope you like it<3333
send me a song and i’ll write a fic!
you’ve had a shitty day.
first, you woke up late. normally, it wouldn’t be so much of a problem because timothee was good at waking you if you were awake on time, but he had an early meeting and had needed to leave extra early. you don’t blame him, how could you? but it makes for a rushed and stressful morning, something you personally hate. you didn’t have time for coffee or tea, and you couldn’t stop by the local shop because the line was too long. you were pleased to see that they’re doing good business, though.
your boss screwed up and decided that it was, conveniently, all your fault. you wouldn’t of minded taking the blame if it had been something remotely related to your department, but it hadn’t been and you had to bear the worst of his yelling. to top it off, he had yelled at you in front of everyone, snapping when you asked him if there was something you could help with.
all of that was before lunch, which you realized too late that you had left at home. you didn’t have time again to go pick something up, so you ate an apple from the break room and a bag of stale chips from the vending machine. not great, and even worse because it had been freezing in the office all day.
you got water splashed on you walking home, your phone decided it was a good time to update and you can’t use it, and your feet hurt.
you’re just happy to be home at this point, even though you’re stuck in the kitchen doing all the dishes that you two have been putting off for most of the week.
you’re immersed in self-pity and dish washing, so you don’t hear timothee when he comes through the front door.
“rough day?” he asks, coming behind you and wrapping you in his arms. you can see his reflection on the white tiles, and that alone is enough to make you smile.
“feels like the world is falling apart around me,” you admit, leaning back into him. “but you always make my day better.”
“i try,” he says with a smile, burrowing his head in your neck. “i’d be happy to be by your side of the world was ending, though.”
“come on, i’ll finish this later. we can watch your favorite movie. i’ll make popcorn, and we have mnms.”
“that sounds great, but i really have to do this. then i have some work to finish up, because i spent a lot of my day at work crying.”
you can hear the frown in his voice. “you need to take a break.”
“no. i can’t. if i do then i’ll be so behind, and then-“ you break off with a choked sob.
“love,” he says, a sentence and meaning all in one word. “come on. i’ll do those for you later, and if your boss gives you shit tomorrow he’ll have me to deal with too, okay? you need to take care of yourself. it looks like your world is going crazy right now, so i’m going to be here for you as long as you need me and will have me.
now, i’m going to finish these while you go take a long shower and put on some comfortable clothes. do whatever you need to do, baby, okay? don’t worry about me waiting for you, cause i’m going to be here all night., and then we can talk about whatever you want and you can cry if you need to.” you nod slowly, holding onto him a little while longer then going to do just what he said.
you decide to treat yourself in the shower, using the special soaps that smells like fresh strawberries. if you’re going to cry all night you might as well sleep good.
once you’re out, you steal one of timothee’s shirts and put on a threadbare pair of sweats.
true to his word, the dishes are put away and the kitchen is neat. he’s sitting on the couch, your favorite blankets laid out and the aroma of your favorite candle from its place on the table is calming.
“hey, pretty boy,” you say softly. his sunshine smile makes you feel better and like crying more simultaneously.
“hi, lovely. you feeling better?”
“i am now. thank you,” you say earnestly.
“nothing to thank. i just did what i could to make you feel okay again. i’m guessing you want to watch a movie?” he asks.
“you know me so well.”
“happy or sad?” you consider your options. sad movies somehow revertly make you feel happy at the end. happy movies do too, but in a more superficial way.
“sad. you choose a good one.”
“a movie night for the end of the world.” he says, inviting you under the blankets and kissing the side of your head.
This is a challenge for anyone who enjoys reading and wants to read more in 2021!
If you would like to participate in the challenge, please use the tags #2021readingchallenge and #2021bookclub so that I and other participants can easily see your posts and reblog as much as we can!
If you want to do the challenge, you don’t have to follow me or anything but a reblog would be nice (in order to spread the post)
These are weekly prompts for every week of 2021. Each week starts with Monday. You can post on any day of the week.
There are two questions per week. You can answer them either in seperate posts or in the same post. Or you can choose to answer only one.
This challenge starts on the first week of 2021, but if you see this post later, you can start anytime!
If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message or an ask!
Read more for questions
What is the first book that you are reading in 2021?
Do you have a reading goal this year? How many books do you plan to read?
Which feminist books do you recommend?
Do you have a favorite book series?
Which book(s) have you re-read the most?
Would you call yourself a bookworm?
Which book ended in a completely different way than you thought?
Do you prefer fiction or nonfiction?
If the book that you are currently reading had a different title, what would it be?
Do you like going to the library?
Pick a song that matches the mood of the book that you are currently reading.
What are your favorite genres?
What are you currently reading? Why did you choose to read this?
Do you always finish the book, even if you do not like it?
Think about the last book you read. Would you write a different ending?
Do you write reviews after reading?
What is your favorite quote from the book you are currently reading so far?
If you could live in a book, which book would you choose?
What are you currently reading? Would you recommend this book to a friend?
Do you prefer paperback or hardcover? Why?
What are you currently reading? How do you feel reading this book?
Do you lend your books to your friends?
What are you currently reading? Do you like the book cover?
Do you use bookmarks?
What is your favorite book cover ever?
Do you take notes while reading?
Who are your top three favorite protagonists?
What was your favorite book as a child?
What is your all-time favorite poem?
Is there a book that you absolutely hate?
Tell us about a book you have a deep emotional connection with.
Can you read with background noise?
What is that one book that you’ve been wanting to read for a long time but haven't for any reason?
Do you like reading thrillers? Do you have a favorite?
If you'd give a color palette to the book you read what would it be?
Do you have a Goodreads account? Would you like to share it?
Think about the book that you’re reading. If you gave this book as a gift to someone, who would it be and why?
Do you enjoy audiobooks?
Think about the last book you read. What value did you get from this book?
What are the 3 books that make you really happy?
Think about the last book you read. Did this book teach you a lesson that you will implement in your life?
What is your favorite short story?
What are your top 3 favorite novels?
Do you read biographies? Do you have a favorite?
Think about the book that you are currently reading. Pick a character that would survive a horror movie and tell us why.
Have you ever read a banned book? Which one?
If you'd associate a dish with the book that you’re reading, what would it be?
Do you prefer physical books or ebooks?
In the book that you are currently reading, which character is underrated?
Which one is overrated?
What are some non-English books you’d love to share?
What book(s) did you read in one sitting?
What's your favorite quote from a book you've read lately?
Is there an author that you absolutely hate?
Share a first line that's so funny/horrible/well-written it's memorable.
Which book do you have a love/hate relationship with?
What's a book that you think is brilliantly titled?
Are you a poet/writer yourself?
Do you think that fanfiction is a valid form of literature?
Do you like discussing about books with your family, friends, etc.?
Do you like non-fiction? Which non-fiction genre do you like reading the most?
How do you organize your bookshelf?
Have you ever gotten really into an assigned reading for school? (fiction or nonfiction)
Do you like reading romances? Do you have a favorite?
Have you ever read a book with a side character you think deserved to be the main character? If so, who was it?
What is your favorite memory with a book or story?
What is the one book you think one should at least read once in life?
What is the one book you would never recommend to anyone?
What book got you into reading?
Do you like detective novels? Do you have a favorite?
Can you remember the first book you’ve read? What was it?
What was the most surprising thing you learned from a non-fiction book?
What is your favorite book written in your native language?
Think about the book that you’re currently reading. Would you like to be a character in this story?
What is your favorite book written in a language except from your native language?
Who is your favorite couple from a romance book?
Have you ever had a truly awful experience with a book? What was it?
Who is your least favorite character in the book that you are currently reading?
Can you separate the book from its author?
Think about the book that you are currently reading. Would it make a good movie?
What book do you find worse than its movie adaptation? (If there is any)
Think about the book that you are currently reading. Did you like it immediately or did it take some time for you to get used to it?
What book made you cry many times?
Do you take a look at the reviews of a book before/after reading?
Who is your favorite villain?
Think of all the books you’ve read. Which character would you like to be friends with?
Would you read a fanfiction about the characters of the book that you are currently reading?
If you were to add a character, story, scene to the book that you’re reading, what would it be?
What are the 10 books you would take with you if you ended up on a stranded island?
Do you like rereading? Why/why not?
Who are your top 3 favorite authors/poets?
Do you read with your friends or family? Or do you like reading alone?
Do you have a favorite place to read?
Do you read any self-help books?
Do you snack while reading? What do you eat/drink?
Do you like reading on a hot summer day or a cold winter day?
What was your favorite fairytale as a child?
What is your favorite fairytale now?
Which author would like to meet?
What would you ask them?
What is your favorite classic that you have read this year?
Do you read theatre plays? Do you have a favorite?
This year, were you able to read books from authors with different nationalities/sexualities/identities?
What is the best book of the year for you?
𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑚𝑒 - 𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛
pairing: Jaehyun x reader
summary: After your break up with Jaehyun, you were always on his mind. It’s been almost two years and he missed you so much, it was torture being without you. Nobody loved him like you did and no matter how much he tried to get you off his mind, he only wanted you. Every night a different woman in his bed but he always imagined you. Jaehyun wanted you back but were you ready to face him?
song: feel me - Selena Gomez
genre: angst, exes-to-lovers!au
warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing, alcohol consumption, mention of sex
word count: 3,7k
A/N: this is part two of lose you to love me I hope you like this, I literally wrote this in five hours lmao, have fun reading and don’t forget to listen to feel me by Selena Gomez!
taglist: @fluffyjaes @m1na4u @cosmiclatte28
© tyongxnct on all platforms
No one love you like I love ya
Never cheat, never lie
Never put no one above ya
I gave you space and time
And now you're telling me you miss it
And I'm still on your mind
We were one in a million
And love is hard to find
Do you stay up late, just so you don't dream?
“Hey buddy. Are you ready to go home?”
Johnny looked at his friend with worry in his eyes. “Let’s stay a little longer. Please Johnny.” Jaehyun begged Johnny. He needs the distraction. He needs the alcohol to feel numb, the pain he feels is slowly killing him.
“Come on, it’s late. You need some sleep buddy.”
“N-No Johnny please- I don’t want to go.” Jaehyun mumbled.
“You can go home if you want. I’m going to stay. I don’t want to be alone.”
Jaehyun and his wife, his ex-wife now, divorced almost three months ago, about five months after their wedding. Jaehyun met her one night at the club and she wrapped him around her finger and one night became many sleepless nights together. He should be with you, his girlfriend, but the woman in his arms was someone else and after spending so much time with her, he was confused and thought that he fell in love with her.
Breaking up with you wasn’t an option, he was still in love with you, he was just bored after spending years with you and he wanted something new, something exciting and cheating behind your back was the only way he could feel the thrill.
Jaehyun really wanted to marry you, but not while he was cheating and he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop secretly meeting her and talking to her when you were sleeping. Jaehyun didn’t want to let go of that thrilling feeling and whenever you talked about marriage, he feared loosing the excitement he felt when he was with her and not with you. But Jaehyun never thought that the option of you leaving him was there. He never thought about how you felt and how he treated you. Jaehyun thought you’d stay with him forever, no matter how long it would take him to breakup with her and marry you.
You were always there and when you told him that you want to breakup, he didn’t know what to feel or what to do. Should he stop you from leaving? Should he break up with her and just marry you?
After you left he spend more and more time with her and when he did the mistake of asking her to marry him while he was totally wasted, she agreed and it didn’t take long for them to say yes.
Jaehyun did many drunk mistakes in his life and he slowly realized that everything leads back to her, his ex-wife. Your relationship was destroyed because he cheated on you with her, your relationship was destroyed because he told himself that he wanted her and not you, your relationship was destroyed because he couldn’t stop his affair and his relationship was destroyed because he let you go to be with her.
Jaehyun realized while he was married, that every decision he had made was wrong. Everything he did to push you away was wrong. The thrill he always felt was wrong. The excitement he felt when he was with her was wrong, everything turned upside down and he regrets chasing that weird feeling he felt when he first met her. He regrets letting her in and letting you go. The love of his life.
How could he? How could he do that to you? How could he destroy the best thing that had happened to him?
After the divorce, Jaehyun felt lonelier than ever, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know that the missing puzzle piece was you and that it was always you he needed and loved.
He didn’t know that you were the one his heart longed for, but after seeing you one night with your friends at a bar, after seeing you smile so happily, he realized that the missing piece was you. Jaehyun realized how lonely he was because you weren’t there, because he didn’t see your face and that beautiful smile you have.
Jaehyun’s chest tightened and he left the bar before you could see him. Jaehyun was ashamed, he couldn’t face you after everything he did to you.
Jaehyun missed you every passing day more and more. He was thinking about you and every time he remembered the way you looked at him when you broke up with him, he found himself crying and suffering because you didn’t deserve any of that. You didn’t deserve to be treated like how he treated you. You were everything and so much more.
Jaehyun regrets leaving you alone all the time and the one time he asked you to stay longer at Yuna’s makes him so mad, because back then, he missed you so much but he ignored the feeling until you left him forever.
“Dude, come on-“
“Seems like your friend doesn’t want to go home yet.”
Jaehyun and Johnny looked at the person talking. A pretty woman, her body barely covered, and the look in her eyes was enough for Jaehyun to stay and not go home.
“Don’t worry, I can keep an eye on him for you.” She winked and Johnny looked at Jaehyun who was so drunk that he didn’t mind staying with her.
“I don’t think-“
“Go home Johnny. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jaehyun turned away from Johnny to the woman and next thing he knew was how she sucked his dick in her bed.
Jaehyun couldn’t sleep at nights, whenever he closed his eyes he saw you and you followed him in his dreams. The painful look in your eyes was burned in his mind and every dream was about you and losing you. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to wake up from another dream.
Do you stay up late, just so you don't dream?
Every time your lips touch another
I want you to feel me
I want you to feel me
Every time you dance with somebody
I want you to feel me
I want you to feel me
Jaehyun spend nights with many different women under him. He tried to replace you, he tried to keep you off of his mind, but he failed every time.
He closed his eyes and pressed his lips on hers, he didn’t even remember her name but he also didn’t care. Jaehyun imagined you under him, he imagined your lips kissing him and your hands on his chest. Jaehyun’s favorite position was fucking from behind so he wouldn’t see their faces when he fucked them.
“F-Fuck Jaehyun.” She moaned when he sucked her neck and slowly fingered her.
“Don’t talk or I’ll stop.” He mumbled as he kissed her again to shut her up.
Jaehyun always told them to stop talking so he could imagine it was you he was fucking. Sometimes, your name slipped his lips but he didn’t care. If this is the only way he could feel you again, he wouldn’t stop.
Do your days get a little bit longer?
Nights get a little bit colder?
Heartbeat a little bit louder?
His friends were worried. Especially Johnny, his best friend.
Jaehyun would spend all of his free time in clubs and bars and drink until he couldn’t even walk properly. With no sleep, his days got longer and he felt stuck. Jaehyun felt like he was stuck and there was no escape. Every day was the same but the pain in his heart got worse and worse.
He was so drunk, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he thought he was going to die. Jaehyun really thought that it was the end of everything. The end of his suffering and the pain and the end of your story.
But when he woke up in the hospital, he knew that it wasn’t over. He still needs to suffer because you were also suffering for so long. Jaehyun knew that he needed to suffer more than you did, he knew he deserved all of this.
“Finally awake huh?” Johnny said.
Jaehyun looked to his left and saw Johnny sitting on the chair next to the bed.
“What happened?” Jaehyun couldn’t remember anything.
“Alcohol poisoning. You’ve been sleeping for three days.”
Jaehyun closed his eyes. His stomach hurt.
“I didn’t see her in my dreams. I didn’t see anything in my dreams. Maybe-“
“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence.” Johnny hissed.
Johnny knew that Jaehyun thought that this was the only way to sleep without dreaming of you.
“No fucking buts, god, Jaehyun. Don’t you see how much you are destroying yourself?!” Johnny said a little louder.
“I deserve this.” Jaehyun whispered.
“No! No one deserves something like this. Okay, we both know you did some dumb shit, but why don’t you talk to her? We both know that she won’t kill you. Grow the fuck up now and face the fucking truth.”
Johnny was right.
Jaehyun is a coward.
He’s fucking scared to make things worse if that’s even possible.
Facing you? How could he do that? He couldn’t even look in the mirror, how could you look at him?
“I know where she lives, Jaehyun. And I can’t keep watching you destroy yourself more and more. Please, go talk to her.”
Jaehyun knew that sooner or later he had to talk to you. He always chose later but things got worse and he needs to do something.
When you're running, who you run to?
Where do you go to hide?
When she ain't giving you enough to get you through the night
Won't be caught up in the middle
Of your highs and your lows
Baby, 'long as you're not with me, you'll always be alone
Do you stay up late, just so you don't dream?
After Jaehyun was released from the hospital, it took him two days to knock on your door.
It’s been months since you saw Jaehyun and when you opened the door, he was the last person you expected to see.
It was silent for almost ten seconds.
Jaehyun’s legs felt like jelly and his eyes got teary. You looked so beautiful, you were glowing. You looked so much healthier and just happier. Jaehyun didn’t know what to say and was so nervous he almost turned around and ran away.
Oh, how he missed to hear his name coming from your mouth.
Hi? Seriously Jaehyun?!, he thought.
“What are you doing here?” you asked.
Jaehyun tried to talk but he was so fucking scared of saying anything wrong that he didn’t talk.
“Jaehyun?” you said his name again.
“I-I wanted to talk… to you… if that’s okay…” Jaehyun scratched his neck awkwardly.
“You want to talk?” you asked, still in shock that he was standing right in front of you.
“What do you want to talk about?” you leaned against your door, arms crossed in front of your chest.
“U-Us?” he said unsure.
“There is no us though?” you said, raising an eyebrow.
“I mean, about y-you and me.” You never saw Jaehyun this nervous.
“What is there to talk about? Oh, congratulations by the way, I heard you got married.” You said sarcastically.
Jaehyun gulped, he looked at you and licked his dry lips. “I-“
“Was it the girl you cheated on me with? Or someone else?”
“Y-you knew?” he thought you didn’t know that he cheated.
“Of course I knew. You really thought I’m a dumb little girl?” you spat.
“N-No never it’s j-just-“
“What? A secret you never wanted me to find out? So tell me Jaehyun, did you marry her?”
Jaehyun looked down and nodded. “I-I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“Did you get her pregnant?” you asked.
“No! I mean, no no it wasn’t like that.” He shook his head.
“So you married her because you loved her?”
“Fuck, I don’t know why I did that, I-I thought that after you broke up that she was the one and I t-think I was scared that she’d leave me too s-so I married her.” He explained but you just laughed at him.
“W-We aren’t together anymore. We got a divorce five months after the wedding.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I just want to e-explain everything and… and I’m sorry. For everything. For everything I did and everything I didn’t do.”
“Come in. I don’t want to disturb my neighbors.” You really wanted to know why he did what he did.
Jaehyun smiled as you let him in.
He looked around your apartment and saw many pictures of you and your friends and family. When he looked at your couch, he saw a little cat sleeping.
“You have a cat?”
“Yes, cats don’t hurt people like humans do.”
Ouch, Jaehyun felt a pang in his chest.
“You can speak.” You said ignoring the look on his face.
“I met her when I was out with the boys, a-and I was drunk and next thing I knew I was in her b-bed and I-I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t stop a-and we were together for so long I thought I needed something… new. It went like this for a year and then your broke up with me and I know that you had every right to do that after how I treated you. I kept the affair a secret because I couldn’t break up with you. I loved you and I wanted to have a family with you, you were my everything b-but I felt like I was stuck with you forever. We were dating for years a-and I needed something new, but I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t stop either. I-I thought I’d stop seeing her one day and we would get married but I-I…” Jaehyun hid his face in his hands as he told you everything. “I-I didn’t want to lose you but in the end you still left me a-and I didn’t want to be alone so I married her and I swear to god I hate myself so much for doing that to you. I hate myself so much for hurting you like that.” He sobbed.
You didn’t say a word.
“T-There’s no one like you. Nobody is enough for me, they’re not y-you and I feel so, so fucking alone without you. My heart hurts and I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do anymore. I need you so much, I miss you a-and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t believe I-I lost someone as perfect and rare as y-you. I love you so much.” He whimpered.
He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and looked at you. Jaehyun’s eyes were bloodshot red and his lips were trembling, just like his hands.
You didn’t know what to say or to do or to think.
“Jaehyun, look. This, all of this is confusing me. And I really don’t know what you want me to say. You broke every promise, my trust, and my heart. You have no idea what I went through. You have absolutely no idea how hurt and broken I was. You’re suffering? You’re missing me? You’re crying because you are sad? How would you feel If you were me. How would you feel If I did that to you? Hm? This is not a game, this is real life, and you made your decisions. Jaehyun, you chose to hurt me. You chose to cheat on me and you chose to marry her. This had nothing to do with me. I loved you. I waited for you and I was always there for you.” Your voice was calm and you didn’t feel the need to cry but Jaehyun on the other hand was still crying and hating himself even more after he heard your words.
Jaehyun stepped closer to you but you didn’t move away and you looked down to the floor.
“D-Do you hate me?” He whispered.
“So you still l-love me.” He hoped you did.
“No… Jaehyun-” you looked up with empty eyes.
This hurt Jaehyun even more. You felt nothing for him. Nothing.
“I love you, Y/n. And I will always love you. P-Please don’t let go of your love for me. Please love me, please- Y/n- please love me again. I can’t live a life without you. I can’t- I just can’t move on. I’ve been trying- I’ve really been trying to move on but it’s impossible. My heart screams for you and only you. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” He hugged you tightly and you just let him, you didn’t know what else to do. “Please y/n. One last chance please. Y-You know what? L-Let’s get married. Right now. Marry me, Y/n. We’ve been waiting so long to get married, let’s do it now- please Y/n- marry me. Be my forever- please.” He cried out.
“No, please no, just think about it. Just you and me. Forever. You and me forever that’s all I want. I’m ready y/n. I’m ready to spend eternity with you please give me one last chance to make things right. Please let me fix this and let me love you again.” Jaehyun cried his heart out as you slowly caressed his back.
“I-I know you still love me. D-deep inside you still love me. We’re meant to be together. Please give me a chance to show you how much I love you. Please marry me.”
“Jaehyun we can’t get married just like that.” You told him.
“B-but,” he let go off you to look at you, his face inches from yours, “So y-you still love me, right?” he looked hopefully at you.
“Jaehyun t-this isn’t as easy as you want this to be! I-I don’t trust you, I don’t know what you want me to say. Let’s forget everything and start over? It’s not working like that, relationships are more than just I love you’s! It took me so long to get back on feet, it took me so long to accept that you did this to us. I always blamed myself, I thought I did something wrong but it was always you. You’re the reason this relationship or whatever that was ended. So, I can’t just get back with you after everything I’ve been through. Not… Not like this.” Maybe it was time for you to cry, too. Tears fell down your eyes, you couldn’t hold them back anymore.
Remembering the pain you felt, the betrayal you felt and how miserable you were, hurt you.
“Jaehyun I was so fucking hurt y-you have no idea, I just wanted to die and n-never wake up.” You were the one sobbing now.
Your body stopped working and you fell in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You heard him say.
“The love of my life married someone else, Jaehyun. You married someone else b-because you d-didn’t want to marry me… You didn’t w-want to marry me. You didn’t want me- y-you didn’t want me.” You repeated the last sentence over and over again and it felt like a knife was stabbed in his heart every time you said that.
Jaehyun held you in his arms as you were both sitting on the floor. This time he caressed your back and tried to clam you down. You bawled your eyes out and you hate to admit that, but you felt safe. You felt safe in Jaehyun’s arms.
“Y-You never l-loved me…” you whimpered.
“T-That’s not true, I always loved you. Do you remember the first time we met? You fell on your butt because we crushed into each other and ever since, I had this huge crush on you and when I asked you to be my girlfriend and you said yes, I was ready to fight the universe for you.”
“B-But y-you didn’t. You fought against m-me.”
If Jaehyun’s heart could break again, it would. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He hates himself, how could he make you feel that way? How could he hurt you so much? How could he break you like this?
Jaehyun wished he could turn back time and change everything. But that was impossible. All he could do was do the right things now, it was his last chance to have a perfect future with you.
“Please. One chance, all I need is one last chance to show you how much I love you. Let me fix this, please. Please let me treat you like how you deserve to be treated. Let me love you until my last day on earth.”
“I-I’m so scared, J-Jaehyun. So scared.” You whispered.
“Don’t be scared. I can’t lose you again- I won’t lose you again. I love you. I’m so in love with you.” Jaehyun pressed you against his chest and kissed your temple.
You looked up to him. His face so close to yours after months. It felt surreal, you couldn’t believe that it was really him, holding you so tightly because he was so scared that you’d slip away.
He wiped your tears with his thumb and leaned in. You closed your eyes and let him, after so many months, kiss you with his soft and warm lips. You could feel how much he longed for you just with a simple kiss. You could taste both of your salty tears in the kiss and neither of you stopped crying.
Allowing Jaehyun back in your life didn’t change anything about you. You were still confident and strong, and you could be confident and strong with Jaehyun, too. Jaehyun would never dare to take that away from you. He would never dare to hurt you and make you feel small or vulnerable. Jaehyun loves you and you slowly let him back into your life. Your breakup with Jaehyun helped you so much, no matter how much you suffered and how hurt you were. You learned how to love yourself and how important it is to put yourself first and that is something you’d never learn if you hadn’t gone through the breakup.
traitor | s.b.
not my gif!!!
warnings: angst, break up, cussing, self harm, i wrote this based off of my experience with self harm. reader discretion advised.
not proofread cause booooriiiiinnggggg🙄🙄🙄 also moony write a happy fanfic challenge <//3
read me: guys, i’m so sorry for not writing in so long. god, days have really flown. i was in an intense writers block, but yesterday i saw an interesting stranger whom without a word spoken already had my heart. i really hope i see them again soon, it sucks and it hurts to not even know their name, it’s frustrating that i can’t do anything about it. they’re perfect, i hope we meet again soon. i wrote a song about them because i felt things too strong to keep inside. i’m glad i started writing again, i missed it. now, traitor, a sirius black story:
(lyrics in purple)
brown guilty eyes and little white lies
yeah, i played dumb but I always knew
that you'd talk to her,
maybe did even worse, i kept quiet so I could keep you
guilty eyes with unspoken words looking back at me, making me feel small and stupid for acting like i never knew.
you talked to her behind my back, at first i just thought it was your friend since you clearly had no trouble in making them, but i didn’t believe you did even worse.
of course, like a child in love for the first time, which was what i was at the time, kept quiet.
i couldn’t lose you.
and ain't it funny
how you ran to her
the second that we called it quits?
isn’t it funny? how when i finally got the courage to confront you about it, it ended in a big fight, you blaming me for not trusting you.
when you we called it quits, the person who brought you comfort was her. not your friends, clearly not me, her.
and ain't it funny
how you said you were friends?
now it sure as hell don’t look like it.
when i even thought about bringing it up, or stared too long, you said you were friends. yet every time i asked you how your day was, or what was on your mind, you brought her up.
the way you have your arm around her, or the loving look you have on your face when she’s around. i don’t blame you, how couldn’t you? her dark brown eyes, her smooth dark skin, her long fluffy hair, there was nothing not to love.
you betrayed me
and i know that you'll never feel sorry
for the way i hurt
i wonder if you remember our promise, we would be together through thick and thin, together forever. that went to shit.
the way you love her will never make you feel sorry for all the restless nights i spent, or the cuts scattered on my thighs, the eye bags that became something normal for me to have. you never payed it any mind.
loved you at your worst
but that didn't matter
when you needed someone, i was always there. dropped anything, important or not, so you could have a shoulder to cry on. did the impossible to make you feel alright.
but none of the mattered.
it took you two weeks
to go off and date her
guess you didn't cheat
but you're still a traitor
it only only took two weeks to hear everywhere how you were with her.
how much you loved her.
and almost nothing to see you guys attached to the hip, like we once were.
you didn’t cheat, you stayed there with me but in the end were never really present.
but you still betrayed me, told me cheap lies to which i was too in love to not believe.
now you bring her around
just to shut me down
show her off like she's a new trophy
it’s like everywhere i go, you’re magically there, with her.
so many days ruined and nights spent crying because of your new trophy.
and i know if you were true
there's no damn way that you
could fall in love with somebody that quickly
all the ‘i love you’s and ‘i’ll never leave you’ went to shit.
if you loved me as much as you told me the night you broke my heart, there’s no way or explanation on how you lover her so much. it’s been two weeks, sirius, two weeks.
ain't it funny
all the twisted games
all the questions you used to avoid?
so all the “baby, she’s nobody” “don’t worry about it hun” “don’t say that” “i love you, not her” were all lies, love really blinded me and fucked me up this time.
“siri, who’s that girl you’re always hanging out with?”
“what’s her name?”
“it doesn’t matter y/n! i’m tired. i’m gonna sleep.”
really? she doesn’t seem like a nobody now.
remember i brought her up
and you told me i was paranoid
“y/n! you’re just paranoid. just because you’ve had shitty partners doesn’t mean i am. stop being paranoid, it’s annoying.” that hit low. he was so cruel weeks prior to the breakup, how didn’t i see it coming.
god, i wish that you had thought this through
before i went and fell in love with you
the red lines on my thigh appear from the night before. being just a reminder of how i can’t feel anything, my favorite things go unnoticed now. you broke me. i wish you had thought it through before you let me fall in love with you
don't you dare forget about the way
you betrayed me
you really fucked me up. i let a bunch of things and red flags go “unnoticed”. I’ve tried my best to be as supportive for you.
one thing i promised myself because of the shred of dignity i have left, is how i swear to god i wont let you forget about how you betrayed me.
a/n: i hope you guys find this story to your liking, it’s the first thing i’ve wrote in a while and i don’t know how to feel about it. if you could, please tell me what you thought about it. thank you :) -moony<3
Day 23: Needy, Fili Durin
Fanfic, female! reader
Fluff, very steamy, everyone lives! AU
Word count: 2327
Tw: mentions of insecurities (not descriptive) and bullying. Spreading of rumors and secrets. Stress of fitting into a society. Gets a bit steamy, but no smut (thin fucking ice though). Mentions of hickeys being made. Some touching. Again, gets steamy. Shirtless Fili, cry about it. One (1) mention of rolling your hips against his.
Summary: Upon reclaiming the mountain, the inhabitant begin gossiping and spreading rumors about you, causing you to feel unsafe. One evening, you accidentally reveal those doubts and thoughts to Fili, but force him not to do anything about it, as you should be the one to handle it. As middle ground, Fili intends to show you how much he exactly loves you.
"If you take to long to hit me back,
I can't promise you how I'll react.
But all I can say,
is at least I'll wait for you."
You and Fili had been courting long before the travel to Erebor, and the two of you had always been close. During the journey, you were practically attached to the hip. Even more than he and his brother had been.
But as the mountain finally got reclaimed, and the royal duties he had been preparing himself for his entire life ultimately came to test him, the dwarf grew distant. You would see him lesser than usual. And even though you had expected it, it still bothered you.
The first few days you had assumed he had been so incredibly busy, because it had practically been the start of an old kingdom, but after weeks, you began to realize that this was merely how it would always be. And you did not like it. Not one bit.
Of course, you could not blame Fili. He tried his best to divide his duties and his time with you, but it grew difficult. But you would wait for him. You always would. Even as the time without your future husband began to bother you.
"Lately, I've been on a roller coaster.
Tryna get a hold of my emotions.
But all that I know is I need you close."
Yet, the reclaiming of the mountain had not only taken its toll on the blonde dwarf; it had also taken its toll on you. As more dwarves would inhabit the kingdom, whispers about you began traveling. Some mere rumors, other personal secrets. And both of them would get you sick.
You had tried to ignore it, you truly did, but if the entire kingdom begins talking about the prince’s consort, the attention will never fade from it.
You would spend hours in your room, before scanning the halls to make sure you could leave in peace, without all those judging looks. The maidens in specific would take it upon themselves to point out any form of flaw they could find on you. Out loud. Things you had never once been insecure about were now making you hate yourself. Even when you told yourself to be bigger than them.
And the worst part is, that Fili somehow did not know. And you could not tell him. Perhaps he would lash out or do something rash. And that might only make the whole ordeal worse.
So you kept quiet, waiting the entire day to be back I to his arms.
"And I'ma scream and shout for what I love.
Passionate, but I don't give no fucks.
I admit that I'm a lil' messed up.
But I can hide it when I'm all dressed up."
“Hello, amrâlime.” Fili mumbled as he stumbled into the room, his eyes sunken and his hair disheveled. It was a sight you had gotten used to after all these weeks. It hurt you to see him like that, but you could merely hope for it to be over soon.
You did not say anything. You did not need to. You only had to open his arms for him and he would walk into them, melting into your embrace. And that was exactly what you did.
“Busy day?” You whispered, running your fingers through his hair, making Fili him in agreement, his chin now resting on your shoulder as he felt himself relax under your touch.
“The most terrible meeting.” He explained quietly. “Nearly fell asleep.”
You chuckled at his words, lifting your head slightly to place a kiss on top of his.
“But now I’m here again.” He sighed, his hands squeezing your hips in affection, drawing you even closer to him.
“‘N I don’t want to hear another word about it.” Fili resumed, slurring his words as if sleep had already gotten hold of him.
"I'm obsessive and I love too hard.
Good at overthinking with my heart.
How you even think it got this far?
You let out a tiny smile at his words, gently leading him to the bed as you kept holding onto him. When the back of his feet hit the edges, he turned his head to look at you.
“I don’t want to go to sleep yet.” He whined softly. “I want to spend time with my beautiful gem.”
You shook your head at him, helping him sit down as your hands found his hair once again. And just like that, he melted again; his head now leaning into your hand as he closed his eyes in bliss.
“You need sleep.” You pushed. “You need your energy for another day.”
“My love, I only want time with you.” Fili mumbled, opening his eyes again as he looked at your face. “It’s been months since we did something other than discuss the fare of my day.”
You shrugged at him, not nonchalantly per say, but in casual agreement.
“Why do we never discuss your day?” He pointed out, to which you frowned.
“I don’t really do much.” You tried to soothe.
“Neither do I. I only sit in boring meeting and speak a word every once in a while. Thorin does most of the speeches.” Fili defended, kicking his shoes off, before letting himself fall onto the bed, placing his head in your lap.
“Tell me about your day.”
"And I can be needy, way too damn needy.
I can be needy,
tell me how good it feels to be needed."
You looked into his eyes, before letting out a heavy sigh, your hand falling to his cheek as it absentmindedly scratched his beard.
“I stayed in my room. Reading a nice book.” You began to play off.
“You should come out more.” Fili now interrupted, taking hold of your hand. “People complain about not seeing you.”
“That’s not the only thing they complain about.” You mumbled quietly, but Fili had heard it.
“What do you mean?” He wondered, furrowing his eyebrows at your statement.
You swallowed thickly. You had let your mind run free, and you should definitely not have. You could not lie to him. He was the prince and whatever you were about to say, he was going to believe you and speak to others about it. If you would make something up, people would be spoken to about things they might not even know or mind.
"I can be needy,
so hard to please me.
I know it feels so good to be needed."
“They seem to hate me.” You finally spoke, dropping your worries.
Fili’s head now shot up, his body sitting up in record time as he listened to your words attentively.
“I hear them talk, I feel their eyes. They don’t like me. And I did not even do anything yet.” You sighed defeated.
“What do they say?” Fili tried to push, but you were quick to shut him off.
“Fili, I do not want you to do anything about it.” You admitted. “It will only become worse. It is my problem and I will deal with it.”
And that conflicted him. Because ever since the day he met you, he had promised himself to always help out if he could, not matter the circumstances. He’d be there to make you feel better. To make you feel comfortable. He would sacrifice his own duties if it meant for you to be at peace.
And now you specifically told him not to do that. And he could brush it off and keep to his vow, but then he would be dejecting your wishes and he also did not want that to happen.
"Sorry if I'm up and down a lot.
Sorry that I think I'm not enough.
And sorry if I say sorry way too much."
“But I want to help.” He confessed, pushing himself closer to your until your knees were touching.
“You already do.” You assured, risking a smile his way. “They might not like me, but you do. And I wish my words rang true when I tell you I only care what you think, but that unfortunately isn’t the case. But it does matter to me more than what strangers think.”
Fili grinned at that, before extending his arms, pushing his feet from under him as he gently launched himself at you, forcing you down on the bed as his weight smothered you.
“Then I think you should know that you are, by far, the most magnificent thing inside this entire mountain.” He whispered in your ear, before planting a kiss on your neck.
“Far more beautiful than any of the jewels decorating the throne room. Far more perfect than the gold that shines across the halls.” He continued, his kisses trailing all over your collarbone.
“And the most breathtaking sight my eyes ever beheld.”
You can go ahead and call me selfish.
But after all this damage I can't help it.
But what you can trust,
is I need your touch."
His hands now traveled to your hips, pulling you up into him slightly, one of his legs finding its way between yours to support his weight. His face was still buried in your neck, his mouth trailing sloppy kisses all over as the cold beads of his mustache touched the sensitive skin every so often.
“Thank you.” You rasped out, holding the back of his head with one hand as the other reached under his shirt, tracing the soft skin of his stomach.
Fili’s dared to risk more aggressive kisses, his mouth now latching onto your neck, sucking hickeys that you knew would be visible the next day. His teeth occasionally scraped past the new bruises, making you let out a satisfied groan, urging him to continue.
Yet, you were also set on teasing him for the night. Only a little bit.
“But I do think you are the most precious thing inside the mountain.”
"I'ma scream and shout for what I love.
Passionate but I don't give no fucks.
I admit that I'm a lil' messed up.
But I can hide it when I'm all dressed up."
Fili’s head slowly lifted as his eyes drilled into yours, giving you a teasing look. One you had known all to well.
“Do you now?” He whispered, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Aye.” You nodded, before giving a slight tug on his hair, forcing his lips to meet with yours.
Fili returned the gesture all too eager, his obvious excitement showing through his kisses, his hold on your hips tightening ever so lightly, making you grin in happiness.
Perhaps this had been exactly what you needed after a particularly rough day. Someone to be there for you and remind you of just exactly how much they loved you. Someone who would never even try to let you forget.
"I'm obsessive and I love too hard.
Good at overthinking with my heart.
How you even think it got this far?
Fili’s hands now slowly, nearly unnoticeably, began trailing upwards. It wasn’t until you felt the cold metal of his rings on your sides that you knew what he was doing.
“Eager, are we?” You joked, your lips parting from his as Fili stared deep into your eyes, showing nothing but pure love and affection. And truth be told, it made your heart swell.
His expression had been so genuine and so sweet, that you could quite easily feel those ‘first-love butterflies’ all over again. And they felt so good to hold once more. There were so familiar, yet so foreign, but the feeling was not unwelcome. Not ever. And he knew it.
“How can I not be with a lover as beautiful as mine?” He wondered, leaning down again to grant you another kiss.
But instead of the hungry kisses he had shared earlier, this one was fueled by passion and love. A tender kiss; one that made the breath leave your lungs and would leave you speechless for a while.
"And I can be needy, way too damn needy.
I can be needy,
tell me how good it feels to be needed."
You sighed into the kiss, holding onto the ends of his shirt as you started to lift them. But the gesture did not go as easily as you thought it would have. He had been wearing about three layers of clothing, for the obvious cold inside the mountain, but they restricted you from getting the shirt off.
You groaned in frustration against his lips, causing Fili to chuckle into the kiss before parting, sitting up as he removed the top two layers. All while your eyes were on him.
“Last one is for you.” He offered, holding his hands out for you as a gesture for you to sit up.
You gratefully accepted his offer, rising onto your knees as your hands found the bottom of his shirt again. This time, the fabric left his body swiftly, leaving the top half of him bare to you.
You grinned at the sight, crawling over to him as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“My handsome prince.” You whispered, before moving your legs on both sides of his, now straddling him.
“My beautiful love.” He returned, crashing his lips onto yours in a needy manner.
"I can be needy,
so hard to please me."
You now held onto his shoulders, rolling your hips against him once before pushing him down, looming over him, your lips not once breaking contact with his.
Fili let out a breathy groan into your mouth, his hands finding their way under your shirt, stroking your back lovingly as he held you close on top of him.
“Screw what others think.” Fili mumbled against your lips, now pulling you down completely in order for you to lose your hold over him.
He flipped you over before you could even bring your self to recover, caving you between his arms.
“I’ll let you know exactly what I think of you, if that it what truly matters to you.” He reassured, pushing the hair out of your face.
He loomed over you for a short while, simply admiring his sight, before pushing himself down again, intending on letting you know exactly how much you meant to him. And he would remind you the entire night.
"I know it feels so good to be needed."