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hazelcephalopod · 1 month

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Listen. So 911. Imma be honest Buddie ship is great, I’m here for it, I think they should do it. In the canon of the show -bonus if the relationship is 99% the same except they kiss now. Do I really believe that has always been the endgame for them? No. Absolutely not -and maybe I’m wrong idk the deep lore I’m just a slightly more than casual viewer whose recently noticed the fandom. That said… to be clear this isn’t me trying to call the show out but just analyze the text in a colloquial way. This is normal mainstream tv and my expectations are real low*.

The show has that old school “look how close these two guys are. Like sooo close. Mm if they were different genders this would 100% be a will they won’t they dynamic” thing, the “this probably started as, a little bit of a joke about how close these two guys -or sometime girls!- are” while being a genuine friendship but there’s a vibe. (Or the oopsie option, also possible here tbh. S/x actors just do a thkng but imho it’s the other creatures responsibility to work with that?) Which, later the show starts to play into that more and more, usually creating a queerbait. Now, to be clear I’m using that descriptively. No judgment here, just that’s what I’m seeing. As I said could be an accident, coulda dig themselves into the old QB hole.

Because. Let’s go over it. You’ve got these two guys, they meet. They click instantly. They become the most important people in each other’s lives. They do all the other things the romantic couples do in the show. Meta the creators clearly know people are shipping them and play into that a bit while backing off by pairing each with random woman. In canon there’s jokes and comments about their really close relationship. One of them adopts the others child basically. Sometimes when one is hurt the other looks like they might weep or cry in agony. Sometimes you swear the looks they give each other have no straight explanation possible. Canonicly they are still just really close bros*. These. Are all hallmarks of a queerbait.

Now, maybe they have shifted to making it end game, at some point, during all this. But tbh, bc of all the history of queerbait in mainstream tv for the past idk, minimum 20-30 years? Really hard to tell the difference. Without some obvious signs it isn’t just queerbait, it’s just looks the same! Until one of them… has… queer experiences, and clearly is like “hmm. Maybe I. Am not straight.” Some obvious “this relationship is indeed being teased. As a real possibility and not just a joke” then I remain skeptical. It’s ok, I’ve been on the great queerbait train many times, and I will take those ships to my -and the characters- grave! But it means I am on the look out for them. *theres several points im going to cover under the cut

Yes this show has. A lesbian couple, maybe a gay side character. And some queer characters on the spin off show, which is run by different people -at least enough it’s different, and now it’s on a different network, also there’s 1 same sex couple last time I checked. Tbh. While there’s some wonderful exceptions. It I commons for a mainstream show like this to have a max of one same sex couple per show. It’s a bad thing, I don’t like it, there should be room one these shows for multiple main queer couples. But it’s pretty standard for 1 max.

Yes men can be friends. Bros. Very close platonic bros. Absolutely.

You know who are also very close friends? Hen and Chim, I’ve never ever thought they were anything but close friends. Or even Athena and Hen -tbf I imagine there’s some shippable stuff there and go for it have fun- they seem really close, but not really like they’re gonna become a couple tbh.

you know who seems way closer than that? Bobby and Athena, or Chim and Maddie, or Hen and Karen, and Buck and Eddie often seem closer than them tbh.

Also. Let’s be honest. I also like QPR Buddie, but this is mainstream TV. I repeat. They can barely have more than one lesbian couple and a gay side character so, I have little faith they are going to grapple with, asexuality or aromanticism and QPR’s, especially with long standing cis so far het man main characters. But maybe I’m wrong and they might go there, and I’d be delightfully surprised. I’ll settle for just make them kiss already plz. (Tbh I admit the vibes of premier of season 7, increase my belief a little.)

I admit. Shippers are gonna ship. People like doing it it’s fun. S/x on almost nothing at all. Here I really do think, there’s some good reasons people are shipping these two characters. People can bring receipts. Anyway. I can only advise, not being an asshole. Either to shippers or shippers, shippers don’t be an asshole.

Personally I just needed to hash all this out. Get ready to be kinda disappointed and know… it’s just how it goes. Idk.

Also. Tbh. If they don’t do some of the “this isn’t a queerbait” signs soon -and this part is a criticism- than they are either ignorant, incompetent, or if not irresponsible, rude. Imho. Or at least like fully… explore that idea of them being in a romantic relationship and then reject it. I won’t like it but I’ll respect it.

#911 #long post #As said under the cut: I admit kick off of the most recent season has me hoping they might go there #But idk. If not.#Im gonna side eye that a bit harder #I don’t care enough to really call anyone out or anything. It’s not worth harassing anyone or being rude to actors or show runners #Potentially it’s a small and upper level group nixing it and this is the best they can do for the ship. Idk.#But. I call it as I see it #And so far it looks like the big Q-B #I might’ve made this post every season so far tbh #I don’t remember #but I likely will continue to do so until I’m proven wrong definitively.

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baekhvuns · 8 months

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It's like so complicated atp Bcz yes I wanna kiss kiss fall in love! But then I hate men like I'm confused if I want to be in a relationship or not? 😭 AND THE REAL QUES IS HOW WILL I GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP? Bcz a) my standards are so high I'm not sure if I can even find the man of my dreams and b) even if I did I'd probably never NEVER approach them and lose them for the sake of true love or prolly cuz I'd be scared of rejection

Hah...my love life is not gwenchana rn 😭 NO RIGHT TELL ME IM LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE AND ITD MAKE ME FEEL EVEN BETTER IF MY FUTURE MAN IS A CAFFEINE ADDICT 😭 (you're the first thing I need in the morning BRO-) MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM THE YN TO YOUR PARK SEONGHWA ESP WRITTEN BY BAEKSY OH GOD 😩😩 YES NEVER GIVE UP NEVER WHAT FOR THEM FAKE ASS SCENARIOS

Nooo I promise it gets better or at least I think that bcz i get you it's about the chemistry which wasn't...reaching me. The art style is so pretty though and seunghyun is greener than grass so he's approved obviously AND DOESN'T HE KIND OF REMIND YOU OF YUNHO??? I bawled at the last few chapter though...Bcz they reminded me of Mr and Mrs park's ending 😭 AND MAN AM I WHIPPED FOR SEUNGHYUN!

Someone:- what's love to you?

Me:-

😭😭😭😭 OMG YES MR LAPILLION (I'm pretty sure that's the wrong spelling-) no you're so right the art style does play a major role in my selection of manhwas..I just like pretty things. And the art style of my in laws are obsessed with me did not disappoint. This man is so...like UGH I cant explain it he be making me feel things I don't even know i could feel- but the female's past life was...shit! Im still at the beginning so I'm hoping she gets her happy ever after!!

SO SAD IMMA HV TO SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT HIM!!! LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING- (he's a drawing, he's a drawing, he's a drawing-) I'm def gonna read secretary's escape now!! OH IVE HEARD OF THT MANHWA!! I see I've found how I'm gonna relax now...I hv my plushies and my pillows with my iPad ready to read!! I also heard Bout a good day to be a dog somewhere and he title IK ITS GONNA BE GOOD

Also ive never read a bl webtoon or a yaoi Bcz ik they can be veryyyy visual which I don't judge! But ik it's not style so yesterday I saw this one yaoi and it's ITS SO CUTE 😭😭😭 so hear me out, there's a guy who's ex gf drops a baby by his door when he comes back frm his military service and he become a single father, he doesn't abandon the baby Bcz he too was an orphan, so he goes to settle on the countryside AND MEETS THE HEAD OF THE VILLAGE WHO IS AN SCRUMPTIOUS, DELICIOUS MAN IN HIS 30s 😩😩😩 there dynamic is actually so funny and it's so cute like my heart beat like I was in love reading that. It's called 'our sunny days' it's worth giving a try so I'm leaving the name of anyone's interested. I MEAN LOOK-

Omg you're so right, watching people study or them being productive makes me wanna get my life together! Ok ok ok hol up imma give you a rough bg of the night crying crow, so the ml is an idol and and the fl is a detective and her job is to protect the ml, although it gets a little confusing as it progresses somehow it has a grip on me or maybe I hv weird tastes Bcz i saw ppl saying tht they didn't get it or how confusing it was 😭😭 BUT THE THING IS WHERE I READ IT I COULD NOT FIND THE COMPLETED VER. which is sad.

Ooohhh thnks bestie you've finally indulged me into my lovesick phase imma read a ton of manhwas. And there's just something about golden retriever energy though-

no because i get it 😭😭 the kiss kiss fall in love only be happening towards the fictional men 😭😭 STOP THAT IS SO ACCURATE FJWBDKHWKD there is also a lack of pretty men around <//3 how will we ever find one 😭

LMFAOOOO NOT GWENCHANA 😭😭😭 NO LITERALLY LIKE MAKE ME UR MUSE???? EYES ONLY ON ME ???? TELL ME HOW IM THE BANE OF UR EXISTENCE???? PLS FHWKDHW OH TO LIVE IN ONE OF MY FICS PLS IF DO ANYTHING 😭😭

i stopped reading it bc i get that he’s a green flag but where’s the …plot, need a little fiery banter with a little bit of hating each other and he gotta look rude??? STOP DO JOT DO THIS FIRST U SAY YUNHO WND THEN SEONGHWA HRQKHDWK

LAPILLION WHATEVER HIS NAME IS IM READY. IM WAITING PLS ARRIVE FHKWHDK THAT MAN IS SO FINE OH MY GOD THE ART STYLE AND THE WAY BE FUCKING BLUSHES LORDDDDDD TAKE ME HFMWHDWK IM EXCITED FOR A DAY TO BE A DOG suits eunwoo 😭😭

omg i haven’t read bl’s but im interested 👁👁 CRYING THAT LITTLE KID ON HIS TIDDIESNRJQMDKK DE WL

those reels with “doctor son/daughter” “un ambassador” “lawyer mother” and im picking up my pens and pencils

wait no bc now im confused on it??? 😭😭

UR WELCOME!! ill def add more once i read them but pls. i beg. read secretary’s escape. i, the way BRKWHDKWHDKW i run across my house when that man shows up on the screen

this is how i go

u know what, golden retrievers >>>> I SAID WHAT I SAID GOLDEN RETRIEVERS WITH A BLACK CAT FL. UGHHH

#✉️ : ask #[ chaerssss ]

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sad-boy-mono · 11 months

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Ima be whiny and rant about my morning getting ready for a roadtrip. Idc if I sound like a whiny bitch IM FEELING LIKE A WHINY BITCH SO

My mom said we'd start packing up the car around 10 (to quote her directly, she wanted to "haul ass at 10") but she didn't even get home from a doctor's appointment until 10:30.

I woke up at 9 anticipating we'd be hauling ass at 10 (I've been waking up at 1pm everyday for the past 2 weeks) and went to bed at 4 (not by choice) so I could've gotten at least a bit more sleep.

I'm already overstimulated cuz I'm tired and now more so cuz we're off the given schedule.

So much time just getting shit into the car.

A CD I got in May is stuck in my dad's car. My dad's car recently was taken into the shop for some repairs. My mom said she brought up my stuck CD. Is my CD unstuck? Nope!

(Also secondary rant but this CD being stuck has caused me so much more stress than it should. It was $12 so not a huge financial loss but it's also my favorite album and the CD is sold out. My family doesn't have a good way to listen to music from phones in our car cuz we don't have Bluetooth and auxcords always end up hella staticy so we use CDs and I was so excited to finally have some new music in the car but I got to listen to it once before it got stuck and won't even play music because my mom messed with it trying to get it out. And then there's the added feeling of when you're upset about something that isn't a big deal and you KNOW it isn't a big deal so you feel dumb about getting so worked up about it because it's just a fucking CD and you could probably figure out a way to download the album and burn a new one but you bought this one from an artist you love and want to support so now you just feel dumb and stupid and wanna cry everytime you think about it and WHY DIDNT THE REPAIR PEOPLE GET IT OUT DID MY MOM LIE ABOUT TELLING THEM? IM SO PISSED. SECONDARY RANT OVER)

I have much less space then I thought I would in the car.

I remembered I'd have to spend a lot of time around my cousins (not necessarily a bad thing. But my social battery is a constant 0%. Also I came out to my uncle as trans a while back and he reacted badly and I really don't wanna be around him :/)

We're on the road and I forgot how loud and bumpy highways are in this shit stain of a country (#americacore)

Also my mom smokes. The smell + open window being loud is not helping.

Did I mention the roads suck? Because the roads suck.

I'm crammed in the back and everytime we make a turn I'm crushed by my aunt's wheelchair.

I love my family so much like genuinely, but being around them is hard cuz they're always up here 📈 all the time and I'm always down here 📉 all the time so being around them is hard due to how our energies don't align for lack of a better term.

Did I mention the roads suck? Cause the roads really fucking suck-

I didn't eat this morning and am hunger. I cannot reach any of the food/snacks we packed

I spent like 30 minutes fighting back a meltdown low-key.

Having boobs is actually such an icky feeling? Like not binding was a good choice but when roads are as bumpy as there are here maybe I should've just worn a binder?

HAVE I MENTIONED THESE FUCKING ROADS-

I don't have the money for Spotify premium (#brokecore)

Also I packed my laptop and every moment it isn't in my sight I fear it is being destroyed viciously (it is literally at the top of the bag pile and surrounded by clothing)

Did my hair this morning and it just like. Wasnt working with me :/

HOW DO ROADS MANAGE TO BE SO FUCKING LOUD WHAT THE FUCK-

Anyways I'm excited for this weekend :]. I'm going to a powwow in my extended family's town and supposedly it's gonna be hella big. We're staying in an AirBnB and it has a lake n shit so we can go swimming n shit. I might have my own room? Idk tho if not I'll live. I got my headphones.

#mono stop talking #mono stop venting #vent #long post

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gagmebucky · 3 years

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Hi, I just really wanted to rant about something and I don’t really want to talk about it with anyone I know irl so…

My dad is just a normal guy in every sense of the word, good and bad. One thing that’s bothered me for a while now is how I recognized he talks to my mom and while it’s not degrading, it’s just entitled and annoying.

Since my brother and I were born, she quit her job to take care of us so he’s been the one primarily earning money. This arrangement hasn’t put our family in any type of financial jeopardy at all, we live in a nice house in a nice area and his job combined with the money he makes from his previous service in the military makes him around 150k a year. One thing I’d like to note is that he works a normal 8 to 5 job. But for a year or so the majority of his company has switched to a12 hours day so they get a three day weekend every week.

Now I know you may be wondering what money has to do with any of this and I promise that I’ll get to that part I’m just really angry and need to get this all off of my chest.

Anyways, my mom started working again 2-3 years ago at his request and now she works AND does all the stereotypical motherly things (cooks dinner, cleans, any other odd jobs that need to be done around the house)

All the while my mom has been doing this, my dad does his 12 hour days (including lunch in those 12 hours) and he’s allowed to take 10 minute breaks and most often times watch tv in the background while he’s working (he’s been working from home since COVID and doesn’t have any plans to go back since his job is mostly on the computer anyways other than a couple in-person meetings a month)

After my dad is done with work, he basically retires for the night and just watches tv while waiting for mom to serve him whatever food or leftovers she’s put on a plate for him.

Now, I get to the current issue.

My mom doesn’t ask for much or even anything from him in terms of helping her. But there are just some things that make me angry when he says them.

In the past couple of weeks for pretty much the 1st consistent time since March, my dad started walking and exercising again which he does outside or in the garage. My father has naturally oily skin, and even if he didn’t, he is exercising so his skin will be sticky and sweaty! RIGHT!?!?!

However when my mom brought it up a couple days ago she didn’t even say what we both were thinking which was YOU STINK AND ARE THEREFORE MAKING THE HOUSE STINK!!!

Instead, she politely asked if he would take a shower since he worked out and specificied that she was telling him this out of love without even mentioning him stinking up the house or more specifically the kitchen that he was in.

Instead of understanding that exercise makes you sweat and sweat makes you smell, he snarkelly shot back, that he had something to tell her out of love too. And although he trailed off with a cocky laugh, the context of the situation and his numerous past suggestions obviously implied that he was talking about my mom’s weight.

I would like to specify that my mother is not obese or unhealthy, in fact she eats considerably less junk food than he does. And even if she was, it did not prompt my dad making that “joke”.

Now fast forward a few minutes, my mom and I left to go grocery shopping for the food she would make for him without him even having to lift a finger. She ranted to me that him needing to take a shower had nothing to do with her weight. From what she was saying I could tell that she wasn’t that angry about what he said about her weight, but more so about him deflecting the conversation from his smellyness to her (which is something he does often so he doesn’t look like the “bad guy”)

Now to today, my father once again “joked” with my mom when asked if he would honestly like to help her blow dry her hair (I say honestly because she wanted his honest opinion on whether he would like to do it or not, and it was something she never really needs help with but she wanted to spend time with him) he said that he needs to consult the “guy’s handbook” to figure out if that was a trick question. (My father is 55 years old and they’ve been married for 30 something years)

I’m sure there’s a psychological reason why I got so angry at him but I’m not going to settle that I was once again tired that he treated my mom like crap despite her doing everything for him. So I told him that my mom was being serious and it wasn’t a trick question.

I (kinda) knew that he knew this, and was trying to make a joke. But explaining it was my version of the whole “I don’t understand your ‘joke’ please explain it to me” in an attempt to discourage him from making it again.

But in an event that I would have seen coming if I wasn’t so angry, it didn’t work and he instead got mad at me. Recognizing that I could have handled the situation better, I just apologized however I was crying because of his rant that I wasn’t a part of the conversation and shouldn’t have stepped in . (I normally wouldn’t be so sensitive but for some reason it’s like everytime I have a family argument it’s that time of the month so I’m emotionally sensitive)

I retreated back into my room and apparently I wasn’t crying as quietly as I thought I was because be he then knocked on my door, then demanded that I come out and “spend time with him” so he could know what was wrong.

Now, I thought this was code for I’m going to apologize, but no… he literally didn’t understand that his words hurt my feelings and demanded that I tell him what was “really” wrong as if him yelling at me wasn’t a good enough reason to be crying.

After curtly telling him what was wrong in so many words as to not offend him further. He dryly apologized before defending himself and saying that it wasn’t his fault that I got angry and he was just trying to make a joke that he insisted would apparently be funny if I didn’t cut in. Then he dryly promised that he would try to treat my mother nicer and not make as many “jokes” because he can tell how much it affects me.

There is probably more to the story that I forgot to leave out. And I kinda want to know if I’m in the wrong in the situation or not. And reading back over this i am definitely biased but if you can manage to remove the emotion from my words then those are honestly the facts about what happened.

I recognize that I am selfish, he actually told me that one, but looking back over my life I know that I have been rude when “defending” my mom. I put it in quotations because my mom doesn’t need defending and she is more than capable to speaking up when there’s a big problem.

But I just get annoyed at people when they rudely deny her some of the smaller things she requests like help blow drying her hair and things she won’t insist on them helping on. I’d understand if kindly said no thanks or I can’t do it right now, but he just had to joke about it and be curt in his response for no reason.

All in all I’m just so angry that it is impossible for him to acknowledge what he did wrong without defending that actions that make someone sad or angry in the first place.

But anyways, I am extremely sorry for the rant and writing so much and I honestly don’t blame you if you didn’t even read all of this. I just wanted to tell someone and I love how your blog is so open and judgement free and you don’t act like you have all the answers of what is right or wrong but you just give your opinion and help when you can. Thanks so much for listening (reading, really) and I appreciate you so much!

baby, you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. you are the opposite of selfish — your dad was being a fucking dick to your mom and you stood up for her. you had every right to be angry, and if i were you, i would’ve said some low blow, disrespectful, kick-me-out-of-the-house ass shit.

i think (respectfully) you’re over analyzing yourself to find fault in yourself when it isn’t really there in my opinion. he’s complaining that you’re rude when he was the rude one and you literally just defending your mom. being rude is like “you stinky piece of shit, im gonna fucking drown you in bleach and lets see you make another fuckin comment BITCH”

but you did not do that therefore his argument is invalid. i can only say so much because it’s you in the thick of it but it definitely seems like your dad’s arrogant and entitled personality is so overbearing that it makes you be harder on yourself than you should be. i think, legally, you should get hit him once with a bat, non lethally of course (unless….. haha…?). i just know personally dealing with that personality type can create a LOT of contained anger.

anyway, im rly sorry you have to deal w him. i feel like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and you seem so sweet and nice and you do not deserve to have to give your energy to that :(

#i would’ve said some vile things i wouldve said things that would make him disown me #i would poured a little rat posion in his drink just enough to make him sick not to like kill yknow #if it isn’t clear I… I have a lot of violent feelings and am a little… insane #ILU AND IM SORRY U HAD TO DEAL W THAT #q answers

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ardett · 3 years

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all dead hearts to you

Description: George and Dream have never met in person. It isn’t a problem until Dream calls George to tell him he’s going to kill himself.

check this out on Ao3 if you wanna be cool!

Author’s Note: Not me crashing recklessly into another fandom (also this is assuming sapnap went home to Texas after living with dream idk let me live)

title from Dead Hearts by Stars

also I'm new here, anyone wanna give me a welcome to the boys?

warnings: suicide warning (obviously) but no actual suicide, general anxiety and panic attacks

It’s 3am when George gets Dream’s call.

Late, but only really for him. It’s still before midnight in Florida, right around 10pm. He’d like to say that he’s so practiced with converting time zones that he doesn’t even have to think about it but he still has to count backwards on his fingers, thinking on the jump between late late nights and early mornings.

He’s still awake but the leds in his room have been turned to red, set to the dimmest mode. He was streaming with Quackity up until about half an hour ago and his room has settled back into quiet again.

He feels the thrum of anxiety as he hears the ringtone. Dream usually only calls him when George is about to sleep through something important or if he’s on the road. George wonders if he forgot something today or maybe he let something slip on his call with Quackity.

Now that it’s on his mind, he realizes that he hasn’t heard from Dream all day. Or yesterday?

They’ve both been busy, though George has been busy with the usual things and Dream said something about needing to put his affairs in order or whatever that meant. They usually text at least but even that has been quieter.

George grabs his phone off his desk and picks up the call.

“Dream. What’s up?” he asks. George runs a quick hand through his hair, checking his screen quickly. It’s a real phone call, not even a discord call. “Hey, I’m putting you on speaker. I’m gonna put on my pajamas.”

He’s about to set the phone on his dresser when Dream says, “Oh, I probably shouldn’t be on speaker.”

There’s something off in his tone. Something flat. It sets George’s nerves on edge.

“Yeah? Okay.” George tucks the phone back by his ear, slumping back on his bed. “Did you have something you had to tell me?”

“Yeah. George, I’m going to kill myself.”

Everything in George stills.

And then starts to spin.

“What?”

“I’m going to—”

“You’re not serious.” George jerks upright, ignoring the lightheaded feeling sinking its fingers into his skull. “Dream, this isn’t funny.”

“I don’t think it is. It’s just going to happen.”

There’s not even a tremor in Dream’s voice. George can’t feel anything past the bone deep shock in his system.

All he can think of is Dream, wrists bloody and split open. Dream, fingertips dusted white with the residue of unnamed pills. Dream, rope burns fracturing the long line of his neck.

Dream, dead.

How is he even going to do it? Is he actually going to do it? George wants to ask but then he realizes he doesn’t want to know.

He imagines the first time he sees Dream in person is when he attends his funeral.

He imagines all the words he’s held in for so long, waiting and waiting for the moment he could say them to Dream face to face, finally being said to dead air.

But George can’t say that so all he manages is an obstinate, “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Stop disagreeing with me.”

“George,” Dream laughs. Laughs.

George feels dizzy with the disbelief swirling inside him. Surely this can’t be happening. What reason would Dream have to make this up though? Dream would never joke about something like this. Why is he laughing?

How can Dream be so casual when George’s world is shattering?

He doesn’t know what a future without Dream looks like.

They’ve always lived miles apart but Dream has never felt so far away. George has never felt like this. Like he couldn’t reach him.

“Dream.” Dream’s laugh cuts off as soon as he hears the plea in George’s voice. “Is something wrong? Are you— I can come there. I can be with you tomorrow. Sapnap can stay with you again. You don’t have to do this—”

“I know. But I want to. So I’m going to.” Any trace of mirth is gone. Dream sounds the same way he did when he decided he was going to break a world record or make YouTube work for him.

Determined. Steadfast. His voice has the steely confidence of knowing he won’t fail.

Usually it’s inspiring but now the familiarity of it just makes George sick. He’s never known Dream to be someone content with failure.

George's phone digs into his palm as his grip spasms. He tastes blood.

And he doesn’t even know why yet.

“What happened? Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

Dream sighs. “Nothing’s wrong, George.”

“There has to be something wrong. You can tell me,” George insists. Then he changes tactics and lies through his teeth. “I swear I won’t tell anyone else. We can work this out together, just the two of us. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I already told you nothing’s wrong,” Dream repeats.

“Then why would you… do that?” George trips over the word, rephrases it instead.

And then Dream rips that tiny defense to shreds.

“You can say it you know,” Dream says. “I’m going to kill myself. You should probably get used to it actually. People are going to ask you about it. I’m sorry about that,” he adds as an afterthought.

The harsh, blunt words sting against George’s skin.

“Don’t apologize,” he strangles out. “Don’t apologize for that out of everything. Just don’t do it.”

“George,” Dream breathes, exasperated.

“I just don’t understand,” George begs. For the first time, his voice wavers.

Dream, cold gun in his cold hands. Dream, long limbs hanging over the railing of a bridge as he stares down. Dream, slumped over his table with a bottle of vodka nestled near his feet.

Dream, dead.

Dead.

“Don’t cry, okay?” Dream’s voice softens. George forgot how gentle Dream could be with him when he wanted.

“I didn’t want to make you cry. Look, it’s just…” Dream trails off. Eventually, he continues even quieter. “This is it, you know? This is the top, this is the peak. It can’t go on like this forever, crazy numbers on videos and trending on twitter and all that shit. I’d rather go out like this than wait to hit the bottom. Doesn’t that make sense?” Dream persuades.

“No,” George insists, all the air leaving his lungs at once.

“Come on, George. Can you even picture yourself growing old? What happens when we’re 30, 40, and all of this is gone. Do you want that?”

The sick part of it all is that George has imagined the future. He imagines it lovingly, not viciously. Not like this.

He imagined a future with Sapnap and Bad and Karl and Quackity but most of all with Dream. He wants so badly to be with him. Sapnap talked about living together, how great parts of it had been, how he would have stayed if he hadn’t had to return home for family, and George so selfishly wants that for himself.

And he’s always known that’s not what Dream pictured. Dream doesn’t want what he wants. Dream doesn’t want to grow old with someone, much less George.

Can you even picture yourself growing old?

It hurts because George can and he always wanted it to be with Dream.

“What are you even saying? Do you want me to kill myself too?” George bites. He scrubs viciously at his eyes and stabs at the power button of his computer, teeth piercing into his lip as he waits for it to turn on.

“No, no, of course not. I would never— Come on, that’s obviously not what I’m saying.”

George fumbles with his keyboard, pulling up his discord messages with Sapnap.

He just needs someone else to help him, someone else to know. Someone who can do what he can’t. Someone who isn’t as fucking helpless as him, who doesn’t live an ocean away and who has never seen Dream in person and has never touched Dream, not once, has never known what the sun feels like in Florida.

Of course he was lying when he said this was going to stay between the two of them.

This isn’t the kind of thing he can do alone.

George: Sapnap dream says hes going

George: to kill himself

George: you have to get someone to him

George: call 999

George: 911

Sapnap: what

George: please now sap Im on the phone with him

Sapnap: are you joking

George: no

George: do it

George: please fast now

“Are you typing?” Dream questions, a note of warning in his tone.

George jerks. “No, I—”

He’s cut off by a beeping from his phone.

His heart stops.

“What’s that sound?” Dream asks.

Sapnap is calling him.

George can picture him, knee jumping as he clutches his phone, hoping against hope that George is joking. He can practically hear the adrenaline trembling in Sapnap’s voice, can see the way Sapnap stands and paces.

He can’t answer though. He can’t leave Dream.

George declines the call, hand shaking.

“Who was that?” The question is flat.

“No one,” George says too quickly.

“No one?” Dream repeats. Only a second or two passes before George hears the same beep through his phone speaker, this time coming from Dream’s end. “Wow look who’s calling me. Sapnap. Wonder if he changed his name to No One,” Dream says without emotion.

Sapnap: fck are you serious

George bites his tongue, wincing.

“Dream—”

George: y

George can’t manage to type anything more before Dream snarls, “You’re such a fucking snitch, you know that? It’s fine though, I thought this might happen. I was gonna call him after you, for the record.” It almost sounds like Dream is smiling. George’s heart twists. Why is he smiling? “I know you have to try as a friend to save me, or whatever you want to call it, but you really don’t have to. I want to do this. I’m going to.

“It’s not like you could really stop me anyway,” Dream continues. “You don’t even know where I live. You barely know what I look like. What, are you going to ask the police to search the entire state of Florida?”

“Sapnap knows,” George whispers.

He tries to shake off the savagery seeping into Dream’s voice. He tells himself Dream is defensive, Dream is nervous, Dream is scared. Dream isn’t thinking about what he’s really saying.

Though things have never mattered before, the fact George has never been to Florida, that George has never seen Dream in person. But now Dream is weaponizing them against him, forcing George to acknowledge that for everything their relationship is, it can never replace an in person friendship. And Dream has always been a better fighter than George.

“No, he doesn’t. Me and Sap rented a house, remember? We never went to my house. I never sent him my actual address, I checked.” And Dream sounds so smug. Like he won.

George’s gaze darts back to his computer.

But he already knows Dream isn’t a liar.

Sapnap: I dont know his address

Sapnap: fuck

Sapnap: Im calling bad

Sapnap: dont let him hang up

“People are so dumb about it, you know? They tell all their friends and then they get caught before actually doing it,” Dream goes on, not paying attention to George’s disconsolate silence.

“But you’re telling me,” George mutters. Hopelessness strings through him.

Sapnap isn’t writing anything else. George can only hope Bad picked up.

“Yeah but you’re literally in another country. What are you going to do about it?”

George can’t manage any words. He doesn’t even know if he remembers how to breathe.

Dream is right, he always seems to be right. George just wishes it wasn’t about this. Anything but this. He has to believe that Sapnap and Bad will figure something out. He has to trust them.

“Just think about how many people are found before they actually do it,” Dream goes on in George’s quiet. “Because they can’t commit. Most people are cowards. It’s dumb honestly. Just do it or don’t.”

“Don’t then,” George whispers.

His eyes burn with unshed tears. His fingers spasm on his bedsheets.

He doesn’t know what Dream wants. Does he want George to beg? To get on his knees and plead with him to save his own life? Because he would in a heartbeat but he doubts it would make a difference.

Dream sighs. “I feel like you’re not listening to me, George.”

“No, I am.” George’s voice rises with his wrath. Suddenly all his terror and frustration comes to a bursting point. “I’m listening. I’m listening to you talk about killing yourself. I just think you’re wrong. I think it would be a lot fucking braver to stay alive even if your views go down, even if you’re not fucking famous, Dream. What the fuck? You’re a fucking coward for trying to leave!” George’s breaths heave through the staticy phone microphone. His fear and anger wind him.

There’s a moment of emptiness.

Then, lip curling, Dream says, “Trying to leave you?”

George chokes.

“What?”

“Don’t try and pull this card, George. That’s what you’re trying to say, isn’t it? I’m a coward for leaving everyone behind? For leaving you?”

Dream’s voice drowns out George’s. George flinches, though Dream can’t see it.

“Don’t be so fucking selfish. I hate that, you know that?” Dream growls. “Everyone thinks they’re enough to save someone all by themselves. Wow, the sheer force of your love just fucking yanked me back from the edge of a cliff, give me a fucking break,” Dream scoffs. George’s ribs feel tight. “You can’t just reverse psychology or guilt me out of this.”

“Jesus, Dream, is it so hard to believe that maybe I care about you and I don’t want you to fucking die?” George grits out.

The room swims before him. He can’t remember how to uncurl his fingers.

“Well it’s not up to you, is it?” Dream practically smirks.

And that’s it, isn’t it? The winning phrase. Because Dream’s right.

It’s not up to George.

George can only listen helplessly as Dream considers his own grave. He’s a constant witness to the storm that is Dream. He was always grateful to be dragged along in Dream’s hurricane winds and now he dreads the day they calm.

“You’re being cruel,” George murmurs. His aggression leaves him as soon as it came.

“I’m being honest,” Dream contends.

George sinks his head into his hands. “Why did you even call me then? To— to gloat?”

Dream’s voice goes low and quiet, vulnerable. George’s insides twist and melt and contort. “No, no, I just… I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you one more time.”

“Don’t say that,” George hisses. The words are half muffled into his palms.

“Don’t say what?” Dream asks defensively.

“Don’t say one more time. You can’t— you can’t—'' It all hits George at once. He’s going to lose him.

He’s going to lose Dream.

Before he knows it, he’s sobbing into the phone, loud ugly heaving sobs. “Don’t do it, Dream. I’m serious. Please— Just wait for one of us to get there. We can be with you. We can help.”

Dream’s voice hardens again. “You mean you can stop me.”

“Dream—” George starts to beg, trying to figure out how to lie without Dream catching him.

But Dream beats him to it.

“I’m gonna hang up now—”

Panic rips through George. The shock of it physically hurts in his veins, in his heart.

“No!” he almost screams. “Dream, Dream, don’t hang up—”

“Oh my god, relax. I’m calling Sapnap. I’m not doing anything yet.” He can almost hear Dream rolling his eyes. It’s not comforting.

George sniffles. He knows it sounds pathetic. He’s not one for pity but if it gets Dream to keep talking with him, he’s willing to stoop to any low. He just doesn’t know if he can believe Dream.

“Can’t you just… stay on the phone with me?”

“What, forever? Is that your plan? Just keep me on the line until someone inevitably finds me somehow?” Dream mocks.

Yes.

“No,” George says instead because he thinks it’s what Dream wants to hear.

Dream switches tactics. George recognizes the persuasion in his tone.

“Don’t you want me to call Sapnap? Shouldn’t he also get the chance to talk with me?” Dream questions.

Guilts rests against George’s ribs.

Of course he wants Sapnap to get the chance to talk to Dream. What if this is their last chance to talk? But George is too selfish to think about it much.

“That’s not what you’re asking me. Don’t try and pull that shit. You’re asking me to hang up. You’re asking for me to say goodbye and I’m…” George’s voice drops, almost inaudible. “I’m not ready.”

“George…” Dream’s voice trails off. His next words are nearly silent, something bitter and mournful about them. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know,” George mumbles.

“Are you gonna say it back to me?” Dream demands. George doesn’t know what holds him back now but something does.

“You know I do, Dream, why—”

The dial tone rings in George’s ears.

Dream hung up.

Not even 30 seconds pass, not nearly enough for the abrupt end of their call to sink in, when George’s phone is ringing again. He fumbles with his screen but manages to pick up.

“George?”

George’s heart sinks. It’s not the voice he wants to hear. That he needs to hear.

“Bad?”

“Yeah,” Bad affirms. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? Am I—” George scoffs and it feels like it rips his throat. He feels like he wants to scream. Like he wants to punch a wall. Like he would give anything to be somewhere warmer right now. “No, I’m obviously not okay, Bad. He’s going to— to—”

“I know. Sapnap told me.”

Bad’s voice is collected, even. It just makes George more frustrated. How can everyone be so fucking calm about this?

“George, just try to take some deep breaths, okay?” George ignores the suggestion. “Sapnap is on the phone with Dream. He just hung up on me to talk to him. I’m driving there right now, okay?”

George pauses. Something cold washes over him. He doesn’t know yet if it’s relief.

“You’re— you’re driving to Dream?”

“Yes,” Bad affirms. “We just have to keep him talking to someone for the next hour—”

“Hour? Are you serious? That’s too long!” George knows he’s screaming now. He doesn’t care.

“George—”

“We have to call an ambulance, the police. There has to be someone we can call.”

George squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think of other ways they could possibly get there in time. He comes up blank. He can’t accept it. He can’t.

Dream, alone. Dream, bereft. Dream, dead.

“I know but I can’t— I was trying to tell you.” Bad’s words are muffled. It sounds like he’s biting the inside of his cheek. He confesses, “I don’t know his exact address. Sapnap is going to try and get it while he talks to him. I’m driving to Orlando and hopefully Sap knows it by the time I get there but we’re just—”

“No, no, no—”

George thinks of Bad arriving just in time to find Dream’s body still warm. He’s going to be sick. His chest hurts. His lungs burn.

“Try and take some deep breaths—” Bad placates as George speaks over him.

“I’m never going to talk to him again. He’s going to kill himself.” George is spiraling. He can’t stop himself.

“George, I’m going to get there in time.” But Bad doesn’t sound sure of himself. George zeros in on the weakness.

“You don’t know that,” George hisses.

“This is hard for all of us, George!” George startles at Bad’s yell. He’s heard Bad raise his voice before but never at him, never seriously. “I’m sorry,” Bad apologizes, words quieting again. George hears a sniffle through the phone.

Bad’s crying.

God, George is a terrible person. He didn’t even think to check in on Bad. Bad’s the one who might find Dream halfway there or already committed. He’s the only one who’s even close to being able to do something and maybe that’s the worst position to be in.

To be so close and lose a friend anyway.

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I know it’s hard for all of us. I know you’re doing everything you can. You’re doing more than me.” George tries to laugh but it gets stuck in his throat. It’s not funny anyway.

“It’s going to be okay,” but it doesn’t even sound like Bad believes himself.

“I don’t think I can talk about this anymore,” George murmurs. He feels exhausted. There’s so much adrenaline coursing through him that it hurts. “Can we just talk about something else just… just for a little?” he begs. Like anything could distract him from this.

“Yeah George.” George can hear the sympathy in Bad’s voice. He’s too far gone for the pity to bother him. “Let me— Let me tell you about what I did this weekend on the SMP.”

George sucks in a sharp inhale. “Not— not the SMP. Can you talk about something else?”

“Of course,” Bad agrees easily. “So last Friday I went to visit my family…”

George lets Bad talk in the background. Every once in a while, one of them will sniffle or sob or take a breath that’s too shaky to be normal. Neither of them mentions it.

George listens to people walk past his window, their voices carrying up into the stars.

The noises of the highway drone on through his phone.

Bad drives.

George thinks about what it would be like to go on without Dream.

He’ll never be the same, he already knows. It will haunt him for years. For the rest of his life. The thought of being so close to someone and then losing them.

Death is natural. He knows that. But it’s the intentionality of it that aches the most. The idea that Dream would leave behind everything for something so painful and unknown.

And George just knows… part of him will die with Dream and never come back.

George doesn’t know who he’ll be with that part missing.

part 1/3, though the next update won’t really be an update but it will be soon

#dreamnotfound #dnf #just gotta get those tags out of the way #dream smp #fanfiction #dream smp fanfiction #dnf fanfic #tw suicide #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #thewar #dream team #pls just go to Ao3 I'm begging you

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keytomythoughts · 3 years

Text

Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually.

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu)

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

Funny

Yk I can’t move out, at least not on my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

What about Jaehyun?

Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

They’re just hell-bent on me getting into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

Me crying and stuffing myself with pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

And that’s bc you were there dumbass and half of the time ur either in oppa’s room or out somewhere

Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

I miss y’all :’(

Ok I should be there around like 5 ish so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol

See? My point exactly

Your fAcE scared off every girl in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

I almost feel bad for them, u little heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

Rlly?!?

YAH

U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

U JERK HOW COULD U??

Those poor girls omg

Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

Can it u demon

Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated.

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends.

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side.

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another.

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?”

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.”

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.”

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away.

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.”

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.”

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation.

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide.

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?”

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!”

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail.

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul.

What can I say? It’s a talent.

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder.

“Good to be back,” I whisper.

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment.

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat.

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

#moonbin x oc #moonbin ff #moonbin fic #moon bin #cha eunwoo #jung jaehyun #astro #nct #fanfiction #my writings #mine

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awsugar · 2 years

Note

RE the reblog about meeting people; I know someone who everyone thought would never be in a relationship or move past living at home etc. Into their 30s, they met and married someone who loves them and not only appreciates their quirks but shares them. This happened because of Tinder! It’s very possible to meet someone and develop a close relationship, platonic or romantic, but it’s just getting over the hurdle of opening up for it. I struggle to let myself relax into relationships, I panic and push people away if I feel like it’s getting too real. It’s a process but it’s very possible. It’s good to remind yourself that people want friends and partners, they want you as much as you want them but it’s just waiting to see who’s gonna make the first move.

ive been in relationships before but ive been single for so long and i have so many insecurities that it feels like ill never find anyone again. so like half relieved that this person found someone in their 30s but also half horrified by the fact (which i already pretty much knew) that i will probably have to find someone on tinder. like the thought of dating apps makes me cry if i think about it too much lol <3 but i have been talking about that AND one of the apps to see if i can make any friends with my therapist. im just trying to work up to it but it seems impossible. i dont know how to make myself seem interesting and funny and hold a conversation and i have too many body issues to just hookup with people and my standards are way higher than what i personally have to offer so like. i just think i will fail miserably ALSO i deal with rejection horribly so its likely that the first time it doesnt work out with someone i will just give up entirely bc i feel like i cant possibly deal with the rejection again. it feels like im a lost cause. like i know i have to try or ill never get anywhere. but dating apps are literally nightmare fuel for me ive been struggling with this for a looooooong ass time.

anyway thank you. i know its possible and they say no one is a lost cause im just not confident......but i also havent entirely given up so we'll see.

#anonymous #asks

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cthomashoodstory · 3 years

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Best Years but Not in the Same Way (19)

Calum Hood x Reader

Previous Part

I’m sorry english isn’t my native. And also i got pictures from google and if one of it is yours and you want to take it down pls let me know. I’m so nervous to write this part sjsjsj i hope someone is reading. And btw if you found this post for the first time, i suggest you to read the entire parts i gave the link below! And so sorry if u get bored :(

Masterlist

”It’s literally 8 A.M in the morning, you better be have a good thing to showed me or i will hate you.” Calum called you in the morning saying that he had something to showed you and you have to come and now here you are. “What?” You asked him when you were in his room.

Then he pulled out a very cute floral dress. “I bought this for you last month for Ash birthday party today. I don’t know if you like this or not, but here it is. I hope you like it. And also the heels, i love it so i bought it to you.” He gave it the dress and heels and now you were just speechless because this dress is hella cute and expensive.

“I forgot it’s Ashton birthday...,” you paused. “Do you have something to be give to him?” He shooked his head. “Let’s get out then?” He nodded an you two headed out.

After 5 hours went out to store by store and had lunch, you and Calum finally arrived at home at 2 P.M.. You bought a Leather Lace-up Ankle boots for Ashton as present because he said he love wearing boots and he kinda collecting it right now so it might be a good gift for him. And Calum bought an electric guitar for him.

“Hey i think I’m gonna get ready, since i took an hour to do make up so... bye.” You waved at him and ran to his bedroom to get ready.

An hour later, you our from his room and you saw him stood waiting for you. “You were ready? Since when? Damn you look so hot!” You said it out loud and he blushed.

“Since 30 minutes ago i think? And you look so beautiful.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. “I think we should stay at home rather than go to Ash’s party.” He gave you a serious face.

“Why?” Suddenly you felt so disappointed because you just prepared for an hour, you got a very beautiful mini dress from him and now he wants to canceled it?

He laughed. “I don’t want any men to steal you away from me. I mean look at you right now.” He teased you and put his hand on your waist. You were inch away from his face and now you wanted to to something but you afraid. You were still afraid until today.

“Should we go?” You asked him and he nodded while pulled his hand away.

You went out and he drove fast. You didn’t interact with him on the car. It was just too awkward for you both.

An hour later you and him arrived at Ashton’s place. It was just 4 P.M and his house already crowded. You held your present for him and Calum also did the same. You and him went in and looking for Ashton. You finally met him. He was stood at the corner with Luke and Michael and Mitchy Collins.

“Aye my favorite couple.” He hugged Calum first and then Calum gave the present. And then you hugged him. “Awh thank you so much, Cal and Bar. Enjoy the party.” You walked away from them and joined Kaitlin, Crystal and Sierra on the counter.

“Oh my God, look at your dress, you really stealing the spotlight!” Crystal complimented your dress. “I knew it Calum has a taste.”

You frowned. “Oh Calum showed us the dress after he bought it last month. Oh virtually of course. Don’t worry he didn’t cheat with us. His heart is belong to you.” Sierra explained and you smiled while rolling your eyes.

“So how’s the progress with you and Calum? Are you guys kissed already?” Kaitlin asked you excitedly. You knew she’s a bit drunk since she held the red glass.

You shook your head and nodded at the same time. “We are not dating, we’re still friends but we ever kissed and thats it. No more further explanation.” You grinned and poured beer to your glass.

After hours you’ve been mingled with everyone, you decided to go to the bathroom to freshing up. While on the way you pulled out your phone from your sling purse and you shocked you got 20 missed calls from Mike and you got so much message from him, your mom, Julia, Tranter and other friends. But one notification that caught your eyes was a missed call from Justin at 3 P.M.. What the hell is going on? You could feel your face is pale and you panicked and ran fast to the bathroom. You locked the door and sit on toilet. You called Mike Immediately and you scared to death. Your mind flashback to when he called you 30 times because he worried when Justin and Selena got back.

“Saara Palvin are you okay? Why you didn’t pick my call?” He sounded so worried, exactly like 3 years ago.

“My phone went silent and I’m fine I’m at Ashton’s birthday party. What happened? Nevermind i will find it by myself and i promise you i will be fine, i won’t hurting myself ever again. Okay? Bye.” You hung up the call and searching on Safari about Justin Bieber. That’s really what you searched because deep down in your heart you knew if Mike, Julia and Tranter texted or called you at the same time, it really had something to do with Justin. And coincidentally Justin did called you and it really ruined your mind. The search came up and you saw a news about Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin engaged at Bahamas today. Wait what? Engaged? Justin is engaged? With Hailey? You read the headline again and locked your phone. You don’t care. You don’t care at all. He could do anything he wanted.

Then the bathroom door is knocked. “Saara? Are you okay? It’s me Kaykay. I saw you running to the bathroom worriedly. Are you okay?” She asked yo politely and you unlocked the door so she could come in. “Hey girl, what’s wrong?” She wiped out the tears that feel down to your face. You really managed to not cry in front of her but you failed.

You tried to breath slowly. “I think I’m going home now. I’m not feeling good right now. Justin is engaged with his girlfriend.” You finally confessed to her and she hugged you. “I don’t want people to know about it. What is my excuse then?”

She pulled the hug. “Just said that your mom needs you right know and they would understand. Calum would understand. You had to lie to them for your own sake. You need to rest, Miss B. And when you talked to them just thinking about a funny moments so that you wont cry.” You nodded and put the lipstick on your lips and out from the bathroom. You were separated from Kaitlin and walked towards the boys who sat down on the chairs laughing together.

“Hi guys i think I’m going out now, my mom is need my help right now and i will go to her place now. Bye guys, once again happy birthday Ashy.” You hugged Ashton, then Luke and Michael.

“Let me drive you there, Bar.” He held your arm but you brushed it off.

You looked at him. “No, you need to be here for Ashton. I will be fine okay? Have fun baby.” You kissed his cheek and left him as fast as you could because you were about to cry if you still there with him. You ordered Uber and headed home.

You finally at your bedroom and lean on the wall. You cannot cry because what’s the point of it? He has a good life and so are you. You are happy with your life, you surrounded by a very good people, the best friends who always support you, you’re happy.

You changed your clothes into pajamas and you sat on your living room. And you saw Calum texted you.

You felt bad for lying to him but this was the only thing you could do. He might get hurt if he knew the real answer. You really try hard to move on from Justin. It was harder than you thought. The past still haunts you until today. The memories still haunts you.

You turned on the tv and watch a random show but you didn’t really paid attention to it. Your mind kept thinking about Justin over and over. and you decided to keep your mind busy thinking about other by watching a criminal tv show.

It surprisingly distracted you for hours until you heard a message notification.

Ah these big mouth guys. Why in the hell they told Calum about it? So that why he asked you if you okay twice. He probably hated you right now. You couldn’t do anything but sighed. Calum must be hurted right now. Why all of this happened?

Then you heard your door being unlocked and you saw Calum walked in with flowers on his left hand and a totebag on his right hand. Wait what was he doing here?

“Cal?” You were so shocked when he showed up. He smiled to you and you knew he was hurted judging by his expression.

“Hi Bar,” he greeted you and handed you the flowers. “I just want to be here with you to cheer you up.” He signaled you to sat on the couch with him. And then you sat with him and put the flowers on your lap. “I bought you chocolates, lots of chocolate,” he pulled it out one by one. “Then a red lipstick because i know you love to wear it, and a tiny teddy bear. I honestly suck at this so thats the only thing i bought for you.”

You smiled to him and hold his hand. “Thank you, Cali. You really cheered me up.” “And i want to-“

But he cut your talk. “I know what happened, Ashton told me.” He held your hand tight. “I want you to be honest with me, i was so confused when you said you didn’t want me to drove you. I thought i made a mistake.”

You sighed. “Im sorry i didn’t want to hurt you, i didn’t want you to know that I’m hurt, I’m messed on the inside. I didn’t want you to hate me just because I’m still trying to find my way out from my past. I hate myself for keep hurting you until today.”

“Hey hey please don’t cry.” He hugged you and you cried on his chest. “I know moving on is the hardest thing to do, but i know you can do it. I trust the process, Bar. I trust us.”

You pulled the hug. “You can always find and fall in love with another brain, another soul, rather than stay and wait for me to heal the feeling.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I love you and i only want you in my life. I will always love you no matter how hard this situation is. I will wait for you.”

To be continued.

Next Part

#calum hood #calum thomas hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood x reader #calum fanfic #calum imagine #calum fic #calum fanfiction #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #ashton irwin #michael clifford #luke hemmings

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spicyspencerreid · 4 years

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Just Friends| Part Two

A Timothée Chalamet Imagine: Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five

Female!Reader, Dancer/Actress!Reader, CoStar!Reader, FrenchSpeaking!Reader//2800 Words

Summary of part one// Reader and Timothée are best friends. They are going to be costars on a new movie where Y/n plays a dancer and has a small, but still important, role, and Timothée’s a lead. There’s a storm and Y/n’s hotel is having issues, so she has to stay in Timothée’s apartment.

Warnings// Grammar/spelling and lack of proofreading//Extra soft Timmy; Cursing; Really soft fluff: y/n’s side of it is romantic, but Timothée just sees it in a platonic way, it’s really beautiful in a sad way. IM SORRY ITS SO FUCKING SLOW AND LITERAL SHIT, i like kinda know where I’m going with it, but like I don’t. Just send me a request with how you want it to go please...let me know!

Key: French writing (english translation), Y/n/n-Your nickname, Y/f/n-Your first name, Y/l/n-Your last name

(Added July 2020) Note: this whole series was written before Ansel Elgort’s allegations arose, and honestly, in the most disrespectful way possible: I hope he rots in hell. I ALWAYS stand with the victim, and if that’s going to be a problem, find another series to read. If the mention of his name is triggering to you, PLEASE do not read. If you or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted or abused, do not be afraid to speak up, but if that’s not the route you personally want to take: you can call 1-800-656-4673, available 24 hours every day and 100% confidential.

this is the apartment I used for inspiration//I put links in the specific rooms when they were mentioned so it would feel more ~real~ lol.

You knocked on the door. It was almost 4:00, but it felt like 2:00AM with the time difference combined with your lack of sleep. You glanced a peak at yourself in the reflection of the door, and your face dropped as you saw yourself, instantly becoming extra conscious of the way you looked. You eyes were still a little a little watery, but it didn’t look like you were crying too much. The rain had wet your hair, and your face, and your mascara stained your under-eyes. You sighed realizing you’d already knocked and didn’t have any time to fix yourself.

The door opened. You put on a soft smile and let out a weak little hi. Timothée took one look at your mascara-stained face and pulled you into his apartment. His arms wrapped around your waist as you rested your head in the crook of his neck. You peeked your eyes up to look into the apartment. You were both in the small sitting room, but you caught a glimpse of the kitchen. It was beautiful. White, clean, cozy, and perfect.

“I’m getting your hoodie all wet.” You laughed into his neck, feeling more comfortable in his arms than you had felt in a very long time. You smiled as you pulled away, a tired, but genuine smile.

“I don’t mind,” he looked into your eyes as you suddenly became super aware of his hands lingering on your waist, “let me show you to your room, Mademoiselle.”

“Si vous insistez, mon ami.” (If you insist, my friend.) You reached for your bags, but Timothée practically slapped your hand out of the way, insisting he’d bring them to your room while you were in the shower. He led you down a short hallway, right by the entrance, adjacent to a bookcase.

“Well this is it,” he motioned to the room, it was blue, your favorite, which made you smile. You admired the pattern on the walls as he continued to talk about the room, “And this is the bathroom, the storm shut off the power a couple hours ago, so the heat still isn’t back on, but the hot water heater should be good. I’ll bring your stuff in while you shower...and extra blankets,” he giggled as his mind brought him back to your apartment in New York. You had the largest collection of blankets he’d ever seen.

“Thank you, I swear I’ll be out of here by tomorrow, I’ll call the hotel tomorrow morning to check on their status, but I think the system should be up by-” “Stop. Please tell me you’re kidding, you’re staying here as long as you need to.” He stood in the doorway of the room, resting his head against the wall. “Timothée...I couldn’t-” your fear of imposing was crawling back into your system, but to be honest, that wasn’t the biggest issue you had with this. You’re main problem was the idea of being stuck in a small, romantic apartment, in what happened to be the most romantic city on earth, with the last guy you wanted to feel romantic about at the moment.

“How long do they need you on set?” you sighed, knowing where this was going.

“Four weeks, then I have interviews and cameos lined up for two weeks after, then I’m flying back to New York, so technically six weeks-”

“Okay, well they need me here for two months and a half, that’s...” you giggled as he did the simple math in his head, “Ten weeks. So you are staying here, with me, in this apartment for the six weeks you need to be here.”

“Timothée...” the exhaustion was starting to really hit you.

“I’m not taking no for an answer, now go shower.” you caved.

“TMZ is going to LOVE this one,” you waved your hands in the air as you walked into the bathroom.

“I’m already expecting a very angry call from Celine once Kelsey lets her know,” you giggled as he mentioned his publicist, who always seemed to have an issue with something. You closed the door of the bathroom and sighed as you undressed.

After showering you dried your hair and picked up your phone, you hadn’t checked it since you were at the hotel. There was a missed call from your mom, so you left her a voicemail and quickly updated her on your situation. Kelsey had called about fifteen times in the past hour, and you did not plan on calling her back.

You stared at yourself in the mirror as you dried your hair until was at least damp. You put some blush over your cheeks once you realized it was only a little past 4:30. You put on leggings and a cropped-sweatshirt and you left your cozy room. You walked into the living room and spotted Timothée eating off of a plate of fruit at the kitchen counter while talking to his phone, you admired his outfit. He was wearing a dark green hoodie, simple, but the way it brought out his eyes made the butterflies in your stomach do flips.

“And there she is...” you heard him say to his screen, “I’m live on instagram. I was telling our fans the situation you’d gotten yourself into...” You rolled your eyes as you grabbed a strawberry and bit into it. He turned around the phone to show you to the camera, you waved and his fans went crazy, of course, “A situation, that wouldn’t have occurred, if you’d agreed to stay with me in the first place,” “Whatever, Timothée,” you laughed.

“Okay guys I’m gonna sign off...uh...how do I end this thing?” Timothée was probably the most intelligent man you knew, but his lack of energy on social media did not leave him particularly knowledgeable in moments like these.

“You have to click the ‘end live’ button.”

“Where’s that?”

“C'est dans le coin,” (it’s in the corner)

“Non, c'est ma photo de profil,” (no, that’s my profile picture)

“Ugh, laisse-moi le faire.” (let me do it) You grabbed his phone and waved goodbye to his fans as you ended the live. You laughed with him as you placed a bet on who would get the most calls from your publicists.

“Tu as faim? (are you hungry?) We could go out to a cafe a couple blocks away if you want.” He smiled as he popped a blueberry into his mouth and went to the refrigerator, grabbing whipped cream, your favorite, and a plate, where he put some whipped cream on it. You thanked him while you picked up another strawberry and dipped it in the whipped cream, melting over the fact that you didn’t have to ask.

“You know, I’m kinda hungry, mais je suis très, très fatigué... (but I am very, very tired)” you usually would’ve toughed it out and gone to dinner, having been pretty good at faking your way through a dinner at this point, but you were at a whole new level of sleep-deprived.

“Okay, so how about we get a couple margarita pizzas delivered and watch a movie. Sonne bien? (Sound good?)”

“That sounds amazing.” you sighed out of relief.

“The menu on my nightstand has the number on it, I’ll go call.” he squeezed your shoulder and walked into his room. You walked around, running your fingers over the bookshelves throughout the apartment. You smiled as your eyes laid on Call Me By Your Name, the book cover having the picture of him and Armie on it. You thought back to the night you’d met, and how nervous you were. You pulled the book out from the bookshelves, running your fingers over the cover. You thought about that little crush you’d had on him, how sweet he’d been to you, how he remained to be the same easy to talk to guy no matter how many more lead roles he booked. You felt your face heating up as you realized how it’d already felt too long since Ansel had teased you about it. You skimmed through the book, trying to find your moments, but you shut it as fast as you could once you found yourself imagining Timothée kissing you instead of Armie.

“L'avez-vous lu?” (Have you read it?) you jumped, dropping the book on the ground. Timothée was once again resting in the doorway of yet another room, he laughed once he realized he’d scared you.

“Yeah, actually, I read it the night after the premiere, wanted to see if it was as good as the move.” you giggled as you picked up the book and put it back in the bookcase while collecting yourself.

“What was the verdict?”

“I still think the movie was better, but if I anyone asks, I never said that...”

“Alright, I won’t say anything, I appreciate it though.” he laughed when he spoke. That smile was killing you. The doorbell rang and Timothée went to grab the pizza. You two ate and talked for a while, discussing the upcoming movie. You talked about how excited you were, you hadn’t danced in a movie since the one you were in with Zendaya. After you finished eating Timothée cleaned up and you argued over a movie to watch in his room.

“Y/n. You’ve never seen Pride and Prejudice? That has to be illegal in some countries. Everyone’s seen Pride And Prejudice!” You think this might’ve been the maddest you’d ever seen him before.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, the opportunity’s never presented itself. Let’s watch Marriage Story, we can watch Pride And Prejudice tomorrow? When I’m not about pass out from exhaustion...?”

“D’accord, d’accord, (okay, okay) fine. Marriage Story it is...” you let out a silent yes as you both walked into his room. He pulled back the closet doors to reveal a rather nice TV.

“Yay!” you giggled flopping down onto the right side of his bed, “This is the first time I’ve officially laid on a bed in about 40 hours.”

He smiled, typing in Marriage Story on Netflix before laying down on the opposite side of the bed.

About an hour and a half into the movie, about the fifth time you’d almost drifted off into sleep, you’d noticed Timothée had practically covered his whole body except for his eyes in a blanket. You took one look at him and bursted into laughter.

“Fuck off, I don’t understand how you’re not freezing right now.” he was right, it was pretty cold in the apartment, since the heat still wasn’t up yet.

“I like the cold...and the sound of the rain, this is all pretty relaxing to me...” you laughed.

“Okay fine then, come here.” he opened his arm towards you and your eyes snapped to meet his.

“What?”

“Come here, I’m cold, I need your body heat.” You’d cuddled with Timothée on multiple occasions, but all of them led to you stuck in your thoughts at night as feelings resurfaced, and most of them led to you realizing you never wanted to leave his arms. You looked into his pleading green eyes and melted, moving over and shifting yourself so you were right up against him. His arm reached around you and you laid your head on his chest. A couple minutes later, he spoke again.

“You know, you can go to sleep if you want.” he whispered as he started to lightly drag his hand up and down your back, you felt lucky you were way too tired to give it a second thought. You looked over to the clock on the nightstand, it was only 6:00.

“Non, je ne peux pas. (no, I can’t) I have to wake up early tomorrow and start learning a turn sequence for rehearsal. I can’t really risk my sleep schedule right now, you know that.” you muttered into his chest. You knew if you went to sleep now, you’d wake up at midnight and not be able to sleep, then fall into a schedule of going to bed at dinner time, which wouldn’t work out well with your schedule for the movie.

“There’s only a half hour or so left in the movie, go to sleep and I promise I’ll wake you up when it ends, you haven’t slept in so long,” he started to draw circles on the exposed space between your leggings and your sweatshirt, his cold, soft, fingers giving you goosebumps, “détends-toi.” (just relax) You sighed into his chest as his hands started to lull you to sleep.

“Y/n, the movie’s over,” You awoke to Timothée lightly whispering in your ear. You leaned up and rubbed your eyes.

“Hi.” your eyes met his.

“Hi sleeping beauty.” He smiled and you blushed at the nickname. He knew it reminded of you the ballet, making your eyes light up every time you spoke about it. You realized how close his face was to yours. You became strongly aware of how close his lips were to yours, how easy it would be to just inch a little closer, and meet them with yours, and more importantly, how bad you wanted to. How bad you wanted to make that tiny little space vanish. You snapped out of it once you’d realized you were staring, hoping he didn’t notice too, but he did, he always did, you just didn’t know it. It was a quarter till seven, you sat up on the bed, and he did with you, needing to keep yourself busy so you wouldn’t fall asleep again. He kept his arm around you, and you two started to talk. You loved the late night talks you had, wether it was at midnight or just after lunch. You eventually made your way to the living room, and Timothée poured you both glasses of wine as you took your seat on the couch.

“So, are you nervous for your first day of rehearsals?” He handed you your glass and put his arm back around you. It was a stupid question, of course you were nervous, you were always nervous, about every new opportunity that came your way.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta a couple turn sequences to memorize tomorrow. I just hope I don’t embarrass myself too much.” you were beyond nervous to work with the choreographer on this movie.

“Stop, you’ll be fine, they didn’t even audition you. They practically begged you to be in this film.” he wasn’t wrong, the director had reached out himself, saying he didn’t even need to see you, he’d just send you the script and wait for your response.

“Doesn’t mean I’m good enough for the role though, you know? They haven’t even seen me in the choreography, or how I fit with the other dancers, or any of it. I could be a total mess and they couldn’t do anything about it.”

“You’ve got to stop doubting yourself, do I have to remind you who you are?” He playfully shoved you, “I’ll never understand how you flawlessly played Sleeping Beauty in front of 3,800 people once a week for six months, but you somehow still doubt yourself when you’re just going to be in a room with a couple people?” he had a good point, but you didn’t see it like that.

“First of all, and you know this better than I do, the lights block out the audience when you’re on stage. And second of all, doing that show every day is ten million times less scary than being judged in a small room with people that matter.” “I know what you mean..., but I still think you’re too good to doubt yourself...”

“Oh really Mr. Hotshot?” it was you shoving him this time.

“One day...y/n/n...,” he took a sip of his wine, “...one day I’m gonna get you to realize how amazing you are.” You looked at him and sighed.

“One day...,” you took a sip of your wine before sitting in down on the coffee table, it was finally past ten, you’d been talking for hours and barely realized. You could finally go to bed without ruining your sleep schedule, “I should probably head to bed.”

“I’ll get your glass, goodnight Y/n.”

“Goodnight Timothée.”

And there it was again, there you were again. You were doing what you knew you’d be doing the second you caved and allowed yourself to fall into his arms during the movie. The same as you did any time the two of you had gotten remotely close to each other. Every time you sat together on the couch in Z’s apartment. Every time Ansel had made a joke about your little crush, the one that was beginning to grow larger and larger. Damn. You were in for a long night of over-thinking.

Some of you asked to be tagged holy shit you guys have no idea how happy that makes me oh my god, I’m still tagging ppl btw, my phone’s dead lol so I’m on my mac:

@sspidermanss @fandom-food-fire @gigi-maria-argu @meaganl124 @danidomm

I DONT LIKE THIS NEARLY AS MUCH AS I LIKE THE FIRST PART IM SORRY :(( I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE ON THE FIRST PART. IDK WHAT IM GONNA DO FOR PART THREE. I wanted to like make him start dating Lily and then y/n like cries to Zendaya and I had a lot of thought about that...please let me know about part 3!!!!!!

#timothee chalamet #timothée chalamet imagine #timothée chalamet #timothée smut #timothée x reader #armie x timothee #zendaya #ansel elgort #timothee fanfic #timothee x reader #timothee x you #timothee red carpet #timotheetea #timothée #just friends

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castiel-barnes · 3 years

Text

What?

Pairing: Poe Dameron × Pregnant! Reader (Y/N)

Summary: You get some unexpected news and somehow you have to break it to Poe.

Word count: 3.28k

Warnings: Swear words, mentions of vomiting. Very very soft Poe and BB8.

A/n: I thought I'd stir up the pot on this one, I got a little time to do a little bit of writing so I'm doing this piece. Don't worry i am still trying to think of how im gonna write the Frankie story. I know some of this is probably inaccurate, but I've never given birth so the stuff I've written I've researched.

Tags: @phoenixhalliwell

Your husband Poe was on a little trip off Yavin IV, whilst you were home sorting out a few things like packing away bits and pieces from your recent move. Both Poe and you wanted to come live on his home planet of Yavin, and now that the war was over and you no longer lived in fear and have to relocate every once in a while it was perfect.

You was in the living room arranging the bookshelf, when you had first felt it. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to throw up. Rushing to the refresher you hunched over and started hurling. You was the only one home at the moment, and you was glad cause you didn't want to worry Poe or BB8. Sitting there, you thought to when you had last had a period. Shit. Your due date was past by almost a week. After you cleaned yourself up, you decided that you had to go get a pregnancy test.

Knowing that Poe wasn't back until later that evening, you knew you had time to prepare a little suprise. You had bought a test and now you sat by yourself in the refresher with the test in front of you.

"H-holy shit." You said looking at the test.

It was positive.

You were pregnant.

You both wanted children, that much was true. Poe wanted a little girl and name her after his mother, and you agreed it was a beautiful name after all. However, you didn't think to have them this soon after the war. You wanted to settle down in your home, get to know the planet better before you had children. You had to think of a plan. A plan to tell both Poe and BB8.

Poe and BB8 came home and they were both excited to see you. But the original plan you had went completely out the window. And Poe could pick up on your anxiety.

"Beebs can you leave the room for a moment please. And no eavesdropping, we both know what you're like." Poe said with a slight chuckle, and then he turned his attention to you.

"Baby? What's wrong?" He asked concern etched on his face,

"I-i didn't want to tell you like this, a-and I know that we agreed that we'd do this after we settled down. And that we were going to do it together. B-but you know things happen." You replied rambling with tears dripping down your face. Poe took his hand in yours and sat you down.

"Y/n, honey calm down. What.... what are you trying to say?" He frowned questioning you,

"I'm.... I'm pregnant Poe." You replied letting out a sigh and studying his face. He was still frowning but he had confusion on his face.

"What?" He asked again,

"I'm pregnant. We're gonna have a kid." You replied, this time setting the positive pregnancy test in the palm of his hand. He looked at it, his mouth open in awe and then he looked back up at you. This time you were not the only one with tears. He smiled and incased you in a hug. You felt a few warm tears land on your shoulder, but you knew he was happy. Looking back up at you, he wiped a few of your tears from your cheeks.

"When did you find out?" Poe questioned,

"This afternoon. I was in the living room, when I felt sick and I went to the refresher to throw up. And I was going to suprise you, but I started to panic. I remembered that I was a week late." You responded looking down at the test that was now between the two of you on the sofa.

"We're gonna be fine yeah baby?" Poe said, you nodded,

"We need to tell BB." You stated. Poe held onto your hand kissed you before calling in BB8.

"Hey beebs you can come back now." Poe called out. You were both expecting BB to roll back in the room, but there came no droid.

"Beebs?" Poe called again, but still no response. Sighing, Poe got up and walked out the room looking for BB. A moment later you hear Poe talking to him,

"Droid! What are you doing? Did you fry a chip again? C'mon buddy, stop wondering. Mum and I got something to tell you."

You smiled at Poe calling the two of you mum and dad. Especially now that it was true, and were having a human child. Both of them came into the room and Poe sat down next to you.

"Do you want to tell him darling?" Poe asked you,

"You can tell him baby." You responded.

"Ok uhm.... buddy listen. I think it's about time we give a meaning to BB. yeah?" Poe started and BB8 beeped in response,

"Well Beebs, I think BB should now stand for big brother. How does that sound?" He continued. BB8 let out a short beep,

'Really?'

"Yeah buddy that's right, you're gonna be a big brother." You said laughing, as you both watched BB8 twirling around. He rolled up to you and nudged your leg,

'A little sibling?'

"Yeah beebs a little sibling." You responded smiling and rubbing his belly.

***************

Few weeks later:

It had been a few weeks since you had found out that you were pregnant, and you told both Poe and BB8.

It was early this one morning, and by this time you had been semi acquainted with the feeling of sickness. Not that you enjoyed it. You rushed to the refresher, not wanting to wake Poe up. But you knew he was still a light sleeper, from the shared experience in the resistance. You felt Poe's hand on your back, rubbing it gently in circles.

"I'm here baby, your alright." Poe whispered to you. You leaned back into him after you finished throwing up.

"I hate throwing up." You said nuzzling into his neck,

"I know sweetheart, I know. But its gonna be so fucking worth it." Poe reassured you.

"You getting tired baby?" Poe asked and you nodded. You wiped and rinsed your mouth so you wouldn't have the gross taste, and the next thing you knew Poe was picking you up and carrying you back to bed.

Poe laid you down gently on the bed, and kissed the top of your head.

“Do you want ginger tea?” Poe asked quietly,

“Yes please.” You replied snuggling under the blanket.

A few minutes later Poe came back with a mug of steaming hot ginger tea. Setting the cup down on the bedside table, he walked around the bed and sat back down in the bed. You snuggled into Poe’s side and started to drift off again, but not before you took a few sips of the tea.

******************************

12 weeks pregnant:

“Poe. Baby wake up, we finally can see our little bean. Poe!” you said swatting him awake. He looked at you with a sleepy smile, and fucking hell you could die for that smile and his unruly curls.

“Let’s get breakfast, and then we can finally see our baby Dameron.” Poe replied whilst gently cupping your stomach.

After the two of you had your breakfast, you both quickly got changed. Down in the medbay, you sat there nervously and started fidgeting. It was going to be the first time either of you had seen your baby.

"Hey, you alright?" Poe asked,

"Yeah I'm a bit nervous but I'm excited." You replied holding Poe's hand. You sat there for a little while longer and then got called into the doctors room.

"Oh fuck that's cold." You exclaimed as the nurse put the cold gel on your tummy. Poe smiled at you, and continued to hold your hand. The next thing you see, is your baby on the monitor.

"Aww sweetheart, look it's our a little baby dameron." Poe said to you. In his eyes you could see a little tear forming, you could tell he was happy and proud. Proud of you. You're literally carrying his kid for 9 months, and you had helped Poe every step of the way as a resistance general. You had also helped him through many nightmares and after he'd come back from various missions injured. Proud of himself. Both of you know that his parents would be proud of the 2 of you, but mostly Poe. They'd be proud of the man he has become. A resistance general. A husband. And now a father.

"Our baby is so small." You let out in a whisper,

"Yeah they are aren't they darling." Poe responded with a smile. A while later, the two of you made it back home. Your cravings hadn't been crazy crazy, but you craved a lot of jogan fruit and blue milk pancakes. So, you decided that you wouldn't go out anymore today, unless it was absolutely necessary. Poe had you snuggled up in his arms and was watching some old holovids, with a bowl of jogan fruit between the two of you.

Looking at the scan of the baby again, tears started to come to your eyes. Pregnancy hormones. You knew you'd get them at some point, but you wasn't sure when. Poe seemed to notice that you had started to cry and immediately comforted you.

"Hey, hey baby what's wrong?" Poe asked quickly grabbing a tissue for you,

"T-they're gonna be so small. Like gonna be smaller than BB8 and- and BB8 is gonna be the best big brother ever." You replied sobbing in his arms.

"Oh Y/N sweetheart, is it hormones?" Poe asked gently holding you to his chest. You nodded and continued to cry. BB8 rolled up to you and let out a confused beep. He didn't understand why you were crying, there was no bad news, nothing bad had happened. Poe just shook his head and the droid rolled away.

"They're gonna be so cute and small. I just know that they're gonna be as smart as their momma. And BB8 is definitely gonna be the best big brother throughout the entire galaxy." Poe continued. He stayed like that with you for a long time, until he couldn't hear you crying anymore. As he looked down, he discovered that you had fell asleep in his arms.

***************************

30 weeks pregnant:

It had been about 10 weeks since you had found out that the two of you were having a little girl. In honour of Poe's mother, you both decided that your little girl was gonna be named after his mother. Shara Bey Dameron.

You had both been in bed for quite a while now. It was about 2 in the morning. However, little Shara had other ideas and wanted to kick you. You had sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed with one hand on your stomach and one supporting you. It had been late, and you didn't want to wake Poe like usual. But knowing him, he wouldn't stay asleep.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you were half asleep but desperate for actual sleep. Feeling the bed shift behind you, you felt Poe's hand gently on your back.

"Hey, you alright?" Poe asked with a deep sleep filled voice,

"Hmm? Oh.. yeah I'm fine baby, just tired. Shara hasn't stopped kicking for the past hour. And I really need to go toilet." You responded, your voice still hoarse from the lack of sleep you had.

"Do you want me to help you?" Poe asked, already knowing the answer and moving to your side of the bed,

"Please." You said, letting Poe come to you. As he came round to your side of the bed he kneeled down first and placed his hand on your stomach.

"Hey baby girl, can you not kick momma anymore tonight please? She's very tired and I know your excited to exist, but you gotta let her sleep. Okay little one?" Poe whispered softly to Shara. And somehow it seemed to work. You squinted your eyes at him. Was he magical or something. You had tried for the past hour to stop her kicking you and it didn't work.

"How did you do that?" You asked him,

"I don't know, I just told her to stop. C'mon Mrs Dameron, let's get you to the refresher to go toilet. Yeah?" Poe stated.

"Yeah. Thank you Mr Dameron." You replied holding onto him as he helped you up,

"It's not a problem honey, you know that." He said with a smile. The two of you returned to the bedroom and Shara was still calm. Finally you were able to get some proper sleep.

In the morning, Poe had let you sleep in knowing that night you had. With Shara kicking you, and needing to go to the refresher a few times. It was no doubt you needed extra sleep.

A while later you awoke, with Poe still in bed next to you.

"Hey there baby." You said looking at him with a sleepy smile,

"Hey, how you feeling darling?" Poe replied cupping your baby bump with his warm hands.

"Like shit, but it's not long now until we meet our little shara." You responded laying your head on his shoulder. He smiled at you and kissed your forehead.

"I can't wait to meet her. She's going to be so adorable baby." Poe said smiling still cupping the bump. He slid down the bed slowly and placed his head gently on your bump.

"Hey there baby girl, it's papa. How are you today my little one? Are you behaving this morning? You made momma real tired last night baby girl, you need to calm down honey. You're just like your dad, but we expected that didn't we momma?" Poe said talking to the bump and kissing it gently.

"Yeah we did honey." You answered, smiling softly at the sight before you. Shara wasn't even there yet, but Poe was already being a really good father. And husband.

You wouldn’t trade him for the galaxy. He was nice, kind, cute, hot, strong, funny and caring. The first time the two of you had met, he had helped you to fix something on your X-Wing and he asked you to go to drinks afterwards cause he thought you were cute. The two of you had both fallen hard for each other. And even now when you didn't think you could fall anymore for him. You could. The sight before you made your heart burst with love. Just seeing Poe talk to your baby girl, and telling her stories that she wouldn't be able to remember until she was older. It was something you wouldn't have thought would happen all those years ago, when you were by yourself on Tattoine.

*************************

39 weeks pregnant:

Poe was somewhere else in the house at the time. You just got back into the bedroom from the refresher when you felt it. Luckily BB8 was in the room with you. Your water had just broke. It's happening.

"S-shit. POOEE!" You shouted for him, but he couldn't hear you.

"POOEE!" You shouted again, but still nothing,

'Mum?' BB8 beeped confused.

"Beebs go get dad now!! Tell him its happening. Oooooh shit." You replied to him, and then having a contraction.

'Ok.' BB replied to you and rolled away quickly.

BB found Poe and rolled up to him as quick as possible.

"Woah buddy you know the speed limit in the house." Poe said with a chuckle,

'Dad! Shut up! Mum needs you. She said it's happening.' BB let an annoyed and worried beep, wanting to get back to you.

"Shit!" Poe exclaimed running towards the bedroom with droid in tow. Rushing into the room, instantly coming to you.

"Honey why didn't you shout for me?" Poe asked letting you hold onto his hand,

"I did. F-fuck shit. Poee we need to go now." You groaned going through another contraction and squeezing his hand.

"Alright sweetheart, I've got you. I've got your hospital bag. Let's go." Poe replied helping you.

When you finally got to the med Bay, you were half way to being fully dilated. As you laid there in the bed, Poe stayed with you the entire time holding your hand.

"How you feeling honey?" Poe asked stroking your hair back.

"Like crap baby. Ohhh poe go get the nurse, I really want to push oohh shit." You replied throwing your head back at the intensifying pain, that you could feel even though you had been given medication.

"O-ok baby I'll be right back." Poe said rushing out the room to find a nurse. Not a minute later, he came back with some nurses and went back to holding your hand.

"Start pushing Y/n." The nurse told you, and you started to push.

"AHHHH f-fuck. Poe I can't do it. Ahhh!" You said panting and yelling in pain,

"Yes you can sweetie. You're so strong Y/N/N, come on darling just a few more pushes and we'll get to make our baby girl." Poe replied, stroking your hair back and letting you squeeze his hand as possible.

"Ahhhh fucking kriffing fuck!" You yelled with a final push. The next thing you heard was your baby cries filling the room. Looking over you see the nurses cleaning Shara and then passing her to you.

"Oh my god. Hey baby girl. Hi." You said to Shara who was laying on your chest with you crying. Looking over at Poe you saw his eyes streaming with tears and a huge smile on his face.

"Honey, look at her she's so beautiful." You said still tearful,

"She's so beautiful just like her momma." Poe replied with a crack in his voice.

"Do you wanna hold your daughter baby?" You asked looking at him. He looked at you with a look that made your heart burst again. He nodded and stood up so he could pick Shara up.

Poe took Shara from you so gently and cradled her in his arms. Shara was so tiny compared to him, and there he stood with his daughter barely an hour old.

"Hey my little girl. You're so cute, aww that's a big yawn. Look at you, you're so beautiful and your our little rebel." Poe cooed.

He walked over to you after walking around the room with Shara, and sat down gently on the bed next to you. Poe held Shara in one arm and you in the other.

"You done so well honey. I'm so proud of you." Poe said kissing the top of your head,

"Thank you baby. I couldn't have done it without you. I can't wait for beebs to meet his little sister." You replied leaning into his touch.

"I can't wait either baby. Get some rest okay? You just pushed out a whole ass human, you deserve some sleep." Poe stated looking at you already starting to drift off. You hummed in response and fell asleep, whilst Poe stayed there and held Shara.

*********************************

A while later:

You and your family had finally made it home. Poe had carried Shara in her seat, and you followed suite with your hospital bag.

"Hey beebs we're home!" You stated and as soon as you did, the little droid came rolling in all excited.

"Hey buddy, you gotta be quiet okay? Your little sister is sleeping." Poe said to BB8,

'Okay' BB beeped quietly.

Poe sat the baby chair down and knelt down next to it. Gently, he got Shara out and showed her to BB8.

'Is she really my little sister?' BB beeped quietly, observing the very small human being in her dad's arms,

"Yeah buddy, she is." You replied walking over to the three of them. What happened next made your heart swell to the size of the sun. And made Poe almost cry. Very carefully, BB8 moved his head forwards and placed it ever so lightly on Shara's.

'I love you.' BB beeped.

"Aww buddy." Poe said with a crack in his voice.

From that moment on, BB had stayed in Shara's nursery every night and every day she stayed in there for a nap. You couldn't ask for a better family. It was just you, Poe, BB8 and Shara. And that's all that you needed.

#poe dameron #star wars #writing #oscar isaac #pregnancy

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loverofmine5sos · 4 years

Text

Im Sorry - Ashton Irwin

Pairing: Y/N x Ashton

Summary / Notes: You and Ashton get in a huge argument, but make up. This might be a little bit triggering to some.

Warnings: Mentions of fighting, Mentions of anxiety, Swearing, Mentions of past truama.

Words: 1.3k

Authors notes: This one honestly made me sad, I could never see Ash being like this. I got this idea at random which also inspired another idea for a future imagine so look out for that! Any suggestions for future blurbs/imagines? Let me know! .

It had been a fairly calm day, not much going on. Ashton had been at the studio all day, leaving you home alone with not much to do.

You cleaned the whole house, watched tv, and did basically everything you could. At this moment you were laying in yours and Ashtons dimly lit bedroom.

It was around 10 pm, making the bedroom dark. The only thing giving off light in the room was the tv playing some random tv show, as you scrolled on twitter.

All of a sudden you heard the front door open, and slamming shut. You jumped at the sudden loudness, and decided to walk downstairs to see why Ashton was being so loud.

You knew it was him who had opened the door because nobody else would have. You slowly walked down the stairs of the house, walking into the hallway that led to the front door.

“Ashton?” You say looking up at him as he takes off his jacket and shoes. “Hm?” He says looking down at you, and you immediately smelled the alcohol on his breath.

“I thought you weren’t doing that anymore” you sigh loudly and see his eyes go dark. “Doing what?” He spat back and rolled his eyes, moving past you walking into the living room.

He sat on the couch and huffed. “Doing this ashton! Get home from the studio, drunk as fuck, and then sit and roll your eyes at me all night!” You say loudly following him to the living room couch.

“Why’s it your problem what I do anyways!” He yells back obviously a lot louder than you. Your expression immediately changes, from being mad to scared. “Im just looking out for your health” you say quietly looking at the ground.

“It’s my own concern! You’re so clingy!” He stands up getting closer to you. This wasn’t the first time this happened. Ash wasn’t the type to fight, but often got very bad when you did. Him being intoxicated didn’t help the situation.

You hated when you both argued, it hurt you. You love Ashton with all of your heart and hate to see him upset at you. Not to mention yelling brought you back to past situations, with other people, and caused you extreme anxiety.

“I-I-“ you start to speak softly, stuttering. But immediately get cut off by Ashtons loud voice. “Don’t even start with your fucking excuses!” He yells out loudly.

“T-They’re not ex-excuses” you say, but soon realizing that will upset him more. He sighs loudly and walks closer to you. You slowly back up, soon hitting the wall behind you.

“Really? Because I think they are” he says in a deep tone. He gets even closer to you, but you can’t move back any further. You can feel his hot breath above you as he stands so close to you, that he’s almost pressed up against you.

“I d-don’t understand why are y-you being like this! Im just looking our f-for you!” You say trying not to stutter but still end up stuttering a lot. “Because! All you do is talk! Ashton this and Ashton that!” He says loudly making you jump.

“You’re so fucking concerned about me just leave me the hell alone! Im a fucking adult and can make my own decisions!” He says even louder.

You start breathing heavier. His yelling was scaring you. You had never in your life been scared of Ashton, but in this moment he seemed absolutely terrifying. He was never this loud with you.

You could tell he hadn’t drunk much because he wasn’t stumbling or slurring his words. Meaning this all, was genuinely coming from him. You felt him grab your wrist bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Im sorry” you said starting to tear up. You didn’t mean for this all to happen, you just wanted the argument to be over. You were breathing extremely heavy still, causing you to start shaking.

“It doesn’t seem like it!” He yells again, causing you to whimper. “God damn stop acting like this!” He says, implying he was mad you were shaking and crying.

“I-I can’t help it” you say ending up crying harder. Ashton knew you couldn’t control your anxiety. He rolls his eyes at you grabbing your wrist harder and not letting go. He didn’t realize that he was hurting you.

“S-stop!” You cried sliding down the wall, unable to support your weight anymore from crying. He let go if your wrist finally and let out a loud sigh making you gulp loudly.

You didn’t want him to yell anymore, you knew if he yelled any more you would be sent into a full blown anxiety attack and you just couldn’t deal with it. All you wanted was sweet ash back, loving you, cuddling you, and not yelling at you.

You were crying so bad you didn’t notice him back away a little. “You know what? Im done” he says loudly grabbing his phone and walking out of your guys’ house. You immediately knew he was going to the bar to probably forget about his stress.

You continued crying, alone. After almost 30 minutes you heard the front door. Thinking it was Ashton, you stayed silent. You didn’t want to upset him more.

All of a sudden you see Michael walk into the living room. As soon as he saw you he came over pulling you onto his lap. “Shh what happened?” He says holding you tightly noticing your tear stained cheeks.

Your cheeks were now a dark shade of red from crying. You look up at him trying not to cry. “Wh-why are you here?” You say quietly. “Ashton called.. all he told me was to come over here by you” Michael said and picked you up bringing you over to the couch.

It was normal for you and him to be this close, seeing as he’s your best friend. After a few seconds you finally could answer. “W-we got in a fight” you sighed.

You and ashton hadn’t fought for months, until today. Michael’s face turns to a frown and holds you. “He cares” Michael said keeping you tight in his grip.

“He thinks I’m clingy” you mumble putting your face into Mikey’s chest. “He wanted me to make sure you were okay though. He really does care, he cried to me on the phone y/n” he said letting his grip loosen.

“What do you mean?” You say looking up at him. “He called me as soon as he left the house. He didn’t say what the situation was.. but he was crying, he kept mentioning all he wanted was you to be okay, and how he fucked up badly. then before he hung up was to check on you” He says sighing.

“W-where is he?” You say hoping Michael knows where he is. “He said he was taking a walk, I’m gonna stay until he comes home okay?” Michael says setting you on the couch next to him.

You nod and lay your head on his lap. You didn’t notice yourself fall asleep until you woke up, hearing Ashton walk in the front door crying, and not seeing Michael.

You sat up and went to hug him. Eventually he calmed down and started to talk. “I-I’m so sorry” he stuttered out. “It’s okay” you mumble with your head on his shoulder.

“It’s not.. I upset you, I hurt you, i’m such a bad boyfriend” he says starting to tear up. “Im okay ash” you said kissing his cheek gently. “Why?” He asks not understanding how you could still love him or be okay after that.

“Because.. I love you a lot.. I know you would never do something to actually hurt me” you sigh letting go of him finally.

“Let me make it up to you” he says sniffling looking down at you. “You don’t have-“ you start to say but he cuts you off. “I want to, and im gonna” he says wiping his eyes.

You nod and follow him to your shared bedroom, where he definitely ends up making up for it.

#5sos #michael clifford #ashton irwin #calum hood #luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #5sos4 #5sos imagines #5sos imagine #5sos blurb #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin blurb

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

Note

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

Text

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

#survey

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: i wanted to post this chapter quickly because it followed the other. but i promise a LOT of fluff in the next few chapters!!! super super fluff with lots of love and affection!! :D

no request for this chapter but I promise a few in the next!

Chapter 43 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I was exhausted when everyone left and we both walked to Niall's room slowly without sharing a word. I got undressed and put a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on and when I turned around, I realized he was doing the same thing, jumping slightly to pull his pants up.

"Can I ask you something random?" he wondered, without looking at me.

The fact that his eyes wouldn't meet mine made me frown and I just licked my lips, shrugging a shoulder.

"You can ask me anything, you know it."

I kept looking at him but he was just standing on his side, looking at the wall in front of him as he put his shirt on and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. I didn't know what he wanted to ask, and I didn't know why he was avoiding my gaze, but it started stressing me. He cleared his throat and looked down at his wrist as he took his watch off.

"While I was gone did you... I mean, you spent a lot of time with Louis so I was wondering if you had... thought about him in a... sexual way."

My lips parted in shock as I kept staring at my boyfriend. I probably remained quiet for a bit too long because he finally turned to me, his eyes meeting mine.

"So?"

"Why would you ask me that?" I frowned more, wondering where exactly that came from.

"And why won't you answer?"

Something instantly seemed to click inside me and my traits softened as my heart twisted in my chest. I took a step closer and shook my head lightly as he kept looking at me. I didn't want to have this discussion. I was tired, a bit sad because of all the comments I had read online about me and the last thing I needed were those kinds of questions, but I felt like it was deeper than it seemed and it hurt me in a way I couldn't explain.

"You're asking me that because you did... you wanted to fuck someone else when you were gone. Maybe more than one girl, too." I let out so low, watching his face change. "You said you didn't cheat on me but you... you wanted to do it."

"Okay so I thought about shagging one random girl after being away from you for weeks, it means nothing!" he quickly let out, his voice a bit louder than I expected. "But you! You thought about one of my best mates fucking you! Maybe even here! In my house!"

"I never said I thought about him like that!" I argued, raising my voice too and taking a step forward. "You know I love you!"

"This is not about love! It's about sex!"

"You said it was linked!" I let out, almost screaming. His face changed again and I could swear I read guilt all over it. I swallowed hard and my voice got back to a normal tone. "Remember? You said it's normally not linked but that this relationship was different."

"Did you or did you not think about Louis like that?" he asked again, ignoring my comment.

I blinked a few times, trying to remember the feelings and thoughts i may have had when I spent time with Louis but to me, it was ridiculous.

"Does it make you feel better?" I asked, shaking my head a bit, not believing we were having this discussion. "Would it make you feel better to know you're not the only one who wanted to fuck someone else? So you can stop feeling guilty for flirting with that girl in an other country while I was here waiting for you to call?"

"You're avoiding my question!" he said in an angry tone, making me frown.

"No! My answer is no!" It took me a few seconds to realize that tears were falling down my cheeks but I didn't know if I was crying of pain or anger. "You're alone in that, Niall! So that bad guilty feeling eating you up? You fucking deserve it!"

I was expecting him to scream back at me but I was hoping he'd apologize. He did neither. He stared at me for a few seconds and finally grabbed his wallet next to the bed and walked past me. I wanted to run after him but I felt paralyzed and it's only when I heard the front door slam that I breathed in, realizing I had stopped. I felt my legs wobble and sat on the bed, swallowing my pain and closing my eyes. I felt like shit for the argument we just had but at the same time, I was too hurt to try and solve it. Did Niall really think about an other girl? I knew it was normal to lust other people to some extent but that didn't mean it didn't hurt... How could he lust someone else so soon in this relationship? Could we blame that on the distance? I rubbed my eyes a few times but couldn't hold it anymore and started crying.

I lied down in bed and wrapped the covers over myself, rubbing my face on the pillow. I suddenly realized that it would always feel like that and that I'd always be scared of what could happen. The self-confidence I didn't have was going to hurt me and ruin my relationship. Niall hadn't done anything but I was crying as if he had and I couldn't control the tears. I wanted to text him to come back but if I wanted to be honest with myself, I knew it was okay to be away from each other for a few hours.

I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up, I realized it was still the middle of the night. I heard Niall drop his keys on the coffee table in the living room and sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"Stupid couch!" he tried to whisper, mumbling his words.

I held my breath when I realized he had drank and felt my heart twist in my chest. I knew that having an other discussion at that moment would be bad and I just lied back down and closed my eyes, waiting for him to walk in. He eventually did and it didn't take him long to get under the covers with me. I tried to keep my tears in but the fact that he lied down with his back facing me hurt me even more than I already was. I waited until my eyes got used to the darkness and stared at the back of his nape, doing everything I could not to bring my hand to his hair. I was not mad at him anymore, just hurt and sad, and when he started snoring lightly, I moved close enough to him to feel the warmth of his body emanate on mine. Slowly, I brought my face closer and pressed my lips gently on his neck.

"I love you, Niall." I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Goodnight."

-----

When I woke up the next day it took me a few seconds to remember the fight we had the night before. I reached in bed, running my hand on the cold and soft sheets, only to realize Niall wasn't in bed anymore. I felt my heart hurt and I sighed before opening my eyes and staring up at the ceiling. Niall and I rarely fought and if i wanted to be honest, everything had happened so quickly that I wasn't sure what exactly went on. When he read the mean comments online, he made it clear that it was not what he thought of me and only a few hours later, he accused me to have impure thoughts for his friend. He didn't admit it but I knew he had wanted to have sex with girls he met during his trip and even if it hurt like hell, I knew it was not a reason to fight. Niall had always been popular, whether it was just around our small town, or around the world, and he was never really the kind of guy to get into steady relationships. He did have a few but in the end, he always seemed happier when he was single. The truth was, I wanted to be the exception. I wanted to be the girl who would make it all worth it.

I got up and shivered, feeling goosebumps appear all over my body. I searched through his stuff and found one of his sweaters, quickly putting it on. As soon as I opened the door, I smelled coffee and walked quickly until the kitchen. He was there, his back facing me as he cleaned the mess we had left the night before with our friends. I noticed a cup of steaming coffee waiting for me on the island and pressed my lips together as I walked closer. It was my favorite mug and it made me smile. I glanced up but he was still not looking at me even if I knew he heard me and could feel my presence. I took a few sips as he brought the dirty dishes on the counter and started filling the sink. I didn't say anything, I just walked up to him and he moved away, giving me space. I put myself in front of the sink and started adding soap in it as it filled. There was clearly too much foam and I finally heard his voice for the first time this morning.

"Maybe you put too much soap, don't you think?"

His words made my heart jump in my chest as I thought about the last time he said that to me. We normally put the dishes in the dishwasher and I couldn't help but think he did that on purpose, just to remind me of that time at the lodge. I felt my lips curl and I chuckled low, grabbing foam with my hand and turning his way before blowing on it.

"You're gonna pay for that." he had talked low and gently and I suspected it was more to make that memory live again than out of annoyance.

I laughed and turned around, leaning my ass against the sink. He took a step my way slowly, pressing his body against mine as I looked up. I didn't say anything when he brought his hand from behind my back only to wipe foam on my nose but my smile got bigger and I raised my nose up in an amused grimace.

"Is that the best you can do?" I asked low, slowly taking the foam off.

He shook his head, a smile on his face, and finally bent down to press his lips against mine. I waited until he deepened the kiss and just closed my eyes, letting him lead. He tasted like coffee and I just enjoyed the way his tongue moved against mine. No one had ever kissed me the way Niall did. At first, I thought it was simply because of the feelings I had for him but with time, I realized it was more than that. We didn't just kiss like lovers, we kissed like lovers who have known each other for decades, and it made a huge difference.

"I love you so much, petal." he breathed in my mouth. "I'm so sorry for last night."

Instead to answer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeper. We remained like that for a while but he finally pulled away slightly and leaned his forehead against mine as his hands reached my waist. He led me back until an other part of the counter, exactly where I was sitting the night before, and helped me sit on it again.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, trying to pull on my sweatpants as I stared at him.

I didn't know if he apologized for the fight or for the fact that he wanted to have sex with someone else but in the end, it didn't matter. I nodded slowly, looking back in his eyes, and moved my butt up to let him pull my pants down. His lips reached for my neck and after only a few seconds, he got down on his knees and my lips parted in surprise. His lips brushed on my thighs and I held my breath until he pressed them on my pussy. Skillfully, his tongue slid inside me and I shut my eyes tight.

"Fuck."

This is not what I had expected my morning to be like. I thought we'd have a discussion or that we'd fight again, but I honestly didn't think i'd end up sitting on the kitchen's counter with Niall's face between my legs, not that I was complaining. We had spent many days just us two, making love whenever we wanted, after he came back, but I could never get too much of his lips wrapped around my clit.

"Oh god don't stop, i'm gonna cum."

I brought my hand to his hair and gripped it gently as I ground my hips against his mouth until I reached an orgasm. It spread all over me and I started shaking but I felt Niall's hand holding my knees apart as he stayed between my legs until my whole body relaxed. My eyes fluttered open and he got up. I smiled when I noticed his lips glistening from my orgasm and grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him closer.

"How bad do you want to be inside me?" I whispered, rubbing my parted lips against his wet ones.

He didn't answer, he just smiled and I glanced down only to see him pull his sweatpants down his ass.

"Do you think the table can support my weight?" I asked with a smirk before chuckling.

I didn't wait for his answer and got off the counter to reach the table. I sat on it and felt his hands run on my thighs and up my waist, grabbing the bottom of my sweatshirt and pulling it off for me and letting it fall on the floor. He kissed me softly, running one of his hands between my breasts and pushing me gently. I lied down and sent him a smile as his eyes roamed on my naked body. Quickly, I watched him grab the back of his shirt to take it off and he moved closer to the table.

"I want you so fucking bad." he admitted in a whisper. "I want no one else. Just you. All of you."

I swallowed my tears and smiled at him fondly, watching him through my eyelashes. I could feel his hard cock press on my pussy, his tip gliding easily on my clit and making my legs tense.

"Then take me, i'm all yours." I murmured back. "I've always been yours."

He moved away slightly only to push himself very slowly inside me, his eyes never leaving mine. I tried to focus on how well he filled me and how our bodies always seemed to fit perfectly but I cared more about the way he was looking at me... like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen... like I was the only girl worth looking at. I didn't know why he was looking at me like that and I was well aware that he had met girls a million times prettier, and seen girls naked with perfect bodies... but in that very moment, because of the way he was looking at me, I felt like I beat all of them.

"Oh my god." I whispered when he was completely inside me.

I pressed my lips together and he remained still. I could feel myself throb around his cock but I tried not to move as his hands traveled on my breasts and stomach gently. I didn't want to feel self-conscious, I just wanted to enjoy this moment and live it plenty. Slowly, he bent closer and his lips reached mine. I kept my arms on each side of my head and felt his hands travel on them before reaching my fingers and gripping them. He moved his hips slightly back before pushing himself inside me again and it made me whimper.

"I love you so much, you feel so fucking good." he whispered again, taking my upper lip between his and sucking on it gently. "You're so fucking wet, warm and tight." he added just as low. "And beautiful."

Despite his warm body over me, I shivered and gripped his fingers tighter. His lips ran very slowly until my neck and I turned my head to give him a better access. I felt his teeth nibble my skin before he dropped a few kisses on the same spots.

"Please, Niall..." I whimpered in a begging tone.

He brought his lips back on mine and kissed me, making a vestige of my orgasm transfer on my own taste buds, but he finally got back up, gripping my thighs, his fingers sinking in my skin. He started thrusting in and out of me slowly at first but more vigorously after a while and I let my own hands run on my breasts as he stared at my movements. He looked down only to see his cock move in and out of me and finally let go of one of my thighs to lick his thumb and bring it between my legs. I twitched and moaned louder when he started rubbing my clit with it.

"Fuck, you're so wet."

He didn't even look up in my eyes, he just stared at his thumb brushing on my clit as he fucked me harder, making my body jerk and throb more and more.

"I can feel you clench around me, you're close pet, aren't you?"

When his eyes met mine, I nodded so quickly that a smirk appeared on his face.

"Cum for me."

That's all it took for me to reach my peak for the second time.

"Oh my god, f-fuck, Niall!" I closed my eyes tight and I started shaking uncontrollably as he kept fucking me and rubbing my clit through my orgasm. "Niall!"

"Fuck i can't-"

Swiftly, he moved his cock out of me and jerked himself a few times before spurting on my lower stomach. My lips parted again as I watching him cum on me and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him push his cock back inside me, cumming some more in my pussy. The thought was so hot I started shaking again as he fucked me a couple more times.

"Fuck, i'm sorry." he whispered, laying his chest back on mine and burring his face in my neck. "You just feel so fucking good around me, I wanted to feel it for a few more seconds."

I didn't answer but his words made me smile and I brought my arms around him, letting my fingertips brush on his back slowly. We stayed quiet for a few minutes and after a while, I just licked my lips.

"Yesterday, you called me 'honey'" I let out, biting my bottom lip. "That's also the safe word you picked when we went on that double date."

There was no question in my sentence but I knew he understood when he chuckled against my neck.

"You smell like a mix of honey and vanilla." he explained, leaving a kiss on my skin. "I only noticed that a few days after we came back from tour but it sort of obsessed me."

My lips curled into an amused smile and I chuckled.

"I obsessed you?"

"Yea, and you still do." he admitted. "And not just sexually."

I smiled even more, liking the fact that he answered my question before I even had time to ask him. A lot of thoughts started running in my mind and my smile died slowly as I thought about the night before.

"You left to go drink last night, did you?"

I heard him sigh and he moved away a bit to be able to look in my eyes. My gaze roamed on his face and I could see how guilty he felt. I knew it was a bad moment to go through, but we had to talk about it.

"Yea, and i'm sorry. I was scared to make things worse and... you were right. I felt guilty as shit." he confessed, looking down but quickly looking back up in my eyes. "I did lust a girl on that trip. It lasted half a second, if even, and I hated myself for it. Then I started thinking that maybe you lusted someone else too. I mean if I did, then why couldn't you, you know? When I saw how close you and Louis became while I was gone... I lost it."

I didn't talk, I couldn't talk. I just looked intensely at him, trying to keep my tears in. I knew that if I talked, my voice would crack, so I just pressed my lips together and waited

"That night, I ran back to the motel in the rain and waited for your call alone in a disgusting and dark room... and it hit me so hard to realize that life was still going on while I was gone. The world kept turning, the sun kept shining, and someone else was there to make you laugh, to bring you places, to have conversations with you at night. And that person was not me."

I brought one of my hands to his face, brushing my thumb slowly on his cheek, right under his eye. He was so handsome, so fucking beautiful, and the confession he was telling me made me realize that he loved me more than I thought he did, even if he made mistakes, sometimes, the way I did too.

"I was so jealous. I still am. I'm so fucking jealous and i'm not used to it. I don't know how to handle it, or what to do with it. It makes my insides burn so bad. I mean I know it's not rational, and I do trust in you it's just..."

He shook his head with a grimace and I knew exactly how he felt.

"It's okay, I get it." I let out in a low tone.

He blinked a few times, his gaze falling on my lips as I nibbled on my bottom one without really realizing it.

"I made you feel like that a lot, didn't I?" he asked as I nodded. "And I bet I will again without even wanting to."

"Probably." I murmured. "You're always around beautiful girls. And everyone loves you."

"It doesn't matter who else loves me, Olivia." he pointed out, the left corner of his lips moving up. "I only love you. No one else. Focus on that."

I knew that at some point, Niall would start writing songs again. I knew he'd record an album, I knew he'd go on tour, I knew he'd meet tons of girls, go to galas, make collaborations and concerts... I knew that many girls would flirt with him and try to get a piece of him, even if they'd know he was taken, and i'd have to be strong or it would kill me.

"Do you promise to always be honest with me?"

"I thought you'd make me promise to always be faithful to you." he raised his eyebrows in surprise and I just sighed.

"Can you really promise me that?" I said with a shrug, looking away. "Do you think you could really keep that promise?"

"Hey, hey..." he said a little louder, trying to get my attention. I held my breath and looked back in his eyes. "Yes, I can keep that promise. I promise to always be faithful to you, and I promise to always be honest with you. On my life, Olivia, I swear."

I didn't know why, but his words made me feel better. I emptied my lungs and sent him a small and fond smile.

"I promise you the same."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #amc #my fanfics

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cockbiteproductions · 4 years

Note

all prime numbers in the Misc section and all multiples of 10 in the other sections

we shall go backwards as the question list was posted backwards...... (and also why i rbed it.... why is it backwards? i dont know but i love it. edit: now that ive seen question 1 it looks to me like one of those forum profile copy pastes where you fill out the entire thing and put it in your profile.)

200: My crush’s name is: hmm...... well. i would rather not say!!!! they could see this post!!!!!!! and we do not want that happening.......

190: My 1st job was: lifeguard in the summer after 9th or 10th grade i think? it was decently fun. i grew up swimming competitively so the swimming part was a breeze. the remembering what to do if someone is drowning part? a bit harder. memory bad. what to do if someone has a potential broken spine/head injury when they’re in deep water? i don’t know bud. but it involves 3 whole people to get them out. 2 in the water, one person at all times holding their head in line with the rest of their body, the other one strapping them to the board (these two people in the water switch off, too) and then one person standing on the side of the pool looking very concerned. also don’t tell anyone but sometimes if i had like a 6 am shift i would get really groggy and almost fall asleep on the stand.

180: Marriage is: whatever people make of it but unfortunately bogged down with like a lot of societal expectations. to me it just sounds like hanging with your “best” friend until you die but a lot of other people interpret it differently.

170: What did you do yesterday? LOL wouldn’t it be nice if i remembered. wait no i do remember. i woke up “early” and watched a dnd livestream and struggled through buffering from my shit wifi. then i took a nap. then i had a chipotle burrito that was way too spicy. and i played a lot of minecraft. and i wrote a bit. and i also did like another 2-3 pages of the codecademy html intro course im working on.

160: Soul mates: nope. [taylor mason voice] i don’t believe in the concept of a soul. you are compatible with some people more than others and that’s based on your values and interests and personality. nothing Soul about it. it’s fun in fanfic and fiction though, but that’s because it’s fiction.

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes..... i like brown hair! but blonde is nice too.

140: Mac or PC: clown face emoji. mac. It’s A Unix System. more convenient for me. my current mac is a giant piece of shit though. though i think that’s my own fault for keeping all my old files from my old mac. shoulda started over. i think i might try to get this one factory reset or something.

130: Wal-Mart or Target: idk walmart. i go there a lot during college. walmart just has a larger selection. i used to go to target a lot as a kid though because my mom liked it more. i think it’s like slightly more bougie?

120: Gay Marriage: fuckin go for it pals. sad that it took as long as it did to become legal.

110: My Neighbors: they are nice i think. the ones to the right are teachers or something. the ones to the left are.... idk. their kids were like maybe 5 years older than me and my brother when we were growing up though and sometimes they would indulge in us tiny annoying kids and hang with us

100: Cried in front of someone: when the finale of the clone wars came out a few months ago and i was sobbing and i ran into the living room to tell my roommate and friend that i was sobbing. i was sobbing. i also recorded myself watching the entire eps and i Sure Was Sobbing.

90: Texted: actual sms text, yesterday in response to a friend who texted me a tik tok. instant messaging like 20 minutes ago to milo. i havent responded yet because im answering this and i cant multitask for shit.

89: Who makes you laugh the most: me obviously. i think i’m fucking hilarious. me aside, @redvsblue is the funniest person on this planet. also my friend holly irl who shares my incredibly dumb sense of humor. also you!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmm........ in general or for me personally? idk..... a lot? i am not a very courageous person. so i guess being brave.

79: First time you had a crush: >:( not appreciating this line of questioning that lines up with the prime numbers/mult of 10. i will not be saying as they ALSO follow me on tumblr. though they don’t use it often. shout out to middle school.......

73: Tomorrow: hopefully wake up around 1 pm at the latest. make a plum smoothie. play some more minecraft and get more netherite (new update slaps). do more coding tutorials. get some writing done. the same ol same ol.

71: Next Summer: hopefully i will have a job lined up for the fall and the pandemic is Over. i would like to just [do nothing] for the last summer Ever before job starts. if i don’t have a job then it’s Job Hunting Time.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: what the fuck...... like in a bad way? good way? cry of laughter? sadness? me, probably. my own damn brain be like “well it’s time to think about Yourself and be sad!” i know. very narcissistic of me. also dave filoni (director, producer, writer on clone wars).

61: My Car: not really mine. i just use it. beige 201? toyota camery. my brother tried to convince my dad he needed it more than i did last school year. my brother, who lived on campus in boston and flies to school from nc when he goes there, needs the car more than me, who lived off campus and drove to and from school to get back to nc, thinks he needed the car more than me. what a guy.

59: The movie I cried at was: last movie huh......... when was the last time i saw a movie? idk probably the rise of skywalker when leia died. i don’t know. i sure as hell didn’t cry at cats.

53: How do you like your steak cooked: i am vegetarian.

47: Who’s your best friend: @worthyghouls i guess. but also concept of “best friend” is so weird. No Best Friends. just lots of people i am good friends with. feels weird to all my other friends to pick One of them and be like “well i like you more than everyone else” :)

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: only in the vaguest vaguest vaguest sense. i would like to graduate with my bs degree. i would like to live in a city (doesn’t have to be a super big one. where im at rn is fine). i would like to have my first or second job i feel comfortable doing related to the degree i am getting. i would like to live in my own apartment (with roommates)/not with my parents. i would like to not be rent burdened. i would like my roommate to know how to take care of a cat or be okay with helping me learn how to take care of one. i would like to have a cat with said roommate. and that’s about it tbh. not very ambitious, i know. i just want a simple life......

41: Have you pre-named your children: bold of you to assume i will have children. no. if i ended up with child it would be like that tag on ao3 called “accidental baby acquisition” and i would name it on the spot.

30: Actress: hmm..... lauren marcus. lauren lopez. does fiona nova count if she’s going to be in rvb zero? also lindsay jones. aubrey plaza. idk. not many actresses i follow from project to project. it’s more i will see them in something and appreciate them in that role immensely.

20: Holiday: halloween is pretty chill. just getting candy from strangers? dope. scary aesthetic? amazing. i also like christmas just for the sole fact that i get time off from [life].

10: Restaurant: a favorite restaurant??? who has one of those???? i sure don’t. and i’m not gonna say something cringey like olive garden or mcdonalds. i simply do not have one.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #tyty for sending in #soph with the primes as always...#nothingunrealistic1

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