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junicult · 1 year

Note

Could you write about what it’s like when the bachelors and the farmer decide to try for a baby? Either the conversation they have about it or when they actually TRY 😉. Or both… No pressure tho! I love your work!

!! trying for a baby with the bachelors.

contains ; fem!farmer. nsfw! fluffff <33. talk of children / pregnancy. mostly talk, not much smut. some smut in harvey’s, sam’s, & alex’s. farmer wears a dress. breeding kink. not proofread! i’ll add more tags later & i apologize this is a bit rushed :,

harvey.

- alright so i basically talked all abt this on my last post,

- but i’ll happily elaborate further.

- first of all, this man dreams of being a father.

- he’s always wanted to be one, and may i just say he’d be the best father?? hello???

- if u don’t agree ur lying.

- so i wanna say the topic of children was first brought up when you were only dating.

- “would you ever want to have kids one day?” you ask, and it wasn’t so blunt that he was blindsided, but he was still a little taken aback by the question.

- standing next to you in his kitchen, mixing breakfast on the stove while you sat on the counter.

- he only looks at you for a sec, because ever the overthinker he is, he’s afraid he’ll say the wrong thing.

- “yes, i do. one day.” he feels the need to specify, before looking back down at the pan to avoid eye contact.

- he doesn’t see your smile, or the way you softly chuckle at his action.

- “me too. one day.”

- and now he feels beyond excited. so excited that he starts to grin without even realizing it.

- i feel like that’s as far as the conversation went for now, you changing the topic to breakfast and starting to get plates together while he displayed it all.

- but ofc the thought would always stay in the back of his mind.

- bc now, when you’re married and it’s actually clear that you would want him to be the father of your child, it’s easier to have the conversation without feeling worried abt rejection. for him, at least.

- i feel like it happens one night after work, and you’re both a little exhausted and just want to be together.

- ur all clean and full after showering and eating together, just spending time w one another before u finally finish up ur tiring day in bed.

- “do you want to try for a baby?” you ask.

- my fav part abt all of this is that u always ask at the most unexpected times.

- but he’s not as shocked this time around, cus he was literally thinking the same thing.

- “do you want to?” lmfao.

- “i do. i think we’re ready.”

- say no more, cus he’s absolutely ready.

- i mean, he’s literally been ready for the last like 15 years of his life so…yeah.

- i mentioned this my last post, but i’m gonna say it again. to really get the message across.

- ur married to a doctor. ur abt to try for a baby with a DOCTOR.

- ur not just gonna fuck until you make a baby. unfortunately 😞

- he’s gonna help you figure out ur ovulation schedule. and if you aren’t for a while, obviously you’re not just gonna stop having sex, but you’re not going to be actively trying as hard until you’re ovulating.

- and when u finally aarreee 😊😊😊

- tehehehe.

- imagine he comes home from spending like the entire day in the clinic, and he’s so tired and all he wants to do is be with you.

- like he’s literally spent the last three or so hours thinking about burying his face in the crook of your neck and just holding you.

- so picture his excitement when you finished up your work super quick, made dinner, and you tell him ur ovulating liikkeeeee.

- suddenly he’s forgotten all about his annoying day.

- his arms wrap around your waist, lifting you ever so slightly to meet his height while your lips are already molded together.

- try to tell me he wouldn’t lift u bridal style to take u to the bedroom. just try.

- hands softly running up and down your body underneath your layers of clothes, kisses trailing down to your neck and collar while he piece by piece helps you out of them.

- “love these lips, these cheeks, these ears,” he whispers all the while emphasizing each feature with a kiss.

- he’s so handsy, and he won’t let you hear the end of his praise.

- prep prep prep prep prepppppps you.

- he’s so grateful to be able to have you like this, ofc he’s going to make the most of it.

- plus, statistically, a female orgasm increases the chances of pregnancy.

- it wouldn’t hurt to up the chances by giving you a few, now would it?

sam.

- for sam, being a father wasn’t really something he spent so much time dwelling on.

- like, it’d just be a passing thought in his mind before he fell asleep,

- occasionally wondering what it’d be like to have a wife and kids, but not something he’d want to act on for at least a few years.

- he never found himself thinking about that kind of stuff, until he met you.

- and sure, you were both young, but the more he spent time with you, the longer he fell in love with you, the thought would continue to pop up way more often.

- he started to really think about it after seeing you interact with vincent.

- how his little brother would come running into your arms the minute you knocked on the door, excitedly latching onto you as his way of saying hello.

- “hey kiddo, how’s it been?” as if you didn’t see him literally yesterday.

- but that doesn’t matter, bc the way you ruffle his hair, entertaining his all-over-the-place conversation without even a hint of annoyance—makes sam feel all sputtery inside.

- it’s like vincent would be your main priority until he finished up telling you whatever it was he wanted you to know, and then you’d turn and greet your boyfriend with a small kiss on the cheek.

- like sam was secondary to the rest of his family, bc not to mention, you were also a sweetheart to jodi.

- vincent absolutely adored you. he’d always bother sam about you, asking when you’d come over or if he could tag along on your dates.

- i feel like his breaking point (if u will) was when he came home from work one day to see all three of you in his kitchen.

- his mom was teaching you how to make some special dish, and you had vincent propped on your back so he could watch.

- “sorry! i forgot you were working today but jodi just told me to wait here, and we kinda lost track of time.” you justify, face pinching in worry at his silence.

- that’s the exact moment it all clicked for him.

- he stayed dreadfully quiet while jodi finished up teaching you, and each moment you were growing increasingly worried.

- it wasn’t until you finally had alone time, and you immediately started gushing apologies when you stepped into his room.

- “i’m so sorry, sam, i didn’t mean to make it awkward for you, but your mom wanted to show me something and i was excited to learn and i dunno, i just forgot about—“

- “i wanna get married to you.”

- gn.

- you just blink back in awe, unsure of how to respond bc WHAT a bomb to drop rn.

- “…you do?”

- “so bad. i love you so much, i really want to be your husband.”

- so of course you ask him, “where is this coming from? i thought you were mad at me?”

- he just cups his hands on your cheeks, shaking his head. “are you kidding? how could i ever be mad at you spending time with my family?”

- and when he realizes you didn’t say anything, he goes all quiet and he’s like, “…do you wanna marry me?”

- duh.

- and so the topic of kids doesn’t follow long after, when you both mutually agree you want them, but at least not for a while.

- neither of u act on it until like a year after u get married.

- “vincent was asking about you. says he misses you and wants us to come over for dinner soon.” sam says, recapping his day while you wash your body beside him.

- btw, i like to think he waits until whenever u need to shower to shower with u.

- why? idk.

- anyways,

- “i’ll go visit him tomorrow. i miss the little guy,” you giggle.

- for him, he misses the way he’d see you interact with his little brother. how sweet, and kind you were. how you’d always include him in things, and despite him being a child, you didn’t really treat him as one.

- sure, you knew better then to say certain things around him, but when it came to all of you being in the same room together, you made sure he wasn’t forgotten about.

- he knows you’d be a great mother.

- “i wish we had a baby.” he blurts, a little frown on his face as he rinses the soap out of his hair.

-“really?”

- it’s not like it’s a foreign topic, but it’s still a little unexpected.

- “yeah! they’d have your hair and my eyes. with your cheeks, and cute nose.”

- he’s so cute i’m sobbing.

- you can’t help but grin at him as he goes on about how many kids he wants, and what they’d be named, and how they’d look.

- “yeah, i know vincent has jas but how cool would it be if he had another little buddy in town?”

- “i didn’t think you wanted kids yet?”

- “well, that was a year ago. we just haven’t really talked about it since.” he shrugs, and you can’t help but kiss his cute, rosy cheek.

- so from now on, ur gonna try for a baby🫡

- it’s definitely not as thought out as harvey.

- yeah, u guys are just gonna fuck until it works LMAO.

- but dare i say, you’ve never enjoyed sex like this.

- you’re all hot and sweaty, naked, hair clinging to your neck and staggered breaths all over his lips.

- “nggh, fuck, sam—feels s’good…” moaning into his mouth while he does the same, hips meeting yours at a eye-rolling pace.

- he’s already came twice, hardly enough energy to even bring himself to a third but yet somehow, here he is, fucking into you like he knows no better.

- and he won’t stop sputtering just pure filth in your ear,

- “mmgh—y’so pretty, so perfect. you’d make the prettiest babies.” “what are you doing to me? nnfuck, feels so, so good…”

- your fingers are feathered through his hair, arms wrapped around his neck to keep him close.

- you’re already so sensitive and overstimulated by the time he cums. you both are.

- so while he catches his breath, he’s holding you close and staying buried to the hilt inside of u.

shane.

- :,).

- i feel like it’s his little secret that he’s always wanted to be a father.

- but he never thought it’d happen for him.

- and after he met you, first of all he was shocked you liked him back.

- and as time progressed, and you’ve helped with his alcohol addiction, he’s really found that he fell in love with you.

- spending all this time together, despite you being so busy.

- you always make a way to fit him into your schedule, whether it be he comes over and helps you with some of your chores, or you meet him at the saloon.

- but as time progressed, and you were both were absolutely infatuated with each other, he couldn’t stop thinking about marrying you.

- but more importantly…having kids with you.

- i think, generally, he wants to be a good father, which is why he’s always kinda wanted kids.

- he wants to try to be there for his child, and wants to laugh with them, help them when they need it, watch them grow up and stuff.

- he wants to be able to nurture someone in a way he wasn’t really able to do for himself.

- but also, he’s a little possessive🤷‍♀️

- it’s sick, and gross, but the idea of you walking around with a pretty, swollen belly and everyone gets to know he did that. well.

- and he just knows you’d be the most amazing mom. with how you care for your animals, and you’re such a hard-worker…he’s gonna lose his mind.

- so yeah, despite him thinking about it constantly, you’re still the first to bring it up.

- “…can we talk about something?”

- instantly, he’s nervous. he feels like ur gonna break up with him or something.

- “a-about what?”

- you’re in the middle of washing dishes, so you use that as an excuse to avoid eye contact.

- since you’ve been dating for many months now, long past the point of exchanging “i love you”‘s and even closer to the inevitable possibility of marriage.

- but to make it this far and find out he doesn’t want children like you do, well that would be the most painful way to end things.

- “what are your thoughts on…like…kids?”

- he blinks.

- “kids?”

- “yeah, kids. like…children.”

- he’s quietly scratching the back of his head, trying not to let confusion paint across his face but yet here he is, eyebrows furrowed and head tilted.

- “i—i dunno. they’re pretty…cool? i guess? i like them…”

- he’s just staring at you, trying to read your expression in any way to figure out what the hell u are bringing this up for.

- he’s even more confused when you just nod instead of giving him an answer.

- “is that all you wanted to talk about?”

- it takes u another like 5 minutes to finally swallow your fear, and flicker your gaze to him.

- “no, i just…well i wanted to know if you’d ever be interested in, like, having kids….of your own—in the future! not now, or, whatever.”

- he thinks ur so cute.

- the way you’re purposely angling your chin down to hide your face, and despite the fact that you’ve already cleaned the same plate like seven times, you still continue to scrub it.

- he has half a mind to laugh a little, but he knows that’s only make you feel more nervous. so he just smiles quietly to himself, looking at you.

- “hmm, having kids?” he sighs, leaning against the counter, crossing his arms like he’s in deep thought to agonize you teasingly.

- “well, considering i have jas in my life, yeah. kids aren’t so bad.”

- the puppy-dog look you give him finally has him chuckling.

- “you’d want kids?”

- “yeah, someday. but you know, having kids is kind of a two person job.“

- now it’s your turn to giggle, fixing your gaze back towards a new dish you grab to clean.

- “oh, is it?”

- “mhm. they’re hiring, too. but not just anyone can apply.”

- “what’re the requirements?”

- he gently wraps his arms around your waist, pressing against your back and lowering to rest his chin on your shoulder.

- “hmm, we’ll they’re looking for someone who’s perfect.” he presses a kiss to your cheek. “have i told you you’re perfect?”

sebastian.

- much like sam, he didn’t really spend time thinking about fatherhood.

- it wasn’t something he dwelled on hardly, if not ever.

- he had other things to focus on, and unfortunately he didn’t really think that’d ever be a part of his future.

- and it didn’t change right when he met you.

- he really liked you for a long time before anything even progressed (nerves, i guess?)

- but eventually, you were steadily a very good couple.

- spending lots of time together, going on dates (more like ponder sessions by the rivers and beach but whatever) and just overall the early stages of falling in love.

- he’d come visit at the farm and wouldn’t leave for days. even when he told himself he needed to, it’d take him so long to actually leave.

- he spent so much time thinking about you too, that of course his mind began to wander.

- what would marriage be like, first of all.

- it didn’t take long before he decided he liked that thought. coming home to you every day, waking up with you by his side.

- his city dreams weren’t so important to him anymore. not if it meant leaving you behind.

- now, as for children,

- he didn’t spend much time thinking about it for a while. it was mostly just a passing thought in his mind.

- kinda like sam, you two definitely discussed it before getting married but it was a short, “if we decide we want to someday,” and that was about it.

- i feel like sebastian is a little possessive, too.

- he loves the fact that he’s married to you now. that he’s legally tied to you and he has a reason for wanting you all to himself some days.

- the longer you two were married, however, he had to get used to his mom’s constant remarks.

- “you know, i did build a nursery in her house, sebby. just something to think about.” robin grins in passing convo.

- which he can’t help but cringe at what his mom is implying, but he guesses she has a point.

- so as he got older, he started to think about having kids a lot more.

- because, yes, being married to him does kinda scream off limits.

- but wouldn’t having a child be even a much better indicator?

- how there’s actual living proof that sebastian is yours and you are his.

- yeah, he’s gonna be thinking about it a lot.

- “honey, are you okay? you’ve been really quiet today.” you wonder softly, wrapping your arms around his back where he laid with his face pressed against your chest.

- you know that sometimes he just likes to be alone, and it has nothing to do with you, it’s just his own personal preference.

- but he’s not usually like this. clingy, latched onto you tight while he’s lost in his thoughts.

- “hm? oh, yeah i’m fine baby. don’t worry.”

- you frown at his vagueness. “you can tell me anything. need me to step out? i don’t mind, sebby.”

- he loves u sm.

- “no! no, it’s nothing like that,” he even accentuates by squeezing you a little tighter, “i’ve just…been thinking.”

- “about…?”

- you feel him shrug, but he moves his face to bury into the crook of your neck, so you can’t see him.

- “i dunno, just like…us. i guess.”

- 😑

- “…okay…”

- and now ur kind like, sitting up to move away from him, and he’s not having that.

- he frowns, once again tightening his hold on you and burying himself deeper.

- “nothing bad, i promise.” he murmurs into you.

- “then what is it?”

- you never want to pressure him to tell you what’s on his mind, but when he’s like this, you feel like you deserve to know a little.

- he only answers with hesitation, taking long enough before you frown and squint your eyes down at him.

- “sebastian, if y—“

- “i wanna have a baby.”

- lol.

- now it gets real quiet.

- you freeze, hand pausing midway through his hair. you can almost feel the significant change in the atmosphere.

- “…what?”

- “i know we haven’t really talked about it lately, i just think it’s something we should talk about.”

- he keeps his face hidden away from yours, despite you attempting to look down at him.-

- but, if he was looking at you, he’d be able to see the smile on your plump cheeks, and how you were suddenly wrapping your legs around his torso.

- “i was thinking the same thing.”

alex.

- okay, so for this one,

- i feel like it’d be 50/50.

- one half of me says he’d never want kids.

- he saw the man his father grew up to be, and he despises him because of it.

- it scarred him enough to mess with his relationships with past women, definitely gave him commitment issues for a long while.

- so he never wanted to be a father. he can’t picture himself as one.

- but the other half of me says the opposite.

- he’s a man, who knows what it’s like to live with an abusive, absent father.

- and despite him still being kind of young, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d never treat his child, or even his wife like how his father did.

- almost like he’d want to prove people wrong.

- like, not all men end up like his father. most of them can actually become loving, supportive fathers and husbands.

- that’s the side of him i like to think abt most 😇

- but, i do wanna say though, when he met you, he didn’t really think that deeply about you.

- sure, he really liked you and how sweet you are. you’d always spend time with him, and make him feel better whenever he was down.

- most importantly, however, you weren’t shy to put him in his place if he ever said anything offhanded.

- you taught him a lot, and that’s when he really started to fall for you.

- it didn’t take long to confess his feelings. he likes being bold like that, and rejection doesn’t scare him.

- after you told him you reciprocated, he was instantly excited to call you his girlfriend.

- evelyn and george already loved you, (maybe evelyn a little more openly,) so accepting you into the family was a very easy task.

- he’d talk about you constantly. he’d find any opportunity to steer the conversation to you, and run with it for as long as they’d let him.

- and don’t get me started whenever he’s with you.

- he may act all tough, and above-it all the time, but i can promise you:

- whenever you’re alone, he’s just a big baby.

- smushing his face into your chest, wrapping his arms and legs around you so he could take a nap.

- and he loves when you’d lay like that, brushing your fingers through his hair and telling him about you day so he can just listen to your voice.

- now, that being said: i feel like he’s not scared to talk about wanting children with you.

- it was probably a conversation early on in your relationship, he just steered clear from stating he’d like you to be the mother of his child.

- “yeah, i’d love to have kids one day. babies love me!” kinda thing.

- and the longer you two were dating, and the more serious and committed it became, he was all for letting you know what was really on his mind.

- “you’d be the most perfect mom. our kids would be so smart, and gentle. plus, with our ridiculously good looks—unbeatable.” he grins, pop kissing all over your face as wraps his arms around you.

- behind your fit of giggles, you can’t help but counter, “please, alex, i need get back to work!”

- and he’s reluctantly sending you off to do your job, spending the rest of his hours making himself busy at home until he can repeat it all over again when you finish up at night.

- despite him talking and thinking about it so often, much like the rest of the guys he won’t act on it until you’re actually married.

- probably like a month after you get married he brings it up, but not like he used to.

- “hmm, what do you say about making a baby, pretty?” his fingertips slide through your hair, cupping the side of your face.

- he can’t help but place one calloused hand to your bare stomach, pressing down just slightly to watch the way your eyes pinch and lips part.

- his hips were stilled, cock buried deep inside of you after minutes of teasing you.

- “nngh? whaa—“ you’re hardly coherent, head lulling into his palm the moment he begins his slow drags in and out of you.

-“aww, you’d look so pretty carrying my kids, dontcha think? let’s make it happen baby, please?” “we wanna baby, right? c’mon, we’re ready. now’s perfect.”

- he’s gently nipping at your cheek, kissing down your jaw and neck to hear you whine on top of the way he’s pressing against you.

- “c-can’t, t’much,” you whimper, eyes rolling the minute his hips snap and his pace quickens.

- “yes you can, i know you can.” his voice is breathless and low in your ear, “why don’t you let me cum inside, hm?”

- his sweet gaze has your head spinning, lower lip puckered and wobbling.

- you’re so overstimulated even the slightest movement has your body twitching, throat swelling.

- yet somehow, you’re still bringing yourself to nod slowly while he grins above you.

- “yeah, knew you’d like that.”

elliot.

- he’s absolutely ready to be a father.

- it probably didn’t become something he actually dwelled on until he got older, but yeah, he’s absolutely ready.

- when he met you, not to say it was love a first sight but…

- it was love at first sight.

- he quickly became well acquainted with you, and spent much time with you.

- whether you were at his cabin, or he came to visit your farm, it didn’t matter.

- it didn’t take long before you started dating and fell in love.

- he’d find himself thinking about you at his desk instead of writing.

- or lying awake at night, missing you beside him and eagerly awaiting the morning when he could go and see you.

- he’d spend so much time picturing what it’d be like to have you as his wife and mother of his children.

- the topic of kids was definitely early on.

- “i’d want three. two girls and a boy. he’d be the youngest.” he hums, taking a bite out of a pomegranate you had just given him a few minutes beforehand.

- “yeah? three, huh?”

- he smiles, nodding.

- “well y’know, if she didn’t want three, then i’m fine with however many.”

- you were sitting on the foot end of his bed, while he sat beside you.

- “hmm, no, three is fine. i’m sure she wouldn’t mind three.”

- “you think?” he licks the fruit juice off his thumb behind his grin, before leaning back against the headboard.

- “oh, i know.”

1K notes · View notes

dev1lm4n · 1 year

Text

4 + 1

pairings: bodyguard!joel miller x f!reader

summary: the apocalypse didn't happen. joel shift jobs into becoming a bodyguard for a billionaire’s wife. four times joel realized he's in love and the one time he actually did something about it.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: explicit (18+), p in v, no protection, infidelity, implied domestic abuse (not by joel)

notes: this is my fav to write by far ♡ if ur a writer or loves reading, chat me up and let's be moots

Clementine hues of orange sauntered in through the slick frame of her kitchen windows, causing a layer of tinted filtering to be added throughout the boring beige paints littered all around. Everything was in honeyed tones, beautiful and soothing. He had to admit that there was something godly about your kitchen. Something he couldn’t resist.

It was much different compared to the heavy smell of paint and cement he’s smothered in back when he’s still dwelling in construction. Instead of the constant buzz of drilling and swings of hammers into wooden panels, he’s now embraced in an endless collection of Jazz. His shoes are now polished— he could even see his own beaming reflection in the shiny black. A fitted tuxedo snug against the broad of his chest— a total 180° change from his Texan classic style of flannels and denims.

Joel used to think that he’s all too ill-mannered to be participating in the posh bullshit rich families are prone to, but when he saw the ads your husband was posting out, he couldn’t possibly decline the offer. The pay was enough to get Sarah all the way through university without picking up loans and it came with barely a risk.

He was just there to follow a billionaire’s pretty little wife around, carry your bags of impulsive purchases, and drop you off to go drink martinis with your girlfriends. The gun tucked into his back pocket was merely for show. After all, his dirty scowl is usually enough to set people aside. So, he signed the contract and was tied to what he envisioned to be a snobby flashy gal.

But you were an anomaly.

You were the opposite of the few descriptive words your husband mapped you out as, which he recalled to be ‘bimbo’ and ‘a pain in the ass’. You were lovely. The kind of girl that’d bake your husband a sweet tray of apple pie in your cute little dotted blue apron. He was guilty of watching your every move. Every bend, perk, curve of your body. Because, duh, he had to make sure you weren’t harming yourself. What if you accidentally set a fire off in the stove? At least, that’s what he’s telling himself to fend upon his guilt.

“Come on. Open your mouth, Joel!” you cheered excitedly at the sight of your glistening apple pie, cut open into perfectly eight slices. As the fork pierced through the warm, flaky crust of the apple pie, the sweet aroma of cinnamon and baked apples filled the air. The crust crumbled ever so slightly as the fork lifted a generous slice, revealing the warm, gooey filling. A persuasive look keen on your face as you raised your fork forward, just a few inches away from his pursed lips.

“I don’t think I should, ma’am.”

“Why not?”

“Your husband’s coming home soon..” he trailed off, uneasy about the increasingly delicate situation.

“So? Married people can’t have friends now?”

You could closely watch his determination waver, because god did your apple pie look good even from a distance. But he shouldn’t be doing this on the job, right? Playing kitchen with you out of all people.

“We’re not friends.”

“Oh, we’re not?”

“No,” he shook his head.

Only to entertain you and play into your own rhythm of things, Joel sank his teeth into the tender apples and buttery crust, sweet flavors exploded on his tongue. The warm, rich filling oozed out of the pie and coated his palate in a heavenly blend of spices and sweetness. What made it better was the shy smile you had on your face, unmarred by what the world had to offer. Your eyes twinkle fondly, sparking what felt like fireworks in his belly.

“Good?”

He simply nodded. Joel chewed slowly, averting his gaze away from you because who knows what he might start to imagine if he’s constantly being presented that view of you.

“Mr. Waterford’s gonna like it,” he reassured.

“Wait. Joel. What does that spell out?”

You enquired, brows furrowed as you tried to make sense of the word he’d just put together on the tiled board. Your lips pursed and you tilted your head slightly to the side, as if trying to get a different perspective. It seemed that your feigned innocence managed to work wonders in your bodyguard’s head, because his brows knitted along with yours, seemingly worried that he might actually get the word incorrectly. It may have been the nth time that you toyed around with him childishly, but it’s not your fault he always had such a silly expression to share each time.

“Darling,” he read the word aloud innocently. Texas twang dripping from every syllable.

“Yes, honey?”

Joel looked away bashfully at your playful banter. You could tell he’s raking his head to find ways to try and guide the conversation back into a safe spot. To maintain professionalism, where his heart doesn’t have to race a million times per second and his palms doesn’t have to turn all clammy from a childish joke. But he’s failing. Miserably at that. He tried to muster up the courage to respond in kind, but his mind went blank, leaving him tongue-tied.

“I’m just joking. You’re not mad, are you?”

Of course, he’s not mad. He could never be angry at you even if you sometimes do the weirdest things he could ever think of, like that one time last week where you decided you should try out every single barbeque sauce available in the supermarket. You’re just too sweet to be angry at. Snow could melt if you were there beaming that same dear smile of yours, miracles could happen if it was you. Joel thought that this was his punishment. A karma for all the terrible things he did throughout his twenties, the girls he fiddled and the money he possibly swindled. It’s hard to watch you and not be able to put his hands on you. It’s unfair.

“No,” he whispered vaguely as he drew more tiles from the messy pile. Joel looked amazingly dedicated for a bodyguard who’s being forced to play Scrabble with his employer’s wife— you found it hilarious, which resulted in the delicate giggle you uttered.

“Why don’t you hang out with your actual friends, Mrs. Waterford?”

You frowned.

“First of all, never call me by his name. Second, why do you care so much about who I hang out with?” you seethed out petulantly.

Even when you’re throwing a silly tantrum, he still looked at you as if you held out the sun and the moon. As if you’re the beginning and the end, but you weren’t going to assume what might just be a figment to your foolish imaginations.

“Sorry. I just.. I don’t have to play the dutiful, elegant wife when I’m here. I don’t have to pretend like I enjoy tea times and chalky macarons.”

You hate playing dress up when you’re just there to be your husband’s little pet. Ready to serve him at your every move. It’s suffocating to pretend like you’re content with how your life turned out to be, to giggle at condescending jokes other wives make, or to let your husband degrade you in front of other members of the high society. You felt like a mannequin and you’d rather be here, comforted in your own qualms with Joel. Simple ol’ Joel from Texas who took such good care of you.

“I can’t say I understand.”

Joel chuckled, thinking back to his rather ordinary background. He didn’t think he ever had to participate in any social events unwillingly, except when his mom dragged him to church on Sundays when he was younger, but that was different. You were in another realm. Someone who’s not equal to him.

“Although, I’m glad you feel at ease with me.”

He’s so good with his words, you sometimes wonder if those sweet compliments actually meant a thing. You simmered at his encouragement.

Tonight marks the evening of the Annual Spring Ball. Joel, being the country boy that he is, didn’t have much clue regarding what significance this particular event held. Although, he guessed that it was a big thing considering the pile of dresses you’ve dumped carelessly in front of your walk-in closet. You’re always so messy. Maybe he liked that about you.

He stood aimlessly, feeling like a nervous boy waiting for his prom partner to reveal themselves. It crept from inside his stomach and the grip it had on his throat grew tighter and tighter the longer you took in that damned dressing room. You’re not even going with him to this presumptuous event. You’re going with your damn husband, so why is he getting ahead of himself?

“What do ya think?”

You came bursting out of the pale blue curtains like a ray of sunshine, cladded with a long fitted evening gown. He was convinced that black belonged to you. The gown was made of flowing, luxurious fabric that draped elegantly down the womanly curves of your hips.

He couldn’t help but take a peek down your classic plunging neckline, like a fucking pervert. A flattering scoop that showed off your delicate collarbone and décolletage. Viewing a glimpse of your soft mounds propped up by the tailored bodice had him shifting from one leg to the other. God, you looked like a goddess blessed you personally. Waterford is a lucky man having you by his side.

“Is it too much?”

“No. It’s just..”

Joel swallowed thickly. How he wished he could say how you’d stolen his heart and robbed him of common sense.

“You look beautiful. Mr. Waterford would’ve-”

“Can we not speak of my husband?”

You interrupted bitterly. He wasn’t sure if he saw it correctly, but he could see a look of solemn ghosting over your sweet features. How you suddenly stop being all chirpy and instead, settle on chewing your inner lip. Joel was worried and it took all of him not to prod into whatever it is you’re hiding behind all the kind and warm facade. He was simply your bodyguard and that’s all he’ll ever be so why impose?

“Will you help me with my pearls?”

“Of course.”

He swiftly walked over to the jewelry case he’s grown accustomed to, not because he ever had thoughts of stealing your precious belongings, more so because you’ve allowed him to enter and assist you in your bedroom way too often. He’s memorized every inch of the blush tinted room without fail, maybe because he was a good help or maybe.. because he’s undeniably infatuated in you. With much precision, he held the shiny pearls in between his rough fingers. Only to gently clasp the chain around your neck. The ghost of his fingers on your bare skin made you shudder in anticipation.

He might’ve overstepped his boundaries by tracing over the exposed skin of your back, feeling the bumps of your spinal cords as if he’s a professional harpist. His gaze settled on where you felt the most plush and smooth. How he wished he could feel more of you; was the rest of your unexposed skin this delicate? Did you like this?

A pregnant silence enveloped the both of you. A mutual understanding. You were nervous, enough that you could listen to how your heart pumped blood into your increasingly warm cheeks.

“What is this?”

He broke the sacred silence at the irregular hues blooming from beneath the velvet fabric. Blues, purples, some were still inflamed, red marring your sacred skin. You were bruised. Bad. His eyes went wide at the sight of permanent scars shaped like a long rod buried deep in your skin, the new skin much lighter than your skin tone. If he weren’t attentive, he would’ve missed the way it hid underneath the hemlines.

The worst part was you didn’t say anything. Just showcasing him the same ol’ smile as you turned.

Ever since he saw your marks, the ones you’ve tried your very best to cover and withheld from the world, you’ve avoided him more than ever. Joel Miller was specifically assigned to you. To cater to your every need and protect you from the danger you might encounter, but it’s hard to do his job properly when the danger was from within.

He’s seen the way you lock your doors in his presence, leaving him uneasy as he guarded in front of your door. He’s also noticed how you stopped baking sweet apple pies, quit picking the juicy strawberries in your garden, and were lost in your own thoughts more often than anything. Maybe you’ve had enough of playing house with the lousy bodyguard he was. Maybe he was too old, too wrinkly, and too nosy for your taste.

“Joel?”

“Yes,” he answered almost too eagerly at the pleasant call of his name. His puppy-like brown eyes peaked through the small crack of your door.

“Come in. I have a surprise for you.”

A surprise for him? Didn’t you hate him? Joel looked almost entranced at the sudden knowledge. He took a determined step into your room, your wooden door creaking close behind him. You narrowed your eyes to strengthen your vision towards his striking figure. Without shame, you took in all of him. You’ve missed him as much as you hated to admit. Joel was a crucial part to your daily life. He’s a breath of fresh air. The only thing keeping you alive when you’re caged in this mansion.

“Winter’s coming.”

“It is,” he spoke softly, out-of-breath at the sight of you in your nightgown. His pupils dilated erratically at what you’ve blessed him with.

“I knitted you and Sarah matching scarfs.”

You pulled out the most beautiful pair of scarfs out of your side table, decorated with your favorite shades of ballet pink and powder blue. It wasn’t the cleanest work out there. A few loose and uneven threads here and there, but it was the most someone has ever done to him in a very long time.

It felt sincere and heartfelt. You even knitted one for his daughter who he’d only mention briefly during your time together. Once during your weekly Scrabble game and the other time when he entertained you during a house party. He smoothed the thick fabric down, tears pricking his eyes from the emotions budding from within.

“Are you seriously crying?”

You chuckled at the sight, arms crossed in front of your chest at the sight of your tough and grouchy bodyguard tearing up over some scarf. Joel meant more to you than you could ever admit. Maybe this’ll show him that part of you, just enough that your husband would never notice and you could still play it off as an act of kindness.

“That’s so lame, Joel.”

Fact is.. you were magnetic. The sweetest thing he’s ever witnessed in his long thirty six years of life, yet you’re stuck here playing wife of Waterford. Joel wanted to be your knight in shining armor and bring you to safety where he’d cherish you all his life, but what could he do? Should he just witness you wither away into an empty shell? The thought brought up the long awaited bravado and he was already bringing you up into his arms. Wrapping you in a tight embrace where all he could feel was you and only you. The softness of your pliant body, the smell of strawberries and cinnamon, and your undeniable warmth.

“You’re not happy,” he muttered underneath his breath, brows knitted and wrinkles evident.

“I will be.”

You paused.

“I have to be.”

You reassured him, pulling away from his grasp slightly. Your longing eyes bored into him with a tinge of emotion he couldn’t quite decipher, but it all became clear when you finally kissed him. You tasted better than he could ever imagine.

“Tell me you don’t want this.”

His voice was tantalizing, the rough bristles of his scruff tickling the curve of your earlobes in a manner that made you feel small. You couldn’t really pipe up a sweet comeback to what he had to say. Not when you’re pinned face down onto your fresh floral sheets, the same one you’ve spent countless nights with your estranged husband.

The crisp fabric felt cool and smooth on your squished cheek, you could even smell the lingering notes of softener wafted through the air. Joel caged you in like some sort of feral animal. Thick muscular thighs pressing next to your own as he loomed over you.

“You’re driving me insane, darlin’. Bending over with that silly knitted dress of yours.”

He murmured out into the junction of your neck. Always so careful with you, he made sure to smooth down every inch of your pristine skin, over each and every one of your scars and marks. His fingers were electric, jolting you every time he made bare contact.

You whined a soft tone when he pulled the wool hem of your dress upwards. Leaving your perky butt exposed to the cold air with nothing on but the panties you’ve chosen specifically for him. The one with the pretty pink bow and lace rimming each side; the one you knew he’s secretly pocketed a few times.

“Fuck. Such a pretty cunt. Is this for me or for Waterford?”

You were just too good to be true. Someone so perfect like you was willing to let him have a taste of what heaven on earth was, even when your husband was downstairs mingling with the other party guests. Joel was ecstatic at the thought. His eyes twinkled with obsession as he pulled your panties aside, probing a finger into your sloppy hole. One of his fingers was swallowed whole by your throbbing cunt and all he could hear was the loud squelching noise it made. It was as if you hadn’t been filled to the brim for a very long time. What a waste.

“For you. Only for you, Joel.”

Joel couldn’t hide the smugness running deep in his expression, pulling onto each corner his mustache. The constant need to prove himself to you tipped him over the edge. He wanted to be gentle with you, to be kind and cautious, because you were his everything, but it’s harder when he’s already leaking in his boxers. Seven inch, uncut, and sensitive. His fat cock thrived at the thought of you aching beneath him.

“He didn’t fuck you well, did he? Left you all wet for me.”

He teased sweetly as he unzipped his pants eagerly, only to tug at his waistband swiftly. Joel felt the adrenaline rushing through his headspace. It might be fucked up but somehow he wanted to prove how good he is for you, how he’d let your husband barge in if it meant proving how you’re such a good fit for his girth.

At the thought, Joel leaned forward to nip at your pulse point. You whined for more. He cooed softly, making sure you were slick enough as he flicked his cock along your needy slit. His thick raspy groans were heavenly, yet sinful for you to hear. You’re married for goodness sake.

“Put it in me, Joel. Fuck me. Please. Now.”

Your incoherent begging was music to his ears, enough that he gave in to your requests. He prodded his leaking tip into your entrance. Joel was unable to hide his pleasure, lashes fluttering as he rolled his hips in one sharp movement. He had to stop immediately once he’s buried deep in your velvety walls. Knowing he’d burst if he was to continue. He let out a breathy chuckle, grounding himself with all his might.

“Joe-el!”

That’s all you could muster as you pushed your hips further back into his, babbling hopeless pleads in hopes that he’d move and solve the everlasting coiling need. Such a slut.

“I got you, darlin’”

He held you steady by the small of your hips, adding ample pressure to have you arching back nicely. Joel fulfilled his promise by sheathing himself entirely within you. Slick and sloppy, he pounded into you. You’re on cloud nine. Desperately muffling his name into your bed sheets as if it’d make a difference in the boundaries you’ve crossed on this eventful day.

The golden ring band encircling your finger taunted you whilst it glimmered underneath the dim lights: all about your failing marriage and your stupid affair. You knew this wasn’t going to last long. Hell, things could fall apart if your husband caught a whiff of Joel’s cedar cologne on you.

“Stay with me, please, darlin’”

Joel looped his tough arms over your chest, effectively straightening you upright against his firm chest. His tip probed deeper inside you at the new position, exploring places you didn’t think was possible. You couldn’t see him and you thought it might be better. For you didn’t have to remember how unbelievably hot he looked while fucking you from behind; you’d worry his name would slip in your head when Waterford finally required you to cater to his needs.

“Run away with me.”

He tried once more and you had to say, it was quite a romantic gesture to attempt when he’s twitching vulgarly inside you. There was a sense of need in his voice. He’s begging you to leave all this luxury and royalty behind for the love he had to offer. What was it.. modern times Romeo & Juliet? You let out an airy moan in response, backing up even further to fulfill your burning desire. The coily dark trim on the base of his slick cock scraped your soft skin. He’s inside you entirely. Without any barrier because god did he secretly want to pump you full of cum. Maybe he'll let you wander back onto your husband's arms with his cum still stuffed deep within you.

“I can’t.”

You shook your head, a soft gasp slipping past your lips as his grip tightened around your wrist. His nails dug out crescent shape marks into your skin uncomfortably.

“Joel. Shit. Don’t move.”

He obeyed. A small grin taking over when he witnessed the shake of your legs and how you looked heavenly even when you’re seconds away from climaxing. He relished in the way your tongue cutely darted out like a dog in heat. You’re still cute even when you’re all spread out for him.

“I love you.”

He whispered once more, voice fleeting against your ear. Joel needed to kiss you. Needed to feel your soft lips on him for what might be the last time. His nimble fingers gently guide your jaw to turn his way, wrapping you in such an emotional kiss. As if you’d wither away if he didn’t hold you down tight enough.

“Please say it back, darlin’. Please?”

And just like that, he submitted to your wishes and let the mighty dam fall apart. A soft groan you’ve never heard before mused out his parted lips. He’s filling you up so full with a taste of him to the point that it’s leaking out each side of your thighs. A white rim left behind. Tonight he thought that maybe white belonged to you as well, just like black did.

“I love you too, Joel.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller #joel miller tlou #tlou #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us imagine #joel miller smut

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reidlita · 9 months

Text

all my riches for her smiles

husband! miguel x wife! reader

warnings?: afab! reader, maybe ooc miguel? mentions of chubby reader once, breeding kink, mentioned daddy / sir kink, mentions of praise & degration, miguel being ravenous for reader love him!, munch miguel my favourite miguel, angry sex lol my fav, happy wife happy life… idk what else

a/n: 2nd post i’m gagged. um hi! minors dni or i’ll sacrifice you yellowjackets style. i 🤍 miguel. this is self indulgence :) not edited / proofread

sfw

i think miguel would be like the sweetest husband ever. he’s grumpy and stuff but have u seen him with gabi? he’s a sweetheart at his core!!! he’d probably be super corny too, like, dad jokes and all. he’s an old man.

he’s rich… alchemax and all… me thinks. so he’d spoil you. your wedding would be super fancy (or casual, depends on what you wanted!) with the dress and deco of your dreams … i don’t think he would’ve cried but he def would’ve gotten emotional! maybe a small voice crack or misty eyes!

omg? he’s so a girl dad. like i’m sick ab it. he wouldn’t pressure you to have kids but if you wanted kids? he’s jumping your bones, sorry. he wouldn’t be upset if you had a boy, because he’d love your kids either way, but he just loves the idea of having a baby girl. like, dressing them up and being forced to play house ?! imagine your grumpy giant of a husband playing dolls with your baby 😭

imagine how peter is w mayday and then imagine miguel and his baby LMAO. he wouldn’t be so careless (if that’s what you call it?) with his baby, like bringing them on missions and such, but he’d def bring them to the spider-society with your permission. he wouldn’t say he’s showing off his baby, but he definitely is.

produces burning temperatures from his body. you try and cuddle him and suddenly it’s like being smothered by a bear. he’s definitely the big spoon i think, but he wouldn’t mind if you climb onto him like a koala.

MUSCLES!!!!! he’s so strong uhghhhh kill me @_@. he’d be gentle with you but sometimes he accidentally manhandles you and he’s like “😶.” but it’s lowk kinda hot so? like? it’s okay baby 🤍. maybe, if you had a house, he’d have his own small gym. and yk that thing where you lay under them and they give you kisses? that with him. or he’s doing push-ups and your on his back lol

i dont think he’d really care what you look like, but i can imagine miguel as having a preference for chubby people. no reason specifically, but he thinks your thighs and tummy is the most loveable thing ever. he’d totally bite you. not with his fangs ‘cause of the venom, but just a little nom. yk.

nsfw

… breeding kink :3. he’s not a loser, if you wouldn’t want him to come inside he wouldn’t!! but if you do?… trust he will be all over you. there’s just something about his cum oozing out of you that makes him go just a little bit feral. he’d definitely want kids me thinks, so if you’re not on birth control? hooray!!! if you are? that’s okay too!!

i think his fav position would be a mating press or cowgirl… maybe a little full nelson… bc i want him to chokehold me 😊. mating press so he can see the little bulge in your tummy, and the way you flush when he presses your knees to your shoulder! cowgirl so he can see the way you bounce on top of him, his hands firm on your hips.

pain play / impact play if your also into it. nothing extreme, because he doesn’t seriously want to hurt you. but he’d maybe be into scratching or choking! like? ok chokehold me? idk if he’d bite you, bc he wouldn’t want to like paralyze you, but if your into it he’d be willing to try.

aftercare is very very important for him. he’d do whatever your comfortable with, as long as you’re okay and comfortable afterwards! he’d draw you a bath, make sure you’re hydrated, wipe away any bodily fluids and such… he’d get you snacks if ur hungry! and of course, you get the snuggliest snuggles ever. he’ll always be sure to let you know how much he loves you!!

praise & degration, a mix of both. he’d call you his good girl, telling you how pretty you look. if you’re into it, he’d call you a slut… praise is a must for him, he’s a passionate lover— but if you weren’t into being degraded, he would never say anything mean.

this man is the #1 munch, like i’m dying UGHH. he’d enjoy getting blowjobs and stuff but he’s obsessed with eating you out 😭😭 like it’s insane. he’d kiss ur thighs while doing it and like. ngh. would make u ride his face, like, choke him out. he’d complain when u wouldn’t sit fully. that man wants u to strangle him. wouldn’t like j lick the flaps or whatever… that man knows what to do 😊

is obsessed w seeing you in ur wedding dress? like. put it in on and he’s trying his hardest to be respectful…

soft morning sex i’m SICK. he’d be so gentle… waking u up with kisses and he’d j slowly fuck you😢😢in missionary or spooning. and then he’d have that like sleepy husky voice from when u just wake up, being like, “g’morning baby <3”

he LOVES petnames me thinks… in both spanish and english. would switch to spanglish when he’s pent up. kill me ughhhh. on the recieving end… mayhaps he’d like daddy!! or sir if ur feeling crazy!! but he’d also like hearing his name, just his name, slide out of ur lips :(

obsessed with seeing you in his clothes? like, he’s 6’9, so it’s likely that ur much shorter than him. so seeing you in his clothes, practically drowning in them?… he’s bending u over the counter, fucking you in nothing but his shirt. ugh

gets horny from domestically. maybe your not doing anything special, just cooking in the kitchen or reading a book on the couch. he’s so in love with you that anything you do makes him crazy.

ANGRY SEX????? yeah. not angry at you, but maybe something happened at work or at the spider society. and then he’s fucking you like he hates you— of course, making sure your okay— and groaning in your ear as he lets out his frustration.… omg.

just a thought… but reader with glasses. god. giving him a blowjob and him cumming on ur glasses? it’s so gross i love it like my DREAM. or giving him a bj and he cums in ur mouth. and he does the thing where he pats ur cheek to swallow. hmmmm… i need him

def had sex with u at ur wedding 😭. like bro was going crazy seeing u in ur wedding dress… fucks you and recites his vows. UGH

#miguel smut #miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel x you #miguel spiderman #miguel x y/n #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #smut #i love miguel o’hara #lesbians for miguel o’hara #miguel is my boy crush #afab reader #um idk how to tag

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owwllly · 3 months

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i just spent a good 10 minutes crying over your art because not only is it beautiful and one of genuinely my favourite art styles I've ever seen (Ur one of my favourite artists) but the little stories are adorablefnkdndkd

you make me feel okay and I hope youre feeling okay too please drink water and eat food and rest because you deserve everything

This is so cute I get a dose of dopamine when someone tells me I'm there fav artist like "WAH WAH WAH! YOUR LOVE IS FOR ME POOKIE?" ALSO WHY ARE YOU CRYIN cbjzhxjxhxhxhsj ALL I DRAW IS SILLY LIL THINGS also le horny 😔 but still thank u thank u sm

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silkysong · 1 year

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ayo do you have any tips on how to like your own art a bit more ? im currently like. my least favorite artist ever and the whole idea of being ur own fav artist is an anomaly to me 😭 either way I'm really happy for you tho !!!! congrats on becoming proud of ur amazing art <33

silkys tips on liking your own art more

stop having unfair expectations, both externally from other ppl and your own. if all your mind can do is doodle and scribble, instead of forcing yourself to work on a big or polished drawing, doodle and scribble away; if you dont feel like drawing a certain subject, draw whatever feels fun. art shouldnt be a chore. and if someone judges you for drawing whatever you want yoy should. ea t them

cringe culture isnt real

EXPERIMENT!!! experiment!!! experiment !! try new things!! new brushes or new effects or new textures or mediums, youd be surprised how many times i hated a work and after trying out new things on it, it actually turned out amazing and i gained more appreciation for it instead of scrapping it and throwing it in the reject pile

DONT compare yourself to anyone else. that one is hard to do, and it might take some time and mental effort to overcome, but once i stopped comparing myself to my favourite artists, and just enjoyed and consumed their art without any other feelings attached to them, i started seeing the same stuff i loved in their art in my OWN art without negatively comparing myself to them....

....which brings me to this point. seek artists you love and dont stop yourself from becoming inspired by them and their style. i wouldnt be here today if i didnt constantly gush over a cool subject, composition, design, colour choices, etc etc. every artstyle is unique and made from countless other artstyles which in turn are made from even more countless other artstyles and i find that beautiful <3

these worked for me at least, hope one (or more) of these can help someone out there!! its possible to love your own art and its a wonderful feeling i think everyone on this damn earthe should experience

#ask

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vivaladicamillo · 9 months

Text

RYAN DUNN WITH A GOTH AND METALHEAD GN READER

heyy yalll im backkk, took a little break for a bit but IM BACK BABYYYY, ive been getting into goth culture a lot as of recent and have been changing my style to fit around it more so this is js a silly little thing to fuel my brain ☺️☺️ enjoyyy

WARNINGS: none

—————————————

GOTH

ok so really i think ryan would LOVEE a goth s/o

but it depends on the era of him

if we r talking BEGINNING of cky days i feel like he would be into it but NEVERRR let yk abt it

if we r taking 1999 ryan oh my god hed fall in love with u then and there

we all know back then he had a little thing for more hardcore women (COUGH COUGH YALL EVER SEEN GLOREN BRO, the leather jacket RYAN WE KNOW WHO U RR)

i feel like he would be curious about it

just with how intricate the style is

i feel like hed be into all the styles of goth ngl, hes js so curious on how it all works

the closet thing hes really seen of goth is bam fanboying over ville

soo not much to compare it too

i feel like he would ask so many questions

just like “where do u find clothes like that??” “how long does it take u to get ready?” js air headed questions

if u started dating him tho oh my god hes a sweetheart

anything halloween related that looks edgy in the slightest he will buy and say it reminded him of u

will help tie up corsets, clip on necklaces, and always have a spare pair of flat shoes on him just incase ur heels start to kill ur feet

obsessed with the make up, he thinks its so cool (and so hot)

oh bam is lowkey so jealous

especially if u are a fan of ville

ryan would try and color match his shirts to ur outfits

u wearing red? his shirt is gonna be red

purple? he has a purple button up somewhere

hes js so in love w u he doesnt care

will be the type of guy to run to the store last minute to get accessories for an outfit for u

also will buy u those overly expensive edgy ass heels from the store bc he know u will rock them

probably has tried on some of ur platformed shoes or heels and busted his ass

bam would probably be there dying laughing bc of it

or he would casually put on a hair piece or some necklaces and imitate you (he swears it out of love)

honestly would let u give him a gothic makeover, js dont show bam

he doesnt reallyy get whats going on but he loves it anyways bc he loves u

METALHEAD

oh he thinks ur so cool

depending on what metal genre u prefer he would listen to so many songs from it

i feel like he’d be a little intimidated at first bc mf thinks HIM and CKY is hardcore

he will buy patches for ur battle vest

love hearing u go on about the bands

WILL GO TO CONCERTS WITH U

warning tho hes gonna try and fucking stage dive into the mosh pit

hes gonna get his ass KICKED

loves ur accessories

the gauntlet cuffs, the bullet belts he thinks its so edgy and cool

hes a little scared of the corpse paint tho

hes seen bam do it but never fully going out with it

when he walks into the room and see u just with two massive black holes for eyes a white face and a frown drawn on it kinda scares him for a second

but he thinks its so cool after he realized

wants u to do it on him

literally if u do he will js be staring in the mirror of a good 20 lins is awe

will go to bar shows with u

cant fight for shit tho so if someone starts shit goodluck LMAOOO

lowkey would grow his hair out bc one of ur fav bands fav members has long hair

hes wayy more into this probably then the gothic vibe but tbh ryans such a sweetheart if he liked u, HE LOVEDDD u

—————————————-

hey yall so hope u enjoyed, ive been really into both these scenes recently and broo the goth metal style is my favvv, its hella cool. i need to start writing on here again lmk if i should do other cky/jackass members with different styles and genre loving readers!! byeeee :))

#jackass #cky crew #cky x reader #cky4 #cky2k #ryan dunn #ryan dunn fluff #ryan dunn x reader #rip ryan dunn we miss u !#Spotify

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tsudelune · 2 years

Note

HIHIHIHIHIHIH MY FAV EVERRRR (x2) I LOVED THE RUI COMPFRTING HCS TYSM :D okok so my next cute lil request is general rui relationship headcannons!! i seriously love ur writing so much augh

'' cause i think i fell in love , actually ,,

- rui kamishiro x reader

a/n : thanks for the support! i love writing these out, and sorry if it’s taking a while to get the requests out there. this took a while, really sorry!! hopefully it’s not so short.

warnings : cringe. crying (x2)

style : hc style (bullets)

- SWEETEST BOYFRIEND EVER. i say this for everyone!!

- rui really adores + loves you so much. he wouldn’t trade you, his wonder for anything.

- when you guys started dating, WXS congratulated the two of you. emu screamed and hugged the both of you.

- he definitely invites you to rehearsals, and WXS doesn’t mind!

- on the day of the performance, rui takes little peeks in the audience to try to find you, and sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t.

- after the show when rui is done cleaning backstage, he’d look around for you.

- when he finds you running up to him with a wide smile, he can’t help but smile back and give you a big hug.

- WXS was totally not looking at that scene!

- on the topic of hugs, rui would often hug you behind you, i guess in an attempt to shock you.

- he’d wrap his arms around your waist, and whisper something in your ear. if you get flustered, i mean, wasn’t that his main goal?

- and, rui wouldn’t mind kissing and hand holding in public, but other things come in private.

- rui would take you to phoenix wonderland once in a while for a date. even taking you any local park just to hang out makes him happy <3

- he just wants your company, and he’ll like it best if he just hangs out at your house or his.

- when you guys hang out at his house, you guys would just chill, help rui with his robots, give him ideas for shows, like normal.

- sometimes you’d nag rui to take a rest, and how can he not say yes to you?

- ugh rui’s hugs are so nice! literally bear hugs everytime you hug him

- he loves to kiss you on the lips best <3

- forehead and cheek kisses too OH MY GOD melting right now

- i feel like his love language is quality time + words of affirmation.

- if rui sees you flustered. he’s going to tease you, and push on.

- rui wouldn’t get flustered easily, but if you did fluster him, he’d shy away from you, absolutely denying that you made him blush. you did make him blush.

- rui just loves you and enjoys the fact that you’re one of the people that didn’t judge him, and that you truly love him for who he is.

#project sekai #project sekai colorful stage #proseka #pjsk #project sekai fluff #proseka fluff #pjsk fluff #project sekai x reader #proseka x reader #pjsk x reader #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui #rui kamishiro x reader #kamishiro rui x reader #headcanons #ask #hastune miku colorful stage #@tsudelune-post

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cbk1000 · 7 months

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Hi there!

Ive recently stumbled across your works, and I just wanted to say that I enjoy your writing soso much!! Each time i read any of ur pieces, i feel ever so blessed that i can read them for freee,,, ??like wow!! I absolutely love your characterization of arthur, and any piece of banter you write never fails to make me laugh!

Your writing style is so addictive, ive honestly found myself missing it when I read anything else. Because of this, id like to ask if you have any book recs? hehee anything that inspired that brain and writing of yours seems like it would be a worthwile read!! From ur alltime favs, or recent favs, comfort books, or books that gave u personal epiphanies, pls feel free to not hold back !! (If its not too much trouble)

And once again, thank you soso much for all your lovely works!! 💗

I LOVE talking about books, so thank you so much for this ask. This is a very truncated list of some of my favourite authors and books because if I wanted to talk about all of them, that would be a post as long as one of my fics.

First up is Terry Pratchett, who I came to rather late; I just started reading Discworld in 2020, despite @clonemaster-general and @jinxedwood telling me years earlier I should read him, so they should feel free to be smug about the fact that I ignored their sound advice for a long time and then went, "Ok, where do I sign up for the cult" after reading approximately one (1) Pratchett novel.

Discworld is a fantasy satire series that's over 40 books long, but those 40+ books simply take place in the same world and do not have to be read in order, although I would recommend reading any subseries featuring the same characters in order (the City Watch books starting with 'Guards! Guards', the Witches starting with ''Wyrd Sisters' etc.) Pratchett did write some non-Discworld books, although the bulk of his very large body of work is that series. He was a very gifted writer who was able to present the stupidity and injustices of humanity in a way that made you laugh and feel that it's bearable to live alongside these things. No other author has made me laugh so much at dumb little puns or dick jokes and then suddenly slapped me with a banger of a line about human nature.

'The Once and Future King' by T.H. White. A retelling of Malory's 'Le Morte d'Arthur'. It's silly, it's touching, it asks why humans go to war. If you're tired of relentless grimdark, this book shows you that a novel can explore serious themes and ask serious questions of its readers while also being a bit silly and stupid, because like suffering, silliness and stupidity is an intrinsic part of the human experience.

'The Left Hand of Darkness' by Ursula Le Guin. I could really just say, "All of Ursula Le Guin's stuff" because I've read several novels, a ton of her short stories, plus most of her essay collections and I've loved them all, but I wanted to mention this one particularly because Le Guin was examining our ideas of gender and society in the fucking 60s and I'm tired of hearing right-wing nutjobs bang on about trans people like they're some alien species newly landed on our planet to kidnap our children. Also, what I love about Le Guin's sci-fi is that she was concerned primarily with the culture of alien societies, not laser guns, and her world building is incredibly deep in that regard. Her father was an anthropologist, and you can see how his studies shaped her writing.

'The Lymond Chronicles' by Dorothy Dunnett. I love me a good swashbuckler, and these are some good swashbucklers. There's also some really beautiful prose that really evokes the landscapes of 15th century Europe, and her action/battle scenes are some of the most gripping I've read. The caveat with this one is that I actually don't like the main character all that much; he's a real special guy who speaks all the languages, is good at all the things, is a master strategist at 20, and is hot to boot. But the story is told mostly through the POVs of other characters that get caught up in his exploits so you're not stuck in his insufferable perspective, and I found the books overall (there are six in the series) very hard to put down.

'The Count of Monte Cristo' by Alexandre Dumas. The OG swashbuckler, really. Shipwrecks! Duels! Poison! Revenge! People just don't do dramatic adventure novels like Dumas anymore.

'War and Peace' by Tolstoy. I can't not mention this; I've read it twice so far in English and once in Russian. Tolstoy was an amazing observer of human nature. Also, he clearly thought Napoleon was a little bitch and reading about him from the perspective of a Russian novelist is quite entertaining after reading about him from Victor Hugo's perspective.

'Les Miserables' by Victor Hugo. I also have to mention this one. Yes, there are very lengthy asides on the Parisian sewer system. In the middle of a chase scene. But tbh, Hugo was curious about everything and while maybe he talked about every single one of those things a bit too long, it still endears him to me. Also, he was known more as a poet than a novelist by contemporary readers, and even in translation I think the fact that he was a poet really comes through in the prose.

Also, really anything by Patricia McKillip if you want dreamy, poetic fantasy that feels like being dropped right into the middle of a fairytale where magic has no hard rules and is something a bit wild and dangerous and beautiful.

I also read a lot of non-fiction, so I'll just list a few of my faves: 'Survival in Auschwitz' by Primo Levi; 'The Gulag Archipelago' by Alexandre Solzhenitsyn; James Herriott's 'All Creatures Great and Small' series; 'Landmarks' by Robert Macfarlane (but really any of his nature writing; this one I liked particularly because it's about the power of language to evoke a sense of place and how our vocabulary for the natural world is slowly being subsumed by our increasingly technologically-driven world). 'The Demon-Haunted World' by Carl Sagan, which was written in the 90s but if anything is even more relevant today as we struggle with parsing the mythology of pseudoscience and the real-world harm it perpetuates.

And I read a fuck ton of poetry, so I'll just rattle off a list of some of my favourite poets: Wilfred Owen, Isaac Rosenberg, Siegfried Sassoon, Rupert Brooks, Edward Thomas (I also love his nature writing), Alexandre Blok, Pushkin, Ursula Le Guin (she's primarily known as a novelist, but she has some very good poetry as well), Mikhail Lermontov, Anna Akhmatova, Alexander Pope, Tennyson (particularly Idylls of the King), Seamus Heaney, and Yeats.

Anyway, this is a small sampler of books I've read and loved.

#books #jenn reads

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leprosycock · 9 months

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do u have any fav book recs!???? love ur literary mind and would love to know if u have any good must reads sorry this is random

thank you!! i don't read nearly as often as i should but i have a lot of books that i love:

the furry trap by josh simmons is a wildly weird, disgusting, and obscene piece of work that i've loved for years. it's satirical and deranged and very darkly funny and his style is so unique. it's a collection of eleven short comics and some standalone illustrations. my favorites are cock bone, christmas eve, and demonwood, but none of them are bad. at least in my opinion. a lot of people think it's just edgy for edgy's sake, but even if it is, it's still really fucking good. i always find that criticism to be so funny because it's only ever flung at media with any kind of sex and violence and taboos in it.

tender is the flesh by agustina bazterrica is one that a lot of people are familiar with, but it's far from overrated. it's about a world in which cannibalism is legal and humans are bred, bought, and sold for meat. a very lonely, broken, divorced blue-collar man begins to form a bond with a specimen despite any physical contact with her being expressly forbidden. it's twisted and stomach-churning and intimate and i love it.

poison for breakfast by lemony snicket is insanely funny and tender and witty and entertaining. it's essentially an unreliable autobiography that follows strings of consciousness and memories and musings as he panics after getting a note under his door that tells him he had poison for breakfast. it's short and sweet and there are so many wonderful poignant lines throughout it that made me close the book for a second and think for a while.

the wasp factory by iain banks is awesome and it's about a sixteen year old boy named frank with a very fragile older brother who's been sent to a psych ward. frank is ruthlessly violent and unstable and he takes all his anger and frustration and bloodlust out on helpless animals, either human or non. it has a really interesting ambiance to it that traps you in both this violent teenager's headspace and this murky, unsettling little scottish village and things just get worse and worse until you realize you can't get out. highly recommend!

someone who will love you in all your damaged glory by raphael bob-waksberg is a fantastic collection of surreal/sci-fi-based stories that have one foot firmly grounded in realism and very human relationships. it's very vulnerable and tender and tragic and romantic. this is the same author who created bojack horseman, so if you're into that show's brand of drama, you'll really love this

i hope you find me: the love poems of craigslist's missed connections by alan feuer is one of my most favorite little coffee table books ever. it's what it says on the tin: dozens of posts from the missed connections section of craigslist are compiled and wrangled into individual poems and it's really fascinating and it makes my heart ache to see all these very real little individual cases of lost love. i think it's really important to study real people just as much as stories that people can craft.

i luv halloween by benjamin roman and keith giffen is a HIGHLY underrated, EXTREMELY early 00s trilogy about zombies, aliens, and a group of really shitty, violent, obnoxious children who get stuck in the midst of global panic around halloween. it's super edgy and indulgent and gory and gross and childish and it's a whole lotta fun. i go crazy for the art style and the general mindless self indulgence of it all

memories of my melancholy whores (memoria de mis putas tristes) by gabriel garcia marquez is a really lovely and flowery novelette about a ninety year old man who's on his deathbed and he believes that true love will help him feel alive again. he manages to find it in a very young prostitute and reflects on what sets her apart from the others. a lot of people call it the spanish lolita, but it's wildly different. really the only similarities are falling in love with a young girl and realizing she's different than you envisioned her to be at first. it's not for everyone, but i think marquez's prose is beautiful. pretty much everything in his bibliography is worth checking out, he's a genius

holy robots by vasilina orlova is a stunning collection of poetry and it uses the ideas of humans falling in love with and forming lives with machines that try very hard to be human but can't quite do it to illustrate real-world relationship struggles. it also delves into other themes of nature and pure romance as it goes along. it's a quick read and it's so worth checking out, i love it to death

arkham asylum: a serious house on serious earth by grant morrison and dave mckean is a standalone batman comic that's VERY worth reading even if you only have a passive knowledge of batman. it's a beautiful piece of work all on its own. the art style is absolutely fucking gorgeous and it's unlike anything i've ever seen. essentially, the inmates at arkham have overtaken the asylum and batman has to sacrifice himself in order to save the hostages. thus, he subjects himself to brutal psychological torture at the hands of the criminals he's put in the asylum himself and he wastes away little by little. it's good!! it's so good!!!!!

stray toasters by bill sienkiewicz is one of the most intense, gorgeous, twisted, and surreal experiences i've ever had while reading a graphic novel. it might take you a couple of reads for it to really sink in because it's not at all straightforward, but it's a fucking masterpiece of art and writing and it really influenced a lot of my own work and the way i tend to approach art. essentially, it's about a lonely, burnt-out detective who gets released from a psych ward to hunt down a serial killer who's mutilating housewives and young children. it's insanely difficult to find physical copies of, so i would personally just read it online.

#thank you for asking!!! i know a lot of these aren't novels but also: i think a library should be greatly varied #and i'm really really into graphic novels. that's why i went to school #if you're an adult who doesn't read comic books i h8 you there's a whole world you'll never know about #bunnyaskz

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green-lights-33 · 1 year

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Do you like Severus? I’d love to see him in your style 💚

ur setting me up for failure here bestie. this has been in my drafts for a real long time cause I’m scared but here u go:

just a little disclaimer that i don’t give a flying fuck how anyone chooses to characterize people in their fics or otherwise. (so if you are reading this and you absolutely hate severus, then thats okay. live ur truth💋)

oookayyy. i personally believe that a lot of people are very forgiving towards reg and evan/barty and at the same time really harsh on severus. it’s almost as if in order to like a character they think that they have to be completely redeemable. and the other way around for disliking a character. supporting a flawed character does not make you a bad person. they don’t have to be all sunshine and rainbows for your love of them to be socially acceptable 🙂👍 (let your favs be bitches and let your least favs be sweethearts is essentially what I’m saying)

i think that when he was younger he would have actually been super shy and not such an outward bully. he definitely gave back what james and sirius dished out, but in a more subtle way. he was intelligent and not impulsive. he knew that j and s had the upper hand on him so he overcompensated by provoking them. if he pushed them first, then he was in control. (pretty common defense mechanism for someone with his family situation). i think that he could also be really gentle and kind too, lily was friends with him for a reason yaknow. he only became harsh and cynical as an adult because of what he went through (in his childhood and during the war). honestly, he was going back and forth between the two most dangerous people in the world, that’s bound to fuck you up a bit.

plus, i love it when fics include lily and sev’s friendship. like. guys, platonic heartbreak is the absolute worst thing in the world!! building up the snily friendship and then tearing it apart is such! good!! angst!!! it is not used enough imo. i don’t think they ever dated, and i also don’t think he was ever confident enough to reveal how much he truly loved her. also!! him and reg have such potential as friends/ allies as death eaters. reg turned to the ‘good’ side at the last minute and so did sev. imagine if they had worked together?!? ok wait now i’m getting art ideas.

phew that got long and i cbs reading through it so if there are mistakes, no there are not 👍. did i even answer ur question? yes, i think severus is fine. is he one of my fav characters? no. but i like him the same as i like peter essentially. yes, i want to make fanart with him in it and i will do so in the near future when i finally get time :) the same goes for pete, i’m just itching to make art of him!!!

#if you love barty and reg and hate sev that’s ok!!!#i’m not coming for ur necks it’s just my opinion #i just get confused when people act all high and mighty with disliking Severus as if it makes them a better person or smthn #something to know about me is I’ll always root for the pov character #i used to hate the guy and then I read a fic with his pov and I was like #wait a damn minute #pls don’t send me hate it’s my birthday in two days 🥺

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plainemmanem · 2 years

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hello it is me modern!steve anon. my hc's r as such:

- steve is the hawkins middle assistant baseball coach . the boys are all obsessed with him bc they want to be just like him (also how did he pull such a baddie?)

- he dresses mostly like how joe dresses but sometimes a little more on the athletic side ? def owns lulu 5 in inseam shorts that he wears with big vintage shirts and nike blazers

- WORSHIPS the strokes and tame impala . julian casablancas is his idol

- unabashedly loves harry styles . would buy tickets "for his gf" but definitely wanted to go . he would coordinate outfits and wear a boa . harry's house is his fav album

- would play mlb the show like. religiously

- is either a cubs or cardinals fan but would make fun of anyone who would willingly admit to being a reds fan

- would still drive a bmw but it's like a 2009 that he bought himself when he turned 17

- def wears his glasses all the time

- gets mad about the colts record even thought he doesn't understand football at all

- is a feminist but when u start dating he becomes like . radical . before he was just like "yeah pro life pay women yadda yadda" but i think he would go to the indianapolis womens march with u and robin no questions asked

- helps robin set up her tinder profile . i'm talking like photoshoot

- literally always taking candids . whether it's u or robin or the kids he's always taking photos and he def has different albums in his phone so he remembers different events

- his lockscreen is his favorite photo of u which is definitely from a late night diner trip where u think u look gross and exhausted but he thinks ur the prettiest thing to ever exist

- he's teaching himself how to play guitar and it's very hard but he's trying okay

- tries to like modern rap but it just doesn't click with him . i think he would like older, softer stuff like a tribe called quest and maybe like wutang . definitely into vibey music

okay i think that's it but if i think of more ill let u know . if u can't tell i'm a big baseball fan therefore am projecting but i'm p sure that it's canon that steve plays baseball anyways?????

ok. Ok . OK. OK! OK!

so many more thoughts under the cut

i also see him being really into basketball, has a little group of guys he plays with and everything. they have a scrimmage every week and he’ll wear an old grey shirt that you cut the sleeves off of and really old, baggy basketball shorts that you can most definitely see his bulge through and he comes back all gross and sweaty and he’s so excited to tell you how he played bc he has that rush of endorphins after:)

loves baseball, takes you to all the games and wears a baseball cap and everything. makes you split nachos with him and he will literally yell at the players as if they can hear him. when things get real intense, he’ll stand up with his arms crossed or his hands on his hips, so into it. and every time there’s a bad play, he throws his hands up all annoyed like “cmon now, what are we paying you for???” and he cups his hands around his mouth and yells it. he’s so obnoxious i love him.

i can also really see him joining a band. he definitely teaches himself how to play bass and it’s quite honestly the hottest thing imaginable. i feel he also dapples in the drums, he loves the theatrics of it lmfao.

i can also see him being kind of.. basic when you first meet him BAHHAH like stereotypical “guy” — dresses in like plain shirts and jeans and his music taste is wack and a little basic and he’s kind of just normal. but then once he starts hanging out with robin and dating you, he changes a lot. i can kind of see him embracing more of his “non-masculine” interests and traits that he never knew he had bc that stuff really wasn’t accepted by his parents. he wears a gold necklace you got him (it’s a little dainty and a bit feminine and it looks so crazy hot on him) and he wears true outfits rather than whatever he has lying around in his room — he wears converse and nicer slacks and t shirts that are a little baggy and he has a nice watch with a brown leather band and he wears the ring you got him for christmas on his ring finger and another gold band on his thumb. he’s not really too much of a hat guy, but if he doesn’t really feel like styling his hair, he wears a cap, maybe a beanie if it’s cold. in the winter he’ll wear a white undershirt under a sweater and white wash jeans:)

he has “old man” glasses, as you like to call them. he’s tried contacts, but you told him a while ago before you started dating how handsome you thought he looks in his glasses, and you haven’t really seen him wear contacts since.

takes pics of EVERYTHING — even if it’s just a dog he saw on the street on his way to work or the funny way they spelled his name on his starbucks in the morning or a cloud that looks like a dick — he sends you them CONSTANTLY throughout the day. loves taking pics when you all hang out and he loves to do a photo dump at the end of the month (it’s mostly just you or funny pictures of robin. he’s also a sucker for a good sunset photo, he can’t help it)

i feel like he also gets more into more “feminine” hobbies or just things he wasn’t really allowed to do when he was younger. he likes to take care of plants and write little song lyrics throughout the day when they come to him and i feel he tries origami and he’s slowly teaching himself guitar and maybe tries drawing a bit — just things his parents never really approved of or saw any value in.

i also feel modern!steve is really into cars. like has a dream car all picked out for when he hits the lottery and every time you’re out, at least once, he sees a nice car on the street and does a little wold whistle like “damn. a 2016 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray.” and you’re like “what? is that a good one?” and he’s like “…. yeah, y/n, that’s a 55 thousand dollar car.” he will point them out to you ALWAYS, without fail. sometimes you’ll see a car you like when you’re out and you’re like “ooo wait steve what’s that one called?” and he looks up for a split second, squinting a little to get a better look at it and then he’s like “oh, yeah, a Lexus LC, you like that one?”

he also really loves making little spotify playlists for every occasion and he loves playing them for you and seeing if you think they’re any good (he thinks your music taste is so cool). he always loves when you aux in the car bc he loves listening to your music and finding new stuff and adding it to a little playlist of songs he gets from you/reminds him of you:) but then there’s also times he really loves to aux and he really does love his guilty pleasure music, he sings along to barry manilow without shame he’s just like me fr he is my new obsession

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you

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obiwhat · 1 year

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CAN I JUST SAY i’m soooooo in love with all of your fics. besides EVERYTHING i could say about the perfect characterization and how sweet erwin and levi are always written, ur style is so distinct and easy to get sucked into. maybe i’m biased bc hurt comfort is my fav thing ever but i just adore your fics. i think i’d had ‘appearances’ and ‘fix you’ bookmarked for years and then i found ‘rice porridge’ and i’ve been binging everything else since. (i hope u don’t mind a long ask lol i just rly needed to say)

as far as i saw, your requests are open, so can i request an eruri in canonverse in which erwin has just become commander, so he has a very very heavy workload. he promoted levi to his captain almost as soon as he had the power to lol, and so their relationship is new and levi has been working wayyyy too much (as usual) to help erwin. so he’s been forgetting to eat a lot.

(for context, levi is so used to feeling hunger pains from his time underground that he doesn’t really notice the signs, and he disregards his own health anyway).

erwin has been working so much he’s barely noticed. but then levi passes out in front of him or something like that? hurt comfort follows<3 even if u choose not to answer, thank u for all ur beautiful fics

helloooooo my lovely anon!!! <33 hope ur doing well!! thank u SO much for ur kind words, you made my whole month hehe

hope u enjoy what i whipped up for ya~

Catch Me When I Fall

warnings: eating issues (aka levi works too hard and forgets food is a thing)

Levi’s face was a bit hollow. His cheekbones; even more defined than usual. Of course, if Erwin had ready access to a mirror, he’d probably find the same appearance on his own face.

They were all tired. If he showed favoritism for his captain it would only serve to delegitimize his freshly earned position. However, he told himself that he would check in with Levi the next time they had privacy.

Although, the likelihood of that being any time soon was certainly dwindling.

Miche rushed in with another pile of notes, he mumbled something about them needing extra eyes on the field— a necessity he directed to Levi. But Levi seemed to hesitate, in fact, he hadn’t moved since Miche came into Erwin's office. Miche had to tap him on the shoulder before he blinked heavily and started towards the door.

Miche gave Erwin a look as Levi left, to which Erwin replied with a shrug. He got to work glancing through his growing pile of papers, threatening to topple off his desk.

—

The yard was cold. No, it was freezing. But Levi had hardly been outside ten minutes before he untied his cravat and unbuttoned his shirt. Levi was hot. He didn’t even care if the cadets gave him weird looks where he stood, pinned to the brick of the training yard walls. In fact, they should’ve been more focused on their drills. He should’ve yelled at them by now.

But he wasn't all the way there. The yard seemed to sizzle and blur underneath the beat of the cold winter sun, and if words wished to spring from Levi’s lips he knew he’d have to rack them right out of his chest. It was all far too much effort.

Another sharp pang shot through him. On the surface, of course, he hardly blinked. But inside, he felt like he might get sick. It had been happening again lately— those pangs, the dizzy spells, the nausea. Like he was that same sickly little kid again. It was just the stress of his new position, he knew that. That was the only explanation. He was just stressed.

But so was Erwin. And he’d be damned if he let Erwin think he couldn’t keep up. The man had curated a position especially for him, how could he spit in the face of that kind of honor? Levi had never been this high up before. To live above ground, to have a roof over his head, running fucking water too? He should’ve been grateful, not reeling with a sickly feeling in his gut.

Weakness was not expected of him, so he would keep it that way. He would fight through it, just as he did every time before. He’d keel over before he asked for a break.

With that in mind, he called out to his cadet group, leading them back into focus.

—

It wasn’t until hours after dinner that Erwin saw Levi again. Truth be told, he hadn’t even noticed the time pass by. Levi seemed to slip through his door, without a sound or word. It was a common occurance and for whatever reason Erwin felt comfort in the familiarity of it.

He felt Levi approached his desk slowly as Erwin continued to annotate.

“There’s the… uh—” Levi’s voice wavered for a moment, as if he were struggling to remember his next few words. He quickly tried again, “—the equipment supply report. We’re especially low on fuel. As per usual.”

“Excellent,” Erwin replied, although it was anything but. He scribbled down a reminder to mention this in his pitch to central command in the coming week.

Levi was still standing in front of his desk, a cue that Erwin had clearly missed for a few passing moments. “Levi, is there anything else you’d like to add to your report?”

“No.” Erwin could hear Levi clear his throat again. This finally got him to look up from his work. “Uh, no. Nothing else.”

Erwin’s brow pinched together. Was Levi swaying?

“Are you alright?”

Levi nodded shakenly but then frowned as if he were thinking rather pensively about something. Erwin did not recognize this look on his captain’s face. It was almost as if he were confused.

Then Levi huffed a humorless scoff, “It’s strange… There’s uh… there's two of you.”

Before Erwin’s brow could even begin to lift, Levi’s palms met his wooden desk with a bang. His eyes fluttered, then rolled back— his body going slack. Erwin was up in an instant, throwing his arms around Levi and wrapping him in his clutches as they fell together to the wooden floor.

“Levi!” His partner’s head was lolling listlessly in his arms, he was clearly struggling to grasp his situation still.

“Erwin… What’s…?”

“Shh… Levi. You’re alright. I have you now.” Erwin settled him to lay a bit more horizontal, so he’d be comfortable.

“I don’t… I don’t feel very well.”

Erwin huffed, “Yes. I can see that now, my dove. Is this better? Just lay out for me and breathe. Can you do that?”

“Mm,” Levi murmured, breathing through his nose and closing his rolling eyes.

Just then Hanji came bouncing into the room, slamming the door open. “Erwin! I finally finished–” Their eyes trailed around before settling on Erwin who looked at them with a terrified expression. “Oh shit.”

Their expression fell flat and serious as they kneeled next to their commander and his captain. “What happened? Is he alright?”

Erwin was pulled from his haze of anxiety and carefully placed a hand on Levi’s forehead. “A little clammy. I don’t think he’s unwell. He just… He fainted.”

“He’s skinny, isn’t he? Too skinny, Erwin. Shit, I didn’t even notice until…”

“Help me lift him.” Erwin felt like screaming. He felt like he might scream until his lungs burned to ash. “Help me, Hanji.”

—

Everything felt light when his eyes finally peeled open again. Just before shame and guilt could pool in his stomach from the reality of the situation he was in, Levi felt a sort of lightness. His head didn’t ache as badly but his body felt without use. Like if he lifted his hand he might just break away into pieces all together.

When Levi’s cool eyes settled on Erwin, he wished that he could break away. His commander was asleep, draped across Levi’s chest with a hand wrapped around his in a tight grasp, as if Erwin was willing him to stay even as he slept. Maybe especially while he slept.

He must’ve been exhausted. Levi felt a sinking feeling once he realized this exhaustion was partially his doing. How long had Erwin stayed by his side in the infirmary, waiting for him to wake, before eventually passing out like this? It had felt like a long dream. A deep sleep. And Erwin had surely been awake while Levi agonized him with his absence.

Levi involuntarily gave Erwin’s hand a tight squeeze. Maybe it was an apology of some kind.

“Lee…” Erwin whispered, or more so mumbled into the fabric of Levi’s hospital gown. His head turned and his sleepy eyes blinked, once then twice.

“I’m here.”

“Levi?” Erwin repeated himself, this time more clearly and with wide eyes full of instant relief.

“I’m sorry, Erwin.”

Erwin sat up straight, his hand relinquishing Levi’s grasp.

“You’ve been asleep two whole days. Unless I’ve just slept away another day with you.”

Levi nodded, noticing how Erwin let his apology roll right off his shoulders. As if he didn’t wish to hear it.

“You’re on strict IV fluids but when you feel up for it, the nurse will bring you a bit of bread, alright?”

“Erwin—” Levi released a sigh as he spoke, but Erwin was quick to cut him off.

“No,” Erwin seemed to rein in his irritation, as if now was not the time for it. “No, Levi. I won’t hear objections. Not now. Not after what happened in my office.”

Levi closed his pale, cracked lips. Erwin fiddled with his hands.

“You didn’t tell me you weren’t well. I could’ve done something. I mean—.”

“That’s not your fault. I… Erwin, I've never been good about remembering… this kind of thing. It slipped my mind.”

“You’re malnourished. Anemic. You lost consciousness, Levi.” His voice was near a whisper once he spoke again. “Two days.”

“And what does that have to do with you?”

Erwin may have his emotions sealed away but Levi was not keen to follow suit.

“I fucked up okay? I was pushing myself and eating right just fucking slipped my mind, what do you want me to say?”

“I’m your commander now, Levi. Your life is in my hands. I was overworking you. I was.”

“As self centered as that is, Erwin, I am my own person and when I make a mistake it’s on me,” he bit into the last word with bitterness. “This happens from time to time. I’m not good with… reading myself. Knowing what I need. Until I’m at a breaking point.”

“Like your body is in survival mode, all the time.”

Levi nodded weakly.

“I see,” Erwin sighed, putting his hand through his hair as they sat in the quiet for a long beat. “No matter what the reason, there had to be one for you to not tell me right then, before you passed out. Can you please just tell me that?”

Levi felt his very muscles tense.

“I’ve always been this way. I don’t want you to take it personally. I’ve been on my own so long, I’ve been down so long… I don’t know how to lean on someone. Especially when I’m not even sure what’s wrong.”

Something painful to witness pooled in Erwin’s gaze. He was hurt by this. In a way that Levi had never seen. In a way that Levi didn’t think was even possible.

If there was at least one thing Levi was certain of, he didn’t want Erwin to ever feel this pain again.

“But I’m willing to learn,” he whispered, hesitating as he pulled Erwin’s warm hand into his own again. “If you’re willing to teach me.”

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