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isolemnlyswearpevensie · 4 years

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Nothing Changed But Everything’s Different | Sirius Black x Reader

Warning: slowburn angst, mentions of slight violence, alcohol, no happy ending

Time/Era: Marauder Era, Ages 18-21

Word Count: 10.1k

Summary: Sirius found someone who made him believe in love at first sight.

Request: Okay! :) Well in that case can I have an ANGST Sirius x Reader? Where they’ve been together for a few years (it’s post-hogwarts only a couple years) but the relationship is starting to sour and crumble. Sirius being Sirius is flirting with other girls and just neglecting y/n. They argue a lot and everyone can see that it’s deteriorating. It gets to a point where he just flat doesn’t acknowledge her even though they live together, long and ANGSTY pls 🥺 :) U decide the ending! :) Ty, much love!

A/N: I worked really, really hard on this so I hope you enjoy :) Let me know what you think :)

part 2 | masterlist | marauders era playlist | read on ao3

“She’s absolutely gorgeous, Prongs!” A young Sirius Black twirled around the dorm room and fell onto his bed with a dreamy sigh. “She’s witty and smart mouthed, but she’s so sweet and nice at the same time. She listens to the Weird Sisters and Queen and she’s a total badass.”

“Y/N L/N?” James scoffs, bending over a sketch he was working on. It appeared to be an intricate building of some sort, complete with four stories and geometric windows.

“Yes, Y/N L/N! I think it’s love at first sight, Prongsy. I’m going to marry that girl one day.” Sirius laid one of his ankles against the post of his bed. The leather of his boot made a loud squeaking noise, and James cringed.

“Have you ever even talked to Y/N L/N?” James smiled smugly and smudged ink across the side of his hand.

“Have you ever had an actual conversation with Lily Evans?” Sirius countered, making James sputter. James looked diagonally towards Sirius and moved his head so their corresponding bedposts weren’t in the way.

“I have! This morning, for example! We talked about the morning toast for a full 3 minutes!” His glasses began to fog as his cheeks warm. Sirius laughed heartily and threw the pillow that was under his head square at James’ face. With a deep ‘oof,’ James looks back towards Sirius, glasses now crooked. “Fine, don’t believe me! You’re just angry Evans is finally starting to fall for my charm.”

“Ah yes, my bad. I forgot sweat and body odor was irresistible to girls.”

“Lily isn’t a girl.” James reached his slender fingers to level his glasses. “She’s a woman.”

Sirius was sent into hysterics; chest heaving, loud laughter, tearful, hysterics. James rolled his eyes and threw the pillow back at Sirius. But, in all of its glory, the cushion hit Sirius’ bedpost and sent feathers flying through the air. Sirius busts out in even more laughter, falling to the floor with a big, dramatic thud.

“What’s going on here?” Remus asks, entering the room and setting his bag onto his bed. “Why is Pads on the floor?”

“JP assaulted me!”

“I DID NOT YOU THREW FIRST!!!”

Remus chuckled under his breath and unbuckled his bag to retrieve his homework. “And what exactly caused this alleged assault? Did Sirius call you Prancer again?”

A bark sounding laugh came from Sirius and James scowled.

“No, we were just talking about his newfound obsession with Y/N L/N and he took an unwarranted dig at mine and Lily’s relationship.”

Remus snorted and set his work on his desk. “What relationship?” Sirius let out another “HA” and pulled himself back onto his mattress. “And isn’t Y/N L/N the one who called your hair greasy, Pads?”

“Well, yes, but I like a woman with a bit of attitude,” Sirius sighed dreamily. His left pointer finger, ring and all, came to twirl a chunk of his hair. “I think I want an autumn wedding.”

“You’re not getting married to her, mate. You don’t even know her.” James came to Remus’ bed and started poking around his bag. “Are you putting on the scar ointment Pomfrey gave you still, Moons? Hey! Stop picking at that one, you’re going to make it worse!” He slapped Remus’ hand away from his face and Remus rolled his eyes.

“Who are you? My mother?”

“I am too going to marry her, James! Just watch me!”

Peter opened the door solemnly, a grumpy look plastered on his face. James turns nervously towards him before slapping him on the back.

“What happened, Pete? I thought you were supposed to be on a date?”

“I was, but she stood me up. Again.” Peter responds, making a beeline for the window seat. Conveniently, it was located next to his bed, so he haphazardly tossed his school bag onto the mattress. He grabs hold of one of the pillows before hugging it to his chest and burying his head into it. Sirius and James share a look before Sirius speaks up.

“Awh, you’ll get ‘em next time. Don’t worry too much about it. It’s her loss, really.”

“No, it was my loss. It was Abagail Cavin, mate. It was definitely my loss.” Peter’s voice was muffled as he muttered into the soft fabric.

“Who’s Abagail Cavin?” Sirius asks, looking towards Remus for an answer. He shrugs.

“I think that’s the ginger girl who always hangs around Y/N L/N? A year or two below us,” James thought aloud. “She’s friends with Lily too, I’ve seen them studying together.”

Remus snorts. “Of course you have.”

“I don’t know if I’m sad or angry.” The mousy boy admits, throwing the pillow in his lap at the wall. It hit one of Sirius’ Queen posters, making the frame fall to the floor with a loud crash. James is quick to swoop in and redirect Peter’s attention in fear of him escalating.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, there’s no need to get mad at Abagail. Um, how about we go get some sweets from the kitchens, yeah? Maybe that’ll make you feel better.”

Peter tightened his jaw, staring at the now shattered frame on the ground. After a moment of silence from all the boys, Peter nodded and the pair exited the room.

“Y/N L/N,” Sirius spoke in his signature flirty voice. He tried to match her walking pace, but she seemed to be in a rush.

“Sirius Black, what can I do for you?” Y/N answered, her school uniform skirt swaying as she walked. She was on her way to meet Abagail in the library so the two could study together, and she was already 5 minutes late.

“I was wondering if you would -excuse me, sorry- if you would like to go to the next Quidditch match with me?” Y/N seemed to swerve in and out of the crowded hallway like a car in heavy traffic. “Supposed to be a good game, you know.”

“Me? Go with you? While you cheer your little boyfriend on? Thanks for offering, but I have to decline.”

“Come on, you always go anyway! It could be fun!” Sirius finally matched Y/N’s fast gait. “And maybe we could grab some hot butterbeer or cider after.”

Y/N sighed, suddenly stopping at the entrance of the library. She faced Sirius boldly and grabbed his upper arms with her hands.

“Listen, it’s really flattering that you want me to go with you, and I have to admit, you’re super cute. But, you don’t exactly have the best track record with girls and I don’t want to be just a checkmark on your list of girls to shag.”

While any person would be wounded by Y/N’s blunt assumptions, Sirius grins. “That’s where you’re wrong, love. I don’t really have a track record with girls, unless you count the week I dated Marlene McKinnon the October of our 2nd year. It’s our 7th year and I’ve had one kind-of girlfriend.”

Sirius watched as Y/N’s facial expression changed. Taking this as an invitation to keep going, he rubs his hands together and continues. “And if you’re talking about shagging, I’ve shagged maybe three girls who were not on some kind of to-fuck list, thank you very much.” Sirius suddenly leans in so he could whisper. “I’m just flirty. And based on the look on your face, the flirting is working.”

“Y/N!” Abagail’s voice made Y/N drop her hands and Sirius smirk. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, we’re just chit chatting,” Sirius answers for Y/N. “But, I do have a question for you, Ab.”

Abagail’s face scrunched in response. “Don’t call me that. What’s your question?”

“Why’d you stand up my mate Peter?” Sirius now stood with his feet shoulders width apart, arms crossed over his chest and his hair pulled to one side. Y/N couldn’t help but admire how well Sirius’ uniform pants fit.

“What do you mean, stand him up? We talked about hanging out, but we never made actual plans. Honestly, I don’t really think I want to make any official plans. Some of the things he says are kinda scary.” Y/N looks sympathetically towards her friend.

“I told you to just ignore him, babes.”

“I know, I know. I really think he’s a nice guy deep down though.”

Sirius looked puzzled, “What harmless, little Peter Pettigrew says scares you?”

Abagail nods frantically, “He came and sat with Lily and me when we were studying in the library last week. He went on a rant about how he can’t wait to become an Auror just to see,” The girl lifted her fingers to so air quotes. “How far he can take it.”

“That doesn’t sound like Peter at all,” Sirius’ eyebrows knit in confusion.

“Well, it was. And Y/N and I have a lot of studying to do. So, if you’ll excuse us.” Abagail gently tugged at Y/N’s arm.

“Wait! So, is it a date, Y/N?” Sirius called after the girls. Y/N turned over her shoulder and beamed.

“Common room before the match. I don’t like to be kept waiting, Black!”

“You don’t like to be kept waiting… but you think it’s perfectly okay to leave me all alone in the common room? That’s not very kind, Y/N.” Sirius watched Y/N descend the stairs to the girls dormitory. He was wearing his Gryffindor sweater and ripped black jeans, his hair tied messily in a bun. A long, striped scarf dangled lazily on his shoulders and draped down his frame to his mid thigh.

“I said before the match and if I’m not mistaken, it’s before the match.” Y/N tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Are those for me?”

Sirius quickly stood, holding out a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. “Heh, yeah. I thought it was fitting because it’s the middle of October and we’re going to a Quidditch match. The leaves are orange and there’s so many colors and the sunflowers have the same kind of color pallet-”

“Sirius, they’re lovely. Thank you.” Y/N cut off the blabbering boy. She took the flowers happily and observed their pretty petals. Sirius was right; the rich golden color matched the fallen leaves that littered the Hogwarts grounds. Y/N held up a waiting finger to Sirius so she could go leave her flowers in her dorm.

“It’s pretty cold out, love, do you want to grab a jacket?” Sirius said when she returned.

“It’s all in the name of fashion, my dear,” Y/N pulls a piece of hair behind her ear and nods towards the portrait hole. “Shall we?”

Y/N sat in the crowd with her legs crossed; her shoulders were slumped forwards and her hands stayed sandwiched in between her thighs. Gryffindor was absolutely destroying Ravenclaw with the impressive score of 80-10.

“The snitch is right by Potter’s head!” Y/N screeched, bumping Sirius’ shoulder with her own.

“Where?! I don’t see it!”

“To the right! Meadowes needs to catch it before Lockhart sees it!” Y/N shivers in spite of herself, bringing her hands to her mouth in order to warm them. Sirius snickers and loops his scarf around her shoulders.

“Hopefully that doesn’t ruin your outfit, love.” Sirius winks and turns back to the game.

The scarf was soft and toasty, and smelt exactly like Sirius. The satisfying mix of leather, butterbeer, pine and smoke engulfed her senses and made her dizzy. Y/N wrapped it around her arms and snuggled deeper into the soft knit.

“Meadowes spots the snitch!” Remus announces over the intercom. The entire statum seemed to erupt into chaos; cheers and boos echoing off of every surface within 500 feet.

Y/N had always had a soft spot for Remus; they weren’t friends, but something about him was so warm and inviting. He in no way seemed like the type to announce a Quidditch match, but it appears that when you’re friends with James Potter long enough, anything could happen.

Dorcas zooms past the Gryffindor student section in her pursuit for the snitch. The entire group, Lily and Marlene especially, scream out loud words of encouragement. Y/N could have sworn she could see a faint smile appear across Dorcas’ features.

“Potter scores! 10 points to Gryffindor! 90-10! Ravenclaw could still win if Lockhart catches the snitch!”

“Come on, come on,” Sirius mumbles under his breath. No matter how much he liked to deny it, Sirius got really into Quidditch. He couldn’t play for shit, but he knew the mechanics of the game like the back of his hand.

“Meadowes catches the snitch! Gryffindor wins!!” The entire crowd goes ballistic. Kids hug, and some kiss, before storming the field to congratulate their team. James stays on his broom, doing small loops in the air in the hopes of impressing a certain redhead.

Sirius wraps his strong arms around his date, pulling her to her feet and lifting her into the air. “We won, Y/N! We won!!”

Y/N snakes her arms around Sirius in return, a similar happiness bubbling in her chest.

“What’d ya say about grabbing some hot cider from the kitchens to celebrate?” Sirius questions, noticing they’re the last students at their seats.

Y/N nods, a soft smile gracing her face. “Yes, please. I’m fucking freezing.”

“It would be easier if you just levitated the boxes in, love.” Y/N watched as Sirius struggled to carry boxes into the living room of their new flat. She giggled, admiring her boyfriend’s flexed biceps and strong hands. The prominent veins in his hands and forearms were bulging, making the manual labor a show for his very happy girlfriend.

“I feel like that’s bad luck,” Sirius explained, placing the cardboard onto the floor. “I want to do this right. If I don’t we could be cursed.”

“Whatever you say, babe. But, just so you know, that box goes into the kitchen.” With a flirty wink and smile, Y/N walked into their bedroom to unpack some of their boxes.

Their new flat wasn’t overly exciting; it was a one bedroom, one bath flat above a small bakery in the center of London. It was a tiny space, as you’d expect two barely-twenty-year-olds to own, but it would soon be their home. Y/N was just excited the flat had a kitchenette and a small living space.

The best part, in Y/N’s opinion at least, was the fact that the smell of freshly baked bread filled their flat at the beginning of each day. The elderly bakery owners, Jullian and Caspar, had given the young couple a good price on the flat. According to them, they were waiting for the perfect couple to rent from them. What that meant, Y/N didn’t know, but it made her feel special all the same.

Y/N looked out of their window to the hustle and bustle on the sidewalk below. The shop was a small, hole in the wall bakery called Dream Puffs, that was oddly popular for its location. And Y/N was quick to understand why. Almost everything they made, especially the sour dough bread and cream puffs, were to die for. Jillian had presented Sirius and her a large loaf of the bread and a dozen cream puffs as a welcome present, most of which had been eaten already. Y/N wished she had known of Dream Puffs and the wonderful owners before, but she supposed she still had a lot to discover in London.

The one downside was the only way to get into their apartment was by going through the bakery. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but when you’re in a rush or having a bad day, having to face random people isn’t the most ideal situation. Jullian and Caspar were nice enough to close the bakery early for the couple’s move in.

“I thought you were supposed to be unpacking?” Sirius poked his head into their bedroom with sweat dripping down his brow.

“Oh right, sorry,” Y/N lazily flicked her wand and their clothing sprang to life.

“Bad luck, Y/N!” He entered the room and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, laid his chin on her shoulder and looked out the window. The busy streets and buildings were muted by the glass, which made Y/N feel as if they were watching ants in an ant farm.

“I doubt we’ll get bad luck from levitating a few shirts, darling,” Y/N brought one of his hands to her mouth, gently kissing his knuckles before returning it to her waist. “I can’t believe this place is ours,”

“Well, technically it’s Jillian’s and Caspars, but yes.” Sirius chuckles directly into Y/N’s ear and kisses her shoulder. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Yes and no. Not now, obviously, but eventually. We’re going to be together forever anyway, so why should we rush?”

Y/N sighed happily, feeling very loved.

“Do you think Abagail will ever talk to me again?” Peter asked, laying his head against the armrest of the couch. “I heard she's working at the book shop in Diagon Alley.”

Y/N snorted, laying her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder and enjoying the sound of the record playing in the corner of the room. Sirius and Y/N were hosting a dinner party for their friends in celebration of James getting accepted into the Auror academy. The nine of them -Sirius, Y/N, James, Lily, Peter, Remus, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary- were all piled in Sirius and Y/N’s small living room, tipsy and full of warm food.

“That happened almost two years ago, Pete. Let it go,” Y/N hummed, Sirius’ gentle hand rubbing her back and lulling her to sleep. She could feel the vibrations of Sirius’ laughter through his leather jacket.

“Yeah, so? I’m not allowed to like someone that long?” Peter’s voice was harsher than he anticipated, making Sirius send a glare his way.

“She means stop moping around and pining after a girl who doesn’t want you. There’s a world of opportunity and thousands of girls just waiting to date you if you open your eyes to it.” Sirius’ tone was barely lighter than Peter’s.

“Well I don’t want thousands of girls, Padfoot. I want Abagail. Not everyone can hit it on their first try.”

“Hit it on their first try?” Y/N was now wide awake. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean,” Peter sat up, looking Y/N straight in the eyes. “You fucked Sirius on the first date.”

“Woah, woah, woah, alright that’s enough. Wormy, Pads, Y/N, let’s all just take a deep breath and calm down for a moment.” James was quick on his feet to defuse the potentially harmful situation. He knew how Peter could get, and he didn’t want to see it escalate to that point.

“Did you just slut shame me for having sex with my own boyfriend? Do you even have the authority to do that, Mr. Unused-Condom?” Y/N was now standing with James, starting to walk towards Peter. Peter stumbled to his feet and stared into Y/N’s eyes.

“He wasn’t your boyfriend then, Miss Drop-My-Panties-for-a-Knut.”

Sirius was quick to act, anger boiling inside of him. His knuckles balled into a fist and he threw a nasty punch square into Peter’s jaw. “No one insults my girl, Peter. I thought you knew better than that.” Sirius’ voice was like nothing Y/N had ever heard; it was cold and icy, yet fiery hot and full of hell-bending anger.

Peter looked up and slugged Sirius right in the nose, making it gush blood. Remus grabs Sirius’ arms and binds them behind his back, trusting James to do the same to Peter.

Y/N shrieked, having never seen Sirius or Peter get physical with anyone, let alone each other. Marlene grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the boys.

“What have we talked about, you two?” James demanded, the vein on his neck bulging.

“I’m not going to sit around and let him harass my girlfriend, JP! He’s a fucking asshole and he knows it!” Sirius struggled against his binds, but Remus was much stronger than him.

“I’m not the one dating a slut!”

“Get the fuck out of my flat!” Sirius screams making the room shake. Peter wiggles from James’ grip and grabs his wand before disapperating out of the room.

Remus releases Sirius and he stomps out of the flat and down the stairs, most likely to go smoke a cigarette. James quickly follows after a glance towards Lily.

“What did James mean when he said ‘what have we talked about,’ Remus?” Y/N asks, her soft voice a stark contrast from Sirius’ shouting. Remus runs a big hand down his face and plops onto the couch.

“I wasn’t supposed to let you girls know,” He scoffs, shaking his head. “Sirius and Peter have been at each other’s throats for the past few years. Recently, it started getting physical. James always tries to defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work a ton.” Remus meets Y/N’s gaze and smiles sadly. “That boy would do absolutely anything for you, I hope you know that.”

Sirius laid in bed with his arms wound tightly around Y/N’s waist. It was near 5 am and the light was just barely peeking through the window of their bedroom. The morning bread must have just been put in the oven, as the smell of fresh bread was slowly starting to overtake the flat. A long sliver of silver light slashed against the wall before fading delicately into the white paint. Sirius sighed contently and looked down at his girl.

Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly agape; Sirius observed how Y/N’s eyes moved under her eyelids while wondering what she was dreaming about. He hoped she dreamt of him, as his dreams were constantly riddled with her. Every aspect of her danced around his dreams: her lovely smile, her laugh, her scent, her gait, and everything that made Y/N Y/N. Sirius’ own lips parted a miniscule amount as he brought the back of his fingers to brush her cheek. He couldn’t help but notice how soft her skin was under his touch. She was so peaceful in this moment, and if she was to be disturbed, the world would crack.

But all good things come to an end, and Y/N opened her eyes. Her features were riddled with the grogginess of sleep as she batted her eyes to focus her vision.

“Darling? Is everything alright?” Her voice was honey in his ears.

“Perfect, my love. Go back to sleep.”

“What time is it?” Y/N began to wiggle from his strong grip, but Sirius tightened his hold on her waist.

The man shot a spare glance at the old coo-coo clock that hung in the corner. “Quarter to five”

“Then may I ask why you’re awake?”

Sirius sighed, pressing an opened mouth kiss on her forehead. “Couldn’t sleep, the nightmares are still awry.”

“What was it this time? Your mom?” Y/N was now wide awake and propped up onto her elbow.

“No, the last Order mission, actually,” Sirius gently brushed a clump of hair out of her eyes. “But it’s okay, I’m alright. I have you here with me.”

Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched and her mouth pierced. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, my darling. I just want to lay here with my beautiful girl in my arms.”

“I’ve never been to this bar before,” Y/N giggles as Sirius opens the door to the small building. The outside’s appearance was rather unappealing; cracked, exposed brick that has moss growing out of it, a leaky gutter system, a splintering wooden door and a faded open sign. Y/N looked up towards the LED sign that spelled out the bar’s name. Silver Sickle Bar and Eatery illuminated in the wet pavement, but multiple letters were unlit, making it read Silver Ickle and Eat.

“Me either, one of my clients works here and said she’d give me free drinks.” Sirius winked before following Y/N inside.

The place was small and drafty, but oddly cozy. It had the same exposed brick as the outside, but this time, they were bright red and covered in picture frames. A few wooden tables were scattered across the floor opposite the bar, and various older men sat with beers in their hands.

“Oh, Sirius! My love, you came!” A very angelic girl from behind bar squeals, quickly exciting the bar and throwing her arms around Sirius. Her hurried speed made Y/N step away from the pair to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Sirius chuckles heartily, wrapping his arms around her small frame, seeming to forget Y/N was there.

“Vanessa! Nice to see you again,” He exhaled. A sinking feeling settled in the bottom of Y/N’s stomach. “How is your tattoo healing?”

Vanessa pulls her shirt down to show Sirius the skin in between her breasts. On her skin sat a magical tattoo of a Hongorian Horntail dragon, which looked towards Sirius and blew a big breath of fire his way. The art was gorgeous, very obviously Sirius’ work, which only made Y/N’s stomach sink further into her feet. The red, lacy, v neck bra Vanessa was wearing brought out the ink in the tattoo perfectly, and the shape of the cut displayed not only her breasts, but the dragon beautifully.

Y/N knew that many of Sirius’ clients were girls; she wasn’t stupid. He was a newly licensed tattoo artist at the biggest magical tattoo parlor in all of London. Not to mention, Sirius was an incredibly talented artist, which meant his appointment list was extremely difficult to get on. The charming attitude and good looks only added to the appeal of his artistry.

“Who’s this?” Vanessa turned her gaze from Sirius’ to look directly at Y/N. Her long, black hair fell over her shoulder like a waterfall and her porcelain skin glowed under the dim lighting.

“Oh! Right,” Sirius stuttered, shooting a grin in Y/N’s direction. “This is my gorgeous girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N this is Vanessa, I did her dragon tattoo last week.”

Y/N forced herself to send a polite smile towards the girl who was just all over her boyfriend. Vanessa sent an equally fake smile and began to walk back to the bar.

“And what can I get started for you, handsome?” She giggled, standing in front of the large wall of liquor. Y/N felt as if she was back at Hogwarts with all the girls throwing themselves at Sirius.

“Old fashioned,” Sirius responded, taking place on one of the wooden stools. “And for the lady, tequila on the rocks with lime.”

Vanessa sends Y/N an icy look before giggling sweetly. “Coming right up.”

Y/N sends a worried glance towards Sirius, but he just responds by squeezing her thigh and kissing her temple.

“So, do you have any tattoos? Since you’re so good at your job, I would assume you do, yes?” Vanessa asks, pouring Sirius’s drink and sliding it towards him.

“Quite a few,” He catches the glass before it flies off the bar. “Most of them are covered by my shirt though.”

It was true, Sirius’ torso and shoulders were littered with tattoos: A large lion across his right shoulder onto his bicep, stag antlers across his shoulder blades, a moon on the lower left side of his stomach, rat paw marks under the moon, and constellations riddling his collarbones.

The bartender tilts her head to the side cheekily. “Can I see them?”

Sirius chuckles in a very happy, flattered way. “I don’t think that’s quite necessary here,”

“But I can already see this one…” Vanessa reached her arm across the bar and traced the bottom of the lion’s mane with her long, slender fingers. The tattoo seemed to move with her movements. “Can’t I see the rest?”

Y/N coughs, slapping her hand against the bar. The vibration of Y/N’s sudden movement caused Sirius’ drink to wobble inside the glass. “I think I ordered a tequila not a random chick flirting with my boyfriend.”

“Of course, how foolish of me.” Vanessa sent a scowl Y/N’s way and turned her back to fetch the bottle of alcohol. Sirius matched Vanessa’s expression.

Once the flirt finished making Y/N’s drink, she slid it over to her. Y/N took a sip, only to find it was awfully made and very watered down.

“Sirius, babe, I have a headache, can we go home?”

“You didn’t have a headache a minute ago?” Sirius raises an eyebrow.

“I know, I just feel a migraine coming on. I really need to take my migraine potion before it gets bad. Please?”

Sirius sighs and nods, throwing an arm around her shoulders and kissing her temple. “Of course, babygirl.”

The pair stand from their stools but Vanessa stops them. “That’ll be 2 galleons for the tequila.”

“You said you’d give me free drinks?” Sirius placed a comforting hand on Y/N’s lower back, rubbing small circles over her shirt.

“Yeah, for you. The tequila wasn’t for you.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out two galleons, slamming them onto the bar.

“Can I bet on seeing you again?” A loud giggle comes from her mouth as the couple exited the building. “Maybe you can show me your tattoos.”

“I don’t know, Lily! She was all over him and he didn’t stop it.” Y/N bit into an apple and traced the Potters’ tablecloth. It was a month after Sirius and Y/N had visited The Silver Sickle, and Y/N couldn’t keep her anxieties to herself.

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Lily responded, kneading a big glob of pie crust at the counter. Potter Cottage was much larger than Sirius and Y/N’s flat above Dream Puffs. Earlier that month, Lily had announced she was pregnant, so James decided it was time to upgrade from their small flat to a house fit to raise a family.

“Yes, but each time I try to bring her up he gets defensive and assures me that it was nothing, that he was trying to get free drinks.”

Lily stared down at her dough intensely before grabbing her rolling pin. “Well, I wouldn’t let him get away with it. Maybe try to ask him again tonight? Just sit down and have a real, hearts on the table conversation about your feelings and whatnot. It’s important to do that.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. He’s been staying at work late this entire week. Apparently, one of his clients is getting a full back tattoo and it’s taking multiple sessions to finish. This is his biggest job to date, I don’t want to ruin it for him.”

“How late is late?” The mom-to-be laid the pie crust into her pan and began to trim the excess off of the edges.

“Nine, sometimes ten. He comes home exhausted.”

“Hm, okay. I’d still try to speak with him if you can. How’s your work going? St. Mungos treating you well?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely. My supervisor said that I’m one of the best beginning level healers he’s seen since Pomfrey worked in my ward,” Y/N took another bite of her apple. “I might get transferred to the branch in France for a week coming up, though. There was a big gas explosion and they have over 200 burn victims. My supervisor said it would be a good experience for me.”

“Oh, I read about that in The Prophet! Those poor people,” Lily filled the crust with apple pie filling. “I’m sure they need all the help they can get.”

“Oh, I know. I haven’t learned much about burn solvents yet, so it’ll be interesting to learn on the job.”

“Are you going this week? What a shame, it’s your birthday on Saturday.”

“Oh, no, the earliest I would be leaving is a fortnight from now. I’m kind of a last resort since I don’t have much experience or training yet.” Y/N stood and threw her apple core into the bin. “How’s JP doing at the Academy? He’s in his second year by now, right?”

“Oh, he’s doing lovely. The Order is grateful for his efforts and have been sending him on more missions than before.” Lily sighs. “It’s rather nerve wracking, isn't it? You’re lucky Sirius doesn’t get called on many.”

Y/N laughed a bit uncomfortably. “Yeah, I suppose they prefer actual Aurors to go on the calls. But when he does go, those are the worst nights. I can’t imagine having to go through that on a daily basis.”

“It’s really hard,” Lily’s voice cracks and she begins to cry. “I’m sorry, it’s the hormones.”

“Don’t apologize, Lils. I know how scary it can be. At least he's with Wormtail most of the time, yeah? They’re at the academy together and all.”

Lily takes a deep breath to control her crying. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. Thank god for Wormy.”

“Hello there, pretty lady. I heard there’s a 21st birthday party to be thrown?” James said happily as Y/N opened the door of the flat. Lily and Remus tailed him ever so slightly, all three wearing large grins and holding brightly wrapped packages.

“Birthday party? You guys don’t-”

James waved his hand dismissively. “We’re already here, so you’re kind of stuck with us. Peter should be here eventually.” The three push their way into the living room.

“The nice elderly woman downstairs asked me to bring you this,” Remus held out a cupcake with bright red frosting. Y/N took it happily and walked to the kitchen to set it on the counter.

“Thank you, Moony. But, really, you guys didn’t have to. Sirius isn’t even here.” Y/N felt self conscious around her friends. She was wearing an old tee shirt from her early teens, a beloved Scooby-Doo tee with a rip in the left armpit, and black yoga pants. It was safe to say Y/N was more than ready to spend her birthday alone.

“What do you mean, not here?” Remus was standing in the corner of the living room, flipping through Sirius and Y/N’s record collection. They had so many at this point that the couple was unsure which record belonged to who.

“I don’t know, he left early this morning saying he got called into work. Something about an angry customer.” Y/N felt small under the group’s gaze. “I wasn’t really paying attention, I was half asleep.”

Y/N watched as Lily and James shared a look. “I didn’t think the shop was open on Saturdays, but I guess they are.” Y/N’s shoulders lowered visibly, making Lily backtrack. “It’s the pregnancy brain, Y/N. I’ve been mixing things up for the past week and a half.”

“Right, right. Of course. Um, how’s that going, by the way?” She crossed her arms across her stomach uncomfortably.

“Oh, it’s going wonderful! We actually have something to give you, if that’s okay.”

“Wait!” James cut in. “We should wait for Wormy to get here!”

Lily hit his chest with the back of her hand. “Oh, come off it. You know how late he is to everything! Let’s do it now.” The couple led Y/N to the couch and sat on either side of her, both wearing matching shit-eating grins. Remus remained leaning against the wall, ready to flip the record when the time came. James placed a medium-sized purple box on her lap.

Y/N carefully undid the wrapping paper, prompting James to let out a loud groan.

“Any day now, woman!”

Y/N giggled. “Hey! It’s my birthday! Be nice to me!”

“I am being nice to you, Y/N! I gave you a present, didn’t I?”

Y/N bumped her shoulder with his and reached into the box. Her fingertips met with the soft fabric of a tee shirt. Upon pulling the garment out completely, she observed that the words World’s Best Godmother was printed across the front. Immediately, Y/N dropped the shirt and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Is that a yes?” Lily asked, her eyes tearing again.

“Yes! Oh my god!” Y/N’s own tears trailed down her cheeks as she hugged both tightly. “Me? Godmother?”

“I can’t think of anyone more worthy,” Remus remarked as he watched the heartwarming scene unfold in front of him. Y/N was so overwhelmed with joy that she had almost forgotten that Sirius was absent. Almost.

The party went along swimmingly from there on out; Peter had arrived shortly after Y/N unboxed Remus’ gift, a new cauldron and potion ingredients, and another gift from the Potters, a pair of gorgeous black combat boots. The mousey-boy shuffled over to Y/N and handed her a small gift bag.

“Oh? Thanks, Pete.” Y/N awkwardly pulled out the contents of the bag. “Oh, good, a gift card to Silver Sickle Bar and Eatery.” She tried to sound thankful towards the man in front of her, but the disdain was still evident in her voice.

“Sirius said it was his favorite bar, so I thought you’d like it. Maybe we can grab some lunch there, obviously my treat,” He lazily gestures to the card in her hand. “We haven’t really hung out for a while. I figured it would be nice. If you don’t like it I can get you something diff-”

Y/N cut him off with a hug, “Thank you, Peter, this was really thoughtful. Would next week work?”

“Wednesday?” He wraps his arms around Y/N’s frame for a moment before letting go.

“Wednesday works perfectly.”

The four continued to hang out well into the night; laughing, chatting, drinking, listening to music, and playing board games. As the party dragged on, Y/N couldn’t help but grow worried about Sirius’ whereabouts. Her worries were harshly pushed aside, though, when Lily suggested they play poker.

“Ugh, I fold.” Peter slams his cards down onto the coffee table and laid back onto the carpet in defeat. Y/N smirked at Remus, her only opponent, and gestured for him to show her his cards.

“Straight, beat that,” Remus says confidently. James and Peter “oooh” childishly and looked towards Y/N. It was very apparent that all of them, besides Lily, were very buzzed.

Y/N smirked and shook her head, “You play a hard bargain, Lupin. So good that I applaud you. But,” Y/N laid her hand on the table: four of a kind. “You’re just not good enough.”

The room laughs as Y/N pulls the large pile of galleons, sickles, knuts and Lily’s wedding ring towards her. Y/N slips it onto her own ring finger and holds her hand as if to admire it.

“Oh, Lily, dear, don’t you just adore my new ring? Look at how it glistens in the light!”

The redhead rolls her eyes and snatches it off of Y/N’s finger. “I’ll just be taking that,” She puts it back on.

“It will forever be known to be my legal property, Evans. Don’t forget it!”

“Does that mean I’m married to both of you now?” James smiles a dopey grin and looks back and forth between the two women. Y/N pretends to gag.

“On second thought, I surrender my rights to your ring.”

The group continued their laughter until the front door of the flat swung open. A very drunk Sirius Black stumbled in the door, dumbfounded as to why all of his friends were in his house.

“Why are you guys here?” Sirius slurred, pulling up the shoulder of his leather jacket. He bumped the record player in the process, making Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac skip.

“It’s Y/N’s birthday, Sirius,” Remus responded, his soft voice contrasting to his previously upbeat tone. Sirius slouched against the wall and slid down it until he hit the floor.

“Y/N’s birthday...Y/N’s birthday...Oh! Y/N’s birthday! Was that today?”

James was quick to jump into action. Propelling himself off of the couch, he took Sirius into his arms and brought him to a standing position. Sirius, of course, whined the entire way up, claiming that the floor wanted him to sit there. James responded with a small hum before peeling Sirius’ jacket off of his body and throwing it onto the kitchen counter. As Y/N watched, she couldn’t help but notice a bright pink smear on Sirius’ neck.

“Yes, it’s today, you big goof. Where have you been?”

Sirius went into a big flurry of words as James brought him towards the bedroom. Y/N thought she heard ‘And you should have seen her!’ amidst all the jumbled words, but she pied that off as her anxious imagination running awry. Lily’s hand found her back and she rubbed soothing circles on Y/N’s shoulder blades.

“He forgot,” Y/N said to no one in particular. “I can’t believe he actually forgot.”

“I’m sure he didn’t forget,” Lily soothed Y/N, rubbing circles into her shoulder blades. “He probably got carried away at happy hour, you know how he gets.”

“Happy hour on Y/N’s birthday though?” Peter shook his head. Something about his tone didn’t sit well with Y/N. Lily shot a glare his way.

The party did not last much longer; Remus said he had an interview with Dumbledore about a TA position at Hogwarts, Lily was tired, and Peter said that he was going on a mission tomorrow and needed rest. Y/N bid her friends farewell with large hugs and thank you’s.

It’s safe to say that Y/N slept on the couch that night.

Y/N awoke to sunlight in her eyes and a crick in her neck. The living room window wasn’t guarded with curtains, so even at the early hour of 4:30 AM, the room was illuminated with soft oranges, reds, and pinks. Y/N sat up and reached her hands above her head to stretch her back. She looks towards the bedroom door, listening for the soft snores of her boyfriend. Her neck screamed in agony, but she still stood and padded over to open the door.

Y/N twisted the doorknob with care, trying to be as silent as humanly possible. She needed to see Sirius, not have a conversation with him. Alas, in all his glory, Sirius lied on his stomach with his mouth hung open and drool oozing onto the pillow. The girl admired how he looked as he slept; the sharp jaw, the perfect skin, the messy hair, the peaceful look gracing his features. He still wore his skinny jeans from the day previous, but at some point during the night, he discarded his white dress shirt. Y/N’s gaze darted around the floor until it landed on the crumpled fabric.

Y/N glanced back at Sirius, admiring the artwork that filled his back. She remembered the day he got it; James cried when he first saw the gorgeous antlers. The low light highlighted the dark brown ink and seemed to make his skin appear airbrushed. Y/N smiled in spite of herself.

Closing the door softly, Y/N walks into their small kitchen to prepare some tea in order to calm her nerves. The apartment was rather messy from the ‘party’ and Y/N had to dig through endless dirty dishes to find a mug clean enough to use. Y/N finally found one, a lavender mug that Marlene had given her for her 17th birthday, and set it on the counter while she filled the kettle.

The kitchen wasn’t as dirty as Y/N previously thought. Sure, the sink was overflowing with dishes, but the kitchen itself was rather clean. And besides Sirius’ leather jacket, the counter was clear. The floor, though, was slightly sticky. Y/N sighs and flicks her wand; almost silently, the dishes start cleaning themselves.

Y/N reaches for Sirius’ jacket, only to have a squishy substance fall onto her feet. She jumps back in surprise and disgust of the weird texture. But, the real panic sets in when she notices a big red spot on not only the floor but the leather jacket. Upon further investigation, Y/N realizes it’s the frosting from the cupcake Remus had given her. Sirius was very protective of this jacket and if he saw this, Y/N would be a dead man. So, she did the only reasonable thing she could think of: scrub the material with a wet paper towel.

Thankfully, the frosting came off easily and didn’t stain the material. The only real obstacle was the sweet scent of the frosting lingering on the garment. Sirius had an insane sense of smell, so if he picked up even the slightest trail of sugar, Y/N would be busted. She delicately lifted the material to her nose.

The musky scent of Sirius filled her nose as normal; leather, smoke, cologne, and spearmint. Y/N grinned at the familiar scent until she noticed a strong rose perfume almost ingrained into the leather. Y/N’s perfume smelled of vanilla.

Y/N held her breath as she opened the door of the Silver Sickle, she was in no mood to see Vanessa again. All the same, Y/N put effort into her appearance just in case. She let out her breath when she noticed an old man behind the bar and Peter sitting in the corner.

“Hey,” Y/N said breathlessly as she pulled out one of the wooden chairs and sat down. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little nervous meeting Peter alone; the two seemed to rekindle their friendship after he and Sirius fought. He promised that he was just drunk and not thinking, and Y/N not wanting to cause childish conflict within their friend group, had accepted his apology.

“Hey!” He squeaked. “I didn’t know if you wanted to day drink or not, so I just ordered you a water to start off with.”

Y/N laughed awkwardly. “Thanks, Wormy.” She took a long sip from her straw, trying to slow her nervous heart. “So, uh, how’s the academy? James said you are taking more and more missions with the order.”

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, it’s great! Being an Auror is really fun, you really get to show people who’s boss, ya know?”

“Um, I guess?”

“I think they’re gonna kick me out, though. I haven’t done the best job at catching who I’m pursuing.” Peter raises his eyebrows and cocks his head to the side.

“Oh? Why not?” Y/N glanced over the menu, only half listening to what her companion was saying.

“I just like to play with them a ‘lil, like a cat and mouse. Except this time, I’m not the mouse.”

Y/N looks at a delicious looking chicken sandwich on the menu and hums in response.

“So, how are you and Sirius doing? It seemed pretty rough last week.” Peter takes a chunk of ice from his drink and starts chewing it. “If you want to talk about it, I guess.”

This brings Y/N out of her sandwich-filled thoughts. “I don’t know, to be quite honest. We haven’t spoken much and I barely see him. He leaves early in the morning...comes home late at night…” Peter nods as if he was a therapist listening to a client. “I don’t want to assume the worst but he’s making it rather difficult.”

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, because it isn’t really my business, but…” He comps down on the ice cube. “I was coming home from a mission a few nights ago and I saw him with a girl. I’m not quite sure what they were doing but it sure as hell didn’t look platonic.”

Y/N felt her entire world shatter into her lap. “What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. She was really short with long black hair and a skimpy cocktail dress. They were walking into that club off of Coventry Street. I almost beat the fuck out of him right then and there, but there were bouncers.”

Y/N bit her trembling lip and folded her hands in her lap. Rifling through her purse, she slammed the gift card down and stood.

“Thanks for the lunch date, Peter, but I don’t feel well. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Was it something I said?!” Peter yelled at Y/N’s retreating back as she left the bar.

“Are you going somewhere?” Sirius asked, gesturing to Y/N’s packed suitcases by the door.

“Yup, I’m going to France for a week to aid burn victims,” Y/N finished brushing her teeth before packing her toothbrush. “Didn’t think you’d care.”

“Well, I do. You could have told me.” He leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms.

“I would have if I actually saw you.” Y/N wasn’t in the mood to argue; she had about an hour before she had to leave, and she planned on using that time to relax with a cup of herbal tea.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You see me plenty.”

“Yeah, when you’re sleeping or showering. There’s not exactly time to chat when you leave early in the morning and come home well past midnight.” Y/N walked into the kitchen and cut a slice of bread. “Oh, by the way, Caspar brought up some sourdough, if you actually want any.”

“Don’t change the subject like you always do, Y/N. I work hard to support us, you know that.”

“I work hard too. And I get home before 11 every night. I’m not exactly sure how being a healer gets you home earlier than a tattoo artist, but whatever.” Y/N buttered her now toasted sourdough.

“Sometimes a piece takes a long time, that’s not my fault! I’ve been getting big jobs recently! You should be happy for me!”

Y/N let out a harsh laugh as she poured water into the kettle. “Do you really think I’m that fucking stupid, Sirius? Really?”

“What do you mean? I think you’re rather smart.” Sirius followed Y/N into the kitchen and was leaning against the counter.

“Yeah? Then why have you been lying to me for the past, I don’t know, two months?”

“You can’t keep accusing me of things, Y/N. It’s not fucking fair!” Sirius stared holes into Y/N’s back. “For fucks sake! Look at me when I talk to you!”

Y/N whipped around, her hair fanning around her face as she spun. “You know what’s not fucking fair? Letting a girl feel you upright in front of me. Lying about going into work. Forgetting my birthday and coming home from who knows where drunk as fuck with lipstick smeared all over your neck. Coming home drenched in another girl’s perfume. Taking your fucking side chick to a strip bar while I’m sat at home wondering if you’re fucking dead because we’re in the middle of a fucking war! You don’t know the first thing about fucking unfair!”

“You’re not going to France, Y/N.” His jaw was clenched and his eyes held nothing but fire. The tone of his voice was like nothing she had ever heard before, at least not directed at her. He usually reserved it for people who yelled nasty things at her from the street, or when someone bad mouthed James. It felt foreign to hear him use it with her. Maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. “You’re not fucking going, and that’s final.”

“What are you? My fucking mother? I’m going because I’m actually doing something good for the world, unlike your cheating ass.” Y/N pushed her way past her boyfriend and towards her luggage.

“Don’t walk away from me!” Sirius followed her strides. He stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. “Y/N, darling, we need to talk about this-” His tone was notably softer than before as if he was trying to glue together shards of glass.

“Talk about what, Sirius?! How you cheated on me and won’t even deny it? How you betrayed me in the worst way fucking possible? I’m not going to let you manipulate me into putting my career on the line to work out some issue you caused.”

“What, so now I’m not important? You’re a fucking hypocrite!”

“And how exactly am I a hypocrite, Sirius? You treat me like shit and whine that I’m done putting up with it? Gonna go cry to James about how you are so upset I wouldn’t hear you out after you cheat on me? Well, go the fuck ahead because James actually has a healthy relationship with a baby on the way. He won’t sympathize with you.” Y/N grabbed the handle of her suitcase and lifted her wand. “I’ll be back in a week and once we’ve had some time to cool off, we’ll talk about this like adults. I’ll see you soon.”

Just as Y/N apperated out of the room, the kettle whistled and Sirius noticed Y/N left her half-eaten toast on the counter.

It was near two in the morning when Y/N returned home from France the following week. The home was cold, dark, and vacant, and the entire appearance of the small flat had changed. In a week, Sirius had managed to completely trash the house. Even the smell of freshly baked goods was replaced with the sour smell of firewhisky and sex.

Y/N ventured into the kitchen first, where she observed the large stack of dishes in the sink. Everything from to-go packages to their fine china (normal glass plates from the thrift) were stacked as high as the eye can see. Some were starting to mold and produce the most horrid smell. The stove housed the kettle where Y/N had left it, but this time it was cold and empty. Another pot that contained crusty spaghetti sat next to the kettle, and Y/N cringed at the thought of scrapping it out. She moved to the counter where her toast, now stale, sat. Y/N picked it up between two fingers and threw it into the bin.

She carried on into the living room next. The couch cushions were tossed about the room and the small fur throw was draped across the back of the couch. The record player in the corner still held the Fleetwood Mac record Moony had chosen on her birthday as if it were a time capsule; Y/N couldn't help but reminisce about how happy she was with her friends that evening. Maybe that proved that she could be happy without Sirius in her life, or maybe it served as a constant reminder that he was woven into every aspect of it.

Again, the room was covered with food wrappers and alcohol bottles. Y/N feared the liquid that remained in the bottles would leak and stain the carpet, so before moving on to the bedroom, she set each one upright.

The bedroom was what Y/N feared the most; without her presence in the home, Sirius could have been intimate with an infinite amount of girls in her own bed. She shivered at the thought but pushed on and reached towards the icy doorknob.

The room was the cleanest out of the entire flat, just various clothes scattered around the floor and a messy bed. Y/N wanted nothing more but to curl up under her warm covers and press her face into the chest of the man she loved most, but that was an impossible task. He didn’t love her anymore and that was something she had to deal with, she just wished she had savored the last time he held her.

As Y/N explored further into the room, her feet found an article of clothing that neither Sirius nor Y/N owned. Bending at the hips to pick it up, Y/N held a red, lacy v neck bra in between her fingertips. Y/N fingered the material with teary eyes. Another step forward and her feet came into contact with the matching bottoms. Y/N laid the set out neatly on the bed and wallowed; it must have looked stunning on her.

Y/N walked to the desk, where an ink well was left open and a half-written letter laid face up on the surface. She capped the ink with a wet chuckle.

“You need to cap your ink, Sirius. If you don’t it’ll dry out. I won’t be there forever to do it for you.” Y/N said aloud, wiping her running nose. She picked up the letter against her better judgment and began to read.

Prongs,

I know you’re mad at me, but please just hear me out. Vanessa is gorgeous, mate. She’s sweet and nice, but at the same time she's so witty and smart-mouthed. She even listens to Queen and the Weird Sisters!

She made me believe in love at first sight, JP.

I’m going to marry her one day, mark my words!

The ink began to run as Y/N read and cried, making small blotches of black contrast against the stark white paper. Y/N placed it onto the table and gripped the edge to steady herself. Never in her 21 years on earth had she ever felt such pain, such sorrow. Her pains were usually cushioned by Sirius’ arms and sweet slurred language in the middle of the night, or by her friends’ loud cackles. But this time, this time was different; she was alone, completely and utterly alone.

Y/N looked to the wall in order to ground herself; a small sliver of silver moonlight slashed against the wall, illuminating the otherwise dark room. Y/N traced the line with her eyes until she landed on the wooden coo-coo clock.

The clock was one of Sirius’ most prized possessions; it was a gift from his Uncle Alphard that he received when he ran away from the Black family. Alphard was one of the few Sirius still kept in contact with, and he was a big role model to Sirius when he grew up. Debatably, Alphard was the one who taught Sirius how to be a man.

The present seemed lame on the surface, but that clock was one of Sirius’ favorite things when he was a child. Sirius had told stories of the long afternoons he would spend in front of the clock, waiting for the small, yellow bird to pop out of the top while Walburga and Orion fought in the background. Y/N respected Alphard with all of her being, but she wanted nothing more than to smash that godforsaken clock. She wanted to destroy everything that made Sirius happy, she wanted him to be under the same pain he was putting her through.

Y/N knew what she had to do at that very moment: she had to get out of London and move far, far away. So far away that no one would ever find her. So, she grabbed the extra suitcases in the flat and began to pack her things.

Starting at the record corner, she picked every single one of her belongings and shoved them into her suitcase. Y/N had to shrink a few of her belongings, such as the couch, in order to fit, but in a little less than an hour, every hint of Y/N was packed away in three large suitcases.

Y/N gave one last look at the apartment before apparating to Paris, where she knew she could start a better, more meaningful life. Maybe, she could even find a fresh bakery to supply her with warm loaves of sourdough bread.

When Sirius returned to the flat the following morning, the only remaining aspects of Y/N were a striped scarf and two galleons folded neatly on the bed next to Vanessa’s lingerie.

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spacegirlinorbit · 4 years

Text

Fooling You? Series

Fooling You? Chapter 5: Leave it up to boys to ruin plans

Warnings: swearing

Taglist: @treestarrrrrrrr

Fooling You Masterlist

(All rights to HP universe belong to JK Rowling)

Song:

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Chapter 5: Leave it up to boys to ruin plans

I woke up early this morning after having such a vivid dream I can barely remember now. I looked at my clock on my nightstand saying it was only 7 am. Lily said we are going to leave at 9 so I still had about an hour or so until I needed to get ready. So I quietly tried not to disturb the others as I went to the bathroom and got ready and change into some leggings I had grabbed from the chest and then grabbed a hoodie as well. I slipped them on along with some shoes and left the room. I made sure to grab my wand on the way out and had it sit in my hoodie pocket.

I made my way down the stairs and there was only a couple people in the commons and the head boy and girl of the school posting something on the board wall.

“Goodmorning! y/n isn't?” The head girl, Michelle, I believe is what her name is asks.

“Yes, Goodmorning.”

“Ah, how are you adjusting?”

“Fine. Say is breakfast ready yet?”

“Oh yes. You know how to get to the Great hall?” She asks and I nod with a smile and bid her goodbye.

I make my way out of the common rooms and towards the ever changing staircases. Once I missed my stop a couple times I finally hop off and make my way to the Great Hall feeling more hungry than before. I see that there is food spread about the tables like crackers and cheese, fruits, and various breads.

The plates and cups are all aligned for every student who may come in. Since school doesn't start for another few days, it's pretty scarce in here. I do however notice that a student wearing a red unlined robe sits at the far right table so I make my way over there and take a seat randomly and away from anyone else. I help myself to some grapes, banana, and a buttered croissant. I reach for a cup and it automatically fills orange juice.

God, I’m going to miss coffee. Maybe I could buy some in Hogsmeade.

I enjoy my breakfast thinking quietly to myself until someone sits across from me. She is an older woman, a professor I assume. She smiles sweetly at me and I try to return the smile back without looking confused.

“Good Morning. I wanted to personally introduce myself, I am Professor Mcgonagall of Transfiguration and head professor of the gryffindor house. Also the deputy headmistress of Hogwarts.” She explains herself.

“Wow, quite the title you have. They should just call you queen.” I joke to lighten the mood. Is this normal? Since when did teachers make time for students?

“Oh you flatter me dear. I just wanted to let you know that if you need anything especially personal if you feel uncomfortable going to Dumbledore about it, I am here for you. I unfortunately couldn’t meet with you yesterday, but I at least wanted to make my acquaintance known.”

“Of course. Thank you Professor Mcgonagall.”

“Right, well I’ll excuse myself now. Welcome to Hogwarts.” She smiles and I can truly smile back as she leaves.

I see more students enter the Great Hall and I finish my OJ and banana and leave the Great Hall to avoid further interaction from anyone who might want to question who the new girl is. I slip out of the Great hall and take my time walking back to the tower taking the long way instead of those confusing staircases. After leaving the Great Hall I reach the viaduct and take a moment looking at the view and breathing in the morning air. I see a couple of owls pass by in the sky most likely delivering letters. I exit the viaduct and back into the school building but now I am faced with two ways to go.

Left or Right? Shit I should've taken the map and there’s someone coming so I can’t use apparition that will look suspicious. I could summon the map.

“Are you lost?” I hear someone say pulling me from my thoughts. I look up and I see him. Sharp jawline, star like eyes, and cherry lips against his pale skin. Damn he looks fresh out of a portrait.

I stumble on my words until I finally breathe out, “Yes.”

He looks me over curiously and then takes a cautious step forward. I remain still, entranced by how handsome he is. “Where do you need to go?”

“Gryffindor tower.” I could've sworn in that moment I heard him mumble ‘shame’. Shame indeed. Shit what am I thinking?! I don’t even know his name.

“You are going to take a left through there and cross the stone bridge and then head straight and the tower is at the end.” He explains as he extends his arm and the flex of his bicep tighten the loose black button up he has on. I try to breathe as he looks back at me.

“Thank you um…”

“Regulus. Regulus Black.” He says with an air about him that makes him stand tall.

“Thank you Regulus.”

“Of course, but it’s only fair if in return I get to learn your name.” He says with a smirk.

“Y/n. Y/n Y/l/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you, y/n.”

“You as well.” and we part ways. I pinch my cheeks to defuse the blush, but I think I only made it worse. I finally get back to the gryffindor tower and head to the room. I walk in the room and it is a mess and the girls are yelling amongst themselves.

“What’s going on?” I question shutting the door.

“Oh thank merlin, where were you?”

“I went out for some breakfast and then I got lost.” I explain by leaving out some details.

“Oh, see, I knew we should have gone out and looked for her.” Marlene says.

“And we were just about to if you didn’t just show up just now.” Lily explains.

“It’s okay really. I need to get familiar anyways since I'll be here for a while, right.” I state back to them.

“Right then, well it’s almost 9 so let's get dressed and head to Hogsmeade.” Lily says. I make my way over to the closet and pull out a black turtleneck shirt and some sneakers along with a jean skirt and cropped jean jacket. I get dressed and put my hair in a ponytail and added some chapstick to my lips knowing they were going to get chapped in this weather boarderlining winter. I pulled my mother's necklace from my nightstand drawer and clipped it on. Then grabbed my cross body bag. The others dressed similarly for the weather. A mix of fall and winter.

Enter Hogsmeade

Once we entered the village, the shops filled with some people passing through making their way from shop to shop. Hogsmeade was a homely village, with pointed top cottages and shops of variety. I can smell something sweet and spicy in the air, it must be the drink everyone has in hand coming out of a place called Madam Puddifoots’ Tea Shop. I hear laughter coming from another end of the street where we walk at another shop called Zonko's Joke Shop.

“Say Lily won’t you take her to the quill and cauldron shop, maybe Dervish and Banges. Me and Dorcas will head to Gladrags and then meet you guys at Honeydukes.” Marlene says as she shares her idea.

“Why Honeydukes?” Lily questions.

“Because she must try butterbeer and I’m starving.” Marlene groans.

“Here since you’re getting the outfits.” I say pulling out some galleons in a small coin sack. They all look at me incredulously.

“Well, you didn’t tell us you were loaded.” Marlene exclaims at the bag of gold.

“I’m not, really.” I say shaking my head. I used mainly american dollars in the U.S. and sometimes wizarding money, but it was easier to transfer american money so that my relation to Grindelwald wasn’t known.

“Darling, it’s okay. I’m paying for everyone’s clothes today. My treat for bursting in yesterday.”

“You mean all summer.” Lily mumbles.

“You can say that again.” Dorcas remarks.

“Har Har, Lily fire and I’m hurt D. Spicy this morning aren’t we?” Marlene says sarcastically.

“Just go!” Lily says and pushes Marlene away. Meanwhile Lily takes me to the quill shop where I can get more ink and paper. I also grab some envelopes hoping Lily doesn’t see it as I purchase them quickly. Then we stop at Ceridwen's Cauldron, where I buy a small silver cauldron and then we make our way to the herbology shop where I gather fluxweed, dittany (that I could easily use as an aphrodisiac), ginger, and valerian. However I couldn’t find moly, a special flower that can allow my body to counteract any enchantments used on me.

I go up to the counter and purchase my items and ask the lady who is packaging my items,”Do you by chance sell Moly?”

She looked up at me slowly and then looked me over curiously. “What do you want with Moly?”

I challenge her stare, “I’ll need it to reverse the effects of the valerian if something goes wrong.”

“Hmm, that you will. Best not put yourself in a deep sleep, deary. However the moly will cost extra.” She states.

“I think I’ll have enough.” I say putting the coin sack of galleons on the counter. She smiles at this and goes to the back to get the package of Moly.

“3 galleons.” She says with an obvious devious smile. I place the coins on the counter and take my bag of herbs and leave the shop as Lily follows behind saying goodbye to the lady.

“Everything okay back there?” Lily asks.

“Yeah. I got everything I need. Should we head to Honeydukes was it?”

“Yes, let’s go.” Lily connects our arms together as we walk the streets to get to a place called Honeydukes. Lily and I are laughing and talking about the shops and the people in the village and what we think they are up to. She stops abruptly and lets go of my arm. I look towards her confusingly.

“Lily?” I ask trying to see what she’s looking at.

She turns around abruptly and smiles at me, “I saw a friend in there that I haven’t seen for a while. Do you mind if I go say hi?”

“No not all. I saw the post office two shops back, I think it’s high time I write a letter to my friends in America.”

“Great. I’ll come find you then, I shouldn’t be long.” She says and rushes into what seems like a pub called, Three Broomsticks Inn.

Marauders 3rd POV

Lily rushes into the pub and quickly and furiously makes her way over to the four boys who all have their heads down knowing what’s coming towards them.

“WHAT THE HELL are you guys doing here?” She seathed.

“Lily darling, what a lovely surprise!” James grimaced trying to ease the fire in her.

“Shut it James!” Lily snaps. “Black what the hell, we told you we could handle ourselves.”

“Aww Lily don’t be like that. We are just here in case.” He whined.

“Look and listen carefully to the words coming out of my mouth. We are fine. They won’t dare come here. Diagon Alley, for sure, but here never. It’s too crowded with students and teachers from Hogwarts that we would be able to sniff them out. Go! NOW. We are fine and everything is well.”

“Sirius I think we should go.” Remus pipes in and Peter nods in agreement.

“Right, where is this new bestie of yours?” Sirius pried.

“She’s at the post office. Said something about writing a letter to her friends in America.”

“Oh you can’t be this dull.” Sirius says. Lily gasps in shock and her anger intensifies.

“Padfoot.” James states.

“Here we go.” Remus says and takes a sip of his tea.

“What did you just say about me?” Lily presses her hands down on the table leaning towards Sirius.

“What if she is writing a letter to well you know or maybe someone in connection.” He explains quickly slightly fearing her wrath.

“You think I didn’t think about that? Dumbledore has someone in there to infiltrate her letters.”

“He does?” James questions.

“Yes, maybe if you boys paid attention in the meetings you would know that we have put in place a way to intercept any communication she has. Even the letters.”

“Well damn.” Sirius mutters.

“Go back to the school boys. The party isn’t going to plan itself.”

“Will do, mlady.” James says with a big smile on his face and adoration in his eyes.

“Fuck off, Potter.” She says and walks away from the boys, hiding the small smile on her lips.

Y/n POV

I go into the post office and head to the counter. A man sits there stamping off envelopes and a woman on the other end is helping someone else out. I also see some elves attending to the mail and owls in their cages. I walk over to the small island made for people to write off their letters. I pull out a paper and ink with my wand but disguise it with a spell to make it look like a quill.

I write out my letter to look like it was ordinary and directed to my friends back in America. Then I look around to make sure no one sees and blow across the paper with blue fire and I quickly whisper what I want to really say as the paper fills with my words and disappears. I sign it and envelope it to an address that is in America, but will be rerouted to Austria once it goes to transport and the real address will reveal itself. Grindelwald taught me this secret way of communication when I left for america. Taught how to use the blue fire to conceal the truth of things you want hidden. It's undetectable but takes skill and focus. I have been doing it so long it comes easy to me now, yet if anyone knew I would be suspected for dark magic. I put the letter in the post box outside so I won’t have to explain the faraway address.

“Did you get to write your letter?” Lily says as she approaches me.

“Yes. I only hope it gets to them safely.” I smile and we take off to honeydukes.

By the time we get to Honeydukes, it's noon and Marlene gushes to us all the clothes and accessories she bought and how great we are going to look tonight at the party. We all ordered lunch and I got to try butterbeer for the first time. It's like butterscotch candy mostly, its sweet deliciousness coats my tongue and I order another once I'm done. I wonder what kind of treats the party will hold tonight. Maybe I’ll finally meet “the boys” and see the one I ran into this morning.

#young sirius black x reader #fooling you? sirius black fanfic #marauders au #marauders x reader #dumbledore x grindelwald #sirius black #sirius x reader fanfic

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cutmyhairabovemyjaw · 5 years

Text

Heaven and Hell Bound - Tommy Shelby ~ Part 5

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Hi Guys. Thank you so much for the love and comments, they truly brighten my day. During this part I decided to include some reference pictures of how I envision the clothing during certain scenes in this chapter. Let me know how you feel about these and if you’d like to see more or less of them.

After this part there will be one more chapter set during the war before we move into Birmingham which will loosely follow Season 1 of the show. I’ve been thinking of trying out requests for one-shots with different characters from the show and others. Let me know if you’d be interested in that :) Hope you enjoy reading part 5 and again, any feedback is most welcome. <3 <3.

Tags:

@namelesslosers

Part 5 - The Dance

Y/N’s POV

It had been a month since Tommy was brought to the hospital, a month since I heard his screams, a month since I felt his kiss. And there had not been a single night in which my head was not stormed by thoughts of him. I craved his touch, his smile, his caress. I had written him quickly, just as he had asked. We talked of the mundane, of the gruesome, of the merry. My diary was now filled with sketches he’d drawn and photos he’d sent. Most recently, however, he had requested that I send through one of my nurses ribbons. I was puzzled as to why he would wish for something as plain and simple as this.

“My dearest Y/N,

Please forgive my selfishness as, yet again, I ask for a piece of you. Whilst your photo sits forever in my pocket, I must find some rare time to pause and peacefully admire it. I noticed on my last hospital visit that all the nurses wear white ribbons somewhere on their person. I have had the pleasure of seeing you wear it in your hair and around your delicate wrist. I ask because many soldiers whose lovers volunteer as nurses, tie this ribbon in with the shoelaces on their boots. The idea is that as we soldiers look down at our feet and into the hell we may soon occupy, an angel stops us on our way. Perhaps you are not my lover yet but you are my angel. The Christmas Ball ever approaches. I believe the invitations shall arrive within the next week. I look forward to seeing you there. If you get invited that is. Perhaps the goblin matron of yours wants you all to herself.

Sincerely,

Your Tommy.”

His angel. That’s what he called me. I still believe that my eyes were deceiving me as I read and continued to re-read those words. I sent one away at once. If I could supply any hope or relief in his darkest times, I would gladly do so. Anything to see that stupid perfect smile of his. He was right about the invitations. In fact they arrived the following morning. And when they did, we all got very excited, perhaps Rosaline a little too much.

We sat upon our hill, the freshly delivered mail buzzing in our hands. The air seemed sweeter and the sun brighter as everyone in the hospital radiated excitement as the beautiful red envelopes graced the grey and brown hospital. It seems this year the higher ups have decided to use the annual Christmas ceasefire to up morale. It was nice to see some smiles around here. “You ready?” Ro asks me, her smile wider than before, if that were even possible. I look to her and nod, my eyes wide and ready. Ro tears into the envelope, erratically pulling and tearing, turning the once solid paper into confetti shreds. I laugh before carefully peeling the seal back, trying to preserve the item as best I can, knowing I will want it in it’s best condition for my diary. We simultaneously pull out the letter and read the message.

“Dear service Men and Women,

It is with great pleasure that we invite you to the 1916 Allied Christmas Ball. As a reward for bravely fighting for your king you will enjoy a night of dancing, singing and drinking followed by the second day of the two-day cease fire. Provisions have been provided by the Crown and the public. Formal uniform is expected.

God Save The King.”

I jump as from beside me I hear Ro let out a loud holler of joy and enthusiasm. I laugh and join her as we cheer into the sky. “You know what this means Y/N?” She leans forward, eyes wild. “Oh boy” I say in preparation for her explosion of joy, knowing what is to come next. “Dress up time!” We hoot and holler once more, taking full advantage of this moment. We burst into laughter. Whilst I had grown up on rural farm land with little time for glitz and glam, Rosaline was born into a family which lay on the wealthier side of things. Whilst she rebelled against many aspects of it, she was infatuated with fashion and beauty. One of our many post-war dreams was to attend the most extravagant regal event and cause havoc whilst donning dazzlingly expensive gowns. Whilst this wasn’t exactly that, Ro would make it work. “I’m going to give Tommy the most beautiful date of them all!” She declares, like a Queen to her kingdom. I laugh, the alien feeling of my cheeks hurting from smiling returning for the first time since the war began. She pulls me to my feet and begins to twirl me around, a horrible version of ballroom dancing does ensue. “You two will dance into the night, twirling, giggling, and drinking the whole way through. Before he finally seals the night with true-love's kiss” She puckers her lips out comically. I smash by hand against her mouth and she slobbers on my palm. “ Oh Jesus Ro gross.” I wipe my spit covered hand against my apron. “And then,” she continues, my anxieties growing, fearing what words may following next, “He fucks you well into the night as you howl his name down-” This time I firmly plant my hand over her lips, silencing her ridiculous statement. “Shut the fuck up Ro” I shout-whisper to her, my eyes wide and a blush rampant on my cheeks. I remove my hand, letting out the wild laughter Rosaline had produced. I sigh, shaking my head in shame trying to ignore all of the horrified looks the other nurses were giving us. I let out a small chuckle. “You’re ridiculous you know. Completely and utterly ridiculous.” I say, every word I utter is followed by a small jab to her stomach with my finger, using her ticklish nature to my advantage. “Ok! Ok! I’m sorry,” she surrenders to my actions, “It’s true though”. I simply shake my head once more. Of course I’d had my fair share of intimate thoughts of Tommy, but it was nothing more than a fantasy. Perhaps he shared these thoughts. Perhaps he wished to enact them. Fuck what am I thinking. He might not even dance with me… I hope he does. “Well come on Y/N. We’ve only got a week to prepare so let’s go!” She pulls me out of my train of thought both with her words and her hand which now drags me towards the hospital tent. I still have not decided upon how I feel about the Christmas Ball. Part of me dreads it with my whole existence whilst the other has never been more excited about anything.

The first day of the cease fire had dawned. The peace was unfamiliar, almost unsettling as opposed to the normalised violence of every other day. And with it, the cease fire brought the dreaded Christmas Ball. The nurses gossiped amongst themselves, sharing around what little makeup and products they had managed to keep. Practically every second word that were freed from Rosaline’s brain had something to do with the ball or the dressing up. I was happy for her. She deserved to be happy and play fashion, not to encounter death and sadness on the daily.

Rosaline had already gotten herself ready. She radiated perfect beauty as her red lipstick and black mascara accentuated her doe-eyed complexion. Her ginger hair flowing by her waist as opposed to the tight bun it normally found itself in. As we stood in front of her small mirror, the juxtaposition of complete beauty and myself was accentuated. I wallowed in my gloomy insecurity, looking down to avoid the striking gaze of the mirror. How was I supposed to compare to someone like Ro. How was I supposed to impress someone like Tommy. I felt two small warm hands guide me out of the depths of my brain as Rosaline now held my face. “Y/N listen to me hey? Just listen. When you guys first saw each other you stood still, blown away by each others beauty. And guess what you both looked like? You were in your uniform, you were sweaty and covered in all kinds of gross shit like vomit and blood. And Tommy? He’d just dragged John out of a tunnel so he was covered in bloody dirt and muck and was the most dishevelled we’ll probably ever see him. You guys fell in love while kinda looking like shit.” We laugh, I begin to understand what she’s saying. She continues on, smiling proud, knowing she’d won me over, “He’s going to think you’re absolutely beautiful, ok? Hell everyone’s going to think that. We’ll walk into that ball, arms locked together and stun them into silence. Perhaps a few may even cry,” she proclaims rather melodramatically. I smile, rolling my eyes at her antics. I turn to hug her, grateful for her love. She sits me down in a nearby chair. “Now come on, we’ll miss the bloody thing if we take much longer.” Perhaps he will find me beautiful.

Tommy’s POV

I stand in front of the dirty, sorry excuse we have for a mirror, fiddling with my tie and the buckles on my sleeves. I try, to no avail, to slick my hair back, push it to the side, I try everything to make it decent. Frustration fills me as I wipe my hands down my face. “Fucking fuck it” I exhale. What is she gonna think of the bloody mess that I am. I slam my hat down onto my head, sitting on my bunk to begin to tie my boots. That’s when I see it once more. Y/N’s ribbon. I take it gently between my fingers, closing my eyes and remembering her. I shall not ruin a night that could be filled with her smile, her touch, her eyes, with my silly insecurities. I hear the tent flap bustling as it is pushed open. I look up to see Arthur and John, dressed in the same garb as myself. “Tommy, they are uh, they’ve given the order to start heading off” he says kindly, holding his cap, fidgeting with his fingers. I blink slowly, nodding whilst looking to the ground. I wave one hand, gesturing to them that I’ll catch up. They look to each other, reading the worry written on my face. John moves to sit next to me putting his hand on my shoulder. “Tommy,” he says, the toothpick bouncing between his teeth and lips, “look mate, everything’s gonna be fine. You look fucking ugly as normal.” He laughs, I shoved his shoulder. “Come on now John Boy, tell him the truth” Arthur smiles at his younger brothers. “You look great Tom and she’s gonna look beautiful. So if you don’t get your sorry ass out there, every other fucking guy’s gonna dance with her. And we can’t have that now can we now Arthur”, “No John, course we can’t have that. Plus,” Arthur continues, a smugness tugging at his tongue, “What use would we have for this otherwise?” He pulls out a flask, whiskey no doubt dancing in the bottle. “Now come on, drink up, the Shelby brothers have got some work to do” he proclaims. I stand and laugh. I’d spent the last week dreaming of how this night will go. How’d she look. How’d we dance, drink and smoke. Perhaps even get close. Oh Y/N, what are you doing to me.

Y/N’s POV

An hour later we stand in front of the mirror once more, this time, surprisingly happy thoughts made their way through my mind. Our formal attire projected elegance as our normal uniform paled in comparison. It was clean, shapely, and flattering. Whilst the veil was slightly uncomfortable I had a plan for that. Once everyone had gotten drunk of booze and dancing, no one would pay any mind to a missing veil or two. Rosaline had given me very similar makeup to hers, carving stark black lines around my eyes, and a scarlet scenery to the hills and crests of my lips. If the notion of the fighting starting up again in two days was not present, perhaps truly good fun could be had, and true happiness could be felt. I stop myself from dwelling on this, everyday could be our last, and if my last involves dancing and Tommy that’s fine by me. “Ladies start filling through to the tent please!” Rosaline and I turn to the source of the noise, a high ranking soldier gives the order. A wave of cheering pours out from the nurses. A smile breaks onto my face. “Well come on then slow poke!” Ro runs forward, dragging me by my hand. “Wait wait wait! I have something for Tommy.” I run back, reaching into my diary, pulling out the small origami horse I had made for him. Quickly, I place it in my pocket before Rosaline’s beady eyes could ask any questions. “Ok. Let’s do this”. We loop our arms together. Our heads high. Stepping in time. We will take on the world, or at least the dance floor.

(Y/N’s POV on left, Tommy’s bumped to the right)

I finally catch a glimpse of the massive white tent which would soon house many a drunkard soldier and stumbling nurse. It seems they collected every light source from every bunk as the scene was set alight with beautiful bulbs and strings. It reminded me of one of those fancy christmas trees I would ogle at in shop windows. The music filled my ears, as did the tapping of shoes, and harmonized singing. A makeshift bar had been set up, tables and chairs too. My heart swells with excitement as Ro and I beam with joy. I hadn’t spotted Tommy yet, and it may yet be a task to do so as more and more people crowd in.

“Oi Oi!” Arthur yells as we enter the large tent. “It’s a fucking riot in here ain’t it” John speaks, before spitting on the floor. I watch as the dancing erupts onto the floor, amused by the singing antics of the already drunk. “Look at some of the birds in here mate. You’d have to pay a pretty penny to get with one of them back in Small Heath.” Arthur drools over the women, the party letting out the beast in some of them. “Well boys,” I begin, lighting my cigarette, “Go get drunk, get into as many fights as you can and go for any woman you like. Just not mine.” John whoops and claps, “Thatta Boy Tommy. Now John Boy, we’ve got some work to do.” They walk off, leaving me to myself.

“This is amazing Y/N! Have you seen some of the blokes in here?” Rosaline exclaims to me. Turns out her lover Edward hadn’t died, rather he’d being fucking their resident nurse over there. Nothing motivates Rosaline quite like revenge with a side of free drink. “Go have fun Ro. You deserve it.” I spur her on, knowing she ached for some fun and freedom. “You sure you’ll be ok?” I nod in response. “Now go you bloody minx, go!” I push her towards the group of dancing soldiers. I laugh and make my way to the bar. Besides I had a mission of my own.

Find Tommy.

Find Y/N. That’s what I had to do. I walk through the dance floor, noticing her friend Rosaline tearing up a storm. Yet my Y/N was not with her. Come on Y/N. I kept walking making my way to the rudimentary bar. Please be there.

I sat at the bar, not yet finding Thomas. Perhaps he’d been dancing. I smile at the thought. The night had only begun, I mustn't worry now. I begin to make my way over to the dancing circle. Come on Tommy, where are you?

3rd Person POV

Little did they know at this point that they had both been looking for each other.

Little did they know they were headed straight for one another.

In a parting of the crowds filled with dancing drunks, they saw each other.

Their eyes meeting, just as they had that fateful first day.

He looked unbelievably handsome.

She was breathtakingly beautiful.

They swam in each other’s eyes.

Silence filled their ears.

They peered each other up and down, taking in their elegant costume.

Neither of their feet moved.

For all one knows their hearts were beating too fast, or perhaps not beating at all.

Instead she waved.

A small flick of the fingers and a smile.

He laughs and returns the gesture.

As they walk to each other, the same thought plagues their minds.

Maybe tonight I’ll tell him.

Maybe tonight I’ll tell her.

Y/N’s POV.

We now stand face to face, awe spread across my cheeks. He looks at me with the biggest smile I’ve seen painting his profile. “Hello Sergeant Major Thomas Shelby”, I courtesy, deciding to play into this royal fantasy that our outfits created. “Why, you look ravishing Sister Y/N L/N”, he bows, taking one of my hands and places a gentle kiss on it. “Fuck off Tom”, we both laugh, he extends his arm for me to take hold of. I gladly do so. We wander together this time to the bar, taking a seat on the crates that had been scrounged together. “Two Whiskeys please” Tommy orders, leaning his elbow on the table. “So, I see that Rosaline is quite the dancer.” We look out, watching her as she flows from soldier to soldier, her skirt twirling and her hair flowing. “Oh yeah. I feel bad for any other girl that even attempts to get on that dance floor.” I respond, proud of my best friend and she wraps all those boys around her finger. “And what about you Y/N, do you dance?” he asks, grabbing his glass of now delivered whiskey as I do the same. I leaned forward and new wave of air taking over me, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He smirks, playfully scoffing. “Well then,” He downs his whole glass, slamming it on the table before standing up, offering a hand to me. I following his actions, chugging my drink before hammering my glass down, taking his hand. “Let’s put you to the test then hey?”

We danced and danced and danced. We danced wildly, we danced passionately, we danced carefully. My head was now rested upon his shoulder as we swayed in each other’s arms. Our eyes rest closed, not a care in the world. I feel the vibrations in his chest as he hums along to the music. The party had well and truly died down. People had either gone back to their bunks, had collapsed on the floor or were savouring the last dance. Over the course of the night I had met Arthur and John, they were bruised and bleeding after just getting out of a fight of course, I’d drank way too much and blisters covered my feet from dancing. But I didn’t care. It was a perfect evening with Tommy. He called me beautiful, he’d kissed my cheek. I wonder if my face was now stained red, a blush had become a regular to cross my face. I looked up to admire him, his eyes still calm and closed. I had utterly and completely fallen for Thomas Shelby. But this thought brought more sadness with it than I anticipated. Tommy was a soldier, everyday could be his last. If he makes it home we live in different towns. We had completely foreign lives back in England. I worry that the intensity of the war had amplified our feelings, meaning outside of the fighting, there would be none. I fear I care for him more than he cares for me. I squeeze him tight, not ever wanting to let go. He opens his eyes and squeezes back, looking down to me worried. “You ok pretty girl?” He asks letting go of my hand and waist and instead, places his hands on my cheeks. I meet his blue-sky eyes and sigh into his touch, resting my hand on top of his. “I’m ok, just worrying about silly future stuff.” He laughs, “Silly future stuff hey? Don’t worry about that hey, just enjoy right now. That’s what they teach you down in the tunnels. Think about living now, in this very minute, the soldier’s minute. Just you and me hey?” I nodded timidly, his beauty still making me shy. We dance for a few moments more, savouring every touch and every look.

“Y/N?” I hear Rosaline call from behind me, a slight slur to her words. I turn to see her and a soldier practically holding each other up. “Me and this Noah here are heading back to our bunk. So uh...you might wanna find somewhere else to sleep…” They giggle amongst themselves. I roll my eyes, both happy she’s having fun, but not so happy about sleeping someplace else. “Play nice Rosaline. Now go on, have fun,” they cheer and smile to each other before turning around and stumbling out. “And no fun on my bunk!” I add. “No promises!” She yells back. “Cheeky fucker” I whisper to Tom. He laughs in response. “So where will you go now?” he asks, concern lacing his voice. “Well I suppose one of the hospital bunks will probably be free…” I kick my feet against the ground, realising how uncomfortable it will be. “I uh, I might have a solution,” he begins, scratching the back of his head, “John and Arthur have both gone back to their girl’s rooms, therefore...Why not stay with me?” My eyes fly up to meet his, “Really!” He laughs at my excitement. “I-i mean if that’s ok with you. I don’t want to intrude”, I stammer on, embarrassed by my reaction. He leans his forehead on to mine, “Y/N?” I hum in response, “Shut up” he jests. I laugh trying to brush away awkwardness. “Now come on, before any other drunk offers you their bunk.”

We walk hand in hand, enjoying the silence all the way back to his bunk. As I enter the space I take in my surroundings. I notice the 3 small bunks, one for each brother. I watch Tommy sit on the furthest bunk and begin to take his boots off. I walk over to join him, analysing what trinkets lay on his table. I try to remember everything. A diary, papers, cigarettes and matches, a knife and photographs, many many photographs. I flick through them, observing a younger Tommy surrounded by his family. I attempt to match the names Thomas had given me to the faces in the photos. Ada, Polly, Finn. They looked happy... I hope my present would fit perfectly within the decor of his table. “Tommy,” I begin, turning towards him, my hands clasped behind me to try and hide my nervousness. He was now wearing only his sleep shirt, and his trousers. He meets my eyes but I can’t help but look him up and down. He steps towards me, nodding for me to continue. “I have a Christmas present for you.” His eyes widen, a confused smile tugs on his lips. “A Christmas present?” I nod, now excited. “Sit down and close your eyes” I order, pulling him back to the bed. I sit next to him, waiting for him to do the same. “Now stop looking at me and close your eyes.” He leans forward, still experiencing the waves of alcohol “You’re so pretty tho” he drags out the last syllable. “Tommy close your eyes and put your hands out” He still leans towards me, “Now”. He huffs and finally does so. I gently pull out the origami horse from my pocket, laying it in his hands. I watch his fingers jolt slightly at the feeling. “Ok, now you can open.” His eyes open, yet he sits silently, taking the horse in his fingers, examining it closer.

I can’t read the expression on his face and I begin to worry. “I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid I shouldn’t have-” He cuts me off. But not with his words. With his lips. My eyes stare wide, shocked at the action before I melt into the kiss. It’s perfect. It’s everything Rosaline describes from her romance book. It’s everything my dreams had wished for. After what feels like hours, we pull apart. “Thank you Y/N. I-i I don’t even know what to say.” Thomas speaks quietly, a loving softness to his voice. “You’re welcome Tommy. It’s a thank you for all that you’ve done for me.” He places it upon his desk, admiring it for the moment. “Would you mind if we lay down...together” He asks, his eyes pleading for a yes. I can’t seem to form words at this point. Instead I simply nod. We get comfortable, I removed my shoes and veil before laying beside him. He wraps his arms around me as my head rests upon his chest. “Y/N? Can you promise me something?” I lift my head, noticing the vulnerability wobbling his words. “Anything Tommy”. “Promise me that even after this fighting is done, we will stay together and that we will always find each other. Even if we are separated by a world and a half?” I raise my hand, extending my pinky. “Pinky promise” I say, “Pinky promise”, he returns. Our fingers lock and my heart rests. “Now, come here”, he whispers, tilting my lips to his.

That night would never leave me. For how could one forget something as beautiful as that. We continued late into the night before finally falling asleep, bare in each others arms.

Just before the tidal wave of sleep took over us, one last thing was said.

“I think I’m in love with you Y/N.”

“I think I love you too Tommy.”

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lawandorderforevercsi · 4 years

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Love Desires Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: Miami, Anthony Zuker, and CBS do.

Beta'd by: calleighstorres

It was a beautiful summer day. Natalia and Horatio were relaxing on one of the deck chairs by the poolside. Natalia sighed. At the moment, she and Horatio were at the most romantic all-inclusive Sandals resort in St. George, Grenada, for their honeymoon.

The last ten days explored the island, and what it had to offer: diving, visiting a rum distillery, a tour of the chocolate company, and of a spice plantation. They visited nearby Martinique and enjoyed fish Friday along with listening to steel pan music, which was much more different than what they heard back in Miami. They then visited Fort Matthew made the climb up magnificent views made arduous hike the more worthwhile. They also participated in water and land sports and had a blast doing so. As much as they explored the outside, they also stayed in and explored each other.

Now on their last day, and they were enjoying their last day snuggling and making out. A short time later, Natalia said, "I am going to go for a swim because it could be a while before swimming again."

With that, she got up but not before exchanging another kiss. After she got in the pool, Horatio rested on the deck chair he reminisced back to their wedding.

-Ten days earlier-

It was a sunny day in Santa Monica, their big day had arrived, and they couldn't be more ready. They choose to go small and intimate; it was easier since their jobs were demanding. For the location, Natalia and Horatio would have picked one of the sandy beaches in Miami. Still, because of the kidnappings and deaths, they decided to have it close to where Horatio proposed to her.

Once Calleigh, Maxine, Anya, and Christine made their way down the aisle as the maid of honor and bridesmaids, the Bridal Chorus began to play, and everyone stood up. There appeared his beautiful bride with her parents. She had on an off-the-shoulder ball gown wedding dress that hugged her curvy body like a hug, causing Horatio's heart rate to rise a little and swayed a little. Kyle (who was sharing co-best man duties with Eric) noticed his father's sway a little he leaned in whispered, "Dad, I don't think you would want to faint right as your bride arrives."

Horatio steadied himself and nodded as Natalia reached the altar. Once her father Jeffrey had kissed her, he placed Natalia's into Horatio's, they then joined both hands and became lost in their little world. It wasn't long before the officiant announced, "Now Horatio and Natalia have opted to say their vows. Go ahead, Natalia."

Taking his hands in hers and with mists in her eyes, she began. "Horatio, my handsome Ginger man. I never thought I would never find love again. Then you came and showed me what real love is all about. You loved and treated me like a queen, and with respect, and I will be forever grateful. Horatio, my promise to you is that I will try to be worthy of your love and trust. I promise that I will be honest as well as be kind, patient, and forgiving. But most of all, Horatio, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. I love you."

Horatio brought Natalia's hands up for a kiss and said, "Natalia, I was completely lost after losing someone close to my heart. You came in and have shown that it is possible to love again. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, and I cherish you and respect you. Natalia, I give these things I give to you today for the rest of our life."

Once the final blessing was performed, the officiant said, "Horatio and Natalia have vowed their life and love in front of you all today. Now vested in me in the state of California. I now pronounce husband and wife."

Turning to Horatio, the officiant said, "You may kiss the bride."

Horatio stepped closer and pulled her into a loving kiss. Natalia held him even closer and gave him an equally loving kiss.

The officiant announced, "It's with great honor that I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Horatio Caine!"

The entire wedding guests all stood up and cheered as they made their way down the recessional as husband and wife.

Horatio deep in thought but lost his train of thought when he saw her exiting the pool dripping wet and looking like a million bucks. He got up and met her halfway. Before she had a chance to towel off, he threw her off a little only for him to sweep her up in a sizzling kiss. When they parted lips, she said in an erotic tone, "Hey handsome I'm about to head off the shower, would you like to join me and possibly work on our honeymoon baby?"

Horatio didn't need to be asked a second time. He jumped up and took her in his arms and said, "Let's go, my love."

They soon had a trail of clothing that led to their bathroom.

~10 months after the honeymoon, 2015~

The pregnancy had been smooth, and the delivery was fast. Natalia and she eve decided that she wanted to go without an epidural, which led Horatio to admire her even more. She pushed long and hard, and it wasn't long, and Baby Girl Caine had come into the world screaming loud and clear. Natalia held her for mother to newborn skin to skin contact for a little before letting daddy do the same and Natalia getting the sleep she needed.

They knew that Kyle would be coming soon, the Boa Vistas along with Christine and her family, and Anya would come by after lunch.

As Horatio held his daughter, he relished being able to hold a baby in his arms. He knew that babies grew up so fast, and he was cherishing this moment.

After Horatio had completed his part of the skin to skin contact, he held her in his arms as baby girl Caine slept. Horatio whispered, "My darling daughter, your mama, big brother Kyle and I have been waiting for you. We loved you when we found out you would be coming to us. You have many uncles and aunties who love you and will protect no matter what."

No sooner had Horatio finish talking to his daughter when he heard, "Dad?"

Horatio turned around and saw Kyle with balloons, flowers for Natalia, and a teddy bear for the baby. Putting a finger to his lips and nodded to the side Kyle knew what that meant. Setting down the gifts, he hugged his dad, Kyle asked, "How's Natalia?"

Horatio replied, "It was a long, and she is getting the sleep she deserved. As soon as he had said that when Natalia woke up, "Did I hear someone call my name?"

Kyle walked over and hugged his step-mother, "Hey mom, how are you feeling?"

Natalia was so happy when Kyle began calling her mom. She welcomed him with open arms and knew that he needed the mothering touch that he didn't get with Julia. Natalia said with a tired smile, "Sleepy and sore but otherwise happy."

Kyle saw the pink bundle and asked, "Is that, my little sister?"

Horatio answered, "It is, would you like to hold her?"

Kyle was nervous, but Natalia said reassuringly, "Don't worry, you will be great."

Horatio gently placed his daughter into her big brother's waiting arms, and Kyle asked, "What is her name?"

Horatio said, "Son, meet Erin Marika Caine."

Natalia added, "Right now, you are the first to know."

With a smile on his face, Kyle said, "I will remain quiet until everyone knows. He looked at his sleeping baby sister, "Hey Erin. It's your big brother here. You are lucky to have the best parents ever. As for me I will make sure you are protected, loved, and teach you all the things you need to know."

With that, Kyle saw a hint of a smile from his baby sister, and it warmed his heart even more. Half an hour later Kyle had left to work at the Police Department in Parkland. Just before visiting hours ended for the day, the dayshift team with tons of gifts in hand arrived at the hospital to visit with the new family. Eric gave his boss and former brother-in-law and said, "Hey H, Natalia, congrats you the birth of your daughter."

Calleigh and Alexx made a beeline for Natalia. When the ladies saw her head peeking out, "She is so beautiful!"

Ryan, who was close by with Walter, pointed out, "No, duh look at who her parents are."

Walter poked Ryan hard in the arm and said, "Save the dry wit for the job, man."

With Calleigh holding the newborn, Alexx said, "No matter what, we are going to spoil this little girl."

Eric asked, "So have you guys decided on a name for this little cutie?"

With a teary smile, Natalia said, "Ok, you know how Horatio and I were hesitant at one point before we go together?"

Everyone nods. Natalia continues, "Well, Horatio and I had a guardian angel who gave us the nudge we needed. Well, we saw this middle name. We thought it was perfect. Everyone, Horatio, and I would like you to meet Erin Marika Caine."

Everyone in the room gasped. Eric was especially moved. Eric shed tears of joy, and said, "I am happy you and H decided to honor Mari. I know that would she be honored and will be Erin's guardian angel."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Just then, the team all felt a breeze come into the room. But only Eric and Horatio smelled Marisol's favorite fragrance and knew she was with them in spirit. Indeed Marisol was present. She bent down, kissed her brother's and Horatio's cheek which was followed little Erin's forehead. Right then, the baby opened her eyes, instead of it being blue like Horatio's or mocha brown like Natalia’s, it was hazel; just like Marisol. They all knew then Mari was a part of Erin and of course, watch Erin grow up and help guide her.

Indeed it was their heart's desires that helped them get what they each's other's love.

A/N: Thanks for reading the third and final chapter of "Love Desires" As always, reviews are appreciated!

#csi miami #natalia boa vista #Eva LaRue #horatio caine #david caruso

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spotlightsaga · 7 years

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Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Ru Paul’s Drag Race (S09E03) Draggily Ever After Airdate: April 7, 2017 @vh1 @wowreport Ratings: 0.673 Million :: 0.3 18-49 Demo Share Score: 4.5/10

**********SPOILERS BELOW*********

Finally! An episode we can all sink our teeth into. No, this isn’t a ‘Drag Race’ best… But we’re finally starting to see who has that special something to make it to the latter half of this competition and who doesn’t. Slowly but surely the stakes are raising and the stars are rising to the top. 'Draggily Ever After’ as an episode and as an overall challenge knows exactly where it is in the competition. There are still weak ones and performers that aren’t fully realized as full on Drag Queens left in the competition, so the challenge is basic… But it demands the Queens to realize a concept and reach into their bag of tricks and show us their artistic side by having the contestants create Princess characters that are accompanied by an original sidekick and threaded together by a short storyline.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but it looks like, for the most part, that Eureka, Nina Bo'Nina Brown, Sasha Velour, Trinity Taylor and Valentina are all front runners for their own reasons. Shea Couleé could be a dark horse in the competition… And the judges seem to be pulling Peppermint in to praise her for something outside of this competition, as if Peppermint has established herself and put in work and therefore automatically deserves a little bit of spotlight and praise. I get it and I don’t get it. I just know I’m not looking at a winner. Charlie Hides does runway well, but the total package isn’t strong with this one. For some reason I can’t ever remember who Alexis Michelle is, was, or anything about her. It’s true I take a Xanax or two, but I’m going to need this girl to shine and soon. Maybe she just hasn’t had the met the right challenge yet? If someone or something doesn’t make an impression on me I can literally turn around, walk two steps, and completely forget they exist. What were we talking about again?

I hate that Drag Race is on Friday’s now. The weekend is not when I do my best writing as I’m always tired, running around, bartending or serving for extra money or trying to get an extra piece or two worked on for a printed publication or wherever I can fit in. Last week in my review on RPDR, I fumbled some words about the show of which Lisa Kudrow was quoting, it didn’t change the fact that she was one the show for 20 seconds to just say lines from one show that she did. They did say 'The Comeback’ in the show, and unfortunately I’m unable to post edit something I post on TVShowTime and I apologize for the mistake and it was corrected outside of this platform, but understand that I really try to come from a good place… And no, the show she was quoting didn’t change how I felt about the segment. Please don’t tell me to 'calm down’ or 'relax’, I am writer at heart and whether I’m making money or not, I love this community, you see what I write first, and it’s you who really get to see the true me, sans about 5 people in this world who I know are the definition of a 'real friend’, and only one of them lives here in South Florida. I am exhausted right now, I’ve been up since 5am yesterday morning working and I really hope that I can convey this next topic with the compassion and sincerity that I normally am able to convey with ease (just not Friday-Sunday).

As a Floridian, who had friends and co-workers in Orlando during the Pulse Massacre, this is a very difficult place for me to revisit, even with the amount of time we’ve all had to process what happened. I’ve been in a gay relationship for over 11 years now. I’m a natural born hustler in many aspects, I’ve always had multiple jobs, multiple passion projects, and for a good 3-4 years I was a 'Male Dancer’ in one of the most notorious Gay Strip Clubs in Ft Lauderdale, FL. I’ve always been on the outside of the gay scene, I never felt like I belonged, and that’s because I don’t, and that’s ok. During my time working there, I made a lot of friends that I never thought I would make. My intention was to go in, get money, and get the fuck out. I thought I had nothing in common with a lot of these people and hung with the other 'straight’ dancers at the club at first. I quickly found myself bored with those 'straight’ co-workers (no offense, trust me they were vapid and always overcompensating for something they lacked beyond physical beauty) and suddenly found myself very much amused at the more quirky, flamboyant boys who came to play. They were all hot messes, yes, but in a 'Party Monster’ type of way, you know… Before the whole murder…errr… Manslaughter twist ending.

There’s always been a huge part of me that has been terrified to seem anything less than masculine, even though my personality is very much 'over-the-top’, I’m haunted with the memories of my parents scolding and shaming me for a brief moment of 'sounding gay’ or displaying a trait that they found too telling. Suddenly I was worlds away from that feeling and those people (who I do love and know did have good intentions, just an ignorant approach) and I was meeting some of the most impactful and beautiful people who were very proudly 'gay’, something I had always equated with 'exploiting for money’ or 'shameful’. These over-the-top Latin and Black young men took a stubborn, scared strawberry blonde boy who was allowing myself to be the “token 'soulless ginger’ with a thick ass and athletic legs” and helped me shed the fear of just letting go and being 100% me. They really showed me how to live my life to the fullest in a way I didn’t know was possible. That chapter in my life is very much over now. You won’t my find me in gay clubs anymore, and my other safe haven, the rave scene, is long dead (since 2003/2004), and now I may attend a music festival once or twice a year if my schedule permits it… But I wouldn’t trade my experience with those incredibly amazing human beings for anything in the world and I try to take what they taught me with me everywhere I go and apply it to anything and everything. One of those people I lost to suicide, and no there was no 13-tapes to listen to afterwards, because suicide is an ugly spurt of the moment thing.

Not everyone is right for the strip club, it takes a special kind of damaged mess to navigate that world… But there were several young, unbelievably strong young men who showed me something beyond that for a few years… And I’m incredibly blessed to have a partner who knew I needed that experience and allowed me to do whatever I wanted, never wanting to impede on my personal growth, but still always put up somewhat of a fight… For good measure.

That 'safe place’ that Cynthia Fontaine talked about, I know that place, and the thought of a single man barging in one of those places with an AK where people are able to discover a different meaning and break the general mold of what is or isn’t 'the social and societal norm’ and gunning down as many people as possible rips my inner core into a million pieces. The night that it happened, I called my friends and coworkers in Orlando, over and over and over, wondering if they were alive… Wondering how something like this could happen.

Growing up with the bravery to admit that sexuality and gender isn’t as 'paint by numbers’ as everyone wants it so desperately to be is difficult, especially when you are a leader and you bear that cross during difficult times like middle and high school. Once you make it out of high school, it does in fact 'get better’, but now we have to face something like this… In a place that’s supposed to be designed to celebrate our freedom, a place that allows a select few a unique chance to come of age for a second time around… But instead that 'safe place’ was used as a hunting ground. People were lined up and shot one by one, bullets and blood, tears and pain staining the air with a stench of terror and death as good people who had amazing hearts and the ability to heal and teach and love and change people’s lives for the better… It’s impossible to truly make sense of… And something a fucking hashtag on social media will only stain further.

What we heard between Trinity and Cynthia was a real conversation about the direct effect it had on two people’s lives… Two people that were technically removed from the nightmare, but still very much a part of it in a very real way. It’s something we will never escape as human beings, as sexually free human beings and it’s fucking terrifying. Sasha urged everyone not to be scared to go out and live your life, and I don’t have the answers or the ability to even offer up a solution because I don’t ducking know why there are people in this world who want something like this to happen. I’m glad that I was able to experience the rave scene pre-9/11/2001 and the Florida Gay Nightlife pre-6/12/2016. I hate that people are scared to go out now, scared that someone could shoot up a nightclub, or drive a truck into a fair, or set off a bomb, or snipe people at a concert, but I don’t blame them… Fuck I’m scared to just ride the metrorail or congregate in a large crowd.

And on that note, I’m going to move back to the competition. I didn’t expect this very real, very fresh moment at the time to be captured on camera and shot straight forward, without the usual tongue-in-cheek editing the show is known for. They just really served up a raw recount of how these acts of terror, particularly this one on the LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 community affects us all, even if we weren’t inside that building holding a strangers hand, hoping to see tomorrow. Let’s move on… Because we have to… Because the world will keep moving even if we don’t…

The lip sync? Aja might paint like a clown, but it was clear there is something genuine inside of him… A fire that does burn for a win. She gave us a fun, energetic lip sync, especially compared to her direct competition, that screamed 'Give me another shot!’ Unfortunately that look, that concept, and that sidekick he created was indeed a pun that neither Ru, nor any of the judges, nor I can resist to crack… A PRINCESS DISASTAH!!! Aja is young and anti-glossy, the latter of which her Brooklyn Drag Sister used to her advantage in S8. Thorgy Thor gave us a purposeful unpolished polish and we ate it up. Aja just isn’t there yet, but I want her to be. It’s clear that there is talent and great ideas mixed up in this mess, and if you can’t see that then surely the good intentions are plain to see. Like Farrah Moan, he needs another 3 years or so to understand who he is. It’s not always about 'honing your craft’, even though that’s definitely a part of it, and that’s proved by Valentina who’s turning it out in the top group consistently now in the most spectacular of ways. Age may be just a number, but life experience and raw talent counts for something major… And at this point in Aja’s career, I think that’s exactly what’s lacking to make the package complete. He’ll get there tho, I’m sure of it.

Guess I won’t be eating my words… Will I, Kimora? Like I said last week, the only reason I believe Kimora was given a pass to stay was because Jaymes Mansfield was so damn terrified. I try to stay away from negativity, but Kimora doesn’t really bring the best out of anyone including herself. It’s that nasty attitude…She transparently played the 'dumb blonde’ (I guess in 2017 we call that 'Playing Kardashian’, but I have no reason to insult any of those women), and that overly confident schtick doesn’t translate when there is no substance or clever angle to back it up… Kimora is no Willam Belli. I know stupid, I’ve stared at it directly in the face… And even stupid knows what adjectives are. I just don’t buy it. Kimora is the product of a generation that eats, drinks, shits, and dreams of reality television… But this is reality tv competition and we see that you are attempting to play a part, and not even well. You wasted a spot. You sent Jaymes Mansfield home and as scared as that little bugger was, he was certainly more promising and more talented. I’m not being mean here, I’m being real. There was nothing fun about watching Kimora Blac and this is literally the last sentence I will ever write about him.

Thanks for reading. I know this was a long one. And yes, I think taking the time to share my views of the show as well as compare and contrast my life experiences was worth it, especially since we were able to cover Pulse, it’s aftermath, and what it means to me. This will be edited down as it moves to other platforms, but I think that you and you and you who have read this all the way through are worth my time and every word on this page, as ridiculously fucking long as it is. Spotlight Saga is my baby, my brand that I’m moving forward as my own online publication, who better to give the most honest and passionate piece of myself to than you?

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