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shuahoonie · 4 years

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you [tom holland] - seven.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! alcohol consumption! a whole lotta fluff on this one yall. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! also, their relationship is improving yall 🤧

WORD COUNT: 5.2k

SONG INSPO: harry styles - to be so lonely

A/N: hiya babes, again, its day n of quarantine. i feel awful that i’ve gone this long without an update. would totally understand that you had to reread this whole series to find out what the hell is going on lmao. also, quarantine life really ruined my general schedule like now, i start my days at 3 pm and it ends at 7 am. obviously, i’m not doing well.

also, everytime i try to write it’s always like 4 am so there’s prob a lot of errors on this. i also had the initial plan to cut this chapter in two parts but figured you guys deserve this bc i’ve been gone for way too long. [it was way past 6 am when i finished this]

hope you guys are safe. spam my inbox, tell me what you’ve been up to this quarantine! stay at home and wash those hands!!!!! sending all my love ♡

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST WHENEVER I CAN [I MEAN WE’RE IN LOCKDOWN. PLS PESTER ME TO UPDATE SO I CAN BE PRODUCTIVE]

gif credits: @tomhollandcouk

You took a look at the girls and sure enough, they were watching the two of you and were whispering amongst themselves. You didn’t know who they were so you were assuming they were on Josh’s guests.

You weren’t one to start fights however, you were extremely petty though. It’s a habit you’re trying to get rid of. “Hey, Tom?”

He hummed in response. “Do you want to finally get them off your back?” You asked him. He stared at you for a moment before nodding.

“I’m going to do something but promise me you’ll forget it as soon as it’s done.” You disclosed, not even knowing why you’re actually going to do it.

“Okay...” You knew he was getting curious. “What-”

You grabbed the side of his face and kissed the corner of his lips. To say that both of you were surprised was an understatement.

Your lips lingered on the corner of his. As soon as you saw the girls with their backs turned against you two, you pulled away.

You could easily see Tom’s ears turn red. You weren’t sure why, but you were too distracted by the fact that you actually did that.

You also felt yourself getting hot. You were sure that your face is burning, however, you were unsure of the fact that maybe it’s burning because of the stunt you just pulled or because of the alcohol in your system.

“It’s definitely the alcohol,” you murmured.

“Sorry, you were saying something?”

Seemingly lost for words and embarrassed, you told Tom “I need another drink.”

If anyone asked you what just happened, you probably won’t have an answer as you were confused as well. That’s why you were practically running to the open bar, leaving Tom on the dance floor, with the look of bewilderment painted on his face.

“Tom!”

He turned his head around, looking for who could have possibly called his name. Upon seeing who it was, he greeted her with a huge smile on his face. “Liv, congratulations! It was a wonderful ceremony.” He said genuinely.

“Aw,” Olivia cooed in delight. “Thanks, Tom! We’re happy you could make it.” She beamed.

“Would’ve never missed it,” Tom smiled.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but have you seen Y/N?” Olivia asked, looking around.

He felt himself turn red, which Olivia noticed but chose not to point it out. “She told me she was getting herself a drink...”

“That bitch never learns,” Olivia murmured to herself. “Tom, can you do me a favour? Can you please keep an eye out for her? She tends to drink a lot at weddings and-”

All of Veronica’s words came flooding back to Tom, knowing that he was supposed to stop Y/N from grabbing another glass. “Right, of course.”

“She doesn’t have a problem!” Olivia quickly disclosed. “It’s just- She tends to do a lot of weird shit while drunk.” She chuckled. “I mean look at where you two are now. None of this would’ a happened if- Oh, I’m sorry.”

“S’okay, Liv. I know.” Tom shook his head, politely dismissing Olivia. “Uh, Liv, if you don’t mind, I’m going to look for-”

“Oh, no, you’re all good.” Olivia smiled. “I have to meet with Josh in just a few minutes anyway.”

Tom congratulated Olivia again for the beautiful ceremony before he left. As Tom was looking for Y/N, he found you leaned against the bar with a drink in one hand and a phone on her other.

“Y/N.” Tom called, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“Holy fuck-” You almost spat your drink. “Jesus Christ, Tom, you fucking scared me.”

Tom chuckled. “’m sorry, darling.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pick you up,” Tom said as he saw the drink on your hand and grabbed it “and to stop you from drinking.”

You furrowed your brows at him, “Why?”

For a moment, you could’ve sworn you saw Tom shift his eyes over at your lips. That’s when you realized that you were pouting and quickly pressed your lips together.

“’cause you’ve had enough drinks for tonight,” Tom simply stated. “Why don’t I take you back to your hotel?” He offered.

“I’m good, Tom.” You said “People aren’t looking, you can quit acting like you care now.”

Tom chose to ignore the last part and pulled out his phone. “I’m texting Veronica that we’re leaving.”

“Seriously, Tom, just let me be.”

“Y/N, I’m just looking out for you. You’ve had a couple of drinks already and apparently, Zoë needs you to be up and well tomorrow morning.” Tom said, the frustration was getting through him.

“Tom-”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I will carry you to my car if I have to.”

All you could do was glare at him.

“You’ve been frowning for 10 minutes now, your face is going to get tired, darling.” Tom commented as he stole a quick look at you, only to find you with the look of annoyance plastered all over your face and your arms crossed.

“I can’t believe you actually carried me! It was so embarrassing, you dickhead.” You grumbled, feeling shy since quite a few people did see his stunt and found it absolutely adorable.

“I did say that I was serious,” He pointed out as he did a shoulder-check before making a turn.

“Don’t even know why you’re driving me back to the hotel. I could’ve called someone, ‘ya know?” You were coming up with ways as to how you can avoid spending time with Tom, which was undeniably impossible since he is your boyfriend after all.

“Nonsense,” Tom pulled over at the front of the hotel, stepped out of the vehicle to give his keys to the valet and opened your door. “I would rather drive you back and know that you’re safe.” He said as he offered his hand for you to take.

You were reluctant at first, however, you still took his hand. He was being nice and you had to respect that.

Actually, you did notice that Tom was being nice within the past few weeks that you’ve started to date. Him becoming genuinely nice was starting to become a problem, especially when you’re involved with a lot of fake dating stunts.

It pulled your heartstrings in all kinds of different directions and you know it’s wrong, which is why you’re trying your best to put those feelings aside.

“Thanks Tom, I think I can handle myself from here.” You said as you carefully pulled your hand from Tom’s.

He frowned, “I have to take you up to your room, darling. Don’t you know that there are endless possibilities of what can happen to you just from the walk from the lobby to your room? Especially the lifts.”

You stared at him for a moment. “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m that paranoid but knowing you would never budge, then I guess you can walk me up to my room.” You said, not really going to fight him off. You already fought that battle earlier and you were left embarrassingly defeated.

The walk to the room was quiet, which was exactly what you needed. You were exhausted from today’s events, not to mention that you also had to wake up extremely early to get ready for your hair and makeup.

God, I can’t wait to take all of these off, You thought to yourself.

After what seemed like forever of looking for your keycard, you finally got to open your door. You turned to Tom who was leaning against the doorframe. He had the sleeves of his white button-ups rolled up to his elbows and he had a small smile plastered on his face, even though his eyes were nearly hooded from what seemed to be an exhausting day as well for him.

“Thanks again, Tommy,” you said softly. “Today must’ve been extremely exhausting for you.” You were starting to feel guilty as you felt like you made him jump through hoops just to take care of you when he had no obligation to do so.

“S’alright, darling.” He said before letting out a yawn. “Well, I best be off then. Good night, my darling.”

Tom had a couple of steps in before you shouted for his name, causing him to halt in the middle of the hallway. He turned to look at you, wondering why you called him.

“Do you wanna stay for a while? You must be exhausted and I don’t think I can live with myself if I let you drive whilst so.” You asked shyly. You weren’t heartless. You knew how to appreciate people’s efforts and right now, you had to swallow that pride of yours to show that you were thankful for Tom and his efforts.

Tom had to make sure that he heard you correctly. After all, you were the same girl who was reluctant to spend time with him for most of the time.

He had a loopy grin painted on his face. You weren’t sure whether it was meant to tease you or it’s because he’s getting sleepy, either way, it was enough to make you roll your eyes at him.

“Why are you smiling like that? Just-” You pinched the bridge of your nose, not knowing that it was possible to feel both annoyed and embarrassed at the same time. “Just stay with me for a bit so you can rest.” You mumbled the last part.

“Are you sure?” He asked for clarification. “Think I can drive for at least 30 minutes more-”

“Tom, just get in here with me.” You said as you took a hold of his hand and pulled him inside your hotel room. “If you think I’ll let you drive for half an hour when you’re nearly about to pass out then you’re dead wrong.” You pointed out as you closed the door.

“Are you getting soft on me now, Y/N?” He teased with a playful smirk on his face.

“No,” You denied, drawling out the ‘o’ as you kicked off your heels and pushed them to a side. “It’s called showing gratitude for being there for me.” You said, trying to sound casual as possible.

“Well,” Tom propped off his shoes and made his way to the bed “I like this side of you, darling.” He grinned.

You gave him a sarcastic smile before you turned your back and grabbed some change of clothes from your suitcase.

As you were in the bathroom to get yourself changed and try to get out of the bridesmaid dress, you’ve come across a tiny problem.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You hissed at yourself as you tried to unzip the back of your dress, failing miserably. “I have already prepped myself for the idea that I would be in the comfort of my sweatshirt.” You said to the mirror, not knowing where to pour the frustration running through you.

You opened the door slightly and found Tom who was sitting on the bed comfortably, his feet propped over the tower of pillows and his back rested on the bed frame.

“Tom?” He looked up from his phone to find where you called him from and when he saw you peering from the bathroom, he had his eyebrow raised. “Can you help me unzip my dress please?” You asked in a quiet voice.

“Sorry, what was that darling?” He asked and when you tried to repeat it again, not changing the volume of your voice. “Y/N, you have to speak up. Can’t hear you from here, darling.”

You sighed and opened the door wider, “Tom, can you unzip my dress?” You practically yelled. “-please.” you added awkwardly.

Tom blinked a couple of times before scrambling his way to the bathroom, muttering soft “yeah”s along the way.

As soon as he reached the bathroom frame, you quickly turned around so you could get this thing over with. Tom moved your hair to the side before finding the zipper of your dress. As he carefully unzipped your dress, you could feel the slightest touch of his fingertips grazing on your skin.

The trails of his touch sent you into shivers. God, am I that touch-starved? You thought. For you, the process was excruciatingly long. In reality? It probably only took like 30 seconds or less.

Shaking it all off, you quickly said your thanks and practically slammed the door on his face.

God, if you’re listening, I know I’m a handful but dying from embarrassment isn’t how I saw myself passing, You practically yelled to your thoughts.

After giving yourself a couple of minutes to change into your oversized sweatshirt and some sleeping shorts and also giving yourself to calm down, you grabbed your makeup wipes and made your way to the bed.

You tried your best to keep your cool and act as if nothing had happened. Act like you didn’t want the ground to swallow you whole.

You and Tom were sitting in silence: him scrolling on his phone and you trying to remove your makeup. The keyword was trying as you barely had any energy left to do anything and removing your makeup and fixing your hair felt like absolute chores.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” You asked, turning to Tom as you continued wiping your makeup off.

“Sure, whatcha got in mind?” He asked, putting his phone down and passing you the remote.

You hummed, waiting for the TV to finish loading the selections that they have on demand. “Ooh, they have Hereditary. I’ve been wanting to see the film for a while and I heard good things about the film.”

“Isn’t that a horror film?” He asked and you nodded. You could see that he was trying his hardest to assess whether he agrees with the film or not.

Of course, being the annoying person that you are, you teased Tom. “Aw, are you scared Tommy?” You cooed.

He rolled his eyes and denied your accusation. “’m not scared.”

“It’s settled then,” You grinned. “We’re watching Hereditary.”

As you were at least twenty minutes into the film, you took a quick look at Tom who was evidently engrossed with the film. You scooted a bit closer to him which he failed to notice, bringing a devilish smirk on your face. You slowly leaned in, just enough for your breath to hit his skin, and whispered “Tom” in an attempt to scare the poor guy.

Your tiny prank worked considering he practically jumped, almost making him fall off the bed. You, on the other hand, couldn’t stop laughing. “That was not funny, Y/N.” He said as he returned back to his spot, only this time, he had his head resting on the bed frame while his back was supported with the pillows.

“I beg to differ,” You said teasingly “Do you want to get room service? I’m kind of hungry.”

He just shrugged, saying that it doesn’t matter whether you want to or not. However, you were hungry and you’re not about to carry on watching the film with an empty stomach.

You quietly ordered room service as Tom was busy watching the film. He looked adorable, if you were being honest. He was hugging one of the pillows and used the same pillow to rest his chin on.

You were debating whether to wait for the food to arrive or fix your hair. Your hair was styled in a half-up braid, tiny flowers delicately placed within the braid, while the ends of your hair were curled. The hairstylist took a significantly huge amount of time to style everyone’s hair which is why you had to wake up at the crack of dawn. No wonder you were exhausted.

You chose to wait for the food instead and settled next to Tom. You two were clearly immersed with the film and you both flinched at the sound of the knock on the door as the scene of Charlie’s head rolls and turns into a ball pops up on the screen.

“Jesus christ,” You swore under your breath as you left the bed to go answer the door.

“Aw, are you scared, Y/N?” He mocked, which you rolled your eyes in response.

“Shut up, Holland. I’m not the only one who’s scared here.” You retorted.

You opened the door and thanked the staff that brought your room service, not forgetting to hand them a tip.

“I ordered strawberry and banana pancakes,” You told Tom with a childish smile.

“It’s midnight and you ordered pancakes?” He asked with an amused smile.

“I was craving pancakes,” You pouted. “We can share, you know? You didn’t tell me what you wanted so I just ordered food for myself.”

“S’alright, darling.” He answered “Don’t worry about it.”

“We can totally share, Tommy. I didn’t expect they’d give me this much so I won’t be able to finish this by myself.” You said as you showed him the huge stack of pancakes.

He just laughed and nodded, giving in because you weren’t going to let him just watch while you ate.

“Oooh, I also ordered tea because I remember that you like tea.”

He hummed as he approached you by the table. You were setting up the pancakes and tea that you ordered. “You remember, huh,” Tom mumbled softly as he watched you carefully set the teapot down.

“’course, I do.” You answered without hesitation. “You practically shunned me for drinking coffee that one time when you visited me on set.”

“Darling, you were on your third cup.”

“So? I needed caffeine.”

“If you needed caffeine, you could’ve easily had tea instead of your third cup.” Tom pointed out as he poured tea on his cup.

“Tea is for the weak,” You mumbled which earned a dramatic gasp from Tom.

“Take it back,” He said in disbelief.

“Tea is for the weak,” You repeated firmly just so you could annoy him even more, a smirk plastered on your face.

Tom pulled you in closer to him and started to tickle your waist, “I won’t stop till you take back what you said, Y/N”

You were squirming away from him, “Tom, stop,” you yelled in between giggles. “I might drop my pancakes, please.” You were trying your best not to tilt the plate and drop your food.

“Not hearing the magic words, Y/N” Tom teased in a sing-song voice.

“Okay, fine!” You gave in, laughing. “I take it back. Tea is great.”

“It is, innit?” He sighed in agreement, making you shake your head in amusement. “Don’t worry, darling, I’ll make you a great cup of tea.”

You started taking a few bites of your pancake before you sat on the edge of the bed, bringing your plate with you and had your complete focus on the screen. You and Tom were still watching Hereditary and you intend to finish the film, even if the film is starting to creep up on you.

Tom sat beside you, “How can you eat and watch this?” He asked.

You just shrugged. “I’m hungry, nothing can stop that.” You took another bite before you offered Tom the pancakes. “Do you want some?”

“Give me a bite,” He opened his mouth in response, leaning closer to you.

“Do it yourself, you big baby.” You laughed, almost handing him the plate before you realized, “Oh, I don’t think they gave us spare utensils though.”

“I can use yours, I don’t mind.”

You offered him your plate but Tom, instead of grabbing the plate, insisted on opening his mouth, insistently asking you to feed him. “Tommy, why are you acting like an actual child?!” You were joking of course, however, you can’t deny that this whole new dynamic that you two were having was refreshing to the eyes.

“C’mon, darling. Just give it” He replied and had his mouth open once again. “I’ll take the flowers and pins off your hair while you eat-”

“Alright, fair enough.” You agreed since you were getting the higher end of the deal. With the amount of hair pins on your hair? You were hitting the jackpot.

“I’ll do it if you also feed me.” Tom added.

“Eh, whatever,” You shrugged and took another bite of your pancake.

Tom stood on top of the bed so he could sit behind you, definitely on board with helping you with your hair. He sat behind you with his legs crossed, setting a comfortable position for him.

You felt the slight touch of his fingers graze on your neck, as he brought all of the hair to your back. As he ran his fingers softly through the ends of your hair, it was enough to make you yawn. You love it when someone plays with your hair, which perfectly explains why you like going to the hairdressers.

Trying to fight off the drowsiness that was slowly taking over you, you figured you’d cut a piece off of your pancake and feed it to Tom. You sliced a piece off with your fork and hovered it over your shoulder.

Soon enough, Tom generously took the bite and carried on with removing the pins and flowers that were carefully placed on your hair.

The process was going on for a couple of minutes now: you watching and feeding Tom with your shared pancakes, and Tom willingly taking out the pins out of your hair.

It also wasn’t long when another jumpscare appeared on screen, making you jump subtly. Maybe it wasn’t subtle as you thought, since Tom was snickering behind you.

“What are you laughing at? Maybe you insisted on helping me with my hair so you can hide behind me because you’re scared too.” You pointed out, being petty and all.

“Am not,” He grumbled, slightly offended. “Maybe I do wanna help.” He then outstretched his legs, saying that he can feel his leg getting numb.

You started to feel bad, since he didn’t have any obligation to do any of it. “Tommy, it’s okay. You can stop now.” You said, twisting your body so you can take a look at him.

“What? No, you’re fine, my darling.” He said turning your body upright, making you face the television again. “S’alright, you’re alright.” He muttered softly and went back to your hair.

You mumbled a soft ‘okay,’ too shy to say something else. You kept taking turns with feeding Tom the pancakes and taking a few bites yourself. You weren’t gonna lie and tell people that this, this, time with Tom was suffocating because it’s not.

This was the first time you ever felt truly comfortable with him. It truly felt like you were spending time with someone you loved. However, that idea itself terrifies you. The idea made you feel like you were walking on thin ice and you know you’re bound to sink anytime soon.

“Tom, here, take the last bite.”

Tom gratefully took the last bite and said, “Thanks, darling. Now put that plate on the table so we can prop ourselves properly on the bed.”

You obliged and as you did, you heard Tom dusting off the bed. Walking back, you saw him look so restricted with his slacks and button ups made you feel bad. He also looked so exhausted which, obviously, made you feel even more bad. “Tom, why don’t you just spend the night here?”

“I beg your pardon,” Tom cleared his throat. “Did you just suggest that I should spend the night here?”

“Y-yeah, I mean...” You trailed off. “You look exhausted and it would probably make me worry less if you did stay.”

“If it’s alright with you, then I wouldn’t mind.” He said softly, smiling.

You felt your cheeks burning and you really had to act fast. You remembered you wore your sweatpants earlier, as you were getting your hair and makeup done, and figured maybe Tom could fit in it.

“I’ve already worn this earlier but only while I was getting my makeup and hair done.” You pulled your black sweats out of your suitcase and offered it to Tom. “I’m not sure if it fits but it’s better than sleeping with slacks on right?”

“Are you trying to see me naked?” Tom smirked.

“W-what? No, you shithead.” You stammered. “I’m trying to make you feel comfortable. Also, if you are wearing nothing underneath then maybe keep the pants on and reevaluate why you went to a wedding without underwear?!” You popped off.

“Relax, Y/N, I was kidding.” He laughed, visibly amused at the look of distress on your face. “I’ll try it on. Thank you.”

Tom stood up and began unbuckling his belt. He was about to take his pants off when he gave you a teasing smile, in which you realized that you were staring. You turned around, absolutely embarrassed, and head soft chuckles from Tom.

“Okay, I’m decent.” Tom yelled, which you took as a proper signal and turned around, only to find your sweatpants fit snugly on Tom. “It’s a bit snug, but I think I’ll manage.” He commented as he also began unbuttoning his shirt.

You weren’t going to lie and tell people that you think that Tom isn’t fit. Because he is. He is very fit. His fans know that, you know that, everyone knows that. So, would they blame you if you stared at his fit body, absolutely flustered? Of course not, because they know.

However, what they don’t know is how hard you’re trying your hardest not to stare because, you of all people, know how you don’t like when people stare at your body.

“So, whaddaya think?” He turned around and lifted his bum, asking jokingly: “Too much?”

“Eh, it could be better.” You said, playing along.

“Oh c’mon,” He groaned in exaggeration, “People think I have a great arse.” Tom pouted while he returned to his position. This time he climbed up the bed, resting his back against the headboard, and had his legs spread.

“You know what? They’re right,” You said as you climbed up the bed as well and sat between his legs again. “You do have a fabulous ass.”

“Now, you’re just saying that to flatter me so I can continue removing pins from your hair.” He mumbled softly, feeling the return of his fingers back on your hair.

“Yeah,” you sighed in content. “I’m not letting you go until every hairpin is gone, babe.” You replied, not even thinking about what you were saying. Your eyes widened. Babe? You called him babe? Bitch, you’re losing it.

You heard Tom chuckle, “Oh, so I’m “babe” now, huh?” He teased.

“That wasn’t me, that was the exhaustion talking.” You mumbled shyly, a poor attempt to mask up an excuse.

“Right,” He drawled, obviously aware that you were just making up an excuse for this dubious slip up. “S’okay though, I liked it.” He whispered on your right ear, making you squirm as you found it ticklish.

“Why-” You whipped your head back to face him, “Why would you do that, I’m ticklish, Tom”

“’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Tom laughed, “Can you please call me “babe” again?”

“No.” You replied and just heard him let out an exaggerated sigh.

You two were busy bickering and being distracted by each other, that you didn’t know that the scene you two were watching was the last scene of the film.

“Huh,” You huffed. “Wasn’t expecting that ending.”

“What’s with all the butts?” He pondered out loud.

“I don’t know but I want that image out of my head. Do you have any movie suggestions because I know you don’t like horror.” You asked Tom as you scrolled through the movie selections once again.

Tom peered from behind you and rested his chin on your shoulder, “Oh, have you seen Coco?” He asked in suggestion, seeing the movie from the list.

“The Pixar movie?” You asked and he nodded. “Nope, I haven’t yet.”

“We should watch it then,” Tom said “It’s a great movie. I was in bits when I saw it and I was on the plane then.”

“Is it that sad?” You gasped as you clicked on the movie, waiting for the screen to finish loading.

“Oh, I was full on sobbing, darling.” He confessed, his chin still resting on your shoulder.

As soon as the screen finished loading, you hit ‘play’ and said, “Well, I’m about to let a movie ruin me then.”

You were right. The movie already ruined you and you two were only half-way through. Tom had finished removing all the pins and flowers from your hair five minutes after the movie started, so he had the chance to watch the film properly.

Tom is now lying down comfortably, though he was elevated enough to watch the movie properly. You, on the other hand, are cuddling Tom. You had your head rested on his chest while he had his arm around you, his chin merely touching the top of your head.

How he managed to trick you into this you ask?

“Darling, I think you should cuddle me.” Tom requested as he ran his fingers through your hair one last time. He just finished removing all of the hairpins that managed to cause you pain and suffering all day.

“Why?” You asked appalled, not meaning to ask it with such tone.

“Because I’m shirtless and I’m cold.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have removed your shirt?”

“But it’s uncomfortable.”

“I don’t care”

“Okay, then I’ll just drive back to my hotel then, even though I’m pretty exhausted. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.” Tom sighed dramatically.

“God, you really are an actor, huh.” You snorted. “Fine, I’ll do it. I used to cuddle my friends anyway.”

“Are you friend zoning me?” He gasped, as he laid down.

“You are despicable, Holland.”

As you were half-way through the film, you can’t even remember how much you’ve cried already. You could hear the soft sniffles from the two of you as the movie progressed.

Your sniffles turned into full-on sobs when Héctor’s scene came on screen. He was singing to Chicharrón as a final ode before he passed on with no one from his family that were able to remember him.

“What the fuck is this film,” You commented in between sobs. “Why are they trying to ruin me like this?”

Tom rubbed your arm back and forth on, trying to comfort you. You were going through your packets of kleenex at rapid speed, as did Tom. You weren’t expecting to cry this much but here you are.

Tom wasn’t kidding when he said he was in bits when he saw this film.

“Tom, do you think they’ll room service us some Kleenex if we asked?” You asked him honestly, tears still spilling from your eyes. You knew your nose was red too because it started to hurt as you were continuously wiping it.

Tom laughed softly, crying too “’m not sure, darling.”

You lifted your head to take a good look at Tom, finding his eyes bloodshot red from crying and tear marks still visible from his face.

You used your thumb to wipe the tears from his face, making him laugh. “Why are you crying this much? I thought you’ve already seen the film?”

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, “’m not too sure. I didn’t expect I’d cry this much too.” He managed to chuckle.

“We really need to call room service for some Kleenex, Tommy.” You sniffled.

quick side note: i actually saw coco for the first time [as i wanted to stay true to what i was writing] and i was a mess. i wasn’t lying when i wrote whatever the reader went thru bc same.

TAGLIST:

@thomasthetankson @autty0314 @marvelous-tswiftfan @averyfosterthoughts @theolwebshooter @jackiehollanderr @sltwins @herondalescecilys @notjustpenandpaper @ihopethatwemeetinanotherlife @gothicwidowsworld @heartofholland @stxfxniexreads @peruvian-bae @hollands-osterfield @thenoddingbunny-blog @galacticstxrdust @sweartomendes @itsjstz @muade-mua-de @runway-to-my-aid @snowxbarryxendgame @cxlpxrnia @notasofti

CAN’T TAG:

@sectusempried

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gamerwoo · 4 years

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Seventeen headcanon: Seventeen as mall workers

a/n: I’ve always lowkey wanted to do some sort of mall series but never actually had a solid plot so we gonna just do this instead. and Pentagon will be mentioned bc I wanna do one for them and I want them all to work in the same mall and no one can stop me 😤

Choi Seungcheol

currently works at GameStop

he quit his job at GNC a few months ago because he decided he hates working out

while he hates having to restock things or go into the back for stuff, he at least likes video games

definitely not the dude you want to end up yelling at on the phone

there have been so many times he’s had to give the phone off to Wonwoo or another co-worker because he would definitely lose his job

too high of a temper to work at GameStop tbh

but he knows what he’s talking about, so

has definitely recommended you games even before he worked in there

you’d just happen to be in there when he was and he’d notice you looking between two games and he’d tell you which one was better suited for you after asking what you normally play/what you like

now that he works there, he always puts in his two cents and will give you his discount on top of your own

Yoon Jeonghan

the current manager at Starbucks

he used to be the manager at American Eagle but he hated working there because retail sucks

unfortunately, the only other job he could snag was in -- you guessed it -- still retail

but at least he gets yelled at slightly less in Starbucks

and it’s probably only because he makes everyone else do things for him so he doesn’t have to

will take his sweet ass time making a drink

refuses to work the register

would rather stay off toward the back and make the drinks than deal with the people

always says he’s too busy to do things because he’s still training Yanan even though Yanan’s worked there longer than Jeonghan has

he’s also slightly salty at Yanan because he might be the better looking barista

one time he asked you if him or Yanan was cuter and you said him so he gave you your drink for free

refers to you as his “favorite customer”

Joshua Hong

works at Guitar Center

between him, Jihoon, and Jinho, he probably knows the least about instruments

pretty much only knows guitar things

but all he does is sit at the counter and play the guitar and sing

you are literally the only person who likes hearing him sing Sunday Morning

Jihoon told him to stop before he smashed the guitar over his head but you were in the store to kill time before your break ended and you said you were enjoying it

so Josh smirked and continued while Jihoon rolled his eyes

“’customer’s always right’ my ass...”

whenever you come in or he sees you walk by he’ll be like “got any requests?”

has offered to give you guitar lessons but you're always busy with work so you say “maybe another time”

but he continues to ask

Wen Junhui

works at the pet store downstairs

there hasn’t been a single time you’ve gone in there or walked past there and he wasn’t holding an animal in his arms

loves all the animals

also makes animal noises at the animals but it’s weird because he actually sounds like the animals

notices you come in to play with the animals during your break so now he always tries to get you to bring one home

“it’s not for the business, I just want them to find homes”

once got yelled at for actually getting in one of the puppy pens to play with them

Kwon Soonyoung

currently works at Hot Topic

the only reason being that store could not give less of a hell what goes on

he’s been fired from literally every other place at the mall

got fired from Starbucks for drinking too much coffee and shaking so badly all the time that he would spill drinks

fired from Build-A-Bear for exploding a bear with stuffing and making a child cry

fired from Bath & Body Works for dropping candles and spraying perfume in a customer’s mouth on accident

dropped and broke a guitar at Guitar Center

basically his last hope was Hot Topic but if Wooseok can work there and do absolutely nothing, Soonyoung was safe working there

he does attempt to do his job, it’s just that when it comes to basically existing, he’s bad at it

knocks things over, trips on things, is the loudest thing in the store

but he’s friendly and he does his job so who can complain

Jeon Wonwoo

the manager at GameStop

the youngest one working there but he’s in charge

usually the one to deal with the shitty customers but Wonwoo is thankfully good at containing his anger

well, at least until he hangs up the phone or the person is gone

goes in the back to yell about it to whoever is back there, even if they’re listening or not

Shinwon and Seungcheol give him a hard time for being the manager and always laugh and go “glad we’re not you!”

but he does love his job because he gets to work with video games

lowkey not very good with the girls who ask him for help though

gets blushy and can’t look them in the eyes

actually he’s really shy with people in general so tbh he’s always somewhat flustered

but he’s always feels happy when he helps someone find a new game or something so he likes his job

he’s usually the one who checks you out at the register and he’s the one who signed you up for a rewards card because you were in there so often

you don’t know this but before the rewards card, he would just give you his discount because you were literally always getting games or stuffed animals or pop figures from there

Lee Jihoon

the manager at Guitar Center

again, the youngest at his store, but the one in charge

his assistant manager, Jinho is slightly angry about it

but Jihoon knows everything about everything

any instrument you need fixed or need info on, he’s your guy

he comes off as very serious and not too friendly, but if you make him crack a smile, he suddenly seems super approachable

if he sees you having lunch at the food court when he’s on his break, he joins you sometimes

“you don’t give me a headache”

you assume that’s a compliment

some customers don’t take him seriously because they’re rude and assume he’s “a child”

but of course he schools their asses in his knowledge of instruments, so

sometimes his work is so satisfying lmao

Lee Seokmin

works at Bubble Bee

between him and Kino, it’s no wonder they get a lot of business

they’re both so cute and sweet and smiley

there was a short period of time where Soonyoung worked there and tbh those two were a mess

suddenly they only shared one braincell and poor Kino was stuck cleaning up their messes

but Seokmin and Kino work well together

not to mention Seok looks really adorable in the uniforms

always makes really good bubble tea

likes when the straw color matches the color of the drink though

you’ve never spoken to him much but he’s always smiling and cracking jokes and tbh you’re soft for him

Kim Mingyu

he was hired at GNC like, a month ago

he used to work at Starbucks but he got fired

because even though he made good coffee, the poor big idiot is clumsy as hell and kept spilling things and dropping things and knocking things over

Hongseok and Matthew knew him sorta so Matthew decided to hire him

he doesn’t really know what he’s doing but it’s fine

Hongseok’s training him while Matthew does most of the work since he’s manager

people started calling them the Big Tiddy Committee which you think is kinda funny

he’s usually in there when you go in to hang out with Hongseok and he’s really sweet

a lil dumb, but sweet

Xu Minghao

works at Lush

he originally planned to work at Sephora because he’s good with like, fashion and stuff

but he didn’t feel like dealing with that and Lush seemed less...annoying

he does seem kinda quiet and a little cold at first because he doesn’t really smile a whole lot except when politely greeting someone

but it’s easy to make him laugh

and he has a cute laugh and a really pretty smile

so when you first went in there to get a bath bomb and he asked if you needed help, you were really tempted to just say you were just looking

but you let him help and you got to talking and Minghao was really sweet

sometimes he has lunch with you, too because you just like talking to him

you found out he’s friends with Jun from the pet store and Yanan from Starbucks

it seems like a weird group of friends but hey, you also thought Minghao was a lot colder than he turned out to be

he always texts you when your favorite items are in stock and he may or may not use his discount and set them aside for you to pick up

“cash app me later it’s fine”

Boo Seungkwan

works at Sephora

he really wants to do makeovers but he’s not allowed to lmao

mostly just works the register and like lowkey judges everyone’s makeup

he will hype the hell out of you if he thinks you did something well

“your eyeliner is insanely sharp, oh my god”

“your eye shadow is beautiful!”

“that lipstick color looks so good with your skin tone”

has no frickin idea what to do with his discount because he doesn’t wear makeup

you once went in there and asked him for help and he just blinked at you and went “okay, let me find someone who knows what they’re doing”

at least he’s honest

Chwe Hansol

works at FYE

makes playlists to play at work in the store

literally just always vibing

the chillest worker in the entire mall tbh

one time he helped his manager, Hui make you a mixtape because you were looking for new music

so then he got interested and started talking to you as well about music

at this point, you’re going to befriend the whole store

looks like he doesn’t do much because he’s usually sitting at the counter and vibing

but he loves helping out customers and picking out music for them or fining things for them

he just loves to help out and talk about music

Lee Chan

works at American Eagle

when you see him in those jeans, you get it

he’s like a walking billboard because damn he looks r e a l n i c e

usually working the sales floor so folding and getting things from the back if someone can’t find a size

doesn’t work the register too often

so whenever you go in, he’s usually who greets you at the door with his beautiful smile

honestly he just looks like he should be working at that kind of store y’know? he fits

he doesn’t mind the job even though Jeonghan couldn’t stand it

despite that, he still is human and understand that shit is expensive

and since he recognizes you as a fellow mall worker, he sometimes goes up to the store you work at and let’s you know when they’re having special sales and stuff

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joshua-buckley · 4 years

Text

Have you seen JOSHUA JAMES BUCKLEY? J.J is in his JUNIOR year. The ANTHROPOLOGY MAJOR is 21 years old & is an ARIES. People say he is LOYAL, CONFIDENT, SARCASTIC and DISTRACTED. Rumors say they’re a member of HASTINGS SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HE IS WORKING AS A SUGAR BABY TO MAKE RENT.

HISTORY-

Joshua Buckley had been stuck between two worlds for as long as he could remember. In any other life J.J would have been a total wallflower, awkwardly shuffling in the corner with his nose in a book. Born and raised in London, England with his parents and two younger sisters, he grew up being completely fascinated with science and history. His parents are both successful athletes turned coaches, who heavily encouraged him to step out of his naturally awkward self to pursue a sport. He figured, rather naively, that basketball was his best bet at keeping his parents happy without leading to many real job prospects in the UK. With his parents connections and reputation however, he was already being visited by scouts before he could really even shoot a basket.

He lived a double life throughout his teens, days spent trying to live up to the popular athlete archetype he was born to be, while his evenings were consumed with academia. His friends never really understood why he’d blow off practice to volunteer at the Natural History Museum while his parents were desperately trying to dissuade him from ruining his opportunity to carry on the family legacy.

When the time came for him to pick a college, he was lucky enough to be offered a basketball scholarship at Duke, though his work and breakthroughs with the researching team at the NHM also led to him getting into Yates. His parents refused to pay for his college as Duke was offering him a perfectly good scholarship, so he lied and insisted that Yates had also offered him a full ride.

Knowing there was no way in hell he could afford the tuition and his rent without serious money, he began working as a sugar baby. He currently has a few old women on the go, getting monthly allowances to take them out for dinner and put together furniture while they eye him rather pervertedly...

HEADCANONS-

-Josh is always analysing everybody all of the time. Which is obviously super pretentious.

-He thinks he’s funny. Emphasis on the thinks because it’s far from true most of the time.

-Total asshole the majority of the time bc he struggles to pretend to care about things and people he doesn’t.

-He’s far from a creature of habit and always has a new hobby or just a new something so he doesn’t feel like he’s wasting his whole life doing that same stuff.

-Loves film photography, always has some expensive old film camera on him, though film is damn expensive so he barely uses them.

-Super outgoing and introverted at the same time. Legit a walking oxymoron.

MOODBOARD||PERSONALITY

CONNECTIONS-

I’m up for practically anything but here’s a feww:

{ && friendship connections }

—— Tutor ;; JJ tutors this character. Can be older/younger as he’s a total know it all.

—— Friendzoned ;;UTP who’s the zoned and who’s the zoner but yeah, someone tried to get lucky and failed pretty embarrassingly.

—— Partying Buddies ;; a friendship that relies on nothing more then alcohol, drugs, going out and making a fuck ton of mistakes

—— Confident/Cornerstone ;; someone who acts as a shoulder to lean on and someone to vent to.

{ && enemy connections }

——Homewrecker ;; Maybe one of Joshua’s Sugar Momma’s is this characters actual mother and they find out and then there’s hella drama??

—— Enemies Because of A Girl ;; Joshua and this character used to be friends and then crushed on the same girl and had a super petty fallout bc of it

—— Rivals ;; the two are always in competition over grades, and pretty much everything else

{ && romantic connections }

—— Casual Hook Up ;; they aren't friends, but will call each other whenever they wanna fuck.

—— Will They, Won't They ;; a pair of friends or maybe not friends who constantly flirt and act like a couple but are also like totally not a couple, yanno?

——On Again, Off Again ;; Our muses as a couple that you'd get whiplash from on whether or not they are together.

—— Exes (Bad Terms) ;; a pair of exes that were 10/10 not on the same page and it's all animosity between them and hate and aNGST.

#yatesintro #about:josh #this is shit but I'm tiERD

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all-hail-stevinel · 4 years

Note

I'd love to know more about Spinel's relationship with Sammy and the guys!

Oh!! It makes me so happy that you guys like my bois!!! lol when I first wrote in Sammy and the guys I thought they would just be for that scene and done but bc so many people liked them I’ve had fun bringing them back and giving them more depth!

The bois background:

Josh- typical white boi but with a heart of gold. Helpless mom friend of the group. Desperately tries to keep them all out of jail, but get a few beers in him and he’s the one they have to stop from silly shenanigans. His hair is fluffy and blonde, so sometimes the other guys call him ‘Poodle’. This whole squad drinks respect women juice but my boy Josh takes it to a new level. He’s the most sensitive of the bunch, with his own family problems that make it easier for him to relate to and empathize with others. He and Spinel bond initially over his first kind gesture buying those tickets, but it furthers when they hang out more and he learns about her time spent in the garden. Josh was abused as a kid so its something he can really relate to and they’ve had lots of conversations about their shared trauma where Josh imparts Thaerapist Given Wisdom ™ upon her that she takes back to Steven. He has seven locally adopted dogs all named after planets. He loves them all equally but Jupiter, his sweet three-legged brown pitbull, loves to follow him places. She gets along really well with Lion and Spinel and loves turkey bacon. Steven can admit that just having the cute animal by his side makes Josh the hardest to hate, but he and Universe certainly manage lol

Marcus- youngest of the bunch but equally sweet. He’s a music lover at heart and plays the violin, he and Spinel start bonding when she tells him about her ukelele lessons with Greg. He dyes his hair a different color every week, so his shirts are always stained but it doesn’t really matter bc he’s always covered in paint. He loves street art and during her more rebellious moments, Spinel likes to bounce around Beach City with Marcus in tow, painting murals and graffiti and escaping before the ruby cops can stop them. Marcus really relates to the lost feeling that Spinel often has, having run away from home. All the guys lived together in an apartment in Empire city considering that they’re the sons of rich and distant parents, but Marcus is the only one who purposefully ran away from homophobic ones and is trying to re-invent himself, something Spinel deeply understands.

Kyle- my man is a modern sage in the modern age. 420 blaze it, Kyle is there with a funny story that’ll have you rollin’ with laughter paired with the kindest eyes. He loves to dance and lose hours playing Mario kart, though a majority of his time is actually spent doing volunteer work around empire city and baking. My man loves baking lol and not just the weed kind. He wanted to become a pastry chef but business management gave him terrible anxiety attacks so instead, he does it just for fun and is much happier for it. All the guys love supporting him and trying out all his dishes, always stuck between wanting to share them or hoard it to themselves. Spinel and Kyle took a little longer to get along, but now go together like apple pie alamode! He understands her anxiety and helps her manage it with breathing tools and physical comfort. He’s the most supportive whenever she and Steven get into a fight, whether she’s in the right or not, he’s a ride or die friend ready to take on Steven one-on-one despite how scrawny he is in comparison. His height makes him overconfident lol. He the group mischief-maker, the voice that encourages all of Sammy’s wild crazy plans with the sort of calm lulling tone of a brewing storm. He loves drama and causing chaos, which when Spinel is in the mood, makes them a dangerous combo

Sammy- party animal. Excessive emoji user. Loves plants, owns approx 233 succulents who all have their own names. You will respect the plant baby names. cHUGS respect women juice. Has wrestled an alligator before on a family trip, and the alligator won. When not partying this cool cucumber likes to sleep his days away, tru night owl status. Does also love gardening and visiting farmers’ markets, which he tries bonding with Steven over it but the diamond boy clearly wanted no part despite his many attempts. Spinel loves all the guys but its clear that she and Sammy are the closet by far. He recently left an emotionally abusive relationship that was very similar to Spinel’s own with Pink. but what they initially bond over isn’t their shared trauma but instead their ‘jobs’ as entertainers. Sammy is known for being a wild party boi, having fun, getting too drunk and wreaking exhilarating havoc, which he does love. But all his life he would bottle his true emotions and feelings from those he was close to bc he felt obligated to always entertain them, to be their best friend and perfect plaything no matter how it truly made him feel. Upon discovering that and finding the courage to be open about herself, they became thick as thieves overnight. Sammy was the first number to be put in her phone after stevens. He’s arguably the most handsome of the group, but he’s also gay af which makes it even funnier when he purposefully flirts or suggestively touches Spinel bc he’s just trying to rile steven up.

As a group:

They are the best definition of boys will be boys

You know all those silly tik tocks and vine of groups of boys doin cute but stupid shit to funky background music? That’s these bois

They all love Spinel and during her first fight with Steven they let her stay over a whole week just so she could get time away

Despite half the group bein gay af they all love flirting with Spinel and complimenting her, mostly bc they think her blush is cute but also bc they know Steven and Universe are jealous whores and they think its SO FUNNY

Its made even funnier when they realize Spinel get *ahem* special treatment after all their obnoxious flirting that leaves her floating on cloud nine and covered in bruises, which hey to each their own. So the boys kind of make a game out of it, with the main goal basically whoever makes Steven snap wins. If you can get Universe to snap tho, you win for the week lol

If you make Spinel cry they will fight you. Please be reminded that they are all 6’0+ and these absolute madmen would fight a whole quartz army for her if she asked

If her time isn't being spent with Steven and the other gems, shes usually with them, causing mayhem. Their exploits end up in the news at least once a month to Stevens never-ending exasperation.

Yes, including that one time they all got spinel drunk and she stole a tiger from an empire city zoo to be friends with Lion

“But Stevieeeee, he’s so lonely its not fair!”

Do NOT make drunk spinel cry. These bois WILL turn on Instant Kill Mode

#stevinel #double trouble au #i love this ask!!!#steven x spinel #dem bois #oc characters #spinel #steven universe #my au #my fic #ask more if youd like!

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seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana · 4 years

Text

EDIT: Sorry Meg I lost the post idk where it is and I’m a little tired to look for it, sorry. In the morning I’ll find it ;)

@megatraven lOokKk! People who read this, this idea is kinda my idea but ALSO part of Megs wonderful post. Go look at it >:). But yeah. Also, italics means it’s a flashback.

He always believed in her. Whenever she joined H.E.R.A, he believed she could do things to make things better. He saw her grow up and how she did everything to help people. He was basically one of the people that taught her to do that. But he truly believes that it’s just in her soul. Even if he wasn’t there, he believes she would’ve done the right thing.

But he didn’t know doing the right thing would eventually lead her somewhere he prayed wouldn’t happen. Somewhere he hoped and begged the gods to not let someone else he loved go to. However, it still happened and his world crashed around him.

One day he woke up to a knock on his door. He got up sleepily and was confused at first. It was around 10 AM. However, he didn’t know if it was important, so he got up and answered it. He was a little surprised to see Alex there, but he noticed MC wasn’t there.

“Hey, Alex. Is something up?” Alex was sitting on the couch with Josh next to him. Josh noticed the distant look in their eyes and how they were silent for awhile. Alex was not the one to really be shy. However, Josh gave them time. He understood what it’s like to need time to explain yourself. So, after around 5 minutes of silence, Alex took in a breath and looked at Josh with such sadness. “I tried, Josh. I really did. I tried to prevent what happened, I gave everything in me, my mother tried so hard too, but...”. They stopped, eyes going to the ground as they braved themselves for what they were going to repeat.

“MC is gone...”.

Sounds seemed to stop, the world seemed to stop moving. Alwx didn’t move and Josh didn’t dare to move, as if this was a dream. Well, a nightmare. However, it wasn’t, and Josh eventually let out a cry. He didn’t like to be weak in front of people, he felt like he had to be the strong one. He guessed it runs in the family. Alex then began to panic again. “I’m sorry. I tried so hard, Josh, but nothing worked,” they told him, tears sliding down their cheeks as well.

Josh knew they would’ve done everything. Alex was family and knew how they loved MC and how she loved them back. You could basically see it in both of their faces when they just looked at each other. It’s what made Josh happy. Alex was family to him and to see MC and Alex finally get together, it made Josh extemwlt happen. However, he couldn’t stop that pang of anger, but he hid it. Because he knew he truly couldn’t hate Alex. He just couldn’t. It wasn’t in his soul. However, it still hurt, god it hurt. He lost his mother, which caused his protectivness over his sister. However, when she grew older, he believed in her, he always did. But now...she was gone...and there was nothing he could do about it.

Alex and Josh both cried for the rest of the afternoon. They couldn’t think of anything else to do. After their sobbing was done, Alex left after one more apology. Josh reassures then that it was okay. He knows they tried their hardest. However, both of them knew the other wasn’t okay, but both knew they needed time alone.

Josh went to his bedroom and sat on the bed, his life starting to feel not normal. Not even sitting on the bed felt right. He let out small, hyperventilating breaths every now and then. He felt hungry, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. It was so long ago when he felt like this, but he always pushed to be better since he had his sister to care for. His sister...that was now gone. He fell back on his bed and looked at the ceiling, which caused a memory of him and his sister to pop into his mind.

He and his sister were laying on her bed in her room, looking at the ceiling. Their mom had bought them this machine that projected stars on the ceiling and they acted like they were stargazing. “Woah!” MC was 8 and she found this so cool. Josh and her looked at the stars and just admired them. They may not have been real, but they both loved them. Josh felt a little poke on his shoulder and turned his head to the side to see MC looking at him. “Will you take me to actually see the stars?” He smiled at his sister and ruffled her hair. “Of course I will!” MC giggled and looked back at the ceiling. It was a lovely night.

He sighed at that memory. It would’ve caused happiness to bloom if it was yesterday, but now it caused sadness and grief to form. He did take her to the park to see the stars one night. Their mom came too and it was all perfect. But now, those 2 people were gone. The hole that was left from his mothers death suddenly got wider and bigger, almost taking up his whole heart. It hurt, it felt he was dying, but he knew it wasn’t.

Fate wouldn’t be that kind to him.

On the day of her funeral, it was held at a graveyard, but in the corner of it. They all wanted MC to have a special place for herself like her mother did, but Josh refused to have it on Olympus. He may have wanted MC to feel at peace...but he couldn’t step foot into Olympus now, and he knew her need to see her when he felt lonely and cold again. None of the gods and goddesses dared to look him in the eye. Hatred was surrounding him, but it was drowned out by sadness. Hades and Aphrodite walked over to him and tried to comfort him. He tried to hold back his mouth, he knew how Hades and Aphrodite felt about his mom and MC. He may not be as close to them, but he does believe they would’ve done anything to keep MC safe.

Around 2 months after the burial, Josh was walking downtown and knew exactly where he was heading. It was to his sisters grave. The one place he believed he could go to and feel...safe. The one place he felt like someone was actually there. Well, when he was at his mothers grave he felt the same way, but he hasn’t felt that in over 10 years, and now he felt it again...and it hurt so bad. But he still went there, craving some kind of comfort. Even if she wasn’t there.

He arrived there and saw someone already there. It was a familiar figure, but one he hadn’t seen for 10 years (other than MCs recent funeral). He couldn’t help the little pang of anger that was in his heart. He saw Aphrodite and his mom together. He saw the closeness and could see how happy his mom was with her. And he knew that she cared for him and MC. He knew she would’ve done everything she could’ve to save MC...but it wasn’t enough. He was feeling a little anxious, but still walked and joined her. He heard her letting out little sobs. She jumped at him sitting next to her, but she looked at him and her tears fell even faster.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I tried, me and Alex tried so hard. So did Hades. We tried, Josh, I’m so sorry,” she said, hiccups in between her words. Josh looked at her and his tears also fell. He may not have been close to Aphrodire like MC and his mom were, but he did care for her as well. His tears fell as well. “I know.” It was the only thing he could say. His throat was tight with emotion and he didn’t know what else to say. Aphrodite nodded and looked back to MCs grave and continued to sob. Joshs tears were silent and let out soft sobs. He just couldn’t let everything out with Aphrodite right there and he couldn’t talk to her.

He and Aphrodite stayed there, sitting next to each other for another hour. It felt so tight and it felt like neither of them could leave. They felt like they had to get their tears out now to let MC know they were sorry. To let MC know they cared and missed her. Josh was actually surprised to not see Alex with their mother. He’s assuming that Alex needed some time alone for awhile.

He thinks that’s what everyone needs. And now...everyone has too much of it. No one wants to address it or speak of it, just like their mothers death. Now, so many people were affected by her and her mother, so it leaves a big hole in everyone’s heart.

But no one was hurting as much as her brother is.

OKAY!!! I hope you liked this Meg and everyone else! I really liked this idea and (once again) Meg helped me come up with the idea in our conversations and my brain was like “hmmm. WRITING TIME.” This has been in my mind for awhile and I finally have written it all out. No proofreading bc I’m rlly tired and need to sleep (unless Meg says a response or I actually can’t sleep). So, bYE for right now and love you Meg❤️❤️🥺.

#afk #astoria fates kiss #alex cyprin #astoria fates kiss alex #astoria fates kiss josh #my writing #lovestruck #we love Josh #but me and Meg just like #all the characters being a bit sad ;;#hehehe hope yall cried like I did #and hope yall liked it!!

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neko-shinigxmi · 4 years

Text

.: Day 1 - F/O February :.

Reverse Self-Ship: You are your F/O’s F/O!!

I’m from a video game series akin to an odd mix of Watch_Dogs and Grand Theft Auto. Things can get a little pervy, hijacking cars is involved, stealth and adventure abound...but so is a bunch of ridiculous, silly things, like a petting minigame that triggers randomly when interacting with my cat.

There’s a single-player mode focused on my background and meeting up with past friends or exes...and is story-based, allowing you to attack and kill them, befriend them again... All sorts of stuff.

Also, the option to adopt more cats and become a crazy cat lady...in spirit.

Shit, romance people if you want! Live life!

Marcus got Wrench (Reggie) the game as a birthday gift. It was mostly a joke, because Reg REALLY thought he wouldn’t like it....and what else do best friends do but give their bffs prank gifts?

Still, Marcus bought it for him new... So Reg boots it up and gives it a chance, anyways.

......holy shit, he actually likes this WAY more than he first thought he would.

First of all, he HATES animals; every one he’s ever met seems to hate him and hurt him, so he’s turned his back on animalkind. However, throughout the game, I’m NOTHING but kind to every animal and suspicious of every person I meet.... Some of which he understands completely. There are some ASSHOLES in this game!!

Also, the way I croon to my cat and get into baby talk... It’s so damn cute to him. Really makes him feel some kinda way, which he flushes over. (Haha, wow that’s embarrassing.)

The point is, he ends up hating animals a little less and starts loving cats a LOT more.

Actually had to put down the controller and walk away from the game when doing a dancing minigame. He could barely focus on the button commands with how cute I was being while doing the dances.

Proceeds to look up people who 100% the dances just so he can save them to his phone. Watch them whenever he wants.

Later deletes them, 100%s them on his own, and THEN saves them onto his phone. Is a lot more happy with them, cause they’re HIS gameplay videos and not someone else’s.

LOVES messing around with outfits. Someone on the staff was either a big fan of cats or just...made that my most out-there personality trait (second only to the games and show in my world that are obviously knock-offs of real-world games), but he’s not complaining. Running around in cat ears and a cat tail? So damn cute.

His personal favorites are the masks I have combined with the matching jackets; it makes me feel more relatable to him...but he’s a greedy man and always eventually takes them off so he can look at my face.

Has SO MANY PICTURES on Facebook of him playing this damn game. Marcus kinda thought he was pranking at first, but now the whole squad knows Reg is a bit of an addict.

They got him the other games on Christmas and he cried. Everyone was....kinda in awe.

Josh got him a t-shirt with my character on it that reads “Bee Paw-sitive~!” on it. He wears it a LOT.

He definitely started up a collection that rivaled....basically no one else in the fandom.

HATES seeing the fandom pairings. And since you can romance anyone due to my sexuality canonly being Panromantic...it’s frustrating.

(Well, he’s Bi, so some of the people he wouldn’t mind sharing with, yeah....but he’s specifically venomous over the people he’s SURE are my friends only. Or are/were super toxic to me in my past. So, so bitter that anyone likes those ships, but holds his tongue only bc he got a figurine of me doing some cutesy pose next to his monitor. It helps him keep his head.)

Literally has a savings account reserved for merchandise. If it exists, he wants to buy it. If it doesn’t, but someone’s commissions are open? He’s gonna buy it.

Has bought art, jumped on art-trades/requests to get MORE art of us together. Has two plushies of me, as well as a body pillow. Continues to seek more things.

Is honestly upset that my size is medium (and so he can’t wear my canonly fitted clothes), BUT that doesn’t stop him from owning a single shirt in my size AND getting items that mimic my wardrobe.

He likes to imagine we can match together....or I can wear HIS version of my fave shirts when mine are dirty~!

Is still debating getting a kitten. Until that day, cat plushes are among the only other plushes he has (aside from mine).

Weird as he felt about it, he later admitted to his friends that he....kinda felt romantically towards me? And was thinking about just being fictoromantic...

Josh was the first one to see no problem with it and fast. People can be hard to work with, so... You do you. (Reg then felt bad about bullying him so much....oop.)

Horatio was also quickly on board. “Hey man, they make you happy. If it helps, it helps.”

Marcus....was a little more confused, but got in the spirit of it, regardless. “man, if I knew you would’ve actually liked it, I woulda got it for you a lot sooner!! Have fun, man.”

Sitara doesn’t quite get it, but.... It sure explains why Reg kept pestering her to tag “Purrfect Anarchy” in certain places and commissioning her for stylized art of him with them.

T-Bone....kinda harasses him about it, but the group stands by Reg. Josh is pretty upset about it, though.

He also follows every piece of news and publicly shares it, after admitting to being ficto. LOTS more pictures like, “Cutie’s got good taste.” [selfie with him sticking out his tongue and wearing one of the replica shirts] “Dinner date with bae!” [screenshot of me looking at the screen of his laptop, dinner and candlelight between us]

Everyone rolled with it more and more over time, so now it’s entirely not uncommon for them to bribe Reg to do things by dragging me into it...

Sitara: Hey, you leaving? Wrench: ...yeah, why? Sitara: Can you get me a coffee while you’re out? Wrench: Wh-? Why should I get you-? Sitara: I bet Rachel would like you doing something like that, y’know. Wrench: .....That’s cruel. You’re cruel. Sitara: I know~! You know how I like it, thank you, and Rachel loves you. Wrench: [sputters audibly and shuffles out the door, muttering to himself, embarrassed]

They don’t do a LOT of crimes anymore, but... Definitely still fuck shit up w/ cops. Reg daydreams a shitton about a masked romance and the anarchy we could commit together... After all, I helped him be braver. So he could help me, too, and then..... So much glorious chaos. Maybe makeouts in his car...

Was literally the type to not give a SHIT about marriage or kids, but now nonstop thinks about our lives together. Anarchy and domestic lifestyle shit can coexist, right? We can be married, have our cute lil’ two story (three, if you count the attic AND a basement), and some kids.....and also go create anarchy and throw bricks at cop cars and cause so much damn trouble..... Right?

He’ll even get a CAT for our home. It’ll be our first kid and not only will he be SO COOL, but they’ll name her (yes, a girl) Princess Leia and I’ll probably cry in happiness!!

Reg is DETERMINED to be the best husband/boyfriend ever. Doesn’t matter which, cause whatever speed I’d like to go at? Hell yeah, he’s down for it. Just as long as he can still hold my hand and gush over how cute I am and-

Has gushed about me and my series before and WILL do so again, prompted or not.

Actually participated in the fandom a little. Mostly does reblogs and such, but has written a few stories (self-inserts are the majority), done some not too shabby art, and prides himself on being the BIGGEST fan of the series with all the merch he has AND commissions bought.

Made a select few friends who also are fans, but... Is constantly anxious about his self-shipping. Either that they might eventually think he’s weird, send more anon hate (he’s gotten some in the past for “being a creep”), or- worst yet- also self-ship with me and he’s still dealing with that idea.

Until then, he’s got a wedding ring he bought cheap at the jewelry section of some store, so.... Coping skills, babey.

#FOFebruary #FOFebruary2020 #Aki speaks #otp; purrfect anarchy #self ship #self ship community #oH LOOK I'M DOING THINGS ALL OF A SUDDEN.....#O D D #anyways have this thank u

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svtegg · 5 years

Text

dad!svt (hyung line)

seungcheol:

three kids...he wants more though.....whew

two boys n a girl

minjae, 12, a charmer like his dad, looks exactly like him

rowdy, loud and yells all the time

loves football and is naturally good at most sports

when he went to a cafe with his dad he ordered for his dad and when the barista gave him a confused look when he ordered a double shot dark roast ice americano he said

“i’m not young i’m just really short” making seungcheol who stood five steps behind his son bust out in laughter

chorong, 10, a tomboy who idolized her older brother and wants to do everything he does, she also plays football

her focus is worse than her brothers though so she always finds herself doing other stuff while pretending to play keeper

but don’t tell him that bc she doesn’t want him to know

she’s a very independent woman and gets very agitated when someone tries to help her with what she’s doing

taeoh, 6 BUT HE’LL HAVE YOU KNOW HES 6 AND A HALF actually

a total mamas boy and seungcheol will never admit how jealous that makes him

taeoh is a calm soul and tends to be a little shy

enjoys nature and animals n prefers playing with sticks and rocks over plastic toys

seungcheol is a stressed out parent....kinda like a stereotypical movie soccer mom

stressing over the shopping list at the grocery store n you just have to take a hold of his forearm to tell him that it doesn’t matter if you get taeoh red or yellow socks for his school talent show next week because taeoh is 6 and he doesn’t care

loves his kids more than anything in the world and is extremely supportive and encouraging

isn’t very strict but does have house rules, chores and routines and treats every one of his children with respect and love

almost never gets angry or worked up....only when the kids fight or hurt each other will he slightly raise his voice to assert his authority

but always ends his lectures with an i love you and a big hug

the “that’s my kid!!” type of dad

so so proud of his clumsy, messy and comical children

cheered for chorong when she did a handstand in the goal in the middle of a match

the rest are under the cut...

jeonghan:

“two” children

a two year old son

and another on the way

you don’t know the gender yet but!!! he’s very excited to meet his second child (it’s also a boy shhh it’s a secret)

his son is named haneul and he turned two on the 3rd of may

jeonghan calls him hannie though, passing on his own nickname to his son heheheh

he’s a smart kid

jeonghan taught him all the colors and is very proud of that

when jeonghans mom comes over jeonghan will always pester his son to get him to say all the colors

“what color is this, hannie?” he would ask, pointing to the emerald green mat on the floor with an exited voice

haneul would just give him the stank eye and go back to playing with his wooden moomin figurines

a total daddy’s boy he loves his dad so so much and jeonghan rubs it in your face constantly

hannie co sleeps in your bed,,,,and lemme tell you....that lil boy is wild as fuk,.,.,.hes basically doing acrobatics in his sleep...ends up splayed across both you and jeonghan, cheeks squished into your chest and feet resting on jeonghans stomach

jeonghan is a more hands on parent, always keeping an eye or a hand on his boy at all times

anxious when haneul goes to daycare for the first time

a little over protective almost breathing down the child’s neck when he’s playing with his blocks on the floor

you have to tell him to calm down and give your kid some space to explore a little

calms down a little when the other child arrives bc he finally realizes that he won’t have time to protect his children from every potential booboo

still spoils his kids rotten and leaves it to you to be the strict and stern parent

he doesn’t tolerate any backtalk or attitude however and will discipline whoever it was that gave attitude right away

always reads bedtime stories, even when the children are almost teenagers and whine at him to just get out of their room already

joshua:

two daughters

elisabeth, age 9, her korean name is eunchae

elisabeth’s nickname is ella and both you and joshua never call her by her full name unless it’s to be assertive

ella is an artistic soul and loves to draw and paint, shes a little diva and wants everything her own way

but she’s a sweet girl down deep, clinging to her parents at every chance she gets

emelia, age 5, her korean name is eunbi

emelia has a lot of pet names, she’s the little sweetheart and always sucks up to her parents (josh loves it)

emelia is a little more shy than ella, and follows her sisters footsteps carefully

both the girls look exactly like him, the cat like mouth and the kind eyes copied from his body and onto their faces

both the girls have almost golden toned black hair if that makes sense....

joshua is a gentle parent, letting his girls do their thing while watching from a few steps

he loves exploring with his girls and taking them to parks and zoos and botanical gardens to teach them different animals and insects and flowers

the girls really like superheroes and they will make their dad play avengers with them on the suspension bridge on the playground

he will always have to be hulk and his girls will be captain marvel and groot

is a loving and sensitive father who is very open and emotionally available to his girls

has set house rules, bed times and is very respectful when asserting authority

never raises his voice to his children but guides them with an impeccable patience

the girls have their own bedroom but they often end up in your bed during the night...emelia frequents your bedroom most though

has hearts in his eyes when he watches his kids do anything

that adoring soft smile that makes the edges of his eyes turn up covering his face

jun:

one son

4 year old chaohua......english name...joshua

(yes joshua cried when he found out)

chao may only be 4 but he’s already as handsome as his dad

he’s the most adorable child ever

the kindest soul to ever walk the earth

he loves cuddling and would be content for a good hour just curled up in the corner of the sofa with one of his parents or uncles

he’s already lost his one front tooth and is very proud of it

likes watching cartoons!! especially old pokémon episodes

jun’s so loves animals...all animals,,,and when he found out meat cane from animals he refused to eat it...so now i guess jun is a vegetarian bc of the puppy eyes chao gives him whenever it’s dinnertime

when walking anywhere with his son, jun has to stop every five minutes so that chao can pet a dog or talk to a bird that’s trotting along the sidewalk

the little boy squatting down with his hands around his knees to carefully speak to mr.dove....but mr.dove is clearly a city pigeon

also always nagging his dad for a cat

chao is very good at swimming and jun takes him to his swimming lesson every week without fail

jun is v supportive and sits on the benches along the wall to watch his son

isnt really scared for chao bc he knows his child is careful and smart

so let’s him do what he wants most of the time

jun convinced you to let chao co sleep with you and he still does that

you had to get a bigger bed but no one is complaining because chao is such a cuddle bug it’s a win for everyone

basically chao is just as kind and gentle and loving as his father

and chao being born made jun grow up a little...he’s still goofy happy junhui but he’s just 10 times more loving n doting....towards his child that is

wonwoo:

two sons

twins

taewoo and wonseok, both 5

both complete opposites but still a match made in heaven

wonseok is a carbon copy of wonwoo, even his personality

while taewoo is a carbon copy of just wonwoo’s face

wonseok is quiet, thoughtful, neat and incredibly smart while taewoo is rowdy, loud, messy and lot of fun

wonseok is braver than taewoo however and this way they balance each other out perfectly, one being the life of the party while the other evens out the energy levels a bit more

wonwoo loves his kids so much

his stoic and mysterious image being completely thrown away the second he hears one of them squeal out a loud DAD!!!! when he walks through the front door of your house

the twins are v often perched on either side of his hips, or clinging onto his back as best they can

they love their dad and thinks he’s the coolest person on the entire planet

beside from Captain America©️ maybe

wonwoo is a strict parent, expecting his sons to behave and treat each other with kindness.,,..,,.,,.,,...most of the time

they’re twins so ofc they get on each other’s nerves

wonwoo doesn’t mind a little fighting and crying from the boys....as long as they make up after

otherwise wonwoo would sit then down and have a discussion with the two of them

and bc of this the boys are extremely mature for their age,,,again.,,.,,...,,,most of the time

but they’re wonwoos greatest pride and he loves them so so much

wonwoo will often play board games with his sons,,,,sometimes he becomes a little too invested

taught wonseok how to play checkers and now he almost never gets peace from the little boy who’s constantly asking to play him again

taewoo just wants to play spider-man...which is basically wonwoo lifting the boy up and holding him up to the roof so he can pretend to walk on it...while screaming at the top of his lungs in happiness

he can’t handle bedtime though and so you and him always put them to bed together

soonyoung:

he’s been busy

he has a one year old boy....

and a 3 year old girl

and one on the way,,,,no one knows the gender yet shhhh (it’s another baby boy but i didn’t tell you that)

daehyun and hanbyul

he’s the biggest softest dad ever and cries at every first

cried when hanbyul said her first word...which was apple for some reason

cried at daehyuns f

cried at daehyuns first steps

cries when his child cries

keeps a list on the fridge of funny things his kids say

is super stoked and excited every time his kid learns a new thing, showing it off to every uncle one by one

is also completely on top and updated on what disney characters your daughter likes recently

knows exactly what stuffed animals his son likes and always knows what he needs when he starts fussing

he knows his kids so incredibly well its almost like he can read their minds

plays dress up with byul all the time, his favorite princess is elsa

you would often find him in the signature Dad™️ pose (the lying in the floor supporting yourself in your forearm) on hanbyuls bedroom floor with a tiny elsa costume on smiling like an idiot at your daughter who was explaining how to drink tea like a princess

a whole idiot for his kids, literally in love with them would do anything for them

spoils them rotten and makes sure theyre always happy, healthy and laughing

will never get tired of bouncing his son on his knee just to hear him laugh

his kids adore him just as much back

soonyoung almost has as much energy as his toddler daughter but will often go down as well at nap time

basically having kids with soonyoung is like raising and extra kid (him)

jihoon:

1 daughter

she’s just as badass as him

theyre best friends like actual best friends

she’s already turning into a little sassy savage princess

her name is youngsun (or just sun)

jihoon calls her sunnie or ms young

she’s currently 7 years old, and she has NO front teeth so she has an adorable lisp

she’s good friends with joshua’s girls

the little lady is very well behaved and always listens very well....jihoon likes to think this is bc he raised her to think for herself and respect and treat people like she wants to be treated herself

even though she’s jihoons daughter she is still a little cuddle bug and will savagely call her uncles out in their bull while resting her head on their chest

she’s very small, probably inheriting jihoon height lmao mingyu teases her adoringly by calling her teeny while she jokingly pouts up at her beanstalk uncle

jihoon treats his daughter like an equal, and bc of this they have a very special bond

jihoon and sun often discuss and exchange opinions on various subjects like adults and many people are impressed by how articulate and eloquent the young lady is

but she’s also a mischievous little lady and often pulls pranks on her parents or uncles,

hiding from them and scaring them when she thinks they aren’t looking and then running away with the loudest most adorable giggle leaving her toothless mouth

of course everyone just pretends they get scared but she doesn’t know that and thinks it’s the most hilarious thing

youngsun has a very strong bond with uncle mingyu and uncle seungkwan

the three of them often pairing up to scare jihoon while he’s working on something or spaced out in his own world

sometimes jihoon gives in and plays harry potter with his daughter, pretending to have dueling battles in the kitchen with chopsticks as wands

jihoon would be on the floor yelling out VINGARDIUM LEVIOSAAAAA

and you would be sat in the living room reading, laughing to yourself

you never in a million years pictured this would ever happen

basically jihoon is a very good dad and his daughter loves him,,,you could say she’s a daddy’s girl

292 notes · View notes

joshulator · 7 years

Text

down the river

“Based on the information given to us by your care provider, and what we’ve been shown these last few days, the Review Board has come to a decision.”

As far as hearings go, the BC Review Board’s small boardroom meetings were remarkably casual on most occasions. Josh had undergone hearings here before, but always with less fanfare; never the out-of-schedule nightmare he’s living now. The Review Board, comprised mostly of medical and legal professionals of varying familiarity, conducts the meetings as clinically as possible.

(Of course they do. They’re medical professionals; what else do they know?)

Emily, on the other hand, sits a few meters to Josh’s right in the small boardroom. Her presence isn’t unusual, but the role she’s playing is peculiar; she runs the show like it’s a court and she’s the prosecution inching him closer and closer to the noose. The effect of this is palpable: Josh’s shirt is sticky with sweat and it shows in the worried creases of his face.

“Previously, we saw fit that the defendant should be allowed access to the community, granted that he followed a number of conditions. In light of recent events, however, we believe that it would be best for him to serve the remainder of his sentence within a hospital.”

Josh isn’t able to process this immediately in the way it’s presented. It’s delicate, in both wording and delivery, given with a surgical precision intended not to upset. Josh’s psychiatrist is among the board, Mister Action Flick, and he’s got the face he has on whenever Josh is about to throw a fit.

Ultimately, it isn’t until the handcuffs come out that it sinks in: He’s fucked.

It takes three men to cuff him, one to each arm as the third locks his wrists together. The board calls for him to settle down, a command he barely registers and ultimately ignores. The men holding his arms, which Josh peripherally identifies as hospital workers, not true police or guards, don’t drop their grip as he’s restrained; instead, they make to shepherd him to the door and, presumably, to whatever asylum they have planned for him. These men, police or not, are bigger than him. He ceases struggling.

At the table opposite him, Emily stands with her lawyer, looking quietly victorious. Were it not for the air of the courtroom and the need for respect mandated by the review board, Josh could imagine her physically jumping for joy, leaping on top of the table and gloating: Did you really think you could win?

Did he? Did he ever think he had a shot in the dark, without the expensive lawyers and extensive public campaign of two years ago? The public sympathy the year before? The fact that he walked at all was a miracle; did he really think he could get away with it a third time?

Then he thinks: No, he hasn’t done anything this time—his crime is being an alcoholic, an affliction he picked up long before any prank, any death. Emily puppeteered this, and she did it better than he ever did; less gore and more legal rigmarole. After all this time, she came for the last of them.

Incensed, Josh spits at her, sitting prim and pretty: “Are you happy, you bloodsucker? My sisters weren’t good enough for you, so you had to take me out too?” The men attached to his arms restrain him as he tries to jerk his arms away, scowling.

Over the words of the boards, he adds, “Well, you got it, honey! They’re dead, and I’ll be lobotomized in a week. Maybe next time you can kill someone who actually did something to you.”

Emily looks like she wants to bite back a response, even with her lawyer putting their hand on her shoulder to hush her. After a moment, she shrugs it off and, between the sounds of the review board and her lawyer demanding that she stop, she takes a step closer. The space between them shrinks; it grows personal, even with the guards behind him and the lawyer behind her. Her face creases into a frown for a moment, and then, before he’s dragged away, breaks into a private, smug smile.

“Me? I’m just putting away the Washington that should’ve died on that mountain.”

After that, Emily’s lawyer pulls her back and Josh is dragged physically on, steaming.

Chris and Ashley sit further back, in the seats for friends and family (which are, of course, nearly vacant). On some level, seeing them comes with a feeling of pain: he worked hard to restore even a fraction of his image in these last two years, and judging from their presence, it worked. He’s certainly making a show of himself now, isn’t he? Chris look at him sympathetically; Ashley looks at her hands.

Vaira is absent. This realization hits him hard and rests rock-solid in his gut, stirs back up the bitter part of him that resides under his tongue. He thinks back on their last conversation and their mutual threats, and he knows: she ran, either to get out of town and back to London before he spilled the beans or to form a plan to silence him.

He knows: He’s spent a year working with a woman who watched and laughed while he fell out of step, who fled as soon as he was trampled. He had hinged his life and his future on her and detached himself from his friends, the ones still sitting in that room. All in order to work with her. A friendship. A partnership.

Josh laughs, an angry noise. The unhappy expressions on Chris and Ashley’s faces turn to that of unsettled anxiety, which only increases the noise. He’s still chuckling quietly when they manhandle him to the back of the board room.

Sitting there, quietly as a wraith, is Melinda Washington. Josh’s mother says nothing to him, and he is shocked silent when he sees her. She is thinner than she used to be, her hair greying without evidence of her obsessive touch-ups. She looks sadder, now. For the first time in who knows how long, Josh feels a pang of regret. She’s lost a husband, two daughters, and all that’s left for her is him.

Without speaking, he tries to tell her goodbye.

They pass her and leave.

— — —

The short trip through the office to the van is short and relatively quiet. Separated from Emily and the rest of them, his desire to struggle fades quickly and he deflates, allowing himself to be nearly dragged.

“You know, you don’t have to keep holding me. I’m not a fucking animal.”

Neither of them say anything, and they don’t let him go, but he likes to imagine the hold on his upper arms gets a little gentler. At the van, a third man steps out of the back and helps the others guide Josh inside. His original guards see him sitting pretty, speak with the other man out of earshot, and then leave. Josh’s last sight is of their backs turned before the van doors are closed off. Good riddance.

Rubbing his arms as best he can while cuffed—a job made easier by the fact that they aren’t traditional handcuffs, instead being two links connected by a short chain—Josh surveys the van. The other man, a scruffy-looking guy with maybe twenty pounds on Josh, sits on the bench across from him. Despite the fact that he’s wearing the same hospital uniform as the rest of them, this man looks a little raggedy. Josh wonders if he’s down on his luck or just a fucking slob. He winks at the man when his gaze lingers on Josh for a little too long for his taste, but he seems unperturbed.

Josh has been in a transport van, years ago; this one is shittier. Less secure. In some hospital vans, the entire back is built to feel more like a cage with two sets of doors, one securing whoever is inside and one for the actual back doors to the van. There’s no bars to this one keeping him contained, although he certainly feels like a prisoner regardless.

To Josh’s left is a wall with a grated window which allows him to see, with some difficulty, the people in the front seat. All he can see of the driver is the back of his head, which is sporting a rather fantastic bald spot. Tragic. The woman in the passenger seat’s high bun looks less ridiculous in comparison. Maybe if she sheared it off and slapped it on him they’d both look a bit less fucking idiotic, Josh thinks.

The messy man calls up to the driver that they’re ready to go, and Josh watches them pull away from the hospital, wringing his hands and feeling a mounting sense of doom.

He isn’t sure how long they’re driving for before one of them speaks to him. The stare of the man across from him has Josh sitting with his head ducked, forehead resting on his hands to try and curb his ever-increasing dread. When the woman in the bun finally addresses him, it takes him a moment to notice.

“Where ya headed, hun?” she asks, jokingly, in a thick Southern drawl. Josh laughs, bitterly, looking at his hands. It’s a few more moments of silence before he replies, mockingly, in an accent that’s intended to sound Minnesotan but lands closer to his native Canadian:

“It’s a beautiful day.”

If the woman is taken off-guard by this apparent non sequitur, she doesn’t show it. “Now, it doesn’t seem like you can see it too well from back there.”

“Guess not,” Josh replies.

The van falls back into strained silence for a moment, before the feeling of being watched forces Josh into speaking again.

“So, you’re a long way from home, huh?”

Before she answers, the woman’s head tilts thoughtfully. When she does, she finally turns to look at him, and in the same moment her voice changes: the cadence shifts, the tone deepens, her accent smooths itself out.

“Oh, love. You’ve got no idea.”

For the first time since his sentencing, Josh’s face lights up. Shock, disbelief, and joy all fight for shared custody of his facial features as he recognizes Vaira, disguise shed, and the realization breathes some life back into him.

A beat later, and he remembers: He threatened to expose her. The context of the discussion slips past his facilities as they lose the capacity for higher thinking. The blood drains from his face as he’s taken over by the need to get the FUCK out of there, skedaddle, BLOW THIS HOT DOG STAND.

Vaira seems to notice the change, because she manages to get out a “Hey—” before Josh has jumped to his feet. Before the Raggedy-Man Doll has the chance to get up, he kicks at the back door of the van, with little success. In his periphery, he registers that Vaira’s yelling at the driver—ordering the man to slow down—and suddenly the van is breaking, and Josh stumbles backwards against the grating separating the front seats from him.

The other man stands; Josh collects his footing. To the backdrop of Vaira’s shouting and his own pulse throbbing in his ears, Josh jukes around the other man and throws his weight, hard, against the metal doors of the van.

Suddenly, the sight of the interior of the van is replaced, ever so briefly, of that of the sky; and then of the trees; and finally, overwhelmingly, that of the road as he makes contact with it. The explosion of pain through his shoulder as he lands squarely on it gets little time to be appreciated as he keeps tumbling, coming to a stop on his back with what has to be a fantastic concussion and several hellish cases of road rash. Not that he’s really in a position to be able to tell.

After some time, the amount of which is honestly indeterminable to him by now, the glare of the sky above him is broken up by the silhouette of Vaira standing over him, unarmed and looking exasperated.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

That’s a good question. If he could take her in a fight before, he certainly couldn’t now. From what he can tell, he isn’t in a position to stand up on his own.

“T… Trying not to get killed and, uh, and failing spectacularly, I guess.”

Vaira sighs, kneeling down seemingly to make sure he isn’t in danger of dying. She’s not a doctor, but after wiping the grit out of some of his nastier scrapes and checking him over she seems content that moving him won’t result in him being paralyzed forever. She waves over the men as she responds.

“No, you idiot. I’m not killing you, I’m taking you home.”

Ordinarily, he would have doubted this, seeing as though he did threaten to tattle on her to her sister and New York at large. As he lays there, however, he notices she’s entirely unarmed, which is reassuring. He’s seen or heard wind of a few of her rodeos, and the girl loves her guns.

Josh allows the men to gingerly help him to his feet; a task he’s not really able to do right now on his own, seeing as though his hands are bound and there’s an excruciating pain in his shoulder when he moves his arm. Once he’s standing, he takes the effort to feel around his shoulder for the damage, a movement that is accompanied by a grotesque grinding noise. Something —his collarbone?—is very broken indeed.

She watches his self-examination, concern melting into fatigue. “You’ve really complicated this, you know. This was intended to be the part where we stage your dramatic escape, choking out our dear friend here on your way out, but I really doubt you’re up for that right about now.” She shrugs when he pauses to shoot her a glance. “Well, I would do it, but I’m not exactly the one handcuffed here, am I? Shame on me for not planning on you crippling yourself.”

“Maybe a heads up next time, then, instead of whatever the fuck that was.”

“The con’s less real if you’re in on it, honey,” Vaira scoffs, “And you’re a shoddy actor under stress.”

“And you, uh— you can tell that from, what, Skype arguments? I feel, I feel like I know a few people who might argue.”

“And as much as I would just love to hear their outlined points, we’re on of a bit of a schedule here! So if you could get to the point, that would be lovely.”

“Point is, pussy, I can fucking choke out a dude with a broken arm,” he scowls.

Vaira’s eyebrows arch upwards. “Then prove it, Dicaprio.”

Directing his attention from the argument at hand to the men—both of which are now standing uncertainly, watching—Josh takes pause. He’s certainly physically capable of strangling someone, but he sure doesn’t know these men.

She reads his hesitation: “They know what they signed up for, love. I’m paying them well.”

It takes only a moment from there for him to ready himself. Indicating that the man who had been in the back of the van with him should follow along, Josh staggers back to the vehicle. The man has to give him a boost up and into the interior, which is embarrassing to a part of him resting in the back of his mind, but after a few moments they’re both where they would have been.

“Alright. Uh, hold your breath?”

Josh has to have Mr. Slob Thomas sit and use the height advantage to actually raise his arms high enough to choke him out. He pauses, and not because of the pain, but steels himself: They know what they signed up for. He’s done this before, on people who didn’t know it was coming. He’s done it on someone who did. The only difference is that, this time, he’s not wearing a mask: it’s just him.

He knows how much time it takes for someone to pass out, and goes just shy of the mark. Enough to leave bruises— on the other man, of course, but also thick welts on his wrists, which scream out in tandem with his shoulder.

When it’s over, he sits down with a huff and pats the man’s back as both of them catch their breath. Vaira whistles through her teeth.

“We should probably get going, if you’re done hurting yourself. This little staging has taken a bit longer than I thought it might.”

A few gasps of air, and Josh stands back up. This time, it’s Vaira who helps him out, and she indicates the forest beside them. “It’s just a bit of a jog through here. Once we’re close to the other side, we can take care of you.”

They take one last glance back at the van before they go: the men are already setting up some scene that Vaira must have planned with them beforehand. Her final goodbye is jovial:

“Thanks for your compliance, gents! Au revoir!”

It feels enough to Josh. With it, the two of them turn and enter the woods.

— — —

“Before we do this, I need you to answer something.”

At the end of their trek, or what seemed close to it, Vaira confidently led the two of them to a site she’d apparently planned for the occasion. The marker was a tree that had been, at some point, split, resulting in a hollow depression when it healed. From the looks of it, something had grown or lived there– certainly, something organic remained. Inside, Vaira had taken the time to hide a backpack; a shabby thing that looked like any hiker might have lost. Taking off the worker’s jumpsuit she had somehow acquired, she was dressed in street clothes underneath. Before shoving it inside the backpack, she pulled out a pair of bolt cutters, and began to give him her offer.

“If we leave here, I’m going to be taking you with me to New York. Obviously, you can’t tell anyone that you’re with me, or how you escaped.”

Josh nods in understanding, but she stops him.

“More importantly, you won’t be able to come back here ever again. You have to leave it behind, forever. There’s no visiting Mum or Dad or your other friends if you go with me. And I mean that.”

Now, he hesitates, and she adds: “We’re not at the point of no return yet. You can still go back, say you panicked, tried to escape, and thought better of it. I can’t say that your situation won’t get worse because of it, but it’s an option you have.”

It begs the question: Stay or go?

When Josh thinks of home, it’s Vancouver. He spent most of his late life in Los Angeles, of course, after his father rose to brief prominence and decided to stay there full-time, but it felt like an extended vacation. The friendships he’d made in high school were lost long ago in the shadow of the mountain.

So, Vancouver. The memories he cherished of the city weren’t that of the last few years of his life, alone in a house meant to last him the college years he never finished; meant for three. They’re younger— his childhood, before even the worst of his episodes, just a child with his sisters, his parents, and his friends.

Chris and Ashley, despite everything, attended his sentencing and testified in his favor. Even his mother saw him off. For a moment, Josh can’t fathom writing these people in his life off, especially now that the number is a fraction of what it used to be.

The other side, however, is both Vaira and his freedom; a freedom not guaranteed by his imminent incarceration, alone in an institution where by no means should anyone ever bother to visit him. Vaira’s side is atonement, a goal he’s spent the last year dangling over his head like a carrot keeping him alive. Through Vaira’s work, he knows, he can finally put this behind him.

An institution is a nice thought, but it won’t help him. His face hardens; he reaches a resolution.

“Do it.”

She cuts the chain.

— — —

One taxi ride later and the two of them arrive at an out-of-the-way gas station. Josh walks around the back to wash the blood from the cuffs off of his wrists and from the road off of his face before tying a jacket Vaira had stowed away into a makeshift sling. It’ll hold up until she can dig up someone to check it out, he figures.

The gas station is shitty, but that was probably the point of choosing it. Vaira’s scoping out the shitty first aid section when Josh walks in and from what he sees, it consists mostly of band-aids and Bactine. He supposes that could work for the road rash.

While she frowns in that aisle, Josh makes his way to the back and grabs a Coke and a bottle of aspirin. On his way to the counter, he pauses and grabs an ugly ball cap from a rack—the Giants, he notes with a vague displeasure, not that he even watches sports—and adds it to his small pile.

The attendant, a younger kid who could very well still be in high school, looks dubiously at Josh’s injuries and makeshift sling.

“Car accident,” Josh supplies helpfully.

Vaira walks up behind Josh, tossing some generic antibacterial ointment onto the pile. She slides the attendant a ‘hundo and gives him a pointed look.

“Uh– yeah. Is that all?”

Josh taps his chin in thought.

“Do you have any Reds?”

After the gas station, Vaira calls up another taxi. She directs the driver in a different direction from before. Josh looks at the label on his newly-bought aspirin for all of half of a second before popping off the lid and downing some like a shot. It takes him a few seconds to get it down, even with a Coke chaser.

Vaira watches, dubious. “Could you wait until we’re home to kill yourself, please?”

He shoots her a sorrowful look. “Me? Never. Just taking the edge off, babe.”

“It’s a shame this date of ours got a bit twisted,” she replies, mock rueful. “I’d just hate for you to die and let all of this planning of mine go to waste.”

He fishes the antibacterial ointment out of the shitty plastic gas station bag and opens it in front of her, rubbing it melodramatically into a scrape on his forehead. “Aftercare is the most important part, you know.”

She barks a laugh, smirking. “Easy, cowboy. Save it for later.”

Josh isn’t sure how long it takes, but Vaira finally stops the driver and the two of them step out onto an empty street. He pulls the ball cap further down his face, regardless, paranoia creeping in through the silence. She sets off confidently– again, in the opposite direction– and Josh follows her, falling into a terse silence.

It’s some twenty minutes that they walk before Vaira stops them in front of an open storage complex. She tells him to wait out front while she enters, and he obliges her, despite the vague anxiety gnawing at him. He smokes one of the Reds.

When she returns, another ten minutes gone, Josh has already burned through one and is on his second, which he reluctantly drops and grinds underfoot. What a crime to add to his tally, he thinks— littering.

The end of the journey finds Joshua being led into a medium-sized storage unit full of his worldly possessions. Standing in the doorway, jaw agape, Josh looks around at the neatly stacked boxes and furniture: most of it is from the back rooms, from the looks of it, which held things he couldn’t bring himself to dispose of. Things from school, mostly, and from old film shit he’d taken part of while he was still the so-called prodigal son. In the back, behind a carefully-built divider, he thinks he makes out the items from his garage. His sister’s things.

Vaira gives him a few moments to take it in before speaking.

“Sorry, love. It didn’t seem like it was going your way, so I relocated your things in preparation. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Josh hovers closer to a nearby box, stacked with items from what used to be his office. Near the top is a family photo—Beth had won something at school, he’d had his head too far up his own ass at the time to really care about what—and in celebration they’d all gone out to some ice cream parlor. He’s crammed in the corner of a booth, arm around the back to make extra room for his sisters shoved in beside him. Beth’s making a face at the camera. Hannah’s holding onto her twin’s arm and positively beaming. Josh smiles around a straw. It’s the only photo of them he hadn’t hidden out of sight.

“The rest of it is in New York. I rented out the apartment next to mine, and it’s all yours. Maybe I won’t even make you pay rent.”

A snort of a laugh, and she guides him towards the back. Just out of sight from the entrance is the pad she showed him how to make, plugged in and humming softly in the corner. Beckoning him home.

Tuned into his continued silence, Vaira speaks up again. “You’re awfully quiet. Is everything alright in there?“

He doesn’t laugh this time, although his mouth plays upward into a smile. “I… I, uh, yeah. I’m good.” Playing with a fabric hanging out of a nearby box, he continues, “I’m just… yeah. I appreciate you doing… all this. Not just busting me out, but, like…” He gestures to the storage around them. “Hell, I kind of expected them to take this shit out to the dumpster if, I was, um— if I went to the hospital.”

"Oh lamb, don’t worry about it too much. You’d do the same in my place, yeah? If you were as brilliant as I am, at least.” She chuckles. “But seriously, you and I are a team. Despite certain recent disputes, I wouldn’t leave you out to dry like that.”

The silence stretches on for a beat before Josh sighs and seems to deflate. “Right. Anyway, just… thanks. A lot.”

Vaira replies: “So? What do you say? Would you like to go home?”

With a final goodbye of a glance at the belongings around him, he nods. They step on the pad and go.

#dhaturra #hey guys its been 2 months but i finally wrote this #i might change the uhhhh segments to be more clearly defined since its long #(if its not clear this happened 2 months ago)#ummm.... ya!#hospital mention //#violence //#strangulation //#blood //#mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i dunno #car accidents // ??#lol #paranoia // lol #smoking //#gendered slurs //#also feat.#proprada #ashliterary #90sapp

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rileysluke · 7 years

Text

can i be him ✗ part six

A/N: hey guys! this was supposed to be posted a wHILE ago but here i am forever delaying everything. this chapter is pretty long & a LOT of shit goes down in here. i hope you guys enjoyed it & hate james as much as i do! if there are any mistakes in here, please do let me know bc i felt like i’ve read this over 19843 times and can’t tell at this point lol Words: 5,332 words Previous chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

As each day grew closer to Maya's Christmas Party, Lucas grew more anxious. He kept thinking about Riley and how he was doing an injustice to her by not telling her about James. He was sure that James would be at the party, clearly bound to run into him at some point after their little meeting at the pub.

Thankfully the week had been slow in regards to fires and accidents so the team wasn't needed as much as they usually are which gave him time to shop for Christmas. As much he detested shopping (online shopping was just so much easier), he had no choice but bear with the horrendous idea of holiday gift shopping.

Whenever he walked into any store, Riley came to mind. He was in the middle of a heated debate with himself, wondering if he should get her anything for Christmas and if it would be deemed inappropriate considering she was in a relationship. But when he spotted a necklace, so simple yet beautiful, he couldn’t think of anyone else adorning it except for her. Her dimply smile and twinkling eyes come to mind and he couldn’t help but letting his lips curl into a small grin at the thought. Regardless of James being who he was for her, he found himself purchasing it for her anyways.

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

“So, James and Lucas under one roof, hm?” Maya begins, a light smirk tugging at the ends of her lips.

The three girls were in the middle of decorating Maya’s apartment for the Christmas party which was only less than 24 hours away. If it wasn’t for Riley’s pestering and desire to decorate, the blonde probably would’ve continued procrastinating.

“Yes, so? I thought they’d be able to get along,” Riley explains as a matter-of-factly, dropping the box of fake snow.

Isadora and Maya stop what they’re doing and look at each other before breaking into laughter, finding their friend’s comment incredibly hilarious.

Just then, Josh walked in through the front door of the apartment, “Hey girls. What’s going on?”

“We’re just vicariously living through Riley’s exciting love life,” Maya explains, playfully shooting him a implicative look.

Josh rolls his eyes as he holds back a grin, “While you do that, I’m gonna take a nap.” He gives the girls a quick wave before making his way into his room.

Maya sticks her tongue out at him as he walks away while her friends smile at their silliness. Once the door clicks shut, she lets her shoulders slump and lets out a frustrated groan. “That man is making me crazy!” She whisper shouts as she throws her hands in the air.

When noticing the exaggeration in her behavior, Isadora looks at her with her brows quirked. “You guys have clearly been rubbing off on each other,” She points out.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” Riley says, grinning proudly as she side-hugs her shorter friend.

“Right?” Maya grins, hugging her back. “Speaking of bad, I’ll be right back.” With that, she scurried into her bedroom, closing the door shut behind her.

Isadora and Riley look at each other with distorted features, very much aware what was probably happening behind closed doors.

“I don’t think I can ever get used to that,” Riley says with a shake of her head making the other girl laugh.

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

It’s finally the day of the oh-so-anticipated Christmas Party at Maya and Josh’s apartment. The girls had finally stopped procrastinating and decorated the entire place with Christmas related decor-- everything from twinkling lights to mistletoes.

It had been fifteen minutes since Riley had arrived with James. She wore a beige off-the-shoulder dress with laced sleeves, flaring out above her knees to give it a flow-y feel. Though she was standing besides her boyfriend, her eyes kept searching for her a certain pair of emerald green eyes to meet her yearning ones. When she met Maya’s piercing blue ones who was currently signaling her to come over, she tells James she’d be back in a bit before heading off in her direction.

“So, you excited?” Maya asks, a small smirk playing across her lips.

“Uh, for what?”

“Um, for your hunky fireman?”

“Shh!” Riley’s eyes widen as she looks around to see if anyone heard her. “Are you crazy?”

“Do we really wanna go there right now?”

“You realize I’m still with James, right?”

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Maya, please,” Riley pleads, almost wishing she had never told her about Lucas.

“Okay, fine. I’m just saying, it’s so obvious you find him attractive.”

“Yeah, but who doesn’t? Don’t you?”

Maya looks bewildered by her question, “Uh, no. I have Josh.”

Riley takes a deep breath before sighing inwardly. “Whatever I feel for Lucas, will go away. James has been great, I have no reason to walk away from him when he’s making me so happy right now.”

The blonde nods thoughtfully, though she knew this would all come tumbling down when James broke out of the little façade he had going on. A small grin tugs at the ends of her lips when she sees Josh open the door, letting Lucas and and Zay walk in through the front door. “You wanna say that again?”

Riley follows Maya’s gaze, turning to look over her shoulder. Her almond colored hues meet Lucas’ green ones and she totally ignores the way her chest tightens.

There’s a hint of a smile playing across his lips when he spots her, and she couldn’t help but smile slowly. When she realizes what she’s doing, she whips her head back to face Maya, “I need a drink. Or ten.”

After pouring herself a half-glass of white wine, she takes a long sip. “Why do I feel like I brought my mistress to this thing?”

A laugh escapes the blonde’s lips, “You’re not doing anything wrong, okay? Just relax. C’mon, let’s go say hi.”

The two girls make their way over the trio who seemed to be laughing amongst themselves.

“Hey guys, what’s going on here?”

Josh slips his arm around her shoulders, “Well, Mr.Archibald was just telling me about how you guys met.”

Riley’s mouth falls open as she turns to look at a chuckling Lucas, “I thought you wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“It wasn’t me! It was Zay.”

Zay smiles cheekily as he nods in affirmation. “Not even gonna lie, it was me.”

“And here I thought we were friends,” Riley pretends to be upset as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

“We are, biscuit. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Don’t be too mad at me, now.”

Smiling, she rolls her eyes. “I’ll try not to, Zay. I’m glad you guys could make it,” She says, her gaze flickering to Lucas who was already looking at her.

“We wouldn’t have missed it. Thanks for inviting us,” Lucas says with a small grin.

Riley’s about to respond until she hears James call her name. She glances back at her boyfriend to acknowledge him before turning back to look at the two men. “Oh, which reminds me. I wanted to introduce you guys to my boyfriend.”

When she turns on her heel, Zay and Lucas share stern looks which definitely did not go unnoticed by Maya. Nonetheless, they follow the brunette to the awaiting arms of her boyfriend.

James drops a kiss on Riley’s cheek when she reaches him, his arm slipping around her slim waist. “Who were you...?”

She smiles up at him, turning in his arm to face the others. And before he could even ask her what she was up to, she speaks up. “I wanted to introduce you the people who basically saved my life a few weeks ago.”

James loses all color in his face, his smile faltering at the sight of the two men.

“James,” Lucas greets with a slight nod.

“Oh hey James,” Zay greets with a bit more pep in his voice than his friend. “What a surprise to see you here.”

“Lucas, Zay. Long time no see.”

Riley looks at Josh and Maya who seem just as surprised as she does by this revelation. Her gaze flickers between the three men, unsure of how to even word her emotions. “Uh, you guys know each other?” She asks, her brows furrowing slightly when she feels James tense beside her.

“We go way back, don’t we James?” Lucas asks, smiling tightly.

“Yeah. We were on the same team a few years ago.”

“… As in, you were a firefighter?” Riley looks at him, clearly surprised by the news. “How come you never told me?”

“It’s not that important,” James attempts to push the matter off.

“What do you mean, man? You used to save lives for a living,” Zay points out.

James glowers at him briefly, before taking a quick moment to compose himself. “Yeah, well it’s in the past now.”

There was undeniable tension between the three and Riley felt like she was suffocating. With the way James was acting, it seemed like he was hiding something and she had no idea why. Not once had he mentioned anything about his past. With that thought in mind, she took tipped the entire glass of wine into her mouth and downed the entire glass. “Let’s get a drink?” She asks Maya breathlessly, wincing slightly at the bittersweet taste lingering on her tongue.

Maya nods silently, taking her best friend’s hand and leading her over to Farkle and Isadora who were standing by the makeshift bar.

“I have my eyes on you,” Josh tells James, making sure to put it out there that his evasiveness on the subject put him in a compromising position.

Once Josh leaves to tend to a few of the other guests, James shoots Lucas and Zay daggers.

“What the hell is wrong with you guys?” He spits out.

“You’re cheating on Riley—“ Lucas begins but when James shushes him, he halts in the midst of his sentence and raises a brow.

“No I am not. I ended it with that other girl, alright?”

“Why do I find that hard to believe?” Zay asks, raising a brow.

“I don’t have to prove anything to you guys. Just keep your goddamn mouths shut, alright?” James raises his brows, looking at both of them.

“And if we don’t?” Lucas challenges him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I might just think you like my girlfriend more than you should. Stay the fuck away,” James tells him before walking in the opposite direction.

Lucas clenches his jaw and is about to go after him until Zay stops him.

“Yo, it ain’t worth it. Let’s get a drink.”

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

The group of friends watched the silent exchange of words from afar and Riley was almost positive she was going to have a heart attack.

“Do you have some sort of fetish?” Farkle asks, brows furrowed as if he’s trying to figure out some scientific equation.

“What?!” Riley blurts, clearly weirded out by the question.

“Well I suppose he says this because James was a firefighter and now Lucas is a firefighter so there must be some sort of correlation,” Isadora explains.

“… No, I don’t have a fetish,” Riley deadpans, pulling a stray curl behind her ear. “What am I supposed to do now? I feel like James is hiding something from me. Why wouldn’t he tell me that?”

“Well to tell you the truth Riles, none of us like him all that much. So we wouldn’t be surprised if he was hiding something from you,” Maya tells her.

“I have a bad feeling about tonight and it’s only been like an hour,” Riley tells them solemnly, pouring herself another glass of wine. “I’m gonna go find James.”

While Riley was with James, Maya scanned the room for the other two firefighters. When she does, she signals towards them. “Let’s go find out what James is hiding.”

Grabbing two bottles of beer, the small group of friends head towards Lucas and Zay who were whispering amongst themselves.

“Are we being ambushed?” Zay asks, when he spots them walking over.

Farkle offers them the bottle of beers. “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Farkle. Isadora’s husband and a friend of Riley’s.”

“We figured. I’m Zay and this is Lucas.”

“So, I’m assuming you guys are here to know more about James?” Lucas asks, raising a brow in Maya’s direction since she was the only one there.

“Wow, you’re smart for a fireman,” She tells him.

“What a double standard!” Zay exclaims before taking a swig of his beer.

“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s our place to tell. But, I’m not really fond of the guy.”

“Is it because you have feelings for my best friend or he’s a douchebag?”

As soon as the words slip past her lips, Lucas almost chokes mid-swig. Coughing into his fist, he blinks a few times, bringing himself back to reality. “I’m sorry, what?” He rasps.

“You heard me, Fire….boy,” Maya says lamely, taking a sip of her wine defiantly.

Lucas pauses for a moment, his eyes flickering over in Riley’s direction who was currently with James, her hand resting on his cheek as if trying to console him. With a sigh, he takes a gulp of the beer before responding. “I guess you can say both.”

Maya’s eyes light up as she looks at Isadora who looks as equally as thrilled about this. “I knew it!”

“Are you going to tell us about why you hate James?”

“James, Lucas, and I were on the same team. He was a firefighter too but he got kicked off the team when he was caught sleeping with the chief’s wife.”

The three were stunned into silence, not expecting that.

“No wonder he doesn’t want Riley to know,” Farkle notes, shaking his head.

“He already has such a horrible track record that this just proves how horrible he truly is,” Isadora says with a small sigh.

“Trust me, we know,” Lucas says dryly before taking another swig of his beer.

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

“Babe, just talk to me. What happened back there?” Riley asks, resting her hand on his cheek.

He sighs, “Nothing. It’s just we don’t get along.”

“Why?”

James takes a moment to himself before meeting her concerned gaze. “I didn’t wanna tell you this but… Lucas was sleeping with the chief’s wife and when I caught him—I confronted him about it. But he turned on me and spread some rumor about me sleeping with his wife and I ended up getting kicked off the team.”

Riley’s hand slips from his face as she could feel her heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach, “W-What?”

“Yeah. That’s why I didn’t wanna tell you… It was a bad time in my life,” He says, letting his head fall into his hands.

Her heart was hammering against her chest, a deep frown tugging at the ends of her lips. When her gaze flickers across the room to look at the man in question, she couldn’t help but feel as if something was off.

Lifting his head, he looks at her. “I want you to stay away from him. He’s bad news.”

When James speaks up again, she quickly averts her gaze. “Are you sure that’s what happened?”

“You don’t believe me?” He raises a brow, clearly offended.

“I’m just saying.. Maybe there was some sort of miscommunication. Lucas doesn’t seem like the type to do something like that.”

“How long have you even known this kid for? And you’re going to take his side over mine?”

“I’m not taking sides, James! I’m just saying, from what I know-- I don’t think he would do that.”

“And so what, you fucking think I would?” He snaps, looking at her incredulously.

“James,” She chides, taken aback by how quickly he became angry over this.

“What, Riley? How do you want me to act right now? You barely know this guy. I’m opening up to you about my past and you’re not even gonna believe me? I’m your fucking boyfriend, not him!” He retorts before rising from the couch.

“I didn’t even say that--” When she sees him get up, she follows suit. “Where are you going?” She asks, reaching out for him.

“I need some air,” He states, ignoring her touch as he storms out onto the balcony.

She wasn’t sure if the alcohol had heightened her senses but as soon as he left the apartment, she felt like bursting into tears. Closing her eyes, she takes in a deep sigh in attempt to compose her overwhelming emotions.

When she feels a hand rest on her shoulder, she jumps in surprise. Blinking away any sign of tears, she turns around to find Josh standing there. “Oh, hey.”

“Are you okay? What the hell just happened?”

“You saw that?” She laughs dryly, shaking her head.

“Did you think I wasn’t going to keep an eye out for you? You’re my niece, Riles.” He wraps his arm around her, pulling her in for a hug. “What the hell did he say?”

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

“What’s going on over there?” Zay points out, signaling towards Josh and Riley.

When Maya sees the two, her brows furrow in worry. “I’ll find out.” Making her way over to the two, she quickly scans the apartment to see where James had gone. On her way over, she notices a phone on the side table pushed against the wall. There was a picture of Riley and James on the background so she figured it was her friend’s phone. Grabbing it for her, she continues to make her way over. “Is everything okay?”

The two pull away and Riley just shrugs. “I don’t know? James just said something really weird and... I didn’t know whether to believe him or not.”

“What was it?”

“... He said Lucas framed him for sleeping with the chief’s wife even though it was actually Lucas who slept with her,” She reveals tentatively, the words sounding strange on her own tongue.

Maya looks at Josh and then at Riley before letting out a laugh, “Oh my God. I’m gonna kill him-- Riles, he’s lying to you.”

“What...?”

“Lucas and Zay just told us how James was kicked off the team because he was the one who slept with the chief’s wife.”

Riley felt like her head was going to explode, “... They told you that?”

“Yes, honey. They did. Even though I haven’t known those two for that long, I’d believe them over James any day.”

“Why would he lie to me though?”

As if on cue, the phone in Maya’s hands began to ring and so she offers it to Riley. “You left your phone back there by the way.”

“That’s not mine. That’s James’ phone,” She tells her, taking it from her friend’s hands. When she notices the familiar girl’s name flashing on the screen like it has so many times before this, she does the unthinkable and picks it up this time.

“Babe, when are you leaving that girl’s party and coming over? You said you’d only be going be at that stupid thing for an hour and it’s been much longer.”

“I’m sorry, who is this?” Riley asks, her heart hammering against her chest. There’s a moment of silence on the other line before a condescending laugh is heard.

“Oh, you must be Riley. I guess there’s no better time like now-- I’m Lexie. James hasn’t told you this but he’s been cheating on you with me for like... ever. I should also tell you that I’m pregnant with his kid. I honestly have been waiting for him to end it with you and honestly don’t feel like waiting till New Year’s for this shit to happen. So how about you disappear, thanks. Also, you can go through our texts if you don’t believe me.”

Before she’s even able to say anything, ‘Lexie’ hangs up on her. Within seconds, she’s texting James’ phone with pictures of her. So of course, Riley opens up the chat to see multiple pictures of James kissing some blonde.

When she notice Riley’s hands are shaking, Maya grabs her hands. “Riles, who was that? What happen?”

“Riles, are you okay?” Josh asks before leaning over to see what she saw on his phone. Clenching his fists at the sight, he shook his head. “He’s dead.”

Without saying anything, her grip on her phone tightens and she strides towards the open doors of the balcony. Once she makes her way outside, she closes the doors shut for some privacy.

As soon as the group of friends see Riley go outside, they go over to Maya and Josh to find out what happen.

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

“James. We need to talk,” She says, doing her best to remain as composed as possible.

There were a few empty beer bottles beside him so it was safe to say that he could be drunk. But she didn’t care, she was done having him disrespect her to the extent that he had.

“Y-yeah... We definitely need to talk,” He begins, turning to look at her. “About the way I acted in there.. I’m sorry, R-Riley... I just-- I just wish you trusted me... He’s the one who’s wrong...”

“I’m not here to talk about that. Were you ever gonna tell me about Lexie?” She asks, lifting his phone to show him a picture of them kissing in bed.

He straightens slightly, as if the name had sobered him. “What?”

“The girl you’ve been cheating on me with called and I happened to pick up. She told me everything about how you’ve been cheating on me and how you got her pregnant. To prove her point, she even sent pictures of you guys in bed...” Her voice begins to break but she refuses to let herself break in front of him.

He grabs his phone to inspect the picture. “What are you talking about? This must be photoshopped or something... You’re doing this on purpose to ruin what we have!” He exclaims, stumbling over to her.

“Are you crazy? Why would I do this?”

“Who told you this bullshit, Lucas?”

“What does Lucas have to do with you cheating on me, James? Just admit what you did! There’s no point in lying so for once, just tell me the goddamn truth. Please. Don’t I deserve that much?”

“I didn’t cheat on you, Riley.”

Riley couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Out of all the ridiculous things she’d heard tonight, this must’ve been the worst. She laughs through her tears, shaking her head. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you.”

He makes his way over to her, grabbing her arms, rougher than usual. “Riley, you have to believe me. Lucas set me up-- he’s doing this on purpose because he has feelings for you.”

She scrunches her nose from the strong stench of alcohol exhuming off of him, her hands pushing against his chest to create some distance. “James, get off of me!”

“My love for you is real!” He slurs before sloppily pushing his lips against hers as if it was going to change the reality of their situation.

As if on cue, the doors pushed open and Lucas was striding over in their direction with Josh, Zay, and Farkle behind him.

“Thats it, James. You’re out of here,” Josh tells him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt, pulling him off of his niece in the process.

“We’re done. I want nothing to do with you. Please just leave,” She tells him, wiping her lips with the back of her hand to get rid of his alcohol that was lingering on his lips when he’d kissed her.

“Riley, please-- I’m being set up, here. Y-you have to believe me!” He says before Josh, Zay, and Farkle drag him out of the apartment.

As soon as they leave, Riley walks over to the railing. It’s not long before her emotions betray her and the tears escape her lashes and fall onto her cheeks.

Lucas watches the girl from a few feet away as her body shakes slightly, unsure of whether he should leave her alone or be there for her. But the thought of her being so torn over some idiot broke his heart and he couldn’t leave her out here. He walks over to her tentatively before gently resting his hand on her bare shoulder to turn him to her. Instead of saying anything, he just pulls her into his arms and let’s cry into his chest.

She knows its him. He’s always there when she was upset, consoling her in ways that James had never done. When his arms wrap around her frame, she couldn’t help but let herself come undone and cry her heart out.

————————————————— ❤ —————————————————

It’d been an hour since the entire ordeal and Riley spent most of it crying in Lucas’s arms. Even though his sweater was pretty much drenched in tears, he didn’t really care. Though he was sure the two were bound to get sick in this weather. But, he was just content with the fact that Riley felt safe enough to expose this kind of vulnerability in front of him.

The rest of their friends came in to check on her once she’d calmed down but she assured them she was okay and would rather stay out here for the time being and would return once she felt better. So, Maya simply threw a blanket over them so they’d stay somewhat warm. Besides, she didn’t want to be the reason why they didn’t enjoy their night.

The two were sitting in silence with only the sounds of Riley’s sniffling every few minutes.

“Lucas.”

His head turns at the sound of her soft voice. “Yes?”

“What happen between you and James?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I know it’s not my place to pry… But before the whole phone thing, he mentioned something about the chief’s wife…” She trails off hesitantly, trying to gauge his reaction.

His brows furrow slightly, “So he told you about what he did…?”

“Honestly, he told me something but I am more than positive that it was a complete lie. What happen with the Chief’s wife?”

“Well, when we were all on the team together… He was always known to be a flirt. And whenever she’d stop by, he’d do his thing. One night, there was a fire and the whole team was out. We came back to find them in one of the beds.. well, y’know.”

Riley couldn’t help but scoff at the excuse that James had come up with to deter her. Tears sprang to her eyes and she couldn’t understand why he’d go to such lengths to come up with such stupid lies. A shaky sigh rolls past her lips as she blinks the tears away.

“Do I even want to know what he said to you?”

“I don’t think so.”

Lucas turns to look at the distressed brunette, “Listen Riley. I’m sorry about James, you didn’t deserve that.”

“I feel so embarrassed,” She admits, letting her head hang slightly so her hair would fan out and hide her face. “He lied to my face multiple times and let him take advantage of me. I’m so stupid.”

He so badly wanted to go find James and teach him a lesson for hurting such an amazing girl like Riley like this. Tentatively, he reaches out to push her loose curls behind her ear. “Hey,” He calls out to her gently, garnering her attention. His thumb stroke over cheeks, wiping away her tears. “This is not your fault that James turned out to be an ass. You’re an amazing girl, Riley. You need to know that.”

“You’re just saying that, Lucas…” She trails off, shaking her head in disagreement. “If I was such an amazing girl would I get treated like this from a guy I’ve been in a relationship with more than two years?”

“Trust me,” He says with a chuckle because if only she knew how he really felt about her she wouldn’t think he was just saying that. “I’m not just saying that. You’re a good person and sometimes bad things happen to even the best of people. Take this as a blessing in disguise. You can do much better than him—someone who treats you like a princess. You are all that is pure in this world, Riley.”

The brunette meets his warm gaze, touched by the sincerity in his tone of voice. A small smile tugs at the ends up her lips, this one meeting her eyes. She already looks like a flushed mess and yet he manages to make her even more flustered. “You’re crazy,” She says lamely.

I’m crazy about you. He’s also smiling, secretly proud himself that he was able to make her smile. “I’m not kidding though.”

“Thanks for sitting out here with me, Lucas. You didn’t have to. Somehow you’re always around to pick up broken pieces that James leaves in his wake.” Her hand reaches out to grab his, her fingers curling around his larger ones, grateful for his presence. “It means a lot to me.”

He squeezes her fingers gently in reassurance, “I’ll always be here for you. Which reminds me, I have something for you.”

Her features twist adorably as she looks on confused, already missing the warmth of his hand on hers as he reaches into his pocket to pull out a small little box. “Should I be worried?”

A small laugh passes his lips, “No. Well, I hope not?” Suddenly he’s feeling nervous and wondering if this was the wrong moment to give her the gift—or the idea of giving her a gift at all. “Alright, well… I saw this the other day and you were the first person that came to mind.” He slowly opens the box as he keeps his eyes fixated on her.

Her heart is beating against her chest as she listens to him, her jaw dropping at the sight the necklace shining at her. “This is for me?” She breathes, her gaze flickering to meet his shyly.

He uses his free hand to rub the back of his neck nervously as a chuckle slips past his lips. “Well, yeah. Do you… like it?”

“It depends, will you help me put it on?”

After a moment of carefully taking the delicate necklace out of the box, he faces her with it as she turns her back on him, lifting fisting a handful of her hair and pulling it to the side. Inching closer, he loops the necklace around her neck. “How about now?”

Ignoring the heat that radiated from him being so close, she looks down at the gem sitting between her collar bones, shining brightly. She couldn’t help but grin at his thoughtfulness, “I love it.” Looking over her shoulder, she let’s a soft smile play across her lips. “Thank you, Lucas.”

Tilting his head slightly, he catches a glimpse of the necklace before his gaze meets hers. “I’m glad you like it.”

The two sit there for a moment, staring at each other, eyes gleaming with warmth and hearts in their throats. There’s a lingering tension between them and it’s painfully difficult to ignore.

When his gaze falters slightly to fall on her parted lips, it takes everything within her to not press her lips against his. When she notices the way he leans in ever-so-slightly, she knows she definitely won’t be stopping him.

#rucas #rucas au #rucas fic #can i be him #rucas fanfic

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gilbertandanne · 7 years

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Partition

A/N: Takes place two years before the events in ‘Crash Course’, so you don’t have to read it to understand what’s going on. I tried to interlace some plot points revealed in CC and it’s sequel, Infinite, but again, you don’t have to read them to understand what’s going on.

Song: ‘Partition’ by Queen B

Pairing: Rucas with brief mentions of J/M and F/S

Rated: M

Word Count: 14,221 (I still don’t know HOW it ended up this long)

Totally dedicating this one to @jenn0bi bc without her calling me out on not using this song (after I promised), this would never have been written. I *really* hope you like it, Jenn. <3

Maya groaned as she cradled her phone between her ear and her shoulder. She hated it when he made sense. The most annoying part of it was that her boyfriend always made sense—especially when it came to the subject of his niece. “It’s been two years,” she reasoned as she reached for her concealer.

“Yeah, but we both know that she’s different now. She’s not the same person she was in high school. She’s not the same person she was since they broke up.”

Maya cringed. She hated it when he used her words against her. “But it’s Farkle’s birthday.”

“I know. And I know she’ll be there and try to not let it affect her, but Maya, we still don’t know the whole story. We don’t know who broke up with who.”

“There are going to be a ton of people there,” she reasoned. “Maybe they won’t even cross paths? Maybe she’s doing better than we think she is? Maybe…maybe she is over it?” She looked down at the counter as she quickly debated on which eye shadow to use. “She has been dating around…and has gone on like four dates with this new guy.”

Josh frowned. “Really? Who is he?”

She frowned. Nothing she had was going to work with her dress. “Uhhh…Caleb, I think? I only met him once.”

“Is he coming tonight?”

She sighed. The good thing about living with her best friend was that she was welcome to borrow her things—including her makeup. “I think so. He’s friends with Farkle too. That’s how she met him.”

“Then maybe we only need to worry about Lucas?”

Maya scoffed. “You can worry about Lucas.”

“Come on, Maya. I know you still talk to him.”

“Maybe I do, but when it comes to break ups, us girls have to stick together.”

Riley took a deep breath as she examined her appearance. Was she actually going to do this? Was she going to willingly go somewhere she knew he would be? There were only two reasons that kept her from changing into her sweatpants and spending some much needed time with her Netflix: the first was because it was one of her best friends’ 21st birthdays and the second was because she had a date. That should be enough of a buffer, right? Surely, they won’t end up in a tangled heap on her bed, like every other time she’s seen him since he left for Texas two years ago?

Would that be so bad though? She had only ever been intimate with one person in her life, and that one person knew exactly where to touch her to send her to the peak of pleasure. He knew the deal just as well as she did. They agreed that it was only physical—that the feelings they once shared no longer existed.

Two years, and Riley Matthews lived happily in the land of denial.

But what about Caleb—her actual date for the evening? He was supposed to be her distraction, her way of forcing herself to move on from the toxic non-relationship relationship she found herself in with her ex-boyfriend. He was a nice guy. They got along great and had a lot in common. There was only one problem—he wasn’t Lucas.

“Stop it,” she growled at herself before she brushed her hair out of her eyes. No, Caleb wasn’t Lucas, but that didn’t mean that there couldn’t be something between them. It wasn’t fair to compare eight years of history to four dates, but she had very little else to compare it to. She never made it past the second date before, and with this guy, she had already doubled that landmark. She needed to see where this could go. She needed to end this cycle with Lucas.

She needed to move on.

//See me up in the club with fifty-eleven girls Posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill Brooklyn brim with my eyes sitting low Every boy in here with me got that smoke//

The lights were dimmed, the drinks flowed, and everyone was dressed to the nine’s. As soon as Riley stepped foot into the ballroom, she felt like she had walked straight into a Fitzgerald novel. His parents spared no expense to celebrate the first 21 years of their brilliant son’s life. There was a jazz band at the front of the room, an open bar along the back wall, and a massive dance floor in the middle of it all.

“Riley,” she heard the man of the hour call out to her.

She spun around as a warm smile graced her features. “Well, if it isn’t the birthday boy.” She opened her arms as she hugged one of her best friends in the world. “Happy Birthday, Farkle.”

“Thank you,” he smiled as he pulled back from her. “Where’s Maya?”

“She went to pick up Josh. You know her…fashionably late and always wanting to make an entrance.”

“So, they’re finally going public, huh?”

Riley nodded. “The real question is when did they actually start dating?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Farkle. She hasn’t dated anyone in the last two years. You can’t tell me they weren’t sneaking around.”

He wrinkled his nose. “You really think she’d do that?”

Riley glanced around the room. “Yeah. I mean…if she thought people would disapprove or condemn her for it…why wouldn’t she keep it a secret?”

He shook his head. “I can’t imagine doing anything like that. If I was with someone I cared about…someone I loved…I’d proclaim it from the balcony of this place.”

Riley gave him a half smile. ‘Of course you would,’ she lamented. “Where is Smackle?”

He turned around as he surveyed the ballroom. “Somewhere in the crowd,” he chuckled. “I want to thank you for coming tonight.”

She knit her eyebrows together. Why would he thank her for attending his party? “Thank me? It’s your birthday.”

He nodded. “I know, but I also know that you haven’t seen…you know…since he left for Texas.”

She slowly nodded before she released a deep breath. “Yeah. Well…that’s what the open bar is for, right?”

He frowned. “But you aren’t—“

She pinned him with a look. Was he really going to stop her from grabbing a few drinks? True, she still had about eight months to go until her own 21st, but this was a party. She was determined to celebrate with her friends. “Speaking of…is he…here yet?” While she tried to sound as nonchalant as she could, it felt like her heart had done a back flip.

Farkle glanced around the ballroom once more. “I’m not sure. I haven’t seen him.” He paused. “I thought Caleb was bringing you?”

“We thought it would be easier if we met up here. Kind of take some of the pressure off.”

Farkle nodded. “He’s a good guy, Riley.”

“I know,” she smiled.

Farkle watched her for a moment as her eyes lowered to the ground. He had no idea what happened between Riley and Lucas in Europe two years earlier, but whatever happened must have been really awful. Neither of them ever talked about it, and they always seemed to shut down at the mere mention of the other. To his knowledge, neither of them had yet to engage in another romantic relationship. “You don’t have to force it you know.” When her head snapped up, he gave her a small smile. “We just want you to be happy.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“The bar is open…no ID required, but if you do drink, please use the chauffeur service my parents set up in the lobby. Limousines for all my guests to get home safely.”

Riley’s eyes widened. “Limos?”

He nodded. “It’s not every day that their only child turns 21.”

She laughed lightly. “In that case, how about we share a celebratory drink in your honor?”

//Every girl in here got to look me up and down All on Instagram, cake by the pound Circulate the image every time I come around G's up, tell me how I'm looking babe//

One drink turned into two, then three. She felt numb. She felt nothing. It was exactly where she wanted to be if she was forced to come face to face with him in front of a crowd of people. She had been there for nearly an hour and a half by the time she finished her fourth drink. Caleb had showed up around drink number three, and whenever they weren’t around the bar with Josh and Maya, they were on the dance floor.

To everyone else, she looked like a woman who didn’t have a care in the world. Despite the numbness, the anxiety she felt in the pit of her stomach grew more and more as the minutes droned on. At any moment, he would walk in. At any moment, she would become completely undone. In front of all her friends, she knew she would have a complete meltdown. She wasn’t over him. She had convinced herself that she was—she had to in order to survive. She broke up with him. She refused him. She had no right to still love him. She had no right to still dream about him. And she definitely didn’t have a right to want him to be next to her every single second for the rest of her life.

God, she was a terrible person. In front of her was a perfectly nice guy. Caleb was everything she could ever want, but all she could think about was the missing Texan.

As Caleb twirled her around on the dance floor, something in the doorway caught her eye. Her head lifted just as he walked in. Her heart raced as his eyes immediately locked onto hers.

He came.

For the first time since their breakup, they were in the same place and completely surrounded by their curious friends.

Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t stomach the idea of seeing him like this. She wasn’t ready. It was hard enough to keep her secret from her friends when he wasn’t in town. There was no way she could spend the next few hours with him in the same room and pretend that they weren’t what they were—friends with benefits without the friend part.

She suddenly stood rigid as she felt the color drain from her face. “I-I-‘m sorry,” she apologized to her date. “I think I had too much. I need…I need to go home…lay down.”

“That’s ok,” Caleb assured her. “I’ll go with you…make sure you get home safely.”

“No,” she gave him a small smile. He was such a nice guy—far nicer than she ever deserved. “That’s ok, Caleb. Farkle has this car service for everyone. I’m just…going to use that and go home. Stay. Have fun.” She looked around the ballroom. “It’s a great party.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Absolutely. I’m just need to go lay down. I’m not…I’m not going to be good company. Besides…I need someone to tell me everything that happens.”

He smiled. “You got it.”

//Boy this all for you just walk my way Just tell me how it's looking babe Just tell me how it's looking babe (How it's looking babe)//

She escaped the ballroom through the only other exit as quickly as her legs could carry her. She had to go home. She had to leave and avoid him completely. She was weak. She knew it. One look from him and she was about to fall apart. They had carried on this ridiculous non-relationship relationship for a while now. They didn’t speak when he was in Texas, but whenever he was in the city, their paths always crossed, and when they did, she couldn’t resist him. She never could, except for Paris.

Why couldn’t she be that strong now? Why couldn’t she look him in the eye and tell him that what they were doing was wrong and that it was only going to cause a greater rift between them in the end? She wanted him in her life, but as they were now, he was only in her life when he was in her bed—or his bed at his parents’ place—or her couch—or the kitchen counter at her parents’ apartment—or a few other places.

She shook her head as she chased the thought of them tangled up together out of her mind. She had to be strong, or as strong as she could be at the moment. That meant fleeing. That meant bailing on one of her best friends’ birthdays. There were easily 200 people in that ballroom, but in that split second when her eyes landed on his, only two people existed.

It was too intense, especially considering the fact that she was insanely inebriated. Little Riley Matthews, who rarely did anything wrong, was drunk and running away from her ex-boyfriend/current affair. If only her thirteen year old self could see her now.

She sprinted through the lobby as she made her way outside. She had forgotten her jacket, but there was no way she would dare go back inside. She spotted a valet outside and quickly told him that she was at the Minkus party but needed a ride home.

Her fingers tapped against her clutch as she waited for her ride. It felt like an eternity had passed by the time a limousine pulled up in front of her. She smiled at the elderly driver as he stepped out of the limo to open the door for her. “Thank you,” she said as she walked toward the door.

“Riley,” a voice called out from behind her.

She froze as she gripped the door. She closed her eyes as she quickly assessed her options. She could climb in the limo, pretend that she hadn’t heard him, go home, and sleep…or…she could face him and get this over with. She took a deep breath as she turned around to face him. God, even under the bright lights of the city she loved, he looked positively god-like. She was never able to resist him, but there was something about Lucas Friar in a suit that always drove her crazy. She swallowed as her eyes slowly took in his appearance.

“Miss,” the limo driver questioned as he waited to close the door behind his passenger.

Riley smiled at the driver as she gave him the address to the apartment she shared with Maya. “I can get the door,” she kindly told him. She waited until he slid into the driver’s seat and shut the door before she dared to look at Lucas once more.

“Where are you going?” It was a pathetic question, he knew it, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. She was the first person he saw as he entered the ballroom. She looked like a vision in red, but unfortunately for him, she was twirling around on the dance floor with someone who wasn’t him. ‘Because you aren’t together,’ he bitterly reminded himself as he engaged in what felt like an hour-long staring match with the girl he had once been able to call his own.

When she left the ballroom, he followed her. Farkle was one of his best friends, but Riley was—everything. One of the biggest reasons he decided to fly in for the night was on the off chance that he would be able to see her, maybe even talk to her. Their current relationship status, or lack thereof, was driving him to the brink of madness. He wanted her—not just her body—but all of her. He wanted to be hers and he wanted her to be his again. His world hadn’t felt like his world since that ill-fated trip to Europe. All he wanted was to wake up from this nightmare and move forward with the girl who had captured his heart nearly a decade ago.

“Home,” she said simply as her heart pounded. She smacked her palm against the door as she bit her bottom lip. She knew she shouldn’t. She knew that nothing good was going to come from it, but there was something about him that she had never been able to resist. She wanted to blame the alcohol for her weakness, but even in her bewildered state, she knew it wasn’t that. It was him. He was her weakness.

She finally pushed the door open. “Coming?”

//I do this all for you baby just take aim And tell me how it's looking babe (How it's looking babe) Tell me how it's looking babe, looking babe//

She briefly closed her eyes when she heard the door shut. She was going to hell. She knew it. This was insane. She left the party to avoid him, and now, he was going to go back to her apartment with her? She swallowed before she opened her eyes. As the limo pulled away from the curb, she looked around the spacious car. “Pretty nice, huh,” she commented.

“Yeah,” he released a breath. “Farkle’s parents set this up too?”

She nodded. “That way everyone can get home safely.”

He looked at her. “Why did you leave so early?”

She glanced out the window. “I wasn’t feeling well.” Her eyes fell to her lap.

“You seemed to be doing fine when I saw you…dancing around with…”

“Caleb.” She slowly turned to him. “That was Caleb.”

Lucas’s lips formed a thin line as he debated his next question. He had to ask. He had to know. “Boyfriend?”

Riley shook her head. “We’ve been out a few times. Nothing…serious.”

“Do you want there to be anything serious?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s nice. He’s friends with Farkle. He’s…everything a girl could want.”

Lucas nodded. “Looks like it.” He paused. “So, if he’s Mr. Perfect, then why isn’t he in here with you?”

Riley knew that this was wrong. She knew that she should give Lucas some stupid reason and use Caleb as an excuse to end things, but she couldn’t. She felt like a moth drown to the flame, and it had been four months since she last saw him at Christmas. Four months since the last time he was in her bed.

Four months too long.

She didn’t answer him as she slowly raked her eyes over his body. She allowed the alcohol to overtake her, to quiet the annoying voice in her head that screamed at her that this wasn’t right. She didn’t want to think. She could think tomorrow. Right now, tonight, she wanted to feel. She wanted to feel something that she had only ever felt with him.

Riley slowly lifted her hand before she placed it on his thigh. She knew what she was inviting in. She knew that Pandora’s box had suddenly flown open, but she didn’t care. Lucas Friar was sitting next to her, and all she wanted was to feel him inside of her.

He was jealous. Knowing that the guy who spun her around on the dance floor was also someone she had gone on multiple dates with made him more than a little hot under the collar. He knew he had no say in who she dated, but God, did he want one. He wanted to keep her. He wanted her.

As soon as her fingers grazed his thigh, he became undone. The woman next to him completely possessed all of his senses. He knew that this wouldn’t end well, but what he wouldn’t give for one more taste of heaven—of the goddess who haunted every dream he had since the day they met. “How long…until we reach your place?”

She blinked. “It took me half an hour to get here. Considering the traffic…maybe forty five minutes?”

He slowly inched closer to her before he ran his index finger along her cheek. “Say it,” his suddenly hoarse voice pleaded with her as his hand cupped the side of her face. “Tell me you want me.”

She watched his eyes darken as he commanded her to tell him the truth. “I want you,” she found herself answering as she closed the remaining space between them.

He moved his hand to the back of her neck before his lips met hers in a searing kiss.

//Drop the bass, mane, the bass get lower Radio say "speed it up", I just go slower High like treble, pumping on the mids Ya man ain't ever seen a booty like this//

As soon as she felt his lips on hers, everything else melted away. It was part of the reason why she felt so intoxicated by him. With every touch, every kiss, every lustful whisper, they were transported to a place where time, space, and everything else that kept them apart didn’t exist. They simple were. They merely existed to show one another just how perfectly well they fit together.

Riley opened her mouth against his as she eagerly invited his tongue to re-familiarize itself with hers. Her hands gripped his forearms as he cupped her face in his hands. She knew this wasn’t right. She knew that they were in a limo and that they could get caught doing whatever it was they were about to do, but she didn’t care. She had been forced to be away from his touch for the last several months. She didn’t want to sit in awkward silence for the next forty-five minutes while she could be re-familiarizing herself with every square inch of his muscular body.

She quickly slid his jacket down his arms. Lucas broke away from her lips long enough to toss it to the other side of the limousine. This wasn’t them—at least not completely. Three years ago, he never thought they would be well on their way to fulfilling a stereotype about limousines, but three years ago, he never imagined that they wouldn’t be together. She had changed a lot in the last two years. She was more serious now. They didn’t talk about much when they were together. Somehow, they both thought it would be easier. For him, it certainly was. He knew that, given the opportunity, he would beg her to take him back, to forget about that trip after graduation.

After she slid his tie off, he quickly unbuttoned his shirt. He was grateful for the fact that he thought to take her ring—the engagement ring that he wore around his neck—off before he left his parents’ house. If she ever saw it, if she knew that he wore it like a chain around his neck for all to see his ultimate failure, she would never speak to him again. He couldn’t help but wear it though. In some demented, self-deprecating way, it made him feel closer to her while he lived two thousand miles away.

As he slid the white shirt down his arms, he watched her scoot closer to him before she quickly pulled his undershirt off. She then lowered her head in order to plant kisses across his bare chest. He closed his eyes as he leaned his head back. What he wouldn’t give to know that this was real. He knew he had to put it out of his mind. He knew that he had to forget, for a little while, that the heavenly creature beside him not only possessed his heart, but his mind, body, and soul as well.

His mind nearly exploded when she slowly sank to the ground in front of him.

//And why you think ya keep my name rolling off the tongue Cuz when he wanna smash I'll just write another one I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor//

She had to forget that he still had the capacity to rip her heart to shreds. She had to forget that she left Farkle’s party to avoid this exact situation. She wanted the alcohol to wipe away every shred of feeling she had for the man who sat in front of her. It would be easier that way.

She bit her bottom lip as she pushed every angst-filled thought away. She could chastise herself for being weak later. Right now, he was half naked in front of her. He really was built like a Greek god. Had he been working out? The muscles in his chest seemed more defined than the last time she saw him. She was beginning to think of him like a fine wine—only getting better with age.

It was the opposite of what she had hoped for. She hoped that they would outgrow whatever this was. She hoped that one day she would wake up and not love him. It had been almost two years since she broke up with him, but here she was—kneeling in front of him—completely in awe of every square inch of him.

She scooted closer as her hands reached for his belt.

As she reached her arms out, he did as well. He didn’t want her to kneel in front of him—at least, not yet. He wanted to be inside of her. He wanted to send them both to the peak of ecstasy. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to become completely lost inside of her. He wanted to hear that melodic moan—the one that had haunted him since their last encounter.

Riley pulled back from him as he reached for her. “No,” she commanded.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “No?”

She shook her head. “You climbed into my limo, remember? Pretty sure that means I get to make the rules.”

“Riley,” he groaned, “You don’t have to—“

Her eyes darkened. “I want to.”

“Well, I want to be inside you. I want to taste you.”

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor//

She placed her hands behind her as she leaned back on the floor of the limousine. Her head slowly rolled to the side as she stared at him. “How about this,” she slowly drawled out as the four drinks she pounded earlier began to take effect. The old Riley Matthews would never discuss sex as freely and as plainly as she was about to, but she wasn’t the old Riley. She hadn’t been the old Riley since she got back from Europe two years ago.

He watched as she slowly stretched back. The act may have seemed innocent enough at the time, but while her body moved back, her dress remained stagnant. He licked his lips as he was graced with the sight of her cleavage. How was this fair? He was only half dressed while she hadn’t so much as taken her shoes off. “I’m listening,” he finally murmured.

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor//

“I get what I want on the way to my place…and when we get there…you get what you want.” Her eyes slowly lowered from his own eyes, down his chest and finally toward his crotch. She slowly rolled her head to the other side as lifted her eyes back up to his. She was completely inexperienced when it came to the art of seduction, but those drinks at least gave her the illusion that she was doing something right.

“Or,” he countered as he slowly leaned forward, “I get what I want now…take you to a place you’ve never been before…and when we get to your apartment,” his eyes slowly roamed down her body, “you beg me to do it all over again.”

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Like like liquor, like like like liquor//

Riley slowly inhaled as she watched him inch closer and closer to her. His eyes had locked onto hers, and she couldn’t make herself look away. She took several shallow breaths as he slowly sank to the floor and straddled her. As he slowly leaned forward, her breath completely caught in her throat.

He placed his hands on either side of her as his lips inched toward hers. He was tired of the space in between them. He had to deal with it 99% of the time. He was going to be damned if he would allow it while they were alone together.

He lowered his eyes to her lips as his face drew closer to hers. “Do we have a deal,” he rumbled before his lips lightly brushed against hers.

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor//

She closed her eyes at the contact. God, he was much better at the whole seduction thing than she was. As he slowly nibbled on her bottom lip, she felt herself beginning to cave in. Did it really matter who was in control? All she wanted to do was lose herself in him. All she wanted was to pretend that her entire life wasn’t completely screwed up.

Lucas couldn’t stop the smile that formed when he heard a soft moan escape her as he lightly ran his tongue across her bottom lip. She tasted like vodka, and he hated it. He hated that she had been drinking. He wasn’t going to ask how much. He knew if he did, that it would all be over. As much as he wanted her, he wasn’t in it strictly for the sex. He was in it to keep some kind of connection with her. He hoped that one of these rendezvouses would result in their reconciliation. He hoped that, maybe one day, he would be able to possess her heart just as she had always possessed his.

For now, he had to accept their relationship for what it was—and that meant ignoring the vodka on her lips.

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor//

A shiver shot down her spine as his tongue slowly tasted her lips. Could he taste the alcohol she had drank? Did he know how drunk she was? Did he care?

No. She wasn’t about to allow her train of thought to stray from the intensity of the moment they were engaged in. Her temporary restoration to reality made her realize that she wanted to be in control—at least for a while. She wanted the power to administer, or withhold, pleasure from him. She wanted to dominate him—just as he dominated most of her thoughts.

She nudged him back as she turned her head to the side. When he sat back on his heels, she turned to him once more. “No deal,” she purred. “You can either sit back up in that seat and experience the best,” her eyes lowered to his crotch for a beat before she looked back up at him, “Or we can sit on opposite sides of this limousine until I get home, and then you can go back to the party.”

He took a deep breath. “That’s not fair.”

She smirked. “You won’t think that if you agree to the terms…trust me.”

//Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Like like liquor, like like like liquor//

She sat up as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Well,” she asked softly before she touched her lips with her index finger. “Do we have a deal?”

He had no other choice. He’d be her willing slave if she asked him to. “You get a say now, and I get a say later?”

She nodded. “And don’t worry…I’ve got the place to myself for the entire night.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

She nodded. “So, what’s it going to be, Friar?”

//Driver, roll up the partition, please Driver, roll up the partition, please I don't need you seeing 'Yoncé on her knees//

“You’re so going to pay for that,” he told her as he slowly rose and sat back in the seat.

Riley smirked as she leaned forward and began to unbuckle his pants. “Promises, promises.” She unzipped his pants and slid them down while Lucas kicked his shoes off. Riley took his pants off and tossed them in the direction of the rest of his discarded clothing. She tilted her head to the side as she briefly admired the sight of him clad only in a pair of black boxers. ‘He could totally be an underwear model,’ she mused as she hooked her fingers underneath the band of the last remaining garment he wore. Slowly, almost painfully so, she slid his underwear down. She sat it next to her before she slid in between his legs.

She knew that they didn’t have long before they reached her apartment. She knew that he ended up with the better deal, but about six months ago, she had a dream about Lucas Friar that she hadn’t quite been able to rid herself of—and it started out a lot like this.

She slowly looked up into his curious eyes. As she lowered her head, she maintained eye contact with him. She wanted to see his pleasure. She wanted to know that she had some control over him—at least for a little while.

She placed her left hand on his thigh while her right hand hovered over his penis. She slowly ran her index finger down the length of his shaft. When he jumped at the contact, she knew that she had the potential to affect him just as deeply as he affected her. She smiled as she watched him slowly relax as she ran her fingers over him once more.

While his body may have relaxed against her touch, his mind nearly exploded. What was she thinking? What did she want to do so badly that she had to resort to threats to get him to acquiesce to her desire to take charge? All he wanted was to reach for her, pull her close, and bury himself inside of her. Screw the outside world. Screw the last two years. Screw everything that made her keep him at arm’s length. What if he moved back home? Would that solve everything or would that only push her further away?

He closed his eyes and hissed as her hand wrapped around his aching erection. She was teasing him. She had to know that she was driving him insane. God, it was taking everything in him not to reach for her, to beg her to return to him.

//Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gonna make it to this club//

When he closed his eyes, Riley felt a warmness spread through her. He was enjoying this, and she had barely started. A surge of confidence shot through her as she lowered her lips to his throbbing member. Her tongue darted out as she stared at the man before her.

Lucas moaned as soon as he felt her tongue slide over him. This wasn’t the first time she had ever gone down on him, but he had forgotten just how intoxicating the sensation was. He felt completely paralyzed as she wrapped her lips around the head of his penis. He took a deep breath as she slowly slid his length between the heavenly gates of her lips.

With every inch she took in, she could feel the control she had over him. It was empowering to know that she could do whatever she wanted to him in that moment and would comply. While she was the one who rejected him, the one who ended it, she often felt like she was the one who was held captive in their new ‘relationship’. She couldn’t explain the feeling, except for the conclusion she had reached, and then tried to bury, nearly nine months earlier—that she was still in love with him.

//Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown//

She clenched her fists as she finally took him completely in her mouth. She wasn’t going to get emotional with him. Not now. She could lament the absurdity of her life once he left the city. For now, she only wanted to give, and receive, pleasure from the only person she had ever experienced it from. She focused on the task at hand as she began to bob her head up and down. She wanted to fully give into whatever they had become. She didn’t want to think about the consequences. She only wanted to feel. She wanted him to beg for her. She wanted him to need her just as much as she needed him. Everything else would either fade or work itself out over time.

Lucas gripped the seat as he leaned his head back. He had to keep his mind focused on the most revolting things to keep himself from exploding as she continued to lick and suck him. He thought about cold showers, the starting lineup of the Yankees, even the ill-fated trip to Europe—all to no avail. She had been moving against him for only a few minutes, but he was almost at that pivotal point.

She must have sensed it because right at the point of release, she detached her lips from his shaft. “You ok,” she panted as she watched him slowly lower his head to look at her.

“Y-Yeah,” he stammered before he cleared his throat. “More than ok. You?”

“Not as good as you,” she said softly as she slowly stood up. She placed her legs on either side of him as she straddled him. “But,” she whispered as she lowered her head to his neck, “I’m pretty sure I can get there…with your help.”

Lucas swallowed as her lips connected with the base of his neck. His hands moved to her back as he desperately sought contact with her skin. He was still willing to let her control what would or would not happen in the limo, because he knew as soon as they entered her apartment, it would be his turn to dictate who received what and when.

“That feels good,” she purred in his ear. “I love it when you touch me.” She leaned back. “Even if it’s somewhere completely innocent…like my back or my arms.”

He swallowed as his eyes met hers. Was he losing his mind or did he see a flash of something more in her lust-filled gaze? What did she mean? Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Did she miss them? Did she want something more than what they had been reduced to? “Well,” he began as his lowered his hand to the hem of her dress. “I am more than willing to touch you wherever you want me to.”

Riley lowered her gaze as she watched him slowly slide her dress up as his hands glided up her thighs. Her heart raced as his fingers grazed the outside of her underwear. “And you can,” her voice quivered slightly as she looked back at him, “when it’s your turn.”

“Aw, come on, Riles,” he smirked, “You know you want me inside you just as badly as I want to be inside you.”

She bit her bottom lip. “Mmm…I feel how badly you want to be inside of me.”

His hand slowly slid over in between her legs. He gave her a wolfish grin as soon as he felt the moisture between her thighs. “So do I,” he practically snarled as he ran his thumb over the outside of the thin material.

“Ravish me,” she commanded as she buried her head in the side of his neck. “Show me, Lucas. I want to know how badly you want me.”

He needed no other invitation. He quickly gripped the band of her underwear and with one pull, the lacy material ripped. He quickly discarded it before he slid her closer to him. In one fluid motion, he filled her.

//Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel Oh baby baby we betta slow it down Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gonna make it to this club//

They remained still for a few moments as the simply took in the moment. They were finally one—they were finally connected again. They both felt like they could finally breathe for the first time in months. They both felt like the chaotic world that surrounded them finally made sense. It felt like coming home.

He gripped her hips as she slowly began to rock back and forth. He was content enough to let her control their pace—for the moment. He knew she wanted to control the ride, so he was determined to allow her to do that, despite her pleas for him to take over. He knew he had time to do that—once they got into her apartment.

Her hand slid across his shoulders and down his arms as she began to regain control of her senses. This felt good—too good—better than the dream she couldn’t seem to let go of.

He wanted to touch her. He wanted to see every square inch of her magnificent body, but he knew that they had to be getting close to her place, and again, he wanted her to dictate what he could and couldn’t see. If she wanted to remain fully (well, almost) clothed during their first interlude, then that was completely up to her. He could guarantee that she wouldn’t have a stitch of clothing on her during their second, and hopefully, third exchange.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like//

Riley’s movements began to quicken as she threw her head back. Lucas wrapped his arms around her as he began to plant kisses along her neck and chest. This felt nothing short of heaven, and he was hell bent to send her to the same euphoric paradise when they reached their destination.

He nearly snapped at her when she pushed his head back. Before he had a chance to voice his displeasure, she quickly covered his lips with her own. He pulled her even closer as he sought to control her mouth.

Riley couldn’t get close enough to him as she neared her climax. Her legs were wrapped around him as their tongues engaged in another battle of a long fought war between them. This was everything she had dreamt of and so much more. “Lucas,” she gasped as she pulled back. She couldn’t breathe. She could barely get his name out. She moaned as she quickened her pace.

Lucas dropped his hands to her ass as he slid her to him. If he wasn’t already approaching his own climax, he would have after he heard her gasp his name. He never loved his name more than when he heard her say it in complete, unadulterated pleasure. He groaned as she slammed against him. Just a few more thrusts and he would be sent spiraling into a different plane of reality.

“Oh,” she moaned once more as her head snapped back. She was there. She was there. She just needed him to join her. She needed to feel him convulse within her.

The sight of her nearing the brink of her climax sent him tumbling over. He gripped her back as he moaned her name. She fisted his hair as she finally gave in and careened over the edge with him.

It was wrong. She knew it, and he did too, but at that moment, nothing ever felt more right.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kinda girl you like Is right here with me//

She tried to straighten up her appearance as much as she could while Lucas put his clothes back on. Her hair was a mess, and her dress was slightly wrinkled, but she didn’t care about that. She just hoped that the driver didn’t hear them. She had never done anything like that in her life, but as she glanced at Lucas who seemed to be preoccupied with putting his shirt back on, she had zero regrets about it. At the end of the day, she trusted the guy she sat next to, even if they weren’t together. He had been her first everything, and was still her only sexual partner. She trusted him more than anyone—even herself at times. It was one reason why she refused to engage in deep discussions with him. She knew she would buckle. She knew she would confess everything to him, but she couldn’t. He was still in Texas. She was still in New York. She couldn’t hold him back. If he met someone, she didn’t want him to worry about breaking her heart (even though when the day finally came, Riley knew she would be completely inconsolable).

She shook her head. Were they there yet? She needed something to drink. She was beginning to sober up and her brain was racing to catch up to her heart. She couldn’t allow that. She didn’t want to back out. She didn’t want to walk away from him. She wasn’t strong enough for that—not yet anyway. Couldn’t they hold on for a little while longer?”

As Lucas slid his jacket on, he spotted Riley’s torn underwear on the ground. He glanced at the brunette who stared out the darkened window. He leaned forward as he reached for the garment. He slid it into his pocket before he leaned back in his seat. He slid his tie into the other pocket as the limo finally halted.

Riley turned her head when she heard the driver open his door. She smiled sheepishly at Lucas. “Perfect timing.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah.”

When the driver opened the door on Lucas’s side, the Texan slid out of the limo. Riley quickly scanned the backseat, but couldn’t find her underwear anywhere. ‘Oh God,’ she thought as she reached for her clutch. ‘Please don’t let this sweet man find them.’ She slid out of the car and thanked the driver for giving her a ride home.

The driver nodded and wished her a good night.

As he walked away, Riley glanced at Lucas. Well, she was already going to hell for doing this, might as well enjoy another glimpse of heaven while she was at it.

She opened her bag as she searched for her keys.

“When did you move out of the dorm,” he asked as they walked toward the door.

“Umm…after last semester. We…we were trying to stay at least through sophomore year, but it got to be too loud over there. And besides,” she added as she stuck the key in the door, “Maya started dating Josh, so she was more than ready to leave the juvenile setting of a dorm room.” She opened the door.

“So, they finally went public,” Lucas noted as they walked up the stairs toward Riley’s apartment.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Zay and I have a running bet on to when they actually first started dating.” She looked back at the Texan. “Pretty sure it was while we were in high school.”

“Oh definitely,” he agreed as he followed her on the stairs. “She was always sneaking off…didn’t date anyone. She went to prom by herself.”

“She didn’t go by herself,” Riley insisted as they reached the third floor. “We all went together, remember?”

Lucas looked down as he followed her down the hallway. Oh. He remembered that night clearly. It was the night he knew he was going to propose to her. The three of them went to the prom together because Riley didn’t want Maya to go alone. Lucas danced with both of them and the girls danced with one another. It reminded him a lot of the triangle that wasn’t in middle school. As he watched them dance with one another, he realized that they all had come so far from those days. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone the way he loved her. He knew it was crazy. They were young and both of them had committed themselves to going to schools on opposite sides of the country, but as he watched her turn to look at him and smiled while she danced with her best friend, he knew that there would never be anyone else for him.

“Lucas,” she called out to him.

His head snapped up at the sound of his name.

“Are you going to come in or stay in the hallway all night,” she chuckled.

He gave her a small smile as he followed her into her apartment.

//Driver, roll up the partition fast Driver, roll up the partition fast Over there I swear I saw them cameras flash//

Riley sat her clutch on the counter as she ducked into of the small kitchenette. She needed alcohol to quiet the voice in her head that screamed at her that this wasn’t right. “Do you want anything,” she called out as she opened the fridge.

“What do you have,” he called back as he slowly wandered into her small living room. Pictures of their group aligned the walls of the small apartment. Some of Maya’s artwork was peppered in between. A soft smile formed on his lips as he recalled every memory of every photo that laid before him.

“Beer, wine, tequila, vodka…”

“Beer is good,” he responded as he shrugged out of his jacket. He needed to take the edge off. He hadn’t had a drop to drink, but if he was expected to keep up the charade of pretending that what they were doing was strictly physical, then he needed something to dull his senses. He had nearly declared his undying love for her in the limo, and that was during a rushed exchange. God knows what would come out of his mouth given a few more hours with her.

For what he had envisioned for the remainder of the evening, he knew that he had to be at least slightly inebriated.

He wasn’t about to destroy the last shred of her he could have.

She heard him loud and clear: beer. He wanted beer. Meanwhile, she went straight for the vodka. It had allowed her to pull through the first time. Surely, it wouldn’t give up on her now. “How about a shot of vodka too,” she called out as she poured one for herself.

“Sure,” he answered as he strolled into the kitchen. He leaned against the doorway as he watched her pour him a shot.

“Do you need something to chase it with,” she asked as she opened the refrigerator.

“No,” he answered.

Riley smiled at him. “Impressive Dr. Friar. Learn that in Texas?”

He smirked. “Well, in Texas, we go for whiskey.”

“Sorry,” she shrugged as she closed the refrigerator. She grabbed both shots before she walked over to him. She handed him the glass. “Fresh out.”

He tapped his glass to hers. “To…old friends.”

She looked down. “Yeah. Old friends.”

They both leaned back at the same time as they downed the liquid. Neither of them reacted as it burned down their throats. Both had become used to the taste of it. Both of them were used to using it as a means of escaping their feelings, the reality that had taken shape of their world.

“Do you want another one,” she asked as she took the glass from him.

“One more,” he answered. “Then I could really go for that beer.”

She smiled as she poured them another shot. “I didn’t forget.” She sat the bottle down. “You know,” she began as she walked back to him, “Beer is pretty fattening.”

He looked down. “Are you saying I’ve gotten fat,” he teased.

She handed him the small glass. Neither said a word as they both drank the contents. “No,” she answered as she took the glass from him. “Quite the opposite actually. I need to know your secret to staying fit while pounding beers.”

“I don’t drink beer that often,” he answered truthfully.

“Just on special occasions,” she offered.

He chuckled. “Yeah…or when there isn’t an ample supply of whiskey around.”

“Ah.” She opened the refrigerator one last time as she pulled out a beer for him. She popped the cap off before she walked back to him and handed him the bottle. “Well, now I know.”

“For next time?” He took a swig as he watched her walk into the living room.

“Are you coming back this summer?”

“Yeah,” he sighed as he followed her.

“You don’t sound very happy about it.”

“I’ll only be in town for a few weeks.”

Riley slowly sat down on the couch. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he sat down next to her. “Pappy Joe needs some help this summer. I told him I’d help him. He doesn’t really have…anyone else there to take care of everything.”

Riley folded her hands. “Well, that’s nice of you.” Her gaze fell as she looked at her joined hands. So, he wouldn’t be in town this summer. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe this was the push she needed to finally detach herself from him. Her eyes drifted back toward her kitchen. Would it be too much for her to finish off that bottle of vodka?

“Unless there’s a reason for me to stay.” He took another swig of his beer. Had he actually said that? He waited for the fallout. He waited for her to get upset, to kick him out. Instead, he heard her chuckle.

“Family is family. I don’t think there could be a better reason for you to spend the summer there.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. He glanced around the room once more. “This is a nice apartment.”

“Yeah,” she sighed as she looked around. “We like it. Nice neighbors. It’s nice to feel independent, you know?”

“Definitely understandable.” He looked at the bottle in his hands.

They fell silent for a few moments as Lucas took occasional sips of his drink. Finally, Riley’s ringtone chimed through the otherwise soundless apartment. She got up as she walked over to her clutch. She pulled out her phone as she read her missed text message. She took a deep breath as she typed a response.

“Who is that,” Lucas asked off handedly. When Riley didn’t answer him, he furrowed his eyebrows. He knew it was none of his business, but a sense of dread filled him. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

“Him who,” she asked as she sat her phone down.

“The guy you were dancing with when I showed up tonight. The guy you’ve been seeing.”

“Yeah,” she answered as she walked back into the living room.

“Is it serious?”

She frowned. “Obviously not,” she answered, slightly offended that he would even consider the idea that she would cheat on someone.

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it like that.”

Riley crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t have to justify my love life to you.”

“Uh…you do if you’re sleeping with him,” he responded as he stood up. “I have a right to know who you’ve been with before we…before anything else happens.”

He was right. She knew he was. She would want to know if he became intimate with someone else. It was the safest way to know whether or not she could contract something. “No,” she grounded out. “We aren’t…it’s not like that.”

“But you could be right,” he asked as he inched closer to her. “Intimate…with him.”

“I don’t have to answer that,” she responded. “I’m dating around…as I’m sure you are too.” She paused. “We can’t talk about this. It’s not…we aren’t…I don’t owe you an explanation. I’ve been seeing someone who is also friends with Farkle…we went to his party together. We danced.” She paused. “He texted me to make sure I’m ok…that I got home safely.” She waited a beat. “You can’t be jealous.”

“I’m not,” he lied as he finally reached her. “I was just…curious…as I’m sure you would be if you saw me tangled up with someone else on a dance floor.” He slowly raked his eyes over her. He didn’t want to fight with her. Jealousy coursed through his veins, but now wasn’t the time to react. “You know…you said once we got here that I could dictate what we do.”

She slowly looked up at him as their potential argument quickly melted away. “What do you want to do?”

He placed his hands on either side of her as he ran his fingers over the straps of her dress. “I want to spend the next several hours worshipping every square inch of you.” He slowly slid the straps down her arms. As soon as the straps were released from her, her dress fell to the floor. Due to the low cut design of the dress, Riley didn’t wear a bra. So, there she stood before him, completely naked.

“God,” he breathed as he slowly re-familiarized himself with every square inch of her form. “You’re so beautiful, Riley.”

“What do you want to do to me, Lucas,” she asked softly as she made no attempt to cover herself up. “Or what to do you want me to do to you?”

His eyes slowly traveled back up to her chocolate eyes. “I want you to show me your bedroom.”

//Handprints and footprints on my glass Handprints and good grips all on my ass//

Outwardly, she acted so completely confident in her body that she still made no move to cover up as she walked down the short hallway to her room. Inwardly, her brain screamed at her to cover up because she was Riley Matthews—the girl who was always insecure. It was a very strange thing. When he looked at her, she didn’t feel insecure. She didn’t feel the need to cover anything up. She felt beautiful.

As she opened the door to her bedroom, she turned back to him. She waited for him to enter, but instead he stopped right in front of her.

She held her breath as he leaned into her. “Do you want this,” he asked her.

She leaned her head back against the doorway. “What?”

“This? Our little deal. Do you want to continue it?”

She swallowed. “Why…why do you ask?”

“Because…you’re dating other people. Maybe you’re interested in a relationship with Caleb. If you are, tell me, and we can end this now…walk away as—“

“Friends,” she offered.

“Yeah,” he answered.

Riley looked at him for a long moment. This was her chance to come to her senses and stop the insanity. This was her chance to break the cycle for once and for all. He gave her an opening; she only had to take it. The problem was that this whole arrangement was her idea, and she still felt the same way now as she did then. While she wasn’t permitted to be with him, while she knew that this didn’t make up for the loss she experienced two years ago, she still couldn’t find the words to actually end it. She had to have any part of him that she could. This was the only way. Maybe one day she would gain some sense of control and end it, but she couldn’t do that now. She was too addicted to him. “I don’t want to stop,” she answered honestly. “Do you?”

He did. He wanted to stop it if it meant that he could have her completely. Gauging by their earlier conversation, he knew that wasn’t a possibility. Not now, at least. He could wait a little longer. She was worth it. They were worth it. He leaned down to her. “No,” he answered softly.

As he neared her lips, she pulled back from him. She smiled as a look of confusion graced his face. “There’s only one rule,” she said as she ran her finger along the collar of his shirt.

He swallowed. “What’s that?”

Her eyes fell to the floor. “You can’t step over that threshold if you have any stitch of clothing on.”

His eyes slowly fell to the ground. He watched as Riley slid her black heels off before she crossed the threshold. She tossed them toward the corner of the room before she turned back to him. “That’s it,” she smirked. “The only rule.”

Lucas’s mouth fell open. Who was this girl and what had she done with Riley Matthews? She spoke with such confidence, such allure that he thought his heart had actually stopped beating. He had always loved the woman who stood before him. He had spent years trying to show her that she had no need to be insecure about anything—that she was an angel who walked amongst mere mortals. Had college given her this newfound sense of confidence? Had their little arrangement taken the pressure off to be perfect?

He had no idea, but as he found himself unbuttoning his shirt, he wasn’t about to question it. He knew she wasn’t perfect, but in that moment, he couldn’t think of a single thing he would ever change about her. All he wanted to do was to pay homage to her very existence. He wanted to give her what she deserved—pure, unadulterated pleasure.

As he slid his shirt down his arms, he knew that he would never be worthy of her. He knew that he should be grateful for the years she had allowed him to be in her orbit. He knew that one day this would end, and that he would be forced to survive in a world where he wasn’t allowed to pay tribute to her existence.

But not tonight.

No, tonight he was fortunate enough to be given the chance to make sure she knew that she held all of him within the palm of her hand.

He knew the current status of their relationship wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care. He knew that one day he would. He knew that one day either he or she would confront the reality of what they had been doing for the last year and a half, but as Lucas unbuckled his pants, he sent up a silent prayer to whatever deity would listen to him that it wouldn’t end—that their impending conversation would result in a reconciliation. He already had to live six months in a world without her. If he had any say in his future, that would never happen again.

//Private show with the music blasting He like to call me Peaches when we get this nasty Red wine drip, we’ll talk that trash Chauffeur eavesdropping trying not to crash//

Riley watched as Lucas undressed. She was impressed with the way she had been able to command him thus far. She felt the vodka begin to take effect as he slid his underwear off. ‘Good,’ she mused as he tossed the last piece of his clothing to the side. She didn’t want to think logically. As he stepped over the threshold into her room and strolled toward her, she knew that tonight, she only wanted him.

“Now, its mine turn,” he told her as he stood in front of her.

“A deal is a deal,” she reached behind her head to pull her hair tie out. Her long brown hair came tumbling down, providing a sheer cover for her breasts.

Lucas ran his fingers down her tangled locks before he tossed her hair over her shoulder. He needed to see her—all of her. His index finger slowly slid down her arm. The right corner of his mouth turned up into a smile when he noticed the trail of goose bumps that quickly followed his touch. “I want to touch every square inch of you,” he murmured as his other hand gripped her waist. “I want to hear you moan my name,” he continued as he gently nudged her to him. “I want you to beg for more.” His left hand lightly brushed the length of her spine. When Riley closed her eyes and shuddered in response, Lucas’s smile grew. “I want you to beg for me,” he finished as his eyes looked down at her.

Riley slowly opened her eyes when she felt his gaze land on her body. It was clear that he wanted to take his time with her tonight, but she already wanted nothing more than to shove him on her bed and show him exactly how his gentle caresses had affected her. When her eyes met his, she took a shaky breath. His eyes had darkened as his other hand gripped her other side of her waist. She swallowed. Maybe she hadn’t had enough to drink over the last few hours. Maybe she was still too sober to do this without feeling anything for the man in front of her.

As his face leaned in toward hers, she realized that there wasn’t enough alcohol on earth to ever make her truly forget just how much she loved him.

//Oh there daddy, daddy now you ripped my fur Oh baby baby be sweating out my hair Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gonna make it to this club//

He wasn’t sure how long they stood in her bedroom as they kissed. Time was no longer a concept. They must have been suspended up in space somewhere. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days. He had no idea. All he knew was that this time, their kisses had slowed. There wasn’t any sense of urgency. It was gentle, methodical. He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to explore every part of her. When she released a soft moan, he pulled her flush against him. He had to hear that sound again. He had to know that she was enjoying this just as much as he was.

Riley’s hands slid up his arms as she finally wrapped her arms around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair as she opened her mouth further. At that moment, she felt like it would never be enough. Their bodies were completely pressed against one another, his tongue actively engaged in another battle of dominance with hers, and yet, she needed to be closer. When she felt his hands slide around to cup her ass, she smiled. When she felt his erection against her pelvis, she slowly spread her legs to allow him to brush against her vagina.

Lucas practically growled at the contact, but it wasn’t directed at the brunette in his arms. He found himself thrust in his own civil war. Part of him wanted to take her right then and there, but there was another part of him who wanted to continue with his plan.

He gripped her ass even tighter as he lifted her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her over to her bed. He finally broke contact with her perfect mouth once her head hit her pillow. “You aren’t playing fair,” he breathed.

She squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. With one look, she felt like he could ask her to do anything and she would comply without hesitation. It was dangerous. He was dangerous. Her heart began to race as his eyes slowly ran down the length of her body. She would give anything to know what he was thinking.

‘You got to slow down, Friar,’ he told himself as he took several deep breaths. They had all night—a luxury neither were used to. Before, it had always been hurried exchanges between them. Now he had the chance to truly make love to the woman in front of him. “You’re incredible,” he breathed as his hand ran down her legs. He paused when he reached her knees. He gently nudged them apart as he positioned himself in between them.

Riley said nothing as she watched him slowly plant kisses along her hipbone. She took a shaky breath as she felt goose bumps pop up along every area he touched.

Lucas smiled against her skin as he methodically kissed down the length of her right leg. As he slowly made his way up to her hip on her left leg, he noticed her squirm. “You aren’t enjoying this?” His tone wasn’t accusatory. He seemed more amused by her reaction. He could feel the heat permeating from in between her thighs. He heard every breathy sigh she released as he paid homage to her slender legs. There was no way on earth she wasn’t enjoying every second of this.

She closed her eyes as he began to kiss along her hipbone once more. It was one of her tender spots, and he knew it. She hissed as his teeth gently scraped across her flawless flesh. “Please,” she moaned before she took a sharp shallow breath. “Lucas, please.”

He lifted his head as he watched her lean her head back. For a second, he thought he could hear her heart racing. He needed to resist her pleas, for now anyway. He had only began his exploration of her body. “You can do better than that,” he teased as his hands moved up to cup her breasts.

Riley arched her back at his touch. She furrowed her eyebrows together as she tried to figure out some way to regain control of her senses. She knew he was teasing her. She knew that he wanted to hear her beg. She hadn’t intended for that to slip from her lips, but as he slowly lowered his head in between her thighs, she knew that it wouldn’t be the last time she begged for him.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like//

“Oh my God,” she cried out as she felt herself fly over the edge of ecstasy. She panted as he slowly lifted his head. If her eyes were open, she would have noticed the ruthless grin he had as he slowly slid up her body. Her heart slammed against her chest as she desperately tried to catch her breath. “Lucas,” she panted as she felt him kiss along her neck. “Are you sure you haven’t done that with someone in Texas?” Her mind was completely fogged over as she placed her hand over her forehead. He had gone down on her before, but it had never been quite that meticulous. He took his time. He made sure to pay attention to the areas she was the most sensitive to. Basically, it was sheer perfection.

He chuckled against her neck. “No,” he answered as his lips slid down to her collarbone. “Just you.”

She lowered her hand as she felt her heart rate begin to return to normal. “I can’t wait to repay you for it,” she sighed happily.

“Well,” he drawled out as he lifted his head. “It’ll have to wait until next time.”

She frowned. “Why?”

“My rules, remember?” He smirked. “I’m not done yet.”

“This isn’t fair,” she groaned as he lowered his head to kiss the other side of her neck.

Lucas slid his hand down her arm until he reached her hand. He brushed his fingertips against hers for a moment before he lifted her hand above her head. “What do you want, Riley?”

“You know what I want,” she whispered as his teeth lightly bit her earlobe.

“And you know what I want,” he retorted as his hands roamed her body. He lifted his head as his eyes met hers. He knew he couldn’t ask for the one thing he needed the most in this world, but for now, this could keep him going until the next time he saw her. “I need to hear it, Riley. I need to know that you need this just as badly as I do…that you want to be consumed by me. I need to hear that you know that the fire you feel right now is because of me.”

She stared into his eyes for a long moment. Something was beginning to shift between them. She felt it the moment he began to pleasure her. What had made that orgasm so intense wasn’t the way he used his tongue, or the rhythm of his fingers inside of her, it was because he had made love to her. He still had feelings for her. It was something she had tried to deny for a while, but as she looked into his eyes now, she knew she that it couldn’t possibly be anything else.

They had to end this. She knew that. However, knowing and acting were two different things. She wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye to him yet, because she felt the same way.

All of the reasons she broke up with him came rushing at her. He was going to be a veterinarian. That meant a lot more time in school than simply two more years. What if they reconciled just to argue all the time and become even more miserable than they already were? She couldn’t stand the thought of him not in her life.

No. Until everything got settled, she couldn’t tell him. She wasn’t ready to let him go. She was stuck in this non-relationship relationship with him. And while it had its perks, it also felt like the definition of purgatory.

“I need you,” she finally whispered as she forced herself to come back to the present. She had plenty of time to torment herself later. Right now, she needed to be in this moment with him. She needed this taste of paradise. “Please,” she begged. “Lucas, I need more. I need to feel you inside me.”

She didn’t think it was possible, but his eyes darkened further at her words. Her fingers brushed against his cheek. “Please,” she pleaded once more.

This was supposed to be his moment. This was supposed to be the moment he knew whether or not she loved him. He thought that if she begged for him, that he would know that she needed him as much as he needed her. As she said the words he longed to hear, he felt himself silently plead with her to take him back. He thought he would feel some vindication, some newfound certainty that he had taken the upper hand in their tumultuous relationship, but as soon as her hands brushed across his cheek, he knew that he would jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if she asked him to. He was a slave to the woman underneath him. He always was, and always would be. He nearly professed his love in response, but quickly stopped himself. Now wasn’t the time for that.

His lips finally crashed against hers as she wrapped her legs around his hips.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kinda girl you like Is right here with me//

His right hand lowered to cup her ass while she gripped his shoulders. He quickly slid into her. Riley gasped in response as he gave her a moment to get used to the sensation. He tossed her hair to the side as he sucked on the base of her neck. The act elicited a moan from the brunette. She wiggled against him as she buried her head in his neck. Could they stay just like this forever? She couldn’t imagine a better form of heaven.

At first he slowly moved against her as she dug her fingernails into his shoulder blades. She was felt so tight, so perfect. His sexual experience was only limited to her, but he couldn’t imagine a more perfect fit as he repeatedly filled her.

“Yes,” she groaned against his neck before she began to gently suck on the tender piece of flesh behind his ear. It was one of the most sensitive spots on his body, and she knew it. She knew exactly what to do to speed him up, to bend him to her will.

He both loved and loathed that she held that much power over him. He moaned as he began to speed up his thrusts. He took a deep breath as she wrapped her legs even tighter around him. He wasn’t going to let go yet. This felt too incredible. He needed this moment to last. He needed to feel this close to her for as long as she would allow him to.

“Lucas,” she panted as he palmed her ass. “Please,” she begged, “please don’t stop.”

He nearly came right then and there. That was what he desperately needed to hear. He needed to hear her plead with him. He needed to hear her pleasure. He needed to know that he affected her just as deeply, just as primitively, just as passionately, as she affected him. She possessed most of his thoughts, even from two thousand miles away. He needed to know that after he left her once more, that she would think about this night and remember it. He wanted this moment to be seared into her memory for the rest of her life. He wanted to ruin every other guy for her. He wanted to be the only one. He wanted to be the one.

//Est-ce que tu aimes le sexe? Le sexe, je veux dire: l'activité physique, le coït. Tu aimes ça? Tu ne t'intéresses pas au sexe? Les hommes pensent que les féministes détestent le sexe mais c'est une activité très stimulante et naturelle que les femmes adorent//

She was there. She was ready to release her third climax of the evening, but she wanted to wait for him. Nothing felt better than to reach the pinnacle of pleasure with him. “Lucas…oh God.”

He groaned in response. If he lived to be 100, he’d never get tired of the way she breathed his name in the bedroom. The way she said it immediately pushed him to the brink. “Riley,” he moaned. She wrapped her arms around his back and pressed her foot against his ass. The act sent him even further into her, where he finally exploded.

As soon as she felt him climax, Riley followed. She cried out as she tightened her hold on him. She didn’t want to let go. She couldn’t. He was the only thing that kept her tied to the earth below. She was on another plane of existence as they both longed to remain in that world. In that world, nothing else mattered but them. They didn’t have to worry about labels or figuring out the complexities of their relationship. They merely existed to please one another.

Soon enough, gravity took control as they slowly fell back to Earth. Lucas reluctantly pulled out of her as he laid down next to her. He pulled her to him before he placed a gently kiss to her shoulder.

Riley sighed contentedly as she closed her eyes. “That was…”

He smiled against her shoulder. “Was what?”

She searched her brain. Had she spoken? If so, what did she say? She wasn’t even entirely sure where she was at the moment. She finally let out a soft chuckle. “I have no idea.” She took a deep breath. “I need something to drink.” She turned her head toward him. “Do you want something?”

“I’ll get it,” he offered as he reluctantly untangled himself from the goddess next to him. “What would you like? Water or something stronger? I make a mean vodka cranberry…or so I’m told.”

She smirked as she caught his reference to the last time they met up. “Both sound heavenly,” she answered.

“Both, it is.”

Riley sat up as she watched him leave her bedroom without a stitch of clothing on. “Damn,” she mumbled as she fell back on the bed. How was it possible that she felt like she was on cloud nine while at the same time, also felt an overwhelming sense of grief? Tears quickly formed in her eyes. This wasn’t allowed. She couldn’t cry right now. She didn’t want to think about what comes next. She wanted to live in the moment with him.

She sat back up as she wiped her eyes. She needed to escape for a few moments and regroup. She wandered into her bathroom and turned on the shower. As soon as she stepped in, she felt the water scald her, but she didn’t care. She needed to feel something other than the rush of loneliness that had suddenly captured her.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like//

She wasn’t sure how long she stood in the shower before he entered the bathroom. Neither of them said anything as he slipped into the shower behind her. He hissed when he felt the scalding water. “Jesus, Riley.” He noticed the red marks on her skin and quickly turned the hot water down. “Are you ok?”

She slowly turned to face him. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was still dark outside. They still had a few more hours at least. She had a little while longer to pretend that everything was ok, that whatever they had was normal, and not the worst idea in the history of everything. “I’m fine,” she smiled as she stepped closer to him. Her eyes slowly traveled down his body. “You’re ready again?” He was completely insatiable. She would never be able to keep up with him.

“Maybe in a little while,” he responded as he reached for her loofah. “Right now, I’m thinking a shower…the drinks…a little relaxation.”

“I’m not sure that’s allowed,” she responded before she turned away from him.

Her comment stung slightly, but he wasn’t about to argue with her after what had just transpired in her bedroom. “You know,” he began as he reached for her soap, “You did say that we were friends with benefits. Maybe in between the benefits, we could actually…be friends.” He ran the loofah along her back. “Friends can drink and hang out, right?”

He had a point. They didn’t talk at all unless he was in town, and before tonight, they only had a very limited amount of time to release their sexual frustration on one another. Maybe trying out the friends side of their arrangement would allow her the chance to become more comfortable with what they were now? Maybe that way, she wouldn’t try to hide from him next time? “You’re right. Friends hang out…and we’re friends, right?”

‘For now,’ his mind screamed at him. “Yeah. Yeah…we’re friends.” They had always been friends, but it had also always been more than that between them. Was he happy with their current relationship status? No. Of course not. He wouldn’t be satisfied until they were back together, but he could wait a little longer to plead his case to her.

//Take all of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like//

They laid back in her bed as they watched tv for a little while. He briefly wondered when she would kick him out of her place, but halfway through the second episode of ‘Red Planet Diaries’ she draped her arm across his waist and placed her head on his chest. He was slightly confused at first. He didn’t know that cuddling was acceptable in their non-relationship relationship, not that he would ever complain about it.

When her breathing deepened, he knew that she had fallen asleep. He wasn’t about to disturb her for the world. He wrapped his arm around her back and lightly traced out the three words he had restrained himself from saying the entire night. ‘I love you,’ he thought as he closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Riley slowly opened her eyes when she felt Lucas’ arm loosen its grip on her waist. He was asleep. She wasn’t entirely sure why she had pretended to fall asleep. No. That’s a lie. She knew why she did it. She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to stay the night. She wanted him to stay forever.

She took a deep breath. Forever is a long time, and it felt like the universe had transpired to keep them apart for some reason. She had tried to move on. She thought that she was on the way to doing that with Caleb, but one night with Lucas changed everything. She needed to end things with Caleb. Farkle was right and she didn’t want to lead him on. She wasn’t ready for another relationship. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready. She was fairly certain that she would be in love with Lucas Friar for the rest of her life, but she couldn’t have him. Not now. Not while they were in school. Not while they lived on opposite sides of the country. She wasn’t going to be the reason why he missed out. As much as it killed her, as much as she loathed herself and the current predicament she found herself in, she couldn’t give him up yet.

//The kinda girl you like Is right here with me//

#ouat2011 fic #rucas fic #riley x lucas #lucas x riley #rucas fanfiction #rucas fan fiction #liley fic #liley fan fic #liley fanfiction #liley fan fiction

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sambashua · 7 years

Note

HOW SVT BE FAM

♥S-sa-say the name!!

So this is going to be the longest post in the history of mankind bc I go real deep w their personalities and stuff ahh also since I don’t personally know them ofc so this is all based on what I’ve seen from their shows and videos:)) THANKS FOR ASKING KAT I’M GONNA TURN YOU INTO A HARDCORE CARAT SOONER RATHER THAN LATER AHHH [sidenote i included my personal nicknames for them so u know who i’m talkin abt irl girl] I ALSO LINKED A BUNCH OF STUFF I RLLY WENT CRAZY

Choi Seungcheol aka S.coups (cheolie) - OKAY AH since he’s your bias I’ll write extra thingsssss!! The faithful general leader and rap boyyy scoops! So this lil bun I thought for a while when I first followed them like oh he’s probably the most normal like he’s level headed and stuff but NOPE NOPE NOPE! SEUNGCHEOL IS ACTUALLY THE BIGGEST CUTIE DORK IN THE WORLD he is afraid of like a lot of things which is too funny bc he’s acts all manly and all the members see him that way and I cannot believe~ like he’s afraid of killing fish and and fireworks and being in front of the camera alone and chopping firewood and doing something that doesn’t get a reaction?? Whenever he does any sort of charm he tells the members to be sure to have a good reaction and BOYY IF THEY DONT he goes off on them I stg… but in all seriousness he is so so so hardworking (he trained for 6 years oh my god) like he always tries to take pressure off his members and he cares for his babies so much and they even call him appa sometimes and they look up to him so much it is the cutest thing like they always rate him so high in looks and I cry love him plz. But he is an actual puppy like w his long eyelashes and pouty face like oh my god and he is getting cuter everyday???? Like actually tho he’s doing it on purpose and I can’t handle it?? When did he plan this I can’t believe how frickin cute he is being lately! He’s such a soft fluff and he’s always so strong for the other members and they look up to him so much and he is one of the best groups leaders I’ve ever seen just bc of how much they all respect and listen to him:)Yoon Jeonghan (hannie) - so this pos… jkjk (kinda) hannie is “svt’s angel” bc he was born on 1004 the pretty vocalist who everyone knows as the guy in seventeen w long hair SOOO the thing w hannie is he is like the most beautiful man in kpop like his face is so pretty and his features too like?? How?? He seems like he would be feminine but he is actually one of the most (if not the most) manly members of svt!! But he gets tired so fast tho he is rated #13 in stamina and they call him lying-jeonghan bc he’s always lying down lol. But oh my god he is such a piece of trash I cannot believeeeee on tumblr I have a tag dedicated to all the times hannie has been a piece of shit I’ll link it to you if you want but like he cheats and lies in EVERY GAME THEY HAVE EVER PLAYED NO JOKE and even if they’re not competing he is always the first to call someone out and he is just such a ho i die like he is not svt’s angel at all BUTTTTTTTT he is actually so hardworking like even if he’s tired they’ve said that he keeps practicing and ugh he’s good… he has dubbed himself mother of svt and generally everyone p much agrees w him! Hannie and seungcheol call the other members “kids” and it is the purest thingJoshua Hong/Hong Jisoo(kor) (shuaaa) - everyone kinda knows josh as the American gentleman w his sweet voice and sick English skills (side note whenever he speaks eng tho he always stutters and I’m like boy why but it’s super cute and ilh) and he can speak five languages (supposedly) he plays guitar and he’s rlly Christian too lol so he’s the resident “church oppa” as the kids say these days and he has a cute cartilage piercing w a cross aw (he also recently got his tragus pierced and damn it looks good but anyway) Also his peach hair was such a good time like wow. Shua seems rlly quiet and I mean he is but oh my god he is so fucking extra LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE BECAME SO EXTRA IDK WAS HE ALWAYS THIS WAY BUT I DIDNT SEE PAST HIS CAT EYES AND SWEET VOICE LIKE WHO KNOWSSSS but he does this pin drop dance thing way too often but it’s hilarious and the members are obsessed w it bc he always says he has a hard time w dance and choreo and this is his only dance move (but tbh he’s actually p good at dancing like i never rlly notice he falls behind or anything except that one time performing pretty u where he started his part too early but that actually created a new part of the choreo they ended up using for a bit fun fact)… that and his samba aka my url sambashua (technically he doesn’t actually samba tho I’m p sure he’s doing the merengue but it’s okay shua I still love u) He’s also a fricking nerd for anime which is great i love it. Josh and Vernon are rlly close bc English buds and they’re the memeist together also him and jeonghan are a true ship bc they came to pledis at the same time and they’re cute

Wen Junhui/Moon Junhui(kor) aka Jun - so jun is ½ of china line and ¼ foreign line. A dancing noodle from southeast China wow (I say noodle bc he is a skinny bean and also v flexible bc he does martial arts things wow) he did Kung Fu in china for a long as heck time and does a lot of kicky things and flips and he’s super cool ALSO FUN FACT: HIS NAME IS JUN AND HE WAS BORN IN JUNE WOOHOO a lot of people assume he’s like sly/greasy but that’s mostly him in like interviewy shows?? But in reality shows and vlives he is actually just such a cute sweet bean and he loves the members so much! He was a child actor in china and was p famous I think for a while?? But he learned Korean p well before he joined pledis (their label btw idk if you know or not lol) BUT EVEN FROM DEBUT HIS PRONUNCIATION HAS KEPT IMPROVING IM SO PROUD a lot of people cal him the true visual of svt (tbh I don’t like that bc they’re all beautiful don’t put anyone down ah) BUT HE IS SO HANDSOME LIKE DAMN BOY HE’S GOT SUCH NICE FEATURES AND HE IS THE CUTEST BEAN IN THE WORLD Alsoooo several of the members have dubbed him svt’s mother bc he’s super encouraging and “endless positivity jun” and he pays special attention to minghao they have the purest friendship!! (plz give him lines)Kwon Soonyoung aka Hoshi (HOSH) - DANCE MASTER AND PERF TEAM LEADER OF SEVENTEEN LIKE OKAY ALL OF PERF TEAM IS SO TALENTED I CAN’T BELIEVE BUT SOONYOUNG IS SO INCREDIBLE HE CAN CREATE DANCES ANYTIME ANYWHERE AND HE EXECUTES THEM SO WELL?? His stage name Hoshi means star in Japanese bc he shines in stage! And he knows Japanese pretty well I don’t think he’s fluent but he cute cute cute!! Anyway people rec him to go on hit the stage (WHICH I AM SO HERE FOR (but also let him rest he needs a break dear god they all do)) he creates all of svt’s dances wow (w help from perf team ofc) but he is actually the squishiest sweetest boy off stage but then on stage he completely transforms into whatever concept like he can take on anything?? I would not have assumed dark concept would work for him BUT BOY HOWDY IT DOES he turns from adorable hamster to sexy dance god in .2 seconds i don’t understand how people who bias him survive tbh… He is also SHINee’s biggest fan oh my god and the fact that he now stands on the same stages as them literally blows his mind he is such a fanboy i love♥ HE CARES FOR HIS MEMBERS SO MUCH (I realize I’ve said this abt everyone but hey hey they have a lot of love) he wrote HIGHLIGHT as his first time ever helping produce/write lyrics and I’m so proud:D AND HIS VOICE HIS SO GOOD he’s just so bouncy and good and so attractive??? He goes by 10:10 bc his eyes are like the hands of a clock at 10:10 wowie and EYE SMILES FOR DAYS~ just a sweet lil bab w a pure heart honestlyJeon Wonwoo (wonu aka the loml) - goddammit I hate jeon wonwoo JKJK OKAY SO JEON WONWOO IS MY ULT BIAS IMMA DO MY BEST TO KEEP THIS CONCISE BUT IDK HOW IT’S GONNA GO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY! jeon frickin wonwoo has the deepest voice in svt and is known for his deep, smooth rap style wow (his rap style is really unique like if you listen to it it sort of ebbs and flows w the music and he drags out notes sometimes it’s so nice fuck) he sings all the time it’s so great and the members always ask him to read things bc (he’s good at reading generally and) he has his nice deep voice ahh~ JEON FRICKIN WONWOO IS THE BIGGEST DORK IN THE WHOLE WORLD jeon wonwoo enjoys making bad puns and reading books (esp romance ones I hate him). The other members act like they hate his jokes but they always laugh at what he says and when he was gone (rip he was sick for a couple months from end of may ish to july ish) they mentioned that they missed his dumb jokes (and so did I). He considers himself to be the best looking (what a ho) and he is naturally skinny which a lot of the members are jealous of (but tbh this could be partially because he has a lot of health issues and allergies I just want to care for him and make him food and feed him forever so he gets fat and happy help me) On one fine day he was dubbed the garden fairy and also jeon wonwoo bag of luck oh my god I am so embarrassed by him (jk I love him w the entirety of my heart in case you couldn’t tell) Some of my favorite things abt wonwoo are his little nose crinkles when he smiles and his glasses that look just so cute on him and when he wears big sweaters and then he has sweater paws and he looks so cuddly and soft. He is also so boastful like he is always the first one to support himself it’s so funny but he doesn’t exactly brag it’s more confidence idk but he’s also rlly smart and good at acrostic poems bc he reads so much:) He also always cheers for other members when they want him to i.e. seungkwan when he cheers for himself. He seems shy when he’s on talk shows but I think he just wants to let other people talk but on vlives he always whispers to other members aND I JUST WANT HIM TO SPEAK UP! JEON WONU TELL US WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY but in conclusion I am in love with him and would def recommend anyone to bias him bc honestly he is a good bias just bc he is chill and pure and funny and beautiful (even tho sometimes he’s MIA and quiet as heck pshhh)Lee Jihoon aka Woozi - vocal team leader and producer of p much all their lit ass tunes!! 10/10 MOST HARDWORKING MEMBER OUT OF SVT I’M SORRY IF YOU DISAGREE BUT JIHOON WORKS SO HARD ALL THE TIME I’M SO WORRIED FOR HIM HE NEEDS A BREAK!! It’s so heartbreaking tho if you ever want to cry and cough up your lungs bc of sobs then watch SVT Project where he talks abt how he feels so much pressure and feels like their success or failure is riding on him bc he writes all their music and will determine if they will be any good:(((( BUT OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE A BIG HIT BC JIHOONIE IS SUPER TALENTED AND MAKES THE BEST UPBEAT FUNKY FRESH POP TUNES OF THE CENTURY~ he is one of (if not the) shortest male idols at the moment at a staggering 165cm/5'4"! But it’s so great bc he doesn’t try to hide his heigh and he is considered and “inspiration to short men” according to one fashion report. The members always say he is rlly manly but on camera he acts cute and 10/10 appreciate it bc he is the cutest ever but only subtly… like he embarrassingly/shyly covers his face so cutely and gets angry so adorably where he just glares aw (he has also confirmed that he considers himself to be more cute than scary) woozi is a abbreviation of “our jihoon” which is the cutest asjkdhskl. He is also seventeen’s grandpa bc he is rlly not too hip at all but they try to help him out anyway! He also winks 24/7 lol. His voice is rlly clear and piercing like he often sings parts of the chorus and his voice draws you in idk it’s nice:) he trained for the second longest amount after scoops (5 years) so they’re super close bc they were together longer than the other membersLee Seokmin aka Dokyeom/DK - an actual ray of sunshine w the most incredible vocals like wow! He is svt’s “happy virus” and boy does he own it!! He is always smiling and laughing and making jokes he is the cutest I stg… He also has a more built figure physically and it’s hot as heck tbh. He, seungkwannie and soonyoung make up the “booseoksoon” trio which is basically the extra/mc/always laughing squad and they are such close friends it’s the cutest ever boo and hosh think he’s the funniest person in the world I love it!! Seokmin also puts a lot of pressure on himself bc he’s main vocal and I feel like he’s super underrated???? But he went on King of Masked Singer and I think he made it through two or three rounds? Anyway he did rlly rlly good (even tho honestly think he has way more potential than what he showed) and I hope it boosted his confidence bc he is incredible!! The judges assumed he was from an older group bc his voice was so mature eeeee!! HE IS SO LOUD OH MY GOD one time they said that the CEO could hear him practicing from the 4th floor while he was in the basement I- He is always the first person to make fun of himself and he doesn’t mind being the brunt of a joke as long as he gets people to laugh it’s adorable:)) He always brings up the mood and helps out the members whenever there is awkwardness w being filmed and such JUST SUPPORT THIS SUNNY BOY HE HAS SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY IN HIS HEART!!Kim Mingyu - the tallest bean on the block and svt’s “visual tree” at a staggering 190cm/6'1" (correct me if I’m wrong I didn’t look this up) but I’m p sure he has grown recently bc he is getting taller everyday I swear? He’s got some good rap mhmm~ But he is such a clumsy pup and the members always make fun of him but it’s okay bc he can take it (he has the best reaction so that’s why they do it) He is dropping things and tripping 25/8 and it’s the cutest thing! But “housewife ming” can legit do anything like he is a true man of many talents damn i.e. cooking, hairstyling, acting, cleaning… But he is so so pretty like who the heck allowed him to be this attractive?? Gyu goes from super visual savior to fluffy pup on the daily and it’s too much to handle… Idk he seems like he might be super cool and chic when you first see him but he is actually just a giggly fool always having a hard time… Mingyu is the only one in svt that I would call the “visual” (only bc he is officially the visual i think they are literally gorgeous okay!!) but he is actually rlly insecure abt it and only calls himself “aspiring visual” and it’s mostly bc of his dark complexion WHICH IS COMPLETELY FLAWLESS AND SO BEAUTIFUL STOP WHITEWASHING KIM MINGYU PLZ but i rlly commend him for being visual despite common opinions/standards on skin color in korea. A lot of people (okay most people) ship him and wonwoo (aka meanie) and I do too, don’t get me wrong, but my all time favorite ship is mingyu and minghao (aka gyuhao) bc same age, they act like they hate each other but are actually super supportive (one of my fave tropes blah) and idk they’re both just confused pups help me and w that transition…

Xu Minghao/Seo Myungho(kor) aka The8 (i never call him the8 ever srry b i don’t like it idk ah) - our “cool cutie” from northeast(i think) China with the most killer bboying skills i’ve ever seen in kpop! He now introduces himself as “The8 with infinite possibilities” and he has been growing more and more as an artist and a person I’m so proud of him!! He trained for the shortest amount of time (~1year+2months i believe) and he really struggled w Korean when he first started. Even after debut he was very quiet but he has been talking more and more lately and he has been doing so well!! Minghao is cute as heck but he is also (along w hannie) svt’s Resident Savage™ and the main usage of his Korean improvement has gone into calling out the other members w his incredible comebacks. Two of his favorite targets seem to be soonyoung and mingyu but he rlly doesn’t hold back on anyone (except maybe jun bc they are such good buddies bc china line and jun helps him w his korean asjkklfjls) But anyway he is an incredible dancer and singer and also rapper!! (give him more lines plz plz plz) vernon has been helping him w his korean rapping but he is already one lit mandarin rapper like damn… But minghao is the most supportive member of svt (hear me out) whenever they do broadcasts or radio shows minghao always gives thumbs ups/supportive smiles/high fives it is the purest thing and part of the reason I love him sm!!! He’s also super cuddly and is always touching/hugging the other members asjkltfasd. Sometimes he doesn’t quite understand a question and the other members help explain it to him it’s my favorite concept (it’s usually soonyoung or seungcheol but i’ve seen p much all of them do it) lately he has been getting more meme-y and idk how to feel but as long as he’s getting out of his comfort zone I am immensely proud of him:))

Boo Seungkwan (boo) - the other main vocal in svt and just generally the loudest and usually mc for the group. Boo has some of the most incredible vocals i’ve seen in my life and he sings probably my favorite cover duet of all time (the high note around 3:05 makes me emotional every time istg also their reactions are me) He’s so talented and his voice is so clear and nice and his RANGE! I could go on forever… To describe seungkwan in two words would be sweet and sassy… He is part of maknae/baby line but he’s always calling people out and bossing them around it’s hilarious. (he is generally hilarious tbh) Also he’s a huge volleyball program nerd it’s great (and possibly haikyuu!! but not confirmed) He’s commonly referred to as divaboo and the video just seungkwan things captures all his divaness perfectly 10/10 would rec! He’s also super english-y all the time probably bc he spends so much time w vernon which is great for us international fans whoop whoop. But back to him being sweet- even though he is definitely his own biggest fan (in the most adorable way omg) he is also svt’s biggest fan he always cheers on his members it’s so cute he’s so soft and good! He cares so much for the fans and he’s head of the Seventeen Fan Cafe (i think) and he’s great abt interacting w carats and all that fanservicey stuff:) He is also super underappreciated honestly support him bc he supports everyone else even tho he’s rlly insecure abt his looks and body even tho he is the most beautiful boo w THE BEST CHEEKBONES IN THE UNIVERSE HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE THINGS DAMN BOY

Hansol Vernon Chwe/Choi Hansol(kor) aka Vernon (bernonie) - One of the most well-known members of svt bc he’s half white and was also a child actor. He has some of the most lit raps tbh and i’m p sure every single one (or almost) has english in it lol. His mom is white and American and his dad is from Korea. Technically he was born in New York, USA BUT BUT BUT he moved to korea when he was five so he doesn’t remember it like at all and every host ever asks him abt it and he always has to say he is basically korean and JUST LET HIM LIVE but since his mom speaks english he is fluent in it (but he has said he is better at korean) He is super super visual and he gets more attractive every day like who the heckkk. Hansol is one of the more popular members so a lot of people would expect him to be outgoing (or even douchey bc he’s half white which is dumb yet it happens) but he is one of the quietest members and usually doesn’t speak up in interviews and such bc he’s kinda shy! BUT THIS DOES NOT I REPEAT DOES NOT MEAN HE IS NOT A MEME!! VERNON IS CONFIRMED THE MEMEIST MEMBER OF SVT ALONG W JOSHUA DON’T FIGHT ME. At this point he has even been dubbed “memesol” bc he makes the best reaction faces in recorded history dear god. He also finds literally everything so hilarious and definitely laughs the most whenever the other members do anything. But honestly he is a super cute, sweet pup who deserves a whole lotta love!! also kinda unrelated but one of my favorite posts of all time is dedicated to him i don’t even know…

Lee Chan aka Dino (MY SON) - I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START W THIS LIL BAB! Lee Chan is svt’s “small giant” maknae who is Michael Jackson’s #1 Fan™ and literal dancing machineeee! He has grown so much since debut i cannot believe and he is getting more confident MY BOY! Honestly his glow up should be some kinda world record bc oh my god it hasn’t even been two years?? AND HIS RAP HAS IMPROVED SO MUCH LIKE EVEN FROM JAM JAM TO OMG Vernon rapped most of jam jam but then in omg chan rapped all of it by himself!!!! ALSO EVEN FROM OMG TO HIGHLIGHT NOW HE TRANSITIONS FROM RAPPING STRAIGHT INTO SINGING WITH THE SAME BREATH I CANNOT BELIEVE!! But he is so creative and funny and full of energy!! He helps hoshi w most of the dances (i think he did most of the choreo for jam jam) and his stage name is dino bc when he steps on the stage he takes it over and becomes a big presence like a dinosaur which is so creative??? he also graduated high school a while back and then just too his entrance exams!! I’m so proud!! But he tries so hard to keep improving and he’s just so pure and has a complete heart of gold♥ He also aspires to be an mc and he works rlly hard to improve his skills on that front too! Chan is so incredibly talented, but again not a whole lot of people bias him which is crazy???? Bc he is so hansome and also my son?? also lowkey savage af But all the members love him a whole lot and he is their baby, even though he is now “an adult” but srry bun no one will probably ever stop calling him baby (esp jeonghan)

#asks #atshinee #svt #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua #junhui #soonyoung #wonwoo #jihoon #seokmin #mingyu #minghao #seungkwan #hansol #chan #THIS IS TOO LONG

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jess-oh · 6 years

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Reflection

hey journal,

it’s been a while.

um. i think i like jason. and im so conflicted. i think that’s why i keep thinking im crossing a line. bc i just care so much for him and genuinely want the best for him and i thought i was just being a good friend at first but he’s going through a pretty rough time and i just want to be there for him. and i am so quick to drop whatever im doing for his benefit and i do have a really good time with him but i also know he’s dating angela and i want to respect that bc of the relationship and bc they’re both my friends. and i have imagined myself going out with david as well but i can definitely more easily talk to him as a friend whereas i have a hard time even looking at jason bc i do think hes very physically attractive. i think i am very much in love with him bc hes such a good person and i know he deserves so much. and i think that’s why ive been so judgmental of angela lately and believing they wont last. bc i want to be dating him instead. but i definitely dont want to overstep anything. but hes always so quick to listen, so selfless, humble, caring, kind, generous, compassionate, and most of all—genuine. and i really just want the best for him. but i do think him and angela are trying really hard to make this work and i know that they both thought a lot about it. i found out he, along with james and moonhee, felt overprotective of angela bc she’s never been in a relationship and it hasnt been that long since he broke up with jiwoon. but she seemed pretty eager and wanted to do it and he liked her first so they went for it and i am happy for them. and i dont want to ruin that. that’ll just create unnecessary drama and no one needs that. especially not in a church environment. i just want the best for them both. honestly. and i have to accept that that might not include me. but i just get really happy when i see him happy or excited and doing well. i really really do care about him. i do. and we’ll just see what happens from here. i do want to get closer to him as a friend and thats honestly part of the reason why i want to stay in chicago so that i’ll have that opportunity. and i know it’s so dumb and i shouldnt base my decision off of that but i do really like him and want to grow closer to him. hes a really great friend of mine and i hate how awkward we are on long drives home sometimes. i just want him to know that im there for him and always will be bc i care so deeply and genuinely for him. really. ive really loved being ableot help him out and chat more with him recently. i love getting to know him more. i really do. and ive been pretty distracted recently and havent been talking much with andrew but im hoping that we can tonight and i can tell him all about this and get his opinion. i think, especially with the past few weeks, we’ve both been pretty busy. especially me. and i’ve been really MIA as a result. so im pretty out of the loop and havent been paying much attention to him or sofia. and i’d be lying if i said i wasnt still a little salty with the whole bobby thing but im trying to just let it go and not let it affect the present. i was just really turned off by their attitudes toward the whole situation. anyways, i do miss talking to him bc it has been a while and i am hoping we can have a really long talk again. just about different things. not necessarily deep and intimate and emotional things but just to carry a conversation for hours between the two of us.

that’s another thing. ive been scolding jason a lot lately and i think it’s bc i like him. it’s a “im mean to the people i love” kinda thing. i think i’ve also been kinda scared to face it so thats been my coping mechanism against it.

and i know that ive been quick to judge jason and angela in the past. theyre supposed to be these great figures and leaders for Movement so whenever they didnt do something—go to an event, sign up to read the Bible, etc. I judged them negatively for it. I thought they weren’t doing a good enough job and failed to see them as humans and students. just because thats the culture that i grew up with doesnt mean they did as well. it was probably more chill and laid back. they werent held to such high expectations.

but i do wish i could go home. i am pretty homesick and i do want to rest back in california but i also know how expensive it is to be paying for an apartment that i dont live in. and i know that i’ll be refueled by Christ if I do go back home but im also kinda scared to return to Sa-Rang. I don’t think I’m in a place that’s strong enough yet to stand my ground against everyone. i think most people grew up super sheltered there and are pretty quick to judge those that have been in that “worldly” lifestyle. their problems were never about addiction. it was about family or friends or trying not to fall to that lifestyle but never actually experiencing it. and i have struggled with alcohol and depression and suicidal thoughts and it wasnt always so surface level. people there have no idea how easy their lives are. how could they ever really understand the struggle if they have never experienced it? and im afraid that i’ll be even more ostracized bc they dont understand my struggles. i feel like whenever i’ve come to an upperclassman for help, they didnt know what to tell me. i see how loving and supportive they can be in other situations and thats great and im happy for them but they could never understand my problems. i feel like those that do fall into depression tend to take time to themselves by temporarily leaving the church until theyre ready to come back and thats the situation im in too. and im not ready yet. so for now, im too afraid to go back to that church. not now. not like this. and im so conflicted bc it is always so nice to be around other people that had a similar upbringing to myself and away from the culture at school where no one really understands chopsticks or the commonality of eating rice everyday. it’s not normal for them but it is for me and i do want to be around other people that share my similar interests bc thats not something i get at school. i think it’s really important for me to grow up around other people that i can relate to and especially at columbia, i dont get that. the only koreans ive met have been dana, who is half korean, and 3 international students. ive meet 3 more chinese international students. 1 japanese international student. and the members of ASO, and im rounding to about 10 people. im usually the only asian or colored person in general. if im not, theres 1 other black person. if im not the only asian, which has only happened twice, then theres 1 more. the korean international students in my ITM class and Anushka, the Indian girl from Graphic Design II. im so whitewashed bc thats the community i grew up in. my parents never spoke korean to me growing up so i lost it. and i miss it. a lot. it’s a lost art that i would love to regain. and i miss it a lot too. i am all for diverse churches and i dont think they should be so exclusive to one particular culture. but i cant help feeling more at home and comfortable in predominantly korean environments bc thats never something that i had access to growing up.

sigh. but yeah. i do miss california. i would love to be with and hangout with my friends and family. i really would. and i miss them a lot. and i love them a lot. and i would give so much just to be home with them. but from a financial standpoint, especially right now, it just doesnt make a lot of sense. i would have to sleep on my parents’ floor. i wouldnt have access to water or gas. i wouldnt be able to go downstairs or cook. i wouldnt have a summer job nor would i be gaining any work experience for the future. it’d be pretty pointless. but i would be home. i would be able to spend time with my grandparents. i would be able to go out on dates with my family and friends. and i would be at home. yes, i wouldnt have a job. yes, it’d be a waste of money to pay for an empty apartment in chicago. yes, i would be burning through my saved money fast whenever i go out. but i would be home. and that almost seems worth it. so i kinda hope i dont get the internship, i know my interview went super well and i know i for sure got it. but i hope i didnt. bc then i’ll know it’s a sign from God, telling me to go home. Because I would really love to.

i also dont know if i wrote about this but im getting to be on better terms with p josh and im glad. im pretty open with him, though i am still a bit afraid at times. but i am excited to grow alongside him this coming year. i really am.

#reflection

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hightigervision · 7 years

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Beach Reach 2017 #2

There was not much free time during Beach Reach to keep up with a journal the way I intended. Since it’s still fresh in my mind two days after it was over, and because I don’t want to peer over the details that might seem insignificant in future’s retrospect, I will continue posting memories of events that occurred that I consider significant to me and whatever i feel. Over the week, one of the most significant things to me was my developing relationship with Adeline Capps who is a college sophomore BSM regular. I noticed a lot of my conscious time was spent next to and with her more than any other Beach Reacher comparable only to my time with Micah and Gabriel. I intentionally spent time around her and it seemed that she intentionally spent time around me. The thought of the latter makes our time together feel more special especially since she had established friends among the BSMers present, and there were, to my knowledge, other “strangers” and Reachers she could’ve gotten to know better but seemed to want/rather spend time with me. She never showed a single shred of disrespect and was always encouraging, excited and exciting even when tired, willing to engage in conversation when exhausted, happy, joyful, and mostly so in love with God. We sat next to or near each other in a few of our van rides, sermon-worships at the large Convention center and when eating at there as well, the ride over to South Padre and the ride back from South Padre, the beach cleanup where we shared the same trash bag- and the only other pair I saw sharing a bag being the couple Kevin and Annika (Kevannika or Annikevin lol), and also when we were handing out cards to Spring Breakers on the beach shore. In fact, when we came across one subparty a guy offered me a beer which I accepted since my take on it is that I think it to be better to take the alcohol and dispose of it later so someone else won’t have it. The guy pressed me to at least toast with him after I said I’ll drink it later, and so I did and I believe he continued to press it on me to drink it in which I responded with cracking it open and taking a sip that felt to be about around half of foam. My group being me and Adeline separate from them and I wanted to take more sips from the can as I walked to the trashcan, which I believe her to immediately propose after we walked away from them. I think there was a slight back and forth between her telling me or suggesting I throw it away and me wanting to drink it, and she kept an eye on me to make sure I threw it away in the trashcan.

I am glad I approached things platonically and convinced myself that I was still in the stage of not looking for a romantic relationship. This made it easier to approach her especially since I had started to get insecurities of my image. I intentionally looked away whenever she bent over, rear in my direction and am proud of this. There few moments when I imagined having sex with her, but distracted myself with something else because I knew it was bad and because I didn’t want those bad thoughts about her, thinking it would taint my perception of her.

There were moments of worship where I turned toward her and noticed every time her hands open and facing up and with closed eyes. She had memorized the lyrics, and/or perhaps so in tuned with God that the Holy Spirit was guiding/singing through her. I appreciated her so much it makes me happy thinking about how she affected me. After my long talk with friendly/open atheist John Gilbert featuring Micah (real name Tristan Villarreal), I was asked in the van how my conversation with him went, and an interruption or two, necessary or not, she asked me to continue. After our convention center worships/eating (or maybe that was the day where we only ate) my group of over 20 Corpus Christian Reachers was told to go to a corner and share some things. In retrospect I think were to told to share things we think we could improve on since I recall Ethan, Micah, and Gabe sharing personal things. In the moment I revealed I was struggling with spirituality and connection with God and that I was finding short snippets of connection and fulfillment in prayer and worship but very temporary. It was something I was chasing since I believed I was able to stop sinning and fend off temptation on my own strength and discipline but still felt emptyish and distant from God and asked for supportive prayers. I scanned my eyes over the crowd as I was revealing something I didn’t want to keep to myself any longer and there, in complete stillness, her face deadlocked on me with unmoving eyes, it looked like she wanted to hear what I had to say. I assume others were doing so, but she was obvious in being attentive on me and what I had to say in both situations (the van ride after the John Gilbert 2.5 hr convo at the Claytons ground work and during the personal convention circle). I also remember she was excited to hear how the interaction went with the first person to get a ride from one of our vans, a guy named Javi who sat next to me in which I took charge of talking to after not wanting to and rather would’ve heard a vet do so, but the realized I had probably the most Engage Training experience that I was most suitable for the moment. We had an interesting conversation. I used Koukl’s Columbo Tactics and an article’s tactics when he said the bible is unreliable (Re: What do you mean by that?) bc of it being translated and passed down (Re: how did you come to that conclusion?), huh.. idk, human nature (Re: derivative of question 3 by directly bringing in historical record and evidence that the scripture we have now is 99percent reliable bc of original copies) I still don’t believe jesus (Re: what would it take?) he has to talk to me in my head (Re: why would it take that?) for Him to talk to me in my head (Re: why would it take that?) it just would. He was obviously stubborn, and was told by Micah that he’ll use “How did you come to that conclusion?” in the future, which he used during our convo with John Gilbert. Micah and Abbey both said that hearing me and Javi talk helped Micah and the group, repsectively, which was encouraging. Javi was drunk, walking to Dallas bc his friends were being mean and rude for reasons and ways he was not disclosing, and not picking up his phone for said/unsaid reasons. He was being stubborn, we didn’t know where to drop him off, he said if we dropped him off anywhere he would just continue walking to Dallas, didn’t want to be dropped off to his freinds, and made the drive more difficult, but it did buy me time to show the others how to handle a convo with a skeptic. But it exposed me even more to people aware of their personal (unintellectual) bias against Christianity, the priors being Keith Parsons, Kat of the Atheist IF club (moral superiority), John Gilbert (for rules he didnt want to follow bc he wanted to follow his own rules), Ian Youngworth (programmed to).

We played games together at the convention center like cards and Kevin’s category forehead phone game. She also didnt seem too fond of humor that were unchristianlike which is revealed her Christianlike nature. She was an example of what I should strive for, being so happy when also when she said on a walk back to the Schlitterbahn hotel “Isn’t it cool/great how God works (”sometimes”?)”? I liked the moments as was sitting next to me, something I interpreted as a signal, a signal that I liked. I also recall the moment Joe Osteen during Convention center sermon told his romance story about his current wife and mother to his at least 3 children started off as a friendship in his BSM, I immediately thought of Adeline for a split second as she was sitting right of me, then Gabriel NoLies Garcia who was sitting to the left of me looked at me, laughed a little, and hinted at me about Adeline which I responded with a “smfmfsf” and smirk as if the idea was childish and immature. Beginning/during a convention center sermon she said she was cold, and after seeing encouragement from Kevin Raglin (black Kev) sitting on the opposite side of her, I gave her my Beach Reach hoodie then smirked at him as well pretending to not-wanting/wanting-not to do so. I reminded him about it when I said something along the lines of “why did you tell me to give it to her?”, but I forgot his response. On the way back to Corpus I mentioned I was cold, and though I’m not sure if she asked if I wanted a jacket, she willfully gave me her jacket. Though I believe it to be possible then and now, I preferred not to be bothered and burdened about romance like I used to in my past. We also had an enjoyable time where her and Devin laughed nonstop when me and Josh were doing a back and forth between all of us, and once again, she was sitting next to me. Josh occasionally mentioned eating cute animals, I recall only bunnies, and knowing that it pushed her button I discouraged it. One of the last signals I remember was when we were leaving Schlitterbahn and I didn’t want to be in a particular van, so I checked another van and it turned out to have Adeline in it, and she asked if I was going to be in that van. I knew I wanted to, but I wanted to keep myself from looking obvious about wanting to be with her and came up with something to say, but I ended up sitting next to her anyway. I also was able to engage in theological discussion with her related to topics I was struggling with a few topics that got brought up through my conversation with Valley native John Gilbert, in the van and in Chick-fil-A which through the help of Chick-fil-A present Zach (one of her better friends) and got me to learn he is more knowledgeable than I thought. We also talked about Catholicism before a sermon in our sermon seats, which can be categorized as a theologicial discussion, and she said her grandma was Catholic. Me, Sam, and Adeline also talked about Joel Osteen when Gabe asked about him. Talking about the Prosperity Gospel, it made me realize she knew what she was talking about when it came to Joel Osteen (megachurch, city, and name on wall included) and the Prosperity Gospel heresy. So that can also be classified under theological discussion. There was also the time where she searched for Giovanni Lopez on instagram when she asked if a certain account was him, her and Micah being the only people interested enough to help me on outreach with people, Micah offering advice but her actually putting effort in searching for him. He was the first guy I knowingly led to Christ on the spot. I explained/summarized my intellectual/research testimony to him after he said he looked into other religions and found buddhism satisfactory. I explained the circumstances he overcame for the resurrection, and the fulfiment of prophecies against all odds, and my realization being that the only way those things could happen is if Jesus is God. (I don’t want you to waste time like I did, I want to be your shortcut-Erik to Giodude snapchat).

We shared mutual pleasure for animals and mutual struggle in our speech, something I noticed and made known, the former through expression of emotion and the latter verbally. We also shared a connection with San Saba. She said her grandpa was from there and that some of her family was from there, and at that point which was during the way back to Corpus, I felt comfortable enough to say “my ex-girlfriend is from San Saba”. She explained that she probably saw Payton [Johnson] growing up but didnt know who he was, and after Ethan’s personal and emotional testimony heavily involving the help of Payton relieving him of Ethan’s life-consuming anxiety, it started me get me to think that Payton broke up with Andrea bc she wasn’t a good Christian influence. The more time spent with BSM the more Christian he seems to be. Andrea also told me that there was a girl who convinced Payton to break up with her, and it might’ve been Adeline, and when I realized that possibility, it gave me more closure about Andrea breaking up with me and made me appreciate Payton and Adeline more, especially bc Andrea said Payton’s reaosn was because he wanted to focus more on God and that perhaps Adeline wanted to be a good Christian influence, and also because the both of them are Engage Training leaders! The conclusion relating to Andrea is still mostly conjecture at this point however.

Our rooms were right next to each other so we walked toward our rooms together a couple of times, and one time I expressed interest in seeing her and her roommates’ room under the guise of being curious of how my room would looked inverted. I already knew how my room looked inverted bc of the times I visited Memethan (Ethan Leos), Josh’s, Zach Rios, and Micah’s room, but I wanted to be and spend more time with her without realizing that her roommates were probably in there. I spotted someone in their restroom with my peripheral and used that as an excuse to leave (girl in the bathroom are icky) once I realized that most of the other girls saw I was coming in and that I wouldnt get one-on-one time with her.

I repeatedly displayed respectful actions toward her like holding doors open for her I think, moving a seatbelt that might’ve been in her way, and she did similar actions as well. We were both children of military parents, her dad being active during her life making her a military brat, and my dad being ex-special forces by the time I was born. She liked Chacos sandals and I country music, and I elaborated on my experience with country music. I also mentioned my increased appreciation of music after observing patterns and structure in music, leading me to music theory, and country music remaining uninteresting to me, became the only genre (besides perhaps classical) that isn’t distracting. I also mentioned my appreciation for profootball increased when the Cowboys did well and got me to look more into the the football sphere, as I educated myself more on it. Maybe these things got her to realize I’m intellectually inclined, though that wasn’t the purpose, I kinda wanted her to know my thoughts on these two things whenever sports and music got brought up. One thing relevant to sports- my talk with MSU Middle Linebacker Mr. Overall (humble Christian who tackled Ezekiel Elliot in middle school and a lifter/wrestler with big traps) got me talking more about sports along with other people I talked to about sports while she was in the same van, also got me to let her know that knowing sports was helpful. Maybe not super significant but at this point I’d like to know more moments I had with Adeline.

When we were sharing a trashbag during the beach clean up, I felt a little fickle about sharing with her about how I felt about her. Pretty much all I said was that I appreciated getting to know her more/better during the trip, literally, and it was the only explicit verbal communcation pertaining to my appreciation of our developed relationship and interactions. I mentioned a couple of sentences ago that I was fickle about telling her that, but realized it was probably the best time to do so since it was toward the end (actually the second to last day of beach reach), and we were alone with a simple task, and I took advantage of it. I remember taking pictures of the beautiful beach with my phone and later purposefully took pictures of the beach/water/sunrise-ish horizon with her in it while she wasn’t looking, making sure to get a good shot of both in one.

There was also something related to her that troubled me. Annika had posted a candid picture of her in Group Me that looked like she was sad, scared, worried, a mix of bad emotions. It struck me giving me the same emotions and I didn’t want her to feel that automatically wanting her to not feel that. At that moment I knew I consciously cared about her which was probably the first time I was honest about her to myself.

We sat near each other in Wing stop where I got the table to start saying ‘moist’ every sentence: her pet peeve. It was pretty funny at first, saying things like, these wings are moist, and banana bread is particularly moist, and water is pretty... moist. Micah said to respect/honor our neighbors and I stopped after that and tried encouraging the others to stop. I promoted “dry” humor, referencing food items like crackers, and posted a desert meme in Group Meme (she found funny) which she openly expressed gratitude when I mentioned dry humor. The others at the table continued anyway, and she said it was okay and laughed with her usual upbeat smile.

When we ate at the playground/park underneath/by the blue watertowrad across the church we sat at the same tables where I recall intentionally sitting next to her because I could and because I wanted to. I think she also sat next to, if for the same reasons then it makes it even more special. Toward the end of the trip, after my emotional baptism, we hugged. One time while we were sitting next to each other in a van I wanted to lean my head on her, or was it Kevin? On the way back to Corpus for a moment I wanted to sit close to her bc I was tired and it felt more comfortable, and I also wanted to lay my head down on her lap so I could sleep comfortably. There were also a few times on the way back when I said something to her while she was in a drowsy/falling state and she immediately became attentive, smiling of course. There was also a time or two where I almost stopped myself from starting a sentence bc I didn’t want to wake her from her sleepyness. One thing we never did was pray together, but if anything, I think it would’ve made the prayers stronger. I recall she considers animals not deserving of suffering or something along the lines of that, like when it came to deer being spray-painted (freelunch), or our short talk about naturally aggressive dogs being raised in a loving home (pitbulls, walking back to shlitterbahn hotel).

There were details in here that I wanted to know for future reference. I realize toward the end of the typing all of this and going back to type more that I wanted to remember these details about her, knowing I wouldn’t mind forgetting certain memories with other people. My bias is obvious now. I will continue to pursue a developing relationship with her whether it ends platonically and she ends up being a sister, or something else, either way is satisfactory. In fact, if the latter does happen I believe it will be stronger than what was between me and Andrea, or at least more than what I had for Andrea. I say this because I asked Kevin about his and Annika’s relationship’s success, which he attributed to their initial agreement on keeping God first, something that me and Andrea didn’t do, which I attribute as a contributing factor to our break up along with her med road and desire to not experience guilt as a neglectful gf. The better experiences were toward the end more pleasant and closer than what I felt like we were in the beginning of the week.

In the end, I believed she helped shape me into being a better Christian closer toward her level which I love her for and lover her bc. This done so by me adjusting my behavior like my humor, looking away when she bentover, keeping it platonic in action and mind, her openness and silliness helping me open up and being more silly and fun and helping me have more fun, and perhaps her prayers after I revealed my personal struggle, the nature of opening up and getting closer friends from it and receiving prayers bc of it, all helped me get closer to God. This one young lady strong in her convictions and trust in God has gotten me to a level that made me cry the most times of happiness out of God’s love for me and my love for God, and making my eyes water as I type this, is what I’m most appreciative of. I’m so glad my experiences with her helped get me closer to God leading up to my emotional baptism, and me hugging my relatives, loving and feeling the Holy Trinity in my presence, something I don’t want to be distant from ever again.

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