confusionperfected

[confusionperfected]

I’m just not happy

But what does that even mean?

Don’t want to be here

#personal #life #writing #words #struggles #haiku #daily haiku #haiku poem #mental health

[confusionperfected]

“I withdraw from people and places from time to time. I need space from a world that is filled with millions of mouths that talk too much but never have anything to say.”

— Kaitlin Foster

[confusionperfected]

“My sensitivity is my strength” I scream to the heavens as I cry and wish to be anybody else.

#personal #words #writing #struggles #mental health #sensitive #hsp #hsp things #ironic #contradicting #I hate it #but I don’t want to

[confusionperfected]

The chain starts to break

Holding me down, stuck to you

I will free myself

#personal #words #writing #struggles #daily haiku #haiku #mental health #haiku poem #mother issues #mommy issues #cptsd #narcissistic mother #break free #pain #original poem

[confusionperfected]

To be human is

Pain, beauty, loss, growth; repeat

Help me understand

#personal #life #words #struggles #mental health #human #pain #beauty #struggle #loss #love #joy #to be human #writing #haiku #haiku poetry #daily haiku #original haiku #haiku on tumblr

[confusionperfected]

Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.

— George R. R. Martin

[confusionperfected]

Who I am is not

The worst person to exist

I’m doing my best

#personal #words #struggles #mental health #haiku #haiku poem #daily haiku

[confusionperfected]

It’s so hard facing the impact childhood has on us as adults. It’s the start of our lives and forms us into who we are inside. The traumas, lack of things needed, disfunction, it grows inside and it doesn’t leave. Then as an adult you’re forced to work through it all, push through, relearn, reparent, reteach. Things I should’ve had done for me, I must now do myself. The only one who can save me is myself. My mom can’t try again, I can’t be reborn or change my life experiences. I can’t change my dna or the person I was born to be. The sensitivity and emotional nature of who I am is not going away. But dammit I hope I’m strong enough to dive deep enough to dredge it all up, to finally learn to give myself the things, and teach myself the lessons, that I lacked. I’ve done so much work and so much still remains. That fact is overwhelming and scary, and brings me to tears. These parts of me that I need to change or get rid of are so deep seeded, so engrained into my thought processes and behaviors. I want to do the work, and I will. But I so wish I didn’t have to. I’m tired of the effort, I’m just so tired. I won’t give up though.

#personal #life #struggles #mental health #depression #cptsd #mommy issues #anxiety #trauma #childhood #pain #growth #sadness #exhaustion

[confusionperfected]

I just want to stop being a sad, angry person. I’m not good enough for myself and nothing is good enough for me. Fuck.

#personal #struggles #depression #cptsd #sad #sadness #depressed #anxious #not good enough #what will it take

[confusionperfected]

Sometimes I want to do nothing without feeling overwhelming guilt. I want to not do every single thing I planned without the mental back and fourth. I want to come home from work and actually relax. I want to learn to relax without it causing stress. The perfectionist in me and the wounded child cannot rest - even when she does it all, it’s not enough. I should be taking advantage of getting home early but accomplishing more tasks - not sitting on my bed doing nothing. I’ll tell my friends and loved ones to take care of themselves, rest, give themselves whatever TLC they need. But when it comes to myself, it’s a waste of time, I’m lazy, I’m not taking advantage of extra time. The peace I try to give others, I cannot give myself. Nothing is ever enough for me. I’m not enough for myself and I want to do better. Everything I do feels so minimal and easy yet I struggle to get through the days. It’s a mishmash of conflicting thoughts and disappointed feelings. Everyone deserves some time to rest. Why does it feel so wrong?

#personal #words #life #guilt #perfectionist #cptsd #struggles #not good enough #never enough for myself #rest #relaxation

[confusionperfected]

Winter sunsets on the Maine Coast..

#personal #life #iphone photography #ocean #water #peace #sunset #Maine #the way life should be #long expo #calming #beautiful #landscapes

[confusionperfected]

Trauma lives inside

Deep in your bones; it makes home

You’re not welcome here

#personal #poetry #poem #words #writing #spilled ink #writer #haiku #haikuoftheday #original haiku #daily haiku #ptsd #trauma #pain #anxiety #sadness #panic #depression

[confusionperfected]

Here we go again

Anniversary Effect

I feel it coming

#personal #poetry #poem #words #writing #spilled ink #writer #haiku #daily haiku #haiku poetry #original haiku #ptsd #trauma #anniversary effect #pain #anxiety

[confusionperfected]

It’s probably not normal

The level of exhaustion I feel

To just sit here

On my phone

Not moving, not working

It feels like the first time of the day I’ve stopped

My mind hasn’t, but it’s a start

Now even the most simple task seems daunting

My energy is spent

My brain has entered low battery mode

And I can’t find the charger

The five or six interrupted hours tonight

They’re really only enough to get me through till noon tomorrow

A constant cycle that can’t be reset

I’m running on an endless treadmill

Guess it makes sense why the exhaustion has made it’s home

Maybe tonight I’ll get to bed early

The countdown begins now

Though it’ll run out before I’m ready

A nightly occurrence

Maybe time is an illusion

But it controls my every move

I’ll make it to tomorrow

Awaking before my eyes have even closed

Wondering why my dreamland is full of fear

When not even sleep is a sanctuary

Where do I find peace?

#personal #poetry #poem #words #writing #spilled ink #writer #struggles #pain #sleep #exhaustion #mental health #depression #anxiety #ptsd #life #drowning #sleepy #just tired #pure exhaustion #free verse #free form #poems on tumblr #female writers

[confusionperfected]

My heart weighs heavy

Sometimes it’s too much, too strong

The internal war

#personal #poetry #poem #life #words #writing #spilled ink #struggles #pain #depression #anxiety #mental health #ptsd #haiku #daily haiku #haiku poem #daily poem

[confusionperfected]

"ما فاتك لم يُخلق لك وما خُلِق لك لن يفوتك، فاطمأن."

What you missed was not created for you and what was created for you will not be missed, so be assured.

[confusionperfected]

Unfortunately, you’re stuck with yourself. You’re not going anywhere. Your brain won’t become less complicated and your trauma won’t go away. Your learned responses may change and your coping skills will improve. But sometimes, you won’t be able to deny feeling like a tiny scared little girl. You won’t be able to pretend interacting with humans or forming close bonds is hard. But the thing is, you’re you. Might as well get to know yourself and your brain and learn to love the many layers and facets that make you the individual you are. All of your sides deserve love and especially self love.

#personal #words #writing #spilled ink #note to self #mental health #cptsd #depression #anxiety #I am who I am #unfortunately #and also fortunately #(I guess) #working on it