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astraystayyh · 9 months

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Invisible Thread- two.

This is the second and final part of Invisible Thread. Here is the link to part one.

pairing: minho x reader. pre-established relationship. reader has she/her pronouns.

genre: fluff and domesticity. angst. healing. characters trying to become better. humans being humans.

cw: parent death. grief. talk about death. allusion to sex but no smut. suggestive at one tiny part but it's for the plot.

summary: In which Minho rewrites your entire relationship with love.

word count: 17k

a.n: this is, i hope, a gentle reminder to always be kind to yourself, and to the people surrounding you. this one is pretty personal because i see myself a lot in yn, but it was also challenging since i wrote about things i have never experienced either. so i hope you'll enjoy reading, and that the second part will live up to your expectations. it took me a long time to write this but it's okay!! English isn't my first language and this was also a reminder to be patient with myself. thank you. i love you all. truly. feedback is highly appreciated, as always <3

(here is a Spotify playlist i made for this second part, you can listen to it while reading if you'd like :))

Love. How lucky yet cursed we are to ever experience it.

The fear attached to this singular emotion seems ridiculous. Because we aren't afraid of experiencing anger, sadness, or nervousness. They might overwhelm us, but we accept them, we recognize them as they are and then we cope with them. Whichever way we know best.

But when love comes knocking on our door, we stray away from it, we try to shape it into something else- much gentler on the soul, less devastating if it were ever not reciprocated.

So, we name it a crush, attachment, infatuation; anything but the cursed four-lettered word- anything but love. As though merely acknowledging it would morph it into a sharp-edged sword, eternally wedged within us, making our blood dribble away slowly and with it, our souls awash.

You are no exception. Love has terrified you for the better part of your life. There was a time when the word did slip easily from your mouth, back when you were a child and your view of the world was still naive, undisturbed by what you now know. You loved ice cream, you loved candy, you loved your teacher who braided your hair.

But then the once light word grew heavy on your tongue. Because love is what made you crave your mother's warmth, only to find coldness awaiting you. It is love that made you seek shelter elsewhere, in the fleeting opinions of the people surrounding you, hanging your entire worth on the words they uttered about you- ones they forgot within hours but you carried for years.

But this view of yours got dismantled, slowly, day by day. You’ve come to learn that it isn't love that had hurt you, it was rather the lack of it.

It cannot be love that wound when it is the emotion swimming in your eyes, whenever they rest on Minho. You didn't dare say it to him, to name the feeling out loud. You were petrified that if it was ever out in the open, then the love would materialize into something tangible, and the universe would snatch it away, as it has done before with everything you've ever wanted.

But although you didn't say it, you felt it, deep within each one of your atoms. It spilled from you like infinite ink, rewriting your entire relationship with love, dismissing every wrong notion you've once established about it.

Love cannot hurt because you love Minho, and you'd hurt yourself before ever hurting him.

But maybe none of you would have to hurt. Maybe for once, you'd both be okay. That's what you'd like to believe as Minho's shoulders brush against yours. You are sitting at your usual table at Limbo, a gray cat sprawled on top of your laps. Finals ended three weeks ago. Summer break is here, the one time you've been dreading since you came to college. Because everyone is going back to their homes, but you don't have one to head back to.

"What will you do this summer?" Minho suddenly asks, putting down his iced americano. You scratch the cat's ears beside you gently- Lilia you've decided to name her. "I don't really have plans."

"Would you like to go camping?"

"With you?"

"I mean, unless you have another secret boyfriend, then yes, with me."

"Shut up," you giggle, swatting his arm playfully. "I'd really like that," you smile softly at him, to which he nods. "Oh, and we still need to celebrate your win this term."

"Mm. Let's just call it a date this time," he grins, taking a spoonful of the salted caramel cheesecake and bringing it to your mouth. "I need to go visit my family for a few days, and then we can go," he adds.

Sudden guilt floods your being. He had a family he could go to. It was selfish for you to want him to stay, to strip him from this privilege you weren't granted with.

"I don't want you to cut your time short with them for me," you mumble, eyes fixated on Lilia soundly dozing off on his lap. It still astonished you how all animals seemed at ease in Minho's presence. As if they could sense his gentle soul, carefully hidden behind his sarcastic retorts, and cheeky smiles- one you were lucky enough to have been touched with.

"I'm not. I just really wanna go camping," he says nonchalantly, but his hand raises to squeeze your shoulder lightly.

"You should go with them."

"I have a two-person tent in mind, it won't fit the three of us. And I want to come back to you."

His words painted a sweet picture- of him returning home after a long journey, and you were that haven he sought to rest. The idea that he'd discover such solace in you when you struggled to find it within yourself, seemed unfathomable to you.

So, you bite your lower lip slightly, before squeezing his knee in gratitude. "Okay. I'll be waiting."

✹✹✹

Blue and orange flames surge higher under the wind. You watch, mesmerized as their light dances upon Minho's skin, painting him with glistening, golden hues. Every feature of his face is chiseled to perfection, as if a sculptor spent hours perfecting his face, down to the tiniest detail. He looked in his element here, setting up your tent and grilling the meat and now looking up at the sky, a chilled lemonade in his hand. You should go camping more often.

Minho places his empty can of cola on the ground, before tapping his lap. "Come here," he smiles and you oblige, rising from your chair and settling on his thighs. You tuck your knees to your chest, curling yourself entirely in his hold. His arms encircle your body, making sure you don't slip down. You close your eyes, as Minho gazes up at the night sky before you. You are comfortable and safe. It is that safety that you've craved for so long. To be held and not fear the threat of a knife behind your back.

It still surprised you, how you came to crave Minho's presence. But it went beyond just being near him; you felt as if you needed to touch him, as if verifying his existence, ensuring he wasn't an ephemeral specter slipping through your fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass. Yet, even more surprising was Minho's own yearning for you. His hands were always drawn to you, subtly grazing your face, resting on your palm, skimming your shoulders. Each tentative touch filled an echoing void within you, slowly diminishing it until all that remained were faint whispers of it.

Minho has cared for you, long before he understood you. He saw snippets and fragments of you, and he cared for the patched-up version he made up in his mind. And when you unlocked your heart for him, he only cherished it even more, silently molding his behavior so he wouldn't cross any of your boundaries.

He was hesitant at first, in holding your hands and kissing your lips. He still asks for permission, in that gentle voice of his, to touch you, in case you’re uncomfortable. Which you aren’t, because his hands on you are infused with care, fingertips dripping with unguarded attention and softness, for you.

You sigh contently, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck as his arms tighten around you. Comfortable and safe.

"What's your favorite word?" he suddenly inquires and you giggle slightly. He often asks you these random questions, as though he wished to understand you in the most ordinary of ways and to care for you in each.

"I think it's the word soft. Whoever thought of the word really nailed it. Nothing else could have depicted softness like this one."

"The word does sound really pillowy, and gentle."

"See, I really love gentle too! Why is the word gentle so gentle? Does that make sense?" Laughter tings your question as he grins, his nose brushing lightly against yours.

"It does. They both remind me of you, actually."

"Really?"

"Mm. You're still so soft and gentle, despite it all... If they ever tell me there is one kind person left on this earth, I'd come looking for you."

Sudden tears flood your eyes as a shaky exhale leaves your lips. It felt rewarding, in a sense, to have someone acknowledge the strength it takes to be kind, in a world that had dealt you nothing but harshness.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"Sometimes..." you pause, racking your brain for the best way to word this. "Sometimes it scares me how much I've come to care for you. How you make opening up not sound as daunting as before."

You grab his hand into yours, fidgeting with his fingers. The familiarity of their touch helps you calm down. "I'm not saying you'll hurt me. I just... I can't help this tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me to be cautious. It's gotten quieter, but it's still there."

"That's just your past selves trying to protect you," he smiles softly at you, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. "When I told you I'll be here, for as long as you'll have me, I meant it. Doubts and all."

"But I don't want to be closed off anymore," you admit. "It's very lonely that way."

"I know it is, love. But it's what you knew best back then, hm? You shouldn't feel bad about it, you did what you had to do to protect yourself. I'm just here to protect you too now."

"You think I can no longer do it myself?" you tease, your hand threading through his silky hair.

"Of course, you still can. But two shields are better than one. Also, this is exactly why I work out."

"Will your muscles protect me from my mind?" you giggle and he nods proudly. "Have you seen these?" he flexes his arms, before snorting, a bit shyly, eyes squinting closed. He's saying nonsense to make you laugh, and it's warming your heart beyond belief.

"I think these should just stay wrapped around me," you grin, guiding his arms around your back once again.

"No complaints," he smiles, as you settle against his chest. He places a soft kiss on the top of your head and you close your eyes. Safe and comfortable- Minho.

✹✹✹

Summer has been kind to you. Or maybe it was you who has been kind to summer, your laughter filling its air until it could do nothing but mirror your happiness.

Summer tasted like love with Minho by your side. In clementines he peeled for you, feeding you each slice with a soft smile on his face. In spontaneous bike rides at six am, to chase sunrises you've never witnessed before him. In numerous books he bought so you’d read them to him, his head on your lap, a tranquil expression coloring his face. And although the months have all been sweet, there are two days that you remember particularly.

You don't mark up the time with dates, but rather with the new feelings Minho bestowed upon you- the first time you wanted someone to stay, and they did.

"Baby?" Minho’s hand brushes against your shoulder and you startle, turning around to look at him. "Are you okay? You zoned out."

"I’m fine," the rehearsed lie slips from your mouth, long before you could think about it. A ping of guilt swarms your heart, you’ve promised yourself that you’d tell Minho about your true feelings, even if he couldn’t help you with them.

"Are you sure? You haven’t said a word since I came over..." He quickly glances at his watch, "Three hours ago."

"I’m sorry," you mumble, your thoughts swarming your head once again. You felt horrible for wasting his time. He had better things to do than sit with you in silence.

"I’m not asking you to apologize," he says cautiously as if he’s aware he’s threading along a dangerous line. You stay silent and he shuts his eyes closed, hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I just want you to be honest."

"I am."

"Are you, really?"

"What do you want from me?" you ask a bit breathlessly. You don’t know what you are saying, but you can sense your walls building up, higher than you could ever reach them.

"You’re clearly not fine and I-"

"I am trying, okay? I’m trying, please." You plead; you’re unsure for what exactly. For him to stop prodding, because you don’t have answers for him, not yet. Not when you haven’t understood it yourself.

"I'm going for a walk," he says, abruptly standing. You stay frozen in your place, as he quickly slips his shoes on, before leaving your apartment. You’re trying and it isn’t enough for him.

You don’t move from your place as time slowly trickles by. The seconds morph into minutes and suddenly it’s been an hour and a half since Minho left. There is a tantalizing fear making you stay put as if you ever dare to move a limb, then the stillness would be shattered and Minho wouldn’t come back.

It’s hard to reroute your brain entirely- old habits creep up on you swiftly, and suddenly you’re pulled back into the old you, woven into the web of horrible thoughts stitching all around you. Change feels sweet, with Minho, it feels like hope and the taste of a new beginning, but it is scary and different. And the familiarity of what you were before him calls your name from time to time. It was horrible and lonely, but there were no surprises in it. You knew what to expect at all times.

You could’ve told him that you weren’t feeling good, that you didn’t feel like talking and Minho would’ve understood. Because this isn’t the first time this happened, and it happens to him too sometimes. So, he understands, more than anyone you know. But instead, you lied and denied and Minho left. And you can’t blame it on anyone but yourself.

You grab your phone, its sudden light burning your eyes. You blink repeatedly, as you dial Minho’s number. It rings and it rings, then it goes to voicemail. You try again, through blurry vision. It doesn’t even ring this time- straight to voicemail.

Minho’s left. He’s had enough. You can’t blame him.

Three swift knocks resound loudly on your door. You don’t remember reaching the doorknob, your body’s moving on autopilot, but you pull it open. Minho. Your hold on the handle tightens until your knuckles turn white. You can’t look at him, you don’t want to see his face as he leaves you.

"Why are you crying?" he whispers, dainty fingers gently wiping away your tears.

"Don’t go. Not you too," you manage to utter, and you hear Minho suck in a deep breath, before pulling you tightly to his chest.

"What are you talking about?" he says, as he buries your head in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of his cologne washes over you- you’ve memorized its earthy notes by heart now, easily recognizable between a thousand smells.

"You've been away for two hours and I called and you- you didn’t pick up. I thought you wouldn’t come back."

"My phone died while I was outside and I lost track of time, and- please don’t cry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry." He leans away, cupping your cheek delicately. "Im here, you see? Let’s go on a walk, hm?"

"You were just out," you mumble and he smiles at you. "I wanna go with you."

Minho takes off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders. He leads you outside, still clad in the bunny slippers he randomly bought you a week ago. His hand is warm in yours. His hand wouldn’t be warm if he was leaving you.

You walk in silence to the park near your home, and Minho sits you down on an empty bench. Your tears are dried up by now, cheeks cold from the night breeze; and his hand is still in yours.

"Chan didn’t leave our dorm for three days." He starts, clearing his throat. "He’s overworking himself, doesn’t even eat the food I make him. And I tried to tell him to take a break today. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t convince him. He’s probably still working on his music right now," he chuckles, but there is no trace of humor in the sound. "And then I come to you and you’re not okay. And I want to help but suddenly I’m pressuring you. And you’re trying, so hard and you’re doing so well and I’m pressuring you instead of helping. And I failed at being there for you both. What good I am if I’m not there for the people I lo- care about?"

"Don’t say that, please. You are good enough. More than enough," you cup his cheek, pressing his forehead on yours. "You’re always here. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m sure Chan appreciates everything you do for him."

"And you?" he asks, tone coated in such raw vulnerability that it knocks the breath out of you. At that moment, Minho was a plain hill, devoid of hidden nooks and crannies- nowhere for him to guard his emotions from you.

"Do you remember that night, when I asked you how I can help you feel yellow?" you ask after a while, and he nods, repetitive blinks rythming his silence. "I used to think that happiness was yellow, that sudden joy that drowns out the world around you. And I wanted to always feel yellow, the highest of highs. But that could only lead to another low, another extreme. I’ve since learned that true happiness is feeling peace when you lay in bed at night… And for your heart to beat soundly from contentment."

"I remember feeling this way only once, a long time ago. I woke up to see the sunrise, but I was a bit late to it, so I missed the orange and the pink," you chuckle slightly, as the distant memory floods you. "But I saw the blue, this really soft blue, and as I looked at it a strange sense of serenity washed over me. As if, as long as I looked at that pastel blue, I’d be alright. And now…" You smile softly, your thumb delicately grazing his cheek, Now, I can just look at you. You are my blue."

Minho’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks at you, mouth slightly hung agape. You giggle quietly, before patting his head gently. "Thank you for staying," you whisper, and a sudden smile breaks out on Minho’s face. It’s so radiant- as if every star in this galaxy was ground to fine dust and then sprinkled into it. You can’t admire it for long since Minho crashes his mouth on top of yours, drawing you in for a kiss that leaves you breathless afterward.

"You know I had a really nice dream yesterday," he finally whispers against your lips, a newfound lightness in his voice. "I think this is the first time where my reality is much sweeter."

✹✹✹

The first time you felt loved, truly.

It’s a couple of days into August when Chan tells you that he has signed up with a producing agency- it’s a huge step for him, one he’s been rambling about each time you met him for the past few months. So now you’re over at his and Minho’s dorm, attempting to bake a congratulatory cake for Chan. It was Minho’s idea, one he mumbled into your ear nonchalantly, as if he didn’t wake up really early to scout all the ingredients you might need.

"Why is baking so much harder than cooking?" Minho whines, burying his head dramatically in the crook of your neck. You giggle, patting his back in faux sympathy.

"So, you're admitting you're not good at everything?" you tease and he straightens up instantly, brows furrowed as he looks at you.

"I didn't say I'm not good at it. I said it's harder than cooking," he drawls out and you hum in reply, a teasing "sure, sure" escaping your mouth.

"Do you know how to crack an egg with one hand? That's the cue that you're a great baker."

"Why would I when I have two hands?" you chuckle and he smiles cheekily, raising his eyebrows at you. "Well, I can do it."

"Fine," you huff, grabbing an egg onto your hand. "Teach me?" you smile sweetly and he grins satisfied, "Of course."

"Here, you just need to crack the egg gently into the side of the bowl. And then lodge your finger inside, slowly pulling the shell apart. Like this," he demonstrates and you nod in understanding.

"Your turn," he smiles and you follow his instructions, tongue poking against your cheek in utmost concentration.

"Min look! I did it" You grin widely, turning around to show him the egg now dropped into the bowl.

"You did! I’m proud of you," he smiles, placing a tender kiss on your temple. You pause, the egg’s shell still tightly clutched in your hand. You didn’t drop it into the bowl, and someone’s proud of you for it.

It’s late into the night, and your stomach is aching from laughing for hours on end. Your plates of cake are on the ground, with only crumbs left on top of it. Minho invited two of Chan’s closest friends over- Felix and Han, so now you’re all playing rounds of Uno, and the poor freckled boy is losing each time.

"This isn’t fair," Felix whines, before stealing a bite of the leftover cake on the table. "This is really good by the way," he compliments and you giggle, turning around to point at Minho, only to find him already looking at you, a soft smile on his face.

"It’s all him," you say, and Chan gets his face impossibly close to your boyfriend’s, a teasing smile on his face. "You love me so much."

"I don’t. Get back," Minho pushes his face away, but you can tell he’s lying, from the fond smile threatening to spill over his mouth.

"Sure," Chan sing-songs, before turning to look at you. You wink at him and he ruffles your hair affectionately, as he always does when he wants to tease you. "Thank you for the cake, yn."

"You’re welcome," you grin as an unfamiliar warmth spread through your chest. Is this how it feels to have a family? People you care for and who care about you in return?

Minho notices the sudden bittersweet expression etched on your face, so he grabs your pinky in his hand, squeezing it slightly. You turn your palm around, before blindly intertwining your fingers with his- something you’ve gotten much better at lately.

"We’ll get going," Han announces when it’s nearly midnight, as he and Felix both get up from the floor. "Sure you don’t want to come to the party?" Chan asks, eyes trained on you and Minho.

"Yeah, we’ll stay the night."

You stand up as well, following Chan to the door and stopping him before he leaves. "You don’t mind me staying the night, right? It’s your dorm too, so I should ask."

"Of course not. You can come over whenever, even if Minho isn’t here. You don’t ever have to ask me, okay?"

"Okay, thank you, Chan," you beam at him, relief coursing through you at his words.

Soon enough, the dorm is silent, and it’s only you and Minho once again. You go to clean up but Minho pulls you by your hand, ushering you toward his bedroom. "Let's leave it to tomorrow," he says, and his voice sounds like warm candle wax dripping down on you. You can’t say no.

You find that he’s already prepared a pair of pajamas for you, spread out nicely on the bed- his grey shirt and a pair of shorts he has apparently overgrown.

"You'll find a box there, under the sink, it’s for you," he announces, as you walk into the bathroom to change. It’s filled with anything you might ever need, tissues and makeup removal and pads and medicine, and your cherry shampoo.

"When did you prepare this?" you ask as you open the door wide for him. He peeks his head inside, eyes softening when they take a glimpse at your figure - wearing his shirt, in his bathroom.

"A month ago, or so. Just in case you ever needed to stay the night." He's so thoughtful, you're starting to believe that the word was molded after him. "Is it enough? do you need something else?" he asks tentatively and you shake your head, squeezing his hand lightly. "It's perfect. Thank you."

"Of course. let's brush our teeth?" he smiles and you nod, grabbing the blue toothbrush he bought for you. He squeezes some toothpaste into it, and your eyes meet in the mirror. You can feel a blush creep up your face, to match the tip of his ears turning pink. It felt innocent to blush at the mere act of brushing your teeth together- at the domesticity of it, and the future hopes that lay within it.

Minho washes his face with his cleanser and you do the same. He suddenly hoists you up the bathroom counter, before standing between your legs. his arms cage your body, as his doe brown eyes look up at you. "Do my skincare for me," he pouts and you giggle, diligently taking the moisturizer and applying it to his face.

You take your time, massaging it into his skin, rubbing soothing circles on his cheeks and the tender skin under his eye. His eyes close at your touch, body leaning forward and pressing onto your legs. You grab his lip balm, applying it evenly to his puckered lips, and then you kiss him. Softly, tenderly, hands going up and down his arms. His own find your waist, encircling it, thumbs skimming your sides.

You lean away, a giddy smile on your face. "Thank you for the lip balm," you say, before kissing the tip of his nose.

Minho's room smells like clean laundry and vanilla, courtesy of the candle he lit up. You've been here before, but this is your first time sleeping on his bed. He goes in first, before beckoning you in. You lay down on his silky pillow, your hair fanning all around you. Some strands of it go into your mouth, and you giggle faintly as you pull them away.

"Here," he says, leaning over your body and opening the drawer next to you. He takes out a hair tie, and a faint memory dances around in your mind- you tying up his hair at the convenience store near Limbo.

"You kept it?" you question incredulously, voice coming out in a faint whisper.

"I did," he says simply as if it's ridiculous for you to expect otherwise. "Can I tie it up for you?" he asks and you nod.

His fingers gather your hair, making sure no strands of it are escaping. They're magical, relieving every tension you have in your body. You feel him twisting the tie around, securing your hair in a low ponytail.

"All done." his voice is quiet, and so is the kiss he presses onto your shoulder.

You both lay down, facing each other. It's silent but it no longer scares you. Not when your fingers are grazing Minho's palm, tentatively, the way one dips their toes into the water to test its temperature. Your hands are dancing around one another, not yet holding each other, as if engaged in a dance only your body understands. His eyes are locked on yours- a brown shade so mesmerizing you wish you could paint the entire universe with it.

His gaze is always soft when it comes to you, pupils slightly dilated, eyelashes fluttering with each blink. They're so quick you almost can't catch them, as if he unconsciously wants the time in which he looks at you to last longer.

Minho's hand reaches behind you, before pulling the slipping comforter over your body. He tucks it in your sides, and warmth surrounds you everywhere; from him mainly. He's been so attentive to you tonight- a silent care you only truly appreciate when you've experienced a lack of it. It's as if he's pouring years' worth of missed love back into your life, and in return all the love you've held within, never bestowed upon anyone else, has found its sole destination in the man by your side.

Your hand circles his once again, and you watch intently the way your fingers graze one another, delicately, as if skimming on the edge of holding one another. You give in first, intertwining your fingers with Minho’s and squeezing them gently. They fit his perfectly, this is where they're supposed to be.

"I don't know what you’re doing to me," he whispers, his eyes locking onto yours once more. There is a newfound emotion gleaming in his gaze- incredulity, at the depth of his feelings.

"What do you mean?" you question, nuzzling closer to him. Your head finds its rest on his arm and he responds instantly by patting your hair.

"I want to keep buying toothbrushes for you." His voice is hushed and yet it resounds loudly within your being, as if shouted from a sky-high rooftop.

You exhale softly, curling your hand around the back of his neck, and pulling him down gently to your face. You press your lips on top of his, and they move slowly, deliberately, like a painter's careful strokes. Each touch of his lips against yours is there to make you feel something- things that he can't bring himself to say, so he shows.

You finally break apart, dazed from the raw emotions barging into your heart. You then lift your head slightly, planting a tender kiss on his forehead. Minho closes his eyes, as your lips linger in there far longer than necessary. They remain closed even after you pull away, and it is the look on his face that pushes you over the edge. The serenity painted across his features, but particularly, the trust. As if you could mold him however you want and he'd be grateful you ever touched him to begin with.

"I love you," you confess so suddenly, and the words feel foreign yet familiar as they stumble out of your lips. You expect a shift in the universe, a disastrous change as you verbalize this sentiment that's long haunted you. And yet, all that happens is Minho's eyes shimmering as they look at you. And you realize that you aren’t scared he'd twist the words and stab you with them. You know he'd cherish them, even if he didn't feel the same.

"I love you," he says back, a radiant smile lighting up his face, coloring each of his features in unadulterated happiness. Hearing those three words from him made your heart leap in your chest. There is so much more of what you feel that you wish to express. You’ve told him, but you want to show, to press your body to his so the feeling would emit from your heart to his own.

Your hand trails across his chest, and you feel his muscles constrict under your touch. "Can I?" you ask, gazes flickering between his eyes and the hem of his shirt. It's always about permission to you both- permission to touch, to feel, to kiss and the answer is always yes. Yes, yes, yes.

"Please," he whispers, and you tug his shirt quickly over his head. You are a goner after that when his hands caress your skin like you're delicate porcelain. He’s hovering over you, the candle's shadow dancing across his body. Your fingers are tracing every inch of his skin graced by the flickering light, which meant your hands were everywhere, and every touch of yours was mirrored by him. Every kiss he returned ten times fold, every gasp he drank in hungrily, only eliciting a louder one in return.

"Tell me if you’d like to stop," he smiled tenderly down at you, his nose nuzzling against yours. You never felt the need to. And as the night marched forward, you gradually grasped what the poets meant by ‘making love’. You felt as if you were truly making love, as if your every move conjured love in its purest essence between the two of you. The ebb and flow of your bodies served as a spell, heightening your emotions into a raw fervor. It was love that orchestrated your moves, binding you both in a cacophony of sweet sounds, meant for you only to hear.

Minho's gaze remained fixed on yours, as he uncovered parts of you you've never dared to show anyone. It only cemented every feeling you harbored towards him. And the safety. The safety of being in his arms. To be as bare as one could possibly be, and yet to still feel blanketed by his soft eyes on you.

✹✹✹

Dainty snowflakes coat the outside world in a pristine white blanket. It’s a mesmerizing view, one you’ve grown to be grateful for these past few weeks since it signaled the return of winter, and with it, Minho’s birthday.

It's hard to resent snow when it welcomes the existence of the person you’ve fallen in love with.

The outside might be cold but you wouldn't know, not when you are nestled close to Minho, his legs thrown over your lap. You stare fondly at his figure, too engrossed in eating the birthday cake you’ve prepared for him- a vibrant green frosting and a picture of his three cats printed on top, just like he requested some time ago. You lean in a bit, wiping away a trace of whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. He smiles at you tenderly, angling his head to press a soft kiss on your thumb pad.

There is a growing lump in Minho's throat, but it doesn't suffocate him, since it's formed by your love for him- you remembered what he said about the birthday cake. He was joking, obviously. But the fact that you brought his ridiculous wish to reality warmed him beyond belief.

You rummage a bit in your place, hands tucked under the pillows, and then you take out a purple envelope. "Open it," you say as you place it on top of his lap. Minho puts his plate down, straightening out in his place before looking at you, a curious smile on his face.

"More surprises?" he asks, referring to the gift you’ve already given him- a pair of t-shirts, all with cats and silly scriptures imprinted on them.

"Mm," you hum, as Minho finally opens the envelope. He pauses, as his eyes rack furiously over the content of the letter. "What's this?" he asks dumbfounded, trying to fully grasp the meaning of what he's reading.

"Because of constellations, people often think that stars always live together in a cluster. But oftentimes, they are alone. Or... if they're lucky enough, they get to roam the universe with a partner. They call them a binary star. Like you and me." Emotion simmers beneath your words, and you continue, your voice a gentle undercurrent.

"It's comforting to know that other versions of us are going through this world side by side too. To know that long after we're gone, there would still be two stars discovering the universe together, orbiting around one another. A token of the love we lived." You lift your gaze to meet his, to find him staring in awe at you. You take a mental picture of this moment, adding it to the collection of the ones you already captured of him.

"Our love may not be revolutionary, we're only two humans out of billions that have adored before us. But our love is grand to me. I try..." you bite your lip, reaching out for his hand- it will guide you as you try to speak. "I always try to find the words to describe how much you mean to me, to tell you how much you do to me. I used to always hold my hand out, in the hopes that someone would grab it. But no one did, so I curled it into a tight fist. And I thought it'd stay this way, for the rest of my life. Until you came, and you unclenched my fingers gently, one at a time, and then you grabbed it into yours." Tears are trailing out of your eyes now, but you show no effort to wipe them. Happy tears shouldn't be swept away.

"Thank you for existing, my Minho," you smile softly at him, and he nods, tears brimming in his waterline, cheeks flushed pink at your words. "Thank you for kissing my finger pads and reminding me that there is still softness in this world, all embodied in you." You cradle his cheeks tenderly in your hands, trying your best to let your love seep through your fingertips into his soul.

"I think you've carved yourself into me, carved your name into my heart. Your roots intertwined with mine, and thanks to you, I managed to crack through the hard earth and bloom again. Thank you for making me feel the warm sun again. I was so so cold before you." You whisper the last part, like a sinner's confession, eager for it to be carried away, forgotten.

Minho brings your body to his, as he buries his face in your chest. You can feel slight tremors shaking his body, and you place soft kisses on his shoulder blade- soothing, calming. You are safe in my love for you, they spell out.

"I can't believe you’ve named stars after us," he mumbles against you, and your fingers thread through his hair gently, flattening out stubborn strands of it. "It's nothing," you smile and he shakes his head vehemently. "It's not- it's not nothing to be loved by you. It's everything to me."

He leans away, bringing your head down to press his lips into yours. It tastes sweet from the cake and salty from his tears. It tastes like healing. You both kiss for mere seconds and yet it feels like an eternity to you. As if your mind stretches out time with Minho, knowing how valuable it becomes with him. He presses his lips onto yours one last time, before exhaling softly, melting completely in your hold.

"As long as you're with me, I don't ever need to look at the sky," he whispers. "There are enough stars in your eyes for me."

✹✹✹

It’s late December and the fragrant aroma of hot chocolate fills your apartment. You’re preparing two cups of the cozy drink in your kitchen, while Minho watches you fondly, leaning casually on the doorway.

"Are you just gonna stare at me?" you giggle, turning around to toss him a sly smile.

"Do you need my help making hot chocolate?" he raises an eyebrow, a mischievous smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Yes, I wouldn't say no to a bit of emotional support."

"Ah, my bad," he playfully bows, walking over to you. Minho gently wraps his arms around your waist, leaning his chin on your shoulder. His bangs tickle the side of your face, akin to the brush of a butterfly’s wing, and a soothing sense of contentment washes over you as he holds you close.

Minho places a soft kiss on your shoulder blade, and the touch sends shivers along your spine. "This is for warming up the milk," he mumbles, adding another kiss to your neck, "and this for mixing in the hot chocolate powder," and a final one to your temple, "and this is for pouring it in cups."

"Why thank you," you giggle, turning around to hand him his cup. "Do you remember what episode we stopped at?"

"37," he replies instantly.

"I think you love this anime more than me," you pout jokingly. "I plead the fifth," he answers solemnly and you chuckle as you both make your way to the couch.

Merely one episode in and you can already tell that Minho is no longer focusing on the show. He’s absently swirling the drink in his hand, his gaze lost within his cup.

"What did the poor hot chocolate do to you?" you smile, a beacon of curiosity piercing through his daze. His head snaps up at the sound of your voice, turning around to look at you sheepishly. "Just zoned out."

"I noticed. What's on your mind?" you ask, lowering the volume of the TV to fully focus on him.

"There is an upcoming dance competition. It's at a regional scale and I'm just... wondering if I should participate."

"You should!" you fervently reply, "You're such a talented dancer. You deserve recognition for your hard work."

"I'll become very busy, though. It's already hard enough to manage this degree," he speaks softly as if he's not fully convinced of this excuse himself.

"I've never seen you as happy as you are when you're dancing. You'll handle it, and I'll be there for you too."

"I should do it, right?" he asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You really should," you echo, your hand rubbing reassuringly across his arm.

"Okay. I will," he nods, and you beam at him, before pulling him in for a comforting hug.

"On second thought... Everyone will now see how talented my boyfriend is and they will fall in love with you," you playfully muse as you hold him close.

"But everyone's already in love with me," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Mm, the heartthrob of campus."

"People throw themselves right and left at me, it's exhausting," he sighs, the giddy smile easily heard in his voice.

"Okay, now you're overdoing it," you giggle and he further buries his head in your neck, inhaling the scent of your perfume. "Don't worry," he mumbles quietly, "I'm only ever yours."

As weeks meld into months, your days become a whirlwind of preparation for the dance competition; where each participant is required to create a choreography from scratch, for a song of their choosing. You witness firsthand the immense effort Minho pours into this, just as he does with everything he undertakes. He spent hours upon hours in the university's dance studio, and you were often there with him. While he practiced, you sat in a corner, working on your laptop. He only paused to kiss the top of your head before diving back into his practice.

He chose a song you've never heard before, called Taste. It was mesmerizing to witness him become a vessel for the melody, like an instrument attuned perfectly to the emotions the song tried to convey. His body moved sensually, flowing like fluid water, perfectly controlled by him. Every beat in Taste was matched with a move of his, powerful enough to capture you, gentle enough not to overwhelm you, like the ebb and flow of the waves brushing against the shore.

The first two months slipped through the hourglass of time in a breeze. And although Minho grew busier, you still both managed to carve out time for quick dates. Strolls by the ocean and spontaneous trips to the cinema- outings that helped you recharge fully once again. But the third month coincided with your midterm exams, casting a heavier cloud over both of your lives.

Minho became overwhelmed, quickly, bearing the weight of his two worlds. He was smart, immensely so, he could handle his classes with ease, retaining knowledge faster than anyone you knew. But the day only had twenty-four hours in it, and he couldn't possibly do it all- finding time to practice, study and take care of himself. So, you tried to handle the last part, as best as you could anyways. Exam seasons always took a heavy toll on you- both physically and emotionally. It also didn't help that you went down with a strong flu for two weeks, making your energy levels plummet to zero.

It was only three days before the start of your exams when a soft knock resounded on your door. You opened it to find an exhausted Minho. He’s fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, beads of sweat glistening on his upper brow.

"I'm tired," he whispers, eyes looking absolutely devoid of emotion as they align with yours. You smile softly, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside, "I know."

You lead him to the bathroom and he follows silently. He's so compliant in your hands as if all the energy in his body was sucked out of him. "Bad day?" you ask, as you peel away his blue hoodie.

"Very." He says, voice barely above a whisper.

"It's okay. You're here now," you try to keep your voice just as quiet as you take off the rest of his clothes. You undress quickly as well, before pulling you both to the shower.

Minho rests his forehead on your back, as you check the water temperature. When it's warm enough to feel soothing on his skin, you pull him underneath the jet, and you both stand in there for a while. His head hung low, now buried in the crook of your neck; his breaths growing slower, more even.

"You did well, my Minho," you say, voice threatening to get lost in the sound of the water hitting the tiles, but Minho catches it. He tightens his hold on you in response.

Minho can feel you reaching over and grabbing something from the rack behind him. He recognizes the smell of your shampoo as you pour it in your hands, before lathering it gently on his hair. He almost starts crying right there and then, as your fingers skillfully massage his scalp. You are everywhere, pressed to his body and your hands in his hair, and your cherry scent that’s washing all over him. And the outside world suddenly seems so far away.

You rinse off the shampoo, before grabbing your conditioner and threading it through his hair, making sure that every strand is evenly covered. He shuts his eyes closed, as your hands move to his neck and start massaging it. He's so sore from all the dancing, tired from the studying he has to catch up on. But you’re making him feel okay now, as you unravel his nerves without uttering a word. How do you do it? He wants to ask; how do you always paint his world blue?

Your hands are trailing over his body now, not sensually, just easing the knots in his muscles. You're spreading body wash all over him, and his eyes are still closed, as he feels you place tender kisses on his soapy skin. ‘I love you', your voice reaches him like a faraway lullaby, 'you've been working so hard', 'I'm proud of you'; and your comforting words morph into hot tears lodged into his waterline, begging for an escape.

You finally turn the water off, before pulling him outside and wrapping a towel around his waist. He sits idly on the edge of the bed, as you quickly put on your clothes, before walking over to him. You help him wear his pajamas, the ones he's left in your apartment since he often stays the night. He can't move a limb, but you're doing it in his place- as if the life in you was blown into him, and he's only breathing thanks to you.

Once you’re both fully clothed, you sit behind Minho on the bed, legs on either side of his body. You grab a towel you warmed in advance and begin to gently dry his hair with it, patting each strand with care. As soon as you're done, Minho turns around, nestling his head against your stomach. You let him, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"I already told you, but I'm very proud of you," you say, head lowered so he'd be able to hear you. "I'm so amazed by your strength and hard work. You inspire me a lot, Min. Just keep on going, and if you need a break, you can rest by my side, okay?" You place a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

"I love you," you add softly, and Minho tightens his hold on you. And then he crumbles. Completely.

He falls apart in your arms, painful sobs racking through his body. You panic, as the unfamiliar sounds knock your breath away. You've seen Minho cry before, single tears that managed to escape from his eyes, trailing on his cheeks. But you've never seen him so shattered, so consumed by his pain that he could no longer contain it. You’re caught in his storm, as uncharted waves of his hurt crash against your shores. Has he been hurting all along? Were you this oblivious to the pain brewing inside him?

Your body’s shaking as you press your chest to his back, your arms cocooning his curled-up figure. You try your best to shield him; you don't know from what exactly, but you know it has to go through you first to get to him again.

"I'm so- sorry you have to see me this way," he hiccups, his words digging their claws deeper into your chest.

"Don't say that, baby, please. It's okay, you can cry as much as you want. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," he repeats, voice quivering, and you can feel your heart slowly cracking, hurting in depths you haven't thought existed before.

"Minho, I don't- I don't only love you when you're happy. I love you when you're angry and frustrated and when you're sad. You deserve kindness and you deserve to be kind to yourself because you are still Minho. My Minho. No matter what emotion you're feeling."

"Please stay with me," he pleads softly, and you bite your lower lip, as traitorous tears escape your eyes and land on his shirt. "Where would I go, love? You're my home. I'm here."

✹✹✹

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

The thought that's been reverberating within your mind, echoing since the moment Minho crumbled in your embrace.

Selfish.

Of course you are, since you remained oblivious to his own struggles as he slowly chipped away, until he shattered unexpectedly. Akin to a seemingly sturdy building, struck by a minor vibration and suddenly reduced to ruins.

Selfish.

Each time you sought solace in him, you failed to realize that he was stripping away his layers to shelter you. You took and took from him, each time you called, each time he came over to brush away your tears. Your endless bad days didn't leave room for his struggles, unperceived amidst your turmoil.

Selfish and horrible. You weren't made to be loved.

Minho is sleeping right next to you. He looks peaceful, endearing bunny-like teeth peeking through slightly parted lips. He's undisturbed, like a placid river, until someone selfishly decides to skip some stones in it- you.

His chest rises and falls, erasing all remnants of his previous breakdown, like a scripture on sand washed away by the waves. You could almost forget it ever happened if it wasn't for the persistent echoes of his sobs. Raw pain had seeped through him, yet it could have been different. If you had asked more, he might have unraveled slowly. He would have talked and he would've never had to explode.

Selfish and guilty. There's a bitter taste in your mouth. It doesn't go away when you hastily gulp down water.

You'll keep your problems to yourself. There is enough for him to bear already. By sharing your load, you aren't diminishing it, only adding more to his.

You can't let your mother be right. Not about this. Not when it comes to Minho. You can't ruin his life too.

✹✹✹

You are being distant.

Minho notices it straight away when you stop coming over to his dorm. When you find excuses to not come to Limbo anymore, accounting it for the exams you're both taking. But he knows it's just excuses. You are straying away from him. Your light that shone on him every day suddenly turned into a distant lighthouse beam.

And it's his fault.

He's embarrassed by his outburst. How he broke down right in front of you. How he clung to your arms, counting on your words and touch to stitch him back together. How he wasn't enough for himself, but you were.

Guilt floods his being, making you sadder when you're already dealing with so much. He recounts your tears dripping into his hair, as you hugged him tightly to your body. He made you cry; he shouldn't have broken down. That's why you're staying away. He can't blame you.

He misses you. He saw you this morning and yet he misses you. Because you weren't there with him, you were somewhere else, in a faraway place in your mind. What if he can't reach you anymore? He wasn't sure what to do with himself without you.

It's 11 pm, and he's knocking softly on your door. You open it and he smiles tightly. You smile back.

He hovers around the entrance of your apartment, hands tightly clasped behind his back. You unclasp them, interlocking your fingers with his and leading him to your couch. You are warm, he missed you. You are here and he misses you.

You both sit down, and you're looking at him curiously. His eyes fall to your lips, pillowy and rosy and he can't help pressing his mouth onto yours. It'll give him the courage to speak.

"I'm sorry," he whispers against your lips and you lean away, confusion clearly written across your features.

"For crying the other day," he clarifies. "I've made you uncomfortable and you feel like you have to be cautious around me, and I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

"What are you saying? You didn't- you never..." you suck in a deep breath, inching closer to him. "Minho, don't ever apologize for that. please. You should never apologize for being human."

"But you are being distant," he says in a small voice, avoiding your eyes.

"Minho, I..." you bring your hand to his cheek, locking your gaze with his. "It's not what you think. I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You bite your lip, sighing loudly before speaking again. "You sobbed. And I had no idea you were hurting that much inside. I am so reclined on myself that I didn't notice. And I tried to distance myself so I'd sort my thoughts out. So, I could be there for you, fully. You're always here for me, and I feel... As if I failed you."

It's now his turn to cup your cheek, his thumbs gently brushing against your skin.

"I felt so loved by you that day. That's why I cried. because I've never felt that way before," he's quick to explain. "Yes, I was stressed and overwhelmed but it's not your fault. You were there for me when I needed you most. You didn't fail me; how could you think that?"

"Because it should've never gotten that bad. If I had noticed before, then I would've helped you and it wouldn't have gotten that bad for you. You don't deserve to feel sad, not when you’re... You. Someone like you shouldn't feel sad."

"Didn't you say we're humans? Isn't that what humans do? They fall down and they get up, I can't always be fine. It's not your fault."

"Minho you don't understand... How much more of yourself can you give to me, without hurting yourself in return?" You're so sure of these words you're uttering, as if you've drilled them into your mind by now. You couldn't be more wrong.

Minho blinks repeatedly, trying to gather the words in his mind properly. You weren't distancing yourself from him, because he had hurt you. But rather, so you wouldn't hurt him anymore. So, you'd be there for him more. A sudden relief floods his being. He isn't losing you.

Minho can't help the chuckle that escapes his mouth. He shakes his head slightly as he brings you to his chest. You're so warm as you wrap your arms around his waist. He still misses you but you're here, you aren't going anywhere.

"You memorized my coffee order. And my favorite pudding. You always bring me one when you come over. When you find a new flavor, I haven't tried, you always buy it for me. You look at me so excitedly when I try it. As if me finding a new favorite pudding brings your personal joy," he's talking softly, slowly, in the hopes that you'd understand what he means.

"You love spicy food, but you always cook without it when I'm with you. Because I can't handle it as well as you. You put snacks and water in my bag when I have dance practice, and then you come to check on me, even when you're busy too. You bought me an umbrella, and you placed it near the entrance of my dorm, so I wouldn't forget it. You give me the opened chopsticks package first, and you blow on my food so it wouldn't burn my tongue. And you let me pick the movie, every time. You let me pick it," he places a soft kiss on your shoulder, tightening his hold on you.

"You brush my hair away from my eyes when you think I'm asleep. And you make sure the blanket covers my body entirely, even if it means it doesn't cover you. I've never had that. Never had someone care for me this gently. Even when I'm not awake and I can't give them anything in return."

He leans back, smiling softly at you. There is a new palpable emotion in the air- love, in its most unconditional form. It smells fragrant and sweet- like you and him.

"I notice everything you do for me, every way in which you love me. You're here for me in more ways than you can ever imagine. And I love you. Please don't stray away from me. Promise me," he pouts slightly, nudging his pinky toward your face. You giggle in defeat, before wrapping your pinky with his.

"Didn't you think pinky promises were silly?"

"Nothing you like is silly."

"Not even that cheesy drama I watch?"

"Okay. Maybe that one is. But it makes you laugh," he trails off. "If it makes you laugh then I like it too."

"You'll talk to me more, right? About whatever's bothering you? When you're not feeling black yet?"

"I will, I promise. You too, right?"

"Mm. I will too."

"Good," he smiles, pecking your cheek softly. "I've missed you. And I don't mind feeling all the colors of the rainbow, as long as you're near me."

✹✹✹

The voices of your friends singing you happy birthday reaches you like the distant chirping of birds, fading away in the back of your mind with each passing second. You know that Mina is smiling at you, her head resting on Jeongin’s shoulders. And that Chan, Han and Felix are all clapping excitedly, their voices blending together in a somewhat harmonious melody. But you can’t seem to focus on any of it. Your eyes are set on Minho, who’s walking over to you, a vibrant pink cake in his hand. The surface of it is covered in candy- marshmallows and macaroons, and a dozen of lit candles. Their light flickers on Minho’s face, casting an ethereal glow on him.

And as your widened eyes meet his, he knows that it all just clicked in place for you.

Four months ago.

"What did you like to do, when you were younger?"

You stay quiet for a few moments, mulling over Minho’s question. The waves crash softly at your feet, the sound of them and Minho’s arms around you serving as a perfect cover to thread through your childhood once again.

"I had a bunny plushie. My aunt gave it to me one day when her daughter didn't want it anymore. She was going to throw it out, but I took care of it. We took care of each other, in a way. I used to stay alone at home a lot, and Caramelo would keep me company."

"Caramelo?" he giggles and you pinch his arm playfully. "I was six when I named it, sue me."

"Mm, and where is Caramelo now?"

"I left it in the house. I packed in such a hurry and it didn't fit in my suitcase. But I really wanted to bring it," you smile sadly and Minho can sense a shift in your tone, so he trails his hands across your arms gently, pulling you even closer to his chest.

"What else did you like?" he asks, placing a kiss under the shell of your ear.

"Playing in the playground, there was one really near home. I'd sneak out and go play in the swing, but there was no one to push me higher there," you chuckle slightly, burying yourself further in Minho's embrace.

"Oh, but I met a girl there when I was eleven, Lydia, I think. She was our neighbor, and she invited me to my first ever birthday party. Her parents prepared this huge cake for her, it was all pink with so much candy on top. I kept dreaming about having a similar one for my birthday. We also painted each other's nails and put on facemasks, and then we watched a movie. It was really fun," you recall, a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You were really shy and didn't talk to the other girls present, staying away in a corner. But Lydia grabbed your hand and pulled you next to her. She didn't let go during the entire movie.

You hoped she was okay, wherever she might be now.

"And... my mom took me one day to a hill near our home. We sat on a bench there, overlooking the city's lights. We didn't talk but she braided my hair since it kept getting in my mouth. That's my favorite memory with her."

Your voice is carried away with the wind, drowned in the waves. You hoped that one day your childhood memories will come back to you, like the sea foam dissolving at your feet. Gentle, incapable of hurting you anymore.

"You know what I really want now? A big cake for my birthday too," Minho suddenly whines and you giggle, turning around to look at him.

"Want me to bake it for you?" you tease and he nods, cradling your face between his cold hands. They warm up once they rest on your cheeks.

"Yes. I want the cats’ pictures printed on it, and..." he trails off, looking up at the sky. "I want it to be green.”

"Green?" you chuckle. "Isn't that a bit weird for a cake?"

"Are you questioning my vision?" he wiggles his brows at you, his hands coming to your sides.

"I am," you laugh, as he starts to tickle you, unwaveringly. You fall to the sand, and he's on top of you, hands roaming your body as loud laughter erupts from you.

Minho’s eyes soften as he gazes at your laughing figure, but he doesn't stop, not until you tap his arm multiple times, happy tears trailing from your eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Green is perfect, you are a genius!"

"Why thank you," he smiles, before leaning down and kissing your tears away. You shiver slightly, from the cold and the feel of his soft lips on your skin. He notices.

"Come on," he outstretches his hand and you grab it, standing up and dusting your pants. Minho squats slightly in front of you, and you giggle before climbing on top of his back.

"Don't you ever wonder who was the person who invented tickling? They were just sitting down and then they touched someone and they started laughing,” he suddenly muses.

"Right! And then they decided this was something they should keep on doing, and it stuck around for centuries."

"I think it's really cute. It says I love the sound of your laugh so much that I will sit there and tickle you just to hear it."

"And you just tickled me," you trail out. "I know," he mumbles, the tips of his ears suddenly turning pink.

"I like your laugh too, Minho."

"Just like?" He teases, in a futile attempt to diffuse his shyness.

"I love it. I love it so much I could pay my entire life savings just to keep on hearing it again."

"Stop," he whines and you giggle, swinging your dangling feet in the air.

"Have you ever heard your laugh? No other melody can compare. At this point, musicians should just retire."

"You're insufferable," he finally laughs and you sigh, melting into his back.

"And you like me."

"And I love you."

Present time

The realization dawns on you like a floodgate- Minho is recreating your happiest childhood memories.

From the pink cake of your dreams. To the obnoxiously glittery nail polish he brought home three days ago, spontaneously, you foolishly assumed. He insisted on having a pampering night, where you both applied face masks to one another, bunny headbands tucking your hair out of your face. You giggled as he painted your nails with the utmost concentration, and then begged you to paint his in return. He didn't explain why he wanted pink nails suddenly, you should've known.

You should've known when he suddenly knocked on your door at midnight, taking your sleepy figure to the playground near your apartment. "Why are you here so late?" you questioned, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

"We are sneaking out," he whispered in your ear, and you didn't question his flawed logic- who were you sneaking out from exactly? But all was forgotten as he pushed you in the swing, fueled by your growing high-pitched giggles. "Higher?" he shouted and you laughed loudly, the sound of it echoing around the park. "Yes, higher!" Until you felt as if you were close enough to touching the stars.

You should've known.

Minho places the cake on the table, his warm hand finding your lower back. He rubs it soothingly, as you mouth a heartfelt "thank you" to him, hot tears prickling at the corner of your eyes. You couldn't speak, afraid of bursting into sobs in front of all your friends. He understands what you're referring to.

It's far later into the night when your friends finally leave Minho's dorm. You've all cleaned up the place, soft music emitting from the speakers. You didn't need songs to fill the silence, the conversations flowing easily between you all.

You gather all the gifts you've received and take them to Minho's room- a pair of shoes you've been raving about from Mina and Jeongin, and new headphones from Chan, Han, and Felix, since your old ones stopped working not too long ago.

"You're okay?" Minho asks, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

"Better than ever," you beam at him, cupping Minho's neck and meeting his lips in a tender kiss.

"I'm still not done," he smiles secretly, brushing his lips against yours once more, before pulling away. You watch, curious as he heads towards his closet and takes something out of it. Your eyes grow wide as they settle on the gift in his hands. You can feel your lip quivering as you walk hastily over to him.

"Is this...?" you ask incredulously and he nods, a happy smile on his face. "Your Caramelo."

"How... When?" you stammer, as happy tears blur your vision, "How did you do it?"

"I have my ways," he smiles assuredly at you. "Do you like it? I'm sorry if I overstepped by bringing it to you," he adds softly, a hint of vulnerability in his words.

"No, Minho, this is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe it- I... I don't even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he smiles, his hand rubbing your arm affectionately. "I figured this plushie should be in a loving home, with you. It helped you back then and now you're strong enough to help it in return."

There are overwhelming emotions that we can't quite express with words- like sorrow, sadness, or in your case, happiness. That's why touch was invented, you believe. As you pull Minho for a bone-crushing hug, Caramelo snug between your chests, you hope that he can feel everything you failed to express through words. That your soul will speak to him in a way your mouth couldn’t.

"When you told me there is a friend of yours, who lived in my town. There was no friend, right?" you mumble into his neck.

"No, I just wanted to know your address," he whispers, arms tightening around your waist.

"Did you meet my mom?"

"Yes. She's the one who gave it to me."

"Did she tell you anything... about me?" you ask cautiously.

Minho remembers snippets of his conversation with your mother- the indifference she showed towards you, as if it wasn't her daughter, her flesh and blood that she discarded away so easily.

"Nothing of importance. I promise you."

"Thank you," you whisper, voice caught up in your throat, bound by the ropes of your overflowing emotions. "Thank you for healing me."

Sleep didn’t come easily to you that night, and as Minho snored quietly next to you, you untangled your limbs from his, before heading to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water.

You find that the lights are already on and that Chan is working on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed as he gazed at his screen.

"Hey," you greet softly, careful not to startle him.

"Our birthday girl," Chan grins and you chuckle quietly, before settling next to him on the couch.

"What are you working on?" you question, taking in the different settings displayed on his screen.

"Just a new song," he shrugs sheepishly, "I'm almost done with it."

"That's nice," you mumble, tucking your knees into your chest.

"I suppose Minho already gave you your gift," Chan speaks softly and you startle, turning around to look at him.

"He didn't tell me what it is, don't worry. But I assume he pretended as if it was no big deal, that he got it."

You nod silently, fearing that speaking would stop Chan from talking.

"I told him that he should just walk up to your house, present himself, and then ask your mom if he can take some of your stuff for you. But he said it’s too risky, and there is a chance she might say no. So, you know what he did?" Chan chuckles softly, and you feel the breath slowly escape your chest. "He spent weeks researching all the moving companies that work in your town. And then he bought us uniforms that looked like one of theirs. With the name tags and all. We rented a truck and we drove there, so we’d pretend as if we were moving the rest of your belongings. Your mom didn't question it thankfully, and I've never seen Minho as relieved as when he climbed back into the truck."

An overwhelming need to cry threatens to consume you, and you bite your lip harshly to stop it from taking over. Not in front of Chan.

"For him to go these lengths for you, means that he loves you a lot. But also, that he feels really loved by you. So, thank you, for loving Minho. I'm very happy you guys are together now." Chan smiles softly at you, before getting up and ruffling your hair slightly.

You quickly go back to Minho's room, before bringing his body tightly to yours. And as soon as you touch him, he mumbles your name in his sleep before throwing an arm over your waist.

"Thank you for loving me. I love you so much too," you whisper into his back, as your tears dampen his shirt. You wished that the words would reach him in his dreams, making them sweeter for him.

You didn't make a wish that day, as you blew the candles, foolishly believing that everything you've ever wanted was already around you. But you should've.

Maybe that would've stopped the anguish to come.

✹✹✹

There is a bad feeling nudged into the space between your ribs. You rub a soothing palm across your chest, in the hopes that it will calm your spiking anxiety. But you only feel your heart growing more erratic in your chest, and the sound of it only makes you panic ten times fold.

You’ve just woken up. You can hear the water running in the shower. Minho has stayed over since you both studied late into the night. You listen intently, a small breath of relief escaping your mouth when the water turns off. He’s okay.

You drag a hand tiredly across your face, before shaking your head left and right. You’ll have a good day, you’ll open the blinds and the golden sun will stream through your windows, and you’ll feel okay.

You don’t.

The dread lingers in your being throughout the day, making the simple act of walking weigh heavily on your bones. You try to distract yourself, by focusing on your classes and listening to Mina’s rants about her latest date with Jeongin. But to no prevail. So, you surrender to that feeling, today’s a bad day, but tomorrow doesn’t have to be. You’ll make sure of it.

It’s five pm when you finally walk up the stairs of your apartment. Minho went to grab you both something to eat since you’ll be studying again tonight. You wish he’d come home quickly, so you wouldn’t attach your anxiety to him. As long as you see him, then he’s okay.

You open the door, pausing by the front entrance. Something in you tells you to flee, to turn back, and never set foot inside. You don’t listen to it. If you paid attention to everything your mind tells you then you’d never truly live.

You quickly change out of your clothes, before turning on the TV. You mindlessly scroll through the show suggestions, and settle on one you haven’t seen before. You turn up the volume, making sure that the voices of the characters would drown the ones in your mind.

But then, your phone rings. It vibrates from the coffee table, the name of your aunt illuminating your screen. She calls you from time to time, but why is she doing it today? You don’t want to answer, not when there is a bulge in your throat suffocating you.

You watch numbly as the phone call seizes. You breathe out a shaky exhale. You’ll call her tomorrow.

The phone rings again.

You bite your lip harshly, hands shaking as you bring the device to your ear. You’re overreacting, you tell yourself. Nothing’s wrong. Minho will be home soon.

"What’s going on?" you ask immediately, the question slipping out of your mouth before you even thought about it.

Your aunt sighs softly, and then her voice floods your being. It sounds hoarse like she’s been crying. "Look, I…" another sigh, and you imagine her fidgeting with the hem of her dress. She always wore dresses. All seasons mingled. With pretty flowers sewed into them and sometimes even-

"Your mother died in a car accident."

Silence. You can't hear anything after those words are uttered. You know that your TV is still playing in the background and that your aunt is still talking on the phone. But it's completely silent. For five seconds. Where the world stills, as if to allow you a brief moment to process what you just heard.

Your mom. Gone.

But then, sounds crash upon you like a relentless wave. The shatter of the characters in the background, the ticking of your clock, the dull buzz of the refrigerator. And your aunt, she's still talking, telling you about the funeral and when it will be held and you can't believe what you are hearing.

It's all too overwhelming, everything surrounding you is too much to bear so you simply hang up.

You put your phone down on the table. And then you turn it off. That's one sound dealt with.

You turn the TV off and dismantle the clock from your wall so it wouldn't tick anymore. You then unplug your refrigerator. Has its buzzing always been this loud? You wonder. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Now it’s silent. It's what you crave.

Minho will come home soon. You should make him something to eat. You think to yourself. A fruit salad. It's warm outside and the fruits are refreshing.

So, you grab a knife from your drawer, and then you start peeling an orange. Then an apple. It's rugged, and half the fruit is wasted with the peel. You've never really known how to peel the skin properly. So, you put the knife down. The blade is slightly red, you notice. There is blood oozing from your finger. You cut yourself. But it doesn't hurt, so you leave it be.

Light floods your apartment, a stark contrast to the shadows within you. But you want it to be dark, and silent. You already took care of that last part. So, you pull down all the blinds and turn off the lights one by one. Now it's pitch black. Now it's quiet.

You sit on the floor, running your hand across the tiles. You count them, one, two, three. When is Minho coming home?

The floor is cold underneath you, the sensation heightened since your every other sense is muffled. You can't see, you can't hear, but you can still touch. You wished you couldn't anymore. The smallest sensation overstimulates you.

The front door unlocks, but you don't hear someone coming in. You imagine Minho standing by the door, looking around in the dark. It's okay, he'll find you. He always does.

"Honey?" he calls out and you reply from the living room, "I’m here."

You don't have to yell, it's quiet enough for your voice to be carried around your home with ease.

Minho has his flashlight on, you notice. He's looking for you and he finally spots you on the ground. You move a strand of your hair behind your ear, and you feel something warm smear across your cheek. You forgot about your cut- a reminder of the pain lurking beneath the surface, waiting patiently to consume you.

"Baby?" His tone is soft and careful, and you can see the worry brewing in his brown eyes. Why was he worried? You're okay. Nothing happened.

"I made you a fruit salad. It's in the kitchen. Can you please turn off the light?"

"Okay." His voice is calm, and you don't mind him talking. You could bear it. He was different after all, to you.

He’s pulled into the abyss with you, as he sits down next to your rigid figure. His hand rests on top of your pinkie, but you recoil from it. Not because you hate it, but his hand is warm and the floor beneath you is cold. That's a contrasting sensation. You don't want that. You just want a stillness, to feel like a straight line. Straight lines are always sure of themselves, of where they're going. You were tired of feeling like a bent one at the hands of the universe.

"What happened, baby?"

"Nothing."

"Okay. What did you do when I left, hm?"

"Nothing much. I was watching this new show, I think you’ll like it. And then my aunt called. She told me my mom died in a car accident. And then I went to the kitchen and I cut up some fruits. But I didn't know how to peel them. Can you believe it?" you giggle, your voice suddenly high-pitched. "I mean who- who doesn’t know how to peel the skin of an apple? Isn't that such a basic skill?" You're laughing now, you don't know what's funny, but you're laughing.

"And I cut my finger, but I didn't feel anything, Minho. I don't- I don't feel anything," you're still giggling, hot tears trailing down your cheeks rapidly. "My mother died and I don't feel anything. Why- why can't I feel anything? Minho, I can't- I can't-" You're hyperventilating, words straining to come out of your mouth. The breath is knocked out of you and white spots cloud your vision, like the stars that dance around Minho’s eyes. They seem kind enough so you don't fight them. You want to welcome them in the hopes that they'd take this unbearable weight off of you.

"Yn, yn, breathe for me, baby. Listen to my voice," Minho calls out and it's as if you're pulled in two opposing directions. He sounds scared, so you try to do as he says. You don’t want him to worry about you.

"You're doing so well, breathe with me, okay? Breathe in... Breathe out... Perfect, let's do it again," he instructs and you try your best to follow suit. You can feel yourself shaking, your hands moving as if they have a mind of their own. You are cold, too cold, and you can't help but wonder if it's how your mother is feeling right now too.

The thought seems to drive you over the edge and you let out a guttural sob. It racks from within you, reverberating from the depths of your splitting soul. It's a pain unlike any you've ever felt. You try to find something to compare it to, a sensation you imagine must hurt the same. But you can't find any. You can't find a metaphor to make the pain more bearable.

So instead, you let out a heart-wrenching scream, slicing through the silence you tried desperately to maintain. Your throat aches from the strain on your vocal cords but you pay it no mind, not when there is a pain bursting open every seam of yours, undoing every thread you so carefully stitched back into your soul.

Amidst your pitch-black apartment, you see yourself quivering in the corner, head buried in your hands. And then it’s thirteen years old you sitting there, the one who wished for something so horrible to happen on the birthday she spent alone, yet again. Your wish came true, you want to tell her. You tried to take it back, but it came true.

Minho gathers you in his arms, and you clung to him. You know he's trying to wrap you up the best he can, his arms around your back and his legs pressed on you. He's trying his best to stop you from falling apart. From breaking beyond the point of no return. And you think to yourself that you've passed it. You've passed it and he's clinging helplessly into your remains now.

✹✹✹

The funeral went by in a blur, its details elusive in your memory. At times it felt like a fever dream, a mirage conjured by your mind. And sometimes you tried to believe it, to lull yourself into a comfortable thought. Where you don't talk with your mom and she doesn't know how you are doing, but she's still alive. On the other side of the country. She's still breathing.

But this fleeting comfort is quickly shattered. The thought barely lingers, like a whisper in the wind, never staying long enough for you to finally draw in a full breath. Because the grief clings onto your skin, and you carry it with you everywhere, like a stench that won’t quite leave you. You wonder if other people can smell it on you too.

Minho hasn't left your side, once. He's always next to you. His hands are resting on your back or brushing your cheek tenderly. They are always near. And you hold them tightly. You practically memorized the lines etched on his palm. It's all you stared at during the funeral.

It felt wrong and unjust to be somewhere where everybody knew your mother, except for you. You felt as if you were left out, robbed of happy memories to mourn as well. So, you remained silent, gaze fixed intently on Minho's palm. And he didn't mind; he never does when it comes to you.

He's gentle with you, he's always been, but he's particularly gentle with you these weeks. The countless times he's cared for you blur together- his soapy hands skimming your body, massaging the shampoo into your hair when your limbs felt too heavy to move; the meals he cooked for you, making sure that each bite was cool enough before feeding it to you. How he always told you he was proud of you, at random times throughout your days. ‘What for?’ you wanted to scream, ‘I'm barely alive as it is’. "For breathing," he'd add as if he heard the thoughts swirling in your mind. "For being here. For waking up today."

He did your laundry and he folded your clothes. Sometimes he even picked your outfits and dressed you in the morning. Leaving pecks all over your face after each worn clothing. You wanted to smile, to tell him how much you loved him. How his love felt like a sun ray peeking through the cell hole of a prisoner. But you couldn't speak. So, you hoped he knew.

He unburdened you of all these mundane tasks, so you'd focus on other ones. Like attending classes and taking notes and writing essays. Because as much as you wished for it, the world did not pause for your sorrow. In the grand tapestry of existence, where did you stand exactly? You were nothing but a mere speck of light. Your emotions, as profound as they were to you, did not hold the power to halt the world's march, to compel universal mourning.

But Minho made your world stop, just like he promised, almost a year and a half ago. When you finally found your voice, he'd listen to you talk, your head on his lap, his fingers weaving through your hair gently.

"I feel like I’m mourning two people. The person I knew and the person she could have been," you told him one night and he hummed, listening intently to you.

"The what-ifs are killing me Minho. It feels like I’m suffocating each time I think of what could have been. She left so suddenly. But she should've stayed. Maybe our relationship would've gotten better."

"Maybe… or maybe not, you can never truly know. And it’s not your job to find the answers to the questions she left behind. Maybe she didn’t even have them herself."

You appreciated how his hand never left yours, as you journeyed through seas of uncharted emotions. The anger- that came with her leaving so abruptly, leaving you behind with a heavy baggage to dissect. The sadness- from losing the woman who will always be part of you. Because we don't kill our hopeful past selves, we simply bury them and they remain just under the surface of our souls, a testament to everything we've been through.

The nostalgia- that creeps in from time to time, conjuring rose-tinted memories in your head. Maybe her voice was softer here. She did ask about your day one time. Wasn't that her sitting on the benches in your musical play? But it wasn't, it was just your brain trying to soften the harshness of losing her.

It is how our minds cope with grief, your therapist says. Minho convinced you to go see one. Because love doesn't mend everything. And he needed you to be okay again, for yourself.

He's always waiting for you after your sessions end. With coffee and a fresh pastry. You didn't eat them at first, because they tasted bland and you'd rather not waste them. But one time you bit into the strawberry muffin and it tasted sweet and citrusy. And you smiled at Minho.

He stared at you in awe that day, and then he kissed you softly, pressing his pillowy lips against yours. His eyes mirrored galaxies, tears tracing constellations down his cheeks. "You look so pretty when you smile," he whispered tenderly and you felt emotion bubbling within you, stuck in your throat. But you didn’t want to cry. So, you only smiled more brightly at his words, and you kept his compliment stored safely within you, right beside every sweet gesture of his since that day.

Minho didn’t have the answers to all your questions. He didn’t always know what to say to make it feel right. But he stayed there, he tried his best, to heal parts of you that you never knew could be bruised.

You tried one day, to go through the day normally. You woke up, opened the blinds, and then you made Minho breakfast. You ate lunch with Mina, making some jokes here and there. And when you saw Chan in the line of the coffee shop, you went up to him to talk.

And then you got home and showered, put on makeup, and waited for Minho to come to you. As soon as he opened the door, you were on him, hands busy unbuttoning his shirt, your lips pressed wildly on top of his. You missed him, missed the way he made you forget as he touched you, everywhere. As he showed you how much he loved you.

"I want you, please," you whispered, your lips grazing the shell of his ear, your hands roaming across his chest. Your tone was begging and Minho could feel the urgency in it, so he nodded, he could never say no to you. He watched as you guided him to the couch, as you straddled his lap. You kissed his neck and he tilted it back to give you more of an opening. His hands were on your thighs, cautious. Your lips on him felt heavenly but he couldn’t allow himself to get lost in the pleasure, he had to keep an eye on you.

You were urgent, with the way you sucked the tender skin above his collarbones, how you grinded your hips into his. As if you were on borrowed time and you had to make him reach his high as fast as possible.

"Tell me you’re mine," you muttered, between the kisses you imprinted onto his chest. He could see the lipstick stains you left behind as if you needed to mark him up for everyone to see.

"I'm yours," he says, his hand smoothing the top of your hair. He could sense that something was wrong now, because your eyes were glazed over, and your kisses were getting sloppy, as if your mind was somewhere else. So, he grabs your hips to pause you. "I'm yours, angel. You hear me?"

"Tell me you won’t leave, tell me you’re staying," you take his hands away from your sides, clasping them in a tight hold. You capture his lips in a desperate kiss, and Minho can feel the tears streaming down your face. "Tell me you’ll stay, please, I can’t- can’t lose you too."

"Hey, hey, love. It’s okay, calm down," Minho easily frees his hand from your grasp, bringing you closer to his chest. It’s all it takes for you to start sobbing. "Who said anything about losing me? I’m still here, I won’t ever leave you," he shushes, his voice sounding like honey to your ears. It manages to muffle the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

"I'm so so tired Minho, so tired," you sob, burying your head in his chest. You felt as if there was pain igniting the end of each of your nerves. You couldn't run away from it because the pain became you. "I try to be strong, but I can't. It hurts to wake up and- and to try to go on as if nothing happened. The thoughts in my head don't ever stop and I can't- I can't do this anymore. Please make it stop. Make it stop hurting," you press your palm onto your chest, a useless attempt to soothe the burn within.

Why did it feel as if in your attempts to put out the fire raging within you, you only ended up fueling it even more?

"I would- I would if I could but I can't do that, I wish I could-" his tone is desperate, raw pain dripping from it.

"What if I'm not strong enough to do it myself?" you cut him off, finally asking the question that's been haunting you. "What if I can't fill this hole within me and it keeps on growing until it swallows me whole?"

Minho tightens his hold on you, rocking you gently in place, trying to lull your heart to sleep, so it'd stop hurting, even for a moment, even for a second. You know it's selfish to expect him to have all the answers, but he's all you have. He's the only voice you can bear listening to.

"I can't promise you that you'll ever fill the void left by her absence. It will keep on bleeding and throbbing, begging for a temporary patch-up. But one day it'll stop, it can't bleed forever. And around that hole flowers will bloom, like a sanctuary, watered by your overflowing love. Because it is your love that's hurting you, not your anger. Do not kill your heart to stop feeling, please. It will do that on its own, it won't hurt more than it can bear."

"It will take time. And if you run out of your time, I'll give you mine too. You aren't alone in this, we are a binary star, right?" he smiles softly and you nod slightly against his chest. "I read that to the invisible eye, they look like a singular star. I hope that to the universe we'd look like one person too, so they'd pass some of your pain to me."

✹✹✹

It’s been a few months since your mother died. You didn’t like the term passing away, because it entails that it was gentle, in passing, as if you were expecting it. But her death was sudden and it made your entire world flip upside down.

"Would you like to talk to her?" Minho suggested one night, his knuckles brushing against your cheek softly.

"Will you come with me?" you ask quietly.

"Of course. If you want me to, that is."

"I can try."

Minho drove you to the graveyard the following weekend. It felt weird to see her name etched on the grave, a reminder that this was all real and not a figment of your imagination.

"I'm not a daughter anymore." You speak after a while, tone coated in sadness, and acceptance. "But I think I’ve never truly been one, since you were never a mother to me."

"Is it weird, that I miss you? I don't even know what I miss exactly since you were never there. But I miss you. I miss having a mother. And I'm sorry, that you were so angry at the world you couldn't find it in you to love me." You pause, blindly reaching out to hold Minho's hand. He grabs it instantly. "But I won't carry your anger anymore. I don't want to be mad at you, for leaving so suddenly. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. And I hope that you are too, wherever you are now."

You turn around, a small smile gracing your lips, and Minho wastes no time in wrapping you in his arms, your cheek resting against his shoulder. He's proud of you, the emotion shines clear as day in his eyes.

"I wanna take you somewhere," he tells you and you nod, wrapping your arm securely around his waist.

The drive is short and you recognize the place fairly easily. It's the hill you told him about a long time ago, the one that held your happiest memory with your mother.

You both sit on the bench, your head finding solace on his shoulder. The view unfolding in front of you is still as breathtaking, and with each passing moment, the tightness in your chest seems to ease. Memories of your mother and this serene spot intertwine like delicate vines, bringing you a bittersweet sense of comfort. Because mourning someone isn't straightforward, not when humans are this complex, never strictly good or bad.

"Cold?" Minho asks and you shake your head no. "You're a human heater."

"Only near you," he smirks and you giggle slightly.

"I remember your hands used to be so cold."

"So, I could find an excuse to hold yours."

"Are you flirting with me?" you chuckle and he nods, a proud smile on his face. "Is it working?"

"I haven't run away yet, so I suppose it is." There is a newfound lightness in your voice, one you’ve been achingly missing for the past months.

"Come here," he taps his lap with his hands and you promptly lay your head on it.

"Look at the sky," he instructs and you do as he says, squinting your eyes. "What am I supposed to see?" you giggle, but then you feel it, the faintest snowflake falling on your nose tip.

"Go away, I don't want to watch the first snow with you," you tilt your head towards Minho, who's watching you, a soft smile on his face.

You giggle at the distant memory, when you both left Limbo, two years ago. The first time Minho rewrote your memories.

"As if I could ever love you, that'd just be signing a death warrant," you repeat your words from that night, a knowing smile on your face.

"How's that death warrant going?"

"Horrible, so so horrible," you say as you intertwine his hand with yours, squeezing it lightly.

"Mm. I suppose we can't be the exception to the superstition."

"How unfortunate," you smile as he leans down to press a kiss on your forehead, before looking back at the sky again.

He looks perfect from your view. You can clearly see the mole on his nose, the pucker of his rosy lips, and his long eyelashes framing his eyes. You are overcome by a feeling of love for the man beside you, and you stand up from your place to pull him in for a deep kiss.

"What was that for?" he smiles once you lean away, his fingers gently grazing your lips.

"Thank you, for today and for every day since I've met you."

"Of course, my love. You took a big step today, what color are you feeling right now?"

"Whatever color loving you is."

✹✹✹

Hills covered in verdant hues, rows of flowers bursting with vibrant colors, stretching before your eyes. The birds are chirping somewhere near, intermingling with the faint melody of the wind brushing against your skin.

"Here," Minho comes from behind, placing his knit jacket on top of your shoulders. Its warmth seeps through you, and you lean your back against his chest, melting into his embrace. His arms encircle your chest, resting comfortably on top of your heart as if guarding it from harm.

You feel your breathing slow down as you both look out the window. You are somewhere far from the city and its buzzing lights, a small white cottage surrounded by nature, where only you and Minho exist.

Minho nuzzles his chin on your shoulder, placing a chaste kiss under your ear. A light giggle escapes your mouth, as goosebumps rise upon your skin. Your body still reacts as sweetly to Minho, proofs of his love imprinted all over you. His touch is familiar to you but still as soothing, never losing its effect on you. You believe it never will, even when you're both withering down; his touch will still be the only thing making you bloom.

"This is nice," he whispers, sighing softly and you nod against him, raising your hand to settle on top of his. His fingers instinctively find your wedding ring, playing with it as they've done for the past two years.

"It's always nice with you," you say and he smiles softly, squeezing your hand lightly. You remember how it felt when he held it for the first time. How he hasn't let go since. It was only ever his to hold.

"We did well, don't you think? For our first time being alive."

His words make a gentle warmth stir within you. It is your first life, and you're lucky enough to spend it with him.

"We did," you turn around, to find him already looking down at your figure, a fond smile on his face. "To think we probably wouldn't be together if it wasn't for our law classes."

"No," he shakes his head, hands gently cupping your cheeks. "I would've found you. On a random evening when you'd stumble onto Limbo. In the supermarket where you'd buy your cherry shampoo. In the park you used to play in as a kid. I would've found you."

You've once read that when humans are about to pass away, a film of their happiest memories plays in front of their eyes. You know that many years down the road when you're on the brink of going away, you'll remember this moment clearly in your head. You'll remember the cicadas chirping far away, and the zesty smell of the lemon muffins you made earlier today. You'll remember the cold breeze ruffling your hair, and Minho’s warm hands on you. And you'll sigh contently, from having lived a life filled with love.

"My soul is dipped in yours. It will always find you too."

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danytar · 1 month

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“Making him happy” [King!Aegon!Targaryen X Sister!Wife!Reader]

Warnings: Incest, cussing, expletives,+18,(f receiving), vulgarity, dark aegon, mention of fingering, mention of war and death.

Summary: Your husband feels very angry with your grandfather's neglect and you hate seeing his sour mood so as his queen and especially his wife you have to make him get better..

Aegon was sitting on the iron throne, watching you critically as you entered. Even though he needed his fleet, the thought of trusting a pirate disgusted him.

He didn't like the idea of trusting these sea vagabonds He was feeling weaker and weaker after the Greyjoys refused to ally with him against your half-sister. You hated seeing him like this he was angry most of the time and he still hasn't forgotten what happened to your precious son.

You were standing not far from his throne you could see him complaining and showing his frustration to his grandfather and his mother. you felt that you should keep your mouth shut for a time.

You do not rule out that he might insult you in his anger. you really tired of hearing his screams and his inconsiderate words, and you felt a strong desire to silence him. You know very well that aegon can easily shut up is he was with you.

When the court was finally empty, you saw him leaning back on his throne and holding his temples with his eyes closed.

You stood at a distance from his throne and spoke.. “You look upset what's wrong? ”.

He raised his head slightly and then looked at you with a stern look and his lips curled into a frown “Don't act like you dont know! I need a fleet! I need ships! ”.

“I know! Just calm down...please ”. You speak in a low tone and take a step towards his throne. You stop again and speak again “You do not have to ask for the support of the lords, like a beggar asking for alms”.

He stares at you with a slight smile on his lips as she speaks.

“Of course, you are right, my queen, as always. It is time we strike fear into the hearts of traitors. They must learn that they have to recognize me as king, as you said. But still, I need the support of a fleet, and the only way to do that is to rely on sea pirates, which I cannot accept without disgust”.

Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him smiling at you again you're really missed his smile So you maintained eye contact with him and did not break it yet. “We will take what is our will fire and blood we may not have ships, but we do have dragons.. so. If you don't have ships... destroy enemy ships ”. you replied.

Aegon raised an eyebrow at your comment “Are you suggesting burning our half-sister's fleet?”

“Yes”

Aegon felt a wave of surprise, but he remained calm. At least your idea would take care of the pirate part.“Well, that's an interesting idea. But wouldn't that bring a reaction that we weren't ready for? I mean, the whore might just send her dragons as revenge”.

“She can't attack us in King's landing If she does she will have to burn innocent people along with us to take revenge and you know I don't think she's that stupid to do such a thing”.

Aegon nodded at your words. That made sense. If the black queen attacked him she would have to attack King's Landing along with them. And that meant bringing fire and blood to innocent people, which was something he didn't want either.

“You are right, she cannot attack me in King's Landing, that would be suicidal. Now that you remind me, that solves the pirate problem. We burn the ships, and as for the rest, we fight them by swords and blood”.

Aegon smiled more as he looked at you, happy to feel the satisfaction of finding a way through the problem of relying on pirates. This was not only a practical solution but also a solution that would satisfy him because it didn't involve relying on sea vagrants.

“We have found our solution. Now all we need to do is prepare the attack, coordinate the dragon strikes, and strike at the right moment. If we do that, it will be quick and effective. The victory will be ours”.

He was grateful to have an intelligent wife like you. you were a gift from the gods sent to him.The frown finally went away and was replaced by a small cocky smile.

He rose from his throne as he strutted his walk towards you he put his hands on your waist and lifted you up.

“Aegon! ” you chuckled.. “I feel dizzy”.

He chuckled as well then pressed his lips to yours It was a surprise kiss, but you welcomed it He slowly put you down but you wrapped your arms around his neck pressed your body against his own body. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he placed his hands on your buttocks to support you.

Aegon's hands moved slowly, tracing your curves and enjoying the feel of your soft skin. He lingered on each part of your body and savored every inch of you, letting himself feel the pleasure and heat radiating from her.

your lips remained joined, and he pressed his body against yours. His heart beat faster, and his hands moved lower on your body, exploring every inch of you. He wanted to feel your entire body against him, pressing himself against you as close as he could.

You felt like he lost his balance and started to back towards the Iron Throne. you chuckled on is lips as he He sat on his throne again while you were still clinging to him. Even his ruby crown lost its balance and fell off his head.

You looked at the crown as it rolled to the ground he grabbed your chin to bring your attention back to him and kissed you again This time, more passionate and hotter his tongue joined the kiss as well. You can't and moan in his mouth too.

Aegon moaned louder in response and kissed you back, using his tongue to explore your mouth in the same way. your tongues danced together, and the passion grew higher.

your bodies pressed against each other, the heat of your bare skin causing a wave of tingling to sweep over your. His hands ran from your waist to your hip and then to lower, his fingers sliding beneath the fabric there.

“Ah- my love-

“ A good queen who know to please her husband ”. he whispered.. “how lucky I am”.. His tone and voice were full of lust and seduction.

Your cold fingers slid down to unbuckle his belt and invade his dangerous areas. Aegon groaned softly at the feeling of your cold fingers underneath his pants. your hand had a delicious effect, causing his body to shiver with pleasure.

His heartbeat grew even quicker, his breath grew heavier, and he felt that he was about to lose his control when you touched that spot. His lips became more active as he continued to explore your mouth, your tongues making their way while he felt your fingers below his pants. His kisses became more active and enthusiastic, and he felt his body twitching and trembling.

You pulled away from his embrace to kneel in front of his throne then you unziped his pants. He wanted to speak, but he quickly felt your mouth on him He felt a shiver in his body. So he closed his eyes and let you comfort him. He let out a loud groan of pleasure begun to sink back into the throne.

“Fuc-fuck- yes.. darling.. make y- your king.. happy ”. He groaned as his fingers tangling in your hair. It didn't take you long before he reached his climax. You both forgot that you were in the throne room and were vulnerable to interruption and intrusion at any moment.

but you both were the king and the queen of the seven kingdoms and you will do whatever you want even if it meant having sex on that pile of metal.

Soon you felt him cum inside your mouth you took everything he gave you graciously. When you finally pulled away from him, he opened his eyes and smiled widely at you.

His thumb wiped away the remaining liquid on the corner of your mouth. you chuckled softly so did he Then he pulled you into his lap again he unzipped your pants this time to put it inside you.

Of course he wasn't done with you yet...you were the one who wanted to play dirty...

– Taglist ♡ : @hisfavegiri @callsignwidow @xitsemm @saltytidalwavetyphoon @khaleesihel @credulouskhaleesi @lovelykhaleesiii

#house of the dragon #aegon ii targaryen #hotd #aegon headcanons #aegon the second #hotd fanfic #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon fanfic #hotd aegon #aegon x reader #aegon imagine #aegon x you #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen ii x you #tom glynn carney #tom glynn carney x reader #danytar

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stealingyourbones · 6 months

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Submitted Prompts #145

*hands you a fox skull I found in the woods while walking to work*

You know the classic Tattoo Artist AU right?

Now imagine it's Everlasting Trio opening a tattoo parlor together.

They can all do a bit of everything, but Danny specializes in the actual tattoo art part of it, Tucker is their cashier and designer, and Sam does the piercings.

Then one day, in walks one Bruce Wayne, on his journey to learn how to Be Batman, coming to ask Maddie Fenton to teach him all she knows, and, in his downtime between training sessions, ends up being invited on several dates by her son and his awesome partners.

When he feels like he has learned all he could here, Bruce goes with a summoning sygil in his pocket, three new numbers on his phone he calls regularly, and several pieces of art on his body created by each one of the Trio.

Fun part of having the Ghost of Time owe you favors? You can ask him to put up a Time Out so you can visit your Beloved even when he's training with a group as dangerous as the League of Assassins.

Years later, and amidst moving shop to Gotham, Danny Sam and Tucker gets a phone call from a very panicked Bruce Wayne asking how to parent a suddenly-orphaned kid with anger issues.

Dick Grayson, orphan hell-bent on delivering Justice ( and some murder) to his parents' killer, wakes up to suddenly having 4 parents, a strict but loving grandpa, and a sister who's the very personification of Mischief (something something Ghost shenanigans. I'm thinking Ellie didn't age any further until her chronological age caught up with her biological age).

Gotham comes to learn two things then:

Bruce Wayne isn't the innocent prince everyone thinks he is, even if the Brucie persona still has them convinced he's a lucky himbo, if an adventurous one.

And

Stars have mercy on your soul if you go after Robin. Not much gets Phantom out of retirement, but hurting the little bird will get you a Very Angry Parent capable of delivering nightmares to the front step of your mind.

Unfortunately, because I'm a sucker for drama, Jason still dies, but Phantom and Batman are right behind him and holding him as he goes out, the angry screeching and sounds of violence on clownkind accompanying B's gentle affirmations of love (hey, what better way to make use of your kingly diplomatic immunity than to brutally murder another "diplomat" for hurting your son? :D ).

The Pit Rage gets Bad as it always does, but Talia can't get it into Jason's mind that Bruce abandoned him. How could she, when his last memories were of his parents delivering Justice and love in his name?

Red Hood doesn't last a day in Gotham. It was inevitable that someone would recognize him, but he really should've expected the literal ghost to recognize his soul and immediately launch himself at him screeching like a Stressed Parent Bird and alerting the rest of the polycule to the presence of their missing bird.

#dpxdc #bones submissions #Danny first seeing the Joker: im giving you your One Warning #Danny after the Joker kills little Jay: I see youve chosen Death #Danny's Stressed Parent instincts work a little morw gjoslty than human #so his first thought on seeing their missing baby is back was to skother him like a mother hen #his second is to Alert the Other Parents #Bill the Goon watching it happen: damn wish I had parents like that...

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kagakuoniryu · 3 months

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Alastor x reader I've written randomly to vent about a shitty situation I'm currently living

Summary : a new guest you knew from your past life arrive at the hotel, she was that one person who bullied you throigh high school, but she mooks too angelic to be guilty

Code : E/n (ennemy/name)

Tags : fem reader, etablished relationship, angst for the most part, there will maybe be a part 2, mentions of bullying, reader is TRAUMATIZED, english is not my first language, may have some inaccuracy about the show since I'm just projecting, and of course probably ooc characters

It wasn't a bad day, at least not in a place like hell, it was even quite nice, charlie was babbling about a new team bonding activity as usual, and it was nice being with your friends, until around 2 pm...when a new guest arrived...

Oh you remembered her...from high school, so pretty, so popular, she was you best friends ! You should have been overjoyed to see her down here !

Well...not exactly, because she wasn't your best friend anymore, you hardly bear to be in the same room as her, of anger, from your history and how your friendship ended...but also of fear and dread...

You were both teens back then, you and eager to have many friends ! You had your own group of friends, and she was a separate individual, spending her time with her boyfriend often, that's okay by you, you were happy for her, and when that boy left her you welcomed her with open arms ! You became best friend soon, even inseparable ! You heard her badmouth you to your friend group from time to time, but she told you it was okay, it was "to know who was fake" then, one by one, your friends ghosted you, but you had her, she was there at least, making new friends, each time you introduced her they left soon enough, you thought that maybe you were the problem and stopped trying, your best friend was there after all

Until a boy came along, love at first sight for you, he had everything ! He had so much...your best friend wanted him too...and with that, she had him, when you called her out she called you an homewrecker and a toxic friend getting in the way of her relationship, that ended badly and an argument followed, while you stayed on the down low, she texted your few friends left, and any new friends you managed to make telling them how awful you were, so you ended up closing your media althogether, moving away, and never hearing about her ever again

And there she was, she didn't really looked different from her time on her, a round face and blond hair, she didn't looked like she fitted in hell, but you you were different, your body jointed like a doll, mocking your life as the puppet of those who wanted to play you, but if not your appearance, your personnality changed, you were more confident, your boyfriend was a powerful overlord too ! No, not boyfriend, he proposed a month ago after all, he was your fiancee now, and you had friends, through thick and thin, you knew they wouldn't buy into her lie at least !

Having an hard time to breath you sucked it up, maybe she wouldn't recognize you ?

Wrong

How wrong

"Hello ! Welcome to the hazbin hotel ! Guys this is our new guest !" Charlie started with her usually cheerfulness

"Hi everyone ! My name is E/n, I barely arrived in hell ! And I figured that if I could, I would want to be redeemed ! After all everyone deserves second chances !" The girl said back

Her voice hasn't changed, neither her tone, that fake nice tone you used to hear every day, here, one again in flesh and blood, not through a phone, not through class, but..here...

Breathing harder than ever, you only went back to reality when husk called out to you

"Hey ? You seem weird, like you've seen some ghost ?" His tone nonchalant as always showed half concerns, but for him, it was a lot

"A glass, of whiskey, or vodka, whatever you got, strongest you got please"

"Wowowo...alright, that's not your type to drink, what's up...?"

"I-I...I know this girl...she...listens, I can't be in her presence sober, I knew her from where I was alive...we had...some bad conflict...she did some awful things to me, and I got bad issues after that...I said some mean things to her too, we were kids, but since then I'm scared I'll lose all my friends again !"

Husk just nodded at my whispered rant, trying to calm myself, I didn't even insisted on a glass and went straight to my own room since alastor and I didn't shared one yet, not before marriage he said

Later that day, angel vaggie and charlie passed by my room, concerned by my absence, I told them everything, how I ended up abandonning the notion of making friends when I was alive, the calls, the insults, they looked at me with compassion, charlie said she believes that she could have changed, and even if I doubted it, I wanted to believes it

Alastor arrived to spend some quality time with me, dancing on old jazz music far from my time, reading a book, basking in silence with each others

After a while, I thought I could talk about E/n with him, he was my fiancee after all ?

"Al ?" I started, unsure

"Yes my dear ?"

"You know about that new guest at the hotel ?"

"Ah yes, what a cultivated lady, quite entertaining, she was really into songs from the 1980s not my style at all, we had a long discussion about music genres, she's actually quite against modern technology and that picture show"

"Oh...so...you like her company ?"

"She is not insufferable if that's your question"

Finally you decided against your first idea, perhaps she had changed in the end ? Perhaps a new friendship was possible ? With healthy fondation, you could get your bestfriend back !

Wrong again

You revealed her the next day who you were, well, used to be, what linked the two of you back in the living realms, for others, nothing changed, but for you it was subtle, for exemple she never interrupted anyone, but when it came to you each time your mouth opened she would cut you out

She was such a charmer too, a quality you envied her, her audience was captivated, and soon even alastor was her aquaintance, he presented her rosie of course ! Just like he did for charlie !

And just like he did for you...

Rosie found her delightful, and from your tea parties at 3 with her and alastor, became 4, adding E/n

A comment about your appearance back in high school, an embarassing moment you had, a silly crush, every single detail of your life was used to mock you, even your crush on a video game character

Soon you always found excuses to avoid going to the tea party, and spend most of our time outside of the hotel, feeling akward in her presence

You tried talking about it to charlie or maybe vaggie, to no avail, they said how nice E/n was and how much progress she was making, if they weren't saying you sounded silly thinking that in these 3 weeks she took your place, you still felt like it...

And it all confirmed when, after a whole day of searching for everyone, they finally came back to the hotel from shopping...without you

"Finally you're here toots ! We tried searching for ya before going but you weren't anywhere !" Angel started, holding many bags in each arms

"What do you mean ? I was in my room all day ?"

"Wait you weren't out ? E/n told us she saw you leave ?"

"Oh I'm sorry my eyes deceived me...next time I'll still check your room !" As everyone looked sorry I couldn't help but see it, even for a second...

She smirked...

Of course she did, she never changed

This started becoming common occurence, either the others left you behind, or you could leave the entire day without them noticing, and at some point, angel, husk and sir pentious started to distance themselves from you

"Hey angel, hum...you wanna hang out...? Go to a club, or drink with husk, just spend some time betweens pal ?"

"Sorry sweet cheeks, but we're partying with E/n tonight and...she doesn't feel comfortable around you..."

"Wha ? Angel what are you talking about ?"

"She told us about it, about the two of you, hos jealous and manipulative you were, you even tried to make her dump her boyfriend, that wasn't cool of you, I don't want to take side on this, but if I hang out with one of you, I'd rather not force her to be with the other for both your sanities"

"Oh...ok"

That's all you could have mustered, because what was there to muster, you were in hell, all the proof you used to have were on your previous phone in the living realm, but even if angel and the other favored her, mayne your fiancee could understand your side ?

Gently you knocked on alastor's hotel room as he called you to come in, he was currently eating his dinner, a...fresh venison...but you shook your head lightly, taking a sit across the table

"Al, can I vent to you for a bit...?"

"What is it my dear ? But please, spare me your story with E/n, as much as I love a good gossip, the young lady did you a favor by never taking vengance in the living realm, I wouldn't want the two of you to get in troubles once again"

"Al, please it's serious, she's telling lies about le ! And you believes her ? I'm your fiancee ! She's in hell as well !"

"And so are you, and so am I, I am not interested in knowing the why who is were, but I admit your little querrel is...quite entertaining !"

"So your fiancee see her ex bully...and all you think about is entertainment ?"

"Well, ma chère (my dear) as far as we are all concerned, without proof, both of you could be the liar, it's about, who's able to convince the public, just like on a stage"

Alastor's half sadistic smile didn't amused you, you just sighed, getting up, wamking slowly toward the exit of his room, if even your own fiancee, the man you loved refused to believes you, who would ?

You couldn't see alastor's curious expression as you left, he just wanted to prolounge the fun and not outright gives you the solution, but seeing you give up almost made him that for once he screwed up badly

#writing #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor #alastor x reader #angst #alastor angst #x reader #x reader angst #hazbin hotel x reader

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malisorn · 22 days

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⚖ || 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐇𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞

Pairing | Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary | After his wife's suspicious behavior, Aemond finds out of her doings & decided to see it for himself ๋࣭ ⭑

Warnings & Suggestions | Book!Aemond, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Violence (Not on reader), Torture (Not on reader), Threats

You were only eight and ten when your father and the Queen wedded you to her son, Prince Aemond Targaryen.

“A good match, is it not? my darling girl” Your father asks as you two walk through the sept together. Pure bliss in his eyes as he observes the place of your upcoming wedding. “You will be wed here, and trust me my darling, the wedding will be as grand as his brother's.”

“Father…” Would it be wrong to doubt his decision? “What if I don't wish to marry him?” His silence already answers everything that you need to know. “What are you speaking of? you foolish little girl. He is a dragonrider, the King's second son, do you know how valuable that is?”

“He doesn't seem content at our betrothal ” Desperation creeps out of your voice with tears threaten out of your eyes. Your father’s hands land on both of your shoulders, one loud sigh as you feel his tighten squeeze. “Daughter, I’ve raised you a dutiful girl, I have done everything for you and now it is your turn.” You stood still in hopelessness, stunned by the heavy burden he has putted on your shoulder. Your father promptly kissed your forehead and left, the sound of his cussing fade within the tunnel.

And since then, you have done as he said. You wedded Prince Aemond with a smile plastered on your face and endured the painful ache from your wedding night. Everytime your father came to visit in King's Landing, claiming that he has missed his favorite girl but you can see it right through him, he just wanted to use you as his other pawn, and for the longest time, you knew he has been a frequent visitor to street of silver, where gamblers will gather together.

“I do not think the prince will be pleased-”

“I am changing myself, my sweet daughter, this time, i promise to cherish the chance you give upon me." You look at the man in front of you, who is holding your face in his palms but you couldn't recognize him for a single bit.

Is this truly the same man that used to tell you a tale after a nightmare, the very same man that brings you sweets and treats just to see you smile? You hope there are still some pieces of that man inside him. But now, all you see is a man with ruined honor, nothing like a father.

“What are you speaking of, daughter!? He is your husband!” His shout already tired you out. “Don't you wish to see your father content?” He continued as you slowly sit down to rest, your father follows and kneels beside, trying to calm himself down. “Please, please help me, my child.” Holding your hand tight, you look at him with sorrow, the way his eyes were red from the wine with darkness forming under his eyes, you need to help him.

“The sept, tomorrow.” What a shame this is. The last time, you lied to Aemond that you wanted some gold for your new clothes. But since then, you still have the same wardrobe, luckily he hadn't said anything.

“Husband!” You call him with cheerfulness after he returns from his practice. “I’ve prepared you a bath.” Taking his hand as you lead him to the tub, slowly unbutton his leather clothes, he didn't react to your sudden change. “I’ve missed you.” You kiss him on the cheeks as you take off his clothes. With all the leathers to the basket, you return to him, softly massage his shoulders. “How has your day been, husband?” Continue to press onto his tired muscles. “As its usual routine except the part where my wife is being attentive which only happens when she wants something from me.” His words hushed you as he turned to look at you. “What do you want?” You swallow your pride, “Golds.”

He sits next to you, clueless of what has just happened. “I apologize, wife, I didn't mean to-” He swallows down his anger before speaking again. “I will bring it to you on the murrow, I didn't mean to accuse you of something, wife.” You look at him, cheeks stained of tears, before you gently push him onto the bed. This is not the first time you have done this but every single time, you have hoped it would be the last. All these shame and guilt of taking advantage of your husband, it is wrong but you could not deny to help your father.

“Again?” You nod at him. “What happened to your winter collection, has it arrived yet? or should I say have you even met with the tailor?” Hearing no answers and feeling no pressure from your palms, he turns to look at you. And gods, you are crying. “Wife-” You stood on your feet and walked away from the tub. Aemond, fazed by your reaction, gets out of the tub and follows you as he folds the linen around his waist.

The sight of you crying on the edge of the bed with head in your hands. An image of his wife's distress, all caused by him.

The next morning, you wake up to two sackets of gold on the table. You count it and quickly prepare to go to meet your father, disguised as a lady going to the sept. How wrong this is, lying to your husband, to everyone.

As you arrive, you walk through the hall, trying to find your father. As you come across a lurking shadow, “Father”, his smile brightens as he notices the sackets you're holding. Grabbing it from your hand, you look at him with sadness. “Let this be the last time, go back to our castle, it isn't too late, father.” He brushes off your attempt to convince him. “Those people, thinking they are better than me-”

“Father, me and my husband can't help you anymore after this.” You held his hands tight but he quickly let go and ran away. You watch as he leaves again with tears running from your eyes. “Wife” The sound of your husband's voice made you startle as you turned to look at him. Has he been following you?

He indeed has been following you. After all, Aemond couldn't help but notice the way you have been acting strange. The amount of times you ask him golds for clothes, for jewelry, for books, for fragrance, but never once has he seen any of these things in your bedchamber. The swollen eyes you have from crying every once in a while, the whispers of your father, the sins he has committed.

Soon after you have fallen asleep, Aemond went to one of his most trusted companions, Ser Criston Cole. “The Queen has told me that your lady wife's father has been seen on the street of silver. He is a frequent visitor, after the death of his wife, he has drowned himself in cups, betting on his life. I believed that he is the man your wife has been giving those golds to”. Aemond hums at the story. “What should we do with him, my prince?” The question made Aemond wonder, he couldn't kill your father, you would never forgive him but if he lets him go, that man will return to suck out your blood like a leech. “I will think about it.”

As he watches you left in a carriage, Aemond and Criston follow you right after. The sight of you begging your father with tears in your eyes, lost and helpless. He knew that feeling before and he won't let it happen to you again.

“Aemond! I didn't know you would be here, you could've told me you will visit the sept, husband, we would've come here together.” The rush in your voice, trying to hide everything even now. “Why are you here, wife?” you are stunned at his question, trying to keep it together, “To pray, of course, it seems like a good day to pray to the father for justness, is it not?” Aemond laughs at your answer. “Brings him here, Ser Cole.”

You father, dragged by Ser Cole, but he cares not at the humiliation, he only holds tight onto the gold sackets. “Father” Your voice’s weak as you suffer into a sob. “Please, Aemond, let him go.”

“You pray to the father for justness, you say? This is justness, wife.” Ser Cole released your father and he fell to the ground. You kneel to help him, still crying. “Father” You try to hug him, to hold his face in your palms as a sense of comfort but all he did was avoid it. “Aemond, I apologize, please, let him go” You plead with him once more.

“It is not your fault, my wife, come here.” He orders you but you still kneel beside your father. “Come here or I will kill him.” With a single threat, you quickly went to his side. “Ser Cole.” At the mention, ser cole brings out a dagger close to your father's face.

“Aemond, Aemond, please, no, Ser Cole, please.” Aemond silenced you instantly, “These two sackets will be the last golds you get from me and my wife. You will never return back here or ever think of contacting my wife again.” Your father spits at Ser Cole for Aemond's threat. As the situation has worsened, Ser Cole brings the edge of the dagger close to your father's face. Blood slowly drops from his cheeks. You tighten your hold on Aemond's arms, begging him to stop.

Aemond left your side and came to confront your father, taking the dagger from his side, he pointed it at your father's left eye. “Swear it! swear to it or I will carve out your eye, like they did to mine.” With a dagger right at his left eye, your father instantly swears he will never be seen again. Leaving with two sackets of gold. He didn't bother to look back at you, not even a single glance.

“Come, wife” Aemond orders you and you follow him. Returning to Red Keep, you did not talk to him right after the incident. Feared and humiliated, you also miss your father, you wish to know if he is safe, if his cuts have healed yet. And while you are still reluctant with Aemond, both of you know that this is necessary and Aemond loves you as deep as the depth of the ocean that he will protect you from any cruelty of the world, even if it is your father.

masterlist for more

images' credits

The Card Sharp with the Ace of Diamonds by Georges de La Tour

The Moneylender and His Wife by Quentin Matsys

Judith by Leopold Pollak

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x female reader #aemond targaryen x reader #hotd aemond #house of the dragon aemond #aemond targaryen x you #prince aemond #aemond one eye #aemond fanfiction #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen angst

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viviennevermillion · 9 months

Text

just don't say love

✧ summary: he sought you out whenever the pain got too much to handle. he didn't want to know what that made you; feared the day you would ask him how he felt.

✧ contains: blade x gn!reader, hurt/comfort, blade being vulnerable, cuddles, local immortal is scared of feelings, 1.4k words

✧ now playing: say love — james tw

✧ warnings: blade's chronic depression, blade being suicidal, graphic violence (flashbacks to jingliu), angst

He had loved before. He remembered the feeling of genuinely looking forward to seeing another person, to spend his time with those he held dear. His heart had been whole and vulnerable and it had ended with this terrible curse that made him suffer every single day since he woke up in this immortal body and since his former friend drove the blade of her sword through his body over and over again.

Blade was tossing and turning in his quarters, nightmares plaguing his mind even after he woke up. His hands were shaking again and the darkness of the night suddenly reminded him of that day. Of how he died over and over again only to heal and be in pain once more.

He remembered her hateful eyes. Jingliu. How he felt phantom pain in every part of his body at just the mention of her name. He wanted to die. He never wanted to suffer. He sat up in shock as images flashed his mind of how his vision had suddenly ceased when she drove her sword through his head and he felt only pain for... god knows how long. He had, to this day, no idea how long the encounter lasted. Whether she did this for 5 minutes, 30 or perhaps even an hour. It felt like an eternity of only suffering to him.

Blade let out a bitter laugh as he remembered that he had once sat at the same table with her and the rest of the High Cloud Quintet; joking and drinking together. That seemed like someone else's fever dream out of some sort of novel now. He could no longer recognize these memories as something that actually happened to him, not after "Dan Heng" had killed him over and over again when he had tried to hunt the Vidyadhara down across the stars; not after Jingliu had driven her blade through his heart and pierced his lungs repeatedly after he had felt the pain of his muscle fibers and organs regenerating and stitching themselves back together in his guts. Not after he had begged her to stop, begged her for mercy. There was no response. Just endless pain making him fade in and out of consciousness.

Blade clutched his pillow to his chest, feeling like he wasn't getting enough air. But he was used to the feeling. To the pain, the hatred, the anger. That was what kept him moving forward; hoping one day the end would come. It was like toxic fuel in his veins, making him lead a miserable existence. But it was better than doing nothing whilst suffering. So long as there was hatred and the urge for revenge in his heart; he felt as though nothing could push him past a point where there was no going back. He had felt it all before; he had become numb to it. Sometimes, when the pain got too much, his brain would just shut down for a while. It was the closest thing he had to actually being dead. It was something he had gotten used to and with time became impartial to. Why should he care at this point?

But he hated you. Hated the way you quelled the mara within him. He had gotten so accustomed to a life of suffering and pain that he didn't know how to deal with what you made him feel. He expected himself to remain cold, expected to just see you as another stepping stone on his path to death like the other Stellaron Hunters. His eyes had widened in shock and it had felt like every nerve in his body was screaming at him to run when he, against all expectations, completely broke down the first time your hand gently carressed his cheek. For the last few decades at least, everytime someone touched him, he had to expect to feel like a training dummy or a punching bag. His default association with touch had become violence. Not whatever this was.

He had flinched, started shaking. You had retracted your hand in horror, apologizing profusely for causing this reaction in him. Blade just shook his head under quiet sobs, unable to get a word out. He got up and left the room. He didn't talk to you for at least two weeks after that and you had glanced at him in longing; feeling terrible for the encounter. Most of the time he avoided you all-together. You wondered if things would ever go back to the way they were. You had been on good terms before, even felt like you were getting a glimpse behind the walls he had built around his heart. You just had to go ahead and ruin it.

Little did you know that within that time he had avoided you, he was trying to process a realization that terrified him more that the prospect of someone driving a blade through him again. He liked your touch. He craved it. And he hadn't been prepared for it; hadn't been prepared for the prospect of just losing his whole composure like this. He didn't think it was possible. He had allowed you to see him this vulnerable; see the broken man who hid behind the cold exterior and it had deeply embarrassed him. It had made him feel pathetic. He couldn't look you in the eyes again after that.

That was, until the day he found himself in front of your door again, at 2am nonetheless. He couldn't take the distance anymore. You had looked at him with surprise; unsure what to say to him after he had acted like he would love to forget you even existed for two weeks. So you simply opened the door further, gesturing for him to come in. You were just staring at him wordlessly, waiting for him to say something; anything. "Please... do it again", he croaked out and your eyes had widened in shock. "Excuse me-?", you blinked a few times in disbelief when Blade had stepped closer, taken your hand into his and pressed it to his cheek again, leaning into your touch and closing his eyes as if wanting to savor every second of this sensation, should you decide to end all of this right here and now. But you didn't. You had pulled him closer, held him and let him melt into your embrace. You allowed him to cry, not saying a word about it. You had kissed his tears away and he let it happen without question. Blade wouldn't have thought that a man who wanted nothing more than to die could find a lifeline.

He hated you. Hated how this had become a routine. On nights like this, when the pain got too bad and the past haunted him until he could only see flashes of distant memories in front of his inner eye; he found himself at your doorstep every time. He hated how readily you accepted him into your arms when you felt him slip under your blanket and snuggle up to you again, feeling your warmth and the way your fingers gently trailed along the old scars from back then. He hated the way you kissed him so tenderly, held his face in your hands like he was fragile. Because he knew deep inside that in these moments that was the truth. He was so vulnerable when it came to you and scared of the possibility that you'd take this away from him and hurt him the way others had done. Yes, Blade was used to the hatred and violence. It no longer felt like something that could break him. But being loved... being loved made him feel like a scared little fawn in the middle of the road; not moving away despite expecting that you'd run him over with your vehicle any moment now and leave him there until his bones realigned themselves and healed under unspeakable pain, all for the small possibility that you'd instead patiently wait under the moonlight and let him come to you to take him home.

"It's one of those days, hmm?", you whispered softly, your heart aching for him. Blade just nodded and nuzzled your neck, pressing soft kisses to your skin to tell you what he couldn't bring himself to say. You usually made idle small-talk with him, tried to distract him. You never dared speak about what was happening between the two of you. After all, so long as you didn't say anything, you knew he was going to come back.

And Blade didn't comment on it either. He didn't know how to and he was terrified to. Whatever you two were, it was safely concealed within the walls of this room. None of the other Stellaron Hunters knew about it and he intended to keep it that way. He didn't want to risk ruining things; didn't want to risk the possibility that you might never hold him again like this. He didn't want to admit to himself that he didn't actually hate you. How the frustration in his heart had simply taken the place of something he didn't allow himself to feel. To admit.

That he loved you.

He loved you so much and nothing scared him more than that.

#honkai star rail #hsr x reader #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #blade x reader #blade x you #hsr blade #honkai star rail blade #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade x you

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makos-ribcage · 2 months

Text

No one loses ㅡ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

[] - You make Sanji jealous with the help of Zoro

𓇼afab!reader, she/her

! - Toxic relationship, hard language, sanji angst, soft nsfw and implied harsh nsfw

so ive realized how many ppl dont add the fact that sanji is a player when writing stuff about him, so i wanted to write smth based on it, i rlly like the start, enjoy :) if this get enough love ill write a second part :o

You knew what you were getting your ass into. You just didn't expected for it to be so bad from time to time.

You've been dating Sanji for a little longer than 3 months know, but knew him for years. You knew about his issues when it came to women. The fact that he would become a total dumbass, blindfolded, stupid ass man the second a woman appeared in his sight.

You knew that, but you also knew you really loved him, he would make you really happy, you loved the way he was such a gentleman, how he kept himself motivated despite his tragic past and every single little detail about his personality and looks that made him unique.

He also loved you deeply, more than any other woman, he thinks you're the prettiest and best woman out there. But that doesn't stop him to go back to his brainless self in front of women every now and then. You would usually just scold him a little, touch him or just talk to him and he would remember that he was taken and that he had to control his ass.

But not that night, you didn't even recognized him.

Once the Straw Hats became popular, a good amount of pirates and even just random people became "fanatics" of you. Fanatics of Sanji as well.

That blonde cook was good looking, with a deep sensual voice mixed with his height and his ability to cook, enough to make any woman fall over heels to him. Now that his popularity grew, women would even let slide when he was borderline a pervert just to get close to the straw hats or being able to fuck anyone that was part of the crew.

You were at a fancy bar, taking a lil rest from the piracy. Each one of the Straw Hats had a small group of people come around them as they entered the place and each one of them got rid of them in their own way.

Zoro ignored women until they grew tired, Nami stole every single men's wallet, Robin freaked them out with her hands, Luffy acted like Luffy, Usopp told a few lies so obvious that women realized it and you insulted any guy that approached you.

But Sanji? Oh, no. He totally forgot the fact that he was in a relationship the second more than 3 women surrounded him. Flirting with them, telling them that he can cook anything that they wanted, using that deep raspy voice that he knew you loved and place his big soft hands on the women's thigh.

You tried to get him out of there but he would make a comment about "Being enough for everyone", when you called him he basically ignored you, when you touched him he barely noticed. You felt terrible,

After that humiliation, you decided to seat down, your sadness quickly being replaced by anger. You stared at him from the bar with your drink in one hand. He was sitting on the opposite side of the bar with a bunch of women, one on each side of him, the rest surrounding him, massaging his shoulders, giving him compliments, making sure their boobs touched his arms.

You snapped when you saw one of those girls grab his cheeks and playfully kiss his lips. Him just accepting it with a big dumb smile on his face. What the fuck was he even thinking about? You came to the conclusion he wasn't thinking at all.

If he wanted to play a jealousy game, you could play too, and you were going to be the best at it. You knew how to hurt him, you were his girlfriend after all. Zoro.

Zoro and you were quite close. You were strong and independent and he really respected that coming from a woman, specially considering his childhood. You both saw each other as the same, you used to train together, you knowing he wasn't going to hold back because "You're a girl".

It wasn't something unknown that Sanji hated Zoro for some reason, he hated the fact that you trained together, getting to a point where he would just sit and watch your training sessions just to make sure he wasn't going to try anything on you.

You approached him on the bar. He was drinking one of the many drinks that he had planned for the night, slightly drunk but so were all of you. He stared at you as you came closer.

"I need help." You told him, an angry expression on your face that he mimicked right away, thinking it was a dead or life situationship. "Help me get Sanji jealous." His face relaxed.

"Are you serious?" He whispered, feeling like you were teenagers at school.

"Very. Look at him!" You pointed at him, knowing that you could be yelling his name and he wouldn't notice, he was staring directly into some women boobs as he grabbed her waist. "I'm mad as fuck, and you hate him, let's make him mad. No one loses" Besides of Sanji, of course, but he deserves it.

Zoro considered it for a second. He did hated him, he did wanted to help you and you were hot. He gets to be drunk, flirt with a hot girl and make his nemesis mad, he truly don't loses anything.

He chugged his drink, then stared at you. "'Kay, what's the plan?". You smiled.

He put one of his hands on your hip, his hand lingering to your ass slowly. Both of you stood next to a wall near Sanji, you against the wall and Zoro in front of you. Now that you had him so close you realized how big he was. Sanji was tall, sure, but Zoro was big, he covered your body completely, and you felt tiny with his hand on your waist.

Zoro put a happy hand on one of your thighs again, playfully sticking a few fingers under your skirt, wanting to make the best of the situation now that he was at it. You placed a hand on his chest, and he drew you closer with his free hand. Talking to each other while being very near of each other faces. You could breathe the alcohol on Zoro's mouth, and he had a nice view of your cleavage.

Sanji stared at both of you in confusion, he was jealous of you simply talking to him back in the Sunny, seeing both of you so touchy definitely called his attention. But not enough for him to put a stop to his playful flirting with the women.

"It's not working..." You whispered to Zoro, directing your view to Sanji, slightly pouting. He stared into your eyes. "How jealous you wanna make him?". He grabbed your chin, making you face him again. Oh, he was drunk drunk.

His hand drifted to your neck, squeezing it slightly, enough for you to open your mouth slowly to breathe better. Not even trying to dismiss it as a romantic kiss, he licked your lips slowly, kissing you and quickly turning it into a french kiss.

Out of surprise, and maybe something else, you slightly moaned in his mouth, and you felt his lips curl up into a small smile. His hands kept you in place by your waist, you touched his chest not being sure what to do, deciding to hug him by the neck and pull him closer as well. That heated kiss lasted longer than you expected. Zoro's hands explored your body confidently, the hand on your neck slowly going down until reaching one of your boobs.

You grabbed his wrist, not sure if it was being too much. But his hand didn't stopped at all and you didn't knew if Sanji saw you.

It was something childish and dumb, you didn't just wanted to make him a little jealous, you wanted him to feel bad, as bad as you felt watching him not pay attention to you just get some other girls boobs on his face. It made you feel terrible, feel like you weren't enough, like you were replaceable and you were just some girl he said yes to being her boyfriend just to have some pussy that he was certain he would have available always.

Zoro broke the kiss first, staring directly to your red lips, not because of lipstick but because of such type of kiss.

You felt a presence next to you, when you turned your head, Sanji was there, clearly really mad.

"Oh, you're here, I thought I'd had to fuck Zoro to call your attention." You said, probably as mad as him, but keeping a calm nonchalant expression. It was obvious his actions affected you, but you didn't wanted to show that they did, yet.

"I don't mind." Zoro said, back to his usual, less hot, self, also staring at Sanji.

Sanji pushed both of you aside, deciding to deal with you first and then beat the living shit out of Zoro after he was done with you.

He grabbed your hand dragging you out of the bar. Being cornered in a wall once again on an alley a few streets out of the bar and near the docks where the sunny was, now by your boyfriend, you stared at him straight into his eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He said, clear anger on the sound of his voice. "Out of all the men on that bar, It had to be Zoro, of course." He was mad, you could tell, but you decided to play your little act of not caring for longer.

"Yeah, but they were focused on how you were almost fucking every single girl in the bar, I bet they were jealous." You said, staring right into his eyes, he seemed to feel ashamed of his actions, just for a few seconds, a feeling that faded quickly as you kept talking. "But Zoro didn't seem to care, and since you were experimenting with girls hotter than me, I thought I'd do the same with someone hotter than you."

His face turned red quickly. He grabbed your face with one hand harshly. A grip tight enough to make your face hurt a little.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled at you, startling you for a second, but you were sure he wouldn't hurt you, either because you trusted him, because you were drunk or because you were mad, you weren't too sure.

"I don't know, you tell me, you've been an asshole to me all night!" You answered, as harshly as him, quickly getting more and more heated by his lack of excuses, you knew you were wrong, but so was him. And he started the whole deal so he had to apologize first.

He released your face, placing his hand on one of his hips as the other one rested next to your head against the wall. "Of course not! I'd never do such thing! You were the one almost fucking Zoro." Now he was treating you like you were insane. Flirting with other girls was already bad enough, but acting like you hallucinated everything and faking dementia was going to make you genuinely insane.

"Yes you did such thing!" You mocked him, watching his gaze get madder and madder. "I even saw you kiss one!"

"Nope, I don't remember that" He played dumb, and you stared at him dumbfounded.

"You're unbelievable! I can't believe I even started dating you!" You turned your head way from him.

He stared at you in surprise, he knew he had a problem, but he did love you, as much as his stupid behavior allowed him. "What the fuck do you mean?" His expression of surprise was quickly replaced by the same stare of anger you saw directed to you all night. You were forced to face him again as he grabbed your forearm with a little too much strength. Pulling you closer where you could feel his familiar breath. "I mean that I hate you!" You replied quickly, not giving it a lot of thought, probably going to regret saying that as much as he's going to regret not paying you attention that night.

"Fine! I hate you too!" He answered, not letting you go neither pulling you away despite of his words. You stared at him, his blue eyes that looked at you with a hatred that you didn't believe was genuine at all, he probably thought the same of your own stare of hatred.

"Fine." You whispered, looking down to his lips for a few seconds, as you licked yours.

"Fine." He mirrored your expression. Staring into your lips.

Before you could even process that you "Hated each other", you pulled him closer, pressing your lips into his own. He placed a hand on the back of your head while the other one got around your waist.

You gripped his shirt as the kiss continued, unbuttoning the first buttons of his shirt while Sanji's hand on your waist lingered lower and lower.

"Let's go to the sunny." You felt that deep, raspy voice that you loved against your lips once again.

"Yes."

#sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji #sanji angst #one piece #they both suck #one piece angst #one piece x reader #makO's works #angst #toxic relationship

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carlsdarling · 3 months

Note

HEAR ME OUT (up to you!!)

Part 4 to no mercy where they had the baby and they can actually resume to being rough and negan is just being an overprotective grandpa😭😭

No Mercy Part IV

Carl and Y/N have their son and are finally back to enjoying rough sex after a jealousy drama with Enid. Everyone is 18 or over.

WARNINGS: smut, nsfw, slightly violent sex (consensual)

After your and Carl's son Jamie was born, you had moved out of Rick and Michonne's household and had been assigned your own house in Alexandria. By now Jamie was three months old and you and Carl still hadn't resumed your sex life; mostly you were too tired because of the baby, you were still breastfeeding, plus you were still showing your pregnancy and that affected you because you were unsure if Carl would still find your naked body attractive. There were veins on your legs that hadn't been there before, and your stomach was softer and less firm than before, and milk came out of your breasts at the slightest touch.

Carl was on guard duty and you were taking care of Jamie and tidying the house. You decided to do some laundry.

You froze as you emptied the laundry basket from the bathroom. There was something red dangling from the pocket of one of Carl's jeans. You pulled it out and frowned at it: it was a thong, and it wasn't yours. Jealousy seized you painfully, because you immediately had a hunch who the owner of the panties was: Enid. The thong had a golden butterfly embroidered on the top edge, and you had seen it often enough over the hem of Enid's jeans.

Enid had also made no secret of how angry she was that Carl had ended the relationship with her after you returned to Alexandria and revealed to Carl that you were pregnant by him. She didn't respect Carl's relationship with you and took every opportunity to try to sabotage you. She kept stalking Carl somewhere and trying to change his mind; to get him to leave you and get back together with her. There had already been several bitter arguments between you and Carl about this. Carl swore he was no longer interested in Enid, but Enid just wouldn't give up, and apparently she had succeeded. It hurt so much.

You stifled your tears and quickly stuffed the panties into your own pants pocket as you heard footsteps approaching the bathroom, then your father Negan appeared in the doorway. Ever since Jamie was born, Negan had been paying you regular visits - much to Rick's annoyance. But Negan was completely in love with his grandson. Even now, he carried Jamie in his arms. "Jamie can already turn himself around," he announced proudly, as if this was his achievement. "He'll be a leader one day. He'll be just like me."

You preferred not to comment on it - firstly, Negan wasn't going to change his mind anyway, and secondly, you had other things on your mind. Your father seemed to pick up on your bad mood, and he looked at you inquiringly, asking what was wrong.

"Nothing, I'm just tired," you mumbled and gathered up the dirty laundry to put it in the washing machine. On your way to the basement, you saw a silhouette on the porch, you pulled back the curtains on the front door and recognized Enid, so you dropped the laundry to yank the door open. "What do you want?" you asked rudely. You would have liked to scratch her eyes out, but it wasn't her who had betrayed you, it was Carl.

Enid tilted her head and smiled sweetly. "Is Carl here?"

"No," you replied dismissively. "He's on guard duty."

"Oh, it's just... He left this at my place recently." With an innocent face, Enid handed you one of Carl's boxers.

There were a few telltale stains on the light blue fabric. Your face turned red with anger and pain. Carl hadn't had these underwear for long, so he couldn't have forgotten them during his relationship with Enid. And then there were the red undies in his pocket! The evidence was clear. Enid was obviously hoping for a reaction from you, but you didn't want to give her the satisfaction, so you grabbed the boxers and slammed the door in Enid's face. Now you couldn't stop hot tears from running down your cheeks.

Negan heard you crying. "Tell me what's going on, Y/N," he demanded angrily. "What did that girl want?" Then he spotted the boxers in your hand and put one and one together. "Are these Carl's?" he asked sharply, reaching for them. You nodded. Negan's expression darkened menacingly as he eyed the stains on the fabric. "So Carl's cheating on you. That little bastard; I'm going to kill him," he threatened.

"No, do not get involved," you ordered brusquely. "Please take the baby carriage and go for a long walk with Jamie." Carl would be home soon and you wanted to talk to him alone - even if there wasn't really anything more to discuss.

When Carl entered the house a little later, sweaty, dirty and exhausted, you were waiting for him with teary eyes and arms folded across your chest. When he tried to hug you to say hello, you pushed him away. "What's wrong?" he asked, puzzled.

"You're the one asking?" you shouted at him and threw the red thong and his stained boxer shorts to his feet. "You're cheating on me! You are a liar and a cheater!"

Carl looked completely taken aback. "What?" he asked confused and bent down to grab the underwear. He held up the red slip. "I've never seen this before," he said, confused. "What does that mean?"

"Oh, don't play dumb, Carl! You're cheating on me with Enid!" you accused him. "These are Enid's panties, and they were in the pocket of one of your jeans!"

"But that isn't possible," Carl claimed, ruffling his hair. "I swear I've never seen those panties before and I'm not cheating on you!"

"Oh yeah? And why did Enid just come by and bring your boxers that you left at her place after you fucked her? Those are yours, aren't they?" You pointed your finger accusingly at the boxers.

Carl picked it up and inspected it. "Yes, it is," he admitted. "But I don't know how Enid got hold of them, I..."

"Stop lying to me!" you shouted. "Enid had your underwear! And there are cum stains on them! The case is very clear!"

Carl turned red with embarrassment. "I can explain about the stains," he mumbled ashamedly. "It's... the thing is, we haven't had sex since Jamie was born, and... and I... I still have needs, and that's why..."

"That's why you fucked your ex," you said coldly. "Great, Carl."

"No!" protested Carl outraged. "Why won't you let me speak? I wanted to say that... well, I have no choice but to pleasure myself at the moment. I was on guard duty alone recently and... well... I thought of you, and then I... and I didn't have a tissue to clean myself afterwards, and that's where the stains in my underwear come from." With bright red cheeks, Carl looked down at his feet.

"Bullshit!" you snarled. "None of this explains how Enid got hold of your underwear."

"But I don't know that either," Carl tried to defend himself. "Any more than I can explain Enid's panties being in my pocket! All I know is that I tossed both the jeans and the boxers in our laundry basket! Last week already!"

"I don't believe you," you cried.

Carl held out his hands to you, looking desperate. "Please, Y/N, I love you, I would never cheat," he pleaded. "Enid's just jealous, she orchestrated this somehow."

The doorbell rang. "We'll continue talking in a minute," Carl promised and opened the door.

Michonne stood on the threshold. She looked suspiciously from one to the other. "What's going on here? Are you two fighting?" Carl sighed and gave a censored version of events. He left out the part about the stains in his underwear. Michonne frowned. "That's strange," she mused, "because a few days ago, on Monday, I saw Enid come out of your house. From the back door, to be precise. You weren't home, and when I asked her what she was doing in your house, she looked caught off guard and claimed she'd just wanted to return some comics to Carl."

"But I hadn't lent her any comics, and there weren't any comics there either," Carl said immediately. "Enid must have gone into our bathroom to steal my underwear and put her panties in my pocket," he stated angrily. "She wants to break Y/N and me up. That bitch!"

"I want to hear it from Enid herself," you insisted. But on the day in question, you had been home before Carl, and you hadn't actually noticed any comics anywhere.

"Let's go to her and confront her," Michonne suggested. "I can confirm that she was in your house."

The three of you went to Enid's house. Enid grinned gleefully at first when she saw your tear-stained face, but when she spotted Michonne, she suddenly looked panicked. Michonne spoke up. "So, Enid, spill the beans," Michonne said angrily. "What were you really doing at Y/N's and Carl's house a few days ago?"

"I...it was like I said...the comics..." stuttered Enid.

"That's a lie," Carl cut her off, upset. "I didn't lend you any comics."

"Yes, you did," Enid contradicted stubbornly. "You just don't remember."

" Oh really? What comics were they, and where did you put them?" Michonne questioned.

"I... I..." stammered Enid. "On the stairs," she then said.

"But I was home before Carl on Monday, and there were definitely no comics on the stairs," you replied.

"Then... then I put them somewhere else, I can't remember exactly..." Enid squirmed.

"Just admit that you wanted to cause trouble between Carl and Y/N," Michonne demanded angrily. "You could have given the comics back to Carl at any time without going to his house, that's a lie, Enid. I'll tell you what you actually did. You rummaged around in their laundry basket and put your panties in Carl's jeans pocket, and you stole one of his boxers. All to pretend that Carl was sleeping with you and cheating on Y/N. That is so vile, Enid. They have a kid together. Don't make it worse, admit it."

Enid blushed crimson and clenched her fists. "All right, yes, that's how it was!" she hissed, "But it's not fair! Carl should be with me, not her! He just ditched me when Y/N came back and announced she was pregnant! Even though she left Carl without a word!"

"That's not true," you said furiously. "I was sent back to my dad all of a sudden! I didn't even get to say goodbye to Carl! I didn't want to go, I didn't leave him voluntarily!"

Enid didn't respond. "And who knows if your brat is even Carl's? Probably not! You foisted it on him! I'm sure you've fucked several guys!"

Carl stepped forward, his teeth clenched. "That's enough now, Enid," he growled. "You apologize to Y/N right now!"

"'Forget it, I only had your best interests at heart, Carl. She's not good enough for you," Enid raged, slamming the door, but you didn't care if she apologized or not anyway - it had been proven that Carl hadn't been unfaithful to you, and you didn't care about anything else.

You and Carl returned home. Negan was still out with Jamie. As soon as you closed the door behind you and realized the two of you were alone, Carl grabbed you roughly by the wrist, kicked off his shoes and dragged you up the stairs to your shared bedroom, where he pushed you onto the bed and began to undress. "Carl!" you protested, "What..."

"Shut up," he said impatiently. "I want you now." He carelessly tossed his flannel and shirt aside and undid his belt, then unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down and off, along with his boxer shorts. His cock sprang free, hard as a rock and the tip glistening with precum, veins protruding. The sight and scent of it made you tingle with excitement.

You tried to get up from the bed, but Carl immediately pushed you back and pressed you into the pillows, hastily fumbling with your clothes. "Carl, I'm sure my dad will be right back with Jamie, and I really don't feel like it, it's too soon, I'm still breastfeeding, and..."

Carl leaned forward and bit lightly into your neck, then sucked hard and left a hickey. "I don't care," he murmured, his voice hoarse with excitement. "It's been months since I've been able to fuck you. I can't take it anymore. And I don't care if your body has changed. I miss you, Y/N." He tugged at your clothes, dropping them on the floor beside the bed and ripping your lacy panties in his hurry; he held your wrists together above your head with his left hand and spread your thighs with his right. Carl was so needy that he wasted no time with foreplay, he slid his glans over your clit and the opening of your pussy a few times, then pushed his hard shaft into you, moaning.

You let out a soft cry of pain as Carl's dick suddenly stretched your walls, you weren't used to his size anymore and you weren't ready at all, but at the same time, it felt so amazing. It was so intense to finally be intimate with Carl again.

Carl forced himself to wait a moment for you to relax, then he let go of your wrist and began to thrust hard and fast. "There you go," he gasped. "You're getting wet."

You promptly slapped him across the face. "How dare you just fuck me?" you hissed.

Carl grabbed your throat and gave it a quick squeeze that made you black out for a few seconds. "'Slap me again and I'll turn you on your stomach and take you from behind so you won't be able to walk for days," he whispered. "I'll fuck you whenever, however and whereever I want. Remember? Got it?"

Excited to the extreme, you caught your breath as Carl took his hand off your neck; it was true, you were reacting to him as you always had: With every second he was inside you, the wetness between your legs increased. You began to whimper and moan, digging your fingernails into Carl's back. "Oh my god, Carl. You're so good." You put a hand on his firm butt, feeling the motion of his muscles as he thrusted into you.

Carl propped himself up on his elbows and pulled out of you for a moment. He licked off the milk that had leaked from your breasts and sucked and nibbled a little on your nipples. His cock was dripping wet with the fluid from your pussy, even his pubic hair and the area up to his belly button were wet and slippery. "Look how horny you are for me, Y/N," Carl whispered, grinning naughtily.

"Put it back in," you moaned, writhing on the bed. "Please, Carl."

Carl did you the favor, penetrated you again and increased the speed and intensity of his thrusts. Your pussy was on fire, throbbing, you wrapped your legs around Carl's hips, only now realizing how much you had missed having sex with Carl. The room was filled with both of you moaning, sighing and the wet sounds your bodies were making.

"Cum with me," Carl gasped; pounding even faster, unable to hold back any longer. The orgasm swept over you like a hot tsunami, you screamed out, arched your back and buried your teeth into Carl's left shoulder as your muscles spasmed. Carl shot his load into you, collapsing on top of you, quivering with arousal and exertion. You both were totally breathless, Carl's heart beating hard right next to yours. His weight pressed you deep into the mattress, and you languidly stroked his back. You both enjoyed the afterglow, you kissed and looked deep into each other's eyes. "I love you," Carl whispered. "Only you, Y/N. Just you and me, no one else."

"I love you too, Carl." You feathered kisses on his neck and on the red teeth marks you'd left on his shoulder.

After a while, Carl lay down next to you and you snuggled together under the covers, exhausted, sweaty and happy. "Y/N? Are you home?" you suddenly heard Negan's voice. Before you could react, he appeared in the bedroom entrance and stared perplexed at the scene before him - you and Carl in bed in the middle of the day, the smell of sex in the air and your clothes scattered all over the floor. Negan cleared his throat sheepishly. "I'm... glad to see that things seem to have gotten sorted out between you," he mumbled, rubbing his chin, preferring to retreat to the living room.

Carl looked at you mischievously and you both burst out laughing.

Tags: @knochentrocken0808 @taylormarieee @xxcarlswifexx @tessasweet @richardsamboramylove55

(Sorry that this took so long. I was simply never completely content with the fic)

#the walking dead #twd #carl grimes #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes imagines #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl fanfiction #carl grimes smut

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itsgrimeytime · 2 months

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I Told You Now || Rick Grimes (TWD) x gn!reader

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax @mgparker

Part 2

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: I've Told You Now by Sam Smith or "But what the hell, why do you think I come 'round here on my free will? Wasting all my precious time... Oh, the truth spills out and oh I...I've told you now."

Summary: You were in love with Rick, not that he knew. You weren't sure you were ever going to tell him. What could you say, you loved the kids and didn't want to lose them too. It was too risky. But finding out he was chasing after some married woman was just the last straw.

TWs: angst, jealousy, yelling, anger, crying, cursing, mention of fainting, not really unrequited love (you just don't know that yet) and vague references to infidelity (Jessie to her husband).

[[A/N: This song came up on my old playlist, and let me tell ya... I had some thoughts. This might be a two-parter, we shall see. Enjoy <3]]

"Hey, Mags," you hummed -Judith bouncing on your hip, "-where's Rick? I've been trying to find him all da-"

Maggie froze for a second, and you stilled -tightening your grip on Judith. Was there danger? Was everything okay? Your eyes swung around to see if there was anything unusual, anything dangerous-

Your eyes caught on something.

It was Rick, wearing his constable uniform (which you blindly noted suited him really well), and talking to a woman. You knew her name, Jessie, he'd talked about her before -said her husband was a real piece of shit. Everyone within Alexandria apparently knew that, but Rick was the only one to do anything about it.

At the time, you thought it was heroic of him, something Rick would do.

But now...

Your eyes skimmed across his face, across the intent of his blue eyes. There was something there, something you knew. You're not sure if it's the way he stood, or the smooth smile slipped onto his lips, or the way he looked down when he laughed at her -whatever she said, but-

"Why don't you just come inside?"

You barely heard it, something in your chest sinking -heavy. Your heart was pounding in your chest, it felt like every breath took everything out of your lungs, like your whole world was teetering on an edge. And Rick Grimes held it in his hands.

And he was... he was throwing it around, he wasn't even careful-

"Y/N," she continued, and you could hear her but there was something in you that couldn't move.

How long had this been happening? A married woman, really?

You knew her husband was terrible, scum of the Earth-

"Y/N," she warned, gently.

But her?

Why hadn't he ever told you? Why did you ever think that it was different now?

What were you to him? Just a goddamn babysitter?

The hope that had gathered up in your chest was snuffed out, just like the crumbling of your heart. You'd always knew it would come to this, you just weren't ready.

"Y/N," she stressed -trying to gain your focus, "-come on-"

Something in your stomach twisted, sour.

Tossing like a tide, you swayed in place. Your head was getting fuzzy and your eyes were bleary. Your ears felt like they were stuffed, all the voices so far away-

You took a languid blink.

With a breath, you pushed Judith into Maggie's arms -ensuring her safety. And with that, your knees buckled underneath you.

You fell to the ground.

You remember hearing Maggie scream, hearing the rush of footsteps -slapping along the ground. You remember hearing him then too, but something in you soured -you tried so hard to block it out. Ignore it.

"What the hell happened?"

It made your head pound again, made your brain swim. You squeezed your eyes closed like it would bring you some relief, anything-

"Y/N?" A voice offered, you recognized it to be Maggie's, "-are you awake?"

You shifted ever so slightly, eyes blinking open. The first thing you noticed was the bandage along your head, had you hit your head? Your fingers shifted to touch it-

Maggie grabbed your wrist, stopping the motion, "That'll hurt. You hit your head when you... Doctor says it might give you some headaches for a while."

You realized then, you were in a bed -distinctly not yours. You knew the woody smell anywhere, your eyes darted along the nightstands, almost to confirm -an old picture of him, Lori, and Carl. Something in you winced, and not because of your head.

"Told 'im to give us a minute," she revealed, "-I said you'd want to be in your own house, but he insisted."

The apology went unsaid.

"'S okay," you slurred a little, you weren't sure if it was from the pain or the sleep, "-not your fault, Maggie."

"Still," she echoed -something in her protective, "-I won't leave 'im alone with you, I promise."

You laughed a little, "Grimes is gonna do it anyway, we both know that. Hell, maybe I'll finally tell him."

"Because of..."

It again went unsaid, you weren't sure you could say it out loud either.

"How-" you cleared your throat, "-Do you know how long...?"

Maggie sighed -picking at the white comforter, "A few weeks at most, me and Glenn only caught onto it that long. But I don't... I don't know."

"How can I be so pissed-" you cried -tears burning the backs of your eyes, "-I don't deserve to be pissed. How would he even know?"

"Y/N, you can be pissed," she interrupted, wrapped your hands into hers, "-It's not just you. Everyone thought- You aren't delusional. He was... There was something."

"Apparently not," you retorted -bluntly.

"Don't," she frowned, getting something to wipe at your eyes, "-Don't do that to yourself, you couldn't have known better."

"I should've known better," you echoed out -sniffling, "-I'm so stupid. I told myself to n-"

The door swung open.

Rick stood there -less composed than you saw him before. You inwardly flinched at the notion of... before. His hair was a bit unruly like he'd been running his hands through it -he did that when he was worried. You knew that. His jacket (constable jacket) was tossed off, a frown creased on his lips and worry on his brow. He looked at you -unflinchingly.

"I thought I 'eard ya cryin'," he spoke, seemingly to confirm to himself, "-does it hurt? Do I need to go get some medicine? Doc said-"

"No," you interrupted -plainly, wiping at your eyes, "-I'm fine, Rick. Actually-"

You pulled yourself out from under the comforter, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. It felt like you were suffocating in here -all you could smell was him, all you could see was him, all you could feel was him. It wasn't fair.

You needed some air, like now.

"-I'm gonna go home," you finished, looking to Maggie to help you get onto your feet (you were still a little dizzy).

"You can't-" he seemed to respond, in disbelief, "-You ain't supposed to be alone, right now. Doc said-"

"I'll go to Maggie's then," you offered -grabbing your shoes which were placed neatly by the bed. Something in you stung that he had thought to do that for you.

"Why?" He asked -genuine.

You wordlessly walked through the door past him -Maggie trailing you. You padded down the hallway, cursing the familiar walls -the baby toys scattered in the corner, the picture frames hung up on the wall, and the little trinkets from his time on the road.

"You'll tell me if the kids need me, yeah?" You spoke, finally -hand turning the doorknob.

"Will ya just talk to me?"

You stuttered in your step, you could feel Maggie behind you. Your heart twisting in your chest, you just wanted to go. But something in you stopped; god, you loved him so much. It wasn't fair.

"Fine," you answered -clipped, "-Maggie, give us a minute? I'll be over in a few."

She looked at you a moment, trying to see if she should leave maybe. Eyes darting over your face, reading your eyes -she seemed to be satisfied, "Okay."

You spun to Rick, taking a deep breath in through your nose.

"What do you want to talk about, Rick?"

He laughed -in disbelief, you could tell, "What do I wanna talk 'bout? Seriously? Like you don't know?"

You stared at him -wordlessly.

"Y/N," he started -stepping toward you, you almost immediately stepped back and he noticed, "-you fuckin' fainted, you're hurt. We don't even know why and now-"

"I know why," you interrupted.

He seemed to look at you in curiosity, "Why?"

"Haven't been eating," you lied with the ease of the wind.

He seemed to process that a second -concern flitting through his face before settling somewhere else, "'At's bullshit."

"How do you know-"

"You ate dinner at mine last night," he explained, "-an' ya cleaned your plate."

Shit.

"Look Rick," you mended, "-I really don't want to talk about it."

"Why?" He offered, and he stepped forward -you stepped back, "-and now you're... you're avoidin' me? What the hell happened? You were fine, yesterday-"

"Can we not get into this right now?" You interrupted again, "-My head hurts like hell, and I just want to go and rest, like I imagine I was told to do."

Rick leveled a look at you, "Why not 'ere? Why Maggie's? You're always 'round 'ere anyway-"

It slipped out before you could think about it -venomous, "And why do you think that is?"

He stuttered to a stop, "What?"

Regret spilled into your stomach, "Rick, let's not get into this. Seriously. I'm tired-"

"No, no," he echoed, "-you brought it up. What do ya mean? What are you talkin' 'bout?"

"I can't," you swallowed, tears burning the backs of your eyes, "-Rick, not now, okay?"

He looked at you surfing over your eyes, insistent, "Why are you 'round 'ere so often?"

"Rick-"

"I thought it was 'cause ya loved the kids," he listed, "-or 'cause we were friends. But you... 'Ere's another reason."

"Rick, I don't want to."

"Want to what?" He asked, something in his voice teetering, "-Tell me? Talk to me? We used to know everythin' 'bout each other, and now you're sayin'-"

Something in you snapped. You don't know if it was his tone, or the words, or the implication that you had been lying to him while he was so truthful to you-

"God, Rick," you nearly shouted, "-I'm in fucking love with you!"

Rick froze -unmoving. You couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

"Are you happy now?"

He didn't say a word.

"So, yeah. I have been lying to you," you hissed, "-if you wanted to put it that way. If you wanted to say that I'm an asshole for protecting myself, then yeah, I am."

Rick was much different in his stance now -gentle like you'd run at his first motion toward you, eyes flickering between so many things, "Y/N..."

"No," you spoke -steely, "-I'm not. We're not doing this. I already know..."

Your words trailed off, and you swallowed -pushing down the tears. You weren't going to cry now.

"I saw you with Jessie, okay?" you explained -something in your voice softer, fragile, hurt, "-So I know. It's why I fainted. I just... I wasn't expecting it."

"Y/N, I never-"

"Seriously, Rick," you nearly begged -your voice cracking, "-I know. You don't need to drag this out longer. Did you not hear me the first time?"

His mouth snapped shut, even though he looked like he had a lot to say. Words urging to be uttered from his lips. But he didn't say anything, maybe out of respect to you. You were grateful.

"I'll be back by later to see the kids," you echoed out -something in your voice hollow.

"Will ya just let me-"

"Just let me know when Judith's up, okay?" You interrupted, deflecting, "-I said I'd watch her today."

And with a final look (maybe your last ever full look at him), you walked out the door.

#i told you now #its griming time #stuff n' thangs #rick grimes fanfiction #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes x y/n fanfiction #rick grimes x you #twd rick

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queenshelby · 16 days

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Forbidden Desire (Part 23)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (Female/Incestuous)

Warnings: Incest, Smut

Please comment and engage xx 😘

An hour later, when Tommy stepped into the large bedroom he shared with Lizzie, he couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as he closed the door behind him.

He knew what, deep down inside, he wanted and this wasn't her . Lizzie wasn't the girl he yearned for night after night as he lay in bed, unable to chase away thoughts of you.

But this was the life he had chosen; a life with a woman who would bear him children, provide legitimacy, and bring his status within society up. This was the kind of respectable marriage that would keep his illegal business safe and hidden from plain view while gaining him political power.

As Tommy crawled beneath the covers, Lizzie sighed, recognizing your scent on his skin , but chose to ignore it for the sake of their carefully crafted illusion of a happy relationship.

After all, Lizzie and Tommy were about to begin the next chapter of their lives together, surrounded by the grandeur that Arrow House had to offer.

It was a life Lizzie couldn't have fathomed if it wasn't for the Shelby family. Coming from a poor upbringing, Lizzie had always dreamed of a life of luxury and prosperity.

She believed that being married to Tommy would shroud her name with power and influence, allowing her to reach heights she had never thought possible. When she accepted his proposal, her heart was full of both excitement and trepidation, knowing that this would be the biggest challenge she would ever face.

The fact that he slept with other women also never bothered him, although she knew that, with you, all of this was different. She hated the fact that he slept with you because she knew that he was, in fact, in love with you. She could feel the tension between you when you were together during family gatherings and the like, as if an unspoken electricity buzzed in the air. Lizzie would do her best to simply observe without getting involved, trying to figure out exactly what Tommy saw in you that he didn't see in her, but sometimes she lost her temper.

"Why her?" she thus asked, after about twenty minutes of lying there in silence, unable to go back to sleep.

Lizzie's voice, barely above a whisper in the darkness of the room, held a shade of anger that Tommy found familiar.

"Go to sleep, Lizzie," he simply muttered, his own voice heavy with fatigue.

He sighed deeply and settled back into the softness of the bed, his thoughts drifting back to you.

You were never far from his mind, even when he was laying next to Lizzie at night.

He couldn't quite put his finger on why you elicited such strong emotions within him, but there was no denying them.

The attraction was like a moth to a flame, unquenchable and irresistible in every regard.

It was a spark so fierce and unpredictable that it defied all reason and logic. This attraction was a dangerous obsession that would ultimately implode into an inferno.

But then again, he knew that, come tomorrow, things would change. He was going to marry Lizzie , the woman he chose to become his second wife. He would have to put the memories of you, his niece, aside, as much as it pained him to do so.

In the quiet of his dark bedroom, Tommy lay beside Lizzie's still figure. Her soft snores filled the silence between them, but they provided little comfort to Tommy. His mind was distracted, unable to focus on anything but you; your smile, the feel of your body against his, and your eagerness to please him in every way possible.

He had a love-hate relationship with this, but overall, it heightened his urges to have you.

***

On the morning that followed, the big day of your uncle's wedding had arrived and you really did not want to get out of bed.

Witnessing the union between Lizzie and the man you loved made you feel sick to your stomach.

Nonetheless, you got up and got dressed in velvet green gown that accentuated your physique.

You pulled your hair back into an elegant chignon, all the while staring at yourself in the mirror as you prepared for the emotional challenges ahead.

Every step toward Arrow House felt heavy with anticipation, regret, and longing.

The grand mansion bustled with wedding guests dressed to the nines, the air thick with perfume and excited chatter. Everyone was ready to head to the church and your uncle Tommy himself looked incredibly handsome in his tailored suit.

The tension was palpable, not just from the anticipation of the wedding ceremony, but also because of the secrets that everyone kept hidden. Secrets that, if exposed, could shake the very foundations of their world.

You made your way through the throngs of guests and slipped out onto the veranda, desperate for a moment of solitude. You leaned against the cold stone balustrade and took a deep breath, feeling the chilliness in your lungs as you gazed down at the rolling hills beyond.

The misty morning dew clung to the grass and hedges of the estate, shimmering in the weak sunlight. Your heart felt heavy as you watched a pair of birds soar effortlessly across the horizon, free and unafraid. What you wouldn't give to have that same freedom in this world full of constraints and burdens.

A gentle hand on your shoulder made you jump, but you collected yourself quickly and turned to face your father, Arthur Shelby. His rugged features were drawn further together with worry, his gray eyes searching yours.

"What's wrong, Love?" Arthur asked hoarsely, the hand on your shoulder a comforting weight as he too gazed out at the peaceful scene below.

The concern in his voice was clear, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for ruining the excitement for him.

You shook your head softly, unwilling to burden him with your secrets and this unwanted marriage. After all, he could never find out about the kind of relationship you had with his very own brother. "Nothing, Father. I just... I wish this day would pass quickly," you managed to answer as casually as possible.

Arthur's gaze became sharper, intuiting that there was something deeply troubling you, but he simply nodded and pulled you closer to him, letting you rest your head on his chest.

"I know you are sad because of your fiancé's sudden departure but, trust me Love, you can do much better than him, eh?" your father said gently, causing you to chuckle.

"I know," you simply acknowledged while, the truth was that you had already forgotten about Robert.

He had been but a fleeting distraction from the one overwhelming desire that occupied every thought; it was only Tommy who evoked such strong feelings within you.

With Robert, sex felt, well, ordinary - not worth remembering. But with Tommy, passion erupted in the most inopportune moments, leaving you breathless and overwhelmed by longing.

Sensing your silence, Arthur wrapped his arm around your shoulders and together, you watched as the sun burned through the fog, glistening on the dewy grass below.

"Come on now Love, let's head off. No doubt we are going to be late," he then said, seeing that it was time for you to make your way to the church.

You took a deep breath and allowed Arthur to lead you back inside, where the atmosphere had ramped up another level; guests chattering in excited tones as they gathered their belongings and made their way out.

As you wound your way to the exit and through the crowds of people, you were acutely aware of the fact that, despite your happiness for Tommy's new marriage, there was a bitter emptiness, too. You wished things could be different.

You sighed, taking one last glance around the magnificent main foyer before making your way outside and to one of the many Bentleys that had been arranged to transport all the guests.

When you arrived at the church, your heart leaped into your throat at the sheer number of guests that had turned up to celebrate Tommy and Lizzie's wedding.

You could feel the weight of tradition and obligation bearing down on you as you took your seat next to your father, who gave you a reassuring smile and, soon after that, you saw as Tommy took his place at the alter , looking dashing in his wedding suit.

Your heart ached within your chest as you took him in, and as if sensing your gaze, he looked up. For just a moment, our eyes locked, and in that instant, you saw everything you needed to see; the guilt, the longing, the desire that mirrored your own.

He was deep in thought , staring at you with a mixture of regret and a need so fierce it made your heart race.

The guilt gnawed at you both, but the pull towards one another remained.

You watched as he took a deep breath, composing himself once more before turning back to face forward just as the wedding ceremony began and it was then that a single tear snaked its way down your cheek, the pressure in your heart almost unbearable.

You weren't sad because of Tommy's forthcoming marriage as such, but rather you were distraught because of what your relationship with him represented - a love and desire that went beyond accepted norms, meaning this could never be you. You could never be with him, no matter how much this was what you really wanted.

"I am sorry, I need some air," you told your father softly, slipping out of the pew as quietly as possible, but Tommy noticed .

His gaze lingered on you as you passed the crowds, the ache in your chest intensifying. You felt like there was a vice around your heart, squeezing tighter and tighter until all you could focus on was the pain.

Outside the church, you attempted to catch your breath but it was no use. All you could see, hear, and feel was him - Tommy Shelby. The man who had taken control of your very being since you realized you wanted him more than anything else in the world.

At the same time, you watched Lizzie, dressed in white, walking past and towards the alter where Tommy waited. She looked breathtakingly beautiful, but that did not stop the bitterness from flooding your mouth.

You knew what was going to happen next and you couldn't bear to watch. You felt like you were going to be sick and, despite the chilliness of the air, sweat beaded on your brow.

You could hear every word of the ceremony as if it was happening right in your ear - the priest's voice droning on and on until you heard Tommy begin with his vows...

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#cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #tommy shelby #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby smut #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby imagine #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic

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shy-taylorsversion · 3 months

Text

Want You Back | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Inspired by Want You Back by Maisie Peters

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Over a year ago, Y/n started hunting with the boys. Her and Dean's friendship became more than anything she ever had before. Then he hurt her like never before. The worst part was she didn't really care.

Takes place somewhere in season 6 after Sam got his soul back. Flashbacks are during season five.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cursing (minimal), canon-level violence, few innuendos, and mentions of things. Reader is kinda sad and desperate. Angst. no happy ending :(

A/N: Hi!! After a year of trying to write a complete fic to post, I finally did it. Please excuse any grammar or spelling errors, I relied on Grammarly lol Also I had no idea how to write the action scenes but tried my best. I really don't know if this is worth much but I had so much fun writing sooo I hope you enjoy it!! (gif not mine)

March 2010

Y/n’s phone buzzed, drawing her attention from the hunter drunkenly blabbering in her ear. They’d just wrapped up a quick hunt, a werewolf somewhere in northern Montana. She didn’t even really know the guy but Bobby had given him her number to ask for help. She agreed, not really having anything more to do. He was fine for a hunter, other than he never shut up and was getting too handsy for her liking, and him being on his fifth drink wasn’t helping.

She opened the message, not recognizing the number. Bobby had to stop handing it out to whoever.

“Hey, Sweetheart. Whatcha up to?”

The phone fell into her lap. There was only one person she ever let get away with calling her that, or anything really, and he didn’t come around often.

“Depends, who is this?”

The response was almost immediate.

“Don’t do me like that, Y/n”

She could almost see his stupid grin on the screen and had to look away to control the heat rising in her face. Within five seconds and two texts, Dean Winchester had turned her into a giggling schoolgirl with a crush.

“I’m at a bar, what do you want?”

“Ah, a girl after my own heart. Which one? I wanna see you.”

In any other universe, she would have assumed he had ulterior motives. She had the first few times she’d received that text but ended up spending the night hiding her disappointment. He only wanted to see her. He’d meet with her wherever she was. A bar, a motel, a diner.

They’d spend hours talking about everything. She’d tell him stories of her recent hunts and the hunters she was stuck helping. He’d tell her of whatever they’d been facing. On rare occasions, when it was super late and they were sprawled on her bed, in a half-drunken stupor, he’d tell her about Sam or their dad. He’d mention their childhood and what he was put through. One night, he even mentioned a girl named Cassie, he skirted around details but Y/n understood.

They’d fall asleep like that, on top of the covers of a dirty motel bed. The next morning, he’d take her to breakfast, hug her goodbye, and then he was gone.

Her phone buzzed in her hand again.

“I miss you.”

Her blood ran cold as she stared at the screen. He’d definitely never said that before. They just never went there and maybe this wasn’t him going there but it was different. Without another thought, she sent him the address.

Present, April 2011

“What Dean did wasn’t ok, you know that right?” Sam said through the phone. “He never should’ve left like that. We just really could use your and Bobby’s help on this case.”

Y/n sighed in response. What could she even say? That she knew, that she understood. That it still didn’t matter because even through all of the anger and hurt, she’d take him back tomorrow.

Not that he’d ever actually been hers. It was only half a spring, barely two months.

It didn’t matter either way. There was a job to be done and she had to do it. She could put her feelings aside for a few days.

“He always left like that, not like I’m surprised.”

“Look, I’ve gotta go but please, Y/n, call us if you need anything. We’ll be there soon.“

“Bye, Sam.”

The call ended, leaving Y/n leaning against the railing of Bobby’s porch. The early spring wind whipped around her and she hugged her flannel closer, looking out onto the empty road.

It had been over a year since she’d seen either of them. She knew of everything that happened to them. Sam going to hell and coming back without a soul. Dean, living a normal life for over a year with a woman and her kid.

Y/n didn’t know her, only hearing about the situation from Sam and Bobby in passing. She knew her name was Lisa and that Dean cared for her. Maybe more. She knew that Dean had promised Sam to live a normal life after he jumped into the cage. And she was happy that he got a year of peace. She was.

She could picture him helping in the kitchen, wearing an apron with flour smeared across his face. He’d probably set up family movie nights and weekend outings and birthday dinners. He’d been happy and okay. Against all odds, he had gotten out.

That didn’t stop the wave of hurt that washed over at the thought of him, all domestic and soft.

The click of the door opening pulled her out of her thoughts. Bobby stood there, a knowing look on his face.

“C’mon kid, let’s see if we can figure out something before those boys get here.”

A few hours later, Y/n stared at the book in her lap. She’d been rereading the same paragraph for thirty minutes. Every time she’d get drawn into the book, the house would creak or the wind would blow and she’d be snapped out of it.

She kept waiting for the door to open, for footsteps to trail down the foyer and into the living room. She couldn’t even begin to prepare for what the next few days were going to be like. Her only plan was to act as normal as possible, which was already proving to be difficult.

A pit formed in her stomach, there was a lump in her throat and her head was clouded. The whole room was hazy and it felt like she was watching herself exist.

She didn’t even realize she was crying until something wet hit her hands and slid onto her jeans. She quickly wiped her eyes and tried to focus on the book again. The lines blurred together as more tears filled her eyes.

God, she was sitting here crying over some guy. She was a grown woman, she had to get over this. It was pathetic at this point.

“You know, what Dean did was wrong. Leaving like that, not telling you what happening.” Bobby said, walking into the room, a stack of books in his hands. “I love the kid but he’s a real dick sometimes.”

He meant well but she swore if one more person said that Dean had done bad, she was going to go crazy.

She knew that. More than anyone, she knew. She was the one who spent months hunting with him, helping him and Sam figure out how to save the damn world. They’d spent nights wrapped up in each other, more than ever before. Farther than before.

She was the one who woke up to an empty bed with no trace of him anywhere. He never responded to a call or a text. Never even let her know he was alive.

He’d left like an assassin.

Part of her couldn’t even blame him. It probably had been for the best because if he’d told her what the plan had been, she’d have begged.

In the end, he’d got to be a coward and she salvaged some amount of self-respect.

“I know, Bobby.” She said, giving him a small smile, “I know.”

The door creaked causing Y/n to jump, earning her a concerned look from Bobby.

She smiled at him again, trying to reassure him. She could tell he’d been worried about her lately. He was justified in it. She’d been on edge and closed off for the last year and a half.

She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She’d known these boys for the better part of her life, it wasn’t a big deal.

Sam rounded the corner first, entering with a slight grin. His eyes immediately found hers and without warning he pulled her off the couch and into his arms.

Y/n let out a surprised laugh as her feet dangled off the ground and the life was squeezed out of her.

“I missed you too, Sam.” She said, unable to hold back more laughter, “Put me down now.”

Her feet hit the floor and Sam stepped back. She looked him over, still smiling.

“I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, me too.”

A set of footsteps grew louder causing Y/n to look up, only for her to meet two green eyes.

The breath was knocked out of her and she was all too aware of the pit in her stomach again.

Ignoring the pairs of eyes on her, She spun on her heel to face Bobby.

“Let’s get started?”

March 2010

“I call shotgun!” Y/n yelled as they walked out of the diner and took off towards the Impala.

She was probably being unfair. She’d barely shared the passenger side in the few weeks she’d been with the boys. Sam was getting huffy about it, she could tell but she enjoyed the view more from the front. Sitting in the back she’d miss the way Dean’s hands looked gripping the steering wheel, the way his lips moved as he mouthed the lyrics to whatever was on the radio, or the way his eyes would flicker to hers for just a split second.

Dean had also finally let her DJ and she didn’t plan on giving that rare privilege away anytime soon.

“C'mon, dude. It's my turn.” Sam whined, “My legs are starting to cramp.”

Sam beat her to the car which wasn’t surprising since he was literally the size of one. She was close to giving in when an arm landed on her shoulder. Dean nudged Sam out of the way, ignoring his protests, and opened the door.

“Sorry, Sammy.” Dean’s eyes never left hers as she slid into the seat, “Need my Darlin’ by my side.”

Present, April 2011

Cracked wooden planks creaked under Y/n’s feet as she followed the boys and Bobby into the abandoned house. It was pitch black. She blinked her eyes, trying to adapt to the lack of lighting.

According to Sam, a nest of vamps had been holed up there for weeks. They’d started leaving a trail of bodies, teens who’d come through as a dare or curiosity. She didn’t know the exact numbers racked up in that time but it was enough for Sam and Dean to ask for help.

Dean motioned for them to split up, two taking the downstairs and two going up. She went to follow behind Sam who had taken off into the next room but Bobby beat her to it. She would’ve fought back but it wasn’t exactly like she could cause a scene right then.

She followed Dean up the stairs, cringing every time the stairs groaned underneath their feet.

Dean slowed as he hit the final step before a long, dark hallway. Y/n was a step behind him. His body nearly covered her. She shifted to the side to peer around him.

Both raised their machetes, trying to keep their breathing quiet as they waited for any sign of movement.

A crash came from down the hall. Dean started towards the sound, Y/n following close behind. The complete darkness put them on edge. Being minus one sense in a house of at least ten fanged bastards, not fun.

The floorboard creaked behind her causing her to flip around, just in time to dodge the first vampire of the night.

She swung her machete, hitting its arm. Distracted, she brought down the weapon. Its head hit the floor.

Dean yelled out from behind her. She flung herself around to hear him fighting off, what she guessed was three on his own. Her presence seemed to catch the attention of one of them because it charged at her.

She dodged, the vamp lunged again grabbing her by the arm. She twisted out of its grasp. Using the angle to her advantage, she swiped her leg around, knocking it off balance. Its head rolled away as its body hit the ground.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead and turned to try to find Dean. She still couldn’t see him but she could hear him panting a few feet away.

She was yanked forward. Hands gripped her forearms tight enough to leave bruises and slammed into the wall. Her head buzzed on impact and she forced herself to stay upright. Its fangs grazed her neck and then its head dropped to the floor.

Dean stood in front of her, so close she could feel him breathing, rather than hearing it. Without thinking, she reached out to him and landed on his arm. She went to pull away but his other hand grasped her wrist, holding her in place.

“Thanks.” She breathed, “You good?”

“Yeah, You?”

She wished she could see him, make sure he was being truthful. He didn’t exactly have the best track record with honesty. But in the dark, she had no choice but to trust him.

“I’m fine.” There were definitely bruises forming in her arms and her head was still spinning but she’d had worse.

Dean’s hand dropped her wrist. She ignored the deflated feeling in her chest and dropped her arm back to her side.

Without warning, he ran his hands over her arms and up her shoulders. She tried to pull away but he didn’t stop.

“What are you doing?” She whisper-yelled.

“I literally heard you hit the wall, Y/n,” He said, running his hands over her head, checking for any bumps.

“I am fine.” She tried to swat him away but he grabbed her wrists mid-air and pulled them to his chest.

The air was humid around them. She heard him panting. Leather and sweat invaded her senses. Any focus she had before vanished.

He was here, touching her, after so long.

Silence enveloped them. The only noise was their panting.

This was wrong. Sam and Bobby were probably fighting for their life downstairs and here they were, doing whatever this was.

She was about to pull away when a loud yell came from downstairs.

The moment was broken. They took off down the hallway and stairs. Staying close to not get lost in the dark.

They hit the last few steps as a vampire, charged at them.

Dean swung his machete and it fell to the floor.

They moved further into the first floor of the home, finding Sam and Bobby fighting off at least four vamps each.

They split up, him going to Bobby and her going to Sam.

None of the vampires were aware of her yet. She grabbed the syringe of deadman’s blood out of her pocket and plunged the needle into the closet to her.

Now they knew she was there.

Two turned towards her giving Sam time to take down his remaining one.

Both charged at her, hissing. She ran in between them.She flipped around, slicing the blade in an arc. The one on her left doubled over at the impact.

She swung.

The right one lunged at her. She pivoted and cut the blade up.

Its head hit the floor.

She looked around the room, a slight beam of moonlight flooded the house now. She made out Sam helping Bobby up from the floor, right as Dean took down the last vampire.

The room was silent other than everyone trying to catch their breath.

Dean’s eyes found hers. She forced herself to look away. Sam interrupted the non-moment.

“Time for drinks?”

Y/n and the boys decided to go out. They were leaving soon but everyone needed time to wash off and get ready.

She dragged the black liner across her eyelid, double-checking to see if it smeared the shimmery brown eyeshadow she’d already put on. The cracks in the old mirror made it kind of hard to perfect the make-up but it would have to do. She already changed from her bloodied hunting clothes into a clean pair of jeans with a simple tank top. She didn’t own much and traveled with less.

“Broke mirrors are bad luck, ya know?”

Dean leaned against the doorframe, flannel pulled taut around his crossed arms.

She ignored the pit that had reappeared in her stomach and continued applying her lipstick. She flipped through ideas for a response. She could yell at him to get out or cry about how much he hurt her. Instead, she opted to act like nothing was wrong.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who broke it.” She said, shoveling her makeup back into the bag, still never meeting his eye. She stood and gathered the rest of her stuff into a neat pile on her bed. Her back was completely towards him.

She heard him walk into the room and the door clicked shut.

“Y/n, look at me.”

She turned around and looked up at him. Her eyebrows raised like he was boring her. In reality, she was struggling to breathe. Her hands shook and a lump was stuck in her throat.

Her eyes glanced over his face. His jaw was set but eyes were soft. She knew where this was going.

Dean took a deep breath before starting.

“Look, what I did-”

“Do not finish that sentence, Dean Winchester.” She spat.

“I just-”

“No. You don’t get to say anything. You don’t get to say that what you did was wrong or how sorry you are. You don’t think I don’t know that what you did was wrong? Everyone keeps telling me that. Bobby, Sam and now you. They kept telling me how horrible of you that was like it wasn’t me. Like I wasn’t the one who spent months with you, like I didn't help you figure out how to stop the fucking apocalypse. Like I didn’t stitch you up after every hunt or spend every car ride next to you. Like I wasn’t the one who would hold you after you woke up screaming or it wasn’t me who spent every single night in your fucking sheets.”

Every ounce of refrain she’d worked to keep was gone. Hot tears were streaming down her face as her eyes bored into his. He didn’t try to interrupt her but his jaw twitched and body tensed.

“Like it wasn’t me who woke up two months later to an empty bed. You were gone, Dean. You left without a word. No text, no note. Nothing. You fucking left me. And then I found out you were with some other girl for a year? So yeah, I know that what you did was bad.”

Somewhere in her speech, she’d moved close enough for their chest to touch. Her finger was stabbing into his chest. He didn’t move, was barely breathing but she wasn’t finished.

“Maybe it was cheap to you, or maybe it was some fling to pass the time but it was real to me. It was all I had. You were all I had.” Her voice broke at the last word and she dropped her hand. Her head fell as she cried. Over a year of built-up heartbreak exploding in one moment was too much.

His hand found hers and placed it back on his chest. She looked back up at him, his other hand reaching out to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes as his thumb wiped away the remaining tears.

“Do you want to know what the worst part is?” She whispered, eyes still shut. “I’d be yours again if you wanted. If you asked. How pathetic is that?”

“Y/n.”

She opened her eyes to look at him despite her embarrassment.

“You are anything but cheap or pathetic.” His voice was thick and his eyes were glassy. She’d seen him in so many different states but she’d never seen so much emotion written across his face.

“Ask me then. Ask me to come with you.”

His expression darkened and he dropped his hand from her face. He took a step back and looked away.

“It’s not that easy.” He said, shaking his head. “It's never that easy.”

She let out a bitter laugh.

She wasn’t even surprised. She should’ve been disappointed or furious but she was just over it. She was tired and desperate. And if she couldn’t have him, he needed to go.

She wiped a hand down her face and glanced back into the mirror assessing the damage her outburst caused. She started wiping off the messed-up liner before starting to reapply. Dean stood behind her, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Get out.” She said without hesitation, her voice as steady as possible.

He opened his mouth as if to speak but shut it. He walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the doorknob.

“For what it's worth, I am sorry.”

The buzz of conversation filled the packed-out bar. Sam found them a small booth in the corner and was now talking about a new piece of lore he’d found about some Egyptian god. Most of the time, she loved hearing what he had to say but right now all she could focus on was Dean's hand trailing up and down the woman’s hip. He never even sat down with them, finding himself a spot at the bar, next to a pretty blonde. She’d watched for half an hour now as he grinned at the girl, whispered in her ear, and bought her a drink.

She wanted to puke or cry or both. She decided to get drunk instead.

She went to take a sip of her beer only to realize it was empty. Motioning to Sam she was going to get another, she slid out of the booth and made her way to the opposite side of the bar from Dean.

She planned to order a shot of some vodka and another beer but she couldn’t catch the attention of either bartender.

A body bumped up against hers causing her to stumble. A hand wrapped around her waist to catch her. She almost jerked away but she looked up to find a familiarly unfamiliar pair of dark green eyes and dark blonde hair.

The man was by far the prettiest she’d seen all night.

“I am so sorry, It's packed in here. Isn’t it? Nowhere to stand.” He had a slight southern drawl and a boyish charm about him.

“It is. Can’t seem to even order a drink.” She smiled at him.

“You see, now that had to be fate or something because I was just wantin’ to buy you one.” He grinned and waited, almost seeing if she’d allow it. His hand was still on her but she found she didn’t really mind.

The room was fuzzy and she could only make out the man in front of her. Even then, he was a little hazy and she had no idea what he was saying, only that his mouth looked pretty as he said it.

Y/n didn’t know how long it’d been since the handsome stranger volunteered to feed into her night of drunkenness or even how many she’d had so far. She vaguely remembered him buying her the first shot and then the second and maybe a third. They made small talk, she gave some bullshit story about what she did for work and where she was from. Somewhere in between she had a fourth, fifth, and sixth one.

And somewhere between the seventh and now, she’d lost track of Dean. She didn’t even know if he was still there. She did know that the new guy made her feel ok, at least for now. His hands never left her and the drinks never seemed to end.

She could barely remember the events of the day. Maybe by tomorrow, she wouldn’t remember any of it, or at least a girl could hope.

But right now, she didn’t feel like crying or throwing up as long as she didn’t think of it.

She decided in her drunken haze that maybe this was what she needed. So when the stranger asked her if she wanted to leave, she agreed. And when he leaned down to kiss her, she let him.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester songfic #dean winchester

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mcntsee · 4 months

Text

Fires of Passion, Ashes of Hate I

next part

Summary: Lovers (mentioned) to enemies and “I didn’t know where else to go.” all in one 3.2k words fic.

Warnings: Hate (?), mentions of near death (kinda), curses, blood, and injuries.

Note: I actually really like this. Kaz’s thoughts are in italics. Part two will be y/n’s pov and three is going back to kaz’s. Enjoy and let me know what you think! <3

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

It was amusing, in a twisted way. Kaz and Y/N had loved each other intensely, to the point of pain. The love had hurt so deeply that they had to break apart, and with that much love bottled up, anger began. Hatred followed suit.

They hated each other. So much that it pained them, for they had once known each other. Once, they had shared laughter. Once, their love had been so intense that it twisted into hatred.

Hate born from love. How cruel.

In certain aspects, they were undeniably alike. The way they thought, fought, manipulated, and even shared laughter echoed each other—a symmetry they once found endearing.

They cherished locking eyes, finding solace in the reflection of qualities that mirrored each other, even if not in the physical sense.

They had once adored the similarity, but now they detested it. Every move, every thought, every word in their conflicts felt predictable, like battling an unyielding mirror. The annoyance grew as they found themselves entangled in a struggle against the very likeness they had once celebrated.

Kaz had been seated at his desk for what he felt was an extended period, and that, in itself, spoke volumes.

Despite the persistent urge to infiltrate Lehos' house, his thoughts incessantly circled back to her, and he hated it.

He found himself pondering how she would approach it—her plan, the route she would choose, and the exit strategy she might employ. It was exhausting and he knew that if he didn’t devise a plan soon, she would inevitably outsmart him.

His thoughts, however, were abruptly interrupted by a sudden, or rather, a terrible attempt at knocking on his door, capturing his attention.

Quickly glancing at his pocket watch, he realized that by this time, his crows would all be fast asleep. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand. A chill going down his spine.

With no apparent reason for a knock at this hour, he braced himself for a potential confrontation.

He held his breath for a second, then two. With no one bursting through the door, he took a deliberate step forward, his hand gravitating towards the doorknob.

The color drained from his face as swiftly as he yanked the door open. The sight before his eyes was too dreadful to fathom.

"I didn't know where else to go."

With that, she fell forward, her full body weight crashing against his chest and propelling him back two steps.

His eyes swiftly scanned his surroundings, darting from the blood covering the outside of his door, where she had leaned, to the pool of it where she had once been standing.

“Y/n?”

That was it. She was dead. They finally got her. Those were the only words echoing in his mind as he clung to her lifeless form, glancing down to see his hands and vest now tainted with the same crimson hue that stained his door.

And then, he heard a faint hum. Weak, but enough for him to recognize it as coming from the girl, confirming he hadn't hallucinated it. "Y/n!" But the hum was the last sound he heard from her before he felt her body sliding down from his arms, slipping from where they had once been standing.

With all the strength he could muster in their awkward position, he pulled. He pulled and pulled until he reached his bed, pushing her over so she was now lying down on it.

“Saints.”

He stood there, torn between conflicting impulses. A part of him urged to lift her and cast her out of his room—she had no business being there, and he had no obligation to assist her. Yet, another part hesitated, acknowledging she hadn't known where else to go.

That realization alone prompted him to help her. He could envision the difficulty she must have faced to come all the way here. Moreover, he understood the gravity of her situation for her to seek help specifically from him.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”

Were the constant words his mouth kept repeating as he tore clothes off, exposing whatever wounds he could see through the blood.

Her blood that had now painted almost the entirety of his room red.

A soft "I know," slipped through her parted lips, the words resonating and sending shivers through the entirety of his body. "I know."

His heart burned, as intensely as it did when the hate began. The flames of their love had been an inferno, reducing everything to ash.

Ash that had filled their lungs, the very lungs that were once the sanctuary for the breathy laughs they had once shared.

But he couldn't let her die, not like this. If her time came, it would be by his hand, not someone else's.

He alone possessed the authority to extract this overwhelming amount of blood from her. The exclusive right to make her suffer and beg belonged to him.

Beg for what? Forgiveness, perhaps. But what was he supposed to forgive her for—loving him? For making him love her?

He presumed that when the moment arrived, clarity would come. For now, he had to concentrate on the hate coursing through him. The hate that, if wielded wisely, could prolong her existence until the time he could exact his own form of destruction.

“Saints. I really do detest you, love.”

It was the only explanation. He had long ago extinguished the flames of the love they once shared, carefully dusting off the ash from his heart, and decisively leaving her behind.

Each day, she haunted his thoughts, transforming into a relentless fire, hell-bent on destroying his heart.

He moved with urgency, his leg protesting in pain. From her side to the bathroom, he returned with hands laden with bandages. Swiftly turning back, he grabbed a bucket, filled it with water, and returned with it in one hand, a cloth in the other, and a sewing kit clutched between his teeth.

His hands trembled uncontrollably. It was so absurd to witness his own hands shake that a humorless laugh escaped his lips as he shook his head in disbelief.

The room reeked of desperation and the unmistakable scent of iron, and it made him nervous. Nervous enough to prompt him to pull his gloves off, hoping for a better grip on the sewing kit.

He let out a frustrated grunt. Somehow, the damn kit refused to open, as if the crystal lid had been sealed shut with invisible glue.

With time slipping through his fingers like sand in the wind, he covered his eyes, turned his face away, and then, with frustration, raised his arm. Swiftly moving down, he forcefully smashed the kit into the ground, letting it shatter into pieces.

He quickly dropped to his knees, his shaky hand fumbling around in search of the needles. "Fuck," he muttered as a shock of pain ran through his palm. He had found a needle.

Grabbing the thread that had slipped under his bed, he rose as swiftly as his bad leg allowed, promptly placing the needle between his teeth, and tucking the thread into his pocket.

As he took the damp cloth, his gaze lingered on her face. Her eyes moved back and forth behind close lids, and he found himself wondering if she was lost in a dream.

Perhaps, in her dreams, she wandered back to him. Maybe it was a recollection of their laughter reverberating through a moonlit alley, back when times were simpler. When the city’s shadows seemed less ominous, and their love had yet to transmute into hatred.

He only fully returned to his senses when he felt the crimson wetness clinging to his hand.

Each swipe across her wounded body intensified the sensation—the stickiness, the warmth, the almost magnetic pull of her life force seeping into the fibers. It was as if the blood itself whispered secrets of their past, demanding acknowledgment.

He wanted- no, he needed to know, “Why here? Of all places, why did you come here?”

His voice, through gritted teeth that still clung to the needle, was almost as harsh as his scrubbing on her skin. He wasn’t being gentle—she didn’t deserve it. “Answer me!”

Only silence followed, fueling the hate in his heart.

He scrubbed harder, longing for a moment when she might wake up and respond to the questions haunting his mind. Yet, she remained unresponsive. Even in the face of death, she found a way to infuriate him.

Once he had cleaned as much blood as he could, he retrieved the thread from his pocket and took the needle from between his teeth.

Despite his shaky hands, he deftly threaded the needle. After all, he was the barrel's finest lock-picker.

That was something he prided himself on—an ability that, despite his attempts to teach Y/n, she never excelled at.

He took a deep breath and moved forward, his hands approaching the nasty cut just below her ribs.

As much as he craved answers, he was somehow relieved when he glanced up and found Y/n's eyes still glued shut. Just as she had never learned how to quickly pick a lock, he had never learned how to painlessly sew a wound shut. It was going to hurt.

But that was inconsequential to him. He believed she deserved the anguish, and he would have welcomed the sound of her screams.

Yet, he wouldn’t have relished the teasing likely to replace the cries of pain, highlighting how inept he was at this.

In what felt like an eternity, mere minutes passed before he wrapped the gauze he had fetched from the bathroom around -what seemed like- her entire body. Successfully covering every wound he could see.

Having done his part, whether she woke up or not was now in her hands. However, he hoped it would be soon. After all, he was going to need his bed back at some point.

As he waited, his gaze delicately traced her face, pausing at her chapped lips. He once had wondered what they might taste like—whether they would carry the same flavor as the fragrance he associated with her; cherries.

And, at some point during this ordeal, he had found himself hoping her heart would cease to beat.

He hoped that, in some twisted way, this would serve as a justification for his mind to release him from the haunting grip of his past. That it would allow his body to break free and lead him to press his lips to hers in a desperate attempt to bring her back to life.

With a sigh, his gaze shifted from her face to survey the room. The effort required to scrub y/n's body clean of blood made him anticipate the daunting task of cleaning his room.

Not to mention his clothes. His once dark green vest was now adorned in red, gradually transforming into a somber brown. One of his favorite vests now resembled an abstract painting, and it was all her fault.

And he dared not contemplate about his gloves for long. He was usually swift at cleaning them whenever blood stained the fabric, making it easier. He knew delaying the process would complicate matters once the blood had dried. However, exhaustion weighed heavily on him, compounded by the persistent pain in his leg.

His eyes scanned the chaos his room had become once more before returning to her. The desire to push her off his bed and crawl into it tugged at him.

That was until he remembered that he now, too, had to clean the sheets he had just washed hours ago, unless he wanted to sleep on bloody linens.

He groaned, his spine curving against the back of his chair as he threw his head back, his hands quickly coming up to cover his face.

Despite knowing her like the back of his hand, he found himself clueless as to why she had chosen to come here, and the lack of understanding grated on him.

At some point during the night, the weight on his eyelids became too formidable to resist. With one final gaze at her chest's gentle rise and fall, he allowed his chin to lower and rest on his chest, surrendering to the embrace of dreamland.

His dreams, as always, were haunted by her presence. The sparkle in her eyes upon receiving a rose, the comforting weight of her hand in his, and the melody of her laughter as she watched him attempt to knot a cherry's stem with just his tongue.

He had seen her do it countless times, each one effortlessly. The way her lips would glisten with sunlight as she parted them to place the stem inside her mouth.

"It's not that hard, Kaz. Watch."

And he would. His eyes piercing into the pink of her lips, observing as her jaw moved, and the bump her tongue created every now and then on her cheek.

His gaze would shift up to her eyes as he watched her squint one, focusing, her nose scrunching up.

Yet, his admiration was consistently interrupted by her triumphant exclamation, her hand rising to her mouth to retrieve the now knotted stem.

Back then, the task seemed impossible to him. He had made multiple attempts and failed each time. Now, however, he could knot the stems with little to no difficulty.

After the hate started and they drifted apart, he had spent much of his time attempting to forget her, but it proved impossible. After all, he was too engrossed in hating her to erase her from his thoughts.

Before he formed connections with any of his crows, and during the period when y/n and he were no longer on speaking terms, he occupied much of his free time by indulging in cherries. Their flavor, helping rid his mouth of the disgusting taste of jurda.

Popping the stem into his mouth, he tirelessly practiced the art of knotting it over and over again.

One day, he succeeded. From then on, it became progressively easier.

His slumber was rudely disrupted as someone burst into his room, and the daylight struck his eyes in a way that prompted a hiss of discomfort.

“Kaz-“

He was angry at whoever thought they could push his door open and rush in without even knocking first. Then, he remembered the state of the outside of his office, and the anger slowly dissipated.

“Inej.”

“What happened here?”

“Nothing that concerns you.”

Inej fell silent for a moment. Her gaze traced from the now brownish blood on his doorknob to the strangely persistent vibrant red pool by his desk. Following the trail of blood, her eyes paused at the shattered sewing kit before slowly moving to the back of Kaz’s head.

"Are you hurt?"

Kaz's head shook, a humorless laugh escaping his parted lips as he stretched his arms above his head before answering with a simple "No."

She cautiously inched forward, apprehensive about what she might discover but relieved to find Kaz was not in immediate danger. "Then—"

Kaz looked at her, anticipating her continuation of the question. However, before she could proceed, her eyes landed on y/n's form.

“Is that-“

“Yes.”

“What-“

“I don’t know.”

“Why-“

“I also do not know, Inej.”

Kaz had never spoken to Inej about Y/n. He knew he didn't have to provide details about who she was for the crows to be familiar with her. After all, her name, like his and his crows', was whispered in fear throughout the Barrel.

The sole piece of information the crows held about Y/n and Kaz was their mutual animosity. Thus, Kaz could envision the surprise Inej must have experienced when her mind finally comprehended whose blood had stained his office and whose unconscious body still lay on his bed.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"Sadly, yes."

With that, Inej nodded and silently slipped away from his office, mentioning something about instructing one of the dregs to clean the blood off the exterior before it induced another heart attack.

As if prompted by Inej’s comment, he stood up, emitting a grunt as his leg protested with pain. Retrieving his gloves, cloth, and bucket from where they were carelessly left the night before, he made his way to the bathroom.

He vigorously scrubbed at his gloves, desperate to erase any trace of her blood. In the process, vivid memories from the previous night flashed through his mind.

The images of her irritated skin as he scrubbed at the blood covering it, the slow breaths that escaped her parted lips.

With his gloves, he was gentler than he had been with her. His nails delicately digging into any bumps of dry blood, and freeing his gloves from them.

As his eyes met the mirror, he realized that her blood stained not only his gloves but also his left cheek and hair. He assumed it had transferred during his frantic run of fingers through his hair, or when wiping away the sweat from his cheek.

In the midst of rolling his eyes, a flicker of movement seized his attention – the movements that were coming from the second reflection on his mirror.

“Why here?”

He had been unable to extract the answer he desperately sought before, but now that she was awake, he was determined to put his mind at rest.

“Hello to you too, Kaz.”

“Why here?”

In the reflection, he observed her struggling to sit up, her hand pressing against her side, an attempt to alleviate the pain he was certain she was experiencing. Good.

“Look, Kaz-“

“I’m asking you one more time, and that is it. Why here?”

He observed her eyes wandering through the room, surveying the chaos it had devolved into. A subtle flicker of her tongue emerged, moistening her lips as if seeking to revive them from their chapped state.

His patience wore thin once again. With a sigh, he dropped his gloves into the sink and turned to face her. Arms crossed over his chest, he shot her an intense glare.

"Answer me."

He recalled uttering the same words the previous night as she lay on his bed, losing an insane amount of blood. If he concentrated hard enough on the memory, he could still smell the metallic scent of her blood.

“Where else if not here, Kaz?”

“Anywhere but here, Y/n.”

Her eyes finally locked with his, presenting an unusual sight compared to what he was accustomed to. The sparkle within them had long been extinguished, and the white now bore a haunting tint of red.

A bruise darkening the top corner of her eye, creeping toward her eyebrow, caught his attention. It seemed like the result of a forceful impact, possibly delivered by a fist adorned with rings. Gang boss.

Besides Jesper's penchant for rings, the exclusive wearers of such accessories were typically barrel bosses. The rings, often bulky, proudly displayed the insignia of the gang presided over by the person donning them.

These particular rings had a notorious reputation for leaving agonizing bruises, similar to the ones marking her face.

“The slat was the closest-“

“I don’t need your sob story. I want to understand why you believed I would be willing to save your life.”

“Is that not what you did, Brekker?”

There it was. She had transitioned from addressing him as Kaz to resorting to Brekker. He could sense the anger emanating from her, her face contorted in pain, and he permitted himself to relish the spectacle.

He savored it so thoroughly that he opted to add complexity to her situation, even though he wouldn't be there to witness the repercussions.

"It wasn't a favor without a cost. I have a meeting. When I return, I anticipate finding this place spotless, and I want you gone."

#six of crows #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows x reader #fanfiction #kaz brekker #angst #fluff #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n

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