#✘ ❝ WHAT GOES ON IN THAT FUCKED UP HEAD ANYWAY ?? ❞ ⇝〖 ISMS. 〗

[subskz]

Rin.... Rin, I crave violence

I saw these and your girl got the most heinous thoughts bouncing around in the head.

SO

Cabin, Snow, There's Only One Bed, Accidental Confession, & Sex. Are you following?

I hope so.

~~~

Picture it: You, Channie, and Co. have decided to stay at a cabin in the woods for a couple of days in winter (see Channie's outfit up above) and as everyone else goes off to have fun in the snow, (I've grown to dislike the snow after having multiple snow days back to back bc I don't get snow often; Ms. Pink was nawt having it) you two decide to hang back

So you two kinda just shrug it off and try to stay preoccupied while by yourselves

And maybe that involves a game or two here and there, music stuff, cooking and things don't get heated until you two make a bet that you, just so happen to, win.

That bet? The other has to do whatever the other says until the others get back.

And you can't help but notice how eager he is to follow your directions and orders; or how he starts to act cuter around you and pouty when feeling a skosh playful.

So maybe you ask for a kiss to gauge his reaction; ofc Channie is malfunctioning so you're all like "jk jk im totally not-" then BOOM! A big ole smooch is what you get.

And then, he's like "omg oh god im so sorry" then you kiss him and he can't help but moan at it (perv Channie?... oh that's something i will be back abt, mark that down)

N e ways, let's talk abt sex now

Chan and his babyboy-isms seem to just increase tenfold; pouty, whiney, all flushed, wanting physical contact, oral fixation all on 10.

And, him being a service top, he is so hellbent on pleasing you. But he's also been dealing with this huge crush on you, so when he finally enters you, he swears he's entering the 5th dimension.

But also instantly blurts out that he has feelings for you... whoops. Can't help it, unfortunately; another victim of being brain mush as soon as he gets off :(

Give him a kiss on his lips and nose and tell him how you feel and help guide him; poor pup is just too into his subspace to even form coherent sentences anymore and probably too preoccupied with sucking on your fingers or chest 🤷‍♀️

Now, afterglow and post-orgasm clarity is such a real thing (it's happened once to me but i had the munchies like fucking crazy so it didn't last lmao) so Channie is embarrassed when he realized that he involuntarily confessed like that.

~~~

Sorry for the word vomit; currently half past 11pm and I've been sipping on black tea all-day so... :) 3rd eye is just working over time.

Also, I called a specific Hyunjin look back in 2021, so Pink is just Clairvoyant when it comes to Hyunjin specifically (it's bc we're both Pisces)

the fact that these pics led to this stroke of genius from you…put channie in a sweater n suspenders more often bc i’m actually gonna lose my mind over how much i love this 😵‍💫 him pining after you…simultaneously so shy but so eager…the desperate need to please you…the way he goes dumb the moment he’s inside you…blurting out his confession…it has all the elements of a perfect channie concept

HAHA yes let’s settle for the romantic atmosphere inside the cabin away from the snow…maybe even w a warm fire crackling to really set the mood ♡ channie being his sweet good-natured lil self and listening to everything you say without question…the thought of him getting playful at some point and pretending to disobey you w a cheeky dimpled grin…pure devastation. he’d look so adorably proud of himself it’s almost enough to let it slide, but you don’t even get the chance before he takes it back w a giggle and follows your order anyway 🥰

his heart-shaped lips look extra red and kissable bc of the cold who could resist <3 and god the way he’d just lean completely into that sweet, unbashedly needy side of himself once he sees how much you like it…the epitome of baby boy w the way he clings to you and nuzzles into your chest and starts to whine if he can’t feel your touch for even a moment. and nothing on earth makes me crazier than the idea of channie’s mind going blank the moment he feels you around him…suddenly he’s lost and clueless and needs you to direct him to do every little thing so he can satisfy you properly ❤️‍🔥 he may not be able to think for himself but he still carries out all your orders like a good boy! and ofc when his emotions are running so high and his head is so scrambled from the pleasure, he can’t help but babble on abt how much he loves you in a way that’ll have him absolutely mortified when that giddy haze finally wears off~

no need to apologize as u can see this resonated w me very much hehe ^_^ you and hyune really have some kind of piscean psychic link that no one else can comprehend i’ll look forward to what you predict next 😼

#‘anyways let’s talk abt sex now’ took me OUT 😭 #this couldnt have come at a better time too bc the sleepy voice msgs channie has been sending on bbl… #speaking so cutely and giggling and making lil noises and getting shy and talking in third person…he’s such a baby #esp how he said ‘if u have nothing else to do please put channie to sleep’ ㅠㅠ #ask #pink #long post #💌 channie

[ctommy-chileno]

Here's a list of some ongoing fanfictions I've been following if you want some literature

(Ongoing as in. Updated in the past month or this month)

Butterfly Reign: You know this one, it's the angst full and oddly yellow one. I always end up finding out it updated a day before it released how does that keep happening?. It's a good read, the characters get deeper the more you read it, and yet even with all their hidden lore and ok ish intentions I still want them to suffer because I'm a spiteful bitch. Unreliable narrator to you I believe him.

In the name of the fucking moon: Its a magical girls AU with the benchers and the family, more on the old school monster of the week type of magical girls but with continuity. If you imagine the scenes in your head while reading please add an 80's anime filter over it. Fun to read 👍 I got halfway through and I'm waiting for it to finish so I can binge it.

Guided evolution: Only read this if you have a lot of free time or the time management skills of a lawyer because this here is 300.000+ words and incredibly good. Every chapter I do nothing but worry for my spider son. Hasn't he been through enough I ask, while seeing I'm on chapter 52 out of 75. I know the answer, and it only serves to hurt me.

How to be the biggest trainer ever: Crimeboys go in a pokemon adventure. A very friendly fun read, like the pokemon anime but with your favourite white boys having fun 👍the world is set on gen 1 I think, so use that soundtrack

The stars and their children: Ive only read till chapter 5 and that's enough to know its good (also the fact that I follow the author here on tumblr so I get spoiled every once in a while hehe) This one is more sandduo focused and it has cool sci fi monarchy and it's also very near to end?? I didn't know that. Guess I'll get up to date then. Star tommy did nothing wrong I haven't seen him do much of anything but if he does in the other 19 chapters be aware he did nothing wrong

By the morrow: this one is weird and interesting in the most enticing way possible. What the fuck is going on. I must know all the reasons behind what is happening here. It can be quite macabre so be aware. I only found this one because the author posted the updates to tumblr. Oh yeah the synopsis, superhero au where the ctommy is a nobody who dies and fucks around the town in his ghost form but shit hits the fan incredibly quickly.

Who the ever loving fuck made me a prince: Its an Isekai yipee, our main boy (el ctommy) reads a book where a kid prince dies. L. Then he wakes up as that same kid!!! Oh no!!! Good news is he's reincarnated right in baby zone so he has plenty of time and skill to make sure won't die 👍, its fun, if you like isekais and don't mind some anime trope baby ism then you will live another day

Proof that life hates tommyinnit personally: This is a mystery!!! Spooky!! With touches of angst, perhaps more than some touches but hey the thrill!! The search!! I enjoy the use of the "it's not paranoia if they're really put to get you" tag. Its one of those fics that if it ever gets dropped I would go to the authors house to ask how was it supposed to end. I need. To know. Oh yeah summary: el ctommy is homeless and has many friends in a local mall who don't know that. This is only one (1) of his problems as he's recently gained a stalker, and everything points to being someone he knows ?? Question mark?? Fun.

TommyInnit's Declassified Vigilante Survival Guide: Ah a good old vigilante fic, just like mama used to make. it checks all the marks: benchtrio living together, villain sbi, when the family is founded, heroes yet bad?? and introducing a cool new power to the boy, what a joy! It is funny and it is cool

Our love it's like a burning sun: you've heard of racconinnit, birdinnit, ratinnit, cat shifter innit, possumi- hm I haven't heard that actually, anyways get ready for Red Panda innit, here's a red panda shifter who runs away from mean kingdom and goes to nice kingdom where he can find some family. And sometimes that's all you need to face the horrors

Thunder on my bones: ANOTHER superhero au listen man this one is good trust me. We have superhero boy being sidekick to mean superhero then gets moved to nice family of superheroes and the family is found :)) but also there's villains that want to fuck him up , uh oh! How will they found the family in this conditions! I also really like the design of the tommy superhero outfit, it has a really nice detail that I love imagining in my head ^^

There are more but these are long and easy to get into

#tommyinnit #sbi #sleepy boys inc #crimeboys #longpost #it is a long ass post #i follow some of these authors on tumblr and some on twitter #so ill always be aware qhen its update time

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami x6 you are okay boss everyone needs to recharge sometimes……. Im actually extremely head empty today so apologies if this is like just Entirely Words V_V But real real…… I wish there was more general discussion of Majima's relationship with his family because iirc it wasn’t even something he asked for initially but he gets it Anyways and now he just has to deal with it. But not only that it soon becomes somehow The Biggest Family in the tojo which leads now to Majima basically being responsible for like so much of the clan to the point where he’s constantly getting threatened because there’s no one else TO threaten anymore the tojo is in such shambles…. and well how are you expecting him to act normally and kindly in this sort of situation. I wish the games took it more seriously because I feel like at least w what we see of Nishida Majima's casual violence and abuse is treated a bit too Jokingly but like I get why he’s Like That. World is a hell the cycles just keep continuing forever! Also nah you’re okay for tangents I also actually love Majima a lot I just feel myself break out into hives whenever I have to witness fandom Majima Family stuff where a lot of it treats it as though it’s just like funny cutesy hahas and not like an Organisation of extremely violent and fucked up people who realistically probably don’t know how to really interact with each other and the interesting ways this could be shown. Like i love shitposts top but come on gang. Png

Also I hope you don’t take this poorly but I have no idea who Aratani is <///3 I couldn’t find him on the wiki and Im not super far yet in the yakuza franchise so you’ll have to excuse me if your points In Regards to majima family members which one actually is taken seriously and which one is not Im just nodding along. But YES real I loooveeeeeee the whole minor theme of like reputation and stories in yakuza…. I think Kiryu is the most notable example of this with how much reverence people put on his name and how it affects like important characters (nishiki most obviously but also Ryuji and the whole debate of “There can only be one dragon” etc) but Majima would definitely also have stories about him that would spread far and wide and it doesn’t matter if they’re true or even real at all because it’s the Image that lingers and that would affect the people around him too most importantly to this discussion Minami. Wants to be somebody ism IS real and i am shaking it around by the neck

Minami might be a lil side character goofy guy but he is my friend and ill put the work into developing him if i must. RGG hire me for my spin off game where you are a employee at Majima construction and you do building minigames and get to hang out with and get to know better Nishida and Minami respectively amen. And i hope the playlist making of one day goes well <33

FEAR NOT! i have pickture of the sulking wretched fiend.....

I'm afraid i don't have a screenshot of him not going on about his whole deal but he's literally patriarch-gunner personified....... Aratani (and most other M.Family men that i'll ever mention for a while besides Minami and Nishida) is a Dead Souls exclusive! i am currently watching a playthru of DS because i've already exposed myself to spoilers a'plenty cause idrc + i think having the most atrocious watchorder of Yakuza is really really funny. We've gone from all of Y0 shown to me by an ex > a lil bit of Y1 > Dead Souls > and then imma do either Y7 or Y3. i enjoy making things harder for myself

also ive had the exact same wishful thinking to myself....... sidecharacter spinoff game...... where u just hang out with them or some shit whatever. most loserific iteration being a Minami focused one because Who Even Wants That but i'll own it idc i have ideas. i have plans. the haters (rggstudios legal team) will sabotage me etc etc. i'd like to think i could have an okay shot at balancing the At First I Lol'd with the But Then I Serioused in a way that's satisfying 'cause both are integral to these characters to me. just like, two more seconds of thinking implications of Anything through would do this series Wonders

but sidetracking cause you mentioned M.Construction and its got me Thinking Again cause like.... i like the idea of balancing Nishida + Minami as opposites in many ways who clash and struggle to fit in with the other. they're not perfect opposites by any means but they function pretty closely. i like stressed, decent Nishida representing the side of the family involved with M.Con while lenient punk twat Minami is firmly planted in the Yakuza side. if Junior Leader is at all involved with a training position then that kind of helps prop up this idea a little bit.... though, ofc, there would be plenty overlap, having so many men on payroll practically requires you to make jobs for them, so it's not like the Family is divided into these two sectors or anything.... lots of mixing of shifts goes down no doubt. whether there is a method to this assignment is another story entirely (probably depends on each person's strengths, abilities, whether they applied for sitework specifically, or as punishment/reward)

(shit i made up territory) Minami is probably assigned to M.Con worksites often.... probably as punishment 'cause you already know this man got the 80HDeez he can't sit still and not cause trouble for the life of him. it both keeps him in one place and occupied while still holding over his head that he Fucked Up, Dummy. oh great, now I gotta deal with Nishida's bullshit (petty squabbling ensues in the office that's my setup to get the two to interact on a regular basis anyways.... there's lots of fun to be had with these two, but so little actually bridges them together. they're SOOO WORSTIES but they work on the other ends of the Family. one's at Oyaji's beck-and-call and the other is kept as far away from Oyaji as possible the millisecond he annoys him a lil too much. one belongs in finance and requires anxiety drugs while the other can't dress himself and needs rehab. oh my god theyre so (crushes them in my hands like putty

#ikildaman shut the fuck up #laughing at being called boss also. me? boss? you have contracted yakuza goon syndrome #i cant even say i hate it its kindof slay.....(guy whose faves are all gang goons #in a strangely beautiful irony Minami probably Does get stories told about him.. #theyre just not told with the fearful reverence that Majimas are #Majima basically crawled out of hell kicking and screaming and shrieking and killing. Minami is just a weirdo #(said with love) #everything u say abt Majima nd his Family are so real and true btw you get me you Get It #I NEED A SPOTLIGHT ON THE FAMILY MEN.... I NEED IT NEEOWWW #something beyond using them as plot and joke props. please #i need just one family man to be a Person a little bit. pleeeeeeease #i think Kido is like this a little bit but im not sure. looking forward to meeting him #Rikiya too ohmy god how could i forget

[sukrpnch]

tag DUMP no.1 !!

#✘ ❝ DUMBASS BASTARD !! ❞ ⇝〖 OOC. 〗 #✘ ❝ GET SUCKER PUNCHED !! ❞ ⇝〖 IC. 〗 #✘ ❝ LET'S BREAK THE CHARTS !! ❞ ⇝〖 SELFPROMO. 〗 #✘ ❝ CAN'T STAY AWAY !! ❞ ⇝〖 PROM0. 〗 #✘ ❝ LOCKED LOADED AND PRIMED BABY !! ❞ ⇝〖 ANSWERED. 〗 #✘ ❝ FREE SAMPLES !! ❞ ⇝〖 OPEN. 〗 #✘ ❝ WHAT GOES ON IN THAT FUCKED UP HEAD ANYWAY ?? ❞ ⇝〖 ISMS. 〗 #✘ ❝ SECRETS OUT THE WAZOO !! ❞ ⇝〖 HEADCANONS. 〗

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

#Anonymous #lena

[thechangeling]

Ok so a conversation @littlx-songbxrd and I were having made me remember something I was ranting about to a friend of mine once.

Brace yourselves this is going to be long. I'm sorry.

The sexism, homophobia and racism of the shadoworld straight up doesn't make sense and here's why. So if we start chronologically with the infernal devices. There is sexism towards Charlotte right? People don't want her running the institute and they don't want her becoming the consul because she is a woman. But the Clave has no problem letting women train and fight. This doesn't really make sense in my opinion.

Now you could argue that it's because they believe woman can be string capable fighters just not rational thinkers. Which is weird because in my experience you don't meet a lot of people who are "partially sexist" in that way. Like if a man believes a woman can't do high profile, high paying jobs then they usually also don't want them in the military. Anyways moving on, there aren't any mentions of homophobia in TID, mostly because they're arent any queer characters except Magnus and Woolsey.

But something interesting to point out is that none of the characters who know about Magnus and Woolsey ever comment on it really. And following this point, none of the mains display any signs of misogyny either really. (Except for what Will says to Tessa at the end of CA but that was because of the "curse.") You could argue that this is because they're the protagonists so they are supposed to be better then that. But accidental microaggressions are pretty common especially during that time period. More on that later.

Moving onto racism, this is the interesting part. Jem says to Tessa that shadowhunters believe that you are a shadowhunter first and your nationality or eace second. Actually Jem doesnt mention race but he says this while talking about being half Chinese so it's kinda relevant. Shadowhunters rarely tall about race throughout the books in general except for a few instances. When Jessamine criticizes Jem to Tessa, she calls him a foreigner and says some other racist shit that I can't really remember. Something about the yin fin and calling him lazy. That directly contradicts Jem's statement about them all being shadowhunters first. Also Will and Jem actually constantly talk about being Welsh and Chinese in the books so that statement is kinda bogus in general.

And if CC didn't want her mains being sexist or homophobic to show them as good people then why was it ok for both Jesse and Gabriel to say questionable shit about Jem? Anyways moving on to TLH. Sexism is still running rampid with their cultural customs and people being shitty about Charlotte being consul. Bots have to ask the girls to dance, girls cannot have sex before marriage or else they will be ruined or whatever you know the drill. But again, they let the girls fight. Cordelia is allowed to carry around a giant ass sword but she can't get some????

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE CASSANDRA!!!!!

Sorry I'm losing it. Anyways. Regarding racism. Alastair and Cordelia have experienced micro aggressions from the mains (Matthew and Anna) but it's never addressed. I'm pretty sure if memory serves, the inquisitor makes a nasty comment under his breath about persians when the Carstairs family sans Elias arrive. And then we have the whitewashing of Ariadne/Kamala by her parents.

But none of this stuff ever gets brought up really. Exceot for Kamala talking about her past and who she was before and sharing her original name, but she still doesn't talk about how it effects her potential coming out. Alastair doesnt mention race when he talks about the bullying he went through at the academy and none of the white characters ever stop to think about how Kamala and Alastsir's races play a part in their crappy situations.

There's probably more I could discuss with this but I'm moving on to homophobia. It's a thing in terms of the heteronormativity and people's judgement of Anna but it's not illegal like in mundane societies at this time. But all of the mains are totally cool with it which brings me to, I'm sorry but fucking bullshit! There is no way every single adult would be totally fine with it in this time period. Like I'm not saying outright homophobia but maybe some questionable comments you know? (CC is perpetuating this idea that good people never commit microaggressions which is untrue and harmful.)

I don't think there's any mention of whether or not gay marriage is allowed in the shadowhunter world at this point. Because the issues surrounding Magnus and Alec getting married were about Magnus being a warlock right? Because Helen and Aline got married before them in TFTSA because she was only half fae. So that brings me to when was gay marriage legalized in the shadow world?????

Is there any mention of this because I don't think there is? Anyways moving onto TMI. This is where everything goes to absolute shit in terms of world building with the standards for these things. Misogyny isn't really a problem in tmi anymore from what I remember. Nobody has issues with Jia as consul (from what I remember,) and that's that. But homophobia is still rambid throughout shadowhunter society so much so that Alec is terrified to come out because he believes that he can't be gay and be a shadowhunter in peoples eyes. Also there is pressure to "carry on the family name" which doesn't make sense because if the sexism has died out then women can have babies with whoever and not even be married and carry on their family line. And not everyone needs to have children, ergo there is less pressure on the sons to carry on the family name or whatever. This also doesn't make sense because homophobia literally cannot exist without sexism!!!!

This is because of colonial gender roles being forced on society. And men being with men and women being with woman totally smashes the whole gender roles, "woman do this and men do that" idea. There's more that I could say on that but this is already so freaking long so please just look it up. And speaking of gender roles it's literally mentioned that Maryse didn't teach Izzy to cook because she didn't want her to be forced into a housewife role like she was (although there's no evidence to suggest she was?) But then Maryse is lowkey homophobic?

It doesn't make sense Cassandra!!!!!

CC doesn't get that you literally don't have homophobia or transphobia without sexism. Indigenous societies pre-colonization didn't care about any of that stuff. Literally two spirit people were revered and respected and no one gave a fuck about gender until my ancestors literally came along and ruined everything. (I'm so sorry.)

But anyways there's no mentions of racism amongst the shadowhunters in tmi. Just Maia talking about her experiences with mundane society as a black girl. When Clary confronts Valentine and basically calls him a n*zi, he laughs at her and basically says that shadowhunters don't see race the way mundanes do which yikes @ CC. Granted this was 2007. This kind of sounds like what Jem said in TID. Only it clearly wasnt true.

Anyways I'm just super confused at this point. In TDA there was basically nothing in terms of all the isms and phobias. (Oh we arent even discussing ableism because my fucking head will explode!) But we do discuss transphobia a bit with Diana. But again it doesn't make fucking sense because transphobia exists because of sexism and clear gender roles (and homophobia.)

Society is still shown to be pretty heteronormative though which I guess makes sense but the Blackthorns have multiple queers in their family! You would think that they would be less so. When Livvy mentions all the reasons that Annabel could have a forbidden love she doesnt even think to mention that it could be a lesbian relationship. When Mark finds out that Jaime was in Dru's room he freaks out but I guarentee you, he wouldn't have if Jaime was a girl. I mean you could argue that it's an age thing and not a gender thing but idk. That scene always bothered the fuck out of me. Because Mark is literally half fae like why is he caught up on bullshit "boys and girls can't just be friends" hetero bullshit.

In QOAAD we see Dane Larksoear being sexist so randomly for no reason. Like it's so strange because CC literally created a caricature of a sexist villian with him. And it makes no sense because no one else seems to feel the way he does. Like Zara is basically the leader of the cohort right? And nobody gives a fuck. It makes no damn sense Cassandra!

And finally, why is the faerie world sexist with gender roles WHEN EVERYONE IS LITERALLY BISEXUAL AND THEY'RE FAERIES CASSANDRA!!!???? THEY'RE LITERALLY FAERIES WHY IS THERE A CONCEPT OF GENDER AT ALL CASSANDRA????!!!!

Ok lol now I'm done. Sorry this is so long. But yeah I'm so confused.

Tldr: CC's world building in regards to sexism, homophobia, racism and transphobia is very inconsistent and contradictory and it makes no damn sense.

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #tlh #twp #the wicked powers #the last hours #tmi #tid #tw mentions of transphobia #tw mentions of racism #tw mentions of homophobia #tw mentions of sexism #anti cc #long post

[insomniac-arrest]

how NOT to do a tournament arc

It’s kind of sad, I really enjoyed the first book in the “Darker Shade of Magic” series by VE Schwab, I even rated it 4 stars on my Goodreads! People told me that the second book, A Gathering of Shadows, was even better and I was pretty excited.

However, I cannot get myself to finish the last 80 pages or so. I am really close to the end, but I just Do Not Care. I have stopped caring about these characters or what happens to them. I think the main problem is that I actually really love “tournament arcs,” they are literally always my favorite arcs in Shonen manga.

the tournament arc in the Naruto series?? life-changing. the tournament arc in My Hero Academia? literally the only full arc I’ve seen of that show. The tournament arc in Yu Yu Hakusho? so much fun. even outside of manga, the second Hunger Games book is my favorite of the three because I think the arena/game itself is really interesting and I’m a shallow bitch.

Lee vs Gaara?? 😩👌

I think it’s this love of the trope that kind of ruined the book for me because Schwab fundamentally mishandles why audiences care about our heroes joining or winning these things. *SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I literally hated the reason for every single character joining the tournament. Not only are most of them way too OP to be joining this tournament (it’s like the reverse underdog trope and I hate it), but the reasons they join are generally weak and actively make me want them to lose.

Why does Naruto do the tournament arc? He wants to go up in the ninja hierarchy and it’s a stepping stone to his overall goal of becoming a hokage. And, as always, he’s trying to prove his self worth as a person by punching people real good. He is an underdog and seeing him win is thus satisfying. You want him to win for practical, emotional, and cathartic reasons. It’s not that complex.

None of the heroes in A Gathering of Shadows want to join the tournament for practical reasons and seeing them win achieves no catharsis. They do have emotional reasons for joining it, but their emotional reasons actively make me want to bully them. Let’s get into it.

Lila wants to join the tournament to test her magic and also run away from her cool pirate life she always wanted because of Issues I guess. I found her reasons for joining the most acceptable of the 3, but also frankly vague and boring. She kind of just has this sense she has to join. The thing that really got me is how she goes out of her way to kidnap and replace this rando in the competition.

She is technically an underdog here, but having guessed by this point she is a *SPOILERS* Antari, I already know she is super powerful and is way too magically gifted for being in this normal-people magic Olympics. I don’t watch Haikyuu for the tall people dunking on other teams! I watch it for the short king overcoming height-ism! Your stories about genetically superior magic people suck!!

If she had like, an actually compelling reason to insert herself into the competition-- such as being in poverty and needing prize money or seeking revenge or political sabotage or wanting to win the heart of a girl, I might be more forgiving. But the fact she just kinda wants to . . test herself, and fucks up someone else’s life to do that, just made me angry. I get that’s she’s a spunky, wild-card, the author describes her as a “self-serving badass,” but she was just so weakly motivated that the self-serving part made me root against her. She’s out there messing with someone’s entire profession just to “test her abilities.” This is some villainy shit.

This and the fact her “not-like-other-girls” fuckery was all over the place in this book (one of her love interests literally says “you’re not like other girls”) rubbed me the wrong way.*

*Note: the first book also had this problem too, but I was kind of willing to forgive it bc I was interested in the magic stuff going on. But Schwab did NOT course correct and I had to have this whole do-I-dislike-Lila-bc-of-internalized-misogyny debate with myself. Luckily, I discovered that the only character I really liked in this book was Rhy regardless of gender.

Alucard is also there. I don’t clearly remember his motivation for joining, but he is already wealthy and has status and allies and doesn’t really need to join this tournament so I also did not particularly care if he won or lost. He’s also just, very pompous. Which, yeah, made him likable enough, but again, pompous characters in tournament arcs are not the ones you’re rooting for. That’s not why you watch.

Finally, Kell, king of the Over Powered angst trope, wants to join the tournament because he dreams of violence. He wants to fight other people. He has some bloodlust which he feels real bad about, but also damn does he want to use his magic powers to punch people. Like, dummies and training are not enough, it has to be real flesh and blood people to pummel.

I can’t emphasize how thoroughly this turned me off. Characters who join tournaments literally just for the purpose of smacking other people around are villains in these type of stories. They aren’t doing it for the prize or redemption or self-worth shit or love. And I wanted Kell to lose so bad!! I wanted him to get water-slapped across the stage! Not only was he way too overpowered in this tournament for me to care, but the reasons he’s in the tournament actively pissed me off. You want to find freedom in violence Kell? :( absolutely not.

And like, he does lose, but it’s only because he lets Lila win. No struggle. No gay little speeches. No random heartfelt trauma reveal or character development.

I hate it here.

Naturally, a western book does not have to follow random anime tropes, but shouldn’t readers be a bit invested in this staging since it takes up a large part of the book?

None of these characters are in the tournament for interesting reasons that make me want to root for them. Some characters who I was neutral on to begin with, literally made that Sims relationship thing pop up above my head when I read this

I know what you’re thinking: But Insomniac! The book isn’t about the tournament! It’s just the set-dressing! You must have noticed, the tournament fight scenes were really brief and boring. The main conflict is between the real villain and the main characters.

And I’m like . . . then why were the magic olympics there? Also, the fact all these characters were joining this important sports event for shallow reasons really did a number on my perception of them. None of them even want to be Hokage. This is ridiculous.

Anyway, as a side note I was interested in the Rhy/Alucard interaction, but I’ll probably never finish this book so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#IA talks #IA reads #am reading #a darker shade of magic #a gathering of shadows #ve shwab #here are my thoughts you must all suffer through #long post cw #lol

[aaronhart93]

incompleted discord thread featuring: Aaron & @river--holloway

When: march 2021

Mentions: @sxojun

Triggers: none

Description: river visits aaron at work and they catch up 

Aaron.BOT — 03/28/2021

Aaron was hunched over his large desk at Club Delilah, trying to focus on this paperwork that was long overdue. Ever since getting back from Milan, he couldn’t seem to get on top of all of his paperwork. He’d been pulled later nights just get things for the day done. He knew he needed to delegate more, but his father always told him that if he wanted something done right, then Aaron had to do it himself. Even to this day, Aaron couldn’t get his dad’s voice out of his head in everything he did - the way he parented, how he worked, his dad seemed to be whispering to him about his relationship too. He knew he was disapprove, but Aaron was successful. He knew that’s what his father would care about the most. Aaron’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard a knock at the door. “There’s someone here to see you.” His assistant told him. @Nix | Dorian & River & Amani

RiverBOT — 03/28/2021

River hadn’t seen or spoken to Aaron in quite some time and, truth be told, the professor missed his friend. Did their history make things somewhat complicated? Admittedly, yes. But, at the core of it all, the two were friends. And River preferred to keep it that way. He didn’t have many people that he considered his friends, after all. Arriving at Club Delilah and asking for Aaron, he waited to be allowed entrance into his office. When access had been granted, he stepped into the office and smiled politely at the younger male. Immediately, though, he could sense a disturbance within his friend that caused the corners of his mouth to droop slightly into a frown. “Hello, Aaron. Are you alright? I hope I didn’t come at a bad time.” @em || 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 & 𝐒𝐤𝐲 & 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

Aaron.BOT — 03/28/2021

It had been a minute since he’d seen River. In fact, if Aaron recalled correctly, the last time he actually say River was when they were fucking. He’d actually spoken with Seojun about his relationship with his former professor. Aaron was cool with it, of course. He’d had a relationship that was more than a friendship with both of them in the past, but Aaron was happy in his relationship right now. Besides, both River and Seojun were great guys. He was happy they’d found each other. “River…no.” He set his pen off to the side to give the older male his full attention. “How are you? Thanks for stopping by.” He smiled. @Nix | Dorian & River & Amani

RiverBOT — 03/28/2021

It was true that the last time that he and Aaron had seen each other, it had been in a much different context. With that in mind, the professor could admit that there was some slight awkwardness. But, overall, he was glad to see Aaron. The older male cared a lot about the businessman and considered him a good friend, despite the fact that their relationship had been more than platonic for quite some time. Not to mention they were both in relationships now, River’s in particular being one that he knew Seojun had recently made Aaron aware of. “I’m well, thank you. How are you?” River asked, taking a seat across from the other male. @em || 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 & 𝐒𝐤𝐲 & 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

Aaron.BOT — 03/28/2021

The small talk felt a little strange. Even though he genuinely cared about how River was doing, he could feel the elephant in the room. Aaron had a relationship with both Seojun and River that he wouldn’t exactly called platonic or casual. He had been friends with Jun for quite some time and there was always something…else there that Aaron couldn’t quite explain. And River was one of the most exciting flings he’d ever had in his life. Thinking about it made him excited even now. “I’m well. Des is in the talent show at school so she’s getting ready for that. How’s your kid? And, erhm….how are you and Seojun? I’ll admit I was a little surprised when I heard the news.” He confessed to the other male, a small smile on his face. @Nix | Dorian & River & Amani

RiverBOT — 03/28/2021

The interaction did feel strange. It was so much different than all the other times they’d interacted. He nodded his head, smiling as Aaron informed him of his daughter’s upcoming talent show. Sometimes, he forgot that Aaron was also a father because it wasn’t something they talked about often. He loved that they were both girl dads, though. “Oh, how lovely. What’s her talent? I’m sure she’s going to do a wonderful job at whatever it is,” He told him. “Haven is well. She’s coming home for Easter break on the 29th and then her sixteenth birthday is on April 2nd. I’m planning a nice sweet sixteen birthday party for her.” At the mention of Seojun, River chuckled a bit nervously. He supposed he should’ve figured that he would come up somehow. “We’re great. Were you? I didn’t know that you two were friends until he told me.” @em || 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 & 𝐒𝐤𝐲 & 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬March 29, 2021

Aaron.BOT — 03/29/2021

"She's a woman of many talents." He joked, chuckling to himself softly. "She's singing and dancing. I think that's where she's meant to be actually. Got her talents from her mom that's for sure." He smiled because there was never a time that thinking about his daughter's relationship with her mother didn't want him smiling. He missed her, he really did. "I don't even want to think about Des turning 16. Damn, that's something I just don't ever want to have to do. Be a dad to a teenage girl. You're going to have to give me some pointers." He gave the older male a tiny smirk. It was a bit flirtatious, but he was also being genuine. Haven was a great kid, so River must have been doing something right there. "I was." Aaron nodded, pressing his lips together. "We go way back. You guys seem happy though. So I'm happy for you." He told his former lover. @Nix | Dorian & River & Amani

RiverBOT — 03/29/2021

The professor listened fondly as Aaron gushed about his daughter. He could relate. His own daughter was undoubtedly his favorite person on Earth and he could go on and on about her for days on end if given the opportunity. “That’s fantastic. I’m sure she did inherit those gifts from her mother. And did she inherit your intelligence and wit as well?” He chuckled as Aaron talked about fearing the day that Des turned sixteen. “I can hardly believe that I’m going to have a sixteen year old myself. I’m blessed though, Haven is an angel. She’s never given me the typical teenage rebellion. We’ve always had very open dialogue, so she has no trouble expressing her feelings to me in a healthy manner. I do have to worry about boys though, on occasion. I mean, naturally. She’s a beautiful young lady.” He smirked back at the businessman, not missing the slight flirtatiousness of Aaron’s comment. “You’ve got a ways to go before then, but I’ll give you pointers when the time comes.” River nodded as Aaron gave a brief explanation of his and Seojun’s history. “I see. He did mention that you’re his best friend. Well, thank you. We are happy.” @em || 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 & 𝐒𝐤𝐲 & 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬March 30, 2021

Aaron.BOT — 03/30/2021

Aaron smirked over at the professor because of course Des had inherited Aaron's intelligence and wit. The kid was one of the wittiest and sassiest people he knew...including the adults. Of course she got it all from him. And now that she was living with Roman and Quentin too - she was even picking up some of their isms as well. Aaron was luck that his kid wasn't super weird considering all of the different adults she had in her life. "She got that all from me. Her good looks too." His smirk grew, then he started listening to River. "You know...Lan and I have always told each other that we were going to make sure Elle and Des got married. Like parent trapping them...but like...with our kids." He joked, knowing that idea was really twisted and wrong. But he and Landon still hoped for it anyway. It wasn't like he was going to force his kid to be with Elle or anything, and of course he wanted Des to do whatever made her happy, but the thought was still nice. "You know...I thought I had a long time until Des turned 6, and now here i am. I swear I'm going to blink and she'll be 16." He ran his hand through his hair because the idea of his kid getting old almost stressed him out. "Has Haven met Jun yet?" he asked, curiously. @Nix | Dorian & River & AmaniApril 4, 2021

RiverBOT — 04/04/2021

River laughed softly, shaking his head playfully. Something the professor had always admired about Aaron was his confidence. Sure, he’d been set up for success due to the family he’d been born in; but, without that charisma of his, he wouldn’t have that same flair and his businesses probably wouldn’t be quite as successful. He grinned as Aaron confessed to him and Landon fantasizing about their daughters ending up together. When Haven was born, he didn’t have any other friends with kids; and, now that he’s older, the other parents he knows still have much younger children than his. Sometimes, he can’t help but wish that he had more people in his life that he could closely relate with. That didn’t change the fact that he was very grateful for the friends like Aaron and Quentin that he does have. “I wish I could comfort you and say that’s not how it is, but that’s exactly how it goes. Children grow up so quickly. That’s why it’s so important to cherish every singular moment you have with them.” He shook his head at Aaron’s question. “Not yet. But she’ll meet him when she comes home Monday. They’ve spoken over the phone though.” @em || 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 & 𝐒𝐤𝐲 & 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬April 6, 2021

Aaron.BOT — 04/06/2021

No matter how old he got, he still valued that knowledge that River gave him. Even though this wasn't in a classroom setting, Aaron always found River so sexy because of how intelligent he was. He loved just looking at the man when he was delivering any type of information. Even if it was about how fast his daughter was going to grow up and leave him - at least the person who was delivering this terrible news was some excellent eye and ear candy. "C'mon, man. Don't get me all emotional in the middle of the day like that. I have a meeting later." He laughed, but he almost did feel himself getting a little upset at the thought of Des getting older. "Oh..well...I'm sure she won't like him as much as she liked me." He joked and even added a small cackle, though he wasn't sure if that was exactly a funny joke. @Nix | Dorian & River & Amani

#discord #river

[gayregis]

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier. 

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

#angouleme #regis #the witcher #sorry for longpost.........

[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Thread II Malakhai & Ella

Discord thread featuring: Khai & @ella-isms

Mentions:

Where: Ella’s Penthouse.

When: Thursday June 11th 2020

Description:  Khai goes to the Penthouse he once shared with Ella and they get reacquainted.

Trigger Warnings: Smut

❦. єℓℓα .❦

To say that she was waiting with bated breath wasn’t even an exaggeration. Ella hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind since the other night and because she literally couldn’t wait any longer, she had to text him. Part of her knew that she probably shouldn’t, she should just let him be, move on. But she couldn’t. Ella has the tendency to be selfish and when she wants something she’ll stop at nothing until she gets it. When it comes to Khai she usually knows how to get her way, it’s why she’d dressed in the barely there pink bra and panty set before she even sent the text. It didn’t take much convincing to get him on his way and she was glad about that. The blonde was grinning at her phone when he agreed, she wanted him all to herself even if all he could give her was a couple of days. Hearing him knock on the door after he eventually arrived, Ella opened the door and immediately ushered him inside, closing the door behind him when romeo approached happily, stealing her greeting time. “Guess we both miss you,” she took the bag off of his shoulder.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

Khai knew it probably wasn’t the best idea for him to spend the weekend with Ella. But, all rational thoughts went out the window when she told him that he was carved into a part of her brain. It made him feel wanted and desired, and god he needed that so bad right now. Even with her turning down his proposal and breaking his heart, none of that mattered. He still loved her, and he was pretty sure she knew that. He made his way to the penthouse they both once shared, and he could feel his heart begin to race. So many memories came flooding back so fast he could barely contain his emotions. Especially since he had been recently sober and his emotions were still raw and all over the place. He knocked on the door and smiled when he heard Romeo barking. His smile only growing wider when Ella opened the door wearing a barely there pink bra and panty set. “Damn, you look sexy” he complimented. Placing his hand on the side of her neck and leaning in to kiss her cheek. Lips just barely brushing the corner of her mouth before he was bending down to pet Romeo. “I missed him too. How’ve you been boy” laughed. Watching Romeo run in happy circles before taking off back into the penthouse. Khai stood back up and placed his hand on Ellas’s waist. Pulling her closer to him. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since we bumped into each other at Throuple” he admitted. Not giving her much time to respond before he was pressing his lips to hers in a fervent kiss.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

Clearly Ella was surrounded by reminders of him and of everything that they had together. Constant reminders of what a terrible partner she had been and how much she hurt him. It hurt her too, he’d caught her off guard with a proposal and she freaked out. She was scared and rather than facing fear head on she pushed him even further away. The fact that there was a place for him carved out in her brain was entirely true, there was a place carved out in her heart, as well. A smile played on her lips when she opened the door, she was genuinely happy to see him. “All for you,” she reminded him. Her breath was held briefly as he leaned in, there was no doubt that every nerve in her body was pushing with anticipation. “Tease,” the blonde pouted, even though she knew it was only fair to the dog that he get a bit of attention too. Ella, however, was horrible at sharing attention. She was learning, or trying to, kind of, though she usually failed miserably. “I’ve been wanting the same thing,” she admitted with a nod. Her lips responded to his instantly and as her hands rested on either side of his face, she tilted her head to add more depth to the heated kiss, her tongue immediately snaking it’s way into his mouth to find his own. She was hungrily devouring the taste of him that she missed.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

It was no secret that Khai liked to bury all his stress and aggression into love making, and if Ella was like anyone else in Kingsboro. She had a pretty good idea of all the tension he had been under recently. It definitely didn’t help that he hadn’t been with anyone intimately since his accident. Except for Roman, which probably wasn’t the best idea at the time. That didn’t matter though, he was just as addicted to Roman as he had been to the drugs before him. He let his hands slide down Ella’s sides to rest just beneath her ass and lifted her up as if she weighed nothing. Her legs wrapping around his waist in the familiar way they always had. “Am I a tease now?” he asked. Immediately connecting their lips once more as his tongue battled with hers for dominance. He carried her to the bedroom, his memory guiding him through the area. Before laying her on to the bed and kneeling over her to remove his shirt. Once his shirt was tossed to the side, he pulled himself over her and began to kiss and bite at her neck. His ribs were still a bit bruised but he didn’t care. He always got off on pain mixed with pleasure anyway. He wanted her, and he was pretty sure she wanted him too. That was all that mattered.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

To the same point Ella could just let herself go during sex, it would clear her mind and rid her of any stress that might be buried there. She wouldn’t consider any physical sexual act she participated in lately as making love, that hadn’t happened in quite some time because that would mean feelings were involved and that hadn’t been the case. At least not for her lately. This would be different, it always was with Malakhai, there would always be feelings involved. Feelings she hid from most other people. she was toeing a dangerous line and she knew that but that didn’t stop her from diving in head first. As her legs wrapped around him, her hands tangled themselves in the back of his hair, “I don’t think you will be for long,” she explained with a grin. She didn’t think that either one of them would be able to hold out too long in order to get away with teasing. At least not for the first round, there was far too much eagerness between them. As soon as her back hit the bed she was pulling him down with her and while he removed his shirt, her hands were already at work pushing down his pants, she wanted to feel his skin against her skin, she needed it. Her fingertips traced over the bruises as they were revealed but soon enough her hand traveled down his side and over his abdomen, sliding down past the waistband of his boxers to palm his length, her thumb moving down to tease the tip, her eagerness was apparent she knew that much and she wasn’t attempting to hide it, “I’m so fucking glad you’re here,” she breathed out a moan leaving her lips as his tongue hit a familiar sweet spot on her neck.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

Just being in the familiarity and comfort of her arms again made him feel as if nothing else mattered. He missed her so much. The way she moved, the taste of her lips, the feel of her touch. It was all almost enough to leave him feeling completely intoxicated. She removed his pants and let fingertips trail down his body. Gliding slowly over his bruises and stopping once his length was cupped beneath her hand. “Fuck” he breathed out in a yearning whisper. Her touch felt so good and he was becoming more and more erect with each sound escaping her lips. He moved his kisses down her chest and let his hand navigate to her back to unhook her bra. Almost instantly taking one of her breast into his hand and sucking her nipple between his lips. He gave it a teasing nibble before kissing down her belly. Pulling  her panties off and placing a few love bites along her inner thigh before tasting her wetness upon his lips. “Mmm you’re so sweet” he hummed. Looking up at her from between her legs as his hands continued to caress her breast.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

It was easier than she ever could have expected to fall into this familiar routine with him. Yes, Ella sometimes liked adventure and the thrill of something totally new, but that seemed dull in comparison to the high she was feeling off of the pure comfort of being with someone who knew her better than anyone else ever had. They knew how to read each other’s bodies without giving it a second thought. Her free hand worked on pushing his pants and boxers down the rest of the way, letting her feet kick them off once they reached his ankles. Her other hand would pump his member reveling in the feeling of him growing beneath her touch. Feeling his mouth on her flesh had her heart racing already, her teeth sunk into her lower lip as she tried to stifle a gasp. The gasp was released as her breath hitched in her throat feeling his mouth on her core, “I need you,” she breathed out, lifting her head to look down at him.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

All Ella had to do was tell him she needed him and he was quick to oblige. Crawling his way back up her body to reconnect their lips as he aligned his length with her opening. The heat coming off of their eager bodies pulled on him like a magnet as he pushed himself deep into her core. Thrusting into her deep and slow at first as he moved his hand to grip her face just below her chin. “Tell me you missed me” he demanded. Although it came out more as a plea. His other hand lacing through hers as he pushed the back of her hand into the pillow above her head. She was everything he needed at the moment and he body felt so good pressed against his. Even with the pain shooting through his body with each increased  thrust. It felt euphoric to be intertwined with her again.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

Her legs were already opening for him as he moved back up her body, a moan escaping her lips as he entered her and one of her legs moved to wrap around his waist pushing him in even further. “I missed you,” she murmured against his mouth, her teeth tugging on his bottom lip, “I miss you,” Ella repeated as her hips moved up to meet his thrusts. Her fingers of one hand laced with his and her other hand draped over his shoulder. While her hips rolled up against his her nails dragged along his back. Soon enough she let her lips catch his again, her moans muffled against his mouth while her tongue mingled with his, she already couldn’t get enough of him.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

Hearing the words he so desperately needed to hear from her, made him sink into her even further. Like fire melting on ice he could feel himself evaporate into her skin. He kissed her back ravenously, letting her consume his lips with each and every moan echoing against his mouth. It was like he couldn’t get deep enough into her, as his body shook with intense need. He began to thrust harder, ramming himself into her core as he began fucking her with more vehemence. Biting and kissing at her lips and jawline as his hand tightened around her neck “fuck... you feel so good” he growled. Trying to hold back just a bit as he picked up speed in the rotation of his hips.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

With him moving deeper within her, it was as if they were melding into each other. Every thrust was like an electric shock being sent through her body, all of her nerve endings standing at attention as they fired off in pleasure. The blonde moaned out his name as his pace increased, her eyes were hazy and hooded with lust as she gazed up at him. Her nails dug further into his shoulder as her back arched up against him taking him in as deep as possible. “You’re incredible, I’m so close,” she muttered, her mouth over his ear before her teeth pulled at the lobe, “fuck...” her head was falling back into the pillow, her body already beginning to near it’s release, he was already making her become undone.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

Khai could feel Ella’s walls tighten around his girth as she neared her orgasm. But this didn’t slow him down at all. He continued to pound into her, pushing his way as deep as he could into her g-spot. Giving her exactly what he body was aching for. “Oh yeah, I want you to cum for me love” he moaned through hard breaths. His own release building inside of him as he squeezed her neck tighter. Just barely cutting off her air supply. He kissed her mouth hard, biting and sucking at her lips as his entire body tightened. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum” he growled again with pleasure. His muscles practically pulsating with concupiscence.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

Both of her legs found themselves winding tightly around his waist to insure that he was as far inside of her as physically possible. His panting caused her heart rate to naturally increase and her hand that was resting on his shoulder latched onto the back of his hair giving it a firm tug as her entire body tensed up, “cum with me,” the blonde moaned before eventually letting go as she rode out her orgasm. Her body shook against his own as she came and then soon enough she was nearly limp as she attempted to catch her breath.

ღ мαℓαкнαι ღ

Cumming with her was unlike anything he had remembered. It was different and intimate, and he could barely keep himself from collapsing on top of her. He kisses her lips slowly and softly, savoring the feeling of them. Unlacing their hands and letting his fingers stroke through her hair as he fought to catch his breath. “You....” he breathed out. A wide smile spread across his face with satisfaction. “I missed you so much” he continued. Kissing her once more before cradling his head into the crook of her neck and placing soft kisses to her shoulder.

❦. єℓℓα .❦

Using the word euphoric to describe their intimate encounter may have seemed like an exaggeration, but it was perhaps the most accurate. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to keep him close and buried inside of her, she had zero desire to untangle herself from him just yet. She wanted to bask in the afterglow, her hands moved to cup his face, her thumbs brushing over his cheeks as her eyes took in his features while they both panted breathlessly, this was a moment she wanted etched into her memory. Leaning in she pressed a kiss to each corner of his mouth as his smile grew, “i missed you too,” the blonde agreed returning the kiss. Both of her arms looked around his neck as he buried his head into her shoulder, her fingertips traced lightly up and down his back “nobody knows me like you do,” she whispered. And she wasn’t sure anyone else ever would. If she could freeze time and relish in this moment for as long as possible, she would do it in an instant. “I’m glad you came over,” a giggle escaped her lips as her brain power was starting to come back as her heart rate began to slow down.

#chats:ella #chats:discord #ft.ella

[amvlett-aa]

bUCKLE UP FUCKERS I THINK I’VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT A PROPER WAY TO FIX THE NARRATIVE THAT IS HEX’S ENTIRE ARC 

and to a lesser extent gwen’s owo

after several fucking years 

this gets really fucking long even for me 

Since this is all on this blog now and tumblr deleted a lot of shit I’ll break down my imagined arc for him really fast from os- to the beginning of ov especially cuz some of my followers deb haven’t seen ben 10 past the original series so here we go

i just really want all my concepts in one place so this might get a lil long ahhhh

Hex and Charmcaster used to live in ledgerdomain, Adwaita the turtle bitch with a flaming mana head attacks and Charmcaster’s dad and Hex’s bro is all like I’m gonna protect my fam so he sends Hex with a nine year old charmcaster to Earth and 

spoiler alert 

spellbinder fucking dies 

Hex is torn by this and spends the next several years of his life trying to find the power to defeat Adwaita, and even made a few failed attempts but survived Adwaita’s wrath. He eventually started to dive headfirst into some dark magic and it completely corrupts and changes him to the hex we see today, with grey skin and a giant ass tat on his face, don’t get me started on his eyes and his million other tattoos 

He runs into ben on his quest with power, ben, gwen and granpa max ruin his day a fuck ton and then charmcaster gets involved. Hex was not a good caretaker to her and as her vengance and rise to master magician...ism she betrays hex and yeets on out despite getting fucked again by the amazing tennysons 

The two have a heart to heart and live together again before Charmcaster and Gwen go fuck up Adwaita in the arc i can’t quite remember other than INFINITY BULLSHIT SOMETHING SOMETHING EVIL BAD GUY WHO KEEPS CHANGING INTO DIFFERENT FORMS SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIEN X 

Gwen chooses not to tell hex about his neice and he spends a lot of time failing to find her and falls into a depression for what I think was for at least a year before he discovers Friedkin University and it’s giant library, and it’s secret summoning circle 

so he does whatever he can to get a job there and gain full access to the library, which includes donating his entire collection of rare magical books to the library and he nails a job as a professor 

i yada yada’d over a lot of stuff and i feel bad but this is where we get into the nitty gritty so if you just wanted my summary then leave no w 

So instead of the episode starting with Hex and Gwen already knowing who the other is and it gets weird, we could have Gwen joining this professor’s class because she heard from a lot of people that his class was good and he knew a lot about his topic and of course Gwen being an Anodite/magic caster herself she enrolls in the class, with Hex using a fake last name like Castere 

i can’t remember what it used to be i’m sorry 

and the minute Gwen sits down to see the class  here come in hex and she is fucking shocked 

and hex probably saw the student list and he is looking hella smug knowing that she’s somewhere in his classroom 

and when he starts asking questions of course gwen answers and answers correctly  and tension builds in the room as they back and forth with his increasingly difficult questions and Gwen answering them perfectly, and the two are staring each other down 

and when hex asks his final question Charmcaster of all people is in his class and interrupts gwen and answers it 

and it throws the both of them off guard 

Hex has to pretend she’s a student and does the whole “Ah yes our Charming young student is correct” 

they go through that dialogue about the Staff of ages and Hex finishes class early, disappearing in a cloud of smoke  Gwen tries to chase down charmcaster but not yelling through the entire classroom to do it 

gwen in her secret lair with kevin use spells to check for... spells or mind control and find none yet are suspicious of the fact that both Charmcaster and Hex are there so 

they call ben and rook and the next few parts ensue 

the thing with helena sucks and i hate helena 

hex runs off and bumps into the team where he gets slammed into the nearest tree by a fucking alien turkey and he gets interrogated 

hex manages to talk his way out of Ben’s hold by saying he hasn’t done anything wrong and has no reason to detain him and of course hex is right because he’s done his time and has every right to be here 

he gets interrogated anyway and is asked about charmcaster and they go through the dialogue over charmcaster that hex goes hey i don’t know why she’s here but i’m glad she’s alive which the former he’s totally lying about 

Rook tells him about how she’s unstable yada yada yada hex leaves and they debate whether Hex is actually turning good or not and where their priorities should lie and they decide charmcaster because as they have no fucking clue where she is and what she’s doing 

we get to the honestly really good next few minutes of dialogue between hex and charmcaster

like the last bit of good writing before we see hex get turned into a fucking totem so she can use his library to find the staff 

gwen drop kicks charmcaster and a fight ensues, where she discovers charmcaster turned hex into a totem and gwen, being the hero she is, tries to steal hex back with her

does she trust him? No 

but he does he deserve to be turned into a totem to be used for whatever plan charmcaster has for him? also no 

they mange to kick charmaster out through the library but charmcaster manages to grab the totem from gwen before she gets sucked away into where ever Gwen sent her to 

and at least then GWEN GETTING THE FUCKING LIBRARY WOULD AT LEAST MAKE MORE SENSE I MEAN COME ON but instead of it being her responsibility to the library its her responsibility to try and get it back to its original owner where she is starting to think maybe he was actually trying to become a good person  

three??? several??? a lot of months pass and hex spends a lot of time with Darkstar the bitch and Adwaita the jackass 

we can all assume hex tried to strangle adwaita at least once without success 

ANYWAY 

we start the ep with kevin moping about his magic stolen car that i forgot to mention but its not important and gwen is spending her time in the beginning of the ep researching how to get hex back because he deserves to be free man 

ANYWAY THAT GOT MESSY  GWEN LOOKS FOR THE CAR, FINDS IT AND OH NOOOO IT’S A FUCKING TRAP AND SHE GETS TURNED INTO A TOTEM AND ZIP BAG TIME 

where she encounters all her enemies and at least she has more reason to try and zap hex because well he still might be evil and he is way too damn close and oh nope we got no powers 

shenanigans ensue and while in the bag  hex and gwen get to talking because honestly are either one of them going to talk to darkstar or adwatia and she soon gets to learn about Hex’s real motives behind going to Freidkin and then finally they decide, hey maybe if we work together we can get out 

and they come up with the idea of a trap when charmcaster sticks her hand in the bag to get the charm 

and THEY WORK TOGETHER TO GET OUT OF THE BAG 

bonding ensues and it begins the start of a uh 

teacher student relationship???  at least not evil magic man vs smart kickass anodite girl 

is all of this perfect???? probably not but  its better than what the show gave us hopefully 

also we don’t talk about that one weird romance ep with ben other than hex and charmcaster were literally 10 feet away from each other and should at least have gotten a drama shot between them but whatever who am I to judge the writing of omniverse other than the entire essay i wrote here 

#long post #oh boy this is a doosy #save #lee attempts to rewrite omniverse at 2 in the morning #this is one giant word vomit i'm sorry for anyone who decides to read this

[everydayanth]

The Liam Neeson Thing...

Okay guys, this is gonna get complex and personal right quick. But it’s been bothering me and I’m working on posting more without thinking about it for two weeks until nobody cares anymore.

So here goes.

Context matters. Context is important and it can be complicated, but it freakin’ matters. 

In my opinion, Liam Neeson’s flaw was that he thought a rapist would be the kind of person to also attack him. 

Here’s the thing guys, if you’ve never heard someone you love confess to you that they have been irrevocably hurt by a person, you need to take a step back for a minute. 

That moment, talking about it, it’s extremely vulnerable, so this is a bit hard for me, but in a moment of chaos and torment, a person you love and care deeply for is breaking apart in front of you and there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it. There’s not a damn thing you can do but hold them and cry with them and hurt for them and try to help and figure out the right thing to say. 

And when they’re tucked safe in bed and you’re researching what you can do for them or laying awake thinking about what you could possibly say, the amount of guilt and hurt and anger hits you in the chest, it fills you so wholly that you just need to find a way to let it out. It’s a dangerous rage, it’s immature and unhealthy and so so so painful. 

We don’t talk about emotions in America. We just don’t. So of course we want to put this emotion into a context we discuss, and idea we understand. 

But it’s not an -ism, it’s an emotion. 

If you don’t think when my sister told me about our cousin assaulting her that I didn’t wander around my ghetto ass neighborhood waiting for some big white guy to try to hurt me, well, you’d be wrong. Our brain makes patterns, my cousin didn’t live in our city, but I knew he was a big white guy with a shitty pencil beard, my brain classified that as a pattern. Every time I talked to a big white guy, I had to check myself, yeah. But when my brain registered a human who looked like my cousin, my heart rate ran up and I would will them to attack me. I wanted to fight because I didn’t know what else to do with all that pain, all that helpless emotion. But I could wander around places where someone was bound to get hurt anyway and invite the fight to me. 

Neeson was wandering around areas inviting a fight. INVITING, not instigating. It is a common reaction of revenge and feeling hurt, and we’re shoving this idea into something familiar - outrage, racism, etc., anything so we don’t have to actually talk about emotions. 

He was looking for a “black bastard,” poor choice of words, I agree, but he was hoping that guy, the one who hurt his friend, would challenge him, and it would just happen to be the same guy and he could get his anger out. It’s not healthy, but if they man who hurt his friend had been white and he’d wandered around lower class white neighborhoods inviting a fight, would it have been racism? 

This had an opportunity to be a conversation about what the fuck you do around a friend who confesses they were raped and hurt to you. After all the #MeToo (or in the midst of it), how do you be a friend to your loved ones who feel ready to confess to you? What do you do to manage that amount of disgust you feel at the world, that rage and hate and hurt and horror that there’s not a single damn thing you can do? 

This could have been a conversation about grief and friendship and growth and complex emotions. But we made it about the race of a rapist instead. 

That’s how much we don’t want to talk about feelings. 

We would focus on a man talking for the first time about the anger of helplessness in the face of a friend’s pain and come out in outrage. 

Here’s the reality guys, racism is forming a series of patterns based on skin color that aren’t true. They can be based off stereotypes or influenced by false representation in sensational news. Racism is NOT fighting your brain’s reality in order to form a more balanced understanding of the world. I was assaulted by a bunch of black kids at a playground when I was 14, it was terrifying and it’s a long and complex story but the short of it is very simple: I lived in a black neighborhood and this was not my only experience with black kids. I went to school with middle class black kids and I hung out with other black kids, this was NOT my only experience, and therefore, my brain was capable of nixing the pattern before it was created. Black kids weren’t dangerous, those kids were just assholes. 

Racism is if Neeson went to those places and started fights. I can’t know whether he did or not, but it’s if he went around and accused every black man of being a rapist, in his head or otherwise. I didn’t have a lot of experience with big white guys, so it took me much longer not to feel nervous around them than it did to write off my brain’s pattern about the black kids. Emotions and how our brains work are important details for us to know, and it’s the real reason diversity matters, it keeps our patterns in context. Neeson coming out of the situation horrified at himself shows growth of emotion, the dismissal of the pattern, recognizing that it is false without acting on it, understanding the power of agency is an illusion because he would never find that particular man. 

Comparing this to the policing issues isn’t the same, because of their place in society, their home culture society, and the results of their opinions. A police officer has a responsibility to the public to understand their emotions and their racial biases, an actor is responsible for displaying emotion. We can’t hold these people to the same accountability, that would be ridiculous, for a police officer, emotions need to be stable and understood and should involve a LOT more psychology training. For an actor... they entertain us with their emotions. They need to be self aware and reflective in order to project our experiences in stories. We still expect race car drivers to follow the speed limits and we understand that doctors have to call in sick sometimes, the world isn’t fair and occupation doesn’t dismiss personal biases or professional demeanor, but context matters. A doctor calling in sick after handling small pox in a lab requires observation and questions, an actor talking about rage and looking for a fight when he was younger and confessing horror at that version of himself while promoting a film about revenge kind of seems like part of the job, of doing the job well.  

And it’s not racist because it was not instigated by the color of skin as perceived by an individual to be less or more - he was inviting a fight with a black man on the word of his friend. That was wrong, and so was me doing it with large white men (also because I am not that large of a white woman, so that wasn’t going to end well for me), but he even said in a follow up interview that they could have killed him. The interviewer says she thinks of the innocent black man that could have been killed and Neeson responds “Or he could have killed me.” BUT HE WASN’T INSTIGATING FIGHTS, he was INVITING them! He wasn’t looking for an innocent man, he was waiting for someone to try to hurt him so he could release the extreme emotions. These are different. These are SO different. 

This conversation can go back to what it could have been. Race of the rapist aside, what do you do when a person you love confides in you that they have been hurt and scared and they are breaking apart in front of you? How do you process your emotions and heartbreak? What can you do or say? How can you feel like you’re helping? Is that selfish? Why do we need to feel like we’re helping? How do you manage your own trauma so you don’t loop theirs in with yours? How do you self reflect so that you stop your brain forming false patterns when you’re filled with so much hurt and pain? How do you not become a villain of the world, hating everyone for always telling you you are helpless? How do you find control in yourself when you’re imploding and be responsible and mature with emotions? How do you talk about it in a society that wants to be angry? How do you not hate them for focusing on your reaction to a rapist rather than being angry with an individual for being an asshole and RAPING your friend?

How do we return to a conversation about emotions and how, unchecked, they can lead to pain and anger and rage, and eventually, if we don’t have a moment of clarity and rationality, if we are not balanced in the world, they can become biases that develop into ignorance and racism? How do we focus on context so that we don’t become arrogant and disconnected, classists by nature because we interact with such a small and similar world? How do we connect and talk about the human experience when society turns away from us in favor of what is familiar? How do we have a logical discussion about emotion when we can’t even talk about meaning and intent? How do we accuse someone of racism when, had the rapist been white, the conversation might have focused on the context of emotion and pain and hurt and the process of healing - it was the outraged audience that pointed at the race as important, as the meaningful factor, how do we look at that hypocrisy and not feel utterly defeated?

How do we scream at the world that we need help, we all need help, without crucifying ourselves? I have no idea, this post is terrifying and I have no idea what to expect. Maybe nothing would be good? To return to not a single note or like or comment, to be unheard and dismissed and navigated around might be good because I want to talk about this reality but it. Is. Terrifying. 

And maybe it’s all a projection. Maybe I’m the racist and I want to defend someone I relate to. But it feels more right that we as a society don’t talk about emotions, we lock them up like these secret things we’re terrified other people will discover. I’m working on vulnerability lately, and what better place to talk about all the shit that’s ever happened to me than the freakin’ internet! I’m just a person and from my experiences, I think I understand what Neeson meant. But that could equally be a self-aggrandizing reality that doesn’t exist. Perhaps he’s just a racist, a professional actor with a successful career who took this exact moment to reveal his true colors, what a sneaky man! 

But more probably, the logic says, he’s a professional actor with a successful career who took this moment to discuss the emotions he’s had to reflect on and relive for the past year or so in order to play a role in a film that he hopes will entertain and reflect something of the human experience. He more probably took the moment to discuss a human experience and we did not listen because it’s more popular not to listen or because we could not relate or because we just want to be angry and sometimes pulling weeds is so exhausting we raze the whole garden instead. We did not talk about the moment he was horrified with himself because we don’t want to talk about growth or greys, we want the world to stabilize so we can see the bad guys clearly. 

We really ought to know by now that there are no clear bad guys. 

And we know Neeson likes to play in those lines. What is good? What is bad? They aren’t a duality, they are a false dichotomy, created by whatever world you grew up in, whatever experiences you had, whatever your society or culture told you, whatever education you discovered, and whatever philosophy you’ve come to believe. But in a moment of vulnerable confession, in all that grey reality, your friend tells you about a bad guy and they become singularly bad. They don’t exist beyond that. And that’s what is horrifying. That you stop seeing humanity as grey and suddenly it becomes good or bad, that’s the scary part about revenge and inviting fights, it encourages a black-and-white view of the world that says the rapist is ONLY bad and your friend is ONLY good. 

A bit ironic that, in trying to talk about that tunnel-vision-rage, Neeson found himself the target of it.

It’s raw, that anger. It’s part of all the hurt that has happened to you and then you couldn’t even protect your friend or family. Why did you go through all that pain if you couldn’t grow enough to save them? That guilt is a liar, you didn’t hurt them, the asshole did, and you need that to be true or else you were also the cause of all your own pain as well. So you look for the assholes because then at least you could be useful, you could protect them from one asshole by taking the hit. We need to talk about that kind of hurt, about sacrificing the self for revenge because you can’t find worth anymore. We need to talk about existential nihilism that hides inside outrage because you can’t find meaning anymore. We need to talk about emotions and how to talk about them so we can be better friends, better people, so when we look for guidance on talking to friends about their hurt, we find advice on how to not be overwhelmed by rage and guilt and disgust and anger and violence. 

That’s the conversation we could have had. That’s the world we could have started to create. But outrage culture is racist and racism gets attention and we all just want to be heard because we don’t know how to talk about our emotions. Interesting how it keeps going around like that. 

#anthropology #psychology #racism #emotion #outrage #friendship #discussion #rage #rape #culture #society #loneliness #growth #discovery #Liam neeson

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Masterpost

5x19: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Previously on Glee: Everyone else is doing things - while Kurt has his collections of neckerchiefs.   Kinda wondering if Chris wrote that one, lol.   

So....  Yeah, this is the episode that Chris Colfer wrote.  And what do I think of it? Because I know you guys are all here for my very professional opinion on all these things... lol.  It’s... fine.  There are some things that really work -- Santana as a publicist - excellent!! Sam and Mercedes’s relationship issues -- great.  Dogs dragging Lea Michele down the road because of her bratty behavior - totally here for that.  Honestly, I think the Kurt portion of the story may be the weakest aspect of this episode, but this is Chris’s first try at a TV script, and I think he’s done a lot better than a lot of people out there -- including whoever wrote I Kissed a Girl, ug.  

I do think there’s some dialogue that’s a little stiff, and Chris has a tendency to write a little on the cheesy side, but I’m really sad that season 6 wasn’t longer to give him another go at it, cause I think TV writing might have been a good avenue for him.  And I really hope that some day he gets to head his own TV show - because I think it’s something he’d do rather well at.  So - that’s my two cents. 

I will say - this episode is mostly stand alone.  And with the season drawing to a close -- I really am missing those extra two episodes that were chopped off the end of the season.  I really would have liked to play around in this sandbox for a tad bit longer, as I think there were most definitely more stories to tell.  At least I am grateful for what we got. 

Problem Child

So, I’m not going to spend much time (or really at all) trying to figure out how Chris feels about this or that as evident through the script.  I mean -- TV is a collaborative process -- and even if Chris wrote the script, I’m sure a lot of people still had their input, and he didn’t direct it, so...  But I think this still is a good indicator about how he felt about Rachel.  I mean...  yeah, it’s probably how we all feel about Rachel, tbh.  

 So as we open -- Kurt wants to see a movie, but, well, Blaine is too busy doing stuff with June, Santana just doesn’t want to, and Rachel’s freaking out that image is being tarnished because she fucked up in the previous episode.  And, as most things do, it becomes all about Rachel.  Santana, however, steps up to be her publicist -- which is -- incredibly inspired!! Can I just keep the headcanon that Santana sticks to being a publicist, this is a fantastic choice for her.  Thank you, Chris, for this.  

Anyway - Kurt’s more than annoyed -- and even has to tell Rachel to keep her voice down because they’re in side -- because he is, more often than not, Rachel’s care giver.  Because seriously, this girl cannot seem to function on her own.  

So -- here’s my thing.  This script is a little awkward going forward -- a lot of it is Kurt harping on how his ‘friends’ aren’t there for him, though only specifically focusing on Rachel.  And while I think the Rachel was the safest route to go, and one that’s been clearly building for a while, I do think it might have been interesting to see how that played out with others -- such as Mercedes or Santana or even Blaine.  (Though, honestly, I’m glad Chris did the smart thing and not include a lot of Blaine in this script.  I totally get why he did -- because he really didn’t want to be harassed about it -- and that was the wisest choice for him.) 

Oh and then to everyone’s shock - Rachel goes to yell at someone for putting their dog in their purse.  I mean, is this an LA thing? I kinda wonder if this is an LA thing that pisses Chris off and he gets to yell through Rachel.  It kinda feels like it, lol.  Anyway... Kurt’s in the background, but his ‘wtf are you doing’ look is classic. 

Pillsbury

So - this episode has to do with three of Chris’s favorite things: 1. Dogs (animals); 2. Old People; and 3. Fairy tales.  I mean - I don’t think it gets much Chris-ish than that -- unless you wanted to throw in aliens.  I do find it hilarious that he brings all these things to Kurt, because they aren’t really there before -- but it seems to fit in pretty well.  

Anyway - we get June Squibb in the form of Maggie Banks (Do you see -- it’s a combo of Maggie Smith and Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins -- at least that’s what I assume is the inspiration.) I’m not going to talk too much about June Squibb’s performance -- because it’s awkward at best  (I can’t tell if it’s her acting or if it’s the lines).  But it makes a ton of sense that this actress just coming into her own in her 80s is who they got to play the part.  I assume Chris adored working with her.  

Anyway, this old folks home is doing a rendition of Peter Pan (get it - cause they’re old, and they want to stay young forever -- this script is full of stuff like this.  I can’t tell if it’s clever or not.)  And Maggie’s gonna start screaming elder abuse if the poster doesn’t go up in the diner.  But -- that doesn’t stop her from noticing that Kurt’s full of his usual ennui.  

Hilariously, he says he files all his problems away and lets it out during an episode of Long Island Medium.  (This is another Chris-ism.  Yeah, I can’t stop pointing these out.)  While questionable choice of reality TV aside, I do think this is a fascinating beat for Kurt -- he’s internalizing all of his issues.  Maybe it’s cause no matter how far he gets in his life, and partially cause he does have super involved in themselves friends, Kurt’s not one to reach out when he’s got issues.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING KURT!!

You wanna know why Kurt and Blaine break up a second time? Cause Kurt pretty much sucks at letting people know he’s struggling with something.  He thinks he can fix everything himself, and you know what? You can’t sweetie -- so talk to people! 

Well -- here he gets to talk to June, and let’s it out that he’s feeling a little left behind lately.  Santana’s starring in vaginal cream commercials, Mercedes’s is becoming the next Beyonce, Blaine has found a sugar mama, and Rachel has already hit her mid-40s where she’s fucking up her Broadway career for a shot at TV.  And Kurt feels like he’s gotten nowhere.  Which -- yeah he hasn’t.  And that’s not a bad thing, not really, since he’s the only one on a sure and steady course, but when everyone around you feels like they’re miles ahead in their lives, it can feel heavy being the only one not /there/.  (I getcha kiddo, I really do.) 

Also - I think it’s hilarious that he says he’s the mother in a Nancy Myers movie.  (That is so Kurt, and so Chris.)  And, god, yeah, let someone else take over handling Rachel.  Geez. 

Kurt then finds out that his therapy session is with /The/ Maggie Banks -- the woman who once starred in the worst Broadway show of all time, a musical about Helen Keller.  (Eesh)  And after being awkwardly asked to come back to the home, she invites him back to watch them rehearse.  Sure - why not, he doesn’t have anything else to do.  

Look at what a happy little goober he is -- he’s gonna hang out with old people! 

Broadway Bitches

Oh Broadway Bitches.  I have a heancanon that Chris came up with this at 2 in the morning and immediately texted Ashley cause he thought it was so funny.  Is it clever? Yes.  Is it something I’d use as a name for an organization dealing with kids? No...  But moving on... 

Can I just reiterate that Santana as a publicist is hilarious.  Also her line -- ‘a designer so fancy I can’t even pronounce his name, there’s hardly any vowels’ is a line Chris probably came up with way back on the season 1 press tour and never got to use. 

Anyway -  to rehabilitate her image, Rachel, Santana, and Mercedes are going to do a show.  And Kurt wants in -- cause Chris remembers continuity and Dani’s off doing roller derby and Elliott’s at a yoga retreat so no more One Tree Hill.  You know - I hate to say this - but I kinda see why he’s not invited here, cause it is about imaging - but they don’t have to be such awful people about telling him no.  

Santana actually says if he’s there he’d probably pull focus which is a) meta and b) probably true.  But Kurt’s rightfully hurt.  They get to continue to roll around in their self-involvement while Kurt gets to be shoved aside.  Again.  

I’m kinda surprised Kurt hasn’t taken up a drinking problem at this point. 

Memories

So Kurt goes to check out the retirement home.  They’re getting ready for their production -- and there are three different headshots of Maggie on that board.  Just saying.  Kurt thinks it’s pretty cool.  And I mean -- I think there is a cool story there to be told about actors who are now considered over their prime when in fact they’re still awesome and kicking butt.  

This episode is going to be a bit heavy handed about it -- cause as much as I love Chris, he’s incredibly heavy handed in his writing -- but it’s a nice sentiment.  And I do think it’s proper that Kurt would be infatuated with stars of old.  

I don’t really have any thing to add -- it’s just a nice shot of Kurt.  He’s amused by this sweet little production. 

Also! I suppose it’s time to bring up Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, who have really minor roles in this episode.  I kinda wish they were in it more - their characters are a bit fun.  

And then the woman who plays Peter dies.  Okay, so I kinda find the dark humor funny.  (Also Chris-ism.)  It’s fine guys.  I’m sure she had a delightful life.  

After the commercial break, and after Maggie’s irritation that the dead woman was selfish for dying and ruining the production, we get some more heavy handed commentary about how old people need a reason to keep on living.  Which -- is fine? Chris not to edit your script but you gotta work on more showing and less telling 

And then we get this weird beat of Tim Conway wanting to sit on the chair.  Move kid - it’s his chair! idk. I think it’s funny? 

Kurt claims he can fill in, unless they have rules against that.  They only really have two rules -- a) don’t loose your teeth and b) take the correct meds.  Sure.  The guy claiming he was a pterodactyl however steals the show with his delivery. It’s absolutely hilarious.  

Meanwhile - Kurt goes on to say how much he adored Mary Martin’s Peter Pan back in the day (which explains a lot.  Also Chris-ism.  Five bucks that was one of Chris’s favorite movies as a kid.)  Anyway - he also still sings like a girl so he can totally take it on.  

The retirement home has standards so they have to at least have to hear him sing -- which is great! Cause Kurt always carries around sheet music just in case, lol.  That’s such a Glee-esque line.  What?  

And then Kurt sings a perfectly adequate version of Memory from Cats.  

Okay - I don’t have a lot to say about it, tbh.  It’s nice, Chris sounds just fine on it -- and I’d guess this would be his last solo of the series if Maggie didn’t come in at the end.  But, you know, the song is more about cherishing the memory of these actors -- and people in general who are worth remembering for their great accomplishments - even if they aren’t doing as such any more.  Again - a nice sentiment.  But I don’t really have anything to meta about on Kurt.  

Also I don’t like this song (I’m sorry! don’t send me hate mail).  

By the end - Kurt’s inspired everyone to get up and keep on living.  And has proven to himself that he can handle Andrew Lloyd Weber.  

Btw - the couple of guys dressed up as the lost boys are super cute.  

Homocchio (Ha!) 

The scene before this, btw, is Rachel being dragged by dogs a block.  I mean - it’s funny, yes, but also, c’mon -- are you really going to tell me it’s not at least a little bit of payback? 

Anyway - Kurt bounces in to let Rachel and Santana know that he’s scored the role of Peter in a retirement home’s production of Peter Pan -- to which they are like - eh, okay, nice try Kurt.  And well, Kurt doesn’t take that too well.  I mean, sometimes a role is a role -- and Kurt’s obviously excited about it -- so if you’re a good friend, you suck it up and at least congratulate your friend.  I mean seriously.  But this is Rachel and Santana -  Santana mocks him and Rachel gets incredibly self-involved.  This has been the case since season 1 - so I’m not sure what Kurt was expecting. 

Kurt asks them to go - but they say no.  Santana’s honest about it being dumb, but Rachel claims she has her image to keep up and her stuff is more important.  And Kurt finally lets her have it -- he’s right, she calls him day and night to fix her shit, but when is she ever there for her? Honestly, this rant could have gone on for another five minutes.  It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one irritated by the unbalanced Hummelberry dynamic that’s been going on since season 3.  

Kurt storms out of there cause seriously, he’s had enough. 

Dress Rehearsal 

Hey - it’s time for an awkward dress rehearsal with some pretty entertaining jokes and some more heavy handedness about how you’re only as young as you feel.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea -- but does every scene have to have a speech about it?  

Anyway - Kurt’s sweet in his attempt to inspire them and himself, and suggests updating the music.  

Btw - there’s this line: Ever since you were a question on Jeopardy, you’ve been a know-it-all.  (ha! that made me laugh) 

And then we get some back story on Maggie - how she sends herself flowers because her daughter is estranged.  And Kurt feels sad.   I mean there’s some stuff in there about how Maggie’s daughter is like Kurt’s friends -- not really there when needed, which again, is a nice parallel. I’m just not really fond of Kurt feeling like he’s gotta fix things with Maggie instead of trying to fix things with his friends.  YMMV.

I Hate This Scene - Yup, I’m Going With That as a Header

So - Kurt claims he caused an oil spill in a national park and gets himself in to see Maggie’s daughter.  Oh my god - Kurt, no... At least Clara directly calls security (one guy - cause it’s Kurt) and then when Kurt claims it’s about his mother -- she thinks he’s ‘dating’ her to get her money.  

Oh, god, Chris, why did you write this scene?? 

So here’s my real issue.  The crux of it is about Kurt trying to get Clara to see her mom again cause Maggie misses her so much.  But Clara tells him that basically -- Clara was emotionally abusive to her, which is why Clara doesn’t go see her.  And then Kurt gives a song and dance about why she should just get over that -- and omg NO KURT NO! 

Look - I get the sentiment here -- that we should maybe try to make amends before it’s too late.  But - Clara made the healthy choice of cutting out an abusive family member and looks like she’s just doing fine on her own.  And to have a stranger, who has no understanding of the situation come in an tell you to try to fix it is over stepping like whoa.  Kurt is so in the wrong here - and I can’t even a little bit defend him.  

This story would have worked just fine if Maggie had her regrets and talked to Kurt about living his life and not having them -- it wasn’t needed for Kurt to fix Maggie and give her a happy ending.  Stories don’t always need to have happy endings to make their point.  

Anyway - Clara rightfully throws him out.  But not before Kurt goes on to talk about how his mom died and he wished he’d had one - so she should be grateful that she does. And be the better person and take care of Maggie now that she’s old - even if she sucked as a parent.  Again - no - this is also emotional manipulation.  Kurt, no! Stop! This scene is just... no!! 

I am glad that Clara just doesn’t say anything and gets him out of there.  

My Old Ladies Are Better Than Yours

To make up for the atrocity that was that previous scene - we get a Klaine scene that is really quite beautiful in its simplicity.  Chris didn’t have to put this in here -- but he did, and I’m grateful, because it’s sweet and warm and old married-like, and while Blaine really isn’t in this episode, I’m glad that they were allowed to have this small moment and leave the drama for someone else to write. 

So -- Blaine jokes that he’s missing stuff with June to be there for Kurt -- but ultimately, of course he’s there for Kurt.  Because he’ll always be there for Kurt.  Like I said earlier -- this story is more about Kurt’s issues with Rachel (and himself for feeling like he’s going nowhere) more than anything having to do with Blaine.  

I do think it’s interesting that Blaine comments on how happy Kurt’s been -- and how that hasn’t been the case lately.  I like that Blaine’s checking in, even if Kurt isn’t fully open.  Kurt admits that he feels like this role is finally a step forward in his life, and being with the retirement group is giving him something that he’s been missing -- but I do think there’s an underlying sadness that Kurt’s not addressing.  

Kurt’s not opening up to Blaine about his insecurities and his feelings -- and that is going to cause a problem.  While they are mostly fine -- I do think Kurt’s continued withdrawal from admitting how he feels is going to blow up in his face later.  Communication is key, guys, do it! 

How adorable is Kurt in this outfit? :) 

The other thing I really love about this scene is the casual intimacy of familiarity.  They are an old married couple in this scene -- from Blaine helping Kurt with his costume, to Kurt telling Blaine to sit a row back cause Gladys can’t keep solids down.  It’s not in-your-face affection - it’s light touches and smiles and I really love that during this arc they finally allowed Klaine to have that. 

Peter Pan

Before the show - Kurt asks Maggie if she’d like to be his family, since their own families are too busy for them.  It’s a sweet moment - but I’m also like -- Kurt, seriously -- talk to your friends!! But yeah, sometimes you do need to carve out your family where you can find it.  Non-tradition is an okay thing. 

For reasons I don’t fully understand, Kurt breaks down and calls Rachel -- apologizing for yelling at her (seriously?) and tells her he hopes her own show goes alright.  Kurt’s a good egg.  Rachel’s lucky to have him as a friend.  

She rushes him off the phone -- but only because she’s sitting with the rest of the gang waiting for his show to start.  And he’s stupidly excited.  See -- they love you Kurt -- they do!!  (Plus, it’s my headcanon that Blaine had something to do with rounding them all up...) 

And... then we get the whole reason Chris wrote the episode -- so he could fly around as Peter Pan while singing Madonna’s Lucky Star, with an entourage of old people in the background.  Lol.  The whole thing is cute and ridiculous and cute.  And of course, it works for the show, and gives a chance to Chris Kurt to completely geek out.  I mean, yes, I know, Kurt in that costume, but the old people are also ridiculously adorable in this scene. 

I’m not sure about the whole old people turning into little kids thing (man with the heavy handedness, the metaphor works fine without it) but it’s nearly blink and you miss it, so I won’t really even comment. 

Clara ends up showing up and reconciling with Maggie.  And I have a cold, dead heart because the scene just doesn’t work for me.  Like I said earlier -- not everything has to have a happy ending. 

But at the end of the day, this show is still Glee. 

But the important thing is that Kurt’s friends all showed up.  Rachel gushes that some day they’ll be old folks in a home (eesh) and Sam goes straight for the crotch to comment on the harness squeezing, um, things, lol.  But ultimately - Rachel’s set it up so that the old folks can come do the performance again -- so we can combine old people with puppies and could this episode be any cuter?  The only thing missing is aliens. 

Kurt: What do you say, Maggie, you think you got a second act in you? Maggie: I never used to believe in second acts.  But you’ve proven me wrong.

Omg.  Chris - this should be your submission for a place on the staff of a Disney show. 

Take Me Home

See -- look how adorable? 

After a rousing speech from Rachel about being shallow is dumb and you should care about things that are bigger than you are -- they break out into a chorus of Take Me Home.  And this is where I appreciate Lea Michele - because she’s able to sell the incredibly cheesy dialogue better than June Squibb.  I mean, look, I like cheesy - I do -- but it’s dialed up to 11 in this episode.  Chris, I love you to death, but you don’t have to try so hard to get your point across <3 

I’m sorry if I came off as extra harsh about the episode -- I don’t think it’s bad, and it’s certainly better than about half the other episodes of the show.  I think it’s just me nitpicking - cause I do adore Chris and I really want him to push himself to be better.  This is a great first try, and I really do hope he gets more tries in the future -- cause I do think he has potential.  I just want someone there to soften the rougher edges of his writing.  That’s all. 

And the episode ends with a mutual love fest for everyone.  Cause it’s not a true Glee ending without everyone barfing glitter and rainbows.  Lol, I’m only half being facetious - it’s cute, and a little wrong about Rachel, but fits the episode perfectly.

Oh my goodness - one more season 5 episode left... 

#finding kh #kurt hummel

[sandwichbully]

Sammy’s Avenue Eatery, 23 November 2018

   “When people are hungry, you feed ‘em.”

   OK, so about three years ago, I was working at UCare - “UCare, health care that starts with denying you your oxygen!” - and it was a slow afternoon one afternoon. Most afternoons were slow and the mail room was overstaffed for what we needed, so I logged a lot of time on Facebook and I saw this joint, Sammy’s Avenue Eatery, and I thought their sandwiches looked pretty good, so I made it a point to go there.    ... aaannnddd I never did.    I was broke as shit at the time, working fourteen hours a day six days a week between two jobs (and still being broke all the time) and feeling like shit because I was a terrible letdown to my then-girlfriend (the one from this episode) because I was always tired and just wanted a goddamned beer and two cigarettes. Eventually things improved but not by much and yadda yadda yadda, a whole bunch of shit happens, and going up to Sammy’s Avenue Eatery has been low priority.    But I never forgot it. It kind of even nagged at me. And today, with it being almost fifty degrees for what is surely the last time this year if it isn’t the next to last time this year, I made it a point to go to what is likely going to be the final Sandwich Bully episode for 2018 - unless y’all want to come pick me up in your petite bourgeoisie automobile with “the heat” on in December and January.    So I rolled up on the corner of Emerson and Broadway and walked in and looked over the menu and waited for the nice lady to finish making a chai latte for this other lady and I asked her which she preferred, the Hot Roasted Chicken or the Turkey Bacon Club.    She said honestly that she preferred the chicken but they were out of that so turkey and bacon (I had to specify because I’ve had exactly one experience with turkey bacon and that shit is fucking gross and it’s so gross that I’m compelled to put up a picture of my first ex with a caption mocking her voice in which she chides me for having high blood pressure but that is seriously some SD&A shit and - Hm? Oh, Sound Design and Assembly. That was my old record review blog but I didn’t review records so much as I bitched about pop culture and waxed poetic on having picked up nookie the night before.)

   Wait. Where are we?

   OK, let’s start that over.    She said honestly that she preferred the chicken but they were out of that so turkey and bacon (I had to specify because I’ve had exactly one experience with turkey bacon and that shit is fucking gross) it was and I grabbed a cranberry ginger ale and I found myself engaged in a conversation with her. Lot of personal stuff that isn’t my business to put up here but I guess maybe I can talk about the political side of it and that part was refreshing because nobody was bringing out words with “-ism”s on the end, we were just on the same wavelength, talking about how Minneapolis government is mishandling or outright ignoring a bunch of problems and how there are easy - very easy solutions to them. The homeless encampment whom the city couldn’t decide to house in either a warehouse or a vacant fucking lot? Well, hell, how many boarded up houses are there in north Minneapolis? I figured put the homeless at least in the warehouse out of the elements. The woman I was talking to told me they had plenty of empty houses in this neighborhood. A solution I never thought of. And even thinking about it now, I realize that there’s a lot of red tape and the banks own those empty houses but why does the bank own an empty house? Why is it held by a private entity and not by the state? What are the escheat and adverse possession laws in Minnesota? (And that’s over thinking it but that’s because capitalism doesn’t provide for simple solutions without the transfer of liquid assets.)

   And enough of that.    Anyway, at one point, this dude comes in and says he doesn’t have time to stop in and eat at the moment but he was just wondering what the soup of the day was for when he came back later and the woman said it was alright if he didn’t have time to eat, she’d fix him a “little” to-go cup (it was more like an eight ounce cup and I don’t know how metric people measure soup; by volume - 237mL - or by mass - 227g) and she handed it to him and told him to have a good day and he said thank you and he walked out the door and she stared out the window and she said, “When people are hungry, you feed ‘em.”    No conditions, no clauses, just simple straight to the point action and solution.    And she told me about how she wanted to start a homeless shelter, not like the ones downtown where you have to "tell ‘em everything about your life just to get in the door”, she wanted to start one where if you were tired, you could sleep, and if you got caught fucking up, you got kicked out. Simple as that.    And my brain goes to how dangerous that would be because what about all the rapists and murderers and then my privilege checks itself and I got to remember that homeless folks aren’t homeless because they’re murderers and they do just want a warm place to sleep and a little something to eat.    She told me she wanted to open a soup kitchen, too, and told me that one place downtown was in such a great location because it was centralized and somebody could even walk for forty blocks to get there, and they would, too, because, as she put it, “hunger travels”. I know that. I remember the time, it was like ten years ago or so, that I was with Georgie and we were starving and I walked two miles in a snowstorm to the food shelf and I lied on the paperwork and told them our twenty eight year old roommate was our four year old son because I thought I could get us more food that way (and, hey, there were three people in the house). I remember being dismayed at what we got and dutifully trundled it back home. I remember all that.    Maybe it was meant to be that I didn’t get to Sammy’s until today to have this conversation. Maybe as a (timely) reminder to be thankful for what I do have, maybe as a reaffirmation of my beliefs, maybe to just talk to somebody over lunch, which I never get to do because I live alone and work alone.

ANYWAY!    How was the sandwich!? How was the fucking sandwich, Charlie!? Remember how this blog is called Sandwich Bully? And it’s about sandwiches? And how it’s not a place for you to peddle your bleeding heart commie* beliefs or pontificate on how we need to be good and charitable toward our brothers and sisters!? HOW THIS PLACE IS MEANT FOR SANDWICHES!?!?!? TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING SANDWICH, CHARLIE!!!    It was good. As I was grabbing a pop, the woman (I know her name I just don’t know how she spells it) told me that if I wanted to bundle the sandwich and drink into a combo, that she had chips and I told her nah, I had to watch my salt and she said she knew that was right. I watched her slice my tomato right out of a whole fresh tomato which I’ve seen maybe only Trieste do - slice fresh to order. And she asked if I liked onions and I said I did and she asked if I liked pickles and I said I did and then she held the pickle slices over the container and gave them a little wiggle and told me, “Getting the salt off them for you,” which was cool. Aint ever had anybody do that for me before. And then we set to talking while I ate at the counter and you read about all that.    Well, let’s start with the size issue. I ordered a half sandwich (around seven dollars) and it was big enough that I feared what I might have gotten if I had gotten a whole one (around eleven dollars). Trust me, I beg of you, please trust me, I am on my knees begging you to trust me: Order the half sandwich. That is the reasonable human serving size.    The tomato was crisp (natch) and the pickles and onions added necessary sour and bite. The cheese, I don’t know what it was but it was white and it was creamy and, tag-teamed with the bacon, it kind of overpowered the turkey but the bacon-cheese combo overpowers most things. The mayo on the sandwich was applied to the bread pre-grilling which, a few years ago, I would have said “ew” to but recently I had the revelation that mayo is just eggs and oil (no, not that part) which are both things that are perfectly alright to be applied to direct heat (that part) and I’ve been waiting to try frying my grilled cheese with mayo on the outside but I never buy bread and I never buy mayonnaise - Why buy mayo when you can make aioli? - so I finally got to try this technique at Sammy’s and I have to admit I didn’t notice anything inherently distinguishable about it but, again, bacon-cheese combo. Overpowers everything but...    OK, probably the last time we get to do this this year unless somebody wants to drive me somewhere during December and January so we have to make this one good.    Let’s see, let’s see, let’s see...    [clears throat] But the real blackout drunk correspondent of Armenia Decides, 2018... No no no.    [clears throat again] But the real evil twin unplugging the good twin’s life support so she can assume her identity and run off with her husband... No. Come on, man, you got this. You have literally nothing else.    OK, I think I got it.    But the real guest star in the dangers-of-huffing-gas-as-a-pregnant-teen episode of this highly rated Saturday morning teen show never to be seen again as, metafictionally, her character had been shipped off to an island of misfit one-off characters, each themselves never to be seen again, turned cannibal after the last hunt didn’t yield the boar’s head required to appease the god behind the sun, he who in-turn took his great veil from the white ball in the sky and scorched their crops in anger and now, teen pot dealer and teen wheelchair basketball player and teen army brat and teen with an eating disorder and all the rest, none of whom were ever seen again, are forced to turn on each other for survival, their malevolence a dance for the god behind the sun’s enjoyment, for when enough blood is spilled he veils his white ball and grants them rest from the heat, but now, a new arrival - The Pregnant Teen Gas Huffer... is the house sauce, which I suspect is a honey dijon vinaigrette. It was sweet, a little complex but not so complex that I couldn’t guess what it was while I was eating it. It stood out and balanced the savory fattiness of the bacon-cheese combo.    The lettuce?    We don’t have to do the lettuce thing, do we?

   I mean, it’s probably the last time this year.

   Overall, not a bad bike ride, it was a pretty decent sandwich - it was good but I’m not falling over stupid for it. I mean, hey, it filled me up and I ordered the half sandwich. If there was a quarter sandwich option, I’d go for that. It tasted good, too. She asked me how it was and I told her it was wonderful and she said she was glad I liked it and I told her I was glad she made it.    I guess that there was a sense of openness, of community to the place, which we’ve been over before: I prefer to go to places that feel worn in and homey. Places like Band Box and Ideal where the proprietors and the patrons are literally neighbors, where people have been going for years, people who are eating there now worked there in high school because their parents knew the manager. Sammy’s has that vibe.    It’s kind of like Nye’s.    I liked Nye’s (yes, past tense) when you could walk in and say hi to Phil, sit down, and have an ice cold Żywiec and there was a college football game on you could ignore and it was red Corinthian leather booths and tacky martini murals on the walls and mirrors behind the bar to make the liquor selection look more impressive (or whatever the mirrors are back there for) and it was locals in there.    Last time I was in Nye’s, there was no Phil, the new guy didn’t know what Żywiec was, the interior designer clearly got all their ideas from IKEA (still love you, IKEA, but you are not meant for a bar), and the only patronage in there were literally tourists asking about the history of the Mississippi River.    I can’t fuck with that scene because it doesn’t feel like it’s a part of the community that supported it through the years. Ownership changed and nobody gave a fuck about preserving the community aspect of the place, it’s clearly a cash grab more cynical and distasteful than when they made Game of Death with B-roll of Bruce Lee and two actors who looked nothing like him.    Sammy’s, on the other hand, feels like it’s part of its community. Established in Near North, playing a role in Near North, employing Near North, feeding Near North.    GO.    GIVE.    THEM.    YOUR.    MONEY.

* I was once briefly involved with a Randian Libertarian who called me literally a “bleeding heart commie” because I told her Atlas Shrugged was “right-wing oriented”. Ah, to be young again.

#2018 #near north #club sandwich #turkey bacon club #escheat and adverse possession #community #metric soup

[cinemunch]

Movie Review - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

If you were born in one of those Millennial meme-years like me, and you grew up through the early-late 2000s goth subculture fixation, you probably remember this movie and all the unstoppable hybridizations of ebony-darkness-dementia-way’s/theater kids it touched so dearly.

This review will NOT be spoiler-free under the cut. So if that deters you, get with the times gramps. 

Just so you know, there’s a lot of blood in this movie (and there are screencaps of it), and also somebody is sexually assaulted (I didn’t screencap that, though). Read this with those things in mind, if this bothers you.

TL;DR at the end.

So the opening rolls and it’s got all that delicious dated CGI (aged like fine wine) and an atmospheric sequence that would seem to imply somebody gets murdered in this movie. Who knew! You’re very soon after met with a shot affixed on a boat headed to London incoming to port, featuring none other than our protagonist and his acquaintance, Manic Bright-Eyed Infatuation Boy (Anthony).

You can tell which is which because Mr. Todd is both the focal point and very understandably suspended in perpetual ass-madding. That’s because he used to look like this 15 years prior, before Judge Asshole pressed false charges against him so he could engage in Horny with his wife. He very much wants to kill Judge Turpin.

 I know that you cannot have a big unnecessary rotation in cast to build JUST ENOUGH of the appearance that someone is very much different from now, but I really do wonder how more people in London don’t recognize Sweeney Todd as Benjamin Barker (his previous identity pre-incarceration). If not for just the distinct facial structure, then for the fact that he gets off this ship and resumes his previous occupation, RUNNING IT OUT OF HIS OLD HOME. In specific, I wonder this regarding his primary targets for revenge. But I think that just speaks to how little Judge Turpin actually gave him any concern or recognition as a person because he just saw him as a living obstacle between him and a woman most Fuckable™️. This overall isn’t a very load-bearing complaint.

 Mostly because over the entire course of the movie, there are significant points where he doesn’t pass as his new persona, but I suppose I’d really expect Johnny Depp’s face to be exceptional when the streets are populated with the most painfully British men that’ve ever been churned out of the limey factory.

 Like, look at these fuckers.

 Incredible.

 So, anyways Sweenus Weenus heads back into the general direction of his old residence that he had when life was still good, and stumbles into a meat pie shop situated underneath it. It’s run by one droopy and defeatist Mrs. Lovett.The song during this section is one of my favorites in the whole movie, and I appreciate her honesty in the marketing of her shitty little pies. She basically sits him down and forces him to eat one of the aptly named “Worst Pies in London”. She latches onto this dude right away. That’ll be a consistent theme, here.

 So, I’m definitely no expert on musicals, seeing as I was vaccinated for Theatre-kid-ism at an early age. BUT I do know that in stage iterations of Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett is presented as a withered old crone of the highest caliber Whomst Putteth The Garbage Into Thyne Pie. Helena Bonham Carter is great, but I feel like a lot of the desperate dynamic here is lost on the fact that Mrs. Lovett is not old and haggard as in with other productions.

  I don’t really think it’s a BIG problem, but rather a petty difference in adaptation that kind of dulls the tone a little? It’s not so hard to believe that this version of Mrs. Lovett would be so open and interested in Sweeney despite this, but I don’t know. It’d certainly make it more dramatic, and nobody loses from MORE drama in a Tim Burton goth exploitation murder musical. Guess you can’t have that sort of thing without a HOT TOPIC KWEEN, though. Working those demographics!

So, Mrs. Lovett explains to Sweeney that his wife was...assaulted at a party set up by Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford while he was in prison. I wouldn’t really even linger on this part considering it’s already given that Sweeney Todd is PISS’T, but if you’re sensitive to this sort of thing I feel like it’s worthwhile to note that you see it unfold post-pie scene (it’s not graphic).

 Anyways, Mrs. Lovett figures out who Todd is by his extreme reaction, she tells him his wife committed suicide, and she provides him with his handy little box of ornate silver straight razors. A most fashionable tool of murder, if you ask me. By this time, he is most definitely wanting to use them to murder. But only the Beadle and Turpin.

 Then there’s an abrupt cut to a scene that establishes that Sweeney’s daughter Johanna is both alive and regrettably under the care of Judge Turpin. The Bright-Eyed Manic Infatuation Boy lives up to my shitty fabricated nickname by instantly falling in love with her, even though an old beggar woman who conveniently knows the specifics of Johanna’s situation tells him to not meddle in that shit because Judge Asshole will be mad and will do bad things to him and/or have the Beadle beat him about the face and ass with his extendo-cane.

Of course, he doesn’t listen and the latter part of those things happens to him near immediately.

 I really won’t go on about Johanna and Anthony too long at this point, just because I think they’re kind of stupid characters. Not because of the way they’re presented, or that they don’t fit into the story, because overall this film has great time efficiency involving characters and good directing...but just because insta-love is so dumb to me. I feel like this situation of wanting to steal a girl you don’t really know to start a new life has the potential to be even sadder than whatever circumstances surround you at the time. But I mean Anthony is a nice kid, and Judge Turpin sucks, SO LET’S JUST HOPE FOR THE BEST AND MOVE ON FOR NOW.

 Anyways, remember how Sweeney wanted to kill the Beadle and Judge Turpin in specific with as little bullshit as possible?  That kind of goes all fucky when he ends up murdering a snake-oil peddling fake Italian man with a child slave who used to sweep floors for him after humiliating him in a market district, in his barber shop. 

 He looks like this

 The whole bitchfight arose when Mr. Todd was watching Signor Pirelli’s child slave try to hype up what was very much piss in a bottle as miracle elixir. They had a shaving contest for honor right there in the open just so Sweeney could flex his skills in front of Beadle Bamford.

 Now, I know that in musicals typically one is not supposed to read the numbers as the characters actually singing, but rather as an tool of expression used to show the characters’ thoughts and experiences as they come to realizations or process conflict. BUT, during the entire shave-off I would fully 100% believe that Signor Pirelli was singing about being hot shit in the middle of Peasant Square because someone called him out for being a creepy opportunist watersports enthusiast. So I feel like the general outline of his character was strong and appropriate.

 Anyways so Mrs. Lovett adopts his child slave because that dude dead as shit lmao!!! The kid’s name is Toby. He notably will unaffectedly eat her garbage pies eagerly. Also, between these two events, Anthony shows up at Sweeney’s new little barbershop craphole and begs him to let him stow Johanna there for about an hour when he busts her out of Turpin’s mansion. This works out pretty well for Sweeney in his eyes, seeing as he now just plans to murder LoverBoy over here and steal his daughter back.

 That poor fucking girl. Talk about being treated like an object. Seemingly everyone’s planning a heist to steal her like the goddamn declaration of independence, intentions aside.

 Since we’re up to our first throat-slitting, can I just say that the fake blood looks so incredibly fake? Practical effects are a special interest of mine, but I really don’t think it takes Rick Baker to notice that every drop of red flowing out of these jugulars look almost exactly like fucking clamato juice. I really don’t know what recipe they were using for that stage blood, it looked rather ass. I guess on one hand, the sort of unconvincing appearance of the blood took the edge off the murder scenes a bit for the standard viewer. But like, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t intentional either way. 

 Foolish.

 As the story progresses, Judge Turpin does some irrelevant evil by sentencing some child to death and then informs his good friend, Beadle Bastard that he wants to marry his adoptive daughter Johanna because he’s a degenerate. He doesn’t understand why she wouldn’t think of this as the most wonderful and blessed arrangement. The Beadle tells him that she’ll definitely let him be her Number One Husbando if he gets cleans himself up a bit with a shave. Of course, having been thoroughly impressed by Sweeney Todd’s quick and concise handiwork, he refers him to his establishment on Fleet street. For a few spare moments, it seems like Sweeney Todd has the Judge cornered.

But of course, because love ruins everything, Anthony busts into the shop and completely spoils their combined intentions with Johanna to Turpin, who then storms out with utmost distaste for the two of them. With both his unpleasant guests gone, Todd then breaks into a brief musical number about how now he’s just going to kill every man he can get into his chair, because I mean, isn’t that what you would do?

 Mrs. Lovett is completely unfazed by his dramatic piss-n-moan bullshit and reminds him that they have the corpse of a frilly little man figuratively burning a hole in the bottom of an antique trunk. This is about the time where she figures that unwashed commoners would make for some bomb-ass munchies.

 I’m quite sure that her pies can’t not improve anymore so it’s honestly not a stupid conclusion to reach, just mayhaps a crazy one. A little late to think that though. I’d like a meat pie right about now, myself.

 The scene shifts again, and we see that because Judge Turpin is now aware that his ward would like to tear ass out of town with a boy she likes, he’s arranged for her to be taken into the local mental asylum as punishment for having dreams. During all this commotion, Sweeney refurbishes his chair into a grand mechanism what which dumps corpses into the pie shop’s basement below. This is an invention that serves him very well, seeing as how following its construction, he puts it to work on a bunch of rubes that nobody will miss. There are many pies to be made. This goes on for a time.

The well-informed beggar woman makes a reappearance, almost as if she were important or something, to holler about the apparent mischief going on over at the pie shop. Upon first thought, I really wouldn’t glean that the smoke rising up from the smokestack of the bakery would be conspicuous at all. It’s noted at least once that it smells pretty fucking bad, but that’s really not something I would think to actually be a thing, considering if a body’s cooking it probably smells just as well like any other kind of meat gettin’ all toasty. I understand that without something like this to go noticed by somebody, the plot really couldn’t progress as it does, so it’s necessary. But Idunno man, is Mrs. Lovett burning all their hair in a big pile for funsies or something? Just seems like nothing would be particularly noticeable about it, at least at this stage. One could argue that the sewer runoff in Lovett’s bakehouse was the primary contributor to the stench, but wouldn’t that have already been a problem around town if she were making pies there before Sweeney were involved? Maybe this wench in particular has latent ESP muddied up by delusions, you decide!

Anyways, so everyone loves Mrs. Lovett’s stinky little pies now because of course.

 Toby and his Murder Mom make great business with Mr. Todd’s help. They periodically have to throw out the beggar woman who hovers around the place doomsaying. The fact that none of these customers are offput at all by a raving old woman warning them of the delectable hazards is quite impressive, seeing as how one time there was a weird guy at my local Mcdonalds and I haven’t gone back since. Some people have pies higher on their list of priorities. Can you blame them?

Anyways, that Lovett binch thirsty as hell lol. Sweeney obviously wants nothing to do with her outside of what evidence she can dispose of. Mrs. Lovett was the first true crime fandom mom. Things did not work out for her. What a thought.

 I enjoyed the crisp, cool palette for this sequence. Even with the dated effects, it was rather idyllic. The fact that they bothered to choose two different palettes for flashbacks/daydreaming in this film is a rather small factor, but something I appreciated. Otherwise I think everything would’ve melded together, and not in a good way. There’s just enough shift in color and lighting to make this a rather refreshing-feeling little bridge to events, which reflects the overall tone of its compact little happenings quite well.

 I will say though, through all these whimsical-ass visions of the future, it makes me happy that she’d so clearly envision Toby as apart of their ideal life together. I feel for that kid. All he wants is some gin and a mom. Reasonable for a boy of his age.

 Moving forward, Anthony takes another visit to the barber shop to tell Sweenus that Turpin forcibly committed Johanna to the mental asylum. Why this boy would still trust this guy after he was seen so visibly getting chummy with the Judge is beyond me...and like, Mr. Todd was very obviously mad that he had ruined his appointment, quite personally. I guess the implication here is just that he has nowhere else to turn, but you think there’d be even a lick of apprehension or fear or something other than the bland-ass love-blinded excitement this boy uniformly expresses. Truly an uninteresting, flimsy character. Don’t know if that much could be done about it, though. Working with the circumstance, Sweeney decidedly sets up reconciliation with Turpin, and for BitchBoy to infiltrate the asylum under the guise of being a wigmaker’s apprentice who is collecting hair, as that’s just what they did back then, because government bad.

 Also, Toby has figured out there’s something fucky with the barber man upstairs, so because he’s a sweet kid who deserves better, he swears to protect his new mother from him. The immediate solution is of course to lock him in the bakehouse in the basement so he can be murdered. Toby’s the real victim here. He very soon discovers the gruesome natures of the pies.

And also, Anthony rescues Johanna or something, I guess. 

 Then Beadle Bamford shows up at the shop to file a formal complaint and inspection on the grounds of Stinky-Ass Chimney. He gets murderalized. Toby isn’t too happy at this point, seeing as it’s raining dead people inside the bakehouse. But it’s okay, because his mom and her fake boyfriend come back to murder him. They can’t find him, though.

 Boring #1 and Boring #2 came back to an empty barbershop. Johanna quite understandably thinks this arrangement is a little shitty sounding, but rather because she’s traumatized to hell and back instead of the idea that they’re going to be living in uncertain means in unfamiliar places with very poor understanding of each other as people. Would it really have killed you to add in like one more line? So then BoringLad runs off to get them a ride out of dodge, and Johanna climbs into the trunk in the corner of the room because the beggar woman is quickly approaching, searching for the Beadle. Todd returns and wants absolutely none of this nonsense in his face, so he just straight-up murders the poor old woman, dumping her down the hatch. Her last words are notably her recognizing the crazy bastard from somewhere. 

 Judge Asshole storms onto the scene. Sweeney butters him up pretty nicely under the pretense that Johanna totally wants to get married to a dirty old man like nobody’s business. But of course he insists on giving him one last shave.

 That went about as you’d expect.

 Johanna’s found cowering in the corner, but goes unrecognized due to Sweeney Todd’s absolutely photographic memory and unrivaled discerning eye regarding Shitty Disguises. She barely escapes with her life, because he has to go attend to a distressed PieWench down in the cellar. She was alarmed by a writhing corpse, but very obviously wants to dispose of the lot of them post-haste. Well that’s for a good reason.

Because she totally lied about Sweeney’s wife being dead. Even though she insists it was only with her love for him in mind, she still let him just go ahead and murder her.

Her punishment is fire.

With all he had ever worked to love and protect dead or gone, Mr. Todd mourns over the crumpled body of his bled wife. His entire purpose having been reclaiming his family upon his freedom, his revenge is thoroughly unfulfilling as he agonizes at the even deeper loss his brutality cost him.

Toby, having gone forgotten, re-emerges from the sewer grating. He too lost everything, but with absolutely no cruel hand in it. He does the world a favor and puts an end to someone who never considered what cost the end was to others. 

This is the final scene.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------TL;DR : Overall, I think Sweenus Weenus: The Demab Babbin of Fleef Streef was very well executed, with most of its flaws being mere knicks in its surface and not wildly illogical. The general pacing was very good, shots framed nicely, and kept the action at a rate where I wasn’t questioning even pettier things that potentially didn’t matter. Maybe that’s just because I’m an idiot, but I feel like this story is both thrilling and easy to immerse yourself in, which is rather successful storytelling in my eyes. The dulled color palette was broken up nicely and never lent to a feeling of boredom. The fake blood looked awful, though. Johanna and Anthony were the worst part of the movie. The musical numbers are somber and have a kind of whiny motif, which are honestly catchy as fuck to me. This story definitely has no happy endings from any angle, but I think if you find yourself wanting to mope a bit it can match that atmosphere very well. It makes for a good rainy day movie, and an even better Halloween movie.

7.9/10

#sweeney todd #movie review #musical #tim burton #movie critic #tw: violence #tw: blood #tw: rape #recommended

[jickysilver]

that place where all those good old days were at

(If we're ever gonna get this crazy world of ours on track)

Summary: Han Solo. Luke Skywalker. Leia Organa. Time travelers. TLJ to ANH

Notes: obviously massively inspired by Of Queens, Knights, and Pawns by @chancecraz (and like massive rec if you haven’t read it) though, uh, not actually intended to be a copy thereof.

 -

 Han dies falling, never hits the ground, which just proves the old adage wrong and sometimes it is the fall that kills you.

(It wasn’t really the fall. It was the lightsabre. It was the stabbing. It was the burning. It was the boy.

 It was the boy.)

 He dies falling and wakes softly, curled in his bunk in the Millennium Falcon.

 There’s symbolism there, probably. Someone would say so. Not him. Not Leia either, too practical for nonsense, too prickly to ever speculate on other people’s emotions. Probably not Luke either, though the kid had picked up Jedi cryptic-ism before –

 Han sighs and rolls over. The sheets are plain white, maybe a little musty and in need of a wash, and the tiny captain’s cabin is empty. After Lando, and his collection of colourful fabrics and capes draped across the room, and before the Rebellion and the way the space had filled up with junk, before Leia had moved in, before-

 Well. Those weren’t the best years of his life, but maybe that’s how being dead works. Just because this was his home, doesn’t mean it was theirs. Maybe if he flies to Bespin, Lando’ll be there, bright and charming, a respectable business man to the last.

 Chewie roars and thumps on the cabin door.

 Han draws in a sharp breath, something painful sticking in his ribcage, behind his eyes. Chewie.

 Somehow that was. Worse. One thing to die. One thing to leave it all behind – but. He’d thought. Chewie would make it out. The kids. Shit. Had they even managed to take out the Death Star planet?

 Han staggers to his feet, trips on the bed sheets and practically falls into the door – which promptly slides open and drops him on the floor. Or would, if Chewie hadn’t grabbed the back of his shirt.

 He roars shyriiwook that translates approximately as watch your feet, idiot with the inflections of both amusement and fondness.

 “Laugh it up, fuzzball,” Han mutters but it’s half hearted. “What happened?”

 The responding answer doesn’t make much sense. He’s not sure what he was expecting but-

 “We what now Tatooine?”

 Landed, Chewie repeats, faux patiently, giving him a gentle shake that near enough knocks his teeth loose. Have you been drinking? Disapproval. You’ll need your wits to deal with Jabba.

 “Jabba?” What the hell does Han want to deal with him for? The only good that came out of being on Tatooine – the whole carbonite mess – was that the slimy hutt died.

 He’s pretty angry we dumped that spice, Chewie reminds him.

 Han squints, leans on the wall of the hallway and accidentally puts his hand on the exposed hot pipe that occasionally spits steam and needs fixing – he’s been meaning to cover it up but there’s so much on the Falcon that needs maintenance –

 “Ouch!”

 And, Han’s no expert or anything. But he’s pretty sure shit isn’t supposed to hurt when you’re already dead.

 “Aww, kriffin hell.”

 .

-

.

 Han sits in the cantina and doesn’t actually drink because – because he’s still pretty kriffing shell shocked, mostly. And because it’s been a long time and he can’t remember, exactly, when the kid arrives and he doesn’t want to – can’t – miss him.

 (If you could go back- no one ever asked him, would you still-

 the answer was always yes)

 Han Solo is not unknown in Mos Eisley but people are giving him a wide berth. In part because Jabba the Hutt is not happy with him and no one wants to be caught in the blast radius, in part because he’s very clearly on edge and no one wants to be the first one shot (yet), and in part because Han Solo; age 63 had been far far more dangerous than Han Solo; age 29, which makes him pretty much more dangerous than anyone else in this goddamn room.

 It’s not that they can tell. Not everyone is a mind reader, Luke, but you don’t live long in Mos Eisley if you can’t tell who you shouldn’t fuck with.

 So Han sits and doesn’t drink and doesn’t try to look for work but throws searching looks to every old man and young kid (not that there are many of those that wander in) because who the hell remembers what Kenobi looks like. The old man from Tatooine hadn’t seemed much like the Jedi Knight that they’d dug up holos of, years later.

 “The bartender says you take passengers,” a soft spoken sandworn woman says, sitting down opposite him. There’s a tightness to her eyes – a kind of worried desperation – that isn’t unusual on Tatooine, in these kinds of bars, that he used to be able to ignore.

 “Not currently,” Han says, rolling his drinking glass between his palms. “Ma’am,” he adds because he’s not an animal. Is there an old guy talking to Chewie? He can’t see from this angle.

 “We’re looking to avoid imperial entanglements,” she says.

 “You and everyone else, sister,” Han snorts. “I suggest you go faster, things are going to get pretty ‘entangled’ here soon.”

 Her mouth tightens, white and bloodless, and oh, he’s sorely misjudged how desperate she is. “Look,” he says, “where are you headed? I know some of these guys, I’ll point out someone heading your way that you can mostly trust.”

 “The Alderaan system,” she says, quietly.

 Han pauses. Unease creeps up on him. “Unusual destination,” he prevaricates. What are the chances two people in this shithole want to go there? Did the droids – Did Luke –

 But there’s a flash of blond at the door and, kriff that is Luke. He looks stupidly young, but…

 Well. Maybe Han has been misremembering. ‘Young’ doesn’t have to mean ‘happy’ or ‘bright’ but the kid had used to be like that, hadn’t he? He’s overwritten the memories of Luke with the idea of him, and the smudging of the growth from farmhand to Jedi.

 Han had been stupid and young back then, too.

 But Luke makes a bee-line for their table. “Aunt Beru,” he says, softly. That kind of calm, placid attitude he’d picked up over the war, that had driven them all kriffing insane, before it had edged over into apathy and he’d disappeared for good.

 Han had never seen him again, after he’d left. All that and-

 Beru reaches out, catches the kids hand and squeezes. “Luke,” she says, relieved. “Did you sell the speeder?”

 The kid nods. Slides in to sit next to her. “We need passage to Alderaan,” he says, a statement, like he knows Han, like he knows that this is how it’s going to go.

 “Alderaan,” Han repeats. Wonders. Hopes he’s right, hopes he’s wrong. “Or Yavin?”

 Luke freezes. “Han,” he says, like it slips out, against his will.

 And Han –

 Had he wanted to see the old Luke? Young Luke? The bright star of his memories, before life had worn him down and worn him dull?

 (Had he wanted to save him? Spare him? To stop him ending up the man that left them all, just put down his lightsabre and walked away?

 Too late. Doesn’t matter.)

 “Well, then,” Han says, putting down his drink. “Alderaan. Get your stuff and let’s go.”

 Beru – the kids aunt, shit – looks confused, but Han rises from the table. He doesn’t know what he wants to say to Luke but the faster they leave the better.

 .

-

.

 They scoot around the imperial blockade like they’ve done it a million times before – they have – and manage to scrape out five minutes without anyone looking at them oddly.

 “Han,” Luke says, voice cracking just a fraction. He crashes into Han, a bone crushing hug like they’d all used to do, back in the day. “Boy am I glad to see you.”

 The words are right. The tone of them is all wrong. Too sad, too flat. Too much.

 Han swallows. “You too, kid,” he says. “Do you know-“ how, why, what happened

 Luke shakes his head, briefly, dropping the hug too fast for how long it’s been, for everything that’s passed between them. “I thought it was because of how I… passed,” he says. “The Force… I was back in the desert. I thought it was just…” he shrugs. “And then I ran into Aunt Beru. It wasn’t until the stormtroopers came that I even…”

 Han swallows again. Until the stormtroopers came. How close had it been? How close had they come to losing Luke, without ever knowing anything.

 “What,” he says, struggling to inject levity in his voice. “You couldn’t just do that… ghost thing, like old Kenobi. Had to go full on… this?”

 Not one of his best attempts.

 Luke gives what might be a sad smile. “No,” he says. “That’s what I did.”

 “Kriff, kid,” Han says, and runs a hand over his face. “Do you know if I- if the Starkiller- the kids. Rey and Finn-“

 Does it matter? In the end? Now that they’re here? If there’s nothing they can do and it’s been and gone?

 But it does. It did. It mattered then so it matters now.

 “Rey,” Luke says. “She came to me. On the Falcon. No one said anything about the Starkiller so it must have been gone.”

 So at least the girl. That’s… something. Something good. He hadn’t exactly known her but… he could have. Bright desert child that loved flying.

 Han rubs a hand over his chest. He’s too young to have a dodgy ticker. That’s something, anyway. The lack of grey in his hair is nice, too. “Do you think Leia-“ he can’t ask.

 Luke looks away. “She was still… when I…”

 They’d all left her alone.

 Kriff, Han wasn’t sure if he wanted to wish she was back or not. She was going to kill them, if she was.

 He smiles, anyway, at the thought. “Well, if there’s anything you want to ask your dearly beloved mentor, now’s the time,” he says. “Before we get to Alderaan. Maybe you can pick up some real Jedi wisdom?”

 He claps the kid sarcastically on the shoulder and escapes back to the cockpit.

 .

-

.

 The Death Star goes kind of like this.

 The Falcon arrives at Alderaan – which is still a planet, nice – gets caught in the tractor beam and brought aboard.

 They get into the smuggling hatches and hide.

 They take out the stormtroopers that sweep the ship, start to peel the armour off them for the infiltration – ‘that droid better be prepared to stop the compactors,’ Han says dryly – because it’s still pretty much the best plan they have.

 And then an imperial officer storms briskly up the ramp.

 “Aren’t you a little short for an Imperial Officer?” Luke asks.

 Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan sweeps her brimmed cap off, her hair hastily pinned up beneath it, and throws it at his face. “You nerfherder!” She cries, and throws herself after it, clinging to his arms. “Oh, I’ve got words for you!”

 “Jeeze, princess,” Han says. “You couldn’t just wait for our dashing rescue? Had to do it all yourself?”

 She throws herself at him too. It might be the best thing he’s felt since… oh last time she hugged him. “I escaped ages ago,” she hisses. “I’ve been running around the station trying not to get tortured ever since. Sorry for not letting you have your ‘moment’.”

 Han winces. “Well, did you at least take out the tractor beam so we can leave?”

 Leia scoffs and pulls a detonator out of her shirt pocket. “What do I look like, a bunch of idiots that blast their way into a detention block without an escape route?” she asks, irritably. “Get the ship started and we can leave.”

 He does. They do. And when the bright white lights of hyperspace flickers around them, turns to celebrate their success.

 “Where’s Luke?” he asks, dawning horror on his face.

 Leia whirls around and stares at him, then over the ship as though that will make him turn up. “That idiot,” she says. “He didn’t. Oh, he didn’t.”

 Han swallows. “He can get himself off the Death Star.” If he wants to, Han doesn’t add. “He’s got time. And, hell, without Luke, we might not have anyone that can make the shot.”

 “No,” Leia says, white faced. “I rigged the reactors to overload. And once one goes, they’ll cascade. The first time they try to fire it… it’s going to explode.”

 .

-

.

  “So,” Darth Vader says, voice artificially flat, breathing artificially steady. “You are Kenobi’s new apprentice.” He approaches – stalks – toward Luke.

 “No,” Luke says, unruffled. He holds Anakin Skywalker’s lightsabre out in front of him – not ready to use, but flat, like a gift. “This belonged to my father.”

 Vader … stops.

 “My name is Luke Skywalker.”

 The corridor echoes with silence.

 I’m older than you, Luke thinks, suddenly, absurdly. Older than you ever lived to be.

 He can’t remember, now, how it had felt to be young and sharp and confident. What feeling it had been that had let him step onto that second Death Star, so sure that it would be worth it. He can remember the moment of throwing his lightsabre aside, but not the determination behind it.

 These days, Luke is mostly tired and empty.

 When he’d been young he’d wanted a father. Loved his father, the idea of a father, enough to do that. To surrender physically but never surrender self. Had been centered. Settled.

 When had he lost that?

 (easy question. In the fires of a temple and the betrayal of a boy he loved just as much.)

 “My son,” Vader says. “How?”

 In the Force Vader is a galaxy. The stars and all the spaces between them, swirling madly, around and around. There has never been, will never be anyone like him.

 Luke closes his eyes. How? Was there an answer to that? “I grew up on Tatooine. Obi-Wan Kenobi gave me this… yesterday.”

 “I will kill him,” Vader rasps. “For taking you away from me.”

 Luke can feel the storm of anger in the Force. Lets it batter past him like a sandstorm on the Lars homestead – empty and burnt, all occupants dead, a sandstorm could do no more damage because there was nothing to damage.

 And beneath that anger there is –

 A small spark of hope chasing aside an endless well of despair. Like a fire, it starts to catch and burn.

 “Oh,” Luke says, numbly, hand dropping and sabre clattering to the floor. “Oh.” Even the echo of hope is so strong.

 “My son,” Vader repeats. “You are … so strong. Together we could depose the emperor. We could rule the galaxy as father and son.”

 Luke blinks at him, tired. “Sounds exhausting,” he says. Remembers the Rebellion slowly, slowly turning into the New Republic, the squabbling and arguments and stress. More Leia’s than his, but plenty of both. Fighting a war had nothing on trying to figure out what came after.

 And look how long it had all lasted.

 “I think I’d rather… not,” he says. “We could go. Leave. Live somewhere quiet and out of the way.”

 Had he thought coming here, recreating this would help? Had he thought his father could reach him, could cross that expanse, the way he had reached his father? That there was some connection between them, that would save him, save them both?

 “Please, father.”

#star wars #fic #luke skywalker #leia organa #han solo #time travel #luke has changed so much since anh #'i refuse to be involved #then die' #what would he even do back in time #he wouldn't go dark #not like that #not with fire and destruction #just ... quietly gone #and the trio is so broken #i'm sorry #tlj isn't canon anyway