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4ragon · 3 years

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I'm not the original anonymous but I would extremely want to see that essay about Apollo's trust issues.

Also since I just finished Spirit of Justice, do you think Lamiroir ever told Trucy/Apollo about her and if so what would be their reactions?

Let’s see if I can write this up without crying again like I did on twitter.

So a while ago a friend of mine asked me why I liked Apollo, and I really couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew he was my favorite, but unlike Simon Blackquill, I hadn’t done that deep dive into figuring out why. I’d always just sort of loved him, and was never able to pinpoint the part that made me care about him so much. It drove me crazy, too, I love rambling about characters that I love, and I love writing from Apollo’s perspective more than anything. So why did I love him? Why did I care about him?

Well. I figured it out. I figured out my answer.

I think there are two things that characterize Apollo more than anything. One: He has trust issues. He genuinely believes that the people around him don’t give a shit about him. Especially after being betrayed multiple times in that first trial, he truly and deeply believes that the people around him are only trying to hurt him and is too scared to really believe that they care about him.

And two: He cares so much about the people around him that he constantly helps them anyway.

So like. And I won’t tag her because I don’t think she’d appreciate it, but I was watching the laquilasse AA4 stream last night, and the entire opening of Turnabout Corner is so striking to me, especially right after the end of Turnabout Trump. At the end of Turnabout Trump, Apollo’s trust and belief in Phoenix is finally and thoroughly shattered, and Apollo lashes out, punching Phoenix in the face. And for good reason! That was a huge breach of trust! Apollo literally did the exact thing that got Phoenix disbarred, namely present evidence that wasn’t real. Sure, they never exactly claimed it was the real deal, but Apollo didn’t even know it was faked, he just trusted Phoenix and this new piece of evidence and it almost fucked him over. It did sort of fuck him over, he did lose his job and his Mentor.

And then, Phoenix calls him and says that they’re in trouble, and Apollo doesn’t even question it, of course he shows up to help.

Like. You can feel how much he mistrusts Trucy on their first meeting, in everything he does and says. Especially when Trucy and Phoenix are in the same room, he’s actively thinking about how he doesn’t ‘buy their act’ when Phoenix is calling Trucy daughter-ly nicknames. And then, in a way, he’s kind of right? They guilt him into essentially being their errand boy, and I feel like they’re constantly and loudly using him throughout so much of the game.

And Apollo was there anyway. Apollo doesn’t even trust them and he’s still there the first instant Phoenix says he needs his help.

Like you can loudly do and say whatever you want and crush his dreams and betray his trust, and despite everything, there’s always that part of Apollo that desperately needs to help anyone who asks him. He can’t even bring himself to trust them, and he’s still crawling back the moment someone needs him, ready to let them disappoint him over again.

Like this struck me about Apollo from the moment I played AA4, but he’s so lonely? And desperate for connection? He cares so much about a world that has always and consistently never cared about him, and he just keeps caring and keeps caring even as that starry-eyed naivete is ripped away. And I feel like he just wants someone to care about him back, but never really able to believe that they do, because they never really seem to, because every time he allows himself to trust it’s just thrown back in his face so horribly.

Here’s an interesting thing I noticed: in Turnabout Trump, there’s a really interesting line. Phoenix has accused Kristoph of being the murderer, the extra person in the room. Kristoph takes the stand and claims to have witnessed the moment Phoenix committed the murder. And this exchange happens:

Apollo: There must have been someone else there at the moment of the crime!

Kristoph: Justice... I just said I saw no one. Not a soul.

Apollo: B-But, that goes against what Mr. Wright said!

Kristoph: Ah yes, this mysterious "fourth person"... ...who would conveniently be the "real killer", I suppose.

And this is well past the point where Phoenix has accused Kristoph of being that person. There’s no possibility at this point that they’re both innocent, it’s either one or the other. And Apollo is still so desperately trying to find a way for them both to be innocent, basically saying, “Just give me a fourth person and I’ll believe you.” And then Kristoph turned out to be a monster, and then Phoenix turned out to have betrayed Apollo from the start, and as far as Apollo is ever aware, none of the care from either of these men was ever real. He trusted, and he suffered the consequences.

But again. He’s still there. Someone pointed out a while ago, but Apollo stays. Apollo shows up to the Wright Talent Agency under false pretenses, and he complains and hems and haws, and he still stays. Why?

Phoenix and Trucy loudly manipulate him into working their case. They’re perfectly happy to flaunt that they’re basically tricking him. And he stays. Why?

Because Apollo can’t trust them, but he wants to so fucking bad. He doesn’t even seem to like Phoenix that much, but he wants that connection so fucking bad. He cares about them so much and he doesn’t believe for a second that they extend that feeling back at him, and he’s compelled to stay anyway.

He knows Trucy is practically using him, and he’s a sobbing mess when he thinks she was kidnapped for a few minutes. He’s cynical and mean and it’s all just to cover up the fact that he loves all these people around him with all his heart and they never once pay it back. And he comes back anyway. He’s like a fucking loyal dog that is never given enough affection and so he’s constantly trying harder and harder to earn that love while never believing he’ll ever really get it.

(Shit nope crying again)

It’s just so sad. And this is all without adding anything from the 3D games. The 3D games do build on this theme in one way or another, but from the get go, this is who Apollo is. A caring young man who is constantly punished for caring and yet can’t stop caring anyway.

We see it again in the 3D games. And I think part of why I don’t enjoy DD as much as SoJ is that DD doesn’t capture this mistrust the same way. It’s so surface level, that sense of betrayal and mistrust and anger he gets consumed by in that final case. And the worst part is it doesn’t have to be! There’s already that foundation! Apollo has been hurt already a million times. The only person he’s ever been able to trust, the only lifeline that’s kept him above water since he was a child, was Clay Terran, and now that was taken from him because he DARED to trust someone new. That’s so fucking compelling! But we never get that! We never get to see how Apollo is feeling. We get that he’s convinced Athena did the murder, but never really get into the Why, into the What This Means for Apollo.

It’s a bit better in SoJ. We see how far he’s come in terms of trusting people when he trusts in Trucy wholly and immediately in case two. And then, conversely, we see his mistrust and hurt when they introduce Dhurke into the mix. Apollo refuses point blank to believe that Dhurke had come to visit him, that Dhurke cared about him. Apollo demands to know why Dhurke was there, what Dhurke wanted, how Dhurke was going to use him. He’s been able to slowly start building that trust with people like Trucy, but he still cannot let himself trust again when Dhurke had already betrayed that trust.

I said it before, but as much as I hate the slapdash ways in which Capcom keeps throwing backstory at this boy, I love what the backstories are, because they build on this angry, cynical, lonely young man I care about so much. He’s been hurt and abandoned and used and betrayed since he was young, and being good never truly paid off for so long, but he kept doing it, he kept being good, he kept caring about people because he couldn’t help it, and kept hoping that maybe they could care back. And eventually I think it does start paying off for him. People do start caring about him. And I feel like it takes until around SoJ for him to start really believing that the people around him might care about him too.

Also congrats on finishing SoJ! Since there’s a very good chance that they might be announcing AA7 soon, I...hope? fear? expect? that they’ll touch on this then. However, I also worry that they’re going to botch it up so hard.

I know what I want to happen. I want Trucy to be angry. I want her to be angry at Lamiroir and Phoenix. She is constantly putting on a mask to try to make the people she loves happy, and I feel like this is a reasonable breaking point. After all, this is kind of the one thing that Phoenix hasn’t been honest with her about. She had a brother right there, and knew the whole time?! She had a mother there the whole time?! And no one bothered to tell her?! I think she’d be heartbroken, and I think she deserves to be angry. She’s been through so much, and they never give her time to really grieve or be upset.

I think Apollo would be ecstatic and angry at the same time. All he’s ever wanted was family, and now he does! He already loved Trucy, and thought Lamiroir was amazing, so I think he would be so happy to have that family back in his life. On the flip side, I do think he’d be angry at Phoenix, particularly for keeping it to himself before Lamiroir came into the picture, but I think if they talked it out, Apollo would come around to it and be able to forgive Phoenix.

#ace attorney #apollo justice #it's time to cry about apollo again god help me #spoilers #ace attorney spoilers #aa4-6spoilers #i love this boy so much I don't know if this does it justice #meta

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lonelier-version-of-you · 2 years

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Henrik and Russ just get gayer and more in love by the fucking WEEK, don’t they?!?!

I just. Russ LITERALLY confessed his love for Henrik tonight. Saying he didn’t want to tell Henrik the full truth about Ollie because “I couldn’t bear the prospect of losing someone else I... cared so deeply about.” How else can you take that? With that pause, the look on his face, the fact that he was comparing Henrik to Ami? There is no platonic reading of this. Literally none. It is more impossible to interpret platonically than the “I won’t let you go” Johnrik scene was, and that’s saying something.

(Also, yes, Russ shouldn’t have covered up for Ollie. He should have told Henrik everything he knew from the start. But as far as Russ knew it was a one-off incident, and as soon as he found out about what Ollie had done to Maisie, he immediately realised he shouldn’t keep it covered up. He’s a good man. He made a mistake, that’s all, but he’s a good man and I will not hear otherwise. Henrik himself has done much worse things than this. Russ is forgiveable.)

And those scenes in Henrik’s office. The last scene outside the hospital. God. May I just say, Simon Slater and Guy Henry are incredible actors with INCREDIBLE chemistry. I was always concerned, with regard to the idea of Henrik getting a boyfriend, that Guy Henry might not be able to manage chemistry with another man as well as he did with Paul McGann (whom he’d already known IRL for years), but it turns out I had nothing to be concerned about.

That last scene was just heartbreaking. You could see how much it physically pained Henrik when he told Russ to leave, and how distraught Russ was too - he looked like he was about to cry. They are so, so desperately in love. You can’t take that interaction any other way.

BRB crying over Henruss forever. Or at least until Henrik forgives Russ.

Also, I think it’s a definite, undeniable fact that this is heading for a romantic story arc now. It was already pretty clear before, but tonight stated it very openly and directly (especially on Russ’s side).

Okay, Henruss feelings aside, tonight’s episode was genuinely fantastic. Seriously. It was really, really good. The best episode of Holby I have seen in a long time. The continuity! The callbacks! The characterisation! The respectfully handled storylines! This felt like an episode from 2018 (early 2018, when the show was fantastic, not later 2018 where it kind of lost its way) all over again, and not just because Ollie was there.

James Anderson was BRILLIANT tonight. What an absolute powerhouse performance. Give the man a BAFTA for this episode alone. The writing for Ollie was spot on, too - him insulting Russ to make himself feel better about his PTSD was an excellent parallel to him insulting Henrik to make himself feel better about his brain injury in No Matter Where You Go, There You Are part 2.

And actual good writing for Henrik? I am VERY pleasantly surprised. Granted, it’s probably not the best idea for him to keep Ollie on at the hospital, but it’s the sort of thing Henrik does so I’ll give the show a pass on that. His speech at the end had me crying, as did the look on his face when Ollie said “I want to be the father my son deserves” - all the Fredrik callbacks tonight were very powerful.

Russ is a really fascinating character to me. He wants so badly to see the good in everyone, that he looks only at the best in people and tries to ignore the rest of it. I think that’s a really interesting piece of characterisation, and an interesting contrast to Henrik, who - especially in his early days on the show - really tends to see the worst in people. Well. They do say opposites attract.

Also. ALL THE CONTINUITY. AND THE CALLBACKS. Oh my fucking god. So they DID name the patient Roxanne on purpose after all?!?! Tonight actually featuring a (flashback, obviously) cameo from Roxanna seems to imply that.

And Henrik was wearing the exact same outfit at the start of tonight’s episode as he wore in No Matter Where You Go part 2 - Ollie’s final episode in 2018, where it’s Henrik who lashes out because of trauma and nearly physically hurts Ollie (and does actually physically hurt Fletch). The episodes have the same director (David Innes Edwards), so I assume this was actually deliberate.

Also, I can’t decide whether I love or hate the choice to have Ollie accidentally cut Henrik’s arm with the scalpel. It is certainly an interesting piece of writing though.

Elsewhere, Josh’s storyline is also incredible. Really, really good, and so respectfully handled. No sensationalism, just an attempt at a realistic portrayal of mental health issues. Trieve Blackwood-Cambridge was as brilliant as ever, and I love how healthy and loving Josh and Ange’s relationship is. This storyline, and the Jange relationship as a whole, really feels like old Holby.

The writing for the Max and Dom storyline was a bit clunky, admittedly, but they did try to get across an important point about racial bias in medicine so I’ll give them that! And it’s great to see two cute lesbian couples as guest characters for two weeks in a row.

The scene with Max and Dom in the garden was excellent, too. That really felt like old Holby - the simultaneous sadness as Dom opened up about Carole not recognising him anymore, yet also humour and laughter about Dom’s fear of clowns.

All in all, that was a truly brilliant episode of Holby City. By far the best episode this year. Ciara Conway, I congratulate you for writing this episode.

#Holby City #Henrik Hanssen #Russell Faber #Henruss #Oliver Valentine #Holby City spoilers

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kunderdogs · 4 years

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Subtle

Simon Dominic (AOMG) x Reader ft Jay Park Genre: Romance Count: 2.5k Warnings: Fluff / Some swearing Rating: PG-13 Requested: Yes

This was actually really fun to write. I love writing Jay Park ;)

Park Jaebum swivled in his black chair, eyeing his artist and friend with a suspicous eye. While it wasn't rare that Simon Dominic would come to him for advice on things, it was very rare that this advice would be about women. Kiseok had his fair share of relationships and hookups so he wasn't totally sure why the older man was looking particularly nervous right now.

"You want...relationship advice?" Jay asked, just to clarify. He wasn't exactly the poster-child for long, stable relationships and from what he remembered, Kisoek was about five months deep into a relationship at this point.

Scratching his cheek, Simon looked to the wall. God, this was so awkward. Asking his girlfriend's older brother about love advice while said brother had no knowledge of his little sister's involvement with one of his oldest, closest friends.

In his defense, it was you that had wanted to keep it quiet from Jay. You know how he got when it came to you, his baby sister - the baby of the family. He was a typical brother. Over protective and some times blinded by the sibling love to see that you were an adult now and could make your own decisions. He had fought you tooth and nail when you decided to come to Korea and be an actress, especially since your skin was darker and you didn't look like the typical Korean actress. His words were truthful but they still hurt. It took a lot of tears (on your part) for him to get over his personal feelings and support you.

So you were not in any rush to tell him about your relationship with Jung Kiseok, someone who he considered a best friend. Kiseok was also much older than you, so you were sure Jay would burst at the seams when he found out.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, hated sneaking behind his friend's back like this. He felt like he was hiding you and that wasn't something he appreciated doing, to your or to himself. He had immense loyalty towards Jay as well so if this damaged the younger's trust in him, Kiseok wasn't sure if he could stand that. He'd known Jay for so many years that if he told him to break up with you, Kiseok wasn't confident in saying he wouldn't do just that.

Clearing his throat, Simon sat up straighter on the studio couch and faced Jay for the first time since he walked in. "Yeah. I want to meet my girl's family but she thinks we should wait a little longer. Because she's younger, she feels like her older b-...sister wouldn't approve."

Hearing the seriousness in the older man's tone caused Jay put his phone in his lap and give him his full attention. "Maybe she doesn't think you're serious about her? It's only been a few months."

Kiseok let out a breath and leaned back, muscles still tense. "I've liked her for about a year but I didn't want to approach her due to her...family. I'm serious about her, definitely, but I want to prove to her family that, despite the age difference, I genuinely care for her."

Jay watched him for an agonizing second before smiling widely. "Aw, that is so cute. You're in love~." He sang, only causing color to bloom over Kiseok's cheeks.

"Well- I- Yes, but I need options to show her family that I do," he defended as he stood slowly, "But if you're going to tease I can easily ask Loco-"

Jay scoffed, "You'd go to Loco for advice? He basically self combusts when Hwasa so much as looks in his direction."

Kiseok sat back down with a chuckle. Very true. Loco was a mess when it comes to his love life.

"Anyway," Jay continued like he didn't just shade his younger friend, "You should go meet with the sister, away from your girlfriend and tell her your intentions. If you get the one that opposes it the most on your side, the other family members would be easier to come around."

Taking a moment to think about, Kiseok agreed with a nod. "What if h-...she doesn't want to hear what I have to say?"

Noticing the hitch in his voice, Jay shrugged, "If you're serious about this girl then she'll listen. It's her sister, so of course she's going to want to meet you and see who you are. Go to a semi-public restaurant so she has to listen to you, without yelling."

Kiseok felt now would be a good time to make his move, but coming out right didn't sit well with him so instead, he nervously gulped and used the last of his will to ask, "What would you say to that?"

Jay interpreted it different than what Simon expected but he pondered it for a second before snapping his fingers. "Let's try this- I'll be the sister and you try to convince me to support the relationship. What's the age difference though?"

Feeling the panic rise to dangerous levels in his body, Kiseok did his hardest to hide his inner feelings before clearing his throat again. "It's um, more than six years."

Jay blinked at the new information but shrugged again. "She is an adult, right? How old is she?"

"She's um, twenty-six right now."

Feeling his shoulders relax, Jay took a breath. "Oh, she's the same age as Y/N? Okay, that's not too bad. Gosh, you got me worried you were dating some eighteen year old or something..."

Chuckling in nervousness, he was thankful that Jay was too distracted by getting into his character as the "sister" to notice how jumpy Kiseok became when he mentioned your name. They agreed that Jay would play the older sister coming to meet him at a restaurant so Jay stood and walked in the door, swinging his hips in an exaggerated motion as well as held his hand out like he was carrying a purse.

Jay slid onto the couch opposite of the older man and crossed one leg over the other. "So," he began in a high-pitched voice to mimic a woman’s. "You're the famous Simon Dominic my little sister is dating?"

Somehow, even with Jay pretending to be a girl, this all felt too real to Kiseok. He was nervously pulling at his collar before he could reign himself in. "I-...Yes. I'm Jung Kiseok, thank you for meeting me here..."

Jay blew his pretend manicure in boredom. "Let's cut to the chase." Within a few seconds, his dark eyes narrowed on him. "How can you date a woman so many years younger than you? Have you no shame?"

Absolutely caught off guard, Kiseok stuttered to respond, which made Jay break character and raise an eyebrow at how unsure the usually confident rapper was. Either way, he let the older man stumble to respond. "Your sister and I have real feelings for each other. I know you're concerned for the age difference and I also had my own reservations but getting to know her over these last few months made me realize my feelings for her are very much real. I would like your approval to continue dating her."

Back in character, Jay huffed with his nose in the air. "There are hundreds of men worthy of my sister, her age as well! What makes you think you deserve her? Just because you're a celebrity doesn't mean every woman has to fall at your feet!"

The sincerity in Simon's eyes as he spoke next took Jay aback a bit. "When I'm with her, I'm not Simon Dominic. I'm Jung Kiseok and she doesn't treat me any differently because of my status. I can be who I really am with her. When I wake up, all I want is to see her and hear her voice. When I'm having a bad day, she's the first person I run to...When I'm having a good day, she's usually the reason. Her smile is the most breath-taking thing I've ever seen."

Just seeing how starry-eyed Kiseok was getting talking about his girl made Jay smile a bit. He really liked this girl, whoever she was. "I know, she's my sister! That doesn't tell me about your intentions with her. I won't give my approval to just anyone."

Kiseok made sure to keep eye contact and if there were any traces of humor before, it was all gone by now. For some reason, Jay could feel the air around them take an even more serious turn. "Your sister makes me the happiest version of myself. We've only been together for a few months and even though I wanted to tell you when we first began dating, I respected her wishes to wait to tell you. Out of all the woman I've met, I've never wanted to spend my entire life with someone until now. It's too early to speak of marriage with her but I have every intention of asking for her hand, down the road."

Jay felt defensive, but he wasn't sure why. Maybe because he had a little sister who was the same age, but suddenly his voice was back to normal. "She has her whole life ahead of her and you two are at different stages of life. Wouldn't you want someone your own age?"

Kiseok heard his heart bumping a thousand beats per minute. It felt as if he were talking with Jay now, not the pretend scenario they conjured up. This was getting too real at this moment. "I've tried to convince her and myself that it would better for us not to date because of our age but after some discussion, we're both at the same point in life. I do want to settle down soon but I have a lot I want to do, career wise, and so does she. Right now, getting to know each other is our priority. All I know is that I can't live without her in my life right now. I love her."

Keeping the eye contact, Jay noticed that they weren't talking about the same person at this point. His eyes searched the older's face for a minute before he broke character entirely.

Siting back on the couch, the young CEO took a deep breath and had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he thought about his own baby sister. Your smiling face flashed in his mind. He had a small suspicion...so small it could be written off as paranoia.

Either way, he had to ask. He had to know. "Who is this girl?" The tone he used boomed with authority and usually was able to make weaker men tremble.

However, Kiseok must've noticed how pensive he became and understood that Jay was coming to the realization. He didn't have any reaction at first, just blinked at the younger man. After a few tense moments, he exhaled deeply. "I think you know who we're talking about."

That was confirmation itself, without even having to out right say your name.

So, without further ado, the usually cool-headed CEO blew the fuck up.

Launching out of his chair, Jay's chocolate eyes were set on fire, glaring at the man before him. "You're dating my sister! Without telling me!"

With no intention to fight or argue, Kiseok looked up calmly to his friend. "In my defense, I wanted to tell you as soon as we had our first date."

"My sister!" Jay nearly screamed, the realization finally dawning on him. "Y/N?! My own sister, behind my back?! What the fuck!"

Without much to say, he let Jay get it all out of his system. It looked as if he was in denial at first but after a few minutes of thick silence, he fell back onto the couch with a defeated look. It looked as if he'd aged ten years in the past ten minutes.

A hand rubbed down his face. "You're the man she's been telling me about? Damn it."

This peaked his curiosity and he couldn't help but ask, "She talked to you about me?"

Jay glared weakly at how eager he sounded but couldn't stay mad at his friend. "She mentioned she was interested in a guy in the industry, a few years older than her who sent her flowers every day for the duration of her movie shooting. I told her to pursue it if she kept babbling about him...You, I guess."

Trying to fight the smirk, he failed miserably. So Jay was the person who'd basically told you to date him? Everything really came full circle, didn't it? Seeing how utterly confused the young CEO looked, Kiseok took this time to tease him. "You know...if you hadn't told her to pursue a relationship with me...she wouldn't have agreed to our first date. So, you're directly responsible for us dating."

"I didn't know it was you she was talking about!" Jay defended, but quickly deflated once again. "Although, even if I knew it was you...I don't think I would've been opposed..."

"You wouldn't have?" The doubt in Kiseok's voice was too thick to cover up.

Jay crossed his arms, huffing like a child. "How can I oppose you two being together when you bought her flowers every day for months? Not to mention the whole k-drama worthy speech you just gave me..."

"So," Kiseok started gingerly, "Does this mean..?"

"That I approve?" Jay grumbled in his chest. "You're lucky I know the kind of man you are. If you'd been any other sleazy rapper I'd end this right now."

Kiseok felt oddly flattered. It didn't last long though.

"But," Jay continued, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Y/N is still my precious baby sister so if you hurt her in any way, if you fuck up, I'll be on your ass faster than you can apologize."

A weight lifted from his shoulders that he didn't even know was there. Jay was the biggest obstacle in your relationship so with his approval and him on your side, it would be easier for your family to come around, especially since they knew and loved Simon like he was apart of the family.

Jay stood, fingers unlocking his phone so he could call you. With the phone to his ear, he gave Kiseok one last once over, "Also, I don't want to hear about any...activities you two have."

Laughter followed the CEO out of the studio as he left a voicemail to meet him and "your little boyfriend" for lunch today.

#simon d #simon dominic #simon dominic scenarios #Simon dominic reaction #jung kiseok #jung kiseok scenario #jay park #park jaebum #aomg #aomg scenario #kunderdogs #request #jay park scenario #ssam d

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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for the “give me a character” meme! Eric, Adam, William, Mallick, Strahm, Rigg!!!!

YESS thank u!!!!

Eric:

How I feel about this character: That's my boy!!! <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uuuu okay. Adam, obviously, but concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Art, Lawrence, William, & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him & Rigg!!! That's his best friend!!! + he and Gibson in the Eric Lives AU!! (Gibson IS dating his best friend + recognizes that he's made the effort to change <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: You Understand This but the idea that he's irredeemable/deserved to die is complete and utter bullshit. This post that you made perfectly describes my feelings on that!!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Firstly that he. Y'know. Didn't die. But I would have loved to see any of his interactions with Hoffman? Obviously they knew each other + I like to think they have since they were in academy together, so there's gotta be some sort of history there, y'know?? I feel like he definitely cared about Eric so I would've been very interested to see more regarding that relationship! + one more big one: I wish he knew/was at least made aware of the fact that Daniel was ALIVE and okay. It kills me thinking abt how this man died not knowing if his child made it out.

Adam:

How I feel about this character: I loooove him he deserved better. I relate pretty heavily to him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hehe. Lawrence obviously!! Chainshipping is a HUGE comfort ship for me. BUT! Regarding the SAW polycule: Lawrence, Eric, William, Gibson, & Mallick!! + when concerning that alternative canon continuity we've been talking abt, Strahm. But only in that circumstance lol,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MANDY!!! In any AU where she's either not a disciple or abandoned her apprenticeship, I firmly believe that he and Amanda would be best friends. Mean gay/lesbian solidarity siblings who would fight tooth and nail for each other + who get each other on a level that not many others can. Pamela also!! Along w Mandy I like to think they talk about their experiences being trans a lot + just bitching w each other lol.

My unpopular opinion about this character: IDK how unpopular this actually is but I 100% believe that Adam would never become a disciple in any capacity, ESP not of his own accord. I genuinely think he'd rather die. That's just not something I can see him doing in any circumstance.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone had gotten him out of the bathroom :( And in an AU where he lives I hope someone tells him what a bastard Zep was!! No one made that dude hold a gun to Diana's head and listen to her heartbeat what the FUCK was that!!

William:

How I feel about this character: He's such a sweetheart I love him,, <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Lawrence & Adam <3 in the polycule though this includes Eric & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: He and Pamela obviously!! His sister is his best friend and they're there for each other 100%.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much like Eric I don't think he deserved to die/that he's completely irredeemable... he fights so hard to save everyone and is utterly devastated when he can't. He's willing to hurt himself to save others (nearly dislocating his shoulders trying to keep both Addy and Allen, burning himself with the steam for Debbie, etc.) and it's like. John is always talking about how it can't be personal but it seems pretty fucking personal here!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: The fact that nobody saw how hard he fought for his coworkers + the sacrifices he made for them upsets me to no end. That was intentional. John didn't want Tara + Brent (or Pamela for that matter!) to see him as human and that fucking bothers me!! So basically I just wish that they could've seen it via camera like literally almost every trap victim gets in some capacity!!

Mallick:

How I feel about this character: Yet another character I relate to wayyy too much <33 I love him...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIT!!! + concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Eric, William, & Lawrence!! (Art maybe too,,)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like to think he and Laura would've gotten along actually? I feel like that would be a good, healthy friendship. And I do like the idea of he and Brit like this too!! Other than that maybe Mandy? I feel like they could relate to each other a little bit, help each other when they're feeling brainweird,, (Mallick n Mandy: havers of Symptoms Disorder <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again I don't know if it's unpopular, persay, but uh. I don't think the Mallick we meet in V would willingly sit and listen to Bobby Dagen in 3D. He'd hate that dude. My take on it is that Brit didn't survive V (although I think read somewhere that the crew confirmed she survived?) and that's why he was there: because he'd lost the one true connection he'd made in god knows how long. That's rlly the only way I see him sitting thru Dagen's bullshit lmao.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wanted him to see Brit again,, and I just wanted to see him more in general tbh, esp because he makes a reappearance where so many prior Jigsaw survivors do not. I would've liked to see him interact with Simone given that they both lost a limb/nearly a limb (in Mallick's case). This is related to that, but I also wish the evidence of the 10 Pints trap wasn't just. A tiny scar? I HC that it took his whole hand, so.

Strahm:

How I feel about this character: Ohhh my beloved. Why didn't they give you a better narrative it would've been SO interesting. I love you though <3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly? Still super fond of Gibson/Strahm in a scenario where things are different,, I've written quite a bit abt them and kinda want to again but if I do it'll probably be. Not for a while + VASTLY different. but recent additions have been Hoffman (I used to. not understand Stroffman whatsoever. now I Get It) and Adam!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: PEREZ!!! I've always thought of them as best friends since I first saw IV, and I do think he genuinely cared about her - quite a lot, actually, esp given how devastated he was when she was injured. They hang out at each other's apartments all the time + get coffee regularly. I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't think he's a dumbass?? I don't know if that's unpopular. I think that he's IMPULSIVE and that it gets him into trouble, but Strahm has always struck me as incredibly intelligent + has a good moral compass for the most part?? I mean, he figured out there was a second apprentice (second as far as he knows, anyway) helping with traps just by examining Kerry's crime scene. I think he's VERY smart. He just acts quickly + sometimes that means there's not much planning for if things go south. (I DO agree that showing up to the packing plant w/out backup was dumb though,, doesn't mean he DESERVED the Water Cube but y'know)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: It's not really mentioned if he does in canon, but I wish he'd been made aware of the fact that Perez was alive,, it bothers me that he might've died not knowing she was okay. The other thing is that I wish he'd survived V!!! I think it would've been WAY more narratively satisfying for him to kinda follow in Tapp's footsteps as a vigilante Jigsaw hunter. (That's why I love yr takes on him so much!!)

Rigg:

How I feel about this character: He has such a big heart. He cares so so much. I wish ppl talked about him more :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Gibson!!! And uhh Hoffman, but they're exes,, but! In a scenario I'm kind of going over in my head, maaaybe Adam... the basics though is that he searches the Nerve Gas House independently and somehow finds the Bathroom following II, and He is the one to rescue Adam. Very tentative abt that one though bc I'm still working it out lol. (Possibly Eric/Adam/Rigg???)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Eric!!! His best friend <3 I think he's also pretty close with Kerry, though I think he hangs out w her independent of Eric given,, the messy ex situation. I think he probably got along well with Fisk too!! OH and I think he and Sing would've been good friends as well. The chaos of a Rigg/Gibson/Sing friend trio...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mmm I don't know that I have one? Other than maybe like. I understood why he went through the door. He knew Eric was on the other side; he just didn't know the circumstances or what would happen if he went through. All he knew was that he was that much closer to someone he's been trying to find/rescue for MONTHS + someone he cares for deeply. Of COURSE he went through. He breaks my heart ugh,,,

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish he hadn't even been tested!!!! His one flaw was that he cared about ppl and somehow John saw that as something he needed to fix!!! Like yes I do agree that it was eating away at him and the obsession might've been unhealthy, but that's two of his closest friends dude!! I don't think he deserved to be tested for that. I don't. He just wanted to help ppl and keep them safe. I absolutely despise how Rigg was treated dkjflkdf!!!!

#saw #eric #adam #william #mallick #strahm #rigg #asks #long post #THANK U I loved getting 2 answer this!!!#+ if anyone else wants 2 send more for different SAW characters I'm still open to these!!#dude I have So Many Feelings abt rigg lately goddd #also I just realized tht this is all my f/os. rigg is a platonic one But Still!!!

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detective-with-one-arm · 3 years

Note

💭 - your choice

Simon

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Simon

I love him. I love him so much. I could watch him smile forever. I could kiss his face for hours if he'd let me. I'd kill and die for him. I'd go to the ends of the world for him. I'd do anything if it meant making a better world for him to live in. I don't ever want to be without him. I want to spend the rest of my life by his side.

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Simon

He's so cute and so sweet. It's kinda nice having someone like him in the tank with everyone. He's more like me. And it's fun having someone I can tease and play with myself. Plus, he gives nice hugs and it's nice sleeping next to him.

Aquarium Siren!Rachel & Android!Simon

He's my friend! He understands me! He sees me! I don't have to pretend around him and he wants to stay with me. He makes me happy and I want to make him happy, too. I want to see him every day!

Delinquent!Rachel & Undercover Cop!Simon

He's got guts. I'd like to see him again. He's very fun to play with and tease. Cute, too! Wonder what he does for a day job.

Demon!Rachel & Fallen Angel!Simon

I hate him. I love him. I love fucking him. I love being fucked by him. He makes me confused. He makes me scared. He sets me on fire. I never want to be without him. I don't ever want to go back to a life without him. I don't care about anything else but him. I just want him. He's my angel and I'm his demon. God's not getting him back and I'm not Lucifer's bitch.

Yandere!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

He'll understand. Even if he never loves me, he will understand that I am the only one who can protect him. I'm the only one who can provide him everything he needs. He'll see. He'll see that the world is horrible and that I rescued from it. And he'll see that I love him. I love him more than anything and that I would kill and die for him if it meant protecting him from the world that's hurt and tortured him his whole life.

Naga!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

Men are cruel. I've seen it. To women, children, and other men. Though...it's not always men. Nevertheless, I've seen his wounds before. Less frequently, though it breaks my heart to see them at all. That as much as the world progresses and improves, some parts remain the same. And it saddens me that it's the uglier parts. But, my home is a safe haven for people like him. So, Simon has a home with me. With my people.

Guardian Angel!Rachel & Homeless Human!Simon

Poor thing...he was done so wrong in his life. But I'll be there for him. I'll help him find his own wings and soar. I'll be his guiding light. His star in the night. His friend...his home. Until he's strong enough to live without me...

Hybrid!Rachel & Hybrid!Simon

A bit odd, but a chill dude. Not as creepy as some of the predators I've met and not as aggro as some of the large prey I've met. I trust him. Hope he gets by okay.

Werewolf!Rachel & Vampire!Simon

He's sweet. And kind. And gentle. And so compassionate. I don't think I've ever met a vampire as nice as him and I'm not letting him go. He's my mate and part of my pack, now, and we've gotta look out for each other. And I love him. Wish he wouldn't pretend to throw the stick or film me in the bathtub, though...even though it is really funny.

Vampire!Rachel & Vampire!Simon

Respectable and understanding of the symbiotic relationship between humans and vampires. A true gentleman and a responsible sort. A worthy vampire. Though, I wished he had been more honest about his feelings, I'm so happy that he is honest, now. It was painful living knowing that he'd been neglected for so long. He deserves to be loved as fervently as the others.

Markus

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Markus

I used to think of him as above me. Not as a person, but as some sort of judge. A vector for my sense of justice and morality and how that connected to my sense of self. I was so sure I was unworthy of even standing next to him. But now...? I can't imagine doing what I do without him by my side. No matter what, we do everything together. We're partners. And...I love him. For who he is. For everything that makes him...Markus.

Vanilla!Rachel & Pagan God!Markus

I never thought that praying to the void would actually get me an answer. But...weirdly enough, knowing that gods are real brings me a sense of peace. And that one is on my side and genuinely believes in me and wants to help is...nice. It's nice knowing some part of the universe has my back. So, I wanna have his. It's only fair. Besides, he makes for good company and a good houseguest. Easy on the eyes, too, so long as he doesn't break my brain. I think we could be good friends.

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Markus

I trust him with my life. He protected me. Kept me safe. Made sure I knew that nobody would hurt me as long as he was around and made sure that the others knew not to hurt me. And made sure I knew I was safe around him. And he's so gentle...so affectionate and loving. I'm gonna miss him whenever we get the hell out of this tank...

RK800!Rachel & Human Detective!Markus

I find him...peculiar. And fascinating. His curiosity and inquisitiveness is infectious, I think. He holds my attention. And he's kind. And...sincere, I think. I like him. Detective Manfred is a good man and a good detective and I value him as a partner. I like working with him and I hope I will be granted more opportunities to expand our professional and personal relationship.

Hybrid!Rachel & Hybrid!Markus

Smug son of a bitch thinks he can get in my pants with a cute little smirk and a playful charming personality and a sensitive artist persona and a sexy voice...well he can, and I'm mad about it. It's not fucking fair.

Naga!Rachel & Naga!Markus

He thinks he can fool me with his innocent act. He seems sincere, but I will not be fooled again by a naga who means to take that which I have guarded for centuries. We will see his true motives soon enough. If his heart truly is pure...he will likely move on and never see this place again...he is a traveler, after all.

Werewolf!Rachel & Werewolf!Markus

He's not an alpha, I don't think. But I feel like I would follow him wherever he went. Like I would do whatever he ordered me to. I don't know why, but I feel like I can trust him. He fought alongside me and didn't even expect a reward. I want to know him. To be close with him. I...I want to be a part of his pack.

Frontier!Rachel & Frontier!Markus

Mister Manfred is a good man. A bit cocky and polished, but a good man. Hard worker. Good craftsmanship. Sheriff Anderson's taken quite a liking to him and he stays for dinner a lot. Can't help but feel like maybe I'm letting him get too friendly with me. I can't say the competition's very appealing, though. Besides...he makes for good company. And he's a kind man. A very kind man...I hope he knows how to protect himself out on the streets.

Leo

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Leo

He's very sweet, but he's kinda intimidating. Though, it's not his fault and he's super gentle and careful with me. With everyone, actually. Which I really appreciate. Besides, even if he doesn't think so, he's nice to cuddle, too. And a very kissable face.

Trans!Rachel (Richard) & Human!Leo

I love him. I love him so much. I still feel so shitty that I didn't tell him I was a cop...I should have. But he still gave me another chance. He still let me in. I won't make him regret it. I swear. I'll be everything he deserves to have in a partner. He's too good for anything less from me.

Guardian Angel!Trans!Rachel (Richard) & Demon!Leo

I don't know how. I don't know why. But, this charming demon is my charge. I will never truly understand the will of God, but none ever will. Not even us angels. And if God wills it so, who am I to argue? Especially if it means I can be myself without having to disguise what I am. And I've never met a demon so sweet and so kind. Perhaps now I understand how others fell in love with Lucifer. There is a certain...beauty to demons I didn't see, before.

Elijah

Vanilla!Rachel & Human!Elijah Kamski

How in the everloving fuck did I manage to land a multi-million dollar deal beta testing a line of androids specifically catering to monsterfuckers like me? How? ¿Como? Cum? Someone explain when my life got so fucking weird that I am now collaborating with a fucking tech company trillionaire beta testing his new line of androids SPECIFICALLY for monsterfuckers?! How did this happen????

Daniel

Vampire!Rachel & Vampire!Daniel

Unlike his brother, Daniel is...frustrating. He is archaic, dogmatic, and difficult to tolerate at times. But...I also understand where his beliefs come from and being forced to share residence with what is essentially food that he is not allowed to eat must be frustrating to him. But all he needs is...proper discipline. And attention. And...affection. I do care about him...deeply. I want him to prosper and be comfortable here. I want him to be happy. I want him to feel as though my manor is a home, not just somewhere where he is a guest. And I hope I can achieve that with him, somehow.

Alma

Vanilla!Rachel & Vanilla!Alma

I care about him. I care about him more than anything. I cared about him before. I like him. I like him a lot. He tries to hard to learn, but he's actually a really good learner. It makes me upset that he seems so afraid of failing. He won't say it or act like it, but I can feel it. The hesitance and even preemptive recoiling as though him messing up will bring him pain. But now that I understand where it comes from...I just want to protect him. I want him to know how much he means to me. How much I see in him. How much I care about and appreciate him for who he is. The man who looks up at the sky and maps stars in his silver eyes. The man who always asks questions and wants to know more than he already knows. The man with an insatiable curiosity and a kind heart. The man who will hear me rattle on about whatever random thing just because he likes hearing me talk about it and likes learning about it. The man who will do the same to me. I...I just wish that everyone he's stuck with at home could see him for who he really is. Not what they wished he was or what they think he is or what they think he's supposed to be. Fucking cunt doesn't deserve her own invention, if you ask me...

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Alma

I'll admit, he was kinda scary at first. I couldn't see him and suddenly he was inside me. Didn't even give me a chance to catch my breath or anything or prep me. Then, he looked really scary. But then...he got soft. And cute. And I just wanted more of him. Even now, I look at him, and I just wanna hold him. Let him rest his head on my chest and listen to my heartbeat for a while. He's hot as fuck when he's railing me, but god damn, he's so sweet, too. And cute. It's nice to hold him and kiss him. He makes the best faces. Especially when I mess with his lure.

Alien!Rachel & Space!Alma

He's different. So much different than I could've ever expected. I'd heard reports of the ambassador from Earth from the Congress, before. But...actually meeting him was something else. He isn't even human. He's so different from me, but he feels familiar. Comforting. Like...home, almost. And his interest in my people and our culture is hard not to like. Perhaps I can request that my team visit my planet. I think Alma would like to experience Essek for himself. And I want to show him all my favourite parts of it.

Elianna

Vanilla!Rachel & Android!Elianna

She's so pretty. And confident. And fun. God, I haven't been on a date with a woman in years. I really hope I don't scare her or make her uncomfortable. I wanna get to know her and I can't do that if I fuck up and scare her away before I get the chance to.

Arda

Vanilla!Rachel & Vanilla!Arda

If she's anything like Alma, I think I'll like her. And probably get just as protective and defensive of her as with Alma. I bet making friends with both Alma and her would piss Dr. Chen off. I wonder if Alma's told her about me...

Vanilla!Rachel & Mer!Arda

She's...beautiful. Honestly. And so soft and so sweet. I like just floating around the tank in her arms and sitting on her lap. She's just nice to hold and I like listening to her. She's so gentle and so loving. Also helps that she's really good with her mouth. I could fall asleep floating around on her.

Alien!Rachel & Space!Arda

She's beautiful. She's a lot like Alma. Sort of like hatchmates, I think. Though, they're closer than that. But she's very kind and considerate and I like her. I feel inclined to protect her and defend her, much like Alma. I wonder if she'd like to study the flowers on my planet. She seems the type to enjoy interplanetary botany.

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ghost-writing · 4 years

Text

The Monster 3/?? - August Walker fanfic

PART THREE - Change

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: Mentions of sex, mentions of violence and murder, swearing and bad language (in English and in Dutch!), some angst I suppose. And August Walker. (The Kingstache deserves its own warning.) And it’s probably full of typos and redundancies. If you see something that irks you, please tell me! :)

Part one can be found here, and part two here!

She felt tense. She was certain he'd try something during the “London expedition”, as Simon had named it. She had checked the reservations, and he only booked three rooms for the four of them, arguing that Simon and Niklaas could share, and assuring her that she would have her own room. Could be true, could be a ruse. Still she would've bet that Agent Control Freak had something planned. It was something in his eyes, faint but present. So she readied herself for a battle. A battle for power over the other. She would not let him get what he wanted that easily. But her team had to remain clueless of what was going on. She would not allow them to find out what was going on between the two of them. Because Niklaas would definitely use it against her.

She arrived early at the station. Simon was already there, his usual anxious self. Walker got there briefly after her. As if he had been following her. He probably had. That creep. After greeting them curtly, he sent Simon to the coffee shop. “My treat”, he said, giving him some money. She then was sure he most definitely had followed her. An intuition. Simon almost ran, happy to oblige, already salivating at the idea of fresh croissants he wouldn't pay for.

“Couldn't get them yourself?”

“Simon knows everybody's preferences in coffee. I only know how you like your tea.”

“And you know that we'll get breakfast on board with our 1st class ticket, right?”

“I do.”

She sniggered. “Ok. Spill the beans.” He lifted an eyebrow at her, trying to look perfectly innocent. “What the hell do you want, Walker?”

“I don't know what you are talking about.” He looked at someone behind her. “Den Boer. Almost late.”

“Rot op, kut”, the young agent muttered.

“What was that, Nik?” Frankie would not pass an occasion of putting that kid back in his place. He turned a deep shade of red, remembering she knew many Dutch curse words, and looked at her right in the eyes, mentally slapping her or spitting in her face, no doubt.

“I... I'm in a bad mood. Alarm clock did not go off this morning. Still, I am right on time, and Simon is not!” His triumph was short lived, as the coffee boy arrived, one hand holding a cardboard tray with four cups, and the other a bag of baked goods. Frankie's stomach growled instantly at the smell of pastry. Walker looked at her, with that unbearable smirk half hidden by his mustache, as if telling her “I knew you'd enjoy something to eat right away. Because I hid cameras in your apartment, and I know you did not eat anything since you woke up.”

“Klootzak”, she thought. “I so want to punch that smug face of his...” Apparently, she was now in a fouler mood than Niklaas.

She took it out on two croissants, eating in silence, sipping on her tea, avoiding to look at the big ass American spy who was gloating.

The speaker announcing that boarding would start shortly pulled her out of her ruminations. They all grabbed their hand-luggage, and rolled to their first class car. They were all seated around a table, so they'd be able to go through the plan again during the two hour journey. It would not be necessary, but she knew that Simon would ask the same questions again.

As she lead the way, she sat next to the window, and shuddered when Walker sat right next to her. He did not seem to notice, taking her small suitcase without asking her, lifting it above their heads. She shivered again, noticing how effortless it seemed for him, so tall and strong and...

“Frankie! What's wrong?”, Simon asked.

“Headache”, she mumbled. “Give me another croissant.” His face fell.

“I took the last one”, Niklaas said, a hint of defiance in his voice.

Frankie breathed in, through her nose, slowly, deeply. “I'll kill you for that.” Only after that thought had passed, she allowed herself to breathe out, as slowly as she could, never breaking eye contact with Niklaas. The young man was not ready to back down either.

But Simon was noticeably uneasy, trying to calm things down. “Aren't we supposed to have breakfast on board? I suppose it'll be croissants... I'll give you mine, Frankie! I've had enough already.”

“No, thank you, Simon. You don't have to deprive yourself of your breakfast for me.” She forced herself to look and smile at him. Poor Simon was always stuck between her and that shithead. Said shithead felt like he had won this battle, and looked at Walker with a huge grin on his face.

“What are you so happy about, Den Boer?” Walker couldn't stand the kid either. He usually did not care much about the people he had to work with, like Simon. Frankie was a different thing entirely, for obvious reasons. But sometimes, they'd get under his skin almost instantly, as was the case with the other junior officer. That one was not working hard enough, and acted as if he already knew everything he had to know. From experience, those were the worst kind, the most dangerous too.

“No answer? You're usually quite talkative when it comes to criticizing the Ice Queen...”

Niklaas' head almost exploded.

“Don't worry: she already knew you call her that. And worse.”

He looked at Frankie, who had murder in her eyes...

“Juniors, scram.” They didn't wait for further reasons, and left hurriedly.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck. Walker?”

She had paused between every word. Walker saw she was trying to control her wrath through her breathing, but did not understand right away why she was now so angry at him. He remained silent, not sure what answer he should give her.

“What the fuck are you doing? You are... Just... Weird. Stop being weird. Stop it! We're going to London to do a job. I don't know what's going on in your head, but get yourself in check and focus on that fucking job. For fuck sake...”

She stood up, and left him alone. He should have known treating her like a damsel in distress was not going to work. He should have known she'd put up a fight.

The rest of the journey was filled with awkward silences and quick questions about the case. When they got to the hotel, Frankie switched rooms with Simon and Niklaas: she absolutely did not want to be in the room next to Walker's, as they had a communicating door.

She barely talked to him that first day. They met the person they were supposed to get intel from, but that brought up another problem. They now had to go to the countryside to find someone else. But they'd have to conceal their identities and actual purpose. So, the whole team couldn't go, and Niklaas had the most ridiculous idea.

“Frankie, you should go with Agent Walker, pretend you're a married couple...” Again, his eyes were full of pride and mischief. He knew that would bother her. What else did he know?

While she was struggling to find an answer that wouldn't sound too angry, she heard the American say: “No. I'll go alone.”

“You'll look less threatening with a woman...”, tried Simon.

They all looked at Frankie, and something in her made their faces contort in three different expressions, but all meant “This might not be the less threatening-looking woman there is, but she'll have to make do, because it's the only one we have”. Her murderous intents had clearly reappeared.

“Maybe with a cute flowery dress...” Simon regretted his words instantly. Frankie's lips were shut tight, her jaw clenched, her anger palpable. Her silence only made her even more frightening.

“We should find another story”, cut Walker.

And then, Frankie heard herself say “We'll manage. It's only for a couple of days...”

“And at least two whole nights”, teased Niklaas, under his breath. He knew something. He definitely knew something.

Hearing that, Walker straightened his imposing frame, meaning to put an end to this silly conversation. “I said no.”

“I'm the leading officer here, CIA. You're only tagging along. And I say we're doing this. Simon, can you...” She felt queasy at the thought.

“Rent a car, search for a nice hotel in the area, and book a room for the happy couple, sure! I'll contact Emily... I mean: Agent Richards! For the details of your covert identity, Agent Walker...” And Simon skedaddled, followed by his colleague, leaving Frankie and Walker alone in his room.

After a moment of silence, Frankie trying to assert her dominance over her counterpart, Walker attempted a joke.

“Well, nobody is going to believe we're a happy couple, if you look at me that way...”

“I don't have to pretend yet.”

She moved towards the door.

“Wait! We have to... Plan this.”

“We'll have time for that while driving there. Now, I have to go shopping...” Turning around, she looked at him. “Maybe you should too.”

And she left him, confused, worried, and wondering what was wrong with his wardrobe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Walker was driving their rented car to the hotel they were supposed to sleep at. In the same room, of course. They had made contact with Peggy, the person they came all that way to meet. Peggy was now called Elizabeth, and was posing as a rich widow, taking care of a small art gallery in a picturesque village in the country side. Expecting her to be weary of strangers, they did not push their luck with her: Walker barely talked to her, most of the work was left to Frankie. She managed to have a lengthy conversation with Elizabeth, about the things a young couple could do in the area: where to eat, what to visit – even each on their own. Frankie pushed the “wife angry at her husband” story-line, because it seemed to work on their target. That woman had no trouble believing they were really married, because “Françoise” was genuinely mad at “Hank”. So, yes, Niklaas' stupid idea had actually worked, because of all the rage that tiny wife had towards her giant of a husband. The best lies are the ones anchored in truth.

But Frankie was drained, unable to conceive that she'd have to play that role for at least a couple more days, spending as many nights in the same room as him... So, when they arrived at the hotel, she went straight to the small restaurant, leaving him to take care of the reservation and the luggage. She sat at a table in a corner of the dining room, ordered a cocktail, drank it whole straight away, and ordered another, plus the lamb dish for herself, and the beef one for Walker. “Ugh! Him...” This mission was not easy, but the worse part was being with him. Him, constantly trying to hold her hand, or putting his arm around her waist or her shoulder. Him, ogling her like she was a flower and he was after her nectar. Him, his warm body, so tall and so wide, smelling so nice... Him. His huge hands. His stupid mustache. His hard cock... “Ugh!”, she hissed, full of rage and lust. She had already downed half her second glass when she saw him enter the room.

Getting inside the eating area of the inn, he saw her sitting at a table in a corner, away from the two other couple of guests who were already enjoying their meals. An older lady smiled at him, which her husband did not notice because he was focused on Franken. As he sat down in front of her, she gestured at the waitress to bring her another glass.

“I ordered food.”

“Thank you. But no drink for me?” He grabbed her glass and sniffed it. “What the hell is that?”

“Pear daiquiri. They're using local organic pears, it's nice and fresh. And it's my second glass already, because I need to unwind. Oh, here comes the third!” She finished her glass.

The waitress put the cocktail in front of Franken. “They're delicious, aren't they? Do you want one too, sir?” She smiled and batted her lashes at Walker.

“I'll have a scotch, thank you.”

He did not look at her leaving, but he noticed that whatever she did, it irritated his fake wife: she sighed in exasperation.

“We need to talk.”

She sighed some more. “Can I at least eat in peace, please?”

“It doesn't have to be a battle, we can have a quiet, civilized conversation.”

He saw rage in her eyes. He also noticed that she was exhausted. Or maybe it was the rum kicking in, or rather kicking her down.

“I'm sorry for the other night.”

This time, her face was blank. She did not believe him.

“I really am. I've thought about it a lot, and I know I made a mistake.”

Still nothing from her. How did that woman, who had looked so angry with him for the past week and a half, especially since yesterday, could now look that calm and unaffected?

“When was the last time you apologized?” Her tone was quiet, yet threatening. “To anyone.”

She looked at him right in the eyes. Walker made a mental note to never play poker with that woman, because she was not giving any clue to where she was going with that question. So, he tried sincerity, for once.

“I don't remember. It's not very often I do.”

“Why?” She drank, just a gulp.

He chuckled a little. “I don't like being wrong.”

“No, I mean, why to me? Why now?”

That's where she wanted to go. He realized she had done the same thing the other night, when she called him a boy... She had cornered him, just like now. Not leaving him any room for action, forcing him to go forward. He remembered she studied psychology and criminology. He remembered her file said she was good at interrogating suspects. He remembered how she got the man in London to tell them about Peggy and her location. He got played.

“Was it all an act? Your hostility, today?”

The waitress arrived with their plates. “Lamb?”

“That's me”, she said. “He's the beef.” The girl put their respective plates in front of them, and came back right away with Walker's scotch, trying to make eye contact, but he did not react.

Frankie smelled the food, and relaxed. She was starving, and drunk too. She cut a piece of her meat, swiped some gravy, put it in her mouth, and closed her eyes.

“Hmm... Good!” She opened her eyes, and Walker's face was another good thing. It was not the first time she saw that face, she often had that effect on people. But she was fairly surprised that a CIA agent had not seen her coming.

“It was all an act...”

“It wasn't.” She kept eating her dish. “It's really good, eat while it's still warm.”

“But...”

She cut him off. “It wasn't. I find you're insufferable. I didn't mind how smug you were, at first, but I don't know how I've managed to not slap you in the past few days... Or kick you in the balls.” She lifted her knife in front of her. “Or stab you multiple times, dismember your corpse, and disseminate the evidence across the English countryside.” She went back to eating her food like what she just said did not made her sound like a psycho. He still had not started his plate yet.

He took a deep breath, like he was about to say something, but he stopped himself, drank his glass in one go, and started his dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GUYS! You have no idea how hard it was to get to this... 3 months since I posted part 2. I wrote and re-wrote this, at least 3 times, if not 4. I just HATED what came out. I didn’t like how they were interacting with each other, or with others... It just felt WRONG.

And then, I don’t know how, Frankie changed her act, she was different: she was a mean cat and August suddenly was a little mouse stuck in her claws. And that weirdly felt RIGHT. (Maybe it’s because I watched How to Get Away with Murder. So: thank you, Annalise Keating, I guess... ^_^ )

So, I’m sorry there’s no smut (there should be in part 4, if I get to finish it!), but I’m so relieved...

#fanfic #August Walker #August Walker fic #August Walker angst #The Monster #angst

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aion-rsa · 4 years

Text

Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse

https://ift.tt/3b40KOO

In the third season of Infinity Train (subtitled Book 3), one single aspect among many sticks out: the shots of characters placing their hands on each other’s shoulders. In the crazy, random events that occur on this grandiose, mysterious train, characters reach out to each other, eager for connection, longing for trust, pining for affection.

Then when certain revelations disrupt understood and accepted relationships, the meaning and of these gestures shift. Suddenly, reaching out for others is dangerous, portrayed as movements of panic, fear, control, and manipulation. They become violations of personal space. These denials devolve into warnings, then threats, then all-out violence. Such events exemplify the theme and power of Infinity Train season 3. The show depicts the ways trauma and abuse manifest themselves, even in those we love, and the harrowing ways people have to elude the brunt of it.

Infinity Train’s overall development has been shocking, ingenious, and powerfully clever. It began as a broadly vague but character-specific fairytale of a young girl who had to face the truth of her past, and her relationship with her parents’ divorce, in which the train’s purpose could be distilled down into creating distinct worlds within each train car that provide assistance to help its troubled passengers become their best selves. The second season tore apart the premise and saw a mirrored doppelganger of the first season’s protagonists break free of their original train-car world, only to be confronted with the raw truth that the denizens of each car world serve no purpose but to advocate for the progress of the passengers.

The third season pushes this notion even further by taking a closer look at Apex, a group of passengers who have in effect tossed aside the story, who thrive in the train with little concern for the denizens of the train worlds–the “nulls.” They aren’t looking to get better; or, more accurately, they believe the act of getting better consists of increasing their number (humans who arrive on the train are assigned a number that glows on their hands; as they perform acts of generosity, bravery, compassion, or overall acts of goodness, that number goes down. Once it reaches zero, they can go back home). To them, improving one’s moral or ethical perspectives towards a self-actualized sense of peace isn’t how one gets better. To the Apex, becoming a raw, primal, carefree agent of chaos is true Enlightenment. (The Apex also have a complicated belief system where the conductor of the train, a small robot named One-One, is “fake,” and the “real” conductor, a human that took over the train way back in season one, is the One True conductor.)

Grace and Simon, the leaders of the Apex, take their wards on occasional missions to other train cars where they loot, pillage, and destroy the world within them with glee. It’s brutal to watch, even if the denizens–the nulls”–are just anthropomorphic objects. On one particular mission, the train “shifts” (relocating the entire car, basically), leaving Grace and Simon to traverse the cars to get back to the Apex HQ. Along the way they meet a young girl named Hazel and her large, powerful, protective companion, a gorilla named Tuba, who has literal tubas connected to her. Hazel intrigues the Apex leads, partly because she’s human, and the Apex recruits humans, but partly because the number on her hand doesn’t glow, while the others humans’ numbers do. The course of the season at first is about venturing back to the Apex car while figuring out a way to get Hazel on the Apex side and ditch/dispose of Tuba.

In the course of this mission, however, Grace grows more and more affectionate towards Hazel, opening up to her about her past and establishing an “older sister” dynamic to the girl. Grace’s careful manipulations to pull Hazel away from Tuba and towards her ends up also bridging Hazel and Grace closer. Simon, however, gradually starts to feel pushed away, particularly in an episode where they meet Simon’s former companion, a cat named Samantha, who ran away from him when he was younger and at his most helpless. Grace apologizes to Simon for her neglect, but this moment also plants the seed in which Simon’s broken, vicious downfall begins. In the following episode, Simon begins to step up his direct challenges to Tuba, and while Grace tries her best to maintain some kind of peace, Simon finds a way to “wheel” Tuba–to essentially kill her.

It’s an explicit, horrifying moment, and Simon expresses no remorse. Hazel, completely distraught, rushes out, but when Grace follows, Hazel transforms into a strange, turtle hyrbid. Hazel is not human but a “null,” and the revelation instantly makes Simon a real, vicious threat if he were to find out. Now Grace has to use her skill for manipulation less as a mechanism for weaponizing and control, but as a tool for protection and survival. It’s genuinely nerve-wracking to watch Grace wrack her brain in subsequent episodes to keep Hazel’s truth a secret and to keep Simon off guard. It’s even harder as Hazel struggles to keep her true emotions at bay, bottled up due to the direct fear that Simon will kill her.

The human characters that traverse this train all struggle with some kind of personal failing or struggle, but the Apex’s worldview only exacerbates the issues. Grace, for her part, channelled her loneliness and isolation into crafty acts of desire and attention, and directing that towards Hazel inadvertently starting on the path to healing. But Simon never was afforded any potential outlet for compassion or empathy. We don’t get a backstory about him, but it doesn’t matter. Samantha “leaving” him traumatized him, and seeing her again triggers him in the very direct and honest sense of the word. With no real outlet to cope or learn (Simon doesn’t get a chance to really venture the cars to even somewhat develop; Grace at least seems to explore a bit), his trauma and pains festers, solidifying into three unhealthy, self-rewarding truths: a quasi-love for Grace, a power/status role in the Apex, and a misguided understanding in the purpose of the “true” conductor.

How The Ren & Stimpy Reboot Reignited the Debate Around Animation Gatekeepers

By Kevin Johnson

So it’s inevitable that Simon wouldn’t care at all about Hazel’s loss, pain, and/or fear. Simon’s inability to provide support or empathy towards Hazel, not two episodes after Grace shows sympathy towards Simon’s traumatic relapse over losing his past “null” partner, is telling. Simon’s pain is based on what he believed to be his past partner’s betrayal and abandonment, which partly explains why he doesn’t trust nulls, but he also weaponizes his pain and trauma, wielding it the very ways abusers often do: guilt trips, passive-aggressive behaviors, snide and unsympathetic remarks (“I got through it, you should be able to, too” – never mind that no, Simon clearly has not “got through it”.)

Simon’s more committed belief into the “real conductor” narrative suggests he copes with trauma through this belief structure (and also by pouring a deep amount of meaning and vulnerability into a quasi-romantic pursuit of Grace’s heart). Other people who interfere with either of those two things are automatic threats, and ultimately disposable. It explains why when Simon sees the memory of Grace telling Hazel to keep her secret under wraps, to keep it from Simon, he doesn’t see the raw threat of real violence he has become, but the victim of some kind of audacious conspiracy against him, particularly from the person he loves.

Simon discovers the ability to “see” this memory by returning to Samantha and asking for help (Samantha possesses keener insights and access to the machinations of the train than most denizens). An uneasy, fraught alliance between them occurs when Samantha explains her past actions; while not ideal, at least had a reason. Simon asks her “why” Grace is shutting him out, but it’s remarkable how he literally can’t see–or refuses to see–the obvious: he “wheeled” someone, he terrorizes their new ward, his aggressive behavior, once proudly thrown at the nulls and worlds around him, has turned towards the one person he supposedly cares about. He’s become dangerous, but can’t grasp why people would be scared of him.

It’s the ultimate in abuser mentality. It was always burgeoning in him: a white, male nerd-type (he is introduced painting figurines and writing a fantasy novel), epitomized in his ability to manipulate his own emotions and then callously kill Tuba. Simon’s surging toxic sense of masculine control builds in a slow-moving trainwreck manner: he’s made vulnerable when he sees his original betrayer (so he thinks), he challenges himself with a unnecessary wager (“I bet I can take Tuba”), faking new found affection for her until the point he can finish her off, and when not provided with the praise he thinks he deserves, believes everyone else is wrong to react this way. Amelia’s presence (the human who once took over the train but now finds herself wandering about to try and “fix” things to make amends), destroys his entire belief structure behind the false and true conductors, specifically, the very point of the numbers. “Numbers are power,” Simon says, ruefully. “Numbers are numbers,” Samantha shoots back, calmly. But to Simon, that can’t be. Simon is humiliated, but Grace is scared. That line about men’s biggest fear is being laughed at and women’s biggest fear is being killed? It feels apt.

Watching Simon become more hostile is difficult, but at the very least, Hazel is able to escape, leaving with Amelia to learn about herself. Grace is clearly hurt, but like with Hazel, Simon doesn’t understand why. And so he gets “grabby,” in the kind of possessive, jaw-dropping, cringey way that signals instant trouble. He snatches and pulls at her arm in one deeply dark moment; in the next episode, he shakes her by grabbing at her shoulders. The following episode, he callously tries to grab at her shoulder again for her attention, and this is the point where Grace swats his hand away and unloads on him. The argument is cut short though when Simon attacks her with her own memories, a sort of specific, literal type of gaslighting that nevertheless Grace manages to overcome (“So my memories are real until you don’t like them, then they’re fake?” Grace shoots at Simon at one point during the memory venture).

Yet here is where my singular criticism of this season occurs. Grace relives both her distant and recent past and the show portrays Grace’s behavior and actions as personal fears of self-honesty instead of inherited techniques and actions to minimize and avoid Simon’s abusive reactions. Grace is far from infallible: her manipulations were self-serving early on, but she also recognized Simon as a threat at some level, so to portray this as a failing, even a little, feels disingenuous. Simon was kicking and punching at Amelia just one episode earlier, and it was a sound waves shield that protected the viewer from what very much would have been brutal. Grace was protecting all the parties involved to the best of her ability and to the best of her understanding of everything that she learned up until this point.

The final episode does address this, somewhat. Grace returns to Apex HQ a new, honest, introspective person (her number has shrunk considerably). But she finds herself at odds with the entire Apex crew, manipulated by Simon against her. They almost “wheel” her, but the Apex crew is mostly children, so they demure. But Simon confronts Grace with the uncontrolled anger he cultivated all this time. He says the words that all abusers say: “You made me do this,” attempting to force Grace to apologize for doing the very things she needed to do to ensure her and Hazel’s survival. Powerfully, Grace does say that while she made mistakes, the choices she made to lie to Simon to protect Hazel were not among them, and she stands by those, even when directly confronted with Simon at his most dangerous. She also refuses to apologize for Simon’s pain and conflicting emotional/violence state. Those two beats should have hit a bit harder though. This narrative beat emphasized what those moments for Grace really meant, not just for her, but as a broader response to the ways in which abusers justify their abuse.

Simon and Grace fight, and their battle is up-close and personal. Grace bests Simon but still saves him from being wheeled, but in the season’s most shocking moment, he pushes Grace off the train anyway. Grace, miraculously (and somewhat randomly, as it’s not common for random train denizens to leave their train worlds) is saved by a few nulls she helped restore to life; Simon, his number so high that it covers his entire face and body, is killed by a monstrous bug-creature that lives outside the wastelands that surround the train.. Grace, a changed woman whose number is now much lower than where it was when we are first introduced to her, tells her young Apex wards to seek out their own unique, special truths, and work to be better people so they themselves can be free.

Infinity Train’s greatness stems from its ability to open up its characters in the kind of ways that a lot of weighty, rich shows these days can do, like Bojack Horseman and Steven Universe, but it also possesses an inherent flaw that the writers are actually utilizing as a narrative crutch in rich, clever ways. From the question of how its train worlds portray and think of its denizens, to the question of whether the train’s purpose is genuinely beneficial, Infinity Train makes the argument that maybe it’s not.

One-One, in past seasons, fixates on the humans’ pain, trauma, and problems as algorithms, as numbers that need to be solved. But as the Apex, Simon, and Grace showed, humans are messy, complex beings that can disrupt any premise or belief or narrative to justify their behavior and actions. Simon, prior to his final fight, yells to Grace, “Why would I ever want to change, when I’m always right!?” Trauma, pain, and abuse cannot always be solved with whimsy. One of the last shots of the season has Grace crying over Simon’s body. An Apex member places his hand on her shoulder. Perhaps an honest connection like that is truly what’s needed to be better people.

Infinity Train is available to stream on HBO Max now.

The post Infinity Train and Manifestations of Trauma and Abuse appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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diningpageantry · 5 years

Text

Nemesis

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16979847

Word Count: 2040

Summary: Simon and Baz work at opposing coffee shops with a little more than your typical rivalry against each other. (POV Simon)

Carry On Countdown 2018 Day 19: Coffee Shop AU

“Oh will you stop teasing each other? Fucking hell.” The toothbrush nearly falls from my hand, head spinning to look at Penny leaning against the doorframe. Part of me resists claiming that I’m not ‘teasing’ him; I’d just told her through a frothy mouthful that I’d written his name as ‘Bass’ again today, and now she has the bollocks to tell me that we’re flirting?

“We’re not flirting, Penn,” I mumble, taking the brush out for a moment before jabbing it back into my mouth and scrubbing. I’m looking in the mirror when she responds, only seeing the back of her head, but by her gesture I can tell she’s got some sort of feeling here.

She snorts, raising her hands in the air. “You said flirting, not me.”

I roll my eyes, scrubbing my mouth for a solid 15 more seconds before spitting out a mouthful of soft green foam and rinsing my mouth, turning to Penny and pointing a finger at her. “We are not flirting. He’s practically my nemesis; why the hell would I flirt with my nemesis?”

A loud snort comes from her throat. “I think nemesis is a tad of an over exaggeration. You work at opposing shops, it isn’t like he killed your first born.”

Twisting the cap off the mouthwash, I roll my eyes and let out a “not yet” under my breath. That deserves me a solid pinch on the arm.

And like that, she disappears into her room and leaves me here to sulk, staring into my eyes through the bathroom mirror, cheeks full of burning rinse. I gargle, then spit, eyes locked down on the drain as I flick the water back on and brush it over my lips, then splash it in a wave over my face. Once, twice, then grab a towel and pat myself dry.

I don’t know why I agreed to go to this party knowing that he’ll be there.

All six feet (and maybe a few odd inches), perfect hair, flawless cheekbones and eyebrows and bloody fucking eyes and pretty much the rest of his god awful face of him.

All his fucking sharp dressing, condescending, “I’m-Better-Than-You-Because-I-Shop-Local”, leather wearing, sports car driving, posh accent-having of him.

Basilton fucking Pitch is gonna waltz right up to the party, probably his fucking henchmen at his sides because that’s what they are; he’s practically a supervillain. If you caught Basilton Pitch in a dark room with a spotlight in a turned around armchair, I can nearly guarantee that it’d spin around with him stroking a white, longhaired cat and you’d be like “Well fuck, this is where he belongs”. Even the name sounds like he’s got a master plan to destroy you (or maybe just steal your fucking customers by guiltripping them into thinking that by going chain for anything is killing local businesses). I need tips, too, and not all of us have rich fathers at home who can pay for what benefits cover instead of shitty corporate options.

Standing in front of my mirror, I scan over my sad excuse for a party outfit. I feel like a fucking fool whenever I’m next to him. It’s probably because he wears ridiculous button downs that don’t even have breast pockets somehow while I stand next to him in a 1970s nike tee that I found in a thrift shop dollar bin.

I grab a hoodie as I step out of the bathroom, throwing it on while patting around for my wallet and phone.

It feels like Penny’s practically dragging me there. Honestly, I have no idea whose party this is; shit, all I know is that Baz is gonna be there. Even when I asked Penn, she was vague about every part of it. “Oh, the host’s someone I met in a baseline Business Writing course.” When I’d asked what the hell ‘business writing’ even entails, I ended up bored and tuned her out after hearing ‘grant writing’ and ‘sponsorship proposals’.

You’d think that a student who takes ‘Business Writing’ wouldn’t be so popular, but here we are, a crowded one bedroom, one bath flat ten minutes from campus filled with the reek of spilt beer and hot from people’s continuous breathing.

It takes me nearly five minutes to actually get to the alcohol, and once I get there, I just grab a beer and start chugging.

Add a few shots, maybe one more beer, then definitely another shot or two and I’m completely smashed, eating half a pizza slice in one bite as I sway to the music blasting on the speaker by my ankle. I think it’s Whitney Houston, or Kesha. I can’t remember.

And there he fucking is, across the room with his head leaned back against the wall all coolly. His hair’s knotted up in some bun, and his eyes are shut. You’d probably mistake him as sleeping upright, somehow in full fucking control of his body (honestly, wouldn’t put it past him), but instead he’s got a slight nodding to the music going. He’s got a drink in hand, mostly finished.

I don’t realize my feet have been taking me to him until I’m staring close enough that I can count the eyebrows on his forehead, then he snaps his eyes open to me. Immediately, his lips pull down into a snarl and his gaze narrows in on me. “Snow.”

My jaw hangs open as I squint at him and slur a “Basilton”, trying not to lean forward and topple myself over. My feet steady on the floor, a little too far apart for a normal pose, but I guess I could be preparing for a physical brawl.

He sticks his nose up at me, slowly raising his cup to his lips and sipping with unfair grace. As he pulls away, his lip’s shiny and dripping a tad. Clearly he's fucking pissed and didn’t catch the last drop . My first thought is to lick it up, but then I trickly try to snap away from it.

I want to ask myself why I'd want to lick that up, but that’s a loaded question and I don't think I can even think in “real” sentences right now.

“Who invited you?” I half taunt, raising my eyebrows to him. I’m trying to be intimidating, but it’s failing miserably. In return, he’s just making a deeply offended face and retorts back.

“It’s an open party; I had a class with Megan. And Dev fancies her.” His head tilts slowly to the side as he talks, eyes resting boldly on mine. He rarely seems to break eye contact, making me squirm under his intense gaze.

I snort, raising my eyebrows to him in a very Baz-manner to mock him. “Good thing you’ve got classes; can’t stay making shit lattes all your days.”

He just laughs back; shortly, all in my face (granted, we’re practically in breathing room). “At least I have a future beyond barista tips, Snow.”

“Funny, you talk all up about your fuckin… free… range… beans… then look at you, eh? Economics major, dickwad.”

“I’m no fucking capitalist,” he spits, sneering down at me. I think I’ve leaned closer, because I can see the close details of the recently shaved smoothness of his chin. “You work low wages for a large company without good benefits, you’re fucking bold.”

“I’ve got benefits! Loads!” I call out, waving my arms to the side. My beer sloshes in my hand, spilling a bit onto the carpet. I disregard it, feet stumbling forward. “I’ve got plenty of customers too, since they can read our fucking menu.”

He gasps this time. Genuinely, outright gasps in the meanest way I’ve ever heard anybody fucking gasp, staring at me and looking borderline hurt. “My cursive is exquisite, you uncultured heathen.”

I smile with my entire face, wrinkling my nose up at him. “I don’t scare away my customers though, mister big fuckin cranium! And see! I can speak in big fucking words, arsehole.”

Now he looks more confused than anything, squinting at me as his jaw hangs open and eyebrows knit together. He blinks, squinting further. “You… are quite possibly one of the most pea-brained people I’ve ever encountered,” he laughs square into my face. I think our noses are touching. “Do you think about the words as they leave your mouth? It’d be a goddamn miracle if they even went through any critical thinking process!”

“I’m fucking loveable,” I hit back, head swaying a bit as I talk (or maybe just tilting? Leaning? What the fuck is happening?) “Everyone thinks I’m a ball of fucking love, bitch.”

“You’re more than insufferable, that’s what you are,” he breathes into me.

Then, what feels like out of nowhere (or perhaps it isn't), I’m pushing him against the wall. His mouth’s against mine, and he tastes like the poorly mixed drinks he’s probably been downing all night. Vodka, spiced rum, sugary juices and lemon lime fizzy. I don’t think the taste matters much, though. I don’t think anything really matters much, frankly, because he’s currently spilling the rest of his drink down my back as he wraps his arms around my neck and hauls me closer. I couldn’t care less. I’m on my tiptoes, snogging the life out of him in the middle of this party (I want to take him home and see how he's look below me). He’s leaning down, kissing me back like I’m worth all the air in his lungs (seriously, I need him in my bed now.)

Seems like he’s got the same thought on his mind because the hand on my back keeps tugging my tee, taking fistfuls and just holding me towards him, not letting me go (I might not fully know what I’m doing, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a mistake).

It isn’t until Penny finds us, tugging my shoulder away from Baz and starting to pull me back from him. He lets out a whine, eyes wide as I’m dragged off and Penny shoves herself between us. “You are trashed,” she accuses, poking a finger at my chest before swivelling to Baz. “You are trashed too.” She glances between us then huffs. “Give me your phone.”

“Fuck you, Bunce, I was in the middle of something” Baz mumbles, dragging his phone out and slapping into her palm. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody with the balls to say that to her. Fuck it, I was that something was in the middle of, but she just looks like she has some sort of feeling (I don’t really know, she’s complicated and usually she says a lot of words that I don’t entirely get and the musics really loud and god I need to pee). While I'm struggling to figure out the situation with my lips not attached to Baz's, Penn types something into the phone and shoves it back into his hands.

“Dial his number in the morning. If you dare fucking ghost him, I'll show up to your flat with a knife and I'll make a handbag out of your skin,” she says flatly, grabbing me by my wrist and dragging me out as I’m complaining loudly. She doesn’t stop dragging me until we’re back to the flat.

After probably the best piss of my life, I find her waiting in the hall with her arms crossed, looking awfully pleased with herself.

I groan, rubbing my face as I practically stagger in place, giggling to the spinning motion of the room. “I wasn’t making a mistake, Penn,” I mumble, rubbing my face as my shoulder leans against the wall (it’s an awfully tight hallway).

“I know, Si,” she says, tutting as she opens my bedroom door for me. “Just get some sleep; you’re going to have to actually use your brain tomorrow and figure wherever the fuck that was..”

“I was snogging,” I mumble. “That's all.”

“With Baz?”

I shrug, smiling at the memory of his lips against mine. Penn just scoffs behind (beside?) me.

“You're gonna have to talk to him, Si.”

I groan again, this time much louder, hitting the pillow and nuzzling into it immediately. “Mmmm I hate that.”

“I know, I know. Goodnight, Simon.”

“Mmmhmm nighty nighttime, Penny.”

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angellightwood-bane-blog · 5 years

Text

What Lurks In The Dark // Alec Lightwood X OC

Disclaimer - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six

Chapter Seven - Awake

Simon and Jace stumbled forward, Alec shouting for help and Isabelle ran off to find a medic. I was at the point of gasping for air and my head pounded like nothing I'd ever felt before, pleading for oxygen.

"Over here! Put her over here!" A voice I didn't recognise - or couldn't identify in my state - called. I felt myself being dragged forward before being laid down on a cold table. I felt hands pressing different areas of my chest while a new wave of blood sprayed from my mouth.

"She has a punctured lung caused by on of four broken ribs, her lungs are flooded, possible skull fracture and internal bleeding. We need to operate before her healing runes can be used effectively - now!" The world seemed to move around me and faces jumped in and out of my vision as the table I was on was wheeled down the corridor. Jace, Clary, Isabelle, Alec, Simon, Clary, Isabelle, Jace, Simon, Alec. Everybody was talking to me, but I could no longer hear the words coming from their moving mouths. The last thing I saw was the bright white ceiling of the operating room before everything fell into darkness.

I could feel weight on one side of the bed I was in. Realising someone was holding my hand and I felt my fingers twitch.

"Bre? Breeanna? Can you hear me?" I squeezed the hand that I was holding to tell them yes.

"Come on, come on open your eyes." At first the light was so overwhelming to my senses that I couldn't make out anything. After blinking a few times, I could distinguish colours and shapes and I realised that there was a head of blonde hair, looking down at me.

"Jace?" My voice came out cracked and my words were slurred but the head started to nod and after a few more seconds of blurry vision, Jace's face became clear.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you to wake up obviously," He rolled his eyes, but I could see his smile was gentle and he was genuinely worried.

"Dude what happened?" I asked, trying to wiggle my way up. Jace helped me into a sitting position before he replied.

"You saved Alec's life," He whispered,

"And nearly died."

"Is Alec okay?" I asked, looking down at my hands. Jace let out a strained laugh,

"I tell you that you nearly just died and you're asking if he's okay? My God." He looked down at me realising I was still looking at him expectantly and he cleared his throat,

"Yes, he's okay," He assured me.

"And Clary? Isabelle? What about Simon? Is he okay?"

"Yes- yes- they're all fine calm down," Jace said, holding his hands up.

"And you?" he nodded again. I let out a sigh and fell back against my pillows, remembering what I had been meaning to talk to him about.

"I know that my mom was part of the Circle, and I know they killed your father, and I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for that." He offered me a small smile and squeezed my hand,

"You really are something else you know that?" he chuckled. putting a more serious look on he said,

"You had me so worried, I thought we were going to lose you."

"Why? Don't you care that I'm the daughter of the enemy?" I asked half-heartedly.

"Not at all, Bre you're my little sister now." I grinned,

"Yeah because you love Clary," I teased. He snorted, but looked me in the eye again,

"and if you're talking about Alec... he doesn't really think that. He was really worried-”

“Because he feels guilty is all, he would rather be rid of me and Clary," I mumbled. Jace sighed,

"That's not true Bre, you should have seen him, he was a wreck." I couldn't bring myself to believe him and so just shook my head, finding arguing futile.

"Just... all that matters is that everyone is okay, you're sure that you’re not sugar-coating anything? Izzy, my sister, Simon," Jace was nodding along,

"...Alec? They're really okay?"

"I'm okay." I snapped my head to the direction of the voice so fast that I may as well have given myself whiplash. Alec was leaning against my doorframe, arms folded. He gestured forward,

"Can I come in?" I shrugged, and he took it as a yes, walking over to me. Jace shot me a look that said he cares, be nice, before getting up, allowing Alec to take his place on my bed. Jace walked out the door and the room fell silent for a few seconds. I tried to avoid Alec's gaze, but it was very difficult.

"Breeanna, I'm so sorry," Alec's voice cracked a little and I made eye contact with him for the first time since I'd snapped at him in the tunnel.

"I never meant for any of this," he waved his hand over my body,

"to happen."

"If you're only here because you feel guilty, then you can go," I said quietly, looking down at my fidgeting hands. Alec placed a hand over both of mine, bringing my attention back up to him.

"Of course, I feel guilty, you almost lost your life trying to save mine. After everything I said about you, accused you of, I know you overheard Jace and I talking, even then, you still risked yourself for me. Breeanna, when I thought you were going to die, I didn't think I would be able to live with myself, knowing what you did in spite of the way I treated you. Of course, I don't think you're working with Valentine, you couldn't possibly be. I'm so, so sorry," Alec sounded so genuine. Hesitantly, he wrapped his hand around mine, taking hold of it. I let him.

"It's okay," I whispered, my voice still scratchy.

"No, it's not," he replied, hanging his head with shame,

"But still, I'm sorry."

"Alec." He didn't look up.

"Hey," I brought his hand up, wrapping both my small ones around it, holding it to my chest. Alec looked up, into my eyes and I whispered,

"I forgive you, but you need to forgive yourself too. You were just protecting your family and I can't hold that against you. I'll be fine, so you can't dwell on this." Alec looked as if he didn't know whether to smile or cry.

"What did we do to deserve someone like you, Breeanna?" He gently pulled me forward into a tight hug, and I sighed into his shoulder, rubbing his back,

"What are we going to do with ourselves hey?"

"Alec, Jace told me to come and get you, he thinks he has a lead on the Mortal Cup," Isabelle raced into the room. Alec slowly pulled away from me and looked at Isabelle who now wore wide eyes and an apologetic look. Alec looked back at me and I nodded indicating that he should go. He quietly whispered,

"Thank you," kissed the top of my head and left, with a very confused Isabelle following. I decided that I couldn't lie around in bed all day and so I got dressed into some fresh clothes and shakily made my way downstairs. I was certainly feeling better; I was just a little sore - as was expected after nearly dying and all. I caught Clary and Simon on the stairs down to the op centre.

"...Can't keep me prisoner here," Simon was saying.

"Prisoner? Wait, what Simon! Where are you going?" Clary grabbed his arm.

"I'm going home, Clary, and if you haven't already completely drunk their Kool-Aid, then you're coming with me," Simon replied.

"You know I can't," Clary said.

"Yes, you can, it's not safe here," he insisted. Jace stepped out of the elevator in the entrance hall and blocked the doorway with his arms crossed.

"In fact, this is the safest place she could possibly be." Simon was having none of it though, pointing a finger at Jace,

"You don't get to talk to me, Captain America."

"Considering I'm the guy with the weapons, I pretty much get to say what I want."

"Okay, come at me, bro!" Simon took a step towards him.

"Oh, yeah?" Jace snorted.

"Yeah!" Simon made for Jace, but Clary got in front of him, pushing him back.

"Hey, what is your problem?" She demanded.

"He's my problem!" He pointed at Jace again,

"He's just like Kirk Duplesse from high school. Do you remember him? Total jerk with the square jaw, smelled like body spray, always bullying people." He looked at Jace over Clary's shoulder and shouted,

"Why don't you do your own homework? Just once, yeah?" Then to Clary he added through gritted teeth,

"I can take care of myself." Simon walked around both Clary and Jace, heading straight for the door. Clary turned to look expectantly at Jace who furrowed his eyebrows,

"I'm not saving his ass a second time." Clary ran after Simon, and Jace caught sight of me on the stairs. He jogged over,

"Woah there, you should be in bed." I waved him off,

"I'm fine, operated on and rune-healed. Isabelle said you have a lead on the Mortal Cup?" Jace nodded and walked me over to a table in front of one of many large screens. Alec and Isabelle were already there, and Alec raised an eyebrow at me as if asking whether I should be out of bed, and I just shrugged in return, offering a sheepish grin. Clary joined us with a disheartened look on her face,

"Simon's gone."

"But Bre is back, she's fine by the way," Alec snapped, Clary look startled and looked to me to defend her, but I shrugged again and turned to the screen.

"So, Magnus Bane?" I asked. Hodge started the run down, flicking through some pictures on the screen,

"He's over 300 years old and, as you can see, he's not exactly shied away from the pleasures of every century. His tastes are both exquisite and quite excessive. Now, Magnus is one of the most powerful warlocks I've ever known. He has a deep mistrust of Shadowhunters."

"Well, then why did he help my mom remove my memories? Isn't she a Shadowhunter?" Clary asked.

"Bree’s memories too," Jace added, giving Clary a pointed look.

"Yes, one of the best - but help might not be the most accurate word," Hodge answered.

"Now, did Magnus provide a service for Jocelyn? Perhaps. But more than likely, your mother paid Magnus handsomely for his magic." Jace added,

"Warlocks usually require payment before they help anyone with anything."

"Word from the Clave is that most of the warlocks have gone into hiding since Valentine began hunting them," Alec informed the group.

"Valentine must be searching for the warlock, who aided Jocelyn-" Hodge seemed to choke and inhaled deeply through the pain of his burning rune.

"So how do we find Magnus?" Clary asked, ignoring the man in pain in front of her.

“Hodge!” I placed a hand on his arm, silently asking if he was ok.

"We don't. Magnus finds us. We'll set up a meeting, somewhere protected. Lure him out of hiding," Jace replied while I continued to rub Hodge's arm. He shot me a grateful smile just as Isabelle added to Jace's response with a smirk.

"And I know exactly where we do it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm late, I know

Hope you enjoy my Lovelies.

-Angel

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humansunshineao3 · 6 years

Text

“Do you do gin martinis?” Alec asked the bartender before he was even fully perched on the stool.

The bartender narrowed their dark, inquisitive eyes, tilting their head to the side. “Aren’t you that fancy shadowhunter boss?”

Alec scratched the back of his neck. “If by fancy shadowhunter boss you mean head of the institute, then yes.” He answered.

“Magnus’ boyfriend?” They pointed at him with a wink.

“Yep,” Alec smiled tightly. “Any chance of that drink?”

“Sure! I’m Maia, by the way. I’m dating Simon Lewis, the daylighter.”

Alec ahh-ed softly, nodding. “Right. Sorry, I’m not great with faces. You’re part of Luke’s pack, right?”

“That’s me. You’re Jace’s parabatai.” Maia smirked, “honestly I don’t know how you’re still standing. That guy is the most arrogant brat in New York.”

“Oh, I know that better than anybody,” Alec chuckled, watching as Maia mixed his martini.

“So what brings you to the Hunter’s Moon… Alex?” Maia’s voice went up in pitch at the end of their sentence, and Alec smiled.

“Alec,” he corrected them.

“Right, sorry. Alec.”

Alec sighed, wringing his hands together where they rested on the bar. “Just needed to get away from everyone for a while, think some things through. Get a little drunk, maybe.”

“Tough day at the office?” Maia sympathised, popping an olive into the martini glass and putting it in front of the shadowhunter.

“Relationship stuff,” Alec answered, a little reluctantly.

Maia hummed, “we’ve all been there.”

“It’s not even something I can apologise for,” Alec tutted, picking up his cocktail and swirling the olive around with slow circles of his wrist. “Usually when we fight, I did something stupid that I can just say sorry for and then it’s all okay.”

“Did Magnus do something?” Maia asked curiously, shoving a dishcloth into a tall glass to clean it out.

“No!” Alec insisted, taking a sip. “No, nothing like that. It’s… Well, alright, you might be able to relate. You’re dating Simon, right? So does it bother you that you’re going to grow old and die and Simon will have to put up with you when you’re old, and then when you die, he’s gonna have to just… Deal with it?”

Maia pursed their lips. “Huh. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, me and Simon have been together all of five minutes. And… I guess it kind of sucks. But, hey, what’s the alternative? Break up with him? Hope he dies?”

“I don’t know, that’s the problem,” Alec sighed, running his hand through his hair. “It’s not like I’d ever want him to age and wither, I want him to be young and happy forever, but… I wanna be there with him, you know?”

“Then… Do that…” Maia chuckled, looking at him like the answer was obvious.

Alec snorted into his cocktail, “yeah, right. Become immortal. Of course, I’ll just become immortal.”

“Why not?”

“Well, because it’s impossible, for starters.” Alec pointed out.

Maia rolled their eyes. “Vampires are a thing.”

“Izzy couldn’t cope with that,” Alec sighed. There was no way he’d be able to be around Izzy as much as he was if he was turned; he wouldn’t want to put her in that kind of position. “Besides, it would mean I wouldn’t be a shadowhunter anymore.”

“And that would be a bad thing because…? Think about it, Alec. You know better than most boneheaded shadowhunters that the Clave is garbage, I’ve heard Luke talk about you. You could give them a lifetimes’ worth of work, still be young and full of energy, and then retire into a happily ever after with the man of your dreams? Remind me where the downside is here, Izzy aside.”

Alec jutted his lower lip out, thinking about it. “I don’t think a shadowhunter’s ever retired before.”

“Well, no shadowhunter ever tongued a warlock’s mouth in front of Clave officials either.” Maia snorted, “you’re a trailblazer.”

“Don’t cheapen it, it was a beautiful romantic gesture,” Alec grumbled teasingly, “and how does everyone know about that, did Simon film it on his phone or something?”

Maia grinned. “When a shadowhunter, especially a high ranking one, shows that he cares about downworlders like you did, world travels fast. Besides, Magnus is infamous, and it’s hot gossip that he settled down with the head of the institute. I heard about you before I even met Simon.”

Alec hummed, finishing off his drink. “That’s a lot of pressure.”

“You and Magnus will be fine. Think of it this way. Your biggest problem right now is that you love each other so much that the thought of being torn apart by time is hurting you. There are worse problems to have.” Maia assured him. “You want another?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Alec thought about their words for a moment. “The other thing is, Magnus wasn’t even ready to move in together. If I, theoretically, was thinking about looking into immortality… I don’t want to freak him out. He is right; we’ve only been dating for a couple of months. I mean I know he’s it for me, but… Like… How deeply can a 400 year old fall in just a couple of weeks?”

Maia rolled their eyes. “You know how many times Magnus sat in that exact seat and gushed about a tall, handsome shadowhunter with great hair who was definitely never going to give him the time of day? For like, months? Alec, sweetie,” they put a new martini in front of him and squeezed his hand. “I know this is difficult for you to wrap your head around, but you’re smoking hot and, from what I hear, a genuinely good guy. Magnus has been into you for almost a year. He’s in this. Everyone knows it.”

“He… Gushed?”

“Like a teenager,” Maia confirmed. “Every time I’d be like ‘how’s work?’ and then his eyes would do that big sparkly thing they do and he’d be like ‘oh, fine, I had to help the shadowhunters again. Alexander was wearing this rather fetching blah blah blah’ and the next thing I knew I’d have a run down of every endearing little gesture that you did that day. It would have been annoying if it wasn’t so fucking cute.”

Alec smiled slightly, resting his elbows on the bar. “I had no idea. He always seemed so calm around me.”

“He has an excellent poker face,” Maia agreed, “he was in here just a few weeks ago, holding that little charm thing you have him, talking about how nice it was to be with someone who valued him enough to buy him things.”

“He always seems so surprised when I spend money on him,” Alec sighed, shaking his head. “You know, I can’t fathom these people who he’s been with before who made him feel like he wasn’t worth it. How the fuck do you look at that man and not think ‘I would give you the entire world if I could.’ Like… How? It’s just… I don’t get it. He’s perfect.”

Maia shrugged. “I feel the same way about Simon. He’s so… Humble. He has no idea how hot he is, he has literally no ego, and, like, I love that about him. I do. But I just don’t understand how he could go through life looking like that and not get a big head from people telling him he’s wonderful. I…” Maia pressed their lips together. “I don’t know how Clary ever let him go for Jace.”

“Fucking hell, don’t get me started on Clary and Jace.” Alec grunted, downing the rest of his martini.

“Clary’s cute as hell and she seems nice enough, but… Picking Jace? Over Simon? Is she, like, okay?”

“I have no idea. I just… I don’t get it. I mean, I’m glad, in a way, because you and Simon… I can see it. You have similar…” Alec smiled. “You both get this passionate glint in your eyes when talking about romance. It’s nice.”

Maia ducked their head, their dimples peeking out at the compliment. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean, don’t get me wrong, Simon can be irritating but he’s a good egg. I always thought that he was naive and overly optimistic, but honestly? The fact that he’s still exactly the same person now as he was before he was turned? After everything? I have to admit, that takes strength that I didn’t know he had.”

“I know,” Maia sighed, shaking their head. “He’s just so good. You know what I mean? Like, I don’t know if you heard, but the Seelie Queen’s given him this new power. And he could use it to gain power or take out his enemies, but… He’s spending all of his time and effort into figuring out how to get rid of it. I really don’t know what I did to deserve him, but… Fuck. I’m not going to let him go, I know that much.”

Alec smiled faintly, his eyes fond. “That’s nice.”

“Shit, you won’t go and tell the Clave about Simon’s new power, will you? We’ve got it under control, I promise.”

Alec held up his hand. “Relax, Maia. As long as Simon’s not hurting mundanes, it’s no business of mine. I’m glad he’s got you looking out for him, though. There’s not much I can do to protect him from the Seelie Queen.”

“There’s not much anyone can do,” Maia sighed, putting another martini down in front of Alec. “She’s a crazy bitch with way too much power.”

“I can’t be heard agreeing to that,” Alec said, looking at Maia meaningfully.

“Oh, of course not, Mr Head of the Institute.” Maia laughed.

Alec grinned. “Why haven’t we ever talked before? I like you. You have common sense. And that is surprisingly rare in our little… Social circle.”

“Tell me about it,” Maia hummed, “no-one told me you were, like… Down to Earth. I always assumed you were old but in a young man’s body. Look at you, drinking martinis to numb your relationship anxieties. You really are a millenial.”

Alec chuckled, raising his glass to her. “Just because I’m a snotty bastard doesn’t mean I don’t like to drink.”

“Listen, compared to just about every other shadowhunter I’ve ever met, you’re a dreamboat.”

“You’re just saying that because I’m going to tip you later.”

Maia put their hand to their chest in faux outrage. “Why, Mr Lightwood, I would never try to manipulate my customers. But to answer your question, I don’t know. I guess we both avoid Clary and Jace so much we accidentally avoid each other as well.”

“That sounds about right,” Alec groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Those two have given me so many headaches over the last couple of weeks, I have literally no idea what’s going on with them.”

“Probably some fake sibling drama,” Maia rolled their eyes, “which, if you ask me, they recovered from way too quickly.”

“Right?!” Alec gasped.

“It’s weird, man, I don’t get it.”

Alec rested his elbow on the bar and his chin on his hand. “They’re alright, really. When they’re not together. I can almost get some sense out of them when they’re apart, but when they put those strange little heterosexual brains together, I swear, disaster always follows.”

“Strange heterosexual brains,” Maia cackled, clapping their hands. “Excellent.”

“No offense.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Maia waved it away, “I’m not straight, are you kidding?”

Alec sniffed, looking them up and down. “I suspected as much. You dress too well to be straight.”

“Ouch! Wow, you’re a real bitch when you drink, huh? Remind me to make the next one stronger, I love this side of you.”

Alec gave them a finger gun gesture he’d seen Simon do once, which made them laugh. It was a nice sound, and it made Alec feel at ease. “I think I’m gonna have to come and get drunk here every week, you know how long I’ve been waiting to meet someone who’s just as done with Jace and Clary as I am?! Months, Maia! Months!”

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” Maia assured him. “You’re good company. Monday nights are always quiet, and I always work them. Come and hang out whenever.”

“Mondays. Right. Oh! That’s perfect! Magnus and I have Martini Mondays, and we can just come here instead of having them at home!”

Maia tutted at him. “Well, that won’t do. If Magnus is here how are you supposed to wax lyrical about him?”

“Are you new?!” Alec exclaimed, eyebrows furrowed. “I wax lyrical to him all the time. Like aaaaall the time.”

“Oh my God, you guys are so cute. I can’t.” Maia sighed. “If I wasn’t equally as smitten with Simon, I’d find it annoying.”

“We should double date!” Alec insisted, slamming his hand down on the bar. “Yeah, yeah, dinner and cocktails, and blood and shit, you know, at Magnus’. Wow, Simon can be our token straight friend! It’ll be great!”

Maia squinted at Alec. “You think Simon’s straight?!”

Alec squinted back at them for a moment. “How did I not clock that? Am I slipping?”

Maia giggled, and Alec grinned at them.

“Well, even better. A strictly rainbow dinner party. We’ll get super drunk, and, I don’t know… What’s a gay thing to do?”

“Rate the cakes from Great British Bake Off?” Maia suggested, and Alec snapped his fingers, pointing at them.

“Yes! Perfect! God, we make such a good team!” Alec insisted, wiggling his finger. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna give you a job. I’m gonna promote you above Jace just to piss him off, let’s just become parabatai, man, it’ll be great.”

Maia watched Alec give his little monologue, totally bemused by how quickly the alcohol had hit him. “Sweetie, I’m not a shadowhunter, remember?”

“Nah, it’ll be fine!” Alec said in a high pitched voice. “My Mom’s not a shadowhunter either but she’s still fucking cool. Like, she’s so cool. I never thought she’d be cool, you know what I mean? She hugged Magnus, Maia. Right like it was nothing. It was fucking weird. But so, so cool.”

“That’s great, Alec…”

“I don’t have Mommy issues though. Like, at all. I know it’s a thing, like, that people think gay guys have Mommy issues, but I don’t! I mean if anything I have Da-”

“Okay! I think we’ve had enough of these for one night!” Maia laughed, plucking the martini glass out from in front of him.

Alec looked at them with mournful eyes. “I’m not that drunk.”

“Mmmmhm, sure, sweetie. Sure. Let’s call you a cab. Magnus will be endlessly amused with you like this.” Maia teased, reaching for the phone behind the bar.

“Magnus will tease me,” Alec whined, “you can’t tell him I’m drunk. I only had like four martinis.”

“Two and a half, actually.”

“Shhhh!” Alec hissed, waving his hand at them. “We’re best friends, you can’t do this to me.”

Maia giggled, and dialled Magnus’ number, ignoring the way Alec let his forehead fall to the surface of the bar.

“Hello?” Magnus asked.

“Hey, Magnus, it’s Maia, from the Hunter’s Moon. I have a very drunk, very soft and fuzzy shadowhunter here who I think you might know.” They told him, and Magnus chuckled.

“Send him home in a cab, I’ll wait for him outside. Thanks for looking out for him, Maia.”

“No worries. He’s been good company, actually.” Maia admitted, looking fondly at the shadowhunter, who’d started dozing right there on the bar.

#maia roberts #alec lightwood #malec #saia #shadowhunters fanfic #can we please make this canon #writing #content #when are the sh showrunners gonna hire me huh

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girlonfilmmovies · 4 years

Text

The Top 25 Films of 2019

25: Shadow (dir. Zhang Yimou)

"Without the real, there can be no shadow. A principle no one's understood."

After a string of terrible films trying to play to Hollywood audiences, Zhang Yimou manages to successfully return to the goldmine he stuck in the early 2000s and craft another absolutely gorgeous wuxia. Here he swaps out the poetic, colorful beauty in favor of monochromatic, surprisingly violent tone poem about deceit. It ultimately works against it, as by the seventh or eighth double cross you kind of just give up trying to figure out who's on what side, but the main action setpiece is so wonderful it deserves a spot for that alone. Hopefully a good sign for Yimou's future, as long as we don't have another nationalist war epic that somehow inexplicably also has a white savior narrative too.

24: Climax (dir. Gaspar Noé)

"...something's kicking in..."

Noe takes us for another plunge into the dark, twisted, vomit-inducing, neon-lit hellscape that is his mind and at least has the common courtesy to put the pleasant parts upfront this time. While it will eventually devolve into the same type of chaos that we all love/hate from him, the first act is kind of a wonderful departure from him. He basically accidently makes a musical for a while, with wonderful and deeply intricate dance choreography as well as a fantastic extended sequence where every character jumps in and out of frame and gets a chance to strut their stuff. That movie would have been a strong top five contender, but alas, the man has his particular quirks that he must abide by. But at least he also strung together probably the best soundtrack and sound design of the year, with the fantastic EDM bangers rumbling through the walls throughout the entirety of the film.

23: Long Shot (dir. Jonathon Levine)

"Oohhh boooy!"

Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen doing a political comedy that manages to be both smart and extremely funny seems like a long shot indeed, but Johnathon Levine finally strikes gold again after a number of disappointing duds. He manages to make a pretty good story about how navigating the political minefield destroys what little hope and dreams high level politicians still manage to have, but then he also happens to make it all absolutely hilarious too. Theron demonstrates a surprisingly strong comic game too, easily matching all the other talent and cracking jokes along with them. It ends up being a charming romance where the woman takes charge in a very pleasant change of pace. And if nothing else, the way Seth Rogen yells "oh boy" in that video is always going to make me laugh no matter what.

22: 6 Underground (dir. Michael Bay)

"Ghosts have one power above all others: to haunt the living. Haunt them... for what they've done."

Theoretical question: what say Netflix gave Michael Bay a blank check and no restrictions, and he turned in the most overblown, dialed to eleven, nonsensical spectacle that he ever crafted and was allowed to put it into almost every American home for free? Now what if I told you that it was actually kind of awesome? Sure, it's basically a child playing with his $150 million dollar GI Joe set, smashing his toys together and making pew-pew sounds, but it's also probably the best testament to the power of conventional effects work over the increasing insistence on CGI for big setpieces. Let's face it: explosions are pretty cool, every one likes exotic locales and bright sports cars, and there's at least someone here to appeal to you (least surprisingly for me, it was Melanie Laurent with bangs wearing a suit). It almost reaches a late Michael Mann kind of abstraction, as both are respectively breaking apart the action movie into stranger combinations. Bay gives plot only because he contractually has to, and even then doesn't seem as committed to characterization as he is showcasing surprisingly brutal ways for the gang to dispatch their enemies. It's nonsense, but the damn best nonsense of the year.

21: Ip Man 4: The Finale (dir. Wilson Yip)

"Is that it?! Is this your Chinese Kung Fu?!"

The finale in the decade-long quadrilogy of supremely silly and borderline racist worship of China finally attempts to tackle America to delightfully amusing results. Scott Adkins doing his best evil R. Lee Ermey impression while slipping in modern neo-con punchlines, neverending Bruce Lee worship, and more nationalism and bad fake American accents than you could ever believe. Yet also a more bizarrely honest portrayal of racism in 1960s America than most movies would ever have the courage to acknowledge. It’s almost fascinating considering how a lot of the non-Asian racism basically serves as set dressing, but they still put more effort there than pretty much every Hollywood movie set in the 60s that isn’t directly about civil rights. But ultimately they're selling you a bill of goods saying "watch Ip Man beat the crap out of racist meatheads" and you better believe they're going to give you what you want.

20: Let It Snow (dir. Luke Snellin)

"Have you ever been with someone, and you stay up until like 4AM just talking about everything, and you're just like, I can't believe I get to exist at the same time as you?"

Okay, so let me explain myself on this one:

So yeah, it certainly is a generic teen romcom where everyone plays into basic teenage stereotypes, half the cast is clearly nowhere near eighteen, and all of the romance is oddly chaste. But there truly is something to be said about representation in a romcom, and after a thousand boring cis, straight, hetero couples falling in love for decades, this movie actually managed to hit a lot of notes that are at best rarely explored in the genre and also manages to probably sneak in some genuine firsts. While both the "tomboy/softboy" and "Latina struggling with her family" storylines have been done before, these are some nice, cute little iterations on those befitting a teen-friendly movie. But the Dorrie/Kerry story is not only legitimately groundbreaking, but also an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the types of problems that queer teenagers struggle with during that time of their lives. It's a queer romance, played by two actually not-straight people, with one of them being a nonbinary actor too. And it's not cordoned off into some bargain bin DIY indie that fell out the back of the truck on the way to an indie film festival; no, this is in a major holiday release, with well-known actors, and as one of the central storylines! Plus, it perfectly captures the woes of modern teen coming out, knowing that everything will probably still be cool, but the fear haunting you as all you can do is look jealously at someone who is out and proud. And it does it without being real shitty and horribly traumatic too. Eat your fucking heart out, Love, Simon!

19. John Wick: Chapter 3 -- Parabellum (dir. Chad Stahelski)

"Si vis pacem, para bellum!"

Another year, another John Wick movie. There's more plot; you don't care, and let's be honest, neither do I. Stahelski is here to serve up more badass characters and incredible action, and no one in Hollywood does it quite like him. It's got familiar action favorites demonstrating why they still remain supreme, with Yayan Ruhian, Cecep Arif Rahman, Tiger Chen, and the ever underrated Mark Dascascos. It's got surprising action showcases for Halle Berry, Lance Reddick, and somehow Boban Marjanović. It's got great character actors doing their thing, from the returning McShane and Fishburne to newcomers Saïd Taghmaoui and Anjelica Huston. It's got Asia Kate Dillon as an awesome nonbinary shadow organization asshole. It has a bewildering Jason Mantzoukas cameo. And above all else, it has Keanu Reeves, still demonstrating not only his incredible physical skill, but also how to perfectly utilize his particular acting style to create an iconic character.

18. Doctor Sleep (dir. Mike Flanagan)

"Man takes a drink. A drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes a man."

While not the most accurate adaption, it might be the only Stephen King adaptation that comes to mind that actually successfully channels what makes him such an appealing author. King's stories have an inherent corniness to them and for as much as you unsuccessfully try to cover that up (look to this year's The Outsider for a good example), it's where the true charm of his work shines. It's what makes this so fun, because as much as an epic, eldritch terror is exciting, it still doesn't have the goofy fun of a bunch of vampiric bohemian drifters led by a Stevie Knicks knockoff in a top hat breathing up souls. Plus, the epic three hour runtime actually allows Flanagan to at least try to cover all the more subtle serious characterizations of Danny Torrance, from his recurring alcoholism to him seeking closure with regards to his parents. It manages to actually make the final act's nostalgia play kind of work, or at the very least get the terrible memory of the Ready Player One version out of my head.

17. Her Smell (dir. Alex Ross Perry)

"I thought you were better than this, but deep down I knew you weren't."

Perry must have had some extra pent-up nastiness in him after having to restrain himself while writing Christopher Robin (by the way, that happened), because he really created one of the nastiest characters in cinema here. Her Smell is the equivalent of being locked in a room with the shittiest person you'll ever meet, as she constant lashes out at everyone and everything with the kind of delirium that the truly demented are cursed with. And credit to Elizabeth Moss where it's due: she really perfectly embodies such a horrible human being and proceeds beat you damn near to death with it during a majority of the runtime. Eventually it slows down and all of the problems become apparent once they script isn't flying by at a thousand words a minute. But Moss literally did her job so well that people fucking hate this movie because of her character, and if that isn't a testament to her acting talent than I don't know what is.

16. High Life (dir. Claire Denis)

"At 99% the speed of light, the entire sky converged before our eyes. This sensation, moving backwards even though we're moving forwards, getting further from what's getting nearer. Sometimes I just can't stand it."

Denis finally makes her English debut with what she does best: nauseatingly uncomfortable sexuality oozing from terrible people doing horrible things. In this case, she takes an innovative detour into sci-fi, setting up a decades-long story of human experimentation, murder, the horrors of space travel, and whatever unholy things are going on inside of the "Fuck Box". It has an appropriately dingy production design too; the clean retro-futurist spaceship design soon dissolves into a torn apart den of depravity, caked in a mixture of filth and dry blood. Pattinson once again manages to be likeable while also being extremely standoff-ish; only playing with his baby daughter do we seem to see him actually enjoy interacting with a human being. Kind of gets lost in the sauce near the end, but at least manages to land some surprising emotional notes considering the kind of horrors that they've shown up until then.

15. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

"Chinese people have saying: when people get cancer they die. It's not cancer that kills them, it's the fear."

Lulu Wang's followup to Posthumous is such a massive step up in talent it's not even funny. She manages to make such a wonderfully soulful and loving movie about impending death by utilizing near perfect comic timing to defuse a situation that threatens to stray too dark. Not to mention her point of view on modern China from a non state-sponsored eye actually captures a much more accurate shot of the country itself. It's almost as if an Edward Yang movie had set itself more modest expectations -- it's pleasant, goes down well, teaches you a couple of things about Chinese culture, and manages to do it all in only a hundred minutes. And Awkwafina manages to hold her own against far more experienced actors, even if you can tell her Mandarin is still a little spotty.

14. Uncut Gems (dir. Josh and Benny Safdie)

"I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you... And if I had my way I would never see you again."

Adam Sandler's magnum opus performance -- there will never be another character that fully embraces every grating aspect of his style of acting and manages to weaponize them for two anxiety-inducing hours of hell. Sandler's Howard Ratner is an absolute sewer rat scumbag, an untrustworthy coward, and a perennial fuck-up of epic proportions. But he's still so charismatic and powerful on screen that you root for him every time he drives you further up the wall. And the Safdie brothers know how to keep him moving too, never letting the audience catch a breath of air for this movie-length panic attack as the odds stack further against Howard each minute. Whenever you see Sandler phoning in his comedies for fat checks, just remember this performance and how pretty much every awards committee completely ignored this film. No wonder he doesn't bother trying anymore.

13. The Last Black Man In San Francisco (dir. Joe Talbot)

"You don't get to hate it unless you love it."

A wonderfully evocative love letter to a changing city that is so full of life in every way, from the vibrant movement of the camerawork to the bombastic and powerful soundtrack blasting throughout. But it actually plays more like a New Orleans' funeral march, a melancholic chronicle of the original denizens of San Francisco even as the city warps into the caricature that it's slowly becoming. There is a definite feeling that the aggressive gentrification is unavoidable and even the love of the original quirky denizens can only stave off the metaphorical steamroller that paves over the past. It makes for a wonderful counterpoint to the previous year's Blindspotting: both about young black men dealing with gentrification in the Bay Area, but Blindspotting starts as a very angry comic satire that eventually ends on a note of hope and a will to survive the changing tide, whereas this begins as a joyous celebration of the city and ends on a heartbreaking resignation in the face of everything. Both come from respectively very different sides of San Fran culture, but it's rather interesting seeing each have such different approaches to the same topic.

12. The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (dir. Henry Dunham)

"How do we know it's not you?"

A simple "pressure cooker" scenario done to perfection: one empty warehouse, a bunch of hardened standoff-ish militia men, a missing gun, a ticking clock, and a whole lot of suspicious side eyes and probing questions. It helps that the gruff suspects are a perfect who's who of roughened character actors, all previously well-versed in playing suspicious people, and all of them hiding the kind of unspoken rage that makes a man secretly join an armed militia. All of this told with a nerve-wracking minimalism and style as weirdly detached from reality as some of these men are. One hell of a debut for Henry Dunham and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

11. Booksmart (dir. Olivia Wilde)

"How about we play a *rousing* round of J'ACCUSE!"

Profoundly silly and yet also so disarmingly sweet, Olivia Wilde whips a wildly stylized portrait of Gen Z high-schoolers and the many ways that they vastly differ from their older peers. Certainly much more welcoming and accepting of the diversity of teenagers than pretty much any other teen movies from the past, although they still poke fun at some particular brands of modern "wokeness" too. Stuffed to the brim with wonderfully weird characters, between the lovable catty theatre duo of George and Alan, the cringe-inducing desperate rich kid Jared, the endearingly dumb thirstball Theo, the dorky and blissfully unaware queer-bait Ryan, the effortlessly cool and extremely "top energy" Hope, and the absolutely batshit wildness that is Gigi. But mainly it serves as a vehicle for Devers and Feldstein, with both bouncing perfectly back and forth off each other in moments of comedy and drama. Feldstein always pulls off huge laughs pretty much every line and Devers sells a perfect amount of baby-gay awkwardness in one of the sweetest (and heartbreaking) queer romance stories in film. But above all else, it's just so damn fun and aware of what teenagers are actually like than most movies ever have been.

10. Luce (dir. Julius Onah)

*chuckles* "You really think I believe that stuff?"

One of the most wildly uncomfortable experiences in recent cinema history, but not due to any horrifyingly explicit graphic content being shoved in our faces. No, Onah and Lee created something much more discomforting: a constant challenging of all our biases and stereotypes, of us wanting to give chances and have faith in those that we trust. Kelvin Harrison Jr. delivers one of the best acting performances in recent memory because he's able to literally do everything; his Luce somehow manages to perfectly walk the tightrope required for a performance like his. With him behind it, Luce is such a charming, loving, likeable character but there's always just something that seems off about him. And even if Spencer's Wilson has a fixation on him that crosses all sorts of legal and moral boundaries, wouldn't we be cheering her on under different circumstances? In a way, she herself is trying to communicate a lesson about perception too, one that also mires in deep, troubling waters. Even if the film still feels very stage-y due to it's source material, the cold clinical aesthetic only further helps it make us squirm in our seats.

9. Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll (dir. Haruka Fujita)

"Nobody wants a letter that cannot be delivered."

An absolutely magical experience that artistically excels over the original TV series it's based off of. The production is still as impressive as any other KyoAni work, but the composition and lighting in particular are outstanding, selling the social isolation of the first half and the childlike wonder of the second half. Beginning with a sublime Victorian romance in the first half, the story eventually morphs into a tribute to the workers of the world, the cogs in the machine. But in the context of the studio's recent history and the horrific arson attack that claimed 36 members of the studio, this instead comes off as a battlecry against the opposition against them. It's a story valuing those who are overlooked in the process of creation, a story about strong determined women, a story of a young girl defining her own future against society. KyoAni as a studio were most known for treating all their employees exceptionally as well as being a primarily female-led studio, both unfortunate exceptions in the industry as well as the target for a lot of unfair online hatred against them (and surely played some sort of role in why the arson attack happened to them specifically). To see the studio make their first post-attack work so proudly emblematic of what made them unique makes this so much more powerful than you would expect.

8. The Nightengale (dir. Jennifer Kent)

"You know what it's like to have a white fella take everything that you have, don't ya?"

The classic revenge fantasy narrative warped into a bleak, cynical portrait of racist cruelty in 1800s Tasmania. Jennifer Kent, improving leaps and bounds from the relatively straightforward Babadook, crafts a searing indictment of the foundations of colonialism and the misogynistic undercurrent of the barbarous society. It's a revenge movie where the vengeance is horrible and unsatisfying -- there's no crowd pleasing murderous money-shots, just brief moments of comeuppance in the face of everything in the world working against our two protagonists. Those who are squeamish should be aware that it is exceptionally graphic and grueling at times, although Kent does manage to keep up a very good pace for the two and a half hours of hell.

7. Transit (dir. Christian Petzold)

"They say that those who were left never forget. But it's not true. They have the sweet, sad songs. Pity is with them. Those who leave, no one is with them. They have no songs."

Hitchcock by way of Kafka -- a classic existential mystery told in a disorienting separate reality not quite like our own. It's a bold move to take a Holocaust set narrative and completely throw out the actual setting itself, but Petzold only enhances the weird themes of the story by taking it to a completely different but still very familiar time. This is a classic tale of becoming the person you say you are but really aren't -- then begging the question of what if you're not the only one also living a false identity. Buoyed by an excellent and very enigmatic lead performance from Franz Rogowski, who displays a tremendous skill for playing somebody so closed off but also very charismatic and watchable.

6. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

"When you come to the end of the line, with a buddy who is more than a brother and a little less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is really the only way to say farewell."

Tarantino trades in his B-movie worship and penchant for comical bloodbaths (well, for the most part) to make something I certainly didn't expect from him: a relaxed hangout movie about getting old and falling out of fashion. Exceptional production design whisks us away to the height of Hollywood and three different people all looking at their future careers in very different lights. Leo gets to stretch his wings in all sorts of silly fun ways and Brad Pitt finally lets go of the young superstar image and easily slips into his more natural "hot single dad" swagger, playing the most effortlessly cool character of his career. Tarantino sets aside time to look back on his own flaws as well and playfully reflects on his own particular ...quirks. Easily his best since his 90s prime and the first time in a long time I've felt the maturity that he showcased in Jackie Brown.

5. The Lighthouse (dir. Robert Eggers)

"Damn ye! Let Neptune strike ye dead Winslow! HAAARK!"

Hyper-masculine mania as told through a wonderful blend of dark comedy and cosmic horror and with some of the most lush black-and-white cinematography maybe ever in a film. Eggers' now trademark devotion to absolute accurate period detail in both visual design and dialogue greatly helps this reach transcendent heights. But it's truly the two performances of Dafoe and Pattinson that help it weave a perfect spiral of insanity that also manages to be so oddly fun. Never could there be any other paring of actors that would perfectly showcase these two dirty sea-dogs going stark raving mad at each other so well.

4. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

"As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives."

(Director's Cut) Every generation deserves their own paranoia-fueled pagan horrorshow, but Aster strikes a much deeper vein in his epic take on the classic territory The Wicker Man had previously claimed. The brutal rituals of the Hårga are only set dressing most of the time, with much more focus poured into the vile toxicity plaguing the relationship between students Dani and Christian. Reynor's Christian is such a perfect portrayal of a terrible influence -- he's charming, fun, and likeable when he's on your side, but the second anybody goes against him his seedy manipulation begins to seep into everything he says. Pugh continues her winning streak too, delivering a broken person desperately trying to put a smile on while falling apart on the inside as she realizes she truly is all alone in the world. While some might be disappointed by the lack of actual "terror" for a good chunk of the movie, Aster has found something much more likely to scar us than these friendly Swedish cultists.

3. Sunset (dir. László Nemes)

"The horror of the world hides behind these infinitely pretty things."

After striking gold with Son of Saul, Laszlo Nemes takes a hard turn into a very different genre but manages to create a wonderfully unique spin on classic detective noir. His signature camerawork powers this yarn, successfully taking the claustrophobic eye of Saul and using it to give a truly immersive sense of place in the tumultuous world of 1913 Budapest, where danger is simmering under the surface and ready to boil over at any moment. After all, noir is always about the eye of the detective, so Nemes' style takes it to a literal degree where everything outside of Irisz' field of vision is incomprehensible. We catch the same shady sideways glances and hushed whispers at the same time she does too. The plotting, like all noir tales, gets a little too complex for its own good, although it's less because of double-crossing and deceit and more from the story slowly dropping its connection to reality to function on a far more allegorical level. But as far as immersive, experiential cinema goes, not even 1917 can stack up to this film's highs, as the enraged lower-class populace eventually comes for the heads of the bourgeoise and Irisz suddenly realizes she is in the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

"Do all lovers feel they're inventing something?"

An absolutely breathtaking portrait (hehe) of yearning and love, so astonishingly romantic and actually aware of what will make a woman swoon. Every technical aspect is perfect, from the gorgeous locale to the lovely windswept dresses to the soft, classical cinematography. But the true magic comes from Merlant and Haenel perfectly delivering every line of Sciamma's wonderous script. Those two have a sexual tension strong enough to burn down the theater, as their shy glances turn into deep longing stares and both their steely professional reserves give way to poorly suppressed joy at just being able to be with the other. Even their initial terse dialogue melts into pure romantic splendor, as they lovingly catalog all the little gestures the other does when flustered. Their connection during filming was powerful enough to fuel rumors around the two in the press and is currently providing the desire for every thirsty lesbian who finishes this to immediately pull up videos from the press tour and hunt for those same things between the actors themselves. And trust me, they are there.

1. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho)

"Not 'rich but still nice.' Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!"

Very rarely does a film come along that actually warrants to be described as "perfect", as in one that literally generates no critiques in any way even if I was forced to pick something at gunpoint to complain about. But Parasite truly does every single thing right. Even Bong's tonal whiplash style, which does grate on me at times, somehow fits perfectly here as the schemes become increasingly madcap and the increasing sense that this will all come crashing down horribly mounts ever higher. Until then, it's an absolute joy to watch in every way, as Bong stacks the card deck higher and all the characters dive further into the sewer for their own benefit. The midpoint pivot works wonderfully too, as it goes to show that literally every person is getting played in the world of Parasite. It's massive success is only surprising to those who haven't seen it: it's the perfect movie for the era it came out in and may as well be the watershed moment for a new age of cinema where Hollywood finally admits that it's not the king of the world anymore.

#top 25 #2019 in film #parasite #portrait of a lady on fire #sunset #midsommar #lighthouse #fuck capitalism

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grayzaweek · 7 years

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Prompt 6: Moments

The riverside had always been their spot. It was a special place. Significant. He’d never mentioned it to anybody. He was sure she hadn’t either.

Hands in his coat pockets, Gray closed his eyes. Felt the breeze against his face. He sighed.

Somehow, they’d managed to return Erza to the guild. He clenched his fists. Even thinking about that blue haired fucker made his blood boil. His only regret was not being able to punch a hole through the son of a bitch’s face.

Gray took care to not speak or think ill of the dead, but rules stopped applying where Erza Scarlet was involved. Nobody had the right to make her cry. Much less sacrifice her to resurrect a dead dark wizard. He would’ve killed the fucker himself. He didn’t care how strong Jellal was supposed to be, nobody walked away from Iced Shell.

All because that fucking flame-brained asshole got eating by some motherfucking owl. He clicked his tongue.

The guild was celebrating the return of their Titania, but he’d quietly excused himself. He didn’t feel like celebrating. Celebrations were for people who actually deserved them. Not for people who blacked out before the main event. Natsu deserved it. Least he’d gotten the chance to sock Jellal on the kisser.

He took a deep breath. He let it go.

It was the closest he’d come to losing Erza. She’d always been this invulnerable… being of some kind to most. While he acknowledged her strength, Gray knew Erza like not many people did. He’d seen her for what she was right there by the riverside eight years ago: A girl who wore armour around her heart, too afraid to feel. Always alone. Always crying.

He liked to think that he’d been the one to get through to her, but that wasn’t true. Erza had the entire guild at her back. Everyone loved and respected her. Feared her too. Now that her past had come to light, Gray hoped everyone would treat her like a person instead of a paragon. See her as Erza Scarlet and not Titania.

With that realisation also came the fact that Erza was vulnerable. It wasn’t something many people thought about. They would now. Just as he was. What would he have done if Erza had… died? Tried to prevent it, sure. Grind every bone in his body to dust if he had to, of course. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if he did lose her one day? What if he never got to tell her-

Tell her what? He chuckled bitterly and stepped towards the river. Looked down at his warped reflection in the moonlight.

Despite Jellal trying to kill her, Erza had tried to save him. It may have been out of a misplaced sense of self-righteousness, but he knew better. She had feelings for him. She’d had feelings for that bastard, and he wasn’t Jellal Fernandes. Or Siegrain. Or whatever that cunt fucking carrot top’s name was. That was that.

Shoulders slumping, Gray sighed deeply and pinched his eyes. I need sleep.

“Deep sighs, Gray. Who are you thinking of?”

And just like that, all trace of tiredness left his body in a flash. Oh no, he thought as he half-turned. Not now.

But Lady Luck had never been his friend.

As if summoned by his thoughts, there stood Erza Scarlet. He hadn’t heard her approach, thanks to his distracting thoughts. He frowned as she came up and stood beside him.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I come here often. It’s not unnatural.”

“Same here.”

“No, I mean, why aren’t you celebrating?”

She shrugged. “What’s there to celebrate?”

He looked away. Simon, her old friend, had died. Killed by Jellal, apparently. He’d not lost anybody that day. It wasn’t the same for her.

“Sorry,” he offered quietly.

“Don’t be,” she replied just as gently. ”You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Is that right? I wish I could believe you. He chose not to say anything.

“You never answered my question.”

“Hmm?”

“What were you thinking about?”

He looked at her then and found her looking straight up at him, a look of utter concentration on her face. He looked away.

“You. I was… thinking about you.”

“Oh. What about me?”

Sighing, Gray ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just that I… I mean we came this close to losing you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And I couldn’t do anything-”

“You did enough.”

“I could’ve done more! I should’ve-”

He stopped when she placed a palm flat on his chest and stepped closer. It got very hard for him to think all of a sudden.

“You did enough,” she said with a smile. “You did more than enough. Accept that.”

He shook his head. “I really didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not what Happy tells me.”

Ah, crap. “Is that right? And what did Happy say?”

At that, Erza’s smile widened and she stepped back, clearing her throat.

“I’m taking Erza back with me! Erza has to be with us… with Fairy Tail! So she doesn’t have to cry anymore.” She finished her impersonation of him and tilted her head, grinning now. “Yes?”

Goddamn cat. Gray crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nope.”

“Are you quite sure?”

He groaned. “Did he tell anyone else?”

“Other than the whole guild? I don’t think so, no.”

“Great.” Gray raked his fingers down his face. “Brilliant.”

“Thank you.”

His head snapped back towards her. “What for?”

“For saving me.”

“Erza, I didn’t save you. That was all Natsu.”

She shook her head. “I’m not talking about the Tower, Gray.”

“Then?”

“I’m talking about eight years ago. Right here.” She spread her arms wide and then let them fall at her sides. “You saved me that day.”

Gray just looked at her. “How do you mean?”

“You penetrated my armour, Gray. Relentlessly. You somehow managed to get here.” She tapped her chest, smiling up at him. “You opened me up to all sorts of new and wonderful things. So you saved me. And I want to thank you. For being my… friend. Through everything.”

He hoped the cover of darkness was enough to hide his blush. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“’Having to’ has nothing to do with it.”

Gray looked at her, lost for words. She looked absolutely, genuinely truthful. She can’t mean that. Someone like him? Save someone like her? Even the thought of it was ludicrous. He’d have done the same for anybody in the g-no. Erza was different. Erza was special.

Looking into her soft, brown eyes, Gray felt like somebody had reached into his chest and plucked at his heartstrings. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Erza-”

“Gray?”

“I-”

“Yes?”

He laughed at her responses and gently placed his hand atop her head. She blinked in confusion, but didn’t move away from his touch.

I’m in love with her, he told himself. What do I do now?

“I’m glad you’re no longer clinging on to your armour for support.” He smiled at her. “That’s something you’ve achieved all on your own, and I’m proud of you, Erza. I really am.” Despite himself, his hand lowered to her cheek. She didn’t flinch away, though her eyes widened. He clenched his jaw. “You’re really important to-” me “-everyone at the guild. They-” I “-love you, you know.” He brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “So live, Erza. Live gloriously. Have fun. Make great memories. Live for them. Live with them. Make every day count.” His eyes started to burn and he retracted his hand to rub at them. Great. Just my luck. “That’s all I hadta say.”

Erza was quiet awhile before taking a tentative step closer. “Gray?”

He sniffed. Whatever it was that had been in his eyes was gone now. “Yeah?”

“Why were you here alone?”

“I wanted to be alone. I didn’t feel like being rowdy.”

“Then why are you crying?”

He swallowed. “I’m not crying. Just something in my eye.”

She smiled at him. Didn’t call him out on his lie. “I see.”

Pull yourself together, he told himself, but it was easier said than done. He felt sick.

They stared at each other for some time, standing not even a foot apart, but Gray finally sighed and looked away towards the path he’d come from.

“It’s getting late,” he said.

“Mhmm. You need the rest.”

“As do you.”

“That I do.”

“D’you want me to walk to Fairy Hills?” he offered as they walked up the slope to the road. She shook her head.

“You don’t have to.”

“’Having to’ has nothing to do with it.”

Erza chuckled quietly. “Then I would like that. Unless you’re too tired.”

“It’s okay. It’s on my way home anyways.”

It wasn’t, but she didn’t have to know that. Gray just wanted to be selfish for once, spend a few more moments with Erza before going home and seeing about getting over her. He remembered he had some whisky in the cabinet. He’d need that.

“Thanks for walking me, Gray.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He’d need a lot of it.

#grayza #grayza week 2017 #day 6: moments #moments #day 6 #writing #submission

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asflowersfade · 7 years

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Scribble-Doodle: Six Months of Death

A mashup of TV and book spoilers. Jace gets dead. Clary asks Raziel to bring him back - too bad she doesn’t specify when exactly should this miracle take place. Or, Raziel is a petty bastard. A parabatai fic with hints of Malec/Clace

Jace doesn’t know what he expected when he knocked on the door of the Herondale mansion, but this definitely wasn’t it.

When Raziel finally fulfills his promise and brings him back, Jace snaps back into existence in the middle of Central Park. Not the most holy of places, certainly, but considering that just moments ago, he was dead, he’s not about to complain about where his resurrection took place. The timing, though, that could’ve been better.

Six months. That’s how long it took Raziel to move his angelic ass and fulfill Clary’s wish. To say that Raziel was not happy about being disturbed by mere mortals would be putting it mildly, and since Clary didn’t actually specify when she wanted Jace to be brought back, Raziel took his celestial time in a petty revenge. Angels and Seelies, not much difference between them, as Jace’s learned.

The first place he goes to is the New York Institute, of course, his home. And if he’s ever had doubts about people loving and missing him there? Not anymore. Their welcome’s almost overwhelming in its warmth and relief. Clary did tell them about Raziel and her wish and the angel’s promise but with each passing day and week and month the chances of Jace actually coming back became slimmer and slimmer, so his resurrection… yeah, a real miracle for his family and friends.

But it soon becomes apparent to Jace that he’s returned to a world much changed, to a world that has moved on without him while still waiting for him to come back. And he understands it, he really does, his loved ones couldn’t have just frozen their lives in place like flies trapped in amber. It still feels… odd, uncomfortable, that there are so many things now that he doesn’t know about.

Like the fact that Maryse got her position as the Head of the Insitute back. And that she divorced Robert. And that she’s now dating - do people of her age still date? - well, seeing Luke Garroway . Luke. Garroway. Not that they aren’t a good fit, mind you… it’s just, well, weird.

And Robert’s now the Inquisitor! The news of Imogen’s passing hit Jace really hard - she was his only living relative left, but it’s true that he didn’t know her all that well, though he hoped to change that - but he’s glad that it was Robert who was named in her place. His cheating aside, Robert’s a good man. And he’s living with his lover now, David Whatshisface. A guy! The Inquisitor’s bedding a man. Huh, the times really a-changing. And Jace was only gone for six months!

Izzy and Simon are now an item, too. And they’re just the oddest couple that Jace could imagine. But what the heck does he know, right? And because Simon’s apparently become the new leader of the New York vampire clan, everyone’s suddenly seeing Izzy’s dating a Downworlder as a “wise political choice.” Right. Angel’s foot!

Clary… Seeing Clary again is a like a punch in the gut. Still the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, her smile sets his heart all aflutter. She’s waited for him. And she tells him she would’ve waited for his return till her dying breath. He might’ve cried a little, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. But yeah, he did. Not even six months of death could make him stop loving her. He’s glad she feels the same.

She returned back to school, studying art. She apparently convinced the Clave it would help her with her rune making. Bull, really, but it got the Clave to back off and let her do her thing. She’s become entirely too proud of her ability to lie with a straight face to get what she wants. That’s his Clary!

And then there’s Alec… who’s not where he should be: not with Magnus, not at the Institute… not in Jace’s soul. Their bond’s gone, broken, torn. But Jace’ll get it back, if he has to pluck Raziel’s feathery appendages bald to force the bastard to make them whole again!

Jace knocks on the door of the Herondale mansion and waits, shifting from foot to foot impatiently. It takes almost a full minute for the door to open, and when it does, Jace’s breath catches in his throat. Alec…

Yes, Alec. After Imogen’s death, there were no more Herondales - Jace’s waiting-to-be-resurrected status didn’t count - so it was Alec who inherited the Herondale estate as Jace’s parabatai. And that’s where he retreated to when everything went to hell.

“Alec…” Jace whispers, seeing his parabatai for the first time in six months.

Alec stands there and just stares at Jace in utter incomprehension. And Jace’s heart aches for him. Six months has passed but Alec looks haggard, drained… damaged. He’s pale and unshaven - there’s silver in his hair; Angel, he’s twenty-three! - his shoulders are stooped and he’s dressed in sensible shoes and pants and a worn sweater that’s seen better days; no more combat boots and gear for him. He looks, well, nothing like Jace’s Alec. And yet, it’s him.

Blinking dazedly, Alec licks his lips several times before finally finding his voice. “Jace?” he croaks out with disbelief and despair and hope.

And Jace hugs him. He pulls Alec into his arms and he hangs onto him and he rocks him gently from side to side, till Alec’s frozen stance relaxes and his tense body becomes pliant and he melts into Jace’s embrace, gripping the back of his leather jacket tight in his fists. Yes, yes, Jace’s here, he’s truly here and they’re back together again.

But their bond’s still dead, the connection’s gone. And Jace wants to rage because he thought… he hoped that… he put everything on this one card, that once they get back together, once they touch… but no. There’s still only silence.

Jace wants to rage and scream - instead, he lets Alec make him coffee.

“So, what went wrong?” Jace asks quietly, stirring his coffee, entirely too black and too strong for anyone’s liking but his. Alec remembered.

Alec looks up from his own cup, cradled in his hands. They’re sitting in the kitchen of the Herondale mansion, a rustic affair. There’s no one but them in the house. Apparently, there hasn’t been anyone but Alec residing here ever since he moved in. Jace’s liking the state of things less and less by the minute.

“Is that a trick question?” Alec asks with narrowed eyes. “You died, Jace.”

Waving a hand, Jace responds. “Well, apart from that. You were the Head of the Institute, it was your dream. And you and Magnus were on your way to become the stuff of romantic legends. Now I find you here, hermitting away like a monk in the Middle Ages.” Jace rests his elbows on the table and leans closer. “Come on, Alec. Talk to me.”

Alec, who’s sitting on the other side of the table, turns his head to look out of the window; the sun’s setting outside. “Even before you... died, everything wasn’t perfect. Not remotely so and you know it.” He turns back. “Everything I’ve done since I became the Head of the Institute went wrong. Jonathan, Valentine, the Cabinet…” He shakes his head and smiles ruefully. “By the Angel, I had so many plans. It just shows how naive I was.”

Jace frowns. “Alec--”

But Alec interrupts him. “And then Max died. And the war began in earnest. And then y-you died. You were just gone, Jace,” he says, his face is full of desolation. “I’ve never known such a pain. And it went on and on and on. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. Magnus tried, Raziel knows he did. But it wasn’t just that - he’s the leader of his people, just like I was of mine, and that was putting even more stress on our relationship…”

He sighs and turns the cup in his hands. And then again. And again. “It became too much. I wasn’t handling your death - and Max’s death and all my failures - well and everyone was suffering because of it: Magnus, our family, our people. So I just” --he shrugs-- “left.”

“You gave up,” Jace points out and he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it at all. Impossible just means try again, that’s been always Alec’s motto.

Alec shrugs again. “Call it as you like. I was of no use to anyone in that state. I was making your death - and the fact that Raziel seemingly broke his word to bring you back - harder on everyone. I needed to put myself back together first, before I could even begin to be there for others. And since someone had to take care of Imogen’s estate” --he waves a hand around-- “I thought it was as good a reason as any to take a break.”

Jace lifts his eyebrows. “Take a break? So, this,” --now it’s his turn to wave a hand around-- “is not a permanent thing?”

Alec lifts one corner of his mouth. “Well, luckily, the new Head of the New York Institute is our mother, so I have a standing invitation to come back - even the Clave couldn’t say a thing against someone mourning the loss of his parabatai, especially since that person, that means me, inherited the Herondale estate!

“And Magnus…” This time, his smile’s more genuine but also much sadder. “He agreed that a break might do us some good. He’d seen in the past, what the loss of a parabatai could do to a Shadowhunter. He was very… understanding. Probably much more than I deserved.”

“Nonsense,”Jace dismisses his words. “You deserve the world.”

Alec’s smile widens and a little color returns to his pale face. He clears his throat. “And what about you?” he changes the subject. “We keep talking about me, but you were the one who died! Raziel. You were dead, Jace!”

Jace grimaces. “Tell me about it.” He blows out a breath and stares deeply into his cup for a while; the coffee’s gone cold. “I don’t remember much. I remember being stabbed and then waking up - in Central Park, of all places, would you believe that? Those are the two things I remember clearly. But the time in-between…”

“Yeah?” Alec prompts Jace when he falls silent again.

Thinking it over, Jace tries to explain, “I remember impressions. Warmth, love, safety… I think-I think I was with my mom and dad, Alec,” he says in a hushed tone, looking up at his parabatai. “My real mom and dad. And I was happy. I think... I wanted to stay. Over there. With them,” he admits reluctantly.

“Oh,” Alec whispers, dropping his eyes. His shoulders slump again.

“No!” Jace rushes to say and reaches out across the table to grip Alec’s wrist. “It’s not like that, Alec. I would never leave you, you’re my parabatai, I would never - you have to believe me!” he implores.

Alec warily looks up. His eyes are hooded. “Then why? Why wouldn’t you want to come back to us? To me?”

“Because I couldn’t - no. I didn’t think I could,” Jace corrects himself. “I thought that was it. I was dead. All there was left for me, was what comes after. Where I would wait for you. Where I met them. I was as happy as I could be - while you and Clary and all the others were over here and I was over there. Do you get that?”

Please, tell me you do, he thinks.

Grudgingly, Alec nods. “I guess. Besides... we aren’t parabatai anymore,” he reminds Jace quietly. “Our bond broke when you died.”

Jace grips Alec’s wrist even tighter. “Bull! You are my parabatai, bond or not! And I will figure out what went wrong. Raziel healed me, he healed everything, he brought me back as good as new. I will find out what went wrong with our bond and I will fix it, I swear, Alec!” He shakes Alec’s wrists to emphasize his words.

Alec stares at him searchingly for a long time, then he lets go of his cup with the hand that Jace’s gripping, and turns it palm up. They clasp hands and hold on tight.

“Alright,” Alec says softly. “Alright. I’m just glad you’re back. Even if we never get our bond back, I’m happy you’re here, with me. I just hope that--” He falls silent, then he swallows painfully. “I just hope you don’t regret coming back.”

Jace thinks about it, really thinks about it, hard. He wants to be perfectly sure of his answer, he doesn’t want his words to sound like empty platitudes. Does he regret coming back? Well, he misses his parents, true, the feeling of safety they gave him, but… No, he doesn’t regret coming back, returning to life, to Clary and his family - and his parabatai. Without Alec, he would forever be incomplete.

He smiles. “No, I don’t regret it. I’m exactly where I should be.”

And in that moment, just like that, their bond snaps back in place, flooding them both with the other’s emotions. The sensation’s so overwhelming that they gasp out loud, their eyes flying wide open, and they cling to each other so tightly their knuckles turn white.

Oh, Jace thinks in wonder, feeling the familiar throbbing in his chest, the most beautiful sensation in the world. So that’s all it took? This realization?

“Jace,” Alec whispers, amazed.

Jace grins wide. “Yeah,” he breathes out, lacing their fingers together. “Yeah…”

Now, now everything’s perfect, Jace thinks, before getting up to walk around the table and hug his parabatai, not letting go of him even for a second.

Thank you, Raziel.

You’re still a petty bastard, though!

#scribbledoodle #parabatai #jace herondale #alec lightwood #my fcs #my shadowhunters fics #my parabatai fics

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