#(i really like this one... first time writing anything on the marsh family)

[cutielando]

i'm trying for you ~ rafe cameron

my masterlist

If Rafe Cameron was anything, he was a softy at heart. 

Only problem was, he didn't know how to voice or express his feelings. Given the environment he had grown up in, it wasn't necessarily a surprise. 

He had Ward as a father, it was all the explanation one would ever need.

Frankly, he hadn't had a reason to get in touch with his feelings for a very long time. He would occasionally hook up with random girls, but it would never turn into something serious.

He just wasn't the type of guy who would be in a relationship.

Until you came along.

He had found a reason to change, to become a better person for you, to try and show you just how much he loved you and appreciated you being in his life.

From the very first moment he had seen you at one of his friend's parties, he knew that he had to get to know you. You were so intriguing to him, he would find himself thinking about you at the most random of times.

The first time you spoke and when he asked you out were imprinted in his mind like it was yesterday.

You in your flowery-themed swimsuit, swimming on your board in front of his house, stopping when you had heard him calling your name.

"What's up?" you had asked him once he had stopped running and came face to face with you.

"What are you doing all the way out here? This is nowhere near your house" Rafe tried to hide how nervous he was while talking to you, not wanting to let you know how nervous he would get in your presence.

Your eyes squinted, wanting to ask how he knew where you lived but decided against it. Your family was rich as fuck so you also lived on Figure 8, it shouldn't be a surprise that the Kooks would know where she lived.

"I was bored, decided to swim around a little and get accustomed to the marsh and everything" you explained, watching him closely with a hint of a smile on your face.

"Well, if you want someone to show you around, I could do that. I could walk with you around the island, show you the best places and then we could get something to eat" he was scratching his head, mentally punching himself because of how childish he sounded.

"I'd really like that" you smiled and nodded, almost chuckling once you noticed how surprised Rafe was.

"Really? Okay, perfect. Give me your phone number so I can text you the details" he said, almost dropping his phone in the process.

You bit your lip and typed in your phone before biding your goodbyes and continuing your activities.

That was the moment when Rafe knew he was a goner. The way you looked at him when he spoke, the smile you would try and hide from him, the twinkle in your eyes and your dimples, he couldn't get you out of his head for days.

When the day of your date came, he was a nervous wreck. He didn't want to screw anything up, knowing that he couldn't lose you because of how rusty he was in the love department.

He had enlisted Wheezie and Sarah to help him, the girls giving him some advice on what to talk about, how to act, what to do and so on. Rafe even took some notes, writing down some prompts to make sure he wouldn't forget anything.

You found it cute, how he would constantly check his phone and go in his notes, thinking that you couldn't see from across the table.

"Rafe" you put your hand on his and it made his head snap back to look at you, his other hand hurriedly locking his phone.

"Y-Yeah?" he tried to seem natural, but he knew deep down that you had caught him in the act.

"You don't have to be nervous and you don't have to keep checking the notes you have on your phone. You're doing fine and you don't need those notes when you're so amazing yourself. Loosen up, I won't bite" 

After that, Rafe could feel all the stress leaving his body as he finally relaxed back onto his chair, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

From that moment on, Rafe had done nothing but be himself. With the good, with the bad, he was being Rafe. The Rafe you would soon come to love.

He took you on several dates after your first one, only asking you to be his girlfriend after the 5th one, making sure he wasn't being too pushy and making moves too soon.

You thought it was very sweet of him, knowing that it was a significant change on his part from his previous relationships with girls all around the island.

The first time he told you he loved you was a very big moment in your relationship. Having already known how difficult his relationship with his feelings was, you wanted him to take it slow and not push him. He would slowly let you in when he would be ready.

It was a very chill evening in the Cameron household, a comfortable silence hanging in the air around you. Rose and Ward were attending a gala and would be back late in the night, Sarah was at a party with the Pogues and John B and Wheezie had so kindly agreed to having a sleepover with a friend of hers in order to leave the two of you alone.

Because of your busy schedules, you had barely spent any time together in the last couple of days, days which made Rafe realize how much he valued your presence and how much he appreciated it when you were around, even if you weren't doing anything.

As you were trying to focus on the movie playing on the TV, you felt Rafe's eyes burn a hole in the side of your head, which made you smile and look at him.

"You're going to strain your eyes if you keep looking at me so much" you giggled, which made his insides turn to mush and a stupid smile to appear on his otherwise broody face.

"I can't help it. I love you too much not to stare at your beauty all day long" he confessed.

At first, you hadn't quite registered what he had said, but the little unsure smirk he had on his face made you do a double-take and your eyes widened in surprise.

"What did you just say?" you whispered, your hands suddenly becoming sweaty.

"I love you" Rafe repeated, and now you were sure that you had indeed heard the right thing.

You couldn't stop yourself from jumping onto his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing every inch of his face that you could reach from your position.

"I love you too" you whispered, looking into his eyes before you finally leaned in and kissed his lips.

Rafe hadn't grown up around love, but he knew that what he felt with you was love.

Love in the purest form from the purest soul.

You.

You were his love. 

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[southangel]

Heyo!

I don't know if you write about familiar stuff (I guess it counts as a platonic topic), but if you do, can I request the Broship as single fathers and what it would be like to be their kid? How would each of them handle being a single parent?

Cheers!

Main 4 Being their kid

Warnings: mentions of drinking/drugs

Notes: No gender mentioned, so gender-neutral by default. This was a little time-consuming to write, luckily I had a lot of free time today! Ran out of ideas for Cartman though.

Stan Marsh

As we’ve already seen from Post Covid, Stan is in some ways similar and different from his childlike self.

Having a child is stressful enough, but being a single parent on top of it just adds more to the cake.

As much as he cares and wants to raise you correctly, he’s terrified of becoming like his father.

Randy was never a good dad, and it affected Stan mentally where he almost considered never wanting children.

I see Stan as more protective than he was as a kid. He doesn’t want anything harmful to happen to you like what happened to him, so he tries to shield you from it in a way that isn’t incredibly overbearing.

He wants the best for you, and he wants you to be happy in life. Stan often tries to keep a balance when taking care of you, trying to raise you to be respectful and have the best personality in all the right areas.

Stan would be the kind of father to play his guitar for you until you fall asleep, or even introduce and influence you to pick up your own instrument.

Sometimes the stress and negative thoughts catch up with him, he doesn’t feel like he’s a good father and he feels as if he’s slowly becoming Randy.

He turns to his old childlike habits, drinking and mentally losing himself without even noticing, it’s by instinct.

Stan doesn’t want to be like this, and he doesn’t want to you to see him like this, especially when you’re still young.

Once you get older, it’s when you see Stan like this that you realize maybe he’s the one needing comfort.

Stan doesn’t necessarily ever want you to meet his friends, Kyle is an exception.

He thinks their bad influences, and he only wants the best for you! Besides, if Kyle has a kid as well, then maybe you could both hangout together.

He tries to let you be as carefree as possible, letting you do as you wish as you grow older.

Stan doesn’t want to seem like a typical adult once you start considering love interests, but he just doesn’t want you to get your heart broken.

It’s happened to him, multiple times.

He just wants to prepare you and make sure that you’re absolutely sure on what you’re doing in this stage of your life.

You’re the reason Stan keeps going, and he wants to be the best dad he ever can.

“Oh, what happened to your Grandpa? Let’s talk about something else..”

Kyle Broflovski

Kyle is definitely a hot topic, as I personally see him as the best dad out of the Main 4, single or not.

I see him as very fatherly, or more family oriented than the rest. It makes sense when you see how he takes care of Ike.

Kyle has never really been one with romantic luck, and I guess it carried on in his adulthood since now he’s a single father with you as his child.

The first thing that i’ll say is that Kyle wants the best for you. His parents wanted the best for him, and look where he is now.

He wants you to be the best, getting top scores and grades on all your assignments and work.

At some point it feels overbearing even.. Constant pushing and pressuring to be the best, how long until you can’t handle it.

Eventually Kyle tries to let you be, but reassures you that he’s only like this because he wants the best for you, you’re his kid!

You know he wants the best for you, and that he only means well..

I see Kyle as the most protective out of the Main 4, but that doesn’t mean he’s intense with it.

He just wants to make sure you aren’t in any trouble or harm, and he wants to help you if you are.

Kyle wants to support you in all of your hobbies and dreams, no matter what they are.

Even after countless years, Kyle still has dreams or thoughts of Cartman coming back to somehow screw with him again, this time being with you.

Part of this is why he never wants to introduce you to his friends just like Stan, but he is partially open to Stan..

Since it was confirmed in Post Covid that Kyle became a counselor, I believe that he would be perfect at comforting you with any troubles or worries you could have ever had.

If you ever have problems or troubles, who else can you really tell other than him? He’s your dad after all, he understands.

Once you start exploring and finding love interests, he wants to support you with it as much as he possibly can.

Kyle never had much luck in romance his entire life, so he wants you to have a different fate.

He hopes you can be happy in life, all he wants is to satisfy you in this lifetime.

Even with all this, Kyle genuinely really cares about you, and he’ll always love you no matter what you decide to do with your life.

“What’s wrong? You know you can always talk to me.”

Kenny Mccormick

Personally, I also see Kenny as a good dad as well.

Kenny as really been through a lot, and he doesn’t want you to experience what he did as a child.

His childhood was incredibly rough, poor lifestyle in an abusive and unstable household that was the worst combination for him.

Even though Kenny has been through so much, he still manages to attempt and cheer up his family like Karen, and I see the same for you.

Even though now as an adult he’s doing much better, he still carries on to the caring and compassionate traits.

Kenny wants to spoil and get you all the things he could never have as a kid, but still wants to make sure you aren’t spoilt.

I think he would be okay with you meeting his friends, not Cartman though.

Kenny has been shown to do numerous things for money in the past, and I feel like he would do the same for you.

Instead of money as a reward, his reward would be having you happy and content.

He’s used to amounts of crying in his childhood, but it still hurts when he sees you cry.

Kenny feels as if he’s done something wrong, and similar to Stan, he doesn’t know what to do and feels lost.

He is more mentally stable than Stan though, he pushed through it and still takes care of you as best as he ever will.

Kenny has had multiple love interests throughout his lifetime, but never really found that perfect one.

Once you start growing up and gaining crushes, he would support you in finding love like Kyle, but he would be more weary about it.

He just wants to make sure that you’re okay and safe when finding the right person, your safety and happiness means the most to him.

Let’s not forget about his death curse..

Unfortunately, Kenny’s curse of always dying as a kid carries on to his adulthood, constantly killing him.

He remembers how you would cry every time and get traumatized by his death, but then suddenly forgetting about it the next morning.

Kenny eventually discovered that he had a less chance of dying once wearing less of the color orange.

He wants you to make the most of your life, exploring and experimenting with possibilities.

Kenny would be the type of dad to try finding hobbies that you like. One time he tried baking with you, it was pretty fun for the most part! The house almost burnt down.

With all this, Kenny would be a pretty good father, single or not. He cares about you with his life, and that’s all that matters.

“What do you think about pets? A cat maybe?”

Eric Cartman

Cartman is a huge handful, and he can be difficult in so many ways.

It’s not a surprise that he’s the worst dad here, but makes you the worst kid as well.

I genuinely don’t see him as a good dad, unless we’re talking about Post Covid before that future was replaced.

Cartman might make some effort to care, but it definitely won’t be a lot. He either does nothing or something, no in between.

He is not the protective type, possibly the exact opposite on the scale when he feels like it. Though there are times he shows care for you, it’s rare though.

Cartman is known to be manipulative, and he will guilt trip you in any way once you’ve gotten on his nerves, mostly talking about how hard it is being a dad and trying to connect with you.

When you were a child, you accidentally crashed into Kyle’s car with Cartman’s, he was actually proud of you.

I see Cartman as the type of dad to ask you to pass the remote while he’s sitting arm length away from it, purposely knowing you’re in the other room.

He wouldn’t necessarily care to have you meet his friends, the only benefit he really sees is rubbing it in Kyle’s face that he has a kid while he doesn’t.

Even thought Cartman isn’t a good father or person in general, there are times where he genuinely feels a want to take his role seriously and raise you properly.

It’s not like he neglects you, it’s just that he doesn’t really care or feel the need to always associate you with him.

Maybe if you could take after him, he would like you more, or maybe he would just dislike you even more..

Part of you wants to have a good relationship with your own parent, but Cartman doesn’t seem to really care much.

There are times where he might actually start taking care of you, but it’s slim.

Once you start getting crushes and falling in love, Cartman tells you about his old relationship with Heidi, and obviously twists the story..

He doesn’t care about who you date much, but you don’t understand the reason why he’s adamant and strict about who you can and can’t go for.

“Don’t you understand how hard it is taking care of you? Give me some space..”

#stan marsh x reader #eric cartman x reader #kyle broflovski x reader #kenny x reader #south park x y/n #south park #south park x reader #kenny mccormick #stan x reader #kyle x reader #south park kyle #stan marsh #eric cartman #eric

[pinkrifle]

Hello ml!<3 i was wondering if you could do yandere team stan and craig x reader platonic please! Like they see reader as a little sister!^^

hi lovely! i do not take SP requests anymore buttttf this seems really easy, so i should be able to do this !

saying this rn i’m so sorry if this is short #_# <\3 i’m sorry if i missed a character or two aswell!

only team stan right now as i can’t really think of much to do for team craig, sorry once more! D:

Stan Marsh -

a little careful not to bring you around his friends too much.. especially cartman AND COVERS UR EARS EVERYTIME ONE OF THEM SAYS A DIRTY JOKE LOL (no matter how old you are!1!1!)

would 100% go off on anyone who tries to mess with you (and Kyle would probably join him too) , ya don’t F with family, folks!

trades his lunch or snacks at lunch to give them to you!! loves seeing the look on your face when you get a snack size pack of skittles. Even if it’s super small your face always lightens up and he just laughs and feels very proud of himself after

he makes sure shelly isn’t too mean to you, let’s her rip on him instead if she gets a little aggressive with you (she wouldn’t really go that far dw <3)

Eric Cartman -

GETS YOU IN TROUBLE ALL THE TIMMEEEE

(don’t worry he always does something in return after. begrudgingly and hesitantly.) (he just feels bad)

brings you on all of his little dangerous adventures but makes sure you stay safe all the time,, if you get hurt EVER he’s SOOO dramatic. begging for a hospital!

if any of his friends (aka rest of team stan) dare to say anything to you (they don’t cuz they don’t care) he will 100% be dramatic ALLO OVER AGAIN, threatens to beat up his friends (he can’t rlly) and is nice to you for the rest of the day!!

steals cute stuff from other classmates and brings them to you, steals snacks from people and brings them to you!! probably stole some snacks from stan that he planned to give to his own little sibling

Kenny McCormick -

tones down his dirty jokes when with you, and also does not let you around his friends LMAO

loves hanging out with you, karen, and kevin! at first he was really hesitant on stuart and carol having you (like with karen) but loved you so much after your born!!

protects u FOR LIFE. is basically also your guardian angel when he’s in his mysterion costume! when your in the foster home thing(?) he’s visiting you like crazy and bringing you treats aswell. makes sure you never get beaten up in the basement by the parents

loves whenever you show him something you like. Anime? cartoons? etc? your not cringe to him at all! he likes weird shit too, trust. Watches and plays everything you show him <3

a video game MASTER! having any trouble with a boss fight? he’s got it. Cant find an item? he already has it and is gonna trade it to you!!

Kyle Broflovski -

takes care of you and Ike RELIGIOUSLY. love you two both to death!

plays dolls/action digs with you even if your in middle school or whatever (in the event he’s in HS or whatever) , he doesn’t want his little siblings to ever grow up! brings a tear to his eye.

every Hanukkah he makes sure you get the best presents and NEVER lets your presents break, always has them in pristine condition ! hates seeing you sad , it affects him more than he’d like to admit.. he also gives you his hat to wear when your a little down!

bakes and cooks with you, he’s pretty okay at cooking but if your bad it’s no problem! he’s willing to teach you the 3 dishes he knows how to make LMAO. If your better than him at cooking? EVEN BETTER, teach him! but he’ll be a little embarassed to learn stuff from his little sibling

having trouble with homework? he’s on it! he won’t let you cheat on anything, but he’ll help you and guide you to the right answer.

Never let’s people talk shit about you or make fun of you, he will fr fight his friends if they dare to do that.

heya! thanks for requesting, i haven’t been really willing to write lately but this got me off my booty!!! i really should open my tf2 and scp foundation reqs.

sorry again i couldn’t do team craig! i hope these were good enough, feel free to request this again some time if i’m ever active again! <3

#（✿ ◞◟）🫧 marj writes! ﹒ #south park x reader platonic #south park x reader #south park #kyle brovlofski x reader #kyle broflovski #eric cartman x reader #eric cartman #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mcormick x reader #kenny mccormick

[idabbleincrazy]

Never a Wish Better Than This (1/?)

Fandom: Smallville

Rating: E

Pairing: Clex

Characters: Clark, Lex, others mentioned

Word Count: 3005

Warnings: fix-it fic, season 4, first person pov, switching pov, feelings

Summary: Clark turns 18, Lex takes one last chance at making things right between them.

A/N: so, yeah...I never write in first person for fic, but it just felt right for this one. set between Blank and Ageless, with references to s1-4 throughout. hope you like my first attempt at a Clex fic!

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"I owe you my life, Clark. I'll never forget that."

"I guess adrenaline is really a powerful thing, Clark. Good thing, too, or all three of us would be dead now."*

"Yes, I was looking into the accident, but I'm done with that. There's nothing under the surface I need to know."

"I had to kill him, Clark, you understand that right? He hurt you, he was going to kill your father. I had to."

"I put too much trust in a pair of pretty green eyes, and nearly lost everything. I let her too close and almost paid for that mistake with my life, and your father's freedom. And, once again you saved me."

"You know, my father told me, every Arthur needs his Merlin. But even Merlin couldn't save Arthur from falling in the end. Luckily, I have you, Clark. Let's just hope you can keep me from a one way trip to Avalon."

"I wish you could trust me, Clark, really trust me. I just can't stop feeling like there's something important you've kept hidden from me, since the day we met. And, every time I think you're close to finally telling me, you veer off course."

"I'm glad you're back to normal, repressed, farmboy. Rebellion isn't really your color, Clark. But, if you ever need to borrow the Ferrari again, make sure it stays within the town limits."

"I'm not sure if I'm more relieved or disappointed, knowing for sure you're not my brother, Clark. It would have been nice, growing up with you, but at least you aren't tainted by Luthor blood." 

"I'm sorry about Ryan, Clark. Guess I was wrong, you really would make a great brother."

"Naman and Sageeth, Warrior Angel and Devilicus…I hate when stories don't give the details on how two people go from being best friends to sworn enemies."

"I'm sorry about how often your family gets drawn into the Luthor chaos, Clark. I hope you don't regret our friendship."

"I truly am sorry about my part in Eric Marsh coming after you and your parents, Clark. I wouldn't have bailed him out if I had known. The last thing I would ever want is for your family to be hurt."

"My memory of my actions shortly before I was admitted to Belle Reve are hazy at best, but if the pain I'm told I caused you and Lana really happened, I'm sorry, Clark. I only hope I didn't do anything too…untoward, with you, beyond nearly shooting you. Only, I keep getting a fuzzy picture in my head, when I try to remember. You, and me, in the loft. I was singing a lullaby. Suddenly, I was right next to you, and then there was this warmth, your warmth, surrounding me. Whenever I think of that moment, my lips ache."

"Why won't you let me help you, Clark? I could protect you from my father, if you would just open up to me. What is so damned important about those caves that we just keep circling back to them? What are those drawings to you?"

"I appreciate your worry, Clark, but isn't it a bit hypocritical to keep pushing me to reveal my most tumultuous secrets, while denying me your own?"

"You chose right with Pete, Clark. I envy his strength. I'm sorry he had to move. But it's probably safer this way, for both of you."

"I'm glad I can call you my friend again, Clark. I'm sorry I messed it up the first time around. These have been the loneliest five months of my life. I've grown too used to you showing up on my doorstep when I least expect it."

"What is it that you're hiding from me, Clark? What did I learn in those seven weeks that just keeps eluding me? All these secrets and lies…I don't know how much more I can take."

"There's a darkness inside me, Clark, and it scares me. One small lapse in judgment, and I could hurt everyone I care about."

May 3rd, 2005

Lex's POV: 

So many starts to conversations that ended before they really went anywhere. So many opportunities to get closer, to rid ourselves of the distance between us, to bring to light the secrets that stained and strained our friendship. But then, that was why I was usually the one ending them, wasn't it? Even when I was the one who started it. Pulled away, put the walls back up, slipped that mask of cool indifference back on, before he could get too close. Because if he did, how could I resist?

How would I be able to walk away, sane and whole, if he closed that gap? If he bared his soul, spilled all his secrets, how could I keep him pure? That beautiful, innocent, pristine farmboy, would only be tainted if he got that close. Too young, too naive…I would have ruined him. I still might.

I could count the number of people I have ever cared about almost as much as I care about Clark on one hand, with three digits left to spare. I would call it love, if I thought I still had the ability to feel that particular emotion. I've tried for nearly four years to keep him at arm's length. Tried for four years to let myself have the one thing I wanted even more than my father's approval. Four years of yearning, dreaming of thick, black hair, and piercing green eyes. Haunted by pouting lips that could drive angels to sin, and hands big and strong enough to catch them when they fell. 

Will I ruin this perfect, flawed, creature once I have him in my arms? After he has saved me countless times since that first life-changing, life-ending…life-starting…day on the bridge, could I take the chance that I won't destroy him? Can I really resist the chance to find out? Even a saint's patience has its limits. 

How many trips to Suicide Slums have I made, finding just the right shade of green eyes, the right pair of plump lips, shoulders just broad enough, to make the endless need go away, just for a little bit? Just long enough to pretend I didn't ache every time Clark walked through my door. That I didn't want anything more than to push him down onto the leather couch in my office and despoil that paragon of perfection. Tan, dark haired men aren't too hard to find, if you know where to look, if you have the right connections, and the wallet big enough to back it up. So eager to please, to kneel, to worship the Luthor cock. But none of them, not one, close enough to his perfection to sate my hunger for his presence. 

This past year has been the hardest, months spent trying to salvage the wreckage of our friendship. The mysterious and creepy misadventure of my father somehow switching bodies with Clark. Chloe's wild and out birthday party, that I'm sure I still don't have all the details on. Being framed for the murder of an innocent woman by a scorned one-night-stand, both of whom I only even glanced twice at because of features that made me think of Clark. Almost killing the entire Kent family with one of my ill-thought experiments. Watching Jason and Lana, envious of what they had, wanting that with Clark. Their age gap had been the least of their problems, and seeing them together had given me hope, even if they had ultimately parted ways. I know it's a small town with even smaller world views, but still…

There I go, getting ahead of myself again. Thinking like I know for a fact that Clark feels the same way I do, that the attraction is mutual. But, I've seen the looks he's given me over the years. The deer-in-the-headlights look I see when we're playing pool and I've just turned around from taking my shot, his gaze quickly flitting up to mine, and away, his next move fumbled. Felt the lingering touches, like he didn't want to have to pull away. He's the only one I let touch me so casually, you know? The only one I willingly hug, even if the embrace is painfully shorter than I care for. Even lovers aren't allowed to touch more than necessary to bring me off. I flinch from my father's hand whenever possible, my skin crawling with unease when he manages to act out his parody of paternal love. 

But, how many times have I greased the way into Lana's heart for Clark? Sure, they were mostly misguided attempts to rid myself of the temptation he posed. And still, through all their back and forth, they just couldn't make it work. It gave me hope that I tried to ignore, Clark's inability to settle for either Lana or even Chloe. …Or Alicia, who seemed to be both girls wrapped in one, beautiful and brilliant, but so very troubled; though, given how long he'd mourned her, she may have come the closest to keeping his heart. 

How many times, during our talks, have I seen those cow eyes darken, ever so slightly, before the faintest flush of color rose on his cheeks, making him turn away, his speech suddenly stumbling? How many of my loaded comments have left him speechless, the untrippable boy now awkward as a fawn taking its first steps. Is it such a stretch to really believe there's a possibility of him returning my affection? 

The Grandfather clock in the corner strikes the hour, and I stand from my chair. Time to bring some kind of resolution to the circles we seem to run around each other. One way or the other. But first, one more look at Clark's gift. I hope it's one he'll accept without all the hemming and hawing that's followed every other token of my appreciation and affection.

Clark's POV: 

I had almost given up hope of him accepting my invitation. What excitement can a small gathering of friends at a farm in Kansas hold to draw the attention of a world-savvy billionaire? Fried chicken and homemade cake could hardly compare to caviar and creme brulee. But still, I could hope. Hope that he'll show up, even for a minute, hope that he'll help give this regrowing friendship a fighting chance. 

It's hard to keep that hope for friendship from spreading into hope for something more. 

Since that day on the bridge, I’ve tried wrapping my mind around so many feelings, so many confusing urges. It was worse in the beginning, my body going through so many changes, both human and alien. Learning bits and pieces of the truth of who I am. Still so much left unknown. 

As my mind wanders, I look over at my friends. Pete showed up this afternoon, a surprise. Said he couldn't miss the only birthday party I've ever thrown. He'll probably have to leave soon if he wants to make it back to Wichita before curfew. Chloe, with her bright, bubblegum smile and knowing eyes, doing her best to keep Lois from annoying me too much. Lana, demure smile in place, eyes flitting over to me every so often. My heart twinges with a good dose of guilt every time she does. 

I still hold a place for her in my heart, but it's not the same. Hasn't been since he moved in, really. Lana was the girl next door, the one I thought I would always see as the love of my life. But, since that day on the bridge, slowly, but surely, things have changed.

Saving Lex was the catalyst for so much change. That not-really-a-kiss threw a wrench into everything I thought I knew about myself. It was only CPR, but from the first press of my lips against Lex's, it was like the whole world had shifted. And not just mentally. It was as if bringing Lex back to life had been a jumpstart on a molecular level. Before, I'd always been strong and fast and practically indestructible, but within a few weeks of meeting Lex, up popped the x-ray vision. God, that was an embarrassing couple of weeks while I got it under control. The vague dreams I'd been having got slightly more focused after I caught a flash of Lex in his boxers before I could close my eyes. It wasn't the first time I'd woken up sticky, but before that, it had always been Lana haunting my erotic dreams, like when I'd first started waking up floating above my bed. 

I had managed to push aside the confusing feelings that were blooming since meeting Lex, mostly, until the start of my sophomore year and the height of the heat wave. How many fires did I almost start, thinking of Lex? Those were the worst few months. Especially while Desiree was around. Talk about confusing. Didn't help that Chloe had to chime in with her observation that Desiree looked like a female version of me. Suddenly all I could think of was Lex giving me the sultry, sloe-eyed stares he'd been giving her. 

After that, my imaginings decided they were no longer happy secluding themselves to my sleeping hours. The first time I touched myself to thoughts of Lex happened shortly after Desiree's spell over him was broken. None of my jerk-off sessions had ever led to that powerful an orgasm. Thank God my parents weren't home; I don't think I'd have had the higher brain function required to explain the scream that accompanied my explosive release.

After my mini freak out over the careening change in direction of my fantasies, I did some…research. Let's just say, I really hope my parents don't do any in-depth searching into my internet history any time soon. My dad really doesn't need another heart attack. 

Through the wonders of the internet, I discovered that, yeah, maybe I did have some attraction to guys. None of the porn I stumbled across made me feel quite as aroused as my Lex-based daydreams, but I couldn't deny that there had been some definite tightening of my jeans as I watched. I also discovered that my attraction to girls may have lessened, but not entirely disappeared. Lana still entered my dreams from time to time; and there was that one really haunting visit where she showed up while Lex and I were tangled together, and instead of the freak-out dream-me had expected, she eagerly joined in. That had led me down a whole other rabbit hole. 

But, still, life continued on, with just another secret about myself to hide beneath my naive, bumbling exterior. I think I've managed to keep my growing attraction to Lex a secret from nearly everyone. Except maybe from Chloe. She's altogether too good at ferreting out the truth, and I've seen some of the looks she's given me when the conversation turns to Lex, or when he shows up with yet another extravagant gift I can't keep. If anyone knows, it would be her. Has she seen it there, on my face? The longing? The need? Are they the same looks I never managed to recognize her casting my way…the same looks I sometimes still see her give me when she thinks I'm not looking? 

Things only got harder after tenth grade. After I ran away in a haze of red Kryptonite, guilt-ridden over the aftermath of my decision to destroy the ship and bitter over Lex's latest marriage. Metropolis opened my eyes to a world of new experiences. While Clark was busy hiding from the pain he'd caused and the struggle of figuring out whether he still loved Lana the same way he always had or if Lex had slowly but surely replaced her atop that lonely pedestal, Kal was having the time of his life. 

No rules, no chores, no curfew, and just legal enough. Oh yeah, Kal had no qualms about living it up in the big city. And now I've got a brain full of memories, memories of experiences I'd rather have explored with people I'd known for more than an hour. I mean, I'm still a…virgin…in all the ways that count the most, but there were plenty of firsts that got checked off the list during those months of self-imposed exile. But, I confirmed without a doubt that I am definitely, undeniably, bisexual.

I knew Lex had supplanted himself ahead of Lana in my romantic leanings when the sight of her with Jason didn't hurt the way seeing her with Whitney had. The love I felt for her had shifted. Lex is who I see now, when I close my eyes and let my hand wander beneath my boxers, smooth, pale skin and stormy eyes fill my head as I bite back my cries of pleasure. No matter how complicated and strained our friendship has become, he's the one I want. The one I need. 

The sound of a sturdy raprap against the door shakes me from my tangled thoughts. Mom goes to answer it and the slow tightening in my jeans quickly threatens to cut off all circulation of blood flow as Lex steps through into the kitchen where we're all gathered. God, why do we have to celebrate my birthday in May? Why couldn't it have been in the dead of winter, when layers and thick, form-obscuring fabrics are a necessity? 

He's wearing one of my favorite outfits of his. The sleeves of the lilac shirt strain around the deceptive muscles of his upper arms as he walks closer, his gray slacks a mix between casual and business, perfect creases shifting with each step. What skin there is that's bared to my sight is slightly reddened by the wind I knew he created on the drive over. Almost dying in an accident hasn't tempered his need for speed. I'm so lost in my ogling that it takes a nudge from Chloe to realize Lex has been speaking to me. Yeah, she definitely knows.

*******

@leatafandom (big hug and thanx for your cheerleading!)

#clex #lime #smalliville #smallville fic #clex fic

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Blue Castle chapters 12 and 13

Combining these two chapters into one post, because I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday. And these two pair well together: chapter 12 is Valancy reflecting on her life and the dinner party and chapter 13 is the rest of the Stirlings doing the same. Their conclusions, of course, are wildly different.

I don’t have much to say about chapter 12 that wasn’t covered by all of you lovely folks yesterday. I think the point about Valancy never having been able to see beauty out her window until now is really insightful -- the view hasn’t changed, but Valancy has.

Mild non-explicit spoilers: Valancy’s musing about Uncle Benjamin writing her out of the will is definitely something, given what happens with the will later.

Speaking of Uncle Benjamin, we transition into chapter 13. It only just now occurred to me that Valancy is refusing to see a doctor because she’s worried that a doctor will disclose her heart condition to the rest of her family. I assumed she was just being contrary for the thrill of it, and that may be part of it, but of course she doesn’t want to see a doctor. That would ruin everything.

“Don’t worry, Mother,” said Valancy, lightly but quite respectfully. “It isn’t likely I’ll do anything very terrible. But I mean to have a little fun.” Valancy is at heart a good girl who likes being a good girl. She doesn’t want to be loose or take up smoking and swearing, or any of the other horrible things that one might imagine of a person cutting loose for the first time. She wants to get to keep her dust pile and, to pull from a different fandom entirely, to eat eggs without permission. And that, to her family, is full insanity and tantamount to death.

I should very much like to know what Dr. Marsh thinks of all of this. I didn’t have a terribly high opinion of him previously, but this chapter does shine a new light on his character. He apparently was willing to validate Cousin Gladys’ neutritis -- and I am perfectly willing to believe that she is suffering from pain of some kind, even if “neutritis” seems to have been a nebulous catch all term for “unexplained pain” -- but she doesn’t seem to be taking anything for it other than her Redfern product of choice. Redfern products don’t seem to do any harm, as far as snake oil goes, so he in essence seems to have told her, “I believe your self-reported symptoms and if you believe this product helps with your symptoms then you should continue taking it.” Which, frankly, is decent doctring.

Especially because he married in to this family. He knows all these people, even if they seem to be a distant enough branch that they’re not expected to attend family functions. Dr. Marsh appears to have taken a path of less resistance when it comes to his in-laws but, crucially, as we see in this chapter, that path does not include indulging their every whim. He hears about Valancy doing some honestly fairly unremarkable things and refuses to join the Stirling conviction that this means she should be locked up. I’m interested in the phrasing he uses when telling Uncle James that he can’t have Valancy committed (”He pointed out to irate Uncle James—who would have liked to lock Valancy up somewhere, out of hand—that Valancy had not, as yet, really done or said anything that could be construed as proof of lunacy—and without proof you cannot lock people up in this degenerate age.”) is what he actually said or if it’s Uncle James editorializing. And, if those were his words, is that what he himself believes, or does he just know Uncle James and thought this whole thing would go faster if he conceded a couple points before standing firm on the one that mattered.

#blue castle book club #blue castle chapter 12 #blue castle chapter 13

[stupendouspeanutstarlight]

Undiscovered Future - pt.9

Sorry about the long wait everyone and anyone on the tallest please let me know if you would like to be removed. I lost motivation to write anything for awhile, but with more spare time I will try and continue with updates.

______________________________________________________________

Over the last week, Savanna hadn’t really seen Aonung around. He had gone off with the hunting party right after their flight on Daisy. Savanna hadn’t intended to, but she had been finding herself walking by the shore to see if the hunting party had returned everyday. She had even tried to discreetly ask Tsireya about their return. Her family noticed her frequent absences and long walks down by the shore, Neteyam decided to intercept her one morning. 

Falling into step with his sister, Neteyam spoke, “Hey Sav! Where are you off to this early?”  

“Just off to take a walk on the shore.” Trying to act casual, Savanna’s tail kept twitching in anticipation. She couldn’t help but wonder if today was gonna be when he came back. 

“Well if you’re just walking, would you like to come with me to the forest? Tsireya said there's a good spot for picking fruit.” 

Freezing, Savanna’s stomach was swirling anxiously, “Oh, now?” She wanted to see Aonung when he returned, but didn’t even know what she would say. She definitely didn’t know how to get out of going with Neteyam. 

“Yes, definitely right now!” Snorting Neteyam gives Savanna a questionable look, “Meeting someone at the beach?” 

Choking on her tongue, Savanna broke into a coughing fit. “No! Why would you think that!” A purple blush was spread over her face. 

A sly smile spread across his face, “I’m just joking around! Common lets go.” Dragging a moping Savanna in tow, Neteyam chuckled to himself. Savanna’s tail was thrashing anxiously, she watched as the beach disappeared from view. 

After collecting an assortment of fruits Neteyam, and Savanna dropped them off at their pod and decided to explore more of the village. They were wandering around aimlessly for a while when Ronal intercepted them. Her face was stern and read of indifference. Neteyam and Savanna were immediately drawn to attention and their lighthearted banter came to an end. Savanna could sense the unease in her brother; Neteyam’s tail thrashing back and forth. After a long pause Ronal spoke, “Savanna Sully, I have heard you are getting increasingly better under the water.” Her statement felt more like a question, but gave Savanna confidence. 

Feeling Ronal’s burning gaze, Savanna straightened her posture even more and spoke, “I have previous underwater experience and your daughter has been an excellent teacher.” 

“Oh? Previous experience? How is it that none of your family has this experience?” Ronal’s gaze was tight, but intrigued. Her face is always a stern neutral, other than when Neytiri managed to rile her up. 

Neteyam tilted closer to Savanna, providing her with comfort by placing his hand on her back. “I was separated from my father for some time, but I'm retired now. I was raised among the marshes and their people.” 

“I see.” Ronal’s intense gaze studied the siblings. She did not relent until Tonowari had joined her side. 

Greeting his mate and the Sully children he exclaimed, “I see you have found the young warrior! Savanna, Have you thought about our proposal?” 

Neteyam’s face became rigid, his body tense and anxious. He was about to speak when Savanna placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and began, “We have not had the chance to discuss it yet, but what might this proposal be?”

“Ronal, Neytiri and I have been discussing the possibility of you taking your first out of reef hunt. It would be nearby at a local group of uninhabited islands.” Seeing the concern grow on Neteyam’s face Tonowari continued, “She will not be alone; Savanna will be accompanied by another young hunter from our clan, Aonung.” 

Hearing Aonung’s name did not reassure Neteyam, it only increased his nerves about his sister being separated from him. Savanna tried to control her facial expressions, but she could not help the tinge of sadness that washed over her, “Is Aonung not still on a hunting trip right now?” 

Confusion covered Ronal and Tonowari’s faces. Ronal glanced at her mate and then addressed Savanna, “He had returned two nights ago.” 

“I see. When will we be leaving?” Savanna felt her nerves grow and a pit form in her stomach. Aonung had avoided her. 

 That night the Sully’s had huddled in their pod eating supper. The air seemed tense between Neytiri and Jake the moment that Savanna entered the tent. Everyone was sitting silently and slowly eating their food, until Jake broke the silence leading Savanna outside the pod, “So have you heard about being separated to go on this hunting trip?” His muscles were taunt and his face clouded with frustration. 

“I have. Ronal told me today, she said Aonung and I were to head out before the sun rises.” 

“You’re alright with leaving? Going with that boy? I know he has been trouble and you can handle yourself, but I don’t like not being able to watch over you?” Suddenly Savanna understood the seriousness of going on this trip; a trip with no knowledge of the terrain, no personal relations with Aonung, and the looming threat of the recoms being out there. The fear and stress in her fathers eyes wasn’t misplaced and she couldn’t help but give him a hug.

“It will be ok dad.” Savanna placed her head on her dads chest and he let out a long exhale, “Aonung might be an idiot and a bully, but I have spent time around him and he is good. He won’t allow anything to happen to me and I have more combat experience than him. Don’t forget that my mom raised a strong warrior.” 

“I know baby girl.” Squeezing his daughter tighter to his chest Jake began to untense and calm down. “I want you to take your hunting knife and gun with you. I know it is probably overkill, but it will help me not follow you the whole trip” 

“I will. I haven’t been comfortable enough to really let it go either yet. I can’t seem to sleep without knowing it’s nearby.” 

“I know the feeling.” Placing a kiss on Savanna’s head, Jake leaned back to look at his daughter, “Go to bed now you have an early morning.” 

The next morning Savanna had gotten up extra early and placed a kiss on her brother and sister heads and slipped out unnoticed. The morning was still and the sun was still below the horizon. Savanna had prepared her belongings last night and had her M60 strung across her back. Taking a side trail along the village, Savanna ventured off onto a path leading to a grove of fruit. Grabbing her pouch, Savanna gathered a hearty amount of fruits for the journey. Heading over to Aonung’s pod was causing the pit in her stomach to grow; he had avoided her when he returned, she had foolishly walked the beach shore all those days. The sun is now beginning to arise. Savanna could not understand why she wanted him around, wanted his laughter, his teasing, wanted him. Before she could spiral any further, Aonung came out of his pod rubbing his groggy eyes. His face was more handsome than she remembered, his body language loose and relaxed. She enjoyed seeing him when he wasn’t so tense. Savanna could still remember the feeling of his chest on her back, but also the cold that followed. Dread overcame her body as she realised they would need to travel on her ikiran; the both of them did not yet have a skimwing and the ilu could not travel the distance. Groaning and rubbing her palms across her face Savanna felt frustrated. The flight would be a long one.

Taglist: @elegantkidfansoul @myh3artttt @im-in-a-pansexual-panik

#aonung x reader #avatar the way of water #jake sully x daughter #avatar #jake sully #james cameron avatar #neteyam #aonung #atwow loak

[koravelliumavast]

Mistborn Era 1 character signatures

I don't know how to explain why but this is how I feel Mistborn characters signatures would look based on their personalities

Kelsier: His would have sharp lines, probably mostly capital letters, very close together, almost unreadable because the letters are almost on top of each other

Vin: Before kelsier's crew it would be small and tightly packed together. The kind of signature that is trying to be hidden. By the end of the series her signature is much more open and has a bit of a swoop to it, but is still closely wound together

Marsh: He would have a tight cursive that would be able to be written very quickly, almost unreadable in kelsier's vein as the letters are close together. But Marsh’s is actually unreadable. You can tell the “M” and the “H” and the other three letters are just all smushed together almost.

Elend: His would have straight lines and look similar to Times New Roman font. It doesn't stand out but it doesn't blend in to the background either. It’s a signature and he’s proud of it. His family tried to get him to learn cursive but he refused because he wanted to be “quirky” and “different” and “not like other nobles.”

Spook: his signature is large and sloppyas he’s tired of being in the background. The “S” looks like an incomplete 8 and the second “O” overlaps with the first giving them a linked rings look. It’s similar to Kelsiers in the unreadability vein and he likes that fact.

Dockson: Dockson has very neat handwriting as he’s the scribe for the crew. This carries over to his signature. It doesn’t stand out as much as Marsh’s but he has a very tight cursive. It’s right on the edge of being mildly unreadable but for the most part it is understandable.

Sazed: he would have that line across the middle of his “Z” but he mostly uses just a print as he never really gave a care to learning cursive as print works equally as fine.

Clubs: his would be a simple print script. No flairs as he’s not one for flair. Just his name and nothing else.

Breeze: it would have a ton of flair. He grew up noble and his signature reflects it. That being said he doesn’t write stuff down that often and gets other people to do it. His signature however would be similar to the “medieval books” font style. Mildly unreadable but in the sense of letter styling, not because of letter spacing.

Hammond: his signature would also not be very flashy. It can have a small amount of flair to it, but there isn’t much. If anything his would be the most basic cursive. The kind that you almost wouldn’t count as being cursive.

#brandon sanderson #mistborn #cosmere #books #kelsier #marsh #vin #elend #spook #kelsiers crew #Mistborn era 1 #this makes like not much sense but also a ton of sense at the same time #if anyone wants to like make their signatures based off of this #go for it!

[imaginationlandtrilogy]

I went ahead and rewatched the event because I feel as if I didn't fully watch it the first time because I was so excited. So I rewatched it and fully paid attention and I had some thoughts about Randy and Stan's relationship (+ that situation) because it was really interesting to me.

So here's my understanding of the situation. Pretty much following from where the show took off with the Vaccination Special, Sharon wanted a divorce. However, in her divorcing him, that would mean she got half of the farm - Randy didn't believe she should get half of the farm. Stan then got frustrated with their fighting and burned down the farm to end things. However, he didn't know Randy had locked Shelly in the barn because she wouldn't do her 'weed chores', leading Shelly to burn to death. Shortly after, Sharon could not handle the loss of her daughter and shot herself.

What a dark plotline! I know South Park isn't shy to include things like this in their plots, but I often forget, so this was, like, right up front. It was really surprising.

First things first, I think it hurt me more knowing Sharon killed herself (and shot herself, at that - that's a painful way to go). I can't stop imagining how distraught and torn apart she must have been. Sharon has never outwardly been suicidal before, so it's especially heart-wrenching to hear this. I'm sure she was well aware that if she killed herself, she would be leaving Stan with Randy, and well, she was okay with that. She would rather have died, leaving her son with Randy (who has been shown to be quite reckless) and without a mother than live in a world with what happened. Think about it. Randy is driving her crazy, she's stressed, she's unhappy, Randy doesn't want to give her half of the farm, and then in the midst of all this, the farm burns, and her daughter along with it.

In a family, if there is one common person (i.e. an abusive parent) that is disliked, an odd bond is formed between those people. I don't know how to explain it, but... Okay. Randy has his issues to work through, but he's stubborn. He drags his family along in his actions, despite what they may want. At the point of S23 ("Season Finale", to be more specific), it's very safe to say they dislike Randy. At the thought of Randy being imprisoned for a long time, they're ecstatic. They're... okay with it. Although Randy is just a character, he's just a person to us, but to them, that's family. He's a husband, he's a father... Imagine how broken a family must be for the kids and wife to bond over... their hatred of a member of their family. They must've felt trapped and helpless, and... well, they could never really get away from Randy. He lived with them, he was a part of their lives. However, there was a common feeling shared with Sharon, Shelly, and Stan and that was their shared experience of living with Randy. All the drama, hijinks, being pulled around with whatever he wanted to do next. They experienced that together and they are the only ones that know how that feels. That is what I mean by an odd bond of hating a family member. It's a very real thing and it's an experience that you can only fully know if you've been in that situation. It's just such a twisted thing to bond over and I think that really amplifies the troubles of the Marsh family.

Back to Sharon's suicide. The farm burning down could be traced back to Tegridy Farms itself and to Sharon, that's yet again another one of Randy's "stupid dreams". This was the last straw. Ultimately, Randy's dream had ended up killing her daughter and that was too much for her to handle. She couldn't live in a world like that. And even more so, there's one thing I'm not including - the in-between. When I say that, I mean the time between Shelly's death and Sharon's suicide. It's safe to say Sharon didn't see Shelly dead and automatically shoot herself, but rather, I guarantee there was some time in-between. Randy blamed Sharon and Shelly's death on Stan, so it's very likely he blamed Shelly's death on Stan when it happened. This is just a speculation/theory of what happened, but I would imagine Randy would have tried to take the blame off of himself and put it on his son... This would really just put the nail in the coffin and drive Sharon to the edge. It's not the fact that Shelly died that made Sharon kill herself, it's everything around it. It's her daughter dying, it's Tegridy Farms, it's her son burning the farm, it's (likely) Randy putting the blame fully on their child. It's everything. That's what broke Sharon.

After this, we know Randy put the blame on Stan. He didn't want to take the fault. He insisted it was Stan's fault that his sister died and his mother killed herself. I could imagine that this was the separation, this is what made Stan cut himself off from Randy as much as he could. But... who was there for him? His friends weren't, they broke off their friendship. Stan's sister and mother were dead and he had no one to go to. He sulked. He didn't make an effort to move past it. It's the same as it was in "You're Getting Old" and "Ass Burgers", he didn't make an attempt to move past the things dragging him down. Rather, he let them pull him down until he was so low, it was impossible to get back up. He likely spent his whole life with hatred for Randy, not living for himself, but living with that moment his sister and mother died in the back of his mind. He blamed Randy. Randy blamed him. They were both so stubborn, it was an irreparable relationship and they both chose to sit and sulk all of their lives. They're so alike and ultimately, that caused the final blow to their relationship as a family.

More on Stan, though. I thought he was incredibly well-developed as an adult. I like his design, I like his demeanor, it really tells so much about him - he's sad. He's lonely, he's depressed, he's angry. He's not willing to accept help from anyone or kindness, at that. He constantly pushes people off and insists that he's only in South Park for Kenny. The only "person" that he has is an Alexa that mimics a wife. This is my theory on the Alexas, as it is the future and it was never fully stated. I assume the Alexas are in a similar situation to Androids in Detroit: Become Human. Androids were meant for purposes of the humans - they were an aid of some sort. Whether it be chores, companionship, sex, anything... There was an Android for it. Even children! That's what I believe Alexas to be in this futuristic universe. That is why Alexa acts so similar to a wife - she acts as a companion to Stan and in my speculation, that's what Stan wanted her to be. Even further, their relationship is a little toxic. He sits around drinking all day and she nags him. They argue constantly. I could definitely see this mirroring Stan's perspective of Sharon and Randy's relationship when he was younger. He doesn't know anything else and this toxicity follows him - he thrives in it. He and this Alexa don't get along, but he keeps her around because it's a sense of companionship when he's not willing to accept it from a person. He is so much like Randy and whether or not he realizes it, he doesn't do anything about it.

Upon my first watch, it really hurt hearing Randy say, "I don't have a son" with such anger in his eyes and contempt in his voice. It was very clear he kept that anger from that day inside all these decades and never let it go. It kept hurting and he let it hurt. It's as if he didn't want to get better because there was no use getting better. I don't doubt Randy was hurt by the situation, but he wasn't willing to let himself admit that. Rather, he put so much of his pride in Tegridy Farms that he treated it as his own child. After all, all the "dreams" he had so many years ago, Tegridy Farms is the one that was a real success (I'm not counting Lorde, given the outcome of that). It was sort of like a trophy to him, making all those failed dreams worthwhile. He even gloated to Sharon and Shelly about how they were wrong and he was right. It was a matter of his dreams and his pride, which he put into Tegridy Farms. He put so much of his time and energy and being into this weed farm that it engulfed him. He was Tegridy Farms. I think that's why he wouldn't admit he had any part of it because if he did that, it would be taking Tegridy Farms down with him. Tegridy Farms was his pride and joy, he refused to admit any fault with it because that would mean he was wrong - that this was just another "stupid dream" of his. At the end of the day, Tegridy Farms was top priority - not his friends, not his family, but this success he had after so many years of trial and error.

Something else I wanted to take note of was how when Randy heard that Kenny had mentioned Tegridy Farms in his research, he assumed it was for good, saying "He knew it was the way to fix it all." Rather... Tegridy Farms caused the problems, didn't it? Randy had attempted to cure COVID-19, but instead, made the situation worse by giving everyone mustaches and escalating the chaos. However, Randy is so certain that Tegridy Farms is the solution and is in no way a negative, he is unable to see the problems it has caused. He even went as far as to say that China (an enemy of Tegridy) is what caused Stan to burn down the farm. This is absurd, as there was no correlation between Stan's actions and China. Stan burned down the farm because Randy and Sharon were arguing about it. Yet, Randy seemed to have convinced himself that in no way could the deaths of Shelly and Sharon be rooted in Tegridy Farms - it had to be China. That made Tegridy the "good guy". He's put his entire life into defending Tegridy Farms and he's not letting go. He's not moving past his faults and he's not willing to admit anything because he has convinced himself that Tegridy was worth it, that Tegridy has been worth it all these years of defending it, no matter what he's lost in the process.

#sp spoilers #south park #meta #(i really like this one... first time writing anything on the marsh family) #☆ #pc

[ophelia-writes]

fragile - xiao x reader

warnings: mild language

being one of the most prominent young designers in teyvat meant that you were on the road constantly. by now, you were used to it, of course— you had found a temporary “home” in every region that you visited. that way, if you ever had to come back, you would at least have some sort of familiarity. it just so happened that one of those homes was wangshu inn.

due to liyue being the city of commerce, you found yourself having to travel there a lot, be it for business meetings, selling your works at festivals, or even the occasional commission from some of liyue’s most affluent families. at this point you were on a first-name basis with the inn’s owner, verr goldet, and you stayed in the same room every time. you liked it there. it was quiet and peaceful, and the golden light of dihua marsh made for a surprisingly inspiring atmosphere, so you usually ended up getting some extra work done. however, tonight was one of those nights when inspiration just refused to strike.

you quietly climbed the stairs to the upper balcony, the wood floors sending a cold shock to your bare feet. you hoped that a bit of cool night air would get your ideas flowing. but when you got there, it seemed the balcony was already occupied.

leaning with his back facing you stood a slender man— a boy, even— the wind gently tussling his turquoise hair. you froze, unsure of whether you should leave and look for another spot. however, before you could turn around and make a graceful exit, the man turned around, his intense amber eyes locking with yours.

“what are you doing here?” he asked, his voice quiet and disinterested. you stood there, gaping. there was no need to be rude! you were a guest of the inn, after all, and you just as much of a right to be there as he did.

“if you must know,” you began, folding your arms, “i needed a little fresh air. but i don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

the man scoffed. “you mortals have no respect for the adepti.”

wait, the adepti?? as in, the protectors of liyue? you thought those were only a legend. surely this asshole couldn’t be…

whatever, it didn’t matter anyway. you weren’t from liyue in the first place, so you didn’t really owe this guy anything, adeptus or not. “hm, is that so,” you replied sarcastically, setting your materials down on the balcony floor. “maybe we ‘mortals’ just have bigger problems to deal with than appeasing the egos of some hypothetical wannabe archons.” you heard the man make an indignant sound, clearly offended by your words. but you never look up from your work.

the so-called adeptus cast you a glance, watching your delicate artisan’s fingers sweep over the fabric with an elegance that he would never expect. how could someone with such a sharp tongue be so gentle with their work?

when you caught him staring, he quickly looked away, a tint of rose dusting his cheeks. “what is it, mr. adeptus? want me to make you a pretty dress too?” you teased, although you were only half joking. he would actually look pretty good in a dress.

“of course not, i—” he cut himself off, an annoyed look in his eyes. “i was simply surprised by how fragile you are.”

you dropped your needle and thread, leveling him with a deadly glare. “how what i am?” you asked incredulously, rising to your feet. “you’re the fragile one, what with your delicate ego and all.”

the adeptus crossed his arms, staring stubbornly out at the marsh below. “i don’t know why i’m even entertaining this conversation,” he said after a moment of silence. this time, his words weren’t laced with malice— honestly, he sounded rather defeated. you wondered if perhaps you had gone too far with the adepti slander. you were a bit of a diva these days, as your friends were prone to telling you. maybe coming to liyue and insulting their beloved guardians wasn’t such a great idea.

“hey, i’m sorry.” you leaned against the railing beside him, your height nearly level with his. you weren’t a particularly tall person, but for so reason you just never expected someone of his demeanor to be so… small.

so fragile, as he so kindly put it.

he let out a grunt of some kind, and you assumed that meant that he wasn’t really interested in saying anything else. “you know, if you really are an adeptus, then i guess meeting you was kind of lucky, right?” you said, almost more to yourself than to him. “i mean, some people spend their whole lives trying to seek audiences with the adepti, and here i just happened to stumble upon one during my midnight stroll. it’s kinda funny.”

you stood there in an awkward silence, not sure if he would ever respond. he did say that he was done entertaining the conversation, but still… you sighed, letting the breeze rustle your hair as you watched the peak of the sun start to rise over dihua marsh. it seemed that the two of you had been out there all night.

“look, i don’t expect us to be besties or anything, but could you at least tell me your name? it feels weird, having nothing to call you but ‘’mr. adeptus.’” you turned to look at him and saw the fresh sunlight glinting in his eyes, giving them a sparkle that they didn’t have before. he looked down, a small sigh escaping his lips.

“xiao,” he said quietly.

you can’t help but smile, somewhat pleased with yourself for getting him to give you any sort of personal information. “hmm… xiao,” you repeated, turning your gaze back to the mottled sky.

so the two of you watched the sunrise in silence, both so unbelievable fragile, yet so deceptively strong.

thank you for reading! if i’m being honest, i don’t usually plan things out before i write them, i just kinda have a general vibe or idea and then just kinda see what happens?? and this was one of those fics where idk where any of the ideas came from and tbh i don’t even know if it’s coherent lmao. but uh xiao is my absolute favorite character in genshin impact (ive been saving for his rerun for months) and i’ve been wanting to write for him but i just feel like he always ends up kinda ooc when i do. idk. anyways, that definitely won’t stop me from trying to write more for him in the future <3

#fanfic #fanfiction #genshin #genshinimpact #romance #writing #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #oneshots #writers of tumblr #xiao #xiao genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin impact xiao #xiao x reader #xiao fanfic #genshin xiao x reader #genshin impact xiao x reader #fragile #idk what this is honestly sometimes i just start writing with no plan whatsoever #i’m so impatient #so uh yeah #xiao my beloved #best genshin boy #i love him with all my heart #i would d!e for this man #anyways #ophelia-writes

[sixteenthshen]

i need help

I read a post on Zhihu last night - “How to evaluate the finale of Word of Honor?” The top commenter’s writing just killed me.

Heavy spoilers for episode 33/34. There’re no spoilers for the episodes after that, but I can’t guarantee this if there are replies.

The rest hidden behind a cut. 

I don’t need help explaining the finale or the happy ending, bad ending whatever it is, I’ve found my own way to come to terms with it. But I can’t accept what happened in 33/34 and the lack of follow up on the core of the issue, and that’s blocking me from enjoying the “HE”. To be fair, I think I may be a bit hormonal? Because this is really making me feel like crap. 

-----

This is a comment made by a Chinese user on Zhihu: 

I only want to say; the show might as well have ended when A-Xu jumped down the cliff after WKX. Even though it's a bit lame, at least the soulmate feelings were still there.

The grand finale basically destroyed the soulmate bond built up over 20+ episodes. The essence of it is gone; all of the "candy" and "knives" feel like they've been stripped away.

I've written so much about WKX & ZZS and how they were both falling for each other, saving each other. And now it all looks like a big joke.

It turns out ZZS's soulmate is ZZH, not WKX. The mountains and rivers in the world can't compare to meeting my soulmate. Since my soulmate is gone, I might as well die. (Play on the quote from the drama, instead of why should I live, it becomes I should just die)

(The poster starts talking to ZZS directly - referring to him as you) You're really a mistreated (tortured?) concubine, aren't you? Once you decide to give your whole heart, whole person away, you somehow always end up meeting some fake evil bastard (reference to Farewell my Concubine, basically that ZZS always ends up being suckered)

When you first fell into Prince Jin's trap, it's because you were young and not yet wise to the ways of the world, and believed in the grand words of your cousin and got conned into the world of politics. Sinking into the dirtiest, muddiest of marshes.

You plotted tirelessly for 18 months, suffered through 18 months of pain from the 7 nails, and finally exchanged it for 3 years of freedom. But when you met WKX, you fell right back in again.

Heraclitus said, "You cannot step into the same river twice" <<(I think this person mixed up the meaning of this quote, cause it doesn't fit, but basically intends to say people shouldn't make the same mistake twice)

The first time you stepped into the river, you got away with only half your life. The next time you stepped into the river, you nearly lost your life 4x (under YBY's sword, when you jumped off the cliff to your death for love, pulling out your nails, exploding the mountain to cause an avalanche + suicide), in the end you became a living dead person on Changming mountain.

I don't know if I should call you a living dead man, anyway, in my heart, once you pulled out the nails from your body, cutting off any other alternative you had just to help WKX take revenge… while WKX came back from the dead, and worked with everyone present at the scene to give the performance of a lifetime, you were already dead.

What a mockery, a farce.

You gave up everything but in the end, you were nothing more than a spectator.

He wanted you to give him face, to let him go home to explain things. You quietly stepped aside and gave him the stage. He wanted your baiyi sword to demonstrate his family's sword technique, to prove his identity. You gave it to him without a second word. He cut Zhao Jing's arms and legs tendons, crippled his martial arts, finally took revenge. You were happy for him despite everything.

When Mo Huaiyang accused him of being the Ghost Valley Master, he openly admitted to it and said the entire first part was just an act. You stood in front of him, to protect him. Said he is your shidi, and stood with him without any reservations.

But he had secretly already reached an agreement with Ye Baiyi. He knew YBY wouldn't hurt him, but you didn't know and yet you still shielded him. So terribly afraid that YBY would hurt him because of his identity. 

Everyone knew this was part of the scheme he laid out, everyone participated in his scheme. Only you didn't know. Only you foolishly believed that he wouldn't be alright without you, that he needed you to help him take revenge. That he had his difficulties so he couldn't confess the truth to you, as long as he did, then you would be the first to know everything. That he was your soulmate. This word "soulmate", if said enough times, it would even be real. In this life, right up until the end, we can't even fully understand ourselves, how do we talk about others?

----- 

the source is the top voted answer here. I like this poster a lot, she shared some great things throughout the course of the drama, 3 of which were the base of poems-related posts I’ve made here. I was doing fine before, but in the course of translating this answer for a friend, I made myself feel worse.

She later forced herself to look at it from WKX’s perspective and wrote a piece on it as well, but it... was very forced and I’m not too sure she even believed it herself. She ended that part with - “this made her feel very keenly that no matter how similar two souls may be, in the end, they are still two souls. He isn’t you and he will never be you. You can work endlessly and tirelessly to be closer, but your souls can never meet.”

I... I’m too sad to translate the WKX part in order to be fair to WKX in this post (if I feel better about it, i will later? but it didn’t make me feel better at all tbh) 

Can someone who can articulate well and believe that what WKX did was right, please help to make me understand episodes 32-34 from his perspective?

My main issues are:

We never got a proper 1-to-1 discussion between WKX and ZZS over the issue. At first, they were celebrating as a group, I can accept it. There wasn’t a time or place.

But when ZZS went back to his room early and sober, when everyone else was still drinking and having fun, I felt so bad for him.

When WKX came into his room, looking for ZZS when drunk, I know it isn’t supposed to be like this - but I can’t help but feel he didn’t dare to talk to A-Xu 1-to-1. Instead he went when he was drunk to spill his heart. It can be thought of as sweet, because the first person he thinks of when he’s drunk is A-Xu... but I can’t help but find it very selfish, because it leaves A-Xu with no way to talk about things. If you’ve ever talked to a drunk while sober, you would understand what I mean, it’s a one-way conversation, you can’t get anything through.

But that conversation left A-Xu with enough guilt that he can’t come clean to WKX about what he did. How can he tell WKX that he pulled out his nails, and is about to die. To take away WKX’s happiness, when Lao Wen just told him about how happy he was to have him in his life?

Lao Wen had 0 intention to be cruel, but it ended up being more cruel. And this lack of a proper discussion between the two of them, makes me call into question the whole thing about soulmates. I believe Lao Wen loves A-Xu the best he can (with his somewhat emotionally stunted self), but he’s not putting himself in the other person’s shoes to care for them. 

Love =/= care. And by not caring enough in this matter, I feel it’s thrown him into OOC. Where is the WKX who cared so much for ZZS at the start? Where is the tenderness? 

The drama never properly addressed why WKX faked his death and not tell A-Xu. The only reason they gave was that A-Xu was heavily injured (through Wu Xi). WKX just admitted he was wrong (and should drink). That’s all.

Thankssss. 

Please don’t preach to me about the happy ending or talk about the finale. I personally can’t resolve 32-34, I have found a way to accept the ending as long as I can accept these 3 episodes.

I may not be able to immediately accept your POV but I will force myself to try to find something that fits. I want to keep shipping wenzhou :( 

#i'm not even checking my own grammar cause this is making me too emo #WKX fans and stans #please help #i added a sad gif of a-xu #because he's sad

[outerbankspreferences]

Boat Day

2197

JJ MAYBANKS x READER (PRE RELATIONSHIP)

WORD COUNT: 2197

WARNINGS: underage drinking, drugs, language.

A/N: Y/N stands for Your Name and Y/L/N stands for Your Last Name. This is my first story, so send me some request!

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Summers in the Outer Banks are the best. The days are long, the water’s warm and the fun never ends. The best thing about living here are my friends. We call ourselves the Pouges. A handed down name on this island for as long as I can remember. The Pouges are the poor kids. Work for a living to help your parents, cause trouble to have great memories to look back on when you’re older, but most importantly, a family. A lot of us don’t really have one of those. Our parents are to busy working for the Kooks to have time to spend with us.

It was another typical morning on the banks. I was getting ready to go out on the boat with my friends. It was a rare day that we all had no work and nothing to do. I was packing my cooler full of food and drinks because it was my turn to feed everyone. I was wearing my favorite t-shirt dress and I had my hair in a low ponytail and sunglasses on, my go to when it was this hot out.  I was walking onto the back porch the led to our dock right as the boat was pulling up.

“Top of the morning to ya’ sailors.” I greeted my friends. John B was at the wheel slowing down so I can hop on, Kiara was taking the cooler out of my hand and Pope was still reading. I turned to the back of the boat and saw JJ laying there, hat over his head. “What’s his problem?” I ask motioning to JJ. “He drank a little too much last night, and is now nursing a hangover.” John B explains. “Isn’t he always hungover? Here JJ I have something that will fix you, it’s my moms favorite cure.-“Oh yeah, what is it? Advil? ‘Cause I already popped like three of those before you got here.” JJ responded not moving the hat. I pulled another drink out of my cooler. “No silly, it’s to keep drinking. Can’t get a hangover if your always drunk.” JJ moved his hat slightly, looking up at me squinting, sits up takes the drink and smiles. “can’t argue with that logic.” He responds.

I finish passing the rest of the drinks out as John B steered towards the marsh with sun on our backs warming up to be a good day. As we get to our usual spot, Pope throws the anchor down and looks at me “What kinda’ sandwiches did you pack Y/N?” as he rummaged to the bottom knowing I kept them there so they would stay cold. “I packed PB&J for me and you, cucumber for our dear vegetarian Kie, and ham and cheese for these dorks.” He smiled, I always pack everyone’s favourite snacks. “That’s why we keep you around” Pope responds. I gasp, “what?” I ask dramatically. “and here I thought it was my charming personality and good looks.” Everyone starts to laugh, “Sorry sweetheart, but I already took that roll” JJ says to me with a pat on my back. I can’t help but laugh out loud. “Yeah whatever helps you sleep at night J” Kie says laughing with me. “wouldn’t you like to know” he says with wink. My heart flutters. That wink kills me every time.

I’ve had a thing for JJ since we started hanging out together. My family moved here in the eighth grade and I became friends with Kiara. We met volley ball tryouts, quickly becoming friends as if we’d know each other our whole lives. She introduced me to the Pouges, and the rest was history. When Kie started her Kook year, Pope helped me find my way around the school, and lucky for me, JJ always not to far behind.

After we’ve all had something to eat and smoked a couple of blunts it was time to go swimming. Everybody starts taking there clothes off, and jumps in. As I’m taking my dress off I can feel JJ’s eye on me. That’s when I remember I’m wearing a new bathing suit. It’s a simple pink bikini but it shows a bit more of my cleavage then normal. “That’s so cute Y/N! Where did you get it?” Kie asks while my head is stuck in my dress. “At that boutique-for fuck sakes-you know the new one-“Here let me help” I feel a pair of hands grip the dress and a small laugh, and I know the second I hear it , that JJ is coming to my rescue. My breath hitches when his hands brush against my back side. The heat of his hands linger for a minute, “You’re a dysfunctional mess Y/L/N, probably lose your head if it wasn’t attached.” JJ spoke, everyone laughing along with him. “Real comedian you are Jim Carry, I’ll have to come to one of your shows-anyways as I was saying, I’m borrowing it from the boutique that just opened on Main Street.” I tell Kie, “Do they know you’re borrowing it?”. She knew me too well. It was small habit of mind to shoplift clothes. We couldn’t really afford new ones, and I hated asking my parents for one. “No they don’t know I’m borrowing, but I’ll fix the tag when I’m done with it and return it. No one will the wiser” She scuffs at my answer. I take that opportunity to jump in the water with them.

After swimming and another round of snacking and smoking the sun is starting to set, and we are turning the boat around to head home. “Hey Y/N, do you work tomorrow?” JJ asks me. We work at the country club together. I work in housekeeping, and he works in the kitchen doing a little bit of everything. “Yeah I do, 8 to 4 cleaning the discharges. What about you?” I ask him knowing where this is going. I always pick JJ up on my way if we’re working the same shifts. Someone was to make sure he makes it there. “I go for 9 and work a 12 hour shift, think I can bunk at your place? Is your mom working night shift?” My mom is a nurse at the E.R. and when she’s not home I let him spend the night with me. My dad is away on a fishing trip so no one would know he’s there. “Yeah she’s leaving for work at 7 if you want to sleep on the couch. Just don’t smoke in the house this time. My dad could smell the weed when he got home” “sure thing”.

John B stops at Kie’s first, she’s the only one with a curfew for being out late one to many times. “Alright losers, thanks for the day, I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow. John B are you still coming by the wreck in the morning?” Kie asks him and I look at Pope, I can see him roll his eyes under his sunglasses. I was under strict orders from him not to say anything about his crush in her. “Of course, do you think you’re dad will still want me picking up shifts there, it’ll get DCS off my case for a little while.”. Kiara’s dad offered to help John B out after Big John went missing a couple of months ago. DCS was been on his case about his uncle and the bills. “He said he needed the help with the summer season starting, Charlie Hanson quit last week for his band so we’re short a dish washer” Pope finally looks up from the book he’s reading, “I’ll sleep at your place tonight and help you write resume out for him.” John B smiled at Pope. “Thanks man, I really need your wisdom” Everyone laughs. Kie gets off the boat and waves goodbye to everyone. “Next stop the Y/L/N home” JJ says, “I’m so tired I could fall asleep right here” He motions to the front of the boat. Dramatically laying across the hard plastic. It’s grown colder now that the sun has set and with that wind picks up. I’m only in my dress from earlier, cursing myself for not bringing a sweater. “Christ John can this bucket of bolts go any faster, I’m freezing my ass off” I ask with a hint of sarcasm. Moments later I watch JJ sigh deeply and throw a towel over in my direction. “You’re lucky I was too hungover to go swimming, that should keep you warm. We’re almost there.” After a short distance and many laughs we’re finally pulling up to the dock. I look up to my house, and see that my mom left the light outside on, she knew me to well. I hated walking up the yard in the dark. JJ grabs the cooler and waves goodbye to Pope and John B as they sail away.

I wave goodbye to them and turn around to see that JJ is already half way up the yard. “JJ wait up, I only have little legs!” It was our inside joke, we both love watching full house, and he was quite taller then me so I could never keep up. He was quiet the short walk up to the house holding the door open for me. As we walk into my kitchen, I lock the door, and turn the outside light off. “Do you want the first shower J?” I ask him walking to the closet to pull out the extra blankets for him to sleep with. I could hear him opening the fridge. “No, you take the first shower and use the hot water. I don’t want to listen to you complain about me using all the hot water again.” I couldn’t argue with that. My house had shit warm water. Normally enough for a quick shower, and then taking forever to reheat. After putting the blankets on the couch, I look at JJ coming out of the kitchen with just his swim trunks on. “I’m taking a cold shower anyways, it’s hot in here.” He comments taking another drink of his water. I smile and nod to him, walking to my room to get some clothes. I grab the towel from the closest hallway and a pair of pajama’s walking into the bathroom. I start the water and hop in washing my hair and body. Once I’m done I get out of shower throw my hair in a bun and get changed. I walk into the living and JJ is siting there rolling a joint and watching tv. “Did your mom upgrade from cable because I don’t remember you having this channel” he asked not looking up from his joint. Eyebrows knitted together in concentration. “Yeah she complained about the bill being to high, and they gave some extra channels for being loyal customers or something like that” I look at what he’s watching. National Geographic. “JJ since when have you liked national geographic? What are you even watching? Is that Naked and Afraid?” You hit the guide to confirm that he’s actually watching it. “Yeah, I thought it was actually going to show them naked, not blur all the good stuff. Too PG if your asking me. What’s the point of calling the show Naked and afraid if you don’t actually see them naked?” He did make a good point, honestly I never watch any the television, always opting for Netflix. “I don’t know why the call it that. But you should go shower, its getting late and we both have to work early. Do you want me to wake you up when I get up?” I ask walking into the kitchen to get myself a drink. “No you wake up at the ass crack of dawn, just wake me up before you go I’ll sleep in the car until its time for work” JJ calls as I hear him shut the door to the bathroom. Once I hear the water running, I sigh and start making the couch up for him. I grab some of the pillows from my room, and take his rolled joint and put it in baggie with his other. I put his book bag by the couch and a clean pair of shorts he left from last time.

As I’m getting into bed, I can hear the shower turn off, and shortly after the door open. As I’m lying in bed thinking about the day staring at the ceiling, I can hear JJ rummaging around the living room. My heartbeat quickens thinking that he’s in the other room. I wish I could get the courage to tell him how I feel, but the rules say other wise. When Pope told me about his crush, that’s what he said to me. “remember those stupid no pouge on pouge macking rules.” A small mantra as to not ruin our friendship together. As I’m slowing drifting off to sleep I can hear JJ call from the other room, “goodnight Y/N” and I fall asleep with a smile on my face and pain in my heart knowing the man I love is another room and not with me.

#jj outer banks #jjmaybanks #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj x reader #john b outer banks #outer banks #rudy pankow #rudy pankow imagines #rudy pankow x reader

[rekrappeter]

august || jj maybank || scout’s writing challenge

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

word count: a whopping 7.3k

summary: y/n returns to the island for her yearly visit with her cousin, Kiara. she loves everything about the outer banks, except one impossible blonde hair, blue eyed boy [enemies to friends to lovers]

warning: nothing that isn’t mentioned in the tv show therefore there is cursing, fighting, mention of abuse, underage drinking, blood || lmk if i forget anything || definitely typos || i also didn’t proofread this so sorry 

This is my first time writing for outer banks, so what better way to join a writing challenge organised by the queen herself @ptersparkers​. I hope y’all enjoy it and please lmk what you think of it  ♡ ♡

The whole month of August was dedicated to traveling to the outer banks, ever since you could remember. Your earliest memory on the island was when you were eight years old and your cousin, Kiara, almost drowned in the marsh; you remember laughing uncontrollably, not really understanding what was going on until your parents scolded you. You have always been close with Kiara; when you were away for the other eleven months of the year, you would constantly message and snapchat each other back and forward.

As you grew older, each year in obx came with new experiences. When you were thirteen, you had your first kiss on the dock with some brown-haired kook that you and Kiara were infatuated with that year. When you were fourteen, you got into your first fist fight with none other than JJ Maybanks and that was the beginning of the end for you. Ever since that eventful summer, you and JJ barely managed to be in the same room with each other without biting each other’s head off. You rued the first day you met him when you found him attractive, never more nauseated when you think of that memory. 

At the age of sixteen now, you couldn’t be more excited to go back and visit your cousin and the rest of your extended family. This time your parents weren’t tagging along and trusted you to stay safe under the watchful eye of Kiara. When you were on the phone with Kie, days before your arrival, you both gushed about the numerous adventures you were going to take together. You were back in the outer banks no longer than four hours before you were dragged down to the boneyard, a memorable place that you found bliss in. 

“Aye, there she is!” You heard John B yell over the chatter of the crowd down at the beach, he raised a red cup in your direction as a greeting. You laughed aloud, twirling before flinging yourself into his embrace. And it was official, John B gave the best hugs. 

“Hey, don’t be hogging her,” Pope whined, pulling you from his best friend’s grasp and bringing you into a rib crushing hug. Okay, maybe it was Pope that gave the best hugs. You were so overwhelmed by the love that they were showing that you hadn’t noticed the blonde-haired boy rock up next to the gang with a girl tucked under his arm. 

JJ spotted you from the moment that you stepped foot onto the beach, he was whispering into some brunette’s ear when his eyes lifted to see your figure beside Kie. His jaw immediately clenched and the sudden distaste was evident in his aura, at least that’s what he was calling the feeling of nausea that washed over him from seeing you there. He has been so busy working, he hadn’t realized that it was already August - the month he could live without for the rest of his life ever since he was introduced to you. 

The girl reached to grab his jaw to look at her, “Are you even listening to me?” She pouted, her red lipstick smudged from the earlier kisses she shared with JJ. 

JJ hummed in acknowledgement, looking at his empty cup. “Let’s go get a drink.” When he walked up to his close friends, he grimaced at you being flung around by Pope. An odd feeling was at the pit of his stomach, it was almost like a mix of regret and jealousy but he ignored it, like every other feeling he had when it came to you. “Look what the cat dragged in.” He snarled, handing his cup to John B to fill up. 

At the sound of his voice, your spine tensed up and you were released from Pope’s embrace to come face to face with your own nemesis. You ignored the girl that looked between the two of you, your friends’ breath hitched in their throat getting ready for another annual greeting. You cocked your hip, brow raised with a humorous look on your face. “Wow, JJ, surprised you haven’t ended up dead in a ditch yet.” 

JJ scoffed and rolled his blue eyes, “How many kooks are you planning on fucking this time around?” He retorted, watching your eyes narrow. If looks could kill, he knew he’d be dead five years ago. 

“Looks like you’re one step ahead of me,” You turned your attention to the confused brunette who was nibbling on her nails, “Honestly, sweetheart, if you’re lowering yourself down to this--”

“That’s enough, Y/N.” Kie interrupted you, placing a red cup in your hands and pulling you away from the blonde that sent anger through your veins. “I just don’t get it.” She sighed, sitting on a log near one of the many fires that were brewing. 

You glanced subtly over your shoulder, seeing that your friends dispersed into different crowds but he stood where you left him. JJ’s eyes found yours, neither one of you looking away at first. It wasn’t until his girl pulled his face to hers that your eye contact was broken. Your brows creased closer, confused by the sudden feeling of annoyance that erupted inside you. For the first time, you weren’t annoyed at the man himself, just the fact that he was kissing some random girl. 

A week into your visit passed by in a flash, just as it usually did. Kie kept her promise and brought you on adventures through back roads and hiking trails. On the slow days, you also helped out at The Wreck; you knew that your uncle would make you do shifts there so instead of him confronting you, you volunteered to help. It was late on Sunday, you offered to close up and let Kie go hang out with the gang. Despite her protests, she was out the door in less than ten minutes telling you to head over to John B’s when you were ready.

You plugged your phone into the speaker system, playing a random playlist that you created. The Rolling Stones blasted around the bar and you cleared off the remaining tables, twisting and turning to the music. There were no customers left and you turned off the ‘open’ sign. Just as you were about to lock the main door, your eyes spotted a number of hooded figures under the dim lights out on the street. You were about to ignore them until you realised that they were kicking the crap out of someone, and from the mop of blonde hair flinging around, you knew exactly who it was. 

“For fucks sake,” You sighed, grabbing the closest object to you and rushing out to defend JJ. “Hey!” You yelled, rushing over to the crowd and getting the three men’s attention. “Bit of a pussy move jumping someone by themselves.” 

The men, who you presumed were Kooks, didn’t scatter like you were expecting them to. Instead, they turned to look at you, eying you up. You heard JJ groan on the ground, you were surprised you could hear the sound of the beating of your heart thumbing through your body. The man in the middle stepped closer to you, “Ain’t you pretty…” He reached to caress your cheek but you slapped his hand away, earning mocking sounds of surprise from the others. 

“Look, sweetheart, we don’t want to fight with you too.” The dark-haired man hummed from beside JJ. 

“You wanna fight him, you gotta fight me too.” JJ tried to protest as the words left your mouth which earned him a kick in the stomach. The man in front of you looked back at JJ, which was the perfect opportunity for you to get your shots in. You kneed him in the groin, causing him to hiss loudly and lean forward. You threw your fist against his jaw, and then again, and another punch for good measure. He fell to the floor, holding his crotch. Your eyes widened when his friend lunged for you, grabbing you and flinging you to the ground. You winced when your shoulder took the impact, but you continued kicking out as the man tried to climb on top of you.

He grabbed your legs, locking them down with his own legs that were much stronger than your whole body. You grabbed his collar quickly, bringing his body to yours before you swung your head to headbutt him. Both of you groaned at the impact but you used this chance to kick his body off you and you climbed on top of him, swinging punch after punch. 

Strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you off the man and you were about to swing a punch until you realized it was JJ holding you this time. You looked over his shoulder to see the third man knocked out, the other two scrambling away muttering profanities under their breath. You sighed in relief, crashing into JJ’s body, your adrenaline disappeared and exhaustion washed over you quickly. 

“What the fuck was that?” JJ shouted, gripping your shoulders to look at you. 

“That was just me saving your fucking life.” You spat back at him, looking up at his busted face. You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you, when your chest rose with your rapid breathing it was touching his bare chest. He wore his shirt unbuttoned, showing off his toned chest. You ripped your body from his grasp, stalking away from him before you had the audacity to check him out again. You could hear him following you closely and you sighed, holding the bar door open for him before locking it behind him. 

The tension was heavy as you breathed heavily in each other’s presence but neither one of you wanted to break the silence. JJ walked over to the freeze, grabbing the loose ice and placing it in a cloth before handing it to you. He was trying his best to calm his heart, the fact that you were willing to fight three kooks for him had his emotions soaring in all different directions. And when he had to pull you off one of them, he couldn’t deny how sexy you looked throwing punches like it was your favorite hobby. He was meant to hate you, not want to fuck you right now. 

JJ ran his fingers through his hair before getting some ice for himself. He leaned up against the isle, watching you sit on one of the bar stools, hissing as you covered your knuckles with the cloth. He nibbled on his bottom lip, glancing around the restaurant. “Where’s Kie?” He asked, his voice soft. 

“JB’s.” You replied, not actually knowing how to hold a conversation with JJ. 

“Cool…” He hummed, bopping his head to the song that was playing around you. “I think this is the longest we’ve ever been in the same room without killing each other.” 

“Nah, instead I just almost got killed because of you.” You huffed, rolling your eyes.

“I didn’t ask you to come out and fucking fight.” JJ retorted, his voice rising with each word. 

“And what do I do when the police pull up asking about some jackass that was murdered outside here?” You stood up from the barstool, ditching the ice in the sink. “Nah, sorry officer, I knew it was a good for nothing son of a bitch so I left him there to die.” You yelled, mocking a posh accent. 

“You are impossible!” JJ spat, each word filled with venom and hatred. You pushed passed him, trying to get to the back room but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. You looked up at him, watching as his jaw tensed and his eyes studied your expression. Your features were stiff, your chest rising and falling with each deep breath. He was so close to you, you could feel his breath fan over your face.  You waited for him to say something, and you were shocked when his eyes fell to your lips. His own tongue swiped across his pink lips but before this could go any further, you ripped your hand from his grasp and walked away into the back room, leaving him there. 

“Where have you been?” Kie exclaimed when you walked into the chateau an hour after you were meant to. She looked up from the boys to your face, gasping when she spotted the darkening bruise that was starting to shot up around your left eye. “What happened to you?” 

You glanced around the room quickly, noting that the blonde that left the Wreck was nowhere to be seen. “I-umh, I fell and hit my face on the corner of the bar. It’s nothing really.” You mumbled, wincing when Kie reached to touch it, “Don’t do that.” You hissed, slapping her hand away. 

“Ouch…” John B whistled, tossing you a bottle of beer that was much needed. You downed it in half a second, before reaching for another one. The brunette boy shared a look at your cousin, which you ignored before crashing down on the couch beside Pope and released the bubble of worry that has been forming in your lungs since you left The Wreck. 

You managed to avoid any questions from your family about your new black eye over the last few days, you also successfully managed to avoid JJ, which wasn’t hard when he was staying away from you. It was Wednesday, the sun was hanging high in the sky and Kiara was forcing you to go out on the boat with her and the gang. It didn’t take you long to agree, you refused to let JJ ruin your yearly trip. You walked along the dock beside Kiara, looking to where the HMS was pulling up to collect you.

Your eyes immediately connected with the blue-eyed blonde who was navigating the boat before he turned his attention to the horizon in front of him. Pope grasped your hand, helping you onto the boat and took the icebox from your other hand. You smiled at him, as a silent thank you and made yourself comfortable, despite being under the scrutiny of JJ. His face was still busted up, his lip was swollen and he had a black eye that matched yours perfectly. 

JJ found the perfect spot to anchor the boat. He was a lot quieter than usual, he hadn’t spoken to you once which was odd, you were waiting for him to throw a nasty comment your way. You were sure you weren’t the only one to notice, Kie had given you a puzzled look when JJ turned his back. 

“I think I could get used to this.” John B was the first to break the intense silence, sipping on his beer. 

“Used to what?” You asked, biting the bate first. 

“You and JJ getting along.” Kie and Pope both groaned in unison at John B’s words.

Kie slapped him on the back of the head, “Why jinx it?” 

You ignored JJ’s stare and stood up on the boat, “I’m going for a swim.” You announced, stripping from your shorts and tank. You caught JJ’s eyes scanning up and down your body before he gulped, and chugged down his beer. You didn’t say anything to entertain the situation, you just dived into the marsh, wincing at the shock of the cold water.

The day passed by quickly and for the most part, it was filled with laughter and generally a good time. The sun was setting in front of you and you laid on the front of the boat soaking up the last of the rays, the others were chatting in pairs but you felt that you had chatted enough for the day. You bopped your head to the music that was playing from the speaker JJ brought along and you were lost in your own thoughts. You hadn’t noticed someone sitting beside you until their knee buckled against yours and you jumped at the contact.

JJ chuckled at your frightened state and you sighed, ignoring the blond. He handed you a cold beer and you reluctantly reached out for it. “I didn’t poison it.” He huffed, drinking is own full one. 

“I wouldn’t put that past you.” You replied, eventually accepting the beer. 

You sat in silence for a moment, you weren’t sure if you were enjoying his company. You could feel the warmth radiate from his bare torso and he smelt of seawater and weed; something about that combination weirdly comforted you. “Y/N, I… I just wanted to thank you for the other night.” JJ sighed, running his fingers through his wet hair. It was a good look for him.

“It’s all good.” You mumbled, focusing your attention on the sunset in front of you. 

“No, honestly. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you just left me for dead.” JJ pursued his lips, swallowing back a lump that formed in his throat. You heard the croak in his voice and looked up to his face, seeing his blue eyes glistening. Was JJ about to cry in front of you? The thought made you uncomfortable, you didn’t know how to comfort someone you hated. But did you really hate him? 

“JJ,” You sighed, sitting up straight. “I-that thought never even occurred to me… to leave you, I mean. You’re Kie’s friend, and that means I have your back.” 

JJ licked his lips, looking down at you and he forced a closed smile, trying not to let the tears fall. “I was thinking… I think we should try to be friends.” You were shocked at his words, and you raised your brow as if asking him to elaborate on this sudden epiphany. “I’m tired of arguing with you, and after seeing you beat up those two kooks, I don’t want to be on your bad side anymore.” 

You stiffened a laugh, chuckling along with JJ. You shook your head, a small smile on your face before you nodded, agreeing. “Let’s try this.” You reached your hand out to JJ, watching him shake it as if you just made a million-dollar deal. “But if I remember correctly, you were once a victim of my right hook.” 

“Please don’t remind me. That traumatized me.”

This trip was slowly starting to make its way into the top three of your favorites. Ever since JJ waved the white flag of surrender, everything felt a lot easier. You weren’t looking over your shoulder every twenty minutes waiting for him to make a comment and your brain wasn’t working on overdrive trying to come back with a good enough comeback. Instead, you were actually laughing with him and getting along with him better than you expected. 

That’s how you ended up being the one to collect him from one of his work places. You were parked outside a massive, fancy hotel tapping your fingers against the steering wheel of John B’s van waiting for the blonde to appear. Never in a million years did you think you would willingly volunteer to collect JJ from work. You knocked down the sunshade, looking in the mirror at your appearance and cringing at the sight of the purple bruise still evident on your face. It was slowly getting better and sometimes, you even forgot it was there. 

“That makes you look like a badass.” JJ chimed, jumping into the passenger side of the van. You jumped at the sound of his voice, shooting him a glare. “Sorry.” He laughed, a pink tint framing his cheeks. 

You started the van up driving in the direction of John B’s house, the feeling of excitement brewing now that you were finally going to be able to join them down at the boneyard. You liked how there wasn’t intense tension surrounding you, it was comfortable despite only being friends for a couple of days. “For your information, I am a badass.”

JJ whistled, rolling down the window and sticking his arm out. “Don’t I know it,” He grinned at you, and you noticed a fresh cut on his face. 

“How’d you get that?” Your eyes flickered from the road to his face, watching his fingers wipe the dried in blood. “Nearly seventeen and you’re still getting into fights…” You hummed, raised eyebrows.

“You’re not the only badass in this van.” He winked, making you roll your eyes. 

“No, but you’re the only dumbass.” Looking out the driver’s window, you hid the smile that was spreading across your face. JJ chuckled, reaching for his hat to take it off and he ran his fingers through his mop of blonde hair before putting it back on backwards. “Do you want to go home first to get changed?”

JJ’s breath hitched in his throat, eying the shorts he was wearing and the grey shirt. He noted the blood stain on his shorts, but shook his head in protest. “Nah, I’ll be good.” You ignored the shaking in his voice, nodding in acknowledgement before stepping on the gas. 

You walked onto the beach, side by side with JJ, and were surprised when you noticed how big the crowd already was. It was nearing the end of the summer, every touron wanted to get their last kegger in before they had to go back to their mundane life. You understood how they felt, knowing you weren’t going to be here for much longer. It didn’t take long for you to allocate the Pogues gathered around a beer keg and you danced over to where Kiara was, your hips swaying to the music. JJ couldn’t help watch you as you left his side, nibbling on his bottom lip. A blush crept up his neck when he realised that he was checking out your ass and he swallowed his saliva, bringing his attention to where Pope was. 

“What was that?” His friend asked him, looking between you and the blonde. 

“Umh, nothing.” JJ responded, taking the cup filled with liquor that JB offered him. 

“You were totally checking Y/N out, man. Since when did that happen?” John B chimed into the conversation making JJ groan with annoyance. 

“I was not.” He defended himself, chucking the beer back. His eyes looked over the rim of the red cup, watching you laugh with Sarah and Kie. His heart fluttered and that feeling of nausea was back, which he realised was not a feeling of being revolted by your presence, instead it was a mixture of nerves and lust. 

“Look, he’s doing it again.” John B laughed, “I can’t believe this.” 

“Can’t believe what?” Sarah asked, walking up to the brunette and wrapped her arms around his neck. Instantly, his arms circled around her waist pulling her body closer to him. JJ shot John B a pointed look, as if telling him not to say another word, but that only maybe Sarah’s face washed over with confusion. “What’s going on?” 

“I just got into another fight with one of your kind.” JJ replied, finishing his drink and filling it up again. Sarah rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore him. She was used to his anger and distaste to Kooks and she just learned to live with it. 

When you twirled around to the music, your body froze and your stare was focused on three Kooks making their own onto the beach. Their eyes were scanning the crowd, as if looking for something, or someone. You made your way over to JJ who situated himself on a large log beside Pope, you subtly tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up at you in shock. His eyes followed your stare and they widened, he stood up from his sitting position and grabbed your hand, dragging you in the opposite direction of the three boys that you punched nearly a week ago. 

Your friends' eyes all followed your retreating bodies, confusion evident on everyone’s face but you decided it was best to explain later. JJ led you away from the scanning eyes. You couldn’t help but notice how warm his hand felt in yours, his fingers engulfed yours and when he pulled you in the direction of the lifeguard’s hut, your thoughts imagined other ways that he could use his strength over you. 

“In here,” JJ instructed, opening the hut and letting you enter first. He closed the door behind him, his heart hammering against his chest as he looked out onto the beach from the windows and trying to scan for the men. He stood there in front of you, you remained in the middle of the wooden room, he was conflicted with his decision to bring you here but he wasn’t in the mood for another fight. JJ looked at you and he let out a nervous laugh, reaching to scratch the back of his neck. A string of giggles escaped from your throat and you shook your head, releasing a sigh of relief you didn’t realise you were holding. 

“We can’t hide in here all night.” You chuckled, leaning against the bare wall. “Or we should have bought some alcohol if we were.” 

“Shit, yeah…” JJ muttered, looking around the room to see that it was nearly empty. A desk and a chair occupied the room, an empty cooler and that was it. He hummed along to the music that felt like miles away but he knew the song well enough to go on his own. “We’ll just hang here for a bit, wait until they fuck off.” 

“Were they the ones that gave you that cut?” You asked, bringing his attention to the new addition to his injuries. 

JJ chewed on the inside of his cheek, not wanting to get into the conversation of him fighting but when you looked up at him with those eyes, he wanted to tell you every little detail. He wasn’t used to feeling like this around people, and he definitely wasn’t expecting to feel like this around you but you brought a sense of calmness to him. “No, this was actually Topper.” 

“Is he still bothering you?” You gasped, shaking your head in disbelief. “They just don’t give up, do they?” 

“Nah, they’re pretty stubborn.” 

“Nearly as stubborning as the Pogues.” Teasing him, you liked the way that he didn’t take offense to everything you said now and how he welcomed little bickers with you. The longer you were stuck in the hut with him, the more time it gave you to watch him. He was definitely attractive, probably the best looking man on this island but there was something behind his eyes, something that made him look lost and sad. The thought of him hurting made your chest tighten. 

JJ kicked your ankles gently, making you crash to the floor. He tumbled with laughter, bending over and holding his stomach. You looked up at him from the floor, shocked. “I-I’m sorry but you… you were asking for it.” He said in between his howls of laughter. When his laughter calmed down, you dived into simple conversation about your lives and it just flowed so easily. It wasn’t until the sun completely set that you knew it was time to burst this bubble you have formed and head back to the rest of the Pogues. JJ stood up first, reaching to grab your hand and pull you up. You expected him to let go but you didn’t complain when his fingers intertwined with yours and he walked out of the hut. 

The smile on your face only lasted a couple of seconds, when you came face to face with a boy that you met briefly last week when you introduced him to your first. “That’s them, officer.” 

“Wh-what?” You coughed out, looking at the three kooks that were occupied by the county sheriff. “What’s going on?” You yelled, when JJ’s hand got ripped from yours. The commotion slowed down, everything felt like a blur and you could hear the cackle of the three unnamed boys. 

“You’re under arrest for…” The blood pumped in your ears and you looked at JJ in shock, his face going pale. You screamed when your arms were pulled behind you and tears formed in your eyes when the feeling of steel wrapped around your wrist.

“Hey, hey, leave her alone. It had nothing to do with her.” JJ yelled in protest, the sheriff looked at the boy before shrugging. 

“Fine, looks like you’re my bitch for the night then.” He released the handcuffs that were on your wrist but the tears didn’t falter. You watched as he bent JJ over, tightening the cuffs on his wrist making him wince. 

“JJ-” You started but he shook his head, ceasing your protests.

“This ain’t my first rodeo, princess.” The blue-eyed boy chuckled, but you caught sight of a single tear rolling down his cheek. You watched him disappear into the darkness with the sheriff, the three boys trailing behind them. You choked out tears before retreating back to the Pogues, hoping someone will be able to help JJ. 

The days went by slowly, it was strangely quiet around the Chateau now that JJ wasn’t crashing there. The last you heard, bail was posted but he hadn’t left his house since. When you went back to the gang, they kept interrogating you with questions about what happened the night at The Wreck and you came clear with them. It was silly not telling them when it first happened, especially Kiara, but it just felt like a secret that bonded you and JJ. You didn’t realise how much you were missing the blonde; everytime the door to John B’s house, you perked up but then deflated much to your other friends’ dismay. 

You only had a week left on the Island and the longer you were alone with your own thoughts, the more you began to see JJ in a different light. When the anger and frustration towards him that fogged your mind dispersed, you couldn’t help but deny the obvious connection you had created with him in such a small time. It’s why you found yourself walking towards his house, knowing where he lived because Kie would drive by to pick him up with you in the car sometimes. 

When the house came into view, you hitched a breath of nerves. How were you going to tell the man you once hated that you actually liked him? The only benefit to this plan was that you were leaving soon, so if he didn’t share the same feelings, it would give you a year to get over him. You walked up the trial, seeing someone on the porch. The closer you got, the more attention the man paid to you.

“Can I help you?” He called out, making you stop in your tracks.

“H-hi, I’m just looking for JJ, is he here?” Your voice was shy, almost weak as the man stared you down. He stood up from the stool he was sitting on and leaned up against the wooden porch, eying you up and down. You swallowed back a lump in your throat, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

“What’s a pretty girl like you want with a piece of shit like my son?” The words JJ’s father spoke shocked you, your eyes widening.

“E-excuse me, sir?” You stuttered, not sure if he was joking with you but his expression remained stern. You were about to answer his question when JJ walked out of the door, not noticing you at first. His grey cap rested over his messy hair and he was wearing an unbuttoned shirt. He looked at his father before following his line of sight and his blue eyes widened when he saw you. 

JJ rushed from the porch, grabbing the top of your arm and pulling you away from his house. “What are you doing here?” He hissed through clenched teeth. He dragged you out of sight from his father, who returned to what he was working on before. You were still in shock with what his father said about him, and it wasn’t until JJ spoke again that your attention was brought to his face. “Well?” 

Your eyes scanned JJ’s face, his whole left side bruised and his lip was busted again. He hasn’t been seen around the island in days, and your eyes trailed down his chest that was exposed, showing more bruises littering around his torso. “JJ-” You gasped, reaching out to softly caress his chest. JJ winced at the touch, not because it hurt him but because it brought a sudden wave of comfort over him and his eyes fluttered closed. You began putting the pieces of the puzzle together and your heart ached. “JJ, was this your father?” You whimpered, his eyes locked on you and the watering of them gave you your answer. “Oh my god…” 

“Look… Y/n, the boys know, alright? I-it’s not some crazy secret…” JJ muttered, his bottom lip began trembling and you immediately wrapped your arms around his body, pulling him closer to you. JJ hesitated for a moment before he circled his arms around you as well, bringing his face into the crook of your neck and you could feel his chest heaving as he sobbed into you. 

You didn’t care how much time passed by as you stood there holding JJ, you wouldn’t care even if it started lashing rain. You were going to hold him for as long as he needed. “I’m so sorry…” JJ huffed into your neck and his breath tickling your skin, sending goosebumps down your body.

“No, JJ, you don’t have to be sorry.” You whispered, running your hand up and down his back as a soothing technique. JJ pulled back, much to your dismay and your hands left his body. The coldness immediately swamping around you, but you tried to hide the disappointment on your face. “Was this my fault?” You asked, pointing to his busted lip.

“What? No, of course not.” 

“If you didn’t get arrested that night, would this have happened?” You questioned again, and you felt nauseous at the look on JJ’s face that confirmed your thoughts. “Oh god…” You mumbled, your hand covering your mouth as you started to cry. “I’m so sorry.” It was your turn to apologise, and you kept repeating it over and over again. 

JJ hesitated again before wrapping you in his arms this time. “Look, if it wasn’t that night. It would have been another night. I don’t blame you in the slightest.” JJ reassured you, brushing your hair down with his hand. He’s never comforted a crying girl before, and he never thought he would be the one to ever comfort you but he liked it. He liked looking after you. 

“I’m sorry,” You said again, causing JJ to groan. “You don’t deserve to be treated like this.” You whispered softly into his chest. The words caused JJ’s heart to skip a beat, you saying that meant more to him than you’d ever known. He was the one that gave you such a hard time on the island, he knew you gave him just the same amount of challenges, but to hear you say that he deserved better made him feel like he already had better with you.

“Stop saying that.” He chuckled, smiling amongst the tears trying to ignore the bubbling feeling of adoration. His eyes were red and puffed, his face flushed and you knew you probably resembled his look, except he probably pulled it off a lot better than you did. “What has you here anyways?” JJ asked, wanting nothing more than to bring the attention away from his father’s antics. 

You sighed, realising that now was definitely not the time to tell him how you truly felt. Licking your lips, you forced a closed smile in his direction. “I-we missed you, we wanted to see how you were doing.” 

“We?” JJ asked, raising his brows and his lips held a teasing smirk that made your stomach erupt in butterflies. 

“We, you know, your friends.” You laughed, smacking his chest playfully. 

“That’s a pity…” He replied, pouting at you. 

“What is?” Your eyes narrowed, daring him to continue this banter that was bouncing between your bodies. 

JJ was about to say something but his father’s voice interrupted him. He yelled something incoherent and JJ groaned, “I have to get back.” 

You grabbed JJ’s hand in yours as he started to walk away, pulling him to a stop. He raised his brow in your direction, but you just sent him a small smile. “Come by the chateau tonight, please.” You didn’t want him going back to his father but you knew you had no power over him and his decisions. JJ returned your smile, his eyes softening and he tugged his hand from yours, walking back to his house. 

When JJ walked into the chateau later that night, he was met with the cheers and sighs of relief from his friends. He greeted everyone with hugs and fistbumps before his eyes found your body, he sent you a quick wink and you just rolled your eyes, biting your bottom lip to stop the grin erupting on your face. It was a relief to you that he was here, you knew he was safer here than anywhere else on the island. 

It shocked you when JJ took a beer from the fridge and planted himself down beside you, his thigh touching yours. He stretched his legs out in front of him and he slumped closer to you. “Hey,” He said, flinging his hat off to hit John B on the head. His blonde hair remained tousled around his forehead, even after he dragged in fingers through it. Oh, how you wished you could feel your fingers going through it. The thought caused your face to heat up, and you turned your attention to Kie and Pope in their own conversation. 

The night passed by quicker than you wanted it to. Another day closer to returning home. It was nice having everyone back over, it just wasn’t complete when JJ wasn’t around. He brought a light of joy and laughter to the room, despite the circumstances that he was going through. You appreciated him, a lot and you wish you could tell him just how you felt. 

Kie stood up from the floor, arms stretching above her head and she looked at you. “Ready to go?” You hummed in agreement, trying to hide your disappointment as you followed her actions. 

JJ’s heart raced when you stood up and he reached out to grab your wrist, you looked down at him in confusion. “I-uhm, I can walk you home in a while, if you want.” He mumbled, trying not to gain the attention of his friends but it was too late. Kiara’s eyes widened, Pope and John B shared a bewildered look and you looked like a deer in the headlights. 

You swallowed back the shock before nodding, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that.” 

“Well, okay. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” Kie hummed in confusion, not knowing what was going on. 

“I’ll come with you then.” Pope smiled, not wanting Kiara to leave by herself even though he knew no one would mess with her. They both left together after saying their goodbyes. It was just you, JJ, and John B left in the living room. 

John B twisted on his heels, looking between the pair of you. JJ nodded his head towards his bedroom, trying to get him to leave them alone. John B choked on the beer he had taken a sip of, “I’ll leave you two… alone?” John B furrowed his brows and retreated to his bedroom, muttering something underneath his breath. 

You stayed quiet, picking at a loose thread on your shorts. You were very aware of the fact that JJ was looking at you, studying your facial expressions. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you just there.” JJ broke the silence, you twisted on your seat to look at him, shaking your head.

“You didn’t embarrass me, JJ. Why would you think they did?” 

“They probably think something is going on between us,” JJ chuckled, and you tried to play it off as a joke, “I just wanted to say thank you, for earlier I mean. You didn’t have to come over to check on me.” 

“I wanted to.” You smiled at him, watching him suck in his bottom lip. You wanted to groan at the action, finding it unbelievably sexy. “I never thanked you for taking the fall for me either.”

JJ sighed, running his hand over his face. “It was my fault you got into the fight, it was the least I could do especially when you hated me at the time.” 

Hated me. The words suppressed your mind, they got you thinking. “To be honest with you, JJ. I don’t think I ever really hated you.” You looked at his expression seeing it softening and he looked more vulnerable than he usually does. “I think it was a way to disguise other feelings…” You added, cringing when the words left your lips. 

“W-what?” JJ questioned, sitting up straighter. You quickly stood up from the couch, the action startling JJ and he followed your lead. He stood up, watching you nearly start hyperventilating. He grabbed your shoulders, stopping you from pacing and his eyes studied your face. “You like me?” He asked, his pink lips parted. 

You whined something inaudible, avoiding his face before nodding shyly. “Yeah, I do, JJ and I don’t know when I started to feel like this, it… it just happened.” 

“Are you sure?” JJ insisted, his arms still holding onto you tightly. When you nodded again, JJ pulled you closer to his body and scanned your face quickly, for any hint of regret or hesitation, before he crashed his lips onto yours. JJ forgot what it was like to share a kiss with someone he actually cared about, he was sweet and patient with it. He brought his hand to your cheek, cupping it as his lips moved with yours. Your world felt like it was spinning, like this couldn’t be happening but it was. You were kissing JJ Maybank and your heart was filling with love, admiration, happiness with every second that passed.

JJ pulled away from your lips, his eyes fluttering open and you could feel his lashes tickling your face. You opened your eyes to see his blue orbs sparkling. “Do that again.” You whispered, bringing your lips to his, not wanting to forget how this moment felt. You ignored the twisting in your gut reminding you that you were leaving in less than a week, that you would be leaving this island and not returning for far too long. It was as if the same feelings washed over JJ and he pulled back, sighing. “What?” You whispered.

“I just can’t believe that it’s taken me this long to feel this.” JJ enlightened you, embracing you tightly. “And I’ll be losing you soon.”

You lifted your palm to JJ’s face, brushing your fingers over the evident bruises before kissing his nose, then each of his cheeks, then his lips again for a second. “You won’t ever lose me, JJ. You’re stuck with me now.” 

He chuckled at your words, bringing his lips back to yours and you fell into a sweet routine that consisted of the perfect amount of talking and kissing. You both agreed to not talk about you leaving, enjoying every moment that you had together from then onwards.

🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

apologies for any typos, i wasn’t arsed to proofread it after spending hours writing it oops 

but pls gimme feedback, i beg, ty

#scout's writing challenge #jj maybank #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank oneshot #outer banks #the outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfic #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #ppwritingchallenge #outer banks netflix #obx #kiara carrera #pope heyward #john b #john b routledge #sarah cameron

[icicleteeth]

Aljsdfljds so Tamriel bread post got really popular, and I realized I never actually wrote a detailed breakdown of how/why each province’s bread was designed the way they were (Mostly because I hand wrote each description in the art so I had to keep them brief alsdfj), so I thought I’d write a more thorough post about it! More under the cut--though as with everything TES related I make, these are just my headcanons!

High Rock: Given High Rock’s prosperous kingdoms, most cities and the province in general flourishes with the comfort of being wealthy and powerful (Headcanoned this way since High Rock is one of the three main powers in the alliance war during ESO’s timeline, as well as being home to two large kingdoms, being Daggerfall and Wayrest, in TES2) This richness in the economy and resources allowed for the most experimentation and decadence with the province’s food, including its bread. A lot of these individual breads were based off french breads (baguette, buttery croissant, bread rolls, etc) Cinnamon swirl breads and sugary donuts (I call dough knots here/in my fic) exist, as High Rock’s geographic location in the Iliac Bay allows for a robust importing market where spices like cinnamon and sugar are brought in regularly from other provinces.

Hammerfell: Bread in Hammerfell isn’t nearly as decadent as High Rock, as food is treated with more utility and nutrition in mind, rather than flavor. Oats and seed breads are unassuming yet filling. Oats and rye are grown in the less arid eastern lands of the province, as very little is able grow in the western Alik’r deserts. That being said, livestock raised in the west are vital to providing milk, butter, and eggs, which are used in/eaten with the breads frequently. Smaller portions such as the bagels are compact and easy to pack for long journeys across the desert.

Wrothgar: Wrothgar’s climate (specifically the greener western parts of it) allow for them to grow their own grain (typically rye). Orcs’ tastes in bread also drastically differ the bretons in that they don’t go all out with making sickeningly sweet pastries (in fact, the only time they’ll sweeten their bread is with some snowberry jam). They do, however, love huge portion sizes, as many orcs live together in large tribes with just as large tribesmen and warriors, so they bake their breads in huge loaves. 

Skyrim: Skyrim’s bread was the easiest to figure out design-wise as they’re directly based off the bread you find in-game, though some parts of it (namely the decision to have a Jazbay crostata here rather than the other fruits) were chosen to fit a general theme of sweetness. Sweetrolls are famous all across Tamriel for a good reason: nordic breads, given Skyrim’s significant honey industry, are generally very sweet (as honey is used generously, in more than just the mead markets) Jazbay is referenced to be very sweet, thus the Jazbay crostata. Braided bread is very buttery and large, like most foods from Skyrim. Like orcs, the nords love their generous portions!

Morrowind (this part’s really long, apologies in advance aljsdf): The bread of Morrowind was broken up into three categories based on very differing cultures within the province: Common (Found in the mainland and settled regions of Vvardenfell) Ashlander (found within Ashlander tribes) and Northern (found in northern villages and Solstheim, with nordic influence). The Common baguette is based on banh mi, which is just “bread” in Vietnam. Vietnam (yes I’m gonna kind of derail into history I’m sorry aljsf) used to be owned by the French, so a lot of our foods share some roots in french culture, which is why Vietnamese bread is similar to french baguettes (though are different, not just in look, but texture and taste, though it’s hard to explain in words) In TES3, the encroachment of Imperial/western conquest and control plays a big part in Vvardenfell’s politics and in (especially in it’s more southwestern region) architecture and culture. I found this mixing of the west with the east to mirror Vietnam’s history somewhat, thus Morrowind’s Common bread being directly based off banh mi.

Ashlander bread was designed in mind not only for nomadic people (thus they would be quite small and compact) but also with keeping in mind that Ashlanders would likely lack access to large ovens/utensils/space to bake anything substantial, so these were based on small pan-baked buns. The bowl they’re in is a hollowed-out green shalk shell!

Northern bread is directly inspired by nordic braided bread, though it’s baked much smaller than the nords’ usual preference for large portion sizes. The influence comes mostly from Solstheim, though it’s also found in north-western cities like Khuul.

Black Marsh: This one was a bit tough to figure out for a while, as one would expect you can’t grown much of anything in swamplands. I was however able to find a reference to the existence of marsh rice in one of the A Culinary Adventure volumes (they’re lorebooks from ESO I believe, in which an Imperial writes about authentic Argonian cuisine; it’s really wild and I highly recommend them!) Therefore these are loosely based on small slices of rice bread, wrapped in large banana leaves (yes this was also taken from Vietnamese cuisine. A girl likes to include bits of her own culture in her art sometimes, even if it’s really vague aljsdfjd)

Valenwood: Probably the most controversial choice that I should’ve explained better, as the existence of the Green Pact would have one assume bread is outlawed in the province due to the use of grains (plants) needed to make it. I still wanted to incorporate mostly meat into these breads, though the fact that bread is still used is based off a headcanon that the Green Pact only applies to plants grown within the forests, but doesn’t apply to grains grown in other provinces. One could infer that, especially at the time of the alliance war, travel and trade within the Aldmeri Dominion’s other provinces was very normal, thus bread could theoretically have made its way into bosmeri cuisine, first by bosmer living in other provinces, who brought the customs over to Valenwood.

Summerset: Altmeri bread prioritizes beauty, flavor, and presentation. Very unlike the nords, they aren’t inclined to large portion sizes (the smaller the better, as one should not indulge in gluttony) but what their bread lacks in proportion is exceeded in richness and taste--essentially the bread version of $200 tiny cuts of filet mignon with a bit of $300 truffle on the side (and maybe with a glass of $1000 wine for good measure) The food ought to look and taste as beautiful as Summerset’s city, right?

Elsweyr: Breads in Elsweyr are, like Morrowind, broken up into multiple sections due to Elsweyr’s drastically different northern and southern regions. Flatbreads like naan are found primarily in the north, and heartier breads that incorporate fruits are found in the south (as fruits are more easily able to grow in these tropical climates). Though it’s important to note that trade between the north and south is common, so these breads aren’t entirely restricted by region.

Moon sugar butter cookies are popular treats found all throughout Tamriel, though not entirely in the same innocent reasons that sweetrolls are popular. Since moon sugar is a narcotic that non-Khajiiti races react poorly to, potent moon sugar cookies are sometimes smuggled via the pretense of being less potent and non-harmful cookies (which use only a tiny bit of moon sugar along with regular sugar, which is the benevolent much loved treat anyone can enjoy). Think really, really strong weed brownies that some people have probably eaten by accident, which certainly would ruin the day of both the person who ate it and the smuggler it belonged to! Though of course, just like skooma, these more potent cookies are just as often willingly sought after.

Cyrodiil: Cyrodiilic bread is based on ancient breads (I tried to pinpoint it specifically from Rome, but “ancient” can mean a lot of different things to Google, haha.) The dry, basic, and unappealing nature of these breads aren’t actually meant as a dig at Cyrodiil (at least, not from my own personal standpoint). They were designed this way based on a line in The Red Kitchen Reader, which is a story about an Imperial speaking of his passion for food. The important bit is this excerpt:

As a child growing up in Cheydinhal, I did not care for food at all. I recognized the value of nutrition, for I was not a complete dullard, but I cannot say that mealtime brought me any pleasure at all. Partly, of course, this was the fault of my family's cook, who believed that spices were an invention of the Daedra, and that good Imperials should like their food boiled, textureless and flavorless. Though I think she was alone in assigning a religious significance to this, my sampling of traditional Cyrodilic cuisine suggests that the philosophy is regrettably common in my homeland.

Thus the design of Cyrodiilic bread is underwhelming and unappetizing.

#the elder scrolls #tes #morrowind #skyrim #food #bread #foodposting

[jjmaybanksblog]

Johnny Boy - JJ Maybank

John B x sister!reader, JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: you don't make it out after the shooting at the Cameron's runway, leaving your death on the shoulders of your friends.

Word count: 2,891

Warnings: Guns, violence, mentions of blood, death and sadness :(

Nothing was ever 'normal' in the Pogues' lives after your brother, John B had brought up the gold of the Royal Merchant. Never in your whole life of living there would you imagine sitting in his van, watching Ward Cameron's private plane fly right towards you both.

Never in your life would you imagine square groupers shooting at your friends on a boat. Never in your life would you imagine how dangerous a simple treasure hunt truly could be. Never in your life would you imagine yourself lying on a concrete roadway, blood covering your clothes. Never in your whole life would you pictured your life to end so soon. 

You stood outside the van with John B and Sarah, watching as Officer Peterkin forced Ward Cameron onto his knees with his hands above his head. "You're under arrest for the murder of 'Big John' Routledge." You let out a large sigh of relief as your tears welled with tears. John B held you in his arms, rocking you back and forth. "We did it Y/N, we did it." He grinned down to his sister.

You released your brother, allowing him to comfort Sarah as she watched her father get handcuffs placed on his wrists. Ward pushed away from officer Peterkin, causing her to draw her gun out of her holster. You stepped forward, making sure he wouldn't be able to run away. John B protected Sarah in his arms, turning her away from the gun.

A loud gunshot echoed through the air, your body experiencing a sharp pain in your chest. "Y/N." John B whispered from behind you. You and Peterkin locked eyes before looking at each other's gunshot wounds. You fell to your knees, your chest heaving as you suddenly felt all the air in your body leave your body. 

You remained on your knees for a moment before watching Rafe Cameron appear from behind the plane. John B couldn't remove his eyes from you, his grip tightening on Sarah, watching you bleed out on the cement. You fell onto your back, the bright blue sky looking more beautiful than ever. 

You heard your brother shuffle towards you and Peterkin. The officer quickly shook her head, "help your sister." John B fell to his knees, his hand finding the gunshot on your chest and applying pressure to it. "Call!" Peterkin wheezed out loud. Sarah took John B's place next to you, using your brother's bandana as something to stop the blood from pouring out.

Sarah hovered over you, "it's okay Y/N," she cried out, "it's gonna be okay." She tried to reassure you. John B attempted to grab the officer's radio, only to get it taken by Ward. John B took his spot next to you, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face. A tear rolled down the side of your face as you reached your hand up to cup the side of his face.

"You need to go find everyone." You said, your voice barely audible. He shook his head, his tears already spilling out of his eyes. "No, please you're all I have left of our family." He begged, his hands shaking. You carefully reached up and untied the bandana that was around your neck. When John B bought his first bandana, he got you a red one knowing that was your favorite color.

You grabbed onto his hand, placing the fabric into his palm. He clutched it in his hand and held it to his heart. "I love you Y/N." He sobbed, resting your head in his lap. "Dad and I will be watching over you. You've been the best brother I could ever ask for. I love you Johnny boy." You said, having a feeling these words would be the last ones you would say to him.

He leaned down to give you a kiss on the forehead before running away. He hesitated and did a double take to look at you before booking it away from the scene. Sarah fell to her knees next to you, her hand holding your head up. 

 "I'm gonna die aren't I?" You asked mindlessly, your mind thinking about your boyfriend JJ. Sarah sobbed at your question. She held onto your hand, "no, no it's okay. You're gonna be okay and John B is gonna be okay. You got this." She tried to reassure you.

"Sarah, please don't break my brother's heart. He really loves you." You admitted, feeling as if your body was burning. Your mouth had gone dry and you couldn't stop coughing as blood filled your lungs. Your eyes slowly started to flutter shut, Sarah gently shook your head. "I won't Y/N, please just stay with me!" "Tell JJ I love him." Was the last thing you said before giving into the bright light that shines above you.

______________________

"Y/N Routledge?" John B, Sarah and the rest of the Pogues all stood up from their chairs, all of them tapping their feet. "We're so sorry for your loss." The words easily left the doctors mouth, but impaled everyone's hearts. 

JJ felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him as he reached to sit down in his chair so he wouldn't fall over. "Wh-what?" Was all his mouth could say. 

"She was losing too much blood, as soon as she was injured there was no going back. We tried everything we could." The doctor explained.

Pope held onto Kiara as they both began to cry. Losing someone who was like a sister to them, someone who would drop whatever she was doing and go spend time with them. Someone who made so many memories with them, and they're gone now.

JJ put his hand on John B's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. JB's mouth had fallen open, "no, no that can't be right." John B spoke as he shook his friends hand off of his shoulder.

"JB-" He cut JJ off, "No! No! She was supposed to grow up with me! She promised when we grow older she would help me plan my wedding with Sarah, help me find a house, she promised me. She-she can't be gone." He sobbed loudly as his body suddenly felt weak. 

John B stood there after his shout, his body felt like static. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream so loudly it'd break glass, he wanted to make the pain go away. But all he could do was stand there, he didn't want to believe this was it. 

_________________________________

The funeral

John B took in everyone's appearance as they gathered around the hole that held the wooden casket. Black. Black dresses, black shirts and pants, everything was dead. The only family you had that cared about you was John B, Sarah, and your Pogues you considered family as well. No one there had not been able to stop crying, none of them had gotten sleep. 

John B twirled a single white rose in his hand before reaching down and placing it in the hole in the ground. His free hand clenched the bandana you had given him in his hand. The brother had his friends around him, all of them putting rose's on the lid of your casket.

John B asked JJ to speak about you, knowing he wouldn't be able to speak once he stood up there. JJ didn't want to lie, he was terrified. Not of public speaking, but if he spoke about you then he would realize you were actually dead. But there he stood at a wooden stand, in front of a small crowd of people.

His hands clutched onto the sides of the stand, so hard that his knuckles were turning white. He had attempted to write out what he wanted to say on paper, but he could never get the words right of what he wanted to say.

"My name is JJ Maybank, and Y/N Routledge is- was my girlfriend. She wasn't only my girlfriend, but my best friend. My whole life I was making stupid decisions, hanging out with the wrong crowd, not doing well in school, etc. But she was right by my side to help me through all my mistakes and failures. She was always there to be a shoulder to cry on and a person to hug. She would always let me lay my head in her lap and she would play with my hair when she knew something was up with me." His voice wavered as he looked up to the sky to hold back his tears.

"Y/N Routledge was not only a beautiful woman, but she had a heart of gold. She had a soul so pure Angel's are jealous they can't have that sort of kindness. She put people before herself, but always knew when to focus on herself. She would drop everything she was going and run to her brother or any of her friends if they needed her help. I hate having to use past tense- I never thought her life would be taken so soon." JJ mumbled the last part as a tear slipped from his eye.

"I wish I could have saved her- I should have saved her. And I'm sorry I let you all down because here we are. Y/N Routledge was and will forever be in our hearts, our memories, our lives no matter what. I have cherished so many moments with her that I know I will never forget. She's the love of my life, and I wish we all could have had our happily ever afters."

________________________________

After the funeral

John B walked up to JJ with a folded piece of paper in his hand. "Y/N left this for you." JJ's throat tightened as he took the paper out of his friends hand. "How did you find this?" "It was in her desk drawer."

"She left one for all of us." John B said before walking away from him. JJ hesitantly opened the paper as he began to read it.

"Dear JJ,

Hi my love. If you're reading this, that means something happened to me and I died. I don't know what you're thinking right now, but I know one thing you're thinking is 'why did she write this?' Ever since the first encounter with the square groupers shooting at us in the marsh, I know life here at the OBX was not going to be easy. So I started writing this incase something were to happen to me. I pray to God that you never actually have to read this, but you never know. But I do know you, and I know you're probably blaming yourself. JJ listen, do not blame yourself over anything that happens to me. You were the love of my life, the reason I woke up everyday with a smile. My whole life I only felt true love when I was with you, and I will never forget those feelings you gave me, and I hope you don't forget the feelings I gave you. Thank you for being my partner and crime, my best friend, my love, and my life. Please take care of yourself, don't let this stop you from living your life, I don't want you guys mourning. This is life, people come and go, everything will be okay in the end. If anyone could have saved me, it would have been you. Because you, JJ Maybank, have saved me from everything else.

Your love,

Y/N Routledge♡

JJ ripped his eyes away from the paper as he let out a loud cry. He read the whole thing in your voice. He could practically hear every tone you would have used if you actually read that aloud. He felt broken, he felt lost, he wanted you back so badly. But sadly, there's nothing to fix the fact that your journey has already come to an end.

The other letters:

Dear Kiara,

My big ball of energy, and confidence! God I wish I didn't have to write this, but every day may be the last and I want you to hear my words. You, my best friend, are such an amazing person. When I first met you and found out you were a Kook, I thought you would hate me. But you Kiara Carrera, were nothing what I expected you to be. When my brother introduced me to you, I knew we would become best friends. Not because my brother made us but because you are one of my favorite people ever. You never failed to make me smile, you always talked to me when I needed you, you've helped me make so many memories and I will forever be thankful for you. When I first saw you smile I felt this warm vibe radiating off of you. I felt absolutely blessed to be able to view you as a sister. You always showed me love, you stood up for me, you made me laugh when I needed it. In my eyes you are a complete angel, and I know sometimes you doubt that, but I want you to know that nothing will change what we think about you. I'm sorry I left so soon, I wanted to be able to go to the bar with you and maybe even move in together. Thank you for everything you have done for John B and I, I will forever be grateful for you. I love you so much hun, always and forever♡

With much love, 

Y/N Routledge

__________________________

Dear Pope,

I watched you grow up since you met my brother back in elementary school, and I'm proud of you, so fucking proud. You have not only grown but matured while still acting like the dork you are. I remember on my 14th birthday you didn't know what to get me so you asked JJ and John B for opinions. Then you showed up to my house with a basket of all my favorite foods. That was the night I got sick from eating too much :) you have done so much for me, from bringing me good when I was on my period to literally pulling me out of a well in the basement of some creepy lady. I know you're gonna do amazing things with your life, I know you're aching to get into college with scholarships. I know for a fact that you will get into anything you put your mind to because you are the smartest person I have ever met. Don't give up Pope, you got this.♡

Love you so much,

Y/N Routledge

________________________________

Dear Sarah,

When I first met you, I thought you were just another Kook that loved showing off daddy's money, but I was so wrong and I apologize for that. You have been nothing but an angel to my family of Pogues. You have made me laugh so easily when I needed it. You took my mind off of things that hurt me. You drove us around town at 2 in the morning because we both couldn't sleep. I can't even tell you how thankful I am to know you're dating my brother, he's in good hands. He really does love you, you know. He always grins whenever your name comes up in conversation, he will defend you in a heartbeat if he has to. Please take care of his heart. I know we only recently became friends, but I just want you to know I appreciate everything you have done for me. You have a heart of gold, Sarah Cameron, never change for anyone. ♡

Sending love,

Y/N Routledge

__________________________________

Dear Johnny Boy,

John B, I'm so sorry you're reading this. I wish there was some way I could prevent you from ever reading this but life throws wild cards at you from every position. Johnny you were my best friend in the whole world. Since we were born you and I have been attached by the heart. I feel so honored to have watched you grow up into who you are today. An intelligent, kind, loving, and handsome teenager. You have such a bright future ahead of you and you are going to absolutely own your life. I am so happy you found Sarah before something happened to me, I know Sarah will do anything to show you she loves you. You are the best brother anyone could ask for. You're my favorite person to go to the playground with, my favorite person to watch horror and sci fi movies with, my favorite person to binge eat all of the food in the fridge. You have helped me through it all even from a young age. Thank you for that. I'm sorry dad hasn't seen you grow and develop within these last few months, but I know he would be proud of you, of us. I'll tell him you said hi when I see him. Take care of the Pogues and yourself please. I want to see all of you thrive in the future, okay? Promise to me and yourself that you will wake up every day, drink water, and eat. I love you Johnny boy. Forever and always. Thank you for being the best brother ever♡

Love your favorite (and only) sister,

Y/N Routledge

#jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #jj x reader #jj obx #john b #john b imagine #john b routledge #john b obx #john booker routledge #john b x sister!reader #jj maybank x oc #kiara icons #kiara outer banks #kiara x reader #obx kiara #kiara carrera #rudy pankow imagine #rudy pankow #rudy x reader #rudy obx #rudy pankow x reader #chase stokes x reader #chase stokes #rafe outer banks #jj outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks

[67impalaandwhisky]

Destiny Is Heaven Sent

Summary: Knowing Dean Winchester since you were fifteen, you’ve always been pulled in his direction. Always wanting to open up the rattled and broken cage your heart lives in. But when the child you’ve been raising together dies, you find yourself closing up the cage of your heart again. And if destiny has one thing for you, it’s to break you down before bringing you back up.

Characters: Dean x You, Sam, Castiel, Bobby, OFC’s, OMC’s, (Ongoing) 

This Series Is Set Through Seasons 1-6 With Knowledge That The Bunker Exists

Rating: 18+

Warnings (Ongoing and Will Be Updated): Grieving, Mentions of Rape and Defilement (As Per A Case), Show Level Violence, Swearing, Smut, Impreg Kink, Blood, Fighting, Drinking, Dean Being Dean, Fluff, Angst, Dom!Dean, Sub!Reader

Warnings For This Chapter: Grieving Over Dead OMC, Drinking, Swearing, Flirting

A/N: This is my first Supernatural fic ever! I’ve been writing for a while and have adored Supernatural since the beginning so I’m really excited for this series and I hope everyone enjoys it! 

Chapter 1.

Autumn used to be a season that you adored when you were little. It was the fresh chill of the air and the taste of possibility that clung to the wind. Now you can't help but find it mindlessly awful.

You used to love Halloween and all of the holidays that accompanied soon after. It brought you and your family together. Until your mother died. Then it was just a teeth gritting ride of vengeance by your father, who had loved his wife since he was a teenager.

He did his research, something that you would find harrowing if you didn't grow up in this life. He spent your entire life dragging you around, preparing you to fight against monsters and magic. 

Your father had discovered what had killed your mother when you were fifteen on Christmas Eve. He had left you at the Right Swing Motel to kill the monster on one of your favorite holidays.

You weren't mad then and you still weren't mad now. You couldn't imagine loving someone so much that you were overcome with anguish and the need for revenge. 

When he finally came back to the motel two days later, you had expected him to be relieved. He killed the werewolf that ripped your mother's heart out. You expected him to be your father again. But alas, he seemed angrier and more prone to violence then you could ever imagine.

When he finally died on a job that could never be done alone, you realized just how fucked in the head he had become. Just how overwhelming grief could make you and you swore to yourself that you would never become like him.

Even if that meant setting your emotions aside every time.

Pulling up to the old diner on Route 30, your eyes lazily drift over the parking lot. Spotting the 67' Impala you've grown to know since you were a teenager, you park your car beside it before blowing a bubble in your gum.

You watch the bubble expand and expand before sucking all the air out of it as you step out of your car. Slamming the door shut, your combat boots slap the concrete as you enter the diner.

Taking off your sunglasses, you walk past the waitress as she welcomes you. You give her a brief smile before spotting the men you've grown up with.

Without a word you walk towards them, watching as Dean devours the cheeseburger in hand like he has never eaten a damn thing in his life. Grimacing, you plop yourself down in the booth earning both of their eyes as they slowly drift up from their plates.

"Oh Jesus!" Sam yells, putting his hand over his heart.

"Am I that hideous? My God." You mumble as you grab a french fry off Dean's plate. 

He smacks your hand multiple times earning pink splotches as you slap his hand back.

"Order your own food, Y/N. I'm a growing boy. Gotta eat." He complains as you rest your elbow on the greasy table surface.

"Can I get you anything?" The waitress asks as she approaches. 

"She wants a philly cheese steak, extra onions. No mushrooms or peppers. And, a strawberry milkshake." Dean says as he wipes some crumbs out of the stubble on his chin.

You hum impressed to him before throwing your legs over Sam's lap. 

He's been used to it by now, earning the title as your best friend quite quickly since you were fifteen. His hand wraps around your thigh high combat boots before ignoring Dean's gaze and continuing to eat his salad. 

You steal a cucumber off his plate before looking at his older brother. His eyes were on yours, forest green irises looking over your body intently before looking back down at his food.

"Job?" You ask as Sam holds up the local newspaper he was reading before you arrived.

"Nothing we can't handle. Why don't you go back to the bunker and just relax, hmm?" Dean offers sweetly and you scowl at his suggestion.

"What's with this whole macho man show you've been putting on lately? It's so infuriating, Jesus. I've saved your life so many times and now suddenly I'm a frail crone that has to be a housewife to her two best friends as they go out and fight demons and monsters?" You ask, raising your eyebrows.

He cringes at your words before setting his burger as if it made him feel sickly.

"This job is dangerous." The oldest mumbles and you find yourself suddenly aggravated. When has Dean Winchester ever made you back down from a hunt? When has he ever begged you not to come instead of joining them? 

The answer is never.

"This ghost seems to abduct beautiful, single women and do things to them. I don't want you at risk." You look over to Sam as his brother speaks and you notice how he avoids eye contact with you. 

Your plate of food is set down in front of you and you thank the girl quietly as the tension in the air thickens. Dean Winchester in his whole life has never called you beautiful. He's never even given you the time of day. Which you don't mind really, that's how he's always been. But he's never kept you away from a hunt and you're wholeheartedly offended.

"Then I'll be perfect bait." You reply. 

"I said no." Dean says through gritted teeth.

Sam squeezes your leg gently as if to beg you to not start a fight in a random diner off the highway. 

"I don't give a fuck about what you say Dean Abel." He coughs awkwardly at the middle name you bestowed on him since you were younger. 

You never use it unless you mean business. 

"Y/N. I'm just looking out for you. Jesus Christ." He whispers. 

Folding your arms, you look over at Sam expectantly. You know he hates to be involved in your spats with Dean.

You're both hard headed beasts that don't quit until you get what you want.

"I mean...When has Y/N ever backed down from a fight? When has she ever been anything but safe with us?" Sam says, still avoiding eye contact with his brother.

If looks could kill, Sam would be dead against the window of the diner.

"Thank you Sammy." You say happily before sipping your milkshake. 

Dean makes an angry grunt before leaning back in the booth and throwing a balled up napkin onto his plate.

"What's so wrong with me wanting you safe? Is it a fucking sin?" He asks bitterly as you take a bite of your sandwich.

You look up at him again, watching as he swallowed thickly.

What's his fucking damage today? 

"In your life you've never kept me away from a hunt. In your entire life. I've been attacked by ghosts. Bitten by vampires. Abducted by djinns and you've never batted an eye. Now when there's an abducting ghost you suddenly assume the role of protector?" You ask pointedly, your index finger pressing into his chest across the table.

Dean sniffs before pulling out his wallet and throwing cash onto the table. His large hand runs over his face before he's shoving his hands in his pockets. 

"You're not going. End of story. I am not losing another person." He mumbles before walking out of the diner and leaning on the hood of Baby.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" You ask his brother loudly.

Sam shoves a fork full of salad into his mouth as he plays with the laces of your combat boots. He seems to be distracting himself so he doesn't have to look at you.

"He's been this way for weeks. He's...I mean he's worried about you. We only just burned Marsh a few weeks ago and he doesn't seem to think you're ready to go back out." Sam says before looking over at you. 

You begin to smile, a feral nasty smirk spreading onto your face. Gripping your legs harder, he widens his eyes at you begging you to stop.

"Let go, Samuel Cain." You seethe through your teeth and he sighs loudly before finally going slack against the leather of your boots.

Jumping out of the booth, you fix your leather jacket. 

It takes a few large steps before you're barreling out the diner door straight towards the boy you've watched become a man.

"You son of a bitch." You curse as you advance on him. 

His head turns to you slowly and his jaw clenches. 

At one time when you were sixteen, you'd find it absolutely hot but now it just sets fire into your veins at a quicker pace.

"Y/N…" His voice is weak as he holds his hands up.

Opening up your hand, you stiffen your arm before jabbing your palm underneath his chin.

With a groan he slides off the hood of his car.

"Come on!" He yells angrily before standing up and opening his mouth before spitting out a drop of blood or two.

"How dare you decide what I need to do! How dare you for one second think that I need to be told to sit one out!" You yell as you grip his jacket. 

Hauling him up, he puts his hands on your shoulders.

"I'm just looking out for you, goddammit! You're not okay, and you won't talk to me! You look through me! I'm trying to protect you! You mean something to me! Fuck!" He yells as he shakes you about.

"Yeah?! Well I don't need your fucki-" You begin to scream before being cut off.

"Guys. They called the cops. We gotta go." Sam says before ripping the door open to the Impala.

Dean lets go of you before huffing out and smacking the hood of his car loudly. 

"This isn't over you asshole." You mutter, jutting your finger to your best friend as you put on your sunglasses.

"Why am I not surprised?" He seethes as you open the door to your car.

It's incredibly insulting. Unbelievably unfathomable. In all your life, Dean Winchester has never thought you were weak. 

These weeks without Marsh haven't been easy but that doesn't mean you're lost. Doesn't mean you haven't given up sight of who you are and how things need to be. He wouldn't want that.

"Hello Y/N." The deep monotone voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you jump slightly at the man now sitting beside you in the passenger's seat.

"God! Cas, what did I tell you?!" You yell, slamming your hand onto the steering wheel.

"To never appear in your car like this." He states matter-of-factly.

Rolling your eyes, you begin to focus back on the road watching as Dean speeds down the highway.

"What? What do you want?" You ask the angel as you lower the music.

"Well. I don't want you to fight with Dean." He says as he stares ahead at the road.

You give a short laugh before clicking your tongue and tilting your head.

"Sorry Cassy, all me and Dean do is fight." You mutter as you open the window. 

"It's okay to not be okay, Y/N. I have been watching you, seeing your inner struggle. I know it's hard without Mar-" 

"First of all, don't watch over me. I don't need you to. Secondly, you don't know anything about how I feel. He was just a kid, Cas. He was fourteen years old for God sake." 

He stays silent as you drive down the road. 

"He's happy where he is. He isn't in Hell." Cas says and you laugh to yourself before biting your bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood.

You've been there through it all, through the angels and the demons. Through the ghouls and the werewolves. Heaven and Hell were so far off your list of things to think about, just the notion bleeds your very soul. 

"Doesn't mean Dean can try to keep me away from what I need most." You tell the angel as the Impala in front of you turns into the parking lot of a motel.

"And what is that?" He asks as you park beside them.

You open your mouth to answer before shutting off the engine of your car and turning your body to him. He looks upon you blankly as you run your fingers through your hair.

"Can't you see what I need without asking?" You ask quietly. 

He sighs before nodding, "Yes. I see." 

Exiting your car, you don't even look at the oldest as you grab your bag from the back seat. 

"Room?" You call out before opening your trunk and grabbing your duffel bag filled with the usual gun paraphernalia. 

"Seven." Sam says and you don't miss the irony of it. 

Luck could go shove it.

You push past Dean as he holds his hand out for your bags and you hear him curse under his breath.

"Come on." Dean says as he jogs beside you. 

You hold your hand out for the key and it's immediately placed in your hand by the younger brother.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." Sam mutters out.

"Be careful." You and Dean say at the same time. You crack your neck loudly before pushing open the door and dropping your bag onto the small table the cheap motel room offers.

Closing the door behind him, you can hear Dean sigh loudly. 

Fighting was always fun with him in years passed. It was always an adrenaline rush. But, these days you're so far past it. You just want to do your job, have a drink and that's it.

"You can't just shut me out." Dean says, folding his arms and leaning against the wall.

"Yeah? Watch me." You retort as you begin to make lines of salt on the window. 

"Y/N. I mean it. This has fucked you up entirely. I know what it's like to bottle things away until you're overflowing. I know that pain you're hiding. Just talk to me." 

"No!" You bark out before you feel arms wrap around you.

You can smell him. The smell is something akin to home. He smells of whisky and musk. Old leather that is worn and creasing. He smells of gunpowder and mint. 

"Get the fuck off me." You seethe, writhing in his grasp as it tightens.

"I know you. I know you so well- Hell, I practically am you. Don't you dare think it's okay to keep it to yourself. You're strong? Yeah well, sometimes dams break too." You set the bottle of salt down on the table before turning towards him.

His evergreen irises, staring deep into yours. His small freckles that you've counted a number of times since you were fifteen. His gentle stubble, a sign that he's been taking care of himself. 

His thumbs run over the leather of your jacket but you can practically feel the calloused skin on yours.

"If I talk about it, it makes it real. I just want to work. I want to shoot things and save people." You say before ripping your eyes away from him to the gold necklace he adorns.

"This is real, Y/N. A kid that we called our own is gone. His mother. His father. His uncle. Are all without him now." Just those words send you hurtling yourself towards him. 

Breaking free from his grasp, he lets you punch him in the chest. He lets you take your anger out on him. Because he's Dean and he's always here to drink in your sorrow whenever it comes around. Because, in order to be truly emotionless you have to give them away to someone else.

"He was just a kid! He was just a little boy!" You yell as you punch the older man in the jaw. His body makes contact with the floor as your screams become intelligible.

With a groan he pulls himself up before standing still. Your hard punches slowly turn soft and then you're beating on his chest. 

Letting out a shaky breath, he pulls you close to him. You let out a sob, a small garbled noise, into his grey t-shirt. Feeling the cotton absorb your tears as your eyes burn.

"He was a baby. We should have just left him at the orphanage like Bobby told us. We sh-shouldn't have taken him with us." You cry out.

You let the sorrow eat at you for a second. Let your mind wrap around your emotions before closing yourself off once more. Something you're getting almost too good at.

You shove the handsome man away from you before wiping at your face and turning away from him.

"Y/N. He wanted to come with us. We couldn't leave him to the system after everything he had seen. He wanted to grow up and be a hunter. He wanted us. And we wanted him." Dean whispers, you can hear the crack in his voice. The strain of his vocal cords from weary emotion.

"Yeah well, we fucking failed him. We should have never taken him with us."

"He loved you, Y/N. You raised him. You were his mother for years when he didn't have one himself. You made him into a strong boy." He tells you.

You look down at the woven bracelet Marsh had bought you for mother's day with Dean's money and your jaw clenches with grief.

But, Dean was his father too. And, you know it's taken a toll on him as well. You can't be so selfish. 

"He loved you too. You were the father he needed and always wanted. I'm sorry." You say finally before looking out the window at both of your cars as they sit side by side like always.

"Me too. I'm-I'm sorry." He mumbles.

You know that's big for him. Even if he is ever sorrowful getting those two words out is like hot searing pain to him but he at least tries with you.

"We good?" You ask him as you turn back around.

You find him still staring, still drinking you in even with your back turned and your stomach coils like when you were a teenager. 

"Yeah. Yeah, we're good." He says finally before opening his arms. 

You almost take that welcoming before snorting and grabbing the discarded salt on the table.

"Nice try." You mumble before putting salt in front of the door.

"It's not a sin to hug someone." He whispers before grabbing your gun bag and throwing it on his bed.

No but it's a sin to hug him.

"So what's the job?" You ask aloud as you all sit in the dive bar.

Sam holds up the newspaper before sliding it across the table. 

"Annalise Greenlee. An aspiring model, murdered and raped in her apartment. Police say there was no forced entry, all doors and windows were locked. Now, get this-- her body from her kidneys and above were mush. Exploded inside her body while she was dying." Sam says earning widened eyes from you.

"Must be one pretty pissed off bitch." You reply before taking a long sip of your whisky and coke.

Dean seems to have meant it when he said you were both okay because his attention has now left you and worrying about you. He's more worried about who he'll be sheathing his cock in tonight. 

Typical.

"Y/N. Go tell that girl that we're producers for a reality t.v. show." Dean says elbowing you and nodding to a pretty petite brunette that leans against the bar.

You sigh almost a little too loudly.

"Hey! Pretty girl!" You call over to her. 

Her head turns and you want to roll your eyes at her confidence. As if she was the only pretty girl in the bar.

Sauntering over, you watch her overly eager hips sway. Her index finger twirling her hair seductively as she approaches.

"My friend here wants to buy you a drink. You okay with that?" I ask her as she looks over at Dean.

Her pupils widen and her tongue slowly licks at her lips before smiling.

"Sure. That sounds great. I'm Olive." She says leaning against the booth. Her breasts thrust upwards in the air as her low cut tank top is pulled lower and you can hear the audible growl your best friend gives.

"Just call me Popeye." Dean says before shoving you out of the way and climbing over you to get out of the booth.

You stare at Sam unimpressed and he covers his face as he begins to smile. 

"See you two later hmm?" He asks.

Kissing the top of your head quickly, you roll your eyes before turning the small black straw in your mixed drink. 

Seems like he's forgotten every reason to be upset when he can be knee deep in pussytown.

Fingering at the small woven bracelet, you let out a small, unamused laugh before finishing the contents of your drink.

"You okay?" Sam asks quietly as you pick up the newspaper.

"Why wouldn't I be?" You bite back, angrier than you mean to.

"It's not fair of him to do that." He replies kindly and you put your fist under your chin before skimming over the bar.

"The word fair and the word Dean do not go hand in hand. Come on, let's go play pool. I could do with beating your ass in something today." You say before standing up.

It's almost too easy for Dean to unlock the recesses of your heart but it's almost too painfully easy to lock yourself back up.

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