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chuuyasfanboy · 6 months

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Just had some random thoughts so pulled up an old blog I never used and am now deciding to write fics! I've had this stuck in my head for two days now but like- Skk as parents... enjoy <3

Wrote three sections! One with Chuuya, one with Dazai, and ofc them together. It can be read from either adopted or blood perspective, I hope? Kind of scattered, I was just goin for it guys

Iffff you liked this, please req something! I'm having major bsd brainrot and I need ideas...

Soukoku as Parents Platonic x Gn!Child!Reader

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The SILLIEST father EVER guys.

For actual years he was fully under the impression he HATED all kids with a passion. I mean guys look at how badly he treated Aku-

Well then he had you and things changed

It's just something about you being his kid, not a subordinate or random kid on the street

He's your dedicated apologist

In fact, he encourages your mischief!

When you were younger, it was a lot harder to handle you. He even found himself on his last fuse sometimes. Usually, he left Atsushi or Yosano to deal with you

He didn't want to revert to old habits and accidentally traumatize you :(

When he can handle himself, though, he's only halfway controlling you-

He's right along with you in the heinous activities half of the time

Hiding Ranpo's candy (for as long as it lasts), misplacing Kunikida's glasses, hell you two have probably snuck into the infirmary and changed the sheets to something very colorful and very childishly wolf themed...

He's not really a mature dad, nonono. But he's doing his best

He fully supports all of your wildest interests, even tries out some of the more entertaining ones

He struggles to act excited when you're younger and all your interests are very out of his range, but as you grow older he's actually a bit intrigued by them sometimes

Best birthday gift ideas, too. He's very creative when he wants to be.

He also has way more money than he should be ALLOWED to have

For your Sweet Sixteen, he most definitely got you an obsessively large custom pinata of your favorite character...

He makes sure EVERYBODY gets you gifts, because you are his world and thus you must be everybody else's as well

He really does try to keep you out of work, and especially away from his suicide biz

Maybe HE doesnt have a reason to live, but he certainly doesnt want you picking up those thoughts, because he knows you have a real big destiny to live up to someday

I mean, what would the world be without you?

When you hit the age of 13 though, its really hard to hide anything from you

You're so scary when you grow up! And you're way too smart!!4

Did you get that from him? oops...

Now, he doesnt have any plans of living that long, but if you do grow big and strong and smart one day, and you join the ADA, he's definitely got some favoritism.

Surprisingly, Fukuzawa actually gives you your first few proper missions with him

(Because he knows Dazai will not be letting any harm come to you, he trusts Dazai with his life and he knows you trust Dazai even more)

If you have different plans for adulthood though, he's still so supportive

If you go to uni, you're going to have to show him off

Why?

Because, guys, he's a dilf

Nobody's gonna be mean to the kid with a dilf father, they all want him

He jokes about it constantly

But rest assured, stupid and immature uni kids are NOT his type, no matter how nice the ones his age look

He's got his eyes set on that waitress and at least four other men at the moment

If you go straight into the workplace instead of uni, he's going to use his connections to get you a good job early!

Fukuzawa has a good way with words and Dazai himself is a pretty good reference contact

Just tell them he's your teacher, or something

It's not like they'll know his hobbies, he's wayyyy too big a mystery for that

Overall: 7/10 dad

A little rough around the edges, but he's trying hard to improve himself for you

And he's trying hard to give you the best life he can offer

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Did I say Dazai was a dilf?

I lied out of my ass.

Chuuya is the real dilf here

But we'll get to that later! (Just know he has plenty of men and women at his feet and they're definitely being way too nice to you because they want him so bad guys)

You're SO SO SO SO spoiled.

UNREASONABLY so

So bad you might even be a little bit of a brat growing up

It's fine, not toward him, he almost never says no to you so theres no need

There's absolutely no amount of money that can't be spent on you.

Luxury clothes, professionally cooked dinners, fancy rooms, home staff, the whole works

Despite all that though, he's insistent you go to a public/private school

He's not tutoring you, wont even hire one

It's not because he CAN'T, it's because he KNOWS how important it is for you to get your sense of independence early

Sure, you'll always have financial support, even if he dies (Trust fund babyyyyy)

But thats not what's actually important to your future

You need social skills, you need friends, you need and education and the taste of disappointment

Dont worry, though, he's not sending you unprepared

You're not eating school lunches unless you want to (but fuck why would you?)

He's sending you to school with top notch food every day

And clothes

And supplies

Plus, you'll have a tutor at the ready for anything you need a little extra help in

But for the most part he keeps as far as he can out of that section of your life

You friends are yours, not his

He's polite when they have sleepovers, and he's more than willing to host parties and hangouts

But he doesn't try too hard to impress them, and he doesn't talk to them unless its related to you

Because as much as he loves being around kids (a real big father he wants to adopt everybody he sees)

He doesn't want to impose on any boundaries YOU may have

As a side note though, he's still very observant of your relationships with them

If he overhears any manipulation, or shit talking (about you or not), he's not going to let it sit and exist

If it comes to it, he will contact the parents (And holy fuck they are TERRIFIED i mean imagine a publicly known MAFIA EXECUTIVE contacting you to tell your kid fucked with his ABSOLUTELY NOT GUYS)

If you're into any extracurriculars, he is ALWAYS there

Even if he's overseas on a mission, he has some lower rank attend and clears his schedule so he can watch through a call

Also guys, he practically funds your school?

Your teachers are terrified to cross you because if they do there will be NO SALARY

You complain about anything that happened? He's fixing it up in any way he can

You are his ANGEL, NOTHING will ruin your day as long as he can prevent it.

When you grow up, your options are very clear in his eyes

Either you go to uni and live independent of the mafia, or you inherit his spot when he dies

If you go for neither, he may be a bit shocked, but he'll hesitantly step back

He'll see how it goes, but he's not very confident at first

If it goes well? Fuck, great! He's always in your corner rooting for you

If it doesn't go so well, you always have him as a backup

He'll always be there to take you back with open arms and give you a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc chance. Always

If you do join the mafia, there will be no low rank experience for you

You're straight to the upper ranks. At first, you'll probably be in a position similar to Akutagawa under Dazai or how he was under Koyo

Direct subordinate, his apprentice, his prodigy

And when he dies, you're next in line for his exec spot

There's not even a worry about your skillset, he knows he's trained you well, ability or no ability.

Finally, back to the dilf topic I've mentioned at the beginning

If you go to uni, he has the same problem Dazai had, but WORSE

Fuck guys, he swears he tries to keep out of your friendships, but suddenly everyone's adults and they wont leave him alone.

It's at this point he stops hosting your events (except birthdays) and separates himself

No way is he getting involved with crazy college kids, no way

Overall: 9/10 father

He's a bit absent in your social circle, but he's your dad and thats that

He screams support from the stands and that's really the best you can ask for in a dad <3

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theyre so pathetic together-

theyre all the entertainment you need growing up

constant bickering (lovingly)

they dont involve you in all that

it comes with them both being in seperate factions, but they BOTH work very hard to keep you out of the professional lives

you're their kid, they dont want you in any of the doublesided danger that could get you in

you're probably a secret to everyone except the ADA and the other mafia

And your existence is on a need-to-know basis for everybody else

Dazai is the more present figure in your life, simply because Chuuya has to be a bit more distant

It's the nature of his line of work, anyone he's seen with is a target, and he doesn't want that to be you

He will be at your schooling events still, though. He will be YELLING AND SHOUTING in the stands

Into sports? Every time theres an unfair play he will cuss the living daylights out of the ref

And they just have to let him because theres nothing they can really do about

Dazais the same way, but with less scare factor and way less vigor

After games, he's going to complain WITH you about how lame the whole thing was if you lost, how everything was judged unfairly

They may not get along the best together, but they love each other and especially love you, so they're improving for you

Read: Chuuya is making them improve for you

Dazai thinks hes the victim in all this!

But oh well, if Chuuya makes him apologize when they argue in front of you, he will

When you're all grown up, they both encourage you to find your own path

You've got the chance, thanks to them, and they dont want you involved in their little wars

It's not like you can join any sides, because who would want to be against your dad :(

So really your only choice is moving out, maybe even away-

If you really do want into their business, they both insist you join the ADA

It's safer there for you, and Chuuya would rather have to order his men to not under any circumstances EVER hurt you, than have to watch someone he can't control put you in danger

Plus, he knows Dazai will keep you in the safest position possible

Overall: 7/10 together

They're a nightmare at dinner, and Dazai is sleeping on the couch almost every night

But they adore you and every move you make, so there's no way you're feeling unloved at all

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wizardfrog69 · 1 year

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Hi i read your yandere fyodor called 'stop controlling my life' and I was wondering if you would do a part 2 of it? I really loved it!

Ofc i can make a part 2!

'•.¸♡ you are only a thing to be had ♡¸.•'

Yandere!Fyodor x gn!reader (platonic)

Angst

Warning! Scars, negative thoughts about self, suicide by drug (pain killer) overdose, description of overdose, throwing up (vomiting), toxic relationship.

If this subject is triggering in anyway please do not read, your mental wellbeing is more important.

Masterlist

Part i

Alternatively ending

Enjoy!

Some time had passed since the incident with Dazai, you kept having nightmares about it and spent all of your days daydreaming about how you could have escaped or atleast help him. Fyodor started working from home, everything had gone back to the happy family you had always been.

It was a hot summer's day, the heat was unbearable. You got yourself a glass of water and put some ice in it. The taste of coldness felt nice against your lips, it was a nice type of cold, not like the metal of handcuffs. You went up to Fyodor's study and knocked on the door before opening it, the glass still in your hand, it was half full with the ice melting away. 'Fyodor, it's so hot, can we go somewhere so I won't die from heat stroke?' You whined standing behind Fyodor's chair.

The room you found yourself in was quite dark with the curtains pulled shut. 'Where would you like to go?' Fyodor asked still typing away. 'I don't know, somewhere cooler, like the beach! And we can get a watermelon or pineapple on our way back?' You cheered cheerfully. 'We hadn't had a pineapple in some time.' Fyodor commented, not lifting his head from the flashy computer screens. 'Can we go?' You asked once more. 'Please.' You pleaded, wrapping your arms around his neck playfully, trying not to spill your water onto him. 'You can get some ice tea while we get the pineapple, how about it?' 'I prefer warm tea.' 'Fine, if I make you a cup of tea can we go to the beach?' 'I'll think about it.' Fyodor ended and you left, taking the last sip of your water before leaving.

Usually when Fyodor said he'll think about it it meant yes so you got your hopes up. You made a cup of black, lemon tea and brought it Fyodor. 'Here, your hot tea.' You placed the cup next to him on his desk. 'So, can we go?' You asked once more. 'Fine.' Fyodor responded, turning his chair around to face you.

You cheerfully went to get everything ready as Fyodor turn around once more to finish what je was doing.

You were looking for a bathing suit to put on, you found one hidden deep inside your closet, you took it out and tried it on. When you looked at yourself in the mirror your face turned into a frown, the scars were still visible, too visible. A month had passed since then, but your scars don't want to leave your skin, you really are his and only his, there is nothing you can do to escape you are stuck there for ever you can never be happy never even when you pretend to be and distracte yourself with random things you will never be truly happy you were doomed from the beginning and there is no reason to ever hope for a better life your life will stay the way it is you are to be forced to stay with him forever you are worthless you-

'How long are you going to stare yourself in the mirror?' Your thoughts were interrupted by Fyodor. Your frown quickly turned once more into a joyful smile, and with a pep in your step, you continued to gather the stuff you needed for the beach.

You had decided to not wear the swimsuit and wear shorts so you could still go into the water. Fyodor helped you carry the blanket as you took the rest into the trunk of the car. While you were driving Fyodor stole your sunglasses to mess with you.

It was a nice day out on the beach, you played in the water a bit, trying to drag Fyodor to join you but he acted as if he was allergic to the water so you were forced to look at the jelly fish swim by yourself. Fyodor brought a book to read, nothing special.

While you were going back you stopped by the shop and got yourself some summer fruit and ice cream. It was a wonderful day, filled with joys activities but something inside of you kept telling you that everything was all put on for you as a show, you always had this lingering thing with for some reason you could feel it this time, it was hard to explain but it ruined many fun times you had with Fyodor.

When you got home it was late but Fyodor still had some work to be done. 'I'm going to sleep soon.' You yawned and left to get ready for sleeping. 'Don't forget to tell me when you plan go to bed.' Fyodor reminded you. 'But I just told you!' You responded sarcastically.

You finished getting ready and knocked on Fyodor's study's door. 'Come in.' His voice sparked some fear in your heart but you went in anyways. 'I wanna sleep now.' You yawned to Fyodor who was siting faced some computer screens. Without a word he stood up and left with you to the bedroom. You laid down and covered yourself with a thin layer as you couldn't stomach more from the heat. You lifted your hands above your head to the headboard and Fyodor cuffed them so you couldn't escape, yet another reminder of your constant trapment there.

Before going to sleep your mind drifted a little, you feel asleep quickly as the day was tiring. Fyodor walked into the room and slept on the other side of the bed to make sure you were safe.

It was always like this, you tried distracting yourself with days out of with pleading Fyodor to do something for you and you went to bed handcuffed to the headboard so you wouldn't escape with Fyodor by your side. You hated it, you hated every second of it, you were afraid of getting pets or making friends, you were afraid of anything Fyodor didn't approve of and worst of all you were afraid of Fyodor. He was everything you could ever have, you were too perfect, too brittle, too horrible for anything else. All you deserved was Fyodor but even then you felt as if he was too good for you, did you really deserve going outside? Did you really deserve all those little trinkets Fyodor got you? No of course not! You were worthless and no body could love you, how could they? You were only a thing to be had, a thing to be had by Fyodor and only Fyodor, no one else, and if anyone even dared to think about having you they would get their head chopped off, literally.

You had enough, everything made you miserable so you decided to take matters in your own hands and end your life. What other options did you have? Non. You couldn't even dare to think about killing Fyodor, he would torture you till you were as good as death, he would probably skin you alive of something. The only option you had to escape was to kill yourself.

You walked into the kitchen and found the medicine cabinet, you took about thirty pain killers and took them all with a glass water. What now? You strolled into your bedroom and laid on the bed waiting for the pain killers to do their thing. You closed your eyes waiting for death.

You suddenly got an urge to throw up, you ran into the bathroom, trying to walk straight as you could feel the whole room swaying, you got to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet, it felt horrible, you felt horrible. Your heart was racing and you left weirdly light-headed. You sat by the toilet throwing up every couple of minutes. Fyodor heard you being sick and quickly ran into the bathroom to make sure you're okay. He knelt down by you and pulled your hair out of your face and rubbed your back.

When you got a break from the constant throwing up Fyodor asked what you took, he knew you would take something, he knew everything and you hated it, but atleast he pulled your hair back. Maybe he was right to lock you away, who knows what you would do if he wasn't here, he was there protect you and keep you safe, it was your fault for falling in love when you shouldn't have, he wouldn't help you like Fyodor would. 'Pain killers... I'm sorry Fyodor, I shouldn't have done that.' You cried, took the piece of paper, whipped your face and through it in the toilet before flushing everything. 'I'm sorry I tried leaving you, I'm sorry for everything I did, will you forgive me?' You cried into Fyodor's arms as held you close, waiting a bit before responding, he knew you only wanted to hear his words of forgiveness but he wanted to toy with you for atleast a little while.

'Please Fyodor, can you ever forgive me?' You pleaded desperately wanting to hear his forgiveness. 'I don't know if I could after what you had done, but I can try.' He responded.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Done.

Sorry for putting heavier topics into this one :( hope you enjoyed it tho!

Have a wonderful day/night and enjoy the lovely weather if you can :)

-love, Az

#bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x y/n #fyodor x reader #bsd fyodor #fyodor x you #yandere fyodor #yandere fyodor x reader

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annaki-octo · 5 months

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Autism ramble incoming lmfao

Something I want to see more of is art projects related to DID.

I want to see more short films, more artwork shared online, more video projects, unfiction series, etc. I've always thought the idea of an unfction/ARG/analog horror type project with DID themes would be amazing.

Like, there are many unfiction series and ARGs and short films and more about depression, struggling with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, anxiety, trauma, and I want there to be more stuff like that about DID.

There are a few short films I've seen, but they're not for me, and often are really only about systems who distinctly know their alters and are usually smaller systems with distinctly different personalities between them, so they aren't for me, though some of them are still accurate ofc. They also tend to be more like "documentaries" in that they talk about DID in a scientific, direct way, usually about a specific person's experiences, which is perfectly fine, but I want more things like someone writing a comic series where a character has DID, or some kind of representation of DID - in a genuine/accurate way, of course.

I LOVE looking for niche, hidden little art projects, like vent art animations with like 10 views on YouTube or random Neocities websites, stuff like that. And individual peoples' short films with themes about trauma and so on. And I wish more stuff like that existed for DID. I'm not sure if other people also feel the same, or similar?

I love being able to take things in media and make them about DID, or some kind of experience of 'plurality', when they aren't meant to be.

For an example, I love Frankie Stein from generation 3 of Monster High so much, we have an introject of them lmfao

Their entire Thing is that they are LITERALLY made up of different body parts. Their brain is multiple different brain bits from different monsters attached together to make Frankie as "one", Frankie refers to their brain as "brain bits" and I propose we all throw out terms like headmates, alters, parts, and replace them with brain bits lmfao

There's an entire episode dedicated to Frankie struggling with their identity, struggling with having to present themself as "one person."

For picture day, the camera captures the "real you" or something like that (it's been a while NFKJDNSAK) and Frankie doesn't know which side of themself to "show" for the picture because they are not just One of their parts, but ALL of their parts. And that episode made me cry probably lmfao. That episode means a lot to me.

Also Frankie Stein canonically has the Monster High equivalent of Sigmund Freud as one of their brain bits, so take with that what you will lmfao

Frankie struggles to figure out what outfit they would want to wear, what "side" of themself that they would want to show, because they want to be able to show All of what makes up 'Frankie', which is extremely relatable.

At the end of the episode, when Frankie finally sees the final result of their yearbook (FearBook photo as it's called in the show lol) photo, it shows a photo of Frankie, but like a fragmented photo with lightening bolt cracks separating different Versions of Frankie.

"It's me! All of me!"

Frankie's friends are all supportive and affirmative of Frankie being "Multiple" and it brings me joy.

This mostly happens in the movies, but there will be times where Frankie will say that they don't know something, but then immediately change and suddenly know. For example, Clawdeen asking Frankie if they knew anything about something (I can't remember what it was) and Frankie said they didn't and then suddenly straightened up their back and turned to face Clawdeen and said "Actually, I do know!" and explained it.

Frankie will sometimes have "flashbacks" to a memory that belonged to whichever specific monster in their brain lol

Anyways. That's all lol

#(Octo.txt)#(DID Tag)#ActuallyOSDD #ActuallyDID #DID System #OSDD System #Monster High

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 9 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 12

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 8/04/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “Oh, so that’s what he’s up to. I had a feeling he was scheming.”

Dieter grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him toward the sound. He gave my hand a squeeze before letting go to open the door. He was greeted by his sister, Gabriela, and brother-in-law, Shaun. Their kids, Sara, Samuel, and Luke filed in right behind them. All three ran over to hug their “Uncle Dieter” before taking off through the house with Shaun following close behind, already telling them to slow it down. Dieter took that time to introduce me to his sister. She gave me a big smile which looked very similar to his as she came over to wrap me in a warm hug. She stepped back with her hands on my shoulders, looking me over. She turned to her brother, “Dieter, ella es hermosa! (Dieter, she is beautiful!)”

“Si, una amiga muy hermosa. (Yes, a very beautiful friend.)” He gave her a stern look, followed by a small smirk.

She looked at him with disbelief and replied, “Right. I’m sure,” as she stepped away from me.

I shifted my eyes between the two of them with a tight smile and raised eyebrows, having no idea what was happening.

“Don’t pay any attention to Gabby, she’s just giving me a hard time.” He gave his sister a pointed look.

“Well, that happens to be one of my favorite pastimes, so I think I’ll let her continue without intervening.”

“Now I didn’t introduce you two so you can gang up on me.” Dieter said with mock horror.

“Why not? You and Lauren gang up on me all the time.”

Gabby laughed as she linked her arm with mine. “I think we’re going to be best friends,” she said as she led me toward the kitchen.

“Dieter has told me so much about you. I’m surprised he wanted to have this little get together so we could meet. That isn’t something he typically does with his friends.”

Gabby was eyeing me as she spoke. Like she was expecting some sort of reaction to her words.

“I think of it as more of a housewarming party and he needed help cooking. Not so much to meet me…or Lauren. Lauren is around here somewhere too…helping with the food.”

I sounded like such a spaz. I just needed to stop talking because she was making me nervous, and I was starting to ramble. I could feel my heart rate speeding up.

“Lauren, right. I’m pretty sure Dieter is trying to set her and our brother up. He was pretty insistent that Alex come meet her.”

“Oh, so that’s what he’s up to. I had a feeling he was scheming.” I shook my head and laughed at the thought. It seemed so random.

As if on cue, Dieter came walking into the kitchen with a handsome younger version of himself following behind him. I gave Alex a polite smile as Dieter introduced us.

While we were all standing around chatting, Lauren came in through the back door to grab some items to take outside. All eyes turned to her, and she slowly came to a stop, freezing in place as her eyes caught sight of Alex. A shy smile spread across her face, and she gave a little wave. Dieter walked over linking arms with her, pulling her over to meet everyone. Taking special care when introducing her to Alex.

“Alex, this is my good friend Lauren. She runs that art shop I told you about and teaches the classes.” He turned to Lauren, gesturing toward his brother. “Alex is into art too. He likes to do sketches, but it’s just a hobby. He’s currently going to school to be a pediatrician.”

Gabby and I silently watched the exchange. Occasionally elbowing one another or shooting each other a look. It was obvious they were smitten with the intense eye contact between the two of them as Dieter kept talking, trying to facilitate a conversation between them.

Gabby let out a small laugh and turned her back toward the trio.

“Alex is so shy around girls. This may be painful to watch.” She said in a low conspiratorial voice.

“Lauren doesn’t tend to be shy, so maybe she’ll get him out of his shell.”

However, the more I watched her, the more I realized she was indeed acting shy. This was new. I looked back at Gabby, “You’re right, this might be painful. I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

We both laughed a little too loudly, which got everyone else’s attention. I cleared my throat awkwardly as all three of them looked at us.

“Lauren, how about you get the meat started on the grill,” I blurted out.

She gave me a panicked look. I knew she didn’t know how to work the grill. It was officially payback for all the times she would do or say something in front of Dieter. I tried to hold in a smile as I looked over at Dieter, then quickly glanced at his brother, then back to him with a raised eyebrow. He caught on.

“Alex, how about you help Lauren with that. You’re the grill master after all.”

“Uhh, yeah. On it.” Alex said as he shook his head and walked toward Lauren asking what he could do to help. They grabbed some things out of the refrigerator before heading out the back door. As soon as they were out of earshot, all three of us burst into laughter. This day just got significantly more interesting. It might be enough to keep me distracted from my anxiety.

Once the three of us calmed ourselves, we moved outside with everyone else. Lauren and Alex were still manning the grill, both shyly chatting with one another. Alex appeared to be showing her how to work it. I busied myself with setting the food out as it was ready. Gabby sat at the table watching the chaos unfold as she sipped a cocktail that she had made for herself and snacked on the appetizers. Dieter immediately ran over to play with the kids and surprised them with the massive water guns he had picked up for the occasion. He pulled out the extras and gave one to Shaun and kept one for himself as they all chased each other around the yard in battle mode.

As I was setting things up, I watched Dieter. He would have made such a wonderful father. He was so good with the kids. For the first time since New York, the memory of him saying he had a vasectomy came to mind. Did he really not want kids at all? It was hard to believe after seeing him like this. I suddenly felt a sadness wash over me, wondering if it had anything to do with whatever haunted his beautiful soul.

He still hadn’t opened up to me in detail about his issues, but I knew he was dealing with things. I knew he had been going to therapy. I could typically tell the mornings he had been. He was always more reserved and quieter, opting to have a quick workout session alone before he would really interact with anyone. I never questioned him about it. I only offered comforting gestures and support when I knew he was down. I knew he would talk to me when he was ready.

As I stood near the table watching him, I realized Gabby now had her eyes on me. Studying me.

“He’s really good with kids, you know. I’m still holding out hope that one day he’ll finally settle down and have some of his own.”

I smiled nervously at her comment, feeling like she could read my mind. I wasn’t really sure how to respond. Clearly, she didn’t know about his minor operation. I opted for humor.

“He’s basically a big kid himself, so it makes sense.”

She chuckled, nodding in agreement as she turned her attention back to him. Dieter noticed us watching him. He paused slightly, giving me a questioning look before walking over, appearing to be concerned about something. He stopped in front of me, reaching out to grab my right hand from my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized it was there. It was then I noticed that my brows were drawn down together and my jaw felt tight. In my periphery, Gabby was watching us intently.

“Do you need help with anything?”

He was giving me an out in case I needed a break. I shook my head from side to side as I gave him a small smile and relaxed my features. I appreciated that he was still thinking of me, even with his family around. He gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my hand as he led me over to sit at the table with him and his sister. I sat first and he scooted his chair closer before he sat down beside me. He leaned back and draped his right arm across the back of my chair, grabbing a small piece of my hair to twist around his fingers. I wasn’t sure if he was doing that as a distraction for me or for himself as he suddenly seemed nervous too. It possibly had something to do with the way his sister was watching us. Her eyes kept dropping down to his fingertips twirling my hair as they chatted.

“So, are Anna and the gang coming later?” Gabby eventually asked him.

He looked down at the table where he was tapping the fingers of his left hand. It was his turn to draw his brows down together before answering.

“Yeah, they're supposed to. I’m not exactly sure who all is coming though.”

Dieter had mentioned Anna and “the gang” in earlier conversations. It was his group of friends that he typically spent time with while he was in LA. They were all actors, like him. He had known Anna since they were young and at one time, they were best friends. He had said the group was heavy into partying and he was currently trying to do a little less of that. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fit into the group now that he was trying to cut some of those behaviors out of his life. He did want to try for Anna’s sake though.

I noticed Gabby gave a slight look of disapproval at his answer. It seemed like she wasn’t a fan.

“How is she going to handle you having a new best friend?” Gabby asked with a raised eyebrow. Still sipping on her drink.

I could feel Dieter tense beside me. His left hand moved to the middle of his abdomen. Something I noticed he often did when he was feeling anxious. I leaned forward with my left hand, giving his knee a small squeeze.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m excited to meet everyone.”

I’m not sure if I came off as enthusiastic as I had meant to, but it had the intended effect. He visibly relaxed at my touch. Gabby was studying us again. She had a curious look on her face.

Suddenly our attention was drawn toward the grill, where Alex was rushing to put out a rather large flame. Lauren stood there, stunned. I had no idea what led to it, but the resulting scene was hilarious. The kids ran over and started spraying toward the grill with their water guns, but mostly just sprayed Alex and Lauren while he battled the flame himself with a hand towel. Dieter let out a cackle as he leaned his head on my shoulder. Once he caught his breath, he yelled toward Lauren, “I know I don’t know how to cook, mi pequeño giraso, but I’m pretty sure that ain’t it.”

Lauren responded by flipping him the bird, to which Alex burst out laughing.

“Well, I’m happy to see they’re bonding,” Dieter said to Gabby and me with a chuckle.

Soon after that little incident, Alex declared the food was ready. There were a few hot dogs he had to toss, but otherwise, everything else turned out ok. Shaun wrangled the kids so that he and Gabby could get their plates going. Everyone else fell in behind them.

Dinner with Dieter and his siblings was interesting. It seemed like they each had different silent side conversations going with each other from looks alone. However, verbal conversation flowed uninterrupted. It was clear they were all close and cared for each other. They were all easy going and welcoming to Lauren and me. It was as if we had known them for years already. I was having a good time and didn’t feel anxious at all. I could see why Dieter wanted me to meet them before everyone else.

By the time we had finished eating, all of us, aside from Shaun, had consumed multiple drinks and were a little buzzed. Alex and Shaun took off after the kids with the water guns while the rest of us sat around and chatted some more. At one point, Dieter stood from the table.

“Can I get you guys anything while I’m up?” Lauren and Gabby shook their heads no. I sat there for a moment, trying to remember the name of the drink he had mixed for us earlier. He looked down at me and touched the back of my hair.

“Mi Estrella? Anything?”

“Well, the name has left me, but bring me whatever drink you made us earlier, please.”

He briefly laughed at me, before Gabby caught our attention. She was staring at Dieter with a shocked look on her face. Her eyes turned glassy. A look passed between them that I didn’t understand. He lowered his head, looking slightly embarrassed and walked toward the back door without another word. She watched him retreat, with a bizarre look on her face. Lauren and I exchanged a glance. She had noticed it too. Gabby cleared her throat as she turned her attention back to me with a small smile on her face. I gave her a questioning look.

“Everything ok?” I asked her.

She smiled wider and looked down at the ground.

“I’ll save that one for him to share when he’s ready.”

I wasn’t really sure how to respond, so I just smiled in return. Lauren, who was clearly sensing the awkwardness, quickly changed the subject and invited Gabby to bring the kids to one of her art classes for the younger age group. Gabby seemed thankful for the subject change.

After several minutes, Dieter returned, followed by a group of people. I assumed this was “Anna and the gang.” It was a flurry of activity as he attempted to introduce Lauren and I to everyone. They didn’t seem very interested as they continued to talk loudly amongst themselves. None of their names really stuck, except Anna’s. She was pretty enough with her light brown hair hanging in waves down her back. She was tall and had an interesting choice in fashion. She was wearing some brown baggy cotton capri pants and a matching loose fitting short sleeve button up. It reminded me of something my grandma used to wear.

I stood to greet her, she looked me up and down as she reached out her hand.

“You must be the infamous Natalia that I have heard so much about lately.”

I gave her a warm smile as I returned her handshake, trying to be friendly, but she was making it hard. Something about her rubbed me the wrong way.

“That’s a cute little sundress. Interesting choice.”

I was a little stunned by her tone. I wasn’t sure if she was being facetious or not. Dieter picked up on my uneasiness before I could respond.

“Isn’t it though? She was turning heads the whole time we were out shopping this morning,” he said as he put his arm around my shoulders to briefly pull me into his side, then handed me the drink he was holding. He lowered his hand from my shoulder to rest on my bare back and rubbed gently.

Anna seemed confused by his response, but she smiled anyway. I chanced a glance over at Lauren, she didn’t seem very impressed with that whole exchange. I sat back down with my drink. Dieter continued to stand and chat with small groups of his friends as they scattered about. I noticed Gabby looking at Anna with narrowed eyes as she moved around between the groups with Dieter. Gabby leaned toward me and spoke quietly.

“Just so you know, they never dated or anything. Also, she’s kind of a bitch, so don’t let her get to you. She doesn’t really care for new people that much.”

Lauren overheard her and burst out laughing. I looked at Gabby with wide eyes. That was not what I was expecting from her. I just shook my head in agreement as I laughed.

The three of us spent the next hour chatting amongst ourselves. Alex eventually came over to join us, which perked Lauren up. It didn’t go unnoticed that they kept sneaking glances at one another. They were both being so shy that it was comical to watch.

As day turned to night and the alcohol flowed, the recent additions to our party were getting a little sloppy and obnoxious. After overhearing comments about the kids being a buzzkill while they played in the pool with their dad, Gabby decided it was time to head out for the evening. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with them. I gave her an apologetic look as she got up to get Shaun’s attention. They got the kids out of the pool and started getting them ready to head out.

I looked around in search of Dieter. He was over near the pergola, now lit with string lights, chatting with Anna and two others. He stood with one hand in the pocket of his shorts, the other holding a drink. His shoulders seemed tense as did the look on his face. Everyone else seemed to be smiling and having a good time, so I found it odd. I walked over and sidled up next to him. Gently setting my hand on his back between his shoulder blades to get his attention. He turned his head to look at me, giving a tight smile. I gave him a questioning look as I reached up to run my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, causing him to relax and lean into me.

“Your sister is about to leave. You wanna come help me pack up some leftovers for them?”

He shook his head and told the group he would be back as he walked with me toward the back door.

“Everything ok? You seem a little tense?”

“Yeah, I just kind of forgot what hanging out with them is like. They can be a lot sometimes. Also, my sister isn’t a fan. It probably wasn’t the best idea to have everyone here together.”

“It’s been fine. Your sister’s been hanging out with us. They’re all having a good time.”

I gave his arm a small squeeze as he wrapped a plate of food with plastic wrap. Anna walked through the back door at that point.

“You guys need any help?”

“No, I think we’ve got it covered.” Dieter replied.

She stood there for a moment, watching us move around the kitchen. I opened one of the cabinets to pull out some of the extra disposable foil pans to put more food in. I could feel her eyes on me as I did so.

“You seem to know your way around his kitchen.”

“Well, she’s been here for two days cooking, so I should hope so.” Dieter said with an annoyed tone.

“Have you been spending a lot of time here, cooking, Talia?”

I felt like she was insinuating something.

“No, actually. Yesterday was my first time coming here.”

Anna raised her eyebrow in response. Dieter stopped packaging the food and gave her a pointed look. She said nothing else as she made her way back outside, passing Gabby, Shaun, and the kids as they came inside. She didn’t even acknowledge them. I looked at Dieter and he shrugged, then went back to what he was doing.

Gabby came over and hugged me in a tight embrace as she said, “It was so nice meeting you. I hope we can spend more time together very soon.”

She turned to her brother, hugging him just as tightly. As she released him, she gave him a serious look before pointing at him to say, “Te amo hermano... y me gusta ella. No lo jodas.” (I love you brother…and I like her. Don’t fuck it up.)

Dieter blushed slightly as he laughed in response. He looked down as he replied, “También te amo, hermana.”

Dieter and I helped carry the leftovers outside to their car which resulted in more byes and hugs from the kids. Afterwards, we headed to the back yard. Lauren was still sitting at the table with Alex and another woman, who seemed to be attempting to flirt with him. He wasn’t impressed and Lauren looked annoyed. Dieter looked at Lauren, shaking his head.

“Julia, cut it out,” he said to the woman. She rolled her eyes at him as she got up to stumble off elsewhere.

The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. Everyone else seemed nice enough and were friendly toward Lauren and I. Anna took it down a few notches and attempted a conversation with us. She wasn’t so bad, but she seemed to be having a hard time with it for whatever reason.

Around nine thirty Lauren decided she was going to call it a night. She was exhausted after two long days of prepping for this thing. Alex jumped in to say he was pretty tired and going to head home as well. He asked Lauren if she was ok to drive. She said that she was. I scoffed and gave her a look that said, “Really?” I guarantee he would have offered her a ride home if she had said no. She stared at me momentarily, realizing what I was hinting at. She shook her head at me. I rolled my eyes in response. He did at least walk with her to the car. That was something, hopefully.

Now that everyone I knew had left, I felt a little anxious, which led to a couple more drinks. Dieter didn’t leave my side after Lauren left. I think that was just as much for him as it was for me though. The more his friends shifted into party mode, the more tense he seemed.

As the evening progressed, I noticed we were always touching in some way. It could have been anything from his leg being pressed against mine to his arm resting on the back of my chair twirling my hair. Some of his friends were giving him a hard time because he was being “boring” and not drinking more. I’m not sure what they expected from him. He was drinking and having a good time, but he wasn’t getting sloppy drunk like they were. This must be what he meant by them not being supportive.

It was close to midnight when everyone finally started to thin out. I busied myself with cleaning up while Dieter saw to it that everyone was covered getting home. Anna seemed to be lingering around to help with that also. However, I got the feeling she was waiting for me to leave too since she kept asking if I needed any help “finishing up.” Dieter finally spoke up and told her we had it covered from here while he set her up with an uber. She seemed slightly annoyed at his response, but eventually left without a fuss.

Once she was out the door, he looked like he was ready to crash. I gathered up my things and was about to head home when he stopped me.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna walk home. It’s not that far.”

“At this hour? You most certainly will not.”

“You don’t need to be driving.”

“Well, I’ll walk you then.”

“No. I don’t want to find you sleeping in the shrubbery when tomorrow rolls around.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed.

“I’m not that far gone, sweetheart. I think I can handle it.”

“It’s ridiculous for you to walk there and back.”

“You could just stay with me, and I’ll take you home in the morning.”

He seemed surprised by the words that came out of his own mouth. He clearly didn’t think about what he was saying before he said it. I stared at him, a little surprised too. This was a slippery slope he was on.

“That probably isn’t a good idea...”

“Oh come on, I can behave myself. You should know better than that by now. I’ll even make you some breakfast in the morning.”

“You don’t know how to cook, remember?”

“I can handle the basics…”

I sighed. I really didn’t feel like walking home, seeing as the room was still spinning slightly. I really hoped this didn’t make things weird.

“Fine, but I’m making breakfast.”

“Oh thank God. I didn’t want to do all that walking.”

I laughed at him, “Yeah, me neither.”

He walked over and put his hands on my hips from behind and started pushing me toward his bedroom.

“Let’s go, then. I’m toast.”

He gave me some of his gym shorts and one of his band t-shirts to sleep in. He also had an extra toothbrush that he donated to the cause. I changed in his bathroom, then opened the door so he could come in to brush his teeth while I did the same. As we stood there, my mind wandered to all the wrong places, as usual. Sometimes it was the simplest things that made me want more. Usually, it was the domestic behaviors like this that really got me.

I noticed he kept looking at me in the mirror as I casually looked around his bathroom. It was the first time I had been in that room, and I was trying to keep myself distracted. I noticed that it was surprisingly very clean. He probably has a maid, I thought.

He finished brushing his teeth, then stood back in the doorway, continuing to watch me as I rinsed my mouth out. When I finished, I stood there awkwardly holding the toothbrush up, silently asking what to do with it. He laughed and took it from my hand and stuck it in the toothbrush holder. I felt a little flutter in my stomach. I don’t know why. It wasn’t like he didn’t already have a bunch of his stuff over at my house as it was.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” He asked with a half smirk on his face.

“I’m thinking you have a really clean bathroom for a dude. What are you thinking about so hard?”

“That you look kind of adorable in my clothes that are like three sizes too big for you.”

I looked down and laughed.

“I do feel like a child playing dress up.”

We both started laughing as we walked toward the bed. The shorts were a problem. They didn’t want to stay on me, which caused him to laugh even harder. The t-shirt was pretty big, so I ended up losing the shorts before I crawled into bed. It just wasn’t going to work.

“Don’t get any ideas.” I shot at him as I untied the drawstring and let them fall off to the floor on their own. He looked offended that I would suggest such a thing and I laughed at him.

Then he took off his shirt, acting in a shy manner, and shot back, “Don’t YOU get any ideas.”

“Shut up and go to bed.” I responded as we both continued to laugh.

We got settled and he turned off the lamp on his side. Lying in bed with him in the dark was not a good idea. I could almost feel the electricity in the air. I could feel his warmth radiating over to me. I didn’t think I was ever going to fall asleep, but eventually I did.

I awoke the next morning to the feeling of a slight throbbing in my head, I most certainly had a hangover. It took me a moment to realize where I was and who was currently laying across me. At some point in the night, Dieter and I had migrated toward the middle of the bed. I was laying on my back and he was laying in the crook of my arm on his side, with his face buried in my neck. My hair was partially covering his face. He had one of his legs thrown across mine and his hand had found its way under my t-shirt and was resting on my bare stomach. Fuck. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

I laid there for several minutes trying to figure a way out of this situation that wouldn’t make it weird. To make things worse, he kept nuzzling his face further into my neck and hugging me tighter. A part of me wanted to wake him up and take things further, but I knew that was a terrible idea and I really needed to stop thinking like that.

I finally bit the bullet and tried to slide out from under him. He groaned and tightened his grip. I put my hand on his head, giving him a small scratch, and told him I was getting up to make breakfast. He groaned again but let me slide out from under him. I wasn’t sure if he even knew what was going on. He seemed out of it.

I made my way to his kitchen and started pulling out ingredients for an omelet and took a few minutes to figure out how to work his ridiculously complicated coffee maker. I pulled my hair back in a twisty knot to keep it out of my face while I worked. As I was cooking the bacon, I heard the front door open. I turned around, confused, and found Anna walking around the corner. She froze when she saw me in the kitchen, cooking, in Dieter’s shirt with no pants. I’m sure that looked great.

“Oh, Anna, hi. Ummm, would you like some breakfast?” I offered with what I can only describe as a grimace on my face. That a way to make it awkward, Talia.

“Umm no. I don’t eat that stuff. I’m vegan, but thanks. Where’s Dieter?”

“I think he’s still in bed.”

“Oh, well I was going to see if he wanted to go out to breakfast and catch up, but I can see that’s probably a no.”

I smiled nervously. I wasn’t really sure how to handle this. Luckily, Dieter chose that moment to come stumbling into the kitchen, still half asleep, in nothing but his shorts. This was the first time I was getting the full view of his topless form in the light of day and Christ he looked more amazing than he did last time I saw him like this. I tried not to stare, but it was hard.

“Oh, there you are.” Anna said, rather sarcastically.

“I came by to see if you wanted to grab breakfast, but obviously you’re covered. So, I’ll just let you two get back to it.”

“You can stay and eat with us if you want,” he offered.

“You know I don’t eat that shit. Call me when you finally have a free minute to yourself, please.”

She gave a flippant wave as she walked toward the front door. As soon as the door closed, he leaned across the island, propping his head on his hand.

“Remind me to move the hidden key so she can’t walk in like that anymore, please. I don’t like that.”

“I don’t think she’s a fan of me.”

“She’s not really a fan of anyone who isn’t ‘like us’. She thinks I’m lying to her about us dating and she’s also pretty damn salty that I haven’t been at her beck and call here lately. She doesn’t get the whole self-improvement thing. I’m just supposed to be fine as I was. So, don’t take it personally. It’s just her and her need to control everything.”

“She thinks we’re dating?”

“Yes, because I’ve been spending so much time with you and Lauren. It’s the only plausible explanation in her mind. Of course, I’m sure finding you here this morning isn’t gonna help that any.”

“Oh well. That sounds like a personal problem she needs to deal with,” I said with a shrug.

“Says you. I’m the one having to deal with the fallout. I hate to just cut her off because we’ve been friends since we were teenagers. Hopefully, she’ll eventually come around and learn to be more supportive of my choices.”

“Fair point. Maybe she will.” I gave him a small smile and went back to making the omelets. It really was unfortunate that he didn’t have more supportive friends. I could see why he would distance himself and seek support elsewhere.

He pulled himself up to sit on the counter next to the stove, watching me work. Occasionally biting his lip. Of course, he would put himself right in my line of sight without a shirt on. It was taking everything I had in me to not stare at his bare arms or chest. Add the lip biting to that and I just wanted to melt into a puddle. I felt like he knew it too.

After we ate, he started on the dishes while I put away the leftovers and all the ingredients that I had pulled out. He kept moving around me to grab things that needed washing. As he did so, I noticed that he was purposefully brushing against me in some way. Once I realized what he was doing, I turned my head and gave him an admonishing look. He responded with a big grin.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Seriously? You know why.” I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from smiling, which caught his attention. I watched his eyes drop to my lips briefly. I inhaled sharply and turned away from him. Fuck. I knew last night was going to make things weird. I needed to reign it in. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we had built thus far.

Once I finished, I went to change back into my clothes. He got dressed soon after so he could take me home. I felt like we probably needed some space today, so when he asked me what my plans were for the day, I lied. I told him I needed to do something to prepare for a meeting on Monday. He shook his head, then inhaled deeply. He had an odd look on his face, but I let it go. He pulled into the driveway and eyed me with a serious look as I gathered my things. He leaned over and gave me a small kiss on the cheek, like he always did when telling me bye. Both of us lingered a second longer than we should have. I pulled away and smiled tightly at him.

“Call me later, yeah?”

He nodded and gave a half smile in return, but he wouldn’t look at me. I let myself out of the car and headed inside. I dropped my things on the floor and immediately sunk down onto the large, overstuffed sectional. I wasn’t really sure what just happened, but the sparks were definitely still there between us. Emotionally, I was currently in a much better place than I had been, mostly because of him, but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I wasn't sure that he was either. I decided to push everything out of mind and pretend it didn’t happen. Maybe I was reading into things too much.

Next Chapter

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silverbladexyz · 1 year

Note

okay this is a long and specific request (sry just a random thought)

Dazai X Reader (with teleportation ability)

background story

Y/N (16 at the time) was a half time worker at the ada but was very often at the PM (btw she didnt tell that they worked in the ada) because she was Chuuyas younger sibling (only by one year) and looked at Koyo like a older sister. she was the one that trained Gins assation skills. She was also kinda close to Dazai, and was bestfriends with Yosano. But since she was 16 she had to go somewhere to study, so she decided to study somewhere in Europe to study coding or something and got in. But while she was there she needed a job so she went around and looked for a job and she found a good paying job but ofc it was a trap that was setup by Nikolai cuz he just wanted to. But somehow she was able to become Nikolai`s student and Sigmas bestfriend in the sky casino. She did finish studying and all that before becoming a DOA member. Years later (21 years old now) went back to Yokoami because Fyvodor was able to get arested. She finally got to catch up with everyone both from the pm and ada (but left out that she joined the DOA) Even though she was with everyone she was alot with Dazai, so Yosano and some other ADA memebers gets curios over this and the do some thing random you decide.

the plot and the request

the reader wants to quit the DOA but feels bad about it beacause she has been with them for a long time so its hard for her (but ends up leaving before the end)

Dazai x reader

pls no NSFW or smut

chuuya and Koyo finds out about dazai and reader (not happy chuuya)

looks : 155 cm, Ginger with a white streak of hair, no specific e/c, loves baggy clothes but dosent wear all the time

personality : kinda like Oda but a bit more expressive and lower chanse to get angry than Chuuya but close, loves Cheese, chocolate and cats. Dislikes killing for fun, horror movies, rats (fyvodor PTSD) and creepy people (cough* cough* Mori cough* cough*)

the rest is up to you or if you want to switch something do it

its ok if you dont want to do this :) hope you have a wonderful day/night

Hiii!! Lemme give you a medal first for the longest request ever that I've received xD 🎖And I will try my best to write this!

Btw, I changed a few parts! Reader is 19 when she meets Nikolai because it is canon that Sigma appeared from the book 3 years ago and reader wants to leave the DOA. She also catches up with the PM and the ADA, but it isn’t mentioned in this fic.

TW: Mentions of suicide, Dazai, killing, slight mentions of Fyodor’s philosophy

BSD Manga spoilers below!

Dazai x fem!reader

Should I stay, or should I go?

If you were asked to describe what you were feeling now, it would be a mess.

This whole ‘mess’ started when you left Japan at the age of 16 to study coding. A brilliant student and a prodigy at the subject, it was no surprise when the most prestigious school in Europe accepted you into their coding course. It was a bit hard to fit in at first, but later on you had made friends with everyone in your class, and you also were the top student in the year level for coding.

But you had to leave behind your friends and family. You were honestly a bit sad when you had to leave your older brother behind, but he had urged you to go for the scholarship, even when you could tell that Chuuya also didn’t want you to leave. You also had a hard time leaving your friends in the Port Mafia and the ADA, especially Yosano since you two were best friends, but they all encouraged you to follow your dreams and accept the offer.

The person you had the hardest time saying goodbye to was Dazai.

Dazai, the suicidal maniac of the Port Mafia. He normally put on a goofy and annoying personality, but his eyes were blank, as dead as the bodies that he had killed. Since you were Chuuya’s younger sister, he naturally took an interest in you and teased you for your height, however, your personality made him intrigued. Dazai then befriended you and often hung out with you when you two had time.

It wasn’t long before you caught feelings for him. His wit, his charm, his cunningly smart mind roped you in, and not to mention he himself was quite the handsomer. You were on the verge of confessing to him, but you had moved to Europe afterwards. Your feelings then evaporated, but the residue was still left in your heart.

The last time you saw Dazai was when you went out for drinks with him. He knew; of course he knew about your scholarship. Dazai had smiled at you and wished you luck, but his eyes didn’t quite match his smile. You were too preoccupied with the thoughts of a new life that you didn’t realise how painfully Dazai looked at you.

Moving to Europe meant expensive living standards, and expensive living standards meant that you had to find a job to get enough money. For three whole years, you were working at a lot of part-time jobs since you were a full-time student. The money you earned was enough, but it didn’t stop you from being stingy.

One day, you were scrolling around on the internet when you found an advertisement for a part-time coder at a programming agency. The pay was quite well for a part-timer, and you could definitely use some extra money. Without hesitation, you called the number and arranged for an interview to take place.

However, you had walked into a trap. Your ‘employer’ was a clown who went by the name of Nikolai Gogol. He tried to kidnap you to use for one of his missions, however, when he saw your teleportation ability, all thoughts of using you for his mission were gone. He then offered you then and there to be your mentor, or else he would kill you then and there and make it seem like nothing happened.

Even if you were suspicious of him, you were in no place to refuse. And so you started your life as a Decay of Angels member.

Hacking, travelling, killing enemy groups, exchanging information, these had grown to be the norm for you. You were trained well, and you could handle yourself in the missions you were given, but it was mostly thanks to your teleportation ability. Without it, you would either have been burnt alive or sliced into pieces or decapacitated.

Over the course of 5 years, you had grown quite close with Sigma, and Nikolai proved to be quite a good teacher and older brother figure. You were glad to have made new friends, but you hated your new life. Every single detail of it, and especially the Russian man who was the mastermind.

You wanted to leave.

But you knew it was no use. Even if you could escape with your teleportation ability, Fyodor could merely track you down and send someone to assassinate you. The demon always saw through everything behind those cold, amethyst eyes of his, and you were no exception.

Until 3 years later.

~~~

“Fyodor was arrested?”

You and Sigma were currently enjoying a break in his office. It was evening, and the sky was a beautiful pinkish hue. When he had casually stated the statement, you had jolted a little. Someone as careful and as cunning as the Devil himself getting caught?

Sigma nodded. “It’s all part of the plan, remember? When Fyodor is in prison, we’ll have to wait one month. After the Armed Detective Agency receives an award, then the plan will truly begin.”

The Armed Detective Agency.

Those three words, uttered with the utmost casualness, conjured up a storm of emotions within you. Memories from 7 years ago came swirling back, of you solving cases with Ranpo and going out shopping with Yosano. How sometimes, you would feed stray cats with Fukuzawa, or just hanging out with some of your friends. Your hand unconsciously curled up into a fist at the thought of what Dostoevsky had in plan for them. You leaned forward.

“What about the Port Mafia?”

“The Port Mafia?” Sigma looked at you curiously. “I’m pretty sure Dostoevsky has laid plans for them as well. He isn’t the type to forgo any possible threat.” He took a sip from a glass of water.

“Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering,” you replied. Sigma waited for you to speak more, but when it was evident that was all you were going to say, he didn’t press. You stood up, stretching, your face betraying no emotion.

“I’m pretty tired, so I’ll go to bed early. Good night, Sigma.” You said, yawning. Sigma only looked at you with more curiousity, but he didn’t judge. He nodded back and bid you goodnight, and you teleported into your room.

The Armed Detective Agency, the Port Mafia, Yokohama... they’ll all be doomed. Now is my chance to escape and help them!

But out of nowhere, a second voice came into your mind.

Are you sure? You know how close you have gotten with Sigma. And Nikolai; he was the best mentor that you’ve ever had, no? It would be a shame to suddenly leave them after everything you had been through together. And what about all the people you’ve killed? Do you think there’s still a place for a sinner such as you in the world?

Dostoevsky’s mocking laughter echoed in your head. The memory of his cold, violet eyes resurfaced, as well as his smirk that was only befitting for a demon like him. You pinched yourself, the pain keeping you awake and alert.

Shut up. Your philosophy means nothing to me. Yes, even though I am a sinner, it doesn’t mean that I can’t find a way to become a better person. I’m going to leave this place, and returning to my friends and family.

Fyodor’s smirk widened.

Go ahead. Try to.

Deep down, you knew that he was correct. You were always one to get too attached to people, and when the time came, it was too hard for you to let go. Only someone with enough intelligence was able to persuade you to bid farewell, to accept the change and to move on in life.

Such as Dazai.

~~~

“Ne, Dazai-kun. Say that there’s this person who is in a crime syndicate. They know that what they’re doing is wrong, however, they also find it so hard to leave because of the friendships they made in the organisation. What would you do if that person were you?”

15-year old you and Dazai were sitting in Bar Lupin together. It was a quiet night, with no people, no cars, no noises. Just peace and tranquillity.

“Hmmmmm...” Dazai pondered, tilting his head like a curious child.

“I would probably commit suicide! This situation sounds so tough to be in, and it definitely would torture me mentally, so why not end everything before it gets much worse?” He grinned, yet despite his excited tone of voice, his left eye was as dull and lifeless as before.

You blinked. “I’m serious, Dazai. What would be the best way?”

“Mmmm.... it’s a case of ‘logic vs emotion’.” You tilted your head, surprised to see that Dazai was kind of serious.

“Logically, it would be the best decision to stay. Criminal organisations are ruthless to the ones who try to leave, and the relationships made in the syndicate would’ve all been for nothing. After all, nobody dares to disobey the big Boss.” Dazai flicked his glass with a finger. A ping! sound filled the air.

“Buuuut, in my opinion, I would leave. Afterall, things do get boring quite quickly when you’ve gotten used to it, and not to mention that those ‘friends’ could become backstabbers in a second. So my advice would be to leave the organisation and find something to give you a will to live. Or, as the old saying goes, ‘follow your heart’.”

You pondered for a moment.

“But you know what’s cooler? Leaving without a trace and suddenly reappearing on the enemy organisation! That would be something to laugh about! Imagine the looks on their faces!” Dazai said excitedly, spinning around in his chair.

“I should probably do that! Ne, Y/N-chan, you would be my accomplice, would you not? And even if we fail, at least we would be able to die alongside each other!” He leaned forward, lips curled up into an eager and childish smile. Your cheeks felt hot for a moment, but you made yourself look passive.

“Unlike you, I’m not a suicidal maniac. So, thank you but no thank you.” Dazai drew back, a pout on his lips.

“So mean, Y/N-chan.”

~~~

He was right.

You hated every single second spent in this organisation, and it had slowly drained away your will to live. Even when you had made friendships, you knew it was a matter of time before the own organisation would betray you. And the hurt you would feel then wouldn’t be twice as bad as the hurt you would feel if you leave.

You recalled Dazai’s eyes; dull and lifeless with no spark of life in them. That apathetic-ness had only increased as time passed by, each day growing duller and duller by the moment.

Just remembering Dazai’s name awakened a blazing fire of emotions in you.

You had thought your feelings for him had died down, but they were just buried, not completely put out. The love you had for him burned strong, stronger than it had ever been before. Even if you knew that he probably didn’t love you back, even if he had just regarded you as a friend, it still didn’t stop you from feeling this way for him.

You straightened up. Quiet apologies spewed out from your lips, each thanking and apologising to Sigma and Nikolai for being your friends, and how sorry you were that you were leaving them. But you were following your heart.

With one last exhale, you shut your eyes and disappeared.

Omg I’m so so so sorry that this was so late!!! 😭😭😭 School was giving me a lot of hw ;-; but I’m glad that I was able to finish this. Tbh I’m not that proud on how I wrote this either, and I’m very sorry if I didn’t write it well!

@catzlivedforbsd @ashthemadwriter @i-just-like-goats @pixyys

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x you #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #slight angst #nikolai x reader #sigma x reader #im so so so sorry that this was late #silverbladexyz

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paraskao · 8 months

Text

I recently had a few soc(mostly kanej) fanfic ideas and wanna share them here hehe

Jordie lives A: Jordie(surprise-surpise) was alive the whole time, successfuly moved on, started a family and named his son after Kaz(who he thinks is dead). He visits Ketterdam with family and ofc meets our Kaz the most dramatic way possible. Dirtyhands doesn't seem to find a logical explanation for all of this.

3-6 chapters, Rietvield angst, maybe tiny bit of kanej, hurt/comfort

Jordie lives B: Jordie(surprise-surpise) lives, but he's less succesful this time and ends up on some kind of a slaver's ship. By the lucky coincidence, Kaz is also there, undercover for a mission. By the unlucky coincidence, Jordie's first instinct to finding his long lost brother is to hug him tight

2-4 chapters, Rietvield angst, tiny bit of kanej, maybe even tinier bit of wesper, hurt/comfort, Kaz's character study

Skateboarding shortfic: Crows have to learn to use skateboards for a mission. Silly goofy fic

1 chapter(2k words max), helnik, wesper and kanej, fluff, Mathhias lives AU, maybe a bit OOC,

Rollerskating shortfic: exact same thing but rollerskating.

Kanej angst hehe: Pekka Rollins comes back with a new plan and support group, so Kaz decides to fully take him down this time, pompously and grandly, even though this plan includes Kaz's self-sacrifice in the process. Inej is not willing to let this happen

3-7 chapters, kanej, some triggering topics(suicidal thoughts, exploration of Inej's and Kaz's backstories in full color, violence), hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, everyone needs a hug

Kanej sickfick: Kaz has a shitty day, falls in water during a fight and has to grab random man's body to get on land. Cathes some unpleasant flashbacks and a cold. Maybe also a stab wound but I think I should let the poor guy live. Inej takes care of him <3

1-2 chapters, kanej, a lot of hurt/comfort

Ukraine AU: I have no explanation for this. Just six of crows but it happens in the absolute ass of modern Ukraine, everyone drinks kvas and listens to Skryabin. Kaz is a gang boss in adidas clothes, Jan Wan Eck is russian propagandist and Wylan makes bombs to blow up kremlin. Also his mom is polish

?? chapters, ukrreal??, crackfic

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just-a-shark333 · 30 days

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I have so many kunikatai headcanons so I thought I'd share them!

-they met in middle school

-started dating first year of high-school

-got married(illegally, kunikidas idea) in the autumn following graduation

-it was a very small wedding, consisting of the two of their parents, and a few friends from school

-it was in katais favorite Cafe, a very small place that not many people know about

-they don't live together for safety reasons

-only yosano, ranpo, and fukuzawa know

-kunikida doesn't often wear his wedding ring in fear if it getting damaged

-sometimes katai will force him to play various video games with him

-kunikida really likes stardew valley and similar games

-kunikida let's katai braid his hair sometimes

-katai sucked at first but he's surprisingly good now

-T4t kunitai

-kunikida had a 'rebellious phase' type thing in high school

-and a short emo phase in middle school

-his teachers liked him for being a smart student but hated how often he got in trouble

-he would beat up anyone who made fun of katai

-katai would always tell him not to bother doing that but would absolutely do the same if anyone made fun of kuni

-kunikida helps katai cut his hair

-katai visits the agency one day and ends up telling everyone about kunikidas high school years

-everyone is absolutely shocked (minus ranpo ofc)

-kuni frequently gets kicked out of libraries for arguing with the librarians over how the books are arranged

-They meet at the school nurses office!!-katai had a very bad panic attack and kuni got into a pretty bad fight

-school nurses kinda suck tbh so kuni helps katai with his panic attack

-they become good friends after that

-or they could meet in a school counselors office for the same reasons

-they'd probably bond the same way too bc school counselors suck more than school nurses(Like seriously though, once my old school counselor told me that I was being selfish/a selfish person for being suicidal)

-kunikida is totally the type of guy to just throw random compliments into any sentence he can

-katai let's kunikida sit under his futon with him

-pillow forts!!!!!!

-autistic kunikida

-katai does his best to help

-like, talking for him as best he can when kuni goes nonverbal

-and offering him looser clothes when his feel bad

-MOVIE DATES!!!!

-And arcade dates!!

-Kunikida frequently has to drag Katai away from those because he keeps destroying little kids in games

-Dazai and Chuuya were on an arcade date of their own and ran into them once

-it turned into a double date where Katai tried to beat Dazai at every game possible and the other two just watched and cheered a lil

-katai hates pda

-kunikida also doesn't like it much, he thinks it's weird and unprofessional

-they cuddle a lot at home tho

-they both confessed at the same time

-kunikida said that he had something very important to tell katai

-katai said that before that he had something to give kunikida and hands him a letter

-kuni reads the love letter and is just like.."i...I was going to say the same thing.." and looks away blushing

-kunikida proposed

-he took katai out to a very small Cafe that hardly anyone knew about

-they ordered food and talked a bit and once katai got comfortable being there he proposed

-katai obviously said yes

-they got married (illegally) a few months later

-Katai said that he loved kuni first

-kunikida would have said it but he got too nervous about making katai uncomfortable

-katai didn't mean to say it but it accidentally slipped out

-Katai has social anxiety

-Kunikida helps as best he can, bringing Katai things so he doesn't have to go out and talk to people as much

-He still forces katai outside

-They go on walks every evening or so

-Kunikida does most of the cooking

-Katais not bad at cooking, but he just doesn't

-They lay in bed and listen to music together

-When kunikida was a teacher Katai would stop by and bring him lunch after his missions sometimes

-Kunikida taught advanced middle schoolers algebra and paet timed at the agency after

-his students were shocked when they found out

-Kunikida got arrested for protesting and breaking off those spikes cities put up to prevent homeless people from sleeping a lot

-Katai bailed him out every time

-Kuni became pretty decent friends with a couple of other people who frequently got arrested for similar things and some of the cops who repeatedly arrested him

I probably have more but that's all I can think of right now!

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piss3dm3nk3n · 1 year

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My thoughts are jumbled and all over the place but honestly i just wanted to rant abt the new ep bc OMG!

newest ep of Rick and Morty was literally (almost) what i predicted. Like, I didn’t say it on Tumblr and I’m mad I don’t have record of this but the idea of Rick being faced with the choice of saving a life or leaving was literally in my mental notes of things rnm should do. Like the character development!!! And the fucking idea that Rick probably saw HIMSELF in Piss Master; like people calling him a shitty dude, the suicide scene and his face after reading the letter (Just like the fucking Unity episode!!! Before he tries to take his own life FUCK omggg). AND PISS MASTERS DAUGHTER!!! How Rick was probably thinking of Beth in that moment and how he himself tried to commit in his own daughters house (the father / daughter relationships in this show man, fuuuck), MAN that was a crazy scene. I remember watching the Unity episode going ‘damn’ and seeing the newer episodes of rnm still provoking that exact same feeling from me is insane writing. Man was going through it.

The way the writers handled the whole suicide thing was so well done as well, like it’s a comedy and in the past a lot of comedies find it hard to tackle serious topics but rnm does this stuff perfectly! The Piss Master thing for example, Mr Jellybean even Planetina and the Morty and Beth afterwards ectect.

Analyse piss was honest to god, such a good episode! god, is was so heart wrenching I loved it!! The character development, not just from Rick but from Morty near the end of the ep. Like he doesn’t deal with Rick bs anymore, if he’s uncomfortable with smth he’ll speak up now. AND Jerry too! man actually stood up for his daughter! like he went from leaving Beth to fend for herself against a random homeless man to fighting a man who controls piss for his daughter!!! LOVE!!!

And I love how the ending is bittersweet! there’s still so much for the family to get through to actually be a healthy functioning family. Like Rick needs a friend, like now! Because he really can’t just trauma dump on Morty like that. But even then I can understand why he did and it makes me feel even more ARUGH! Like let Rick have Birdperson again, or like that guy from the toilet ep, or have Dr Wong in more episodes!!! Like he really should have gone to Dr Wong bc the whole Piss Master thing was clearly bugging him.

AND OFC DR WONG!!! I LOVE her character, the way she is able to have Rick listen to her just like that! She’s so intelligent and is practically the opposite to Rick in the way she is more smart emotionally rather than all that scifi shit. OMG and Rick falling for her bait where she eggs him on to try and ‘prove her wrong’ (THE INDIRECT THERAPY AHHH! When he realises she was right and that he ended up getting everything he asked for = therapy is good omgggg). I loved how the episode wasn’t just Rick sitting in her office going through his bullshit. Rick dealing with his issues through a more indirect way is def in character for him and more realistic for the show. I really hope we see Wong more in future episodes cause she is just mauw! I just love the way therapy is treated as a great thing in this show, bc I know my own experience at first was daunting but in the end (like Rick) lot of people realise just how great talking to a therapist is.

Just overall, a great episode, great writing, funny, sad, a very satisfying ep to watch.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rnm #r&m #jerry smith #beth smith #summer smith #dr wong

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goodfully · 9 months

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what another insane cliffhanger... my goodness, okay finished with the second book!!!! i just need to ramble a bit.

since i just finished it, i have thoughts on nino.. tbh i was quite fond of him initially but then he got increasingly unbearable haha the way he... says to lenu that since childhood he imagined a life where he, lenu, and lila would be together, and then.. uhm wow..! where the hell does he go! hahaha well maybe ill feel differently about him in the next book.

ngl tho, esp during that part with the elena/lila/nino drama, i was so stressed.. it just kept going!!! and kept feeling like so much!!!! wow. i had just kept thinking that theyd all best sit down and be honest with their feelings for each other and then form a poly relationship and run away together or something idk hahaha

okay i think one of my most favorite things about this book is how important every character feels. obviously we have lenu and lila, but like the rest of the cast?? they were not just some random childhood friends mentioned in the first book, they all are growing up too and are experiencing lives of their own. i think this book, more than in the first book, showed a lot of parent/child relationships, mm like how much we fear to become our parents.. to be inevitably trapped in the same fate as theirs. its in my mind a lot, about how much the things that happened to my own parents affect me. ahh elenas relationship with her mother.. despite how badly she wishes to not become like her mother, i think she does see her strength and her care for her... (oh god, like when she was sick and her mom comes out of nowhere?? and i think she was torn between feeling embarrassed by her and how capable her mother really was) oh and things like both antonio and ada becoming in different ways like their mother, stefano resembling don achille, lila fearing her son will be stupid, etc and ofc also just... the weight on all of their shoulders to.. hurry up and grow up? ahh. ///tw death tw suicide/// for the peluso siblings to witness their father be literally dragged out their house in front of them for allegedly murdering another man, hearing about his death in prison, busting the door down and seeing their mother hang herself. for the cappuccio siblings to only have their mother, who needed her children to care of her and her mental state more than she could take care of them. hhhh

that reminds me, the whole book i was hoping for more enzo content hahaha we really barely know anything about him at this point but i adore him. and he is there now! altho i wonder how much more we'll hear of him in the next books.

oh yeah, lila talking crazily about educating all the children to make a change starting with their generation... just like me for real... this is pretty much the main reason i studied early education hahaha its silly now when i think about it, but i used to feel like my skull was breaking from how much i felt i needed to find a way to take care and educate of all the children in the world in order to make some sort of difference... to find a way to get every single child to experience love and care from a loving and caring family... god. anyway i mean i still do believe that taking care of and educating the young ppl of our generation can change the world somehow, but it was just rather.. sad? seeing lila go crazy about her son and her very real fear for her son, that he might become like her and her family, unable to escape violence and poverty.

all this talk about a book centered on elena and not a single word about lenu yet ahhh my bad! oh i want to talk about her years at the university, and... gosh. just knowing you just lack something that your classmates from a rich family and background have that youll never have... even tho she quite literally graduated with top scores, she never felt fully capable? never felt enough? the need to work so hard to suppress herself in order to be okay in that city?? aghfh

alright, the ending! with her realizing that her novel (that she described as something that was truly hers to pietro) was basically born out of and deeply connected to lilas blue fairy book... god!!!!! what the hell!!!!! my goodness. she quite literally describes how theyre soulmates, how theyre connected by an invisible thread, how much they mustnt lose each other anymore. and when they finally met again and she finally realizes that "in the world there is nothing to win, that her life was full of varied and foolish adventures as much as mine, and that time simply slipped away without any meaning, and it was good just to see each other so often to hear the mad sound of the brain of one echo in the mad sound of the brain of the other." sobs. i think throughout most of the book, i so desperately wanted the two of them to just... be okay and stop being in constant war with themselves for each other.. but anyway wow, even tho for this second book the two of them arent with each other most of the time, the way their relationship is so hhhhh described so well and is always relevant, its so real wow its so real.

okay done... mm i was thinking that lenu is probably the more relatable character, but i think i identify a lot more with lila? not really bc of her life or the way acts, but the way she thinks maybe? the way she feels about ppl? idk actually, but its probably affecting the way im reading the series. mm starting tmr i wont have as much time as i do now to read, but im hoping i get through the next two books before the end of next month at least!

#finished reading #the story of a new name #neapolitan novels

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wintfleur · 3 months

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+ · 。 ꔫ ROROS GUIDELINES

﹕─┈ for requesting you can see here who I write for, it’s still not a fully decided list. Meaning that you can send in a request for a driver/hockey player or a character and if I feel comfortable or if I feel like I can write for that player I will do the request, but no promises !!!

﹕─┈ ୨ WHAT I LIKE TO WRITE ୧

✎ I will only write for female!reader and female!oc

✎ I write, fluff, smut and angst

✎ romantic/platonic/ familial relationships, poly!relationships

✎ fics, blurbs, drabbles, headcanons etc.

✎ for n.sfw writings and thoughts + sub!reader, threesomes, size kink, oral, fingering, praising, possessive, age gaps (legal ofc), sugar daddy, breeding/cp, somnophilia, cockwarming, soft dom!reader.

⤷ I am new too writing smut, so I’m still learning about what I like to write and what I don’t, I will add more to the list as time goes on. And you can send in an ask asking if I write for a certain something as long as it’s not too hardcore !!!

﹕─┈ ୨ WHAT I WONT WRITE ୧

I’m not comfortable writing - any hardcore n.sfw works, incest, death, suicide, heavy mental illnesses, drugs, degradation, anything with domestic abuse/violence, gore, extreme bdsm, sexual assault/harassment, male!reader.

⤷ I am sure I will add more things to this list as time goes on !!!

﹕─┈ ୨ MY ASK BOX ୧

﹕─┈ even when my requests are closed, my asks are always open , If it’s to send in some thoughts (sfw & n.sfw) or just to talk !!! I always encourage you guys to send in your thoughts and questions, I love talking to you all <333

﹕─┈ I am not a fast writer . . . So please don’t be upset when it takes me some time to get your request out.

﹕─┈ please no heavy trauma dumping in my asks, you can talk about your day, how your doing, random things . . . but please no heavy trauma dumping.

﹕─┈ You are always welcomed to send in asks questioning if I write for a certain person, genre, or anything questioning what I write for my n.sfw.

﹕─┈ again !!! you can talk to me in my inbox about anything, I love making friends and talking to you all.

﹕─┈ I find emoji anons (or what I like to call nonnies) so cute, so send in a emoji and I’ll add you or let you know if it’s taken mwah

﹕─┈ ୨ MY BOUNDARIES ୧

﹕─┈ I’m a very friendly person so I love making friends and moots !!! I have a habit of calling people pet names, and I’m comfortable with being called them as well !!!

﹕─┈ please be kind, that’s all I’m asking !!! If you have something to say to me, say it with kindness, it’s not hard.

﹕─┈ I’m fine with personal questions, if it’s too much — I simply won’t answer

﹕─┈ I honestly didn’t give this part to much thought, so I’m sure I will add more in the future <333

﹕─┈ any type of bullying, racism, homophobia, etc. Is not welcomed here and it’s not acceptable in general.

﹕─┈ pink bow dividers are made by @chaefilm

#﹕─┈ roro’s nav

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mittensmorgul · 1 year

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This is kind of random, but I'm thinking about the finale again: Do you think if Dean had ingested some vampire blood in that barn, he could have been healed? (And then just immediately be cured, ofc). We know that vamps are immortal and can heal their injuries, but I'm wondering if there's any precedent for humans-in-transition to vampirism to heal, or if you think that would be possible.

I'm not just asking as a hypothetical, I'm thinking/writing about Dean's state of mind in the finale. I def think he was very unhappy, and I'm arguing that he effectively committed passive suicide.

(My reasoning being: If someone has a mortal injury with no chance of survival, then their acceptance of death would be understandable.

If someone has a mortal injury but there are options, then their refusal to try those options says something about their mental state before that injury occurred.)

Some say there was time for emergency services to get there in time, (which maybe? they talked for a looong time after he was stabbed. but idk, I'm no doctor). But I'm also wondering if you think the vampire blood route would have been an option.

thanks in advance, I love your thoughts and your meta 🙃

hi hi! And I appreciate you too! I have to confess that I have far bigger issues with the finale than just that one scene, and haven't really thought about it in more depth than you presented above. I mostly do my best to not think about the entire episode at all... everything from the random dog that replaced cas to dean apparently filling out job applications to be a cop to the pie festival to that idiotic random hunt just... no :'D

(i mean, the universe has apparently been quiet since the end of 15.19, no hunts, no supernatural weirdness, and then THIS is the monster that acts up on them? I hate it, thanks!)

But I try not to dwell on it. I wrote an ending I can accept and I really don't think too hard about what happened on screen.

But yeah, all those dead vampires just bleeding all over the place, and they KNOW how the vampire cure works... it's just... stupid on the face of it. Dean just giving up because that's how he always knew he'd go out? I mean, did he not watch his own character growth over the last 15 years? Did he somehow forget about Living For The Ones We Lost that he got all misty about a few scenes before this? Or did having pie shoved in his face give him amnesia?

(or was this all just chuck's failed finale idea that we were forced to watch? I like that one myself... basically it's not real and it can't hurt me... >.>)

so yeah, sorry I can't expound more on it than that. it's bad. i still haven't rewatched the episode again since it originally aired, and i'm starting to think i never will. And for someone who's still watching the entire series in a loop (which i turn off right as they drive away from Chuck at the beach at the end of 15.19), that's just kinda sad.

#spn 15.20 #this is about as heavily as i can engage with it before i start smashing things :'D

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kunikidas-lost-glasses · 1 year

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Kunikida helping Dazai when he's struggling/at his lowest ft. Married!Soukoku

Please be mindful of the TWs

TWS: Dazai typical mentions of SH and suicide, metions of relapse, nightmares, very slight mention of feeling empty, being scared of feelings, mentions of panicking, mentions of grieving after a loved person, very slight mention of dissociation, slight mention of feeling like going crazy

Probably very ooc but idk

-------------------------------------

Kunikida is the only one besides Chuuya who is allowed to see Dazai at his lowest, who is allowed to comfort him and who is allowed to change his bandages when Dazai isn't able to do so. He just happened to gain a lot of Dazai's trust over the years of working as partners and now he is always there for Dazai. Especially when Chuuya isn't available.

The first time he saw Dazai being close to breaking down was one night where the latter suddenly stood in front of his apartment, wearing only his pyjamas and a random pair of shoes, looking like he would break down at any moment.

After Dazai married Chuuya and moved in together with him, he really wanted to try to live for his chibi even though he knew how hard it was. He tried not to hurt himself anymore and he tried to stop attempting because he hated how hurt and pained Chuuya looked when Dazai dragged himself home, drenched in water and shivering from trying to drown himself in the river or when his body was covered in new bruises and scars again.

It was hard but he really did his best and Chuuya helped him wherever he could without giving him the feeling that he would baby him bc it really wasn't something one could manage alone. Dazai was far too broken and messed up for doing this completely alone.

He was there for him when the urges to attempt not to harm himself got too much again, he was there for him during relapses and breakdowns and celebrated with him when he managed to fight off the urges.

After a while he really managed to become and stay clean and stopped to attempt but one day where Chuuya had to stay overnight in the Mafia due to a lot of paperwork he nearly attempted again.

Chuuya had been staying at the PM headquarters overnight because he had so much paperwork to do. Some people who were under his command had failed a mission and now there was a lot of paperwork to do. Mori had demanded that Chuuya had to finish them at the end of the week, meaning that he had only two days left. Due to this, Chuuya decided to work overnight even though he absolutely despised it.

He had often asked Dazai if he would be okay with this since the younger had been feeling down lately with Oda's death day approaching but the younger agreed so Chuuya stayed at the headquarters.

Dazai had been fine over the day. He worked at the ADA the whole day like usual, teasing his co-workers and Ranpo even invited him to spend his break with him and Poe at the café (He was sure that Ranpo already knew that he was struggling a bit since the last few weeks) and when he went home he was only a bit tired.

However the longer he was in this big empty house, the more his depression and his dark thoughts started to creep back inside his mind and sleeping was no option.

He had trouble falling asleep like usual and without Chuuya lying next to him it was even worse. Eventually he fell down an overthinking spiral so got up and walked around their home aimlessly, lost in thought. He tried to distract himself with random things but he fell down the spiral deeper and deeper. Ofc he thought about calling Chuuya and about breaking into his office to visit him but he knew that this would only distract his husband from working so he didn’t do it. After all, he didn't want Chuuya to get in trouble with Mori.

Eventually he just turned on the TV. TV usually bored him but sometimes it was nice to have some random talking in the background. Especially if the house seemed so horribly large and empty. Everything was just fine and he even managed to doze off for a bit but since he fell asleep while his mind was still racing and too stuffed with suppressed thoughts about Oda, he ended up having a nightmare about the latter's death. It was rare that Dazai had nightmares but when he had them they were horrible.

When he woke up screaming, he was alone. There was no redhead snoring quietly besides him and there was only the TV talking. His heart was racing and he felt the oh to familiar pain and grief which he always tried to suppress. His mind was filled with memories of the moment he held Oda, his breathing was hitched and his heart was racing which scared him even more. He still wasn't used to feeling a lot and accepting it.

The house seemed suddenly big and empty to him, his breathing became hitched, his chest became terribly tight giving him the feeling as if he couldn't breathe properly anymore and as if he wasn't getting enough air anymore and his body ached. He wasn't wearing his bandages since he stopped wearing them around Chuuya at home so he had to somewhat control himself not to accidentally hurt himself in his sheer panic. In no time everything got too much. He knew these panic attacks but he never tried to deal with them in a healthy way.

He wanted to slam his head against a wall multiple times, hoping to pass out and wanted to attempt to make it stop but the image of a certain redhead wouldn't leave his mind. He was torn between wanting to live for Chuuya and the old urges, making him feel like he would go crazy for sure.

His love for Chuuya was stronger and like in a trance he dragged himself out his house and went to the only other person besides Chuuya who he trusted and that was Kunikida.

The way to his apartment felt like years and was probably one of the worst times he had experienced before. The urges to just attempt in some way were racing through his head but somehow he managed to arrive at the apartment safely.

It was late at night so of course Kunikida was a bit pissed when opening the door but after he saw how horribly pale, messed up and scared Dazai looked but also how empty his eyes were and that he wasn't wearing any bandages and just his Pyjama he was wide awake, worriedly guiding Dazai inside.

Dazai was like in some trance and was caught up in thoughts. The younger nearly collapsed twice due to exhaustion while they made their way over to Kunikida's comfy living room so Kunikida helped him walk after a while.

He was thinking that Chuuya and Dazai had a horrible fight and was already ready to fight the Mafia executive even though he was pretty scared of the redhead and even though he knew that he would most likely lose against him.

After he sat Dazai down on the couch it took a few tries to get Dazai's attention and to snap him out of his trance. After Dazai seemed to fully realize that he made it to Kunikida's home,that the older was really seeing him in such a shape but after he also realized that he was most likely save from himself right now with his work partner there, he looked at Kunikida and nearly started to cry which startled the older.

He asked Dazai if it was okay to touch him and after the younger nodded his head, Kunikida hugged him tight and waited until Dazai calmed down a bit again. While holding Dazai he took a mental note that the younger luckily seemed to have gained some weight and wasn't as horribly boney anymore but that he was freezing so he had to bring him a bunch of blankets later.

After Dazai calmed down a bit, Kunikida worriedly asked him what happened and Dazai managed to choke out a short explanation. On one hand Kunikida was relieved to hear that he hadn't got in a horrible fight with Chuuya and that he came to him because the executive was still at work and not because he had been hurting him but he was still worried because the situation was still a bad one.

He didn't know how to deal with triggers and especially not how to deal with them when he had to help such an unpredictable person like Dazai. He still couldn't bear it to see his partner like this and he wanted to help desperately so he gently grabbed Dazai's hand and asked him what he could do to help him.

He spoke slowly and calmly the whole time while keeping his voice a bit down so that Dazai could follow his words and wouldn't feel threatened or get a sensory overload on top. He knew from experience that loud noises could easily lead to sensory overloads in such situations and he also knew how shitty they felt.

It took some time for Dazai to form a proper response in his head and to reply but that didn't matter. It was only normal. He told Kunikida anything he remembered, and which Kunikida could do (ofc he couldn't kiss or cuddle Dazai) , which Chuuya always did to help him calm down. Kunikida listened patiently and then did what Dazai told him to do. Most of the things were basic exercises like Dazai having to copy Kunikida's calm and steady breathing or the 5 things you can see method. The whole time, Kunikida didn't let go of Dazai's hand, squeezing it reassuringly whenever the younger's breathing started to get hitched again or when he teared up again. Dazai didn't tell him but it grounded him immensely. Physical touch was often one of the things which could ground him the best.

After Dazai fully calmed down for now and was kind of stable again, Kunikida got up and brought him a glass of water and asked Dazai for Chuuya's phone number, wanting to call the executive and wanting to inform him about what happened.

Dazai wanted to see Chuuya oh so badly. He wanted to get comforted and held by his husband but he also didn't want to worry Chuuya right now with this or distract him from his work. He knew that Chuuya would drop everything and come to him if he called and even though he was thankful for that and really wanted him to come, he also felt somewhat guilty.

After Kunikida gently reassured him that it would be okay and told him that he knew how bad he wanted his husband to be there as well that Chuuya deserved to know, Dazai gave him the number.

Chuuya picked the phone up after no time, asking Kunikida what he wanted from him at such a time, sounding rather annoyed and stressed. Kunikida apologized for the late call and told the executive about what happened. Chuuya's mood changed immediately from pissed to extremely worried, asking Kunikida if Dazai was okay and where he was right now while already getting up from his desk, grabbing his coat and storming out of his office and past some very confused guards.

Kunikida quickly managed to calm the other down a bit, telling him that Dazai was safe, uninjured and kind of okay with him in his apartment. He then told Chuuya his address (hoping that he won’t regret this later when the truce between the ADA and the PM was over) and told Dazai that Chuuya was coming here. Dazai was happy but still felt somewhat guilty.

Chuuya arrived in no time, he probably violated multiple traffic rules while driving to Kunikida’s house but he couldn’t care less. When Kunikida opened the door, Chuuya looked incredibly worried, asking him where Dazai was while entering the house. Kunikida led him to the living room where Dazai was lying curled up under blankets on the big couch, staring holes in the air with kind of empty eyes. As soon as he saw Chuuya, he sat up a bit and his eyes lit up again a bit but also got a bit teary.

As soon as Chuuya saw him, he rushed to him, kneeled next to the couch and let his shaky hands roam through his hair before hugging him so tight that Dazai thought his bones would crack. (ofc only after asking him if it would be okay to touch him and after Dazai gave his permission)

Dazai returned the hug, apologizing quietly to Chuuya for worrying him and interrupting his work. Chuuya told him to shut up and that he didn’t need to apologize for something like this. They held each other so close as if they were scared that if they let go, the other would disappear. The redhead told Dazai how proud he was of him for resisting and that he was sorry for not being there. Now it was Dazai’s turn to tell his husband that he didn’t need to apologize and quietly told him that he only resisted because of him.

At this point Chuuya couldn’t hide that fact that he was damn close to crying and he hugged Dazai even tighter, burying his face in the crook of Dazai’s neck, trying not to let the tears slip out of his eyes. They didn’t talk for a short while, holding each other close but they didn’t need words to understand each other anyways.

Eventually Chuuya broke the hug, cupping Dazai’s face with one of his hands, telling him how much he loved him and how proud he was of him.

Both still had teary eyes and when a few tears actually escaped Dazai’s eyes, Chuuya wiped them gently away. Of course he noticed Dazai getting a bit scared and uneasy as soon as he noticed the tears falling down his cheeks, so the other calmed him a bit down, telling him that it was completely okay and that it’s just human to cry. That he was allowed to cry. Chuuya knew how scared Dazai felt whenever he felt feelings instead of the emptiness inside of him.

Hearing Chuuya’s soft reassurance and hearing that Chuuya called him human made Dazai’s last bit of his emotional walls crumble down and he actually started to cry. Not out of fear or because he was upset. It was just that too much feelings were currently going on inside of him.

He still missed Oda, the night had been one hell but despite all of this, he still felt loved. His work partner who had always proclaimed that he would hate him had been there for him and saw him at his lowest, his husband was there, holding him, caressing him, calming him and calling him human and he had managed to resist the urge to relapse or try to off himself. Chuuya could only imagine the mess of feelings Dazai felt in the moment.

Feeling himself cry, panic rose up in Dazai and luckily his husband directly noticed. Chuuya had already expected something like this to happen so he sat down on the couch next to Dazai, held him close while Dazai clutched to him as if his life depended on the redhead (which is kinda was) and ran one of his hands through Dazai’s messy locks while softly telling him that everything was alright, that he was safe here and also told him to copy his calm breathing.

After he managed to calm Dazai down, he wiped away the tears before asking him how he felt. Dazai replied that he was sleepy and had quite a headache before quietly thanking Chuuya for being there. Even though he knew that Chuuya always said that he didn’t need to thank him for things like this, he thanked him anyway.

Dazai got sleepier and sleepier after a while and after Chuuya asked Dazai and Kunikida if it would be okay if they stayed here overnight and got the okay from both of them, Chuuya lied down on the couch, dragging the younger with him so that Dazai lied on top of him.

By now Chuuya himself was also quite exhausted, after all he had been overworking himself day and night since the last few days, but he stayed awake until Dazai drifted off into sleep, playing with his hair and peppering the top of Dazai’s head with soft kisses.

After Dazai fell asleep, he quietly mumbled how much he loved his idiot before placing one last kiss on the top of Dazai’s head. Then he looked at Kunikida again who sat down on the armchair, thanking him quietly once again for everything. Kunikida just smiled,telling Chuuya that he didn’t need to thank him and that it was only natural to help Dazai. After all, he cared about his work partner. He then asked the redhead if he needed anything and stayed a bit in the living room, chatting quietly with the mafia executive about everything, about what had happened and about work.

After a while Kunikida excused himself after bringing more blankets and a pillow for Chuuya, since he was really tired too and eventually Chuuya fell asleep too.

In the morning, Kunikida let the pair which soundly slept cuddled together on his couch sleep in and prepared a breakfast with freshly brewed tea for them after they woke up.

Dazai thanked Kunikida again too but also asked him to never tell anyone about last night. Kunikida of course promised him this and told the other that he could always come to him if he felt down when Chuuya wasn’t available. Even at work.

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