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feelbokkie · 1 year

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📱Distancing yourself from BF!SKZ after receiving hate 📱 (Part 2) (Maknae Line)

☀️Feelbokkie M.list☀️

genre: heavy angst, hurt/comfort

pov: 1st & 2nd person

description: Your boyfriend finds out why you've been distancing yourself (Half smau, half written) (I am so very sorry)

pairing: bf!skz & fem!reader

warnings: swearing, break up, mention of self harm, lots of tears, let me know if I missed anything

word count: listed below

screenshot count: 4

Part 1

Part 2 (Hyung Line)

한 지 성 (Han Ji-Sung) (868 words)

“Jisung, you’re going to burn a hole in our floor,” Changbin calls from the kitchen.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just going through Y/N withdrawals,” Hyunjin explains, not looking up from his latest art project.

“You saw her yesterday,” Chan says, walking into the living room.

You two did see each other yesterday when you went to bring him lunch at the company. It was only a brief interaction, you had to get back to work, but it was enough to make Jisung miss you. Which is why he wants nothing more than to spend today with you.

“Somethings wrong, I can feel it. She called me Jisung.”

“That’s literally your name!” Changbin yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

“No, you don’t get it,” Jisung finally stops pacing and throws himself on the couch. “The only times she uses my first name is when she’s annoyed with me or mad at me. She’s been calling me jagiya, jagi, Sungie, or some other nickname our entire relationship.”

“Did you miss an anniversary or something? Is that why she was she brought you lunch yesterday?” Chan questioned, determined to calm his youngest roommate’s nerves.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out but yesterday was just a day!” Jisung cried.

“Fans were camping outside the studio yesterday, maybe one of them said something,” Hyunjin says without thinking.

Had one of his fans said something to you? Jisung never wanted to make your relationship public, and this is exactly why. Everything was fine until a picture of you leaving his dorm wearing his shirt was posted online. The company gave them 2 choices: confirm the relationship or break up and deny the allegations. Breaking up was not an option. You had been good at avoiding hate comments, but neither of you had anticipated someone saying something to your face.

“I’ll be back!” Jisung shouts before running out.

***

“I completely understand if you want to break up with me.” Jisung wraps me in a hug as soon as I opened the door.

“Sungie, what? Why would I want to break up with you? What did you do?” A heavy weight settles in my stomach. Did he cheat?

Jisung lets go of me and looks me in the eyes. A sad smile creeps on his face as he places his hand on my cheek, thumb swiping just under my eye.

“You’ve been crying.”

After yesterday’s encounter with the fans in front of the JYPE building, I fell down a rabbit hole of hate comments. If a stranger was comfortable saying that Jisung was settling with me and calling me names to my face, I had to know what was being said online. I couldn’t be blindsided like that again. But reading all those hate comments that spanned the entire time Jisung and I have been public with our relationship fucked with my anxiety.

“I was watching a sad movie.” I force a smile.

“You don’t have to lie for me, jagi. I know you’re hurting.” Tears start falling down my face again. I don’t know how he knows, but I’m glad he does.

Ji takes my hand and leads me to my couch. He wraps me in a hug again and rubs slow circles on my back. His kindness only makes me cry harder, sobbing into his neck.

“It’s all so h-h-horrible. I didn’t do anything to anyone. I don’t know how you do it, Ji.” I whisper.

“Listen to this idiot. Crying about getting hate comments and worrying about me.” He coos.

“I’m serious, Jisung,” I pull away from him, “You’ve been dealing with this for years. You get hate but I’ve never seen it bring you down. I read hate comments for one day and I’m falling apart. And you’ve been working late all week and here you are comforting me. They’re right, I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t think that, ever again. How many people are in this relationship? How do they know anything about you or me? There is nothing wrong with falling apart every once in a while. I would be more worried if the hate didn’t get to you. I’ve seen you cry because a baby didn’t wave back at you. And the hate does get to me, but spending time with you remedies that. You’re always there for me, even when I’m having a panic attack in the middle of the night. You always take care of me. Bringing me food at the company. Waiting up late to talk to me after a concert. Just dealing with me in general, I know I can be a bit much sometimes. If anything, I don’t deserve you.”

“Sungie—”

“What do I have to do to make you happy again? Show me the comments. I will talk to every person who has anything mean to say about you.”

“You’re the least confrontational person I know.”

“I’ll do anything for you, you know that.”

“I know, and that’s why I love you.”

“I love you too. But you know I can’t sit here quietly while you’re suffering.”

“Can we deal with it later? I kinda wanna think about something else right now.”

“My offer for a movie marathon still stands.”

“Perfect.”

이 용 복 (Lee Felix Yong-Bok) (886 words)

Felix had been scrolling on TikTok waiting for you to reply when he saw a video of “fans” bragging about DMing you hate. He quickly found out that it was a new trend that fans had taken over to send hate to the partners of various celebrities. He saw that you were the subject of quite a few videos.

Doing some quick math in his head, he figured that your behavior changed around the same time the first video was made.

“Fuck…” he mumbled as he scrambled to get to your apartment.

***

I blink through the tears as Felix slowly shuts my laptop and moves it out of the way. He crawls in between my legs and wraps his arms around my waist, burying his face into my stomach. I didn’t hear him come in, let alone know he was coming over. I put my phone away to try to give myself a break from reading hate comments. I was planning on watching some movies on my laptop to try to get some sleep but I got sucked back in when I saw a new tweet about me.

“Why didn’t you come to me? Why are you doing this to yourself?” Felix mumbles, turning his head so I can hear him better.

“I didn’t think it would get to me,” I whisper, stroking his hair.

“Y/N…” He finally lifts his head and looks at me with his tearful eyes. He has never liked seeing me in pain.

I don’t know how they found my social media. Everything is private. My usernames have nothing to do with my name and my profile pictures don’t show my face. I changed all that when I started dating Felix to avoid this exact situation. As an extra precaution, I don’t follow any of the Stray Kids social media accounts and I try not to engage with anything related to them. I used to get bullied in school and I didn’t want to go through that again, it put me in such a dark place. It made me someone that Felix never met. Someone that I didn’t want him to meet.

“I-I-I wasn’t going to read anything but once I started, I couldn’t stop.” My head falls into my hands and let out a choked sob.

“It’s okay, let it all out.” Felix sits up and wraps me in his arms, gently stroking my hair.

We sit like that for what felt like an hour but was probably only 20 minutes. Felix finally separates from me. I feel his hands wrap around my wrist and pull my hands from my face. My face twitches from Felix touching my right wrist. I watch as his face twist in confusion before he looks down at his hands.

“Lix, don’t…” I try to stop him before he rolls up the sleeves of my sweatshirt but fail, too tired mentally and physically to actually stop him. I turn my head before I can see the hurt in his eyes. The bed rises slightly as Felix gets up. It feels so much colder in my dark room. I squint my eyes as the light turns on and Felix makes his way back on the bed. He sets my first aid kit in between us and opens it up.

“Felix you don’t have to—”

“Y/N, just let me take care of you for once. Please?” He breathes, not looking me in the eyes. I bite my lip as he cleans the fresh wounds on my right wrist. He works quickly yet softly. Once he’s done, he checks my left wrist only to be met with old scars, mementos of how I used to be.

“Why?” He asks, stroking my left wrist.

“Old habits are hard to get rid of I guess.” I chuckle. Felix is not amused. The scars are new to him. I’ve always worn bracelets or long sleeves to cover them up. In the past, they were a relationship deal-breaker for many guys. And if they didn’t run, they treated me like a fragile doll. Being with Felix made me happy to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t walking on eggshells.

“I’m serious. And why didn’t you come to me when all this started?” I finally look him in the eyes. They’re red but finally dry.

“I thought I could take care of it myself. I’m not who I was when I was in high school. Or, at least I thought I wasn’t. But it got so bad so fast and I found myself falling into old habits. I didn’t want you to see that side of me. I would understand if you want to break up with me now that you have.”

“I’m not going to break up with you. I get it. And I’ll take care of the comments. I don’t want you to feel like this, ever again. I want you to come to me more.” He takes my hand to his mouth and kisses it.

“I can work on that. I will work on it.”

“I will work on dealing with the hate, I promise. And in the meantime, I’m confiscating your laptop and phone. You need a break from reading about yourself. I’ll order something for us to each and we can talk some more, okay?”

김 승 민 (Kim Seung-Min) (980 words)

“What’s wrong, Min?” Minho asked the younger boy who wandered into the kitchen for the 5th time in 10 minutes.

“Nothing’s wrong,” He grumbles.

“Are you fighting with Y/N?” He asks, tossing a cheese stick and bottle of water at him. Both hit him and fall to the floor.

“She would have to actually talk to me for there to be a fight.” He sighs, picking up the food from the floor and joining Minho at the table.

“You know, I’ve noticed that you two are really similar. You push people away when you’re upset, she might just be the same way.”

“Yeah, but you guys always figure out why I’m upset and cheer me up. I have no idea what’s bothering her.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Seungmin thought about your behavior over the past couple of weeks. Nothing stands out to him. You two had gone on a couple of dates and you seemed happy. There are no anniversaries or major events that he had missed. You have been spending more time reading on your phone. One time he woke up in the middle of the night to find you reading something on your phone. He thought nothing of it as he grabbed your phone and put it on his side of the bed to force you to sleep. He thought that your quiet sniffling was because you were cold. But you could have been crying. About what?

“Aw shit,” He mutters when figures out what happened.

***

“Go home, Seungmin!” I shout through the door. He used to have a key to my apartment, but in a freak accident, it broke in the lock. With everything, I had yet to make him a new copy.

“Y/N, if you don’t let me in, I’ll scream.” I wait a few seconds, wanting to call his bluff, but I don’t want to take the chance that he’ll actually do it. My neighbors will call the police if he did. That’ll be a fun news day on dispatch.

I open the door and pull him in before he could cause a scene.

“You’re worse than Jisung, you know that right?” I quip, shutting the door behind us.

“Jisung hyung wouldn’t have given you a warning.” He smirks.

“What are you doing here? I told you that I don’t want to do this right now.” I cross my arms and head to my room.

“We don’t have to. I just want to see you. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, but I told you I’m busy.” His eyes trail my body and he scoffs.

“You look like you just woke up. Your hair is a mess and you’re still in your PJs.”

“I’ve been up all day actually.”

“Then you look like you need a break. Let’s take a nap.” Seungmin lays down on my bed and pulls me down with him. He wraps his arm around me and pins me to his chest. I try to get up but his steady heartbeat and scent calm me down. I haven’t been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks. The familiarity of Seungmin quickly lulls me into a deep sleep.

“Let’s break up.” Seungmin whispers as I slowly open my eyes.

“What?” I shoot up and look at Seungmin.

“Being with me is only causing you pain. It’s the only thing I can think of to give you some peace.” His eyes are red like he’s been crying. He must have figured out why I’ve been avoiding him and he couldn’t help but spiral.

“Seungmin, I know I pushed you away, but I don’t want you to leave. None of this is your fault, so stop blaming yourself. How is us breaking up fair?” He finally sits up.

“I never said it was fair. It’s a solution. Can you honestly tell me that you haven’t thought about it?”

He’s right, I did think about how breaking up would put an end to all of this. Only for a moment before I thought about how miserable both of us would be. How I would miss waking up to his sweet smile. The delirious long-distance calls we would have while he was on tour. How he would complain about me cuddling up next to him and whine when I tried to get up. His scent. His voice. Him.

“I’ll deal with it. I’ve been dealing with it because I want to be with you. You’re worth it. I just need a little time to adjust.” I place my hand on his and gently rub my thumb back and forth.

“It’s not worth it.”

“But you are.” I smile softly.

“No, I’m not,” His smile drops.

“Yes, you are,”

“I promise you I’m not.” I kiss him quickly.

“I promise you that you are. If I don’t engage— if I don’t let them see how they’re getting to me, they’ll get bored and stop.”

“If that’s your plan, then why have you been avoiding me?”

“Because I know that seeing me upset makes you upset. I didn’t want you going off on Stay and getting in trouble.”

“You’re literally going through a psychological hell and you’re still trying to take care of me.” He laughs.

“You would do the same for me. You already have. I know you’ve been hiding those comments from me the entire time we’ve been together. Reading those comments about me couldn’t have been good for you either. I know I get super depressed when I read hate comments about you.” I figured out he had taken my phone at some point before our relationship went public and muted any mentions of my name so I wouldn’t see any hate comments. He really thought ahead.

“God, I love you.”

“I love you too. Since you’re here, can we order food and start that drama Jisung recommended?”

“Whatever you want.”

양 정 인 (Yang Jeong-In) (780 words)

Jeongin knew that you were receiving hate. It was only natural in this situation. Some “fans” were bold enough to bring signs to concerts telling him to leave you for them or make comments at fan signs. As far as he knew, you didn’t read anything. If you did, you never let on.

But lately, you’ve been down and he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t family or work, you always came to him to vent if something happened. It wasn’t anything he had done, you’d freeze him out for a couple of hours before confronting him about it. And you wouldn’t miss watching a movie with your favorite actor, even if you were mad at him. That much he knew. The only logical explanation is that the hate was finally getting to you.

He spent the whole journey to your apartment talking to Chan to get some advice on what to do.

***

I felt bad for forgetting about the movie. Innie’s right, I had been talking about it for months. But the idea of leaving the house right now is dreadful.

A few pictures of me, taken without my knowledge, have ended up online over the past few weeks. Fans have been having a field day criticizing every little thing about me. They complain about my weight. My style. The way I part my hair. I knew I was getting hate. I saw one comment when Jeongin and I first announced our relationship. I convinced myself that it would die down and ignored it. I lived in blissful ignorance for a little over a year before a comment that a “friend” of mine retweeted made its way on my feed. It went downhill from there.

“Innie? Why are you here? I thought you would go straight home.” I asked when I found Jeongin at my front door looking disheveled and holding flowers.

“I figured out what’s wrong.” He places the flowers in my hand and kisses my cheek before making his way into my apartment.

“You did?” Out of instinct I walk in the kitchen and place the flowers in a vase full of water and walk it out to the living room. Jeongin is sitting in the armchair that has basically become his designated spot throughout our relationship.

“Why didn’t you come talk to me about the hate getting to you?” I sit on the side of the couch closest to him and lean forward with my elbows on my thighs.

“I didn’t know how to bring it up.” I sigh.

“How long has this been going on?”

“About two months, after I went to watch your music bank performance.” My eyes start to sting thinking about the unflattering picture and the comments that ensued.

“Two months? I would have thought two weeks with how you’re handling it.”

“I thought I was handling it, but I'm not. I can’t.” I choke out.

“Okay, we can figure this out. Chan hyung said—” Jeongin gets up from his spot on the armchair and joins me on the couch.

“I think we should break up,” I suggest, not even looking at him. I can’t bear the look on his face.

“Break up?”

“I love you with my whole heart, it hurts. It’s just that this world that you live in… I’m not cut out for it. I don’t belong. I’m not built to deal with so many people attacking me for just existing.”

“I can make it stop. I will make it stop.” He gently grabs my chin and forces me to finally look at him. His eyes are full of tears, but they aren’t falling.

“Jeongin, I’m sorry but I need to put myself first for once. All this hate is slowly but surely killing me.”

“I’ll… I’ll quit! I’ll leave Stray Kids and all of this will stop.” He pleads.

“You and I both know that if you leave, it’ll just get worse. And you love your job. The way your eyes sparkle when you talk about your music or when you nail a new choreography—I can’t take that from you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” I stroke the hair on the back of his head, trying to call him down.

“So, this is it? We call it quits and everything goes away?” The tears finally falling down his face.

“I just want to be happy, but I can’t do that in this current situation. I need you to let me go.” Jeongin closes the gap between us and places both hands on each cheek, pressing his lips to my forehead.

“I just want you to be happy too. I love you, I’ll let you go.”

—

Buy me a coffee?

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months

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A year in illustration, 2023 edition (part two)

(This is part two; part one is here.)

The West Midlands Police were kind enough to upload a high-rez of their surveillance camera control room to Flickr under a CC license (they've since deleted it), and it was the perfect frame for dozens of repeating clown images with HAL9000 red noses. This worked out great. The clown face is from a 1940s ad for novelty masks.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

I spent an absurd amount of time transforming a photo I took of three pinball machines into union-busting themed tables, pulling in a bunch of images from old Soviet propaganda art. An editorial cartoon of Teddy Roosevelt with his big stick takes center stage, while a NLRB General Counsel Jennifer Abruzzo's official portrait presides over the scene. I hand-made the eight-segment TILT displays.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/06/goons-ginks-and-company-finks/#if-blood-be-the-price-of-your-cursed-wealth

Working with the highest-possible rez sources makes all the difference in the world. Syvwlch's extremely high-rez paint-scraper is a gift to people writing about web-scraping, and the Matrix code waterfall mapped onto it like butter.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

This old TWA ad depicting a young man eagerly pitching an older man has incredible body-language – so much so that when I replaced their heads with raw meat, the intent and character remained intact. I often struggle for background to put behind images like this, but high-rez currency imagery, with the blown up intaglio, crushes it.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/04/dont-let-your-meat-loaf/#meaty-beaty-big-and-bouncy

I transposed Photoshop instructions for turning a face into a zombie into Gimp instructions to make Zombie Uncle Sam. The guy looking at his watch kills me. He's from an old magazine illustration about radio broadcasting. What a face!

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/18/the-people-no/#tell-ya-what-i-want-what-i-really-really-want

The mansplaining guy from the TWA ad is back, but this time he's telling a whopper. It took so much work to give him that Pinnocchio nose. Clearly, he's lying about capitalism, hence the Atlas Shrugged cover. Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights" makes for an excellent, public domain hellscape fit for a nonconensual pitch about the miracle of capitalism.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/27/six-sells/#youre-holding-it-wrong

There's no better image for stories about techbros scamming rubes than Bosch's 'The Conjurer.' Throw in Jeff Bezos's head and an Amazon logo and you're off to the races. I boobytrapped this image by adding as many fingers as I could fit onto each of these figures in the hopes that someone could falsely accuse me of AI-generating this. No one did.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Once again, it's Bosch to the rescue. Slap a different smiley-face emoji on each of the tormented figures in 'Garden of Earthly Delights' and you've got a perfect metaphor for the 'brand safety' problem of hard news dying online because brands don't want to be associated with unpleasant things, and the news is very unpleasant indeed.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/11/ad-jacency/#brand-safety

I really struggle to come up with images for my linkdump posts. I'm running out of ways to illustrate assortments and varieties. I got to noodling with a Kellogg's mini-cereal variety pack and I realized it was the perfect place for a vicious gorilla image I'd just found online in a WWI propaganda poster headed 'Destroy This Mad Brute.' I put so many fake AI tells in this one – extra pupils, extra fingers, a super-AI-esque Kellogg's logo.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/05/variegated/#nein

Bloodletting is the perfect metaphor for using rate-hikes to fight inflation. A vintage image of the Treasury, spattered with blood, makes a great backdrop. For the foreground, a medieval woodcut of bloodletting quacks – give one the head of Larry Summers, the other, Jerome Powell. For the patient, use Uncle Sam's head.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/20/bloodletting/#inflated-ego

I killed a long videoconference call slicing up an old pulp cover showing a killer robot zapping a couple of shrunken people in bell-jars. It was the ideal image to illustrate Big Tech's enshittification, especially when it was decorated with some classic tech slogans.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/22/who-wins-the-argument/#corporations-are-people-my-friend

There's something meditative about manually cutting out Tenniel engravings from Alice – the Jabberwock was insane. But it was worth it for this Tron-inflected illustration using a distorted Cartesian grid to display the enormous difference between e/acc and AI doomers, and everyone else in the world.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/27/10-types-of-people/#taking-up-a-lot-of-space

Multilayer source images for your remixing pleasure:

Scientist in chemlabhttps://craphound.com/images/scientist-in-chem-lab.psd

Humpty Dumpty and the millionaires https://craphound.com/images/humpty-dumpty-and-the-millionaires.psd

Demon summoning https://craphound.com/images/demon-summoning.psd

Killer Robot and People in Bell Jars https://craphound.com/images/killer-robot-and-bell-jars.psd

TWA mansplainer https://craphound.com/images/twa-mansplainer.psd

Impatient boss https://craphound.com/images/impatient-boss.psd

Destroy This Mad Brute https://craphound.com/images/destroy-this-mad-brute.psd

(Images: Heinz Bunse, West Midlands Police, Christopher Sessums, CC BY-SA 2.0; Mike Mozart, Jesse Wagstaff, Stephen Drake, Steve Jurvetson, syvwlch, Doc Searls, https://www.flickr.com/photos/mosaic36/14231376315, Chatham House, CC BY 2.0; Cryteria, CC BY 3.0; Mr. Kjetil Ree, Trevor Parscal, Rama, “Soldiers of Russia” Cultural Center, Russian Airborne Troops Press Service, CC BY-SA 3.0; Raimond Spekking, CC BY 4.0; Drahtlos, CC BY-SA 4.0; Eugen Rochko, Affero; modified)

#pluralistic #illustration #collage #fair use #creative commons

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andythelemon · 4 months

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Life update 2024

Hey everyone! It’s been a while since I last wrote anything of substance here. How time flies! Happy new year, happy year of the dragon! I hope this one is kind and auspicious for you all.

I'll admit to falling off the art train terribly for most of 2023. I barely drew; a lot of things I posted were older pieces for projects I couldn't share at the time. I think I speak for most of us when I say it's not been a great time for art collectively; growing frustrations with social media and despair at the state of current global affairs leaves little room for creative inspiration. I know many artist friends of mine are in the same boat. There's little one can do except plod on and hope for better times ahead, I guess? I'll do my best regardless!

Having said that, I did have a major touch-grass-normie arc offline, and as wild as it was, I'm glad I invested time and energy into that area of my life. After the lockdown years of terminal-onlineness, it felt great to do things that were not related to fandom at all, to have new experiences, to make new friends, reconnect with old ones, see new things. It was funny and terrifying all at once. I truly felt like a shonen and shojo protagonist (we will not go into details of the love triangle situation, IYKYK!). There were ups and downs, sadness and laughter, but that's part of life. I'm grateful for all that's happened and am a better, wiser, more mature person because of it. This past year taught me it's not about categorizing life's happenings into a basic good/bad dichotomy, but more learning from each experience and acknowledging we are wiser and grateful for having weathered what's thrown our way. Character development!

The universe has a way of working things out... so at the end of 2023, I had the opportunity to travel for 3 months. After hopping around the East Coast, Milan, various bits of Japan and a beach break in sunny Egypt, I've returned home with a renewed vigor for living my best life again. It was a joy to hang out with various artist friends in person and meet some of you at ANYC. I'll cherish every second of my travels and hope we can meet again soon!

I did fall off the nerd bandwagon for a while, so I gotta get back into the various anime on air! I've been watching Magi in my own time... such a guilty pleasure, but so many things await, including catching up on JJK S2, BSD, and everything else. Just goes to show my deep love for adventure, friendship-fuelled stories keeps me going. No promises on what this year holds art wise, but I'll continue trying hard and sharing what I can, as well as the usual self-indulgent group projects.

Thanks as always for the kind support and for sticking around. This blog is 12 this year... crazy, huh? See you on the other side!

#tp #shut up andy

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aimportantdragoncollector · 8 months

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Event Announcement!

Three Weeks of Trioholders is an event in dedicated to shipping the first three One for All holders in fics and art, hosted by yours truly. I commissioned the lovely announcement art from @poysean5. This event will run from Monday October 30 to Sunday November 19 2023!

Rules:

I will be accepting not only Trioholders (Yoichi/Second/Third) but also Duoholders (Yoichi/Second aka Ichinii), Yoichi/Third, and Second/Third. Basically, if your fic or art romantically ships the first, second, and third One for All holders in any combination/pairing, then it counts. I just picked the event name to be alliterative.

There will be both an art and writing category.

You may submit as many entries as you’d like. However, you will only be eligible to win once in each category.

The minimum word count for a fic is 1,000 words. Drawings must be colored.

AI (artificial intelligence) art or writing is NOT allowed.

I will be accepting any degree of heat for the romance, from mild crushing to NSFW.

The romance does not have to be the sole focus—for example, if you wrote a crack fic about the vestiges with a side of romance then that would be accepted. At the least, two of the first three One for All holders should be main characters.

Collaborations are allowed, though you can only win one prize for the group.

I’m not picky about time zones so I will count anything submitted until it is no longer Sunday November 19th anywhere in the world (GMT-12 is the last time zone.)

Prizes:

First place in both art and writing will receive a fic of a minimum of 3,000 words from me (Katydid on Ao3) based on a prompt of your choice. Second place in both art and writing will receive a fic of a minimum of 1,500 words from me. Honestly, if you participated in my One for All October contest last year, you know when I write prizes, I tend to go over the word count. I will also be offering an undecided number of honorable mentions (awarded with snippets) depending on how many submissions I get. One honorable mention will be given out randomly to ensure that everyone has a chance to win.

I reserve the right to ask for a different request if I do not feel capable of writing the prompt.

Submission:

Please use the tag Three Weeks of Trioholders if you submit your entry on Tumblr or Archive of Our Own. Also, please @ me (aimportantdragoncollector) if you share on Tumblr. If you post elsewhere online, then you can message me, send me an ask, or leave a fic comment with a link to your entry. Twitter or Fanfiction.Net entries are welcome, just please send me the link to make sure I see it. If I haven’t reacted at all to your entry within four days then you can assume I haven’t seen it and contact me again. I reply to all comments on my fics, and my tumblr asks will be open for the duration of this event.

Please contact me here on tumblr if you have any questions. I’m excited to be hosting this event, and I can’t wait to see what gets created!

#Three Weeks of Trioholders #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha event #bnha event #Yoichi Shigaraki #Second One for All holder #Third One for All holder #Trioholders #Duo holders #Ichinii #Ichisan #Ichiniisan #fanfiction event #fanart event

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meruz · 7 months

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Lightbox Expo 2023 is over!! Thank you to everyone who stopped by the table. I can't believe I sold out of both my sketchbooks AND my digimon fanbook... (multiple prints too?!)! I'm incredibly grateful... I will have a 2nd print run of both sketchbooks and online orders for the digimon book up in the next couple weeks so please keep an eye out for that!

More gushing abt the weekend under the cut

I sell at an average of idk... 3-4 events a year? So I would consider myself a frequent congoer though not necessarily full time lol. I'm a little jaded like it's not that I don't enjoy going to cons but theres definitely a bunch that feel like just-another-con-weekend to me lol, sometimes it's more work than play I guess. But this con felt really different! For the first time in a while I left a convention feeling really thrilled and giddy that I had been there. The kind of feeling I used to get when I would table at anime cons in highschool! And I think a lot of that is the people I met and talked to and the overall vibes at the event. Oh also I literally just had surgery and going to this con is like the only thing ive done this week besides lay in bed and play Story of Seasons on the nintendo switch and I thought I would be in pain and miserable but actually I HAD SO MUCH FUN...!!!! even when i skipped after-hours socializing every night to go home early and sleep 12 hours lol. SO ANYWAYS. YEAH. IT'S CORNY. BUT I wanna say thank you again to everyone who stopped by the table. Especially all the coworkers and long time mutuals who I met in person for the first time this weekend!! And the long time followers who told me they have been following me since homestuck or naruto or whenever. And college classmates who I haven't seen since graduation, crazy talented underclassmen who I'd never met but stopped by to say hi... So many people who absolutely made my day. SPECIAL thank you to my table partner Emi who is the best and such a good sport and accommodating to the point that I feel ridiculous when she thanks me for anything. And um also thank you to the artists who were cool and nice when I went up to their tables and blurted out 24917596 compliments in rapid succession. or only got one really awkward compliment out to LMAO... I felt so inspired and awe struck by everyone's work! God it was just so cool to be there. I LOVE ART....

Ok yeah thats it. its been a while since ive written a post-con blog post so earnestly lol.. here's my obscene haul photo I was buying stuff at this con like I was dying and couldn't take it with me LMAO.

I'm not gonna go tag everyone because I don't think everyones on tumblr but if you dont mind doing a little google search legwork: big x-men prints from chase conley, prints from jacki li/bguavas, azusa tojo, xanthe bouma, nicodaboy, susan yung, hormstuck, nessa tweneboah, linda liu, ash tahilan, zines also from jason dwyer, ash tahilan, aprilyn cunanan, veggiecakeface, deb lee, dune5and, uhh yoichi nishikawa art book and parakid calendar, stickers again from ash, marie lum, hormstuck, chiou, and emi hartana/crowlets OKAY I THINK I COVERED EVERYTHING THANKS FOR READING

#lifeblogging

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prolix-yuy · 1 year

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A Bearable Weight

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x F!Reader

Summary: New Years Eve is the holiday of new beginnings, and you take a leap to see if Javi might be one of them.

Word Count: 3k

Story Warnings: T, plenty of sweetness, more ridiculousness because I can't help myself, some lightly spicy kisses. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ so MINORS DNI.

Notes: I had to get these two to New Years. They were just too cute to leave hanging. I hope each and every one of you reading this waves goodbye to anything that made your 2022 difficult and enters 2023 with open arms and excitement. Now let's see where the new year takes Javi and Conejita!

Cross-posted on AO3

The restaurant is smaller than you thought it might be, unassuming in a strip of businesses. The sign for it is understated, white lettering on a black rectangle with a thin gold border - Aperitif. You’ve been studying the sign, and the door below it, for well over ten minutes, the chill night air creeping up your bare legs. The new dress you bought for the occasion - black, tasteful but a little sexy, an amount you’re comfortable with - weaves around your knees when a breeze makes you shiver. You look down at your heels again, still torn between whether the glittery gold is too loud for your personality or loving that they make you feel festive. Your hair is styled, your makeup is perfect, everything is ready for you to go inside.

And you’re still rooted on the damn spot.

Javi texted you a few times since the first voice message. Every new phone alert made your heart jump, evolving to a flutter when it actually was from him. He sent you photos of his friends’ Christmas tree, their dog plopping her head in his lap, the snow outside a fogged up window. He also asked you things about yourself, some that you expected and others that made you stop and smile.

What food will you eat if you’re having a bad day?

Best movies adapted from books?

Did your sister like the message?

Your sister did indeed, and after catching you grinning at your phone several times throughout the long weekend finally made you confess how you got it. Her elation over the serendipitous meeting was only eclipsed by your hesitation over seeing Javi again.

“Are you serious right now? Cute, funny, probably loaded, a dork, sweet, and definitely into you? I will drive you there and drop your ass on the sidewalk if you don’t do it yourself.”

So you accepted the invitation, which was accompanied by a string of excited texts filled with details and one that made you tingle from head to toe.

Thank you for accepting. I hope you will consider what I asked you in my first message. But only if you’re comfortable. I really like talking to you, no matter what.

A beat, then…

If you’d like to be mine, this year.

You did. Holy hell, you did. But you were also a classically trained overthinker, and the days leading up to New Years Eve were spent Googling and riding the rollercoaster of excitement and dread. The Gutierrez family had an online presence, and not all of it was good. Luckily it seemed like Javi wasn’t in the crosshairs, but the more you learned the more convinced you became that this was going to be a shitshow. Wealthy, influential, a lover of the arts and gorgeous in every photo you find, your hopes got buried a little deeper with each word.

He told you it was going to be a party, nothing large, but the idea of being in your department store dress among the elite of society made you want to cancel. Go out for coffee instead. Let yourself down gently when you realize how different your worlds are.

But then you find a voicemail - a missed call from Javi:

“Hi conejita, I hope all the texts have not been too much. I realize that you barely know me, and I am maybe moving a little too fast. I get…ah, well, I get excited. You have made me very excited, and I want to be, you know, ‘cool’ about it, but I am not so great at that. Anyways, I am…hah, yeah, excited to see you tomorrow. It will be a lot of fun. And, um…we don’t…I only want what you want, conejita. So let’s just…see where the night takes us. I know what I feel, but I…I only want you to…to know…agh! I am messing this all up. Sorry, this message is so long now. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m…I’m really happy to see you tomorrow. Okay, bye.”

What’s the harm, you thought after listening to the message three times. If it’s terrible you never have to see him again.

Another breeze ripples over your skin, finally making you move towards the door.

And if it’s amazing?

You smile to yourself and enter the warmth of the restaurant.

Aperitif looked small from the exterior, and the interior is about what you expected. It could maybe seat 30 fully booked, but the dining room has been cleared out in favor of buffet servers against the walls, the ivory bar lined with champagne glasses and eager bartenders shaking cocktails. The handful of people chatting inside don’t look like heiresses or oil barons. Your shoulders relax a fraction.

“Name?” the man at the door asks, a short list in his hand. You give yours and are ushered in, a drink immediately put in your hand and a string of metallic gold beads tossed over your head by a waitress.

“Happy New Year!” she says, taking your coat. You slip into the crowd looking for the only person you came here for - Javi. But his caramel curls and exuberant laugh haven’t reached you yet.

“I love what they’ve done with the decorations!” a cheery voice exclaims over your shoulder. You look around, then up to see a delicate web of black and gold streamers holding balloons precariously above you. One single streamer hangs to the floor behind the bar, which an olive-skinned hand points to. “I think at midnight they pull that.” You turn to see the woman speaking to you, and she’s...normal-looking. Peppy brunette with a sharply cut bob, sparkling brown eyes, and a glittery top with black slacks. Maybe you had nothing to worry about.

“That’s fun, I haven’t been out on New Years in ages,” you say, taking a sip of champagne. The bubbles tickle your tongue pleasantly. It’s good, much better than any champagne you’ve had at parties.

“Oh then you’ve come to the perfect place! Who invited you?” she asks, finishing off her glass and placing it on a waiter’s tray as it floats by.

“Javi,” you say, a little shyly. He mentioned that he was hosting it, but you had no clue who the other guests were. How long could you keep up the facade?

“Of course! How do you know him? I’m a long-lost cousin myself, been out of the loop for a while, but it’s nice to see him again.” She waits expectantly, and if you didn’t feel like throwing up before you definitely do now.

“Uhhh, we met…on a flight…” you start to say, working through how the hell you were going to explain the circumstances of your meeting to a stranger, when her eyes light up.

“Oh my GOD, it’s you!” she gasps, grabbing on to both your shoulders. “Javi told me about the girl on the plane on his way here. That story, the way he tells it, it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. And you’re here! Now! I have to find him, he’ll be so excited!” She squeezes your shoulders again with a little squeal before darting through the crowd, a nervous giggle smothered in your hand.

He told people about you.

He told people about you in a way that made him sound happy.

You could burst, the light inside you is so expansive.

You’re about to follow when a large palm circles your bicep, turning you gently around in the crowd.

“You came.”

Javi says it like a prayer, like he believed but never thought a miracle would grace him. His curls are swept back from his face in tantalizing waves. He’s in a gray blazer, a navy button-up with some abstract patterning hanging onto his broad chest for dear life. The top three buttons already gave up the fight, chest dewy with the humidity in the room. But it’s his face that melts your anxieties away. His eyes drape warmth over you, fondness in their depths that he only hinted at in his messages. His soft smile lashes your heart into a gallop, breaking into one of your own.

“Of course. How could I miss it?” you say, winking when his grin widens. He leans forward to place a chaste kiss on your cheek, hand spreading across your lower back.

“I am so happy to see you, conejita,” he whispers, raising goosebumps along the nape of your neck.

Oh, you’re in it deep now.

As the night continues more people file in, filling the small space with chattering conversation. You find the bubbly brunette again, who introduces herself as Julia, and get to talking about houseplant care and aggravations. She’s unpretentious, passionate, and makes you feel like you belong. Honestly, most of the people do. As the night wears on and you shake more hands and spark more conversations, it dawns on you why these people are all together tonight. This is Javi’s circle, people who understand him and bring him joy.

Bashful happiness that you might bring him joy settles in your chest.

Javi scoops you up every few minutes, guiding you to new groups or asking you if you’ve tried something. The upscale pigs in a blanket are your personal favorite, snagging a whole tray for yourself when a waiter walks by. You’re almost embarrassed, but Javi’s crinkled smile as he tries to steal one and gets his hand slapped is worth it.

A murmuring begins by the entrance, a flocking to the door. Javi comes to your elbow, leaning on one foot and placing his warm hand on your lower back. He’s been doing it to you all night, every time you stand beside him, but it’s never less thrilling.

“What’s that all about?” you ask, your third glass of champagne fizzing delightfully under your skin. He catches someone’s eye in the crowd, gesturing them over.

“Just a good friend who came to visit.”

You almost choke on your sip of bubbles.

“Nicolas. Fucking. Cage,” you scoff to Javi under your breath as the man himself emerges out of the crowd. He’s bee-lining your way but stops to shake hands and engage in polite conversation. His emerald velvet jacket contrasts the burgundy button-up underneath nicely, but the faded Dad jeans and white tennis shoes clash adorably with the ensemble. “You could have warned me!”

“Your reaction was well worth your annoyance,” Javi placates, pressing you forward as the crowd falls back.

“How are you doing Nic? How’s the family?” Javi asks, pulling the famous actor in for a hug. They give brief updates, you standing back a step awkwardly. Debating on slipping away, Javi introduces you to Nic and pulls you back into the conversation.

“The girl on the plane,” Nic says, and if you ever thought his speaking affect was fake you’re certain now it’s genuine. He takes your hand in both of his, shaking it earnestly. “I heard your sister is a big fan. I hope she liked the message, I know it was a little rushed but, last minute on the holidays, you know…” You shake your head, fighting back your sister’s scream in the back of your mind.

“She was over the moon. Thank you again for doing that, it was very kind of you,” you say, trading a secret smirk with Javi. It’s a harmless lie, but the fact that he’s perpetuating it makes you even giddier.

“Well next time you’re at one of Javi’s parties you should bring her. I love meeting fans,” Nic says, giving you a pat on the shoulder and peeling off to get himself a drink. Javi slides back to your side, the laughter you’d been suppressing squeaking out of the corners of your mouth.

“Clara’s gonna die. I’ll have to lie to her to get her in the same room as Nic,” you sputter, leaning into Javi’s side as he puts an arm around your shoulders. Frenetic energy dissipating, you savor the solid breadth of his chest, that delicious citrus bite of his scent. He holds you there, and after a moment his cheek presses against the side of your head. He inhales, your face burning when you realize he’s smelling you.

“That’s it, you’re a wizard or something. No one can grant as many wishes as you,” you tease, twisting to look into Javi’s face. The crows feet and wrinkles smooth as he looks at you, eyes darting from your own to your lips and back again. “Thank you,” you finally say, letting him slide his arm down to pull you into his chest.

“It is I who should be thanking you, conejita. I’ve been living a full life, a better life in recent times, but it feels that much brighter when you’re close to me.” His touch is hesitant when his fingers graze your jaw, his hold loosening on your back. It’s all broadcasting only what you want. He would chase you if you let him, though if you stepped away now he’d let you. But in those touches are the longing to be more than acquaintances. And in this room you thought you’d never belong in, you feel safe, and seen.

Over the chatter and laughter swirling past, you talk. About Javi’s life, and your own. Your work and what you love to do. His love of movies, your love of old houses and national parks. Your mutual dislike of overused CGI elements and predictable jumpscares. He strokes your back, your arm, as you speak, sometimes needing to break away to say hello or answer a question, but unfailingly coming back to you.

As the final minutes near, you voice the question burning in the back of your mind.

“Javi, you’re so…” you gesture at this posh, gorgeous man standing beside you. “You’re so far out of my league I can’t even see you. And I know I’m a catch,” you interject, gesturing at yourself now with amusement. “I’m a snack, I’m a whole meal, I don’t deny it. But I’m more like…Applebees than Wolfgang Puck.” You wave your hands, banishing the jumble away. “I guess I just don’t understand why…me. Here. Tonight.”

Javi’s brow furrows, his mouth tightening into a pout as he casts his gaze down. Waiting is torture, needing to know if this is just a little thank-you or something more.

“One minute!” someone shouts, the excitement in the room ratcheting up another series of degrees as everyone gathers in the center of the restaurant. Javi leads you to the middle, the throng of people parting enough to give you some space inside it. Once your feet stop, he sweeps you into another embrace, this one firmer. His eyes roam your face, searching for something before he speaks.

“As much as I love the old movies, I do not believe in love at first sight. I believe in attraction, and common interests, and support. I believe in two people finding each other in the most unusual way and taking it as a sign. And when the universe gives you another chance and it only makes you want that person more, well…” Javi trails off, one hand coming up to curl around your head, his thumb stroking the hinge of your parted jaw. Your eyes must be hopeful because he barrels on.

“Well, I am not one to overlook lightning striking twice. And you are…you are not an…apple bee?” he asks, confusion twisting the words. You shake your head and pat his chest.

“It’s a, like, chain restaurant. Sorry, doesn’t make a lot of sense if you haven’t heard of it,” you murmur, stroking a finger along his lapel.

“But that’s just it, because I don’t agree with that. You are so much more than I wished. I feel like…not like a puzzle, but like…two rivers meeting. Both strong on their own, but together, mingled, are in harmony.”

“Okay everyone, get ready, on ten!”

“Javi, what are you…”

“Nine!”

“I want more of this, conejita. I want more of you. If you’ll have me too.”

“Eight!”

“I…do, but I just…it…it feels so…complicated.”

“Seven!”

“We do not need all of the answers now. Just one.”

“Six!”

“Which one is that?”

“Five!”

“Will you let me kiss you tomorrow?”

“Four!”

“Three!”

“Two!”

“One!”

“Yes, Javi.”

The restaurant erupts in cheers of “Happy New Year!” as people hug and kiss and celebrate. One of the waiters pulls the crepe paper cord and balloons tumble from the ceiling, packets of foil confetti dumping and exploding over the crowd. If you were paying attention you’d laugh, reach your hands up to the ceiling and try to catch handfuls of the glittering shower, but you’re preoccupied with Javi’s gentle smile before he pulls your lips to his.

If this kiss was a precursor to how your next year would go, magical might be a good descriptor. Or explosive. Swoon-worthy maybe. But perfect might be the best. Javi’s first chaste press is followed by deeper kisses, his full lips covering your own with quiet little pants. When he pulls back enough to see your kiss-drunk face his whole demeanor lights up, lacing his fingers with yours and pulling you through the crowd.

Once tucked away on a bench in the back of the restaurant, he proceeds to kiss you with more fervor, tongue slipping against yours tentatively. He only interrupts the worshipful makeout with touches to your face like he still can’t believe you’re here. Covering his hands with your own, you tilt your head to one side.

“I feel like this is going to be a very good year.”

Javi’s sweet smile turns just a fraction devilish, and your heart flutters with it.

“Better than I could have wished for."

END

Part 3: A Gift of Light and Joy

#javi gutierrez x you #javi gutierrez x reader #javi gutierrez x f!reader #javi g x reader #javi g x f!reader #prolix fics

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ninjago-oc-appreciation · 8 months

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Ninjago Oc Secret Santa 2023

What is a Secret Santa? - A Secret Santa is a gift giving event; you'll be assigned someone to secretly make a gift for, and someone will make a gift for you. - It's very important that no one knows that you are making them a gift and vice versa, that you don’t know who is making you a gift! - This event is a writing and art event! Are there any rules? - Absolutely no N/S/F/W or Suggestive content is permitted for prompts, gifts, or references. This is /not/ an 18+ event. - No direct contact with the person you're making a gift for; you can communicate through me or someone helping run the event, or ask through anon on tumblr if you can. - No AI art/writing, Gacha edits, face claims, picrews, or bases will be permitted for oc reference submissions or gifts. - Oc x Canon and Oc x Oc ships are 100% allowed. - Fankids, sonas, and self inserts are also allowed; my only rule is that fankids of Lloyd x Canon ships are not permitted. - Please respect requests regarding holiday or seasonal preferences when making a gift. Don't depict an oc participating in a holiday or seasonal activity that the creator asked not be depicted. How many ocs can be submitted total? - At least one oc is required, but up to three can be submitted ^^ What will I need for sign ups? - Refs or art that show a clear, colored depiction of your oc. - OR at least two pieces of writing for said oc (does not need to be a whole fic. Could easily just be a quick blurb showing how they’re written as a character) - Basic Information/Fun Facts about your character. This can be background information, relationships, likes/dislikes, age and height, personality, etc. - Suggestions or prompts for your gift giver. Stuff to help get their brain going. - Your blog name (not the name you go by online but the url name. Like @/Ninjago-Oc-Appreciation. Make sure it's a tumblr url, and not from any other social media) What's the general timeline for this event? - Sign ups will officially begin near the end of October, around the week of Halloween. - Assignments will be within the first couple of weeks of November. - You will have until December 23rd to January 7th to finish your piece. These will be the designated posting days. - January 8th to 14th will be the designated late week. How do I sign up? - In Late October, I'll post a google form where you can submit your oc(s)! There will be one for writing and one for art! - Please reach out to me in someway after signing up. This can be through messages, asks, comments, etc. In the past we've had issues with the forms, where they'd "eat' a submission, and I'd like to know when to check to make sure this doesn't happen again. Additional Notes: - The forms won't collect your email, I turn off any settings that will to ensure privacy. If they are requiring you to sign in, tell me so I can look into why. - This year I am joined by @totally-not-into-drama! They have offered to help with assignments, so expect to get a message from either me or them when the time comes! - We'll be using #NOSS2023 and #SecretNinja2023 as tags for this event! That's all! If you have any questions feel free to let me know, I tried to cover everything but I may have missed something!

#Ninjago #Ninjago oc #Ninjago ocs #Ninjago oc Secret Santa #Ninjago events #NOSS2023 #SecretNinja2023 #Aries posts #Aries talks #dunno which tag I use

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cyberpunkaddict · 5 months

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2023 Letter.

Here we are again. It’s been a year since my last letter. This is my last post for 2023. I included a bunch of unreleased VP again.

Read the letter below:

This year has been a rollercoaster in many ways. It’s really easy to focus on the negative because it seems to take up so much space. But it’s important to take some time and think about the positive in life too to get some perspective.

Life is made up of tiny moments of happiness after all. ❤️

The Cyberpunk 2077 community is very important to me. "Stuff" we may or may not agree with is bound to happen no matter where we are, IRL or online. But no matter who you are, in the end we all want the same things; feel like we belong, make connections with people, escape real life for a while, have fun and feel safe.

I'm a broken record lol, but... Without you there wouldn't even be a community whatsoever. Thank you for being part of it and making it fun! ❤️

So, back to reminiscing on 2023...

If you know me, you know I'm a stubborn perfectionist. With that comes pessimism, but I’ve grown and gained a more positive outlook on life, which is something I’m proud of. It's not often I'm proud of something, striving for perfectionism and all, so admitting this is a huge achievement for me. I know I'm always gonna be a perfectionist when it comes to my art though, but that just forces me to be a better artist, so it's not all bad... As long as I don't overdo it, which is something I'm working on. My goal for 2024 is to stop being so hard on myself and upload more to Tumblr. ❤️

I started doing OC gif giveaways this year, and I definitely wanna do more, and not just gifs but VP too. I do these because I want to spread, excuse the cringe lol, happiness and positivity. I love to give back. It gives me purpose in life.

I started modding as well, which I wanted to do for months, but I was too scared because it seemed so complicated... But I did it. I'm proud I went out of my comfort zone for once.

So, Dear Everyone ❤️, once again...

Thank you for sharing your incredible art, writing, cosplay, mods, and the list goes on. I hope 2023 treated you well, if not, let's make 2024 beyond amazing! I want you to know that you make my day better no matter what is happening in my life. The simplest joke in a tag or a simple hi in a DM make me smile and laugh. And if this is how I feel, just know you make other people you've never met before feel this way too. I think that's pretty cool.

One day I might have to leave Cyberpunk 2077 behind, because that's how life goes sometimes. And that’s sad to think about... I’m not ready to put it behind me yet. At the same time it means that this community, and my OCs and yours will always have a place in my heart.

I will never forget you.

Here's to another year filled with lots of happy moments. ❤️

Bye 2023! Hello 2024!

Vicky

To everyone who made it this far, I have a little surprise... I’d like to do VP with one of your OCs. Comment on this post and tell me what you’re proud of in 2023. In a week-ish I’ll pick a random person (from the comments). :3

❤️❤️❤️

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insertsomthinawesome · 4 months

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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

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thesirencult · 5 months

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Astrological Predictions I Wrote Down Last Year Which Are Still Relevant- and will continue to be!

Note: I'm not here to spread fear and anxiety. Bad aspects do not exist. Our lives and the way the Art Of Astrology is expressed in our reality is a mix of different colours and vibrations. These predictions have been made with my own personal way of interpretation so please don't ask how I came up with some things. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to see the "mechanics" and "practical details" behind the predictions, simply read them and see if intuitively you vibe with them. Keep in mind these are written in a "personal notes" style so it is a tiny bit chaotic!

A year ago I did not post any content about astrology and tarot online, at least at this scale. Posting these personal observations is not a way fro me to "toot-my-own-horn". I'm actually quite skeptical about Astrology's capacity to "predict" but right now, looking at those notes it is apparent that most of those things have already manifested or are beginning to take form in our physical reality.

Enjoy and let me know what your thoughts are about what's coming.

2023 MAJOR ASPECTS

Pluto In Aquarius (23/3/2023, 3 months and then again in 2024): 20 year cycle, society, tech, consciousness, innovation on STEROIDS, last time 795,819, 1781 -> discovery of uranus, islamic/arab domination in north africa, fall and rise of dynasties in europe (foundations of europe as we know it now, al-Khwarizmi founded the field of algebra

Saturn In Pisces (7/3/2023, 26 february, may 2 2026): structuring the "unstructureable"

Jupiter In Taurus (16/5/2023-25/5/2024): wisdom of nature, stay ready/still, green

17/7/2023 -> N.Node in Aries/S.Node in Libra: love-war, Ares-Aphrodite, war between the feminine and the masculine. Fall of red pill and radical feminism, individual vs parrtnership.

Where Jupiter goes, Saturn follows. Dune, The Hermit energy. In the past few years with Jupiter in Pisces and Aries disillusionment was IN! Fights through screens (Aries), were just another day. Saturn clears the way after Jupiter's orgy. Dreams NEED a practical use (note from now : we have this whole hustling culture thing of set goals and be practical, we are basically trying to give structure to our dreams and create a step by step path to our vision). Example: astrology, NFTs and crypto, drugs, manifestation, art -> how are they contributing to our society and the betterment of it? Dissolving-then Forming-> identifying, dreaming-act/plan -> success. Only through the loss of individual power we realize we are nothing without a link to the rest of "life". Submitting to something greater/ fear (misty) of something destroying us or confronting external life. Sacrifice/Servitude. Who are you when stripped away from the world? (prison): stripped off the matrix/network, inner contemplation, power to serve to experience unity, science+spirituality meeting. loneliness + isolation = going deeper within,monk mode. developing a conscious ego. Information utilized/weaponized to help/guide the masses. Increasing consciousness and broadening the mind. We are realizing we are experiencing the "shadow" not the "idea" (Plato/Jung/archetypes)/Antigone-> divine law / human law/ loss of faith and search dor a new framework of values. Discipline in meditation, yoga driven towards God. Fight between atheism+spiritualism/nihilism+purpose. Turning inside because you lost faith, there you will find God and meaning. The form has outlived its usefulness -> conflict with the status quo and law. No church in the wild/godless. Saturn's death by Jupiter (taurus = structure).

Transformation of rules, social norms, ideas of humanity and how we use science+technology to manifest those ideas. Social + technological REVOLUTION. Renaissance. Turning to humanitarian, liberal arts/spreading knowledge-teaching. Astronomical discoveries, vaccines/antibiotics(shortages?), innovations in trade, change in the way religions and churches are structured as well as other organizations. More open. Blockchain. "Anonymity" but transparency. 48 laws of power, the prince. philosophy-> utilitarian/kant/pure reason. "how to maximize happiness for the majority. streamlined techniques. Pluto in Aquarius will bring the desire to reform. After 2044 these changes will be established. Everything will be brought to the surface. going deep and facing demons. PROMETHEUS MYTH , FIRE -> DARK SIDE OF TECH (note: AI). decentralised internet, open sourcing, energy. YOU CAN'T REACH GOD THROUGH TECHNOLOGY/CAN YOU? Grid failures+extreme weather. Internet cables connecting countries -> separation from WEB -> Who are we? power over...= domination / power with...= networks Pluto -> Πλούτος, abundance but can turn to greed -> eruption -> realizations. Society = individuals -> change= self change!

Society is going to turn its hopes, wishes , knowledge, resources and tech powers towards abundance and sustainability. Physical environment = abundance. I'm seeing a rise in holistic+cyclical approaches, natural medicine and art expression close to natural processes. Expect movement from big cities to the countryside and creation of luxury reatreats/hotels close to nature-sustainable.

source:thesirencult

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goron-king-darunia · 7 months

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Eggtober Recap and Masterpost 2023

Untitled Egg Poem Egg Yolk Splattered in a chipped bowl, Limitless potential Broken like the dawn.

Scared of wasted sunrise, Scared of loving white lies, Yearning, Wanting to breathe free.

Prison within a prison, Living without living, I am spinning, toiling, burning, Breaking, sifting, praying, learning, Nothing blooming Nothing growing Tears.

Crackling insanity, A song that boils within me A rhythm Setting me in stone.

And I'll claw in Like dandelions, Vines, like yeast and mold I'll make a mark one day, you'll see.

Rooted, I'll grow my thorns, It's not my fault for being born, Sorry if My laughter is too loud.

I'll make a reverie of mechanical monotony No more apologies Just me. Insects and wriggling larvae, Eggshell like lead paint chips, Star dust doesn't choose its shape.

Pigment from wilted roses, blood spilled by mistake, I refuse to ever break.

Not again.

Eggtober is over. We did it~ The poem doesn't really speak to a current state of mind. Just a pattern of maladaptive thinking I grew up having, being the weird kid. People like the rough edges a lot more when you grow up, I've found. Makes you interesting. Or maybe it's just easier to find your people when you're unapologetically strange online. And I like that Eggtober sort of embraces that. It's not a super serious Inktober challenge. Just a bunch of weird people drawing weird eggs. And I mean that in the best way. People expect there to be a "why" a lot. "Why eggs?" And sometimes there is a why. Sometimes I draw eggs to express something or to symbolize something. But sometimes there is no why. Sometimes it's just because an egg is easy or fun or comfortable. Sometimes an egg just feels right. Sometimes it's just to make something. Doesn't have to be poetic or meaningful. Sometimes you just draw an egg, and that's all it is. And I think a lot of discomfort around art is that everyone expects there to be a why, and if you don't have a why, then your art doesn't deserve to be seen. "Why do you like gorey stuff, kinky stuff, weird stuff? If you can't explain, I'm choosing to believe you're a freak and should be disallowed from creating." And I'm lucky, I think, to not be that popular. I don't get asked these sorts of things. But I see it happen to other people. And sometimes I get it. An answer to the why pacifies. I get uneasy with horror the same as everyone and I pacify it by reading the wiki and learning the secrets and understanding the why. But I think we need to get more comfy making up our own why, or get comfy with the knowledge that sometimes there isn't a why. Sometimes the little brain goblin decides there is no why. They just like the weird little eggs. And that's okay. And I think the reason we make up for other peoples' "why" should maybe stop being "because they're a weird little freak that likes degenerate things." Because yeah, maybe they are. But it's not a bad thing. And the world is a lot more interesting when we accept that we don't always know the why. And the why isn't always as simple as that.

I dunno. I'm rambling a bit. But I'm grateful to everyone that showed up and participated and shared and liked and just... enjoyed existing where the thing happening was lots of eggs and the "why" was just "why not?"

Hoping every one of you has a nice glass of your preferred warm beverage and stays nice and toasty for the rest of the year. (Shout out to the southern hemisphere folks if there are any. May you guys have an iced beverage of your choice and stay nice and cool for the rest of the year.)

Lots of thoughts about Eggtober 2023 and no good way to articulate them, but suffice it to say that having a loose amount of structure like this is very good on my garbage ADHD brain. If anything in the collage catches your fancy, here's the posts in order from the top left to the bottom right. May the rest of 2023 be sweet. I can't wait to see everyone again next year! And don't eat too much Halloween Candy at once, even if it is those yummy gummy fried egg candies.

Eggtober 2023 Posts in Order: (Unfortunately I didn't learn about the speedpaint feature until day 6 😢)

Eggtober 1st: Fried Egg on Green Eggtober 2nd: Lemon Fried Egg (Both Versions) Eggtober 3rd: Fried Egg Cake

Eggtober 4th: Poached Eggs and Asparagus Hollandaise Eggtober 5th: Sheet Pan Fried Eggs Eggtober 6th: Raw Egg (Both Versions)

Eggtober 7th: Painted Egg Eggtober 8th: Rice Crispy Eggs Eggtober 9th: Chocolate Souffle Eggtober 10th: Hot and Sour Soup

Eggtober 11th: Flan Eggtober 12th: Fried Eggs and Bacon Eggtober 13th: Ramen Eggs Eggtober 14th: Tiger Skin Egg

Eggtober 15th: Fried Egg with Berries Eggtober 16th: Cheesy Baked Cream Eggs Eggtober 17th: Mushroom Quiche Eggtober 18th: Cipriani Cake

Eggtober 19th: Pavlova with Strawberry Jam Eggtober 20th: Deviled Egg Eggtober 21st: Hard-boiled Egg and Mayo Eggtober 22nd: Scrambled Eggs with Cheese

Eggtober 23rd: Omurice Eggtober 24th: Shrimp Fried Rice Eggtober 25th: Uovo in Raviolo Eggtober 26th: Image of Fried Egg on Jack-o-lantern.

Eggtober 27th: Tea Egg Eggtober Eggtober 28th: Monster Eggs Eggtober 29th: Korean Egg Bread Eggtober 30th: Fried Egg on Magenta in the Stlye of @quezify

Eggtober 31st: Fried Egg on Burger Eggtober 31st Bonus: Egg Creature from SNOBBISM

Special thanks to my bae, @actualaster for the love and support, @hannikka for the encouraging words, @lady-quen for the ongoing collab, and @quezify for being the best host. Love you all! I am putting the King Sized Reese's and KitKat candy bars in your metaphorical Halloween bags.

#Eggtober 2023 #Eggtober 2023 Recap #my art #art by GKD #poetry #eggs

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chaosbeetlefrontiers · 2 months

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We need to talk about ghosttothefuture

cw/tw: stalking, racism, abuse

In the past I’ve talked about situations where I saw myself as a victim and blamed the people who rejected me because of my own behavior. In the present we’re doing something different.

This is a user named Ghost to the Future. Throughout the post I will be referring to him as Alex.

Since August of 2023, Alex and I have been friends as we shared a lot of Intergang ideas and later I would eventually help him overcome his insecurities and irl issues… or so I thought. Since Valentine’s Day, I stuck by him and tried to help him on a journey of improvement as he confessed to me that he was jealous of me talking to people that I’ve known for 2 years now because he wanted me all to himself when he needed to vent. I’ve tried multiple things such as exercises where he couldn’t DM me, cracked down on limiting the venting and most of all, trying to get him a therapist. I even talked to my own therapist and school about how I can get him the help he needed. It wasn’t just “get him a therapist so he could stop venting to someone who wasn’t qualified to handle it,” he actively hurt and pushed away my friends when they tried to help him themselves. For the sake of their privacy I will be censoring the names of my friends.

But eventually he told me that he’d get a therapist and during those weeks he told me about talking to him and even shared me advice that the therapist gave him and I thought we were on the right track. Then on March 26th, 2024, he confessed that he lied about it.

He admitted to lying about it and told everyone that he was toxic and manipulative. Minutes after this I blocked him and told him that someday we’d be able to talk again. Hopefully we could move on.

Then the day after he started spamming my email after I refunded him for a commission I never got to. He told me that he was getting help but he also asked me to unblock him and told me that I was the only person he hurt. We’ll be getting back to that in a bit. Make of these what you will.

To add insult to injury, he started stalking my Tumblr yesterday when he commented on one of my posts after I blocked him on Discord.

We’ll get back to the stalker part at the end because it is truly fucked but for now let’s tear into how he’s hurt my friends! Not all of this will be complimented by screenshots but I’ve talked with people and can confirm that all of this has happened, if you want evidence of it I’ll see what I can do.

He has constantly pushed my friends away after they have tried helping him out.

He has lied about watching certain media multiple times, my friends managed to prove this has he lied about watching a show that didn’t even air yet. Most of the time he fails to elaborate on why he loves a piece of art if he hasn’t experienced it or he’ll just sheep other people.

Back in December he complained to me about two of my friends making fun of him only to find out that they were just joking with each other and Alex made a big deal out of nothing.

After trying to set boundaries Alex kept on using the excuse that “we’re equals.”

He harassed one of my friends in DMs for having a Hazbin Hotel pfp at the time.

He makes fun of other people and their interests yet infamously can’t take any jokes towards him at all.

He tried instigating hate in me against my friends when they watched MAWS and didn’t like it.

Has urged and pushed people to do sexual RPs in the past even when they were uncomfortable.

He said the N word in my friend group, he is white btw. And when one of my friends talked to him about this Alex only constantly apologized and made excuses for why he said it. I have the screenshot of this, I won’t be sharing it in this post so I won’t violate any policies.

He’s made racist and misogynistic remarks towards people in his friend groups.

Has sexualized people who are younger than him.

This is only scratching the surface of what he’s done to people online as apparently he has a history of changing his username after being rejected from fandoms, one of which included the Owl House and he used it as a crutch to excuse a lot of his behavior. Online, he’s dangerous and a chameleon but learning about his irl activity he’s even worse. I won’t go too in depth there but needless to say he insults his friends, is violent towards other kids in his school and has caused a lot of toxic relationships.

And ultimately we get to why I decided to make this post. I told Alex’s friend (who is one of the nicest people I’ve met btw) that if Alex contacted me again then I would call him out. And since yesterday, Alex has not contacted me again… but he tried to. How? By using his friend’s email to message me. The attempt failed but I was alerted of this and furious. Originally I said that I think Alex can improve but he’ll have to do it without me. Now he’s killed his chances. Everything I covered here only scratches the surface of what he’s pulled but in short: cut contact with him for your own safety. If he tries joining more fandoms under this name or a new name, use this post for reference and stop him before he can do more damage. Right now, Alex is a toxic and manipulative person and shouldn’t be in a lot of these public spaces especially when he’s admitted that he is DANGEROUS. Currently his main fandom is My Adventures with Superman so I will be tagging that to get the word out. Please reblog as much as you can to get the word out and let people know about this individual before he gets to them as well. If you’re reading this Alex, you’ve hurt me and too many people for me to just let this slide and if you try contacting me and my friends again, hope you enjoy whatever stupid prizes you get in the future.

Until next time, I wish you guys luck. Stay safe, people.

#call out post #call out tw #tw stalking #tw racsim #tw abuse #my adventures with superman #If anyone is curious for more information feel free to DM me #My DMs on Tumblr and Discord are open and I’ll try to answer anything I can #But for now please leave me be #I’ve been going through a lot rn #maws

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thecouchsofa · 5 months

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2023 ao3 wrapped / fic review / whatever else I'm putting here

@oflights, the human, the myth, the legend, has made me go look at my stats and now you have to look at them too. Tagging @jtimu @elskanellis @sillywives @sleepstxtic @maesterchill @peachydreamxx @hoko-onchi-writes @starquestingfordrarry @rainstormradish @apricitydays-lazynights @annanother-thing @uncannycerulean @drarrymyheart @mallstars so they can also feel this sweet, sweet pain (if they want).

First up, some stats!

Fics posted: 7 public, 1 currently hidden, 1 awaiting submission date + 3 tumblr microfics

Fics started (and maybe finished): 18 + 3 tumblr microfics

Word count of fics posted: 414,013

Total word count written: 513,953

Sorry, but what the actual fuck do you mean I've written over 500k words since April? Put me in restraints, truly.

My favourite fic I wrote this year: The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls

My most kudos'd fic of this year: Driving me crazy (but I'm into it)

I've also read, like, a fucking horrendous amount of fics this year. More than I think I read back when I was deep in the One Direction trenches as a teen. Getting back into writing has given me a fresh appreciation for everyone's work; it's so fucking hard to write well and everyone who puts themselves out there and does that gets an online hug from me.

After Erised reveals I'll be posting a ridiculously long list of my favourite fics that were posted in 2023. It is ... exhaustive. I should probably be embarrassed by how long it is.

But without further ado, a recap of my fics from this year.

May

Driving me crazy (but I'm into it) (8k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s fucked a lot of people. He’s fucked models, Quidditch players, members of the Wizengamot, even a Muggle actor, but none of them come quite as prettily as Harry Potter.

September

A Walk in the Woods (48k, E) (Draco/Harry)

After ending up in the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo’s, Harry is put on mandatory holiday leave.

The catch: he has to spend it with Malfoy at his cottage deep in the woods. Harry has no idea why Malfoy agreed to host him, considering he avoided ever being alone in a room with Harry before he left for his sabbatical a year ago.

To complicate things, Harry’s enormous longstanding crush hasn’t waned at all in Malfoy’s absence.

For: HP Cottagecore Fest

The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls (256k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Harry doesn’t know how to cope after the War. The only things that make him feel even remotely normal again are taking risks while flying and fighting with Malfoy. It’s not likely to end well.

Or,

Draco becomes obsessed with ‘Wonderwall’, reads Muggle books, and drives a campervan, while Harry slowly falls in love with Draco. A story about travelling around the British Isles in the late 90s while healing deep scars.

October

Capillaries (3.6k, M) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s Sectumsempra scars have never fully healed. He says that it’s not Harry’s fault, that he doesn’t blame him for it. Harry hears him, but he’s not sure that he believes it.

Evergreen (23k, T) (Harry/George)

“You’d better hurry up, mate, or all the good ones will have gone.” Fred leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly thinking that he’d now exceeded his allowance of brotherly wisdom for the day.

“Who are you going with then?” Harry asked suddenly. He looked between Fred and George, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Harry asks George to the Yule Ball because it’ll be a laugh and he’s in dire need of one of those. If George can continue to keep his crush under wraps it should all go swimmingly.

For: HP Rarepair Fest IV

Celestial (paint me like one of your starscapes) (30k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco needs a partner for an art project. The only catch is, they have to be magically compatible with him for the paints to work properly. He’s fairly certain that he knows who his partner will need to be, he’s just not sure that he wants to admit it.

For: H/D Sudsfest Lite 2023

November

November Flush (5k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco Malfoy might be an absolute raging arsehole, but he gives Harry exactly what he needs.

Microfics (all Draco/Harry)

From one to another, for the prompt 'follow': tumblr link

Til resentment do us part, for the prompt 'keep': tumblr link

Satiate, for the prompt 'indulge': tumblr link

Thoughts / feeling / goals for next year

Pride, slight embarrassment, love, appreciation.

For the coming year I'm excited to get stuck into writing even more. I've got so many ideas that I'm excited to work through and a fantastic community to do that with. I will need to be bullied into not signing up for more fests in the new year, so please give me a nudge if my blogging starts to look stressed. Also never be nervous to send me a message about random shit if you're on the fence!

If you have read this far, have read even a single sentence I've written this year, or have thought my Squirtle pic looks cool, I love you, I appreciate you, and I support you.

The motto for 2024? Bedcurtains. One word, not two.

Thanks for being here! ❤️

#my stuff #fandom #drarry fics #thecouchsofa #year in review #fic year in review #ao3 wrapped #tee rambles

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