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xjustakay · 2 months

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jegulus micro(?)fic — 2,213 words. nsfw; the ‘James-desperately-needs-something-in-his-mouth’ episode (dedicated to my dear darling @imdamagecontrol<3)

James’ hands flex in and out of fists behind his back, wrists straining against silk tied in a firm knot around them. In reality, if he squirmed enough he could probably worm his way out of the restraint, it’s just one of Regulus’ ties, after all. But that’s not really the point.

The point, actually, is that James needs this.

He’s been so stressed lately, juggling more than he can properly carry, and it’s started to weigh on him. Make him overwhelmed. Change his mood enough to be apparent. Typically, he does a good job at hiding it, but some days…

Some days the itch beneath his skin gets a little too insistent. Some days his tone turns clipped and his mannerisms become twitchy and all that he feels is suddenly visible.

And those days, well. Those days pile up, to the point that he needs a good break.

Regulus doesn’t particularly enjoy it when he lets himself get so deep in it —there’s been pointed comments about taking care of himself over the last couple days as he’s noticed progressive changes in James. So when James had come home today after yet another long one, feeling ready to tear right out of his own skin, he’d asked.

“Can you take care of me tonight?”

Once he’d made sure he understood what it was James was asking for, Regulus was quick to give him just what he needed. A loose hold at his throat, a level stare as he pulled him inches away from his face.

A promise between the lines of Regulus’ murmured, “Be good and wait for me.”

He’d waited on the floor at the foot of the bed for ten minutes after stripping down to just his briefs, knees twinging as he tried to balance his weight more comfortably. Then Regulus had come in, wordlessly giving him a once-over before he undressed. He’d muttered gentle praises when James had let him tug both arms behind his back, Regulus securing his tie around his wrists.

Now, a familiar hand brushes his cheek, trails down to his neck. Regulus thumbs at his Adam’s apple and James swallows beneath it, staring at the jut of Regulus’ hip bone where he stands in front of him.

“Alright?” Regulus checks, hand curling loosely around his throat, pulling him close again, just like earlier.

James inhales deeply where his nose presses right above Regulus’ navel. He leaves a gentle kiss there, nods his head. The hand at his throat tightens.

“Use your words,” Regulus instructs.

“I’m good.”

James traces his tongue downward, through the thin trail of dark hair that disappears beneath the waistband of Regulus’ briefs. He catches the elastic between his teeth, tugs at it, lets it snap back against porcelain skin. Ducking lower, James mouths at the outline of Regulus’ cock, tongue wetting the fabric and feeling the way he’s slowly filling out under the attention. Regulus allows it for a few seconds more, a low hum leaving him that has heat pooling low in James’ stomach.

The pressure at James’ throat shifts and Regulus’ fingers sink into his dark hair, grip slowly tightening, palm a solid weight at the nape of his neck. His other hand tucks beneath James’ chin, his head guided into tilting backward between the two. James blinks slow, looks up toward Regulus’ face from beneath his lashes. Breathes deep. Waits.

“What do you need tonight, James?” Regulus asks; his voice is honey, thick and sweet and dripping warmth down every groove of James’ spine.

He keeps James’ chin in the curl of his fingers but stretches his thumb to trace a slow circle around his mouth. He leaves it pressed against James’ bottom lip, James darting his tongue out at it for the briefest taste. One brow arches as Regulus looks down at him.

“Something in your mouth, maybe?”

When all James does his nod, Regulus tugs sharply at the back of his hair —an unspoken demand. James’ mouth drops open, a soft gasp between parted lips.

“Yes,” He whines. “Please.”

“There you go, baby, that’s so good,” Regulus hums.

James’ lips twitch helplessly when Regulus moves to readjust his glasses for him. It’s such a tiny gentleness, a common show of his care for him, no matter how out of place it may seem in a moment like this.

The fond appreciation that unfurls warmth in his chest is derailed in seconds by the shift of Regulus’ foot, nudging between his thighs, pressing. James’ eyelids flutter as he sucks in a shallow breath. His hips twitch forward against the barely-there pressure on his cock, hard and aching in his own briefs.

“Do you think you deserve it?” Regulus asks.

He tugs at James’ hair again to jerk his head back further, presses his foot more firmly between his legs. James is already starting to feel dizzy with it; the waiting, the care, the teasing, all building into a burning buzz that’s much more pleasant than the anxious itch that’s bothered him for days. He rocks against Regulus’ foot with a shaking, needy sound crawling up his throat.

“I need it, baby.”

“But that’s not what I asked this time, is it?” Regulus counters, tone vaguely patronizing.

It shouldn’t make James’ cock twitch the way that it does, really. Shouldn’t make him unable to bank a whimper when he rocks his hips forward again.

“Do you think you deserve it?” Regulus repeats. He inches his foot away, and James whines in protest. “God, listen to you. You really do need it, don’t you?”

James nods urgently, breath hitching in his chest. “I do. Please, Regulus.”

It’s a miracle he doesn’t whimper another time when Regulus takes a small step backward, all touch falling away from him. The silver lining is watching him tuck a thumb into either side of the band on his briefs, pulling them down and stepping out of them.

Wanting eyes immediately land on Regulus’ cock the second it’s in front of him. Even the huff of Regulus chuckling above him doesn’t draw his focus away. He watches intently as Regulus wraps a hand around himself and strokes slowly.

Blown pupils hide nearly all the grey of Regulus’ irises when James finally glances up at his face again. He shifts up straighter on his knees, mouth falling open already when Regulus steps forward. A smirk tugs at the corners of Regulus’ lips and his free hand sinks into James’ hair.

He pauses in guiding his cock to James’ waiting mouth, slick head nudging his bottom lip. “What do you say?”

“Thank you.” Punches breathlessly out of James in an instant.

Regulus’ smirk inches wider and he gives a single nod. It’s all the go ahead James needs to tilt forward and finally —finally— take him into his mouth. The grip in his hair tightens as James swallows his length down, letting the weight of him settle on his tongue. He hums appreciatively around him, keeping his motions shallow to hit the back of his throat each time.

Despite the tight hold on his hair, Regulus lets James move as desired. His wrists strain against the silk around them when he instinctively wants to reach forward and balance his hands on Regulus’ thighs, but he’ll make do. He always does.

After a little while, Regulus’ other hand joins the first in his hair. He halts James’ continued movements and holds him in place.

James moans the second he starts fucking into his mouth, eyes rolling back. There’s spit collected at the corners of his mouth, sliding down his chin. Each snap of Regulus’ hips has his cock hitting the back of his throat, his moans turning garbled and wet —filthy— while Regulus looses a winded string of swears.

“This— fuck—” Regulus hisses when he thrusts forward again and James swallows, letting him feel the way his throat tightens. “This is exactly what you needed, isn’t that right, baby?”

James hums his answer, eyelids fluttering as he opens glassy eyes to look up. There’s tears building at the corners, and on a particularly hard snap of Regulus’ hips one rolls hotly down his cheek. His cheeks burn, that and the panted breaths out his nose fogging up the bottom of his glasses lenses.

James doesn’t fucking care. He doesn’t care about any of it. Let Regulus make a complete mess of him. Let Regulus use him as he sees fit.

This is all James wanted, what he needed. To release the tension he’s been feeling for days, to give up the vice grip he’s tried to maintain on control of anything at all. To be taken care of in this way; something filling his mouth and Regulus just taking from him.

He knows when Regulus is close; words are no longer manageable and his thighs tremble, thrusts becoming erratic. James expects him to come down his throat, is awaiting the burst of warmth, ready to eagerly swallow all he has to give him. But abruptly, Regulus yanks at his hair with both hands, tugging him off.

James whines brokenly, a thick string of drool connecting the corner of his mouth and Regulus’ cock. His throat is wrecked; it’s a pitiful, pathetic sounding thing when he manages a desperate, “No.”

Panting, Regulus shakes his head back and forth. One hand moves from James’ hair, thumb breaking the string of spit when he smears the slickness surrounding James’ mouth. Making an even bigger mess of him. James licks after it, twists his tongue around it, trying to be enticing, trying to get him back inside.

Regulus drops his hand entirely, grips his cock instead. He stares intently down at him, demands from between his teeth, “Keep your tongue out for me.”

Wanting to be good and knowing what’s next, James obliges. Regulus drags his hand in hurried tugs over his cock and he watches hungrily. Anticipation burns a fire in James’ veins, sends his pulse roaring in his ears, as he waits, spit pooling in his open mouth, dripping more down his chin.

It’s a minute more before Regulus cries out, head thrown back and hips lurching forward as he comes. Hot strips of white land on James’ top lip, his tongue, his glasses. Cum drips down the one lens to land on his cheek and James can’t hold back a whimper, mouth still open. He hasn’t been told to close it yet.

“Fucking Christ,” Regulus groans, hand slowing over himself as he comes down from his orgasm.

His chest is as flushed as his face, heaving with uneven breaths, and he’s fucking gorgeous like this. Wrung out and a little wobbly on his legs, shiny-eyed and out of breath. James feels just as high as Regulus looks. Even with his cock still painfully hard and leaking in his briefs, his knees throbbing when he shifts his weight for the first time in too long.

Regulus finally lets go of his length, gripping James’ slick chin instead. He swipes his thumb through the cum on James’ lip, his cheek. Collects what he can from his face, and dips a little into James’ waiting mouth to wipe it off onto his tongue a few times. Gathering as much as he can for him.

Finally, Regulus tells him, “Swallow, baby.”

James does without hesitation, moaning at the familiar taste down his throat. There’s still cum on his glasses, blurrily obscuring his view of Regulus on the one side when he blinks heavy lidded eyes up at him.

“You did so good, James.” The praise has James’ lips curling in a lopsided smile, dazed in the best way. He hums his thanks, throat too sore for immediate words, but Regulus doesn’t demand that of him this time. “Do you feel better?”

It’s a mockery of a bobble head on a dashboard when James nods hurriedly in answer. His head’s a little fuzzy still, breath slowly returning to normal for himself. A different high entirely for his comedown.

“Come on.” Regulus bends down to help James to his feet then reaches behind him to undo the tie from his wrists. “We should clean you up, you’re a mess.”

“Good,” James replies, voice rough, lazy grin widening.

Regulus rolls his eyes, but there’s no denying the affection in his gaze. He rubs at James’ wrists when his hands are brought between them and James hums quietly.

“I’ll take care of you in the shower, okay?” He murmurs, eyes darting downward.

“Y’already did, baby,” James points out.

Regulus lifts a brow. “Sorry, did you not also feel like coming tonight?”

James clears his throat in order to more clearly joke, “I think if you so much as breathed on my cock right now it’d probably be over for me.”

Shaking his head, Regulus snorts, muttering a fond ‘idiot’ beneath his breath. He leans in to press a kiss to James’ cheek, recoiling when James turns his head and nuzzles into the side of his neck, smearing leftover drool on his skin.

“Go. Bathroom, now.” Regulus points to the open bedroom door, but the control in his voice is gone; it’s half a laugh —blushing and breathless and beautiful.

James smiles adoringly at him, gives him a mock salute, and follows his instruction just the same.

#jegulus #starchaser #sunseeker #jegulus fanfiction #drops this in the dead of night and runs #-jazz hands-#had a brain itch for a “silly little smut moment” and here we are. 2K words later #s/o to nic and us talking about being deeply unserious while writing smut #i wrote this entirely on my phone while wrapped in a blanket burrito so…#have fun! (james certainly did lmfao)#kay’s writing #kay’s microfics #<-simply just not a microfic anymore but oh well #nic tag<3

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bidisasterevankinard · 3 months

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Buck breakdown meta(+ a little bit of divorce 2.0 era)

“Did you know you were clinically dead for three minutes?” - “Bobby” from Buck’s coma dream or Buck’s part of the brain that always helps him to find the answers (6x11)

“Buck, you died” - Maddie(6x12), Bobby (6x14)

“You died, Buck” Eddie (6x12)

Before I started this meta I remembered these three (well, technically four but how you can see Maddie and Bobby said the same thing) times someone said in real words what happened with Buck, what exactly he experienced in his life, how he lost it. Because it wasn’t just “an accident on the job”(Buck 6x14), not even a near death experience Buck had in his life before(and not once), because Buck is indeed a good “friend” and “old acquaintance”(Buck 6x15) with death since he was born (as a donor to dying child) and not just “for a moment” how he believes. But I haven’t remembered Buck himself (not a coma Bobby), especially after he woke up and “started his healing” (the lyrics of the song right before we see Buck after hospital in 6x11) saying it. And I really thought aha, you sneaky boy, you haven’t really recovered as you never even said “I died”. But he actually said it once, but, to whom do you think he said it?

To his sister who raised him as a parent and said “Buck, you died”? No.

To his father figure who he knows was praying to God sitting in his room, thinking his another child is dying and he can’t AGAIN do something? To the man who was cradling him like a baby to put him on a gurney and wanted to take it easy on him in 6x14 because “Buck, you died”? No.

To his best friend, to whom he ran to hide from his sister’s fussing? To the man on whose couch he fell asleep seconds after sitting on it? To the man who tried hard to support him, how Buck supported him during his breakdown? No.

He said it to the woman he never met before (btw Natalia is cute and it’s not her bashing post. so DO NOT DO IT IN TAGS PLEASE), just a matter of factly, when helped her with her injury because he heard that she is “death doula”(but before it, he tries to say it in the other words)

But even to her he says it ONLY THIS ONE MOMENT. When they met again he spoke about his death experience in the pattern we saw before.

And this pattern is : “When i woke up,” “I woke up in a world” “I recovered” “accident on the job”, joking with Maddie, “it’s all a gift” or with Eddie not even himself in 6x12 talking about HIS death experience. With Eddie he asks about shooting, but Eddie makes it a conversation about “You died, Buck”.

Buck doesn’t like when people talk about death, showing him their grief, so he tries to talk about his new life. He jokes, or moves the conversation to the point of talking about his new life, new possibilities for him, about how he processes he is still here, but NOT HOW HE DIED. Buck refuses to process that he died. Yeah, it happened, he knows everyone grieved him, but he refuses to talk about how it changed him and others. He just wants to accept changes not to “act” like an “old same Buck”(Buck 6x15) for everyone, but to be a new Buck. And who is perfect to make him think about not his death, but about how many new experiences he can have, if not the person who is amazed by his death, who thinks it is “cool” he had the opportunity to experience it and get back, if not the person who never grieved him? Natalia wasn’t around to see him dead, she wasn’t the one who saved him. And Buck knows his family had to see him like that and act to save him, but he can’t think about it. He concentrates on good things, on being alive, on moving forward, to see “what’s next” for him. And he refuses to look and speak about what happened before it, to really move from it.

But I think we all remember how Maddie said that Buck is more than good at pretending that he is ok(4x4). Remember how in therapy he said “You said, I hide my true feelings from others. You might be right”, but then what happened? Oh yeah “new Buck 3.0” and him forgiving his parents for going to therapy with him. Because he hides it not just from others, but from himself too. Acting as Buck 1.0, 2.0, etc. Buck knows how to repress his feelings and move on to a new stage. How to act as a new Buck, not just for everyone, but for himself too. How to believe he is ok.

And he for years was mistaken or even hiding a lot of his feelings, so it’s not hard for him to play like he moved on. And on the way to make everyone, except one person who till the last moment (cemetery seen) tried to make Buck talk about his death. Who was the last person to say it to Buck, who used death, and died, in one conversation right to the point till Buck with his words “She sees me. like she really sees me for who I am and what I’ve been through. I think she might even see more in me than I see in myself” almost stopped him. He stops for a moment. Tries to play with Buck on his rules, tries to wait for Buck again how he did in 6x12, but tries one more time to make Buck talk about death.

“You cheated death”

But Buck speaks about life. About lightning. About his new life being a gift.

“My life could have ended right then and there,but it didn’t. That has to mean something, right?” (Buck looks at Eddie because even closing himself he still need Eddie)

“It means you are one lucky guy”(Eddie does’t not look at him)

“Yeah, well, I don't think I’m gonna get that lucky again.”

“We, maybe you don’t have to. Lightning doesn’t strike twice at the same place.”

“Which is why I have to make the most of every single moment. Because from here right now out it's all a gift”

And after that, Eddie, who thought he could give Buck the same “shoulder to cry on” and “sit with you” while you experience bad moments, stopped doing it. He looked at Buck and saw the man he saw, the man he thinks doesn’t need his help. Because Buck doesn’t look affected as Eddie expected him to be. Buck overplayed Eddie with his tires to prove he is ok. Eddie believed him. But also he heard that he is not that Buck needs to feel ok. He needs not that Eddie expected he would need (talks about his death and Eddie’s help), but someone else living with Buck his life and Eddie understood that Buck doesn’t need him at all.Not in the way he needed the man a year ago, crushing his room. And the feeling of loneliness he started to experience while he gave Buck time to come to him, before Buck pushed him away when he wasn't ready in the cemetery, just became all consuming. Because now Eddie believes Buck never needed him, how Eddie needs him. But the thing is, Buck needs him. He just pushed Eddie from him, because he feels that it’s dangerous to look at his death, because he doesn't want to be a burden, because he doesn't want to run in a circle of “someone loves me when I’m in pain” he did all his childhood. He doesn't want to experience love when he is broken, so he closes his death deep inside him, in a box. But we know how boxes explode if it’s too many things inside.

And let’s think that Buck has in his box: childhood of neglect, truck bombing, tsunami and embolism, well and shooting, ambulance hostage situation, Bobby shot, Maddie almost killed by Doug, the secret about Daniel being revealed, and then his real death. All it packed neat inside him, never spoken about. And after shooting we never heard him talking about therapy again. So Buck acts as a “new Buck” ALL THE TIME. Buck 1.0, 2.0, 3.0 it’s a proof. And he is just ready to be another “new Buck”, but others don't, because to see the new Buck they should fully grieve the old Buck. But Buck doesn’t want them to grief, he wants to joke and move on and that’s why he is feeling like he should stay “same old Buck”, act the same, but IT’S A PROBLEM. Because old Buck can’t help to mask the pain and fear from the death he experienced. Old Buck never looked at his life as a “gift”. This old Buck can’t help Buck to hide under this mask of everything being fine. And let’s nor forget how old Buck tried hard to find HAPPINESS. OLD BUCK WASN’T HAPPY. But the new Buck should be. He is still alive. His life has ended yet. But has he found his answer for happiness after death when Lev did it? No.

Buck's answer for happiness wasn’t shown, which means he tries to be happy, but he still doesn’t know HOW. And on the way he pushed his best friend from him, starting their as we call it in a fandom “divorce era 2.0”. Because it is what Buck does when he feels trapped (lawsuit waves at us). When Buck thinks he needs other things, not that others try him to do, speak about, heal properly before move on, not just “rush with his head first”, he pushes everyone from himself (yes yes boy with abandonment issue does it, but it is easier this way). In the lawsuit it was easier to blame Bobby, right now he ofc doesn’t blame Eddie, but he also doesn’t want Eddie to constantly talk about his death. So he pushed Eddie from himself.

So Buck can’t hide behind old, and new Buck is not something his family is ready to see, and it’s still an act. Buck is on the edge of breaking, and I’m sure in 7s it will happen. After Bobby's near death or maybe something else, but it will break him.

Now Eddie. Eddie, who already felt kind of alone, started his journey of trying to find someone who makes him feel not alone anymore. Who will make him feel enough. Because for Shannon, for Buck he wasn’t(at least it’s how he sees it).

That’s how he sees the cemetery. Buck pushes because Eddie is too much for him at this moment, because he isn't ready (something something “you need to move on. I did.” Eddie himself pushed Buck from himself when he wasn’t ready, but he thought if he would make Buck talk NOW Buck wouldn't break like him.) Buck wasn’t ready to be supported by Eddie, because he never was supported like that (Eddie wasn’t in a place to really support him after the fire truck. don't even start. Eddie was deep into his grief and “suck it up and move on” era to really support Buck on this deep mental level). But Eddie was finally in the place to give this support, and he felt like it’s not enough. So he dates, he meets Marisol. He opens himself to the world and new opportunities. Maybe even starting something serious in season 7, when Buck goes deeper and deeper in his own grief and pain of losing the life he had, of losing the part of himself, of not knowing who he is right now, how he should act.

Now we add Bobby’s and Athena’s water related near death experience and … BOOM. Buck is broken, a crying mess. Because he feels grief and fear of losing people he loves so hard, and he can’t imagine who they felt, and he can’t even say what the fuck is the answer to happiness. He doesn’t remember his death, but he remembers his coma, he remembers how he woke up, he remembers old him, but who is new Buck? To this we also add that he feels that his best friend pushed him away, not understanding he did it first(because he did it subconsciously trying to hide from his feelings).

Buck will break in season 7, because it's long overdue. He has so many things he never “allowed to feel it” before moving on. They can’t just stay forever inside him. “At some point that box is going to blow open. And take everyone around you”. Eddie was ready to support Buck and eventually in season 7 Buck would need it and Eddie would see that Buck needs him, he never allows himself to ask, to see what and who he needs. Buck always tries to look at himself through other people's eyes, still tries with Natalia. Maybe look at himself thought Eddie’s feel help him to see something new

Why I also see the possible divorce era 2.0 it’s because we started and continued 6s with domestic Buckley-Diaz scenes but scenes 6x13 Buck wasn't even talking about Chris. So I see it as a possible proof of divorce era, but after new stills I’m not so sure anymore

#yes it's 2k words. i'm not sorry #i could say more #buck will break in season 7 #911 loves parallels so I used moments not related to the Buck as talk about him relation to his arc too #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #911 #911 abc #911 meta #911 season 7 #my 911 thoughts #oliver stark #911 on abc #911 speculation

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