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tikkunolamresistance · 2 months

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Anti-Zionism & Purim:

Purim is a wonderfully joyous, often colourful and very tasty, Jewish holiday celebrated every year on the 14th of the Hebrew month of Adar (which corresponds to late winter/early spring). A holiday where drinking is a mitzvah, some dress up as characters from the Book of Esther, we gift good food and most definitely argue about which hamantaschen filling is best. Purim is about Jewish joy, resistance and outliving those who wish for our destruction.

Purim starts the evening of Saturday 23rd March, and ends at sundown the following day, Sunday 24th.

What’s the Purim story?

It is a story of salvation, of Jewish survival and being against all odds. The story of Purim comes from the salvation of the Jewish from Haman’s plot “to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews, young and old, infants and women, in a single day”. Haman, or Haman the Agagite, was a royal vizier in the court of the Persian empire, to King Ahasuerus/Xerxes I (465 BCE) who was agrivated by Moredcai, of the tribe Benjamin, and his refusal to bow down to his demands— thus Haman seeked revenge on his rejection and convinces the King to issue a decree to kill all Jews in the Persian empire. However the genocidal plot would soon be thearted by Hadassah, or as we know her, Queen Esther.

Queen Esther was an incredible Jewish woman whom the King Ahasuerus (transliteration of Xerxes) had fallen in love with. The Queen revealed her Jewish identity and pleaded with the King to spare her people, to which then, the King was appalled by Haman’s treachery— ordering his execution and granting Jews permission to defeat their enemies.

This story is apart of the Five Melligot (Melligah meaning “scroll” in Hebrew), the Book of Esther.

How is Purim celebrated?

Celebrating Purim depends on minhagim (customs) amongst Jewish cultural and ethnic communities: Ashkenazim may celebrate differently from Sefardim, who celebrate different from Middle Eastern, North African, South Asian and Ethiopian Jewry!

However, these are some universal rituals:

• Listen to the Purim story, the Book of Esther, typically at a Synagogue.

• Eating good for Seudah, a meal had during the day of Purim. Including foods such as pomegranate and wine brisket, hamantaschen, boyosa, challah with various toppings, rugelach, onion and poppy seed rings, hojuelas, kreplach, pickled vegetables and so much more.

• Mishloach Manot, gifting food to friends and/or family.

• Tzedakah, charity, and Metanot L’evyonim, supporting those in need.

• Haka’at Haman: during Megillah reading, there is a custom to make noise at the reading of Haman’s name. From stomping your feet to booing, this minhag is associated with Jewry of France and Provence, though has roots in Talmudic sources. You can read more here.

• Drinking lots of wine!

If you have any specific cultural Purim traditions, leave a comment! Traditions vary from family, to minhag, to cultures!

So, what do we learn from the story of Queen Esther?

Where our Rabbis may dress as Queen Esther, and we get drunk because it’s might be your favourite mitzvah, where we stick to tradition and try a new hamantaschen filling, and hearing the megillah like it’s the first time, all over again. Purim is where we introspect through our celebration; the very expression of joy, against all odds, is where we seek our growth. We exercise our liberty, our bravery and boldness— like Esther, we do not hide our Jewishness, instead we decorate ourselves. We do not stand in the face of adversity and let it through, we crush it and celebrate our resilience. Purim is a reminder of pride, of resistance and using your voice for those who may have theirs silenced. Like Queen Esther, we must not allow genocide and violence, and certainly not in our name as a people who have faught against it through out history. In honour of Purim, we must use what power we have to call for Tikkun Olam— a better future, for all.

Purim is where live to see ourselves dance and sing, the complete expression of G!d— HaShem, the Divine, the Universe, our collective human spirit— we live to build a future of many more Purims, many more celebrations of collective resistance. We dance and sing, and dress up, and drink, as is written, so that there is no world without this freedom.

Families often get creative in teaching their children, and communities, the importance of Purim, by making decorative masks to communicate the importance of identity, or dressing up in fun costumes inspired by strong characters, wether from the Purim story or just fictional worlds. Art is an incredible and important way to communicate, so if you want to get creative and make your own mask, costume or simply create artwork inspired by the story of Purim— tapping into your creative liberty is a wonderful ritual to add to your own traditions.

You can also show your gratitude to people, such as friends, family, service workers, activists, with gifts and letters to celebrate them and their bravery, their selflessness. Do you have anybody you’re greatful for, who’s inspired you to be more selfless, to give back?

What can I reflect on for Purim?

Think about how you show your Jewish pride, how you express your Jewish joy. Do you want to be more loud, more unapologetic, more open? How can you show up for others in need, who are in need for their voices to be uplifted? How can you do your part in building a future that celebrates total liberation from what tries to destroy us? Purim is about celebration, about joy, so as you join in on the festivities however you celebrate, remember that this full expression of your Jewish self is an act of resistance against a history of Jew hatred, a history of antisemitism, and that our existence will outlive the powers that pretend to be on our side.

How can I incorporate Palestine into my Purim celebrations?

Following traditions of donating and tzedekah, you can donate funds to GoFundMes of Palestinian families seeking refuge outside of Gaza, to ensure these families can make it to safety and eat well. We’ll be reposting and sharing GoFundMes and other calls for aid all day on Purim, if you’re looking to do some tzedekah.

As millions of Palestinians in Gaza are imminently facing starvation, you could aim to organise protests and rallies with your communities to demand action to be taken for immediate food distribution into Gaza. Be vocal on Purim, we’ll try to update you with any anti-Zionist events that may be happening across the world.

If you live near a Mosque/Masjid or Islamic community centre, you coulf drop off some Halal-safe food packages for Ramadan celebrations; sweets, pre-packaged/cooked foods and pastries. Your local Islamic food stores can definitely offer more guidance, and be sure to look out for the Halal logo! But, importantly, it’s always good to contact the Mosque or Community centre beforehand to see what donations they’re accepting!

If you’re visiting Shul, now more than ever is your time to challenge the narrative. Why must we turn away blind eye to a genocide whilst we celebrate our survival? Why must we allow the pain we have felt, pass to another, in the name of our survival? If you feel it is safe to do so, it is so irrevocably important to challenge the Zionist narratives that use our history, our holidays, our peoplehood to inflict harm that we once felt. As Queen Esther did, we must speak, and we must not be afraid to do so.

Further Purim readings:

The History of Purim

Laws and Customs of Purim

History of Purim costumes

We’re wishing everyone a happy, safe, healthy and beautiful Purim— please share with us how you’ll be celebrating this year, and keep an eye out for tzedekah posts to donate to Palestinians in need!

#purim #anti zionist jews #anti zionist purim #purim 2024 #purim ideas #purim celebrations #what is purim #free palestine #purim for anti zionist jews #jewish holidays #info: purim

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prettygirlmjmjmj · 7 months

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Understanding your cycle and the four phases

The female body has four cycle and at each cycle what your body needs will be very different. I'm going to talk about four factors you might want to consider for each phase; what kind of exercise/movement you should try to do, what foods to eat more of or avoid, what your energy levels may be like and self care for that phase. I hope this helps you understand a bit more about what is going on in each phase ands what you can do to help your hormones and body!

Menstruation (Day 1 - 6)

This phase is the easiest to spot as you physically get your period. Your uterus is shedding its lining and your cervix position is low and will feel hard.

what kind of exercise/movement is best to do? This is a good period for rest days and slow movement. Outdoor walks, stretching, slower-paced yoga and bodyweight strength exercises will help you get some movement/exercise in without causing more pain or discomfort for you.

what foods should you try to eat more of or avoid? Try to avoid fatty and salty foods. Vegetables, fruits and herbs like kale, beets, mushrooms, collard and hearty greens, sweet potatoes, root vegetables, dark coloured berries (cranberries, blueberries, blackberries), concord grapes, watermelon, red raspberry leaf, nettle and turmeric will help your body in this phase. Grains, nuts and seeds like buckwheat, wild rice, pumpkin seeds, flax, chestnuts, and peanuts are good to eat more of in this phase. Proteins like kidney beans, adzuki beans, duck, pork, shellfish, sardines, red meat and liver should also be included in more meals. Some examples of meals to have would be stews, warm soups and stir-fries.

what are your energy levels like? your energy is normally fairly low at this point, so try to prioritise sleep and rest. Try and make sure your schedule is fairly light at this point, lots of targets and deadlines may be somewhat overwhelming or stressful.

what kind of self care should you do and not do? Try to avoid exfoliating and waxing, your skin may be dehydrated and sensitive. Focus on getting more moisture and hydration, avoid harsh products. Try hydrating masks and focus on reducing inflammation. Try putting together a period package, journaling and reading more. Get plenty of sleep during this phase.

Follicular (Day 6 - 14)

This phase is when oestrogen and testosterone levels start to rise. The pituitary gland releases FSH and your energy, mood and libido rise!

what kind of exercise/movement is best to do? Now is a great time for more high-energy movement and exercise! Try activities like , hiking, running, swimming and Pilates as you have much more energy and will likely be prepared to exercise for longer.

what foods should you try to eat more of or avoid? Try and eat more veggies, fruits and herbs such as artichoke, broccoli, sprouts, carrots, lettuces, green peas, string beans, zucchini, rhubarb, parsley, avocado, citruses, pomegranate, plums, cherries, nettle and basil. Grains and seeds such as oats, barley, rye, wheat, pumpkin, flax, Brazil nuts and cashes will help during this phase. Protein-wise try to eat more lentils, split peas, black eyed peas, poultry, trout and shellfish. Meals that may be good during this period are oatmeal/overnight oats, tahini bowls, blueberry banana muffins and avocado salad.

what are your energy levels like? Your energy levels have risen so your brains ability to problem solve and plan. Creativity will be sparking during this period! Now is a great time to start new projects, brainstorm, dream big, plan for the week and do the things you love.

what kind of self care should you do and not do? Your skin has improved hydration, hyaluronic acid production. Now is a good time to try out new products as your skin will be at it's best and use gentle exfoliants to keep your pores clean. Focus on nourishment and treatment for your skin. Now is a good time to exfoliate your skin and use products to really emphasise your skins glow.

Ovulatory (Day 15 - 17)

This is the phase when your fertility is highest and your oestrogen levels are dropping of while your testosterone rises. You'll have a lot more energy and often a high libido.

what kind of exercise/movement is best to do? Try high-energy, high-intensity workouts like weightlifting, cardio such as spin or HIIT and longer hikes with more effort involved.

what foods should you try to eat more of or avoid? Try to eat more vegetables, fruits and herbs such as Brussel sprouts, red bell pepper, aubergine, spinach, tomato, chard, asparagus, scallions, chives, coconut, fig, strawberry, raspberry, apricot, persimmons, guava, dandelion root, burdock root and turmeric. Grains and seeds such as quinoa, pumpkin, flax, pistachio, pecan and almond will help during this phase. Try to eat more proteins such as lentils, salmon, eggs, tuna, shrimp and lamb. Meals that may be good are a fresh fruit or pasta salad, smoothies and broth-based soups.

what are your energy levels like? energy is typically very high at this point so now is a good time to socialise and get high-energy projects done! Be open to new experiences and things, make the most out of this high-energy period.

what kind of self care should you do or not do? Your skin will get oily in the next phase so find some way of deep cleansing (getting a facial etc) and try to keep pores nice and clean with toners and serums. Focus on hydration, nourishment and restorative products for your skin. Your cell turnover is at it's best, so exfoliation should be minimal and gentle during this period. Take long baths or showers and take the time to care for yourself.

Luteal phase (Day 18 - 28)

During this phase you get a surge of progesterone, but if your body confirms you aren't pregnant than then all hormones begin to decrease. Mood changes are fairly common during this period.

what kind of exercise/movement is best to do? as your energy drops so should the intensity and impact, so return back to slower and steadier workouts such as walking or hiking, yoga (you could try a slightly more challenging yoga workout), light Pilates that aren't too fast paced and stretching to help with pain or aches.

what foods should you try to eat more of or avoid? Try to eat more vegetables, fruits and herbs such as cabbage, cauliflower, celery, cucumber, collard and mustard greens, onion, parsnip, pumpkin, radish, squash, potato, sweet potato, apple, dates, peaches, pear, burdock root, dandelion root, red raspberry leaf and ginger. Some examples of grains and seeds that may help are brown rice, millet, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, pine nuts and walnuts. Proteins to eat are chickpeas, turkeys, salmon, cod, halibut and beef.

what are your energy levels like? energy levels may be low/lower than previous cycles, so take the time to engage in creative and relaxing activities such as reading or painting to help with stress relief and to distract yourself.

what kind of self care should you do or not do? try to use gentle skincare products like foaming cleansers or clay masks. Spot treatments may be necessary during this period especially. Focus on skincare as breakouts are very common during this period and avoid trying out new products or any super strong products that may worsen your skin. Make sure to take care of yourself during this period and take things nice and slowly.

Remember this is in no way a one size fits all, the amount the phases last for will greatly vary as will how you feel, but these are a guide on how you may be able to help understand your cycle. All my love mj.

#glow up era #that girl #glow up #self care #self development #glow up journey #self love #it girl #girl blogger #girlblogging #big sister advice #cycle syncing #coqeutte #that girl lifestyle #that girl energy #pink pilates princess #pink pilates girl #becoming that girl

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khaire-traveler · 2 months

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💀 Subtle Haides Worship 🐕‍🦺

If you have a dog (or any pet), play with them

Volunteer at an animal shelter

Donate dog supplies to animal shelters and places who help families in need

Feed neighborhood dogs, cats, or birds

Start a coin collection with the intention of souls who need payment at the Underworld's gates can use those coins

Keep a picture of him in your wallet

Have a candle that reminds you of him (no altars needed)

Wear jewelry that reminds you of him

Have a stuffed animal owl, dog, or black ram

Have imagery of a bident, Cerberus, or ancient Greek helmets around

Drink coffee or a soothing tea to start your day

Honor your ancestors/souls that have passed; learn about your family history

Hold onto any family heirlooms; keep items from people who have passed in your life

Eat pomegranate seeds; drink pomegranate juice

Support suicide prevention or funeral funding organizations

Visit cemeteries; if allowed (get permission first please), leave flowers at graves; visit loved ones' or family members' graves

Collect animal bones (please thank the animal's spirit after doing so; I just think it's respectful to do so)

Learn about death; acquaint yourself with the idea of death; figure out what you believe happens after death

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally

Work on learning to let go of the past; forgive yourself for past mistakes, and release past regrets

Start a garden or tend to plants

Save your money, if able; work on spending it wisely

Practice patience, understanding, and gratitude

Be a good host to all who enter your space; Haides is the ultimate host, the Ruler of All

Take a walk during a new moon (if it is safe to do so in your area)

Bury a time capsule

Honor old family traditions; dig into your heritage and find pride in it

Learn to find simple joys in life; make a list of things that bring you joy in your day to day

Meditate in nature; ground yourself often; practice mindfulness

Visit/explore caves (please do so safely!!!)

Visit ancient ruins, ghost towns, and any place where people used to be but are no longer

Hope this helps someone! I may add more later on. For now, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Haides. Take care, everyone! 🩵

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

#hades deity #hades worship #haides #helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #paganblr #deity worship #pagan tips

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onlycrumbss · 8 months

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I wanna post some health and appearance tips because I seen someone else on my tumblr do it.

These are actually mind blowing tips that I’ve tried and tested, actually have science behind them, and make the overall process much easier, i may not have alot of followed and it’s pretty long but please read because these are actually some revolutionary tips like the type of tips that people gatekeep. But that’s not me

Some of these products might be expensive/out if the way I’m sorry, I’m 19 and live alone have been working full time since I was young. I don’t have tips for hiding anything though since I live alone and when I was at home my family never really cared anyways these are mainly tips on how to upkeep your looks while restricting so that way you can look healthy while getting skinny, but I do have some prouducts that will raise less suspicion for anyone who lives at home still.

✨ Tried and tested ✨

Hair~

Hair breaks when you’ve been restricting for a long time but these products have really helped and now I don’t have split ends. Their fine hair friendly as well, just remember shampoo your roots and only condition and oil your ends

Olaplex conditioner and the Olaplex hair oil

shea moisture Manuka honey and manfura oil intensive conditioner

Amika soulfood deep conditioner

Any shampoo with rosemary (makes your hair thicker and has been proven to be as effective as rogaine)

Tessa peays (you can find her on tiktok and YouTube) hair oil recipe and hair oil routine

Body care~

Skin gets really dry sooo

Olay body washes (literally any kind will work their so hydrating, they have a niacinimide one which works to brighten up your skin)

Any lotion with Vaseline in it (Vaseline will lock all moisture in and is the most effective humectant on the market. I don’t recommend using straight Vaseline Vaseline though because that will get all stick, just use a Vaseline brand lotion)

Body scrub once a week

Skincare~

Moisturizer. When your restricting you need to invest in a moisturizer, keep your skin hydrated

Sheet masks 1x a week. I like to use ones that are specifically food themed cuz in my head it’s giving my skin the nutrients I don’t wanna give to myself

My favorite kinds are: the tony Molly “I am-“ ones. Mediheal placenta sheet mask (my skin litterally glows after the placenta one) innisfree honey sleeping mask

I don’t recommend doing diy skincare but the only thing I will ever recommend along the lines of diy skincare is a honey and avacado face mask, makes my skin so hydrated and plump

Foods~

(Some of these might be a fear food for alot and can be a little calorie dense but they help with your appearance)

Berries: especially blueberries and strawberries (have highest antioxidants, which help your apperance)

Cherry and pomegranate juice (antioxidant thing I mentioned above)

Avacados and chia seeds (kinda high in calories I know! But they have lots of omegas and healthy fats and chia seeds are full of omegas and proteins, these will keep your skin dewy and keep your hair nice, chia seeds will also keep you feeling fuller for longer and are a natural laxative)

Eggs: protien+good for your hair

Health in general+ weight~

Quit nicotine. I know that nicotine is like a staple in our community and I myself and on my journey of trying to quitting smoking but after years it catches up to you, and it causes acne. If your not eating your body isn’t going to put that nutrients to upkeeping your face, I already have faint smokers lines around my lips. plus it makes working out easier

(If ur a girl/have female parts) you need to get a probiotic in and get regularly tested for bv and ye⭐️ast infections. You will be prone to bv and yeast “imbalances” while starving and they can cause a lot of problems from stomach bloating to lack of desire and pain and a lot of times are asymptomatic. This happened to me and caused alot of mental anguish because the pain made me question my gender identity and the bloating made the mental aspect of my e d worse and I didn’t even have any symptoms

Don’t use miralax, it’s really bad for you. Drink senna tea, it’s less suspicious and actually works faster and better than laxatives. Plus it doesn’t destroy your organs like miralax

Don’t use trendy diet pills. If your going to take anything get “Garcinia Cambodia” supplement and take it with an apple cider vinegar supplement. Get the acv pills instead of drinking actual acv becsuse it’s better on your teeth (have to be taken together, a study was done on this combination plus it’s been really helping me)

Fast instead of ⭐️ve: I’m not going to get too deep into the science of it all because I’m bad with my words and explaining but basically when your restricting I t’s actually more harmful to your metabolism, makes you crave more food and makes your hungrier making everything harder because that’s what actually puts your body into starvation mode is a constant input of extremely few calories. When your fasting your body goes into “modes” that are actually benifical to your body,metabolism, cravings and feelings of hunger. When you focus more on not eating anything for a long period of time (fasting) vs “I can only have x calories today so I’m gonna eat x and x and x” -(restricting), you’ll find it makes you not only loose weight faster but also make it feel easier

Which is why I see a lot of ppl on here say things like “I can fast so easily but restricting is so hard” well that’s because there’s literally a science to it. And a little secret, after you do general fasting a few days (not for days straight but more so one meal a day like 24 hour fasts and 16+odd hour fasts) it gets easy. It is litterallt so much easier than plain restricting

Take collegen supplements if it’s something your not afraid of because their very good for supple skin and also for hair as well recent studies and random experiments I’ve seen on YouTube have shown

Take biotin~ for your hair

Drink “sparkling ice” drinks. They 5 Cals and have vitamin B’s which are good for your metabolism

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I will be adding anytning I might’ve forgotten becayse I kinda rushed this because I rlly wanted to share all of these with everyone in the community after I got inspiration from the post I saw earlier. Feel free to comment or dm me any questions about the products and the sciences

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abiiors · 2 months

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persephone - matty x reader ˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧💌˚.⋆🌿

a/n: this is kinda loosely based on the myth of persephone and also this is just one interpretation of it, obv several exists in the media :) and like matty's barely hades lmao, this is mostly just the connection of persephone, demeter and spring ♡ cw: this contains themes of parental neglect, dysfunctional families, emotional abuse/neglect and alcoholism, and they're very much PRESENT and DETAILED. this isn't angst but it's def bittersweet (emphasis on the bitter whoops) wc: 5.1k

the first word she learns is “mama”.

she has a faint memory of this—a woman with shining brown hair, smiling and cheering at her. everything is blurred around the edges and filtered in through a haze. everything has a foggy white quality to it but the woman’s eyes are crystal clear and looking at her, focused solely on her. she has a memory of others laughing and clapping along, encouraging her to say the word again and again.

mama.

the brown haired woman looks tired—she’s young and, looking back, barely even an adult. but the woman smiles at her and coos along. “mama,” the woman says in an exaggerated baby voice and points to herself.

“mama,” she babbles again at the woman she now recognises as her mother. the woman gives her a bland smile, playing with her almost absently. the woman even lets her grab onto her fingers and bite on them—not that it counts much as biting, she barely has teeth at this point.

the next memory she has is of an older man with a freckled happy face and salt-n-pepper hair. he throws her up in the air and catches her until she’s giggling and breathless and light as air. he's often at their dining table, peeling pomegranates.

mama says she can't eat them yet—they're of course a choking hazard for a baby her age. but the old man peals it for mama, because mama looks happy when she sits next to him and pops the seeds into her mouth, sighing at the sweetness.

“these are delicious, daddy,” mama says to him and he smiles at mama with all the tenderness in the world.

when mama needs a break from her, he takes her to the nearby pond, and lets her touch leaves and rocks. he points at the tiny things in the water and says a word she barely recognises.

fishies.

he clicks his tongue and waits for her to imitate the word, but she only claps her hands and says “mama” again.

the man laughs. “let’s get you home to mama then.”

the younger woman gets mad at him when they get home though. mama grabs all the treasure—their entire day’s hard work—and puts it away somewhere where she can never reach it again.

the man grumbles about it too but she’s far too young yet to understand words and tone, much less full blown fights. all she knows is a distinct sharp feeling of fear when mama snatches her away from the old man’s hands and puts her away in a room alone.

there are white bars around her that she can’t climb, even though she cries and cries and screams for mama. even when a pungent smell fills the room and she feels uncomfortable wetness in her onesie.

but mama doesn’t come. and the old man’s voice can’t reach her anymore. there’s only the sound of her cries and an eerie music box lullaby that plays on repeat as if it would ever be enough to pacify her.

mama doesn’t come for hours.

years later, she’d know why mama can’t be bothered.

the last time she calls her mother “mama” is when she’s seven years old.

it’s rained all night and the backyard is wet and muddy. mama grimaces the moment she looks out the window but for a seven year old girl, it’s the most fun thing to ever exist. mama makes a sound of disgust when she runs outside, whooping with joy and slipping and sliding in the mud.

all she wishes for is a companion now—a sibling or a dog or a cat, she’s not picky. a friend works too, but she’s not entirely sure where someone gets those.

“if you get mud on my carpets, i swear!” mama shakes her fist from the back door but she can’t care less.

she’s drenched in mud and having way more fun than she’s had in days. so much so that she doesn’t even realise when mama shakes her head and goes back inside.

the winter chill is almost gone, there’s even a few little saplings sprouting from the ground and she can’t wait for the whole backyard to be filled with weird little weeds and wallflowers. she can’t wait until it’s warm enough to sit outside in the afternoons and make her little witchy potions from mud and weeds and flowers and see if any butterflies would be curious enough to land near her. (or maybe even on her like they do in the movies she’s seen!)

she forgets the movies for a moment, though. today is the best day a girl could have.

her grampy—her grandpa—is supposed to visit too, and she knows he’s going to bring treats; sweet honey from the hive on their farm or tiny red strawberries that dribble juice down her chin. she knows he’ll sit in their kitchen and peel her a pomegranate (she can eat those now!) and tell her about the new calf on the farm. (she’s asked this story twice now but it only gets better each time) it’s all so exciting that she even forgets about her aversion to the kitchen for a bit, forgets how a pit opens in her stomach every time she has to be in the kitchen with mama.

she can’t wait for the after, but right now she runs through her backyard again, whooping and cheering and smiling.

she’s slipping and slipping, just like before. the fence comes closer, her little mind tries to calculate the distance, her feet try to slow down but the mud’s grown too slippery and she just can’t stop, can’t put her arms up in time.

her jaw collides with the fence with a sickening crunch. pain flares in her mouth along with the sharp coppery taste of blood. it almost makes her gag and she tries to spit it out. something white falls on the ground, covered in blood—her first tooth, the one that’s been loosening for days.

she stays curled on the ground, covered in mud, sobbing and spitting out more blood until her saliva runs clear, then she somehow shuffles inside, hoping mama would have a magic fix.

mama’s eyes widen the moment she walks in, dried mud crusted around her feet, blood on her chin.

“what the fuck?!” mama yells, the glass in her hand jostles dangerously and the dark liquid inside almost splashes out. mama’s words also have an unnerving, slurred quality to them but she’s too much in pain to care.

“what’s wrong with you?!” mama screeches again and gets up. through tears, she manages to splutter out what happened. she shows mama the tooth, (girls in school have told her about the tooth fairy) but mama only smacks her hand away.

“i told you not to get mud on my carpets. who’s going to clean them huh? not you, you’re useless. you’re all useless.”

more tears fall on her cheeks and she looks at mama, horrified. but mama slams the glass hard enough on the table that a crack goes through it. she’s worried mama’s going to yell at her more, but mama only yanks the mop from the corner and waits for her to move out the way.

she takes the hint, grateful it didn’t get worse. she tries not to get the mud onto anything else but a little gets on the bathroom tiles anyway.

under the hot water, she finally lets her sobs free and scrubs her little body until the skin is all red and raw and stings from the temperature of the water. until each stream of the showerhead feels like a bb bullet.

then she gets on her hands and knees and scrubs the bathroom floor clean, occasionally flicking her tongue over the now-empty spot where the tooth used to be. it tastes vaguely salty, and it still aches but not as much, definitely nothing in comparison to her jaw which is turning a nasty shade of purple. her tooth’s still safe on the counter, though—free of blood and mud now. gleaming white.

at least that’s the saving grace of the day. at least she’ll get a visit from the tooth fairy.

grampy cancels his visit—his knees hurt, mama says—but she tries not to be miffed about it. she’ll make sure to get grampy something nice with the money from the tooth fairy.

that night she gingerly places the tooth on the bed, carefully places the pillow on top so that the tooth is protected from all sides. nice and snug.

then she closes her eyes, dreaming of tiny fluttering wings and shiny pennies. but the tooth fairy never visits at all.

her mum ages rapidly in a decade. by the time she’s seventeen, her mum’s already gone grey—unravelling at the seams, fraying with each passing day. not that anyone’s seen her mum in days. or months even. her mum’s not coherent enough to hang out with people most of the time.

she’s started spending less and less time at home. it helps to have a part time job on top of school—a place that delivers chinese food. a couple guys from her school work there too, not that she really knows a lot of them. except one.

matty.

he’s the one person she’s ever considered a friend.

the one person who’s been worthy of that title.

matty’s all casual smiles and laughs—he flirts shamelessly and kisses people on the cheeks when he gets drunk. he offers her fags and spliffs even though she always denies them. he nicks leftover chinese so they can eat it in his car, giggling and laughing, way prouder of their heist than they should be.

the food tastes better when she’s with him. everything’s better when she’s with him—even the shitty, off-brand beer he keeps buying. with him it tastes like expensive champagne. not that she knows what champagne tastes like to begin with, but she imagines the bubbles settling on her tongue feel like his laugh spilling from his lips. she imagines it tastes like the sparkle in his eyes.

matty looks at her differently too—she’s not stupid, she knows what interest looks like.

she’s been the object of fascination since she turned thirteen and developed boobs seemingly overnight. she shies away from attention most of the time—wears t-shirts twice her size, keeps her hair a bland brown. she barely even looks at boys or men who tell her she looks mature for her age. but when matty looks at her, it’s different.

when matty looks at her, she wants to be seen.

“you sure it’s okay for us to be out so late?” he asks one night when they’re sat in his car. the world around them has already gone quiet—it is a school night after all, she should be in bed too. but she sees the cigarette dangling loosely between his lips and for a second she forgets to respond. matty quirks and eyebrow and she realises she’s been staring at his mouth.

“my mum won’t mind.” her response is a bit curt, but she leaves it at that. there’s no need to mention that her mum’s probably drowning in wine by now, tripping and spilling the liquid onto floors and sofas and carpet.

“she must be chill,” matty hums to himself and takes a drag of his cigarette. she watches him hold it into his lungs, some of it escapes through his nose and curls around his face.

she keeps quiet, unwilling to get into that topic of conversation.

“i’m thinking of dropping out,” matty says quietly once the cigarette turns into a tiny stub. his voice is carefully neutral, monotonous. she whirls to look at him, jaw practically dropping to the (dirty) floor of his car. matty stares straight ahead, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, but the tension in his shoulders gives him away.

images flash in front of her—walking the school corridors alone, eating lunch alone, doing her homework alone. working at her job alone.

alone, alone, alone. no one but her mum around her again. that wretched fucking woman occupying every atom of her existence.

“did you h—”

“i heard you.” her voice has gone quiet now but there’s an edge to it that doesn’t go unnoticed by matty.

“and?”

“and what? if i said no, would that convince you to stay?”

she doesn’t mean to sound so sharp, so bitter. certainly not so selfish. but an ugly feeling bubbles up so deep inside her that all the excitement from before just dies—all the butterflies from just a moment ago, now dead and rotten, making her feel nauseous.

“no but—”

“i don’t want to tell you why it’s irresponsible, matty. frankly, i don’t know if i believe that myself but… it’s… it’s big.”

his face falls further and further the more she speaks. with each word she wants to press a hand to her mouth, wrap it around her throat so it would strangle everything else that’s about to come out. with every word she wants him to tell her to just shut the fuck up, that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. but matty only looks at her and a different sort of quiet spreads around the car.

“you think this… this thing you’ve got going on. music. you think that’s enough?! you play for fucking retirement homes, matty! you play for old people who probably won’t even remember what they heard twenty minutes later. and you want to–what? you want to leave your education incomplete? you want to leave a-levels and school and your job? you just want to…leave?”

which is the real problem.

he gets the luxury of leaving.

she gets the misery of staying.

“thanks,” he says dryly, trying to roll his eyes. she catches the extra shine they now have, she catches the way his throat bobs. and suddenly the car is so stifling she can’t stand it anymore—can’t stand the taste of the nasty, cheap beer and the too-salty, too-greasy chinese they’re eating and she can’t stand the cliche, indie rock music playing at low volume.

she can’t stand him anymore.

“i need to go,” she says curtly, wiping her hands on her jeans and already halfway out the door when matty grabs her wrist.

“wait—”

“what.”

“n-nothing.” it’s the first time she’s heard him stutter, first time he’s ever said something without sounding completely sure of himself. “let me just drop you home.”

it’s also the first time he’s offered to do that.

“i have my bike.” besides there’s no need for you to see the state of the house right now, no need to come across that belligerent woman in case she’s still conscious.

“it’s late.”

she can’t really argue with that logic. it is almost 11 at night and she might not live in a very shady neighbourhood but it’s still not the safest at this time of the night. still, she doesn’t want matty driving her around and dropping her home. that feels too vulnerable. besides, she just wants to be away from him.

he’s leaving anyway, she might as well start practising that from now on.

“i’ll text you when you get home,” she mumbles and forces her wrist out of his hand.

she’s out of the car and slamming the door shut before he can even protest. she’s marching across the empty road and to her bike before the absence of his warmth registers, before her body realises that she can no longer feel his skin against hers.

before she really has a chance to let anything sink in.

matty honks and she hisses.

“what!”

“i’m following you home.” and then the little shit rolls up the window.

she has half a mind to stubbornly wait him out, see how long he stays if she just refused to move but that’s a stupid plan. like it or not, it’s happening. he’s following her home.

like it or not, she’s going to have to let him.

“i’ll only accept your apology on one condition.”

it’s two days later that they’re back in his car—her with a guilty conscience, matty with a smug smile.

“ugh, if you’re about to be a boy about it!”

“you haven’t even heard me out yet!”

the pit in her stomach shifts, the hollow cavity catching in her throat until she has to forcefully clear her throat and blink rapidly. it’s not that she’s completely forgiven him for wanting to leave, she hasn’t completely given up on that yet either. but she realises the way she went about it was perhaps…a bit shitty (okay it was definitely a lot shitty)

“spring dance”

“what?!”

the words jerk her out of her thoughts so violently that she almost forget about everything else for a second. the spring fucking dance.

matty healy, the boy who nicks chinese food and drinks cheap beer and wears ripped, skinny jeans wants to go to the spring dance.

“right don’t look at me like i’ve asked you out to a strip club—”

“that’d be more in character—”

“oi! just… let me speak!”

and so she shuts up, puts her hands under her thighs so she won’t impulsively chew on her nails while her crush is…trying to ask her out.

matty rolls his eyes at her and the fond smile on his face takes her breath away.

“i want to do it. i want one last cheesy school experience before i…” he trails off, maybe not wanting to finish that sentence for her sake. or maybe because it affects him more than she thinks. “and i want to do it with you.”

“me? ooh like i’m special or something.” she tries for it to be teasing and playful, but the words come out sounding so hopeful that it knocks the breath out of her.

“don’t pretend,” matty’s voice goes all quiet then. serious too, and suddenly he can’t meet her eyes. “don’t pretend like you don’t see it.”

“see what…”

there’s a lot in her life that she pretends not to see—half the things at home, sometimes her failing marks, sometimes the way other people look at her and whisper. but he is the one person she can’t pretend with. can’t pretend to not see the way he looks at her and acts around her. can’t pretend to not notice the way his touches linger and his smiles last longer.

even now, she can’t pretend like he’s not looking right at her lips, leaning in a smidge at a time. wishing she’d close the gap.

involuntarily, her eyes flutter shut. anticipating.

she wants to feel it so fucking bad—his hands on her waist, his fingers on her skin. she wants to feel his faint stubble against the palm of her hand, his lips on hers. most of all she just wants to feel him close, to feel his breath on her skin.

matty jerks away and a loud horn of a car breaks the spell.

“fucking dicks!” matty rolls the window down and yells at the retreating figure of teenagers in a car, one of them even flips him off and next to him she seethes.

fuck this, fuck everything. why can’t she just have nice things.

why must someone come and ruin it every time.

it takes them both a minute to breathe and settle down and meet each other’s eyes again. even then there’s a slight pink tinge on his face that makes him look adorable.

“sorry about that…” matty mumbles and taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “so…spring dance?”

“i’d love that.”

she hopes the smile she gives him is genuine. she hopes he sees it plain and simple all over her face—all the words she hasn’t said and cannot say.

matty smiles wide. “then i forgive you.”

and it’s like a weight gets lifted off her chest.

“you look pretty,” her mum’s eyes roam over her body, eyeing her from head to toe, flicking over certain places again and again until she almost feels naked—like the blush pink fabric doesn’t even exist. like her mum sees right through her.

years of this has taught her that it’s not a compliment. if anything, it’s just another trap, so she focuses on her reflection in the mirror and smiles with as much warmth as she can muster. “thanks!”

her mum reeks of wine already, maybe even a little weed but it’s nearly not enough today which is surprising. she would have expected her mum to be at some bar by now.

“i’ll be a bit late. don’t worry i have my keys though.”

then she scoffs to herself. when has her mum ever worried?

“who’s taking you? to the dance.”

“wha–? oh. uh, just a few friends. only met them recently.” she winces, trying to get the last of the curls in place, trying not to be too cagey in front of her mum. she doesn’t want her mum to think she’s hiding something—mostly because it never ends well, and she can’t be arsed to deal with another screaming match right now. not when there’s a ball of anxiety and anticipation in her chest, wound so tightly that it’s slowly choking the air out of her lungs.

she just wants to be outside. she just wants matty to see her, to call her pretty and maybe even kiss her.

she just wants this one night with him.

just one.

her mum huffs and stumbles into the room. everything about this woman wants to make her shrink away—the days old stink of sweat and alcohol and cigarettes, the grime under her fingernails, her beady stare…

even when her mum’s fingers twirl around her curl, she fights not to shrink back, to slap her mum’s hand away.

“you look pretty,” her mum repeats. “prettier than i did when i was your age.”

her stomach churns at the cruel edge to those words but her mum isn’t done yet. “huh–not so easy to be pretty with a seven month pregnant belly. like a fucking whale…”

and there it is.

her fault that her mum was robbed off having normal teenage experiences.

“right, mum,” she smiles shakily, “need to get going.”

it’s almost a miracle that her mum doesn’t say anything else. mum just backs away and lets her gather her things. she quickens her pace, heart beating in her throat, hands trembling when she picks up her small purse.

it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay

“don’t spread your legs for that boy.”

she freezes in place, almost out the door.

“wha—”

“act dumb again and i’ll make sure you never see that boy again.”

“mum…” she swallows harshly, prays that the tears pricking her eyes don’t spill down her cheeks. then she nods and books it out of there. better to go before her mum changes her mind.

better to go before leaving becomes impossible.

matty makes her forget all of it.

the moment she sees him, the shakiness in her limbs disappears, her heart thuds in her chest for all the right reasons. he’s in a suit. a fucking suit that makes him look all grown up and handsome but then his unruly curls go all over the place and suddenly she’s laughing with the boy she’s had a crush on.

no matter what he wears and what he looks like, he will always be that boy.

the school auditorium is full of flowers—some fake, some real. all the girls around her look stunning, dressed in colourful pretty gowns. it’s all spring incarnate.

all night he dances effortlessly, twirls so many people around him like he’s friends with everyone. and maybe he is—he’s certainly always been so much more popular than she has. she should be the one leaving.

but she also can’t help but stare. she wonders if he is a daydream, something her lonely mind conjured up during hours filled with boredom or after long, exhausting fights with her mum. and suddenly, he is looking right at her. sweat makes his white shirt stick to his body in the most flattering way possible, makes his sweaty curls fall into his eyes until he can barely see straight.

stop ogling!

“staring is rude, you know?” he walks—no, saunters—over to her. suddenly, there’s not enough air left in the giant school auditorium.

“you’ve been staring too,” she counters. and she’s right. all night she’s caught his long lingering glances that make her feel like she’s coming alive.

like a flower blooming in spring.

“you kinda make it hard not to stare.” so does he, she thinks. but everything, from his half smile to his relaxed posture, tells her not to inflate his ego further. she stifles the faint blush creeping up her face and shakes her head bashfully.

“come on,” he says.

at first, she doesn’t realise what’s happening. then he whisks her away to the dance floor and her shriek of surprise turns into one of delight. she has never danced like this before but that night they dance till her heart pounds in her ears, till she can’t stand straight anymore. then they sway softly, in spite of the rock and roll playing in the background.

“you’re beautiful,” matty smiles at her, sincere and real.

if she discovers anything about herself that early spring night, it would be her love for dancing. it’s a feeling she’s never felt before—something that almost feels like…freedom. it’s foreign at first, all the blood coursing through her body at the speed of lightning. she tries to keep track of how many times she shrieks and laughs and jumps in excitement. all of it until matty picks her up and twirls her around.

round and round until she’s breathless and light as air and fucking free.

somewhere after that, she loses count. at the end of the night, her dress clings to her and matty can’t stop staring. can’t stop letting his eyes roam all over her until he’s grinning himself. his smile is boyish. perfect. and just as she’s getting self-conscious, he pulls her closer.

“you’re fucking perfect, you know that?”

next thing she knows, matty is holding her softly against the wall and kissing her bare neck. he softly caresses her waist through her dress and she shivers against the warm spring breeze. she can feel him shaking too, almost like he’s…nervous to do anything more. to actually kiss her and shatter the moment. she can’t have that, can’t let this moment slip through her fingers.

“kiss me,” she pleads and matty moves in an instant, his warm mouth capturing hers. like he was only waiting for her permission.

his lips are a little chapped. far from perfect and yet electricity zings through her all at once. if it weren’t for the wall, her legs might have given out from under her. she might just be a heap on the floor, surrounded by all the spring flowers.

matty kisses with such reckless abandon that it steals her breath away. kisses her until her heart swells in her chest, ready to burst. her fingers tangle themselves into his hair and she kisses him back with everything in her. she can’t care less about how public this is, there’s only him in this moment.

only the two of them on a warm spring night suspended in this one moment.

she almost whines when matty pulls back. annoyed beyond belief that he’d pull away now.

“mat—”

“it’s late.”

“it’s not!”

“it is, love.” suddenly his voice has gone gentle, almost quiet. matty pulls his old phone out of his pocket (with the screen cracked and all) and holds it in front of her. the screen flashes with 11:17

shit where did all the time go?

matty makes no move to untangle himself from her arms, still pressed against her. in her ead she forms a childlike grudge against his phone. if it weren’t for it, they would have never known what time it was…

“i hate this.” her voice comes out thick with tears and something wet hits her nose. “i don’t want to go, i don’t want you to go. please.” but even then she knows how unfair it is to put him in this situation.

matty’s caresses her cheek, wiping away her tears, smiling at her like she’s the most gentle precious thing in the whole world.

and maybe she is. in his world.

“you’ll finish school too,” he says, voice a low murmur, “and then you have a uni to attend. so much shit to do. god, you’re brilliant enough to get everything you want.”

but it’s you i want. still she doesn’t say it. not just yet.

she nuzzles his palm instead, placing a soft kiss on it. “i hate spring. i wish it was autumn instead. i’d be starting uni at least.”

“and you will,” matty reassures again. “you’re going to do so many things.”

“you won’t be here to see them…”

and there it is, all the things she’s been holding deep inside laid bare. matty looks at her for a long time and smiles sadly. “who said that? i’d find you, we will keep in touch. isn’t spring meant to be about new beginnings and all that? so why don’t we start a pact?”

“that’s a silly idea,” she teases but even then she’s eager to know what he means.

matty ignores it. “stay here for spring and summer, finish school. i’ll find you when autumn comes.”

“you’d really do that?”

“who’s gonna help you move into uni halls huh?”

through tears she laughs. only matty could make it sound so exciting. only matty could make her hate it so much less.

she doesn’t trust herself to speak anymore so she kisses him instead. he tastes like peaches, mint and something sweet. the very first boy she’s ever loved. the boy she will always love.

he’s leaving soon, she knows it. who knows maybe she will wake up tomorrow and he will be gone. she feels all that passes between them and she tries to send all her longing and all her yearning down that bond. for a brief second she is determined to make matty stay through sheer willpower.

but that would be the most selfish thing she’s ever done. and so she smiles and lets him go.

matty might be leaving but she’ll always have this one warm spring night. even as the clock inches towards midnight and a new day threatens to arrive.

for a brief moment she wonders if she can make time stand still. this one moment stretched into eternity.

but the minutes tick by anyway. and tomorrow comes anyway.

taglist: @scooby-doodoo, @partoftheairforce, @justgoatsbreakinghearts0855@beachesgetpeaches, @you-muppet, @mcabister, @alexmarie29, @at-her-very-foreign, @hfkait, @squishysoupy @sierraeslaprincesa @harrie-fic-center @alien-girl-violet @thereisaplaceintheheart @kennedy-brooke @lolidontknowanymore @theoriginalwhatsername@celestcies @sugarkane1001 @ari-turner @thewaywewereinsaigon @daphnesutton @beliefandsayingsomething @ros3chu @nothingrevealedeverythingdenied @zzzhealy @mattymybeloved @fck-off @indiaamars @sofaritsalrightt @k4tie75 @wondersecret @humptyhoran @indierockgirrl @hanbiior @moreyoulove-moreyouknow @rossgirly @if-my-heart-bleeds @little-lovely-darling @abriefnirvana @renitypoem @sinarainbows @lady-may-targaryen @love4agesss @angrylittlebaldman @oneluckygirl @sinarainbows @starvchaser @noacfapologyst @abouttofillhisshoes @tbhnotthatfunny

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#spring fics #seasons #the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty x reader #matty x you

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hanafubukki · 4 months

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Concerning the Idia & proposing by pomegranate thing- what if he gives you the seeds slowly as he becomes more and more sure he wants to marry you? The first one he gives you is while he's at NRC. Just a single seed doesn't say anything, what's the harm in feeding you one just as a symbol of appreciation for what you are to him? Cue to a year or two later- he's no longer in school while you're still there (free housing, ya know?), but you're facetiming and doing everything you can to stay in contact/have a long distance relationship. He sends Ortho to visit you along with a gift basket, making sure Ortho has video proof that you ate the single pomegranate seed nestled among the fruit. Another year or two pass and you now live relatively close to each other. He's at your place, snuggled up to you on the couch as you're nodding off. He gets caught up in his feelings for you, of how much he loves you and would never want to live without you. His gaze never leaves you as he presses a seed into your mouth and you sleepily eat it. The fourth one is somewhat forced onto you- he had gotten jealous. You corner him into talking about his feelings, which leads to an emotional outburst. He corners you up against a wall, grimly speaking down to you. A pomegranate seed appears between his fingers and presses it into your lips, but you don't open your mouth. The rage he was displaying started to radiate away as you held strong until all his face showed was sadness. You know what he was feeling- what he was thinking. You were waiting for him to cool off. You take his hand in both of yours. He flinches. You can tell he wants to back up- to not be near you now- but he doesn't move away. Your lips part and mouth opens as you take the seed from him, looking into his eyes as you eat it (you don't know what's up with him and these occasional pomegranate seeds, but you know they mean something special to him). He hands are trembling now as his face starts shifting- he's gonna cry. You let go of his hands to cup his face instead and kiss his tears away as they start rolling down.

He's done for the night and laying in bed, ready to actually get some sleep. And what better way to fall asleep than to daydream of you. What naturally comes to mind first is embarrassing- your wedding. Nobody's watching so he let's himself indulge in his simping pleasures. Until he remembers (more like realizes). The seeds. He- He never thought your relationship would amount to anything- to continue this long. He figured you'd realize he was a loser, that you could do better, and one day leave him forever. That's why he never thought much about giving them to you- they were just symbols of his feelings for you that would never reach a critical number because you'd have left by then. He shivers. He's at 4. Not much more than half, but only 2 to go. What if he hadn't realized it in time? What if he'd given you the last two in another willy-nilly moment and unintentionally bound you to him for life? He knows what his options are. He knows, if he really wants to, he could leave you. Ghost you and never have you enter his life again. Never have another opportunity to feed you another seed. But he also knows- deep down he doesn't want to. Even disregarding the hope his heart cannot help but have, he wants to spend every single moment he can with you- up until the very last second. He's selfish like that. So he decides- he'll just ignore it. There's 2 left- that means he has 1 as a buffer before things get dangerous. It'll be fine. He won't feed you one again.

It happened again. He's at home, sitting on his bed as he reflects on his actions. He'd spent another day with you, as usual, and as the day was winding down... he was so in love with you. The idea popped into his head, "Feed her one. Give her a seed. You have to, you love her so much you can't bear it, so just press one more into her mouth- let it alleviate this positive pressure on your heart. Who cares if this will be the fith? It's the buffer seed. It'll be fine as long as you never give her another. It's fine, just do it!" And he had. And he was happy.

He hated his feelings ever since he'd fed you the fith seed. Day by day his desire to give you the fate-bounding sixth seed grew stronger and stronger. Again and again, he felt the compulsion to feed you another. But he had more willpower this time around, knowing what the consequences of his actions would be. It was difficult, but he'd held fast despite his tug-of-war of feelings- of loving you so much but having to not act on it. His suffering would be eased soon, however. You'd come to visit him but you were acting slightly off. Nervous maybe? No...flustered. You sat on his couch and gestured him to sit next to you, your knees angled so you'd also be facing each other. You were nervous, heat rising to your face, but you wanted to do this. Now you just had to start talking. "You know...Ortho told me." "??? T-Told you...what?" "What the pomegranate seeds mean." His heart dropped to his stomach as you continued talking, "He also let me know how many I've eaten so far. I feel like it's been way more than 5, but maybe that's because it's been over so many years." This is it, he thinks. It's gonna be over. "Have you... do you... would you want...? To... give me the last one?" He can't answer. The moment he does, you'll be gone (his appearance doesn't match his inner turmoil- with his blazing pink hair, blushing face, and dilated eyes). You can do this. You have to take the plunge. You take a breath to steel your nerves and raise your open palm. A single pomegranate seed sits in it. "I-I would like it. If you'd.... give it to me." He hasn't moved a single muscle. Is this rejection? "I-Idia?" You have unconsciously leaned closer to him, gravitating your face closer to his. The room is silent. You can't take anymore. You're about to pull back when you feel something tickle your hand. It's his slim, pale fingers, just barely grazing your palm. Now he's leaning closer as well, and he picks up the seed. He's yet to say anything- he's only staring at you. He lifts the seed. His pointer finger places it on the seam of your lips before his thumb gently holds it there, waiting for your permission to push it in.

(Extra: you move his hand away and pull him in for a kiss- your tongues pushing the seed around. You make sure it's in your mouth when you pull away, and you make sure to exaggerated your swallow so he knows it went down)

[in reference to this ask]

Hello Fake Date Sebek Anonke 🌸🌺💙

*grips you by the shoulders* Anonie, Anonie, the way I just gaped at this?? Wow??

It’s so cute?!! I adored reading it. 💞💞💙💙

@werewolfnamedraven, Raven you need to read this!!

Idia slowly coming into his feelings as time goes on is just -chef kiss-

The symbolism of courting you secretly but in his own way, you don’t know what it means, but you do it for him. 🥹💙

And then!! The sixth seed!! He could end his misery and make you his, but he doesn’t! Doesn’t allow that one last selfishness move his hand. Instead, you find out and make your choice. You ask him to give it to you.

It was your choice.

You chose to be with him ahhhhh 💞💞

And that kiss!!! That kiss!!

The kiss sealed the deal.

You are together now, not even death can seperate you two.

Fake Date Sebek Anonie, you’ve done beautifully!! I thank you in not leaving me in angst this time 💙🥰🌺

#answered #Anonie ask #🌺fake date sebek Anonie🌺#idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #🌷others fics🌷

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correlance · 3 months

Text

Paradise Lost: How John Milton's 1667 work influenced "Hazbin Hotel"

I've been thinking about why the "fruit of knowledge" in Hazbin Hotel is depicted as an apple, as opposed to another fruit that would've been more accurate to the Middle East during the Fall of Man, as well as how Paradise Lost by John Milton (1667) influenced the show.

Per one source:

"Because the Hebrew Bible describes the forbidden fruit only as 'peri', the term for general fruit, no one knows [what exactly type of fruit it was]. It could be a fruit that doesn't exist anymore. Historians have speculated it may have been any one of these fruits: pomegranate, mango, fig, grapes, etrog or citron, carob, pear, quince, or mushroom."

Per Wikipedia:

"The pseudepigraphic Book of Enoch describes the tree of knowledge: 'It was like a species of the Tamarind tree, bearing fruit which resembled grapes extremely fine; and its fragrance extended to a considerable distance. I exclaimed, How beautiful is this tree, and how delightful is its appearance!' (1 Enoch 31:4)."

In Jewish and Islamic traditions, the "fruit of knowledge" is commonly identified with grapes. The Zohar explains that Noah attempted (but failed) to rectify the sin of Adam by using grape wine for holy purposes. Today, the "Noah grape" is still used to make white wine.

Furthermore:

"The association of the pomegranate with knowledge of the underworld as provided in the Ancient Greek legend of Hades and Persephone may also have given rise to an association with knowledge of the 'otherworld', tying-in with knowledge that is forbidden to mortals. It is also believed Hades offered Persephone a pomegranate to force her to stay with him in the underworld for 6 months of the year. Hades is the Greek god of the underworld, and the Bible states that whoever eats the forbidden fruit shall die."

So, how then did the apple become the foremost symbol of the "fruit of knowledge"? You can partly thank Paradise Lost by English poet John Milton, a work which the lore of Hazbin Hotel is based off of.

Milton published the book in 1667, a time when the hedonistic Restoration era was in full swing. The exiled King Charles II was restored to the throne as King of England in 1660, and was a party animal, with dozens of mistresses, and nicknamed both the "playboy prince" and "Old Rowley", the latter after his favorite lustful stallion.

However, the association of the "fruit of knowledge" began with a Latin pun long before Milton immortalized the association in Paradise Lost. Per the linked article above by Nina Martyris for NPR:

"In order to explain, we have to go all the way back to the fourth century A.D., when Pope Damasus ordered his leading scholar of scripture, Jerome, to translate the Hebrew Bible into Latin. Jerome's path-breaking, 15-year project, which resulted in the canonical 'Vulgate', used the Latin spoken by the common man. As it turned out, the Latin words for evil and apple are the same: 'malus'.

[...] When Jerome was translating the 'Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil', the word 'malus' snaked in. A brilliant but controversial theologian, Jerome was known for his hot temper, but he obviously also had a rather cool sense of humor.

'Jerome had several options,' says Robert Appelbaum, a professor of English literature at Sweden's Uppsala University. 'But he hit upon the idea of translating 'peri' as 'malus', which in Latin has two very different meanings. As an adjective, 'malus' means 'bad' or 'evil'. As a noun it seems to mean an apple, in our own sense of the word, coming from the very common tree now known officially as the 'Malus pumila'. So Jerome came up with a very good pun.'

The story doesn't end there. 'To complicate things even more,' says Appelbaum, 'the word 'malus' in Jerome's time, and for a long time after, could refer to any fleshy seed-bearing fruit. A pear was a kind of 'malus'. So was the fig, the peach, and so forth.'

Which explains why Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel fresco features a serpent coiled around a fig tree. But the apple began to dominate Fall artworks in Europe after the German artist Albrecht Dürer's famous 1504 engraving depicted the First Couple counterpoised beside an apple tree. It became a template for future artists such as Lucas Cranach the Elder, whose luminous Adam and Eve painting is hung with apples that glow like rubies.

Milton, then, was only following cultural tradition. But he was a renowned Cambridge intellectual fluent in Latin, Greek and Hebrew, who served as secretary for foreign tongues to Oliver Cromwell during the Commonwealth. If anyone was aware of the 'malus' pun, it would be him, and yet he chose to run it with it. Why?

Appelbaum says that Milton's use of the term 'apple' was ambiguous. 'Even in Milton's time the word had two meanings: either what was our common apple, or, again, any fleshy seed-bearing fruit. Milton probably had in mind an ambiguously named object with a variety of connotations as well as denotations, most but not all of them associating the idea of the apple with a kind of innocence, though also with a kind of intoxication, since hard apple cider was a common English drink.'

It was only later readers of Milton, says Appelbaum, who thought of 'apple' as 'apple', and not any seed-bearing fruit. For them, the forbidden fruit became synonymous with the 'malus pumila'. As a widely read canonical work, 'Paradise Lost' was influential in cementing the role of apple in the Fall of Man story."

To tie this back into John Milton's relationship with King Charles II of England, as mentioned, Milton originally served Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of England, and the English Commonwealth, which was formed with the overthrow and execution of King Charles I on 30 January 1649, following the bloody English Civil War (1642 – 1651).

The King's two sons - the newly-christened King Charles II, the elder, and James, Duke of York (King James II), the younger - fled into exile on the European continent. However, with the death of Oliver Cromwell on 3 September 1658 came the 2-year-long dissolution of the English Commonwealth, and the restoration of the monarchy.

As for Milton himself, we can look to an article by Bill Potter.

Milton, born on 9 December 1608, was around 51-52 years old when King Charles II was restored to the throne. He attended Christ's Church, Cambridge in his youth, and mastered at least six languages, as well as history and philosophy; making him, perhaps, the most knowledgeable poet in history. He spent more than a year travelling across Europe, conversing with and learning from intellectuals, linguists, poets, and artists, including the famous Galileo Galilei.

However, Milton was a controversial figure of his time, being unafraid to criticize institutions of authority; arguing that "divorce was Biblical", for which he was routinely condemned; joining the Puritans; penning the Areopagitica, a treatise on liberty in favor of Parliament and the Roundhead rebels, during the reign of King Charles I, arguing that the King must be held accountable by the people; and agreed with and justified the murder of King Charles I, for which Parliament hired him in 1649 as a propagandist and correspondence secretary to foreign powers, on account of his fiery manifestos against "the man".

The collapse of the Commonwealth with the death of Oliver Cromwell in 1658 did not deter Milton from continued political writing against the monarchy and the new public sentiment that brought about its Restoration under King Charles II in 1660. On the contrary, Milton - now totally blind, having lost his eyesight by the age of 44 in 1652, a decade earlier - began writing Paradise Lost in 1661, and spent the next six years dictating the work to transcribers.

A supporter of regicide, Milton was also forced into exile himself, and faked his own death, as Charles refused to pardon - and sought to execute - any of those directly involved with his father's murder. Milton's friends held a mock funeral for Milton on 27 August 1660, just months after the coronation of King Charles II on 23 April 1660.

King Charles II commented that he "applauded his [Milton's] policy in escaping the punishment of death [execution for treason] by a reasonable show of dying", but insisted on a public spectacle nonetheless by having Milton's writings burned by the public hangman.

After eventually obtaining a general pardon from King Charles II, Milton was imprisoned, and released, likely due to political friends in high places. He died, aged 64, in 1674. His theological views were sometimes considered heterodox by the best Puritans, and his political views came close to getting him executed on several occasions. His poetry, however, has endured as some of the greatest works in the English language, especially Paradise Lost; much of his greatest work was written during his 22 years of complete blindness.

One of the main factors in King Charles II deciding to grant a pardon to Milton was, ironically, Paradise Lost. While originally written by Milton as a scathing criticism of King Charles II and the monarchy - depicting Lucifer Morningstar as a sympathetic rebel against God, with King Charles II claiming that is right to rule came from "divine ordainment" - Charles II enjoyed the work, and authorized its publication on 20 August 1667. We know this because a 1668 copy of Paradise Lost in royal bindings by Samuel Mearne, bound lovingly in a fine red leather made of goat skins tanned with sumac, and stamped in gold with the royal cypher of King Charles II, was found. The endpapers bore a watermark with the royal arms of Charles II.

Per one Miltonian scholar: "The most single important event in Milton's life was the event against which he struggled most: the Restoration of Charles II, [and his relationship with the King]. Had it not come, we might have never had Paradise Lost...certainly, we should never have had [it] in [its] present power and significance."

Milton followed up Paradise Lost with Paradise Regained in 1671, three years before his death, with advice for King Charles II, urging the hedonistic Charles to "reign over himself and his passions":

"For therein stands the office of a King, His Honour, Vertue, Merit and chief Praise, That for the Publick all this weight he bears. Yet he who reigns within himself, and rules Passions, Desires, and Fears, is more a King; Which every wise and vertuous man attains: And who attains not, ill aspires to rule Cities of men, or head-strong Multitudes, Subject himself to Anarchy within, Or lawless passions in him which he serves." - John Milton, Paradise Regained, Book II, lines 463-472

To summarize: "If we must have a King back again, my Lord, please try to be a good man, unlike your father, who fell to his pride, [which was also the downfall of Lucifer]."

To quote another source: "Though the passage begins by noting that the office of a King is to bear the weight of public concerns, it is the control of one's private concerns that truly set a King apart as a virtuous character. Indeed, so important is self-command that any wise or virtuous man who attains it is like a king; any king who does not practice [self-command] is nothing more than a mere subject, ruled by anarchy and lawlessness."

Milton's words, too, echo a work written by Charles' grandfather, King James VI/I of Scotland and England: Basilikon Doron ("Royal Gift").

Per Wikipedia:

"'Basilikon Doron' (Βασιλικὸν Δῶρον) means 'royal gift' in Ancient Greek, and was written in the form of a private letter to James' eldest son, Henry, Duke of Rothesay (1594–1612). After Henry's death, James gave it to his second son, Charles, born 1600, later King Charles I. Seven copies were printed in Edinburgh in 1599, and it was republished in London in 1603, when it sold in the thousands.

This document is separated into three books, serving as general guidelines to follow to be an efficient monarch. The first describes a king's duty towards God as a Christian. The second focuses on the roles and responsibilities in office. The third concerns proper behaviour in daily life.

As the first part is concerned with being a good Christian, James instructed his son to love and respect God as well as to fear Him. Furthermore, it is essential to carefully study the Scripture (the Bible) and especially specific books in both the Old and New Testaments. Lastly, he must pray often and always be thankful for what God has given him.

In the second book, James encouraged his son to be a good king, as opposed to a tyrant, by establishing and executing laws as well as governing with justice and equality, such as by boosting the economy. The final portion of the Basilikon Doron focuses on the daily life of a monarch.

All of these guidelines composed an underlying code of conduct to be followed by all monarchs and heads of state to rule and govern efficiently. James assembled these directions as a result of his own experience and upbringing. He, therefore, offered the 'Basilikon Doron' ('Royal Gift') to his son, with the hope of rendering him a capable ruler, and perhaps to pass it down to future generations.

Overall, it repeats the argument for the divine right of kings, as set out in 'The True Law of Free Monarchies', which was also written by James. It warns against 'Papists' (Roman Catholics) and derides Puritans, in keeping with his philosophy of following a 'middle path', which is also reflected in the preface to the 1611 King James Bible. It also advocates removing the Apocrypha from the Bible."

King James VI/I further instructed his son and grandson:

"A good monarch must be well acquainted with his subjects, and so it would be wise to visit each of the kingdoms every three years."

"During war or armed conflict, he should choose old-but-good captains to lead an army of young and agile soldiers."

"In the court and the household, [a royal] should carefully select loyal gentlemen and servants to surround him. When the time came to choose a wife, it would be best if she were of the same religion and had a generous estate. However, she must not meddle with governmental politics, but perform her domestic duties."

"As for inheritance, to ensure stability, the kingdom should be left to the eldest son, not divided among all children."

"Lastly, it is most important...that [a royal] would know well his own craft...to properly govern over his subjects. To do so, [one] must study the laws of the kingdom, and actively participate in the council. Furthermore, [one] must be acquainted with mathematics for military purposes, and world history for foreign policy."

"[A royal] must also not drink and sleep excessively. His wardrobe should always be clean and proper, and he must never let his hair and nails grow long. In his writing and speech, he should use honest and plain language."

King James VI/I further supplemented Basilikon Doron with a written treatise titled The True Law of Free Monarchies: Or, The Reciprocal and Mutual Duty Between a Free King and His Natural Subjects.

"It is believed King James VI/I wrote the tract to set forth his idea of absolutist monarchism in clear contrast to the contractarian views espoused by, among others, James' tutor George Buchanan (in 'De Jure Regni apud Scotos'), [which] held the idea that monarchs rule in accordance of some sort of social contract with their people. James saw the divine right of kings as an extension of the apostolic succession, as both not being subjected by humanly laws."

Milton's own Areopagitica was a follow-up on De Jure Regni apid Scotos by George Buchanan, and also to The True Law of Free Monarchies, as well as the idea of the "divine right of kings". It takes its title in part from Areopagitikos (Greek: Ἀρεοπαγιτικός), a speech written by Athenian orator Isocrates in the 4th century BC.

Most importantly, Milton also wrote on the concept of free will: "Milton's ideas were ahead of his time in the sense that he anticipated the arguments of later advocates of freedom of the press by relating the concept of free will, and choice to individual expression and right."

The concept of free will, too, was a major topic explored in Paradise Lost. Per one source: "In 'Paradise Lost', Milton argues that though God foresaw the Fall of Man, he still didn't influence Adam and Eve's free will. [...] God specifically says that he gives his creatures the option to serve or disobey, as he wants obedience that is freely given [or chosen], not forced. Some critics have claimed that the God of the poem undercuts his own arguments; however, Milton did not believe in the Calvinistic idea of 'predestination' (that God has already decided who is going to Hell and who to Heaven), but he often comes close to describing a Calvinistic God. God purposefully lets Lucifer (Satan) escape Hell, and sneak past Uriel into the Garden of Eden, and basically orchestrates the whole situation so that humanity can be easily ruined by a single disobedient act. In describing the Fall of Man before it happens, God already predicts how he will remedy it, and give greater glory to himself by sending his Son [Jesus Christ] to die, and restore the order of Heaven."

In Hazbin Hotel, Adam also describes the Calvinistic idea of 'predestination', and that "the rules are black and white":

However, "This possible predestination leads to the theory of the 'fortunate fall', which is based on Adam's delight at learning of the eventual coming of the Messiah [from his bloodline]. This idea says that God allowed the Fall of Man, so that he could bring good out of it, possibly more good than would have occurred without the Fall, and be able to show his love and power through the incarnation of his Son. In this way, the free will of Adam and Eve (and Lucifer/Satan) remains basically free, but still fits into God's overarching plan."

However, there is one major flaw with this, and that is that we don't know if Jesus Christ exists within the Hazbin Hotel universe or not. Yet Charlie Morningstar, the daughter of Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith, and the "Princess of Hell", is depicted as a savior-esque figure within the show who, like God in Paradise Lost, encourages lowly sinners to choose obedience to God out of their own free will. More interestingly, Charlie does not come from Adam's bloodline; yet, while Lucifer decries 'free will', Charlie supports 'free will' instead.

Perhaps is is merely because Charlie, being the daughter of Lucifer and Lilith, claims to want to fulfill Lilith's "dream" of humanity being empowered in Hell ("The mind is its own place, it can make Heaven out of Hell, or Hell out of Heaven" - Lucifer, Paradise Lost); however, I think it also stems from Charlie having a genuine belief that 'free will', and people choosing to do good instead of evil, is "good" and "Godly".

True to Paradise Lost, this is also in fulfillment of God's plan; and, according to one fanfiction, why God allowed Charlie to be born to Lucifer and Lilith, so that sinners may be redeemed through Charlie.

For more on differing interpretations of 'free will', I suggest reading: "Free Will and the Diminishing Importance of God's Will: A Study of Paradise Lost and Supernatural" by Kimberly Batchelor (2016)

Excerpt: "'Paradise Lost' –and Milton’s purpose for writing the poem— is rooted deeply in postreformation Arminianism and this is apparent in its employment of free will. Chapter 1 argues that Milton turns to free will as a tool to justify the actions of God. Freedom of choice is God-given, and sets up a morality in which right and wrong are dictated by God. Chapter 2 shows that in 'Supernatural', free will is not given by a higher power; and, in fact, free choice functions as an act of defiance against God's will."

This raises the question: Is 'free will' given by God, using Lucifer as his vessel, in Hazbin Hotel, as in Paradise Lost? Or is 'free will' not given by a higher power; and, in fact, an act of defiance against God?

This brings us back around to our first question: Why is an apple, or 'malus', used to depict the "fruit of knowledge", especially if 'malus' means 'bad or evil', whereas Milton depicts 'free will' as God-given?

Well, for one, Lucifer still chooses to associate himself with apple symbolism and imagery, despite being skeptical of free will:

Based on the introduction to Episode 1, Charlie also views 'free will' as a gift (Miltonian), whereas Lucifer appears to view it as a curse.

However, Charlie also notes that it was through the 'gift' of free will that the "root of all evil" entered the world, for if mankind could choose to be good, then they could also choose to be evil ('malus').

John Milton states in Paradise Lost: "Of Man's First Disobedience, and the Fruit Of that Forbidden Tree [malus], whose mortal taste Brought Death (evil, malus) into the World, and all our woe."

Thus, the use of an apple specifically is likely a tie-in to what others have been speculating about a character that series creator Vivienne Medrano (Vivziepop) alluded to a while back: "The Root of All Evil".

However, "Roo" itself is depicted as possessing the body of a human woman, presumably Eve, the first one to eat the "fruit of knowledge":

Thus, we can discern that "Malus" likely refers to this character. (Also see: "Maleficent", a name that also uses the root word "mal", "evil".) As for Roo's intentions, if Charlie is "good" - and, if, in fact, Alastor was sent by "Roo" (Eve) - then they may want for Alastor to work on their behalf to "corrupt" Charlie, or make sure the hotel never succeeds.

This is because demonic power is tied to human souls, and there are "millions of souls" in Hell, which likely fuels the great power of "Roo". The more souls there are in Hell, the more powerful "Roo" becomes. The Overlords also get their demonic power from "millions of souls".

The deal between Eve and "Roo" might even be the first contract, or deal, between a human soul and a demonic entity; in exchange for 'free will', and the knowledge of good and evil, Eve allowed the "Root of All Evil" to inhabit her body, and to escape the void or prison it was confined to by Heaven (Hell?). (For one cannot be 'all-good' unless you attempt to 'eliminate' or 'ablate' evil; and, in Greek mythology, Zeus imprisoned the Titans in Tartarus for all of their evil deeds.)

Another possibility, brought up in an article by Gillian Osborne, is that Lucifer sees the "fruit of knowledge" as an apple, but it may appear as different fruits to different people, depending on how they view it. This also fits with Lucifer and angels being able to easily shapeshift.

In Paradise Lost, only Lucifer describes the fruit as an "apple" (malus), as he associates malus with "bad, evil", while the narrator also describes the fruit as "a mix of different colors" and peach-like. This then begs the question: "Did the fruit of knowledge of good and evil become 'evil' because Eve harbored resentment towards Adam?"

Quote: "Lucifer (Satan) gives Eve yet another hint that this tree may be more complicated than he wishes her to believe: although elsewhere in Milton's poem Eden is heady with its own newness, sprouting spring flowers left and right, the tree of knowledge is already old: its trunk is 'mossie'. Nevertheless, Lucifer claims to wind himself around the tree 'soon'; the quickness of his reported arrival stands in contrast to the timescales required to cover a fruit tree with moss (PL 9.589). Placing Lucifer's winding body between these two timescales—an easeful present and the inhuman scale of natural history—Milton suggests that there is something dangerous in entangling the past with the present. Yet, 'Paradise Lost' also makes deep biblical history feel like present politics for its readers. When Adam and Eve wander out of Eden at the end of the poem, they famously make their way not only into an earthly paradise, but also into the present. Eden's mossy apple tree therefore represents the pitfalls of conflating nature and history, of seeing any action in human history—even Eve's eating of an apple—as natural, if by nature, we mean inevitability. For Milton, history, unlike nature, is directed by humans, progressive, and, like the reading of 'Paradise Lost', hard work. While trees may inevitably collect moss the longer they live, Adam and Eve's labors in the garden, and our labors of reading, require agency and effort. Milton's poem refuses mourning the loss of Eden, [and the perfection of Heaven], in favor of a perpetual, melancholic, recreation of paradise: a present perfecting."

To quote Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier, which also draws inspiration from John Milton's Paradise Lost: "It's an unfortunate situation...but you do have a choice [i.e. free will]."

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