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#EDIT: Feel free to add on! Please share your thoughts in my inbox if you have them I love reading them
hrokkall · 1 year
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Saw a post the other day asking how P03 is able to see; my best guess is something like this.
I actually inspected P03′s 3D model for this which I don’t usually do (and then I proceeded to draw it off-model anyway. Whoops) but even outside of its hypothetical camera-vision, there’s a few other things of note:
P03 seems to have a lot of large vents (or at least things that look like some sort of ventilation/cooling). Two major ones on the chest, three on the top of the head (with potentially another on the side of its head), and one on the underside of its base (though that one might be for the hologram projection it uses to float). My best guess is that it’s because his factory is built right by the water where there would be a TON of moisture in the air. For that reason, some of them have got to be exhausts to make sure all of the air circulating in his torso is dry. That or he just overheats extremely easily I guess, but I’m leaning towards the humidity explanation (or it could be a combination of the two).
Its “eyes” are somewhere on the front of its face; whether it sees through a camera or just through the eyes on the screen via video game magic is up for debate, but it turns to face the player when they stand up so its vision probably isn’t on the sides of its head or something.
Similarly, P03 has some sort of sensitivity to touch (he reacts to Leshy’s hands gripping his monitor before Leshy says anything). I don’t think any “touch sensors” would be externally visible though.
Presumably (based on the ending to Act 3) P03′s head isn’t just a monitor, there’s vital systems in there as well (otherwise tearing its head off wouldn’t do anything to disrupt its upload/its ability to function). My best guess is that his power supply is in his chest so it would be the equivalent of just... unplugging your computer while it’s trying to preform updates.
The wire it uses to connect to the modules to update cards in Act 3 seems to come from either its neck or its torso, but in act 2 it’s very visibly on the side of the head. Granted the act 2 sprites are all pretty different from the Scrybes’ 3D models so that’s not an outlier.
The range of motion in P03′s arm seems pretty similar to a human arm; he has a ball-and-socket joint on the shoulder and a hinge joint on his elbow plus separate segments for the “wrist” and “hand”. The only thing it probably can’t do is twist its forearm.
I don’t have any idea what either of the cranks do. The head crank moves when it changes its expression so it might have something to do with its display, but the arm crank is only shown doing anything on the G0lly Uberbot hologram. My best guess is that P03 used to have a lot more built-in functions but ended up removing them in order to operate faster so a lot of the buttons and switches on it are just vestigial leftovers. (The idea of the arm crank being able to function as a hand-crank motor in a pinch is really funny though. Spin it a few times when P03 is out of power and you can generate just enough battery for it to tell you to fuck off then go back into sleep mode again).
I have no idea how the levitation works either. It’s cool and that’s why it works. No need to get more complicated than that.
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builtbybrokenbells · 7 months
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Gold Dust Woman | x
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Fear of vulnerability becomes obsolete as y/n manages to conquer it once more.
Read part nine here
Listen while reading: Black Magic Woman - Santana or Fleetwood Mac version
Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader
Word Count: 12.8k
Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), praise, dirty talk, shower sex, biting (slightly), touch of body worship, swearing, drinking, angst, long emotional talks, feelings of insecurity/inferiority, sorry if I miss any!
hello everyone!! posting this as a birthday gift to myself bc i finally managed to finish it!! thanks for participating in the poll and for all the lovely messages I’ve been receiving. I really hope you like this chapter and please feel free to share your thoughts in my inbox 🫶🏻 as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!! (this is also v lightly edited, my apologies 😁)
Moonlight poured in through the large panel windows casting a luminous white glow over the entirety of the room. All other forms of light were off, leaving you relying only on the night to bless you with vision. Your Gold Top was sat in your lap, odd notes ringing through the air when you felt enough energy to pluck the strings. Your pedalboard was sat by your foot, allowing you easy access to it while you sat lazily facing the door in the only armchair the room offered. Your journal was sat atop the table next to you, open to a page of scribbles and various words, none making a bit of sense. Beside it, a crystal clear glass shimmered under the glow of the moon, housing your pick of poison for the night. The ice inside was causing drips of condensation to fall down on the wood below it, tempting you further the longer you looked at it.
You had one leg draped over the side of the chair as you sat on an angle, cradling your guitar in the other. All sense of creativity seemed to have gone, leaving you feeling like you were failing at your only talent. You kicked off the distortion pedal, sick of the same grungy tone you used so often. You strummed a few chords on the clean setting, cocking your head to the side as the sound filled your ears. “There it is,” you whispered, content with the sound and finally finding the motivation to play something worthwhile. You slid your fingers up the fretboard, landing midway between the body and the head. You closed your eyes, using only your memory to guide you. You plucked away at the intro, lowering your foot on the wah pedal just to add a touch of mystique to the sound.
“Got a black magic woman,
Got a black magic woman,
I’ve got a black magic woman
Got me so blind, I can’t see.” You echoed the tune like an anthem, finally feeling the defeat in your heart flowing away.
“That she’s a black magic woman,
She’s tryin’ to make the devil out of me.” You muted the strings, seeming like the song was put to a stop, only to jump in again with the next line.
“Don’t turn your back on me baby,
Don’t turn your back on me baby,
Yes, don’t turn your back on me, baby
Stop messing round with your tricks,
Don’t turn your back on me baby,
You might just pick up my magic sticks.” You let out a sigh of content, kicking on some light distortion and leading yourself into the solo with ease. You let your head fall back on the chair, eyes screwed shut in concentration as your fingers danced over the strings. As you finished, you let out a breath you had been holding for quite some time, feeling your head spin slightly. Of course, the alcohol was more to blame, but you were never willing to admit to your own intoxication.
You continued singing, the low pitched melody settling in your chest the way music should; filling any emptiness and replacing any discontent. You sang yourself through to the end of the song, taking in a breath so you could sing the last line.
“I need you so bad, magic woman, I can’t leave you alone.” The voice startled you, as did the flash of fluorescent hallway lights that flooded your room. You looked to the door, a laugh on your lips as you noticed the intruder.
“Sing it again, baby.” You said, leading him back into the last line for a moment of sweetness. He took a few steps towards you, a smile growing as he approached.
“I need you so bad, magic woman, I just can’t leave you alone.” He sang, slow and gentle, but impactful and with clear intent. You plucked the last few notes, letting the final one ring until it faded on its own. “Santana?” He asked.
“Y/n, actually.” You corrected, knowing that no interaction with Sam would be complete without at least a little bit of teasing. “And if you’re referring to the song, it’s Peter Green. Shouldn’t you know that, rockstar?”
“Sorry, slipped my mind.” He chuckled, looking around your room with curiosity.
“I’ll forgive and forget, just because you put on such a good show.” You said, leaning forward and switching off the power to your amp. “Minus a point for showing up without an invitation.”
“Your door was open. Thought that was enough of an invitation.” He raised an eyebrow, challenging you. You gave a shrug, placing your guitar back in its case.
“Got me there.” You conceded, both of you knowing that you were only joking with him anyway. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Just thought I’d visit. Haven’t seen much of you lately. I miss you.” His transparency was haunting, mostly due to the reasoning behind your sudden absence. Your withdrawal had everything to do with his brother and the profound connection you had felt with him the night you had made your confession of love. Since then, you found it difficult to look Sam in the eye. Despite it feeling so right at the time, you held guilt for having to choose which brother to proclaim love to first. More than that, you felt guilt because it was not Sam who came out on top.
Although guilty, you did not hold any remorse or regret for what unfolded that night in your hotel room. You loved Jake, and you were incredibly relieved to have finally spoken it aloud. You had no desire to withdraw the confession, because it was the truth. But as you had learned, especially when it came to loving the brothers, the truth hurt and sometimes it hurt excruciatingly bad. You knew that you could love Jake and feel bad for shunning Sam all the same, and despite many beliefs, you absolutely can love two people at once. Not only were you struggling with the idea of opening your soul to Jake, you were also struggling with sadness at the thought of pushing Sam away when you so desperately wanted to do the same with him.
So, in short, you had found yourself in yet another cycle of self-punishment for the things that you could not control. You could not control the love you had for Jake, and you could not control the love you had for his brother. Instead of finding the courage to confess to Sam, too, you had locked yourself away in hopes that you would never have to face the harrowing truth of your own complicated emotions. “I miss you too, Sammy.” You replied, turning your head to watch as he took a seat on the edge of your bed.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” He asked, his question loaded and his tone soft. How could you begin to explain without inviting him to ask all of the questions you did not want to answer? You reached for the whiskey glass calling to you, taking a sip of liquid courage before trying to conjure a response.
“So much to say, so little time.” You muttered, clasping the cold glass between both of your hands. The shock of the chill seemed to regulate your brain as it swirled with aimless thoughts and worries.
“I have all night.” He assured you. “Should I close the door?”
“You don’t want the world to know about our dirty laundry?” You smirked, sipping back more of the beverage in your hand. “I’m sure they’d get some good entertainment from it.” He let out a low chuckle as he stood to close the door of the room, locking out any intruders and locking in any confessions. There was nothing inside now but the sound of your sorrow, and the weight of the unspoken love that you couldn’t seem to fess up to. He returned to the bed, the moonlight cascading upon him like a cloak of protection. Unfortunately, not even the comfort of the moon could lessen the pain in your hearts. He could feel the weight of your troubled soul before he ever stepped foot inside the room, and the only thing he could hope was that it did not come from your desire to leave him.
“I saw you and Jake leave the bar that night.” He stated, his words echoing off the walls and striking you with every rebound. You chose to keep your chair pointed away from him in hopes that you could keep your composure. Everything always seemed infinitely harder when you were looking into his eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about your brother.” You said, tone flat and setting a firm boundary. “I want to talk about you.”
“The floor is yours, princess.” He said, inviting anything and everything more than what you were giving him, even if it turned volatile. You ran your fingers over the fabric of your jeans, racking your brain for the best way to begin the conversation.
“We’ve been doing this for a while now, Sam. I think it’s time that we start thinking about the future.” You explained, stomach sick at the thought of tomorrow. “I feel like I’ve been blindly trusting that time will make things easier, but it’s only made it harder. I’m starting to believe that this won’t end until it kills us.”
“Do you want to end this?” He asked, but aimed to keep his inquiry vague in hopes that he would not be met with a devastating response.
“It has to eventually, right?” You scoffed. “I mean, we can’t keep going through life when all we’re doing is hurting each other.”
“I don’t think we’ve only been hurting each other,” his rebuttal was soft. “It certainly hasn’t been easy, but I’m incredibly grateful for the time I get to spend with you.” His words warmed your heart, sending a rush of joy through you despite feeling like you did not deserve it.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” He assured you, wishing that you would turn around so he could see your face.
“I…” you had no idea what to ask first, previously believing that your instincts would guide you through the difficult conversation, but your instincts had never been kind to you before. After all, they were the exact reason you were in the situation you had been struggling with so much. “I need to know the truth. It’s time I asked you everything we’ve been running away from.”
“Whatever you want to know, baby.”
“All those months ago… did you ever notice me?”
“Notice you?” He wanted clarification, unsure of what exactly you were referring to.
“Yeah,” you cleared your throat, trying to rid yourself from the crackle of fear in your voice. You needed to know, but you were unsure if you wanted to. “Before… before Jake. I want to know if you noticed me, or if you saw how much I noticed you.”
“Of course I did, y/n.” He defended, trying to comprehend the thought of you not knowing how much he cared.
“I just… fuck!” You exclaimed in no more than a whisper. You ran your hand through your hair, pulling at the strands in hopes that the proper words would come to you. You knew the longer you deliberated your questions, the more confusing they would become. “Then why did you never say anything! Why did you let me sit there and hope that you wanted me, too?”
“I… I don’t know.” He muttered, ashamed that he couldn’t give you a better answer.
“It’s time to know, Sam! Because I need to know, and if you can’t give me any reason to believe you’re not lying, I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I sat there every night praying that you would come and talk to me, or that maybe you would just look in my direction and notice how much I cared about you. You can’t tell me that you didn’t know I loved you, because it’s been painfully obvious since the minute I met you.” You stopped yourself to take another sip from your drink, hoping that the burn would distract you from your breaking heart, but it was just another shot to fill the void that only ever seemed to grow larger. “It only ever seemed like you wanted me when you were scared of someone else having me.”
“That’s not true,” he shook his head, horrified that you would ever think that. “I know I was stupid, and I wish I could make up for the mistakes I made, but I know that they’re always going to hurt you no matter what I do. I can’t take it away, even if I wanted to!”
“Jesus Christ, Sam. The door is closed, the lights are off, you can stop acting! I’m sick of the ‘I dont knows’ and the ‘I’m sorrys’. Why did I only ever exist to you when Jake came into the picture? I didn’t exist when other girls were hanging off your arm, or when there was someone better to talk to, so if your interest in me is more than just a pissing contest with your brother, I need to know!” You exploded, your chest feeling like it was going to explode. You wanted to turn around, to face him while you spat your accusations to at least see if he appeared guilty, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. You knew the minute you saw him, nothing would matter anymore. It was the way your relationship worked; all other issues seemed obsolete when in his company. The beauty of him seemed to outshine any pain, and the comfort that surrounded him was always greater than any turmoil you could imagine. If you were going to get a confession, you would only have the power to do it as long as he wasn’t looking into your eyes.
“More than a pissing contest?” He reiterated your comment, baffled at the lack of understanding you had for him. “Is that what you think this is?”
“What else am I supposed to think, Sam?”
“You’re supposed to know how much you mean to me. You’re supposed to know that after three months of dates and playing house, you mean more to me than bragging rights!” His tone was strong, clearly bothered by your unwillingness to see him as he was. “I’m not falling in love with you for some ulterior motive. I’m not hurting over this because I think it’s fun to play with everyones feelings.” He said, the strain of emotion heavy on his shoulders. “I noticed you, y/n. You just didn’t care to see it, because you’re so fucking afraid of being in love that it changed the way you view the world.”
“That’s not fair,” you snapped, matching his temper with ease. Your fear of love was not an insult to be thrown, and you wanted to make that perfectly clear.
“It is fair, because it’s true. You asked, and I’m answering, so sit there and be quiet.” You wanted to fight back, but you were too stunned at the tone of voice he was speaking in. Sam had never been anything other than gentle with you, and it was shocking to hear anything close to anger in his words. “I noticed. I see you, y/n, even when you won’t let yourself believe that I do. I thought that I showed you over the last few months, but I’m okay with telling you, too. You don’t have to answer, or tell me if I’m right, because I already know that I am.” You furrowed your eyebrows, unsure of what he was getting at. You only had to be confused for a moment before he began again. “Right now, you have a ring on your middle finger. It only has one stone, and it’s a moonstone. It’s a little cloudy, and sometimes when the light hits it, it looks blue. I thought it was an opal, but when I asked, you told me it was a moonstone. I don’t really know what those are, and I had never heard of them before you told me, but I love them, because now they remind me of you. You wear that ring every day, y/n. I’ve never seen you without it.” You looked down at your hand, eyes drifting over your middle finger. You stomach churned with regret as the stone glistened in the pale light from the moon. He was right, and in your time of knowing him, you had never taken it off.
“You have a speckle of brown in your left eye. It’s right under your pupil, and you can only notice it when you look closely, because from far away it just blends in. When you smile, there’s two little dimples in the corners of your mouth. When you’re nervous, you play with your hair. You can’t play beer pong unless your partner is on your right, because you have this little superstition and you think it’s bad luck to play any other way. You’re always the last one to go to bed when we’re hanging out, and you claim it’s because you’re a night owl, but I know that it’s because you can’t sleep unless you make sure everybody else is taken care of. You hate beer. You’ve always been open about that, but it’s so bad that you won’t let us hug you if we’ve been drinking it because you can’t even stand the smell.”
He was right; every little thing he had listed was undeniably true, and the knowledge he collected extended far beyond the few weeks of intimacy you had shared.
“You love the moon, your biggest idol is Stevie Nicks, and you blush when you’re lying. You love to love people, but don’t know how to accept when people love you. You invite everyone to your house because you hate when it’s quiet, and cheap tequila makes you sick. You love the colour green so much that you thought about painting your entire house the same colour, and you think pizza is overrated.” He finished, feeling like he had made his point abundantly clear. “I know you, y/n, and I always have. You can be mad at the stupid decisions I’ve made, but you don’t get to say that I don’t notice you. I notice you so much that it’s hard to see anything else.”
“Why did you wait so long? If you cared so much, what were you so scared of?”
“Everything!” He exclaimed. “I was terrified, and I didn’t know how to get over that. I still don’t, but I’m trying.”
“Did Jake light that fire in you?”
“You lit that fire!” He stood, too passionate about the topic to remain staring at the back of your head. He placed his hand on the arm of your chair and spun it around so you could face him. “You said you didn’t want to talk about my brother, so why are you making it about him?”
“Because you made it seem like it was about him!” You snapped, looking up at him with fire in your eyes. “So you payed attention, but I didn’t catch your eye enough for you to make a move? You let someone else shoot their shot before you thought I was worth the energy! I was in love with you for years, and nobody else ever compared to you. If you asked, I would have given you the world. I would have killed myself just to keep you alive! You let girls flirt with you in my house while I sat there and waited for you like a fucking idiot!”
“What girls, y/n?” He was shouting now, both of you caught up in the moment and unwilling to back down. “What girls are you talking about, because I don’t seem to recall it the way you do!” You recoiled at the strength of his words. “The girls that I had conversations with, but barely ever remembered their names? Maybe had an arm around every now and then? I’m sorry if you perceived it differently, but I was not flirting with them, and not once did I ever take anyone home! If you wanted to, you would have realized that I was giving you the exact same treatment, and my brothers, too! I wasn’t flirting, and I wasn’t with a single girl after I met you. That is the truth, even if you don’t want to believe it!” Your stomach sank, the malice fleeing your body and guilt rolling in to replace it.
Your love for him had skewed your perception of the situation, and now that he was laying it all on the table, he was correct. Looking back on the past without the pessimism and confusion clouding your judgement, he had never once touched nor talked to another girl in the way he did with you in the recent weeks. Back then, when he had a moment of seclusion with you, he acted the very same way as he did with the girls at your parties. You never saw Sam leave with a girl in tow, and you had never found a girl scrambling from your spare bedroom early in the morning before anyone else was awake. He was breaking down your previous notions about your relationship and reconstructing them with pillars of truth. You were the master at overthinking, and the queen of oblivion. The memories seemed to flood back into your brain with more clarity than ever before.
“What are you doing sitting all by yourself?” The sweet tone broke you from any internal brooding, immediately reigning importance over any other thought of the night. You looked up from your drink, the boom of music from the speakers beside you not even loud enough to overtake the beautiful sound of his voice. Your eyes landed on Sam, who was smiling down at you with tipsiness engraved in his features.
“Waiting for you to come and talk to me,” you joked, but the truth underneath the surface was painfully obvious.
“Why wait? You could’ve came and found me.” He grinned, eyes glistening with joy at the thought of you wanting to talk to him.
“I like to be chased, not do the chasing.” You giggled, hoping he would pick up on your humour.
“If that’s the case, I’d be happy to chase you.” He took a seat beside you on the couch, not caring about intruding nor asking permission.
“You don’t have anything better to do?” You said, nervous at the closeness of his body. His leg was practically resting on yours, and you had to bargain with the idea that he chose to sit so close despite the entirely vacant couch.
“When it comes to you? Never.”
You thought you were going to be sick, the rush of blood from your head making you feel woozy and the thud of your heart against your ribs growing more aggressive by the second.
“Hey, you better not be playing beer pong without me!” A voice called from behind you as you walked by with two ping pong balls in hand. Your head snapped towards the source of the sound, gaze immediately landing upon the youngest Kiszka brother. He was standing next to a blonde who seemed enthralled in his every move, but he wasn’t looking at anything but you. “Thought we were partners for life?”
“Better hurry if you want to join.” You sing-songed as you continued walking towards the fold out table, knowing that he likely wouldn’t want to leave his conversation to accompany you. You didn’t make it a point to stare, but had you waited a second longer before turning away, you would have noticed Sam ditch his company without as much as a second glance.
You let your head fall back on the chair, feeling the scratch of tears in your throat and your heart begin to ache.
Slumped over in the kitchen chair, you let your head rest on the table in hopes that the cool wood would satiate the ache in your skull. You couldn’t even seem to find the energy to get up for a glass of water and an Advil. Even if you did, the painkillers wouldn’t take away the hurt in your heart. You had drank your way through the last of your liquor the previous night until it guided you to sleep. By the end of the bottle, you still hadn’t seemed to forget the sight of Sam laughing with the pretty brunette your coworker had brought to the party with her. All other memories? Well, they were obsolete. In comparison, even if you were able to remember the rest of the night, no memory would be nearly as daunting as the one of Sam smiling down at another girl.
“Good morning, sunshine.” The words accompanied footsteps, and had you not recognized the voice so well, you wouldn’t have bothered to look up.
“Morning, Sammy.” You squinted as your eyes tried to adjust to the brightness.
“Headache?” He asked, moving towards the cupboard on top of the fridge. He didn’t need to ask to know; you always had a headache when you were hungover, and you had nursed a bottle of cheap tequila until the bitter end. In truth, he was expecting to find you in a much worse state.
“Mhm,” you mustered the noise in lieu of a verbal response, hoping that it would be easier on your migraine. Sam closed the cabinet after retrieving what he intended to grab. He moved to the sink, filling a glass with water and setting it beside you. He took a seat in a chair, accompanying you in hopes that it might make you feel better. When you looked towards the two pills he sat on the table, you gave him a small smile of thanks. You took them, feeling better at the idea of relief alone.
“Where’s your company?” You asked, hoping to seem nonchalant with the comment. He furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of who you referring to.
“Right here?” He replied, motioning to you.
“No,” you chuckled. “The girl from last night. You two seemed to hit it off, thought maybe it would go somewhere.” He appeared to be racking his brain to recall the girl in question. After a moment, his eyes lit up with clarity.
“Oh, no. I don’t even think I caught her name. After I helped you out, I just went to bed.”
“Helped me out?” You questioned.
“You don’t remember?” You shook your head, anxiety creeping into your chest as you waited for him to elaborate. “You were pretty drunk, and you seemed upset, so I thought I’d check in on you. You were sick for a while, so I stayed with you until you felt good enough to go to sleep. Brought you upstairs to help you to bed, and we ended up talking for a while.”
“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” You groaned “did I say anything stupid?”
“No,” he smiled, recalling the memory “it was nice, actually. I mean, you were upset and cried for a little while, but you wouldn’t tell me why. Once you calmed down, we laughed about it and you asked if I would stay until you fell asleep. Think we listened to the same record for an hour before you started to doze off.”
“Was it a good one at least?”
“It was a great one,” he nodded, but he only enjoyed it so much because you loved it, and if he had to admit, It was his new favourite album, mostly because you had fallen asleep in his arms to it. He decided to keep that memory to himself, locked away in the back of his mind for safe keeping. He didn’t want you to feel embarrassed about it, and he was too scared to admit that he enjoyed it.
“Thanks,” you felt your cheeks tinge red.
“My pleasure.” He assured you.
“I’m sorry if I ruined your chances with her. She seemed nice.” You felt the need to apologize despite your elation at the knowledge he had spent the remainder of his night with you. You wished you could remember what it felt like to be in seclusion with him, desperate to know what intimacy felt like at the hands of Sam Kiszka.
“Oh, no, no need to apologize. I’m always happy to help you out, y/n. Besides, I’m not looking for anything like that, anyway.” He said, reaching out to place a gentle hand on your arm to reassure you he meant what he said. Your stomach burned with desire for him, but your head was screaming at you to remember the picture of him laughing with the nameless girl. Instead of realizing that you were both feeling the same way about each other, you allowed yourself to hurt over the thought of him showing interest in another girl, when in reality his interest was only in you.
“Oh my god, Sam.” You put your head in your hands, desperate to rid yourself of the remorse that was eating you alive. The memories were endless, pouring in with no intent to slow. You had been foolish, equating your lack of intimacy with him to a lack of interest. He did care, and he cared more than you ever realized. You were so afraid of falling that you failed to understand that he had fallen just as hard, terrified of the same fate. “I’m so sorry.” You muttered, trying to control the wavering of your voice. Tears were stinging your eyes, the reality harrowing and the darkness of the night matching the feeling in your heart. He loved you the same as you loved him, but you were both too foolish to find enough courage to open your souls to each other.
“Do you get it now?” He attempted to mask his own hurt, but it was crystal clear. The weight of it was settled on both of you, making it impossible to think of anything else. “I cared, y/n, but you never wanted to see it. You didn’t know how to let me care about you, so you convinced yourself that I didn’t. We were both scared, and we both made mistakes. Don’t paint me as the devil when you were doing just the same.” He took a seat again, defeated from his own confession. “I haven’t been pointing fingers at you for falling for Jake, and I feel like that is just as criminal as anything I’ve done.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because I’m terrified! I always have been, and you never said anything either, so I had myself convinced that I was imagining something that wasn’t really there!” He said, looking up to meet your eyes. His sin was heavy in his gaze, as was yours. “I hurt the only person I’ve ever fallen in love with, and the world hasn’t forgiven me since. I haven’t even forgiven me.”
“Talk to me, Sammy.” You held his stare, eyes burning into his soul. “Tell me, so I can understand.” He debated the choice, knowing that if he opened up to you, you would see every part of him, good and bad. If he didn’t, he would lose you indefinitely, and there would only be him to blame for letting you walk out the door. After a moment of silence, he took a breath before divulging into the story he’d tried so hard to bury forever.
“It’s strange, you know. It feels like we’ve been cursed for life, and I’m not sure what we ever did to deserve it.” He started, the first blow striking the wall in hopes of breaking it down. “No matter how hard we avoid it, Jake and I always seem to find ourselves in the same situation. Every single girl I’ve ever fallen for has fallen for him, too, and vice versa. It’s horrible knowing that no matter what, we only ever get to enjoy love for a moment. When we were younger, I think we were stupid and cocky. We saw it as a game, which is horrible.” You nodded along, hoping to encourage him to keep talking. “When we went on tour for the first time, it was so surreal. I mean, we were still kids, y/n, barely grown and travelling the world.” He laughed at the memory, finding it mind blowing to recall.
“We snuck into a bar one night. Well, Danny and I did. Jake and Josh were barely old enough to get in, and we managed to scrape by. Turns out, the bar wasn’t very hard to get into, because it looked like it was crawling with high school students.” He found another chuckle amidst the pain of honesty. “I met a girl about a year or two older than me. She was fantastic, and we ended up talking all night. So much that when they were closing up the place, they had to kick us out. We texted back and fourth, got to know each other, and then seemed to be on the phone constantly. Eventually, we got fed up and she flew out to travel with us for a little while. Things were really good, and she took breaks from travelling with us to go home for a while. When a situation is good, it gets comfortable, and when you’re that young and your life is all over the place like mine was, comfortable is the same as boring in your mind.”
“I got drunk and hooked up with another girl while she was travelling with me. It was my fault, and I’ll never try and say otherwise. I hurt her, and I still feel guilty about it. She was the first person I fell in love with, even if I was young and didn’t really know what love meant. After we fought, she ended up in Jake’s bed. It killed me, even if I did deserve it. Jake and I fought like never before, and I don’t think we ever really recovered from it. Since then, I guess we always let the pattern repeat instead of putting an end to it. I think we both feel like there’s no point in trying to avoid it, because it’s inevitable anyway.”
“I’m sorry, Sam.” Even though you knew the story, it seemed to hit so much harder when you could see the emotion in his face.
“I don’t want sympathy, y/n. I deserved what I got, and I know that. Pain doesn’t make someone innocent.” You nodded, understanding completely what he was saying. “When I fell for you, I fell so fast and hard that it nearly shattered my soul. I was scared because of how much I cared about you, but I was even more scared that he would steal you away. It’s not a good excuse, and it never has been, but it’s the truth. I thought if I kept how I felt hidden, I could enjoy you more, because then I wouldn’t have to watch you fall in love with Jake. I could see he felt the same way for you that I did. It may not have been obvious to everyone, but it was to me. I didn’t want to compete for you, but it looks like we ended up here, anyway.” He ran a hand through his hair, feeling disgusted at how the predicament continued to repeat itself.
“So yeah, when Jake made a move on you it certainly made me realize how much I could lose, but I didn’t pursue you solely because I didn’t want him to have you. That would be disgusting, and I might not be perfect, but I would never put you through that.”
“I wish… I wish we could have said something sooner. It would have made everything so much easier.” You whispered, aching to reach out and touch him. He looked up from the floor, eyes settling on your face as a sad smile crossed his lips.
“Maybe, but I doubt it. Jake wouldn’t have let you go without a fight, and I don’t blame him. You’re worth all of the pain, and I’d go through it a million times if it meant I could be with you, even just for a little while.” He said, holding your gaze. “I fell in love with that girl, and I fucked it up. Y/n, how I feel for you is far beyond anything I have ever felt for her. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much, but I do. I love you, but I am terrified of hurting you. I learned lessons that sucked, and I know I would never do that to you, but it scares me to know that I have the power to cause you any type of pain. The only thing I have ever wanted to do is love you, and no matter if it’s forever or only for a little while, I’m still beyond grateful that I got the chance.”
“You mean it?” Your words were barely loud enough to break through the silence, but he heard you. No matter where you were in the world, or how much distance between you, Sam would move heaven and earth to ensure someone was there to listen to you. Your voice was his favourite melody, the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. He was certain that he would never hear anything that compared, and he would certainly never search for it. He adored you, and he did not care solely because he wanted to stop Jake from having you. He cared because he did; there was no personal gain nor any hidden benefit. He loved you completely, and he loved you for you. The suffering, the heartache, and even the fear of losing was not enough to deter him from loving you, because it was the best thing he had ever experienced.
“I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life.” He refrained from reaching out to you, wondering if you would make the first move. He thought he had pushed you far enough with his words, and he didn’t want to scare you away. “I love you, y/n. Always have, and I always will. I will love you until you don’t want me to anymore, and I’ll keep loving you long after that, even if I have to keep it to myself.”
“I love you, Sam. I fell in love with you long before this started.” You breathed, feeling the weight of the world being lifted off your chest. It felt just as good to be honest with him as it did with Jake, but you had not laid the full truth on the table. “But I love him, too.”
“I know.” He said, unable to be upset at you for your honesty. “I just hope that in the end, you realize you love me a little bit more.” You gave him a sad smile, the sullen reply ripping your heart straight from your chest. “I know you can’t control what your heart wants, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed. If not, I’ll be happy as long as you are.” You were furious with yourself for not being able to end the suffering. Your greed was affecting everyone around you, and you couldn’t seem to find the courage to put a stop to it. You had so much history with Sam, and it seemed like the most logical option to be with him, especially considering your years of feelings for him. But logic had never been your friend, and it was a stranger when it came to the brothers. As much as you wanted to fall into Sam’s arms and be with him, you felt like you were stuck to the ground. You were not ready for that choice, and if you were to act impulsively, you couldn’t ensure you wouldn’t double back on your decision.
Worst, of all, you couldn’t stomach the thought of hurting Jake in that way. The conversation with Sam, the profession of love and all of the understanding was simple. So simple that it seemed too good to be true. The clarity you had gained from your discussion was incredible, and it seemed so much easier to confess your love to Sam. The fiery and emotional nature of your confession to Jake made your head spin when you thought about it for too long, and it was all but simple to talk about your feelings with him. But, you had come to learn that intimacy was not supposed to be easy, and by defaulting to loving Sam due to a lack of hardship was not fair to either boy. If you were to decide to love Sam based on simplicities, it would do nothing but make you a coward who could not find the gall to do hard things.
You sipped on your drink, desperate to find something to put your mind to rest. You both sat in silence, looking away from each other in hopes that the other would speak first. “Do you think that there’s another universe where we get to love each other more?” You finally broke the silence, looking up at him with a glimmer of hope in your eye.
“It’s impossible, because in every universe, I love you the same.” He gave you a sad smile. “Maybe there’s one where we can love each other easily.”
“I’d like to know what that one is like.” You felt tears threatening to spill onto your cheeks. “I bet it would be fantastic.” He gave a shrug, feeling a stab to his chest at the sight of the tears overflowing from your eyes.
“This one is too, princess. Loving you is fantastic, even if it’s not perfect.” You closed your eyes, feeling a sob fall from your lips. You wished you could go back in time and stop yourself from falling into the trap, to understand that despite your confidence, the situation was bound to be disastrous. But, at the same time, even if it was painful, loving them had been the most fun you had in your entire life. No matter which boy you picked, or even if you picked neither, you did not regret the time you spent with them. Going back and avoiding your mistakes may have saved you some hurt in the future, but it would have never taught you the lessons you needed to learn.
In your time spent with them, you learned that it was okay to open your heart enough to make room for another. You could finally realize that vulnerability was not the enemy, and intimacy was not as terrifying as you had previously thought. In fact, it was incredibly enjoyable when shared with the right person. You learned that you had the ability to love, and what it meant to love another wholly and completely. Better yet, you were shown that you could be loved, which was something you had never felt before in your entire life. You had always taken the stance of keeping people out for two reasons; the damage they could cause, and the damage they would find. By doing so, you failed to realize that people could introduce a lot more into your life than just pain, and your demons were not as threatening with two people standing guard. You did not regret the decision to love both brothers, even though you knew that the future was not as bright as the beginning. You were thankful to finally know what it felt like to be loved by another, and that they made your realize that you deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else.
“I think that I’m going to need some time to think about all of this.” You said, wiping your cheeks clean from the sadness. “Maybe take a step back, just to straighten out my head.”
“As long as I leave here tonight knowing that you know how much I care about, you can take as much time as you need. I just need to know that you understand, and I’ll wait forever for you if I have to.” He was tempted to hold you, to take the initiative and wipe the tears from your face in hopes of washing the pain away, too. It was hard to resist, but he wanted you to decide if you wanted it or not. He was not going to be the person to push you to love him, because in reality, it would do nothing but push you away.
“Can we… tomorrow?” You asked, not feeling like shutting him out immediately after such confessions. “I don’t want to be responsible, yet. I just want to enjoy this for a little while longer. I’m going to take some time, but I’ll start in the morning.”
“Are you sure?” He wanted clarification before jumping to action, needing to know that you were certain about your decision.
“We said I love you, Sam.” You managed a small laugh through the turmoil that was still ravaging your brain. “I think we’re allowed one night to enjoy it before we have to make any hard decisions.” He watched you for a moment, giving you ample opportunity to change your mind. When you showed no signs of regressing, he jumped from the bed with a new found burst of life. You barely had time to comprehend his sudden move before he was in front of you, reaching down and scooping you into his arms.
Despite the pain that was still thick in the air, you both found yourselves in a shriek of laughter. You wrapped your legs around him, cradling his face in your hands as he made sure you were secure in his grip. “Say it again.” His grin was blinding, making it hard to believe that there were tears in his eyes only moments before. “Please.”
“I love you, Sammy.” He let the words linger, revelling in the bliss before he pulled you into a kiss. It was messy, a show of desperation for each other after being deprived of it all night. It was the perfect show of the truth behind the saying ‘sometimes you don’t know what you’re missing until you’ve come across it’. You had lived your whole life without ever feeling love, romantic or otherwise, and now you were so full of it that you weren’t sure you could ever live without it. You had been so afraid of something that felt so good, even within its own repercussions. You knew you would even miss the bad that came along with it if you were ever deprived of love again.
“I love you,” he mumbled, barely taking the time to part from the kiss. “I love you,” he said again, his smile growing every time he spoke. “I love you so much, y/n.” You thought you would be able to live off the euphoria of being loved by him forever. You leaned forward for another kiss, laughing as you did so. The moment of childish glee was beautiful, especially after the weight of the conversation. It did not take long for the passion from the moment to manifest itself into something larger, neediness increasingly radiating from both of you the longer you had access to each other.
He carefully stepped backwards, lowering himself onto the mattress and gently settling you in his lap. When you were situated, you broke away for air. He took advantage of the opportunity and made a move to slip your shirt over your head. The sting of the air on your skin was a shock, but when his hands came back to you, you forgot the feeling almost instantly. As he brought his mouth back to your own, his fingers unhooked your bra. You dropped your arms from around his neck and let it fall to the floor with little care. He let his lips drift down your neck, gracing you with delicacy and adoration in the small movements. You let out a shaky breath as he worked his way downwards, pulling your nipple into his mouth to continue his physical show of love.
“God, Sam.” You breathed, the moment of physical intimacy amplifying the emotional intimacy you had divulged in. The feeling of his tongue on your skin was intoxicating, his touch similar to that of a wicked entity. The only thing that reminded you that it truly was Sam behind your pleasure was the familiarity of his hands and the weight of your adoration for him. You despised that both brothers seemed to make you into a fool for them with ease, like it was not a struggle for them to hold complete power over you with a single glance. Their power had only grown stronger over the months, and it could only be accredited to you falling victim to love. It was almost funny, how you claimed harm at their hands, but seemed to be holding the gun and prompting the pull of the trigger.
Your hips moved down on him, desperate for any type of friction to relieve the growing ache between your legs. One of his hands dropped downwards, settling on your ass and holding you to him, his own need showing through the small action. You let out a hiss of pleasure as he gently sunk his teeth into your nipple, the surprise of his action adding to the sensation. He broke away from you, looking up at you with lust heavily clouding his gaze. You were both long overdue for more, and weren’t willing to wait any longer. You shuffled to your feet, unbuttoning your jeans and pulling them off in one swift motion. He let his eyes drift over your exposed skin, his breath caught in his throat as he tried to comprehend your beauty. He was practically feral at the sight, crazed at the thought of being able to see you in such a way, but he held himself back in hopes that you could make the night last as long as possible.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he said, catching your eye as he spewed out the compliment. You felt your cheeks heat red, a smile pulling on the corner of your lips as the words struck you like lightning. A compliment from Sam was worth the world and more, and you knew you could live off them for the rest of your life.
Everything about the brothers was so phenomenal that it made it hard to believe that they were real; you could not comprehend perfection taking form in a human body, but somehow the universe had managed it twice. You wanted to love them forever, to never know what it was like to be deprived of them, but you knew it was not plausible. It was time for you to grow up, to put a stop to the immature behaviour and finally begin to think first, rather than act. You had let the devil lead the way for far too long, and it was finally time to take back the power that you had willingly given away. The only way to stop the hurt was to stop the entanglement, and even if the idea of losing one or both of them hurt so badly, the decision was long overdue.
Then again, you would not be a Gold Dust Woman if not for your tendency to destroy yourself at the hands of your own desires. In true Gold fashion, you allowed the night to continue on even with the knowledge it would do nothing but make the choice even more difficult.
He stood, slipping his own shirt over his head. You felt the same skip in your heartbeat, the sight immediately taking your breath away. He noticed your reaction, unable to stop the smile from creeping onto his face. “You’re not so bad yourself,” you replied, hoping that he couldn’t sense the nervousness in your tone. Somehow even after months, he still seemed to make you nervous when in his presence. He took a step towards you, cupping your cheek in his hand as he pulled you in for another kiss. It was like an addiction for him, almost impossible to resist. “Shower?” You mumbled against his lips, the idea enticing him almost as much as it did for you.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” He asked, barely parted from you. You let out a giggle, walking away in the direction of the bathroom. He followed closely, not willing to let you get too far away.
You flicked the light on, immediately reaching into the shower and turning on the faucet. Within a few seconds, steam had already began accumulating in the air. Instead of waiting for you to get in, Sam’s hands slipped around your waist. You smiled at the familiar feeling, wishing you could exist within his touch until the end of time. Something about his hands on you gave you the relief you’d been so deeply craving, and not in a sexual sense. The gentleness always eluded to a future without suffering, and even if the momentary touch was the only time you felt that way, it was nice to finally have some peace amidst the chaos.
He pulled you into him, limiting you from stepping into the shower. You wanted to complain, to voice your excitement for the soothing warmth of the water, but being in his arms always triumphed. He leaned down, letting his lips drift over your shoulders and any exposed part of your neck. Your eyes closed, melting into him and willing to accept whatever he had in store for you. With great care, he guided you towards the countertop until your back gently connected with it. The cold shocked you, searing your skin with the unfamiliar temperature, but you didn’t have time to think much about it. Sam had firmly grabbed your hips, lifting you up and setting you down in one swift motion. He moved forward, settling between your legs so easily, like he belonged there without question.
He brought his lips back to your own, but only for a moment. He worked his way down your neck, to your shoulders and down your chest. Slowly, he sunk to his knees before you with his head nestled comfortably between your thighs. You bit down on your lip, silencing the gasp that you so badly wanted to let out. Your heart was racing, overly excited for what was to come next. His fingers were branding his name into you forever. You knew that when the sun rose in the sky, and you took your inevitable step away, your body would still be littered with Sam. It would be so overwhelmingly obvious that distance would not even begin to diminish the strength in which you needed him. In a moment of weakness and fear of the aching loneliness that was to come, you almost jumped into his arms forever. After the moment passed, you knew you could not discard Jake so easily, especially after the raw intimacy you had shared with him.
When Sam’s mouth connected with your cunt, rationality was no longer the leading thought in your head. Although the devil continued to push you further into Sam’s arm, another one was holding you tightly, pleading with you to stop. At first glance, it seemed to want to protect you from the downfall you were headed towards by allowing Sam access to you while feeling such turmoil. Then again, it would not be the devil if it had no ill intent, and it was not holding you back in fear of soothing broken hearts. The part of you leaning away from Sam was leaning directly into Jake, serially motivated by the desire you had for him and your fear of letting him go. As much as you wanted to fall in love with Sam forever, it was just not possible at the moment. As much as you craved to be with Jake, the time was not right. Which was exactly why time is what you needed, spent away from them and their ability to captivate you. The closer you were with them, the harder it was to resist the love they gave to you. Pain was guaranteed either way, but you had to chose the option that you believed would hurt the least.
But only after one more bad decision, of course.
“Fuck,” you panted, chest burning from the lack of air in your lungs. Sam was working hard, determined to prove a point with his tongue. You weren’t certain exactly what he was trying to prove, but he was doing it well. The steam in the air was thick, melt from the shower but some purely from the energy between you both. Your hand was in his hair, gripping at the roots and holding him to you. He hummed against you, pleased with your enjoyment. It seemed the more disheveled you became, the harder he worked to make it worse. “G-god, Sam. Please don’t stop.” You whined as your head fell backwards. Your eyes were squeezed shut, the burning in your belly almost unbearable.
He used his hands on your hips to pull you closer to the edge, tongue never faltering as he did so. He dropped his arm from the hold he had on you and added his fingers to you, slowly pumping them as he moved his mouth upwards to focus on your clit. The moans you were expelling were vulgar, painting the walls with every sin you already had, and continued to commit. You were so lost in pleasure that any thoughts of right and wrong had disintegrated into nothing. Everything was Sam; you felt like you were being consumed by him, his aura so powerful that you were crumbling into nothing. Dying would be an honour if it were at his hands, and you knew that the descent would be nothing but comfortable as long as you could feel his touch until the bitter end. “Sam,” you repeated, unsure if you could hold back your orgasm any longer. He curled his fingers upwards as he pumped them into you, a small encouragement for you to let go.
With the slight change in angle and the relentless speed of his tongue, your legs began to shake. Your muscled tensed, and you felt yourself clench against his fingers. With only last warning, so weak that it barely sounded over the putter of water against the shower floor, your climax washed over you. Your chest ached from the intensity, limbs begging you to relax, but you couldn’t seem to slow the ferocity of the moment. Your head was spinning, filling with thoughts of nothing but the boy between your legs. You were so filled with love for him that you thought your heart may explode. As you came down, sweat glistening on your skin and the pleasure settling into a dull tingle across your body, you finally managed to get a full breath into your lungs. As you did, Sam slowly tapered his pace to a stop, moving away from you to catch his own breath.
You released your hold on his hair, an apologetic look crossing your face for the strength in which you were holding it. He seemed unbothered at the action, eyes still closed in bliss as he ghosted kisses over your thighs. You let your hand fall to his cheek, appreciating him as he showed you the act of kindness. “Shower?” You asked, voice still airy from the intoxication of the orgasm. He let out a hum, too enthralled in you to care about a verbal answer. You managed a small giggle at his enamouring expression, but ultimately had to put a stop to his admiration. “We’ve wasted enough water, come on.” You said, ushering him to stand. He obliged, although not voluntarily. He helped you off the counter, pulling you into him for a moment as he placed a kiss on your head.
“You first,” he promoted, moving out of your way. You slid the glass door open, stepping under the droplets and immediately feeling the relaxing warmth. He followed suit, closing the door behind him. As you sat under the stream of water, he took the opportunity to have the moment of closeness he had been craving so badly. He wrapped his arms around you, hands settling on your lower stomach as he guided you into him. With your back against his chest and his hands on you, you felt unstoppable. The warm water alongside the memory of the orgasm only solidified the feeling. Sam made you feel like you were on top of the world, like nothing could ever hurt you. His love was like a cushion of protection, keeping you away from any harm as long as he was with you.
“I wish we could stay like this forever.” You said, leaning your head back to rest on him, too.
“We can, princess.” He reminded, the small seed of evil planting in your brain effortlessly. He would do whatever it took to keep you in his arms, and if it meant persuading, he was already thinking of a million reason as to why you should stay. “If that’s what you want, we can do that.”
“I know, and I do.” You said, but you didn’t have to finish the statement. He wasn’t ready to face any type of rejection, and you were not willing to dish it out. His hope, although blind by times, was the only thing giving him the will to keep going. “I love you.” You changed topics, hoping the blow would lessen by the sweet phrase. You wished you didn’t already have to use it as an apology, but being apologetic had been the only thing you knew how to do as of recent. You were always sorry for the pain you were inflicting, even if they knew that it was coming. You wondered why it was so common to hurt the ones you love the most, and if it was uncommon, why it was so simple for the three of you to do.
“I know, and I love you, too.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to your cheek. It was beautiful, how much he cared despite knowing how bad it hurt him. You turned your head to meet his mouth, the confession still hitting as hard as it did the first time. You could feel his erection against you; he was desperate for relief even if he was enjoying the sweetness of the moment. You pushed your hips back on him, also eager for the main event after such an emotional night. His grip tightened, enticed by the small movement. The kiss grew messy, both of you at a breaking point long before you ever got into the shower.
He spun you, pushing you against the wall with a new-found energy. Your upper half was flush with the cool tile, and he pulled your hips back to grant himself access to you. He lined himself up with your entrance, fingers digging into the skin of your hips as he pushed his own forward. You both let out a sigh of relief at the feeling, knowing that there were few things in the world that felt as good as it did. “God, you feel so fucking good.” He muttered, closing his eyes to focus only on the way you felt wrapped around him. The heat of the water only amplified every sensation, the steam filling your senses and your brains with the obscene energy that it had leeched from you both. You were feral for each other, uncaring of anything other than the sexual desire between you. The encounter was no longer a solidification of the vulnerability you had shared, but now a need that far outweighed any other that had previously existed.
Sam surpassed any normal person in terms of desire, and quickly manifested himself as one of the most important things to ever exist to you. The thought of being without him was excruciating, and the only thought worse than ones of death. “Harder, please.” You groaned, hands supporting yourself on the wall as he fucked into you. He obliged to the request with little hesitation, pulling you back on him as he thrusted forward. He snaked one hand to your hair, knotting it in his fist and pulling your head away from the wall. He leaned forward, letting his lips rest on your ear as he placed a small kiss to it.
“Does that feel good, princess?” He crooned, voice low and settling straight into your soul. You let out a moan, unable to verbally express the pleasure he was giving you. His grip in your hair tightened, snapping you back to reality for a moment.
“F-feels so good, Sammy.” You muttered, feeling another groan tear through your chest. He hummed against your ear, letting his teeth sink into your earlobe to show his enjoyment of the sounds you were making for him.
“Just want to make you feel good, baby.” His tone was husky, coated with lust and showcasing his desire. He turned your head to the side, just enough so he could capture you in a kiss. He continued moving his hips, never slowing his pace. You let a moan slip into his mouth, driving him further into the cloud of euphoria that was slowly engulfing him. He slipped his hand from your hip, wrapping it around you and settling his fingers between your legs. He began tracing slow circles on your already sensitive clit, making the feeling of every movement even more powerful. You pushed your hips back on him, not ashamed to show him your need for him. A growl came from deep in his chest as he parted from you, the small movement sending him into a frenzy.
He dropped his hand from your hair and used it to hold your hips in place as he began his frenzied attempt to drive you to an orgasm. He didn’t need to try very hard; the knot in your stomach was tightening with every second that passed. “Fuck,” you whined, the fire consuming every nerve in your body.
“Come on, sweet girl.” He encouraged. “Cum for me, baby.” His words hit you hard, the impact nearly stealing the air from your lungs and making your legs grow limp. His hands were holding you steady, making sure you were secure so you didn’t have to worry about anything but your pleasure. You let out another moan, desperation evident in the sound. He continued his relentless effort, moving his fingers faster and with more precision.
“Sam,” you breathed, feeling the pressure reach a peak. Your body tensed as your breath caught in your throat. You tried repeating his name, but it was a useless endeavour. No coherent thoughts were forming, and the only thing coming from your mouth was a slur of curses and moans. Your legs were shaking, weak as they struggled to hold your weight and your heart was erratic against your rib cage.
“That’s it, beautiful.” He coaxed you through, slowly tapering his pace. When your body relaxed and you gained strength to keep yourself upright, he slowed to a stop. “How was that?”
“S-so good,” you stuttered, heaving a heavy breath. He let out a chuckle, amused by your disarray as he pulled out of you. You managed a small groan of discontent at the loss of the feeling, but he ignored you. He gently spun you around so you were facing him, leaning in for a kiss. The gentle action was greatly appreciated; your body was still recovering from the excitement of the moment. His hands planted on your hips once more, but this time he lifted you. Instinctively, you wrapped your legs around him as your hands snaked around his neck. He pressed your back against the tile, the cold surface a shock, but you were too tired to care. He pressed his lips to yours once more as he lined himself up once again. When he was certain his grip on you was secure enough, he pulled you down on him. You lacked any self control, the feeling euphoric and the sound that came out of you matched the sensation.
“How’s that, Princess?” He hummed, resting his forehead on your own for a heightened sense of intimacy. “Is that better?”
“Mhm,” you nodded against him, tangling your fingers in his hair. You wanted to be as close to him as possible, but the barrier of your bodies was prohibiting what you needed to satisfy the desire. You felt like his being was too powerful; it was consuming you and leaving behind a shell of what you once were. Sometimes, especially in moments like the one you were sharing with him then, it felt like your sole purpose was to love Sam, or to be loved by him, but truth behind the thought was almost too much to bear. There was a part of you devoted to Sam, wanting nothing but to love him for the rest of time, but there was another part that felt the same about Jake. It was horrendous knowing that you could never love one fully without loving the other.
“Give me one more, baby.” He pleaded, fingers bruising the skin as he continued to pull your hips down on him. The request was simple to fulfill, and you knew that it would not take much for him to get what he wanted.
“If you cum with me,” you placed down your own term before an agreement.
“That’s what you want?” He questioned, trying to make it seem like your words did not bother him. In truth, he was struggling to hold himself back and your statement had only driven him closer to the edge.
“God, yes. Please, baby.” You whined, knowing that the longer he was inside you, the closer you were being pushed to insanity. He let out a low sigh, sent into a downward spiral at the sound of your desperation. He hoped he could hold off for long enough to make you cum, and you were hoping to hold off for long enough to please him. You were both hoping for something that meant nothing; the pleasure that was upon you both was too good to refute, and a climax was easier to attain than anything else.
Your mind was abuzz with the love you had for him, the intensity growing with the steady movement of his thrusts. You were delirious, body exhausted from the continuous pleasure and muscles aching from the strain. The water soothed only enough to keep you going, but Sam’s hands were what made you feel best. “I love you,” he whispered. You felt your stomach burn with desire as he voiced the same thought that had been so pressing all night. You knew you could never get sick of him saying it, and you knew you could listen to him say those three words and survive solely off the feeling it provided.
“I love you, Sam.” You groaned, the climax threatening to take hold. “I love you so much.” He pulled you down harder, his cock slamming against your cervix in a pleasurable type of pain. You let out a cry, the sudden sensation immediately sending you into a third orgasm. You were lost in euphoria, barely existing within the same realm anymore. You clenched around him, singing his name as if it was a hymn and he was the god you were praying to. From the sight of your descent alone, it send him over the edge with no mercy. He held you down on him, uttering curses as he spilled his release into you. By the time you both came down, you were breathless and seeing stars. You held each other close in hopes that you could make the moment last forever, but you knew that nothing this fantastic could ever last. The harrowing reality was just around the corner, and you had to understand that this was the last night you could spend with Sam before you had to make the final decision.
He loosened his grip on you, carefully letting you down to your feet and holding you steady in fear your legs might give out. You leaned into his chest, craving comfort after the chaos. You wanted for everything to be over, for the pain to stop and for the happy to last, but you knew that the hurt was only beginning and bound to stay for a while. You listened to his heartbeat as it slowed in his chest, soothed immediately by your touch. “Here,” he said, shifting so you could be fully under the stream of warm water. You let out a hum of satisfaction, the heat soothing any ache that was lingering. He looked around, grabbing a bottle of shampoo while you enjoyed the water. He lathered some in his hands and ushered you back towards him. You rested your back on his chest once more while he brought his hands to your hair, gently rubbing the shampoo into the roots.
You could have fallen asleep in his arms with how relaxing the feeling was. He was gentle, using great caution in fear he might pull on the strands the wrong way. When he was satisfied with his work, he helped you rinse the soap from your hair. He repeated his actions with the conditioner you had sitting on a shelf and held you until you found the energy to wash the rest of your body. He washed his own hair while you scrubbed away the filth of the sins you had partaken in, but the feeling of Sam could never really be washed away. You both finished the normal shower routine and sat in each others company for a moment before turning off the faucet.
When you got out, Sam found a towel on the rack by the sink. He wrapped you in one before worrying about himself, fearful that the temperature change might disturb you. With a small smile on your lips and love in your heart, you both returned to the bedroom with intent to sleep. “I’d like to stay, if that’s okay. If not, I understand.”
“Of course you can, Sammy.” You said, dropping your towel to the floor as you climbed in bed. “I can worry about everything else in the morning, but for now, I want you here with me.” He couldn’t hide the blinding smile he adorned at the sound of your statement. He climbed into bed, pulling you into his arms in one swift motion. You let out a giggle at his enthusiasm, but you knew that you were feeling the same way just from the thought of sleeping by his side.
“I don’t care who you pick, y/n.” He started, letting his fingers trace shapes into the soft skin of your back. “I hope it’s me, but I just want you to be happy. No matter what happens, I’m thankful that I got the chance to love you, even if it’s only for a little while.”
“I’m grateful for that, too.” You agreed, feeling his words settle into your chest and begin to make your heart ache. You closed your eyes, but your mind was far from asleep. You were dreading the morning because it signified separation and moving on, two things that you were far from ready to do. Even if it was the right choice, it did not mean it hurt any less. Same eyes were closed too, thinking about the same things that were disturbing you. Neither of you spoke about them, and neither of you seemed to curb the fear of loss.
It seemed like such a shame for so much love to be shared between the three of you, especially knowing that the end would be nothing but painful. It was a shame that your first experience with love would ultimately burn you and everyone caught in the crossfire. But, it seemed as though your biggest fear of all was not to love or to hurt, but rather the fear of never wanting to love again after the storm settled. For your entire life, you were horrified of vulnerability, and intimacy was the enemy. Now that you experienced it both so beautifully and profoundly, you were most afraid of never feeling it again. You were terrified of being the Gold Dust Woman from the story, rather than the one Jake viewed you as. Beautiful but empty, cold and distant, and always searching for a thrill, yet forever too scared to take the leap. You hoped that you could remain the person Jake had viewed you has when he gave the nickname, but you knew it was not the case. There was only one way to be a Gold Dust Woman, and it was not in any way he chose to perceive you. You had become all that you swore not to be, and there was no escape from it.
Love was no longer the cause of your downfall; in fact, it never really was. It had always been yourself, even if you chose to remain blind to the harsh reality. The problem found home within you, and this time, you had no one else left to blame.
Did she shatter your illusions of love?
Come on, did you really think I’d let Sam go down without a fight? ;)
TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld @gretavansara @jaketlove @laneygvf @freefallthoughts @psychedelicsprinkles @idontwannabeherenow @joshysgirl @sanguinebats @objectsinspvce @klarxtr @sinarainbows @jakesmustache @gvfpal @hellowgoodbye
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ariadnaes · 3 years
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╭﹒❍﹒𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖊𝖑 — a writeblr re-introduction.
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⋆˚﹆⟠﹒𝕮HRISTENING ! 
hi, my name’s aurora (aura / rora) and i use she/her pronouns! i was previously @winteranarchy on writeblr but i’ve decided to rebrand and reintroduce myself. my writing will be posted here on this blog and a list of my current projects can be found on this page, but i’ll also start being more active on my writing twitter @rorawrites. you can also find me at my main @warstorm which is my litblr where i post and reblog edits.  i’m a scorpio, slytherin, i/entj and vietnamese-australia. i’m a lover of literature and mythology as well as classical and fantasy novels and some of my favourite books include the night circus, the picture of dorian gray and perfume: the story of a murderer. please feel free to add me to any of your tag lists or chat with me through my inbox or dms, i’d love to get to know more you lovely people and get acquainted with your writing too !
projects and taglist below the cut.
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⋆˚﹅♡⃕﹒𝕿HE 𝖁ISION !
₀₁・𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐
— The first installment in the Iron Star Duology.
Crimson Falling is the story of tempests, of serpents and of saints. It is the story of blood and the tragic fates of the decadent and the cunning. After a night of hallucinated memories leading to their nemesis’ body found floating in the school’s lake, a group of seven students become ensnared within a plot to cover up what they believe to be blood upon their hands. They soon begin to realise that their academy is not what it seems upon the surface, as they begin to unearth the curious evils that lie within the institute and the secrets thought lost and buried alongside the dead heiress.
introduction (coming soon!) | wip page | wip tag
₀₂・𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚜
— The first installment in the Silver Sun Trilogy.
The court has descended into madness. In a land where daylight rises and cedes in a cycle of seven weeks, a kingdom has awoken at the first fall of sun to their beloved monarchs beheaded; murdered by their own son and heir to their throne. The crown now falls into the lap of the youngest prince, a boy who never planned to hold such great power and had no clue on how to keep it. Amidst the battle for his rightful throne, Prince Castiel must not only deal with the rebellion that his brother ignited and his sister’s mysterious disappearance but also travel to the ends of the land to find the last enchantress, the only one who can save his decaying soul, before the sun sets on the seventh week. In a land of deceit, ambition and betrayal; with only one crown to be claimed and a desperate, incumbent prince determined to keep it in the wake of his parent’s assassination, tensions have never be higher within the Court of Silver Suns.
introduction (coming soon!) | wip page | wip tag
₀₃・𝚕𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚢𝚙𝚛𝚞𝚜
— A short story retelling of Pygmalion and Galatea set in the Decadent Era and inspired by Frankenstein, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Perfume: the story of a murderer.
When a single drop of blood falls into a sea of foaming sapphire and azure hues, a monster of beautiful destruction is created. The Birth of Venus catalyses within its sweeping strokes, an even greater beauty that it beholds; but even from the same likeness of the goddess, the Mériadec portrait outshines its predecessor both in aestheticism and in gore. At an Italian gallery exhibit in the year 1817, French portrait painter, Pascal Mériadec, is challenged by scornful critics to commission a portrait more beautiful than Venus herself. With each brush of paint upon his canvas, Mériadec slowly begins to fall obsessively in love with the woman in the frame; spending every waking hour with the girl whom he has named Eglantine, the Lady of Cyprus. Filled with the desperate desire for the love he shared with Eglantine to be real, the artist would do anything in his power to bring her to life, even if it meant leaving death in his wake.
introduction (coming soon!) | wip page | wip tag
₀₄・𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚡
— The first installment in the Pantheon Duology.
A world basked in ivory and gold, painted with age old myth upon every surface; hides the flaws of a government whose corruption will cause the downfall of their people. Unbeknownst to the revelling and immoral power of the city, the seeds of rebellion have long since been planted, flowers now blooming in the cracked pavement where blood and tears have watered them. The House of Pollux, one organisation in a triumvirate of self-proclaimed saviours, has set their sights on overthrowing the government and fighting the rising discord that threatens the city. Seven abducted prodigies, stolen from homes that have never belonged to them and from names they will never remember, are tasked with the infiltration and assassination of their country’s leader. These gifted individuals who have grown where the light has not found them, have now come forth to reclaim the world that belongs to them and to save the country from the clutches of beautiful tyrants. And thus glorious mutiny arises, in the name of the Pantheon.
introduction (coming soon!) | wip page | wip tag
₀₅・𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑𝚢
— Standalone Novel (possibility of a prequel novella).
Eternity appears to be a rather long time for punishment, no matter how malicious the criminal was, however, in her liminal state drifting between immortality and mortality, the Empress didn't care, rather she loved it. The Duchess of the Netherworld floats between beautiful places, corrupting them with her presence, rendering victims mad only for her mere entertainment. And when she tires of her station, she finds herself a new arena for her twisted games, each time a new setting that she has only dreamt of in her eternal torture. She does not greet you as you are welcomed through the entrance of The Winter Anarchy; an opera house of such opulence and decadence so uncommon to mankind. The vestibules of hell embrace your tortured and devious soul and you are welcomed like the mad sinner that you are. You are not dead though, not quite yet at least. She has saved you from such a fate for now and you really ought to thank her for her ill intended grace. You are a puppet, merely here to play a game… her game. Win and you shall be graced with the eternal glory, freedom and power of beings such as she is but lose and you must pay the most treacherous price for every drop of unholy blood running through your veins.
introduction (coming soon!) | wip page | wip tag
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taglist. (tagging a few friends, mutuals and writeblrs that i admire. let me know if you would like to be added or removed from future taglists!) @vaelinor . @kalliopeian . @veiliza . @rapunzelle . @aeternve . @laythe . @xiyais . @queen-of-dust . @bintiskandar . @theheartbreakclub . @elizaabennet . @duskbourne . @ortolon . @sourrcandy . @atelierwriting . @sprigofbasil . @serpentarii . @herondalelucies . @thetragediies . @chuchoters . @parsel-tongue . @arkicts . @ikilledmyocs​ . @hiswraith​ . @oasis-of-you​
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Note
Hello! I've been writing as a hobby for many years (both fanfiction and original fiction) but I don't feel confident enough to sell my stories. However, I recently started to consider publishing them online for free. Do you have any advice on that? I usually write fantasy and horror/terror, in case it makes any difference. Thank you for this wonderful blog!
8 Tips for Publishing Fiction Online for Free
If you want to build both an audience and confidence in your writing, sharing your fiction on free fiction sharing sites is a great way to do that. Not only do you get used to having eyes on your writing, you can often get feedback that will help you improve your writing skills and grow as a writer.
Here are a few tips!
#1 Edit and Polish Your Work - Just because you’re publishing on a free fiction sharing site doesn’t mean you can skip making your story the best it can possibly be. Readers will still expect to see work that is polished and largely free of typos, errors, and formatting issues.
#2 Finish Before You Post - Unless you know, absolutely, you can trust yourself to finish an in-progress story, it’s usually better to make sure the story is finished before you post it. There are few things more disappointing to readers than getting invested in a story only to find it’s incomplete and then it never is completed.
#3 Choose the Right Site - There are loads of fiction sharing sites, plus you can always share your writing on your personal blog or website. But if you go with a fiction sharing site, make sure you take some time to familiarize yourself with what the site is like, any rules or requirements, and what kind of writing is most popular there.
#4 Know Your Metadata  - Most fiction sharing sites allow you to add tags, keywords, content ratings/warnings, and other vital information to your story. Learn what these are on the site you choose, or just generally if you share on your blog/website, and make sure you use them correctly. Tags, especially, can help readers find your story.
#5 Know Your Categories - Equally important is making sure you categorize (and sub-categorize if it’s an option) your story properly. Not only will this make it easier for readers to find your story, it will also ensure that readers aren’t disappointed by the genre/sub-genre/content.
#6 Reciprocation is Important! - While there are certainly non-writer readers who enjoy reading free fiction on fiction sites, many of the readers are writers who have also shared their fiction on the site. A great way to start building readers is to read and comment on other people’s stories in your genre, because if you like what they write, they will often be curious to see if they like what you write. And, if someone reads/comments on your story, check to see if they have stories posted and check one out. Not only might you find a new writer whose work you enjoy, you could potentially make a new writer friend and even a new reader.
#7 Don’t Engage with Negative Feedback - It’s impossible to please everyone and even fiction sharing sites can be prowled by trolls. If you get negative feedback, take a moment to consider whether it’s credible feedback (”I didn’t think the characters were well developed...”) or trollish complaint (”I thought this story sucked!”) If you feel the credible feedback truly applies--such as when it’s a feedback you’ve received more than once--use it to improve your writing in the future. Otherwise, if you feel it’s not helpful or if it’s just a troll being a troll, just ignore it. Never engage and don’t dwell on it.
#8 Don’t Over Promote - Once you have your story posted to a fiction sharing site, you may choose to let others know via your blog or social media. You can have fun promoting your story with an exciting blurb, cover, or mood board. Just make sure not to over promote it. Mention it too often and you’re liable to turn off followers of your blog or social media.
Best of luck as you begin this new endeavor!
Also: 12 Sites for Sharing Original Fiction
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Have a question? My inbox is always open, but make sure to check my FAQ and post master lists first to see if I’ve already answered a similar question. :)
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babyfrogz · 4 years
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PSA on Disability: Before you draw/write/otherwise create content of Kaz Brekker
Hi there! My name is Scooter and I am, among other things, disabled, a cane user and a fan of Six of Crows! With the announcement of the TV cast (!!!!) I figured we’d get some new fans with it and I thought I’d share some tips/things to keep in mind to make content of Kaz accurate with regards to mobility aids & disability. I love you guys but some things I’ve seen in the SoC tags made me lose brain cells lol
First I’d like to share a short video on how to properly use a cane, since... a surprising amount of people get this wrong?
youtube
Two major takeaways here:
A cane should reach the bottom of the hip, about crotch height. Any higher or lower reduces the effectiveness and can potentially cause further injury to the shoulder, elbow, etc.
When walking with a cane, you always hold it on the opposite side of the injured/weaker leg. I don’t think it’s ever said in the books which leg he broke, (personally I’m team left because ahaha I do that.mp4) but whichever you pick, the cane goes on the other side. When walking, if the injured leg is on the ground, so is the cane. Standing still, typically, the weight goes on the better leg and the cane is used for balance.
And some more notes, just from my experience with being disabled, using a cane and also consuming fan content:
Just.... for the love of everything do NOT be weird and fetishy about his disability/disabled characters in general. Didn’t think I’d have to write this one out, but if you spend enough time in the Grishaverse tags..... you see some shit. Stop It Please
A popular pose I’ve seen to draw Kaz in is with his cane in his hands/tucked under his arm/otherwise not on the ground. Not inherently an issue (unless... he’s walking...... literally what do you think it’s for you’re killing me here) but it just... doesn’t make a lot of sense? It’s not there for no reason. I feel like a lot of people, consciously or not, see his cane as a weapon first and a mobility aid second, and draw it as such. While Kaz weaponizing his cane is one of my favorite parts of the series, it’s important to keep in mind that drawing it swinging around without reason sets kind of a bummer tone for disabled people in this fanbase.
^ Plus the fact that canes made for actually bearing weight are pretty bulky, especially ones that are specially crafted with the ability to break bones. I think he tucks it under his arm in canon only once or twice, and still never for very long. I myself only ever hook my cane on my elbow when I need to use both hands, and only for about a minute or two at a time, during which I put my weight on my better leg.
Speaking of going without the cane: yes, it does happen. It doesn’t mean he’s less disabled or doesn’t need it. Remember that after being without his cane in the books, Kaz is shown to be fatigued and in pain. If you’re going to write him into a situation where he can’t take his cane going somewhere/to do something/whatever, don’t forget how it affects him.
One thing I love about the Six of Crows books is the little things about being disabled that I relate to on a VISCERAL level, which I attribute to the fact that Ms. Bardugo also knows what chronic pain and using a mobility aid is like. So in case you don’t know what it’s like, here’s a few things that will add a little bit of authenticity to your portrayal:
Stairs, and I absolutely can’t stress this enough, are the enemy. They suck they hurt and it’s so SO easy to accidentally stumble on. Which, you know, makes it that much funnier that Kaz has chosen to roost up three flights of them. (Side note: I can’t tell you the terrible things I would do to be able to read a fic where he has to begrudgingly bunk with Jesper because he can’t make it up to his own quarters on a particularly bad pain day. if anyone wants to write this please tag me I will literally love you forever) edit: my good buddy Jenn has written the fic in question and it’s pure gold please give it a read and uuhh like comment subscribe
It’s not very fun to be a cane user in the rain. Very slippery. 0/10 would prefer to not fall on my ass thank you. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON SNOW AND ICE
You don’t usually have anywhere to put a cane when you sit down or are otherwise occupied. Sure, you can hold onto it, but then you’re down a hand. Leaning it against something runs the risk of it falling down, which makes an INCREDIBLY LOUD NOISE and OFTEN HURTS TO BEND DOWN AND PICK UP AGAIN. life is pain
As mentioned above, when using a cane, you’re down a hand until you sit down again. (I’ve seen my fair share of fics where people forget Kaz doesn’t have three arms and have him do something that requires both hands while allegedly using his cane. do the math lol) You learn to make do with one (or ask for help but we all know how in character THAT is) but it’s still ANNOYINGGG
Maybe most importantly, don’t write him as the pitiful cripple. (Don’t put the word “cripple” in the mouths of characters you’re trying to portray as sympathetic, either. THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF) Kaz exists as a capable and badass AND disabled character, which is SUCH AN INCREDIBLE RARITY I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU!!! He clearly does not feel sorry for himself, so don’t you start doing it for him. (And if you write anything about magically healing his leg I will come to your house and whack your shins with my cane and make you reread the pages in CK where he shuts down that exact proposition, and I will make you read it over and over. don’t try me it will hurt) Yes, being disabled in a world built for abled people can be very frustrating, and it does carry a kind of grief with it. It’s okay to write him struggling, but please for the love of everything don’t make him pathetic.
Lastly, when in doubt: ASK! RESEARCH! (But mostly ask. Often times online resources on disability written by abled people, well intended as they are, come across as condescending. They’re good for factual information, but usually lack the actual experience of being disabled.) My inbox is always open for questions and I know I’m not the only cane user in the fanbase! (Please ask if questions are okay before asking a disabled person about their experiences, though!)
If you took the time to read all of this, thank you so much!!! I hope this post can become a good resource for creators, and if you’re also a cane user, feel free to add anything you think is worth sharing!
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nobody7102 · 5 years
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Nobody7102 Writing Master-List: Part 1
Note: THIS TUMBLR IS THE ONLY PLACE MY STORES/FICS WILL EVER BE! If you see my fics/stories on any other platform please report the user, I have not given/nor will I ever give my permission for my work to be published on any other platform
A/N: Let me know if you wanna be tagged, updated with stories whenever I post them
I can no longer add Fics to this master-list(I reached the limit of links you can have) please see Part 2 for any new/added fics! (My most recently updated master-lost will also always be pinned to my account)
PLEASE READ: As of 5/8/23 almost all of my links are working, there are still some that are shotty that I could get to work properly no matter how many times I redid the link
Master-List: Part 2(continued)
(7/28/22) EDIT: Fic writing is on hold at the moment but if you have any head cannon or blurb requests feel free to send/share them
My Request Rules:
I only write for x Reader
I do write 18+\NSFW(so if you want spicy stuff just ask)
Feel free to either send the requests to my inbox or DM me
This sounds bad but if I don’t feel comfortable writing your request, I will ignore it
_____________
* = Angst
<3 = Fluff
! = Spicy
# = Drabbles/Blurbs
Narnia
Believe me (Peter Pevensie x Reader)*
Avengers
Grey Hairs (Pepperony)<3
Spider-Man
The Spider-Man and Spinneret Master List (Tobey! Peter Parker)<3*
Late for the Love of my Life Master-List (All 3 Peters)<3*
Unless you Mean It (Andrew/tasm! Peter Parker x reader)* Part 2 <3*
I Don’t Hate You Master-List (Andrew/tasm! Peter Parker x Reader) <3*
Bucky Barnes
Play Along (Bucky x Reader)!
Joaquin Torres
Flying above the city <3 #
Daredevil
In Another Life Master-List (Foggy Nelson x Reader)*
Harry Potter (no longer writing)
Marauders Era
7th Year (headcannon)<3
Pregnant Jily (Headcannon)<3
Voltron (no longer writing)
Not Going Anywhere (Pidge Gunderson x Reader)<3
Pride and Prejudice (no longer writing)
Pride and Patience (lizzyXdarcy) <3
Breakdown of “Pride and Patience”
IT Chapter 2 (no longer writing)
Losers in Life (Stanley Uris x Reader, Platonic Losers club)*
We Are Here (Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader)<3*
Top Gun
Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw
NSFW Alphabet!
Unless You Are A Fool <3
Good Girl !#
Robert 'Bob' Floyd
NSFW Alphabet!
Being Bob's GF<3 #
The Killjoy (Bob x Reader)
Bad Day <3
It’s Okay *
Late Night/Early Morning Cuddles <3 #
Sneaking out your window <3 #
Lovesick <3#
Glass !#
NSFW Soft Bobby !#
Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin
NSFW Alphabet!
A Very Long Time !
Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazansky
How It Used To Be <3
Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell
NSFW Throughts! #
Formalities !#
Marks !#
Mickey ‘Fanboy’ Garcia
Trying for a baby <3 #
NSFW Thoughts ! #
NSFW Trying for a baby ! #
Cessna <3 #
Really? <3#
Finding out he’s married <3 #
They’ve got a pool <3# Part 2
Beg !#
Do you like it when I use Spanish? !#
Happy Birthday Amor <3
Outer Range
Rhett Abbott
NSFW Thoughts! #
Soft Thoughts <3 #
Our Song <3
Braided hair ! #
Hooliganism <3 #
Theatre Mom <3 #
Late Night/Early Morning Cuddles <3 #
NSFW Trying For a Baby ! #
Mummy <3 #
Siblings <3 #
Skunk <3 # Skunk Part 2
The Twins <3 #
The Kids #
Horny Toad <3 #
Interrupting !#
Bad Times At The El Royals
Miles Miller
Late Night/Early Morning Cuddles <3 #
Camaro <3 #
Sleepwalk <3 #
Purple <3 #
Little Benny <3 # Little Benny Part 2
NSFW Thoughts ! #
Spaghetti Sauce <3 #
Still? !#
Lake Tahoe <3#
Salem’s Lot
Ben Mears
You fainted <3 #
Dad Ben <3 #
Pregnancy Hcs <3 # Part 2
Cold House <3 #
Spicy Benny Boy !<3#
Jealous Ben <3 # part 2
Strip !#
Tomato’s <3#
Relax !<3#
Bathtub !#
Waiting <3 #
Set It Up
Charlie Young
Friends !#
Lingerie !#
Boobs !<3#
Bad day cheer up <3#
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p-artsypants · 4 years
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Longest Night (31)
Ao3 | FF.net
--
She awoke. The room was dim, and just the right amount of warm. Her throat felt dry and her limbs weak. She didn’t know if she had the energy to speak.
“Emilie?” A woman’s soft voice asked.
“Hmm?” She hummed back.
A hand fell on hers. “Good to see you awake. You’ve been asleep for a long time.”
“How…long?”
“Four years.”
She blinked more, trying to clear the haze on her mind.
“Shh, keep resting. You’re still very weak.”
“Where…?”
“We’re in Tibet, in the temple of the Guardians.”
“Temple…?”
The woman, now recognized as Gabriel’s secretary Nathalie, chuckled softly. “Go back to sleep. I’ll catch you up later.”
“Where’s…my husband? And Adrien?”
“Gabriel’s in Paris and…we’re not sure where Adrien is…that’s why Gabriel’s not here.”
Emilie pushed up on the mattress. “Adrien’s missing?! Why!?”
“Shh…” Nathalie pushed her back down by the shoulder. “Please Emilie, don’t strain yourself.”
“Well, I’m wide awake now, so you better get explaining!”
Nathalie rolled her eyes. “Will you relax if I do?”
“…Yes ma’am.”
“Alright…well. It started about a year after you fell asleep…”  
Everything happened in a whirlwind of action. Everyone wanted to know what was happening, and wanted to be a part of helping. The Gorilla got a police escort to the hospital, driving Alya and Gabriel, while Nino volunteered to stay behind and lock up. News vans followed the ambulance and car. Traffic stopped and pulled over as the cars zoomed through the city.
At the hospital, Marinette and Adrien were unloaded and rushed into surgery. Sabine, still transformed, and Tom were escorted to a private waiting room.
And then, silence.
All the rushing and shouting, it stopped.
Sabine stood in the room, trembling.
“I believe the phrase was ‘spots off’, darling.” Tom said softly.
“Hm? Oh, Spots Off.” The whirlwind pink disappeared just as it came, and Tikki appeared in front of her, barely staying afloat.  
“Madam Cheng?” She asked weakly.
“What is it, dear?”
“Um…I’m really hungry from the cure…do you have any cookies?”
Sabine gave her a sympathetic smile. “So you’re the little mouse that steals my cookies at night.”
Tikki smiled sheepishly.
“I don’t have any on me right now, but lets see what’s in this vending machine.”
Tikki settled for a bag of mini chocolate chip cookies and took her meal to eat on a chair.
Not much later, Gabriel, the Gorilla, and Alya were escorted into the room by a nurse.
“They got in alright?” Gabriel asked.
“Yes, they got right in. They didn’t even ask Tom and I for any medical information.”
“Ah, yes, that would be my doing.”
Tom and Sabine shared a look. “What do you mean?”
Gabriel thought for a second, then admitted, “I could have sworn I already told you, but perhaps in the rush of things, I forgot to mention it. I apologize. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I asked if you had packed up your medical files with your belongings?”
“Oh! Yes, you asked for Marinette’s!”
“Yes, this hospital has assembled a specific team of specialists to prepare for them. They studied the stream and have everything they need to get started right away.”
“Wow, that’s smart!” Commented Alya. “Was that your idea, Mr. Agreste?”
“I wish, but no. It was Dr. Ernest Boucher, an akuma victim who wanted to pay off his debt. We’ve taken care of everything. The bill is squared. You only have to worry about Marinette.”
Sabine let out a sob. “Thank you!”
Gabriel tried to smile, but it fell flat. “Don’t thank me yet. I’m not worthy of gratitude.”
At that, Tikki looked over to him, aware that she was exposed to the parents, but not really noticing it until now.
Alya knelt on the floor next to her chair. “Hi there, I’m Alya.” She introduced.
“Oh, I know.” Tikki said with a smile. “I’m well acquainted with you. So is Trixx.”
At the name, Trixx popped out of Alya’s shirt. “Heya Tik!”
“Hi Trixx!”
The fox floated down and joined Tikki on the chair. “Wayzz is with Nino and Pollen is with Chloe.”
“Nino should be here soon,” Alya provided. “He stayed behind to make sure everything was locked up at the bakery. Don’t want reporters getting in there after all.”
The door to the waiting room opened, a police officer entering. “Captain David Phillips,” he introduced with a bob of the head. “I’m in charge of security for your children during their stay here.”
Sabine breathed, another worry dissuaded. “Oh thank you!”
“Of course, Mrs. Cheng. There will be officers posted at each of their rooms. All staff working with them have already gone through background checks, and have been picked by Dr. Ernst Boucher to work on his team. If I may, I would like to write up a list of people with clearance to visit. My recommendation is that you keep the list short. It is likely the team won’t allow any guests besides immediate family in the beginning.”
“Right.”
He took out a notebook. “Of course, I have Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, and Gabriel Agreste on the list. Anyone else I should add?”
“Alya Cesaire and Nino Lahiffe,” Sabine stated. “And Roland and Gina Dupain.”
“Arthur Chevalier and Chloe Bourgeois.” Added Gabriel. “But not the mayor. I’d rather he stay away.”
The chief nodded, noting this all down. “Anyone else?”
“Oh! And Wang Fu.” Said Sabine.
“Alright. Anyone else?”
“Not at this time.”
“Alright. Just let me know if you need to edit the list. My men have strict instructions not to allow anyone in who does not have clearance. We are also keeping an eye out on both of your homes.”
“Thank you, Captain Phillips.”  
“My pleasure. I’ll leave you alone now.” And he left.
The Gorilla took a chair and gestured a thumb to the door, indicating he would wait outside.
“Thank you, Arthur.” Gabriel breathed.
Sabine collapsed into a chair next to Tikki, her hand resting on her face.
“Are you alright?” Tikki asked softly.
“I’m fine, dear. Just a little migraine.”
Tikki floated up and pressed her forehead to Sabine’s humming slightly. “Did that help?”
“Y-yes. It’s gone!”
Tikki smiled. “It’s not much, but I aid healing. You should give the earrings back to Marinette as soon as you can.”
“I was planning on it.”
Gabriel smirked at the conversation, and took a seat as well. There wasn’t much else to do but sit and wait. He took out his phone and checked his email. It wasn’t likely that he’d hear back from Nathalie on a constant basis. The Temple was out of cellular rage, and was still in the past as far as technology went. In order to send an email, she would have to hike down to the village. And that required her to be healed.
So it was to his great surprise that an email from Nathalie awaited him in his inbox.
Gabriel,
The Miraculous Guardians have been successful. I am writing this email on my first full hike down to the village with the monks. I’m feeling much better. Maybe the best I’ve felt in my life.
Emilie woke up yesterday evening. I told her a little bit of what’s happened while she’s been asleep. So far, she knows that you used the butterfly Miraculous to try to get a hold of the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous in order to wake her up. She fell back asleep after that. She doesn’t know Adrien was the Black Cat. She knows that Adrien is missing, but I didn’t get that far into the explanation. I also did not tell her that you are considered a villain in Paris.
She is very weak, but the guardians assure me that she’ll make a full recovery. It may be a few weeks still. I will stay with her until she is ready to go home.
On a more professional note, I would like to take some time off after this. Nothing against you or Emilie, but my heart is in a dangerous place in regards to you. I need some time to put aside my feelings. I will return to work with you eventually.
Please feel free to email me back. I will return to the village tomorrow, as I have been assured that it is good for my health.
I am eager to hear how things are going with the investigation of Marinette and Adrien.
Cordially,
Nathalie Sancoeur
A smile graced his face as relief flooded through him. Tears came to his eyes, but he blinked them away before anyone would notice.
Emilie was awake!
And Nathalie was better!
And now, just to wait for Adrien. And Marinette too, of course. But mostly Adrien.
Rereading the email, a sinking feeling settled on his stomach. How was he suppose to explain his actions to Emilie? He certainly couldn’t lie to make it seem less horrible than it was.
He was definitely regretting some of his desperation.
“Oh yes darling, I am a terrorist and our son was fighting day and night to defeat me. Because of my actions, Adrien was picked to be a hero, and subsequently got kidnapped and tortured. But he’s fine now.”
Yeah, that sounded like a sane man.
Dear Nathalie,
Thank you for emailing me so promptly. I’m overjoyed to hear that you are doing better and that Emilie is finally awake. Thank you for being brief with her about the situation. I would like to explain more of it to her in person. I believe she deserves to hear it from me at least.
I will approve your time off when the time comes. Take as long as you need, you’ve certainly earned it.
I must apologize, Nathalie. I know I took advantage of you. No other employee would have gone above and beyond the call of duty. You became ill because of my actions, and that’s something I can’t apologize enough for. Furthermore, I think it would be wise for us to part ways for a while. I know you have a special place in my heart as well, and that’s not fair to you with Emilie waking up. I desperately love my wife. And I love you too, but in a different way. As my colleague, my confident, my friend. Thank you for all you have done. For raising our son for us, for managing the company, for Mayura. All of it.
You are forever welcome in our home, whatever you choose to do.
What more, I know Adrien has high regards of you. And he will be missing you turning his recovery. That’s right, they’ve been found! Both Marinette and Adrien are in grave shape though. I’m writing this from the hospital. I’ll tell you everything later.
Enjoy Tibet.
Sincerely,
Gabriel
And he sent it.
What came next, who could tell? His emotions straddled somewhere in limbo between anxious and optimistic. Looking around to the various states of worry in the room, he decided he didn’t belong with them. So he stood, and walked out, not offering a word to anyone as to where he was going.
He wasn’t quite sure where that was either.
He passed Nino in the hall, who gave him a questioning look.
“Coffee,” he responded automatically, giving himself an excuse.
“I’ll come along.” Said the teenager, squashing his hopes to be alone.
But he didn’t blame Nino. He wouldn’t trust himself alone either. For a while, they walked in silence, riding the elevator down to the first floor without a word.
It was evening now, dinner time for most folks. But neither Gabriel or Nino found themselves to be hungry in any capacity. There was a small cafe within the food court open, with a short line. The men stood next to each other, lost in their own thoughts.
“Your arm healed with the cure, right?” Nino suddenly asked, quiet so others wouldn’t overhear.
“Yes. The stitches are gone and everything.”
They stepped up and made their order. Gabriel ordered a black coffee for himself, while Nino ordered specific drinks for everyone else.
“That’ll be 24.86.” Said the cashier.
Gabriel handed over his card. “I’ll take care of it.”
Nino smirked as they went to sit at a nearby table to wait for their order.
“Sorry…” Nino began. “I didn’t mean to tag along if you needed a minute, I just…”
“It’s fine,” Gabriel stated, fiddling with a salt shaker on the table. “I’m the enemy after all, I should be watched at all times.”
“That’s not what I meant…your son is…he’s in the hospital and the future is uncertain. I’m just worried about you.”
“Thank you, but I don’t need your concern.” He said, a little harshly.
Nino sighed. “Adrien told me…after you lost your wife, you became a lot colder. No offense, but I’m worried for you for Adrien’s sake.”
Gabriel took a moment to relax his hunched shoulders and exhale slowly. He was way too tense, and that wasn’t good for anyone. “I’m sorry. I know it’s been a few years now, but I treated you unfairly the first time we met. I called you something unsavory, when all you were trying to do was make Adrien happy. That’s all you’ve ever tried to do. Thank you for ignoring my wishes and continuing to be his friend.”
Nino actually smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it dude—er, sir. Besides, you let me DJ that one fashion show. That was super cool!”
“You did a fine job. I’ll let you know if any more opportunities arise.”
“Thanks dude!”
Gabriel smirked. “You’re welcome…dude.”  
Nino erupted in violent laughter, nearly falling out of his chair.
“Forget I said anything.” Gabriel said flatly.
“Agreste!” Called the Barista.
The boys gathered their drinks and returned to the waiting room, still in silence, but a lighter feeling than before.
In the waiting room, Nino set the drinks on the little table and confessed he just picked out six drinks that looked interesting. One for each person, and one for the kwami’s to share.
Gabriel sat against a wall, watching the exchange while sipping on his black coffee. It felt awkward, as the elephant in the room sat between him and all these kind people. He rubbed his thumb over his ring finger, a force of habit from when he wore a wedding ring. His had been taken by Felix, so he wore Emilie’s for a while. But when she was taken to Tibet, he gave it back. Now he longed to have something to fidget with.
He reached into his pocket, immediately feeling the cool metal of Adrien’s Miraculous.
He had forgotten he picked it up. He just assumed his pocket was a safer place for it than Marinette’s bedroom. He took it out, resting the ring on his palm. It looked and felt like any other ring. He turned it over with his fingers, studying the design before it flashed green.
Plagg rocketed out, awake. “Adrien!” He shouted.
Well, if anyone was unaware of Chat Noir’s identity, he just blew it. But luckily, that wasn’t a problem in this room.
Plagg spun around, his eyes frantic. This was not the last place he was awake. The last thing he saw was that woman and she took off the ring—
He turned around, facing Gabriel, and saw the ring in his hand.
“Why do you have that?” He asked darkly.
“I—…” Gabriel gaped.
“That doesn’t belong to you! Give it back! That’s my kitten’s!” He shouted.
“Plagg…” Tikki tried to calm him down.
“Where is he?! What did you do to him!?”
Gabriel raise his hands in a pacifying nature. “Adrien’s in surgery.”
“Surgery!?! What did you do to him?!”
“He didn’t do anything, Plagg!” Tikki shook him. “It was that woman! That woman that stole the Miraculous! She hurt Marinette too!”
And then Nooroo peeked ever so slightly out of Gabriel’s pocket.
All hell broke loose.
“You!” Plagg grabbed Gabriel’s shirt, and yanked him to stand. “You disgusting piece of filth! Give me one good reason not to kill you this second!”
“Plagg!” Tikki grabbed him and tried to force the fabric from his paws. “Let him go!”
“You monster! Do you know how many nights I had to comfort him because of your abuse!? How many times he cried because you neglected him!? You might be his father, but you aren’t his dad! You’re a walking shit stain! Scum of the earth! A selfish, evil, pathetic excuse for a man! I hate you! I hate what you did to him! I hate what you did to both of them! And now this!? How could you betray him!?”
Gabriel wasn’t able to fight back. He was too stunned to say anything. This tiny creature could destroy him with a single breath.
“Plagg, stop it. You’re not thinking clearly!”
“I’m not thinking clearly!? Tikki! He’s Hawkmoth!”
“What?!”
“Nooroo! Nooroo get your ass out here!”
Tikki gasped as the lilac butterfly came into view, looking completely ashamed.
Plagg continued his rant, oblivious to the slack jaws in the room. “Is there a single person in your life that you haven’t hurt?! Haven’t manipulated into doing your biding!?”
“I didn’t mean to—“
“I’ve seen centuries, you vile worm! I’ve lived among humans as long as they’ve existed! So you listen to me when I say you are nothing but evil, Gabriel Agreste! Your heart is full of hatred and you aren’t capable of love! Not towards your son! Not towards your wife! That’s why she left you!”
Gabriel ripped his shirt out of the kwami’s paws. “She didn’t leave me!”
Plagg let him go, curious, but still fuming, as to why that was the only thing he argued.
“You’re right. I’m vile, and cruel, and evil. But Emilie didn’t leave. She…” He swallowed.
Everyone was watching him carefully, partly in fear of his violence. Partly because they wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself.
“The Peacock Miraculous is broken.” He began. “It was broken when we got it, though I didn’t know at the time. Emilie and I…we bought them from a vender in Tibet. Along with a book. We used them as inspiration in our designs. And for a while, thats all we used them for. But…Emilie, she always wore the peacock because she loved her Kwami so dearly. But Dusuu…she stole Emilie’s energy. And eventually, she fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up.” Gabriel fell into his chair, his head in his hands. “I didn’t know what to do. The doctors had no answers. She wasn’t dead, but…” He shook his head. “Nooroo told me there was a chance to save her, if I could get the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. I could unify their powers and make an ultimate wish.”
“So, you had to lure us out.” Said Tikki. “By akumatizing people.”
“Yes,” Gabriel breathed. “So many times, things went too far, and I told myself I’d quit. But then I’d get so close and…it just got worse and worse. I neglected everything. I was obsessed! And then—And then Salo captured them.” He hugged his arms around his waist, feeling sick. “I had a hunch once, that Adrien was Chat Noir. He always wore the same ring, and got defensive when I asked him about it. But he was too clever and diverted my attention from him. It came as a shock when I saw his costume come off. All this time, I was trying to protect him…trying to bring his mother back and make us a family again…but all I did was drive him away. This is all my fault. Not Master Fu’s, not even Salo’s…I’m responsible for this.”
Plagg said nothing, just glared and listened.
Gabriel raised his head to look into the kwami’s ancient green eyes. “So you’d be doing Adrien a favor by killing me.”
Plagg groaned at the sacrificial tone. Humans were just so stupid. “No, I wouldn’t. That kid loves you. I don’t know why, but he does. So, if you are really repentant, and whatever…then you better start acting like a father. Getting rid of you would just hurt him more…he doesn’t need any more loss.”
Gabriel smiled the tiniest bit. “There is something good that came out of this.”
Plagg looked at him skeptically.
“Master Fu revealed himself to us. In order to apologize. I took him aside and explained all of this. He arranged Emilie and Nathalie to go to Tibet and see the Guardian’s at the temple. Nathalie just emailed. Emilie…she’s awake. She’s alright. Adrien will have his mother back.”
Gabriel continued to smile as Plagg stared right back, something akin to pity on his face. “So what? You think this is happily ever after now?”
Gabriel’s smile fell.
“Adrien doesn’t need his mom anymore. He thought she was dead. He grieved. Alone. And then he healed and moved on. He found family in his friends. You’re the one that stayed behind in denial. Instead of dealing with the consequences of your actions, you brought everyone else down into madness with you. Do you know what seeing her alive again will do to him? Do you know how badly that will mess him up? Knowing that she was alive the whole time and she didn’t return? Or that you didn’t tell him!?”
Gabriel’s face paled. “I tried to tell him…but I didn’t think he’d understand.”
“He wouldn’t’ve. I barely understand it myself, and only because it’s over now.”
Tikki floated a few inches away from Plagg, as he continued to crackle with energy.
“This is stupid. I’ve wasted enough time here listening to your pathetic excuses. I have to see him! I promised I’d never leave him alone again!” He darted through the nearest door in frantic energy.
“Plagg!” Tikki shouted, flying after. Trixx and Wayzz hurried to catch up as well.
In the hall, Plagg rushed around, peeking in every room he came into, and stopping every time he saw a blond head.
When it became clear that Adrien wasn’t on the floor, he darted through the floor and went on his search.
“Adrien! Adrien!” He cried, startling nurses and patients alike.
Plagg pulled up short in front of a man in full scrubs, mask and gloves. “Where’s Adrien!?” He asked.
The man blinked. “I—What?”
“Adrien! Adrien Agreste! Where is he!? I need to see him!”
“I believe he’s in surgery…what are you?”
“Where!?” Plagg just screamed louder. Then he caught sight of the white board on the wall. A quick glance showed the name Agreste in room OR4.
He was off again, without a look back.
Frantic, he flitted from room to room, tracking the numbers.
Then finally, he found it. OR4.
He burst in the doors, startling those inside. “Adrien!”
A nurse looked at him, tilted her head, and said, “I’m sorry, you can’t be in here…”
“He needs me! Please!” But as he came closer, dread wrapped around him. It had to be Adrien. There was a young man on the operating table, laying on his stomach. The height was the same, the hair was still that golden wheat color. But he was so skinny and pale...
But the worst part was that from the base of his neck to his lower calves, deep gashes cut into his skin and muscle. The worst was around his shoulder blades, which were visible through the gore.
“What are you doing to him?” Plagg’s voice came out hollow, and afraid.
The head surgeon looked up at him, his eyes narrowing. “I’m Dr. Ernst Boucher, in charge of Adrien and Marinette’s surgeries and recoveries. Who…and what, are you?”
“I’m Plagg.”
“Ah, I see,” said he and then gestured him forward with a bloody finger.
The team watched him as he floated closer, and hovered over Adrien’s heart.
“We’ve studied the footage very carefully. He called for you, asking where you were.”
“Footage? What are you talking about?”
The doctor pointed to the table, right beside Adrien’s neck. “You can sit here.”
Plagg floated down and nuzzled against his chosen.
“Ladybug and Chat Noir were kidnapped and their identities were revealed on camera.”
“So everyone knows?”
“The whole world knows. They’ve been broadcasting them for about a month and a half now. Live torture at any hour of the day.”
“A month…?” Plagg’s voice was gravelly and weak. “They were tortured?”
“Yes.” Said the doctor, as he continued the surgery. “Adrien has a some pretty severe tissue damage all through here.”
“How did this happen?”
The doctor was quiet for a moment, giving instructions to his team members, before answering, “Several hours of flogging with a cat-o-nine tails.”
Plagg didn’t say anything after that, just let out a quiet sob and snuggled closer to Adrien’s neck.  
Hours later, the group in the waiting room were high with anxiety. Gabriel continued to sit in the corner with his head in his hands. Light conversation had flittered around the room, but no one dared bring up Hawkmoth’s sad origin.
Tikki, Trixx, and Wayzz had returned after about a half hour, when they concluded Plagg was nowhere to be found, and he likely wanted to be left alone.
Alya rested her head on Nino’s shoulder while she napped. Tom and Sabine played cards at the table.
Then the door opened. There stood a doctor in still bloody scrubs, with a black blob in his hand.
“Are you Dr. Boucher?” Gabriel asked, at attention.
“That’s right. Mr. Agreste?” He held out his free hand for a hand shake. “Nice to meet you in person. Glad we were able to get on this as soon as possible.” He turned to Tom and Sabine. “Mr. Dupain? Mrs. Cheng? Marinette’s all stitched up. She has received a blood transfusion and a whooping 19 stitches on her back. Right now, we’re monitoring a pretty severe case of pneumonia, as well as an infection in her hand and her feet. We have her on an IV with antibiotics to help with this. She’s also on a ventilator to help with her breathing. She has some scarring on her neck from strangulation, but as that happened a while ago, I think any damage has healed. Examining the footage, we’ve deduced that the food they were giving them is what’s known as ‘food loaf’ a old prison practice. Leftover meals are blended and then cooked into a flavorless loaf. But most of the nutrients are there. While they aren’t completely starved, we still will have to ease them into a regular diet to avoid refeeding syndrome. They will both be drinking a lot of water and juice high in electrolytes.” He noticed the other kwamis sitting on a chair, watching them, and brought Plagg over to join them. He was asleep and curled up into a ball. “Marinette will be extremely tired because of the infections. She’s not likely to wake up for several days. And when she does, I’m not certain about her mental state. She will be confused, but that’s understandable.”
“What about Adrien?” Gabriel asked, once the man seemed finished.
Dr. Boucher sighed. “Adrien is still in surgery, or…more precisely, he’s back in surgery. His flogging wounds were much more severe since he was whipped for a longer period of time. He is being stitched where he can, but we had to do a split-depth skin graft over his shoulder blades. The whip went deep into his muscles and tore out his flesh right down to the bone. We were able to suture the muscles back together, but the skin was too far apart to stitch back together. We took a sample from his inner thigh that was wide enough to cover his wound.”
“So what’s happening to him now?”
“Now the team is preparing to examine his sternum. In the early part of their stay, he sustained a wound from a crowbar to the chest. During the wedding, the bruising was visible and I can already tell he has a few broken ribs. He may even have flail chest, where the ribs float in the plural cavity and can damage other organs.” He frowned, his lip pulling further on one side. “This is a very difficult case. In order to do either surgery, Adrien had to risk the other wound. Obviously, the back was the most pressing, even with the pressure his akuma suit put on the wound, it was still bleeding fiercely. In order to get it properly cared for, he would have to lay on his front, risking the broken rib. It’s a tricky situation.”
Gabriel didn’t say anything, just closed his eyes in defeat.
“Besides those wounds, I’m assuming Adrien also has pneumonia, as he was exposed to the same conditions as Marinette. Because of the blood loss, he entered Hypovolemic shock, and achieved stage 4, which resulted in kidney and heart failure. With a blood transfusion, he should be on the mend, as his heart rate has steadily decreased and his hyperpnea has slowed. His breathing still doesn’t sound good, but it’s a lot slower and stable. That leads me to believe that he’s come out of shock. We will have to monitor his kidney output.”
Gabriel collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands.
“He also has infection in his hand where he was branded. And unfortunately, the upper part of his left ear will have to be removed. The infection has turned gangrenous and could infect the bloodstream.”
“Please tell me that’s all…” Gabriel whispered.
“Once he has stabilized, we will operate on his arm. The dislocation of his shoulder has likely stretched his tendons, and his arm will not be usable until that is fixed. And, I have no proof of this, but I think he may have vocal nodules, little growths on his vocal chords that prevent him from speaking. This is usually caused by excessive screaming.”
“Can I see him?”
Dr. Boucher sighed again, and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Mr. Agreste, I can’t let you see your son right now. And it’s with a heavy heart I tell you…he may not survive the night. He lost a lot of blood.”
A sob broke out of the man. “But you gave him a transfusion! He has enough blood now!”
“Yes, but he’s not getting enough oxygen to his body! We’ve introduced a ventilator, but there’s not much else we can do with the pneumonia and nodules.” He swallowed. “It’s up to Adrien now.”
The room was silent as Nino embraced Alya, Tom held his wife, and misery choked Gabriel.
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you more good news, but I wanted to provide an update as soon as I could. I have to go back now. We’re beginning Adrien’s rib fixation.”
No one tried to stop him.
He nodded once, and left the room.
Gabriel didn’t move, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating. And he was all alone. This was when he really needed his wife. She deserved to know what was happening. But there was no way, in good conscience he could tell her. Not after all he did to her.
“Mr. Agreste?” A tiny voice spoke up.
Gabriel raised his eyes to a little red kwami, looking at him with so much pity he could drown in it.
“I’m Tikki, Marinette’s kwami.” She introduced, pleasantly.
He looked away from her.
“You know, Adrien’s really strong. And he really loves Marinette, so I don’t think he’d give up on her.”
“Why are you talking to me?” It was just a curious question, but came out so harshly in his voice. “Don’t you know who I am?”
She blinked. “You’re Hawkmoth.”
His lip twitched in disgust.
“But you’re also Adrien’s father, and Marinette’s favorite fashion designer.”
“I’m also responsible for this.” He spat. “If not for me, then they wouldn’t—“
“Perhaps not.” Said Tikki, wisely. “But it could have been someone else. Someone who would have been tortured and killed. They wouldn’t have been rescued, and the woman wouldn’t have been caught. She would keep on hurting people. No matter what you’ve told yourself, or what others may have said…this isn’t your fault. It’s Salo’s.”
He shook his head. “Regardless, I’ve still hurt so many people. I’ve hurt my son! Everything would have been better without me.”
“Really? Because…without you, I would have never met Marinette. And Plagg would have never met Adrien. And he’ll never admit it, but Adrien’s his favorite wielder.”
Gabriel just stared at her and listened.
“Without you, people would have never gotten to experience the thrill of superheroes. Adrien and Marinette wouldn’t have gotten to be superheroes. We keep focusing on the trials they had to endure, but not the joys they felt. Marinette’s boost in confidence, Adrien’s freedom to let loose. Paris wouldn’t have a reason to fight for positivity…And Ladybug and Chat Noir would have never become friends.”
“Marinette and Adrien know each other from school.” He argued.
“But the unwavering trust, the absolute devotion, that came from their bond as heroes. Not from being classmates.”
Gabriel hugged his stomach with one arm, as a hand ran through his already wild hair. He chanced a glance to the other side of the room, to see everyone staring at him.
He swallowed. “I have to turn myself in. I have to go to prison.”
“No, don’t.” Said Sabine, standing to walk over to him. “Hawkmoth is retired. He saved them, and that’s enough for me.”
His eyebrows raised. “Are you sure?”
“I know you want to do the right thing, Gabriel. But think of Adrien. He’ll need all the love and support he can get. I know Tom loves him like a son, but there’s no replacement for a father.”
Gabriel hunched his shoulders.
“And besides, do you really want him dealing with the press of that discovery? Do you think that’s fair in the wake of what’s happened?”
He scowled. “No. That’s not fair to him at all.”
“Then, here’s the deal.” She sat in the chair next to him, and made herself look professional. “You are going to get your act together. You’re going to be better. You’re going to be a dad for that boy. You’re going to get therapy and leave the past in the dust. Do we have an agreement?” She held out her hand.
Gabriel inhaled deeply, sitting up. He combed his hair back. “It won’t be easy. But I’ll do my best. In return, I ask that you call me out if you see me slipping into previous behaviors.”
“Oh, I promise I will.”
“Then we have a deal.”
And they shook on it.      
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improvidence318 · 5 years
Text
IT IS TIME
To talk about my survey results!
Remember when I asked y’all to fill out a brief survey about 2 months ago? I was hoping to get enough submissions to equate to about 10% of my follower count. I got 71 people who took the survey (thanks everyone!) which is pretty close to 10% of my follower count when I first posted the survey.
Anyways, on to the results!
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This is why I really really appreciate reblogs more than likes. I’ve noticed a direct correlation between reblogs and new followers. 
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I’m glad that my current content output seems to place me ahead of other audio blogs. I don’t follow any other audio blogs myself, and I’m not really an audiophile, so I have limited knowledge of how others handle their stuff.
Cranking out lots of short content seems to help me stand out. I try to be consistent in my upload rate, or else I run the risk of slacking off and falling behind. Gotta move forward!
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Speaking of moving forward...
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And of course the only one of these I’ve done so far is Twitch game streams, the least voted-on choice...
If I had more than 1-3 people tuning in, freestyle voice streams could become a thing. I’ll probably send out another survey regarding the best time to do that if I really commit to it. 
I’ve had a few people ask if I do fanfiction readings. The answer is “Yes, but unless it’s My Immortal (I do that for free), you gotta commission me to read it.” As a general rule, if what you’re asking me to do is personalized, or would run longer than about 2 minutes, you should probably commission it instead of request it. 
As for RP LPs, well, I’m hoping to get something started related to that soon. Stay tuned...
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I thought maybe my page could use improvement, but it seems like I’m really the only one that has issues with it.
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I appreciate everyone being as honest as possible about this. 
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A lot of the answers were something along the lines of “your voice acting” or “Daddy Sans gets me hot”. Which seems par for the course around here. I wouldn’t want it any other way. A lot of people, in PMs and in the survey, seem bashful to admit they get turned on by the voices I do. Don’t be! Dangerous and sexy is specifically the kind of voice I’m delivering. 
There was also mention that they appreciated the consistency of posts, and how most of them are short and easy to listen to. That’s definitely what I strive for, so hooray, it’s working as intended!
Some people also noted they like the casual, more goofy approach to the voices and how I run things, and I’m glad that has its appeal. IRL I’m much more like UT Sans than MF Sans. The sexy funny is here to stay.
There was also praise for the various other voices I do. I really do try to think of other characters I can do audios for, but 90% of my stuff is still Sans for a number of reasons. I already have his character figured out quite thoroughly, he doesn’t need any heavy sound editing (unlike, say, Optimus), and he’s definitely why people are here in the first place. 
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Mercifully, the vast majority of responses were “Nothing, you’re good”. There were a few responses I’d like to respond to directly:
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If you know any better themes, please please PLEASE PM me and let me know. I’m fine with paying for one if it improves the experience.
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I’d love to add a tag index or something, but Tumblr really sucks at page customization. If anyone can offer formatting assistance, I’d be ever so grateful
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I know... I have requests from months ago still sitting in my inbox. There are a number of different reasons I haven’t completed your request yet. Could be that I just haven’t figured out a good way to deliver on it. It might be that they’d take longer than normal and I haven’t taken to time to really work on it. On average I get more requests per day (2-5) than what I post per day (1), so a backlog is inevitable.
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Audios are tricky to price. When you commission an art piece you usually get charged by the amount of characters, complexity of the background, and the overall detail of the art. Those are easier to standardize than audios. Or maybe it’s because I’m still inexperienced at pricing. Either way, I’ll try to get a commission page up once I get better at it. In the meantime, feel free to PM me and I’ll try to work with you on it. If you have a budget, let me know.
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A lot of people suggested I use way more tags, which I have since started doing. Thankfully Xkit has autotaggers that makes it so much easier to keep track of everything. 
Some suggested using Twitter, which I already do. 
A lot of you recommended being more involved on Youtube, a la ProZD. It’s definitely something I’m considering. Youtube is much easier to share around than Tumblr pages. 
Comic dubs were also suggested. I enjoy dubbing comics, but it’s hard for me to find good ones to dub. I’m not nearly as into Undertale and its associated AUs as all of you are, and I don’t really follow UT artists. If you guys find comics you think I could voice, please submit them to me!
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About what I expected. 
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I was a bit surprised that I had a few male followers. This is why I try to keep my audios as gender-neutral as possible. 
And that concludes my analysis of the survey results. I really, truly do appreciate everyone who took the time to give their opinions about my blog. I want to improve y’all’s experience and also improve my own output and follower base. My end goal is to get professional voice acting roles, and my work here helps me move forward towards that goal. When I first started this blog, I had no idea how it would develop. I’m so glad I started, and I only wish I’d started sooner.
Love y’all!
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soundofsleat · 6 years
Text
Hi friends! I have a favor to ask of you all.
I’m working on a project I’m currently calling: “how to leave without leaving, and how to come back”. It’s about how we cope with situations that we don’t want to be in but for whatever reason we can’t escape, and how we recover from that coping once the situation has passed.
To do this, I’m constructing a piece that people can stand under and stick their heads up into and listen to the myriad phrases, mantras, and fragments that battle it out in our minds to help us maintain and recover ourselves. Currently I’m thinking the piece will look like a gigantic poppy pod and that people will have to stand on a stool to reach it but that may change as the project evolves. The baseline is: people must interact with and somehow enter the piece to hear the audio.
What I’m looking for are your phrases, your mantras and fragmentary thoughts. The ones that seem to always bumble around your head when you can’t sleep at night, and the ones you use to claw your way out of the pit. I have many of my own, but I want this to be about more than just me because I know that we are not alone in this.
So, if you feel like sharing you can dm me your written phrase and I or a friend will read and record it, or you can email a good quality sound recording of your phrase to sleopoldsullivan at gmail dot com. While most of the phrases will probably end up being in English, I’m open to submissions in any language you feel comfortable using. Please title any emails with “phrase” so I can make sure they don’t get lost in my inbox or spam folder. Please include the name you want me to credit you with on the label and on any accompanying documentation, and you can choose to remain anonymous if that suits you better. Feel free to ask me any questions about this, and I will be posting updates on the project like I always do. Also, please share this call if you feel like it! I want as diverse a perspective as possible.
Thanks!
Edited to add: I’m rethinking the installation style so it will be inclusive for those who can’t stand. It will still probably be podlike in some manner and require entering to experience but I’ll make sure it’s wheelchair (or other mobility aid) accessible.
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matildainmotion · 3 years
Text
What if Self-Love is Not About the Self? By Natasha Fowler and Matilda Leyser
This blog is a collage.
A collaboration
A conversation between my words -Matilda’s- and….
….Mine, Natasha’s
It’s a blog about looking after yourself, ourselves, and how I, you, we go about doing that.
It is in two parts. You can also listen to the blog if you go HERE:
PART ONE:
First, to introduce ourselves:
Matilda: I am a mother, writer, theatre-maker, co-director of Mothers Who Make, wife, daughter, insomniac.
Natasha: I am a friend, a lover, a guardian, a wounded human. I am a White woman, descendant from my ancestors. I make art, share what I know and raise children.
We met at an international MWM meeting.
I’m trying to finish a draft of my novel by Christmas, so I am not writing any blogs. Instead, I send an email to Natasha, in Amsterdam….
Hi Natasha, Please let me know if you wish to write a MWM blog for the month of November. The only requirement is that it ends with a question, relevant to the theme of mothering and making, that can become the focus for the month’s meetings should people wish to take it up. Let me know….. Matilda
Thank you, Matilda, yes. I started work on the self-care article yesterday. I’m going to edit today and share with a few friends. I can commit to having it to you by Wednesday. I hope you have a good steady day of eating, working, caring and resting. I have stretched, washed and consciously dressed but my teeth are not cleaned yet (3/4 of my morning routine). Time to get off emails! Natasha
Late Wednesday, I receive Natasha’s first draft. I see it come into my inbox at nine pm, as I am about to read bedtime stories to my daughter – I think, ‘I won’t read that now, or I won’t sleep.’ I close down my laptop.
I don’t sleep anyway. One of the worst things about insomnia is the radical loneliness – an irrational sense that no one else in the world is still awake.
The next day, tired, wired, I read Natasha’s blog. I know I am a word control freak -I have been known to edit, and re-edit, a text message - but I feel uncertain about publishing Natasha’s draft in the MWM blog spot. I want more mothering and making in it. This also seems a very dubious response- to invite new, diverse people to write a blog and, when they don’t sound like me, to want to edit them to make them sound more so…..and yet, at the same time, I think there is something valid in wanting to look after the particular space that MWM holds, in meetings, online, in writings. After dithering for a few days, I email Natasha –
Hi Natasha, first a disclaimer: I am not in a great place right now. My chronic insomnia has become acute and I am not functioning well, so my critical faculties are pretty ropey! …But would you be willing, to include a little more about your mothering and making in the writing….?
Hi Matilda, It makes sense to me that my approaches and the boundaries of the blog are having a conversation. I am curious about why I don’t talk about mothering and making in a way that meets the criteria. I have an imaginative block for what that’d look like - which tells me I’m categorising the requirement differently to you. It’s a familiar thought cul-de-sac that comes with this Neurodiverse mind I operate in.
Neurodiverse. It’s a term that is relatively new to me and suddenly tremendously potent: at the end of September my son at last received an autism diagnosis. “I get it,” he said when my husband and I told him, “My brain does this” – he drew a detailed picture in the air of different, curved and diagonal connections between invisible points of meaning– “And other peoples’ do this,” he said, drawing a series of straight, right-angled lines.
Hi Natasha, as part of my learning in this area I would be very interested to hear a little more about how you name and describe your neurodiversity. Please send me a few lines articulating your sense of it - why does our exchange feel like ‘a familiar cul-de-sac’ to you? Tell me more about the cul-de-sac and the other streets and highways of your mind :-) Thank you again for your openness, integrity, and all your work on this. Matilda xxx
The cul-de-sac I talk about is a place I get stuck when I've been given a task and I have no imaginable concept of what that would look like. With a long conversation and lots of back and forth clarification, I would probably discover that I do know what you're talking about but I learned a long time ago not to try and clarify everything so precisely, it was not practical/ possible and probably led to people being annoyed by my questions.
Part of my response to the task is to think "but I made the writing - that's the making" and "I am a mother, so if I speak, I'm speaking from the experience of mothering".
In the end I understand the labels autism/ADHD/dyslexia/neurodiversity to be bureaucratic necessities in a world obsessed with 'normal'. The necessary diversity of human experience is medicalised, categorised in order for us to get the money from the system that is needed to exist in the system. I am disabled by what I live in and my race/class/gender identity have protected me from that disabling being far more consequential.
I can’t and don’t want to argue with any of this. I feel dismayed at the idea that my requirements for the MWM blog might actually in themselves be exclusive. I don’t feel good about wading in and making Natasha’s voice more acceptable within my idea of what the text should sound like. So, I think instead I will be transparent – I will leave her words as they are and add some of mine – put in the mothering and the making that I feel the need to include. As it happens, Natasha’s chosen theme, of the need for self-care to be a process that takes place as a collective, community act, could not be more relevant to my experience of mothering and making this month.
Here we go then….
PART TWO:
Natasha: I ran out of self-love this summer, overwhelmed by stories of all my faults, what I’d lost and not done. I spent too much time subject to a cruel inner tyranny. I held onto the idea that I could take care of the situation alone. That I could create the self-love I needed. I could not. I needed to depend on something beyond my self. Although I had vowed to love myself first only two years ago, I was now raising questions about this individualised ideal of self-love.
Matilda: Take care, people say. I still struggle to do this. I sit on the stairs at 3am. My husband is asleep. My son and daughter are asleep. They are 8 and 4. I am 46. I ought to be able to rest too - how can I possibly take care of them, if I cannot take care of myself in this fundamental way? Self-soothing is a skill that babies, some say, are meant to have learnt after only a few months. I tell myself this when I get to the sobbing stage at 4am. I fantasize about a mother figure– not my real mother who is 79 now, also in my care, also asleep – but some great giant of a mother coming walking through the woods outside. She is coming to take me up in her arms, hold me against her, above the trees, hold me, grown as I am, until I fall asleep. Because tomorrow I have other people to take care of– the children, my mother. And I have another chapter of my novel to write. I know I cannot write when I haven’t slept.
Natasha: I finally gave up the idea that self-love is my sole responsibility. I began to accept the dependence that exists, the vulnerability of my well being. My self-love became communal. Just like the child raising that I do along with my partner, our friends and family; just like the neighbourhood garden my wee boy and I joined in preparing for winter last week.
But how did I end up believing self-love is something I have to do by myself? Born in 1978, independence and individuality were highly prized values when I was growing up. To be able to do things yourself without help was a given. To be free of the demands of a group was important. The myth of singular heroes was all over the culture, from lonesome superheroes to introvert inventors and brave explorers. The heroes saved the vulnerable, and the vulnerable were symbolised as young, straight, thin, white women. The stories of everyone around the inventor and all that they did were edited out. The people who were there before the explorer even set his foot down were erased. The values of independence of individuality, invulnerability are seeped into my bones.
Matilda: Did you sleep? My husband asks me in the morning. I shake my head. He is worried. I am worried. I don’t know what to do. I have tried so many things. I tell him I might put a post about it on the Mothers Who Make Facebook group– “You should,” he says. “That’s what it’s for.” True. I started it, but I find it hard to reach out for support. I have a kind of pride, almost a snobbery, that has often stopped me sharing. ‘What’s on your mind?’ FB asks me – so many things, but I don’t want to place them in that white public space. It feels immodest to do so, to turn my life into a headline. But the truth is, I am afraid.
I recognise this. It is also why I find it hard to share my work. I hold onto it. I have been working on this novel for ten years, and hardly anyone has read it. It is the same reason I edit, re-edit text messages. I do not let people see the mess. The missed comas. The words out of place. I feel safest when sealed off, private, when only carefully crafted images of vulnerability are revealed. And yet, when I am sobbing at 4am, all I want is company. A giant mother. Someone, anyone, to see me, to see the mess of me.
Natasha: I am communally made. My ideas of who I am, what I do, what is the value in me are made during my relationships. Maybe I always knew that like the self-hate I was carrying, my self-love was a communal responsibility. I suspect there is something about the experience of being a mother in my culture that helped me forget. It seems to be an experience that isolates and calcifies our individual sense of responsibility. The International mothers who make calls were part of my communal self-love recovery. Getting to turn up to a new group and hear me tell my story and listen to so much good company. I hope we might all give and receive the love that we need to maintain a sense of our self being loved. I hope we are all learning what we need to learn to be able to do that.
Matilda: So I did it – I put the post on Facebook. I need some help, I wrote, I don’t sleep and I can no longer blame my children for this. My children are sleeping – I am not. Many of you reading this, may have seen it and responded. It was extraordinary for me to see such a huge number of compassionate, wise, responses so fast. Humbling. Profoundly helpful – not just the resources, but the act itself of reaching out and finding so many hands writing back. After only an hour, I went online to look and I could see the wavy line that appears when someone, somewhere is in the process of typing something. A real person out there, taking care. Not just one. Over a hundred. A giant number of mothers.
I wrote back to Natasha:
P.s. The amazing response I received to my insomnia post rather wonderfully proves your point - we don’t have to do this self-care thing on our own. Xxxxx
Don’t have to – can’t even – whoever you are, how ever your mind works, however brilliant you are, however vulnerable, however divergent, however alone you feel.
It sounds so simple. So obvious. We are interconnected. All the streets link up, even the cul-de-sacs have passages leading onto one another. There is no such thing as social distancing. Physical distancing, yes, but social – two metres apart between your thoughts and mine, your experience and mine, your words and mine – is just not possible.
Here then is Natasha’s, my, your, our question for the month:
How do you understand self-love, is it clearly something you must do for yourself? Or something you share? or maybe you practise other ideals of compassion? Maybe you carry some communally made self-hate too? How do you sustain yourself when overwhelmed?
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this is me asking about ur wips
This is so open ended and I love it but remember you asked for it so i’m gonna give the rundown:(These are all for DGHDA btw)
To Know series:Dirk Gently - Part 3 and the culmination of the main story I wanted to write. (There will be two add ons). This is my current priority but it’s being stubborn af and hard to write and I can’t work out why. It’s going to be angsty but hopefully toned more bittersweet than all out angst like the last ones. (All going well it should have a happy/hopeful ending but we’ll see.)Dirk Gently (Part 2): 1st Optional add on to main series, will look at Dirk when we first met him and follow him through the events of the first season. I have bits and pieces planned out for this but it’s not my first priority because i think this one might give me a bit of trouble too. Todd Brotzman: 2nd Optional add on to main series. Will be Brotzly (I couldn’t resist). Will be set after S2, will look at Todd/the relationship through Dirk’s eyes, will involve past-sharing, will not be too angsty (with luck). Currently have quite a bit of this one planned out but I need to get the other written first to make it come out properly. I’m excited for this one, it’ll be very cathartic and lovely to write I think.
(Under a cut bc this post got hella long)
My AU:Angels and Demons, baby. Todd is a disgruntled angel who is grounded for reasons that will not be told until the story. He’s not fallen but he’s definitely been sent to time out for doing something that’s actually wayyyy worse than anyone realises. Dirk is a… happy go lucky demon? He’s a dodgy little shit but he’s not evil. He has a backstory that I’m having hella fun planning and working out the dynamics for this world is super fun. They’re gonna fix the universe with help from their friends. Featuring: Punk Angel Amanda who got sick of the rules and fell to earth so she could actually help instead of watch. The Rowdies as Hellhounds. Farah as a fierce warrior angel (who bends the rules to talk to Todd and Amanda). Dirk’s dubious ‘demonic’ activity (is it evil or is he just weird, who knows?). Todd who can’t stop getting his feathers in a bunch. Blackwing being literally Hell. Some very painful Icarus references. Some super duper sweet romance all worked up in the middle there. Awkward courting and enthusiastic gestures on both sides. It’ll be good when I actually get round to writing it.Other Bits and Pieces:Todd the walking fashion disaster: A WIP I have had almost finished since Shapes and Colours aired (I know, I know). That outfit is too good for Todd to have managed to put it together, Dirk dressed him (fite me). Featuring: bad fashion, gay thoughts. It only needs like, 1 more paragraph to be finished and yet. Technically the first fic I wrote for this fandom but it’s not finished and doesn’t count. Soft Domestic Bullshit: It’s so fluffy it makes me sick looking at it. I’m not really a fluff writer so I set myself this challenge and it’s actually coming along quite nicely. If you wanna know what a grossly cute quiet morning in bed for Todd and Dirk looks like this is the one for you. The “almost too emo to be porn” porn: It’s working title is “they have sex, todd cries”. Porn is a rarity for me so we’ll see if it ever sees the light of AO3 BUT it’s been wonderful and therapeutic and lovely to write so far. It’s very emo. Something Else: Not angst, not fluff, not really any category. How Dirk and Todd come to see each other as home. Okay. Maybe it’s fluff. Another one that comes in stops and starts but I’m enjoying playing around with. Dirk Gently holds his cards close to his chest (but he might let you peek if you’re nice): A one shot about how I think the most likely way Dirk would tell Todd about Blackwing would go. Not difficult to write in a traditional sense, but hard to pace. Lots of insecurities. I’ve been working on this one for ages and it’s very much slow and steady but getting there. Meet the Parents, ‘where the hell have you been young man?’ Edition: Todd’s parents have been worried sick about him and Amanda just up and disappearing. They turn up at the agency and Dirk is thoroughly unprepared for this. Mostly based off of Todd’s “can I at least call my parents?” line from s2 ep1. He knows they’ll worry. Some kind of closure: Riggins comes to Dirk looking for forgiveness. They talk. It’s a lot, but he does get something out of it. A favourite of mine right now. How Farah Black Realised She’s A Lesbian: A prompt I got the other day that sent me into a writing flurry. It’s such a good idea and I’m loving this one but I’ve hit a road block. Honestly the free-est easiest one to write right now. Markings (Brotzly): Something someone prompted me with ages ago that I think was intended as nsfw but I just made it angsty. And cute in parts! Definitely cute but there’s angst in there too. An all out angst fest featuring Mr Priest: This is one I’m writing mostly for my own amusement and may never see the light of day but he’s a fun character to write and when I’m struggling making headway with some of the ones I take more seriously I like to hash it out over here in this WIP. The 7 other prompts in my inbox: I’m working on them I swear. Most likely to be drabbles/short installments. I like to use prompts as quick exercises when I’m stuck/dragged down by bigger projects and some of you guys have the best imaginations so I’m incredibly thankful for them. These will see the light of day at some point I promise. And there we have it. Most of these are literally a couple of paragraphs from being finished and I struggle the most with endings but I’m determined not to abandon them so here are some things you can expect to see coming your way over the next few months from me. I may well have forgotten some but as you can see I have an over active imagination and have given myself a lot to do BUT multiple projects at once is how I work best and it’ll be the luck of the draw what gets written first. Sorry this is so long. If any of you want to ask more about any of these please do, talking about stuff I’m working on helps me keep inspired and makes me feel like I have to do it because someone knows about it. Thank you SO much for asking. I feel better having just written this all out. 
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How to Use WordPress for Project Management
How to Use WordPress for Project Management
In the world of freelancers, I hear a number of great options for project management apps / software. Seemingly the most popular being Basecamp. I took Basecamp for a 30 day test drive. It is clearly a great tool for project collaboration with clients, but as a WordPress user I could not help but feel like I was sitting on the most customizable project management tool I could possibly find.
At first I thought I was going to get off easy and find the perfect app for what I wanted which was a simple page where clients could go to see and edit tasks and view progress. I tried CollabPress and Ndizi and WP Project … nothing fit just right. I did not want my clients to have to log in as a user. I wanted email notifications when a task was added. I had very specific ideas of the look, feel, and functionality I hoped for. Well, needless to say, after quite a few installations and exploration of each one's features, I decided to create it myself. I do not mean build my own app, but more like patching together pieces to fit my vision.
You can create your own project management site to fit your specific needs, but this was my process and the steps I took:
I started by creating individual pages for each client. I chose a page template in my theme expressly for my client pages so that I could add certain items to the sidebar that would be used for all clients. In setting up each page, I chose to password protect each page. This option can be found in the right hand toolbar under the heading "Publish", there is a visibility option that is set to "public" by default, but can be edited to be password protected.
As the creation of these pages evolved, I realized that the possibilities were vast. I stumbled upon this tutorial which explains how to install Dropbox Uploader onto your page. It took a little bit of fiddling with, but now clients can upload files directly on their page within my site, and files are automatically added to my Dropbox folder. This eliminates the need to share Dropbox folders and force clients to sign up if they are not already. (As a side note, I was only able to add the script to the sidebar after installation of the PHP Code Widget plugin.)
The next addition to my client's page was a comment box for project communications and notes. I already use Discus comment system so I decided to add a comment box to the sidebar using the shortcode [commentbox] in a text widget. My hope is to reduce the gads of emails in my inbox that pile up and get lost in a sea of ​​messages only to be found after unnecessarily wasting time searching my inbox for specific emails. You know what I'm talking about!
Now for the meat of the page and the reason I set out on this project to begin with … I needed a process for submission of tasks. After some more searching for a to-do list plugin, I ended up creating a form in Google Drive with the following fields: task description (paragraph text), priority (multiple choice), assigned to (multiple choice), and desired completion date . Separate forms have to be created for each client so that tasks are funneled into individual spreadsheets. Once the form has been created you can find the option to embed under the "More Actions" tab. Grab the iframe code, paste it into your WordPress page, and now you have a task submission form. Within the spreadsheet settings, you can opt to receive an email every time a form response is received. If you need to send notifications to the client, you would first have to choose to share the spreadsheet which can found the dropdown menu under the file tab. Once they have accepted, you can choose to email collaborators at anytime with the option of attaching the spreadsheet or simply to notify them of tasks assigned to them.Once the spreadsheet was set up to my liking, I it on the client page underneath the task submission form so that the clients can at any time view a list of the tasks and their status. For projects where time is tracked I have added a field for this and utilized the sum function in Google Drive so the client can see a running tally of their time-to-date. You can visit Google's support page for more in depth tutorials on creating and embedded forms and other documents.
In keeping with the Google spirit, I also created a Google calendar for each client and have this embedded on the page so clients can see any important deadlines or events at a glance. More guidance on using Google calendars in this capacity can be found here.
Other additions I plan to add to the pages are links to important documents such as our contract and policies and procedures, copies of invoices, and a link to PayPal to pay invoices. I would also like to play around with the style of the iframes to make everything a little prettier and consistent with my site's style, but in the meantime, I am super excited to be using this central are to communicate with my clients and keep myself organized . So far, I have been pleased with the functionality of all of the parts, and I am looking forward to the evolution of the page as I grow and learn over time.
I truly hope this is some benefit to you and feel free to comment with ideas and questions or tell us about your own systems for project management and client communications.
As always, good luck to you in all of your business endeavors!
Ata Rehman
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Text
How to Use WordPress for Project Management
How to Use WordPress for Project Management
In the world of freelancers, I hear a number of great options for project management apps / software. Seemingly the most popular being Basecamp. I took Basecamp for a 30 day test drive. It is clearly a great tool for project collaboration with clients, but as a WordPress user I could not help but feel like I was sitting on the most customizable project management tool I could possibly find.
At first I thought I was going to get off easy and find the perfect app for what I wanted which was a simple page where clients could go to see and edit tasks and view progress. I tried CollabPress and Ndizi and WP Project … nothing fit just right. I did not want my clients to have to log in as a user. I wanted email notifications when a task was added. I had very specific ideas of the look, feel, and functionality I hoped for. Well, needless to say, after quite a few installations and exploration of each one's features, I decided to create it myself. I do not mean build my own app, but more like patching together pieces to fit my vision.
You can create your own project management site to fit your specific needs, but this was my process and the steps I took:
I started by creating individual pages for each client. I chose a page template in my theme expressly for my client pages so that I could add certain items to the sidebar that would be used for all clients. In setting up each page, I chose to password protect each page. This option can be found in the right hand toolbar under the heading "Publish", there is a visibility option that is set to "public" by default, but can be edited to be password protected.
As the creation of these pages evolved, I realized that the possibilities were vast. I stumbled upon this tutorial which explains how to install Dropbox Uploader onto your page. It took a little bit of fiddling with, but now clients can upload files directly on their page within my site, and files are automatically added to my Dropbox folder. This eliminates the need to share Dropbox folders and force clients to sign up if they are not already. (As a side note, I was only able to add the script to the sidebar after installation of the PHP Code Widget plugin.)
The next addition to my client's page was a comment box for project communications and notes. I already use Discus comment system so I decided to add a comment box to the sidebar using the shortcode [commentbox] in a text widget. My hope is to reduce the gads of emails in my inbox that pile up and get lost in a sea of ​​messages only to be found after unnecessarily wasting time searching my inbox for specific emails. You know what I'm talking about!
Now for the meat of the page and the reason I set out on this project to begin with … I needed a process for submission of tasks. After some more searching for a to-do list plugin, I ended up creating a form in Google Drive with the following fields: task description (paragraph text), priority (multiple choice), assigned to (multiple choice), and desired completion date . Separate forms have to be created for each client so that tasks are funneled into individual spreadsheets. Once the form has been created you can find the option to embed under the "More Actions" tab. Grab the iframe code, paste it into your WordPress page, and now you have a task submission form. Within the spreadsheet settings, you can opt to receive an email every time a form response is received. If you need to send notifications to the client, you would first have to choose to share the spreadsheet which can found the dropdown menu under the file tab. Once they have accepted, you can choose to email collaborators at anytime with the option of attaching the spreadsheet or simply to notify them of tasks assigned to them.Once the spreadsheet was set up to my liking, I it on the client page underneath the task submission form so that the clients can at any time view a list of the tasks and their status. For projects where time is tracked I have added a field for this and utilized the sum function in Google Drive so the client can see a running tally of their time-to-date. You can visit Google's support page for more in depth tutorials on creating and embedded forms and other documents.
In keeping with the Google spirit, I also created a Google calendar for each client and have this embedded on the page so clients can see any important deadlines or events at a glance. More guidance on using Google calendars in this capacity can be found here.
Other additions I plan to add to the pages are links to important documents such as our contract and policies and procedures, copies of invoices, and a link to PayPal to pay invoices. I would also like to play around with the style of the iframes to make everything a little prettier and consistent with my site's style, but in the meantime, I am super excited to be using this central are to communicate with my clients and keep myself organized . So far, I have been pleased with the functionality of all of the parts, and I am looking forward to the evolution of the page as I grow and learn over time.
I truly hope this is some benefit to you and feel free to comment with ideas and questions or tell us about your own systems for project management and client communications.
As always, good luck to you in all of your business endeavors!
Ata Rehman
0 notes
yourabsentgod-blog · 6 years
Text
How to Use WordPress for Project Management
How to Use WordPress for Project Management
In the world of freelancers, I hear a number of great options for project management apps / software. Seemingly the most popular being Basecamp. I took Basecamp for a 30 day test drive. It is clearly a great tool for project collaboration with clients, but as a WordPress user I could not help but feel like I was sitting on the most customizable project management tool I could possibly find.
At first I thought I was going to get off easy and find the perfect app for what I wanted which was a simple page where clients could go to see and edit tasks and view progress. I tried CollabPress and Ndizi and WP Project … nothing fit just right. I did not want my clients to have to log in as a user. I wanted email notifications when a task was added. I had very specific ideas of the look, feel, and functionality I hoped for. Well, needless to say, after quite a few installations and exploration of each one's features, I decided to create it myself. I do not mean build my own app, but more like patching together pieces to fit my vision.
You can create your own project management site to fit your specific needs, but this was my process and the steps I took:
I started by creating individual pages for each client. I chose a page template in my theme expressly for my client pages so that I could add certain items to the sidebar that would be used for all clients. In setting up each page, I chose to password protect each page. This option can be found in the right hand toolbar under the heading "Publish", there is a visibility option that is set to "public" by default, but can be edited to be password protected.
As the creation of these pages evolved, I realized that the possibilities were vast. I stumbled upon this tutorial which explains how to install Dropbox Uploader onto your page. It took a little bit of fiddling with, but now clients can upload files directly on their page within my site, and files are automatically added to my Dropbox folder. This eliminates the need to share Dropbox folders and force clients to sign up if they are not already. (As a side note, I was only able to add the script to the sidebar after installation of the PHP Code Widget plugin.)
The next addition to my client's page was a comment box for project communications and notes. I already use Discus comment system so I decided to add a comment box to the sidebar using the shortcode [commentbox] in a text widget. My hope is to reduce the gads of emails in my inbox that pile up and get lost in a sea of ​​messages only to be found after unnecessarily wasting time searching my inbox for specific emails. You know what I'm talking about!
Now for the meat of the page and the reason I set out on this project to begin with … I needed a process for submission of tasks. After some more searching for a to-do list plugin, I ended up creating a form in Google Drive with the following fields: task description (paragraph text), priority (multiple choice), assigned to (multiple choice), and desired completion date . Separate forms have to be created for each client so that tasks are funneled into individual spreadsheets. Once the form has been created you can find the option to embed under the "More Actions" tab. Grab the iframe code, paste it into your WordPress page, and now you have a task submission form. Within the spreadsheet settings, you can opt to receive an email every time a form response is received. If you need to send notifications to the client, you would first have to choose to share the spreadsheet which can found the dropdown menu under the file tab. Once they have accepted, you can choose to email collaborators at anytime with the option of attaching the spreadsheet or simply to notify them of tasks assigned to them.Once the spreadsheet was set up to my liking, I it on the client page underneath the task submission form so that the clients can at any time view a list of the tasks and their status. For projects where time is tracked I have added a field for this and utilized the sum function in Google Drive so the client can see a running tally of their time-to-date. You can visit Google's support page for more in depth tutorials on creating and embedded forms and other documents.
In keeping with the Google spirit, I also created a Google calendar for each client and have this embedded on the page so clients can see any important deadlines or events at a glance. More guidance on using Google calendars in this capacity can be found here.
Other additions I plan to add to the pages are links to important documents such as our contract and policies and procedures, copies of invoices, and a link to PayPal to pay invoices. I would also like to play around with the style of the iframes to make everything a little prettier and consistent with my site's style, but in the meantime, I am super excited to be using this central are to communicate with my clients and keep myself organized . So far, I have been pleased with the functionality of all of the parts, and I am looking forward to the evolution of the page as I grow and learn over time.
I truly hope this is some benefit to you and feel free to comment with ideas and questions or tell us about your own systems for project management and client communications.
As always, good luck to you in all of your business endeavors!
Ata Rehman
0 notes
minnievirizarry · 7 years
Text
9 Tips to Flawlessly Manage Your Instagram Followers
Let’s not kid ourselves–it’s nice to see those Instagram alerts saying your business has a new follower. While the feeling might not get old, the thought of knowing how to easily manage your Instagram followers might be daunting.
Don’t let that love for a new follower grow stale. As a business, you want to continually see new customers interacting and engaging with your Instagram account. Whether it’s an awesome visual theme, great videos or like-worthy images, something drove the user to your account.
Now your job is to effectively manage and engage with your new audience to keep them coming back for more content. Before we get into how to do this, the first essential step is to use an Instagram management tool to monitor, track and engage with your followers.
At Sprout Social, we provide the most powerful business tools in the industry whether you’re managing a few Instagram accounts or 100. Give us a try or compare us to your current tools with our free 30-day trial.
Whether you’re already up and running or just getting started, follow these nine tips to manage Instagram followers effectively:
1. Only Post Your Best Instagram Content
You don’t need to post every picture or video you take on Instagram. In order to build a reputation as a brand people want to follow, try to only post your best content. So if you’re debating where to post that amazing video you just recorded, think of Instagram first.
Why?
According to a Simply Measured study, engagement rates on Instagram are 20 times higher than Twitter content and 15 times higher than Facebook. This means you have a better chance to engage and befriend your audience on Instagram than other networks.
If you only post content that is of the highest quality, you have a better chance to convert followers into brand loyalists. And high quality could simply mean your content is well-edited, interesting, timely and on brand.
Favorite denim jacket: check. Breathtaking view: double check. All jackets + outerwear are now 30% off for a limited time! 📷: @lexymonaco
A photo posted by Urban Outfitters (@urbanoutfitters) on Jan 16, 2017 at 2:01pm PST
For example, Urban Outfitters has amazing visuals on its Instagram account that showcase the brand’s products and artistic lifestyle. Several of the most popular posts stem from user-generated content.
Every single post matches their brand, even when there’s no products mentioned. Urban consistently posts its best content, which entices followers to share and engage. There’s a visual theme and the quality never strays.
2. Create an Instagram Community
Adequately managing your Instagram followers allows you to build a tribe of loyal users. These followers help you more often than you think. In fact, a Nielsen report discovered the No. 1 source of trustworthy advertising was friends and family recommendations.
An effective Instagram community not only engages with its followers, but encourages users to share or tag others in their content. If you look at Bleacher Report’s Instagram following, hundreds of comments exist on nearly every piece of content.
Russell Westbrook finally stopped walking.
A video posted by Bleacher Report (@bleacherreport) on Jan 19, 2017 at 6:18am PST
This is because Bleacher Report does one or more of the following in every post:
Creates a debate within the comments
Posts highly-shareable (often humorous) content
Breaks news within the industry
While Bleacher Report is blessed with being in the sports industry, your brand can learn from them. Try to build a community by engaging your users whenever possible. Something as simple as asking people to tag a friend or leave a comment could be just the push you need to start building a community.
If your followers are heavily involved in the industry, spark conversation by asking questions in the caption. Having users make a decision, like Bed Bath and Beyond does below, encourages sharing, tagging and engaging.
"Hi guys, so my LOVE for copper is not going away anytime soon! I love making sweet treats over @Pizzazzerie so a KitchenAid Stand Mixer is one of my top picks for every wedding registry (there are so many colors)! What color would you choose?"- @pizzazzerie. #WeddingWednesday #HappilyRegistered #BedBathandBeyond
A photo posted by bedbathandbeyond (@bedbathandbeyond) on Jan 18, 2017 at 3:04pm PST
3. Analyze Your Core Demographic
Building a community is important, but it’s also necessary to know who you’re bringing together. Do research into your Instagram users to see things like gender, age, income, education, interests, location and relationship status. These demographics provide massive insights into who follows you and who you should target for the future.
With demographic analysis from Sprout, it’s simple to monitor your Instagram’s top engaged influencers. This gives clarity to some of your most significant followers.
Additionally, if you have your Facebook and Twitter connected to Sprout, you can access the Twitter Profiles and Facebook Pages reports to gain further access into your core demographic. With a little research, it’s possible to pinpoint and manage your audience.
It’s critical to know who you’re targeting on social so you can post the most engaging and relevant content possible.
4. Measure What Content Resonates
Once you know your target demographic, it’s time to see what content resonates with them. Do your followers like videos? How well do they engage with product shots or stock photography? No two audiences are identical.
Your home in the trees overlooks a 400-acre organic ranch. Once you’ve settled in, come down and mingle with the goats. #TreehouseTuesday Photo cred: @evonnne
A photo posted by Airbnb (@airbnb) on Jan 17, 2017 at 4:58pm PST
The best way to find out what your audience likes is to do some content analysis. It’ll give you some great insights into your most engaging posts, as well as help you build a better Instagram content strategy for the future. Trying to please all your Instagram followers is nearly impossible. The goal is to share content that resonates with as many as possible.
To get started, create a spreadsheet to dissect and analyze your current content. Mark columns with traits that give more detail into your posts. For example, measure things like:
Your caption length (character count)
The type of content published (video or photo)
Was your brand mentioned
Did the caption contain a CTA
What filter was used
Were hashtags included
Was there a geo-location
Some of these benchmarks might not match every brand, but doing investigative work into your most successful content will surely help. Here at Sprout, our Instagram Profiles report details your most successful posts, which you can filter by date.
5. Try New Instagram Features
After you’ve unraveled some details about the content your audience enjoys, you should have a better understanding of what to post. However, some of the new features on Instagram could help you engage with your followers even more.
For example, Instagram Live was recently released to more countries outside the US to gain exposure. This live broadcasting feature allows you to connect with followers on an intimate and behind-the-scenes level.
Some brands might be nervous to do live broadcasting, but that’s alright. Instagram Stories provides another avenue for brands to post content. Much like Snapchat, the stories feature allows users to add content for short viewing times that gets erased after a 24-hour period.
The in-the-moment posting is more raw and less edited than other content, so make sure you have a purpose behind this content. The last thing you want to do is add a bunch of stories that ultimately have no ties to your content strategy.
6. Be Easy to Find
Your Instagram content needs to be easily searchable, shareable and in the correct spaces. Now with more than 600 million active users, you want to make sure you’re getting as much exposure as possible.
This will help bring in users and provide current followers with your whereabouts. Maybe a user found your profile through the explore feature and liked your content without following you. Getting in front of them again could be the turning point to turn a follower into a customer.
It’s best practice to optimize your Instagram profile to gain exposure and be searchable for anyone looking for your brand. The same Simply Measured report discovered 86% of the top brands around the world have Instagram accounts.
Ensure your username is simple, short and easy to find on Instagram’s search features. The competition is only growing.
7. Create Brand Awareness with Hashtags
A great way to centralize or even expand your brand is through hashtags. On one hand, hashtags create exposure when you use generic terms like #winter, #staywarm or #cozy.
#TestedTough in some of the most rigorous circumstances and conditions on the planet.
A photo posted by Columbia Sportswear (@columbia1938) on Nov 22, 2016 at 2:27pm PST
However, branded hashtags create a space for you and your brand loyalists to post content. Columbia Sportswear uses the hashtag #TestedTough on a majority of images and videos to get followers involved.
This is one of the best ways to manage Instagram followers without seeming pushy. And through Sprout, it’s simple to monitor the hashtags associated with your brand and which ones you frequently use.
8. Monitor Your Comments
One of the most important parts of managing your Instagram followers is being active in your comments. When a follower takes the time to leave a comment, the worst thing you can do is let it go ignored. Dig in and start replying.
As your Instagram following grows and you receive more comments, it’s difficult to manage it all within the Instagram app. It’s even more difficult for agencies or brands that handle multiple profiles.
That’s when a tool like Sprout comes in handy. You can use the Smart Inbox to see all your Instagram comments, reply and see your message history.
Another overlooked benefit of actively monitoring your comments is it gives you a chance to learn more about your most active followers. If you notice a certain follower tends to reply to all of your posts, you may want to get in touch with them to offer a special promotion or send them some company swag.
If you can make your audience feel heard and appreciated, managing your Instagram followers becomes much easier.
9. Get Context on Your Followers
If you have hundreds or thousands of followers, it’s difficult to recall who everyone is. Having some additional context about your users and your brand’s relationship with them can be extremely helpful for customer service or even lead generation.
Sprout gives you the ability to add contact details and notes about your Instagram followers, plus see their engagement history with your brand.
Having contact information makes it easier to address customer service issues, and follow up with potential leads. This is particularly helpful for any users you frequently interact with, or potential sales leads. It all goes back to building strong relationships with your followers.
Start Building Your Base
It all starts with that single person who follows your brand. Building, managing and maintaining a good follower base has obvious benefits. When you increase the trust of followers into your brand, you’re more likely to see these users turn into customers.
Always remember to engage and build a real following through great content and customer interactions.
Share your Instagram management stories in the comments section below!
This post 9 Tips to Flawlessly Manage Your Instagram Followers originally appeared on Sprout Social.
from SM Tips By Minnie http://sproutsocial.com/insights/manage-instagram-followers/
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