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homerforsure · 3 years

Text

Whumptober No. 5

betrayal / misunderstanding / broken nose

(Hockey AU)

***

He’d always thought the night Jay took the picture would be the worst of it.

Buck’s hands were clutching the rails of Jay’s iron headboard, where Jay had wanted them, where Jay had placed them after stripping Buck of his clothes, saying “Don’t let go.” His slow, sexy, predatory smile was the last thing Buck saw before the silky black blindfold was tied in place. Jay was gone after that, climbing off the bed, telling Buck how good he looked and what he thought he might do and Buck had arched into the words until he was begging to be touched.

“Be patient,” Jay had purred, appeasing Buck with a single finger drawn shiveringly down his thigh. Buck could feel that he’d climbed back onto the bed, but Jay was too far away and he wasn’t teasing; he just wasn’t there. Stretching out longer on the mattress, trying to find him, he’d said, “What’s going on up there?”

Then the flash went off, the bright light cutting through the thin fabric of the blindfold. Jay swore, “Shit. Fuck,” and when Buck let go of the bed with one hand (one hand because maybe he misunderstood, maybe it was fine, maybe he’d laugh and put his hand back and they’d-)to push the tie away, he’d seen Jay, crouched above him with his phone in his hand.

If he’d asked, Buck might even have agreed. He liked posing. He liked having his body appreciated. But Jay’s expression was the alarm of being caught red-handed and Buck knew, knew with a sinking feeling of dread and betrayal, that Jay wasn’t just taking a memento to savor later. He was taking a picture of Rangers center Evan Buckley, naked, smirking, and vulnerable, to use exactly the way those kinds of pictures get used.

Buck forced Jay to delete the photo, made him prove that he’d done it, and then had somehow managed to get himself dressed and down to the street to get a ride without throwing up. His face burned the whole drive home and for half of the night.

And that was the worst of it until five years later. In a new city. When Buck was finally playing the way he’d always known he could. When he was finally earning the respect of his team and the hockey world at large. When he started thinking he might stay. That was when the anonymously authored post was retweeted and reblogged and shared and gleefully discussed on all corners of the hockey internet.

MY WILD NIGHT WITH AN NHL ALL STAR

The Good, the Bad, and the Kinky

His agent’s was the first text he saw when he got done with practice: “Do NOT respond yet. Call me first.”

It had taken another couple messages before Buck realized what he wasn’t supposed to respond to and in the meantime, the texts kept rolling in. Half of them from numbers he didn’t even have saved in his contacts.

“Dude, is that shit true?”

“Are you okay?”

“Do you know who it is?”

“You dog 😜”

“You never told me you were into that 👀”

“Ignore it, Buck.”

“We’re all with you.”

“Fuck that guy.”

“Hey if you need something to take your mind off of it💋💋💋”

“Evan, Mike from the Tribune. If you want to set the record straight, please give me a call.”

From the looks on the faces of his teammates as they tried to pretend they weren’t stealing glances at him, they were getting messages of their own. Hen was the first one to start to approach him with a look of concern, but Buck avoided her, grabbing his bag and sneaking out the door without bothering to hit the stationary bike like usual.

“What the hell did you do to piss this guy off?” Geoff said as soon as he answered Buck’s call. “More importantly, what else does he have on you?”

“Nothing!” Buck answered, nearly merging directly into another car as his hands shook on the steering wheel. “What do I do? How do I fix this?”

“I don’t know, Buckley. None of my other clients get up to shit like this. You need to get yourself a publicist. I’m going to get in touch with Grant and make sure they’re not already shopping you.”

His agent hung up and Buck’s phone continued to buzz and chime all the way back to his apartment.

There were cameras outside which there almost never were. Mostly only hockey fans cared about pictures of hockey players and the press was limited to the arena and their official events. Maybe one or two regular guys who Buck knew by name. It was just his luck that he lived in LA where there were almost more cameras than there were disasters to photograph.

“Buck! Do you know who the author is?”

“Have your teammates seen the post?”

“Are you worried about other former partners coming out with similar stories?”

Buck pushed past them, but the questions followed him inside. His phone didn’t stop. His mentions were a nightmare on every platform. He shut Twitter as soon as he opened it and saw his name in the trending topics. The statements put out by the Kings and Buck’s agent condemning the piece and the interest in it were drowned out by outlet after outlet picking up the post and sharing it out wider and wider.

Can you guess this NHL player by his sexcapades? (Hint: It’s exactly who you think)

Hockey players used to be the humble, hard working gentleman of sports. What happened?

Should the Kings trade Evan Buckley? Can they?

Nash should make Buckley sit for embarrassing the team like this.

Aw, man, don’t do that. Sitting’s a little tough for Buckley right now

🤣

And I thought it couldn’t get worse than the time he fucked that mascot in Carolina

{This post may contain explicit content}

😵‍💫

🤮

Excuse you, Gritty has standards

[98 more posts]

Whether from a latent masochistic streak or just because he didn’t want to look away and find that the story had gotten bigger while he was gone, Buck couldn’t stop refreshing the pages. He read Jay’s words over and over again as his stomach roiled. If it had all been lies, Buck wouldn’t have spent the morning pressed into the corner of his couch, hoodie pulled up over his head like armor. If it had all been lies, he could have made a fiery statement, condemning the mystery author and condemning everyone who thought they had a right to consume and critique another person’s sex life.

There were some lies, of course, but it was true enough that Buck’s heart clenched with it. True enough that he could remember how he felt when it was happening, during the three times they’d been together before the photo. Soft and desired and joyful. There was a part of him that was still exposed to Jay, that always would be, this man with the sharp wit and the sharp smile who got Buck bare, begging and biddable all to make him a joke. As he read the smug asides in the unforgiving narrative, he could hear Jay’s voice in his ear.

The sixth time he read it, there was an addition.

Edit: Ha ha wow this really blew up. Doing an AMA at 6 eastern if you’re looking for more dirty details.

And for the first time, Buck felt the burn of tears in his eyes. Furious. Powerless.

The buzz of his phone started making his skin crawl so he shoved it between the couch cushions and tried not to think about it. He sat with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around, rocking just a little as he felt panic creeping in.

What else could Jay possibly have to say? Would he make up more and more audacious lies as long as he had an audience? Would an NHL team want to touch Buck when he was done?

Were there more pictures?

It was the fourth night, the night that Buck caught Jay. Not the first night with the blindfold. What if? Buck shuddered, sinking lower, deeper into the couch, folding himself tighter and smaller, trying to crush the mounting, hopeless fear. He was there for a long time.

When the gentle knock hit his door, Buck jumped and then crouched tighter into his ball. He didn’t answer. There was no one he could face right now.

The knock came again.

Then the door opened.

Buck was up like a shot, nearly falling over the coffee table as he whirled around toward the intruder. Eddie stood in the doorway, holding up one empty hand and pulling his key out of the door with the other.

“Just me.”

“What are you doing here?” Buck asked, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie to hide the fact that he’d been digging his nails into his palms for the last hour.

“Well, you took off. And you weren’t answering your phone.”

Hot shame flushed across Buck’s skin. Eddie knew. Eddie had seen the article and the articles about the article and the tweets about the articles and been shouted at by the cameras outside and Buck wanted to sink into the floor.

“Notice you didn’t take the hint.”

The attitude in Buck’s response didn’t faze Eddie at all, “Do I ever?”

And that almost made Buck feel like smiling, because no, no he didn’t. He said, “No. But there’s always a first time.”

Eddie came a little further into the apartment and Buck felt crowded. Eddie always seemed to take up so much space around him. Maybe it was just that Buck felt his presence most strongly than anyone else’s. Especially when he was like this: arms crossed, focused, not letting Buck wiggle out of a conversation that he didn’t want to have.

This time was no exception. When Buck turned and went back to the couch, compulsively refreshing the comments on Jay’s post again as he went, Eddie followed right after him.

“I came by to make sure you were okay,” he said and Buck flinched again, hating that Eddie knew. Hating that the team knew.

“I’m fine,” he answered, keeping his eyes down and away from Eddie. “Coach is going to rip me a new one tomorrow, but my agent hasn’t called me to tell me I’m being traded so yet so I guess that’s-”

“Who the fuck said you were being traded?” His voice was loud enough that Buck looked up, surprised to see the intensity of anger in Eddie’s face.

“THN. NHL Network did a round table on it too, but they didn’t think anyone would take me. Oh, then Kirk Davis did a radio interview.”

Everyone had picked up those soundbites. Even through the heavily bleeped broadcast, the future hall-of-famer’s opinion on Buck had been crystal clear. At least that wasn’t new information for Buck. Davis had all but refused to shake Buck’s hand when he first joined the Predators and was a big part of why his tenure there had only lasted until the trade deadline.

“Kirk Davis is a fucking asshole. There’s a reason they never made him captain.”

“He’s not the only one who said it.”

“Then he’s not the only fucking asshole out there.” When he didn’t respond, Eddie came around the couch to stand face to face with him, noticing the open comments page as he did. “Christ, have you been reading that shit all day?”

Somehow it made Buck laugh. “It’s the same shit I’ve been reading for 8 years. Since I got drafted. Buckley’s a distraction to his team. Buckley’s an embarrassment to the game of hockey. Buckley cares more about getting laid and partying than he does about winning. It’s guys like Buckley that hurt the NHL.”

His voice pitched up as he recited the familiar accusations, staring somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder because Eddie already knew all this about him. Eddie was the opposite of Buck in every way. He would never make himself the center of attention. He’d never do anything to make his teammates ashamed to play with him. He’d never be so stupid as to go home with a guy like Jay.

“Buckley’s finally getting what he deserves.” Buck whispered.

“Look at me,” Eddie said. When Buck couldn’t, Eddie reached out, setting a light hand on his shoulder that got tighter when Buck tried to shrug out of the hold. “Hey. Look at me.”

He moved his head into the space where Buck was staring into the middle distance and waited. Until Buck couldn’t help but flick his gaze to meet Eddie’s. Once he did, he found a furious compassion that startled him.

“You don’t deserve this, Buck. You did nothing to deserve this. It is not your fault. Nobody in our room thinks it is. Bobby doesn’t think it is.”

Buck shuddered under the weight of the words. He wanted to pull himself free and he wanted to step in closer, “My agent told me I should own it. Post a couple thirst traps and a middle finger on instagram and just wave it off like another classic Evan Buckley weekend.”

There was a time when he would have. Times when he had. But this wasn’t a ridiculous paparazzi photo outside a bar, it was… It was private. It hurt.

As if reading his mind, Eddie said, “That’s not what this is. Fire him if he wants to make you pretend this is okay.”

“I just keep thinking if I was anyone else. If I was someone good, they’d all go after him and not me. I didn’t even do anything to him, Eddie. I didn’t-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Eddie tugged him forward and his arms were tight around his back. Buck should have tried to fight it, but he couldn’t help but fall against his chest and cling on. “You are someone good,” Eddie said, making Buck’s breath hitch. “And if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter. It’s wrong. They’re wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have trusted him,” Buck confessed into the soft fabric of Eddie’s shirt. “I was so stupid back then. I just wanted- I wanted him to like me. And I’m still- It still hurts that he didn’t. How fucked up is that? He did this. And I still just wish he liked me.”

One of Eddie’s hands moved up to cradle the back of Buck’s head. They were swaying, just a little, Eddie rocking them gently. “I know,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

He managed to keep from crying, but Buck couldn’t stop his breath from coming out in soft, stuttering gasps. Couldn’t keep his fingers from digging into Eddie’s back. If he thought about it, he could imagine this post too (Evan Buckley cried like a baby on my shoulder AMA), but Eddie would never do that. The warm heat of him against Buck’s chest was like a blanket hiding him from the world. It was the most vulnerable he’d been all day and the most sheltered.

Eddie didn’t let go until Buck pulled back and even then he didn’t go far, “Have you eaten since practice?”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to without throwing up,” Buck said honestly.

“Do you want to order something from-”

The timer on Buck’s laptop shrieked and they both jumped. Eddie recovered quickly, but Buck’s heart leapt into his throat. He’d almost forgotten. How could he have forgotten? Pulling away from Eddie, he turned off the timer and refreshed the post, looking for the link he knew would be there.

“Come on, Buck, really?”

Eddie reached out to slam the laptop closed, but Buck shoved his hand in the way. “I have to, Eddie. He’s doing an AMA. I have to-”

“I’m not going to let you torture yourself reading what a bunch of sick assholes have to say, Buck. No way.”

“I have to.”

“No, you-”

“Yes, I do!” He shouted it, standing up to look Eddie in the eye. “I have to read it. I have to see it now because if- if- if I wait and it gets reposted- I have to know if he has- I have to-”

“Buck,” Eddie said, putting his hands on Buck’s arms, trying to rub calmness back into him even as Buck’s heart-rate accelerated. “What does he have? What could be worse than what he already-”

“Pictures,” Buck yelled. “I have to know if he has pictures.”

A dark, dark look came over Eddie’s face and he stopped rubbing Buck’s arms to squeeze instead. “You think he has pictures?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Buck whimpered. He saw himself as if from above, stretched out long and lewd against Jay’s sheets. He imagined ten thousand other people seeing it. “He took- I caught him taking one. Once. But I don't know if it was the only one. I don’t- I can’t let them get out. If he has them, I have to know. I have to report the post. I have to-”

“No,” Eddie said.

“Yes, Eddie. I have-”

“I hear you. Okay? I hear you, but I’m not letting you do that. I’m not letting you put any more of that garbage in your head.”

“Eddie.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll report every goddamn post.” Lifting one hand, Eddie stroked a thumb softly along Buck’s hairline. “Let me do it. Let me protect you.”

Buck swallowed hard, fear and relief and longing fighting for control of the tears that were building up again. He didn’t want Eddie to see any of that. He didn’t want Jay’s words in Eddie’s head. But Buck really really didn’t want them in his own. He wanted someone to protect him. “Thank you,” he said, falling forward again to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie replied, rubbing his hands firmly up Buck’s back.

Eddie wouldn’t let Buck sit on the couch while he monitored the thread. He fished Buck’s phone out of the couch and made him answer the important messages. From Maddie. From Bobby. From Hen and Chimney. Then he’d told him to order food from the Lebanese place they always ordered from when Eddie came over, asking for extra of the pickled turnips. All the while, Eddie’s fingers slammed onto the keyboard, that sound the only reaction he gave to any of the posts.

It should have been unbearable, letting Eddie comb through the messages. Even without seeing them, Buck knew what they were like. He blocked people every week for the same kind of thing. But Eddie had a defense against them that Buck never had: he didn’t believe they were true. Not even a little bit. He didn’t believe there was a chance that Buck was getting what he deserved for being a show off, for never being a points leader, for being open and soft hearted, for being himself. Eddie believed Buck deserved to be protected and he was ruthless about it.

“No pictures,” he said, a while later, when Jay had finally stopped replying to every comment on the page. “And the rest of it is… well. It’s nothing new.”

“Really?”

“Really. I think it’s done.”

Eddie closed the laptop as if by making that gesture of finality, he could make the words true. Buck, allowed back on his own couch, let himself believe it too. Let himself lean into the safety of Eddie’s arm over his shoulders, breathing in a deep sigh of relief as they caught the Canucks game.

The next morning, Jay’s story was hardly anywhere to be seen. It was replaced. By an essay in The Players’ Tribune. It excoriated Jay. It called out Kirk Davis by name and hundreds of online posters by their bad intentions. It praised Buck’s grace, tenacity, and backhand shot and it demanded respect and compassion and privacy from anyone who called themselves a hockey fan. And it wasn’t anonymous.

#whumptober2021 #no. 5 #betrayal #fic #911 #hanging out at the angst end of the spectrum #911fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #hockey au #allison can’t write a short fic to save her life #minimal edits #messy ending #questionable formatting #230 am #😴

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miracleonice87 · 4 years

Text

Begin Again

a Mathew Barzal song fic

a/n: a one shot based on “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. obviously I don’t own any of Taylor Swift’s music/lyrics! I’m not even a big Swiftie anymore (edited: lol dying bc I wrote that before she released folklore and evermore and sucked me RIGHT back in) but I love her “Red” album and always listen to it in the fall. also, the NYC traffic/parking/location situation in this is purely fantasy BS, lol.

summary: Mat Barzal meets Hayden Parker (fictional) in a coffee shop, and they start something new.

warnings: swearing. talk of a concussion/migraines/weight loss — otherwise, complete and total fluff.

______

With a deep breath, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror hanging near your front door before you left your Brooklyn apartment. You hadn’t worn these heels for several seasons now — he hadn’t liked it when you wore high heels. You had let his opinions — on your clothes, shoes, music, books, movies, and friends — dictate how you lived for too long. You smirked now, admiring how the pointed-toe snakeskin stilettos looked paired with your raw cut black jeans and silky pink blouse. He would’ve hated this look (“too gaudy,” he would have said), which made you love it that much more.

You popped in one AirPod and flipped the inside lock on your door before pulling it closed. You made your way down the hall as the lyrics started to flow.

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range

His horse and his cattle are his only companions...

You fought the urge to roll your eyes thinking about your former flame’s constant unwarranted comments about this classic ballad which often wafted through your apartment from the record player in the living room.

“I don’t get this song — like, is he singing to himself?” he would ask. You never bothered to tell him the real background and meaning — you loved the song, and you got it. You always had.

Emerging from the main entrance of your building, you hummed along to melodies from your favorite playlist, and walked the three or so blocks to your destination. Soon, you were stepping in from the bustle of the street to find solace in an only-slightly less busy coffee shop, one you had come to frequent because of its location — sandwiched within the six blocks between your apartment and the fashion magazine where you were interning this semester.

“Hi, one large double shot mocha, please?” you requested, stepping up after the man in front of you paid for his order. You tapped your AirPod to pause your music, just in time to hear: “Nice shoes.”

You lifted your head and glanced toward the pick-up section of the counter, where a classically handsome man in his twenties stood donning a well-tailored navy blue suit. Your heart lurched in your chest as you realized he was looking straight at you.

“Me?” you inquired softly, just to be sure, as you slipped your bank card back into your wallet. He nodded, smiling. “Yes, you. Nice shoes.”

You bit your lip involuntarily, slowly walking his way to wait on your coffee. “Thanks. You’ve got nice style yourself,” you complimented, and you were surprised by your own boldness in that moment. Something about his confidence made you confident, too. And something about his model good looks seemed unsettlingly familiar somehow.

He extended his hand as you took your position next to him. “I’m Mat,” he greeted. You couldn’t help but smile, nearly breathless from his innate charm.

“Hi, Mat,” you replied, engaging his handshake. “I’m Hayden.”

“Hayden. Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Mat mused, holding onto your hand for just a moment longer than was customary. You knew it was silly — God, was it silly — but you felt yourself blush at his flattery.

“Large Americano,” a barista called out. Mat stepped forward, thanking her and stuffing a bill — you couldn’t help but notice that it was a large one — into the tip jar atop the glass pastry display. He turned back to you as he unfastened the lid and blew gently on his coffee. Another thing you couldn’t help but notice — his perfect pink lips.

“So, Hayden, are you a native New Yorker?”

Hmm, you thought. Why isn’t he running for the door after getting his drink? You decided to play along, feeling more daring than you had in ages.

“I am not,” you confessed. “I’m from Maine, actually.”

“Ah, still an East Coast girl,” Mat remarked with a grin. “I’m from the West — near Vancouver.”

You arched your brows. “Wow, Canadian, huh?” Mat chuckled.

“Born and raised. You know what they say, though: opposites attract,” he commented, hazel eyes piercing into you even as he took a cautious sip from his cup. You studied his face — he seemed more familiar with each word he spoke.

“They do say that, don’t they?” you retorted, skirting his inference. Just then, the barista set your mocha on the counter.

“Thank you so much,” you said, also pushing a tip into the jar, thankful that Mat’s attention was on grabbing a cup sleeve from the island nearby instead of on the much smaller bills you had to offer the staff.

You turned toward the island, too, reaching for the cinnamon. Mat offered you a sleeve as if it was second nature, and you graciously accepted, trying to relax the muscles on your face that seemed to have permanently turned upward into a smile since you’d been in the man’s presence.

Suddenly, you gasped.

“Islanders,” you whispered under your breath as Mat watched you stir your cinnamon into your drink. He froze.

“What?” he asked with a nervous laugh, wondering if he had heard you correctly. Your eyes darted around, making sure no one within earshot was paying attention.

“You play for the Islanders. Right?” you asked softly. He nodded, silent, ducking his head a bit; you began to backpedal.

“Oh, God... I didn’t mean - I, uh... I promise I’m not like a hockey fangirl, or anything,” you choked out, cheeks flushed. Your hands started to shake slightly as you replaced the lid on your to-go cup. “I just, uh, my brother. My brother played hockey. He always talked about you, and, uh, I just realized that that’s why I recognized you.” You winced.

“This... this isn’t as weird as it sounds, I swear,” you insisted. “It’s just that, my brother played in the Q. He was good, and, uh, I knew about all the other good hockey players, because of him.”

Mat’s demeanor had quickly changed — from slightly uncomfortable to giddy. He was smirking at you while you sputtered, taking a sort of masochistic pleasure in watching you squirm. His grin was infectious.

“What’s your last name?” he asked when you finally stopped talking. “Parker,” you responded, the two of you stepping away from the island and taking up residence near the front windows of the cafe.

“Parker... Parker,” he repeated. You were distracted by how good your name sounded falling from his tongue. Then, he gasped, too.

“Oh shit, your brother’s Nick Parker? Damn, how’s he doing?”

Your brow quirked as you watched the light flicker on in his eyes when he pieced it together. A National Hockey League star recognized your brother’s name, your name. What the hell was happening?

You cleared your throat, attempting to come back into orbit. “Uh, yeah, he’s good now. He, uh... it was a battle there for a couple years. He had migraines every day for about 16 months... lost a lot of weight. It was... it was tough,” you told him, your voice lowering noticeably. Mat watched you carefully, concern written all over his striking features. It was evident that Mat knew your brother’s story.

Your older brother Nick had been a top 20 prospect in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League as a teen, playing forward for the Halifax Mooseheads. But after a nasty late hit during a playoff game, he had been left with a debilitating concussion and, after a long period of unsuccessful rehab, had been forced to walk away from the game just as he was entering his prime.

Those troubling days hung like a thick, black fog over your family’s history, and you suddenly recalled being 15 again, cross-legged outside Nick’s bedroom door for hours, begging him to let you into the dark room to hold onto him as he cried, both because of the pain and because of the weight of his unrealized dreams. It had taken countless neurologist appointments, physical therapy, and your parents’ unwavering insistence that he regularly see a sports psychologist for him to return to some semblance of normalcy after a long road to recovery.

Now, minus the occasional treatable migraine, Nick was thriving. You beamed at the thought, your well-polished black nail picking at the corner of the cup sleeve on your mocha as you looked back to Mat and continued.

“But he’s finishing law school now, seeing a therapist and keeps himself in great shape, which helps. He’s getting married next summer to this great girl,” you finished, pride swelling in your chest at how far your brother had come. Mat’s eyebrows lifted, his worried expression morphing into elation.

“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Damn, I’m so happy for him. Tell you what, lotta guys wanted nothing to do with him when he was tearing it up. And we were all gutted for him after it happened.” You gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks,” you said softly. “I’ll have to let him know you said that.” Mat nodded, then pressed on. “Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell him myself one day,” he added brazenly, casually taking another sip.

No response came to your brain, so you curled your fingers around your own cup and took a long draw, eyes darting to the activity outside the window, Mat’s never leaving your unsure face.

The church bells chiming from a nearby steeple were the only thing that could pull Mat’s gaze from you, as he checked his large-face Rolex. He seemed angered by the time staring back at him, and he ran his hand aggressively through his hair as his eyes rolled just slightly.

“Listen, Hayden, I hate to do this,” Mat began with a sigh. “But we’ve got a game in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and the team plane leaves in like half an hour.”

You’re surprised by how deflated you feel in that instant, casting a downward glance at the shoes Mat had complimented only minutes ago, before you’d started feeling like maybe you’d known him your whole life.

A quiet, “Oh,” was all you could muster, still not meeting his eyes.

His hand then came to rest on your upper arm, and it’s only then that you noticed how big it was, long fingers curling easily around your bicep.

“But hey... I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Whaddya say we grab coffee here the next morning? Wednesday. Maybe 8?”

You turned your eyes upward to take in his face. He looked hopeful. He was hopeful that he’d see you again.

You nodded. “I’d love to, Mat. I’ll meet you here.”

Mat beamed, a relieved breath falling from his lips. “Good,” he commented. “I’ll see you then.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, leaving you reeling when he pulled away.

“Bye, pretty Hayden,” Mat said with a wink before turning and exiting the coffee shop, walking down the block to the Cadillac he’d just unlocked. He was still in sight when he glanced over his shoulder and threw you another breathtaking grin. You smiled back, frozen in place as you watched him drive away.

_____

Mat was going to be late.

At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself at some point within the last 48 hours.

He was either going to be late or he was going to stand you up altogether. So even though you woke up at 5:30 and initially felt the need to rush through your routine to get down to the coffee shop as quickly as possible, you didn’t. You forced yourself to slow down. Because Mat was going to be late. Or, he wasn’t going to be there at all.

So you were surprised when, after throwing on a red chiffon dress with tiny white flowers and a cognac leather jacket, you walked through the coffee shop door at 8:02 and heard, “Hayden!”

Your head snapped up.

At a corner table in the back of the shop was Mat, dressed in a smart grey sweater and distressed black jeans, a silver chain looped around his neck, standing to wave you over with a broad smile across his face.

He came. And he’d arrived before you did.

You walked over to Mat and he embraced you warmly, the two of you exchanging kisses on the cheek. He squeezed your elbow affectionately as you stepped back from him.

“Oh, here. Let me,” Mat said as he pulled your chair out and motioned for you to sit.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, his chivalry catching you by surprise. Once you were seated, he pushed your chair in slightly before taking his place across the table from you.

“I got you a mocha,” he told you, nodding at the cup in front of you. “Double shot, right?”

You nodded. “You’re sweet. Thank you,” you said, the two of you beaming at each other for a moment, lost in a daze.

“So how was the game?” you inquired, pulling you both back to earth. Mat cleared his throat before answering you.

“It was good! We won. It’s usually a tough battle with them but we kinda dominated, which was nice for a change,” he spoke, looking pleased.

“You score?” you asked teasingly as you sipped from your cup.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” he told you with a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Two goals and an assist.”

Your eyebrows lifted on your forehead. “Mat, that’s amazing! So my brother was right. You are good.”

Mat shook his head, trying to shrug you off.

“Ah, nah. I kinda think it had more to do with a good luck charm I met this week,” he remarked slyly. You licked your bottom lip before biting on it gently. Mat took notice, mirroring your motions as he stared at your lips.

“So, how’s work been this week?” It was Mat’s turn to deflect.

You told him how hectic it had been, with you arriving at the office around 9 and leaving at 6 on the day you’d first met, then departing after 7 yesterday, despite it being only a part-time internship in addition to the five classes you were taking online. He asked about your combination of on-campus and online learning throughout your college career in order to accommodate your dream internships, and he was already in awe of what a hard worker you were.

You pointed out that you weren’t the only one at the table with a crazy schedule, and you asked him how he balanced hockey with his personal life. He answered you easily, launching into stories about his teammates and his family and his friends who all kept him grounded in different ways. There was one name he kept bringing up — Tito. He told you that you’d have to meet him. Before you could hesitate, you said you’d like to. His visage brightened at that answer. He reminded you of sunshine.

He continued to regale you with a vast array of stories, stopping often to ask you questions and invite you to tell him stories of your own. It took a bit of time, but soon you were opening up about your own life — your parents’ recent and shocking divorce after 30 years of marriage, and your struggle with your grandmother’s death last fall.

It wasn’t all dark, though. In fact, most of it wasn’t. You also told him about the crazy theater actor roommate you’d had when you first moved into the city to study fashion at NYU, and how her frightening antics had eventually pushed you into accepting your uncle’s offer to pay for your own apartment in the city, as he was single and childless and had always delighted in spoiling you and your brother. You told him about your only two cousins on your dad’s side, two siblings bracketing you and your brother in age, and how the four of you were more like siblings than cousins. You told a slightly off-color joke at your own expense that most of your friends and coworkers would never laugh at, but it left Mat breathless, throwing his head back with boyish giggles flowing from his mouth like your favorite song. This caught you off-guard — you couldn’t believe he actually seemed to think you were funny. The last one certainly never did.

At some point, the conversation shifted to music. Mat’s jaw dropped when you told him that you own every James Taylor album on vinyl, after he told you that that’s one of his favorite artists of all time. He said he’s never met anyone who has as many James Taylor records as you. You simply shrugged. You explained that you and your mom have seen every tour James Taylor has been on since you were eleven and had started playing guitar. Mat’s eyes went wide — he told you that he dabbles in guitar, too.

After this, you quieted a bit. He noticed. It comes off to him as shyness, but you know what it really is. It’s fear. All at once you realize just how far you’ve let your guard down with this stranger. You’ve only just met this person, yet you have more in common with him than anyone you’ve encountered since moving into the city.

He sensed that something was off, so, in the silence, he reached a hand across the table and took yours in his grasp, stroking the back of it with his thumb. You looked into his mesmerizing eyes, and your hesitance melted.

After several more minutes of easy conversation, you check the time. You need to be at work in ten minutes.

“I’m sorry to be the one to break this up this time,” you started, and Mat sat back, looking understanding though disappointed. “But I’ve gotta get to work. Thankfully, it’s just right down the street.”

“Let me walk you,” Mat quickly insisted. You smirked at him, digging in your purse to find your office key.

“Didn’t you drive here?” you asked, chuckling. He simply shrugged. “Yeah, but if pretty Hayden works just down the street, I might as well walk her to the office and spend a few extra minutes with her,” he told you with a smug grin. You felt your cheeks get hot.

“Sounds good to me,” you admitted quietly. Mat nodded, then rose from his chair, reaching for his wallet to leave another tip.

“Thank you,” you said, putting your hand on his forearm tenderly. “For the coffee. For this.”

He smiled down at you. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

The two of you walked out the cafe door, which Mat pushed open even from behind you. You pointed in the direction of your office building and the two of you fell into step, side by side. Your heart leapt when Mat reaches for your hand. It felt unbelievably natural — which terrified you.

Your recent relationship history flashed through your brain all at once, like a film reel. Your brain screamed, “Slow down!” while your heart whispered, “Relax.” You weren’t sure which to believe. You opened your mouth to bring him up, to give a fair warning, to tell Mat that you might not be ready for... whatever this was.

Then, he started to talk about the movies that his family watches every single Christmas. You weren’t at all sure what had brought that subject to his mind — maybe your earlier questions about his younger sister back in Coquitlam — but you’re grateful for the diversion from your own messy mind. You decided to engage him on that topic instead, rather than bring up your last boyfriend who’d shattered you then walked away.

And for the first time in eight months, you decided to leave what’s past, in the past.

Like a pinball machine, Mat had already bounced to yet another new topic — his practice later this morning. As he finished a story about pranking Tito in the locker room after a skate last week, you bubbled over with giggles. He watched you with admiration and wonder coursing through his entire being. You eventually observed how he was gazing at you, and you sensed that he had something more important to say than his joke on his teammate.

“Hey, so, uh,” Mat started, clearing his throat. Your suspicion had been correct. “What are you doing tomorrow night, after work? We have a home game tomorrow at 7:30 and I, uh, I wanted to see if maybe... you wanted to go? I requested a ticket for you... just in case you want it. If you do... I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner after?”

The sentences Mat spoke seemed to be rolled into one giant question mark. His unwavering self-assurance had seemed to falter slightly for the first time since you’d met him, surprising you. You only needed a moment to consider your answer.

“I’d love to come watch you play,” you told him, wrapping your hands around his upper arm affectionately. You watched him exhale, a smile slowly overtaking his face.

“Thank God,” Mat breathed, making you both burst into hysterics as he leaned his head down to touch yours for a moment.

Bewilderment overcame you as you realized that you hadn’t felt this way about anyone in... you couldn’t even remember how long. You’d thought it might never happen again. That for you, this feeling might just be... gone.

You couldn’t believe that on a Wednesday, in a cafe, you’d watched it begin again.

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royallyprincesslilly · 5 years

Text

Title: Love, Maybe? {29}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Slow, Smoldering, Torturous Burn 😊, Heavy Angst

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

ALSO THIS IS FICTION AND NO WAY A PROPER INTERPRETATION OF ANYONE‘S CHARACTER.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 29: Turbulance Up Ahead

-Vixen-

The way they were looking at you made you want to bolt. You found yourself looking back to the gate you’d just walked through and estimated how long it would take you to get you and Ella out of there. You almost did too, but then you felt Nexus’ arm around your waist. You looked to her, and she had a sweet, reassuring smile on her face before she gave you a slight nod. You took a deep breath and straightened your back.

“No one makes me run scared. I’m a fuckin’ boss!”

The woman who must have been Chris’ mother stepped forward with a warm smile on her face. “Hi, welcome. It’s great to finally meet you all.” You looked to Nexus and exchanged a look with her that only the two of you could possibly decipher.

“Thank you—Mrs. Evans,” you began then held out the cake you’d spent all night stress baking. “For you and your family.” She smiled and marveled at the expertly decorated confection.

“Wow, this looks absolutely mouthwatering. Thank you, Vixen.” You nodded.

“Welcome all of you. I’m glad you all could come. We’ve all been looking forward to meeting you for weeks, and I, for one, am so glad the day is finally here,” she said with a wide smile on her face. She looked like she meant what she said. Most of you was sure about it, but there was that part of you that still held its guard up. Something had to give. There had to be real repercussions from your actions. You were prepared to come face to face with them here.

Chris began the introductions. He went through each of his siblings and their spouses and partners and then to his father, his second wife and his half-siblings. As he went through them, they all welcomed you with respectful words and smiles that you mirrored. Chris introduced Ella, but she refused to let go of your neck; in fact, her grip got tighter and tighter every time you tried to let everyone else get a closer look.

After all the introductions were complete, Ella had clearly had enough. Chris brought everyone’s attention to him. “Maybe let’s give her a little space, she gets really shy sometimes.” Everyone nodded and backed off, but you saw a look flash across Carly’s face before she looked away from you and walked away. It was a look that said she just might be the repercussions of your actions.

“Is she okay?” Chris stood beside you with a concerned look on his face as he looked down at Ella.

“Yeah, it’s probably just too much attention at once. Give her some time she’ll come out her shell. Isn’t that right little mermaid?” Ella smiled small but hid her face in your chest again.

“Same for you, give them some time, they’ll come out their shells,” Chris advised. You smirked and nodded. His name was called from across the lawn, and he rubbed the top of Ella’s head before he walked off. Nexus approached you again.

“You okay?” You nodded. What else were you going to say?

“Look.” She nodded over to your parents, who were already wrapped up in conversation with Chris’ father and her current wife. You snorted and shook your head. “Life of the party as always.” You nodded and kissed the top of Ella’s head. “Too many Evans’ right, baby girl?” You laughed at Nexus then heard your name being called. When you looked around, you saw his siblings all sitting together around an unlit firepit waving you over. You looked at Nexus and looped your arm with hers.

“We’re a packaged deal,” you said.”

“Sho nuff.” You laughed as the three of you crossed the grass over to them. The closer you got, the more nervous you became. As you approached they moved around, making room for the two of you.

“I love your outfit,” the dark-haired one said. You smiled and nodded. “Shanna.”

“Right, Shanna, I’m sorry.”

“No worries, there are a lot of us. I understand completely.” Her eyes fell to Ella, whose face was still buried in your chest.

“Shy?”

“Yeah, she’ll come out soon,” you assured and looked down at Ella. “I have an idea, princess; you see the flowers. They look so beautiful wanna go look?” She sternly shook her head.

“It must be overwhelming meeting so many people all at once. It definitely would have been an easier adjustment if she’d been able to do it gradually throughout her early life,” Carly voiced. Everyone became quiet. You looked at her but bit your tongue.

“Just takes some kids longer to warm up. I wouldn’t be worried,” you responded.

“No, she took to Chris like that,” Nexus added with a snap to emphasis how quick it was.

“Chris is a big kid himself,” Scott chided. His siblings laughed along with him.

“Chris says you’re a chef and restauranteur. Is that right?” You smiled and nodded at Shanna.

“Yes.”

“That sounds amazing. must be tough to juggle life as a mom and owning a restaurant,” she followed up.

“Uh, it can be. I have an amazing family, and they’ve supported me from the beginning. By now, I’ve got the hang of it.”

“Let’s see if you’re saying that when you have to split oversight of two restaurants in two parts of the state,” Nexus slid in.

“Two restaurants?”

“Yeah, I’m uh—close to the grand opening of my second one in LA,” you informed.

“Wow, impressive. I am bowing down,” Shanna joked. You smiled and continued to rock Ella.

“I can understand wanting to accomplish your goals on your own. Is that why you kept her a secret?”

Clenching your jaw, you fought the urge to pop off at her. You knew she was testing you, seeing just how much you’d take until you blew up. You almost felt as if she wanted you to flip.

“She was never a secret. She was just my business. As her mother, I made a choice at the time for her safety and best interest. A choice I stand by.” Your eyes never left Carly’s; you knew it could have been taken as confrontational, but you didn’t care.

“Got it. Right, Chris, mom?” You looked back and saw Chris and his mother standing there. Chris’ jaw was tightly clenched, but he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at Carly. The two of them found seats around the fire pit, and the tension that floated around was palpable.

Vixen, I snuck a piece of that cake, and it was delicious. I could taste the coconut in it, but it was so refined. I love it,” Mrs. Evans complimented. You smiled and nodded.

“Thank you. I’m happy you like it.”

“Do you do a lot of cooking?”

“Quite a bit. I cook every night for Ella and usually at the restaurant.”

“And you, Nexus?”

“God no, I do my best to stay out the kitchen,” she said with a ghastly expression on her face. everyone laughed.

“We’ll eat in another ten minutes unless you’re interested in it now, Mrs. Evans informed.

“Whatever you prefer is fine with me, ma’am.” She smiled warmly and looked at Chris.

Chris held out a flower to Ella and waited for her to take it. It took a whole, but slowly her hand came out to take the flower. She toyed with it then slowly lifted her head from your chest, allowing most to finally see her face. “Ank oo.” Those around melted with “aww” and “ohs.” This made her bury her face into your chest again. This would have been humorous if you weren’t already so damn uncomfortable. You decided then and there not to force her to embrace not a one of them. You held tightly to her and continued to rock her. She was your only concern. These people were either going to love you or hate you.

~~~~~~~

When everyone sat to lunch at the beautifully set table, conversation was scarce, and you felt it was because of you, but you focused on Ella, who was still glued to you. By lunch, she’d managed to keep her face out your chest and was eating her food on your lap. She wouldn’t even let Chris take her. You knew she would snap out of it, so you weren’t worried. Your parents easily made conversation with the adults around the table, and you were glad for it. They took some of the tension away. Every so often, you caught Chris’ eyes on you and Ella, and every time you did, you looked away.

You didn’t know how to behave here. You didn’t know if you were supposed to be the outgoing newcomer and ignore the enormous yellow bird that was ever present, or play the black sheep and shy away from attention and back down from conversation or were you supposed to be proving yourself to them. None of them felt natural; none of them felt like you. Toward the ending of lunch, everyone started asking you plenty of questions. They asked about what you liked to do, what you didn’t like, how you got into the restaurant business, how you juggled motherhood and work, and even questions about your life. It all seemed pleasant and genuine.

After lunch, you offered to help clean up, but Mrs. Evans refused your help stating you were a guest, and she wanted you to take it easy and enjoy yourself. So, you took the opportunity to show Ella the flowers. You knew she’d been eyeballing them all afternoon. In the sea of flowers, she allowed you to put her down. She touched every bud and marveled at all the colors and even tried to pick a few before you told her not to. Every so often, she pulled you over to a new patch of flowers, and when she dropped down to her knees to dig in the dirt, you laughed. It always amazed you her ability to find dirt to sink her hands into it.

Chris’ niece walked over blowing bubbles; Ella’s first reaction was to hug your leg and hide, but when the bubbles caught her attention she turned and watched them blow in the gentle breeze. His niece, Stella held out the bottle for her to try and she took it and tried blowing her own. Soon she and Stella were twirling in the bubbles and flowers as you sat and watched. One of Chris’ nephews came over with an even bigger bubble wand and handed it to you. You stood and began waving it in the air using the wind to blow the bubbles.

The girls squealed and giggled as they twirled in them. Their happy laughter brought the attention of those around, and they stood and watched. When you looked back you saw Chris standing with his siblings and watching as well. Carly looked to him then to you and nodded. It was then you looked away and continued producing bubbles.

As the sun began to set, Ella slowly came out of her shell and played with the other kids who looked just as amazed with her as she was with them. It was cute to see them play gently with her because of her size and have her be the rough one.

“I’m sorry.” You looked back and saw Carly standing there holding two full glasses of wine. Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself for round two.

“For what?” She came around and held out one of the wine glasses to you. Slowly, you took the glass and peered into it.

“I promise, it’s not poisoned,” Carly assured. You snorted and took a sip.

“Even if it were, it’d take a lot more than a little poison to kill me,” you cockily answered. Carly smiled and nodded and sat diagonal from you.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve acted since you arrived. It’s not how I was raised—how any of us were raised matter of fact, so don’t hold it against my parents.” You studied as you circled your finger around the chilled glass rim. The low hum it produced was one you loved.

“That’s a talent,” Carly added.

“I have many.”

She nodded and took a sip from her glass. “Since we found out about you and Ella, I guess I’ve gone into protector mode. I’m the oldest, and I’ve always thought of Chris as the baby who needed protecting from things. When he told us about you, I guess it rubbed me the wrong way, and I guess I felt I should protect him.”

“From me?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and took another sip from the wine and looked over to Ella, who was still engrossed in playtime with her cousins. The thought that she now had cousins made you smile.

“I’m sorry,” Carly repeated.

You didn’t answer. You thought about what you were about to say. Before you responded, Shanna, Scott, and their significant others came over along with Carly’s husband. The five of them looked between you and Carly as if this was a wild, wild west face off. The sound coming from your glass continued and intensified the mood of the moment. Chris walked over then and stood behind Carly.

“Everything okay?” Chris’ inquiry sounded like a warning to Carly, but his eyes were on you looking for any indication you wanted him to step in. You didn’t answer.

“Vix?” You heard Nexus from beside you and made your decision.

You took a breath and finished the glass of wine.

“Okay, I’m here. You all know the story. Go ahead, ask your questions.” They all looked at each other as if they didn’t understand what you meant.

“There has to be a whole list of questions you want answers to. If it were me, I’d have at least seven main ones. Chris can’t answer for me, so I am here. I will answer. I’d take the free pass it won’t be offered again.” The silence continued, and you looked around to each of their faces, avoiding Chris’ eyes. When your eyes landed on Carly, you knew she had her questions.

“Okay, I’ll go first. What kind of person hides a child for almost two years? This must have been a top one. I never hid my child. As I said, I made a decision based on the facts I had at the time and moved forward. I made a choice to protect my child and shield her from anything that would prove harmful for her mental and emotional health. I chose her stability over all else. Does that make me a horrible person, who knows? I made a choice and as horrible as it is to say I don’t regret the choice I made those years ago. It was the best one then.” You didn’t look at Chris; you kept your eyes square with Carly’s.

“Next question. Was I hoping to spring this out in the open, hoping for scandal and a huge payday? No. I have no interest in personal fame or celebrity, nor do I have any interest in anyone’s money but my own, which I make quite a fair amount of. Let’s see, did I do this to deliberately hurt Chris? No. In no part of this story did I think up ways to hurt him for anything. I can be a bitch, but I’m not a heartless, vindictive one. Hmm, oh, did I ever plan on telling him the truth? I’ve thought about this a lot over the last few months and before I didn’t know. Today though, I probably would have. There would have come a time where it would have happened, I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep something like this a quiet for her entire life.” You looked around again. His brother Scott has a small smile on his face while Shanna had a bigger one. When she looked to Carly her expression looked to have softened.

“That about sum up the majority of your questions? Does that give you an idea if you have to protect your brother from me? If not, let me fill in the blanks. I want one thing, and that is what is best for Ella, always have, always will. Yeah, I’m remorseful that you all didn’t get to know her, I’m saddened that my actions have made you distrustful of me, I really am. If you have to hate me fine, I will accept it; I’m stronger than I look. All I ask is that you don’t take it out on her or let your hate for me impact how you love her.” Without knowing it, your tears fell from your eyes. You put your glass down, stood and walked off.

“Vixen--,” Chris began, but you didn’t stop. You slipped through the gate you came in without a single idea where you were going. You didn’t care. You just needed to move.

~~~~~~

-Chris-

He was ready to flip a fucking table. It was too much to ask for that his sibling would behave. It was too much to ask for this meeting to go smooth. He knew everyone had questions and knew everyone was apprehensive when it came to her, but he honestly expected them to keep it low key. Guess he expected too much. He felt guilty like hell and was more than pissed at his family and made it very clear.

He gave each of his siblings a piece of his mind, Carly especially. He understood where she was coming from. She’d been his protector his whole childhood, and they were all closer than anything and knew it would be hard for them to get close to you, but he didn’t expect that. They all felt like shit now especially after everything you said and the fact that you ran out crying. Knowing that, his mother was the angriest of them all. She chewed them out good for not only being rude to a visitor but for going against everything she’d taught them growing up. She was so pissed that they were all on clean up duty, which meant trash, tables, dishes, sweeping and mopping, oh yeah real corporal punishment.

He went out driving to look for you but wasn’t successful. Nexus said that if you didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t find you. The fact that you didn’t know where you were, or your way around made him worry even more. He called your phone, but you’d left your purse. After an hour, he felt useless and found himself anxiously pacing the yard and shaking his legs when he sat. He wondered how pissed you were at him for this. Here he was telling you everything would be fine, and things were way past fine. You must have felt like he ambushed you.

For most of the time you were gone, Ella was occupied with his niece and nephew and other siblings that weren’t sentenced to manual labor with Nexus keeping a close watch. He knew she wasn’t entirely comfortable with everyone here, and Nexus’ close presence made it a little easier. Nexus was clearly annoyed with the turn of events and voiced this to him. She even went as far as to assure him it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t control his siblings but that he could have done more. When he confided in her the last argument or misunderstanding you’d had with him overstepping she understood his apprehensiveness with making the same mistake twice in that many days.

After almost two hours, Ella seemed to notice you weren’t around and began throwing a tantrum complete with tears, screams, and limb swinging. She wouldn’t even allow him to console her. She continued to scream for her mama, and the longer it took you to appear, the worse her meltdown became.

He saw your dress from the corner of his eye, and you quickly approached. Ella saw you and wiggled free from Nexus’ arms and ran to you. Without a word, you wrapped her in your arms, lifted her, and walked off to the garden. He sat there just watching you rock and bounce with her, hugging her close to your body. Slowly Ella’s cries died out. After ten minutes or so, she was quiet. Your voice could be heard singing a soothing lullaby to her.

Suddenly a swarm of lightning bugs surrounded you. Ella lifted her head from your chest and looked at the blinking creatures. She reached her hand out, trying to catch one, but it evaded her tiny grasp. She laughed, but he could hear the tears still in her voice. As more and more lighting bugs circled you, Ella became more and more interested in her attempt to catch one. Every time she tried, she came up unsuccessful. Soon you were spinning her in a circle as the lighting bugs flickered around you. It was a beautiful sight, one he was completely mesmerized by.

In this moment, he felt things he’d never felt before, not fully. All those years ago, he’d felt the stirrings of it, but he’d nipped it in the bud as quick as he could. He’d pushed it away and chalked it up to infatuation with the sex, or your body. Sitting here now, he saw the error of his thinking. He knew what he felt, and it had nothing to do with sex or your body. He glanced down to his hand and saw it shaking. As he flexed it he found himself looking back to you and Ella. The joy on your faces felt like everything he’d ever wanted.

“Does she know you’re in love with her?” He looked up to see his mother’s smiling face. He scoffed and flexed his shaking hand again, but it didn’t steady.

“I don’t see how she could. I just figured it out myself.” His mother smiled wider and sat beside him and watched you and Ella as well.

“You should tell her sooner rather than later.”

“Just like that, huh. I should tell my daughter’s mother, who my only connection to is through that child, that I have feelings for her?” His mother nodded.

“Love is more than feelings, honey. The love I see radiating off of you is the love you settle down for, the love you sacrifice for, the stuff you die for—true love.”

“It’s probably your fault I love Disney as much as I do,” he joked. The two of them laughed together until it slowly died down. Again his eyes were glued to you.

“Carly told me what she said.”

He sighed and nodded, remembering the whole disaster. “Yeah, it was bad.”

“It was, but with it, I no longer believe she has ill intentions toward you or anyone. Your siblings believe it too,” his mother assured. He scoffed.

“Maybe they should have figured that out before making her cry.”

“Yeah, that would have been a better idea. Don’t worry; I’ll smooth it over.” He looked to her as she smiled.

“You should tell her how you feel, especially since I’m sixty to seventy percent sure they’re not unrequited feelings.”

His mother stood and walked over to you. His jaw remained dropped for several minutes. He sat and watched the friendly interaction. It meant a lot that you and his mother got along. She was a huge part of his life. Her approval meant a lot. You looked over to him and slowly walked over to him, somehow still rocking and bouncing Ella. Once to him, you stood there still rocking.

“Uh—can you hold her? She’s seconds from falling asleep. All you have to do is do what I do, and she won’t know the difference.” He stood and studied the coordination and began mirroring it. You nodded.

“Good, get into a groove, I’ll pass her off, try not to stop. He nodded. After a few seconds, he nodded, and you stepped closer to him and handed Ella to him. his coordination faltered, and Ella stirred and began fussing.

“Shhhh. It’s okay, baby.”

Your arms wrapped around his triceps and bounced and rocked with him, giving Ella the impression it was still you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Your eyes met his, and there the two of you stood rocking and bouncing together closer than you’d ever been since the night you’d made Ella with the product of that encounter between you. “Vixen--,”

“Shh, she’ll wake. You got it.” You slowly backed away and watched him keep the same tempo you did. You nodded and softly smiled as you looked between them. “You’re a natural.” With that, you turned and walked back to his mother who’d seen the entire thing. The two of you disappeared further into the garden, and he was left there to look around at all the eyes that were on him who’d clearly seen the exchange.

~~~~~~~

-Vixen-

You were no longer nervous. The walk helped calm you down, and the walk also helped with you regaining your cold exterior. When you returned, you felt more in control, but now sitting before Chris’ mother, you felt those nerves returning. You didn’t know if it was because of her presence of the encounter with Chris a while ago. You sipped from the glass of wine before you and took a breath.

“You have a beautiful home.”

“Thank you, Vixen. I appreciate that.” Her smile was warm, and her words were kind.

“Let me apologize for my children. I am deeply and sincerely sorry for how they’ve behaved. I am not going to sit here and make any excuses for them. How they behaved was wrong, and I am ashamed of them. I promise it’s not the way I raised them.” You studied her and saw she meant it.

“I appreciate the apology, Mrs. Evans. It’s not your apology to give though, but it means a lot that you’d still offer it. I don’t blame you at all. I know you raised them well; Chris is amazing.” Before you knew you said it, you’d said it. His mother studied you with a small smile.

“How so?” She took a sip from her glass. You bit your bottom lip and drank some of your wine. She waited for you to answer, and you knew you weren’t going to get out of this.

“Um, well—just the impression I get from the public and articles and things like that. Also, he’s been great concerning Ella and the transition with everything. He’s—stepped up in a big way. A way many wouldn’t have or a way many wouldn’t have been so successful at. Ella adores him, and as you can see, it takes her some time to warm up to people.”

“You have a wonderful little girl there. She looks a lot like Chris, it’s incredible.”

You nodded your agreement, and silence fell between you again.

“Vixen, when Chris first told me I was confused and very wary of your intentions and character but having you here tonight and observing you not only with your family but mine and with Ella then hearing how you put Carly in her place, which is exactly what you did. It took guts to do that, especially while not being on your home turf. I understand the courage it took even to come here knowing what could have happened. It shows your bravery, but also your want to make things right any way you can. I respect a woman who admits she’s made mistakes but owns up to them and shows conviction when those mistakes are questioned. I respect you and am certain you have no ill will for my son or our family. I think quite the opposite actually.”

You felt like a huge weight had been lifted off not only your shoulders but your heart.

“I’m sure we’ll grow to be great friends, Vixen. I look forward to getting to know you better.” You flared your nose, trying to keep the tears back, but they spilled free.

“I’m sorry.” She stretched her hand out to the one left on the table.

“No need for sorry. I can imagine the stress you’ve been under. I don’t want to be an added one. I want to move forward. I believe you know you made a mistake, and I don’t believe in pounding someone’s head in their mistakes. You were young; you’re older, wiser. You’re a different person, and this person I want to know. You’ve made my son a father. You’ve given him and this family a great gift. Somehow it all feels complete now. I prayed for this for him for so many years, and you’re proof prayers do get answered.” She was emotional as well. The two of you giggled together as you cried it out.

The night had definitely taken a turn—slightly for the better.

When you walked back out with Mrs. Evans, who’d insisted from this day forward, you referred to her as Lisa because she was no longer Mrs. Evans and trusted you much more many eyes fell to you. Chris was still rocking and bouncing Ella in his arms, but he was now talking to your family. You went around and said your goodbyes. You’d had enough, and it was time to go. When you made it to Chris, he must have known because he nodded and began walking with Ella. You saw him trying to continue the bounce and rock, but he looked a hot mess. Keeping the laugh in you followed along to the gate, you saw his siblings inside and remembers something your mother said to you when you were a child.

“Don’t ever give them the benefit of thinking they have you running with your tail between your legs.”

With your head held high, you walked to the deck interrupting whatever they were talking about. They all looked to you with a shocked and shamed look on their faces.

“I wanted to say it was nice meeting you all. Thank you for your hospitality, have a good night.” You didn’t give them a chance to respond. You turned on your heels to see Chris watching with a protective look on his face, one that looked as if he were daring his siblings to say something.

“Ready?” You nodded and walked ahead with him following close behind. You needed rum, and you needed it badly.

~~~~~~

After getting back to the house, you said goodnight to your parents. You and Nexus sat for a while to make sure you were okay. She allowed you to vent and even vented with you. She was right there with you on how pissed she was. She never once called you crazy or even tried to downplay your anger or hurt. She even assured you that you’d handled it right when you expressed worry that you’d flown off the handle way too quickly and had one past the cuckoo’s nest. She told you how crazy Chris went trying to find you and how upside down he was worrying he hadn’t done enough to stand up for you or prevent it. She told you about him putting his siblings in their place hard once you bolted. Everything she said made you even more confused. You didn’t want him fighting your battles, and he was right not to step in, but hearing that he did didn’t make you angry. It made you feel the opposite.

You took a long, hot shower, but you were still wired. So, you went back downstairs and searched the kitchen for the alcohol. He had to have alcohol.

“Looking for this?” You spun around and saw Chris’s shadow in the darkened doorway and nearly passed out.

“Oh my god, you can’t sneak up on a black woman, Chris!”

“What were you going to do? Throw a lemon at me?” You looked in your hands and saw a small lemon. Rolling your eyes, you put it back in the basket.

“I have a nasty arm,” you defended. “Totally better than Manning, and Tebow. He snorted and nodded his head as if he didn’t believe you.

“You’re gonna have to prove that one day.” You smiled. “Come on; I’ll pour you a glass.” He walked back through the door leaving you standing there to think about it. Without much thought, you followed him outside. You didn’t see him around the pool but saw him to the right of the house. You followed, crossing the lush green grass until you got to him.

“Where are we going?”

“Remember that place I told you about?” You nodded. “That’s where. It’s not far, don’t worry.”

After a few minutes of walking on an incline, you saw a gazebo and smiled as you stepped up onto it. Chris took the lead and sank into the swing with a groan. You sat down and crossed your legs, sitting crisscross style. You didn’t care that your thighs were on full display.

“Look.” You looked to where he pointed and could see a lake.

“Woah, you live close to a lake?”

“One of the selling points. It’s semi-private, and I’ve been known to take a few dunks in there with my niece and nephews.”

“Wow, you have a great little slice of heaven here, Evans.” He held out a glass to you, and you took a hearty sip recognizing the bourbon taste. It wasn’t rum, but it would have to do.

The two of you sat quietly for a long time just enjoying the silence, the view of the lake, and the smoothness of the bourbon. After about twenty minutes, Chris sighed.

“I’m sorry, Vixen. I had no idea that would happen or go down like that. I don’t even know what to say. They shouldn’t have treated you like that,” he rushed out.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize; it wasn’t like it was you. You have no control over them. I don’t blame you. It’s fine.”

“How are you so chill about this?”

“I had my two hours to stew and cry and think. Then I had an additional hour with Nex to vent. This is a total of three hours of digression you’re witnessing.” He smiled and continued to drink.

“The funny thing is I get it, Chris. I went in there expecting that. I prepared for it. You thought it would be puppies and rainbows, but I didn’t believe that. I understand where she’s coming from, and I get their need for caution. I understand completely that in their eyes, I am public enemy number one. I did a shitty thing, and the shitty thing I did was to their beloved brother. A guy who didn’t deserve it, a pretty great guy. That was the only way they could be.”

“I should have put them in their place before you went off.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you recognized me needing to handle it myself. I’m not some damsel in distress. Although I do appreciate you stepping in after the fact, it was—sweet, and it means a lot. Thank you.”

He nodded and looked down to his glass before he finished it. “You’re something else I tell ya’. Never in a million years would I have expected you to go off like that by drawing the fire to you. You single-handedly lit the fire, fanned the flames and doused kerosene on it before you walked off to leave it blazing out of control.” You snorted and laughed loudly. Looking back, that is precisely what you did.

“Yeah, I’m a modern-day Ghost Rider.” Chris laughed then. The sound of your laughter together sounded like it belonged.

“I’m serious. I’ve never been more impressed, scared, and turned all at the same time in my entire life.” You looked at him hearing him say you turned him on. Chris closed his eyes and made a face.

“I didn’t mean--,” he began before you cut him off.

“I know, I know what you meant.” He nodded, and silence fell between you again.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” You sighed and finished your glass.

“I’ve never been very good at biting my tongue or censoring. I think it’s my one fatal flaw.” Chris laughed again.

“I think my fatal flaw is I’m too good at biting my tongue. I’m too good at censoring,” he countered. You studied him and wondered what exactly he meant. “In my world, acting, being in the public eye, you have to understand what to say when to say it what not to say and how to give off the idea of one thing while being the opposite. It’s a game and a trick, and because of that, I guess I’ve gotten very good at it and find myself biting my tongue at times I shouldn’t. Only thing is I don’t realize it until long after the moment.”

You nodded, fully understanding what he meant. It happened to you too. You held your glass out for him to refill. When he poured, he stopped at a half glass before you motioned for him to continue. Once your glass was filled to the top, you took a sip.

“You’re a great mom, Vixen. Ella is lucky to have you.” You looked at him at the same time he looked at you. “I’m lucky that Ella has you.” Your heart was literally expanding right in your chest, you could feel it, and you just knew it was a matter of time before you did something stupid. “She couldn’t have a better mom,” he finished.

Your body swayed closer to his. Quickly, you snapped your head forward to look at the lake again then took two heavy gulps of the bourbon before you blew out to cool your inflamed taste buds. You then dropped your head onto his shoulder and let the silence take over again. This was enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#love maybe fic #Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #Chris Evans X black reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #angst fanfic #slow burn fanfic

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maikatc · 4 years

Text

Black Sun Tale | A Child

we’re back baby !! and better than ever since boy does part two have a l o t. i was able to finish majority of the section during my hiatus and i hope you all love/feel so much pain in these events as much as i do!

remember this is only a first draft with only minor edits, but with that, enjoy! comments and reception are heavily appreciated

This isn’t gonna end well. The thought repeated itself over and over as Oliver scraped a pencil against his paper.

Birds chirped against the window. Their singing reached directly to his ears, and the office desk he worked on laid besides the porch’s side window. The sole reason being that his mother could gaze at the outside view to distract herself from paperwork, on purpose that is.

The boy’s focus on his words didn’t bother to fix up the curtains, afternoon sun shining against his pale eyes. His sight burned though stomach pains numbed his entire body to even notice.

A broken pocket-watch ticked at the side, breaking silence along with the birds. The out of time tune still held no bother to him.

The essay he wrote was… choppy, to say the least. Though, considering the class and grade he held, a childish essay would be an A in the gradebook.

He swapped through previous drafts and desktop computer facing him. The paper was almost done in his eyes.

He mumbled as he typed, “That’s why the cotton chine was just as important as anything else during the old ages… print.”

The events of the week prior lingered in his mind. In his head, Ayu’s decision must’ve already been a rejection. No doubt entered his mind on the option.

His mind etched on returning to the boy’s home, even after failing to realize said boy’s problems and risking his life in the process.

Then again, Ayu also didn’t kill him on the spot. And the more he thought, the image of Ayu’s concerned face, his eyes drooping and mouth bitten down as he gave a hand to him, it stuck to Oliver with the sole words,

“I’m not gonna leave you alone like this.”

… Paying back wouldn’t be so bad.

The printer beeped as a message rang in his phone buzzed for a message. He flinched at both sounds going off, growling as he picked up the phone first.

The messaged revealed to be from his mother,

I’m going to be back from work later than usual, sorry about that

But I prepped some food for you to have for dinner luckily! Hope you have a good day (11:54pm)

Oliver stared at the words. The brightness of the small text glimmered in his eyes.

He sighed, chucking the phone at cushioned chair in the corner. The traffic outside died down at the moment, leaving only the birds and clock to sing.

He shook off the day-old struggle and grabbed his paper from the printer.

***

“Oliver.”

“Hm?”

“How do you think of life right now?”

A small boy laid on his bed, barely reaching four feet. He played along with a new gift from his mother. His miniscule hands sored from the nylon after playing for long.

He lifted his head towards the boy across him, viewing his stature with his bowl-cut bangs and big green eyes.

The boy stood there, arms crossed. His skin was pale as a sheet. He covered up his left eye with his snow-white hair, while the other eye studied him with an ocean blue.

The streets outside bustled with noise from an ongoing festival. Though, the boy sat back, secluded in his own home to listen through a dense window.

“… What do you mean by that?”

He gestured at the window. “Your life… Do you like it?”

The boy tilted his head. “Of course, I do.”

“What do you even like about it?” He eyed him.

“Well,” the boy set down his instrument, setting his fingers to count. The left hand carried multiple papercuts from reading over and over. “I like my friends. I like my mom. School’s fun since people say I’m smart… I like T.V. and things I get and-”

The white-headed interrupted him with a short chuckle. “You like things, just like every kid I suppose.” He turned, pacing around the room.

The boy only sneered, “Wouldn’t you get that though?”

“… I assume so, yes. But it’s interesting to see kids grow to be so… people-caring. A shame for you and others.”

“What’s there to shame?”

“I-” the white-headed stammered. “It’s not so much to worry about.”

He avoided the boy’s eyes.

“Just… be careful when I’m not here.”

***

Another day on the streets, Oliver walked his way to a certain alley, ukulele in hand yet again.

The weather blew against his cardigan that day. Fall leaves flew left and right in fury, breezing past his hair and shoes in seconds.

Cold sweats dripped down his head. He paced and fidgeted during crosswalks.

He’s going to hate me. I’m gonna be a monster to him.

Thoughts kept spurring in his head. He itched towards his ukulele strap. His stomach cried all the same.

“Shut up,” he muttered, drifting off in the streets. That is, until he stepped towards the crosswalk of Pierdeli Avenue.

There stood a stubby woman. Her blue gown shined in beauty against the others standing, while her blonde hair laid kempt against her peachy shoulders. She stared at the cars with avid eyes, ignoring all those around her as they ignored her back.

However, Oliver stopped his steps as he approached her. He recognized her even from a blurry memory. “Alice… Are you here to talk with me some more?”

She blinked and shook her head. “Oliver! Forgive me for not noticing you pass by. The auto-mobiles are just fascinating to observe even after so long.” She gawked at the speeding car getting chased by the police. She ignored the police and went on. “And yes. I wished for more time with you and was just granted with all the free time in the world.”

A tacked-on smile was plastered to her face. “Right…” I get the cars, at least.

“Are you in a rush?” She faced him.

Oliver stuttered at the attention. “No, no. Not really.” He dug his hands to his pockets. “But you can still walk with me.”

“Ah, I see,” She nodded. Her excitement over the cars dying down by the second. “Pardon my intrusion then.”

The crosswalk light turned green as those surrounding them passed through. Oliver and Alice followed thus.

Her gaze continued looking over toward the streets as they walked in silence. Oliver’s words almost quivered out of his lips, though he hesitated for what to start with.

“Alice?”

“Yes,” she piped up.

“What exactly is going on with me?”

She stifled. “That’s…” sighing, “that’s what I expected you to ask, truly.”

“It was obvious, wasn’t it?” Oliver scoffed at her words. His eyes dabbled to the building walls, avoiding her expression over the answer.

“I can somewhat explain the factors; however, I’m still restricted on telling every detail…”

The boy pinched up, still ignorant of her face. He ordered, “Just tell me what you can.”

“Alright.” A hint of an accent could be heard from Alice, Oliver noted. British was all he could guess. Her voice gave a softer yet stern tone than his sweetly outgoing mother. Her voice was a different subject to focus on however, as he immediately snapped back once she began to speak again. “You… must do what you’ve already done for the rest of your life, I’m afraid. You’ll suffer more than just death if not.”

Her words were tense, as if her throat squeezed them out. They didn’t hit Oliver on impact, though his heart froze all the same. “There’s no way of stopping it, is there?”

She held back with an answer, only for her to breathe out, “No. There’s nothing at all.”

Alice kneeled down to him, halting Oliver midway in a mild-crossing sidewalk. People passed by the two of them with no batted eyes. She held him by the shoulders and focused on his eyes with her pale blue.

“Please believe me when I say this: None of this is your fault. You have the full right to blame this on me and my selfish actions or- God, I can’t even say his name.” She looked off with a painful smile. “Just- It was my own hasty actions that led this to happen. I’m deeply regretful and I apologize to the bottom of my heart… Do you understand?”

“I…” Fifteen seconds for an apology speech wow- “Yes. Yes, I do- Ma’am?”

The woman took her hands off his shoulders to hold his hands. She mumbled while staring down, “I know you must despise yourself; and I’m sorry for that as well.”

Oliver squirmed at the interaction. He leaned back as she froze to her own space. “Well uh…” his attention wavered, “no shit.”

She chuckled, letting go and standing up again. “Now, even if we’ve just met, you shouldn’t speak fowl words around me. I’m still your mother after all.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he mumbled, “’Isn’t that surprising that you try and censor me.”

They both took more steps together. Alice affirmed to him, “I’m only trying my best. After all, I haven’t been able to for the past eleven years…”

“… Why’d you put me in the foster homes?”

“That was someone else’s idea,” she instantly replied. “But I wanted you to at least have some kind of normality for the first years of life.”

Oliver’s face dulled. “And I’m guessing you weren’t ‘allowed’ to talk to me then?”

She nodded with no other explanation to her answer.

Oliver groaned. He took a breath to ask another question. “So, if you really are my mom, then where’s my dad? Wouldn’t he have something to do with this?”

“He’s…” she looked back, “not here anymore.”

“Oh, okay.” He replied to her with a calm stance, walking off without much of a reaction. “Kinda like the family I’m in now then.”

“Pardon?”

“My adoptive mom’s a widow too. My dad’s death was the reason she adopted me in the first place.”

“I see…”

“What happened to my actual dad then? Did he die from old age or something?” After all, Vittorino said you were ancient.

“Oh, no!” Alice exclaimed, “He didn’t pass from that. We were both similar to immortals. He simply passed due to circumstances.”

Circumstances…?

“Still,” she added, baring a faint smile, “your father was a great man. A bit of a dunce so to say, though endearing at best.”

Her smile brought Oliver to a suspicious stare. “… Why can’t I know so much about this?”

“Why?” She sighed. “Our leader doesn’t want you to discover much so fast. That’s all there is. However, you’ll be able to figure out many things as time goes along.”

Well, that’s helpful.” He chewed on his lip. “You know Vittorino, right?”

“Of course, I do. I’m the reason he watches over you.”

“What situation are you in that led you guys to know each other?”

“Oh… you have the first half at least.” She cleared her throat, taking a breath. “We’re both a part of a society that lets you be immortal. Though, in exchange, we have to kill somebody once a month; otherwise, we’ll be executed.”

Oliver froze. “I’m sorry, what-”

“I understand it’s absurd. Our leader himself is absurd, after all,” she jeered. “But at least he gave us a ‘break’, so to say, on that.”

“You’ve killed people too, then?”

“Yes.”

“And is that why my dad died?”

Her lips pinched together. “… yes.”

An awkward silence held them apart. The large crowds chattering away covered up their distance.

“There are two groups in our society.” Alice continued what she started. “There aren’t many First Eras left… We hated what we were doing, enough to kill ourselves. I’m one of the last ones, and the leader’s aide all the same.”

“How many of you are there left?”

“Five, including myself.” Her voice held no emotion with the statement. Oliver gulped at the amount.

“Then,” he shrugged off the concept, “what about the group?”

“Second Eras? They’re stranger to say the least. Our leader took most of them in when they were mere children, so they were raised to believe murder was moral enough.” She added, “They’re all disturbed. And Vittorino was the first of that era.”

Oliver raised a brow at her. “If you say he’s disturbed, then why do you leave one of ‘em to check up on me?”

Alice answered without a thought. “He was older than most when being taken, so he has a bit more sense to him than the others. Besides, he was the only one willing to out of boredom and favors. I would’ve gotten someone I trust more if she wasn’t an arse about it.”

“So Vittorino was a prick but was more willing than the other prick?”

“Practically.”

Oliver chuckled at her last comment. Though, it crossed his mind that a certain street faced him.

“Um, Alice?”

“I’m about to get to the place I’m going.” He pointed at Ayu’s street. “So, can you go…?”

She opened up with an, “Oh!” adjusting her hair. “Of course, I can.” She began to walk away from him.

“Goodbye then,” she waved, “I hope to see you soon.”

“Yeah,” he hesitantly waved back. “Thanks for the info.”

She disappeared with the crowds; Oliver stared in the distance. The answer he’d gotten in the walk boggled his thoughts. His mother was at least readable, yet restricted all the same.

The puzzle of his origins still floated in the air, close enough to reach, it was just a ‘leader’ that blocked out the useful pieces.

“Who the hell is the guy anyways,” Oliver muttered. Well, a dick out of anything.

He shrugged it off, along with the prior conversation as Ayu’s alleyway stood right in front of him.

In a turn, Oliver peeked through the opening with browned moss. Inside the small home, a lump sat in the middle of the ground.

Oliver tilted his head at the figure, bewildered. “Guess they’re not here…” He entered without another thought, pondering over the little lump.

It bared small little cloth fuzz that moved off from the gentle winds. Oliver leaned over for a closer look; its appearance began to manifest. From ahead, the lump formed to shape. And at the end of the wrapped-up figure was a big tuff of black hair brushing against Ayu’s dry skin.

Oliver backed up from his observations after realizing the lump was just Ayu. The boy fidgeted from his blanket as he slept. Murmurs filled Oliver’s ears. He didn’t bother trying to translate the sloppy whispers, instead sitting down by the sleeping boy.

Settling his bag, he grabbed his ukulele and began tuning. It didn’t take long for him to start strumming. The notes took him off-course from his mental state. It only took the matter of a few chords to bring some satisfaction.

He glanced around at his surroundings while playing. Ayu’s blanket seemed too thin and worn to get any good sleep; his calendar flew left and right that it was only a matter of time until it fell out its tape; and a small journal laid next to Ayu’s sleeping body, right there in the open.

Oliver put his playing at a halt. He placed his instrument down with careful sound, replacing it with the journal. He glanced down at Ayu with weary eyes. Though, after no signs of waking up, Oliver sneered at himself. He turned, hiding the journal from Ayu’s sight, opening it up to read through anything humorous.

First pages: Hilarious. Each held lackluster art. Long torsos, disturbing eyes, no feet, and anything else that could make a drawing off. The scribbles on the side left the artist looking illiterate. Oliver skimmed through it all with puffs of laughing breaths.

However, as the pages went on, the boy encountered pages full of sloppy writing. He squinted his eyes to get at least the beginning of some, though ultimately had to skip to recent pages for better handwriting.

The dates counted for every day. Each day held for every time he did nothing, when he made something new, when he failed, anything. And with almost all entries, there would be a continuous statement: “No Akeldama.”

… Who’s Akeldama?

I havent seen Lillie in a whyle.

Who’s Lillie?

Annette told me that theres bin area deths in the forest for a whyle now

… shit-

The journal was taken from his grasp. He flinched in shock and above him stood Ayu with the item. “What are you doing?”

“I uh-” Oliver’s eyes shifted to the abandoned blanket. “When did you even wake up?” I didn’t even notice him walking.

“A minute ago. But what are you doing with this?” His raspy voice set a colder tone than usual. His red glare shook Oliver up.

“I was just waiting for you to wake up and got curious. Your drawings look cool!”

Ayu frowned with skeptic eyes. He rolled his eyes, yawning, and sat by Oliver. “Fine then.”

“I wanted you to sleep. You don’t seem to get much of it anyways with the traffic.”

“It’s alright, Oliver, really.”

…

“I wanted to talk to you,” Oliver started, “about what happened last week. A bit more straightforwardly at least.”

“I’d figure.” He huffed an awkward chuckle.

“But- uh…” Oliver avoided the boy’s eyes, words couldn’t fill the air. In the midst of his pause, a brief sight of Ayu’s legs reminded him. They were still skinny to the bone as always. “My mom left me food to cook… and I know you need it more than I do.”

His eyes held Oliver with confusion: lowered lips and a blank stare. “So, you want to talk at…?”

“My house. I’ll make the food myself,” God, I hope this is good. “You can shower and wash your clothes first if you want, since I can tell you need some cleaning.”

“I… thanks.” A blush tickled his face. Oliver peered at the dark red against his pale skin. Strange. “I don’t really wanna be an annoyance to you but-”

The boy snapped out of his stare. “It’s okay! It’s okay! You’re struggling like me so it’s the least I can do.”

“Then,” Ayu stood up, padding his dry, open skin, “shouldn’t we get going?”

A blank stare stroke Oliver in a hesitant essence. Nonetheless, he followed. “Um, yeah!”

***

Smoky air blew against the heat fan. Oliver’s eyes focused solely on the meal cooking on the pan. Ayu sat on the side fresh out of the shower and wash. He curled up in his tall seat as he sipped upon a cup of water. They both avoid each other’s eyes; They both allowed the sounds of oil burning up to play over them.

Oliver hesitated speaking. His past thoughts reoccurred to him.

Even if I excuse anything, it’s not like he’ll change his mind.

“What’re you making?” Oliver passed the question off until realizing it was Ayu. He twisted his head back. Ayu still stared at the cup he held. “It smells good.”

“It’s just lemon pork tenderloins. My mom usually gives me pork stuff for me all the time since it used to be my favorite.” He answered with a blank tone, without any joy in his eyes as he cooked.

“Isn’t that stuff hard to make?”

“Not really,” Oliver noted, “Cooking’s pretty easy for me; but that’s inconvenient at best.” He tried to make a stuttered laugh, though he missed the idea of food tasting as good as back then.

They both took another pause.

“You don’t know how to cook yourself, Ayu, don’t you?”

“No… I was usually just given junk food anyways.”

“Then,” he lowered the stove heat, “here, I can show you.”

A skeptical tone overtook him. “You want me to cook?”

“No, I’m going to help you.” Oliver reassured him. So, then you don’t burn the house down. He went off from the stove and set his hands on the table that stood in front of Ayu. “It’ll just be the cooking part of it. That’s easy enough, right?”

“But isn’t that the part where I can burn the house down, like you said?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on it.” He set aside Ayu’s cup from his hands. “This is how I was taught so you’ll be fine.”

***

“So… you just gotta wait ‘til it’s brown?”

The last tenderloin was tossed in the fryer as Ayu asked for once.

“Yes,” Oliver answered. He glared at the one’s Ayu cooked on the side, “Not until they’re charred.”

“I guess that’s easier to follow than cutting it up to see if it’s red inside.”

Oliver bit his lip. “Yeah, I guess that’s more of a chicken thing than pork… but I just grew the habit of being safe.”

Ayu shrugged. “If it’s edible, I’ll eat it.”

“Even a human?”

Ayu frowned at the joke. “There’s a limit.” Oliver’s chest tightened at the mistake.

“… We’re still not gonna talk about that now.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he mumbled, staring at the meat in the pan.

Ayu’s wet hair had started to dry out. It puffed up to the same shape it was before. The hair kept Oliver distracted for the silent seconds. His hand reached to touch a small tuff, stroking for a short moment. It’s just soft. “Your hair’s weird.”

His eyes blinked once or twice. “What?”

“Well, it’s long enough to make you look like a girl,” he snorted.

Ayu pulled his hair in front of him. It blocked half of his face. “Shut up. It’s hard to find a way to cut it good by yourself.”

Oliver noted, “That and even when washed, it looks like a puffball.”

“Okay, that’s just how my hair works.”

Oliver gave a small huff of a chuckle. “I’ll get you gel sometime then. It’s distracting-”

“No, don’t get gel,” Ayu retorted, “Annette tried it on my once and I thought it was gross.”

“Why gross…?

“My hair felt like greasy stone, that’s why.”

“… Ayu, that’s the point.”

“Then I don’t like that point.” He grabbed the spatula and plopped the last tenderloin on the serving plate. “I think it’s done.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Huh, that one actually looks pretty good.”

“Just give me more simple directions next time then,” he grumbled.

Oliver sat with his mouth shut. Ayu faced directly next to him. He watched as the boy stuffed himself with everything made.

Oliver was greeted with nothing in front of him. There laid empty space: no plate, no food, only a fork he toddled with his hands.

“Damn, this was great…” He mumbled with a full mouth.

“Like my mom says, even when ruined, it’ll still taste great.”

A whack slammed to Oliver back. His voice squeaked, “Motherfu- that hurt!”

Ayu snorted. “Sorry. Just don’t roast me like that.”

Oliver glared at him.

“Still, tell your mom that I like the recipe.” He took another bite.

Oliver dropped his fork against the table after seconds of no conversation. He tensed himself with his words, “About last week, on my birthday…”

Ayu glanced back in confusion, then swallowing and facing down. “Y-yeah…”

No words were said yet again, only an apparent atmosphere of the topic in the air. Oliver prayed to not choke on it.

No, it doesn’t have to be now.

He stammered, “You know what? Let’s not focus on that right now.”

Ayu blinked. “Wait what?”

“We can just talk about that later; we have all day!” The boy forced a curve on his lips.

Ayu stuttered, “Uh sure-”

“What shows do you- did you watch before all of that?”

“… Hm,” he scratched on the dry skin on his cheek, “My family didn’t watch that much. Just VHS movies and Crimson stuff on Saturdays, I think. I just played around with someone most of the time…”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned Crimson.” Oliver hopped down from his seat.

He shrugged. “I watched them the most out of anything.” He smiled while staring at the air. “They were just cool and people made ‘em cooler, yanno?”

“Sure,” Oliver replied without a thought. As Ayu talked, he walked to the TV, setting up the DVR. “I was never really into that stuff, but either way, you’re missing out.”

“I’ve been ‘missing out’ for four years actually.”

Oliver chuckled at the joke. “Well, ever heard of The Mr. Rious House?”

“Annette might’ve talked about it a little but no, not really.” He climbed out of his seat with careful steps on the stool.

“Oh, boy you’re in for a ride.” With only a press of a remote control, the television set played the crackles of thunder. Ayu jumped at the sound.

“God, damn it- wait is that a dead body?”

Oliver sneered, “Yep, and this is a kid show’s first minute of the first episode.”

“Well this is going to be… a thing.” Ayu sat down on the couch with wobbly knees.

This’ll be fun.

“It won’t,” he hissed, curling up to his knees with an organ playing.

***

“This house isn’t fun.”

The third episode began to play. Oliver and Ayu had settled themselves on the couch with separate blankets, Ayu’s being thicker and covering his entire being.

Oliver sat against the middle cushion. He enjoyed himself over the nostalgia of the first few episodes while glancing over at Ayu’s reactions ever so often.

It all consisted of him flinching and muttering words of help. Humorous to say the least.

“Just wait until you see Mr. Rious, Ayu. He’s the best character.”

He glared at the screen. “I don’t wanna see this man.”

“He’s a fun dad for Noll,” Oliver chuckled. “Wait, that’s a spoiler.”

The show continued to play and Oliver watched along the adventure.

“What do you mean Rious still isn’t here? He hasn’t been in five years! What is this about him being my-”

“Oliver?”

The boy snapped back from his focus. “What is it?”

“You said you were adopted, right?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“How’re your parents then?”

“Oh.” Oliver hummed in consideration. “I just have an adoptive parent really. It’s me and my mom here.”

“Huh… Did you ever have a dad?” Ayu tilted his head down, curious eyes shining at Oliver.

“I apparently did before my mom took me in.” He leaned back. “He died and got my mom her career choice.”

“Really?” The blanketed boy’s tone didn’t hold as much emotion as prior. “How’d that happen?”

“Simple. He killed himself during college years.”

Ayu choked.

“Now that’s the reaction I expected,” Oliver stated dully.

Ayu gawked, “You don’t just say someone killed himself like that, Jesus Christ-. I thought he just got in some accident or monster attack!”

Oliver shrugged. “My mom thought I was mature enough to tell me when I was younger and I think I’ve matured enough over the past years to talk about it… Probably the most fucked up thing I can say about myself without getting arrested.”

Ayu frantically blinked over and over. “Do- do you ever think about him? Or like, miss him or anything?”

Oliver scoffs. “That’s always the dumb question. I never even knew him; how would I miss him?” He ponders for a second. “Thinking is another thing.”

Ayu didn’t give a reply. The show played as they talked.

“Sure, it’s always interesting to hear about him, I guess. But I mostly just think about him in ‘what if’ scenarios.”

Ayu’s face gleamed with worry. “Like…?”

Oliver bit his lip, then took a breath. “Like what if I die like that?”

Ayu’s eyes widened. What did he expect? His mouth fell flat as he muttered. “I…”

“Noll! What are you even doing?”

“Look, I know I screwed up some times, but this’ll help, won’t it?”

“… Don’t?”

“What? Don’t die?”

“Yeah…”

Oliver smiled. “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s been the plan for a while. ‘Least for my body and sub-conscious to say so-”

“Just don’t die, please.” Ayu tugged on Oliver’s blanket. “It’s a dumb thing to ask, but… it’s not fun.”

Oliver studied his expression hidden through his hair. It was torn with scared eyes staring and glimmering a vermillion again. His reaction begged the question: so, who did he have to deal with? But the boy pushed aside the conversation at the end of it. “Let’s keep watching.”

“I uh, yeah that ending scared me.”

“Your reactions are some of the best. But did you really not expect Rious to do that?”

“Look I was hoping he’d be a funny, crazy guy,” Ayu retorted.

“You watch Crimson. Don’t they have screwed up villains in that?”

“Yeah but that was different. Crimson made them goofballs in the end!”

Oliver just eyed him. “Did it really creep you out that much? You’ve definitely seen worse-”

“Yes, it did.”

He laughed it off and transferred the topic. “I learned one of the themes on my uke. They were fun ones, weren’t they,” he teased.

“Shut up.”

Oliver sat up. “The song’s kinda slow but I did it.” He paced back to his room to grab his ukulele out of the case. In the corner of his eye, he peered his switchblade on the corner chair. A piercing in his bloody lip could suffice for the time being, so he stepped aside. He won’t come into this room anyways.

He ran back to the living room where Ayu played with his now soft hair and sat back next to him.

“Surprisingly the full version sounds really nice,” Oliver mumbled as he tuned up his instrument a bit. “Okay…” He took a breath before starting a set of chords.

Overall, the protagonist’s theme laid great poetic-ness to the story as a well-meaning representation of his backstory and foreshadowing to come, at least in Oliver’s head. The theme was rather soft. The plucking of the strings following and drifting along one by one emerged the room in an echoing tragedy. Notes played to the tune of the mother’s lullaby of tender somber, and eventually, her words began.

“If you sing me a lullaby,

Then maybe a love song too…

And one day, you’ll sing me a requiem,

And someday, they’ll sing yours too.”

Her song was a simple poem, not much substance in lyrics. The song held meaning in the story at least.

After some repetition, it took a few strums and tabs to finish the piece.

“And that’s the song.” Oliver set down the ukulele while speaking. “It might be a little boring but who knows, my music tastes may just be boring.”

“You really sing good,” Ayu commented.

“Well, you mean, I sing well.”

“Shut the hell up,” Ayu pushed Oliver, nearly making the boy fall over from the force. “I hated grammar out of anything in school.”

“School’s pretty easy,” Oliver flaunted, striking a pose. “But I’ve also been told that I’m gifted in music.”

“Oh yeah? Then stop being a show-off,” Ayu snapped back at him.

“Sorry,” he replied, with no meaning expressed in his words and tone.

Oliver returned back to his ukulele to play with the strings. The tune he formed ended up being major somehow. Things are going well for now at least-

“Oliver, are we gonna talk?”

Great, I jinxed it. “Huh?”

“You said you were going to but… I guess you just wanted to distract yourself.” Ayu crawled closer to Oliver.

The boy didn’t make any movement; he continued playing with a nod.

“You… really don’t wanna talk about it.”

Another nod.

“Look…” Ayu started. “I get this entire thing is fucked up. I still think it’s too fucked up for me to- allow it to get in my head. But I can still listen… I wanna be helpful for somebody for once. ‘Specially with that stuff you were saying earlier…”

Oliver stayed quiet.

Ayu sighed. “I’m sorry if I scared you there… Just say what you want.”

Oliver’s melody dwindled down each beat getting slower until a full stop. He breathed in and out before saying few words. “I can’t fix it if you were wondering.”

“What?”

“I’m supposed to be like this, without a choice.” He took a pause. “I think I was a pretty big accident.”

Ayu’s face scrunched up. “I don’t think jokes are good for right now.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “I can’t change or control it. And I may end up hurting both you and Annette so… I think it’s best that you guys stop hanging out with me. Like most people.”

Ayu curled up more into his blanket with pondering eyes. “… I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure-”

“You’re one of the only people I can actually talk to, Ollie. You look like a good guy too.” His stared up directed into Oliver’s gaze. “I don’t think you should give up on a possible answer just yet.”

“I,” Oliver stumbled on words. “I still wanna keep at least some distance.”

“How come?”

“Well, whenever I make friends, I end up screwing them over the worst way possible by accident so that’s a reason.”

Ayu blinked up again. Then realized. “Oh.” He made a crooked smile, brows faced with slight worry. “I’m pretty sure I’m strong enough, still.”

Oliver’s face goes sour in doubt.

“Oh yeah… how come you always wear that jacket?” Ayu tugs at the red cardigan. “Don’t you have more?”

“I do,” Oliver answered. “But I mainly use this one since blood stains are harder to find with this.”

Ayu cringes. “That… sucks.”

“It does.” Oliver tugged his left sleeve farther down. “It really does.”

Oliver looked over at the clock on the stove. He stood up and dragged Ayu to get up too. “You should get going. My mom’s gonna be here in an hour. Do you want me to take you?”

Ayu passed him off. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for bringing me over. I feel fresh, yanno?” He pulled up his newly cleaned jacket up to his nose, eying Oliver as he sniffed it.

Is he trying to hide that? Oliver chuckled at the thought. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Uhm, see ya later.” Ayu grinned as he shut the door.

Oliver only muttered back his words; however, as soon as the door closed, he rushed to his room and jumped onto the bed. “Oh, thank God!”

“Thank Him for what?” Vittorino appeared against the wall like every day.

“I have a dog’s nose and he doesn’t smell terrible anymore. Plus, he didn’t wanna kill me!”

“Oh, right. It wasn’t that surprising.” He snickered. “It’s been a week again, how’ve you been.”

“Shut your damn mouth; I almost forgot about it.”

“Hungry then,” he proclaimed. “Are you gonna eat soon?”

“Til I’m forced to, I’m not gonna.” The boy slugged himself off the bed to the switchblade on the chair. “Now, if you can please leave? I’m about to have a snack.”

He made his way to the bathroom routine.

“Sure, fine. Just don’t drink too much. Alice’ll get mad at me again.” He disappeared as soon as he told.

Oliver’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sure she will.”

#writing #my writing #writeblr #writblr #writers on tumblr #black sun tale #bst #chapter 8 #swearing warning #suicide mention #death mention #murder mention?#blood mention warning #why are my tags always like this #bst oliver #bst alice #bst ayu #bst vittorino

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 6 years

Text

Say Yes to the Dress: Avengers Edition

A/N: This is what happens when I binge say yes to the dress after writing for the Avengers... Apologies if this sucks. Also not super carefully edited so apologies for any mistakes. This is basically fluff. I hope you enjoy!

Summary: The title pretty much says it all

Characters/Pairings; Bucky x reader, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Randy, Lisa

Warnings: Fluffy fluff?

Rating: K+

Word count: 1882 (Honestly not sure how that happened lol)

You couldn’t believe that you were finally here. At Kleinfeld’s. Shopping for your wedding dress so you could marry the love of your life.

From his spot between Steve and Tony, Sam was piloting Red Wing filming you all as you all walked down the sidewalk towards the shop.

“Say hi to the camera, beautiful.”

“Hi! We’re here at Kleinfeld’s to get my wedding dress!”

You grinned and blew the drone a kiss as you practically skipped inside the store arm in arm with Natasha and Wanda. The three girls immediately started looking through at dresses while the guys looked somewhat overwhelmed – especially Steve.

“This one’s beautiful,” Nat commented pulling out an almost completely sheer dress.

Your eyes bugged out of your head.

“It’s a bit revealing.” You looked at the price tag, “And about 4000 dollars over budget.”

“Who’s the beautiful bride here?”

“I am. Y/n,” you introduced yourself as you shook her hand.

“Hi, Y/n. I’m Lisa.”

“Hi, beautiful, I’m Randy.”

“I’m so excited to meet you.”

“It is an honor to meet you. Congratulations on your engagement.”

“Thank you.”

“So who do you have with you today?” Lisa asked.

“I have my co-maids of honor, Natasha and Wanda. And my friends Steve, Sam, and Tony.”

“Great. Nice to meet you all. Tell us about your fiancé.”

You couldn’t help the broad smile that crossed your face.

“His names is James Bucky Barnes. And he is absolutely perfect for me. We met at work about three years ago and we instantly clicked. It took about a year for either of us to make a move though,” you ignored the snickers from your teammates. “But after our first date I just knew. He makes me feel safe and calm when I get into my own head. He’s just perfect,” you repeated.

Randy and Lisa were smiling at your description.

“And when’s the wedding?”

“October of next year.”

She seemed relieved you’d have enough time to order whatever dress you wanted.

“Great. And what do you see yourself in?”

“I’m thinking something kind of simple maybe an a-line off the shoulder or with sleeves. I like lace. I like beading. I hate feathers. But honestly I want to make the most of this appointment and I trust you so I will try on anything that you think would suit me.”

“Alright,” she said with a wide smile. “And how would you describe y/n?”

“Bubbly.”

“Sunshine in a person.”

“She’s the heart of the team.”

“You guys,” you were trying not to tear up.

“And what do you all see her in?” Randy asked.

“I think she should be in something form-fitting to show off her figure,” Nat spoke up and Sam nodded his agreement.

“Maybe a mermaid style or a fit and flare,” Wanda suggested.

“She’s going to look beautiful in everything she tries on, so whatever makes her happy,” Steve smiled bashfully.

“Aww, Stevie.”

“Well I for one think she should be in something grand,” Tony smirked.

“Well grand is going to cost you, so what budget do we have to be respectful of?” Randy chuckled.

“Around $3500.”

“Actually,” Tony interrupted. “She doesn’t have a budget.”

“What?”

He reached out and took your hand in both of his.

“Y/n, you know you’re like a daughter to me. I want you to have everything you could ever want. So try on anything and everything, my dear. Spare no expense.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

You kissed his cheek.

“Well in that case, I will take you to the fitting room.” Lisa gestured to follow her and you squeezed Tony’s hands once more.

“And I will take you to the couch,’ Randy extended his arm towards the showroom floor.

“So who do you think will be the hardest to please?”

“Probably Tony or Nat. They both tend to think that they know everything.”

“And whose opinion matters most to you?”

“Steve’s. For sure.”

“Alright. Well, I’m going to leave you to change and I’m going to do some shopping.”

“Sounds great.”

After I changed into the silky robe I sat texting Bucky.

Bucky: Having fun, doll?

Y/n: Getting nervous. I can’t believe this is real.

Bucky: Which part?

Y/n: All of it.

Y/n: I love you.

Bucky: I love you so much, beautiful.

“Knock knock.”

“Come on in.”

“We’re back.”

“And we have dresses.”

“So what do you think of these?”

“They’re all beautiful. I think I want to start with this one.”

“Great. I will leave you to it.”

“So what do you think?”

“It’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“You look stunning. Should we go show them?”

“Definitely.”

You carefully lifted the dress so you could make your way out to the floor.

“Here she comes,” Sam reported nudging Steve.

“Wow.”

As I stepped up on the pedestal I couldn’t hide my smile. It was exactly what I had asked for.

“So how do we feel?” Randy

“It’s exactly what I asked for. I really, really like it.”

“Okay, we’ll take it for dress number one. Should we spin you around?”

You nodded and lifted the dress once again so you could turn.

“You look beautiful,” Steve was beaming.

“I really like this one,” Wanda encouraged.

Nat, Sam, and Tony were less impressed.

“it’s lovely, but it doesn’t wow me,” Tony made an explosion motion with his hands.

“What do you think?” Nat asked.

“I really like it. It’s definitely the one to beat.”

“I think we can beat it,” Sam nodded. “Because when you find your dress you’re going to have the smile.”

“So what’s ‘the smile’?” Randy asked.

“Well when y/n is happy about something, she lights up. And she has the biggest smile you’ll ever see.”

“Well let’s see if we can’t find a dress that brings it out.”

You tried on several similar dresses, but not lived up to the first so you didn’t even go out in them. Finally, one struck your fancy, but it received much the same reaction as before.

“I think we might need to go in a different direction to please them,” Lisa suggested. “Are you open to trying something more form fitting?”

“Yeah, for sure.”

“Alright, let me do a little bit more shopping.”

Before she could leave there was a knock on the door.

“Come on in.”

“So, Tony has requested that you try on the most expensive dress in the salon.”

“Of course he did,” you chuckled.

When you looked at it you burst out laughing.

“Laughing isn’t typically a good sign.”

“It’s beautiful don’t get me wrong. But it’s not at all my style. Did he actually look at this dress?”

“No. He literally just asked me to bring you the most expensive one.”

“Well then let’s give them a show.”

Lisa clipped you into the dress and you just immediately shook you head.

“Not you?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“Do you want to show them?”

You nodded, “Just to prove a point.”

When they looked over their shoulders at you, you made a face at Tony.

“So how do we feel?”

“I cannot imagine marrying Bucky in this.”

“Well that’s quite an answer. Should we see what the entourage has to say?”

“You’re beautiful, but you look so uncomfortable,” Steve said apologetically.

The others hummed their agreement.

“Satisfied, Tony?”

“Yes, thank you for trying it on. Now please go find her something she’ll actually like,” he asked Lisa and Randy.

“We will do our best,” Randy promised.

Lisa helped you out of the dress and then left to shop with Randy. You were getting a little concerned you weren’t going to find your dress.

When Lisa and Randy returned you immediately zeroed in on the one. It was a strapless ball gown with a ruffle tiered skirt and beading. It was nothing you would have expected to like, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away.

“Do any of these strike your fancy?”

“That one. I want to try on that one.”

Randy was a little taken aback but happy at your reaction.

“That is the kind of reaction we like to see,” Randy grinned. “I will see you out there.”

You could not wipe the stupid grin off your face as Lisa zipped you into the dress.

“I think I know how you feel about this one,” she laughed.

“I love it. It’s not at all what I pictured myself in, but it’s perfect.”

“Should we go see what the group says?”

“Yes please.”

Your cheeks were hurting from smiling as you practically danced onto the showroom floor.

“Oh yeah. There she is,” Sam was smirking knowingly.

As you climbed onto the pedestal this time, all you could think about was walking down the aisle towards Bucky in this dress.

“So is this the smile you were talking about?” Randy laughed as you looked at your reflection.

“That’s the one,” Sam nodded, leaning around to see you in the mirror.

“So I think I know what you’re going to say, but what do you think, y/n?”

“I love it. I can see myself marrying Bucky in this dress.”

“Do you want to show the group?”

You nodded and twirled around.

“So what do you all think?”

“You’re gorgeous, sweetheart.” Nat’s ever critical gaze showed nothing but satisfaction.

“This is 100 percent your dress.” Wanda stated emphatically. “It’s fun and flirty but still elegant.”

Sam had his arms crossed over his chest with a smug grin.

“Sam?”

“I told you. When you found the dress, you’d have that smile. I’m sold.”

“Tony?”

He looked at you over his glasses for a moment before smiling softly.

“You are breathtaking. Barnes is a lucky man.”

You noticed there were tears in his eyes and you started sniffling as well. And then you turned to Steve who surprisingly hadn’t said anything at all.

“Stevie?”

“You look beautiful in everything.” You started to roll your eyes in annoyance when he continued. “But you look absolutely radiant in that dress.”

“Do you think Bucky will like it?”

“He’s going to love it.”

“Would you like to see it with a veil?” Lisa offered and you nodded eagerly.

She fixed your hair while Randy grabbed a matching veil. As soon as they put it in your hair, everyone on the couch was tearing up. And when you turned around you couldn’t help but tear up yourself. Randy immediately handed you a tissue.

“How do you feel?”

“I feel like a bride. And I can’t wait to marry Bucky in this dress.”

“Well in that case. Y/n, are you saying yes to the dress?” They asked you in unison.

“Yes!”

Your team. Your family were immediately on their feet cheering and hugging you.

The Wedding Day:

You stood with your arm wrapped around Bucky’s waist and his around your shoulders as you talked to the camera crew from the show after the ceremony.

“So what did you think of her dress when you first saw it?” the producer prompted.

“I was floored when I first saw her. She looked like an absolute angel. I started crying as soon as I saw her.”

He leaned down and kissed you.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Mrs. Barnes.”

“Me neither, Sergeant Barnes. I love you.”

“I love you.”

A/N: So there it is. Fluffy randomness to round out the weekend. HOpe you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

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optimisticcritique · 6 years

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Gotham Review - 4x21

I delayed this review a bit due to stressing and tweeting over season 5. Now I can edit this review properly :) Congrats Gothamites!

An episode starting off with Lucius and Harvey scenes? Already a good episode.

“Listen, Jim found his way out, understand?” I love how confident Harvey is in Jim’s survival. Either that or denial because he loves his best friend so much.

On second thought, he probably knows that Jim’s plot armor shall be his salvation!

Oof all those cops talking smack to Harvey over the Pyg fiasco. Now is not the time to be questioning his authority, people. Don’t let them get to you, Harvey!

Thank you, Harper. I have always loved you. Please don’t ever be cannon fodder.

Oh, I completely forgot that no one knows about Jeremiah being evil yet. All they know is about Jerome followers and Bruce/Jeremiah possibly being in danger.

Snazzy clothes Jeremiah!

Yeah, he does not like being compared to his brother. Always insulting Jerome any time that someone mentions him.

An evacuation huh? Hmm...

Huh. I kind of expected a bit of a more emotional response from Babs and possibly Oswald over Jim dying. I think Oswald is masking his pain with a styling wardrobe and money.

“or woman power, if you will” Awe look at Ozzie all for woman power lol

Using Butch’s “condition” to get what you want, Oswald? I see what you’re doing.

Tabby giving her girlfriend puppy dog eyes to get what she wants. How can you say no to that, Babs?

Oswald’s expressions always get to me XD

They saved your life from Jerome, mayor. It’s best just to roll with it and do what they say.

Great. Now Bruce will be blaming himself for Jeremiah and the whole city destruction because of Wayne Enterprises funding it. As if he needed more things to blame himself for.

Yeah, Jim would probably nag at Bruce to stay away, only for Bruce to not listen anyway. So, even with Harvey in charge, Bruce is right on track :P

The first thing you say on the phone is that you hope he didn’t catch a cold? As if that is his first concern when you are answering Alfred’s phone lol

You are going to prove you're his best friend by driving him insane, killing his butler, and destroying the city? Here’s a thought: buy him a card or dinner instead!

Lee and Jim interacting once again. Well, that was quick. Always awkward when you keep running into your ex.

Oh! Of course, it would be because of Ed that Jim is alive. Ha! Wonder if he will regret that decision later on.

“Bruce, I am going to be here whenever you need me” Awww that’s so sweet.

If she wasn’t such an important character, I’d almost think it’s a death foreshadowing.

Ed with the doubting and jealousy. Come on, you knew she was using you. Why are you still on this?

Okay, I love the idea of Ed helping to solve Jeremiah’s plans...but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

I love seeing Lucius and Harvey working together to save the day. We don’t see enough of their scenes.

“Lucius, English please” I feel like I hear the “English please” in every show that has to do with technology or science these days :P

Part of me doesn’t believe Jeremiah envies Bruce going through his “one bad day” but another part of me wouldn’t be surprised if he truly does.

No, don’t kill Alfred! That won’t make things better!

I don’t say it enough but great acting with Cameron. I never once ever see Jerome or Jeremiah as “oh that’s just Cameron”. I automatically see them as two separate characters with two separate personalities. Fantastic acting! Why is this cast so gifted?

Oh my gosh...all of these characters. In the same room. Together. I love it.

Oswald twirling that trigger is just fabulous.

Money? Wait, all you want is money? You are all okay with the city being blown to bits? Even Oswald?

I really hope they are expecting the unexpected here. Babs is right “is that it?” You shouldn’t underestimate. It’s a trap!

Yeah, I wouldn’t have let him walk away if I were you...

Oh okay! So they do want to help save Gotham. Good to know.

Gee Oswald, say it louder why don’t you...

Plan #2 is a bazooka? Well, now I’m intrigued with a plan #3.

You know, the more you insist you aren’t insane, the more people suspect you are insane.

“No! You promised the city 6 hours!” I got to say, I love how Babs has been written and shown these past few episodes. She just seems like she is given so much more depth. I also love that all of the villains are bad but have their own levels/rules of bad. Destroying a city and thousands of people is just too extreme for them.

Jeremiah is one fast runner. Did he ever run track in school?

Scarecrow! I really want to know how he got Jonathan involved with this. Was it the whole “you knew my brother” thing? Or Jonathan just felt like it?

Ed seems to be the only person so far that doesn’t care if the city turns to rubble. Given his past comments, it doesn’t really surprise me. At the same time, does he not care to save even his friend “through thick and thin”?

“I’m with Lee now” Oh here we go...

Ugh I’m sorry. I can’t with these scenes. It’s just so cringy.

I like that Jim uses the word “validate”. It’s such a good word to use for Ed.

Exactly! No one truly knows Lee the way that they think they do.

“Oh Jim, she’s with me in every way...” I didn’t need to know this. Somehow, I don’t know if I believe that. But honestly, this is Ed. He could just mean “every way” as “I teach her how to riddle”

Wow...this whole “ten times the killer” thing. I mean, Jim was a soldier and he has shot a lot of criminals in the past seasons but like...his motives were still somewhat different. I can’t tell if he is just agreeing to the killer thing because he feels guilty about all the deaths that were because of him (more likely) or there was a part of him that knew that him agreeing to Ed’s words was the only way for Ed to finally help him.

I love when Ed is solving puzzles and being smart, showing off his knowledge.

“Ed, wait, there’s one thing I can’t figure out” No! Ugh, Ed! Don’t be this stupid. You should be smarter than this! “One? Being a little kind to yourself...” Okay, that helped a little lol He just had to slide a comment like that in there.

“HARVEY!” It just wouldn’t be a Gotham episode without Oswald yelling. Or dressing amazingly. Or giving expressions that are moods.

Harvey’s relief to see Jim alive and then the hug. So nice :)

Harvey: we just need to know the locations. Jim: *walks in* I know the locations. Me: Could that be any more conveniently timed?

Selina and Scarecrow! Interacting! Sweet.

Foxy being all helpful :) He’s getting some nice screen time this episode.

Oh, this is all toxin then. Is he really even seeing what he thinks he’s seeing?

Oh my gosh...the cutting of the smile. This has to be the toxin, right? This can’t actually be Alfred.

Selina finding a man in the closet? Must be Alfred. I thought Jeremiah asked them to kill him?

Selina helping Bruce through it and getting his attention. So intense.

The looks shared between Bruce and Alfred. He’s so relieved! ...What? No hug!? Missed opportunity. Harvey took the hug quota in the episode I guess? Eh, he deserved them though.

“Lucius, they’re identical...” Harvey’s shaken and upset voice :(

Ooh Jim being savage.

Eeny meeny...? Really Harvey? lol

YES! HARVEY DID IT! A hero right there. He looks so happy.

Another failed trigger. Gotham just never wants triggers to work well.

Oh, Jeremiah is pissed. Very intimidating.

Haha he ran so fast out of there.

I admire that he has so many back up plans. Thinking ahead.

*burns his followers* “Hmm...well, that’s disappointing” lol

Wait, is that all of your followers? What happened to Ecco?

“Ever since we teamed up, everything has gone to crap” True but it isn’t the finale yet. Oswald tends to get back on top at that point.

Yeah, I definitely think Oswald hasn’t been forthcoming with this Strange stuff. I sense many ulterior motives.

Man, I just noticed that Oswald, Ed, and Jeremiah are all being outsmarted and foiled from their plans today. Just can’t catch a break to blackmail or murder.

Yup, it was also Ed that did that :) When are Jeremiah and Ed going to share a scene, huh?

Ra’s! I had a hunch.

“you’re behind me, aren’t you?” So, Jeremiah is familiar with tropes and “scary” movies, I see?

Jeremiah: no thanks. Ra’s: *mentions Bruce* Jeremiah: Okay! Let’s do this! What are we waiting for? *is already running out the door because it’s apparently his favorite sport*

Ed is going to be creeping and listening-yup. It figures.

Why am I not surprised that Ed is listening to all this? Yeah, I predict he is going to go after Lee, Jim, or both of them now...and fail at it because of plot. Oh, this is not going to end well.

Okay, this is conflicting. On one hand, I find this whole thing aggravating. I hate that Ed is always involved with love storylines and seemingly acting dumb because of it. I hate that Lee fell into that too. At the same time, in terms of his behavior in this episode, this is such an Ed thing to do in a way. He is insecure and seeks validation. That really fits his character. His paranoia is also understandable. He’s always been that way and made stupid decisions because of it. Like when he was paranoid that Jim was onto his murder of Kristen in S2 and blew it all for himself. So, that part of the storyline actually makes sense, which is why I can see him ruining everything next episode because of that paranoia. At this point, I just hope it gets resolved quickly.

Awwww! Everyone applauding Harvey! Giving him the appreciation he deserves! I love this so much! It’s about time!

Lucius and the GCPD joking with him lol

Aww another Harvey hug in an episode. That hug! So touching! I love it!

Are they gonna-yes! They actually kissed this time!

Well, at least one ship is happy. *Jeremiah shoots Selina* You just can’t let people be happy for more than a few seconds? Can you Gotham?

Bruce, your security system sucks. If you even have one.

Selina! No! I know you won’t die but still!

Hey, is that a new hat? Okay, how can Jeremiah have two new hats in one episode and Ed have his bowler hat yet Oswald gets nothing but a hallucination? A travesty. Jeremiah does pull them off though.

I hope Jeremiah gives Oswald his second hat as a way to broker a peace or something. Or Oswald just steals it after firing his machine gun at him, not being able to kill Jeremiah though.

Jeremiah doesn’t even care that he’s getting beaten up. He’s just like “whatever. I expected this”

So much silence of sound. The intensity... poor Selina. Poor Bruce, having to deal with another loved one shot in front of him.

This was seriously the plan? Walk in, shoot Selina, get beat up? Does Ra’s want her hurt so that he can leverage some Lazarus water or something? How does Jeremiah getting arrested fall under this?

Overall: Great episode. Many of the characters dealing with the same threat, which I love. Everyone banding together against Jeremiah, who I am very much enjoying thus far. I loved seeing the team-ups and interactions. Different changes of pace. Oswald and Butch/Grundy team up with Babs and Tabs to take down Jeremiah. It fails. They decide to go find/threaten Strange to help Grundy. Ed and Jim have a Lee conversation, Ed helps decipher Jeremiah’s plans and then gets knocked out by Jim. Trouble brews with Ed/Lee/Jim. Lucius teams up with Harvey to stop the explosions. Harvey disables it. The GCPD celebrate him. Jeremiah tries to drive Bruce crazy. It fails. Jeremiah burns all his followers. Jeremiah teams up with Ra’s. Bruce and Selina save Alfred. They kiss. Jeremiah shoots Selina in the gut and Alfred starts beating him up.

Previous Review: 4x20 Next: 4x22

#gotham #gotham 4x21 #jeremiah valeska #oswald cobblepot #Harvey Bullock #edward nygma #optimisticcritique gotham review

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the-domestication-of-the-dog · 4 years

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The 10th Annual L.A.O.K. Awards

Wow. Ten years of the Layokies. What a trip. I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to all five of my faithful fans for your readership over the years. In my first ever Layokies post, I named it the “1st (Possibly) Annual L.A.O.K. Awards.” I had no idea how long I’d be working at the Academy, let alone living in LA, but here we are. I bragged about seeing 180 movies that year. I just checked my Letterboxd stats for this year and it turns out I watched...180 movies. However, this year I hit a new personal best for new releases: 125. While this is about half as many as some people I know, some of the first Layokies were based on a field of 60 or 70 movies, so I’ve doubled up on my old self. Funny thing is, I can still look on other year-end lists and find many films I haven’t seen, and even some I haven’t heard of, so the field of films I’ve added are probably in the middle to bottom range of the pack. But someone out there has to watch Tolkien, Gemini Man, The Goldfinch, and Where’d You Go, Bernadette?, so it might as well be me.

In all honesty, my absolute favorite thing about living in Los Angeles and working at the Academy is access to watching movies and being around the general cinephile community, and even a bad couple of hours in a movie theater beats a lot else. Over Christmas break I saw Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker in Shawnee, OK’s own Cinema Center 8.

It was quite a trip going back to this theater after so many years and to think of the love of film that was fostered there. Alas, the picture was pretty muddy, and I’m almost positive they showed it in 2k. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, in penance for naming The King’s Speech Best Picture in my first year (lol), I give you five real good’uns for 2019:

Best Film The Farewell The King Little Women Parasite Uncut Gems

Sometimes I touch on a year being good or bad for film in general. Not sure about the whole, but I’ll call 2019 a real SEC year (aka stacked at the top and mediocre to poor the rest of the way down). While I would probably only give one title on this list must-see status (Parasite), these are all definite should-sees. The Farewell made me laugh and cry and cringe. One might even go so far as to say it “gave me all the feels.” The King gave me actual siege warfare and period-accurate haircuts. Little Women hit me with that structure, and at first I was all “hol up,” but then I was all “OK I see you.” Little Women also made me cry because I cry in movies now. (A quick aside, because while I absolutely loved Little Women, it’s not really going to come up again. If you liked the movie and haven’t read the book, please do yourself a favor and make it the next one on your list. You can’t know how great this movie is unless you know how good Beth is. Beth kind of got lost in this one, and you need to know Beth.) Parasite blew me away through its normality (who, having seen The Host, Snowpiercer, and Okja could have guessed that it wasn’t about some actual alien parasite??). And Uncut Gems was exactly as perfect as I expected it to be. And the Layokie goes to... The King

Faithful readers will know that one of my absolute favorite genres is ‘discreet conversation behind castle walls,’ and The King absolutely nailed it. It has everything: leadership position foisted on a worthy but flawed character who doesn’t want it, conversations in tents about battle tactics, love built on almost nothing but mutual respect, and most of all, Robert Pattinson doing a funny accent (it’s just a French accent, but he makes it quite funny). I would have already watched this again five times on Netflix, but I’m hoping and praying for an Oscar nomination that will never ever in a million years come in hopes that I can see it again in the theater during nominations screenings.

The Next Five Six 1917 Honey Boy The Laundromat The Lighthouse Marriage Story Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Best Actor Timothée Chalamet - The King Adam Driver - Marriage Story Paul Walter Hauser - Richard Jewell Joaquin Phoenix - Joker Adam Sandler - Uncut Gems

Another super stacked category this year. You might even say they’re *puts on sunglasses*...Stacked Actors. (<-- This is a really good joke for anyone whose favorite band from 7th-8th grade was The Foo Fighters.) These are all kind of obvious, so I’ll take a second to comment on Paul Walter Hauser and the fact that I gave out a very specific award last year titled “Refuse to Watch - Any More Clint Eastwood Movies” after trying and failing to watch The 15:17 to Paris on a plane (one of the worst pieces of filmmaking I’ve ever witnessed). Then this year Richard Jewell was getting such good buzz, and it seemed like such a good cast, and it was such a low-risk watch (on my second screen at work while doing spreadsheets), that I decided to shamefully renege on my earlier pronouncement and give it a shot. And...it was great pretty good! What is the deeal with Clint Eastwood?? He’s made some of my least favorite movies of the decade (Gran Torino, Invictus, Hereafter was a particularly awful stretch, Sully was pointless, and even parts of American Sniper, which was otherwise tolerable, were absolute cringefests). Anywho, I was very impressed by Paul Walter Hauser’s understated but perfect performance, in which he gets one good chance to blow up and yell at people--which you know I love. I hope he gets nominated, because it would be a great Oscar clip. (My ultimate dream job would be to pick the acting Oscars clips and I would be very very good at it.)

And the Layokie goes to... The Sandman (love that everyone is calling him the Sandman again)

I touched on Adam Sandler “A” in the Best Supporting Actor section of my 2018 Layokies post regarding his performance in The Meyerowitz Stories, lamenting that he hadn’t taken more dramatic roles after Punch-Drunk Love and hoping that good writer/directors would keep casting him. One more wish granted by the Safdie brothers. Adam Sandler’s talent is undeniable. He is truly one of the Great Actors of his generation. I really hope this is a respected-actor-making turn for him, but the upcoming roles on his IMDd--Hubie Halloween and Hotel Transylvania 4--don’t give much hope for the immediate future.

Honorable Mentions Taron Egerton - Rocketman (but only for the phone booth scene) Shia LaBeouf - The Peanut Butter Falcon Noah Jupe - Honey Boy Robert Pattinson - The Lighthouse Jonathan Pryce - The Two Popes

Best Actress Ana de Armas - Knives Out Scarlett Johansson - Marriage Story Elisabeth Moss - Her Smell Florence Pugh - Midsommar Saoirse Ronan - Little Women

Found out last night from my resident celebrity expert Bridgette Smith that Florence Pugh is dating Zach Braff and it absolutely crushed me.

And the Layokie goes to... Elisabeth Moss - Her Smell

Her Smell was the last 2019 film I watched before writing this post, and I was really just looking for something to pass the time. I had been wanting to see it for a long time and noticed it was on HBO, so I pressed play and planned to work on this post while I watched. I couldn’t. I was riveted. The writing, score, and sound design are incredible, but it’s all tied together by Elisabeth Moss’s performance. She’s excellent at being revolting but still has all of those qualities that made her Peggy. You can’t not like her, even though you fairly hate her.

Honorable Mentions Awkwafina - The Farewell Cynthia Erivo - Harriet Lupita Nyong’o - Us (You know I love weird voices, you know I love actors doing weird voices and faces, but this was a bit much even for me. Reflective of Us on the whole, which I thought was interesting but really missed the mark.) Charlize Theron - Bombshell

Best Director Ari Aster - Midsommar Bong Joon Ho - Parasite David Michôd - The King Benny and Josh Safdie - Uncut Gems Céline Sciamma - Portrait of a Lady on Fire

And the Layokie goes to... Benny and Josh Safdie - Uncut Gems

Wired: New directors Tired: Old directors

Boy do I not understand the love for The Irishman and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I’m not totally against boring movies if there’s a good reason for it (Midsommar was actually quite boring), but these were some of the least compelling films I watched all year. On the other hand, you have these young directors coming out of prestige horror, Ari Aster, Robert Eggers, and to a lesser extent David Robert Mitchell and Trey Edwards Shults, making some of the most dynamic films out there. Reminds me of Roger Ebert talking about early Scorsese in Life Itself (which I can’t find a clip of). Then you have Benny and Josh Safdie doing Scorsese better than Scorsese with literally breathtaking shots like the one below. How they construct such amazing edits out of such disparate takes as the one in the still above is a wonder. They’ll go from five extreme close-ups in a row to a jaw-dropping shot of the inside of a jewelry store zoomed in from across the street. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg on what makes them the best filmmakers working right now.

Honorable Mentions Noah Baumbach - Marriage Story Robert Eggers - The Lighthouse Claire Denis - High Life Greta Gerwig - Little Women Alejandro Landes - Monos Sam Mendes - 1917 Alex Ross Perry - Her Smell Joe Talbot - The Last Black Man in San Francisco Lulu Wang - The Farewell

Best Supporting Actress Laura Dern - Marriage Story Lena Headey - Fighting with My Family Lee Jung Eun - Parasite (The housekeeper) Meryl Streep - The Laundromat Shuzhen Zhao - The Farewell (Nai Nai)

And the Layokie goes to... Laura Dern - Marriage Story

Here’s one for the Laura Dern stan accounts: There’s no question that Noah Baumbach is a talented director of actors, but Laura Dern makes so much out of seemingly not a lot in this role. She truly embodies a wholly unique and three-dimensional character that could have extremely easily been one-note.

Honorable Mentions Lily-Rose Depp - The King Florence Pugh - Little Women Margot Robbie - Bombshell

Best Supporting Actor Timothée Chalamet - Little Women Willem Dafoe - The Lighthouse Shia LaBeouf - Honey Boy Al Pacino - The Irishman Robert Pattinson - The King

And the Layokie goes to... Willem Dafoe - The Lighthouse

For being all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT7uR4wNMJs

Honorable Mentions Bill Hader - It Chapter Two Tim Heidecker - Us Sam Rockwell - Richard Jewell Song Kang Ho - Parasite (the dad) Lakeith Stanfield - Uncut Gems

Best Original Screenplay The Farewell - Lulu Wang Her Smell - Alex Ross Perry Marriage Story - Noah Baumbach Parasite - Bong Joon Ho Uncut Gems - Benny and Josh Safdie

And the Layokie goes to... Parasite - Bong Joon Ho

Another genre we don’t get nearly enough of: comedies of errors. A script like this is as sophisticated as any mystery, political thriller, or...some other sophisticated type of script, like uh, I don’t know, they usually just say Chinatown or Witness. I did think it lagged a bit in the third act, but everything that came before it was so tight. Twist after turn after twist, so funny, so shocking. This is such a rare prestige crowd-pleaser that it really does harken back to Hitchcock; if a wide audience can get over watching subtitles, this has to have one of the lowest barriers for entry of any foreign film in a long time. Here’s hoping for a Best Picture Oscar nomination and a wide release. Uncut Gems played at Shawnee’s other theater (titled simply Movies 6), so it’s not that far out of the realm of possibility. But I know people in LA, even that work at the Academy, who won’t watch subtitled films, so getting people to actually go see it is another question.

Honorable Mentions Peterloo - Mike Leigh

Best Adapted Screenplay Jojo Rabbit - Taika Waititi Joker - Todd Philips & Scott Silver The King - David Michôd The Laundromat - Scott Z. Burns The Two Popes - Anthony McCarten

And the Layokie goes to... The King - Joel Edgerton and David Michôd

It wouldn’t be the Layokies without me championing one film that no one else cares about. I just really really liked The King. Timothée Chalamet is so hot right now! How did this get so overlooked?? 😭

Best Documentary Apollo 11 Honeyland It’s a Hard Truth Ain’t It Maiden Mike Wallace is Here

And the Layokie goes to... Maiden

As I’m in the process of producing a documentary right now, it pains me a bit that my top two picks in this category are almost entirely archival. I thought Mike Wallace is Here was so well done, and the director did some amazing things playing with aspect ratio. But Maiden came into port first. What is wrong with people who don’t appreciate sports? This xkcd comic (who I usually appreciate) makes me so angry. Tell the women who worked their asses off for years to claw their way into this male-dominated space and literally made the world a better place that their efforts were no more than a weighted random number generator on which to build narratives! Clearly the narratives are there, but it rarely has as much to do with the result of the competition as it does the effort that it took individual human beings to get there. See also: Undefeated (currently streaming on Netflix).

Honorable Mentions Fyre They Shall Not Grow Old Satan & Adam

Best Foreign Language Film Duh Parasite

Biggest Missed Opportunity Pokemon: Detective Pikachu (How the first live action Pokemon movie should have happened)

Not Even Close to Enough Monsters Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Most Unbelievable Cosplay Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers

Absolutely Crushing the Sensitive Dad Roles Billy Crudup in After the Wedding and Where’d You Go, Bernadette?

Good in Everything Too obvious, but Florence Pugh - Fighting with My Family, Midsommar, Little Women Robert Pattinson - High Life, The Lighthouse, The King Adam Driver - The Dead Don’t Die, Marriage Story, The Report, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Destigmatizing Fatness Award Dolemite is My Name The Laundromat Skin Almost Hustlers but then not (Lizzo got what, 30 seconds of screentime??)

#WasteYourAudience’sTime2019 The Souvenir The Proposal

Didn’t Actually Deserve to be Driven into the Ground Dark Phoenix The Kitchen

Just Plain Liked It Triple Frontier

Most Forgettable Tie: Tolkien and High Life (not for me, but it took me a full 10 minutes to convince Becca that she watched this, and I had to describe the masturbation chamber aka fuck box in a lot of detail before she got it, and I’m still not totally convinced she remembers it)

The Something Award Motherless Brooklyn

The Nothing Award Judy

Worst Movies 1. Rambo: Last Blood 2. Between Two Ferns: The Movie 3. Abominable 4. The Lion King 5. Godzilla: King of the Monsters 6. Wine Country 7. Jumanji: The Next Level 8. Frozen II 9. The Goldfinch 10. Pet Semetary

Best Scenes

Avengers: Endgame - The hammer, the portals, all the nerdy/normie BS, what can I say call me a basic bitch but there were some genuine holy schmoly moments in this that made it a really fun movie to experience in the theater

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - When Mr. Rogers uses the puppets on Lloyd

Captain Marvel - When she went full shit on ‘em

Climax - The opening dance sequence (the only thing that made this movie worth watching)

The Farewell - Too many to choose from, but I think my favorite moment in this movie was when they were taking photos of the fiances and another couple stumbled in on them, claiming they were lost. That couple leaves and we never see them again. These are the kinds of details that make movies come alive. Absolutely brilliant.

Gemini Man - The motorcycle chase (a rare scene actually made better by the high frame rate)

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum - The knife fight in the knife store

The King - The conversation between Hal and Catherine

Knock Down the House - When A.O.C. debated the incompetent proxy

The Last Black Man in San Francisco - Skateboarding into town

Little Women - The “break-up” scene between Jo and Laurie (not a spoiler)

Midsommar - The drug trip scene (not that I’ve ever done drugs but this was the most accurate drug trip scene of all time) and the Ättestupa ceremony. Also found out in the video linked above that Ari Aster pronounces it Mid-SO-mar?? I thought that was the dumb way to pronounce it but apparently I’m the dumb one. Also also, another amazing detail worth mentioning: I absolutely loved that every time they were in their community sleeping barn, there was a baby crying somewhere on the second floor that we never see. Such a perfect way to put the characters and the audience on edge and indicate that there’s something wrong here.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - While I didn’t care for this movie, the scene where Brad Pitt went to the movie ranch and when he fantasized about going to the film set were absolutely dripping with tension, which made them as just as riveting as the rest of the movie wasn’t

Parasite - When the other family comes home early

The Peanut Butter Falcon - The scene after they come out of the corn field and share one of their first genuine moments

Uncut Gems - *Sarah Palin voice* All of ‘em, any of ‘em. But seriously the finale with the Celtics game

Us - The initial home invasion and the visit to the Tylers’ home (Tim Heidecker and Elisabeth Moss)

The A.V. Club also does a best scenes list at the end of the year, and I love writing mine first and then seeing what they came up with. I’m always surprised at how many we match on. Just goes to show that a good scene is universal. I also enjoyed some of theirs that I overlooked here, including from Her Smell, Bombshell, Ad Astra (I almost included the moon chase myself and thought the baboon scene was equally compelling), and Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Stupidest Scenes Every other John Wick 3 scene

Deserves Discussion The Dead Don’t Die

This movie was a lot of fun. But then it also completely sucked? Not really a Jim Jarmusch fan in the first place, but this had so many awesome elements to it: a great cast, great soundtrack, really fun and unexpected ways of breaking the 4th wall, but then it was also pointless and boring. I would love for someone to tell me why this is a good movie after all, but judging by its complete absence from the end-of-the-year discussion (or any discussion), I’m guessing no one cares enough to mount that challenge.

Best Visuals Alita: Battle Angel Aquarella A Hidden Life Honeyland Midsommar Monos

Many LOLs It Chapter Two Jojo Rabbit Parasite

Best Song Ready or Not - The Hide and Seek Song (why was this not submitted?)

youtube

Best Soundtrack Waves - Never have I already known so many songs on a film’s soundtrack; it’s almost as if Trey Edwards Shults is another white guy around my age with the same interests as me...

Worst Accents Midway

Started But Never Finished Cats Cold Case Hammarskjold Genndy Tartakovsky’s ‘Primal’ - Tales of Savagery The Highway Men High Flying Bird Queen and Slim Spies in Disguise

Didn’t See Ash is Purest White Atlantics The Beach Bum The Body Remembers When the World Broke Open (still really want to see this one) Clemency Diane Invisible Life Luce Shadow Synonyms Transit Woman at War

Absent on Purpose Pain & Glory Ford v Ferrari I think these are the only two contenders that I’ve seen and haven’t mentioned. I actually liked both of these movies quite a bit. Just didn’t stand out for me in any one category I suppose. But then also: Booksmart Brittany Runs a Marathon Just Mercy The Mustang

Hah!

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maikatc · 4 years

Text

Black Sun Tale | The Wolf

i don’t know how to explain, but this is another one of those chapters i have dreamed of writing for ages, so get ready for some things to turn up

remember this is a first draft and only has minor edits, but enjoy! comments and reception are always appreciated.

“Oliver is weird.” Ayu crouched back to the alley wall with his sketchbook.

“What makes you say that?” Annette asked, braiding her long strands of hair together.

The tired-eyed boy bobbed his head down, contemplating the next words.

Wouldn’t Oliver not want anyone to know?

“He- he needs a lot of help.”

Annette’s eye curved up. “Like, mental problems help?”

“That too.”

The girl rested her head upon her knees. “Is it a Black Sun gang thing you don’t want me to know about?”

Ayu chucked his pencil to the stuff-pile. “Actually, I don’t even know if it has to do with that or not.”

“Wow. That’s new,” she placed back a finger she has on the ground. “So, how’s that going for you then?”

Ayu puffed his face in pondering of her question, his cheeks growing a wrong shade of red as he held air. He blew out, “God, I don’t know I’m doing anymore. This is just wrong.” He slapped his hands against his head. “I mean, I don’t think any of this is my fault but- would it be if I let something… really, really bad happen?”

She added another finger. “Depends. Do you have good intentions?”

Ayu slipped down onto the floor. “Do you think I know if I have good intentions anymore? Almost everything I do ends up fucking itself over.”

“Well,” she drew a circle on the ground. “You don’t have to make a decision now, don’t you?”

He covered his face up with his hoodie, enjoying the new scent before it wore off. “No…”

“Then that can be your answer for now. Unless the time comes or something extremely bad happens like you said.” She scuffed up his hair. “You can just go with the flow for now and think about it in the meantime.”

Ayu matted out the mess after. “I guess you’re right.”

“Hope that settles itself soon if ya don’t want me involved.” Annette grabbed a deck of cards to the side of her. “We can make it special next week by bringing dominos,” she mumbled.

“Annette, can I text Oliver?”

She whipped her head back to him. “We haven’t given him a walkie yet?”

“Forgot to ask you at the mall.”

“Fiddlesticks,” she snapped. “Fine, just don’t go snooping around.” She handed him the phone with Oliver’s number already on the page. The picture on the side set Ayu unsettled with how unfittingly humorous it was.

He typed using his index finger and spelled out every word until autocorrect fixed up everything.

It’s me Ayu

Do you wanna come over soon? Or when you don’t have stuff to do? (2:33pm)

Not right now (2:35pm)

“Are you gonna stay on my phone for a while? I got War set up for you.”

Ayu shushed her.

You busy or something? (2:35pm)

“I should use this to practice spelling,” Ayu muttered.

“Not that bad of an idea,” Annette replied. In the corner of Ayu’s eye, she squinted her eyes against the art in a single card.

Yeah, I’m kinda busy. Dying both physically and mentally at the moment. (2:37pm)

“Fuck.”

“What’s he saying?” Annette chirped in. She peeped behind Ayu at the phone in question.

“Not now.” He shoved her aside.

Oh… do you wanna talk with me while? (2:38pm)

No. (2:38pm)

“Shit, shit, shit,” he whispered to himself.

Then text me if you want anything. Annette can just talk to me on the walkie if you do later (2:40pm)

Okay (2:43pm)

Ayu sighed and threw his head back at the wall.

“I hate it when they say ‘Okay’,” Annette commented.

He lowered his eyes back at her looking at the screen and handed back her phone. “Here. Delete the conversation.”

“Wha- Why?”

“Just do it,” he ordered.

Icon sounds rang as she taped through options. “Can we at least play one game before I have to go?” She scooted a set of cards to the boy.

Ayu glanced against the thin slices of paper. “You just wanna have fun, don’t you?”

“Not really,” Annette replied. “I just don’t want you to worry is all.”

***

“It’s been two hours, Lillie.” Ayu laid against his stuff-pile. “And I feel like he’s still dying.”

“What would you do if he was already dead?”

Ayu scoffed. “Like hell would I know. I learned all his ‘I wanna die’ stuff like two days ago and figured out he eats people two weeks ago. Those are two very different things and I don’t know how to feel about both.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“Do you think I could come up with an answer right now?”

She chuckled. “I suppose you’re right. It’s just that Oliver’s a bit more interesting than the other monsters, isn’t he?”

“Don’t say that,” Ayu reminded. “At least… don’t think of it as a fact.”

“I wonder if you could be considered a monster too.”

Ayu snapped, “Why would I be a monster?”

“You’re the reason they’re here, right?” She joked, “Oh, what if your first wish is the reason why he’s here now?”

The boy blinked up, mouth in silence. “Fuck…” He attempted to face-palm, only to sloppily hit himself in the face with his strength, hissing and repeating, “Fuck, I didn’t even think of that!” A well of tears heated up from the pain, but the guilt overpowered it all.

Lillie gasped. Her voiced morph to that of a child as she spoke, “Ayu! Don’t do that!”

He smiled at her young voice through his tears. “You don’t have to worry, Lil. I heal fast,” he sniffed. He waved his hand across the air, hoping to be able to grab the girl’s hand. Though all he was met with was the smoke of Obodo.

He sighed as his surroundings greeted him with traffic again.

The sting from his hit rang throughout his entire body. He blanketed a cold hand on it again. With the other hand, he wiped up the droplets on his face. “God, damn it,” he whimpered.

Through his sobbing, he grabbed his journal and pencil yet again to the newest page.

November 10th, 201X

I fucked up.

The screeches of a walkie talkie’s static cut his train of thought.

“Ayu? You’re not asleep, right? Ayu?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat before answering. “What’s up?”

“The ceiling– ah– Oliver just texted me, or you technically.”

Shit. “What’d he say?”

“Kinda vague but he just said that he’s coming.”

Ayu blinked. “Wait, right now?”

“Twenty minutes ago. Just checked my phone and yeah sorry about that.”

He swatted his hand back to his almost bruise. “Okay then, gotta look decent. Bye,” he rushed and hung up.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Akeldama! I swear to God just help me for once.”

“For a wish?”

“For a favor,” he whined. “Can you just hide this thing in front of Oliver, please?”

“Why should I,” he asked.

“Because you’re the one who did the favor of hiding my entire identity from the world and this is just a small bruise, not even my eye!” He hissed at nobody.

“Ha, I thought you’d be capable enough to do it yourself at this point.”

Ayu clenched his fists. “Come on. Can you just do it already?”

“Do it yourself.”

“Wh-,” he pulled his hair. “You asshole!”

Akeldama chuckled. “You shan’t need to panic over it. Besides you better shush your mouth; Oliver’s about to arrive.”

Ayu blabbered out gibberish in reaction. “Damn it, Akeldama why do you,” he jabbered while matting his bangs over the mark.

Two steps echoed at the alley’s opening. “…Ayu?”

The boy turned around, knees wobbling in his crouched position. What stood ahead of him was as expected. Oliver’s small figure shadowed over Ayu as his breathing quickened. “Hey,” he stuttered, his eyes crooked in greeting.

Oliver’s hood hid majority of his face. He stepped down next to Ayu without any words and rested his head upon his arms and knees.

Ayu spoke out after two minutes of nothing. “How’re you doing?”

“Tired,” he replied. “Hungry and tired.”

“Then you haven’t…”

“No,” he answered. “I didn’t even want to go here but I did unconsciously.”

Ayu shook his head. “How does that even work?”

“I still don’t know after four years.” He pulled down his hood more. “Just be careful. If I go unconscious for an even longer time then that’s when it’s too late.”

Ayu chewed on his cheek. “Am I gonna know when that happens?”

“No. That’s why it sucks.” He muffled, “and I’m sorry for that.” He faced away from Ayu.

The black-haired boy tensed. Anything that happens won’t be that bad though. “How much does it hurt?”

“You wanna know,” he groaned.

Ayu nodded.

“… Life is burning and my body is aching all over,” he stated. “And there’s a pit in my chest and stomach that keeps pounding every single second that makes it even worse.”

Ayu made a hum and nodded. A cold sweat dripped from the corner of his head. “Good to know.”

A loud horn blasted throughout the streets following with a police siren. Ayu bolted his eyes up at the sound; however, as he strayed his eyes to Oliver, his shaken hands pulled down on his hood, covering up his entire face.

Ayu’s expression closed up.

“Oliver, why’re you hiding your face?”

The covered-up kid said no words; he sat still against his now crossed up arms. Only a murmur could be heard to Ayu. “You can look yourself. Don’t think there’s any point of hiding it from you.”

You are right now though, he retorted. With a hesitant hand, Ayu slip the hood off Oliver’s head.

His face was that of a fantasy. He kept his eyes shut however his skin deteriorated from his eyelids to his cheeks. His veins carried through with a clear black against his pale brown skin. The black markings crept throughout down to his neck and further to his hands as Ayu gazed. Soon, the cursed child opened up his eyes, stricken with fear. They weren’t lavished with a soft green; they were painted over with a bloody red while the white morphed to a musty yellow.

“Holy fuck,” he breathed.

Oliver averted his stare and sighed. “It gets worse as time goes on. Usually starts the day I have to eat.”

“Can… can anyone else see this?”

Oliver shook his head. “No. Like I guessed, you seem to be the only one.”

Ayu held no reply. The sight of someone in a state like that… God knows if I’m the one who made this happen.

He pondered over a turnover of the situation. Though, all he could turn to was a half-assed solution.

“Since no one can actually see you like this,” he started, “do you wanna go somewhere? Like the park or something?”

Oliver stared back at him with dead eyes.

“I mean- only if you feel like it. We don’t have to-”

He nodded. “Sure.”

“Wait,” Ayu paused. “Yes?”

Oliver bit his bruised lip from what Ayu could tell. “We can go there.”

“I- alright then.” He jumped up, dragging Oliver up by the arm. He grew an off-beat smile. “Let’s get going.”

His face’s bruise still stung.

***

The day at Felle Park went by with only clouds striking over. There was no change with the children running around and playing and yelling all over.

Ayu let Oliver to cling on to him as support while he stumbled across the sidewalks. The extra weight was only a feather for the twig. Ayu spoke to him in casual talk, both waiting and receiving no replies.

It was only when they entered into the playground did Oliver break away from Ayu.

“Huh?”

Oliver stumbled and wobbled across his path. Ayu, with only a question mark forming in his head, followed.

“Oliver, what’d you wanna do here?”

The kid plopped his way onto the swig-set.

Ayu cocked his head as he still got no reply.

Oliver dug up his feet against the dirty mulch. And his swing swung itself back and forth with barely any force.

Ayu shrugged and sat next to him on another swig. By a big kick, he already set himself flying.

Throughout a minute, he launched himself off the swing without a shred of patience.

There wasn’t much to remember by; there were other things at the park that was more exciting in Ayu’s favor. He looked back at Oliver, still rocking his swing without effort, digging himself a little grave for his feet.

Ayu walked up towards him and sighed. “Don’t you wanna go on the slides or the merry-go-rounds?” He muttered to himself, “The merry-go-round is my favorite so-”

“I’m fine.” He answered in a mute tone. “I just go on the swings since I can think better. Plus, moving a lot makes it hurt more.”

Ayu’s brows furrowed. “Then why did you let me take you to the park?”

“I blacked out a little while you were asking, Ayu. Besides, it seemed like you wanted to.” He assured, “Now if you go and play then I disappear on you, don’t worry since I’m probably off eat-”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Ayu paced. “Oliver, I’m trying my best to be a good person for you. I really am. But if you aren’t working together with me then… then-”

“Why don’t we go to the forest?”

Ayu paused. Oliver’s question lingered at the tip of his mouth. “What?”

“It’s quiet there, unlike here where everything is too loud.” He lifted his head up with a small crease of a smile. “Just nice there in general, yanno?”

Ayu leered at him. The words sat there in front of him, all suspicions and hunches charged up in between.

It’s a trap, isn’t it?

“Oliver, you remember the last time we were there?”

“That doesn’t matter,” he scoffed. “I like the silence anyways.”

“… You sure about that?”

He nodded in boring eyes. “Yes. The children here are rather annoying in reality.”

“That isn’t him.”

“Ah,” Ayu took a step back. “Let me just… think about it for a second.”

“Why don’t we just go already,” he spat. “It’s an easy question, Ayu.”

“I-”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to be a good person for me?”

Ayu looked back. What exactly’ll happen if we do?

“He’ll try and eat you,” Lillie replied in his head.

But what if I can find a way to stop him? It’s not like I’ll actually die from him.

“Are you truly risking that?”

“As long as Akeldama doesn’t do anything,�� Ayu sighed under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” he brushed off. “But let’s go to the forest like you said.

“Thanks.” He stood up, cleaning up his cardigan from the mulch. He stepped his way towards the gate entrance of the forest. “Come on, Ayu. The playground really is hurting my ears a little.”

Please be fine. “Yeah, sure,” he replied with wary eyes but followed.

The two walked across the woods of Felle with steps rigged from one another. Ayu babbled, but also attempted to study Oliver despite how distracted his ramblings grew.

“So, you think of Lucia, right? She’s like a bad kid after Lexi died. But really, the only reason why she got mad after her death was because of her bloodline with Aria and Coco.”

“Mhm,” Oliver replied.

“She was pissed enough to just leave the group so that meant Evie and Hiro had to do the rest of the work, which that just caused an entire mess to happen.”

“…That sounds really interesting, Ayu. I like it.” Oliver gave him a warm grin.

Jokes on you, my writing is shit.

The grass they stepped upon crackled onto the muddy ground. Rocks scattered throughout the pathway leaving tripping spots.

“Are you sure ‘bout that, Ollie? I’d say my stuff is too confusing.” He scratched his head, kicking a rock and waiting for a reaction.

Oliver perked up. “It’s not that confusing, Ayu. Just takes a good mind to understand.” He chuckled, “Like solving a puzzle you can say.”

Ayu glared. “You’re just saying that because you’re smart.”

Oliver turned to him with lowered eyes. “If you’re saying I’m smart for understanding, wouldn’t that make you smart for creating it?”

“It’s not that I’m smart; I just don’t have any other life,” Ayu retorted.

Oliver only giggled. And Ayu almost found it genuine. Something gratifying to hear, in truth.

The trees’ whistles were absent compared to Ayu’s walk prior. Solely crickets and cicadas chirped in the distance. The disappearance of the cars, the crowds, the animals, the flower songs, it all isolated Ayu with what only appeared to be Oliver.

They walked on with the redhead leading the path. He passed logs with ease; he stepped along the embedded footprints through his every movement.

Ayu just tripped over a little mud valley.

Oliver smirked at him. “You haven’t been here often, haven’t you?”

Ayu lifted his head to see a blackened hand in front of him. He shook his head with eyes shut. “Just blame getting distracted.”

He dragged him up. “Doesn’t matter now. We’re almost there anyways.”

This is it. “Almost where?”

Oliver walked down further. “You’ll see… right here.” He shoved off a branch of a tree, opening a recollection.

The same stump laid barren in the middle of the dirty field. No rays of sun fell upon them as they entered. Rusty stains of blood still dressed up the grass while all the clumps of meat had disappeared.

Ayu’s mouth ran without him. “Oliver, why did you bring me here?”

The kid went to sit on the small stump. He mouthed silent words with a blank face:

“Sorry, friend.”

In only a blink, he was out of Ayu’s sight.

“Shit.” Ayu turned in all directions to find the fellow. “So that’s how he does it, huh?” He took a deep breath then a big gulp.

His eyes twitched to every direction. “S-so is it gonna be some magic?”

No reply.

“A knife?”

Silence.

“Your damn teeth…?” He huffed.

His heart raced; his breathing quickened in impatience; his hands shook with anticipation.

He whimpered out. “Oliver, I know you’re trying to kill me right now but…” He winced at pressing his bruise. “If I ever did anything, and if I ever do anything, I’m sorry. I’m just a dumbass.”

He cried to the air as his eyes burned. “I’m not gonna die but I don’t wanna hurt you. I don’t care if you can’t even hear this.” He paced his way to stand on the stump. “I’m sorry that you’re in pain; I’m sorry that your life is like this now; and I’m sorry if it’s all my fault!”

His last words echoed through the field.

However, a rustle in the bush replied to him.

He whipped his head back at the sound. The bush remained mute until a familiar voice rang in Ayu’s head.

With a stone-cold voice. All he spoke to him was, “Get ready,” before the beast pounced.

In a split second, a large yet slim figure leaped out of the bushes towards Ayu. It threatened the boy with its mouth and fangs open wide in front of him.

Ayu jumped out of the way with lucky initiation. He tumbled against the ground through his fall. Flinching through his now scratched up limbs, he pushed himself up and his eyes met what was growling at him.

The figure was covered up in black fur, marching around the terrain with its boney paws and cutting up grass with its bladed claws. Its glare shined bright with vermillion while a dark mist eroded from all over its wolf-like body.

“Holy fuck,” Ayu gasped.

The wolf pounced yet again at Ayu, only for him to jump out of every attack. Left and right, he played mouse for the beast as it continued to grow more and more vicious with its snarls.

“Okay, what the hell can I do here,” he panted.

“Beat it,” he replied.

Ayu’s legs ran weak the longer the tag game went on. His late signal began buzzing in his head as he cursed it.

Time dwindled while the wolf started to match his speed.

“What the hell do you mean by just beat it? Like-” He brought himself to a halt before another attempt of clobbering him.

The boy held his breath as the wolf got closer; and right before it could make a bite, Ayu socked him.

The wolf flew off to the side of the field. It jerked against its injury and whimpered from the pain.

Ayu’s lifted his body up from impact. His ears grew white noise; his mind turned into static. He stared blankly at the creature with dead eyes.

“Beat it before it gets to others, Ayu.” The repeated command was the only thing he could here.

He strolled his way to the monster, weak and immobile. It went on to cry for its pathetic life. He started with a kick, making it grimace, then kicked it again countless of times. He was deaf to its whines and pouts, he only watched it curl up and struggle to defend itself.

It took until the thing deteriorated into a black form, deep and pure in an abyss, and it transformed back into a small boy. He shook and whimpered against the hits.

Ayu froze.

The boy sat up in quivering arms. In only a second he vomited a dark red liquid. His skin paled and his eyes widened of shock. He pulled back his burgundy hair, no speed aiming him, just staring at the pool of blood. But like an alarm, his eyes darted up to a stilled Ayu, who only stared back with burning tears.

“Y-you’re still here…”

Ayu got down to where Oliver sat and clung onto his shoulders to form a hug.

He cried, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He repeated his apologies to no end.

Oliver’s movements weren’t there, no flinches, no fidgets. He mumbled out few words. “You’re not dead…”

Ayu held him back, still holding his shoulders. “I know! But I hurt you because of it like an idiot!”

“No… no, that was fine,” he argued. “You were the first to ever- wait did I make that bruise-”

“That doesn’t matter!” He sniffed, “You’re the one that’s hurt because of me.”

Oliver’s face softened. “That’s more impressive than anything, Ayu.”

“No, it isn’t!” He whined, and he didn’t stop until his throat clogged up.

Oliver’s voice returned. “Ayu, are you choking!?”

He coughed, “No- just,” coughed again, “crying a bit too much I think.”

“Oh god.” Oliver pulled a hair strand. “I forgot how dehydrated you are.”

“It’s fine-”

Oliver stood up immediately. “Here. I’ll get water for you.” He flinched and pressed on his stomach. “Christ- I’ll just be paying you a favor of being, well, alive.” He dashed off without Ayu’s ability to speak.

“Wait!” His voice rasped and burned his throat. “You don’t need to do that!” He stumbled up and ran after him.

***

Once they gathered themselves up, Ayu and Oliver traveled back to the alleyway. The streets still filled with chatter and city smoke worked alongside the sky to keep the world grey.

“How did you manage to buy a six pack?” Ayu sat beside Oliver. He clenched on a water bottle in his hand and sipped upon it.

“Easy: water’s cheap and I always have spare change in my pockets,” Oliver noted. His arm wrapped around his stomach; Ayu stared at the motion.

He questioned, “You’re more awake now, aren’t you?”

He nodded. “You woke me up pretty- not entirely harsh but you were just trying to save yourself.” He hissed at the wound. “I’m still probably gonna get sleepy again after a while so… might as well tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

Oliver fidgeted a hand on a loose cardigan string. His markings still laid across his body and the rims of his eyes started bleeding into a black as well. “Coincidentally enough, the day you first saw me like that, I met someone while I was unconscious… I’ve been talking to them since then ‘cause it seems as if she knows what’s going on with me.”

You mean the guy you talked to a few times? “Who is that?”

He sighed, “From what she claims, she’s my biological mom.”

Ayu choked on his own water. “What?”

“That’s how I know the fact that I won’t change.” Ayu caught the kid’s watery eyes.

“… But what if-”

“And apparently,” Oliver rambled, “she just wanted me to live a ‘normal life’ for seven years straight until it all hit me like a brick but even when it started, she’s hasn’t been able to talk with me until now.”

An idea circulated in Ayu as Oliver spoke. “W-wait, so does she know your entire situation?”

“Yeah.”

“And just can’t say it directly?”

“Probably.”

Ayu took a chug. “Can’t you ask her about how to deal with this then? Like when you attacked me, it looked like you were using some power.”

“That’s right,” Oliver added. “I forgot but, what exactly happened while I was asleep?”

“Attacked me in a wolf form. Thought you were another monster like a moron and almost tried to kill you I think.”

“Oh God.” Oliver placed a hand over his head.

“Still sorry ‘bout that.”

“Still more of a me-problem.”

Ayu cleared his throat. “Okay but yeah, you may be less sad if you actually know what you’re doing in the first place from her.”

Oliver remained silent, then took a deep breath. “… How did I not think of that before?”

“I dunno,” Ayu shrugged. “Maybe we’re both dumbasses.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

No replies or comments were made for a good four minutes. Ayu wandered in thought to reach for another question.

“You said your mom isn’t allowed to explain things, right?”

He nodded.

“Who’s not allowing her,” Ayu asked.

Oliver left his hand on his chin. “She doesn’t say their name, just that they’re their leader.”

“Their leader? Of what?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that too,” Oliver rushed. “My mom’s like 4 centuries old and lives in an immortal society that has to kill for their monthly membership payment.”

Ayu stilled. “Okay, what the fuck is your family tree?”

“Based on what I can tell,” Oliver stated, “fucked.”

Ayu sided his lips. “The leader’s the one who makes the rules for ‘em, right?”

“Yep.”

He took another bottle of water. “Do you think I can come with you at some point?”

Oliver raised a brow.

“I feel like the leader may have something to do with the monsters.”

“And why do you think that?”

… There’s no evidence, huh? “Just a hunch. Like, a vague dude who’s some cruel ruler? Sounds like a normal villain.”

Oliver squinted his eyes towards him, but shrugged. “Guess that can make sense.”

In a split second, Oliver shook forward from the alley wall, making a yelp. “Fuck!” He pressed on his shirt.

Ayu paled, his eyelids pinching up. “You still need to eat… don’t you?”

“It’s fine.” Oliver raised his hand towards Ayu. “I probably have enough strength to just- …”

“Just what? Eat?”

“… Kinda.” Oliver sighed. “I forgot to tell you one last thing.”

Ayu bit his cheek. “What?”

His hand rested on his left arm, grabbing it. “I’ve had my black sun mark for a while now. But, it popped up somewhere that I didn’t wanna show.”

Ayu took a glance at his movements. “Your arm, right?”

He nodded. “I should explain… Remember how I starve a lot?”

“Yeah?”

“I uh, usually tend to treat myself when I can’t handle it much longer.” He trembled. “After I think the first year, I started realizing how good… it tastes. But I didn’t wanna hurt anyone. So,” He lifted up his sleeve.

What bared on his wrist, right on top of a vein, was his black sun mark; however, further down his mark varied in streaks of scars and cuts. The blood seeped of violent reds and purples. And through some courses of marks, black began to show through the blood scabs.

Ayu gawked at the amount of lines made by the child. Thoughts ran throughout his little brain and screamed out to him from the sight. You’re the reason.

It almost brought him to tears again.

“The blood helps me distract myself.”

Ayu lifted his head up to Oliver, concern and guilt written all over his face. Though, Oliver faced away, and Ayu couldn’t assume any other face aside from loathing.

Ayu took a gulp. He whimpered, “Stop… don’t do that anymore, please.”

“It’s alright, Ayu. It heals right after I get some food.”

“But that’s too much of a risk, Ollie.”

“Trust me,” Oliver reassured. “It’s okay that I do this. I’m careful about it.”

He huffed, “You have a damn good reason for starving yourself. This’ll just make it too much.” He grabbed the spot where the sun mark was.

Oliver squeaked. “Ayu- You’re holding on too tight again.”

“Promise me to just- …” Ayu breathed, lessening his grip. “Just do it less.”

He let go of Oliver, face ridden in regret.

Oliver swiped his arm back and covered up the scars with his sleeve again. “I… thank you.” He clenched onto his shirt as he stood up, already walking away from the conversation and Ayu. “I should probably get going.”

Ayu avoided his eyes again. “Are you going to…?”

“Not sure,” he answered. “I probably will eventually.”

“Right.” He nodded it off.

They stayed in position for a time’s notice.

“Sorry about hitting you,” Oliver added. “… See ya.”

Ayu didn’t watch as he walked away. He instead covered up his bruise again, shame whistling out of his entire being.

“Bye.”

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