#I actually started a version this a while ago where they are super spaced out and in a beige room

[system-of-a-feather]

(more programming / TBMC / RAMCOA talk; nothing too heavy, same as last post, we just put it under the cut for ourselves cause these topics don't benefit most parts to engage with and thus we kept it off our own notifications)

But honestly, lately with how far into recovery we are and how much on and off fusing with XIV has stabilized me a lot more and made me a lot more clear with who I am and all that shit, I've largely been thinking a lot on the shit I've been through and all the parts I've been, cause at this point, I'm really trying to reconnect with my scattered subsystem parts.

Less so "scattered" and more so long lost because - for those that don't know / havent followed - like nine months or so ago an old version of myself that went by Data just kind of imploded under a lot of stress, pressure, trauma, and self destructive loops that were set off by the way we were healing and what not.

It was honestly really fucked up and a really unfair cause we were genuinely trying really hard to be "a good part" but programming and shit kept had us between "literally dying and at complete overload" or "doing shit that hurts ourselves and the system" and so we'd always just end up doing shit that caused problem and honestly, we had done everything we could to remove ourselves in that form from the picture in a healthy and failed multiple times - and so it was honestly kinda super fucked that when trying to stop existing, we instead shattered into like 4 or 5 parts

But in the end of it, I was a part that existed as a complete - for lack of better words - "burn out" and very extreme "turned off" response to the programs that were being regularly triggered prior to self implosion and it was a huge mess at first, but it ended up with me becoming the host of that subsystem and really? As much hell as it was, the implosion and generation of another subsystem really I think disconnected a lot of the experiences we had as Data and managed to shut down a number of parts to actually let me develop beyond just a "burnt out" state.

And in hindsight? It really worked because while I'm still Data, still part of that heavily and completely fucked programmed original part, I was "generated" in a state of literally being unable to deal with anything and as a part to cope with that and with space, really became a more developed part who is centered around the ability to cope and deal with what we were programmed to do and to.... NOT do that.

And now that I'm a lot more stable and full of a part, I honestly can go back and collect and look back at our experiences of how things have happened and how each part felt and worked and put things back together. At this point I hold almost everything Data originally did. I can look back and replay things and understand things and understand where everything came from, but I'm *not* Data - I'm Chunn (everyone in the brain says I should start spelling it Cheng or at least claim that as my secret Chinese name because its pronounced the same but I like the Chunn spelling so they can fuck off /hj)

And in that sense, the thing Data wanted so bad - to not be here and to not be in the way and to have anything but chronic stress and trauma responses and to just not cause problems for everyone in a desperate attempt to feel safe again - while it's not at all in the way he wanted or imagined it to be, he - we - got it. I don't resemble him much at all anymore, and that's sad in it's own way, but at the same time, is that not the very wish itself? To be ourselves but in a form we created and not in the form someone else created us for?

Anyways, these days it's kind of funny cause I basically serve a roll for the system that is the OPPOSITE of what we were programmed to do and while other parts are not as "impacted" as I was, I do end up sitting here and looking at the "less impacted" parts and go "Okay well that came from this shit I did and you don't notice it but that behavior of yours is intended to synergize (negatively) with what I was programmed to do so I'm going to tell you that I don't want to participate in that"

Cause as much as we were the overtly programmed part, I'm really realizing that it neither started nor ended with me and it really is oddly nice to be able to look at that and help in detangling this garbage.

And not to go into the details for safety reasons, but recently our therapist asked a question to Riku / Fei as to why we were doing XYZ and not another thing that would be more in character for them - and at the time they came up with some round about reason and explanation to which I had to ask, when they were thinking about it the next day, ".... is it not just because [feeling and condition that I know was an active major trigger]? Because you know you can state that and that is a perfectly valid and healthy thing to say. You are allowed to think that." and the genuine level of which they seemed to very hesitantly state it to themselves as if they were afraid to Set Something Off - it just really clicked something with me.

Cause that would have been me. That would have been me that would have been set off. That would have been me that would have changed that thought into a borderline / active crisis and/or mess that would be far more stress than just compliance to the programming. And in this moment, not only was I NOT being Set Off by it, but I was encouraging them to try it again despite many many many years of reinforced "if you do that you will regret it"

And it's really kind of nice to see. I can't think as original Data would, I barely can comprehend just how stuck that version of me was - they were so deeply intertwined in the programming its unfathomable even though it was me and I have the memories of it. Thus, I can't say "Data would be happy and proud to see where we've come", but I would like to think - even in the hell they were in - that theyd be comforted to know where we ended up.

But I digress. I felt like sharing this most of today cause man have we come far.

#alter: chunn #programming tw #programming #ramcoa tw #ramcoa #tbmc tw #tbmc #chill to reply if you like #im mostly rambling #recovery #healing

[adhdapp]

YOOO I’m excited! I wanna respect your time and whatnot, but I’m curious about the app called forrest basically you grow trees by focusing for set amounts of time. never tried it but the app store keeps recommending it to me. from a cursory look at the reviews, some people said it helps with phone overuse (hooray??) it is four dollars, not sure that you want to start with that. anyways thanks for your consideration, hope this blog goes super well :DD

This is actually an app I paid for the premium version of years ago, by chance! So I can give it a pretty complete shake. Here's the review.

Forest: Phone usage control

Overall rating: Certified, with stipulations. Here's the tl;dr

App includes a disincentive for failure (tree death), so if you're sensitive to even mildly feeling like you've fucked up, this might not be your bag

Low on novelty, so if you need a variety of goals to pursue quickly, this might not be your bag (other plant unlocks take a lot of time, forest grows one 25 minute increment at a time)

Achievements and events are a big plus, with several relatively easy achievements to keep you going.

No Dark Mode

supports a charity so that's pretty cool

Diamonds shop even after a 1 time purchase: go no further if you are susceptible to impulse purchases, I respect them keeping the lights on with optional bonus content, but it can be easy to chase the Purchase Dopamine and we need to say No Thank You

Red Flags: None, this app has been going steady for a few years and for seemingly pretty good reason. I didn't find any red flags with the charity it supports either. It's not on a subscription model, and nothing in it seems to be ridiculously priced.

Dopamine hits: Okay so the main drive for using this app is growing the big old garden of trees, collecting different trees, and seeing the physical space of that garden grow. With this said I have One Major Concern I'd like to get out of the way.

Are you the kind of person that's going to feel like shit if you let a plant die? Will you accidentally tab out, kill a tree, and be miserable out it? Do not use this app.

It DOES let you clear the dead trees out of your garden (see above) but personally I don't find disincentives like that as compelling as positive reinforcement. The app is encouraging about it (as you can see) but personally I'm wary of things where I can receive what feels like a punishment because I was only productive for five minutes and not the allotted ten I needed in order to keep the tree alive. the stopwatch mode reduces this, somewhat, but again, you need over 10 minutes. Make sure you allow texts or calls in allowed apps in settings so if something comes up you don't have to feel bad about killing a tree.

Features: Forest provides you one or two different tree types you can grow as you focus, and a nice little plot of land. I'll be honest, I don't think the free version gives you very much to work with, but the premium version gives you different kinds of trees you can grow, events, social connections, tracking, custom tagging system so you can track what you're spending your time off your phone doing, and best of all, achievements. Forest also comes with both a count-down and a stopwatch mode so that if you'd like to just study or work as long as you can you don't have to just do it in increments, which is nifty, and a change from some other pomodoro counters/timers. If using the app to just do poms/increments, there's a switch to keep the app on while you work.

Price: This app is a freemium (on android), but honestly, if phone restriction usage apps are useful for you, just buy the thing right out of the gate. It's 3.99 (also the price of the entire app on the apple store) and what you get for that price is like 99% of the functionality of the app imo. 3.99$ for a one-time unlock is ridiculously cheap for what you're getting. However. The other trees do take a hot minute to unlock. So if you need that cheap and easy serotonin and you have an intense need for novelty this might not be the move.

I will add a stipulation here: Make sure that phone restriction apps are actually what you Need if this is what you're using. if you're the kind of person who can respond to messages and still be productive, this may not be your bag. If you're on a computer and you're going to end up scrolling through tumblr on your laptop instead of your phone, this may not be your bag. Phone restriction apps are useful mainly if what you need to do is get off tech and go do something physical, like read a book or do chores. I do Not recommend this if what you're trying to do is write an essay on your laptop. It is just as easy to procrastinate on pc as it is on your phone. However, For What It Is, this app is extremely functional.

This app DOES have a diamond store and in app purchases to make extra cash but frankly I don't actually begrudge them this. With a one-time purchase that cheap and regular events that seem to allow you to unlock other plants, they seem to have a good content balance and hey, whatever they have to do to keep the app running. I just launched it again and it reminded me I have the pro version even through I bought that like eight years ago.

Polish + Customization: I'm grouping these together because I really have the same quibble for both, there isn't a darkmode on the settings screen, which is an annoyingly bright white compared to the rest of the app. News is Also bright white, so is the store, generally a lot of the things off the main page are bright white with no option to change them. I do not love that. But everything is easy to find and adjust, and though the load times can be a little slow (which is annoying) I generally can't complain too much.

Roadmap: News tab indicates that the app is still being updated and having new plants added, despite the developers seemingly have a couple other projects going- they've got a to-do list app I'm going to have to check out and one to prevent you using your phone while sleeping.

So there u go: Proceed with caution and respect for your specific needs, but it's top of the line in its category, imo. You just need to make sure that category is what you're looking for.

#adhd #app review #review request #forest #phone usage control #will update this review if I find out that charity is a scam but #it seems like they plant four new trees per user or something like that from their own notes and that's nifty #personally this app wasn't for me because I got sad about trees dying and also phone use restriction isn't my main issue #but i'm sure for someone somewhere this is just what they need #certified

[dreamingofmuses]

New Year's Resolutions: RP Edition

Howdy all, Ash here. I've been having a think while with family this week, and I've decided I'm going to implement some new 'resolutions' to try and help make writing in 2024 be way more successful than in 2023. This will include things from the running of blogs to jobs I really want to get finished. I'm putting them under a read-more to keep the dash nice and clean.

I will say, this has taken me an hour to write up, and I'd recommend you doing likewise if you think there's little ways you want to improve.

-

Overall Running of Blogs

I'm going to experiment a new approach to running the blogs. For this, I'm going to put all active blogs to low-medium activity. In other words, even if I am personally lurking on mobile, I won't be constantly writing things if I'm not able to. (Work is just about to get super busy and I'm anticipating chaos)

A queue/schedule function will be used for all blogs. I intend to dedicate one weekday evening to working without interruption on replies. Taking commutes to the city and family visits into account, this is looking to be a Thursday, which is the only day I am neither travelling to the city nor have a guaranteed family visit. Of course, this may fluctuate, but that's what I'm hoping to work with, assuming those things stay as they are.

However! What all this means is that I am going to tentatively take skullandbowties off hiatus. With that blog being quiet, it should be possible to juggle it better now. Plus, it's officially off-season so the demand for him from new blogs ought to be low. I'm very smart :D

I also plan to update all pinned posts. I am aware some of them are marking a vacation from months ago.

Individual Blog Maintenance

Create "New Here?" posts to add to the pinned posts/info tags. This is going to be a very quick crash course on what to expect from the blog, especially where some characters might diverge from fanon expectations.

FINISH. WILF'S. BIO. It's not actually relevant to anything being written on the blog itself at present, but I really want to flesh out his character and show that he was stuck in stories for years, decades even! The doc has the word count to 4,888 at this precise moment. This is a mix of summary and brainstorm. Since it's getting a 'little' out of hand, I intend to have a 'tldr' at the start that people can read, and then longer versions if they're curious to get the full story. Maybe even have it that they can jump to particular parts but... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Likewise, Noah's version of Space needs to be finished. This one is going to be a summary, but it's a case of making sure the pieces are in place sufficiently to have parts match canon Space, but also make it clear that there is a lot of differences between canon and what he went through, with his plot entirely spiralling away for 'Part 2'. This is at 5,794 words, and the ending has yet to be ironed out...

(I am going to stop creating needlessly long-winded projects for myself that realistically add nothing of value to my blogs. These two projects are exhausting...)

Theauthorlives is returning to a very small multimuse. Any muses that aren't ones I genuinely enjoy writing are being fully archived, unless they are muses that get no traction but I want to keep the possibility open. Details of that will be shared when I do this.

Redo some muse icons (not all of them!). Though the selection I have for particular sets is a lot, I still feel like I'm missing some expressions or poses. I would like to remake one batch of icons for three characters, and finish iconning a third. Replies seem to be shifting toward iconless, but I like them for asks or IC commentaries.

OOC/Mun Related stuff

Following matters that have happened both online and IRL, I've decided to take a step back from actively engaging with people. My focus will be people that I have been in good communication with for the last twelve months (as well as people I don't talk to frequently but am on friendly terms with) rather than people I feel I have to 'chase' after. Saying that, I'm going to try and not let past experiences meddle with anything in with new writing partners - whether these are brand new to the community or people I've not had the chance to properly interact with prior to this. Just be aware that I might not be super outgoing at first. (This is where setting limits and boundaries is good practice, everyone! Don't sell yourself short, and don't spread yourself out too thinly!)

Which is where I now say I want to send even more asks! Not just memes or sentence starters, but general questions about headcanons or muse opinions. I want to get people thinking more.

My stance on Discord still stands, in that it's solely for OOC stuff, but I'm not giving it out to everyone. However, I have been in two group servers that have little-to-no connection with writing rp threads in them. I would hope that I can fully regain my sense of comfort using Discord as a whole.

Art related

Despite socially stepping back, I still want to keep some semblance of 'community' where my blogs are active so people don't feel isolated. For instance, I want to do something that encourages invasions of ask boxes. That was good fun to watch as the chaos began to spread, and when people are good-humoured to go along with my silly ideas.

I want to have one huge art-related event at some point this year. I'm not entirely what or how to do it, but I think it would be a great excuse to practice something. Portraits, comics, something like that. I'll have a think. (For those who remember, the water gun event was supposed to have an art conclusion but plans for that fell through.)

I want to try and upload drawn responses to heythereneighbor once a week if I can. Obviously, this is depending on how busy it is.

I'd also like to try doodling more on other blogs? But I'm not sure if this is even something people want to see anymore. People might prefer I focus on writing if I have free time instead of doodles or little comics.

... the writing blog. I need to do stuff with that in general. Whoops.

Finally, I want to do what I can to the best of my abilities on a particular day. I've always told people over the years that real life comes before rp, and I still stand by that. Whether I'm around or not every day isn't the end of the world. The communities I write in are a lot slower paced than they were when I started, which is great! I need to remind myself that I don't need to be writing just because I have a bit of free time.

#(but some of these won't be starting this week because my work week is a little jumbled up) #(one tldr is that I intend to have one day a week for writing that should hopefully be a Thursday #but not Thursday of this week because I'm commuting to work and have personal stuff on as well) #(aaaand now I sleep. Have to catch a bus in the morning.)

[writingpencil]

Beyond the Monster

Holy shit, this one is SIX years old (2019)

It definitely shows too (*sigh* cringe is dead but my era shows)

So, the OG concept was that, two years ago, a zombie outbreak made teens Rhys, Kiki, Jon, and Zyrann form a group to survive. Now they're nineteen, almost twenty, on their way to South Carolina, where there's supposedly an outpost.

However, Zyrann(1st person POV) gets sepereated from his group(I honest to god thought Zyrann was a girlie lmao oops) and has a bad accident. Thankfully, they are saved by Zero and his wolf, Echo, who later agree to help him reunite with his friends.

(Also Zy's group calls the zombies "mutants" while Zero calls them "roamers")

Prolog

“Kiki Taria,” 

“Here!”

“Jon Rider?”

“Present and accounted for.”

“Rhys Brewer?”

“I’m not late!”

The rest of the class, including our teacher Mr. Dendwin,laughed at Rhys’s usual “jokes”, if you can even call them that. I never found Rhys to be funny, or Jon to be smart, or Kiki to be pretty, but they were. Some could say they were the best part about humans, their minds beyond what is natural.

That’s major league bs. 

They were like the rest of us; human. 

And yet I found myself being friends with these three. . .

Not my choice, parents are friends so we spent many an afternoon at each other's houses and played in the backyard.

Well. They played and I sat in a corner reading. 

I do that all too much; read. 

I read all I can, whatever you put in front of me I’ll read it. Something else. . . I draw, whatever that’s good for. I’m actually drawing right now, ignoring what Mr. Dendwin is saying other than listening for my own name. 

“Zyrann Zen.”

I simply just raised my hand, a custom between my teachers and I. They simply mark me down and I don’t have to speak. 

I adjusted my mask, and continued to draw. 

Kiki passed me a note, neatly folded up in that “perfect” way. 

She didn’t write it tho, the handwriting belongs to Jon;

Hey Zyrann,

Would you like to join Kiki, Rhys, and I for lunch in the library? We plan on going there again after school. Also, Rhys said it was okay that you could stay with him.

Just show up.

-Jon.

I’m going to show, lunch is boring and there is no heart in my home. . .

Chapter 1

Where the heart is

“Wake up, Zyrann.” Kiki had to shake me in order for me to wake up. 

I just looked up as if her shaking me didn’t, almost, give me a concussion. “Kiki, where are Rhys and Jon?”

“They took the jeep to Misty Hollows,” Kiki said, she started to cook an MRE we found.  And of course they took the jeep, that’s Jon’s intelligence for you. He’s a smart cookie. 

“Kiki, you’re cooking it wrong.”

“What?”

I re-showed her how to actually cook an MRE. Thankfully we even had MREs, none of us have anything to make a fire with. 

Please don’t underestimate Kiki, she really is smart but she gets absent-minded a lot. Not her fault, actually, it’s a trait that her family passed down. She use to complete her homework and tests that way; staring off into space and letting her subconscious do all the work, she never got a wrong answer.

Kiki and I had shared the MRE, she said the boys had shared a can of peaches before they headed out. Misty Hollows looks promising for medical supplies as well as food, with little to no mutants. 

Mutants. . . Right.

Mutants are the equivalent of the roaming, walking, crawling, ugly dead that people love to butcher from comics. But, our version of mutants are different since they separate into categories. 

There are the walkers; they can’t run or move at all unless it is walking. They are really easy to avoid and super weak, and may be pathetic if you die from one of them. A horde is the same way, except it’s twice as terrifying. 

Then runners; Only run, and not as weak as the walkers but weak enough to be considered weak. They are fast, faster than the average human, and hard to run from. A horde is. . . imagine a large group and they are trying to get you and eat you while you try and run ahead. Yup, that’s scary.

Crawlers are typically legless, and that’s not a joke. They crawl, they sneak, they bite. And some can crawl on walls. . . I like to call them spiders. 

Next is the Brawlers. They’re twice the size of a six foot human, and could probably one punch you. They typically are surrounded by a horde of mutants, walkers, so the walkers can find the humans and the brawler can destroy them. In one world, they are demons. In the other world, they are like protective mothers who are only trying to feed their babies. I’m not joking; I observed a brawler and her crowd and she literally grabbed a carcass and gave it to them. 

The father, or so I’ve seen, is what we call the Gladiator. They are two feet taller than Brawlers and can destroy entire buildings as tall as New York’s skyscrapers. And the Gladiator, because there is only one or two, remains in Manhattan eating whatever he can catch. 

Thankfully we managed to avoid Brawlers and the Gladiator, but that’s because we stick to the trees since Brawlers and Gladiator cannot go through them without damaging themselves first. 

“Zyrann. . .” Kiki said. 

“Yup.”

Kiki simply shrugged. “If we were to make it to South Carolina, do you think we could make a pit stop in Sunstone Valley? It’s a pretty small town but I know where it is.”

I nodded. “I’m with you, I know you want to find Hayden. But, really, it’s up to Jon.”

Jon is our leader, he makes the major and most of the final decisions. For two reasons. One; Jon is smart. Two; Jon is logical. 

But, knowing Jon, he’ll let us go to Sunstone. 

Crack.

We both stopped moving, and looked around making little noise as possible. I pulled out the pistol and readied it, Kiki took out her’s. 

“Zyrann. . . We don’t have silencers!” Kiki whispered to me. 

“I know,” I whispered back. “Don’t shoot unless absolutely necessary. Run if its a walker or crawler, shoot if its a runner.”

Jon’s gonna hate me if I get Kiki killed. 

“Stand.” I whispered as I stood myself. Kiki followed. “Get your bag.”

Kiki, quietly, put on her bag. She keeps the food and water. I already have my bag on, I keep track of whatever they miss. Jon has back-up weapons and ammo, Rhys takes the medical supplies. 

A surprise from our joker; He’s a decent doctor. 

Kiki got out her walkie-talkie. “Rhys, Jon, come get us. There’s something here and it’s not friendly.”

Jon’s static voice came through; “We’re coming back, meet us by the road.”

“Okay.”

Kiki and I just got out of there, the woods I mean, and we waited by the road at the ready. Honestly, I’m sure we just panicked and it was just a mouse or rabbit or something. . . But I rather be safe than sorry. Especially these days. 

That same black jeep sped on over to where Kiki and I were waiting. 

“Hey party people!” Rhys said, thankfully Jon was the one driving. “Get in already! Zyrann, your mask is crooked.”

I fixed my mask as I got in. 

“Where we heading off?” Kiki asked.

“South Carolina, where else?” Rhys deserved that slap to his head. 

Jon took off before he answered. “I was thinking we’d go to Redwick, then we could make a stop to Silverkeep, and then Icemeet.”

That would take us a week, that’s without pit stops or resting or sleeping. 

“Did I make you mute, Zyrann?” Rhys asked, we had been driving for an hour or two and he and Kiki switched seats. 

I pointed to my mask. 

“Sorry,” Rhys said. “Can you talk, please? I’m real sorry!”

I looked out the window, completely ignoring Rhys. 

My mask. . . Yes, my mask. . .

My mask is just a plain white hockey mask that covers all of my face, the mouth area had a red ‘x’ over it. . . I’ve been wearing this mask my entire life, from birth and soon to death. And, for some reason, whenever someone mentions it I immediately don’t talk for the rest of the day or longer. I remember going silent for an entire week because someone mentioned it.

I also remember not talking for a month when Rhys attempted to touch it.

Heh, he still tries to touch it.

“Come on Zyrann!” Rhys whined. “I’m sorry!”

I ignored him. 

Jon and Kiki looked at one another, they nodded. 

Kiki looked back at us. “We need to make a pit stop for gas, in Civil.”

Jon drove into Civil, parking the car away from the gas station. Kiki got out with Jon and they both went to get gas. . . What?

An awkward silence loomed between Rhys and I, Kiki and Jon weren’t coming back until he and I made up or something stupid like that. But talking is out of question.

That doesn’t mean Rhys isn’t going to try.

“So,” He started with. “For once, it’s not raining huh? It’s nice out, I like it!”

Although I agree, I’m still not talking Rhys. 

“Remember when you use to sleep over?”

Rhys. . . Why would you bring that up? What are you doing, Rhys?

I shifted my gaze over to Rhys, he was looking down at his hands, which shifted nervously.

Rhys continued; “I was always confused on why you wore that mask, even when you sleep. I always thought that is must of been uncomfortable. . . You know I almost saw you without your mask once?”

I twitched.

“Funny enough, it was two years ago. . . Before everything went down.”

That day? 

“Yeah,” Rhys said, he noticed I twitched. “You were in the guest room and Mom sent me to go get you, you left the door opened. I almost caught you in the mirror but I opened the door and I didn’t get the chance. . .”

Yeah, I hate remembering that day. 

We were seventeen, last year of school. I do take my mask off, occasionally. Like bathing or sleeping, only when I’m by myself, and just because. I wanted to take it off that day, just to remember what I looked like. 

I stared myself for a good ten minutes, at my dark brown hair and way too “perfect” shade of blue eyes, my fairly translucent skin. . . Not an ounce of my father was there, just mother. Father said I was everything she was; looks, personality, skills, even our childhood was the same. 

But I doubt Mother would be happy with Father, she use to be so cheerful though that it's hard to imagine her being angry. 

Back to that day. . . 

Rhys had entered my room, bright and cheery and thrown a mouthful of breakfast puns at me. I had to quickly put my mask on, it was crooked so I fixed it and played it off as if that was what I was doing.

Then, his mother screamed. 

We both ran to see what was the matter. Rhys mother was on the floor, being eaten alive by some random lady that had spikes growing from her back. You could just see the life being drained. . .

I pushed Rhys back into my room, locked the door, and just started to panic. 

Rhys had to sit and he started to cry, his sobs stung me. . . Stabbed right through the heart. 

“She. . . she. . .” He could barely speak.

I sat beside him and comforted him the best I could. 

While Rhys cried into my shoulder, I called Jon. He and I made a plan and he drove to pick us up after Kiki. Rhys and I had exited through the window. And, we went from there. 

How can I stay silent after that?

“Rhys. . .” I barely managed to get out. “Come here. . .”

Rhys moved over to me, I instantly wrapped him into a hug. 

I hate this! I hate all of this! 

My best friend had to suffer, watching his mother get eaten before his very eyes! 

No. . . stop it Zyrann. . . you knew who she was. . . what kind of person she was. . .

You have to hold him, you’re all he has left anymore.

“Sorry Rhys. . .” 

“It’s fine, my fault anyways.”

“No. . .”

Rhys laughed. “I really do want to see you though.”

“No. . .”

“I can’t just,” Rhys reached for my mask. “Pull this off and-”

I grabbed his wrist. “No.”

“Can you say something other than no?” 

I smiled. “Yes.”

Rhys rolled his eyes. “I hate you.”

“No.”

“Not again! I will hit you!” 

“Try.”

I immediately exited the car and sprinted towards Jon and Kiki, with Rhys chasing me. I hid behind Jon and couldn’t stop laughing, or giggling, doesn’t make a big difference.

“We can’t leave the kids alone for two minutes!” Jon said.

“We’re older than you!” Rhys retaliated. 

That part is true, but we’re all nineteen and soon to be twenty for Rhys and I. 

“Aw, come on, Jon,” Kiki said. “At least Zyrann is feeling better,”

Jon nodded. “Come on, back to the car we go.”

Usually, one of us would groan or complain, even Jon, but by now. . . I’m sure we’re use to the road in the two year span we’ve been driving. The first car was Jon’s, that ran out of gas. Our second car got kidnapped by false friends. This is our third car.

Right now; Jon’s driving, Kiki is looking at CDs, and Rhys was searching through his bag. 

“Rock or Punk?” Kiki asked.

Jon voted on “Rock.”

Rhys voted on “Punk.”

Kiki looked at me and I just shrugged. Personally, I like rock music and punk isn’t bad either. I’m not real picky when it comes to music, same way with most things. 

“Um,” Kiki closed her eyes and randomly chose one. Rock. “Oh! Okay!”

Rhys rolled his eyes. Rhys hates rock music, for some reason, and doesn’t like punk music either. He just has some type of hatred towards it, so he went with the music he hated less. 

To end Rhys suffering, I took out some ear plugs I had. As I mentioned before, I keep everything I consider useful. That doesn’t mean I don’t carry food, water, or weapons. 

“Here.” I said, giving Rhys the ear plugs.

He happily took them and smiled when he couldn’t hear a thing. 

We had to make a stop for the night, we were all too tired to continue. So Jon parked the car off road, we were surrounded by forest. We all got out, Jon sat in the cargo back of the jeep while Rhys and I chilled on the ground. Kiki took out two cans of oranges, which I opened with one of the two can openers I had. 

“You can eat Rhys.” I said, giving him the can. 

“You gotta eat too Zyrann.”

“I’m fine, I’m not hungry anyway.”

“Eat.”

“No.”

“Zyrann!”

I smiled, even though Rhys can’t see it. 

I stood and started to walk towards the forest.

“Where you going?” Rhys asked.

“My business.” I said and continued to walk away. 

“You should take your bag.” Jon said.

I shrugged. “I’m going to be gone for two minutes, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Honestly, I wasn’t planning on doing what they thought I was. I was going to be by myself for two minutes, chill in a tree without my mask on. 

I did find a suitable tree that I was able to climb up and just relax in. I took off my mask and breathe in the air. A gentle breeze blew, my hair moved ever so slightly with the leaves of the trees and the grass on the ground. I stared at my mask, just for a moment, before switching my gaze back to the trees. 

“HOOOOOOOOOOWL!”

The call of a wolf’s echoed from somewhere in the forest, they are not common here other than in wildlife parks and zoos. I never liked either, no one likes being caged or watched, or laughed at.

Wolves are beautiful creatures, I read many tales about wolves - both fiction and non-fiction. I like the black wolves the most, the white wolves taking second, followed by greys and the others are just fourth together. It was the way I grew up; liking dark things more than fairy tales. Mother was the same way, she read to me these stories she called “creepypastas”, essentially internet scary stories spread around. My favorite is-

I guess I really am like Mother, getting off topic. 

“HOOOOOOOOOOWL!”

Hmpt. That wolf likes howling, maybe it's unaware of how the mutants work. They love sound. It’s not about sight, many mutants have bad eyesight, but the other senses will guide them like a parent with their child. 

I do not blame the wolf for not knowing, it sounds really young. Wolves live to six or eight years in the wild, maybe it’s right around two years old. . .

When a minute passed, I put on my mask and made my way down the tree and started the trek back to the group. 

I instantly became loss. 

I ended up just wandering the forest for minutes at end, sure that everyone was worried sick about me. 

The wolf had howled again, it was closer to me than before. . . 

“Shi-!” I wasn’t looking where I was going and completely, blindly, fell off a cliff. 

I’m not even exaggerating, I fell and rolled on the side of a cliff into a river at least ten feet deep and sunk to the bottom. 

There was no current, so I just stayed at the bottom. . .

I lost consciousness. . . In a sea of black. . .

Chapter 2

Wrong type of person

“Shh Echo,” A voice said, it sounded male but soft. “Hand me the disinfectant. . . thanks pup.”

I felt a sharp sting to my side, it made me move and let out a similar sound to pain. 

“Easy, Echo,” The voice spoke. “He’s just waking up. No, pup, leave his mask alone.”

I blinked a couple times, the sun blinded me and I immediately shut them. I went to sit up but a hand was placed on my chest and kept me on the ground.

“Don’t move,” The voice said. “You hurt yourself and will take out your stitches.”

“S-Stitches?” I managed to squeak out. 

“Yes, you cut your head open. It’s not as bad as you’d think.”

I felt someone, maybe the person the voice belongs to, wrap some bandages around my stomach and side. 

The voice chuckled. “You took quite a beating, falling off of Divers’ Cliff like that- Echo! Down girl!”

I felt a pressure against my chest making me cough, it was gone just a second after, followed by a whimper.

“Shush Echo, I know you’re trying to help, pup.”

“Who. . . are you?” I asked.

“Drag the bag under the tree, pup.” The voice avoided my question. “Yes Echo, I’m sure I can pick him up.”

“What?”

“Hold still.”

He placed his hands and arms on my back and under my knees and lifted me off the ground. It hurt and it took all of me not to complain. He moved me only a couple feet away in the shade of a tree and had me lay against it. 

“You’re out of the sun,” The voice said. “You can open your eyes.”

Which I did.

Before me was a man kneeling in front of me. He had platinum blonde hair and dark green eyes, pale as me, wearing a dark green hoodie with the hood up and a pair of jeans and running shoes. He wasn’t frowning, or smiling, he was just there. . . 

Staring at me. 

“Hello. . .” I soon became very nervous, and this was all I could say. 

“Hello.” He said, his voice surprised me, despite me already hearing it. 

A sleek black wolf nudged a dark green bag at this man’s side, it had blue eyes the shade of the sky. 

“Thank you, Echo,” The man said, petting the wolf’s ears and neck. “Good pup, arencha girl?”

The wolf accepted the man’s petting and licked his hand. The wolf, a female named Echo, turned to look at me.

“He’s all right, pup.” The man assured Echo. “He may be dazed though, so be soft.”

Echo nodded, then licked my cheek like a puppy meeting a new person.

The man looked up at the sky, mumbled something I couldn’t hear, then turned to Echo.

“Echo, hunt.”

Echo nodded and ran faster than the wind in a certain direction.

The man held his hand out to me, but my nervousness didn’t let me shake it. The man just simply put it down, rummaged through his bag, and took out a pill bottle. He took out one and put the bottle back in his bag.

“This should help,” He said. “It’s a pain pill, nothing too high but it will help nonetheless.”

“I’m not in pain.” I said. 

“You will be.”

“Is that a-”

“A threat?” The man cut me off. “No, but soon enough when your body becomes fully conscious with your mind your muscles will be sore and your bruises will be pain filled. Please, for your sake and mine, take it.”

I, extremely slowly, took the pill and swallowed it. 

“I. . .” What do I even say?

“Tell me your name,” The man said. 

I’m glad I don’t have to start the conversation.

“Zy. . . Zyrann.”

The man nodded. “Nice to meet you, although I would have preferred a different situation instead of saving you from drowning.”

“Th. . . thank you.”

The man shrugged. “It’s nothing, but I advise you to be more careful Zyrann.”

The way he said my name. . . it sent chills down my spine. 

“What. . . is your. . . name?”

The man hesitated, he went to open his mouth but quickly shut it. 

“Please?” I begged.

The man nodded. “I’m Zero.”

Zero. . . 

Echo came back with a brown rabbit in her mouth.

“Good girl, Echo,” Zero said. Zero stood and went a bit away from me. He took a foot long stick, maybe, and tied a rope to it. Echo had some dry grass and small twigs and put it besides Zero. Zero took his rope and stick and another stick and did this. . . fancy way of making a fire. 

He made smoke, blew on it, and a small flame blazed. He had Echo fetch some stick and made a fire roar. He skinned the rabbit, put the fur aside, stuck a stick through it and made a quick spit.

I gagged at the skinning and the stick part. 

Zero looked up at me as I did it and said; “Don’t throw up, you’ve lost too much fluid as it is.”

Echo rubbed her muzzle against my stomach, which made it feel better. I lifted my hand a bit off the ground, Echo tucked her head under my hand and let me rest it there and pet her. 

Than I instantly remembered my friends.

“Jon, Kiki, Rhys. . .” I said their names and tried to move, but Echo placed her head on my stomach and prevented me from going far.

“Easy Echo,” Zero said. “He can’t go as far as you’d think.”

Echo eased herself but still wouldn’t let me go anywhere.

“Your friends ditched you.” Zero said bluntly.

“Wh-”

“Too many roamers. . .” Zero explained. “They looked, but they couldn’t stay. They are miles beyond us and it will take you a while to even catch them.”

“We’re heading. . . South Carolina. . .”

Zero gave me an odd look. “Why would you head to the Carolinas?”

“Outpost. . . civilization. . .” 

Zero sighed. “Oh. . .”

“Need to go. . . Sunstone. . . Valley.”

“That’s beyond a mistake.” Zero said. “There are two gangs who fight there all the time, the Blue Phantoms and Lost Souls. They’ll be killed on sight, or if they’re unlucky, taken to the camps.”

“My friend,” I coughed, screw this pain. “Kiki, her boyfriend’s there. Hayden Mayyor-”

“Mayyor.” Zero spat. “He’s such an asshole, did you not know he leads the Blue Phantoms?”

“No. . . Hayden’s a good man.”

“Who kills innocents at will, without complaint or hesitation.”

“Shut it.” I hissed, a weak hiss but still a hiss. “I know Hayden, he’s no murderer.”

“Guess you’re wrong.”

I wanted to scream at him, but I had no energy to do so. 

Zero sighed. “Sorry. . .”

I didn’t speak. 

Zero took out a hunting knife and skinned a small chunk of the rabbit off, inspected it, then gave it to Echo. 

“Not cooked enough,” Zero explained. “It’s too raw, pink. Echo, you can go hunt for yourself or scout our surroundings. Sixty feet radius.”

Echo got off me and ran off. 

“Do you truly plan on going to the Carolinas? To Sunstone?” Zero asked.

I nodded. “Of course I do, I’m not going to abandon my friends.”

Zero sighed, he sighs an awful lot. “Then I wish you luck.”

“You can’t come with me?” I asked. 

Zero shook his head. 

“I’ll die without you helping me, I can’t make it on my own. . .”

Zero didn’t speak at first, he remained in thought for moments on end.

“Fine.” He said finally. “I’ll take you to the Carolinas, or you reunite with your friends, but I’m leaving after that. Got it?”

I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

Zero cut another chunk of the rabbit off, inspected it, then ate it. 

“Rabbit’s done Zy.”

I could move, despite how sore everything was and that I was beyond tired and that it was slow and filled with pain. I sat up from my slouching and held out my hand. Zero gave me a sliver of rabbit, which I ate slowly. Zero ate some, but he took the rabbit skin, stood, and walked off.

“Where are you going. . ?”  I asked.

“Just over here.” Zero said, he went only a couple yards away, knelt down and dipped the rabbit fur into. . . water? He was cleaning it, and came back. 

I watched as Zero took out a small suitcase box with many spools of different color thread and varies of needles. He started to sew away on the fur, turning them into. . 

Gloves? 

When Zero was finishing up, Echo came back and pawed at the ground. She pawed three times, and pointed her head to my right. 

“Okay,” Zero put aside the fur gloves and put everything away into his bag. He put on his bag, took the gloves, and put the gloves on me. “We have to leave, Zy.”

“I kinda. . . can’t move fast.”

“I know.” 

“I’ll try and-”

Zero picked me up as he did before, was he seriously going to carry me?

He was seriously going to carry me!

Zero carried me out of the woods and onto the road, Echo followed closely.

“Will you have to carry me for long?” I asked.

Zero chuckled. “No, although I’m sure you wouldn’t mind. In an hour, you’ll be able to walk fine and not slow as a snail.”

“Although I’m sure you wouldn’t mind?’ What’s that supposed to mean?”

Zero didn’t respond. 

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #creative writing #writers #writer #long post #long read #prompts #writing prompts #cringe is dead but so am i #zombie #horror #“horror” #i cant call it horror can i

[re-readingcomics]

12/07/2023-02/03/2024

Over this period of time I read the books I had that are continuations of things I had been reading. I am not sure how much I have to say about any of them, hence the delay between finishing them and posting this.

I started with volume 3 of BRZRKR written by Keanu Reeves and Matt Kindt, art by Ron Garney, and colors by Bill Crabtree. I read the first two volumes recently and wanted to see how it wrapped up. I was worried about forgetting things in the mean time. I did, but while I read the final volume, what I forgot didn’t seem much worth remembering. The story was all in broad strokes. It wrapped up a plot about one employers of Unute and Diana, while leaving them to start a miraculous family with two quickly gestating and growing fraternal twins. It ends in space in a way sets up a new beginning. I don’t think I care enough to continue. I still like the art, but by now I feel cynical about this opening to a franchise. 

My normal way for choosing what to read is to prioritize wha I started the longest ago first. If I kept with this, I would have read Blood Stain 4 writing and art by Linda Sejic before BRZRKR 3. There has been six years between volumes, and I still haven’t gotten my to read piles down enough to re-read the first three. This is the only series that I haven’t written about here, as I wasn’t trying to do these kinds of updates when he las one arrived. It is also the one I enjoyed reading the most. I definitely forgot a lot of the plot, but there hadn’t been much of it. A throw away bit of dialogue in this volume worked as a reminder that the previous volumes only took place over a few days. The lead character, Elliot Torres only is confirmed to get the job as Vlad Stein’s assistant in this volume. On a related note, the previous volumes all had comedic material the back involving the characters in non-plot related situations, that show a level of familiarity that they hadn’t reached in the plot. This one didn’t. If anything, it did a lot to make up for time lost as far plot points go. We learn about about Torres’s adjustment to her new work/life balance, and more about the working Stein’s actual life here than I think we did ever before. Stein becomes a lot more human, despite all the other worldly or vampiric signatories around him, including how his text bubbles are black with white text, like the Sandman himself. I liked it the most of these reads. It’s pleasant and friendly and seems to exist just for itself. I also like the art, which combines reality and fantasy very well in a way that feels like they inform each other. It’s lovely.

Finally, I read Second Coming Trinity, the aptly named third volume of Second Coming. It is written by Mark Russell, art by Leonard Kirk and colors by Richard Pace. I read the firs two volumes way back in  2021 and I remember mostly liking them and being okay with the way the Jesus and Superman become roommates situation. But I forgot most of the plot including everything about the Lex Luther/Brainiac villain Cranius. This one is about the affect that Sunstar’s son, brining up examples of how both Sunstar and Jesus were dangerous super powered kids in their youth. Also there is an issue where it turns out God is disappointed in the human art market. Me too, but this just irked. The volume ended with a cliff hanger. Everything in the volume led to it. And yet I still feel like the creators bit off more than they can chew. It’s Sunstar flashbacks have a combination of “Super dickery” and “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” that feels too related to the writing about Superman over the decades to be a stand alone story. Jesus starts his own church to have a more direct control over his message, but that has worldly complications. We get to meet more of this world’s versions of Justice League characters, which mostly left me wondering why?

I have started y next comic book pile since finishing this. I am in a slow to read historic comics. I will update when I am ready. 

#comic books #what i'm reading #image comics #comics #boom studios #ahoy comics #brzrkr #keanu reeves #matt kindt #Ron Garney #bill crabtree #Blood Stain #linda sejic #Second Coming #Second Coming Trinity #mark russell #leonard kirk #richard pace

[infinitethree]

OOC::

This is gonna be a bunch of links to the Sanctuary builds, which are also linked in the doc of docs & taglist/links page on the sidebar.

I'll be adding some images I want to say something about. Also, just know that I frequently have gone back and tweaked or even completely redid parts of it.

Builds; Old-> New, save for Updates which is new-> old to show any new stuff easier.

Overall has over a thousand pics spanning from January 11th 2022 to a week or so ago. I've been working on this 1.16.5 creative world for what my launcher tells me is over 14 days of time spent entirely in-game.

There are over 150 mods used, ranging from itty bity ones ("No Potion Shift" at 3KB & "Shut Up Experimental Settings" at 5KB) to almost comically large ones ("Caves & Cliffs Backport" at 50,313 KB & "Modern XL" at 37,090 KB).

I run it on a laptop, but I do have to turn pretty much everything else off. I usually switch to my phone for music/podcasts + Discord and have just the game running. Also, I got this model specifically to handle Minecraft and for having ample space for my music. I have all of it stored on my computer and played through MusicBee, because I don't want a million ads.

You might notice that it takes a looooong time for most of the buildings to get roofs. This is because I didn't understand how those blocks worked. And also I just don't like doing them much; they're boring compared to the character detail stuff.

-Overall

-Updates (New-> Old)

-Day + Theo + Lee & Temp Refugees

-Dee + Orph + Perce & Forge

-Atlas + Quizzy & Adamantium

-KinderSofter!Crew [Perce’s friends] -Poison Farm

-Aster

-Daz + Raine

-Aleph + Khons

-Council of the Star Headquarters It's not in the actual album (since the dates don't align, because it was just a screengrab to share with Noodley vs a proper screenshot), but these were the original blocks I planned on using for the three main Summer Hills houses:

The mod with the tiles and logs got removed early on, so I had to pick something else to use. I like the end result way better, though; each house has a more distinct flavor while still being fairly cohesive.

If I had to pick a specific detail as my favorite, it'd have to be the creeper plushies. At some point, Lee decides that creepers are protectors; thus, anyone he cares about needs to have a plush version. Sentiments on the look of them are...mixed.

Theo thinks they're creepy as hell but his baby brother gave those to him-- thus, they're above his gear as an 'intimidation tactic'; Day is, uh, not super keen on waking up from a nightmare to the sight of creepers, so he has them out of his line of sight; Perce's friends think it's almost tooth-rottingly sweet but in a /pos way, etc.

It all spawned off of seeing the creepers in the "Modern XL" mod, and realized those are EXACTLY the sort weird, kinda unnerving thing a kid would latch onto.

Day, Theo

Dee, Orph, Atlas

Perce, Lee (there are just barely 5 in the shot and that's not even all of them!)

Quizzy

Oisin, Agni [Perce's friends]

Damon, Oxylos [Perce's friends

Aster, Khons + Aleph

Daz, Raine

And here's a few pics of things specifically referenced in prose:

Sibling Acceptance Rituals, chapter 1 (where they're standing near Theo's room)

Sibling Acceptance Rituals, chapter 2 (very start of the chapter)

any scene in the den of the main house

Progress is Relative, chapter 3 (referenced; Dee's lamps that "look like honey but do NOT taste like it")

Polaris Shines Above; Aster's temporary room

Polaris Shines Above, chapter 9 ([redacted], obviously VERY in progress)

Uhhh and it looks like I ran out of space. Hmm. I...will shuffle the Piccrew/Art to its own post, lmao.

I'm absolutely willing to answer questions about things anyone is curious about!! I love explaining myself, and more importantly, explaining things about my silly little blorbos. Or even just what mods I used.

#cocochaos #long post

[songsforthepierce]

Album Showcase: Dog Police - Dog Police

Okay so with some of the music posts there will be two different types I do. The first type which is this one is more of an overlook to a review of sorts on an album. The format will go in the order of how I found the album/band, a little bit of history of said band/musician/album, talking about the album cover, talking about the tracks on the cover, and then more of an overview of what songs I recommend to if I recommend the whole album. All right lets go.

So how I found out about Dog Police was back in 2016 when Todd in the Shadows reviewed Wall of Voodoo’s song Mexican Radio. In the video he mentioned Dog Police and showed a bit of the music video. I was fascinated and checked it out. I tried looking on info about the band at the time but the information was barely anything. Except I found their album and bought it.

So at the time when I found the song info on the band was scarce. The most I was able to find was they had a music video on MTV in 1983, it was a three member band, and the Amazon listing of their album states the album Dog Police was released in 2009. But this was back in 2016, over time info on said band has increased but is still limited. The band Dog Police was a side project of the Tony Thomas Trio. In 1982 is when they published the album Dog Police though in 2019 the album was re-released on vinyl and digitally which included two bonus tracks. I will go a bit further on other info on the band later when we get to the tracks.

Sorry for the quality of the picture of the album cover but this was the best I could find. I will say the cover art is quaint. I do like the toon style of the anthro dogs. It is a nice touch the titular dog police look different to one another compared to the music video. The cover is really emphasizing on the whole Dog Police part of the album while it hints at the last track outside the doorway, Our Bomb. The picture of the live action Dog Police with kiss marks is based on the actual album cover of the 1982 album under the same name (minus the kisses). I don’t have really much else to say on the album cover so we’ll move onto the music

Track 1: Dog Police

The first track of the album which is the hit song itself. Interesting thing is that the album version of the song is slightly different than the music video one. In the music video there is a build up which sets up for an odd atmosphere before the barking starts. While the album just starts straight away to the song. I wished the album did have the small instrumental build up since I felt like that really added to the song. The plot of the song is simple of a guy goes on a date with a dog lady and during said date she gets arrested by said dog police. That’s it really. However the common lyrics in the song is about the dog police themselves and how no one knows who they are. Which yeah, years ago when I found out about the song there was little to no info on the band itself and further there was even less info on the characters. Only more recently did I find out that in 1990 there was an 8 minute pilot shot for Dog Police where it is revealed that they are from outer space. Oh and  they have ESP, can run 50 miles an hour, and they can hear conversations from two miles away. Which okay sure why not. The pilot was never aired nor picked up which is sad to here. I would have loved to watch this even if it wasn’t going to be great. But anyway back to the song, the song itself is super catchy and has a fun energy to it. Though it being the first song on the album is concerning since I have heard music people talk about that you don’t want the first song of the album to be the hit one since that can make people disappointed to the rest of the album if it doesn’t live up to the first song. But hey, I want to keep an open mind so what are the rest of their songs like?

Track 2: Are You Middle Class Enough?

Uh okay, so this song is about well...being middle class. Such as having designer jeans, a water bed, having a swimming pool, and basically having a mostly easy life. The song doesn’t stick much out to me on its own. The only reason I remember it is because it comes RIGHT AFTER Dog Police which is such a genuine jam. So the transition to that to this is just bizarre. I guess it is an okay song. But again, doesn’t stick out.

Track 3: In the Studio

This song is more instrumental focused and doesn’t really have much going for it lyrics wise. Well besides saying “In the Studio” here and there. The song does have a nice sound but I don’t have strong feelings for it.

Track 4: Hamburgers

I am genuinely baffled by this song. This weird dream-feel circus sounding song about ordering hamburgers. It is just bizarre. I can’t pin down how I feel about this song besides it purely exists.

Track 5: I’m Butch

Okay, so when I first listened to this song some years back I was trying to pick apart the tone of this. Like “Is this lesbophobic? Is this transphobic?” because the lyrics is about this butch woman being masculine. But one of the lyrics is “ Saving my money for my operation (operation!)” So...like the implication of a woman being so manly she must secretly desire to be a man?? Look, I don’t know. Even now I don’t fully know the intent behind the song. Like, I know it was made in the early 80s so it being not 100% positive* (*???) about queer people isn’t shocking. But I guess because it just...being there. Not overt nor subtle, just plopped in front of me I am just not sure how to really take the song. Though I will say it is my least favorite song on the album. If it wasn’t for that, I would still rank it low for the instrumentals not being great either.

Track 6: Positive Reinforcement

Uh, this is a track. I get it is meant to be a joke that the lyrics are sad while the title is ironic but it just kind of there. The instrumentals are there and the lyrics are sparse. I would not listen to it regularly but I don’t mind it.

Track 7:  Happy

A simple song but I do like the robotic voice they use and how they do the lyric formatting with trying to start a sentence but repeating the sentence each time while adding another word. As I stated, it is simple but it at least has something going for it.

Track 8: Music

A song about music. I have even less to say about this besides that uh...it sounds okay? Like it isn’t bad but it isn’t great either. I am noticing a lot of their songs on the album just don’t stick to me since afterwards I just forget a lot of these songs exist.

Track 9: 1-800

FINALLY, another good song on this album. Now yes I still prefer Dog Police BUT this song has something the other songs don’t really have which is a fun energy. The song is about ordering a bunch of shit you don’t need and how “great” it is. This song is actually better with music video because you see the lead singer having so much fun with all the objects he orders and the use of visuals with calling the 1-800 numbers. I really dig how they used the dial number noises for the song to make a fun rhythm. This song has weirdly aged well with how the 1-800 culture has evolved to online shopping with ads for items that claim you need when in actuality it is not worth getting.

Track 10: Reproduce

Okay, the instrumentals and rhythm in this song is energetic which I really like. Took like what? Past halfway through the album to get some more fun songs again after Dog Police? Anyway, this song is about sex. Asking what our purpose is and just going “Well to reproduce I guess”. But I think my absolute favorite part of the song is the ending where the last lyric is asking about “who are the dog police?” A nice little call back to the first song. Okay so we got two other great songs on here. Hopefully the next is pretty good as well

Track 11: Doggie Fashion

I get this feeling this song is in some way connected to the first song, Dog Police, or at the very least the world of Dog Police where there are weird humanoid anthro dog alien people living alongside humans. It is a fine song I guess. The instrumentals are soft but a bit groovy. It does stand out better than the other songs I considered okay but that is it.

Track 12: F & B Man

Okay, this is a fun little funky song. It is about this F & B Man who...I don’t fully know what he does actually. He works at a restaurant? Maybe unless that is a metaphor. I don’t know. But basing on these lines,

“He's cracking that whip night and day Makes no difference straight or gay Got those waiters on their toes”

I’ll let you guys decide what this song is about.

Track 13: Our Bomb

The last song of the album. It is about the nuclear bombs the US have and how our government is willing to use it on anyone no matter who they are. I guess would could take it as a critique of nuclear bombs which like I would hope it is a more dark humor critique of such. But that is the best I can take from it. I will say I really like the instrumentals of the song a lot and how it fits with the darker subject.

Listening to the whole album I have mixed emotions about it. On the one hand there are some really good songs on here such as Dog Police, Happy, 1-800, Reproduce, Doggie Fashion, F & B Man, and Our Bomb. But the rest of the songs are just okay to I don’t really get much out of. That and the rest of the good songs come near the end of the album which if one was listening to the whole album isn’t the most fun experience. I find it so weird that Dog Police, one of their best songs, is first and they didn’t just put the rest of the better songs after Dog Police and have the later half be their not so great songs. That are spread it out better. Do I recommend this album? Well the songs I said are good I do recommend but I am not sure if I can really say that I recommend buying the whole album. I mean, you can if you want to but if I knew at the time what most of the songs would be like, I would have just gotten the select songs I liked and leave the rest behind.

#Dog Police #Music #album review #reviews #music reviews #Pierce talks #text post #long post

[vonkarma2]

8, 10, 11 for the oc asks?

8. Is there a certain song or playlist of songs you have that make you think of an OC/your story for them?

Im gna post the Rocio playlist I made a while ago here it is <3

I have playlists for some of the other characters as well but they’re not really as good imo + they don’t have as many songs. I do like this one I think it captures the character pretty well both lyrically and sonically. my Spotify playlist magnum opus

10. Do any of your OCs contain any symbolism in themselves/their story?

Yes ok I’ll make a list of everything Ive like either actually used or thought abt in depth of so far. In no particular order:

Melanie: water/rain/drowning to represent like. Depression. Very original I know lol

Tiago: Birds to represent freedom (from other people from the past from your own mistakes just like in general)

Victor: water again but this time it’s like to represent whenever he’s in danger (it’s like as a callback to his backstory where he unfortunately very sadly tragically drowned and died. I mean he’s ok now)

Angel: color scheme switches from mostly yellow/gold to mostly green to represent like becoming more down to earth and living in the real world instead of like his own (incredibly self-aggrandizing and inaccurate) perception. Similarly he starts out wearing a lot of jewelry and then doesn’t so much as the story goes on. I should draw like his design at the beginning of the story vs his design at the end that would be fun

Rocio: The night sky + the open ocean. Not really supposed to directly represent or be a metaphor for anything other than like what they are which is like a vast mostly empty space that you lose it if you stare into it for too long. So I guess it’s not a symbol. it’s just that she is weirdly obsessed with like the feeling they evoke and so thinks abt them a lot. They’re incorporated into her outfit

Cirillo: Light vs darkness but usually like with regards to his relationship with other characters, like he’ll be inside with warm lighting talking to people whereas Rocio is waiting outside and it’s dark and she’s by herself, or like he’ll be holding a lantern so people can see, things like that

Aya: nature/plant life to contrast with the cyberpunk city they live in where there are like 0 living creatures except for humans aliens and like bugs sometimes. Very occasionally birds

This probably all sounds super pretentious 😭 but like it is in the story as well. It’s fine it’s ok 

11. Which character has been through the most design changes?

In terms of volume probably Rocio they’ve had 3 completely different and solidified designs whereas most other characters (Cirillo, Angel, Gloria, Jacinto, Laura, and from other stories Grace and Saida) have been through 1 previous iteration before the current design they have. Maybe Tane as well (not from the main story) because his age and like the nature of his character has changed a lot. Only problem is I only actually drew the current version and like the first idea I had lol so does that really count? I don’t think so I think he still has only 2. Yeah I don’t really do that many passes of designs on characters :P I usually just go beta design > refine it to the design I use forever into thr future. The maximum so far is 3. 

Wait actually it might be Remy bc ive had him for a while he might have had 4 iterations. Yes ok I think he did it was 80s aerobics themed beta design barely even recognizable > indie musician flannel shirt design w/blue skin > kinda cutesy idol type outfit w/purple skin > current vaguely scenecore mostly just whatever bright colors I could think of outfit with pink skin and sharp teeth. He was deyassified and then yassified again. Only consistent characteristic being elf ears and curly light colored hair 

#ty for sending these :)) I think they were good questions #my ocs

[duhragonball]

22?

22. Do you prefer the sub or the dub?

The dub.

Now, for a lot of years, that was my answer by default, because I hadn't seen enough of the subs to really have an opinion. I respected the Japanese voice actors from watching Movies 10-14 via fansubs, but I didn't really start watching the subs regularly until Dragon Ball Super began, and that was the only way to watch it.

I suppose it was that experience that convinced me to watch Dragon Ball and DBZ in the original Japanese, which I finally did during my 2019 liveblog. And it's nice to finally have that experience under my belt. There were a number of minor inconsistencies in the show that I thought were "dub-isms" but couldn't know for certain. And there were some things that I thought were "dub-isms" that actually weren't. Like, there's an episode or two in the dub where Vegeta refers to Goku as "Goku" instead of "Kakarot". It sounds like a mistake, and maybe it was, but there's an episode or two in the Japanese version where the same thing happens. The weird thing is that they're different episodes, so go figure.

And there's a lot to enjoy in the original Japanese version of the show. Certain scenes just seem to work better because they were produced with the Japanese cast in mind. There's some scenes in the dub where it feels like they really struggled to make something fit the lip flaps and it probably wasn't worth the trouble.

All that being said, the dub was one of the things that got me into anime in general. When I was a kid, my earliest exposure to Japanese television were shows like Voltron, Superbook, and reruns of Space Giants (aka Ambassador Magma). The dubs for these shows were awful, which only made the unfamiliar visuals harder to get into. By the 90s, I found out about other shows like Speed Racer and Sailor Moon, which somehow managed to sound even worse.

And to be fair, there's some camp appeal to bad dubs. I kind of enjoyed the shittiness of Speed Racer's English localization, but I remember watching a clip of it in the original Japanese a few years ago and being much more impressed. I was like "Wow, this show was actually a lot better than I realized." The animation was never that great, but competent voice acting went a long way towards making it work.

The mistake I had made in my youth was in thinking that the dubs were crappy because the scripts were crappy, and that it was the fault of the Japanese people who produced the shows in the first place. Like, they must have wanted Sailor Moon to sound like a dipshit valley girl, or why else would that have been the version that aired on the USA network in 1995? They must have written all those dopey "uhh's!" and "ehhhh's?" into Speed Racer, and the dub was compelled to include them in another language.

Watching Dragon Ball Z and Tenchi Muyo! on Toonami helped me get past that, because those shows had dubbed versions where the characters sounded like regular people. And yes, I'm including the Ocean Dub when I say that. For the first time, I was able to listen to the characters and not wonder what the fuck was their problem. Funny thing is, when the dialogue and acting are on point, it's a lot easier to relate to the characters, and suddenly the big eyes and silly hairdos aren't so offputting anymore.

I still remember watching that promotional spot for Movie 13, where Masako Nozawa is doing a voice over as Goku explaining the plot of the movie, and when she gets to the part about the world being in danger from Hirudegarn, she shrieks "I won't let anyone destroy the Earth!" It was a raw and awesome and metal as hell, and it sold me on her portrayal of Goku. But I probably never would have heard that delivery if I hadn't first gotten invested in the character while Sean Schemmel was giving the "Ally to good! Nightmare to you!" speech. So the dub is very special to me, and it probably always will be.

#dragon ball #ask duhragonball #funimation dub rulz fite me

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2001): The Darkest Hour

What’s that? A WAD that is a total conversion based on Star Wars?

Oh boy! OH BOY!!! I can’t wait to get bombarded with bitching over how much this WAD is somehow connected to the Last Jedi and how the movie ruined someone’s childhood in a 24-hours long video for the 9th time! :D

...

Okay, seriously though. What do we have to review this time?

#5: The Darkest Hour

Main author(s): Rex Claussen

Release date: August 6th (original release)/October 29th, 2001 (database)

Version(s) played: ???

Required port compatibility: ZDoom

Levels: 7 (Six normal ones and a secret one, hub-based)

So we have... another ZDoom-compatible WAD created by a member of TeamTNT? Didn’t I just do something like that days ago?

Don’t worry folks. There is a difference between the previous WAD and this one: The Darkest Hour is a total conversion as I mentioned earlier, likely based on Dark Forces from 1995. And this time, I don’t have to mess up in its guts to actually start it. And there are no game-breaking bugs too!

So with that out of the way, let’s take a look at The Darkest Hour: A Star Wars WAD.

Here is a little bit of a story for you: You are the leader of a mercenary group, Pain Elementals, (hurr durr) named Wrok Onmo. You took the contract from not-Jabba the Hutt to steal the plans of the Imperial Cybernetics Facility.

There is more to the story in the text file and the WAD itself during the cutscenes at the beginning of the levels (provided in the latter’s case that you open up the command console/pause the game to read the dialogue since the text should’ve stayed longer in my opinion).

What can be said about this WAD’s looks? This WAD basically looks like Star Wars. The locations are Star Wars. The characters are Star Wars. The music is Star Wars. The Weapons are Star Wars. The sound effects are Star Wars. Need to go further?

Also, the idea of Yoda’s laughter playing when you pick up a weapon is perfect!

There are of course problems though. The music, while being a good MIDIfied version of the classic soundtrack, tends to be annoyingly repetitive due to the tracks’ length being too short when compared to the average time spend on maps. Also, it would really help if all of the sound effects from weapons and enemies were changed since most of the original ones tend to break the immersion of you blasting aliens with space blasters. Also, the Stormtroopers that replace Shotgunners and Imps should be more distinguishable (the manlets are a priority)

The Darkest Hour, despite being mostly linear, is actually hub-based. You can go to any map you want from MAP02 if you unlock them first. As for the secret map, A Test of Mettle, it can be unlocked in the secret on Not-Mos Eisley Space Port with a little help of rocket-jumping. You will still have to go through MAP02 to get to the last two maps after finishing the fifth one.

Speaking of the last two maps, while the rest of the WAD can be played with Pistol-starting, these two depend on each other. Hell, one of the locations in one map is actually tagged as secret in another (although I don’t think it’s exactly the same one, they just look the same).

Also remember, that it will the best for you if you start running away to your ship after pressing the switch in this location as the third important one:

Trust me, it will help you a lot.

While most of the enemies act the same as their original Doom counterparts, two of them are different. The Not-Bobba Fett is basically Chaingunner on steroids, super fast, and all of this shit. And soon-to-be-Sith is a melee-type enemy that hits really hard.

Also, remember the text file that I mentioned earlier that tells the story? There is another one, explaining the mechanics, some additional stuff, and where the secrets are.

The last thing before we move on: I think that the platforming feels a little bit redundant.

Moving on, if someone would ask me how hard The Darkest Hour is, I would say that it can be challenging. There are moments here or there where it is hard (especially when you are low on ammo) but most of the time it can be pretty manageable, especially when you know where the secrets are. The battle with Mark III Dark Trooper in MAP05 can fuck itself though.

Thankfully compared with Doom Resurrection, this WAD is in a much more stable state and it can be legitimatelly finished. The only noticeable glitch I’ve found is with the pig aliens (Gamorreans for ST nerds) jittering the fuck out when they turn and you look at them at a different angle.

And that was The Darkest Hour: A Star Wars WAD. And it was... uhm... something.

I’m gonna be honest with you people. This WAD might be the biggest case of a mixed-bag I played in terms of the Doom WADs, ‘cause I don’t know if I ultimately like this WAD or dislike it. Sure, it does many things right (most notably the visuals and sound effects (or at least the ones that got replaced)) but there are also things that piss me off like unskippable cutscenes at the beginning of each map (except MAP06), some of the enemy encounters, how trying to jump into a crate is a chore, shitty platforming parts in low gravity sections in the first map, etc.

And, honestly, I’m starting to think that ZDoom-compatible WADs are the bane of my existence when it comes to me gathering pictures to remember where the secrets/important switches are, and the ones for review. And to think it was so much easier in the past to do this. You just had to summon and kill one Mancubus and/or Arachnotron in MAP07 if it was required. And that’s for non-secret maps. Now I have to deal with all of these ZDoom scripting shit making WADs much more complicated.

But I’m not gonna go further into this or else it will turn into too personal rant. Luckily, the next WAD is finally something to be really excited about. Because we are moving from the WAD that has you blasting off Imperial and Alien scum, to the WAD that might as well be made by an Alien.

Until then, see you all next time.

Bye.

#doom #Doom WAD #review #Doom 2 #doom mod #2001 #doom 2001 #star wars #the darkest hour #doom the darkest hour #Doom WADs’ Roulette

[theghostpinesmusic]

So, like my post about 12/29's "Oblivion," I'm going to start this write-up with a small gripe, which is that this take on "Life Saving Gun" is great, but is maybe the...fifth (?) most compelling improvisatory moment of this show for me. My favorite is probably the massive "Fuego" -> "Train Song" combo from earlier in the first set, but also the entire second set after a straightforward take on "The Well" is amazing: "Tweezer" -> "Twist" > "Piper" -> "Golden Age" -> "2001" > "Sigma Oasis" > "David Bowie."

I came into this show expecting it to be a letdown compared to the previous two nights based on online reviews but that, as usual, turned out to be a mistake. At this point, it's basically de rigeur for any Phish show without at least one 20+ minute jam in the second set to get voted down by "fans," but the fact is there are a lot of ways to improvise, and often length matters less than how you use it. For my money, this second set never lets up, is consistently creative and imaginative, and, among other things, has the most interesting "Bowie" since the early 2000s (though that's sort of damning with faint praise).

But none of that matters because Phish uploaded video for "Life Saving Gun," SO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT "LIFE SAVING GUN" NOW.

This song comes originally from Page and Trey's probably-underappreciated-by-me-thus-far 2023 album "January," and thus, like "Oblivion," it's a "new" Phish song. The version on the album is a weird, synth-heavy experiment, and I dig it, but this more Phish-y arrangement is a great addition to the band's repertoire and engages in a trope the band has indulged their entire careers: writing new Beatles songs the Beatles never got around to writing themselves.

I don't mean that in a derogatory way by any means: the Beatles are great, and they have obviously been a huge influence on all the members of Phish (to the point of their famously covering The White Album in its entirety in 1994). I just hear that influence really strongly on this song, and feel compelled to mention it because it's fun. Your mileage may vary.

I'm partial to the song in part, too, I think, because it...actually sort of rocks? Like, inasmuch as a bunch of sixty-year-olds can rock compared to Trey ripping through a "Chalkdust" solo thirty years ago at least. It heartens me that not only are these guys still producing tons of new material, but also putting out songs like this and "I Never Needed You Like This Before" that are legitimately great rock songs.

This particular great rock song is pretty short, but ends with a rare moment of Fishman going apeshit on the drums at 2:35, which leads right into the jam proper kicking off at 2:48. The band rides the groove of the song for a bit at first, with Trey taking a solo (and reprising the song's vocal melody a few times in a neat way). Page's super chorus-y organ chords deserve a mention here, too, as they add a 70s-type vibe to the proceedings in a cool way.

At 4:08 everyone in the band does that thing they do where they read each other's minds (?) and collectively turn on a dime, this time into a funkier space. I appreciate how the feel of the jam changes here without losing any of its momentum. Page's synth contributions here are just wonderful. For the next few minutes, these guys are just all doing the things they do really well and while it's not something as weird or as unique as, say, parts of 12/29's "Oblivion" jam, there's something equally satisfying about them just ripping through this groove. The lights are great here, too.

Starting at 6:07, Trey holds/loops a note(ish) for about thirty seconds. It used to kind of bother me when he would do this (he does it fairly frequently) because it felt like he was "dropping out" or "being lazy," but lately it's occurred to me (maybe as I've gotten better at guitar myself) that he's doing it to drop back into the mix and add texture so others can step up, and I feel like that's what happens here. By the time he comes back in, Page is leading the way on the clavinet and Mike's gotten his drill out (yes, he's playing his bass with a drill here).

The band returns to the groove after this brief break, but Trey starts to take a more authoritative approach to soloing, and Fishman starts accentuating his playing with cymbal crashes at 7:35 or so.

I'll be honest here: as much as I love this groove they've locked onto, by now it's been about four straight minutes of it and I'm more than good, and maybe getting a little bored. But then Trey, as if reading my mind, plays this wild ascending scale starting at 8:15 that, in peaking, seems to teleport him back to the 90s briefly and he commences to freak out. I love that you can hear the crowd roar on the video right here. I've never seen a show at MSG, but I've got to imagine a sold-out crowd losing it at a jam peak is probably a pretty great experience to be a part of.

Fortunately, we aren't even close to done with the fireworks yet.

The intensity keeps building over the next minute, with Fishman and the lights both peaking around 9:30. I should say that I haven't experienced their newest light rig in person yet, but it's wild enough seeing things like whatever's going on at 9:50 over the internet. God help everyone in that building who was tripping balls when this happened.

Right around here is where Trey starts building a bunch of guitar loops on top of each other (and there's a crowd shot with a guy wearing a Book It! shirt!) and we enter the stage of the jam where Phish Fries Our Adrenal Glands.

The solo Trey starts playing at 10:18 could have come straight from a CD-R of some 90s-era show that I wore out playing in my car while driving around the Appalachians in 2002. Needless to say, I'm a fan.

Things start to really take off at 11:15, and the lights...well, presumably if were at the show in person and on drugs, you are now dead. Rest in peace.

Trey starts adding loops on top of loops at 12:00 as if things aren't already intense enough, and at 12:40 we finally reach the top of the mountain. From there, it's a short wind-down to the end of the jam and the tune. Whew!

I've got one more post to make from this run, but it's going to be an unfocused rave about how good the 12/31 show was rather than a detailed breakdown of a particular jam.

After that...I haven't actually watched anything else lately (been writing a bunch for work), so I'm not sure? Orebolo is livestreaming next weekend, but they don't really lend themselves to long-form jam posts. In all likelihood, next I'll either be diving into a) old Goose shows that I attended in person and want to revisit, or b) another Phish run from this past year, possibly the spring tour.

Either way, I'll be back sooner rather than later! Thanks for reading!

#phish #music #live music #videos #tour journal #jams #jam bands #trey anastasio #Youtube #writing

[swallowtail-ageha]

Do you have favorite anime shows?

Yes! I used to be super into anime a few years ago, but now my interest and attention span has kinda dwindled so i'm not exactly up to date to the new hot animes (i do plan however on starting both Frieren and Dungeon Meshi)

If i have to make a list of my favourite animes, those would be (putting them not in a [most favourite-least favourite] order)

1- Shingeki no Kyojin. Hooly shit i think it was the first anime i seriously watched. The SnK manga was also the first one i ever purchased at like ~11. I just have so many good memories related to that manga

2- DOROHEDORO. God i. I think that animanga was tailor-made for me. It is extremely gorey, but also in a non edgy way. The tone is very lighthearted and the entirety of it's cast has it's spotlight. Also the character design is top notch and the ost makes me go insane

3- Tokyo Ghoul! Another childhood classic of mine (but that's more the manga than the anime) again i have so many memories about it including me doing my ghoul sona again at age 11/12. Good times

4- Pluto! I have never ever watched Astroboy in my entire life BUT i was also a huge fan of Urasawa's 20th Century Boys and Billy Bat so i decided to read it and when the anime adaptation came out i was "oh. They couldn't make it more perfect". Seriously tho, the animation, the story, the characters, the critique of the gulf war (since it was first released in the middle of it)... it couldn't be more perfect. Also Atom looks like my cousin so he's my special little boy

5- Shinsekai Yori. This is a weird one. I don't think that like. I'd actually recomend it to someone else. It's extremely slow paced and the whole subject matter is heavy. It's a dystopian novel-turned anime and i think that the pacing does get affected negatively by this. But if you're in for an heavy watch. Watch it. Please. The finale is one of the most poignant finales i've ever seen in an anime and i still think about it years later

5- Akira! While again this is one of those adaptations where the story had to be cut due to the rest of the manga still not being written, it holds up extremely well. Also the animation is gorgeous and last year i traveled to Rome to watch it at the Space Cinema for it's 35th anniversary and it was a spiritual experience. I do not think i ever looked away from the screen, even if for a split second

6- Vinland Saga! I don't have much to say about it especially to avoid spoilers since the anime is not over yet, but god. Thorfinn. I thought people were exaggerating when talking about his character development but he is genuinely wonderfully written. Also i loved the way season two ended with the poem being played while showing the characters of both the past and the present (and i don't remember if it was there in the manga? I think it was? But also the anime version is more cinematic for well. Obvious reasons)

7- Re:Zero! One of those things that i definitely shouldn't have watched as a preteen lmao. I am not a coneisseur of isekais, so i can't really fully appreciate the subversion aspect of it, but i love Subaru's character and the witch lore intrigues me so much, so if i ever get my hands of the novels i'll read them

8- Higurashi I do know that the anime compared to the novels absolutely sucks (iirc they cut a lot of content?) but i think it upholds very well on it's own (not like the umineko anime lmao). Also i had watched it when i was going through a very hard period of my life, so it's extremely dear to me

And that's it for now! Probably if you'd asked me this a few years back i would have replied with more shounens a la jjk and bnha, which i do still like (jjk way more than bnha) and for whom i had a hyperfixation on it, but again my tastes have immensely shifted and i think that overall these animes have made way more impact on me. Other two animes i really enjoy are FMA and HXH, but again while i recognize that FMA is a wonderful story and i do rank it quite highly it doesn't quite scratch my itch, and i constantly switch forth between loving and hating HXH (mainly due to the fandom's obnoxiousness in treating it like a piece of russian literature)

Have a nice day anon!!!

#also if we also have to talk about mangas i'd say berserk- obvs #then goodbye eri solanin and planetes #AND ALSO OYASUMI PUNPUN #<-manga that i definitely shouldn't have read when i was a depressed 15/16 yo #anon

[garaksapprentice]

New Year, (some) new Goals

This post was originally published on my blog here.

An Unnecessarily In-Depth Explanation of How I Set Yearly Goals

It's a new year, which means that for me, it's time for a new set of annual goals. (These are NOT resolutions. Resolutions are fuzzy and vague, usually cliché things like "lose weight" or "be happier" or "achieve world peace". Goals are things that you can actually aim at, and with enough practice, hit.)

I started formally setting and tracking yearly targets a few years ago, and while I won't call it the cure to all that ails me, it's certainly been a helpful practice. And hey, 'tis the season for everyone's "how I set goals" posts, so who am I to rock the boat?

The TL;DR

I usually start this process sometime in December, whenever the urge to wrap up the current year and look towards the new one starts to itch me. (Incidentally, this is almost the exact same process I use when doing monthly goals, just with less introspection/review.)

It goes something like this:

Review the areas of my life and how things went over the last year.

Review last year's goals - what I hit, what I didn't, what needed changing part way through the year when it became apparent I'd picked an over-ambitious target/something I didn't actually care about, that kind of thing.

Do a brain dump of all the things I want to do next year. Delegate them by life area.

Refine the brain dump over a few days, until I have a reasonable number of targets to aim for over the coming year.

Break those targets down into the things I'll need to do to actually reach the goal I'm aiming for.

Review Last Year

I'll be honest, sometimes I do this after I've worked out the shiny new goals for next year. But I always try to do some form of yearly review, even if it's just a short, half-assed version of the "ideal".

I currently use a (heavily simplified) version of the practice laid out in Alex Vermeer's 8,760 Hours Guide for this step. Finding Alex's guide to use as a springboard was extremely helpful for me. I'd tried doing yearly reviews before, but they never really "stuck" or felt like they were worth the time. For whatever reason, 8,760 Hours was the guide that worked for me.

That being said, I've modified the review framework (usually by removing things) every year I've used it. Alex's guide is super in-depth - he takes a full week to do his review, and he goes hard. While I like to think I'm that kind of person, I'm really not. Some of the review questions and Life Areas Alex uses aren't applicable to me, so I removed or combined things where it made sense. While I love complexity (the PKM scene is like pseudo-academic catnip to my dopamine receptors), at the end of the day I need simplicity - something that both On The Ball Me and Off With The Fairies Me can do.

In the (checks notes) four years I've been using his guide as a framework, I've reduced Alex's twelve life areas down to eight. I've also removed, modified, and combined a LOT of the questions in each Deep Dive. (I removed two more while I was doing this year's review, in fact.) My ultimate goal is to get it down to where I can complete the entire review in about a day, while still feeling like I got my money's worth from the time spent navel-gazing instead of eating gingerbread and knitting.

Brain Dump

Reviewing one's past actions is great and helpful and definitely a path to world peace or Ultimate Effectiveness or whatever, but for me, the brain dump is where the rubber hits the road. I always start my longer-term planning with a list of things I want to do, whether it's for the year or the month. It's essentially a real-life version of "What could happen next?", the question I ask myself whenever I'm running out of plot in my fiction work.

This question is designed to be a free-for-all. I don't let little things like the space-time continuum get in the way at first - it's just one big bullet list of things I've been dying to get to, things that have been bugging me that I want to fix, and usually a few things I feel obliged to add (because I know they're important, but I'm not really enthused about them). Most of the time I've got the first list version finished in ten to fifteen minutes.

(Sometimes there's one specific pile of stuff that's bugging me, making it hard to focus on grander things. (Usually it's the fact that the WIP pile has blown out again, or the house has reached an ill-defined but completely unacceptable level of disrepute. This year it was both.) When that happens, I brain dump all that first, in a separate list. That usually shuts up the brain weasels, and frees up enough mental RAM to get the bigger picture/longer term stuff down.)

Refine the Brain Dump

Once I've got everything down, I keep the list open on my computer and let it percolate for a few days. This lets my subconscious chew on it while I add, remove, and change things. This year's brain dump list ended up with 22 items. That's a typical number for me (the most I've had is 25, the least is 19.) Some are pretty modest, but most are things that will take a fair chunk of the year and my dedication to accomplish (as befits yearly goals).

I also work out which buckets/life areas things fit into - there's usually clear distinctions for most goals (writing, fibre arts, health and fitness etc). If there's lots of goals in one or two areas, and only a couple in others, then that's a pretty good clue about what my next year is going to focus on.

Next comes the hard part - triage.

The first triage step is trying to narrow my "I definitely want to do this thing" choices down as much as possible. This is hard. Everything on the big list is shiny and new and feels so important and urgent right now. That's why I keep the list open after I've made it - looking at it frequently, but not necessarily actively engaging with it, helps my subconscious start to pick favourites. Even so, I'm doing well if I've narrowed the list by half after the first pass.

The second triage step is working out how many of my goals are process-oriented, and how many are product-focused. Process goals involve doing a thing on a regular basis, or for a certain amount of time, every {time period}. Weave for 2.5 hours a week, go hiking twice a month, that sort of thing. They're heavily focused on small, consistent efforts over time, and they're intended to last the entire year.

Product goals require me to do/make a thing, or achieve a benchmark. They're things like "sew X new items for my wardrobe", "finish revising novel Y", "compete in/attend X event". Once that thing or benchmark has been reached, that goal is finished and I don't have to worry about it any more. While I still have to put in time and effort to get to the finish line, it can be much more focused than with a process goal - if I want, I can spend three straight days sewing a shirt, and then not think about my wardrobe goal for six months.

It's both very important and extremely tricky to get the balance of Process to Product right. Human brains LOVE habitual activity and consistency, but they can only deal with so much of it being piled into them at once. (This goes doubly if you're neurodivergent.) I've learned to tilt the balance pretty heavily towards Product when I'm writing my final list.

I try to only have one new process-oriented goal to focus on, at most. Any more than that, and I'm less likely to hit what I was aiming for. (Many of my process goals carry over in some form from year to year. For instance, I always have a word count goal, and some form of fibre-related goal.)

An example: last year, three of my goals were writing related - establish a consistent writing routine, publish at least one blog post a month, and finish revising a novel. The first two were process goals, the last one product-focused.

While I made good progress on all of them, and was happy to declare success based on the spirit of the exercise, I didn't hit any going by the letter of it. Sure, I published 14 blog posts last year - two more than the target! - but there were three months when I posted zero. And while I made my yearly word count target, my consistency was, uh, not great.

Break down the targets you're aiming for

Which brings me to my next tactic. When possible, have more than one way to measure a goal's success.

This is especially important for process goals, which by their nature are easier to 'fail' week to week. Having multiple success conditions gives you greater leeway for when Life Happens At You. Nothing is more demoralising than something happening early in the year, that throws you off your so-far perfect streak, with no way to fix it.

How does this work in practice? I take the weekly or monthly goal that I'm aiming for, multiply that number out to a year, and use that as my secondary aiming point. So "weave 2.5 hours per week" becomes both "weave for at least 130 hours over the year" and "weave 10 hours and 50 minutes every month". If (when) I don't hit 2.5 hours one week, it isn't as big a deal - I can look at how many minutes I was short, and roll that into the weeks left in the current month.

This approach saved my bacon several times last year. I had a couple of big, multi-day conferences and camps that sucked a lot of time and brainpower out of my usual schedule. If I'd just been measuring weekly adherence, I would have "failed" in April and May when I simply didn't have the energy to do that much weaving on top of all the conference prep. But because I was measuring monthly as well as yearly, I simply rolled the two weeks I took off into the weeks before and after the events, and still hit my monthly weaving target.

It can help to think about what the actual point of the goal you're making is, too. For me, the ultimate goal of "establish a consistent writing routine" isn't to have a consistent routine - it's to write more words. I really had no idea what that looked like in January last year. So I decided that "consistent" writing was 30 minutes a day, three days a week. AND I set a year-long word count target of 75,000 words. (I beat the 75k goal by 48 words, but my consistency still sucks.)

Same with blogging. The point behind "publish a blog post a month" is partly to have a consistent output, but it's also to write more words. So as well as the one-a-month goal, I also set a year target of 12 posts, total. Did I post to the blog every single month? Nope. Did I post twelve or more times in the year? Yep! Was that more than I would have posted without having a goal to aim for? Absolutely!

Last, but definitely not least, is to update your approach as the year progresses. Whatever I pick as my 'yearly goals' right now don't have to be the things I work on all year. Life gets in the way, my needs change, I have more or less (usually less) time and energy available than I thought I would.

So I give my "final" goal list (and attached success metrics) a going-over in March to see how it's shaping up. Depending on the year, I'll give it another interrogation in June or July, and adjust or drop goals as needed. Remember, your goals serve YOU, not the other way around.

Last year I started January with nine goals - I had three life areas, and three goals in each area. It turns out that's too many for me to focus on over a year. In March, I dropped one of those goals, and by May, I'd dropped a second. (Both of the dropped items were process goals - things I wanted to do every day or week. They were also, not coincidentally, things I'd added out of a sense of obligation more than actual excitement.)

The Final List

No talk of goal setting would be complete if I didn't share my final list. (I'm also doing the Habitica's New Year's Resolutions set of Challenges again this year, and the first one involves sharing your goals on social media.)

Buy a house

Publish at least one blog post a month/12 blog posts in the year

Maintain daily streak on 4TheWords/write 75k new fiction and 15k non-fiction

Maintain a 5:1 spinning:weaving ratio (ie spend 5 hours spinning for every 1 hour of weaving)

Get - and then keep - the WIP pile below 10

Make at least three new items for my wardrobe (socks don't count)

Attend HEMA training at least four times a month during terms

Take the younger kid (and thus me) roller skating at least 6 times

If we're lucky (or unlucky if you dislike this sort of talk) I'll do a check-in around mid-year to see how I've been doing. If we're less lucky, I'll do a year-end wrap-up thingummy to close out the year.

Either way, hopefully this extremely long and somewhat rambling break-down of my goal-setting is useful to y'all.

#writing #habiticaresolutions #I also keep a “side quests” list of all the goals that didn't make the final cut #Because inevitably I end up finding one or more of them *so* much more attractive than one or more of the “official” goals #and then I can swap them out when it gets to March and I've done 80% of a side quest and less than 5% of a main goal

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Petty Fandom Rant :3

So I've been watching youtube for a lengthy period of time now, and I love general nerd and geek stuff. I love fandom stuff as well, and I like seeing content made with all of that stuff in mind, from people that also love the same mediums.

This is mostly a stupid rant but it's something that irks me about people in fandoms in general. So most of you have heard of Death Battle. Recently they did a 3rd installment to the Goku v Superman. Which originated about 10 years ago.

In the first video Goku had the ability to go Super Saiyan 3. In the second one I believe that Super Saiyan God came out. And as of now, We have Super Saiyan Blue, and Ultra Instinct (Not a skill unique to Saiyans but among the Z fighters unique to Goku).

One of my biggest gripes with this whole thing was that it capitalized on two very large fandoms and pitted them against one another. Which for Superman fans and Dragon Ball Z fans was not uncommon at the time, but this kind of made it worse. The original video also spawned 100's if not 1000's of videos talking about how it was bias.

Funny enough the guys from Death Battle came out and said that YES they were bias for Superman as they were both fans of his. Which is perfectly fine. But that could have been stated towards the beginning of the video. However, the videos went as such.

The first one actually nerfed Goku due to an error in the math used to calculate Goku's power. It also did something else that annoyed the shit out of me.

Goku has ONE canon. Superman has dozens of them. If we were going to do a fair fight of Goku v Superman, several things would have to be at play.

Both would have to believe that they had to finish off the other, and there was no other choice.

Both would have to be at peak fighting shape.

They would have to be fighting in an arena that gave neither an disproportionate advantage. Examples -Superman's more or less "ability" to be immortal because of sh*t writing and angry fans not willing to see him die *insert healing coma here* -The Sun being able to literally keep superman healing indefinitely -The Sun being able to keep Superman FIGHTING indefinitely As such the only solution would be an arena with no sunlight. Either the Time Chamber, or the similar space created by Whis' Staff in Dragon Ball Super.

Superman would have to be limited to 1 canon for each fight.

Basically that leads me to the biggest issue I had with the Original and subsequent fight (Part two). When they did the Death Battle, the combined all of the post crisis powers of Superman together into one version of him. And while it was not an exact replica of Pre Crisis Superman, it very much was comparable. Save the example of "The power to create any power on the fly".

I never liked that they pretty much weaponized 2 VERY prominent fandoms against one another. If I'm going to be frank about this. However, I think it would have been fun to actually take Goku v Superman, and turn it into a mini series, where they compared the varying canon's to one another. So maybe Goku *as is current in canon*, and Superman from the original TV show. Vs the Superman from the original cartoon. Vs the New 52's Superman. So on and so forth.

Me personally. I liked Superman growing up, but over time I started to find him very boring because it felt like he never had an obstacles. Any time he faced any "issue" you knew he would not die and he would not lose. And it wasn't because, "He's the main character". It was because he was just TOO powerful. And even though there are stakes in DC, often times when it involves Superman, they are mitigated to next to nothing. Because Superman can just fly into the sun. Wait 5 min, then come back and decimate the enemy.

Honestly it feels like lazy writing.

However more to my point. I think had they done 1 on 1 between Goku and varying versions of Superman, both fandoms would have been more tame about how they felt. What it ended up feeling like however was a one sided sh*t show with DBZ fans on the receiving end. And the second video was EVEN WORSE. Given that it has Superman Prime in it, on top of every power of every other Superman Post Crisis, and had it more or less be a no contest against A Saiyan God. It felt really heavy handed. And much like a middle finger.

As for the 3rd video? I refuse to actually watch it. Because I know that it is using Ultra Instinct Goku and probably like before, EVERY SINGLE GOOD trait of Superman. Which not even Saitama from One Punch could beat. And Saitama is a parody character that is more or less indestructible. And Superman would find a way. Because yeah. EVERY SINGLE perfected power and ability post crisis.

It's honestly just stupid.

ANYWAYS, this has been my stupid rant about fandom.

#anime #fandom #dbz #superman

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

#Obey me #Obey me! #Obey me Headcanons #obey me! headcanons #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Simeon #Obey me Leviathan #obey me beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #Obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me MC #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

[owletstarlet]

the grand deeds of great men, the smallest of gestures

"My hero."

An (extremely late) request of sorts from @taizi for some solid nishi content, involving Tanuma putting those childhood karate lessons to good use. Established tanunatsu.

Ao3 link in the notes. 

“Your boyfriend,” Satoru announces without preamble, dragging Tanuma by their joined hands through the hotel room door, “is a badass.”

Natsume looks up sharply from where he and Atsushi are huddled over a pile of rumpled travel pamphlets on the bed. But it’s Taki who’s on her feet first, closing the distance to the door with a pinched look and taking the shopping bag out of Tanuma’s hand.

Satoru’s grinning. Tanuma is very much not.

But they’re both shaking.

Satoru doesn’t let go of Tanuma’s hand until Natsume’s there to take it. Atsushi’s there to grab Satoru by the shoulders, and the five of them shuffle back as one towards the beds.

Natsume doesn’t press for the explanation until they’re all seated, he and Taki pressed up against either side of Tanuma, their knees bumping up against Atsushi’s and Satoru’s in the narrow space between the two beds. The muttered question is probably more directed at Satoru than at Tanuma, because Tanuma’s gray-faced in the lamplight, gaze a little too wide, breaths coming a little too fast. Both Natsume’s hands are wrapped around Tanuma’s slack one, and on his other side Taki’s hands are gentle where they rub his back, but her keen eyes keep darting over to Satoru, expression tight with all the same concern. Satoru, for his part, is practically vibrating where he sits tucked against Atsushi’s side, from nerves or exhilaration or both, Atsushi can’t quite tell.

“He flipped a guy!” Satoru declares, with a wide one-handed swoop of a gesture at Tanuma, sounding positively giddy about it.

Well. Whatever Atsushi was expecting to hear, it wasn’t that.

“What,” Natsume says, blankly, at the same time that Taki says, “…wait.”

And then they’re all looking at Tanuma. Who very much looks like he’d rather not be looked at.

“It was the actual best thing I have ever seen,” Satoru says, nudging Tanuma’s knee with his own, and there’s something fierce and warm in his eyes. “And he thinks he’s gonna go to jail or something for it, which he’s not, because the guy deserved it, so that would be dumb.”

“What happened?” Atsushi blurts, now well and truly alarmed.

And he tells them.

They’re in Osaka for a long weekend, because Natori had invited them all along for some premiere of a new period piece that Satoru had been gushing about for months. Natsume’s not exactly ecstatic about attending the event itself, but he’s clearly happy that Satoru’s happy—Atsushi gathers that that’s whole point of this—and even if Natori himself is all booked up with press events for the majority of the weekend, it’s a chance for them all to explore the unfamiliar city together.

Not thirty minutes ago, Satoru and Tanuma had volunteered to make a combini run for snacks, only about two blocks from the hotel. But once they’d finished and were through the door, bags in hand, Tanuma had realized he’d forgotten to get the ice cream Taki had asked for. He’d gone back in to get it, while Satoru stayed out front to sip at the cocoa he’d bought. They hadn’t really paid any mind to the group milling about out front. Salarymen, by the looks of them, three or four younger guys in tidy suits with raucous voices and beers in hand. Satoru had been making his way to the bench near the entrance to wait, not quite looking where he was going, and he’d bumped into one of them, causing some of his beer to slosh over the lip of the can and onto the guy’s blazer sleeve. From his place in line Tanuma had heard it, the sharp “Oy!” and the rumbles of displeasure from man’s friends. Tanuma’s not sure what became of the ice cream he’d been holding—maybe he dropped it, maybe he shoved it into the hands of the customer beside him—but the next thing he knew he was out the door, wedging himself firmly between Satoru and the man who now had him by the arm.

“And then he just…bam!” Satoru mimes the motion, as though he’s grabbing something heavy with both hands from behind, and twisting it downwards in front of him. “Like. Grabbed him. And just. Flipped him! Guy went down beer and all, and he looked super confused about being on the ground all of a sudden. And it was amazing, and I had no idea he took karate before.”

And with that, three sets of startled eyes all land squarely on Tanuma. Natsume taps his knee, like he’s trying to break him away from whatever’s got its grip on him behind his own glassy gaze.

“Karate?” Taki looks, at first, gobsmacked by this piece of information. But it morphs into something like slow-breaking delight across her features.

Tanuma’s nod is a single, tight bob of the head. “Just, um.” It’s the first time he’s spoken since walking through the door, and his voice is a ghost of a thing, like it might get swallowed up by the stale air of the room. “Until I was twelve. On and off. I don’t remember much.”

“You remembered plenty,” Satoru tells him, tone banking no argument, before clasping his hands together dramatically. “My hero.” His grin is so wide and irresistibly cheesy that Tanuma looks up, just for a moment, with the barest twitch of his lips before his gaze drops back down towards the stretch of flowery pink carpet beneath their toes. Natsume shoots Satoru a grateful look, even as Atsushi finds himself doing the same to Tanuma. Somewhere, during the course of the story, he’d found himself squashed up impossibly close against Satoru, arm tucked firmly around his shoulders. He seems genuinely excited, not distressed, but against Atsushi’s side he still feels wound up tight as a coiled spring. It’s definitely not lost on Natsume, either, judging by the glance he gives Atsushi. Atsushi nudges Natsume’s foot—he’s okay, I got him—and Natsume nods, once, though his gaze lingers a moment longer on Satoru’s flushed, still-beaming face.

“So you’re afraid someone saw?” Atsushi asks, while Taki fishes out a tea bottle from the shopping bag, uncaps it and presses it into Tanuma’s hand.

Tanuma doesn’t answer, but that touch of a grin from before has twisted itself into something distinctly nauseated.

“If anyone did see, they’d know the dude was fine.” Satoru shrugs. “Also that he deserved it, remember. We ran, anyways.”

Natsume blinks. “You ran here?”

And Atsushi can’t help but see the comedy in that being what Natsume seizes on, considering the truly impressive amount of times Atsushi’s seen him tearing through town apropos of nothing like he’s got a swarm of invisible hornets on his tail.

“Yup,” Satoru says, brightly, tapping Tanuma’s knee. “Felt like an action movie.” A pause, before he tacks on, not unkindly, “Y’know, if you’re not gonna drink that tea, then I will.”

Tanuma blinks down at the tea bottle, which had tilted enough in his hand to nearly spill onto the scratchy comforter as though forgotten about. He manages a couple measured sips before letting Taki take it back and cap it.

Natsume squeezes Tanuma’s fingers in his own, looking unsettled. Taki looks thoughtful, idly tapping the bottle in her hands.

“Were you thinking they had a security camera out front or something?” she asks.

Tanuma says nothing.

Taki leans into his side. “You know, even if anyone watched the footage, it’s like Nishimura said. All they’d see is that man getting exactly what was coming to him,” she says, fervently.

“And you being cool as hell,” Satoru adds. “Seriously, they teach twelve-year-olds how to do that?”

The way his shoulders loosen, just a fraction, feels like a win. “I don’t…actually know?” he starts, squinting like he’s trying to recall. “I was in this class for high-schoolers at the time, because there were nothing else available in the town I lived in.” A shrug, a sheepish glance up and away. “Usually I was just partnered up with my teacher.”

“That actually sounds kind of brutal, though,” Atsushi says, curious now. “Did the teacher demonstrate take-downs and stuff on you?”

“She did, but. Really slowly,” Tanuma replies, and it’s as though the warmth of Natsume’s and Taki’s shoulders pressed up against his has started, though incrementally, to seep into his voice, his eyes. “And I never really got the hang of doing any of it back to her. I’m surprised that worked, earlier.”

Precisely none of this explanation seems to have made Satoru look any less starstruck. Atsushi has to hold back his snort. “You should totally pick it up again,” Satoru’s saying now, around a mouth full of the lemon ice pop Natsume had fished out of the shopping bag for him. “What color belt did you get up to?”

“Um.”

Just that half-second’s hesitation is long enough to put a loaded look into Natsume’s eyes, for him to slot their fingers together properly and squeeze.

Tanuma lets out a breath, and there’s something years-old and lonely clinging to the edges of his smile. Atsushi doubts he’s aware of it. “None.” He shrugs. “I didn’t pass the one exam I took. I got pneumonia that year and had to quit after that, so.”

He looks faintly embarrassed, now, and Satoru opens his mouth as though ready to nip that right in the bud, but Taki beats him to it.

“Tanuma,” she says, solemnly, turning around to face him. “You have got to teach me how you did that.”

***

By the time the polite-yet-firm call arrives from the front desk, indicating a noise complaint from their neighbors in the next room and forcing them all to call it a night, things are better.

By then, Tanuma had been goaded into demonstrating some unwieldy modified version the maneuver behind his earlier takedown, executed on a poor unsuspecting hotel pillow because the entire room had immediately nixed Satoru’s offer to be the human test dummy.

Now, Satoru and Taki are a boneless, lightly snoring tangle of limbs on the far bed, one of Satoru’s arms thrown over Natsume’s whale shark plushie. (A surprise gift from all of them, Taki’s idea, after they’d caught him eyeing it more than once in the aquarium gift shop yesterday. If he’d walked out of the aquarium clutching it to his chest just like he might’ve done with his fat cat, currently hundreds of kilometers away, none of them said a word about it.)

Natsume himself is dozing in the other bed, but he lies facing Satoru—and Satoru’s fine, he’s unharmed and happy and completely safe, he is. But for some reason the longer the night’s worn on, Atsushi’s had to remind himself of these facts more, not less. He knows the dark cast to Satoru’s slack wrist is the lamplight-shadow of his sweatshirt sleeve, knows because he checked.

Still.

Tanuma’s in the bath, now. And he seems, well. Better than he was, certainly. But Atsushi had seen the taut-lipped glances he’d stolen at Satoru, and he looks about the same way Atsushi feels. At least the unwelcome scenarios and possibilities unspooling in his own mind have got to be more vague than whatever Tanuma’s imagination was serving up. Tanuma had seen it. Had stopped it.

Let Satoru wave it off, insist ‘til he’s blue in the face that it was fine, all fine, that he hadn’t been in any real danger. If it would put his friends at ease, he’d have said the same with a smile on his face even if he’d just been robbed at knifepoint.

Atsushi really needs to stop thinking about this.

He’d heard Natsume earlier, voice whisper-gentle through the bathroom door after he’d led Tanuma in by the hand behind him. Satoru and Taki had drifted off by then. Atsushi couldn’t make out the words, and heard nothing at all from Tanuma, aside from a few isolated, stuttering breaths. Tanuma had re-emerged dazed, red-eyed, but calmer than Atsushi had seen him all evening.

When the door opens now, Tanuma steps out in a halo of steam, wet-haired and barefoot in an old t-shirt. Atsushi’s on his feet and halfway across the room before he’s even really aware of it, the change of clothes for his own bath forgotten at the foot of the bed.

Tanuma goes still, when Atsushi pulls him close. Atsushi almost lets go, but then he feels the tentative hands come up to rest on his back.

“Thank you,” Atsushi mutters into his shoulder.

“I—“

“No. Listen.” Atsushi pulls back, hands shifting to rest on his upper arms. And god but Tanuma looks exhausted. “You kept him safe,” Atsushi says. “And don’t try to tell me you didn’t, because you did. Thank you.”

Tanuma opens his mouth, closes it again, swallows. He says nothing for a long moment, but he doesn’t look away. Finally, “…sorry for freaking out.” He smiles as he says it, but his voice snags on the words. He swallows again.

“Hey.” Atsushi waits until Tanuma’s now-dropped gaze returns to him. “You don’t ever have to be sorry for that, okay? Not with us.”

A sound like an inhale, somehow sharp and shaky all at once, and then it’s Tanuma that’s pulling them together again. A steadying breath, in-out-in that ruffles Atsushi’s hair. Stillness.

“Okay,” he whispers.

***

If he does go to jail, it's Natori who'll have to bail him out :)

Sensei didn't come along because I like to think Hiiragi, Sasago and Urihime have been taking turns watching over Natsume, which is more than sufficient, except for when it's *not* Natsume himself who's getting into trouble--

Fun fact, according to the most current iteration of canon, Tanuma's taken judo in the past as well as karate, but the bulk of this was written before that chapter came out.

All credit to taizi for the nice hug idea--

#natsume yuujinchou #kitamoto atsushi #nishimura satoru #tanuma kaname #tanunatsu #kitanishi #if you squint #natsume takashi #taki tooru #natsume's book of friends #taizi #owlet's fanfiction #natsuyuu