#I can’t believe how long it’s been | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

huggybug · 1 year

Note

Hey!! I know your not taking requests right now but I had a great idea for an imagine with Nolan Moyle and your writing is amazing so I thought you would do a great job when your ready! Imagine being blanks sister and it’s your first year at umich (either your first year or you transferred over) and blanks tells Nolan to watch out for you, the two of you end up getting closer and eventually catch feelings, but Nolan feels uncomfortable about it because your blanks little sister! Eventually you start dating and blanks accepts it!

Like imagine Nolan saying “you think I wanted to fall for my best friends sister” in the middle of a fight about wanting to be together!

No rush just wanted to send it in! Thanks girl 🤍🤍

uh oh - nolan moyle

word count: 7.0k words

note: its! finally! here! just a warning that this includes a semi-toxic age gap relationship (she's a freshman) so if that makes you uncomfortable, dni! also.. loosely based on uh oh by tate mcrae

"Y/n Blankenburg" You spin around with a big smile on your face at the familiar voice.

"Grano, fancy seeing you here" You were at one of the first frat parties of the year, it was packed full of people and you hadn't even thought about reaching out to any of your brother's friends to see if they'd be here tonight.

"Why the hell haven't you been around the house yet? You know you're always welcome there"

"I would rather die before stepping foot in that house" You grimace at the reminder of the very few glimpses you've had into that house while your brother lived there.

"Fair enough" Grano shrugged. "Look, I've gotta go find the guys but don't be a stranger, alright?" You nodded, giving him a quick hug before moving on, pushing past him and heading further into the party.

...

It had been a month of going to random parties, meeting new friends, catching up with most of the guys you knew on the hockey team, all while trying to stay on top of your classes.

You were honestly proud of yourself for being so organized because after everything Nick told you about how overwhelming his first couple weeks of college was, you truly were preparing for the worst.

However, that was what you worried about during the week and since it was finally Friday night, classes were the last thing on your mind. A new weekend brought new parties and tonight was being held at none other than the senior hockey house.

It was some sort of season kickoff thing; you weren’t too sure, one of the guys had told you about it the other day and insisted you come so it wasn’t like you were going to turn that down.

As soon as you step into the house, there’s an arm being thrown around your shoulder. “Glad you could make it”

You look up to see Johnny grinning down at you which makes you smile back. Johnny was one of the guys on the team that you’d become friends with. Him, Luke, and Luca were all in your business class and since you knew Luke from seeing him a few times last year when you came to visit your brother, he immediately called you over to sit with them, claiming that if you were even half as smart as Nick that you’d be a great addition to their little group.

“You think I’d miss it?” Johnny laughed, shaking his head a little, tightening his arm to pull you the slightest bit closer.

“C’mon, let’s get you a drink” You let him walk you through the party, making your way to the kitchen which was just as packed as the rest of the house. You recognized a few of the guys in the kitchen but didn’t know them well enough to start a conversation so you stayed in your spot next to Johnny, letting him pour whatever it is he was making for you.

“Y/n!” Luke spotted you and his loud voice stole the attention of all his teammates who you could now feel their eyes on you. Luke pulled you into his side, giving you a half-assed hug before explaining to the guys that you were Nick’s sister. You fell into an easy conversation with the group, more often just listening to them talk but you didn't mind. None of your friends could come tonight so really, you were hoping that either Luke, Johnny, or Luca would let you hang around them anyways.

As the night went on, you stayed close to Luke or Johnny, never really leaving their side. Your group mostly stayed in the kitchen, some breaking off to go play beer pong but they were always replaced by other teammates. Your drink was kept full by the guys which you definitely weren't complaining about, not even after Dylan challenged you to go shot for shot with him; you had to tap out after five but it was a valiant effort.

You stumbled through to the living room in search of the bathroom, pushing through the crowd of people. You turn the wrong way, ending up in an even more congested area of the room. Suddenly, you feel a big body colliding with your back, sending you flying forwards without enough time to brace yourself.

You're mentally preparing for impact when someone grabs you, their hands wrapping around your arms, holding you up and practically against their chest.

"You good?" Your head is still spinning a bit from the sudden jostling mixed with all the alcohol that's currently circulating your body but when you look up to see Nolan, it all seems to stop.

"Yeah" Your head felt cloudy and- woah they're playing your favourite song. "Dance with me" You shake out of his hold and reach for his hand instead, pulling him into the crowd of people dancing.

"I don't want to dance, I was going to get a drink" Nolan complained, talking close to your ear so that you could hear him over the music.

"Here" You thrust your half empty white claw into his hand and watch him make a face before tilting it up to take a sip. "Now dance"

You didn't wait for a response, spinning around and holding his hand before placing it on your waist, forcing him to dance with you. He lasted longer than you'd initially guessed, dancing haphazardly to the first song, mostly just swaying with you while he drained the rest of your drink. Over the next few songs, Nolan got more and more into it until eventually, you were plastered to his front, practically grinding against him to whatever song was playing.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” His voice was rough and the way his fingers tightened on your waist made you lightheaded.

“Nolan-” You sigh, turning around to face him.

“What?” There was panic in his eyes as they searched your face, terrified that he took it a step too far.

“This is your house” You say which makes him look around, apparently just now remembering that you were indeed standing in the middle of his living room.

“Shit” He smiles, laughing at himself a little and you shake your head.

“We can go to mine? My roommate is staying at her boyfriend’s tonight”

“Yeah... yeah let’s go” He led you to the door, not even bothering saying goodbye to anyone. He ordered an uber, not exactly wanting to walk across campus at this point which you didn't mind. It got there quickly and before you knew it, you were in the back of the car, trying to keep some sort of space between you two out of respect for the poor middle-aged woman driving you.

Nolan however, didn't provide that courtesy and was desperately grabbing at you, trying to get as much physical contact as possible. After a couple minutes of gently pushing his hands away, you gave in, letting him

As soon as you were out of the car, Nolan was practically on you, holding you close and not letting you break the kiss, even as you tried to open the door to your building. Eventually, you break away with a giggle and twist around to focus on getting the code in right. Nolan made himself busy peppering kisses all over your neck.

Getting up to your dorm was another challenge but you finally made it, opening the door and pushing Nolan in gently, kicking the door closed behind you.

"Wait-" Nolan breaks away from you, it was like reality had just set in as soon as you got past the door.

"What?" You were trying not to sound too annoyed but he was really killing the mood.

"I can't do this Y/n" He finally makes eye contact with you and you mumble out a soft 'why'.

"You're basically a child" Nolan said slowly while gently pushing you away from him.

"I'm 18" You argued back, crossing your arms over your chest defensively. "I am not a child"

"We're literally in a dorm room right now" Nolan laughed dryly and you huffed, backing down from him.

"So it wasn't a problem until we got back to my dorm? That's stupid, Nolan... even for you" He pauses, shooting you a quick glare before refocusing.

"Your brother told me to keep an eye out for you, to make sure you don't get in trouble" He knew better than to get involved with his best friend's younger sister but then he looked at you and all common sense flew out the window.

"Then don't get me into trouble" Nolan can't hold back his smile at that which makes you grin. "Nick isn't my dad, he doesn't really get a say in what I do"

"But-"

"You can stay or go, I don't care Nolan. Just make a decision" You sighed, slipping past him to open the door. You get it an inch open before his hand reaches above you, pushing the door closed. You spin around, suddenly trapped between him and the door to find him grinning down at you.

"You're crazy if you think I'm leaving" He smirked, grabbing your waist and pulling you over to the bed. There was definitely no turning back now.

...

"So... you and Moyle huh? What does Blanks think of that"

You looked from him to your prof who was still lecturing at the front of the class, then back to Luke who was still waiting for your answer.

"Nick doesn't think anything of it because he doesn't know anything" You answer quietly, still trying to keep up with the lecture.

"Wait- your brother doesn't know? Isn't he Moyle's best friend?" Johnny leaned over from the other side of Luke, joining in on the conversation.

"There's nothing to know"

"Other than the fact that you're hooking up with his bestie" Luke pointed out and Johnny snickered.

"Guys" Luca warned and you smiled gratefully at him.

"Hey, we just want to know the gossip" Johnny held up his hands in defence and you rolled your eyes.

"Pay attention" You mumble, facing forward.

...

"How's school? Have you gotten lost yet? Do you ever see the guys?" Nick's daily phone call usually consisted of the same questions even though the answers were typical the same every time he asked.

"Its fine, no I haven't, and yeah I’ve seen most of them. Some of the freshmen are in my business class" You decided that a vague answer was the safest bet. Nick was barely paying attention, it looked like he was busy cooking something while his phone was propped up on the counter.

"You haven't seen Nolan?" Nick asked which made you look up from your notebook. You had specifically avoided naming names in order to avoid hun asking about Nolan but really, you should’ve known better.

"Uh no not really. Luca wants me to go to their game tonight so I guess I'll see him then" You watch Nick’s face carefully, trying to gauge if he bought your lie or not.

"Luca...?" You could tell he was trying to place the name but he couldn't quite get it.

"Luca Fantilli" You had to explain that Luca was one of the boys from the team who was in your class as well as one of the freshmen on the hockey team.

"You're not allowed to date anyone on that team Y/n/n" Nick deadpanned.

“I don’t want to date him Nicholas, relax”

“Him or anyone else” Nick reminded as you rolled your eyes playfully.

“I should go, I have to study a bit before I go to the game”

“Yeah for sure, hey if you see Nolan tonight, tell him to answer my texts” His voice is light but his words are what hit you.

“You haven’t talked to him?” Nolan had been dodging Nick’s texts; the boys had been attached at the hip for the past four years, even when Nick came home on school breaks, he was always facetiming or texting Nolan.

“Not since last week. Not a big deal, just let him know, okay?” Was it just a coincidence that Nick hadn't heard from his best friend since before you hooked up? You sure hoped so.

“Yeah sure” Nick said goodbye and hung up quickly, leaving you to overthink the situation you’d gotten yourself into instead of doing your homework. By the time you had to leave for the game, you were a mess.

...

The game was fine, an easy win against BU and before you knew it, you were at Skeeps with the guys to celebrate. You had been keeping your distance from Nolan, not on purpose but it just so happened that Luca and Truss were at the table furthest from the seniors.

You hadn’t realized you were staring at him until Luca leaned over, knocking his shoulder into your own.

“Go over there” You looked at your friend who was smiling encouragingly at you. Luca was sweet, he hadn’t given you nearly as much shit about your situation as Luke and Johnny had. If anything he seemed to be in support of it.

“There’s too many people” You were still trying to be cautious around the team, knowing a lot of them talked to your brother regularly so it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Just go Y/n” You sighed, you really did have to go talk to Nolan and while you were originally planning on talking to him on the way home, it didn’t seem like he was leaving anytime soon.

You know you’re overthinking it, none of the guys here would look twice if you went to talk to Nolan, he is your brother’s best friend after all.

“Y/n!” Grano yells when you approach their table and it makes you laugh, Nolan’s head turns at that and he subtly moves to the side to make room for you to step up to the table.

“You okay?” He bends down so that you can hear him and you nod, looking back to the other guys at the table who are too busy watching something happen over the ledge on the lower level of the bar.

“I talked to Nick today” You tell him, watching him carefully to gauge his reaction. Nolan just nods, waiting for you to continue. "He said he hasn't heard from you in a bit"

"Oh yeah I guess" He shrugged.

"Are you ignoring him because of me?" You ask, a little scared to hear his answer.

"I'm not ignoring him"

"Nolan" You chide, not believing him.

"Y/n" He mocks you right back, "I just haven't answered him in a bit, I'm not ignoring him"

"Okay" You were going to head back to your seat next to Luca when Nolan shifted to stand right behind you in order to let Steve pass by. You froze, looking down at where Nolan's hands rested on the table on either side of you.

"Going home soon?" You can practically feel Nolan's lips brushing against your ear and it sends a shiver down your spine.

"Mhm, just waiting for Luca to be ready" You twisted your head as much as you could so that you could look at him while he stayed in his spot behind you.

"Luca?"

"Yeah he's gonna take me back to the dorms" It wasn't like you couldn't make it back by yourself but your friends were good about walking you home and making sure you got back safe.

"C'mon, go get your bag" He pushes off the table, finally moving away from you as you spin around, questioning him. "I'm taking you home"

"Nolan it's fine, you don't have to leave now. Luca-"

"Y/n, I'm taking you home. Grab your stuff and tell Luca, I'll be there in a minute" His voice was strong and you didn't want to argue so you nodded, scurrying back to your previous table where you'd left your stuff and fill Luca in on what had apparently been decided.

"He's taking you home?" Luca's eyes go wide and you roll your eyes.

"Ready?" Nolan's hand lands on your shoulder, quickly putting an end to the conversation as you smile up at him and now. You call out a goodbye to Luca as you're guided downstairs by Nolan. He was practically dragging you across the bar, towards the exit when he suddenly stopped and you collided with his back.

"Moyle! You're not leaving already, are you?" You look around him to see the few seniors that weren't upstairs with the rest of the team.

"Yeah, taking Y/n home" Nolan moved to the side, gesturing back to where you stood.

"What? No, get one of the freshmen to take her" Jay threw his arm around Nolan's shoulder, trying to convince him to stay longer.

"Nah dude, I'm tired anyways. Plus Nick would kill me if I sent her home with one of those guys" It was a complete lie, even though Nick had 'warned you' about dating one of the freshmen, you knew that Nick would be more grateful that they actually cared enough to get you home safely.

"Fine but you're getting boring in your old age bro" Jay shoved Nolan's shoulder playfully but then gave up, following the rest of the guys towards the stairs, letting you and Nolan finally leave.

"You didn't have to leave, Luca totally would've taken me... or I could've gotten an uber" You broke the silence after a couple minutes of walking. It was a short walk, probably less than 10 minutes and as soon as you got away from downtown and back onto campus, it was like there was nobody else outside.

"You think I'd let you uber by yourself?" He asks like its preposterous to even think of.

"I'm a big girl Nolan, I can do things by myself" You pout, standing up for yourself, not caring if it comes off bratty.

"I know you can but it doesn't mean you have to. I wanted to get you home, I don't mind" You look over at him but he isn't looking at you, instead staring straight ahead at the street.

"Whatever you say"

...

"Your phone" Nolan mumbles against your lips, as if you couldn't hear your phone ringing for the second time from his bedside table.

"Ignore it" You pull him back into the kiss, positive that nobody needed you to answer that badly. Your time with Nolan had become scarce, with you spending more time studying for midterms and him going away for games, it had really cut into your time. It wasn't like he owed you a specific amount of hours or anything... it's not like you were dating but hey, why spend the time you did have together, on your phone with someone else.

"It could be important" He sighs, moving away to reach for your phone, looking at it before dropping it back in its spot. You wait patiently as you watch his eyes scan over the screen.

"Not important?" You ask with an amused smile.

"Seven texts and two missed calls, all from Luke" There's a weird edge to his voice and you can feel that the energy in the room has shifted.

"I'll talk to him later" You reach for Nolan's shirt and attempt to pull him back to you but he gets out of it, standing up instead and suddenly you feel out of place.

"You should probably get going, the guys are gonna be home soon and we have practice" He was avoiding your eyes and you weren't sure why.

"Okay" You knew he didn't want the team to know that you two were hooking up and while you weren't exactly hiding it very well, you also weren't too keen to walk through the house when it was full of guys.

"Am I still coming over tomorrow night?" You ask hesitantly. They had another game tomorrow, the first of the series against Western.

"I don't know, I'll talk to you later" He was visibly uncomfortable so you decided to just drop it, quietly grabbing your bag and heading out the door. Nolan doesn’t follow you so you let yourself out, walking back home to your dorm, wondering what the hell just happened.

You didn't hear from him for a few days, not like you were keeping track.

A couple weeks later, Luke leaned across the table in class "How's our favourite couple doing?"

You hadn't talked to Nolan much since the day he basically kicked you out of his house. A few texts here and there but with midterms and everything, you hadn't had time to go see him.

"Luke..." You really didn't have the energy to deal with this today.

"Blanks still doesn't know, huh?" He continued, "I mean after him taking you home from Skeeps the other night, I was sure word was going to get out"

"Luke you gossip more than a girl" Luca says from beside you and you agree with him.

"Can we be done with this conversation, please?"

"So what happens when Nick plays Detroit? Is Moyle going to the game with you?" Johnny asks and you groan once you realize they weren't dropping this conversation.

"He'll probably go with Grano" You're sure there will be a handful of guys going to that game; it was on a Tuesday so they wouldn't have a game or anything and since Kent and Nick play together, a lot of the guys would probably want to go see them.

"And you're not going?" Luca asked curiously.

"I didn't say that"

"So-" Luke starts but you cut him off.

“I’m not talking about it any more, drop it” You say sharply and luckily, they listen.

...

After the second night of losing to Minnesota, the boys have a party. It was once again at the senior house and you were once again forced into attending. You weren't trying to avoid Nolan but you also weren't in a hurry to see him. There still hadn't been much contact between you two and while you did want to talk about it, tonight probably wasn't the best night for that.

Johnny found you as soon as you stepped into the house and brought you over to where most of the freshmen had gathered. There was a drink in your hand before you could even ask and the boys were always attentive when you finished your drink. You have to think it was Luca's doing, he knew that you were a little worried about seeing Nolan tonight and knew you well enough to know that the right amount of alcohol would fix that.

You were content with sitting around with them for an hour or so and then you spotted Luke awkwardly standing in the sea of people dancing, looking a little lost. You extract yourself from between Seamus and Johnny, promising to be right back and head in Luke's direction.

"Need a partner?" You ask him with a grin and when his eyes meet yours, you can tell he's a little drunk as well. He didn't say anything but his hands had moved and were currently hovering over your waist. You try not to laugh at his hesitation, grabbing his hands and putting them directly on your hips.

"But- Nolan" Luke stretched his fingers over your hips; he was still sober enough to know better than to mess with his captain's girl. Luckily for him, you weren't Nolan's girl.

"Nolan isn't my boyfriend" You say quickly, "C'mon Luke, just dance with me, you don't have to kiss me or anything, I promise" You say in all seriousness but Luke laughs.

"Okay fine" You both grin and Luke's just starting to move his hips when Nolan appears out of nowhere, his hand wrapping around your arm and dragging you away from Luke easily, pulling you up the stairs and into a room away from everyone else at the party.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Nolan yelled as soon as the door was shut behind you.

"Excuse me?"

"What were you doing out there? Trying to make me jealous?" His eyes are intense as they stare into yours and it takes all you can manage to not squirm under his gaze.

"Not everything is about you, Nolan" You scoff, trying to play it off as best you can. He might be right, just a little bit though. You weren't actively trying to make him jealous but you'd be lying if you said it hadn't been a passing thought as you made your way over to Luke.

"You're a pain in my ass" He groans.

"Oh and you're so perfect" You shoot back at him.

"I don't care if you want to be with Luke, I'm over it, believe me... just don't do it in front of me, okay?" His eyes are soft now, not at all as angry looking as they were when he initially pulled you in here. It was almost like- wait...

"Be with Luke? Are you kidding me right now?" You ask in disbelief.

"Let's not talk about it" He groans, moving to sit on the bed. You track him with your eyes as you process the information through your (still drunk) brain

"No no, let's!" You were still trying to wrap your head around it. You and Luke? Nolan thinks that you wanted to be with Luke? "I don't like Luke. He's my friend, nothing more and nothing less"

"What? You're serious?" He practically does a double take at you, like he can't believe what he's hearing.

"Where would you even get that idea?" It was almost comical to you. Over the semester, you had grown so close to Luke he was practically your brother. You could honestly say you've never had a single romantic thought about the boy.

"Fucking Rutger told me that Luke liked this girl he had a class with and that he texted her all the time and then that day when Luke called and texted you a bunch of times when you were here? I just put two and two together and..."

"Nolan..." You shook your head at him. Everything was suddenly making sense. "You really think I would mess with both you and your teammate?" You can't help but feel a little hurt at the insinuation. Honestly, with the information he had, you can't blame him for thinking that but you also didn't like that he thought you'd do something like that to him.

"No but... I don't know" He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have assumed that but I also should've talked to you about it before kinda icing you out"

"Well yeah no shit" You rolled your eyes, letting out a little laugh. "So... now that we figured that out..." You trailed off and smiled shyly when his eyes rose to meet yours.

"Hm?" He hummed, waiting for you to continue as he sat there with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"You know, I really do hate you sometimes" You say under your breath as you walk over to stand in between his legs. His hands easily come up to wrap around your thighs.

"Oh yeah, I know you do" He pulls you forward and you go easily, letting giggles spill out as you both topple over onto his bed.

...

By the time winter break rolls around, the whole team practically knows about you and Nolan. After seeing you two together at parties and also you hanging around Yost after games, waiting for their captain, the guys seemed to clue in.

They all knew not to say much about it though, whether that was because Nolan had said something or not you weren't sure.

However, when you're all waiting to see Nick after his game against the Red Wings, Nolan does say something to them.

"Not a word about Y/n/n and I to Nick or I'm telling coach to bag skate you all" He practically glares daggers at Grano, Steve, Truss, Mark, and Dylan. Spending an extra second on Dylan especially.

"Dude, I swear!" Dylan holds his hands up in surrender which makes Nolan roll his eyes. You touch his arm lightly, just barely grazing your fingers over his bicep and he turns to look at you.

"Relax, they won't say anything, it's going to be fine" You knew hearing it out loud would make it feel like it was true, at least that's what you'd been telling yourself all day.

You didn't have time to say anything else, barely enough time to pull your hand away from Nolan because Nick suddenly appeared and the guys were all rushing towards him.

"Where's my baby sister?" You heard him say through the group hug of boys that you'd elected to stay out of. They broke apart and Nick pushed through to give you a hug. As much as you talked to him on the phone, you really did miss your brother.

"How're you doing kid?" Nick asks when he lets you go.

"Good. Really good" You grin, catching Nolan's eye over your brothers shoulder who's smiling right back at you which makes your chest all warm.

"Good to know the boys haven't corrupted you yet" Nick laughs and behind him, Dylan's mouth opens but Mark clamps his hand over it before he can let out a sound.

Nick doesn't have very long but he stays out to talk to everyone until the poor Blue Jackets intern has to practically drag him to the bus in order for them to leave. Once he's gone, you follow the boys back to Grano's car, trailing at the back of the group with Dylan and Mark.

Steve takes the front seat which leaves Nolan to squish in next to you in the back, Truss on the other side, already engrossed in his phone. The ride home is much quieter than it was on the way there. Grano and Steve are talking to each other while the radio plays some sort of rock music softly in the background.

"It was good to see him" Nolan says to you, quiet enough that nobody else would really hear.

"Yeah, I missed him" If anyone understood, it was Nolan.

"I know you did" His hand falls to your knee, squeezing once and then resting there. "We have to tell him" His voice had dropped even quieter now, almost like he didn't even want to say it.

You knew that you would have to tell Nick. With how things were developing, this could very well turn into something serious and there was no way you could hide that from your brother.

"We will" You assured him although telling Nick was the last thing you wanted to do.

...

Everything was going fine until it wasn't. Your friends teased you for having such a rocky relationship but it was just how things were with you and Nolan. One day you were inseparable, Nolan wouldn't let you leave his bed and the next, you could barely get a reply to your texts.

The weight of keeping this all a secret was definitely making things worse. The off days had now turned into fights and it was happening more often that not.

"I'm tired of this Nolan" You groan, once again collecting your clothes that had been scattered around his room.

"Yeah well so am I" He huffed. You didn't get it. He was the sweetest guy you've ever met, he took you out for breakfast and helped you study for every quiz or exam you had but then the switch would flip and he'd bail on your plans without so much as a text to let you know.

Your friends told you it was toxic, that he was toxic. They told you to get out before it was too late. Of course, you didn't listen. He wasn't toxic, he's just Nolan, it's just how things were sometimes.

"Well if you're so tired maybe we should just call it" You rolled your eyes. It was the same thing you said every time. You both knew that you were just bluffing. It probably didn't help that you fed into the cycle. You were aware of how bad this all was, that staying here and messing around with him would only make it harder if you did actually break up but it didn't matter because you still had him, he was still yours.

"You act like it was me who started this whole thing!" He exclaimed, his voice raising to a level teetering the edge of what would be considered yelling.

"I didn't force you into anything Nolan" You sounded just as defeated as you felt. You were tired of arguing, of fighting this seemingly endless fight.

"You think I wanted to fall for my best friends sister?" His voice was even louder this time, so loud you're sure his roommates could hear him.

"Don't yell at me" Your voice was small but strong, you didn't let it waver.

"You said it first, don't put it all on me" He looped back to the beginning of the argument and you let out a shaky sigh.

"I'm tired of being your casual hookup. I don't do hookups Nolan, you know that" It was something you told him that first night. You didn't want him to get involved under false pretences, under the assumption that going home with someone from a party was your typical Friday night.

"So what are you saying?"

"If you don't want anything more between us, I'm done"

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" He asks slowly, trying to be sure of what you're telling him.

"I don't want to but I really can't keep doing this Nolan. It's not healthy the way we fight and at this point, I don't even know what I'm fighting for" You finally have all your stuff collected and you give him one last look.

"I'm not going to give you a time limit but think about it, okay? I'm not going to stick around for whatever this is forever"

It took three days. You stood in his bedroom on Saturday and on Tuesday, after he'd met you outside your class and took you to get coffee from your favourite cafe on campus, he officially asked you.

...

Nick knew. He'd found out from Quinn Hughes of all people, it had apparently come up as Quinn was telling Nick how nice it was that you and Luke were friends, and how he bumped into you at that one Michigan game he'd managed to catch while the Canucks were in town, and that oh yeah, he didn't know you were dating Moyle until he saw who's name was on the back of the jersey you had on and then he later confirmed it with Luke, isn't that funny.

Nick didn't find it funny.

He called you as soon as he left dinner with Quinn, barely letting you choke out a 'hello' before grilling you with questions. After he'd gotten all the answers, he hung up and you hadn't heard from him since.

It really couldn't have happened at a worse time. Less than a few days after Nick found out, there was a Pro-Blue event for Michigan Hockey and since it coincided with the All-Star Break, your brother was able to make it back to Ann Arbor.

Everything was going fine until Skeeps. Everyone had met there after the event and the upstairs balcony was packed with hockey players. You were hanging out with Luca, Truss, Thomas, and Brendan when you heard your brother yelling.

"I told you to look out for her! To make sure she didn't get in trouble!" You didn't know what to do. Nick was standing there yelling at his best friend in front of Quinn Hughes, Josh Norris, Dylan Larkin and every other NHL player in attendance. You knew this was not a good look for him. You also knew that you did not want your relationship drama announced for half the league to hear.

"I did" Nolan said back calmly.

"No you didn't, Moyle" Nick yelled. "You're 23, almost 24. She's only 18!" You sink back into your chair, already feeling the eyes on you. For somewhere that's typically plenty loud, it seemed as though you could hear a pin drop right now as tension filled the air. Everyone had stopped talking now, their attention now on the scene that was unfolding.

"Guys, now really isn't the time" Jimmy steps in, appearing out of nowhere and you had never been more grateful for him.

"Fuck off Jimmy" Nick says quickly and your eyes widen. You had never seen him this mad.

"Blanks, you really don't want to do this here" Jimmy tried again but Nick ignored him, continuing to stare daggers at Nolan.

"You took advantage of her" Nick was seething and you could feel yourself shaking as someone put their arms around you in some sort of hug.

"Nick" Another voice entered the conversation, "Let's go outside dude, get some fresh air" You watched Zach Werenski take your brother down the stairs, basically forcing him out. Looking back to Nolan, you saw Grano and Jimmy still talking with him. Everyone else seemed to have moved on already and have gone back to their conversations.

"You okay?" You look up at Luca, the one who had been holding you and now slowly.

"I need to fix it" You take a shaky breath and try to break away but all four of them are shaking their heads at you.

"You have to let them work it out" Thomas said softly.

"Nothing you say right now is going to help" Truss spoke up next.

"It sucks but Truss is right" Brendan agreed as well.

"But I'm the one who made this mess, I need to fix it or at least try" You tried to escape Luca's arms again but he just tightened his grip.

"They need to cool off and then try again. If it still doesn't go well, then you can go fix it" Luca reasoned with you to which you agreed.

Ten minutes later, Werenski came back in alone and Nolan was the first to notice. He never wanted to hurt Nick, he was his best friend after all, but he also didn't want to hurt you. Right now, it was hard to see an outcome that left Nick, you, and Nolan all unscathed.

He found Nick outside, leaning up against the side of the building, just staring up at the sky.

"I didn't want it to go down like this" Nick almost jumped when Nolan's voice pierced the silence.

"Nolan-"

"No, just listen" He said quickly, pausing for a second to make sure Nick was really going to listen. When he didn't say anything, Nolan continued, "I didn't plan on getting involved with her and once it did happen, I didn't want to keep it a secret from you and I'm not blaming it on her because we both decided to keep it a secret but I know I can speak for the both of us and say we didn't want to hurt you"

"I trusted you. I trusted you to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn't going to get hurt here. I needed you, as my best friend, to do that for me" Nick was confused, he was hurt, he didn't know what to feel anymore.

"I can promise you one thing Nick, I would never let anyone hurt her" Nolan said with all the sincerity in his heart.

"I know its just... she's my baby sister"

"I know and I'm sorry dude, I really did not plan on this" He hoped it was enough to earn Nick's forgiveness because really, it's all he's got. It's not like Nolan could take it all back or undo what he's done.

"Nick?" You spoke up, rounding the corner to find your brother and Nolan sitting on the ground beside each other. You shivered, drawing your arms tighter around your chest as you took a hesitant step towards them.

"Y/n/n" Nick started but you held your hand up to stop him.

"You can't blame Nolan for this. I was the one who initiated it, I was the one who wanted to keep it a secret. He wanted to tell you when we all went to your game before Christmas and I was the one who kept putting it off. If you're going to be mad at anyone it should be me, not Nolan" You rattled off the little speech you'd been practicing in your head for the past half hour as you pretended to listen to Brendan and Thomas reminisce on their memories of Skeeps as if they hadn't been back in over a decade.

"Y/n-"

"I know it was stupid and that it goes against whatever dumb rule you've made for me but I don't care"

"Y/n" He says more sternly than before and this time, you actually listen. "I'm not mad. Was I? Yes, especially when I had to find out from Quinn rather than one of you but Nolan explained and I... I understand"

"Really?" You ask hopefully.

"Yeah, I mean I'm not happy about it but I'm also not going to stand in the way of whatever this is. You're two of my favourite people, I want you to be happy"

"Aw Nick!" You can feel tears in your eyes as you fling yourself towards your brother who catches you, letting out a little chuckle.

"This absolutely does not mean you guys can act like a couple around me" Nick says as soon as you let him go.

"You hear that babe? Only high-fives in front of Nick" Nolan comes to stand behind you, draping his arms over your shoulders and resting his chin on your head. You can only imagine the grin he has on his face right now.

"Moyle-" Nick warns which makes you grin, reaching to squeeze one of Nolan's hands. Nick rolled his eyes before turning to head back inside, making sure to hip check Nolan on his way past.

You spun around to face him, looking up at him with a soft smile. It all worked out. Maybe not in the way you'd originally planned but hey, what's meant to be will be.

#can’t believe i finally finished this #y’all don’t understand how long i’ve been working on this #nolan moyle x reader #nolan moyle imagine #nolan moyle fic #umich hockey #hockey writing #hockey fic

427 notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 4 months

Text

Red Rose II

A/N: Did some more work on this series. It’s one of the first fics I ever posted here (2020!?!) but felt writer’s block every time I tried to continue. The story is finally shaping up in my head though. It deals with fantastical elements. I’d say it’s not exactly my average fic…

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————

My head is pounding like a bass drum when I wake up, the room I’m in is too dark to see but the sliver of light coming from below the curtains gives the day away. I try to make out the room around me, the night comes back to me in bits.

I must be at the handsome bloke’s-Harry it was. I remember, Harry offered to let me crash at his. I gently turn to stare at the spot next to me but it looks made. He slept somewhere else—he really was a gentleman.

My body creaks as I pivot off the bed and onto the plush carpet. With the softness of the covers and the quality of the carpet, I figured Harry was well off. Compared to my Ikea flat, and synthetic rugs, this was a castle.

I find the light switch and the brightness assaults my sensitive eyes, but I make out a bathroom off to the side. Sweet.

I looked horrible; as hard as I’d done myself up last night I had undone myself in the hours following. And looking at my puffy face and raccoon eyes, I could barely believe Harry wasn’t more afraid of me. Maybe he just pitied me.

By the time I walk back into the room, the curtains have been pushed open, the bed made, and a plain black tee and palazzo pants in my size lay on the bed. It looks exactly like something I would wear on my day off. A glass of water and two painkillers sit on the sidetable. There was no way Harry did all this, how did he find clothes in my size? And why would he make my bed?

I leave the questions for later and take the painkillers (after double checking the label), take the clothes back into the shower and wash the weird night away. It’s not hard finding the kitchen from the smell of coffee and baked goods.

I find Harry sitting in a robe on the balcony off to an open concept kitchen. Two women prepare breakfast, in uniform—so they definitely weren’t family, and another man in uniform stands outside. He definitely didn’t make my bed. I quietly head out to Harry.

“Once I can, that’s all she needs to know.” Harry sips a coffee with his back to me. The man outside only nods to me before going back in.

“Rose,” Harry says. I jump, how did he know I was here. “I can see your reflection in the glass.”

“Do you read minds or something?” I ask as I walk into his view and settle into the chair opposite him.

“Or something,” he smiles. From what I remember from yesterday, he was big and bold and broody but this morning his face is lit from below and he doesn’t seem as intimidating—it holds a kindness that was missing yesterday. At an angle, he looks almost harmless. Almost.

“Thanks for...well for everything.” I wasn’t sure how to approach his kindness. I knew everything came with a price, Harry was being really nice, he’d kept to his word and left me to recover, but I didn’t know why. That made me uneasy. As I think it, Harry fixes me with a stare, waiting for me to continue but I don’t know what to say so I babble. “I usually don’t do this, follow strangers home. But last night was kind of really awful and-shit, Jeremy! I..”

I pat my pockets out of habit but of course my phone isn’t there. I look up and my phone is on the table. I grab it, and look up, Harry continues to stare as if he was watching a rat in a maze he’d constructed and a chill goes down my spine.

Leave it up to me to make things weird.

My train of thoughts freak me out so I just excuse myself and go inside, my screen isn’t cracked anymore. I run my finger over the screen to make sure but it’s entirely smooth. Was I hallucinating yesterday?

“Y/N, why are you calling so bloody early?” Jeremy’s sleepy voice answers the phone. I check the room and spot the time on the fridge. 8:44.

“Sorry, must be the jet lag. I just want you to know I’m okay.”

“What? Why wouldn’t you be?” I hear him shuffling.

“I...” I realise he knew absolutely nothing from yesterday. I never called him-he probably thinks I’m still at my ex’s! “I’m sorry Jer go back to bed. I’ll explain later.”

He grumbles something but he sounds half-asleep already. I tuck my phone into my pocket and go back outside. The women have disappeared and a buffet is laid out in front of Harry. He points to my seat and I take it.

“Wow,” I was at a loss for words. But I ask, “Did you fix my phone?”

“It fell out of your pocket when I was helping you to bed.” Harry says. “I cracked the screen so I fixed it. Brought it out here for when you had breakfast.”

“Oh no, I um, I actually broke it last night!” I pull it out with a nervous laugh. How did he fix it? “I got angry and sort of...yeah, anyway, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me. I really...I’m actually overwhelmed with how nice you’re being.” My laugh comes out in a rush of air, I’m trying to figure this man out. He didn’t feel threatening but there were all these red flags that made it seem so.

He finally cracks a smile back and nods. “This is how a woman like yourself should be treated. Let’s just enjoy the feast, and enjoy the morning.”

I smile as he pours me coffee. Something in the back of my head wants to analyze everything about the man in front of me, his good looks and his good manners. But also the cold way he observes me versus the short bursts of sunshine in his laugh. His hand keeps brushing mine, and he makes me blush with his compliments. But he continues to call me Rose, he doesn’t even ask for my name again. So I don’t offer it.

“So do you do this often?” I ask. “Invite a stranger from a pub and take care of her?”

“I’ve been visiting The Good Folk for decades and I’ve never met a woman like you.”

My heart skips a beat, not at the compliment. He said decades, but he had less wrinkles than I did and I wasn’t even 30. How old was he?

“I bet you say that to all the women you take home,” I say.

“Yes,” he admits and I look up from my toast. He seems unfazed by his admission but he notices my expression, “What?”

“You just admitted to saying that to all the women you take home.”

“Yes?” He stares. “This is the first time I’ve taken a woman home from there.”

It sounds like a lie or a technicality but he’s entirely honest. And I don’t know how I know that.

The uniformed man suddenly appears and says something to Harry who excuses himself and leaves. Was he like Mr. Alfred, butler to a billionaire type? Harry sure was mysterious enough to have one.

I use the time alone to look around, the view showed an expanse of green fields and in the distance the skyline of London. I’d lived here all my life yet I couldn’t figure where exactly we were.

I look back inside, the place is spotless. Harry must be richer than I thought if he could afford a place like this and hire help. He was a gentleman with a streak of odd, I conclude.

I wanted to figure the odd bit out.

“Are you done with breakfast?” I jump when one of the women from earlier appears beside me. But on a closer look, she was a lot younger than me. Maybe around 15?

“I’m done. You’re quite young. What’s your name?”

She giggles and looks back to where the other women is watering the outdoor plants. When she turns at the sound of the giggles, I realise she was just as young. Was this even legal?

“I’m called Dot, that’s Oona.”

“Nice to meet you Dot.” I watch as she picks up a stack of plates. She was stronger than she looked but still I ask, “Do you need help?”

She just giggles again as if what I asked was absurd and simply carries the large stack inside. I decide to help anyway, feeling unusual if I sat while they cleared the table. It wasn’t something I was used to.

I drop the coffee cups off on the counter when Harry appears and pulls me away.

“What are you doing?” He demands.

“I’m just helping clear...” I turn to point to the girls but they stare at us. It reminds me of the weird motorcycle guy yesterday who offered to give me a ride home. They have the same look in their eyes and when I turn to Harry I can see why. His features are set in an aggressive expression. I didn’t know what I’d done except to help out, and I didn’t want the two girls to get in trouble.

“Harry I...” I touch his arm. “They didn’t ask or nothing, I was just sitting there and thought I could help. I’m not usually waited on...especially by girls younger than me so it was just weird to just sit there.”

His eyes slide from the two behind me to me, his expression softens ever so slightly. “We all have our roles. Let them do theirs. They’ve been in my employment for many years.”

“Okay,” I agree quickly. I wanted to move away from the tense room and shift Harry’s attention away from Dot and Oona. I would have to apologise later, I didn’t mean to get them in trouble. And maybe ask what their skin care tips were—there was no way Harry hired children so they must have amazing genetics.

“Did you have any plans today? I know you people usually go to work during the day,” Harry leads me to a large room that must be an office. I’m taken aback by his bluntness saying “my people”.

“We’re not all rich unfortunately,” I say passively. I couldn’t figure out if Harry was a good guy or not. One second he was kindly hosting me and the next he looks ready to throw his help out the window because I helped them.

“What do riches have to do with your plans?” Harry looks genuinely confused. He played aloof really well.

“My people?” I remind him.

“Yes, what do you do during the day?”

I shake my head. He was so confusing. “I usually have work but I’m off for the week. I thought I would spend today with...my ex. But after yesterday-“

“You deserve better. He doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

I laugh, slightly nervous having all his attention so close. “Right. That’s nice of you to say. But I seem to have a bad history with men, I don’t think I even know what I deserve at this point.”

“I thought it was human nature to follow your hearts?” Harry stops fiddling with the book in his hands and moves towards me. “Love makes the world go round or something like that?” Harry drags his fingers up and down my arm and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. “How can you not know what you deserve.”

“I...” words leave my mind as I lean in towards him. His touch empties me of thought and I just want more of him. But as I lean into him it’s like he realises what was happening. He jumps back, letting go of me and I straighten up.

“Uh,” Harry clears his throat, “I can’t-“ he looks to the door just as it creaks open, I immediately feel the familiar burn of embarassment that came with rejection. What was wrong with me? He kept making it clear he was just being nice, he wasn’t interested like that. Why did I react to him so strongly?

“What is it?” Harry sounds annoyed at whoever’s at the door. When I finally look, it’s the man from earlier. His Alfred.

“Your presence is needed at...” he glances at me and back at Harry.

“I told you, tell her I’ll get back to her once I can-“

“It’s quite urgent,” his butler’s eyes continue flicking between the both of us.

I check the time on my phone and the movement catches Harry’s attention. I avoid looking directly at him, “I should head back home now anyway. You’re obviously busy.”

“You don’t have to,” he says in a low voice. “You can stay as long as you need.”

“I’m pretty recovered from last night,” I smile. “I think I just have some of my things in the room I stayed in.”

“Dot will get it for you,” Harry puts his hand on my back as I walk to the door. His butler continues staring at us as he moves aside and follows us out.

Dot suddenly appears with my wallet and clothes from yesterday, laundered and smelling amazing.

“Wow,” I take them from her, scanning her face to be sure she was alright. She just gives me a bright smile contrasting her icy hands. “Thank you.” I tell her and turn back to Harry, “I can’t thank you enough for last night. I was a mess and...you helped. I seriously owe you one.”

Harry’s sharp gaze settles on me and I hear a gasp from Dot. It’s like the air was sucked out of the room, I glance back at Dot and her eyes are wide. His butler also looks startled. Were they okay?

“You don’t need to,” Harry finally says. “Consider it a kindness, not a favour.”

“No no,” I walk with Harry towards the front. His house was like a maze. “Nobody is ever this kind for no reason, I’ll make it up to you.” If there was anything life taught me, strangers didn’t do things out of pure kindness. I didn’t want strings down the road. I would rather just let him know I would return the favour and have that sit between us.

His expression is unreadable as he opens the door, a woman already stands outside with a car idling on the road. Woah.

“I accept,” Harry says. I raise my eyebrow, he had an odd way of talking. That’s what made him more intriguing.

On impulse, I go to press a quick kiss to his cheek but he jerks back. I back away, my cheeks aflame, and walk out with my things in hand. The woman opens my door for me and as hard as I try, I still glance back at Harry before I get in and give him a lame wave. His gaze never leaves mine, even after I sit in. He really did just do this to help me out, I read too much into it. He obviously didn’t feel the attraction I felt.

***

“You know that sounds completely made up? I’ve never even heard of The Good Folk.”

It’s late afternoon and I’m catching Jeremy up on last night’s adventure. I didn’t think his eyes could get bigger than they already were but with each part of the story they grow wider.

“As if you know every single pub in London,” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“If the pub was lit at 1am it must be popular enough-I would know. Where does this guy live?”

“I...” I try to remember the route we took back to my flat but it’s foggy. Maybe I was too preoccupied with getting over being rejected multiple times. But I do remember we arrived at my flat within half hour. “Right outside London but I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Doesn’t sound like you,” Jeremy nudges me. “Does somebody have a new special somebody in their life already?”

“I wish!” I really did. “He was mostly distant, nothing happened! He didn’t even let me kiss him goodbye. Plus, I just broke up with you know who.”

“We all knew that chapter was coming to a close,” Jer huffs. “You weren’t even in love with him.”

“Well,” I don’t have much to say to that. Jeremy was right, the relationship was getting colder. And after a warm bath and a meal, I could see clear enough. I was angry yesterday for letting it get to the point I was cheated on. I never had the balls to end it myself. As strong as I made myself on the outside, I hadn’t been strong enough inside to admit it and just end it.

Mostly I was scared to be alone again.

“Well,” Jeremy pulls me into a hug and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to start some dinner for us. You can go through the mail that’s been piling up for you.”

I reach for the stack he drops down beside me. Most of the bills I paid online, I put those aside. Junk, pamphlets, which just left two to actually look at. The first is a postcard from my foster sister, she was doing her gap year and made sure to send me a postcard from each country even though I’d seen her while I was away. The other is unmarked, thin. I open it and inside is just a note.

The Good Folk, tonight. 10:30pm.

Did Harry send this? I flip the paper over but it’s blank, until it catches the light and I realize the faint shimmer of a logo. It’s a spiral in the palest silver but there’s nothing else written anywhere. Maybe Harry did send it, he didn’t have my number but he did know where I lived. Maybe I was seeing him again tonight, maybe Jer was right. Butterflies take over my nervous system but I tell them not to get their hopes up. They don’t listen.

“What are you grinning at?” Jeremy calls from the kitchen—the open concept allowed him to see me.

“I might have a date tonight, half past ten,” I hold up the paper. “Harry.”

“Ooh,” he grins before it morphs into concern. “That’s late...you don’t think?”

“We’ll see,” I skim my fingers over the writing. Maybe he just wanted to talk, but if a guy wanted to see you twice in a day that usually meant something right? Even though he looked afraid everytime I went in for a kiss. I sigh. We’ll see.

***

I look back at the shops around me. I swear this was where I was last night. But the place where The Good Folk should have stood was just a Gregg’s. A Google search didn’t turn up anything so all I had to rely on was memory and even that was shoddy.

I ask a couple passing by but nobody knows what I’m talking about. Great, Harry would probably think I stood him up.

I decide to wander, maybe I’ll stumble on it again. I don’t even try to think, hoping my memory will lead me. The dark streets remind me of my near meltdown last night. It was late, if I didn’t find it in the next five minutes I was driving back.

Just as I think it, I see a familiar sign. The Good Folk. But it’s on a street corner and it was most definitely not on a corner last night. Definitely weird.

When I walk in, it’s past 10:30 and I hope Harry wouldn’t mind. I walk to the bar, even more people staring tonight than last. I definitely didn’t look how I did last night, was it just because I wasn’t a regular?

“Surprised you’re back,” the barkeep actually acknowledges me today. He has a petite woman working the counter too.

“Just meeting someone,” I say. Harry was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was late too.

“A woman like you should be careful,” he sets a drink in front of me.

“I didn’t order th-“

“I did,” a soft voice says to my left. I look at the source, and am surprised to see a blonde guy who definitely was not Harry. He did look familiar. Then I remember, I saw him last night.

“I know you. You were here yesterday-or rather this morning right?” He has kind eyes when he smiles at my question.

“Yes, I saw you come and go. I never got the chance to speak with you.”

I take a seat, may as well while I waited. As I do I remember more; he was glaring at Harry when we left. “Now’s your chance!” I smile at him and take a sip. “Woah, this is amazing.”

“I thought you might like it,” he watches me drink more. I wasn’t even halfway through and I already wanted a second. “Wild elderberry cocktail.”

“I have to remember that,” I say and make a mental note as I gulp down more.

“I never caught your name...”

“Oh, I didn’t even introduce myself how rude of-“

“Rose,” my back straightens as Harry’s familiar voice rings across the bar. What was up with him interrupting my conversations here?

“Rose,” the blonde nods, ignoring the fact that Harry had answered his question. I open my mouth to correct him, to give my real name but he gives me his. “Elliot.”

I can’t even respond because Harry suddenly crowds me. There’s a fiery heat emanating from him towards Elliot. Maybe there was something between them, and the way they glare at each other, I don’t want to find out.

“Took you long enough,” I tell Harry. But the pub is so silent you can hear a pin drop. I look around and everyone is staring at us, this must be one of those places where everyone knew everyone else. And the vibes were telling me these two must have a history.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks. “Why are you here?”

“Um, you invited me? The letter?”

“What letter,” he finally tears his eyes from Elliot and he looks fierce. My stomach drops and my eyes sting. I was such an idiot, of course he didn’t send it. Why was I so obsessed with the idea that I could mean something to this man I just met. Why was I acting like a hormonal teenager about this!?

“I got a letter to be here at 10:30...I just thought it was you I-“

“It was me,” Elliot interrupts. I look to him, his face is a breath of fresh air compared to Harry’s fiery storm.

“How did you know where I lived?” I ask but it doesn’t matter because Harry’s put his body between Elliot and I.

“You stay out of this. Leave her alone.” Harry’s words are threatening.

“She’s not yours,” Elliot says lazily. “She came of her own free will.”

“Free will? She came on an invite. By you.”

“An invite is just that. Her choice.”

“Stay away toadstool, if you touch a single-“

“Hey!” I use my hands to pry them apart. “I’m sitting right here! And I don’t need a knight in shining bloody armour. You,” I turn to Harry. “Don’t need to worry about me. It’s not like you want me. Elliot invited me out, I’m here for him. Not you.”

If I thought it was silent before, it was void of even a breath now. Harry looks like steam could be coming out of him and just like a switch, he backs away and straightens out. His face falls into neutral as he nods.

“As you wish.” He turns, with a last cold look at Elliot, he walks out. Everyone watches him go and as soon as he does there’s a burst of excited chatter.

“What was that about,” I turn to Elliot.

“The past.” He says vaguely before ordering me a second drink. I didn’t even realise I stress drank the first one.

The bartender eyes me as he hands me over the drink.

“Thanks,” I slide it closer to me.

“Remember what I said,” he mumbles as he glances at Elliot and walks away. Did everyone have something against Elliot? But when I look at him he looks too sweet to have ever done something bad enough to hold a grudge. Everything but his eyes, there’s an icy glint to them that wasn’t there before Harry interrupted. The past must be something formidable.

“Let’s go to my table,” Elliot gestures to where he was sitting yesterday. I follow with mixed feelings. Eventually, I decide I was just here for fun. It wasn’t that serious.

***

Dawn creeps on the horizon, and I’m surprised to see it as Elliot helps me into my coat.

“How has it been hours?” I ask as I slip my hands in. “We’ve been talking for so long!”

“I guess so,” Elliot lets go of the jacket and I untuck my hair from underneath. Tonight was...so different than any I’ve ever had. Elliot and I had just talked all night, I barely remember about what. He was funny too. And The Good Folk stayed open with people in and out all night. “It was nice to get to know you.”

“This place is busy as ever, does it ever close?” I glance at the patrons. Some of them don’t even hide their open stare. I was starting to get used to it.

“Closes at sunrise.” Elliot stares.

“Sunrise? It must open late then. That’s an odd schedule.” I think about what Jer said. A place like this would be infamous in London, why had nobody heard of it?

“It’s open sunset to sunrise.”

“Interesting.” I follow Elliot out into the street. The sky is brightening, the midnight black turning into a deep sea blue.

“This is where we part ways Rose.” He says Rose like an enchantment, and my body wants to move closer but I stay where I am. He continues studying me the way he had been all night. I had been studying him too.

“It was really nice. Tonight.”

��I enjoyed myself. Despite the nuisance from early on.”

“Nuisance?” I ask. “Oh. Harry?”

“Harry,” his lip curls. The boyish sweetness bitters before washing away again. “Don’t mind him.”

“Oh I don’t. He helped me out in a pinch yesterday but otherwise I barely know him.”

“In a…pinch?”

“Yeah. It was pretty bad but,” I shrug. “Anyway. I should get home. My friend might start to worry.”

“Of course Rose,” Elliot says. He eyes me for a moment. His brow tightens and he continues, “Maybe I’ll see you again?”

“Maybe,” my heart picks up its pace. “We’ll see.”

His smile stretches his lips, he seemed amused.

With a nod he walks away and turns the corner. I stand there even after I’m unable to see him, and smile into my scarf. I just had an all nighter date with a cute guy who seemed interested in me.

When I tell Jer this he just scoffs.

“Be careful,” he reminds me. “Firstly I’ve never heard of this bar. Secondly how the fuck did this Elliot guy get your address? And thirdly, you don’t get involved with two guys with history. Trust me.”

“Jer,” I roll my eyes. “Okay. The address thing is weird, maybe I said it out loud when I was trying to get a ride home?”

“Still creepy! Hold on-“ he picks up his ringing phone and I wait.

Aside from the address thing, sure. It was a big weird. But Elliot did not give off creepy vibes. I just had to do some more digging if I was interested.

Was I interested? I think of Elliot’s amused blue eyes and blonde hair, his laugh, and the way he made most of the night about me. He didn’t try to kiss me or take me home. We just talked. It was nice.

My mind wanders to Harry. He had taken me home, taken care of everything. Was respectful. But he was kind of overprotective, and aloof. I didn’t care for that.

Elliot was open whereas Harry was hard to read-

“Are you even listening,” Jeremy snaps his fingers in front of my face.

“Huh?” I look up and in the time I had gotten lost in my thoughts, Jeremy had changed into his parka and his boyfriend stands beside him ready to leave.

“Y/N get some rest. I’m worried about you. You can’t just go from one relationship—even if it was a dying one, and hop into a love triangle.”

“Love triangles are messy,” Bryce comments.

“I know! Promise me you’ll take a break. Process your last relationship before you jump into anything new?”

He was right. Of course he was. It had just been such a long time since I felt wanted that I was letting it fuck me up like I was a teen madly in love. I barely knew them. And I’d forgotten all about my cheating ex. On one hand it was good, but I couldn’t slide into anything new.

“Okay. Promise.”

“Good.” Jer sighs. “We’ll be out of your hair by tonight so don’t make me worry about you.”

“What? Why? You two stay the week like I promised!”

“No we need to head back north. He misses the countryside,” Jer points back to his partner.

“The cow shite can wait Bryce, please? Keep me company longer?!”

Jer hugs me against him. “We’ll do lunch today before we’re off okay? Get some sleep though.”

I’ve known Jeremy since I was 11 and he was 10. I had just been placed in a new foster home, the third one I’d been in since I was 6. Jeremy had arrived a month before me, he’d been in the system since he was 9. He had given me the downlow on who to avoid and who was nice, in return I’d stuck up for him when he was picked on. He was a tiny thing then, scrawny and wide-eyed. I had been weathered by the system and didn’t care who was nice and who you had to avoid. I learned after my first home you had to become the person to avoid, and then leave everyone else alone.

We were separated a few years later and found each other on the streets when I was 17 and he was 16. When I turned 18, saved enough money to rent a shitty flat with another girl, I let him crash with me until he could afford his own rent.

We always looked out for each other. He was one of 3 people I considered family. So when he gives me advice, I take it.

***

“No I’m telling you she works at Boots and she complimented my eyeliner.” Jer bangs the table. We’re sat at lunch, a couple day drinks in. “I was like bitch you spat on me when we were 12 and called me ten different kind of slurs!”

“Shut up!” I cover my mouth. “I need to see it for myself.”

“Tomorrow. Visit her. I wonder if she’ll recognize you.”

“Probably not. I look pretty different.” These days I dyed my hair a triage of browns and blondes and grew out of my baby face.

“True. She might compliment your hair.”

“She better not. She used to make fun of how frizzy it got-“

“Until you woke her up with scissors over her hair one night.”

“Shh,” I laugh. “Don’t say my crazy so publicly.”

“It’s not your crazy,” Jer grabs my hand. “It’s what kept you alive. Us.”

We grow quiet as the heavier bits of the memories sink in.

“It was tiring,” I slip my hand away. “Always being switched on. Even now, I can’t help it.”

“Until it comes to men. Then my good friend y/n goes poof and this stranger appears.”

I sigh, I had issues. “I can’t help being fucked up. It’s just like, when I sense they want me something inside me lights up. And I tell myself to calm down but all rational thought disappears!”

“Girl trust me I get it. Until I met Bryce, I was sharing beds with so many people.”

“I remember.” Back then it was me picking him up from random parts of town after being kicked out by a spouse home too early, or a partner back from out of town.

“What’s that bloke’s name? Harry was it? He didn’t want you-“

“Ouch! I know!”

“No not like that!” Jer says. “You seemed into him the first night you came back. Even though he wasn’t into you.”

“Yeah. Maybe just cuz he was nice. Why is finding love so hard? I feel like I’m not cut out for it!”

“You want a love that transcends everything because you read too much romance.”

“Stop being dramatic,” I roll my eyes. But it was true, romance novels were my vice. I couldn’t help but believe in true love.

The one thing I knew about my parents is that my mum died in childbirth and my dad died when I was 3 from heartbreak. He loved her more than he could love the sum of the two of them. He left me behind for her. That was true love.

I had a whole of 2 pictures from my life. One of my mum pregnant with me. Another of my mum and dad before they got pregnant I think. The way they looked at each other—I just want a slice of that. I always believed true love existed simply because I knew the story of my parents.

“Okay. Bryce is texting me nonstop let me see what he wants.” Jer leaves me at the table. I sigh and sip my wine, wishing I wasn’t such a hopeless romantic.

It was the part of me that always got hurt. Every other part I had learned to grow armour on but the part of me that yearned never learned how to.

My chest aches as I think about the love I don’t have. I feel it in the air around me as it quivers with something that feels akin to mourning.

“What are you doing?” I hear from the table next to me. There was a couple seated after us, Jer and I guessed they were colleagues. It was a game we liked to play—guessing the lives of people around us. We’d done it as long as we could remember.

The woman slides her hand up the man’s arm. He’s the one that asked the question. He doesn’t seem into it.

“Sorry,” Jer says, sitting back down just as the woman jerks back.

“I uh-“ she pushes her chair back. “Sorry I don’t know what-“

“Uh oh,” I look at Jer. “They just blurred some coworker lines.”

“No it’s okay. Mags wait-“ the guy manages to her back in her seat and they talk too low to hear.

“Juicy,” we eye them for a few seconds.

“Bryce is picking me up in 15, we need to start heading back otherwise we’ll be driving in traffic.”

“I wish you stayed the week.” I pout.

“Your 1.5 bedroom flat isn’t big enough for all of us. Call me when you finally get that promotion and buy a bigger flat.”

“You’ll be the first person I call. You know that.”

“I know that.” He smiles.

“When will you be in town next?”

“Not for a while unless my best friend decides to do something stupid.”

“I won’t,” I promise him. “Maybe I’ll come up to you in November.”

“Open invitation.” Jer reminds me.

I go home to an emptier flat, it makes me feel more lonely than I should. I never had a lot of people in my life, I’d grown accustomed to being alone. To loneliness.

But as an adult, the pangs dug in just as deep.

I soothe it by falling asleep early.

All I remember of my dreams are intense colours and emotions, vibrant landscapes and a looming sense of dread. I wake up drenched in sweat, the second time that week that my dreams were that intense. Maybe I should be visiting a doctor.

***

I feel like I’m wasting potential as I sit in my flat on a Friday night. I had been laying on my couch for the last two hours, first scrolling through my phone, then being jumpscared by a post from my ex, then zoning out to a movie, before going back on my phone.

The cycle is vicious. And all I can think of is Elliot. No. I couldn’t think of Elliot.

Maybe I should join one of those dating apps. Hopeless romantic looking for true love, but also dtf to fill the time.

God. I was miserable.

Something inside me is drawn to go back to the pub. To the patrons that loved to stare. To the pair of eyes I didn’t mind stared.

“Jer said no.” I say out loud. Well, he didn’t say no. Just not to do anything rash. To process my emotions. “Fine.”

I continue laying on my couch. Let my ex flit through my mind. I thought I loved him. I think I just liked the idea of him. After the initial lover phase, we were really in two different places all the time.

I sink deeper into the couch. Who have I loved? Have I ever lover anyone romantically?

I remember a guy I dated when I was 24. It lasted 8 months and 14 days. Jer had had to sleep on the couch for a week because the day I was broken up with I’d found my way to his flat, crashed on his bed, and stayed glued onto his mattress.

Until he had to physically carry me into a shower and spray me with water. But that’s another story.

He was the closes thing I felt to love. To loved. He moved to Mexico. I remember he told me it was wrong timing. I remember thinking I was cursed.

I sink further and further into the couch.

I was 28 and never really loved anyone. How pathetic was that?

Suddenly I can’t breathe. It feels like the couch was drowning me whole like quicksand.

Even pulling myself out feels like quicksand, I use all my strength to sit up and only then do my lungs inflate with a deep breath.

“Holy fuck.” I gasp.

What the fuck was that!?

I look back at my couch but it looks back the exact same. It felt like it was swallowing me moment earlier. What the fuck!

I had to get out of here.

That’s how I find myself at the local corner store buying junk, and browsing the crisps.

“Sweet tooth?”

“Huh?” I nearly jump at the sight of Elliot. “Wha-Elliot?”

“Rose.”

“What are you…are you stalking me?”

“Stalking?”

“What are you doing here?”

He tucks his hands in his pockets, that’s when I note how casual he was dressed. Slacks and a half-zip.

“I was at a party nearby,” his eyes flicker over the items in my hand.

“Weird coincidence.” He knew my address, I knew that.

“It might appear that way. What are you doing now?”

“Um…” I glance down at my hands. “Buying…stuff.”

“Want to join us? The party’s by the water.”

If it was a fake party he wouldn’t be inviting me. Unless he was going to take me to a second location to do something worse.

“I’m busy so…”

“Oh. My apologies.” He gets formal very quickly but his eyes crinkle with a smile, the blueish grey drawing me in. “I’ll let you get on.”

“Well,” he wasn’t pushy. Maybe I should see this party. See the people he hung out with. “Maybe I can drop by for a little bit? It’s nearby?”

“10 minute by walking.”

“I don’t need this then,” I pool my items onto a random shelf. “We can go when you want.”

He goes to the front with his items and at the last second I buy a pack of cigarettes. I tried to drop the habit many times but ever since I got back from my vacation I’d picked it up again. I tried not to blame my ex.

“Those aren’t very good for you.” Elliot eyes the pack as I slip them into my pocket.

“You’re telling me you’ve never smoked a cigarette in your life?”

“I have. It doesn’t taste very good.”

“I don’t think they’re supposed to taste good,” I can’t help but laugh.

“So what are they good for?” He asks and it’s so bizarre because he seemed genuinely curious about it.

“Um? Stress relief? Comfort?”

“Sounds like something a lover should offer.”

I nearly walk into traffic when he says it. So bluntly. Kind of like how Harry spoke. I wonder if they just grew up so rich they were from another world.

“Sure if you have one. Lovers are fleeting and temporary. Cigarettes—they’re permanent. Until I guess…you fuck your lungs up so much you become fleeting and temporary. Shit sorry.”

Elliot looks at me with confusion, like I was speaking an alien language. Maybe he didn’t get the joke. I dunno. I grow quiet instead.

“So what exactly is it you do?” I ask after a bout of silence. I can’t remember if he’s told me this in our conversation the other night.

“What do you mean I do?”

“Like in life? To earn money and all that?”

“In life? I lead.”

I glance up at him after the douchey answer. Oh he was serious.

“Cool so you’re like, upper management at your company or like you own the business?”

He cocks his head, “I manage my company yes. But I don’t own anything yet. I report to someone above me.”

“Right.” He was being very literal. And it sounded like nepotism. I didn’t want the headache of knowing what his company did so I don’t bother with more questions.

He leads me down a set of steps and to the canal. People sit along the grassy bank and I’m a bit surprised to see them.

“Elliot my man!” Someone shouts. “Did you bring the beer?”

Elliot holds up a hand holding two cases. I think back, I don’t remember him buying two. But I could have been too busy checking out his backside. I needed help.

“So Rose,” Elliot says after handing the drinks over. “I would like to see you again. Talk some more. Maybe come clean about all this.”

“All what?” I ask.

“The truth of your parents, how you came to The Good Folk-“

“My parents?” What did he know about my parents?

“Yes. You spoke about them the other night.”

“I did?” I blink to clear the cobwebs but I have a hard time recalling exactly what Elliot and I discussed. Mostly just that it was a nice time.

“Rose,” Elliot gets out in front of me and places a hand on my shoulder. His eyes are intense as they bore into me. “I’m not a threat. I was only curious.”

What a weird fucking thing to say.

I pull my cigarettes out. “I need a smoke.”

“Need?” He lets go of my shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Is it all consuming?”

“Sure?” I just needed to step away. There were too many people around for this not to be safe but I wanted space from Elliot. He was being weird.

“Understood.” He backs away. “I’ll wait until the need is satisfied.”

“Thanks?” I mutter. I step away and as soon as I do at least 3 women replace me and tug at him to join their group. His eyes linger on mine as he walks away with them and I look away.

I move further away from the group, closer to the underpass of a small bridge.

I take out a cigarette and place it in my mouth before I pat my pockets, and realize I had no lighter.

Shite.

I note a few people sitting around, a bright dot hovering around their faces. People had lighters. I could ask one of them.

But the more I look at everyone, the more I want to stay in the shadows. What was I doing here? Jer would kill me if he found out. Maybe I should text him. No, he’d freak out. Fuck!

I lean against the stone wall, pressing my lips against the cigarette still dangling in my mouth. The paper glides smoothly between my lips, the familiar smell of tobacco drifting up to my nose.

The air around me grows cooler and I close my eyes, tilting my head back. Trying to ground myself. The stone is uneven behind my head but it doesn’t matter. I feel cloaked in the dark, embraced by it. I feel safe.

I take a few deep breaths, the joint between my lips a prop for the time being.

As my body relaxes and my mind wanders, Harry’s face materializes before me; if I wasn’t so relaxed it might have scared me.

His green eyes search mine like they’d done before. He leans in closer, the darkness surrounding him. The only light comes from a smoke between his own lips. It throws shadows on his cheekbones, making him look like he was carved from marble.

We’re locked in a staring contest but it doesn’t feel weird. He’s part of the darkness, staring into his eyes keeps me grounded.

He leans down, closer to me. The orange tip of his cigarette touches mine and I can even feel the heat of it, smell the smoky air around us.

I inhale slowly, its an intimate gesture—him giving me light. My smoke catches fire and he leans away with a small smirk, away until the darkness swallows him and I’m alone again.

I take in a deep breath to sigh but smoke shoots down my throat.

I throw my eyes wide open as I cough. The cigarette goes flying out of my mouth and my eyes water.

“What the fuck?” I cough out uncontrollably.

My cigarette lies on the ground in front of me, dying embers on its tip.

What. I crouch down and it really is mine. How could that be?

I hold it to my lips and inhale. Exhale.

It was lit.

I whip my head around, was Harry here? Did I not imagine that?

But the closest person is making out with someone else on the other side of the bridge. No one had been here. Unless they’d lit it while I had my eyes closed and walked away.

A chill goes up my spine.

I had to go home. This was getting weird.

When I tell Elliot I was going to go home he’s flanked by half a dozen girls. They look at me with disdain but I ignore it. I was used to looks like that.

“You had your cigarette?” Elliot asks.

“Yeah. Oh. Sorry I didn’t offer one. Did you want-“

“That’s not my smoking preference,” he smiles and he’s the man in the pub again. Kind eyes and an infectious smile. “Meet me at the pub one of these nights Rose?”

“I can’t promise anything,” I play with the pack in my pocket, eager to leave.

“I don’t expect you to,” Elliot says seriously.

“Okay. Well. I’ll try to make it.”

“Great.”

I leave behind a weary smile and hitch it back home.

***

I wake up again drenched in sweat. This whole week I’d been having intense dreams, but all I remember when I wake up is how chaotic it was. The rest slips away like sand in the breeze. It’s frustrating because they feel similar, like I should be remembering what they’re saying.

“Have you been smoking pot?” Lydia asks. I’m back at work that Monday and I’m detailing to my friend who’s serving me my coffee.

Lydia and I met in uni when we were 19. Like all people, I’d been wary and guarded with her back then. But she’d been persistent and earned my trust somehow. We’d been best friends since. I’d watched her come up with and execute this idea of owning her own cafe all on her own. It was London’s top 5 book cafes. And even though it was out of my way I tried to come here most days for coffee.

“No, but it’s making me sleep so shitty.” I complain. “I wish I could just pop a nyquil and call it quits for the night.”

“I can hook you up with magnesium? It’s supposed to be superb.”

I grab my cup from her, “I’ll get super drunk tonight. Blackout for free.”

“Not alone,” she comes around the counter and hugs me. “You were mia this last week. I’m coming over with wine tonight and you catch me up on it.”

I sigh and agree. It would be a lot to cover.

The work day is lost in the bustle of catching up and meetings. By the time I see Lydia again I feel like someone could tip me over and I’d crash. But after putting on some face masks and pouring a generous helping of wine I settle in and tell her all about it.

“So mysterious,” she says when I’m done. Obviously I leave out the weird parts, like the pub moving physically and having my cig light up on its own because I’m not even entirely sure it happened. “The Harry guy seems like a gentleman. The other bloke seems a bit too coincidental to not be creepy.”

“But Harry was being so possessive.”

“Pink flag?” Lydia asks.

“Maybe. Jer said to stay away from it all. Honestly I need a man break? I think after my last relationship I just need to be alone again. I’ve been trying to fill the hole of loneliness with who I can date next. It’s gross.”

“It’s not gross,” she nudges me. “It’s human. Wanting connection.”

“Yeah,” I think on it. “I guess it is. Lord knows I didn’t get enough of it as a child.”

“There you go. We can’t help it. But maybe I agree with Jer? Lay off the relationships. Doesn’t mean you can’t do the horizontal mambo with whoever you want.”

“Dee!” I laugh. “Why do you have the worst names.”

She smirks behind her wine glass, probably considering it a win for making me laugh.

She stops herself early since she had to get back home and I carry the remains of the bottle to bed. Wine made me sleepy and just the same I knock out shortly after. And I don’t wake with a fright the next morning but as my dreams drift away I know they were crazy. This time I remember something about sticks. Random but I remember.

As I ride the tube to work I try to keep a reign on my hangover. I’d had plenty of water last night and popped some painkillers this morning yet my vision is blurry and everyone looks hazy around the edges.

I look to the woman sitting in front of me. She looked pleasant enough but there’s a ring of gray around her that bleeds into the pink of a little boy sitting next to her. His feet don’t quite hit the ground and they swish back and forth. It’s mesmerizing actually and I nearly miss my stop.

You’d think it gets better but the haziness stays the whole day. I should book an eye doctor too, I think somewhere in my brain. Whatever Lydia brought over last night was strong.

On Friday night Lydia invites me over to her place. She had a few friends over that was part of her couple group—her and partner Damon. And I hung out with them occasionally. With not much else to do I join them.

The week had been taxing and I’d had random bursts of feeling off throughout but I never got sick. Googling anything just told me I should rest, that I should expect a migraine after seeing these bursts of colours, that maybe I had a tumour. But nothing pans out.

“Ouch,” Damon says when he opens the door to me.

“That’s rude.” I shove the bottle I brought in his chest and move past him. I hear Lydia humming in her room and head straight to it.

“Something fucked up happened in the flat nex-“ She gasps when she sees me. “Y/N! Love are you alright!?”

“I’m fine—no I’m not. I think I’m going mad. Like proper mad.”

“No sit. Sit!” She pats her bed and kneels in front of me. “Damo can you get Y/N some water!?”

“Sorry. I wasn’t going to show. But I thought sitting in my flat would be worse-“

“Are you sick?” She lays a hand on my forehead. “Your temp’s alright.”

“I’m not sick! The doctor’s won’t prescribe me anything because I’m not anything! I’ve just had the shittiest sleep of my life the last week, I keep getting these weird migraine symptoms without the migraines, and I keep thinking I see something in the corner of my eye and I don’t! Nothing’s there!”

That was something that was new yesterday. Shapes moving around me but when I look everything is normal and still.

“Fuck!” Damon walks into the room just as the glass he’s holding breaks. “What the-“

“Nobody move!” Lydia screeches and I am so on edge I nearly scream at her to quiet down. “Damon what the actual fuck!?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t drop it it literally combusted in my hand.”

“You were probably squeezing it!” Dee accuses him.

“It was probably after getting one look at her,” Damon points to me. I flip him off and lay back onto the bed. I couldn’t even offer any help to pick up the glass.

I take a deep breath in, and out. In. And out.

I drift off, I imagine myself in the clouds, drifting through the air. I imagine a clean gust of air flowing into my lungs. And then out.

When I finally come back to reality Damo is emptying the glass into the bin and Lydia is dragging a wet rag across the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I sit up. “I should help.”

“No.” Damon holds his hand up at the same time Lydia does. “Just go to sleep if you need it. Just don’t worry about this. Or the party. Seriously y/n.”

“Yeah,” Dee puts her hands on her hips. “We’re worried about you. Just take it easy.”

“I feel a bit better. I just needed a moment. Riding the tube had been sensory overload lately.”

“Stay in our guest bed tonight,” Dee offers, glancing at Damon who nods. “Change of scenery.”

As Lydia’s friends arrive I take my spot amongst them. I engage in light catching up, I wasn’t against socializing but tonight I mostly listen.

I try to ignore the way the room changes around the people who talk. Sometimes it feels comforting and orange and other times the temperature drops and it feels like everything is metallic. It sounded mental but that’s how it felt.

The more I drink the more the colours come back.

Lydia’s is like a sunset and as the night goes on it deepens. Damon’s is like Christmas lights, red bleeding into a deep green.

A few friends have similar colours, others complement each other’s. I wonder for a brief moment if anything I ate had pot but nobody says anything.

As the company loosens, I step outside for a smoke.

Halfway through one, I hear the door open behind me and close.

“Doing that again?”

I turn to the familiar face. Sean, I’d known him since final year at uni. We’d been casual friends but with him being Damon’s brother we interacted frequently enough it was more than casual with how much we knew about each other but we weren’t friends enough to ever hang out alone. He’s actually how Damon and Dee met.

“I’m gonna stop.”

“Like always.”

“If you followed me out here to judge me I’m good.”

“I didn’t. I just got here and I saw you alone outside.” He walks up next to me. He brings with him warmth and even though it’s not too cold outside I can’t help but savour it.

“You got here late.” I comment. “You want one?”

“I quit last year y/n.” He reminds me.

“So did I,” I say wryly. He cracks a smile, it’s toothy. The same smile he’s always had.

“One of my friends had a kid a few weeks ago. I was dropping some food off, ended up staying too long.”

“Wow. A kid huh?” I knew people my age—hell, people younger than me, were settled with children. I just couldn’t imagine it.

“Yeah.” He blows air out of his cheeks. “When he first told me he was pregnant I actually said What are you gonna do?!”

“Oh shit,” I look at him. “Was he upset?”

“He thought it was funny,” he glances back to me. “I forget we’re closer to 30 than 20 these days.”

“Tell me about it.”

Sean brushes his hair back, he tended to grow it out and then surprise everyone and shave it every so often. I wondered when the next surprise would be.

The longer I look at him the more his edges light up. It’s a deep blue, it blends into the night but when he steps back against the balcony doors it’s easier to see. It spreads outwards into a purple.

Sean glances back into the house and back to me.

“Are you thinking it’ll be those two next?”

“Huh?” I realize it looks like I was looking inside rather than around him. “Oh. Those two? Maybe not next but soon.”

“She keeps pushing the wedding date. Settling on one I mean.” Sean says. I raise my brow and he explains. “My brother told me. What’s up with that?”

A ripple of something flows through me. It aches a little. I step back to a chair and sit down.

I think about everything I knew about Lydia. I knew why. We all had childhood problems—her mum was trapped in her relationship with Dee’s dad and the Lydia I knew told me she would never sign a contract to keep a relationship. It had surprised the hell out of me when she said yes a couple years ago. But I guess she was now coming around to realizing she would have to give up the one thing she swore she’d never do.

“Damon probably knows about Dee’s parents,” I say. “Maybe tell him to jog his brain a little. Put the pieces together.”

Sean chokes out a laugh. “Okay. Whatever that means. Hey what about you? What happened to office guy?”

“That’s over,” I say.

“Shit. I’m gonna grab a drink first. Then I want to hear about it.”

“There’s nothing to…” Sean’s gone before he can hear me out. I sigh. I came out here to be alone.

I look out to the view, I would never get tired of this city. Its streets ran through me like my veins. I loved it here.

I can see the train going past and I think of the people on it. People with so many different colours.

I hear sniffling and look to the door but Sean’s still not back.

I turn to the divider behind me. It sounded like it was coming from there. I inch back and it’s distinct. Someone on the other side of this balcony was crying.

“Hello?” I call out. But they don’t respond. Oh god, what was neighbourly etiquette? Do i acknowledge it or ignore it?

Wait. I wasn’t even a neighbour here.

I walk to the edge and lean over so I can get a look into the balcony. I was right. A woman with cropped hair and a pantsuit on cries into her hand.

“Hey, sorry I don’t mean to intrude but-“

I gasp when she looks up at me. So does she. Her eyes are pools of black. Or it looks that way in the light. She swivels her head behind her but there’s nobody there. She looks back to me and points to herself.

“Yeah! You!” I laugh. “What’s wrong? Are you alright? Are you safe?”

“I-“ she takes a step back. “Who-“

“I don’t live here. Sorry i know I’m being nosey,” I let her know. “I just heard you crying and-“

“I’m not okay,” the woman has a thick accent. It sound Baltic. “How do you see me?”

“Uhh,” I try to make sense of her question and answer, hoping I didn’t lose it in her translation. “You look sad. You’re crying obviously you’re sad I just-“

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers.

“What do you mean?”

“I stay here or I move on. I’m scared.”

“Oh. Move on like move out? Where are you moving?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know

“Well where are the people you love? Who love you?” I always imagined leaving this city, this country. Build a life far away. But every time it came back to being close to the few I loved or not. And every time I chose them.

“Here.” She sniffles. “In the end I wanted to stay.”

“If it matters to you, I’d vote stay. But I also don’t know your life so-“

“Y/n?”

“Huh?” I whip my head to the sound of my name. Sean closes the door behind him, two beers in hand, concern etched into his face.

“Are you…talking to someone?”

“Oh yeah,” I whisper. “The woman there seemed upset.”

I lean over again to apologize but she’s gone. Damnit.

“Nevermind. She left.”

“Are you fucking with me? There was a woman there?” Sean asks.

“Yeah! I just wanted to make sure she was alright.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Didn’t you hear? About next door?”

“What?”

“The woman next door attempted…yknow. To end her life. But since we’re on the second floor it…she’s like, in the hospital now. On life support.”

“What?” My heart sinks. Lydia was saying something fucked up when I walked in. Is that what it was? “Maybe that was her sister crying? Or her lover?”

“No it’s empty. It’s got tape all over it until police clear it.”

My heart sinks even lower. I feel it like a lead weight. Who was the woman I was talking to?

“Anyway tell me about your tragedy,” Sean hands me a beer and I take it, my mind still reeling from the news.

“Um. It’s not really one. The relationship fizzled out.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“Well what about you? Last Christmas I heard you were dating a hot goth?”

“Who said that? Damo?”

“Maybe? So?”

“No! I brought her to a party but it wasn’t serious. And she wasn’t a goth. Just wore all black jeez.”

I laugh and the colours on the edge of Sean melt into pink. It’s a pretty sight even if it’s just in my head.

“I haven’t been all that lucky in love,” Sean sighs. He glances back inside. “But I look at my brother and think if he can find it I can too.”

It makes me laugh. Sean and I have always teamed up to shit on Damo for no other reason than it was fun. I never had siblings growing up and the dynamic, I imagine, felt like one.

“Do you see kids in the future?” He asks out of nowhere.

“Woah. Um. I don’t know. I can’t imagine it honestly, with the childhood I had…”

Sean nods. “I think you’d actually understand exactly what a child would need. I think you’d be good raising a child.”

“Maybe,” I shrug. “I think I’m also going insane so right now it’s a no.”

He chuckles. “Was that part of your insane bit? Talking to a ghost next door?”

When he says the G word a shiver travels down my spine. I remember the stranger seemed surprised I was talking to her.

No. It couldn’t be. I didn’t even believe in ghosts. The police must have lifted the tape. It was her relative or something.

“I think I’m a little drunk.” I change the subject.

“How are you getting home?” Sean asks.

“Might crash here. I…I think I’m actually going inside now.”

“Oh-oh yeah okay,” Sean steps aside so I can walk past him. He was like a human furnace with how warm he was. I leave him outside and head straight to the guest room. I couldn’t stay here. I didn’t want to worry my friends or do something crazy. The woman next door freaked me out too much.

I grab my jacket and purse and sneak out, texting Lydia an apology once I start walking home.

I thought about taking the train but I couldn’t handle the people. If I walked for a half hour there was a bus that was 10 minutes to my flat.

So I walk in the quiet night, interrupted by the occasional car or group of friends. I spot a fox as I walk and keep to my side of the street. I watch the silhouettes of the trees move gently in the light breeze, I watch as squares of light flick on or off as its inhabitants live their lives. I feel apart of it and outside of it.

I’ve always viewed the world this. I always feel I was this way—apart of something bigger but also on the periphery. Maybe it was growing up in the foster system, or simply always wearing my armour in order to survive. All I ever wanted was people. People to call all my own. Where I was so deep into something bigger that I never questioned where I stood.

Nearly to the bus stop I hear a familiar tune in the air. My palms go clammy as I follow it. I know where I was going to end up. But I was in a completely different part of town. So it was actually impossible.

And there it is. The Good Folk.

What the fuck was this sorcery.

The cherry on top: standing outside arguing with a woman was Harry.

My feet lead me without a single thought in my head.

44 notes · View notes