#I can’t even do the bare minimum for myself or her what am I even doing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hatsunemiku-official · 10 months

Text

ABOUT ME-KU

(+ FAQ / VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST)

hi! im miku and welcome to Internet! you can do lots of fun things here. like look at my blog! ok im gonna hand the mic over to the omnipotent being that watches my every move

thanks miku. here are some things to remember before you send an ask:

- I am not associated with crypton, sega, or the official miku twitter! im just a guy making funny post

- miku lives in a computer. i probably won’t answer anything referring to her doing things in the real world, since saying “I am in a computer what are you talking about” is only funny the first five times

- I use my askbox as a jumping off point for jokes! if I don’t answer your ask it’s not because I didn’t like it, I just probably couldn’t think of anything funny to respond with

- I love receiving art!!!!!!! please send me your miku art!!!!!!! you can even send me a link to your art posted on your own blog and I’ll reblog it so you still get the notes!!!! I LOVE ART!!!!!! (also the ai training toggle has been turned off for this blog so. you’re safe here.)

- there are some things you should speak to a mental health professional about ( ie “i just can’t go on” “my life is terrible” ect) and you should not send these things to hatsune miku. i understand and empathize with you but I cannot help you and it’s very upsetting to receive things like this !

- anything written in parentheses for the most part is an ooc comment from the person running this blog (that’s me!). I don’t like doing this very often though, so if you have a question that can only really be answered ooc then please ask it off anon so I can respond privately!

- please remember I am just one person and sometimes I make mistakes! im a pretty busy person and also disabled so sometimes things slip through the cracks when im low energy. I do my best though so please let me know if you think i’ve made a mistake and i’ll do my best to fix it :]

- sometimes I like to reblog miku art from other people! please be respectful in these artists notes. I know this is a silly jokes blog but these people have not necessarily signed up to be goofed at on their posts. please be kind and keep the clowning to a minimum on posts that aren’t made by me!

- no TERFS allowed. hatsune miku loves trans women

FAQ

Q: can I make a vocaloid-official blog too???

A: yes!!!! anybody can!! please let me know if you do so I can add you to the masterpost and interact with you! I would check the masterpost first though to make sure there hasn’t already been a blog made for that character :]

Q: do you also run [insert other vocaloid-official blog]?

A: no! I can barely think of funny things to say here do you really think I could manage being funny on two blogs at once. I am friends with the people who run the teto, luka and una blogs so if our posts seem coordinated it’s because I asked them really nicely

Q: who runs this account?

A: secret

Q: miku what’s your opinion on [insert queer identity]

A: I don’t like answering these because I don’t want to open myself up to shitty comments and I can’t think of anything funny to say that wouldn’t just sound like “ally twitch streamer smiling at the camera and saying trans rights”. this blog is run by a queer person and miku is whatever you want her to be, if that helps.

Q: i made a vocaloid-official blog! how do I get added to the masterpost?

A: adding people to the masterpost has gotten really overwhelming for me so I won’t be doing it anymore. sorry! feel free to still make a vocaloid-official blog and interact with me if you want, I just won’t be updating the masterpost anymore. the current list will stay up as it is as sort of like. a memento or something.

Q: do you know anything about PJSK???

A: no <3

OFFICIAL VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST

these are my Official Friends! go say hi to them!!

🥖 @kasaneteto-official

🐟 @megurineluka-official

🐙 @otomachi-una-official

🍷 @hanakomeiko-official

💛 @neruakita-official

🍌 @kagaminelen-official

🍊 @kagaminerin-official

🍦@kaitoshinon-offical

🐢 @ryuto-official (RESURRECTED)

💜 @vflower-official

🥕 @gumi-official

🖤 @zatsunemiku-official

🍡 @tohokuzunko-official

🩹 @fukase-official

🔌 @utatanepiko-official

🐰 @yukari-official

🩵 @ringsuzune-official

⚓️ @oliverv3-official

🌷 @nekomurairoha-official

🥢 @vocaloidcul-official

☕️ @rukoyokune-official

🥂 @meiko-offical

👑 @galaco-official

🐱 @seeu-official

🌸 @meikahime-official

🪻 @meikamikoto-official

🍆 @gakupo-official

🎀 @utanekoe-official

🌹 @sakinemeiko-official

🔪 @mayuofficial

🛰️ @moonbase-alpha-tts-official

🍺 @yowane-haku-official

🪐 @ia-official

🎹 @namineritsu-official

☁️ @tone-rion-official

🎤 @maika-official

🌈 @kawaiine-official

🍏 @macnenana-official

🌻 @dex-official

💗 @garnetvocaloid-official

💿 @yohioloid-official

🌺 @zhizidongfang-official

🤍 @kokone-official

🐸 @vocaloidrana-official

🌟 @xingchen-official

🍎 @yuki-official

🌿 @fionetheutau-official

💫 @sfa2miki-official

604 notes · View notes

cassidymb121 · 1 month

Text

OMG It’s You… (Part 2.5)

(Authors note at the bottom)

Warning: mild cursing, anxiety, overthinking

Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?

Y/N’s POV

I rolled out of bed when I heard my alarm go off. I’ve had a motivation block lately (don’t ask me where I came up with that). Some days I just don’t have the energy to get in front of a camera because that said energy gets sucked out from work. Work can be a pain in the ass sometimes, however it brings in money that pays bills even helps with the channel. When I first started the channel, I didn’t have a lot of equipment. I started off with the bare minimum with the money I had leftover from paying bills. Once I had the starting equipment like a microphone, headphones, camera, etc., then I had to come up with the channel name. I ended up with y/c/n because it sounded like me. I knew from the start that I wouldn’t get a lot of views, still that didn’t help my anxiety any.

I try not to let things get to me, though it can be hard when you constantly don’t feel like you’re good enough. Anxiety and overthinking can make a person feel like that, even in situations that have nothing to do with you, yet you still worry about things you can’t control. I started getting ready for work, already dreading going in. Hoping that maybe today would be an easy day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t an easy day, it was actually the worst really. I am actually glad it’s the weekend though. I’ll have to rest up before I start up a new video. I’ve gotten into the routine of posting at least one to two videos a week (three if I’m feeling frisky). That way I can have time to go in and make edits of what I’ve recorded. I learned how to get a little creative with my videos over time, especially when I started moving my hands around when I’m talking. ‘You mean when you start rambling about a topic for hours?’ I hear my inner thoughts say.

I decided to take the rest of the day to relax since I have been running around all day at work. ‘I’ll just start filming tomorrow. That way I’m rested up from this hectic week and can be productive these next couple of days.’ I tell myself.

The Following Day

Taking a sip of my freshly brewed coffee, I hummed in delight. I took in my surroundings now that I have some caffeine in my system. It was a beautiful day outside. Feeling the morning breeze blow through the air ruffling the trees. Being able to sit on the back porch and take in the scenery with a cup of coffee in your hand makes everything feel simpler. Easier. Just for a moment.

I knew today would be a little busy for me but that’s what happens when you decide to make a YouTube reaction channel, especially when it’s about K-Pop. I had recently seen where I’ve now reached over 300K followers on YouTube. I need to make sure I mention that in my video. I didn’t do it once and the fans didn’t like that, not that I didn’t want to do it. I just didn’t pay it any attention. If I did that would really make my anxiety level go up and I don’t need that.

After finishing my coffee, I decided to go ahead and get started on making some new videos. I pulled my computer and monitors up, making sure that my microphone and headphones were up and ready to go. The last thing being my camera. Checking my monitor to make sure I have it positioned where I want it and that my main screen, where I show what I’m watching, is up as well. Once everything is to my liking, I take a deep breath and think about something that makes me happy to brighten up my mood. Clicking the record button, counting to three, I start my intro.

“Good Morning Lovelies! How are y’all doing this morning?” Taking a pause, I start again. “I hope you’re all doing well. Eating well, sleeping well, and going outside to enjoy the weather. It’s pretty outside today. I decided I’d have my morning coffee out there. Maybe next time I’ll film a little video for y’all, I’d think you’d enjoy it as well. Anyways before I get off track, today we are going to be watching the newest SKZ Code that came out recently. I always wait in case there’s a part two. So that way I can watch it back to back and not wait for the second part to come out. I believe most of you know this by now, though we also have new followers who don’t know that. Now I’m getting off track, haha. I can’t help it y’all, you know this. Okay! Let’s get started before I talk your ear off.” I smile looking at my main monitor that holds my videos for the day. I write down on my sticky notes nearby about the 300K followers so that way I don’t forget. I play the videos that I prepared for the day, laughing my ass off at the boys being silly. Occasionally wiping a stray tear from laughing so hard. Stopping to talk about my favorite parts or having to go back and rewatch a part just to laugh twice as hard as the first time.

Towards the end I look down at the sticky note I prepared. Getting ready to end the video I tell myself what I need to say. “Well, that’s it for the video today! I hope enjoyed it as much as I did, but before I let you go I have some thing I need to say. This channel just hit the 300K subscribers within this past week!! I’m so happy that people love watching Stray Kids as much as I do. I do more than just Stray Kids on here, but my Stray Kids videos get way more views than the others. I don’t like being biased to just one group but Stray Kids has always been the closest to my heart and I know my fellow Stays know that as well. And to Stray Kids if you ever see this, I hope you know just how much we love and appreciate everything that you do.” I smile at the camera. “Thank you everyone for supporting me and continuing to support me. Until then I will see you in the next video.” I do a two finger salute to the camera. “Bye!”

(A/N: Hi everyone! So I tried to get the whole part 2 together but I couldn’t figure out how to at more text under the pictures so I just made a second post to it. If anyone knows how I could do that please let me know because there might be more coming. Anyways thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!)

Taglist: @laylasbunbunny

#bang chan #changbin #han jisung #hyunjin #jeongin #lee felix #lee know #seungmin #stray kids #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #lee felix x reader #lee know x reader #changbin x reader #han jisung x reader #hyunjin x reader #seungmin x reader #jeongin x reader

38 notes · View notes

roguishcat · 9 days

Text

Conversations with a vampire - part 4/10

Summary: A story told through a series of conversations between Astarion and child Tav, tracing the slow and steady progress of trust and friendship.

Humor/Friendship/Angst

Rating: Teen. Mild language, mentions of abuse in later chapters, some violence.

Setting: Set before the events of the game.

There was a chill in the air and evenings were turning colder, seasons changing with slow grace, first leaves falling and scattering on the ground in a multitude of colors. Astarion started wearing his doublet more, his usual shirt being too light for this time of the year. That is, it would be if he could feel the cold. He supposed that was one of the few perks of his current state.

Tav was autumn personified, wearing an ankle-length coat in shades of bright amber with a brown fur collar which she left unbuttoned, revealing a shirt and trouser ensemble of a lighter shade that matched her leather boots. Her hair was in a low braid with shimmering golden threads woven along the tresses.

“You know, it’s the first time I see you wearing something other than that frilly shirt,” she commented, throwing a pretty sparkly ring into the air, and snatching it quickly before the trinket hit the ground. “You look nice.”

“Well thank you, not that your opinion was wanted or needed,” Astarion rolled his eyes. He didn’t need Tav to know he looked good, though he didn’t mind being admired by all. The doublet was beautiful, although the golden embroidery was a pain to look after. Not all his conquest were gentle when handling him and his clothes had a fair share of wear and tear. He took care of the little he had meticulously and carefully, as Cazador did not see it fit to give the spawn any more than bare minimum.

Yet, flattery would really get people everywhere and his mood was decidedly better now than it was before he set out for the night. Thus, assured of his good looks, Astarion strolled down the street with unhurried steps, keen eyes observing those he passed by. They passed the potion shop and were nearing Wyrm’s Rock. There were more people around for this time of night and not the usual crowd too. Families, children, young couples, their excitement for the fireworks display in celebration of the grand re-opening of Felogyr's Fireworks so palpable he could almost taste it.

“I just don’t understand why you don’t just come and work in Sharess’ Caress, with your looks you could make tons, tons!” she gesticulated wildly in her excitement to show just how astronomical his earnings would be. “And then you could have everything you wish to have, which whoever it is that you work for doesn’t provide. Mamzell Amira is not exactly nice, but she treats everyone well enough, better than you get treated clearly. I am sure-”

“I don’t need your advice. Or your pity,” he spat, cutting Tav off sharply. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Find another charity case if that’s what you are after.”

Tav frowned but did not flinch or move away. She was used to adults having little patience when dealing with her, perhaps understandably. She did go on and on sometimes. Besides, she had her suspicions about Astarion for a while now, and she knew the defeated look of a person who had no power to make their own choices and hated it. It was useless to pry, for now.

“Sorry, that was wrong of me to say that. It wasn’t meant to be pity. I really do say the dumbest things, don’t I?”

Astarion sighed, a little annoyed at himself for this display of emotion. Yes, she was an insensitive, intrusive little idiot, but she did it out of some feeling of misplaced kindness. And whilst he did not necessarily need her kindness, it was quite refreshing to talk to someone who wanted to converse just for the sake of it.

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped,” he brushed his fingers through his silver curls, “your atrocious lack of manners is especially obvious today, that’s all. You should really work on that.”

“Maybe. But at least I’m trying. Wouldn’t hurt you to be nicer, you know. Once in a while,” Tav said petulantly.

“And it wouldn’t hurt me to be less nice, so your point is moot,” he countered.

“Oooh, someone is in a bad mood. Fine, I’ll shut up,” she huffed and turned away, seemingly determined to show that she was upset.

That lasted for a grand total of two minutes before Tav started fidgeting and shooting furtive looks his way.

“Want me to do your nails then? It is party tonight, after all. I have everything with me. Polishes and all,” she asked hopefully.

Apparently, it was physically impossible for the girl to be quiet.

“No.”

“Aw, come on!” she whined in a most aggravating way. “You have beautiful hands! Like the bard with the lyre that played at Sharess’ the other night.”

“Well, I do know which strings to pluck to make everyone sing for me.”

The innuendo went completely over her head.

“So, is that a yes on the nails?”

“Still no.”

She pouted but did not insist anymore.

“The human delivery boy who brings the groceries to Sharess’ Caress asked me to go watch the fireworks with him tonight.”

“Oh?” He looked at her with his eyebrows raised. “Sounds like somebody’s got a date.”

“Eww, gross” Tav scrunched her nose at the suggestion. “He is a year older, but so juvenile for thirteen,” she said, clearly unimpressed with whatever the boy did to try to get her attention.

“Because clearly you are a picture of wisdom and maturity,” Astarion quipped.

“Well, maybe not,” she agreed, “but kids my age are boring. They see one gash on my leg, perhaps bleeding too much and maybe there was a bit of bone sticking out, I admit, and just faint! Wimps,” she scoffed haughtily.

“Not everyone has the devil-may-care attitude you do, it seems.”

“Exactly! And why would I want to hang out with someone bland and boring like that? They won’t be able to keep up.”

“Which is probably a good thing for them, as they clearly have a sense of self-preservation, and you don’t.”

“Whatever,” she smiled, apparently choosing to take his comment as a compliment. Tav flicked her hair over her shoulder, the golden threads making her blonde hair twinkle as if lit up my magic. “Besides, the fireworks are going to be down by the river, not far from Felogyr's Fireworks. I wouldn’t be able to go even if I wanted to.”

Ah, yes. There was the ever-present issue of her having to traverse these streets over and over again without being able to explore the rest of the city.

“You are not missing out on that much, fireworks are frightfully dull, overrated really,” Astarion said with a longsuffering sigh, as if going to a party was such a chore.

“Yeah, baby stuff,” she looked up, catching on quickly.

“Quite so.”

Her lips quirked into a smile. It was a ghost of her usual enthusiastic grin, but better than nothing.

“Ya know,” Tav looked down, suddenly finding the cobblestones worthy of her attention, “I decided I’m going to marry you when I’m older,” she said in a nonchalant manner.

“Are you now?” he snorted in amusement. “And I suppose you didn’t think to ask my opinion on the matter?”

“Just you wait, I’m going to grow up to be strikingly beautiful. Well, maybe not as beautiful as you”, she sighed, accepting that as a fact of life, “but close enough! And I’m going to save you from your master, because he clearly does not treat you as well as he should, and you will fall hopelessly in love with me!”

“Didn’t you say that this isn’t what you really look like? You might be quite a bland thing. Terrible warts on your nose. Missing teeth, bad breath.”

“Stop it, don’t be horrid!” she laughed. “You are just saying that to be mean.”

He was needling her on purpose, that was true. But Tav could take a joke and wasn’t fishing for praise. It was a nice change of pace when he didn’t have to needlessly stroke someone’s ego and come up with artful, empty compliments. Words were usually just another arrow in his quiver, a tool used for seduction to ensure his survival. It was pleasant to talk to someone just for the sake of it.

“Well, even if I am beastly and ugly, and you will not want to marry me, I hope we can still be friends even many years from now. And I am going to set you free no matter what.”

Set him free, she said. And who was going to set her free before that? Because no matter how negligent her family was, she was being educated, provided for, dressed in the best of the best. One did not just do that out of the goodness of their heart. There had to a purpose for whatever this was.

“Well, that sounds like a plan,” he rolled his eyes. “It may be missing the how and when you are going to best Cazador-”

Fuck. He didn’t mean to say his name. The less she knew about him, the better.

“Don’t make fun of me! I may be measly twelve now, but in a few years, I will be old enough to decide my own destiny. One day, I will do something great, really great, and it will change everything.”

“If you say so,” he allowed, relieved that she did not latch onto the name and start asking questions.

The fireworks display started abruptly, painting the sky a myriad of colours. It was obtrusively bright and showy, but seeing all this in his world where colours were muted and dull had a certain appeal.

“Right, whilst you idle away the hours, some of us have things to do, places to be,” he walked off, moving with the crowds that started making their way towards the Lower City.

“Okay,” she ran up to Astarion to hand him a potion, upholding her end of the bargain as usual, “hope your hunt goes well!”

Hunt. Yes, that is exactly what he was doing. And the crowd tonight seemed so ready for the picking, oohing and aahing at the beauty above them, drunk on their excitement and cheap beer. It was almost too easy to engage one, two, three victims in quick succession. Pluck them like ripe fruit, ready to be devoured.

The other spawn quickly caught on to where his hunting grounds were for the night, and he started glimpsing them here and there. Dalyria grasping a tiefling’s chin and bringing his lips closer to her own to whisper something seductively, him following her completely enthralled by whatever she was saying. Petras loudly propositioning a human pair, them laughing and calling him daft, which was obviously not the effect he was going for. Astarion scoffed. Petras was terrible at being suave, he lacked the finesse, the ability to improvise on the spot.

At one point, Astarion had a niggling suspicion at the back of his mind that Tav was watching him from the rooftops, he thought he saw her once or twice. But, when he crossed the bridge yet again and noticed her up on the roof of the potion shop, she was looking at a human family with a wistful expression, the child holding his father’s hand and gesticulating animatedly, clearly excited about being out and about after dark. The mother crouched beside the boy and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, eliciting delighted giggles. Tav scowled and quickly turned, walking away from the edge of the roof and then bleeding into the shadows.

A child without a name, without a family, and without any history. Astarion supposed that she had little in common with children that sought her company, who had the luxury of enjoying the care and love of their parents, or at least were free to come and go as they pleased on a whim.

She was a specter that haunted the streets of the city she could never properly explore. It was little surprise that she identified with him on some level. He was a creature who was a ghost of his former self, who was compelled to act as he was bid. A former elf without a past, a vampire spawn without a future.

@ninty900 @dajeong @ayselluna

#astarion tav fanfiction #fanfic #astarion #bg3 #bg3 tav #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate 3 #astarion fanfiction #baldur's gate fanfiction

19 notes · View notes

deus-and-the-machina · 6 months

Text

MCYT Yuri week day 3 - hurt/comfort

Hello again! once again this is for @mcyt-yuri-week, it's also on ao3 so if you enjoy it please give it some interaction! comments and kudos are incredibly motivating <3 This one's a bit shorter since I am currently sick but I like how it came out still.

Cleo glanced down at her feet where her eternal annoyance, the water witch Prismarina, sat sobbing into her hands.

“Oh god, well this is awkward.” With a sigh, they bent down and tapped Prismarina on the shoulder. “Look, I don’t know what’s got you down in the dumps, but my tower doorstep isn’t your moping spot, alright?”

Prismarina stared upward, eyes filled with tears. A moment later, an almost comically shrill wail erupted from her as she continued to cry louder than over.

It was a pretty pathetic sight, but it wasn’t exactly increasing Cleo’s sympathy for the girl. Seeing as this might take a while, Cleo placed herself down on the tower steps and slouched over, watching Prismarina begin to blubber.

“Stupid, stupid demon thing! And she–she doesn’t believe me and my date’s ruined and it’s all that wretched demon’s fault, why can’t I just be normal! Why does everything have to go wrong.” She broke down again at the last sentence, becoming illegible.

Cleo waited for her to calm down some, which took quite a few minutes. Occasionally, they’d reach out to pat her shoulder and mutter an irreverent “there, there.” The water witch was a snake and a liar, but Cleo would feel like a bit of a jerk if she did nothing.

Not to mention her interesting comments. Once Pris’ bawling began to quell into quiet full body sobs, she spoke. “Did you say demon?”

Her tear-stained face scrunched up at the mention of it, but she remained relatively calm. For her at least. “Yeah…It’s been possessing me and–I dunno, it’s all so confusing and it’s ruining my life and it ruined my date and AAAARRRRGH.” She grabbed at her hair, now more angry than mopey. “I don’t know the first thing about exorcism! How am I ever gonna get rid of it!”

Cleo tapped at her chin. “...This could be a problem.”

“What could?”

“The demon? The very one you just mentioned?”

Prismarina’s eyes lit up. “You…you believe me?”

They shrugged. “If you’re trying to trick me, I’m sure you already know how badly that would end for you. So for both our sakes, I’m going to assume you’re telling the truth. Not to mention that if this is an act,” she gestured to Prismarina’s whole mess. “You’re one hell of an actor. Forgive me, but I don’t believe you’re that good.”

The water witch huffed, but said nothing.

Cleo continued. “If one of the contestants is possessed, I feel like that can’t be good for any of us. Like, what if it uses you to become supreme? Less than ideal.”

“So…can you do something about it?”

“Aside from reversing time and creating a new timeline where you aren’t possessed, which would be very convoluted and wouldn’t necessarily solve this you’s problem, not really. But,” she added quickly after seeing Prismarina’s face fall. “I have a coven member who knows some things about demons.”

She groaned. “Not Scott! He hates me even more than you do!”

“I’ll talk to him. If it’s coming from me, he’ll consider it.” Letting herself soften a bit, she reached out and wiped one of Pris’ tear stained cheeks. “Not feeling as though you’re…yourself can be harrowing. I wouldn’t even wish that on you.”

Her eyes gleamed, though with hope instead of tears this time. “God, this is the nicest anyone’s been to me all day.”

Cleo snorted. “That’s sad! I’m just doing the bare minimum, not to mention looking out for myself.”

Still, Prismarina didn’t take it to heart and grabbed her hand. “No really, this means a lot to me, seriously. I…haven’t always gotten this ‘bare minimum’. Oh, you’re such a lovely sight I could kiss you!”

Cleo smiled. “Well, not right now, thank you, but I can take you to Scott’s right now if you’d like. Something tells me it wouldn’t be good to leave you on your own if this demon persists.”

“Thanks–hey what do you mean ‘not right now?’’

They rose, gesturing behind for Pris to follow. “You can interpret it however you like. Now let’s get you some help.”

#witchcraft smp #timeflow #cleo x prismarina #mcyt yuri week 2023

18 notes · View notes

hargrove-mayfields · 9 months

Text

Disabled Billy and Steve Week

Day 5- New Diagnosis

My prompt: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Billy

-•-•-•-

For what must be the tenth time in the last month, Heather is parked outside of the hospital, her baby girl in the backseat, but the passenger side empty, waiting for Billy to get back.

The doctors have been running tests and screenings at appointment after appointment. He’s been… struggling. Ever since Isabella was born, his mental health had plummeted. It was never perfect, but for the first time, Heather was genuinely afraid.

Watching her husband pick his scalp until it bled and turned his golden hair red, or wash his face until he got a rash because his freckles started bothering him, was terrifying.

The fear isn’t eased when Billy walks out with a prescription bag, and red eyes that make it clear he’s been crying.

“What did they say?” Heather asks, as soon as he opens the car door.

Billy takes his time answering. He seems like he’s in shock.

Heather would hold his hand, but he has to sanitize, take off his mask, then sanitize again. An obsession.

Somehow, Heather isn’t shocked when Billy finally mumbles, “It’s ocd.”

Honestly, she doesn’t know what to feel. She’s been researching, scrolling on a tablet for hours after Billy is asleep to see what professionals all around the world would diagnose her husband with. But none of that preparation had told her how to feel.

Some part of it is relief, to finally have answers and be able to help Billy manage his symptoms. Another little piece of her heart is scared for how Billy will be feeling through all of this.

She decides to let him tell her, “Is that a good thing? A bad thing? Talk to me, sugar cube.”

“I just need a minute Hetty. That’s all.” Billy tries to smile, but it’s more like a grimace. It hurts to see him like that, but Heather will give him his space.

Instead of bothering him more, she just checks on him every now and again, seeing him glance back at the baby using the mirror that points down at her rear-facing car seat literally every few seconds.

When they get back home, which isn’t far since they knew their array of medical issues would require them being close to a hospital, Billy takes the baby straight inside and lays on the couch with her, just closing her eyes and cuddling her as tight as he feels safe to cuddle her little body.

Heather gives him a kiss on the cheek, and goes to take her own meds, calling from the kitchen, “What are you feeling for dinner tonight, baby?”

Silence. She comes back in, and Billy is in tears. Their little girl is biting his shirt and dozing off, and Billy is trying not to shake too hard with each sob.

His red eyes lock onto her, his lower lip wobbling, “Am I a bad dad?”

“Biscuits for dinner it is.” Heather declares softly, deciding he needs one of his comfort foods at the moment. Additionally, she takes the baby in her arms and comforts Billy with her words, “And no. Sweetie, you’re the best dad in the world.”

It barely helps anything. Billy is spiraling, “But I’m the reason the baby room is so plain. It takes me three times as long as you to change a diaper and I can’t cook for my wife and my kid because I have panic attacks if the oven timer is the wrong number. I can’t clip my baby’s nails cause I might go too short, I can’t hold her when she’s hyper and moving too much- I can’t even fucking be trusted with myself, let alone her little life!”

After all that, Billy takes a shaky, tear-filled breath in, “This OCD shit sucks.”

“None of that means you’re bad though. Your way of doing things is particular, but baby, you’re still here, and you’re doing your best for our girl.” Heather soothes gently.

He scoffs at himself, wiping his eyes more aggressively than necessary, “That’s the bare minimum.”

“Some parents can’t do that. Your mother didn’t.” It probably stings, but it’s reality. One of Billy’s biggest fears when they got pregnant with Isabella was becoming like his parents, or worse. Heather needs him to know that’s not the case.

“Hetty-“ Billy’s face pinches up, like he doesn’t know whether to be hurt or not.

So Heather decides to offer a little bit more insight, and maybe lessen the blow of the brutal reality, “My mom didn’t either. She drugged herself out of her mind and missed my whole childhood. I don’t have any memories from before I was ten. But Bella’s gonna have so so many with you.”

It seems to work, with Billy even smiling as he looks at their little girl and takes it all in, “Do you think she’ll think I’m weird?”

“Honey bun, every kid thinks their parents are weird at some point. But I do know she’s going to think you’re the most loving father a little one could ask for.” Heather chuckles softly.

Now it’s her turn to feel a little bit of panic.

See, Heather has a secret, and seeing as Billy could use a little cheering up, she decides to let him in on it. She takes his hand in hers, and places it on her stomach, right above her scar, “Two little ones, actually.”

Instantly she sees the difference in Billy, and the way his eyes light up. He sits bolt upright and hugs her tight, crying now but for a much better reason.

“Holy shit, baby! How long have you known?”

“Four days. But I’m six weeks along.” Heather enthuses, combing her fingers lovingly through his long curls.

Billy looks like he’s calculating, then he gasps, “Six weeks- Hetty, that’s almost a quarter of the way!”

“I know! Hopefully it’ll fly by like the last one.” Heather laughs softly in pure joy.

Her pregnancy with Isabella was relatively easy, and the number of seizures she had even stayed consistent since her epilepsy medications were safe for her and baby. The worst thing was the morning sickness, but it passed early on enough that she’d somehow enjoyed pregnancy.

Billy had been a wreck, between his emotions and his fears. It took days of promising that she’d be okay when she was nine months in and he’d been scheduled for a work trip before he felt safe to leave her by herself.

At the moment, he doesn’t seem as panicked as he’d been before, but he does fret- “No, no, no, no- I need time. I need to work on stuff.”

Heather cups his face sympathetically, “Bubs, I already told you-“

But Billy interrupts to tell her she’d misinterpreted, “Not personal stuff, lover. I mean I literally need to work on fixing this shitty house up if we’re gonna have two littles running around.”

“First, we need dinner.” Heather happily changes subjects then, but sternly puts her hands on her hips when Billy gets up to help, “Don’t even think about it. This baby bun is literally the size of a grain of rice, I don’t need you butlering yet.”

“Please let me. I feel like I’m buzzing inside.” Billy begs, pouting his bottom lip out in that way that’s always made Heather feel soft.

She rolls her eyes playfully, and hands him a snoozy Bella back, the little one year old reaching for her daddy too, “Put baby girl in her high chair. I could use your help washing fruit.”

“Fruit and.. biscuits?” Billy looks absolutely perplexed by her dinner choices.

Oh how Heather loves this boy.

“No, silly. I’m making you biscuits. Bella can’t eat stuff like that yet though.”

A flush strikes Billy’s cheeks a deep red color- Heather's favorite since she met her soulmate in a pair of swim trunks the same shade- “How the hell do you remember all that stuff?”

Heather just shrugs, though her point is that it’s not as easy as it seems, “Because I don’t have two hundred other things to remember in a day. That and I read a lot of books when I was bedridden. C-sections give lots of time for learning.”

She also goes out into the kitchen, fishing ingredients out of the pantry and measuring utensils out of the cabinets. Billy steps behind her, his hand on the small of her back so she doesn’t bump into him, to reach into the fridge for some strawberries, blueberries, and grapes.

“I’d probably lose my marbles trying to keep track of what’s real and what’s pseudoscience garbage.“ Billy huffs, while portioning out fruit to clean.

It makes Heather recall a time when they were about to be parents and she couldn’t, “Right? Remember when I thought it was bad to sleep on my side when I was pregnant?”

“Changed your tune real quick when the back pain hit.” Billy laughs lightheartedly.

Heather takes the opportunity to reiterate what she’d promised Billy before, “Exactly. Nobody gets everything perfect on the first try.”

She looks over, and Billy is just staring at her lovingly. That was exactly what he needed to hear. Heather smiles back, and blows a kiss, a little puff of dough flour coming from her hands.

Billy acts like he catches the kiss, and puts it to his heart. Nothing beats flirting like dumb, lovestruck teenagers.

Until a piercing wail cuts it off.

Bella over in her high chair starts crying her little head off, Heather guesses because she missed a nap earlier while they were waiting for Billy to finish his appointment.

That sound to them as new parents is instant panic, all the time, and Heather isn’t sure when that feeling will end. Until it does, she knows it’s been hitting Billy harder, and decides to let him take care of it, in the form of an offer, “You wanna get her, bubs?”

Just like she predicted, he’s already drying his hands on the apron not around his own waist, but on Heathers, and running to grab the baby, “Already on it.”

Heather just smiles after him, proud and fond all at the same time. Throw any new diagnosis their way, and they can handle it. Just Billy, her and Isabella, and their little bean on the way. An unbreakable family.

~~~~~

Interested in helping the community? Today’s organization that I’ve chosen to highlight is the Peace of Mind foundation.

POM is part of the international OCD foundation, which means they are recognized as being on of the most beneficial sites for individuals with obsessive compulsive disorder.

On the site, folks can access information about their disability, seek positive affirmations, reach out to care teams, and provide education to family members or carers to make sure the individual is getting the best treatment.

While the site uses language that I personally see as demeaning, I still thought it was important to highlight what they do for the community. I also couldn’t find a single charity or organization that didn’t use the word “suffering” to describe living with our disorder. I personally don’t see my OCD that way, but as I said, I wanted to show that there is a foundation out there trying to support us.

The site accepts donations, saying they will go towards families, therapists, support teams, and of course individuals with OCD. If you’re interested in reading more on your own and forming your own view, click here and the link will take you to the site!

#disabledbillyandsteveweek #hollogrove #billy x heather #ocd billy hargrove #heather holloway has epilepsy #my writing #ej writer #tw unhealthy coping mechanisms #<- I don’t know what else to tag this as because it goes into detail about Billy’s symptoms and how they can be self destructive #but ultimately this is a fluff fic and the angst is very temporary

25 notes · View notes

fiveapocalypse · 9 months

Text

FAUST AND THE DEVIL

A little thing inspired by @nirby-wirby

“So it is only you whose come to meet my acquaintance.”

His head hurts. His stomach churns. There is a burning at the back of his eyes and Five swallows a lump in his throat as he sits across from the man who has held his fist over him even alone in isolation. “I can’t say I am too surprised, not with what I’ve seen so far of you and your, as you put it, family.”

A part of him wants to shout, scream, maybe even punch something just to feel anything, but instead, Five shrugs, lips pursed. “I didn’t come here to idly chit chat,” he spits, ire dripping from his words. If he was angry, he couldn’t be controlled. He couldn’t fall like Icarus wanting to touch the sun. “I came because we don’t belong here, because I know that you can do something about it.” There is a look in his eyes, calculating, and it makes Five clasp his hands together and dig his nail into his palm.

“Don’t belong here how?” Neither a laugh nor a smile, but an inquiry with raised brows.

Five takes a deep breath, grinding his teeth together. “Crapshoot,” he mutters, glaring at the pineapple in the center of the table, “thought I could do whatever wanted, landed myself in the apocalyptic future, and then—here, in this body—”

“You’ve refused to listen then,” Reginald interrupts, “if I am your father, and my word had been law, then it was no fault but your own for your circumstances.”

“That’s—"

“Perhaps, if you had not gone on a tantrum, you would not be here, struggling to even achieve the bare minimum with your lack of prowess.”

“You—"

“But, as it is now, your own foolishness has created your own mistake.” Reginald doesn’t let him get a word in, interrupting him with every second that passed. “You have failed because of your lack of patience, your inability to accept, and now you are looking to atone simply by admitting defeat.” Five hates the way his shoulders hunch up, words dying in his throat. “This, however, is not feasible. You have destroyed your own family by your own hands, with your foolishness and arrogance to prove. Tell me, how is it that the future I reside in has your family in such a state and yet, did it not all start after you had gone off on your own?”

His breath hitches, mouth feeling dry. He hadn’t ever really thought about it like that, not really, but now—it was starting to come together, the pieces falling into place. He’s been gone for so long, to the point where his siblings are 30, seventeen years passing by without him. What has he missed? What did he fail to protect because of his own selfishness? The disbanding of the academy, the drugs his brothers were on, the way that a book threatened to destroy everyone, Ben’s death.

He hadn’t been there for any of it. He hadn’t protected Klaus or saved Ben or made Luther question Reginald’s choices. He never picked up Viktor’s medicine, convincing him to not use it, never tried to remind Allison how much her rumors hurt, never helped Ben control the horror.

Instead, he had left, vanished off the earth, for seventeen whole years, and since then—

Everything had fallen apart.

All of the trouble his siblings had went through. The exclusion of their seventh. The brokenness that exuded from their very souls. It all came from something, from someone, and all his life—Five had assumed it was Reginald. He had fucked them up, had hurt them beyond compare, but looking at it now, and putting the puzzle pieces together, makes Five’s eyes burn something fierce. “I didn’t do anything,” he whispers, voice cracking, “I d-didn’t m-make them f-fall apart. I didn’t.”

Reginald stares at him with that calm face of his, not an angry wrinkle to be seen. “You disappeared,” he says, “you left them for your own desires.”

His throat closes up as he tries to swallow down the lump suddenly stuck inside. “I….” Maybe, if his siblings were here, he’d be more angry, more in control, but as it stands now, he sits there, hating how easily his eyes burn and the taste of salt falls on his lips.

and, like always, Reginald does nothing but watch him cry.

#the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #five hargreeves centric #five hargreeves the boy #I blame nirby #this is your fault /j #five whump

29 notes · View notes

phoenix-rising-starbird-one · 3 months

Text

🫠

It’s been an extremely difficult day. My anxiety spiraled out of control today.

I’ve been talking with my daughter and 1400 how, despite being closer to my sister here, I feel lonelier here than I did stateside. I know that a large part of that is on me. I don’t really go out unless I have to or unless 1400 is here or I’m being asked to tag along somewhere.

But I’m also having the hardest time reintegrating here when I do try. For one, I live close to the city where my ex and I met. At every turn, I feel reminded of that and how badly it all ended.

The people here are rude, especially in FFM, and it’s hard to make new friends in general. People have their established groups. I find this to be even true with my elementary school bestie. We get along great but the mood is different when her other childhood friends are around and I can feel that I DO NOT belong.

There are other roadblocks and the fact that public departments take forever to process anything doesn’t help.

I also miss my children like crazy. I didn’t think it would be this bad but the fact that I can’t just drive down the road to see them has had me crying almost every night as of late. I feel like a huge part of my heart is missing. This isn’t just empty nest syndrome either.

I have to remind myself every day that I’m trying and trying and trying. I’m in a bare minimum survival mode, though. I get up. I shower. I work, eat, sleep. I work out. I go outside for walks. I’m trying to join groups for my hobbies. But I’m unhappy. And I’m lonely in ways that I don’t know how to fix. And doing all those things isn’t working for me.

I’ve been seriously contemplating to cut my losses and return stateside, no matter how humiliating that might feel. I have no trouble getting rid of everything I own. As long as I have my papers and some clothes, nothing else matters. I am able to go though my apartment right now and point out exactly what I’d take.

I’m also more than okay to live in a teeny tiny room if it means I get to be closer to my kids. I legitimately don’t use half my apartment when 1400 isn’t here. The only time I’m in the living room is when I work out. I’m fully aware cost of living is a major issue stateside with rent and grocery prices being out of control. I’m just not finding my place here. I DO NOT BELONG HERE. I FEEL LOST AND ALONE AND LONELY. The connection I thought I would find just simply isn’t happening. And I’m simultaneously too tired to keep trying to fit in.

10 notes · View notes

thegirlintheredchair · 2 years

Text

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Look who has emerged from the depths of her own mind to write a blog post. I haven’t written in ages. I had planned on writing “Letters to Allah” (a sort of summary of the month and what I learned) in my journal after each month but I sadly didn’t keep up. 😕

It is birthday month! (No, today is not my birthday). I’ve never liked birthdays and I’ve never celebrated them (apart from treating myself to good food, donating or planting a tree) but if anything, I use birthdays as a measure for my spiritual, mental and worldly growth.

I feel like I’ve aged 50 years since the beginning of this year and I am definitely not the same person at all. I feel like two different people tbh. (I would like to think I’ve progressed mentally and spiritually. Lol).

It has been a tumultuous year so I’m highlighting 31 lessons I’ve learned this year before turning 31. Some are constant lessons and some are new ones.. I hope this benefits you too.

Prioritise Allah over everything, especially over your desires and whims…this life is for His obedience and to gain His pleasure. In other words, the deen of Allah requires sacrifice. We are already sold… Allah has already promised us heaven granted we place Him over everything else. Yani there is nothing more beneficial to a person than seeking and possessing the pleasure of Allah. If He is pleased, He will give you contentment in all your affairs, in this life and the hereafter. Guaranteed! In short, Don’t lose sight of the akhira. Nothing in this world is promised. The reality is that there is only one reality!

Take time out to send salutations on our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) and you will be amazed by the change you’ll see in your life. I am currently not in the habit of doing this daily but I’ve experienced its benefits. My aim is usually to send salutations at least 500 times daily and countless times on a Friday. The shortest darood shareef is simply his name. I also like this one: "صلى الله علی سیدنا محمد و آله و سلم"

Lots of people need to hear this: Please take your Salah seriously! What even are you if you can’t say your five daily prayers?? It is the bare minimum. They make up less than 50 minutes of your day! You are depriving yourself of not being able to enjoy the comfort of talking to Allah. Also like how dare you abandon the one who provides for you continuously and unconditionally?? How do you intend to have a productive day when you don’t start it with Fajr? How do you intend to sleep peacefully if you don’t end your day with Isha?

DON’T.STOP.MAKING.DUA!! It took me a long time to idk internalize this? Lol. Yani I went through periods of asking for something diligently and then not asking for it at all. Because you know your hope wavers. And that’s okay but don’t stop making dua. It’s like that quote, (I forget who it’s by; I think it’s by Umar (RA)) “if He has inspired you to make dua, know that He wants to grant you what you’re asking.” Besides Allah never says no to our duas. He only has three response: “There is no Muslim who calls upon Allah, but that Allah will give him one of three answers: He will quickly fulfil his supplication, He will store it for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an evil from him similar to it.” (Musnad Aḥmad 11133). Pair your dua with tahajjud and watch miracles unfold!! ✨️ ("The dua made at tahajjud is like an arrow which does not miss its target. - Imam Ash-Shafi’")

Learn the etiquettes of making Dua (I might do a separate post on this) but for real don’t just start with what you want. I’ve been looking into this lately and this is what I’ve learned so far (briefly): Start by Praising Him. Call Him by His Greatest names. (Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Al Ahad etc).Thank Him for the countless blessings he bestows on you. Every.Single.Day. Then pour your heart out!!!! And ask. Please ask unapologetically and shamelesslesly? He is the Lord of Impossible. The Lord of Miracles. Who else even is there in your corner?? End the dua with salutations on the Prophet (ﷺ). “Du’aa’ is suspended between heaven and earth and none of it is taken up until you send blessings upon your Prophet (ﷺ)” - ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab [al-Tirmidhi (486). That being said, you can make Dua at literally any time.

Sit with the righteous. This is sooooo important. You need these circles that talk about Allah. The Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (ﷺ). The Noble Quran. These are your anchors for sanity in this world tbh. (Yes the internet lectures are good but if you have actual physical circles with real tangible people thats even better) These circles lift your imaan (much needed in todays world), keep you sane in the face of adversity; I honestly wouldn’t know how to solve or navigate my problems, if it weren’t for Islam. I am where I am today because of His religion. Its like that quote by Umar (RA) [can you tell he’s one of my favorite companions 🙃] “We were the most humiliated people on earth and God gave us honor through Islam. If we ever seek honor through anything else, God will humiliate us again.”

An attitude of Gratitude. This year has been a huge lesson in this. It made me be thankful to Him in every situation. Gratitude brings abundance, it unlocks the fullness of life. It’s the little pleasures in live (that we take for granted) a roof over our head, hot meals, the presence of parents and siblings that care and love you. A family that practices the Deen and has the same mind-set. Sunsets, the moon. Friends like family, your health, an unblocked nose. Our own existence as Muslims! (We’re from amongst the guided, imagine if we weren’t?) Just there’s far more to be thankful for than to dwell on that one problem(s) you’re facing. Gratitude needs to be our default position. This year I made a concise effort to become a person of Shukr and it has kept me anchored and has brought me back from moments where I was about to give up hope. 🥹🫶🏻

#PocketsofPeace. Sit with the Noble Quran, ponder over its meaning. Pick a surah for a year or go through random ayats. No amount of time with it will ever be enough. The Honorable Quran is like the ocean, the deeper you dive into its meaning, the more you’ll discover. Also this will build your faith. We live in end times and our resolute faith is the only thing that can save us!!! Faith is the only thing that has survived the test of time. It pivots you back to the one thing that will always remain constant in your life no matter how much the world modernizes; Allah.

Qadr Allah; Tawakkul. Every year I say I’ve internalized it and every year I struggle with it. I will say that this year this has strengthened in comparison to last year. Qadr is the sixth pillar of faith (not believing in it can take you outside of the fold of Islam). The thing with Qadr is that it is only appreciated in hindsight, or viewed in the past tense. Your way forward to navigate Qadr is through your Tawakkal in your Lord and your duas. The Prophet (ﷺ) said (on his son Ibrahims death): “The eyes are shedding tears, and the heart is grieved, and we will not say expect what pleases our Lord” (Sahih Bukhari 1303)

There is always khair in delay. “What is meant for you will reach you even if it is between two mountains. And what isn’t meant for you will not reach you even if it is between your lips” –Imam Ghazali

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not” (2:216)

Define your boundaries! especially if you're an empath. Whether it’s at home, work, university, or even friendships. You are your biggest advocate! I have to say this though that learning and knowing more about my religion has helped me become firm on setting them and not budging from them or feeling guilty about them or thinking that people will think I'm weird. Define your boundaries from the beginning so no one gets to take advantage of your empathetic nature. You can be empathetic and still say no.

The other end of the spectrum is just as shitty (excuse my French). This one is a lesson solely for me. I wish to explain this one no further.

Log out of social media once in a while! It is refreshing. There’s less noise because you are only exposed to the lives and opinions of those immediately around you (as God intended. Lol). This might not be a hot take, but we aren’t meant to hear every thought, see each other’s lives or know about people’s emotions who we will probably never see face to face.

In the same vein, be mindful of media you consume. When I took a break and came back, it just made me realize how much none of it matters??? Likewise being always on SM we are constantly receiving information. Like Too Much Information. I don’t think were supposed to crowd our brains like that. Take at least 24 hours off of social media every week. You’ll thank me later.

Peace of mind over everything. Im a big advocate for this! “When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up.” -Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ).” [al-Zuhd wal-Raqā’iq 1147]

You are on your own, you can’t rely on people to do what’s important to you. If it’s important to you, you’ll have to do it yourself. No one is going to step up. You need to show up for yourself!

Keep Husn Adh Dhan (thinking good of other people). Boy do I struggle with this one! People can be bone deep kind, loving and self-reflective but can still be selfish in certain situations. People can be well meaning, generous, sociable and easy going and still hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies. Every person is a kladeiscope and they will surprise you. (I don’t think you can ever fully know another person) You will surprise yourself too. It’s not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse either. It’s also not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. (Even though I’m still struggling) it is just a fact! I understand the concept of Husn Adh Dhan, and I’d like to think this year I’ve internalized this a little? But I have a long way to go.. May Allah help make it easy to distinguish who is gold and who is gold plated.

Privacy is power!! A quiet life is so underrated! SM and capitalism and culture has put such a significant emphasis on the definition of success as fame, being known, having an accolade of worldly accomplishments and excessive wealth. There is so much power in anonymity. Your life does not have to be a grand spectacle for others to have a worth. You don’t need that kind of validation bro! Plus it saves you from so much Ayn!

Trust your gut. Vibes and energy don’t lie. If something is off about a situation or a person. It means it is off. Intuition is God’s gift! And women have it down to a science.

Cut music out of your daily life. I swear to you, you could be doing much better stuff with your time than numbing your brain with beats. Also I feel it opens the path for you to commit other sins and just look at sinning in a different light? Do I make sense? Lol. Replace that with nasheeds or Qur’anic recitation. You’ll end up memorizing a few ayats too (or a whole surah). It’s a win!

Not everything needs a reaction. Learn to walk away. Spent your energy and your time wisely.

Make Dhikr a part of your daily routine. Your heart is your most hardworking muscle but it needs to rest too! (please, Im trying to be poetic) "Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28)

A Litmus test for choosing a spouse: the single most important decision you'll ever make as a woman is choosing the father of your children, everything else is secondary to that. If he is God-fearing and God-loving, you have a winner!

Learn the difference between people who are good in general and people who are good for you. Not everyone will understand you or has the same heart as you and that’s okay. Move on don’t keep waiting for the same effort. Some people are just meant to be acquaintances.

Pray for your parents. They put on a tough act for us. Pray for their emotional and mental well-being and that they get to see you successful in both worlds.

Respect and understanding over love. If some one claims to love you and doesn't respect you, they don't actually love you.

Reflecting on your own destructive habits and working towards fixing them is self-care. You have to work towards change; quitting that sin you keep going back to, looking at what needs to go or what needs to be added for your life to move forward. People usually assume self-care is about indulgence (self-worship) or doing whatever you want (selfish). I think it’s more about doing things that are healthy for you.

Cut out people who think you’re arguing or personally attacking them every time you try and solve an issue or express your emotions. It is draining and mentally exhausts you. If someone cannot tolerate you making an effort in communication (read ask clarifying questions) and sharing what you feel, distance yourself from them. No one is a mind reader!

Communication without comprehension is a waste. You could be sharing your most darkest, scariest vulnerabilities with a person and not be reciprocated even with words. I suffer from incomprehension sometimes (read come off as cold). I pray Allah makes me better at easing someone's suffering in whatever capacity I'm capable of.

Be quick to apologize when you know you've hurt someone. Trust me it will take nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. I personally think it helps maintain the trust in any relationship.

If you’ve read till the end, congratulations to you!🤝🏻

Theres been a lot more changes, lots of things i started doing differently that have helped me grow as a person. I like the current me, i feel like i can handle certain situations better than i wouldve last year. Its the small victories that count ✌🏻

Hope you related and benefited from some of these lessons/experiences. May Allah be pleased with us and give us a beautiful end to our lives here. Ameen. ✨️

Love, Phi 🕊

#turning 31 #31 things i learned before turning 31 #birthday month #birthday week #surreal #pagesofsilver #writing after ages #tell me which point you relate to most #still cant reply to people on tumblr #may allah be pleased with me #jazkallah khiar for reading

110 notes · View notes

raptorsaurusmelain · 6 months

Text

Let me show you... Youtube - chapter 25

No chapter until the 6th of november because of a project at work.

Warning : no proof reading, English is not my mother tongue.

If you are interested in reading this fic, the tag "#twst lmsyy" will give you all the chapters.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Victoria still bought the pillow, in hope that it will solve her sleeping problem. That man could really sell his grandmother for some grapes.

After that she talked about nothing and everything with Sam. How she used to have sleepless nights, how her phD made her a star among her peers, why did he decide to not do any long scholar diploma, was Lucius always this THICC... A little bit of everything.

-For the question, Lucius used to be thin but became a healthy chonky boi after eating too many treats.-

She also bought some colorful wool -named “Hug me tender”- and a couple of crochet. She had found a tutorial about a skull cardigan on YouTube and she decided to do it. Maybe do one for Yuu and a little one for Grim if she had enough courage and her obsession was still on. She was in full arts & craft mode. It often came with her mania and it disappeared when she felt “normal” again. She always had many hobbies when she was in mania that she abandoned when she was in depression. She just hoped she could finish her cardigan in time for Christmas. She was the type of person that thinks that Halloween is all year long and pests when Christmas ads come before Halloween.

She went to her desk, deciding to procrastinate. Crowley never looked at what she did. He didn’t even understand what she did.

She wasn’t in the mood to work. She wanted to crochet and sleep. It was really a particular state of mind, to want to sleep so much and not do it, despite all the efforts in the world. It was… Irritating. She was sleeping the bare minimum for the human body to function, but not enough for the brain to handle the memories of the day. You couldn’t manage to do anything, everything was going too fast since your brain couldn’t handle the information well. Your senses were messed up too, having hallucinations for example.

It was a sh*tty moment to live. Hard days without proper medical help. She could just hope that Crewel’s tonic and the pillow will help her. Speaking of the pillow… She put the pillow on the chair, for her back. It wasn’t meant to be used like this but it would do for the moment.

She began crocheting. From what she understood, she needed to do 116 granny square. It felt good to procrastinate.

She heard a knock on the door. She quickly hidden the yarn. “Yes ?”

Crowley entered, a little timid. “It’s about earlier, Mrs Devi…”

Victoria became annoyed. “What about it ?”

Crowley sweated a little. “Well I wanted to apologize and explain myself, since I couldn’t do it when we clashed.”

[AH!] She spoke like it was evidence. “At the same time, I didn’t want to hear your tiny violin.”

He mimicked as if an arrow struck him in the chest. “Ouch, Mrs Devi can’t you be a little more generous, like me ?”

Victoria blinked for a few seconds. A few very long seconds. “No. I am a French monsieur, I am a pitbull made to grumble.”

Crowley looked at her, jaded. She continued. “Well, Can you explain to me why you want Yuu to attend class so much ?”

Crowley inhaled. “Even if Yuu isn’t from this world, it is important to set an example. It is normal for children to have those phases, but we can’t expect Yuu to miss school at the minor inconvenience.”

The woman blinked. “A… Minor… Inconvenience ? An overblot seems more than a minor inconvenience.”

The man continued. “My point is that, even if for you it seems like a quota, it wouldn’t be possible for a non-mage to enter this school. It really is just a matter of equity. Plus Yuu doesn’t have a guardian to sign his absence note.”

She cried out. “I can just adopt them ! I am old enough to have a child. Like this my mom will stop criticizing my life choices.”

It was the raven's turn to cry out. “How are you going to do that ? You have no paper !”

There was a blank for a few seconds. “Very true… By the way, you wouldn’t know a doctor that accepts to see people without insurance or social security number ?”

Crowley looked at her, interrogative. “I can find that, yes… For when ?”

|I knew he was shady !!]. She answered with all the confidence in the world. “ASAP please, I need to sleep, else I will become more of a handful than I already am.”

Crowley nodded. “Very well… Could you give me your number so I can give you the details when I have your appointment ?”

The woman nodded. “Very well, it’s…”

When she got home, she got a text from Crowley indicating the details of the meeting, in a week from now. [He knows shady people too.] was her only thought. She was going to pay a lot of money for this appointment…

After an hour or so, she opened the windows and began to prepare the wall to be painted again. She decided to go for a more pine tree green than the original olive one. It was more ‘cute’ for her.

Yuu got downstairs at that moment. They were intrigued by her antics. “What are you doing ?”

Victoria smiled. “I am preparing the wall to be painted… Want to help ?”

The Child’s eyes sparkled. “Really ?? What can I do ?”

The woman smiled. “Grab this brush and paint the wall in long vertical then horizontal strokes.”

They grabbed the brush and began to apply her advice. It made her smile fondly. She liked this kind of atmosphere. It reminded her of when at all of her cousins' weddings where she had to animate the painting activities for the children. Such fun times.

She asked. “What did you do today, baby ?”

Without looking away from the wall, Yuu answered. “I read the manuals. There are a lot of things I don’t know here.”

She put her hand on her heart. “Oooh studious like mom- I mean, me ! You need knowledge to adapt to a new environment !”

That night she didn’t sleep much despite the tonic. She was in her bed doing crochet. It is amazing all you can do when you don’t sleep at night. She refused to look at YouTube, she knew better now. Not today blue screen, not today.

She needed to train a lot to do regular stitches. It was hard when you see badly. So doing meticulous tasks had begun to be tedious, uh ? It was going to be a long week…

A voice could be heard. “I love you.”

She knew it deep down. She had auditory hallucinations about her ex.

Tag : @boba-tea-fish @hipsterteller

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst lmsyy #twst fanfic #twst yuu #twst victoria #twst crowley

7 notes · View notes

fawnforlali · 3 months

Text

Fairy Kings & Floods: A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid

Cute. Wasn't for me—not entirely.

Meet Effy Sayre: a meek architecture student with an obsessive love for one author. Six months after the author’s death, she wins a competition to redesign his historical home, which is crumbling into the ocean. But there are secrets in this decaying place.

While uncovering them, we also uncover the secrets of Effy’s traumatic past.

Now, let’s go through some of the negatives first.

Effy is the sort of protagonist that is unsure, passive, whose actions tend to be self-destructive. She is seen as nothing more than a “pretty face”—a temptress to every man she meets in the book. Given her past, I understand why she is this way, but that didn’t make me any less irked than I am now. I’m not criticizing other characters written this way, or people who do act like this in real life. I know that—and I absolutely saw myself in her character too (you can’t tell me she wouldn’t be practicing her Starbucks order since she got in line). I just wish that Ava Reid wrote Effy in a way that was less monotonous and one dimensional, especially after going through all that trouble into making her a real person.

Mysteries are supposed to conduct the reader, give them enough information about the problem to catalogue and sort through as they read and trick them into thinking they solved it. That is, until the story drops the final piece and you’re left dumfounded. This book really didn’t have that classic mystery quality to it since I was able to pick just about everything up long before they concluded anything.

This one was such a bother. I noticed the pervasive use of similes only a chapter or two in this book, and once I did, it became so distracting.

And the positives...?

As a teenage girl often too deep in her own fantasies, the romance in this book kept me fed. Especially the end of chapter eleven (p.234) for those of you who have already read it. Had me giggling like a lunatic.

This book deals with the extreme misogyny that is the reality for women in this world, and I can see why reading it can be therapeutic for many of the girls out there. Ava Reid chose an important message to convey through her writing but unfortunately, I just wasn’t feeling it. I could go on about how a good part of the book was a shallow dissection of profoundly serious themes, but I don’t want my negativity to seep through onto what is supposed to be the ‘pro’s’ section of this book review.

Angharad, oh, Angharad. Let’s take a step back into Effy’s character and how she’s obsessed with this dead author—Angharad being the title of the book she holds more love for in her heart than for herself. I totally understand why that is. I loved the little snippets of Angharad we got at the beginning of most chapters and—quite honestly—I wish Ava Reid could publish it for reals. All I got were the tiniest of passages and paragraphs and I’m already infatuated with a book that doesn’t even exist.

One thing you must know about me as a reader, I fall in love with every book I read to some extent. I become a point-blank fanatic if the book is really that amazing, which is why I have to wait for my excitement to die down before I ever give a book a rating. First impression and second impression, as I call it. For my first impression, I gave this book a 4.5 (out of 5 stars), which is quite good. Though after truly giving it some thought, I diminished it down to a 3.25.

I believe it had everything a book should have, but it never quite exceeded the lines of bare minimum. A Study in Drowning was a palate cleanser to me—nothing ground-breaking, but left turning page after page anyway. Maybe I had just been expecting too much from this book, but overall, I found the story bloated with superfluous trends and tropes that detracted from what could’ve made it a very rich, needed story.

If you were planning on reading A Study in Drowning, please don’t let this discourage you in any way. I’m just some kid on the internet with no judging credentials whatsoever, so please don’t get too mad either.

3 notes · View notes

starhvney · 1 month

Text

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | you can find the masterlist here!

hi! if you want to make a request, here’s what you should know.

before we get into specifics, just a quick side note for you!

please don’t hold back out of shyness or nervousness if you want to message me! i’m pretty anxious, especially when it comes to talking with strangers on the internet (usually it seems to be the opposite for a lot of people). just know that i won’t bite if you want to even message me hi or tell me something random! if i don’t understand your prompt, i’ll direct message you for clarification. the only time i won’t respond is if you’re being rude, you spam me, or the request goes against my “guidelines” for what i write. i will just ignore you.

𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐈 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑?

i will write both platonically and romantically for the men, and just platonically for the women! this applies to any of the characters in the mystreet or diaries universe. if there’s a character i don’t know well, i’ll still try my best to write them for you!

i will try to keep most characters in character, however some aspects might be rewritten to make them less… goofy or problematic?

a few examples:

i think garroth in the mystreet series going from smooth and suave to loosening up and becoming more loving and cheery was a cute development. however, turning him into a complete himbo idiot was a complete crime in my opinion.

i’ll write “kawaii~chan” as nana ashida. while her character arc of acting cute to stand out is really good, the name “kawaii~chan” is… well. you know.

another broader example is the whole aphmau can’t have a normal platonic relationship without the character falling in love with her deal…just no. and the potato nickname…

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐈 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄?

i will write in both the mystreet universe and the diaries universe. i know there were other spin-offs and series on aphmau’s channel, but i never watched them, so i can’t write for those. sorry!

i’ll write headcannons, fluff, hurt/comfort, spice, and angst. just know that when it comes to angst i don’t like to torture myself anymore than life already does, so it won’t be written without a happy ending or a hopeful open ending.

i might be open to writing nsfw, but if you’re young please don’t make that kind of request to me! it will make me uncomfortable. i can try and tell you not to read it too, but i know i obviously can’t stop you. i also read smut when i was fifteen. what i will say is that when it comes to that sort of thing, be very careful of who you talk to on the internet and what you’re reading! you can’t unread or unsee what you expose yourself to, and innocence is a precious thing. you should protect the peace that comes with it and don’t feel pressured to destroy it just because everyone else does. the internet can be a dangerous place. that being said i am a twenty year old woman writing fanfics about minecraft on tumblr, but i hope you take my advice seriously.

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄.

• gore. i don’t mean i won’t write about major injuries or violence, but explicit and over the top stuff in detail is too much for me.

• nonc*n. i find it very odd, and do not condone anyone reading or writing it. i may write antagonists who threaten it, but no character in my works or the ‘reader’ will experience it.

• anything inappropriate that has to do with minors or family members. same thing. if you’re into that you’re sick in the head and need help. i won’t hold back on saying that. it’s not normal or natural and it is most certainly not attractive.

• i won’t entertain any kind of gross or dark fetishes. period.

• obviously i also won’t write hateful things about any group or type of person, but i find it unnecessary to even say that, as it’s a given and the bare minimum standard everyone should have as a person.

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓?

honestly, it doesn’t matter to me. you can request anything from the character and the genre you want or a full on prompt/scenario you want me to elaborate on! just be patient on my responses, as i’m sadly an adult with responsibilities.

the only thing that i ask is that you don't spam me with a bunch of vague prompts all at once! i don't mind someone who has requested before making more requests later on, but spamming me "write for this character." and "write for this character romantically even though you said you don't write romantically for them." within seconds of each other is really not cool. remember i'm a person and not a bot who fulfills your requests!

#requests #asks #aphmau #mystreet #minecraft diaries #x reader #mcd x reader #mystreet x reader

6 notes · View notes

bamf-jaskier · 2 years

Text

Rick Riordan just released a Statement on the casting of Leah Jeffries, a black actress, as Annabeth Chase, a character traditionally scene as a blond white girl. I recommend reading the full statement here.

A few parts really stood out to me, this first part where Rick Riordan is making it clear these are not only his thoughts but also that Disney has yet to release a statement (they fucking should!!)

First, let me be clear I am speaking here only for myself. These thoughts are mine alone. They do not necessarily reflect or represent the opinions of any part of Disney, the TV show, the production team, or the Jeffries family.

This next part is so true because I feel like conspiracy theorists always try and claim some big bad is forcing their ✨ fav ✨ creator to support diversity.

You have decided that I couldn’t possibly mean what I have always said: That the true nature of the character lies in their personality. You feel I must have been coerced, brainwashed, bribed, threatened, whatever, or I as a white male author never would have chosen a Black actor for the part of this canonically white girl.

This part near the end to me really hit home because it’s talking about how you can’t even genuinely engage with the media you are claiming to protect if you are a racist dick towards the casting.

The core message of Percy Jackson has always been that difference is strength. There is power in plurality. The things that distinguish us from one another are often our marks of individual greatness. You should never judge someone by how well they fit your preconceived notions. That neurodivergent kid who has failed out of six schools, for instance, may well be the son of Poseidon. Anyone can be a hero.

If you don’t get that, if you’re still upset about the casting of this marvelous trio, then it doesn’t matter how many times you have read the books. You didn’t learn anything from them.

This is the bare minimum standard that creators of a piece of media should be setting in regards to standing up against the blatant racism that actors of color face, particularly when cast in roles people perceive as white.

We see across the board that anytime an actor of color, but in particular black female actresses, are cast in a role that is traditionally white there is massive backlash and racism. We saw this with Zendaya as MJ in Spider-Man, Anna Diop as Starfire, Halle Bailey as Ariel, and even with Catwoman despite 3 black women - Halle Berry, Eartha Kitt, and Zoë Kravitz having played her over the years. The Witcher fandom got a sampling of this too with the casting for Mistle with Christelle Elwin.

Racism in fandom will always exist. It’s important for creators to stand against it. And it’s important for fans to stand against it. Boost up creators and characters of color and drown out the hatred. It takes collective action to make fandom a safe space but together we can do it.

#disappointed but not surprised annabeth’s actress is getting harassed #fandom racism #Percy Jackson #pjo #Rick Riordan #myposts

95 notes · View notes

libra-stellium · 1 year

Text

Saturn in the 1H - personal observation

“I raised myself!!” - college me to my aunt after I had moved out lol I lived with her from 6-12th grade and I live in Haiti with my mom before that

When I said that I was responding to her trying to tell me what to do as if she knew better than I did and I KNEW she did not

Looking back I don’t have memories of either my mom or my aunt raising me apart from them just doing the bare minimum like housing, feeding and clothing me. It’s not like they didn’t provide anything else like games but things like morals and values?? I feel like I gave myself those based on what I didn’t like in them. I always clashed so much them both and still do.

I’m 27 now and for the last few years it has honestly felt like I am raising two children and teaching them about the world and it’s a mindfuck bc ????? I’m not even past my saturn return and hadn’t even started it back then but I’m the one who’s been like “you can’t treat people like that it’s not nice” “you should take accountability for your actions” “you should feel supported by your job not burnt out every day” “find things you like to do to make your life fulfilling” idek man but I didn’t get any of that! I got “be obedient” “go to church” “listen to adults” and I did none of that unless I was getting something out of it.

I came to live with my aunt a couple months after my 11th birthday aka my first 1H profection year (well as a conscious person lol) and my aunt never had children so she had no idea what to do or say to me so I was responsible for myself 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even though I didn’t speak English fluently in the first year no one checked my homework! And I ended up doing well in school so from that point on until I graduated law school I never had anyone look over my work before I submitted and I rarely even looked over my own work before submitting. Kinda just saw myself as my own authority

Definitely led to a lot of hyper independence!! But only in things that I deem personal or my personal responsibility. I have no problem asking for help or accepting it at work when they ask me to do something or asking for help if I have to like put my bag up in the plane 😂 but if I’m struggling to keep up with chores? I can literally get angry sometimes like leave my shit alone!! I will do it when I do it!! And it’s like is it really that serious?? Is someone washing these dishes that serious? Absolutely bc are you implying that I’m not on top of every single facet of my life? How dare you! 😭😂

Now that I’m in my saturn return regular things feel so HEAVY and rn I’m just pretending that I don’t know what I need to do 🙂

Anyone else feel the same or have similar stories?

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #libra stellium #pisces rising #8h stellium #saturn return #saturn in pisces #saturn in the 1st house #hyper independence

9 notes · View notes

winns-stuff · 2 years

Text

LO RANT:

Okay, I’m sorry but I wanna say this just to say it because if I don’t it’ll be on my mind all night. It’s more or less a question sorta rant so it won’t be anything too extreme like the others but yeah. My question is can we actually call Hades a morally grey character? Like in his case is that really what we should call him? Let me explain.

Basically I’ve been thinking about it a lot because me personally, I enjoy making morally grey characters. I have a whole set of characters who are neither good or bad people mostly because I feel like it’s more therapeutic for me. To be able to create characters going through similar experiences as I do/did while also having them show me the good and bad side of my personality makes me really reflect on myself and really show me how far I’ve come. I don’t know it’s kind of like an out of body experience for me, but moving away from that I came to this question because I wanted to give Hades the benefit of a doubt one day and say that maybe he’s just a morally grey character. But I really can’t see myself categorizing him as that because of his actions and overall personality and here’s why.

The whole point of morally grey characters for me is basically characters who have a balance, like that’s the whole point of morally grey characters. Characters who aren’t good or bad but rather neutral in a sense and honestly I don’t see that with Hades. He doesn’t do many good things for people unless they’re connected to Persephone in a way and naturally throws tantrums and other things. Listen I know the guy has trauma and shit so sometimes he has defense mechanisms and shit but I don’t like that that’s the excuse, let’s be fair y’all if anyone else acted like how Hades acts no one would be defending them. Exactly what happened with Zeus and them, they had their backstories showed and not many people excused them for their behavior so let’s stop doing that with Hades when he makes it his mission to make everyone’s day terrible.

But yeah, I don’t think he’s the worst person in the world or anything but he definitely isn’t the best in the slightest, all of the good he’s done for others has been the bare minimum and he has to be one of the most underdeveloped characters in the comic. I’m not saying that I hate the whole “I love my wife” energy or anything (in this case I do.. very much) because when done right I actually really enjoy it. For example I am a huge huge admirer of Morticia and Gomez’s relationship and I appreciate and love the appeal of Gomez’ devotion and genuine love for his wife, the difference between how Hades does it in comparison to how Gomez does is that his dialogue about his wife is so natural and genuine it’s like love and respect in its purest form, when he says he loves his wife you know it’s something true and it’s not something that’s not too extreme and not too lacking. It’s a balance and they don’t go overboard with either, I also love how even though his world revolves around Morticia he’s still his own person with hobbies and other interests including her, when you look into Gomez you don’t just see Morticia you see him as an individual. That’s what Hades’ character is missing, it gets old when every little thought is Persephone and every single thing he says is related to Persephone as well, it’s also sad that besides Persephone’s “love” there’s no real growth or anything there’s nothing there for Hades’ character except being Persephone’s other half.

That’s why their dynamic is just so insufferable, they need to overcompensate this idea that they’re in love so much but won’t really show us small little details and such. Take them on a date or something, make them have an actual connection that isn’t just staring at each other’s bodies more, there’s been times where they both had some special moments but they all get overshadowed by this lust for one another. Also unlike Gomez and Morticia none of their love is genuine or natural, it feels forced.. It doesn’t actually feel like Hades loves Persephone just because he believes he is, it feels more like he needs Persephone in his life to function. Like not as a partner but as a crutch, like if he doesn’t have her or talk about her he’ll crumble and fall apart. Which makes sense since like I said earlier his whole character surrounds itself around her and her only, but that’s not love and it’s not what it’s supposed to be about. Obsession does not equal love and if you need your lover that badly then you’re gonna need some time for yourself and by yourself to get down to the root of why you feel so dependent on your partner.

But anyways that’s the end of the rant, I saw the few explanations about the new episodes and I agree with everyone saying that Hades doesn’t see Persephone as capable because it’s true, she’s eaten the pomegranate and everything you’d think she’d have some sort of authority now but Hades doesn’t want her interacting with the kingdom unless it’s all peachy keen. Basically if the kingdom isn’t easy enough to run Hades will literally lie to Persephone and let her sit around and handle the important things. I find it really funny how we’re supposed to believe that they’re now progressing in their relationship when one of them doesn’t even trust the other with very big decisions that’ll effect them both. Like the old saying goes, “if there’s no trust there’s no relationship” and there’s no real foundation for those two just lust and compliments. But also I hate how Demeter got demonized for treating Persephone like a child but Hades does that every episode even treating her like that in the presence of her peers, like is that not embarrassing for her? Why is she okay with her literal partner not seeing her as an actual adult when it comes to doing adult things but she crosses the line when her mom does the same thing. That’s pretty inconsistent character writing there, and I just hope more people will hold Hades accountable I’m so tired of people blindly praising him for every little thing and insulting other characters for doing the same things. But anyways, just like I say every rant this was meaningless and should not be used as fact or fuel to berate and insult LO fans, that’s not what I made this page for it’s literally just so I can write down whatever I want so it should never be taken seriously, these are all my thoughts and opinions and if you agree or disagree is both fine with me.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo hades

26 notes · View notes