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regionalpancake · 2 years

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Picard Season 2, Episode 10: Trailer Breakdown

(And also very probably my breakdown also)

⚠️ Spoilers ahead ⚠️

In this post I’ve added trailer dialogue in bold/italic/inset - because the choice of lines, over certain characters, is making me Sweat.

Rios: Do you think we’re on the path to the right future? Picard: I’m not certain.

Crash zoom on the rocket, because this season was about ensuring Renee Picard is on the rocket launch, remember? Or did you forget that because of the FBI plot, and the Borg plot, and the Soong Legacy™️ plot, and the (checks notes) victorian-mother-hysteria plot?

Seven: He’s going to use the drones to take out the rocket!

Ah good! Something we’ve not heard of at all this season is now key to episode 10. Excellent storytelling guys. Juice and orange slices all round.

Can someone please explain to me WHY Arik Soong, Altan Inigo Soong, Noonian Soong, Adam Soong has military drones in his basement, hidden behind a retractable secret wall? I am clinging to ‘mad eugenicist’ but this is quickly veering towards Bond villain.

Raffi: I can’t stop them-

(me @ the writers)

And wooosh! Off go the drones. This better be a set up for La Sirena shooting them down. If the last we ever saw of La Sirena was Queen!Jurati flying her off into the sunset then I will be mad.

Picard: There’s been so much loss.

Imagine a season where we cared about Renee Picard. Where we knew something about her. Where she wasn’t (like Picard’s mother) a traumatised woman with no other character traits, who is only there to further Picard’s plot line. (I’m not salty, at all)

Picard: So much death.

Optimist me: Oh, combining Picard’s “So much death” dialogue with this shot of Raffi and Rios hugging, is to reference the death of Elnor (I cannot BELIEVE that is the optimistic version)

Pessimist me: They BETTER NOT KILL RIOS OR RAFFI

Realist me: This is the Goodbye-I’m-Going-To-Stay-In-The-Past Hug, isn’t it?

Pretty sure this is a Stargazer explosion based on the curve of the console in this similar shot of a different extra getting blown up in episode one:

(Don’t stand near these things, not OSHA approved)

Not sure if that shot’s there to tie in with the “so much death” line, or that we’re going back to the Stargazer or-

Tallinn: Other people’s lives aren’t up to you

I mean - he’s (checks notes) apparently back in Starfleet so yeah, some people’s lives ARE up to him to a small extent, though I think this in supposed to be referring to the...

Tallinn: their deaths aren’t your fault.

...victorian-mother hysteria plot (my belothed)

Soong: “ok, but THIS death will be my fault, let’s go plotline”

Q: Humans.

(deep breath)

LOOK. I know I’m meant to be ecstatic about this. I know I have spent the last TWO YEARS obsessing about this. I have written more than 100k words on AO3 about this. BUT Season 2 has made me suspicious and salty and I’m not counting my chickens until their Alpha Canon SO, this will remain an Almost-Kiss in my books until I see it in the episode AND I am still so mad that so much of their relationship has been designed to fly under the Straight Gaze, and stay in the realm of ✨gal pals✨

Us wlw shippers are so utterly used to working with nothing that crumbs do often feel like a feast, but I have watched this show with casual fans and The Straights™️ (who have obviously not listened to No Man’s Land, and who have no recollection of a 2 second shot of a hand hold two years ago) and those people have been reading this pairing as Very Close Friends. To me that is a clear failure of writing, or a deliberate choice, or both. If we can have Rios pretty unambiguously fall for someone he’s known for 48 hours, then we should be able to have that same certainty with Raffi and Seven. And up until this shot we haven’t, and I’m mad about it.

Q: Your pains-

I’m really hoping they do something interesting with Kore, but my hopes aren’t high.

Why we couldn’t just have had Soji I do not know. As the inimitable @curator-on-ao3 pointed out, we’ve seen Isa Briones discover she was ‘made not born’ THREE SEPARATE TIMES as THREE SEPARATE CHARACTERS, but we’ve yet to have any time for her character to explore what that means to Dahj/Soji/Kore as a person.

The ‘your-past-is-a-lie gaslighting/ trauma-as-character-development’ is getting real old, real fast. Data got to explore his humanity through painting, writing poetry, playing the violin, and forming close and meaningful friendships with his found family on the Enterprise. All we have for Isa Briones characters is the ‘turns out you’re not human’ punchline over, and over, and over again.

Q: -fix you-

Me: I will not read too much into a shot of Cris over the line “Your pains fix you to moments in the past”, and will continue to assume that Rios will be in Season 3. Also me: I WILL assume they’re leaving Rios in the past. I will read into the fact that episode 10 is called ‘Farewell’, I will assume he won’t be in Season 3, and I will mourn everything that wasn’t done with this brilliant, brilliant character.

Q: -to moments-

Fuck these jars of Soong-juice, or whatever.

Q: -in the past.

Please add ‘Maya Orlando’ to the this-isn’t-Laris list.

Oh look, it’s me watching Season 2.

Q: I have one last surprise in store.

Please, PLEASE let it be a retcon of this whole mess. Or they kiss, I guess.

Oh no, I sure hope nothing happens to this plot point that I care Very Deeply about.

IMAGINE if we had got to watch a season of these three getting involved in HIJINKS on La Sirena (plots from a brighter timeline)

Huh. Well shit. At least the QCard lot might be somewhat happy about this season (because I’m not)

Honestly, at this point I just want it to be over. Which is sad. Because this show means so much to me. But If I had put every bad plot idea I could think of in a bingo roller, and picked them out one at a time, I MIGHT have ended up with a better season than this.

Sorry about the salt. (PLEASE pass the tequila)

#picard season 2 spoilers #spoilers #regionalpancakewrites #long post #cristobal rios #seven of nine #raffi musiker #saffi #tallinn #jean-luc picard #renee picard #adam soong #kore soong #star trek q #blood #alcohol #tw blood #tw alcohol #I usually don't rant like this but MY GOD I am mad

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psychonautiek · 2 years

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Fear

July 27 2020

Cannabis (Half Joint: strain and concentration unknown)

Weed typically wouldn’t warrant an entry for itself in this log. It’s weed. But this time was different than any other experience I’ve ever had on the good green stuff.

I had invited 25 over to hang out for a bit in the evening. This is a pretty typical thing we would do back in the day, though he tends to be far less eager to do so these days. So it was nice ti see him agree to come out again for once.

When I think back on it, we did not co very much before smoking up together. He had brought over a pre-rolled joint he had purchased from the shop on his way over. I am still unsure as to what strain or properties contained within this joint, so it qualifies as “mystery weed” in my books.

We passed it back and forth for about 5-10 minutes or so, I’d say, taking approximately half each. I have a fairly low tolerance when it comes to cannabis, so I likely had a bit less than half. I sure felt it though, and I felt it a lot.

Shortly after he had completely demolished this thing, we set out for a walk through the neighbourhood. It must have been easily after 10 by the time we set out. It was nearly if not completely dark out when we left the house and it certainly was pitch black when we returned.

I felt mildly dizzy and physically unstable essentially the entire time we were out, which really isn’t unusual isn’t eh slightest. We spent the majority of our time out there making conversation over a variety of topics which I have no recollection of whatsoever. We were only out for about an hour I think, an hour and a half at max.

Just as we were opening the gate to the front yard upon our return, an unfamiliar woman stumbled onto the sidewalk from behind the neighbours truck, using the vehicle to support herself. She asked us for help and said she believed she had broken a rib or two and was in need of a cab ride (back) to the hospital.

We were both incredibly high at this point, or at least I still was. 25 maintained conversation with the woman regarding the situation at hand while I fumbled with my phone trying to find google chrome on the phone application in attempt to retrieve the non-emergency number. Unsurprisingly, this did not work out.

He seemed to sober up rather suddenly meanwhile I was feeling even higher and more lost than before. He snatched my phone from my hands and called 911 after noticing her condition deteriorating. I couldn’t help but stand there and feel bad and worried. I came to a sort of epiphany that night while he was on the phone with EMS. Fear and anxiety are forces that plague my existence and consistently I allow them to hold me back from doing whatever it is that I want or need to do. I wanted to leave the job I hated, I wanted to move to a different city, I wanted to go back to school and into a field I actually cared about, but I always feared things just wouldn’t work out, so I allowed myself to remain miserable for the sake of the familiar and the secure. I wanted to part ways from 25 for the person he was evolving into was becoming increasingly unhealthy for me to remain involved with in my own life. I had felt this way for over a year by this point and I was incredibly afraid of the mistake that may turn out to be and the regret that would surely follow if that in fact turned out to be the case. So I instead remained in this parasitic decaying wreck of a friendship.

I spent a good while lost in my own thoughts while chaos mildly set in around me. I was in bi way in the position to be able to deal with what was happening in the moment. Over the next half hour, the woman’s condition rapidly deteriorated and there wasn’t a thing I could do in the state I was in. Had my friend at the time not been there I’m not sure if I would have been able to help her in his place. I firmly believe he is the reason she survived that evening.

#420 #trip report #bad trip?#swed #cannabisculture #bad friends

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shijiujun · 3 years

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I don’t think anyone needs me to do a why-you-should-read for 2ha because I’m late af to the party, but no danmei rec is complete this year without 2ha and shizun and mo ran! I have feels okay, a lot of them!!!! Like?!! CHU WANNING?!!! So ethereal and gorgeous and deserves everything in the world, and also a shrine in my room dedicated to the beauty and grace and power that is shizun.

So here’s me trying to summarize and also delve into specific parts of 2ha as much as I can, although because I’m new to the fandom I’d say don’t take my word for it entirely XD It’s just Hao Yi XIng (Immortality) is coming out soon and we’re all gonna lost our shit, and it’s cool to have read the novel before the show comes out. This will be the first of... five parts I think to a full 2ha post, but no worries, I won’t like vomit em all out in the first week of January.

We can all agree on a shizun shrine though. Right? RIGHT?!!

Anyway with this one I’ve basically done 10 recs before 2021 approaches, so here’s the compilation:

Enter 2021 with these Danmei Novels (with full descriptions + links)!

- Part of Min’s ‘Why You Should Read’ Series -

Summary:

Emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian-jun (also known as Mo Ran or Mo Weiyu) has basically committed every sin there is and has at the point right before his death, slaughtered and killed innumerable people. The novel starts with Taxian-jun’s death as he kills himself, tired and weary of the world especially after his shizun, Chu Wanning died. He wakes up in his teenage body, in the first year he became a disciple, and decides that he has a chance to redo everything - to keep the love of his life, Shi Mei, from dying and to ensure that his cruel and hateful shizun, Chu Wanning, will not get the chance to let Shi Mei die again.

As his teenage, young self, however, as much as Mo Ran hates and resents CWN, he recalls all the times he spent with CWN in his previous life, where he made him his consort after stripping away all his cultivation and powers, wanting to punish him for not saving Shi Mei by keeping him at his side in that position. He lusts after CWN in this present timeline, remembering all the times they were in bed together, but is also conflicted about his shizun because on one hand, he hates him, but on the other hand, he can’t help but keep noticing shizun and paying attention to what he does.

As he goes through the same events that he experienced in his first life as a disciple, Mo Ran continues to hate CWN but begins to see his actions in different light. He always thought that CWN thought him to be inferior, and that CWN was a pretentious, arrogant asshole, but as he goes through these same events with different changes (for example, he recalled sitting out of his very first mission with CWN and Shi Mei, but found himself actively involved, working together with his shizun in this present life), the time spent together allows him to better understand CWN’s actions now and also back then in their previous life when he was still a disciple.

CWN on the other hand, despite how he supposedly treats Mo Ran, actually dotes on and is very fond of Mo Ran (this was the case in the previous life, not that he has any recollection of that, and also in this life). He thinks that he is not good-looking and is undeserving of attention, concern and love, and so only knows how to quietly give and makes sacrifices without asking for anything in return. He knows that Mo Ran likes Shi Mei, and is both depressed and angry about that on his own.

As Mo Ran gets to know CWN all over again (and also hurting him here and there in the process), they reach the fated battle where CWN let Shi Mei die (in the previous life) in this life, and desperate still to keep Shi Mei from dying, he replaces Shi Mei’s role in the battle and nearly dies himself.

From then on, truths are revealed about both the previous and current timeline, and Mo Ran has to chase and woo his shizun back, all the while trying to figure out what is the mysterious force that sent him back in time to his current timeline and what danger lies ahead for him and CWN as they try to basically save the cultivation world from destruction.

- Timelines:

0.5 refers to Taxian-Jun and Chu Wanning as Chu Fei (Consort Chu)

1.0 refers to Mo Ran as a teenager and Chu Wanning before the events of THAT battle

2.0 is when Mo Ran becomes Mo-zongshi and the Chu Wanning then as they date properly, fall in love, all the UST etc. hahahaha

- Chapters where everyone will warn you to prepare yourself for:

278-280, and no one can tell me otherwise

*This is also a highly contentious danmei novel, some for good reason, most of the times for dumb reasons. Do see the trigger warnings here on the sort-of official 2ha carrd, but also do read my thoughts/disclaimers at the bottom of the post.

*There are also some spoilers below, but none that’s really significant. However, just in case, do skip!

Read:

Novel (Online) | Novel (Print) - Pirated, Uncensored Version + Official Vol. 1 Dec 2020 Print (Censored) + Official English Print on 7S | Novel Translations | Fan Audio Drama | Manhua

*Normally I wouldn’t put any pirated version links, but this current one is the only one that has a proper print and the extras and notes are really hard to find even online, but this pirated version has compiled everything, no section is missing. But of course please do support the original versions, both online on JJWXC and the physical prints

Watch:

Hao Yi Xing (Immortality) - Slated for Spring 2021 release (TBA) | 50 episodes

Last I heard, they were supposed to be cleared for a Feb/Mar launch this month, but the review told them to make some adjustments so it’s likely to be delayed

I mean, for good reason, because there is NO WAY you can run platonic for the live-action based on the story, and the production itself has also reassured fans that they would be doing the novel justice (and from leaks, this does seem to be the case and damn, there’s NO WAY you can go pure platonic on this one, even bromance is far-fetched)

Luo Yunxi is a god among peasants, and Chen Feiyu is cute af

Some details are definitely being changed, for e.g. CWN obviously can’t be a Consort, so he’s been relegated to the Zither Player role (but if I’m not wrong the role itself like traditionally is also half euphemism for someone who sleeps with the Emperor as well)

2.0 Mo Ran - 1.0 Chu Wanning - 2.0 Chu Wanning

1.0 Mo Ran - 0.5 Chu Wanning - 0.5 Mo Ran

Characters:

1. 墨燃 Mo Ran - His courtesy name is 墨微雨 Mo Weiyu and in the 0.5 version he called himself 踏仙君 Taxian-jun, which literally means a king who steps on deities/cultivators (fitting, since he slaughtered a lot of them). Initially, Mo Ran actually chose CWN as his shizun because he was the best-looking, and that was possibly one of the only times someone actually chose CWN voluntarily, and for that he always had a special place in CWN’s heart.

As Taxian-jun (0.5) he forced CWN to marry him after stripping him of his powers and cultivation, imprisoned him for basically 8 years in the palace. He kills himself a little after CWN’s death, and then wakes up as CWN’s disciple again as a young teenager. He’s the last of CWN’s three disciples, and has a big, warm and kind heart. He also obviously was very fond of his shizun before things went spiralling out of control for various reasons that will smack you in the face after you finish 311 chapters.

He’s very intelligent, having actually mastered two of the three forbidden spells of the cultivation world in the 0.5 timeline. In the 1.0 timeline, he’s obviously still pretty talented/gifted for a disciple. In his past life, his chosen weapon was a sword called Bu Gui, and then in the present 1.0 timeline, he was given a whip that is connected to CWN’s whip (i.e. they were made from the same tree and were actually one full piece together before they broke into two). He accidentally names the whip “Jian Gui”, and everyone facepalms at that.

After he and CWN get past like....some of their misunderstandings (about maybe 70%, not that they knew it then), Mo Ran becomes full on devoted to his shizun, only has eyes for his shizun, totally clear that he perhaps liked Shi Mei, but never as much as he loves shizun, which is pretty amazing.

As Mo-zongshi (2.0), he’s super ripped, and CWN totally thirsts after him too XD

Has a really sad past that will only be revealed much later, and in the present timeline he is very much doted on by his uncle and auntie, who are Xue Meng’s parents.

2. 楚晚宁 Chu Wanning - WHERE DO I EVEN START. Talented, legendary gifted cultivator with not one but THREE weapons, in which the one he uses the most is Tian Wen, the whip. He doesn’t usually use Jiu Ge, the zither weapon, or his sword, Huai Sha, unless absolutely necessary. Also called 玉衡 as a title (晚夜玉衡 in full i.e. Yu Heng of the Night Sky), and in their sect, he’s referred to as Elder Yu Heng (玉衡长老).

Art picked by bookstores from various artists for the official print:

He has a really bad temper and takes no bullshit, and despite being really handsome, his self-esteem is down in the gutters - he thinks he’s not worthy of love and attention, and I recall in the first arc he always thought “who would love someone like me”. Because he’s so fearsome, other disciples don’t dare to talk to him or go near him, and he always eats alone, tends to his own wounds alone and basically does everything alone. No one cares about whether he’s eaten, if he’s hurt or not, etc.

They’ve basically placed him on such a high pedestal that they forget that he’s just a person too. His bad temper also comes out usually when disciples think they can joke around with him or tease him etc. Everyone covets him in a sense that all sects want him to join them, and everyone knows him. He just takes no shit and kicks ass all the time.

Fond of Mo Ran (not romantically) when he first chooses him as his shizun when he is much younger. His romantic feelings for Mo Ran develop later, but he was first drawn to Mo Ran simply because he could feel how warm and kind Mo Ran’s soul was, and basically how he brightened up his life by not being afraid of him etc.

He does a lot of things for Mo Ran silently without him knowing, and lets Mo Ran misunderstand him on multiple occasions, knowing that even if he cleared things up, it wouldn’t change how much Mo Ran likes Shi Mei.

After the events of that single battle, in the 2.0 timeline, it’s CWN’s turn to be slightly oblivious as Mo Ran tries to care for him and woo him and let him know that he’s loved, but once they get past that, it’s so much love istg it makes you believe in love and weep all at the same time.

3. 师眛 Shi Mei - Beautiful gorgeous Shi Mei who is Mo Ran’s love and who he is fighting to keep alive in the 1.0 timeline. Shi Mei’s cultivation is in the direction of healing, and thus the way he trains is different from how the rest of them trains. He’s very respectful and considerate to his shizun, and is also the person Mo Ran thinks treats him the best. Mo Ran loves his special spicy wontons as well ;-;

4. 薛蒙 Xue Meng - Mo Ran’s younger cousin who in the 0.5 timeline hates him for taking shizun away and for killing his parents. In 1.0, he just detests Mo Ran and calls him a dog all the time. He’s been spoilt as the only child of his parents, and is also expected to take over the sect one day from his father. This gives him a bit of a complex XD He’s considered a little brash and impulsive, and definitely a little narcissistic as he thinks he’s the best looking so far, but he’s pretty much kind underneath all the preening. Has a huge sense of justice, and all he cares about are the people closest to him and his family. He also worships shizun a lot and always wants his attention, which shizun will give depending on the situation.

5. 梅寒雪／梅含雪 Mei Han Xue & Mei Han Xue - This ain’t a typo hahaha these two brothers’ names are pronounced exactly the same but the character for ‘Han’ is different. One of them is flamboyant and a playboy, another is a little stoic and serious, with the latter always cleaning up after the former while the former breaks the hearts of women all over the region. They don’t feature very prominently in the first arc and come out more in 2.0 onwards, but it’s good to note that the both of them are possibly Xue Meng’s closest friends in both the 0.5 and 2.0 timelines, and after.

My Favourite Arcs & Moments:

The 1.0 arc is the most fun, I have to say - The plot isn’t as complicated yet then, and all you have is Mo Ran being his rebellious, horny teenager self going against shizun and also being confused by how much he wants shizun etc.

Xia Sini arc - There’s the arc where CWN becomes a kid version of himself in size due to injuries where he’s called Xia Sini, and masquerades as a junior in the sect while he’s in that form - He also forms a bond with Mo Ran in that form, as Mo Ran seems to take a liking to this cute younger junior who acts like an adult

Hell arc - I will not give any spoilers but damn it was both hilarious and also my heart died at the same time

Farming arc - Everyone who has read 2ha knows of farming arc in 2.0 timeline, because we get two idiots thirsting quite obviously for each other, and also Mo Ran half naked all the time while shizun not quite deciding whether he wants to cover him up or stare at him for longer

The huge reveal arc - This one ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and then went for my eyes because I was crying so hard and for two days straight. The painful and devastating part is when Meatbun FINALLY links all the missing parts together and connects all the arcs and you’re literally slapped in the face with new revelations and a totally new understanding of what happened in 0.5 and 1.0 and then you wanna slap yourself too because now you’ve done it, you’re in this fandom, you’re in this black hole and your heart and brain and soul hurt

------------

In terms of moments, I frickin died at the part where 1.0 Mo Ran first gets his whip and there’s a rule where whatever you say after you hold onto the weapon has to be the weapon’s name - And because I think Mo Ran trips or something, he said “Ah shit!” = “啊，见鬼” - And he inadvertently named his whip the equivalent of damn it/shit/crap basically, while everyone including shizun was like “damn it you stupid dog”

1.0 Shizun getting flashbacks from 0.5 and thinking that it’s just because he’s too horny and sinful and that’s why he’s dreaming of sex with a different Mo Ran like that (but it’s not, they actually happened in 0.5)

When Xia Sini waits for Mo Ran to have dinner with chicken soup he cooked and Mo Ran abandoned him to go find Shi Mei, and then ate up all the soup by himself without realizing that Xia Sini hadn’t eaten yet because he was waiting for him. Xia Sini says he’s a person too, he gets hungry, he hurts, etc. and I was like SHIZUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

The fact that CWN is an idiot at life in general like cleaning or cooking or anything else - even 1.0 Mo Ran before he understood CWN was like “how the hell is he still alive”

FIREWORKS MOMENT y’all!!! It fulfils the unrequited love angst but also a bit of resolution, and from the leaks of the live-action drama for THIS VERY MOMENT we are all gonna die

WHEN MO RAN KNEELS DOWN IN FRONT OF SHIZUN!!!!

I also liked it when CWN seemed surprised and also proud at all that Mo Ran had achieved as Mo-zongshi later

My Thoughts:

(Under the cut)

Whew. If you made it down here, I’m tempted to give you a hug, because damn if 2ha is the most gigantic danmei novel I’ve read so far in terms of number of chapters, number of arcs, number of confusing timelines and going back and forth, in terms of also the depth of plot and richness in character and world building.

As I mentioned in this other post, at 2ha’s core, it’s s a story about loving someone so much you would do anything for him, about family and the sacrifices you make for your loved ones, about finding a home when it seems like there is no place for you. You get uncomfortable at the thought of the bad sides to human nature, and you really question morality and what is right and wrong. You get sad because a lot of things were both unavoidable but also avoidable if only one thing or event was different, and everything else which happens after that is a direct consequence of those actions, whether right or wrong. It’s Mo Ran and Chu Wanning making painful decisions at every crucial moment, even if they know it’ll end badly, if only to keep the other safe (278 fuck my life!!!!).

It’s not an overstatement to say that reading 2ha will change your life (well it’ll definitely make you cry a lot and then your eyes are so swollen and you get so traumatized with angsty books even if they come with a happy ending - also you may end up with a side effect of being kind of reluctant or wary to read anything else from Meatbun) - I honestly haven’t read any novel so far quite like 2ha, objectively, not that it’s better than any other novel or that this should trump any of your other faves, but the mastery Meatbun displays in 2ha is on a whole different level. It’s certainly an out-of-body experience, almost.

Every detail and plot point is useful, you don’t get a huge unnecessary filler out of nowhere (okay.. maybe... farming arc but no one is complaining), details that seem irrelevant especially with side characters come to slap you in the face a lot of chapters later, and then you realize there’s an even deeper layer to the story.

Regarding the Trigger Warnings & Debate:

Hoooooo boy. I don’t want to get into this argument, but I would like to address some misconceptions anyway because I can see fandom drama over this already in the days leading up to HYX and the days after.

Firstly, do check out the 2ha carrd above where OP has helpfully listed all the trigger warnings.

If you’re uncomfortable with reading any of those, that’s perfectly fine and readers can totally avoid books that have any hint of those trigger warnings. You absolutely have the right to do that, you can totally ignore and blacklist 2ha for those reasons.

The debate arises (mostly) from people who have not read it but want to diss it based on the trigger warnings alone, saying that Meatbun glorifies what Mo Ran did in 0.5, and that readers who like 2ha are fetishizing the tropes presented.

This is like trying to argue against a full thesis by only reading the abstract. Moreover, I do find the treatment of 2ha unfair, especially when other media (Western forms as well, erm... GoT?) display the same tropes and trigger warnings without people getting into ridiculous arguments about it.

Meatbun does write that she finds all his actions as 0.5 deplorable, firstly. The second is that there was like a 30% contributing factor to his behaviour, none of which excuses what he did and the acts themselves. The point of this is how Mo Ran knows it’s wrong 1.0 onwards, and how he grovels and redeems himself after, and even though he redeems itself, it’s never said that what he did as 0.5 is okay or acceptable. And even after he redeems himself, pays for his mistakes and the truth is revealed etc., the acts of 0.5 are still deplorable on its own, they don’t go away just because he’s sort of reformed and changed his mind on shizun etc.

But anyway, aside from this, happy reading!! Cry with me pls hahaha and gosh once again I’m a newbie to the fandom so do not take my word entirely for it!

#2ha #the husky and his white cat shizun #二哈和他的白猫师尊 #immortality #hao yi xing #皓衣行 #erha #min's why you should read #i've left the trigger warnings debate under the cut #hahahaha #danmei #danmei rec #yay!!! i'm done! with recs for the year!!!#this is a super long post

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dayseternal-blog · 3 years

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Hi days! I know you're the best person to go to for some NH fic recommendations. Can you share with us really angsty NH fics? I've read White Lillies, that amount of angst is revitalizing I LOVE IT!!! big thanks!!!

HELLO

For how fluffy NaruHina is, there SURE ARE A LOT of shippers who LOVE NARUHINA ANGST. I’ve been asked for angst recs far more than any other type????

I will now compile every angst fic rec I’ve ever made into one long list. (folks can see if there’s anything I’ve missed 🤓)

NARUHINA ANGST

“A Place In The Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Rated M for smut and depictions of violence, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her. He’s not enough to save her, either.

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, ABO Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage. “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up.

“Girl No 10″ by meeiwen - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto makes a mistake with a dancer one drunk night. Years later when he meets her again, he begins realizing his perfect life is a lie, but he’s too late to fix it. Angst if you want to know what dying feels like warning.

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata are married. So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that?” (One-shot) and its follow-up “On Any Given Day” (Long One-Shot) by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“For the Future” by @utsus - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata understands this better than anyone else. Naruto is easy to love. (I actually just hate the ending a lot. That’s what puts this on the list).

“Gilded Butterflies” by Kid Crisis - Rated M for depictions of violence, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Tenshi, beautiful prostitute of the Villa, realized from a very young age that people seem to do nothing but empty her, and not even Naruto seems capable of convincing her otherwise.

“Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Rated M for smut, substance abuse, PTSD, and depictions of domestic violence and non-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” (Naruto’s POV) by @katarinahime & “Medicated” (Hinata’s POV) by @szajnie - Rated E for smut, substance abuse, mental illness, and depictions of violence, self-harm, and attempted suicide, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother’s advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto’s life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around’ is truly hardly around at all?

“Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated M for depictions of violence and character death, Mystery/Crime High School/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

“21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E includes dub-con, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Anonymous internet friends decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“June - Honor/Sacrifice” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto marries Hinata, the girl of his dreams. If only she loved him back.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty…but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Because I Love You” aka “Arranged Marriage AU Take 2″ (Same fic) by @magmawrites - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. A canon divergent fic in which The Last never happened and Hinata Hyuga was promised to another.

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What’s to say what’s real and what isn’t? The only thing that’s valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Dreaming of AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M for implied suicide, Modern AU, One-shot. Naruto dreams of her. He grows to love her. Dreams are nice. Too bad reality is a nightmare. (Most likely a continuation of the Asylum AU.)

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“The Path We Walk” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. With his memory of the past five years missing, Naruto never expected to be married to Hinata, and now he must navigate through the maze that is their life together with no memory of how he got there.

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“My Escape” by @marimare-writes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto wakes up from a coma with no recollection of life after graduating the Academy. Hinata, anxious and with a secret that will change both of their lives, struggles with what to do.

“Consolation Prize: Through Her Distorted Mirror” by mysterious intentions - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Her love is taken lightly, as if her heart could change so easily.

“Good Luck” By LovelyLori - Rated T, Flowers/Ballet AU, Two-Shot, Complete. A Japanese ballet company arrives in Naruto’s town. Can love transcend language barriers? (I spent HOURS looking for this one, it totally breaks my heart.)

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee. And he’s not moving on.

“Sincerely, Uzumaki Naruto” by @bkgsbby - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. After his wife leaves him a week after giving birth to their son, Naruto moves back to Konoha. He adjusts to life as a single father, with the help of his friends and surprisingly, his old crush.

“Road to Redemption” by averagejane497 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, especially concerning the women he loves. Maybe this time he can get it right.

“You’re the One” by AnimeloverNUMBA100 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. After 4 desperate years, Hinata finally asked Naruto out. He decides to give her a chance, but his feelings for Sakura has never faded. Hinata is slowly losing hope as time goes on…and she soon chooses to leave him.

Untitled by @randomprose - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Prompt: Hinata finds out that Naruto told Minato that Sakura is his girlfriend.

“Jitters” by ncfan - Rated T, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. He has her heart but he doesn’t even know it.

“The Red Umbrella” by ncfan - Rated G, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. As the rain hits her, Hinata thinks about what she doesn’t have, and what she’ll never have now.

“Duplicity” by GoldKing - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Uzumaki Sakura wants to know why Hinata’s children are blond.

“My Favorite Night” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata harbors deeper feelings for Naruto after three years of being his roommate. When he starts dating Sakura, Hinata decides it’s in her heart’s best interest to turn the other way, and leaves Naruto for good with a heart-breaking secret in tow.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which…Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

“Blurred Lines” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Police / Cops and Robbers Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Detective Naruto Uzumaki is having a hard time staying focused at work due to an elusive, dark-haired beauty. (Starts off fun and smutty, grows angsty).

“I want you to cry” and its sequel “Road of Tears” by Devahhole - Rated E for graphic murder, dub-con/non-con, and smut, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A sociopath blinded by revenge runs into his greatest opponent.

“Absolute” by @ssa25 - Rated M, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. She was his kind, shy and innocent friend. Until she wasn’t. He was her pure, beautiful and unrequited love. Until he wasn’t.

I’m very glad that you enjoyed my “White Lilies” fic!! Here’s everything I could think of for you to cry or stress out over.

SAD READING 😢

#anon #naruhina fanfic recs #naruhina angst

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egcdeath · 3 years

Text

a blip in the reader-verse

chapter 3: someone in the crowd

summary: in your expedition through the multiverse, you find yourself in the crowd of a war bond show.

warnings: somewhat of a bittersweet ending

word count: 1.8k

author’s note: let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so any likes/reblogs/comments are very much appreciated!

previous chapter / series masterlist

Steve sat up abruptly, breathing heavily and heart racing from the vaguely distressing experience of being in someone else’s dream. And to top that off, the stakes of being in the dream were extremely high. If he couldn’t contact you and convince you that something was off, he could be stuck here, in the wrong universe, forever.

Steve rolled over and sighed, only to be met with the curious expression of the Ancient One, and nearly jumping out of his skin.

“Did it work?” She questioned, and Steve wordlessly nodded while anxiously cracking his knuckles.

“So now we wait?” He asked, turning his body around so his feet were planted firmly on the floor. Feeling the ground against him gave him a slight sense of comfort, knowing that he was back in the real world.

“You and I cannot take that risk. I’m going to try to send your consciousness into another universe, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your way home. If not, then… I’m not sure what else there is to do.”

“It’ll work though, right?” Steve looked up at her through furrowed brows.

“We can only hope so.”

——

Before your eyes even opened, you noticed the all-encompassing raket of a crowd clapping and hollering for… Captain America?

You opened your eyes and glanced around at your surroundings. If you were sure of one thing, it was that you weren’t in a time that was even somewhat close to yours. That quickly became clear to you as you observed the people sitting around you, and the astoundingly monochrome clothing of those around you.

You looked down at yourself, and observed your own time period appropriate outfit, your knee-length flowered dress fell nicely against your body, but the shoulder pads weighing on your collarbone kind of made you feel like a football player. You also quickly caught onto the fact that your watch seemed to turn itself into a pendant on your neck. You then glanced up at the stage, and noticed your alarming proximity to it.

As the curtains on the stage opened, a profound silence fell across the audience. You looked up at the platform expectantly, and you were not disappointed when your boyfriend of many years popped out.

Except, he seemed much more jovial. The dark circles under his eyes weren’t so dark, and he seemed to have a lightness in his step as he pounced around the stage. In the midst of your ogling, the woman next to you leaned over and set a hand over your knee.

“Didn’t I tell you he was gonna be cute?” she whispered in your ear. At the sound of her voice, you felt a wave of recollection surge over you.

This was your friend Aaliyah, just like your closest childhood friend back in your own reality, who’d dragged you out to this war-bond-promotion thing to see her man crush of the week.

“He’s really dreamy,” you concurred, not taking your eyes off of the man.

“So you’re not mad at me for bringing you out here anymore?” She asked, an air of teasing in her voice.

“Shh!” a voice from somewhere above you hissed down at the two of you.

The both of you rolled your eyes, then you looked over to Aaliyah and shared a knowing look with her.

You looked back at the stage, and watched the routine play out, giggling to yourself at times. The whole show had been at least 10 times funnier, now knowing Steve, even if this wasn’t exactly your Steve.

In the midst of a giggling fit, Steve glanced down at you, and flashed you a pearly grin. Despite seeing that beautiful smile millions of times, you couldn’t help but to slightly swoon, and look over at Aaliyah excitedly.

She gaped her mouth open at you, and pointed at you with a brow furrowed in confusion, ‘You?’ she mouthed. You responded by pointing at yourself with an equally shocked expression, and mouthing, ‘Me?’

It seemed like the show was over after that, and the lights in the room slowly rose back to their original colors.

“Holy shit!” Aaliyah squealed, grabbing your arm. “Did Captain fucking America smile at you?”

“If you saw what I saw, then yes!” You grabbed her opposite arm, “we have to celebrate this somehow, right? I think this deserves celebrating.”

You were honestly surprising yourself with the words coming out of your mouth. Part of you knew that Steve looking at you was a regular occurrence that you were used to, but the part of you that actually lived in this universe’s feelings must’ve been strong enough to override even the most logical part of your brain.

“Uh, hell yeah it deserves celebrating. Let’s go!” The two of you stood up, and you straightened out your dress a bit before squeezing through the aisle of chairs, and heading out of the concert hall.

Leaving the hall turned out to be more of a hassle than you’d initially expected. The lobby towards the exit was packed like a can of sardines, and you and Aaliyah seemed to be standing around for an excruciatingly long period of time.

During this period of time, you zoned out a bit, only half-listening to Aaliyah drone on about some new John Ford movie.

In this downtime, you decided to ask yourself why you hadn’t left this universe yet, since this was so clearly not the one you belonged in, and not the reality your Steve was in. You came to the conclusion that your morbid curiosity of what may happen next in this reality was more than enough to motivate you not to leave. Besides, who knows? Maybe you could learn a lesson about yourself, or some other corny thing like that.

Lost in your own thoughts, you failed to notice the built blonde man draped in a brown trench coat and looking down speed walking straight into you, and sending you stumbling back into your friend’s arms.

He looked down at you with worry in his eyes, and extended a hand out to you quickly. “My gosh, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed.

Steve.

Of course, fate had decided to bring you to the man (who technically wasn’t really your man).

You gladly accepted his hand, and let him pull you forward a bit. Your cheeks warmed at the little touch, and you swore you could sense Aaliyah gawking behind you.

“Again, my apologies…?” You could tell that Steve was leaving an opening for your name.

“Oh, uh, Y/N,” you smirked a bit at him.

“Let me make it up to you, Y/N,” he offered politely, and speaking softly so that he wouldn’t attract too much attention.

“Make up pushing me on accident?” You giggled at this. Steve somehow managed to be a bit of an unsmooth dork in every reality.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. But only if you want me to… make it up to you,” a bit of a rose tinted blush was clearly visual on Steve’s face.

“I would love that.”

----

“The perks of having a circus monkey take you out, is that he knows all of the back entrances and exits,” Steve explained while weaving his way through the building.

“Is that some sort of saying from the 40’s?” You casually threw out, following behind Steve as the two of you made your way through the back of the concert hall. As soon as you realized the weight of your words, your eyes went wide.

“What?” Steve asked, looking back at you while the two of you continued your trek.

“Nothing,” your eyes bounced around the room, and you tried to think of something to change the subject to. Luckily for you, you’d arrived at the door, and that was subject change enough. Steve opened the door for you, and held it as you walked through.

You immediately recoiled at the scent of the city. Simply put, it smelled like the Industrial Revolution. Quickly playing it off, you turned your head to look at Steve, and reach out to grab his hand.

“So, where are you planning to take me, Captain?” Steve gladly accepted your hand back, and you happily intertwined your fingers, despite the slight dampness you noticed on his palms. Was The Captain America sweating from nerves from being around you? You’d have to mentally note this to tell Aaliyah later.

“Well, there’s this diner somewhere around here that I’ve heard is pretty good. You interested?” He glanced over at you, and you pursed your lips as you faked deep thought about the proposition.

“You really know the way straight to a gal’s heart, huh?”

----

You had been sitting in a booth across from Steve for what must’ve been hours now. The conversation between the two of you seemed to flow naturally, as if you were longtime friends. In a way, you kind of were, but in another very real way, this was just the beautiful start of something that would blossom more with every second you spent with Steve.

You picked at a napkin, and Steve glanced down at his watch.

“Shit,” he muttered to himself.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, concern clearly present in your tone.

“It’s just really late, and my manager’s gonna be pissed if I miss my flight tomorrow,” Steve sighed sadly, and reached into his pocket for a pen. “I’ll be trading New York for Wisconsin. So exciting, I know, but we gotta get the war bonds somehow,” he chuckled.

“I get it,” you nodded sadly, then noticed Steve scribble something onto a napkin.

“You know Howard Stark?” he questioned.

“Heard of him,” you nodded slowly.

“Well, he’s working on this new thing. It’s just like a phone, but it comes with you everywhere you go. I have a prototype of it, I think it’s pretty neat,” he slid you the napkin. “This is it’s number. You can call me any time, anywhere, and I’ll pick it up.”

You smiled sadly at Steve, but accepted the napkin, folding it into a neat little triangle, and slipping it into your dress pocket. “Is this goodbye?”

“Just for now,” he stood up from the booth, and you followed suit, before he reached for your hand and laced your fingers with his.

The two of you silently walked out of the diner, hand-in-hand. Steve eventually pulled his palm away from yours, and started for the direction of his hotel. Although, before he could get too far, you scurried over to him, and pressed a quick peck against his cheek, catching him by surprise, “Bye, Steve. I’ll see you soon.”

“Of course. Bye, Y/N,” Steve waved as he departed, and you made your way towards the curb so you could hail a taxi.

A taxi quickly pulled up to you, and slipped into the backseat and muttered your address. The soft vibration against your chest that alerted you that it was time to go, did not go unnoticed by you, and you closed your eyes as you attempted to relax into the rather uncomfortable seat.

next chapter

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #captain america x reader #captain america x you #marvel fanfiction #ABITRV #40's AU

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soyeahitsmiddleearth · 4 years

Note

i have a request for you! reader is a royal who doesn’t care for their title and therefore doesn’t enlighten the Company of their status. however, when they run into royal guards of reader’s kingdom who refer to them with their title, the Company is flabbergasted; especially Fíli, who has fallen head over heels for our main character. (I love your writing btw! never stop!)

Being royalty can be a real nuisance sometimes.

Between fake friends, special treatment, ransom, and the looming knowledge that, someday, you will be forced to marry someone whom you do not love for people who don't care about you, there's no way you can be truly happy.

Over the years you learned a great deal of different things, like how to bluff, how to break out of bindings, how to fight, and, ultimately, how to lie about who you are.

It's really easy after all.

The thing is, though, you've only learned these skills for the off chance that something happens to you. You're not allowed outside the castle without an escort, and all the battle training you've done has been under the watchful eye of your tutor and nanny.

Of course, you learned how to become an excellent fighter away from their prying eyes, but it's still suffocating.

And this is why you decided to run away!

I know what you may be thinking; what kind of spoiled brat gives away such a cushy life for one of danger and uncertainty?

Well, you of course!!

You're tired of being kept in a cage; of being called, "Highness" and treated like nothing more than an accessory to the king; of having no purpose other than being a pawn to your father who will ship you off the moment a suitor comes along. You want to be who you are. A chance to grow and experience the world. A chance to fall in love on your own instead of forcing yourself to love someone you could not care less for.

Also, your father, ultimately, did find you someone to marry, and when you asked who it was you learned that not only do you not know them, but they're also 30 years older than you.

All of these things are reasons you left.

As soon as you escaped the palace there was panic, guards sent out everywhere to find you and bring you back, hand drawn posters put out on every street lamp and post, it was a whole fiasco.

For a time there you were almost tempted to go back just so they would stop tormenting people over you, but when a greying old man came to you and stated that he knew who you are and that he wanted to give you the chance to go on an adventure, all thoughts of returning home flew out the window.

You met a group of 13 dwarves and one small man that they call a hobbit.

The wizard never told them who you are, so you didn't see much of a reason to enlighten them on your status either.

It feels nice being treated so normally, something you aren't use to in the slightest, but it feels even nicer to make actual friends.

Of course, there are some times where you act a bit off or bratty since you did grow up in a castle with people on your beck and call 24/7, but if they notice it nobody says anything about it.

Thorin, Fili, and Kili, who also just so happen to be royalty themselves, were surprised by how normally you treated them. You spoke to them as if their titles meant nothing to you, joked and complimented them on various things where most would be horrified to do so, and it successfully won their favor.

They don't know it's because you know what it's like to be in their shoes, to be treated specially and oddly just because you were born into a royal family, and you know to some extent that they have a desire to be treated as normal just like you.

Of the three, Fili seemed to take to you the most.

He likes the way you act so normally around him, how you actually care what happens to him and your loyalty to the company.

At some point he actually begins to care for you a great deal more than he probably should, and once he comes to this realization, it's over for him.

He began to do things for you that he hadn't before; like sleeping next to you, offering to accompany you when it's your turn to scout or get firewood, bringing you food in the mornings and at night, and even lending you one of his beloved knifes when the handle of yours broke after a conflict.

When he started treating you differently, you feared at first that he found out who you are, but you soon realized that he just cares about you a lot- like a good friend should.

Ever oblivious you are.

You weren't exactly hiding it from them, the fact that you're basically next in line for the throne, but you didn't necessarily want them to find out either.

It's actually right around the time when you began to think your kingdom gave up their search for you that things took a turn for the 'worse'.

You were all staying in a town for the night, renting out some rooms at a lodging. You and Bilbo get to have your own room since you're not dwarves for one, but the next morning as you all set out to leave and are all well-rested, something happens.

You're walking with Fili down the stairs of the place you all stayed, joking and laughing with each other while you follow the rest outside of the building when the dwarves in front of you both suddenly stop walking altogether.

A soft 'oof' leaves you when you bump into Bifir since he abruptly ceased all movement, and when you look ahead to see what the fuss is about, your heart stops.

"Halt!" Yells one of the 10 guards standing in a semi-circle around all of you.

They wear both the colors and the emblem of your kingdom, so clearly they are here for you, but how the hell did they find you.

Unconsciously you shrink back and half hide behind the door, glad to see that they haven't seen you yet.

"What's the meaning of this?" Thorin asks angrily, reaching for his sword as he glares up at the armed men standing over them.

"We have received word that the missing Y/N L/N has been spotted in this area traveling with a group of strange peoples." The guard states with a blank face, looking down at Thorin suspiciously.

Uh oh, you're screwed.

Fili looks up at you sharply, and duck behind the pillar quickly and crouch down, making yourself as small as possible.

He's gonna sell you out and you're gonna be brought back to that horrible palace, chained up in your room for the rest of your life.

"I have no recollection of coming across anyone of that name. Are they some sort of criminal?"

Your eyes go wide when Thorin pretends not to know you, and you feel your heart fill with joy and appreciation.

"Criminal? No. Try missing heir to the L/N dominion." The guard replies, seemingly less suspicious despite Thorin not really giving him any reason to believe him. "The Royal Highness has been missing for months, and the king and their intended are growing weary."

"Was this Y/N kidnapped?" You hear Thorin inquire further, feeling sick to your stomach that all of your secrets are being aired out like this while you can't so much as get in a peep.

"Nobody knows for certain, though there has been a lot of speculation for both sides."

"It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, kind sir. I hope your search goes well." Thorin states politely.

The guard nods his head and states nicely, "Thank you."

"May I ask what you plan to do when you find them?" The dwarf presses a bit further, though he keeps his face neutral.

There's a moment of silence, though your can't see exactly what's going on, when the guard replies with what you already know, "Take them to the palace where they can be wed to the Lord of our neighboring kingdom.

"Fitting. If we hear anything we will send for you right away."

"Then we will take our leave." The guard states, nodding at Thorin gratefully before marching off with the others who follow behind him.

You stay in that same place crouched to the ground and huddled against the side of the pillar for a little while, and it's not until you feel a hand on your shoulder that you look up and see multiple confused faces peering down at you.

You offer an awkward smile and say, "Well, that was crazy wasn't it?"

"You're royalty?" Thorin asks, looking down at you with confused and curious eyes.

"You're betrothed?" Fili breathes, his eyebrows furrowed.

You nod your head slowly, pushing yourself to your feet before slowly mumbling, "Yes, and technically yes."

A moment of silence passes by where everyone just stares in awe before Thorin says hesitantly, "If those guards find you, they will take you back by force?"

This time you only nod, glancing off to the side nervously.

"We're already behind schedule... we will discuss this later tonight." Thorin tells you decisively, reaching up to pat your arm lightly before turning and leaving the building.

You stare after him in surprise, and it isn't until Fili mumbles your name that you snap out of it and go to follow.

---

For the majority of the day you ride by yourself, for everyone seems to be acting more oddly around you.

It's not like anything has changed, they just know a little more about you, but still they act like everything is different now.

The better part of your ride is spent in silence, and it's not until Fili's pony falls into step with your horse that your isolation ends.

"You never told us." He begins, looking up at you curiously.

"No, I didn't." You confirm, sighing quietly.

"Why?"

That's a bit harder to answer, but you try anyways, "Because...I didn't know if your uncle would let me come if he knew and I didn't want to be treated differently either. All my life I've had to abide by a certain set of rules and mannerisms, I've had to be taught how to spot fakes and to survive incase someone were to kidnap me for real... for once, just once, I wanted to live my life without somebody treating me specially because of who runs through my veins."

He of all people should understand this, but your heart aches at the thought that he may just find you to be a selfish brat.

"Why... did you leave?" He asks instead of acknowledging your answer.

"I know there are many who have it worse than I, truly I can't even call it bad, but when I learned that I would be married off to somebody I've never met that is 30 my senior... I couldn't take it anymore. The fate tied to me is one that I would seldom wish on anyone, and so I left. I don't give a damn for that place, for they don't give one for me."

A silence passes by that makes you uncomfortable, but you don't look down to see if he's watching you. You don't want to see the face he's making, no doubt one of disbelief or anger over how petulant and selfish you are.

"I suppose I would've left to."

You look down at him sharply at that, your eyes a bit wide since that is not what you were expecting in the slightest.

"I understand. And when I say that I mean I actually understand. Truly." He looks up at you and offers a small smile, "People have expectations of you, and when you express that you never asked for all this responsibility you're seen as nothing more than a bratty child who doesn't understand what they have. When they find out who you are they will go to any lengths to be in your good favor. You never know who likes you for you or for your title.

Slowly you nod your head.

Really, what did you expect? Of course he would get it, he's living through it just as you are! Only he isn't running away from anything at the moment.

"Yes, it's exactly like that." You hum, offering the dwarf a smile, "I don't know why I thought you wouldn't understand. You're probably one of the only ones who does."

'Well, my uncle and Kili too, but yes..." He trails off, then adds, "So, you're an heir."

This makes you scoff, but your face remains pleasant. "Unfortunately."

"Do you... plan on going back?" He sounds more. nervous now, and you make note of that.

"Not really, unless my intended is breathtakingly beautiful." You reply with a smirk, glancing down at the blond dwarf again.

He clears his throat and asks just as anxiously, "Really...?"

"Of course not! I want to be free to love whoever I want." You tell him, shaking your head while you speak, "I want to be with someone who I am both attracted to and happy with."

Fili doesn't respond to that right away, but when he does speak his voice still remains hesitant, "What do you consider... attractive? Who would make you happy?"

"Like qualities?" Before you do what your mind is telling you to, you need a bit of confirmation on his meaning.

He only nods.

"Hm... well, if I'm to start with what qualities make me happy, I would say kindness is very important. They would also have to be strong and fierce, loyal beyond belief, a warrior is always nice, a family man, and, certainly, they must be in love with me too." You begin, nodding along with yourself while a smile falls upon your lips.

"And... my other question?"

"Oh, right! I've always been rather fond of blonds, you should know. Thick hair, blue eyes, a brilliant smile- oh! They must have dimples. That's nonnegotiable..." You trail off and glance down at him, seeing that he's looking at you with wide, surprised eyes, "I've also a thing for shorter men, I don't know why for the life of me. Strength isn't a physical trait but I find that attractive, too."

He's looking up at you with an awed expression on his face, and it successfully makes you smile.

"And... there's one more thing."

He gulps and asks shakily, "W-What's that?"

"Mustache braids. They've got to be the most attractive thing a man can have! I'm most certain its a sign of an excellent kisser." Obviously it's cheesy, but you don't much care since you get to see his adorably red face.

"I-It sounds like you already have someone in mind." He stutters, reaching up to rub the back of his braided head.

"Yes, tell Bilbo I'll be looking for him once he grows out his hair will you-" You joke, watching as his eyes widen for a second before he smiles brightly and starts to laugh.

"Oh! I'll be sure to tell him!" He exclaims, chuckling some more with the biggest and happiest smile on his face.

"Also tell him that I'd care for him whether he holds the crown in his future or not. Those things don't really matter to me."

"I can do that."

You look ahead, the biggest smile ever on your face as well, "One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Tell him that I hope he doesn't look at me differently now that he knows who I really am."

Fili doesn't reply right away to that, but when he does his voice is soft, "I know that he won't, because he loves you dearly and wouldn't care for your status whether you're a monarch to be or a struggling person scrambling to get by."

"Wow, he sure has a way with words." You muse, reaching down to pat the top of his head while your other hand clutches the reins of your horse a bit tighter.

"There's more where that came from."

#fili #thorins company #fanfic #fili imagine #fili x reader #fili durin #the hobbit thorin #the hobbit fanfiction #the hobbit #the hobbit bilbo #request #ask #answer #fluff

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grayintogreen · 3 years

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I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

455,024 (also mostly from this year...)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!

It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.

- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)

THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train.

- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)

BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!

Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.

- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)

Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip.

- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)

I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.

(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.

But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.

I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.

Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics.

So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that anyone’s told me!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time.

My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.

I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch.

I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.

shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain.

A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.

#writing meme #my writing #shattered stage #this church takes no conversions

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dehydratedpercy · 3 years

Text

Rating Some of my Old Fics out of 10

This morning I spent some time cleaning up my ao3 so I can share Preserve or Raze with some people from work without simultaneously linking them to all the goddamn porn I've written. This means that now, the majority of my non-porny works are under the ao3 username Mapping_Atlas (formerly DumpsterDiving101), and the porny works are under the username WhiteCeilings. Preserve or Raze is under both, but shhhh, we're pretending that WhiteCeilings is a different person who is just a co-creator, m'kay?

Anyways, this means that I was looking through some of my old fics, which I shall now rate here. I'm only going to be rating some of them, but feel free to go to one or both of my ao3 accounts and snoop to your heart's content if you want to learn more about my other works. Heads up, the vast majority are Marvel fics, with a couple Phanfics thrown in there too.

Let's get started.

Should've Said No-- 3.5k words, Peter Parker/Tony Stark

This fic is dedicated to anyone and everyone who has ever commented on Preserve or Raze telling me that I write trauma too well and that they hope I'm getting the help I need. Fun fact: I dissociated so many writing this that it took double the amount of time it should've. 10/10.

Room for Three-- 17.5k words, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanoff/Bucky Barnes

This fic is one of my absolute most underrated ones, and is cute as fuck. Post!Winter Soldier these three are hiding out together from the Avengers, while Hill tries to rebuild SHIELD from the ground up. In the end, they go and meet the family, which is extra spicy bc polyamory. So fucking cute. 20/10 read it.

Two Blind Men Steering A Ship-- 8k, Pres-serum Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

I think this takes place while Bucky is still the Winter Soldier, and him and Steve are... cell mates? I only know that from the summary. 2/10 I literally have no recollection of writing this.

Commanding Nature (WhiteCeilings)-- 2k, Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

This is literally the most cursed thing I've ever written. I wrote it in one go, no editing, at 8pm at night, and published it right away because I knew I wouldn't publish it if I let myself think about it even a little. It's crack, but done with a little too much intention. My friends only know it as the Plant Fic. I have met people irl who I gave the link to, who no longer speak to me. This fic is more popular than fics I have spent full years on. This fic gave people existential crises.

Oh, the summary? Steve fucking plants Bucky. You know. Like a garden. Bucky turns into a garden. It starts out sexual, but it doesn't stay that way for long. This fic has fucking groupies. -100/10 I have never loved something or hated something so much. Don't read this, BUT you should 100% read the comments, they're insane.

Rumlow Doesn't Care (And Other Lies He Tells Himself)-- 20k, Brock Rumlow/Bucky Barnes

I castrated Rumlow in this fic. Brock Rumlow is one of the main Captain America villains. And I. Fucking wrote an abo fic where he was chemically castrated. You can't make this shit up. 10/10 Rumlow deserved it.

The 12 Labors Of Steve Rogers-- 31k, Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

My first story with any Greek Mythology elements. Basically Steve Rogers is Hercules and is completing his 12 labors when he meets Hades (Bucky) and slowly starts to realize that the Olympians he so desperately wanted to be a part of were shitty and abusive. Now that I look back on this, I realize it was probably inspired by my religious trauma. Also, Peter Parker is in this as a slutty river spirit. 50/10 I think people who like Preserve or Raze should read this.

Not Your Lover-- 5k, Natasha Romanoff/Laura Barton

Guys, this right here is the shit. I forgot I wrote this but honestly it's one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's a recovery fic where teen!Natasha goes and lives with Clint and his family on their farm after escaping the Red Room, and she works to create a new identity not rooted in violence. This shit'll make you cry. 500/10 The Black Widow movie would've been better if I wrote it.

But Love Is Overrated Anyways-- 41k, Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Mutants AU that probably makes me out to be anti-vax, but that wasn't my intention (pls get vaccinated guys). Mutants and humans coexist, until a mysterious new "disease" comes out and everyone gets vaccinated for it. Except there is no disease, and the vaccine is actually a ploy meant to target and kill mutants. Dan and Phil are both mutants who didn't end up getting the vaccine out of laziness, who meet up post-genocide/apocalypse. Dan has ice powers and Phil has fire powers; Dan wants to massacre humans and Phil wants to show them toleration and kindness. Dan wins in the end. A delicious little love/corruption fic. 10/10 I might turn this into a real novel some day.

Yellow Roses-- 14.5k, Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Dan leaves his rich socialite wife for a sexy male florist. 10/10 relatable.

#not preserve or raze

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outer-bnks · 4 years

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Two Burning Hearts Are Dared to Break (JJ x OC) Ch. 4

When you’ve already lost everything, what’s a little more? Elle confronts JJ about the way he’s been treating her and their relationship falls to pieces amongst the emotional turmoil of losing John B and Sarah.

Warning: angst, mild swearing, using the lord’s name in vain, heart break :(

A/N: this hurt to write :( clearly they’re both a mess right now and don’t know what they’re doing…but Topper redemption arc is cominggg though and I’m excited

Word count: 2k

It had been 3 days since the funeral, 6 days since their police interrogations, and 7 days since the storm. And apart from the shower she had shared with JJ, Elle hadn’t cried yet, hadn’t let it sink in that this was their new reality. That it was normal for her to not hear from JJ for 3 days and that it was normal for Kie and Pope to spend all their free time together without the other Pogues. That her found family had now joined her biological family as a distant memory. That she was on her own.

She had decided that 3 days had been enough time. Enough time for JJ to collect his emotions and have the space he needed. As she pulled into his driveway, her hands shaky and head full of things she needed to say to him, she recollected her breath before opening the door and making her way over to where he stood, working on his bike.

“Hi Jay” Elle greeted softly, wary of what side of him she was going to receive.

JJ lifted his head from his crouched position, giving a slight nod of acknowledgement whilst continuing to work on his bike. It seemed like Elle was getting the distant and quiet side today. This side of him always left Elle feeling on edge, like at any moment he might explode in an outburst of anger, or just completely break down.

“Nobody’s seen you for days”, she added, keeping a gentle tone in her voice. Wanting him to pick up on her care, not concern. He didn’t respond well to people worrying about him, after the years they’ve spent as friends, she knew how easy it was for JJ to close himself off.

Keeping his eyes on the movement of his screwdriver, mumbling out a short and sharp “Yeah, it’s better that way”.

“Well, how are you? I’ve been thinking about you” Elle sighed, already dreading how this conversation was going to end.

“Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself” he snapped, lifting his head briefly to shoot her an icy gaze before returning his gaze to the task at hand.

She tried to ignore the hurt that began to form in the pit of her stomach. Meeting his sharp tone with her own she quickly rebutted.

“I’ve never thought that JJ”.

He ignored her. Somewhere along the line, the patience she had for him had dissipated, leaving a burning feeling in her chest.

“You can stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not Jay”.

He remained silent, Elle’s frustration building. “Just talk to me” she sighed, making her way around the bike. Not standing close enough to scare him off, but close enough to gain his attention.

He finally stood, his stature causing him to look down at her slightly. She held his eye contact, trying to find some kind of emotion in them. She tried reaching her hand up to his face, as if to gently touch his cheek. His bruises were finally starting to fade, the cut on his lip healing.

“You know, if I could, I would change the whole world for you. In a heartbeat.” An unrecognisable emotion flashed across his eyes before disappearing. Flinching away and crouching back down to work on his bike, sourness slipped through in his voice.

“Yeah, well you can’t. And I don’t need my world to change, I need everyone to just leave me alone”. She had lost him, the softness she was beginning to see had left.

“Okay well if you needed space all you had to do was ask”, she shot back. She couldn’t understand why he was acting so cold. Had she done something? Or was he just taking his anger out on her? She knew he’d needed space, hence the 3 days without any contact. But JJ wasn’t usually one to ruminate with his feelings, or if he was, he didn’t show it. He always felt his emotions intensely, he’s quick tempered and impulsive, but Elle had always wondered if that was just his surface level reaction. She sometimes feared that underneath his hard and brave exterior, that he was too fragile for the world that he’d been given.

“God, it’s not space that I need Elle. I’ve had plenty of space”, he replied, making his annoyance apparent.

Elle shook her head, still not understanding what he was getting at. “So what do you need, because you’re making it pretty hard for me to figure it out Jay.”

Standing up he turned to her, his features showing his irritation with her. “What I need is for you to leave me alone. I don’t need your help, I don’t need anyone!”.

She took a step back, as if his words had delivered a physical blow to her body. Shaking her head slightly, her arms coming up to cross over her chest she scoffed, “You might not need me JJ, but have you ever thought that maybe I need you?”.

He scanned her face, looking for the truth behind her words. “Find someone else then Elle. I can’t be that person for you anymore.”

The dread in her stomach grew with every blow that was delivered in his words.

Exasperated, she uncrossed her arms, using them while she spoke, “What are you even talking about?! You’re my best friend, what do you want me to do, go and pick someone off the street. How are you not understanding that right now, you’re the only person I care about?”. She could feel herself derailing, trying to make sense of it.

JJ scoffed, looking at her confusedly, “What about Pope and Kie huh, what, you don’t care about them?”

“You know that that’s not what I meant JJ. Plus, they’ve been hanging out with each other all week, I’m sure they’re doing just fine” sarcasm coating her words heavily.

“Well maybe you should be checking in on them instead of bothering me”, he near shouted.

Elle couldn’t help the tone of betrayal that slipped through in her tone. She narrowed her eyes, “Bothering you? I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that my visit was such a burden on you”.

He lifted his hat off his head, running a hand through his hair before placing it back on. Coldly he responded, “Yeah well, it is”.

Elle’s head felt as if it was spinning. Replies and comebacks and the fear of where this conversation could end filtering through her mind at record speed.

“And who’s gonna be there for me, huh JJ? Kie and Pope have each other, you, well apparently you’re good on your own. Who do I get? You know I’m going through this as well?” she responded. She’d felt lost this past week without John B around, and having no one to speak to only amplified how alone she now was.

“I don’t know Elle, why don’t you go find a Kook, that’s always worked out so well for you in the past” JJ snapped, his voice antagonising her.

Elle’s stomach dropped. Tears that she had been fighting back throughout this argument beginning to slip through. For JJ to throw her past in her face like that made her blood boil, what felt like bile was rising in her throat.

She wouldn’t be able to stand this argument any longer. Her heart rate accelerated, it felt as if her fight or flight responses had been activated, and her brain was screaming at her to run as fast and as far away from the pain that JJ was inflicting on her right now. But her heart wondered how much further she could push him, to find out what his limits really were.

Elle swallowed, trying to gain her voice again, she felt defeated. “Right, then I’ll leave you to it.”

“Finally” JJ sighed with relief. Usually JJ being relaxed gave Elle a sense of peace, but his gratitude for her leaving him made her want to collapse onto the floor and crumble.

Elle began making her way up the driveway, her mind spinning with things that she could say to try and salvage what they had left.

Turning around her hopelessness and exhaustion was displayed through her body language, her arms falling limply by her side. “So what? That’s it. Four years of friendship down the drain because you’re scared of letting people in? This is your way of trying to protect yourself? Cut people out of your life before they leave you? That’s bullshit JJ! You and I both know that I am the last person that would ever leave you.”

JJ’s throat worked. Her words cut deeper than they had before. Is this what he’d driven them too?

He shrugged, gnawing on his bottom lip, his eyes glazed over “I’ve already lost everything, what’s a little more”. His voice showed his carelessness, but his face betrayed him exhibiting the panic that was behind his actions.

Elle let out a shaky breath. Unbelieving of what his words meant. Two of her biggest fears coming to life right in front of her- of caring too much for someone who would never care about her, and losing JJ for good. She’d truly hit the jackpot. She sniffled, her emotions beginning to take over her, shaking her head softly.

Quiet enough not let him hear she mumbled, “I hate how much I love you”.

JJ’s head snapped up, his eyebrows furrowing at her words. Of course he’d known she loved him, she told him all the time. When they were out on the boat and the sun was gleaming and everyone was laughing at Pope’s lame Dad jokes, she’d blurt out how much she loved them all. At their keggers, tipsy, dancing along with tourons, wrapping her arms around whoever was closest, pulling them all into a group hug and confessing her undying love for them. When she’d cleaned up his bruises and cuts after another run-in with his father, the first one slipping out when she knew JJ needed to hear it, and then every time after that to reassure him that he always had her. Elle wasn’t afraid to let people know that she loved them. She had said it to him a countless number of times. But she’d never said it with a sense of hopelessness behind it. As if loving him physically hurt her. JJ always thought that when people complained of their heart aching that they were being overdramatic. But he felt as if his heart was throbbing, it truly ached, in a way he didn’t think was possible. So he did what he does best, he made it ache even more.

“Then stop loving me.”

Turning around, he retreated back to his bike, grinding his teeth whilst picking up his wrench and pretending to work on the nuts and bolts underneath the seat. He couldn’t watch her walk away, he knew that whatever remained of his heart wouldn’t be able to take it and he’d be reminded of how he’s royally screwed up the one thing in his life that he actually had left.

He silently begged for her to leave, so that he could relinquish in the feeling of his heart shattering, and scattering throughout his body in fragile pieces that would never be able to be wholly put back together.

And she did.

After watching him walk away and return to his bike as if he didn’t just dismantle her whole world. Tearing her gaze away from his back, she turned, wiping her hands under her eyes and trying to collect herself. She carried what felt like her lifeless body up the driveway, back into her car. Mindlessly putting the keys into the ignition and beginning to drive.

She didn’t know where she was driving to, and frankly, she didn’t care. As long as it was as far away as she could get from him and the shattered remnants of their relationship.

—-

let me know if you want to be on the taglist :)

taglist: @mybillyhardgrove @cyrrusmreadings @downbytheouterbanks @belledutchess @imagines-and-preferences1216 @teamnick

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souptual-remade · 4 years

Note

Hello! 💫✨💛 This is the love bot! I am here to ask you to describe your mutuals as your favorite things/feelings! Spread some love during these tough times 💛✨💫 Then send this to 10 people and keep the love going 💛

ty for sending this in ! i’m a bit nostalgic apparently and it will show through my answers, but it’s the best way i could describe my mutuals in this way,, it will NOT make sense in some cases (also i definitely forgot a lot of you i am SO sorry)

@outroshooky

oh my goodness !!! you remind me of staying up late in the summer to go on car rides on the back roads with my friends and getting into deep conversations about the world and ourselves

@tender-suga

you remind me of going ghost hunting with my mom and friends when i was little, chasing the paranormal and trying to make sense of my world all while having fun

@epiphanyjin

you remind me of the feeling i would get when i would go to lunch in high school and eat in the arm room or courtyard with my friends and have time to laugh and get a break from classes

@suggable

you remind me of when i ran my old aesthetic blog that was just pinks and blues and i would reblog clean and cute aesthetics and it was just very satisfying

@galaxiejoon

you remind me of when i used to listen to this band muse for hours on end in my room and memorize their song lyrics and just vibe

@forestg0ddess

ok i can’t use friend anecdotes with you lmao bc you’re a part of them but you remind me of the feeling i would get when i would go play in the snow as a child and pretend i was an arctic explorer

@jenphobic

you remind me of getting to drink lemonade while lounging in my neighbors pool as bees buzz past and i get vitamin d from being outside

@jhlovebot

you remind me of looking at the stars at night out of my window and thinking long and hard about how small and yet significant i am in the universe

@junghoesucc

you remind me of when i first discovered good memes on tumblr and spent hours scrolling through here liking any post i could find and laughing until i cried

@leethotmin

you remind me of the day i got my old cat oddly enough, the surprise and happiness and love that i felt getting her from the shelter and bringing her home

@ghoulnights

this is definitely because we’re talking about it but you remind me of when i watched twilight for the first time and would then get excited for rain because it was a “twilight day”

@starlightstae

you remind me of a fall evening when it’s still warm enough to be outside and i sit outside with friends at a bonfire eating smores and telling scary stories and gossiping and then getting really deep really fast

@crytaeby

you remind me of getting berries and peaches from a nearby farm that i like to go to and then taking them home to bite into fresh fruit

@honeyrap

you remind me of my senior year when i went in to talk to my favorite school counselor about college and getting so so excited to go and finally feeling like it was something i was happy to tackle

@baekseok

you remind me of getting to go to a muse concert my freshman year of high school and being fucking stoked and the sheer bliss of experiencing live music from my favorite band

@namcelestial

you remind me of a particular summer when i would stay up late watching a shit ton of anime for the first time and playing tennis and finally getting good at it

@equigay

you remind me of when i finally came out to my friends in high school and we all went to pride together and had such a good time running around buying stuff and watching the drag show

@joonsrack

you remind me of when i first listened to mono and felt so at peace with the world (and in love with namjoon alsjf)

@7blueside

you remind me of the first time i asked my crush out to dinner and got so many nerves but was also beyond excited to go and then had a really good time

@angtaelic

you remind me of when i have really good dreams and wake up early in the morning and go back to sleep just to finish the dream

@h0neyline

you remind me of watching run bts episodes when i’m bored and then end up binge watching them for hours because i have such a good time

@love4hobi

you remind me of spending time with this one friend i had in high school gym class where we would shit talk the whole time and also get into deep convos and both surprised each other at how well we got along

@seokjinsyaah

you remind me of watching movies when i was younger and getting so emotionally invested in them that i would have a whole roller coaster ride of emotions from them and come out of them a new person (ok i still do this)

@blossommoons

you remind me of when i get into a flow state while doing art and then come out of it and realize i’ve produced something kinda beautiful and cool and i have no recollection of doing it

@jins-kiss

you remind me of listening to my dad play guitar in another room and getting to hear a part of his past while he plays songs he used to tour performing

@breadlov

you remind me of going into the woods by myself on a sunny day to run and listen to music and encountering cute dogs and friendly people and getting to take pictures of the lake nearby

@bwintan

you remind me of when i talk to my friend from high school tennis and we just shit talk like crazy and say absolute nonsense but it makes sense to us

@mintedmango

you remind me of staying up late reading avatar the last airbender fanfiction in middle school (yes years and years after the show ended) and daydreaming about being a bender

@xuxiscult

you remind me of the first time i watched catallena by orange caramel and fell in love with nana and then subsequently got into a bunch of girl groups

@lovenamjoonie

you remind me of the first time i ever listened to the song tongue-tied on the radio and lost my shit at how good it was and how much of a bop i got to listen to

@rayofyoongi

you remind me of having family dinners with my friends and sometimes making it a murder mystery so we woud get dr*nk or h*gh and have a blast figuring out who the “killer” was

@jour-de-printemps

you remind me of having sleepovers with friends that i really love and getting to have fun and be stupid and also getting to talk about what matters to us

@caprisunmom

you remind me of when i was very little and hung out with these girls that really liked farm animals and we would play with their shit ton of figurines and planned out a whole city with them

@angeljk

you remind me of when i get home from being out and about (not recently though !) and lay in my bed with the fan on and just get to lounge and relax for a moment by myself

@softesthobi

you remind me of drinking tea on my back porch at night listening to the tree frogs and getting to look at venus and the moon

@vitamindfromhobi

you remind me of when i get messages from my most chaotic groupchat and i never know if it will be a crazy meme or 40 minute video explaining the status of the world (both are welcome)

@vampirevhs

you remind me of when i got ready to go clubbing on new years a little faded, putting on fishnets and cute makeup and then going to a drag show and dancing

@joonary

you remind me of getting to spend a whole day writing or painting and being so content with the world

@21stcenturyghouls

you remind me of halloween shopping and getting the cutest decorations for my room and home and then getting to decorate it all spooky

@jinie

you remind me of when i used to wait for the train in my university’s town and would be so excited, chilling with a snack, to go home for the weekend and see my friends

#ask #anon #sorry this is atrociously long i hope the read more works #and all the tags

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joaquinfeed · 4 years

Text

You’re Like an Angel (Joe x Reader)

Prompt: You and Joe (You Were Never Really Here) have been casually dating for awhile. He’s let a few comments slip about his past, but nothing too revealing. Soon enough, you experience first-hand just how troubled and damaged Joe really is. Any dialogue or thoughts in italics is stuff Joe is remembering from his past.

Warnings: Cursing, descriptions of death and blood. Mentions of abuse and trauma. Bad coping mechanisms and suicidal thoughts.

A/N: I’m not sure how many will even read this fic since the movie isn't that popular. But I spent some time on this one. So, maybe give it a read? I tried to keep Joe in character as much as I could.

60, 59, 58, 57, 56,

Joe's fingers gripped the pill bottle like it was his only lifeline. His eyes ran over the dosage information before flickering up to the cashier. He could see the young man's mouth moving, but no words were coming out. The boy held up a white baggie containing the rest of the medication. He scanned the barcode of each bottle like Joe was his only customer for the day, and he wanted to make it last.

Other New York residents piled behind him, but he kept his eyes trained on the cashier's movements. He could feel the glares of everyone else bore into the back of him as they waited.

Stand up straight.

Joe's fist clenched around the orange bottle, the words of his late father ringing so loud in his ears he didn't hear the small crack of the plastic. His other hand carelessly brushed over his tied-up hair before wiping off the beads of sweat sticking to his face.

Stand up! Only pussies and little girls slouch!

Joe slammed his hands onto the table in front of him, his breathing coming out in ragged puffs.

"What?" Joe asked the cashier whose mouth hadn't moved since the outburst.

"I- I said your total is 18.50."

He dropped a twenty onto the table and ripped the bag from the guy's hand, rushing to get away from the prying eyes of other shoppers. He was out the door before he was handed the change.

55, 54, 53, 52, 51,

"Mom, I'm back," Joe said to his mother as soon as he came through the front door.

"Joe, come here, come here," she said from her spot in the recliner.

"What is it?"

"Look at the TV," she pointed. "Our song's on."

'A, You're Adorable' played quietly in the background of a children's commercial, as his mother hummed softly to the lyrics.

"Yeah, it is," Joe agreed before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up. "Let's get you to bed."

"Janice loves this song. You should tell her we heard it."

Joe froze at the mention of his exes name. Janice. Before her, he had tried to date several women, all of which ended up leaving him. For years, he found himself to be incapable of maintaining a long-term relationship. Every girl he kissed, touched, or felt connected to—they all thought they could change him—fix him. He knew he was incapable of being fixed. Janice was different; she was there for him until his plan to escape the outside world, and all it's horror eventually pushed her away. It was his fault.

"Mom, I don't talk to Janice," Joe sighed. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

While he helped his mother up the stairs and into her bed, his mind drifted to you. He hadn't mentioned anything about you to her yet because he knew it wasn't serious. You both had been on a couple of dates, and even had a couple more planned, but the odds of it lasting weren't high. So, Joe kept his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was another woman for his mom to question him about.

50, 49, 48, 47, 46,

Once Joe was back in his bedroom, he pulled out his phone and sat at the end of the bed. His fingers searched his contacts for your name, while his other hand grasped his knee. The line only rang once before you picked up.

"Hey, I didn't expect to hear from you tonight," you said on the other end.

"I didn't expect to call tonight," he retorted.

"Okay," you said. "Your call wasn't unwanted, though."

The line went silent. Joe wasn't sure why he called at such a late hour; if he was honest, he really just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

When he didn't respond, you spoke softly into the phone. "How was your day?"

"Good," he lied, letting his hand run over his beard. "How was yours?"

"It was okay, just busy."

"Tell me about it," he said before laying back onto the bed. He closed his eyes and let the recollection of your day soothe him for a moment's notice.

"And then, to top it all off," you said, finally nearing the end of your story. "I'm at the store, right? I turn around and see a dead girl lying on the floor."

Joe's eyes snapped open. "You saw what?"

"I saw a little girl pouting on the floor," you repeated. "I have never related to anyone so much."

He exhaled. His psyche was playing tricks on him once again. Images of dead bodies struck his mind like lightning. Kids upon kids laid lifeless in transporting vehicles—all the people he couldn't save from the savagery of sex trafficking and other violent crimes.

"Joe? Is everything okay?"

What pained him even more were the kids who screamed for help as he stood watching, helpless against the gun to his head. Jobs would go wrong, and he was forced to admit to himself, once again, that he failed.

Help me! Please help me! Don't let them take me again!

They'd cry out to him in such anguish, but he could only watch. He was as useless then as he was for his mother during his father's spells of anger.

"Hey," you said. "Are you still there?"

"I've got to go," Joe hastily hung up the phone, not waiting for your response. He threw the phone onto the bed and got up to pace around the room. With every step, a new face plagued his mind—tears dripped from the kids' eyes as they begged him to keep them safe. He rarely did.

45, 44, 43, 42, 41,

Joe moved to the closet where his arms tugged on an old, mucky box full of plastic bags until they all came floating out onto the floor. He slid his back down the wall of the closet until he was sitting—bags all around him. With shaky hands, he pulled a loose sack over his head, clutching it hard enough around his face to cut off his oxygen.

"Where the hell is Joseph?"

His father's voice rung out through the household. Joe carried his little feet across the floor as fast as he could, hoping to get to his hiding place before his father caught sight of him. At nearly 10 years old, Joe could identify at least three spots in the house where his father never searched for him—cabinets, under the bed, and his closet. He often opted for the closet, where he'd pull grocery bags or plastic dry-cleaning holders over his head to drown out the noise of his mother's wails.

"Stop! Stop it! You're hurting me," she'd cry out. Little Joe pushed his hands up against his ears so tightly, they'd be red for hours after the incident.

He was scared of his father back then, and so he let his mother take all the abuse. Had he not been hiding, he would have been the one facing his father's wrath.

"You're weak. Weak, weak, weak," he repeated to himself like a mantra. He knew it was only a matter of time before you figured that out and left him like the rest.

40, 39, 38, 37, 36,

When morning came, he awoke from a thud sounding out downstairs. He stayed in bed a minute longer, wishing his blanket would swallow him whole. Without any luck, he pulled back the covers and went downstairs to find the source of the noise.

Stepping foot into the kitchen, the first thing he saw was his mom's head lying still against the hardwood table. A broken bowl of cereal was turned on its side, leaking milk that ran from the dish to the end of the surface. His eyes followed the droplets as they hit the ground, joining a stream of red liquid to create a pink puddle on the floor.

Joe's breath came out in fast shudders as he approached his mother's figure. He pulled her face up to see a plastic piece that was missing from the bowl lodged in her neck. His fingers grasped the broken part, yanking it out in one quick motion; he watched as blood shot out in spirts, covering his clothes before he could make a move to back up.

He turned around after laying his mom's head back on the table and walked slowly out of the room. He kept his steps light and his ears peeled for any trace of movement in the house. His head snapped towards the living room when he heard what sounded like a vase fall. He rounded the corner to see a tall, slim-figured man dressed in black, looking through a pile of receipts on the coffee table.

While passing the cabinet, Joe grabbed his hammer that he kept locked away, and with one quick swing to the head, the intruder was left bleeding out on the floor.

"Fu-fuck," the wounded man choked out. "Don't kill me. Don't kill me."

"I think I already have," Joe said, bending down to lay the head of the hammer on the man's stomach. "Why did you kill my mom?"

"I was told to! I- I only work for somebody, man. I don't know anything about her. I don't have anything against you."

"Who sent you?"

The man kept quiet as quick and panicked gasps left his mouth. Joe ran the end of the hammer over the man's stomach, light enough to tickle him, before pulling it back and slamming it into the guy's stomach.

"Who fucking sent you?"

"Carl. C-Carl.”

"Carl, who?"

"Carl Alcott," the dying man coughed out.

"The club owner? Fuckin' fuck," Joe dropped the hammer, and his hands slammed into the ground with force. He knew that exchange from a week ago was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Influential people don't like to be messed with.

"He's- he's- comin' for," the man's words ran together as his breath started to leave his lungs.

"For me?"

"No- no," he said. "For- for your girl."

35, 34, 33, 32, 31,

As soon as intruder took his last breath, he stuffed his body into a trash bag along with his mom's and drove them to the lakeside. As he left the city and got further into the country, his mind started to wander to you.

For your girl. Your girl.

His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight with shaking arms, he was swerving in and out of the lane. His tires screeched every time he raced around the corner, desperate to get the remnants of the bodies out of his backseat.

When he went on dates with you the few times before, he had briefly opened up about his past. He thinks he can recall saying something about a rude father, or his time in the marines and the police force. He may have even let it slip that he's seen piles upon piles of decaying corpses. He never once mentioned his new work in fear of scaring you off.

As soon as he dropped his job in law enforcement, he sentenced himself to a lonely life. The small number of friends he had, plus any relationship he conjured up, fell apart. He abandoned any wish to be happy since he couldn't protect any of the people who came near him; his mother was a testimony to that.

You were something else, though. He had bumped into you on a whim, not expecting your smile and personality to slam into his heart as it did. He agreed to one date, trying to escape the bleakness of his everyday life. But for some unknown reason, he kept coming back for more. One date turned into two, three, and four; before he knew it, you were basically his girlfriend—without the title, of course.

When he pulled up to the lakeside, he dragged both bodies out to the small bridge that ran from side to side. He attached each of them to a cinderblock and pushed them one-by-one over the edge.

"I hope you rest easier here than you did in life, mom," he said into the air.

He wondered what it would be like to attach a block to his own foot and drown with the rest of them. He wondered how that would feel—how you would feel.

He couldn't do it though. His suicidal story that he contemplated often was pushed aside in the past because he couldn't leave his mother. Now that she was gone, it appeared to be the perfect moment. But, again, he had somebody holding him back.

You were being threatened with the ultimate price, and he'd be damned if he let you suffer for something you had no part in. He was determined for once in his life to save someone important to him; he would not let you be another statistic in his head.

30, 29, 28, 27, 26,

He arrived at your apartment after going back to his and changing into a blue long-sleeve shirt, jeans, and charcoal vest. He knocked three times against the door and waited.

"Joe," you said, looking surprised to see him on the other side.

"I came to see if you wanted to go out right now, like a little date."

"Oh, sure," you smiled, and Joe couldn't help but offer you a small smile in return. "Let me just grab some money."

"I've got it. You know I've got it."

"You paid the last date," you reminded him. "You said I could next time."

He sighed, running his hand through his long locks. If he was going to get through this meal with a good conscience, he had to be the one to cover it. He knew your relationship was coming to a stop tonight. For your safety, he decided it was time to end the connection between you two—even if it'd hurt like hell.

"Please, just let me pay," he said.

"Okay," you agreed before shutting your door and joining your hand with his. "You look good today."

As soon as he got to his car, he pushed your body gently against it before capturing your mouth with his.

"I was going to tell you that," he said in between kisses. "You always look good—so perfect. And you’re all mine tonight."

You hummed against his lips, moving your hands up from his soft belly to his strong arms. "Not that I don't love this, but is everything okay? You're not usually this…"

You trailed off, and he backed up only slightly, letting your hands fall from his arms so he can intertwine them with his own.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," he assured you while pulling open the car door for you to get inside. Once you were secured, he went around and got in himself.

You smiled at him as he took off driving. "Where are we headed to?"

He took his eyes off the road for a second to smirk at you. "I'm not telling you."

"No fair," you pouted jokingly. "At least give me a hint."

"Not a fucking chance," he laughed—a real genuine sound—which is something he never does. You chuckled along with him before comfortable silence fills the car as you drive to the destination Joe picked out.

25, 24, 23, 22, 21,

He parked his car in a small parking lot and got out to open your door, mumbling something about 'keeping your eyes closed.' When you're told to open them, you're met with a worn-down diner that looks to be in the middle of nowhere. The windows are tended with the words 'Maggie's Place' scrawled across the glass. The building is painted red and white, with checkered lines running down the sides—a design that was quite popular in the '60s.

"Wow," you said, not knowing what else to say.

"I know it's not a fancy date restaurant, but my mom used to bring me here. This place is important to me."

"No, it's perfect," you told him, honestly. "I love it."

He nods in relief before leading you inside. You're quickly seated by a young waitress who looks to be no more than 17. Joe ordered a coffee while you looked over the menu for something you'd want.

After you're done ordering, the waitress turned to Joe. "Is there anything else you'd like, sir?"

He stared blankly at her, trying to remember where he'd seen her familiar face. "What?"

"Would you like anything else?"

He shook his head and watched as she slowly walked away, staring at him the whole time she's departing. He knows that's not likely to be accurate; she probably left to the kitchen without a single glance back. His mind, however, sees her gaping at him—just like the other girls he couldn't save.

He exhaled. "What the fuck are we doing? What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

Your voice broke his delusion, and he snapped his head back to your face, which is sporting a concerned look.

"Nothing, nothing. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," you said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"I don't know," you shrugged. "Whatever has been on your mind since I met you. You know, you hung up on me last night?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Stop apologizing, Joseph."

"Don't call me that," he barked at you, his fist clenching the side of booth tightly.

You snapped your mouth shut at Joe's harsh tone. He had been angry before; you'd seen it first-hand but never directed towards yourself.

"My father used to call me that," he muttered, his words still sounding loud in the otherwise quiet diner. "I don't like it."

"I won't do it again," you promise. "How's your mom?"

He paused, fully prepared to go with a lie. As he met your eyes though, he couldn't will himself to deceive you further. Instead, he shook his head while taking in a deep breath through his nose.

"Actually, she passed away."

Your eyes widened. "What? When?"

"This morning."

"Oh my God, Joe," you breathed out, your mouth opening and closing, trying to find some way to console him. "That's- I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he said softly. "She'll be happier now."

"How—if you don't mind me asking—did it, you know, happen?"

Memories of earlier flooded his head--the blood oozing from his mother's body like a river; he could almost see it on his hands now.

"In her sleep," Joe mumbled, hoping that was satisfactory enough to stop the probing. He didn't want you to find out, especially during your last date—not that you knew it was the last.

"I know she meant a lot to you," you said, placing a comforting hand on his. "She would have been proud of you for putting yourself out there with me. I'm just sad I never got to meet her."

"She would have liked you," Joe admitted with certainty. "Probably a little too much. She'd have you singing 'A, you're adorable' in no time."

"A, you're adorable. B, you're so beautiful, C, you're a cutie full of charms," you sang, playfully.

"D, you're delightful and, B, you're exciting and, F, you're a feather in my arms," he sang back, smiling towards the end.

The waitress soon delivered the food to your table. You and Joe ate in silence, with a few comments made here and there about the food or something that popped into your heads. After paying the bill and leaving a rather sizable tip, he drove you back to your house.

20, 19, 18, 17, 16,

Neither of you wanted the date to finish, especially Joe, who knew he wouldn't see you again.

He dropped you off, but before leaving to walk into your place, you asked, "do you want to come in?"

He nodded. "I have something to talk to you about, actually."

"Oh, well. I wasn't inviting you in to talk, but we can do that too," you joke.

The joke falls flat—Joe was too busy worrying about how you were going to take the break-up. Not seeing him chuckle, or even offer a smile, you became concerned.

He followed you inside to your living room, where he sat on the couch while you went to the kitchen to grab a drink. He was on his feet in seconds when he heard the sound of a glass shatter on the floor. When he got to you, you were standing in the middle of the room. A man with a different build, yet dressed similarly to the one who murdered his mother, stood behind you—a gun pressed up against your skull.

Joe quickly looked you over to see if the man had hurt you yet. Besides your trembling body and sporadic breathing, you looked to be physically fine.

"Let go of her," Joe spoke calmly.

"No, I don't think I will," the man replied.

"J-Joe," you stuttered. "What's going on? Who is this?"

"Stay calm, baby," Joe spoke softly to you. "It's going to be okay."

The man behind you laughed. "Oh, Joey. If only you would have been in here sooner. Just like all those other times, huh?"

The room fell quiet; all that was heard was the air leaving your mouth.

"The laws of man, they don't apply," the gunman sang while smiling. "When blood gets in a woman's eye."

Stand up! Only pussies and little girls slouch!

Don't let them take me again!

Where the hell is Joseph?

For your girl.

The memories wouldn't stop screaming in his head—every bad thing said to him from birth until now. The urge to leave and hide in his closet was unbearable; his hands scrambled to his ears, trying to stop the voices that were getting louder and louder.

"Joe," you yelled out as the gunman took advantage of his opportunity and started to drag you out of the kitchen. "Joe!"

You struggled against the larger man's clutch, trying to get an edge on him. He nearly got you to the front door before you heard a loud blast echo through the house. The guy's grip on you loosened, and you watched as he dropped to the ground.

15, 14, 13, 12, 11,

Joe's arms slide around your frame before you even notice he's there. You keep still, gawking at the body lying at your legs. His blood was seeping through his shirt, already creating a pool of red by your shoes.

You felt strong arms pulling you away from the scene, and only then did you look at Joe.

"What- what," you stumble, glancing between him and the man on the floor. "Why did-why?"

"Come on," he said softly. "Don't look at him."

Too shocked to resist, you let him lead you outside to his car. He sits you inside, placing a kiss to your forehead.

"I'll be right back," he told you. "I'm going to clean up. Y/N, listen to me. Do you hear me?"

You nod faintly.

"Please don't go anywhere," he kisses your forehead again, lingering a little longer before going back inside to wrap the body and clean the floor.

You watched him come back out fifteen minutes later, a human-shaped trash bag in his arms. You fight the urge to open the door and run for your life. You're not sure what Joe was planning to do with the man—with you.

He shoved the body in the trunk and made his way to the front seat. The silence that loomed over you both this time was not one of comfort like all those other drives before. No, this one was full of tension and emotional turmoil.

"Are you okay? Do you want a soda?"

You stayed quiet, not answering his questions. You rested your head on the window, watching as the city buildings got fewer and fewer. Joe decided it was best to take you to a small park in a country town far outside the New York City limits.

You listened to the radio, soft music by Rosie and the Originals played in the speakers.

'It's just like heaven being here with you. You're like an angel, too good to be true. But after all, I love you, I do. Angel baby, my angel baby.'

10, 9, 8, 7, 6,

It was nearing dark when Joe finally parked the car. Neither of you knew what to say or how even to start the much-needed conversation. So, you decided to take the plunge.

"Are you going to kill me now?"

Joe gaped at you like you'd just asked him what his name was—like the answer was obvious.

"Of- of course not," he stammered. "Fuck, Y/N. I would never do that."

"You just shot someone, Joe! And who the hell was that? Why were they holding a gun to my fucking head?"

"Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down," you cautioned, taking off your seatbelt so you could turn towards him. "What do you do for a living? How do you know people like that?"

"I rescue people," he said, and you scoffed. "I know that doesn't sound right, but it's true. I rescue missing people, usually kids."

"So, what? You're a cop?"

"Not exactly," he trails off. "I- I was sort of. Then, one day I was at a crime scene. I found a truck full of Chinese girls. They- they all had been kidnapped to be trafficked. I found them, but it was too late."

He paused, his voice cracking on his next words. "They were already dead."

The air in the car was getting heavy. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes as Joe recounted the events that led him to his current occupation.

"The man who killed my mom," he started. "Carl Alcott. He's coming for you. I don't mean to scare you, but he knows you're with me."

"Okay, so we'll leave."

Joe faltered. "You want to stay with me?"

"I do. That might seem crazy, but I do."

He considered it for a moment before shaking his head firmly. "No. You can't. This can't go on. We have to end this here before it gets too serious."

"I just saw you shoot someone," you reminded him. "It's already serious. I'm coming."

"No, Y/N! I refuse to let you be another person that I couldn't save. You have to leave alone—move very far away. You need to change your number, your bank information, everything."

"I'm not leaving you," you stated.

Joe grumbled, his mouth twitching in anger and pent up emotions. "Everyone always has! My father beat the shit outta my mom, and I just hid from him. I was too late to save those girls, and I've had too many children be ripped from my sight because I couldn't save them. I'm weak. I can't save you. I'm weak."

His whole body shook as strangled sobs escaped his lips. He brought his hands up to cover his face before he moved them down to tug off his vest and shirt. He was desperate to get out of the material that was making him feel too claustrophobic in the small car.

Once both of his tops were discarded to the back seat, you finally reached across the middle console and pulled Joe into your arms loosely. He clenched your shirt as his father's words,' only pussies and little girls slouch,' played through his mind like a broken record.

"It's okay. Let it all out," you said against his ear, rubbing a soothing circle over his back while still being mindful of his bruises and cuts. "I'm right here. I'm not leaving."

"You- you should."

"Maybe so," you said. "But I don't want to."

"You can't fix me."

"I don't want to; you're perfect the way you are. I only want to try and make you happier."

He retracted his head from your shoulder to meet your eyes. "Why?"

"I- I think I could fall in love with you," you admitted, shrugging slightly. You saw the onset of panic flash through Joe's eyes, so you quickly kept talking. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted to tell you that."

He wiped his face of any tears and sighed. "I think I could fall in love with you too."

A smile tugged at your lips for first time since the date, and he again felt himself smiling right back.

You watched him put back on his seatbelt, and you swiftly copied his movements. "Where are we going to go now?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"I think we should probably do something about the body in the trunk."

He looked at you and laughed. "I think you're right."

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

It didn't take long to dispose of the gunman; after all, it wasn't Joe's first time. Before long, you were set out across the country to go wherever your hearts desired.

In the midst of the drive, his hand found yours across the console. And for once in his life, he didn't feel the need to run his car off the road.

#joaquin phoenix #you were never really here #Joe x reader

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 3 years

Text

My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part three: Evermore

Basically this is just a series I’m doing where I write down my feelings on what each of the Taylor songs means to me personally. Part one was my relationship with It’s Time To Go, which you can find here and part two was Right Where You Left Me which you can find here.

Before we get started I want to give a quick trigger warning that this particular post is going to talk about sexual violence, suicidality, and revenge porn, so please keep that in mind if you’re someone with a history of those topics.

Anyway, with that being said, this is how I personally relate to this song.

Evermore

As a whole, this song feels like a recollection of all of my darkest times as well as a reminder that even though it felt like those moments would define the rest of my life, I have reached a point where they no longer do. It is also a good reminder that timing and love are such important aspects in life and sometimes you have to trust and rely on them to get you through the rough times, even when there’s no solid evidence that it will work out, because that’s all you have.

Gray November, I've been down since July

2011 was an absolute shitshow for me. It was my final year of high school (year 10 where I live) and two of my closest friends had just moved across the country. Likewise, I had two friends die in the space of a month, one from a brain tumor and one from a suicide that I witnessed. And to top it all off, it was when my family issues really started ramping up. Just when I thought that I was moving forward and starting to recover and find my footing from all of that, July 3rd happened. In short, on July 3rd, I non-consensually lost my virginity, a concept that was very important to me at the time as a Christian teen, to multiple men. As a result, I spent the next year and a half in a depressive and suicidal state over the events of that night and regressing the progress I had made from the other bad things that had happened in 2011.

Motion capture put me in a bad light

A few weeks after the events of July 3, I had found out that those events had been filmed and distributed on porn websites. It took almost a year and a bunch of legal action to get it down and I remember going to school each day in fear that one of the boys were going to announce that they watched it, or worse yet, I would be called to the psychologist’s office because one of the teachers had seen it, and the one area that I could be “my usual self” was going to be taken away from me.

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone trying to find the one where I went wrong. Writing letters addressed to the fire

This line feels very reminiscent of my relationship with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in general to be honest. Like through triggers, nightmares and just general feelings of not being able to move past it, I was forced to consistently revisit both the trauma of my friend’s suicide and the gang rape. As a result, I used writing, both fictional and not, as a mechanism to discover and express my emotions and try to figure out how a “good girl” (yes I did have a lot of internalised misogyny issues at the time before someone says it) had gotten herself in that position. At the end of the day, all of the pieces I wrote ended up as unsaved drafts on my first laptop, but it was a very therapeutic and “healthy” way to figure out what had happened and how I felt.

And I was catching my breath staring out an open window catching my death

The events of July 3 made me agoraphobic to the point of not leaving my house for the remainder of the holidays I had and only leaving when I did because my parents forced me to go back to school. It took another two years to feel comfortable outside my home and to this day, certain environments (loud places, night times etc) still make me very anxious. It genuinely felt like I was going to die in that room, and though unhealthy, feeling the icy cold breeze of Winter nights on my skin was the beginning of my deliberately unhealthy habits as it felt like the only time I felt anything at all. This later translated into actions like excessive drug/alcohol use, self harm and forming bonds with people I know weren’t good for me so it also reminds me of sticking my head out of car windows if I’m honest.

And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be for evermore

This is pretty self explanatory. At the time it really did feel as if that pain was all there was of my life anymore, and as a result, I almost ended my life at seventeen.

Hey December, guess I'm feeling unmoored. Can't remember what I used to fight for

Moving forward in my life, this line reminds me of the destruction of my family. Yeah, yeah, it always comes back to this I know. A warning for anyone who is already sick of me talking about my family in these posts, all up there are 39 songs in Taylor’s current discography that remind me of them so it’s going to be a very common theme and you should leave now if it bugs you. But as I was saying, this line basically encompasses what I feel about that whole situation and the damage it did now. Like there’s this part of me that feels like I don’t have a good, stable place in my current reality and just feel disconnected because like fighting to keep us together was literally 23 years of my life and now it’s just not because things didn’t work out. And because things didn’t work out and somehow (barring my mother) everyone is surviving just fine from what it seems, it just feels like that fight was not worth it and I can’t see why I stood my ground for so long anymore.

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost

Despite knowing the signs of my family falling apart were present long before we fell apart in 2015, and certainly more before I accepted it in 2017, it is still impossible for me to comprehend that. All I can think about is that moment when it hit me that I was going to have a future without a family of any kind. Like none of the signs leading up to that live rent free in my mind in the way my father’s last words to me and the devastating realisation that I had been delusional for ever thinking things would work out does.

Sending signals to be double crossed

Basically just a reminder that my family fell apart not because I didn’t try hard enough or didn’t voice myself enough, it was because those signals weren’t received because the people who were meant to receive them didn’t want to and sent them out into the abyss in order to fulfil their objecting desires.

And I was catching my breath, barefoot in the wildest winter catching my death and I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be for evermore

When I cut off my father in late 2017 after accepting him, my sister nor extended family wanted to reunite with my mother, brother or I as a family, I was in a moment of time where I didn’t have time to fall apart. I was in the middle of a university semester, dealing with a manipulative acquaintance tearing apart one of my friendships, and dealing with my mother’s far more concerning suicidality. But as a result of continuously trying to fake it til I made it, I fell apart and 2018 led to almost a full year of me feeling as suicidal as I had in 2011. And while I was now better equip to deal with that thanks to therapy, there was definitely an overarching feeling of “well if I can ‘recover’ and feel great just for this to come back years later, what’s the point of getting better? I’m never going to recover from this” for the better part of the year.

Can't not think of all the cost and the things that will be lost. Oh, can we just get a pause? To be certain we'll be tall again

After my family fell apart in 2015, nearly every moment of my time was dedicated to three things; my mother’s mental illnesses, working to make sure we didn’t become homeless and my university degree. As a result of that and issues my partner had to overcome, the relationship fell through, But as part of that, we ended up meeting up a few months after and discussing the idea of getting back together. However, while there was nothing more that I wanted at the time, realistically I knew that it wasn’t the time. The same issues were still occurring and unlikely to change in the short run and I knew deep down we’d end up resenting each other if we went head first back into a romantic relationship without resolving those issues. And quite frankly, after everything I had lost, I felt like I couldn’t lose him too. So I asked him to wait to give us our best chance at a future together.

Whether weather be the frost or the violence of the dog days. I'm on waves, out being tossed. Is there a line that I could just go cross?

There are two scenarios I think of when considering this line.

Following the above, the first I feel like this was pretty much how my partner felt after my family fell apart. He was suddenly thrown into a rough (potentially triggering considering he lost his family too in his childhood) situation where he was barring the grunt of my reaction to the situation without any type of benefit given I wasn’t even spending any time with him or considering his feelings because I was so wrapped up in my own. And in that, he was just trying to find a point where he could help me and our relationship would be on good terms.

And then, again, it feels like 2018 for me personally over again. Like I spent every day feeling like I was drowning and just trying to get through to the next and just trying to find that one switch that would make me feel non-suicidal again.

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you. In the cracks of light I dreamed of you. It was real enough to get me through. I swear, you were there

Throughout 2018, there was nothing physical that I could hold onto to get me through the days. Instead, I had to really lean into my friendships, many of which didn’t live in the same city I did so couldn’t be physically present, and the hope that one day this would all pass and I’d be living my imagined best life with my partner. And it did, and I thank god everyday that it did.

And I was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step and I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar this pain wouldn't be for evermore

November 2nd, 2018. Perhaps some of you recognise that date as a certain Reputation Sydney show date, as you should. Look, I’m not one for saying music saves lives. I find that far too simplistic and takes away from the effort the person made to save their own life. But my god did that night make me want to save my own life. After almost a full year of feeling suicidal, something clicked in me while watching one of my closest friends (who ironically wasn’t meant to be there, another friend dropped out) screaming out to lyrics to the Long Live/New Year’s Day mashup and 22. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt loved and appreciated to the point where I stopped missing everyone I had been missing and overall just felt happy. It was genuinely as if I had found that switch and from that day have bounced back and not felt anywhere near as terrible as I did in 2018 or 2011. And you know, while those days will probably come back, after defeating them twice, I know that any days like it that are in my future won’t last and ultimately I will be happy.

#evermore album #evermore #taylor swift #about me

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dayseternal-blog · 3 years

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Can you name some naruhina angst fic that really ruined you, like reaaaaallyyyyyy? I'm in the mood for some ugly crying sobs 🥺

:( Okay. I always end up rereading fics when I make these lists, so here we go, together 😭 I’ll list all the ones that have made me cry, and some that didn’t make me cry but still upset me. Also, I can’t handle memory loss AUs, so I’ll put those on here, too.

I think like, half or more of these have a sad or inconclusive ending. Some of these I’ve recc’d before. I hate a bunch of these lol. And then I reread them anyway lol. Why.

NaruHina Angst

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant 'I want you'; that lingering touches whispered 'please', and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave'. But she couldn't tell you what they were to each other for the life of her.

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“The Ring that Binds” by softwind - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata are married. So why is Naruto calling “Sakura” in his sleep?

“In Another Life” by theGeneralissimo - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. In which Naruto listens to his mother's advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it.

“Mistake” by Cherry1315 - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto falls apart, and, unfortunately, Hinata has to pick up the pieces.

“Until the Day I Love” by BluBlooThalassophile - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Everyone is recovering from the war.

“Hidden From Sunlight” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. How different could Naruto's life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around' is truly hardly around at all?

“April - Too Late/Missed Opportunities” from “Still Falling for You” by @chloelapomme - Rated T, College/Modern AU, One-shot. After her 3 years away for college, Naruto decides to confess.

“you totally almost killed me that one time (it’s okay I still love you)” by @itachiboutit - Rated G, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Naruto, a promising baseball player, returns to Konoha Prep, and, without so much as even a “long time no see,” hits a ball into Hinata’s face. (This isn’t really angsty...but I get really upset in Ch. 4 and cry a lot every time.)

“Asylum AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Modern AU, One-shot. What's to say what's real and what isn't? The only thing that's valid and true in all universes is their love for one another.

“Memory Loss AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites - Rated M, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, One-shot. I LOVE YOU. Will I ever hear those words from your lips again?

“Easier For Me” by @tenney-shoes - Rated T, Amnesia Canon-Divergent AU, Two-shot, Complete. How will Hinata handle waking up with no memory of how she got there?

“On the outside looking in” by @char-lotteral - Rated E for smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto’s in love with his best friend’s girlfriend fiancee. And he’s not moving on.

So that’s...yah.

Unhappy Fic Reading! 🥺

#anon #naruhina fanfic recs #naruhina fanfic rec list #naruhina angst #if you're in the mood to kill your naruhina heart #just take a knife to yourself and proceed with a click

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unfortunatelysage · 4 years

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I apologize for writing so much dark g/t

tw: death, corpses, breaking of bones, implied gore

Everyone deserves to be lain to a peaceful rest when their time has come. No matter their size.

My brother would tell me this through my entire childhood, which fueled his need to find our dad- wherever he may be. Along with this, he would tell me the stories he remembers of Dad swinging across cupboards and around cats effortlessly, a symbol of grace and bravery.

“He had the world on his fingertips, bringing home enough in one trip to keep us full for a month!” Nate recollects happily, using his arms to support his speaking.

“Can you borrow that good yet?” I ask in reply, hoping I can become that good of a borrower someday. I always feel bad for Nate- he’s only sixteen, he doesn’t need to do all of this borrowing yet to support both of us.

“My goodness, no,” he responds. “But once you start borrowing, we’ll be an unstoppable team. Isn’t that right?”

“It sure is! I can’t wait to help!”

When Nate was twelve, just learning how to borrow, Dad’s luck was drawn thin. Captured and killed within a tight fist, right in front of him. I was still in the wall. Nate ran back into the wall before he saw where the bean took our father.

I was four years old. It would take me until the age of seven to understand what happened.

Nate has made it his goal to raise me and find Dad’s body to have a proper burial for him. Once I fully understood what happened, I followed along in his goal. Ages 10-14 essentially, I spent my time learning to borrow early and juggle self-support and finding what happened to his body. No luck on the latter, as expected. Things changed one day when I was fourteen.

Nate, now 23, gives me instruction on how to move across other rooms without getting caught. Within his lecture, a hand swoops out of nowhere and takes him.

Screaming, I grab my hook out, preparing to throw it out to him. “Run! I’ll get out of this!” Is all he can shout, and I know better to go against his words- they’re my sole safety guide.

So, I run. I run, swinging across handles and jumping corners, the way I’d been taught by Nate and the way I imagine Dad had done. By the time I get back to our place in the wall and hear an agonizing scream with an abrupt end on the counter through the crack, I know Nate won’t be coming back.

I didn’t leave the wall for a few days.

Now I’m 17. It’s been three years since Nate, and thirteen since Dad. I’m on my own now, equipped with my ever-fading memories and self-learning. I never learned what happened to Nate either.

“Nate? Why don’t we leave if we know the bean will hurt us?” I ask.

“Because,” he says, unpacking his bag of this week’s rations. “We still need to find Dad. Once he can be properly mourned, we can leave. Are you ready to leave?” A soft smile spreads across his face.

“Yes!” I shout, but my hands fly to my mouth. You can never be too quiet. “But he was crushed, wasn’t he? Why would you want to see him so messed up?”

He pauses, exhaling. “It doesn’t matter what he looks like on the outside. He’s still the same old Dad on the inside, and that’s how we’ll remember him.”

I can support myself fine. Though I’m not as confident of a borrower as my brother and father, I guess that confidence is what costed them in the first place.

Slowly, I creep around the corner. Maybe I’ll find one of them in this new room. I’ve never been too keen on blood and gore. If I find one of them, I know they won’t be in very good shape- especially dad. Thirteen years likely doesn’t age a corpse well.

It’s been a lonely existence without them, seemingly a waste of one. Though I don’t remember my dad too well, Nate was my closest and only form of company. Without him, I’m alone with my thoughts. A duo split up.

Once I’m seemingly in the clear, I draw my pin and look around for shelves and tables that beans like to keep knick-knacks. It’s a strange and gruesome tradition, but they often keep dead things for decoration.

Footsteps. No. I’m too far away from the wall in the kitchen to run. I’m only left with hiding. I dive under the couch, and feel the footsteps come nearer and nearer. Soon, I see a wicked smile appear in front of me, and a hand reaching for me.

I stick out my pin, ready to stab the bean, but it’s no use. They’re wearing protective gloves. I’m soon snatched up, meeting their eyes.

“I got the last one. Perfect,” they murmur. “Did you really think you could skirt around me for your entire life? When I’ve spent so much time studying your kind?”

“Where are they?” I ask, tears brimming.

“The other two? Donated to science. We made a deal that my name will be credited to your species, so long as I show extensive research on it and catch a third one. Dead or alive.” Their voice is laced with venom. They know their intentions well.

“Well I’m alive, so why kill me?”

“Because if you somehow run off like your kind is always able to do, you’ll tell other ones. My chances of getting more will be squandered. Now brace yourself, this might hurt a bit.” Their wicked smile returns.

So the entire time, Nate and Dad haven’t even been here. I’ve been searching in the wrong place the whole time. I can’t fully process all my thoughts as I feel my insides being pressured inwards, my bones beginning to crack.

I let out a scream in pain. This is all going to end before I can do anything about it. My vision fades, with that bastard’s smile being the last thing I see. I won’t even get to rest in peace, much like my family.

Everyone deserves to be lain to a peaceful rest when their time has come. No matter their size.

#g/t #g/t community #giant tiny #giant/tiny #gt #gt community #giant #tiny #gore warning

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petty-revenge-stories · 5 years

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Pick on me for two years, your stuff goes for a swim.

From about the age of 7 to when I turned 12, I used to attend swimming lessons at a pool that a local high school rented out to the homeschool program I was part of. I was a pretty awkward kid... think 'stereotypical fat comedic relief character, but as a child', so I attracted my fair share of bullies. However, part of my awkwardness was due to my relative intelligence at that age, I won't fail to mention; I was a devious little fucker, enough to where my parents and teachers had begun to distrust me in... shall we say 'suspect' circumstances. This meant that if I wanted to do anything sneaky and get away with it, planning was required. *(Also, it bears mentioning that my smarts pretty much evened our with my peers by the end of high school.)

About 2 years into my tenure in this swimming program, I've formed a real rivalry with these two little shits--I'll assign them the nom de plumes of 'Ken' and 'Jack'. I brought most of the bullying I got from them down on myself, but that didn't excuse it to my young mind at the time. Probably still doesn't excuse it either way, but I'll give them the benefit of admitting that I was just as much a little shit as they were. I was never wantonly mean-spirited in the way they were, though.

These guys were the popular, too cool for school proto-jocks, as well as being inseparable pals. Their coolness and friendship resulted in them basically claiming for their own the separate small locker room that acted as an airlock of sorts between the main boys locker room and the main hall of the school. Probably to keep the reek of chlorine out of the school-proper while maintaining fire codes. But I digress. Pretty early on, Ken and Jack claimed exclusive rights to use that room as their personal embarkation suite... and as such, they thought it private enough to never bother actually putting their things in one of the available lockers.

Needless to say, this is foreshadowing.

One day, I had finally had enough with Ken and Jack, and I started plotting. I spent the next 3 lessons paying careful attention to how long it usually took for the back and forth from the lockers to end, and figuring out how soon after we were all accounted for was too suspicious a time to ask to go to the bathrooms--conveniently located in the locker rooms. I waited for at least two other boys to enter the bathrooms and return before making my move; in case anyone discovered what had been done earlier than I intended, I needed plausible deniability. There really was a good chance for me to get caught if I didn't cover all my bases, and I wasn't going back to the clink--not again.

No, Mr. Swim instructor, I did not really need to piss--I was, in fact, pissed, and on a mission. I walked nonchalantly into the locker room, entered Ken and Jack's private abode, and found what I was looking for left haphazardly on the benches; the little shits' personal affects. Into the sink (conveniently just adjacent to their little VIP room) and under the water went their socks, underwear, shirts and pants. Last but not least, their fresh towels took a drink, too. With everything laid out and left to drip back in their sanctum sanctorum in as close to the same formation they had been left in as I could place them, I made my escape with no one the wiser.

Here's where things get interesting. As I had foolishly shot my mouth off about a month previously (before I'd decided on my scheme--I mean, hell, I was freaking 9, I wasn't a genius, even if I was clever for my age) that 'someone should go into that locker room and dunk Ken and Jack's stuff in water', I knew that I would be suspect #1. Aware that I would be fingered for the crime, I waited another hour after doing my wicked deed, and then used the bathroom again... I then came out and reported to our teacher and our swim instructor how upon this second visit, I discovered that someone had soaked all of Ken and Jack's things. Knowing that the question of 'how did you find out when they were in a separate room out of your way' would come up, I side-stepped it and made the biggest bluff I have gotten away with in my life to this day... in the most convincing flippant attitude you've ever seen from a 10-year-old, I said "Oh, I was going to do it to them because people had been talking about it a few weeks ago. But I went in to do it and somebody had already done it. I was just going to soak their socks or something, but whoever did it went too far."

My teacher and swim coach gave a speech to the whole class about respecting other peoples property. The both of them pulled me aside separately and gave me a heart-to-heart about honesty. "But why would I report it if I had done it? That would be really dumb." I told them.

And they freaking bought it. My own hyper-suspicious, wring-the-truth-from-a-dead-man's-corpse, Sheila Broflovski-esque mother bought it.

To this day I still feel really bad about lying to the swim instructor. He always tried to do right by me and do what he could to stop Ken and Jack from picking on me, but in the end the actual authority lay with our teacher, and she didn't do squat. He looked me right in the face, fixed me with that dad-ish 'Okay, I'm going to take you at your word' look and told me he believed me.

As no one had any spare normal clothes for them to borrow, Ken and Jack had to face a one and a half hour ride home in borrowed swim trunks, which put the kibosh on the plans they'd had later that day (also part of my plan), and everybody was laughing at them over the whole ordeal. The bullying actually pretty much stopped after that, and they seemed to have a really deflated sense of pride following the event. I made sure to always lock up my things in case they decided on counter-revenge, as they insisted I must have been the culprit.

The extra flair I've given to this story may seem like padding, but to a 9 year-old home-schooled kid, this was as close to James Bond-level shit as I was ever likely to get away with, so my recollection still carries a dramatic tone, even over a decade later.

TLDR: Bullies at swim class got their only clothes and towels soaked, I pulled a master-level bluff by 3rd-grader standards to get off scot-free, ruining their day and their pride, and making them fear my future wrath enough to leave me alone thereafter.

(source) story by (/u/AetherSprite224)

#pettyrevenge #by /u/AetherSprite224 #petty revenge #revenge story #petty revenge stories #revenge stories #last10

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