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#I know I've talked about it here on tumblr so worst case scenario this is just a nice lil inside joke only a few people get. STILL FUNNY TH
tervaneula · 9 months
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Aaaaaaa gosh @spacemimz and @wraenata THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I have never opened up a new canvas as fast as I did when I saw your butterfly suggestions ououghfgh
Old man Mikey so happy and in peace ;-;
We also get an extra because obviously I'm going to take this chance to doodle the wife Draxum:
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unorthodoxx-page · 30 days
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A Tale of Spirits Status and Other Updates (Long Post)
I've gotten a lot of questions about A Tale of Spirits and its hiatus status over the past few days (months lol). I've been mulling over this post for a while now, avoiding it if I'm honest, but I've gotten to a point where even I can't avoid the writing on the wall.
So, let's start with what's holding me up. Over the last ten-eleven months, I've been dealing with a nerve issue in my wrists and hands (both, if you can believe it). Now it's nothing super serious (we haven't had any surgery talks, thank God), but it bothers me constantly throughout the day, and having an office job doesn't really help. It's crazy to go through some of these older Tumblr posts because my hands were bothering me even then, but I didn't want to admit it.
Long story short, I feel like I'm caught in this...loop of trying to heal. I'll have really good, consecutive days, and when I think I'm on the right track, something happens, and I'm pulled right back into it. It's frustrating, demoralizing, and terrifying all at once. I try not to spiral into worst-case scenarios with this whole thing, but my hands are numbing while I'm typing this. So....yeah, it's slowed my writing practically to a halt. I can bang out a couple hundred words here and there and focus on one-offs since they don't feel so...daunting, but chaptered anything mentally makes my hands twitch. My long sessions are gone at the moment and this leads me to that writing on the wall I mentioned earlier.
I don't know when A Tale of Spirit will return.
Man, that hurts to type. ATOS has been a part of my life for almost two years now. I've grown so much from this story, and my writing has evolved so much from this story. I have so much fun with ATOS. I mean, that's the point of fanfic, but I have fun with ATOS. I go back and reread parts, and I laminate past narrative choices as if those words are written in stone. I snicker while working out dialogue and really (and I mean really) let loose with action choices and experiment.
Hell, I have AUs of this AU on my drive lol. I owe a lot of my growth and confidence to ATOS. I mean, I read every comment and every Tumblr message (and I mean every comment). The support and love this story has received makes me believe that I'm not as terrible of a writer as I thought, that I might actually hack it in the literary world, so it's devastating that I can't put all my energy into this or my personal work.
To be honest, I'm still halfway in denial. I know I'm going to finish this story eventually. I love it too much, but I can finally admit that I'm not sure when that 'eventually' will be. Geez, I should've written this a while ago, but denial is a blinding thing.
I tackle writing when I can, but the nerve thing has thoroughly pulled me into a slump.
I'm going to update ATOS to say indefinite hiatus and put this same message on AO3.
I'm not saying goodbye to ATOS. I was deep in my unposted arcs before all of...this reached a peak even I couldn't ignore. I was really doing something with April, Zuko, and Suki (fun dynamic, by the way). Azula's been fun to play with, and angry, fed-up turtles have been a challenge in a half, so I want you guys to see that one day.
So, there it is. I know this is closure for some of you, and you all deserve to know what's going on with ATOS. I know this update will be a relief for some of you because now, there's no more guessing. The dreaded 'indefinite' has been typed and sealed in digital ink (dramatic, I know).
I'm going to leave it here because I don't know how to end this post. I'll be around, lurking in possible (short) one-shots and slowly chipping away at ATOS. So, until then, rest, rehabilitation, and copious amounts of books and music to listen to.
See you soon.
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billygoat26 · 2 months
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Well, uh... in advance, sorry for the shift in overall mood. Just felt like I should do this..
Just in case the stupid KOSA bill does get passed tomorrow (I won't be on here during the time it's going thru discussion and I don't remember how long stuff like that takes) and- worst case scenario- everything gets taken down...
It was amazing making new friends on here, ranting about random fandom bullshit, posting stories that I know I'll never finish yet having the support anyways...
Even if I never met any of you guys in person, I guess I sort of saw you guys as friends/family. (Yes, I am one who considers friends as family) It just sucks that we all might have to lose a part of our family...
You all have been amazing, and god forbid it all does end, I will miss you all... the (digital) memories made here will remain as long as my memory lasts. Seriously- and if this all sounds stupid, sorry- when shit gets rough I can always count on you all to cheer me up. Even if we don't talk to each other at all that day, just seeing your posts makes me smile.
Places like these provide relief from the stresses of life and from the darkest parts of my mind. I look forward to when I get to check in here each day, to see what chaotic shit I missed, all of it.
So, if ever I find a way to continue what I've been posting on here somewhere else, I'll have the same exact username (or if someone took it, something similar or somewhere in the description I'll say that it's billygoat26 from Tumblr)
But hey, on a slightly different note, we still have time between now and when the bill goes in for discussion! Please, do everything you can to stop KOSA from getting passed!
I can't bear to lose more family
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aroaceconfessions · 10 months
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I want to write a book and I have the characters and a plot and notes of scenes but I can't actually sit down and write it and I know exactly what the problem is, it's anxiety. It's been an idea for a while- pre realising I'm aro and the plot went through some revisions after I figured that one out, and that got the idea pouring out. And it is a very aromantic story- the antagonist is more the personification of amanormativity rather than an active villain, and it just works as the story of my protagonist coming to terms with she's aro and she's never going to be what they want her to, and that's ok. So I really want to write it! And I want to share it with people because I spent so long being just confused and calling myself nothing because I didn't know aro was an option, I want it to be there as something someone in the same situation as eighteen year old me can pick up at the library and find an answer instead of waiting years, but that means publishing and that means people find out. With fanfic I can hide behind a screen and only talk about it in the places I'm specifically going to talk about it, it's not being sprung on me, but I live in a small town, I already get stopped by strangers who want to talk because they know my mum a bit through something, there are days I can't deal with that. And I've seen the way people on the internet treat others, all the putting up on a pedestal and cancelling and bullying to come out, I refuse to use twitter anyway but I really can't deal with that. And maybe most of all, my brother is the only person who knows I'm aroace outside of hiding behind my screen on tumblr. He's great. I'm sure other people will be great. But my brain is really, really good at thinking of the worst possible case scenario and I figured out I was ace then ace discourse almost immediately started, that's why it took so long to find aro too, I found this word and these people like me and then all that, all the awful things that got said to so many people, being told that it's a symptom of my chronic illness and I would be "normal" when that's "fixed" and I was wrong when I thought I finally had an answer, I'm too afraid to tell people in real life, what if everywhere becomes like that. Amanormativity's everywhere, right now when it's aimed at me just as me it's ignorance and I can brush it off as that, if people knew then there would be some turning malicious, and I don't know how to have the conversation, I don't want to have to have that conversation, I am just one very small coward in a very big world. So I just keep sitting here staring at a blank page knowing what the words need to be but not able to take them out my head and put them into the world because I am too afraid of what the consequences might be.
Submitted June 13, 2023
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zephyrbug · 1 year
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Not sure if you gave this blog permish to use your art but they posted it. There's a link back to your blog, but given you're already on tumblr feels a tad odd to have done that and not reblogged? https://fantasy-inspiration.tumblr.com/post/712247881790324736/by-zephyrbug
I most certainly did not give them permission thank you so much for letting me know I have contacted them to hopefully get this removed (and I'm just gonna use your ask to talk about this a little bit)
I've been having A LOT of issues with people stealing my work this week! On Twitter some folks trying to scam people with my art claiming it's theirs and trying to get commissions, lots of people reposting my stuff without permission on Reddit, Instagram, and now Tumblr. So I just want to reiterate that I DO NOT ALLOW REPOSTING!!! While I know a lot of the time it is not done will ill intent it's actually harmful to artists to do this and often doesn't support them in the way you'd imagine. If you enjoy the art leave a like, comment, or maybe reblog (or retweet/share depending on the platform) these are ways you can directly support your favorite artist and if you feel very inclined to repost it ASK!!! In the worst-case scenario an artist will say no and you both move on from it.
Anyway, this just has happened a lot this week and I'm beyond exhausted with social media right now, but thank you to everyone who helps me find these it's nice to know people got my back here :,) <3
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intheticklecloset · 9 months
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☕ coffee shop update ☕
This post will talk about supporting me financially, which is absolutely NOT REQUIRED to continue enjoying my content. So if it's something you have no interest in or cannot do, I completely understand, and you're welcome to skip the details. But if you want to know more, it's below the cut.
Thank you for your continued patience and support. 💖
~~~
For those who have been keeping up with my life updates, you know that I'm currently seeking a major career change due to some unfortunate workplace circumstances. I'm still on the lookout for a new position, but the search has not been going as smoothly as I'd hoped, and until I can find something secure, I need to stay where I'm at for the moment, which is taking its toll on my mental health.
As I've considered other options, doing paid commissions again came up as an idea, but I don't want to (at least right now) for a couple of reasons that I won't bore you with. The point is that, after some consideration, I've come up with something that I like better and I think may work better for everyone.
I've added the option for monthly donations on Ko-Fi, starting at $5/mo. That's $60/year, for those who don't want to math (I got you). One-time donations are still an option as well.
Think of this working like Patreon, only on Ko-Fi, because that's what we're used to, and it's a lot more practical for what I'm going for here. I'm still going to create content right here on Tumblr (what exactly that looks like idk yet; I may have to just stick with coffee shots for a while), and I'm still going to share with EVERYONE and include everyone, both financially supportive and morally supportive. Any time I want input on something, I'll ask everyone here. But if you WANT to and/or are able to, donations are open and very much appreciated.
The benefit goes both ways. For me, less stress about money makes it easier for me to find another position without having to worry about the layover time or whether I'm making exactly what I used to before (based on what I've seen so far, I won't be), and less stress about work means more creative energy, which means I can focus more time on creating content, which is what I really want to do. I've had so much fun the last couple of weekends filling coffee shot orders, and it would be so cool to be able to do that more frequently in the future.
The benefit for you is, hopefully, more content. More fics, drabbles, etc., that I will retain creative freedom over. Rather than paid commissions, where I write what others want me to, I will continue to write what I want to and share it with you more often as time goes on. When my heart is really behind a piece of writing, I feel like it shows, and I want everything I share here to be of heart-was-in-it quality. (This isn't to say I'll NEVER do commissions again; I may be open to doing them again, just under different parameters. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Plus, the less I have to worry about finances, the more time I can devote not only to writing, but to discovering new things to write ABOUT, which will lead to new fandoms and shippings and whatnot that we can get excited about together.
Once again, financial support is NOT REQUIRED to continue to enjoy the content I create and share here. I'll do it regardless. The pacing may be slow and the road a bit rocky, but I'll do it. I love creating fun stories for you; it's always been my biggest passion to write, and helping me out a bit while I figure out life circumstances would be extremely helpful for me to get the ball rolling a little faster. But of course I understand not everyone can or may even want to do Ko-Fi support, and I got you. I won't be upset about it.
Worst case scenario, I'll keep doing what I've been doing and post when I can, when I have the time and mental energy to do so. I'll find a new position one way or another, and life will continue on. I fully understand that nothing may come of this. I just figured it couldn't hurt to try. It's not like it can make life circumstances worse.
Thank you all for your patience, understanding, and support as I navigate this new season of my life. I never thought a career change would be necessary, but alas, crap happens. Whether you support me through Ko-Fi or just cheering me on right here on Tumblr, I appreciate you very much. All of you good beans are the reason I decided to give this platform a second chance. Here's to making the most of it. 💖
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fonulyn · 3 months
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Hi!💛
I'm pretty new to fandom (beeing a young gal), so I don't really know the do's and don'ts of like interacting with people on the internet. I only started commenting because you gave me the courage (thank you, btw, for being so nice to me💛). I think I got so used to the hate and judgement on other platforms that I was (and still am) anxious about interacting with people on the internet. It's nice seeing people just rambling about what they like and just being nice all-round, but I didn't think I could do that, you know ?
So, do you have any recommendations? Or like, advice?
Because idk if I can just start talking to random people on tumblr, I don't know what mutuals are. Do i have to introduce myself or anything? I don't even know if I can talk to you (so you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to). So, any advice will be greatly appreciated, thanks💛
🍪
<3
i don't know if i have any solid advice because like anywhere else people have different preferences here too. but like, from what i've seen, people usually are very very welcoming to even random messages! so if you feel like saying something to someone, i think you can always message them! if they don't want to answer for some reason, they don't need to. but personally at least random messages always (lol assuming they're not nasty but you wouldn't!) make me smile and i love chatting with people :D
I'm still nervous messaging new people, too! but i try to think that best case scenario, i'll make a new friend, and worst case scenario they just won't reply so... not too bad even then :'D
most of the time if people make posts on their own blog that allow replies don't mind replies at all so if you have something to add or say then go for it! if they truly don't want people to say anything they have the option to turn off replies anyway. same with messages tbh, if they don't want them, they can turn them off.
mutuals just means that you follow them and they follow you back, like, mutual following. but personally i don't really care about that, honestly, it's always nice talking to people mutuals or not! so don't let that hold you back :3 and you don't need to introduce yourself if you don't wanna! i've gotten some really random messages about things and it's been a nice chat even tho i have no idea who the person is haha.
i wish you all the best and good luck with your online interactions!! 💖 and you can always, always message me if you wanna :3 💖
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not-poignant · 1 year
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When it comes to your original fiction did you post them on tumbler before making them available as an e-book. I want to write original work but am scared of posting it on here or a03.
Hi anon!
I actually personally (I can't stress this enough, this is a me thing) really hate posting (and reading) fic on Tumblr. You can't tag it properly and people can't filter it out effectively, it's a pain to read (lots of scrolling), and it's a pain to archive. So that was definitely never an option for me!
My original novels never went anywhere before they became novels, partly because if you 'dry run' stories like that, Amazon and other distributors can get tetchy and say it's no longer a first edition and sometimes even pull your ebooks offline without enough paperwork, lol. So I just...would not do that because even if it all works out, knowing how other authors have been treated re: this issue, I would not!
I'm a big believer in just kind of taking the leap and putting fic up wherever you feel comfortable. If that's AO3 or Tumblr, then do it! The fear is normal, it is a normal part of writing, and a normal part of facing that gap between 'only I've seen it' to 'now other people will see it.' The good news is you can always delete the fic if you don't like it. On AO3 you can delete any comments you don't like. But those kinds of worst case scenarios are incredibly rare.
What's (sadly) more likely is just that not many people will necessarily read it at first, until more people start finding your writing and your tags, and that can take a little time!
It can be good sometimes to sit down and really figure out what you're scared of re: posting a story. Because a lot of the fears have concrete answers:
Scared of people hating it? Most people will just click away if it's not their thing, and if they try and make it your problem, you can delete and/or block everything to do with them.
Scared no one will notice it? Well, that is actually a normal part of writing for almost all of us when we just start out. You're part of a huge community of writers experiencing exactly the same thing you are. You are never alone as a writer, even when it feels lonely. Sometimes you can find Discords and similar groups to get more notice, but often it's just a matter of taking the time to put more words out there.
Scared someone will be mean to you? Understandable! However, you don't deserve bullying from anyone. Block these people and then go find a space that feels good to you or watch something that feels wholesome or go outside or do something that doesn't feel 'chronically online.' (It's amazing how much trolls don't matter as much when you're looking at a sunset, or eating your favourite food).
These are all pretty universal fears in writing (and the arts) before posting something, and after posting something, and I wish I could tell you they'll all go away one day, but I think what happens for many of us instead is that we learn more tools to deal with these fears. It helps knowing that most folks get them to some degree, and most of us have learned ways to deal with them - that's why authors will tell you to block trolls and delete troll comments, and that's why authors will reassure you that they started out in a place where no one noticed them at first too, and that's why authors will sometimes talk about how folks have been mean to them and how they were impacted by it, but also remembered to ground / reminded themselves who their real friends are - and that doesn't necessarily stop the fear and the pain, but the solidarity can help.
Post your writing on Tumblr (ignore my personal thoughts on Tumblr fiction, that's just my feelings and they are not universal lol, lots of people love Tumblr fics), post it on AO3, post it on Tumblr first and then AO3 later!
AO3 is a great place to put fics, because you can write about anything and put it up literally any time, and even orphan it / make it anonymous or delete it if you want to. You have complete creative control.
You'll never get to see what's on the other side of your fears if you don't take the leap.
But it's also okay if you're just not ready yet. :)
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bramble-scramble · 1 year
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Once again, I'm benting because I'm so fuckign stressed. Tumblr, and the internet as we know it could come crashing down so soon. Look up 'Google vs Gonzalez'. I'm going to cry. It's all going to be over...
Hey there! Sorry for the late answer, been a busy workday. I hope you're feeling better right now.
Honestly I am surprised I haven't heard of this, considering that yes, this has potential to reshape the internet, paticularly the way social media/search engines work, as they're all driven by algorithms.
(for those who don't know what we're talking about, I don't really have time right now to try and explain what I've learned from my research, but here's good coverage if you're up for it: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2023/2/16/23582848/supreme-court-internet-section-230-terrorism-cases-gonzalez-google-twitter-taamneh )
Note what I said above: reshape, not destroy. The internet was able to evolve in a certain way because of the way laws were shaped early on, and if things change, then websites - and the humans who run and use them - would have to find other ways to communicate and share our works. And we would.
What I want you to consider to help you calm down, is that 1) the Supreme Court interprets laws as they are written, but does not make laws in itself. Our current Supreme Court sucks ass but they can always be overturned by actual new laws being passed. It looks to me like many questions about the legality of big tech, online algorithms, and the promotion of content are going to come to a head here, and if it didn't happen in this case it was probably due to happen sooner or later in US lawmaking, either in the Supreme Court or in Congress. They are considering a law that's 25 years old and was written when the internet was a much different place and worked very differently, and it's honestly kind of astounding it's held for so long with little relitigation. If society widely takes issue with the SC's interpretation of the law, new laws can be drafted.
2) As I mentioned above, if there's one thing humans are good at, it's adapting and overcoming. Having gotten used to the ability to communicate and make friends and share works with people all over the world, people wouldn't just roll over and give that up. If laws (or the interpretation of them) changed radically, things may end up looking different but we will still find ways to stay in touch with our friends and make new ones. To quote the girlie in my avatar, "we will rise above!"
3) There's a significant, I would even say most likely, chance that nothing changes at all, as the Supreme Court upholds the status quo.
4) Even if the "worst case scenario" happens- I have to admit the plaintiffs have a point, and that algorithmically-served content CAN cause people to fall down rabbit holes of bigotry and extremism... it's definitely a big problem. So a case like this may be what is needed to shake up the internet, and evolve it toward a healthier place (in tandem with what I discussed in point 2).
5) I'm not sure but I think this would only affect companies operating in the US? Which is most big tech companies, but ones in other countries can take over perhaps? I know certain other countries have their own downsides like more stringent libel laws, but there's gotta be some ideal place to host services.
I'm no legal scholar but I hope this helps you feel a little bit better! Mostly we'll have to just wait and see what happens, but again: we'll be here for each other, we'll figure it out together, and we will rise above!
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rosethefangirl · 2 years
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I was able to approach the topic of gender with my mom yesterday, which was a conversation I have been thinking about and terrified of for months now. ❤️
And the whole conversation started with me explaining my plans and excitement of cosplaying c!Eret (!!) And she asked me why I kept swapping pronouns.
I hadn't really planned to talk to her about how I feel about my own gender, but starting there, explaining how some people use multiple pronouns, helped me break the ice and it lead to the conversation continuing, and it was genuinely an amazing talk. To be honest, I never expected it to go that well. I had created a lot of worst case scenarios in my head, and none of that happened. She even related to me on a lot of points, and pointed out some things about myself I had thought I had pretty effectively managed to hide. (She told me that "when you wear particularly feminine things that you're not comfy in, you look beautiful, don't get me wrong...but you shrink up on yourself. You don't stand tall." ...like, frick, man. 😭)
For a tiny bit of context, (because I know I've never really talked about myself here) I'm 22 and I've been comfy in my sexuality (pan/bi) since I was 17. I also came out to my mom immediately back then, and that was never an issue! I love her more than anything, but talking about gender identity felt like a whole other ball game. I feel pretty non-binary, not sure specifically what label but I know for sure that I like multiple pronouns (she and they in particular are great, but I'm also realizing how there are masculine terms I like for myself too! I'm testing things out!), and the best way I can describe how I feel (and the way I described it to her) is that my gender feels like an addition, like it all just adds, not subtracts. I still like she/her and feminine terms, but I'm also adding more on that also feel right! I think maybe the closest is genderfluid? Maybe???
and I know that's not clear cut, not simple, I don't know the label for it. I'm absolutely still figuring it out (if anything is proof to you that there's no time limit to figure yourself out, let it be this.) But I'm just happy she seems to get it, and I don't have to be as nervous forcing myself to fit into a neat little box.
So, yeah! Tumblr felt like the best place to type this all out. I'm so relieved and bewildered that our talk went so well, I felt like I had to write about it 😅
Bonus kudos to Eret for inspiring me to have the courage to actually have that conversation. It's really hard to be brave, and it's always inspiring to see someone doing just that. ❤️🏳️‍🌈 if you ever see this, thank you for all that you do.
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scumlafeccia · 2 months
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Coming from someone who was truscum in the 2010's, I think you being gendercrit and also chest dysphoric is a sign of some major cognitive dissonance and self-hatred that you really should talk over with someone outside of this hellsite. Doesn't necessarily mean you're trans—how you label yourself is entirely up to you—but you clearly have a complicated relationship with gender that will not be improved here.
That being said, I've been binding for years and can say with confidence that binders are very much a personal preference thing, so your mileage may vary with these suggestions:
Underworks: My absolute go-to for years. Their tri-top binders are my tried-and-tested favorite, but I also own a compression T-shirt from them that also binds pretty well, and I've heard good things about their econo binders as well. Sizes also go up to 3X, which is nice. The fabric can take some getting used to, being about three degrees of separation from trampoline material, but the arm holes being on the wider side makes up for that in my book.
Phluid: Honestly not sure if they even sell these anymore. I found mine in the back of a Spencer's, and I haven't found it online at all beyond a few websites talking about Phluid partnering with Spencer's to sell binders. That being said, the binder I picked up from them is surprisingly comfortable and binds incredibly well, so they're worth a shot if you do find one. Be wary though: they absolutely go by Hot Topic sizing. The sizes go up to 2XL and they run small. I'm a large in Underworks sizing, but an XL in Phluid sizing.
gc2b: More of an anti-suggestion. I never really liked their binders, and I've heard they've been using lower-quality materials in recent years. For me personally, the arm holes always felt too small for my comfort, and the fabric on the tanks had a habit of bunching up throughout the day (though this was about eight odd years ago so who knows). That said, they're the most fat friendly option that I'm familiar with, running up to 5XL, and have a wider variety of colors and prints. You'd probably be able to wear some of their tank binders out in public and just have people assume you were wearing a normal tank top. They might work out better for you depending on your preferences and circumstances.
In terms of general advice and suggestions: pick up a fabric tape measure if you don't have one already and take your chest measurements. If you wear bras already (like, ones with cup sizes) you might be able to guesstimate your chest size, but it's better to have more precise measurements for binders. Always, always check the size charts of any binder company you shop from to be sure you're buying the right size and, when in doubt, pick the larger size rather than the smaller one.
If the binder fastens with a zipper or clasp system, avoid it. Best case scenario, you're just getting a very low quality product. Worst case scenario, the pressure is being distributed very unevenly due to a flawed design that prioritizes profit over safety and you could bust a rib. No matter what binder you end up getting, don't do any strenuous exercise in it, try to stick to around eight hours of usage per day maximum, and hand wash those suckers (or at the very least use the delicate and cold water settings on your machine washer) to prolong the effectiveness of the compression material.
I hope this helps. Best of luck out there.
anon, you misunderstood. I have kind of figured out why I am dysphoric, and it's got nothing to do with being trans, even from a truscum point of view. I'm not looking to figure out my "relationship with gender" on tumblr, but I know that there's other women on here who are dysphoric and don't plan to transition, and I dont think it's bad to confront experiences. as for the binder suggestions, I've been keeping updated on tips on how to buy one since I was 14, and I'm not american so I'd need to look elsewhere anyway. thanks for the thought tho, that's appreciated
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dianight · 4 months
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About friends. Long.
You know that moment when you notice that one person that's not there? Say you were talking to someone on discord and then at some point you see the list of DMs and you see their name with the grey icon. Or perhaps in some game or platform, where it shows last online several months/years ago, even worse when it's shown in days.
I am terrible at keeping up with people. I'll go months without talking to someone and if I run into them for me it'll be as if I saw them yesterday while they are confused about where I've been since then. It's not intentional, I just get focused on whatever I'm into at that moment and at some point in the past I decided not to be the one "in charge" of organizing anything anymore. Choices with consequences.
When a friend has gone offline (you can't really contact them in real life) for long and I feel them missing, my mind goes dark places. Not only because I'm a very negative person but also because experience tells me what the most likely reason is. They are either very busy with school/work, they are in jail/mental facility or they are just gone.
I have not, nor will I ever attempt to kill myself. I'll keep living until I fall, and then crawl until I can't move anymore. It would be a lie to say I've not thought about it, and I don't lie. During the worst period of my life I cried myself to sleep many times. Awful. I live in a way that it never gets to that point again.
The fourth option aka something else requires their attention for a long time is also a possibility. They are staying off the internet for whatever reasons. Kids, family issues, friends in need, others and such. It is the least likely scenario in my experience.
Point being: I saw a friend's icon on discord. I have not seen him in months, but I don't know how long exactly. I take things for granted. He's just some dude I met thanks to the souls community. We talked a lot, played together for a bit and generally chilled while hanging out. I've asked a couple people in that "hey have you seen [friend] lately" kind of way, just in case someone had talked to him. Nothing. The first time was said in a curious way (it's been a while eh) but the others in a more cautious one.
I saw (online) a guy that knows him IRL. I thought about asking. It would be a bit weird right? Not really, he probably knows. But a part of me was scared. What if. That feeling of dread again. When your mind tells you what the most likely explanation is. I put it off for weeks. I just now sent him a DM, he appears offline and told him to answer whenever he wants (it's early here).
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There is another friend. Met her on tumblr. We didn't get to talk much, we didn't get to play together. I took things for granted.
Years ago, when I was in highschool I started playing quake live. Played that game for ~5 years, although the last two I was on university so my time playing was significantly lower. Met lots of people who I would spend entire days with.
One time someone joined the lobby and sent a message to let us (as in, our very small community) know that his brother had passed away, and had asked him to let us know. That was the first time I got informed that an online friend had passed away. It was shocking, we stopped the match and a couple people logged off. The dread hit me later. So, he's not going to play with us anymore? Just like that. I know it sounds childish. I was a kid.
Way more times than I'd like that same situation, or one that is similar enough, has happened. Someone letting me (or us) know that someone has gotten in an accident. Someone got in a fight that didn't end well. Someone took their own life. In real life I've lost several relatives to old age. Someone very close to me took a whole bunch of pills and had to get taken to emergencies.
I have no words to express what I want to communicate. The only way I feel like I can do it is by sharing my experiences, because I cannot fathom what it's like to lose someone that close to you.
Saw a few posts that sounded ominous. Went to sleep while "no way, no way" repeated in my head. Some other thing happened, not again. And then there was a confirmation. Devastated, wanted to cry and couldn't. What to do even. It happened again. This is what poetry is for I think, to put words together to express what cannot be expressed on prose alone.
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Another friend. Met him thanks to the souls community, again. He is relatively known when it comes to his "achievements". Not super famous, but well known enough that saying more would be doxxing.
Many months ago he stopped online activities, so to speak. No discord messages, no streams, no videos. He later posted a short note on his twitter about his mental health problems, attempted suicide and a brief recounting of his life situation.
He is alive, not sure if doing well or not. Taking a very long break from "the grind" (my words). I hope he is. I take it for granted he will be.
One time he DMed me at like, 4 am. This is a regular hour for me on night schedule but not for most people. We'd talked before you know, but not late at night like that. Just asking me how were things and such. We talked a bit more and told him to get some sleep (he had to go somewhere in the morning).
Later after I read his note I went back to check the date. It was barely a few days before. Was that one of those so called "cries for help"? Was I meant to dig more, comfort him somehow? No, that's how you end up thinking it's your fault or something equally stupid. I talked to him as a friend. I do not hold some sort of convincing ability to reassure people. I could be kinder, perhaps.
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Whenever I see people on tumblr mentioning those who they used to know, who passed away one way or another, is this how they feel? I believe the english word is grief. Insufficient. Limitations of the language.
There isn't a conclusion to this. I just saw some friend's discord name and got sad remembering. I either type it out or trigger my insomnia. It's 8 am the insomnia has been triggered 10 hours ago.
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justaredheadf1fan · 2 years
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The Emilia Romagna 2022 GP killing me softly
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Have I been around 5-6 hours shamelessly procrastinating instead of coming here and unburdening myself of all the shit that was going through my mind after that race? Indeed, I have. And now I'm basically writing this late because yes, I'm a fucking mess 🤦🏻‍♀️
Of all the shitshows I was considering possible for this race, worst case scenario was the chosen option, I see. In the words of Günther Steiner, paraphrasing... probably: fucking hell. No way in hell did I see this shit coming, honestly. I hope this is the last time this crap is pulled during this season, otherwise I might have a stroke before the season ends. Marina and I were talking during the race and we came to the conclusion that I've become her during season 2021. Which is true. I worried, I almost cried, I shouted at my laptop, I cursed my way through the whole race, I hated on plenty of the drivers, and so on. And for what.
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Anyway, I'm not sure I'll get passed this, it was terrible. No upsides, no fun stuff whatsoever. 1-2 from RBR + Lando 3rd 🤬, Daniel hitting Carlos in the 1st lap and making Carlos retire (not that I care much about Carlos, but good thing my boy went after the race to apologize to him like the teddy bear he is), Leclerc clowning (I'm sorry, darling, but you know it's true) at the very end of the race, Mick unfairly falling back to almost dead last, Lewis 13th (thanks to Ocon's penalty since he was actually 14th)... I can't even begin to describe the clownery on this one.
I might get burned for saying this again, but I'm truly angry at Mercedes. Like, seriously pissed off. From my perspective, as always, I see that yeah Toto apologized to Lewis for the shitty car, but Jesus Christ Torger Wolff, THEN DO SOMETHING USEFUL ABOUT IT SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO, MAYBE? Like, they have our guy there trying stuff nobody knows what for anymore, having more weight put onto his tractor of a car and on the other side you have George (nothing against him) calmly swinging by ending up P4 with the "same" tractor. Excuse me, what!? I'll say it once (again) and I'll say it twice and I'll say it indefinitely until proven wrong. This is the year Mercedes HAS TO give Lewis everything to win this shitty championship, it's not the year to make him lose it, with no one else to blame this time but themselves. Otherwise, all the promises made and all the pain have absolutely no meaning. And I'm not denying that engineers, mechanics and everyone in the team have worked their asses off, because they have, as they always do, but the result doesn't show it at all.
And now we have Karen Horner saying that Lewis is after all an "eight-time world champion". When you say something without thinking you, deep down you mean it and, in the words of George Russell himself, that's a FACT! Okay, I need to stop.
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Then, like it hadn't been hard enough already, I came to Tumblr to seek some solace after this crappy race, and what do I find? The saddest, most heartbreaking image from this day, Charles totally devastated after his failed attempt and resulting crash against the wall (ever so lightly that he could go on at least). I was sending an audio message to Marina while he crashed and I haven't asked her, but I was shocked at the very least, so the audio message must have been funny to hear 🥲 My poor little demon. It was a great effort, but ultimately wasn't bound to happen today I guess.
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Last thing I wanna comment on, even though I haven't seen it myself and I had to ask what it was about (remember, I've missed almost 8 years of Formula 1, so I had no clue this happened) before saying anything about it, but apparently some tifosi fans have showed a very racist banner that happened to go viral a few years ago, as usual being racist to Lewis. What a shocker, huh? Worst thing is that most (if not all) media have showed it without remarking how disrespectful and wrong that was. No, no, they just showed if for a good 20-30 seconds and said nothing about it. Good job, Europe. Very, very nice. As if the act itself wasn't bad enough, you all just gave them screentime. For fuck's sake. It's 2022 and this just never seems to stop. Can we be any more stupid as a whole? I wish I could say no, but I know it wouldn't be true. We seriously NEED to do better. We've learnt nothing, it's so fucking sad.
Next race: Miami. New track in the US, which I wasn't looking forward to (even though I'm one US fan, but for more tourist and simple reasons). I mean, didn't we have enough with COTA? Where's Germany? Which has 2 fantastic and crazy tracks where we could enjoy very interesting scenarios, but noooooo. Jesus. Let's hope at least it's a better one, I'm not asking for it to even be a good one at this point.
Until then, peace out darlings!
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youn9racha · 2 years
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feel free to ignore this but i really really need an advice huhu. so there is this writer i've liked for a long long time here on tumblr and a few days ago, she chatted me and said she wanted to be friends. i blushed so hard and we started chatting. we have a lot in common, she's really sweet. and she calls me sweet names, we exchange chats before we sleep and when we wake up, and i really wanna tell her how i feel but im scared she doesn't like girls and i might ruin what we have huhu
damn anon im sort of speechless when it comes to this, because i know that feeling really well.
you like this person very much but you’re not sure if the other person likes you/likes the gender you align with. im not sure if this would be the best advice you would hear but im trying my best and i hope this helps you just a little bit.
firstly, don’t jump in and sudden start telling them how you feel. it is pretty clear, but i feel the need to mention because i used to do that and i almost always get rejected because i discover they like other people/don’t like girls. so give it some time and when the time is right, start maybe telling her in a way where you’re not overwhelming either of you nor do you want to end their friendship.
secondly, try hinting it beforehand, just to see how she would react. obviously, i’m not saying do anything inappropriate or do anything that could make her uncomfortable. try complimenting or praise her differently than you usually do and see how should would react, there maybe you’ll figure out how she feels.
lastly, you did all this, but yet she still doesn’t showcase any signs of liking you/girls… i mean if you still love and care for her, i think it’s best you try telling her how you feel, but make sure you mention how much you care for her and hope nothing could change in the relationship. worst case scenario, is her rejecting you, but you wouldn’t know that she’ll change. you can only make it awkward if you make it awkward, and if she starts acting up and seems distant, then she’s not worth your time.
im sorry if the last one seem pessimistic, i really am trying to help you out, but honestly as someone who’s been continually been rejected idk how to give a good advice with that. but if you still want to talk about it, please dm me if you want <333
i really do hope she likes you back, i bet you’re an amazing and beautiful person. you’re doing great, and you’re awesome !!!!
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ghostly-march · 2 years
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ok here’s my vent tysm for letting me vent .
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ahh first, i'm glad you feel comfortable with sharing this with me, that's not always an easy thing to do. now for my response to the vent which i'll put under the cut since it's a bit long, i just wanted to respond to each one :)
i think that it's completely valid and understandable to have these fears and see where they come from. and i believe the best way to think about these fears is to think about it realistically because sometimes our minds make us believe in the absolute worst case scenarios or will exaggerate things.
with the first one about losing your friends on tumblr, oftentimes online friendships can be hard to keep because you may grow apart or become too busy to talk with each other, and that's alright!! i've had plenty of times where i became friends with someone on tumblr and then we ended up losing touch with each other (and that was probably two years ago). i think the thing is, you won't be able to keep every single friend you make on tumblr but what you can do is show them how much you care about them in this moment so that if you do end up losing them, whenever you see them on your dash or in your notifications, you'll smile at the memories rather than be sad about the loss :)
i think a similar thing applies with losing family/losing yourself. sometimes losing family members is going to be inevitable over time but just be sure to cherish the moments you have with them now so you can smile about them later :)) about losing yourself, i have definitely experienced this a few times and usually it's good to just step back from everything and talk to someone that you trust/are close with. talking with someone about all of this will definitely help with trying to find yourself again if you ever lose yourself.
with the something bad happening to your friends/family, it's normal to feel worried about that. it just means that you care about them. it think when your mind starts making up worst case scenarios and makes you anxious, it's always good to just take a breath and tell yourself that maybe they're just busy and think of realistic reasons as to why they haven't responded. it's something that i do all of the time whenever it takes a while for one of my friends to respond because everyone has their own life and sometimes life gets in the way of things so they're not able to respond as quick.
about the backstabbing, sometimes it's difficult to avoid it because some people may seem different than they actually are. i think taking your time with getting to know people will help you a lot with figuring out if you can trust them or not. for me, i tend to follow my gut and if it says that i can trust them or become friends with them, then i'll do just that.
the being annoying thing is also something that i am worry about a lot of the times. however, at least for me, constantly seeing you in my notifications makes me smile because it shows your support for my blog. i'm always open to interacting with others. if you're really worried about it, you can always ask blogs/other people if they're comfortable with it and what their boundaries are. i think you've been pretty good about asking about boundaries and all of that, so try not to worry too much about it!! :) although, i think a majority of the time, we often think that we're annoying but in reality, we aren't actually and the interactions are greatly appreciated.
then lastly, with the last fear, i can understand where it comes from however i will say that there is a relatively low chance of that actually happening. so i'd say just staying safe like travelling with a group of friends when you go outside and making sure you can contact emergency services just in case anything happens is the best thing you can do about that.
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Hi good evening I'm francine gala of HUMSS-A from Antipolo Rizal,I'm 16 years old please bare with me I'm just new here in tumblr app
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I've learned that Empowerment Technologies or E-tech is very important in our daily lives. I also learned that ICT deals with the use of different communication technologies like movile phones, telephone and internet etc. I learned more about mobile technology. I also learned how to be safe online and what are the different types of internet threats.We are becoming more effective upon using the technologies for good purposes because we are aware and knowledgeable of the way on how to behave online and also we become updated to the different accessible sites that we can access and explore to create different online activities.
Introduction to Information and Communications Technologies (ICT)
     From what I had learned about this topic, it is because of Information and Communications Technologies (ICT) that we are experiencing a life with less hassle on gathering information and at the same time understanding it. It is also known that with ICT life is made better and the day to day chores are a lot more easier to accomplish that before, and nowadays, the rise of technology is so rampant that it became so special that we human beings started to rely on it and we became very dependent on it. Here in the Philippines, ICT is very welcomed and acknowledged not only by the government and business industries but also by the Filipinos, given that almost every Filipino today has cellular phones, gadgets, and appliances. In addition I have also learned that with ICT you cannot only gather information but also disseminate them to other, for we have so many sites to do so, one type of site is a blogging site that where we can upload our own opinion and knowledge to be seen or read by the so called “netizens”.
Rules of Netiquette
            Now I have fully understand that surfing on the internet does not mean you are free to do what ever is it that you wish to do on the internet. keep in mind that internet is know as the “superhighway” of information, therefore if ever there are people who wishes harm upon you may use the information you had given on the online society to threaten you or in the worst case scenario, harm you. Also as a person who uses technology, like computer or smartphone, me and you, might as well all of us should know about the risks we are taking just by being online, and also what the dangers known as “malware” can do to our computers and the like. this is where the safety precautionary measures play its part, as a “netizen” and a computer literate, we must be aware on how to stay safe while we are online and how to prevent these malwares to infiltrate and destroy our devices by following some rules and tips, but these some may mean a lot bigger when the time comes.
Basic Computer Understanding and Skills
         Knowing the basics about computer really means a lot, today technology like computer is widely used and being uneducated about computer means being left behind, not only by the trend but also by the benefits we can get by using the computer. Computers are not not only used in the offices anymore but also in homes, schools and even in businesses like internet cafe. Now I’am very thankful to learn even the basics of the computer parts, due to the reason that I am able to use computers with ease and making my task done a lot more easier. Computers are complex devices but if you learn how to use them, you can eradicate the complexity and use it in your own advantage and benefit. Computers have so many parts within a single unit and is divided into two kinds, the software and the hardware that both plays a big role in the computer as a whole, if ever one of their branches are missing then the computer might have a difficulty of functioning and performing certain tasks and might also end on not performing the task at all. that is how crucial a computer can be, as far as my knowledge go.
Microsoft Word
            There is only one thing that keeps bugging me the whole time I was thinking about Microsoft Word, and that one thing is definitely unacceptable for me. The thing that I was talking about is, what would happen if this Microsoft Word did not exist at all? Then my answer would be; making a document will be more difficult, its either you type write it, use the Word Pad, find another application or just write it down on paper, imagine the hassle that every individual should undergo if there is no Microsoft Word. But the good thing is, Microsoft Word exist, thus making writing documents a lot easier with its given services and features that is definitely complete in its own class, and with its endless number of pages, you can make a document of a lifetime with Microsoft Word. In addition, Microsoft Word also comes in a mobile version which makes it portable and accessible wherever you are as long as you have your phone or tablet with you.
Microsoft Excel
            Does solving large amount of numbers with a lot of coordinates and items bothers you? Well in my case, yes. But worry not, for what I have learned is that with Microsoft Excel, we don’t need to scratch our head every time we are dealing with number, because Microsoft Excel is a tool used for solving mathematics. By the word “mathematics” it means every mathematical problem can be solved using Microsoft Excel, and it is very convenient, you just have to know the right functions and commands then you can just type in the unit of number and press enter and “boom” you then have the answer in an instant that’s how convenient it is to use Microsoft Excel. Judging by its name, Microsoft Excel really is “Excellent!”.
Microsoft Powerpoint
            Now this thing here is the Microsoft Powerpoint, a tool that is used to create presentation. If you’re going to ask me what does Microsoft Powerpoint do, then I’m going to tell you, try it on your own, because what Microsoft Powerpoint does is so many that it even outnumbered all my fingers from hand to feet, and there’s no way of explaining them all in just one sitting. Therefore, experience is the best teacher. But let me tell you this short summary about what I understand about Powerpoint, Powerpoint is much more like an assistant during your presentation, it can play video, showcase slides, perform animation, screen recording and much much more. You can name every single thing regarding presentation and Microsoft Powerpoint has it all. I can confidently say that Microsoft Powerpoint is the best presentation creator, and even become the mother of all presentation, but that’s just an exaggeration.
Imaging and Design for Online Environment
            It is very fascinating to know that Online Environment is not just all about the User Interface and User Experience, but also for graphical designs. I have learned some of elements about graphical design on the online environment such as balance, emphasis, movement, pattern, repetition, rhythm, proportion, and variety. These elements are all important, for they play their own specific role and they please certain types of viewers. Though not all viewers like a single type or element, then that’s the time the other elements turn to shine. In fact, these elements are the ones used by the most popular websites of different fields and targeted users e.g. Google, Facebook, Youtube, Rappler, and many more. In addition, there is also the so called, infographics which is fun and interesting, just by knowing how you can deliver information in a graphical way. It might be in form of animation or by giving the viewers a test of logic by letting them find out the meaning within a graphic art.
Online Platforms for ICT Content Development
            In this topic it is greatly appreciated that you are guided on making your own desired website, like using Facebook, a social media website that allows you share you share your wanted information, but still, with restrictions regarding web design, so if you like to be the boos of your website then WordPress Is the app suited for you. As what I’ve learned, WordPress is a tool that allows you to create your own blogging website, it is you who decide for everything, design, content, elements, dynamics, and anything with regards to a blogging site, name it and WordPress will have it. Now, with highly advance technologies, impossible is most likely becoming “I’m possible”, just like before the 20th Century, web developers and programmers are all professionals, spending how many years just to finish their course of choice, but now? Anyone as long as he or she is a computer literate, can create a website for him/herself by the use of Facebook, WordPress, Blogger, and the like. There is also a term called What You See Is What You Get (WYSIWYG) which means, though you are free to put in anything you like on your own website, you still need to be careful on your content, because your viewers can see everything and there is no such thing as “hidden files” or “privacy” on your website, and that makes you vulnerable to threats, identity theft, and anything that causes you harm.
Creating Infographics Using Piktochart
            As what I’ve said during my reflection on the topic Imaging and Design on Online Environment, infographics are so cool that you can disseminate information through graphical arts. Now anyone can make infographics more easier and portable, anywhere you are, you can make infographics through Piktochart with dozens of notable features and functions, like making a collage, editing one or more images at once, and making Gifs, just how fun could that be? I have learned that if you use infographics on delivering information, you can easily get the attention of your viewers rather than reading ad explaining the information onto them, and also note that it is much more better if the audiences or students in other cases learns and adopts more accurate and quick when they have their attention onto the topic given to them. Also it would be kept in their “well of knowledge” once they’re the ones who dug up that knowledge for themselves.
Creating Website Using Microsoft® Word and Jimdo
            Creating a website is not anywhere close to easy, if and only if you are using the Notepad or Notepad ++, then you’ll surely end up scratching all over your head, it’s funny but it surely is true. Now here’s the good thing, making a website or webpage doesn’t need to be so difficult and frustrating. Here’s why, you can simply use Microsoft Word to create your own website, and if you would like to add some dynamics, effects and additional function on to it, Jimdo’s got your back. In this lesson We’ve incorporated the use of these application or tools to simplify the process of making a website. You can make a simple but beautiful website in just 5 to 10 minutes, you like to do blogging? Then fortunately you can with your own website and so much more. You can just forget about those codes for a moment and start making your website with the help of Microsoft Word and Jimdo.
Inserting Youtube Videos on Your Blog Post
            If you like Blogging so much, then here’s a simple tip to improve and draw the attention of the readers to your blog posts, and that can be done by inserting youtube videos on your blog post. That is what I’ve learned about this topic and whats more interesting is that you can accomplish this task in 6 easy steps and you’re already drawing a lot of readers and viewers onto your blog posts. By adding a multimedia content on your blog, you’re making your posts more interesting and eye catching to the readers, and aside from that you’re making your Blogging site leave a big impact on the social society. Thus, making every single netizen want to come back and read your blogs every now and then. That’s the importance of putting a multimedia content on your blog posts, which also shows a significant effect and noticeable change that bring positive vibes on your blogs.
 
The Role of ICT in the Philippine History
            It is just new to my knowledge that ICT was widely used during the historical events in the Philippines. I learned that ICT does not only makes things or chores a lot more easier, but it is also able to alter the reality and change the flow of history, just like what happened in the EDSA (People Power Revolution). As the time is moving forward, so as the ICT advancement is moving forward, developing and evolving. At first Radio Broadcasting was used, after that, the text brigades, and then the use of social media sites to spread the advocacy and persuade the people to join a campaign or protest. In addition, ICT was not just used for protests and campaign but also to be a form of communication and tracker for the loved ones of the Overseas Filipino Workers OFWs in times of calamities.
 
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