#I should have definitely done one for B-15 :(

[onestickyboysstuff]

some loki valentine’s day cards, happy valentine’s day !!

#sorry about the last one #no regrets #I should have definitely done one for B-15 :( #but I couldn’t think of anything to write #loki #loki season 2 #lokius #loki series #loki laufeyson #mobius #mobius m mobius #loki odinson #sylvie laufeydottir #o.b. #time husbands #ouroboros #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston loki #owen wilson #sophia di martino #ke huy quan #valentines day #valentine’s day

[jhilsara]

I Can See You

Pt. 1/ Pt. 2/ Pt. 3/ Pt. 4/ Pt. 5/pt. 6/Pt. 7/Pt. 8/Pt. 9/ Pt. 10/

Pt. 11/ Pt.12/Pt.13/Pt. 14/Pt.15/Pt.16/Pt.17/END

Mariana Jimenez-Watson or MJ works in a normal pub living life paycheck to paycheck. Nothing exciting happens to her except the occasional drunk getting thrown out. She's 24 working away and finds a wrench thrown into her very boring life. His name is Hobie and she thinks maybe, a little excitement isn't awful. In fact she might start to crave some change for once.

Small moments of Hobie meeting his world's MJ. AKA I made an MJ variant and I think she's neat.

Chapter 13

Hobie’s over and they’re both just lounging on her couch. It’s a rare day she has off and so far, nothing crazy has happened to set off Hobie’s police scanner. He had been coming over more often. When he's not at her flat, she’s managed to wiggle her way onto his house boat a time or two. It’s nice for them to hang out and it not be at her place of work. Not that she doesn’t enjoy the pub, but she can’t have any intimate moments with Hobie.

Not that she’s trying to be intimate with Hobie, but they’ve definitely been touchier as of recent…

By touchy she means actively kissing her friend, who she doesn’t think she’s dating and doesn’t want to ask if they are. Mostly because she doesn’t know how she would even want him to answer.

Which is why instead of over analyzing her feelings for her best friend she’s instead choosing to push it under the surface and try to just enjoy the moments she does have.

She’s laying on the couch but her legs are drapped on top of Hobie’s. One of his hands sits in between her thighs, just holding her in place. His other hand is lazily drumming a soundless tune on her leg. His attention only half on the television playing in the background. His full attention is really on her as she tries to curate a perfect playlist for them.

“Should I organize it in a specific order or just let it shuffle?” She asks mindlessly as she’s scrolling through her music.

“It’s a classic mixtape if ya plan it out yea? Make the order matter right?” He hums to her in suggestion.

“Mmm I didn’t think about it like that. Oh!” She has an idea and sits up to look at him better. “What if we did it like a real mix tape? Side A and Side B, but like we curate one side each.” She says with a bright smile.

He nods in agreement, “I like that. So that’s ten songs each yeah?”

She makes a small noise of satisfaction and plops back down. “Let’s put them on a separate playlist and we can share them together when it’s done, it’ll be a surprise.” She suggests.

They had been doing this for the past couple of hours, just sharing music. MJ suggested they make a playlist to share with each other. It’s escalated into this mixtape.

She’s tapping away on her phone scrolling through song after song, “I don’t know if it’s harder or better that I only get to pick ten songs…” She murmurs to herself.

Hobie’s just watching her with a small smile tugging at his lips. It’s a real peaceful moment between them.

“Choices, choices, choices.” He whispers back leaning toward her.

She looks up from her phone to see him hovering over her with a smile. She pulls her phone against her chest.

“No cheating! It’s not fair if you look before I’m done. That ruins the point of sharing music.” She says giggling.

He rolls his eyes but backs away, keeping his hands on her thighs. “Fine fine, I won’t look.” He leans back into the couch and starts tapping an unknown rhythm against her leg.

Her face scrunches up as she looks through her songs, trying to find the songs she relates to. She is nervous about sharing her stuff with him though… Hobie actually writes and performs music. It’s a small added pressure she wasn’t expecting.

Hobie moves one of his hands to grab her cheek, making her look up at him.

“Relax, you’re thinking too hard about it.” He tells her in a soothing voice.

She rolls her eyes but gives him a soft smile, “I know but, I don’t know, I feel like I’m thirteen and you’ll be hyper critical over my music taste.” She mumbles.

He looks at her with a straight face, “I will be hyper critical.” He says in faux seriousness.

“Oh, piss off!” she laughs shoving him away. She readjusts herself to sit up and face him. “That’s not helpful.” She jokes.

He rolls his eyes, “MJ it’s fine. Whatever you put on there won’t change how I feel about ya. Relax.” He gives her a toothy smile and musses her hair.

She bats his hands away and frowns, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He grabs her waist and pulls her to his lap, wrapping his arms around her and slotting his head on her shoulder. “It’s fiiiiiiiiiiine promise.” He presses a kiss to her cheek drawling out his words. 

She turns to look at him relaxing into his hold. She hums in satisfaction at his response.

“Okay, I need to get up or I’ll get sleepy like this.” She tells him starting to wiggle.

He groans in response and locks his arms around her, “Too late, I’ve trapped ya with my superior spider strength.” He tells her jokingly.

She laughs and tries to worm her way out of his hold. “That’s not fair!” She groans in response pushing down on his arms. Which are definitely not budging.

He just grunts as a reply and keeps his hold on her, his laugh vibrating down her back. It sends a chill through her spine.

She opens her mouth to respond to him but before she can they both hear the buzz of the police radio. Hobie sighs and shoves his face into her back, groaning in annoyance.

They both listen in and catch something about a break in down a block of locally owned storefronts.

He releases his grip on her, “Can’t steal from the giant corporations like the rest of us, gotta be the mom and pop shops.” He mutters under his breath.

She just chuckles in response and turns to face him, giving him a soft kiss.

“Guess you better go then tiger.” She says softly.

His face heats up, “That’s new.” He chuckles a bit looking down at her.

Her face burns red, “Do you not like it?” she asks now a little embarrassed.

“No, no, no! I liked it, just different is all.” He chuckles nervously.

“Oh my god, okay, go go! Moments over.” She covers her face in embarrassment.

He smiles and tugs her hands away pressing a soft kiss to her, “It’s cute, like it.”

He pulls away quickly and backs up to her balcony, pulling on his spider mask, “I’ll be back, promise.” He tells her shooting a web and diving off her balcony.

She rushes over to door and shouts after him, “You better come back!”

She sees him wave back to her before he’s gone from her sight. She sighs and fidgets for a moment before walking back to her couch.

She opens her phone and starts shuffling through her music.

Hobie comes back to her flat, tired and with a sore back. Upon entering he notices she’s laying on the couch. He tries to not make much noise and peaks over the couch to see her passed out, phone in hand and music softly playing.

He gives a soft snort and gently pries her phone from her hands. He opens it and sees she’s been meticulously crafting her portion of their shared mixtape. He grins to himself and starts the playlist from the start. He’s too enamored by the thought of her sitting here the whole time fussing over what songs she was going to pick, it has him grinning from ear to ear.

He sits and listens to the playlist in order, it only take around forty minutes, give or take. He sits on the edge of the couch running his hand lazily through MJ’s hair, she doesn’t move except to turn over once.

She’s a deep sleeper and he’s thankful for that right now. He’s crafting his half of the mixtape as the music pours from her speakers. He’s jotting them down in his head. It’ll be a pleasant surprise when she finds it.

Once he’s done listening he takes her phone and adds his own half. Some songs are easy to add, others he had to think on a little bit. One just makes him chuckle a bit and he doesn’t hesitate to add it.

He finishes adding his half and looks over it, checking it one last time to see if he wanted to make any changes.

He nods to himself and sets her phone down. He looks over to MJ on the couch and decides she should probably be in her bed, it was late.

He picks her up gently, nestling her in his arms. She makes a small noise but doesn’t wake up. She squirms for a moment pressing her face into his chest, searching for his warmth. He presses a soft kiss to her forehead and walks her to her room.

He lays her down and she rolls off of him easier than normal. She sighs and nuzzles into her pillow, getting more comfortable.

He covers his face turning away for a moment, finding the moment too sweet. He leaves her room and goes to take a shower. He knew he was going to stay at her place the moment they were lounging around all day. Her flat was just so comfortable…she was comfortable.

When MJ wakes up she’s in her bed and she feels strong arms around her waist. She turns to look over her shoulder and sees Hobie pressed against her. He’s wide awake and grins as he sees her looking at him sleepily.

“G’mornin’ sunshine.” He murmurs.

“What time is it?” She asks, her words slurring together groggily.

“Probably around one in the morning. Maybe later?” He whispers to her.

She sighs and nods her head. She wiggles herself so she’s facing him and wraps her arms around his waist bringing him closer to her. She shoves her face into his chest and mumbles something under her breath.

“What was that?” He asks amused.

She mumbles again, voice still too low and words mushed together for him to know.

“Missed you.” She says more clearly, looking up at him, face red.

He grins and moves one hand to pinch her cheek. “That’s cute, say it again.” He teases.

She groans and puts her face back into his chest, “Not happening.”

“Aww c’mon? You’re so cute when you get like this.” He grips onto her waist and rolls them so he’s on top of her. He looks down at her, with an amused smirk.

Her face is flushed as she looks up at him. “Stoooooop you’re so-” she rolls her eyes.

“So charming? Funny? Delightful?” He lists off with a chuckle.

She groans, “More like annoying.” She replies.

“Ouch!” He holds his hand over his heart in fake pain. He drops his weight onto her pinning her in place. “Ya wound me! My ego, it’s crushed!” he groans in pain.

She’s laughing but also shoving him off of her, “You’re the one who’s crushing me!”

“Guess I’ll just delete my half of the mixtape then, if I’m so annoying.” He goads grabbing for her phone.

She sits up and snatches it away from him. “What?! You added to it?” She’s immediately opening up her music and looking through what he’s added.

He’s smiling at her and shrugs his shoulders, “Ya had it open when you passed out.”

She whips her head to look at him, “Did you listen to it?” her eyes are wide as she looks at him, almost embarrassed.

He scratches the back of his head, “I did, couldn’t resist.” He leans forward to look at her closer, “Came back and you were napping phone in hand, music playin’… All I could see was your scrunched-up face trying to find the perfect songs.” He grins cheekily at her.

She shoves his shoulder lightly. “Can we listen to it together?” She asks softly.

He throws his head back and groans playfully. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her back down to lay in the bed. Nuzzling his face into her neck.

“So cute…” He mumbles into her. His breath fanning her neck, sending a shiver down her back.

“Hobie…” She drags out his name, almost in warning.

He hums and peaks up at her, “You’re just so cute, can’t help it.” He presses a kiss to her neck.

He pulls back and plucks the phone from her hand and presses play on the playlist. He moves her phone to her bedside table and drags her under the covers with him to snuggle. He slots his head back against her neck, arms clinging tightly to her waist. She in turn wraps her arms him and interweaves their legs together into a knot of limbs. Their breathing evening out as they listen to the music together.

They fall asleep to sound of each other’s hearts and shared songs.

Spotify Playlists can be found here: Mariana / Hobie

Please do not come for the music choices I made, I spent way to long on them and I stand by them. I will not take criticism on this, I will cry. I will add art to them later, but collectively this is about an hour of music.

Tag List: @missshelleyduvall

Message if you would like to be added to the tag list!

#hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x oc #across the spider verse fanart #across the spiderverse #hobie x reader #spider punk #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman #my art

[bonefall]

Since she was mentioned briefly in the previous post- can Fernstripe and Sunbeam have at least a single conversation together? Something like “hey, what were your trials like and what should I expect?” It doesn’t have to give anything away by having her go “my trials were done under Bramblestar, not Squirrelstar, I can’t promise our trials will be remotely similar”. Though I just want Sunbeam to have friends outside of her in-laws and it’d be cool to see Fernstripe do something outside of “oh yeah she exists” without her actually appearing.

Fernstripe and Shellfur got blorboified. They're one of my favorite background character ships entirely because of BB additions, lmao

They bonded over Shellfur asking her for "niceness lessons," because Spotfur wasn't going to have her husband's bully of a brother know his nespring if he didn't figure his shit out.

I used them for framing what a Gathering and Aftergathering look like at the Lake

Fernstripe can't cook for shit

I am once again, much like a firm guardian telling the kiddies to not get too attached to all of the foster kittens we're sponsoring, saying that I can't say how exactly I'll be using Fernstripe in ASC quite yet. But I CAN promise you for sure that she is going to have waaaaay more of a role.

Both as a fresh migrant to ThunderClan just like Sunny-B, and also as a member of the Graykin family through her mateship to Shellfur. The Graykin family gets a lot more focus in BB because I can't be normal about them.

Assorted thoughts;

I want Sunny to have a bit of a concern, through Fernstripe. See, SHE belongs because she's mates with Shellfur. But what would that mean for Sunny if Nightheart never comes back?

Fernstripe should be someone that Sunbeam gets to know very well, if I do end up going to her having more agency over "constructing" teams of cats for her trials.

And she explicitly should realize, "Fernstripe is my friend which makes me want to pick her; but she's intelligent, not powerful. I can't put her on any tasks that involve that."

"............or anything food-related. of course. good lord"

Someone will mention that Fernstripe was grandfather-claused under any revision that bumped up the 1 task to 3. Most of ThunderClan is pretty openly rolling their eyes about even the 1 task, so they're definitely not going to make Fern do 2 more.

It's funny that there are now 3 cats with Fern prefixes in ThunderClan lmao.

And there's been even more ferns, historically

Brackenfur was named after a type of fern. His daughter, Honeyfern, was named after him before earning that Honor Title

Ferncloud just died, Spotfur named a kit after her (not graystripe), there's also Fernsong, and now Fernstripe. In Clanmew these are all different types of fern, but they're still ferns.

It should be a running joke in other Clans that they use "fern" as the prefix for random hypothetical warriors.

Kinda like how if you're talking about Americans you'll be like, "John Hamburger visits 200 diners a minute and consumes half of the world's oil," or if you're talking about Brits you're like "Kingsley Bigglesworth is repelled by spice like a vampire to the sun, must have an IV drip of blended beans-on-toast to survive."

"Fernface hears a cat sneeze across the lake, arrives with 15 clerics and a bowl of fruit juice they call "soup", cries when you don't say thank you more than twice."

Fernstripe must have been mortified when she realized that her parents named her Fern and then she ended up joining ThunderClan, lmao

#BB!Fernstripe #Better Bones AU #BB!ASC

[artsyallouette]

I think it's a really fascinating and underused thing we know about Mobius M. Mobius that he's jealous.

Not everyone gets jealous, and especially not over the affairs of people who they don't genuinely have an exclusive relationship with, but we have it from Owen Wilson's own mouth that when Mobius found out about the Nexus Event on Lamentis, he was jealous.

He saw Loki with someone else, someone he didn't really know, but who had escaped him for Kang-knows-how-long. Someone Mobius could easily feel is superior to him, since he hasn't been able to catch her, and it was his jealousy that made him so angry and disgusted with Loki.

I think that's a very underrated trait about Mobius. It's clear from the start that Mobius immediately starts seeing this Loki, Variant L1130, as his Loki. Not another one of the endless torrents of variant Lokis, but the one he considers unique, even though he shouldn't. Obviously, Sacred Timeline Loki is meant to be the unique one, and the variants are just wrong versions of that. But not to Mobius. He sees Loki L1130 and stops referring to him as a variant to anyone involved, including B-15 and Judge Renslayer.

He has accepted that Loki is special, and even when Loki fucks him around, he goes to bat for this variant. He's jealous of the woman that made Loki throw away their partnership, even if it was (officially) just a work partnership.

So when he's talking to Loki in The Nexus Event and mocking him for his attachment to Sylvie, it isn't truly coming from a place of horror or disgust. Mobius feels jealous and betrayed, and he wants to make Loki see things that way too. He wants Loki to see his relationship with Sylvie as egotistical or narcissistic or disgusting (I'm not having that debate so don't start it on this post), and for Loki to realise he was better off with Mobius. I'm sure, if that had happened, Mobius would have done everything to spin it to Renslayer that Loki helped bring down Sylvie, not that he escaped with her, and that they should consider making Loki a genuine agent. Given what we know about the TVA Agents, although Mobius wouldn't know it, that is clearly not unheard of.

When Loki rebuffed him, defending Sylvie to the end and refusing to go along with what Mobius said, it's important to note that they did not need Loki to break Sylvie. Mobius claimed they did, but if Loki wasn't going to help them do that, the correct response would have been to tell Renslayer he was useless and have him pruned. Mobius didn't do that. He stuck him in the Time Loop and hoped that would soften Loki up. He hoped, I would imagine, that spending hours having Sif tear down his self-esteem, even after he managed to change the loop, might make Loki realise who truly valued him. It was a cruel play, but I think it could have worked, had Loki not gotten into his head, first.

All of this to say that Mobius is jealous, and you should definitely use that in art and stories.

#loki #loki laufeyson #variant L1130 #loki odinson #mobius #mobius m mobius #mobius mcu #loki x mobius #loki x sylvie #sylki #lokius #mcu #loki tv show #loki tv series #agent mobius

[ididntwanttohavetohauntyou]

On the double standards of Taylor’s love life and Swifties’ role in Taylor’s reputation

{Fair warning: this is kind of long and I actually originally wrote it during the Ratty stuff but it’s relevant now and this post from @9w1ft (specifically the tweet) made me think that maybe this needed to be really laid out there. }

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to know what Taylor’s sexuality is definitively, nor am I suggesting that every relationship she’s had with a man was fake, or that she is a lesbian. I myself have experienced enough bi erasure and biphobia to know better, but I had to put this out there explicitly so hetlors don’t have that as a “gotcha”.

Swifties have the lowest possible standards for whom they consider to be a boyfriend of Taylor’s.

Their standards are a) the media has to stir something up b) they have to interact distantly in some public capacity before they c) walk around together (holding hands or not).

I can give you the names so many women with whom Taylor acted like that, often for longer periods of time and with more interaction than a couple dinners and pap walks or whatever she’s done with those men. And that’s without time to go do research which would doubtlessly turn up more names.

To name some examples:

Karlie Kloss, Diana Agron, Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid, Blake Lively, Cara Delevingne, Martha Hunt, Sophie Turner, Lorde, all three Haim sisters, Zoe Kravitz, Emma Stone, Camila Cabello, Lily Aldridge, Lily Donaldson.

(To be clear, I’m not suggesting that Taylor dated all or most of those women.)

Now, I have no doubt that if most swifties looked up photos of Taylor with a lot of those women they’d go “they aren’t even doing anything in that picture” or “they’re just walking side by side” or whatever else.

THAT’S THE POINT

I’m 1000% sure that if you photoshopped a man into basically any of those pics people would assume they’re dating because they’re walking together.

Almost all of Taylor’s supposed boyfriends have had significantly less interaction with her than those women, but people don’t hesitate to say she’s dating the men. Her team can and will deny it, but swifties will add a name to their list anyway, and that creates a whole other problem.

The sl*t shaming:

In my opinion, the sl*t shaming that Taylor has experienced for about the last 15 years has been, at least in part, because of swifties who jump to conclusions about men she’s seen with. When her own fans believe she’s dated however many guys, it’s that much easier for the media to repeat that and twist it to be negative.

If you wouldn’t look at a random guy and girl standing within a few feet of each other or walking together and come to the conclusion that they must be dating, why do you assume that about Taylor? Or, for that matter, does every person of the opposite gender that you associate with have to be your SO?

[And yes that can easily be turned around on Gaylors, but the whole point is that we aren’t solely using proximity to link potential exes or lovers to Taylor. We actually do the analysis of the lyrics, we break down the connections, we do the research.]

My point is that swifties have contributed on a large scale to Taylor’s sl*t shaming in a way that should make them think twice about who they claim she’s dating. Unfortunately as we’ve seen with this M*tty situation {and now the football guy}, they don’t seem to have the self awareness to realize how they’ve aided such a disgusting campaign of hate.

One more thing: you can say that no one will say those things now anyway because Taylor is on top of the world and they wouldn’t dare sl*t shame the Queen of Pop or “The Music Industry”. You might even be right. But if you do this and feel no guilt or shame over how your actions may have played a part in the several intense periods of sl*t shaming that Taylor has gone through previously, you need to think about why that is.

Taylor said it best in her speech at the Grammy museum in September 2015. She was introducing Blank Space and talking about the situation that made her write the song.

“In the last couple of years the media have had a really wonderful fixation on kind of painting me as like the psycho serial dater girl… It got pretty out of control there for a couple of years because… every article would be like, Taylor Swift Standing Near Some Guy. Watch Out Guy!”

That sounds insane, and it was definitely worse then than it is now, but the fact that it’s happening right now at all is ridiculous. Swifties need to stop helping the media tie Taylor’s name to men as if that makes her relevant. She’s a highly awarded singer, songwriter, and performer who has set and broken records (and then broken the ones she’s set) countless times. Swifties need to stop pretending that dating someone is what makes her interesting or we’re no better than the people who think she only writes breakup songs.

#sorry that this is so long #I’m sure I left stuff out though so definitely feel free to add #okay i’ll shut up now #kaylor #gaylor #gaylor swift #lgbetty #friends of dorothea

[avissapiens]

JBS retrospective.

Jockbull summer was definitely something where I shot for the stars. 15 tasks where everyone else had only 5. Fairly stringent time limited goals that got more intense and all consuming with each set that was developed. I knew I wasn't going to be perfect at it or even approach 50% completion. And yet i still feel fucking amazing to have done it! In an 8 week span i jockified certain segments of my life in ways that really did feel like they resonated through my whole being. It sounds a bit hyperbolic, I know. But I do think that undergoing such a structured battery of tasks, having it constantly in my mind every single day, even to the point that for 8 weeks straight my phone background was some of the images I generated for each set of post diaries did something to me. Thinking about these Jockbull tasks definitely left a mark on my mindset. And the tasks themselves left a mark on my life because I think some of them are simply going to stick with me. 

But they were starting to drag and i noticed myself getting more and more exhausted with..well..everything as the cut came to its end. So it had to come to a close as all good things must

Set A

 Of the tasks that are gonna stick with me here I definitely think elements of the competition task are gonna have a big impact. It was perhaps overenthusiastic to demand weekly competition from other people. But I have noticed my approach to things the longer I've held this task in my mind is a lot more geared towards winning and just enjoying competition in general. It’s still not fully realized yet though. There is more I can do to embody that jock mentality of victory at any cost. Maybe i should delve into some specific self programming so that i take it beyond just video games

The other task I think is going to stick is Baki. I just didn’t anticipate how fucking fun it would be and how much it aligns so well with my particular kink ecosystem. But moreover, I think deliberately pursuing baki rather than just mindlessly consuming it has opened me up for more media exploration, and exploration of the sort that will help me see the archetypes in more forms of art. That definitely had an impact on my vibes sets too. And in the time since then I've opened up to exploring shows like Letterkenny which has a whiff of jockbroness to it.

Set B

I feel like Set B was mostly more geared towards accomplishing a specific goal for the cut. And now that it’s accomplished and thensome I can thank it and file most of it away. Maybe bring some of it back around when I do a cut in future. One thing that will definitely be sticking is the Personal Training element. Keeping this task in my mind has really opened up the possibilities. Especially as I’ve talked it through with Abg and others more thoroughly. I want to keep synthesizing my loves and my passions. I moved here to NZ specifically because I wanted to combine my interests into something niche and eclectic but that could still serve me. And the same goes for Personal training. At first I thought I'd be stuck just working in a gym and I was fine with that. But I want more. I want to be able to take this knowledge, this business, and combine it with the different brilliant works I've already put so much work into. The abyss, the archetypes. I wanna do online training and help you all actually physically attain these goals and help you make a transformation Even more astonishing than my own. Combining Personal training and the hypnotic structures I've created. And I'd love to be able to make something steady and sustainable out of it so I can get my own space and grow even more while finishing my degree here. I know it’s lofty. But I've always put in the work and this is no exception. We’ll see how things go once I've got the quals.

Set C

I truly wish that the meditation task was the one I was gonna keep around. Set C however really illustrated how precarious setting too many things in stone can be. Daily routines, a biweekly creative work schedule, weekly fast days. It was a lot. Things eventually had to give and meditation was one of them. Now that I'm trying to gain some muscle mass, fasting days are actively counter productive. And being on commission mode means that a lot of my creative bandwidth is taken up by those. I will however be maintaining the daily routine. It’s not perfect. It never will be. And it sure as hell isn’t for everyone. But I am very much an abyssal creature of habit and structured chaos. And the creation of a daily routine for skincare, supplements, Breakfast. It all makes me feel a lot better and has 100% elevated my aesthetics. Not to mention really entwining himbo as something I relate with and aspire to more and more. For most of JBS i was also using a pretty strict time table for a bunch of summer related things.

But I've decided to retire it because the longer it went on, the more tired and numb I grew and the lower my success rate with any given day’s tasks were. But it was incredibly successful at the start of summer and allowed me to get a lot done and set a great momentum for the rest of it. My libido never really “went away” during the cut like sometimes happens to bodybuilders, but it defo got attenuated or at least shifted. But holy fuck now that i’m back on carbs you can bet that i’ll be doing task 3 almost unthinkingly

All in all, I really enjoyed this experiment and I’d love to try it again in a different form. Maybe with a wider sample of bros who might also benefit from the structure and accountability. In a way the dudes I generated these with stopped being the main form of accountability for me, and you all reading the blogposts and listening to the Voice logs kept me going instead. So thanks so much. Back to regularly scheduled programming

#jockbull summer #jbs #bull #jock

[cuddlepilefics]

SKZ Season Greetings - 15

Change of scenery

Seungmin had eventually cried himself to sleep in Changbin’s arms, despite Felix’ coughing in the room next to his. Jisung’s heart ached for his twin as he sat on the couch, nibbling some apple slices. Him and Hyunjin had confirmed that his fever was slowly going down, so he should hopefully get over his illness like Changbin and Jeongin soon too. Hyunjin had made it his mission to ensure that Jisung would continue to take it easy to avoid another relapse. “What are you planning to do when you finish that apple?”, the dancer asked softly, as he scrolled through social media. His feed was filled with holiday-themed posts and he couldn’t help but feel jealous, still being too sick to go out and enjoy the season.

Clearing his throat, Jisung admitted: “Don’t really know yet. I’m most definitely done sleeping for a while but I don’t want to make the same mistake again. My mind is telling me that I have no right to be lazy now that I’m doing better but….” – “You’re slowly getting better but that doesn’t equal being better”, Hyunjin pointed out, sniffling into his sleeve, “Don’t let your mind guilt-trip you into working yet because we know how that ended the last time.” Jisung hummed in agreement. No matter how frustrating it was, he should probably refrain from working a little longer.

“Do you have anything you wanna do today, hyung?”, Jisung pouted, hoping the older would have an idea for a distraction, so he wouldn’t feel too guilty about not working. Hyunjin shrugged: “I thought that I might paint something, you know, craving the Christmas spirit. That would mean, having to go over to our dorm though and I don’t wanna be there all along while everyone else is here.” – “I could come with you”, the rapper offered, trying to not sound too eager, “I’d gladly keep you company but you’d have to let me watch or else I’d get bored out of my mind.” Laughing tiredly, Hyunjin agreed: “You can watch me paint. Maybe we can listen to music together but no singing, okay? Your voice still sounds really strained.” – “Deal”, Jisung beamed, “Let’s head over right away? We can leave a note for the others, so we don’t have to wake anyone.”

That was exactly what the pair did, though it took them a bit longer to actually leave because Hyunjin kept fussing with Jisung’s scarf for a couple of minutes, making sure it covered his neck well. The cold air made Hyunjin’s eyes water and his nose run, so his dongsaeng linked their arms to guide him while he miserably sniffled into a damp wad of tissues. As soon as Jisung unlocked the door, Hyunjin kicked off his shoes and blindly stumbled to the bathroom to trade the soaked tissues for fresh ones and to properly tend to his runny nose. Jisung took the opportunity of being back at own dorm to change into a fresh set of clothes that actually belonged to him before going to check in Hyunjin. “I’ll start to set up my stuff in a moment”, the dancer promised after blowing his nose for the second time. He was just recovering from a short sneezing fit, triggered by his first attempt at blowing his nose, and the short walk through the cold had certainly drained him.

Jisung had flopped down on Hyunjin’s bed, laying on his tummy and playing games on his phone while the older set up his art supplies. It had been a while since he last had the time to paint something. Stay would certainly be happy if he could post a seasonal painting. Maybe that could be his Christmas present for Stay if he was too sick to really be active on bubble. This gave him a chance to still do something nice for their fans and if forcing Jisung to keep him company would keep the rapper from working himself sick again, that’d be even better.

What Hyunjin hadn’t expected to be such a bother was his nose. He almost snapped at Jisung when the rapper had broken into giggles somewhere along the line. “I’m sorry”, Jisung choked out between giggles, when he saw the annoyance in Hyunjin’s eyes, “I’m sorry, hyung, but you got some paint right there.” He motioned to the tip of the dancer’s nose, plucking a tissue from the box. Approaching Hyunjin, he caught his wrist and chuckled: “Hold still, you’re making it worse.” With how red the dancer’s nose was,  Jisung was afraid he’d hurt the older if he rubbed the paint off too harshly but his light touch brushing against the tip of his nose tickled badly. Drawing a sharp breath, Hyunjin’s eyes flooded with itchy tears while the back of his sinuses tingled. He scrunched up his nose and squinted at Jisung, hoping the younger would get the hint and hurry up. “Don’t touch your face, I got you”, Jisung promised, glancing at his hyung’s paint-covered hands. He carefully cupped the tissues over Hyunjin’s nose when the dancer’s breath hitched.

The force with which Hyunjin pitched forward, certainly took Jisung by surprise but he made sure to hold the tissues in place. He watched incredulously as his hyung’s eyelids fluttered shut for the fourth time. “Done?”, the rapper asked worriedly, not used to Hyunjin sneezing more than once or twice. He didn’t get a reply, just the older panting with a distant look in his eyes. After the fifth sneeze Hyunjin finally sniffled: “Ndow I’b done. Sorry.” Shushing him quietly, Jisung wiped his nose with the tissues before grabbing a few more. Instructing the older to close his eyes, he gently wiped over his tear-dotted lashes before covering his nose again. “Blow”, the rapper whispered, gently cleaning his friend up, making sure not to irritate his sensitive nose further. “Thank you, Ji”, Hyunjin sniffled tiredly, as he glanced down at the paint on his fingers, “Quokka for the rescue.” Giving the older a crooked smiled, Jisung hummed: “No problem. Be right back.”

After disposing of the tissues, Jisung quickly went to wash his hands. Hyunjin already started to wonder if the boy got lost on his way back because it took him so long to return but when he did, he was carrying a pot of tea along with two cups, so they could share a hot drink. While Jisung poured them a cup each, Hyunjin went to wash the paint of his hands, glad to take a break from painting for a bit because it was starting to aggravate his headache. Cuddling together on Hyunjin’s bed, the pair sipped their tea and startled when Jisung’s phone rang. “Hey, I just found your note. Did the two get tired of us?”, Minho teased. Laughing softly, the rapper explained: “Hyunjin-hyung was the only one awake and he wanted to paint something. My fever went down quite a bit and I got bored, so I tagged along to watch. How are things going?” – “Well, Lixxie is completely knocked out, that’s for sure”, Minho hummed, “That makes it easier to keep Chan in bed though because I can convince him to stay with Lix. Changbin and Jeongin are both awake and feeling better but they’re keeping Seungmin company. Innie said Min is really restless and emotional, so… it’s good he has someone.” – “And how are you, hyung?”, Jisung whispered over the phone, not missing how the older failed to give an update on himself.

After a moment of silence, Minho sighed: “Not much different. ‘m still really sniffly, my head hurts and the fever just doesn’t want to go down. I napped with Chan and Felix but now I can’t sleep anymore and don’t want me being restless to wake them.” – “You wanna join us, hyung?”, Hyunjin offered. “Oh, hey, Jinnie”, the older smiled, only now becoming aware of his fellow dancer listening, “If I wouldn’t be a bother….” Hyunjin and Jisung exchanged a look before the dancer scolded: “We’ve been over this, hyung, haven’t we? You need to stop always assuming you’d be a bother to people. You’re more than welcome over here. If you could do us one favor though… We’re running out of tissues because we only stocked up your dorm, assuming we’d only be there, so….” – “Yeah, sure, I can do that”, Minho chuckled, “I’ll be over in a bit and I’ll bring tissues.”

It didn’t take long till the front door clicked and Minho shuffled in, kicking off his snowy boots. There were still some snowflakes in his hair and he shuddered as he shrugged off his coat. With trembling hands he plucked a tissue from the box he was carrying and caught two stuffy sneezes in it before wiping his cold nose. Jisung emerged from Hyunjin’s room after hearing the commotion and made his way over to his hyung with a wide smile. Throwing his arms around his shivering hyung, Jisung hugged the older tight and offered: “Do you wanna pick a blanket from my bed? You could get all cozy when you join Hyunjin-hyung and me. I’ll just go and grab a cup for you. We have tea in his room.” Minho nodded gratefully, happy to get a change of scenery despite feeling just as sick as he had these past few days.

#fanfic #fluff #comfort #fanfiction #sickfic #stray kids #sick #skz

[scintillyyy]

i know we talk about fanon sometimes like it's a monolith, but actually i have an argument that the fanon(tm) is actually a little more diverse than we think sometimes and i say this because i have categorized and subtyped the various different kinds.

so to start, we have two broad categories: category 1//pre-ethiopia fanon and category 2//post-ethiopia fanon. pre-ethiopia canon is by and large much more simple and straightforward. post-ethiopia is where we start to see more variety and different subtypes.

tim:

pre-ethiopia: probably skipped two grades. bad parents jack and janet simultaneously care immensely about both tim taking over the company one day and also don't care at all about ensuring their son actually survives until adulthood to do so. survival of the fittest, baby, you're a failure of an heir if you can't use the stove independently by age 4. free space of "criminal neglect" being mentioned at some point. camera stalker to the point where he has batman's patrol routes memorized. jason is definitely his idol.

post-ethiopia: subtype (a)//robin: bad parents jack and janet remain (even though janet should have died years ago), leaving tim all alone in the cold drake manor. this 15 year old, rather than reveling in this independence allowing him more freedom to do robin without having to worry about his parents, is immensely sad about this state of affairs. bruce probably hates him for not being jason. jason hates him until he realizes that tim is "just a kid" who has "bad parents" and needs to be saved. physical abuse from his dad highly likely. most likely jason is his idol, but there may be some mention about how much he loves dick. subtype (b)//red robin: addicted to coffee, hasn't slept in weeks. everyone in the batfamily simultaneously hates him and depends on him to keep the entire operation running without any thanks or recognition. nobody loves him, definitely thinks he's not part of the family. they will have to prostrate themselves when they realize the damage they've done to him. subtype (c)//the jerk: a far rarer type of fanon, but still fanon all the same. this subtype is the anti-tim fanon, a backlash fanon, where basically all of tim's bad traits are amplified to the point where he is borderline sociopathic, doesn't really have any sympathy or care for anyone else, and is so super judgemental and snotty to the point that yes, he is no longer recognizable as tim drake and this is officially a fanon. and not that tim doesn't ever show bad traits in canon (he is flawed, like all of them), but really. he does care about other people immensely. he cares about gotham immensely. they all do. even if chuck dixon used him for heavy-handed conservative messages in the 90s, these aren't, like, enduring character traits. most likely to be seen if we're trying to promote another batboy who is getting woobified.

jason:

pre-ethiopia: the only panels that matter are "robin gives me magic" and anything that implies a love of school/good grades. no negative traits, if we give him any negative traits then we are feeding into the idea that he was a "bad" robin just like dc tries to do. so, so focused on the victims and downtrodden of gotham (probably more than dick ever did) which is why tim admires him so much. he is Of The City. immediately zeros in on tim as a victim of terrible parents. ever kind and understanding and sympathetic. a true champion of the people. calls bruce dad, hyphenated his last name. calls dick "dickhead" as a term of loving endearment and dick is seemingly okay with this.

post-ethiopia: subtype (a)//red hood: lazarus pit madness, baby. not at fault for anything he did, it was all the pit. once the anger fades, he realizes that he has turned into the monster who killed him and he feels great shame for this, has to make amends (most likely to tim, for titans tower). subtype (b)//sadboy jason: woobified jason is just sad :( his dad didn't love him, his brother didn't love him, they replaced him. he just wants to go home, desperately. the batfamily must make amends for not grieving him well enough/let him know how much they love and miss him and then he can go home. highly likely was damian's beloved brother in the league and considered talia his mom.

dick:

pre-ethiopia: only eats cereal. comes home every weekend to do his laundry (u know what, good on u dick. i too went home a lot of weekends after i moved out so i wouldn't have to pay for coin laundry at my apartment complex. it's called being smart and strategic.) and hang out with his dad, bruce, and little brother, jason. also has a hyphenated last name. a little dim. always happy. all about the hugs.

post-ethiopia: subtype (a)//nightwing: is allowed to be a good brother to tim, but will never be tim's favorite. feels immensely guilty about how terribly he treated jason as robin, must make amends for this. very bland personality. subtype (b)//post-dickbats: devil incarnate. plays favorites with his brothers and has room in his heart to only love two (neither of which are tim), that is until he realizes how badly he has treated tim and feels immensely bad and guilty that he's ignored tim for so long and then is finally able to redeem himself. probably threatened tim with arkham and told everyone tim was nuts. subtype (c)//dick actually gets to be woobified for once: on rare occasion, dick gets to be the one who gets constantly downtrodden and used by his siblings even if this isn't actually really super in character for them. like i said, super rare. usually seen so that dick can lose his temper at his siblings who are being immature jerks for no reason. cathartic if you're tired of dick being beat down by the writers at dc, but still fanon imo because you have to rely on someone (usually tim) acting more out of character and far more immature towards dick than normal canon and more fanon-y relationship dynamics (such as tim & damian constantly fighting and really hating each other) to get to this point. ....will kind of infantilize an adult man in his mid-twenties.

damian:

pre-ethiopia: actually gets two subtypes!! subtype (a)//doesn't exist: damian who? subtype (b)//young child: we bring him in as a 3 year old, and he's basically a totally different character. probably only meaningful character trait is total adoration for his older brothers.

post-ethiopia: subtype (a)//meanest child in the world: hates tim, is actively trying to murder him constantly and make sure that tim knows he is not a wayne/not welcome in the family. revels in having successfully stolen all of dick's love and attention. no character growth and all the adults just let him be mean without addressing the behavior, everything gets handwaved because of how he was brought up, but it's clear he knows right from wrong and is specifically choosing to do wrong. subtype (b)//he's just a 10 year old, so we have to treat him like *checks notes* a 5 year old: actually incapable of knowing right from wrong because of his upbringing, and he can't be at fault or responsible for any of his behavior because he's only 10 years old, and 10 year olds are too young to know any better when they've grown up in the league, despite extensive education on all subjects growing up likely including philosophy and morality. likely to be the woobified and infantilized one here. needs to be treated like a 3 year old with kid gloves because he's just a kid, after all. when he realizes he is "bad", he is very depressed and sad. often has no knowledge of the outside world, must be taught by his ever patient and loving brothers.

#did i miss any you think??? #obligatory i don't actually hate fanon you do you idc #this is a lighthearted post okay!!! tim and jason are the biggest fanon offenders but there's room for dick and damian too dw #anyways *i* think it's helpful to contextualize what category/subtype when discussing fanon #has this been done before??? my greatest apologies if it has

[raidenbuddha]

Can you do a fanfiction about Darry or getting caught with Johnny. Even head cannons of the gang?

A/N: I will be making a head cannons one soon so please give recommendations to me! P-S. I’m guessing you meant a y/n fanfic. Also it’s kinda short but straight to the point I would say

CAUGHT WITH DARRY:

Last night was the best you’d slept in days.. probably because your boyfriend Darry Curtis was cuddling with you. You both loved to cuddle each other whenever you could and of course Darry was always the big spoon. At the beginning of your relationship you both were sleeping a bit farther from eachother(on the bed of course) but slowly you creeped together over time. ”Babe?” you called for Darry as you woke up since he wasn’t in the bed. You decided to walk out of your and Darry’s room and went downstairs to check for any sight of him

There you see the entire gang..yay. Two bit and Steve were of course eating a slice of chocolate cake spoiling their breakfast as daddy calls it and watching Mickey Mouse. Soda was on the couch and pony boy and Johnny were at the lot probably reading or something. Lastly, handsome ass Darry is in the kitchen making breakfast for the boys and yourself.There you are dar.” “Mornin sweetheart.” “Would you like some pancakes and eggs y/n when they are done?” “Sure.. thanks baby.”

“Get a load of this boys. Putting on a show y/n?” says dallas. Looking at yourself you realized you were wearing only one of Darry’s oversized t shirts and your underwear. “Sir Dallas Winston You better watch your mouth before you ain’t got any teeth to speak from it …Sweetheart go get dressed.” “Yes Darry.. whaddya think I should wear today ?” “A pretty dress!” With that Darry left the kitchen for to quickly slap your ass and give you a kiss.

To say the least Darry was an extremely respectable man. He was extremely hard working as he worked two jobs to support his brothers. When you both got serious you moved in with the boys and you made Darry’s job wayyy easier which he always told you.

Darry is definitely one for sweet talking you. He always makes sure to tell you how great you are and reminds you of your beauty. Sometimes when you or him feels down you two just cuddle or read some of pony boys books together. Another hobby of yours was…. Sex

You and darry have had sex before but as of lately he’s been so busy. With the gang, work, or your schedules don’t aline well. A few times you’ve had car sex with him, but it’s not the same or as intimate as it’s been before and once again it’s been a hot minute. You’ve been feeling pretty…you know what…. Lately and you just wished Darry felt the same about this pressing issue of yours.

Pony boy told you he was planning on going to the movies so you were waiting for him to ask the gang. “Would you guys want to go to the movies with Johnny and I?” “can I bring evie and soda pop bring lacy?” “Sounds like a plan Steve” pony boy replied. “Darry and y/n do you guys want to come with us?” “Pony boy they need their alone time. We’ve talked about this.” says soda pop. “Yeah pony boy. When a man and a woman love each oth—-dally.” “BYE BYE BOYS” you yelled and shut the door.

“Y/n do you want to watch a movie in the bedroom?” “Yes of course” you say seductively thinking it was a sexual innuendo. No no of course! it wasn’t. Darry however put on a movie for the two of you… a romance one. You’d hope you get some (LOL) and you did. Around 15 minutes into the movie he began snaking his hands up and down the sides of you. “God you smell so good y/n. I missed you… I need you y/n” You paused the tv and replied “I missed you too baby.. please make me yours Darry” He engulfed you in a passionate kiss and placed himself on top of you.

Darry began to straddle himself against you while you rocked your hips still while making out. “Sweetheart take off your clothes.” He sounded so demanding and dominant.. so sexy. “Yes daddy.” “That’s what I like to hear” he whispered in your ear as you unclipped your bra. Darry practically ripped your underwear off of your body and began to swirl his tongue around your cunt. As he began to finger it too you gasped. “Feels good doesn’t it y/n?” Y-yess baby. It’s feels really good.” “Looks like I still got it.”

He placed your hand on his crotch and you got the hint to stroke it for him. “Ah” he groaned. “Doing great s-swEEtheart.” “Darry I need more from you please .” “More what?” He replied smugly. “I need you to fuck me darry.” “My pleasure doll face .” As he entered you it became harder and harder to keep in your moans. “Daddy.” “D-Darry.” “Y/n! your doing so good. So tight for me..all for me.” He groans and moans whispering sweet nothing into your ear. “D-Darry I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum!” “Give it to me sweetheart.” As you clench tightly around him, your cunt milks him for every last drop of cum it has.

Darry took it upon himself to strap down your legs with his hands and lick up your pussy. Stroking it and tasting you to him was the best part of your sex. Knowing what a great job he’s done. “Thanks baby for the meal and pleasing me. I can only hope I pleased you today.” “Yes you did darry… that was amazing.”

You’d come down from your high and carry suggested you both take a shower together. As he opened the door two bit Dallas and sodapop fell into you both face first. “What the hell is going on here.” asked darry. We could as you the same question” replies soda. “So how was he y/n?. Is he good?” “D-Darry I’m-I-m gonna cum!” Copies Steve. “Give it to me sweetheart” two bit replies. Feeling embarrassed and being that you’re naked with only a towel with just had to fall. “Wait Darry you’re kinda big. I bet you please y/n really well.” “I mean we heard her say he pleases her.”-two bit.”don’t forget about his “good meal”. Embarrassed and mad Darry replies “Excuse me Dallas and you two?” “You heard me.” “When I get my hands on you.” “Don’t fuck me like you did y/n” and with that all the boys ran out the house.

#darry curtis #y/n #the outsiders #gang #the outsiders ponyboy #johhny cade #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #twobit mathews #steve randle #fanfic #smut #darry curtis imagine #darry curtis x yn #darry cutis x reader #the outsiders smut

[meanbossart]

hi. I'm a huge fan of your work. I've been following you since before sad sack even came out. I was around for the very first teasers of it. I am very young... definitely i was too young to be reading sad sack when I was. but I'm an adult now so whatever, harm done. I'm a novelist. you are really one of my greatest artistic inspirations.

I guess my question that I want to say is... how do you finish stories? I have a million started but I always get this horrible voice in my head telling me that it's not worth it to finish, that the next project I do will be better, but I know I'm at the point in my journey where I need to just get something done. how do you do it? do I just need time? do I need to get a little older? do I need to keep failing until I succeed?

thank you so much for everything that you've done, your art brings me so much joy and comfort. many, many times your comics have made me feel like I wasn't alone. please keep doing what you're doing, because I love it, just for me lol.

Hey! This has sat in my inbox for a while i know, to be completely honest it just never feels great to know someone was exposed to my adult work before they should have been, and it can feel like im walking a tenuous line in acknowledging that it happens and not... Doing something about it? Though im not sure what that something would be. I will take your word for it that you are an adult now and as you said, the harm was already done. Im not happy about it but nothing can be done about it now i guess.

I do sincerely appreciate your kind words about mine and Nick's work and I'm glad it's brought you joy, and i hope you were always able to enjoy it with a critical eye too.

As for your question, there is truly no easy answer there or A to B guide that will get you past this hurdle - some people work on years and years on the same thing before releasing it, other's just pump their first work to get it out of the way and while it may not be great, at least its done. Regardless, once you get one thing finished, you will come to realize that its easy to finish others, too. I think regardless of what you do though, you will never look back on your very first work and be happy with it, so its my personal opinion that while you should do your best, you should make peace with the fact that it will not be your best, and that's okay.

As for what I would personally do? Pick something, something short, and something fresh, dont start with that massive story you've been workshopping for 15 years. Start with something you can whip up in a year at the VERY most, something you are currently passionate about, something that interests you right this second. Draft it as quick as you can so you know how it starts and how it ends, and then set yourself up with a schedule to finish it - you don't have to abide by it 100%, but if you give yourself all the time in the world to work on it, you might end up taking up your own offer. If you have a deadline, even if made up, you will have to force yourself to move on when you come across something you aren't entirely happy with instead of becoming stuck on it for days, frustrated, and then proceeding to abandon it as you might have done before. I repeat - you will never be entirely happy with how your first work turns out. So focus on being passionate, proud, and absolutely committed to making it happen at all, instead.

I hope this has helped you at all, im both sorry that you ended up looking at our nasty stuff before you should have and also, again, genuinely glad you find inspiration in it now as a grown person. I wish you the best of luck in your journey as a creator!

#ask #advice

[kitkat-2204]

Commission for @sushimarshal

A and B are on their way home from a college trip. Their on the bus home and they are listening to music together. When all of a sudden, A gets a very familiar feeling in their guts and it tells them that it’s time for them to poop. “Oh no… fuck what am I going to do? Maybe I should tell B.” A says nervously. “Uhh… maybe later. I’m just gonna try to hold it for a bit, besides, the bus heads back to school in an hour.” A decides confidently. A continues to try to hold it as he discreetly rubs his stomach just enough so B doesn’t notice, and he can relieve some pressure in his stomach without forcing himself to be in too much pain. “Ughh… oh no.. I have to fart.. maybe I can make it a silent one.” A things as he continues to stimulate his bowels. He slowly lifts his right cheek and releases a long silent fart that lasts a good 15 seconds. “Oh god… that’s better..” A thinks. A doesn’t realize this, but B has noticed, with the scrunched up look on B’s face and the turn of his head straight to A. “A.. do you have to poop? It’s ok if you have to poop I’m not going to judge you. I just noticed you passed gas and your rubbing your stomach which is why I am asking.” B says politely. A, flustered and embarrassed, admits to having to poop. “I’m sorry B, my stomach is just really killing me. I wanted to try to hide it from you.” A says embarrassed. “It’s fine. Just let out as much gas as you need. I’ll cover it up for you. I understand your stomach hurts.” B says with a kind and soft spoken tone to his voice. “A decides to listen to what B says and continues to allow low, rumbly farts to vibrate across the bus seats. “Ah yes…this is definitely helping my stomach ache. Thanks for understanding B- oh! here comes another one.” A says desperate for some more relief. The fart ends up being a really bad shart, and stains A’s pants quite a bit. “Oh no.. B, I think I pushed too hard.. I really need to shit… oh god..” A says, panicking. “It’s alright A. how about I do this, I will give you my sweater to wrap around ur waste after ur done, just go ahead and do it in your pants.” B responds. “WHAT? No! What about the smell B? I don’t want ppl to think of me as a pants shitter dude. Especially in college.” A responds with even more panic and discomfort in his voice. “A, trust me. Your not going to be able to hold it for the rest of the ride. Just let it out. It’s easier then doing it while ur panicking in front of anyone.” B responds reassuringly. “Are..you sure I won’t get caught?” A asks nervously. “I’ll make sure of it.” B responds. (It’s not like this doesn’t turn B on anyways, seeing his buddy desperate like this). A is at first hesitant about pushing, only allowing little increments of poop to escape. But eventually it gets more and more difficult to hold in, and he decides to just allow it to flow after a while because the pain was becoming too much. “Ohhh…god…it’s definitely coming out….ohh there’s a bit more…ugh Jesus my stomach feels so much better..” A says, his eyes fluttering so gracefully as he continues to relieve his pain from his stomach. “Don’t worry A, I have spray back here, once ur done, let me wrap my sweater around ur waste.” B asks. “Thanks B. I appreciate your help.” A says. “Of course dude, anything to help.”

#coprophilia #eproctophilia #relief #male farts #pants pooping #copro #pants messing

[happymagicbee]

***Obx s3 spoilers***

This is just my opinion

1. Why did we get only 10 minutes with them on the island?? I think after s2 finale all I could think about was what they were doing on the island and I just wanted to see a bit more of that

2. I liked that Kiara acknowledged that screaming murderer at Ward was the DUMBEST fucking think to do

3. Rafe and Kiara working together was fun. Kiara pushing Rafe and stealing his boat to save everyone was everything I wanted and more! Also people ship them now???

4. The group dynamics was off the minute they got back to the obx. I miss their little conversations in between reminding us they are still awkward teenagers

5. This might be controversial but I liked jiara. I think being stranded on the island changed things for all of the Pogues but especially them. jj was happy and not in his usual fight or flight mode he had to be in to survive in Kildare. Yeah living on a deserted island is hard but at least no one is beating you and making you feel worthless. And I think that for Kiara saving jj and almost losing him gave her a opportunity to explore her feelings after the whole Pope fiasco.

6. Pope and Cleo were the cutest freaking thing! I just wish they weren't so separated from the group all the time.

7. I don't like John b's father, I think him and Ward are not that different.

8. Also big John isolating John b from his friends and making him lie to them "for their safty" was a very shitty thing to do.

9. I liked the little detail of big John getting shot in the same place Sarah was shot.

10. Wards little Christian awakening was a bit weird but I think it's more of a me thing than a show thing

11. Topper helping to steal the "cross" was hilarious

12. I liked Topper burning down the chateau after being manipulated by Sarah (again). I don't think he should have done that or that it was justified in any way but he did kinda showed his true colors

13. Did kie's parents see big John, Ward and Luke and think what horrible thing can we do that they haven't done yet? They kinda tried with the phone and the money but not really... what I thought could be nice is if she forgave them in the time jump (they were in the crowd cheering at the end) but she would get emancipated

14. The little shove/hug between Sarah and jj was everything to me. I love this friendship and I wish we got to see more of that

15. And just more of all the platonic relationships in the group

16. I definitely think we needed more group scenes. Their chemistry is what made this show so fun and compelling.

17. I liked that Sarah addressed the weirdness everyone felt after getting off the island

18. The time jump was annoying but I get it, they didn't know of there would be a fourth season bc Netflix is known to have canceled shows that seemingly are loved by viewers (I'm still bitter about The Society but that's for another time) so just in case they did get canceled we get (kinda lame) closure.

19. Why did that old dude come to them with the blackbeard thing?

20. Again I'm gonna say I loved jiara and how they handled it because they knew it will have consequences on their friendship and it's something they are not willing to give up on it easily. Kie taking a leap of faith and jj recoilling bc he's afraid to lose it was very touching

21. When presented with the opportunity both John b and pope went for it but jj who is seen as the most reckless one actually took a step back.

22. I liked that Sarah made the choice to be with them, she had all the reasons to stay with Topper but she didn't. I didn't like how cliché they made it but I liked the choice aspect.

23. The scene where jj and John b fighting on the grass and shoupe just standing there chef's kiss

I'm sure I'll have more but I'm off to re-binge it all again

#outer banks #obx spoilers #obx season 3 #jj x kie #jj maybank #kiara carrera #john b routledge #sarah cameron #pope hayward #cleo #don't know her last name #outer banks netflix #this is just my opinion #outer banks spoilers #happymagicbee #jiara

[rsedits9420]

A little angsty bur getting into a fight with Estapa

I’m leaving

Word count: 1.8k

Mark Estapa blurb

Masterlist

Y/n

“Hey! Have you guys seen Mark recently? He was supposed to meet me at this Italian restaurant for our 6 months, but he never showed up.” I ask my boyfriend’s roommates. They all look at me puzzled. “I haven’t seen him since he left for class this morning. It’s weird that he didn’t show. Definitely not like him.” Ethan responds. Well I guess they aren’t going to be much help. “Oh ok. Well, I’m probably going to just go home then. If you see him, tell him to call me please. I'm worried.” “Hey y/n I’m sure he’s fine. Don’t worry.” Luke says. They all say their goodbyes, and I leave.

Mark has never done this. It was definitely not something he would do. I mean we have been talking about it for weeks. The worst part is I got all dressed up, to just sit and eat alone. I sit by my phone hoping that he will call. I mean I have been calling him for hours, but I’m met with no response. But for some reason, I can't help but assume the worst. Maybe he’ll call me back.

Mark

A few hours earlier

I hate sitting in this business lecture. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the subject, but it’s the instructor I can’t stand. He’s always yapping about something other than the actual lesson. And because of that I have a 74 as my grade. I need to get it up to at least a B, or my parents will have my neck. Even when I’m 21, they still cares about my grades. That’s the life of someone who has teachers as parents. Right now I’m zoned out thinking about the upcoming game this weekend. We play Ohio State, and it’s going to be rough.

I’m brought back to reality, when Mr. Davis announces we are doing a partnership project. Damn it. The one class I have nobody I enjoy talking to, we get a project with a partner. All of a sudden a beautiful blonde girl walks up to me and asks,” Hey Marky! Do you want to work with me? I heard you are super smart, and I might need some help?” It’s Tori. I’ve heard of her from y/n. She seems okay, she's gorgeous that’s for sure. “What class are you?” I ask. “Oh Mark, I'm a sophomore, you silly!” What the hell. How does she even know I’m a sophomore? I’m pretty sure I’m making a face, when she says,” Oh don’t worry. I’m not a stalker or anything, I just watch you on the hockey team a lot. You are really good by the way! You're super hot too, so that gives me another reason to watch” She says the last part while twirling her hair. “Uh thanks.” I responded. “Well, do you want to go work on it at my dorm? My roommate should be gone anyways.” She asked. “Uh okay. I’ll meet you there, just write down your address.” I say back. This all reminds me of y/n. I haven’t heard from her today. I wonder why? Eh it’s probably nothing big.

I get to her dorm at around 5. I stopped by the rink to talk to the coach real quick. He had talked about my penalties. Always the penalties. Tori had said she stopped to get coffee, and she picked me up a coffee with 3 sugars and 2 creams. I have no clue how she knew that, but I’m not going to waste my time and find out. She asked me to sit on her bed with her and I complied. Her dorm is pretty small with just a bed and a desk on her side. My 6 '2 self doesn’t fit in those tiny desks so, the bed it is. I can’t help but to wonder about y/n again. She still hasn’t texted, so maybe she’s busy. I look at my phone to check when I get the 5% battery notification. Dammit I should have brought a charger. I turn down the brightness and put my phone on low power mode. Hopefully that will help.

After about 20 minutes of her talking my head off, we finally started. She also can’t stay still. She keeps moving from the desk to right next to me. She’s been sitting next to me on the bed for almost 15 minutes so maybe she made up her mind. We are both slightly laying while also sitting up propped up by the head board. She gets her laptop so we can start the project. We have to make a slideshow on how partnership can positively and negatively affect a business. We have to provide a famous example for each. I’m probably going to end up doing it all judge on how Tori can’t stop talking about random things. “Did you know you have pretty eyes?” What the fuck? Random. “Uh no.” I say. She bats her eyelashes at me and says,” Well you do, pretty boy.” I ignore her and continue on the project. I go to look at my phone and it turns out I died. You’ve got to be kidding. “Marky!! Her look!” She quickly pulls out her phone to snaps a picture.” I try to see what it looks like but I can’t fully see it. Eh, who cares. I go back to working on the project for the next hour.

Y/n

I’ve been trying to distract myself. I’ve tried watching movies, cleaning my apartment, and now listening to music in my bed. He still hasn’t called or even gone home. It’s currently 9:24 and he’s yet to be seen by anyone. I’m borderline paranoid. I can’t help but feel like something happened to him. I grab my phone to check again when I’m met with a text from Dylan.

Duker: hey y/n. Um I don’t know how to tell you this but I know that I should. This is what some girl posted on her snap story an hour ago. All the boys have tried to get in touch with him and they haven’t gotten any responses. We are sorry. If you want to come over we will all be here for you.

He sent an image of Mark next to this blonde in a bed. It’s fucking Tori! The one who will flirt with him right in front of me and doesn’t even care that I'm there. They are sitting awfully close too. She’s practically laying on him. My stomach drops. He has his hand on her thigh. She even captioned it “study dates with this hottie”. We’re they on a date?!? He skipped out on our 6 month anniversary dinner to go hang out with some girl in her dorm?!?! I feel betrayed. I’m trying my hardest to choke back sobs but it’s no use. I’m bawling. I thought I had it. He treated me so well too. He had me fooled. I’m stupid for believing that this wouldn’t happen. I should have known. I quickly grab my keys and head to the boys house. Who cares, it doesn’t look like he’ll be coming home anytime soon anyways. I get in my car and go.

Mark

I finally left 20 minutes ago. I’m rushing home so I can get to bed at a decent hour, when my phone finally turns back on after being in the charger. I look at it and see 45 missed calls and 67 texts. What the hell?!? I went back to call the last person who called me and it was Mackie. The call connects when he says,” Man. You need to get your ass home now. You’ve got a shit ton of explaining to do. She’s pissed at you, Mark. And honestly we all agree with her.” Then he hangs up without letting me get a word in. Who’s pissed? Is it y/n? What did I do?

I rush into the apartment when I’m met with Mackie, Ethan, and Nolan?!? Why’s he here? “Dude what the hell?!?” Nolan shouts. “She waited on you for 2 hours and you never showed. Instead you were on a date with some fucking puck bunny.”, “I’m your best friend, but you really fucked up Mark.” E says. “What did I do?” I question. “What do you mean? Look at this!” Dylan shows me a photo of me and Tori. She’s sitting next to me with my hand on her thigh. Wait? She had my hand on her thigh?!? “Not only this, but you fucking skipped your 6 month anniversary dinner to hang out with whoever this is! I mean Mark what the fuck?!?” Moyal says. “Where’s y/n? I need to talk to her.” I ask. “She's In my room asleep.” Luke comes around the corner to say. “She’s not taking this well, Mark. You fucked up bad.” All of a sudden I hear a door screech. “Hey. It’s alright guys. Can I just talk to him alone.” Y/n says with tear stained cheeks. The guys leave and I take her to my room. “Y/n-“ I start but then she says,” Lisen Mark. I want to hear your side of the story, I really do, but I feel like I’m going to get a shit ton of bullshit answers. You fucking forgot our anniversary. Then I find out you were with a girl, who by the way flirts with you every single time she sees you, and then I see that you're at her DORM with your hand on her thigh, and you're basically letting her lay on you! How would you feel if that were me huh?” She says. “ Not good…” I say shamefully. “I'm sorry. I forgot. As for Tori. She’s my partner for a project. She invited me to do it at her dorm and I said yes. I didn’t think she was going to take a picture. I swear we didn’t do anything. I promise.” I say back. “ It sure as hell doesn’t look like it. Mark… this is a lot. You knew I didn’t like her, yet you still basically blew off our date for her-r. Is it because she’s prettier? I knew it! I thought you’d be loyal, but I was too naïve to see it.” She says in tears. “No it’s not, it’s just-“ she cuts me off to say. “Don’t make excuses! Mark I love you but I don’t think I can do this right now. I actually know I can’t. I'm sorry but I’m leaving. Can I have my things?” She says softly. I hand her, her phone, and car keys as she turns to leave. “Bye Mark.” She says as she walks out.

I can’t move. She just left. Walked straight out the door. I don’t know what I’m going to do? What should I do? How does someone come back from this? What do I do?

Keep sending in requests!!!!

#hockey #michigan #michigan hockey #umich boys #umich wolverines #umich hockey #mark estapa #mark estapa blurb

[nemainofthewater]

Thanks for tagging me @thebansacredbanned!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 288

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

1.11million

3) What fandoms do you write for?

So many. Too many. At the moment, mainly cdrama related ones, with Nirvana in Fire being my most prolific fandom.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I was moderately popular in the Witcher fandom, so a lot of these aren't very representative of what I'm writing atm

Shining, (The Witcher) in which Jaskier is, unbeknownst to him, a dragon. Simmering, Mourning, and Vibing (from the same series) are respectively second, third, and fifth on the list, so I'm discounting them (and other works in the series in the top-kudos-ed) on the ground it would be boring if it was just this series.

Haunted and Haunting (The Umbrella Academy), in which Klaus died age 13 and spends his afterlife looking after his siblings.

Shang Qinghua’s testimonial to why you should NEVER TRY TO CHANGE THE PLOT [System, help!!], (SVSSS), in which Shang Qinghua tries to a slight plot change and ends up with a husband

Barmecide, (The Umbrella Academy), in which all of the Hargreeve siblings die except Klaus, and it's only after death they start to bond

On Reflection (SVSSS), in which the author shoves the characters into a small, enclosed space and makes them talk about their feelings

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Mainly because it's so lovely that people leave me comments that I want to also interact with them and thank them? The only exceptions are if I don't really know how to reply to them, if they're a bit mean, or if they've left a thank you on every chapter of a fic (beloved!!!) in which case I'll reply to the last comment

6) What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

erm... I have no idea. Probably one of the NiF ones. Lin Chen tends to suffer a lot at my hands.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I also have no idea. Like I've definitely written fluffy ones! but how to quantify what's the happiest??

8) Do you get hate on fics?

a couple of times, but I either ignore or block. Thankfully not habitually

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't, I tend to be a 'fades to black' kind of author

10) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

So many crossovers. I think the craziest might be 'Percival from Merlin switches bodies with Luther Hargreeves from the Umbrella Academy'

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!!

A Russian translation of Plausible Deniability (the Magicians), a Chinese translation of Shining (The Witcher), a Russian translation of tho' it were ten thousand miles (SVSSS), and a Russian translation of you could cut ties with all the lies (that you've been living in) (NiF)

That's so many words of translation and I am amazed that people have done it!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

So many co-written fics. Mainly with @thebansacredbanned and a couple with @luzzeagain

14) What's your all-time favorite ship?

This 100% changes all the time, but probably my favourite it Mei Changsu/Lin Chen/Jingyan, where Jingyan sometimes represents justice.

15) What's a wip that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Hoarding or Barmecide, both of which have wonderful readers but are different from what I've been writing in the past few years. I will get back to them! One day...

16) What are your writing strenghts?

hmm depends. Maybe characterisation? especially in Nif? Dialogue perhaps

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't know how 'pretty' my writing is tbh... and also I have a propensity to plan these huge epic AUs that I then don't have enough time to finish writing (since they tend to be for exchanges)

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done it! I think you need to either be fluent in the language of know someone who is and is happy to beta. not against it, but I think it needs to be done respectfully and not using google translate

19) First fandom you wrote for?

...it was possible the Bible. I wrote a poem about god... Discounting that, I think supernatural or Dr Who. It was possible a SPN/DW crossover.

If we're counting unposted ones, then I handwrote a Star Wars fic when I was like 8. Make it into a little book and drew the cover myself! ...it's never going to see the light of day

tagging @tavina-writes @abluescarfonwaston @shadaras

#ask game

[aquanova99]

Night Terrors

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

A/N: first criminal minds fic! This is based on that one episode in season2 you know the one, episode 15. I don’t think there’s anything too triggering but again as with all of my work if you could handle the show everything should be fine in what I wrote

Summary: Reid is struggling with coming to terms after his kidnapping. He desperately needs to be able to process his feelings, will y/n be able to help him through it? What happens when she finds the vial in his bag?

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

It was unbelievable. Y/n knew the second her phone screen showed Penelope Garcia that something was wrong. She only ever called y/n if they weren’t on a case, which they definitely were on, in fact they were supposed to be back by now.

“What’s going on?”

“Okay I’m going to need you to stay calm but I did promise Reid I would call you if something happened to him, so I’m sure you can guess that something happened.”

“Penelope. What happened?”

“We’re still looking for him?”

“WHAT?”

“Y/n try and relax everyone is working really really hard to find him okay?”

“Why was he alone in the first place?”

“Uhm well he wasn’t exactly. Him and JJ, got separated when they were chasing the unsub.”

“Why the hell did they get separated? How does that even happen?”

Penelope was panicking. She never had to make these calls. On top of that she wasn’t really sure if the answer anyway. Y/n was her friend outside of work. Reid had met her at one of the classes Gideon had taught at. She was a teacher just interested in spotting dangerous people. Said it would help her job, Spencer’s had told her it could be seen as suspicious that someone that has no need to go to a class for serial killers would show up there. Y/n began giving out statistics about serial killers and women and children abductions.

Reid would never out right admit it to Garcia but he had been completely smitten. Of course Reid never thought someone like y/n could return his affections. He was too…odd. That was putting it nicely he had though, he was sure others would have much stronger words for his personality. He didn’t miss that y/n never interrupted his ramblings. Even at work he knew he would get told to be quiet once his eidetic memory and rambling got too incessant. Y/n would often listen to several minutes of him talking even asking him questions about things she didn’t understand, it only added to his feelings. Reid had no idea she was listening because she thought it was cute when he did that, and not because she was just being nice, as he often told Penelope.

After knowing eachother for several months and seeing how dangerous the job would really get, y/n began to get nervous often asking Garcia and Reid for updates. Neither of them blamed her, Reid had told her what happened to Elle but it wasn’t until Hotch had to pretend to hate Reid by beating him up that y/n got worried. Reid had played it off but she had seen how it affected him. He would often times go to a shooting range to try and better his aim. To calm her down Reid asked Garcia to promise to tell her if anything happened to him, then she wouldn’t have a reason to worry. He had never really thought he would be in this predicament. The worst part was that it worked, y/n didn’t need updates because that meant her best friend was safe. So the phone call from Penelope was killing her. All she could do was wait.

She got a link from Penelope, y/n should have never opened it. While Garcia had done this in good faith so she would be kept in the loop, seeing Reid all beat up and that guy forcing him to choose a “sinner” to kill. Y/n remembers shutting off the computer she wouldn’t see her best friend hurt like that. She would wait.

And so she did. Two days went by before she finally received a call that they had found Spencer, shaken up but definitely alive. Y/n didn’t hesitate to rush to the airport.

Reid had understandably been pretty silent. JJ had tried to see if he wanted to talk about it but but Morgan had told her to give him space. They had an unspoken bond those two, Morgan sat next to him and almost acted as his bodyguard until they landed. Penelope had waited to tell him that y/n was probably waiting for him, she figured he didn’t need to stress over anything else, she was right. The second she told him he began speed walking out of the airport. Penelope had kept y/n in the loop about when they had taken off so she had rushed over and was waiting for them to land. She tried her best to keep it together, getting her tears out before Spencer arrived. She knew he had gone through something terrible and was determined to be the one there for him and not the other way around.

She had seen him first, “Spencer?”

He didn’t even notice he stared running until he got her and enveloped y/n in a hug. Squeezing her so tightly he slightly lifted her off the ground. Reid was always the reserved one but he didn’t care right now. Y/n had been something that had been a ground. Something he could tether to. He wasn’t quite sure where he would be if he didn’t have have her, more broken than he already was probably, he thought.

Y/n pulled back to push the hair out of his face and examine him. She could tell he was in pain still, but she also knew well enough on when to push and when to wait. Especially since he was starting to breathe really quickly, almost as if he was starting to panic. She grabbed his hand and while this usually would have made Reid malfunction, the action again calmed him down. And the two walked out leaving a very confused BAU behind.

“Wait. Reid’s never mentioned anything, wh-who is she?” JJ asked

“Oh she’s a mutual friend of ours.” Penelope said as if that explained everything

“Wait babygirl. I’m driving back with you. I need more information.”

Penelope and Derek continued to have their banter on their way out. Hitch and Gideon shared a knowing look before departing themselves. everyone remembering that while they were all a cohesive unit there were some parts of their life that were unknown to one another.

The drive to Reid’s apartment was mostly silent. Y/n knew it was better to wait to ask him anything but his leg shaking made her anxious he was always the rational, calm one. Reid on the other hand was wondering what y/n would think of him when he told her what he had done. No matter what anyone told him, he had killed someone. Not to mention he hated how weak he had felt. On top of everything he was terrified to close his eyes tonight. How was he supposed to tell y/n any of that? He began to nervously bite his hands, y/n didn’t know what else to do and instinctively put her hand on his leg. Reid jumped a bit but began to relax almost immediately.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m so jumpy.” He spoke so quietly he worried y/n didn’t hear him for a second.

“Yes you do. But it’s okay. We’re going home now.” She was looking straight ahead but smiled to try and lighten the mood a bit. Luckily for both of them it worked. Now Reid was stuck on her words, he knew she meant he was taking him to his home but the way she had said ‘we’re going home now,” seemed to short circuit his brain.

I wish, he thought. He suddenly noticed her missing hand as she was starting to takeit back and he reached out to grab her hand. Y/n stiffened a bit, she wasn’t expecting Spencer to ever act like that with her.

“Sorry, I wasn—“ y/n squeezed his hand before he pulled it away

“It’s fine Spencer, don’t apologize.”

Well, what did that mean? Reid wondered, and why did y/n make it so easy for him to lose his train of thought.

Y/n puller her hand away and grabbed her bag handing it to Reid, “I got you some snack in case you were hungry.”

Reid could feel tears prick his eyes, she was always trying to take care of him.

“There’s

It didn’t take long to arrive home and Reid began to worry about what would happen next. Every movement seemed so mechanical he didn’t even notice when the two had made it inside.

Y/n had been quiet hoping Reid would talk to her own his own, didn’t he trust her?

“Do you—uhm do you want to talk about it?” She asked nervously

Reid froze, of course he wanted to talk to her. She was the only one he wanted to talk to and his words were still failing him. “Uhm, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He heard himself say

“Oh…okay.” Damnit, now she was going to think it wasn’t a good idea to talk to her. He just meant he didn’t think she would want to hear it. It had always been hard for Reid to talk to people but with y/n the last thing he wanted to do was push her away by being himself. Still, he felt the most comfortable around her so why couldn’t he vent about everything he’d just went through.

“Alright well I’ll see you later then?” Y/n began heading towards the door, Reid began tripping over himself trying to stop her

“Y/n wait it’s not—“

“It’s fine Spencer really…”

*clink*

The vial. The damn vial. As he had reached for her hand his bag had moved from his shoulders and the once hidden vial was now laying on the floor.

“Spencer. What the hell is this?” Y/n asked as she picked up the vial from the floor

“Nothing.”

“Good, then you won’t mind if I take this then.” Y/n hated when people thought she was dumb, and Reid knew that. He also knew how stubborn she was about to become

“Y/n please. I need it.”

Her eyes softened, something about Reid begging for whatever was in this pulled at her heart. Still, she knew better. Something was wrong with this.

“What. Is. It?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Try me.”

“It’s going to help me relax. I need it.” Reid reached for the vial in her hand be she was quick to snatch her hand back.

She took a few steps toward the door.

“Y/n please.” Reid was almost whimpering in front of her, she knew that this might be something that pushes Reid away from her but his well-being came first to her. She turned and smashed the tiny glass bottle from the floor of his apartment. The tiny shatter being heard from the floor below. She knew this wasn’t going to end well and she closed the door to not garner any unwanted attention.

“If you really need it I’m sure you have the connections to get more. I’m not going to help you hurt yourself.”

She did have a point if he really did want Reid knew he could get it but that would be admitting he had a problem and what would happen to his job afterwards. Still, he was angry he didn’t care at the moment and while he knew he was probably going to regret his next few words he couldn’t stop himself from yelling at y/n

“Wh-why would you do that? You have no idea what I went through? I needed that!”

“Well I would if you told me! You would have regretted taking whatever was in there anyway.”

“I. Need. It. How else am I supposed to sl—to calm down! To forget?! That was the only thing that quieted everything, the voices, the fear everything was gone and you just threw it away.” Spencer sat in his chair and covered his face with his hands. He was almost rocking back and forth now.

Y/ns heart felt heavy. She knew he had gone through something terrible but why would he have had that during those two days? Y/n realized that he was right she had no idea what he had gone through. Still she didn’t regret throwing that vial away. Spencer would regret that later, she knew him well enough for that. She kneeled down in front of soundlessly. Reid felt y/n’s hands gently pull his own away from his, she put her hand to his face running her thumb under his eye.

“You’re right I don’t know what happened to you. I can’t imagine what they did to you. But I do know you don’t need that, you’re stronger than you think you are.”

Reid breathed out a chuckle before remembering what he had done. He let his head fall, his forehead touching resting against y/ns.

“Y/n I killed someone…” just like that everything that was weighing on Reid came pouring out.

Garcia had warned y/n about this, in fact that’s when y/n had turned off her computer. She had wondered what Spencer would do in that situation and she hated hoping that he would just choose someone to die so he would be safe. And she hated herself now for being relieved that he done that,

“Spencer. Hey look at me.” Reid could barely raise his eyes to look at her, “you didn’t kill anybody, okay? That guy…he did.”

“Hm. Gideon said that too. But I chose that person.”

“What would he have done if you didn’t choose someone?”

“He-he said everyone would die.”

“So you saved the other people, and yourself. Spencer you did everything you could. They would have never found him without you.”

Reid’s lips formed a tight line. Y/n knew that was something he was going to have to work through, and it was going to take awhile. She started to stand up,

“Hey do you want me to let you sleep for now? I can come back tomorrow?”

Reid stood up and reached for her hand immediately. Grasping at it as if it was the last thing holding him there. Remembering that seeing y/n in all of those hallucinations was what helped him keep fighting.

“Please. Don’t leave. I don’t think I’m going to be able to be alone.”

Y/n nodded. She gave his hand a squeeze, and he let go fearing he’d hurt her, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“Spencer it’s fine, let’s just— why don’t you go lie down in your room, you really should try and get some sleep.”

“Come with me, please?” Reid’s voice was pleading with y/n. He didn’t trust himself alone and he didn’t trust the darkness that came with sleep. He didn’t waste any time getting into clothes he could sleep in. Y/n simply followed him, sitting at the edge of the bed she instinctively ran her hand up and down his back. Y/n decided to turn on the tv on a low volume continuing to sit next to Reid. And Reid as much as he tried to sleep still wanted to desperately tell y/n about everything. His voice barely came out above a whisper,

“How much did you see?”

Y/n froze. “I couldn’t watch, he pulled you up in front of the screen and you looked so… scared? You didn’t look like you, and I was here. I didn’t know where you were. I hated it. I just— couldn’t watch.”

“I uhm I don’t think you would have liked what you saw.”

“I just didn’t want to see you be a hero. Half of me expected you to sacrifice yourself for all of those people…”

That was it, Reid thought she must think he was a coward. He knew it.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Wh-what?”

“You were in a terrifying situation and Gideon is right. It’s not your fault. He would have killed them all if you held out anyway.” Her hand went towards his hair gently scratching his head and moving the hair out of his face. Reid didn’t catch her muting the tv in case he wanted to say more.

“He saved me too you you know?”

“Who did?”

“Tobias. He had multiple people personalities. I uhm was suffocating at some point I think the dialysis caused me to have a stroke and Tobias brought me back.” Reid wasn’t able to stop the words coming out of his mouth, “I killed him too…”

“Oh spencer,” y/n wanted to calm him down but he was in another world it’s like he was more so talking to the universe trying to get his thoughts out before they consumed him whole

“He wanted to be a good person.” He began trailing off his other fears beginning to seep through, “my mom wants to be a good person.”

“Spencer.”

He turned around to face her, “what if I turn out that way. What if the voices in my head— schizophrenia is genetic I’m likely to get it.”

“You’re mom is paranoid but she’s not a bad person and neither are you, that guy, Tobias. I’m sure he had something happened to him for him to turn out that way, and it isn’t the same as your mom.”

“It could.”

“Well. I’ll be there if that happens too.”

“And if it gets too much?”

“It won’t.” Y/n assured him, Reid’s mind was spiraling. He could only hope she was telling the truth because he really wouldn’t know until that time possibly came. “Why don’t you try and watch tv until you drift off to sleep?”

Reid sort of numbly nodded and curled himself in the covers. He couldn’t really get comfortable he eventually ended up in y/ns lap. Her hand running through his hair. Before he knew it he finally let his eyes close. Y/n didn’t dare move. She waited for Reid to move on his own. She covered him up and decided to move to the edge of the bed. She figured the only way to make sure he didn’t need anything was to stay awake and that would require being distracted, with a lack of books she wanted to read the next best thing was watching tv but she didn’t want to wake Reid either so the volume was just above zero, just in case.

She wouldn’t need to worry about it for long. Reid began shaking in his sleep moaning and whimpering. Y/n worried about waking him but when she heard him beg someone to please stop, she couldn’t help herself. She just couldn’t see Reid like that.

“Reid?” She said softly shaking him at first, “Reid.”

She shook him a bit more firmly as his cries for help grew louder

“Reid!”

Reid woke up gasping for air. Frantically looking around for y/n before his eyes adjusted to the dim light of tv. When his eyes finally landed in y/n he pulled her into him. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah of course, are you?” Reid doesn’t let go of y/n until he’s sure he’s not still stuck in his nightmare or worse that this wasn’t another hallucination and he’s back in that cemetery. He grabs y/ns face and and she grabs his hands to keep them there. Want info hun to be able to calm down. And there staring at his best friend he begins to be able to slow his breathing. Grounding himself back in reality.

“I—uhm I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Reid says as he lets go of y/n trying to fix his hair.

“Nothing is wrong with you. Wait here.” Y/n leaves Reid’s room and quickly comes back with a cup of ice water. “I would make tea but I don’t think you keep any here.” Reid smiled at her

“Could you lay with me?” Y/n was silent not because she didn’t want to, she did. But she almost felt like Reid was mistaking his feelings for something he didn’t really feel about her. Still, she nodded.

“I have some extra clothes if you need any?”

“O-okay.”

Y/n hesitated putting on one of his shirts. But resigned on one of the few tshirts he had that definitely was too big for him making even more oversized on her. She was careful getting under the covers, while Reid was trying to catch his breath. Something about seeing y/n in his clothes made him feel, he wasn’t sure, normal? Like that was the way it was supposed to be.

For a second they just faced one another both unable to tell the other what they get towards eachother. Y/n tentatively reached her hand up towards his face again before pulling it back, she couldn’t expect him to figure out his feelings towards yet if she was going to continue to make things difficult. Reid felt guilty, he didn’t want y/n to stay with him out of pity.

“Is this okay? I mean—if you really need to leave.”

“Trust me Spencer, I don’t want to go anywhere. It’s just—I’m just glad you’re back.”

Reid just smiled at her. They both fell asleep shortly after but it wasn’t long before Reid began struggling again squirming in bed and moaning and almost sobbing as if he was in pain. Y/n tried to shake him awake but nothing was stirring him from the nightmare.

Y/n began to panic, her voice getting louder as she began to scream his name to get try and snap him out of it. Not knowing what else to do she pulled him into her shushing him and just trying to calm him down. Reid’s yes eventually shot open and he pulled himself up looking down at y/n and trying to calm his panic. Y/n just continued to let him calm down but made sure to hold his hand to let him she was there for him. He slumped against the back of his bed,

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Y/n asked

His body responded by turning towards y/n and pulling her into him. She realized he was only half awake, and she turned to her side and let him spoon her. She felt guilty but she loved being wrapped up in Reids arms. She thought about how scared he must be to be so desperate for touch, that was not the Reid she knew. Reid began waking up and realizing where he was and immediately worried he had gone to far.  She seemed to relax her head into his arm and it encouraged him to bring her closer to him and bury his face into her hair.

Y/n could tell he was still having trouble really falling asleep but everytime he would wake he would just squeeze her a little harder. It was around 5am before he finally truly fell asleep. Y/n heard the small vibrating of his phone from the other room.

You’ve got to be kidding me, she thought. She also knew how seriously he took his job, she carefully snuck bb out of bed making sure not to stir him from his sleep.

She found his phone on the couch, the caller ID ringing Hotch.

She sighed before picking up, “Does he absolutely have to go on another case right now?”

It was silent only for a second but even y/n could tell Hitch was surprised Reid wasn’t alone, “just checking in to see how he’s doing maam.”

Y/n laughed “well he quite literally has just been able to fall asleep…he’s been better.”

Hotch sighed, “I figured as much, thank you for staying with him.”

“Thanks for finding him.”

Hotch could hear the genuine concern in her voice, Reid was the youngest and they often worried how the job affected him. The two hung up, a Hotch making sure he had her number as well to check in without bothering Reid. Both understanding Reid was a bit too fragile to have people doubt his abilities at work.

Y/n decided to stay up and make the two of them coffee and some breakfast. Well as decent of a breakfast as she could make with what little Reid had. Reid woke up as she was finishing, his guilt threatening to take over again. He was more motivated by his emotions something that up until recently, he made sure to not over take his logic. But after Tobias everything seemed so…different. His priorities shifted. How could he explain how he felt towards her, and would she feel the same or feel forced to be with him after all that’s happened? He thought about last night, and he could only hope she hadn’t felt that way then.

Y/n turned around startled to see Reid deep in thought, “Jesus Spencer, a little warning would be nice.”

“Sorry!”

“Are you okay?”

“Mmhm. Just still waking up.”

“Okay. Well, breakfast is ready. You really need to get some actual food besides eggs and bread. But I did manage to find some bacon in the freezer.”

“Yeah, I’m just not around long enough.”

Y/n got quiet. That was the problem wasn’t it? God she hated his job sometimes,

“That reminds me. Hotch called.”

“Already? Do I need to head out?”

“No don’t worry, he was just worried about you. Asking if you got some sleep.”

“Great. I’ll probably get babysat like Elle did.”

“Well, do you blame him. The whole team loves you. You guys are family. Besides i made sure he wouldn’t call until the end of the weekend. So you’re safe.” She smiled at him and handed him a plate. Reid chuckled and set the plate down before embracing her. She didn’t hesitate to return his hug and wrapped her arms around his neck, it was funny to her how easy it was to be around him.

“Thanks for saving me.”

“I highly doubt delaying a phone call counts as saving you.”

“No you saved me I think more than you’ll ever know.”

Before she could question what he meant Reid pressed his lips against her. The two melting into eachother. It was the most unReid like thing he could do. And neither of them could get enough. They had both been holding in their feelings for what seemed like too long, and after Reid’s brush with death he had promised himself he wouldn’t waste another moment. Especially last night after she had done what he couldn’t with the dilaudid. She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t care right?

The two didn’t pull away until they absolutely had to, and when they the two, now breathless and panting for air just rested their foreheads against eachother.

“Remind me to keep people from calling you, if you’re going to do that everytime.” Y/n laughed

“You—that-uhm. Was that okay?”

“I did kiss you back, didn’t I?” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “come on let’s eat. You can keep resting once you’re done.”

#aquas works #criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds spencer reid #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid criminal minds #criminal minds reid #dr spencer reid

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I don't want to see my family. I feel guilty and horrible, but I just can't stand the thought of seeing them. They were never abusive, not physically at least, but they kept me trapped and under a lot of pressure and expectations that I couldn't always meet. And when I didn't, well, bad things happened.

They say I owe them everything.

But now I'm living away from home, I've been away for almost three years and not even once did I think of going back. In this brief time I've experienced wonderful things and met lovely people. I may not have everything I once did, but I'm truly and genuinely happy. I'm free.

But now I'm scared. I don't want to see them, I really don't. They want to come visit and what am I supposed to do? Tell them no?

I don't know what to do. Please, help me.

yes, sweetheart. telling them no is abso-fucking-lutely exactly what you're supposed to do.

listen, darling: family is a social contract that functions from the top down. and honoring your parents is great, but when your parents abuse you, they break the social contract and render it void. when the people who chose to bring you into the world, who were responsible for your existence, who were legally required to care for you, make the choice to harm you, your obligation of loyalty to them is severed.

and they may not have hit you, but they definitely abused you, sweetheart. it's very, very common for abuse survivors to minimize what was done to them as "not that bad" or "it could have been worse", to say that their abuser "also did [nice thing]", but that doesn't change the fact that the abuse that did happen, never should have fucking happened. there is no justification for abuse, period.

you might wonder how i can so confidently say that they abused you, and honestly, it's because a) i've talk to a lot of people with abusive parents, i know what they sound like, and b) if they hadn't done something horrible to you, you would not feel this kind of dread at the idea of seeing them.

trauma itself is evidence of abuse. read that again for me.

if you'd like more proof, this is a great article: 15 Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Parents And How To Deal With Them

(however, i can't agree with their suggestion that you talk to your parents about changing their behavior before distancing yourself. abusive parents will just use that good faith choice to hurt and manipulate you further.)

i promise that you don't owe your family anything, much less "everything". you did not choose to be fucking born, did you? they chose to have you. they chose to create a helpless child that they were legally required to feed, clothe, and shelter. you can be grateful for that, sure, but you can never owe them for it.

you're an adult, living your own life. you have your own home, you take care of yourself, you work your job and pay your bills. despite the dread and panic that these people send shooting through your stomach, you're not a helpless child anymore, i promise. you have the power to tell them no, and to enforce that 'no'. you have the strength to stand up to them and refuse to be treated the way they treat you.

talk to the lovely people you've met. i promise you that this is the kind of thing that good friends legitimately want to help you deal with, that they will want to support you and offer you advice and encouragement. you don't have to and shouldn't do this alone, and it's okay to ask for help. no one will laugh at you or tell you that you're overreacting, they will want to support you.

i know it's fucking scary. but you've built something good and you deserve to defend it from the people who caused you so much pain. you deserve to say no, no matter how they react. you're not responsible for their reactions.

they've lost the right to being welcome in your life. and while you don't owe them shit, you DO owe it to yourself to protect your freedom with hard boundaries and self-respect.

you can do this, sweetheart, i promise. protect your happiness and your freedom. you're stronger than you think you are. you can do this.

#abuse #parental abuse #abuse support #abuse tw #anonymous #ask