#I want to be gnc but I don’t have chest dysphoria and i find it physically uncomfortable to squash my breasts

[tragedyposting]

Does anyone know any affordable swimwear brands for people with larger breasts (in this case, 36D). Bonus points if they do higher coverage or androgynous designs that aren’t binding/compression, but this is less important than affordable and comes in cup sizes.

#I want to be gnc but I don’t have chest dysphoria and i find it physically uncomfortable to squash my breasts #I hate that queer fashion brands treat this as a contradiction #rebecca rambles

[officerjennie]

Treat Me Gentle, Kiss Me Soft

CW: brief dysphoria, past transphobia mention, gentle scar touching, penetration, smut, oral sex, dirty talk Rating: E Prompt: Soothing their fear Summary: trans!Eskel, GNC!Aiden. Eskel discovers Aiden looks damn fine in a dress, and they discuss Eskel's hesitations concerning sex. Aiden is soft and tender with him, and Eskel feels precious like he never has with anyone before him.

It took less than half an hour to buy everything he needed at the market, and time still didn’t go by fast enough. Eskel found himself more than eager to get back to his room - their room - no matter that it was still midday, not even pausing to look at the billboard for potential jobs as he cut a direct path towards the inn.

How rare an occasion it was for him to have any days off, and he found it all the more treasurable when there was someone waiting for him.

He took the steps upstairs two at a time, near silent due to his upbringing, consciously making a slight bit of noise out of habit in case a human might startle at how inhumane he could be with his movements. Their room was at the end of the hall on the right, from sight and smell he could tell most of the rest of the floor was empty - but even without heightened senses that would have been easy enough to guess. Few innkeepers in these parts would accept two witchers under their roof without a desperate need for coin.

Didn’t keep the man from up charging them, but Eskel had the spare coin and didn’t let Aiden know that part. Not that he wasn’t certain the other man wouldn’t find out, but at least it would keep the peace for now.

And peace was just a small yet wonderful part of what he was after.

When he reached the door there was a moment’s pause where Eskel wondered if he should knock or not, his mind whirling like it loved to do with guesses and second guesses: Aiden knew he was coming back so he shouldn’t have to knock, but wasn’t it courteous to give a warning anyway? But he would have heard him coming so it wasn’t necessary, but wouldn’t it be rude to not? What if he was doing something like undressing - even if Eskel had seen it all before it didn’t mean the world was meant to see it; but then no one else was around, so would it really be bad? But what if-

It took physical effort to stop his own thoughts, a shake of his head to quiet them before he opened the door without knocking, his heart only beating a little faster at the thoughts that had been against the action.

“They didn’t have any vials the size you wanted,” he started, quickly closing the door behind him as he presented his new supplies, half of which he’d gotten for Aiden, “but the village south of here usually-”

His next breath was a sharp intake, making up for the one Aiden took from him. Because as often as they’d traveled together Eskel had never been blessed enough to see him like this.

Their room had been equipped with a mirror, a rare luxury in inn rooms, though Eskel hadn’t imagined it would get much use between the two of them. He’d apparently been wrong.

Aiden’s back was to him, blocking most of the mirror from view as he soothed his hands down the silken fabric of a dress that barely contained his muscular build. Compared to many witchers Eskel had come across Aiden was rather lithe but the thin, thin straps that wrapped up and around his shoulders made every inch of muscle impossible to ignore, the loose fabric still somewhat tight around his toned midriff, the skirt gracing his mid thigh as the hand smoothing down its fabric reached the ends. And Eskel had never been one to put much thought into color but that particular shade of light blue was cementing itself as its favorite as it drew attention to the beauty in Aiden’s dark, dark skin.

It took everything Eskel had in him to tear his eyes away from the ends of that dress, and it was only because Aiden was looking back at him. A hint of teeth in his grin, dark eyes bright with something joyous, and there was a lightness to his expression that Eskel had never been witness to before.

“Like what you see?”

The purr made Eskel’s voice catch in his throat. He could only give a short nod in response but Aiden didn’t tease him for it for once, turning back to admire his own reflection, smoothing his hands down his chest and stomach as Eskel dared to step closer to get a better look at his front.

“Found it in a small market just last summer,” Aiden mused, not taking his eyes away from the dress in the mirror even as Eskel stepped up next to him. “Couldn’t wear it out, sadly. Can’t be getting monster guts on something this soft.”

Aiden didn’t look at him, but he looked near him, eyes half-lidded and mischief curling the edges of his mouth. “Wanna feel it, darling wolf mine?”

Eskel wanted nothing more than to do just that. Though it hadn’t crossed his mind until Aiden brought it up he suddenly found his hands were desperate to grasp that silken fabric, to feel it beneath his calloused fingertips, to watch it scrunch up and fold in on itself as it’s shoved out of the way of his greedy hands searching out more to touch.

He swallowed thickly, Aiden’s eyes following his hand through the reflection as he lifted just one, reaching out to barely touch the edges of the fabric, not daring to touch where it laid against his skin. It was cool against his skin, soft, light and fragile in a way Aiden was very much not. Eskel studied every inch of him in the mirror and memorized the way dark curls reached out from the v of the neckline, how his chest strained against the material, how Aiden rivaled the ethereal beauty of painted murals of the gods in something as simple as a dress he’d found and thrown on without a second thought.

Melitele’s tits but he loved this man, and he wanted him. Wanted to lick up the lines of his thighs, suck on that clever tongue, taste him like he hadn’t dared to taste anyone in years.

“It’s-” Eskel cleared his throat at the rough start, blinking to try and quell his own thoughts. “It’s soft.”

He didn’t look up, keeping his eyes on the reflection of his fingertips where they gently rubbed against the soft blue. But he felt Aiden’s gaze on him all the same, and when Aiden reached over to run the back of his fingers against his cheek and the edge of his lips he couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

“We don’t have to.” The words were a gentle offer though it did nothing for the stutter of his heartbeats. “But I have wondered if you’d like to.”

They’d come close. Dangerously close before. Eskel would remember those nights when he’d run a hand between his legs, his breath catching at the memory of sharp teeth nipping at his lips and jaw and neck. The way those hands had felt running up his back and hitching up his shirt, how Aiden’s scent had been on him for what felt like days just from a heated makeout, making him finger himself open and wonder what it would be like to have Aiden underneath him and between his thighs while he rode him for all he’s worth.

Gods but he wanted, but he was too afraid to reach out and take what could be his.

“We don’t have to.”

He looked up at last, finding no clever grin but a soft frown, and Aiden turned to face him instead of the mirror. Rough palms cupped his cheeks like he was something precious and it made his chest flutter in the way only Aiden had ever been able to manage, his thumbs stroking his skin as his head tilted, braids spilling over his shoulder like black ink.

“I want you, my darling wolf.” Aiden leaned in close enough to brush their noses together, his long lashes gracing the top of his high cheek bones when his eyes fluttered closed for a few moments. “But though my nose tells me you want the same, I understand if you’re not…” A breath through his nose, and then his eyes met Eskel’s, steady and warm. “However you’ll have me, love. If it’s only ever chaste kisses by firelight or bare skin with no sex, it’s whatever you want.”

Eskel had never been a wordsmith but he’d never found the ability to speak so quickly stolen from him by anyone else. He found the only thing holding him up were the rough hands gentle on his cheeks and the fabric that he’d clenched in his hand which he used to gently tug Aiden closer.

“I want you,” he rasped out, emotion making his voice hoarse. “But…”

“You don’t have to explain it, love, truly.” A kiss was placed at the tip of his nose that was meant to soothe him but Eskel clenched the soft fabric of the dress harder to fight the fears that held him back.

“I know. But I want to- and I don’t want to not fuck you.”

“Well.” Aiden blinked, and then ducked in for a peck to his cheek, dusting them quickly all the way to the corner of Eskel’s mouth that couldn’t help but twitch upwards. “Let’s at least get cozy while we talk then, shall we?”

Eskel found himself tugged along to the bed, where they made themselves cozy enough pressed against each other’s sides, their backs to the wall and legs stretched out across the bed the wrong way. Aiden’s legs were impossibly long and begged to be touched but Eskel kept his hands out of trouble by holding his hand instead, knowing it would be best to discuss this before they went any further.

If Aiden would still want to go further.

He breathed deeply to prevent the panic that threatened to rise up; no matter how many times someone knew all of him and still accepted him, still loved him, it never failed to make him worry that this time it would be different. That this time he’d be found lacking or worse, and if it happened with Aiden he wasn’t sure how he’d recover.

Was love always this terrifying? Or was that just a product of who he was and how the world had treated him? He rested his head against Aiden’s shoulder, playing idly with his fingers, letting the touch ground him as much as it could.

“It’s not something that’s easy to talk about.” He always started the conversation like this. Let the other person know he’d wanted to bring it up, that he hadn’t really been hiding it but hadn’t known how to tell them. That it was difficult to bring up. Not in as many words, not always in the same words - he was just grateful that Aiden was so damn good at hearing what he didn’t say.

That was the easy part. He shifted closer to Aiden to hide the urge to squirm; talking about his body always made him itch, made him want to crawl out of it, no matter that most any other part of the day he was comfortable in his own skin. It was fine until he drew attention to it and thought about it - about how others might think about it, and he knew damn well from his scars that people could be nasty with their thoughts.

Most people didn’t matter. But Aiden did. And he struggled more with words over this issue than he did any other.

“I don’t… When I’m naked I- my privates don’t...exactly look like the average man’s.”

Aiden squeezed his hand, intertwining their fingers in a nonsensical pattern. “Honey I’ve seen a lot of dicks in my life, no two men look exactly alike.”

A steady inhale through his nose got him through his next words. “I’ve had people look at me before and refuse to call me a man.”

The hand intertwined with his own stopped moving, clenching a little tighter, and though Aiden didn’t tense up further than that Eskel knew he was angry. He was good at keeping loose when angry. And perhaps for the briefest of moments Eskel’s mind played with the thought that he could be angry at him and not the ones who’d hurt him before.

“I’m no less of a man in a dress,” Aiden mused, his tone light, fingers going back to twisting around his as if they both couldn’t hear the cold anger beneath his words. “And you’re no less a man no matter what you look like.”

Those words relieved a pressure in his chest that Eskel would feel bad about having later. He always did; always hated the doubts and fears, though he knew there was nothing he could do about them. Knew just the same that any apologies would be brushed away or scowled at, depending on the recipient, so like all of his fears he kept it to himself, instead turning to kiss the bare shoulder that he’d had his cheek pressed against.

“S’long as you're fine with that, I’m fine with feeling your dress.” With his fears gone a playful grin tugged at his lips, his free hand coming to rest on the thick thigh that had been calling to him since the first time he’d discovered Aiden had little shame when it came to his bare skin. It flexed under his touch and Eskel let out a quiet snort, running his hand up until just his thumb was underneath the dress, giving the firm muscles a nice squeeze as he looked up at him.

“Just the dress?” Aiden’s natural look was a mischievous one, and it set Eskel on fire seeing it then. He wanted to see exactly what kind of mischief Aiden could get into with him.

He just had one simple request. “The dress stays on.”

And Aiden was more than happy to oblige him.

---

Eskel had been pulled into Aiden’s lap, one hand tangling in the braids that had been begging to be tugged, the other holding Aiden’s face as they kissed each other breathless. It had occurred to him on several occasions how that quicksilver tongue of Aiden’s could possibly drive him crazy and he was imagining them all over again - what it would feel like to have it teasing the soft flesh of his inner thighs, interspersed with sharp nips; what it would feel like licking his cock, licking into him, driving him wild and setting a fire burning inside of him.

He moaned as Aiden licked into his mouth, other hand running over the short hairs at the side of his head, an idle thought that he’d gone longer than usual without shaving that side quickly being banished in favor of clearing his mind of nothing but the heat of those hands at his hips gripping him tight.

Gods but he’d wanted, and he was finally going to have him.

“I’ve always wondered,” Aiden mused against his lips when they finally paused to breathe, his tongue brushing against Eskel’s lips when he licked his own, “how you would taste. How you would feel on my tongue- gods would that be alright, darling wolf? Can I taste you?”

Eskel shivered at the thought, leaning their foreheads together and taking a few shuddering breaths. “Yes.”

He didn’t have to see it, he could feel Aiden’s grin. Could count on the flash of teeth and the glint in his eyes, knowing him well enough to expect the reactions even in this new situation they’d found themselves in.

Once he managed to steady himself enough to lean back and away, his pants could not come off fast enough. They didn’t come off all the way, shoved down to his thighs with only a moment’s hesitation, over a decade of trust overriding the fear Aiden had sufficiently beaten back just a little while before with his words.

Aiden’s hands cupped his ass as he stared greedily at Eskel’s cock, eyes flicking up right before he tugged him in close, kissing at the fuzzy trail of hair that ran down from his belly button all the way down. Eskel was left supporting himself with his forearms against the wall, head resting against it as he looked down, watching entranced with his lips parted as Aiden left such gentle kisses they made his stomach flutter.

“You let me know if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, love.” He licked a strip of his skin, making his muscles clench, and Eskel was already thankful Aiden was all but holding him up like this - otherwise his knees would surely fail him. “Want to make your toes curl, not your stomach curdle.”

“Gonna do that with words alone?”

“You know I could.” One last teasing flash of teeth, and then any response Eskel might have had died on his lips with his next breathy gasp as Aiden ducked in to press his tongue firmly against him.

His cock was practically dripping already though Aiden had done little more than kiss him up until that point, his need and want showing but Aiden didn’t seem to mind at all. Aiden tasted every inch of him just as greedily, starting firm and going from root to tip, then leaning back to flick his tongue against Eskel’s small head and drawing noises from him. It made Eskel want to rock into him but he held himself back, holding as still as possible while Aiden licked further down him, pressing against the hole right below his cock and making him choke on his breath.

“Fuck.”

“Mmmm, yes,” Aiden purred, pressing his lips to the base of his cock and looking up at him behind long lashes. “I’ll do that too, love.”

“You’d better,” Eskel growled down at him with no real heat, his hips twitching despite his best efforts, though Aiden made no move to stop the movement.

Instead, Aiden kissed him, firm but not quick, before sucking the whole of him into his mouth. And the noise Eskel made was one he didn’t even have the mind to be embarrassed by, too lost in how easily he fit in Aiden’s hot, wet mouth, how his tongue could work the whole of him so easily, so efficiently, and how eager Aiden was to make out with his cock.

He knew he’d be good with his tongue, but Eskel hadn’t realized how good, and he was regretting not having their earlier conversation much much earlier.

Aiden made up for lost time by driving him wild. There was no shame to be found in the noises he made, how he’d purr against him, the greedy noises that escaped his throat while he worked Eskel’s small cock with his tongue. He sucked and licked and gently grazed his teeth against it until Eskel was shaking from the effort to stay still, to not attempt fucking that hot mouth, until Eskel was certain if anyone else had been on that floor with him that their activities would not go unnoticed.

Not that he cared if anyone knew. Let them hear how he keened for his beloved cat, how he moaned his name into the faded wallpaper that he clawed into to stay afloat.

It was when that tongue dipped lower again, pressing into him just a touch, that he couldn’t help it anymore. Eskel rocked against his mouth without thought to the motions, Aiden never once moving to slow or stop his movements, just holding him up where his arse met his thighs and letting him chase the pleasure. As he moved Aiden moaned into him, tongue pressing against his insides and making Eskel keen some more, nails digging into the wall when Aiden removed his tongue and left him feeling far too empty without it.

He licked back up to his hard cock, kissing it with open lips, voice rough with want when he pressed words against him. “Going to fuck my mouth, darling wolf mine?”

“Want me to?” He could barely hear himself past his own desire.

Aiden hummed against him, resting his head, nuzzling into him and giving slow, lazy licks as he took his sweet time thinking it over. “Depends…” Another lazy lap of his tongue, two, three, and Eskel was damn ready to hold his head still and fuck his mouth instead of waiting for the answer. “Would you be able to come for me again if I let you?”

Eskel ground lightly against his mouth, feeling his lips drag against him, hardly able to keep his eyes open at how delicious it felt. “Depends,” he drawled out as a tease, Aiden’s greedy mouth chasing his movements, “how good you are with your cock.”

“Then I’ll aim for three.”

And that promise broke the rest of Eskel’s desire to hold back.

He ground against Aiden without restraint, leaving it up to Aiden to fight for a breath if he needed it, desperate to have his cock as deep into his mouth as he could get it. There wasn’t much for thrusting but he could grind against his tongue and lips and he did, moaning deep from within his chest as Aiden greedily ate him up. His hands itched to be in his hair, holding his head with the roots of it, and he managed to transfer his weight to only one forearm just to be able to do that. Wrapping the braids around his wrist lightly until he had a decent grip, hearing and feeling Aiden moan against him at the tug of it, fingers grasping at the back of his head so Eskel could really work his mouth.

It was all so much, but not enough. His breath caught in his throat on a moan as Aiden sucked him hard, making his hips stutter, but he wanted so much more than even this. Wanted Aiden’s fingers inside of him, working him open, his tongue pushing in alongside them until he was writhing around them. Wanted to feel Aiden’s cock against his own, grinding against him, making him so wet there’d be little use of lube. Wanted to feel him pressing into him until all he could feel was Aiden, all of him, wanted to clench around him and make him go as wild as Eskel always felt around him until he was spilling into him-

Just the thought of that, of Aiden coming inside of him, made Eskel’s orgasm hit him hard and without warning. His jaw locked while his hips stuttered desperately, a whine tearing out of his throat as he ground against Aiden roughly, imagining feeling his hot seed spill into him and leak out of him for the rest of the day. His own dripped slowly down his thighs but Aiden greedily lapped up every drop that he could, groaning as he helped Eskel through the waves of pleasure, sucking his cock until it was just on the edge of too much and Eskel tugged on his braids a little too roughly.

With a final, firm lick, Aiden let up, letting Eskel slump and rest against the wall, trusting Aiden to not let him fall. He panted heavily, finally releasing his desperate grip on Aiden’s hair, gently scratching the back of his head in lieu of an apology while Aiden nuzzled into the soft flesh of his upper thigh.

They stayed like that for a minute while Eskel came down, being grounded by peppered and light kisses all across the stretch marks that ran across his thighs. He hummed, content, as he let more and more of his weight be held up by Aiden’s strong arms, melting at the tender affection that no one else had ever deigned to give him.

Eventually, Aiden let him down gently, kissing all the way up the soft skin of his stomach, his chest, his collarbone and neck and all the way to his lips when Eskel was seated in his lap. It made his breath catch, the tender affection, and for a brief while Eskel and Aiden both ignored the obvious need pressed against Eskel’s thigh in favor of trading soft kisses.

This was unlike anything he’d ever had with anyone else, and Eskel savored it like he’d never taste it again - but he knew without a doubt he could have it whenever he wanted, because Aiden was his. Strong and steady beneath his fingertips, devoted and loving and there.

Sappy emotions aside, Eskel’s pants were cutting a little uncomfortably into his legs, as were his smalls. He gave Aiden another firm peck before wiggling out of his grip, falling back on the bed to unceremoniously rip his pants and the rest of his clothes off to toss wherever they might land, letting his hands rest on top of his own stomach as he sighed.

“You are stunning, love.”

Eskel quirked an eyebrow at Aiden but it did nothing to hide the rising blush. A hand found its way up his leg, squeezing as it went, Aiden’s eyes following its path with hunger.

“Beautiful,” Aiden murmured to himself, moving to crawl between Eskel’s legs, kissing up one as he went as if he couldn’t keep his hands and mouth off of him. Eskel made room for him and reached out to play with his hair as he crawled up him further, jerking under him when he kissed his still too-sensitive cock - but he didn’t tell him to stop, didn’t want him to stop, wanted to bask in the warmth of him, them.

“Tell me how to, love.”

“Hmmm?” Eskel cracked his eyes open, not having even realized they’d been closed, drinking in the sight of that cool blue against Aiden’s beautiful dark skin. But he had to roll the request around in his head, not knowing what he meant. “How to what?”

“Fuck you, darling.” Another kiss to his cock made him shudder, his fingers winding around the braids he’d been playing with. “I want to do this right.”

“That-” Eskel closed his eyes again, free hand itching for something to hold onto so he reached out blindly for one of Aiden’s, linking their fingers together just because he could. “That one’s fine. S’easier, don’t need lube. Do we even have any?”

He felt Aiden shrug against him. “I’ve usually got some with me. Pesky calluses make for some rough lonely nights.”

That earned him a soft snort, Eskel grinning as he opened his eyes again as Aiden shifted to get more comfortable on his side. He kissed the hand linked in his own before taking it back, and soon Eskel knew just how rough those calluses could be when those clever fingers pressed against his cock.

It felt good despite it, though it was still too much. He was thankful when Aiden left his cock alone to dip beneath it, his middle finger gently rubbing at his hole, encouraging him to relax and allow his finger to slip in.

Eskel reveled in how Aiden took over. Laid him back and kissed every inch of him he could reach as he worked one finger gently into him. The pressure was never too much, the stretch never too far, Aiden taking his time so that Eskel felt like he could melt back into the bed beneath him. If he could purr he would have, sighing as he felt himself open up slowly, as Aiden pressed praises into the scars on his soft stomach and thighs as if he was worth every single one of the honeyed words he gave him.

With Aiden, he almost felt worth it. Almost felt as precious as Aiden treated him. And as he gently tugged on his braids just because he could, just to let Aiden know he was listening, Eskel thought that maybe someday he’d believe every single word.

It was when the third finger was deep inside of him, gentle presses to the spot that let soft moans slip from his lips, that Eskel started to move with him. That it was finally too much to lay there and let himself be cared for because he wanted more, wanted to feel Aiden moving inside of him.

“S’good, that’s enough.” His words were more like sighs, Eskel tugging at his braids once more, and with a final kiss to his stomach Aiden complied - though the withdrawing of his fingers left Eskel far too empty for his liking.

“How would you like it, love?” Aiden moved to his knees, kissing up to his chest, pausing briefly to brush his lips against the scars that ran underneath his pecks and peppering them with light kisses before kissing up to meet his lips. “Like this? On your hands and knees?”

The latter sounded very, very tempting, and for a moment Eskel considered it. How Aiden’s fingers would bite into his hips, how he’d feel draped against his back as he drove into him - but it felt too…

“Like this.” He nipped Aiden’s lip before soothing it with his tongue, wrapping one leg around him to draw him closer.

Eskel wanted to bask in what they’d built together that day. The sharing of their more private lives, kissing scars, gentle hands on skin that had seen naught but a rough life. And facing each other while they both fell apart, in each other’s arms, felt like the right way to continue.

Aiden kissed him like he believed just the same, ending it with a few nips of his own before sitting back. The man knew he was unfairly attractive and took a moment to run his hands down his silken dress, edges of his lips quirking up as he did, until his fingers played with the edges of the skirt. Eskel watched with interest, one hand reaching down to run his fingers over his own cock, not enough to chase any sort of pleasure but enough so that the absence of touch didn’t make him ache.

He could have probably gotten off like that though, watching Aiden touch himself, and he stowed that thought away for later inspection as Aiden lifted up the skirt just enough to tease him.

“Bet you’re going to feel so good for me, darling wolf,” Aiden purred, one of his hands going to rub at the obvious erection hidden beneath the dress. Some of the fabric quickly turned a darker blue and Eskel heard his own breath hitching at the wet spot, his fingers itching to rub at himself harder, faster. “Going to be so hot, so tight, so perfect for me, love.”

“Won’t find out if you don’t get on with it.”

Aiden trilled, his own breath catching at his own touch. “Want me that bad? Want me to fuck you til you forget your own name in favor of mine?”

“Yes,” he panted, and by the gods did he mean it.

Aiden finally hitched up the skirt of his dress, and Eskel groaned at the sight of him. No smalls to cover him up, pre slowly leaking from the tip of his cock down the shaft. He’d seen his cock before - Aiden had no sense of shame when it came to his own nudity - but never had he seen it hard, and never had he wanted more than that moment to suck it into his mouth until his nose rested in the black curls at its base.

Yet another thought for later that he would be going back to, but for now he reached for Aiden, pulling him in as Aiden took his cock in hand and pressed it against Eskel’s.

It felt even more sinfully wonderful than he’d thought it would, their cocks moving together. Aiden held his and guided its head across Eskel’s slowly, replacing Eskel’s fingers as they clung to Aiden’s shoulders, his back, wherever they could reach.

“Fuck” was all Aiden could manage then, his eyes focused on where he rubbed them together, swirling his cock against Eskel’s, then running the length of himself against him. It took all Eskel had in him to watch as well, enraptured, lips parted and eyes heady at the way they moved together, the feel of it making him want to drop his head to the pillows and close his eyes and drown in it.

Aiden eventually let go of himself, pressing further against him, lifting one of his legs up by his thick thigh while the other caressed any part of Eskel he could reach as he slowly rutted against him. If it hadn’t been clearly by how achingly hard he was it was clear in his movements then, in the way his words had become nothing but cut off phrases of praises and curses: Aiden was close, and it had taken nothing but touching Eskel to get him there.

If he’d had the mind to think on it, Eskel might have preened. Instead he rocked his hips into his movements, watching as Aiden tried to keep control and almost failed, watching as he slowly wound up further and further towards his own edge.

Aiden caught himself eventually, a sharp intake through his nose as he forced himself to lean back just enough to reach down once more, taking himself in hand to guide the tip of his leaking cock to Eskel’s well prepped entrance. And when he finally pressed against him, finally breached him and started to fill him, Eskel couldn’t hold his head up anymore to watch.

There were no fireworks, no earth shattering realizations nor heavenly singing as Aiden slowly pushed into him. The world would not remember that moment but fuck if Eskel didn’t feel like the world was anything but the two of them for the lifetime of a single breath. For that moment all his world was the stretch of himself adjusting around Aiden’s cock, the sweaty sheen that had come over the both of them, how his own nails bit into his lover’s skin and how Aiden’s face had scrunched up like he was solving the world’s most complicated question.

It didn’t take long before Aiden was flush against him, his breaths coming harder, his arm shaking where it still held Eskel’s thigh to push his legs open wider. Eskel found his breaths came easy enough but he reveled in the feeling of something inside of him, someone inside of him. Aiden, his Aiden, who’d stretched him with care and pressed the most tender of kisses to his scars and stretch marks like he was someone precious.

He breathed, clenching around the cock inside of him lightly, drawing a moan out from the both of them that was followed by a long curse from Aiden.

“You’re so tight, love, how-” He circled his hips, grinding into Eskel, and swore as he moaned once more. “Gods but I love the feel of you, you feel perfect, amazing love- perfect for me, just-”

It was such a rare sight. Aiden being anywhere near close to undone in any fashion, his tight control remaining intact even in his flashes of anger, and Eskel couldn’t help but reach out and tug him in close to kiss him senseless. It earned him some more delicious grinding but they were stuttered movements, ones that told Eskel Aiden was closer than he’d thought.

And wouldn’t it be rather unbecoming of him to make him hold back any longer?

Eskel let their tongues run against each other while Aiden started to shallowly thrust into him, his own pleasure not having built back up to anything close to Aiden’s keeping his head clear enough to want to make mischief of his own. He nipped and sucked on his lower lip, running his tongue on it to feel him gasp, slowly moving with Aiden’s hip movements as he held him close.

“Feel good?” He kissed him in lieu of waiting for an answer, not needing one. “I’ve wanted this for a while now.”

“Have you, love?” Aiden was breathless, and Eskel reveled in it.

“Yes,” he breathed against his lips, grinding his hips up into him and feeling Aiden jerk with the effort to not chase his own release. “Wondered what it would feel like, you fucking me. In a bed, up against a wall. Bent over whatever poor surface you could find.”

“Fuck, you’d be gorgeous on display for me, perfect, fucking- perfect, love.”

Eskel squeezed around him, encouraging him to fuck him harder though Aiden still held back. He kissed up to his ear, licking and nipping the shell of it and feeling him shiver against him. “Going to feel this stretch for days and think of nothing but you, kitty cat. How you felt fucking into me, moaning my name, spilling into me-”

As if the thought alone bid him to do so, Aiden came hard with a gasp, jerking his hips and grinding into Eskel and spilling his seed deep into him. It had Eskel’s eyes rolling back, Aiden’s name dripping from his lips as he moved with him and helped him ride out his orgasm, squeezing around him in a gentle rhythm to encourage it on.

Eventually, Aiden collapsed onto him, letting his leg go in favor of worming his arms underneath him to wrap tightly around his waist, head pillowed against his chest. He buried his face there, still letting out the occasional soft noise, still buried deep inside of him as if that’s the only place he’d ever want to be.

With a hum, Eskel let himself relax and melt under him, slowly releasing the tension that had been building up in the growing pleasure. His own cock was hard and needy once more but it could wait, Aiden could have this and deserved it, this respite and soft affection of his own. And Eskel was happy to give it to him.

He held him and ran his fingers gently across the skin of his shoulders, rubbing soothing patterns into his upper back where he could reach. After stretching the cramp out of his left leg he hitched it up over Aiden’s, tugging him impossibly closer just to enjoy the feeling of them pressed together. He gently smoothed his hand over a rather wicked looking scar that ran across one shoulder blade, unable to kiss it at the moment but soothing the wound like it might take away any pain it had caused, his body pleasantly buzzing with the pleasure that still coursed through him as Aiden laid on top of him and just breathed.

“You are,” Aiden started after a minute’s rest, his words lazy and lax as they were pressed into his chest, “unfair.”

“Unfair?” Eskel smirked down at him, tugging him up to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Yes. Unfair.” Aiden laughed, more air than anything else, his eyes alight with humor. “Perfect. Astounding. Sexy enough to leave me wanting even when I already have you, love.”

“Tongue’s working again, I see.” It was easier to tease than face any of the praise, no matter that Eskel adored it - only from him. On anyone else’s lips it had always felt false, tasted bitter with deceit, but when Aiden kissed him then all he could taste was himself.

It didn’t take long before Aiden was moving again. Slower than before, a gentle lulling of their hips, unhurried and not having to hold himself tense this time around. Aiden kissed him lazily as they moved, his cock only half hard inside of him but gaining more interest, Eskel’s own desperate to be touched but for now went without.

They stayed kissing this time, the only words shared between them hushed ones against each other’s lips, quiet gasps of each other’s name when Aiden pressed against the sweet spot that made Eskel involuntarily squeeze around him, honeyed words that they meant kissed into the corners of their mouths while they both felt the heat building once more.

It was long, drawn out, slow. They caressed each other wherever they could reach, kissing each other’s cheeks and necks and shoulders like each kiss was a confession. And when they could no longer catch their breaths, when it was all too much, when Eskel’s eyes misted from the swelling emotion that came with the tight coil threatening to snap and send him over the edge once more, Aiden intertwined their hands together to hold him tight as he kissed the tears away from his eyes.

Eskel came first, and it was nothing like the desperation he’d felt before. It was a heat that stole the breath from his lungs and tore a single sob from his chest, a desperate plea on his lips - for what, he did not know. And Aiden came not long after, with Eskel’s name on his lips, escaping with the softest and most fragile sound he’d ever heard from him.

When they finally could breathe once more, Aiden slipped out of him, the both of them groaning from the absence. Not a word was said over the emotions that had been heavy between them because no words felt necessary then, Aiden shifting up until he could lay his head on one of the pillows with a deep sigh, scooping Eskel up into his arms to rest against his chest. The fabric of the dress still felt cool to the touch somehow, Eskel sparing an idle thought to hoping they didn’t stain it with any unsightly fluids - but he didn’t have it in him to care enough beyond that, his eyelashes still wet, his entire body humming though his legs needed a good stretch once more.

He sighed into his lover’s embrace, feeling Aiden press a few kisses to the top of his head, feeling safe in his strong arms. And he couldn’t help but return the affection, running a gentle finger across the burn scars that stretched across the right side of Aiden’s chest, following the movement with his lips and feeling the stutter of the heartbeat beneath them.

“I love you, darling wolf mine.”

Eskel felt that love, smiling softly as his eyes fluttered closed, not caring that it was nowhere near night as he hummed pleasantly, settling in to sleep. “Love you too, mischief.”

And there was no more pleasant sound in the world than Aiden’s laugh, though it was the sound of his steading heartbeat that finally lulled him to sleep.

-

@witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo

#eskel x aiden #aiden x eskel #aiden/eskel #eskel/aiden #the witcher #fanfiction #mywriting #my summer bingo #aiden #eskel #lemony

[neworleansspecial]

There’s been a push lately of including more trans characters and trans headcanons in fanwork lately, and that’s a good thing! However, most of the time, the content that gets promoted is by cis creators as opposed to transgender creators speaking from their real world experiences. While it’s important to boost trans voices, that’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t write trans characters as a cis person. 

Please note that this post is not an attack on cis writers! Far from it, in fact. I would say the majority of the time, cis people writing harmful content are doing it unintentionally- they probably just don’t realize that it’s a problem. The main goal here is to educate on what’s harmful, why it’s harmful, and what to do instead. In addition, some trans people, especially young trans people, can fall into these tropes too- after all, all of us were raised in the same cis-centric society. 

That said, trans people can write about these tropes if they choose- we’re allowed to discuss our own experiences or those we identify with in a way cis authors can’t or shouldn’t because of our different relationship to gender. If you’re transgender and you write using these tropes, that’s okay! But remember to be self-critical, too; are you writing these tropes because you enjoy them or because they reflect your experiences, or are you writing them because that’s what cis people promote or it’s what you think trans narratives must be?

This particular post will focus on common tropes in writing about transgender characters, and why they’re harmful, as well as ways to counteract them in your writing. As this is a long post, it’s under a read more. Thank you to @jewishbucke​ for all his help and support.

For the purposes of this post, let’s lay out some basic definitions so that we’re all operating on the same playing field and understanding.

Cisgender (cis): Someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Transgender (trans): Someone whose gender differs from the one they were assigned at birth. Trans people may or may not experience one or more kinds of dysphoria. The level of dysphoria a trans person experiences is not relevant to whether or not they are transgender. 

Dysphoria: The discomfort caused by a disconnect between someone’s gender and the one they were assigned at birth. Dysphoria can be physical (related to the body), emotional (related to their feelings/sexuality), or social (related to other’s perceptions of them). 

Gender Expression: The way a person outwardly expresses themselves and their gender. This can include but is not limited to pronouns, clothes, hair style, and name.

Transmasculine: A transmasculine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more masculine. Trans men are transmasculine people, but not all transmasculine people are trans men. Transmasculine people are transmisogyny exempt (TME), meaning they do not experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny that affects transfeminine people. 

Transfeminine: A transfeminine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more feminine. Trans women are transfeminine people, but not all transfeminine people are trans women. Transfeminine people are transmisogyny affected (TMA), meaning they experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny directed towards transfeminine people.

That being said, my point of view making this post is as a transmasculine TME person. I can offer my personal perspectives and experiences, but I cannot speak over or for the specific experiences unique to transfeminine people and trans women. If you are transfeminine or a trans woman, you are absolutely welcome to add on or correct me if in my words, I said something harmful to you and your community. We are all in this together and it is never my aim to overstep boundaries on something I do not understand. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into tropes common in transgender narratives. 

The Cis Savior

To start with, one of the most common tropes is the Cis Savior trope. This is commonly associated with the Trans/Cis trope, which I’ll elaborate more on later. The Cis Savior is often not the main character, but a supporter of a transgender main character. They can be a close friend, a family member, a love interest, or a coworker. 

In this narrative, the trans person is engaging in behavior harmful to themselves, often related to methods of their transition. The most common one you may have seen or written is the transmasculine person binding unsafely. In that example, a transmasculine person binds (flattens) their chest with something such as ace bandages, which are extremely harmful and can damage their ribs. The Cis Savior finds out about this behavior, scolds the trans person, and purchases or gives them a safe alternative like a binder designed to safely compress breasts. While this example is probably the most common one, it’s not the only one. In general, the Cis Savior trope is when a cis person finds out that a trans person is hurting themselves in some way and rectifies it with superior knowledge of safe practices and/or better resources than the trans person has access to.

The reason this is harmful is because it perpetuates two common misconceptions: first, that all trans people hate their bodies to the point of willingly harming themselves to relieve this self-hatred, and second, that cis people know better about trans issues and bodies than trans people themselves. That’s not to say that neither of these things is impossible. Trans people are not a monolith and there probably are trans people like that, at least for some point of time in their lives. In some situations, especially in reference to trans kids or people who have recently realized they’re trans, it’s possible that they don’t know their behavior could be harmful, or that there are safer alternatives. The problem lies in the repeated framing of this trope as the only kind of trans person and the idea that they can and will be destructive towards themselves until a cis person who knows better comes along. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives: 

A trans character behaves safely and explains how and why.

A trans character behaving unsafely is supported and educated by another trans person as opposed to a cis person (although this is something you probably shouldn’t be writing as a cis writer- some narratives are better left to us when it comes to the actual experiences of being transgender. Write about trans characters, not being trans!).

A trans character looking into transition on their own finds a supportive community. 

The Gender-Non-Conforming Trans Person

The Gender-Non-Conforming (GNC) Trans Person is a trans character who presents excessively similar to the gender assigned at birth as opposed to their actual gender- the trans man who wears dresses and makeup, the trans woman who has a buzzcut and hates skirts, etc. Like is pointed out above in the “Cis Savior” trope, trans people like this can and do exist! Some trans people are GNC for various reasons- personal style, sexuality, being closeted, or just because they feel like it. 

Narratives about the GNC Trans Person are very focused on the trans person presenting in a way that does not align with their gender, and is often No-Op (Does not have or want gender confirmation surgery) and No-HRT (Does not have or want hormone replacement therapy). It’s also often combined with the “Misgendered” trope. Trans characters in this trope seem to be extremely against presenting the way “expected” of their gender. For example, think of a transfeminine character not wanting to shave, be it their legs, armpits, face, or any other part of their body that cis women are expected to shave. This can lead to the character being mocked, dismissed, told they are not “really” trans, fetishized, and/or misgendered. These characters are often described as not passing as their gender.

This trope is harmful because it plays into the rhetoric that trans people are faking it or attention seeking. Like stated above, GNC trans people can and do exist. In fact, in my personal experience, a lot of trans people are GNC in some way or another. What is and isn’t considered conforming to gender is very strictly based on cisheterocentric ideas of gender presentation, and fails to take into account the intricacies of being transgender, especially if the person in question is also LGB. Trans people don’t have to conform to the restrictive societal views of what acceptable gender presentation is in order to be “really” trans. The stereotype of highly GNC trans people comes from the idea that they’re choosing to be transgender as a means of attention seeking, which simply isn’t true. Trans people didn’t choose to be trans- it’s just another part of them, like their eye color or the shape of their nose.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans character having fun with gender presentation- why not shop from both sides of the store?

A trans character expressing gender-nonconformity in smaller ways.

Multiple trans characters with different gender presentations.

The Misgendered Trans Person

The Misgendered Trans Person is another common narrative in which a trans character is misgendered, whether it be on accident or on purpose, by a cis character. This can be a family member, an old friend, or a complete stranger. This trope also includes dead-naming, the act of referring to a person by a “dead” name that they no longer use as part of their transition.

When it comes to this trope, it’s usually with a narrative similar to the Cis Savior- the trans character is defended by a nearby cis one. More often than not, the Misgendered Trans Person trope is also combined frequently with the Forced Outing. In this story, a trans person is referred to by pronouns they do not use- in particular, those associated with their assigned gender at birth- as a means of causing angst and discomfort. They may also be called their dead name, also to create drama in the story. For example, consider a trans character hanging out with their family, and their mother uses the wrong pronouns for them, causing the character discomfort. This also includes narratives about a character realizing they’re trans, in which the character is referred to by the wrong pronouns and their dead name until they realize they are transgender. More to that point, as a cis author, you should never write a story about someone realizing they’re trans- as said above, write about transgender characters, not about being transgender.

This is harmful because it minimizes the very real pain and dysphoria that can be caused by misgendering or dead-naming. Changing names and pronouns are often the very first steps trans people take in their transition, and an instrumental part of their identities and journeys. Consider it in terms of your face. You have your own very specific face and it is an integral part of yourself and identity. Imagine someone repeatedly insisting that it’s different. They tell you that your eyes are a different color, or your jaw is shaped differently. It would be uncomfortable, and it’s wrong. Obviously this isn’t an exact or fair comparison, but names and pronouns are not just words when it comes to identity and trans narratives. 

In terms of alternatives to this trope, there aren’t any. 

There is no acceptable or reasonable way to write a character being misgendered or dead-named as a cis author. This is especially true when you take it upon yourself to make up a dead name for a character. No excuses, no arguments. Just don’t do it. 

The Self-Hating Trans Person

The Self-Hating Trans Person trope is where a trans person’s dysphoria, be it physical, emotional, or social, is so extreme that they hate themselves and their bodies in an all-consuming way. This character is incapable of loving themselves and will often rely on a cis character for positivity, support, or self-esteem.

It would be impossible to acknowledge this trope without considering its ubiquity- while the description above is clear and severe, it overlaps often with many other tropes and less intense versions of it have a tendency to appear in most trans narratives. It’s associated with the trans character wanting to be cis (often worded as wanting to be “normal”), behaving in ways dangerous to themselves, and/or refusing to accept comfort. For example, a couple common uses of this trope are unsafe binding in transmasculine people, self harm or mutilation, and conversion therapy. The Self-Hating Trans Person narrative typically involves the character being aggressive toward people who question or try to combat their self hatred as well. 

As touched upon in the Cis Savior trope, this is harmful because it perpetuates the stereotype that trans people must hate themselves, and be willing to go to extreme lengths because of it. Plenty of trans people don’t care that they’re trans, or even like that about themselves. The idea that being trans is something that should make a person hate themselves implies that it’s bad or wrong, which it isn’t. There are some trans people who do have these negative feelings- and of course deserve all the support they want and need- but plenty of trans people don’t feel that way. Trans people can and do love themselves and their bodies. Some trans people don’t have severe dysphoria, or may not really have any at all. Trans character’s narratives shouldn’t always be about suffering.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person who loves themselves and their trans body. (Be conscientious of straying into fetishistic territory, though- trans people are more than their bodies! When in doubt, ask.)

A trans person whose unhappiness is about something else, like losing a pet.

A trans person being loved and supported by their friends. 

The Forced Outing

The Forced Outing trope usually goes hand-in-hand with the Misgendered Trans Person. This trope includes a trans person, either closeted (not out, pre-transition) or stealth (not out, post-transition) having their identity as transgender being revealed to one or more people without their permission.

When it comes to Forced Outings, this usually happens around a cis love-interest, and is typically followed by said love-interest assuring the trans character that this doesn’t matter to them. Another common response is the trans character becoming a victim of violence, such as a beating or sexual assault. For example, a trans person gets “caught changing” and is outed to the person who sees them, without their consent. The “caught changing” is another common way this trope is expressed, usually in a bedroom, bathroom or locker room. Sometimes there’s a happy ending. Sometimes there isn’t.

It should be clear why this trope is harmful- outing someone, be it as transgender or gay or any other LGBT+ identity, is not just disrespectful, but it is extremely dangerous. Just because you wouldn’t react poorly doesn’t mean others are the same. Outing a trans person in real life could get them hurt really badly, or even killed, on top of being outright rude and presumptuous. While this is fiction, it’s important to recognize that the media we consume affects the way we view real world situations. In your story, things may turn out fine, but the harsh reality is that in real life, it usually doesn’t. Trans people can and do get killed when they’re outed. Besides that, it follows along with the rhetoric that someone is “lying” if they don’t immediately disclose that they’re transgender. Trans people do not have to tell you that they’re trans, especially if they don’t know you. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternative: 

A trans person already being out to and accepted by their loved ones.

The Predatory Trans Person

The Predatory Trans Person is usually same-gender-attracted (SGA) and/or transfeminine. They prey on cis people by coercing them into romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes the trans person is considered predatory because they didn’t out themselves beforehand, or they use their being transgender as a means of guilting someone into having sex with them. It often overlaps with the PIV trope.

These narratives often revolve around sexual situations, and tend to focus on the cis partner as the main character. It prioritizes the comfort and feelings of the cis person. They’re uncomfortable, but can’t say it for fear of being seen as transphobic, or making their partner angry. For example, the cis character and trans character go on a few dates, and the trans character is presumed cis until they get to the bedroom. The trans character is pre-op and “convinces” the cis person to have sex with them anyway, despite them being uncomfortable. The most common form of this narrative is the transmisogynistic telling of a trans lesbian “coercing” a cis lesbian into sex.

This is harmful for two reasons- first and foremost, it paints trans people as being inherently predatory. It implies that trans people are only trans in order to have sex with those who otherwise wouldn’t be interested in them, reinforcing a long-standing transphobic notion that being transgender is related to sexual deviance and/or fetishes. Trans people are not inherently predatory. Trans people are not just rapists in disguise. Second of all, it makes assumptions about the genitals of trans people. Some are pre-op or no-op, of course, but not all of us are. Some trans people have had bottom surgery. Some trans men have penises, some have vaginas. Some trans women have vaginas, some have penises. And even those who haven’t had bottom (gender confirmation) surgery are still allowed and able to enjoy sex with the genitals they have, and use language regarding their genitals that they feel most comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with that. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.* 

A trans person and a cis person having consensual sex.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Genderbend

The Genderbend actually refers to two common transphobic tropes; the first is headcanoning a cis character as being trans as the opposite gender. In other words, headcanoning a cis woman as a trans man, or a cis man as a trans woman. 

It also refers to the common fandom trope of genderbending (also known as cisswap) to make a character of one gender into the “opposite,” typically associated with changing their physical characteristics to match this new assigned gender.

Narratives about the Genderbend trope rely on two primary assumptions. They assume every character is cis by default, and that certain characteristics are inherent to certain genders. The cis to trans version of this trope often focuses on a “coming out” story in which the character realizes they are trans and comes out to their loved ones before pursuing social and/or medical transitioning. 

Cisswap, on the other hand, completely avoids the concept of being transgender, and instead makes the character into the “opposite” gender while they’re still cis. This often comes with physical changes, such as a character made into a girl getting wider hips and a more “feminine” facial structure, as is associated with cis women.

These narratives are harmful because of the assumptions they make about all characters/people being cis by default, and that these characters must have the common physical characteristics associated with that body type. The Genderbend in which a cis character is headcanoned as the “opposite” gender perpetuates a harmful rhetoric that trans people are really just their assigned gender at birth with a different presentation. It pushes the idea that transfeminine people are men in dresses and transmasculine people are self-hating women, both of which are misconceptions behind a lot of transphobic violence people face. 

Cisswap relies on the idea that presentation or physical characteristics equate to gender, and that in order to be a gender, someone must look a certain way. This is not only harmful to trans people, but to any person who does not fit strict western binary beauty standards. It also fails to acknowledge that gender is not a simple binary of man or woman, but a spectrum that includes a multitude of identities. It should also be noted that the Cisswap trope relies on standards of gender and presentation that are intersexist, racist, and antisemitic as well. In general, the Cisswap trope is harmful to many marginalized groups of people, including but not limited to trans people.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

Headcanoning/writing a character as being trans while keeping their gender the same.

A character being nonbinary.

Creating new OCs who are trans.

The Bottom Trans Man/Top Trans Woman (PIV in Trans/Cis Relationships)

The PIV (Penis in Vagina Sex) Trope is exclusive to Trans/Cis relationships, and typically revolves around same gender relationships. In the PIV trope, a pre-op trans person has penis-in-vagina sex with their cis partner. 

In these narratives, the focus is very heavy on the pre-op genitalia of the trans person in the relationship. It’s most commonly seen in m/m fanfiction, in which the trans man has vaginal sex with his cis partner, but also exists in f/f fic in which the trans woman engages in penetrative sex with her partner’s vagina. That’s not to say that trans people can’t or don’t enjoy sex this way, but in this particular trope, it is specifically written in a way that focuses in a fetishistic way on the genitals of trans people and makes broad assumptions about the bodies trans people have and the types of sex they enjoy. These narratives write all trans men as bottoms, and all trans women as tops. 

The reason this is harmful is because of the way it generalizes trans people’s bodies, their relationships to them, and the way they engage in sex. Of course there are pre-op (and no-op) trans people who do enjoy PIV sex with their partners, but that does not mean all trans people have those bodies or have that sort of sex. There are trans men who are tops, and trans women who are bottoms. There are trans people who have dysphoria about their genitals, and those who don’t. Some do not or cannot enjoy PIV sex, and that’s okay! The other common issue with this trope is the way that trans people’s bodies are described. Trans people often use words for their bodies that you might consider “anatomically incorrect” because it’s the language that they feel most comfortable with. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.*

A trans person having non-PIV sex with their partner.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Trans/Cis Relationship

Finally, the Trans/Cis Relationship trope- this trope isn’t inherently bad- there’s nothing wrong on its own with a romantic pairing being between a trans and cis character. The specific dynamic this is about is the trans character requiring reassurance, validation, or other kinds of support from their partner that a cis character would not ask for. 

This trope is very commonly associated with Cis Savior and PIV tropes as well. It focuses on the trans person being in a relationship with a cis person who they depend on to “validate” their gender, help with their dysphoria, and protect them from transphobic behavior. It tends to infantilize trans people and make them into someone who cannot function outside their relationship with the cis character. For example, a transfeminine character relying on their boyfriend to make them feel “feminine” enough in their relationship. While Trans/Cis relationships are not inherently bad or wrong, it can be very easy to fall into a trap of writing the cis character as the Cis Savior, and often comes hand in hand with PIV sex when it’s a non-heterosexual couple.

The reason that this trope can be harmful is that it implies trans people are not enough on their own- that they need the support of a cis person who decides they’re “normal” in order to stay mentally well. It comes back often to the Cis Savior trope as well. Trans/Cis relationships written by cis authors may fall into these traps without meaning to. Beyond that, trans people can- and often do- date each other. In fact, some trans people are t4t, meaning that they choose to only date other trans people because it’s what’s most comfortable for them and may be safer depending on the situation they live in. Trans people do not enter relationships based on who will make them feel “valid,” but on who they love- the same as everyone else. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person’s partner being trans as well. (Although, again, be mindful to write stories about trans characters, not about being trans!)

A trans person being emotionally supportive of their cis partner.

A trans person being single.

Thank you so much for sticking with me during this! I know it’s long, and that it’s not easy to read things that make you question things you’re used to, or to reevaluate things you may have written in the past. Once again, none of this was an attack! The goal of this series of posts is to inform and educate, rather than shame. People who make these mistakes often do it because they don’t know any better, or haven’t been exposed to anything besides these tropes. I encourage you to look at what other trans people have said about portrayals, and when writing trans characters, look for someone who would be willing to beta for you if you’re unsure. When in doubt, ask. And remember- write about trans characters, not about being trans! There are certain nuances to being transgender that, as a cis person, you simply don’t have the background or experiences to write on, and that’s okay! We’re all learning and growing together.

*If you absolutely want to write sex scenes involving trans people, the best thing to do is to get a trans beta- and listen to them- as well as use language that may not be what you consider anatomically correct. Trans people may call their genitals by words that don’t “match” for their own comfort, and using language that focuses on pre-op genitalia can come across and/or be fetishistic. Be mindful and respectful when writing these scenes.

#transgender #writeblr #writingtrans #trans #tusera #emwrite

[lgbtqwriting]

Hey! I've heard before that when writing trans chars, you should avoid describing parts of their body that don't align with their gender identity (like boobs on a guy), because it can be seen as trying to "other" them/point out how they don't fit in? But on the other hand, it seems odd to not describe their body, esp if the char has not transitioned and it will be noticed by some people in society that they have a different body shape. Couldn’t not describing the char’s body be seen as (pt 1)

downplaying trans people’s struggles, by pretending that the char can just fit in and have no issues when in real life trans ppl (I know not all) do struggle with their body not matching? I don’t want to accidentally “other” this char, but it’s also impossible for their body not to have some role in their experiences, so I was wondering if you had any tips. This is a fantasy setting, btw! (pt 2)

Hello! Two of the mods worked together to answer your question, and our response got a bit long-winded, so we’ve decided to put it under a cut in order to accommodate our followers who don’t want to scroll for ages. Please continue reading to see our input!

There’s nothing wrong with mentioning a trans character’s GNC (gender non-conforming) physical features in passing, so long as you are respectful of said character’s gender, pronouns, and dysphoria/euphoria or lack thereof. Unfortunately, cisgender writers frequently do not depict their trans characters in a respectful fashion, especially regarding bodily descriptions and/or dysphoria. If a writer is trans, there’s not really a “wrong” way for them to write a trans character (but if said writer is transmasculine and their character is transfeminine, they should do extensive research on harmful tropes that impact transfems before designing their character, and vice versa).

The best way to approach writing a non-passing (read: strangers notice they’re trans or at least GNC immediately on sight/by the sound of their voice) trans character as a cis writer is to remove your own biases and curiosities from any and all physical descriptions. 

Let’s use a common dilemma that the majority of transmasculine people (and characters) often face: deciding whether or not to bind their chest. 

In a [historical] fantasy setting, chest binding can be accomplished in a variety of ways, from the usage of magic (e.g. glamours that make it look/feel like they have a flat chest), to bandages and/or specially fitted armor (though if the method they use is rare, you may want to establish how your character came across it and was lucky enough to use it.)

Some transmascs bind in order to alleviate their dysphoria and/or feel euphoria, while others simply don’t want to deal with the hassle of getting funny looks from strangers for presenting very masculine but having breasts. And for others, binding is a purely practical, tactical choice that makes their movements less labored, as well as makes it easier for them to squeeze into tight spaces if they have to hide in or escape a tight space quickly. 

A fair number of transmascs, however do not bind. Perhaps they don’t have dysphoria, don’t care very much what strangers on the street think of them, or the thought to bind crosses their mind, but they find it uncomfortable (if bras get hot and sweaty easily, imagine how quickly an extra and most likely weighted compression layer underneath their everyday clothes do), and/or don’t want to for personal reasons. Or maybe they’re in the closet and think their family would disapprove. (One very real issue that our transmasc AND unaligned AFAB--assigned female at birth--nonbinary mod have is: being unable to afford a binder. This may be relevant if your trans character is an orphan or comes from a poor family.)

Ultimately, it’s up to you whether or not your character decides to bind their chest, but several of these hypothetical situations may help you see your character in a new light, should you change your mind about how they want to present. 

Advice from a transmasc mod: “If you give a transmasc character breasts and decide not to have them bind, make sure you treat them with dignity. Try not to use feminizing terminology (implying breasts ‘make women women’, since that would also alienate women who don’t have breasts, e.g. due to a battle with breast cancer.), and don’t have your character spiral into self-loathing every time you describe their frame.” 

Advice from a nonbinary AFAB mod: “I’d say the only thing you really need to be careful about is any scenarios where your character has/wants to act seductive. While some AFAB trans people aren’t afraid to wear shirts or dresses that show off their cleavage, it’s a bad idea to treat their breasts as ‘essential’ to sexually/romantically attracting someone. As long as you don’t linger on the physical description of their chest and/or how they feel about it for several paragraphs, you’ll be able to avoid coming off as fetishistic in describing their appearance.”

Please let us know if you have any further questions on this or other subject matter, we’ll do our best to help you out!

#writing advice #writing tips #trans writing #trans characters #transmasc #transmasculine #trans man #trans men #trans boy #dysphoria #euphoria #chest binding #gnc trans #writblr #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #genderqueer #transmasc nonbinary #passing as cis

[shrimpmandan]

I feel like the only reason the dysphoria debate exists is because a lot of people misunderstand/misinterpret what dysphoria is and what it isn't. This doesn't just go for tucutes, I've seen it from radmeds as well. So, because I have nothing better to do with my time, I'm going to break down GD into the most *layman* terms I possibly can, mixed with my own experiences as a trans guy. This is going off of the DSM-V's definition and criteria for gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults.

The Definition: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of at least 6 month's duration, as manifested by at least two of the following ...

What It Means: Gender dysphoria is defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance between one's gender and their physical sex. Primary sex characteristics refer to the genitalia, which is colliquy known as bottom dysphoria. Secondary sex characteristics include but aren't limited to voice, facial hair, chest, fat distribution, hips, and bone structure.

The Symptom: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: We've established that "incongruence" can be defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance. The dictionary definition describes "incongruent" to mean "incompatible". Your physical sex is incompatible with your gender. Your physical sex doesn't represent your real self, and it creates a feeling of discomfort. Some trans kids who are pre-pubescent may dread puberty because of this fact. Some trans folks may not realize anything is wrong until they're a good way through puberty already. Personally, I didn't fully grasp the differences between the sexes until I was a bit older. I knew boys had penises, and that I wanted one, but that was it.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, the desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: Have you ever had a fantasy about sawing your breasts or penis off? Throwing your uterus in the garbage? When your gender and sex are at odds, you want to get rid of the parts of your physical sex that are deemed "incompatible" with your gender, or prevent them from becoming a problem at all through the use of hormone blockers. Some trans people feel this less strongly than others, and may focus more on the desire for the sex characteristics of the opposite sex -- which is also a dysphoria symptom.

The Symptom: A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

What It Means: Have you ever let your thoughts wander about what it'd be like if you were born in a body that accurately reflects your gender? What does that look like to you, and how does it make you feel? For some trans people, they are saddened by this because of what could've, should've been so from birth. Others are overwhelmed with joy at the thought and are excited for when they can pursue transition. Some trans people experience a mix of both! Gender euphoria and dysphoria are intrinsically tied. If you feel all giddy at the thought of being the opposite or some in-between sex, that's a sign you have dysphoria.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This is probably the most straightforward symptom. Have you had long fantasies about being of the opposite or an in-between sex? How did that make you feel? Did you feel happy? A sense of longing? Bittersweet? If you have a strong desire to live as closely to a different sex socially and physically as you possibly can given your circumstances, it's very unlikely that you're cis.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: Commonly referred to as social dysphoria, this symptom refers to wanting to be perceived as a different sex by the rest of society. This manifests most commonly with pronouns. Males are referred to with He/Him, females She/Her, and They/Them is a neutral pronoun. For many, this also implies trying their best to pass. This doesn't mean trans people can't be GNC, but those with higher dysphoria may be more inclined to prioritize passing over free gender expression as to not risk being misgendered. You may also feel like you don't "fit in" with people of your assigned birth gender, and will gravitate more towards people of the same true gender as you.

The Symptom: A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This one is a bit hard to explain. Feelings and reactions aren't necessarily always different between the sexes. Any such differences are usually a result of socialization, e.g. a man being told that crying makes him weak, or a woman being told that she's too weak to do "men's work".

"A Strong Desire"

A criticism I've heard towards transmedicalism is not everyone experiences, or can identify, strong emotions. This is very much true, especially if you have autism or depression, which is common in transgender folks. Some autistic/ADHD people have alexithymia, which means they have the inability to identify and/or describe their own emotions and the emotions of others. Depression can only amplify this, making you feel numb and empty. And as someone who has both autism and depression, I can safely say that my dysphoria overpowers my low-key emotions, personally. Even though I have 5/6 symptoms, which is considered severe, I thought for the longest time that I had mild dysphoria because I wasn't really "feeling" much of anything. I don't at all blame someone for downplaying their own dysphoria because it's "not as bad" as what they read about. It's okay if you don't feel your dysphoria symptoms strongly! That doesn't necessarily mean you're not trans or are faking it.

"If you don't have both primary and secondary sex dysphoria, you just have body dysmorphia!"

This is something I heard from a radmed that I find downright hilarious. Body dysmorphia is not what radmeds think it is, AT ALL. Body dysmorphic disorder is described this way by Mayo Clinic:

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws in your appearance -- a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed, and anxious that you may avoid social situations.

Yeah. I was told I just have body dysmorphia because I said I didn't have high bottom dysphoria. Trust me, I know why y'all dislike transmeds as a whole if you've only ever interacted with those types. They fucking suck and tend to downplay anyone who just has less dysphoria than themselves. Body dysmorphic disorder and gender dysphoria are completely different, complicated conditions that cannot and should not be placed on a spectrum with eachother. "Ph, you hate your body but don't have dysphoria? You have dysmorphia!" Don't diagnose people like that. You aren't a medical professional and you look stupid.

If anyone has any questions about this, any at all, feel free to ask in the notes or in my asks. I try to be as civil as possible as being snarky is not the best way to actually educate people.

#long post #like a really long post #dysphoria debate #dysphoria discourse #transmeds #transmedicalism #transmed #truscum #lgbt discourse #dysphoria tw #somewhat #anyone can interact

[movedto-jewishbucke]

@cupidmarwani​ // this isn’t 100% happy but here we go

I think along with being bullied for being “weird” (aka showing signs of (unmedicated) ADHD) he was also bullied for being GNC, or “obviously” gay, even though he was like... convinced he was cis and straight (until high school)

10 y/o Buck: it’s completely normal to get “!!!” when the cashier at subway calls you sir even though you’re definitely definitely definitely a girl :) 100% girl :)

I think it’s important to note that he definitely knew that, like, gay people were a thing - I think there was probably an elderly lesbian couple that frequented his shul as a child and he was always just *saucer eyes* at them

(also he didn’t know why he was so “obsessed” with seeing gay couples on the street... or at his shul... until he was like “oh... I am a gay people... nice :)”)

12 y/o Buck: being uncomfortable with your birth name to the point of being nauseous every time you hear it is super normal actually :) anyway call me Buck or I’ll kick your shins :)

anyway Buck joined GSA his freshman yr of high school because he thought it’d be a great way to be an Ally(tm) and definitely wouldn’t awaken anything in him :)

when he joined GSA that’s when he met his Very First Trans Person

but let’s be real - he has probably met a trans person before without knowing it but, like, this was the first trans person he met who was like “I’m trans :)”

anyway! she was a trans woman (Ellie), two grades above him, and the first time she talked about her experiences(tm), Buck was just *saucer eyes* and he was just :O

14 y/o Buck: this sounds similar to my experiences :) I’m not trans though :) because I’m a Girl :) 100% a girl :)

but like anyway he kept going to GSA... as an Ally(tm)... and also he asked Ellie a lot of questions because he wanted to be a Great Ally(tm) and not because he was trans

two months later he was like “hmm... so that seems like... it was a lie...” and he came out - only to the people in GSA though - and he started testing the waters with new names (but he still mostly went by Buck as a “safe” name)

he came out to Maddie first- over winter break. it was the fifth night of Hanukkah. their parents had gone to bed and they were sitting in the living room, watching the candles burn, and eating the last of the latkes (and also arguing a little over which topping is best- sour cream or ketchup)

then he just kind of blurted it out- it definitely went something like “I’m sorry but ketchup is the best topping, you’re just wrong :/” then he blurts out “I’m trans” and Maddie’s probably kind of like “...okay? that has nothing to do with what is the superior topping but... okay? I still love you?”

obviously I think they have a more... serious, in-depth discussion about Buck being trans later but when he first tells her they just kind of leave it at that and move on

he comes out to their parents (with Maddie’s support) probably the first week of summer and I think they’re a little confused but they’re pretty supportive and do their best to educate themselves (Maddie helps them because almost as soon as Buck told her she did a lot of reading, I think)

also he comes out to his friends over the summer as well and probably loses a ton of them which sucks a lot for him because he didn’t think they’d have that poor of a reaction (especially considering they were supportive of their other friend who came out as gay a few months prior)

anyway, I like the idea of Maddie picking his name! with his permission of course... like I think they’re chilling in Buck’s room, talking about Trans Things(tm), and Maddie’s just “so is Buck going to be your name or........? because I love you but Buck Buckley sounds bad”

Buck’s kind of like >:( though he agrees and is just “uh no :/ I can’t find a name that fits though :/” and so Maddie’s like “oooh can I pick” and he’s like “...I will take suggestions, yes”

it’s not until halfway thru summer that Maddie finally comes up with a name- Evan -and they spend the summer calling him it just to see how he feels about it and he’s “!!!”

the last day of summer, Maddie cuts Buck’s hair and the euphoria!!! whew!!! his parents aren’t Too Happy about that but mostly because they end up having to take him to a professional hairstylist to Fix It and by the time they’re done fixing it, his curls are gone :(

Buck starts sophomore year with a semi-new wardrobe, a new name, a new haircut- a new everything

things are still :/ but he really does find out who is Real Friends are during sophomore yr and a lot of people are pretty supportive of him being trans(tm) and also he makes new friends!!! who love and support him!!!

also I think his extended family are pretty supportive- a little confused but supportive and they definitely slip up (just like his parents do sometimes) but it’s not malicious

his parents coordinate with the rabbi to see if he can have a bar mitzvah (since he had a bat mitzvah for his 12th birthday) and for his 16th birthday he gets a bar mitzvah and also a new (masculine) Hebrew name that his parents help him pick out :0

also Maddie buys him an LGBT siddur because I think that’s neat (there actually is an LGBT siddur- iirc it was created by a reconstructionist or reform synagogue in San Francisco)

also for his 16th birthday, his name is legally changed so he’s officially Evan Buckley on all of his documents and also his gender marker is changed too :)

anyway!! shortly after his 16th birthday, they start working on getting him on testosterone- because his therapist recommended it and it’s something Buck has been wanting for a hot minute

he starts testosterone a few months later which is very fun for him and he’s very :)

Maddie bullies him for having (and refusing to shave) his rat mustache but it’s all in good fun and also it is kind of ugly

(luckily for Maddie, he ends up growing a beard when his testosterone dosage is upped so the rat ‘stache doesn’t hang around)

anyway, he gets top surgery (double incision) the summer after he graduates- insurance covered some of it but the rest is covered by his parents (due to the cost they basically tell him that’s his grad gift which is fine with him tbh)

I think after top surgery Buck is pretty much... not dysphoric?

like, I don’t see him as having bad bottom dysphoria and most of the things he was dysphoric about went away after top surgery and testosterone

(ie his voice got deeper; he got taller on testosterone (though he was tall to begin with imo); his chest got [redacted]; etc)

so, like, yeah- I think he has bottom dysphoria but it’s “mild” (if any dysphoria can be called mild) and it’s not bad enough that he wants, or feels he needs, any of the bottom surgeries available

also he does pack but not consistently imo? I feel it’s mostly cause he forgets to because, again, he just... isn’t bothered by what’s going on down there

I think that is all... also I can’t believe I wrote... almost 1300 words... solely on trans!buck headcanons... we stan... I guess?

#911 fox #evan buckley #trans!buck #jewish!buck #ok to reblog

[werevulvi]

Perhaps it's not so special to just be a woman. Half the population is. So what? But to me it is a huge thing. To even be able to say those words "I am a woman." They feel magnetic somehow, clinging to my tongue. It's like the word "woman" has a texture in my mouth like no other word does, vibrating at a different frequency. As if it's poisonous to taste. Yet I taste it, yet I say it. And I will keep saying it until I've cleansed it, no matter how long it takes. No matter how annoyingly repetitive and unnecessary it may sound to you.

It is a big deal to me, because up until age 29, I never spoke of myself using that word. Not even once. To then pick it up, for the first time, at age 29... was huge. And it's been 2 years since then now, but I'm still struggling with it, and it's still huge. I still don't understand why it's so hard for me to hold and hold onto that word, yet I am fiercely protective of it. I toss it away, then pick it up again, remorseful and protective of it. And I do that again and again. For each time I pick it up again, it's as if I understand its value a little bit more. All the significance, trauma, love, pain and curiosity it carries. It is mine, and no matter how hard it is to hold... I refuse to ever truly let go of it.

I may not look like a woman, I may not even want to! But why does it matter? Why should it matter what a woman looks like? Am I taking it too far, with the masculinity, the beard and bald head? Am I pushing my idea of freedom for women's expression too far? "Yes, women can be masc and gnc, BUT..." is what I keep hearing. But what? "...but you're taking it too far by looking like a whole ass man" is what I feel like the rest of the sentence, which they do not speak, is. Perhaps I'm wrong, I can't read minds. But sometimes I feel like people's minds are so loud that I can't not hear their thoughts.

I get a lot of backlash for every time I state myself as a woman, with my obnoxious reluctance to pass as my true identity. It's difficult to properly word that, what I actually mean. Perhaps I mean to say that I refuse to look like the traditional ideal of what people expect a woman to roughly wanna look like, whether that be masculine or feminine, as long as it's clearly recognisably female in some way or another. And my "true identity" has nothing to do with my personality, or my preferred expression, but only my deep down true love for being bio female. Thus, my "reluctance to pass" is indeed my desire to keep and maintain my transition traits, and my "true identity" is my womanhood, but I don't mean it in the same way TRA's do.

That true love for being female, isn't an ideal, but rather something much closer to my survival instinct.

It's that feeling of wanting to protect yourself when in danger. It's that instant self defense you act on without thinking when you feel like you're being threatened. It's that instant reaction of removing yourself from danger the split second it touches you, your body. It doesn't matter which part of you that danger touches, whether it be your hand, knee, your love handles, scarred chest, hairy face or your genitals. No matter what part of you is touched by that danger, you will instinctively protect it. It's in that instinct that I found love for my female nature, in my instinct to protect it from harm. I found it beyond my survival instinct, because no matter what part of me is ever touched by danger, my subconscious mind recognises it as not just lovable and worthy of protection and care, but also as part of the whole. This means, that deep down I'm not just loving myself... I also know that I am whole. No matter how many parts of me are cut off or distorted... I will always be whole.

I don't always feel aware of that like in my frontal lobe, but damn, my reptile brain knows it and won't ever question it.

With that, I found that my dysphoria is a shallow creation of my frontal lobe, and that it's in contradiction of my survival instinct. Being suicidal and/or self-harming is similar to this. Even wanting to die, always came second to my survival instinct. That is probably why I never succeeded to kill myself, and also why I never succeeded to truly hate my body. This does NOT mean that such horrible suffering as dysphoria or whatever feelings lead to self harm, is somehow not real. That is not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying it's a kind of cognitive dissonance, which messes with the very core of your core instincts, and that... I think, makes such psychological issues especially harmful.

And I also mean that my self love may not always have been accessible to me on surface level, but that despite that, it has always been innate.

And with that said... having found my innate self-love, and invited it to my frontal lobe... that is sorta why I can't really regret my medical transition. Even though I still have days when I struggle. Because I can't think of my body as broken anymore. Not since I found that deep, deep, VERY deep down I view myself as whole, lovable, valuable, and worthy of respect, love and safety... no matter what ever happens to me. Because my body is me, and there is no true disconnect between my sense of self and my flesh. Only on surface level there can sometimes be disconnect.

Kinda like the branches on a tree may be disconnected at the crown, but deeper down they all share the same trunk. I see myself in a similar manner. That at the top of the tree is most of my conscious thoughts, feelings, memories, etc, as well as all the various parts of my body. Or that is what my frontal lobe is aware of. That is how I perceive myself on surface level, as a scattered mess of branches, twigs, leaves and what not, each representing aspect of me, seemingly chaotic and all disconnected. But I'm also partially aware of what's going on deeper within my mind. I'm aware of the trunk that connects all branches, twigs, leaves, etc, and I'm also aware of the roots. Not directly aware, but I sense it like an inkling. I can sense that not only is there a trunk and roots deep down that connects to all twigs, and all twigs to each other, but also there in lies my knowledge that no matter how many of my twigs are left intact... the tree will always be a whole tree.

And it doesn't matter what I look like, or what troubles my body has gone through. Survival will always be the first priority. And my self-love IS equal to my instinct to survive. Because the reason I will always come to my own rescue whenever faced with danger or threat, or perceived danger/threat, is because I love myself. Self-love is the first move before I'm even saving myself from the danger, before that split second reaction takes place. That is how fast, instant and innate my self-love is. It was too obvious to even be aware of, for most of my life.

I think that's why is was so hard for me to find my self love. Because well... it was more deeply buried than my survival instinct itself, which I thought must be the innermost core aspect of my existence. But I was wrong about that. Self-love goes even deeper than survival. THAT is the innermost core aspect. Or so I believe. Can't think of anything that would possibly go even deeper than that.

But also, although I am the most aware on my self-love in moments my survival instinct takes over, I am also aware of it in other moments.

This is also why I can't get rid of my transition traits such as my facial hair. Because finding that true self-love from deep within my core, basically made me fuse all my aspects and physical traits together into a complete wholeness. All needs to be protected and loved. Every twig, every leaf. Sacrificing bits and pieces of me that are not damaging to my health, is self harm and goes against my survival instinct/self-love. It does not matter if the parts of me are in their natural state or medically/cosmetically altered. Even if those parts of me are inconvenient for my social life.

You know how a people who get organ transplants, their bodies try to reject the new organ because their immune system regards it as foreign? Well, this is kinda like that, but the exact opposite. My body/immune system/whatever-the-fuck regards my transition traits as heakthy parts of my original body, and thus to be protected at all costs. Loss of them will result in pain and grief. Just like losing any other part of my body would. And why? Because we mourn the loss of what we love, and what we regard as "ours" and as important, whole, healthy, lovable.

Deep down I do not care as much about such things as having a functional social life. Deep down, I care much more about things like keeping myself whole, safe, healthy and loved. Getting rid of my beard goes against that. Even just shaving it goes against that. My subconscious mind regards such an act as self harm.

Does this make sense to you? That it has nothing to do with "gender," be it manhood, womanhood, dysphoria, femininity or masculinity. It has to do with self-love, self-respect and survival. And that is a hell of a lot more important than being read or respected as a woman by others. No matter how much it hurts, because respecting and reclaiming myself as a woman is also highly important to me. Thus, I have to find a way to be open and honest with myself as a woman, without further harming myself.

I know this is deep and complicated spiritual shit, but I'm just trying to explain something which I think is probably very important. This discovery I had changed my life dramatically. So am I trying to teach self-love? No, I dunno. I don't think I can do that. I don't think anyone can. Perhaps I'm just trying to show a possibility.

I also need to clarify that despite knowing I love myself deep down now, I still struggle to stay connected to that aspect of my brain. And when I'm disconnected from it, I override my survival instinct and it misinterprets itself. Basically I fall out of order and act in a self destructive way, thinking it's self protection when it's actually the opposite. With that I understand that my self-love and my survival instinct are dependent on each other and need to be in harmony with each other to really keep me alive, safe and healthy. And although I'm now sometimes aware of this bond deep with myself, I'm still in imbalance. Because I still confuse self destruction for survival sometimes. When I skip meals, when I stay up too late, when I ruminate, when I smoke cigarettes, when I skip exercising, when I let my dirty dishes mould, etc. So simply being aware isn't quite enough, but it got me very far ahead of myself.

Also, trivial matters and superficial woes still get to me. I'm still human. I'm still fallible. Which is okay, but also frustrating. And that is basically why I love being a woman, while at the same time I also still struggle to accept myself as a woman, because it does include accepting being too norm-breaking for the society that I live in to accept me. And that hurts. It's a challenge that I'm not gonna overcome over night, just because I found the most important key to my healing. It's still just a key, a framework or an attitude - not a cure or some kinda magical spell. It's highly valuable and extremely important, but I still need to properly work through my emotions and learn how to navigate my social issues.

But what I feel my self-love is doing to help me, is carrying me through all this, and soothing me when I most need it. It makes my struggle worth it, and it makes me see a hell of a lot more of my potential than I was ever aware of before. The only backside of it is... well, it seems it does get to my head sometimes, and causing me some mild narcissistic tendencies. It sometimes makes me impatient hearing people with low self-esteem go on and on about how worthless they feel. That isn't great, I know. I'm working on fixing that error too.

By Werevulvi, dated November 29th, 2020.

#my text #detransition #womanhood #gender nonconformity #self love #deep ramble #a little controversal maybe

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Sorry this isn't about being bi, but this blog is p active opposed to the usual I'd go to and i wanted to get this off my chest. (Afab) I'd been questioning my gender for a while and rn Im not uncomfy with being seen as a woman perhaps I've just been gnc or something, like I have felt dysphoria about my chest and lower area before but now I'm not and I know there's fluidity but I'm kinda worried that I had been faking being trans/enby. i still dont really like she/her pronouns though.

Hi anon. You’ve not been faking being trans/non binary. Maybe you were simply mistaken but you’re allowed to change your mind about things as you advance through life. And probably more people should be questioning their gender even if it turns out they are just whatever gender they were deemed to be at birth, questioning and exploring other options is not a bad thing to do and overall usually makes us more open-minded and more accepting of people who aren’t like us. 

Maybe you are trans though and your feelings about specific aspects of your identity and body have just changed. Even if you do experience gender dysphoria then that doesn’t have to manifest constantly or always in the exact same way. Maybe you’re just more comfortable in your own body now in general than when you were younger and that has resulted in the dysphoria fading. And sometimes dysphoria fluctuates or sometimes it can go dormant for a while until something specific triggers it again, or sometimes you may just end up focusing on other things, perhaps other stressful things in your life for example, and the dysphoria kind of recedes into the background. Dysphoria that fluctuates or fades away for some reason doesn’t automatically mean you’re not actually trans after all.

Or perhaps you do have a fluid gender and you’re just in a more female phase of that right now. I’m not genderfluid myself so I can’t really say how people do experience that but it’s a definite possibility.

Whatever you are though, please don’t worry about this ‘faking’ anything idea - these claims being spread around about all these ‘transtrenders’ and there being all these thousands and thousands of people ‘faking’ being trans is nonsense. People are allowed to explore their identities, they are allowed to experiment and try on different labels and they are allowed to get things wrong sometimes as they explore things. If you have been mistaken about being trans then so be it, the world isn’t going to end just because you used a label for a while that turned out to be incorrect. Making mistakes is just a part of life and a lot of the time that is how we develop and grow and also how we find out our true identity.

Also if you are cis, cis people can still have issues about body shape or particular aspects of their body, like hating having large boobs for example. I would imagine some of those issues feel very similar to certain kinds of gender dysphoria experienced by trans people so it’s not surprising to me that sometimes people may think they’re trans for a while when actually they’re not. I can completely understand why some people might be confused because of that and that is just an honest mistake, no one is faking anything.

And when it comes to pronouns you can use whatever you want whatever your gender is, even plenty of cis people use the pronouns associated with the ‘opposite’ binary gender or prefer more neutral pronouns. Whatever makes you comfortable, they’re your pronouns and you’re the one who gets to choose which you want to use.

- Tiger

#Anonymous

[its-damugomi]

Hello there. I've been hesitant to post something like this because i actually got death threats for posts like this.

This is gonna be kinda rantish and i give a dysphoria trigger warning.

Lets start this off with something. I believe you need dysphoria to be trans.

Im most likely gonna put anti transmed tags for reach, but my point stands that YOU NEED DYSPHORIA TO BE TRANS.

I am making this post to debunk things that Tcutes say a lot. From my perspective, at least.

"Transmeds are Enbyphobic!"

Not true. If you are enby and have dysphoria, you are valid. Whether that be agender, bigender, all that like, if you have dysphoria, you are trans. Even if thats just social, chest, bottom, hair, or any other type of dysphoria that will cause daily distress to you.

"It doesn't harm anyone! Let me be what i want!"

Don't get me wrong, if you wanna do something and it doesn't harm anyone, go ahead. I won't stop you. The problem is, spreading the notion that you dont need dysphoria to be trans harms trans people who absolutely need things like HRT, top, and bottom surgery. This is because if insurance companies dont see being trans as something that causes daily distress (gender dysphoria) if they dont get the proper things trans people need, they will refuse to pay off stuff like hrt and ops. This is especially bad for things like medi-cal for people who just cant afford paying for these things.

"Being trans is awesome!"

Im sorry? How is being trans awesome?! I experience DAILY DISTRESS AND DISCOMFORT because of SOMETHING I CANT CONTROL. I am constantly looking in the mirror and wondering why i cant be fucking normal. Why i cant not have dysphoria. Being trans hasn't helped me in any way. It has made my life WORSE, actually. And you have the FUCKING NERVE to say "WOWOWOWOW I LOVE BEING PLANTGENDER! MAN BEING TRANS IS SO G R E A T!"

Honestly, if you say this, fuck you. Get your facts straight.

"They think you cant be gnc and trans!"

No. We think you can be gnc. Gender identity and gender expression is completely different. We just find it sus when you put crossdressing over passing.

Im way to tired to finish this rn, so message me if you have any questions.

#trans #transgeder #ftm #mtf #transmed #transgender #trans rights #trans ftm #trans mtf #non binary #enby #dysphoria #anti transmed #anti mogai #mogai #pro mogai #rant

[turing-tested]

Hey Hal uhm sorry if this is personal but like your someone I feel ok asking this (btw don't answer if you don't want too) but did you feel like dissatisfied with your agab? I'm having some issues figuring my identity out and yeah. I love your blog and hope you have a nice day! ^-^

i think everyone feels unsatisfied with their gender, particularly people who are GNC and/or AFAB due to it being hard for a Bitch in general and like. having negative experiences due to like. what they think you are (usually your AGAB) means like. its pretty logical to go, “oh. this happened because im x. i hate that.” (insert negative experience like sexual assault, misogyny, realizing it generally sucks to exist as a ‘girl’ in a patriarchal society) 

that being said i actually don’t like. have any particularly strong feelings about my AGAB. i’ve got dysphoria and it sucks a lot but mostly when people call me she/her i experience just, irritation more often I do pain, because I look like i do, sound like I do, and people are still like. “This is a wamen.” 

i cannot stress enough personally how much of my stress about my agab kinda went away when i just started being chill about the whole thing. like it genuinely doesn’t really matter what I got going on. i’ve always coped with assigning apathy to things about myself I don’t like that I can’t change, if only because like. ive lived through and have been living in a horrible awful home life situation for a while now, and I kind of picked up the coping mechanism to be able to survive.

 if that was wordy: any kind of ‘dissatisfaction’ i have about my AGAB gets drowned out by my coping mechanism of “if i thought about how much i dont like this and how it is always happening i would probably kill myself”

that being said? i don’t like my breasts, if only because they’re like, anime sized, and my choices are a binder and a bra, or just titties out, but I don’t think that’s bc of my AGAB, i think that’s just because in general, well. not to be TMI but its like. I feel like bc my EXTREMELY large chest isn’t like. cartoonishly perky and strapped to my chest,  that I’m somehow not stacking up to like. what people consider appropriate. (esp considering people draw grandmas with cartoonishly sagging breasts.)  my autism always makes me feel like I’m trying to appear and act like a human being, reading a set of rules never given to me, and “having your chest where people find attractive’ despite it not being realistic is like. one of the rules that was pounded into me by society

but that’s not bc of my AGAB, i don’t think. i view myself more genderless than anything, my body at least. it’s not a mans or a womans body, it’s mine. it does how it does how it does, and while I’m taking steps to be more comfortable in it, that doesn’t mean I hate it. its just mine, and it exists. 

sorry i couldn’t help you more ):

#inb4 im talking about afab experiences bc thats what i have #Anonymous

[sleepinggreenidea]

Dressing and looking masculine when you’re short and fat

I am short and fat, both of which are obstacles to dressing masculine and passing as a guy. I noticed that a lot of passing and dressing tips are geared towards skinny and tall people, who often have a much easier time in the first place. As helpful as those tips are for some, it can be really frustrating for short and fat people when we try to follow those tips and still don’t look the way we want to. So here are some tips for dressing masculine, finding clothes that fit you, and passing as a guy. Note that these are just from my personal experience as a 5’1 fat transmasculine person who is pre-T and pre-surgery, and not everything will work for everybody.

Finding shirts that fit.

Finding men’s shirts that fit when you’re both fat and short is a struggle. Oftentimes I see tips to just shop in the boy’s section if you’re short, but those shirts aren’t usually made for people with larger chests. Binding can help some (more on that later), but it usually doesn’t solve the problem. So back to the men’s section it is.

There are two main types of men’s button-down shirts: standard fit and slim fit. Standard fit shirts usually have more room around the waist and chest (good!) but also tend to be longer and the shoulders are broader. Slim fit shirts are what they sound like: slimmer overall. Some stores also have categories like tailored fit and relaxed fit, and what these mean can vary from store to store. As a general rule I avoid slim fit, as those shirts almost never fit me. So then the trick is to find brands that have standard fit shirts that aren’t too long. An online sizing guide often won’t tell you this information, so I either shop in person or expect to return stuff. And once I do find a brand that fits me and isn’t too expensive, I return to that store when there are sales and buy multiple shirts.

If you’re looking to wear your shirts untucked, make sure to buy casual shirts and not dress shirts. It sounds obvious, but when I was new to the world of men’s clothing, I didn’t know the difference. Dress shirts are always longer because they’re meant to be tucked in and they’re usually measured differently. I’ll discuss formal clothing later.

Another note is that long sleeve shirts are the devil if you have tiny t-rex arms like me. Shirts that are well proportioned elsewhere almost never fit my arms. I usually solve this problem by either folding up my sleeves or by layering. Wearing short sleeve shirts with a sweater, jacket or blazer of some sort is a great way to stay warm and still wear clothes that fit. It’s often a little more acceptable to have sweaters with sleeves that are too long than shirts. Layering also has the added advantage of hiding your chest a little more.

Finding pants that fit

This is a lot simpler than finding shirts that fit because it’s pretty easy and relatively inexpensive to get pants hemmed. In fact, some stores will even hem your pants for you. The trick with men’s pants is to know two measurements: your waist size and your inseam. If you’re my height, worrying about the inseam (length of the pants) is usually pointless. I just go for the shortest inseam they have and still plan on having it hemmed. I kind of discovered my waist size by trial and error, as this can be hard to measure. When selecting a size, note that men’s pants are sized as Waist x Inseam, for example 34x32. Once you have your pants, get them hemmed if you can. Most dry cleaners also have a tailor, and this is usually your least expensive option unless you hem them yourself. Having pants that aren’t too long will make a big difference in how tall you look.

Shoes

As a general rule, men’s shoe sizes in the US are two sizes bigger than their women’s equivalent. For example, a women’s size 8 is the same as a men’s size 6. However, most men’s shoe brands don’t sell shoes smaller than a size 7 (women’s 9), so I shop in the boy’s section.

Formal clothing

Men’s dress shirts are measured by two sizes, Neck x Sleeve. You can have both of these sizes measured at most stores that sell dress shirts. For example, my proportions are 15x29. The problem is that most companies don’t make dress shirts with a sleeve length short enough, so I usually just fold up my sleeves. Again, it’s important to pay attention to things like standard fit and slim fit because most dress shirts fit into one of those categories or something similar. Don’t worry too much about the length of dress shirts because you’re going to tuck them in.

Blazers and suit jackets are usually measured by the chest measurement and then either short, regular, or long. If you have a binder or a bra, you may know your chest measurement already. The same chest measurement will help you find a blazer that fits. As for the length measurement, most stores recommend that if you’re under 5’6 or so, you go for the short length, which is what I do. Your blazer may still feel too long, but remember that standard fit clothing is meant to be a bit longer and more traditional. Men’s blazers should go to about mid-crotch area.

There are a several different types of dress shoes, and I do not feel qualified to talk about the difference between oxford and derby shoes. Because I usually get dress shoes from the boy’s section, I don’t have much of a selection and pick what fits and looks good.

One final note on clothing

There are several brands made for short men and for GNC people. Some of the former include Peter Manning and Under 5’10, and some of the latter include Tomboy Toes and Gender Free World. While it is super cool that these brands exist, they are almost always super expensive. I pretty much never buy things from those brands (except for a couple of gifts I’ve gotten), but if you have the money, you will probably be able to find some nice, well fitting pieces of clothing. I can’t really advise on that.

Binding

This is the last section and also possibly the most frustrating for bigger trans/nb folk. Binding is often posed as an absolute way to make your chest disappear pre-surgery, but I find that it doesn’t help much for me because of the size of my chest and the large difference between my underbust and chest size. However, it does help with my dysphoria somewhat, and I’m willing to do anything that helps.

As for the brand of binder, I’ve seen people that swear by gc2b and some that swear by underworks. Personally, I just got an underworks binder and I like it better than my gc2b because it binds my hips as well as my chest and I have a lot of dysphoria around my hips. I also found that gc2b just didn’t bind as well but was more comfortable. Or maybe my gc2b binder is too big. I also found with gc2b that because the neckline is so low that my chest occupiers tended to want to spill out the top. However, some larger chested people swear by gc2b, so I think it’s a matter of finding what works for your and your chest size. Just don’t expect to get completely flat with a binder. However, most cis men aren’t completely flat.

In conclusion, finding clothing and a style that works for you as a short and fat person is an ongoing struggle. The above tips have helped me, but everyone’s body is different, and it’s important to figure out what helps you.

#trans #transmasculine #transmasc #ftm #transgender #nonbinary #menswear #genderqueer

[prodigaisons]

while I think it’s like, obvious that dysphoria is not the defining characteristic of being trans, I do think that a lot of nonbinary people genuinely just...... don’t realize they’re dysphoric?

like...... I assumed I didn’t have dysphoria or at least it wasn’t serious for years bc my dysphoria isn’t as clear as “I hate my chest” or “my genitals feel wrong”. obviously those can be hard to pinpoint too at times but like. that’s a much easier thing to pin down than “I feel vaguely yet distinctly uncomfortable with how my body is gendered beyond my control and yet I can’t articulate what I actually want”

how do you communicate that being seen as feminine makes you feel sick to your stomach, but you also aren’t masculine. how do you communicate that when people see makeup and make the assumption that you’re feminine, that even if ur nb you must see yourself as somewhat feminine

and further, how do you communicate to thin people, binary, cis, trans, nonbinary, that you’d rather continue to repress your dysphoria than go back to only wearing utilitarian clothes. how do you communicate that dysphoria is so complicated when your fat and nonbinary and gnc and it’s a constant struggle between “do I want to express myself and be dysphoric or do I want to avoid dysphoria and be triggered by wearing utilitarian clothing”

makeup is something I love. it’s relaxing for me. it gives me control. it’s something that’s ACCESSIBLE for me as a fat person. I might not be able to get velvet pants, but I can get the newest color of lipstick. thin people can’t shove me out of something that has no size.

but every time I put it on it’s a distinct reminder that even tho I don’t feel or want to be read as feminine, cis ppl and binary people will forever assume that’s what it is

and yes I’m including binary trans ppl in that assumption bc I’ve only had one binary trans person respond w understanding, and he’s also fat so maybe it’s more a fat person thing. that hatred of being forced into boring clothing that serve as a reminder that thin people never want you to express yourself, that you’re not supposed to enjoy fashion at all, ever

and it’s so HARD to explain even to other gnc femme lesbians that being fat is probably the only reason I’m femme at all. and it’s so othering, because when I say makeup is the only thing I want to keep ppl say I’m butch at heart and it’s so othering. it’s so othering that I can’t both reject the idea that I’m feminine and enjoy makeup and fashion. and it’s always from thin people, people who are smaller than a us 14, bc they’ve never considered that fat ppl aren’t ever allowed to dress up. they’ve never considered that the whole “women have to wear makeup and dresses” isn’t a universal thing, and that fat people are punished for any choice we makeup with clothing. the idea that baggy clothes aren’t liberating for us bc it’s something we’ve always been forced into, that modesty can feel so restricting when it’s been the only choice for so long bc your body is seen as inherently repulsive

and how do you even know what’s dysphoria and what’s just the result of fatphobia? how do you know if you have chest dysphoria or not when you spend all your time trying to just make clothes look ok on your body and trying to find one thing you like about your body, bc you’ve been told it’s hideous and unlovable

what’s the difference between dysphoria and wanting plastic surgery bc of fatphobia. where’s the line. how do you tell when your dysphoria already is unclear and operates more like a vague sense of foreboding????? how?????? where’s the line????

#joker.txt #agender bitch ramblings

[beelzebubskeeper]

On Transgender Discourse

To begin, can we please stop regurgitating the strawman transphobic things that Kalvin Garrah and others like him say. Please. He's grossly uneducated on real world trans issues and publicly shames and misgenders other trans people when they don't act/present like him. I advise y'all, especially young and impressionable trans and queer people, to get some other sources. Do some reading, look into gender studies, listen to Gender Non Conforming (GNC)  and Nonbinary (NB) trans people and their experiences. I suggest reading or listening to work and poetry by Alok Vaid-Menon, a femme GNC performance artist who talks about their experiences as a trans femme person. I know how easy it is to listen to a charismatic and relatable trans person and have him validate some of your internalized or subconscious transphobia. Some of y'all won't listen to gnc and nb trans folks, so maybe hearing it from a binary trans person (who has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria by 2 psychologists) will somehow make it stick? I feel like I need to make this more comprehensive post about this because I haven’t really seen one and at this point the burden of educating is less than that of seeing blatant transphobia so often.

If you want to talk about resources I can tell you that the "trenders" are not why trans medicine is so difficult to access. Trans people are disproportionately discriminated against in the medical field. I go to the leaders in trans and lgbt health and it still takes me months to get in. But guess what, it's not because some secretly cis people are "stealing the resources" it's because the lgbt community is so heavily discriminated against within medicine that its the entire communities outlet and they are a set of less than 10 clinics serving the entirety of Chicago's lgbt community. I suggest looking at their site as well, as they talk about these disparities far better than I can, as well as having some more comprehensive information about trans health and identification. If “trends” are really hindering your access to medicine that much, wouldn’t it make more sense to make trans medicine more readily accessible? People who most of you would consider “actually trans” actively do have to lie to get hormones and surgeries because of the discrimination we as a community face. 

If we're talking bare bones definitions, The World Health Organization defines transgender people as experiencing gender incongruence which is "characterized by a marked and persistent incongruence between an individual’s experienced gender and the assigned sex," according to the International Classification of Diseases (ICD). I have personal opinions on dysphoria but hey I'm not about to tell people how they're allowed to identify, especially not by trying to clock them. Dysphoria is experienced as physically, mentally, and socially. Every single trans person experiences this to some different levels. For example you may be extremely socially dysphoric while not feeling any kind of physical dysphoria. You may have dysphoria surrounding your genitals and not your chest or vice versa. Some people can't or don't want to medically transition. Along with this, the notion that GNC and NB people don’t exist because of some unsourced claims to biology and the binary should be met with heavy scrutiny. The idea that human sex is binary is outdated when we look at intersex people who make up an estimated 1.7% of the population, though the estimation may be low. Most people who have disparities between chromosomes and their sexual presentation don’t ever know seeing as we don’t try to identify one’s chromosomes unless their is some other issue that could be linked to the chromosomes.  

The myth about detransitioning is another straw man. Only about 1 percent of people detransition, and for those who do it’s for much more complicated reasons than they aren’t really trans. A lot of times these people have complications with insurance, hormones, and/or surgery. Sometimes people detransition because hormones weren’t the right move, or didn’t make them “pass” the way they want to. There is no cut and dry answer here.

This is a long one, I know but I also want to bring in caricatures because I think they’re really important. I would really rather not have to attach photos because it can be incredibly triggering for people and I want this to be as accessible a post as possible. All of the anti-tucute or anti-tender art and rhetoric I've seen directly mimics and refers back to classic TERF caricatures, except always inverted and targeting afab/dfab people. They’re given large breasts and dyed hair and “get mad if you misgender them” (as if being upset about being misgendered is a bad thing?) We need to unpack this, so lets begin. With these caricatures an outsider or cis person will read that all trans masculine people look or act like their caricature, or that it’s okay to discriminate against trans people who look a certain way. It’s also saying that you can “clock” or ID both “real” and “fake” trans people. It’s saying it’s not okay to be a trans man or trans masc person and have breasts or dyed hair or wear pride flags. Caricatures and rhetoric like this serves only to push away questioning trans people and actively dehumanize and degrade our trans family.

It’s not our job to vet and question other trans people, it’s not our job to try and find the secret cishets who’ve “snuck in” and kick them out. Our job is to support each other, to continue to try and educate ourselves, to try to understand the experiences of other LGBT people that are unlike our own, to give space to those questioning their identity. Giving people room to explore rather than shutting down young LGBT (or questioning) people isn’t going to help you face less discrimination. On the contrary you are merely adding to the transphobic rhetoric that already exists and validating -for example- TERF rhetoric and imagery. I’ve seen a spike in lgbt and specifically trans “flop” accounts dedicated to dehumanizing and humiliating trans people, which weaponizes transphobes.  The running trend of “this is why cishet people don’t like us” is repulsive. Transphobia has and will continue to persist regardless of GNC and NB folks, and blaming them is, in my opinion, ridiculous. Stepping on other trans people in order to get cis acceptance is dangerous, and to be honest not particularly effective. Playing at “pick me” politics don’t really help anyone, but only serve to divide us, to encourage greater discrimination. Read here about internalized misogyny, as it articulates the same argument but within a different group of people. We operate within the margins as a community, i.e the term marginalized. 

I would love to have other trans people way in, especially GNC and NB trans folks as I would like to avoid talking over y’all. I’m only one man, and I can only do so much. If I’ve made a mistake I’ll gladly listen to critique or correction! It’s necessary that we grow and learn from each other. I spent a long while composing this, as well as looking for sources, which are linked to various points in my post, that reflect my points. I’ll gladly add all of the sources separately at request if it will facilitate easier access. While anecdotal information is important, especially within understudied and marginalized groups, having empirical evidence is so important.

(Posted Tuesday March 26, 2019)

#emmet yells #transphobia #trans #transition #transgender #truscum #transmed #tucute #inclusion #discourse #long post #text post #trans issues #lgbt #lgbt+ #queer #queer discourse #lgbt education #kalvin garrah #research #sources #sources linked #exclusionist #gnc #nb #nonbinary #gender non conforming #trans community #internalized transphobia

[valehirvas]

25 27 & 28 for the transmed ask

25. If you could change something/some things about the community, what would they be?

take it back to the basics

what it used to be. when i transitioned, we only had dysphoric people in the community. people understood and dealt with the reality of our circumstances and our existence and none of this reality denying bs was a thing back then. biology wasn’t offensive and all trans people actually wanted was just to live in peace. no one wanted to make a number out of it or bring it up anywhere and finding spokespeople for our community was HARD because people would rather go stealth than speak up and out themselves and start making demands. we were quiet. it’s not like we weren’t making progress, we had our rights movement and our organizations, but it was never aggressive and it was NEVER taking anything away from the other LGB. basically everyone was transmed and nobody had ever heard of stargenders. i miss that. i miss reason and logic and compassion as the building blocks of the community. i’m tired of this egocentric flat earther bullshit that the modern community pushes.

27. What’s an unpopular opinion you hold (in relation to the transmed ideology)?

my view on nonbinary identities i guess. i’m not that controversial, but i do believe that dysphoria can manifest atypically, because dysphoria fluctuates and appears differently person to person. i.e. after taking t and doing some serious work w my mental disconnect from my body i basically don’t have any dysphoria surrounding my genitalia anymore, even though it used to be pretty bad to the point where it manifested physically. that makes my dysphoria atypical, because i’m selectively dysphoric about my sex characteristics. if someone has dysphoria like this, and the dysphoria only focuses on certain aspects of your body and not the others, it kind of does leave you “in the middle” where you might want a flat chest but no penis because you’re ok with what you’ve got

so it makes sense to me, and if these people feel comfortable with a non-aligned identity label for themselves it’s nothing off my back.

oh yeah and the whole rad-leaning thing isn’t that popular. a lot of trans guys just want to forget about the problems we face as females but i’m incompatible with men on a fundamental level so female problems and female existence is still central to my life. which leads me to

28. Were you ever a feminist/radfem?

so, i have this backwards

i had a massive internalized misogyny problem when i transitioned. i hated women and everything related to being a woman and if a woman loved herself or was even remotely comfortable with herself and her womanhood she was a bitter enemy to me

‘luckily’ for me it was just my dysphoria, i couldn’t bear it and saw no way out of it so i projected it on everyone else to be able to live with myself & in my body. that was never addressed during the process i went through to transition medically and if it hadn’t been projected dysphoria i could very well have transitioned for the wrong reasons, if i’d had dysphoria because of misogyny instead of being misogynistic because of my dysphoria. you know?

either way, over the years hrt cut off my dysphoria so that i could stop feeling personally attacked over every mention of women’s existence, and i could learn to love other women again and eventually from there to be at ease with my female body as well, ultimately getting to this point where i appreciate my body and my sex a lot and i feel like i have a pretty healthy relationship with it. and this all made me way more into a feminist over the years. i’ve grown as a person and matured politically and at the same time my dysphoria has lessened and i’ve grown comfortable with myself and my reality so i could really start focusing on these issues that are mine and everyone else’s who’s like me universally without it digging at my dysphoria at every corner. i can talk about these things now and really think about them and i’m a really angry fucking female underneath everything else. i’ve had an easy time as a female human being without the pressure of needing to adhere to gender roles and always having the support of my family and friends and never facing any meaningful discrimination despite being gnc and same-sex attracted and yet i’ve still suffered enough that the consequences of my socialization and the trauma that i’ve gone through because of my sex has formed me from the ground up as a person and i’ll deal with the problems rising from that forever. i’ll never outgrow or escape the fear that being female comes with. and that makes me really angry. being denied the right to voice my real experiences and talk about my real suffering or that of others around me has made me really fucking angry. so NOW i’m a rad-leaning feminist, and not when female was a simple way to describe everything about me. because i have space for these thoughts and this process and this healing from my dysphoria, which i didn’t have before.

questions

#asks #Anonymous

[jameseros-blog]

My personal struggle with GD

**Trigger Warning -- talk of genitals, sex, transphobia, and misogyny** This is a vent post about my feelings surrounding my gender dysphoria, how I figured out I almost definitely have it, and why my family would probably think I'm faking because of tucutes making trans people look like clowns. It is unorganized, entirely too long, might not make sense, and I'm positive I'm forgetting big details. I just need to get this off my chest though.

All throughout my life I've hated my body, and even though I could try to blame it on other problems, I had some pretty clear signs of gender dysphoria even before my life got fucked up. It all seemed normal to me though. I could rationalize it. I'm too masculine to fit in with girls; autistic females have a tendency to function on the same social level as neurotypical men. That makes sense. I hate my body; I definitely don't look like the girls I would like to date. That makes sense. I feel like cutting off my female chest and sometimes guiltily wish for a horrible disease that requires its removal; I'm a CSA survivor and was bullied in elementary school for my early development. That makes sense.

In middle school something started to happen that I couldn't explain though. I developed a "phantom penis". It actually felt like I had a fully functioning dick. I asked a guy friend what a boner felt like and he described what I felt perfectly. I never told anyone what I felt though. I just made a joke out of it. Whenever I felt a "hard on" I'd whisper to my friends "Suck my dick" or "My dick is hurting". We constantly made dick jokes so nothing seemed off about it. I liked the feeling of it. It upset me that it wasn't real. The feeling came around less often in high school and I wrote it off as nothing.

The inkling of negative sexual habits was already in place in 4th grade, but I fell into truly self destructive sexual habits in high school. I felt unsatisfied with life and everything regarding my existence. Every day was a chore I could barely manage. I wanted something to fill up how empty my life felt. I started using my tits to get free food in 4th grade. I would tell a couple of guys that I'd show them my tits on the last day of school if they would give me what ever food I wanted from them for the rest of the year. This took place up until 7th grade where they stopped believing me because I never held up my end of the promise. It didn't matter too much though because at this point they were already used to giving me food.

As 8th grade ended I noticed how unnaturally masculine I felt, even more so than before, like it didn't really fit my body. It was getting harder to blame it on my autism. That scared me so I went seeking some sort of validation that I was a woman. I found my first boyfriend. I've never really been one for romance, so our relationship quickly turned into something sexual. The entire thing made me uncomfortable. I hated the whole ordeal. I didn't really find him all that attractive, but I pretended to fairly convincingly. Neither of us wanted to be purely sexual, but it was the only thing I knew how to do so I kept being this sexual creature I hardly liked and barely knew. He broke up with me because we never really talked anymore and when we were together I always ended up sucking his dick. It was fine. I never stayed true to our relationship. I was sending nudes to people on the internet. They made me feel like I was a pretty girl, the kind I fantasized about. I could escape my real self and be someone else on the internet. It always felt like I was catfishing them. I never felt as feminine as I portrayed myself online.

My 10th grade year of high school I dated one of my ex boyfriend's best friends. The same thing happened as my last relationship. I'd try to change how unnaturally male I felt by being in the most misogynisticly feminine role I could think of. The first time I had "real" sex it felt good, but something was off about it. And I don't mean in the "the first time always sucks" kind of way. I'm a firm believer in if you are fully comfortable with a person and you both know each other's boundaries and there isn't any judgment between you, then there won't be anything uncomfortable about sex. We had all these things, but I still felt uncomfortable. Then he went down on me. I had another "phantom dick" moment; I could imagine him sucking me off as if I had a penis. That's when the discomfort ended. I couldn't explain that so I told no one and wrote it off as nothing.

I've always heard mentions of trans people in passing throughout my life. In 3rd grade I heard my friend call another boy a "he-she". When I asked him what that was he said it's a guy who dresses and acts like a girl. In middle school I learned there were surgeries to give males female genitals. In 9th grade my science teacher corrected a girl when she said "they have to cut off their balls and turn their dick inside out" in reference to mtf bottom surgery. I saw an article that same year about a man that gave birth and learned that ftm trans people exist. In that same 9th grade science class a girl mentioned the size of my chest when expressing her desire for bigger breasts. I spilled my guts about how much I hated having them. I realized that it wasn't a natural thing when other big chested girls told me it wasn't nearly as bad as I explained. It confused me that they didn't feel the same. At this point I still didn't know what GD was or what it actually meant to be trans.

I started to watch Blaire White. That set me on the path of finding more and more trans YouTubers. I connected to them in ways I didn't really understand. I felt less like an alien while watching their videos. I never connected this to my being trans though. They all had the same story of knowing when they were young. I never questioned my identity when I was young. I always just existed. When I look back at it I think I honestly should have questioned myself. If I weren't autistic I probably would have.

When I was young, about 4 or 5, it was the easiest thing in the world for me to just drop everything about being a girl so I could become James. This was done after hearing my dad say he wished he had a son. I insisted I was James for almost a year. Now that I'm older my nana has told me my dad was worried I might actually be trans and he didn't want me getting bullied when I go to school. He died when I was 5 or 6; this explains something that I'll touch on later.

Even after the James phase ended I prided myself on my masculine tendencies. I was proud to be "basically the son" of the family and "basically the brother" of my sisters. With my step dad we would make jokes about having a "guys night out". I would even try to dress as boyish as possible to get mistaken as a boy. One time I cried when a boy told me "I know you're a girl". When I found out girls could have beards I was extremely jealous and was confused by the fact I couldn't grow one. I've always hated long hair I always wanted it cut short in a boy's haircut. In middle school my friends told me I write like a guy as an insult, but I thought it was a genuine compliment. I've always had an obsession with extreme body modification. The idea that I could escape my body and look however I want was always appealing to me.

When I was young I held the belief that my thoughts and personality were exactly the same as a boy's. That was the reason I preferred to hang with guys. That was why I would feel happy when I was described as one of the guys. It was why I didn't connect with girls the same way as guys. When I was diagnosed with autism, I thought it explained why I felt like an alien among other girls, and why I fit perfectly with guys, and why my thoughts were so male to me. When I learned what GD was, it fit me too, but I thought I couldn't have it cause I didn't recognize it when I was young. Then I started watching the podcast 'You're So Brave' hearing the way they found out they were trans hit closer to home than any other time I heard stories of people discovering they're trans. I was still very iffy on if I had GD or not though. Kovu uploaded a video recently it basically sealed my belief that I have GD. I decided to list off all the ways I wish I could look. The look I created is absurdly masculine; tall, hairy, tatted, and rough. I couldn't be exactly that though. I'm far too short. Besides I'm not as one dimensional as that. I love the elegance of romantic goths and muted pastels are my favorite aesthetic. I love crop tops and even dresses. I'm very effeminate for a man. A lot of people hate on gnc trans guys, but honestly I relate to them hard. I'm still not 100 percent sure of my gender though. The only thing I know for sure is that I need my female chest gone.

Before I even started to question myself, I've heard my step dad's opinion on trans people. "There is no such thing as a third gender! I don't understand why these trans people keep trying to push this idea!" he says in reference to a completely binary trans woman who only wants to be seen as a woman and not a third gender. I defend them by saying the vast majority of trans people are completely binary, don't believe in three genders, and want to be fully recognized as the gender they transition to. He continues to think tucutes are the only kind of trans people there are and generalizes all trans people saying they all have the "76 genders" ideology. He thinks all trans women are instantly recognizable by their adam's apple despite the fact there is a reduction surgery and lots of cis women have prominent adam's apples. I won't even try to bring up non binary people to him. He'd never understand. My mom has backed him up on this multiple times. I can't come out to them. It's too dangerous. My step dad is a violent man that gets into lots of fights. (He's never hit me or my family; don't worry.) He has threatened to kick me out before and I know he and my mom have seriously considered it within the last year. I don't know if me coming out could result in my homelessness.

You may be thinking "You're 18, just move out." To that I say: I absolutely would, if I could. I'm autistic. It's a disability that leaves me unable to drive and makes it difficult to maintain a job. Not to mention no one has prepared me for living alone. I have a friend I could go to, but I don't want to live somewhere and not be able to give back to them in some way.

All I really want is to know for sure whether I have gender dysphoria or not. The only problem with that is all of the gender therapist in my area (deep south Alabama) have practices that sound eerily similar to conversion therapy. Even if I do come out and move in with my friend, I won't be able to get therapy or a diagnosis.

#ftm #transmeds #truscum #dysphoric

[werevulvi]

What's the difference(s?) between being GNC vs trans NB in your opinion??? I used to think they were very diff until i read about "you don't need dysphoria to be trans" discourse and also stories from dysphoric GNC ppl so is it like a matter of ideology?

There is a lot that goes into this, so this will be a very long reply... but yes, ideology is deeply soaked into it, although it's not only because of that, I think. So like, okay, first off, you probably know I come from a radfem perspective, but then I also take into consideration things that radfem in general may disagree with if I find it to be logical or making sense enough. So my opinions are more so rooted in what I personally think is logical and makes sense, as well as facts, which just so happens to mostly align with radfem, rather than being truly rooted in radfem.

That said, however, this particular topic is not so much based on scientific facts (as there's just not much established science to go on here) but more so on anecdotal evidence and my own logical conclusions of that.

Not sure where to start, but there are several different "ways" to "validate" the existence of nonbinary, if you feel ever so inclined. One is by understanding that a nonbinary person who's dysphoric has the same legitimacy to identify outside of the sex they were born as, as "binary" trans people, and if their dysphoria is atypical enough, that it also makes sense for them to not wanna identify as the opposite sex either.

That is probably the simplest way to view nonbinary as different from being gnc, by simply applying the same logic to them as you would to differentiate butch/masc women from trans men, or feminine men from trans women: their sex dysphoria is the defining factor, not how they dress/act.

And how to then differentiate nonbinary from "binary" trans, is that the nonbinary dysphoria is often atypical in nature. That generally means the person may be dysphoric about only some of their sex characteristics, but not all (for example a dysphoric nb may have discomfort towards their chest and voice, but not their genitals or their curves/lack of curves) - but it can also mean that the dysphoria is towards all of their sex characteristics but the desire is to look "sex neutral" instead of as the opposite sex. It can also be a combination of those. A third distinction is that their dysphoria may be fluctuating a lot. Like maybe they feel really uncomfortable with their sex for a certain amount of time, then love their bio sex, then again dysphoric. Basically any sex dysphoria that makes the person not feel like they "should" appear as the opposite sex entirely could be called atypical.

This is also NOT to say that "binary" trans people who opt out of for example genital surgery are nonbinary. It has to do with the intent/desire, what one's body would be ideally and how one interprets that ideal - not necessarily what they actually change with hormones/surgery in practice. Like for example there IS a difference between being okay with one's vagina and not wanting any surgery on it because neo-penis doesn't live up to one's desires, but still wishing they had an actual penis - and actually genuinely LOVING one's vagina and feeling strongly protective of keeping it as is, with no desire to have an actual penis, while still being dysphoric about other sexed aspects of one's body. However, that's also not saying trans men have to be dysphoric about their vaginas to count as "binary" - it has more to do with the individual's own interpretation of what their dysphoria means to them, and what being a man/woman/nonbinary means to them.

But there is more to it than that, which is what you call into question: the "you don't need dysphoria to be trans." This is where it gets tricky, anecdotal and a little whimsical.

Many are sceptical of that notion, however most nonbinary people are not. Ideology does absolutely go into this. The sceptical ones tend to be (or lean) transmedicalist/truscum, or in rarer cases radfem, while those who don't think you need dysphoria to be trans tend to be (or lean) tucute/sjw/libfem. And I too am more than just fairly sceptical of this... However, I have found one argument which I'm considering... plausible, for considering non-dysphoric trans to be a possibility.

That argument is: gender incongruence without marked distress.

This is where shit gets complicated, so I'll try to explain it as well as I can, and then you can make your own opinion on if there's any legitimacy to it, or look into it further if you wish. I'm not here to attempt to change your opinion in any way. I'm only sharing what made me reconsider the notion that dysphoria is necessary to be trans. What you do with that info, is entirely up to you, and I honestly don't even care about holding it against you, or anyone else, for that matter. I just wanted to clarify that, in case this comes off as me trying to shove a weird ass argument down your throat, as that is absolutely not my intention by any means. You're absolutely free to call bullshit on this.

Alright, before I dig into it, I first have to raise the question "what is gender/sex dysphoria?" and answer it: My understanding of what this type of dysphoria is, is that it's not only wishing your body looked different and to be read as the opposite sex (or both/neither sex) but it's categorised as marked distress/strong discomfort towards your body's sex. This is important, so try to remember that.

I used to think that's all there is to feeling like you're not capable/willing to live with your body/gender* as it is naturally. However, I then started talking to a few transsexual MtF's and FtM's who happily medically transitioned... without dysphoria, and their stories puzzled me, but they also intrigued me. Thus, I listened with an open mind.

(*I should probably explain my view on what gender is, but very briefly: I consider it a personal interpretation of one's experiences with anything gendered and/or sexed. So it's a subjective perception and personal conclusion, more so than a feeling, similar to how "feeling cold" regardless of actual temperature is perception and a conclusion of how your mind and body responds to the temperature, and not an actual feeling like happiness or anger, nor is it objective fact. "Gender" can also simply be "I wish I was male but in fact I'm female. Thus I intepret my gender as man" without even including gender norms at all, but literally only focusing on sex. I personally conclude my own gender by my bio sex and my sex characteristics (including transitioned/desired ones) only, but I also accept the former definition for others just fine.)

Then I started also analysing my own dysphoria and noticed that it's not really a one big solid thing happening, but different aspects that together make me come to the conclusion that "I'm not comfortable looking/being clearly female, I feel a deep internal desire to look/be partially male, thus transitioning is alluring to me."

Split apart it's more like this: 1.) The first aspect is a strong discomfort with certain aspects of being physically female (I mean in the past before I transitioned, to clarify.) 2.) The second aspect is a strong desire for those aspects of my body to instead be male (again, only applicable in the past tense, as those aspects of my body now are appearing male.) 3.) The third aspect is what is the social result of what my sexed body appears like, meaning people read me as a man or woman based on what sex my body looks like, which is a direct reminder of what I look like (negative pre-transition, positive post-transition.)

The third aspect is generally what's considered "social dysphoria" and generally is considered a result of physical/sex dysphoria, than a stand alone thing. Some disagree with this, however. Many trans people split their experience of dysphoria into "social" and "sex/physical" as it's very common to experience both. However, both the first and second (as listed above, to clarify) aspects are together what most people only recognise as simply "sex/physical dysphoria" without really paying attention to that there are TWO aspects of it. One which pushes you away from your actual sex, and the other which pulls you towards the opposite sex (or both/neither.)

And here's where shit gets interesting... What if a person only has one of those two aspects of physical/sex dysphoria?

Meaning, they either feel discomfort about their physical sex, but lack the desire to instead appear more like the opposite, or both/neither sex (just discomfort, no desire) - or they have the desire to appear like the opposite, both or neither sex, but lack the discomfort towards their actual physical sex (just desire, no discomfort.)

The former point, feeling discomfort without desire, arguably is not "really" gender dysphoria, but something more along the lines of body dysmorphia/poor body image. That, however, is only my personal, unprofessional opinion. As most shit I say is, lol.

That latter point, however: Having the desire to appear like the opposite, both or neither sex, but lacking the discomfort towards one's actual physical sex - is basically what is considered experiencing gender incongruence, but without actual dysphoria.

So then what is gender incongruence? Typically it's part of gender dysphoria as a whole: it being sex dysphoria, gender incongruence, social dysphoria, and if/when alleviated: gender euphoria. If you have all those aspects then it's not really important to consider the incongruence aspect separately. However, what gender incongruence is, is basically just feeling like you should be of the other sex (or both/neither.) So, it's basically just the "desire" aspect of what's generally considered the concept of "gender dysphoria" as a whole. Except, without distress... dysphoria is not dysphoria.

Whether it's actually possible to have gender incongruence without dysphoria, I think is very difficult to say. However, what I struggle to de-legitimise is: if someone is transitioned (especially medically) and happy with the result, but what drove them to transition in the first place was a desire without distress. So what I actually consider to be "trans" is not necessarily "dysphoric person" but rather anyone who is happily transitioned, or know they would be happier transitioned, regardless of what drives/drove them to transition in the first place - as well as dysphoric people who don't wish to transition and/or detransitioned.

One thing I find compelling about this "incongruence without dysphoria" argument is that this is not actually a new thing.

I spoke to an older trans man (in his 50's) who transitioned back in the 90's and said outright that he never experienced dysphoria, yet he's (by his own words) satisfied with his transition. He's a fairly known and I guess "famous" trans activist in Sweden, and also hangs out in the same fb group as me, apparently. So I exchanged a few words with him on the topic of dysphoria. Although he didn't call his experience "gender incongruence" that's kinda what he seemed to imply. I've also talked to an older trans woman who also transitioned decades ago and also firmly stated and explained she never experienced dysphoria, yet is happily transitioned. Then I've also heard the same sentiment from a few younger trans people.

But in total, I've heard about it from less than 5 trans people, and all I have is that anecdotal info.

But then the thing is that they were all medically transitioned. They "prove" to me that they're trans by simply being satisfied with their transitions. So whether they had dysphoria or not is not actually important in hindsight. What matters is that they're satisfied with how they changed their bodies. Because when it comes to most "non-dysphoric" nonbinary people out there, they don't even wish to transition medically at all. And that is different. Are all of them legitimate cases just like the "non-dysphoric" yet happily transitioned trans men and women I've talked to? No, probably not. I mean, let's be honest.

Nonbinary is (no matter how much a legit thing for some, also) a hype/trend and very many do absolutely try to identify out of misogyny, sexist gender norms, sexual trauma, etc, by picking up the nonbinary label. Some of them experience body discomfort vaguely related to their sex traits, but it's not actually gender dysphoria, or whatever it is, transitioning would probably not be the best solution for them. I think it's important to keep in mind that the culture around nonbinary identities is to not ever question their identities and that any kind of "invalidating" is considered a horrible hate crime, to them.

That attitude is a recipe for validating people who are not actually trans, but suffer from gender in other ways. And I don't think we should forget or dismiss that. I don't think there's much harm in them simply carrying a nonbinary label and some odd set of pronouns - but letting every single nonbinary identified person jump on hormones and surgery would be a very terrible idea, and when it comes to that identity specifically, I'd be VERY, very careful, as they seem more likely to disregard the possibly negative outcomes of medical transition and then end up devastated, as many of them disregard dysphoria, and often logic and reason altogether... where as "binary" trans people, although not at all without doubt and detrans rates, tend to be at least a little bit more careful and educated.

That said, however... I have heard from ONE nonbinary person who very nicely explained their experience of basically gender incongruence without dysphoria, and they were also happily medically transitioning. They were also older and seemed mature and emotionally stable. So, I'm at least open to the possibility that some nonbinary people can be satisfied with transition without gender dysphoria, and thus, I'd personally count them as trans. It's a youtuber so I could probably link that video in which they explained it, if I can find it from my huge playlist of "favourites" to which I'm pretty sure I added it. I found that video through Blaire White making a rant video about how the nb person was only transitioning for attention. Valid concern, but erh, I think she made an incorrect assertion, in that particular case.

Anyhow, I do worry that this whole argument of "incongruence without dysphoria" very easily becomes a slippery slope of... basically people transitioning for shits and giggles, or because they have a bad self image and just really badly hope the grass will be greener on the other side, which is why I'm still very hesitant to give it credit, and at this point I'm still only considering it plausible.

One thing worth noting is that some transmeds actually think that having incongruence without dysphoria counts as a form of dysphoria, but that is in fact not the medically established definition of gender dysphoria. "Dysphoria" in and of itself literally means "abnormal depression and discontent" so taking the distress aspect out of gender dysphoria is going against its very definition. So that's quite some intellectual dishonesty, that some transmeds are willing to admit that some trans people don't have dysphoria, but without actually admitting it, because that would go against their ideology.

I also think that it's foolish to say that every trans person who is happily transitioned "must" have been dysphoric, because we can't actually know that. We have not actually heard every single trans person's reason for why they transitioned. We can only assume that it was probably because of dysphoria, because that is the (most, or only) logical reason for wanting to transition in the first place, and for being satisfied with one's transition in the long run. That is not enough to make the claim that ALL happily transitioned trans people MUST have experienced dysphoria, which means there is and always has been a possibility that you may not actually need dysphoria to be trans, even if it's the most common reason.

I think it's important to at least be open to listen to especially happily transitioned people's experiences when they don't align with our beliefs on what makes someone trans. They might be wrong about what their inner experiences with gender actually mean (as in they might have had dysphoria but were unaware that's what their experience was, or they might not actually be all that happy with having transitioned) - and we might be wrong about that gender dysphoria being the only thing that could make a person satisfied with transition.

So like... keep using those critical thinking skills, even after you think you know the truth ;)

Have I really answered your question, though? I'm not sure, but basically: trans nb generally means that your self-interpretation of your gendered experience as a whole (meaning how you RELATE to being male/female, feminine/masculine, considered a man/woman, etc, not if you are gnc per se) does not match your own interpretation of what it means to be either "fully" a man or "fully" a woman. Which is what gets watered down to the chanted phrase "nb means not identifying as either fully male or female."

So, how is that different from just being gnc? In some cases, it actually isn't. Some really do think that rejecting gender norms is what makes them nb, and in those cases, I won't personally consider them trans or truly nonbinary. But what matters (I think) is that there are also nb people who base it on sex dysphoria, and/or gender incongruence as thoroughly explained above, and I think there is at least some legitimacy to those reasons.

Then how gnc gets in the picture for those latter two reasons is pretty simple: For the same reason most trans men are masculine: to more easily blend in among men in society, as masculinity can in some cases help with passuing as male when you're female (and vice versa for femininity and passing as female for males.) That is sadly due to the reinforcement of masculinity as being "intended for men" and femininity as being "intended for women" which causes many people to subconsciously connect femininity with femaleness and masculinity with maleness, and many also confuse those things.

Ever heard a woman say that her having breasts is a "feminine" trait, for example? Yeah, no, it's not. That's her confusing femininity for what's actually a female trait. However, having large breasts can be considered "more feminine" than having small or no breasts, due to how society views gender, but that does not mean that large-breasted females are inherently "more feminine" than small-breasted ones, or those who don't have breasts, because that's really just a natural variation of femaleness.

That's an example of how femaleness easily gets blurred with femininity, and vice versa masculinity gets equally blurred with maleness, with for example beards and deep voices. Because the feminine and masculine archetypes do also include certain female and male body types. This is why I view my transitioned features from testosterone as male features rather than as masculine ones, because I can more easily differentiate what is SEXED from what's GENDERED, than probably most people, mostly due to my rather unusual upbringing. Thus, "binary" trans people can take advantage of that societal confusion and blur the lines between being perceived as masculine vs male (or feminine vs female for MtF) because the gender norms are so ingrained. Of course it doesn't always work in favour for trans people (hence non-passing trans men being seen as butches, and trans women seen as drag queens) but it CAN fool the eye to some extent.

Then, as for nonbinary people and androgynous gender expression: androgyny has often, historically been confused with... well, I may fail to put this delicately, but yeah basically having certain intersex conditions, which have been poorly understood throughout history as "hermaphrodites" and other harmful shit. Androgyny, meaning a combination of feminine and masculine, can thus be used to a nonbinary person's advantage (at least in theory) to attempt to confuse others to see them as either a combination of male and female (similar to false representations of certain intersex conditions, which I want for everyone to know that I absolutely abhor) or as sexless, basically.

(Just a sidenote for clarification of gnc: being "gnc" is in and of itself a form of androgyny, in either the combination of "feminine + masculine" or "feminine + male" or "masculine + female" but when it comes to binary vs nonbinary types of gender expression, I think it's important to differentiate the degree of gender non-conformity being expressed. I vaguely differentiate "androgynous" from "fem male" and "masc female" here and I hope you know what I mean. It's not to make more unnecessary boxes, but just for the sake of argument. Kinda like a gnc lesbian is not necessarily a butch, but a butch is definitely a gnc lesbian, if that makes sense.)

Does androgyny have that same "confusion effect" as masculinity and femininity, though? Not really, in practice. Fewer are fooled by it, largely because "androgynous agender/bigender" (neither gender/both genders) is not an established social gender category like "feminine woman" and "masculine man" are, but is more like a fantasy concept. Also most people will automatically want to figure out if someone is male or female, which makes it extra hard for nb people to actually be viewed as... not that. So "androgyny as expression for sexlessness/both sexes at once" mostly only works in theory, but that is (or can be) the intent behind a nonbinary person's androgynous style, as it can still offer some mental relief even if the outcome is sadly not aligned with the intent.

(Metaphor time: You know, like sometimes I wanna bake a nice looking cake, but it turns out looking like sad poop, but that's okay, because it still tastes good. Meaning, the outcome didn't match my intent, but the outcome was still good enough to enjoy.)

So basically: trans nb people may not be nb because they're gnc, but be gnc because they're nb. Just like many trans men tend to be masc because they're ftm, not ftm because they're masc. So the difference between gnc and nb is in the intent. I think that's the best way I can explain that distinction.

(Also last sidenote: anyone reading this transitioning because you're masc/fem/gnc... PLEASE reconsider that, I urge you!)