#I'm not a burger scientist

[fintastica]

i always threaten to make a low activity blog for lagoona's dad &. considering there's been debate on collector twitter today about who her og monster parent was supposed to be and i, his biggest fan who got the reference right away, need to put him out there tomorrow. that's right baby lula's headcanon creature from the black lagoon. a study on being an extinct species, the effects of colonization &. forced adaptionism, but mostly being a grilldad. you can shape of water him if you want, he's very divorced.

#as an indigenous persons i'm very sympathetic to gillman ok he should've killed more scientists. #creature 3 fucked me up BAD. #but he's here to grill you a burger &. talk about the big game. #mobile. #tbd.

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

I watched The Onion’s Sex House. this was only brought to my attention today by a stray reference in a Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared analysis video.

I’m not gonna lie, that frog spin-off sounds like it would unironically be a fun watch. There has to be an animal documentary series that speaks of the animals like a reality tv drama cast, somewhere. We have the puppy and kitten bowl sports shows  and livestreams of shrimp, it’s within reach. There are ethical ways to do these things.  There could be a zoo with cameras then somebody else voices and edits it to cover the lives of the interpersonal local meercats. We have penguin ship charts, this feels like it would be a next step in the natural progression of animal behavioral content, if done right. We facetimed eels during the pandemic, where is frog sex house???

#the onion sex house #horror stuff #I'm like bob's burger's lynda watching the raccoon colony in the alley #ah to be a scientist observing the interactions of mouse paradise

[medicinemane]

Seriously though, I think the only way to actually majorly cut back on raising animals for meat (not get rid of, I don't think you'll ever totally get rid of it) is researching a good quality, sustainable, cheap lab grown meat

I think a lot of people would be glad to not have animals have to die to feed them, I think a lot of people would be glad to have to pay less to get just as filled up (once again, assume quality is there), I think a lot of people depend on meat but wouldn't mind switching if there was a better alternative

Wouldn't go away entirely, and wouldn't go away all at once. There would still be people who'd be willing to pay more for farm raised meat

What hopefully would happen is that we'd stop breeding as many animals for slaughter, and that the factory farms would see it as cheaper to invest in lab grown than it was to have feed lots

Of course this is an idea, it's not a solid plan that thinks about every contingency, but I really am serious

You want to eliminate meat, you need to figure out a way to give people meat that doesn't involve killing animals

#and you can't just be saying 'alright we'll give them bugs' cause clearly people don't transition to that #and you can't be giving them some kind of proteins slurry that has identical ingredients to meat #you need something that texturally and taste wise is the same as say a hamburger or a steak or a chicken breast #which probably means finding a way to lab grow that muscle tissue in a way that makes it similar #which I'm not a scientist so I can't tell you how to do; but I'm telling you that's your goal if you want to stop animal slaughter #cause it's just a fact that people are gonna keep eating meat; you can make plans that include idealized people #it's sort of like how communism works great till you start actually having to make it happen #I mean I'm sure there's other solutions; but you have to find something you can make happen and people won't resist #and 'impossible burgers' ain't it cause I'd straight up rather have chickpeas or whatever; it's not an upgrade over just beans #at least black bean patties aren't trying to be anything they're not; which is why I'd honestly rather have one of those over a fake meat #that and fake meat is so expensive #anyway... that's my thoughts no one asked for on this #I just drive by feed lots every time I head to town and I end up thinking about this a lot because of it #out here all the cows are in fields and the close I get to places big enough to have mcdonalds the more feedlots I see #american agriculture is a mess; but it's real damn important and the only option is to fix it; not to try and just throw it out

[heartfullofleeches]

Characters who start out small but become bigger overtime make me weak. Slime darling with an evil scientist Yan who favors the little blob for its efficient method of getting rid of their failed experiments and rivals - only to wake up one day and find that little slime has taken on a human form and fully capable of human speech from all the brains and flesh they've eaten. Scientist is rather annoyed by this development, but slime readers constant questions about the world and their caretaker's well-being wears down their icy heart. Thankfully, Slime Reader is still as light as they were when they were tiny so they hitch a ride on Yan scientist's shoulders during experiments and important meetings - daring anyone to say a word about their darling.

-

Henchman: H-hey, boss - didn't that slime used to be much smaller??

Yan Scientist, feeding slime reader fingers over their shoulder: Clearly none of you have heard of a certain big red dog

-

Henchman: Alright, got some fresh meat for you. Open wide-

[Yan Scientist runs up from behind and smacks the absolute shit out of them]

Yan Scientist: What the hell do you think you're doing? Don't feed that filth to my Y/n without gathering it's medical records first. You don't know what could be in that thing! It could've been a smoker or double fisting burgers everyday. How fucking dare you!

Henchman: I-I'm sorry boss! I didn't know!

Yan Scientist: hmmm, on second thought - aren't you O positive?

-

[Slime Reader hugs Evil Scientist to their chest now at a height that leaves the human at tit(g.n) level - suffocating them in their squishy body. Scientist collapses to the floor barely conscious and surrounded by their minions]

Henchmen: What were you thinking?! You could've killed them

Slime Reader: :0?

Yan Scientist: It's a death I'd humbly accept. If you don't get your hands off me in the next five seconds - you'll be the ones to die.

#yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere insert #yandere scenarios #yandere blurb #yandere #monster reader #yandere text #slime reader

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems

Part 5

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: reader sees neteyam with another girl and gets jealous, a lot of angst, a flashback that tells u more about reader's past and why she acts in such a distrustful way, reader tries to deny to herself that she has feelings for neteyam but she realizes she does like him, heartbroken reader, tense encounter between neteyam and reader, TRIGGER WARNING for family issues, parental verbal abuse, mentions of death of a family member, mourning, studying too much as a coping mechanism, allusions of possible alcoholism, low self steem, isolating as a coping mechanism. Tell me if I'm missing anything!

Hi, loves! I don't have time to fully proofread this chapter rn so I hope things are alright lol In this chapter you guys will hopefully understand why reader is so fucked up in the head and follows her trust issues like they are the voice of truth 🥲 Have patience with my poor girl, I promise she's a bit insane but she's good. Anyways, hope y'all like this chapter! I love all of you and as always, I'll say THANK U SO MUCH for all the love and support I receive from you guys everyday. Means the world to me and makes me feel loved 🥺🤌🏻🥲💕 Comments will be incredibly appreciated by me so feel free to leave me some feedback down below!! <3

Slightly proofread.

Part 4 : Now she got your heart so I feel stupid, foolish, afraid

𓇼

Hit me like a shot in the heart

Never shoulda played you so hard

Guess I played myself, that's my fault

I don't even know how to think

'Cause now she got your heart so I feel stupid, foolish, afraid

I'm losing everything I thought I couldn't

My whole world is falling apart

I DO (G-IDLE)

𓇼

You had just gotten back from a long talk and an awesome breakfast with Adeline and Kate - no Pandoran food this time, you guys had already eaten way too much alien food the night before at the Metkayina beach party, and now, all you guys wanted to help with the hangover was burgers and coke and that's what the three of you ate. Some good human food was always great to remind a scientist living on an alien Planet of their humanity. 

You were hanging out in Tsireya's and Lo'ak's marui. It was getting near noon and you had been talking to Tsireya for a good amount of time, while Lo'ak was out fishing with Rotxo and Ao'nung. You wondered if they were gonna pick up a stupid fight with each other over something small and stupid, like who got a fish first. Lo'ak and Ao'nung had become friends with time but they would always be a little bit of frenemies too. You thought that was incredibly idiotic but still funny as hell.

You said goodbye to Tsireya and thanked her for the yellow flower she had adorned your hair with. She was a sweetheart, so kind, always doing things for other people. You really liked that alien girl's company. You could connect to each other really well even if the both of you were from completely different species. She was one of your good friends and one of the few people in the world you trusted because you were always one to read people well and you could see Tsireya's smiles and good deeds were not just a facade to seem like a perfect girl and make people love and admire her. Even though she seemed too perfect, too good, she was truly what she seemed to be. Not perfect, because nobody is, but truly a good girl. She was full of kindness and a need to help others had been planted deep inside her right before she was born (by Eywa, if you were to talk like Kiri did) and she would always follow that call. Tsireya was an open book and you liked that. Those kinds of people are easy to trust.

You stepped out of the door, hungry, feeling your stomach hurt. Starving would be a better way to describe it.

The wind was gentle and it had a higher temperature to it than it had early in the morning, back when Neteyam held you in his arms. That thought sent a shiver down your spine and made your heart start to beat faster and hurt, simultaneously, but you did your best to send that thought the farther it could go. 

The sun was shining really bright in the Pandoran sky, not many clouds around to make the temperature a little less hot. You felt a little stream of sweat dripping down your forehead and used the back of your hand to quickly dry it.

You were heading over to the marui that you, Adeline and Kate were sharing. You wondered if they knew what you guys were gonna eat for lunch. You needed food more than you needed air at that moment. You all worked as scientists and were the humans that were called "loyal to the na'vi". The three of you were in Awa'atlu because of the party - the Metkayina were famous among the na'vi and the humans for throwing unforgettable beach parties - and would stay for a little more time because traveling that far just to go back the next day made no sense at all. You and the girls would soon be heading back to Hell's Gate.

You walked through the Metkayina beach with your head down, looking at your feet getting covered by the tiny grains of sand. Once you looked up, you saw Neteyam talking to Munì. She was joyfully laughing at something he was saying but you couldn't hear what it was, since you were a good amount of meters away from them. You felt a stabbing feeling creeping up on you. Jealousy.

Damn. It could not be real. You could not be feeling jealous of Neteyam. That feeling was bad news. You could not be that attached. Fuck, no!! You were the one who dumped him, dammit. He was now moving on. Great for him. Why the hell did you even care? "I gotta stop being stupid" you thought to yourself. But your heart just would not stop hurting.

Munì was gorgeous and she treated Neteyam so nicely. The girl seemed to be head over heels for him. But again, it was not hard to see a girl acting like that when around Neteyam. One time you had heard Lo'ak saying that he was like a flame and the girls - na'vi or human - were like a Pandoran winged insect that loved light, be it coming from bioluminescent plants or from fire. Those extraterrestrial insects behaved in a similar way to how an insect called moth that used to live on Earth but was, unfortunately, extinct behaved.

Munì truly seemed to be a nice girl. She was na'vi, too. Of course she would be better for Neteyam than you could ever try to be. Neteyam was right to finally give her his attention. You would never be good enough for him and you knew it. If you had accepted being his mate, soon enough he would see how broken and messed up you truly were and he would fall out of love.

As you looked away as fast as you could, pretending you saw nothing, and kept walking towards the place where your girlfriends would be waiting for you, you had one of those weird moments where you seemed to be taken back to the past. It was so insanely uncomfortable but you never seemed to be able to control your own brain and keep yourself safe and sound at the present. You would always go down that same bitter path of painful memories. 

After your little sister died in a car accident, everything changed. You saw no reason to stay on Earth anymore. The only family you had that you felt actually cared for you and you could connect with was gone. The pain felt unbearable, like it tore your chest apart everytime you remembered you would never be able to hug Tracy again. That's when you made up your mind for real: your major would be Exoscience.

"Why would you go to that Planet?! It's dangerous, (y/n)!"

"Oh really, father? And staying here on Earth is really safe, right? A dying Planet! I am a scientist, I've been studying for it for years and I told you and mother I was gonna go to Pandora one day to study the Planet and help the na'vi. Did you think I was just kidding?!"

"So you're just gonna abandon your family to go help some stupid aliens and never come back? Is that it?"

"Yes, father. That's exactly it! There's nothing for me here. You and mother have abandoned me a long time ago. Just because you're still around it doesn't mean you're actually there for me. You're blind if you can't see it."

"You fucking ungrateful girl!" Your father screamed at you, which made you flinch "Just go then. Let's see how long you're gonna survive there, all alone. Just wait until those aliens decide to turn against you. You can't trust them. You're never gonna be an equal in their eyes. You're always gonna be human, an enemy. You'll never be safe in Pandora as you're safe here on Earth. But it's your choice. You're a grown up as you always say, right?!" He smirked "Go follow your dreams, daughter. But don't try and ask us for help when you see that those dreams turned into nightmares."

"I'm not gonna be alone there. Adeline and Kate are going too." You said confidently 

"Friends are not family." Your father harshly stated as he looked at you in disappointment seasoned with a little bit of disdain

Everytime you remembered how your parents would treat you back on Earth you would feel like someone was squeezing your heart hard, trying mercilessly to make it explode inside their hands.

Their cruel words taught you that you had to learn how to face the world completely on your own, you couldn't count on anyone and you certainly should not trust anyone easily. You trusted your parents when you were a kid and they told you they loved you and that they would always be there for you but as soon as you dared to make a decision on your own, going against the plan they had for your life, which was to stay on Earth and go to medical school, they abandoned you. Though you never wanted that for you, it seemed like your parents didn't love you for who you were, they only loved the version of you they created in their minds, the good daughter who would always obey her parents, even after she was an adult, the good girl who would always behave like everybody wanted her to, who would never even dare to dress in a "weird way" that would bring too much attention to herself because "what about what people will comment?" like your mother used to say.

You got so fed up with all of it that you just decided to study as hard as you could so you could get away from that Planet and be a great scientist. You had always felt drawn to the stars and the moon, ever since you were a child. Maybe that was the way the Universe found of letting you know that there was much more to see and experience than what's on the planet you had been born in. You decided you shall go nearer the stars you could watch from Earth, like the ones in the constellation known as The Archer.

You studied your ass off, didn't have much time for friendships, parties or leisure but you got what you wanted. Not without the help of half a bottle of wine everyday at 4 am, though. When you finally finished studying everything you needed to retain information about and would finally, that late in the am, try to relax and be able to fall asleep, the alcohol truly helped. It seemed to soothe you from the inside. It was calming and familiar.

You did regret pushing people away because all you focused on was your studies, though. You realized too late that the people you love - and love you back in a healthy way, not a toxic one - should come before your career. But crying over the milk that was spilled wouldn't fix anything. You can't go back in time but you can try and do better in the present and that's what you made a big effort to do nowadays. Now, you and your small group of close friends were inseparable and you were always there for your girls, like Adeline, for example. She earned your trust. She was your childhood friend and contrary to what your own family did, she never abandoned you.

Chosen family… you wholeheartedly believed in that concept.

𓇼

Later, when it was afternoon and you were hanging out with your na'vi friends - Tsireya, Rotxo, Ao'nung and Kiri - you realized Neteyam was walking towards the rocks you all were sitting at. He was talking to Lo'ak, the two brothers laughing about something. Neteyam seemed too distracted to notice you but when he realized you were there and everybody saw the way both of you tensed up at the sight of each other, the atmosphere around the friend group got filled with a bad energy. Nobody knew how to act.

Yeah, it wasn't just a saying. News truly travel at the speed of light in Pandora.

How the hell did they find out about the fact that you and Neteyam had hooked up? Did anyone see the both of you together and spread the word around?

You wondered if you would lose your friends because of what you did to Neteyam. You already felt like shit and couldn't stop thinking about how stupid you had been… you did not want to lose your friends too. You knew you had lost the chance to have a great guy be your partner.

At least you would still have your human girl friends. But you would miss your Metkayina friends, of course…

God, getting attached always got you in trouble! But you couldn't help it when it came to the na'vi. They were much more loyal than the humans, so, you trusted them easier. It was easier to make friends with an alien race than with your own race. What a joke that seemed to be.

𓇼

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@creepytoes88

@live-laugh-neteyam

@swaggygurlbae

@neteluvr

@layla2-49

@a-blog-name-2003

@lala-1516

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen

@yeosxxx

@iaratezaewa

#neteyam x reader #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam sully #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam x human reader #neteyam x female human reader #neteyam x female reader #neteyam x f!reader #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x female reader #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully x human reader #avatar fanfiction #neteyam fanfiction #na'vi x human reader #na'vi x y/n #na'vi x human #na'vi x reader #avatar twow #avatar the way of water #✎ victória writes ▢࿐✧

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Soulmatch™ — App-grade your love life! (final teaser)

pairing: huang renjun x reader

au/genre: smut, humor, fluff, angst, strangers to enemies to lovers...?, non-idol!au

characters: huang renjun, f!reader, best friend!Jaemin, best friend!Haechan, friend!chenle, renjun's parents

word count: 23k+ words

general warnings: mentions of cheating, men being dudes and dudes being bros, lack of communication, haechan is a milf hunter, trust issues, insecurities regarding relationships, hook ups, smoking, alcohol, mentions of vomit (nothing graphic or detailed, literally just the word), emotional manipulation..? past na jaemin x reader, implied past huang renjun x wong yukhei / lucas, toxic masculinity, daddy issues, donghyuck and jaemin talk very vulgarly, mentions of virginity, crying, heartbreak, more tba

smut warnings: ...hate sex...?, unprotected sex (nuh-uh!), fingering and oral (f receiving), face-fucking, switch!renjun, switch!reader (?), pet names, a lot of imagining sex, brief choking, more tba

synopsis: Renjun is a hopeless romantic. His goal is to meet his perfect match by the end of the year, maybe even his soulmate. The perfect solution: an experiment for finding love through an app, Soulmatch™. Renjun doesn't care who it is, as long as they're a perfect match, he thinks. But then you show up...

release date: september 10th 2023 (set an alarm, everyone)

a/n: i really love this so much. it's a bit different from what i usually do bc it has a real storyline! it's complicated (not really). i really poured my heart and soul into this. i love renjun so much. argh!

Taglist: @she-is-dreaming @nctzennikki09 @babyjenono @noonaisreading

open here for a sneak peek:

"A what for what?" Donghyuck asks, mouth as full of burger as Renjun's own, hence why he couldn't understand him the first time. Renjun holds up his hand, chews aggressively, then swallows hard.

"An experiment for finding love," he explains a second time, and the crease in between Donghyuck's eyebrows only seems to be getting deeper with every word that leaves Renjun's lips.

"What the fuck is that?" Donghyuck asks (assumingely, Renjun still can't understand him over the huge bite of patty and bun inside of his mouth).

"You give a whole bunch of information about yourself to the scientists, and they use some software to find your ideal partner," Renjun explains briefly. There's a bit more to it than just that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm Donghyuck's brain while he's eating.

"Pff, okay?" Donghyuck says, a few crumbs of- whatever that had been only mere seconds ago flying out of his mouth and directly onto Renjun's forearm. The older contorts his face in utter disgust, shaking the sticky pieces of food off of his skin.

"You're a pig, Donghyuck," Renjun states, wiping the spot with his napkin because he can still feel Donghyuck's saliva on himself.

"I might be a pig, but at least I got game." Donghyuck finally swallows, grinning proudly with a small piece of lettuce stuck in between his teeth which Renjun has yet to decide telling him about after that insult.

"You don't have 'game'," Renjun spits, fingers motioning quotation marks, "you just have low standards. You'd fuck everything that bends over in front of you."

"That is not true!"

"Need I remind you of what happened with Chenle's mom?"

"She is a milf!" Donghyuck whines, letting his hands weakly fall down onto the table.

"Whatever." Renjun sighs. "Point is: I'm not lacking game, I just want to wait for the right person."

#renjun smut #renjun fluff #renjun angst #renjun fic #nct renjun #renjun #nct dream renjun #huang renjun #renjun x reader #i love renjun #huang renjun smut #nct #kpop #smut #nct fanfic #kpop smut #fem reader #nct dream #nct x reader

[bailey-dreamfoot]

Biblically Accurate Barnacles

Ok so I do actually probably have to explain this (this will sound a little conspiracy -ish but please bear with me)

So like at first, I just wanted to draw a realistic polar bear Barnacles, but then I thought, hey if I'm drawing him to be biologically realistic as far as his design goes, why not make him biologically accurate in terms of his actual character?

I've talked ab it a bit before, but the jist is polar bears are hyper carnivores, with vegetation like berries making up only a very small percentage of their diet when sea ice is less expansive. And so, the fact that the Captain (and all the other crew members who are mostly carnivores/ omnivores) eats literally no meat of any kind in the show, and consume only kelp based food, they have all got to be dead may times over. Or at the very least very malnourished.

But then I thought of a headcannon I had, where like, Barnacles would visit his sister Bianca and her kids every now and then (bc they have the most wholesome sibling bond I swear-) and they'd just have like family get togethers and family dinner time. And the idea was, since Bianca isn't an animal rescuer or anything, she would still like eat meat and stuff. So when ever the Captain came over, she would make like seal burgers for herself and Orson and Ursa- and make a special veggie burger specifically for her brother.

B u t T h e n - OHHOHOH THEN, I had a wee thought.

So like Octonauts, animal universe, weirdly advanced technology, yada yada we've been through that before. They can build super complicated vehicles, Tweaks inventions range from already existing to borderline sci-fi. So hear me out here-

What if the Technology in the world of Octonauts is advanced enough, that they are able to produce lab grown meat, like scientists are trying to do right now? So then say maybe a group of mostily carnivore sea-explorers and animal rescuers (the Octonauts) have themselves a moral dilemma. Can't eat fish bc they're supposed to be saving them (+ they can talk so that's kinda fucked), but also can't just give up meat bc malnutritions a bitch. So say maybe they either create or just buy this kind of lab grown meat- right? And what if they put it *in* the kelp cakes? It would explain why we see them eating literally nothing else.

Now you may be saying, Bailey thats rediculous, the kelp cakes are called kelp cakes BECAUSE they are made of kelp, of course theres's no meat in them. And I'd say thats a perfectly reasonable assumption, yk? IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT THERES A CONONICAL BURGER KELP CAKE.

TBH, it's just a wee bit out of place that the burger one is the only traditionally meat based dish here. Everything else is either a fruit or veggie based food. And I'm not even going to get into how the existance of milk and cheese would imply the existance of a dairy industry in this world.

But- not if you use that lab grown- meat idea. Whose to say something like that wouldn't or couldn't expand to other animal based foods, like milk, cream, or cheese?

So yeah thanks for coming to my tedtalk, thats why I draw Barnacles noming on a burg. It's literally 3 am, I am tired.

#this post is incomprehensible #pls read to the end i beg you #bailey’s ramblings #bailey’s art #octonauts #octonauts barnacles #octonauts fanart

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Halloween prompts no 29

This one might hurt you btw

Project Bird was an attempt to create a weapon by generically engineering a child with the DNA of all three Robins in hopes he would have the best qualities of each of them.

Unfortunately the only subject they were able to produce was physically unstable due to the over-abundance of DNA and repeated tampering of his genetic code. The project was deemed a failure and all information and proof of it was to be terminated, including the child.

One guard offered to put the kid down himself but actually helped the kid fake his death. However once they were alone and outside for the first time in the childs life the kid bolted.

He lived on the streets for a few weeks, acting as the bane of candy stores and burger shops until someone nearly caught him and he fled the city. He snuck onto a greyhound bus by holding on the the end of a woman's coat while she was boarding, making the bus driver think he was hers.

Next thing he knew he was in a new city and he started all over again. This process repeated for a few months until he became interested in some weirdos in colorful outfits yelling about ghosts. He would have ignored them if not for the shiny weapons they were carrying about. Plus they seamed powerful...so of course he needed to steal them! That way he'd be able to protect himself better!

Long story short there was a portal and he left that place with the weapons, the disassembled parts to aforementioned portal, and with cool new superpowers. Yeah, he lost part of his life(?) but in his mind it was so worth it. He sets the portal up in Gotham because that place is strange enough that if something ghostly happened no one would bat an eye right? Plus his dads were here and he really wanted to meet them, even if they didn't know he was thier son.

Christmas eventually came but he wasn't cold. Not since he got used to his ice powers. He thought for a while there that he was going to go full Elsa but no, he just needed to let it out, not let it go. His own little batcave became nice and cozy. Just him. No crazy scientists, no cruel guards to mock and flick cigarette butts at him, no tubes or wires. Just the cold darkness he had always associated with safety.

Thats why the lights bothered him so much. In the labs, red and orange lights meant they were prepping the experiment rooms and that meant he was going to be in a lot of pain soon. It was no wonder he hated "Christmas lights". He also couldn't stand the smell of the pine trees people were dragging in, it reminded him of the cleaning agent they used on his cage and how it burned his skin if he touched it when it before it dried.

As much as he loved the safely of his newly dubbed "birdcage" he needed to go out and hunt for food. He Skulked through alleyways and picked pockets like a pro, the powers were so useful, even at the cost of him having to eat more. He made sure to memorize the patrol patterns of the bats and birds, which was why he was so surprised when Red Hood jumped down to him in the rich side of town while he was looking through the small army of wallets.

"I'm assuming those aren't yours."

The former experiment hissed at him, like actually hissed as he covered the goods with his body like an animal, "They are now! Go away!"

There was an embarrassingly short scuffle in which the kid lost. He didn't have the greatest control of his powers not that he would let Hood see him use them anyway, but he made sure to put dents in the mans leather jacket with his little teeth so he didn't win completely unscathed. Red Hood just seemed amused by this though and carried the kid curled up under his arm like a sack of potatoes.

Phantom (the name he chose for himself) really hoped they weren't heading for the police station. He kinda guessed those guys who made him never looked for him, but he couldn't help but to be paranoid. To avoid being taken to jail, and possibly killed, he asked the question that had been burning a hole in his head the past few weeks, "Were you a Robin?"

The way the man stiffened but didn't answer, but fortunately it became his means to escape.

Once he was back at the birdcage he began to review all his facts, he was 75% sure Nightwing was a one of his dads, 100% sure Red Robin was one and about 60% sure with Red Hood. He liked to analyze things, it calmed him down and helped him think he was more in control than he actually was. They never told him anything when he was in the labs. He loved learning new things and making friends and memories. His thought always circled back to his dads. Were they like him? Did they like learning and analyzing and talking to people? Would they want him if they knew about him?

Would they take him to a museum or teach him how to use a cell phone? Would he have to be a Robin? He didn't want to. It sounded scary and they had to fight a lot. He never admitted it out loud but he felt ashamed to be so afraid of combat seeing as that was his main purpose in life. Plus there was a new Robin who was very good at his job. Would he have to fight the new guy like a gang initiation? He hoped not, that sword reminded him too much of the scalpels. Never again.

.

.

.

His opinion changed a few months later. His body, the human half, was beginning to "degrade" whatever that meant. The clock ghost who gave him cookies didn't tell him what that really meant. Only that Phantom was dying. Phantom didn't want to die, he had only just begun to live! It hurt everywhere and it just wouldn't stop.

He made the decision to go to his dads. All he could tell them was that it hurt. It hurt so much he was crying. He never cried. Everything after that was spotty, like he was falling asleep and waking up over and over again but without ever leaving his dreams.

When he woke up again it was Spring and it didn't hurt anymore, but new challenges came soon after. His dads knew about him now and somehow knew about Project Bird too. None of them seemed happy, only sad and angry.

Were they angry he existed? Sad they had to deal with him? That must be it. Everytime he talks about the labs they look angry and he bolts off to hide under or behind something. Usually furniture.

Everytime he flinches from raised voices or sharp objects they look sad. Many times the Robin, Damian, would raise his katana almost as if suggesting something but Nightwing, Dick, would tell him no. Red Hood would argue about how they should "avenge thier son" or something. But Phantom was still alive? What was there to avenge?

One night his Grandpa was reading the newspaper while his Great Grandpa did something in the kitchen. Phantom sat there on the sofa staring at his reflection in the TV screen. He knew how to turn it on and stuff but he didn't understand how he was supposed to use it. Was he just supposed to...watch? And listen? Without interacting at all?

He only vaguely listened to two of his dads from where they were sitting in the nearby chairs bickering about what his name should be. He thought Phantom was a perfectly fine name for both his ghost and human halfs but apparently he was wrong.

His final dad, Tim came up behind him with a glass of water and asked, "What are you doing?"

Danny looked up from his own reflection towards his last dads and something clicked, "Oh, I have your eyes."

An wierd look his didn't understand crossed his fathers face and the sound of shattering glass sent him bolting up the stairs to safety. He hid under a guest rooms bed clutching some of the star shaped knives he had stolen from his uncle, because if Damian used them then they must be good.

Phantom never blamed Tim for his accidents. He was taking it way better than Dick, who was trying to be a brother instead of a father and tried to shove the father role onto Grandpa.

Jayson was the best of the three and was always willing to spend time with him. He was even teaching him how to read! He got him these cool light up shoes! He had never had shoes before! Dad even taught him how to color and was showing him how to aim a nerf gun and throw footballs and all sorts of stuff.

Tim was close behind showing him how to organize his thoughts and giving him life advise and answering all his questions. He even gave Phantom an old Wayne tech tablet of his to play on so long as he didn't mess with any of the settings.

Dick never liked being called Dad, or more specifically "one of" his dads. He overheard him talking on the phone with someone and appearently it wasn't that Phantom was his clone son that bothered him, it was the fact that he was a baby made between him and his brothers and it freaked him out. He knew he wasn't being fair and mentioned someone named Connor and how disappointed he would be if he knew.

Phantom just wishes he knew what to do to make everything better. But what can a six year old reasonably do in this situation?

#fanfiction prompts #prompts #dp x dc #danny phantom #danny fenton #batman #robin #damian wayne #tim drake #red robin #jason todd #red hood #nightwing #dick grayson #everyone is skeeved out #damian keeps offering to murder the guys who made Phantom #Hood agrees the others dont #phantom has severe ptsd and flashbacks #he hates Christmas because of this #the whole batfam has devolved into a kicked hornets nest #danny is so tiny and dirty and shoeless #danny likes to hide under Damians bead during thunderstorms he things Damian doesnt know but he does #jason is super protective #tim isnt sure what to do #dick wants to pretend he can big brother his way out of this one #bruce originally objected to being called Grandpa until he saw the kid was about to cry #the same thing happened with Alfred with the added bonus of Phantom asking if he didnt want him #not only was it allowed but Phantom got a slice of pie #tw: cage #tw: child abuse

[cleolinda]

"Strength (Bell Donner Gives Her Word)"

I posted this short story on LJ back in 2007, and I said I'd repost it here for Halloween. I did an audio reading 15 (!) years ago that I'd like to redo in better quality in the near future; I'm also curious to see what it would sound like now that I'm the age I imagined the main character to be. This version is lightly revised, but the story is mostly the same.

That fall a number of people in Chesterville were mauled to death by some kind of wild dog or coyote—the kind that apparently wasn’t too afraid to go right up to people as they took out their trash at night, or let their own tame, domestic dog out not too long after dawn. But it was a small town out in the sticks, verging on farm territory: quiet. Not like a wild animal was marauding up and down Times Square or anything. Not like it was in plain view. So people just started being more careful—not venturing out alone until midday, or not venturing out at all without a loaded shotgun—and things were all right for a while. Then, in late October, the animal came back, and this time, someone survived.

An old lady by the name of Edna Mayhew—well, yes, she lost her arm from the elbow down, but she came out of it a damn sight better than any of those who’d come before her. And she said that it was a wolf, definitely a wolf, but it had come at her on two legs, and when she had smacked it in the face with a veiny little fist, it had held her down with two arms and bitten her forearm clean off. The only thing that saved her, she declared, was her neighbor Bill “Thursday” Thurston, who had heard her screaming and come out with both barrels blazing. He claimed that the thing he saw ran away on four legs, but that it was, in fact, Goddamn Huge. This was about the time that that new photo of Bigfoot lumbering around on all fours came out, which several professors and scientists swore up and down was just a bear with mange. Eddie at the Red Brick printed out the picture and taped it up by the bar, and the next time Thursday came in for a beer, he said, yeah, the thing he chased off Miz Mayhew kinda looked like that. Maybe it was a wolf with mange. Mange was a terrible thing, after all. He’d managed to hit it with at least one shot, though, so he didn’t think it’d trouble people too much after that.

So, going into November, that was where things stood. Whatever it was, it had mange, and it had probably gone off and died quiet somewhere. Bell Donner wasn’t terribly worried about it when she went outside one morning to get more wood for her kiln. She threw artisan pottery out on a little farm a few miles to the west of Chesterville anyway; every week or so, she’d go into town for groceries, mail out her online orders, maybe stop at the Brick for a burger and a drink, and hear what was to be heard. She had little to tell about herself, but folks like to tell their stories, and she knew Miz Mayhew from the post office. She learned that people were keeping their guns out, their doors locked, and their pets inside; she heard the recitation of tales. But whatever the thing that Bill Thurston shot had been, it and its mange were not likely to bother Bell. Or so she thought, until that morning when she was piling kindling into the crook of her arm, looked up, and saw it standing at the edge of the yard.

It didn’t have a human face, but it was standing—on two long, lanky legs that curved back into hocks like a dog’s. One—arm?—was held close to its belly. Probably protecting wherever Thursday shot it, thought Bell, her brains feeling thick and logy. That was the best reaction she could dredge up: Yeah, six-foot man-shaped wolf thing hunched over in my yard, probably not feeling too good right now. It didn’t have a human face, but it did have a very human expression—desperate, she thought, and cranky. Maybe resentful, even. And hungry.

Bell put down her armful of kindling and picked the axe back up.

The thing staggered forward a step or two. It was still a good twenty feet away.

“Go on, now,” she said. “Get. Ain’t nothin’ here you want.”

The thing gazed at her, its eyes watching the axe; it almost seemed to—calculate? She’d seen it, after all, and it was hungry. A human murderer wouldn’t have let her live, and this wasn’t even human.

Bell hardened her voice and rode over a quaver like it was a speedbump: “Go on now. I won’t tell nobody if you just go.” It was on the tip of her tongue to offer it some food—she had a pot roast from the other night, and she was still knee-deep in leftovers—and then she thought, You dumbass, you feed it once and you’ll never get rid of it. “G’on now,” she said, her hands tight on the axe handle. “Just get. You got my word. I won’t tell nobody.”

It was still standing there, reckoning. And then it stepped back, making a tactical withdrawal into the brush at the back of the yard. She saw it drop back down on four legs and lope away awkwardly towards the thicket out behind the farm, a scrubby bit of forest that led into some of the foothills. Probably some good caves in there, she thought. The wolf-thing wasn’t the only one out there who could calculate. And when the attacks started in Chesterville again, and then moved a bit north—northeast of Bell’s farm, and then back down to Chesterville, and then southeast of her farm, and then back to town again—she knew it was being careful. It knows better than to shit where it eats, she thought to herself. Or eat where it slept, more precisely, but the saying held the same. There were some people at the sheriff’s office who probably would have given a lot to know about a thicket in the foothills west of Chesterville, particularly since Edna Mayhew was still the only survivor. But Bell Donner had given her word; she valued her word almost as much as she valued her life, and they were pretty much the same thing in this case, she decided. After all, it’s one thing to know where something lives. It’s another when something knows where you live, and a deal was a deal where Bell Donner came from.

#my writing #first look on patreon #ye olde livejournal #fiction #werewolves #spooky season

[z-and-the-space-child]

Some midnight burger headcannons: -Caspar says his favourite drink is black coffee. It’s really instant hot chocolate.

leif just. Borrows other peoples clothes, to their dismay.

(Gloria: Leif. That’s my skirt.

Leif: Sorry. My normal tradesmens clothes got a little...out of this current timeline, and I needed to patch this light before the diner re-opens.

Gloria: We won't have a diner to re-open if I don't have a clean uniform to wear. Can't you borrow someone elses clothes?

Leif: Caspar's pants don't fit me and Ava's not really my style...also last time i took her blazer without asking she tasered in my sleep

Ava (from her booth): and I will do it again!)

-Ava has strong feelings about string theory.  It would have been invented when she was a teenager. When she was working on her 1st or 2nd PhD it was getting really popular in both scientific and popular culture. She kind of thinks of it with the same awe and grief(well, she doesn't really grieve much) as a young childhood pet or hobby you just couldn't get into despite how cool it sounded. Oh, the potential.

- gloria did debate and outreach in highschool. she originally started volunteering just to fill the mandatory hours, but she loved it so much she kept racking them up without turning them in.

-gloria also, eventually gets caspar a sleeping arrangement that isn't "behind the counter". i'm thinking bunk beds.

(Caspar: Just for the record, gloria, I think this is a waste of space. and time. and whatever other frames of reference we've got out here.

Gloria: I don't care if you use it or not. As your boss, I need to know you have somewhere to sleep. Just give it a try, okay?"

Caspar: ...fine)

-Sometimes, physicists have people help them out with their math. sometimes its mathematicians, sometimes its other scientists. Leif sometimes needs help with his math. Ava, however, never needs help with hers.

Gloria isn't a gamer, but she is strangely good at video games. Put her in front of any game, and she immediately knows what to do and how to win. Her favourite game to win is any legend of zelda because she likes the noises Link makes and also thinks it's nice to see an unassuming little guy become the chosen one, while at the same time lamenting how young and unexperienced he is. (Gloria: I'm just saying! He's just a little guy, he really doesn't deserve all this. That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid. He doesn't even know what to do with the sword half time time. Caspar: So, you're saying he was tossed into some dangerous situation without knowing what was coming, huh? Gloria: Exactly! Caspar: So you're saying we're Link. Gloria: What? Caspar: We're Link from the Legend of Zelda. We didn't choose this, but we're forced to stick with it to work for better things. Hopefully. Gloria: Huh, I guess we are.)

Effie and zebulon own a lot of quilted things. their comforter, their pillows...they have many quilts around their house, strewn on the sofa, etc.

Effie also uses terms of endearment (dear, honey, sweetheart, etc) on the diner staff. very rarely though, when Max Comfort or Max Parent Mode is needed.

Laundry gets done in the dishwasher. You're not supposed to be able to put clothes in the dishwasher, but theirs is modified (either by Leif of by midnight burger magic) to be able to wash clothes. there's a clothesline on the roof where they dry their clothes if there's not too much of a risk or radiation signature.

#midnight burger #fiction podcasts #mb #headcanon

[jacksprostate]

When God himself informs you your contract has been passed on to a third party, you might wonder where you're headed.

My regiment of angels waved me off. A man with a split lip and holy glow, he said, this was out of our hands, sir. We'll try to follow you. Sir.

The first few weeks I was at the asylum, I got taken off all my pills. Mount Massive was not Heaven. Divine figures shrunk back into shrinks. They paid special care to the rough chop of scar tissue spread across my face. I was a corpse laid fresh on an anthill.

The thing is, when you come off a cocktail of benzos and antipsychotics and mood stabilizers and SSRIs meant to keep you from blowing up the World Trade Center, you have withdrawals. The thing is, it was very apparent that is what the doctors ordered.

The Engine.

I was out of my gourd, when they primed me for it. The therapy, you'd think they'd never seen a car crash before. I could hear all the other men screaming. The sensation, it was insomnia before support groups all over again.

I know what you want. On the way back to my cell, I talked.

"Do you?"

You want him back.

"Do we, or do you?" My false father figure in all his hazmat glory liked to lead his questions.

Of course I want him back. I'd watch their Z-list snuff films twenty four seven if it meant he'd come back.

Why does Murkoff want Tyler?

My shrink, he said, "Have you considered, what is amazing about Tyler is not him, but the fact that you could make him?"

So I learned, this was a Jesus sort of thing. Or maybe God. I told my shrink, you can't teach God anything.

The Engine.

That was a bit more like lye. My keepers, they wanted Tyler. They wanted me pissing on the Blarney Stone. They wanted my palace of many doors. My inner cave. They wanted what my mind could do, they wanted me to craft them their very own God.

The Engine showed me blond hair. Red leather. Chipped teeth.

Oh, my compliance was a scientist's wet dream.

It's only natural that when Tyler returned, everything collapsed like the soggy wood of the mansion under monkey feet.

Like a schoolgirl sold on love at first sight, I want to believe I felt it when he crawled back inside my head and out the door of my subconscious. In truth, I spent the first night of the riot hidden away, under my bed. Awake. The howls I heard. I knew it'd been too long since I'd been to fight club. I'd die like a fool.

Tyler, though.

When I wake up, I'm in an office. In a closet, really. The desk arranged just like the one I woke up at with gasoline on my hands.

Rejoice.

Tyler, I know he keeps coming around, because the hulking, mutated, beaten men I pass by start nodding at me. I know because I wake up with badly done stitches. I know because I'm not seeing him, and he's all the more real since I'm not.

I wonder what the other patients think. Skinny guys fight til they're burger. I wonder if Tyler's siren call works as well in a land already past bottom.

I wake up in different rooms. My cell. That office. A kitchen, with a dead man laid out, head inside a microwave. Tyler left a sticky note on him.

You are what you eat!

The bodies around tell the story. The flesh that speaks.

When the carcass is gone, we stop moving. The burners are clear and the fridge is full of glycerin.

Tyler Durden, creature of habit.

I make no habit of roaming. These men, their eyes are open. They know I'm Tyler. They know I'm his. These things are different. Property, ownership. Things that can be stolen.

I like to fall asleep to the caterwauls of all these lost apes.

The prodigal son returns, finally, when the church burns. You know what they say, Hell is empty, all the devils are here.

Tyler, I say.

He looks at me. It's so easy to be pinned like a worm under a dissecting microscope. I try to imagine him with his brains blown out. With the massacre of a face I have.

Tyler.

"And so Adam was sent from the garden," Tyler says. "And so, the devil ran amuk."

He looks like he's thriving.

The next man I see calls me sir.

#fight club #my writing #outlast #extremely silly #dont try to understand time #this will deeply appeal to like 3 people.

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

My favorite lines in Midnight Burger so far (some of these might not be 100% accurate my memory isn't great)

"THIS MOLOTOV COCKTAIL IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY COMMUNISM"

"... He's like an artist... And his canvas is misery"

"my dear, I have given up"

"you are SO handy!" "I. KNOW."

"I'm immortal, he's 173 years old, we have time"

"you're the only scientist I've met to say things like "eh... well""

"dear, are our friends attempting to... Inebriate a tree?" "Yes dear. And lord forgive me but I have to see what happens"

"is that a huge bone" "Iforgottodropit"

"so why aren't we telling ava" "because ava is a crazy science wizard who would use a dooms day device just to see what would happen"

"so you decided to come in here all guns blazing?" "Yes" "... You're heart wasn't in it, Ted" "... I know"

*in various bad country accents* "say when" "say when" "say when" "say when"

"he killed you daddy, and your mule!" "I loved that mule" "and your dad" "yeah him too"

"I feel like we just slipped an unknowable banana peel into a ball pit of ambiguity"

"Gloria bit John Wilkes Booth"

"ok I've got a creme brulee torch and I'm about to get weird with it"

#midnight burger #mb

[scarletsaphire]

@dooshek the second veggie burger scene for the ask game.

Tucker wrinkled his nose in disgust, grabbing the napkin next to him and spitting the half chewed mush into it. He took a thick swallow of his chocolate shake. "You are doing nothing to change my mind on the matter."

"Oh come on!" Sam protested, throwing her hands into the air. "That was one of the best fake meat replacements on the market right now. It tastes exactly like beef."

Tucker crossed his arms. "You may be an expert in suspicious plant based meat replacements, but you are no expert in good beef. Or any beef. Or any other meat."

"And I take pride in that fact," Sam interrupted.

"No matter how much pride you take, it still makes me the expert on meat. And I still say that none of these plant based scientists have ever tasted meat in their whole lives."

"They totally have! Why else would they be making these replacements?" 

"They totally haven't! How else could they say this," Tucker poked the not beef patty with his fork, "tastes like meat?"

"Have you tried thinking about happy cow faces while eating it?" Sam suggested. "It might make it taste better when you consider that every bite you take isn't soaked in the blood of an innocent animal."

"Have you ever watched Veggie Tales?" Tucker shot back. "Those vegetables have faces! How are you supposed to eat a cucumber when its Larry's cousin!"

Sam threw her hands in the air in anger. "No I haven't seen veggie tales, I'm Jewish! And even if I had, its a cartoon! Cartoons aren't real."

Tucker opened his mouth to add a rebuttal, but was cut off before he could do so. "I'm sorry," the waitress, a shorter, petite woman with short hair said. "But if you're going to keep fighting like that, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Tucker glanced around the restaurant they were sitting in, catching Sam doing the same. A number of the surrounding tables were staring at them, with others make a point to not stare at them. He felt his face heat up slightly in embarrassment.

Sam, of course, had abandoned the concept of embarrassment sometime in high school, and had no issues with defending herself. "We weren't fighting, we were debating, there's a difference," she pointed out. "But we understand. We'll keep it down."

The waitress gave a tired, strained smile at both of them. "We appreciate it, thank you."

The two sat there for a moment, watching the waitress walk to another table, before turning back to each other and giggling, Tucker mostly with embarrassment. "I feel like we should have seen this coming," Tucker said, his voice much more hushed than it had been before.

"Considering this is like, the 3rd time? Yea, probably," Sam said.

"Next time, I'm choosing the date spot."

"Only if you admit that the patty was good," Sam argued. At Tucker's glare, she laughed a full laugh. "I'm kidding." Tucker couldn't help but laugh along.

#danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #tucker foley #sam manson #veggie burger #ask game

[fictionaldogcompetition]

Contestants!

Below the cut is the contestants and their matches!

Each poll will be 1 week long, and they'll go out 10 at a time. The exact date and time polls will start going up is a little up in the air right now, because I'm going out of town over the weekend. So they might begin as early as Monday 18th, but probably not later than Wednesday 20th. I'll let you know the night before.

Anyway, just think of this delay as time to write propaganda ahead of your dog's poll going up!

Ruff Ruffman (Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman) vs Muttley (Wacky Races)

Snowy (Tintin series) vs Dog (Columbo)

Maliketh, The Black Blade (Elden Ring) vs Wolfie (Until Dawn)

Unnamed Dog/The Imitator (The Thing) vs Whisper the Wolf (Sonic IDW comics)

Queen Teatinu (Healin Good Precure) vs Nigou/Tetsuya 2 (Kuroko no Basket)

Melody Amaranth (Super Lesbian Animal RPG) vs Pappy van Poodle (Rusty’s Real Deal Baseball)

Sunkist (HLVRAI) vs Dog that can Drive (Drawfee)

Hylian Retriever (Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom) vs Wolf (Minecraft)

Bee/Bay (Dragon Ball Z) vs Shadow (Homeward Bound)

Blue (Blue's Clues) vs Ein (Cowboy Bebop)

Snoopy (Peanuts) vs Clifford (Clifford the Big Red Dog)

Argos (The Odyssey) vs Barkspawn (Dragon Age)

Diogee (Milo Murphy's Law) vs Winston (Hannibal)

Good Boy (DuckTales) vs Bear (Person of Interest)

Daisy & Winnie (The Mistholme Museum Podcast) vs Heidi & Jackie (Hello from the Hallowoods) 

Missile (Ghost Trick) vs Sparky (Frankenweenie)

Bond (Spy X Family) vs Goddard (Jimmy Neutron)

Scratch (Baldur’s Gate 3) vs Iggy (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

Cujo (Danny Phantom) vs Cujo (Cujo (1983))

Momiji Inubashiri (Touhou Project) vs Tequila/Ernesto Salas (Arknights)

The Hound of the Baskervilles (Sherlock Holmes) vs Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo media)

Shrimp (The Upturned) vs Holidog (Holiday World)

Rapunzel the Corgi (Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency) vs K9 (Doctor Who)

Blue (Wolf’s Rain) vs Shiba-Warrior Taro (Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Annoying Dog (Undertale) vs Old Dan & Little Ann (Where the Red Fern Grows)

Chou Chou (Shoujo Cosette (Les Miserables anime)) vs Porthos (Star Trek: Enterprise)

Pompompurin (Sanrio) vs Krypto (DC)

Sorry-oo (Moomin) vs Tau (Palia)

Jake the Dog (Adventure Time) vs Lesser dog (Undertale)

Noodle (Nona the Ninth/The Locked Tomb series) vs Nina Tucker/Alexander (FullMetal Alchemist)

Lucky the Pizza Dog (Marvel Comics) vs Seymour (Futurama)

Wishbone (Wishbone Series) vs Angelo (Final Fantasy VIII)

Ox (Dimension 20: Unsleeping City) vs Hewie (Haunting Ground)

Bingpup (The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System) vs Elena (Spiritfarer)

Barnaby B. Beagle (Welcome Home) vs Charlie B. Barkin (All Dogs Go to Heaven)

Polterpup (Luigi’s Mansion) vs Gromit (Wallace and Gromit)

Santa’s Little Helper (The Simpsons) vs Slink/Slinky Dog (Toy Story)

Courage (Courage the Cowardly Dog) vs Twig (Hilda)

Zosimos/Zozo (The Glass Scientists webcomic) vs The BTS Wolves (Midnight Burger)

Unnamed Dog (Teletubbies) vs Shigure Souma (Fruits basket)

Dachsbun (Pokemon) vs Hector J. Peabody (Mr. Peabody & Sherman)

Inuyasha (Inuyasha) vs Frank the Pug (Men in Black)

Sam (Sam and Max) vs Barnabas (The Sandman)

Duck Hunt Dog (Duck Hunt) vs Mira (Silent Hill 2)

Fairy (Mo Dao Zu Shi) vs Shiloh (Shiloh series)

Makkachin (Yuri!!! On Ice) vs Becquerel/Bec (Homestuck)

Rush (Mega Man) vs Dogmeat (Fallout 4)

Dog (Good Omens) vs Zamazenta (Pokemon)

#fictionaldogcompetition #tumblr polls #dogs #masterpost #edit: forgot to say this but if youve followed my other tourneys #you may notice some returning champs

[cosmiethe]

#6J2823W ❞ HOLOGRAPHIC SUIT.

── ౨ৎ ‧˚ ft. miguel o'hara/spider person!reader

synopsis: you find out that miguel's suit isn't exactly a suit.

・⸝⸝ oneshot, crack, swearing, pre-gwen arrival, mentions of nudity, spider suits (spandex gang), wedgies, google translate: spanish (feel free to correct me), gender neutral, no use of y/n

navigation | spider-verse masterlist

"Don't any of you guys wonder why Miguel has a permanent spandex wedgie between his ass cheeks?" You thought out loud causing a nearby Spider-Man to choke on their Miguel-themed burger. Maybe you should think before speaking in the cafeteria.

Pavitr gave a weird look, "no? I thought we all had that problem."

"Not me," Peter B spoke up from beside you, mouth stuffed full of fries. "I have those silicone things from Mj's yoga pants and put them in my onesie."

Pavitr looks to Peter astonished as if amazed by the idea then doubting the next, "wait a minute, if you don't get that problem, does that mean you're not wearing any underwear underneath all that?" He eyes Peter suspiciously.

You snicker.

"I- well, what about you Pav? Haven't seen you with one and I've been here a long time. Is it cuz' of the skirt thing?" Peter asks, attempting to direct Pavitr's attention elsewhere.

And it works.

"It's called a dhoti," Pavitr corrects, gesturing to the bottom part of his suit. "I wear it over my spandex. Doesn't prevent the wedgies, I still get them. But at the very least, no one can see them, right?"

As you continue chatting, your phone vibrates from the pocket of your right pant leg. You pull it out and a snort escapes you as your eyes dance over the bright bold letters on your screen. It was an alarm reminding you that it was time to feed Miguel.

As admirable Miguel was for dedicating a lot of his time to protecting the multiverse—he often forgets to take care of himself in the process.

Tucking your phone back in place, you then grab Peter by the collar of his robe dragging him to stand up with you.

"Moody scientist?" Peter turns to you using the code name you both had for Miguel.

"Moody scientist." You confirm, watching as he then webs a few empanadas in his direction, hauling 5 boxes in his arms.

"Think that's enough?" Peter asks you.

You pause for a moment as you weigh your options.

Aw, what the hell, another wouldn't hurt. You think as you sling another pastry into Peter’s mountain.

"C'mon Pav, you too."

Startled by your sudden appearance behind him, pulling at his arm—Pavitr squabbles to gather the rest of his lunch in his container. "My aunt Maya made me this–" he protested, "don't make me drop it!" 

"So back to Miguel..." You start on your way to his office.

Peter frowns, "remind me again why we're talking about my best friend's ass?"

"Because Peter," you start, fiddling with the tupperware Pavitr made you carry. "If Mr. Arachno-Humanoid-Polymultiverse can create a multiverse-hopping watch–"

"You actually remembered all that?"

"–Then surely he has the brains to invent some sort of anti-wedgie suit." You finish, pointing your thumb to Miguel's office.

"Why couldn't he name it something simpler? Easier at least?" Peter exasperated as you all stop at Miguel's door.

"It's Miguel," you sigh. "And we're nerds. He's just an even bigger one."

Just as you were going to knock—a familiar voice calls out to you cheerily.

"Jess!" Peter greets her.

"Now what are you three up to?" Placing a hand on her hip she adds teasingly, "something good and not bad I'm hoping."

"Just here to feed the big guy." Pavitr assures, pointing to Peter's stack of tiny boxes filled with delicious pastry.

Jessica whistles, "that's– a lot. You sure he gon' be able to finish all that?"

You've watched Miguel scarf down an entire table of food once before. This is nothing. "Yeah, pretty sure." You answer, pushing the doors open.

"Miguel! Buddy!" Peter immediately steps in, the three of you following behind.

"I thought I told you to knock." Miguel's voice booms from his very—you think, unnecessarily high platform.

Peter shot you an accusing look.

"What? I- oops?" You shrugged. Miguel shakes his head, "why are you all here? I only remembered calling Jess here. Not you three. Especially you." He points to Peter.

Peter pouts. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think Miggy? We brought you lunch! They're your favourite," he sing-songs, launching himself on the platform, leaving you, Pavitr, and Jessica below.

You watch Peter pester at Miguel who in turn sighs at him turning his back, giving you a view of his–

"The more I look at it, the more it doesn't look like a wedgie." Whispering to Pavitr and Jessica, you continue. "It's like he spray painted it blue and decided he was good to go."

Jessica splutters, "excuse me?"

Ignoring her comment, Pavitr moved to stand next to you—tilting his head to get a better look. "No wait, I can see it too."

"I don't even wanna know." Is all she says, walking away from you two and your shenanigans.

"Hey, guys!" The little hologram appears, smiling at you both.

"Nice to see you too, LYLA." You smile back.

LYLA served as Miguel's assistant. An acronym of LYrate Lifeform Approximation. From what you hear, she was a gift to Miguel by his younger brother. Her AI was perfect and advanced. So advanced that she can form her own opinions and thoughts.

"So? What's the topic?" She sat on your shoulder, kicking her legs.

Of course, with it, came an attitude. LYLA loved to annoy Miguel—something she picked up from her creator. Like his brother, she constantly poked at his buttons. Miguel felt like instead of gaining an assistant, someone who is supposed to help and lessen his load, he gained a sister instead. A really annoying sister.

Pavitr answers her. "Miguel, not so surprisingly."

"Oh?" she hummed. "Did he make the interns cry again?"

You chuckled. "No, we were just curious about his suit."

Interested, LYLA pried further. "What about it?"

"It doesn't look like one." You state bluntly. "Yeah!" Pavitr pipes up, "it's like he had the whole thing printed onto his body!"

Hearing this, she grins mischievously. "Actually, you're not far off." Miguel had told her not to share any confidential information with any of the spiders unless he told her otherwise.

But never said anything about keeping his suit details confidential.

Oh, this was going to be so much fun. "It's a projection."

"Like you?" Pavitr peered at LYLA. "Like me," she replied.

You thought, and thought, until eventually...

"He's naked?"

Peter and Miguel had come down the platform at some point, in time to see the wide-eyed expression on your face.

Before either of them could get a word out to ask you what was wrong, you screeched. "YOU'RE NAKED!"

Pavitr gasps, "IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW!"

LYLA bursts out laughing, glitching over to Miguel, where he immediately demands what she told them. So, she responded.

"Nothing much, just told them your suit's just a projection. No big deal."

"Dios mío," Miguel groaned. "No big deal? I told you specifically not to–" [My god.]

"–To share confidential info, yes I know. Not a single canon event outta the bag. All I did was tell them about your suit," she dismissed him. "Did you know that Miguel can fly?"

Now it was Peter's turn to gasp, "YOU CAN FLY?"

"Todos ustedes son idiotas." [You are all idiots.]

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

"Boss, we got an anomaly," LYLA called. "Earth-65, Vulture variant."

Miguel grunted, "I'll handle it." Tinkering with the gizmo on his wrist—a portal opens seconds later. "Jess," he stressed. "You're in charge."

Amongst the chatter of Pavitr and Peter, Miguel manages to hear your comment. "If his suit's just pixels, I'm ninety-nine percent sure he's naked underneath that." LYLA, he can hear clearly—snorts. "He is."

Blushing furiously under his mask, he jumped. Miguel couldn’t tell what was worse. Peter and some teenager who was friends with Hobie, a Spider-Man he greatly disliked, discovering the odd mechanics of his suit—or that you, the Spider he’s harboring feelings for, did.

Credits: [divider/s] @/benkeibear, [editor/beta reader] @/nastygyal, [co-writer] @/y.0.me

#atsv miguel #miguel o'hara #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x reader #oneshot #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #atsv x reader #crack #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #miguel ohara #miguel ohara x reader #miguel ohara x you #miguel ohara x y/n #miguel o hara #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o hara x you #miguel o hara x y/n #gender neutral reader #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #miguel x reader #miguel o hara imagine #miguel o'hara imagine

[deconstructthesoup]

Okay, now that I'm OFFICIALLY all caught up, random things I like about Midnight Burger:

When I first heard the name "Zebulon" I thought it was a weird alien name, but nope. I looked it up. That's an actual real Biblical name and it's the best. Also, Zeb and Effie are so incredibly lovely and I never expected to love them as much as I did.

Ava is my aspiration, and her energy is absolutely going into at least one of my many mad scientist characters.

Casper's story almost made me cry. I knew from the minute we met him that he was gonna have some sort of backstory and I was proven right.

Leif is the most chaotic bisexual genius madlad ever and we love to see it. "Showtime" is now going into my vocabulary, EXACTLY how he pronounces it.

Gloria got lost in an alternate dimension full of wolves and proceeded to not only adopt the wolves, but name them after members of BTS. I think that's what really cemented my love for her, honestly.

Clementine ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and hurled it into the sun. She made herself the narrative and was still doomed by it. With that in mind, Shel's story is also one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever heard.

The Ex is girlfriend goals and I love her so much

#midnight burger #zebulon mucklewain #effie mucklewain #ava maddox #caspar midnight burger #leif midnight burger #gloria midnight burger #clementine #shel #the ex #i adore this podcast