#I've worked 16+ hour days for the past month and finally have some down time so i drew theses while catching up on tv time
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Just some Clark doodles
#superman#clark kent#dc comics#dcau#my art#fanart#messy art#I've worked 16+ hour days for the past month and finally have some down time so i drew theses while catching up on tv time
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Alrighty so this is the post on lichen dyes!
this particular bath of lichen dyes was originally started over a year ago scraping a tentatively-ID'd lecanora and/or ochrolechia genus lichen off of a fallen branch (remember, don't gather lichen when it's still growing! it's very slow growing and easy to overharvest)
to start off, this particular type of dye is made through the ammonia-fermentation method, also known as ammonia maceration. No actual bacterial fermentation occurs though. Rather, the compound orcinol (and precursor compound to orcinols) react with ammonia (N2) and oxygen to form the compound orcein (also called orchil/archil) which is what makes the final dye!
this process takes anywhere from 3 weeks to 16+ weeks depending on the lichen species, its constituent acids, the temperature, and the frequency of aeration.
This batch was set aside for several months and neglected a good bit, but it still works. I strained out the crumbled lichens (which i set aside for later) and diluted it 1:4 as instructed by a very good book called Lichen Dyes: The New Source Book by Karen Diadick Casselman. This book is basically omnipresent everywhere you see lichen dyes mentioned, especially the orcein-based dyes. I also used several websites/videos/papers and such that i've hunted down over various internet crawls.
I use an old coffee pot for this as it's both a non-reactive material (glass) and is built to withstand heat. Ironically i also scraped the lichens off the branch using a tool i made out of a metal band from the broken handle of this same coffee pot!
I decided to dye some eri silk cakes that i fluffed up and scoured. these have been very good at absorbing dye in the past so i would hopefully get a good result from them. As lichens are a substantive dye i don't have to put a mordant on them, but i did soak them in an alum solution just before adding them to the dye bath to hopefully maximize dye uptake as well as improve fastness as lichen dyes are also fugitive and can fade in sunlight.
Substantive dyes contain mordants already embedded in them; fugitive dyes are a bit fuzzy to me but my understanding is they end up trapped in the fiber instead of actually bonding to the fiber in a stronger way. Mordants are used to help the dye "bite" onto the fiber better, improving both fastness (the ability of a due to resist fading from sunlight/washing/time) and the brightness of a color. Alum is useful in that it typically doesn't affect the end color of a dye more than simply making it slightly more strong!
it was pretty successful i'd say! i warmed up the dyebath, added the silk, let it simmer for a few hours, let it cool down overnight, and then warmed it back up the next day for a few hours; then, when it cooled, i took it out, let it dry, then rinsed it, and let it dry a second time. At that point, it was ready for spinning!
It was a lovely pink color that's not fully captured by the camera like most dyes, and eri silk is lovely because you can spin the clouds directly and easily without carding and make lovely relatively threadlike yarn
this was the first skein i got! i love how shiny the silk is. Some dyes can get really purple or even magenta-like!
next, i had the leftover lichens that i had set aside. They were a crumbly texture and dark black and i dried them out, crushed them up more, set them back in a jar, added more ammonia and water, and did the ammonia fermentation method a second time! this was after reading about the method for making french purple, and while this is definitely a very pale imitation of the method, the double-soak is the key feature here
here it is (on the left); it was already way darker purple than an in-progress lichen dye i had yet to crack open and use
speaking of which, heres a shot of various test lichens i had while working on this, you can see the blue-capped jar that has the second-soaked lichens. the foam will often give a preview of whether or not the dye will be red/purple or not!
Here it is, i forget how long i let it soak but i think it was a bit over a week. i strained the material out, diluted it, and then repeated the same warm/cool/warm/cool/dry/rinse/dry method with more eri silk
And below you can see the difference, it's definitely slight but still cool!
the left is from the original dyebath, the right is the second-soaked one. the first one is more salmon-colored while the second is a tad more blue-purpled!
I'm extremely excited about this, these dyes have such a fascinating history and have multiple historical uses everywhere from florentine orchil to norwegian korkje to scottish cudbear and more, and it was often used in tandem with the roman murex/tyrian purple dyes that come from a mussel. Some folks used the lichens to pre-dye the fabric before dyeing with tyrian purple, both to stretch the expensive tyrian purple and to make the end color more vibrant. It's all such a great topic that's mightily confusing and could take up a post of its own, same with the underlying chemistry of what makes these dyes work in the first place!
Anyways that's all for this post, i have more i'm working on involving actually turning these dyes into paint that i'll hopefully turn into a post on its own soon! I've also got other lichen dyes I'm waiting to get through the ammonia fermentation process that will hopefully give other colors, whenever that may be!
#lichen dyes#ammonia fermentaion#handspinning#natural dyes#eri silk#yarnmaking#fiber arts#vegetable dyes#orcinol#art#orcein#archil#crafts#yarn#silk#drop spindle
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Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 24)
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23
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Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo
Words: 3,440
Summary: It's been 15 years since Horacio and Javier brought down Gacha in Tolú, and now they're back where their story began.
Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Brief allusions to period-typical prejudices/politics/legislation, very brief sexual references, smoking, swearing, all the fluff.
Notes: Well....I feel like I should post this with a fanfare or something (just imagine there's one playing), but oh boy, oh man, oh god. I did it. I flipping did it 😭 It's only taken 36 months, copious amounts of blood, sweat and tears, a deranged amount of research, the last shred of my sanity, and probably a fair amount of back/neck pain from sitting at my laptop for too long to get here. But hey, if I don't write a self-indulgent novel-length fix-it fic for a criminally underrated rarepair from a defunct TV show, WHO WILL, I ASK THEE? 😂
I can't fully explain the journey this fic has taken me and my writing on, or the deep love I have in my heart for this ship and the OHDH universe that has lived constantly in my head these last few years. Even when I'm not actively writing, so many things remind me of these two everywhere I go. They got me through the darkest days of the pandemic and somehow became my comfort ship, despite er, certain canon events we don't talk about in this house.
Anyway, I think you've all heard quite enough from me for the time being. So, I will just say thank you so, so, so much to anyone who has read, commented, kudosed, reblogged, liked, sent me messages, made me things, suggested music recs, generally been incredibly supportive and kind ❤️
And thank you to anyone who may stumble across this fic in future. Please never be afraid to leave a comment, even if you're reading several years down the line, I will always love to hear from people about this story.
There will also be some moodboards and playlists posted on my Tumblr at some point (and *maybe* some new - much shorter lol - fics eventually) once I've caught my breath back a bit.
For the final time (unless I randomly think of anything I've forgotten, which is more than likely lol), I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.
Chapter 24: Suerte (Epilogue)
Early evening rays painted the pastel horizon, their last act of the day transforming the shimmering ocean into an inky palate of fuchsia, violet and saffron, the golden sands at the shore still warm to the touch hours past dusk.
Come the weekend, Colombians would travel far and wide to descend on the many beaches, bars and restaurants that dotted the waterfront. Or if they were feeling adventurous, they would birdwatch, dive off the Islas de San Bernardo, or canoe amongst the mangroves.
But it was mid-week and mid-December – when most locals were at work and school or preparing for Christmas. So, for now, Horacio and Javier had the place to themselves.
There was the added bonus of the coastline turning into a dense forest of palm trees just along from their beach house, civilisation a mile or so away on either side of them, so even at peak times, they remained secluded. It had become a daily ritual to luxuriate in the peace and quiet; a pre-dinner swim with no trunks required followed by entwined limbs and sand in their hair as the sun went down.
Today was no exception, the gentle lapping of the waves around them and their shallow breaths the only sounds to be heard, the taste of salt and scent of sun lotion heavy in the air and on their skin as Horacio rocked into Javier, slow and deep, their chests and foreheads drawn together.
It was almost dark when Javier switched on the shower taps, cascading soothing jets over his head, neck and shoulders. As he soaked his hair, the lights from inside the beach house sprung to life, illuminating the outdoor bathroom with an ambient glow. It was a feature of the premium accommodation they had splashed out on, a rare treat away for a special occasion.
The outside space was a mix of wood, tiles and natural stone for the walls and floors, encased by tall plants and trees for extra privacy. A double shower stood on a platform at the end of a walkway, with a large hot tub branching off in the other direction. On their first night here, they had opted for the tub, surrounding it with candles as a belated ode to Día de las Velitas, lost in each other beneath the bubbles and the stars.
A sturdy embrace enveloped Javier from behind, a position they had found themselves in every morning by the shore before breakfast, looking out to a tranquil sea and a kaleidoscopic sky. The day jobs kept them both on their feet and in good shape, although there was more softness around their stomachs, and Javier was stockier than in his younger years. But his upper body was even broader with muscle now.
He was no gym fiend, but he had accompanied Horacio in some of his strengthening training, wanting to keep his stamina up as much as possible. Not just for the obvious but because he was sometimes required to carry the heavier supplies at work and didn’t want to be shown up in front of his largely youthful team.
It was a welcome development to Horacio, whatever the reason. Not that he ever had any complaints before, but watching Javier blossom as he aged was a wonder to behold. Not to mention, there was more of him to enjoy now.
As for Horacio, aside from the sloping curve of his midriff, he was sheer jaguar strength. Not only in the noticeable places, but his core muscles were in peak condition, the daily horse riding improving his posture and taking him back to the drill commands of his cadet years. His skin was more weathered, and his days of being meticulously cleanly shaven at all times were long gone. But Javier assured him – a lot – the ruggedness was part of the appeal.
Javier wasn’t one to talk either, stubble being a more regular feature alongside his moustache nowadays. But that was mainly due to lack of time in his busy schedule rather than preference, so it wasn’t unheard of for Horacio to do the honours for him. For some reason, Horacio delicately scraping a razor blade across his jaw from the comfort of his lap was far more appealing to Javier than doing it himself in front of the bathroom mirror.
Their hair contained more grey patches, especially around the temples, which was easier to hide when they grew it longer. That wasn’t practical during the sweltering heat of a Texan summer, so they kept it shorter in the hotter months. But in the winter, they could run their fingers through choppy waves and coils of curls to their hearts’ content. And luckily for them, their anniversary fell in December.
“Can you believe it’s been 15 years to the day?” Horacio asked, scattering kisses across Javier’s back.
“This doesn’t even feel like the same fucking place, to be honest.”
“Tell me about it.”
Horacio let out a huff as flashbacks of leading his men on a fleet of raiding crafts towards Gacha’s hideout collided with memories from merely days ago of him and Javier island hopping in a hire boat along the same waters. They had taken a platter of fresh seafood and fruit, exploring the remotest beaches and lagoons, where their only company was the local wildlife.
He could still remember the sensation of the blood at his temple as he lay disorientated on the sand in the aftermath of the explosion, a stark contrast to dozing together under the shade of a palm tree or reading aloud to each other the words of Lorca, Gaitán Durán, Arbeláez, Neruda, Paz, Castellanos and Mistral.
“Although, I did notice signs for the barracks towards Coveñas when we were driving here,” Horacio added with a nostalgic smirk.
“Oh yeah? You didn’t want another night there for old times’ sake?” Javier tilted his head until he found Horacio’s lips with his teeth.
Horacio hummed and put up no resistance, his wet hands sailing with ease down Javier’s body, finding purchase at his hip bones. “It was tempting. But I figured you’d want to make the most of this before Christmas.”
“Damn right.”
They took turns massaging shampoo into each other’s scalps, lathering the suds through thick spirals, tenderly pulling at strands until they purred, thoroughly indulging in the sensation whilst they had the chance. And then they did it all again, rinsing off the soap, floating away on the meditative pressure of the faucet and their fingers.
“We could always see if Alejandra has more spa freebies if it gets too much, though,” Javier suggested through the haze of steam now cocooning them.
“I like your thinking.”
It had been a while since they last used such tickets, their previous visits not dissimilar to how their current vacation was playing out. But despite the chaos that would no doubt ensue, they were looking forward to catching up with Horacio’s side of the family. Between expanding businesses in Texas and Manizales and the oldest half of the brood living and working elsewhere now with the twins staying at home studying, they didn’t get to meet up as much as they would have liked.
However, Elena visited Laredo several times, swapping life stories and recipes with Chucho and joining Horacio and Javier in San Antonio one spring for the Fiesta. Her last holiday outside of Colombia had been before Alejandra and Horacio were born, so she was determined to take advantage of having family abroad before age finally caught up with her. There had even been discussions of a trip to Madrid if Horacio and Javier could arrange cover at work the following year.
“Pops is flying out on the 20th, right?”
“Yes. Marco and Raúl are covering the ranch and animals until your father’s back on the 28th. And Jorge is covering the farm until we’re home from Miami in the New Year.”
No one was keen to leave Luna, Sol and Leo, who had long since retired from ranch duties, but between work and Christmas commitments, Connie taking a full-time job in a different hospital, now Olivia was a teenager going on 30, and the earlier-than-expected arrival of Felipe’s and Juana’s second child – Óscar, a little brother to Claudia – New Year was the only time everyone’s schedules matched up.
These days, Luna, whose main residence was the cottage now, Sol and Leo spent most of their time nestled on furniture or looking for treats in the kitchen whenever food was prepared. However, Luna would sometimes still ride in the back of Horacio’s truck and keep him company in the lower fields.
Kira and Fuego had become old pros, showing their younger siblings, Cielo and Tierra, the ropes, not as replacements to the trio but as a new team with their own quirks and personalities. Thankfully, the dogs and Coco had taken well to the pair of barn cats, Churro and Tamale, who patrolled the outbuildings and dealt with any rodent intruders.
Meanwhile, Chucho showed few signs of slowing down, except one summer when he twisted an ankle, and even that was hard work to get him to rest. But he had been happy to step back from some of his more physically demanding responsibilities in recent years, trusting that the ranch and farm were in capable hands. With their expansion plans a resounding success – plus some new ones up their sleeves – he had become more involved in the business side of the operation alongside Miguel.
And, of course, he was always happy to offer Horacio advice whenever needed. But for the most part, he left him to it since Félix’s retirement, preferring to arrange for the guesthouses to be refurbished or to deliver fresh batches of cooking to aid workers and exhausted arrivals alike on the frontline of the border.
“Bet Jorge was as thrilled about that arrangement as my team.”
“Well, we can always delegate to our deputies whenever necessary. One of the perks of being promoted.”
It had taken Horacio five years under Félix’s watchful eye – and decades of experience – to be granted the title of farm manager. Then, Félix had retired the previous year, satisfied he had picked the right man as his successor and Jorge as deputy.
Horacio still had plenty to learn and likely always would with the constant conveyor belt of change to farming methods and technology that landed on his desk each month. However, there was a sense of familiarity with certain parts of the job, like the meetings, the paperwork, and the budget constraints. Except, this time, it all came without the funerals, the upper echelons of the CNP breathing down his neck, and the crushing weight of a country’s future on his shoulders.
“And a holiday on the Caribbean coast was necessary, was it?” Now that Javier’s hair was free from sand and shampoo, he turned to face Horacio, their lips almost touching.
Horacio nodded sagely and closed the gap. “A critical business need.”
------------------------------------------------------
Once dried off, they lay in a hammock in matching white towel robes under the thatched porch of their beach house with a perfect view of the sea, moon and stars.
“So, you like it here?” Horacio asked after a comfortable silence.
“It’s beautiful. I’m glad we came back – to see it how it’s meant to be.”
“Me too. Although, I fear violence will always be a parasite latched onto Colombia. Just when you think it’s gone from one place, it rears its head again in another. Or even the same place twice if you’re unlucky.”
Horacio remembered the stories he had heard from Trujillo in the last couple of years – particularly about Operation Orion. Officially, the incursion on Comuna 13 had been a success by the Colombian military against the likes of FARC. Unofficially, however, there were rumours of a leaked CIA report, disappeared individuals, and collusion between an Army General and none other than Don Berna’s subordinate. It was hard to keep faith that Medellín would ever be free from its past when history had such a predictable habit of repeating itself.
“I know. It feels like one step forward and two steps back in the States, too. Terrorism might be the new bogeyman, but re-branding to ICE and throwing a shitload of money at the DHS hasn’t stopped the drugs and the people finding their way over the border.”
Javier had heard directly from Steve about the shift in his job role since 9/11. Overnight, Steve’s whole department was removed from their current caseloads and signed up for every counter-terrorism and narco-terrorism course under the sun. It was now customary for DEA agents to be redeployed to the FBI as intelligence analysts if resources required. And if their eyes and ears were pulled away from the drug traffickers, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the consequences.
Meanwhile, in Texas, if anything, people only took graver risks in the wake of a beefed-up Border Patrol. Javier had spent a lot of the past year helping to set up new aid teams in Arizona and New Mexico, the inhospitable conditions of the desert not enough of a deterrent to stop families trying their luck or handing over their life savings to coyotes who didn’t care whether they made it across alive.
“But small things can add up to change. Bit by bit,” Javier added. “And at least they can’t arrest us for fucking in our own home anymore.”
“True. Not that the law stopped us before...” Horacio nuzzled against Javier’s neck before making a move to get up.
They may have joked in the here and now, but it wasn’t a change they took for granted. In fact, Luz and Carla had even persuaded Javier to attend a protest or two and pay bond and legal fees for those who had been arrested. After all, he’d had plenty of experience exchanging money for people’s freedom.
When news of the Supreme Court decision spread, it was another weight off their backs and one less reason to look over their shoulders, a chance to permanently put to bed memories of being spied on during such unguarded sacred moments. It was the final line to be drawn under those dark years, not to erase them because that was impossible. But it was, at least, closure.
Their cigarette was almost done, and Horacio had left the opened pack on the kitchen counter. Once retrieved, he took out another and leaned into Javier across the hammock, pressing the tip of his unlit cigarette against the lit one until it sparked.
“But you’re right,” Horacio continued, holding Javier’s gaze between exhaling a plume of smoke. He balanced on the edge of the hammock, just enough to stop it tipping sideways. “Things can change. But only if we want them to.” He perched their new cigarette between his lips as he reached into the pocket of his robe.
Their first cigarette was little more than a stub, so Javier stooped down to the ashtray on the floor to extinguish it. Once he sat up again, a small cubed box was presented into his spare hand.
Javier stared at the black box and blew out remnants of smoke, eyeing Horacio with an unreadable expression, an unspoken question and answer lingering between them and the mist of tobacco.
He prised open the box to reveal a ring of plain silver. Or, so he thought at first glance. But as he raised it towards the moon, the iridescent light caught on the inner band to reveal an inscription.
Suerte que encontré a mi media naranja.
(Lucky that I found my soulmate.)
“Fuck, Horacio…” Javier’s voice was strained, and his words came out as little more than a whisper. He held the ring between his thumb and forefinger, letting the ethereal reflection from above capture each word.
Horacio watched every shift in Javier’s face with bated breath and a dry throat, his limbs lead and weightless all at once.
“The world’s changing around us,” Horacio said at last; swallowing his nerves and summoning his courage. “But no matter what the law or courts say in any state or country, this can mean whatever we want it to mean.”
Javier’s jaw worked back and forth, his teeth clamping down on the inside of his cheeks. But it was no use, and he let out a trembling scoff, an attempt to distract from the shining pupils he finally confronted Horacio with.
And then a broad smile crept across Javier’s features, his palm connecting with Horacio’s cheek before he plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a drag. “Pass me my jeans.”
It took Horacio a moment to process Javier’s request. Of all the responses he had prepared for – the good and the bad – that hadn’t been on his list, funnily enough. With narrowed eyes and pursed lips, he complied and fetched the jeans that had been flung over a sun lounger when they stripped off to swim earlier. Apparently, regardless of how humid the climate in Tolú became, denim remained a reliable staple of Javier’s wardrobe.
“Check my left pocket.”
Whatever Javier was up to, Horacio was torn between intrigue and irritation at Javier’s temerity to issue orders despite leaving him hanging. But he did as he was told, and in an instant, everything made sense.
“I can always take it back if you’d prefer…”
But Horacio was already opening the near-identical box, and any teasing faded to white noise as he came face-to-face with the gold equivalent of his own proposal.
“Hold it up to the light.”
The night sky was brighter now, making it easier for the inscription to be revealed.
Mi amor, mi vida, mi hogar, mi vaquero. Siempre tuyo.
(My love, my life, my home, my cowboy. Yours always.)
It was Javier’s turn to observe, and it didn’t take long for Horacio to raise a brow in his direction, shooting him a look of feigned exasperation that only came with the territory of a relationship as enduring as theirs.
“What?” Javier said with disingenuous innocence and a vulpine smile.
It was a contagious kind of smile, one that reminded Horacio they were equals in this and that he shouldn’t have been surprised Javier had the same idea.
“I take it my mother showed you her ring?”
“On my first visit to Manizales. It was beautiful. And so’s this.”
“As is this.”
“I like to think I put my own spin on it.”
“You did.”
They sat side-by-side on the hammock, legs facing towards each other with the rings held in their outstretched hands.
Javier’s thumb slid across Horacio’s left palm, tracing patterns over new callouses born from hard labour rather than war. He circled his wrist, waiting for the familiar rhythm but finding a beat that was, unsurprisingly, drumming quicker than usual.
After subduing with his touch, Javier retrieved the gold band, gliding it carefully onto Horacio’s ring finger, easing it over the knuckle until it rested snugly at the base.
They sat transfixed, marvelling at the light dancing across it as Horacio’s thumb ran back and forth over the curved surface in fascination.
Horacio repeated the ritual of mapping Javier’s left hand, lacing their fingers together as a tangible reminder of their bond. Their devotion. Their vow. Their choice. Whether the law honoured it one day or not.
He picked up the silver to his gold, shimmying it along Javier’s ring finger and passing beyond the slight resistance at his knuckle. Not too much force, but firm enough for it to sink perfectly into place.
With palms connected and fingers interlocked, their foreheads met, chests rising and falling in tandem.
“Te amo tanto, Javier.”
“Yo también te amo. Tanto, Horacio. Tanto.” Javier whispered, over and over in Horacio’s ear like a prayer – their prayer – before brushing his lips above Horacio’s brow, the bridge of his nose, both cheeks and down to his mouth, creating their own sign of the cross with each kiss. A new beginning and a welcome home.
They untied their robes and collapsed onto the hammock in a tangle of limbs, silver and gold melding at their chests and hands; their past, present and future as inseparable as their hearts, bodies and souls.
With one smooth motion, Horacio pinned Javier’s arms down into the netting of the hammock, a dark, hungry gaze passing between them as cool metal fused with hot skin.
15 years and several lifetimes may have gone by. But when Horacio had the man he loved, the man who loved him, his media naranja, underneath him, only one word ran through his head. Mine.
Old habits die hard, he supposed.
#Narcos fic#Narcos#Javier Peña#Horacio Carrillo#Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo#Pedro Pascal#Maurice Compte#Narcos fanfic#Narcos fanfiction#Narcos fan fic#My Fan Fic#My Narcos Fic
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Diary entry 16.03.2024
I feel so guilty after eating like holly fuck can this stop? I eat so healthy why my brain is doing this shit to me.
I felt tired after working out, my mussels where weak and so I went out, bought myself my fav drink (non alcoholic ofc lol, just juice) and came back home, cooked an amazing dinner. I topped it with some fresh smoked fish from a fishermen. So literally I couldn't do better. But my mind is screaming: WHY DID YOU EAT FISH?! WHY DID YOU ADD CHEESE. YOU SHOULD CUT DOWN ON YOUR PORTION SIZE.
Like God damn, chill tf. I want to work out daily but this attitude will make me miserable. I want to build a bit of strength so to be able to do a pushup but I just get so anxious about food. I think it's because a lot of shit has been going on for the past few months and I've been struggling so much with life on its own. I feel miserable. I feel unwanted, not good enough and that I must fake everything to be accepted.
I hate it, I'm so scared od future and what my life will bring. I know that I will manage to do things in life but on the other hand I am unsure. I'm afraid that I'm going to remember this relapse forever. I'm afraid that it will be the biggest one yet. My only hope is that when the summer comes, it will be easier on me. That I will manage to recover but right now I'm afraid.
Food control is the only thing that is left for me in this life. I wish I could be happier, but I always wanted to fit into this world. I know I don't have to, since if I was born that means I fit in since I am human and humans deserve to eat and live. But I don't feel that way. I don't know why I keep relapsing, why am I so deep into this disorder right now.
I think it was caused by fear of my mistakes finally catching up with me, never feeling supported by my family, being neglected by everyone for so long and feeling sad in long distance relationship. Even though it's not really a long distance relationship, he spends half the year with me but oh well... I've never been in such loving and amazing relationship where I am seen for who I am. But it breaks me every time he leaves for work. First few hours are unimaginably painful, I know that I'll see him in 5-8 weeks. It's almost two months. And I miss him through that time. Each day I miss him, and each day I want him back. I still carry on living, doing my stuff but I feel tired, often sad and unwilling to do anything more than needed. There are weeks where stepping out of my bed are almost impossible. I feel so out of control. I feel left alone by everyone. I barley have any friends. My family is fucked up.
My mother will only notice me when I get good grades or if I've learned something that is in her interests. Oh and if I agree on some socio-political topic with her. Then she's proud of me. But she hasn't told me that she loves me in over 7 years now. It breaks my heart and soul. I've done so much for her approval over all these years and I was never good enough. The last time she told me that she loves me was after my su1cid3 attempt. My father? He's an alcoholic. I can't bond with him because almost always he had a drink or more. So it's alcohol speaking through him, not him himself. Every relationship I have with my family is fake because I don't trust them. They have went over my back over and over again and made me feel that it was all my fault.
I was overweight, just slightly and it was when I was a teen. I was 13-16 years old. Through those years they made me lose weight but only by saying that I am fat and I must lose weight. That I have a pretty face and it's a shame that I have such a big body. Those words hurt me like hell. I still feel this deep, sharp feeling in my chest when I go back to those memories. I had to walk on eggshells through all these years I lived with my parents. I moved out soon after I turned 18 and I never wanted to go back. Even though that by moving out I was being abused by my ex boyfriend.
I hold a grudge. I know that. I was a child that was mistreated for so long. I wanted to d1e at the age of 12. That's fucked up. My parents were so mad at me that I was depressed that I got no help. Only when I was 14 and almost d1ed something has changed for a second. After few months everything went back to how things were. As if it was my problem that I couldn't handle constant shouting at me for the stupidest shit. I started to zoom out, daily I wash going through out-of-the-body experience. Stress levels where so high that I stared having panic episodes and I felt that I don't have control, that I don't have privacy and I must do as my mother says.
When it's time to eat, I had to eat, when it was time to study I must have studied, when it was time to sleep I couldn't do anything else just sleep. She would daily monitor everything in my life. And I wanted to break free.
So I relapsed at the age of 16/17 and lost an alarming amount of weight in the smallest period of time. I wanted to k1ll myself again and only the thought of my friend has saved me that night. Because I knew I was important to her. But because of my soon-to-be boyfriend (at that time) I lost her. He has isolated me to have full control of me. He was approximately 7 years older than me. He was finishing his master's degree and buying his own place. I was still in highschool. I am now so terrified by that man. Why has he found me attractive? I was a fucking child.
So my abuse continued. I'm still processing those years of my past relationship. Each time I think of him I feel betrayed. I loved him, he was everything to me. He wanted me sick, he wanted me to "look at him as if he was God himself". And these are his words. I'm so glad that I woke up. That I saw him for who he truly is. An abuser, narcissist and sociopath. Someone with such a big ego that it's unbearable. He saw me by his own prism. I was just an accessory to him. Someone he had exclusively to please him exactly how he wanted.
Now I understand why I am afraid of so many things. But I don't know how to fix those fears. I want to be the best person for myself but I don't know how to do that.
#tw ana diary#ana trigger#ed not ed sheeran#pro a4a#skinnni#anarex14#sk1nny aesthetic#tw ed sheeran#ed disorder#thinspø
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Dear future self... February 12, 2024
It's been a seriously busy week & weekend. Let's recap..
Monday last week Danny put charlie down. That was a sad day, I wasn't sure how it was going to hit me, but when I saw Cody's stories, I crumbled and cried a lot of the day.
Tuesday went for lunch with Chrystal for our work department christmas party. Then went to Canadian brewhouse with a group to watch the oilers/knights game. Kamber, tyson, shane, amber & naythan, it was a lot of fun. Man i love amber, I shit talked her a lot & Knights won so that was fun, killed their 16 winning streak so she wasn't too pleased of course.
Wednesday I went to a little pub with Callum Domke, grade 4 friend because we had matched on bumble & thought it would be funny to catch up after 20+ years. He was the same & it wasn't awkward at all. It was funny, we just talked about life & everything & had a lot of good laughs, it was a nice wholesome night. Thursday I relaxed. Friday I went to Bottlescrew bills with Corey, or we started our night there. We were supposed to play cornhole but they didn't have any games so we had some food & then walked over to Craft. We chatted for hours, we didn't even end up playing a game we just talked constantly which was really nice. I got to know him a lot better & see a much more deeper side to him. He's really smart. His past is interesting, he's a bit more of a party boy than I wished, but he's also turning 35 next month. We went back to his place around midnight probably to play overcooked. I had opened up a lot about my past with him & he did too. I think it connected us a lot deeper & he had said he struggled with depression to. He said he's told me more things than most people know about him which was kind of nice. Overcooked was hilarious, we had so much fun. Honestly he makes me laugh so hard. I felt like I was flirting with him a lot & trying to hint at him. Finally at like 2 or 3am I think i jokingly said he hurt my feelings & he asked how he could make it up to me which is when I got super shy. He obviously knew & kissed me. It was pretty hot if I'm being honest. He's a really good kisser. He said earlier in the night that he loved my smile & my eyes so it was great to know he was attracted to me lol. i ended up staying over but nothing happened, we just cuddled & he was very respectful that I didn't want to do anything further. We cuddled a lot which was nice, & I think we passed out around 5am. I was up way too early & kind of laid & tossed for a bit till 10:30am. I felt like I was intruding a bit & didn't want to over stay my welcome, but he had said he didnt want to get up yet & pulled me in to cuddle him. Which we cuddled & talked till about 12:30. It was honestly just a really sweet wholesome night & morning. He still didn't try to take advantage of me which was great. He made me coffee & we had a relaxing hour before I thought i should go home at like 2pm. I went home & spent time with nova for a while. Then went to Waterhole to meet Drew for dinner. I didn't know what to expect really, I was nervous for sure. I'm not sure if he was nervous too, but our conversation isn't the best & that's why I didn't think it was going to be a long night. The first part was a bit bumpy & I wasn't sure. He's just not good at keeping a conversation going. He's super attractive though & has a good head on his shoulders. Actually to the point of being someone that I've been interested in & looking for. We talked a lot about red flags & what we were looking for in a relationship etc. We hung out till about 8pm ish though so 3 hours, it felt pretty good by the end of it & when we walked outside he said he wanted to see me again & I laughed asking if I checked off some boxes. He texted me later that he did want to go on another date so that was nice to hear.
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Reality bites
It's been a long time since I last updated this blog. Moving forward, my goal is to do weekly updates accompanied with the occasional video footage.
First, let me update you on recent developments:
I transferred to Ga State: I was originally taking classes online at West Ga but found that it was perhaps more difficult to do remote classes, especially when they're self-taught.
I was denied admission to Ga Tech: I found out today, unfortunately. Luckily it's not the end of the world, and I plan on reapplying in a year, but it does suck a little.
I failed Calc II...yeah.
I'm retaking Physics I: I'm going to be frank--I technically passed this class but I actually failed. Literally. I got a D of some sort and my teacher bumped my grade to a C to keep from failing me. No, I didn't ask her to do this. And yes, I'm sure I actually got a D.
My grades are less than stellar, but I am confident I will hit my stride soon. The truth is that I don't know how to learn and dedicate myself fully to something. I procrastinate. A lot. I struggle to focus. I struggle to understand. None of this is new, but I've been able to successfully avoid this reality by submerging my head into a book all day, hyper focusing on the fictional lives of mermaids, superheroes, and high school underdogs.
But, I refuse to let that get me down or stop me. In roughly 2 weeks I'll be moving downtown. The place I found is a summer sublease, but I'm hoping to solidify the move by finding a place to rent permanently. Over the summer, I'm:
Taking Physics I and Calc I again: It's important to solidify the basics and I'm determined to do just that.
Working 20hrs/week in the lab: Fortunately, I still work in the lab. I'm taking 28 days off this month to recoup after last semester and move, but I'll be starting back the week I move.
Working 35hrs/week at my other job: This job pays the bills and tuition(s) so I'm glad to have it and be able to work so many hours!
Taking cello lessons: Finally! I'm so excited! My goal is to take two 45m-1h lessons a week, but I'm still working on confirming this.
Taking ballet classes: They're AOD classes. I would be lying if I didn't say I'm less thrilled by that fact, but that's all that's available when you're starting past the age of 15-16.
Starting a youtube channel? The verdict's still out to be honest.
In my last post, I mentioned wanting to get lean, fit, flexible, and build up strength. I did take up running (although I stopped in Mar-Apr but have resumed) and lost 12.5lbs last time I checked. I'm not yet where I want to be but I'm making good progress. My stretching habit did fall off, but I'm trying to get back on top of everything. My mind is so cluttered and easily overwhelmed that it can be pretty hard, but I'm trying...
Talk soon x
Giandie
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Walking Through Memories Part 3
By the time I was 16 years old I was living in a house with 5 - 6 others and my son. We partied at night and then I tried to stay awake and above the curve in high school. It was a crazy time filled with pot, pills and different men in and out because we were all so emotionally damaged that we self sabotaged every relationship we had.
We started rescuing the young ones; who like us had been dumped out on the streets by parents, foster parents and adopted parents. We just couldn't let them go through what we had.
We thought we had finally gotten free of that life. We were only fooling ourselves.
The night terrors came often and we learned to cope with them by self medicating ourselves. Crystal to stay up to work, go to school and to party. Valium, ludes and codeine to come down and sleep without the terrors.
We never considered that we were running from a past we would never be able to leave behind. It showed it's damage in so many ways, unwillingness to get close t o other people. Self sabotaging relationships when we did. Drug and alcohol dependency. When we did get in a serious relationship it was always with someone as broken and damaged we were.
I was married 3 times; the first to a drug and gunrunner who was hooked up with some very dangerous people. It lasted 7 years and gave me a daughter I couldn't bond with. My son was 12 when she was born and I let him move to a friend's in KY so he could go to an elite science academy. I thought I would die when I drove away but I pledged when he was born that he'd have a better life than I did and this was the way.
The marriage lasted about 5 years and I remarried in less than 6 months. This one was a gambler and a cheat. I had another son with him who I loved more than life itself. He had some serious health issues. a stroke at 3 days old and another at almost 4 months. The stress from that and me pushing him away constantly ended that relationship. The last one lasted less than 6 months. He got addicted to crack and the stripper across the street. No fixing him or that relationship.
As I'm writing this I am now 60 and still in therapy. I just started getting my life together at 45. The fear of the unknown as opposed to the fear of known kept me stuck for a long time. I am now taking CBT therapy and my therapist is wonderful. (Always has a full box of Kleenex) I am beginning to accept some things but still have a ways to go. There were so many things in my life I wasn't responsible for happening. Although I've always took all the shame, blame and guilt on myself regardless
That's a lot for a 60 year old to live with. It was unbearable for a 6 year old,
I stopped self medicating years ago but this is one of those things you learn as a throwaway. It numbs the pain and just for those few hours you forget where you've been and how you grew up but never the faces of your rapists. They will stay in your subconscious forever. The pushing people away that I learned; I'm an expert at it now. It seems to be the hardest habit to break. I have my sons and my one friend an then there is by daughter and grandsons. I haven't seen them in years now. I was fantastic with the grandsons but not so good with my daughter. My therapist says it's because I feared abandoning her...I'm not sure on that but I do know we never bonded.
This is the 3rd and last part of my story this far. I don't know what the rest of my life will bring me but it will be better than my earlier years.
So please parents, adopted parents and foster parents think about my story before you decide to abandon your own child. The streets are no place for a child to grow up. It is a good place for them to be tortured, raped and abused in more ways than you could ever imagine . I don't believe any parent could do this knowing what their child's fate would be .
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Tales of the ring | Orphan! Jay AU Part 1
Pairings: Jay x Reader
Genre: fluff, angst, eventual smut, age gap (4 years)
Warnings: suggestive content, messy timeline
Synopsis: You've spent most of your lives together at a Catholic orphanage in a small town, with Jay being left there as an infant and you volunteering there since you were thirteen years old. Now twenty-three, every child in the orphanage looks up to you as their older sister. Well, except for that one stubborn kid named Jay.
You always tend to his cuts and bruises when he fell down after climbing on trees with his friends, but not after a long hour of bickering.
"Stop climbing trees if you're just gonna fall down!" You scold 9-year old Jay as you rummaged through the first aid kit.
"Just shut up and fix me up, woman." He demands, his arms crossed over his chest. You sigh.
"I'm just worried about you, okay? You could've broken a bone or something!" You reasoned with him. His eyes turns into slits, glaring at you.
"Are you calling me a wimp?" He challenges. Though it never crossed your mind, the thought of calling him a wimp was indeed amusing. You tried to suppress your laughter but it came out as a snort.
"Hey, I'm not a wimp. Drop it." Jay says, almost coming out as a whine. You nod, trying to calm yourself down from wanting to laugh. Cause you know Jay's going to end you if he even hears anything close to a giggle come out from your lips.
_
"Still as wimpy as ever, huh?" You teased him as you disinfected his wounded knees. He was sitting on the couch with you kneeled infront of him, and 16 year old Jay just can't seem to take his eyes off you.
Your lower lip is caught in between your teeth as you concentrated on his cuts, and Jay licks his own lips unconsciously.
At 20 years old, you have grown to be quite a lady, Jay notes. Beautiful, luscious hair that complimented the perfect features of your face, your body slightly plump in some places which gave you that womanly figure, dainty and gentle hands that cared for his wounds, any man would think of you as wife material. And Jay couldn't help but huff in annoyance at the thought of other men wanting you for themselves.
"And you're still as annoying as ever." He mutters before he pinched your cheeks hard, making you yelp in pain and involuntarily putting pressure on the cotton ball you were dipping onto his wound. Soon after, you were both crying from pain.
"How could you." He said in betrayal, clutching his wounded knee.
You always chased after him around the orphanage when he had a fever to make him take his medicine when he refused to drink them, dragging him by the back of his shirt to his room to make him rest.
"You can't just pull a stunt like that when I'm fixing up your cuts you dummy." You glared at him, massaging your reddened cheek.
_
"I don't want to stay in bed, woman. I wanna play outside!" 11-year old Jay huffs in annoyance, kicking off the blanket you've just placed on his body. You sighed and placed it back on him.
"Bold of you to call me a woman after I've just wrestled you at the lobby earlier." 15-year old you chuckled, remembering what you had to go through to make him go back to his room.
"Don't remind me, you were like a freaking hippo back there! Geez." Jay scrunches his nose and turns his back to you.
_
"You insufferable woman." He mutters as you tuck him into his bed. 18-year old Jay was just as irritable as ever, but only when it came to you.
"Yeah yeah." You rolled your eyes at him dismissively as you placed a cold compress to his forehead. He's such a big baby.
"Stop being a jerk for once and learn to take care of yourself, will you?" You scold him, leaning in to fix the position of his pillow. Jay's heartbeat goes nuts, with your body so close above him. He could just grab you by the waist then and there and hold you tight. Your feminine scent was so alluring, filling up his senses, your skin translucent in the moonlight shining through the windows and he even caught a glimpse of your cleavage through your thin, white dress shirt.
Shit, shit, shit. He thinks, fisting his blanket tightly. His cheeks glowed crimson red, but thankfully you thought it was just because of the fever.
_
Rest assured, Jay wasn't all that bad as others make him out to be, and you strongly believe this. You remember that one night, it was your fourteenth birthday but you didn't bother telling anyone. You didn't want to burden the sisters, and your family didn't care much about it either. But Jay did. He cared, and he remembered.
You sat on the roof, your secret hiding place, as you admired the starry sky. But it's not really a secret when Jay knows about it. The ten year old boy climbed up, grunting as he struggled keeping his balance. You flinched at the sound and panicked, but it immediately died down when you saw it was just him. He quietly sat beside you.
Silence took over as you sighed in content, taking in the peaceful evening.
"Happy birthday." Jay said, almost a whisper. Your head turns to him and he immediately looks the other way, refusing to meet your eyes.
"Thank you, Jay." You said in gratitude, not bothering to hide your smile. He still refused to look your way as he held out his fist.
"What is it?" You asked in confusion, furrowing your eyebrows at his closed hand. He sighs, taking your hand in his as he placed something cold and hard on your palm.
"It's for you." He says. You gasped, taking in the shiny object encrusted with tiny jewels that glinted in the moonlight.
"Jay, where did you get this?" You ask him, bewildered.
"The sisters said they found that ring in my pocket when they found me outside the door of the orphanage the night that they took me in. It's my most precious possession. In fact, it's my only possession." He says, laughing lightly as he looked up at the sky.
"Must be an heirloom, maybe you came from a wealthy family! Jay, I can't accept this. This is important to you!" You exclaimed, holding the ring back to him.
You're important to me. He thinks.
"Maybe, but they've left me here haven't they?" He simply shrugs.
"But why give it to me?" You asked, holding the ring close to your chest. Jay rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue.
"Hey, no more questions. I gave it to you as a birthday gift, so you better treasure it. Good night." He says and prepares to climb down, leaving you dumbfounded.
_
At nineteen, Jay was the oldest at the orphanage. He never got adopted, and younger kids would pick on him because of it.
"You never got adopted because your a weirdo."
"They can probably sense that you're useless."
But Jay being Jay, he'd beat them up everytime just because their faces annoy him. And you'd be the one to ask for forgiveness for his sake everytime he got in trouble. You knew him well enough to know that although he'd never admit it out loud, seeing other kids like Jungwon and Sunoo get adopted while he gets left behind hurt him more than it should.
"I'm very sorry for Jay's actions, please don't send him away." You begged to the Mother Superior's feet, and Jay couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Not of you, but of himself for having you go through all this for him.
"Noona, please you don't have to do this." He tells you softly, for once as he tries pulling you up to your feet but you just won't budge.
"I'm sorry Y/N, I know you have grown quite close to Jay for the past ten years. But he is now of legal age he can't just keep hurting minors." The mother superior, which is the head of the orphanage states.
"Jay promises he won't do it again, please." You continue to plead, at this point you were so close at kissing the sister's feet if that'll make them forgive Jay.
"What, when did I promised—." He says and you signal him to shut up. The sisters sigh, and decide to just punish Jay by making him work at the farm for a month. You thank them over and over, tears welling in your eyes.
"Y/N, may I have a word with you. Jay, you may retire to your room." The mother superior instructs. Jay looks at you hesitantly, before leaving.
"Have a seat." She commands you, and you oblige.
"What is it that you wanted to talk about?" You asked.
"Listen, dear. You're now twenty-three years old, you are at your ripest age of getting married. Not only that, but you're also one of the most beautiful maidens of this town. You can't spend your life at this orphanage forever. Won't you consider settling down soon?" She suggests, and you felt a lump in your throat, your heart feeling unease.
"That's alright, Mother Superior. I'm only twenty-three, I still have a lot to figure out in my life. When a man does take interest in me, I'll decide then." You assure her, and stand up to leave.
The next days, you'd wake up early to prepare breakfast for the kids and for Jay before he heads off to the farm. Jay being the stubborn boy he is, refuses to sit down and have breakfast and so on most days, you'd chase after him to bring him his breakfast and lunch box. He'd purposely walk faster, ignoring your shouts. A smirk never leaving his face.
"Jay! Jay! Wait!" You yelled, chasing your breath as you continued to run after him. But your quick steps were no match for his long strides.
"Jay you freaking dimwit! Haaaaalt!" You yell at the top of your lungs with all your might, and he finally stops in his tracks, turning to look at you.
"Oh, you've been calling for me? Did you need something?" He asks, feigning ignorance that you've been shouting his name for a good fifteen minutes. You huff, stomping towards him angrily. His face smug the whole time.
Others would think you're ready to punch him in the face, but instead you would take his hand and place his boxed meal there. You sigh.
"Take care of yourself, okay? And finish everything I packed for you." You say. Jay simply rolls his eyes and waves a hand at you dismissively.
"Yeah yeah, just don't go missing me too much." He teases, suppressing a smile. You scoffed, punching his shoulder lightly.
"Damn right, I wont." You stuck your tongue at him before waving him goodbye, running back to the orphanage.
As you walked back, you notice a fancy carriage parked in front of the orphanage. Many people were gathered around, gossiping.
"The crown prince has selected candidates to be his wife."
"Now that the queen has passed away, the prince must choose his bride in order to ascend to the throne."
"Oh what a lucky girl she must be."
You slip through the crowd of people, successfully making your way inside.
"Oh here she is now." Mother Superior introduces you to the men in fancy clothing, and you stood their dumbfounded.
"She is a beauty indeed." The men agreed to themselves.
"What exactly is happening?" You whisper to the Mother Superior.
"They came here for you, my child. You have been selected by the prince to become a candidate of being his wife. I've already had your suitcases ready, they will take you to the palace now. And don't worry, I've already informed your parents and they are more than happy and wished you the best."
Everything was happening so fast, it's like everything's been decided for you. And amidst the chaos in your mind, you could only think of one person. Jay.
"What about Jay, I haven't said goodbye—" You pleaded to the old woman to let you see Jay one last time but the footmen has announced your departure to the palace. You choked on your tears as pain burned through your chest, clutching Jay's ring to your chest as you were brought further and further away from the place you called home all your life.
Jay plowed the soil over and over, sweat trickling down his neck and forehead. The sun is high and the heat is a pretty tough companion.
"Jay! Jay!" Jay's friend, Sunghoon called his name, sprinting towards him as if his life depended on it. Sunghoon was one of the orphan kids who got adopted recently, whose home was only a few blocks away from the orphanage. Jay halted his work, placing the tool beside him.
"Haven't seen you in a while, what brings you here?" He raises his eyebrow. Sunghoon holds onto his knees as he catches his breath, before uttering words that shattered Jay's heart into pieces.
"No, it can't be." He refuses to believe it, shaking his head aggressively as tears welled in his eyes. It felt as if he was pierced so deeply in the chest with a dagger, so agonizingly painful.
"It is true, they took Y/N to the palace to become the prince's bride. It's been the talk of the town all morning." Sunghoon is sad for his friend, knowing his feelings for her all along.
"No! Y/N wouldn't do that, she wouldn't leave just like that. No." Jay cried and ran his way back to the orphanage, leaving his belongings behind.
He enters the orphanage, screaming for your name.
"Noona? Noona! I'm here, I'm here now. Noona? Where are you?" He kept on calling for you, his voice breaking as tears blurred his vision. The sisters tried to calm him down but he shoved their hands away from him.
"No! It can't be, she couldn't have left. Please tell me she didn't leave, please." Jay crumbled as he called your name over and over in agony. He begged for everything to be just some sick joke, a prank you planned to get back at him for always being so mean to you.
"Y/N." He choked out before everything spiraled infront of him and went black.
#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen au#kpop imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen smut#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen jay#enhypen jay park#enhypen jay fluff#enhypen jay angst#enhypen jay smut#enhypen jay au#enhypen jay imagine#park jeongseong
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Hi KC readers,
We have decided to create a list of KC stories that were updated during the week which we plan to share every Friday. This is one of the ways we plan to promote different KC authors and stories in our community.
For our first weekly releases, we have collected stories on FFN and AO3 that were updated during the week of April 16 - April 10! We hope you enjoy the new stories.
Happy reading!
FFN
He's got you mesmerised (while i die)
Author: klavscaroline
Rating: T
Length: Drabble
Summary: You gave him your sweater, it's just polyester. But you like him better a.k.a. unrequited carolijah (high school au)
Date of update: April 10 2021
Klaus POV - The Trouble with Spells (chapter 20)
Author: ilovetf
Rating: M
Length: Multi Chapter
Summary: The Trouble with Spells as seen through Klaus's eyes and his POV. Over the years, people kept liking this story and some even asked for Klaus POV, so I decided to give it a try. Hope you enjoy it. All feedback is more than welcome. Good or bad.
Date of update: April 10 2021
Black Roses (Chapter 29)
Author: xKlaroStylesx
Rating: M
Length: Multi Chapter
Summary: Vampires, witches and werewolves are welcomed at the Whitmore Academy for the Supernaturally Gifted but that doesn't mean they all welcome each other. Ambitious student witch Caroline Forbes shares a mutual loathing with arrogant yet mysterious vampire Klaus Mikaelson. A spiral of events occur when their two dueling worlds collide and a life changing connection is formed.
Date of update: April 13 2021
Our darkest moments (Chapter 8)
Author: CookieDuo
Rating: M
Length: Multi Chapter
Summary: Discovering her entire life has been a lie, Caroline is determined to find out the truth and travels to the small town Mystic Falls in search of answers. Meanwhile, in the woods outside of Mystic Falls, a "monster" prays on unsuspecting young woman. In time the connection between the two becomes clear... Dark Klaroline!
Date of update: April 14 2021
A Failed Sacrifice (Chapter 3)
Author: CookieDuo
Rating: M
Length: Multi Chapter
Summary: She ruined the sacrifice to save her own life, and in order to survive she turned to the only other vampire who'd been able to survive the wrath of Klaus Mikaelson. She gets away, and learns from the master, but when Klaus eventually catches up to her, her life will never be the same again.
Date of update: April 16 2021
AO3
Always Finding Trouble
Author: Cupcakemolotov
Raiting: M
Length: Drabble
Summary: Assassins in love were so cliche, but here she was. Married, even.
Date of update: April 10 2021
In Your Hands
Author: ThrowMeAStory
Raiting: E
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: 4x16 au, Part 6. The date.
Date of update: April 10 2021
The blood in your mouth
Author: perfectpro
Raiting: T
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: After Liz Forbes's untimely death, Caroline finds herself at the helm of her mother's empire. She's been trained for this role, but Klaus Mikaelson is a man she hadn't known to expect.
Date of update: April 10 2021
I AM SORRY BABY 2
Author: wincefish16
Raiting: Not rated
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: CONTINUATION OF I AM SORRY BABY. THIS WILL FOCUS ON KLAUS'S CHEMO AND THE PROBLEMS THAT COME WITH IT.
Date of update: April 11 2021
Give Me A Sign (Chapter 2)
Author: PumpkinDoodles
Raiting: M
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Caroline Forbes is happy that she left founders' parties, competition over guys she'd known since elementary school, and even Mystic Falls itself behind years ago. She's not second-best to Elena anymore. Even Liz would be proud of her new life working on the side of the law. Mostly. (If you need to compel someone into giving up stolen goods, is it really a crime?). Of course he's the one person from her past who comes looking for her. Klaus does that.
Date of update: April 11 2021
The Wolf II (Chapter 31)
Author: Yokan
Raiting: E
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: The Guerreras' threat still looms over the Mikaelson house as Caroline tries to adapt to life as a vampire, away from her daughter. But an unexpected family reunion makes everything worse, taking away the little peace Klaus, Caroline and Elijah managed to find after the war that nearly broke them. [It's The Originals Season 2, but Caroline was a witch, had Klaus' baby and now she's a vampire. Klaroline, obviously.]
Date of update: April 11 2021
A smutty anniversary (Chapter 5)
Author: kcatdino
Raiting: E
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Caroline and Klaus celebrate 3 months together with a day full of smut.
Date of update: April 11 2021
One of a Kind, Two of a Kind, or the Three Musketeers (Chapter 9)
Author: Phandancee74
Raiting: T
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Caroline recognizes how hard it is for Elena to be a doppelgänger, her fate predestined as well as her face. It's pretty tough being the last of your kind too though, and Caroline is determined to protect them both, with some very helpful Bennetts on their side. A fic that integrates Malivore and the larger supernatural universe into TVD from the start.
Date of update: April 11 2021
Humanity (Chapter 8)
Author: FandomizedArtist
Raiting: Not rated
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Now with the power of an Original vampire Lucien had everything, everything except his complete revenge on the all mighty Klaus Mikaelson. With the help of a witch he had tracked down the only woman who in thousands of years Klaus had fallen in love with. Miss Caroline Forbes. Adding her name to his list of evil todo’s he created the plan to kidnap, drain the vervain and compel the newbie vampire to be his. In this fanfiction Klaus does have hope but Caroline did not have Alaric’s twins.
Date of update: April 12 2021
Magics Miracle (Chapter 5)
Author: 1Jemmagirl22
Raiting: T
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Caroline is in Paris with out her humanity after the death of her mother. It seems her friends aren't happy with her new state so they inform the one person capable of turning her emotions back on. Klaus. When a prophecy about a second Tribrid comes about in New Orleans, shock to sweeps through the city. It seems nature doesn't consider Hope such an abomination after all as an even greater one is about to be created. The hands of power are changing and when they're done even the worlds most powerful witches won't be able to stop it.
Date of update: April 12 2021
We are young (Chapter 11)
Author: kcatdino
Raiting: T
Lenght: One shots
Summary: Basically, Klaroline flirt in front of their kids who they are barely older than, and Landon is appropriately confused. Edit: Now a series of one-shots!
Date of update: April 12 2021
When Blood Calls for Blood
Author: Cupcakemolotov
Raiting: M
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: At sixteen, Caroline helped kill monsters. Hers, his, and theirs. Ten years later, and Klaus returns to Mystic Falls with unfinished business.
Date of update: April 12 2021
The War of Succession
Author: BelleMorte180
Raiting: E
Lenght: One shot
Summary: When King William I dies without a living male child, the whole of England spends two generations at war over who is the true heir to the throne, sending the houses of Lockwood and Mikaelson into battle. When the love of her life is slain in battle, Caroline realizes that her hand is betrothed to the victor since she is the only grandchild of the late king. Upon her wedding to the new king, she vows that she will hate him for all eternity but time is a fickle thing and so it the heart. Written for Au Season Enemies to Lovers. Kind of based off the War of the Roses.
Date of update: April 14 2021
Some ancient call that i've answered before (Chapter 2)
Author: klarrolines
Raiting: T
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: According to Greek mythology, humans were created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. Or all the lives throughout time that Klaus and Caroline found each other in.
Date of update: April 14 2021
Soulmate visions (Chapter 3)
Author: kcatdino
Raiting: T
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: On your soulmate's eighteenth birthday, you see through their eyes for an hour, but they don’t know. And if your soulmate turns eighteen before you are even born, you never get a vision. Klaus gets his soulmate vision right after he orders Tyler to bite Caroline on her birthday.
Date of update: April 15 2021
World Enough and Time
Author: perfectpro
Raiting: E
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: Caroline is perfection in and of itself, and Klaus thinks that he could search the world twice over and never find a creature so endlessly fascinating, so perfectly enigmatic that he is still finding things to learn about her a thousand years later. Or, what gift is suitable to celebrate the passing of a thousand years?
Date of update: April 15 2021
LITTLE TENSE
Author: wincefish16
Raiting: T
Lenght: Drabble
Summary: PROMPT- HUMAN MARRIED KLAROLINE. THINGS ARE NOT LOOKING GOOD IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. DAMON IS CAROLINE'S BROTHER AND KLAUS'S BEST FRIEND. HE TRIES TO FIX THINGS BETWEEN THEM.
Date of update: April 15 2021
Reasons Not to Date a Mikaelson (Chapter 2)
Author: kcatdino
Raiting: T
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Bonnie and Caroline gain a new roommate for their freshman dorm when a vision leads them to tracking down a pregnant Hayley in the Rockies. Also, Bonnie may or may not have raised a certain dead Original instead of Jeremy and Klaus takes a job at Whitmore teaching, to be annoying. He’s very good at it. This is a season 5 rewrite where the Originals never leave for New Orleans. But you know, with comedy.
Date of update: April 15 2021
Quiet Light (Chapter 4)
Author: coveredinthecolors
Raiting: E
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Caroline Forbes sets off to the Bahamas with her boyfriend, Elijah, where she'll finally meet his brother for the first time. But as it turns out... she knows Klaus Mikaelson a little too well.
Date of update: April 16 2021
AO3: Contingency Plan (Chapter 3)
FFN: Contingency Plan (Chapter 3)
Author: Eliliyah
Rating: M
Length: Multi Chapter
Summary: When Stefan's idiocy threatens Caroline's carefully laid plans, she has no choice but to turn to Klaus Mikaelson for help. Unfortunately, the criminal king of Philadelphia won't be swayed by simple seduction and has a different kind of proposition for her. It's a good thing she has a contingency plan. Never try to overthrow an empire without one. Dark Klaroline Mafia AU. COMPLETE
Date of update: April 11 2021
AO3: Last Love
FFN: Last Love
Author: kirti_01
Raiting: M
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Klaus had promised to be her last love, was sure that Caroline, will come to him. Maybe in a year, or a 100, perhaps. But Caroline decides not to wait for that long. After graduation, Caroline moves in with Klaus to give her feelings for him a chance. And Elijah finally lets go of his obsession with Katherine and finds himself attracted to a university student, his student, a human named Samara.
Date of update: April 12 2021
AO3: A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 153)
FFN: A Beautiful Symmetry (Chapter 153)
Author: Uppity Bitch
Rating: M
Length: One shot
Summary: A collection of random AU one-shots featuring Klaroline. *2019 KC Award - Best one-shot series* Chapter 153: The Blonde Identity. Spies on opposite sides always had one mission, and nothing should ever compromise an operation. But Klaus always had a weakness for a woman who wore murder in her eyes.
Date of update: April 14 2021
AO3: Always and Forever (Chapter 8)
FFN: Always and Forever (Chapter 8)
Author: WingedLadyColette
Raiting: E
Lenght: Multi chapter
Summary: Always and Forever is put to the test when the Mikaelson siblings all gather together once more to throw the balance of nature into disarray when the Petrova Doppelganger reappears once again in a little Virginia town of Mystic Falls. But that's not the only thing that catches the big bad wolf's attention.
Date of update: April 16 2021
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I posted 8 times in 2021
7 posts created (88%)
1 posts reblogged (13%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.
I added 18 tags in 2021
#ds9 - 5 posts
#garashir - 5 posts
#back on tumblr - 1 posts
#🖖 - 1 posts
#llap - 1 posts
#55 years of trek - 1 posts
#star trek day - 1 posts
#this is such a creepy fucked up episode - 1 posts
#desperate julian - 1 posts
#julian bashir - 1 posts
Longest Tag: 76 characters
#miles doesn't understand and julian explains he's had garak tagged for years
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
My own little Garashir headcanon
Watching the series again, I've sorta have put together my own timeline thing of how Garak and Julian may have gotten together.
First, I think it's pretty obvious that they spent the first year or two on the station just blatantly flirting with each other and bantering on the Promenade thinking they were fooling everyone but actually fooling no one (I mean Jadzia was making bets with everyone right?).
Then after the events in "The Wire" they (finally) got together. But it wasn't perfect, I think we can see that Julian tends to take cues from Garak and Garak doesn't strike me as the 'staying up all night talking and making love' type. So they have an on and off again relationship for a few years, nothing exclusive, no communicating and eventually shit hits the fan.
Since they were never exclusive (I'm picturing Garak coming to Julian late at night and leaving before morning and stolen kisses in dark corridors) Julian obviously dates other people and he cares about who he's dating and doing this drives Garak up the wall with jealousy. I mean it would be one thing if Julian was playing a game and using these poor women but somehow because he's not it makes it so much worse. I can imagine Garak "dating" a random Dabbo girl or having a very obvious one night stand with a passing visitor to try to make Julian jealous but it never works. Julian just smiles, says he's happy for him, and moves on.
Part of this is Julian knowing what Garak is doing and not wanting to give him the satisfaction and part of it is a very human feeling of hope. Hope that Garak will stop all the games and tell him how he feels.
As time goes on, Julian starts to lose hope, the late night visits become more infrequent, Julian cancels lunches, and after a while they just sort of..end.
Which brings us to Ziyal. I think Julian had always had some sliver of hope and when Ziyal comes to the station and he sees how Garak treats her and looks at her, a (sorta) fellow Cardassian, he gives up all hope and accepts that perhaps it never happened with Garak was because he's human.
So Julian withdraws completely. He spends hours with Miles in the holosuites. He dives into his work and takes on more and more responsibility with Starfleet. In Julian's eyes, it's officially over, Garak has made his choice.
But, of course, Garak never made a choice. He doesn't understand why Julian's avoiding him, why they never have lunch anymore, why his flirting with Ziyal is different then when he was flirting with a Bajorian Dabbo girl. Garak starts to get jealous of Miles, of Starfleet, of everything that is keeping his "Dear Doctor" away from him (Garak may be a smart, former spy, but when it comes to romance and love he's an idiot).
I wish I could say that they reconciled and had a love for the ages but the way I see it, they never really did. Their lives got turned upside down because of the war and what we end up seeing as viewers is an awkward exchanges between ex's who have to still see each other on a regular basis.
TLDR; Garak and Julian had an on and off again romance for many years then because of insecurities and not communicating everything ended and we got a very unsatisfying conclusion to the banter and flirting.
11 notes • Posted 2021-08-31 16:32:16 GMT
#4
Hello, hello. Back on this hellsite after an extended break...blah, blah, blah, been off of social media for the past 8 months...but y'all don't care about that. I've gone down a DS9 rabbit hole lately and Garashir (Garrick/Bashir) has completely taken over my life. Be prepared for some thoughts, headcannon's, and frankly, slutty fics. Can't wait to drag you into this wonderland with me.
14 notes • Posted 2021-08-31 15:52:56 GMT
#3
Can we all just acknowledge that Empok Nor is basically just an entire episode of Garak being jealous of O'Brian and trying to kill him while on drugs?
37 notes • Posted 2021-09-01 00:31:25 GMT
#2
Watching “honor among thieves“ and the difference between Julian‘s relationship with Miles and with Garak is that if Garak was going undercover to the Orion Syndicate Julian would be there with him not bursting into Sisko‘s office politely asking what’s going on.
45 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 18:05:39 GMT
#1
Andrew and Alexander having less and less scenes together because of the obvious gay subtext between their characters has a very similar energy to Neil Gaiman having to write out all of Azriphales “dears” because Michael Sheen looked too in love with David Tennant while filming.
Although in DS9 it was because of a homophobic producer and in Good Omens it was because they couldn’t be THAT gay right off the bat.
in a side note, I’m so excited for Good Omens season two and I really hope the subtext becomes text. I just want to see David Tennant and Michael Sheen making out in a Bentley, is that too much to ask?
59 notes • Posted 2021-08-31 17:39:54 GMT
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I'M LATE I KNOW OKAY I HAVENT BEEN ON MY BEST FOR THE PAST MONTH IM SORRY
Kai handsome man come back to ussssss 😫
Okay, first I gotta apologize for not being activated for a while due to personal problems. But little by little is getting better.
Second, Happy late (supposed) birthday my dear Overhaul amazing Kai Chisaki!
Not so pointless day
You blinked a bit when some rays of the sun rose invaded the room and hitted the slightest the bedsheets and on your face, indicating that it was finally time to get up.
You turned ever so slowly your face to see the man right behind you. Peaceful sleep on his handsome face, one thing that it was rarity due to his late work hours... a smile appeared on your lips at seing your lover so relaxed and you had to really control yourself to just not carress his handsome face or to even kiss him.
You already had plans today. And since you got Pops and most of the subbordinates of the Shie Hassaikai by your side on this idea, there was no way Kai would know about this! And you had to be extremely careful or your boyfriend would end up discovering everthing!... much like last time.
You shifted a bit to ever so slowly left the bed sheets for you to slide your legs out of the bed on the cold floor... but just when you were about to lift up, you had noticed that Kai was with one arm wrapped around your midsection.
Great. Just on the day you just couldn't be on the bed cuddling with him and just couldn't wake him up, he HAD to have a grip on you. Perfect. Just GREAT.
Cursing under your breath you slowly lifted his muscled arm up enough for you to slide on the bed and gently place it back down. You tip toed, still with looking at Kai, and just when you had reached the door of the bathroom you made the mistake of sigh in relief.
"I know what you're pretending to." His low and full of sleep voice manifested from the bed and you immediately cringed.
Curse his light sleep.
"H-Hey!!!" You smiled sheepish even seing that he didn't open his eyes still "Morning hands-"
"Get back on bed. Is early as shit and I don't have work." He mumbled with a hand on his face, groaning when he opened his eyes a bit only to close then again due to the sun light.
You giggled at his words, knowing that only when Kai was tired that he didn't care to let out one or two curse words.
"I would love to, but I've got plans and-"
"Yeah and you're not doing it." He said nonchantly, sending one eyed glare at your direction "Once again, I knwo what you're planning, and that's not happening."
"Wha? What are you talking about?" You felt a drop of cold sweat on the back of your neck, yet you did your best to hide your nervousness from Chisaki.
"Don't play dumb now (Y/n). You and I nnwo what day it is. And you're not doing shit." He growled while getting up on his elbows to fully stare at you from the bed.
"I didn't plan anything!" You lied, lifting your hands up in false defense as he arched one eyebrow at you, clearly not believing your words.
"Of course. Then you wouldn't mind to get back on the bed now?"
"Actually..." you poked your fingers together as you looked everywhere but his amber eyes "I-I.. I promised that I would help Pops on the garden!"
"What?" He arched his eyebrow even more, standing from his bed "No you didn't-"
"Yesterday! I-I promised him this and I couldn't just-" you forced a laugh when he got up and crossed his arms while staring you down, getting just a bit distracted at the show of his muscles "Deny it, right?"
"You're the worst liar I ever laid my eyes on (Y/n)." He nonchalantly spoke as you cringed even more before dead panning.
"Wait, is that a compliment or-" he interrupted you with kiss, shutting you up pretty quickly. His hands travelled down to your waist as he bitted lightly on your bottom lip to allow you to give him a entrance.
You sighed and moaned a bit at his touch and the kiss before he broke apart only to trail hot fervent kisses on your neck to stop right by your ear lobe to whisper huskily.
"I guess that maybe if you want to surprise me on this pointless day, then at least I got to choose what I want." He nibbled a bit on your ear lobe "Dont you agree my angel?"
Just when you were getting on his trap, a knock on the door made him grunt and you pout a bit.
"Master? Pardon me but we have to get out to solve a few things."
"Nemoto..." he growled in your neck and you remembered your plan on a flash, giving your best to not smile in yeargness.
Kai started to glare at the door and straightened his back up "I have sure that it was talked that this day I had a break." He said in annoyance, still holding you close to him.
"I do know of that master, and excuse me for this. But it is something important that can't just be waited." He rolled his eyes at that before looking at you, mentally either cursing poor Nemoto or apologizing to you.
"Go." You smiled warmingly at him before pecking his lips "We can continue this later when you come back." You whispered lovingly at him and mentally yelped in glee at the half smile he gave to you in a minor of seconds before he returned to his serious expression, telling Nemoto to give him a minute.
"Luckily it won't take much time." He muttered while picking his white tie and putting around his neck "Don't mess neither burn the house down while I'm out."
You scoffed playfully while getting up to tie his tie for him, smirking at the serious look he gave to you but knowing how he secretly loved the action.
"Right mister future leader of the yakusa." He growled while rolling his eyes, getting out and grabbing his jacket.
"I will see you in some hours." He said, subsconciously waiting for the three words he never had courage to say to you but secretely craved to hear it.
"Right! Bye!" You waved cutely at him, giggling at his deadpan look and a hint of dissapointment of not hearing an 'I love you'.
Just when Kai got out he nodded at nemoto who greeted him. Sneakily you poked your head out and smiled wide at Nemoto.
"Thank you so much!"
"Is not a problem (Y/n) sama." He bowed a bit "Which hour we have to get back again if you dont mind me asking?"
"I will send you a message or Rappa. Think only you both can take care of distracting him enough?"
"Rappa is an expert. He just doesn't have to die. While I have my methods." He smirked before waving at you politely when he got called out again as you got out of your room with a determined look.
"Is now or never!" You said to yourself just when Kai left the house. Chuckling while making your way to start the whole thing you had planned ever since the start of this month.
~
"And here I thought that you were joking when you wanted everthing perfect." Kurono muttered while double checking for any dirty on the halls as you got a message for a friend of yours that the cake you ordered was coming and was just to pick outside.
"We're talking about Kai here." You giggled as Hari was quiet for a minute before nodding with a 'fair enough'.
"GeT thE FuCk OuT Of My WaY ClEaNInG ThE FlOOr Is-"
"STOP YELLING AND JUST CLEAN IRINAKA!" Hojo shouted after Joi as he dried the floor right before him.
"I have to admit that I am surprised to see that you got everyone on the Hassaikai to collaborate." Kurono muttered as you both got out and you thanked the delivery man while picking up the box with a huff before thanking Hari for offering to carry it instead.
"I talked with you and Pops first."
"... That explains a lot." He peeked inside the box and whistled "Kai is going to freak out on all of this. You know more than I do that he hates surprises."
"But this one is a good surprise!" You whined while opening the door "How could he hate it?"
"Because it involves his birthday (Y/n)." He said suddenly on a serious tone as be walked along sides you to place the neatly cherry and vanilla cake on the center of the table.
"You do know already he doesn't give a shit neither celebrate it. Heck, it took him even begging Pops once to not celebrate his birthday when he made 16."
"I know." You sighed and looked at the clock "But at least one good memory I want to give it to him when this day comes. Is not fair that on my birthday he buys almost a whole market and on his birthday he says something like 'I just was born'; 'Nothing special happened on this day' or the worst: 'Why celebrate something that is not valid?'" The white haired man couldn't help but chuckle at your imitation of Kai before apologizing at seing your serious face.
"Well, he is not much of someone who celebrate those things."
"He can't complaint it if it isn't something giant!" You exclaimed just when Pops entered and chuckled at your dramatic action.
"I am relieved that my boy got someone like you to take care of him like that (Y/n)." The elder chuckled while you put your arms down with a blush on your face as the asshole in your side snorted.
"So?" He looked around with a serene smile "This was the start of your present for Chisaki. There is more?"
"I actually have two presents for him." You smiled before looking at Kurono "Did you and irinaka were the only ones that got him something asides from me and Pops Kurono-kun?"
"Negative." The man took out one hand of his white hoddie and pointed with his thumb outside "All the eight precepts got him something asides from Rappa."
"Why I am not surprised at this?" You sighed and both men chuckled at your action before Pops grabbed gently on your shoulder.
"Come (Y/n). I want to show you something." You made a surprised sound before Kurono nodded and told you he was going to take care of things while Pops dragged you to his own office.
"Have to say (Y/n), you're a blessing on our lifes." The elder sighed as he made his way to his desk as you looked around in awe.
"Oh! Is nothing!" You smiled at the elder "Kai always say how he doesn't particularly care, but I cam see the bit of... happines when I at least wish him a happy birthday... I guess." You looked at the ground witha shy smile before jerking your head up at hearing the elder footsteps and standing right in front of you with a smile with a coal black box on his hands.
"Seems like you know more of my Chisaki than I do." He opened the box and you widened your eyes with a gasp at seing the jewelry inside.
It was a pair of pigments with the symbols of the ying and yang separated. Both shined at the light of the room and you looked up at Pops with confusion.
"This belonged to me and my wife a long time ago." He looked up at you with a smile "You remind me of her sometimes kid."
He picked up the ying symbol while leaving the box on a table as he put the necklace on you.
"Despite us being japanese. She loved the concept of it, and I bought it. I never actually came to talk about her to Chisaki so I would like this to remain as a secret between us." You nodded a bit hesitantly before he smirked at the sign of you with the neck lace as he grabbed the box.
"The ying yang means two halves which come together to complete wholeness, both the sides are dependent on each other. And as I can tell by looking at you and my... son, you both belong-" he grabbed the yang symbol and hold your necklace, with a 'click', the two pieces were stuck together.
"Together." He showed you before splitting them apart and bringing your hand to his older one to close around the other necklace "Give this to Kai, I have other present for him."
You couldn't even mutter one word of gratitude or any for that matter before your phone buzzed up and you excused yourself to answer it.
~
"Please tell us we can go back." The man spoked as he watched Rappa dodging another attack of Chisaki on a abandoned alley "The situation here is critic. What happened? Well.." Nemoto took his cellphone out of his ear to make Chisaki's companion to hear the whole mess.
"THEY WERENT EVEN DEALERS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE CLEAN FREAK!"
"Have on your mind that your movements Rappa are EASY TO PREDICT" In one second the man was overhauled and Nemoto hissed at that before bringing his phone close again.
"Sure we can go? Right, thanks (Y/n) sama."
"What about (Y/n)?" Chisaki muttered darkly while sending a cold glare at Nemoto who flinched a bit.
"Fuck."
~
"SOMEONE HOLD THIS FUCKER!" Kurono shouted as Hojo and Setsuno had a firm grip on each of Tabe's arms while Irinaka on his tiny form gripped the man's hair, as Tabe himself said the word 'EAT' franquily while trying to reach at the table.
You and Pops had just gotten back and the elder scowled at the attitude of his workers, like they were some kids.
"Enough is enough!" The elder shouted and everyone grew quiet and lowered their heads "How many years any of you have now? 2 to five now?! Due to your current attitude and behaviour I wouldn't be surprised." The elder crossed his arms as everyone on the room looked down in ashame.
You furrowed your eyebrows a bit before an idea popped out. You eargly went to table full of goods and put a good amount to every precept of each of the things you had ordered except the cake.
"Here! You guys can have those while Kai is not back yet!" You offered each one their pieces and giggled when Tabe just swallowed the whole thing... plastic plate and all.
"You're too good for the mafia (Y/n)." Setsuno chuckled as Hojo nodded with a smirk.
"Right right, every one of you out before Chisaki appear eh?" Irinaka slapped his hands when he returned to his normal form as you gave him a quizzical look before he got down to whisper in your ear "I'm sure the boss won't have it many people here despite all that bullshit."
You pouted and still promised everyone that got out to give them a piece of the cake.
"So?" Kurono came by your side "When the man of the party is coming?"
"By any min-" you flinched as Kurono and mimic grabbed their guns when they heard the door being slammed as some shouts were heard.
"I SWEAR TO FUCKING ALL MIGHT HAVE A CHILL YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH! YOU ALREADY KILLED ME ONCE TODAY!"
"Repeat a hero's name on my house again. Go on. I dare you." You gulped at hearing Kai's tone of voice, full of wrath and disgust as some parts of the wall were overhauled.
Rappa stormed in the room along with Nemoto as they closed the door with a sigh... not caring about the looks they were receiving.
"Package delivered. I want my fifth bucks." Kendo extended his muscular hand to Irinaka who grumbled a bit and handed him the money.
"Is he..?" Kurono pointed at the door as Nemoto glared at Rappa.
"Furious thanks to someone here who decided to comment on (Y/n) sama again."
"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED-"
"That's it." The elder commented harshly, again silencing the room "Both are dismissed for now, you guys can come back later if you want anything to eat."
"I would let Rappa to starve boss." Mimic commented as Kurono hummed in agreement, ignoring Rappa's swear words.
You tip toed out of the room the moment the two men left the door, leaving them discussing with each other as you searched for Chisaki.
"Kai?" You called out and the said man appeared with a tired and angry expression. You smiled in sympathy while tilting your head as he aproached you "Rough day?"
"Only a nickname compared to what I had to atture." He growled before slidding his gloved hands through his dark brow looks. "Where the hell is those two-"
"Wait wait wait!" You stepped on his front with your hands on his chest "Can I show you something first?" He arched his eyebrow at you, bit still sighed and with a motion of his hand told you to proceed.
"You have to close your eyes." He deadpanned at that before his face scrunched up in realization.
"I swear to god." He muttered with a hand pinching between his eyebrows.
"Please???"
"I lost count of how many times I told you to not do anything!" He spatted while looking at you with a bit of dissapointment and anger.
"Please my capoo?" You put on your puppy eyes and hold your hands together as he glared down at you.
"I despise you." He sighed before closing his eyes, growling when he heard your yelp of glee and sensing you getting behind him.
"Can I touch you?"
"Washed your hands?" He sighed a d cringed a bit when the soft skin of your hands and arms brushed over his shoulders and part of his face not covered with a mask. "If you run me into a wall I swear that I will consider on overhauling you."
"Sure sure!" You giggled and tip toed due to his height to keep your hands close to his eyes and opened with your foot the door before whispering a 'there' on his ear.
He opened his amber eyes and arched a eyebrow at seing the sweet in front of him before he looked at you in suspense and the whole room. "How many years do you think I have?" He asked nonchantly but you rolled your eyes at him.
"No one is 'old enough' to have a little celebration on your birthday!"
"Is a pointless-"
"Not for me." You said in a serious tone and he seemed surprised at that, but his face stayed monotonous "Kai I love you more than anything! Is not a pointless day if a bunch of people care for you." You pointed at a pile of boxes and he arched one eyebrow at that "Those were some gifts that the eight precepts brough."
"Out of order I suppose."
"Geez dude accept already." Kurono said with a smirk before elbowing Kai on the arm, Chisaki immediately screeching at the area with a glare at his childhood friend, muttering a 'dont touch me'. "(Y/n) had all this work for you man." Irinaka muttered while munching on a snack.
Kai's glare turned into a soft gaze as he looked at you. Hesitation still on him, he grabbed one bottle of sake close to him, inspected a bit before popping it out. Scoffing at the cheers that his old man, companions and partner did at catching that he had accept it.
"Is your favorite flavor of cake my capoo!" You pointed at the cake, not seing his fond smile due to his black mask before he punched Irinaka and kurono for laughing at the nickname you gave it to him as the Pops shook his head with a laugh. Kai was at least a bit eased back for real to yours surprise! You could notice that despite his monotonous face, a little bit of happiness was still on his golden eyes that you loved so much.
"So?" You chirped on his side as he poked his generous piece of cake, mask down to his chin only to eat "Whatcha think??"
He only arched one eyebrow at you before doing something you never expected. He poked your nose with the uttensile he was using, you gasped at the action with the residues of cake on your nose before he smirked devilish at you, throwing the utensils away and catching you off guard by handing you a handkerchief and kissing your temple while no one was looking.
"Not so pointless. Happy now brat?" He muttered before getting to grab another uttensiles as you tried to understand what had just happened.
Bonus!
"How thoughtful and cliche no less." He inspected the yang necklace, you were a bit insecure before smilling widely at seing him putting the necklace around his perfect neck.
"That's not the whole thing!" You chirped before jumping out of the bed and going to the bathroom. He arched one eyebrow before widening his eyes at the clothing you were using. Showing all the parts of your body he loved the most...
"Do what you must do my capoo~" you cooed before crawling your way to his lap "Your final gift my love".
"And the only one I wanted to unwrap." He growled before twirling both of you around so he could be on top "Finally my truly desert." He growled close to your ear before... you know. Long night for the both of you ;)
#overhaul x reader#overhaul chisaki kai#overhaul imagine#overhaul scenario#overhaul#chisaki kai x reader#kai chisaki#chisaki kai scenarios#chisaki kai#bnha villains x reader#bnha#my writing#zuffer writings
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Brothers anon back with a worked out timeline! And Misstressoffandoms sorry im responding so late! I completely missed your reply. Thats what I ended up doing but im hoping to eventually be able to completely copy those eailer asks and put them on my notes app.
When this gets a major update I'll resend if you want me too.
CURRENT AGES! (When they left Subbin)
Ran-19
Ranbob-26 (Previously 28 but decided to change it a bit, decided I didn't like the 9 year age difference between the brothers)
Watson-33 (Previously 35 but decided to change it a bit)
Jackie-16
Grievous-22
Benjamin-30
Cletus-24
Charles-25 (Previously 27 but decided to change it)
Isaac-29
CURRENT TIME LINE! (THIS IS NOT INDEPTH AND IS INSTEAD INTENDED TO GIVE A BRIEF SUMMARY OF EVERYTHING, DETAILS MAY BE CHANGED DEPENDING ON WHATS ADDED)
-Dream gets control of Ranbob and uses him to basically commit genocide in Mizu, Ran barely escapes.
-After living alone for 6 years Ran arrives in Subbin, takes part in the Pit tournament, and gains a family. At the same time the fishermen find and rescue Ranbob, bringing him to their home.
-2 years past with Ranbob recovering and having a haunting, and Ran fighting while spending time with his own haunting.
-Isaac manages to convince his group to go to Subbin even though Ranbob is a bit nervous, the fishermen join The Pit for the promise of money and fun. Ranbob gets pinned against Ran (doesnt know its Ran) and sees the King of The Hill is on with Ran at the top. Ranbob climbs up to see Ran there, he is shocked and approaches him with weapon dropped and shaking, Ran kicks him off the edge. Ranbob slams his head into the ground and dislocates his shoulder, rises up to see the King of The Hill dropping. Ranbob tries to talk to Ran only for Ran to run to him and slam him into the ground, yelling at and threatening him. He carries him over to the edge of the arena and at this point Porkius calls off the fight and the fishermen and Gladiators enter the arena to seperate them. Ran cursing out Ranbob as he gets dragged away. Ranbob gets treated in the medical wing as Ran storms about and the two groups talk and match everything up.
-Weeks past with incredible tension in the air. They decide that taking a trip may help and after getting approval from Porkius, manage to convince Ranbob and trick Ran to come along.
-After agurements and tense moments while in a carriage, they get out and walk to their next destination. A flower biome. Where they manage to relax and have fun for a few days before moving on.
-Next Watson leads them to a nearby waterfall he found with a tunnel behind it, the brothers get water splashed on them by Isaac and Jackie being idiots, and from dripping water in the cave, leaving Ran with burns to his neck and hands, while Ranbob has burns to his cheeks and also to his neck. The burns fade quickly with help of burn cream Watson brought with.
-After they pass the tunnel they see a shattered Savanna, and decide to travel through it. Tension ramps up when both Grievous and Cletus almost fall off halfway up a mountain, and when Rans scowling and growling end up sending Ranbob so far away from him he almost walks off the edge.
-Watson says the Savanna is to dangerous and leads them to a nearby roofed forest, where they have their first run in with Raq and learn that Ran is still being hunted.
-After 3 morw run-ins with Raq they move to another forest, this time Oak, and stumble upon a village, where they stop for supplies. This is also where they learn of Kelalen, but the librarian they learned it from dismisses them as lunatics and to avoid them. Upon pressing for more info they find out it was like Mizu, to which Ranbob shows interest and excitement.
-They move on to a Tagia biome where everyone attempts to tame a wolf and fails, expect Charles, Watson, and Ran. Charles gets 4 dogs from this and is very happy.
-While running to shelter in a cave from a thunderstorm, the brothers lag behind the rest, and start to badly agure. At the end Ran shouts something that makes Ranbob stop, stare at him with teary eyes, and run away. Ran almost goes after him but doesnt and instead goes to tell the others. While Ranbob finds another smaller cave to hide it, and after some harsh words, everyone goes searching for him. Leaving Ran alone and leaving him with his guilt ridden, horrible feeling, and merciless mind
-They get Ranbob to come back to find Ran gone, at first almost no one wants to go after him. Saying how it's all his fault. But eventually they agree to look for him after the storm has passed. Its a full day until the storm passes and the gladiators have become very worried for Ran.
-When they finally look for him, it takes them hours to find him. And they only find him when there's a sudden shout through the woods, leading them to Raq mid-attack on Ran, taking advantage of his distraction of being lost in his own mind. Sadly their a bit late and aren't able to save Ran from a blindness potion. But are able to chase Raq away. Ran suffers due to the potion, and everyone is distressed.
-3 days pass until they manage to collect themselves up enough to move, after Ranbob said that he believes the town of Kelalen is nearby, he believes traveling there is worth the risk.
-It takes a week to travel to Kelalen and at first they get turned away, before Lucia recognizes some features of Ranbob and feels bad turning them away when Ran is blind. So they get brought in and Ran gets cured.
-They stay in Kelalen for 4 weeks (minimum, may be more later on, im actually thinking along the lines of months) where they learn more about everything and Foolish who is particularly interesting. And after a while and long conversations they say goodbye and continue on to their next biome, a snow biome.
-While in the snow biome they meet a particular old enderman who used to live with members of the SMP. He reveals his name as Edward and upon meeting Ran and Ranbob he makes the connection with them to Ranboo. And starts to happily tell stories and teach lessons. But when Ran leaves to go to bed, Edward reveals that Ran does love Ranbob, but is struggling with his own nightmares that make it hard for him to show it to Ranbob. Who hesitates believing him, but eventually does. From here on Ranbob looks at and thinks of Ran in a different view.
-After the snow biome theres no real destination next on their list, so they decide to just explore.
-3 months past before something interesting happens. Whenever they come across a village Jackie has formed a habit of asking them about Foolish, as he took a interest in him. And he eventually gets a village that goes "Yes Foolish is that way." And he excitedly drags everyone else with him to meet Foolish.
-They get to Foolish's home and start exploring. Jackie is alone when Foolish confronts him and Jackie brings him to the others. Foolish isn't exactly nice at first but warms up upon seeing the brothers again, as he's reminded of Ranboo. Hes informed about Dream and he is horrified to learn that and offers his help, they decline beliving themselves already free of Dream. Just before the group leaves Foolish gives them access to his armoury, saying how he feels like they'll need it. Before Ran can leave Foolish gives him a special totem of undying, saying he truly means he'll help, and that he feels they may face Dream again. Foolish tells Ran to break it when they need help and he'll be summoned to them. Ran leaves disturbed.
-2 years have passed with the group and brothers getting closer, along with occasional attacks from Raq and other hunters. They head back to Subbin. Their goal of getting the brothers closer achieved. Their still not as close as they used to be, but their close enough they can joke around, be left in the same room together alone without someone being stabbed, and even hug. Though Ran still hasnt fully forgiven Ranbob yet, but he's trying his best. Their on their way back to Subbin when nightmares between the two start ramping up, and Ranbobs episodes where he tries to run back to Dream are also on the rise. Everyone is starting to suspect something is happening but isn't sure what and so try to move on. When next Raq attack he brings back up again, this time instead of focusing on Ran, they focus on Ranbob. When Raq is defeated and finally caught, they ask why, and Raq reveals that theres a person who put a high bounty on Ranbob. Raq dies from Ran and Cletus.
-Ranbob fears its Dream, the others comfort him saying Dream can't escape Mizu. Their wrong.
-They finally get to Subbin and things are normal for a while, until Porkius reveals that Ranbob probably shouldn't be alone for a while. When asked why he reveals that the bounty on Ranbob has been put back up in Subbin, although he's going as fast as he can to nullify it. Benjamin, Charles, and Watson go to the local bar where bounties are put. And sure enough there's one for Ranbob there.
-When they get back Ran reveals what Foolish told him about facing Dream. They realizie Dream somehow got out and is hunting Ranbob down. Ranbob is terrified but they manage to comfort him. And they come to the conclusion they need to fight Dream. They spend months preparing and training for it.
-(This is the end bit and has yet to be fully figured out. So it'll be added in at a later time.)
Notes: During the whole time traveling, unless specified, Ran and Ranbob are far away from each other. Ran tending to be in the very front of the group with Ranbob in the very back. And whenever Ranbob got close to a gladiator Ran would growl at him to back off.
If you have any questions feel free to ask! (And if I missed anything please tell me so I can add it)
And I wanna check, am I still ok to send these?- to like talk about my au or no?- I'm afraid I've overstayed my welcome honestly and if I did I dont want to annoy you and will stop! And if you still don't mind, is there anything you want me to change? In general?
This’ll be helpful for the future! Also, Charles has four dogs, that’s adorable.
Of course you’re okay to send ‘em, I love reading these things!
I will never be annoyed about getting to see someone’s cool ideas and see how they choose to build on them. That sort of thing is awesome, and I love seeing it, your AU most certainly a favorite in that like. Send as many as you’d like, and I’ll be all the happier for it.
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Hii, I'm actually sad-sweet-cowboah and I've always wanted to request something from you! How about modern AU, Arthur surprises reader with a horse she's been really eyeing for a while? Maybe it doubles as a cute proposal? (and just for reference, a gorgeous golden Palomino Quarter Horse!)
Ah I’m so glad you sent this in to me! This was a lot of fun, and Arthur is fucking adorable! 16/10 best boyfriend/husband material, you cannot change my mind! (Will someone make that into a meme?) Anyways, have fun!
Masterlist
Read on AO3
(BTW, Arthur’s hot as hell in this pic.....)
Arthur stands on the deck of his house, lost in thought. He really should be in the barn, finishing up the last of the day’s work, but he’s worried. You should’ve been home half an hour ago and yet he still hasn’t heard from you. He’s texted you, but nothing. Maybe you’re just stuck in traffic.
You and Arthur have lived together for over a year, and been dating for over two years. He remembers how he convinced you to move in with him, as you’d been adamant. Hell, it’d been hard enough to get you to date him.
When you both first met, it was like a spark between you. However, you were scared of taking the next step with him, as you were just a natural loner. Not only that, you’d been alone for so long you didn’t think there would be anyone who wanted to be with you. So when Arthur asked you to be his girlfriend, you almost ran off, sure he was pulling your leg. However, something told you that you needed to be brave, to take the leap, so you did.
About 8 months later, Arthur really wanted you to move in with him on his little ranch, tucked in a canyon not too far from a small mountain town. But again, you were hesitant. It’s not that you didn’t love him, just the opposite in fact. You were so in love, you were constantly terrified that you’d mess up, that he’d end up hating you when you ended up living together. The last thing you wanted was to mess this up.
Then, shortly after your first year anniversary, the Coronavirus pandemic hit and everyone was sent into quarantine. Luckily you were able to work remotely, so you didn’t lose much money. It was nice working from home, you could stay in your pj’s all day, not worry about makeup, none of that stuff. But you missed seeing your boyfriend and he missed you. The two of you did plenty of video chats, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t smell him, hug him, touch him, kiss him… nothing. You tried doing some video sex, but you got outrageously uncomfortable doing it over video chat (what if some hacker got in?), and Arthur wasn’t all that comfortable either.
Those 60 days were some of the longest and loneliest of your life. You would’ve easily gone to his home and see you, but his little town wanted absolutely no outsiders to come in, so they blocked the roads, preventing you and Arthur from visiting. When quarantine was lifted, that was when you decided to move in with Arthur. After all, you didn’t know if there would be another one. You could work remotely, only having to go into the office a couple times a month for meetings, so the work situation with you was easy enough.
That was over a year ago, and despite your fears that the two of you would end up breaking up after a few months, the opposite happened. Your relationship grew beyond what you thought and the two of you have never been more in love. Sure, there’s been a few arguments, but nothing bad enough to break things off. For the most part, you and Arthur get along famously.
Arthur sighs again, still feeling worried. Today was one of the days you had to go into the office for meetings. They never run past five, and the office is nearly an hour away, but it’s nearly eight in the evening. You should definitely be home by now. You must be stuck in traffic, which is why you’ve not answered any of his texts. He pulls out his phone and dials your number. Why he didn’t do this earlier is beyond him.
A few rings go by and you finally pick up. “Hey, babe,” you say.
He smiles. “Hey, darlin’. Just worried about ya. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Just a big accident on the freeway. I stopped and got dinner too since it’s late. Should be home in like ten minutes.”
“Good. Kiss ya when I see ya,” he says and hangs up. That’s always how he says good bye to you over the phone and you love it.
Like clockwork, ten minutes go by and you pull into the driveway. He walks out of the house to greet you, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing you like he always does. He wants to tell you so badly what he’s got planned, but it’s gotta be a surprise. Under no circumstance can he spoil it. Not like this.
After dinner, the two of you cuddle up on the couch and watch a show before going to bed. He can tell you’re exhausted. These meeting days are your least favorite and they always wipe you out. Arthur cradles your head to his chest as you lie in bed. Within seconds, he hears you snore softly, making him smile. He goes back to thinking about tomorrow.
Arthur’s owned this ranch for most of his life. It wasn’t always his though. He grew up here with his adopted fathers, Hosea and Dutch. However, Hosea was killed very suddenly a few years ago in a car crash after he’d been hit by a drunk driver. His death had been so sudden that it hit Dutch extremely hard. Dutch ended up just vanishing one day, driven by grief and confusion. Arthur hasn’t seen him since.
The ranch fell into his hands after Dutch disappeared. He secretly hopes that maybe Dutch will come back someday, if he’s still alive that is. He’d love you two to meet, as he’s sure Dutch would like you better than his last serious girlfriend Mary.
His thoughts drift to her and he feels even more nervous. He’d been engaged to her for three months before she’d broken it off. She claimed it was because she hated his location, that she wanted to live in the city, not some small mountain town where everything was far away. Perhaps that was true, but he suspected there was more to it than that. After all, when Mary’s father discovered that Arthur had two fathers, he was extremely upset that Mary was dating someone raised by homosexuals. He’s always suspected that her father had a big reason behind why they broke up. Not only that, but he wonders if she was seeing a guy on the side. How could she go from being engaged to being in a new relationship only three weeks after they broke up? Good riddance, though, he thinks. He loves you a hundred times more than he ever loved her.
You’ve never cared about his upbringing, stating that Hosea and Dutch were at least good parents to him. You’ve known far too many heterosexual parents who were awful, and how many gay couples are out there who’d love to have kids and be the best parents. You weren’t in contact with your parents anymore (he still didn’t even know what they look like), so they aren’t an issue.
Arthur starts thinking about how sad and lonely your life has been. How you spent so many years alone and how you believed you’d die alone. He’s so grateful for having met you. You don’t deserve to die alone, you’re too good of a person. He kisses your head as you sleep, overwhelmed with his sense of love for you. A smile makes its way to his lips as he thinks about tomorrow.
Over the past year, as you’ve grown more comfortable to ranch life, you’ve been thinking about maybe getting your own horse. Arthur has a few that you’re certainly welcome to, of course, but you’ve been wanting one to call your own for a while now. A few weeks ago, you’d both been in town to go to the one grocery store there. As the truck went down the highway and passed another ranch, you saw the signs “horses for sale”. In the pasture was a beautiful palomino quarter horse. It looked like it was made of gold as it grazed in the sun. You begged Arthur to stop the truck and just go see the horse.
He pulled over, unable to resist your excitement, and you went to the fence. The palomino, along with most of its pasture mates, came over to investigate you and Arthur. You patted her nose and Arthur could tell you were already in love with her. However, he had no idea what her temperament was like, so he came up with a plan.
On the days when you had to go to meetings, Arthur went to the horse’s owner to ask questions and get acquainted with the horse. She was young, only three, but the owner had raised her and trained her himself. He invited Arthur to go on a trail ride using her so he could see how good of a riding horse she was. After only twenty minutes on her, Arthur knew she was perfect for you. She responded to his lightest touch and command. After the trail ride, Arthur bought her, but he kept her at her former owners so you wouldn’t see her too soon.
Yesterday, while you’d been gone, Arthur went and picked the horse up and brought her back. She didn’t have a name yet, but he wanted you to have that privilege. The man who raised her called her Sierra, but he knew that was your mother’s name and you were unlikely to keep it as you had no desire to see her for as long as he’s known you. He struggles to fall asleep, feeling like a kid on Christmas, excited to show you his gift. He’s also terrified as he’s going to use the horse as a segway for the biggest decision of his life.
************************************************
The next morning, Arthur gets up much earlier than usual. He’s normally up a bit past sunrise so he can feed the animals and get an earlier start on cleaning before it gets hot. This morning, though, you wake up at the crack of dawn and find his side of the bed empty. After grabbing a cup of coffee, you go out and find him just finishing feeding the chickens.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, a big grin on his face.
You say good morning and he comes over, leaning across the fence so he can kiss you.
“Hey, I got a couple more chores to do, but once they’re done, I got somethin’ to show ya.”
“Okay, I’ll help. What needs to be done?”
He smiles, loving how willing you always are to help him out. It makes his life a lot easier. He struggles though, as most of the remaining chores were in the stables with the horses, including yours.
“Um… well, why don’t you go through the chicken coop, see about eggs.”
You nod and go off to grab the collecting basket. Arthur asks you to finish feeding the chickens as well so he can go into the stable. After collecting nearly a dozen eggs and placing them in the egg storage so they can be sold this weekend, you brush off your hands and start heading into the stables. Arthur darts out, slightly sweaty from his work.
“Woo, it’s hot. Hey baby, um, maybe you can go get us some drinks?” he says. His tone is weird, like he’s hiding something.
“Um… okay. Everything okay?”
“Everythin’s just fine.” He kisses you again real quick and then shoots back into the stables.
After retrieving two beer bottles, you go out to find Arthur in the paddock, which is attached to the right side of the barn so the horses can go in and out of their stalls. He’s wringing his gloved hands a bit, but smiles when he sees you. What is going on with him?
“Thanks, darlin’,” he says when you go into the pen and hand him his beer. Instead of opening it, he places it onto a post of the fence. “I wanted to show you somethin’.”
He looks to the barn and whistles. Odd, he’s looking at one of the stalls that’s been empty the entire time you’ve lived here. Something snorts and out walks the golden horse you’d been admiring for the past few weeks. You gasp and put your hands over your mouth.
“Arthur, is that…?”
“She’s yours, sweetheart. I took her for a ride a while ago, she’s a good horse.”
The filly walks over to you and snorts in greeting, stretching her neck out to bump her nose to your hand. Tears leak out of your eyes as you start rubbing her neck, going down to her withers.
“Arthur, she’s beautiful!”
He chuckles softly and walks over to hug you, grinning as you bury your face into his chest. God, you couldn’t ask for a sweeter boyfriend.
“Thank you so much, Arthur! I love her.”
“Good. What’s her name?”
“Did she not have one before?”
He tells you what her name used to be, but as he predicted, you don’t like it. You think for a moment, studying her golden coat. She swishes her silver tail.
“Maybe… Freyja? I know you like having names of gods and goddesses for your horses.”
Arthur chuckles as he thinks about his two favorite horses, Boadicea and Artemis. “If that’s what you want, darlin’. She’s your horse though, you name her whatever feels right.”
You look at her and smile. “Freyja feels right.”
Freyja snorts, not giving a single damn about her name. Her eyes are soft as you pat her neck again.
“Well, why don’t we groom miss Freyja? Maybe you can ride her around the pasture, see how you like her.”
You nod and go into the stables to grab a brush and hoof pick. Freyja’s very patient as you groom her, standing still as you clean out her feet. Arthur hauls out the heavy saddle after you throw on her saddle blanket and grab her bridle. After cinching on the saddle and adjusting the stirrups, Arthur says, “Oh I forgot somethin’, hold on.”
He goes into the stables as you pat the horse’s neck again, anxious to hop into the saddle. He comes back out, empty handed and looking frustrated.
“I thought I left it in there,” he grunts, coming back over to you.
“What you looking for?”
“A thing,” he says, ignoring you and shoving his hand into the saddle bag. “I thought I left it… ah ha! Don’t know how it got in there.”
He pulls his hand out and you see a small, velvety box. He brushes it off quickly and then holds it out to you.
“Sweetheart, I uh… I been thinking about doin’ this for a while. It would… it would mean a lot to me.”
You take the box, your stomach clenching. Is this a ring? Or is it something else and you’re just being hopeful? Your heart pounding in your ears, you open the box and see the ring. You gasp. It’s not a diamond, you always hated diamonds. Too common and overpriced. Instead, it’s a silver band, the metal engraved with fancy, swooping curls, a gem in your favorite color perched on top.
“Arthur?” you say, your voice squeaking as you take out the ring.
He clasps your hands in his, the ring nestled in your palm. “I wanna marry ya, sweetheart. You… well, you’re more than I could ever hope for in a companion. I never thought I’d wanna marry someone again after Mary…” he looks down and swallows. You know all about her of course. “But that was until I fell in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”
Fresh tears are cascading down your cheeks. You look at the ring again and Arthur’s suddenly afraid you’ll say no, or that you’re not ready. He worries that he might have to try and talk you into this like he had when he wanted to date you and then have you move in. He doesn’t want to do that with this though. Just as his stomach begins to sink, you smile up at him.
“Yes, Arthur. I will marry you, a thousand times.”
He smiles, swallowing a wave of his own tears and cups your cheek. He takes the ring and slides it onto your finger, then he presses his forehead to yours. For several moments, you both stand there in this position, letting the world go by as you bask in one another’s presence. You slide a hand over his neck, wanting to be even closer to him, your future husband.
Suddenly something shoves your shoulder hard and it’s followed by a loud snort. Arthur chuckles, pulling away from you. “Think Freyja wants your attention again.”
You laugh and kiss him before facing your horse and climbing into the saddle (with his help of course). You adjust yourself in the saddle, sliding both feet into the stirrups. Arthur pats your thigh and tells you to just walk around the pen so that you and Freyja can get acquainted with the feel of one another.
As Arthur watches you walk with your horse, he feels a sense of excitement and contentment. Excited for the future, of course, but he’s never been so sure about anything as he is about this. Marrying you is the only thing he could do, he’s never wanted anything more.
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Do you have a backstory for Compress/Magne/more on Spinner? I've seen your stuff on Kurogiri, but I'd like to hear your probably angsty thoughts
This is gonna be a long post
Spinner
Mentions of emotional abuse, gaslighting, quirkism, bullying, suicidal behavior, and eating disorder
His parents were two very well-off Americans that moved to Japan before Suichi was born
He developed his quirk at age five, and because he's cute, I'm throwing in that he thought it was awesome because he loved dinosaurs as a kid
Yeah he stopped liking it pretty quickly
His parents had some surgeries done on him to make various parts of his body more "normal" and "human"
Once he hit the fourth grade, he decided he was done dealing with people, and would refuse to come out of his room
His parents eventually caved, and let him homeschool
He developed his love of video games from the time he would spend on his own
His parents tried to convince him that he'd be better off being in public like everyone else, but this only drove him to stay in his room more, sometimes not coming out for days, and even then just to eat something and go back to his isolation
After he tried to kill himself one afternoon, his parents made him start leaving the house to go do things
He took up cosplaying, as pretending to be someone else in public made it better than being himself
His parents are jerks and they shamed that particular hobby too
He heard about Stain on the news and immediately liked him, though he largely kept it a secret
After a movement against heteromorphs started up, Suichi knew he was about to reach his final straw, despite the law not passing in the end
He ran away from home at nineteen, taking nothing but his Stain cosplay, trying to convert people to his ideals
Magne
Mentions of transphobia, neglect, and violence/death
Keni came out when she was 14
Her parents were not great about it, needless to say
They stopped caring for her, referred to her as a freak, and in general just treated her like garbage
She ran away when she was 15, figuring she'd do better out on the streets
While she did make one friend, another trans woman who ended up giving her the sunglasses she holds so dear, most people were about as cruel as you'd expect
One day she got ridiculously drunk, and decided to return home, where she magnetized her parents' heads, effectively killing them
While she doesn't exactly regret it, she's certainly not proud either. Still, this flips a switch in her head that she can actually fight people off
Those 29 attempted murders? Transphobes
That one actual murder?
Wellllllllllllll
Me and my rarepair brain
For reasons I'll explain in a little bit, Sako was homeless too
Through a remarkable coincidence, Magne ended up protecting Sako from some of his own threats on the streets
They became fast friends, and stuck together with Keni's other friend like glue
That one other murder was a certain someone from Sako's past
As for the 9 armed robberies, well, a girl's gotta eat
When the three heard about the LoV forming, it became clear that only Magne and Compress would be joining
While this saddened all three, they agreed to keep in touch
And yeah, Magnetmagic consumes my soul, and nobody can prove me wrong
Compress
Mentions of alcoholism, neglect, and violence
I really should work on Presto oof
He was raised in a house of poverty, sometimes going without meals, heat, or electricity
His parents wanted him to have a sturdy, stable job, but all Sako wanted to do was be a magician
He was often told he looked too plain to do much with his life, and his quirk wouldn't help him out on that front
He had to work as a teenager to keep their family stable, especially once his father gave up work to just lay around the house and drink
When he was 16, both of his parents died in an accident, and, out of 246 total and 241 survivors, were not saved by heroes because their status in the economy did not make them productive and therefore prioritied civilians. This is also when he injured his leg to the point of needing that cane
He moved in with his father's mom, who also drank a lot
As in his first home, he did most of the work, and had to depend on himself for everything
He ran away at 17 to become a street performer for spare change
A few months later, he saw a circus in town, and ended up joining
There, he took a young boy under his wing, caring for him as a sort of son figure, especially now that he wasn't caring for himself all on his own
Yeah boi he considered those guys his new family, down to the janitors
But a hero figured out while visiting with her son that the leader was commiting several crimes to keep his troupe above water, and, well, that was the end of that. Several performers died in the chaos, including the boy Compress was close to
This is when he went back to the streets, joined Magne as already explained, and killed his grandma out of spite
This took me an hour to type out, geez
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Post # 6 - It is what it is
I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...
Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.
Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!
Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."
I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.
4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."
This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.
Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.
Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.
Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.
Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.
Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.
Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!
This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.
Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."
Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.
Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."
I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.
I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!
By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.
I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.
At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.
How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.
In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.
I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.
Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.
I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.
My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.
"It is what it is."
I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.
Much love.
Juzz xx
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Some Words On 'Sparks'
Prior to the evening of December 30, 2021, none of these songs existed in any way. Well, there were 2 ways:
1) most of the words already existed, scattered across a year's worth of journal-writing, waiting to be found and assembled together into 5 relatively-coherent vignettes;
2) for much of the past year, I've been wanting to write a song called 'City Of Sparks'.
youtube
Prior to the evening of December 30, 2021, I was frustrated over a musical project that was falling apart, one that I had spent the previous 3 months working on. As my frustration grew, I remembered the last time I faced similar frustration. That was back in November of 2019, when another music project got bogged down and permanently stalled.
At that time, I decided it was no longer mentally healthy to keep focusing on that stalled project, so I put it aside and embarked on something that wouldn't give me any time to think about that project: I would write and arrange a new song every day for 16 straight days.
10 of those songs became my Encanto album (now a major motion picture!). One ended up on the Encantoo EP, whose remaining songs came about during a different song-a-day writing stretch. Three more ended up on 15th Street - Part Six. One is an instrumental that's only on YouTube. The sixteenth song is unreleased because it's fun but also kinda sucks.
I stopped thinking about that stalled project, mainly because I was too busy to do so. I moved on, pushed forward, and ended up writing some of my favorite Paris Street songs, songs that didn't exist prior to November of 2019.
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I decided to repeat that process around the evening of December 30, 2021, focusing this time around on writing 10 new songs in 10 days, with an extra focus on alternating between pop songs and instrumentals.
While walking home from my girlfriend's place, the first spark of an idea (we'll end the 'spark' references from here on, maybe) formed. About an hour after I got home, most of the music for 'What Everyone Wants' was complete.
Two nights later, on a similar walk, another melody came to my head, then a verse pattern, then a chorus pattern, then more melodies. Again, I formed the backbone of the song pretty quickly once I got home. When it came time to record a scratch vocal take - usually just some mumbling so that I can get a sense of the vocal structure - I didn't have any lyrics beyond 3 words I knew had finally found a home: "City of Sparks . . ."
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These are the 5 pop songs I wrote during those 10 days (the 5 instrumentals became the latest release from my JUBANO! project, which came out a week ago). It started on a walk home in Sacramento, then was finished while working in the town of Corona. After those first 10 days, bells and whistles (actually guitar and shaker) were added while back in Sacramento, then things were gussied up and mastered in the middle of February in San Clemente. It was quick and easy and fun, and I haven't thought about those stalled music projects since.
(ha ha, no, I still think about them constantly and they haunt me and I hate it so much, but let's play along for the sake of a tidy narrative)
Anyway, this EP is essentially a parabola, starting quietly and building upward to its vertex, which can be found in the minute-long stretch where the chorus of 'City Of Sparks' hits and things get funky. It's all comedown after that, nice and pretty before waltzing back towards quiet. Each song, whether blatantly or subtly, revolves around a spark of some kind. On several occasions, a couple words in one song are repeated in another. It ties the songs together further. Or it's lazy songwriting. I'll let you decide that one.
Enjoy.
Sparks can be found on Bandcamp, Spotify, Amazon Music, and all other streamers of note.
#paris street#sparks#new release#new album#new music#indie#pop#indie pop#synthpop#dream pop#rambles#Youtube
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